All Fantasy Everything - Onomatopoeias (w/ David Gborie & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

Whoosh, it's a new AFE clanging and banging in your ears. Get it? All of those are onomatopoeias. I'm not 100% sure I spelled that right. Lay off, okay? YOU try spelling it right, Einstein.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting onomatopoeias. And Marissa put a pronunciation guide for how to say onomatopoeia in this doc like I wasn't a talented and gifted student all through grade school. That's because I can't pronounce it. It's more of a note for me. All through grade school, Marissa. Tag Bethany Elementary.

Look it up. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and I'm joined as always by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey, and super producer Marissa. Let's get into it. Yeah, I'll get made fun of a lot on this episode. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is drinking a Guava Sao Paulo. Oh. La Croix.

I like them now. I didn't always like them. I like them. You didn't like La Croix? No. No. What was there not to like? When you would fucking house like seven a day, eight a day, I just would look at you.

I thought it was so gross. But you still do. Those days, that's like when Beyonce was putting out good music. It's still happening, dude. i like them now yeah that's my problem is i run through them too fast i drink like if i left my own devices and i'm just like at home for most of the day i'm gonna drink like 10 of those are they not bad for you like if you drink no and it's fine i don't think it's great for your the enamel on your teeth it's not perfect for your teeth but it's bubbly water but like health-wise i don't think it's

what are you worried that like your gut's gonna explode i don't even let it touch my teeth dude i drink it like a pelican like that dude bypass god have you ever run into a pelican in real life yeah that's weird i hate it i hate them i hate them here you go there's no such thing well i shouldn't say this a seagull is not like an actual kind of bird it's just what you call a bird by the sea it's a gull who lives by the sea but it's not like a pelican or something a seagull is not its own thing does that make sense am i saying that right what is it then because i've definitely they're all different kinds of gulls they have different names you mean like new yorkers are

like all different types of races and ethnicities yes yes that's what i mean it's a cultural so seagulls are cultural melting pots yeah exactly i didn't know that until the queen dropped that on me uh a week ago or something she would know she's a that's her that's her uh area of expertise that's her one of many tell me if i'm using this right tell me if i'm using this right that's her milieu yeah that's her milieu i'll tell you this john i don't i don't i don't on a sunday morning when we're recording it's a sunday morning look at that bird dude look at that that looks like like me. That's what I look like when I rap. That's my rap face.

That's what I look like when I barfed at the roost that one time. I'll tell you, on a Sunday morning when we're recording, I'm less interested in seagulls and more interested in an everything bagel. Got him. Got him. Fairly anti-Semitic. I'm just say it did you missed it you missed him by a week but shane torres did genius mind the thought of that joke was was right next to us on stage last saturday they should cost more doing shane was doing that whole thing about well david and i really partied hard last night and i don't know if i'm gonna be able to hang too hard tonight and i was like you say whatever you want man he does it he'll do that

thing and then before i know it i look over and his eyes are just as closed as mine and i'm like all right so he always does he gives himself his own personal willis reed game where he's like i'm not coming i can't play i don't know if i'm gonna make it and he always does i bet you make it he makes it might not be amazing on sunday but you'll make it sean you almost made it out of there with that pizza you tried to not let anybody know about i did make it out of there with that pizza and i ate a whole pizza and everybody's like sean what's up with that and he's all like what are you talking about and everyone's like give me people were trying to get at the pizza and sean's like i don't know man i'm just going home i ate the whole thing in the hotel marissa and isaac have a video of me

eating or marissa does i think of me taking a bite of two pieces at once i think so as to get my germs on them especially nobody would get any of the pizza especially in this time it's like you get your germs on something like that would have stopped us at that hour yeah i just it was the least smooth tried he's tried to be smooth it was not smooth can't imagine anything was smooth after crunchy peanut butter is delicious too that's all i'm gonna say we can't be smooth all the time when we're doing these live shows we've never done two in a night which i realized i don't know if you guys realize that we've never we've done two in the daytime once in Minneapolis. We've never done two.

And that was rough. Oh, God, that's right. That was tough. I went to the hotel after that. I bailed on a meeting with Mary Rae. I went to the hotel, and I could not sleep because my body was so out of whack. I could not go to sleep until like 5 in the morning. That whole Minneapolis, that whole trip was nuts.

There are whole off the mic yeah yeah things to be said about two in a night so i think i was talking to laura about this like i think i used up every ounce of gas just to get to the uh tune in again next week on the second show and then right after that i was like all right all right gone autopilot that whole night was like when you like pre-pay for the full tank on the you know what i mean on the rental car i'm like i'm trying to get it back there on e and i did we yeah so for those of you listening we did our last week you you heard it it was our last episode but we were we did two shows live in portland thank you from the bottom

of our hearts to everyone who came out it was amazing those shows they were they were so much fun they were a blast shout out to mississippi studios for keeping everything safe they had like a testing truck right out front that was amazing dude i felt so good because you know i was nervous i was nervous just the whole thing it's the first time I've been a part of that since COVID. And it made me feel like either proof of X or negative test with a testing facility on site made me feel great. And there's like, it was the thing.

Everybody just wear a mask. Also all those Jaeger bombs made you feel great. I can't. The first time we got one, they looked at us like, they looked at us like whatever dorks. And I embraced it. I was like,

I know, I know I'm sorry, but it's like these dorks sold out the theater twice over there so these dorks can have a freaking jaeger bomb if they want because these dorks are in a pretty goddamn good mood yeah honestly let's say that dork you pushed it on the rest of us oh yeah i'm sorry it was so hard to get you to do it too you're right i'm saying i would rather just drink regular than drinking bombs all the time you're you're a grown-up you made your choice i watched you make your choice by nodding your head in agreeance with a jaeger bomb every time because every time it's like sean's like i love you round of jaeger bombs this is an emotional manipulation i'm so glad that you get to be around me friend of jaeger bombs this is so awesome let's toast this occasion. Ian, I'm so glad that you're getting married.

Round of Jager bombs. Garcon. Garcon. Heavy on the bomb this time, please. And he's like, my name is Carson. Stop doing that. Garcon. You know those two substances you've been avoiding for the last year?

Let's get the worst version of both of them in your system at the same time. I loved them i got what what the brits call uh this is cordon is referred to it as this the flavor which is wait why isn't this come up before i don't know it's such a good term it's like i those nights when you get the flavor when you like have a drink or two and then it's called getting the flavor where you're like uh-oh either i go home right now or this is like it's on like michelle kwan dude it's on like michelle kwan this whole town's gonna taste the flavor and call me lily hammer dude because it was on like michelle kwan dude it was it was fucking it was fun it's so overwhelming it was it was it was a whole there's a whole mess of things like you have to be on let me let me try to scatter the blame it was a whole mess of things no it wasn't but it's like you got to be on the whole time and uh i don't know you just get i personally get in

way too good of a mood which can happen some people don't think that can happen i get way too psyched and then i just don't know what to do. Then I have no control over what I'm doing. I'm just so excited. It was just beautiful. There were so many bad people. Yeah, I don't think it was nuts. No, it wasn't. I'm just joking.

Dana had never really partied with us before altogether. So that was really fun. Oh, my God. Shout out to Nicholas Nampay was there, dude. It was just beautiful. Yeah, Isaac was there. Isaac Hagertoff. You know what was fun?

The engagement party. I'll tell you that. Oh, yeah. I love so much i love to meet parents i am and i'll toot my own horn i'm one of the best parent meters you're ever gonna find your grand meeting parents because you're but that's you it's not like you're putting on airs it's just you being you man it's just so fun that party was real fun by the way that was a that was a real life was real fun grown up we did it look at us kind of thing i was so it was such a little bit of smoking weed on the porch

what i honestly wasn't there is michael schwartz if you're listening i was not smoking weed on the porch oh oh hey no oh yeah ian was not i actually actually wasn't. Yeah. No, you weren't. Neither was Sean. Maybe some other people were there. Who knows? Chinese Jamal. Was Chinese Jamal there? Chinese Jamal was there. You know, some people were there.

The Bolivian bobsled team. Yeah. It was fun, man. It was really fun. It was a real fun weekend. I was super stoked. What a great house. Oh, my God.

