All Fantasy Everything - People Who Look Like Their Names (w/ Zach Harper, Sean O'Connor, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: July 19, 2018

Some people just got one of those faces. Some people just got one of those names. But a select few... a PRECIOUS few... they got a name that goes with one of those faces. Herein, comedians Sean O'Connor, Sean Jordan and Ian Karmel... with the help of raconteur Zach Harper, draft those names. Yawk. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast whose hiatus is almost over and has to go back to work soon. And what a bummer. That'll be good. Felt like it was going to last forever. I mean, nothing does, Peter Pan. You got to go back, dude.

You're coming back right away too, right? Oh, yeah. I got a week and a half left. Week and a half left. Oh, I cannot wait. You got to go back, dude. You're coming back right away too, right? Oh, yeah. I got a week and a half left. Week and a half left. Oh, I cannot wait. You got to eat the heels of the bread. You ate all the inside. Yeah, I really did.

Oh, my God. My return to the Late Late Show was mostly hiatus. It was such a beautiful move. I worked seven weeks, got a European vacation. Yeah. It's been like a month. Yeah, like a month of vacation. It's so dope. It's really great. It was really vacation. Yeah. And then. It's been like a month. Yeah. Like a month of vacation. That's so dope. It's really great.

It was really smart. Yeah. I mean. But I got a week and a half. Sure. Week and a half left. Week and a half. You should go to Europe.

What? You should go to Europe for the week and a half. You should. I wish. But we just got back from it. We just got back from Europe. Where we basically changed the landscape of the world with Paul McCartney. Yeah.

And. Paul McCartney. Yeah. Paul McCartney Carpool Karaoke changed everything for you guys specifically. I saw that one. Not for me. Not for you? No. Wow. It was great. It was great.

I did the old okey-doke. Yeah, the okey-dokes. That's what they call it. Yeah. Goddamn okey-doke. Okey-doke. It would be funny if we all got very seriously like into defending it yeah like finding really wait why not i don't think he was that good excuse me

excuse me i mean truly i cried watching it i did too it made me feel so much that i didn't even know i had inside of me it wasn't a nice house it wasn't that nice but i thought he would have grown up in a nicer house see but that's what I liked about it. He's just like us. He's trash. Trash. Rats to riches. And you just know there's an hour cut out of him just pointing out everywhere he got a blowjob. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. What was that? That corner, that corner, that corner. Penny Lane was actually about to be getting a blowjob there. Wait, Paul? Paul? Or no, that was you. Oh, sorry, sorry.

Yeah, yeah. That was not... Just for the listeners, because this is an audio medium. I thought Paul... Goddamn, I'm kidding. No, sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah. That was not... Just for the listeners because this is an audio medium. I thought Paul... Goddamn McCartney's here for a second. No, that was Ian Carmel. Really? I was going to make this a video pod.

That way that confusion isn't there. They'll see it. But then I feel like the voice is so good that it would make people think they were seeing Paul McCartney. Sure. I did. Two.

That's the other part of that. Sean S. Jordan. What's happening? Sean, at Sean S. Jordan on Twitter happening Sean at Sean S. Jordan on Twitter true story Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram

I see a lot of those popping up now Sean Patrick Jordan though in real life oh I'm Sean Patrick O'Connor get the hell out of here I mean it's like

the Irish only have three names that every Sean what's your middle name Michael or Patrick yeah I mean there's no other option.

There are actors named Sean Patrick something and Sean Michael something. Sean Patrick Flannery. Sean William. Sean William Scott. Yeah. Dude, Sean Michael Smith, friend of the podcast. You know Sean Smith.

Oh, yeah. Oh, is he a Sean Michael? Yeah. Sean Michael. Sean Michael. Sean Michael. Sean Patrick Thomas is an actor. Sean Patrick Thomas.

True story. Sean Michael's the wrestler. There we go. It's pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. Sean Patrick Stewart. Sean Patrick Stewart. Sean Patrick Stewart.

Not a lot of people know that. Sean Patrick Paul. Sean DePaul. Sean DePatrick. Paul. LeSean Patrick James. LeBron. No, I tried.

It didn't work. LeSean Patrick James. LeSean Patrick James. LeSean Patrick McCoy. His younger, effeminate sister. Yeah. Brother. Brother.

Sister, brother. Well, you don't know their gender. No, I have no idea. We'll find out the pronoun. Yeah, I don't really know that. So why put S? Why Sean S. Jordan? For skateboard?

Sean S. It was for... Sean. For sure. Okay. So I've got an album coming out. I got an album coming out, and I'm ticking around with what to make the front cover. And every time that my girlfriend gets a chance to interject,

she's like, well, you don't have to make it all about skateboarding. And the last time I was like, listen, I'm, I'm not stupid. I get those little hints that you throw in and I understand that you don't,

but I'm like, it's going to be pretty skateboard scent. I'm sorry. That's just been the biggest part of my life. You should have to buy a deck and the CD comes with it. It's like in the, in the wrapper. Yeah. God, that'd be tight. There should be a special edition where you there's like 10

sean jordan skate decks dude and you need like cd comes with one of them who's releasing it do that yeah special thing that was a fantastic idea if you're listening you've beaten skater die as well like yeah you need some kind of proof you've done a 900 i can get if i can get a million on tony hawk i'm one of like two people i ever met that can do that is the other tony hawk you know Yeah, you need some kind of proof of that. Prove you've been a skated eye. You've done a 900 on Tony Hawk. I can get a million on Tony Hawk. I'm one of like two people I ever met that can do that. Is the other Tony Hawk? You know, I beat Tony Hawk in Tony Hawk one time. Sorry to point at you so aggressively.

No, that's fine. My blood starts boiling. Sean's in here pointing with both pinkies. Sean Jordan's pointing with both pinkies like a mob boss. I'm actually doing push-ups on the other end. And he's breathing heavily while eating spaghetti. They're actually on fire, which is weird. And please, let's call him by, he earned the title Sir Anthony Hawk.

Sir Anthony Hawk, which is weird. And please, let's call him by, he earned the title Sir Anthony Hawk. Sir Anthony Hawk stepped to me at the San Diego trade show, ASR trade show, in Tony Hawk. And it was right after I'd broken my leg. So I was playing and I was really good at it because that's all I did. And then he just stepped up and started playing. I beat him. He didn't give a fuck. Here I am 20 years later telling the story. Exactly.

That was for you. That was for you. He came up to you. He he was like you want to get nar nar and i go you're not tony hawk he was kickflipping the whole time right yeah he was like playing with the controls he's got a bad kickflip he's got a rough kick does he have a bad kickflip he's not a street skater oh yeah yeah he's got a rough kick i have a similar story different trade show uh rodney mullen and i played tetris together i destroyed him all that guy knows is skateboard tricks wow he's a savant rodney mullen he's uh yeah he's definitely like a skateboard savant for sure my favorite skateboarder of all time yeah he's dope man once wrote a role for him in a cartoon

and uh when people heard his voice, they were like, no. Yeah, he does never really, he's got kind of, he kind of sounds like crazy, kind of talks like this

about his cartoon. Yeah, he talks like he's been abused every day of his life. Every day, yeah. He sounds like a veal spoke English. That's what Rodney Rollins

would talk like. Sounds like he's just out of breath from sitting. That's what he sounds like. He does. You dude. Can we just talk about skateboarding the rest of the time?

Sure. We need to fucking draft anything. All right. This is sick, dude. Let's make fun of Rodney Mullen who probably was emotionally abused. Yeah, he had a rough relationship with his dad.

Skateboarding was his outlet. So this is kind of uncomfortable. Yeah. But every outlet needs a plug. So anyway, the S actually was supposed to be Sean's Jordan is what it was supposed to be. Oh. That's not true. Is that true? Yeah. Sean's Jordan. Sean. Yeah. But every outlet needs a plug. So anyway, the S actually was supposed to be Sean's Jordan is what it was supposed to be.

Oh. That's not true. Is that true? Yeah. Sean's Jordan. Sean's Jordan. I couldn't think of anything. Sean P. Jordan was taken. Like Hans Gruber. And Brian Cook, that rainbow, that sunshine of a man, told me if there's numbers or the word comedy in it, that you're like a fucking asshole or something. And there were numbers at the time.

My email address, I'll give it out. Sean O'connor company i hate it i hate getting it at hotels it is so embarrassing my email has 187 in it because i when i when i made my gmail i was like i'll never need this so i'm like i'm gonna put fucking murder in there so it's yeah it's got 187 and i give it to professional people yeah it's embarrassing i had my first comedy email, which I, like, if I could get rid of it, but I don't because Joe Mandy refuses

to learn my new email, so he sends only emails to SeanBringsTheFunny at Gmail.com. Oh, no! I check it only for him. There was a time where I would just create emails to sit on them, like it was like a URL.

Prospecting. So I think like I think I had two Hotmail accounts. One was like. One was Hotmail, H-O-T-M-A-L-E. Yeah, that's what Hotmail is. One was like, it was like say my name at Hotmail.com and the other one was the other one was bad mother foe. Were you hoping

Beyonce was going to buy it? I kind of did. If Beyonce or Samuel L. Jackson ever need a Hotmail address. I got this. BadMotherPho? At Hotmail.com. I don't know what I was thinking.

Because you probably went for Bad Mofo, take a Bad Mother Pho. Yeah. You thought your mom was going to open up a Pho restaurant. I did. And use a Hotmail address. You know that one thing about my mom is that she loves to cook Pho.

She loves Vietnamese cuisine. She emailed us about it. Harper's mom emailed the podcast email and it was so sick. She goes, after I'm done with you guys, I guess I'll have to start listening to my son. She won't.

My only job right now is she won't listen. That was so dope. I forgot about that. What's your mom's name? Chris. Shout out, Chris. St. Chris. Shout out to St. Chris.

St. Chris. Shout out to St. Sue. St. Sue, St. Kelly Jordan. Is your mom a saint? No. No. Patricia. Love her, but she ain't no saint.

Shout out to Patty. Patty O'Connor. Patty. Patty O'Connor. Sean, anything to anything to promote your album recording is sold out

sold out so I'm just being a dick when I brag about it now I'm fine about it sold out my parents will be there that is so dope why don't you come up

come hang out I have nothing to do I might David's gonna be there Ian will be there Zach will be there we're gonna die we're all gonna die

that weekend so yeah yeah there I'll be doing the business on August 6th. That's a show in LA. If you're in LA. August 4th, I'll be at Good Heroin at Stories.

Yes. In Echo Park, which is a really fun show. So yeah. And come see us at High Plains. Oh God. Yeah. High Plains. In Denver, we're doing High Plains.

So yes, like by, you know, as soon as we know exactly what dates we're going to be, or like what day and show, but just know that we're going to be there 23rd, 24th, 25th. Say word. Doing standup and all that, but come to the podcast for sure. Sean O'Connor in the studio as well. Oh, yeah. At Sean O'Connor. At Sean O'Connor.

Hey, guys. On Twitter. Yeah, at Sean O'Connor Comedy at gmail.com. Sean O'Connor Comedy at Sean Brings the Fun. Was it The Funny or The Funny? Sean Brings the Funny, dude. Brings the Funny. The Funny.

Yeah, I knew my limitations. And Sean brings the fun. Was it the funny or the funny? Sean brings the funny, dude. Brings the funny. The funny. I knew my limitations. Isn't it weird those phrases that get associated with bringing the funny and like, let's keep the comedy train rolling. It could not have been worse. I was 19 and Gmail just started and I was like, hey, I do comedy. I bring the funny. I don't bring the comedy quite yet. I bring the funny.

I still think Sean O'Comedy is your next evolution. I mean, of course. I mean, it's right there. What do you got? What's new with you? You were in Europe? Did you stay? I stayed.

I went to Paris, France. Oh, my God, guys. How long were you there total? Four days in Paris. It was okay. I mean, like, just all across the pond. Oh, we were there for like two weeks. Nice. Yeah, in Paris. It was okay. I mean like just all across the pond. Oh, we were there for like two weeks. Nice. Yeah, two weeks. It was great.

That place, wonderful. Paris is beautiful. Oh, yeah. London is just New York. No one will ever admit that. But it 100% is New York. Neither place wants to admit it, but that's what it's what's going on. It's just you guys clearly built the same city twice.

Yeah. With all the with the Pret-a-Manger and everything. They showed up to New York and they're like, you know It's just you guys clearly built the same city twice. Yeah. With the Pret-a-Manger and everything. They showed up to New York and they're like, you know what would go great here? London. You really, if you blindfolded me and dropped me off in London and didn't let me talk to anybody, it would take a minute to figure out where I was. Exactly. Especially if you're in the actual city part where you're not on the River

Thames. Is that how you say it? Thames. The River Thames. By the way, it's famed. Fuck off. We invented the language. We got sloppy with it, too. But yeah, if you go into the city part, it's just New York.

And I love it. I like New York. It's better city part, it's just New York. And I love it. Yeah, it sounds tight. Because I like New York. Yeah. It's better New York. It's cleaner New York. It's New York where everyone gives you dirty looks for how you're dressed. Yeah.

Yeah. That's only certain parts of New York where that happens, I feel. You can wear t-shirts there. But in London, it's like, why isn't your top button buttoned? No buttons. No buttons. Well. I've never been to london i just imagine like canes and derby hats like everywhere that's why people see those yeah people are impeccably dressed yeah they look wonderful like a lot of pressure like garbage men are dressed like

they're like in mumford and son they. They're called rubbish men. Yeah, rubbish men. Rubbish lords. Rubbish lords. I'm going to put my rubbish lord outfit on today. I think we just found your next album name. The rubbish lord. The rubbish lords. Then if you, I went to North London with Dickie and Tom, who we work with, to go see the Rolling Stones. Oh, the Chavs are.

