All Fantasy Everything - People You'd Like to Be For a Day (w/ Shane Torres, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

If I was a sculptor… but then again… no. Let me actually think about this. Direct from inside a hotel room in Denver, Shane, Sean, Ian and David draft People You’d Like to Be for a Day! Los Angeles! Come see All Fantasy Everything live this Saturday at the Mid City Arts Center. Tickets:https://www.eventbrite.com/e/all-fantasy-everything-live-tickets-73047931329Episode Guest:Shane Torres @shanetorres IG: @syrupmountainSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that was having a conversation a second ago right before we started recording, and now we're going to pick it right back up. Yeah, I was listening to the Chicago Live episode. I was running it back, and David brought up how Sean one of his ways of like watching porn is he'll just Google image search porn stars.

What? I was in the Uber in the airport. This is so much worse in the Uber in the airport in the airport from the airport to the hotel and I was I was all horned up. I was just we'd been on the road next to me. Yeah. from the airport to the hotel and I was all horned up.

We'd been on the road. You were in the Uber next to me. No, no, no. I would have been, but David told me. I would have been, but David told me the wrong airport to fly to. That's why I wasn't in the Uber next to you. I had to take a longer, more expensive Uber. So I had to look up some porn on the way there to calm down.

David told you the wrong airport you couldn't figure that out no he didn't he had his own ticket that I didn't know guys we're focusing on the wrong part of the story the weird thing you have a smart phone yeah

and I don't actually look up I felt weird watching the video it would be weird to watch a video it did not feel weird just looking up still pornography but you can admit it's weirder to watching the video. It would be weird to watch a video. It did not feel weird just looking up still pornography. But you can admit it's weirder to watch the video. I can admit that. Also, what were you going to do with no release?

You were just going to work yourself up into a frenzy back there? I don't, I didn't really have. You were just looking at it. That was also the least, the hotel that accommodated jacking off the least. I was like the Joker, man. I didn't have an end game. I was just trying to see the world burn, you knowing off the least. I was like the Joker, man. I didn't have an end game. I was just trying to see the world burn, you know? I get it.

Incel Sean. Incel Sean. Yeah, that was hilarious. Yeah, right after I went to the comedy store, you know? And we're just chuckling to myself about that on the flight here to Denver, Colorado, which is where we are right now. Hey! to myself about that on the flight here to Denver, Colorado, which is where we are

right now. Hey! We're recording this a few hours before we do the Live at High Plains episode. We're in Sean and Shane's hotel room. 1519 Crown Plaza, downtown Denver. Come by. Swing by. There'll probably be a plaque on the wall

for whoever stays here next, commemorating that Sean and Shane stayed here. The room is tidy, but busy. Yeah, I think that's a good way to describe it. Tidy, but busy. My room. A lot of Shane shit is the busy part of this room. Yeah, there's a lot of Shane shit.

There's a lot of Adidas product just sort of scattered haphazardly about the room. Sean's got checks here for some reason. Sean's got checks. And he had shit all over them. He straightened up before you got here. No, I didn't. When I got in here,

it was a fucking, when I got in, you got to hear it the night before me. That was all David's shit. No, that was just my underwear and my pants hanging up in the closet. No, and your slides are here for three days. Oh, okay.

I'm a piece of shit. No, I'm just not taking all of this. This is not all on me. My room right now looks like a tornado went through a Denny's and then a big and tall store and then hit my room and stopped there. My room is, I packed, okay. Tell me why I packed like four white tees for this trip. I can't call it.

I packed so weird for this trip. I packed a bunch of white tees and pants. Those are the two things I don't wear. Yeah. Like. Yeah, normally you just have dust. I are the two things I don't wear. You normally just have dust. I was wearing them because I packed four of them. I'm going to wear one today at the show. I have been proud about how

clean I've been keeping the white tees, though. You did keep them clean. Feels like I'm growing up. I haven't really been eating a whole lot. I was telling these guys every day I've just eaten the burger from the hotel and that's all I've got. Good burger, though. Very good burger. If anybody's the hotel, and that's all I got. Yeah. Good burger, though. Very good burger. Hotel's got, if anybody's in Denver, the Akram Plaza's got a good.

It's got some hot eats, man. That being said, don't think I needed it today for the third day in a row. Did you have it again? Yeah, yeah. It was big. I fear change. I ordered some eggs up to the room while I was putting in work. Eegs.

I got some wings. By that, he means he was having sex. I wish, man. Having sex with those eggs Since the tour it has been It's been quiet for you boy If it makes you feel any better Since I got the townhome

I've been pretty dry in these streets Wild We're focusing on us it's a choice I think it is but I thought I was going to get a townhome Ball sales Ball sales bro I thought I was going to get a town hall. All sales. All sales, bro. I thought I was going to get a town hall. The Virginia of all sales.

And it was going to be like a fucking Da Brat video. And, uh... Just like a bunch of hot dudes in Tommy Hilfiger jeans hanging out with their abs. No, it was going to be so funk-tified. With Jermaine Dupri kind of popping in the camera every now and again?

I mean, that's the only way I can finish is if he pops up. In that big-ass Tweety Bird shirt from his Cribs episode? Yeah. Is that a giant frog?

Shit, that's Jermaine Dupri. I thought it was a giant frog in my room. I would have loved to have written Jermaine Dupri and been like, hey, once you started wearing clothes that fit,

could I have all your 3XL stuff? You know he had it. He was secretly married to Janet Jackson for like a decade. It wasn't that secret. I don't think a lot of people knew. Are you serious? Beaverton knew.

Yeah, I knew. A lot of people knew. I'm not a person who knows things like that. Let's ask some people, hey, who is Janet Jackson's ex-husband? Just ask around a little bit. I bet you maybe 10% will give you Jermaine Dupri's name. What do these people we're asking look like,

do you think, Sean? Ask a bunch of white people. With overalls on and strong. We'll go to Banana Republic and we'll ask. We'll stand outside of an REI. If you ask people who Janet Jackson's husband is, you're going to hear a lot of Ian Carmel. Yeah.

Because of our highly publicized three-week tour. That would be crazy. If I just married Janet Jackson? Yeah, I've always wondered what it would be like if I was married to someone with just, like, rocking abs. Yeah. Have you felt some abs yet? No.

Yeah, they still haven't felt any. We got to work that out for you. Yeah, we'll talk about it. We'll chat. Maybe somebody. I bet you somebody tonight at the show has abs. Statistically, somebody has to have abs at that show. I want to feel both, though.

Although it is our crowd, so maybe not. Yeah, maybe. Flabs. We love you. Yeah, we love you. We are you. I want to feel male and female abs. Yeah.

Female abs. That's a whole. I've never even thought about it. Those are built for speed. Those are. I just saw Hustlers. Yeah. Oh, I bet that's full of

abs. Does J-Lo have abs? Dude, J-Lo's butt is like an old Puerto Rican magic. I don't understand. What is that? Is that racist? No, but I just don't understand how that... It's some type of

a... She's 50. Did you just say some type of island magic? Is that what you were about to say? I was going to say it's some type of a... It's some type of Did you just say some type of island magic? Is that what you were about to say? I was going to say it's some type of That butt's from the old country Yeah The old ways It's like crazy You know how they say maybe it's time to let the old ways die?

I don't think so Gabriel Garcia Marquez would have written a magical realist story about it Exactly She's a deep booty wizard. You're a bit of a deep booty wizard. I've been known to dabble. I'm the deep booty wizard.

Let's just say you Google David Borey deep booty wizard. Some stuff's going to come up. Sean is imitating. Some stuff's going to come up. Sean is imitating. It's that kind of podcast, right? We're up here in the bro-tel room.

That's Sean S. Jordan. I'm laying on his bed right now. Shane's laying in his bed like he's not on the show. No, you're pretty far away. On your phone, pillow over you. You got like a boner pillow. Do you really want my list. Do you really want to talk about what people do on their phones when other people are around right now? You Google image. Don't you dare start

with me. Porn stars. Because you're porn thing. It's crazy that you Google the level of skill involved. Everything about it is crazy. Yes, it's crazy that you just did it in an Uber. With no end game. That's the thing is he had no plan on release. He was just looking for it, sweating.

You probably didn't get to jizz for another 70 hours after that. Yeah, I was just bored. I didn't jizz, I don't think, really, that whole tour. I'm not a shower J-hour. Especially not when I know you guys will be in that shower. No, yeah, not with people. Yeah, I won't do that. But I shoot him in the toilet anyways.

Oh, there you go. From distance. Ray Allen. From the room. Don't look like that, Shane. Don't look like that. In. Don't look like that. In the toilet? I do in the pool, dude.

I get it right to the edge. Oh, my God. We were in the pool together yesterday. And I sprint over to the pool. We were in the pool together yesterday. It's just like peeing in the pool. It's just like peeing in the pool. Everybody does it.

What do you think? Chlorine's does a couple things. Everybody does it. Here's my question. Why is it okay to pee in the pool? But if I do it on the ledge, I'm a dickhead. I don't know. Hey, Muhammad, quick question.

Are these bottles of water for us? And can I Google image search some pornography back here? Muhammad, huh? Muhammad is the Uber driver? Yeah. There's a lot of guys named Muhammad who drive Uber in New York City. Wow. Old Shane Gillis over here. Wow. I hope you don't get SNL

in the next couple months. Yeah, I get picked up by Jerry all the time. Just because we live in Glendale, it's a lot of Armenian names. As that is the people who live in Glendale. There was a dude named King

the other day that sounded like What? What is King, dude? Yeah. The wrestler from Tekken 3? He'd be talking and then Oh, the lion face guy or the jaguar? Yeah, he was awesome. He'd be talking and then... The lion face guy or the jaguar?

Yeah. He was awesome. He'd be talking and then I would just hear him laugh. He'd be saying too much stuff and then he'd be like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. He was on Bluetooth. So gnarly. Yeah, it was fucked, man.

Big old bald dude named King. I like it. We were talking about the Allstate guy. Oh, yeah. And now he has a big dick. Smoking hog. They say that also the Allstate guy. Oh yeah. And now he has a big dick. Smoking hog. They say that also the Allstate guy, that guy with a really deep voice.

Apparently. Everybody knows car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have to do like reshoots of his commercial because his dick will be flapping against his khakis that they make them wear. Oh,

I'm saying like, we got to run that back. Your, your hog. Why do you think I missed my mark on Conan? Your dick was carrying you? I was leading with it. I need to lead with my heart.

The dick stops here. Here's my ankle. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Yes, sir. Sean Cooter, Mel Jordan on Instagram. A lot of those. A lot of those. How's your festival been so far?

Good, man. Chill. I mean, Wednesday was pretty buck. Oh, yeah. Not even really the festival on Wednesday, right? No, it was just me getting roofied or something. Oh, yeah. You thought you got roofied, right?

No, I just went after it. Dude, yeah. We just got hemmed. I got in here on Thursday, and the hotel room was clean the night after Sean thought he got roofied. Yeah. That's not what happened. No, yeah. I was kidding, Shane.

I know. You said you got micked. I do think somebody slipped me a Mickey once. That night we went to the Outback Steakhouse. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been roofied before. Have you? Yeah, I've told you guys about it on the podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in Berkeley, California, yeah. Yeah, man. He wanted my goodies. I said, not my goodies. My goodies. Festival's been dope, man. It's been great.

It's been so fun. Been actually doing okay. Sets, yeah. As far as like not, like last year I was up until 6 in the morning every night. And this year, well, we were in bed by 3.30. Yeah. We were in bed by 3.30. When the after party was till 5, that's not bad.

Did it go till 5? Yeah. Did it go till 5? Like, I think so. That is wild. I left it like 3.30. Yeah. It kept going. I left before you That is wild. I left at like 3.30. Yeah, it kept going. I left before you guys.

No, I left a little after you guys. Maybe it stopped at 4, but people hung out outside of it. Yeah, they did. For like 45 minutes. I was ready to go. Yep. I was pretty ready to go at that point, too. But it took an Uber like 15 minutes to get there.

That's why I left at 3.30, because I knew. And Keith picked me up. Keith. Okay, what was he in? Keith, but then he got real weird about Stevie Nicks. We were talking about Fleetwood Mac. I don't even remember why, but we were talking about Fleetwood Mac in the car. And he was like, Stevie Nicks was a jealous bitch.

And I was like, whoa. I have, honest to God, almost had that same interaction in Uber. Yeah. Kinane was like in the back. Wait, Kinane said that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The driver said that. Kinane was like in the back you know no no no no no no no the driver said that canane was like whoa wait what lindsey buckingham somebody told me recently that if you wanna uh make an older white woman think you're cool you tell her you she reminds you of stevie nicks oh that's a great move yeah

yeah especially she's got like a scarf or kind of like any article of clothing that looks like she bought it in Ohio. Yeah, that's what I think. Zach P was telling me that. He said, yeah, if you want an older white lady to think you're... That's a good move. Or say she's a witchy woman.

Yeah. Which I don't feel that great. I don't know if I'm going to pull that out. You're a bit of a witchy woman. Hey, you're kind of a witch, aren't you? Listen here, you old witchy woman. Call her a witchy woman. Call her a witchy woman. Call her a witchy woman. Call her a witchy woman.