My sister's house is amazing, isn't it? Yeah. That's a great, great. I love a corner lot. That's a hosting great house. Oh my God. My sister's house is amazing. Isn't it? That's a great, great. I love a corner. That's a hosting people house. That's a hosting people house. Yeah, for sure. I got to stay there in Portland. You such a lovely house.

Oh yeah. Marissa, you stayed for like a week, right? Yeah. Thank you. Jessica Braylock. Shout out to her, man. There's two lovely dogs, a cat, like five chickens. There's so many animals there.

I loved it. It's bucolic suburban living out there in Milwaukee, Oregon. Marissa runs this town now. She was here. She was all over the place. I had lunch there on Alberta at like noon or something on Sunday. She was like, yeah, I'm just going to kill time till like eight. Just being out and about in the city. It's good. You can kill time in Portland till eight in the summertime. Come on. It's funny. She was asking what to do. I was like, you don't drink so it's I don't know what to tell you, where to tell you to go

kill time. It was nice. Shane Torres and I had just like a lovely walk around Portland and then he helped me find a Starbucks that I could kill some time at. And then I saw Zach Toscani perform at the Helium Comedy Club and he's my first time there and I had a great time.

Oh, yeah. So it's Nick, the manager, who hooked me up, I guess. Was it Nick? Nick, yeah. Yeah, Nick, the manager at Helium. Shout out to Nick. Yeah, he covered my bill, and so I was like, oh. Aw.

Shout out to Harris. He's a sweetheart. Absolute, absolute sweetheart. Soon to join us in Los Angeles. Just a beautiful weekend over. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel for cooking her tuchus off. That was insane. I sent Laura some pictures and she asked who catered it.

And I was like, I'm pretty sure Sue and Tony just cooked. They cooked? I think. There was like three cheesecakes. Yeah, my mom made three cheesecakes. There was brisket. It looked catered. It looked like a restaurant.

It did look catered. The sheer amount of it was like something I would think was catered. That's a Sue Carmel experience. And Tony cooks meat like the Dickens. He's awesome. I like that dude a lot. He's great. He's a great guy.

A fantastic cheese board. Great dude. Yeah. And that cheese board, also a great dude. Oh, dude, you want to hear some sneaky? So I was loading up a dessert plate for the queen to take home. And Sue, I was like, let me get those cheesecakes. And she goes,

all right, this one's coffee flavored. Then I was like, she doesn't like coffee, but throw it on there. And I haven't said this till now, but I was in my mind, I'll get home and be like, oh, crap. I guess I gotta eat that one. But I totally got this whole plate for you. But I knew. I knew it was coffee. I did it for me. I believe it. Did she not eat it? Did you did you end up eating it i ended up eating it she got the rest of it she

got like three pieces of cheesecake but you could have brought yourself home an additional plate there was not there was no shortage of food yeah yeah i could have like i'm trying there's never been an event put together by sue carmel where we ran out of food that has never happened i'm trying i'm getting i'm getting in this part now of like kind of loosely figuring out how we navigate having a child and so now i wasn't eating a lot in the beginning because you just you just i didn't have time now i'm getting into it and now i eat i'm starting to eat too much i'm starting to eat because i'm bored at night because then i have the night shift so every time i go in the kitchen at night, I just, I, I get peckish and I'll eat like loose lunch meat or like cracker. But every time I go in there,

I'm just eating like a little raccoon. And, uh, yeah. And I got to stop doing that. You know what helps with those moments? What? I don't know.

Oh, what? Adderall. Adderall. Snorting Adderall. It would be something, a nice non caffeinated, something to sip on at night that made me feel like i was it's really do you just want that feeling of whatever it is in your

brain that you did that that reward that you get for eating a chip or whatever i went to a bar the other day and they have like a it's like a drink for that like it's supposed to taste like a cocktail but it doesn't have any alcohol i get why people get like na stuff now it's like a drink for that like it's supposed to taste like a cocktail but it doesn't have any alcohol in it i get why people get like na stuff now it's kind of like if i go out and i'm not gonna going out with people who are drinking if you're not is the worst it is the worst i do not like doing it but if i had to do it for some reason i would now i'd be like yeah let me get an NA beer, I guess. Just so, I don't know. I don't really hate it, to be honest. I don't like a barbecue. Great.

But going to a bar? Uh-uh. No. I cannot stand it. For tons of reasons, but I don't like it. That's Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. It's Sunday, but this bank stays open.

Take it there. You know what I'm talking about? It stays open. The second episode that we recorded, we did two in a row. The second one was very drunk and will probably be available on Patreon. Yeah.

We can probably put it on Patreon, Mars, right? Patreon. It's a Patreon episode for sure. At lunch, I was like, well, we'll see what's up and and everyone's everyone's like we'll throw out a patreon you should that would be the move and i was like oh well we'll see you know whatever you want to do it was never gonna not be that yeah i thought it was fine but yeah i get it it was fun it just got really really wacky

i don't yeah i don't remember the end of it in a big way i do there's a lot of seat shuffling okay yeah maybe a joker shirt ended up in the crowd somewhere yeah yeah dude when i got that joker shirt made now that i've now that i was so i called so many stores in portland and the this was the conversation i called every hot topic every store of that ilk in town and i was like hi do you have any joker t-shirts that was it every time i called and nobody laughed nobody said what nothing like that everybody was like i'm so sorry sir what well because to me that's an insane question but they were just like i'm so sorry sir we're out right now um the dc a lot it was a lot of like i'm so sorry sir we're out right now um the

dc a lot it was a lot of this like the dc universe is very popular right now and i was just like are you fucking kidding me i can't find a joker you're calling costco asking about hot dogs it's like it's it's a hand in glove situation that's true i had to have one made i could i can't believe i couldn't find a joker t-shirt i swear to god it took you this long to make a custom joker yeah i can't believe you didn't have one already every time i'm in a target or something i swear to god there's a joker shirt maybe i'm just making that up but yeah i think that's wishful thinking i had to have one made and then the one i had made was perfect it was twisted it was a crazy color real twisted it was a joker ass color man bright yellow

or something do you have anything do you have anything to promote anything to declare i have a show two shows in seattle december 5th that's a very long ways away and sioux falls november 18th i believe more details to come but if you live in those cities mark off the dates sioux falls november 18th something like that november 18th or 19th you're going home for like a day yeah just a day just a day yeah i think i think i'm going out with kyle for some dates so sioux falls like just weaseled its way in there like it does sometimes yeah and i saw it and i was like i can't help but notice you're going to my town and uh so let me tag along for a few days so i think that's happening in november but i'll have more details other than that just you know watch the

late late show with james corden listen all the time see everything eddie is being a scamp right next to me and beetlejuice is watching on like he's like you know ian's trying to record and she just keeps scamping around can you hear her scamping around no all right good she's being a fucking scamp dude you gotta pull up that scamp tamp tamp it down she's scamp is here scamper van beethoven that was muhammad ali right the uh i just know it from a rap sample but that's what he did that right famously yeah okay his mama his mama called him cash it's but yeah muhammad ali yeah yeah champ is here anyway the champ is here will smith's

muhammad ali shrimp scampi's here scampi's here oh man red lobster get at us yeah i miss me with that well miss you with what shrimp scampiampi? Red lobster. Don't like it. I don't like seafood. I've never been to Red Lobster, so I can't comment. The Cheddar Bay Biscuits alone would keep you hooked. Yeah, those are the only thing I would eat there. Well, they had chicken strips. I've been there a few times.

That was like fine dining. Do they have a coconut shrimp? I know you don't like shrimp, but I imagine they have a lot of kinds of shrimp. Yeah, don't they have like shrimp month or something? Yeah, I feel like it should be red shrimp. Yeah. They only got the one kind of lobster. I don't think I've ever seen anybody get lobster there.