And I met basically New Jersey. I met where you're from to New York. Perfect. All these roughneck motherfuckers who are looking to get in a fight, but the London version of it. See, and they are scary. Yeah, they're scary.

They are scary, because the thing that I kind of do like about London is unless you are, because it's so classist, but unless you are just from money so classist but unless you are just like from money your life ends at 18 that's when you start your job

so you're just so pissed off so you're just getting pissed at night if you ain't fucking you're fighting I imagine New Yorkers wouldn't be too quick to admit this but I bet Londoners are scrappier, you know? Just because it's been around for longer.

Could be. Could be. Depends on what part of the arm you draw blood from. It just seems like they're a little more willing to fight with soccer being such a culture and thing. Yeah, I don't know if, like, I think the Upper West Side will lose to a Northern Londoner. Yeah, yeah. But I think a Northern Londoner would have quite the problem with a man from the Bronx. Yeah, the Bronx guys might.

I think a lot of that toughness, though, comes from cobblestone streets. I think that you don't want to get knocked down onto a cobblestone street, so I think that you have to prepare yourself and learn how to fight because of it. Yeah, I like that, right? Yeah, bitch, everyone's skull has chips in it.

Yeah, chips and dance. Just floating around, now you drink it off. And that's just from being in Britain and living on an island. Everyone does look related in London. We can't talk about that. It's so weird.

We have a lot of British listeners. You know we're just generalizing. I'm from South Dakota. Generalize away. I've never seen someone look like Keira Knightley and I am for it. They have so many beautiful people over there but then they also just have people where a whole person

is just an elbow. You know what I mean? Where their body's like real weird. Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's from the being from a village of 12. That's how you get your Ed Sheeran. There's a lot of people who are extremely skinny except for their pot

belly, and then they go back to being extremely skinny. I know. It's the most wonderful place. It's so magical, and there's so much history. I love it. That's where I want to go. I've never been to Europe, but I want to go to London

just because the language wouldn't be an issue, so just make it real easy. Everything's kind of seamless, and it just seems rad. Awful for skateboarding. Huh? Awful for skateboarding. Well, I would like to go there more of a sightseer.

Because you're right, the spots are terrible because they're so weathered and they're old. Like the cobblestone. And Gandalf is there like, you shall not escape. He says that to rollerbladers, dude. We pay him. He gets a monthly out of the skateboard union. Skateboarding is a crime. He won't let people wear turtlenecks or rollerblades.

We make sure of that in the skateboard union. But in France, oh my God. Models skateboarding everywhere. It's crazy. Spots are crazy. And Barcelona is another one of those places. Is that where Bam's at right now? Barcelona.

Barcelona. He lived there for a while. He might still. Bam Madera. Bam Madera. Bam Madera. Bam Madera. Bam Madera. Speaking of stereotypes, I found that in Paris, the stereotypes held true for older people,

but the younger people were lovely. They wanted to speak English. They wanted to work on their English. Oh, absolutely. Couldn't have been friendlier. Yeah. France, the older people hated me because I was bringing a baby into restaurants. And because you had a Space Jam shirt.

I was literally wearing a Space Jam shirt holding a child, and they're like, just give him a cigarette and make him wait outside. Can you refill my Dream Team cup with wine, please? Why isn't that baby drunk? I found it to be, yeah, the British people were actually kind of dicks, but disguised under a thin layer of manners. And then the French were direct, but mostly nice.

Right. You speak a little French, right? So when you go, you give it a shot at least, don't you? When I say I speak French, I mean I have Jacques and Justo right here. And I understand I'm holding up my fist. For those listeners who don't know what he means, he's talking about lights and out is what he's talking about. Yeah, lights and out.

But in France, Jacques and Justo. We'll go 20,000 leagues under the sea. And I tell him that. I walk up to every French person I see and I tell him that. Which one of my uncles you want to meet? Jacques and Cousteau, playboy. I don't get out of the airport. Sean, what do you got coming up?

I mean, I helped out the littlest bit on Who Is America on Showtime. Watch that. It's really great. And then I wrote two episodes of Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy. That's coming to Sony Crackle on August 23rd. It's free. Hell yeah, watch that. And yeah, there's really great people in it, like Cheech Marin.

Cheech is in it? Cheech is in it. That's awesome, dude. Yeah. Hell yeah. Keep getting checks, Cheech. That was, for some reason, he was the name I chose to promote there. I think he said half of an episode.

An episode I wrote has Noah Wells, and it's really good. All our listeners are people who are still kind of trying to get their friends into Frank Zappa. So that's like our main listenership. By the way, get into Frank Zappa already. That's mostly Sean driving that. Shit. Oh, are you a Zappa head? Look at my sweatshirt, bro.

You're wearing a t-shirt that says The Comedy Addict. Look at the sweatshirt he has at home, though. You didn't say which one. Do I need to show you my tattoos? I thought we were gonna play it off. I gotta show you my tattoos? Right on my ribcage, dude. He's got Diesel. It says Thug Life. I got a

Mac-10, and then it's got Dweezil and Frank Zappa. Wow, cool. Dweezil and Frank Zappa. Wow, cool. Dweezil and Frank Zappa are on a tandem bicycle being chased by Moon Unit and Ahmet. Moon Unit. Ahmet said my name on his old MTV show where you would play from home. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was called Web Bites or something.

It was on MTV. Crazy. Ahmet Zappa hosted a game show at 5 p.m. And then you would play in an AOL chat room. Yeah, I remember that. And he read me because I was in the lead one day. It's the greatest moment of my entire life. Sean brings the trivia. Sean brings the funny.

And he's also bringing the leaderboard right now. Sean brings the funny with 50 minutes on AOL. There it is. I think at that point my AOL screen name was uppercase V, uppercase V, uppercase V, uppercase V, F, animal, L-O-D. Because I was posing as animal from Legion of Doom. Trying to get that cyber sex. Yeah, absolutely. Hey, just blow it off steam in between matches.

I don't know where Hawk's at. He's around. ASL. Yeah, if you're ever in Omaha, I could get you into one of the matches. We go to the College World Series the next day, bro. Mine was Joe Dierte 187. That was my fascinated with this 187 thing. Yeah, and Joe Dirt.

How do you spell Dierte? D-I-R-T-E. Because in the movie, they go, Joe Dirt. And he goes, I like to put an E on the end. And Joe Dirt. Yeah. How do you spell D-I-R-T-E? D-I-R-T-E. Because in the movie, they go, Joe Dirt. And he goes, I like to put an E on the end, pronounce it D-I-R-T-E. It's kind of cool. There you go. Whatever, Dirt. So Joe Dirt, 187.

Really made me who I was. What was yours? I was Sticky McJew. Yeah, that's terrible. Wow. No. Yes. Wow.

So Sticky was like my nickname that I was given by like a second grade teacher that, because like Caramel, I think, that then he told my fifth grade teacher, which then became one of the football coaches. Like Stick'em. Stick'em, yeah. Yeah, but whatever it came from. Did he also add the McJew part? No.

The worst part was me. You know this was back when Mick was funny? Yeah. You know? And then like the cadence where it was like, da-da, Mick, and then one syllable? Like, fucky McFuckface over here.

It was like right in the prime of that comedy. Yeah, so Sticky McJew. Yeah, and that's where I would try to flirt with other middle schoolers. Yes. From the platform of Sticky McJew. Yeah, yeah. Hey, do you want to go to the dance? Or maybe I'll go play bolo in the computer lab while you're at the dance? from the platform of Sticky McJew. Yeah, yeah. Hey, do you want to go to the dance?

Or maybe I'll go play bolo in the computer lab while you're at the dance? Fuck yeah, dude. That is a hard thing to admit. Dude, I was thinking about the other, walking down the street, and I saw like a probably 12-year-old, and I was like, when you were 12, you thought you were a crip.

That's what I was thinking to myself. Oh, yeah. Rough stuff when you think back. Well, you kind of were. I thought you were a crip that's what I was thinking of myself oh yeah rough stuff when you think back well you kind of were I thought you got initiated and everything it's called beat in

oh yeah right sorry and I did you paid the admission fee but it makes you you know makes you who you are you get a juice box

you turned into you turned into to the guy that I know and love right there that's right so whatever AOL screen name it took I'd give a shit

Emmy McNominate yeah going to the McJim every goddamn that should be your Twitter ad there. That's right. So whatever AOL screen name it took, I'd give a shit. Emmy McNominate. Going to the McJim. Every goddamn McJim. That should be your Twitter ad. Emmy McNominate? Harper, good segue into that. What was your AOL chat name? Oh, yeah. It was boring though. It wasn't... It was Zharp17, because I was

17 when I played it. And you played the harp? And I played the harp. And the Z stood for Zeus. Yeah, huge Greek mythology fan. Zeus Harp. I couldn't stop. Zeus Harp 17. Yeah.

That's cool as hell. You thought that was boring? Yeah, what the hell is boring about that? Zeus Harp? You were wearing a toga and a big fake beard playing harp at people? Yeah, always. For those wondering, Zeus Harper's real first name Zeus Harper

it's Zeus Zach Harper in the building at Talk Hoops yeah villain villainous enemy of the podcast I've heard I'm an enemy

I don't listen but I've heard all this laughing is just just cause we're having a gnarly street fight outside I'm gonna rub your face on the pavement dude you seen Kickboxer

I've seen Kickboxer it's gonna be more like a Terminator 2 situation what I I'm going to do to you. Okay. You're referencing a lot of movies here. By Terminator 2, he means the abyss. You're going down. Speaking of movies.

Yes. I started watching part of Hollow Man the other night. Okay. That's an uncomfortable movie. Oh, yeah. Where Kevin Bacon sneaks in and watches her shower and shit. Yeah, there's a straight R scene. Yeah.

Real R scene. Yeah. I say it because it's rated R. But also, it's rape. It's bad. It's a real uncomfortable movie. Real uncomfortable movie. At that time, you're still supposed to kind of be rooting for him.

Yeah. Oh, this poor guy. Nobody liked him when she could see him. That was like a gritty remake of The Invisible Man, too, which was one of those goofy, floating... No, the... Like the Universal Monster.

The floating fedora. If the Dark Universe didn't blow up after The Mummy, it was going to be Johnny Depp as The Invisible Man. Is that what was going to happen? Yeah. What a what if. Then he could have kept spending like two grand a day on wine. Exactly. If he would have got that. Yeah, no. He was cast. They did the pictures

and everything. Was he just going to be wrapped in scarves? Like, is that what he was going to do? Yeah, he was going to be a normal Johnny Depp. And then he'd show up to the studio and they'd put his costume on. He had two more scarves. But that's actually going to be the new Sauvage campaign. They're still going to

keep the pictures. Johnny Depp has slowly turned into Steven Tyler's microphone stand. Just a bunch of necklaces and jewelry hanging there.

That's Sauvage. Yeah, Sauvage. If he becomes too problematic, the new Sauvage campaign should just be Steven Tyler's microphone stand

with Sauvage over it. Steven Tyler in the background just reaching out like, give me my microphone stand. Wanna baby smell good. How was Summer League tacos? Summer League, it was weird. This was the first year I didn't have any work to do, so it was all networking. Yeah. And it was a weird experience.

Right, yeah, that's what we'll call it. But then we ended my trip, or my part of the trip, with a live show. Our podcast did a live show. Right. Yeah, that's what we'll call it. But then we ended my trip or my part of the trip with a live show. Our podcast did a live show in Vegas. It went great. We released the audio yesterday. Check that out. That's heavily edited. So, yeah, you just go to the old Count the Dings Twitter account.

So when you're networking in the NBA world, what are you – are you like going up to – I don't know. I haven't been watching in a while, Latrell Sprewell? There's a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me, Latrell, what the fuck are you doing here? As we all know, Latrell Sprewell is in Cirque du Soleil now, so it happens that he'll be in Vegas. Is he in Zumanity? He's in Zumanity, right.

He chokes the zookeeper. Yeah, he just chokes every animal there. I want to see Zumanity, but I am afraid to broach the topic with my wife because it's X-rated. That's the sex one, right? I don't want her to think that I'm horny, but I want to see it. Just because you want to see what that is. I want to know what X-rated Cirque du Soleil is. I bet like eight French-Canadian gymnasts make the shape of a penis.

Well, the weird thing is I thought Cirque du Soleil was X-rated. So if they're saying this one is X-rated, I don't know what to expect. Wait, is Cirque du Soleil was X-rated So if they're saying this one is X-rated I don't know what to expect Is Cirque du Soleil X-rated? I thought it was just like the Beatles played And then they're like Putting their toes in their mouth You're thinking of the Elton John show

Having been to both the Beatles and the Elton John show In the same weekend I have nothing to say I just wanted to say I went to those on the same weekend. There you go. I have nothing to say. I just wanted to say I went to those on the same weekend. Brought St. Zucarmel. Had a great time. Hell yeah, you did. Had a great time.

Cry? Shed any tears? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cried right next to friend of the podcast, Shane Torres. Oh, sugar do. Amazing. Nothing bad about him coming out this time.

Okay. He's an amazing person. Buy his album. We've been talking a lot of shit about him. He got a little toasty last time, so it's, you know, nothing but love this time. But I cried. We went to Elton John together

and I cried. Oh, that's right. I imagine he didn't because he's tough as nails. Again, Shane Torres, friend of the podcast. Tough in the leather. Yeah.

