All Fantasy Everything - (Our) Mid-life Crises (w/ Zak Toscani)

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

I'm having one right now!Guest:Zak Toscani (X @zak_toscani, IG @zaktoscani)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we're drafting our midlife crisis. Our guest today is stand-up comedian, friend of the podcast, Zach Toscani. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Doing the old school intro. I like it. Doing the old school. Bringing it back for the summer. Come on. I guess I'm excited. Bringing it back for the summer, you know. Bringing it all back for the summer. This is our first podcast after returning from the tour.

Oh, yeah. Thank you, everyone, for coming out. This is our first podcast after returning from the tour. Oh, yeah. Thank you, everyone, for coming out. It was really nice. It was amazing. Thank you so much. Somebody made us a yearbook. Thank you for that. I got the files so I can make you two yearbooks. Sean, I meant to text you. I got the

Joker picture. I also got the Joker picture. Yeah, I forgot to text you, too. Thank you for sending that out also just a little and I've said this before you can just put doctor when you address any envelope to anyone you can call them Dr. Carmel yeah

I love doing it because both of you Dr. David I even felt cool writing I'm like Dr. Borey Dr. Carmel if they looked inside of what you were sending a doctor which is a picture of four dudes who aren't the Joker dressed up like the Joker

I had a yo MTV raps cards yeah wait David got extra shit somebody gave him a pack of yo MTV raps cards I have a goofy movie thing a goofy movie there. A goofy movie. There's two sets of baseball cards

and I think one of them might be yours. I was going to ask you, Ian, because I also got a package. Oh yeah, that lady in Pittsburgh. It was from Pittsburgh. Yeah, yeah. Because I got another package at my P.O. Box for you yesterday that I'm going to have to ship to you so I can put those on there. It's a mail bomb, right?

No. It's a coffee can full of nails. No on there. It's a mail bomb, right? No. It's a coffee can full of nails. No, man. It's from Exploding Kittens. No, man. Oh, I love Exploding Kittens. Oh, July 12th. I think they have my home address, but whatever. I just got a box from Exploding Kittens too. I haven't opened it.

Exploding Kittens. Coming to Netflix July 12 12th there it is featuring the vocal talents of one david boring and french stewart oh the big two we're twin cherub angels i like that it's a team you never know you wanted I can do a pretty good French Stewart let's go oh yeah it's a face impression but it's great in case you're just listening it's fucking great

that's how I make most of my money Sean you almost don't have enough face meat to do it thank you yeah I think right thanks well no I mean not necessarily compliment it's just a I like that you've been wearing that Pittsburgh hat

Sean yeah you've been sticking to it I can't stop I used to not like these boxy hats I don't know I do know obviously I can't stop wearing it it's hard for me to wear a dad hat because i don't like how it the top of it if it's loose like that it just like there's like a dent yeah

the front of your head is yeah it's always like those little reservoir tip it'll it'll pop up and it'll have that weird little what was the term you just used reservoir tip a little end of a condom or like a little okay that's what yeah that's what i was thinking i just wanted to make sure only sexual references from your boy today sexual i uh i celebrate all hats but some of those a frames i can't wear some of them there's a little too much structure going on there's a little too much too much frame too much frame follow through their first like run of hats

there's something like it doesn't fit my dome oh or they're like too whole too tall tall they're a little too tall there's it's something it's cj cj told it's something cj toledano and people who are as cool as cj toledano can pull off and when i put it on it all falls apart see i liked my follow-through i really i wore the i actually got to clean it i wore the shit out of it i like my subsequent ones uh that first one though just something about it didn't work on my my big ass dome shout out to follow through too by the way that's one of those it's one of those things it's like if you know you know, you know, you know what I mean? CJ is really doing it.

It's very cool. He's like, I don't know if I, he's always up in Beaverton working with one of the companies that you might work with when you're up in Beaverton. Yeah. Fred Meyer. Of course.

Intel. Is Intel up there? We should get in. We should get in with Fred Meyer. We should get in with Fred Meyer. We should be the with Fred Meyer heavy. We should be the Kroger brand. That's Kroger money.

You're everywhere. That's Kroger money. We should be Kroger's internal podcast. Is there a way we could maneuver that? They're based in Cincinnati. I could reach out to some of my contacts. Look at these tendrils. It's all starting to make sense.

It is. This is really where we were always leading the whole time, guys. I go there. We could just shift it we could fantasy i go there i do it dude we'll put that in the pitch doc zach's from cincinnati sean goes there i thought about buying bologna the other day that's there i walked by what was the word what do they call bologna jumbo jumbo you thought about buying some jumbo where do they call it that? In Pittsburgh.

In Pittsburgh. You don't remember that? Yeah, I do. I was sweating too. Holy cow. I was sweating. That Pittsburgh show. I don't know if I sweat that much. It's because I did my Soul Train dance right away. Did Yinz get any Pittsburgh salads? No. Is that

tater tots with ranch? I think there's just french fries in a salad i think that's a pittsburgh salad sex sex in the rain sexual references uh yun's yes yun's got uh the detroit style pizza the ohio valley style pizza recommended by bill oakley shout out to bill oakley which is the they cook the it's like it looks like a det Detroit style pizza the first the tomato sauce and the first layer of cheese are hot and then everything else goes on cold oh David like deli meat and stuff yeah

kind of the one time I have it and I did enjoy it so that it seems to be all the rage now where it's just like Kraft singles on top have you seen that are you serious yeah yeah like the cheese isn't shredded. Is it melted? I think they put

the cheese on right after it comes out of the oven. They just throw it on. That might be Ohio Valley style pizza because that's what they do with this where they just toss it on after it comes out of the oven. It was good. It's just not what I want. I'm like, I want pizza. That's not what I think. Right. I don't need

to get it again. Yeah. You want to hear I don't need to get it again yeah you want to hear this so she told us she said three or four slices for for if you're really hungry and we're all the lady of beddows yeah so we got I got three and I if I would have got two I think I would have liked it better because I wouldn't have felt this weird pressure to keep

going like I think I might have eaten too much yeah I think two would have been good I got three two and it was a lot yeah Sean you and I got four dude yeah eaten too much. I got three, too, and it was a lot. Sean, you and I got four, dude. Yeah, that's what happened. I got three. I was eating it like a salad halfway through. There you go.

That's the Pittsburgh salad. She was mistaken. People in Pittsburgh have two stomachs. They're like cows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you this. People in Pittsburgh are fucking cool. Everybody.

That was everybody after the shows. The meet and greets were so fun. Pittsburgh, shout out to you. It's a beautiful city, isn't it? They showed up, man. Yeah, it was great. Everywhere was cool, man. Cleveland rocked. Sorry. Sorry for saying that. I did not mean to say that. Drew Carey enters in the chat.

Shout out to Ben. We got to private bowl afterwards. These two got to see me get a little about the maddest I get. The oldest bowling alley in the chat. Shout out to Ben. We got to private bowl afterwards. These two got to see me get a little about the oldest bowling alley in the country. Yeah. I have video of Sean getting actual angry. Oh, yeah. That was a little angry. Of all the things for you to get mad at on the tour. That was that.

I didn't see that coming. Well, I didn't know there was going to be a blood down there. It was nuts, man. There's a blood down there. He was one nuts man there's some blood down there he was one of the pins no sean could not throw sean was talking big noise about throwing a turkey we were down there at least five times i got two in a row did not get a turkey and i was and then i couldn't get a strike to click i don't even recall the two in a row i did i got two in a row but i couldn't I couldn't get a strike to close it out. I'm pretty sure about that. Stop. It was on a separate lane with my other friends.

Yeah. He bowled in Canada. He went back to Canada and bowled really briefly. Different bowling alley. I don't recall the two in a row. I don't either, but there were some strikes. Are you,

do you throw straight or do you do the spin? I tried to spin. I was having a tough time. Okay. He's getting tight. Just talking about it yeah i can see that blood pressure's getting i'm also the fact that i'm denying him is two strikes in a row which i do honestly don't recall seeing but do believe i heard you the first few times you

said it yeah that you don't recall i didn't see it happen we can talk about my bowling which is atrocious punctuated by weird strikes in the middle it's either a gutter or a strike dude i'm like and they were hard they were like two feet down either a gutter or a strike, dude. I'm like, and they were hard. They were like two feet down the lane gutter or all or nothing or right down Main Street strike. I don't know what's inside me. There are two wolves. Yeah, it's like there's no there's no middle ground.

There's no balls. It's either going in the standards. It's a strike. I love it when someone gutters it so hard that it actually comes back on to the like, it's such a hard angle that it just pops right back i was throwing strikes on the next lane over that's how i was good scooch the dude through uh we went bowling and he accidentally did that he bowled it in not a strike but he just let it go so wonky that it went into the next lane it's great like got stuck on his thumb or some shit. It was bananas. I'm playing a different game.

Yeah, you are. I was eating a sandwich. I was all stoned. Private bowling alley, so who cares? That was so sick. It was awesome. Toronto,

somebody brought nunchucks in Toronto, put on a little demo for the people out on the grass. The building kept going. You were killing it? And the building kept pissing.

They had, I don't know what it was, like some, some sewage, some, not sewage, but like some gut Some sewage Their AC system had to Let water go or something like that I can only guess

It's from the fourth story up So it looked like the building was pissing every 3-4 minutes It was tight Multiple people brought us hella chips It was awesome A lot of Canadian ships Toronto, good food town too. Real good food town.

We, oh, so we met up with Steve. Shout out to Steve from Pup. Oh, yeah. David, you took a little nap, but Sean and I went out to this this like Italian wine and beer bar that was fantastic. Had some like, I forget

the name of it but some italian food there and then we went to dim sum the next morning oh did you was it marissa marissa yeah i've been to that place oh it was good it was tight man although i have said this before and i'll say it again oh dim sum it's dim sum i've never had i've been to I've been to all these places and I even have my own that I recommend where I'm like you got this is the one this is the one they're all all the good ones are kind of the same

right and all the bad ones are really bad they're yeah I mean I've also never had like a terrible terrible dim sum I've had pretty bad dim sum I will say I think it was a ghost kitchen. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten off a DoorDash, but yeah, I've had...

I've never dined in and had like bad dim sum. What's all like... The dips, the chili paste. There's not like a ton of original menu items, right? Like I feel like the one in Toronto was their original menu item that we missed because we had to catch the flight. It was the little pumpkin-shaped little pie things Mars wanted us to have.

We didn't get those. Oh, the dessert. Yeah. Yeah. At a dim sum spot, it feels like if you got something that was exclusively there, that's how you would gauge if it's good or bad. No? Because all the rest is kind of across the board the same. I guess so.

Yeah. I mean, I don't really know. I've been to a lot of places and tried a lot of the specialties of the house. This is boring. Yeah, we can leave. We don't need a new follow-up question. Got myself being real monotone there. Yeah.

I had a dream about the Joker last night. That's interesting. It was nuts. He knew where I lived. We were in a car and we were coming home. We fought, but then it was like neutral ground in the car. And then we dropped him off and I got back home. I was like, shit, the Joker knows where I live. I remember waking up kind of freaked out about it.

He pulled a fucking scam on you. It was because I mailed those Joker prints. Everything about that is hilarious. First of all, I think we have to acknowledge we fought and then we gave him a ride home. Yeah. It was like safe space. Nobody won. All right,

pal. Let's, let's get out of here. Let's get in there. Let's get in the Uber. We'll fight tomorrow. We're going that way. No,

no, I insist. We're going that way. I'm just imagining Laura, like looking out the curtain and then you being dropped off at your house by whatever the Joker's car is. It's a hot air balloon. We're not in the Joker's car is. It's a hot air balloon. We were in an Uber.

We were in an Uber. Oh, so you were fighting in the backseat. Who called the Uber? Whose account was it? Oh, wait. It was like an audio fight? Like you guys were having a verbal fight? We were fighting. Fighting. Actual physical fighting

at my place. And then the Joker, for some reason needed to go home so i called an uber and i went with i don't know why but i went with we dropped the joker off then i came back home and i was like shit the joker knows where i live so i remember being freaked out and i woke up talking to myself oh man man i i remember being i stayed over at a girl's house like the first night and i talked in my sleep and what i said was are you gonna leave me and she didn't say anything because she was like oh i think he's just sleep talking and i went oh no response that's where i found out i slept talk and i was like oh my god i'm a crazy person And I went, oh, no response.

That's where I found out I slept talk. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm a crazy person. Oh, no. That is gnarly. Did she believe you that you were sleep talking? Oh, I mean, we dated for a few more months. So I feel like she gave me the benefit of the doubt. Hard to come back. Hard to come back from that one

the whole tour ruled thank you everyone for coming it really did the edgar allen iverson shirt the philly show is fantastic thank you for not sending city wides up on stage yeah yeah thank you because we got through it we didn't party crazy no No, but a couple nights. I got after the moment. It was like two nights. A lot of late night food. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was great, man. And like.

