All Fantasy Everything - People You Wish Were Your Uncle (w/ Sean O'Connor, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: April 2, 2020

Hey there all family! We hope you're navigating the quarantine situation well ;) The tough times continue, but that ain't gonna stop the good vibes gang from trying to lift your spirits! We imagine that most of you have been contacting family and friends in this time, so what better to draft than "People You Would Want To Be Your Uncle!" We are joined by the hilarious Sean O'Connor as we make our own crazy family trees! Stay safe out there, fam! Episode Guests:Sean O'Connor @seanoconnz IG: @seanoconnzSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch:T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is entering day two of just being indoors and recording and got so drunk last night that it may have barfed a little bit. May have just barfed a little. It might have been the red wine. It might have been the red wine. Or it might have been the red wine it might have been the red wine or it might have been the red wine you got drunk on red wine yeah dude we were drinking scotch and then for some reason some red wine came out that is i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't try the wine we had like real good scotch even pulled out the good stuff yeah yeah and um it was tight

but yeah i think the wine red wine do you think it like, I'm doing good shit. Let's just. I feel. Yeah, it was like. Yeah, we're having a night where it's like this sucks, but it doesn't because you're with your best friends. Yeah, I was stoked because like me, you and Shane and it took me back to like when we started because it started with the three of us when like 10 years ago. Yeah.

Sitting in your apartment. And that's what we did last night. We just sat, watched movies. And we watched True Grit, the new the new one man that movie's funny dude it's so funny funny the dialogue is just and it's a great red wine movie it goes well with scotch and red wine and then did you get passionate red wine makes me passionate oh yeah yeah yeah wasn't getting passionate. Yeah. I was walking around in a tank top.

I was, I knew it. I fucking knew it. The shirt came off. That's what red wine does. Yeah. Me too, man.

Shane kept doing the, all right, one more. It sounds like someone's making a beat back there. Yeah. Uh, Shane was like, all right,

one more. And then I got to go. And then I just go over. I'm like, let me help you out, bud. And I just pour a little more in there. Cup got thick.

Then we watched a couple of pizzas yesterday. Then we watched yesterday. Oof. Oof. I liked it. You liked it? Yeah. You know what?

You're too positive. The songs are so pretty. The songs are so pretty. The songs are great. I didn't like it on a plane. That's how much I didn't like it. Well, yeah,

I don't know. I thought it was fun. You liked it? Yeah, I didn't mind it. I was glad I was drunk. Yeah. Well, that's where the passion came from. You love the Beatles.

I love the Beatles. But what would you like more? Looking at an empty screen and listening to the Beatles? I would like that more. Absolutely. Never mind just an actor poorly playing Beatles songs. He did not do a good job at acting in that movie.

He was not a good actor in it. Good singer. He was a pretty good singer. And I let myself kind of take the journey. Compared to the Beatles? Well, I let myself take the journey like, what if? What if you were in an open mic and you saw someone sing Yesterday? Would you think it was as good? Obviously

you wouldn't because you know the John Lennon version. No, I understand. I'm not explaining it. What if? I'd also be alive. That's what I understand. I'm not explaining it. The rigatoni boys. What if? I don't think they'll be alive. That's what I think. I saw a dude red wine, beer bong, a whole bottle of red wine once.

Oh, God. That makes me want to die. It was pretty terrible. That's Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on the gram. Hey. What do you have to promote? World peace.

Yeah, man. World peace to my ass. Baths. Take a bath. Yeah. Take a bath. That's what we were talking about. You should be a wash your ass comedian from now on. Wouldn't that be a fun term? That's my catch line. You better go wash your ass, boy.

I would donate $2,000 to a GoFundMe to make you a wash your ass comedian. You would have to actually go out. You'd have to get the jokes going, but I too would. Yeah, I'm in for two racks. I got a rack on it for sure. Got five grand already.

You guys spent like a couple years doing this though. You gotta really put in the work. How would one go about becoming a wash your ass comedian? How does one become a champion? They're born, not made. Well, yeah, one, a wash your ass comedian would not ask that question. You're already kind of blowing it.

Ask me how you become a wash your ass comedian. Ian, how do you become a wash your ass comedian? Boy, you better wash your ass. I just started saying shit like, boy, you better wash out. Let me check my wash. Oh, it's about dirty 30. Wash your ass. Told me it's a venti, not a large.

Wash your ass. Man, you better go wash your ass with that shit. It's like, you know how Richard Pryor's comedy changed when he went to Berkeley? You changed when you became a wash ass. Yeah, man. comedy changed when he went to Berkeley. You changed when you became a wash. It's when George Carlin stopped doing like,

you know, done. Watch out for detox and I'll be a wash your ass comedian. I walked into the living room. He was eating cold ravioli out of a can. Wash your ass. Wash your ass with that. Every fucking time. I know what the living room. He was eating cold ravioli out of a can. Wash your ass. Wash your ass with that. Every fucking time.

I know when it's coming. I know it's coming. I don't care. I love it. Holy shit. Speaking of, I've talked about this on the podcast. Remember how I told you there was that guy from San Francisco who I used to love because he said, you better work after everything? Oh, yes, dude.

I was at the Portland Helium Open, Mike. And this guy was great, right? He would just be like, Sean O'Connor, O'Connor. And he'd say something like implying that you were gay. And then he'd go, you better work. And he said it in a ton of different intonations. And his name was Jesus, you better work. And it knocked me out every time

weren't the fucking helium open Mike guess who's there no way I swear to God David just starts hitting me like pretty hard and I was like what I was beside myself Jesus you better work was there he only said it once though and I fucking had a meltdown

did you go talk to him about this no dude oh man I was sitting next to Sean. I was like hitting him. Because I was like, Sean, it's fucking coming. And he did it once. And he barely did it. He didn't hit it. No sauce on it.

Damn, really? He was just like, you better work. I hate it when comedians lose their confidence. It was, man. It was tight. It was tight. He was really funny. Well, now there's a gap in the market for a You Better Work comedian and a Wash Your Ass comedian.

You know what you got to do? You better wash your ass. Were you about to say you better wash those nuts? That is a new type of comedy. You better scrub those nuts. You better scrub those nuts. See? You better wash those nuts, Z.

Yeah, I had to follow scrub nuts after the air fryer. The air fryer. It was horrible. He crunches. I'll do a scrub nuts show at Flappers. Then you can say stuff like, who here's rocking with scrub nuts? That's how you're set.

You'll sell t-shirts that say, better scrub your nuts. People will buy them. They'll never wear them. Yeah. You go to the Midwest, you'd be surprised at how many people wear those shirts salmon the other pink meat or something it's just insane

and I'd see people like at the mall with that on and you're like what the fuck is wrong with you you're in public you know what is that a pussy joke yeah I like it when you go out and you see somebody wearing a big

Johnson t-shirt now. Hell yeah, that guy has a huge dick. I bet big Johnson t-shirts are expensive now. I bet they're ironic. You know what I mean? I'm going to look right now. I remember, dude, I had the poker up front, liquor in the rear one.

I'd wear it to school. Obviously, the teachers would tell me to change. I'm like, fuck you, dude. Yeah. What do you mean? I can't wear this. It's like I'm going to stare you down while smoking a cigarette. Obviously, you can't wear it. It's also off putting when you see a kid wearing a shirt.

Yeah, I feel like you would have been a really off putting little kid. I had to sneak him to school. My mom certainly wasn't let that ride. No. And I was like, oh, you were sneaking these shirts. Yeah. Contraband. You were like, I've seen that Johnson. Well, I didn't know I had a bunch of this

stuff because I couldn't not a lot, but a couple. Yeah. So you were going to school all buttoned up and then taking it off. It's like wine. I'm dying. I'm 69. It's a solar panel for a sex machine oh my god that's so funny if you just took like five adults and then you like wrote down their childhoods and you had to guess which adult had which childhood it'd be hard for people to pair yours together yeah it really is because you to me like you just seem like you seem like a senator you look like a senator

i well and you're so like thank you you're you're so put together like on the outside and then i was trying to like to be like i sucked deep fermentos and coke i took baths after I had sex. It is a wild tableau of a childhood. It is all over the place. Taking baths, fucking the 13, dude. Just like stealing Charlotte Hornet's jerseys. What the fuck was going on?

I'm telling you, man. Nothing was going on. I think a lot was going on. I think we were just bored. We were bored. We got tired of praying to Slipknot. I felt the air rise up in me. I went out and stole some orders. Yeah, it was it was fun.

I used to have an all yellow cross color suit. Yeah, yellow, like banana yellow shorts down to my ankles. Yellow button up. Just wear that like it was nothing. Also, guys, maybe you'd be surprised maybe you wouldn't big johnson they also sell a lot of gun t-shirts i'll buy that that makes sense this one says mine's bigger than yours but then it's an ar 15 oh man i like the big bang theory one yeah it's just a gun pointing at you here's my big bang no that's what it says. This is my Big Bang Theory.

I want to get that, but it's Zooey Deschanel. That's ridiculous, dude. How much are they? The Big Bang Theory one is $5. Well worth it. They actually own BigJohnson.com, which is

surprising. I bet they got that early. Yeah. I bet they got that real early. This one is about hunting, but it says cocked, locked, and ready to rock. I bet you it's not about hunting. I can't find my wife's cheese box. Clits? They take Apple Pay. I'm getting one right now.

Are you really? Yeah, this one says Big Johnson's Dive Shop. We make it easy for you to go down. Oh, yeah. Guess what? I'm getting one for everybody. How about that? Thank you. I appreciate it. Oh, we're having to fuck out of that. I dive. Yeah, I just worry about wearing a Big Johnson shirt in like

the Me Too era. Yeah. We're just going to wear them around the house. Oh, I know me. I'm going to be wearing that to vaughn during the quarantine that's awesome one hey real happy like real optimistic how you guys doing shelves are empty on your toilet paper at my house i'll tell you. I keep it there on the regular. David, what'd you do the week you got your raise? Well, I bought three Big Johnson shirts.

What if, that's a side effect, the Big Johnson shirts just come back for some reason. What if we bring them back? Good toilet paper. People spend a lot of time indoors. We started thinking about what we missed from society. Big Johnson t-shirts came up. Big Johnson t-shirts come back.

Have we ever talked about how Big Johnson shirts are kind of like the working man's Tommy Bahamas? No, it kind of is. It kind of is. They sell them at the beach. They're a very similar breed of people. It is. Yeah, I love it.

I'm gonna... Let's bring Big Johnson's back. did you ever have any a Big Johnson shirt no I was a Big Dog kid I was a Big Dog kid too Cohen naked was another one yeah Big Dog was like

Big Johnson but like for like everybody else yeah it was Big Johnson Jr. yeah yeah that's what you should've been wearing

instead of a Big Johnson shirt you should've been wearing Big Dogs you think I didn't have Big Dog shit yeah that's true I would've liked to see a snapshot of your closet You think I didn't have big dog shit? Yeah. That's true.

I would have liked to see a snapshot of your closet. You're coming to me with a little too much spice on that. I had a maroon big dog shirt. I remember specifically. Wow. Like a little big dog right here. Motherfucker, you think I wasn't wearing a Barkfeld shirt? Name a brand, dude.

I had it. Stussy, Draga, Zeke Averici, Jabot. Your boy was swimming in it. Dude. What is going on? Young Drip God, dude. I had it. Stussy, Draga, Zeke Evarichi, Jabot. Your boy was swimming in it. What is going on? Young Drip God, dude. I didn't know that other kids wore Big Dog because they were one of the only people who were making big sizes. Husky. Husky. Yeah.

I was forced into a life of Big Dog. You didn't choose the Big Dog. The Big Dog chose you. There was no porch. There was a door and then there was running. I would have loved to have stayed on the porch. I wanted the porch.

Pat Jordan was a big dog fella himself. He was a big dog. I'd never been to like a Ross or a Marshall's and we went to one in Minneapolis. My dad picked up like a FUBU football jersey that was his size and he's like what do you think bud I go dad absolutely not as you were wearing like an Africa pendant

yeah dad what are you doing you're crazy you're dressed like Radio Raheem you scratched your face with your five finger rings love and skate I had a cross colored shirt that was just the continent of Africa Scratch your face with your five finger rings. Love and skate. I had a cross-colored shirt that was just the continent of Africa.

My whole shirt. And I'd wear it to school. That's what I mean about, man, your closet must have looked crazy. I have one that said no justice on the front. No peace on the back. Oh, my God. No justice, no peace. For real? And the O's, if you believe this, peace signs.

Do you have any of this still? I don't. I have, I don't know. I honestly don't know what happened to it. I have my old skate clothes still from when I started. I completely switched who I was in about a week and I haven't changed since then. Since I was like 14, probably when I started skating.