Yeah, that would be weird to get lobster or red lobster. Yeah, like, whoa. That's why I make my lobsters at home. It's like you're wearing a wire or something. If you just go in, let me get the lobster. And they're like, all right, cop. I have the red lobster. It's the cop get out of here we just put that on the menu to make sure yeah yeah david borey is here cool guy jokes 77 on instagram the g is silent

on twitter how you doing buddy i'm good man i got some dates coming up i got some stuff i'm working on you guys are gonna see a lot of content from david bori next year it's gonna be it's gonna be like jude laws 05 dude david bori and like nine things gonna have sex with my nanny yeah and he's gonna fuck his nanny you got a nanny man remember that day we're walking around the mall couldn't buy shoes now you got a nanny man you remember that day we were walking around the mall couldn't buy shoes now you got a nanny that you get to have sex with no i was kidding i'm my own nanny i have sex with myself yeah dude he doesn't have a nanny though manny ramirez is living with him in denver oh man when you guys said manipause yesterday i i laughed so hard at manipause and i made up this whole

scenario in my head where i'm a different comedian and that's like my whole instead of wash your ass my catchphrase is manapause if you think manapause is funny do yourself a favor take yourself on to a hallmarks gift card shop and just read some of those cards they have for sale and that'll eat up two three weeks i was telling laura like man if i was different i'd have a whole new act based on manapause try it on try that guy on there's a new world on it no no no no no no you're going through manapause manapause dude you don't want to announce a bunch of dates on a cruise ship are hallmark card stores still open is that still a thing i don't know is it just a channel hallmark no i swear they have a hallmark store i can picture it maybe it's a card store yeah i feel like i haven't seen a hallmark in forever where there's trinkets and um you know

trinkets baubles stickers cards. A small array of candies. Little stuffed animals. These stuffed animals. There's some in Denver. Oh, there you go. Hell yeah. My mom, when I was a kid, you guys might not know this, opened a candy shop for like six months and then it went out of business.

My mom. Yeah, no, we did not know that. Yeah, and if you guys didn't know that, she was also a birthday clown for like a year. Did you know that? What? Yeah. No.

How did none of this ever come up? You're the son of a chocolatier? And a birthday clown. I think Maxine is stirring up all these emotions in my mom, but she hits me. Yeah, like a couple weeks ago, she hit me with like 30 pictures from back in the day, like old.

And one of them was of the candy shop, and the other one was her being birthday clowns, and I was like, holy buckets, I forgot you opened a candy shop. Her and her friend Helen would make little arrangements and just have them for pre-sale or whatever. Edible arrangements? No, they were just like, you know,

like a balloon tied on to like a nice-looking plastic container with different kinds of candy and some ribbons and shit on it. Maybe a stuffed animal.ortment got danker as you as the money got danker and yeah an edible arrangement well an edible arrangement out of like fruit and shit this this wasn't that buck but yeah they open a candy store it's pretty i forget about that entrepreneur was she making the candy was she like a middleman middleman she guessed it yeah she had to get the candy from you know big

eminem big snickers big hershey's the nestle don't talk about big snick if we can't talk about bolivia we definitely can't talk about big snickers on here i have some dates coming up this is got some dates coming up talking about big snickers on the fucking recording there's a dot in the corner that says recording and you say say Big Snickers? Pretend to talk about. Like, what the fuck are we going to do? Remember that song, Smell Yo Dick? That one? That guy had like a Snickers leather bomber in it. You remember that guy in that video?

Yeah, I think it was M&M's. But yeah. That was Snickers, I swear to God. The Big Snickers leather jacket. Anyway. Stop saying Big Snickers, dude. Stop saying Big Snickers. dude. Stop saying big Snickers. David already had to move once.

For the love of God. I bought a house, dude. In Tucson. I'm going to be at the House of Bards September 10th and 11th. Hey, how big is your apartment? Because big Snickers wants to come over. Shut up, dude. I don't know what you're talking about.

Who needs a big apartment if we're going to have a party? Faded Denver, September 16th. Get your tickets before they sell out. Is that the end? Wait. Seattle, September 24th. It's the first night of High Plains. We're a part of High Plains.

Oh! What? And Seattle, September 24th and 25th. I'm going to be at Annex Theater at annex theater telling jokes there you have it in seattle in seattle washington seattle washington and you know what the hour's getting good it's really getting there i bet it's getting good it's really getting there it's fun to get some stand-up working again i have i don't have an hour but i got probably about a half of decent stuff it's fun i saw it it's trash it's all garbage basura you saw a oh i'm out i'll probably have like one drink turned into five then watch half of the second show before i go home version of it

yeah it's bad yeah i can't really i can't really do stand-up all drunk anymore no i wasn't but i don't like even doing it after one drink, and I've always thought that. Sean said it's loose meat. I'll tell you that right now. It's loose meat, all right? You want me to say what I was just big? Don't you fucking say it, dude.

Okay. I'll fucking leave this fucking Zoom. I don't give a shit. Does that speedboat have a weight limit? Because big Snickers really wants to get out on the lake. Big Snickers and a speedboat. I have no boat. I have no boat.

Big Snickers isn't a real person, so we've never heard of him if he is. Sean said, is that very funny? A lot of fun stuff about being a Baja. Yeah. Shout out to Austin Powers. Baja. Baja. Gold member.

Oh, father. I don't speak freaky deaky bong and a blitz funny all the time my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish whatsapp yeah shout out to sue carmel who's in italy so i got whatsapp to communicate with her she's in fucking Italy, dude. Not Little Italy. No. Bunch of dudes who didn't do diddly. She didn't. Little Italy, did she know? She eliminated

some middlemen? That's right. The Late Late Show is back, and I am tired. I'm tired, baby. I'm tired. But I am on air. Check it out. Side kicking. Kick flipping. No, you're not. You can. You have a board. You can kick flip board you can kick flip i can kick flip dude what if i've just been getting really good and i haven't i've kept it from you you're

you're now you're at the fight and wait you could now you could you could for real skate i know you've we've you've discussed this and you've talked about it but now it's like definitely could happen i'm at a skate and wait but i'm also acutely aware that I would break my elbows, even with elbow pads on. Are you a board guy? Board guy. I'm not. I,

I, Sean got me one. I don't think I, I, I like, I, I want to shout out Andy Pitts. Andy Pitts gave you that.

Andy Pitts gave me that boy. Shout out Andy. I was the middleman, but yeah, you were like, it was like your mom's chocolate company, dude. No, it was called not your mom's chocolate company, dude. No,

it was called not your mom's chocolate company, not your mom's chocolate. We're going to have to unpack the birthday clown stuff later for a year. It could have been longer, man. I'll send you guys a picture after this. It's crazy when I think about that. Cause yeah,

there was a time in my life and I, you hear all these comics have material about it, but a time in my life when my mom was like a legit clown. I don't hear all these comics have material about it, but a time in my life when my mom was like a legit clown. I don't hear all these comics have material about that. What was that comment? About their moms being clowns? Isn't it? Hey, I got this, my mom was a birthday clown bit,

but doesn't Gaffigan do that? Doesn't Gaffigan have a famous, my mom was a birthday clown? What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? I swear to God there's a comic that doesn't no there's gotta be twitter what are you talking about twitter do something good for a change find the comic i'm talking about that hasn't been about their mom being a birthday clown as long as we all have airline food dating is weird dating is women be shopping moms be birthday clowns you said it like a bunch it's like a like a genre one is too many when you're talking about that kind of a joke that's not like it's not because i don't know any of twitter please help me out tell tell dave to sit

down and stop yelling at me how much of your mom's being a birthday clown overlapped with you enjoying the music of the Insane Clown Posse? Not a lot, man. I came out to the Great Malenko. Tell me that doesn't knock. That song shook that whole building. I was so stoked that you could have played anything. Yeah, I was going to say.

Just music. I'd be like, uh-huh, this is music. Yeah. You could have played like cold music. I'd be like, uh-huh, this is music. Yeah. You could have played, like, cold music, and I think it still would have got. Just some chamber music, and I'd come out like, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Especially chamber music. Yeah, that's what I would have put them over the top. Because you played great Malenko, and it worked.

And chamber music is actually music. Ooh, there he is. There he showed up. Wacky circus gang. It's a mellow Sunday morning vibe here on AFV. Thanks for tuning in. My name's Ian Carmel. Watch me on the late,

late show. Listen to all fantasy, everything. I don't have any shows coming up except for Denver. And we are going to do our best to make a presale on the Patreon. I think we'll be able to do it for those Denver shows. But also, I'm not sure it'll sell out, but it might sell out. Yeah, we're not going to need to, but yeah.

So copy your tickets. We're still going to be there. It's going to be an out. What's that, September 17th? 18th, a Saturday. Yeah. Out of doors, as safe as possible. 11 a.m., Saturday the 18th. Oof, 11 a.m., dude.

