All Fantasy Everything - Non-Alcoholic Beverages (w/ Beth Stelling)

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

We're doing it again! (The first one was a live show; it's on Patreon!)Guest:Beth Stelling (X @BethStelling, IG @BethStelling)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. My name is Ian Carmel. Our guest today is the standup comedian, the writer, the field hockey legend, the original girl daddy, Sweet Beth herself. Beth Stelling is here. Yay!

Good to be back, baby. The original girl daddy. Sweet Beth herself. Beth Stelling is here. Yay! Yay! Sup? Sup? Good to be back, baby. We're so happy to have you. We're fantasy drafting non-alcoholic beverages today. Ooh! Ooh!

I'm having a non-alcoholic beverage right here. No spoilers. We did it once. No spoiler for me either. I'm about to show you what I'm drinking. Full disclosure, we did do it once. No spoiler for me either. I'm about to show you what I'm drinking. Full disclosure, we did do this once. We drafted it live in Portland at Mississippi Studios. Two shows in one night, and this was back

when we were still getting after it pretty hard. So I don't really remember that draft. You're like, what? I can't think of anything that doesn't have alcohol. Yeah, we were- There's rum and coke. There's Sprite and vodka. There's Sprite and vodka. There's scotch and water.

Like literally everything. It was the first time like we got, it was the first time I really got off the leash during COVID. I mean like first time. It was our first live show after COVID had started. So we were pretty wild. Did you get sloppy or what? So sloppy.

I don't remember a word from that second. It's on our Patreon page. If you want to hear it, go ahead. Do you want to compare the two? We have matured. Be a little cleaner. Watching an early set of you doing standup, thinking people are going to steal your jokes.

Oh my God. That was actually terrible, bud. I have, that's another thing. Put a few of those up on our Patreon. I have some from like 20 years ago. It is God awful. Watch. I don't think I wanna see it.

Oh, it's terrible. It's terrible. Terrible. I don't wanna see it. My voice is higher in my old clips. Yeah, because you were younger. It's because you hit puberty last year. I was, I did.

I finally hit puberty. We're throwing me a scientific bar mitzvah. Is that a term? We're having a scientific, there's the traditional bar mitzvah and then you do a second one, scientific bar mitzvah, when you finally hit puberty. They should have one for puberty

and then one for when you hit your stride as an adult. That would be great. That would be like, okay, but now you're doing it. That would still be upcoming for me. That would be great. That would be like, okay, but now you're doing it. That would still be upcoming for me. That would be fun. Yeah, that's the party I want to go to. Beth, how are you doing? How is field hockey going?

How's everything going? What would you like to point people towards? You're at Beth's Delling on every platform, is that right? Yeah, I got a special that's out on Netflix called If You Didn't Want Me Then. I'm at Beth Stelling on every platform, is that right? Yeah, I got a special that's out on Netflix called If You Didn't Want Me Then. And yeah, I played hockey last night in Manhattan Beach. It was a girls game, five on five.

It's very fun. It was also like, because that's a smaller game, we play like half field. Yeah, and I don't wanna call it a wake up call, but it was just a check-in that says, hey, you're not in shape yet. Oh yeah, you're working your way up. I was like, a couple scary times.

You're the Shaquille O'Neal of field hockey. You're not going to start the season in shape. You'll be there by the playoffs. Shaquille O'Neal. Also, a lot of endorsements. A lot of endorsements. Yes. Yeah, I have a couple more months. Let's see, what, August?

So August, September, I have two and a half months before the World Cup. I'll play for the US Women's Masters team. And Cape Town. Damn. You're going to Cape Town? Yeah, in October. You say K-Town or Cape Town?

Is it just, it's in Koreatown? Cape Town, South Africa. Oh, OK, OK. I'm going to Koreatown. Cape Town, Los Angeles. OK, it's in Cape Town here South Africa. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Cape Town, Los Angeles. Okay, it's in Cape Town here in LA. It's at the Line Hotel. You're going to Cape Town.

That's gonna be wild. I've never been there. Have you guys been there? Never been to South Africa. I mean, it's so far away. I think that's one of my biggest worries is because I'm one of the fewer West Coast people. Like a lot of people are East Coast on the Masters team.

A lot of Philly and yeah, you get it, East Coast. They feel like the hotspots. Yeah. And so I'm, you know, everybody's adjusting to a time difference when we're doing like a international tour, but I'm three hours prior and it doesn't really help. How long before the first match do you get there? I'm arriving at least a week early.

Oh, then you'll be all right. I'll be all right or I'll be not all right. Like it'll be like I should have maybe landed the day of the match and then just ran versus, but you know what I'm saying? Like I don't know how right I am. Maybe you're given too much time to acclimate. I don't know the answer, but I'm gonna be wearing compression socks on this light

Absolutely, but I've become a big compression sock guy No, no, no just on flights anything over four hours, I'm rocking the compression socks Really? Are you on flights more than four hours? I'd never but Denver. I mean Later most places I mean LA to like anywhere worth going is right about yeah, Minneapolis is what three and a half three and a half Chicago's for New York is six, you know five and a half six Dover Delaware Dover Delaware you're looking at let's I mean, let's go up and down the eastern seaboard. Let's talk about Never even touch compression socks. You can't even get to Burlington, Vermont.

Without compression socks. Without compression socks. Yeah. I wear a lot of shooting guards, shooting sleeves though when I'm on my flights. I just let people know. You wear those finger ones too? You wear like the little finger sweatpants?

I do a lot of this. You can't put your seat back. I need to keep the wrist fluid. You wear that NBA headband that had like the third headband going down the middle of the head that they tried to get going? Simone had one on her leg last night, right? Didn't Simone have one on her left leg? On her calf, cause she injured her calf.

Yeah. That's what it was. We're recording this August 2nd, Simone Biles just won yet another gold medal in the gymnastics all around. So buck. Fucking deal with it, Brazilian AFE listeners. Yeah, come on.

Sorry. There's a lot. There's a lot. There's are y'all There are a be gentle be gentle You shall offend this is everything you guys also know Mariana Cora ma Lost her judo match, you know, it's okay Sierra Leone. We will be back. You'll be back. Oh Yeah, it's okay it was like I didn't know about that. We're just in the shadow of that, yeah. It's okay, it's like,

it's the second prime time next to the gymnastics people. I missed all the taekwondo. If you listen to the Cleveland episode, you'll know that Ian probably knew when the taekwondo happened, is it? Do you know who won? Hasn't happened yet. Oh, okay, all right, just making sure.

I'm competing. We drafted, Beth, in Cleveland we did a live show where we drafted Olympic sports we think we'd be the best at. Oh. I took taekwondo out from under Sean Jordan, In Cleveland we did a live show where we drafted Olympic sports we think we'd be the best at. I took Tae Kwon Do out from under Sean Jordan who had a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Standing second degree black belt right now while sitting second degree black belt. That seems like inner chaos for the team here. I was curious.

It was a rough night. I was going to say I would have been really mad because what Sean would have been able to talk about all of his knowledge and you just were like, actually I'm gonna do Taekwondo. I took it and then just sort of set him up, let him go. Because I don't really have a lot to say about Taekwondo, to be honest, I've never experienced it. I don't really know what separates it from karate, judo,

Jeet Kune Do, any of it. So you could call it even more of a, maybe it was actually a friendly alley-oop. That's what it was, it was a friendly alley-oop. It didn't seem very friendly. Taekwondo has more kicking, karate has more punching. Is that real, really? That's real I was, I was a friendly alley-oo. It didn't seem very friendly. Taekwondo has more kicking. Karate has more punching. Is that real, really?

That's real. Oh. That's one of them. You learn something new every day. Yeah. Isaac, does that check out? Sure, I don't really know. I did Taekwondo when I was really, really young, but I haven't done it in, I don't know, same, probably same timeline as Sean,

since I was like six. Hey, no, tread lightly, my friend. I stopped when I was 13 I probably quit when my last taekwondo. Yeah, I quit when I was 16 guys. I'm really sorry. I got a pause You have to go I have the olympic song in the background and the woman from Sierra Leone is about to run the hundred Can I watch this? Yes, of course. Oh my God. I can't even. Let's live watch this together. Let's do this live. I feel, I wanna cry just see, oh man. Just the fact that she's even there.

What's her name? And she's wearing it. Oh man. That's pretty cool. It's crazy. It's so crazy. The 100 is. Luckily this won't take long.

The 100 is. No, they're lined up right now. No, it's the 100. I know, it's okay. I'm just gonna say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might take what, 10 seconds? Nah. Yeah It might take what ten seconds

Nah Yeah, ten around ten. Isn't that what Noah? Lyle says he was said he was gonna do Remember Michael that John's a movie Ultra movie Michael is an angel John Travolta movie? Oh yeah, John Travolta. John Travolta movie, Michael. Where he's an angel. Yeah, he's an angel. I'm thinking about Michael Johnson. Oh, okay.

He was like the hero when we were young. Yeah, 96. With the gold, with the gold plates? Yeah, gold spikes, really weird running form, remember? Like back weirdly arched, like, okay, okay. Who cares, because it worked. Yeah, it was awesome. I loved that. Running, I tried not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I hate the blast. Wind in your hair. I did it in the morning before it got a lot higher. Even when I was running a bunch,

I hated every second of it. Never got a runner's high, never once. Whoa, whoa. There she is. Whoa. Whoa. Wait, what, is it already going? Ah, it should probably like fifth.

That's all right, fifth is another wrong being the fifth fastest person. Fifth in the world. Hold on, you already watched it. These must be qualifiers, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. These must be qualifiers. I should probably like fit Another wrong being the fifth fastest in the world Well, you already watched it. I must be qualifiers, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, David. I just happened Yeah, I'm not I don't think this is live though because I think it's started tracking field started like I just put on the the the replay a track a little bit Man, also look at the, the outfits look great.

Shout out to Labrum London. Fode Dumbaya, the most Sierra Leone name ever, the guy who designed them, that was awesome. That was fucking awesome. She came out strong though. She came out crazy off the blocks, she did. And then what, again, I know nothing. So she came out strong, she's in the lead,

and then just kind of basically lost it there. She came in fifth. It's like, I'm looking at like, she probably lost it in the last quarter, but like she was blazing. They're zoomed in on her right now, she was blazing. Coming off the blocks would be so hard for me. I think I'd do so many false starts,

I'd just get disqualified. I'd always be wanting to jump the gun. Yeah. I did maybe one, I did maybe one relay or something in high school and you know how it staggered? Dee, dee, dee, so that means the people who are in the wider, as you know, the further out from the center of the field

are starting ahead because that's longer, we get it. So I'm holding, I think I'm gonna be anchor, which is crazy to think about because it's like, I was so bad. I think it was the 200. I am holding the first runner's starter blocks. She goes, they do the gun, she goes, I pick them up and I turn left to take them into center field

and clothesline the girl. No! The other team's parents booed me. I was like, I did not do that on purpose. This is high school track. Get her off the track. It wasn't even a qualifying event. To be honest with you, it might have been eighth grade.

Like not even like high school Junior high track That's where it starts though Based on what I've seen from parents watching sports. I don't think it matters what grade it's happening I used to run a bunch and I was running one time training for this half marathon and you gotta spit a lot when you run, so I turned to my left and I spit a pretty big loogie and a biker just came flying right into it. And neither one of us stopped, I mean he could have stopped

I guess but I was just like on my eighth mile of 11 that day. He could have sued Sean, that's assault. He could have got a knuckle sandwich to wash that loogie down if he would have stopped. was a salt splattery. What that is right there. Where's your board of stuff that you're writing behind you, Cline?

Ian, you're fired. Mine's on the other side of the camera. I'm reading a lot of this stuff off. I shouldn't have wasted this paper. I'm gonna have to white out Isaac's name. No, you're gonna have to put Isaac in this story. You need to write a touch, you need to write an Oscar Bay drama called Isaac's Notebook

about some kid with a disease, you know? write an Oscar Bay drama called Isaac's Notebook about like some kid with like a disease, you know? Am I making this up? Isaac's Notebook. Is whiteout not going to be around anymore? Did I hear that somewhere? Like are they getting rid of whiteout? There isn't this whiteout tape. They're not going to make that hate anymore.

Like the huffing, the stuff that you can get high? Because it's a woke. It's a woke thing. Yeah, I'm going to have to figure out something else to huff. It's a woke thing, is that what you're saying? Yeah, they have to make it, they're making it, uh. It's like Tide Pods? Yes.

Oh, my, my, uh. You're saying pigs too, guys. Oh, that's true. Yeah, these are all, you can drink all this shit. You can chug a White Out. White Out'll get you high though, I feel like. And Tide Pods. Same thing that happens with alcohol

would eventually happen with White Out and Tide Pods. Let's not say that, let's not stay behind on this one. You just get worse and worse diarrhea. Young people listen to this. Young people listen to this. Guys, don't do Tide Pods out there. So watch, uh, if you didn't want me then on Netflix. Anything else? This comes out next week. Where can people see you? Are you in the road anytime soon?

Other than Cape Town South-A... Go South. South Africa. Yeah, I will be on the road anytime soon? Other than Cape Town, South Africa. Go South Africa. South Africa. Yeah, I will be on the road actually. I'm gonna be in Bloomington, Indiana, August 16th and 17th. Tulsa, Oklahoma, August 23rd. Houston, Texas, August 31st. And then San Francisco, early September.