Shout out to that business hotel that was going up more than we could have ever. Pittsburgh, dude. Pittsburgh was nuts. That was D.C., right? Oh, I guess different. Well, there was the hotel in D.C. was going up and the one in Pittsburgh was also going up. D.C. was going up and the one in Pittsburgh was also going up. D.C. was salsa night. Pittsburgh was some sort of like the movie Cedar Rapids-esque insurance company felt like a getaway or something. The lobby, it was the final game of the

Celtics Mavs. And the lobby, 40 people at 11 p.m. actually drinking, bar open. It was crazy. Never seen anything like it in any of these hotels. Even though I don't drink, I love when the hotel bar is popping. Oh yeah. It was popping. It really was. It feels great. You're like, Ooh, let's go. Anything's possible. I'll just sit in the lobby and kind of just take it in. Yeah. What we did, we watched a little bit of basketball. It was, it was, I mean, on a monday

in pittsburgh we watched the championship club and we caught that other guy he's like did you watch the game and we were like yeah celtics one he's like fuck the celtics i couldn't watch big dude going up to the m club big guy going up to the m club late at night late at night he had he had business up there. His night was just starting. Yogurt. Yogurt and Sprite. I hope that was his business, because that's what the M Club does at left PM. Oh, God. I just imagined those

two things mixed. Like a chunky Sprite. Sioux Falls hot tub, dude. Yogurt and Sprite. It's that kind of podcast we're keeping it old school now we're not here to talk about Sprite and Yogurt

a traditional South Dakota contraceptive Sprite Yite Yite you know in France they call it Yowert you guys want some Yite Yite You know in France they call it yowert You guys want some yite Spurkt

Spurt Spurgert Spurgert Sure I'd try it Somewhere We are here to fantasy draft our midlife crises. It's a little bit of a funny thing because we are all kind of

midlife right now. We're right on the cliff looking over. We're right on the cliff looking over. We are poised to dive into our midlife. I mean, I'm I might be You might be in it. You're in it.

I hope I'm not past it. You're like the first guy in the cavern. You might be in it. You're in it. You're in where. I hope I'm not past it, but I'm definitely in it. You're like the first guy in the cavern. You got to tell us what's happening. Yeah. You don't want me going in. You don't want me going in first. I have 11, 12 years, but.

Yeah. Should we bring a jacket? What's the vibe there in the midlife, dude? What's the age that it starts technically? I think 40 is. I used to think 50 was my, when I was a kid, I was like, when you're 50, that's your midlife crisis. Now I'm thinking. You plan to think 50 was my when I was a kid I was like when you're 50 that's your midlife crisis now I'm thinking

you plan to be 100 when I was a kid I just I thought because 40 is over the hill you don't think of that it's like it's like a whole other thing I mean I hate all this shit because you're gonna be old longer than you're gonna be young true yeah I mean it's like that's

the bulk of your life is being older so yeah you wouldn't really know what your midlife was like you wouldn't know until your life was over what part was the middle yeah yeah yeah easy confucius got him all right let's keep going i am I am confused. God, I'm roasted. Anyway. Spell Confucius. I'm C-O-N. Oh, sorry. What's that from Spell? David, you try it.

Spell Restaurant. Spell Restaurant. U-C-I-U-S. Oh, yeah, that's Patrice O'Neal. Spell Restaurant. Spell Restaurant. R-E-S-T. i love you so much mom somebody the other day told me they didn't think that was fine i can't remember who was insane i know was it a not funny person i'm sure uh yeah man i'm like i'm it was max you're showing

her elephant in the room i don't get it she started she called me she called me she wanted to hear a story about a poop bear last night couldn't stop laughing couldn't tell her story it was tight she's getting bits baby pride is over, but not in the Jordan household. No. No, we have a rainbow flag. Do you fly a rainbow flag? No, but I did say if we're going to fly one, it's going to be a rainbow flag. LA.

Oh, yeah. Like if you're going to be a flag house. Yeah. It would be a rainbow flag or it would be a US flag and a rainbow flag. Yeah. Either one. Or a rainbow US flag. it would be a US flag and a rainbow flag. Yeah. Either one. Or a rainbow US flag. That was the thing. Oh, there we go. Why don't they do that? Isaac, cut that

part out. We're going to make our fortune. I think they must. I think they have to. Somebody got to that. It'd be nuts. There's so many colors. We were the ones to crack that.

We cracked it open right now. You know the guys who invented the rainbow flag used to have a podcast? Now they all live on different islands touching each other, though. We're drafting

our midlife crises. The point in life when someone realizes their mortality and then starts getting wild now the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you

and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissors shoot I don't know why I did that I don't know what you threw it's supposed to be scissors I was like in my head I had this weird idea of like rock paper paper, scissors. And then.

Oh, I like that. I fucked it up. Oh, hey, everyone. We tie every single show the first round of rock, paper, scissors. Sean, nobody cares. I found this out. Nobody cares. No, well, I'm saying every single round of rock, paper, scissors first round, every single

show was a three-way tie. Not a three-way tie, but we all threw different ones. Oh, on the live shows? Every single one of them, though. It's 11 times. It was crazy, and every time we freaked out and nobody cared because they didn't know. No, we would tell them and they'd still be like, oh, man.

Anyway. And they were still, yeah. I guess I don't know what we thought they were going to do once we told them then they would all collect we'd be like whoa no way I gotta go home but Sean you won

you threw a paper against two scissors if I'm not mistaken Zach Toscani won as I said the first time Isaac edited that Isaac cut that American flag part out make it sound isaac cut that american flag part out make it sound like i sound like james earl jones and i said zach won the first time baseball you won the first time i'm going to beat you with this crowbar back to scotty one

and as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentineissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft, and it's back on you, Sean. As this comes out, wait a minute, does anyone need to know what it is? Yeah, I was going to say, what the heck is that? We forgot to do our promos, too. I'll get to that after the Rock, Paper, Scissors.

So as this does come out on the 4th of July, get yourself as many black cats as you can possibly get, and lay them down in a couple of white dudes. You're just talking about women? Get yourself some black cats and a couple of white dudes.

Get yourself some black cats and some white dudes. Quentin Tarantino wrote this episode. In my house, I only let in black cats and white owls, baby. Lay those firecrackers down in an S formation and then light them on fire. That's a serpentine draft. They're just going to pop off in the S formation and it's a blast. And it just kind of goes back and forth.

It's a blast? Come on. It's a blast? Coming from Cleveland Rocks over a blast come on it's a blast coming from cleveland rocks over here that was an accident oh man so is that oh david do you so when you're in is wyoming where you go to buy fireworks yeah you're trying to go tomorrow oh i could right after the epic we'll go to wyoming we'll be cowboys ride horses to wyoming you can't come back you're not gonna get up there easy you're not gonna come back after that we need to do like Go to Wyoming. We'll be cowboys. Ride horses to Wyoming. It's like an hour and a half. You're not going to get up there.

You're not going to come back after that. We need to do a jousting, but instead of jousting, you just shoot Roman candles at each other. In the park at dusk? Yeah. We did it all the time. We did it all the time. My buddy Nick rushed me. I hit him in the face, and he threw it down, and I was like, oh, no.

It was like the mound getting rushed. He came flying at me, and I was like, I deserve whatever's going to happen. And we tussled, but he wanted to kill me. You gave him that Nolan Ryan just fucking hitting him in the top of the head. Roman candle wars, dude. We'd have holes in our shirts. It was nuts. It's fun, though. They were just like little balls,

but they didn't explode necessarily. We would shoot bottle rockets at each other. We'd make little bottle rocket guns out of toilet paper tubes. That's a lot more dangerous. Those feel like pointed. Those can go right... Dude, you ever take the stick off? I've told this story so many times. No, we never... I never did never did they're too it's fucked that's like we used to make like m80s out of them where

you would like uh pound them you take the stick off and then like gently shouldn't be talking about this on the podcast the kids can listen to mailboxes yeah we would mail them to senators. You called your senator cute. We sent them to alphabetical businesses. I don't know. I did the fight to his door. Zach, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I'm going to go with what I got

in my gallery view, which is me ian david what yeah that was a strange way to say it i'm in the middle i don't like being able to not get to the exit but that's okay hot hot hot corn top corner you gotta say Hot corner. Top corner. You got to say hot corner like Hawk Tua, you know? I'm not doing that. What's going on? What is that? Brother, if I have to tell you. It's a spit on it thing? Yeah.

You haven't seen the video. Yeah, you haven't seen the video? No, I haven't. I've just seen the Hawk Tua and I kind of like. She's everywhere, dude. There was a picture with her in Shaq the other day. Where did it come up? What did did it say I think she's in Nashville and they were like interviewing they were interviewing her

and a friend I think like doing one of those like Instagram or TikTok videos where they interview people they get him to say salacious things about sex on the street yeah and she just hit him with the you know with in term yeah in terms of oral sex on a on a male it's got to have a hook to her you ain't gotta do all that it's charming i found

her charming i don't understand i've seen people say that in those videos a million times though there was something about like how i don't i mean if we're dissecting it now, I think there's something about like how drunk she was. Just how all those videos are. Aren't they? Yeah. But like, I don't know. She was,

she's pretty, but it seems approachable and she's really giggly and fun. I don't know. I don't know. I was trying to figure it out. Why did they, I mean, William Morris,

she'd literally signed with william morris endeavor she has an agent sean you gotta go to a video about spitting on a guy's dick he just blows it he's like huck fooey it doesn't go anywhere i mean it sounds like he wants to sign the huff fooey guy sounds like she blew it too all right anyway got him got him let's go first pick once they hear that once they hear that yeah do you listen yeah you're listening we have our horse or william morris which one does sigs and which one i think i'd like to see the sign of philip they're actually brothers a lot of people don't know that they are brothers is this a chain lie no this is real look it up okay all right i don't know that. They are brothers. Is this a Shane lie?

No, this is real. Look it up. I don't want to look it up. I like the ancient art of conversation, my friend. I've taken a not looking things up. You know this. You've taken. This is a new thing.

Yeah. I don't read. I started not reading a while ago. You crack open my book. Yeah, you've been home a week, two weeks. My mother was here. And my friend, no. I haven't haven't i'm gonna get to it this weekend i know i didn't have it this is but sean swore to me up and down that he was gonna read it david i am going to read it and i said and i was like listen i'm gonna get to it i brought but that

is yeah yeah you're like i'm gonna as soon as we get home yeah well thanks guys thanks for letting everybody know that uh my ailing mother was here and i had to cart her around town all week uh in a wheelchair so no i didn't have time to read your book yet i apologize i was wheeling my mother around the mall and wheeling her around different places what about yesterday i saw you yesterday you seem to just be hanging out yeah i went to a new skate park yesterday also like what did your mom go to bed at any point you you would be shocked at how much she doesn't sleep. She probably sleeps

two hours a night. It's insane. She got into all that dew you got in the basement. Monsters, baby. My mom is... I know, your mom's a monster lady. I do Mountain Dew. She does monsters. Monsters.

She makes slushies, right? She puts them in the freezer and makes little monster slushies. Probably not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. No. A good idea. I'd be tight if she wasn't doing it.

But yeah. Did she leave any of them? Because maybe you could crack one open. And then get that book. And dig in a t-shirt swim club. That'd be so crazy seeing a guy reading a book and drinking a monster

you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna i have two copies monster stains on every page i have two copies and so i'm gonna bring it to a coffee shop and i'm gonna i'm gonna just have them both open and when i get up to do anything i'm gonna leave one on the table and then just walk around with one reading it just so everybody knows that's the i would like if you had them side by side and you just read what are you doing i have the master copy i'm just checking for errors would be tight ones to put notes in for my wife and the other ones just for me not even notes pertaining to the book just, just say little I love you's Pick up the dry cleaning

Oh yeah, or that We're going to get to the draft, we have the order And we're going to get to it right after this Very short break This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35 Now microdosing is an absolute game changer

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Every time I get my hands on an apple. I love it. Did you ever see that first pitch? It's in Pittsburgh. The nun where she did that and then just threw it here. And then right down the plate. Yeah, that and then just threw it here right down the plate yeah yeah that was cool just watched it the other day my buddy threw a first pitch at the

royals game the other day todd he works for boulevard it was sick heater yeah it makes me want to try i really want to try the canaries you gotta do it anybody from the canaries you could do it for the pickles that's a high school for sure church league it's our what is it it's our minor league our farm league the minor league team yeah it? The church league? It's our... What is it? It's our minor league? Our farm league? The minor league team. Yeah, it's a minor league team. I just found out there's a difference. You just told me this in Pittsburgh. There's... I didn't know there was... I thought they were all minor league teams, like all farm

teams, but there's like divisions. Oh, triple A, double A, and triple A. Yeah, I didn't know that. I think Canaries is like up at the top. Or they're the Pheasants now, whatever. Right before you get called to the bigs. Mm-hmm. They are... or they're the pheasants now, whatever. Right before you get called to the bigs. They are... I feel like this information should be more readily available.

Are they the pheasants still? I can't remember if they're still the pheasants or if they went back to the canaries. If you storm the field at a single A, you're on the team. Yeah, I'll just call center field. I'll just get out there. I don't think they're a triple A team.