I'm going to be flying in that night. Adam's coming in. rude bizzle's gonna be there it'll be dank frat's probably gonna be there it'll be a fun time uh now we are gathered here today not only to ruminate on how fun uh denver will be shout out to big snickers but also i like it the draft onomatopoeias onomatopoeias this was selected by the good members on patreon suggested by one of you and then voted on by all of you this was the winner onomatopoeia dude it's so funny farming out those it's like some of the ideas someone suggested orange things and it's just so funny to me it's just so that's like a pretty good idea yeah that's a really good idea i'm looking at a shoe box that a nike most of the nike boxes are orange are they used to be but yeah anyway shout out to everybody

on the page you guys are so dope it's dope we love you yeah yeah yeah in onomatopoeia for those of you who don't know is when a word describes the sound and actually mimics the sound of the object or action it refers to when it is spoken and that like well we'll get into it some of them don't some mimic the sound more than others some yeah are just like that's why we're ranking them okay all right all right okay i just have a feeling and i i put my put my kevlar on it's gonna be a good night that tonight's gonna be a good you say i got a feeling i feel like i might get clowned a little bit and 50 cent was in sioux falls by the way just so we're absolutely clear on that yeah he was opening a candy shop too you know that song was bad that was bad and it was just like magic stick it felt like anyway

i like magic stick better though magic stick hasn't has a it i don't know i like magic stick it's got a bop to it did you hear the magic stick stroke me stroke me remix if you ever had lime wire i had if i ever had lime wire oh is it a mashup with that stroke man stroke man yeah yeah my left stroke's the death stroke i got them yeah that's great i had a lost boys poster on my wall till i was like 24 i think i had lime wire let's talk to me like that what's the fourth lost boys song like anybody could put up their top three but what would be like your fourth favorite lost boys song i don't even have a three well there's the door there's the doors song if that counts it like you're talking on the soundtrack oh you're talking about the movie lost boys i thought i

thought you were talking about the rap group i was fully ready to give you four songs off the Lost Boys soundtrack. I think. I was going to try. The whole body of work of the greasy shirtless saxophone guy. My mom still loves that dude. When she was here, we watched a clip on YouTube and she's still like. Got horny. That basically was ridiculous.

Put on the clown makeup, to speak i looked back over and my mom was the joker that is twisted that is twisted now that's twisted that's about the most twisted i had to kick her out i was like is that why you love that bit so much is because it's familial i don't know why i love that bit so much but i will tell you this that i think you are closer to clowns than maybe you know in the whole history of the show i think that's my favorite bit probably that's insane that's insane i love you but you're like objectively wrong you know it's insane that's five years of bits two so many good bits you know what's insane david i'll tell you that's not even a bit i took a bath the other day and i had some

body wash i believe that myself oh i did for sure and i drained it and i'm drying off and i look back in the tub and the residue of the body wash joker face on the bottom of the tub it was twisted twisted what is he even all these years that's the one i think so i love it my favorite bit is that you're pretending like you were 24 when you took down that lost boys poster when i feel like it might still be up right now yeah tear the house down off screen i was 24 into when i when i had a lost boys poster on my wall and then uh from then on i had a framed lost boys poster on my wall it just looks like all the corners got shot with a bb gun because I moved it so much.

There's tears in it. We had a fire. I had to rip it off the wall. I had to make a decision. What comes with me? I had a Beastie Boys poster like that. I think I still have it rolled up somewhere. I might put that back up someday. That's a garage poster, right? All my garage posters are framed now.

That's sick. My garage is lux, dude. Lux. The way we determine the order of the draft is that we're all looking at a rock, paper, scissors to play between the two of you and we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Ooh, David wins. Rock beats scissors. David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's all fans say everything draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a upon you to determine the order of today's all things everything draft but before you do that i will remind you it's a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question it's like when i brush my teeth i start at the back and i spend a lot of time on the back i don't

spend a lot of time on the fronts it's about me when i brush my teeth because i feel like the back needs more work so i kind of go hard on the back right and then I'll dance over, I glide over, I spend some time on each tooth and then I get to the back left and I go pretty hard again and then I'll go down to the bottom left and then I'll go for a while and then I'll just go across down to the bottom right. And I really just do that. I just kind of go up and then just so I do it for longer, I make a little game out of it where I reverse the direction. I do that a lot of times. So then I'll be on the bottom right and then I so i do it for longer i make a little game out of it where i reverse the direction that's i do that a lot of times so then i'll be on the bottom right and then i'll go all the way back to the bottom left spend some time up to the top left and then over to the top right and just kind of back and forth you know making a little joker smile in my mouth can we go back about 30

minutes to where you were asking me i think this was on if LaCroix is bad for you in any way. David mentioned your enamel. Yeah, it's enamel. And that's true. But you drink Mountain Dew still. I know. And you were asking me if LaCroix is bad for you. I might have a Mountain Dew today.

You might have a Mountain Dew today. We might not get to put a bit on this house because they'll see me with a stroller and a Mountain Dew and they're like, we don't like you in this neighborhood, bud. That guy passed a credit check? He's drinking the new Mountain Dew. We can't have him here. That guy passed a credit check. We're not talking about how much credit he's got at Spencer's. We're talking about his credit report.

Spencer's. That was the other place I was trying to think of. Spencer's is where I called. Spencer's, kids. Twisted. Oh, man. David, with all that in mind, what will the order of today's fantasy draft be onomatopoeias? place i was trying to think of spencer's is where i called looking for joker's kids twisted oh man david with all that in mind what will the order of today's fantasy draft be onomatopoeia it's david sean is hot corner i didn't want to go first either that's dope i have the first pick and i will be making what no you don't that's right i was writing my name as i was talking i'm sorry it's it's place flexing now dav, I don't care what the order is.

I have the first. David, what's the order? Not like I give a fuck. You look at me right in my face. That would be such. I'm sorry, sir. We're at capacity. Now I'm coming into the restaurant.

All this ceremony for the last five, ten minutes about who goes first. I have the first pick. And also on onomatopoeias, when it's not like... Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. David has the first pick. david you have the first pick

we'll get to that first pick right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life you drop everything you're doing just go to a brand new country you figure it out from there but this isn't the talented mr ripley all right you're not jason go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app,

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And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed. This is it. This is it. This is it.

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Fictional. Fake. Wait, wait. Yeah. Sports? Fake. Sports with Katie Nolan? Fake. Fake. fake wait wait yeah sports that is not those views expressed here are not necessarily those of david bory or viacom david bory's new podcast sweet butts and big trucks fake big trucks sweet butts and big trucks then you start a podcast called sweet butts and big trucks when do you have i ever talked to you about trucks you were texting all last night

about how you just started this new podcast called sweet butts and big trucks is this the whole bit what are you doing were you doing a bit doesn't even rhyme you were texting me last night well then why did you start the podcast? It's about things that I never talk about. I've never been like, oh, I have an interested truck of any size. We're here with former Secretary of Education Artie Duncan. Mr. Duncan, what's the biggest truck you've ever seen? All right, now the sweetest butt same day that'd be a fun podcast click out on our patreon for sweet trucks and big butts wait no that's not what big trucks and sweet butts that's what it is they both work man interchangeable butt trucks and

big sweet sweet trucks and big sweets big sweets and butt snickers or what was big snickers big snickers and truck butts five years of bits it all boils down to this truck nuts and sweet butts i'm the world's foremost truck nuts enthusiast i fly around the country just talking about truck nuts. A whole podcast about truck nuts? It's so wild when they're like flesh colored. It's an insane thing to do.

They have like the ones where you're like, you really were trying to get that to look like an actual nutsack hanging off your truck. You might as well just yell, my dick's not cool. Yeah, dude, I got a bad dick. Yeah, I got a bad dick. I had to put nuts on the truck. That's like a fabulous lyric. Dick's so bad i had to put nuts on the truck david what will the first pick in the onomatopoeia all fantasy everything draft me i'm taking swish swish it's like one of those ones i love it when it starts out as a sound that something makes and

then it and then you could sit like when it like grow up make has its own life and it turns into like just like swish is like i say that when i do good regardless of basketball or anything you know what i mean yeah swish yeah i just love it i think it's i think it's a pretty accurate to what it sounds like. You could like, if you make a good well run, swish, did it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Endless possibilities for swish. How was that dinner you made last night? Swish. Swish, dude. Swish. Swish, swish. There's also nothing more satisfying than swishing a basketball. It's a really great feeling.

