All Fantasy Everything - Old People Sayings (w/ Will Miles)

Episode Date: April 23, 2026

All of our picks are hypothetical, of course, because we are all cool young Gen Z kids.Guest:Will Miles (@mrwillmiles)Shop for exclusive AFE merch, old and new!https://trillblazin.netSupport the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum podcast. Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is the Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast. on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast, the Fantasy Drafts, anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting Old Man phrases.

Our guest today. Is it just man? Old people. Old people. My apologies. Old people. Yes. Phrases.

Our guest today, stand-up comedian, writer. I'm going to say it, All Fantasy Everything Hall of Famer. Oh, nice. Oh, shit. It's the second one I've handed out in this, in this iterate. Buddy, that ain't tough. For Buddy, that ain't tough. That is canon.

For buddy, that ain't tough alone. That was fun. That was fun. That's canon. Will Miles is here. Hey, how's everyone doing? You should know that. That's the most I get recognized now.

For buddy that ain't tough? For buddy that ain't tough? I really think, like, every time I'm out, like, I was out with somebody, I think in, like, Boston, with my wife's friends. Yeah. And they were like, oh, we're with Will. and they texted her like tell him buddy that ain't tough and I was like what? That's hilarious. That's so sick.

Hell yeah. Yeah. I was like, oh shit, all right. I'm your host, Ian Carmel with me as always are my friends and comedians. Sean Jordan and David Borey.

A couple of tough guys themselves. I was a little, I'm a little nervous about this one. I don't know if I did well. I'm interested. I don't think I did great. I mean, really.

Is it because I'm having a fig bar, which is an old person maneuver? I had a fig bar earlier. It's great. Those are delicious. Max has those for days. I don't care. I'm having one on air, dude.

Old guy. Have you guys ever had a fig for real? Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it at all. Just like bust down a fig? It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot.

Really? I don't even know what... Have you not had a fig? No, that's why I don't even know what it looks like. It's just the inside of the fig Newton. Ooh. But hard. That's the part I don't really.

Exactly. The outside of the fig Newton is the shake. I like it. I liked it. Do you remember when they were doing other Newton? Yes, absolutely. Like strawberry blueberry new? Yeah.

I like those better than the fig Newton's. Juice Newton? That's a band. I was like, how do you keep the juice in? Huey Newton? Huey Newton. They put him inside of some cake. They got fig flavor to bees, and I don't like those.

Huey Newton is... Oh, Huey P. Newton. Yeah, that's way different. Yeah, that is... That's the one with peanut butter. Yeah, I was there. You were both thinking of you. You were both thinking of Huey Lewis.

Well, Hughie Newton is not peanut butter. Hugh Newton's a Black Panther. No, the pee is... No, the peas is for peanut butter. Oh, okay. I got too deep. We're all over the deep in the joke.

We did this bit before. We were like two Falcons that grabbed. This bit's happened before. We've done Huey Peanut Butter Newton. Basically. There's a clip about it.

We did a Huey P. Newton bit when we were talking about Big Newton. Was it the four of us? I think so. That's crazy. There's a bit, it's on, I am, yes, I am drunk. That has nothing to do with anything.

Are you? No, I'm not. I'm not. It's the clip that will come out about this, dude. You're like, you exist on an infinite timeline. I'm not even on the show.

No. You're not even alive. You died in 1881. Damn. Why am I flying home tonight? Because you exist, though. What is home, man? Yeah.

It's a mindset. John Jordan died on the Oregon Trail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like six cents. Dissentary. Right outside the Independence, Missouri. I was dissentary. I was dissing Steve.

Everybody on the trail was doing. You were disinformation? That's the worst way to die. Yeah. It has to be. Pooping yourself to death? Oh, you know what? I didn't know what it was.

It's deadly diarrhea You're still right though Right, exactly Up until I want to say like World War I Diarrhea was the leading cause of death On earth

Understood On earth Like people just routinely shit themselves to death All the time And now Every day We're lucky

We're lucky if we lose one person A day with diarrhea Yeah exactly if that Now it's like an excuse to get out of stuff And it used to just be like Oh I'm gonna die Yeah Can't stop boobic.

That's why they call it that. Yeah. Diarrhea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. And now we call liveria. For some reason, that sounds so much grosser. Liveria?

Yeah, I don't want it. My liver has got diarrhea. Oh, God. Liver-based diarrhea. You must be not alive. Oh, harsh. Well, hey. Did you feel good about, so last episode you wore the poets

Blue? It was kind of a Michigan Wolverine color scheme. You were nervous about it. I didn't want to ask you while you were wearing it, because I thought it looked great. I think we all thought it looked good. Was he wearing it when you walked in well? He was.

I saw it. Yeah, it looked good. How do you feel about its performance? I feel well, I didn't realize it was Wolverine's colors as I'm married to a Spartan. You are indeed married to a Spartan. Those are hardcore Michigan Wolverine colors.

They are. That looks like it could be a Michigan Wolverine's case. Oh, man. There's no poets that actually, like some term is a poet who went to Michigan University. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Excellent.

I get it. No. Give it to me. No way. I'll wear it. Give it to me. No way. I'm gonna wear it.

I wear X-L. Give it to me. I'm back into the baggy clothes too. Nice. I'm digging. Let's go back to the 90s. That's what I say. When they came back, I was like, I never wanted to go anywhere.

Me either, yeah. I'm dressed pretty 90s right now. I think this is 90s. This is like maybe a little whiter 90s. I got to tell you, the last time I saw you, you were wearing these boat shoes. Yeah, yeah. And I have since, like, I saw you in those boat shoes, and I have since heard several people. After I saw you wearing them be like boat shoes are back.

Really? All right. But I saw you wear them first. Somebody's about to bust your movie. I love a sockless shoe, dog. Right, right? Oh my God. I chose to wear socks with this.

That's a choice. Those are vans. These are new, yeah. Oh. I've had three conversations about how boat shoes are back since I saw you in them. Boat Shoes are, I mean, like, we live in Cali, too. Yeah. Like, Vans' boat shoes is the epitome of what Callie is.

It is kind of like a... So would you not do like a sperry top sider? Oh, I have sparries. Okay. I love. And Timberland has a three, three, uh, three eyed lug. Yo, I just pulled it up. Are you serious?

Is this what you're talking about? Yes, I am. Yes. Absolutely. I have the green and the, uh, and the, uh, what is it? Like construction, whatever. I might, I've been thinking about getting new shoes. Just talking about not spending money here.

I know, yeah, yeah. Looks like we're about to spend the money. Pull the trigger, bro. Yeah, but that's too many words that you get me in on. Timberland three eyed lug. That's exactly. I'm going to spend that money. Exactly.

Exactly. Exactly. I have two Timberland questions. First is, Sean, have you ever worn a pair of Timberland? Never had any. One of my big regrets. It does seem like that would have been a move you busted. We didn't, I just couldn't get them.

I had Carl Canaan's shoes, but I never had Timberlands. Follow-up question. Was that originally conceived as like a black shoe? No, I think black people took it. I think it's like similar in the vein. Timberlin? It's like a work boot, right? At first I thought you were talking about the Carl Connice shoe and I'm like, absolutely a black shoe.

That is a black shoe. That's a black shoe. was okay. Everything I had. The current Carl can I shirt I have. Same thing. Is it like a Ralph Lauren's situation where it was like, oh, this is cool? Yeah.

We're going to start wearing this. Yeah, pretty much. Actually, we think this looks cool, and then it became cool. Through cool people. I know it through New York rep. Yeah. They were always wearing. Workwear was just big at the time anyways.

Yeah, yeah. And work wear's back. Can I ask you guys a weird question? Yeah, absolutely. Burgundy or, what's this other one? Brown. There's brown. Right, burgundy.

I was going to go burgundy initially, too. Is it leather? Is it leather body? Yeah. It's like an ox blood. You pass it over. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Burgundy.

I'm going to go burgundy all day, yeah. That's the burghans. Also, I don't want the same color you have. Yeah, I've got green. Because we have, we also have another pair of shoes. Yeah. And we've worn those at the same time. Yeah, we're wearing at the same time.

Yeah. You know, they're both, they're both pretty tough, but I'm going to say burgundy. I think I could do more with burgundy. Yeah. I don't even need to look. Burgundy. Burgundy. I'm going to look at the other colors for fun.

Because I'm doing this at work. I'm buying this on the business. That's right. Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah. Let's talk about more shoes. What's the other shoes?

Yeah. I'm talking about chain. Yeah, right? I need a bracelet and I got a lease of cars. It's a sportage. It is a sportage. Also, do I go size up or size down? I think I go size down.

I think it's sized down for the timberlands. I've never owned a Timberland. I believe it's. Half size down, maybe. Whoa, should I get wide? I think I should get wide. I always go wide. Skate shoes.

That's how I know all those skaters. That's why I like Bouchonets the best because they're wide. Yeah. Stephen. Those Nike ones are narrow. I don't like, a lot of the old Adidas were narrow to the Sambas and stuff. Those were narrow and I hated them. And then Bouchonets, they're like wrestling shoes.

Big flat and like a big toe part. Yeah. I have 20 pairs. The dunks were the most wide Nikes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Every kid at dunks if you look like you. I like a thin soul because I don't want to I don't want to feel taller. So like at the dunks they have, there's too much soul on them and I feel up there too much. They're like hard to skate in. Yeah, this is even about skating. This is about chilling.

Oh, yeah. I just want a little soul on the bush. That's they're good for chilling. You don't want more height? I guess it's not a thing you lack. Yeah, it's not something that's on my mind. Or no. And skating, I always want less. I wanted to be shorter my whole life. I'd be able to feel like your feet are on the board. The Jordan 4 is the most heartbreaking wit.

of all shoes. Yeah, because it's the best shoe. It's the best shoe. It's clearly the best shoe. It always. Buddy, that is stuff. No, that is. It ain't tough.

It ain't tough. It ain't tough. It ain't tough. It is. Because you're always like, what if I just cut off my pinky toe? I know. What if I just did that?

And then I could wear Jordan Ford's anytime I wanted. Also, Jordan Ford's like the beginning of the night. You feel so good. You always regret it. Every time. They hurt. They hurt or what? They hurt.

It's like putting your foot in the shoe box. Yeah. How does that? How does that get past the goalie? How do they make, though? I think they were Michael Jordan. No, they didn't, though, right? Well, because Jordan on the, you know, this document.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the last dance. Last dance, yeah, yeah. I liked that that guy. I know, right? Who was not Michael Jordan. He's the breakout.

He's the breakout security guard, yeah. You know, it's like, he's a cool guy. I like that guy, a lot. But he even says, because he's playing, like, one of his last games, the first retirement, I think. And he puts on Jordan ones, and he's like, I'm bleeding. These are horrible basketball shoes. And like kind of all of his basketball shoes up until the ones that started did not look great

are horrible for like playing basketball. That makes sense. Yeah. So what are we talking like 12s, 13s is one? Like the 11th probably that were the patent leather. The leather, the one that had like the little patch right here. Yeah.

Yeah, that's when it started. Yeah, I think that's when it started to be good. Yeah, that makes sense. Because those are kind of comfy, but they don't look so much for us. Right, yeah, yeah. Remember the ones that were in the briefcase? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

He wore the ones again at MSG, right? He, like, threw him back on, yeah. And his feet were bleeding, and he had to take him off immediately. I played a game. He didn't hate the ones? Yeah, he needed the color way. I think he didn't have much say in that. But he wanted him to be Carolina blue.

Right, yeah. Because then when they made them, they didn't have white on them, and that's why they banned him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I played a rec league basketball game in 10th or 11th grade in Chuck's. I weighed 350 pounds. Yeah. Yeah.

It was like a football team, record league basketball team. We were good, but I played a game just because I thought it would be funny, and I couldn't walk right for three days. I was 17. Chuck's are ass. Ass.

Chuck's, it's barely shoes. It's canvas around your ankle. There's no ankle support. It's a rag around your ankle. I've never rocked a chuck. I can't also like, they look like clown shoes.

It's not a fat guy shoe. It's not. I've always wanted to. Your ankle just like blends into it. Maddie Math is in his tribe. God bless him. Even on him. Yeah, he's trying to rock it.

Some fat guys got thin ankles. Shane Torres. Yes. Not necessarily a fat guy, but he's got like thin. I mean, he's a fact. He'd say it. I think he's fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I think he's fat. No, I think he's saying. I don't know if he'd say it, but I think. Let's right who we think is fat. Top five fat guys. We're drafted fat guys. I mean, I did think I would love to draft fat guys.

No, we drafted hot guys. I don't think we have drafted We were talking about drafting fat guys I think it's probably inappropriate Is it? I don't know I'm not drafted any guys who wouldn't call themselves fat guys

Me either, that's true We're not breaking any news We're not breaking news Yeah, there's no cusp Yeah, exactly If you have- Sean, you can't do it That's true, you're the only one out

You're the only one out Yeah, shut up tubby What is it, seventh grade though? You're not, I hated that, I hated that, I hated that, I hated that. We're wearing the same size shirts That's Brooks That's probably the dumbest thing

I've ever said on this show ever. Shut up. I didn't mean it Isaac isolate shut up tubby and play at the top of every episode Tubby is crazy because that's 90s

coded for sure Yeah Yeah People don't even call people that anymore It's like a What is it even mean? Like a tub

Like a tub Yeah Tubbogoo It's almost Onamana pit poetic Yeah Yeah

It feels right Yeah Even though it doesn't make A bit of Much sense Yeah I haven't Tubby in forever

Let me say Lunchbox too I never heard Lunchbox sounds cooler than Tubby You've been such a wonderful friend

for so long and I blew it Not even for a One slip And now it's over And now one slip That's all it takes I'd like you to go out the door

We have a replacement waiting If you wouldn't mind Leaving and sending falcon back in They've got a guy named Jordan Sean outside We told Alex the way The skateboarder to Sean Jordan Exactly

I'd have to I'd have to step back No I could never You wouldn't have to worry about that I know of course What an interesting thing to say I don't know why It was funny

And you never have to worry about her. It wasn't funny enough, though. No. Well, tubby's a throwback word and we're telling old people words. We are. That's right. There's a lot. Shut up,

Tubby. Old people are good at calling you fat. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one of their better skills. With a look even. Yeah. I was in Omaha, my aunt.