Is an apple the sexiest food the fruit to eat for a man? Sexiest for a man? Yeah, for sure an apple. You always feel like such a cat. You know what I mean? It's a confident bite. Yeah, it feels like

you point when you do it. I think grapes are also sexy. When you're popping grapes. If you toss a grape. Yeah, when you're tossing a grape. I've noticed none of you guys reacted to that gif I sent to the group chat. I was laughing my

ass off in the car. I was dying. It was so gross. It's like Aeon Flux eating cherries or something. We were going to look at a house that I showed it to Alana and she was like, no. Don't have that on your phone.

It was so gross. Trying to find it. You didn't see it, Isaac? No. What is this? Oh my god. Yeah, I did see it. Is it Aeon Flux? I don't know what it is? Oh my god. Yeah, I did see it. Is it Amflux? I don't know what it is. It's awful. They're a double A team.

The Sioux Falls Canaries, but they're unaffiliated. Oh. A true independent. So I could definitely throw that first pitch out. Probably. Probably. I imagine you could. I don't want to sound like a baby here i want to be hit up i want to be courted they're not going to hit you up dude what about the pickles can you do the portland pickles why would they why would they hit any i'm not saying you i talk

about sioux falls more than the mayor but unless they listen to this podcast. Why would someone from a double-A baseball team listen to All Fantasy Everything? And I say this as a person on All Fantasy Everything. Who's to say someone in the organization doesn't listen to a podcast? You can't just sit there with your thumb up your ass

hoping it happens. Yeah, you gotta go out and get it. Yeah, if you wanna do it. Or no. I thought they sent me some stuff. I'll do it. I'll wait around for NASA to just be like, do you wanna do it? Oh, God. He built a rocket ship. I farted in Stella's face.

She came over to see me right as I was ripping on her. How does she like it? She's sticking around okay she's happy she's like smells like you had chilean sea bass last year i did worth everything anybody's ever said about it yeah oh it's so good it was man it was amazing okay okay okay i had the uh the hillsborough ops asked me to throw out a first pitch, but I was unable to make a work schedule wise.

Damn. That'd be nice. Where's that in Oregon? Hillsborough, Oregon. Hillsborough. Yeah. Maybe we'll try to make it happen this year.

Maybe we can throw our first pitches together. Dude, I'd be so, I would be sick. I'd be so excited. The pickles would definitely let you, they've reached out to me too. Reach out to the pickles.

All right. I will. I wanted to do it. I wanted to be a pitcher jeremiah coughlin does all their uh i think like the entertainment in-game stuff i should just be like hey man let me throw out the first pitch just go to him and be like i see you do it and i think that i could show up to a game uninvited with a ball saying i'm throwing out this first pitch y'all need a third you like don't know how baseball works alright I'm the sixth man where's the hoop storm it

I guess we've been back from break at this point have we? yeah and we're back welcome back to Offense Everything where we've been talking about throwing out a first pitch and Sean someone invite Sean to do it please do. Please do it. He doesn't want to ask. He wants to ask.

I'll ask. He wants to be asked. He wants to be courted. You throw a heat. I don't know. I'd like to go try. I would practice for sure. What do you got meat?

Come on. I think I got it. I think it'd be all right. I think you got a million dollar arm, but a two cent head. I got a good idea about that stop calling me meat we just watched that the other night

Dana never seen it she loved it it's a really good romantic story and Susan Sarandon's like a good powerful character peak of her powers she nails it

Tim Robbins fell into it for a few decades after that she's 12 years older than him she did yeah watch Bull Durham if you've never seen Bull Durham and you're listening to this I don't know how that happened but great movie it's like something that I first saw

in that movie and it has happened in real life where do you remember like the super Christian baseball guy? He falls in love with the girl who's kind of like, uh, you know, has spent time with some other players and it's like, Oh, that I've seen that before where it's like,

yeah, like kind of a uncommon union where you're like, Oh, this guy, like we can never tell him like what that we all know her hey man i know her yeah oh you're married millie but we know each other these are the hypocrisy of men yeah it's astonishing the hypocrisy of it all the uh that's your second book isn't it

the hypocrisy of men it's an all black cover with those words like a small font like Helvetica the hypocrisy of men Dr. Ian Carmel you should just say Dr. Carmel then they don't know who wrote it

yeah it's a hologram cover and it's you going yeah and it's made out of metal heavy it's a heavy book every way every way you can mean it's a heavy book pages are made out of dollar bills it's money 1500 pages you can't find it on shelves because it's too heavy it'll be laying flat on the ground under your christmas tree there's 30 copies uh the the order today sean zach ian david sean sassed me earlier so he doesn't get to do his promos zach tiscani add zach tiscani on twitter add zach tiscani on instagram tick correct. Everywhere else. Where can people see you? July 6th. So that's two days from now. I'll

be in Denver. Dude IDK Studios the place where David filmed his special. Hey, all right. Yeah. July 26th. I'll be in Cincinnati at the Comet. August 7th I'm in Component Brewing in Milwaukee. Saturday August 10th. I'm in Minneapolis S Brewing in Milwaukee. Saturday, August 10th, I'm in Minneapolis,

Sisyphus Brewing with one Sean Jordan. We're co-headlining that. You can't say you're with Sean Jordan because he sassed me. Because I sassed you? Okay, with undetermined person. That's two shows. That's two shows, no promo.

August 13th, Chicago, Lincoln Lodge. I'm there with another redacted human being. And also, me and Sean, we have two empty days, August 11th and August 12th. So if you live in Minneapolis or Minnesota, for that matter, or Wisconsin, and you want a house show with both of us, hit me up. Do it. Do it. Yeah. Yeah, do it. But that's it for me up. We'll make it happen. Do it. Yeah. Yeah, do it.

But that's it for me. Go to ZachToscani.com. That's where all the ticket links are. And I'll see you out there. David Borey is here. CoolMyJokes87 on Instagram. Hell yeah. Go to that.

David at Patreon. Patreon.com backslash David Borey. There's like 28 videos right now all free that you can watch. How many of you show hole in? Man, you're the second person who's told me show hole in 12 hours.

You gotta show hole, dude. What the fuck's going on? It's fucking show business. It's show business. It's show hole business. It's short for show hole business. What did you think it was? business it's like how they used to call it hollywood land there's no business like whole business uh yeah go go go to patreon.com backslash david borie because on august 1st i will be releasing my special for 10 to 15 dollars we haven't decided uh birth of a nation it's gonna be so funny i'm very proud of it it shot beautifully thank you to Nick Holmby

and Jacob Rupp and everybody at DudeIDK Studios I've been editing it been in the lab can't wait for you guys to see it and then July 12th watch Exploding Kittens on Netflix and that's all I got oh August 23rd and 24th

I'm gonna be in Dallas that's the next like headlining show. Otherwise, I'm going to be just around Denver. You can catch me at Zach's show. I'm going to be at Troy Walker's album recording. You know, I'm around. How much fisheye lens did you end up using on the special? Actually, a Hype Williams level.

Enough to fill a Busta Rhymes video. Four solid minutes. Dude, I got to see... Oh, Zach watched it. Yeah, it's incredible. It looks so fucking cool. I bet. Yeah, it was amazing.

And it's funny. There's a lot of other characters are in it. You know, maybe don't watch it if you're French, but other than that, pretty good. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter. I'm kidding. Sean has shown us here. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram.

Thanks, buddy. I'm sorry I sassed you. Seen a lot of those out there. A lot of those. We're bringing some back. Met a couple. Met a couple of them for sure All of August 10th, Zach and I are at Sisyphus Brewing

Minneapolis, August 13th we're at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, those tickets are extremely limited, I think there's like 80 for Sisyphus, 50 for Lincoln Lodge so get on them and also all of these live episodes that we just did, all of them I think, as long as they recorded,

which I think they did, they will all be on the Patreon. Yeah. So, uh, they're, they're so fun. They're so fun.

So if you've been thinking about like waffling on the Patreon or whatever, get on there. It's so cheap. You get so much. Sorry, we're doing, we're doing. Oh yeah.

Waffle tapas. Waffle tapas. And just a lot of stuff, man. Get on there. It's a, it's a goodppers. And just a lot of stuff, man. Get on there. It's a good time. We're just sending out the new merch for the top tier subscribers.

That's all going out like I think yesterday. So yeah, it's very, very, very fun. Also, the Pittsburgh hats. We did not have hats in Pittsburgh. They will be shipped to me. So I will post about them when we get them. There's 36. If you want one, hit me up and I'll ship you out a hat. Yeah, they put our

merch in a bathroom and then said they couldn't find it. I went to that bathroom. I too was in that bathroom. I too also was in the bathroom. Neither here nor there. Well, that's where the hats were. Neither here nor there. So yeah, come to those shows in Minneapolis,

Chicago and then we'll be around. I think we got some fun stuff coming up in September we'll talk about at some point. Oh yeah. Well, we can say it, right? I don't know. I never know. We'll be at fucking High Plains. We're all going to fight.

We're going to fight at High Plains. What are we not going to be at High Plains? We're going to be at High Plains. Comedy Festival. Sorry. Sorry if we blew the big announcement. Also Race Wars coming back. Coming back. I'm getting a hat this year.

I'm bringing a gun. I'm going to get a fucking jersey. You're going to turn it into Race Riots. They're definitely going to pull you over for additional screening when you're leaving Denver. I'm going to get so many of those cookies with white and black frosting on them.

It's going to be nuts. You're talking about a black and white cookie? A black and white cookie. I didn't know if they had a real... Let me get a couple of them mixed cookies. I'd like a pack of mulattos. Can I get an integration? I figured out a worse way to say it. I'll take one of those Brown versus Board of Education cookies.

Give me a Plessy versus Ferguson while you're at it. Nice. That's going to be fun. My name is Ian Carmel. You know where to find me. Ian Carmel on Instagram. YouTube. me Ian Carmel on Instagram YouTube you want to follow me on YouTube I also filmed a special but I never talked about it because I

only wanted people to go to my book but that'll be coming out I think later this summer maybe towards the end of August but follow me on YouTube now I'm going to start putting out chunks of my old special that I just never released just my old hour wasn't even a special

I just filmed an old hour none of that material is in the new thing so I'm just going to start putting some of that out thank you everyone for getting t-shirt swim club or getting it from your library which is another great option for the countless kind messages

I've received both in person on the road and over DMs and everything. It really, really means a lot that people are reading the book. You can listen to me this week on Fresh Air, which is fucking nuts. Let's go. I'm on Fresh Air this week.

Not with TG. TG's getting a little up there. TG's getting a little up there. So they only bring her out for the heav uh, the heaviest of hitters. But it was still a wonderful, it was still a wonderful interview. Uh, you can find that on the Fresh Air channel. Uh, who was I talking to on it? I forget her name.

Tanya? Tanya? Tanya Gross. Tanya Gross. Um, God, who was it? Uh, that's not important was it oh right it was mike huckabee sarah huckabee sanders it was me and all the ology yo respect me and call mercy with t-shirt swim club bro he didn't say bro keep going you might have said no he didn't did he did he not say bro I don't think so.

Anyway, I interrupted. Tanya Mosley. Tanya Mosley. Me and Tanya Mosley on Fresh Air. Listen to that. One thing, you can still buy the book. It's out there. I'm really proud of it.

I think it's really good. We've been getting really great feedback, really great reviews, so you can grab the book. Also, if you've got the book or if you just want to help out, if you can go leave a positive review on Amazon, if it gets over a hundred reviews,

then Amazon starts putting it in the, like in the algorithm. So that would be very helpful. And Goodreads too. If you can go to Goodreads and give the book a review, I would have a good review. I'm going to have to read it first, but yeah,

I imagine I'll give a good review. We'll see. So in 28, 2028, when you're bedridden with a broken leg from skateboarding, you can finally crack my book open. I'm going to have Max read it and give me the crib notes. So as soon as she,

the crib notes, did you say crib notes? I'm going to read it as six and make crib notes. notes she'll she'll be reading when she is six uh and i don't really have any fucking road dates and i am overjoyed by that yeah dude take a minute man i am pretty stoked july's gonna rule oh i'm not opening i never talked about i'm not opening for ellen because and i saw some people on um the subreddit wondering about it ellen just decided she wanted the warm-up person from her show so she doesn't have a stand-up warming up for her you know it's funny i someone at the playground the other day they came up and they're like hey

what they say they're like did you go see ellen in portland i go no and then but i was like i go who opened i'm curious and they said it was it was almost nothing it was like a minute it was just some guy who got up and just talked for like maybe a minute and then it was just her that's it it's a guy going like all right everybody you ready to see ellen um but i wrote i helped write the special me and Josh Gondelman. And I think it's good. So check that out. And she paid me for all the dates she had booked me for it, even though I don't have to go.

So fucking shout out to Ellen, man. I know that's a thing you rarely hear. So I don't want anyone like, I don't want anyone thinking there's any flack there. Like I'm pissed at Ellen. No, she was,

she couldn't have handled it better. It was awesome. Yeah. Um, anyway, there she couldn't have handled it better. It was awesome. Yeah. Anyway, there's that. And here's this, the All Fantasy Everything podcast. Sean Jordan,

we are drafting midlife crises. Crisis ease. You have the first pick. Christ's eye. Christ's eye. We taking a break? No. No, we're not.

