All Fantasy Everything - Our Favorite Moments from the Tour (LIVE w/ David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 10, 2019

As the summer winds down, we release our final live show from the tour. Listen as the Good Vibes Gang recount all the booze, brews, buds, drinks, drinking, alcohol, spirits, liqueurs... and like... other stuff too. We did other stuff. Anyway, tune in!This episode was recorded live at The Magic Bag in Detroit, MI.Support the show!SPONSORS:EightSleep [Get $150 off your purchase when you go eightsleep.com/ALLFANTASY]MyBookie.ag [use promo code ALLFANTASY for a double deposit bonus]Manscape [Get 20% Off and free shipping with the code ALLFANTASY]Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to a brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, coming to you live from the Magic Bag in Detroit, Michigan. Specifically, the Ferndale region of Detroit, Michigan. Right up top, we want to give a super producer. Right before every show, we play DVP by the band Pup in honor of super producer Marissa back in Los Angeles.

Give it up for Marissa. Oh, yeah. We miss you. Next tour, we're doing it all in a wagon train so she can come along. It's going to be real fun. Now listen, are any of you on social media?

Are any of you? Yeah. Well, for God's sake, if you are, then you might know him as at Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. At Sean Cougar, Mel and Jordan on the gram. Give it up for Sean Jordan! Yeah! Shondre Dawson.

Goddamn right. How we doing, Detroit? We living? Yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Keep talking, though. Keep talking, though. I gotta keep saying stuff?

Yeah, keep saying stuff, bro. You gonna tie that harder? Yep. We did that to a dude in Sioux Falls. That's where I'm from. It's in South Dakota. And we... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're from Bismarck, North Dakota. Say it again, man. But you've been to Sioux Falls. I've been saying that shit for 12 days. You're goddamn

right, boo. Hell yeah. They're booing Sioux Falls because they know you're from Bismarck and it hurts your feelings when people misidentify that. I see a whole mosh pit right there for us to hash this out if we feel like it. Oh, you think I'm not good in the pit, dude? You've seen me in the pit.

You're nice in the pit. I've seen you in the pit at the Me First in the Gimme Gimme show. Oh, yeah, we went to a Me First in the Gimme Gimme's Christmas concert. I fell down and it was such a cool, because, like, I say I'm not going to get in the pit, then I get in the pit. I think I'm old, but I'm like, I'm also very buck. I like to be in the pit.

So I got in the pit and I fell down and it's but I'm like, I'm also very buck. I like to be in the pit. So I got in the pit, and I fell down, and it's terrifying. I don't know if you've ever done that, but I fell down, and everybody stopped. They helped me up. They brushed me off. They go, are you good? I was like, yeah,

and then I noticed there was a child on someone's shoulders. I was like, Jesus Christ, this is get in the pit and try to love someone. Oh, yeah. Detroit reference. Oh! Detroit reference there.

Oh, yeah. They're very proud of child rock. Kid rock. I call him Bob. You know, that's just how I do it. They love a famous part of the Confederacy, Detroit, Michigan, you know? That's why he rocks that flag so hard.

What a yutz. What a human bongo drum that guy is. You know what I mean? Spent a little too much time in the pit himself taking knees to the face. Taking sacks to the face. It's a lyric in a Looney's song. I take sacks to the face.

It's real funny to me that that made it into a rap song because they are notoriously homophobic. So I love it. And meanwhile, he's talking about taking nut sacks to the face, is what it sounds like, even though clearly he's talking about bags full of the street drug known as marijuana. Marijuana. I mean, Ken Kniff is from here, so I gotta do it.

No, no, no, no, no. Ken Kniff is from Connecticut, dog. Oh, damn, you're right. Well, the dude who thought of him is from here. All right, if that bugs you, cover your ears in three, two, one. Marijuana. Whoever that third dude is in the back just goes, no! I was gonna do the show with just the two of us,

but since you've resorted to that voice I gotta bring the third guy I don't want to see him fine fuck it I ain't got time fucking fine fuck fuck see if I get once you fucking release put some lipstick on before I fuck I don't even give a care motherfucker I don't even give a cure honey why do you even bring them out carrying wine even here whatever I don't care why I'm even here. Whatever, I don't care. Yeah, dude, we became surly teens during this tour. I don't even freaking care anyway. Whatever. You always bring them out after me anyway,

and I don't even care. So stupid. I don't even like the show. It's stupid. I'm just going to go stare at my Joker poster and be in my room all night. No, no, no, no. I said teens, not people in their late 20s.

I still have one in my room. Why so serious? Why so serious? Oh, Batman doing the Joker in his room? Why so serious? Why so loud? Like a very introspective Batman. Why so loud?

He's taking college courses. You know him as the G of Silent on Twitter. You know him as CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. Give it up for David Borey! David Borey! Toothache! Toothache! Too thick. Too thick.

Single coming soon. Yeah, we're going to make it. We've got to write it first. Yeah, we've got to write this. It's a big process. One, two, three. Too thick. We're halfway there.

And then some other words. We've got a big old couple of grape nuts. There is going to be a song recorded. It's been discussed. Yeah. No, we're already in talks. We We got a big old hot ball. There is going to be a song recorded. It's been discussed. Yeah. No, we're already in talks. We got a deal. I'm saying.

Two things on Def Jam. Mm-hmm. Def Jam Latin. Hey, a deal's a deal, baby. Yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. I want to be on Def Jam Caribbean.

Yeah, dude. We're Def Jam North Korea, bro. Yeah. Def Jam outlying areas of Cambodia. Death Jam, Kazakhstan. Yeah, dude. Man, I had an Uber driver in New York who was a Tajikistani wrestling champion.

And that's just what fucking New York is like. Was that just spray painted on the side of the car? Yeah, how did he come up? Were you like, hello, sir. Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude. Are you? I noticed you. The Kazakhstan wrestling champion.

I noticed your battered ears and broad, broad shoulders. I couldn't help but notice that I love the cut of your jib. Now, are you a Kazakhstan wrestling champion? Those are the jibs I like the cut of. I'll tell you what. I don't know if you know what a jib is. I don't like the dichotomy of jib.

Oh, from an earlier podcast. It's a sailing term. You guys want to hear something embarrassing that might be double embarrassing that I was saving for this that I did in the car earlier? How do you say the word that you asked if I said it the right way earlier? How do you say that?

Me? Yeah. Oh, wacky. Horticulture. Oh, horticulture. So I said, horniculture. Uh-huh. And my girlfriend looks at me, she goes, did you just say horniculture?

Yeah. And I go, yeah, I was making a joke, like horny culture, you know? But I wasn't. I thought you said it like- No, you for sure thought it was horniculture. Yeah, I did. Because when I said it, I was making fun of us going to college, and I was like, what, are you going to be into horniculture?

And you were like, I'm into that. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You thought it was horniculture? I did. No, he thought it was like horny culture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But did you think that was the study of plants in agriculture or no? Yes.

Yes, okay. And you thought it was called horniculture? Yes. Because the birds and the bees, and that's how they fertilize the plants, and they get all horny. I can see it. Yes, I'm familiar with horny culture. Yeah, I did.

Oh, yeah. That's why one of my fucking shins is out. You know what I mean? I respect horny culture. Take a look at it. Take it all in. I got my shit out. My shin's just kind of poking out,

like a little, you know, by a dinner, maybe you'll see the other leg. You know what I mean? You guys can't see it, but I'm hitting you all with a full basic instinct. It has been a couple weeks, my friend. It has. I've been having so much fun.

I've been thrilled about it. It has been a couple weeks. Shit's been insane. We can't talk about it. It has been a couple weeks. My God. We can't talk about it, and you'll find out why soon. But like, ooh, it has been a couple weeks. My body is not happy. It's a wonderland. First of all, your body is a wonderland. First of all, it's a wonderland.

Yeah, yeah. It's a ponderland. You know what I like about, you know what I like the most about it is your bubblegum tongue. Yeah. My body is like one of those carnivals they set up in a parking lot, and you're like, no. This is, is this drugs? Wow.

Okay. Thank you. Let's each take a guess at what it is before we open it. Sean? I think it's a vampire bat. Okay. Alive or dead? Right in the middle. Schrodinger's bat it's like that dude in 7 that he'd spell

keeping alive David, your guess what do you think it is? I think it's some type of booze okay, an alcohol thing? I think it's a snow globe with the three of us in there building a snowman and the snowman's wearing an

ill-fitting denim jacket, it's a snow shame. That's a snow shame. I was going to say. Oh, great. Also... Even on the live shows, y'all can't just leave me alone. I don't even know I'm friends with you guys.

Thank you, Scott, Anthony, and Scott. Yes, thank you. If you have a slip and fall in the store, Scott, Anthony, and Scott. Also, thank you to whoever sent the Jameson and the Canadian spices back to the green room. We'll make sure they get to Marissa. We love you.

Is this a pitcher? Yo! Is this a pitcher for whiskey? It's a gravy boat, David. Because that's what I'm going to use it for. It's a gravy boat, bro. You know I don't have gravy in my house. It's a Cuddy, for those of you who can't see, it is a

Cuddy Sark pitcher? It's a gravy pitcher for Cuddy Sark. I'm gonna put all kinds of stuff in there. Yeah, I bet you are. Oh, man, it's gonna get weird. I'm gonna use that just to barf into when we're out drinking Cuddy Sark. Just like little ones. Like, eh, alright,

one more Cuddy Sark. Thank you, Scott, Scottott and taylor i don't fuck i forgot the other one it was scott adjacent scott scott and andrew scott scott and thomas jonathan taylor thomas those are scott adjacent names scott anthony and another scott and another scott if the first if the first sc doesn't get you, the second one will. Oh, my God, yeah. And the first Scott will get you. Anthony, he's just hanging out.

He's a cool guy. Anthony's just there to make sure the Scots don't destroy each other. Yeah, he's a mediator. Keeping the peace. Yeah, he's the glue for sure. Oh, yeah. He's the goo. He's the goop, is that what he said?

Goo. The goo? Sure. Gwyneth, my friend Gwyneth's website? he's the goo he's the goop is that what he said goo the goo sure Gwyneth my friend Gwyneth's website you don't have a friend named Gwyneth you're a liar

and a fat mouth I've been thinking on uh on Gwyneth no one is named Gwyneth Gwyneth is named Gwyneth yeah what's your last name

Ian Paltrow and there's gotta be at least one other Gwyneth Cram Gwyneth Cram Gwyneth Cram is the name you just made up sir

I know that to be true I wanna like cause we're riding first class now cause we're thicker cuts of meat and we got it going on financially oh yeah I'm a full slab yeah someone might be getting an earful at the airport tomorrow I'm very interested I don't have a seat assigned yet I'm gonna give them two scoops and both barrels if it's not available.

I do, and I'm going to watch Hidden Fences and go to sleep. No, what's the movie? Huh? Hidden Fences was that play that Jordan Temple wrote. You're thinking about Hidden Figures? Yeah, I'm going to watch Hidden Figures, and then I'm going to watch Fences. Nice. On the plane?

I'm going to back-to-back it. You're going to back-to-back it? No, I don't want to cry. I don't know. Have you ever cried on a plane? I'm going to back-to-back it. You're going to back-to-back it? No, I don't want to cry. I don't know. Have you ever cried on a plane? David, they play The Lion King on most planes, so yeah. Have you ever cried on a plane? I cry every time I see The Lion

King as an option to watch. I cry. And then I watch it and I fucking cry. I would say I cry on most flights. It's like a Sunday, you're flying home from Portland and you're hung over and you're like, do I really want to be living in LA? Dude, I might

start crying right now. You know what I mean? Yeah. And hangovers make you a little more emotional. I don't know if you guys get that. We fly different. We fly different for sure. We stay fly. We do fly different. We fly very different. I've never even thought about crying on a plane. Everybody's there.

So? If I'm watching The Lion King, it's on like Michelle Kwan, my friend. I took any plane in a movie on the tear-jerker's episode of this very podcast, and it's a scientific fact that because you're closer to God. You're more emotional. Yeah. You're more emotionally susceptible to cry when you're in an airplane. I don't think that's true.

I think I'm honestly emotionally colder. Well, that might be the case for you. But don't say it like I'm broken. You're not broken. Like now I'm fucked up

thinking about why I'm not crying on these planes. Because it's a social contract. I don't need you crying on a plane. We were on a flight. It's the same as the bus.

You and I wrote, where was the last flight we took? We literally flew together from Chicago to Columbus. Oh, yeah, Columbus. And you were out loud. And you're not a quiet man, and I love that about you. I'm not.

I'll vouch for that. Out loud in first class, you were like, why do you think people think Jews run Hollywood? I have some theories. Now, did you give him a loud answer? I think that I have a curious mind, and I wanted some theories. Now, did you give him a loud answer? I think that I have a curious mind and I wanted to know. I don't think, I wanted them to hear. I know you.