Really brought it to a halt because I was lying, so. Get a haircut, bro. So what was, yeah, what is, is that just like a lot of drinking with people who work in like the Philadelphia 76ers front office?

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, you go there, you like, you make an appearance at the arena, you hang out for a couple hours, you find out where everyone's going to dinner that night and for drinks after, and then you just meet them and you're out for, you know, until you decide you can't take anymore. And then you sleep for three hours and then you do the exact same thing again. Yeah. It's great.

So it's just like kind of a normal basic experience. Except it's just that LeBron same thing again. Wow. Yeah, it's great. So it's just like kind of a normal experience. Except it's just that LeBron James is there. Wow. Yeah. LeBron James. I saw you at a Lil Jon concert like at 4 a.m. or something. Bleacher Report had a party. You guys just ran into each other there? Yeah.

No, I was just hanging out. Oh, Ian, what are you doing? It was in Asheville, North Carolina. Summer League's weird. No, I saw you on Instagram stories. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Bleacher Report threw a party, and I got in somehow.

Yeah. And so there was just this table next to the DJ booth. And for the longest time, I'm just listening to the DJ, the music, all this stuff. I'm like, man, this dude sounds a lot like Lil Jon. Yeah. And then I look to my right, and he's there standing on the stage, like, just shouting at the crowd. Wow.

It was great. That's sick. It was awesome. I would love to get shouted out by him. JaVale McGee was there. JaVale McGee was there? Yeah. JaVale McGee and Lil Jon in the same room?

Yeah, like, 100 feet away from each other. Wow. Yeah. That's buck. It was great. That's Summer League. I just got to go to the Street League, which is a big skateboard contest, and I was, like, 10 feet from Lil Wayne.

Wow. He's a big skate fan. Okay. So he was just, like, sitting there, and is a big skateboard contest, and I was like 10 feet from Lil Wayne. He's a big skate fan, so he was just like sitting there and we're both just fine. I don't know. It was really cool. Was he holding a styrofoam cup? Two of them. Stacked together. Double cup, of course. That's like antlers for rappers from the South, right? It's like how many styrofoam cups you have stacked up? I never see one with just

one. It's always at least two. No, because the two, the reason why is they combine them. Like you have your Sprite if you want it. And then your Promethazine that you order in a separate cup. And you pour those both together. Is it uncultured to go 7-Up instead of Sprite? Like is that offensive? I don't think so.

I prefer 7-Up. It might be a regional thing. Might be, yeah. Yeah, like, I think Sprite is, like, you know, that's the East Coast. Sure. Yeah. I can see that. All right.

Promethazine Universal. I like to think they, if they have, like, eight Styrofoam cups stacked up, they've hauled out seven of them, so it's just a super cup they built. Yeah. Because they're like, I'm going to want a lot of Dirty Sprite.

That's how you get it past the TSAs, because you're only allowed to bring the one cup. And they're like, wait, is that eight individual cups? They're like, I'm going to want a lot of dirty Sprite. That's how you get it past the TSA. Because you're only allowed to bring the one cup. And they're like, wait, is that eight individual cups? They're like, yes. Don't check. One night, speaking of a giant cup, one night in a club in Vegas, I tried to drink out of one of those

Magnum Don Julio bottles. Whoa, really? Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. They're tall, brown pyramids. It's like a two and a half, three foot bottle. Oh. It's huge.

The Domino 1492? Yeah, it's glowing. Pyramids. Did you know this about Vegas? That the Luxor- Shape of a pyramid. From outside, it's a pyramid. It looks like a pyramid.

What? See, when you're inside, you can't tell. You look up and you're like, it's a fucking hotel. Go outside. It's a pyramid, bro. I thought it was a triangle. No, pyramid. It's a pyramid.

Something- 3D and everything. Oh, wow. The whole, yeah. I've it was a triangle. No, pyramid. It's not 3D and everything. No, wow. The whole, yeah. I've just seen the one side of it. Oh, no, but I know that with the Louvre, there's a pyramid. Yeah, the Louvre, there's a pyramid, too.

Like the Luxor? No, just the Louvre. But like the Luxor. I mean, yeah, I guess like the Luxor. See, come on, El Luxor. This is actually interesting, though. I didn't know it was a pyramid. This is actually interesting, though.

I didn't know it was a pyramid. But how it differs from the pyramids in Egypt is when you go inside. I don't see how they could differ. They're both pyramids. It's a huge difference. When you go inside the one in Egypt, Carrot Top's not performing. Okay. Because Jesus is busy. If you like it.

Jesus took up all the real estate. I get it. Yeah, famous Egyptian prop comic There's not someone from Pocatello, Idaho Weeping because they spent All their insulin money Well, that got me That's the big diff

Although, if you hit the right pyramid in Egypt Oh, that's funny The Louvre is a trip, huh? You went to the Louvre? Went to the Louvre The hottest place I've ever been It's so hot there Yeah, it's funny. The Louvre is a trip, huh? You went to the Louvre? Went to the Louvre. The hottest place I've ever been. It's so hot there. Yeah, it's really hot. Yeah, I mean, and by the way,

the Mona Lisa sucks. It's tiny! It's small, and it's covered in so much glass. Yeah, nobody has ever said anything good about it. No, it's so underwhelming, and I talked to Ian over text message, across the hall is like a painting that must've taken years.

The biggest thing you've ever seen in your life is direct. Like if you like are facing the Mona Lisa and you turn 180 degrees, the biggest painting you've ever seen. It's so big. And then the Mona Lisa is, you put slightly more paper, like a bigger paper and a printer. Yeah.

Oh, that's not big. Yeah, no a bigger paper in a printer. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's how, really? Yeah, it's not big. Yeah, no, it's like, it's like two postcards. Also, do we know that it's true to form? Do we know that that's how she looked? We don't know.

We don't know. We don't know. Was it like roughly the size that the Joker poster unframed was on my wall when I was 26? Why so serious? Does everybody get a chance to say that to Mona Lisa

when they walk up? It's smaller than why so serious. A Joker poster you would buy at Spencer's Games. Even unframed. Unframed. Even unframed. Yeah. My main takeaway was I think Da Vinci's incredibly overrated.

Yeah. We give him a lot of credit for coming up with the idea of a bicycle helicopter. It doesn't even work. Where is that? The Assassin's Creed games have done more to bolster this man's fraudulent legacy. Where's that Uber option? Yeah. We could fill the Grand Canyon with shit that I thought of that will never work.

I'd be thrilled if there was a fucking, now I can't think of anything. A rotating hot dog skin that you can put on whatever meat you want. Maybe I want a tuna hot dog. Here's the skin. You rolled over. That's just an idea out of the blue right now. That's great. Yeah.

Elephant saddles. If he had a drawing for elephant saddles, people would have been like, wow. Sure. You know. Like water skis, but for the freeway. Can we do that? Yeah. Like long rollerblades that you can wear on the freeway.

I think we need more pedestrians on the freeway, so I'm into this. We need some. Right. I barely see any out there, and this is Los Angeles. Feather jeans. Feather jeans. Jeans made of feathers. Another great idea.

Cookie toothpaste. Why can't? That's the thing. They could do that. If they can make it taste like fucking cinnamon, they can make it taste like fucking cookies. Cookie toothpaste. Got a big date tonight.

Better get that oatmeal raisin. DaVinci didn't do any of this. I am Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter and Instagram. Can I promote something real quick? Yeah, please. Oh, please. We just announced today that our podcast, if you're in New York on October 5th, we're doing a live show somewhere in Brooklyn.

I don't know the name of the place yet, but check that out. The Barclays Center, I imagine. The Barclays Center. Exactly. Yeah. Selling it out. October 5th. Check out Elisa Carmel's birthday.

My little sister. Okay. There it is. We're doing it in honor of her. Oh, that's fantastic. That's fantastic. She'll be excited to hear that. That'll buoy her.

That'll buoy her. That'll put a wind in her sails. Right. That's why we do it. Yeah. That's why we do it. People are laughing. I'm seeing it.

When she finds that out. I'm thrilled about it. Sean, both Sean's over here laughing like a couple of cackling skeletons on Pirates of the Caribbean. Well, it's because I'm a drunk Irishman over here with my glass of whiskey. Oh, did you pour yourself an afternoon? I got a little snort. What am I doing tonight? All right.

We were recording this at 9.30 a.m. It's 9.30 a.m. Just for the record. And we all have work after this. Going straight to work at the Louvre. So we have a shift at the Louvre. Which is a pyramid. Much like the Luxor.

We have to stand, well, I was going to say stand closer to the Mona Lisa to make it look bigger, but you know, we're all hulking gentlemen. Who put plenty of time into the gym well I got another well you're there every day every day every day

come see us at High Plains we're gonna be there we're gonna be there I'm pretty excited about it that's fucking it that's about it come to Good Looks

if you're in LA the first and third Wednesday every month do it it's an amazing show I did a very small amount of work on that Sasha Baron Cohen thing too check that out.

I mostly sat in there and was like, great idea, Sacha. Oh my God. Yeah, no. When I say a small amount of work, it truly was just,

I think I pitched four total jokes and was like, oh my God. You're a genius. You're the king. Yeah. Most of us worked on that.

Most people in comedy did a day or two under the Sacha Baron Cohen show. It's supposed to be good, though. I mean, the clip I've seen, amazing. Surely this will be

the comedy that saves our country. If there's anything Americans love, it's when someone comes from a different country and tells us that we're idiots.

I always thought the comedy that would save this country is Grown Ups 2. I thought that would be the one. I thought it would at least unite us. Yeah. It opens up with a deer pissing in Adam Sandler's mouth.

That's hilarious. It also ends with a deer pissing on somebody. Does it really? Yeah. There's a lot of... There's so many callbacks. It's so well written. I got to watch it.

Ingmar Bergman never did that. I don't want to upset Kelly Jordan by mistaking the two movies, but is it Grown Ups 1 or 2 that has that genius scene where they piss in the pool and it's all blue? The first one. That's one. That changed the game. Two ups the ante an incredible amount.

Rob Schneider sat the movie out because he felt like he should be paid more. So they just replaced him with Nick Swartzen playing his little brother. Perfect. And it changed nothing. It was the same movie. Business as usual.

There's a Brazilian dance fight scene. It's real good. Capoeira? Yeah. Capoeira. Shaq throws Taylor Lautner over a house. Perfect. I mean, that's getting me laughing.

That sounds tight. I'm pretty excited about it. I don't want to spoil the 12th best part of the movie, but that happens. This is a definitive ironclad ranking. We are gathered here not just to talk about grownups, too, in a beautiful HeadGum studio in scenic downtown Los Angeles. There it is. Just a fat pigeon's laziest flight away from Skid Row. Sure, just a

stern finger point away. Yeah, just some hard eye contact. Just right what, just a, what is it? Skid Row is what that is. Yeah, it's a river of spit away from Sam's Hoff Brow. Yes, it is. Oh, it really is. What movie were we watching where we go, oh, on Training Day?

No, is it Training Day? Fuck, we watched so many movies. Oh, no, Jackie Brown, Samuel L. Jackson, when they're waiting for the whole thing to happen at the mall, the Del Amo Fashion Center, Samuel L. Jackson goes and hangs out at Sam's Hoff Brow. I drove past it once, and I was like, oh, cool, Bratwurst place. And I was like, oh, I Googled it.

I'm like, oh, there's not Bratwurst there. Oh, is that the dollar store that he goes to it's the it's the strip club sure yeah sam's hofbrau yeah all right which is exactly where if samuel jackson from that movie were a real person uh-huh with the straight hair yeah that's the straight red hair yeah it looks terrifying dude and that braided like scott that scott ian braided fucking goatee that he's got he looks buck in that movie there was a dude named ian whose sister sarah coy listens to this podcast he might too but he used to tell me that scott ian's name was scott ian and this was before the internet could really decide this kind of thing for you.

So he and I, because he went by Ian, I went by Ian. It was a big, the guitarist from Anthrax, it was a big matter of debate for the two of us. Scott Ian. I bet that was the scuttlebutt around Beaverton. Absolutely. Who was right. It shut the entire city.

Yeah, absolutely. Intel stopped making processors. Nike stopped making processors. Nike, stop making sneakers. We're gathered here to draft a topic that if one of you suggested, thank you, but we could not remember how to trace it.

Yeah, I try, but sometimes it just... When you're writing those things down on Twitter and you put the at and I just fuck it up sometimes. Look, we make a podcast every week for you. It's free. We're competing in the America's Cup, the preeminent sailing competition in the world. Look, we make a podcast every week for you. It's free. We're competing in the America's Cup, the preeminent sailing competition in the world.

I just told you a lot of stuff about Vegas and the Louvre. We're busy, all right? So we don't have time to keep track of it all. If it was your idea, tweet at us and then we'll prop you up for it.

Absolutely. People who look like their names. People whose names fit them perfectly who look like their names. It's so buck, dude. We should get to it. Yeah. We should get to it. We should determine the order of the draft with a

rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. You throw and shoot, so here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, everyone threw scissors. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Sean O'Connor wins! Sean O'Connor's picking that order.

I would like the first pick. Okay. Okay. Well, before you determine, I just want to let you know it is a serpentine draft. Okay. So he'll get like four picks in a row. Well, no, no, no. Sean, if you want to explain a serpentine.

We build our full snake and then the next person builds the snake. Individual snake manufacturing. Sean, you want to explain a serpentine draft? I would love to. I would love to for Zeus Harper over there since he couldn't quite. It's like that Viking ship at the fair. Oh, yeah. It kind of goes up.