It came to the show. And I haven't seen her in a long time. First thing, I walk up and like, hey, what's up? And she like, she like, chip dips my tummy. She's like, whoa, you do have a kid. And I'm like, what? why is that the first thing you got to say? Yeah.

You know? Yeah. Because she's, because it's funny. Intiminated by your success. Yeah, that's it. And it's funny.

It was funny. It was funny. Is that a Midwest thing letting people know they're getting fat? I think letting people know. But everyone's fat in the Midwest. How could you fuck? Yeah. They're like one of us.

Whatever negative things going on, they'll put a light on real quick. That is true. Yeah. That's true. I have fun that. I do like that the Midwest sits thicker than the West Coast. Like, whenever I walked around, whenever I walk around Chicago, I'm like, yeah, this is a pace. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is the pace I can keep. Well, you know those Madison, those Madison weekends. Come on, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is, that is indulgence. Well, well, well, well, look at you. It's 98 degrees that everyone's got a sweatsuit on you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I seem to have found my people. Yeah. I'll take all the types of cheese in that curve. Yeah, I'm the hottest, funniest person ever. It's like I just left State and I'm fucking the best comic I've ever been. You know what's funny? Now I'm wondering, is that why?

I like Madison or Wisconsin in general just comparatively. I'm great. Definitely think that's part of the experience. I'm no longer the baddest. Great time. I've had a fantastic time. It's the greatest. I love Madison.

Not just Madison, just Wisconsin in general. Oh, Wisconsin? Yeah. I did buy fake drugs in Milwaukee once, but besides that. How so? Dude, it sucks. I was in a taxi. Yeah.

And this guy... Interesting start. This guy gave me some weed to. smell and I gave it back and he gave me the price and I was going to meet some other comics I was like oh yeah I'll grab some weed Yeah like grabbing a bottle of wine on the way

Yeah so I gave him some money He gave it to me as I was getting out And then I get to the bathroom to look at it And it's like paper towels wrapped up in a bag You've been run amok And that's like it wasn't even a regano or anything It was just paper towel And I've been buying weed since I'm a kid

I love that Like that's the only time that's ever happened to me Was fucking Milwaukee Well you had that cheese curd in you You weren't fingers, right? No, I was, this is a different trip. Oh, okay. That was with you.

Oh, okay. Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah, when I almost shit my pants, I was with you. Oh, because of cheese cards. Yeah, those are meant to shit your pants. Cheesecurds and a milkshake, by the way. What? I was wrong with you?

I was in Wisconsin. I thought it was the funniest guy a lot. I know, I know how it is. I could do anything. He was raised on the dairy. Yeah, yeah. And then I started, I ate it, and then I started walking around. And then I was like, oh, no.

Now I'm far as fuck from the. hotel. And it's about to happen. That's when I sort of knew, like, that's when I was like, I think you might marry this woman. Because you told her, I remember we were getting dinner after, when we got cheese curds again, by the way. We don't have to tell the bike.

I clean the pipe, so I'm good now. I might as well. It's fresh. Now I'm used to it. I'm building up a taller. I got all the non-cheekirt out of my body. That was like a flu shot. But you were telling me how, like, you were on the phone with her and you let her know. You were like, I might not make it.

Yeah. That level of vulnerability. You're like, oh, this is someone who's going to be around for a long time. And that's not what I would have told any other girl I've ever had sex with. No.

Yeah. Yeah. It's beautiful. Not in a way. It was beautiful. Now we're married. Yeah. Yeah.

That's how it works. And I didn't shit my pants. No, you didn't the second time. Oh, really? Or the first time. Oh, yeah.

Oh, good. It was close, though. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I called her because I didn't know what to do. Yeah. Because my phone was on one and I ordered an Uber, but it was fucking Madison.

Oh, yeah. So it's like, it's 17 minutes away. And you were by a lake. Yeah, and I was by a lake. And I was just like, I don't know. This is bad for me. My brain would have proposed the idea to the council. Do I walk in the lake and shit?

I know, that's exactly what I was going to. You ever, you ever shit outside? You know what? No. I've shit my pants. You've done it twice. I've shit my pants. I've never shit outside.

Yeah, same. Ship my pants twice. I would have shit outside both those times, but it wasn't possible. I was on a bus once. at a house party the other time. Wait, he kept partying. You could get off the bus, though. I couldn't.

It was in a place where there was nowhere. I was downtown Portland. I'm like, I can't shit outside. So I just shit a little bit in my pants on the bus. It's not crazy. I tell you that, I get to work, and I had already done it, and I go and I threw my boxers away. I sat down to work, and this woman, and she goes,

I smells like poop in here. And I was like, oh, no. It's going to smell like poop till I'm done. You're a better employee than I. I shit my pants. I'm damn sure not coming. No, God. No, no, I'm never leaving the house.

I should not have. You have an excuse. I shit myself. I'm sick, yeah. That's how much you don't want to. Because I shit myself. Yeah. That's how much you hang sick days for, you hang on to him for hangover days.

You're like, I'll do anything when I go into work. Do you not? Huh? Hungover? Probably. Who knows? I was younger. I didn't.

Yeah. But yeah, I was telling a lot of the other day. I was like, there was a while in my life where I was never more than 20 days on either side of diarrhea. Oh, for sure. For so many years. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 20 days?

20 days is a long time, right? I was bragging to my wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His 10 is probably more realistic. I'm now, it's been, I can't remember my last diarrhea. That's good. Yeah, it's great. It feels good.

Or did you stop eating something? I'm like, I know there's probably stuff I should stop eating. I eat a little healthier. I eat a lot of fiber now. Okay, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I metamusal. I take metamemusel.

Yeah, okay, that's smart. That's good. That's good. I'm going to have to get in there and start taking something, I think. That's what I'm thinking. My doctor has said, because I'll bring it up. I'm like, I don't really. It's not a thing, but it happens sometimes.

I'm like, can we just do a test and see if there's something I should be avoiding? Right. Right. Really, there's not a, I don't know why. He said there's not like a way to determine. I think if you visited the doctor in the mirror. Wow. I think you might come away with answers of what you shouldn't should not be.

You're telling me to do a bunch of cocaine. Exactly. Yeah. Go visit it on the mirror. I think you know what dietary activities maybe are triggering your diarrhea more than others. He's right, Isaac. That whole pizza and then the cassidia I had last night. Yeah, I mean like...

That's a lot of cheese. That whole frozen pizza and a cassidia last night. You know. I don't have it right now, though. What if that were a salad from sweet green instead? Can't get that at 11 p.m? No, that's true. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That food is not eaten prior to like 10. You're right. So, like, you know, the answer is within you. I am aware. The answer is within you. I am aware. need to do a test yet. Yeah, it's the road stuff.

It's hard to, this is poor me, shit, but it's hard to find a decent routine on the road. If you're out, like a lot, a lot, it's hard to, you know, you go to get to find a Whole Foods in Omaha by the club. It's just not possible. There wasn't, it was, it was like 50 bucks to get into the grocery store. Yeah. Wait, what? Like to get an Uber to a grocery store where the club is way, I'm just, example. Yeah, because the club's way out in the middle.

You're in that weird, you're in that weird strip mall. something like that that you can have to deliver? They also just had some like Mexican spot across the street. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Didn't help. I'm sympathetic. I know that,

I know what that lifestyle is like. Yeah. Yeah. Like, well, you know, here. Here, it's so easy.

Yeah, I got a bag of chicken. I know. I'm still complaining about it. I'm in Hollywood. Have diarrhea if you want. You know, that's none of my business.

I don't want it. I'm just telling you. If you like, if you don't want it. I were like, hell yeah, this is going to be a good time. I'm just telling you know what we should and shouldn't be doing.

I do. W.R.T. diarrhea. Some of that tough love that I need. That's right. With regards to. Four hours ago? Four hours ago?

He did. He did. David was squeezing it out. Trust me. I made sure he had. I was David 20 bucks. Squeezing in the stomach. Does this sound like Hank Hill saying diarrhea?

Hold on. Diahria. Yep. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Dihria. Daheria.

Dharia. Dahlia. Bobby? You have diarrhea? I bought a bunch of weed at middle school one time and told him I had I had diarrhea to get out of it. Wait, you brought weed to middle school? Bought it, bought it at school.

You bought it at middle school? Yep, a grip of it. And I had it in my sock and it was one of those days where everyone's like, drug dogs are coming, bro. Oh, they always say that. They always said that. They do always say that. Second period. No.

period, I'm like, I'm getting out of here. So I went down there and I'm like, I got diarrhea and she goes, just chill out and I go, it's explosive and I need to go home. They let me go. Wow. You know who it's also funny? I don't think kids put weed in their sock anymore. I know, right? They just have it out. Yeah. I feel like kids, everybody used to have weed in their sock. I thought I was awesome when I had in my sock. I was awesome when I was awesome. Well, older people told us to put in our sock because it was illegal. Yeah. And so then we just all did it. I bet you copse's first. I used to buy weed out of

of his sock. You shouldn't say his name. He's now been a family Right? He might still have it. Yeah, yeah. There's certain people where you're like, if you're still in this life, I'm sorry. If you now have a

whatever, a business job. Yeah, Isaac cut out. But not the second time. Yeah. Well, now I'm talking about upstanding member of the community. Exactly, exactly. A man who has nothing but feet in his socks.

I'm pretty sure he's a member of the Thornton Chamber of Commerce. Is he really? No, no. No, no, no. No, no. He was involved in commerce from an early age. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Allegedly.

The man who had weed in the sock is Sean Cougar Melon on Instagram. Wow. This comes out in damn near May. Yeah, I got nothing. Go to the website and sign up for the Patreon. Thank you for listening to the show. Everyone's amazing. Watch Girl Dad.

Yeah, go out there. If you haven't seen it, rewatch it. Yeah. Watch that Don't Tell set. That don't tell set. It's like 20 racks away from 100,000. Watch that don't tell set. Hell.

And then tell. Yeah, and it might be at 100,000 when this comes out. It might, dude. Or it might go down. Oh, no. Do they take this away? They do they take away if they find out of wheat of milk? If you get canceled, you get less.

That would be an interesting way if YouTube started. They're like, we'll just start taking views away if you're on the wrong side of things. They took views away from the R&R. Can you imagine? That'd be amazing. That would be awesome. There would be no popular videos. You're also assuming that our side is the side of the thing YouTube would be. That's true.

And I don't think you'd. No chance. So what I'm saying is don't let Sean's numbers dip, folks. We can't afford it. Get them in there. Get them up there. Look at those puppy dog guys if you're watching. Or hear them.

those puppy dog eyes. Make a puppy dog eye noise? Yeah. Nah, I don't know if I did it. I was like, I don't know, is that a puppy dog or? It just sounds perverted. Yeah. Angry, angry old cuckold. That's my eyes sound like, boit.

David Borders here, Cool Guy Jokes 77 on Instagram. Is that a Miami hat? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Being fan of Miami? He's a Carson Beck guy. You're fan of Miami as a whole.

Black guys can just wear hats. That's true. That's true. That's right. None of us were fans of the pirates and we all had people. Yeah. You know you only have black clothing. The man who had Carl Knais shoes, obviously.

See, Paul's didn't know what to hit him. To this day, I'm the only person I've seen with Carl Knais shoes in real life. Same. In probably the state. I was like, oh, you bought those? Like, you had lugs, I'm sure. I never did never No lugs

No uh yeah it was just carl can eyes And then I started skating Yeah Lugs were a bummer Lugs were a bummer They looked heavy Maybe we should have a lugs right And they just were not

Tim's right exactly It's like You know you're getting roasted But you still wear it You're like I got lugs I felt like the move with lugs Was to get the ones That didn't look exactly like

Tim's yep yep yep You had to get the lugs That were like their own lugs You're talking about like a sequined black Well they had like a walk Sequence I love you have like a wallaby Which was not Clarks

But yeah But that is not the issue Yeah Once again not Clarks Yeah It's like damn it I fuck around and get some Clarks this spring The kids are wearing

I rock Clarks all the time I'm about to go nuts They might get a wallaby Loaf for wallabies by the way Slip on wallabies Look it up slip on loafer wallabies I got these French shoes That like kind of look like a wallaby

But it's like a black leather Okay Like a heart like a like this kind of leather. Not pat, not shiny, but like really nice. Matt, yeah. But they're apparently like shoes model after what

French postal workers wore. That sounds amazing. And then they kind of like churched up a little bit. They're really nice. I kind of forgot that France had mail. Yeah, France has mail. I did too. I've never gotten any mail from France or sent any.

So I never think about it. Get some of these shoes. It starts rolling in. All right. David, do you have anything to promote? Oh, watch my don't. Hell? It's probably out by now. Watch me on Comics Unleashed. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you do it? Julie just did it last week. How'd it go for? Or not last. It was just on last night. We'll talk about it. Yeah, yeah. It was great, though. I have some stuff to say. Yeah, of course.

Will Miles is here. Will, this comes out. April 23rd. April 23rd. Oh, come to the Monday show at Senior Fish, if you're in L.A. We're in the Netflix Fest now. Hell yeah. On like May 4th or something. Nice. I'm in the Netflix Fest too.

Yeah, hell yeah. Wait. Well, we did it for him. I thought we were over. Yeah, yeah. What are we doing for David? Fuck David? It did hurt.

Yeah, I know, I know. I felt bad, too. I was processing it, but then I was like, wait, I didn't say, hey. I did it. I think I'm doing a show on it, too. Right. Hey. You think?

What show are you doing? I haven't confirmed it yet. Harris was talking to me about it. Very nice. Yeah. Well, well. Yeah, well, Harris is who I talk about, yeah, obviously. No, I have, I have not inquired into it.