Because they could learn too. Nobody else in first class knew who you are the way I know who you are. I don't need them to. Which is a man with a golden heart, you know what I mean? And the guy who earlier when I said, I think I drank too much last night, or no, I said, you know, I didn't actually drink that much last night. And that guy who was like, I heard that before. You know when people try to be too familiar? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's because we were having a dynamite conversation. Yeah, it was fucking five stars. Also, you have to tell them how I said it. I wasn't like, why do those Jews run Hollywood? That's not like, that wasn't the tone. It was very inquisitive and playful. It was like, why do people say Jews run Hollywood? There's no good way to say Jews. Yeah, they're all

bad. I think... I say that as a Jew. There's no real good... Like, you're just like, look at all those Jews over there playing soccer. Aw, look at those Jews playing soccer. There's no good way to say Jews. No, that's... I don't believe you, because I would be like, those Jews are playing soccer. Nope. Felt weird.

It felt weird. I like that you think it worked, but it didn't work. What about, like be like, those Jews are playing soccer. Nope. Felt weird. It felt weird. I like that you think it worked, but it didn't work. What about like, look at those Jews. Nope. Okay. Well, what am I supposed to call you? I like Jews. Call us Jews. I got a bunch of Jew friends. Jewish friends. That sounded bad too. Come on,

man. Yeah, I got a bunch of Jew friends. I'm entering this with an open heart, truly trying to learn. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. I just want to know what to call my friend and his people. I've heard you say, oh man, that black guy's got cool shoes and it sounds fine.

I don't really like it so much when it says it. Because I say it like I'm jealous that black guy's got cool shoes. You say it like there's some stuff tied to it. We'll work it out on the plane. Because you're like, how'd that black guy get those cool shoes? Not where I'm from.

Not in Sioux Falls, North Dakota. And I would still do anything for this man. Man, don't lay it up. Don't lay it up. Dog, I got to tell you, I was out here just a little bit longer than you. This crowd's got back Sean on the Dakota thing in a big way. And I can't explain it, but they really do.

That's like my favorite bit of the tour so far. I know, but they're not going for it. You know my second favorite bit of the tour that I've been doing? We'll save it. I didn't hear it. Well, no, because nobody's going to pick it for You know my second favorite bit of the tour that I've been doing? We'll save it. I didn't hear it. Well, no, because I'm not going to, nobody's going to pick it for the thing. Okay, what's the,

lately now when I see a baby with like a, with a hot mom, I say, did you see that baby's girlfriend? Yeah, that is a good thing. He really got me with it the other day. It's so fun.

We saw a dog in a truck walking in here and it was just a dog sitting in a giant truck and David's like, look at that dog's truck. And Ian's like, well, it's a pretty little dog, so they got a big truck, you know. I bet that dog's got a tiny dick. We just like to joke around sometimes. We have fun with each other.

We're pals who joke. We're friends. It's that kind of podcast. There it is. You know what I mean? Pals who joke. I like is. You know what I mean? Pals Who Joke. I like it. Pals Who Joke.

Yeah. We should change the name of the podcast. See how quick NPR picks us up. Welcome back to another episode of Pals Who Joke. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. On today's episode of Pals Who Joke, we're going to draft things that make you giggle a little bit

as you're reshuffling your copy of the London Financial Times. I laugh at your NPR jokes, but I don't get them. They work both ways like that. Yeah, yeah. I'm smart enough to be able to tell when a take is nuanced as funny. I don't necessarily need to know what it's about

I was doing the same thing I watch Family Guy, I don't know who anybody they're talking about is I figure it's probably good We are gathered here today in the magic bag in beautiful Ferndale, Detroit, Michigan Not only for nuanced NPR jokes the magic bag in beautiful Ferndale, Detroit, Michigan.

Not only for nuanced NPR jokes that include Ira Glass' weird ascending tone voice thing he does, but also to draft our favorite moments from the AFE Summer Breeze Tour. Oh, they didn't like it at all. They didn't respond at all.

They hated it. You are going to hear some funny stuff. They didn't even switch. We thought it was such a good idea. I thought you guys would go a little harder. I just started sweating so bad. Is my face red? Shit.

My face feels red. My back hurts. Why does my back hurt? I got a cramp. They don't want us to draft that even, kinda. These pigs will eat whatever slop we pour into the trough. Don't cheer for

that. You all have mothers somewhere. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry. We love you so much. You're gonna fucking love this. Just trust us, alright? We have been on the road for like 13, 14 days. Longer than that if you include Seattle and San Francisco.

We've spent quite a bit of time together. And we want to tell you some stories about it. Using the All Fantasy Podcast draft format. How does that sound? Does that sound good? Oh, that's good. You're going to hear. You just had to repackage it.

In this episode. I'm going to repackage it right now. That's what I'm saying. That's that Jew magic. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. It didn't work. I thought I was going to make it work. I thought I was going to make it work.

I thought I was going to make it work. I'm trying to be a good guy. Nobody liked it. And then you let Ian do it. And it worked. I meant that that's the magic that the Jews have. No, don't do that. No, it's good magic.

It's good magic. It's like, pull your finger off. All right. Idle, idle, idle, idle. Perhaps I could interest you in some stories from the Torah, maybe. Wait a minute. I think you guys have like a magic stories from the Torah, maybe. Wait a minute. I bet you guys have like a magic about you.

Maybe, maybe. David keeps talking about a Jewish dude. Are you Jewish? Oh, yeah, 100% part of it. That's what I never think. Damn. York City. You guys all knew that?

I didn't know that. I live with a fucking guy. Well, you're a fucking idiot. Are there any Jews in the house tonight? Yeah. Hell yeah. How are we feeling about David saying Jew? What do you want? Tell me what you want me to say. Pretty good, right? Tell me what you want me to say. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life. I would never presume to do that.

What you do if I'm saying like offensive shit, like if you just thought the N word was cool, I'd be like nah, man. That's not fucking cool. So if I'm out here, like, being nuts, do I say Jewish people? You're all right. So I can't say Jews. You can say Jews. But not magic. No. And that's fair.

I needed to know. I needed to know. Yeah, I don't know if that works. I meant fun magic. You know how some people have magic that's fun? Like, you have, like, a magic when you talk about your friends and love. It's magical. There he goes.

He's been pulling his finger off this whole trip. You know, it comes right off. Whoa, can I say something really fast? Yeah. Is it appropriate? And I think this might be because of you. I don't have first class anymore and I think it's because you raised a stink.

I did make a call. They just said, we apologize due to an aircraft change. Your first class seat has changed. Your new seat is 13F. I don't know if this...

Ian's going to get that same email, I think. I didn't complain yet. What are you talking about? Yeah. This is some of that magic I'm talking about. Not true magic! I don't even fly first class because I'm fat and people hate sitting next to fat people on a plane. It's not even like I'm doing good things. I bet I'm fat and people hate sitting next to fat people on a plane.

It's not even like I'm doing good things. I bet I'm going to be stuck in the fucking, in the middle seat in the back of the plane too now. And you know what? I'm going to fucking get fat all over whoever's next to me. Yeah, I'm going to rub it on them. Maybe they'll catch it. I will.

On this draft, you will hear stories about the lowest point in my life. Oh, it's the funniest story that you've ever heard. It's so good. It's crazy. You don't really take L's like that either. I very rarely take L's. Not ever that bad.

It was so ugly. You'll hear tales of glory. Yeah. Inside jokes. I don't know. Now I'm trying to sell you on it even harder. Listen, it's going to be fucking good. It's the three of us. We're charming, lads. Here we go.

The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. I'm shooting up. The three of you. And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh.

Ain't nothing but a thing. I ain't scared. David. Ian. Oh, shit. Right in the middle. Sean on the hot corner. How you feel about that?

Hot corner. Hot. Hot corner. Hot corner. Hot. You got to go hot. Hot. Hot corner.

Hot corner. Hot corner Hot Hot corner Hot corner Hot corner Nobody Hot corner I like that one I spend more time with the two of you Than I do with anyone else in my life And neither one of you can do a good impression

You got a hard one to do man I can't I don't know if I do You don't do an impression of me then Do an impression of me then Oh okay Oh alright that's fair That's fair Do an impression of me then. Oh, okay. Oh, all right. That's fair.

That's fair. Oh, well, fuck me then. Oh, fuck me. I guess I'll send 13F. All right. That's fine. I don't care. Do an impression of me where I'm not yelling.

I'll do an impression of you. Okay, I'll do an impression. Wait, go ahead. Let me walk out front and be a half hour late to get somewhere. When did that happen? When did that happen? Tell me when that happened. I don't know. That seems like an attack. That didn't happen.

And then I sat back casually. If anyone's been late on this tour, it's been me and my Jew magic. That's not what I meant by Jew magic. Okay, okay, okay. Let me do an impression of you not yelling. Is this crazy? I'm thinking of getting into puka shell necklaces this year.

Or he just sits back in the room like, alright, I'm gonna look at butts for a while. Those are very good impressions of me. That is the shit that I do. I do just like sit back and then I'm just like, oh man,

I think I'm gonna try to make Oshkosh Pagosh come back for adults. It's always like weird shit like that. Like, did you guys know

how insurance in India works? Yeah, it is. Fucked up. He will, he will do. In the middle of traffic, like trying to get somewhereed up. He will, too. In the middle of traffic, like trying to get somewhere. He'll be like, Jadakiss

opened a matcha tea shop. It's a smart phone. I gotta get smart from it. It's a buck. Is that a Sean impression? I tell you what, that shit was dank. It's a buck. All right. Is that a Sean impression? Yeah. What? I'll tell you what, that shit was dank.

That's a Sean impression. Yeah. This is dank. Honestly, this is amazing. I got goosebumps. He's going to say it. What a dick. What a dickhead.

You love it. I do, I love it so much I love you guys, this is so cool Yeah, there you go That's a pretty good David impression David Borey It is, you know, having Raiden Supreme in the rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors

it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you, I will remind you, I would love to remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that?

That's a great question. Let's say that you're in your hotel room and you're trying to get hyped up for this show, right? So you put on one of your favorite Detroit albums. You put on The Great Malenko by ICP. You're listening to The Great Malenko. You're like, damn, this thing is fucking still knocks. This album still knocks.

But I'm not going to sleep. What's your favorite song on that? I'm not going to sleep on Riddle Box. So you switch over to Riddle Box for a little bit because you remember Riddle Box from back in the day. And you're like, damn, Riddle Box is pretty tight. But I still kind of want to listen to some more Great Malenko, but before you do that, you let Little Riddle Box fly for like 10 more seconds, then you get back to Great Malenko, and you're like, oh my god,

Halls of Illusions, I forgot about that song, what a crazy, fun song that is, they just talk about killing people the whole time, I kind of want to listen to some old stuff on Riddle Box, but before you do that, you listen to House of Horrors on Great Malenko real quick, just to give it an old school spin, then you go back to Riddle Box Then you just do it to the end You're like, I gotta go finish Great Malenko if I just finish Riddle Box But you want to listen to that first song on Riddle Box again So you listen to that

Then you go back to Great Malenko and finish it out And just kind of go back and forth like that, you know what I mean? I'm upset I'm more of a twisted man myself I saw Twisted too And I saw Misery Basically what it means is you pick third in the first round And you pick first in the second round I don't even have to tell you that much. I'm more of a twisted man myself. I saw twisted, too, and I saw misery. Basically, what it means is you pick third in the first round,

you pick first in the second round, and Sean will explain that using the wacky circus game as an example. I still fucking rule. Detroit has produced so much wonderful culture. And yet... Yeah, Motown. Motown. Where we used our Jew magic... Come on, man! To steal...

No, no, no. I like the Jew magic! I'm just joking. I'm a Jew magic fan! I don't... Jew magic the gathering, then. I think they should call it the Jew-lando magic. Jew-lando magic!

All right, we'll take Muhammad Bamba But we've got our eye on you Alright Oh that was tight We'll take the large Irish Shaquille O'Neal With the first pick in the draft The large Irish

Me and Shaq man Yep Just a couple Irish boys the first pick in the draft. The large Irish. Me and Shaq, man. Yep. Just a couple Irish boys. What's the first pick? We will hear what you're going to take shortly. But before that, let's take a short break.

This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year

for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what

Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about

or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on, probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered.

Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy

Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get

it done. There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start

small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there.

But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts.

And they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools.

They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you, and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10 minute segments. They're perfect for, say someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span, 10 minutes in and out, boom,

you're done. And you know, don't just try a word for word studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old ladies, alma mater and beyond. They prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which come on, that's a no brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash All Fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at Babbel.com

slash All Fantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash All Fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back! Yeah! With the first pick in the 100% on Rotten Tomatoes moments from the Summer Breeze Tour of Summer 2019,

David Porey, you are on the clock. Okay, so it's fucked up, right? Because there is one thing that would be super easy that happened last night to pick. Easy! And I will pick it. You're gonna, you can pick it, but this is like, because I usually tour by myself

in a sad, drunk fashion. And I love touring with you guys so much, and it's been so positive. And like I was saying, usually when I go on tour with people, I get sick of them, and I haven't gotten sick of you at all. And I think it's beautiful that every show,

right before the show, we each tell each other we love each other and give them a hug and say we're glad to be doing this with you so that's what I'm taking you're gonna take the we love each other moment get the fuck off me bro it's not for during the show

it's not for what it's not for during the show during the show I got you I love you anyways. You can be as much of a dick as you want to out here. It's a beautiful moment. I fucking love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The few times I've been on tours with other people, I've wanted to strangle them in front of their families by the end of it. Yeah, it's the only other people I've been out with that I like are Claire O'Kane and Sam Talent. Sam's my man from day one, so it doesn't even count. It's like a part of me.