But yeah, before that that it was a it was a mess it was there was a lot listen you were just throwing it to the wall i used to tuck in my sweatshirts boy oh boy zach morris did it yeah my grandpa gave me i remember my grandpa gave me a polo sweatshirt with pockets on it i would tuck it into my jeans and i'd go to taekwondo just like dude i'm fucking i'm styling once for the crazy I'd go to Taekwondo just like, dude, I'm fucking, I'm styling. The crazy thing about that is Taekwondo is the least crazy part of that story.

I love that your mom just let you, she was just like, I guess he'll figure it out. Took a while. He's trying, my little boy's trying. She had her own life to take care of too, you know? And also you were making moves, they were just crazy. But you were making hard cuts. too. And also you were making moves. They were just great. But you were making hard cuts.

That's true. You were making hard cuts. I respect that. I used to have silk shirts. I went through like a silk button up phase. Like Color Me Bad would wear, you know. I would love to be in that phase right now. God, I just want to see like what.

How did, did anybody know how to take you? Like I wasn't the only one doing this shit. With the silk shirts? Well, yeah, I know. Bruno Mars was also doing it. 6,000 miles away on Hawaii. Another young man. Another young up and comer. We hit a fork in the road

and I found skateboarding. As a child. Silk shirts on a little boy is crazy. Do you have any weird hat phases? No, not really. I had a lot of Duke and North Carolina, George, blue hats. I showed Laura the other day. She had a bunch of

bandanas at the crib. I put one on and I go, you want to see how I used to dress sometimes? I put it on, tied it so it was right above my eyes and then I put my hat over it and I was like, I used to just walk around like this. But then also you put a silk sweatshirt on and i put it on tied it so it was like right above my eyes and then i put my hat over it and i was like i used to just walk around like this but then also you put a silk sweatshirt on and you tucked it in a silk sweatshirt every silk shirt is a sweatshirt for me man boy jinkos jinkos oh yeah jinkos zones too yeah jinkos were huge they They were huge and they were huge. They were huge and huge. I relate because when I was like 13, I got super into UFOs. Do you remember those?

Oh, but there was a whole UFO time. There was a bunch. There was a bunch. But like thinking back of like going to school and UFOs, like I was, I dealt X, not even E I'm an X man did you ever want to have one of those specific type of pants you got into wearing these

you're talking about I thought you were talking about unidentified flying those are like the women's ones holy fucking comfortable. I thought you were talking about unidentified flying objects. I thought you were talking about aliens. Those are like the women's ones. Holy fuck. They were rave pants. I'm going to be like a chubby 13-year-old going to my mom and being like, I gotta get

these. And I was fucking wearing. They were so big and they were like, I guess they were like the evolution of parachute pants. But like I cringe thinking about it. I had them four different colors. Oh my, so you had them.

I had them. I was wearing them. That was like my year, like when we did school shopping. Those were the pants for that year. Those were the pants. It's not if Sean will be wearing his UFOs, it's which color he'll be wearing today. They're still open.

I had khaki in case I had to go to court. Oh, that's rad. Oh, no, I was wearing my dress UFOs. In case you guys had company over. Sean, put on your khaki UFOs. UFOs still open and they're still making shit. They make boots. They make their own body lotion.

Oh, wow. Fanny packs. Should we put our money together and buy the whole company? I think we should. I think we could. I think if you order three pairs of pants, they send you an email like, hey, do you just want the whole thing? I can't think of any reason to save any money right now.

Let's do it. I mean, listen, we're going to start wearing UFOs and fucking Big Johnson shirts. This is going to be tight. It's a new dawn. So yeah, I got nothing coming up. Yeah, you got nothing to promote. The G is silent on Twitter.

Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. Big Johnson soon. Big Johnson. Jesus, 40 inch wide leg camo pant. I got to get off this website. You sound like you're getting swayed. I don't know if you're into that or not by the way

you said that. You will never be more comfortable. They were so comfortable. Yeah, because I feel like it's not like wearing pants at all. It was being naked and covering the general area of where your legs were. You know what I always think?

Naked in a tent. Which is always a good sign. Whenever you're naked in a tent, stuff is always going right. You know what I always wondered about those pants? What about the bottoms? Did the bottoms get all crusty? The crusty and the better, man.

Yeah. What are you talking about? They were like designed to like fray. They fray. They get snow and mud on them. You're like, fuck yeah, dude. Look at me.

I remember thinking it was dope. Yeah. Not on UFOs, but like zones and JNCOs and shit. Oh yeah. JNCOs like the tears on the bottom of my skunks. Y'all got JNCO skunks.

Like if you couldn't see your shoes You were doing it right That's my new comedy thing You guys should You guys should get a Skunk nuts tour You better wash your ass with that I don't care if you wash your pants

I remember Had those pants Where it's like If you couldn't see your shoes You were doing it right You're like Yeah I just want people to think I'm jeans walking around.

What a crazy look. I don't think my mom would have let me. Because she like low-key picked my clothes for too long. Yeah. But I was a pretty well-dressed kid as well. I was not. Like gingham? No, no.

I just dressed like cool. Yeah. Oh, really? As a kid, yeah. I had like basketball short sets and stuff. Damn. Don't twist it. I was also dressed. Jab dressed like cool. Yeah. Oh, really? As a kid, yeah. I had like basketball short sets and stuff. Damn. Don't twist it. I was also dressed.

Jaboz were cool. Jaboz, Zeke Barici, Guess, all this shit was cool. I think you were trendy. Yeah, cool. I was an iconoclast. You had short sets? I had short sets. I had a silk short set.

I was a little gentleman until I got too big for it. Then you were wearing shorts and then I was big dog t-shirt, but early on. Woo. Oh, I feel like, I feel like in every picture my mom has of me as a child, I was just dressed as like a little boy sailor.

Yeah. Little boy sailor. I had some of those little overall outfits. Calling you Georgie. nice shoes georgie boy georgie boy uh david what do you have to promote nothing yeah man you know go to fate faded twitch maybe oh yeah faded on twitch was really cool thank you guys who tuned in uh maybe we'll do that i mean i feel like it might get so bad that like you're not gonna be supposed to be having 10 people at your house anymore oh yeah really i don't know man people it wasn't 10

people it's like seven six or seven uh watch my short film the lot on vimeo and then uh you know look out for big dog yeah well watch out for the Big Johnson. Wash your ass. Boy, you better wash your ass with that shit. I've got to stop saying the boy. Is that part of it? It can't just be boy, you better. It's got to be, wash your ass with that shit. It could be anything. You're experimenting right now.

Variety is the spice of life with the wash your ass comedian. They all say that. They all do say that. They do all say it. They say that and they say wash your ass. You They all say that. They all do say that. They do all say it. They say that and they say wash your ass. You got the voice of Comedy Central

and two of the late night's head writers. We'll figure this all out. Mold me, boys. Here's an idea. Maybe you say wash your ass in a car with a celebrity.

I don't know. That's good. Yeah. Comedians in cars washing their ass. Washing their ass. Being the power team that the three of you are, will you buy me a car so I can do this?

I think we can get an Emmy out of this. You, Paul McCartney, washing your ass. In a car. What do you think the last time Paul McCartney washed his ass? Do you think Paul McCartney doesn't wash his legs? No, I'm telling you. It's

weird that I don't think anyone I know washes their legs. White guys don't do it. It's hard to get more white than Paul McCartney. So they get wet and I dry them. That is a version of washing your legs. I am also a team

getting my legs wet, but never washing. I don't want people thinking I'm getting in the shower and team getting my legs wet, but never washing. Me too. I don't want people thinking I'm getting in the shower and not getting my legs wet. That's insane. That doesn't even make any sense. I wash my ass every time, though. You better wash your ass. Why else do you use washcloths, white guys? I fucking hate

washcloths. What? I think they're so gross. Oh, yeah. I learned that, too, at Bridgetown that year. White guys don't use washcloths. Or a loofah. I use a loofah. I use a loofah. Well, I guess I shouldn't. I don't even know if I've ever had a loofah. I've had one and then it just gets gross in the shower and then I throw it away. I was a bar of soap

guy. Yeah, I went for a lunch. Just nude on your raw body? Yeah. Drives you out too much. Yeah, like I was... And when you're washing your ass you don't want to get dried out. See what I see. Like I was being punished by the military. They gave me a bar of soap.

Just dry scrub it. That's how I live my life. Showering for the first. Until I got a wife. She's like, this is disgusting. We don't use lotion either. So we're dry soap.

I do now. I use lotion a lot. I do now too. That's why you're, I mean, now I'm just doing a Bill Burbit, but that's why it cracks. Yeah. I've lived. You don't use lotion. You don't use lotion.

You're raw dogging. I do. But. Well, now I do because I've, I thought like a couple of years ago, I was like, you've, you've had some hard year like you've lived some hard years in the past I was like I just don't want to wake up one day and look like a baseball glove so now I've been using lotion just to try to get in front of it a little bit yeah I don't know if you've had hard years you took a bath till you're 16 the life of a young, salty guy.

You're not like part of the Saudi royal family, but like you're adjacent. You were a prince and then you've just been pretending to be a pauper. I'm trying to find a queen. The bag's in the silk shirts. That's the real you. Laura doesn't know any of this.

About the silk shirts? Please cut out all this stuff about me being assaulted. No, I'm kidding. Don't you dare. Leave it in there, Marissa. It goes a bit about that. I understand that. I was going to bow.

Yes, I am. Oh, you guys are the writers. Shit, I should do what you do. That's right. All right. Damn. Follow. Oh, I've been doing a lot of improv,

so we're kind of in the middle of a yes-andemic. I thought of that last night when I was laying in bed. Oh, yes-andemic. We did a shitload of them yesterday, and I thought of that in bed last night, and I was like, well,, gotta put it in there. That crap, that girl. I don't know. You were here.

I liked it a lot. You better wash your ass, David. Oh, no, I'm just I'm impressed with Sean's evolution as a watch OS comedian. It's really come a long way. I mean, he's there. He's hitting it. I'm so proud. Watch out for detox, man. I'm telling you. I'm getting in there.

Better watch your oil. Sean O'Connor. Is there Sean O'Connor on Instagram? Yeah, Sean O'Connor's on all across platform. Head writer for Late Late with Lilly Singh. A little late. Yeah, a little late with Lilly Singh. A little late with Lilly Singh. And Lights Out with David Spade.

And they're only ones airing new episodes right now. That's right. The show that I have not worked out since December. We taped the whole year. That must have been crazy. It was.

Love Lilly. Love NBC. The worst schedule of No demand that would be i would have been fucking crazy making i don't know how you do it uh i don't know i mean i've never been a writer's room where uh so many writers cried yeah cried yeah it was tough we were working like 9 to 10 p.m every day oh my god trying to do two or three shows the next day. God, that's wild. But you know what? We came through it and

the episodes are still airing. They're airing. That's bananas. Check, watch those. There's a backlog of Lights Out with David Spade. Watch it on YouTube. I think reruns will be airing. Preacher was just on, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was great. He was fucking crazy. Really? Yeah. Amazing. We started with Preacher. Oh, really? In Portland.

He was wonderful on the show. It was awesome to see. Yeah. I like what's going on with Preacher right now. It's fun. The Your Two Dads podcast? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

Definitely listen to that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm debating whether or not to uh do episodes during the coronavirus thing are you yeah i haven't talked to julian about it yeah which but i'm worried about like recording we're doing six this weekend yeah smart like cramming them in yeah you gotta do that go to record we go to record and then we also have to have a dad so asking someone to come to like an unsanitized place.

And they got kids at home. With kids at home is tough. Man, that is tough. All right, I'll do it. Yeah. But we have other episodes. Listen to those. Check those out.

Absolutely. That's a bad luck. And if we're alive in two months, we'll do more. Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah. And then if we're not, that won't even be your biggest problem. No.

It won't be a problem at all. All right. Well. Check that that out anything else to point people towards no but just right now it seems weird to promote this people are stuck inside yes then they're gonna want content because there's gonna be no content

yeah that's what yeah all my fucking hating ass friends are like, you guys are fucked. And I'm like, I think honestly, people are going to really enjoy some content right now because they're not going to. I mean. Yeah, podcasts.

Now it's our time. Yeah. It really is. It's like, it's the only thing that's like kind of day and date. I mean, we're talking about Jankos and shit, but like it is like nothing is going to feel like you're in the moment on television everything is evergreen at this point so you might as well like listen to podcasts yeah

we're gonna keep it current uh you know what i'll do the your doodads podcast over skype there it is i think i honestly think people appreciate however it gets done yeah if it hurts the quality or whatever it still shows that you're doing it and you're willing to work i mean that's you know i I honestly think people appreciate however it gets done. I mean, if it hurts the quality or whatever, it still shows that you're doing it and you're willing to work. I mean, that's, you know. I think it hurts the quality more to go in there and tape it. Because you'd be terrified. Yeah.

