All Fantasy Everything - Scariest Fictional Characters (w/ Joe Kwaczala, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: October 31, 2019

Halloween podcast, spooky, scary - thoughts becoming words, words becoming pods. The GVG is joined by standup comedian and good time guy Joe Kwaczala to draft the scariest fictional characters!Check out Joe Kwaczala's Comedy Central half hour special on Friday, Nov 8th.Episode Guest:Joe Kwaczala @joekjoek IG: @joekwaSupport the show!All Fantasy Everything is nominated for Discover Pods' Best Comedy Podcast award! Support the show by casting your vote here until Nov 18th: https://awards.discoverpods.com/2019-discover-pods-awards-finalists/Sponsors:Eight Sleep: Get $150 off when you go to eightsleep.com/allfantasy.Manscaped: Get 20% off and free shipping with the code ALLFANTASY at Manscaped.com. Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. There it is. The podcast that was discussing goings-on just before you tuned in to join us. Political and otherwise. Yeah, pop culture and otherwise. That's the case. Well, heck, we're here in the Fortress of Solitudes.

Heck. For G's and Crow's sake. For G's D's. For gosh darn it. For cheese and rice. For Galdurn. For Galdurn. I don't got any.

I curse. I just ate my controlled portion 300 calorie meal, and I am unsatisfied. I just ate a Jersey Mike's. It looked so fucking good. It was really good. God, I love New Jersey Michaels. I had a Boar's Head sandwich from Ralph's. He did. We bought a grocery store sandwich. Why are you doing this to yourself?

Joe, you can talk whenever, by the way. I put a leftover salad into an omelet that I made. Damn! That's a good idea. Was it like a Greek salad at least or something like that? It was like a kale peppery tomato salad.

It worked. I see the vision. It ended up working. Yeah. Put some string cheese in there. Melt it nicely on top. Oh, you just ate some string cheese. I did.

I had some string cheese too. Was that part of the controlled experiment or whatever? No, this was me trying to mitigate the dissatisfaction I felt. I see. This was supplemental. Yeah. This was like, mother fucks.

I'm like not in a terrible mood. The entire podcast. All right. What's your fucking pick? Yeah, no, I feel like the smallest amount of chicken breast you've ever seen. You got small titties.

You got small titties. That's small titty chicken breast. A teaspoon of chicken breast. A teaspoon of titty makes the chicken go down. What? Say that again. What'd you say? A teaspoon of titty makes the chicken go down. What? What did you say? A teaspoon of titty and then I just did Oh, I said a teaspoon of titty makes the

chicken go down. Yeah, you've heard that before, Sean. You know the same. Common. It's a nursery rhyme. Yeah, it's a nursery rhyme. From school. The Brothers Grimm. Sean S. Jordan is in the Fortress of Solitude tweaking dials right now.

You know. Trying to crack the code. Over here in the lab. He's a dial tweaker from way back. Popping that safe. Sewing copper wire. Over here in the lab just cooking up some marvelous shit to make your mouth water. There it is. Are those ones and twos? Yeah, yeah. Those are ones and twos. There's a three and a four on there too, but we don't touch those. Of course not.

We don't touch. They all get touched. Yeah, you do touch the three and fours. Yeah, I touch the ones, the twos, the threes. Robot nipples, that's what I call them. It's another nursery rhyme. Do robots have nipples? Is that an Isaac Asimov? Do robots have nipples?

It's a robot stream of nipples. Seanist Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Seen a lot of those. A lot of those. Copycat killers. What do you got coming up? What can we tell the people about?

Just the same nothing. Listen to this. I can tell you about a lot of shit. Lose Change, Zeitgeist. Some documentaries you need to watch. Go in there and change your life. Zeitgeist 2. Zeitgeist 3, bruv. We watched Zeitgeist 1 and 2.

It's been a long weekend. We did. Was I stoned? I feel like I was. Should have been. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I was. No, don't watch those. I have an album called The Buck Starts here.

Please acquire that. Purchase it if you would like. Stream it. Do whatever. Got to. And, you know, be cool. Be cool to each other. Be cool out there.

Be excellent to each other. Be excellent to each other. Be well. Like a turquoise mom. Yeah, just be cool be cool to each other be cool out there be excellent to each other be excellent to each other be well yeah like a turquoise mom yeah just be cool dude I would love if like later in life

maybe like in the next 15 years you start getting really into turquoise it's gonna start with like a slide tie yeah and then it's gonna be

like a belt buckle like a bow tie then it's gonna be you're gonna call it your yellow tie though yeah yeah elbow people is turquoise expensive?

The lifestyle is. Yeah. It really was at a loss. I bet you could go to Marshall's and find some turquoise. The lifestyle is expensive. No way. You got to get a place in New Mexico. Yeah, you got to Santa Fe. Yeah.

And you really got to set up a whole new situation for yourself. Right. Yeah, I feel like I got to burn a different kind of incense. The wind chime overhead is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to get different wind chimes than a lot of them. I feel like I need one of those coats that's also a blanket. Yeah, that's the thing.

Yeah, absolutely. I'll say it, Jones. I need to say adobe way more. Yeah, adobe, adobo. Yeah, adomian. Topaz. You got to get some hats that are really going to make old you angry. I just realized when you said that that I thought that turquoise was Topaz.

Could be. For all I know as well. What is Topaz? Isn't Topaz just like... Turquoise is that, for lack of a better word, turquoise colored mineral. Yeah.

Like a blue. Well, like a green blue. Topaz is like an old... You might call it turquoise. Yeah. Is Topaz just a different mineral? That's like a different, like same kind of Southwestern? So that's turquoise. That's turquoise right Yeah. Topaz is just a different mineral. That's like a different, like same kind of Southwestern.

So that's turquoise. That's turquoise right there. Now look up Topaz. Topaz is this dude. It might not be. Topaz can be all sorts of colors. Okay. Okay.

Of course, because it's a silicate mineral of aluminum and fluorine with a chemical formula, aluminum two, silicon, oxygen four. Not even I was thinking.

Didn't even look it up. That's what I was thinking initially. Duh. It's the November mineral. This was off the top of the dome. It's the November? The November Mineral. What's your mineral? It's my forthcoming novel. You and Grisham

teamed up. John Grisham and Ian Carmel. I've been waiting for this! The November Mineral. He's been dead for 20 years. I'm still writing books with him. Oh, that's tight. You said it's only going to be in airports. Only in airports?

Yeah, yeah. It's the only place you can buy it. But literally every airport. Oh, yeah. Every single one of them. That's right. Not only is Sean Jordan here, for gosh sake, because he faded every Friday at MidCity Arts Center.

Yeah. In the ocean. It's in the ocean. Northern San Diego. Northern San Diego. Some people call it MidCity Los Angeles. Yeah. We're also joined by Joe Quasala in the ocean. Northern San Diego. Northern San Diego. Some people call it mid-city Los Angeles. Yeah. We're also joined by Joe Quisala in the fortress today.

Hello. Hi. Happy to be here. Thanks for coming. We set this up. This is a quick turn. Yeah, I'm impressed how quickly we could make this happen. That's really how we do all our business.

Hell yeah. Real quick. We only book other podcast guests in the middle of a previous podcast. So it's hectic. Well, I timed this perfectly. You really did. The reason you hit us up is auspicious and wonderful. Why don't you tell the people? Tell them. I have

a Comedy Central half-hour special coming out very soon. November 8th. Friday, November 8th, 11pm Eastern. And that's coming up soon so I gotta make those podcast rounds you gotta make the rounds you know I gotta make the rounds

Chapo Trap House Come Town yeah I try to do shows that don't have guests typically I'm trying to get on Radiolab just like chiming in every once in a while you should do a This American Life

the Dissect podcast on Frank Ocean yeah I think it's I'm getting in on Bill Burr's podcast Monday morning I'm like hey Bill and he's like could you get out of here my man the Burr double B loves it he loves it he's affable

and enjoys company he would love me he would love it He loves it. He loves it. He's affable and enjoys company. Yeah. He would love me. He would love it. That's amazing. So it's going to be November 8th on Comedy Central. Yes, correct. 11 p.m. Eastern. Yes.

And that's a Friday. Have yourselves a little party. Have yourselves a little watch party. And you know what? We did it when Shane Torres had his. Yes, we did. And it was so fun. And it was so fun.

And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun.

And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And it was so fun. And if you're listening, set your damn DVR.

Set that DVR, bitch. Friggin' watch it. You stupid assholes. Motherfucker. You're not my real dad, Jeremy. Set the motherfucking thing. Set that DVR, bitch. Friggin' watch it, you stupid assholes. You're not my real dad, Jeremy. How about that? My dad's in prison. You creeps. You wouldn't know what the fuck to do in prison, but my dad does.