I haven't even for a moment, like... Shout out to Emily and Hannah if they're here. I hope they came. Hell yeah, Ty. I haven't even for a second, like, kind of been annoyed

with you guys. No, it's been so fun. And we've been, like, we've been, like, sleeping in the same room a lot of the time. Yeah, most of the time. Snoring together, dude.

So just, like, he snores, and then I snore, and then he snores again, and it's a constant barrage. But it's like your favorite DJ. Basically, if you snore third in the first round, you snore first in the second round. How do you take you to the last day to do that? I don't know. I don't know.

I still didn't really do it. We've been studying your snores, and you have like 16 to 17 different distinct snores. It's complicated. Yeah. It's complicated. You have some

that are like real like that, like a machine gun. Well, that's like the cut. Yeah, yeah. And then you got that quiet snore too. You don't even

where it's like off the distance. That's the snore that just came home from war. That snore has seen some shit. It just sits in the living room and looks above the TV. Just watching Wheel of Fortune on full blast for hours. Then you got that predator snore. Everybody be real quiet.

That snore that's just like... That's my sexy snore. We found out Sean snores on this tour. Sean snores! Yeah, dude. Sometimes I'll wake up and I'll realize it's not you and it's obviously not me because I'm awake now.

It's Sean! Yeah. We were in, what was the whole, we were in Minneapolis and we got like a, for some reason they put us in the food. in, what was the hotel? We were in Minneapolis, and we got like a, for some reason, they put us in the food. Dude. In a suite. It was so big. It was fucking, it was like an escape room.

We didn't stay in the same hotel. It was massive. I stayed with Mike Malloy in Minneapolis. It was the same hotel. God, Mike sucks. Anyway. Yeah. He rules.

Mike looks crazy right now. Mike's got like a, he's super skinny, but he's got like a big, long beard skinny, but he's got like a big long beard, and he wears white shorts like he's teaching tennis and cheating. You know the guy that people cheat on their husbands with? That dude stays dressing like he lives in Miami. It's fucking weird, man.

He looks like he lives in post-apocalyptic Miami. Post-apocalypse Malone. Yeah. He looks like he sleeps in an alligator, you know what I mean? Like that kind of look. Yeah, that's pretty cool, though. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, saying we love each other before the show. Anyway, saying we love each other before the show. It is fucking nice. It is nice. It makes me look forward to the next tour that we do, where we only come to Detroit and do eight... Eight different venues all around the city.

We do a show at Cranbrook. Oh, dude, that's a private school. I heard about that shit. None of our parents have a real good marriage. No, none of them.

Not one of them. My mom's got a good marriage now. Oh, okay. Sean's parents got a real good marriage. My OG dad sucked. How about that?

Ian's mom's finally dating a good guy after a string of not-so-great dudes who had good hearts but weren't the right fit for her. David's mom. Oh, she figures it out. We can't release this one. 2XL Pac, 3XL Pac, medium Pac, none. All right. I had a shirt on today that said glue Pac on it.

I didn't love it. Yeah, it was somebody who gave it to me in Minneapolis, I think. No, your sister gave it to you. I was wrong. No, I was wrong. So Wilson brought it. It was somebody in Minneapolis last time I was back, brought me a shirt, like a baseball shirt, that just was Elmer's glue with Tupac's face and it says Glue-Pac on it.

And they're like, huh? And I go, yeah, I mean, there's a reason I left it in Minneapolis. But then Wilson brought it back to me and that's what made it on my body today, so. Glue sounds like two. Yeah, same. Sort of a play on words, if you will.

And if you won't, I was still wearing it, so. It worked out. Time for my first pick. And with you won't, I was still wearing it, so it worked out. Time for my first pick. And with my first pick, as I normally do, I'm going to do the obvious good thing that should always win me the draft, but doesn't, because it doesn't have quite as much sauce on it.

Last night, we were in a small township called Columbus, Ohio. Were you guys there? Oh, yeah, we're in Michigan now. Yeah, that's the Ohio State. I'll do the opposite of what I did yesterday. Fuck Ohio State University.

Fuck them. Fuck them. Fuck Terrell Pryor. Fuck Greg Oden! Fuck Evan Turner! Fuck the horseshoe where they play football! Are they the school that does the little pants or is Michigan? Fuck those little pants!

Little pants? They do a little pants thing. I got your back, dude. I'll stand up here with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll stand up here with you. I didn't know you both would stand up. Fuck putting little stickers on your helmet every time you do something good. Oh, you want a fucking sticker? Play the fucking game, motherfucker.

Don't do that. You know what I fuck with. Shut the fuck up. You like that. Don't do that. When you got the pancake sticker on your helmet, you didn't like that. We didn't have. When you got the pancake sticker on your helmet, you didn't like that. We didn't have them. Oh, I'm sorry.

And I never got them because I was too busy doing the splits at practice. You know what? You're too busy making your nuts touch the dirt like a weirdo. Can I? You know what helmets I like? Those ones with that weird shape on it

that one coach thought made it easier to spot receivers downfield. Or Michigan State, whichever you happen to prefer. Shout out to Zach Randolph. Michigan State all day. My queen, my queen, my queen went to Michigan State.

She's actually in the building. Laura's here somewhere. So she went to Michigan State and graduated college. Hell yeah, Laura. She's actually in the building. Laura's here somewhere. So she went to Michigan State and graduated college. Hell yeah, Laura. She did what I couldn't. I think she did a lot of things that you couldn't. Sean and Laura have a real good relationship.

We do love you, Laura. Fucking shout out to you wherever you are in here. Somewhere. This geezer talks about you all the goddamn time. Yeah, he really does. Shut the fuck up. I like it. I'm someone who's looking for his Laura.

I'm just making fun of him. I'm a snoopy little devil that likes to kiss my queen. You know what I'm talking about? Last night, we were in, you know. Somewhere, a ways away. Some shithole. Somebody put a gun against the back of my head, and they were like, do a show in Columbus.

And I was like, this is the only way I ever would. And so we're at the venue, and I get out there, and I bring Sean and David out, and we're ten minutes into the show. Not even. Not even. Not even maybe. And the power goes out and then it comes back on

and I'm like, that's not fun. And then it went back out again. And it stayed out. It was so gnarly. And then it got so... It was so fucking hot. Fucking hot, man.

You know how it's like a tasteful temperature here in Michigan because of course it is. Like this is reasonable. Because you guys man. You know how it's like a tasteful temperature here in Michigan? Because of course it is. Like, this is reasonable. Because you guys get it. Michigan gets it. In Ohio, it was like fucking 190 degrees, 45,000% humidity.

It was so fucking hot. Like, as soon as the power went out, Sean, you were saying that you could like tell immediately that the AC wasn't working. Like, you missed it. You know when you can taste the air? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, when it's so thick, you're like, somebody's wearing AC wasn't working. Like you missed it. You know when you can taste the air? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when it's so thick, you're like, somebody's wearing the grill to dry.

Like when Prince died, we all felt it immediately. It was like that, but the air conditioning. Damn. That's that Jew magic. I'm not gonna say it anymore. I'm not gonna say it it anymore I don't believe you First we tried to do the show Inside

And it was so fucking hot I had to take off my first shirt Oh yeah you took off your first shirt I took my first shirt off immediately I was sweating through a long sleeve car heart That I thought was a good idea to wear That was crazy that you wore a long sleeve anyway I know Well I was sauntering long-sleeve Carhartt that I thought was a good idea to wear. That was crazy that you wore a long-sleeve anyway. I know.

While I was sauntering into that air-conditioned venue, you were like, it'll get cold up there. I was wrong. I'm going to get cold up there. I'm going to get cold. I don't think it's cold. I got to keep my little nips covered. Ooh, I don't want my nipples to poke through my shirt. You guys, did your nipples poke through your shirt?

Oh, yeah. Did your nipples poke through your shirt? We're yeah. Did your nipples poke through your shirt? We're doing it right now. You'll be interested to know that my right nipple is no longer sensitive as it was a week ago. I had a sensitive nipple. Earlier on the tour, Sean told us about how sensitive his nipple was.

Which, fine, you know, go ahead. You can tell us anything, but I don't know why we needed to know that. It was on my mind. Do you ever put ice cubes on it? No. Explore your body. Don't talk to me like that. Go on.

My body's not a Wonderland like yours is. Do you ever put candle wax on it? This is only a funny joke for people who are from the Portland, Oregon, metro area, but there's a really shitty arcade called Wonderland, and when that song came out, I was like, yeah, my body's like a Wonderland, too.

25 cents for teens to play? There's... The voice of Comedy Central, ladies and gentlemen! There he is! And non-binary as well. That fucking man's right there. We tried to do the show for as long as we could inside, but we could tell.

Which was like 20 more minutes. Yeah. The situation was untenable. I was sweating through my shirt. I was sweating through my shorts. I was sweating through my hat. I sweat through the thighs in my shorts. I was sweating through my hat. I swept through the thighs in my shorts. I didn't know that could happen.

It looked like I had been resting my elbows on my thighs. I was glistening. I looked like a donut in a movie. It was gross. I looked like a fry cook at Waffle House. Just like a glaze. And then we asked the people at the venue, I was like, can we do the show in the park?

Or maybe you did, actually. I don't forget who. But we were like, can we do the show in the park? Or maybe you did, actually. I don't forget who. But we were like, can we do the show in the parking lot? And the guy was like, no. And we were like, are you sure, though? And then they went and checked. And he was like, there's nothing in the rule book that says a golden retriever can't play football.

You know? He can, too. Catch, Catch throwing the ball So we had everybody grab their chair Go back into the back parking lot And like we were spreading a religion That the government does not recognize Yet Trust me I'm not gonna pay tax

We fucking did all fantasy everything In the fucking parking lot In again all fantasy everything in the fucking parking lot in, again, Columbus, Ohio. But in the fucking parking lot. Yeah. It was fucking amazing. And we got a bunch of booze. I bought all the beer the bar had. So then they were passing around beers.

Somebody, because they're one of our fans, had some 12-packs in their trunk that they donated. This dude walked out like it was a frat party. They just had those. They were just like, oh shit, good time to bust out these 30 racks I got. It's their earthquake hit, but they live in Ohio, so that's what it's for.

They're like, honey, it's the big one. Get the Bud Lights. And again, because you're our fans, somebody took a beer, threw it to their friend, but missed because, you know, not all of us are great athletes, and it just domed someone in the head. But again, because they're our fans, they were cool with it. They were just like, no problem, man, it's all right. Yeah, it was really, we had no microphones.

We were yelling. Yeah! Yeah! Well, David and I were yelling. Ian was just talking. Yeah. Fuck, this is how I talk. My voice is a Jewish trumpet.

What do you want me to do? I mean, that sounds magic to me, but I'm not going to say it because of PC culture. Letting everyone hold you down. It was just fucking, it was a, and it could have just as easily happened here

or in Brooklyn. Yeah, you guys would go outside of this, right? Or in D.C. Yeah, fuck yeah, they would. It was just a reminder of how fucking, I don't know, man, just like how lucky we are to have y'all. Like, I mean, like,

the fact that you would be down to do it and like as soon as, like, honest, I swear to God, as soon as the power went out and it was staying out, in my head I was like, oh, all this means it's gonna be power went out and it was staying out, in my head I was like, oh, all this means it's gonna be even better than what it was gonna be before.

Just because fucking y'all are so dope. So, fucking give it up for yourselves. We fucking love you. It is crazy that we have people who would pay to come. Because we just do this at Ian's house. Ian and Sean's house. Excuse me. I appreciate that. That was nice of you, but it's Ian's house. Jack and I pay rent at someone else's house.

We just do it at the house, and I forget that anybody else ever listens. So when people are wearing T-shirts or quoting it, I'm like, you heard that? Nobody was there. This shit. Look at this shit. I like how they still threw the gray in my beard.

What are we doing up there? I can't be hard. But that's one of the coolest things I've ever seen. There's gray in your beard. I know there is. I get it, I get it. It looks cool. I think you look cool.

I look all right? Yeah, you look like a juvenile detention center probation officer. When you started that word, I didn't know where you were going. I didn't know there was going to be a venial at the end of it. Other words have Jew in them. Whoa. Judiciary. I thought you were going to say you look like a Jew mountain man.

Jumanji. In our culture, that's a very different movie. The manji was a rough time. Chantal Jordan, it is time for your first, as well as your second picks as it is a serpentine draft so I'm always thrilled at the people

that we get on the show I just I can't sometimes I just can't believe that somebody's like yeah I'll come and sit and bullshit with you for a couple hours and in Minneapolis

whoa we got Zach Toscani whoa you peeled him off the couch he walked 15 feet from his room oh my god didn't even put a shirt on no I wouldn't have a shirt on either if I was shredded You peeled him off the couch? He walked 15 feet from his room? Oh, my God. Didn't even put a shirt on?