My name's Ian Carmel. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram. So good at just pulling it right back. Yeah. Ian Carmel on Jewish Aflac app. I imagine they have an app. Jaflac. Jaflac. Juflac. I'm not going to say that.

Juflac. I got some Juflac on the internet a couple times, you know. You have? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Anti-Semites. From all my secret Twitter accounts. Oh, you're British. Just sitting over there like, dude, I'm going to cook him real quick. Yeah. These guys on Twitter are really pissing me off.

Oh, yeah? One of them just told me to wash my ass. It's weird they know what you're wearing. Wash my Jewish ass. Listen to my album 9.2 on Pitchfork. I don't know why I've started telling people about that again. It's five years old, four years old. it's crazy right how long there yeah i think yeah uh frig what else you can watch old episodes of the late late show james gordon you know check those

out uh-huh check them out on youtube you can watch them on comedy central in the morning have you had to do any ad reads for it yet not yet interesting which is weird when is it going to start i think it started yeah i think it started like as soon as they announced it yeah so there's just no ad reads maybe not maybe this is how can you do some right now maybe we could just give them he loves it when we do this let me get some rune stone the late late show with james corden is brought to you by trojan condoms trojan don't have a baby yeah perfect you're so good at that it's it's a lot of it's a lot of work at the beginning of every one of my episodes of my podcast you you started off see yeah it's amazing it's yeah we always put featuring david boris and people listen. I'm a draw.

Did you say the Late Late Show with James Corden is brought to you by Going Tremendo for New Fettuccine? Yeah. I got to do it under five seconds because it's probably a billboard. The Late Late Show with... Now I'm all nervous. Just focus, Dave. The Late Late Show with James Corden

is brought to you by Tremendo for new fettuccine. Perfect. Perfect. That's tight. They told me the other day, they're like, you're getting so good. And I was like, yeah. Man, that's awesome.

Now after I do them, I go like, I like, blow fake guns. You have to throw your car off outside. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You have to go in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They haven't given you the booth in your house yet. No, they do. But it's like, I just don't do it. I like going in. The security guard's kind of wacky. It's a fun time. Yeah, listen, it makes it feel like work, though. Yeah, it makes me feel like I have a real job. It's a reason to be up at night.

It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a whole morning routine, I do. Plus, then you go tremendo for new fettuccine. Then I go tremendo for new fettuccine. You do. Yeah, you really do. If you can congregate publicly this summer,

we got to get in the water. I agree. I think that sounds great. I think a water war as full adults. Yes. You're better at toys now is the thing. Yes. You get how they operate.

You know how to aim. Yeah. Yeah. You know how to set stuff up to be fun. Yeah. Toys are wasted on children caches i'm gonna have caches hidden amongst oh man sure just like a nerf gun under the table someone comes in and you're just kind of like yeah everything's that's cool you're just kind of sliding your hand

i'm never more than five feet from a bunch of water balloons just holding it like a card game if yeah i'm just gonna say right now i going to make a prediction. If everything goes okay with this quarantine and stuff, Mike Malloy is getting wet this summer. He's getting everywhere. We should just pull up on him sometimes. Just like in the dog park. I was going to say, he's in the dog park.

You know his schedule. I know where he goes. We'll be sitting outside of Idle Hour. He's going to be walking out after a brunch with Liz. It's going to be fucking like the same. We don't get Liz, though. Liz gets a pass. She gets out of the way. If Liz is listening, get in on this.

She's listening. If anyone's listening, get in on this. If you see Mike Malloy with dry clothes, change that. Wet him up. The Shane Torres ponytail bounty is off. The Get Mike Malloy Wet bounty is on. Yeah.

Get Mike Malloy Wet bounty. All that energy that you put into sending Shane Torres sampler patterns, which is hilarious. Very funny. Now put that into getting Mike Malloy wet. As soon as this drops, start threatening him too. Oh, no way. This is going to be a great

summer. But just know that he's a goon, so watch your back after you get him wet. I'll fight you for sure. Have a distance. Get out of there. He will square up. He will square up. Have a plan. Have a meeting place.

Mike will fight for no... I was in a fight situation with Mike. He punched a guy for no reason. I love it. Know that. This wasn't like in high school. This was like a year ago. No, this was like three weeks ago or something.

It was like I thought we were breaking up the fight, and was just like in high school. This is like, this was like three weeks ago or something. It was like, it was like, I thought we were breaking up the fight and then Mike was in another fight. Like I had my guy, I had his arms behind his head and I look over and I was like, what are you doing? He thrives on chaos. Yeah.

He loves it. Yeah. Yeah. Him and the Joker, man. So be careful, but get that, get him wet.

Get that dude wet. Yeah. Mike, don't punch anybody. If they. Mike, don't punch anybody if they get you wet, dude. Don't punch anyone. You're being a dick, Mike. Also show your feet on Twitch,

you coward. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you better wash your ass, dude. Show those feet on Twitch. Hey! We're gathered here today not only... Not only to remind people

to wash your ass. You're starting to sound a little more natural when I show my ass. That one sounded like... Yeah, you really take it to heart. Might as well have been Buckerdink or something. Wash it up and wash it out, bro.

Get that ass clean. But also, to fantasy draft uncles we'd want. Yeah, man. I'm excited about this one. This is a good fucking topic. I'm stoked. Yeah. I'm really stoked.

Real silly, which is fun. Yeah. I like that. Well, mine's pretty serious. Okay. Dr. Jarvik, who invented the artificial heart. That's who I... Sure.

You know. Sure. We'll be getting into that. Now now the way we determine the order of the draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissors shoot ooh David wins

you tipped your hand I did I thought it was like a strategy I should have gone paper because then there's no way anybody would have won. So fucking A. That was so foolish of me. Pretty tight though. Yeah, it was fun.

So David, you won, dude. Yeah, I won. You won again. So as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it is coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. What does that mean? It's a great question. Man, let's say

you're in the shower. You're trying to wash that ass and you're in there and you go down to your knees. You start washing your left leg and you're like, man, I should probably wash my whole ass down there. So you go all the way down to the ankle and you look at your right leg. You're like, I better wash that ass too. You start calling your legs asses for some reason in this situation. You start washing that ass on the right leg

all the way down to the ankle. You're like, man, I should probably wash that ass on the left leg again. But down to the ankle you're like man i should probably wash that ass on the left leg again but before you do that you see some body wash still on your right leg so you just scrub it in a little bit then you get over to your left leg you wash that ass again then you look down you see some dirt because you had cleats on earlier so you get all the way down there wash that ass on your left foot okay then you're like i should probably go over and wash that ass on my right foot again just because i if i had cleats on it's on my left foot it's probably gonna be on my right well the cleats because if I had cleats on, it's on my left foot, it's probably going to be on my right. You see a little piece of lint

stuck in your toenail, which always bothers you, so you get down there, you scrub that out, and then you go wash that ass on the right leg until that ass is clean. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Yeah, you wash that ass. Sean just looked at me like I was crazy. No, I thought it was great. It was great. I was already in my uncle zone. Yeah, I'm like, great. It was great. It was great. I was already in my uncle zone.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm excited about it. I didn't need the lint in the toenail if you want feedback. You didn't need it? I didn't. Did you guys hear me ask for feedback or no? Oh, wow. I feel like wash your ass, Sean Jordan, is very confident. He's in the building.

And his ass is clean as hell. Yeah, dude, I washed it. I feel like I got to wash my ass. I'll go to the Americana and get you a brand new apple wash so you know what time it is. This is new. This is crazy. I like it.

David, you won Rock, Paper, Scissors, so it is your job to determine the order of the draft, and we've explained what a serpentine draft is. With that in mind, what will the order today be? I gotta go first. I'm gonna go the loop. I'm gonna go me, Sean, Ian, Sean.

Okay. Sean's on the corner. Not the hot corner. This is crazy. I know why you're going first. Me? Yep. Because I just thought of, it just made me think of who I want to pick

and you're going to pick him right now, I bet. Oh, you think so? Really? That's interesting. Now you're getting this head to make him not pick who I think he's going to pick. Oh, wow. Because he doesn't want me to be able to read him like a book.

We're going to find out what that pick is after we take a short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy genius. Essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life

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Harvey J. Nacho Sauce. Harvey J. Nacho Sauce. Harvey J. Nacho Sauce. That's his, Ivan Carmel's name when he practiced his law in California. Harvey J. Nacho Sauce. Harvey J. Nacho Sauce.

Stephen J. Nacho Sauce. I'll probably just have Selena or Barnes do it if we're being honest. One of them retired. Yeah. Yeah. I think it might just be Barnes.

Selena. Oh no. Yeah. The Barnes. Skip all that. I'll just have Orfalean do it then. Orfalean. Orfalean? Or Sweet James. Well you don't want both dude. What am I trying to kill people? Orfaleon do it then. Or Orfaleon?

Or Sweet James. Oh, Sweet James could do it. Sweet James, dude. People are fucking looking up Sweet James now. Sweet James? Is he America's sweetest lawyer? He's like a... I lose every case, but I do it with a smile. But you're gonna love me.

Sorry. He's cute, yo. I always have mints in my pocket. I did a boo-boo. Always have mints in my pocket. So, David, you have the first pick in the uncle's draft. It was always going to be Uncle Phil. Of course it was.

Oh, yeah. It was always. It was never not. What a good man. He took his nephew out of the hood, raised him. He could dance. He was a lawyer.

One of his wives was incredible. One, not so much, but that's David's got it. Just a rule. We're not taking uncles. We're taking people we would want to be a lawyer. Do you want Uncle Phil to be my uncle? Still an amazing pick. It's a great pick.'re not taking uncles. We're taking people we would want to be alone. Yeah. Do you want Uncle Bill to be my uncle? Still an amazing pick. It's a great pick. First pick for sure. I'm glad that you said that because I'm like

what are other pop culture uncles? Uncles really get the short shrift in TV. They have to have so one of us has to take Uncle Cracker at some point. I guess. I was like I guess I'm going to go Uncle Charles for that Bone Thug song.

I know nothing about him. I don't want to die. He's dead and he played Domino's. That's all we know about him. And he had black contacts. He did, yeah. Yeah, man. Uncle Phil, of course. He's a hero.

He's got a great job. Great job. Cool sweaters. Yeah. He seemed to be really active. And there'd always be these old episodes where he was like, yeah, I marched with Dr. King. Wait, what?

Yeah, dude. And then he goes to the pool hall and you're like, ooh. Yeah, he's going to the pool. Freakishly strong because he was tossing jazzy jazzy he looks strong as hell too oh he did that's what you want out of a hunko you do want some you need a strong yeah yeah yeah it yeah he needs to be either super strong or super savvy yeah yeah yeah you do you either want like a like a grifter or like oh yeah like someone who i got a list yeah it's gonna be uncle phil's such a strong choice just all around i feel

like on the milk hyper board he'd be number one yeah yeah it's like sometimes you got to take the best player available yeah i mean and that's it yeah obviously that was the that was gonna be your first two sure it was gonna be everybody's first pick that was i was going to be your first too Sure, it was going to be everybody's first pick I don't think so This one's going to be interesting I already got a lawyer in the family Yeah, you have a dad that's a lawyer You can't have an uncle

That makes too much competition between the two Then he's going to be in a dick swinging contest I don't want to be around that They both act different I'm going like a pretty different way. Now that you picked that. I guess we're going to find out.

I'm going to guess it's going to be a bunch of Uncle Bones Brigades. Uncle Lance Mountain. Uncle Skateboard. Uncle Burrito. I bought a book the other day and my fiance was like, what is it called? Skateboard Burrito? But the best part about that is he had been talking about skateboarding like two minutes before

and then he was talking about how he's going to eat burritos for dinner like ten minutes before that she nailed it uh yeah roasted she rolls uh so what will your first pick be it's me not that Sean it's this Sean yeah okay uh Randy Marsh whoa So what will your first pick be? It's me, not that Sean. It's this Sean? Yeah.

Okay. Randy Marsh. Whoa. Oh, really? I think Randy Marsh would be a fucking cool uncle. He's a working man. He'll teach you some ethics. He'll also give you that first drink of beer.

And he'd be fun to hang out with. But I feel like he'll also maybe take you to like a rub and tug. Yeah. Of course. He would do uncle shit. Yeah. Where you're like, daddy. He would beat you up. Wait wait that's not uncle shit yes it is sean he would masturbate you at a rub and tug what do you think a rub and tug is uh like a tug of war yeah sure yeah but no that's a great pick

because he's not someone you want as your dad. No. Because being around that all the time is like a very... It'd be toxic. Yeah, it's toxic. There's too much going on. But when it's your uncle, like holidays and stuff and you're like, I'll be outside with Uncle Randy just drinking wine.