He's thriving. My dad's thriving in prison. Okay? His sleep apnea is gone. It's gone. It has changed his life. You've never come back. He knows how to fix toasters now.

He can make license plates. Can you do that? What else can people fuck with you? Oh, I have a... Joe K. Joe K. on Twitter. Joe K. Joe K. on Twitter. At Joe Kwa. J-O-E-K-W-A on Instagram.

There it is. And they can also... I've got a weird podcast about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yes. Called Who Cares About the Rock Hall? Acknowledging that nobody cares about this institution, but I do. Yeah. And really it's a, it's a show, if you like music, you can listen to, but we kind of look at things through the lens of this strange thing that is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The weird electoral body. Yeah. Yes. It's, it's a very strange thing that is the rock and roll hall of fame. A weird electoral body. Yes. It's, it's a very strange thing. And right now is like the nominations just came out. It is like, we are in like the thick of it in terms of the rock hall meeting anything.

So did you know they let tour buses park there because they rock? What? No, that's true. They let tour buses. Well, like if the vans are rocking? I don't know.

Cause you were full of beans on the previous. It's hard to park a tour bus. But like if you're in, if you're in Cleveland and you got a tour and you're on tour, they'll let they'll let your bus park there. Oh, well, that's a nice service that they do for the city. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, you know, I have that. That information you mean? Yeah. Ian's gone and I'm scared. I'm going to be honest. Does he do this often just gets up and leaves he's not gonna be bad i'll just roll the dice okay uh is there anybody quest like anyone getting in this year where you're like i don't know about well we don't

know who's getting in yet okay so we have the list of nominees any moms where you're like the ballot yes dave matthews band is on the ballot and i don't think they should be as wild as hell that guy scats right oh i mean yeah he does a lot like he was a big deal he was a big deal but if you also look at the other names on that list where it's like notorious big whitney houston t-rex what uh you're like oh we're not no now is not the time for dave matthews like there, you have to wait a little bit. He just became eligible last year. He's not like first few years eligibility. How old is Dave Matthews?

He has probably got to be around 50. So to bring you up to speed. Yeah. Dave Matthews is on the inductee list, or the ballot. On the ballot. The nominee list for the Rock Hall of Fame this year. So do they go from like,

do they consider when you made your seminal work? It's no, what it is, it's 25 years after your first released recording, no matter what it was. Okay. You know, so it could be a single, it could be an EP, it could be a record.

So Dave and Biggie released their shit in the same year. Actually, Dave is one year ahead of him. His first release is like some weird live album but then Ready to Die was 94 did I see people were mad because Biggie didn't get nominated or something? No no no he got nominated so it's a first year eligible

so he might be what we call an FYE first year eligible gets right into the Hall of Fame immediately yeah I mean he exploded out of the cannon no reason that he shouldn't. Yeah, and Tupac was a few years ago. Yeah. Oh, they may have to make Biggie.

Yeah. That's a statement. Otherwise, it's starting to boil back up again. Then we've got to kill New York. I already feel the old flames. They're rekindling. Yeah, the winds of change. But I suspect Biggie will get in this year.

It would be shocking. Who else is on there? Biggie? Dave Matthews? will get in this year. It would be shocking. Who else is on there? Biggie? Dave Matthews? On the list this year, let's see if I can do all 16. Okay. Todd Rundgren. All right.

Rufus and Chaka Khan. Yes. MC5. Whoa. Kraftwerk. Soundgarden. I like Kraftwerk. Nine Inch Nails.

Judas Priest. Notorious B.I.G. Whitney Houston. T-Rex. Thin Lizzy, Motorhead, Dave Matthews Band, Pat Benatar, and a few, the Doobie Brothers. Whoa, they're not in yet? They're not in yet. Whitney Houston's not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? I know, so that's the thing about the hall. Yeah, it feels like there's stiff competition.

Whitney's got to be in, right? How many people get in? Five to six. Out of all them? Yeah, out of 16. Well, how many times has Whitney been, sorry, how many times has she been nominated? Whitney's never been nominated.

This is Whitney's first nomination. What in the world? Yeah, right. And she's been eligible for about 10 years. Because it's not rock and roll? That might be why. I mean, it's still rock and roll to be. Yeah, good point, right?

But the thing is, yeah, their definition, I mean, Donna Summer's in. So like their definition of rock and roll is pretty expansive. Yeah, like Otis Redding or somebody in there? What is their definition of rock and roll? It's basically anything that the youth are listening to. Okay. Devil music.

Yeah. I mean, if Kraftwerk's on the ballot, you know. Yeah, I'm into it. Yeah, Kraftwerk rules. They're maybe the biggest snub if you think about influence. Massively, right? There's no electronic music and pop

without Kraftwerk. Like, they really set the stage for that. This shit is earnestly fascinating. Yeah. So it's called Who Cares About the Rock Hall? Yeah. I do now.

Yeah. That's the thing. Three minutes ago. People come in and they're's called who, who cares about the rock hall? Yeah, I do now. Yeah, I did. That's the thing is three minutes ago, people, people come in and they're like, Oh, who cares? But you could talk about this shit for hours. And we do.

Yeah. That's fascinating. Tune in, tune in, tune in, tune in. Uh, training university.

Uh, that's fucking awesome. Uh, so listen to check out the special on November 8th. Correct. Comedy Central. Listen to who cares about the rock hall. Uh, anything Central. Listen to Who Cares About the Rock Hall. Zing.

Anything else? Any live shows or anything? Yeah. The week of your comedy center. I'm at the Pottawatomie Casino in Milwaukee on November 9th. Pottawatomie. Pottawatomie. And specifically the comedy club inside the casino, which is called Bonkers.

Yes. With a Z. You know it's with a, which is called Bonkers. Yes. With a Z. You know it's with a Z. Tell me Bonkers has a Z on it. Potawatomi sounds like an old drunk hobo saying pardon me, like trying to... Potawatomi. It's an old British guy.

Potawatomi. Potawatomi. You know, I could find it. Potawatomi. That's your first 15 minutes, you know. Takes the heat right off. Guaranteed laughs. Like, boo, we love it.

You're making fun of our treasure. We're trying to honor the native people's contribution to this land. You're being disrespectful. That's just not bonkers material. That's always the kind of stuff they say at local casinos We here at bonkers do not settle for that type of insensitive comment Take that shit to the

Sunset Strip Mr. Hollywood you're in bonkers now This is bonk country The G is silent The David is boring The Cool Guy Jokes is 87. The Cool Guy Jokes was born in a year. Uh, my man, how are you doing?

I'm great. I'm just coming off a big birthday. Yeah. Oh, and this drops. No. Wait, no, you're not. No, I just said it. I was like, man.

It just felt funny to say it. Yeah, it's just someone else's birthday. That is a funny thing. It's just like a funny thing to say. Coming off a big birthday. Coming off a big birthday. Huge birthday. No, my birthday is Cinco de Mayo.

Baby got a big birthday. Yeah. Big birthday. Yeah, your birthday is Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, party baby. Yeah. That's why I love tequila. You are a party baby.

I'm a party baby. I was, like some people, like I'm like Bane of parties. Yeah. I was born on a party. Yeah. I love tequila. You think tequila is your ally? You have my permission to party.

Poopoo peepee. I didn't have any good quotes. Didn't have any hot bait quotes. No, that worked. When in doubt, say poopoo peepee. I think that's a good strategy. That's a good idea. Poopoo peepee.

Poopoo peepee. Poopoo peepee. Poopoo peepee. poo poo pee pee poo poo pee pee I'm a professional comedian allegedly collective age of over 100 in here so you've also got a comedy central half hour special where people can see more poo poo pee pee material you open and close

you open with poo poo and you close with pee pee you guys gotta understand the problem is in my head material. You open and close with poopoo and you close with peepee, right? The problem is in my head, I only want to say poopoo peepee right now. You really do think of yourself as a poopoo peepee comedian. That's what I think is funny. I got jokes about adjusting to

life or whatever. About the human condition or whatever the fuck. But in my heart, it's all poopoo peepee. That's what the doctor said. about the human condition or whatever the fuck. But like in my heart, it's all poo-poo. Yeah. That's what the doctor said. Oh, David, I hate to break it to you, but your heart is entirely full of poo-poo

and are you sitting down? Pee-pee. We also found some caca in there. Oh, man. No reason to be concerned yet, but we do want to keep an eye on it. He's flipping the chart. There's doo-doo.