I wouldn't have a shirt on either if I was shredded like that. Oh, my God. That guy, he looks like a deli counter. It's fucking beautiful. He makes me want to eat sushi just so I can pick it off his body while he's laying on a table. You can eat other food off his body. Yeah, it doesn't have to be sushi. He would hate this convo, by the way, because he hates being, you know.

But let's have it anyway. But you could, like, dip some, you could put some queso in his belly button and dip some Doritos. He's Italian. You could put just, like, a big piece of lasagna right here. One cannoli over each nipple.

You know what would be fun is to make ants on a log and then make him go on his belly and stick them out of his butt. So, like, theyled through his belly button. Just in the... It's clean. We're eating off of it. It's not like they crawled through his body is what you're saying? No, you know ants on a log where it's a piece of celery

and then peanut butter and then raisins on the top? Yes. And then you put them on his stomach and then you just kind of stick them out of his butt cheeks like... Well, what I was thinking is you put one of the pieces of celery in his belly button and the other one out of his butt so it looks like they crawled through his whole stomach. Oh, that's clever.

That's pretty tight, right? That's a clever way to eat it. And then we lady in the... I like that. Oh, wait. And then we chew a hole through Zach. We lady in the... Like they do with the spaghetti, but it's us with Antoine Long and this butthole in his belly.

This bit got away from us. Got away from you, man. I'm flying it. I love it. Sometimes we get to have guests on the show that I absolutely can't believe. And in Minneapolis, we got to have my hero on the show.

We got to have... David Borey. Yeah. We got to have Shane on the show. And we got to have Sean Daly. Atmosphere was on the show. We got to have... David Borey. Yeah. We got to have Shane on the show. And we got to have Sean Daly. Atmosphere was on the show. And I... I couldn't believe it. I got to sit right next to my hero

and just bullshit with him for a while. I thought you were going to be so much more emotional. Yeah. I was for sure you were going to cry. I had to leave a couple times. So we're in the green room and I would just leave. And Ian's like, were you just doing that? You just had to dip out? I'm like, yeah, man, I can't sit.

You can't just sit and stare at someone and tell them, like, hey, man, you got me through my dad dying and the worst, like, relationship I've ever been in and tearing my knee. Nicole! But that's exactly what happened. That's what he did. His music was there at the right time,

and it got me through one of the worst parts of my whole life, and it wasn't just because of him but he was just there at the right time and I just got to sit right next to him and just do this and it was one of the moments of my life. I couldn't believe it and it wouldn't happen if nobody listened to this show, we wouldn't get to do that. So again, back on everybody in this

room because we don't get to do that without you. I legit thought you were going to be spazzing the whole time. I thought you were going to be like, hey, it's nice to meet you. My name's Sean Jordan. Your name's Sean. Both of our names are Sean. Should we kiss? No? Okay. That is what I thought was going to happen.

For sure. I had a really tight rubber band around my leg like Chuck Rhodes the whole time. So I was thinking about other stuff like pain, billions. Trying to calm myself down. Oh my god, there's like pain in your leg. And then it would calm me down. So yeah. But I got to meet my hero, man. I got to meet slug. It was one of the

coolest things I've ever got to do. That was pretty tight. He was pretty good at the draft, too. He was. He was real cool. He was almost as good as me. He also showed up wearing shorts, which... I haven't had pants on in two weeks. And I'm thrilled about it. I'm a shorts boy now. Calves.

Oh, yeah. Show it to him. Hit him with the taekwondo. Hit him with the taekwondo, Sean. Yeah. Hit him with some taekwondo. You made fun of me the last time I did it. I won't make fun of you this time.

Hit him with some taekwondo. I can't kick that high anymore. Do you guys want to see some taekwondo from Sean? Yeah! Keep it gangster, y'all. Keep it gangster. Do it. Keep it gangster, y'all. Keep it gangster. Yeah! Keep it gangster, y'all! Keep it gangster! Do it! Keep it gangster, y'all! Keep it gangster! Keep it gangster, y'all! Keep it gangster!

I'd like to thank you, y'all! I'd like to thank you! Keep it gangster, y'all! Keep it gangster! Keep it gangster, y'all! Keep it gangster! I'd like to thank you, y'all! I'd like to thank Dub C! Alright, I won't be doing anymore I forgot it That was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done So there you go It's one of the most embarrassing things I've ever watched

I don't know I saw a more embarrassing thing that night When for some reason Slug started beatboxing I forgot the lyrics to my favorite song And then I tried to rap and do them And I kept stuttering It was amazing it was like watching one of those You know how on SportsC favorite song, and then I tried to rap and do them, and I kept stuttering.

It was amazing. It was like watching one of those, you know how on SportsCenter every now and then, they'll show one of those, meet Daryl, a seven-year-old with a terrible disease. And you just tuned in to see what happened with the Lions game, but now you're going to sit through this and weep. You did rap like a kid who was going to die. And weep for 45 minutes.

And you were just, I thought you were going to start crying while you were rapping. And I mean, I like, it sounds like I'm making fun of you. And I am a little bit. You are. But only because I love you so much. You held it together, but you did forget the words. I did. What do you want to do?

I don't know where I'm going with that. I feel out in the wilderness right now. That's all right. I was hoping to somehow land this plane, but it's not going to land. It's just going to fly right into the sun with David 13 rows behind me. You know what's going to happen is you're going to get that same email and it's going to be a different...

Oh, I'm fully prepared to get that same email. And I'm fully prepared to shout at someone whose fault it isn't. Whose fault it isn't. Whose fault it isn't. I won. Huh? Oh, nominated for two Emmys, bro.

Two strips of bacon. Two strips of bacon on that Emmy burger. That's that good boy magic. Yeah. I changed the term. Thank you very much. Yeah, no problem. It was a little bit of Jew magic, though.

That was a lot. Now I don't know what I can say. I can say Jew magic. I can't say, I thought Jew was a good word. It's, I don't, I don't think we're going to figure it out tonight. That's fair. It's bigger than us. It's bigger than us.

It's bigger than us. Fuck yeah, it was awesome. We were on tour when I got nominated. I was fucking walking on air all over the lower east side. Could I order a drink from you? Is that possible? Could I have a Pabst and a double Jameson? Oh, I'll have

the same thing, please. Thank you. I'm all good for now. I got a lot of apple juice I'm still working on, but after I finish the apple juice, then I might have some Jameson. Thank you. Guys, tip a bunch tonight. Seriously. Take care of everybody. This is amazing. Tip double what you

were going to tip. It's fun. Don't talk about it, because I might pick it. What? I think he was going to... I was just going to say it's time for Sean's second pick. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sean, it's time for your second pick, Bubba La. You can say that. Bubba La. You can say that. Bubba La.

Bubba La. Oy vey. You're what they call a mensch. See, I know what I can and can't say. Oy vey! Pastrami? This just happened today,

but we were, so Ian and I were in the room, David was in the shower, and sometimes you forget because you're such good friends with somebody, like you forget. It's pretty big. You don't see it. Stan's David dick in the room. David was in the shower. And sometimes you forget because you're such good friends with somebody, like you forget. It's pretty big.

You don't see it. Stan's David dick in the shower. Come on, I had a funny job. That never happens. I've just been drinking. We were sitting there and we heard...

I've never seen it. I don't know. But I imagine the way he carries himself that it's pretty big. Bigger than I deserve. I'll say that. Anyway. I don't know, man. You forget sometimes that it can work.

That things can happen. Ian and I were sitting in the room today. Dave was in the shower and then we heard him as the voice of Comedy Central while we're on tour and it was one, like that things can happen. Ian and I were sitting in the room today, David was in the shower, and then we heard him as the voice of Comedy Central while we're on tour, and it was one of the best things that's ever happened. We just heard him do a commercial, and I was like,

fuck yeah, dude. There he is, naked in the shower. So yeah, hearing David on Comedy Central while we're on tour doing this, two really cool things that are all in the family,

and I love it. You didn't tell me that happened. Well, I didn't want to gas you up, but it happened. If we got to tell you every time we hear your voice on a major television network, you're going to be getting a lot of text messages. You have to talk to me twice.

It's not that hard. No, that's cool, man. What was it for? It was fucking tight. It was like... I don't remember. The Daily Show is brought to you by Away Brand Luggage. Yo!

Buy it. The Daily Show is brought to you by Away Brand Luggage. Yo! Buy it. The Daily Show is brought to you by Fuji's new sports water top. Because they have a sports top on the... Guys. Fiji does or Fuji? All right, man. You want to fucking fight then?

There's a mosh pit right there, playboy. I'm not going to try to love someone in there. I'll tell you that right now. I'm quick, man. I'm a little ankle biter. I'll get you. I'll come. I'll save you the time.

Thank you so much. I'll save you the time. Not I want it immediately. Eve. Tip Eve and clap for Eve so much. Thank you, Bubba. Thank you, Bubba. Oh, yeah.

Break it. Break it down for him. Show the cakes to him. Show the cakes to him. Show the cakes to him. Show the cakes to him. Hot girl summer. Hot girl summer.

Hot girl summer. Hey, David, will you please do me a favor and give him your ditty? Will you go give him your ditty walk? No, I'll do that at the end. I'll do it at the end. I'll do it at the end. I will do it, though. Don't let me...

Too thick, too thick. Better get you a toothpick. Yeah, girl. I know I cheat on you sometimes, but that doesn't matter. The song's going to be really good. We decided, because we don't want to do anything

that Sean's not involved in, is we're going to let him be the sexy talk down guy for Too Thick. Yeah, he's like the boys to men guy. So we're going to sing our songs which are like I only fucked you for the breakfast girl.

Which is a true story about a time or ten. The breakfast wasn't what you think. It was cereal. It was wasn't what you think. It was cereal. It was just because she had cereal. I know your omelette's gonna rock my world. I think it's sexy that you pay taxes.

Yeah. You've been talking about taxes a lot. If I could fuck your credit score, I would. Too thick's putting together the whole album right here Man, it's gonna be great Give me a ride to the bus stop baby You're singing like

what Laura's probably written in her diary so many times, like god damn it Had to give him another ride to the bus stop because he doesn't have a car We need to write a song about promising to leave before her roommate gets off work. That's my kind of love song. Let me piggyback that health insurance, girl. Hey, girl.

Just say we're married at the doctor's office. I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but... I'm gonna marry you for the dental. What did you say your Netflix password was again? Yo, I got recently iced out of an HBO password. Yeah.

I had it for a minute and then I was like, okay, you must be seeing someone. Good for you. Must have changed the password to Rick or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not David's Cool Dick anymore. Well, somebody please, you don't have to say anything, but just go change a password of yours to David's Cool Dick tonight, please. I might even do it. On it. That would be hilarious. The Wi-Fi in the Fortress of Solitudes.

Then you have to take that call from Chase tomorrow. Mr. Jordan. Oh, yeah. from Chase tomorrow. Mr. Jordan. Oh, yeah. Appears you have changed your password to

Sardavidboris coolass dick 87? And what of it? It requires a punctuation mark as well.

All right. Put an exclamation point. You could have been there anyway. Put two. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, hearing your voice on It Central today while we were out. It's a fucking trip, dude. I don't even watch TV like that, so I really haven't really heard it.

It was Kinane's voice for the longest time, who was also like a friend of ours, but also like somebody who put a lot of us on. The voice of Comedy Central before David was this guy, Kyle Kinane, who many of you probably know. Yeah, I mean. Who's an amazing stand-up comedian. I think he helped us all out. He took me on the road early.

Sean, you too. Still helps. He wore white jeans last night, though, so I might have to cancel it. We got to talk to him. We got to talk to him about that. But, dude, it's fucking a trip, man. It makes me feel... I don't know.

That, like, more than my numerous more than the my numerous and plentiful successes. Emmy nominations. Youngest head writer of a network TV show. One of the one of the nation's ten most handsome fat guys. I've gotten so many honors. So many honors. Even more than all that stuff, like, for some reason, that makes

me, I mean, be like, oh, we're really doing it, huh? Alright. That makes me feel good. Thanks, guys. For real. It's fucking beautiful. There we go. It's time for my second pick. I got to take fucking U Street in Washington, D.C. That was my second.

So me and Ian wandered off in Washington. I don't know how we got split up. I don't know either. Okay, so we were leaving the venue, and there were like 10 of us. And everyone's like, all right, we need to find a bar. And I got really anxious because there was no way that was going to happen. So Shane and I peeled off and went and did what Shane and I do, which is just stumble around and look for somewhere.

Which is complain about past relationships. So Shane and I broke off trying to find somewhere we could all go. So I wasn't actually around for U Street. They were doing lame shit. So Shane and I broke off trying to find somewhere we could all go. So I wasn't actually around for U Street. They were doing lame shit. And then it was me, Ian, and my friend from high school, Nick Salazar, who drove up to see us. And we started wandering around. And we ended up on U Street.