Call her a witchy woman. What's up, bitch? Oh, damn it. Just like responding to what she says. Maybe don't be a witch about it. Then you just hit her with a bunch of old chicken bones. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

Nobody's hitting anybody. With the chicken bones, you toss them on the floor and read the future. Witchy woman, she got the moon in her eyes. Is that a Fleetwood Mac song? That's the Eagles, baby. Oh, I like that. Eagles get kind of a bad rap, in my

opinion. Yeah. I like Hotel California in Spanish. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that is great. Hotel California. That was the only part that's not in Spanish. Yeah. I don't speak Spanish. Maybe.

Sean, what do you got coming up? Anything people can, this will come out next Thursday. No. No. No. If you were in the Los Angeles area, in two days, we will be having a live.

Oh, yeah. Come through at Mid City Art Center. Yeah. Yeah. Go to our Twitters for links to the tickets. It may be sold out by then. It's getting pretty close right now, but we're going to be doing a live AFE with a special guest. It's going to be really fun.

Yeah. And then after it's my birthday party. We're going to go have your birthday party. We're going to go have a little birthday party. I'm telling you, it's not going to be wearing a going to go have your birthday party. We're going to go have a little birthday party. I'm telling you, who's not going to be wearing a white tee that night? Nobody. No shirts allowed. I'm getting covered in wing juice. No shirts allowed, guys.

After school rules. One will precede the other. Train will be there. Yeah, the shake-a-do. It's going to be fun. Yeah, Shaker do It's gonna be fun Yeah Yeah So come fuck with that Yeah do that

Faded's moving Go to Faded every Friday Oh yeah That's the new Faded venue The new Faded venue The same location Yeah Buy the Buckstarts here

If you haven't There you go That's it I have no work coming up Fuck with the Buckstarts here The G Asylum on Twitter Yes sir Coolguyjokes77 on Instagram

Uh huh What do you got coming up? No, nothing that I can talk about. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, a lot of good stuff. Until you take that flea bargain. A lot of good stuff in the works.

I hope for you guys to see at some point. But no, nothing. I don't even have road shit because that other thing went through. So I'm working on that over the winter. So, yeah. You know, just know I'm out here ducking and diving dipping and flipping you know what I mean he's making moves he's hitting the hole don't worry about it

the bubble's gonna pop right? I'm gonna eat when it's done that's right you put the food in the microwave it's not ready immediately you gotta leave it in there for a minute or two for god's sake. It's a fucking hot pocket. You know, the crazy thing about that air fryer, though, there's no heat up time.

Oh, really? No, you just drop it in there. No way. I didn't know that. You don't even have to defrost wings. You got to get me one of these fucking air fryers. Doc. You should.

Put it right next to the Emmy. They put... Yeah. I didn't know that. Deep fry the Emmy. That's so weird. It's classier than that. You got a tempura there.

It's cold. I wonder if it would survive. It's cold-plated. But I wonder if you could put... I don't even know if it's cold. It might be brass. I don't fucking know what it's made out of. You're brass.

Is it soft metal? No, it's not soft. So it's not pliable at all? I don't think so. Do you think if you mushed that... Because you're strong. Yeah, I'm strong. If you kind of squeezed on that ball part, you think you could cave it?

No. I'd be scared to try. I'll do it to one of Corden's. Just put it behind the other ones. Oh shit. I put a little Nerf basketball in there. Just switch them out and take them. Well, does it say your name on it?

Not yet. They have to send you a nameplate. Oh, okay. So right now it could be anyone's. Yeah, that's dope. Did you tell me you wanted to say M. Ian Carmel? M. Ian Carmel? Yes. Yeah? Good. Just make it sure. Just make it sure.

Light little joke to start things off. Just a little one. Stop looking at me. Over there on the other bed getting stared at by Sean is Shane Torres. He's so far out of the way. Shane Torres on Twitter at Syrup Mountain on Instagram. What do you got going on, baby? I'm on the road a whole lot.

Oh, yeah. The rest of the year. So Shane is a comedian dot com. I'll be coming up. I'll be in L.A. with the boys next week or tomorrow, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. On the road all of October with Bert Kreischer. So, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

On the road all of October with Burt Kreischer, so I might die. Oh, yeah. And then... Yeah. Oh, shit. I'll be at Detroit... Oh, shit.

I got some dates, too, after Shane's death. I totally forgot. I'll be in Cleveland November 16th at the Playhouse Theater. That's when you want to be in Cleveland. November.

November 17th, I'll be there at the Detroit Shipping Company. Nice. That'll be fun. Detroit's cool, man. And then also come to my new show with Tom Dakar, Phoebe Bottoms, and Caitlin Cook called Good God at the Sultan Room. Oh, yeah.

Can I drop these dates on you two now? Drop them. So I'm opening for Eric Andre on his tour this fall. August 8th and 9th, I'm going to be at the Paramount Theater. Can't be August. Can't be August. October? Sorry.

There you go. October 8th. I'm doing this for real. October 8th and 9th, I'm going to be in Austin, Texas at the Paramount Theater. The 9th is my birthday, by the way. Just keep that in mind, everyone. I thought the 5th was when we were partying. That's when we were partying, but the 9th is just the day of.

Really? Yeah, they misprinted it. Twins. Hilarious. October 10th, Dallas, Texas at the Majestic Theater. First comedy show I ever saw. Really? Yes.

Nice. October 11th in San Antonio at the Tobin Center for the Performing Arts. October 12th, Houston, Cullen Performance Hall. October 28th, St. Louis, Missouri, Washington University. I said Louis. October 29th, Evanston, Illinois, Northwestern University, Con Auditorium. October 30th, Milwaukee, Riverside Theater.

November 1st, Louisburg, Pennsylvania at Bucknell University. Gotcha. Yeah, Bucknell, dude. I'm going to get him a sweatshirt. I got an area to be. I'm going to get him a sweatshirt. Yeah, yeah. November 2nd, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at the Biome Theater.

I forgot that you were doing all this. Yeah. November 8th, Miami, Florida at the Olympia Theater. November 9th, the Tampa Theater in Tampa, Florida. November 16th, I'm co-hosting the Eric Andre Show at the Adult Swim Festival. November 20th, New Orleans, Louisiana at the Republic. November 21st, same thing. November 22nd, Pantages Theater, Minneapolis.

There you go. Baby's hitting the road, baby. Opening for Eric Andre, so I'll be chugging ranch and fucking ass. Yeah, dude. I don't know. Chugging ass and fucking ranch, too. Chugging ass and fucking ranch. Oh, my God.

We were up late last night. Yeah, I didn't mean either of those. I didn't mean it either way that i said it i uh i am ian carmel i remain ian carmel and always will be thus eddie and carmel on twitter ian carmel on instagram ian carmel on uh jewish america airlines app jamerica jamerica have we called you Jada Kanish at all this weekend yet? No. He texted Jada Kanish, dude.

I don't know how we didn't see that years ago. That's tight, Jada Kanish. It was right there the whole time. That's a shirt. It might be a shirt. It is a Jada Kanish shirt. Jada Kanish shirt. Can I raise something from last night?

Okay. So it was on the dance floor, and they let me guest DJ for a little bit, which was so fun it's so fucking fun the DJ was such a nice guy yeah that guy was killing it he was so cool and he was playing great music too he opened with Mariah Carey I was like my man's here to win he was here to win

he was not like one of those fucking we've talked about it before pretentious DJs who's like look how cool I am no bright eyes but lit he did play lit I played lit but he was like play lit but I played lit, but he was like, play lit. But then another dude went up in a Pepsi bucket hat, which was a cool look. Oh, that's old Kev.

Yeah, that was Kevin. Oh, I don't know that dude. He had a pony shirt on. That's Kevin O'Brien. You do know Kevin O'Brien? I do know Kevin O'Brien. Yeah. He looked a little different last night.

I'm an avid listener of the podcast. Is he really? Yeah, you know him. He looked different last night. If you saw him without that bucket hat, you would know him. Oh, I was also, you know. Yeah, we were out here. You know, maybe we ate some pizza toppings last night.

It might happen. So Kevin made a bold move that he started with. And like, you're listening to this. What up, Kevin? I'm sorry. I thought it was a wild move, too. I'm sorry I didn't put two and two together. I thought it was a wild move.

Because you fucking killed it all night, dude. But opened with This is America. I couldn't believe it. And I didn't know if I could dance to it. Just because it's like, you know. It was a wild way to start. It's a wild move. That's how you came in.

You introduce yourself. But for those of you who don't know, Kevin O'Brien is a white man. Oh, they know when you say Kevin O'Brien. Yeah. But as you know he's a Barbadian he's a Barb is that what you call him he's a Barbados distance run Barbadian

I think it is he's a barbarian Barbadian Barbadian Barbadian Barbadian distance runner but it's but that song's a jam I mean like you can dance to it is hard yeah the beat is so hard i walked away for cultural purposes but i understand it was like

i was like i'm not gonna be the i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do because people would have been checking for you then i just was oh david's dancing so it's okay i'm not gonna be that i'm not gonna be that for you what, can we talk about multiple people getting texts saying that Killer Mike was at the high dive last night? Oh my God. Highlight of my life. In my own city. In your own fucking city.

In my hometown where most people know me. Oh my God. They thought that Killer Mike was at the bar just watching a show on a Friday night. He had Instagrams tagged in. It's so weird because we all wanted to believe it. I didn't. I immediately knew what was going on. I'm like, oh, tight racism? Sick.

That's what I love before I go perform for a crowd of white people. You know how Killer Mike's always showing up to independent comedy festivals? Yeah, not like me and my friend sold a bunch of tickets at this festival or anything. I'm clearly somebody else. Me and my friend sold a bunch of tickets at this festival. It was so funny. I'm clearly somebody else. Adam Caden all checked his Instagram. He's eating dinner in Atlanta right now.

He posted five minutes ago. I get the same thing with Chris Pine last night. No, I understand. I understand. There were a lot of people. It's far less racist when that happens. Chris Pine and Killer Mike are hosting a show together? Chris Pine, Killer Mike, and Tyrese?

I think I saw Chris Pine and Killer Mike eating mushrooms in the alley last night. Now, I can't be sure. I'm pretty sure that Killer Mike took a piss. What time was it? It was four. Yeah, who knew Chris Pine and Killer Mike had it like that, dude? They are tight. And then they went to Atlanta five minutes later.

Oh, my God. That's funny. I don't have any dates coming up. Watch the Late Late Show. Admire me as an Emmy winner. Just if you have some free moments. Just like in your afternoon. You just take a couple minutes out.

Oh, good for him. I'll feel it. I'll feel it. Gas me up. No, I don't really have anything coming up. It's a lot of work until the holidays and then hopefully we'll get some more live AFEs on the books.

Hit the road again. Something like that. We also got some crazy shit that we can't talk about. Oh, we got some crazy shit popping we can't talk about. But it is popping and know that your boys are doing it. The kids are all right. We're running for president. On the Republican ticket. On the Republican ticket. Surprise! We're going far right, dude.

AFE's going far right next year. Just to like switch it up a little bit. Someone's got to go in that swamp that's been drained. We are gathered here today in a hotel room. Yeah. On the 15th floor of the Crown Plaza in beautiful Denver, Colorado. Not only to talk about how I look like Chris Pine and David is often mistaken for Killer Mike. It's not often. Often mistaken.

I don't think it's often. Quite a bit. I saw the bellhop talking about it when we were downstairs. No, you didn't. No, I didn't. Don't you spit that on my computer. I don't even do that.

I just came in here and I saw it and Sean let me have it but I have been eyeballing it. How nice like when you don't really drink soda anymore and then you have one like once every eight months

or something. It's a treat. Like you're supposed to. Yeah, it really is nice. Instead of drinking six of them hoping that makes you not thirsty. We are gathered here

to draft people with whom you would like to trade places for a day or people you'd like to live as. You could just be them for a day. I mean, people you'd like to be for a day. Yeah, they could be me. Their day is not going to be the same as my day.

It would be fun if you had to make them be you. That would be a different list. People you'd like to be for a day. Oh, how do you think people would handle being you? Me? Like any of us. I honestly think maybe better than I do. Some of the people on my list.

Fletcher Cox and he had to walk around in my body for a day. How come I'm not scary anymore? People who you'd like to be for a day. What was that little hand motion? I just get my rock, paper, scissors. The way we determine the order of the draft is with a romp. I like that you know I'm squeezing

of rock, paper, scissors played by the three of you and we throw on shoot Of rock, paper, scissors, played by the three of you, and we throw on shoot. I'm shooting up. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Sean wins. Chantel Jordan on a road game, dude. Sean wins on the road. Sean Jordan.

Yeah. Having won, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? It's a great question. Say you walk into the hotel Wednesday, you jazzed, you had a couple drinks on the plane, you go to the pool, and there's a sexy,

sexy Shane Torres in the pool, swimming from one side of the pool to the other, just like a sexy little otter. And then he stops, and then he turns around and swims back to the other side, because he's getting his workouts in, and you're just like, God damn, look at the back on that guy. And then he turns back around,

keeps swimming laps. I take my shirt off and I keep saying, hey Shane, touch my skin. And he goes, now. And then he swims across back to the other side and then just kind of goes back and forth until he looks like he does. It's amazing. Beautiful. Okay. Basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.