Oh, we already did that. We took a break. I was like, wow, Sean's really adding some attention. No, let's take a look. Do you want to take another break? No, you're... Okay, you figure out, please,

how you'd like me to say this. But entering into a neighborhood holiday lighting committee so I can then enter holiday lighting competitions, mainly talking about Halloween and Christmas. Getting really into holiday decorations. Oh, do you have one in your neighborhood?

Is that what you're doing? We do. And there's also, so for Halloween, there's what's called the Pacific Haunter Society or something. And for the last probably six years, every year, I'm just like, I don't know when it's happening. It's happening very soon. That's different than the Pacific Honkers Society, right?

Yeah, where you honk bobos. Portland does have a thriving uh honkers society scene to it you don't hear honkers anymore is it so you want to get into really into holiday decorations but at a competition level in in so yes but like you're the guy who's dropping off, here are the bags, here's the sand, here's the candles to light your walkway kind of a thing? No, it's an individual thing. So you get to light.

So the way that the Pacific Haunter Society works is you decorate your house, and then you submit to be, they have to approve you to be entered into this, and then you're part of the Haunter Society. So then you're on the website as like a destination house where people come to look at the house. Not necessarily always a competition,

but kind of a competition to get into the society. And that's what I want. I want Halloween and Christmas. Does membership have its privileges? Do they bring you like exclusive? I think it's the families, dude. I think it's the people coming to see the crib. Like that shit would warm my heart.

So we go to this one house every year for Halloween and this dude, Scott, he always comes out. He talks to Maxine and it's just so fun. It seems so fun. He tells me about the new stuff every year. They have strobe lights in their backyard to make it look like lightning. They have sound effects.

They have switches the kids can flip so they can make different things in the yard move. It just is so... Oh, that's fun. It's so fun. It just seems so pure and fun. And they make their own shit out of styrofoam or big blocks of foam

and chisel mummies and stuff out of it. It just seems sick and really fun to put a lot of effort into because the reward is just like you get to look at it. I don't know. It's dope. You get to look at it. I don't know. It's dope. You get to look at it and watch people enjoy it. You know what I mean?

You've dipped your toes into these waters. I am. Just with some inflatables though, right? And the inflatables are going to need to stay in the garage if you're going to this level. You need to find a good mix. Yeah, you need practical effects. Yeah, you need.

I think so. You can't have that cartoonish shit. You need to create a world. Right. You need to build a world. I don't like Gaudaudy one of my least favorite things and that there's there's time for it but for me personally if i'm like in the game that you can get that gaudy shit out of my face like i'd rather have a theme yeah no john gaudy stuff conversely a haunted mobster theme would be kind of a fun one bro oh yeah there was one

there's one house it's called i forget but it's all uh it's all rappers it's it like all the tombstones of rappers kind of morbid i guess when you say it out loud rappers ones who've died yes well but it's it's not all like it's all murder. I know it sounds weird when I say it out loud, but there's like, there's people that have died from natural causes and things. But anyway, it was just, the theme was more to honor. Like it wasn't, you know, it was just like a cemetery for all these and they would play all the music and stuff. I loved it.

But something like that, like a, a mobster theme could be cool. It was for you. Yeah. That's not where i would go at all but uh just like a theme and not not like more for christmas there's like some houses will have 10 different kinds of decorations you know like big bulbs or little bulbs pick one you know or like i'm with you 100 right let's go there has to be a theme going through right there has to be a through line have some class incorporate. Incorporate the roof.

Get creative. Incorporate the inside of the house if you want. You can have things peeking out. Some of these houses have 15-foot spiders and that's the whole roof. That stuff. You know what I mean? Less is more in that area. That was the most passionate I love a spider that looks like it's crawling over

the roof. Right now for Halloween, we have a giant spider web that goes from the roof to the ground. And then I kind of, that's like the crux or whatever, like the focal point of everything. And then we kind of go around that for Halloween. Christmas, we have, I think we have a couple reindeer and like a Santa for the front and like a big ho, ho, ho. They're inflatable though, right?

Yeah. And I'm with you. See, that's where you're going to have to get i that's what you're gonna have to get that's what you're gonna have to move off if you get into this world that's the intro you go to home depot and you're like whoa and because inflatable is so easy you just plug it in it blows you don't have to do anything but yeah i'm with you i would i really want to i will the the inflatables are so i mean when when i was in high school we would steal all the inflatables from one house and then drive them to another house and then plug them in so when those people woke up like what the fuck that's hilarious god that's tight yeah i was just gonna say we stole a lot of inflatables too oh yeah it's too easy to take especially those big the snow globe ones

where there's like uh like the air going through it is making the snow globe go. Yeah. Yeah. We had last year, we got a big inflatable Christmas bulbs and we came home one day and they were blown away. And it was like, I get a,

maybe $150 budget a year. And I was like, there's my budget. We need to go find them. My budget's fucked. They were down the street under a neighbor's RV. I was just like, thank God.

So I basically bolted them into the ground after that. What's going to have to happen here is you getting that budget up somehow. Yeah, you got to get some cap room. Sign up for the Patreon. Help me get this budget up. Yeah, tell Laura. You want to help your boy

get his budget up? Sign up for the Patreon. Get them free apps. I think you got to sign some big talent. That's the only way they're going to budge. Yeah. Well, you know what? The thing is, if I just put a little effort in and make something, you get a big bang

for minimal buck. If I made some shit that was dang. Oh, it's like a farm team. You got them all in house. Yep. It would take an initial investment. Are you getting like a jigsaw or a bandsaw or something? We have a sawzall.

Do you need an angel investor for this? I don't want to. Because I might bring up I don't want to get into anything some other people might say, but I'm building an arsenal of my own tools as well. And the general's helping me tremendously with that.

Every time he comes down, if there's any job. How would the general feel about making a Santa sled out of plywood and paint? Would love it. There you go, man. There you go. And also, I bet he'd buy the wood. Yeah, see? And then you could rent the wood later that night. Work smarter, not harder. You get him to

fly the drones. You do like a drone show. Whoa. I didn't even think about that. That's a whole, I mean, that's professional. We got to get in a different neighborhood for that. You're semi-bro? Thank you.

Yeah, you're double A. Thank you for saying that. You're working your way up the farm system. Do you have the kind of neighborhood where you could go around talking to your neighbors and get them on board, or do you think there'd be some holdouts? So there's one dude in my neighborhood

who I think might have been in prison at some point. Cause he's living his life. The way that I've seen other dudes who got in a lot of trouble and then got out of trouble. He's happy all the time. He looks kind of scary. His yard is decked out like crazy. And he just, he just has that vibe. If you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about. But he would definitely be on board.

But you have that vibe and you haven't been in prison. I guess you don't look scary. You don't know what I did before I met you. You have no idea. I think I do. I've been in multiple prisons. Listen, you talk about it for a decade. Our neighborhood, yeah, they show up for this stuff.

I think I could organize. Yeah, I think so. That's where it would be tougher. I like going and looking at those houses, but if my house was one of those, I would never want to walk out of my house and there's just 15 people staring at me. I could. I would

like it. I'd go talk to them. I would have cider, I think. I think at a certain point, I'd like little donuts. Do you guys get Christmas carolers. Do they still do that? Sometimes. We did more in our old neighborhood. We got some in Glendale one time.

Yeah, that's right. So there's this house. There's a house in Portland called the Davis Graveyard, and they have a whole schedule. They put up like they do showtimes. They have a donations box. I wouldn't do all that. My shit's free all day, all night. But it'd be fun, I think, to come out.

I could be a character, bro. I could go out and give a little performance. I could give a little talk about the history of whatever my shit, whatever my theme ends up being. Yeah, you do God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen or something. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. It'd be fun. Tombstone themed.

Yep. Come on, baby. I think if you want to get the neighbors on board, you need to talk to them before your house is all that. No, I need to show up with a gun. Well, show up with a gun, but you can't be the house that's like super duper decked out and then go to other people and say,

hey, what if we all did? They're like, well, I can't get to that level. Dude, I wouldn't even dream about that. You got to bring them along slowly. Yeah, it's got to be a community issue. Yeah. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't even want them looking at me thinking I was doing

that. That'd be rough. They're like, what's he going to ask us before he's like, Clark Griswold style? But I think it'd be easy to get them on board. So yeah, however you want to word that. But hella into decorating. clark griswold style but i think it'd be easy to get him on board so yeah deck whatever however you want to word that but hella into decorating uh zach disconti time for your first pick okay this is a tough one and that was um i'm thinking i'm thinking i would develop a giant gambling addiction oh man that's rough. Any details?

Well, I've never gambled. I don't really feel necessarily the need or want to do it, but it's like, yeah, you could get into some where it's like, oh, I'm betting on pickleball matches online. Very low tier. Yeah, yeah. I'm not even

there. I can't even verify the scores. Well, you ain't got time to show up. And you hate pickleball. You're Like, I'm not even there. I don't even, I can't even verify the scores. Well, you ain't got time to show up. And you hate pickleball. You're like, I hope they both lose. Yeah, exactly. You're taking the under under. I hope the court blows up. Yeah, it's just, you know,

like, why not? You know, it's midlife. If it goes bad, I don't have to live too much longer. When was the last time you gambled? I've never seen it. And I've been to vegas did you gamble in vegas at all not with my money that still counts when you're that age

it's like every day is a gamble i could crap out at any moment dude that's the shirt i'm gonna wear every day is a gamble every day i wake up and my heart rolls the dice, my lungs roll the dice. Snake eyes. I'm alive again. Yeah. I just think, you know, you could get into weird horse horse racing.

I'd, I'd, I'd gamble on a horse race. I love it. We can go do it tomorrow. Yeah. There's some, for some reason,

gambling on animals, doing stuff is I'm more interested in that than betting on a basketball game or something. Right. Well, an animal can't be bought, you know? Yeah, true. I mean, they can be bought, but they can't be bought. Nobody's getting to the horse. Right, you can't be like,

I guess your son's not going to Rutgers if you win this race. What the fuck is Rutgers? Oh, Little Sopranos. Little Sopranos reference, huh? You love Rutgers. I just love to Rutgers if you win this race. What the fuck is Rutgers? Little Sopranos. Little Sopranos reference. You love the Rutgers. You love Rutgers. I just love saying Rutgers, baby. But Rutgers.

Yeah, man. Gambling. I know I have some people that are addicted to gambling properly. And it's like it's one of those things where I'm like, man, I'm glad that that I never got that bug. I don't I don't have it at all. I mean, yeah. Yeah. It's easier now than it ever was with the online shit.

Right. It's almost too easy. Yeah, I don't like it. I've done like, I mean in Vegas obviously, but that was like more of a joke. I've done video lotteries a couple times in Sioux Falls. You throw like a 20 in. But immediately I'm like, ah. That, nah, it ain't.

It just ain't it. That was an expensive joke in Vegas. About eight notes i like gambling a lot but i'm pretty easy i don't have a tough time cutting it off yeah like it's a lot of fun for me but i'm like all right we're not doing it anymore okay how do you dress as a gambling addict good question good great question man i think it's got to be like a beat up leather jacket you know like a like it's it's like a stepdad bomber jacket bomber jacket yeah like in like a deniro in that wow what's that i'm in so many movies what's the charles broden one midnight exactly johnny dapp in Black Mass has one of those. Yeah, I have a buttoned up shirt.

Two equally good movies. Like I had a tie at one point, but it's gone. Are you balding? I think cowboy boots. Rose colored sunglasses. Oh, dude. Yeah, if it was balding and I still had the long hair. Oh, that's exactly what's up. That's the move.

And then colored glasses. Yeah. Like either rose or yellow tinted. I've started wearing yellow glasses. Really? I love it. Yeah. Dude, I almost bought some the other day with my mom.

Do they help? Is it supposed to help with your mental stuff? I don't know if they do a mental thing. I just like the way they look. And I think it's still like it is. It's eye protection, like a sunglass, but it's like a diet sunglass. I know what you mean. With the dark ones, it's like, I enjoy how light out it is.

It gets me in the mood. I don't want to make it dark. And you want people to see your eyes, like if you're making big eyes or whatever. Those color ones are fun. Big gambling eyes. I said every dollar in my bank account. Look at those honkers! Whoa!

Ahooga! Crippling gambling addiction. Fantastic pick. Your turn. Time for my first pick. Okay, this is kind of a big swing. But I'm moving to Italy and becoming a truffle pigger.

Oh! And that's a truffle pigger. Oh, yeah. And that's a competitive eater. No, it's, it's somebody who gets pigs who are trained to go sniff out truffles and then dig up the truffles and then they sell the truffle. So I'm liquidating all my assets.

I'm buying a place in Italy. I'm buying some truffle pigs and i'm sending them out into the world to dig up truffles for me now you're in in this one this is the first time it's coming are you still you're married in this in this world there's this you as like a single midlifer any number of things can happen she can come but i'm going we're married you can come if you want yeah just a man is pigs i'm just i said i looked death in the face i think i almost got in a fatal car accident or maybe you had arm cancer i had arm cancer and it went away but i'm like dana i can't i hear i hear the pigs are calling that's nice because you get to walk

in the woods too you get to walk in the woods i think there's a high crime element to it too i feel like the the truffle piggers are probably mobbed up in a way. So I get introduced to that world. It seems like something on the edge of decency. It's expensive. Not decency maybe. Of legality. It's not legality.