You're like your uncle who makes schnapps, I feel like. He'd put down a bunch of virus-free porn sites for you and be like, just go to those ones ones he wouldn't go to virus-free porn sites yeah he would for sure get the virus he's an uncle he doesn't know more about the internet than you sean doesn't know much he googled perfect kind of in the dark get this dude he googled perfect boobs to whack off to not to whack off not to whack off to. Not to whack off to. To appreciate. Yesterday.

No, two days ago. Perfect boobs. Baffled. So were you searching for a picture? Sometimes I sometimes I will just sit there and be like the Internet

is crazy and you can anything you want you can have and then something like that. I'm like, this is crazy. I see you want anything you want you can have. And then something like that. I'm like, this is crazy. Let's just see what's happening. Yeah.

That was two days ago. That's crazy. Just to look like You weren't going to jack off? You were just like, you know what I'd like to see right now. Were you just like here, just like sitting around by yourself? I think I was in the airport.

I think I was killing time. I was at SFO for like four hours. You're just in the Chili's in the airport? Scrolling through perfect boobs. Yeah, just looking like, uh, yeah, I love another beer. Yeah, sure. Look... Yeah, I love another beard. Look at these.

I don't know if they're perfect. Yeah, but a 9.5 out of 10 for sure. Who's deciding this really, though? Where's the rubric? The internet was made by people. So there's people who have opinions. When you Google perfect boobs, does a screen come up saying

you are a child? Yeah, yeah. Go find highlights.com. When you Google perfect boobs, does a screen come up saying you are a child? Does your dad know you're doing this? Go find thefights.com. You know who knows I'm doing it? My cool uncle Randy. He told you to Google perfect tits, but you were like, whoa. I don't like that word. I hate that word so much. What, tits? Yeah, I hate it. I don't think I've ever heard you

say it. I'm going to be in the act to say tits. I can't be like that. It doesn't ever come off real when I say it. No, I can't. I've ever heard you say it I'm going to be in the act to say tits I can't be like it doesn't ever come off real when I say it no I can't I hate it so much there's certain words that you sound like a pornographer when you say and tits is one I feel like I can never say cock cock is weird

if you were just like man I can't even do it in like a no I'm like turtling up I can't even do it in like a... No. I'm like turtling up. I'm sweating now. No, I can't. Can you imagine being like, you know, look at my cock or something? It sounds insane. Wait, what did you say?

I couldn't say something. I couldn't do it. That is a man who Googles perfect boobs. Look at my cock. Look at my cock. Look at my cock. And at my cock. Look at my cock. And they're just sitting there like, I'll do more than look at it.

No, just look at it. That's fine. Oh, look at it. I don't want to mess up my bath, so just look at it. I just reheated the bath water. Is that what you do when you splash a little more in it?

Do you ever let it drain and then fill it back up while you're in there? I sure do, bud. Nice. All right. Making a dude soup. It's my first day. It's my first bath all of a sudden. Making a dude soup.

Dude stew. That's what we took a road trip called it. Dude stew. Because there's just a bunch of dudes in a car? In a hot tub. Yeah. And then the next one we called dudes two. Dude stew.

Dude stew two. Dudes two. We're pretty creative in South're pretty creative with my first pick with my first pick I'm going to take I think somebody who would make the perfect uncle I'm taking a man who has defeated

Godzilla been in motion pictures and fills our hearts every Tuesday and Thursday on TNT Sir Charles Barkley. That is a great, that is a great pick. Yup. Oh fuck.

Charles fucking Barkley who is currently under self quarantine. Wow. Yeah. Cause he met somebody who had like a, he was like came in contact with somebody who had clearly a classic hotel bar stereotype. That's what it's fun to think about. That is

what I love. By the way, what makes Charles Barkley great and a great uncle is he's always at a hotel bar talking to just businessmen. Yeah. Becoming friends with them. Becoming friends with them. He'll talk to anybody. But also you want an uncle who Just businessmen. Yeah. Becoming friends with them. Becoming friends with them. That is crazy.

He'll talk to anybody. Yeah. But also you want an uncle who like maybe is into purchasing sex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's rich.

He's fun. He'll roast you. He'll say whatever's on his mind. He doesn't have any kids, right? Does he have kids? I think he might have. I think he does. He probably has kids.

Does he have kids that look like him? Yeah. I think he's got a daughter who looks like him. Yeah.'s great about charles barkley he has a buffy vampire look i've never heard anyone call her buffy vampire no like it's usually a the no no not not buffy the vampire slayer but like a vampire on buffy he's got like he's got the head wrinkles that are perfect for it. He went through an hour of makeup.

He's an interesting looking guy. He looks like a basketball. He has beautiful... An angry basketball. Like an angry talking basketball. Charlie Barkley's daughter looks a little bit like him, but not so much that it has ruined her life

like she's a beautiful woman that's such a good pick too because he's not someone you want to be your dad that is the beauty of an uncle yeah is there not your dad you get little glimpses of fun but if you're around him too much

it's the whole thing's ruined that's why they can You get little glimpses of fun. But if you're around him too much, the whole thing's ruined. That's why they can be sort of sleazy because you're just getting the fun of it. Exactly. You're just getting a little dose. Can you imagine going to fucking Vegas with your Uncle Charles Barkley? No.

That would be amazing. It would. He would have stories about the NBA. He would tell you that he can't tell anyone else. Yep. And there's this weird confidence, especially, I know he's got kids, but like an uncle that doesn't have kids. Yeah.

That's like the jackpot. I'm not right. I'm your kid. Like I'm a kid for the weekend for two days. Yeah. And you're going to feel good about yourself because you're not like spending all your money on hookers and blow. You don't care this kid for two days. I went on a vacation six weeks ago. My little brother met up with us to go to spring training games. Yeah.

And seeing my little brother with my son, it go to spring training games yeah and seeing my little brother with my son it was it's the perfect job uncle oh yeah he came in for two days yes gave him so much energy and then he gets to go back to his life right and like yeah do whatever it is he does and now i just got this jacked up kid on your hands exactly and like but like that like my son was like wow i didn't know if someone could pay this much attention to me right because he was like playing and having so much fun and then like he just gets to go back and get drunk with his like shithead friends and my son probably thinks he's awesome he's the greatest guy in the world and i'm like no he actually doesn't know anything

my fiance's nephew's same thing like whenever whenever I step in the door, they're just like shiny and I'm like, let's Legos, bro. Let's get to doing stuff. Let's go jump on the trampoline and then they start to have like a meltdown around bedtime. I'm like, peace. Yeah, I don't want them to associate me with the bedtime. I want to associate me with Legos and good

types. All fun. And they're like, why can't you stay? My nephew was like, we went out to dinner and like he's now like he And they're like, why can't you stay? My nephew was like, we went out to dinner and like, he's now like, he used to be like, because I live in LA and I don't see him that often.

So they used to be like, who the fuck is this guy? But now they're like, now they're like, remember me and they get all excited and he's like showing me all these. He's really into cars.

Nice. Like really into cars. Chicks come next. Like he knows, yeah. I think he's going to be like. Some dudes conquer that early. Yeah.

He like, but he's like, he knows the difference between what kind of like engines Ferraris have. Wow. And like stuff like he's really into Tesla. Isn't it so fun watching a kid gain this knowledge? Yeah. Because it's always shocking, but you're like, well, yeah, of course they were going to figure out how to jump at some point.

But then you see a kid jump and you're like, oh, they just jumped. They jumped off the couch. I just like when they get like, when they start developing their niche interests where you're like, oh, they just jumped. They jumped off the couch. I just like when they get like, when they start developing their niche interests where you're like, oh, you have a personality now. You're a guy who really likes cars. I like that they're probably not going to get hurt for real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just like throw stuff about. Oh my God.

In the walls. Yeah. They're they are resilient. Yeah. I used to just throw myself downstairs for fun. That is why we would like, not throw but like we would get a laundry basket oh yeah always sitting on the stairs and just going

like I would die if I did that now climbing up doorways and shit I get fucked up if I fall down now remember how much you used to just fall down all the time I would fall down like running full speed and just fall yeah oh i think about like playing manhunt when i was 12 and i ran directly chest first into a fence yeah

and like i didn't have the wind knocked out of me or anything i got up and kept playing if that happened to me now you'd be at my funeral the next time it's a fucking wrap. They're tough little bastards. Yeah, man. Kids are fucking tough. Charles Barkley, though. Charles Barkley's my first pick. That's a great amount of rebound. Okay, I'm going to... My first pick is... It's crazy because

Charles Barkley felt too close to what was going to be my actual first pick. No. Charles Barkley's the better version. I was putting too much like of my heart into it so i'm gonna go right to my second pick which will be my first pick and that is tom cruise oh he was on my list of course he was god damn that's a good one here's the thing so charismatic again comes into your life it's instantly a whirlwind you get to do having rad shit when you have the ability to call tom cruise uncle tom oh my god i think at that point in my life it's hilarious

maybe i'm maybe gonna say that if I ever meet him. Yeah. I think it would be pretty great. But so great. And then like the fact that whenever he visits you, you're grounding his reality. Cause like his world is so fucking crazy. I heard this story about Tom Cruise last week and it's like changed my life. Yeah. Is that he talked about how he never gets to experience real things.

He just wants to go out into the world and go to a ravioli store. He doesn't even know those aren't real. That was his example of something that everyday people get to do that he doesn't. What a poor guy. I don't know. I'd like to go out there. I don't know. I don't know.

Go to a ravioli store. What? I want to go to a pit station. Even his version of reality. He thinks there's Go to a ravioli store. What? I want to go to a pit station. Even his version of reality. He fixes whole stores for raviolis? Just ravioli. Like, you know, there's not even a ravioli section at Eataly. Do you think he sends his assistant out to the ravioli store?

Is that what people are telling him our place is? He asks his assistant, like, where'd you get that? Oh, the ravioli store. Yeah, that is someone who only hears yes. And he's like he asks his assistant like where'd you get that oh the ravioli store yeah that is someone who only hears yes and he's cool i don't want him to be my uncle yeah no that's perfect yeah you go to like the set of mission impossible on just like your family vacation yeah and then he like hooks you up for a week he's flying on his jet i feel like he would like show you like a krav maga move like all those bullies are fucking with you yeah let me show you what i learned on the set of mission

impossible all right this is gonna sound funny but you're gonna want to hit him here and then hit him here and then hit him here and that's only if it gets to that situation all right you only use it to defend yourself he's gonna shit his pants he's fucking he's an intense man he has to be i'm sure he is yeah you've met him yeah yeah it's like it's like a few times and it's like very he's just intense it's good yeah it's great it's exactly what you want why you don't want a dad yes another person who would not be a good dad no it'd be tough to have to try to live up to yeah that's my dad on top of that of course like any if you even show if you even showed an interest in acting,

you're getting compared to him. By the way, he might be your dad. We don't know. A lot of people, the streets are talking, and Tom and I look a lot alike. You do look like Tom Cruise. I would never send me a cake. He does.

I feel like we're even closer friends than Tom and I. I feel you may be way too tall. I'll tell you this. He's not way too tall. Yeah. He's not. I'll tell you this. He's not as short as people give. He's not. He's like 5'10 or something, right? How tall are you? He's like 5'8.

Like 6'2. Yeah, you're too tall. Yeah. Unless your mom was like the Australian center for their like. Yeah. They're a basketball team. Short little girl from South Dakota, my mom is. Yeah, no.

Yeah, he's not your dad. Tom Cruise. But Tom Cruise, that's my first pick that's great my second pick is and this is i think just because this is a fantasy draft and he's not like any of my uncles gonna go bill nye i don't have i don't have a dorky uncle i don't i want one what are your uncles like my uncles are all like piece of shit. Irish guys from New York and New Jersey. Dudes.

Dudes like my uncles are closer to like, you know, like I think if I ever had a real relationship with my uncle, he would have got me like a prostitute. Yeah. Like I was too nerdy for them. They wanted me to be wayitute. Yeah. I was too nerdy for them. They wanted me to be way cooler. Yeah. He's telling you like, tell your dad or don't. I'll kick his ass.

Yeah. Like when I was two, my uncle Ray tied my arm behind my back to make me a lefty so I could be a professional baseball player. My mom asked him to stop and he lost interest. Everything about that story is wild.

Yeah. So he came into your house. Tied my right hand behind my back and was like forcing me to throw a baseball. You were two? Two. And he was doing it a lot. Wow.

Yeah. My uncle Bill one time recently passed, but he was rad. But you see the true colors sometimes. I remember we were at this hotel. You know what gleeking is thing you do with your tongue? Yeah. Gleeked on him.