Hey! By the time this comes out, he'll be in it. I have not, I have not asked, nor am I really an active stand-up comedian. That's where I'm at with it, too. Yeah. The show I'm on, I should say, is in. Yeah. I've done, it's been the longest amount of time that I've done stand-up comedy in your life.

I know but it's been about like 11 12 days now and that's about as long long time since you've done stand up yeah how's that feel fucked I'm it's like it's like anxiety now like I'm doing Alex new new material show tonight yeah and I feel like I'm like I don't even know what I'm gonna do and I have only written like two jokes since I recorded my don't 12 so I'm like I think that's gonna be a good feeling because you're so good yeah you're great yeah so they ang so the uh adrenaline's gonna be good. Because you're really funny and you're a really good stand-up.

I saw you do it for like 45 minutes at helium after Birth of a Nation came out. Do you remember that? Where you came out and you're like Wild. Wild. 1939. After the original

Air Force of Manation came out. That's crazy. Yeah. You should have not been in Portland. Where the Venation came out. Exactly. I don't know what. You thought it was so funny.

All those Pax-Peng gentlemen in the crowd. Oh, man, I did forget about that. I didn't have any material at point either. I don't do material anymore also. I just kind of get up and scream and say wild shit. There we go. Your show is fun. It's fun, right?

It's a blast. And it's like mostly these oxygenal kids. And, you know, you start to realize you're old. And you're like, I don't have to try to, like, appeal to them anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because a lot of times people will come in and try to appeal to them. I'm like, they just want to know how crazy you are. They can smell it out.

If you try to be fake about it, they can smell it all over. They smell it all the time. Your 20s doing stand-up is the time that you want the audience to like you the most. And then I feel like as you get older, it's like you care less and less. You can't care. I'm not changing. Exactly. So I'm going to be this tomorrow.

There's a power in that though. There is. I fucking ripped up last night. I did Jonah Ray's show. Oh, at the scribble. Yeah. It was so much fun. Just like doing, I did that mermaid riff.

See? I turned it into this longer thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did on the podcast together. I turned into like a longer thing about it. It felt fucking great. That's good because do you ever try to do something you said on a podcast that doesn't work at all?

And sometimes it bombs miserably. Who? That is, and then you're like, and then you just feel like an asshole because you're like, I just fucking soon. It retroactively ruins the standout. Yeah. Absolutely. Shown loved it.

Who the fuck are you got? Or like dead, like, writer's room stuff that didn't go. and you're like, maybe I'll try it as a stand-up thing. And then it's like, it's the worst. You need context. There's no characters in my stand-up. Imagine an uncle who still thinks he's 20. It's like, why did I try that?

So that's why I just don't do anything now. Well, you know what? At Bridgetown, I did that setless show. This is 2014, obviously. Twelve years ago. 12 years ago, sure. I'll tell you what. I bet you that was the night we smoked weed together.

We did. 100% it is. And I might have been on mushrooms. But like I remember thinking going up there with no net was so much fun, but I was too scared to like make that my whole thing. But since last year, that's my whole thing. And it's like, yeah, this is great. I did it for a summer once.

Yeah. Where I just all summer, I didn't really write any material. I just, it did start out as a lot of yelling at people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got better at it. That's kind of where I'm at now where it's like I was yelling crazy shit. Now I'm just calmly saying crazy shit. Yeah.

And then you like start learning how to like, incorporate your day and like because like I feel like we're talking about comedy. It's all right. I was just to say I feel like when you first start is a writer. You just want to write like really interesting cool premises. Yeah. But then you're not relating your life at all. Yep.

You're just like what's the most interesting way I can think about this thing. Yeah. And then you get to a point though where you're like, yeah, but they did say that to me on the bus. That's funny. That's what I want. Yeah. That's what I need.

I would like this to all be. Yeah. And then if you can weave that into the influence. same premise. Yeah. Well, that's when... That's when... Then you'll see me

it killed Tony. Oh, no. That's when you'll see my name. Oh, no. No. That was a real... That was a real shame. Oh, no.

I have to go. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose him. We lost another. No, I'm not going over. No. It's too late. I would have gone over there.

I was going to say that. Can you imagine doing it now and being like, I don't even like you guys? Yeah. Why would I care what you just think about me? Yeah. Yeah, and they don't respect. They know why you're coming over here now.

Yeah, for sure, right. You need the money. I am flat broke if I ever do that show. That is a telltale selling in St. Louis. Exactly. I just feel, though, if I was flat broke, I would just go back to, I can get it out the mud doing shit road dudes. That's true. Yeah, yeah.

Like, and I have a driver's license now. Like, I can get money doing that with no way to drive. When you saw the Comedy Central sort of collapsing, you were like, I better get this driver's life. Yeah, it's true. Did that happen to line up yet? I'm not going to joke with you, yeah. Yeah, yeah, not yet, not until it's fully dead.

No, no, no, no, I now have a driver's permit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend, I was telling my buddy the other day and he was like, so how many hours do you have to get, and it really hurt my feelings? Because there's no hours? Yeah, because I'm a man. Yeah. We all assume that's how you get licenses.

I told him and he was like, so you just got to drive with Alana? And I was like, listen, bro. Hey, hey, hey, hey. You have to sign her? Don't talk to me. Like, I get to drive with Alana. The hour is saying is it who vouchers for you? Yeah.

My wife. My wife. She's like, yeah, you got 500. Yeah, yeah. He made all the documents in my house. No, I just, I had to get a copy of my driver's official record from Colorado and I can ticket it and then they'll just let me get it. A license. But for now, I just have a permit.

I'm a permitted driver. Congrats. Thank you. I tell you, I've been an ID card guy quite a few times, so it feels nice to get out of that ID card phase. Oh, yeah, yeah. Or passport. Yeah, I got my passport at the bar.

Yeah, yeah. Passport at the bar, I remember whenever I worked at bars, and that guy is, like, not a fun. He's like, he's not, like, going to, like, tip well. No, he's not going to. This guy brought a photopopy of his passport. Yeah. He just walked up, and I was like, whosh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely not. And then what you also find out is that the passport is, it's still legal ID for a year after it's expired. That's a guy who needs to get it together. Yes. Yeah. You don't even go to the bar, my friend.

He's got the passport and then like the piece of paper explaining this. Like, yeah. Actually, here's the legal precedent that allows this. Yeah. That's a guy who's like, I have to get on this plane. Yeah. I'm one of Comedy Central's top comics. 2015.

It's my first trip to New York. It has to happen. You're wearing a little. all your clothes. This is more the coming about a life thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

that was the first time I went to New York. My name is Ian Carmel. No, you were the year before us. No, I was with like Kenny and like, yeah. Yeah.

You were at, you were at the thing at Carolina. I was, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because me and Sam were the only people from California. That's right. Yeah, yeah.

My name is Ian Carmel, Ian Carmel across platform on social media. You can buy my book. T-shirt swim club. A national bestseller. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Congratulations. Hey. Yay. Some fucking fest and we get a raise this guy wrote a book. Yeah. USA today. Not some fucking fest. Good, good fest.

Where's it a national bestseller? Croatia, right? Croatia. Moldova. Finland? Finland. Parts of Finland. Yeah, yeah.

The Marshall Islands. True. Yeah. St. Kitts and St. Nevis. You know those? St. Nevis. That's good.

St. Nevis. Tobago. Not Trinidad. No. Not Trinidad. Oh, I found out recently they don't call them tobogins. They don't? The people?

Yeah, it's just people from Tobago. They call themselves Trinidad. Oh, man. Garik told me, because Garry's from Trinidad. Oh, man, I did not know that. Yeah. I wanted them to be tobogins bad. Yeah.

So where the fuck does toboggan come from in terms of sleddery? Slettery. Oh, I don't know about that. There's probably no sleds in Tobago. Yeah, that's right. So it's very close to mainland South America, right? Yeah. Like Trinidad and Tobin?

Those are like the last islands before like Venezuela, Argentina. This guy's trying to know. I'm starting to realize. I think I only paid attention in an English class. I'm starting to realize that. I'm like writing I got. English I got. Science I'm interested in.

I'm not good at it. And then math, but it's not. This says toboggan originates from the Algonquin languages. Oh, from the good land. from the good land. Yeah. Okay. Referring to long, flat bottom sled used for transporting goods over snow.

We're drafting old guy shit. Yes. Which is looking up to boggons. Old people phrases. Old people phrases is the thing we're drafting. Now, the way we determine the order of the draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors, played between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Okay.

All right, here we go. Rock paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, cats, rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Wait. Oh, Sean wins. That one. I got a grenade. He did you.

Is it a grenade? Yeah. I was like, what is that? We'll win. Everybody dies. You get it so confident. Didn't even look at my hand like,

what am I doing? Isaac has to do all 20 picks. There are no survivors. John, as the winner isn't coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you to the serpentine draft. So it goes this way and that way. That's the second time. You blew it twice in a room.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And what is that? It's like a zong. Oh. The last one. Like a bong that goes this way. Like a zong that kind of goes like that.

Like a zshaped bong. What? I didn't know about it either. A zong? I've never heard that. This might be like a... Really? He had...

Colorado's so heavy. Yeah, yeah. There were zongs for days in South Dakota. Yeah, a lot of zon. You were like a big deal if you had a zong. Yeah. It sounds incredible. Yeah.

You couldn't get a plastic zong. The bear had a zong. Yeah. Adam Deterri's dad had a zong. January Jones lived in a zong-shaped house. Yeah. Are you serious? No.

No. Well, I like the name January Jones. Is January Jones from where you're from? She's from Sioux Falls. Did she go to your high school? Nope. She went to Roosevelt. I went to Lincoln.

Point of contention. And I'm sure you guys don't think Roosevelt's very good. Yeah, right? You know? The Rough Riders, Patriots. What were you guys? We were the Patriots. Oh.

They were the Roosevelt Rough Riders and Lincoln Patriots. Were all your schools named after presidents? Washington. They're all named after presidents. No, not mine. I was named after a civil rights activists. High Schools, right? Well, yeah, mine was like an outlier.

Yeah. Mine was named after like sort of a real estate feature. Yeah, you're Westview, right? Westview. Westview. Oh, mine's the town. But I went to a Grandview. Oh, Grandview.

See, I went to Whitney Moore Young Magnet High School in Chicago. Oh, that's a famous high school. Yeah, yeah. It's like very, you guys have a lot of notable alumni. Michelle Obama's one of them. Wow. Will Miles. Clark Jones.

Clark Jones. Quinn Richardson went there when I was there. Wow. And open Mike Eagle. Quentin Richardson and Mike Ingle. Oh, nice. Yeah. Man, nobody went to my high school.

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Not either. I went to my high school. Yeah. That's not a compost. Same talent. Same talent.

But we were in the same. We were in the same grade class. Yeah, everything. Our first graduating class was 97. So that like, yeah. But even still since then, it's not a lot of it. The guy who's now the quarterback at LSU. That's pretty good.

We talked about this with Rob. On actually the episode coming out tomorrow, recording time. Rob Hayes? That makes sense. We talk about high schools all the time. He has a lot of notable alumni. We always compare.

Sean thought he was 52. Dwight Howard went to his high school? I think so. Like a lot of rappers went there too, too. Sean, what's the order of the draft? We'll go Will David, myself, and then Ian.

Will David? Sean Ian. I run an illegal pet. Oh, that's good. There's no right. I like that pen. Yeah, right? That's all.

This is like a, I brought the old man's shit. No, I don't need the pen. I just want the pen. The pen, yeah, yeah. The pen's fantastic. Oh, yeah, look at that. That is old man's shit.

You get into pins. I've gotten into some weird shit. Like I get into pens or like this pad. I have a decent head notes. I like that's got a clipboard on it. Yeah, right? I like that it's a brand, a zebra seressa. Yeah, yeah.

Well, we're going to get to Wells' first pick. This is like when, you know, old, like, back of the day, like high fidelity, like in Buggy Nights. I feel like a lot of dads were like that where they're like, my stereo's like perfect. Yeah. And now it's like a bunch of weird shit. You're like this.

Like everybody's got a great stereo. I'm going to get there on stereo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stereo's going to be great. I step dad at woofers. I've got good speakers. Got a good turntable. My receiver.

What about your headphones, bro? You're going to be scratching, right? I have great headphones. I have great. Don't fucking joke about my head. You get a little bit. He's never been sitting. Oh, I wish.

He never left. I've been having in my backyard. every year. The invisible scratch pickles live in my ADU. Hell yeah. That'd be so cool. I watched juice last night,

so it's on my mind. Did you? Hell yeah. How was it? It holds up all the time, right? Always good. It's never going to... I know.

I can't believe how good of an actry was. That's phenomenal. I really can the most believe how good of an actor. You know what I mean? Well, you can, because you believe his whole schick was an act. I do too.

Oh, no. Yeah. Listen. Oh, man. It was. We could have a long conversation. about that because, yes. Interviews in high school that seemed like the demeanor

of a different man. I saw those interviews. I didn't think there was any debating. It was an act, the whole thing. Well, this is not even from the West Coast. Well, yeah, I've evolved. He's from New York. He's from New York. He lived in Baltimore in high school.

It's the opposite of West. It's like, what is happening? Yeah, his first album was all East Coast beats and everything. Yeah. I'm all, I'm, yeah, I totally agree. But I feel you, I live in L.A., I'm very L.A. now. But it also gives us a pass to be like, super west coast now right?

It's like sure. I didn't move here until I was an adult but I'm super west coast. I'm from the west so I've always lived in the west. The Colorado's the furthest east of it. And the sun in February does something to you. Oh yeah. You're like oh there's like springtime in L.A.