Yeah, that's what it means. And what part of the serpentine draft does Sean bring a bottle of Jameson into the pool? David brought that. No, I didn't. I didn't. I tried to leave it at Mel's house. So somebody brought it. Oh, you bought it, though. Yeah, I bought it for the crib, like for him to have, just because he let us chill over there.

Jameson in the pool? You had a pool drink? There was J-Mo at the pool. Damn. That's a living. There weren't any cups, though. Well, no. That would be a Irish rap video. You'd shoot a House of Pain video on the 6th storyboard.

Chumperound. If you slowed that song down and gave it a real thick Irish accent, that's a good... That's an Irish folk song. Bucket up, bucket in, let me begin. I came to win, battle me, that's a sin. Toor-a-loo-ra-loo-ra.

It works, man. Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? David, me, Shane, Ian. Hot corner. Taking that fucking hot corner, baby. Hot. Bronze medal spot. You guys didn't want, you fucked up. Who is it, David, you, Shane, me. Hot corner. Taking that fucking hot corner, baby. That bronze medal spot. You guys didn't want...

You fucked up. Who is it, David? You, Shane, me? Yeah. All right, beautiful. With that in mind, David, you have the first pick. And today's people you would want to be for a day AFV before we get to that. Let's take a quick break.

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David, now that we're back, it's time for you to make the first selection. Oprah. Oh, okay. I want to see what it's like at the top. That's access to like... She knows where the bodies are buried. She's got the launch codes.

Dr. Phil on speed dial. Yeah, that's real. Any time of day, you get Dr. Phil on the phone. Figure out what that Gail Stedman triangle is for real. Yeah, you know. You know. You know what I mean? Yeah.

She's like a modern day queen. She's got like a palatial estate up in Santa Barbara. Yeah, she has money to do. I would honestly, if I was Oprah for a day, I'd just donate all her wealth to the government of Sierra Leone. I'd drain it, Oprah. You hear that? I'd bankruptone. I drain it, Oprah. You hear that?

I bankrupt you. She'd make it back. Yeah. That's the thing. That's the beauty. And then we have some new hotels and schools and stuff. There you go. That's a beautiful plan. Yeah.

Man, she's fucking so rich. And I just want that access to like what – like there's a level of knowledge that that wealth gives you that I cannot – There's nothing you don't know. Yeah, I can't attain. I can figure out who killed Kennedy. Yeah, she's got different fruit. Yeah, she's got new fruit. She's got different animals and stuff.

She's like, this is a test dog. This isn't even out yet. Her list of favorite things is just shit that rich people don't do anymore this is a nickel hound you've never heard of these you can't get those I have one, Jason Derulo has one this is a Columbo melon

that would be cool man just to wield that kind of power for a day jet set I'd call so many people on the phone That would be cool, man. Yeah. It would be tight. Just to wield that kind of power for a day. Jet set. You could talk to, I'd call so many people on the phone. You could change a bunch of people's lives during that whole day. Just call and be like, hey, you're on Oprah. Yeah. Like next week. Well, she doesn't have a show anymore.

You get to do it. But yeah, right? Does she not? On the O network. Yeah, right? On the O network? She doesn't have a show. Also, in the meantime, she would be me.

Probably get some good reading done. Yeah. Why are we doing that? I don't know. Are we not doing that? No, no, Probably get some good reading done. Yeah. Why are we doing that? I don't know. Are we not doing that? Her consciousness ceases to exist for 24 hours. I was like, man, Oprah could fix my shit up. Basically doing Freaky Friday the draft.

If it was still you, you know it would be a bummer. It's like, you just sleep until 11 anyway. Right? Wouldn't even take advantage. I just do what I do. Just the sheets and sheets and pajamas are a lot nicer.

Everybody at the laundry mat by my house is like, what's Oprah doing here? Why is she drinking that big ass brisk tea? How come your machines don't take gold bars? You're Donald Ducking around a mansion in Hawaii. Isn't Donald Ducking when you're... It's still Donald Ducking. It's Daisy Duck.

Daisy Duck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Daisy Duck. You'd know what Oprah's vagina looked like. I would. Yeah. I'd take that Daisy Duck

and do some Daisy fucking. You'd fuck Stedman. Would you fuck Stedman? No, you'd cheat on him. When would I ever? You'd go cheat on him. I'd fuck something. Yeah.

Some Oprah. Right. No, I'm saying you'd probably go fuck someone tighter than'd fuck something yeah Oprah right no I'm saying you probably go fuck someone tight in the Stedman though right I don't think Stedman's that that not tight okay have you seen that mustache it's he was one of my picks no uh secretly you just wanted to pick him so we could fuck yeah that's so weird it's actually my first It's crazy you said that It's so wild Here you go Look at my list and everything

Now I'm going to take Beyonce And then you take Jay-Z Yeah no Oprah It would be really fun to be Oprah You could get the Obamas on the phone I could try to hook up that three way It would be really fun to be Oprah. Like, you could get the Obamas on the phone. Yeah. Just like that, you know? I could try to hook up that three-way.

Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. What is that? Oh. Because if I'm Oprah for a day, I'm throwing Hail Marys. Would they go for it?

Powerful people have to do crazy shit to feel exhilaration. That's what I'm saying. I think that, I think that. Wow. I think that that could be a... And then if I had a three-way with the Obamas, I'm one of five. I don't know how many people have done that. Not many. A lot, yeah.

Again, Jason Derulo. Yeah, Jason. Jason Derulo is out there. Three-way at the Obamas. They do it at the Mellonhound meetup. Oprah, that's a fucking great first pick Sean Jordan Time for your first pick Who would you be for a day

For my first pick I'm going to pick The late Whitney Houston Okay alright Do you know what her life was like at the end I just want to be able to sing The best The last few Your voice went to shit Do you know what her life was like at the end? I just want to be able to sing the best. Yeah, I'm not saying. I'm just saying.

The last few, your voice went to shit. But it wasn't always. So then why are you taking the late Whitney Houston? I'm just saying because she's dead. The late Whitney Houston. Like she's passed away. Not late era Whitney Houston. Yeah, I'm saying the late.

You're taking like 28 year old. You're taking like the bodyguard Whitney Houston? Yeah. Oh, like hanging out with Clive Davis. You never heard someone say that? Like when someone like the late and then the dead person. Yeah. I always thought they were talking about like late era.

That just means like they're dead. Okay. Yeah. And a hush fell over the room. Well, I guess. That was like the late energy in this room. So what era are you talking about? Like the bodyguard.

21, 22 when she might've had a girlfriend. Ooh. I like the bodyguard Alright Like right That's exactly what I was thinking of She knows Costner Yeah We were talking about that soundtrack

That's Costner at the top of his powers Do you have a concert that night? Yeah Sure I mean of course I'm taking He's the queen of the night I mean it's probably doing

Most of the bodyguard soundtracks Right when I Will Always Love You came out Like I wouldn't I just want to go belt that To be able to hit that Just to That would be amazing Didn't she do it at the Oscars or some shit probably I could pick that day yeah you could because then you could be then you could

meet like uh everybody yeah Chevy Chase would probably be maybe Jason Derulo probably would have been there Derulo was there dude Gutenberg Gutenberg might have been there. I don't know if Gutenberg was making it to the Oscars. Anthony Turner. I love Whitney. I know a lot about her. Have you watched that documentary? There's two good ones. I haven't, but I fucking love her.

She's the man. Always did. When you find out that you'll always love her? Yeah, I'll always love her. Would you be compelled to say that? She's the queen of the night. Maybe sing it. I want to run to her. I want to dance with somebody her. Would you be compelled to say that? She's the queen of the night. I want to run to her.

I want to dance with somebody still. Did you play that last night? Yeah. Eight years in a row, it gets to the fucking floor pumping. It's because it's a perfect song. It's perfect. I was bummed I didn't hear it. I mean, it didn't get played before three and I was like, damn it. They didn't let you on there. It did get played before three.

We left at like three. I started DJing before three. It always gets played before three. We left at like three. I started DJing before three. It always gets played before three. That's not a three. That's a within the... You dropped that the first hour of the party. If they throw sure boy up there again, I'll play it again. Sure boy. Sure boy. But yeah,

to have that instrument and be able to do that? Yeah, it'd be amazing. I'd love... That's like not a lot of people probably know what it feels like. I would be walking into like restaurants. Yeah, of course be amazing. That's like not a lot of people probably know what it feels like. I would be walking into like restaurants. Yeah, of course. Just like singing in order and shit. And obviously go have sex because I would like to know what it feels like to have sex as a woman. With Bobby Brown.

Yeah. Probably similar to what it feels like to have to be a man and have sex with Bobby Brown. Unpleasant. Yeah. Gritty. You ever like You ever eat like a piece of venison Someone killed and you bite down And you get a piece of buckshot

That's what it's like having sex with Bobby Brown First tender and then jarring I gotta go get a partial put in now Damn Bobby That was rough You made me bite the bed Broke my crown off. When did she get into crack cocaine?

Later. Much later. Towards the end, she was just smoking cigarettes and she blew her pipes out. Yeah, it was a bummer. So you're taking like 20, bodyguard era, How old was she, like 30? I don't know what she was there

I think she's younger than that yeah what was that song what was that sort of last hit she had where she's like in the video Heartbreak Hotel

she's in the video wearing like a white blouse yeah Heartbreak Hotel was that it I really wanted was some love when there was the exhale can you play my

Wayne's Exhale was way before that that was yeah when was I Wanna Run To You you will exhale that was Bodyguard. 94. Exhale was Shoop. Shoop is the song.

Oh, you gotta do it. Shoop. Shoop. That movie about all those black people in Arizona. Is that where Exhale was? Yeah, it was really weird. As a kid, I was just like, I guess that's what it's like in Arizona.

I went to Phoenix last weekend. It is not. I was like, where's all the black women? And then a monster energy truck. Yeah. They put it in the state that never officially recognizes Martin Luther King Day.

Shiggy Shane Torres, time for your first pick. Thank you, thank you. And now, we are not allowed to do fictional characters. That's correct. We talked about this off air. And it's a good thing because my first four were fictional characters. Really? Can I say them? Yeah, sure, get them out.

I wanted to be Spencer Strassmore because there are real versions of that. No, get him out i wanted to be spencer strassmore because oh great there are real versions of that no but i don't want to be that there also let me stop you right there there aren't i just want to know how you possible story go from broke athlete to most wanted buyer of an nfl football. Owner? It's fucking insane. I don't understand what happened between the last season and this season. Because they didn't tell us. That he got all that dough. It's fucking crazy.

He was like, I'm going to fight the NCAA. They didn't even start to talk about it. And then they're like, oh, now you're rich. You want to buy a team? That high school quarterback is gone. Yeah. Unless they're bringing him back at some point. They're not.

They're not. God. Wallers is, it's, listen, guys, I'm'm gonna keep watching it because i love it but it is bad oh yeah it's like it's like it's like a bad show now terrible show i have never like found out i was being cheated on while i was still in a relationship that's what it feels like i think so i think i kind of know what it feels like now because i've been so loyal to ballers and this is how they fucking treat me it's like they're not even trying yeah they should have let us get on the track.

We could have written a beautiful last season. Oh, my God. I would have tied it up with a ball season. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. And they're blowing. Whether they like it or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Spencer Strassmore.

So you can wear those vests? Yes. He's the only man who wears a suit as well as I do. Coach Eric Taylor, obvious reasons. I don't really need to explain that. So you can have sex with Pamby Taylor. Yes, that's right. Coach Eric Taylor, obvious reasons. I don't really need to explain that. So you're going to have sex with Pambi Taylor? Yes, that's right. Coach Eric Taylor?

Yeah. Ray Donovan. Okay. Fixer. What? He's a fixer, right? He's a fixer. Yeah.

And then I just wrote down whoever the best Superman was. You're a bit of a fixer. Fixer upper. I knew you were going there. That's not a good joke. Since that's not what we're drafting. High fives all around the drafting, what I am drafting, my first pick, I'm taking

David Miscavige, head of Scientology. Whoa! You just want to feel that evil? You also want to see, I want to know how'd you keep Travolta? Yeah, I know. I have a pretty good idea how they kept Travolta. Yeah, me too. I got some theories.

I just, there's nothing impressive about him on surface like and i just want to know how he's doing he's an evil villain yeah that's how he's doing it he's an evil villain yeah you just want to know what also what's that leverage he's got because it seems like there's some people listen i don't even feel comfortable talking about i'm not trying to put myself in a position where i don't get a cake this Christmas so I'm going to sort of stay out of this that's exactly I don't want to fuck up tasting that cake you're going to get well we can skip it

the reasons are obvious there's a lot of a lot of secrecy around it and I'm very curious that's true that is like one of the big especially being in where do you hear my next pick you'd also have like all sorts of cool places to stay in L.A. Yeah.