Shit's a dick move. But I gleeked on him and he pushed me down. He goes, do you just fucking spit on me? And I was like, I was, you know, I didn't know what to do. And then he pulled his hand like he was going to for real, like, give it to me right in the face. And my dad came up and like grabbed his arm and then they almost fought. And my grandpa slammed a bottle of Jack he's like boy he's knocking off yeah

broke a bottle of jack you know he slammed it on the table and like some kind of flew out the top like you would imagine wait what the fuck was going on we're all in a hotel room being jordans and but yeah anyway it's like the real uncles were like come on can't you guys rule my uncle ray was the closest uncle to me but he is my mom's brother. But he's fought my dad multiple times. Wow. And that is like multiple times. Like over the course of 30 years of knowing each other,

they have fought probably around seven times. Wow. That's amazing. Big boy fights too. Big boy. When a grown up gets in a fight it is no joke Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield fought do you know what the fights were over

seven is so many well my uncle loves drugs and so and he also loves like borrowing money so my dad would tell him enough is enough and then because he was high that would lead to a fight. Okay.

Yeah. So this is where I'm coming from. This is my base level. Yeah. So Bill Nye is the opposite of that. That makes total sense. I dragged his name through the mud the other day. You did.

On this podcast. Listen, I don't love Bill Nye. It would be a fun uncle though. But It would be a fun uncle, though. But it would be a fun uncle because he'll come in, he'll take common household products, put eggs in them. Yeah.

You're like, whoa, I didn't know an egg could go in a Windex bottle. That's cool. Then your dad just punches him. Yeah. I hate you for a different reason. Hey, Sean, your uncle nerd's coming over. I'm going to go bang some hookers.

I just really want a nerdy uncle. I think that will add this little spice to life. Somebody you can text. Yeah. You need to ask them my questions. You almost want. Where should I be? Yeah.

You want the black sheep uncle, too. The one guy who's not like any of the rest of your family. So he can be like, I get it. You're over there with those meatheads. Let uncle weirdo show you a good time. Well, not like that. Yeah. I get what you're saying.

Let uncle weirdo show you a good time. That is a very, that's another type of uncle. That's a big Johnson t-shirt. Let uncle weirdo show you a good time. Let Uncle Weirdo show you a good time. Just some uncle with like a huge, huge dick. Like huge. Oh my God.

Let Uncle Weirdo show you. Yeah, that went off the rails. Write it on a bar napkin and slide it to someone. Give that to that table over there. That might work. That's such a weird move. It might work. I'm not going to try it. You got to try it.

I can't. Let Uncle Weirdo show you. Go give this to a stranger outside. Tell him where I am. I'm the only other dude in the bar during a pandemic. Slide him a note that says, let Uncle Weirdo show you a good time. And then there's only other dude in the bar during a pandemic. Yeah. No, this has let uncle weirdo show you a good time. And then there's only like a six digit phone number on it.

Whoa. He is weird. I thought this was creepy, but it's just weird. It's actually, it's actually a locker at Penn state. I didn't know you could have an ad symbol in your phone number. He has his own website on here

Bill and I the science guy time for my second pick alright with my second pick I'm gonna take oh man okay I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go with Steve Irwin sure

fun loving let's get the fuck out there I'm going to go with Steve Irwin. Sure. Fun loving. Fun loving. Let's get the fuck out there. Yeah. Life was made for living, my friend. That's the story you tell when you come back from school. What did you do this summer?

I went gator hunting with my Uncle Steve. Yeah, with Uncle Steve Irwin. I actually hung out with him in Australia for like a couple months. Yep. Yeah. So cool. He's Australian. Would you want an Australian in your life? You do want one.

You'll learn new terms and phrases. Yeah, you'll come back and you'll be like, oh, that's totally gungo. Yeah. How was your son on? Steve taught me that word. He's gungo. You got Sean saying some cool shit. We should start saying it.

I think Sean's even going gungo. Better gungo your ass. Better gungo wash your ass. Or wash your gungo. Oh, you just did it. Okay. I was late.

I understand. He would fucking, it would be so fun. Like if you were doing like a big family camping trip. Yeah. And you have Steve Irwin and he's like taking you out

and showing you like the wild animals in that area. Yeah, that would be great. You could go on his boat and hang out with him like in Australia.ia plus he just seemed like a really nice guy yeah also he married a lady from oregon so that you know it's possible it's possible yeah there it is bing bang boom oh uh oh yeah and i mean like he's one of the only cool guys to ever wear like uh a fully monochromatic khaki uniform. Cool khaki shorts.

You look like the action figure before they made the action figure. Yeah. And best case scenario of an uncle who's into animals. Because most of the uncles are like snake guys. Yeah. And he will fuck some snakes. He also hasn't worked in six years.

His house smells like pee. Yeah, the snake uncle's like, you want to see a mouse get eaten? But Steve Irwin is like, you want to get into the kangaroo pouch with me? It's kind of fun. I feel like the only thing my snake uncle would teach me was what an annuity is.

And how much an eight ball costs. Fucking fair don't ask uncles. Yeah. Steve Irwin. My second pick. Such a good pick. That's solid. Sean.

For my second pick, I'm going to pick Doc Brown. Oh, I don't know why that was. It would just be a fun uncle because we can go through time. Yeah. We can time travel. Yeah, he's a science guy.

He's a science guy. He's a science guy. Doc Brown, the science guy. He's weird. Yeah, you could talk to your parents about why he's hanging out with a teenage boy. What's the deal with Uncle Doc? You get to go to his crib and he's never really paying attention to what you do. So you're like, it's pretty much my apartment. Yeah. He's just working on his time machine, which You get to like go to his crib and he's like never really paying attention to what you do so you're like it's pretty much my apartment.

He's just working on his time machine which I get to use so that's fine. He's interesting. He is interesting. An inventor? Having an inventor uncle? That's cool as shit. Did they stop telling us that was a job you could have? I feel like there was a time

where they really pushed it like you could be an I feel like there was a time where they really pushed it. You could be an inventor. That time was from Back to the Future to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Now it's all just entrepreneur, which is just taking a pre-existing idea and making it chewable. I literally saw a Shark Tank this week. A chewable toothpaste.

What? So you don't brush your teeth, you just chew? Shark Tank is week. A chewable toothpaste. I'm like, what? What the fuck? Shark Tank is really spiraling out of control. Yeah, I want to fucking shrink right. Why do we stop? This is what you're putting your mind towards? There isn't one, so why did they stop? Why did they stop trying to make one?

Right now it's all like, this lid will keep your salsa fresh. And it's like, well, fuck off. Yeah, fuck you. I want to go to high schools and tell kids they could be inventors again. Man, that was a good time. Uncle Doc, pretty cool. I bet you could tie this era of gloominess in America directly to the lack of inventors in pop culture.

We used to have the science fairs where you could invent. It was like Young's. And there were two things that were already invented, but I didn't know. So in my mind, I invented them. One of them was a broom and a dustpan with like a rubber handle. So you could just bend the broom and the dustpan together.

You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. Like there's a broom end on one dustpan on the other and the middle is rubber. So instead of having the dustpan separate, you just bend the handle and like dust things up. It's got like a like, oh, you invented that. Well, it turns out Gallagher invented that. But I thought of it before I ever things up. It's kind of like a, like, Oh, you invented that. It turns out Gallagher invented that, but I thought of it before I ever saw it. That's awesome.

The other one was a thing that, uh, Gallagher didn't sell. Well, it was on a Gallagher special when I was a kid on VH1. Yeah. Cause I remember I was like, but you don't see that every day.

You should just get on that. Like why is Gallagher like just still going to 200 seat comedy clubs when he invented something that could be used by people? Also, Junior Inventor is another crazy notch in your childhood though. You guys didn't have that like science fairs where you just

could present your idea? No, we had science fairs. It was like volcanoes and shit. Behold, the poison dart frog. Here's six things I know about it. This is where they wanted us to like, what's your idea? And the other one was something that you jam into a pie and it cuts it into eight equal pieces. Turns out those are very real.

But you just, anyway, I thought of that. Another great idea, though. It is. Too many of us have had to suffer too long from uneven pie slices. Anyway, Doc Brown. Doc Brown, baby. David Borey? long from uneven pie slices anyway doc brown great oh yeah david boy my second uncle rupaul yeah like like i i picture like a scenario like i was fucking up in school so they sent me to live with uncle rupaul one summer and he just gives me style yes and grace and teaches me about the world oh and it makes you it makes you woke at a young age yeah yeah you're like yeah my uncle rupaul told me about this years ago yeah yeah you're you're oh you

were gonna say no please you you yep no go ahead just entering that world in new york seems very cool and having an uncle that knows how to navigate it yeah because you would never be able to just get there yeah you need your uncle rupaul you gotta get let into that world yeah yeah yeah yeah and then it's like and then you can never unsee it so then you always have that with you everywhere you go imagine how confident you come back walking just you i can't even could you imagine coming back to high school after a summer with oh my god it'd be fucking amazing oh man yeah cool you talk cool you'd say you'd like say hunty and stuff like that yeah i'd have like i'd have like some kind of jacket draped over my shoulders yeah yeah yeah i saw rupaul and i've said it before i saw rupaul in real life one time and it was like

rutaul he's very tall he's very tall but also like when i saw him i was like even if i didn't know that that was rupaul i'd be like whoa this is somebody yeah yes he has that whole air yeah yeah like you're just like oh my gosh you know those like aura pictures that people take yeah he has that just walking around yeah it was just like it was like on sunset it was like at like 2 p.m and i was just like whoa yeah it was crazy seeing rupaul in the wild is insane because i've seen him but it was in a contained setting where i knew i was gonna see him i was prepared yeah but like seeing him on the street i don't know what doesn't even seem real it was i was in an uber and i was like what the fuck yeah yeah it was was crazy. Just like perfect looking.

I don't think he leaves the house unless it's all No, yeah, he's not coming out in basketball shorts. I don't even know if RuPaul wears shorts or if he does, he wears like those cool super short gay guy shorts. He definitely does not wear not like

kimono in the house. He's never been to Utah. Like not like, yeah. Like, yeah. Oh yeah. He's never been to Utah. He doesn't have any t-shirts that also have a credit union on them. Oregon state fair. And then there's a credit union. None of his t-shirts are from activities. He participated.

I bet Ru wears a fucking kimono around the house and I bet you'd start doing it too. Oh yeah. That would be the gift when you left because first you made fun of his kimono. Yeah the first day I made fun of him. I'm like what the fuck is that a dress? At the end he like gives you a kimono. He's like I knew I'd make you a believer David. Okay stay in touch hunty.

Uncle Ru is a great pick. That's who you'd learn ooh bitch from. Oh you get to go on Ru. You get to go on Ru. That's fun. Uncle Ru. We'll great pick. That's who you'd learn ooh bitch from. Oh, you get to go on Roo. You get to go on Roo. That's fun. Uncle Roo would be. We'll go hang out with Uncle Roo. And like, I also feel like I wouldn't know how big he really was.

Yeah. Until he like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, my Uncle Roo lives in New York. He is big, but also. Yeah, he's been once a year. He eats a slice of sweet potato pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Last time I saw him, he was wearing a peach suit. RuPaul and your third pick. Oh, okay. So third pick. This is tougher and easier than I thought it was going to be, if that's making any sense. Third pick, I got it.

Oh, fuck. Ah. The man who has the world. I'm going Quincy Jones. That's such a good pick. Uncle Q. Just for the stories alone. Yeah. Just being able to sit down and have like a cigar or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, tell me some stories, Q. He also has cool kids, too. So his cool cousin is like. And he's known as everything. I didn't even think about that.

Your cousin's rashida jones all of a sudden yeah and you like and he's just like he's just kind of an uncle where like he's a playboy still kind of yeah so like that's like that's the uncle he comes around he's like you fucking yet yeah yeah of course you know what i mean he's the kind of person that if you were around a female friend he's hitting on her a little bit he's trying to do it for you yeah you're like uncle q yeah but he's just doing it like my nephew loves to dance yeah he's doing it like wesley snipes and white man can't jump like just to prove to you that he can do it yeah he doesn't plan on doing anything but he's like i don't even push up on the sister yet and you look at you freaking out yeah yeah yeah yeah stop it uncle

quincy jones but then also like i could like watch him produce a john legend song yeah yeah yeah stop it uncle quincy jones but then also like i could like watch him produce a john legend song yeah it would just be yeah it'd be incredible and he has all these crazy fuck stories he'd have crazy fuck stories he'd have crazy michael jackson stories he apparently said he knows who killed kennedy yeah which was the craziest part about that interview i know everybody's like prior fucked brando i'm like he said he knew who killed gannon yeah i'll buy the prior fuck brando that doesn't feel like news crazy at all it's the two beautiful men everybody's fucking yeah well i don't know prior wasn't beautiful but like in a certain way brando nobody was funny and that just proves that like yeah like yeah yeah that's true man richard prior fucked brando do you know how dope that is a comedian got to fuck everyone talked

about it it's. It's just, it's just two people that you don't even think they met. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't even, I didn't think that was the weird thing about that story. Let alone kissing. Yeah.