And it was the only people, and you're not, the only white guy there was Ian. And you were into it. So I was like, yeah, we'll find a bar here. Because Ian was just like, I love black people. And I was like, yeah, find a bar here because Ian was just like I love black people and I was like yeah man me too let's party

I said I like black magic I like magical black people she's a magic black woman I'm not sure I said I love black people did I say that? we were pretty drunk yeah I might have

and then we started so you know U Street is like in Washington Washington, D.C., that's the street where all the black clubs are. There's a lot of black nightlife on it. Yeah, right? I mean, for those of you who don't know. By that, he means just like a bunch of crotch rockets

and then those weird three-wheeler things. A lot of those three-wheeler things. Those things are so buck-looking. God, they're cool. One of them was Blasting Dreams and Nightmares by Meek Mill. And as soon as it came on, our pupils dilated. Yo, the whole street went nuts. Like, it went on,

and then everybody was twerking. Like, Ian is in so many premium Snapchat videos because of that. And, like, Dreams and Nightmares came on, and, like, we were walking by the motorcycles, and these girls started tweaking, twerking. A lot of meth on you, Steve. I was tweaking. You these girls started tweaking, twerking. A lot of meth on you, Steve. I was tweaking.

You were tweaking, they were twerking. And then everybody was rapping all the words. Ian was rapping the good words he could rap. He was doing the good ones. I was in there for 89% of the words. Yeah, and it was like, we were towel swinging. It was like, it was so fun. Hold on, wait a minute.

Y'all thought I was finished? When I cut that F in mine, y'all thought it was so fun. Hold on, wait a minute. Y'all thought I was finished? When I cut that F9, y'all thought it was ready? And I was, we were family with everyone around us. Yeah, it was so good. It was so much fun. Dog, we could have like stormed a castle with the energy we had on us. Oh man, I felt so tall. Is that what it feels like to be 6'3"?

Yeah, man. Yeah. All the time. It feels like getting twerked on by a stranger. Shit was weird. I was wearing these exact shorts and a t-shirt that had Black Bart Simpson as Damien Lillard that says Blaze the Nugs on it. And for some reason, I had it in my head that if I bribed the door guy enough, I could get

us into this really nice club. Yo, that's the other shit. Yo, you got... Ian went and got 200 bucks and was like, I'm going to get us in this club. And I was like, I don't think so. And Ian was like, be cool. Pie face and like, nah. He was like, be cool.

I'm going to say that you're an upcoming comedian, the voice of Comedy Central, and I'm your agent. And in my head, I was like, you are more famous than me. I don't know. I don't know why you would be the agent. Is this some type of Jew magic? Yeah. I think if I remember right, I said, and I'm your Jew agent.

I'm not here to hear you saying that. I'm not here to discuss that. In my drunken mind state, I thought I could play that role better than up and coming comedian. And then we didn't get in the club, but it's okay. And then we went to that bar, and you pass-blocked a guy, and then you threw a pizza box in the street. Oh, yeah. That's where I came back in. I was in the bathroom peeing, not even shitting, just a normal pee. It was a long pee, you know what I mean?

Sometimes you got a long pee. Only God can judge us. And I can hear these people outside of the bathroom like, what the fuck is taking so long? What the fuck even is this? And like jiggling the handle and being like, why the fuck is it taking so long? And that got my blood up. I was angry. So I opened the door. He's a hot boy.

I'm a hot boy. And there was a guy and another guy and two girls out there and I was like, the fuck were you jiggling the handle for? You know, my eyebrows went down. Oh, you got that pouty job. I got that. And we got into it. I forget exactly what was said, but it turned into me.

And, you know, from football, there's a triangle right here where you want to stick them, right? And I did. I was like, bam! And I was like, back the fuck off! Yeah, yeah, that's your comfort zone. And then he was like, fuck you, man! And I was like, fuck you, dog! And then I sauntered off, you know what I mean?

And then you came downstairs and said, hey, don't get all Elizabeth, but I think this guy's going to come fight us. Yeah. And he didn't. He was across the room, and he was with his girlfriend, don't get all Elizabeth, but I think this guy's going to come fight us. Yeah. And he didn't. He was across the room, and he was with his girlfriend, and his girlfriend was like, James, let's go. And he was like, fuck you, fatty.

Yeah. And you can't hurt my feelings by calling me fat. I've been fat forever. You know what I mean? I've heard it all. And you're saucing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like you're fat at home being sad.

Mm-mm. I'm fat, pass-blocking people and getting twerked on. Anyways, you street. Oh, yeah. And then I decided I wanted to go get something to eat, so instead of saying, hey'm fat, pass-blocking people and getting twerked on. Anyways, you street. Oh, yeah, and then I decided I wanted to go get something to eat, so instead of saying, hey, guys, let's go get something to eat, I picked up a pizza box

and frisbeed it into the street, and the bouncer was like, you got it, and I was like, leave? All right, let's go. We had to get kicked out at one point. Yeah. Is now the time to tell that story,

or is somebody going to tell it? No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. All right, all right, all right. Yeah, yeah. No, not yet tell it? No. Yeah, tell it. No, no, no, no. Okay. All right, all right, all right. Yeah, yeah. No, not yet. All right, all right, all right. All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right, all right. You three, bro. David, time for your second and your third picks. My second pick, what was the... Now I can't remember. Oh, in Minneapolis, we went out to like a club club. Oh, yeah. Like, not like a... Like, we're dive, we're dive bar boys.

It was the Poor House. It was called the Poor House. I think it's, like, a chain, but it was called the Poor House. We went to the Poor House. It was, like, a nightclub, like, dudes dancing, like, this and shit. That was me. You know what I mean? Stuff in there doing the dice thing.

Like, a lot of, like, cool kids. And we were in there, and, like, I don't give a fuck. I'm all drunk, so I started dancing. And I was, was like truthfully i was getting it like i don't want to like brag but i was really going for it i was only there for two minutes and that whole two minutes you were getting it yeah i was getting it he just walked in and then looked like looked around a little bit looked at me he's like no like from 30 feet away just shook his head and then oh no i walked right up to you and i was like and then left

but i was like we paid to get in here. I'm going to dance. So I was dancing, and I was dancing by myself, but I was, like, mixing it up. I was mixing it. And then I, like, accidentally kind of danced into this group of women, and this lady was, like, so shitty, so shitty. She was like, excuse me, could you not do that? We're trying to have a girls' night here.

We don't really want any of that energy. And I was like, ain't nobody trying to dance with you? And then I just, like, I just kept it pushing. And then, like, I was like, you know, fuck you. Like, I don't fucking care. I want to dance with myself. It's less pressure. And then when the lights came on, she came up to me and she was like,

I'm so sorry about that. You are beautiful. And I was like, man, get the fuck out of here. So yeah, dancing by myself is like, I was like, it was just like, I felt so vindicated because she was so rude. And I really wasn't like, I'm not out here. I could dance with myself.

That's the skill I have. I prefer it. Yeah, I don't want, I don't want, I'm going to come to your group of friends myself. That's the skill I have. I prefer it. I'm going to come to your group of friends. You look like you're having a fun time. I'm going to come and grind my penis on you. Chill. Chill. I'm a showman before anything else.

Ain't nobody trying to dance with you. It was really cool. I felt so cool. I went back to the hotel and went to bed, but I did see a picture from that night where somebody did nail a full splits. Do you guys remember that happening? On the floor? It wasn't Sean.

It wasn't me. Listen, if I could do the splits, I'd be doing them the whole show. I can't. I can no longer do the splits. It's the last time. I tried in San Francisco and my hip almost popped out. Try it. Try it.

Get it. Get it. Get it. Go down. Oh, boy. Wait, try it the other way. No way. I can't.

That's harder. Is that harder? From somebody who used to be able to do the splits heavily, this is the other way. No way. That's harder. Is that harder? From somebody who used to be able to do the splits heavily, this is the easiest way to do it. The Van Damme is the easiest way to do it. I tried. I tried as hard as I could. It is not an easy thing to do.

I used to be able to do it, but I can't anymore, and I feel like I upset everybody in this room. How the mighty of Fulham. Yeah, you'd never make the team now. Man. I'm sorry. Anyways, dancing by myself. That's my pick. I'm sorry. Anyways, Dancing by Myself. That's my pick.

I was very tight. And your third pick? Okay. So, my third pick... Your. Your. I don't like this. Acre Girl.

You got a little spicy on that one. Oh, Acre Girl. Oh, Acre Girl. There it was. So my third pick is when Sean went to South Dakota after, what was it, D.C.? Yes, I think so. After Philly. After Philly, Sean went to South Dakota to visit his family. Me and Ian stayed in New York.

And Ian was like, do you want to get one of my fancy rich guy dinners? Aw, damn it. And I was like, no, I don't want to get one of your fancy rich guy dinners, idiot. I'm going to eat halal on the street. Because that's how I get down. And then I was like, well, it wouldn't fuck me up. And I was like, yeah. And me and Ian went to Momofuku.

Momofuku. Specifically, Momofuku Co., David Chain's sit-down fixed-menu restaurant. They don't have one of those in Sioux Falls, so I didn't get to go. It's the most money I spent on food in one day in my whole life, and I've been to Costco.

Like, Costco certified. All this name brand shit. You guys see that on Instagram when David went to Costco and then posted that picture with his fridge door open and he was just doing the gangster lean down there? Like, look at all that Gatorade, dog. White Claw talking about name brand toilet paper. Oh yeah, I got coconut at the crib, man. I want you to have your electrolytes

if you come fuck with me. And we went to Mamafuku and it was the best. Like, I used to always hate fancy shit because I think it's corny. I'd be like, oh cool, you're fucking eating good and going to the doctor. That's lame. And then

it was like, the food was so good, I realized I didn't know what good food was. Like, does that make sense? Like, I ate a bite of some shit at Momofuku, and I realized, I used to think good food was just salty food. Like, I was like,

oh, this is really salty. It's pretty good. And then I ate the eggs. We ate, what was it? It was a soft boiled hen's egg with caviar from a black sturgeon coming out of it.

We ate two types of eggs. That's disgusting. We ate dual animal babies in one meal. It's like fallarome type shit. And it was with an aged butter on bread. And I didn't even care.

I gave that guy, I mean, I cared in the car. I was like, you're a... What's an aged butter? I don't know. Why don't you shut the fuck up? Wow. Wow. Sensitive little boy over here,

but I still would like to know, what is an aged butter? I think it's like an older butter. I don't know. It's a butter who listens to NPR. Kind of like a hot older brother. Like a butter who listens to Sade and has a white wine. Like a butter who thinks it's lame that you like Soulja Boy.

Yeah, like a butter that owns and doesn't owe any money on their Lexus. It's like a butter who tells you how much more you get late in college. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of a butter. All right. Now I know. you get late in college. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of a butter. All right. Now I know. So Momofuku Ko. Yeah, it was incredible.

The guy remembered Ian, which was wild. He was like, oh, I remember you last time you were here. I was like, do you remember? Shout out to Houston. His name's Houston. And Houston, though. What's up? We fuck in Houston.

Also shout out to Houston, though. Yeah, Momofuku. It was the most money I've ever spent on a meal. Probably ever gonna spend on a meal, truthfully. I think they knocked the drinks off the bill because we were saucing, too. I mean, and I don't think I looked like I had it like that. You had shorts on?

I was wearing white socks. They knew. Oh, we looked... I mean, that's one of the beautiful things about being fairly successful as we are at this point in our life. Should it continue? That's wonderful.

If not, at least we had this. I was like, half of my torso was covered in sweat. I had this hat on and this shirt on and probably these shorts on. And they had to pretend like they didn't think it was weird. Yeah. We looked like two hobos sharing...

They thought you played for the Blazers. They were like, Mr. Wallace, here's your ticket. We looked like two hobos sharing a fish skeleton. It definitely felt like we just got the money. Which I did. I just got it dropped four weeks ago.

Suck my dick. We got to run this stolen credit card before they get wise to our scheme. No, we look like scammers for real. But it was good, yeah. Momofuku-ko, the tasting menu. Delicious meal, dude. I didn't also know that you could just get...

I didn't know that they did it where they just give you 40 different plates of shit. Oh, yeah. Crazy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They do not do that. I got swine on my seats.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I thought Manny Fresh was here, huh? I did. It also took four hours. It took four hours. It was crazy. Anyway.

Hey, man, tip Eve if you're getting another beer. Yeah. Tip her big. I want you to tip her for twice the, about, oh, I can't talk. I just want him to get, okay, go ahead. With my third pick, I'm going to take something that's easy, but whatever, and like maybe it's corny, and it's a very Sean Jordy pick. Man, you can't get corny.

Which is not as dope, dude. Honestly, we've done like a couple live shows here and there. We've done some Portland things and I'm used to feeling the love in Portland and all that but like fucking meeting y'all has been amazing. Like just meeting the people who listen to the podcast.

Meeting the all family. It's fucking crazy. It's fucking crazy. It's fucking wild. Listen, and I know this is going to sound maybe like fake humility and I swear to God, it's not.

Like, you know, when I started doing this and then especially when these two came aboard, I was like, I don't know if anybody's really going to listen, you know,

and if they do, I don't know how much they're going to care about it. We do these fucking two hour episodes. Yeah, I didn't think it was long. I can't believe you guys listen to it. It's about it. We do these fucking two-hour episodes. Yeah, I didn't think it... I can't believe you guys listen to it.