And the list goes on. Kansas City Mall. Check out bestdilling.com. I already got people messaging me like, hey, I happen to be in the city that you're in, can I open? Nice. I love it when comics do that. Can they?

They're like, I'm actually gonna be in Houston when you're there, which is crazy. They're comedians who don't live there? If I say yes, they're like, Expedia.com. Yay! Oh, I wouldn't even have suspected that. I'm so naive. You are naive. I'm so naive.

I'd have been like, oh, that's awesome. Maybe they're visiting their wife's family or like something like that. No, no, no. They're flying themselves out. I do respect the hustle. Yeah, sure. I also never even considered lying like that

to get my way into shows. I should have started doing that. Good for you. Yeah. I mean, at this point, yeah, I don't, the times I've recalled doing that, I've been like, hey, my family lives in that city. Right.

I could do both. It would be fun to be there with you and also I can stay at my parents, my mom's. Why would I say parents? My parents have been divorced. If you come to Portland, Oregon, I'm gonna be on the other side. I'm gonna sit in the crowd.

I'm gonna be like, oh, I just happened to be here. I'm just in the crowd. I'm gonna heckle. From the crowd you go, hey, if you need anybody. I'll be here. I'll be here for Late Show too. I'm just hanging out. Yeah, I prefer a hangout now.

I wanna do as little standup as possible. I'm with you. It's almost like when somebody says, do you wanna hop on? I'm like, oh no. Nah, I'm all right. I wanna see you. I's almost like when somebody says, do you want to hop on? I'm like, oh no. Nah, I'm all right. I want to see you. I don't do it at shows. I don't do it when I go to shows anymore.

Like it used to be if I went to show, like back in the day, I would show up to a show just because I knew they would probably put me on. For sure. And now if I'm at a show and they're like, do you want to go on? I'm like, ah, no. Honestly, I'm just hanging. It is fun to hang.

It's fun to watch your friend and not think about it because if you know you gotta go up, regardless of how little or whatever time it might be, you're still in your head about it. So it's fun just to watch, be like, oh yeah, our friends are fun. And also let's be real. I don't like being real.

Comics, okay. Comics, this is like me on a reality TV show. At the end of the day, comics, you don't get to see each other headline. And so if you wanna watch what somebody else does for an hour, it's interesting research. Cause like, there's no school. There's no anything.

Like the way I do it is just like, this is what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just how it worked out after touring and stuff. Yeah. A lot of the time it's just like this one's four 15 minute sets. This one's 25. So I don't know. I don't know. There's a clear break. You do 15 that's like kind of cohesive and then you're like all right and now and I got a grill. I got a grill the other day. Do you guys remember Beanie Babies? Oh, yeah. That's my tradition.

I did a whole podcast on Beanie Babies the other day. Really? Yeah, it's called The Flop or something like that, just about how they flopped. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. I think they tried to get me to do that podcast, like, because it sounds cool. I think it's something different.

Basically, it's all the times, like, one time they're like, hey, can you do this thing with Coca-Cola? Then I think maybe Beanie Baby sounded awesome. And I would reply, and I go, oh yeah, I can do that. And then they would give you like a chunk of availability. And they go, oh, that's actually been taken. And that happens three times. That happens three times, and I go, actually,

I'm not kidding, I said, respectfully, I'm not doing it. Right. Good for you! You're gonna ask me for three months, my availability. And I go, yeah, I'm not kidding, I said, respectfully, I'm not doing it. Right. Good for you! What do you mean? You're gonna ask me for three months, my availability, and I go, yeah, I can do it, and then you go, it's actually already been taken. I was like, get the fuck out of here.

Because they're sending that, it's like a cattle call out, they're sending the same email to everyone, and people are jumping up on it, it's like, well, fuck you, come on. You guys know I'm not some sort of ego maniac. I was just like, I refuse to tell you my availability once again. Yeah, I'm not trying to send that many emails. Oh You don't like sending emails sending emails rules do I hate everything? Agreed I don't want to be in communication with anyone ever

Also, if it's like a manager's assistant you go, okay So did you tell me right away or are you telling me this a week later every time? I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do.

I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do.

I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do.

I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. Like I'm like is that when it came in or am I the last box on the checklist at the end of the day? And that is disheartening. It's disheartening yeah you're like fuck man. You're the first box on my checklist buddy. I'm 630? I'm 630? Business is closed. I'm not even before lunch. I gotta move one of these scripts.

You had a chicken sandwich and then? They're not even giving me a chance to reply before end of day. For god's sake. EOD, baby. No, I'm not Eliza. But I worked at, I was a late night writer for 10 years. We have the same people, because I'm definitely below her and. Are you with Avalon?

No, maybe she's over there now. I think she's over there. Or at least she was over there. Okay. It might be. I think she's not anymore. I thought it was UTA, which is where I'm at. But yeah, it was always basically like I'm kind of on and off with UTI

Don't hold it too long you couldn't just let two people talk about something you had to jump in there with your little you You're you know, you T. I jump try to make a relatable to the gen pop out there. Those Brazilian kids don't know what CAA is. They wanna listen to. One of the A's has a weird little accent mark over and it's pronounced chaya. Brazilian joke, joao. That's a good one. Yeah, I like that.

Joao. My parents, just to go way back, my parents also divorced. I tend to stay with my mom every time I go back to Portland. My dad, after I turned 40 in October, my dad is 69 years old, and like last year, just started pulling the, why don't you stay with me every now and then?

So now I have to like enter that into the equation when I'm going home where I'm like, okay, I gotta like slot one night over at dad's. You're up at dad's. I gotta go over at dad's Where when I was a leather couch and no blanket it's fucking I mean it's nice Fish tank just completely lights up the room like full divorced dad condo vibes 30 I'll stay in like the ace hotel getting drunk and now I'm like bouncing back and forth

between my parents. Shit's changed. Shit has changed. Sean Jordan is here. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. In the place to be, baby. He's got a UTI.

Yeah. Really? No, no, I don't. I knew it was the joke, but I wasn't sure if it was coming from a place of truth. I had one once that I got caught slipping when I was about 23. So I went in and got checked and I was UTI. Not that no shade if you got caught slipping at some point, I just clean record over here. Does that mean like you got an STI from that? I had thought I had an STD.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, didn't. Skateboard corner? How do you feel about the Olympic results? Skateboard corner? I mean, I don't wanna... Well, skateboard corner. I don't wanna...

I think that the last score that Uto got, I think he got such a high score because it was his last try, and so the pressure was higher. Oh, that's interesting. Because the trick is insane. He did a Nollie 270, Nollie backside 270 knows one. Nobody can do it.

He did it down a rail, which is crazy, but it was also last try. And I think that he probably got scored higher because of the pressure. But I think it was the highest score, I think in any contest I've ever seen. It was like 97.2 or something. And I honestly think Nyjja probably should have won,

but he didn't land his last trick, his switch heel flip crook. If he would have done that, I think the judges would have, even though that trick to me is easier than the Nollie backside 270, I think they would have given him the W. But he didn't do it.

So, kinda on both. A long way of saying I'm happy with the results, but I just wish, I kinda wanted him to win. I feel bad for him a little bit. For Nijah? Yeah, he's like, Rich, how bad can you feel for a millionaire? But he's like, you know, he really, he put the time in. Wait, how did he get to be a millionaire?

He's like one of the few millionaire skateboarders. Pretty wild. And why? cuz he sold gears I don't get it. He's just the best top tier since he was a child, right? Yeah He's okay. He's he's gets probably a lot of money from he has a signature shoe with Nike, right? I'm sure they peel him off like crazy. He's gets for monster. He's just I mean, he's like famous He's one of the few things got like five million Again, yeah,

because I don't know him, but of course, obviously it doesn't mean anything. But anyway, it was fun to watch. I was stoked. I got up early. I felt cool because I was on early. I got up early and watched it. You have a little coffee?

You have a little stand up holding a mug watching the Olympics? We had it on in two rooms, like I was on Wall Street or something. Like I'm, I was watching the living room like, Maxine's in here talking, I can't focus. And so I go in the office and I was standing there like- He's in here yapping.

What the fucking- the Dow is dropping. I don't know what to do. You got a tailor in there measuring your pants while you're watching the Olympic skateboard and trying to like- Except it's for junko jeans. Like really light. Yeah, I did. Yeah. I'm just kidding.

Oh baby, we have fun. So, Yuta, I haven't watched him skate a lot. That man is buttery. He is smooth. He's so laid back. I'm gonna have to check it out. Robot man. Yeah.

Yuta Horiguchi. Also, so real quick, I just have three things about dates, but then I wanna ask you guys a question. Minneapolis at Sisyphus Brewing, we will be there Saturday. Zach Disconnie and I co-headlining, it's gonna be dope. First show is, there's like five tickets left, so we added a late show at Sisyphus Brewing. And then in Sioux Falls, Sunday night,

Zach and I are gonna be at Icon. I think it starts at 7.30, nice early show for you, so come on out. And then Chicago, we got like 10 tickets left for the late show, that's on Tuesday the 13th. So come check us out, we're all over, and I'm super excited, it's just fun. Loving hanging out with Zach.

And yeah, we'll see you there. So on all the Japanese competitors, I noticed their last name first, first name last, is that a Japanese thing? Cause when he competes, it'd say like Nigel Houston, then it would say Horigome Yuto and, uh, you know, all the other it is. Okay. Yep.

Okay. I thank you for confirming. I didn't want to ask cause you are Korean. So, you know, no, but it operates very similarly, I think throughout most Asian countries, but certainly in Japan Korea and China I believe know your enemy you know what about what about Russia I don't know why it's funny to me say Asian country and then talk about Russia yeah oh man all these Asian countries forget about India. What are we doing? Uh, anyway, yeah. We're drafting Asian countries here today on All Fantasy Everything.

I could go off top, I think. Uh-huh. I think I could go off top. We could draft Asian countries for sure, dude. I don't know if I could name 20 off top. You could name 20. I bet you could. I bet you could get there. Well, let's just assume I can.

You want to try to do it? No, I don't think so. I mean, we got that kind of, no. We don't wanna hear me putz around. After that Wall Street riff, keep it going. K-Town, South Africa. K-Town, South Africa. Isaac, how do you like that K-Town riff from earlier? That was really good, I was laughing.

You guys weren't hearing me, but I was laughing really hard. Hell yeah. It was good to know. David Borey is here, coolguyjokes87 on Instagram, watching Sierra Leone and Sprinters in real time. The special is out. Special's out. On YouTube?

No, Patreon. Get it. Oh, cool. So wait, it's on your guys' Patreon? It's on my Patreon. I had to start one for you. Oh, you're a separate one. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got it. Patreon.com backslash David Borey. That's cool, David. Yeah, worked out. I thank you guys for buying it. Everybody's been really nice. Thanks to everybody at Dude IDK for filming it. Jacob and Miriam and Nick and everybody. Yeah, it's been a great experience.

I love hearing all the feedback. So thank you for that. That's rad. Yeah, it's great. I'm really happy with it. I think it's the best thing I've ever done. Yay! What a victory to feel good. It's a new one. That's half the battle. Yeah. No, I'm super stoked about it.

And then, oh, the only date I have right now is August 23rd and 24th. Come see me at the Dallas Comedy Club. I Really always have a good time there. They're an area school. I met the owners at a moon tower and they were very very nice They're awesome. Okay, cool. Yeah, they've been so great club out. I've never I never know where to go in Dallas Oh, check it out. It's in the okay. I'm riding it down Club yeah, it's so fun. They're really, they're really great. You know when you go and they like give you like a card

and they're like, oh, I liked this compared to last time. Yeah. Yeah, it's such a fun weekend. It is really kind when people care in our business because it's just constantly traveling around and we show up and they leave you a little note or remember something, it really does feel good. It's appreciated. It's just constantly traveling around and we show up and they leave you a little note or remember something. It really does feel good.

It's appreciated. It's the best. So I really love them there. Comedy on state is so nice about that. Yeah, comedy on state is good. That's what I was thinking of. I was thinking of the note from Alex. So I was just gonna ask or say two things.

One, I don't, oh, mine's in the kitchen. There it is, I got one on the fridge. What if they all said the same thing? We open it up and mine says says Sean, you are so good. I was like, a simple mistake. Love that K-Town joke. Oh, I don't know if it's secret or not, but you know that Punchline's opening a new club in Houston?

Oh, I didn't know that. Like, live nation. That's exciting. That's very exciting. Yeah. I always play rooms in Houston. Yeah, Live Nation. That's exciting. Wow. That's very exciting. Yeah, I always play Rooms in Houston. Yeah, that's gonna be exciting. And two, as a listener grandma, David,

can you explain how I would go to figure out the Patreon thing? Because I don't understand Patreon, I've never done it. So how does that work? So, the way I set it up, it's free to sign up for the Patreon. And I started the Patreon like three, four months ago. And about twice a week I was putting out videos. So I have like vlogs and interviews from my friends and all that stuff is free.

So you can sign up. It's like 40 videos right now. You can sign up and get all that stuff for free. And then there's just a little tab to buy the specials, 12 bucks. But you go to DavidBorie.com. No, you go to Patreon.com backslash DavidBorry and it's all there. And you hit the shop button.