It'll stall out for a little bit. And then it kind of comes back down. And then it goes back up. But on the other side, you see, stalls out a little bit, comes down. Then it goes back up. Just kind of rinse, repeat until you have a snake. I can't believe you didn't just use a snake. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round

and you pick first in the second round. True. There we have it. So you were going to tell us the order of the draft? So I'm going to go first. Okay.

Then I'm going to give the only other Sean in the room the second pick. Oh yeah, dude. Ian third. Zach fourth. Zeus goes last.

But then I go first in the second round. Yeah, it is. So eat a dick. How about that? I would eat a dick. If a that? I would eat a dick. If a good chef I trusted prepared it for me. I had a buffalo testicle one time.

I was in Appleton, Wisconsin, and I was doing morning radio just after the testicle festival ladies were in there doing it. And I was like, yeah, of course I'd eat them. And the guy's like, well, good thing we got some for you. How was it prepared? It was like a, if he wouldn't have told me it was a buffalo testicle, I would have thought it was like a deep fried potato. It just tasted fine.

Yeah. And put it in ranch, it was great. Yeah. Listen, I'll eat anything. I give my dog bully sticks. That's just bull penis tendon. Is that what that is? That is, yeah.

It's great. It is good. Yeah, my dog loves it. Yeah, it doesn't have to be any different because it's a testicle or something like that. I mean, a colon would throw me off a bit if I was eating a colon, but it's not like they just fucking serve it to you.

I want to try that haggis. Let's see what that's all about. Oh, yeah. Want to try what? Haggis. I don't know what that is. Paul Haggis. Oh, sure.

You want to try a little bit of Paul? Screenwriter. You want to be in the industry, right? Because he was in Scientology just enough. Just enough. Just enough to get successful. You can just taste it. I'd like to eat that guy.

Taste a whisper of it. Sure. Okay, well, Sean O'Connor, with the first pick, and the people who look like their names, all fantasy, everything draft, you are now on the clock. So I had to do this. I'm so glad I got first pick, because I felt like you'd be taken.

Don't say who I'm going to take. But I'm going to take Benedict Cumberbatch. Oh, perfect! No one looks more like their name. No, fuck! His cheekbones look like they're named Benedict and Cumberbatch. I feel like if a blind person ran their hands over them, it would in braille

say Benedict Cumberbatch on his cheekbones. A sightless person. I'm sorry if blind is... I was a little stuck trying to get some names so I asked a couple people for some inspiration. They all said Benedict Cumberbatch. He was... I mean, everything about him. He's so British, and that's the most British name.

So regal, and his stature. He doesn't look like he was born as much as he's been grown. Yeah, yeah. That is. And that, he was incubated in a tuxedo. Not by Angela Lansbury, but by a woman Angela Lansbury would play very carefully. Just a few

more years, Benedict. And you know, she'd be like spraying him with water out of a metal can. Yeah. Clipping the leaves off, because there were some leaves. She'd have company over for tea. For sure, leaves. They'd be having tea and she'd be like, not so loud. I don't want Benedict to come into a loud environment. No, no.

You'll wake the Cumberbatch. Oh, do you think he was grown in a Cumberbatch? I do. Yeah. Sure. I truly do. His name is a roller coaster that just keeps going up. Because you think Benedict is as good as it gets.

What could be more Benedict Cumberbatch than Benedict? Mother, I can't see the ground. Well, we're going to keep going up, Benedict. Fucking Cumberbatch. Only the British can come up with names that are two words that aren't a thing like that. You know what I mean? Cumberbatch. And you know like that, the name goes back

generations. There was just a man who, he was probably Cucumberpatch, but and then he was very That was his name because like people who were blacksmiths were named Smith? Yeah. And he was embarrassed by it, so he just dropped the Q.

Right. And changed the P to a B. They sold the land, and then the guy opened a haberdasher, and he's like, I don't want to be Ira Cucumberpatch anymore. It's Cumberbatch. It's Cumberbatch bow ties. Cumberbatch anymore. It's Cumberbatch. It's Cumberbatch bow ties.

Because there's nothing less Cumberbatch than Cucumberpatch. What a hasty ass name. Do you think anybody calls him Benny? Benny. I mean, I would never dare. Right. I can't. Benny Cumberbatch. He plays his closest friends.

Yeah. Yeah, they might. Benny. Yeah. Benny. Dicked. At the pub. Maybe. When they're getting a pint. I, they might. Benny. Benny. Dick. At the pub. Maybe.

When they're getting a pint. I would call him Batch. Batch? Batch is cool. Batch seems like he'd be the solo aviator in the Air Force. Hey, Batch. I'd call him Cum. Cumbo.

Cumbo. Cumbo. Oh, yeah. Cumbo. That is his nickname. Big bowl of Cumbo. If it wasn't, it is now. Cumbo. Cumbo. Cumbo. Oh, yeah. Cumbo. That is his nickname. Big bowl of Cumbo. If it wasn't, it is now. Cumbo.

Cumbo. Come on, bro. The British are a bit more blue than we realize. They're calling him Cumbo. They use a different C word for him because it's not bad over there. Right, yeah. It's accepted. Benedict Cumberbatch.

Man, he is a fucking just a white linen sheet of a man isn't he yeah yeah but he's dope like a nice linen i like me some benedict cumberbatch dude yeah good thread count on my man benedict wasn't it right when we first were working on the late late show what was the slumber hatch joke that made its way into the monologue that charlie wrote yeah he wrote a joke about james's assistant who's also who turned into a talented writer. Yeah, he's like a screenwriter. Who we love. He wrote a monologue joke about Benedict Cumberbatch.

His sleeping bag is called a Benedict Slumber Hatch. Of course he turned into a talented screenwriter. That made the monologue. That made the monologue. It was back when there were no rules. That show was the Wild West and nobody was watching. It's a slum batch. We were the part around, you know like when you used to buy a CD and it came with that big cardboard on it?

We were that and the CD was Carpool Karaoke. Hell yeah. we were that and the CD was Carpool Karaoke go sleep in the Benedict Slumber Hatch fuck you Charlie if you're listening we do love you Ben Cumberbatch oh that's probably what they call him that's disappointing Ben Cumberbatch combo for me

combo sounds tough come on bruv go get a pint combo Cumberbatch. Combo for me. Combo sounds tough. Combo. Come on, bruv. Go get a pint, Combo. There's going to be for generations like wispy British actors with high cheekbones who are so mad

he got to play Doctor Strange. You know? Because he's getting to a lot of those parts before anyone else can. Well, yeah. I mean, now he's just

in that universe, too. With no shoulders. Just clocking dollars. Benedict Cumberbatch. Excellent first pick. That dudeing dollars. Benedict Cumberbatch, excellent first pick. That dude looks like fucking Benedict Cumberbatch. Yeah, he does. Sean Jordan, your first pick. First pick is going to be a one Wilford Brimley.

Oh, yeah. Literally, that name sounds like a mustache comb. That's my Wilford Brimley. It sounds like a stew burp. Like someone so full of stew. I went to bed last night. It sounds like a

noise like boiled oatmeal would make. What'd you do to the, you fucking Brimley'd the oatmeal again, didn't you? It sounds like a coffee diarrhea. Black coffee diarrhea. Wait, what? You were about to go to sleep. Yeah, I was just going to sleep and I was trying to think of those names.

I was like, Wilford fucking Brimley. Wilford Brimley. I remember looking at him the first time I saw him. I was like, yeah, Wilford fucking Brimley. Wilford fucking Brimley. And he's looked the same way his entire life. Did you know he was 50 in Cocoon? What?

50? He was younger than Tom Cruise is now in Cocoon. Wow. Where he was playing an elderly man. That's how Wilford Brimley is. That is dope. Just serving him coffee when he was a newborn baby. Oh, yeah.

You could also call Wilford Brimley's like adult diapers. Yeah. I need to get these. His first words, he just looked, he goes, you call this a beef stew? Yeah. That's what you call a beef goddamn stew? This ain't going to get trapped in my beard no way, no how. A dude doesn't have clothes that don't smell like mutton.

Yeah. He definitely uses the word kraut. Absolutely. He's got a hard belly, too. Yeah. You know? One of those like this, like. One of those hard ones.

Like a peanut M&M. Yeah. That's what it is. Like the metal tine on the bottom of his balotai hit it once and it went ting. Those are the bellies, dude. Those where you touch it and you're like, well, there's no give on that belly. He's still alive too, right? Yeah.

Yeah, he's at diabetes for as long as- Well, he calls it live-a-betis. Live-a-betis. As long as we've been alive, he overstands that. I overstand that I have liver babies. Him and Monster Cody Scott. They overstand stuff. Wilford Brimley.

Yeah, Wilford goddamn Brimley. He looks more like a walrus than a walrus. He looks more like Dr. Robotnik than Dr. Robotnik. He does. He looks like Dr. Robotnik's dad. Yeah, the Avengers are old Dr. Robotnik. I'm looking up pictures of young Wilford Brimley, and it is all just shots of him from Cocoon. That is the youngestnik. I'm looking up pictures of young Wilford Brimley, and it is all just shots of him from Cocoon. That is the youngest he's ever been.

That's the young Wilford Brimley. I tried to look it up. My phone screen shattered. It doesn't let you do that. The baby from Who Framed Roger Rabbit is based on him. Wilford Brimley's jowls wrote a screenplay one time. Slapping together. He was laughing at a poker party, and then a screenplay came out.

His jowl wrote the True Grit reboot. I feel like he auditioned for Birth of a Nation. Just because he liked the sound. He likes anything that also sounds like a burp. I'm auditioning for birth. He's never said, you know, I don't know the answer to that question. He's always just answered it, even if he doesn't know. Wilford Brimley.

Wilford Brimley. That's a great one. This is fucking cool. This is good. I was so stoked about this idea. I can't wait to see our teams battle it out. He's going to read them at the end, and I'm just going to laugh. I'll tell you.

Fuck. Okay. Man, those are two such strong opening picks. Yeah, the rest aren't. I was going to pick one that I feel like I could maybe wait until later to pick, but I think I'm going to take it now just so we have a real strong first round. Okay. I'm taking Taraji P. Henson, baby.

She was probably going to be number five for me. Yeah. That is perfect. Taraji P. Henson is a Taraji P. Henson-esque motherfucker. Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, her name is just attitude. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And I think it is the P there. It's the P. If it was just Taraji Henson? Yeah. Not as good. Oh, yeah. Whoa. Jim Henson's daughter?

Yeah. Well, yeah. Taraji P. Henson. P. Henson. She, like, because a lot of people who end up having, like, an initial in their name, it's because there's only so many spots in the Screen Actors Guild, right? Right. But there's not another Taraji Henson.

No, there's not. No, she's like, oh, we're going to have to add a P in there. We'll put the P in there. The way that she kind of plays these roles where she just seems like she's skeptical and she's been through some shit and he's above it all. That's what the P's doing in there. Yeah, dude. No, Taraji P. Henson. Miss Taraji P. Henson.

Get it right. Motherfucker. Yeah. Taraji P. Henson. Not in claws, by the way. I hate to bring that up again. No, not in claws. I deeply apologize for that.

Deep, deep apology. Again, couldn't apologize more about that. You thought Taraji P. Henson. I... Again, couldn't apologize more about that. You thought Taraji P. Henson... Just for a second. David turned it into a little bit more than it was, but I did, because I picked her to be in my heist movie team. From her working claws?

I was just making a joke, but I was like, you know, in fucking claws. Why wouldn't I have her and then everyone's like, she's not in claws. I go, you're right, she's not in claws. She isn go, you're right. She's not in Klaus. She isn't smoking aces. I got that right? There you go. There's a deep cut.

There's a deep cut. Benjamin Button, what's up? Karate Kid reboot? I think the big problem with the one, not to harp on this. Klaus, she doesn't look like Nacy Nash. Not at all.

Not one bit. And that's the big problem. Which might make you less racist. Yeah. I'm not racist at all. Just so we're clear. Oh. There's no less. There's no less than nothing. Which might make you less racist. Yeah. I'm not racist at all. Just so we're clear. Oh. There's no less.

There's no less than nothing. You can't be less than nothing. That's my bad. That's my bad. That's my bad. We can't go negative. That's my bad. Because I just feel like a couple seconds ago, we were talking about how you confused

Niecy Nash and Taraji P. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. right.. I Well, you know, you could say that if you were my best fucking friend in the world. That's something I would expect Shane to say. I was getting you back in a roundabout way. I think it's less racist to confuse the two because they don't look alike at all. Right. Does anyone know what the P stands for, though? Pwyneth.

What, Pwyneth? Pretty good at acting. What does it stand for? Pwyneth Galtrow. So Taraji Pwyneth Galtrow. Pwyneth Galtrow. I think that's what it is. So Taraji Pwyneth Galtrow. Pwyneth Galtrow. It could just be nothing. It could just be a P.

That does stand for anything. Oh, my mom, Susan J. Benner. The J never stood for anything. Yeah. Really? They just threw a J in there. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Oh, I've got it. What is it? Penda. Fuck yeah. Oh, that's pretty dang good. Like panda with an E. Penda.