What would you do? You walk into a bar, Brando's kissing prior. I'd appreciate it. I'd order a drink. I don't think it would weird me out in the slightest. I'd be like, I don't,

I don't think it's, I don't know what you mean. I don't say it's weird. Cause two dudes are kissing. I know. I'm saying you walk into a fucking bar. I'm looking around like, how'd I get into this bar? Yeah.

Is this an SNL after party? Is this, that's what I mean too. When did, where did they fuck? That's a good brand. Those after party could be. Yeah.

Brando's compound. You don't think it Pryor's house? No. I feel like Brando didn't leave his house a lot. Why would you? I bet you it was a hotel. You think it was a hotel? I think it was a hotel.

Oh, you think it was like a rendezvous? No, I don't think it's a rendezvous. I think maybe they like met. A lot of my wheelings and dealings in my head happened at hotel bars. I think maybe they were at the Chateau of Vermont. Charles Barkley introduced them. Like a party.

We should get a room. We're having so much fun. We don't want this party to end. There would be a pity if this was the end of the night. I was going to ask you to do that again. I'm glad it just happened. Also, he feels like like we were saying before, he feels like he would almost tell before, he feels like he would almost tell you stuff and then your cousin would

cut him off. He'd be like, you know, Bill Clinton jerked me off one time and Rashida's like, dad, stop. Yeah. Or, you know, whatever other stories. Yeah, or whatever else you get. So many stories, though. I mean, he knows everyone. He knows

the real Michael Jackson. That'd be crazy to know about. Quincy Jones, great pick. Tian Jordan. It's not past me to maybe get in some trouble at some point in my life. I want a powerful uncle. I want somebody who can pull some

strings. Maybe I need a favor. Maybe I need a Porsche tomorrow. Maybe I need somebody who can make things like that happen. He's about to pick Jeffrey Epstein. Chuck Rhodes from Billions. We can do fictional? You picked Uncle Phil.

What are you talking about? I picked Stan Marsh. He's a cartoon. Sometimes the line really does blur for me. I picked a Marsh. He's a cartoon. Sometimes the line really does blur for me. I picked a cartoon. I did forget that he wasn't a real guy. But I picked a cartoon immediately after. I wasn't even thinking about that.

Whoa, this whole morning I was kind of thinking Uncle Phil is a real man. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. I've only taken real guys. You're still real to me. I'm only taking real guys. You've only taken fictional uncles. Yeah.

Chuck Rhodes. Chuck Rhodes. Chuck Rhodes. I need him in my corner. I don't know that I'm going to kick it with him all that much. He would like get his nephew off of like, hey, your nephew killed somebody in the Hamptons. Chuck Rhodes. Yeah. It'll be done by tomorrow.

Is that Paul Giamatti's character? Yeah. Yeah. Keep your nose clean. Chuck Rhodes. And we know a little bit more about him than I would if I were his nephew, but I know he's a freak.

And so, you know, he's willing to do... Everybody knows that now. He made a impression on us. That's right. Everybody knows he's a freak. Yeah. And he's just powerful.

You know, I need a power player. Good to have a lawyer. It's not somebody you need to kick it with, but good to have like a powerful, connected... Just need him around. You need legal advice. Like a no bullshit. Like I'm not

your friend. I'm your uncle. Yeah. You hang out with your hot aunt sometimes. Gosh, it's hot. Would you have sex with your aunt? That's not blood related. Yeah. Can you have? Yeah. What? Yeah. I don't know. It depends on which uncle. If it was her, I mean, like. Yeah. Yeah. Not my actual aunt.

Yeah. You can't have sex with your aunt though Actually You can I only have aunts to whom I'm blood related Weird Really? Yeah I have some in my marriage

It's not illegal you are allowed to Morally it's kind of reprehensible It's morally illegal Especially if she's still married to your uncle That would be a crazy scenario. It's happening. It has to be his new wife. It has to be his new wife.

That's why Steve Wilkos has a show. That's Paul. Steve Wilkos and RedTube. They're posting documentaries every day on RedTube about the same thing happening. Did you say posting documentaries on RedTube? Lonely aunt. She's his step-nephew, Alessandra. happening. Yeah. Did she say posting documentaries on Red 2? Lonely aunt. Tisha's

step-nephew, Alessandra. I wish they would stop with that stuff, man. Brandon Wardell had a joke that I think is really like, it's a keen insight. It's like all the step-mom and step-sister porn, it's like really revealing about the divorce epidemic in this country. What did you think was going to happen?

Dad keeps upgrading. Chuck Rounds. Chuck Rounds. They go way, way down here. Way down, Wendy. You listen to me and you listen good. You get over it, you tell Axe. If you think I'm not going to get you a birthday card

on your birthday, you got another thing coming. You tell him to meet me in the third basement. I'm going to buy you a birthday card. It's going to have a check in it. And it's going to be a funny little note in there from your uncle. Chuck Rhodes. Oh yeah? That reminds me of when Def Leppard... They're always doing Threadafores and Billions.

Oh yeah, the Threadafores. I gotta see Billions. You haven't seen Billions? I've never seen Billions. It's good. But also, I gotta see billions. You do gotta see billions. You haven't seen billions? I've never seen billions. That's a perfect time. It's good. But also. It's rich New York entourage.

Yeah. Okay. That's actually. It's a little better than entourage. It is. It is. That's a great self pitch though. I'm buying.

It's unproblematic, rich New York woke entourage. Yeah. It's woke? Ish. No. It's woker than entourage. He says they about a million fucking times. That's true. Taylor, one of the characters, identifies as they them

and they fucking shove it in. Even people who wouldn't say they say they. Okay. That's cool. You got a character who's like, ah, these fucking Puerto Ricans moved in my neighborhood. I had to jack the rent up. Ah, there they are. Puerto Ricans moved in my neighborhood. I had to jack the rent up.

Ah, there they are. That is exactly what happens on Billions. I'm watching Billions. Billions sounds awesome. No, Billions is awesome. It's great. It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Private helicopters. The best thing about Billions is immediately they let you know that in this world, money does not matter one bit for any of them. Yeah. Imagine like a campy succession. Yeah. Okay. Like a fun succession. They let you know that in this world, money does not matter one bit for any of them. Imagine if they're all trying to get money. Campy succession. Yeah. Okay.

Like a fun succession. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Succession is great, not fun. Yeah. Billions is fun as hell. Yeah. Got it. I'll watch Billions.

I could crash it in the next like four days. We have, yeah. I have nothing but time right now. I think you'll really enjoy it. I really do. It's a fun ride Time for my fucking pick I am going to take Robin Williams

character from the birdcage Specifically Armand Is it Armand? I thought it was Armand, I don't know He's So you got a crib in Miami Take me to school Yeah, Armant. Is it Armant? Is it Armant? I thought it was Armant. I don't know. He's, he's

so you got a crib in Miami. Take me to school. I've seen the bird cage but take me to school real quick. Their son is a Mark. Yeah, their son is a Mark-ass Robin Williams and Nathan Lane rule. Their son's marrying Allie McBeal. Her parents suck. He comes and is like, yeah. Yeah, they're

like, yeah, conservative politicians. Okay, alright. And he wants them to like disguise how gay they are. So Nathan Lane poses as a woman. Yeah, Nathan Lane plays a woman. I like that you're laughing at the premise.

It's a great movie. I haven't seen it in like... It's based on a French movie. Le Cajon Follot. What is that again? Le Cajon Follot. What is that again? Le Cajon Follet. You might want to check out Le Cajon Follet.

Go ahead and check that. Hank Azaria's in it. Hank Azaria can fly any flag. That guy is so good. He's got a great body. I watched A Long Camechain poly the other day. He is shredded in a long-chain poly. Like, I mean, like, underwear

model shredded. He must always be shredded because he's shredded in the birdcage and there's years in between. Yeah. I mean, not shredded for like a funny person. Shredded. It's crazy when some dudes just shredded. Yeah. And you know what? Surprise shredded guys.

Yeah. And Hari Kondabolu showed brains over brawn. Did you see that shit when he recreated? No, he just destroyed Hank Azaria. Oh, yeah. Brains over brawn. Oh, man. I thought you would be one of the bigger surprise shredded guys.

Let me. He just took off his shirt and he just. Yeah. He's like, really? Please let me real quick. And I apologize. I just messed up. I was about to say, did you see when he recreated all those?

Because I was thinking of Kumail. I apologize. That was rude. If anybody caught that when you were just listening, that was just a mind. Did not. Just a brain. I know the listeners. Listeners would catch it.

So I have to address like I'm well aware. Well, anyway. Canceled. Yeah. Sorry about that. that well that's a dick move and i absolutely oh no no yeah yeah it's good to have a miami connect i mean we said it's not absolutely it's a fucking miami connect you want a guy in miami on the ground nathan lane is like i don't know if you would call himself my aunt is a fun thing but if you wanted to he could but you'd have nathan lane hanging out too and you can go to the shows yeah yeah yeah the shows would be amazing yeah you can go to the My aunt is a fun thing, but if he wanted to, he could. But you'd have Nathan Lane hanging out too. And you can go to the shows. Yeah, the shows would be amazing. Yeah, you can go to the shows.

Yeah, the dirty little secret about America, Miami fucking rules. Miami fucking rules. Miami is the greatest city. I love it so much. Yeah, it's the best time, man. I love it. Dirty little secret about America, Miami rules. Miami rules.

It does. The way it looks is crazy. it's got all those canals like miami it has like an art deco section yeah it's not the whole thing though crazy liam havana is tight as fuck man i never appreciated it until i went uh just recently and like when i got it i was like oh yeah it's like oh i went bars don't have to close yeah everything's open they have like every great restaurant like it smells good everybody's speaking spanish yeah it feel it feels it doesn't feel like america in those parts like another country people are fucking hot down there oh man hot sounds a lot like si Falls, but it's a lot cheaper to get to Sioux Falls. You guys should try it.

No, I think it is cheaper. I don't think it's actually cheaper to get to Miami. Probably is. Probably is. Neither here nor there. Yeah. Plus, I got an uncle in Miami now. Yeah.

And then on top of that, it's saying Clown Palsy has never even played Miami. They're not allowed. They won't go. Which is funny because they're beloved in Florida. I would bet. They mostly stay in Jacksonville. Yeah, it's in Jacksonville. They're a big Biloxi crowd.

Pensacola wings of gold. Not as close as they can get. Armand Goldman. Business owner. They look like they have amazing brunches. I'd like to go to those. Yeah, I feel like they were always eating. I would just want to go out there and spend two weeks with my Uncle Armand

and Nathan Lane. That's another thing. You get Nathan Lane by proxy. That's fun. Exactly. Nathan Lane. Albert. Sean O'Connor. Time for your third and fourth pick. My third pick

and I was really thinking about this because I knew I definitely wanted a cop uncle because my friends who had cop uncles uh uncle mark was a cop yeah it it ruled for them i didn't have one of those oh it's great because you get like this get out of prison card they got me out a couple skate tickets uncle mark did yeah so that's why i'm gonna pick chris tucker's character from rothschauer that is the cop that you want exactly i really was thinking i was thinking through every cinematic cop that's so good they're all semi-problematic yeah chris tucker is great

he's super funny he uh is a hero yeah yeah he knows everyone both good and bad because like he kind of owned la and yeah he did absolutely he really did know a lot of circles yeah which is awesome and then plus that you get that gold pba card that when you get pulled over it's like oh i didn't know chris t Tucker's character from Rush Hour was wrong. What was his name? I don't remember. I don't know Chris Tucker's character from Rush Hour. Yeah.

Lieutenant Officer Chris Tucker. Who's early age not to touch a black man's radio. Yes. I needed to know that. He taught the world. Yeah. We don't wash our legs. He invented that dance that everybody was doing.

Oh, yeah. Remember that shit? I don't feel like he gets enough credit. People still do watch. We don't watch that dance that everybody was doing. Oh, yeah. That's it. I don't feel like he gets enough credit. That's people still do that. Yeah. It was incredible. Was that it? Was that like the jump?

That was Chris Tucker invented that. Crazy. Yeah, that is what everybody does. That was like my wedding move for about 10 years. When I be like, well, everyone's dancing. Yeah. Gotta do something. Yeah, man.

I can't just not dance. I'll look like a coward, so I'll do this. As a whole, we should all be worshiping Chris Tucker more. I mean, like. Fifth Element alone. Fifth Element. Friday. Oh, my God.

What more do you want from a man? I mean, truly, he created three people who could be on a Mount Rushmore alone. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't even need a fourth. South Dakota. That's where Mount Rushmore is. Funny spring.