Okay, cool. Yeah, it'll take you right to it. So basically the Patreon, like just again, this is a Grammy question, but the Patreon basically has the capacity then because it's a big platform. People watch it on your special they press buy and then they can watch it on the platform. Yeah, but they can stream it so you can watch it on your special day for us by, and then they can watch it on the platform.

Yeah, but they can stream it, so you can watch it on your TV or wherever. Okay, cool. Yeah, it's all- This is exciting. I'm really- We're acting consumer. I got the play from Sean Jordan.

I'm really excited about it, yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea, because everybody else, or not everybody else, but a lot of people are doing YouTube, which seems to be like, I guess if you put up ads or something, you can get money back, but probably just sounds like maybe you do get your money back better with Patreon.

It does. And that's kind of, I just wanted to get out what I put into it. 100%. I mean, that's a big deal. Like we invest in ourselves and then to be like, I guess I'll put it on YouTube for free and hope that I can make 15 bucks in ads or something. Yeah. If you're not a millionaire, it's a it is a bad investment.

It's also like I don't have a billion followers. So this is like I got it straight out to my people who I know like me. And they like so it's just like it was a really great for where I'm at. I'm really happy with that. I couldn't be more happy with all solid. Sounds great. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Also watch Exploding Kittens on Netflix. That's all I got My name is Ian Carmel at the end Carmel on Twitter Instagram TikTok YouTube all those places no dates other than we will be at

The high plane We'll be doing live, all-fans. I think it's the 19th? 19th through the 21st. Couple of live AFEs for you. We'll be doing an all-fans, everything stand-up comedy show as well. There are still passes available.

I think scant passes available. I imagine. It's a popular little festival. Always a good time. Come check that out. And buy T-Shirt Swim Club, the national best seller. There it is, Sean, how far into it? Yeah!

What happened? I don't know what happened. That's crazy, it just floated by. I used to have my copy right next to the computer, but they've been replaced somehow. Oh, there they go. By several, maybe a hundred copies of my wife's. She's just sticking it to you.

A book, a house full of authors, and here's what I have, a guinea pig made of alpaca. That's important too. I like to think that you're looking for your toothpaste or something Ian, and she just puts a book in there, like a copy of anatomy Before it came out I don't know what I don't

She is she is so input like that God If I can brag about my wife for a second, it's Amazing having like written a book and had it come out now and being like and having you know It's it's a success the publisher may you know, they're happy with it. It's a, it's a best seller, all that. Yada, yada, yada. My wife, she wrote, you know, my wife, my wife, this is like, this is a, this was, it's a best seller in Germany.

It's been printed in like 23 languages. Her last book. It's just her words that somebody had to translate in a German. It's so. Sticking it crazy. It's crazy. Cause that somebody had to translate in a German, it's so crazy. It's crazy because you're sitting there watching like the Olympics. Wait, is that the German copy right there? This is the German copy?

There are. That's crazy. Hold on, there's like. Where's the Irish copy? Is it written on a bottle of Guinness? What's the book about? What's your book about? It's a YA novel about surgeons before anesthesia.

I believe they fall in love. Wow. I don't know what the fuck that is. That might be Greek. It's not even in. Whoa, that looks like Dracula. Whoa. Right?

Sounds like Dracula's gonna read it. That's pretty cool. Dude, it's amazing. It's a YA book about this character named Hazel, who wants to be, it's set in Edinburgh in like the 1800s. She wants to be a surgeon. Women couldn't be surgeons back then. So she teaches herself basically by grave robbing.

And then it's like a love story. It's a YA book. It's really, really good. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, basically has to find bodies to operate on. Wow. Right. Are you surprised how much you could learn grave robbing?

Yeah. David? Buy my wife's book, buy T-shirt Swim Club. Check it out. Sean, have you made much progress? The Olympics have stopped my reading completely. Halfway through five, hey, halfway through your five. At a bit.

Yeah. At a bit. It is impeding. I have a tough time reading at night. I don't like doing it, because I don't want to get put to sleep, because then I stop, I have to reread. I like to do it in the middle of the day when I'm alert.

I see what you mean. Because Laura, my wife reads to go to sleep, but you know, she graduated college. She can make her brain do that. I can't, I just lay there and I'm like, ah, just fold it up, go to bed. Say, wait, what's the end part? I missed it. I'm just gonna what? I'll just fold it up, go to bed. Say, wait, what's the end part? I missed it.

I'm just gonna what? I'll just fold it up. I just like, if I catch myself reading and I have to reread a sentence, I'm like, I'm not, I ain't in right now. It definitely gets me tired. Yeah, it's the end of the day though, don't worry. Watch some fight vids, wind down.

Yeah, but I deadlift to get tired. I just go deadlift in the garage until I can't walk. And then, yeah, and then I have her carry me to bed. Cute. To my sickness. Adorable. Aw. We're here today not to talk about

Sean getting carried to bed. Although I would like to. I would like to. But instead, the fantasy draft, non-alcoholic beverages. I know. The return. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.

Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Are you ready? So rock, paper, scissors, shoot. You got it, Beth. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David wins in unnatural victory. The paper stands alone. I got scared. It happened so fast, to be honest.

I was actually planning on rock. You were planning on rock. What did Dave do? My screen cut off his edge. He did a paper. So I would have lost anyway. No, we would have three-wayed. It would have been the cats.

It's a three-way, so it's like a natural victory. So it's the odd person out. If two people throw anything and the other throws a separate, they win. Got it. Okay, cool. I'm down. In this case, David wins.

I like if you're like, oh, well, fuck that then, and you just disappear. Actually, no. I sign off. Never see, quits comedy. You ever do that at the end of a Zoom? Just close your computer instead of just like stopping the Zoom or what?

You see people do that in movies. I don't know, that's not how you do it. I don't want everybody listening to the rest of my night. Yeah, I don't trust it. I gotta see the window close. Yeah. And then I usually scroll some websites after this too. Can you imagine if you thought that,

if people were actually gonna be listening, somebody's just, oh, okay, she's turning on the TV. Are any of you tape over the camera? No. No. Somebody was telling you tape over the camera? No. No, somebody was telling me about that the other day. Lopez used to be like that, I'm like, get the fucking duct tape off your computer. If they wanna see you beaten off,

if that's gonna like solve, if they're gonna be able to frame you, then so be it, you shouldn't be doing nefarious. We've all had friends framed in that way anyway. Absolutely, everyone's been framed for beating you. All right, fine, I beat off, you got me. That's how Biden released those Russian prisoners, man. You got me, I jerk it, okay?

You're talking about Mr. Biden, I understand. Okay, I jerk off. I jerk off, so what? Yeah. I'm a human. If you jerk me, do I not bleed? I work 40 hours a week and I jack off. What do you want out of me?

I pull it through the button fly in my jeans. What do you want? At least I'm wearing a shirt the whole time. I like the danger. That would be intense if you're like, why do you? I blast techno the whole time, so what? Your camera just shows you getting all the way naked and then beating off.

That'd be like George, like a standard taking a shit with his fans. You do a sexy dance for yourself? Yeah, you deserve it. And a little tease as well. A little tease. Ooh, no, not yet. No, not yet.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I put on cologne and a tie for it. I really threw myself in. I have glanced at my phone in the middle and been like, wait, what are you doing? I have a briefcase. Moisturize. Yeah, I have a briefcase.

I have everything. You can smell dinner. We do stuff that would attract a hand. So, like, you put on, like, a bunch of... ...gold rings or something. I don't know. Just a bunch of rings around your shit. Like, yeah, there it is. You set out nail polish.

Yeah, just things they might like. Mitten's. What's stuff hands like? I don't know. I treat it like I have a big meeting that day. I get up early, I have Dan and fruit on the bottom, yogurt, I read USA Today. I'm, you know, trying to do 30 minutes of cardio. Oh! Cardio for cardio. Cardio.

What are we talking about? Oh, David! You've won the rock, paper, scissors. As the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that?

Great question. You're at the grocery store looking for a beverage. You go to the beverage aisle. I won't name any picks, but you start at, you're like, I don't know what I want. It could be any beverage. You start at the top left, you look all the way over to the right,

not seeing anything. You go down one row, all the way over to the left, not seeing anything. Down one row, all the way back over to the right, until you find what you want. You just kinda go back and forth. And then you satiate. That's including, ooh, and then you satiate.

But guys, wait, what? I'm reading a book. That's a serp. Basically, what it means is, Beth, if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. So you get back to back picks if your book ended. It goes, Just tell me what to do later. second room. So you get back to back picks if your book ended. It goes.

Just tell me what to do later. One, two, three, four, four, three, two, one, one, two, three, four, four, three, shit. This sounds like somebody trying to teach me pickleball. I'm good. Just tell me where to stand. I don't think I've ever used that one, Ian. The one you just did?

Well, I've been sitting here just waiting. 300, 399 of these guys. 400, it'll be 400 next week, right, Isaac? Yeah, something like that. This is 399, next week will be 400 next week, right, Isaac? Yeah, something like that. This is 399, next week will be 400. Wow, Beth, thank you for joining us for our 399th episode. Yeah. Happy to be here.

We're gonna put, we haven't released any yet, but we're planning on dropping them all at once. You are fantastic. You remember when you came here for Funny Over Everything, when you came to Portland for Funny Over Everything? Wasn't that like nine, 10 years ago or something? That was so fun. You're dope, yeah. it's just funny to think about

how long you've known someone in this. Because we don't see each other a ton. But with comedians, when you see each other, you catch up, like we went to lunch at High Plains, that was a year ago. It feels like it was a week ago. I don't know. I know.

Yeah, I was a little drunk off the plane. Was that something salty? Whatever, you know. And sweet. There you go. We got big biscuit and we shared some French toast. Yeah, I ruled that. I love sharing a fuck. I mean, I've harped on pancakes with a table And sweet. There you go. We got big biscuit and we shared some French toast. Yeah, I ruled that.

I love sharing a fuck. I mean, I've harped on pancakes for the table on this podcast for almost a decade ourselves, but boy, I love sharing a sweet thing of breakfast. Oh yeah. It's also the best time to have sugar, kinda. Yeah. You know, cause you can burn it off.

You can go like work, it's not like ice cream and then you go to bed. That's crazy. Then you have crazy dreams. Chocolate before bed you get horny. I have dessert after every meal to be honest, but yes. You're a big dessert person. After every meal basically.

We never had dessert. Never ever did we have dessert after. Wasn't even part of the deal. You talking about growing up? Never, yeah, never, I've never had. We weren't really, every once in a while, maybe like once a month or something. But I've always liked savory. I'd be like, give me more tuna helper

instead of the cake, you know? Yeah. Man, tuna helper. Shout out to tuna helper. You know I hate seafood, I love tuna helper. I'm getting, we're getting sidetracked, I apologize. You love tuna, on casseroles, I have found in my adult life,

casseroles play almost no role. And when I was a kid, almost every day there was a casserole. Think about it, that was the fastest way to have a dinner that was, felt prepared, but was fast too. You can throw all the shit in there. But I agree with you.

Shockingly, tuna casserole's delicious. Love it. Cheesy beef casserole. We were eating casseroles all the time. What does my nickname have to do with any of this? Cheesy beef casserole. Yeah, I donasseroles all the time. What does my nickname have to do with any of this? Cheesy beef casserole? I don't watch you.

We would discuss you at dinner. We would bring you up in your exploits in Sioux Falls. It made its way out to Beaverton. David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Okay, I think I'm going to go Sean, Beth, David, Ian. Hot corner. Sean, Beth, David, Ian is the order of today's draft.

Which means Sean, you have the first pick. In the non-alcoholic beverages, All Fantasy Everything draft, and we're gonna get to that first pick right after this short break. After these messages, we'll be right back. This episode of All Fantasy Everything

is brought to you by Babbel. If you wanna learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there, but this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne.

You can't do that. Two Damon movies, I'm out here. Obviously you're not ready for that, but you still wanna learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You know, you speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel.

It's science-backed language learning app and it's going to get you talking fast. They had science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick, they're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks.

Ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language anyway. Talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're gonna need

to actually use it, you know? Babels tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation, so you're gonna be ready to talk everywhere you go, because that's the key, conversation. You wanna know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10 minute segments,

they're perfect for, say someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span, 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And you know, don't just try a word for word, studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old ladies alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babel works. One study found that using Babel for 15 hours

is equivalent to a full semester at college, which come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try, honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash all fantasy.

Rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by schedule 35. Now microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by schedule 35, our partner in getting things done.

Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus, it's gonna clear your mind up, it's gonna keep your anxiety at bay, which man, wouldn't that be nice. And it's gonna do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. It might sound like a magic pill.

I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. You know, there's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. They're products, they're backed by science, and dose to a precise amount, so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days,

and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this, but Schedule 35, they're on a mission to destigmatize and educate on the science and real world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton, you know, and they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business.

No one's going to be in your kitchen, stir in your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it.

I don't think you're gonna be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. Yeah, we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything,

the only podcast that has ever existed. This is it. Congratulations for finding it. What's that song from though also? Saturday Morning Cartoons. Oh, this is killing me. On ABC. On ABC. These messages will be right back.

Right back. Will Vinton Studios' claimation, I think. Right? Way to know too much about it. Well, Will Vinton Studios, Portland Oregon Company. What an asshole. Hahahaha. Hahahaha.