Penda. Penda. Penda. Penda. It's a perfect name. Yeah. It's a perfect name. it's a perfect name rajee p handsome baby it's fun to say yeah it is yeah and when you say it the way you are saying it i'm just picturing her you know exactly who it is if you never knew taraji p henson and i was like you know who should play this like uh take no shit sort of like going through a divorce

you know I did it myself still on top of a shit sure I can handle it type situation yeah and I said

Taraji P. Hansen you say sign her up there's no milk use water type situation right exactly you better you better pour some water on that

now I know this is gonna come up eventually but like so how many of these names do you think turned them into the person that they were you know like when Wilford Brimley figured out what his name sounded like,

or Taraji P. Anson, where they were like... Chicken or egg situation. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll call back to Connor Oberst, who once wrote the line, fuck my face, fuck my name. They are both brief and false advertisements. Oh, yeah. So I'm going to say, I think... They were going to be who they were no matter what their name was. Who they were, say I think they were going to be

who they were no matter what their name was who they were and I think they were going to own their name no matter what I agree 100% there's nothing

Wilford Brimley could have done you could have named him Jetski Jones and he still would have been out there yeah we'd just be like yeah and Jetski

is like oh it's a better I'll beat you Donald Bettis he burped up a whole Cornish game head and then ate it. Immediately thereafter. And he read me a book out loud while he was doing it.

His blood comes out like cookie-flavored toothpaste. You know, he didn't really do that much. I don't see any cookie toothpaste in the bathroom. I agree. I think the person is who they are, and I don't want to say any other names, but I'm sure we'll get to it. I think when Wilford Brimley learned how to write his name, a mustache grew. That's what happened.

It just popped up. There is probably a Santa Claus, especially if you Googled him, you couldn't find a young picture. It could theoretically be a Santa Claus situation. He was a regular 50-year-old looking man who put on Dockers for the first time.

Pulled them up too high and then turned into Wilford Brimley. Oh, that's tight. I'll say a name right now. Zach Harper. Zeus, baby. It's time for your first and second picks. All right.

I need a clarification on this because I'm going somewhere Yes, okay The devil Beelzebub I thought David was on a broke down bus Turns out he's right here Beelzebub? Beelzebub

I feel like there's only one way Beelzebub could have looked It's red ass with horns. It's always up to Ian. No, I mean, yeah, I'll put it up to you guys. I'm cool with Beelzebub. I'm cool with it. Yeah, I will allow it.

The whole thing is playing jazz. A goatman? A red goatman? A goatman, yeah. What do you mean? His name's not Steve? No, it's Beelzebub. Yeah, Beelzebub.

Reservation for two for Beelzebub. Beelzebub. Steve's over there in the dickies in the cardigan. Wilford Brimley went to high school with Beelzebub. Beelzebub. Steve's over there in the dickies in the cardigan. Wilford Brimley went to high school with Beelzebub. If you burped and that was

your Wilford Brimley and you thought you got most of it and then you're like, oh shit, Beelzebub. It's like a second. It's a name derived

from a Philistine god formerly worshipped in Ekron and later adopted by some Abrahamic religions as a major demon. The name Beelzebub is associated with a Canaanite god, Baal. Oh. You know what you should do? You should open up your computer and double check that you're right on that, though. I know.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. You were painting a picture while I was going off topic. Now, I think it's a very good choice. He does sound menacing. My worry, we're going to say it so many times, we accidentally summon him. Oh, yeah.

Uh-oh. And then he's going to want a mic. Like a Bloody Mary situation. He's going to want a mic. And then he's going to be like, well, Saddam Hussein. And we're like, that's racist, Beelzebub. Of course. Yeah.

I'm racist. I'm not one for these times. I'm racist. I'm not one for these times. I invented it. I was in a Rolling Stones song. I don't need you. You guys are being mean. I'm going to go somewhere where there's sympathy for me. Beelzebub was never going to be like an insurance salesman.

He was always going to be the devil. That's true. Once you got named Beelzebub was never going to be like an insurance salesman. He was always going to be the devil. That's true. Once you got named Beelzebub, you had a limited course to go on. He sells you insurance for when you're alive. You know, you have a good life, and then you cash in. Good thing insurance. Yeah. What if someone brings me a birthday cake, you know?

Yeah. I'll give you insurance for that. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't either. You call it good thing insurance? Yeah. Yeah. The opposite.

Yeah. But it is, oh, yeah yeah but it is oh yeah great name it is i mean i like that we've kept that name going yeah yeah yeah i could have fallen by the way we need more ancient god names just in the normal uh nomenclature exactly because when you see them you're like that doesn't make sense to my brain Yeah. And then finding out how to say it is so fun. You're putting a kid through a rough patch if you name them that, though. Beelzebub. They'll probably, well, or like any, I don't want to say any other names. Damien. You know, just name a kid Zeus.

You're fucking, you're doing. Really put Beelzebub through the fire. Yeah. Yeah? No? I like it. No? It's a boy named Susan.

Oh, yeah. Yep. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Beelzebub because I'm like the devil doesn't even mean anything anymore you're the devil

oh shut up yeah it's silly the devil like we've kind of made the devil a silly creation

yeah the devil's out there selling hot sauce and like hot links yeah but if you're like Beelzebub's hot sauce it's like holy shit it's like, holy shit, it's going to turn my dick into fire

ass. But it's still going to work. Hot people who name, not the people who send us hot sauce, because those are some pretty normal people, but a lot of those hot sauce names out there are pretty crazy. Beelzebub, Throat, Fuck, Habanero, 10,000. I literally got dog dick recently.

They show that they have that hot sauce it's just some dude's ass exploding and you're like why don't I don't ever want that to happen I put that on my eggs

is what I'm supposed to do I was on a date y'all want any hot sauce sure yeah it's our guarantee if you use is it the one

where I can go shit my where I can go shit my, where I can go prolapse my rectum in her bathroom? Is it that hot sauce? Because I'd love it. There's just one of a guy in a public bathroom cleaning his boxers. What happened?

Well, my rectum split inside out and detailed my boxers, so I have to clean them both out with a Q-tip. I'd love to get romantic with a woman and be like, hold on, I've got to shit myself. I had some Beelzebub's anus. Baby doll, you saw the hot sauce. Now it's time for round two. This is called Unimaginable Tragedy.

And the cover of it is a man's own skeleton fucking him up the butt on his child's grave. So it's got a kick to it. Don't put too much on your steak. This is Beelzebub's Oh No, Not Again. The gypsy was right. Zagat's time for your second pick. Am I a gypsy?

I'm sorry, I apologize. Of course, I mean the Roma people. There you go. Right. All right, I gotta go to this a little earlier, I think. Some people maybe growing up knew him as

Mark Sinclair That doesn't mean anything to most people But if I say Vin Diesel You are picturing Vin Diesel Yeah, I'm gonna allow Vin Diesel Vincenzo Diesel Yes That dude is

On screen Vin Diesel is fucking Vin Diesel What's your name? Vin Yeah, it is. Sorry, I apologize I should have just looked at you Because on-screen Vin Diesel is fucking Vin Diesel. What's your name? Vin. Yeah, it is. Sorry, I apologize. I should have just looked at you when you were pouring the gas into your gas tank with your bare hands, and I should have known your name was Vin Diesel. When you ripped the pump in half, put it in your mouth, washed it to make it bucker,

and then spit it into the tank. That's some Vin Diesel shit. When you started your motorcycle by pointing at it. I should have known your's some Vin Diesel shit. When you started your motorcycle by pointing at it. I should have known your name was Vin Diesel. That is the world I want to live in. Is that Vin Diesel is a real life The Fonz.

That would be such a fun just a spin off Fast and the Furious if they were like Vin, we have a crazy idea for a script, dude. You're going to get to do all the tightest shit in idea for a script, dude. You're gonna get to do all the tightest shit

in the world on a movie. And you're just gonna be friends with like 15-year-old virgins. Yeah, dude. Vin Diesel for damn sure. He had that, the real part, Mark Sinclair had to invent Vin Diesel.

Had to. To become, what an interesting guy because Vin Diesel's not particularly handsome. He's not like a good actor. Is he handsome? Because he's always wearing. Like, I know we're supposed to be afraid of him and he's buff and everything.

But he's got like realistic muscular arms. Yeah. He has. If you do the work, he has an attainable body. Yeah. As well as Harvey Fierstein's firestein's voice yeah like it really doesn't make sense if we family if we can reboot mrs doubtfire i would love it wow matchmaker matchmaker make me a match you look just like mom you look just like mom

yeah i think i'm trying now i'm just sitting here focused on how handsome I think he is. But yeah, I think Vin Diesel's really handsome. I think so. I think he has a softness about him. Try to not picture him in the under tank top because I know we're not calling a white face. His face and head are smooth. Like there's no there's no sign of hair ever being ever having.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even let it start. When when swept clips scared the hair away. My hair was my friend and I didn't even let it start. Windswept clips. Scared the hair away. My hair was my friend, and I don't have friends. I got family.

Mark Sinclair was a breakdancer. Breakdancer, correct. Okay. So then he was like... Do you think he can still breakdance at this build? Oh, definitely. Really? Pop and lock.

What? Yeah, I'd buy that. I'd buy that for a nickel. Have you seen his fight choreography? That's basically dancing. That's true. And he is very good at it. It's impeccable.

Yeah. He does a lot of capoeira. Capoeira, sure. Capoeira, yeah. Dance fighting. No one else can be Vin Diesel. That is a true fact. Yeah, Vin Diesel is a good-ass name.

What a fucking crazy name. Vin Diesel. All right. Wait a minute. Wait a right. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's time for my second pick. Let's hear it. With my second pick, I'm taking Rhea Perlman.

Dude! That was nowhere near it. That was sick. That is a twist. I didn't see that coming. You fucking genius. Rhea Perlman is a real Perl didn't see that coming. You fucking genius. Rhea Perlman is a real Perlman motherfucker. Your team is so sassy.

Yeah, right? Your team's got their jeans on for damn sure, because it's strong, my friend. It's strong so far. Taraji and Rhea Perlman, you can open up a hot dog restaurant where the waitresses are mean to the people. On purpose, right?

People still line up for that. What the fuck do you want? I just sat down. If anyone's in their car and they can't Google Rio Perlman, she was the bartender on Cheers. Danny DeVito's longtime partner. Oh shit, I shouldn't have said that name. In case anyone...

I don't think Danny DeVito looks that much like a Danny DeVito by the way. Danny's too sexy. Right. It is. If Danny DeVito's name was like Dinky DeVito. Yeah, Dinky DeVito. He'd have been the first pick.

That would have been a tough shake. If his name was Dunge Lunchbox, we'd be like, oh, yeah. The doctor told me he was going to be nine feet tall, so I named him Dinky DeVito. Well, ma'am, the doctor was wrong because it was the 20s when he was born. Doctors didn't know anything. Rhea Perlman. I feel like if your name is Rhea Perlman, you have to have that like, she had the young version of the old lady fro. Yes.

You know, with those real tight curls. The permed mullet. Yeah, the permed mullet. Yeah. That's a Rhea Perlman thing to do. Yeah, she had the same haircut as Lionel Richie. And that is like, oh. That is like, you have to have a level of confidence to pull that off.

And she had that confidence. Dude, yeah, she fucking. She was a mustache away from being in Hall & Oates. Absolutely. Yes. That kind of. And she wore fly shirts on Cheers, too. Yeah.

It was like those pattern button-ups or everything that, oh, what's the guy from Queer Eye? Oh, Tan. Tan. That's what he's putting all the dudes in right now. It's Rhea Perlman's wardrobe. Oh, yeah. If you actually look at Rhea Perlman and Magnum P.I., there's a lot of crossover on their tops. A lot of crossover.

Similar blouses. Sure. It was two doors on either side of the closet but it was the same closet sometimes they touch hands like what are you doing what is that not gonna say that name okay

but yeah yeah that was a that was a she was a basketball coach in Sunset Park of course she was what a great casting

with the same hair her hair never evolved no that's what also like she owns her image yes she has been her the whole time.

Uh-huh. And they seem happy. It's time to get live. It's time to represent Sunset Park. What time is it? Hell yeah. She was on the team.

I really like that movie. She told you to give her that cage and take some cuts, you know, like a softball coach. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'd do it.

Fucking re-upload. Widen my stance. Done, Miss Perlman. Four foot one. Four foot one. Yeah, like a softball coach. Yeah, yeah. I'd do it. Widen my stance. Done, Miss Perlman. 4'1". 4'1". Yeah, just very tiny. I don't know if that's true, but I believe it. Yeah, I believe it. Well, you know, her and Dickie got together. 4'1". Yeah, Dickie DeVito.

Sean Jordan, tell me your second pick. Second pick is going to be a one, James Gandolfini. Oh, yeah. It just looks like a James Gandolfini to me. The Gandolfini's doing the heavy lifting. Yeah, the Gandolfini is a big chunk of it. I would say he looks more like a James Gandolfini if he had a great big white

bushy beard. And a big walking stare. Oh, who's trying to pass? Oh, you're trying to pass? I don't think so, buddy. See, that's where the James part comes in. He had to calm it down a little bit. It evens it out. Italian Gandalf, Gandalfini.

You fucking idiot of a book. Hey. You fucking oof, my love. Hey, I'm walking a moto here. Roto, hey, what's the ring at? What are you doing? Who expect me to get out of my fucking bed? Come save you from these fucking trucks?

I don't think so, buddy. These orcs. I'll give these orcs a slap. All these fucking elves over here, huh? I actually know somebody where the horse kingdom things. So I'm going to talk to them for you. Be all set up. By the bang, it's over.

It's fine. You're good. But he is a perfect Italian man. Yeah. Yeah. He fits the mold for many Italians. And I'm picturing when I think of the James Gandolfini

that I'm picturing is not the Sopranos. It's the true romance, James Gandolfini, where I would look at that dude and I'm like, James Gandolfini. The James is the silk shirt.

And the Gandolfini is the loud breathing while eating. Yes. Yes. Calm. I tell you, calm. Well, that was just a pig that you did. No, he just, like, that laugh, like, a lot of things through your nose.