It's also, I think, an onomatopoeia that was invented maybe in the 80s. Probably. That's a new onomatopoeia. How long have you been saying swish for? Not that long. I bet you swish,

how long have swishers been around? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers?

Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers? Swishers?

Swishers? Swishers? Yeah, but that's a word. I bet they've been around since before the 80s, right? Yeah, but I don't think Swisher Sweets was named after the sound that it makes.

No, but... I think it's probably like there was a dude named swisher doesn't make swish when when you light up a grape swisher you don't hear a basketball nothing but net you don't hear that that's really the noise the basketball makes when i light up a grape swisher i don't hear a basketball you're literally the only person i would let say that to me the dude's been up for that. That would end a brunch. If I heard you say that shit. It didn't even occur to me how it might be racist.

When you back out of the beginning of that conversation, that's probably the most racist thing I've ever said. I'll feel bad about it all day. Grape? Everybody knows that. All right. Anyways. When you wind up a grape switcher sweet, like if you were a lift driver we'd have to fight i'm sending this episode right to louis farrakhan and i yeah his anti-semitism not withstanding complicated email yeah that's

a complicated email shalom hey you motherfucker and what's funny is sean might have had more grapes wishes than anyone else on this podcast i I believe that. The grape ones are like offensively flavored. When I moved to Oregon, I stopped smoking. And I would get swishers. And I'd be like, well, this isn't smoking. And then after a while, you just start inhaling.

And then you're like, well, now I just smoke swishers instead. Jesus Christ. If you told a doctor, they'd be like construction foreman yeah like a doctor would be like please go back to cigarettes yeah you're smoking swisher sweets on your break at work yeah how many packs of swishers what about four packs a day of swishers just hanging out outside the bar and a group of people smoking you guys got a light i got a giant cigarette that's a cigar outside of a bank on a cold day not even wood tip just the raw ass swish is a good one the real sound a basketball makes when it goes in a net is like yeah it's like i like like yeah but swish i feel like i get it like swish feels right that's the kind of thing about a good onomatopoeia is sometimes it just feels

more right yeah than it sounds right you couldn't write out the word of a basketball you know you couldn't write no most most onomatopoeias you can't that's why we got the closest we could get like phonetically yeah you know i'm's why we got the closest we could to get phonetically. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? This is the closest we can translate it. Yeah, I'll get made fun of a lot on this episode. Chris, could you just cut that out and drop it into the beginning of every...

Into the theme song? Yeah. could you just cut that out and drop it into the beginning of every into the theme song you know if i remember right someone in the crowd like tried to stick up for me don't do that i can't i don't like that these are these are my brothers this is fun somebody and it happens sometimes someone will stick up for me like no no no no no that's not what we're doing it's because they don't know that you're actually the bully i've been trying to push this narrative for months shut true the fuckers i mean what i'm sorry david i love you i love you no no no go back to your old your old bullying ways sweet butts and big shut the fucks pick that's right yeah yeah meow oh man that was yeah i had that i had that i had that ranked in the top three that one's pretty on point yeah that's where i where my mind went with these was like what sounds like the word is you know what sounds

exactly like but it does sound it's just the it's just a great sound it's never upsetting here's what i wonder this might be a very usa centric american centric idea yeah well russian cats go meow yeah that's what i was going to say. Has any other language gotten close to the appropriate sound of meow than we have? I've got the list right here. Okay. You do not. What? Yes, I do. Did you know what he was looking?

Alright. Arabic. Mua. Vietnamese is meow. That's pretty good. Indonesian, meow. Meow. That's pretty good. Indonesian, meow. Meow. Persian is meow. Meow.

American English, meow. Catalan, meow. Afrikaans is meow. French is meow. Yeah, Dutch is meow. So they're all exactly the same. Mandarin Chinese is meow, but the Taichung dialect is meow so they're all so they're all all exactly the same chinese is meow but the teichow dialect is they all start with an m that's the nobody nobody's like teichow's an n oh all right turkish is me of that is bad and so danish me of yeah yeah

those are those are harder kitties they're they're not living a cushy i love it when you go to another country and they say what an animal sounds like and you're like you fools you idiots you fucking idiots they call they say that bears say broom broom broom and i couldn't i was like you mean to tell me you guys are up here with all these fucking bears and that's how you think they talk what if they do what if their bears are out there knocking on the door like broom broom do they think motorcycles are bears yeah that was their whole that's why you got occupied. Potato, potato, potato, potato, potato. In Kyrgyzstan, they think it's me-ogre.

They're the most out of touch. But maybe that's like me-r. Which cats do do. Me-r. Me-r. Okay, in Georgia, the country of Georgia, it says Navi. Navi. Navi.

Like that. Navi. Navi. Navi. No. No, no, no. In Korean, it's Yong or Niang. Probably Niang.

Yong. Yong. Yong. Yong. Yong. Yong. The point is, we've all collectively as a species of animal, decided that cats

go meow. We know what cats sound like. Whereas some of these other animals, they'll be like, a horse says bronc. Yeah, you're like, where are you? I think I have a good upset cat. You guys let me know if this is a good upset cat.

Ready? Okay. Fuck you, dude. Oh, man. No, I really do. All right, hold on. Okay. Is that upset or horny? Oh, it can be both, man. You've never been both?

You've got to stay up later. I've only been both. Marissa, what's this doing? This fun? I feel like if anyone has this on speaker and also owns a cat, their cat's going to be a little worried for them. Oh.

Get your cat around. Get your cat around. You can rewind this. Get your cat around. Put this loud. David, can you do it? Three, two, one. Fuck you. It's my litter box it's mine I'm a fucking virgin did you know that

alright do you know why cause somebody cut my fucking balls off so yeah I'm gonna shit on the floor some more sometimes sometimes Eddie meows like like that like the penguin yeah if somebody has food and she wants it she'll like i like that one yeah oh yeah he's like an old-timey gangster meow meow dude yeah that's a good one meow you can say it like that too and creep people out i do uh my first pick i'm taking burp

oh that's a pretty good one yeah i don't know if this is like the tail wagging the dog but i'll just i think it is i'll say burp sometimes when i burp burp burp yeah i get that i get that it's really fun if you know you have a big burp cone i'll just say burp burp burp i burped that burp but if you think about it the word burp the burps do sound like the word burp like you couldn't you couldn't really write out what a burp sounds like because it sounds like bowling balls falling down a staircase. But burp is pretty close. Burp is pretty good.

Yeah. Burp. Burp. Whoa. That was a real burp. I can make myself burp. Like that? I can make myself burp like a kid, like a middle schooler.

I can't do it like a trucker. I hope everybody's at work just like. I can't do it like a trucker i hope everybody's at work just like i can't do it anymore all right that's it i did it if i do it i'll give myself the hiccups yeah just like now i have all this air in my chest oh yeah you gotta let it out you gotta burp it out get it out a little side note i was in i was in minneapolis years ago doing an open mic and some dork with a backpack came up to me and he goes, he goes, what's up, bro? You know the only difference between freestyle rapping and stand-up comedy? And I was like, freestyle rapping rhymes. He was like a backpack rapper kid and he put his hand on his chest like he caught the vapors and he's like,

you just deleted all the air from my chest, bro. I was like, yeah, I remember that. Deleted all the air. I was at Acme. have you ever been to acme well whatever they have their lobby in the basement and i was just sitting there i i don't know what i'm writing or i just sitting there and some kid just can't you know how those like backpack rapper kids are where they just come up and like just start talking to you rapper kids they're great at that yeah and uh he that's what he did talking where i was from and stuff and then he just you know the only difference between freestyle rap and stand-up comedy like he

was just gonna blow my shit wide open do you think you were a fucking idiot well that's what i was like one of them rhymes man and he i swear i swear i changed his life he's probably a preacher now yeah probably a stand-up comic he was standing there dude he lit up a grape swisher and went swish and then he just fucking hit chan with with a hard question dude you know who it was it was the guy from the crossroads video that guy with the sunglasses and the trench coat and he just oh damn yeah i'm gonna miss everybody burping dude dana schwartz i don't think we'll mind me saying this on the podcast cannot and has never burped really what do you mean cannot apparently some people can't burp and she's one of them does it go at her butt i don't know no i'm like what happens if she chugs

the soda she's got to deal with it that sounds even worse yeah my buddy pat always used to say when someone burped he'd say well that fart took the elevator, huh? Oh, I hate that. Oh, I think it's hilarious. I hate that. It's gross. I always thought it was funny. It's like I'm burping out fart.