Very cool. Very cool. David Banner is playing there tonight. I heard that. And he's going straight to the ER for alcohol poisoning. He's going to play that song. We know. And then he made.

Yeah. And then after he does it, I'm in. Yeah. You better go wash your ass at the hospital. Boy, Chris Tucker. Yeah.

But Chris Tucker, Chris Tucker's character from rush hour is my third that's an amazing pick my fourth pick this is interesting to me because you don't think of them as an uncle but they are I'm gonna have to go with Barack Obama

wow having a president as an uncle it sounds like a little kid lie yeah it does that's a great one but i want that i want to feel like that all the time you could get tickets to anything anything like dude it's i mean it's been said so many times of going like do you know who my dad is but imagine being able to say do you know who my dad is but imagine being able to say do you know who my uncle is it's president barack obama president barack obama and he had a white president sean o'connor it could be he could be if enough people die i become president

i don't know how i don't know we've talked about that succession you know there was that show with keeper sutherland where he became president? How many people in the real world right now, how many people would have to die before Kiefer Sutherland was president? Actual Kiefer Sutherland. A million? Before they're like, Kiefer Sutherland's next. In the whole world?

In the States. Society would have to really break down. He's not who you want. Yeah, I mean, every doctor, every lawyer, every cop, anyone who's in the military, every athlete, probably. I just don't know where Keeper Sutherland really falls.

I think technically he's Canadian, too. I think he was born in Canada. So it's going to be a lot to get to him. Is Donald Sutherland Canadian? Yeah. I did not know that. I'm pretty sure. I read that recently. I'm looking it up right now. He was born in London. London. God, that's cool.

Double trouble, bro. Yeah. He was born. Yeah, he's Canadian. English-born Canadian actor. So every American citizen would have to die. Yeah, pretty much like 400 million to get to keep yourself alive. Plus, the

president's fucking your aunt? Yeah, dude, that's awesome yeah that would be fucking awesome good for my aunt michelle yeah that's amazing yeah damn yeah two sisters with my mom and that's like that's the president you want to have fucking your aunt yeah it's not like clinton or something yeah you're like all right yeah yeah my aunt fucks the president yeah yeah yeah like the president you want i was gonna pick taft for the jokes but then i was like now obama has to be pretty funny yeah big fat uncle yeah he loved baths yeah yeah no that's a no bullshit uncle right there yeah my girlfriend just sent me a royce the five nine song he's great very underrated yeah

that freestyle we watched was amazing yeah he's wildly underrated it's weird I don't know why he never got Royster 5'9 when I was in the bathroom earlier I sent Laura a picture and I was like I'm having a pretty dope hair day I wasn't gonna say anything you are having a good hair day I was pretty excited about it I looked in the mirror

I was like damn dude yeah or wash your ass with that hair the good thing is he lets you excited about it. I looked in the mirror and was like, damn, dude. Or wash your ass with that hair. The good thing is he lets you forget about it. It's great. He never forgets. The mark of a true good catchphrase comedian, if you will. I'm going to take Howard Stern. Great pick.

He was on my list. I'll tell you what. That is a great pick. Yes, Howard, I'll go to scores with you again. That'd be fine. What do you mean? Jenna Jameson

fucked your speaker today at work? Yeah. All right, I'll hang up. Howard Stern. Howard Stern. That's a perfect uncle. Amazing stories. He's fun.

He's funny. I feel like it'd be great to go over to his house for like a Passover dinner and something like that. Super rich. Also, on top of that, he'll tell you when he's had enough

of being an uncle, which I think is great. I love boundaries. He teaches you about boundaries. That's very important in any child's growth. Yes. He would teach you about boundaries. You would fucking have cool stories. There'd probably be some family vacations you'd go on where you'd have a much doper room. You'd be like,

whoa. Whoa. Oh, there's another bedroom. Oh my God. Oh, Oh, backyard.

Oh, like a backyard in your hotel room. Oh, so cool. Yeah. That's a good call. Uh, I just think it would be really fun yeah and he paints so you he might yeah he might give you a like one of his watercolors i take then for years to come you

have just an authentic howard stern watercolor yeah what is that that's a uh it's a howard stern that's real stern he's my uncle yeah he's... If you look in the low right-hand corner, it says Stern. Yeah. Howard. That's him. My uncle. My uncle Howie.

I don't even... I thought he was a painter until I was 18 years old. My family kept it from me. He's cool. You want to call him? My family kept it from me. Yeah, I just think he would be great. Sean Jordan.

This is my fourth? Yeah. I'm going to pick qui-gon jinn who is liam neeson's character in star wars episode one yeah the most ugly of all star wars characters i think where you're just like what's up with this guy but he is like in that he is the most calming soothing reasonable knowledgeable uh there's a problem and he's like there's a problem we'll solve it we'll figure it out everything will be fine because he even says that in there a couple times like a solution will present itself or the universe will present very zen the most zen like when he's fighting darth maul and darth maul's like tapping the fucking shockers and he's just sitting there like meditating. Meditating. Ultimately to die. But, you know, it's just that the calming voice of reason.

And he knows about the force. Yeah. I don't know if I got it in me, but I'll never know unless my uncle's Qui-Gon. Well, you probably do, because I do think genetically he gets passed on. Yeah, the Metachlorians. Yeah, the Metachlorians.

Metachlorians. Metachlorians, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Qui-Gon did it, man. Man, this is great. That's a great pick because now you have the force. Yeah, you have the force. You are a Jedi. He took a cop. He took a fucking Jedi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is great. That's a great pick because now you have the four. Yeah. You're the fourth.

You are a Jedi. He took a fucking Jedi. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I made a huge mistake. I just remember quite got gin going to Sioux Falls. It is decidingly.

It is decidingly Thanksgiving. No sweet potato pie. I get to call him Uncle Qui-Gon, which is fun. Sounds like a SoundCloud rapper, kind of. Uncle Qui-Gon? Yeah. You can talk to him about that hair.

He's a real... Yeah, I'd be like, Uncle Qui-Gon, what's going on with hair? And he'd explain it to me to where I'd be like, oh, of course. The Jedi does not trouble himself with such things. You would go full Qui-Gon, what's going on with here? And he'd explain it to me to where I'd be like, oh, of course. The Jedi does not trouble himself with such things. You would go full Qui-Gon. I would go Uncle Qui.

Well, so... In this scenario, is he on Earth? Like, he's on Earth walking around in the... Yeah, he's just hanging out. He might even have his streets on. I don't even know what he wears on Earth. He has his civvies on? He might.

I think his civvies are what he wears, man. I think they're robes. Yeah, I don't think they're I think that was I think that's what Jedi just always wore that would be so fun about being an actor in one of those Star Wars movies is you get to try out dressing like that for a while same with the Matrix

yeah fuck yeah where you're just like whoa now I know what I look like if I wear a leather trench yeah this five foot long shawl isn't working for me. Those glasses that don't have any arms on them. You're like, never thought I'd have these on my face. Here we are.

Qui-Gon Jinn is such a good pick. Big fan of Qui-Gon Jinn. So calm. And I think I have like heavy anxiety. So I think it'd be nice to have somebody like in my world who's just like, it's okay. It's all right. Calm down. You know, you're like, man i am i am calm let's go to a robin tug

i will show you the ways sean it's qui-gon would you mindsitting while I'm in the Bahamas? It's really easy. I have a cat, four plants, cable, and whatever's in the fridge. Sure, Uncle Qui-Gon. Help yourself. Yeah. It's a mission you must not take lightly.

Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah. Don't overfeed the fish. It doesn't have to be... Fish will... Go ahead. No, go ahead. It doesn't have to be so much gravity on an Uncle Qui-Gon.

I'll do it. Fish will keep eating. As long as you keep feeding them. If I feed them too much, they'll just eat it. They'll eat whatever you put in the bowl. They'll eat themselves to death. They don't just stop. One sprinkle in the morning.

Okay. One sprinkle in the evening. Cool. That's all the sprinkles. No. Just realized I forgot what quiet gun gin sounds like. He's like Liam Neeson.

Just like Liam Neeson. He doesn't sound any different. He didn't do anything. No. He sounds like soft-spoken Irish. He almost sounds Irish. Like an Irish Jedi

and you're like, what? Jedi Irish. Anyway. I know there's six beers in the fridge. I'll notice if you drink one. I'll notice if you drink

all six and replace them. I'm trusting you. I've watermarked them and peeled the labels as such. There's a great pizza place on the street. They do a calzone that'll knock your socks off. Thank you, Uncle Qui-Gon. Uncle Qui-Gon, dude. That's my new character. I think Uncle Qui-Gon is a great character.gan dude that's my new character i think uncle quaggan is a great character yeah i think that's a disney plus series get him on the line uncle quaggan just

at the house vacuuming all right the whole thing before the writer's strike get me on the horn get me on the fucking horn uh david time for your fourth and your fifth picks so i'm a big fan of having scary people in your family okay yeah and i think i think you need a i think you need an uncle you almost don't want to go to his house yeah but your dad's like no you need to go to his house yeah i'm picking lieutenant john rambo whoa yeah that is a fucking bummer house. Yeah. But you need it because you're too soft. Uncle Rambo, why aren't any lights on? I don't believe in lights. Not after what happened.

I don't believe in lights. He's just always trying to get the knot tighter. Yeah. But he's also going to teach you stuff. Yeah. How to shoot guns and survive. How to dramatically paint your face. Yeah.

Yeah. He's going to give you one of those big ass knives. You know what else you get? You get those arrows that explode that are like grenade arrows. And I need them. He'll also teach you that your Aunt Jessica had terrible taste in men. She's dead now.

Right? She's definitely We still have to visit him just to make sure he's still around. We have to make sure he's not dead. My Uncle Chad was like that after they got divorced. We're like, you still got to visit him just to make sure yeah we have to make sure he's not dead my uncle chad was like that after they got divorced we're like you still got to go over to uncle chad's house and just kind of see how he's doing it wasn't around that long but they're like yeah we're worried about him oregon too rambo the first one he came back to oregon it was either oregon or washington i forget what but i think think it was Oregon. Yeah. Yeah. Which movie Rambo? Which version?

Because the first one, he's like a really sad Vietnam War vet. Yeah. And then the later ones, he's just like insane. I think more First Blood. He's like a killing machine in the later ones. I think First Blood. Because First Blood, there was a reason behind it. He's not just your blood uncle.

He's your First Blood uncle. He says it like, they drew first blood, not me. They drew first blood, not me. Yeah, like that. That's okay. I don't mind. Yeah. Boy. Yeah. John Rambo, man. It's wild what they did with that movie franchise. It really

lasted longer than any of us thought it should. And just how it blew up. It's like if the Fast and the Furious started with a very serious movie about car racing or something like that. like if the Fast and the Furious started with a very serious movie about car racing or something like that. More like the Fast and the Serious. You know what I'm talking about? If you look at the body count on the Rambo movies,

it's something crazy. I don't know, but it's like five and then ten and then the last one. The second to last one starts off with a clear rape scene and there's like a thousand deaths. You're just like, holy buckets. It just builds up to

9-11 numbers. Wow. You guys didn't give a rip, did you? Killed a lot of brown people. Lots of white people though in Oregon. Cops. Cops, bro. Oh yeah, that's right. They were white as hell in that one.

And your fifth pick David Attenborough oh what a great pick I like that it's really good very reasonable just like yeah it'd be great over winter it'd be crazy he's telling you just stories

at like the Christmas dinner table I want him to talk about me the way he talks about animals yeah exactly like how he to talk about me the way he talks about animals. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like how he would talk about a snow fox. Yeah, but about me. Yeah. Stalking across the place. David moves into the

kitchen for a third portion of ham. Exactly. He regorges himself on scalloped potatoes before returning to the dinner table to give his uncle David a kiss on the cheek. I also think he would call me dear boy. Dear boy. Yeah.

Oh, dear boy. Oh, dear boy. Yeah. And he'd always just be like, he just seems like a guy that you would like to see after. Yeah, I think he would say like, we have much to talk about. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's been too long. There is much to talk about. Yeah. Like after a football game or something. Yeah. Or just like he hasn't seen me. Come, come. Yeah. Come now, dear boy. Have I ever told you about the summer I spent in Nepal? It would be a lot of that. Yeah. It would be

a lot of that. He's been all over the place. Oh, they dare not. It's hard to get a good cup of scotch like this anymore. Also, secret puss hound. A lot of people don't know that. Is he? No, I don't know. Oh, but I bet. Yeah. No, but he's the exact type. Like, he's like, oh. I'll tell you of

the natives of Borneo. Not only did I know Sophia Loren, I knew Sophia Loren. Yeah, it'd be great, man. I think David Attenborough would be fantastic. That's a great pick. That's a great pick. Sean Jordan, what Jedi are you taking now?