A lot of different things through your nose, you know? Like on Billions. Yeah. Like how Billions talks. Sean, have you been watching Billions? I have not watched Billions. Harper Billions? I tried, I got uncomfortable with the first scene in the first episode.

Oh, well, yeah. I thought, I'm not in the headspace for this, I gotta come back later. The first scene is, uh, God, oh, I don't want to say his name. Yeah, well, I mean, he's a character, so we can't, right? Well, we can say the character's name. Right. But not the actor. Kevin Billions. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So that's what i'm saying so like if somebody getting peed on if we were oh yeah that's right that's right that we can't say the actor you're right all right yeah okay anyway donald trump

yeah the first time anyone's ever said this fucking name on this show oh no we had a whole episode where one of those, like, John Lovett told everyone that he wasn't going to get elected. People bring it up every now and then.

Oh, that's right. Someone, yeah, yeah. And Jared was on that episode and they were both, oh, there's no way that Trump's going to get elected. Now people go back

and listen to it like it's a horror show. Oh, yeah. I mean, another HeadGum podcast? Yeah. So, boys, they recorded an episode because, boys, they recorded an episode

because, like, they had to, like, one of them was going out of town or something, and they just said Hillary won. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. And then the backtracking

was wonderful. Oh, bummer. Because I'm a proud boy. We're all proud boys in here, yeah. Jesus. Fun night at the Griffith the other night. Oh, fucking pricks.

James Gandolfini. James Gandolfini. Looking like a James Gandolfini. Sean, time for your second and third picks. Okay, my second pick is Peter Dinklage. Oh, yeah. I have been debating myself all day whether or not to pick him. Bristly?

I went back and forth, but yes, Peter Dinklage. I'm not going to go into why I picked his name. It's just a cool name. It's just a great name. It's a cool name that fits everything about him. His name's not Peter Danilich. That's totally different. Peter Danilich.

Peter Danklage. Good for that dude. He's out there fucking crushing it. Great. Great actor. Can do comedy and drama. He's wonderful. He was in an episode of Entourage, so that's all it takes for me. Yeah.

And just so happens to have the word dink in it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm picking him. I'm picking him. He'll get along well with Benedict Cumberbatch. If the name fits. Yeah.

You know, it's awesome. Dinklage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then my next one. Yeah. Just moving on because you know what? You get it. It's an amazing pick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then my next one. Yeah. Just moving on because you know what?

You get it. It's an amazing pick. Yeah. You make the jokes, Reddit. This is an AFE do it at home sort of bonus. Get out your workbook. And my third pick is another one that I've been going back and forth on whether or not it actually works. But I think I found a way for it to work.

Pauly Shore. Because Pauly Shore, the Shore, he's kind of like a beach dude. Right. And Pauly is very annoying. He's an annoying beach dude. You would never call him Paul Shore. Paul Shore. Never.

Never. Paul Shore didn't open his bank account before he was 36. Paul Shore. Pauly keeps it buried in the beach at the shore if you will Paul Shore is a line producer in Son-in-Law Paulie Shore is the star Paulie it's a nickname that's longer than your actual name

yes and like you you don't respect Paulies no if your doctor was named Paulie anything even if his name was Paul and his middle initial was E and he went by that. Yeah. No, I'm out.

Hi, I'm your doctor, Paulie. Here's your free Vicodin. No, thanks, doctor. I don't want it. No, I don't like Vicodin anymore. I don't want it. I don't want to feel great. You're clearly addicted to it, Paulie.

Go get a Paul. Go get an MD Paul to hand that to me, and then I'll take your free Vicodin. Now, the only other problem I have with putting him on my team is I just don't trust the jokes he'll make around Dinklage. Yeah. That's upsetting. He's kind of a hack. But I do like Pauly Shore. I saw all of his movies in theaters growing up.

Yes. And I feel like his name really... No one else could be called Pauly Shore. Leaning Tower of Chisinau. All right. Maybe Paul Walker could have been called Pauly Shore. He could have been Pauly Walker. Pauly Walker. Pauly Shore. Leaning Tower of Chisinau. All right, maybe Paul Walker could have been called Pauly Shore.

He could have been Pauly Walker. Pauly Walker. Pauly McCartney. Pauly. McCartney. Pauly. If he was Pauly

McCartney, they would have never, he would still be living in that house. They'd be the monkeys. They would have just been the monkeys.

Here's the thing though about the jokes that Pauly would make. I think Cumbo's keeping them in line. Oh, yeah.

Cumbo. Cumbo. I Kumbo Kumbo's a natural leader Kumbo would slice him in half with his cheekbones like clay dude man yeah Paulie Shore Paulie Shore

yeah like the biodome in Ceno Man Paulie Shore oh yeah son-in-law even like his character in a goofyofy movie.

Yeah. His name is like someone doing a vert trick on a skateboard. Pauly Shore. That'd be a good... Right? Pauly Kickflip Shore. Pauly Kickflip Matthew Doody. Eat some dinner off it because it's so flat.

Shore on your way down. Christ Air. Pauly Christ Air Shore. Shore. Hi, my name is Pauly Christ Air Shore. Yes, I'd like some pre-bikers. That's my pick. Excellent pick.

Shawnee George? My third pick is going to be one Edgar Allan Poe. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Yes. Because he looks, and I don't know when the last time you guys looked up Edgar Allan Poe. Every day, every morning, right? When I wake up.

Well, you see the framed poster on your wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last time I was in, I believe it was Baltimore, I dug him up. He'd love this! Oh, this isn't what he'd want? Yeah, I hadn't looked him up in quite some time and I thought of the name and I was like, I remember him looking, like, I remember looking at him

and being like, yeah, he looks like Edgar Allan Poe. Yeah, he fucking does. He looks dead, dude. He does, and especially because of the name and I was like, I remember him looking, like when I, I remember looking at him and being like, yeah, he looks like Edgar Allen Poe. Yeah. He fucking does. He looks dead, dude. He really does. And especially because of like how gothic he was, it's rare for people

to have three names unless they were like a serial killer and he gets it, which I think ties back into like this gothic aspect of character. And that's, so this is one of the names

when I was thinking earlier, do they look that way because of the name or do I associate the name with that because it's him? And I'm wondering like, his name was, you know,

something else, but I still think of like a creep. Ed Poe? No, if he's Ed Poe. He's Ed Poe, he's pre-safety

for the Baltimore Ravens. Not the guy who wrote The Raven. And The Ravens, dude, he still lives in Baltimore. He still lives in Baltimore. He still lives in Baltimore. He's been in the league 17 years, 14 teams.

Yeah. University of South Carolina Gamecocks. The only thing Ed Poe and Edgar Allen Poe have in common is they both marry their cousins. Yeah. It's a smart show. See, it's a smart podcast. You tell me if this wasn't your cousin, you wouldn't marry her, dude. You tell me that right now.

You look at me. Let me put my finger on your wrist. You let me tell me right now you wouldn't marry this girl. She's your cousin, bro. He does look like he talks like he is. Does anyone know what he sounded like? He died in 1849. Probably not.

Yeah. All right. Somebody just told me the other day there's a recording of Lincoln. Well, he died in 1964. He's got a real high voice Yeah Have you heard that? No

Hi It's me, President Abraham Lincoln Four score and seven years ago I just signed the Emancipation Proclamation I love live theater Oh golly We're here right before act one starts It's a patient proclamation. I love live theater. Oh, golly.

We're here right before Act 1 starts. I can't wait to continue living after this. That was the recording one. Pumping in some giggle juice in here. Oh, boy. I can't wait to live another 20 or 30 years. It's odd that I have a high voice seeing as I have Marfan syndrome. Oh my gosh.

Edgar Allan Poe. Edgar Allan Poe. It's a great pick. Tiger O Mustache. Yeah. Yeah. And Sunken Eyes. Yeah, real Sunken Eyes. The Sunken Eyes of a Dark Life. Big time alcoholic. I mean, I love it. Yeah. It's not his fault. We have a disease.

Yeah. Is he Irish? Is Edgar Allan Poe, is that an Irish name? He's Edgar Allan Poe. I think he was Scottish. Let me look that up. Of Scottish ancestry. But it does go into his name because Poe Dameron from the Star Wars films, he's cool.

Yeah. That's the connection. He's cool. He's cool. He's a fly boy. He had the jacket. And then you just take a bite of your dinner, wait for your connection. He's cool. He's cool. He's a fly boy. He had the jacket. And then you just take a bite of your dinner, wait for your date to say something else.

That's the end of my statement. I think I put a button on it. I have nothing more to add. Poe Dameron, he's cool. I don't even know why I brought it up. He's the only other Poe I can think of. 30 seconds of silence. I took an ad earlier, too.

Poe Dameron, yeah. 30 seconds of silence, you chew your lamb chop, and you're like, you don't have anything to add to that. Doesn't Nicolas Cage play a character named Poe? Cameron Poe. Drafted last week. Cameron Allen Poe. Yeah. Cameron Allen Poe, dude. And he has a Edgar Allen Poe

vibe to him in that. Yeah, he's an alcoholic. Yeah, alcoholic. Fucked his cousin. So, they are Irish, but he was adopted by a Scotsman. Or something, the Allens. John Allen, a Scotsman. Okay.

Adopted him. Scottish ghost. Yeah, Scottish ghost. When he was a wee bit. He was adopted by a beheaded Scottish ghost. This is four minutes away from being an Adult Swim cartoon. The Adventures of Young Edgar Allen. By a headless Scottish ghost.

Yeah, dude. Time for my third pick. All right. With my third pick, I got to take it. I've only drafted women so far, and it's going to continue, even though I have a list full of men here, because I just got to take. Actually, I'm going to save it,

because I don't think it's going to get picked. I'm going to take a man. Way to a list full of men here, because I just got to take... Actually, I'm going to save it, because I don't think it's going to get picked. I'm going to take a man. Oh, you way to wet my whistle. All right. Yeah. All right. Because I'm taking something that you might pick. Fuck you.

Yeah. I'm taking Tyrese Gibson. Oh! It's the fucking first name on my list. I thought I was safe. Sorry, Marissa, if I blew out the speakers on that. It's the first name I wrote down. Tell me what else that guy could be named.

Dude, have you ever watched the... And this is what I was thinking of, but this video that Monica had called Angel of Mine. Yes. Tyrese walks out of this club. He's got like a leather jacket with a big fur collar on. Yeah. Just looks like a Tyrese Gibson, dude. Tyrese Gibson.

Tyrese ass motherfucking Gibson walking out of this club like, who's that, Monica? I don't really care. If you saw him and I gave you either Tyrese or if I was like, Tyrese what? You'd be like, Gibson. Yeah, Tyrese. And I was like, Blake Gibson. You'd be like, Tyrese. Gibson, Tyrese.

Yeah, dude. Yeah. He, I feel like Tyrese might be the person we've talked about on the show the most. And he's come up probably in more different episodes than anyone. Tyrese is way up there. Him and Shane. Yeah. Shane Torres. Tyrese Gibson. That there. Him and Shane. Shane Torres.

Tyrese Gibson. That's a buddy comedy I would watch. Oh, yeah. And that probably happens in everywhere. Tennessee, Williamsburg. A lot of people talk about it. Black and mild. Black and mild. Yeah, dude. Tyrese Gibson. Y'all couldn't help it, could you?

You went half an episode without making fun of me. Oh, we didn't make fun of him. This is fucking, I would, please put me in a group with Tyree. You? Marissa, I love you, but you? Motherfucker. Yeah, he told us all on Twitter that we could eat shit, and then he goes, I love you, Marissa.

Eat shit. Hey, all fantasy, eat shit. I love you, Marissa. Shane, I want you to know that I'm practicing love for our friendship by slowly injecting a southern accent into my impression of you. Sure, sure. Shane, if you're listening. Shine. Yeah.

Shine. It's working its way in there. Eventually, he's going to be Shine Torres. Shine. Yeah, Tyrese. Tyrese Gibson. And he's just a Tyrese vibe, dude. Yeah.

And I can't think of any other Tyreses. No. No. See, that's what... Remember when he first came up, he was just Tyrese. He was a one-name man. Just Tyrese Vibe, dude. Yeah. And I can't think of any other Tyreases. No. No. See, that's what, remember when he first came up, he was just Tyrese. He was a one-name man. Just Tyrese. And then it worked when he was an actor. Yeah, once he met other actors and found out most of them have two names.

And then he just went, uh, Gibson. It was in the Ludacris, like, shit. They both checked their birth certificate. Ludacris is like, my name is not Ludacris, dude. Yeah, I guess you could call me Chris Bridges Which by the way he will not be coming up on this So right when I wrote down Tyrese I'm like man Ludacris or Chris Bridges

Don't look like Ludacris Not even close Chris Bridges He's the guy you went to high school with Who died in a drunk driving accident I was laughing about that last night yeah they did a nice thing

for Chris at prom yeah here's the Chris Bridge you know it was where he died yeah Tyrese Gibson yeah

that's a fantastic pick Zach it's time for your third and fourth picks as it is alright Zeus I'm gonna go with one Hugh Jackman

oh that is a jacked man I like it hugely hugely jacked man a good part of the name is you think huge jacked man

yeah that's what I think of every time I mean that is maybe the most spot on one so far yeah it really is his name literally

describes him well they didn't name him until he was it's an adjective he didn't have a name until after his first movie and they're like what do you want to call him and his mom's like I don't know he was... It's an adjective. He didn't have a name until after his first movie and they're like, what do you want to call him?