It definitely is. It's like a bounty hunter where you're like, I don't know. Could I punch that guy in the jaw? They call me Porco Americano. Yes. in the jar. They call me Porco Americano. A lot of them have moved on to dogs. But I'm doing it old school. You're keeping the tradition alive. Some of the French guys

are pissed because who's this American he thinks he can truffle like us? But you're great so they have to let you in? The is the game man they have to respect it yeah i'm out there in all linen dude i'm taking nips for my uh for my little boda bag you know i'm out there dude be my pigs i love that okay i'm gonna return the question to you what are you wearing when you're a pig in white pants white shirt natural tan leather shoes and belt and then some kind of fucking hat oh yeah i don't know but like i it might be maybe it's a fez maybe it's a fez maybe it's some kind of weird italian bonnet some kind of thing like that you

know like one of those robin hood hats where it's like pointy but kind of like a sailor's cap something like that and i'm and i carry a rifle with me everywhere i go in the woods i love it i love it yeah you gotta have it on you see what's funny is i was imagining you had like one instrument like a flute like you're just oh almost andre 3000 out there just i have a uh yeah yeah, yeah. I have an oboe. And the pigs are wearing matching hats. That's part of it. Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, of course.

They got little Robin Hood hats on? Yeah, they have the same hats on. So you're honking on oboe then? I'm honking on oboe. Yeah, I'm honking on oboe in the woods. But I'm a truffle picker yeah and i make just enough money to keep myself afloat that's the thing that's why they don't run me out is like i go get my two or three truffles i'm not trying to make a mint i'm just trying to

stay afloat it's almost like you want to live in the french countryside as much as you want on truffles italian french put me anywhere on that mediterranean peninsula where i can find truffles and i'm there and i'm not i'm not trying to like get rich don't worry where I can find truffles and I'm there. And I'm not trying to get rich. Don't worry. Once I get my truffles, I'm out. I might even pour you to some truffles. Right. Hey, I'm done for the day, but go over there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Belinda found a rich vein underneath that oak tree over there. Get at it. Belinda the truffle pig. Wow, that's a great nickname. Thank you very much. Yeah, that's fantastic. David, I want to go on, please. I was just going to say, you can end it with That'll do, pig. That'll do, pig.

That'll do. Then you shoot it with your rifle. Jesus Christ, Sean. And you're like, bake it in. Yo, that was crazy. This year's Christmas theme is dead pigs. That's your second mid midlife i just want to

start a sausage company uh david talk to your first and second picks uh first pick i want to slow things down i've already made my fortune in comedy and voiceover and uh i want to start an experimental style ice cream parlor. Oh, yeah. I just, I, I don't. And okay. We went to go get ice cream the other day. And I was like, I was like, I think that I could make great ice cream flavors.

And I was like, okay. Yeah. Like what? And I had none. Uh, so, and that hurt, but I just just it's just the kind of business where you're still running a business but it's like low pressure it doesn't affect anything and i think i would just be a really fun parlor guy and i would want it to be like a community ice cream parlor so like you know maybe i do open mic nights

some nights music not comedy of course but they have to talk into an ice cream cone yeah but i just think it would be great it's's like, I don't know, man, especially in the summertime. Every time you go to an ice cream parlor, it's just like all kinds of people there. Everybody's in there. There's in a great mood. It's just like, that's like the kind of business I would like to run. We had an impromptu date night the other night where we were just out for a walk and ended up in an Italian place on my street. impromptu date night the other night where we were just out for a walk and ended up in an italian place on my street and then there was this ice cream guy who sets up outside of this little like

bougie grocery store uh and he has like eight flavors that he makes himself and like has this stand out there and they were fucking delicious and you could let your imagination run wild like he had this mint one that was like honeycomb and like the best mint like the mintiest mint you've ever had like fresh mint there was like a challah french toast there was a I've been seeing that everywhere by the way it's the best french toast

bread it's gotta be it's cause it's a great bread in general anything thank you very much thank you very much one of our crowning achievements that's that and the artificial heart I always wanted a party sub that was just like

the whole thing of challah like the challah was the bread let me go even a step further french toast challah breakfast party sub oh

a breakfast party sub say that again so a breakfast like make the the top and the bottom of the party sub Say that again So a breakfast Like Make the The top and the bottom Of the party sub French toast challah

And then like Wow Eggs Bacon Maybe a little maple syrup Like a Like a Like a giant breakfast party sub

You could go Monte Cristo For half of it Like potato Like home fries Or rustic Yeah yeah Potatoes o'brien or something yeah holy cow isaac you're gonna have to cut that out too there's a if the american flag doesn't work one of these has got to hit i lost your eyes in the distance you look like you were peeing into the ocean

I spent the last few months getting a little packing a little bit I was not the healthiest person on tour and like now I'm back home and I'm trying to be a little bit more you know walk the narrow path a little bit more

which is like I get so bummed out by how, just how delicious food, how you're not supposed to eat it. It's a cruel trick. I hate it so much. I'm like, all I want is a hollow

French toast breakfast sandwich. It sounds so good. It would make me so happy. But I have to go fucking cook a chicken breast and eat a cauliflower salad. The treats are always in the cutest places

too. Like in Pittsburgh, went into this cute little place with treats and you can't do that. Oh, that bakery. I had the best donut I ever had in Boston in my whole life. The brown butter glazed cruller. Oh yeah, you showed me that picture.

I never had anything like that in my entire life. And you're not much of a sweet guy. Anyway, I'm not even, I'm not even, I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. If I'm not,

if I'm not eating, like, right. What am I supposed to do? Like, I don't, if you don't drink, I mean,

what do I do all day? People are like, what do you do? How was tour? Oh, we were in Pittsburgh. I ate here. I ate here. We walked around there. The fuck do people do? They go eat a power bar and then go to an art museum? I go to the art

museum, but I don't want the power bar. I thought tour was just walking around and eating. It was. It is. If it's not that, what is we took a three hour break every night oh we went swimming yeah you went to to be fair you went to the gym while we went swimming i did sure did got it in baby i was at the m club eating yogurt or whatever you know i i'm just not because i was thinking of ice cream flavors david, I was saying, what about a mojito?

I like that. That almost feels like more of a sorbet. Oh yeah. That would be a great sorbet. Like watermelon. Oh, uh, one scoop of watermelon and one scoop of mojito.

Oh, I mean, fresca flavors. Oh yeah. Oh, you could put fruit chunks in the ice cream. A hundred percent. So it's that kind of flavors. Yeah, you could put fruit chunks in the ice cream. 100%. We should draft ice cream flavors.

Yeah, we should. It's that kind of thing that might get you a job. We haven't done that. Do you have an aesthetic theme to your ice cream parlor? I don't. I don't. You know what? And this is just freestyling kind of off the top. I would like it to be kitschy and local. Obviously, we would sponsor a children's sports team for each season. Got to. Absolutely. Right?

So we have the jerseys. We have the pictures on the wall. I think I would lean really hard into not even Broncos. Maybe I'd lean really hard and be a cu guy i don't know but it's just super super all local stuff and you can find some local boxers there's gonna be some boxers around here i put their shit on i pay a few of them to throw the fights that's my yeah i don't even need to make money on the ice cream yeah now i'm a man about town you're talking about yeah i think it would just be like supremely local whatever i think i would want to do it in five points just because that's right by my house

i don't know but yeah just very local not not even like because i don't want it to be slick that's what that's that's the big thing it cannot be slick i hate slick i hate you know what i mean it's got to sort of just be cool it's it's got to be just local just nice oh striped oh and your second pick my second pick and this is i wish i had better specifics i don't know which band or group it is but i would like to follow a band, Grateful Dead style, for like a year. Yeah, I had that. Just throw it all away. I'm afraid I'm going to need to press you on a band,

Mr. Boy. Oh, man. I don't know who it would be, man. Because I'm not like a huge concert guy like that. I mean, I've seen the Roots live. It was great. big boy it does big boy still go out with everybody i think so i'm like he's big because like he went out with like

earth went in fire for he always seems like he brings pretty great people out you would follow the fully loaded comedy festival right well i just want to hang out with shane yeah that's where i've been just hanging out with shane a lot yeah oh i don't need tickets man just hit me up when you're done yeah i had a version of this where it was like buy vip passes and like follow around a rock band on their farewell tour like motley crew or something oh my last one is fun too like purchase the you know like buy the friendship that kind of shit where you're like yeah i'm backstage i'm not supposed but i am just because i bought it that shit i mean if i but it couldn't even be a rock it would if because the thing is if i'm gonna follow it would be a kind of a bad

group from high school you know what i mean like i would follow the lovers and friends i would do i think i would do lcd sound System and get back into Mali. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And not forever. You're just like, no, but this year? I'm going crazy. Yeah, this is my Mali year. I'm taking a year off, meaning I'm going to do Mali again for a year.

I'm back on. Follow a band. It just seems like a good, yeah. Sean, what band would you follow? I mean, it just seems like a good yeah sean what band would you follow i mean it'd be like motley crew or something or it'd be sticks or something weird i would love that you'd be going from state fair to state fair yes i mean i would you want to talk about the most midlife crisis shit that's i mean a hundred percent i'd dress like it i'd go yeah i'd be such a douche it'd be fun i'd like to see it.

I think Motley Crue might be done. Yeah, I didn't research, but whoever's on there, like Styx or Foreigner or Survivor, I don't know, any one of them, it'd be sick. Johnson Roses. Artificial hips up there, giving it one last go. Yeah, Poison. I don't care, man. I mean, Shane was talking about

he saw the Stones recently and it was awesome, he said. He said they killed it. They still got it big. Yeah. Time for my second pick, and I'm going to take getting a big-ass expensive saltwater fish tank. Oh, yeah.

Yes. Pouring myself into that saltwater fish tank life. I liked that. Really getting into it. Maybe even getting some fish of murky origins you know because now you're dealing with exotic animal dealers yeah oh wow these guys are getting me fucking like wait i like are you allowed to own a puffer fish i'm like i do yeah yeah what is it cop going to warrant it was in the tank it was in the tank when i bought it so technically i own it like this sorry yeah here's a big question i have for you what is the stuff

in the tank. The CME. Where's your Emmy? Oh, it's in the shark tank. It's in the shark tank, dude. Yeah. It's in there with Billy Ocean. Shout out to Big Boy.

Big Boy had a shark named Billy Ocean. I remember on Big Boy's Cribs, he had a shark tank in his garage and his shark's name was Billy Ocean. That guy is a midlife crisis in a good way. What if the aquarium was a giant Emmy statue and the circle it's holding up is the aquarium?

I would have to say that would be a big bite for me to take after only winning one Emmy. It's more than a lot of people got. That's true. Thank you. I don't know if it's giant fish tanks. Where is the fish tank? Is it like in your wall or is it,

is you doing something funky with it? In this scenario? Yeah. It's a, it's an L shaped wall. It's behind me, uh, in my office.

Yeah. Yeah. That's great. You come into my office. Yeah. That's great. I can see it right now. I can see it right now. It's a shark swimming by, maybe an octopus. It seems like the care of it is like having a garden or something.

Yeah, you gotta get a person. You gotta get a guy, right? You gotta get a guy. I don't know. I think all the equipment could it's like you gotta make sure that's all clean because I think the salt water will fuck up like the filter or whatever I helped a buddy move a

salt water tank one time and it took 10 hours probably from A to B to empty the hole I mean it's it was crazy how delicate you had to be with all the shit well to suck out all that water, like... Yeah. That's how you do it. We were just using our hands to, you know, scooping it all up.

Would you have an eel in there? I want you to have a stingray or something. Yeah, I'd have a little stingray. I'd have an eel. You name it. I'd also... People would get the call... I would have another tank in my basement where if somebody wasn't performing, they would go to the basement tank.

I'd have a triple A system. My lionfish has been killing it in the basement. You're getting the call up, my friend. Welcome to the big leagues. I was just going to say, I want you to have a shark with another animal's name in it, like a puma shark or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a zebra shark or a cheetah shark.

It's a little guy. It's a gill yeah a rare thing like an albino eel or something like that i got a guy who swims in there cliff he does stuff he does stuff around the house it's a nine to five it's a nine to five it's all right Got a citizenship in that tank. He keeps it tight, man. He keeps it tight for me. It's a living. You take care. Beautiful bronze Greek man swimming in my fish tank. I love it. Yeah, I like that. Big ol' saltwater fish tank. That's a good one. That's a good one.

Zach Disconi, time for your second pick. Oh, okay. Second pick. I'm gonna go... Okay. This is one that I'm like active i'm like i i want to i want to start making my own clothes i want to learn how to sew and tailor and i think it would be so cool if you could just make all your clothes yeah that's the most zack discardi pick ever that's amazing i did not see that wasn't even on my, in my brain. Never even thought about it.

I'll have, I'll have thoughts where I'm like, oh, I just want like, wish I could find like a lavender corduroy suit. And I'm sure there is some in existence, but they're really hard to find. I'm like, God, I wish I just had the knowledge to just sit down and make it. Specialty for me. The thoughts that you have versus the thoughts that i know i've had those thoughts i'm with really yeah i love it i'm like it can't be that hard because you they have the forms you know that they're right but then i guess you have to figure that you have to like okay i measure my shoulders and what does that mean compared to this form where

do i make those adjustments right oh I want more padding in this. Yeah. Would you get, and I would, I'm always thinking about like, would I give myself, like, would I not like a logo, but would I embroider like my initials on every, you know what I mean? Like I make it. I think it's cool to have your name on your clothes. Like Laverne. Yeah.