It's, like, ridiculous. What are you doing? It's been so long. The more and more we did it, we would get these messages trickling in that are just, like, mean so fucking much to us, just, like, telling us that, like, it maybe got you through, like, a tough point in your life or, like, you know, you were going through something

and, like, listening to the podcast helped you forget about it for two hours and fuck it like and then to finally be able to like meet you in person in real life and be able to like give back that love you get to us it's like can i also say so fucking much yeah one session of our band specifically that like the juice The Jews. It's not the big... Those magic, magic Jews. No, I feel like our fans specifically, because of me and you, not to ice you out, Sean, but maybe not in the same way,

we got a lot of big dudes who were like, man, you guys make me feel like cool, man. And I'm like, yo, hell yeah, bro. Yeah, like we don't have to be fucking wack for being thick, dude. Because that's my whole life, man. And I'm like, yo, hell yeah, bro. Like we don't have to be fucking wack for being thick, dude. Because like that's my whole life was always trying to be like, I am a fat dude, but I'm like nicer than you are. Like I'm like nice with it.

I'm pretty cool. We can be 40% for you what Biggie did for us. You know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. That's all it is, dude. Each one teach one, bro. I'm just telling you guys what Biggie told me how to do, man. It just means so much.

There's a dude here tonight, man. There's a guy here tonight named Brennan. Brennan, where you at, man? Brennan? He didn't come. Right? Brennan? You're not Brennan?

Wait, where the fuck's... They're here, right? Hey, what up? Yo! Oh, shit, buddy. There's a dude named here, Brennan. He's beat cancer twice. Two times! Two times!

Two fucking times, bro! Can he come up and we give him a hug? Our fucking guy, Brennan. Like, man. And he didn't, his old lady hit us up and said that fucking Brennan fucks with us and like, you know, like that like

we were one of the things that you'd listen to after fucking going through chemotherapy and shit. And like, you did all that work, but the fact that we could be the soundtrack in the background for a second of it, fucking, I could, oh, I almost got that. Yeah, I don't know. It's a very good thing. It's amazing. I'm just real glad you're here, pal. I'm glad everybody's here. I'm glad we're here.

I'm not so stoked on Sean. It just means a lot, man. Thank you. That just is fucking cool. Yeah. What was your pick? Meeting the people, man. Meeting the fans.

Having fans. Speaking of which, we're going to take pictures with everybody after. If you want Meeting the people, man. Meeting the fans. Speaking of which, we're going to take pictures with everybody after, if you want to. Yeah, yeah. If you don't, you can go home. We'll just hustle up to the front.

But like, honestly, so a lot of those emails are like Instagram. A lot of people, you know, they'll come up and be like, that's so cool that you responded. It's not cool.

That's just how it should be. People should just respond because that's what happened to me. Slug did the same thing. He responded. So, you know, if anybody ever hits me up... Oh, you're talking about my friend Sean?

He kept calling him cool, Sean. Kept calling him cool, Sean. I almost had to beat his ass. But it's just the best thing in the world. Every one of those messages, I think we love responding to them just as much as if you like getting a response. If we can, we'll fucking throw it right back, man.

Yeah, fuck it. It's hard because Sean can't read, but we do. I choose to not read. We do get through. I see a book and I want to fight it. Shorty can't eat no books, dog. I see a book and I want to call upon my training not to read, but of taekwondo

to fight it. The book. Sean Jordan, time for your third and your fourth picks. Can I pick when I came out of the hotel and you told me this to fight it. Sean Jordan, tell me your third and your fourth picks. All right. Can I pick when I came out of the hotel and you told me this story? Yeah, dog. We're going to call it.

I'm going to say the texting incident. I might start crying again. All right. Yeah, you got to tell them the whole story. All right, here's the whole story. This isn't even the dark thing. You guys are going to love it. This isn't even the dark thing. Don't are going to love it. This isn't even the dark thing.

Don't leave! You can go if you want, but this is one of the funniest things. Are you going to be? Are you going to check with everyone who gets up? That's all right. Yeah, man, I feel close to these people. You're acting like the feds right now, David. That's the meanest shit you've ever said to me.

Shane and I came out of the hotel, and then Ian told all of us this story that he's about to tell you. This is in D.C. Phil, D.C. So, in Washington, D.C., David brought two of his friends. Shout out to Elizabeth, Colorado.

From Elizabeth to the show. He brought Elizabeth and Colorado to the show. His friend Nick, who was already mentioned when we were all on News Street together, and also his friend Julia, brings her friend. And they come to the green room and Julia and her friend

are both majoring in museum curation studies. Yeah, she's super smart. They're getting their masters in that program. Chat to Julia. She used to be on drugs. Now she's in college. Bro, you gotta quit calling. I hit it off with Julia's friend in the back. I'd recently been...

But he appreciated her front as well. Oh, come on. I've never heard you say that. Not even on that level. Honestly, honestly, honestly though, not even on that level. I was just like, oh, I found it very interesting what she was studying. I saw you guys talking.

It was a very good, looked like a fun conversation. I was talking about the British Museum in London, which is this amazing museum. And I was talking about it, how like, it's very shitty how the British stole everything. But it's kind of cool how it's all in one place so I can see it. It's a complicated thing. We were going back and forth. We were having a very wonderful conversation, right? And then we had to go do the show in All Fantasy Everything

live show in D.C. And we went and did it. What are you taking a little picture? My friend called me. I was like, I'm on stage. And we went and did the show. And then afterwards, we met back up with Nick and Julia and her friend. This was the U Street night. Yeah, this was the

same U Street night. And we went and hit the town. You know, we went to various locations. And, you know, and then eventually we got Julia and her friend. We got split up from them. And we went to U Street. I got twerked on. Whatever, whatever. The night happened. David and I got some chicken

that we ate in separate beds. Sean and Shane got chicken that they ate in the same bed. Like a they ate in the same bed. We sat our chicken in the bed and we both sat with crossed legs, almost looking at each other like, oh my God, do you want all the sweetens? You finish the sweetens.

And so much had happened in that night. It was such a vibrant and dynamic evening that I honestly forgot about that wonderful conversation I'd had with that woman. And we woke up in the morning after having consumed a lot of chicken. We woke up.

We had some chicken in the morning, too. Chicken in the morning as well. Chicken in the evening. We deaded our chicken that night. Shane and I went through three different kinds of chicken from the Chinese restaurant and 20 extra McNugs on top of that. And a couple egg rolls just to fucking top it off. Don't gasp at us!

Don't you gasp at us! All we are is a mirror! You did gasp. She gasped like sad, like, oh, honey. And we were watching Dangerous Minds the whole time too, if that makes it more fun. I had forgotten about the goings-on

from the evening before. And I woke up and I was scrolling through my phone the way one does after a lost evening. And I found in my text messages a message from the woman with whom I had had the engaging

conversation regarding museums in general and specifically London's British Museum. And the text message read as follows. You are so... She said, I had such a great talking...

It's alright. You got it. I was flustered too. I was flustered too. I had such a great time talking to you last night. You are so smart. You're so smart. I bet you read a lot of books.

In fact, I bet you're reading a book right now, which is too bad because I wish you were having sex with me right now. She texted him that. And that's exactly how I responded that's exactly what I did too he read it to me I was like yeah boy we're on

hot boy summer city boy city boy city boy city boy like I was screaming at him he was right out in front of the hotel in DC hot boy summer I did say hot boy summer like 40 times and then continue. I read the text message.

And I was like, oh. A missed tryst, I see. I shared it with David. I shared it with Sean. I shared it with Shane. Because we're friends. I shared it with David's friend, Nick. Oh, great.

Oh, great. I don't even know why y'all do this. Even Shane was hyped. He was like, that's a good deal, Bubba. Oh, Bubba, you should have answered that text. Sean and I were in Chinese food. I'm happy for you, Bubba. When you were at the bathroom or something, he was like, Ian's got game, brother.

People like him. But the message honestly did take me by surprise a little bit. I didn't know we had connected on that level. I thought it was more of a like, okay, just an interesting conversation. But the more I thought about it, I was like, yeah, you know. Yeah, you're just looking in the mirror like you're Ian. You're a charismatic guy. You just got nominated.

You're about to be nominated for two Emmys. She saw you up there on stage just handling business. You can see where that could happen. And I felt bad because I know, you know, the nerve it takes to send a message like that. Put yourself out there like that. The chutzpah, if you will. Jew magic.

Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. magic. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yes. I'm back in. I'm back in.

I'm back in. I'm back in. I'm back in. Is that what chutzpah is? Well, chutzpah is like nerve, but yeah, Jew magic. Yeah, Jew magic. And I didn't want to leave her hanging,

so I sent another message. I replied. I was like, hey, in the post-show fracas, and I didn't want to leave her hanging, so I sent another message. I replied. I was like, hey, in the post-show fracas, and I used that word. He said fracas to a woman. Fracas in response to a sext. Fracas.

The first time that's happened, we continue to break ground. I said, in the post-show fracas, I missed this message, and I'm so sad that I did. You were brilliant and gorgeous. Of course I would like to have sex with you, too. It seems like it would be really fun, like you'd be quoting facts about Crete

the entire time we were having sex. You are not ready. Is that the island? Is Crete an island? It's an island. It's a, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the first time you said that, I was like, I'm more of a pavement guy. But I thought it in my head.

I thought it in my head. It's a Greek isle. Shockful of history. Yo, you want to go fuck on the Crete? Nah. I'm a wood chip pussy getter. Yeah, that was the worst thing I've ever said. David, boring.

It sounded so bad. Anyway, please, please keep regaling. I sent her that message and a few hours went by. And I'm like, she hasn't responded. She must be embarrassed. I get it. And I sent another one that was like, Hey, I was like,

Hey, you know, I hope you're not feeling embarrassed about last night. We really did have a great connection. It was so cool to meet you and everything. And maybe if I come back to D.C., we can hang out. And then some time went by and I sent another message.

I said, oh, okay. Are you gonna make me wait 12 hours for a response like I made you wait 12 hours for a response? And David and I are in Philadelphia. You're not ready.

You're not ready. The night after our show in D.C. I've been hyping him up all day. All day. I'm like, yo, you got the sauce, boy. Like, I told him, I was like, I said hot boy summer like 40 times. Dave was in the shower,

and my phone lights up, and there's a text message from that number. And it says... Hey, Ian. Hey, Ian. You sent me those messages from my phone last night. While you were doing it,

I told you you wouldn't remember doing it, and you said you would.. . . . . . You don't get better stories than that.

It's impossible. You said you thought it would be funny, so I just let you send those messages. . I just want you send those messages. I just want to be very clear, I was there last night to support Julia and David and not for any other reason. And then I sent 30 different I'm sorry messages, deleted the whole thread,

and swore to never speak of it again. Until I told them about half an hour later. And then all of you right now. Oh, man. One of the more profound and ponderous L's I've taken in a long career of taking occasional L's. So, Sean, you took that? And... I just...

That was... It's one of the funniest stories I've ever heard in my whole life. It's like... Because you're gripped. You're gripped. And then you're like, yeah, this is going good.

And then the texts don't come back and you're like, he fucked it up. And then you're like, oh, he fucked... Because it's also like, I know you well enough to...

I could totally see you doing that and think you were saucing. Yeah, dude. You're like, I know you well enough to, I could totally see you doing that and think you were saucing. Yeah, dude. You're like, oh, you want my number? I'm going to send you a text. Beep, boop, bop, boop, beep, boop, bop. Jew magic. It was like, drunk Ian was like,

quit fucking making me drink all that tequila, you prick. All right, here's what you get. I just, and then the fact that you come out, that's it, you prick. All right, here's what you get. And then the fact that you come out, you realize how comfortable you are with somebody when you come out and tell them that, because a lot of people would take that to the grave. They'd text you back and be like, nobody hears about this ever? Is that cool? Can that happen?

Yeah, that's why I love you. Specifically, none of my friends. And then the first thing he did was like, I gotta tell you guys something. Yeah, I came out of the shower. It's pretty funny. I came out of the shower and he was like he was like, he's sitting there next to the chicken. And he was just laughing to the

like laughing just into the wall just I am such an idiot. Oh man. It only hurt my feelings for two minutes, which is not how I know therapy's working. Yeah, that's because you've been... Go to therapy, folks. Oh, it's therapy the reason.

Sean, your fourth pick. My fourth pick has just been... So I've got to see a lot of the country I've never seen. We've driven a lot of this trip. And my fourth pick is a combination of two different things. Pizza Hut Taco Bell. Huh? Yeah, KFC and Taco Bell. Combination.

I got to see the White House, which was pretty cool. It's too bad there's a dip shit living in it. But there's... Well, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. So the White... Seeing the White House was a really cool thing. I've just never been out there. But then the other part to what I get to have this be one of my picks is this joke that has been being told about the White House to numerous Uber drivers and things of that name.

Numerous crowds. Oh, you don't even know how. If you'd please tell. I'm going to blow it for you, too, because I don't even think you know how this came about fully. Well, let him tell the joke and then tell me that. Let me tell the joke first. Okay, you tell the joke. So, hey, we the joke first. Okay, okay, you tell the joke. So, hey, we should go see the White House today.

Go to the White House? Yeah, I want to go see the White House. You want to go see the White House? I wouldn't mind going to see the White House. You know what I've been calling it recently? What have you been calling the White House recently? You're going to like this. You guys are going to love it, but you're going to like it.