You're like everybody hates California. They hate us because they ain't us. Exactly. Like when it's nice here you're like no this is paradise. It softens the edges. Yeah, I'm eating tacos. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I think about people back. even like in Colorado where it's like yeah because you live in Kiowa

yeah yeah yeah that's why you fucking hate California I walked to the gym this morning it was so beautiful I turned the music off yeah you know what I'm just on the walk there and just like let me just take in the world it's funny when you get family like texting about how 15 inches of snow and shit and you're like I wish I could like send a picture right now but it'd be so

hurtful to you I'm in a t-shirt and I'm outside in my backyard I don't know what your life is like I mean tacos with my standard poodle right right my life is I'm feeling good Will, it's time for your first thing. First, we're going to take a short break. Okay.

Today's episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Factor. Now, picture yourself sitting on your couch after a long, hard day of work. You're exhausted. You've been staring at computer screens all day. You've been making small talk with your coworkers talking about, oh, the World Cup's coming up. You're excited about that? Yeah, yeah, but they don't really know about soccer. So you have to like carry the way to the conversation.

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Welcome back to All Fantasy. Everything already in progress. Yeah, we're back. He's just going to get beverages. Hey, give me Diet Coke. Thank you. We are not sponsored. Isaac, bleep out what he wants to drink.

And then if you want to sponsor us, we'll put it in. Do they sponsor anybody, D.C.? I don't think they're going like that. That's what I'm saying. I don't think they need it. They're like, you don't need it. Diet Coke doesn't need you. Yeah.

They don't. They don't. White women. Yeah. Every single white woman has a taste for Diet Coke. Weirdly, my wife is not a Diet Coke person, but every other white woman I know it is. Really? Yeah, yeah.

That's good. My wife is not really a diet. I mean, she doesn't drink pop or soda at all. So good, good pop. I grew up in Pop World, too. Oh, this is Midwest. Yeah. My mom, when I started calling it soda, my mom thought I was pretentious.

That's when I got, I'm like soda. It's like, oh, you're a Costa League. Yeah. I mean, it is pop. We call it was soda pop. Yeah. Soda's from a soda machine. It is pop.

Yeah. The pop soda thing changed in Oregon like in my lifetime. I was going to say Washington is pop too. Yeah. And they turned to soda like in my lifetime. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but soda, technically soda is different, right?

Like, Coke and stuff, that's pop. That is pop. Soda is like that. I don't understand what you guys are saying. Soda's the stuff you get out of a soda fountain and it's more syrupy and... Is this because I'm not doing the Netflix festival? Wow, it is. Hey!

Hey! That hurt. That sucked. I'm sorry. No. Do you want some of my chicken? I... Wow.

I don't want it. I could do the Netflix festival I wanted to Yeah, hell yeah Yeah Yeah, I didn't get it I didn't get the vibe that it was a I don't think I'm doing as little

Yeah Stand up where I have to try as possible Are you trying to phase out That's my whole thing Not completely Yeah Not completely Go my route

Because I was trying to phase it out And then I'm like I still have fun Monday And it's like a set Social setting for me Yeah It's like something you have to go do Something I have to go do

I do I do need some of that Yeah and I've also Because I'm not good at actually making friends. Me either. Me either. And I've also, I realized I've had a show for the last 20 years. That's crazy. Wow. Because like when I started, I had a show. And that was like, 07 or something. So it's not 20 years technically. Oh, eight maybe. Yeah. And I had a show. And then I had a show in New York. I had a, when I moved here is the first time I didn't have a show. And I was like, writer's room is how I made friends, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Fated honestly. And then like going around. And then, but it's like, then I had to be like, pandemic. I was like, what do I do? Like. Yeah.

What am I supposed to do? No, outside of stand-up, it's really hard to remember who you are as a person. Yeah. Because, like, sometimes it'll be like, I'm not doing stand-up and my wife doesn't want to hang out. And then I'm like, right. I don't really. Guys got to start skateboarding. She'll be like, oh, I'm going to the gym after work so she doesn't get home to later.

And then I'm like, oh, I can't even. I take the dog for a really long. Yeah. Smoke some weed and watch a movie or something. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really. I can't even really play 2K anymore. I started a season the other day and I was like,

brother, I don't think I like this anymore. Once you don't like watching TV as much as you used to? That's when you really start getting fucked up. That's what's happened to me where it's like, I don't, there's not like, it used to be like, oh, especially if we're not hanging out, like, oh, there's a bunch of shit I want to watch. Yeah, yeah, yep, yep, yep, I don't have any shit. I know, they're not even making a new TV really.

No, it's like how loud would I, yeah. Yeah, and I don't want to really watch the whole shit again. I know. Yeah. Books and jazz, my friends. Yes, I totally agree. Books has filled that up. I think I'm going to start shooting a lot.

What? Wait a second. Books, guns, jazz. Books and jazz and guns? Just to get a hobby. A hobby is good. You're reacting to that scared. I went hook line and thinker on that.

Yeah, me too. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, yeah, yeah. Or like fishing or something. I have been drawing more. Like, I used to draw the kid. I saw the, yeah. It stays on his phone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're good about your internet content doesn't suck in an a, and this isn't just because I made Husky Nika Fitz. Oh, yeah. That did feel really good. I was really happy. It felt really, really, especially because I was in Japan in that picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I was like, okay. It's hard. Yeah, but that was the little hat. Yeah. Which I've worn in America, it's little. It's good, though. It's Japanese. The bill is little.

Yeah, yeah. In America? Sometimes a little bill can be good. In America? In Century City Mall, it was too small. Yeah. Oh, you wear the head on the east side, my friend. Yeah.

Oh, for sure. I learned that. You got to go to squirrel in that hat. Motherfuckers give you like a thumbs up there. Yeah, yeah. Anywhere something is spelled wrong is where you got to wear that. Yeah. Exactly.

Or where there's an ampersand. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the line over the vowel? Umla. Yeah. Or there's a dog. Tildare.

There's any number of. Tilday. I love a Tilday. There's a restaurant called Tilday. That's that way. Yeah. No, but yeah. That's deep.

Over then, yeah. But I was going to say, your internet content, you, it's always been like, it doesn't feel like it sucks in an area where people's shit sucks. Well, that's good because I don't know. Nice thing. Because I also don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. I'm like, not good at the internet.

I think. It's great. I think you're doing it perfect. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And nobody likes people who are great at the internet. I don't, right? Right?

Can we all, and maybe that's us being old, but like, when somebody's great at the internet, especially at content, you're always like, this fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too much. Too glossy. Yeah, I want you to be bad at it. Yeah. Bad at it's more fun.

Yeah, I believe you when you're bad at it. It's why I mute people who, like, are good and I'm friends with. Oh, yeah. Because it's like, I can't be looking at you and be good at the internet and then have a perception of you when I go to talk to you in real life. Yeah, 100%. That's like your internet thing is not for me. I have a lot of positive mutes.

Yeah, positive mutes. Yeah, I love you too much. Yeah, I love you. I don't know what this guy's up to on the internet. I've never muted anyone. Have you really not? I got to get into the mute game, I think. I was joking about meeting you.

I love you. Well, mute and then like really look at the shit you want to see. Yeah. Cartoons or skateboarding. I'm on following a bunch of skateboarding too. Jazz dispensory jokes. Yeah. You see the jazz dispensary account?

Charlie XXXX today. unfollow Charles Mingus. That was their job. That's hilarious. It's funny. Yeah. Yeah. They rule.

They put out great records, too. Jazz dispensary? Yeah. And they have nice merch. Really nice merch. Yeah. Great. Uh, curatorial.

Yeah. This is the second episode in a row. I've gotten to talk about jazz. Yeah. Jazz is dead as a concert series, by the way. That's a great one too. Yeah. Alishid Mohammed and Adrian Youngie.

Yeah. However that's pronounced. I don't know how to say it. Or Youngie. Youngie. Yeah. Yeah. You sent me the Dr.

Pepper Broughtware's link, the fizzy glizzies. I did indeed. That's some good internet stuff. That sounds good. I have a physical lizzie. Physic Lizzie sounds good. Will, time for your first pick in old people phrases.

Old people phrases. Now, this is going to relate to us being old again. I think. But an old people phrase is actually, you know what I'm saying. Oh, do you remember, like, we would watch rappers on MTV

and just people in real life who are uncles or friends of like my brother and they're talking, they'd be like, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then older people would always be mad.

Like, you're saying. Stop saying, you know what I'm saying? It's like, those people are now 65. Right. They're old. And they're still saying, you know what I'm saying? Like, if you watch a Rock Kim interview, he's still like, you know what I'm saying? And he's like a genius. So it's like, it's not like a, like I'm less intelligent at all if I say that, which is I think what older people used to always say. But I'm like, but the people who said it when I was a kid, like are just smart people. They're really smart people. And it's like, yeah. It's interesting because it's a way to activate. It's a way to, it's like an inclusive conversation to it. Yeah. Yeah. Where it's like,

Like obviously they know what you're saying But it's a way to like keep you like You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's not interested. People say right now. Instead of you know what I'm saying, they say right. So I was driving on the street, right?

Oh, that's right. And then somebody walked right in front of the car, right? If you watch Outcast, they got like a VMA or something. Yeah. I mean, 15, 20 times. You know what I'm saying? It was like a joke. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And now it's like I don't hear one kid say or like even any of those like teens or 20-something year olds. They all looked the same to me. But none of them say... Yeah. Anyone don't know what I'm saying.

You know, like, I don't know. You're much younger than me. A day younger than Isaac and below. Yeah, exactly. That's right. Yes. I never, I never latched on to it. You know what I'm saying?

That's crazy because you say crazy shit. Well, he was saying, nah, I mean. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Nah, yeah. It's like a, it was like a... I never felt right saying it.

I'm not going to lie. No. It's like, I couldn't say it as a kid because it would like be inauthentic, But I remember being like, you see it in the wild and somebody's really like, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, yeah, cool. Seem real East Coast to me.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Let me try to naturally use it. Let me try to see if I can, if this is how it feels. It's tough. It's just, it's like every time I go to Trader Joe's, I forget which almond butter it is that I like.

You know what I'm saying? That was actually flawless. Yeah, it was. That was pretty good. I wouldn't notice. If you said that I wouldn't, I might have hit me hours from now. And be like, wait a minute. I do know what I'm saying.

It's also updated to like modern times because I feel like those same rappers you should say it are all vegan now. Yeah. And like very health conscious. They're all so health conscious. It's crazy how healthy rappers go. Yeah, yeah. But then it makes sense because you're like they're rich guys and they've been rich guys forever. Yes.

And every rich guy gets buff. Yeah. At least for a second. That's right. Yeah. They all get buff. They all get buff. Whether it's sometimes it's way late.

Yeah. I'm planning mine for 41. Yeah. That's where I'm out right now. Yeah. I'm getting buffed. Pass that, man. I got a hit.

I might do 50 or something. I don't know. Buff 50 year old. But you look. I always forget that you're older than me. But the thing is, I think if I were any skinny. Am I like that? 82?

83. So not that much different. 803. So I'll be 43. Yeah. It's only one year. Yeah. But still.

Well, I'm 35. Yeah, of course. But I am 38. I like that that's the age. Yeah. We can't lie even that. Nobody buys it. Although we busts this shit out, I might be going 26 by the end of the time.

We're talking about pleasant Dan's beard. It'd be the first time since 2011, I think. Wow. You know what? That's interesting because A. A.S. I feel like I don't know his age and he never has facial hair. He looks like he's 22.

That's part of it, right? Farrell. Farrell's never had facial hair. Ferrell's 60. 60. It's because they don't have facial hair. They both have incredible skin, though. That's true.

And they both- Isab-Rocki's teeth are one of the... He's like a very... He's a very... He's a very... He's a very... He's gorgeous in general, but the smile is like,

holy fuck. It's electric. Electric. But he's got to be pushing 40 close to it, right? It has to be, right? Oh, for sure. I think he's older than... He might be 40.

He's 37 years old. 37? 37? That's old for a rapper. Yeah, yeah. It's young for me. It's young for me, too, but that's... I'm like 37 as a rapper. getting into Tim Burton too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's keeping it, yeah. That's like a 20-year-old pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, shit. But all this shit is good now. Yeah. Like, creatively, he's got, he's in his, quote-unquote bag.

But yeah. I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. David, time for your first pick. Yeah, these ones, I,

first I started with like very old, and then it gets younger. Yeah. Okay. But, so I'm starting with, I'm trying to get like you. Oh, yeah. It's like... I'm trying to get like you!

Oh, my God, that's good. That's so old, I've never been involved in one. I've just seen it take place between two people. Oh, man. You know what I mean? It's like never... I'm never trying to get like, we're not that old yet. Well, I have a memorable...

Oh, please. Oh, I have a memorable moment where somebody said that to me, and I think I was in Chicago, maybe on like the west side or something. Yes, you have to have... That feels right. It makes sense. That checks out. And I forget, like...

Maybe it was on the west side, I don't know. Was in the northern? I think it was in Wendick. You were in front of a Portillo. It was in Highland Park. I was attending a shul. But there was an old black dude, and I just said, how's it going? He said, trying to get like you.

And I remember being like, oh, man, I must be dressed impeccably. You're like he doing around. He was like the best. sentiment to see two friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's the best. Oh, man, it's just like, what a sweet way to, like, tell your friend you love them. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I see you. Oh, man, I'm trying to be like you. Yeah. I will, not this exact phrasing, but this is one I will try to say to old people. I like that every now and then. Like, how are you doing?

I'm just trying to get where you're at, man. Like, yeah. And that's true a lot of times. Absolutely. When I'm your age, I want to be like you. I'm trying to incorporate more old people. Yeah, you have to. I just don't, like, talk to.

to a lot of old old people. My next door neighbor is like in her 70s. She comes over every now and then. We have her over at the house. Yeah. My neighbor down the street is like probably pushing 60. I spend like probably an hour talking to him every week. I got a couple old guys at the gym now.

Well, Eric, with him. Yeah. Well, he's in 1,200 calories a day. Yeah. So he's going to live forever. He's sending me Instagram recipes. And then also the old Jamaican guy at the gym. Of course.

He looks amazing, though. A little more. weren't naked than I would like him to be. Well, that's old guys. They've been around too long to hide their dicks. Yeah. In the locker room, they're like, nope. I went to preschool.