Laverne Shirley. She always had that. Oh yeah. Yeah. Or like Mr. Sean on yourne. Yeah. Laverne Shirley. She always had that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or like Mr. Sean on your jacket. Yeah. Ah, dude, I wish you had that jacket still. I might.

It might be at the crib. My mom was just talking about it. Yeah. But yeah, I just love that. That's awesome. I've really I'm I'm like in in my own smaller way. I've like trying to put like, OK, what what's my entry level? Like, what do I start making like socks or a tie?

Like, what's the first thing I make? Shorts. I was gonna say shorts. Oh, yeah. Shorts. I took fashion and clothing in high school. I made my own shorts. It wasn't that. I was dumb. Whoa. They had that? They had that at the class? We didn't have that. Yeah, I thought it would

be more girl. Salazar, me and Sally took it because we thought there was going to be us and a bunch of girls. It was. You're like, I'm going to make bras. Then they saw you, David. We know what you're doing. No, no. They're for me.

Little honker holders hey holster that honker lady oh man oh i like that one zach that's like that's a yeah that's great i'd love to see you in a lavender corduroy suit by the way i know i'm to try to make it happen for Lonnie and Chakra's wedding. Have you ever gotten anything tailored that wasn't a suit? Like, campy. I always use to talk about that. Like, getting jeans that you really like, but they're just a little off.

He's like, just go get them tailored. Like, you find something you really like, and then... This is embarrassing, but the last things I've gotten tailored were tennis clothes. That's not embarrassing. Well, it just is like, so, but these are the clothes that have, like, it means the less for them to get tailored. Like, I should be getting, like, nice, like, clothes that I'm going to go on a date or, like, a big event to,

where I'm like, oh, I don't, okay. Oh, I hear you. You mean, I got, there's a little farther down the track. For you, my friend, tennis is a big event. That is true. You're going to wear those more often, right? Yeah, that is true. I do wear those more often, but it does feel like, okay, well, who is this actually for you? Yeah. But a little bit, I think like fashion wise, you want other people to be like, where did you get that? And you're like, I made it.

No, I've had some stuff. Yeah. I've had some stuff. I've had some stuff tailored. Would you get, was it worth it? I've had a, yeah, it's definitely worth it. Like I had some stuff I liked when I lost a bunch of weight that I had

bought like mid weight loss kind of thing. And I was like, Oh, now it's too billowing. I had it like taken in pants brought up, like your clothes fitting. Oh man. That's being able to tell them where you're like oh i know that like classically you would do it this way but i actually want my pants a little bit more high water than normal like you can just

tell them how you want it look at dicko let it out yeah yeah. I've been toying around talking about Jumbo. I've been toying around with the idea of having my own pants made. Really? Yeah. I got a pants guy in the making. We should go on a trip. We should go on a pants trip. We should go to Italy and get pants made. Oh, I was thinking Thailand. That makes sense, too. Thailand or Hong Kong.

Well, just us going into the textile district and you're just buying sheets of cloth or whatever or design where you're like, oh, I'm going to make pants out of these. Bolt after bolt of fabric, dude. I love this. Yeah, that's a great one. Yeah, our buddy

Sam, he was getting fitted for a suit for a wedding. He was on his phone. They were fitting him for the suit and they would pull his pants up and he'd pull him down and he'd like sag him, you know, and they did that like three or four times and he gets off the phone. He's like, leave him down there. They're fucking gonna be down there.

He just said it like that in the place. Awesome. I'm a sag man. Okay, you can't stop me. Yeah, he was like 22. Sean, your second and third picks unfortunately I'm going to have to start Taekwondo again

it's been it comes up way more than you think would you take like daddy and me maybe I might even so I've been known to talk about how good I was at it from time to time. And Laura,

she'll be like, start again. I go, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no. I can't, you can't be good at something, get terrible at it and then go start again. But it seems like something that I might actually get into and then definitely talk about how I was a second degree black belt at one point. I like that for you. I think I still

got it. You just got to stretch. It's like all this stuff can come back. There's going to be signs that you get back into taekwondo. The ponytail is just going to start slowly revealing and go down. Yeah, man. Through the baseball cap hole. They have classes

for adults like that? Oh, yeah. When I was a kid. So when I was 11 or whatever, I was like, they were starting me off as like, they were just getting me into being an instructor before I started skating. My whole goal in life was to open up my own dojo, if you will, and be a Taekwondo teacher. You know, I will. I know you will. And so I remember there were dudes who were 40, 50 and I was their instructor. I was their instructor. It's like an 11.

And, um, yeah, I remember too, these dudes that show up, they'd be out of shape. They'd just be pouring buckets of sweat. And in my mind, I'm like,

these fucking, these losers. Getting caught taekwondo by an 11 year old is not the post divorce that I, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't get you through. Don't worry. I don't even know. 11 year old is not the post divorce that I know what they're looking for an 11 year old touching your shoulder like we'll get you through don't worry yeah I don't know I was right where you were man

I remember when I was nine when Cindy left I thought nothing was gonna change yeah breaking a few boards I'm gonna teach you some taekwondo some taekwondos some taekwondo, some Taekwondonts, some Taekwondo's. Oh, man.

All right. Now, Rick, you didn't really do it right. So give me 20 pushups and let's try it again. Okay. Depending on how many pushups you want to end up doing, maybe you'll get it right. Gentlemen, if you want to find your mojo, you got to come to the dojo. I just saw Austin Powers. All right.

Line up. to the dojo i just saw austin powers all right line up yeah what would be on the satin jackets that you give to all your classmates they ain't satin they're no they're the they're those coach jackets i swear to god it's just gonna be it's gonna have their names stitched on the breast just like mine did you gotta buy them those are satin aren't't they? Shiny, like the shiny. Are they satin? I think so. I think that's satin. I think. I don't know what the... Well, I'm not starting my own dojo.

I mean, well, if I got to that... I don't know what it would be called. I mean, if they let you into Tannisborne, it's game over. I gotta go fight Sensei Dave. Dude, if you break into the Tannisborne Taekwondo scene, I still have those fantasies. I'm like, man, I know what's in there.

I know what's up here. I know what to do because I did it already. So there's a part of me that's just like, do it again, man. Just go be able to backspin above your head. It'd be so sick. Dude, I just want to see you doing a backflip off the roof because you just hung the Christmas lights. I know.

It's so it's real dank to combine to combine those dudes like the Christmas guy. And you're like, you know, he's an eighth degree black belt. I'm going to tell him to turn those lights down. I wouldn't. Not if you like your jaw where it is. I wouldn't do that. Last guy that lived in that house tried to tell him to turn those lights down. Mr. Sean gave him an uppercut to the philtrum

and now he has brain damage. Now you live there. Do the math. Yeah, start in Taekwondo again. And your next pick. I think that I would 23andMe myself trace my family lineage and then go visit for two months.

Nice. Like where I'm from, like where my dad, all I have to go off is my dad said we were mad Irish. My grandma's from Ireland. So I think we are. But I'd kind of like to know. And if we are, I'm just going to go hang out for a couple more. What if you found out you were related to Shane? It would be interesting. Whoa. It would be interesting whoa it would be interesting thank god not until you ever got

pregnant you said it would be interesting i feel like you i feel like you wouldn't tell shane you just hold that knowledge in your own head like oh god yeah i just keep God. I pray he never found out. I'd be like, man, I made fun of the guy so much and here he is, my brother. My brother. I don't think that... No, he's proud of my brother. If he was like a Disney, I'd kill you.

That would be... That's your sitcom. My dad always said we were from this place in Ireland called Jordan and he had a map and he showed it to me. I was like, I don't know if I believe you. But I always kind of wanted to believe it. And he went one time.

He went with my grandma. I don't know. They hung out for like a month. But yeah, just be fun. Just find out where I'm actually from. And if it's not Ireland, it's not Ireland. I just go to where I'm from and kind of see what time it is. And hope it's somewhere dank, I guess. How old was your dad when he went to Ireland?

It's crazy. Were you already born? Yeah. I was just talking about this with someone where I'm older. I'm almost as old as he was when he died, and it's a weird feeling. Oh, me and you were talking about that. Was it me and you? I think I might have been there too.

I think you might have talked about it to all of us we were all just together for two weeks but uh he was probably 30 and i just asked my mom so check this out i've told maybe i told you this he he tried to take me uh to ireland one time with him and my mom said no because he owed i just found out 66 000,000 in child support. And he was like, Hey, I want to go to Ireland. And she's like, no. So I guess my grandma called and was trying to plead the case to my mom. And my mom's like, I can't, I just, I can't, that's crazy.

I just can't. No, he can't go. So he, uh, he never ended up paying that. But then my grandma, like, I think like snuck him kind of under the radar without my mom knowing because she didn't know until i told her yeah yeah because he did go later i don't think my mom ever knew about it like later in life he's probably 40 35 40 somewhere in there wow 66 grand 66 grand so much money isn't that gnarly and then i found out what the child support payments were 175

a month and I was like god damn that's a lot of months I don't know how money even adds up I think there's compounding stuff on there I was just like holy cow you're always

my baby I can't imagine trying to tell Laura like, whoa, I gotta tighten the belt here. $175 a month? Where's she going? Rutgers? You know? What do I need to... Do you know where in Ireland the Jordan family settled? I can't tell if this

is going to be a bit. I hope it is. No, it's not a bit. It's real. I don't. He had like a map of the country and then all the all the families or that the surnames of origin i guess where they were i don't know where it was county mayo mayonnaise better than county mustard yeah county mayo it's in the west of ireland yeah i think that is where Shane's from. He took a picture next to like the Jordan pub or whatever. Yeah. Oh, Isaac says there's a Jordan's town in Northern

Ireland too. Tight, dude. I'm going to go there and let them all know I'm a six degree black belt and I decorate my house. You're descended from, the Jordan family is descended from a French knight who settled over there. Oh, it sounds about right,

dude. I mean, Norman, but French, you know, yeah, Normandy now in France, but Normans were a coastal French.

Sure. Omaha beach, not right. French nights and satin jackets. Yeah, dude. Come on. Nice.

A new satin listening to Moody Blues the whole time Alright, going to Ireland Zach, time for your third pick Ooh, third pick I'm gonna go with Just eating with my hands No more utensils No more utensils

I'm done with it Done it again If you need a fork If you need a fork It ain't happening Go fork yourself I'm done with it. I can't get done it again. If you need a fork, if you need a fork, it ain't happening. Go fork yourself. I'm eating with my hands.

I think eating with, I mean, man, I eat with my hands anytime I'm in a hotel room by myself. And sometimes the messier it is, the more you're like, you enjoy it. Even like orange chicken?

Yeah. I was going to say, how limited?. Even like orange chicken? Yeah. What about chow mein? Yeah. Mac and cheese. Chow mein? Chow mein, low mein, any kind of mein. Wow. Isaac goes, I gotta pee real fast. David's gotta pee real fast.

What about, so no, I guess because you can drink your soup. This isn't going to close off your soup game at all. Yeah, soup, you could just you know. You don't need to hand it. You can drink it out of the container, whatever it's in can drink your soup. This isn't going to close off your soup game at all. Yeah, soup, you could just, you know, cup of soup. You could drink it out of the container, whatever it's in. Cup of soup. Mindball soup would be challenging. What's the craziest thing you eat with your hands right now?

Like what salad? Do you eat a salad with your hands ever? I feel like I have eaten salad with my hands. We can still hear David. That's what I was like, wait, am my hands. We can still hear David. That's what I was like, wait, am I muted? We can only hear David. When I was doing PA stuff, they were like, make sure to always turn your headset off

when you go to the bathroom. He told me, maybe this is an urban legend or whatever, but he told me they've heard multiple people cranking it in the bathroom. Stuff like that. I was like, that's insane to think about. Who makes noise while they crank it? I don't know know that's why i think it might be an urban legend but he told me and i was like well this ain't where i'm gonna beat off i'll tell you that for free someone on the headphones oh boy get up get up mommy

i'm not gonna go in the YouTube headquarters bathroom. You know what I mean? Have a crank off. I pooped in there. What is the weirdest thing you eat? Weirdest thing I've eaten with my hands. Oh, that's a good question. I've got, I've eaten gumbo with my hands. What? I mean, that's like pretty soup.

It's a thick soup. It is thick. Picking through it, like picking a sausage out of it Yeah picking a sausage Picking like a big hunk of corn Or like a potato Yeah cause you just get a big scoop I don't know I just really enjoy it

And if there weren't I'm imagining that midlife you kind of Like you either heighten when you're around When you're being social You either lean into like oh I'm being social and I have to I'm going to lean into the norms or I'm going to go against them and I want to go against them

can I ask you a question here please will you make utensils out of things that aren't utensils and like tortillas chips like can you still use those yeah tortillas for example you try to make your life feel better you're like like tortillas, chips. Can you still use those? Tortillas.