It's a different thing. Fart took the elevator. It is a clever way to say it, though. Yeah, I mean, it's a classic. It is a classic. That doesn't mean I don't hate it. it though yeah i mean it's a classic it is a classic that doesn't mean i don't hate it i mean yeah it's a classic but what do you want yeah it is a classic it's a chevelle he drives a chevelle

i don't love it bad on gas bad for the environment uh and i'm just gonna hit you with the one-two punch here because i have uh the hot hot corner. Yeah. Fart. Yeah. Yeah. As I said it, I was like, damn it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going, I'm taking this one to grade school.

I'm taking burp and fart. What'd you, you're, now Ian, you've built a, you've built an extremely solid, successful career for yourself. Yeah. What do you attribute that to? Life is all about burps and farts, dude. Burarts dude burps and farts you're an accomplished writer late night television yeah portland's funniest person without even living here i'm sure at some point um college graduate yep lover lover fighter poet entrepreneur tea kettle self-proclaimed tea kettle tea kettle what do you what do you

where do you get where'd your success come from burps and farts burps and farts burps and farts that simple everybody out there burps and farts once you can figure that out the rest just falls into place like smiles and cries from training day smiles and cries burps and farts fart is a funny word um fart is uh hilarious my mom still can't do it if I say like Max farted or something

she's like she did not and she calls them letting stinkers and I'm like that's grosser man that's way grosser you let a stinker

um I think it's I think fart is a funny word I think fart does a decent job of capturing what a fart sounds like um

and that's why i took it second uh fart if you think about it like some you know you'll you'll hear someone go and it's that's not exactly the word fart but they did the best they could yeah they wanted it to be a fart i'm gonna go down that road with you yeah they wanted it to be a fart i'm gonna go down that road with you that kind of sounds like a fart the word fart captures that as well the one out the corner of your top lip is my favorite this one that last one sounded like it this is a fun this is a gross one yeah man i'm with you i wish i could see marissa's face right now. No, she went dark. This will be fun to edit.

Those are just some examples of farts. Sean, have you... It's going to be gross. I'm going gross. Squish. Squish isn't necessarily gross. It doesn't have to be. It is to me.

But the squish I'm thinking of sounds great. The squishy sound like i don't know wringing out a sponge or something squish yeah that that's go it's so gross it's so gross that's gross to you i think about it it's like sitting on like some pudding or something that sounds fun that's not can we put that in the green room for high planes put in a bunch of pudding stools no we want pudding bean bags let's put pudding stools on the rider and see if they can figure that out and see what they and see what they do to see what happens skittle brisket and if we sell it out chicken strips chicken strips and pudding stools only if we sell it out. Make sure just some Fiji waters,

maybe some like a 12 pack of beer and some Skittle brisket and some pudding stools. Oh yeah, can I have some candied sardines? No, I want them candied. Yeah. I want big Snickers. Some lost croissant. Whoa.

I want big Snickers in there. Shut the fuck up. If you've ever had wet, you know, when you got wet shoes on, like maybe you get pushed into a pool or something like that that's a squish squish squish squish squish squish squish it's definitely a wet sound yeah yeah yeah i think uh like wringing out a sponge to me since i just i do dishes like 30 times a day now that is the every time just that it's weird because squish is a wet sound. But then like when I think about what things that get squished, they're not always wet.

Like a sandwich can get squished in a backpack. I think of like a handful of Play-Doh. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not necessarily a wet sound, but it does get squished. You guys might be too young. They had those like plastic. It would be like the head of a mummy, a plastic ball that was like a mummy head and it

would have all this and the eyes would pop out yeah i think they were even called like squish balls but those those like you could plug the hole and the whole thing was you could make it sound disgusting if you wanted to like plug the hole and squish it and make all the fluid go through the hole what would it sound like kind of like that all right great a little bit anyway so squish a little bit hey a little bit hey squish dude david time for your second and third picks i am going with similar to squish in the era i'm going with uh gush, that's a little sexier. Both of those reactions were so weird.

You know what we both thought about. There's one thing that pops into your head. I've never wished it was a visual medium more than if you could see what Ian just did. Your head was sideways. Can we time stamp that maybe take that

i could turn that into a patreon pre-roll oh yeah totally that's where these go but just to like oh david goes gushing we're just like oh oh really i guess we'll have a late a late checkout today it's necessarily a gross, but the word gush. What do you think of when you think of something gushing? I was literally thinking of like a river flowing really heavy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like a wound. This is gross, but those guys, you know.

No, not a gushing wound. That's not what I think of at all. Or gushers. You remember gushers? Yeah, or like a volcano. Or like, have you ever been filling something up like maybe a soda in the soda fountain and you turn away you turn back and it's overflowing yeah the first word in my head with that is like gosh oh no gosh oh gosh i'm just i'm just picturing david like holding holding a soda

like a fountain pop up to fill it and then turning around to deal with a situation and it just overflows onto his hand and i'm like gosh oh gosh it's gushing gosh is a dank one man i guess i got a gosh darn gusher you sound like david what's it like to sound like a dork bro fucking dork i i don't know i mean let's hear that playback of when i said gush you do we just both one of these days sean said oh that's a little bit sexier yeah if someone's like which one of these do you take to dinner, Squish or Gush? I'm like, well, Gush, I'll take to dinner. I'm dressing up for Gush. Okay, I don't like it.

Squish gets the end of the night. Gush gets the beginning of the night. I feel like we'll meet Squish and Gush at Sean's wedding. Like, they're two guys from Sioux Falls he doesn't even talk about. Yeah, they're twins. The Spritz twins. Squish Spritz and Gush Spritz. We'll definitely meet Burp and Fart.

Yeah, they're from Sioux City, but they're coming. Yeah, Burp and Fart Squish. I'm burp this is my cousin fart we're the squish bros gush on bruv gushers dude i remember when gushers came on the market oh they're great huge it was huge that was a big time gushers were huge gushers were big gushers are basically a very sweet pot sticker that's a good point yeah i never thought about it that way there's something to think about when you're driving to work in the early morning and it's quiet yeah yeah and your third pick oh uh buzz oh yeah just because like i said i like ones that are other words where it's like

you could say buzz could mean all kinds of things buzz is versatile it's really really versatile yeah like there's a lot that under the buzz umbrella a bee flies by your head buzz yeah you're getting a haircut buzz both of those are buzzes yeah you ring it ringing up to somebody's apartment buzz buzz buzz is doing a lot drink a few beers before sundown buzz catching a buzz dude you got like a there's a weird electrical you're in like somebody's apartment and there's that kind of that noise like in the yeah kind of a buzz dude that buzzing yeah your girlfriend woof kind of a buzz you know what from home alone buzz your girlfriend woof remember when kevin looks at the picture and no i do welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything you can't restart it like

that eddie be the scamp dude oh there he goes oh she's about to knock that plan over don't you knock that plan over dude eddie it is the most fun when you watch a cat start to knock something over and you let him when i wouldn't let her knock that over obviously but like if it's just a card or something that you have up and you just see him like touch it and you're like yeah go ahead and they just look at you like yeah and they're just like i can do this knock it down oh that's fun she just ran back in the room she did it no but she's getting perilously close to knocking over a plant and if she does i'm leaving it until danny gets back from the airport and pretending it happened while i was picking her up yeah oh whoa exactly i think that's the move yeah foundation of a solid marriage that That's right. I'm going to lie to her. I'm going to lie to her.

No, I'd pick it up. Of course, I'd pick it up. Sean! Time for your third pick. As I am a new father. This is pretty specific, but I'm picking coup. The coup of a baby. Oh, baby coup.

Oh, like when a baby overthrows a government. Yeah. Yeah. C-O-U-P-E? Coupo just c-o-u-p oh man all right coo you spelled i thought you're talking about coo though like a baby's coo is just c-o-o right yeah i never knew i never knew that it sounded could you read the books and some people read the books i read the articles that's that's as far as I let myself go. You read the farticles. Oh, that's my cousin Burp.