Because they own all this dope real estate. Yeah. And I want to go in that building across from UCB. Yeah, I do, too. You know what? It looks like a supervillain's lair. We should go on the tour. I'm scared.

They're not going to, like, I'm strong enough that they're not going to convert me. True. We're in the industry. They'll try. You think so, but then they're going to just present the girl of your dreams right at the end and bat her eyes, and then you're done for. Is that how it works?

Yeah. Lisa Left Eye Lopez died in a plane crash. Did she? Oh. Whoa. That just fucked me up more than I thought. Yeah. Oh.

Oh, my God. Plenty of smart people have taken that tour and turned into Scientologists. Also physical. Yeah, but I'm kind of dumb. Yeah. This isn't working. We shouldn't go.

We shouldn't go. And I'm very susceptible to flattering. Oh, Ian, that's a nice shirt. Where do I sign? I'm in, baby. A thousand years? I've never been bar mitzvahed or anything. Are you allowed because you're bar mitzvahed?

Could you even get down? They're a very Hollywood-ish religion I'm sure there's some former Jews in there I think, yeah Okay, well my first pick After the David Miscavige pick I would love to be Usain Bolt for a day Oh yeah

Just fucking get there. I feel what it's like to have that body. He's the fastest man who's ever existed. That would be so fucking fun. Anybody need anything from the store at all today? Yeah. You could be like Michael Vick in that episode of Atlanta. Yeah, just racing people outside of the

parking lot. You remember when you were younger? If you were a fast runner in elementary school, you were popular. Yeah. It never really changed with junior and high school. Yeah, those guys stayed popular. Yeah, they were still pretty cool.

Yeah, fast was real popular. I've never been fast ever in my entire life. I have dreams. You know how some people have dreams about flying? I have them about running fast. I don't really have them anymore, but I used to. I have them about jogging a mile. Getting it in under 10.

Yeah, I don't do anything fast either. I drive slow. I just don't. I'm not like. I drive like a fucking maniac. Yeah, you do drive fast. I'm a wheel man. Yeah, you're a wheel man.

I've never done. Nothing that I do has ever been faster. Yeah, so it would be so fun to be Usain Bolt for a day. There he is. Yeah, got it. Tantric. Sting. Eight hours.

No orgasms. No fun. I haven't had an orgasm in like 48, baby. 48. Another 48. First 48. No, that's a good call. I'd have a cool fucking pose

What's your take on the Usain Bolt pose? Get out of here How many times do you think I'm doing that tonight when we're live, bud? I'm gonna hate it Would it be on the day of a competition? Yeah, I would like in Jamaica Day of a competition That's in the morning I wake up, I eat that breakfast I fucking smoke the competition I would like in Jamaica. Okay. Day of a competition. National hero day.

That's in the morning. I wake up. I eat that breakfast. I fucking smoke the competition. And then you hit Kingston. Party in Jamaica that night. Oh, man. Top boy.

Top boy. My stomach just got butterflies. Daggering people on the dance floor. You know what I mean? Jumping off of stuff. They're jumping off of stuff onto you. I can't wait. Yeah.

Walking up to people like Terrell Owens and be like, it won't even be close. Like looking at other fast people and just be like, don't even think about it. Go to bed, Deion Sanders. I think I can probably walk faster than I can run. I bet you he could straight up power walk faster than. I bet you he power walks a 5.340.

He probably can't help it. No, it's his blood. Just to feel that. Do you want to go on a stroll today? No, I don't. Fastest man alive. I'd be wearing like a puma jumpsuit looking awesome. Nothing under, no undershirt.

No undershirt. Chains, garlic cleats. Oh my God. You would just be springy the whole time? Yeah. Yeah. I probably, yeah. Ugh.

I bet you he's got hops too. Oh, he can dunk. Oh yeah. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's just like, he's tall too, right? Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's like 6'3", 6'4", I think. Yeah. Oh, he can dunk. Oh, yeah. For sure. Because he's just like, he's tall, too, right? Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's like 6'3", 6'4", I think. Yeah.

Yeah, I would also be fucking dunking. You can bet that. Your bottom dollar. I'd be fucking, too. Bet your bottom dollar. Dunking, fucking, sprinting, eating, dancing, smoking, kissing, and swimming, dude. That'd be my night. That's a good night.

I told Laura that we had a little poll between the three of us on who likes to kiss the most, and we all decided it was me. What'd she say? She's like, you do like kissing. You're a snoopy little devil who loves to kiss, of course. I wore that shirt the other day. Oh, did you? Hell yeah.

With my next pick, I would like to be Meryl Streep for a day. Fuck, man. You had Meryl on the list? that was on your list? yeah she's the best actress of all time she's like the best living actor I would actor love to know

I mean you know but like I would just love to know what that feels like of course because I can't act for shit it's like you looked at my chest that's the thing

I did look to be fair I did look to know what it feels like to be like, Hey, go act like your son died on camera and really cry

and make me believe it. Meryl Streep's like, sure. I can do that. Plus like, I bet Chardonnay tastes better to her. You know what I mean?

Like, I bet it tastes like what it's supposed to taste like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when I drink Chardonnay, I'm like,

mine tastes like Chardonnard. Chardonnard. Chardon,ay, I'm like, mine tastes like Chardonnard. Chardonnard. Chardon-hell-na. I bet when a restaurant tells Meryl Streep we're out of something, she just goes, makes a sad face. No, you're not, honey. We'll rustle it up.

Okay. What city would you be in? New York? San Francisco. You got to be in a city. Okay. I'd be in the Bay. You got to be in a city that appreciates her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is she from there? Or you'd just be there? like New York San Francisco you got to be in a city okay I'd be in the Bay is she gonna be a city that it appreciates yeah yeah yeah is she from there or you just be there

no no maybe New York actually San Francisco is a good city to be like that in when you're that when you're Meryl Streep because everyone there loves you and it's kind of because like I don't I wouldn't want to be here in LA because the weather's too warm yeah I want to be somewhere where I can wear like a thick Meryl Streepy sweater yeah with some like big a shawl like oh some chunky jewelry New York fall Meryl Streep yeah maybe a New York fall Meryl Streepy sweater. Yeah. With some like big, a shawl. Like, oh. Some chunky jewelry. A New York fall Meryl Streep. Yeah, maybe a New York fall Meryl Streep. Yeah, like a walk through the park.

Red sweater. Yeah. Red scarf, black peacoat. Uptown, man. Get like a fucking, like an expensive coffee and walk around. Maybe do a little shopping. A thousand dollars at the coffee shop. Yeah.

Somehow, yeah. It ain't nothing. Maybe like, I would have like uh maybe like oh i have lunch with laura linney today and then laura linney and i just talk about the old times and then like i shoot a scene that night or maybe the waiter he's handsome it makes his life yeah yeah let's just have meaningful moments with people yeah and then like maybe you have a show that night or you know she's like in a play she's doing a limited run i think that's beautiful yeah that's, that's perfect.

And then I'd sign her up for the next Fast and the Furious movie. Well, I have this day. I'd sign an Ironclad contract. She could not get out of. Hobbs and Streep, 10-10 movie series. Hobbs and Streep? She plays herself. She keeps her real name. Yeah, she just is an international cartoonist. Streep 10 10 movie series she plays itself yeah she's just

she just is an international all those DVD players you stole in the first one were mine oh my god Merrill Merrill Merrill Merrill

wife is a Merrill Streep when do you get out of prison love you know yeah it'd be fucking sick I couldn't either I was like how does she does she have an accent well actually Jason I was never in prison here's the thing

here's the thing Shaw I was never in prison and you took the bait perfectly yeah I'm the world's sweetheart, Meryl Streep. So if you'll be excusing me now, I'll be, so if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving with the car and the Navcom satellite.

You know, because it's 9 or whatever. We just made more money than the Titanic movie did. The Titanic movie? Than the Titanic, dude. Which was a very profitable ship. And with inflation. Meryl Streep, my was a very profitable ship. And inflation. Meryl Streep, my second pick. Good call. Time for Shane Train's

second pick. The Train. I don't think you're going to let me get away with this one, but are they real? It's debatable. No, it's not. What? I was looking up conspiracy theories. And there's a conspiracy theory out there that Avril Lavigne died 10 years ago. Yeah, I heard about that. So I's a conspiracy theory out there that Avril Lavigne died 10 years ago.

Oh, I heard about that. So I want to be the actress who plays Avril Lavigne now. I don't even know how you get that work. So you can finally blow peak wedges. I don't understand. Why? I just like, you're going to see shit. What are you going to see?

Look, what aren't you going to see if you're the ghost of Avril Lavigne? You're impersonating Avril Lavigne? You're just an actor playing Avril Lavigne. What, aren't I going to see a bunch of shit? No. This is coming from the top down. I feel like you're saying vague stuff. Look, maybe I am, and maybe I'm shrouded in secrecy.

You can't just say this is coming from the top down. Where else would it be coming from? What do you think? I don't know what it is. All of Ontario is Avril Lavigne dependent? I don't know what you're talking about right now. What happens in her day that is intriguing to you? What do you think?

Just like, what do you think her day is like? Well, look, there's something about we're literally having a draft where we're picking who else we could be. You know, she's married to Chad Kroger from Nickelback, right? That's who you want to finish. Yeah, I guess. I would love it.

Go ahead. Walk us through this. I really need you to finish. Okay, what are we drafting right now? Tell me the subject. People you'd like to be for a day. This person got to be who they wanted to be for a day, but forever. What are you talking about?

Is he drunk? Am I drunk? Are you guys fucking with me? Is this thing on? Does this make sense? No. Are we asleep? It doesn't make any sense.

I see what you're saying where she's doing the thing we're drafting. If this conspiracy theory is true, she's doing the very thing we're drafting. So she could be the mascot of this draft, but I'm not sure I would necessarily want to be the actor playing Avril Lavigne for a day. I just think that's probably a pretty interesting person to me. Her day is just going to be Avril Lavigne's day. But there's stuff under the surface. Yeah, but then she looks at the phone and it says my real mother and then she can't call her.

He just said if he was Meryl Streep for a day, he'd sign up for the Fast and Furious movies. It's a little different. It is a little different. I'm Meryl Streep. I sign her up for a movie. Where do you see my third pick? I think I'm going to hate it. That's fine.

There we go. Just her up for a movie. Wait till you see my third pic. I think I'm going to hate it. That's fine. Alright. There we go. Just walk us through a day. Okay. Yeah. As fake Avril Lavigne. I wake up. I say, another day wearing this mask. I get in. I look at

my body. It's still good. You keep it tight. You're an international pop star. Yeah. I look at my body. It's still good. You keep it tight. You're an international pop star. I'm like, oh man, the glory days are beyond me, but it's still nice to own property. Sounds like a boring-ass day. So you wake up... I'm not done.

You're interrupting my day. You wake up depressed and you own property. You could be a dentist so far. Go ahead. I do like a serious satellite radio in-house. But I get the lyrics wrong. The skater boy. See you later, fella.

Roller blades and stuff. He's just a blader boy. He's a border guy. And that's an odd stance on immigration. You know, I'm sold. You're right. It is a good pick. I go

and I... Shane, why are you sweating so hard? Because I'm not the real Avril Lavigne. And I go have dinner at LaGuardia at the Chili's Express before I red-eye out to Calgary. Man. You're right.

That sounds like a dope day. You all right, man? There's something about the altitude, I think. All right. So your second pick is the person pretending to be Avril Lavigne in this conspiracy theory. Well, you know, we'll let the audience figure it out. Sean, time for your second pick.

I'm going to pick Neil Armstrong. Oh. And obviously the day that he walked on the moon. About the day he punched that guy in the face for saying it to Dabble. Not that day. Or was that Buzz Aldrin? That was Buzz Aldrin. That was still Neil Armstrong's second best day, though.

Just that feeling of like being on the moon, seeing Earth. I mean, I've always thought that's something that I want in my life. You're working towards that. I feel like I am. You're making all the right moves. I feel like after this comes out, someone's going to be like, do you want to go to the moon? Should I also walk on the moon?

Oh, yeah. You should do TV. I wish I did. I wish I didn't have such a hard stance on not doing TV. You got to have, I mean, all you have is your cutout. You got to have principles, you know? But I mean, that's like news coverage. It's not like you're making a personal appearance.

No. It's different. I don't do, I don't touch TV. I will not have my face on a television ever. No. No. Again, I'm not serious. Anybody out there listening who has any power,

I'd love to be on TV at some point. I'm looking at three people who have been on TV so much. You think I have the power? I didn't say you had the power. I'm just saying I'm looking at the three people that have been on TV. Anyway, I want to walk on the moon. I haven't had me. I'm strong.

Have we talked about that on here yet? Yeah. I don't know that his day. He's a dare graduate. I'm a great graduate and a dare graduate. Natural helpers. And also two natural helpers in the room. Do you guys have great gang resistance education and training?