This got fucking quote and claimation started. Yakity yak. Don't talk back. That's another one. I That's another one do you remember what was it where it was the kid who went over the swing set inside out boy Yeah Amazing idea Yeah, great idea. He went all the way went all the way all of his shit like his spleen and his intestine They were all on the outside and he would go solve a problem every day. And then you're like, all right, why do you have to be inside out? I saw a guy get close, not just yesterday.

Going over the swings? Bro, I was at the park, and it was just a guy by himself, and he was so, you know when you get so high that it starts like- It buckles the chain. It buckles, that's how high he was, just by himself. Oh, you go like this and it's like,

ka-koong on the way back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's suspended in gravity, like the chain doesn't know what to do, because it's not taught when you're that high up. I used to like that. That dude left his therapist office and said, nope, that didn't fix it.

Yeah. Gotta find a swing set. It's also crazy, he was, now I'm thinking about how weird it was, he was so tall, like a very tall man. You think maybe the Olympics got into his system? And he was like, I don't know, I gotta get this out somehow.

I gotta achieve excellence. I think it's gotten into all of our systems. I'm going over the top. I'm going over the top. It's definitely contagious, yeah. It is for sure. Olympic theory. I've been at the gym like really dramatically

on the elliptical. I don't think at all. Dun, dun, dun the elliptical. Ha ha ha! I'm thinking. Dun dun dun dun dun! When I go into Fred Meyer after this, I'm gonna sprint to the milk. Ha! Oh, don't say that! Speaking of which, Sean Jordan, you're up!

I'm gonna sprint to the cat food. It's time for your first pick. This is tough because I have what I want, but then there's the... Tell me what you want. There's the, what I really, really want. I don't want to be boring. And there's that boring ass first pick.

But we're not boring. I know. Ice coffee. Ice coffee. Ice coffee. Yeah. Yeah. Ice coffee. Got it. Yeah. I, it's, there's another thing I drink every day, but this is non-alcoholic. So now there's another thing I drink every day, but this is non-alcoholic, so. No, there's another thing I drink every day. But iced coffee is my staple. I get up, I have iced coffee every day. It gets me into my mood, into my day.

I have cut myself down to one cup a day, so it is a huge treat. And it's like the next to watching Maxine come out of the bedroom is the best part of my day. And I'm married, so distant third by my wife. Wow. You know? Yeah.

I actually made my own cold brew. It's more for my boyfriend, but I drink it occasionally. It's like my afternoon drink. So I make cold brew at home. But I'm a hot coffee gal. Black coffee. Same. No, God.

Now, are we considering other coffees? Other coffees are up for grabs. I'm fine with that, yeah. Like you could say something like, cause I'm a fine. You don't have to say it. I'm a trained barista. Are you a trained barista?

Oh yeah, my first job out here was intelligentsia. Shut the fuck up, really? And that was before it was bought by Pete's. So I had to do eight months of testing, training. Eight months? Eight months? I wasn't even allowed to touch milk. I was doing dishes for the first majority of it. I've seen movies where people become astronauts

in quicker than eight months. But I can still do it is the thing. I can still pour a rosette. I can still steam milk properly with a beautiful microphone. I know the temperatures. It should be steamed too. What a great job. I so wish that I would have had a job like that

where the skills carried over to my other life where you're like, oh yeah, Beth can just make you, she can make you an amazing, I won't say the kind of coffee just in case somebody wants to pick it. But if somebody comes over, you can just be like, oh yeah, let me knock that out for you. I don't have any jobs like that. There's no best by customer service

where now I can help you return a microwave. You know, you're better. I never have to teach my friends how to run the lottery machine. Yeah, right, exactly. The only time I think I can do that is when somebody. You could advise on a TV purchase though, maybe. Right?

No, I was in the returns. I was only in returns. I mean. No, I was in the returns. I was only in return. No, no applicable skill set. Other than just accepting broken products. You guys need emergency road service for an RV. I could say some stuff. There you go. Stay calm.

I could let you know that we don't accept opened media. Like, are you trying to return that opened Entourage DVD back to Best Buy? That's not gonna happen. You're not gonna get a copy. You already opened it. I can also ring you up for some Bettsons and Edges. I can round your cards up, easy.

I'm rounding up everybody's cards. You still remember this, Q? Yeah. I could sell you identity theft protection, probably. I do need that. No you don't, nobody does. Don't anyone ever buy it, ever. It's such a scam. Classic call center scam. Ident identity theft protection probably. I do need that. Oh, no you don't, nobody does. Don't anyone ever buy it ever, it's such a scam. Classic call center scam.

Identity theft protection. Bro, we used to have to sell it, I was so good at it and I hated every second of it, but it's like, it was my bonus, so you know, if you were stupid enough to buy it, I guess, unfortunately. Yeah. I loved it. I felt terrible. Intelligentsia Coffee treats being a barista

like somebody who makes samurai swords treats being an apprentice there, where it's like you can't even get near the milk for the first eight months. You just have to like... You just have to shovel coals to show me you want to... They have a well-paid position there that is called the educator.

And it's their entire sole purpose is to train all the people that come through there. Um, that's a... If anyone here doesn't know, And it's their entire sole purpose is to train all the people that come through there. That's it. If anyone here doesn't know, Intelligentsia was like the original expensive, nice LA coffee shop where you would go get like a $7 pour over. And there were trophies for like barista competitions

all over the place. Closer to five. Yeah. Five, closer to five. We would do latte art throw downs, like stay late night and do it. That's amazing. What's a latte throwdown?

Like basically who can ever, whoever can pour like the most beautiful, perfect Rosetta or a little tulip or yeah, it's a misconception that it's cool to like make a bear because that's not a hand pour. That's someone playing with your food. Right. With a straw or a little wooden stick. So it's like, oh look, they made me a teddy bear. It's like, no, they just played with your food.

Oh, they've had to draw it essentially out of the foam. Yeah, it was foam. But the heart you just kind of get a little more of that. The heart you hand pour like this. It's a big, like this, and then up and through. Ice coffee, baby. Iced coffee was the pick though. Iced coffee was the pick though. Iced coffee was the pick.

I never do hot coffee. Middle of winter I'll do an iced coffee. 30 below I'll do an iced coffee. You and Josh Gondelman. You and Josh Gondelman are like year round iced coffee boys. I get so bummed when, cause I make iced coffee in the thing at home just trying to save money you know.

And if I have to make hot coffee I get so, it does the opposite for me, I swear. It gets utilitarian at that point. I don't get any joy out of a hot coffee. I don't like it at all. Interesting. I get so much joy out of a hot coffee. Same, it's like so good.

Yeah, don't do anything for me either, Sean. We might talk about it later. Yeah. David, are you drinking coffee these days? No? Nah. First time we ever hung out, David politely drank coffee. So, well, not the first time we hung out.

First time I picked you up. Every now and again I'll do it. You remember I picked you up, we were gonna go record, and it was like pretty new on, we got coffees and you got one, and then I realized later, I think you were just doing it to be like, yeah, sure, I'll get a coffee, why not? Yeah, what the hell?

Yeah, every now and again, but I don't, yeah. Lately, I get too jacked. I get too excited. I need it. I love it, man. I'm pathetic. I'm going into Starbucks ordering ice coffees in a hot cup. That'll really, you wanna see someone

do some mental gymnastics, that'll really throw them for a loop. Cut down on plastic waste? I try, and then every now and again. Wait, so can you say that again? You'll do what in two cups? I get the iced coffee in a hot cup, in like a paper cup, you know? That's a Tennessee Williams play, isn't it?

Yeah. Ice coffee in a hot cup? Comes alive in the third act, I'll tell you what. Yeah, and just because in my mind that's helping cut down on single use plastics even though the lids are plastic. That's why I started doing it at home, because it's like, I try to get the ritual of buying it,

that shouldn't be part of it. I'd like, the coffee is enough. Going and buying it shouldn't get me going as much as it does, but I love spending money. So it's hard. I just love commerce. I just like being in like a fucking mall or a Target. I love it.

I love it. I love going to the grocery store. I love all that stuff. So I'm trying to not buy it as much, but when I do, hot cup. I'll be getting a nice coffee shortly after this recording. When I go to the coffee shop to work on my new script, Isaac's Notebook. Nice, dude.

Isaac's Notebook, a searing drama about one man's quest to, I guess have ice cube windows installed in his condo. Yeah, is Bradley Cooper gonna be Isaac He's kind of serious, but funny at the same time Bradley Cooper's playing Isaac for sure I think would you be Bradley Cooper playing you are you okay with going cross-racial? I'm not sure about that You don't want to be sitting next to a press conference is being like It's also like 15 years older than me. Yeah, I was gonna say, you're gonna have to ask for Scarlett Johansson if you're gonna do that.

Yeah, I would have to ask for Scarlett Johansson. What if Bradley Cooper does the Junos butt to play you? Would that be okay? Is he not South Korean Bradley Cooper? I thought he was. Are you just finding this out? No. I thought he was completely... He's actually North Korean.

He's North Korean. See? And now I'm racist because I mixed him up. I didn't mean to do that. That's on me. He's from Pyongyang, dude. He came from the Pyongyang Actress Studio. You haven't seen those videos? The Pyongyang?

Pyongyang Actress Studio. Yeah. Ice coffee is the pick. Beth, time for your first pick. Okay, so yes. Now, I know it's been a minute since I've been on here because, pardon me, of course, I'm not going to be boring, but like I already said, hot coffee. I'm not going to be boring.

I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going. Ooh, okay, so yes. Now I know it's been a minute since I've been on here because pardon me, of course, I'm not gonna be boring, but like I already said, hot coffee's my thing. That's my number one. You can take it.

Hot black coffee. You can take it. Yeah, absolutely. I know, I know, but I'm not gonna do that because I think what I mean. Don't take it, you just said it. You can, you have to. Wait, I have to?

No, you don't have to, you don't have to. Okay, I'm just saying, I feel like the last time I was on here it was like a war and we had to choose animals and like who would win, you know what I mean? And it's like, obviously if that's the case and we're being violent, then I'm gonna choose hot coffee and burn your face.

Because you can throw it. Well, that's not, that was that episode's theme. We're not considering these weapons necessarily, although you can absolutely factor that in when people are picking on women. No, do you think they should have hot coffee? Like if you gotta go to the parking ramp alone to your car, why not have like a hot coffee station right there

so you can walk with a glass of hot coffee alone to your car? A glass as a weapon. A glass so you can break the glass on their face and the hot coffee goes flying. Okay, and this is just a pitch, a small pitch. Yeah. What if your assailant is stopped by the hot coffee thing and now you're in a hot coffee fight

Well, then you have to have a chat. Nobody attacks another person with a hot coffee I bring a night coffee fight every turn I know the only thing that stops a bad guy with a cup of hot coffee is a good guy with a cup of hot coffee according to Sean Jordan here If I had some hot coffee on those planes, the towers would still be I'd have had some hot coffee on those planes, the towers would still be here. Oh. Oh man, Marky Mark was supposed to be on that plane.

My choice, are you ready? Oh, we're ready. Is, I think I could take the whole genre, and it'd be LaCroix. Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You committed to LaCroix State. Yo.

Ha ha. For the listeners, Beth just put on a LaCroix hat as she made that pick. I thought you were gonna go bubbly, but. I'm so deep in the LaCroix family, I ignored a message from Spindrift offering to send me a free case. Shut the fuck up. Whoa. Easy, easy Spindrift. That's how much I love LaCroix.

They were gonna give you like $8. Spindrift, slow down. Back up, Spindrift. I'm taken. Spindrift, when we were in the Late Late Show writers room, Caroline Goldfarb worked there. She's also got that official Sean Penn. She's like an influencer-y.

She's very online. I wouldn't call her an influencer, but she's just like very good at the internet. She was writing on the show. And she got us a Spindrift fridge where they just kept sending us free Spindrift. We never talked about it on the show. She just hooked it up.

So that's a free beverage company, they're very thirsty. I'll say that about Spindrift. Yeah. Nice alternative phrase, my friend. To me, Spindrift is just like a fruit juice with bubbles. And LaFroya is inexplicable. We're gonna find out probably years from now something is bad happening, but it's zero everything. So it's confusing. It's zero everything.

I keep waiting for that shoe to drop. We talked about it, because we drafted sparkling waters a few weeks ago. Or sparkling seltzers or whatever. So you guys did all of this? We drafted sparkling waters a few weeks ago, or sparkling seltzes or whatever, and it is gonna suck. So you guys did all of this, like, okay. Not really. Just seltzes. We drafted sparkling waters.

Yeah, yeah. Specifically sparkling water, the only sparkling waters. Yeah. Topo Chico went early. It is gonna suck when they're like, oh yeah, that, it's gonna be something like prostate cancer too. Yeah, because it says naturally-essenced,

and I want that to be true. David's naturally-essenced. It says naturally-essenced, and then want that to be true. David's naturally-essensed. It says naturally-essensed, and then it has a asterisk right there, and the asterisk says non-GMO, so that's good. Yeah. How do they do it, though? I agree. I don't know.

Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. Could it be, what's it called, aspartame or something? It's not aspartame, they'd have to tell us aspartame. And that's a sweetener, right? Yeah. It doesn't taste sweet. They taste bitter to me. I agree.

See, I love it because, I don't know, I feel like I'm trying to remember when I had to conquer pop. Like as a kid, it was like, stop drinking pop. You know, as an adult, these things would taste disgusting, Ohio. Okay, the pop, you don't hear that a lot. I'm from South Dakota, we call it the pop.