America's kind of going through a little bit of that. With some of these guys. I went to preschool at the Middleman Jewish Community Center in Portland, Oregon. And that was also a Jewish community center. Yeah. So there was like a gym. There was an Olympic-sized pool and then also like a therapy pool. You know, with like the warm water in it.

Yeah. And all these alter cocker's, these old guys. What did you say? Alter cocker's not about the penises? Spell it. It's your A, L-T-E-R-K-K-K-E-R-S. Double K. So three Ks are in there, by the way.

Alter-cauters. I clocked it. Black people instantly count how many Ks are in every word. It's spelled. K. Yeah. That's our ears right now, yeah. Okay, okay.

So you want to. KKKK for preschool. T, B'O-H-E W-H-I-T-O-L-L-E M-A-N will rise again. I just look at it up. It literally means old shitter.

Old shitter? Alt their cocker's like Yiddish slang. So it's like American Jew slang for like old, for like old fogies, you know? And there are all these like old fogies, there who like in the locker room just had the oldest Jewishest balls out. Yeah. And we would be there.

We'd be like five getting ready for like our swimming lessons. And there would just be some dude like drying his balls like they were a bowling ball. And like you're a kid. And you're like, oh my God, what the fuck is this situation? I'm treading lightly. Yes. I think you do need some of that. Yes, you do.

Like there, you need to not hide old people from. animal that's true you got to see their balls can be hidden but yeah yeah the balls can't be but like in general you need and not you don't need to see the balls but you need to see that their bodies their bodies yeah yeah things are different yeah it gets it gets different it's not always like

non-sexualized nudity I think I'm not against that too I'm like that's not like the worst thing for like to not have it so laden with like all this like it's one of those things that makes you feel like we're like as puritanical as maybe oh yeah the stereotype you know what I mean where it's like yeah why are we so crazy against

something that is everybody has naked stuff. I'm curious when you say Jewishest balls what does that entail? Really long learned rabbinical The pubs are like

Yeah yeah They're spiraling down His neck has a yamaica Just like old like I don't know Like the way Larry David looks But balls Okay I get full visual now

Yeah yeah Yeah yeah No but I agree I mean, when I'm around, like, my grandma was her 90th birthday this past weekend. Happy birthday, right? Yeah, 90s is big year. Amazing. But it is like, you do realize.

I wish I had asked you while you were there when you texted me. I know, no. You just said, condolences got me a little scared at first. You said, oh, shit. He said, I'm in Columbus, Ohio. I was like, my condolences. I was like, no, she's alive. She's 90.

She's all right. In fact, I'm trying to get like her. Yeah, I'm trying to get like her. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know, yeah. But you're like, oh, I could get so much.

Like, when you're older, you realize how much, like, game you can get from somebody older than you. You're like, oh, man, I should have been listening this all time. Oh, yeah. I'm so bad. I feel like, wow. I feel like you also realize how much more time there is the older you get. Yeah.

Like, when I was 20, I was like, this is, I got to live it up. Like, I didn't, I really didn't think there could be, there might be 70 more years of this. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm, like, not far in at all. No. I don't remember being like, I'm 24. I got a, oh.

Well, we were living very intentionally like there wouldn't be, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what's nice about the getting washed part is. Like the, you know, it's like the rappers like getting buff and getting vegan. Yeah.

Yeah. With comedians, you know, lesser tax bracket, obviously, but like there is a like either you like burn out young or you have to figure out like, oh, I'm going to be around for a while ideally. How do I make this work? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. The word nowadays. Yeah. Nowadays is good. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, just doesn't, I don't think any young people are saying nowadays. Not nowadays.

It'd be weird. Is it one word? Is it one word? Nowadays is one word, right? Yeah. I didn't know that. Nowadays. I thought it was just now a days.

I thought it was more of a phrase. That's your name at Scribble Jam. Now a day, Y, Z.E. Yeah. D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-Lar-L-L-E. Yeah. Like how Fredigan is one name? Yeah.

That could be also on your cash app. One word. Predigan's a name with an ellipses in it, isn't it? Yeah, I think it's at the end, right? Yeah. He's good. Yeah. He is good.

He gets to party guard. Yeah. Everyone knew that was one word. You knew that was one word? Wow. Of course you did. Yeah, I was going to... I had no clue.

That's nuts to me. Don't look at my screen. Nowadays. Get X tube off and I'll stop looking at it. No. X tube is unc also. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know the new ones. That team's ever done me wrong. That's an old time I'm like any of Eddie tube Yeah No, no X video No X hamster

Is that supposed to be Oh X hamster Wow That was like Wow Did the kids not go to that anymore What are they watching

What the fuck they do? Man I don't know I don't know I don't know Is it Reddit? You watch Reddit porn? No They got something we don't know about

I'm sure of it Yeah That's good We should Oh you pay Nowadays? You think they pay? Nowadays they pay

Now days they pay They pay for porn They're more ethical than we were. We didn't know, though. Back in my day. I did know and I wasn't going to. Well, I had a debit card. Oh, wow.

Three days trial? Oh, yeah. Having a call and be like, hey, I'd like to cancel my bang bros membership. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You sure you want to cancel your bangbrosia's membership? And then a long pause. I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, go ahead and cancel Melf Hunter and 8th Street Latinas while we're at it. 8th Street Latinas. We all went there. Yeah. I think every race went to 8th Street Latinos. And nowadays, they're not doing anything. It's a main thoroughfare. It is a main thoroughfare.

They're going to Oculus for their porn these kids. Oh, I've heard that's crazy. I don't know if I could handle that. I refuse. It's too much. I don't know if I could look down and see my virtual body getting sucked off. Well, it's like to me, it's the same. That sounds terrible.

You said it and then you hated it immediately. He hated what I said, I think. It's like the weed, though. Like, weed now has all that shit in it. Right. And it's like, this is obviously too much. You know? Like, when you're smoking, you're like, I remember buying it illegally.

I'd get the same, like, not the same, but I get like a, the high that I expect. A consistent level of hot. Now there's like all this shit on it and you're like, that's obviously like you took it too far. Yeah. They don't smoke it. You know what it is? We never didn't feel like a plant. Right, right.

Now it feels like a drug. Yeah, it always felt like some shit somebody grew. In a way. We're so fucking old. I know, I know. I know. It's over for all of us. This is what I'm saying.

Weed was shielded from late stage capitalism by being illegal. where like you know the way like there's like 60 Oreos or like the breakfast cereal where they just keeps like getting spun out of control weed was just like shielded from that because they couldn't develop it and now it's been exposed to it

in this way where it's like flash or bigger you know more stuff in it you know like turpies even higher yeah better than the other one and it got its fucking claws into it and now it's gone too far corporate corporate growers yeah you can't really grow it like you need somebody with love who's like very

strange. Do you still grow your own weed? I don't anymore. I mean, well... Well, that's what I'm talking about. You're always on some cool shit, man. Like, growing your own weed, that's amazing. That is cool. It's just fun shit. I'm like, well, you know what it is? I did a show where I interviewed Zach Fox, and I was like, how do you do all this shit? He does all this shit.

And he's like, the best of shit. You're like, how did you know so much about black techno? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're an incredible DJ. Yeah. And it's very funny. And he's funny as fuck. And he's an actor. It's like, hey, how do you do all?

And some of the rap songs are like fantastic. Yeah. And you're like, shit, I'm listening to you're great at all this shit. How do you do it? What's his answer? And he was just like, I just kind of do whatever I like a lot. And it's like, that's like kind of what I've been focusing on where it's like, all right, if in this, in this mode, I'm about to draw a lot.

So I'm just going to draw for like, I drew for like the last three days. Yeah. And then I finally came to that conclusion of that thing. I posted this at like at midnight last night. because I was just like, all right, I want to do that, and then let me get it out, so I have it out there, and I've done it. And then, like, you know, I might go back to writing today if I feel like it. But it's like assessing where your vibe is that day and then going like, I'm going to do this for a while. Yeah, I like that.

It's kind of a fun way to be. That was really, that was really great advice. Yeah, truly. It was Zach's advice because I was like, yo, man, I don't know how to like, how to keep pushing the boundaries of like what I'm good at. And we should all get bright yellow windbreakers, too. right? Yeah. I just got my first

non-sneeker pair of shoes in a long time. Let me sit in that. Did you cop those? Yeah, I bought them. Good shit. And now the Clark's website is also open.

Well, nowadays, you gotta get a couple of pair of clerks. Thank you. Clarks are great. I just, and they're comfy too. I'm trying to... Listen, I can buy pants at Target.

I'm about to go crazy this spring. Yeah. We went. We went in the other day. Oh, you were with me when I bought pants at Target. These are, this is a lesson... I had to cut the tag off.

This is a lesson I can't. have learned for you. You need to learn it on your own. You need to be careful with pants in this phase you're about to hit. I got some stuff in my closet that I paid too much for to get rid of, but I can't think of even one scenario

where I can wear. I understand that. Just think, just when you're holding the pants up, think what are two other times I can wear this? Well, okay. That's so good. Well, here's another thing, though. I take cues from a lot of other people.

Yeah. Like, I'm in this room right now, right? Yeah. And I'm like, I would wear Will's pants. Ooh, I would wear Isaac's jacket. I can wear Sean's sweatshirt. I like, like, like, I was going to say, he's going to say, oh, sorry, shirt.

Something very specific. I thought you guys, whatever, you know. Everybody else. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But then I'm like, and then I'm like, okay. But like, Ian's shirt could go with Isaac's paint. Like, I do, it's always off of what I see. I'm not very daring.

You Sprite remit. I'm exactly. I'm not very daring, especially with pants. And I was just talking with Langston about this. I'm not in for tricky pants technology. Just be careful. You're right. That's what I'm saying is I'm not going to get like flares or some shit.

No, that's crazy. You might get some crazy fabrics. Yes. That don't sit well. Don't even sit right. Like these are even risky sometimes. Where did you get those? These are Dickies.

I'm also mostly going old Navy. Yeah. Old Navy's got some good stuff. And now you're a bit. Now your boy can get into the gap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's huge. Gap's huge.

I've got some great pants of the gap. Me too. Yeah. Big pants. Big pants. They got a lot of like carpenter jeans and like... I got my big pants. I just got into big pants again the other day.

You got your big boy pants. My big boy pants. It's a different. So did David. He just got his permit. Yeah. Big of my pants. Come on.

Sign that waiver, baby. 50 more hours. A lot of please. My love about it. Tell them I did it. We were a dairy queen. Yeah. A lot is like, David.

. I will not do it unless we're in the car. You'll get that McDonald's breakfast. Yeah. All right, I got to do my first and second picks. Oh, yeah, yeah. With my first pick, I'm going to take weather's coming. Oh, man.

Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. Damn, that's crazy. I didn't care about weather. Yeah. I don't think I cared about weather for the first 17 years of my life. No way. Like, for real.

No, not at all. Didn't factor into my thoughts. I would get bummed. People like, hey, weather's coming. I'm like, I don't care yet. I don't care when the weather's here. I care myself. That last, when it rained for about a week,

I had a four-day ramp to that. Yeah. Yeah, me too. I was walking around the house telling my, I was walking around the house telling my wife, weather's coming. Not like trying to be funny. I said the words, weather's coming. You plot what you're going to like cook or like.

Yeah, we go to the store. We get provisions. Oh, yeah. We got to have three soups. I got to have some hoodies drive. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

What do I have that's like a wicking type of material? We're charging. I'm like, make sure you're phone. charge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be like, there's a storm coming, make sure that phones charge. Yeah, and you never know. Houses in L.A. leak. Yeah. Because we're not used to the rain. Like my, my, my, the window in my son's room, I had to duct tape up this last storm. How'd that feel, though? Felt good. Manly, right? Yeah, extremely manly. Fiction of the house, I never felt more manly than, like, texting something in the house.

You're the great protector. That's right. Yeah. Then, I'm going to call a handyman to hang a bookshelf, but like, I did duct tape the window. They won't remember that. That's right. Yeah. That's true. I doesn't remember Hector. Remember. Yeah. All the memories of this point, you're giving it. That's right. Yeah. I hung that book show.

Yeah, that's what you tell them. The ours are now, they know what the fuck's going on, and they're going to remember this for life. So it's like, now I'm very, I'm serious about when I fix something. I'm like, all right, you're never going to forget this because you're in real school now. You see me doing that? Have your friends. Yeah, I'm good. I'm, look, that I know Destiny's Dad does a lot around the house, all right?

I see it. He's fantastic at woodworking and all sorts of stuff. Destiny's dad is an out-of-work crew guy, all right? No, there's a lot of those Destiny's dad works. We've got a lot out-of-work crew guys in the, yeah, yeah, for sure. But yeah, yeah, yeah. It breaks by those handy dads. I know, I know.

But I want to be like, I hung that shelf, too, through my writing. Yep, exactly. Exactly. We got to have Max's uncle come over and do a lot of stuff, because I'm like, I can't do it. Yeah, you're like, me to your apartment kids. Yeah, yeah. We didn't even get those, like, skills. We were at the crib yesterday, we were to Andy's, and we heard someone using a hammer

upstairs and I'm like, what are you doing? You're an apartment. What are you doing? We're fixing up there. What are you hanging? They're probably hanging on pictures. You don't do that in apartments? Get some tapes. Mine is all learned as an adult. I will say, it's like, well, and like YouTube is such a great thing.

All my adult skills are from YouTube in one way or not. Even my emotional availability. Yeah, me too. It'll get you through a taillight real nice. Something like that where you feel, okay, I did do it. Now, why did you have to change a taillight recently? Wow. I backed into a tree with my wife's car

and I broke the tail light and I changed it first thing in the morning. Unremarkable for most. Now she was in the whip when I did it. Unremarkable for most, but not someone who declares themselves to be top 1% of unpaid drivers. I think I'm one of the best drivers on the planet.

Top 1% of drivers? Unpaid, he says. Unpaid. So not like Richard Petty. They don't count. Or even guys with like a CDO. I only thought of Jason Statham in the movie. He's a paid to drive.