You had that in Beaverton? Yeah. It was so fucking stupid. What gang were we going to join? Like a lacrosse team? Why didn't Sean have it? Sean, hey! They couldn't put me in a cage, bud. I was too busy getting beat into the crypt walked out of

that classroom. What are you talking about? I'm never going back. Some cop named officer Nunnenkamp came and don't join gangs and we were

like, yeah, Nunnenkamp. Oh God. I just pull my shirt up as soon as that bell rings, you're going to teach her no more

and I'll see you outside. And then another bell's going to ring. Yeah. I don't know that Neil Armstrong's day-to-day would

have been amazing, but that particular day. Well, yeah. I bet his day-to-day would have been amazing, but that particular day would have been the best. Yeah, I bet his day-to-day is alright. I bet it's like an unseasoned piece of chicken for every meal. Yeah, breasts. And a day full of firm handshakes

and eye contact. A lot of tucked-in shirts. Oh, God. A lot of haircuts. Standing appointment with your barber every third Wednesday of the month. Absolute with Clyde. Yeah. Eyes closed missionary style sex with your wife once every two months.

Clyde, give me the 5-4 clipper fade. I'm kidding. It'll be the 4-3 like usual. It's like this. Didn't mean to go off the handle like that, Clyde. The two of you laugh for 15 minutes. Do you think like Neil Armstrong's wife, like after he had sex with her, he just comes and asks, she's insatiable.

It's like once every two months. You know how astronauts, once they've been to space, will get like prof... They can't come anymore. It ruins shit. They can't jizz, yeah. No, like it makes everything weird.

It does make everything... There's like a... They just come back to Earth because they see how small it is and how little any of this matters. All this stuff. We're like very nihilistic. It's like... there's like a, they just come back to earth. Cause they see how small it is and how little any of this matters. All this stuff. Like very nihilistic. It's like,

it's like, fuck it. And they just want to go back up. Cause that's like the coolest thing. Chasing the dragon. Like you can't get that feeling doing anything else. So yeah. Be wild.

I want that. I don't want to go crazy. It's like the first time I did stand up. Yeah. It's never going to feel that good for everyone in the crowd. Well, you can stand up on the moon. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I, yeah, I did. I opened my, the Russians flew you up there. Yeah. It's never going to feel that good. For everyone in the crowd. Well, you can stand up on the moon. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, I did. I opened my. The Russians flew you up there. Yeah. Neil Armstrong. Do maybe spice things up. Have some soup.

You know, that's like. Gazpacho. Yeah. Cold soup. I'll have some. What is it? My 50th wedding anniversary? Hey, I thought we beat those guys to the moon.

He won't even eat a pierogi because Poland's a little too close to Russia. Give me a couple cooked carrots and we'll call it good. You know what I mean? Neil Armstrong isn't eating cooked carrots, ass motherfucker. Cooked carrots, fuck cooked carrots. Giant bowl of cooked carrots.

Ian just got in the Costanza pose when he was nude. In a stew I don't mind some cooked carrots no that's different I don't either I don't love stew you don't love stew?

I haven't had a good stew in a while mom I know you're listening to this let's get some stew going mom I know you're listening to this I'll be in Portland in two weekends with Ian. Let's go get stew with stew. The three of us. Stew with stew. We can record it? Oh my God. That would be

fucking hilarious. It'll be an empty bonus episode. Stew with stew. Stew with stew. Tuesdays with stew. Tuesdays with Maury. Tuesdays with mommy. Yeah! We did it. Fucking brain trust in you, man. Guess I'm going to have to change my TV rule because that's gonna be a show. Deal.

I was from fun. Yeah. Thanks. I like that one. David, time for your second and third picks as it is a serpentine draft. My second pick. I want to be Diddy. Oh, that's a great.

Yeah. That's fantastic. When current era. Oh, the day he punched his son's coach. Oh, that's a great pick. Yep. That's fantastic. Current era. Oh. The day he punched his son's coach. Kettlebell. Oh, yeah. He threw a fucking, he tried to kill him, right?

I just want to wake up, make deals, and then force my son into Division I football. And then try to murder a very strong man. Hey, so, okay. Because Diddy's like, I feel like I often get emotionally hyped up in a way that physically doesn't match it. And I think Diddy is the same way. You hear stories like I was listening to this interview with the locks and they were like, yeah, we were in the club. And then like Diddy like threw a bottle of champagne at some guy and was like, I don't give a fuck. I'm with the locks right now.

And I think that kind of behavior would be fun. Yeah, that would be really fun so this is very so you know that rick ross album his sec his second to last one it was like five years ago or something and it's got his most recent one is fucking dope it is yeah but it's with the baby it's got that baby listen to keith it's got that recording of uh diddy screaming at that dude calling him calling him out like saying oh he doesn't work hard enough you know you know i'm talking about no damn it i was gonna ask you if it was real or not they how he doesn't work hard enough. You know what I'm talking about? No. Damn it. I was going to ask you if that was real or not. They say he doesn't sleep.

Yeah, he's one of those guys who doesn't need like. He doesn't really need to sleep. Yeah, like three hours a night maybe. And I'm like, I was just watching the Bad Boy 20-year documentary. And like they're talking to his business associates. And they're like, yeah, at Uptown Record, he was just like 20 years old, screaming at people with no shirt on in the office making huge million dollar deals like he's like he's such a character well there's this so this track where he's

screaming at this guy i can't say most of the words but the gist of it is it one word a lot and one word a lot what's that but the gist david i can't say it uh but the gist of it is he's screaming he's like do you want to walk with mortals or you want to walk with god and then he fucking screams at him like make up your goddamn mind that's how he talks i want it to be real yeah he says he just yeah he's like yo that it's like another his like people forget diddy fell off completely and then came he was a joke yeah he was at the shiny post shiny suit rappers did you watch everybody made fun of him he had no respect and like yeah he was at the shiny post shiny suit rappers did you watch everybody made fun of him he had no respect and like no he was a loot like he was the butt of jokes look at what he did though came back on top like diddy's the best did you watch that new hip-hop evolution on netflix no

i didn't watch that hip-hop oh don't fucking clown me like that it's not bad and they do a whole thing on how diddy brought like did so much for hip-hop brought it into mainstream in a different way that not a lot of people had up until that point yeah he's incredible i knew you're gonna do that like it's corny that i watched that what huh huh what i knew he was gonna get mad that i watched hip-hop evolution on netflix i watched some of that hip-hop evolution but it was one of those things where i put it on the bay area one wasn't about mac dre that's all i have i know and they still didn't touch on it they did another one and still didn't bring him up

yeah see I'm not I can't respect that they talk about T-Shirt though? they didn't bring up rap in 4K to talk about Bay Area rap and not talk about that's stupid anyway Diddy's a fucking fantastic pick you could run a marathon

you will have known what it was like to lay in bed With Jennifer Lopez That's the thing if you're them for a day later in life You get all their memories for that day I didn't even think about that All I would do is think about how good things were You just jack off for 24 hours And if you don't sleep you can

I don't think his life is bad now man I bet his life is fun And I would call up Lil' Kim. I would ask people stories about Biggie. Like, there's just like... Man, that'd be cool. He has access to like everybody I want to ask. This memories thing is freaking me out.

That didn't even cross my mind. Yeah. Like, you could just be some 90-year-old. He knows what... I would know what happened with Tupac at the Hit Factory that day. Yeah, you would. Which I think that rumor is true. I think he shot on Charles.

Really? I've never heard that one. There's like, yeah, there's like a lot of people. Because he had done that before. I think he shot himself five times or had someone do it. No, the theory is he went to pull it because he's not like a gun guy like that. He went to pull it and he like, ba-bop, and then they shot him. But like he initially shot himself.

Oh, no, I didn't hear that. Is that how he shot his nut off? There's this interview with Biggie where Biggie's like, I mean, I think he was embarrassed because he shot himself. Biggie's really reluctant to say. That's pretty buck. But anyways, yeah, I'd be Diddy. That's fantastic.

God, that was good. And your third pick? My third? Hold on, let me pull it up here. My next three are kind of passion picks, I think. Oh, my next pick. And your third pick? My third. Hold on. Let me pull it up. My next three are kind of passion picks, I think. Oh. My next pick. And this is like not for the reasons you would think.

I would be Eddie Murphy. Okay. And it's not so much because of his legacy, although I love that. But when I was watching his comedians and cars getting coffee, and he described his life now now it sounds so good to me he was like he was like he was like i just like to do nothing that's my favorite thing yeah i did see that sit around with no tv or whatever and just do nothing and then he's like and i just have my kids all with me yeah and he's got a beautiful house and he's got a lifetime achievement

so he knows that and he just has a beautiful family and he's got a lifetime achievement so he knows that he just has a beautiful family and he's rich and he sits around and does nothing. He smokes a ton of weed. He makes reggae albums. Yeah. Oh my God. That song was great. Green light. He was wearing some type of strange hood. I think Party All the Time is a good song. I still think it's a good song. He's a

good singer. I mean, you got to thank Rick James for that. Yeah, but Eddie Murphy sang. You know? I mean, he's a good singer. Yeah, I mean, I would like to be Eddie Murphy for a day. I have two pictures on my table next to my bed. I got two pictures, yo. Rick James and Holly Selassie, and I thank them both every morning.

Yeah, Eddie Murphy would be great. I think I've told this story before, but it's like a third-hand story. Corden told me some dude, some like, I forget who, but some rich dude who lives on the same street as Eddie Murphy told him. And he says like once a week, literally once a week on like the same day. Maybe it's like a Tuesday. Yeah.

He'd be out walking, like walking his dog. And Eddie Murphy lives at the very end of the street in this massive house compound with a big gate. But you would hear like, like a, and then like a Ferrari would like peel out and drive down the street in this massive house compound with a big gate, but you would hear like like a and then like a Ferrari would like peel out and drive down the street like and then turn around and drive back in and then like two minutes later you hear

and then a Lamborghini and then like like a fucking McLaren, like all these super cars. Yeah. Because he has all of them. Yeah. But you can't really, you got to drive them, but he can't really go out because he's fucking Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy. Yeah. And that's like the least conspicuous kind of vehicle.

Yeah. And he's like so famous that he's famous in LA. You know what I mean? Like, which is a crazy kind of famous. Yeah. With a 50 people like that, maybe 20. I don't know. yeah like even in la you can't really go out yeah uh but yeah it'd be fun to be eddie murphy i think it would be great i think that he is that talent too yeah you know he's funny now yeah and like i think he seems to be like watching that interview he seems to be pretty content with where he's at right now yeah and i don't think that's a thing that is super common in comedians who can't hold.

It's, listen, this job, if you're looking at the old people who do it, you're going to see a lot of broken men and women. Yeah. When you see somebody who doesn't seem bucked up, it's cool. Heavy eyes. It's a little bit of a beacon. a bit of a beacon it's a light it's yeah yeah it's a light tower yeah yeah because he doesn't in like yeah i mean at least watching him in that interview he doesn't seem crazy affected and he even said it he was like i think now is the best time to do comedy yeah no just for comedy in his life oh in his life

he's like i don't reminisce on like oh that to be so great. It's like now is always the best. Yeah. His recently that like inner or what statement he made or whatever reflecting on was it delirious or raw? I forget which, but he was like the jokes. I was like a 25 year old going through a breakup. I was really sad. I wouldn't say that shit now.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think that's really cool to be like introspective like that, especially anyway, you'd not to get into like comedy. Yeah. There's a civil war on it. I'm not trying be introspective like that. Anyway, you have not to get into comedy. There's a civil war on it. I'm not trying to. Skip that.

You guys don't want to talk about the comedy. No, I don't. What's that? No, we haven't talked about it for like an hour today. All I'm going to say is the South will rise again. Yeah. Are we the South? I don't know.

All right. No. I feel like we're like the French Foreign Legion. I want to be like those. I forget the name of the, there was this like legion of soldiers from New York. The Orange Men. Who dressed super fancy. It wasn't the Orange Men.

The Minutemen? They had like some French name. I'll look it up. Right. I'll look it up during Sean's pick. Sean. Le Petit Toit. Le Petit Toit.

Le Petit Dijonais. The Little Peapod? Sean, time for your third pick. I'm going to be Axl Rose in 1991 so I can sing all the songs from Use Your Illusion 1 and 2 in a stadium and be a rock star for a day. Oh, like during their huge world tour? It was Use Your Illusion 1 with Don't Cry, November Rain,

all that crazy shit. And just to be that textbook rock star in an arena would have been, that's always just been star in an arena would have been that's always just been something i'll never know what that's like and that's like the that's like the peak of that yeah yeah i knew one man of it like yeah that era is the height of it yeah yeah yeah that you will nobody will know that you can drink a whole bottle of jamo yeah dude well it's shit wednesday that was that jack for them. That was slap. The brown stone. He keeps calling.

He won't leave me alone. Axl Rose not here. No, it's crazy. You guys probably thought he was here. He's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ian and Shane. He is hovering outside of the window, though.

He is. But he doesn't want to. So we can't let him in. He's got a jet pack out there. He's floating on a bandana too. I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it so the little guy

maura maura. The Zouaves. That was the name of the soldiers. Okay. Zouaves. Zouaves, sure. Zouaves.