Tortillas, for example. This is definitely you trying to make your life feel better. You're like, let's say you want to eat some garlic butter out of the fridge at midnight and you don't have a spoon.

Oh, like a Zanku? Just dipping in there with a chip? Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Yeah, I feel like chips, anything that you would dip into and get it would count.

I've done that where it's like, Hammy's Buffalo Chicken Dip is a good example where I just was like, I just want to eat this with a fork, but that seems barbaric. So I just use the chips. Like, just barely any chip. I'll get in there with a fork, dude. Oh, yeah. Like a whole fork full?

Yeah, or a spoon, usually. It's a fun concept that I feel like we don't give any room for. I feel like we don't let people live in that world. But who's to say you shouldn't do that? Yeah. Dip as a man. It's honestly probably better for you than using a chip because the chip is just adding on more calories or bad stuff. So, you know, you're actually doing a good thing.

I've eaten a steak by hand. You know, you just hold the whole fucking thing up and just chop some off. Yeah, I've done it hammered. Doesn't it feel free? It does feel free. A steak especially feels free. You feel like an animal just ripping it off.

Yeah. Don't you know about pastas and soups? Well, we talked about soups. I have eaten gumbo with my hands, so that's close. I mean, yeah, you could do the broth. You could just drink it, drink it. When you got bread, too, with soups,

I mean, you know, bread, you could get out of that pretty easy. I pressed him on a chow mein. He eats chow mein. Fair-handed. Chow mein seems more reasonable than spaghetti or something. Chow mein's kind of stiff a little bit, right? Greasy, though.

Stiffer. But then you get to... That's one of my favorite things of the meal, you know? Hey. It's one of my least favorite sounds in the whole world. Sounds like you might already be doing this one. How old are you? Ian, I have no idea what you're talking about.

I just pull a whole rotisserie chicken. Excellent pick. I eat it like corn on the cob. Just a skeleton comes out. Time for my third pick, and I'm going to take saying fuck it, learning how to blacksmith, and joining a Ren Faire. Okay, I like that

in character in character oh so some horseshoes you seek well right this way that's your character what kind of black magic is this they're holding their phone you know you have to interact with that so it's a

device that allows you to call a puppet I don't know I'm a i'm a pirate you can summon a pizza ah father john made us another pizza oh god blessings to the father john did you oh i watched renfair on your recommendation i loved it right it was awesome what is it on netflix uh hbo max I'll watch it for sure. Three episodes. So it's not a long commitment. You gotta enjoy the trip because the destination, just enjoy the trip. Yes.

Yeah. You know, our first date was almost at a Ren Faire, Laura and me. I had to, because I told her like in passing, I was like, yeah, Ren. I was like, I don't know. I think it'd be fun or something. And she's so rad. She like organized this thing. And I was talking to Heather and she's like,

you can't, you can't do that for your first date. You gotta, unless you're both like hella into it, you gotta, you gotta make that later. I don't know why you can't do that. I part ways with Heather on this.

You do? Yeah. I don't know why you can't. What? For what? Why can't? I've still never been to one. I mean,

it's, well, I went when I was like five, but I've never been to one as an adult. I think it'd be a blast. A great first date idea to me yeah i don't understand the reasoning behind that yeah because it does especially for a first date it gives you a lot of like things to talk about that aren't like so how many brothers and sisters do you have like yeah well thanks for

nothing heather well i'll tell you this it worked out so yeah it's true um but now picture you go to that renfair and i'm there making a fucking battle axe dude gortho the claymore yeah a clay what's a what's a claymore big sword right oh yeah big sword oh they call it was those things that blew up in vietnam that too it's a they named the mine after the sword. Oh, really? First. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. As they are want to do.

No, I could have a big broad sword. I can, I can see that. I closed my eyes and I can see you at any, at any stand at the ran fair. Thank you. You know? Yeah. Like you said, blacksmithing, but I'm like, oh, I could see you selling like tulips. I could see you being like the turkey leg guy.

Happily. I'm the kettle corn dude. I'll do that. Does a blacksmith wear that thick, thick leather? Is that what you wear? Yeah, like an apron, right? Gloves. Oh, yeah, that's right. Big gloves. The gloves that go to your elbow. And a shirt that ties up from

the middle of your chest up to the top. It's got the ties on it, right? Yeah. Big gloves, sleeves pulled up three quarters or no sleeves. Honestly. Very specific, Sean. Yeah. I'm starting to get a pretty good image.

Dick out. Dick out. Dick out. Butt out. Under the. Nothing in the back. Nothing in the back. Dude. Just blue skies skies everywhere whoever smelt it

dealt it written on your apron i smelt it and i dealt it i have a keen sense of irony you know what i mean i mean oh yeah there he goes stuff like that i'll say stuff like that i have an owl i got it from Big Boy Big Boy's wife made him sell some of his owls whoa he had to unload an outcast concert at a renaissance fair would be fucking awesome

I traded Big Boy a collection of throwing stars for an owl goods and services I love it you just exist on the barter system now i don't i haven't i haven't touched money in three years they don't pay you in money they pay you in iron yeah and i just turn that into whatever it is i need and copper ian paid the iron price

your little iron tv doesn't change channels but like you can watch it uh david time for your third and your fourth picks oh i'd go down to the community community college and uh take some art classes and then i would find a giant building somewhere and paint a mural of my life thus far oh i think that would be just like it could be my own pride it could be my own house or something i just would like to paint i don't want to write them write it but i would like to paint it as i've seen it you know what i mean just going diego rivera on the wall yeah yeah people looking at like i don't know how long it takes it feels like it's something that would take like six months to a year because initially i was like i would like to get into

tagging but then i was like no that feels kind of juvenile in a way i don't want it to but painting the mural of my life this far then you know hopefully i my home is like what will be the family home so like the kids will see it their kids you know yeah yeah maybe like then my then my then my my progeny they paint the other side of the barn you know what i mean and their kids do a mural your kids are asking your wife mom what about your life and you burst in that is of no importance yes she died in a fire look at the mural it's all covered there yeah yeah she's right above the woman walking out of my

house with those shoes on alright alright Isaac keep that in but the American flag part cut out but yeah yeah yeah I love that that's sick man and then mountains majesty yeah i think it would just be it's just like a cool way to tell your story very cool and then uh my next one so i am decently traveled but but I would like to buy an RV and go tip to tip on the Americas. Oh, yeah.

Top to bottom. Tip to tip is funny. Funny to hear. Tail to chowder. For terminal. Are you doing stand up in this or is this completely nice? No, none of these I'm doing stand up in. None of these.

I must stress that. Yeah, that didn't enter into any of mine. No, it has nothing to do with any of these things that I'm doing. This is in play. You could do this right now. I don't think I don't have not the RV that I want to buy. I see. I see.

I want it to be class A. I want to buy. Ah, I see, I see. I want it to be Class A. I want to go in style. Yeah. One of those like $400,000 situation. I have no idea what RVs cost. I just realized. Millions? The Class A's, the top tier Class A's, millions of dollars.

Really? Yeah. So you've looked into this? Because I used to sell emergency road service for them at the call center. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I know all call center oh yeah yeah yeah so i know yeah yeah i also i'd settle for a class c but class a is kind of like the motor coach home situation i would like with like the pop outs and all that like the yeah yeah yeah well i had no idea these were so expensive

oh dude they go there yeah they're more expensive than homes hey you're gonna use one for 125 grand there 2024 or new is there is there like a route if someone wants to do this is there like a route that the people go or is it just kind of do it there must be i don't know because we're talking it's almost like i would spend i would spend the most time i would spend more time there's the least time in it. I would spend more time, at least time in America, but I would want to go through it. Right. You can pop out on some fools to the tune of 150 grand. I got good news for you.

Because we've been talking about it already, about how fun it would be just to do a vacation, like rent an RV for like a week or something like that. Just get a class C and just like, maybe like us and like a week or something like that. Just get a class C and just like, maybe like us and like another couple or something like that. Like that seems like it would be like a lot of fun. I mean, we decided,

I guess I, a while ago I was like, as soon as we're, I, when we're like 60, I mean, that's, that's the only thing for sure on my docket right now is get an RV and

travel the country for a couple months. Like just do whatever, like no plan, you know, all these tourist attractions, road attractions all that shit all drugs 66 all that stuff all that stuff and just no agenda you know what i mean wake up and be like i don't want to leave today let's leave tomorrow or like i just want to drive all day today that and what i would learn like having that job for a couple years is they also make friends you make campground friends you make campsite you know what I mean it's like

I don't know it seems like but doing it all over the like central and south I don't know if it gets hairy in certain I'm sure it does I think it does but what do you do live life yeah you know I'm packing you got a fucking bazooka

that's one of the pop-outs. I pop out. Yeah. Kick the door open with a bazooka. What was that, gentlemen? Yeah. Here's my travel documents. But yeah, just from the top to the bottom, I think it would be great.

Wow. Would you go East Coast or West Coast, you think? Probably West. So then you could go Alaska. I've driven up and down both coasts. I like the West Coast. I love driving up and down the West Coast. Time for my next pick.

This is one that I personally witnessed and i don't think i could do it in southern california because i think the competition would be too too hot i might have to move back to oregon but i would love to get involved in a middle-aged baseball league oh i love that my dad my dad like baseball not like beer league softball, like baseball. Yeah. Okay. My dad got heavy into this in his third, younger than me, a younger man than me, I think started getting into this in his thirties, but played all through his forties, fifties. Really?

It was sixties. Yeah. I just played like adult league baseball, had a ton of friends played kind of every weekend. I would have to go watch him me and my little sister at the uh ballpark sometimes which would get pretty fucking boring but whatever i wouldn't make my kids go uh but yeah it's just a bunch of adults who get together they play baseball every weekend this is a more grounded one but i think that's awesome i would love to do it i would

love to play i would love to play a little adult league baseball. I love it. What position do you think? Put me on the one bag, dude. I thought you had to be left-handed. You don't have to. You don't have to. It's ideal, but a lot of big leaguers aren't left-handed.

Why is that ideal? So your hand's not in the way of the runner when you're catching? So you can fully stretch. You can catch outside and they don't have to throw by the runner. I never thought about that. Shout out to Todd Helton. Interesting. Shout out to Don Mattingly, dude. My favorite. Yeah, you got Don Mattingly vibes too.

Thank you very much. I keep the stash on. You know I'm keeping the stash on. It's just a fun, it's like a sport you can really play as an adult. You're not pathetic. You're pathetic pathetic but it looks less pathetic no you're not basketball the older right i get what you mean i get what you know yeah it doesn't look like old guys playing basketball looks yeah but that shit's dope though like if you're old get out there and it shouldn't stop you from like doing your version of physical shit though like if you want to go play basketball go

play basketball that's dope you know doesn't matter how no i disagree don't don't go was don mattingly the one that drank 30 beers on a flight one time am i make who was that uh that has wade boggs wade boggs there we go he drank 30 beers on a flight oh yeah and then played or some shit yeah and then played a game right oh my god that i mean i probably had 15 i bet you was the absolute most i've had in a night and i was like way down as legend has it way bogs once drank 107 beers while embarking on a cross-country flight oh my god i mean beer was not as strong back then right please? Please, please say it. No, I don't know. I mean, 108, though.

I mean, what do you think the most you've ever had is, like, 15 or 20? And that's, like, a lot, a lot. I've probably had 20-plus in a night, for sure. With beer bongs, you know? No, I think just, like, cracking. Just drinking. Yeah. Or, like, keg situation. I've had, like, probably 20 to 25, bet which is a lot plenty it's just it's a

it's a uh full volume yeah it's a volume issue and the pissing crispy light beer you wouldn't stop pissing i could drink that many natty not 107 but natty ices i could i put them because once you get to the point where they're tasting like water yeah and they're going down in two three gulps that is true and you're a little tore up so it's everything's easier and you're pissing and drinking at the same rate you know what's the longest cross-country flight though? Like six and a half hours probably? I think six and a half, seven hours maybe? That ain't a lot of time. That's a lot. I mean, it's still like, what, 12 beers an hour?

13 beers an hour? That's a lot, dude. That is. Because then you break it down and that's like a beer every five minutes. I mean, for six hours, that base is nuts oh my god that's a mission you know i want to believe i'd like to believe it too yeah i would i'll say that was

the most earnest i want to believe i want to believe i want to believe it i want to believe that kind of thing happens. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, dudes were built different. Yeah, they were. Dudes named Wade were certainly built different. Yeah. Boggs.