Anyway, sorry. No, it's fine. But I just mean, I don't ever remember having a huge addiction to pop, but then I'm like, if you gave me a Lecraze, I could be like, this is literal poison. And as an adult, I'm like, great solution to what I wanna drink during the day.

My buddy's mom used to drink Clarebrune, if you remember that shit. And it was like the way, way before any of these like flavored, it was just like disgusting mineral water. I accidentally, Clairbrun. It sounds familiar, but then I'm like, am I thinking of like Clair de Lune? I think it even had a little umlaut over the ooh.

The ooh over the... There you go. It was disgusting. They had different colored cans. I'm like, this is not cherry. So I don't know what you're trying to pull. Beth, what's your favorite LaCaroix? Can you power rank them for us? Yeah.

This is a difficult choice. I almost always go peach pear. Yeah, I love the peach pear. Can't go wrong. I'm on the hibiscus right now. Yeah, I love a peach pear. Can't go wrong. I'm on that hibiscus right now. There's others that are up there for sure. I've got plum going right now in the fridge. I like cran razz.

I like, I'm actually a coconut fan. Me too. I love the coconut one. I like limoncello. That one is crazy cool. And key lime. See the key lime and the lim cello start to get a little... I get it.

A little like, how they doing this? I know. It's starting to get a little like... You taste it and I agree. You're like, what is happening in my mouth right now? How do they do it? Lemon cello, it's not natural about it. Yeah.

It's weird, man. But it's good, but it's great. Great pick, LaCroix. A fucking yeah. It's weird, man. But it's good, but it's great. Great pick, LaCroix. A fucking staple. A juggernaut. I don't, you're midwesterners. Do you remember it existing when you were kids?

Because I don't. I just remember. Talking rain. Wisconsin. LaCroix, Wisconsin is the only place I remember. I remember talking rain. Crystal. Wait.

Clearly Canadian? Yes. Clearly Canadian. They still have those. They're back. They're back. I got? Yes! Clearly Canadian. They still have those. They're back. They're back. I had one. I got some when I was home.

Four days ago. And they are sugary sweet, which is so funny. Yeah, they are. Because back then it was like, this isn't enough. Yeah. I thought my mom was Jack LaLanne drinking one of those when I was a kid. Now it's like, no, you're fucking. Jack LaLanne.

There's nothing healthy about it. You can taste it. Just doing one-hand push-ups, drinking the peach. It's like a liquid pixie stick. I took a sip and I was like, this ain't healthy. The peach is healthy. I. Just doing one hand pushups, drinking the peach. It's like a liquid pixie stick. I took a sip and I was like, this ain't healthy. The peach, I was like, whoa.

Yeah. It was a fun memory. That's a fantastic pic. I put, fuck, this is, I got some Clearly Canadian once. I was at my dad's, I was staying at my dad's houseboat. Dad's shit. That's where they ship them. That's where they ship them. That's where they ship them to board there.

That's the headquarters of Clearly Canadian right there. On my dad's houseboat, his first boy, he was just renting a houseboat. And I was in middle school or early high school, but I think middle school. And I got some Clearly Canadians and I got some gummy worms and I put the gummy worms in the Clearly Canadian and I was like, like a te clearly Canadian and I was like like a

tequila and I drink those Party trick from a kid you're on solo and this is what we've lost with cell phones and tik-tok Get them get them dead. I was so bored that I was like, I'm gonna fucking sit here I'm gonna watch cinemax not even porn cinemax like I was like, I'm gonna fucking sit here. I'm gonna watch Cinemax, not even porn Cinemax, like 10 in the morning Cinemax and drink clear. Just like Norbit or something. Norbit, yeah, fucking Norbit

and drink clearly Canadian with worms in it. Norbit. God, man. That kind of innovation, we don't have anymore. That 40th birthday is creeping right up on you, buddy. Oh yeah, baby. David Borey, time for your first pick. My first pick, it's a go-to on a hot day,

and I can test that I don't think I've ever had a bad one in my life. I did like it as a kid, but then you grow into it, so I guess I had a bad one as a kid. I'm taking an Arnold Palmer. Oh, baby. Oh, look at you. I never had a bad one. I never been let down.

It's always exactly what I just, I just, we went to the swap meet the other day and I got an Arnold Palmer and it was the highlight of the swap meet for me. Was the guy at the booth just slanging Arnold Palmer? They had a lot of other stuff. They had funnel cakes. I got a Lakers Carl Malone jersey.

I got an Arnold Palmer. I can do anything you want, man. It just sounds refreshing. And Micheladas. But yeah, man, it's always great. It's great when it's hot. It's not too sweet. And it's always exactly how I want it to taste.

I owe my first experience with an Arnold Palmer to another great American treasure, Paul Newman. Because he had a Newman's own Arnold Palmer. He did. And I remember getting that when I worked at QFC stocking groceries. And I was like, what is this? And I drank it. Changed my life. That's an old guy really figured it out.

He really did. It's like it's like ordering an Arnold Palmer, too. It's like that Sam Adams commercial where like if you I've had it where you like a lunch or something or dinner with people and you're like, I'll have an Arnold Palmer and other people are like, you know what, I'll have an Arnold, I can't say it. I know, it's hard. I'll have an Arnold Palmer as well.

I'll have an Arnold Palmer. I'll also have an Arnold Palmer. Arnie Palms, give me an Arnie Palmer. Arnie Palmer. Arnie Palmer. The, do you remember that Sports Center commercial where the Arnold Palmer is in the ESPN cafeteria and they're watching him making Arnold Palmer and they're like he's doing Fucking flex to be like one of the best golfers of all time and your true legacy is a tasty beverage.

Seriously. Yeah. Is it just like, he didn't start it though. Was it like a family recipe or something? People must have done it, but he was, he like kind of, he would do that. Like when he was at a, you know, like at a country club or whatever, he'd be like, hey, would you make me, you know, I wanted some lemonade, but would you splash some iced tea in there?

And fucking, I agree with them You ever try to drink just a lemonade in your 30s. It's like you're in the electric too much. It's crazy It's too much. It's yeah, it's it's I like lemonade still it was on my list But then this snuck it out And you're right to do it and you're right to especially when it's hot out Yeah, and then I like it Snuck it out. You're right to do it and you're right to especially when it's hot out Yeah, and then I like it. I like it when the ice melts kind of and then it's kind of watered down even more Well now there's the third liquid in play. Yeah, there is. Yeah. Oh

Water yeah, that's the one Time for my water second picks time for my first and second picks and listen you my first and second picks. And listen, you guys have taken some amazing, some flashy beverages. Right. I've been playing college football 25 on Xbox. And if I've learned one thing, if I've learned one thing from building up this dynasty, is it starts in the trenches.

Yeah. It starts in the trenches. You need to build that offensive line. Come on. All right? Not flashy. No, you're right. I need to build that offensive line. Come on. All right? Not flashy. No, you're right. I'm drafting, but I'm drafting water.

Yeah, of course. Damn. Absolutely. That's fucked. I didn't even think about, it's the water, it's, God damn it. That was what I was saying, the boring, you know, the thing, you need to, of course, it's the best thing there is. The original beverage, the original beverage,

non-alcoholic or otherwise. The beverage that started all beverages. It, listen, if you're, if you're, if you're quenched, if you're just generally quenched, maybe a glass of water doesn't sound that good, but nothing on earth, like when you're fucking thirsty, like when you've been running field hockey practice for like three hours and you're like, Jesus, I just sweat out every drop of liquid in my body. When you've been doing football two a days and your coach has this weird philosophy

that if they drink water, they're cowards. Oh man, we had that. But then that kid died. That kid died during two a days junior year. And then we had all these water breaks after that because that kid died that kid died during two days Do we have a drink and then we know all these water breaks after that cuz that's crazy They let us drink water like twice in the three-hour practice squirts It was like they come by and like ours was a hose They gave you 90 seconds for every football player on the team

It was a hose up into a like a pipe in it The trough and you would have to run over to that and drink water, but nothing. That's crazy. Was as good as the water from that hose when you were fucking thirsty. I'm taking water, it's so good, it's delicious.

Can I be a conspiracy theorist for a second here? Yeah. I don't think we're made up of as much water as they would have us believe. Wow. And who benefits benefits We give this shit Coca-Cola Dasani Nestle, what are we 80% water? No, I'm an aquafina guy though, by the way

I'm an aquafina guy though, by the way if we're talking about I don't I can't do Dasani Sucks aqua scene aquafina sucks. I do Icelandic one that's been A jacket bottle no, no that that one is good. I like the skyra or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I've been drinking that uh, that's like Or whatever, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been drinking that, uh, that's like, Alkaline water. Keystone ice. Yeah.

Keystone. I've been drinking that alkaline water with like the red line on it, I don't know why. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta get my chakras balanced, man. I go to the top of Mount Hood and get mine, but I see where you guys are coming from. Glaciers, fresh glacier milk.

Eat some Lincoln berries. I get a thermos full five times a day Lincoln berries number two pick is hot coffee. I'm sorry Beth Wait sorry, this is the serpentine parts back take it back to back with you. Yeah, I'm with you That's fine in my opinion kid in its purest form you don't have to lie you can be hurt I feel it. I feel it. I feel it emanating off of you. You don't like getting coffee

and just being able to take a big old slug? I don't like having to worry about it. It's gonna burn my lips. It's gonna, you know. My boyfriend says my superpower is taking a sip right away of the hot coffee. Doesn't burn me at all. Yeah, I can do the same thing.

I'm ready to go. You put any, you're black, right? You put black in it or you Jewish. I'm Jewish He just starts rapping. You know that. Uh, the... Yeah, I drink coffee black. I take my coffee black. I don't like anything in it. I like the way coffee tastes. I love the whole, I love the ritual of making it.

I love the smell. You first pour it and then the... You take it like through the nose first and then that sip, man. I just, I just love it. It feels, it invigorates me more. I drink coffee, hot coffee, if I'm going for a walk, I'll be getting iced coffee. But if I'm sitting and working, 100 degrees out,

I'll do a hot coffee. While you're hanging drywall. What's the latest in the day you'll hit a coffee? I'll do an after dinner coffee. 8 p.m., 9 p.m., 10 p.m. Oh yeah. See, some people acclimate to that shit. I'm after dinner coffee as well, black.

Or an Americano. You guys are tough. You guys are tough. You've had like a beautiful meal. You had a little dessert maybe? Yeah, there's nothing better than dessert with an Americano or a black coffee. And look, sometimes I'll do a decaf. It's just not as tasty as.

No. Because they use the Swiss water process on decaf to decassinate it. And sometimes there's flavor lost. What month did they teach you that? I didn't know that. Month seven. Now that's early.

That's child's play. Yeah, I haven't gentured into decaf yet. It seems sometimes I do want a coffee at night. I wonder if a decaf, like a decaf iced coffee, they taste different? Is it shitty? It tastes a little different, it's not shitty. Can you tastecaf, like a decaf iced coffee, they taste different? Is it shitty? Tastes a little different. It's not shitty.

Can you taste the difference? Like blind? Yeah. Isaac's in the chat saying I'm a decaf guy. Decaf's great. Some people transition to decaf in older age. I guess I'm getting older. I'm turning 30 this year.

It's not fucked with their heart. I know I wasn't talking about you. Yeah. You're calling me old. I do get little flutters if I, cause every now and again I'll go nuts on the iced coffee on a road trip or something, I'll have like six. And then yeah, it's like. Heart palpitations.

Mm-hmm. I don't find it affects my heart too much. And I had those, I had those weird little heart palpitation things. But I guess if I'm calm, otherwise the coffee can't make me jacked enough. That is true. Not interesting. It's extremely interesting and it's hilarious, good job.

Thank you. Thank you. It is funny, it is funny. It's also informative. People at home are getting hurt palpitations and wondering what's up. They're wondering what the next picks are. Could be coffee.

I'll tell you this, it's stress. Stress is what did it, more than anything to me. Got myself some beta blockers. I haven't used one in a while, but that sounds cool. I got those too. I think I used it once, and for me, it had the opposite effect. Oh no.

It lit you up? Yeah, it made my heart race. Because I was like, you know what? I'll just try it, actually, see what's up before. And I just did, it was at a show where I was recording the set, but it was not like a taping. I was like, this is a prerecord just to like remove concept

and made my heart like, like it was the opposite effect for me. Shit. It works on me. The first time I took a beta blocker, it was like, boom, boom. Like it was like, I think I was worried that it was beating so slow, yeah.

Interesting. I go to the airport. Get a double beta blocker from the bar and then I'm good to go. There you go. Beta blocker. Neat. Neat?

Neat. David, time for your second pick. Ah, okay. Now we're getting in the weeds. I'm gonna get greasy on this second one. Grease, you take grease. You can drink it. Chugging grease. I'm gonna get greasy on the second one Somebody dares you uh No, I think I am gonna stick with my original plan The other day had a picnic

We had a bunch of these on top of a hill looking at the river. Great day. I'm taking Italian soda. Yeah, yeah. Wow. What? On a picnic you had them? It was awesome! How'd you do it? It was the best! It was the best! Who packed those? My girlfriend. I didn't even think about it. She was like, oh I got you something. Did you pack the cream and the syrup separately? The whole shit! She got the little coffee, the little Tarani things. Yeah. She got a six pack of those and put it in the cooler The whole shit, she got the little coffee, the little Tarani things. She got a six pack of those and put it in the cooler

and then put in two or three cans of sparkling water and then some half and half in a thermos and then separate cups in a stirrer. Hold on for dear life. Damn. I was gonna say, that's a wedding, bud. It was wild, dude. Awesome.