They say when your baby starts cooing and you're like, oh, all right. And then it sounds, they just for real are like, coo. And it will melt your heart. It's the best because that means she's not screaming, crying. Is that like the noise you hear at the beginning of that uh alia song oh oh yeah that's a coup tell me that somebody you know what's funny when she started before she started cooing i was telling laura we should listen to that alia and timberland song and she didn't know what i was talking about i was like teach your baby how to talk and it's hard because

the the thing that you would describe that song with is the thing if you don't know that then me using it to describe it is not going to help you know because she's like what song and i was like you know that uh uh and she's like i don't know what you're talking about yeah that was good yeah that's the only way i know how to describe that song otherwise it's like a pretty normal there's nothing else that sticks out except for the lyrics. And if you, I don't know. Yeah. I'm the man with the big V-neck. He's so good.

You even did the Timbaland face. Yeah. Oh yeah. I remember. I remember that part really well. Oh, oh, oh, oh,

you have to do like the nerd thing. Stick your teeth up. Oh, oh, I don't, I don't have to. like the nerd thing stick your teeth up oh oh i don't i don't have to oh oh this is a this is gonna be it's a weird episode yeah she was laughing yeah anyway the coup of a baby i like it let's hear your coup again do they do that do they say who like yeah she's straight up we'll go

not all the time but sometimes it is straight up just coo like that because they i don't know what it is figured that must be the easiest sound to make when you start figuring shit out but i bet just it is because it means she's not pissed man oh when she's not pissed and it's less and less now but for i tell you like a month ago yeah people don't tell you this shit man a lot of looking in the mirror like what did i do and it's okay to say her issue is she was born five months too late to storm the capital so she's upset about it dude yeah that's true i mean i tell her she can do it i was like you saying cool for a reason yeah like you make your you start get a job start making your own money

and you can do whatever you want she's grounded though she's grounded she is grounded time for my third pick and i can't believe it's still on the board i'm taking awuga oh man i was really even thinking about that but i was like is that too crazy spell that for me give me give it to me aw ooga it peaked probably in the 30s maybe the 20s right but you know it's the it's the word to describe the sound in old timey car horn mix that's my alarm on my iphone so i. Ahuga. So I hear it a lot. And that is the best way to spell it. It's the best way to spell it. It's the best way to wake up.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. By far. That's the only one who does it for me. That'll get you out of bed. Plus, you can't be mad. It's like you start the day on a chuckle. Yeah, you sound like an old trumpeter is yelling at you.

Yeah. Get out of bed david oh that's tight i didn't even wasn't even on my radar man no i mean i know what it is didn't they used to do it in that what was that cartoon where the coyote would like see a lady and then he'd go nuts and he'd be like i don't know what yeah it is i don't know what cartoon it's from but i do know what you're talking about betty boop probably yeah eyes bulging tongue rolls out like a staircase yeah i'd be like yeah here's how you those cartoons really expose how bummy we are now because even back then like

hobos would be wearing suits like philanderers wore suits every yeah everyone the lowest classes of men wore suits i mean that's you know that's that's where america was versus where it is now philanderers dude ne'er-do-wells everybody would wear a suit a philanderer and a ne'er-do-well yeah they're burping burping fart right there one's a philanderer one's a ne'er-do-well burping fart to my house one's a philanderer and one's yeah there's a ne'er-do-well they got suits on but david they got suits on but david they got suits on they're wearing suits and they brought their jalopy? For the last name, his name is Pepe.

He's their roommate. They brought their jalopy. Jalopy, the horn makes an ahuga. Ahuga. Ahuga. Sean, when you walk upstairs and you see the queen, say ahuga. I will. Do it.

I will. Promise me you'll do it. I promise I will do it. and then get back to us nice nice nice see what happens i think she'll like it i'll do it when i pick dana up from the airport yeah yeah as soon as she gets in the car as soon as she gets in the car look at this dame you know it's funny she can hear me doing this i guarantee it so i'm gonna she'll be like why she'll start to say something and i'll cut her off and i'll be like no i gotta i can't do it i can't do it threatening like how was your day at work sean you eat any gross flavored jelly beans at work today awuga is my third pick that's a good pick uh god i felt like there was something else i was gonna say about it but

i don't think so so uh awuga and my fourth pick as it is a serpentine draft i'm gonna take uh uh ka-ching oh nice yeah nice yeah nice nice nice ka-ching just the sound the cash register makes yeah that's a very good it's a little bit like swish where you can use it in in a variety of circumstances anytime anything goes well or you can use it in a in a way where you're making fun of someone like why did sean why why why is sean doing the fucking six pirates to the caribbean movie that's why that's why dude cut chain bro that's why bro it is funny when somebody rips off a bunch of it's got to be like either like really whack shit you're doing or really dope shit you're doing but if it's like if it's at a

far end of the spectrum it's yeah it's pretty tight just a ka-ching then i did a show at boss hogs barbecue ka-ching yeah then i did one at big apple pizza ka-ching let me get a side of ranch ka-ching let me get some barbecue sauce ka-ching some honey mustard ka-ching some basil ka-ching-ching you know what i'm talking about i ran out of condiments so quick are you dressing a pizza yeah what food are you gonna eat i said the three like most popular ones and i was like ah basil coriander have you ever been to a restaurant before yeah give me give me a cup of basil of course i'm old enough to be here basil with that uh basil on the side can i get a big plate of my mom's spaghetti basil on the side can i see your

id no skip that let me get a coors light with a side of basil on the hop please on the hop let me get some food that is also a british guy's name uh you must mean basil basil basil basil basil top oh that's that's where it came from right that's where it came from right i want you guys to throw basil at me at my wedding and yell basel basel tough done ka-ching dude yeah man that's tight that's a good one it's a great one it's in a it's in an mia song oh yeah along with another onomatopoeia that was a song i used to act like it's one of those songs i'm guilty of playing around people hoping they had never heard it so i could oh yeah seem cool oh yeah paper is it paper planes is that what it is but i would i i did it i did this with jack johnson too i did it with a few songs but nobody

had heard jack john in South Dakota. I don't think that this is David. This is, this is like 30 years ago, bro. No, early Jack Johnson. Yeah.

This is a tape of Jack Johnson getting in trouble in middle school. Yeah. People get in the whip and I'd be like, Oh, and I'd sometimes I'd casually turn it up. And every now and again, somebody would be like, what's this what's this and i'm like oh bro you don't know with mia i would act like i've been up on it for years third world democracy yeah she's got more records than the kgb so no funny business she's british bro you know what just get out actually just get

out actually so why don't you walk to the movie theater and we can go see troy together troy tory no i was talking about the Brad Pitt vehicle, Troy. But yes, Tori also did work in a movie theater. Well, that's my fourth pick. And we're going to get to Sean's right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius.

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Sean Jordan, time for your fourth pick. My fourth pick, I'm going to choose Plop. Saying that word quietly hurts. Yo. That's so gross well it is it is but it sounds like what it does man it's something plops it's a good onomatopoeia yeah it's gross I didn't that wasn't on my list

until we started yeah until we started doing this but it's a good one plop can be good things too plop can be the sound of like a mashed potato falling on a lunch tray at school. Plop can be like large Marge giving you a big extra scoop of sloppy Joe. Yeah, plop can be ice cream hitting the bottom of a bowl. Plop can also be poop hitting other poop in an outhouse.

That's always what it is. At a Kenny Chesney concert. Hey, man, the outhouse is way too full of poop. Well, there's nowhere else to poop, bro. You're either going to watch the rest of Cheses is set with a bunch of poop in your body you're gonna go in there and poop in the already full outhouse bro either way chesney's gonna chesney's gonna fire off the hits in 10 seconds man you better shove out that dugan you better fire off the shits if you want to see him fire off the hits plop plop bro plop plop on the hop dog yeah man plop plop plop on the hop dog chest he's fucking going on dude plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is alka-seltzers lolly lolly plop dude

oh this is making me do weird things with my face i keep going like i keep oh you do i have a weird face for this one i don't know what's going on yeah plop david and i have other jobs i know trust me i know that like to just have saying plop be your job scary no i shouldn't be scared we're not going anywhere we're not going anywhere it's just like i can be like well i might go plop here in a minute on weekends i draft words like plop but then you know i go right you know like i did this other job yeah no i don't i mean i now i'm raising a child which is that is a job plop daddy what plop down your fiancee

she didn't really play well i don't want to name other picks but there's other words for it was more of a squish if we're being honest i was courtside man i'll tell you i was courtside spike lee was there man jack nicholson was there there were a couple dudes where i'm like are you guys producers you shouldn't why do you have sandals on your courtside first baby i've seen born look at me oh man it was that is twisted when you're getting that is twisted when you're in the birthing room and you look over and jack nicholson is there with no makeup on but he's

like the flesh version of the joker. Never miss a childbirth. Yeah. Never miss watching a baby get born. Working on my Jack Nicholson. Creepy Jack Nicholson. This one's off the rails, but it started off the rails. No, it is not. This is perfectly on the rails. Plop. He was born off the rails.