Excuse me, Mr. Boggs. Here's your 109th beer. No, I'm good. We're about to land. I got a word. I'm all right. I got to go play a game. We have to land in Milwaukee to get you more beers. Oh,

Milwaukee. Why? Give me the 109th beer. The Tuscan. It's time for your fourth pick. Okay. Fourth pick. I think I would start doing that Benjamin Franklin thing where instead of

sleeping eight hours in a night, I just break it down into small naps. Oh, yeah. So now I'm just up like almost 24 hours but you know you just take like an hour nap every four hours or whatever whatever it was to say like leonardo da vinci used to sleep like that yeah it seems i mean like why not fuck up your sleep schedule you know be awake for the 3 a.m 4 a.m hours i wonder what my productivity would be like what my if all the hours of the day were

available like when is my peak performance maybe it's 2 a.m and i've just never really known that polyphasically i never even thought about that yeah i mean when i was bartending i i almost got like flip-flopped i mean i'd go to bed at like five for a lot those nights. 5, 6 in there because we'd go after bar. It was interesting where you're just like, oh, it's just nighttime. It's like your new daytime. It was fun. Last year, I had a... God, it was like the worst routing of my life. I did a house show in Edmonton and the next day I had a house show in Boulder. That's like a 20-hour drive. As soon as I left the one show, I had to start driving to the one show, I had to drive,

start driving to the next show. And I thought, Oh, I'm going to be dead when I get to Boulder. I was never more lucid awake. And everything was just, I was like on stage. I was like,

I'm on fire. And for a while I was like, do I have to like try this again just to see if it's, you know what I mean? Like, was it a random off occurrence or is this actually like, if I stay up for almost two days straight, do I like lock in? Then you watch the video of it and you were slurring and stumbling around.

It's like Wolf of Wall Street when he's getting in that car. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh man. But yeah, I think messing up the sleep schedule yeah that's great man decentralized

sleep I love it Sean Jordan it's time for your fourth and then your final picks but first we're going to take another very short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Babbel if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot

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what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. And when you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time, get it like I keep saying. Get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself,

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Sean Jordan, it's time for your fourth and your final picks. We're drafting midlife crises. I had to, man, I don't know if I want to do this. This is goofy, but whatever. I had two picks. I'm going to combine them into what I think would be pretty fun. It's going to be, I'm going to open up a small movie theater, but instead of seats, there's going to be like 12 hot tubs.

And that's how you watch the movie. Oh God. So like, that's going to be thick in there. It's going to be, that screen is going to be moist. It has to sort of, I don't know if it could be in an enclosed room

as well it's got to be outdoors whatever the version is it's got to be a drive-in oh a drive-in would be cool I wasn't thinking like a closed area that's crazy but yeah that's what I thought I thought you were like going into like a regal cinema

like into a hot tub imagine if they like alright and we we're gonna add one hot tub into each one of these theaters go ahead and pick your seat and there's just a bunch of hot tub icons and you're like you're like oh yeah i picked up one of the hot tub spots why is it lighted up well in the hot tub spot they can use their phone unfortunately it's just part of the deal i think that's longer than they medically advise you to be in a hot tub. We, I mean, you don't have to be sitting in there.

You could like, you gotta sign waivers. You get little, you get a little area. How about that? You get like a little area where there's, you can be in the hot tub. You get,

you can get out. There's like a couple lawn chairs or whatever. Like you get your own chair. Yeah. Or you can just sit on the ground. You get like your little area. Like, I don't know. A little, little eight by by eight square whatever the hot tub is you should do you buy a hot springs and you throw up a big screen oh there it is now you're not dealing

with water money or all the hand jobs is part two of this pic uh treating syphilis or what what is how is this a two-parter no you don't treat't treat it. You're middle-aged. If you get it, you get it. All right. That's too young for that for me. It wasn't a two-parter. I had two picks that I combined. Oh, I like it. There were two things

that I wanted to do in the process of the last five minutes. I was like, whatever. This is fun. Have fun. Get goofy. There's my goofy fun. Have fun, get goofy. And so there's my goofy pick. Great. I love it. What's your final pick?

I'm not married in this one and I'm going to purchase a threesome. But you could be married in this. Not the kind of threesome he wants. Not the type of chicks that double up on a dude like me it's not that she's his wife it's that she's a woman you understand the crux of the joke yeah there's a this is a little gnarlier than that

oh my god to hear someone say I'd like to purchase a threesome I'd like to purchase a threesome I'm not mad I'm not gonna purchase it threesome? I'd like to purchase a threesome. I'm not mad. I'm not looking for a threesome. Yeah, it'd be hilarious. She needs to see it. It'd be hilarious? Well, probably. Who knows? Yeah, I think so.

I don't... It's a lot more work than you think, Sean. Of course it is. It's just one of those things where you're like, yeah, sure. Try to make two women happy at once. That's a tall order. My friend.

Oh, that's not in a bed, not out. That's why it being purchased. My friend. That's why it's a business transaction. Ideally, they would be pleased with the money.

Yes. Anything else after that? The crying's on the house. Yeah. That's the guy in this hot tub movie theater i could take you to afterwards yeah don't worry the joker's gonna drive you back home he knows where you live yeah yeah it's pretty you know cut and dry. I don't, you know. Yeah, no, I get it. You get it. Ménage à trois. Trust me, I get it. Feels like that's part and parcel with the hot tub pic. Yeah, absolutely. You're taking a picture here. Maybe it got the gears turning a little greasier than they were.

Sorry, the lady gets the steams going to your head. I mean, you got the gears cranking a little. Sorry. He went to Ireland and learned some stuff about himself. Yeah. Sorry, the lady gets the steams going to your head. He went to Ireland and learned some stuff about himself. Yeah. Sorry, the gears are moist. Zach, your final pick? Okay, my final pick is I'm going to just start talking to strangers, you know?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, just walk up and you're already in the middle of the conversation. I've been privy to that. I've been on the other side of those and I always kind of like them. You know, I was at the park one day and this guy had this dog and it was just him, him and his dog walking past me and he just walks up and he goes, yeah, she doesn't have that much longer. I'm like, all right, well, we're in the conversation now.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And I feel like it's a very dude specific thing that they do when they get older. They just, they're just talking. If you're next to me, you're getting talked to. I like that. I like that energy.

I'll be one of those talkers. I think we all need more of that. Yeah. Totally. When David and I were in Montreal. Yeah. No, go ahead. Sorry.

No, we just, we had an old guy like stop us on on this hike and just talk to us for 10 minutes. That's awesome. Yeah, about stuff to try out of Montreal. We were going to Vermont. Give us all sorts of Vermont information. It was great. Whoa. I like that.

Yeah. Just talking to people. Out there talking. Yeah, it is. I remind myself not to get pressed. We went picking strawberries yesterday. And the woman in front of me when I was trying to pay, she was just chopping it up with the woman that owned the farm.

For a second, I got kind of frustrated. But then I'm like, no, no, no. We're strawberry picking. They're just shooting the shit a little bit. It's okay for me to wait in line for like a minute. It was seriously like a minute just for them to just talk about strawberries. It's fine, you know? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean yeah i have that too where if people are talking or someone's talking to me and i have it in my head like i don't want to do this right like i'm not in

the and then i'm like why what what is waiting for you right right right like why not yeah i'm i'm gonna go to this hotel and eat wendy's on a bed. Hang out with this person. Talk to them for a little bit. You're going to listen to a podcast? Right. Yeah, exactly. I mean, keep listening to this podcast, but talk to people. Yeah. It's just good, too, where you're like, yeah, all right.

People. And it's a fun way. It's like working on your social skills, but you're not putting it on your friends to deal with whatever. You just start talking to a stranger about a break. Oh, it's crazy about your dog. social skills, but you're not putting it on your friends to deal with whatever, you know. You just start talking to a stranger about a break. Oh, it's crazy about your dog. I went through a breakup about a year ago. She left me too. I've been wanting that for years. I've lost myself.

Thanks for signing up. Can I have your dog? Excellent pick. With my last one, I'm going wacky again. I went very earnest. Time for me to get wacky. It's also something I'd be interested in seeing how long I could get away with. Not only do I buy a boat,

but I'm practicing river piracy. Oh! River specifically is so much better. I'm out there on the river. Like the mighty Mississippi? The mighty Mississippi,

the Columbia, the Willamette. How long can I get away with this for? I'm boarding your boat. I have a gun. You got a crew? Yeah, I got a few guys. Yeah, I got some guys. They're handy guys. It's your triple pigs, isn't it? You got your triple pigs on you. It's Belinda!

It's Belinda and company! My pigs are going to board and it's going to be okay. plus you've got the sword don't tell me you don't have any truffles on this boat because belinda doesn't start acting like that unless she smells a truffle yeah and if she can't if she can't find any truffles or trigger finger gets to it listen i'm not able to put her back in the cage until truffles are in her mouth. I just wonder, like, how long could you get away with that for? I think longer than you think. I bet. You're cutting radio cords as you leave.

You know, me and Shocker found out that because I was like, oh, you know, they do all those like European riverboat cruises or like fjord cruises. I was like, oh, you know, they do all those like European riverboat cruises or like fjord cruises. There is a steamboat cruise that goes from Minneapolis to New Orleans. So the whole Mississippi. The whole mighty. And it is way more expensive than you'd think. So I think that would be the perfect boat for you. Can I to pirate? Before you say, can I guess for two questions?

Do you know how much it was without saying? And can I guess? Yes. Okay. Can I ask you how questions? Do you know how much it was without saying? Can I guess? Yes. Okay. Can I ask you how long the cruise is? I think it was like two and a half weeks. That makes sense to me. Let's say $3,000.

Whoa, I think more than that. Yeah, I'm going to guess. Okay, I'll do 85. I'll say 85. Okay. 20. It was like $45,000. Wow.

Really? And we watched a video of what it looks like on the boat and you're like, this is not worth. It's just a bunch of old people sitting on a boat and most of the Mississippi, you're just like it's not like Europe where you're like, oh, all these little quaint towns and they do all these and it's very old.

You're like, oh, that's just some guy's lawn. I guess. Oh, there's the weird part of kansas city cool yeah or it's you're stopping off at like davenport iowa yeah oh yeah and you know they have delights on the boat there must be delights anyway i'm boarding that shit that's what i'm saying you take it over uh david time for your final pick the final pick of the draft mine's really grounded uh i want to restore a 53 chevy pickup truck oh but like all by myself so however long that would take to learn and execute i feel like there would be a lot of trial and error i wouldn't paint it but. Oh, it's a beautiful truck. Yeah. Yeah. I read a YA novel about it when I was a kid and I always had it in my head how much it would like, it was this kid and his dad did it and it just always seemed really great.

You can get trucks for, you know, yeah, you can get like a, you can get one that's $2,500. I don't know how much that works. Oh, here's a fully done one for $50,000. That's pretty cool, man. That's awesome. It's way danker than a dually F-150 or something. You got a cool truck, which is nice. Yeah. If you need that truck for work, cool.

If you don't, what are we doing here? I don't know. I really haven't met those big... Or if you're looking right what are we doing here i don't know i really haven't those big we're talking about your hobby if you need your hobby like our earnest so you need a tow boat or something yeah sure but i mean those mirrors that go out like two feet that's that's a crazy enough swing that right there i can't drive this my common king ranch yet they're so they're so long they're so far out there okay i just sorry i just just Googled. It's $13,640. Okay, that makes more sense. New Orleans

to St. Paul, 23 days. Oh, you go up the river. Interesting. I kind of would want to end in New Orleans. Yeah, I want to end in St. Paul. And maybe you do, because once you get to St. Paul, no shade on St. Paul, Minneapolis rules, but you're like, I'm ready to go home. Maybe that's why right you don't want to clock in in new orleans for another few

days right i've had two weeks on a boat you're like now i'm in new orleans right i've lost all my money yeah no that's sick though that shit would be fun would you have a nickname for the truck you have to name it after somebody, right? Yeah. Belinda? Maybe I'd name it after my grandma, like Sia or something like that. I don't really know. I didn't think about a name. That would be cool.

That's all right. You have the one truck that you name after a guy? Yeah, this is Steven. This is Liam, my truck. Yeah, he gets about 80 miles to the guy. Isn't that crazy? No one ever calls it like he it'd be nuts you could start dude it's like too much yeah it is too much yeah

and it's a dude jesus christ relax this is the final pick isaac do you have a pick i sure do i would acquire some hgh and some steroids and I would get fucking ripped I would get parolic get like ultimate warrior style have some fucking lully every day at the gym every single day

you being jacked with that head of hair I think we'd have to send you elsewhere unstoppable it would not be safe I think it'd have to send you elsewhere. Unstoppable. It would not be safe. I think it'd be all the types of leather you'd be destroying. You'd have to be sent to Parks Unknown, dude. That's where we'd have to send you.

It would not just be for red leather anymore. Oh, man. To recap, that's an excellent pick. To recap, Sean, you went first into getting really into holiday decorations at a competition level. Taekwondo. 23 and me-ing yourself, tracing your lineage and going to where you're from for a couple months.

Opening a small movie theater, but it's 12 hot tubs. And purchasing a threesome. Zach, you went second. You took developing a gambling addiction, making your own clothes, eating with your hands, going on a decentralized sleeping schedule, and talking to strangers. This sounds like I became a gambler, I lost all my money, and these are the things I just have to do now.

You're one type. I went third. I took retiring to Italy and becoming a truffle pigger, getting a big-ass expensive saltwater fish tank, saying fuck it, learning how to blacksmith, and joining a Ren Faire, Middle Age Baseball League, and getting into river piracy. David, you went last and you took opening

an ice cream parlor, following a band around, taking art classes and then painting a mural of your life thus far, buying an RV and going tip-to-tip in the United States, and then restoring a 53 Chevy pickup. Excellent draft picks all. Yeah, that was good. We want to hear yours

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