You're going to love this. You guys are gonna love it, but you're gonna like it. You're gonna love this. You know what I've been calling the White House? What have you been calling the White House? Because of the goings-on. Political and otherwise. Political and otherwise. Recently, I've taken, and you can use this. You have my

full permission to use this. I've taken to calling the White House the loony bag okay okay but listen so here's the thing so many people have looked at me and been like that's not a good joke and I'm like I know that and you don't even know the next

so Ian said that to me when Sean was in the bathroom and Sean was in the bathroom and Ian said it to me and I was like the bathroom. And Sean was in the bathroom and Ian said it to me. And I was like, that's trash. So I thought it would be fun. No, you laughed as hard as I've heard you laugh in my life. Listen to me. I heard you do like a David laugh.

That's what I'm trying to tell you about this bit that you love. Unclench your fist. Ian did it. And I, with no smile on my face looked at Ian and just did a giant fake laugh. So Ian told me that joke and I said, ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! And Sean heard that and came out and looked at me and looked at Ian and said, what's going on? And then Ian told the joke and Sean heard that and came out and looked at me and looked at Ian and said, what's going on? And then Ian told the joke

and Sean started laughing. I never laughed at the joke. I always knew it was dumb. It's an amazing joke, first of all. If you think it's dumb, you're not really paying attention to the goings-ons. That might be it.

Political and otherwise. I'll tell you the truth. Most of my Twitter is butts. Twitter and Graham? Okay, you're going to judge me? Learn how to read. I know how to read. I choose not to.

I don't do TV. I don't do agents. That's a personal choice. Personal choice. All right. Time for my fourth pick. As it is. A serpentine draft. I mean, you're in the middle. I don't know why I said's a personal choice. Personal choice. All right. Time for my fourth pick. As it is. A serpentine draft.

I mean, you're in the middle. I don't know why I said that. It's all right. You can say whatever. Here's a weird one, but I like it. The fact that we've been on tour for like two straight weeks and a couple shows before that, the fact that we haven't taken any pictures

makes me so happy. Because it means... What do you mean? We haven't really... Like, we've taken pictures of the fans. Oh, you mean like stopped and taken photos and stuff? Just all of us were like, we're never like, do it for the gram.

We're like, let's take a picture. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, I don't do it for the gram. No, no, no, I know, but like... I told you I go to Instagram for butts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not for memories, dog. Just the fact that we've been so engaged in everything that's been happening,

and we've just been living in the fucking moment. I don't know. I see so many people doing shit just so they can put it up on social media, and it makes me very happy that none of us have been doing that. Oh, you guys haven't even seen the best shit we've done. Not that there's anything wrong with throwing shit up on social media, but the fact that we've never been like, well, let's take a picture. I don't know.

That's just been cool for me. I took a picture today because it said Porkin' Lot. I did too. I took a picture of the Porkin' Lot. We stopped at a sandwich place. Ian didn't tell us what was going on. We just pulled into this place, and we parked in right in front of us. It said the Porkin' Lot.

Then we looked over, and there was like a whole sausage area, like a whole sausage shop. Like a whole sausage shop. It was called our car. You don't have to be like. You're not going to not pull it when there's a number of signs that are like sausage, smoke sausage, summer sausage, beef jerky, pulled pork sandwiches, subs. And I was like, all right, yeah, yeah. That's like. We both got a sub called... That's the code

to unlock Ian Carmel. I'm gonna pull off... Still a lot of meats. We got a sub called The Triple Threat. Yeah. You know what? We called it The Triple Threat. Looking back, it was called The Triple Treat, but... Was it really? Yeah. Damn. Like I said, Sean can't read.

Maybe I can. I don't know. I'm just a big fan of shit where you're like, and again, I'm not against social media at all. I'm on there all the time. But like, I just, it's cool to me that like we were so fucking involved in everything that was going on that it was never like a,

we just didn't take a lot of pictures. And to me, that's a sign of a really successful trip. I got them up here in God's Instagram, bud. You know what I mean? Right here in the temple. It's called MySpace, dude in God's Instagram, bud. You know what I mean? Right here in the temple. It's called MySpace, dude. God's Instagram. They're in the cloud.

All right, David, time for your fourth and your final picks. And now you can say as it is. A serpentine dragon. I've never met that David before. You know. There's a lot of David. He out here. I'm a grown man.

The loony bin. All right. Come on. And again, I want to emphasize, y'all can use that. Take it with you. It's not copyrighted. That's part of your ticket. No one would copyright it.

Somebody set that up over an email. Make that like a 30 email thread. Sorry, the White House? Do you mean the loony bin? Because of the goings on. Political and otherwise. I'm the head writer of a major network television show.

You know that comes with the Ian Carmel stamp of approval. I'm picking my hot dog debacle and triumph of Chicago. Oh, I forgot about that. The hot dog debacle. I fucking blew it in Chicago. And you guys

know me, I don't blow it a lot. I mean, I mean I mean It's a different response than when we announced the topic But it's the same Okay then you know me I blow it constantly Thank you but I try really hard And I think that's all that matters.

Please, please tell the story. So we got to Chicago, and I had been wanting a Chicago dog the whole time. He'd been talking about it. I was just, and I was like, man, and it was just like, in a corny way in my head, I was like, man, it'd be so fun. We're gonna go to Chicago.

I'll be with my bros. We're gonna get some Chicago dogs. We're gonna do a show. It's gonna be so much fun. And so we got to Chicago. I had to go do a voiceover We're going to get some Chicago dogs. We're going to do a show. It's going to be so much fun. And so we got to Chicago. I had to go do a voiceover and they were hanging out in the hotel. Because he's the voice of Comedy Central. He is the voice of Comedy Central.

I had to go to work. And then I come back and I called them on the phone. They weren't in the hotel room, which hurt my feelings. But whatever. Because I was like, oh, they're going to activities without me. That's fucking cool. We were out gallivanting. We went to a Starbucks where there was a hot cop.

It was weird. And you know that I eat, and you also know that I hate Starbucks, so I appreciate that. I know, that's why we went to get coffee. I don't hate it, but it's just like... You don't like coffee. We went to get coffee. I don't like coffee, so we go and But there was a hot cop. It was weird. So either way, they were over at Starbucks with iced coffee bay or whatever.

And I came back to the hotel, and I was hungry, and I called them, and I was like, hey, guys, I'm going to Postmates some Chicago dogs to the room for all of us. And then Ian was like, I'm good. He really sucked the wind out of his sails. It sucked, dude. I was so excited. And Ian was like, nah, probably not. And then Sean was like, I'm not going to do it.

Is that your impression of me? No. Is that your impression of me? Is that your impression of me? Is that your impression of me? I'm not an impressionist. I'm a surrealist. Everybody knows that.

Anyways, I called them. I was like, you guys want to get some Chicago dogs? And they were like, no. So we went to the restaurant in the hotel. And it was fine. I didn't really love it. But whatever. We got some appetizers.

But it was later than we thought it was. So we were like, cancel the entrees. It's just the appetizers. And I was like, oh shit, I'm going to hook my friends up. I'm going to be cool. I'm going to get some Chicago dogs delivered to the venue. Sounds fun in theory. Like a genius.

So we get to the venue. I post made it three Chicago style dogs, baby. All the fixings. Give me that. Kiss celery salt and all the bullshit they have on them. Sport peppers. Pickle.

So it came. I went out to the street. I got it. I came upstairs to the green room. I broke bread. I was like, man, these are my mans right here. I got hot dogs for each of you. I got these hot dogs for my mans. I got hot dogs for each of you. I got these hot dogs for my mans.

I got these dogs for my mans in there. Open the bag, reach in, grab a hot dog, to my friend. I shouldn't have ate it. I opened the bag, and they were all plain. Nothing on them. They just gave me... I got a bag full of wieners. Yeah. I got a bag full of wieners I got a bag full of three dicks

three dogs, three buns like that kid on your baseball team growing up who was allergic to everything so they had to here you go Dale like that kid whose mom isn't coming back like fucking three dogs no condiments

not even condiments in the bag. They didn't even hit me off with some ketchup like just in case. Nothing. Just three naked hot dogs on naked buns. And I felt so bad. And I felt what I thought at the time was righteous indignation. I was like, fuck this. Fuck Wiener Circle.

Fuck Chicago. Fuck Illinois. Fuck everybody thater Circle. Fuck Chicago. Fuck Illinois. Fuck everybody that ever been in this motherfucker. Fuck no tipping, pipping. Fuck Twister. I don't give a fuck. I will condemn this whole city. Jojo Capone, burn that motherfucker down.

We did not throw William the Refrigerator Perry under the bus out of respect. Yeah, he's one of ours. He's good. Out of respect. Yeah, he's one of ours. Out of respect. Yeah, so David thought that they fucked up. And then what happened? Everything they said to me, they'd be like, oh, David, do you want a bottle of water? And I would be like, oh, you know what I want is some celery salt and tomato on my hot dog because it hydrates it and makes it moist. You were surly.

Every single thing I said was about that. Eve, could I do another... Thank you. Could I do another double Jameson and a Pabst? I'll do it, too. I can't let him do it alone. I can't let him do it alone. Guys, tip Eve.

If you guys tip Eve less than 10 bucks, you can't take a picture. David was of a foul demeanor. A cold wind was blowing in off of Lake Michigan. I was so mad. I was like, fuck this, bro. Fuck this. And then Ian.

You thought we had been wronged. And then Ian goes. I went to look on Postmates. Ian went to the fucking. I went to the Wiener Circle. Why'd you have to check me? I'm your dude. You just ride for me.

I was riding. We talk about whether it's right or wrong later. I went and looked. And you have to add all of the toppings individually. This dipshit blew it. It hurt my feelings so bad. And that's why Ian's such a good friend. Yo, he didn't even say it mean.

Like if Sean had found it first, I'd have never heard the end of it. Ian was just like, oh, Bubby, you didn't do it right. Bubby? Bubby. Bubby it first, I'd have never heard the end of it. Ian was just like, oh, Bubby, you didn't do it right. Bubby? Bubby. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, Bubby, you didn't do it right. Bubba looks like he gotta add the topics individually. It's a fucking crazy world out there. Like a fucking moron, but then the good part,

a guy from the show, during the show, postmated me a real Chicago dog and brought it up to the stage and then I crammed a real Chicago dog and brought it up to the stage and then I crammed a real Chicago dog on stage, which is some fat kid shit, but also one of the better moments of my life.

I'm sure you guys will hear it when he eats a hot dog on the show, so yeah. Which I'm sure you guys will hear when I eat a dog on the show. It wasn't naked though. It had some stuff on it. David, time for your final pick. As it is. The Serpentine Draft.

Serpentine Draft. I'm taking the Hispanic Titanic. I'm taking doing two cities with Shane Torres. We had him on tour. It was so much fun. He was wearing shorts. And that's a guy who's not used to shorts. He didn't know how to do it.

Mid-level ankle socks. White. Weird move. Oh, made me want to cringe. Cut-off denims. Which, like, bro, cut-off denims are for Daisy Dukes. You don't need to be out here. It was fine.

He looked fine. It was just those socks. It looked wild. It looked wild. Get those socks out of my face. But it was so dope having Wyatt Burp around with us for a few days. Because Sean has this energy that's so nice that you think because you listen to the podcast. But then you don't realize in the dark, he's rude and mean.

Oh, yeah. Sean is mean when Shane gets around. Not at all. I like everyone here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Keep doing that. This is like when somebody, like,

this is like a domestic abuse situation where he's like, no, I love my kids. When Shane gets around... He loves with the belt. You know what I'm talking about? It's not quite that serious. No, that's fair. I did go hard.

Yeah. When Shane gets around, Sean gets a little glint in his eye. It is hard. You go so hard on Shane. You guys love it, and you eat it up, but you realize Shane did nothing to provoke it other than have a poor fashion sense.

That's all he did, and then Sean's like, this is a piece of... It's the kind of thing... Establish in 1981. It's a brilliant title. Shane will be wearing cut off jeans and there'll be some

like denim threads hanging down and Sean will be like, what are those doing? Running away from your gross dick? Yeah, and that's how it is

all day. But he does it, he does it on the podcast so you don't realize that when you're with Shane, Shane got him. Shane got him. Shane got him. Like, he'll say some shit and it'll be like, at least someone's run around my dick before.

Like, Shane's so funny. Like, he snaps your shit back. Like, Shane checks you like crazy. And I love it because you don't realize because it's one-sided. All you hear is what Sean says about Shane. If you heard what Shane says about Sean, oh, my God, it's one-sided. All you hear is what Sean says about Shane. Have you heard what Shane says about Sean? Oh, my God, it's beautiful. Yeah.

At least I've been on TV, you filthy Irish fuck. He'll be like that. I don't do TV. It's a conscious choice. You know who does a lot of TV? The two of you and Shane. Shane Torres. Yeah, yeah.

Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. I don't know if I would use the word a lot of. I mean, if you're talking about the two of them. Oh, between the two of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too thick. Too thick. Anyways, basically

I love having Shane out. I love to have him around with us. And I love watching him check Sean because it's fun. It's fun to watch your buddy get made fun of. You know when you have a buddy and you think he's saucing and then you meet his big brother and he's like, oh, you little punk.