We served Italian sodas at Grater's Ice Cream my first job, and that was really something to learn about and hard to learn. Cause at the soda fountain, forward is like, a nice bubble soda, back is a scary spritz. It's like a paper. So if you did it the wrong way, it's going up in your face. That's a dangerous, and that's the thing, I like a paper. So if you did it the wrong way, it's going up in your face. That's a dangerous, and that's the thing,

I like the danger. But you use the, so yours sounds like you guys did a coffee version. Is that a coffee version? I don't drink coffee. I think he said coffee instead of tirani. He meant tirani. Oh, I meant the one, the little tiranis

that people buy for coffees. The little, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a tirani? The syrup. It's like, I have some over there. It's the syrup. It's like you see in my coffee shops, the clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk. Not in Intellig yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a tirani? The syrup. It's like, I have some over there. It's the syrup. It's like you see McAfee shops,

the clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk. Not at Intelligentsia ever. They would never. They would never. They would never befoul their coffee shop with that shit. Do you know what you call a dinosaur that drinks Italian cream soda? I'm thinking moanin.

Moanin squirts. Okay, sorry. What do you call it? A tiranisaurus rex. A tiranisaurus re Rex, you got it. Wow. Got you. Look at that.

Same page, Playboy, same page. Laura and Hardy. It might be time to unveil the double act. Might be time to just transition completely. I mean I think you just wrote the opening. Into the duo? Oh bro, I would. That's the only thing that could give me back

on a standup stage I think. Yeah, the Tyranny Oh, bro. That's the only thing that can get me back on a standup stage, I think. Yeah the tirani syrups. That's like when you go to a coffee shop and you order a macadamia coconut mocha kind of thing, you know, and they're like blap blap blap blap blap blap blap blap. I remember being a kid at those little like, if we were at the doctors or somewhere really annoying for a kid, but they had one of those stands, my mom would like get me an Italian soda, but also you have to shut the fuck up

for the rest of the time. Yeah, yeah. Totally. You know, but yeah, I love them. Which is weird, because I also don't like cream. You know what I mean? You're not a cream boy, yeah. No. Think about an Italian soda

is basically like an adult Mr. Misty. Like if you were to add- What's a Mr. Misty? Like if you were to add from Dairy Queen, it's like a slushie and then they add that beautiful soft serve that's ice cream. It's like a float. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. I didn't even wanna know about this.

Yeah, Mr. Misty. It's about a fourth round pick is what it is. I'll tell ya. The Mr. Misty. Yeah, we did these at the old spaghetti factory. I had one at the old spaghetti factory two weeks ago. Italian sodas. Oh yeah.

And do they still come in those tall, thin glasses? They do, and you take one home. They gave us one. Oh, we were taking them. We had a gang of those at the house. Yeah, let me tell you this. Doesn't even fit in the fucking cupboard. What's the point?

Waiting tables at the old spaghetti factory, those things are not structurally sound. They are tall and narrow. They have poor weight distribution. And I know I've told this story on the podcast before, but I definitely spilled a tray of Italian sodas all over a lady in a nice white shirt. Oh no. She was very cool about it,

but boy, those things fell over all the fucking time. That's stressful as hell. You're not meant to have 16 of those on a tray, but that's how things fell over all the fucking time. Yeah. That's stressful as hell. You're not meant to have 16 of those on a tray, but that's how big the tables are at the old spaghetti factory. We'll move on. Beth, time for your second pick. Okay. This is an interesting choice for me.

Because I'm thinking like war. You're thinking like war? So all of our drinks have to fight each other like in Anchorman where they all square up? I'm actually going with V8. Whoa! Wow! Yeah, you want all of us to barf everywhere, I get it. You don't like V8?

I don't like, well buddy, I don't like V8. V8's disgusting. My dad would drink it. It's absolutely disturbing. I think it used to be like what they thought was healthy back in the eighties or nineties or something. It did indeed. I would be so curious what it actually is. It's like a crazy salt bar. Yeah, it's like crazy sodium, right?

That's funny. It's all the fucking sodium on earth. It's insane. Hilarious. So, yeah, as a weapon. Yeah, that's insane. Hilarious. So yeah, as a weapon. Is that so sick? You're gonna win so far, you gotta harder. I'm diversifying my liquids too. Oh, they do a low sodium, they do a low sodium one, but boy oh boy, there's 640 milligrams.

I was gonna say, ever since they found out what sodium was, VA was like, okay, we'll do a low sodium one. We'll do a low sodium. Nobody was talking about sodium back in the day. No. Never came up once. Didn't even consider, I was eating lunch meat. I was just eating fucking sleeves of lunch meat,

like healthy, I'm being healthy right now. I had no idea. Again. My blood pressure was getting jacked beyond any recognition. That's the hardest thing for me. My dad was hurting himself with VA and then giving lunch meat to his dog and hurting his dog on accident. Yeah.

Get a paper cut, it comes flying out like a fire hose. Oh. Your heartbeat, you just see it. Like an SNL sketch from the 70s. I have to say, I do love the taste of V8 though. It's just like a, it's a virgin slutty Mary. Yeah, I really do I Haven't had it in forever. It tastes like your drinks marinara sauce. It's great. I Like marinara sauce not then you like V8 it's a mental

This is a mental block for you, Mr. Alfredo sauce cold mccain. Yo, it's a mental block for you, Mr. Alfredo Sass called Mikaela. Yo, it's a mental block, bro. It's a mental block. Yo, it's a mental block for you, it's crazy. Off topic, but I just, so you said the blood squirt, one time I came home, I was visiting, I was hammered, I got home at like two in the morning, back home in Sioux Falls,

and my mom had cut herself shaving, and that was happening on her leg. It was just going like and squirting like blood on the cabinets and I was a little drunk I started crying and she's like, what are you doing? I was like we need to call an ambulance She's like no this happens. This just happens when I cut myself shaving. It was wild, dude What? Yeah, just like wild like her blood pumping out at her heart rate. It was it was nuts It's a brutal story That was a rough story when I started I was like there's something funny at the end of this there wasn't Well, I shaved my legs in second grade and a similar bloodbath

It's kind of funny that you cried Yeah, I started crying immediately. I'm sad pop. You know, You know, I cry anyways. Mom! She's like, this is what it's like to be a woman. I'm everywhere. Take it in! Look at it! You used to it. You chose to be, you chose to be heterosexual. What?

The first thing I ever shaved my face with was an electric leg shaver, and it ripped the hair out of my face. That's a single mom behavior. And it ripped the hair out of my face. That's a single mom behavior. Oh yeah, first thing I did, I also shaved with my mom's razor. Yeah. It was crazy. That's what you have in the house.

You're like. A ladybic, yeah, absolutely. The pack, just a pack. And then when Skintimid came out, then Skintimids. I don't know. It seems like they've made great leaps and strides in women's razors. I don't even use men's razors. So I use men still I it's like yeah. Yeah, maybe they've made strides, but it's like just use the men's because you guys were doing better for them the whole time

Yes, true to five four four blades. Give me five The days are crazy. They they literally wanted you to just keep buying over. I mean, you get it. Yeah, they got one blade on them and no little gel strip. Fuck that. Shout out to Wesley Snipes, though. Little pictures of his face on each blade. I like a V8. I won't drink it anymore

because that's not how I want to take my salt in, but I do enjoy the flavor. On an airplane? Come on. Disgusting, disgusting. On an airplane. Oh yeah, that was the move, dude. I think it's probably good to have sodium on an airplane because you get. Disgusting, disgusting. On an airplane? Oh yeah, that was the move, dude. I think it's probably good to have sodium on an airplane

because you get dehydrated, something like that. Yeah, I was gonna say maybe that's why they do that. Folk wisdom, something like that. But yeah, Sean Jordan, time for your second third picks. V8 off the board. I'm gonna watch the world burn, man. I'm gonna pick eggnog. God damn it!

I wanna set it on fire. I thought I could get it late. I didn't want anyone getting their hands on my dirty little secret I love it. I love Eggnog I just didn't why I wanted it and I knew I could get it later But I didn't want to roll the dice eggnog chomper Yeah, no guess so, you know for all of my past trend and current transgressions I've never had alcohol in eggnog. Never once. I don't like it either.

I never liked it either. It corrupts the whole drink. I've never even tried it. No reason to mix. Yeah, it corrupts the whole thing. Do they mix? It feels like the alcohol would just stand out and it would curdle.

It just doesn't feel like it would work. As someone who barely even enjoys, I don't know, I don't drink a ton, and I'm like, I think I've tried it, and it's like, no, don't dirty this. I love eggn a ton and I'm like I have any I think I've tried it and it's like no don't Don't dirty this love I get myself my own cartons when like holiday seasons I get mine to slug off from the fridge and then I get like the one that people pour out of right

You know, it's fucked that they started doing though. They pushed it back now. They got an Easter eggnog that comes out Yeah, I'll take it. They can give me all the knock. It's not Easter egg flavored. It's just eggnog that comes out. Yeah, I'll take it. They can give me all the nog. It's not Easter egg flavored, it's just eggnog around Easter. Do they dye it? Is it like pastels? That was like missing for way too long. Like, duh, it's Easter, eggs, come on.

What are we doing with eggnog at Christmas in the first place? They should have Easter eggnog. I don't eat it more times a year. It's so spicy. I get myself a pipe for the holiday season and that's what I can do. Yeah that's that's responsible. I try out all the new kinds they got. They got vanilla, cinnamon, pumpkin. They got that pumpkin one. It does sort of devalue it's whatever. Because think about it. I love peeps and peeps now they're like there's

flag day peeps, there's Easter peeps, there's summer peeps, there's fourth of July peeps, now they're like, there's Flag Day peeps, there's Easter peeps, there's Summer peeps, there's Fourth of July peeps, there's Halloween peeps. It's like, guys. Give me that nog. The Halloween peeps I understood, it's a candy market, you wanna get your foot in the door, but they've gone too far. They were late to that.

I don't need Summer peeps. Sean, I would kill a stranger for your metabolism. With peeps, what they should do before they make all the other ones is stop making them taste like absolute dog shit is what they should do with Peeps. That's what I think. Wow. Yeah, right at you, dude. Right at you, Stella.

What do you... Look, I even, like, I don't even know how to explain this, but I have a post-it note that says, get Peeps. Oh, no. Peeps! I'm not a marshmallow man myself, So I recuse myself from the conversation. You know what I would drink is pea flavored eggnog. Pea flavored eggnog all day I would drink that. Oh God, that for sure exists.

You're going crazy. Love eggnog. I love eggnog though, I'm with you. It's like too good. It's like, it's fucked up. Yeah. Every time I get it, it's like, it feels like doing hard drugs where you're like,

you shouldn't be doing this. I'm doing it at night in front of the kitchen, like, so nobody can see. Yeah. Right out of the carton? Yeah, yeah, sometimes I do it in the alley. If you drink it out of a glass, then you have to deal with what it does to the glass.

All the film on the glass. Yeah, because then you know that's in you. That's coating. Yeah, you're like, I just hit it in me. That's coating all the urine. All the way down my esophagus. Yeah. And out of the carton, it almost regulates it better because then you can just do it by the swallow. Right.

I go through a carton pretty quick. Usually I get one and it's gone by the end of that night. Pretty quick. Pretty quick. How long could you stay on a treadmill going five miles an hour. Eight miles an hour, let's say. You jog on a treadmill. Eight miles is like a, that's like a, I jog.

That's a long time on a treadmill. You have to drink a glass of eggnog every three minutes. Oh. Three minutes? Can I barf? How long can you last? Because I think if you're barfing, but not because you're sick,

I think you can keep going. I think it's, because I wouldn't get like a tummy ache, I would just barf it up, because my body would be like too much nog. They'd hit the nog button. So, I think you can keep going. I think it's, because I wouldn't get like a tummy ache, I would just barf it up, because my body would be like too much nog. They'd hit the nog button. So, I don't know, 15 minutes? Wow.

I don't know, I've never tried it. That's five glasses. What's our Patreon at right now? Is there a marker we can hit to make you do the nog jog? The Patreon is at, I should have read Moby Dick a few hundred people ago. The nog dog. We can do the nogog Jog instead.

The Nog Jog? The opposite of you reading Moby Dick is the Nog Jog. I think we gotta get the Nog Jog going, dude. The Nog Jog sounds stanker, it's way easier to do, it'd be way more fun, I love the Nog Jog. If you Nog Jog this holiday season, I will buy it, I will fly in and make shirts. Me too.

I'll Nog Jog, somebody bring a fuckin' treadmill to wherever we do the AFE and high plans on our Nog Jog. No, I'm. I'll nog jog. Somebody bring a fucking treadmill to wherever we do the AFE high planes and I'll nog jog. No, I'm saying I'll come to you. We can't nog jog at high planes. It's gonna be hot. No, you might do it at your house. And we have stuff to do. You might do it at your house.