Plop. I didn't mean you don't have another job as a criticism. I just mean it must feel amazing to have. Oh, no, trust me. It's not lost on me how lucky I am. It definitely is not. I try to mention it quite a bit and how ridiculous it is. And it's so cool on me how lucky i am i it definitely is not i try to mention it quite a bit and how ridiculous it is and it's so cool plop plop plop david time for your fourth and then your final picks as his serpentine draft uh my fourth pick i'm going with boy yeah it's hilarious yeah i wonder who who was the genius who wrote that down i was gonna say who's

the uh who's the liar who said that's the sound a boner makes i don't think that you've never heard it be like like that yeah but i don't that's what the first thing i think a spring makes when it's let loose exactly it is but like i guess who's who's lying to their friends and being like oh your boner doesn't do that bro mine i don't well boing is not i don't think of boners even top three boy i don't know that anyone is representing that their boner actually makes a boing noise i think it's it's a we haven't met burp and fart yet it's true that's fair that's true it's like a spring-loaded thing like yeah yeah it's like a spring make so they're like my my penis went from this to this it sprung out yeah it's just a fun one it is a fun one to say boing yeah and when you hear it in real life

you're like oh it happened i love when you hear it in real life it's so funny real boing it's great like oh shit just buying buying yeah man would you give a would you give like a door stopper a boing you know those little things that you can see you can that's one of the best boings that's one of the best boings you don't see those a lot anymore i feel like it's a big midwest or old house thing but those doors effective or something the way yeah you would flick it and it'd borrow yeah that was a good point i feel like springs used to be more prevalent in society ever since we got all automated man everything now now everything's fucking much of memory foam taken over i don't need that nonsense we relied on spring spring. Spring-loaded, dude.

I remember as a kid, pretty much everything you broke and opened had a spring in it. You break some shit, there's always a spring in there. Now you cut into a mattress and it's just a mattress all the way through. And you're like, well, this is boring. Nishkit. God, we really turned our backs on springs. We love you, springs. We love you, springs.

This song goes out to Springs. Sean, take it away. Summertime Girls are the best. With my Summertime Girls. I don't need the rest. I can't remember the Summertime Girls song. New Kids on the Block had a lot of hits. Chinese music.

Yeah, yeah. Summertime Girls. I remember when they got famous i was like you i was excited because their teeth were so jacked and i was like you guys are famous with the light funky ones dude yeah lfo is that what that stood for yeah yikes david your Final pick is going to have to be ding. Yeah. Ding. Like I'm thinking of specifically like one of those bells. Yeah. When you're asking for service, it's just exactly that.

And then you say it when somebody's right. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's when someone's right. A toaster oven's done. Yeah. Yeah. You get a good idea. Oh, my waffles.

Yeah. Oh, my waffles. Oh, my waffle. idea oh my waffles yeah my waffles oh my waffle oh my waffles my waffles oh my god man the whole toast excuse me my waffles already my waffles already my waffles already my waffles already excuse me have you seen my waffles i put my waffle in a toaster oven and now i can't find my waffle i'm gonna go in a safe way i'm gonna go in a safe way today take my mask off and find the closest stranger and be like where are the waffles that would be something that would make me worry that i had been inside too long like if somebody did that to me in a store i'd be like what the fuck is going on is this the world now this is the world that guy's here i'm gonna do one of those

like shirt on no pants moves you know like a real psycho in trouble yeah i'm gonna get i'm gonna do the poop bear i'm gonna get in trouble you're right poop bear jamal yeah i'll have duct tape on my feet instead of shoes. It's actually Plop Bear and Jamal was the original. Plop. Sean Jordan, time for your final pick. Final pick. I'm picking Hiccup.

I know you said it earlier, but they sound just. Hiccup. How do you like to spell it? Hiccup. H-I-C-C-U-P. Oh, have you seen it with a G-H? Yeah. Have you seen it with a hiccup?

Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. That's another like baby, you know, I mean, know grown-ups do it too but max gets the hiccups like 30 times a day and it's just so it's like because they don't know how to they don't have a good rate of drinking you know what one yeah i mean they're just like pounding it if they get if they get overstimulated they give themselves the hiccups i learned in a book in. Same. In a book. I read it. This is a big deal, but chill. It's a lot.

Yeah. In a book. I was reading a book. All right. A lot of knowledge in there, and I gained some of it because I'm like a sponge, you know. Reading a book. Next caller. Hiccup.

Hiccup. Hiccup. Time for my final pick. The final pick of the draft. The final. I'm taking it. Sizzle, baby. That's a good one. That's a good one.

I didn't even think of that's a good, man. You don't sell the steak. You sell the sizzle. He's right. You know, you're sitting in a Mexican food restaurant, dipping some tortilla chips into some free salsa, and a fajita platter walks by, dog? Sizzle.

Sizzling sounds so good all the time still i don't even know if they still make sizzling sizzling dion sizzling dion sizzling dion we gotta do another live afv with shane that'd be a good drag name for shane shane's drag name, Sizzling Dion. And that's the way it is. Fantastic. Sizzle. Sizzle. The final pick of the onomatopoeia draft, except for Super Producer Mars.

Do you have a pick? Yes, I'm taking Splat. Splat. Oh, Sean Jordan era. Yeah. What do you think of when you think of Splat, Marissa? Jordan era. Yeah.

What do you think of when you think of splat, Marissa? Well, usually a mess is involved, but aside from that, it's just such a funny sound here. It's very funny. Yeah, like if you drop like a jar of ragu at the grocery store just before you get to check out. Yeah. Speaking of Shane Torres. Billy problems. Splat, dude.

Some batter falls on the ground. Splat. Batter for sure. Like if you're making pancakes. A batter splatter. Splatter falls on the like ground splatter for sure like if you're making pancakes a batter splatter oh yeah splat well just to recap uh marissa took splat david you went first you took swish gush buzz boiling and ding sean you went second you took meow squish coo plop and hiccup i went last and i took burp fart and sizzle one of those drafts was a construction worker for sure this is impossible to judge right this is impossible to judge no you can't i gotta start putting those poles up again we as a one put those poles up this is definitely one for this one yep we love some good ones on the board yeah gargle crunch yeah i had grind on there i like grind but i was thinking

specifically skate vroom vroom vroom yeah vroom cock-a-doodle-doo choo-choo screech whack purr whack purr sploosh yeah jason right right jason that was the one i put down before i looked up what it means jason you know jason like when you get out of your car and it just sounds like Jason. Is some dude named Jason walking? Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason. Yeah, Jason, dude. Yeah. Jason.

We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon thank you for holding us down great topic where you get access to the afe sheslackity pre-records picking topics pre-roll just all just just everything uh everything you want free early access to tickets the things that are dank that i'm stoked on the afp mailbags the best one we recorded the best one a couple days ago i feel them i feel the best about it it was really fun it was good you talk about big trucks and sweet nuts no man i'm not stirring your kool-aid i let you have yours

truck nuts and uh burrito rudner truck truck nuts and hiccups hiccups hiccups wild bill hookup shout out to everyone on the afp uh subreddit we love you what else shout out to afp patreon shout out to afp mel kuiper who i think got the all it doesn't shouldn't need any more uh surgeries we saw from uh from from because of his uh i think his butt fell off and the doctors reattached it so congratulations and i and i think he's doing all good so that's good yeah hell yeah dude we love to we love to hear it sorry sorry you're getting your shout out on such a sleepy sunday morning episode but that's the way it is sizzling dion that's the way it is shout out to super producer marissa shout out to st sue carmel shout out to frankie ocean shout out to trill blazing shout out to St. Sue Carmel shout out to Frankie Ocean shout out to

Trill Blazin shout out to Sid the Dude shout out to Haji Beats and more important than all of that tune in again next

week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything That was a HeadGum Podcast.