That's how it is when Shane's around because I didn't come up in Portland with you so I didn't know. And then Shane comes around and he's just like, he's dunking on Sean. Let's be honest. Oh, no, it's a dunk contest.

They dunk on each other all night. But Shane is Spud Webb in some of them. Like, Shane's like, Shane's dunking on Sean. Yeah, but to be Spud Webb, you got to be 5'8". That's the thing about it. Either way, Shane. Just having Shane out. That's a fun pick.

I like that. Just Shane. Our fans love him. I love that he dunks on you. Because I don't ever make fun of you like that. People are like, be nice to Sean. I'm like, have you seen what Shane says to Sean in the room? Flip it.

What Sean says to Shane. Oh, okay. We're all geniuses here. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Not everybody's drinking doubles of Jameson on the last night of tour. I have a Cuddy Stark picture. I was going to go home.

My final pick, my final pick, is going to be a short one. There you go. It's going to be a short one. Thank you. But it was a pick where I went. Thank you. Thank you for your pick.

Oh, shit. You're pouring into the... Three hours ago, maybe even less, David and I were both like, I don't know, I don't think I'm going to drink that much tonight. Then we got that email. I forgot about that. If we're going to be in college, we're going to be hungover and reeking of whiskey, you fucks.

Yeah, if you're going to have to deal with my fat, you're going to have to deal with all of it. Send a text message to your girlfriend. If I'm going to be sitting there where my thigh is blocking the places where the headphone goes in so I can watch a movie, I'll... Bro, you know the shit about it?

I'm not even mad about it. I'm not even mad about it. I'm like, yeah, I was too fat to fly before. Now I got some... Oh, man. Fucking four hours! Fucking, God. Also, am I going to get some kind of

fucking refund? Restitution? I don't know. But now is not the time to figure it out. My final pick was a roller coaster of emotions. It was in Chicago. And I stood up to do something. I don't even remember what. But we were sitting in flimsy plastic folding chairs.

No, they were strong enough. They were flimsy plastic folding chairs. Oh, my God. No, they were strong enough. They were flimsy plastic folding chairs. And I got up, and I was doing something, and I dropped my ass back in the chair, and I felt it buckle underneath me. And I was wearing the Rashid jersey with no shirt underneath for some reason. It was hot.

Because it was hot. It was so hot. And I was on the floor, and I fell to the floor and I was probably only down there for like one or two seconds but it felt like months. I was just like you did it.

You fucking did it. All around me are familiar faces. Worn out places. I don't get the bit. You fat fuck. You broke the fucking chair in front of all these fucking people. You could have had a fucking salad for lunch,

but no, you didn't. You fucking didn't. You had a fucking submarine sandwich, you fat piece of shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? We had a lot of salads, though. Get your fucking shit together, dude. Why don't you get your fucking shit together, Carmel,

you fat motherfucker. Now you're lying on the floor like a big fat piggy where you deserve to be. And then I looked back, and it turns out that the leg of the chair had somehow found a gap in the stage and fallen into the stage and the chair didn't break. It was the stageless fault. You, bro. Me, bro! You! Fucking me, dog! You, bro.

Me, bro! You! Fucking me, dog! You, bro. Y'all, too? Like, all y'all? All y'all? But, like, honestly, dog?

You, bro. Fucking me, dog. Fucking me, bro. Not, noy, not. Not ever! Never! How often do I break chairs? Never!

It wasn't me. it was the fucking stage I'm fine I do healthy stuff we have eaten a lot of salads we have we've actually been pretty good it's probably like 60% salad 40% pure beef tallow salad. Yeah, we've actually been pretty good. It's probably like 60% salad. Yum, yum, yum. 40% pure beef tallow.

I only ate seafood on the East Coast. I mean, lobster rolls are all... Yeah, we see food, we eat it. You're seriously not laughing at all The loony bin You're seriously not laughing at all. The loony bin. Bubby. We see food, we eat it.

Get out of here. Get out of here. I gotta pee. Sean, make your pick oh man I'm trying so hard not to pee we see it you know cause any food we see it we eat it I'm not laughing

it's cause you're crying are you talking to me, Ian, or Sean? It's better in your head than it is in real life. I was going to say. Just imagine it and you got it. No, it's pretty good in real life. Sean? It's time for your final pick.

The final pick of the draft. So my final pick about this, and tell me if I'm bouncing on the handlebars a little too hard, but the final pick would be realizing that this is actually something that people enjoy, like for real. Like going out...

Because I enjoy it. I've never, I've got, not like I haven't been unlucky. I've had an amazing childhood. I've had an amazing life. I wouldn't change a thing. But you start doing something like stand-up or whatever. You want to change a couple things about your life? No, I'm kidding.

You start doing something like stand-up or whatever. You get in. David put my hat on backwards. You look choice, bro. There's a part of me that hasn't been out in a while. In like decades. It's alright to tell me what you think about me. I won't try to argue

or hold it against you. I know that you're leaving. You must have your reasons. The seasons are falling. When I'm calling now and it'll happen once again. You'll turn to a friend. Someone who understands. Sees through the master plan plan And everybody's gone And you've been here for too long Faces on your own Augustus is growing

Oh yeah I got my shit Na na na na na na na. Oh yeah. Oh! Oh yeah. I got my shit. I had my phases. Don't think I was always the cool G you see up here sitting right now. No one thought that. I've always been the same old G, but I used to have some phases. Na na na na na na na na. Na na na na na na na na.

This is my least favorite bit. Na na na na na na na. Na na na na. Sean Jordan, your pick. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Sean Jordan, your pick. I don't care if you like this bit. I love it. Just realizing that I'm a part of something that is really, really good. That a lot of people enjoy.

You going to let me get through it or are we going to keep doing bits? We going to do that? What are we going to do? Let's pick. Let's pick. Because one of these is going to be real serious, but we can keep doing bits if we want. David. I got your bits swinging.

Realizing that this is something that is very good And it helps people That people get through things That people use this to get them through rough times That they can listen to this when they're feeling bummed Because I have that I have my version of that And to think that we can be that for anybody else Is absolutely amazing

And it's the best thing I've ever been a part of It really is There's no bullshit The fact that this place is completely full of people. Came out on a Sunday night. The Lion King is out right now. You guys don't know us. You guys could all be at the Lion King.

And you're not. You're here. Yeah, you could all be. You said they don't know us. They kind of know us. Yeah, you know me more than my Uncle Steve for sure. That's only the second time I've heard you talk about it. They kind of know us. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway, he sucks. Y'all dink. That's only the second time I've heard you talk about it. He's a prick.

Anyway. He sucks y'all dink. That's my last pick. Steve sucks y'all dink. Beautiful pick. That wraps up the moments from the AFE Summer Breeze Tour. All fans, everything wrapped. Timmy.

Was it alright? It was alright? It worked. Come on. We never fucking let you down. Not with all this Jew magic on stage. I was partial to the black magic. Nothing when I say it. Am I too white?

Too white? Too white. Oh, wait. Too white. Oh, wait. Too white. And David just smothers me until I die. David, boy, you had the first pick. You drafted first, and you took saying how we love each other before every show.

And I do love you guys so much. You took dancing by yourself in Minneapolis and telling that lady, ain't nobody trying to dance with you. I felt good about it. And then you took that beautiful meal we had at Momofuku Co. Shout out to the pineapple-inflected razor clams. Most money I've ever spent in one time. And then you took the hot dog debacle in Chicago.

And then you took hanging out with Sugar Shane Torres for two tour dates. Hell yeah. And his ankle took hanging out with Sugar Shane Torres for two tour dates. Hell yeah. And his ankle socks. Alright? He's learning about shorts though. It's a steep curve. Oh, great. Oh, good. Alright. I went second. I took the outdoor show we ended up doing

in Columbus. The night we had on U Street in Washington, D.C. Getting to actually meet the fans up close and personal and fucking give the love back that they give us all the time. The fact that we took no pictures on this trip because we were very present and just fucking enjoying every moment. I took some IG stories, though, dude. I'm sorry.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's a different thing, though. I mean, that's a different thing. It's a whole other movie. A lot of that was promotional. And then the Chicago stage where I thought I broke a chair, but it turns out I'm the picture of health. Emily is a doctor.

She can check you out, bro. I'm not eating a drink and anything for the next month. He does go to the gym, though. I just walk around. Every day. How much do you think we walked around today? Hella. Sean!

You went third and you took meeting and doing a show with Slug from Atmosphere. I walked more than you, though. Yesterday was 4.5, though. Sean, David, come on. The most important pick of my whole history of the show. You took meeting and

hanging out with Slug from Atmosphere. And then hearing David's voice on Comedy Central when we weren't expecting it. Didn't tell me it happened. And then you took me and my Big L. Big L, rest in

peace for sure. You do throw slugs at idiots no love for city cops. I had a good tour other than that, in that department. Oh, I'm going to just say it now, then. Ian got laid three other times on this tour. So don't cry for him. Don't feel bad. He was like on some bang, bang, bang shit.

Yeah, he had new people he hadn't met before. High court. Yo, hot pocket. It could be four if you play your cards right. If that works for you, I'm going to kill myself. I got my own hotel room and they have hair honey in it. Yeah, and body balm. Yeah, body balm.

And I have some of those pork snacks from the place we stopped for the sandwiches. And I'm going to Postmates some Sonic. If I have to put anything else out there to get laid, I don't want to get laid. Anyways, what were, yeah. Just joking. Then you took seeing the White House and having me call you over for a second and say, hey. Wait, hold on, hold on.

Have you been, have you been calling it anything? Hey, hey, say, hey. Wait, hold on, hold on. Have you been calling it or anything? Hey, hey, hey. I don't want the Secret Service to hear this. Why don't you want the Secret Service to hear this? I just don't know. How they'd react to it. Well, I'll listen. I'll listen real close. What do you want? Okay, because you see that building right there? Yeah, the White House.

Where the President lives? It's called the White House. The White House? Yeah, the White House. The Tower. Lately? Recently? Sure. Within the past two and a half to three years? What you been calling that shit? Because of the goings on.

Tell him what you call that shit. Tell him what you call that shit. I've been calling that the loony bin. I've been calling that the loony. Yeah, he's a bummer, man. No one's disagreeing there. And then what do we got? Honestly, I hope he... And then your final pick?

Your final pick is realizing that what we do up here, the three of us and an occasional fourth guest and all of our mishigas, is something people actually love and enjoy. And we love it just as much. It is like, but seriously, seeing you guys all here, especially in a place that we haven't been, I do, I do...

Melts my heart. I get to do this show with two of my friends every week. I don't even... I never think about it like broadcasting out to people. No, why would you? We're in a living room. I'm happy because I get to go hang out with you guys. So the fact that people listen to it and identify with it is like...

Thrilled. So thank you, everybody in this room. Thank you to Pieces. My heart wants to melt. We didn't leave that much on the road, on the board, just like road trips

were cool. You saw some big bugs at some of those bathrooms. Oh yeah, a big fly like that big. There was a fly like that Oh, selling stuff out. We didn't sell stuff out a lot.

We sold a bunch of venues out. That was cool. The meet and greets have always been cool. What's we're going to do after this? Take a picture with us, please. I almost bought some shoes in New York.

I almost bought some shoes. We were so cool in New York. We were saucing in New York. I mean, I didn't have sex with a woman because I'm a loser, but like... I'm not actually a loser. You're not married, David. Not yet. Yeah, I know.

You proposed to me. Jesus Christ, David. Laura, don't take him. That's a funny flex. Yeah, I know. You propose it? Jesus Christ, David. Laura. That's a funny flex. You're not married. Not yet. Yeah, motherfucker. Those were our picks. We want to hear yours as well.

Real quick, I want to talk to you about drugs and alcohol for a few minutes. They're pretty fun. Go for it Please hit us up At All Fantasy Pod on Twitter All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com Shout out to everyone On the AFE subreddit

Thank you for fucking with us since day one Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon We fucking love you You really make it possible for us to do shit like this sincerely. And if you haven't joined,

shame on you. No, we still love you. We still fucking love you. I got a job. I got some money either way. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa

back in Los Angeles. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel in Portland, Oregon Shout out, shout out, shout out Shout out to St. Kelly in Sioux Falls, South Dakota Shout out, shout out, shout out Shout out to fucking Frankie Ocean Shout out to Sid the Dude Shout out to Haji Beats

Shout out to fucking Detroit, Michigan, motherfucking Yeah Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to fucking Detroit, Michigan, motherfucker. Yeah. Shout out to 8 Mile. Shout out to 9 Mile, 10 Mile, 11 Mile. Shout out to the fucking Magic Bag. Shout out to Eve, dog. Shout out to Eve.

Shout out to the deli platter we got in the back. Mwah. And more important than all of that, shout out to Rasheed Wallace, doggies. Rasheed! Shout to Ben Wallace. Shout to Rip Hamilton, brah. Shout out to Taylor Oncrantz.

Shout out to Chauncey Billups. Smile high till I die. Denver is all Chauncey Billups. And more important than even all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything! Shacklocker Day! that was a hate gun podcast