Your pee-pee levels are off the charts. Don't get me started on your poo-poo. A poo-poo sample, if you could. You'll be opening for Eric Andre where exactly? When this comes out, we are in Tampa. We're in Miami and then Tampa this weekend. Beautiful. Yeah. So, you know, ericandretour.com

for that. Keep an eye out. Yeah. And, you know, look out for detox. Look out for detox. And, you know, poo-poo pee-pee milk milk lemonade. Yeah. Around the corner. New website? Yeah. Around the corner. Around the corner.com.com you know that whole rhyme is like a uh it would be like an advertisement

for like a really fun like farm that you got that does like a pumpkin patch you know what i mean like milk milk and then a lemonade around the corner fun is made around the corner well they make fudge it's like a they can literally make you make our own fudge here and then fudge here. It's not about your nipples, penis, and anus? It could be, but I'm saying it would also describe a very whimsical farm situation. Yeah, just like a small town. Yeah, we do apple picking. Come on down to Tillamook, Oregon. Milk, milk, lemonade

around the corner. Jesus, man. Yeah, exactly. I went to... You shit cheese? I went to two pumpkin patches the other day. In the same day. You don't think I'm doing that? patches the other day. In the same day. Was it a problem with the first one? What happened? The second one had cider donuts.

I've never had a cider donut. So I went to a second location to get a dozen cider donuts. How was it? Amazing. Yeah, it sounds great. It was really good. First one had a maze. Had a dark maze too.

It was just a pitch black maze for kids. They're just kind of fumbling around. Did you pick a... I picked a pumpkin, yeah. Did you pick a pumpkin? Uh-huh. At the patch. Do you cut it off? You get a bird or an Ernie. What'd you do?

Which one's the flatter? Ernie. Ernie. I got an Ernie. There you go. Yeah. I'm going to carve a skateboard into it probably. Righteous. Yeah.

It's pretty riveting stuff. You fly down with it or what? Are you flying back up to do it? Yeah? are you flying back up to do it? you didn't fly down here with a pumpkin? I didn't fly down here with a pumpkin I mean I don't have a pumpkin case to put it in as I look over at the Emmy case don't look at the Emmy

I know I have a pumpkin in the Emmy case don't look at the fucking Emmy there's a pumpkin in there I am Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter at Ian Carmel on Twitter at Ian Carmel on Instagram at Ian Carmel on Jewish I feel like I've done all of them

at this point Jewish E's the marijuana delivery app have you done Jewish E-Trade no fuck no that's just E-Trade my friends that's just no-Trade, my friends. No moniker necessary. Hey.

Hey, oh, hey. What are we at? Bonkers? That'll fly at Bonkers. That'll cook. They will love it. You throw that in the pan, you got a fajita going. That dog will hunt all the way to Bonkers, my friend. Absolutely. What do I got coming up friend absolutely nothing it remains nothing watch the late late show on CBS

watch some other stuff on CBS just stay tuned to CBS it may be announced by this point but if it's not just keep an eye out I'm going to kill David Letterman on live television wow your childhood dream yeah I saw it coming they say don't meet your heroes

they say definitely don't kill your heroes they say that but like you, fucking November 14th. We are gathered here today. Not only to talk about pee-pee-poo-poo or caca, if it gets there, but also... Oh, it's going to go caca. Yeah, it's going to get there. To draft the scariest fictional characters we can think of. That we can think of now.

There's probably others. That occurred to us. That occurred to us in the intervening time between deciding on a theme. This was, of course, suggested by the loyal Patreon members. Thank you so much. Thank you for your Patreonage and for your wonderful idea. Thank you.

Overwhelmingly voted this one. It's pronounced Patronus. Patronus. Now, the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I win. Sean wins. Because he's got the unique one. I see. I saw two rocks and a scissor, and then I heard scissor one, and I almost walked out. I mean, it's just odd personnel. I mean, in this world where everything's topsy-turvy as it is, what with all the goings on. I mean, I mean, it's just odd person. I mean, in this, in this world where everything's topsy turvy as it is, what with all the goings on,

I mean, political and otherwise political and otherwise you said it, brother frigging feel like, I feel like frigging two rocks and lose the scissors in this political climate. And he can't even say anything about it. Uh, um,

yeah. So, uh, Sean, you won. Congratulations. First of all, I'm so proud of won. Congratulations, first of all. I'm so proud of you. Incredible.

Thank you. I feel like this is the start of a big weekend for you. Yeah, it is. Is that great? Yeah. Well, David's hating on it, but that's okay, man. David's a hate motherfucker. You know what I mean?

You need the pot. That's us. You need the fire under it, too. Now you make the spaghetti. Bubble, baby, bubble. What will the order have? Oh, yeah, having won, what will the order have oh yeah having one what will the order of the draft be but before you say what it is i need to remind you it is a serpentine draft and

what is that that's a great question yeah well it's kind of like if you have to go if you have to go if you go poo-poo and then and then you afterwards you have to go pee-pee and you're like you think you're done going pee-pee but you do you have a little more pee pee left in there so you do a little more pee pee and then you have to go poo poo again and this really doesn't seem like a good explanation when you do when you when you do when you do the poo poo you think you're done with the poo poo but you're like there's a little more poo poo in there so you go poo poo and then you stand up and you're like before i leave the bathroom i actually have to pee pee again this is is terrible. This is awful. This example one doesn't apply

and two doesn't make any sense because how can you poo poo without also pee peeing? Depends on what part of the country you're from. It makes perfect sense. It makes sense in Australia because someone trying to poo poo without

peeing is crazy. What are you saying? That's what you were suggesting? That's out of what you were suggesting. That's out of control. You're off your damn rocker. I spun off the planet, Joe. I don't know what's going on. You're a straight bonkers. You're a rip shit bonkers.

Rip shit bonkers. Right now. Basically, if you rip shit bonkers. If you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. It's not all that rip shit bonkers. If you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Yeah. It's not all that rip shit bonkers. Yeah. Oh, man.

But then the P goes back into you, wee wee. You have to suck the PB back up. My God. Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? David, Joe, myself, Ian. Well, all right. Hot corner. All right.

Here we go. Fantastic. So it goes David, Joe, Sean, Ian. With the first pick, David, you, Ian. Well, all right. Hot corner. All right, here we go. Fantastic. So it goes David, Joe, Sean, Ian. With the first pick, David, you have it. But before you get to it, let's take a short break. Okay. This episode of All Fantasy Everything

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David, you have the number one pick in the scariest fictional characters we could think of. All fantasy, everything draft. You are now on the clock. I've been scared of this man since I was a little boy, back when I used to poo-poo and pee-pee in my diapy. Okay. I was going to say, you still do that.

I hope you still do, but the diapy. You're going to do that forever. The diapy. Back when I used to poo-poo and pee-pee. Back when I used to poo-poo and pee-pee. I've quit one. You'll find out later. Oh, yeah.

No, I haven't taken a dump since 08. My God. I'm impressed. Oh yeah, no, I haven't taken a dump since 08. My God. I'm impressed. Obama's president? With the economy, my butthole went out of business. I was like, it's not going to get any better than this. Cut my dumps off. We're done.

The black guy won. Cut my dumps off. Show it up. Plug it. The president did what? Cut my dumps off is going to be my new catchphrase? Cut my dumps off is going to be my new catchphrase. Cut my dumps off.

My whole special is just cut my dumps off. DJ, cut my dumps off. Cut my dumps off. Is that a Ferrari that looks like a zebra? Cut my dumps off.

Now cut my dumps off. Well, if that don't cut my dumps off. Well, if that just don't cut my dumps off. Now cut my dumps off. Well, if that don't cut my dumps off. Well, if that just don't cut my dumps off. Oh, hey, man. So back from back when you were peeping

and poo-pooing a diaphy. In my diaphy. Uh-huh. Ivan Drago. Yeah. Oh, really? He scared the fuck out of me as a kid.

When he, if he dies, he dies. And like when Rocky went to hit his hands and they were like iron. Remember that? And you're just, dude, that guy used to make my blood run cold. Well, and Rocky seems like the toughest. And then put him next to Ivan. You're like, whoa. And he's so tall.

And he's just like stoic. Yeah. But also kind of beautiful. Yeah. And he's dating a woman version of himself. Yeah. I'm scared of. Every man's dream. Every man's dream. So, you know, he's dating a woman version of himself. Yeah. I'm scared of. Every man's dream.

Every man's dream. So you know he's got the sauce. Oh yeah. No. My wife does. She doesn't dump either. Neither one of them look like they've ever taken a shit in their life. It's all nutrients that go right into their body.

I think it's also something deep down where I think I'm sort of afraid of beautiful men. Yeah. He was a beautiful man. But like in a scary way. Yeah. He looked like his whole shit just looked like... Wait, he killed Apollo. He was always angular and always wet.

Yeah, he was wet that whole... And like, you know how uncomfortable it is to always be wet in Russia? So he's so mad. Yeah. So he's angry. He's picking off frozen droplets of sweat. Exactly, dude. Just flicking them off constantly. He punched through that computer, mad. Yeah. So he's angry. He's picking off frozen droplets of sweat. Exactly, dude.

Just flicking them off constantly. He punched through that computer, remember? Yeah. Him punching that computer pad. I didn't know what any of the numbers meant, but I was like, oh shit, 800? 800 what? I had no idea.