He's a transport. I'm like, I don't know anything about real drivers. I have to pee really bad again before my next pick. Should we take a break? Yeah. We're going to be right back with more All Fantasy Everything. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything.

Sean is really good at stand-up. I was just going to say that when people call me old person names, I'm fine with it because I'm finally good at the thing I've been wanting to be good at forever. You're a man at the peak of your powers. Thank you. I did. Ah, I sound like an asshole. They're not going to hear it, but I sound like such a loser.

I said it so emphatically, too. I only cut you off on account of the timing. Yeah. And you were right, by the way. We're supposed to be done in 10 minutes. Yeah. You think we'll be done in 10 minutes, right? No, yeah.

We're good, aren't? Right, yeah, come on. You see the guests sometimes be like, uh, what? Tell me, tell me, uh, for this next pick that, uh, you got 10 hours of sleep last night. Oh, okay. So I'm in? Yeah. All right.

Yeah, man, I, uh, I'm feeling, I'm feeling, I'm feeling. Like, we're, like, we, like, you just woke up, you walked out. Okay. Oh, I can't believe I slept for 10 hours. hours. Give me that. Hey man, I got, I can't believe I slept for 10 hours. It's crazy. You needed it. You think the younger folks are nicer now? I think for you, no, that's the old folks. I think the old folks are you needed it. But that's why the kids aren't saying you needed it because they, they don't want someone to feel self-conscious about the fact that they needed.

I don't think kids say like, oh man, I really slept, like I slept a long time. I don't think they're like, well, you needed it. Like, I can't picture a 22-year-old saying that. But like everyone 40 and above is saying you needed it. Oh, you definitely needed it. Boy, did I. I needed it the other night. I desperately needed. I slept till about 11 in Omaha.

Yeah. I needed it. You needed it? I haven't had a needed sleep yet. Man. You haven't needed sleep? No, I haven't had the sleep I needed yet. Yeah.

I wish I had that sleep and somebody could say you needed it, but I have not had that yet. Every time I go home and visit my mom and I sleep like a little bit late and she's like watching Arthur and I come up. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. You're like, well, you needed it. See, that's great because you're in the same time zone. Yeah. But see, I went to Ohio where my mom and grandma are. And they're in the East Coast time zone.

And so I was up till three and I slept till like 10. Yeah. So it's seven hours. Right. But I need more than that. Yeah. You also can't sleep much past 10 at your mom's house. You don't want to sleep till nude.

Yeah, I want to. My mom weirdly always has some shit for me to do. Even though she lives by herself. is fully capable. Yeah. I'm there and then all of a sudden there's some like, we're doing this thing at nine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know how to drywall at 8 in the morning. I'm not going to know how to do it at noon. I'll be of no help either time. That's some of those. Max is doing this thing where she'll kick, she like leans up against the wall with her heels now on her back and like kicks him into the wall.

I'm like, Max, if you put a hole in the wall, I can't fix it. I don't even know what to do. It's not possible. We're going to have to have someone come do it. You have to put one of those patches over it that then comes with that like thing that you dry and then you sand that out and you never looks as fix it far too yeah you hang something over that hole he did that which is why maybe like i was

hammering in the apartment yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i put a hole in my buddy's wall we just put a piece of like a magazine page over it or something and it was in such a weird spot as mom comes down and immediately she's like what's that magazine like what's that doing two feet off the ground yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well the Whitney Houston looks dope what do you don't like that it's the start of a collage yeah The whole wall is going to be covered soon, but just... It's aspirational. This is the starting point.

You needed it. Sean, time for your second pick. All right. This is the second pick. All right, I'm just going to do a voice to text real quick. You really fuck that up a lot, too. It's what I just was going to say. Not a lot, but like you send it.

You've said a few where it's like, well, I send some that say smiley face. I send it to this girl today. It said smiley face and I go, sorry about that. I was doing voice to text. Which girl? The cruise. Yep. Don't ask Don't ask me that.

Just some girl I'm done. He's trying to catch you up. You're sending smiley faces? You're sending smiley faces to professional contacts? I am too into the emoji game and the old school emoji game. I have to fight to not send in our emails and text messages. I fight to not send emojis because I know you guys don't like it. They slip through every now. You know what I'm saying?

I know they do. I don't like it. I know every exclamation point I send kills me a little bit. Yeah. It like takes minutes off of my life. like smoking cigarettes. Great. They're like little upside down cigarettes.

Cool. Yeah. When you get an exclamation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do like the double? Oh, man. Yeah. Here's another to couple with it.

I don't understand why I can't just voice to text. It saves me time. I don't get why that's such an old person thing to do. Because it doesn't work well. It gets the point across, though. My mom does. My mom's the only one. Every mom does.

Yeah, yeah. Read through the fucking the misspellings and stuff. Get the gist, you know? But now you're putting that on the reader. You're now offloading your responsibility. I don't know if the reader qualifies for the text you're getting. It's not like you're, yes, technically you're reading it. Figure it out.

This is like an episode of the pit where Santos has to do her charts. So you can watch the pit. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. She's really where the dictation is 2% off. And it's like there's an issue. Yeah. And then someone got a blood draw they didn't need.

Yep. Yep. That is scary. Yeah. That is scary. I wouldn't use it if I was a doctor. You took it. You drafted it.

I know that. We're not the one who said it's an old guy. You did this. You fucked up. Yeah, I just don't understand why it's got to be so frowned on, but it is. Nobody likes doing it. Let me tell you, let me give you some, let me give you your flowers. Wait, I'm a young guy.

That's not a young guy. That's not a young guy at all. Everybody on the internet who says that is 40 plus. You got to be old enough to have lost people in your life. Hold on. Hold on. Let me give you your pride. Yeah, yeah, that's super old.

That's even old? Oh, no! Wait, do you remember when you found out... Aretha Franklin says that in a song? Oh, no. You want to hit the skins after? Yeah, you guys are dope. Yeah, dope is old, yeah.

Dope's old as old. Hold on. Oh, you guys are making me feel like shit about myself. All I do is say stuff is dope. I found out proppers, like, props was what Hammer said and all those other people said props. Yeah. And then I found it there was proppers.

Proppers. So late in the game that I was like, that's Proppers? Proper's when he gets home. But Proppers kind of went. retro for a second where you could say after props you could say I'm going to give you your proppers and people looked at it like it was new for a brief window there because of sampling I think that happened yeah when you sample like old or eat the freaking and then let me glaze in your butt up a little bit let me glaze you for a second yeah yeah there it is nice

glazed ass I don't know that's you at least you don't let me glaze your ass yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't do the uh the voice memos the voice well but that drives are doing the voice memos a little bit. Stop it. It drives me crazy. I gotta stop everything I'm doing and listen. You know who gave me a voice memo? Jay Larson hit me with a voice memo the other day.

That guy plays by his own set of round. Let's just talk on the phone, which is what I'm trying to bring back. Absolutely. That's good. That's good. I call. If it's like something where I just need, we need to like, it's just so much easier. It is so much easier.

I mean, with family stuff, yeah, I always call. I'm like, I'm not about text for all this shit. Yeah. I don't want, I don't want this to go on for, we can get it done in five minutes or we can get it done over 90 minutes. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? While trying to do other shit. Yeah, I don't want to, but like, and then like you got to send them back a voicemont and then it's like, so that's all I'm doing or I'm playing it out loud while I'm watching TV with my wife.

Like, what is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've gotten into shout to Cassine Bentley. Now like we're in a conversation. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, this is crazy. Yeah, yeah. He sent those.

Yeah, I've had. He said he'll send you long ass on. A whole fucking theory about some... Hey, I was talking to this lady the other day, man. It made me think about you. And then, but now we're just having a talk. Right. It's like, this could be a phone call.

Yeah. Jermaine Fowlerson's like, long ones too sometimes. People sometimes happen. When it's like, oh man, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Call me. You sound, you seem busy. I don't know.

Yeah. I can hear there's like. Yeah, yeah. Do they find this weird? Yeah. Do you have time for your second pick? Oh. Go ahead and just bend moment.

I want to get the points. That's good. That's good. That's good. Yeah. I got to start getting points though. I can't believe you're not on points yet. I know.

What do you mean? You're an idiot. You got to get. Are you serious? Or miles. Excuse me. Miles. Miles.

No, no. No, no. I get miles. I get miles. Okay. That's points. That's points. That's points.

Yeah. I thought points for a credit card. I don't have a Miles credit card. I have a miles through the ticket. No. No, no, no. You got to get it. Yeah.

Because if you get the credit card, some places. folk. Are we talking about Southwest particularly? I got the Delta Amics. I got the Delta Amics too. I got the Delta Amics. I got two of them. I got one for the business. One for the... That's so smart. I got it on the same Miles account. Yeah. I got... I got the pamphlet for the Alaska

card on the flight here. So I'm going to get the Alaska card. If you know, I'm going to hit you so hard with a hockey stick. Whatever you fly them those. Some vendors give you two to one now or two to one, two dollars. Southwes give you three points. Three points per dollar spent. I think with MX it's like a Lyft gives you two to one or three to one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can use all kinds of shit. I plan on doing it tomorrow. It's on my list. Yeah, why not, why not, I'm not trying to spend my money one to one ever. Ever. You know what I mean? No, that's so true.

That used to be the only option. I know, and that was stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was important inflation and like weird shit. Yeah. I knew that Wells Fargo thing was going to hit. Yep. That $35 fucking dollars.

I know. Every time. Every time. But, yeah, no. But like the idea of paying the whole bill and not immediately needing everyone to give me cat, that was never on the table. I was an early adopter of all due it. Let me get the points. And now you're in early adopt.

Now you've got to sometimes fight people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody else got to do it. Everybody caught up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody caught up. Yeah. Now we're splitting tabs.

Yeah. That Delta Sky Miles reserve card so many times with comedians, it's like, oh, oh, another, yeah, another fellow of the purse. Purple. It's all just different airline cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that I have two, because I share the Delta one with my wife, and then I have the Southwest one myself, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, this is like ridiculous. My wife has a good Chase Infinity one that, like, rack you can use hotels a lot, too. Yeah. Capital One's got some good stuff. I think I'll peruse the credit card game after this. I know. Do you guys ever go so far as to get the, see, you get the points for a room that's booked for you? You know, the venue, books through room or whatever, and you ask them, hey, here's a lot. That's such a smart move, though. I don't do it, but I've heard people be like, give the,

you can give your manager, whatever, that number, and they'll give it to the venues, and they'll put that number in. Same thing with plane tickets. I'll always take the buyout, though, and buy the ticket myself. Absolutely. I always do that, too. Because you get, like, three times the points if you use the credit card to buy it from that airline.

Also, I love buyouts because you can kind of do whatever you want. You can get a cheaper ticket and then be like, I'll just spend this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just get internet on the flight and do it on the plane. What am I scared of? What am I scared of? So many things.

Tornadoes. Tornadoes. Scared the bejesus out of me. Tornado full, it went over a chainsaw factory. And now it's full of chainsaw. I'd probably slow it down a little bit, actually. That's what you think. Will?

Second pick. And third. And third. Okay, great. Well, my second pick is... Like a zong. The... My second pick is...

The... The word. Jack. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's old. That was my grandfather used to always say Jack. Yeah. I remember being alarmed at first, but then you're like, oh, just everybody's Jack. Like in Chicago, everybody says Joe for everybody. I was going to say Chicago's at Joe Town. Joe's at Joe Town. There's no other place I've ever been.

I think Baltimore claims Joe as well. Really? Yeah, there's a lot of fights and nobody's willing to fight Baltimore. So they can have it too. Right. Right. Right. It's like it. I got a little going on. Yeah. I saw the wire. I mean, I'm, you're good. Yeah. Keep saying. Joe if you want, but Joe is like, Jack. I've never heard this before. See that, that's what we mean. Like Jack or Joe. You know what it means, Joe? Either one. It's like dude. It's like dude, yeah. Or bro. It's like bro.

Bro now, everybody says bro now, right? When I was a kid, it was mostly Mexican guys saying, bro. Same, same, same. Only. Only Mexican. Really? Yeah, for sure. Why do you say bro heavy in Beaverton? Oh, really? None of us. Maybe it was a Colorado thing, but yeah. It was Chicago. The Mexicans only said, bro. Yeah. Or Latino. I should say.

Yeah. But it was mostly Mexican. Yeah, Jack. Like, hey, Jack, get over here. Hey, Jack, yeah. Man, or Joker. Like, should I said Joker, I guess. But this, I'm just saying things my grandfather said.

But he would always be like, man, Jack, I can't believe this happened. Yeah. All right. Jack, yeah. Jack also has a little bit of like, it can have a little bit of edge to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It probably was like, I mean, like somebody 90 would never say nigger, I think so. Right.

Well, because it goes back to being a pejority. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I need a couple 90-year-olds away. Sean scratches one off the movies. No, no, you're right. You're right, you're right, right, right. Totally, totally.

David, will you do this next fit for me? I think that was there, in, like, probably the 50s and 60s. Yeah, I never heard, like, Like a real Jack get thrown out. I've heard so many jacks thrown out. Yeah. It's fun.

It's very cool. It's in the same vein, so I'm going to take it. I was thinking Youngblood was one. Oh, that's good. Because it was like, I wrote a bit about it one time where it's like I never felt like I earned it. Yeah. Like when you say Youngblood to me, I think you assume I'm up to things I'm not. Yeah.

I'm not doing what you think I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Youngblood means I'm fucking getting money and like maybe doing some dangerous shit. Yeah, I got a two. Like, I use toothpicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, toothpicks. Oh, my God.

I love toothpicks still. Man, is there any more, can, how, when can we be toothpick guys? I got toothpicks. I'm a toothpick guy. I'm a toothpick guy. Yeah, he is. Really? Yeah, you use the ones with the little, with the little, uh, with the little.