I need a man of the streets. I need a man with a code. Key Adi Mundi. I need a man who can teach me something about loyalty and about street smarts. I'm picking Dominic Toretto. And he's all about family. He's all about family.

And Corona. And also, I want to know about cars. Like, I really do. I want to know how to, like, do things with cars. You know? And he can teach me. I was truly waiting to see what you were... I was trying to figure out, like,

what sounds the least like saying, I want to fuck a car. Well, you didn't find that one what you were. I was trying to figure out what sounds the least like saying I want to fuck a car. Yeah. Well, you didn't find that one. Stop short. Dom Toretto could probably tell me what sounds the least like fucking a car. I don't know. I think he wants to fuck cars too. Vin Diesel was on our show the other day.

How was that? He is quite an individual. I bet. He's so weird. That's what I've heard. He's so weird. That's what I've heard. I've heard like very far out there. He like stood up for a while

and was like on the verge of crying and then like sat back down. He was like very earnest, but it was like weird, man. Wait, what do you mean he was on the verge of crying? He was just like, I'm so happy to be here. He still sounds like Vin Diesel, you know? i'll give him that i love that i'm so happy to be here and like james had said something about like the coronavirus and how like we want to keep giving people entertainment and he was like that right there that's what it's all that's one of the most beautiful speed and like but it was like it was really nice but it was like

it was like what's going on yeah it was like oprah tom really nice, but it was like, it was like, what's going on? Yeah. It was like Oprah, Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch level almost. But that's what's beautiful about Vin Diesel is I think it's the push and pull of being like an artist who was born and raised in New York. Yeah. So he has like. I didn't know. I don't know anything about him. So he's got the heart of an artist with the brain of like a dumb New York guy.

And the big skull of a dumb New Yorker. He really is. That's so true. So there's this push and pull and like he's on the verge of crying, but like he just, he wrote a movie, but the movie he wrote was about Riddick.

Wait, he wrote Chronicles of Riddick? Or Pitch Black. He wrote the first Pitch Black. He wrote Pitch Black? That was how people got to know. He was like a cult way before Fast and the Furious. He had a cult following because of that movie. I just knew people loved Riddick.

Yeah. Didn't that come out like 10 years later or something? He wrote Pitch Black. Yeah, that was his Rocky. Whoa, that puts a whole new... Yeah, I had no idea. Whoa, that was his. That puts a whole new. Yeah, I had no idea. That's crazy. That's wild.

Every generation has an Italian pounding away on a keyboard. Also, he's real fun in Boiler Room. I'll tell you that. He's great. Boiler Room's fun in general. I love Vin Diesel so much. Yeah, he never really. Triple X was the best movie going experience of my entire life.

They blew it away. Oh, my God. Ice Cube was not a good triple X. He's too serious. He's too serious. Truly, triple X was like a hundred Mountain Dew commercials combined.

That's what that movie needs. His name was Xander Cage. It fucking rules. I don't think I've ever seen a triple X. You'd love it. You prefer to Google perfect boobs. I will say triple X

is the action movie equivalent of Googling perfect boobs. He's a perfect boob in it. We should watch it. We should watch it tonight. We record one more and then since it's midnight I'll probably have another drink or two. Another drink for God's sake. Dominic Toretto, great pick.

Thank you. Dominic Toretto. With my final pick. Made the earth sick. I made the earth sick. I'm going to take Willie Nelson. Nice. Fun uncle.

Nice, nice, nice. Go ahead. No, I think this is the first uncle that is going to get you high. Yeah. Everyone else is sips of beers. That's. Yeah. Yeah.

He's going to. Yeah. He's going to. You're going to be like a barbecue with your whole family and your family is going to be drunk and he's going to be like, hey, that's for the losers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He doesn't call it getting high, though. He says, like, let's go expand your mind. Destroys your liver. I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoy it. I can't do it. Willie Nelson. But he probably drinks like he'll have a whiskey.

Have a whiskey. But like he just wants to get fucking blazed. And he'll pull up the guitar at family gatherings and like start playing and singing. I'd probably know a musical instrument. Yeah. In that family. Oh my God. Yeah, you get like a little concert. It's like, oh, your mom wouldn't like

me doing this with you. Yeah, alright. I'll play it. There hasn't been any musicians up until now. Yeah. I didn't even think of that. Wow, that's a perfect... I mean, Quincy Jones played the trumpet. Oh, yeah, I'll play it. There hasn't been any musicians up until now, has there? Yeah, no. I didn't even think of that. Wow, that's a perfect... I mean, Quincy Jones played the trumpet. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes, Quincy Jones. Yeah, and Charles Barkley has a beautiful singing voice. Does he? No, probably not. I don't know. Probably sings like he talks.

Yeah. Popularity! I can't imagine. Charles Barkley sings the hits. I can't even try to do it. I've never heard him sing before. Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, my heart is every... He probably sings like he golfs. And you know what?

There's quite a video of him singing. Because he's so... I don't know if I'm ready for it. Yeah, he drinks. He drinks. And he's just so unashamed of himself that he's like, yeah, I'll sing. He is unashamed of himself. He is, if nothing else, like the most confident person.

Maybe the most confident person. Maybe the most confident person. Have you seen the trash talking he was doing with Draymond Green? They've been going at each other a bunch. On Twitter? Interviews. Not on Twitter. Interviews when Charles is doing it inside the NBA. Basically,

Charles Barkley doesn't think Draymond's that good. Probably because he is the newer version of Charles Barkley. Exactly, yeah. He's like, fuck this kid. Out there just trying to fucking rough people up. So I don't even remember what the impetus of it was, what started it.

But Draymond said, he better pray I don't retire. I could go take his job tomorrow, which is not true. But Draymond Green would be amazing on TV. And then Charles Barkley. Oh, and Draymond made fun of him because he's like no ring have an ass. And then Charles Barkley

said that Draymond Green is just like, you're just lucky you were in a boy band. You're not fucking Justin Timberlake. You're Joey Fatone. That's hilarious.

He was like, you're fucking like, you're just the fifth member of a boy band, dude. You're lucky you got rings. Yeah. But Willie Nelson, he'd be amazing. Yeah, yeah he would be cool he'd have cool friends it'd be fun to go hang out in his place in texas yeah and great food he'll give you the confidence to

wear a bandana yeah yeah yeah like i feel like not enough uncles do that they don't like support your accessories i think you'd look great yeah yeah i just started wearing a shirt earlier weirdly no he'd be like weirdly stern at I feel like he would also weirdly know. He'd be like weirdly stern at times. Yeah. Like he'd be like, oh, grandma said I couldn't, shouldn't come over here to be like,

well, grandma's a bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, Willie. Would you call him Uncle Willie? Uncle Willie. Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, Uncle Willie's a cool name. Yeah. Uncle Willie. Man. That'd be, that's, yeah. Very pleased with my own pick. Sean, how about your final pick? So I've been going back and forth this whole time. It hard to close i'm gonna do it i'm gonna make this choice and i have i have a reason my choice is jackie chan's character from rush hour see i was

hoping i wanted to do some shit like that i'm happy that you did that so what's gonna happen uncle trouble right there chris ducker jack, Jackie Chan married my two aunts. They're part of their family. Now I'm in a Rush Hour sequel because they have to solve a crime at Jackie Chan's honeymoon. They got married

in Hawaii. The whole family's there. Do they get married at the same time? They got married at the same time. I'm there. I get to be their nephew who's in the wedding party. And now I'm involved in a Rush Hour sequel. This is what I want. You gotta write yourself into the project.

That would be a great reboot for that franchise. My two uncles are just... Damn. Didn't they try to do a TV show of it? Just bring that Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan. Right, that's all we want. I don't know if they're gettable anymore. I mean, Tucker is hard to get.

I can't, I don't know what Jackie Chan's up to, but he can come. I bet he can't do the stunts like he used to. I bet that when his body is beat up, but like he can do better stuff. He can. Yeah. Yeah.

He's something tells me he's still limber. I'm sure he's still got it. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, he's an athlete. That's such a good pick. Yeah, I mean, he's an athlete. That's such a good pick.

Yeah, Rush Hour fucking rules. It does rule. It really is great. Those movies were awesome. I loved the soundtrack. Yeah. Jackie Chan from Rush Hour. That's the final pick. David, to recap, you went first.

You took Uncle Phil, RuPaul, Quincy Jones, John Rambo, and David Attenborough. Sean Jordan, you went second. You took Randy Marsh, Doc Brown, Chuck Rounds, Qui-Gon Jinn and Dominic Toretto. I went third and I took Charles Barkley, Steve Irwin, Armand Goldman, Howard Stern and Willie Nelson.

Sean O'Khan, you went last and you took Tom Cruise, Bill Nye, Chris Tucker from Rush Hour and then Barack Obama and then Jackie Chan from Rush Hour. Only time that's ever been the meat in that sandwich. We left some good ones on the board. Oh, yeah, dude. I had Puff Daddy.

Rasheed Wallace. David Letterman. Larry David. Oh, I had Larry David, too. You picked Howard Stern. I was like, yeah. Bong Joon-ho, I think would be fun. Dave Chappelle. Quentin Tarantino. Bruce Wayne.

God damn. Bruce Wayne's a hot one. Bruce Wayne's a great one. I know. That bums me out. I'd have picked that. I didn't think about that. Billionaire. And he's Batman. Good chance of you becoming a Robin after Robin dies. Yeah.

Which Bruce Wayne would I take? Michael Keaton all day. Michael Keaton probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your favorite Batman? Yeah. That's what I want to hang out with the most. By far.

He seemed cool. He's the only one that had any like personality. Yeah. Like Christian Bale's a good Batman. But yeah, you want Michael Keaton. Christian Bale movies are my favorite ones. But if I had an uncle, it want Michael Keaton. Christian Bale movies are my favorite ones, but if I had an uncle it would be Keaton

Batman. Yeah. The only reason I didn't take him is because the Joker might kidnap you at some point. Yo, that would be an

unpleasant experience. I'm not trying to do that. Those dudes are going to fuck you. Yeah, it's going to be some weird shit. Yeah.

Put on clown makeup. Fuck me. I had Liam Neeson from Taken. He would have been a fun one. He'd have your back. Bill, Bill Hess or something. I had Liam Neeson from Taken. He would have been a fun one. He'd have your back. Bill.

Bill Hess or something. I think his character's name is Bill Mills. You should have just taken Liam Neeson's character. My character's name is Bill? That's wild. I've always wanted to do that. Like in one of these drafts, just find where five different characters.

I did that once, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember for what, but it's always a fun little formula. But also you guys would get hip to it real quick. Like on the third pick. We start fucking you up. Yeah. I can't remember for what, but it's always a fun little formula, but also you guys would get hip to it real quick. Like on the third pick. We start fucking you up.

Yeah. That's what I'd do to you. If I, you know, my black hole sucking you up. Chicka chicka making you bounce. Yeah. Uncle Buster.

Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster.

Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster.

Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster.

Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster.

Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster.

Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster.

Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster. Buster was a great uncle. That would have been sick. Man. He could introduce you to Raw Digger. Raw Digger.

Honestly, I think I could probably introduce you to Raw Digger. I don't think it's that hard. So those are our picks. We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter.

All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the Patreon. We love you. Thank you for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit.

Huge shout out to super producer Marissa Melnick. Yo. Yo, yo, yo. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. I love you, ma. Shout out to fucking Space Ghost, Coast to Coast. Man, that show, dude, is so funny. Shout out to the Brack show. Do you remember the Brack show? Of course.

Shout out to C-Lab 2021. Shout out to Aqua Teen. Shout out to the Jackass movies. Dude, C-Lab. Oh, that show was so funny. Shout out to the Wild Boys. Shout out to the Wild Boys. Yeah. Talking about sharks and shit.

Dude, shout out to Rom-Coms. Shout out to Noah Centineo. Sure. Shout out to Cron-Coms. What's a Crom-Com? You know, Cron-Coms, like Pineapple Express. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Croncoms for sure.

Oh, I've never heard that term before. No, I made it up. Really? Yeah. Good job. That's fucking awesome. Shout out to engineering. Shout out to fucking books, dude.

Shout out to physics, man. Physics. Hydroelectric, hydroponic and otherwise. And otherwise, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. You know, plants, dude. Shout out to plants. Shout out to bays and areas.

Everywhere in here. It's like we're in a frigging jungle. Absolutely. Shout out to the CFO of Stussy. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to the CFO of Stussy for sure. Shout out to plants. Shout out to bays and areas. Everywhere in here. It's like we're in a frigging jungle. Absolutely. Shout out to the CFO of Stussy. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to the CFO of Stussy for sure. Shout out to UFO just for being dope pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shout out to Big Dog. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Haji Beach. Shout out to Sid the Dude. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shake that. We'll see you next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklargy!

That was a HeadGum Podcast.