He just did 800 on the Stairmaster. 800. Cut my dumps off. That's a hard punch. Yeah, just very, very, very softly. Cut my dumps off. No, dude hard part. Yeah, just very, very, very softly. Cut my dumps off. No, dude, Ivan Drago's a fantastic pick. Cut my dumps off. Get me the president.

Get me the president! Ivan Drago was scary, man. He scared the shit out of me in that movie, man. And also because I didn't think anyone could kill Apollo. Yeah. He did, though. And that's the thing, Ivan Drago made you... He kill Apollo. Yeah. He did, though. Oh, God. That's the thing.

Ivan Drago made you. He was shining bright right before he went, though. Oh, living in America? Living in America. As a boy, I remember watching it like, now that's boxing. If my dump's off, that's boxing. If that should happen two hours before my death, all right. Yeah, I went out pretty cool.

Yeah. Right. I was hanging out with James Brown. Yeah. Good exit. my death, all right. Yeah, I went out pretty cool. I was hanging out with James Brown. Yeah, wearing American flag shorts. Yeah. What a way to go. I'd get punched to death by a perfect looking man. A wet perfect looking man. A wet perfect man. A wet perfect man.

Yeah, Ivan Drago. I love it. Very good. Great first pick. Joe, time for your first pick. Your first pick ever on AFE. Ever. Yeah. Ever first pick. Joe, time for your first pick. Your first pick ever on AFE. Ever. Yeah.

Ever, ever. And I'm going to go with a character that I think was expertly designed to look scary, and that is the alien from Alien. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Talk about wet all the time. Yes, right? That's another one.

So wet. Shiny, wet. Who was it? Geiger? HR Geiger.r geiger designed it yes and that may be the best scary design in cinema oh perfect it's heads all long and i don't know how to say this and not sound gross but like it looked like that thing was gonna fuck you somehow yeah right it had things that protruded yeah yeah like to penetrate yeah everything about it seemed

like it was gonna get up in you yeah like the death wouldn't be quick yeah no it was a lady oh it also laid eggs in you oh god remember the little face huggers yeah they're little like kids yeah that's pretty good if you listen to this in to this in the dark at home alone, I'm sorry. Is that me or the face sucker? We don't know. Oh, that might be ASMR. Oh. People might like that.

Or can you be like a BSEO girl? There we go. Oh, like a girl. That's not what that is. Oh, like a girl. It's an inside joke. Yeah, I don't get it. I certainly don't get it.

But the guy who used to be the in arena announcer for the Los Angeles Lakers, this guy Lawrence Tantor, I think was his name. He would always be like, ladies and gentlemen, you're Laker girl.

Oh, that's a good thing. That's upsetting. So you'd be like, you'd be watching it on TV and you'll hear it. You'd be like, oh, yeah. It's like your thing. Like I feel wet in a bad way.

Like that's the bad way, but they were, they were so shiny and like, like kind of like insects, which I think are one of the creatures we have the most natural fear of that creature in that design. It like reminds you of so much stuff, but it is also completely new in a scary way.

And it's just like, it's like slobbering and it's got teeth that, you know, would hurt. Yeah. Smaller mouth. And it's an expert at fucking creeping around. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you never hear it when it was like next to Ripley's face. Remember that?

Oh my God. Yeah. That shit is fucking scary. Awful. Oh yeah. And I've heard they smell incredible. Oh, like flowers. That's all Old Spice body wash dripping off the whole time.

All a bunch of Irish spring. Was it the first one or the second one where the second mouth comes out? Or is that happening in both? Where they rip it up against the wall and then that little mouth or that little head comes out? That's not what I'm talking about. I think that's the first one. Is that the first one? I think it's right off the bat.

Yeah. You know what helped make them less scary is they put out a line of toys. Yeah. Like in the, I want to say in like the mid or early nineties, but they had the normal aliens and then it being a toy company, they made a bunch of other ones. And then there was like a rhino shaped one that was like, it was like, looked like an H.R. Geiger alien design, but it was like a burnt orange rhino. And then there was like a praying mantis one too, because it was like, what are kids like? Other animals?

It was like Beast Wars ass alien shit. And I got those and I was like, well, none of it's scary now. It's either all of them. I'm not scared of anything anymore. There's a rhino one. I'll walk headlong into a fire. A rhino one. Not canon. That's not canon. It's not fucking canon, dude.

Canon. Canon. Hell yeah, Alien. Excellent first pick. Sean Jordan, time for yours. The Terminator in the original Terminator movie was the scariest shit in the whole world to me. That scene in the police station,

because it was just that nobody could do anything to him, and he was just going through, and I remember specifically as a kid, when she's in the police station, I was like, what the, if that happened, what would you do? There's nowhere to go. Bullets didn't do shit to him.

He just killed everybody that he got in touch with. Absolutely terrifying to me. Yeah, what are you going to do? Yeah. And I was just that age where I'm like, holy shit, what if, are there, can that happen? Like, can there be something that can just not get put down by

anything? He keeps getting shot, but it's all good. I remember being a kid thinking that about all kinds of movies. Dude, he's still like that. Like, I still watch it to this day. Wait, cut my dumps off. This guy is an alien robot. Hold my calls. Cut my dumps off. What's going on? No poopoo, no peepee, strictly

business with the Terminator. Yeah. And he, like, human face that's emotionless. Oh, yeah. Also very scary. And the level of ruthlessness, too peepee, strictly business with the Terminator. A human face that's emotionless. And the level of ruthlessness too. Spoiler alert for Terminators if you haven't seen it. You just go to everyone, Sarah Connor, and just murk.

Jesus, nothing. No emotion. Like I'm stepping on a bug. He breaks into her house and when he just tosses that dude around like a rag doll, fucking terrified me. I missed something. I was getting way too serious. Yeah, he breaks into her house and when he just tosses that dude around like a rag doll, fucking terrified me. I missed something. I was getting way too serious. No, it's cool. You just look you do look shook. You're tearing up. Yeah, scariest motherfucker

ever. Yeah, that's a good pick, man. Yeah, that's a good pick. I wasn't even on my list. I thought of it after you guys said yours. They're an alien thing. That's great. A little behind the music on it. Yeah, yeah. A little pop-up video? All that poo-poo pee-pee banter got the gears turning pretty hard.

Jesus. Oh, yeah. I do my best gear work when I'm poo-poo pee-pee. You do. I bet you do. A lot of good gear work. It's time for my first pick.

And with my first pick, I'm going to go, and forgive me for this being a very, like, I read slate pick or whatever, but like Anton Chigurh. Oh, yeah. What's wrong with that? I don't know. You have nothing.

Is that a slate pick? I don't know. Cold-blooded as fuck. He's killing people with a cattle prod. He's like Terminator, but with that haircut. Well, and there's somebody who, like, doesn't fucking feel pain. He's a real person who doesn't feel pain. Anybody from the modern age who's down to look like a page from medieval times.

He looks like Buster Brown himself. Yeah. Yeah. That's not someone you want to be around. Little Rafaul Turoi ass motherfucker. No, Anton Shearer is terrifying. Just fucking scary. And his raw. And a sassy denim jacket.

Yeah. He looks good. His principles too. He's like a man of principle where you're like, that's fucking terrifying. When he flips the coin, just choose. And the guy's like, well, for what? He goes, just choose, friendo. You're like, what the fuck is he going to do? And then he doesn't kill him. You're like, okay.

It really was no country for old man. Are you going to kill me? That depends. Did you see me? Yeah, I saw you. I'm looking at you right now. Someone has a code. You can't reason with a code. No, no. Yeah.

Is that a rule? Oh, yeah. You can't. They cut their dumps off years ago. They got a code. Years and years ago. What's that fucking pneumatic air gun ass thing? That was for killing cows, right?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Kind of sounds like it's got a silencer on it. Do you have any? No, shit. I blew it. No, that was good. That was pretty good. No, no, no. No, no. I think so. Yeah. Kind of sounds like it's got a silencer on it. Do you have any? Wait, no, should I blow it? No, that was good. That was pretty good.

No, no, no. No, no. There it is. That was great. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Damn. Yeah, I love it.

Yeah. I love it. Take that, Rossell. Y'all think I'm doing that? If your girl only knew my man was over here making phaser sounds. Y'all think I'm doing that shit for real? You think it's some other kind of shit going on over here? Bing.

Boom. Who is that? Deep Rozelle cut. Yeah, dude. I like it. Y'all don't think I'm doing that shit? No, man. That's an amazing pic.