The shit on this on, like, the brush. Yeah, the pampom. Yeah. The pampom. Yeah, this is the pom-pom, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm talking about the ones that are like the top is carved. Yeah, with the little lines.

Oh, yeah. Those are the ones my grandfather had, yeah. Don't they make toothpicks that you can bring around with you? Like reusable toothpicks? That seems disgusting. It does, isn't it? Like a handkerchief. Just do you a little wooden one.

I used to grab them in a restaurant. Yeah, I love those. My father's a toothpickman. Yeah, my grandfather was a toothpickman. Yeah. That is cool. That's really cool. Good to do.

It's free. You got them free at every restaurant. Oh, and third pick is, uh... Huh. Well, let's go with... I feel like I've said this. It's colder than a witch is hitting a brass bar. That's what my dad used to say

Describe the weather all the time Do you feel like Slang is shortening In a way where like They used to say longer things To describe what they meant And now it feels like Everything is shortened

Even like in the way of talking People shortened words Yeah Yeah yeah But it used to be like exclamations like that You know what I mean? Yeah Clother than a witch is didn't a hundred a

I'm this, that that Yeah Because I got that Yeah It was like so much longer. And now it feels like maybe it's the internet or something or maybe it's monoculture getting flattened or whatever. But like everything just seems a lot shorter than it ever would do. I think it's both of those.

I mean, even when we went lowercase as a culture, I don't know when that happened. But lowercase changed the game too. That was wild. It was like we used to be grammatically, you know, and like we used to do it correctly. Lower case. It's like a way of showing your blazzee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care.

I'll do lowercase. I don't need capital letters. Lowercase, especially early in the texting. Yeah. That, it, it, it still looks really shitty to me. Me too. It looks really, really bad. And you know what's so obnoxious about it now?

Is that it's actually harder to tap in lowercase. It's more, it's less blazee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it just looks like, like, like, we all know how to read. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, let's not pretend like we don't know the, the, we all know, capitalizing and shit is not, it's not like highfalut. You're not putting on air. Yeah. Everybody went to kindergarten. Yeah, exactly. Capitalized letters in the text.

I didn't know this. People, like, younger people don't really use capital letters. Didn't know that. It just is all run-on sentences. It is. My little brother, it sounds like a fucking idiot. I forget who, what's her name? Who wrote the shit where they fuck each other a lot?

I forget. She writes great stuff. That is, that is too vague. I know. The guy from Saltburn was in it, I think. Oh, Eric Quino? No. What is it?

Barry Keegan? Oh, normal people. Normal people. Whoever wrote that. Sally Rooney. Sally Rooney. her writing I loved the first book because it is like that

and I was like I've just never seen anything like this but it was hard to read the ones after because I'm like okay I'm a little lost now like I need those periods and those like that shit it's like I caught on first because I'm always willing to like watch like Memento when it came out you're like okay I've just never seen that before yeah this is good yeah

move yeah does she write like that yeah her books are like that I wrote I read uh have you ever read erasure I haven't it's the book that the movie Erasure. There's a movie name Arisha too.

No, but it was a movie that came out recently. American fiction? American fiction is the book that that's based on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Within that, he writes the writes, like you read the entire book

Oh yeah, okay. That he wrote. Yeah. And it's written like that and it's like so upsetting. Yeah, exactly. For like 15 pages, you're just like, I just couldn't wait for it to end.

Damn. I hate it when people type stupid on perspective. Yeah, I know. I can't deal with it. It's tough. That being said, I do, like, halting, like, halting punctuation. I think it's funny.

Like, too many periods or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I do think that that is. I remember in Texas, speaking to Rob Hayes, I was texting him one day, like, maybe a decade ago now. And he was like, you're the only person I know who puts periods at the end of all of his sentences. Yeah.

Like, even the last sentence in a text. I do it too. I try to. Yeah. Yeah. But I guess some people don't put periods. Well, you put old. There's usually a little smile.

Smiley face. Yeah. It says smiley face. Do you, do you leave like the dash dash dad? At the end of every statement. My mom, bro, my mom used to have one that said Team Edward on it. So, and I had a joke about this, but she texted me, my grandpa had a stroke. And then underneath it said Team Edward.

And I go, I go, you got to be changing that. That cannot. Text. It had a squiggle, Team Edward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Through thick and thin? Yeah. Text, man, text signature.

I used to work with this guy when I did construction. Yeah. His text signature was fight till my heart's black and blue. Good God, yeah. So, but he would be like, hey, is Don the painter there? Fight till my heart's blackened room. All or nothing, dude. Hey, should I get some McDonald's on the way back from the hardware store?

Fight till my heart's blacking room. And it was like, Casey, you got to. Yeah. I know. Well, he stops taking those situations seriously. That's how you start. Where does it end? Also, what do you mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Means he's going to handle shit. No, that's not, this guy was not handling anything. Sounds like he's. He worked with me. Yeah. Sounds like he thought different.

We called our boss Dirt McGirt. Like he wasn't... He called him Dirt McGirt? Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. Yeah. But going back to your original, I do miss when it was like, man, like,

like, I don't even have the time to buy a watch. You know what I was like? There's more whimsy to our than what we are. Yeah. Yeah, it was like, it felt like it was based in being clever a lot more. And that's like really fun. I think that's like an exciting. That, that there's like thought into it

where it seems like, it feels now it's more base. and being like kind of like understated. Yeah. Like the way people talk feels like it's like less. Yeah. They want to seem slower a little bit. And maybe there's, I don't know. Well, we got less time than a sausage

to a dog part. All right. So we got to keep going. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go ahead and ask you to make the third thing. Okay. Can we make that a thing? Is that our old friend?

Third big, just let me warm up. Yeah, that's good. His kids don't warm up. I'll tell you that. Nobody warms up. Nobody warms up. Run a couple ladders are up like before we play. Yeah.

I even like just stretching just like in the morning and shit. I never used to do that. Oh, I got to stretch my hammies out every morning. Otherwise my back kind of tightens up. I got a slant board. Yeah. I got to stretch more, but this is really inspiring. A lot of it feels so amazing to just get up and like, ah.

Usually my whole thing when I did mushrooms, but I used to stretch for like the first 45 minutes of the mushroom trip. Oh, that's smart. But I need to like, I wasn't on. wasn't intentional or anything. It was just like, you could tell it was on mushrooms because I was stretching. Yeah. Will's fry an egg on that guy.

What does he see? He's doing a sumo squat. Well, he's out there doing the splits, but he thinks he's in the water. Yeah, just let me warm up. It's good. Yeah. Sean? That's how they get you.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true, too. It is how they get you. A new roof is 20 grand. That's how they get you. That is how they get you. Is that how they get you? I thought everything's more expensive than I thought.

But that's how they get you would be a thing in the roof. You want to hear this? Wedding venue insurance. That's how they get you. That's how they get you. That's how they get you. That's how they got me. You're fine.

You're saying. That's how they got me. Flowers is how they get you? Yes. I got into it about venue insurance. And Laura had to put her hand on my shoulder. And I go, all right, all right, all right. All right, we'll get the insurance.

Because they fucking know you're going to give it to. They have to, you have to. Because you're trying to come in with the energy of like, listen, if it was up to me, we'd be in the backyard. You're lucky I'm moving over here. But they know that she's... They've seen everything before. They also know she's in it too.

Yeah. I'll tell you this, I didn't pay one dime for that wedding and I was still. That's how they get you. But you know that like... Well, let me tell you this. You know when something's a rip. Yeah, right, yeah. Because that's not my situation.

Even not paying that you know things are a rip-off. Oh, I get it. And that still gets me. I'm like, even if I don't pay for it, you're charging my father much much. Oh, my God. And that upsets me. So I'm here the other night. I got put up at a hotel.

One of those hotels on Hollywood and Highland, that you're like, who stays here? Yeah, yeah. So I go in, rooms paid for, and he goes, all right, $200 incidentals. $165 is coming back to you because of the convenience fee. And I go, what are you talking about? And then you can imagine where it goes. Yeah, of course. And I go, the room's covered.

And he's like, well, this is a convenience fee. I can't stop myself. He just says it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't say that and expect you and understand. Did you end up paying it? I did. Yeah.

Fuck that. There's no getting out of it. That is. Hotels? Trust me. I had to, because I didn't. Hotel everybody. It wasn't the 35 bucks.

It was the principle of, and it was that I was getting gotten. There was nothing I could do about it. Hotels get you, ever since pandemic, hotels are. Oh, they'll get you up. Yeah. Well, they lost that much money. Every which way of a loose. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. This is an old show right here. I like, I like what's happening. But see, then they go too far with it. That's how they get you. Because then they're like paying taxes, that's how they get you. Yeah.

Right. No, I think I have to do that. That's how we get schools. And the bay gets very, like. I'm packing up the car like I like to see them come find me in the woods with my guns and my dog. That's how they get you. How do you get so many restaurants in this neighborhood? My third pick, I'm going to take.

That dog won't hunt. Oh, man. Yeah, that's a old guy for sure. It is such a good one. It's a great. It's a little southern. It's a little southern. It's really, like, but it speaks to the south is everywhere that is 15 miles outside of a city.

Yeah, 100%. When you find that southern accent anywhere in the country. Like Oregon. My guys are going to wear cowboy hats to weddings everywhere. Everywhere. Like outside of Beaverton, you know, even like the, like people who went to my high school where that dog won't hunt, driving big. Really, yeah.

Because they lived in, you know, they lived like out towards the country more. Yeah. You get out towards Forest Grove. You're in flat farmland. Also, the suburbs turns into the country, the older that you get. You're from a cool city. Yeah, yeah. So it's maybe different.

But like, we had a cornfield at the end of my street. It's like all these kids that you knew in high school who had Sean John sweatsuits, now all of a sudden have never not been into country music. See, I've seen that only as an adult though. Because even we'll be, I'm from Chicago and then I went to an all black school. So nobody's in the country. But as an adult, I watched the phase of 22-year-old comedian talking about rap music leading to the country music. Like the post-Malone route, the jelly roll route, where it's like, what happened?

It's really interesting, too, because you see it where you're like, as a kid, I didn't know that that was how it worked. I didn't either. I had no clue. For those of you who don't know. Maybe you didn't. We've talked about this. For those of you who don't know, look up. Jelly Roll, go look up what Jelly Roll

was doing 20 years ago. 10 years ago. He had braids. It is. Yeah. Yeah. It is crazy. When you hear the rap. It's wild. I think the first, it was like, Kid Rock felt like the first generation of rap to country. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I feel like Kid Rock was further away

from rap. He was at least metal rap. Yeah. You know what I mean? Jelly Roll was a rap. I don't know the old music rap. Well, Kid Rock in Detroit was like a hip hop DJ. Right. Right. So it's like, and we knew that In the Midwest, I think, more than a lot. Because it was like, Eminem and Kid Rock were the white dudes.

Right, right, right, right. Where you were like, oh, those are, like, they got hip hop in Detroit. They got Kid Rock and Eminem. Right, right, right. And you say Kid Rock first, which is crazy. But then, like, kid rock in that first album. Catch me at the Kid Rock concert or whatever. Yeah, because they were like doing shit for real.

And they would come to her Chicago sometimes too. And you'd be like, Kid Rock's a dope rapper. And then Ball with the ball came out. You're like, I don't know what this is, but it's like kind of rap, I guess. Yeah, that is, it is crazy. It is just crazy to see that, like, transition where yeah okay I like ba-with-a-ba a lot

I have to be honest yeah it's a great song it's rules we talked about this speaking directly to me and my experience yeah yeah my experience screams

ball with the ball I was a ball with the bar yeah when I used to ball to ball with my paw I've been trying to bang the dang dingy this whole high school career seeing

new white people dance that is funny god those you could tell it that whatever that was I always saw clips. Insane. You don't like this?

Yeah, for sure. They don't know that song. You don't know the song either because it's 40 years old. They were old when that came out. Exactly. This song is, you hated it when it came out, I'm sure. And I'm glad that you have to pretend you like Crid Rock's music forever. Besides Picture, that's a good song.

Because he said a few things that you liked. And now you're like, I guess I'm a fan. It's like, you're not still. Also, that one about whiskey out the bottle. I kind of like that one. I do too. I say it all the time. They cover a Sweet Home Alabama

A Sweet home Alabama beat Oh, Wherewell's the London Yeah, where wills the London? Because I like I like really corny music I've found Yeah, I like it depends Yeah I mean a lot of it

I'm like if it's super corny Like it's clearly packaged for everybody Yeah I'll consume some of that yeah I do now with a kid I guess Who like has her own agency at this age Yeah right Because I was like concerned

That my music made me interesting I didn't feel that way Mine's never No yeah I mean I still am kind of in that face sometimes But I was I was super like No I'm just like Lupe Fiesta Yeah yeah me too

I came back I'm back to that We're just similar guy Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah That's why I love this music so much I'm like that now but with Boldie James Okay I get that Griselda

Even though I'm like I have nothing in common I'm not like Grisela In any way yeah guys. I don't even want to go to Buffalo. I tell stories. Yeah, I don't want to go to Buffalo. I'll tell you a good story and I like slow hip-hop beats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Joe Perez is as close as I'm getting to Buffalo now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like it when guys have interesting faces. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My fourth pick, I'm going to take, oh, for goodness sake. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I say that sometimes still to Max. I do love it. You say old shit. You say old shit. I like hanging on to some of those. And I don't mean because you're old, I mean because you just like, like when you say like cheese and rice. Yeah. I don't think you like came from a time where you're like cheese and rice.

Yeah, yeah. You really want to make it a burrito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it trying not to curse? A lot of times around the kid, but I've also found it works and stand up if you, if you say shit like that. It's way better than swearing. Cheese and rice predates your fatherhood. Yeah.

Yeah, it does. It does. Yeah. I mean just Midwestern, Holy Bucketts, all that stuff. For sure. Yeah. Is Holy Bucket's Midwestern? Holy Cow.