And his mom's like, I don't know, he's a huge jacked man, I guess. All right. Hollywood, put your magic dust on it. It was either that

or surprisingly good voice was going to... Surprisingly good voice and then the other one was small knife hands. Small knife hands. We did a crosswalk for musical in New York

with Zac Efron Zendaya and Hugh Jackman and one of the running jokes in it was James kept calling him Huge Jackman

Oh he did really? Yeah I mean he is he's so ripped like pushing 50 Some crazy thing in one of the X-Men movies

it was something like this like he had to wake up every four hours and eat some chicken. Is what it was. He could only sleep like four hours at a time. Worked out like three hours a day. And there's that scene when he hops out of the tank or whatever when they wake him up and he just

throws the claws out to the side and you can see every fucking vein. Yeah. Vains are highways. Yeah, exactly. Big, thick, hot dog-sized veins running over. And all the cars are just like, well, so much room in here. This blood's gonna be

flying around. It's like driving in Phoenix. It's like, wow, they really had room to spread out. But not every blood cell has a loaded gun in it, so it's just the

small difference. That is the Phoenix difference. I just have a suggestion for when I get to be an X-Man. You can just CGI that. I don't want to do the work. Yeah, right? See, that's why your name isn't Huge Jackman.

He wanted it. He's like, well, no, what do you mean CGI? No, it's H-J-R-M-I. H-J-R-M-I initials. Weird. Handjob. Yeah, no, I get it. Handjob.

Handjob. Hyunjib. Hyunjib. Huge Jackman. Huge Jackman. That'sib. Hingib. Hingib. Huge Jackman. Huge Jackman. That's awesome. It's an amazing pick. Hell yeah.

When you look at how buff he is, you're like, I could eat human. You can look at that meat. You're like, I could see how we could eat that. Yeah, there's no difference between that and just like a jacked all muscle moose or something. Sexy Australian moose. Exactly. Like that truly is like bison meat right there. Yeah.

You could just see it. Like his abs you could eat. Yeah. I bet they're delicious. I'd eat them through his skin. Through the skin, yeah. I'd go to Hugh Jackman roast. Yeah, but like an actual roast.

An actual roast. If I didn't want to deprive the world of an amazing song and dance band. You can tell when I got that because I had a real dumb laugh right there. It took me like four seconds. You laughed like Brendan Fraser in that one clip of him at the Golden Globes. He was like, oh, and he claps and misses his own hand. You laughed like a young Wilford Brimley. That's what that was.

And I even pointed at Sean, too, as to be like, ah. You did it again, Sean. With that rapier keen wit. I get it. A craftsman. Good to watch a craftsman at work. Goddamn writer over there. Zatch Harper. Zeus. This is a tough one.

Are we on four now? Yeah. I don't have, well, I don't want to assign gender to Beelzebub, but I don't think I have any women. I'm going to go with Miss Helen Mirren. Oh, perfect. Helen Mirren. Another star of the Fast and Furious franchise. Almost so Helen Mirren that there's no way to really say anything about it.

You're like, yeah, Helen Mirren. Her name is like a lake in the morning. It's like a velvet lake. Still waters. Cold waters. Just some mist. Helen Mirren. Light mist.

Frogs. Still. Just chilling. Frog shut up. Maybe there's a heron. Frog shut up. I'm thinking specifically of an evening i went on in portland where it was i i don't do coke anymore but i've done coke

before the soda pop the the soda pop sure some of that some of that boy boy and uh i like the what happens there is you you know you chase the night as far as it'll possibly go. Yes, you do. And me and the dude I was hanging out with, we ended up at this house in Lake Oswego, which for the listeners is a suburb of Portland. It's like a rich suburb of Portland. It's for the ballplayers. Because he was like, I know this lawyer who's having a party and a bunch of strippers are going to be there.

When they get off work, they go over there and hang out. It's like a way to keep, you know, because they want to blow off steam. And I'm like, yeah, obviously we've been doing cocaine. That's exactly where I want to go. Exactly. The next location is always worse. Yeah. But you want to go to it more than any location ever.

I'll tell you what. Laco's out there. I want to be there more than my 30th birthday party. It's like, I know a car wash that is off. Yeah. But you could just walk through it. You're like, yeah, no, that sounds amazing. There's a sponge with brandy in it at the

bottom of a dumpster behind the arby's that got that had that salmonella thing yeah you want to go like yeah obviously you got to wring it out like a knife hit you just wring it out with two other sponges in your mouth there's gonna be some girls there uh but we got there and the guy lived on lake oswego and like we went to the house and like it was and then the it dawns on you what you're doing you're like what the fuck did i just, and then it dawns on you what you're doing. You're like, what the fuck did I just get myself into? An $80 Uber is what you got yourself into. This is somebody who's installed into his home a karaoke wall and lights that go off.

You're like, fuck this guy. Fuck this whole night. But looking back, finally, it was probably pretty fun. It was pretty fun. But me and the dude I came with, who was feeling the same vibe, we went. Because he lived on the lake and had such a nice, quiet little walk. Oh, that pretty fun. Me and the dude I came with who was feeling the same vibe, we went, because he lived on the lake and had such a nice, quiet little walk around the lake. And I'm like, oh, okay.

That's what you really want to be doing. Helen Mirren. That lake. Yeah, you know how like... That was like the apple butter story. How it's described what Nirvana is. Yes. Helen Mirren is right before that. Yes, right before that.

You can either go full on or just go back to your life. Yeah. Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren. There's a lot of coming back from it, but it's great. Sure.

I love it. Yeah? Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren, yeah. Yeah, thrilled about it. Terry Beelzebub in the same draft. Fourth pick, Helen Mirren and Beelzebub. I don't play.

Helen Mirren is Beelzebub. Shit. There's so many good man i got some i wanted to make a couple weird moves on the on these other ones but you guys are being this is too good i don't want to um i don't want to start chomping off all right i'm going to take what i was going to take in the third round but i'm going to take it now okay uh so you're not even going to let me get to it what oh no it's tyrese Yeah. Sorry. I don't think you're going to try to take this one. Bjork.

I was. Yes. There you go. That is exactly. That's the most perfect one so far. One hundred percent. Bjork. Yeah. It's.

Dude. That's her real name, too. It's her real name. Yeah. If you. It wouldn't surprise you if you've never heard her music. If the music was just going Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork, Bjork. You'd be like, yep, that's Bjork.

That's fucking Bjork, right? I remember the first, the way I got into Bjork was that song, It's Oh So Quiet, which is like a big swing song, you know? And you're like, oh, this is fucking awesome. It's incredible, yeah. You fall in love with me. And then you listen to any other Bjork song, and you're like, oh my god, am I in the middle of a heroin nightmare right now? What's going on?

Is Post the album? Post is her album, right? Or is that one of the songs I'm thinking of? I don't know, man. Well, I don't know. We've exhausted my Bjork knowledge, so I don't know. I think Post is the album with Army of Me. No, you know that Army of Me song. And Swan

Dress. I know you know that other song that, man, I'm gonna, man. And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me. Sounds a lot different when Bjork sings it. Yeah. Nobody knows that song? No. Well, it's fucking dope, dude. Marissa,

do you know that song? No. Did you think Bjork was here since you can't see me through the computer? Did you think that was Bjork? Do. Nobody knows that song? No. Well, it's fucking dope, dude. Marissa, do you know that song? No. Did you think Bjork was here since you can't see me through the computer? Did you think that was Bjork? Did you think Icelandic pop Shantus Bjork might have been here? Or did you think it was me? Yeah, it was Bjork, you're right. I'm looking at her last name right now, I have no idea how to pronounce it.

Is there a lot of those two dots in it? It's Jormund's daughter. Jormund's daughter. But just Bjork, she's a tiny little woodland elf creature that could never have a name that any of us had heard before. It's Bjork, and then there's just O's that have I's, and D's are sticking their tongues out. K's that are tipping a hat. D's are sticking their tongues out.

There's the peace emoji in there. Yeah, they put bunny ears on all the A's. It's rotating and on fire like when people first started building websites. Bjork, dude. Yeah, like who else could be called Bjork? No one in this room. No one we've ever met could be called Bjork. Maybe Bill Skarsgård.

And I only felt comfortable saying that because he doesn't look like a Bill anything. He doesn't. No. Bill. Is he the dad? Is he the older one? That's Bill Skarsgård. No, that's Peter Skarsgård. No, that's Peter. Bill is it. Yeah. Oh, okay. Because like when you see, like Bill, he's menacing

looking. He does look menacing, no matter in costume or not. And, like, when you think of Bill, I feel like everyone who works at Home Depot's name is Bill. They're all Bill. They're all Bill. Men, women. Yeah. Everyone is a Bill. Bill.

Billy, like a B-I-L-L-I-E. So, yeah, he would have to have a, he has to look like something. If his name was Bjork Skarsgård. Yeah, that's pretty good. He might have like something. If his name was Bjork Skarsgård. Yeah, that's pretty good. He might have been a first-round pick. Bjork Skarsgård? Yeah. He would have changed the world.

Bjork Skarsgård? Yeah, so I take Bjork, which is somehow one syllable. That's crazy. It is. Bjork. Bjork Skarsgård, though, does sound like a desk you'd buy at Ikea. And you're going to, so where would you like the Bjorks Garsguard delivered? To my Fionn Piorj.

If you said that, they would start laughing so hard. Bring it up to my Fionn Piorj. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Number four is going to be Forrest Whitaker. Oh! I don't know if I agree. Oh, really?

I think that's way more like a ghost dog. He definitely does. Forrest, I don't... Listen, we don't have to agree on all of them. I love you so much. You're my best friend. Well, this is what's fun about it. You don't have to agree.

When I think of Forrest Whitaker, I would think maybe somebody who looks like a little bit like Benedict Cumberbatch. Not me. I get, honestly,

I just get Forrest Whitaker. I get the voice. Yeah. I just get, I get that vibe. And it's from movies like Ghost Dog and from movies like,

was it Rogue One? Yeah. Where he was real Forrest Whitaker in that too. I think the eye does kind of give you like a wooden sage. Yeah, that does help me.

And the older he's getting, like now that he's getting gray and everything, I'm just, yeah, I get a real Forest Whitaker-ass vibe from him. Maybe my brain is broken in a particular way. But when I hear Forest Whitaker, it's up here on the high keys. Yeah, you're thinking more like Spritely. And when I think of Forest Whitaker, the man, I'm thinking down here on the lower keys. That's what I get with Forrest Whitaker. I get deep.

I get knowledgeable. I get wise. Especially the Whitaker part. I find Whitaker to be a very deep, profound person. Yeah, that's what I'm, you're thinking

Bloodsport Forrest Whitaker. I'm thinking Stump, his name should be like Stump Lumberkins. You think that's what Forrest Whitaker's name should be? Stump Lumberkins? Stump Lumberkins. Dude, you's what Forrest Whitaker's name should be? Yeah. Stump Lumberkins.

Stump Lumberkins. Dude, you think of the dopest ones of those. Gulch. Fart Barfknuckle. Fart Barfknuckle. A while back, we were talking about what people would have made fun of Art Garfunkel for if he was in high school, and Ian said Fart Barfknuckle, and it was just really funny. Oh, that, I mean, that's perfect.

Yeah, anyway, Forrest Whitaker, I think, just has a heavy Forrest Whitaker vibe to me. Yeah, that, I mean, that's perfect. Yeah, anyway, Forest Whitaker, I think, just has a heavy Forest Whitaker vibe to me. Yeah, he really does. Seems wise, and, you know, I don't want to reprieve myself, I just, yeah. Forest Whitaker. Well, it's funny you should mention Art Garfunkel, because he's literally my next...

Yeah, take it! I'm sorry, I'm bad, I didn't mean to do that. No, no, no, it's really okay. Okay. It was a good segue. Nice. Yeah, I'm picking Art Garfunkel didn't mean to do that no no no it's really okay it was a good segue yeah I'm picking Art Garfunkel he's perfect I thought I would too no one else can be Art Garfunkel like Art he creates art

Garfunkel his head looks like a Garfunkel his head looks like a what's a Garfunkel look at the picture of Art Garfunkel he has a white he has like a white blonde fro a Garfunkel? Look at the picture of Art Garfunkel. He has a white, he has like a white blonde fro. Yeah. A Garfunkel.

Yeah. It's not get funky. It's not get funky. It's Garfunkel. Like if you went in and told a stylist to give you a Garfunkel, they'd be like, say no more, please. We know exactly what you've got. Would you like a beer or two? Because you don't need to say anything for the rest of this haircut.

We're just going to give you the Garfunkel is how it's going to go. Yeah. I mean, like, I try to think of if anyone else could look like Art Garfunkel. And it's an impossibility. Garfunkel. It's both old and new. It's Jewish Garfield. Garfunkel.

That's what's on top of his head. Yeah. Yeah. He hates Mondays and, uh, I mean, Paul Simon. Paul Simon.

He loves Paul Simon. He writes, he crosses out every Monday on his calendar and puts Paul Simon just so he doesn't get bummed out. You know? Yeah.

The audacity to have and keep that hair. Dude. It's real wild. Some serious confidence. Just like wispy. Uh-huh. A wispy blonde afro.

It's great. It's just like he never had to buyispy. Uh-huh. A wispy blonde afro. It's great. It's just like he never had to buy a pillow. No. He's the most comfortable person on flights. How did he ever have sex? He had so much sex. Oh, yeah. Girls were laying down with Art Garfunkel.

Good for him. No, there's no hate or judgment. It's just wild. Yeah. Back in the free spirit days. The dandelion of a man this is my fifth yeah yeah who do i have peter dang uh better to cover about peter dinklage polly shore art garfunkel oh that's right oh yeah this is did i i forgot about that yes i definitely need

a woman yeah i'm picking queen latifah. Yeah. You, anyone listening to this podcast right now, try to change your name to Queen Latifah. You will not be able to pull it off. No way. We were, she brought up entourage twice. She just saw her in entourage today. Today. Queen Lott. She was in late entourage.