Anyway, yeah, Axl Rose would be tight. Axl Rose, he's always had the best, most interesting voice and obviously that's a theme in here

that I want to be able to sing but like that. And that dance. Yeah, God. And you could wear like a... Yeah, that I want to be able to sing. Yes. But like that. And that dance. Yeah. God. And you could wear like a. Yeah, that weird like snake thing.

Yeah. You can wear a half jersey and leather pants and a bandana. He made all this whack shit look so cool. Yeah. I don't know how he did it. When I was putting. Sebastian Bach from Skid Row kissing your ass. Sebastian Bach fucking rules.

Yeah, that guy seems cool. He was the only one that held on to it. He sucks using Gilmore Girls, dude. Really? Yeah, he's awesome. He was the only one that held on to it. He sucks using Gilmore Girls, dude. Really? Yeah, he's awesome. He's the only one that didn't go nuts and lose it. He's still pretty much in shape.

He seems like a cool dude. He's a normal dude. Sebastian Bach's rad, man. Yeah, I love Sebastian Bach. I don't know what his stance is now, but he has some pretty hateful shit back in the day. Oh, he sang 18 in life?

Oh, I had no idea. What did he do? He wore a shirt on TV that said AIDS kills fags. No, don't say. He did? First of all, that was Axl Rose. yeah it wasn't sebastian buck i think it was axl rose i think it was sebastian buck anyway i don't well now we gotta cut that out no it's reality whoever wore that shirt fuck him twice yeah i think i hope it wasn't axl

because i did just pick him he probably. That's probably the reason you picked him. Oh, yeah, he did. Now we're all just Googling. It was Axl Rose? He did. No, it was Sebastian Bach. Did I see the shirt? Let me see. It was Sebastian Bach.

Thank gosh. In 1990. But he's from Canada, so that's on you, Mark. I mean, it says that exact terrible sentence. Oh, yeah. There might not be a picture there. How wild is that? Wild.

And then the later being Gilmore Girls. A complete redemption arc. I'm sure he did. He does seem like a better dude now. Maybe he just went underground. Anyway, Axl Rose. Axl Rose, man. Getting off the bus.

I mean, Axl, they said wild shit too. Of course he did. In one of their albums, I think it's one of those., I think it's one of those. Axl had sex with Tommy Lee's girlfriend, I think, and they used the actual audio

on their album in a song. That's wild. They were gnarly. Yeah, I just want to sing in an arena rock tour. And he had the best voice. I didn't, because we didn't discuss parameters. I'm picking all people

now. We're back in time. I saw Guns N' Roses at Coachella a few years ago and Axl Rose had a broken foot. Still got it, right? The pipes are still fucking there. And he was sitting in the throne and danced in the throne. It was awesome. Yeah, dude.

Shane, time for your third pick. For my third pick. You guys are going to hate this one too. I bet we will. I'm choosing any bride on her wedding day. What are you? Come on. I mean.

It's like you didn't get it. It's their happiest day Any bride on her wedding day? What are you doing over there? I'm having fun pics This is a weird scene They are fun My hangover just kicked in

Yeah It didn't really, I feel great Way to hear number four. Any bride on her wedding day. I think it'd be great to be a bride on a wedding day. Yeah? Yeah.

What if it's a shotgun wedding? With a stain on your shirt getting what you want. Huh? On a shotgun wedding. What about a teenage wedding and the old folks are wishing you well?

It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well. Yes. Walk us through your ideal wedding. I would love to hear. You're the blushing bride. What's the theme? What are the colors? What time of year? What's the location?

Is your hair the veil? Can I finish? Can you start? So I wake up. I say, another day as Avril Lavigne. Oh, no. Is this Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroger's wedding day that you're describing? No, I honestly want to hear what your, as a bride, what would your ideal wedding be?

I did not think this through. Famous Dave's Buffet. I'm not talking about your wedding. I don't think Laura's going to let that one ride. I don't think Laura's going to get married. I think it'd be nice to just have everyone tell you. Have sex for the first time. That's key.

Yeah, I'm a virgin. For sure, I'm a virgin. It's got to end with you getting fucked. By Derek Jeter. That's who. Yeah, I'm a virgin. For sure, I'm a virgin. It's got to end with you getting fucked. By Derek Jeter. That's who you're marrying. I'm the one who locked him down. Split in half. By New York's teenage bride.

No, be serious. What would be your ideal wedding? I wake up in my hotel. And I put on my makeup you can't keep interrupting me I can and I will I'll say a little

breath for you yeah that's probably one of the songs that's playing on my wedding mix that my best friend Brenda's put together ooh Brenda

she's got good taste ooh Brenda but she's actually not my maid of honor she is a little bit of a bitch but she studied abroad so she's not my maid of honor

my little brother is oh wow that's fun. We're getting married in city. In the city. City wedding. City wedding. Maybe like a not a hotel.

Yeah. Like the New York Public Library. I steal it from Sex and the City like she wanted to do. Everyone tells me I'm beautiful. I'm the most beautiful bride they've ever seen. You guys look like you're dishing, and it's so awesome. Is it a summer wedding?

A winter wedding? What are we doing here? It's fall. What are the two primary colors? Two primary colors are... Of the wedding. Orange. Oh, in the fall?

Okay, yeah. Yeah, not like an orange, but like... Like a burnt okay orange yeah not like a orange but like like a burnt orange yeah like a fall orange is the groom dressed like David S. Pumpkins

and hmm what goes with orange oh you can all have Phoenix Suns jerseys you can actually the minister has crunched the

basket the gorilla that jumps that's your wedding dress is just a real long basketball under Dan Marley that has definitely

been done oh yeah I'm sure they did it in every little time I walk out everyone gasps yes I make them stand.

I walk down the aisle to Pink Was the Color of Her Cherry by Aerosmith. What? Wait, pink? Pink's my favorite color. Pink is my favorite color. That one? Yeah. That's a song? Yeah. Pink, it was love at first sight. He's talking about... No, not the whole thing. I think there's one line about that? Yeah. That's a song? Yeah. Pink, it was love at first sight. He's talking about... No, not the whole thing. I think there's one line about that.

Yeah. The song is called Pink. But pink is about... Was the color of her cherry? No, the song's called Pink. Oh. But that's one of the lines. Yeah.

Yeah. But that is... That's a line in it. Oh, Christ. Yeah. I'm just imagining what a wedding in Sioux Falls would be like. No one's ever been married in that place. It's only divorces.

Somehow it's only divorces. They pull back my veil to reveal my steely blue eyes that I still have. I'm a curvier girl, but I've dropped a few pounds for the wedding. It's a beautiful dress. And my husband and I have babies. I love it. Yeah. All right.

Do you name them Brontosaurus and Dolores Torres? Do you pull stuff from things you've done on TV? Damn. Do your kids wonder why everything bagels cost more than regular bagels?

Daddy. Why are all these bagels the same price? That one has so much stuff on it. And that one just has Asiagio cheese on it. I still think that's how you think it's pronounced. I do too. Asiagio cheese on it. it's pronounced. I do too. I see I-G-O cheese on it. Parmesian.

Oh, man. All right. Time for my third and fourth picks. As it is. As it is. With my third pick, I would like to be Bono from the band U2 for a day. Boo! There you go.

Here's why. Let me walk you through it. Okay. I want to hear this. Oh, did you boo it or say boom? He booed. I hated it. Oh, all right all right let me explain why it's a big world uh i would like there are and again remember when i was putting this together i thought it was current day people okay that's fair uh there aren't a lot of huge arena rock bands anymore okay and i want to know what it's

like to be the fucking lead singer of like a band that just like of course yeah yeah and I would love to be Irish for a day that would be really fun like real Irish to have you just to have that accent yeah I would like to just walk around and say Irish ass shit and then like hang out in Ireland and then do a concert like in fucking Dublin whatever their biggest thing is

the O2 arena and like that night as far to the top of the thing like he did back in the 80s. Yeah, and like hang off of it with like an Irish flag, you know, while singing like Sunday Bloody Sunday. Yep. I don't even like you do that much, but I'm just like. That's why I booed, but your pick is good. I feel like it would just be like a really fun fucking day.

Yeah, your pick is good. You talk about the troubles. I talk about the troubles for sure. That's what they call the conflict there. Yeah. That's the most Irish thing. The troubles. My cousins and my aunties will be like, during the troubles. During the troubles. Let's talk about the troubles for sure. That's what they call the conflict there. Yeah. The most Irish thing. The troubles. My cousins and my aunties

will be like, during the troubles. During the trouble. And I could pull your Oprah move and donate a bunch of his money to a charity and nobody would bat an eye because he does that shit

all the time. Yeah, they wouldn't even think he was out of character. And also, him and the other guys and you two are all still really good friends. Oh, I like that.

They all get along really well so it would be like cool. Because they weren't like, I think it was like before Octoon Baby came out. Yeah. They almost, because they didn't like each other. Right.

Yeah. But they worked through it. Yeah. They were like, it's more important for us to stay friends than it is for us to have this band. So they almost broke up. Isn't that crazy? That is true with everything, by the way.

That's how I feel about this podcast. Yeah. This is the last episode, by the way. What are we doing tonight? We're just going to sit there and get drunk. Yeah. Your unrelenting positiveness is very grating. Sunday, bloody Sunday.

I'd be able to walk into his house and, like, press in a six-digit code, and then a steel door would open, and it would be full of stupid sunglasses. Yeah. And also, like, IRA resistance. Yeah. Would you go get a tattoo and then Bono, when he took his body over the next day, he'd be like,

why does it say Ian Carmel on my forearm in old English? Why is there a tattoo of some kind of fat Jewish looking guy with an ice cream cone on top of an Irish flag? I didn't even think about what we could do to these people's bodies. Oh, I did. I'll tell you what my husband's going to do to my body. Why is my dick wearing a yarmulke? How am I somehow uncircumcised now?

So I'd like to be Bono. You could start a podcast called Touching Butts or something. Touching Butts. Touching Butts with Bono. I'd go on Joe Rogan and say a bunch of crazy shit you know uh yeah yeah yeah so bono and with my fourth pick i'd like to be joseph mcguire the current director of national intelligence yeah he's the person who the cia and fbi report to so you'd know everything, bro. I don't know that I would want to know everything, man.

I think I'd be fucked. I think it would freak me the fuck out if I knew everything. I want to have gray hair for a reason, not just because I'm aging. Not just because of sleep apnea. Yeah, you'd know about aliens. You'd know who assassinated fucking who. You know what was going on with this Trump thing.

You know what really happened when Charles Barkley played Godzilla at basketball. You know everything. You know about Michael Jordan's dad. You know about Michael Jordan's dad. Can we just say real quick? I think he can find out. You probably have an executive bathroom. I think you pointed out to me last night that if you take the glasses off Eric DeDorian, he looks like

Charles Barkley. Yo! That is so funny, man. He was looking like Charles Barkley last night. I told him. It's really crazy. Yeah. It's really crazy. It's wild. Shout out to Eric DeDorian. What a great dude. He really rules. That is. Yeah, that's a good call.

My psyche, man. I think I would just... But then you could try to help i guess whatever you could do go kill all the aliens you know i would just sit in my office and be like bring me all that shit you know which shit get it in here boby all of a sudden he says boby be like what is joseph mcguire a 68 year old man uh but yeah you would just like fucking you'd know everything i'd know all his david miscavige shit too yeah you would just like fucking you'd know everything i'd know all his david miscavige shit too yeah you would that's a good that's a good way to figure it out yeah yeah yeah that's heavy dude that's a smoker the smoker dude it's a goddamn smoker

hands on a hard body shane time for your fourth pick i would pick for my fourth pick i would like to be uh johnny manziel the year he won the heisman that's a good year dude yeah that's a good year because hey i'm an asshole i did the epically the the the finger money thing the money thing it was cool man at the time yeah they should have been unstoppable outplayed everybody and my future was like everything was the future i was gonna be fine i was on my way to a great life didn't lebron love him or something like that too ignorance is bliss at that point yeah yeah you know and then you're just yeah i mean he's probably such a dickhead but manziel at that time yeah i don't know yeah just because any 19 year old 20 year old kid with that much going on is going to be a dickhead.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The condition is. But what amount of fun that would be. It would be so good. They call him Johnny Football. Johnny Football. Yeah, yeah. That's a nickname that's just sick, dude.

It's sick. For someone who's been called. It's such a good nickname, it sounds like an insult. Yeah. Like, what are you doing over there, Johnny Football? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great pick. Plus, he'd be fast. He could throw a football really well. Yeah. assault if you're like what are you doing over there johnny football yeah exactly yeah yeah plus you'd be fast you could throw a football really well yeah you and zach could both throw

a football 60 yards i'd be zach for my fifth pick yeah no spoilers yeah dude uh yeah it'd be fucking fun i think that'd be like just college that'd be like the best way to be the big fish in a small pond. Yeah. College athletes do seem like that's a pretty great life. Yeah. Like for a little bit. Where do you go again?

Texas A&M? Yeah. Which is my only issue with the pick. You don't like the A&M boy? No, no, no. UT? UT. Yeah, for sure.