Anton Chigurh is terrifying. Yeah, he's fucking scary. He'll kill anyone. Women, children. Women who are children. Scary. Children's fucking scary. It'll kill anyone. Women, children. Women who are children. Scary. Children who are women. Children who are women. Woody Harrelson. Time for my second pick. And with my second pick, I'm going to take The Thing

from The Thing. Just whatever that alien... No, not The Hulk. And not The Thing from Fantastic Four. The thing, the John Carpenter thing. The thing, like John Carpenter. Also not Swamp Thing. Closer to that.

That old Kurt Russell. You make a wild thing from Major League. Yeah. Wild Thing's the movie with Denise Richards. Yeah. I think we all... We're all around the same age. We know.

Yeah, we know that scene. That was an important movie. That was an important film. never seen that whole movie generation defining Florida boat culture maybe yeah I also outed myself saying that Denise Richards was the lead in that movie there's no way it's just the one I'm focusing on

for my purposes she was the lead best actress best supporting actress she're figuring out best actress, best supporting actress. She probably was the best actress, right? Yeah, John Carpenter's the thing. Have you seen it? No. Kurt Russell and the Lakers.

Oh, dude. Especially this time of year. Is it like, is it a monster? It's like an alien parasite. Yeah. That gets unfrozen from like the Arctic. What are you talking about? The movie with the guy from Billions?

No, you're thinking a dream catcher. You're all over the place. I'm like 0 for 600. Honestly, I gotta cut my dumps and move forward. No, because the thing was like you couldn't really peg down

exactly what it was. You never saw it the thing was it uh shape-shifted into people yeah oh fuck that it could do almost anything and so like if we knew the thing was around and like we were talking right now good chance one of us is the thing that's how good it is i'm scared just you saying that it could i'm i'm outing myself remember when i went outside for a second? Oh my God. Yeah, we don't know. Ian could be the thing. I don't like this kid. The real Ian is skinned

hanging from a palm tree outside. But that's the scary thing about the thing is it could be someone you know. It could be a dog. It could be anything. It could be dogs? But when they start killing it, it starts doing these fucked up mutations and stuff, right? Yes.

When they start shooting at it, it goes all... It's screaming. I bet a theater... It's October. Some theater is going to be showing the thing. Especially here, for sure. I'll probably rent it and just watch it at the crib, to be quite honest. It is well worth a watch. It's really good.

They remade it in 2011. You don't want to see Joel Edgerton and Mary Elizabeth Winstead dealing with it. You want the original movie. No women. Truly not a woman. 11 you don't want to see joel edgerton and mary elizabeth winstead dealing with it no you want the original movie no women no not truly not a woman in any frame of that movie there's no women in that movie because it's it's a bunch of dudes who are like kind of stranded in the arctic yeah there are there there are more wilfords than there are women yeah because there's one brimley in there i feel like i'm back out Wilford Brimley's in it.

Keith David's in it. No, I got to poo-poo pee-pee this. Kurt Russell, dude. Well, Zach will watch it. Zach loves Kurt Russell so much. He loves him. He does. Who doesn't love Kurt Russell?

I do. I like Kurt Russell. Sean, time for your second pick. I'm picking The Predator. Oh, I see. Terrifying. I was going to pick him, but you picked Alien, and I was like, it's too obvious right away.

Yeah. I liked it when he fought Danny. Predator is also, when he takes his mask off in the beginning. You ugly son of a bitch. It's so in his mouth, and he just flips out. He's so scary. And another one of those like. A horseshoe crab looking motherfucker.

Invincible, dude. Yeah. They couldn't do shit to him. They did. They did. Yeah. They got him. My favorite part of that movie...

We got him. Ladies and gentlemen. Is when that guy cut his chest open and it just killed him. Yeah. Billy, right? Yeah. One of you guys have never seen Billy. No.

Billy's talking. He's like, I've never been scared of anything. I'm scared. You're like... Billy is scared. And he's got a machete Billy? I think that was the Ryan wasn't that his name?

So far you Billy the dude who cuts himself with a machete Oh I can't recall I've picked two Arnold Schwarzenegger movies I cannot recall I was going to say either Your picks have either been or fought Arnold Schwarzenegger

Which is why I'm looking forward to you taking Phil Hartman later From Jingle All The Way Oh, that might be commando. Your picks have either been or fought Arnold Schwarzenegger. Which is why I'm looking forward to you taking Phil Hartman later from Jingle All The Way. That would be a twist. I'll be choosing Turbo Man as my second pick. Yeah, dude, the partner's scary. I'm just, like, those two specifically, I'm glad I got them because those, when I was a kid,

for real scared the shit out of me. Yeah. Like, I was just at those, when I was a kid, for real scared the shit out of me. Yeah. Like, I was just at the age where I actually was shook at both of them. Actually scared. What do you think the predator sounds like, dude? Here we go. I assume the microphone

picked that up. Pretty legit. I think the microphone... I hope it did. I like how you said afterwards, that was pretty legit. I think the microphone. I hope the microphone picked it up. I hope it did. I like how you said afterwards that was pretty legit. I wish you guys could see him. Last time I did it, every time I do it, fucking David's like,

dude, you shove the mic all in your mouth. I did spin on it. Sorry. Anyway. It's just funny. I know people have earbuds in and they're

hearing that wet ass noise. They are not liking what's happening to their body. You're the opposite of ASMR. liking what's happening to their body. You're the opposite of ASMR. You're B-S-M-R. My body.

Is that bad? B-D-S-M-R. Stop it, David. Put a C-M-R. Stop it, David. I'm having a good time with my friends. All right.

Fair enough. Can't argue that. All right, fine. That's good. I never thought about it like that. Point counterpoint. It's like watching Federer and Nadal in here. It's like watching Federer and Nadal in here, baby. It's like watching.

Making a Baryshnikov look like Chomsky. Okay, babe. No, I understand those references. Joe, time for your second pick. Okay. I'm going to also go, like, I have to honor the things that scared me as a kid i feel like that's important and like the number one thing that scared me i have not even seen this movie whoa and it's probably because of i would maybe watch it now just because it would be funny but i was terrified of chucky oh really yeah terrified, I have a crazy story. Please. It has nothing to do with Chucky.

No. When my mom came to America, the only American movie she had ever seen was Child's Play. What? That's pretty gnarly. Whoa. She's like, yep, I'm going. She told me that the other day. She was like, one of the people from the Peace Corps brought it to our village village and i was like what was that like and my mom was just like it was awful this type of thing shouldn't happen and then she and then she was like yeah i'll come

i don't know if i'd go to america that was my only picture yeah my god that is gnarly it was awful i just watched the new one the other day. Bride of Chucky? No, no. There's like a reboot. Is that serious? I feel like they made six of those. Chucky has like an iPad component to him, right?

Kind of. It's like digital, right? I haven't seen it. What is it? Yeah, he just like AIs himself. He knows your... There's a plug-in right there. He knows like... He remembers things and he remembers like how you like your sandwiches

and he remembers what you like to do and he kind of learns your patterns. Yeah, pretty much. There's a Siri component to Chucky now. And there's a big part of the movie where Chucky is sticking up for the kid. And I don't know that I've ever seen the original Child's Play. So is that the premise in the original one? I, I, yeah, he the original one? I read the Wikipedia synopsis recently, and I

believe the doll at first is fiercely loyal to the child to the point of killing an animal that barks at him. I'm getting some details wrong. I believe so. That's what's happening in the remake, too. That's this new one. I thought it was like

an old voodoo priest or something put his it is something I feel like there's some voodoo definitely yeah like they were chasing the cops were chasing this guy and he like put his essence into the doll

well that's a whole different movie that sounds right has anyone here seen Child's Play no I've never seen i've seen the first one i think it's been some time i believe it's something what you're describing makes sense and i might be thinking i also read the synopsis of the new one so maybe i'm just thinking there's a lot of them there is yeah they got very silly yeah i've seen right of chucky and i've seen the brand new one i might have seen the original one jennifer tilly all up in there, right? Yeah, yeah. Seed of Chucky, I believe.

Seed of Chucky. Chucky impregnates Jennifer Tilly. Seed 2.0 of Chucky. Because he gets all wisecracky later on, right? Yeah. I feel like he went full leprechaun at the end. Yeah. Where it's just like he's rapping and you're like, I don't know, man.

Yeah, come on. What are we doing, Chucky? There was something scary about that and like dolls in general. Yes. You're like, they're always around. I was something scary about that and like dolls in general. Yes. Because you're like, they're always around. I was very afraid of dummies.

Fucking unblinking eyes. Oh, dummies. Did you read about dummies? Goosebumps? Yes. The night of the living. That one. And when they did the TV show, they did like a Saturday morning TV show

of Goosebumps. That episode, ooh, messed me up. That's like an underrated TV theme. What? Like their theme song for the Goosebumps one. It's like intense.

I was always afraid of Are You Afraid of the Dark? That intro. Oh, yeah. Because remember it was like the kid whispered like, are you afraid of the dark? And then they'd like blow the candle out. And I'm like, yeah. I am now.