With dark vins. Yeah. Oh, dark vins. Dark vins. When I was 17 years old, my friend from high school dealt her pot. We went to her house and smoked it with her. Get the fuck out of town. And the entire time I was like, you are a queen.

That's awesome. Yeah, dude. She's the most powerful person in the movie Juice. Yeah. She's like the career maker in Juice. She's great. And she does it all. She was a very good rapper.

And she's a great actress. She's an Oscar winner. I feel like she'd look at me askance if I happened upon her. And I great and she does it all. She was a very good rapper and she's a great actress. She's an Oscar winner. I feel like she'd look at me askance if I happened upon her and I appreciate someone who does that. She wouldn't even announce it by bullshit. She'd be nice to me because she's Queen Latifah. She wouldn't write you off but she'd be like, listen, we're going to cut through that real quick.

It takes a certain type of confidence to change your name to Queen. And she did it. And it's wonderful. And to Latifah, by the way. Her name's Dana Elaine Owens. Yeah. She don't have that name? Dana Owens works at a DMV.

Queen Latifah. Has never been to the DMV. Dana Owens is a junior attorney. Yeah. Man. Oh, shit. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Her dad's name was Lancelot Owens Sr. What? shit. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Her dad's name was Lancelot Owen Sr. What? Sure. Yeah. I don't need to see a picture. I bet you he matches up with his name perfectly.

We could have picked Lancelot Owen Sr. for sure. There might not even be a junior. That's just like the kind of man who has a daughter who's a Queen Latifah is the kind of man who's a senior without a junior. The kind of man who has a daughter who's a Queen Latifah is the kind of man who's a senior without a junior. Lancelot Owens. Do you think that's where she got the inspiration for queen from the royalty in his name? From the Lancelot. Yeah.

Maybe. That's got to be it. Yeah. And then Latifah means delicate and very kind in Arabic. That's what I think of when I think of. That's why she's nice to you. You know all that bullshit. UNITY. Right.

It doesn't get more kind than unity. I used to have a boss at a call center that would walk around singing that. James. James would walk around and be like, UNITY. She played power forward on our high school basketball team. She started beatboxing for the Ladies Fresh Hip Hop group. Damn. She beefed with

Michael Rappaport. Or no, she beefed with Sean Kemp in the Rockin' Jock MTV basketball game. Man, that's a cut right there. I love Queen Latifah. Yeah. I love Sean Kemp. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Now you two are beefing.

Okay. A weird sort of couch Rockin' Jock situation. Everybody, it's the two genders. Everybody. Yeah. So that's my team. situation everybody it's the two genders everybody yeah so that's my team art garfunkel queen ladiva bolly shore benedict cumberbatch and peter dick absolutely people have never met each other at all they were probably all at like a t-mobile party one time grace of the caa's emmy

party have they ever been in the same room uh Sean Jordan, time for your final pick. Final pick is going to be Morris Chestnut. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Morris Chestnut looks like a Morris Chestnut. Sure. He's fucking perfect looking. Absolutely.

Anything he does, he can be Morris Chestnut. He has a goatee. I hate goatees. And he looks amazing with a goatee. We were watching Training Day. Right before we watched Jaws. Right before we had a little day yesterday. And you have to go so far watching Training Day. Right before we watched Jaws. Right before we had a little day yesterday. And you have to go so far into Training Day before you get to a guy with a speaking role who doesn't have a goatee.

It's like a half hour in. Everyone's got a goatee. It's crazy how far in you go. And they look pretty good. Ethan Hawke wakes up, full goatee. He meets Denzel for breakfast, full goatee. They go to, what's his face's house? Roger. They go to meet Roger.

Roger's house, goatee. Bathrobe, goatee. They go to what's-his-face's house. Roger. They go to meet Roger. Goatee. Bathrobe, goatee. Jeans on, bathrobe. It is. That's the real lesson of training. It's a risky life having a full goatee like that. By the way, Morris Chesson is also one of the rare people that whatever role he gets cast in, the character has a way worse name than him. Yeah, it's hard to beat Morris Chestnut.

He should just be credited as himself. It's him and Bokeem Woodbine. Those are the only two where you can't really... If Morris Chestnut didn't get taken, I may have taken Bokeem Woodbine. But I feel like... I mean... No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gotta spread it out a little bit. No. Morris Chestnut was like I wanted it. That was what I wanted to pick first, but you guys would have given me shit like nobody was going to pick it. Yeah. No, we would have let you get away with Morris Chestnut first round, I think. It's a great name.

It's first round talent. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's no Brimley, but you know. No. It's no Beazle Bob. So, yeah. What do you got, Playboy?

Morris Chestnut's out here tweeting about Kobe. Cool, is he? All right, yeah. Man, Morris Chestnut. What's he doing late? Oh, the Best Man you got, Playboy? Morse Chestnut's out here tweeting about Kobe. Cool, is he? All right, yeah. Man, Morse Chestnut. What's he doing late? Oh, the Best Man Holiday movies, I guess? Yeah, dude, he's always the man, the dude in something. Yeah, he's kind of played the same age for the last 30 years.

Yeah, since he was Ricky. He was supposed to be in high school in Boys in the Hood? You're like, nah, dog. That was like a gorgeous 30-year-old. Yeah, I mean, like truly like he gets to play whatever they feel like. He was on a Fox show that was like, he was like a tropical cop. That should have been the name of the show. Yeah, Tropical Cop.

That's still going on right now. You know his exact character name. If I saw a poster that said Tropical Cop starring Morris Chestnut, I'd be in the theater. Morris Chestnut and Dax Shepard. Just those two. Okay, so he played a character named Track Anchor. Oh no, that's... What?

Ian, put your shirt on and tell everybody what you meant. Sorry, I wasn't his name. He was the anchor on a track relay team. I'm sorry, I thought his name was Track Anchor for a second. That's a dope name, though. Oh boy, I was the one name that would have been good enough was Track Anchor for a second. That's a dope name, though. Oh, boy. That was the one name that would have been good enough. Track Anchor.

All right. We'll keep it moving on. Sounds like a gnarly jock. Track Anchor. I'm an idiot. No. No, I'm pretty smart. It's time for my final pick.

All right, let's hear it. Dom DeLuise. Oh, my God. See, where he said Gandolfini, Dom DeLuise gives you the full. That's the full experience. Yeah, you're eating pasta made by a grandma. You're meeting the Pope. You're meeting.

It has everything Italy has to offer in one name. You're trying to cure your gout with red wine. That's Dom DeLuise. Dom DeLuise started a movie called Fatso. Yeah. Where he just couldn't stop eating Italian food. That's the plot. Dom DeLuise sounds like James Gandolfini eating all the time.

Yeah. In a hot tub at the most chill he's ever been. Yeah. I mean, Dom DeLuise puts red sauce on his words. Yeah. Just on a book, but I can't read it very well without red sauce on it. Dom DeLuise has a picture of the Pope he brings into every room with him. And just sets it up like, I noticed there wasn't a picture of the Pope in here.

Dom DeLuise. Anyway, now I'm going to go to the bathroom. Sausage. Zach Harper at Talk Hoops. It's time for your final pick you gonna pick God now well he's on the list

I'm gonna I'm gonna go with this is kind of a a deep sports cut okay if you google I hope it's the one I was gonna pick

one Floyd Womack oh better known as Pork Chop Womack oh yes known as Porkchop Womack. Oh, yes. This dude looks like a giant porkchop. Floyd Womack. Porkchop Womack couldn't look more like a porkchop.

You try to call that guy ribeye. No. Porkchop. Porkchop Womack. No, I'm in. Damn, that dude's buck. Yeah. No, this guy, he's a pork chop.

Yeah, he's a big time pork chop. Everybody keep driving, but look him up. Right. Pullover. It's actually part of your insurance coverage. If you get in a wreck looking up pork chop Womack. It's the pork chop class. Yeah.

Damn. Floyd Womack. That's a dope name. Floyd Womack is awesome. Yeah, Floyd Womack. That's a great one, too.ack Floyd Womack Great ass name That could also be Cat Williams name though

Sure Might be Porkchop Womack Porkchop Womack What's your name What isn't my name You know what I mean Porkchop Womack

Back up Porkchop Yeah Floyd Womack That could be something Like your dad He's coming over Your dad's friend Floyd Womack

Is coming over Yeah Porkchop He just got out of county He's only in county for like two weeks. Yeah. Porkchop was born 325 pounds. Yeah.

Just straight out of the womb. And he gave himself that nickname. Floyd. Uh-uh. He came out a three-star recruit with letters from Alabama out of the womb. Went to Mississippi State, though. Proper ledger. Proper.

Bruv. Porkchop Womack. Excellent pick.. Proper ledger. Proper. Bruv. Porkchop Womack. Excellent pick. That wraps it up. Yeah. Those are the picks. We left some. First, let's do the recap.

Sean O'Connor, you let us off, and you went Benedict Cumberbatch, Peter Dinklage, Pauly Shore, Art Garfunkel, and Queen Latifah. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, all those people look like their names. Queen Latifah is the elite fucking... She's running the show. I would see that Ocean's 5. Sean Jordan, you went Wilford Brimley,

James Gandolfini, Edgar Allan Poe, Forrest Whitaker, and Morris Chestnut. I went Taraji P. Henson, Rhea Perlman, Tyrese Gibson, Bjork, and Dom DeLuise.

Man, I'm going to that. Whatever that is. Whatever that is. It could be a dinner party. It could be a rest stop situation. Like, truly, I think we all have solid Ds. We do.

These are like some pretty fun people. And Zach, you have Beelzebub, Vin Diesel, Hugh Jackman, which might be the MVP, Helen Mirren, and Floyd Porkchop Womack. Oh, yeah.

We left some good ones on the board. Milos Tia Dosic was the one that I was- Oh, shit. Milos Tia Dosic. He couldn't look more like a Milos. There's no way. Bruce Valanche. Oh, yes. Oh, my God.

Bruce Valanche. When you hear the siren, it's a Bruce Valanche. Gwyneth Paltrow. Oh, shit. The Edge. Oh, The Edge. Gene Hackman. Oh, the Hackman, dude.

Yeah. Arnold Schwarzenegger was mine. A little pedestrian. Steven Seagal was another one. I think Jodie Foster looks like a Jodie Foster. Channing Tatum. Oh, yeah. Nate Dogg's real name, Nathaniel Dwayne Hale.

Oh. Nate Dogg's real name. Nathaniel Hale. I don't know if I can get away with this. Andre the Giant. What's his real last name? Something French, right? Rousmanov. Oh, yeah. Riel Hale. I don't know if I can get away with this. Andre the Giant. What's his real last name? Something French, right? Rousmanov.

Oh, yeah, Rousmanov. Le Giant. Dennis Eckersley. Oh, Dennis the Eck. Oh, Eck is perfect. John Candy. Sterling K. Brown. Yeah.

And I thought Tina Turner. Tina Turner. Yeah. Oprah Winfrey. Halle Berry was one for me. Celine Dion. Sure Dion Ben Kingsley sure Mick Jagger

Mick Jagger Mick Jagger hell yeah tune in next time for people who don't look like their names let me I wanna

there's just one one little shout out a little shout out Dwayne Johnson Jeff the Bachelor his nickname was Jeff number two

when he was a kid and him and his boy are hiking a trail from Georgia to Maine the Appalachian Trail you fools this will come out like I think right

when they get to Maine so really congratulations on the wedding man have fun oh that's his bachelor party he's hiking from Georgia to Maine him and his boy which fucking

you know that's what we're gonna do when one of us gets married yeah absolutely sure anyway yeah shout out to everyone to Maine. Him and his boy. Damn. That's what we're going to do when one of us gets married. Yeah, absolutely. Sure. Anyway, yeah. I just wanted to say that. Yeah, shout out to everyone who listened. Make sure you send us your pics. We love seeing them. Sure.

At All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. Right? Yeah. At All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Email, send them in. DM on Twitter. We're going to do a mailbag soon. Yeah, I want to do one. Shout out to everyone on Twitter, Instagram. Shout out to the sub a mailbag soon yeah yeah I wanna do one shout out to everyone on Twitter Instagram

shout out to the subreddit Frankie Ocean shout out to Frankie Ocean shout out to Sid the Dude shout out to Super Producer Marissa and the entire Great White North shout out to Sid the Dude

shout out to Speakerboxdude that old album shout out to The Love Below yeah dude yeah shout out to Rollerskate Keys shout out to fucking all y'all

Rollerskate Keys yeah I don't know I'm just trying to think of random items sure shout out to Deeper Skate Keys. Shout out to fucking all y'all. Roller Skate Keys. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just trying to think of random items. Sure. Shout out to Deep V's and White T's. There it is. Yeah. Swing and thanks.

When people used to call perms permanents. Shout out to that. Shout out to a permanent. My mom used to, I'm going to go get a permanent. Okay, mom. I knew what a perm was. Shout out to David Borey is waiting outside right now. Shout out to David Borey was on a broke down bus.

Shout out to the broke down bus that David got on at 9 o'clock this morning. Shout out to the story he's going to have about it, too. More important than all of that. Tune in again next week for another brand new episode, wait a minute, of All Fantasy Everything.

Marissa, get on one of these mics and give us a shaklakity. They're on their way. Shaklakity! Yeah! Yeah! shaklackity yeah that was a hate gum podcast