You're a UT QT? I'm a little. You're a UT QT. You're a UT QT. Because they're both orange. They're both oranges. Oh, that's true. Oh, you're wearing a Vince Young at your wedding. Oh, I would.

If I could be Vince Young the day he won the National Championship. Did he beat USC? Yeah. That'd be a good fucking day. Because that was also the fuck you moment, too. Yeah. Oh, those are good picks. Damn, so you'd be like Game Day Johnny Manziel in College Station, going to a party afterwards. Yeah. Oh, those are good picks. Damn. So you'd be like game day, Johnny Manziel in college station, going to a party afterwards. Yeah.

Drinking bourbon. Yeah. Like, yeah. Like people handing me bottles of it on the way. Oh my God. That'd be so, it'd be like a fucking movie.

It'd be like the party in old school. Yeah. Uh, Sian. Uh, what is this for? Yeah. So I'm going to pick Alan Eustace.

I think it's how you say it. And that is the person who skydived from space. Oh, I want to do it on that day. You know what I'm talking about with you in space. I remember. Fascinating. Yeah.

It's you love space. I like space and space. Yeah. But just like that when he, cause he's up in space and he just free falls and you're just like that footage of him. Like when he falls out of it, it's so fucking wild.

And then my stomach turns thinking about it. Yeah. He wasn't going like 400 miles an hour. Like that. And he was in like a space suit, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And he was flipping all through the air. I mean, it'd be scary. 13 minutes or something like that. Yeah. All the way from space. Cause a free fall from like whatever 30,000 feet is like 45 seconds. So you think about,

I don't know i just picked a football player so this next statement might sound weird wouldn't it be weird to be famous for something and your face is very obscured a lot of because i can't tell you what this looks like no but you're just being them for 24 hours so i guess and all it is is just so i can do that yeah i'm sure you think it's fucked him up after what like when he got to the ground was was it like, did he like, did they have to put like those shiny blankets on them or like hook them up

to an Ivy? Like, Oh, like a FEMA blanket. Yeah. Or those marriage, they put them on marathon runners to like shiny movie alien blankets. Like,

Oh my God, you're cold. Let me put this tinfoil all over you. Yeah. Something. All right. He didn't just land in them. Just like go eat a burger. He's like chilies. Yeah. All right. So. He didn't just land and then just like go eat a burger.

Right. He's like, chilies? Yeah. All right. So what time is it? Any of us want the chilies, by the way? I wanted to go yesterday. Dude, Shane was trying to push us into chilies.

Hey, I love skillet queso and chicken crispers. Don't talk to me. I'm sitting right here and he goes, chilies? I go, that'd be tight. And then he goes, your response was, is that a real suggestion? I just went to chilies in Mesa, Arizona with old Mike Malloy. We got queso and chicken crispers. They're great. Queso's falling off.

Really? Yeah. I was just earnestly asking if it was a... That was not a no. That was a really? I like that we ate here since I was pretty close to dead yesterday. So I'm excited that we didn't have to go anywhere and do anything. Alan Eustace, plus all the Red Bull you can drink. All the Red Bull I can drink. I think I drank it all last night

you made Nick go order you a Jager Bomb I was embarrassed you were embarrassed to go order another Jager Bomb you had so many so I ordered one and the guy looked at me I get it that handsome bartender that gorgeous rockabilly bartender

I was tired she's great they're all really cool they're all really good looking cool people to judge it high dive. That gorgeous rockabilly bartender? I was tired. She's great. Oh, yeah, he's great. She's great, too. They're all really cool. They're all really good-looking, cool people. This is before the show. I've been here with you, right? Yeah. I wasn't embarrassed after the show because we had just done a show for like 200 people

and sold the place out. Before the show, I was like, I just feel like a dork. It's so fucking trashy that you made Nick go up there. I didn't make him. He goes, do you want a drink? I was like, please, if you would. Shane didn't say that in jest, guys up there. I didn't make him. He goes, do you want a drink? I was like, please, if you would. Shane didn't say that like in jest, guys. No, that would make me mad. If you were like, hey, will you go get me a Jager bomb?

He asked if I wanted a drink, and I said, yes, if you would put a Jager bomb on my tab and get whatever you'd like. I asked the man if they had rumplements, all right? So one of us was clearly living in the gutter that night. What do you think is going to happen? Nothing. He asked if I wanted a drink. I did.

It happened to be the Jagerbomb that I didn't want to order. You know, two birds. I thought you were cool. Damn. As Johnny Manziel, I feel like I'm having a few of those. I thought you were indie, bro. You can't skateboard. David, time for your fourth and final picks.

Oh, man. My fourth pick? As the battery is going to die. I'm taking LeBron James. Oh, man. My fourth pick? As the battery is going to die. I'm taking LeBron James. Yeah, baby. He was on everyone's list, I bet. Today. I thought you guys would clown me if I did that. Today. I think that that man probably has a better body

and mind than me. Yeah. And those two are in sync. Well, mine for sure. Body is up in the air. Yeah, that's true. That's fair. And those things are in sync. It's like... What? what plus you don't take plays off yeah that's true i don't take plays off i play hard defense i got my hairline uh no i think to be that finely in tuned is a human being i'll be amazing would be i don't think a lot of people get to feel what that is no and he's got

a fun family life too yeah he loves and he's like he's just like he's a genius he's a physical and mental genius yeah he is i just like waking up and being like i feel strong like yeah like it's just like what i would think all the time like i could just like get let me out of the car i'm running home from yeah yeah i don't give a fuck. You could. You could do anything. You could fucking dunk, dude. Imagine just seeing everything and being like, I could just jump on that. Yeah. I can't.

I could just fuck that guy up. I can't. Just carrying it. Cause that, that's exactly what I was thinking. I thought about that for probably 20 minutes a day. Like, what would I, what would it be like to be LeBron James for a day? I would do so much physical shit. It's all, that's all I would do is just like really.

I would just go to CrossFit. I feel like i would dunk and then look at my wife and be like can you believe that oh god i'd play like i'd play hard pickup basketball with like legends i'd show up at a park dude oh my god and just run it for like hours yeah just i've never played basketball in a way where i was better than anyone else on the court. Do you think, because you'd have LeBron James' body, and I guess his basketball intelligence? Yeah. But here's a question. If you took

your brain and put it into LeBron James' body, how good do you think you'd be at basketball? I don't, not very good. Do you think you could be like the 15th man on a roster? No. People don't think about that enough. He's so physically talented that yeah, but it wouldn't be what he is. No.

I think he was so smart. That's so much of what his game is. People don't think about that shit like give me LeBron's body, I could do it. No, you couldn't. He's a genius. He's in there. I want to be in there all, swimming in it.

I was listening to an interview with Steve Nash, and he was saying the thing that, like, in any sport he played that was how fast he could think was the hardest thing for him. Oh, yeah. Like, playing at another, like, physically he thought he could keep up a lot of the time and stuff, but, like, that he could just, like, how quick he could make decisions. LeBron? No, like, Steve Nash was saying this about himself. Like when he,

he was just like, I found that once I got to college, I had to be able to think faster. And then in the pros even more so. Right. Right. Yeah. And that's what it,

and that's what it is. It's like, it's past reflex where it's like, it's like, you're seeing it. It's muscle. It's physical muscle memory or whatever. Yeah.

It's like, it's, it's, yeah, it's intelligence. And yeah, I think it would just be really incredible to be that. It'd be so tight. Yeah. It'd be, it'd be ridiculous, dude. Yeah. You just, yeah, it's intelligence. And yeah, I think it would just be really incredible to be that. To be so tight.

Yeah, it'd be ridiculous, dude. Yeah, you just, yeah, I don't think a lot of people have ever. Being down at that pool, just like. I mean, that's like one of the, it's about as good as we could do for a human. Yeah. He's it. Yeah, that's it. He's the best.

I believe they say peak physical condition. Yeah. The peak and everything. I mean, also like a great dude. Yeah. And he's like, and he's healthy. Yeah. He's a great dude. It's just like. He does good with his good. Yeah. The peak and everything. I mean, also like a great dude. Yeah. And he's like, and he's healthy. Yeah.

He's a great dude. It's just like, he does good with his good. Yeah. I don't think there's a lot of, he probably got a smoking hog. Oh God. Oh yeah.

We saw, we saw that. It was on TV. It was gray. Zach flipped out. I didn't see it. Paused it. It was fucking hilarious.

Was it huge? It's pretty big. Yeah. He was like, I mean, I imagine he wasn't a wreck. And he's 6'8", you know,

so it's like, he wasn't a wreck. It looks big on that thing. It's a big dick he was like i mean i imagine he wasn't he's six eight you know so it's like he wasn't around it looks big it's a big dick he wasn't a wreck the blood was flowing i'll tell you that that's a big dick that's a big and your final pick uh same thing with this person the way they see the world pharrell oh shit i had about my that was gonna be my last pick yeah man synesthesia i want to know what that's like. Yeah, exactly. Like that where you see music. Yeah. Taste colors or whatever. Yeah. And it's like, it's just so alien from what I am being a big, dumb idiot.

Like, God, I think it would be cool. That might be my favorite pick out of this whole thing. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. He was, he was good. I thought I was going to be able to sneak them in there. Yeah. I knew I was going to be able to get him last.

Fucking director of national intelligence so i could be haunted for the rest of my life yeah you would just start smoking cigarettes when you came back you're doing fucking yoga with 10 naked women and he's just like you know we're 10 seconds away from nuclear winter all the time burgers have lost do you get to keep their memories do you like when you go back these are do you know why all the time. Burgers have lost their taste. Do you get to keep their memories when you go back? Do you know what bees are? Do you know why all the bees are dying? Do you really want to know

why all the bees are dying? Meanwhile, David's designing fucking cool hats and shit. Making furniture in Amsterdam or whatever he was doing when he was gone for a while. Oh, man. That's awesome.

Yeah, Pharrell, man. I think that guy's got a brain like nobody else. Yeah, the synesthesia. He's awesome. Yeah, Pharrell, man. I think that guy's got a brain like nobody else. Yeah. Yeah, the synesthesia. And he's so old and he hasn't aged. I saw him in a restaurant once. Did you?

Yeah. Whoa. It was weird. What restaurant were both you and Pharrell at? Arby's. The one the Comedy Central executives pick when we're talking about a show. Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Arby's. Yeah. Arby's. They got the meats. It was when he was wearing that hat and they let him eat there for right. Yeah, yeah. Arby's. They got the meats. It was when he was wearing that hat and they let him eat there for free. It wasn't Arby's ass hat.

Great pick, Sean Jordan. I'm going to pick for my last pick, I'm going to pick somebody named Sean Malto, who's my current favorite skateboarder and he has all of the sponsors that I would want. He has amazing life. He skates for Nike and Girl, Spitfire. I mean sponsors that I would want. What are those sponsors? Ice skates for Nike and girl. Spitfire.

That's about it. Thunder. That's all I need. All the Nike I want. All the girl I want. All the Spitfire I want. That's all I look to do. You pretty much do get all the Spitfire you want. Shout out to Andy Pitts. Shout out to Kevin O'Brien again. Sorry I forgot about him. Sean still lives in Kansas City which is like he lives at home But he Kevin O'Brien again. So, so, uh,

Sean still lives in Kansas city, which is like, I love that. He lives at home, but he's, he made it. He did it. He did that thing that none of us can do or want or what?

But people were there like, you have to leave your home and move to LA or New York. I think you made it. We all did. I mean, this is, you know, of course we did,

but he did the thing where he can live in his hometown and still do what he wants to do, which is fucking crazy. That's amazing. Nobody can do that shit where he can live in his hometown and still do what he wants to do, which is fucking crazy. That's amazing. Nobody can do that shit. Nobody can live in Kansas City. Adam Caden Holland did it. Yeah, yeah.

He could knock out those cakey thick flips too. Yeah. He's so good. Best nollie flip in the game. Really? Best hard flip in the game. Best Gersh grind. Oh my God, he's bananas.

God, I love this. Gersh grind? Yeah, so this dude, Gershon Mosley back in the day. Oh, Gershon Mosley. Used to do backside nose grinds, but they were tweaked out like a frontside crooked grind So everyone calls them Gersh grinds

And Sean Malto kills them We know what all that stuff is Donovan does I forgot that it was tweaked out though I thought it was a backside nose I had the same problem Oh no it's tweaked out I thought it was like a Smith grind

No That's where your back truck is on and your front truck is dipped down On the side of the lift Oh no, it's tweaked out. I thought it was like a Smith grind. No. That's where your back truck is on and your front truck's dipped down on the side of the lift. It's not tweaked out. It's actually twacked in. It's twacked in. If you want to be very specific. Cakey thick flips.

Sean Malto. Can I just say, it was so impressive. I saw Sean talking to Adam last night. Something about, because Sean, I didn't realize when you talked to us about skateboarding, how diluted it is. Like when you were talking to Adam, you were like, oh yeah, I mean, he hit the salad, but then he BS'd out. And then he came with the Toric, you know, side cushion, pinged the airbags.