I'm afraid of the dark. You got me. It was four. Nickelodeon, though. And it was like really bright outside. Yeah, I was still thinking. They'd blow it out and then there'd be like a glare from like the Japanese maple in your backyard

you catch a glint of your Kool-Aid stained lip oh yeah Tales from the Crypt had a really gnarly intro scary intro you guys remember that or am I too no and he would I remember the show it would turn around and he'd be like looked like

what's his name? Doc Brown. It looked like Doc Brown. It looked like Doc Brown. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So let's, you know, cut it out. Yeah. Yeah. Let's cut it out. Some of the chalky. Excellent pick, David. Time for your second and third picks as it is. A serpentine draft.

Yeah. And your phone is still dead. That's okay. I remember. Some. Your phone died? Shut the fuck up, Sean. They don't need to know everything

that's going on. David's phone died. David's phone died immediately. David plugged his... He watched his phone dying this whole time. He did nothing. He ate a sandwich

when he should have been charging his phone. It was an outlet right back here. I've been watching you fiddle with your charger for an hour. In fact, he ate a sandwich when he should have been charging his phone. It was an outlet right back here. You couldn't even... I've been watching you fiddle with your charger. Hey, listen, man. All his phones plugged in my laptop was just also dying. I love it.

Bit by bit. I got a plug right here. The blind leading the blind. I got the plug. Now I can't remember the good ones that were on there. Okay. Should we vamp?

No, this is good I'm still in it I'm downloading your pics onto my computer Patrick Bateman Oh, yeah That guy seems like he would kill me And get away with it Of course

I don't think they would know that Patrick Bateman killed me. Plus, he's got the money for good lawyers. Yeah. He's going to beat the case, dude. You know what's crazy is later on, he played Patrick Batman. That is crazy. Ladies and gentlemen.

Now, that is the type of top flight material that's going to bring you back to bunkers. That's right. I'm back in, baby. I'm back in. I'm back in the bunkers. Bunk to bring you back to bonkers. I'm back in, baby. I'm back in bonkers. Bonkers, bring it back. Can't keep me out of bonkers. I am bonkers. Dude, Bateman's terrifying

because he's real. I mean, anybody could do that. That's the scariest shit when you're like, this is just some dude who just kills people. He's rich, which we covered, but like that is scarier dude who just kills people yeah uh he's rich which we covered but like that is scarier because he has the resources to get shit done i mean i would say scary even if he's not murdering yeah right yeah he was already a scary dude the vibe is just very unsettling i don't like it right like if you're in a quiet room with him there'd be a high-pitched

ring just all the time just oh yeah i've I've never seen American Psycho. Nor have I read the book. Nor can I read. I choose not to, but I'm right with you. I need to watch it. I know it's on like the apps all the time. Yeah, it's on the apps all the time. What with the technology these days.

It's like not a movie you need to watch a bunch of times. Yeah. It's pretty good though. Killer soundtrack. Yeah, it's like the parts of it are like fun and funny. Yeah.

Reese Witherspoon sneaks in there. That's like for a dinner yeah she's yeah she's one of his one of his gals it's chloe savini's up in there like chloe yeah it's a good one yeah patrick batman dude patrick batman next week very who does he killing it just random people or is it women specifically is a serial killer he no um kills doesn't he kill a dude he kills a colleague because he starts putting on huey lewis it's hysterical because he's yeah he's talking about how huey lewis to him is like high art me and like this guy the guy's he's jared leto jared leto's like that's right he's kind of drunk and uh patrick is putting on hip to be square and he's talking he's you know waxing poetic about the uh this beautiful is their best

work ever and he's and he's he's putting on as he's doing this just casually putting on uh what would you call it like a raincoat like a raincoat okay like preparing stop getting on he's just kind of casually talking about i really thought he came to his own when he did hip to be square he has an axe and then he just fucking right yeah? Yeah. Yeah. It's incredible. There's a part, there's a lady of the night, if you will, is running out of his apartment down the stairs and he takes a

chainsaw and just times it and drops it on the spiral staircase. It rules. This movie rules. That movie is pretty tight. Yeah. Beautiful. I like it. I'll watch it.

I know you. I like it. Almost spectacular. We got a Sunday coming up. I'll tell you that coming up. I have a feeling I'm not going to want to do shit. Sick. Watch along with American Psycho.

Pan Express. American Psycho. Pan Express. The combination America's been waiting for. David, time for your third pick. Is your phone on yet? No, but I remember. It was my fifth pick, but it's the only one I can remember.

So just know I knew I could get it in the fifth round, but I'm taking it in the third because my phone died. I would be remiss if I did not bring up the hit movie belly. And the female assassin who killed the Jamaican guy at the end scared the shit out of me. Yeah, you could have got that later. Yeah, I could have got it later, Sean. But his hands are tied, Sean. His phone is dead and he doesn't have a good memory weeks ago sean i

told you that i love it i like it like it's there's something scary about somebody like the idea of somebody who's such a killer and it's like we don't even fuck with her it's just like a super specific like all right go get her but like I don't want to do this. You know what I mean? Yeah. And also that Jamaican guy had killed everybody in his crib. And he was just yelling like, who want test me? Who want test me? I'm the toughest, roughest, roughest Jamaican.

You want ramp with me? You want ramp? Man, I have not seen this movie. This sounds great, though. Yeah, you got to see Belly. He says he want rump. Who want rump with me? Who want rump with me?

And then she just, like, jumps off the stairwell behind him and slits his throat. God damn. She sure does. Yeah. It's gnarly. And she really, man, because I think I've gone over it a lot of times. When Belly came came out we had free cable yeah a legal cable so i we had free pay-per-view at the time i watched belly probably

belly and spawn when i was like 11 or whatever year that was yeah probably watched each of those movies 12 times yeah yeah really had an effect had an effect. With Spawn Leguizamo? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You ever ride a clown's big fat pony? That used to freak me out too. Yeah, man.

That movie was fucking scary at the time. Yeah. We probably should have not talked about it, huh? We just watched Spawn Leguizamo in Too Wong Fu Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. I just watched him in Empire. A fine film. Empire, the movie is, I like it. Yeah.

You know what I did not love was The Pest, but maybe I gotta go back and watch it again. I bet your first instinct was correct. Yeah, I don't think you're missing anything big there, but he knows what time it is. Yeah, man. He's a cool guy. So yeah. Who want rap with me? Excellent.

The female's ass from a belly. Joe, time for your third pick. Great. Have we only picked characters from movies so far? I think so. I i believe we have yeah i mean patrick bateman is technically also from a book correct yeah so is anton sugar uh so uh we ever read those i want to oh damn i had my other ones were so much better you still got time he'll get them i'm going to pick someone who is from a tv show okay let's just kind of expand a little bit shit and i'm picking gustavo fring okay oh from breaking bad yeah dude man not a breaking i haven't gotten into it it's good but yeah it has to be clearly what's scary about him is that he is a cold-blooded killer, but no one knows it.

He is known in the town as the friendly man who runs the chicken restaurant. The nicest guy you could be. He's a philanthropist. He's on boards. And he seems like the most straight-laced.

It's Giancarlo Esposito who plays him. And plays him perfectly. He's very pleasant. Even when he's killing people, pretty pleasant. And he will just, out of nowhere, box cutter your throat. I like that. That is scary. Even when he... I mean, spoiler alert. At this point,

skip ahead 30 seconds or a minute if you're going to watch Breaking Bad and you haven't. Are you okay with us? You're not going to remember. None of these details make not going to remember. None of these details make any sense to you. That is very scary too. Oh my God. Because he doesn't even really accept his death.

He doesn't. He adjusts his tie and then falls over. It's fucking so scary. Is it the chickens kill him? The chickens come back to kill him? Did I crack breaking bad? He gets killed by an eco-terrorist. It was the chickens, guys. i knew that from episode one he threatens to kill walter white's infant

daughter in a very horrifying scary moment man just being like don't fuck with me because he basically runs the cartel okay and he's like if you fuck up again he just starts listening to people he'll kill and he's like i'll kill your infant daughter man and you know he would he will yeah you know he would he has proven time and time again especially to walt that like listen i it'll get done i will do that if i have to yeah i'm not doing it because i need you but we both know that the second i don't need you, you're gone. And also, you're still alive. If I kill your fucking kid, you're still here.

Just have other shit I can take away from you. It's a scary thing to do. Horrifying. Just got cold. Yeah, dude. It's freezing in here. I haven't seen El Camino yet. Have you watched it?

I have not watched it either. You did, right? Yeah. I'd love to watch it. It's cool because it's a truck and a car. Yeah, yeah. It's a car with a hot tub. It's a car with an empty hot tub as far as I'm concerned.