I'll do it. Yeah, Laura'd probably be all right with me nog jogging. There's no alcohol, so. The nog jog. Beth, thank you for joining us. Sean Jordan, how about your third pick? You know, after the nog jog. Beth, thank you for joining us. Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. You know, after the nog jog, I'm gonna want some Gatorade to wash it all down.

So. Okay, sure, Gatorade. Yeah, Gatorade. Time. You don't like Gatorade? No, I can't cross pollinate those things. Oh, no, I wouldn't put them that close together, but I love Gatorade, man. I mean, you know, I'm not splitting the atom. I always have citrus cooler, shout out. That was my first favorite flavor of Gatorade

when I was a kid. That seems so advanced, like, that that didn't even exist yet. Citrus Cooler. It was like the burnt orange looking one. It was, I was probably fifth grade or whatever when I started playing sports, you know, for like actually-

It was just orange and yellow when I was a little kid. I feel like red. That's what I thought. Red, orange, and yellow. I thought it. It was just orange and yellow when I was a little kid. I feel like red. That's what I thought. Red, orange and yellow. I thought it was a red, orange, yellow, and then they started doing blue and purple. And then blue. When they had those glass bottles.

Oh, way back in the day. You remember that? Way back. I don't remember that. It was like the same bottle as that juice twister. I don't recall the glass bottle. Me neither, but how about the little ones that were,

it felt like, is this from a different factory? Yes. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not the Gatorade I know. It'd be in a cooler practice, and you're like, come on. Did you guys ever have the powder, so when we would go to football games,

they would give you the Gatorade, and then the powder to put in and mix it yourself? Yeah. I was reminded of this on a different. I was listening to different podcast the other day the Gatorade gum You remember that shit? There's Yeah, yeah, you think that quenched a thirst at all or was that just gum was it like bubble yum I bet I had some other shit, but like, not like a glass of water, for example. Well, didn't they say that though? Don't they tell you that shit?

Oh, I get what you're doing, you're shoe-horning your pick. I get it, I get it. Yeah, you ain't getting it. Gatorade. Yeah, Gatorade, baby. Just like Gatorade. I remember when I found out Gatorade wasn't good for you, that was a crushing blow, when like, you know,

you'd sit in a call center and you'd be like, I'm having a Gatorade, I'll be healthy while I'm at work. Yeah, it's good for you when you use it as intended Yeah, yeah if I'm out there running fucking ladder drills all day, but or you're hungover That's where I got the most you said a Gatorade in my life Third pick I definitely definitely hang a pedialyte Gatorade trying they have the sugar-free Gatorade now? Oh yeah, zero? Clutch when you're hungover. My third pick is something that my dad struggled with

because he grew addicted, is Mountain Dew. Oh yeah, baby. Oh. There we go. I have. Classic Dew. Seven kinds of Mountain Dew. You're in the friends of Mountain Dew.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was doing a case a day and had to wean himself off. Wow. Whoa. Case a day of the do? That's a lot of do. He was doing the do.

Yeah, he was doing it. He was a mountaineer. Mountaineer at that point, fucking scaling the mount? Fuck. Like a mountain did. What is that, 12 times a day? A case. Dude. Dude, 12 times a day? Okay. Dude, dude.

That's a crazy amount. Sean Jordan, what's the most you've had in a day? I mean, call center days, we would have contests to see who could drink the most. Those and a different drink that might get brought up later. So it's been a lot, but any more like half a one, and I'm toast. There, I mean, I probably have six different kinds

at this house right now though. I don't even know the last time I had like just a full strength green Mountain Dew. I have a clear one in the fridge. It's this guy had to buy it the other day because it's just a clear Fourth of July Mountain Dew. It's white. Mountain Dew's America.

Beth, are you still regularly mixing it up with sodas or are you on the sideline? Will you have a Mountain Dews America. Beth, are you still regularly mixing it up with sodas or are you on the sideline? Will you have a Mountain Dew? Is there a scenario? So I'm definitely not a soda head anymore. A pop head. However, sometimes we'll crave it, for example, if I'm going to Chipotle on a random whim, which is rare, and I'm going to get a Diet Coke with whim, which is rare. And I'm gonna get a Diet Coke with a little bit of barks at the top. And another time I'm gonna do it is if I'm in the mood at the movie theater with my popcorn.

And look, I'm gonna drink this much and unfortunately throw away the other 50 ounces that they give you in the small. So much. I like, and maybe this is me revealing too much, to have a mouthful of popcorn, and then take a slug off the Diet Coke, and let those two mix together in my mouth. That's kind of really-

Interesting to choose to mix. I'm definitely a chaser on it. It's a chaser. I like that. I'll let them mix. I'm like, what's this doing together? And I like the way it- It's kind of like kettle corn.

I didn't bring this up. I've talked about this on the podcast. It's kind of like kettle corn. And I've talked about this on the podcast before. I also like hot sauce in my coffee've talked about this on the podcast. It's kind of like Hellequart. I've talked about this on the podcast before. I also like hot sauce in my coffee. Yes. Yeah.

Excuse me. I like the feeling. So I discovered this on accident. I don't do it often. Talking to a coffee head over here. I don't do it often, but I so enjoy the sensation of like when you're having a hot saucy breakfast, you know, and then you take a sip of the hot coffee

and that feeling in your mouth, I really like it. to the point where I have put hot sauce in black coffee Wow, and I swear we talked about this on here like years and years ago And then I've seen other people talk about it. This is like people who say I don't like things mixing on my plate You're like I need things mixing in my mouth. I like things mixing. I'll mix on the plate, mix in my mouth It's all mixing up eventually anyway. He mixes baby. He mixes notoriously, he likes the mixture of a saltine and water. Like he'll have the saltine in his mouth and then take a drink while it's in there.

That's kind of fun, I see that. I can see that. Mix saltine better, it's great. I have put hot sauce in my coffee off your recommendation and I don't mind it. Yes, it's fine. I don't seek it but I don't mind it. I put it in my au jus all the day,

which I've said is just dipping coffee. I do that all the time. This guy likes that au jus. I do like it when you say that. Oh, you're au jus-ish? You got that one on. 100%. Bar meats, but never anything.

Hey, hey, come on. What are we doing? Just full of breakouts here. Having a fun time. Mountain Dew. Yeah. Haven't had one in probably more than a decade. I think I tasted yours when we were on tour, Sean. I have them at least once a month. I'll have one. And a bit. They have time for your third pick.

Uh, third pick. This is a weird one. This is a weird one, but this is true to me. We saw his go to the international grocery store when I was a kid and my mom would be like you could get a soda but from here and it's So it would be like you'd like experiment so I experimented with a lot of weird international sodas and uh, I got a dng jamaican ginger beer once and ever since then I love it I know it's polarizing and the Jamaican ones are like so it's like truly actually spicy Yeah, man. I love that shit. I love a ginger beer. I love it

Like absolutely love it so much so that I have you tried those fever tree ones. Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah Yeah They're great. They're little they are little that's kind of the fun of it. It feels like a treat. I Love any like I love like for example, I like my lord. I like I like a fucking complicated bitter medicinal Like flavor profile. I enjoyed I like all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. No, I profile. I enjoyed it. I like Yeager, all that stuff. Yeah. I have that, yeah. No, me too.

I just, it's like, it's got, it's like great for sipping. I don't know, I just really, really, really always liked it. Beth, you did your time in Chicago. Mallort, yay or nay? It's a dare. It's like a dare that's not that consequential. It's not that, I sincerely enjoy the flavor. It's like, what's it called when youential. You know? I sincerely enjoy the flavor. It's like, what's it called when you step on the back

of somebody's sneaker? Oh yeah. Flat tires. That's worse. Flat tires are worse. I don't know, I sincerely enjoy it. We did a couple when we played the den. What a venue. Oh yeah. That plays rules.

I agree. Did a couple of M'lord shots there. Had a wonderful time. I'll the den. What a venue. That plays rules. Did a couple of Mallorg shots there. Had a wonderful time. I'll do them. I just, I'm not like, just like any alcohol. I don't like any of it. I just like where it gets ya, you know? I've decided I'm a fan of the Chicago Bears

as I've married into a Chicago family. So I'm starting to become a Bears fan this year. And I'm hoping to get drunk and Mallorg goes to a Bear game. I'm very excited. Growing up in this year, and I'm hoping to get drawn to Malorca and see a Bear game. I'm very excited. Growing up in Oregon, we don't have a football team. I'm not gonna root for the fucking Seahawks. And now I finally feel like I have some purchase in the community.

Fucking Seahawks. I don't know why the Sky Chickens are catching up fucking stray. That doesn't feel fair. Yeah, they deserve it. A lot of cool guys over there. Fuck the sonics. Or milk. Oh, wow. Oh yeah. Yeah.

It's great. I don't drink dairy very often, but when I do nothing hits like a childhood classic chocolate milk, you can do it with almond milk. You can't do it with all it's actually kind of, cause then it's like a vanilla, all chocolatey pretty crazy. I love it. I love that weird Almost a multi flavor that it gets you know what I mean like that that chocolate milk especially when it comes pre-mixed

Not necessarily the nest quick but like the pre-mixed you get it you buy a chocolate milk at the grocery store And it's got that kind of multi chocolate flavor that I really love I love a chocolate milk The cow's blood is what that is. It's not like's blood. You ever get like the one straight from the dairy? Like out here it's Royal Crest, I don't know what else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alpenrose back up in Oregon. I'll suck it straight from the tap. Dude, I'll take it.

It comes from brown cows, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to get it at restaurants. I'd get chocolate milk at Perkins. That was like my, I'd get the little cow poke breakfast and a chocolate milk. Then you turned 40 and you said something's gonna change around here. I stopped Sounds good. You're gonna be mad about this last time I was in Sioux Falls. I ate at Perkins worst breakfast

I had that whole thing. That's not okay. It was it's It's fucking so that was a fluke. Beth you got Perkins in Ohio. Oh, yeah We have a classic story of my mom. We gave her such hell, she ordered a croissant and we were like, we're in Ohio, it's a croissant. Yeah. Mom. A croissant? A croissant.

We gave her hell. Oh, that's great. I'll take a croissant. Like a croissant and an omelet. Mom just trying to style one out on everybody? Come on. They know. It is fun to style one out on everybody? Come on. I know. It is fun to think about the thought process

that led to that moment for her. I know, and to think that her own daughters made fun of her. But we were a Perkins regulars, especially after Sunday church. Oh yeah, a Perkins was shit. Which we had to go to for a while as kids, but my mom will love Perkins. You get so much bang for your bucket of Perkins.

You get like, side of toast, side of sausage, and omelette, some hash browns. I felt like it was overpriced. It tasted like nothing. Did I do something to you? Yeah, look, maybe it's lost its... It tasted like eating... It lost the fastball.

Yeah, it tasted like he was eating a paper-shaped skillet. It was, the shit sucked. Oh no, I kind of know what you're talking about. I haven't been to Perkins, but I, I kind of know what you're talking about. You know what I mean? I haven't been to Bergen's, but I know that kind of breakfast where you're like, what? None of the things on this plate have any flavor.

Yeah. What a fucking disappointment too, because when you're like there, you're at a diner and you start getting excited for that fucking. That's exactly what happened. And it was all cold and shit. And I was like. Kind of a Sherry style. No. Am I not understanding that?

Is that right? Oh, I love Sherrys. I love Sherrys. It's a Sherrys type. It's a Sherrys type. I don't know Sherrys, you know. Oh, if you're ever in the Pacific Northwest, specifically Oregon. Think about Perkins, but good. And that's a Sherrys. The jewel

of the Pacific Northwest. Go to Sherrys, get yourself a chicken fried steak and a piece of pie. Hot coffee. Put it on the vision board. Chocolate milk, and I'm gonna get to my fourth pick, but Hot coffee. That's awesome. Put it on the vision board. Chocolate milk, and I'm gonna get to my fourth pick, but we're gonna take a real quick break first, and then we're gonna rampage through the rest of this draft.

We'll be right back. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm gonna hit you, we're gonna talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age.

That's neither here nor there. Policygenius essentially just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policygenius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance and it had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it is, it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like

researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously you want to be a little bit more careful about that, but how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to like all the nation's top insurers and then they give you your best options.

They're just a few clicks and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. You know, and they're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people

with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt, and then they see what I spent money on, probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered, get an insurance policy, get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team.

They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, TrustPilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their service, so get on it. Don't wait, don't hesitate, don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy Genius.

Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with with this week, we want to touch a little bit on, you know, like self-care, self-care routines. Some stuff that's non-negotiable. You know, you, some stuff like you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip, uh, you know, like day, uh, myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter.

You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that. Like those things that I want that self care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous and like, I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. Uh, I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive a lot, I know that sounds ridiculous and I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I gotta drive to the park, I gotta get warmed up,

which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy and it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation.

You just, you need to set time, get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself. You just have to prioritize it. It happens.

You can talk to someone, get a new set of gears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get better help a try. Give it a shot. It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things

that are extremely important. It's all online. It's convenient, flexible. They suit to your schedule. Go on and fill out a brief questionnaire, you get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for zero additional charge.

They got your back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash all fantasy. Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything already in progress. I just picked chocolate milk, everyone went crazy.

Pretty clear I've won the draft. It's a good pick, man. It's not my fourth pick. And I'm going sweet, back to back. Okay. Taking a milkshake. Whoa. What the hell? That's actually, that's close to the line.