My man was singing like China. What am I, what am I, sewing lemonade over here? Yeah, that's how it was. And I was like, I was like,

oh gosh, when he talks to us, we might, we're so dumb. Yeah. And we don't even follow that. Yeah. Tell Ian what that gal said to you last night.

Oh yeah. So, um, there were two people at the show and the dude list, shout out, whoever came up to me after the show, this isn't meant to be mean. This is just funny.

This is what happened. I was kind of mean. I don't know what she said. She comes up and she's like, that show was so good. I don't really listen to the podcast. My husband partner does. Yeah. And she goes, just from what I gather though, you're kind of the dumb one.

Oh boy. And I was like, I see where you're going. Oh man. I get it. I'm like. You're so mean. That's crazy. I'm a stranger. You. Oh, man. I get it. I'm like, that's crazy. I'm a stranger. I'm a stranger.

I like from what I gather. Like, I took the room tone. I really, I. Context clues. What are David and I? Because I didn't know what the Porsche was. I mean, that was the main dumb thing from last night. I think people think I'm just like in an alley setting off fireworks.

We were talking about this. I think everybody thinks you're the only complete person. Yeah, I think so too. That's ever been on this show. Ian is such a good Admiral guy. David is probably somewhere kicking an animal. David's telling bootleg alligators. Trying to find a butterfly knife that will stay on fire.

Like, I don't think, I think they think only Ian has felt true love. Sean starved to death because he couldn't open a bag of chips. I'm out there screaming, where's the microwave in the middle of the football field? He just saw a can of Pringles and was like, that's not chips. He's like, I can't eat those because that guy has a mustache on the can and I don't. So these are for a guy with a mustache. God, I'm dumb.

Sean forgot to breathe. Apparently she's the one in her relationship without manners. Sean's freaking out. He forgot how to close his eyes. He's been weird all day. He's got a fork in his arm. He's wearing his shoes on the wrong feet. He's fucking up. He calls socks mittens for my feet. I mean, that's what they are. People wear condoms and socks. Shane, what's your final pick? Oh, it's really up in the air between two.

Two fake things or things that aren't actual. If only you had a couple of shitty picks you could have not made. All right. Oh, the director of national intelligence. That had a couple of shitty picks you could have not made. All right. Oh, the director of national intelligence. That's a great pick. I will be borne out. David Miscavige was a great pick. That was, yeah.

All right. Oh, boy. It's between. I'm going to go with Rip Torn, a young Rip Torn. Yeah. I just feel like you guys were planning on being quiet no matter what right now, and I don't like it trying to remember which one's Rip Torn

he's the guy from the Larry Sanders show oh yeah that'd be fun wasn't he up with some wild shit back then oh he was like a hippie right he got in a fight with the director at some movie like one of his first movies and bit his ear like he was crazy like he would always bring guns to set and stuff

that's tight. Gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta be a wild motherfucker. I forget how wild you are, Shane. And then you make pics. And I'm like, oh yeah, he's got that bandit blood. Yeah, yeah. You have the spirit of the untamed West in you.

He's half Comanche, you know that, Shane. Dennis Hopper threatened him with a knife On the set of Easy Rider or something like that Oh, he is from Texas Dennis Hopper was fucking crazy He hit Norman Mailer with a hammer Are you serious? I've always wanted to know that feeling

He drunkenly broke into a bank Thinking it was his home When he was 79 That was not a long time ago Tight, dude thinking it was his home when he was 79. That just, that was like not a long time ago. Tight, dude. Yeah, Rip Torn.

That'd be fun. That's a good one. I feel like when he died, he was like, I'm ready to go. And then it just happened. Just take me. Yeah.

Dug his own grave and then fell into it. Yeah, on to the next one. Like Christian Bale doing pushups and then the Batman begins. That was on earlier. I just want to Google young Rip Torn. That's different from a poor search. That sounds like something I Googled

on the Uber ride in Chicago. All right, time for my final pick. Let's hear it. And this is one where I did some research for it. There's a man named Travers Bainon. Can we all guess what he does? Travers Bainon. Yeah, go ahead.

You first, Shoddy. Is he the real life Cobra Commander? No. Okay. Good guess. I don't know, but I feel like he lives in Glendale too. No, he doesn't. Does he develop flavors for breakfast cereal?

That's the closest, but no. Okay. Is he the guy who came up with the candy bar creamers? It's weird. They call him the candy man. He is an Australian billionaire playboy. Yeah. A former model and an Australian tobacco tycoon.

Oh, that Travers, babe. Who hosts extravagant pool parties with bikini-clad babes. Is this off his Wikipedia? Did he write it himself? He's a fitness junkie, and maybe he's not quite a billionaire, but he's a 250 millionaire. Okay, that's the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? It basically is. And he's, like, gorgeous. How do I spell his name? Let me see that. I gotta look this guy up. Travers? Yeah, so you're just gonna have a day

where you just get it done. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he's like a fucking hunk. He's a former model who's like a multi, multi, multimillionaire. I love. He's like a fucking hunk. He's a former model who's like a multi, multi, multimillionaire. I love that. He's a fucking hunk. He's a hunk.

I was just laying there, and I was like, I Googled. I was like, I would love to be a billionaire playboy. So I just Googled billionaire playboys, and he was on this list. Man. That is fantastic. And he's fucking Australian. So it would also be fun to be Australian for a day. Wink at people and say something cute.

Give us a butchers at your fanny. Alright, alright, alright. Let's get butchers at your fanny. Alright, alright, alright. Alright, alright, alright. Let's get butchers at your fanny. Alright. Good God, this man is striking.

Let me see him. Let me see him, please. Dude. He looks like Razor Ramon kinda and also who is that guy Renegade Lorenzo Lamas

he looks like Lorenzo Lamas I'm just driving around in like a Bugatti Veyron winking at people throwing money just fucking money at people like it hurts but then they pick it up and it's like oh sweet $250,000 I just think it would be tight to be a billionaire playboy 250 millionaire bro that's gnarly um and like because i'm only here for one day it doesn't really bother me that

he made that money off tobacco what do i give a fuck i'm him for one day you know this guy looks like cologne yeah he does look like he does you know this guy's favorite movie is 300 is it for sure oh yeah just i can feel it yeah yeah yeah just like he was he played all of those guys yeah he knows salt bay you know like pretty well so that wraps it up that's the final pick of the draft you did you like we all got to pick dead people, and you still fucking nailed it with picking all the live people. Yeah, live people and current day live people. Yeah.

I think I had a pretty good draft. Yeah, I agree. David, you went first. You took Oprah, Diddy, Eddie Murphy, LeBron James, and Pharrell. God, that's tough. Sean, you went second. You took Whitney Houston, Neil Armstrong, Axl Rose, Alan Eustace, and Sean Malto. Yep.

This is going to make me laugh so much. Two people from all of history had been picked. That's it. You were the third pick. And only Oprah and Whitneyston had been selected and you took david miscavige famous for having a wife who's been disappeared and then disappeared as a and then you took the fake avril lavigne you took somebody who predicated on a conspiracy there you took the fake Avril Lavigne. You took somebody who predicated on a conspiracy there.

You took the fake Avril Lavigne and then any bride on her wedding day, which is maybe the funniest pick anyone's ever made. And then Johnny football. And then the young rip torn. That's a solid squad right there. It is a solid squad. You guys, that's a lot of matchup problems

it is you're like the Orlando Magic you're throwing like five fucking centers out there we need Phil Jackson to manage these egos I took Usain Bolt Meryl Streep Bono director of national

intelligence Joseph Maguire and then the candy man himself Director of National Intelligence, Joseph McGuire. And then the Candyman himself, Travers Bainon. This is so tight. Australian playboy billionaire, the Candyman himself, Travers Bainon. We left a lot of good pics on the board.

Adele would have been fun for a day. I had her because we have the same birthday, so I feel like we have similar vibes. You probably already got the same vibe. You do have similar vibes. You could be like a funny British woman who can just blow the doors off a building with his voice. Going off of memories, just that stuck to me was where Robert De Niro would be fun. Just like so you could be like, man, what a good life I've had.

I had Michelle Obama. I had Lizzo. Lizzo would be fun've had. I had Michelle Obama. Oh, I had Lizzo. Lizzo would be fun right now. I had Timberlake. Yeah, me too. Timberlake would be tight. The head of the Illuminati.

The head of the Illuminati? Yeah. I don't know who that would be, so I didn't. That's why I was on board. Didn't stop you during the actual draft. That's true. He picked a man named Travers Bainon. I don't...

A real man. A real man. I Travers Bainon. I don't... A real man. A real man. I think that pick speaks for itself. I don't really... So does a bride on her wedding day. I don't know, brother. It's my day.

He's a billionaire playboy. People call him the Candyman, Doc. Good pick. I love that. Didn't they say, wasn't Eric Ola Wakandi the Candyman, too? Well, yeah, but that's a different... That's a different kind of Candyman. That's an echo wafers.

I also had Ivan Carmel, because I want to know the thought process. Oh, yeah, I would love to know that, too. I think it's A to B. There's no zigs or zags. As a crow flies. I think that is a, I don't think there's a lot of traffic. I think that's brain to mouth. Pretty clear thoroughfare.

Both. It's like he's always leaving for the airport at 4 a.m. It's kind of a hyperloop between the brain and the mouth. It's a bullet train. God. Uh, Aaron, Aaron Gordon.

Speaking of the Orlando magic, the guy, uh, I w when he dunked over that mascot. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like that would over that mascot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that would have been tight. Richard Branson would be fun. Just like, you know.

I had Branson. On Necker Island. Hofthor Bjornsson. Oh, is that the guy that moved the tree? The guy who plays the mountain? Yeah. That guy. He's like, just to be like 6'8", the world's strongest man.

Yeah, that would be fun. God, just going into a bar and being like, what? Well, that's already pretty close to you, Ian. Well, thank you very much. There was another guy when I was looking up billionaire ploy boys, Lapo Elkan, who's the heir to the Fiat fortune. Just kind of a man about town. But then I found out he got arrested.

He was found bound and gagged in a hotel room with a prostitute. Yeah, pick him. I don't know. But is that illegal now?itute? Yeah, pick him. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, but is that illegal now? Where he was, it was. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, the prostitute part. Yeah, yeah. He was on, like, a lot of cocaine. Oh, he pulled a Marvin. I heard the scenario. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I'm going to go with the candy man instead. Who's not on cocaine? Who's not on cocaine?

The billionaire Australian playboy who does no cocaine. Who's on a reasonable amount of cocaine. Just not enough to put you into a coma like that other guy. Ted Haggard. Who's that? He's that disgraced minister from Denver. Oh, you want to be him? Yeah, I think that'd be an interesting one.

I guess so. You are chilling so hard. Yeah, buddy. It's my bed. The draft is done. He's chilling. I'm just waiting on a shaklakity, and I'm going to put this mic down. Well, we want to hear your picks as well, so make sure you send them in at allfantasypod

on Twitter. Be nice to me. Don't be nice to Shane. Be exactly what you think he deserves. Buy his album. Establish 19-18. Based on these picks. They're good picks.

There's a good pick. There's a good pick. Riptorn's good. Riptorn's great. Annie Bright on her wedding day that's okay you had two pretty good picks David Miscavige I'm gonna know stuff

are you just gonna say your whole list again yes I am I'm gonna stick to it you're gonna name the fake ones again send us yours shout out to Avril Lavigne impersonator

shout out to everyone on the AFU Patreon thank you so much for rocking with us we'll have some new content out for you soon shout out to the AFU subreddit shout out to super producer Marissa.

We love you. Shout out to Stu's days with mommy. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Windbreakers. It's about that time of year. Shout out to me wearing shorts tonight for the show.

Shout out to that. I'm wearing shorts too. I'm wearing my pants in the show. Shout out to that. I was going to ask you guys. I'm wearing my pants as it stands right now. It got cold last night though. Oh, it did. Yeah, but I'm going to get hot. I'm going to be drinking. I'm going to be heating up. Oh, that's true. Shout out to... We're starting at seven tonight. Shout out to Denver. I got a show at eleven

tonight, dude. I don't know if I'm going to make it. Yeah, you're doing Grawlix, right? Yeah, I'm supposed to. You'll make it. Where is that show? It's at Three Kings. Okay, tight. Yeah, I'll make it. I'll be i'll be yeah you got it uh shout out to just like like misty mornings shout out to every single person who has walked up to me and said i hope your mom's doing better yeah man that happened like 10 times last night shout out to everybody with all that shit's fantastic shout out to you three love you all to pete i just get mad emotional all of a sudden yeah we still gotta do a live one man hold it in i'll start crying you get someone like someone comes up last night they Love you all to Pete. I just get mad emotional all of a sudden. Yeah. We still got to do a live one, man.

Hold it in. I'll start crying. You get someone like someone comes up last night. They go, I'm coming tomorrow. I'll bring a box of tissues. And I go, please do. Yeah. It's going to be tight.

Shout out to the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. Shout out to Emmy and Emmy and Carmel. Why shout out to them, Ian? Huh? Well, they know. They know what they did. Yeah. They slummed it this year.

And more important than all of that, we beat Beyonce, dude. That's crazy. Tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Chicago! that was a hate gun podcast