That's all I see. I keep up with Better Call Saul, though, and there's a lot of Gus Fring in Better Call Saul. Yeah, yeah. It's a car with a hot tub. It's a car with an empty hot tub as far as I'm concerned. That's all I see. I keep up with Better Call Saul, though, and there's like a lot of Gus Fring in Better Call Saul. Oh, is there? Yeah. I'm going to watch that. There's so many good things about it. Is Better Call Saul

like a parallel timeline? It's before. It's a prequel series. Okay. And unlike most prequel things, it's great. Yeah, prequels do tend to suck. Yeah, I don't know.

Not the Star Wars ones. Hey, guys, no Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar

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Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar to pick? Going back to movies, I'm going to pick Candyman. Ooh, Candyman. Motherfucker was terrifying. I will still end up knocking the boots. Uh-huh. What? You remember that song? No. Candyman, tell him the truth.

We'll still end up knocking the boots. The Candyman can. We can take the sunshine. You've never heard that song? Sprinkle it, boy. I love you so. I'm going to let you go. Yeah, that song. Once I get my hands on you. Candyman, I love you so. I'm never gonna let you go. Yeah, that song. Once I get my hands on you.

Kitty man, tell them the truth. Sex machine. We're thinking of a different one. We're thinking of different songs. I have a crazy connection, which is that someone had a free ticket to them doing Willy Wonka at the Bowl, which is where it was very bizarre, and they would screen

the movie, and then for the musical numbers actors and singers would come out and perform the musical numbers uh the the actor who played willie wonka does anyone know john stamos what which was insane but the the actor who came out and sang the candy man and was great at it, Giancarlo Esposito. Really? What the fuck was it? They're coming together. Yeah, yeah. Stamos is playing the chef

in the live action Little Mermaid thing they're doing on ABC. You know how they do those musicals? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So can he sing? Does he have an okay voice?

I think he has a Broadway background, but I saw no evidence of it at the Willy Wonka performance. It did not rear its ugly head when I was watching. I've never seen Candyman. You've never seen Candyman? I haven't seen Candyman either.

Neither have I. We're talking about Candyman in the horror movie, right? What? What? You say his name three times, right? Yeah. That's all I know about Candyman.

None of you have ever seen that? No. You've never seen that? No. Wow. What if at this point you were just kidding around? You're like, yeah, I've seen it. No, I've totally seen it. I'm coming off

a big. No, it's terrifying. So the candy man is like, is it the Allstate guy? I think that's him. Is it? I don't know. Not according to this. That guy has a huge dog. I don't know. Just whoever plays Candyman is so fucking scary. Have you seen Dennis Haysbert's penis? No, but they say it's like so big when he, when

they film the commercials, they got to like... I heard this too from a separate person. Yeah, he's got like... They got to do reshoots because this big old hog's bonking against those khakis. Yeah. Are they stuck in one?

Yeah, he's hog bonking. He's hog bonking in my khakis. Hog bonkers. I'm out here hog bonking the khakis. You know, that's why I don't let you borrow my shit. You're always hog bonking in my khakis. You know I wasn't in Candyman.

I was out there hog bonking in my khakis. You know I wasn't in Candyman. I was out there hog bonking in my khakis. Sorry about my bonker, everyone. A guy named Tony Todd played Candyman. And so what is it? Give us the basis. He was a guy who was murdered like 1800s or something by a bunch of fucking like Klan members or something. And then he was like somebody who would haunt...

I think it's Chicago. He would haunt a neighborhood in Chicago. There was an urban myth. He would go say Candyman three times in the mirror and then he would come and he would just murder you. There was a deeper purpose. I can't remember it. But he was terrifying. He had a meat hook type thing and

there were bees heavily involved. They would fly out of his mouth and shit. Crazy scary. Seems like a fairly easy problem to avoid. Just don't do it. What's funny is, just say it twice. If you really want to say it, say it twice. Candyman, Candyman.

You'll be fine. Then you just have to say another word first. Candyman, Candyman, Turpentine, Candyman. I think it might have been five times. I don't know why you're asking me. I know Bloody Mary's supposed to be three times. Yeah, this might have been five times. I don't know why you're asking me. I know Bloody Mary is supposed to be three times. Yeah, this might have been five times. That's even sillier.

Yeah. It's like a lot of work to conjure this. Giancarlo Esposito. Oh, he does have a hook for a hand. He was just scary as fuck, dude. Takes place in Chicago, huh? Very, very scary. One of the highest crime rates.

Very scary. Apparently, Jordan P. One of the highest crime rates. Very scary. Apparently, Jordan Peele is rebooting Candyman. Really? Damn, I bet that'll be dope. They're still going to end up knocking the boots. I'm going to look that up. Somebody rocking, knocking the boots.

Time for my third and fourth picks, as it is. A serpentine draft. With my third pick, I'm going to go to television television as well I'm going to take King Joffrey that fucking psycho scary ass motherfucker you're right I didn't even think about that from Game of Thrones just name all the HBO shows

maybe that guy from Ballers Chernobyl Thrones I'm taking The Rock from Ballers he's Antique from ballers Chernobyl Thrones I'm taking the rock from ballers dude he's on teak from ballers dude that was so scary cause out of nowhere you can afford a football team that's scary to me

Joffrey's just like I mean Joffrey's not scary where I'm like laying in bed like I hope King Joffrey doesn't get me but the level of power but like a fucking king

and like a fucking vindictive psycho motherfucker you know what I mean like killing her dad and putting it spoiler alerts again. I've only seen one episode and that was the last one. Oh yeah. What'd you think? It was fun.

I've seen zero. Oh really? Yeah. It's a fine program. I feel that. There's not really magic. Dragons are not magic. I guess warging around. And don't,

somebody told me the black guys don't have dicks in that show. No. That's right. Yeah, that's right. I'm out. What do you think? Yeah, they don't.

It's. Oh, man. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, they don't. So what? So what? Why? Why? There's also one white guy without a dick,

and then later another one, so chill. Women don't have dicks. There's 5, white guy without a dick and then later another one. So chill. Women don't have dicks. There's 5,000. Very good point. Very good point. Yeah. Some of the most powerful characters that don't have dicks. God, it's not racist. That show was woke, dude.

It's not because like white guys too. There's like two white guys and then 10,000 black guys who don't have dicks, man. It fine yeah fully above board oh boy uh but yeah joffrey basically he's like a child king who's like an insanely vindictive lunatic cruel like does like is he the whole i mean the whole universe is incestuous. It's his parents, our brother and sister. It's like a tight show. I'm back in the back. I don't have dicks

and everybody's banging their families. They're the ones who are yeah. You need to watch it all backwards, though, since you've seen the last episode. Yeah, when you do break it down like that it does seem like a very weird weird little program behind there for a minute never break it down like that's awesome so king joffrey with my next pick i'm gonna go to i'm

gonna go to books and i feel like yeah i know well play a play and then they made a movie of it though so we could go with Anthony Hopkins. This is... I could have gotten the fifth round, but I really want to make sure I got it because it's one of the most evil, scary motherfucking things you could do. The character Titus Andronicus

from William Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, which other people may know better as the plot line that South Park jacked for Scott Tenorman Must Die. Oh. Yeah, where they... Everyone goes, seriously. Oh, yeah. Where they cook him in a chili. Basically, he invites Titus Andronicus, long story short,

and I may be butchering certain elements of this, so forgive me, to all our Shakespearean scholars who listen to all fantasy, everything. He invites his enemy, who's the emperor or the king or something, to a dinner. And the king brings his family and he asks him like,

if a man rapes, is that not punishable by death? And the king is like, yes, indeed it is. And then one of the king's sons had like raped somebody. So he was like, oh, okay. And then kills him right in front of him. Wow. And then like, what the fuck has been happening? And then he goes on this big soliloquy that includes revealing that the food that they've been eating was his two other kids.

So, like, after they have this whole big meal. Whoa. Yeah. And it was like a revenge thing. It's different when it's your son. When it's your son, dude. So, like, they've been, like, eating. You say it's different?

It's different. Yeah. Perfect. So it's like this fucking level where, like, oh, you killed my kid in front of me. And I feel like that's as fucked up as any of this can get. And then he's like, oh, by the way, you've just been eating your other kids. Like the only way to-

You like that hot dish? The only- It's like the only way to heighten after killing someone's kid in front of him. It's Terrence. No, that is really scary. Fucking Titus. Plus his name is Titus Andronicus.

That is really scary. Yeah. Oh, it's when Cartman ate that kid in the chili. Yeah. It's got, uh, yeah, Titus Andronicus Shakespeare got the fucking,

some other wicked ass characters. I think that guy's a pretty good writer. Shakespeare was on one. Bill Shakespeare. Uh, yas, go off queen. The original Lizzo was William Shakespeare. He was in Bill Shakespeare. Yas, go off, Queen. The original Lizzo was William Shakespeare.