You're going crazy. You put a straw in that thing. I know,, that's close to the line. You're going crazy. You put a straw in that thing. I know, but that's close to the line. It's a beverage to me. It's a beverage to me. I mean, Laura and I, we got, this probably took up 20 minutes of our night last night,

was this and a couple other things that'll come up in a minute. But yeah, I definitely think it counts. A milkshake to me is a beverage. You can't eat it with a spoon. I don't like that though. I like to use the straw to I like to use the straw I like to use the straw to I like to I like to get that to get that suck on

Poor upset listeners are already writing in goes anything my suck on with a milky. Don't unsheathe the microphone for that. You did the, you did the, damn. You raw dog, Beth, that's crazy. I raw dog my suck job. I get my freak on and my suck on. Anybody wanna match my suck?

Ain't nobody match my suck. Hey, where's the suck zone at this mall shop? I wanna do it in public. Welcome to the suck zone. I like a vanilla milkshake best of all, too. I love a vanilla fucking milkshake with a sidecar. I was going to say cream. What's a sidecar? Oh, the rest of it.

The rest of it? Yeah. I like it when they go crazy. Last time I had a milkshake though, it was pretty bad. Too many boys in the Orkans? I was with you. Were you at Perkins? No, I was with you when we were in Wisconsin, remember? Oh, that's right! And I was out walking it. Oh, the milkshake was good. You went bad. Oh, you had to shit so bad, that's right. Yeah, Sean, that's the story.

We've talked about it, they all know. Yeah, we were doing a when in Rome situation. We had ourselves some cheese curds, you got a milkshake. We were having a great day. And then it ended up bad. We got that cheese bread from the farmer's market that you get when you walk around. We did get that cheese bread from the farmers market that you get when you walk around.

We did get that cheese bread. We were walking around. That was a fun trip though. We rode bikes, but yeah, that milkshake. It was graduation weekend at UW. What do you think, E. coli or what? That wasn't that long ago. I don't eat that much dairy in general really,

so I think it was just a shock to the system. As a fellow man genetically predisposed to not having dairy, I think that might have something to do with blacks and Jews, yeah. We don't tolerate lactose. Absolutely not, not in our communities. Not in my backyard. No, sorry, you're married.

You're married to the rabbi, son. I'm a nimby when it comes to fucking milk. Dairy Nimby. The milkshake. I drafted it. AAA pitcher. It's Dairy Nimby, dude. Yeah, he almost made it. He had a cup of coffee. They had a little hot sauce in it and the big legs.

Sorry, Beth. Milkshake's off the board. Fucked up. David, it's time for your fourth pick. Man, the further this list goes down, the weirder this grouping of things I have on here is. But it's so sweet that you can't have it a lot. It's better as mixed with stuff.

But even as a kid, man, I'm a big pineapple juice fan. Oh, yeah. I love pineapple juice. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's crazy. We would get it sometimes as a kid, and remember it would be in a can? Yeah.

Yeah. So you would open part of the can. It's sometimes it would be like a little tab that was basically just a flimsy, oily plastic. No other juice. I wonder if that's- Oh, OJ, OJ in a can you can get, because I used to love that too. Yeah, and you can get that like, yeah, that's true.

Is it because it's so acidic? Is that what that is? I bet it is. No, because it's sweet though, I thought. Pineapple is sweet. OJ has the acid. And I'm not saying pineapple doesn't have acid, but pineapple is nature's sugar. Yeah. And same with dates, of course.

Have you ever had one of those like, first growth pineapples, like in Hawaii, Pineapple is nature's sugar. Yeah. And same with dates, of course, but. Have you ever had one of those like first growth pineapples like in Hawaii where they're like the- Yes, I meant to say nature's candy. The more the plant produces, I think the more the plant produces, the less sweet it gets over time. So if you get like the first one off the plant,

it's fucking like- Really? It really is like candy. Yum, yum. It's so good. I had a white pineapple in Hawaii. That was crazy Wow It was really Jonah Ray situation Also really good care of care oranges shut it to Zack. Thanks for giving me all that produce when we're in Hawaii What a match. Yes, sweet Yeah pineapple juice man. I love it if I'm, like, I haven't been drinking for a while, but I'm gonna do a mocktail every now and again.

And I see pineapple juice ordered. Ordered every time. We did our, when I learned to scuba dive, I was like a teenager, we did our open water dives. We did a family trip to Hawaii. And, you know, you go scuba, so you're in the water, you're in the salt water, you wake up like early to get out there while the seas are still calm. And no matter how experienced you go, Scooby, so you're in the water, you're in the salt water, you wake up early to get out there while the seas are still calm.

And no matter how experienced you are, but especially when you're a newbie, you get a lot of salt water in your mouth and all that stuff. So we dove for like an hour or two and got out. And I remember getting out of the water, just feeling super dehydrated, you're in salt, your mouth is all salty.

And the captain of the boat was cracking open one of those like big cans of pineapple juice. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Just like popped it open and then passed it around and like drank that. It washed the salt out of my mouth, but also it was kind of like a salt and pineapple,

like mixed, it was one of the like moments of flavor for my life that I will remember forever. It was so fucking good. So I shot her to Leah. Yeah. I can for it. Well, then you first. Yeah.

Anyways, pineapple juice. Fourth pick. Okay. My last pick, I had something in mind, but I'm actually gonna just pivot here. And it's gonna sound like I'm promoting my friend's stuff and it is, but I actually love it. You get two more picks, by the way.

Fourth and fifth. You get two more picks. Yep. Well then, okay. We'll literally just say the last ones. Yep. I'm saying, so my friend Jen does those Kin drinks. It's like K-I-N. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I use the blue one for sleepy time calm, but then there's this watermelon color, so it's like pink and green. I'm being vague because I can't remember what it's called. But I use that one for like writing. Yeah, kin euphoric. Kin bloom. So I use the bloom one like if I wanna write

and be creative and then whatever the blue one is, is for nighttime calm down. The light wave. And they're delicious. The light wave, yeah. Right after that coffee, after dinner, calm down. Look at these. Anyway, they're little cans and they're so yummy

and I love them. Hell yeah, shout out to them, get them. Where are they? She got them to Target, women owned. Oh shit, it's a wrap. She's in Target. Damn, that's sick. Hell yeah.

Anyway, I love them. I have them in my fridge right now if we need to see them. I'm gonna pick one up today. That's great. I love them. Sean, your fourth pick and then your final pick. Fourth pick, I'm gonna go Red Bull, since Mountain Dew's off. I love a Red Bull. I love the way they taste, I love the way they smell.

They really, really, they're good. I hate all the energy and drink, all of the other ones. I love a Red Bull. They taste like pennies. I like them, I like a Red Bull. Oh, I love them so much, man. I might have one today, fuck the world. So, Red Bull, and then, you know, In the Sake of Time.

Can I, so this is what, can I do this? Can I, I can drink this, can I do this? I can drink this, and I do. Tomato soup. You said you don't like V8, and you're trying to draft tomato soup? Oh, I forgot, I forgot that got tooken. I'm actually gonna let that pass. If we're letting milkshake pass,

then tomato soup can pass. Because sometimes they serve it to you in a cup, they serve it to you in a cup to drink while you're having a grilled cheese. That's like at a wedding though. I've had it at a thermos before too. Same, that's why I'm actually fine with it, oddly. I just kinda think it steps on V8.

It does a little bit, I forgot about V8. I did forget about that. We don't have to, I'll take apple cider, how about that? Apple cider. You're a cider boy. I do like cider. Yeah, you love cider. Big cider guy. The sugar, I need to get that in check,. All right, you're a cider boy. I do like cider. Yeah, you love cider. Big cider guy.

The sugar, I need to get that in check, but apple cider, last pick. Beth Stelling, your final pick. My final pick, I used to think it tastes like literal watery trash. And now I've come to see the light of coconut water. Oh, yeah. It is good. Oh, I really, I always liked it.

Always liked it. I never, I didn't, I was like, this is trash. This is, this is siphoned through trash water. I understand that dull flavor, but I've liked it. Yeah. And of course there's so many varieties now that some are a little sweeter than others. They have the pink version of Harmless Harvest

and all these versions. Vita, Coco. Fucking banana water the other day? Also good. My dad is a big weird beverage guy. I'm upset. Banana water. I'm gonna send you some banana water.

Okay. Yeah, what can AFE t-shirt and some banana water? Okay. David Borey, your final pick. Fuck everybody, I'm taking grapefruit juice. Holy shit. You love grapefruit juice. I love it.

You know I love it. You know I love that shit. I love it. I love it in the morning. I like it in the morning. I was thinking about Squirt and then I was like, no, be for real. I love grapefruit juice. Yeah, you do love grapefruit juice.

Yeah yeah you guys have seen it I get it in the morning all the time. I've seen you do it. That's a fucking that's an eye that's an eye opener right there man a glass of grapefruit juice. It's weird to me that I'm like coffee or uh uh uh but fucking grapefruit juice every time. Grapefruit hits you in parts of your mouth you didn't even know you had. I like grapefruits I'll eat a grape. Oh, I love a grapefruit big grapefruit fan But uh, yeah, great. Everybody knows that about me. I love it and I don't care who knows Alright, grapefruit juice goes down my final pick Beth mentioned it earlier. I got a shout out to the soda on my youth Diet Coke

Still honestly, honestly that can win it all Love Diet Coke. Still love it. Honestly, that could win it all. Fuck, it really could. That's how powerful it is. And it has people who ride for it. The people who ride for Diet Coke ride for Diet Coke.

You're basically picking Taylor Swift. It's like, OK. Exactly right. Exactly right. Cheating a bit, but it's right there. I enjoy her. I got water. I got Diet Coke.

That's the only liquid I drank as a child. And water's lucky to be considered. Kind of just, yeah, I only picked one for myself, but that's kind of what it's like to be a woman. I think I take care of others. What? You can get gendered like that. You were free to draft whatever you want. Beth has read us for filth.

An exposed male privilege. You're on all fantasy, everything. Beth has to go get a haircut. I have to go get a haircut. It's clearly, it's bad. It looks wonderful now. It will look wonderful soon. Isaac has put a Dropbox link in the chat.

If you want to click on it while I wrap up this podcast, you feel free to bomb out. That's where I'm gonna put mine, right? Correct. That's where you drop that file. To recap, Sean and Beth, you can leave to bomb out. That's where I'm gonna put mine, right? Correct. That's where you drop that file. To recap, Sean and Beth, you can leave whenever you need. I love you guys, I'm going to run and get my hair cut. You're amazing. We love you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you, you rule. Thank you so much for having me. Love you guys. Love you. Sean, you went first, you took ice coffee, eggnog, Gatorade, Red Bull, and apple cider. Beth went second, she took LaCroix, V8. Mountain Dew, Kinephorics, and coconut water. I went third, I took Arnold, or no, David went third.

He took the Arnold Palmer, the Italian soda, ginger beer, pineapple juice, and grapefruit juice. Mix them all together. I was just gonna say that. I think you have the only list that could safely them all together. I was just gonna say that I think you have the only Yeah, the least stomach achey version is David's You might be able to get mine all mixed together to Jewish deli. I took water hot coffee chocolate milk milkshake and diet coke

basically a millennial egg cream Isaac what is your pick? Oh, I wasn't really thinking of one, but, uh, barley tea. Have you guys ever had barley tea? Oh yeah. It's refreshing Korean beverage. Love a cool barley tea in the summer. We got to find that. What's that liquid I texted you about the other day? Misugaru.

Yeah. Misugaru is really good. I have a bunch at home. That's exactly how I was going to say it. So yeah. Tastes like cereal milk I heard. Kind kind of it's yeah, it's very like grainy. It's literally grain Mixed up or like ground up. It's so good. It's really really good. It's sweet Can you say it white so some of our listeners can figure out what we're talking about? What's it called again? Me soot got us. Oh me me sue. M is you

Garu me sue Garu about what's it called again? Misugaru, so M-I-S-U-G-U-R-U. Misugaru, thank you. Misugaru. It's really tough to say it like that. I appreciate you. I appreciate it. It hurts me to say it like that. I want you to walk over to Ian's house and slap him. I'd touch the man hat and eat part of your own brick.

I know, I know, I gotta get it back into that. It's really hard to say it. Yeah, man. Misugaru. Misugaru. That's the Manhattan Beach part of your upbringing. I know, I know, I gotta get it back into that. It's really starting to say it. Yeah, man. Mizugaro. Mizugaro. Fantastic, excellent picks all around. We wanna hear yours.

Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast, and gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFV Patreon, where you can get our live episodes from Tua, auction drafts, mail bags, pre-rolls. We have some fun pre-roll stuff from this episode, which maybe it'll work its way on that. I'm writing them all down.

All sorts of stuff there on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon, including exclusive Trillblazer merch for our highest tier and Isaac's Tasteful Nudes, still available. New photo shoot every month. They're getting racier because we gotta keep everyone. We gotta keep the hooks in you, but. That's right, yeah.

They're tasteful for now. Well, taste is subjective, you know? Shout out to everyone, the AFV, just like any, the AFV subreddit. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the ones and twos. Shout out to Saint Sue Carmel, shout out to Frankie Ocean, shout out to Sid the Dude, shout out to Hodgie Beats, and more important than all of that,

tune in again next week to another brand new episode, our 400th episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.