Holy Cow. Holy Bucket. Jiminy crickets. I never got into Jiminy Crickets I see Jimmy Cricket a lot Because I want to say what the fuck Instead my daughter here's Jimmy Cricket Yeah Jimmy Crickets

That guy cut me off Yeah yeah yeah yeah Oh for goodness sake can be delivered lovingly Like oh for goodness Yeah you can also get a guy who whips it out Like like oh for goodness sake Like that I've seen you in the last few years

Handful of years That'll take the place of maybe some choice phrases That would have been in there earlier Which is nice You get cut off you're like oh for goodness sake. Oh, God damn you the hell. Remember what people used to say, damn you?

Yeah. Damn you? They'd say it on TV and say it on TV instead. Damn you. Yeah. Remember when that dude's, the preacher said, God damn America. And then Obama was like under so much... Not John, bless it, man. Yeah, they were like, Obama's got to get out of here. He's from Chicago. He's from Chicago. Yeah. He was like, God damn.

America. And everybody's like him for coming home to roofs. Yeah, yeah. And now it's like everybody says it. Sean, time for your fourth bet. I'm probably just a little chauvinistic but it's always but don't get your panties in a bunch Oh yeah That is an old person one for sure There's a guy version of it isn't there

Don't get your boxes in a bunch I don't know Not to the tits Don't put your nuts and a vice I don't know maybe Nuts and a twist Don't stick your dick into your belly button Why not?

How else do I had the heart on in seventh grade man Six to Midnight That was one of the funniest things It's super bad where you're like I get it I don't think the young girls get it. If any young girl watched that movie. That was not for that.

Young girl watched that by a mistake. I just went from 60 midnight. That was, yeah. Yeah, don't get your candies in a bunch. That's 21. That's David. Jesus H. Christ. Yeah, that's a good one.

Do we ever figure out what H was? No, I don't think so. It just was like, you just don't. I don't hear people say even like Jesus. Like younger. Jesus. Yeah, they just haven't believed. They've grown up godless.

That's why. Yeah. Not enough stuff is happening to elicit that. Yeah. Not enough stuff. It's happened to young people. Well, I mean, young people have been going through tough stuff, but like something that would listen to Jesus Christ is like, you leased the wrong car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.

You know, and somebody backed into it. And you're like, God, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. The young person doesn't know that exact frustration. That's true. Even not being religious, the underlying tone of that on what that could mean if I were religious always used to freak me out. Like, I never really said Jesus Christ because I'm like, I. Like the gravity of it?

You know? Yeah. He is because I'm like, if I say fuck you, it's different because he doesn't care. I think to say Jesus, age Christ, you have to have lived through at least 15 flight cancellation. Yeah, Jesus H. Christ. Delays. It is kind of a throwaway too like that. Like Jesus age Christ.

Yeah, as you're walking away. Jesus. Yeah. Or you can't say these incompetent stupid fucks at the airline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say Jesus Christ. It would be impossible for me. to yell at the kind of person who's responsible

for this. But so many poor people in between me and them. Yes. This guy doesn't deserve it, but yeah. Yeah. Like this guy deserves it. His boss probably doesn't even deserve it. Probably not even him.

I can't get a hold of the guy who's fault this is. The guy who's on a fucking golf course right now needs this. I know, like, and I know we're in but in Netflix, did you ever have anyone call in and say, let me get the CEO on the phone? You know, where people will be like, I want to talk to the boss's boss's boss. I can't. That, yeah.

I don't think I knew it was like, let me get Reed Hastings. Give me Sarandos right now You're like, it just can't happen You gotta talk to me I have a boss yes But that's as far as you're getting Right And they're gonna say

Well, I'll write a formal complaint To my boss Yeah Yeah Never a good person to complain about Yeah Yeah They're never gonna

No, it's set up like that Yeah, it is yeah They don't want it to Will, time for your fourth And then your final Okay, my fourth and final All right I want to do

Watch Out There now Oh yeah That is a Jay Anthony Brown He's on the Tom Jordan morning show You used to have a segment Watch out there now Watch out there now.

And it was this whole, like, stand-up when I would watch the stand-up on comedy jam when I was a kid. Watch out there now, that was the whole thing. It is like, it's such a good phrase. And now that I'm older, it's like, you'll see a playground full of kids and like, maybe a bike is like coming in the lane. Watch out there now. You're like, dog. For real. It's like such a phrase I use.

Some of these kids at these playgrounds are fucking running amok. They're nuts. They're nuts. Where are the parents? That's on their phone. See, now I'm gonna sound old as hell. They are on their phone. Man, it's true, yeah.

I will go look at, I will go look at what they're looking at. I'll speak around by me. Yeah, right, yeah. Woo! That's old as fuck, yeah. I will, I've gotten so close to being like, what's on Facebook right now. You know, where I'll see what they're looking at.

I'm like, you're not answering an email. Bro, you get me going. And I get the downtime you need. Yes. Get your downtime, sure. For days, yes. If you, you know, you know, if your kid is a menace. Yeah, that's the thing.

Yeah, that's the thing. That makes sense. I never thought about that, but of course you wouldn't know. Yeah. And I know that you don't want your kid to be doing this stuff. I get it. Like, no parent wants, well, with the exception of a few, no parent wants their kid to be raising hell. But if you know they're doing that, keep a little high on them.

Yeah. You know, you know he's poking somebody. Sorry. You know it's stressful. Your kid's the poker. Your kids are the poker. Go watch what he's doing for a second. Because I don't want to have to step in.

I don't really know how to appropriately handle that situation. The kids get in the way of the swings? Holy cow. That's one that blows me away. I'm like, they would have got smoke like a pack of cools if they got hit by a 60-pound kid coming down the swing. Anyway, or an adult, I swing.

They fuck around. Jesus age crime. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes they fuck around and get my wife too. And like, they're not watching the kid. It's like, hey, buddy, I'm, you want me. You want to be talking to me. Your kids, smoke with my kid, you want me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got my wife that's over for me. I'm sorry, I'll be in the car. I'll be in the car at this point. I'm going to leave probably after this. Yeah, yeah. That's his dad's on his way over. trust me when I say

he's like me kind of too yeah we're like we're like the dad the chill dads you know yeah that's why we get along honestly and will your final pick is no this is very specific to me but my dad used to always say you my nigger if you don't get no bigger

if you do you'll be my bigger nigga I think it's from an old song I think it's from an old song but it's like it may be like a slide in the family stone intro I don't know Sean scratches out another one. I'm thinking about how the recap's going to go. It's why I made it my last pick. I was like, if you need somebody else to step in and say the recap, me or Dave, David right here.

My name is wine. David, your final pick. Fine is May wine. Ooh. May wine, yeah. Nobody ever talks about how, there's no good ways to say somebody's beautiful anymore. I know. I know.

It's tough. You're right, because it feels like you're. crossing a line. I don't even mean that. I just mean there's not like, it just doesn't feel like there's anything like that in the... You don't feel like calling someone gorge?

Gorge. That's what I mean. Fuck that. Yeah, I'm not saying gorge. Not even the whole word. Gorge. I want you to describe a thing that's fine. I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Absolutely. And then you don't want to go the other side where you just go, damn, bitch. And that's what, that's why May wine is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was actually my last one was damn. He used to work My dad, you say this too I'll dot your eyes and cross your teas You say that That sounds like serious That's a funny one I'll dot your eyes across your tease

I do If I was in the right mad situation I could see myself saying that Followed by getting laughed at I'm sure You're shaking up your teeth with broken fingers My friend That is He never said that to me thank God

No I also think cursing's okay with kids right Because like my dad you said that Even when I was like six And so it's like I think it's like because my daughter says I have a potty mouth now and I'm like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I probably do have a potty mouth,

but it's like my thing is like, you can say it at home, just don't like, because she listens to Lola Young. She has that song, messy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'm too fucking clean and all that shit. And I hate the fucking lot.

And she's always like saying the song. Yeah. And it's like, obviously you can't say fucking, but I laugh so much that she's like, it's reinforcing that it's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's two comedians, kids. so it's like she's going to go for the laugh.

I know. So she says it all the time and it's hilarious, but I'm like, look, grandma's any outside world, don't say these words around them. I don't want to get talked to. Yeah, because that's coming right back to me. Yeah, exactly.

Character counts, you know what I mean? Not like, lay word choice and everything. Yeah. And I'm like, my dad cursed so much, I knew when to curse still. Yeah. Right. Around friends at school.

And it's like, you gotta let kids be like, kids are smart enough to know. They all know. They all know. They all know. If they're doing it a bad time, it's because they were pushing.

of boundary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You knew. You knew. My final pick is going to be, this is just sort of, you can throw this on

to any sentence where you're talking to a younger person and it's Buster Brown. Oh, yeah. That is old. Because who is my lawn? Buster Brown? You watch your mouth Buster Brown.

It was a cartoon. It was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a news. It was a newspaper comic. Oh, okay. Buster Brown says Buster Brown. Yeah. Buster Brown.

That's adorable. Says it to Arthur a lot. What are you? doing Buster Brown. That's good. It's cute. That's cute. Isaac, do you have one? Well, with the economy I feel like older people really love to think and talk about the

economy. I mean, it's fair. I've started to... I mean, with the economy the way it is, I mean, what are you going to do? I mean, but the APR isn't where we'd like to get up. Somebody... What with the vastness? The rising tariffs and the interest rates? I mean, come on. You can get Donnie Boom Boom to focus and lower the APR. That'd be nice. God's sick. Do you think Buster Brown led to Mark Buster?

Who's Mark Buster? Like when L.A. people used to be like Oh, Markass Buster? I don't know where. Because L.A. people talk crazy compared to people. True. People. You know what I mean? Normal people?

Yeah. L.A. Slan. J.K. L.A. specific slang. Yeah. Isaac, how do you explain it? You're from here. We're better than you.

Wow. Okay, cool. Mark Buster's probably old as fuck to you. Yeah. Yeah, do you? Yeah, he didn't grow up with Mark Buster. I don't know what that is. Yeah.

You think it's a guy. You know Buster's barbecue? Buster? Oh, Buster barbecue Buster Barbecue. That's where it's at. Will, you went first. You took you know what I'm saying? Jack, colder than a witch is titty in a brass bra. Watch out there now. And the fifth one. Let me.

And the fifth one. David, you went second. I'm trying to get like you. Menmo, me. I want to get the points. Just let me warm up. Jesus says Christ and fine as may wine. Sean, you took nowadays. I'm just going to do a voice to text.

That's how they get you. Don't get your panties in a bunch and I'll dot your eyes and cross your teas. I went last and I took weather's coming. Oh, you needed it. That dog won't hunt. Oh, for goodness sake. And Buster Brown. It's good.

We're also one's on the board. Eyes on the road. Oh, man. Yeah, that's like slow down. Any of those. Hey, good looking what you got cooking. I didn't bring in this world, but I'll take you out. That's a good one.

Do I look like Boo Boo Boo Boo the Fool? Who is Boo Boo Boo Boo the fool? I don't know. Is he a clown? Not part of my culture, but I have wondered from afar. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Who is this Boo Boo the Fool? Do they have a Boo Boo the Fool show they all watch?

I could have thought that it was. I know. We kept it a secret feature. It was just on WGN. Yeah, right, yeah. It comes on after Bozo. You got to watch for Boo Boo Boo Boo to Fool. Was Bozo in Chicago?

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Bozo? I didn't know. I didn't realize everyone got WGN until I went to college. Oh, yeah. I was thinking about Luzo. I didn't know.

I mean, obviously we've gone too long, but like... No. As a black American, the first time you hear like an African, you're like, is he joking around? You're like, I've only seen black Americans speak and they sound like... And then you're like, what is like... It's usually someone's dad and you're like,

yo, is your dad like being funny? Like, what is this? That's so funny. They make black immigrants? Like, I didn't know that. That's so funny. Because I've never not known African people. Right, I know.

We used to have African Americans. at our house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Careful. I forget when the age I remember, because, like, I do it. My dad's friend named Kofi was like, no, you can chime in.

I have, I got listening ears on. But Kofi had that accent, and you're like, oh, yeah, Kofi's like, he's like, oh, he's Nigerian. It's like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I get that now, but like, without explanation, this is nuts. It is crazy because as a kid especially, there were a lot of kids,

black kids, where they didn't know any Africans. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Like, at all. Like, at all. At all. But then I think about how insular the Africans were.

Yeah, yeah. Where it was like, it's getting better, but it was like, we were not mixed together. Especially when I was like really young, it was like my mom was in a Sierra Leone association.

So it was like parties together, like people go on vacations together and shit. And I think about, like my sisters don't have American friends. Right. Really? Not really. Yeah, yeah.

Like my one sister, she just knows all the African people in Sacramento in San Jose. That's like, you know what I mean? Like they don't really. Yeah. So it's like it is very separate still. I think in bigger cities, like in New York. Yeah, New York. In New York, you'll meet a lot of Africans who are like super integrated, DC.

But even there. But like, yeah, it's not, it's very separate. I've long admired Nelson Mandela. Great, great thing to say. He and I's our necks are both about to break when we're Yeah

Yeah I do not think he died in prison My neck sore I was using this muscle I used to To me the Mandela effect is

Is affecting positive change Into a single In a tranquil environment Yeah I hope to one day Visit Robin Island That's proper respect My proper's if you will

But comedy wise I feel like The comedy that Had African voices I couldn't watch early age So it is like It is alarming

Yeah. That's really funny. We want to hear your thoughts on the African Diaspora experience. Hit us out of all fantasy fire. The one's tuning in because they saw the thumbnail. Shout to everyone on the AFP Patreon, where you can get bonus episodes, mailbags, this or that, auction drafts, all sorts of live episodes,

all sorts of extra stuff on there. If you enjoy this, you're going to love that. Shout out to our wonderful producer, Isaac Lee, on The Ons and Toot. Yeah. Shout to the AFE subreddit. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout to Frankiosia. Shat to Sid the Dude.

Shut to Goddh. It's more important than all on that. Tune to get next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything. Chicago. That was a Hidgum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan.

And we host the podcast. That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show This Is Us. That's right. going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.