He was in the zone. Billy was in the zone for a minute, dude. Charting. Sean, time for your fourth pick. I'm going Annie Wilkes from Misery. Very good pick. Was on my list. Man, she hobbled him.

Dude, isn't that? That shit was hard to watch think crazy just freaks like so scary because you can't reason with like a lunatic like that where she's like well say whatever you want but like you belong with me yeah sledgehammer to the ankles and the scariest thing was oh my god she wanted you to write more yeah that's the scariest thing of all more productivity more writing i want you to break my legs oh the scariest thing of all is that if any of us haven't any any wilks she's listening right now oh no we'll keep making podcasts don't break our ankles legs yeah i mean i've already broken mine seven times don't do it anymore you have yeah it's crazy you and you do it with the cop with crazy. You can you do it with the

cop with the hobble, right? You do it with the yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get upset every year to keep himself humble. Yeah. Hobbled humble hobble humble be hobbled. Yeah. Lay down. Get hobbled. I get a little hobbled later. Who knows?

I'm fucking punch drunk. Yeah, dude. I'm going to get a little hobbled later. Who knows? I'm fucking punch drunk. Yeah, dude. I'm going to get rum drunk later. Let's not drink rum tonight. It's so sweet. Like pirates? Get rum and then rob that Del Taco. I think they got a pretty good procedure in place if that Del Taco gets robbed.

Yeah. Well, I'll take it. We're at the $68. I've never seen Misery either. Really? I need to watch some fucking films we watched two films

yesterday they were great we watched Good Time we watched three films yesterday did we? didn't we? Good Time is the

Safdie Brothers movie that they made with Robert Pattinson they directed that Uncut Gems movie that's coming out with Sandler very very gnarly

that shit looks good Sandler Kevin Durant this is another A24 joint. Good Times is one of those A24 joints just killing shit. And Robert Pattinson playing a New York-ass goon, dude. He's really good. Yeah, he kills it. We were like, he's going to be the new Batman.

He already calls himself a goon with a spoon. Ooh, goon with a spoon. It was good. And then we watched that other fucking... Cell Block. I swear we watched another one before that. Cell Block 99. Maybe we didn't, though.

I think we did something before that. I can't remember. I was baked. What's your excuse? I was chilling. I saw Misery recently on cable, and I was surprised at how campy it is. Is it very campy?

It's extremely campy, and Kathy Bates won an Academy Award for that performance and it's just like it is pretty over the top was it a Stephen King book? yeah that's what it was right? yeah absolutely I could see that especially the time it came out I could see that

I love Kathy Bates she is horrifying in that I'm assuming you're talking about the movie version I don't read books thank god but yeah really horrifying psychopath yeah shit's terrifying

she pulled the wool over his eyes for quite some time when he thought she was like helping him for a while was he in a car accident? she takes him in and like quote unquote, nurturing him back to health

and like helping him out and get, you know, back on his feet. She was doing kind of a long con. Oh, a long James Con. Long con.

James the long con. Who's this kid? Who's James Con's kid? Who's in like Scott Con? Scott the long con. The short con. Entourage. He kills entourage

Scott Con is a very specific spice not gone in 60 seconds Ocean's Eleven there's a certain spice there's dishes that call for Scott Con and you pull them off the shelf and you put a little Scott Con in there and it's like I need a sprinkle of buff douche bag

yes Scott Conn. Okay. Yeah. Let's throw them in there. Now I've got a meal. New Twitter. You know,

this team saying inappropriate things. Joe time for your fourth pick. Great. I'm going with another one that really scared me as a kid. And it was part of a movie that I loved, but this one particular part was just it messed me up and it is i believe his character is called judge doom christopher lloyd and who framed roger he was so scary yes that's such a good man he was just ice and tunes. He murders that tune.

And then at the end when he reveals that he's a tune, that's part. I mean, he's scary throughout the whole movie, but especially at the end. And they dip him in that shit, right? They dip him in that goo. Well, do you remember when he's got, he puts his dip gloves on and then he finds that little tune, that little shoe, and he just murders it. Begging for mercy.

Murders it. His gloves were so scary. Some of that... You know, they look like... I guess they were red or something, but they look like alien. You know, like that earlier pic a little bit. Yeah. So they were black, but the dip was red.

That's right. So when you pull it out, and it had dip all over, and you're like, that's just dead. Yeah. That was icy, wasn't it? And then at the end, and he sounds just like this!

And his eyes pop out. And his eyes pop out. Oh my God. The most horrifying thing. How old were you when you realized that the cartoon version of fucking was Patty Cake? Because I was old. Oh yeah.

When I figured out that she was cheating on him. That's like the worst thing. I was 32 years old. I had just turned 35 when I found out. Yeah. Because the whole time I'm a kid, I'm like, who gives a fuck that she's playing patty cake? But then you're like, oh, that's the worst thing

you can do to a tune. That's like sex. Yes. Wild. It's a really nice analog for that. That movie is great. Oh my God. It's fucking scary. That was for kids, right? I mean, well, you know. Was it for like twins? Oh no, I mean, yeah. It's a book, right?

It was, but I think when they made it a movie, know, it was a not, was it for like twins? Oh no. I mean, yeah, it's a book, right? I, it was, but I think they, when they made it a movie, they changed it quite a bit. The book is called who censored Roger rabbit. Yeah. Okay.

Um, but I mean, it is a Disney movie. It is a, it is a kid's movie. Uh, but I got a ride at Disneyland. I sure do.

Yeah. Roger rabbit. Yeah. It's dark. He watched his wife cheat on him. That dude was murdering tunes all over the place. Eddie Valiant found out that

that was the tune that killed his brother. Dark. That's one of those the darkest. That and All Dogs Go to Heaven is also very dark. I haven't seen that in a long time. Brave Little Toaster had some dark moments, too. Really? I heard somebody

do a competitive erotic fan fiction. Got him. It's going to be hard to re-enter the pageant without a face. Go get the Emmy. Get the Emmy. Get the Emmy! Bring it to me.

Judge Doom. Fuck yeah. David, time for your fourth and then final pick. As it is. So my fourth pick is pretty easy. I've mentioned her on here a bunch of times about how I'm strangely drawn to her. Nicole. Whitney Houston's real, dude. But also scared of her.

I'm picking the Borg queen from Star Trek. Oh, you have mentioned her on here before. She freaks me out. I'm going to also, I think I like it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Cause the whole thing is like, join us and all your problems will be solved and you can be better than you ever are, but she's evil, but I want it, but I don't want it. Yeah. Oh,

I get it. I see the appeal. Yeah. She's, she freaks me the fuck out. She's wet too. She's wet. She's hot wet.

Sopping. She's good wet. She's kind of slimy. She's shiny. I've heard so many. Oh, that's right. Where they put her spine into the bodysuit. But then her body's hot.

Yeah. Well, yeah. If you could pick any body, you're going to pick a hot one. That's a good point. Very good point. Maybe a sturdy one. Maybe like a rugby player's body. Sturdy, hot body. What do you got in the sturdy and hot section?

Like a hot rugby player. What do you guys got for sturdy and hot? I want a sturdy. I want a thick one. Also cut the dumps off. Yeah, I don't need a butthole in my body. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'll just fill it up.

And then my final pick that one's pretty straightforward for sure my final pick he was only in a few episodes but he scared the shit out of me i'm going brother mazone from the wire oh that muslim guy who like made the guy who made his own bullets and shit yeah he was scary he must have been a later season than i made it to him i think he was he was the season when they were at. They were beefing. So I think. Season four.

Three or four. Three was the stockyards, right? No, two was. Two was the. Or not the. Two was the docks. Three was with. Three was more.

Four was the schools. Yeah. So I missed. Five was the newspaper. Yeah. Yeah. He was like a nation of Islam, dude. Yeah.

He was scary, dude. Yeah. He was scary, man. Just like that that idea of like like to go back to the guy you were the gustavo guy just the idea of like a killer who is just so not a killer you know presenting as a killer yeah not presenting at all you know like he just brother mazon just presented himself as a serious man. And then also, he will kill you. He's in seasons two and three. You must have seen him. You're just not remembering. Yeah.

Then I have. Oh, he does start up in season two. It was a long time. It was right when I moved to Portland. It was like 10 years ago is when I started watching The Wire. It's okay, man. I'll watch it. I'll fucking watch The Wire.

Watch it. No, it's fine. I have not seen it either. Only care if you hear what I'm about to say. Joe and I are going to watch The Fucking Wire. You guys watch The Wire. You guys all watch Candyman. I'll watch Misery. We're not going it either. Joe and I are going to watch the fucking wire. You guys watch the wire. You guys all watch Candyman.

I'll watch Misery. We're not going to watch Candyman though. Watch Candyman. I'm probably, he's right. We're not, there's not a world where. Yeah, it's not happening. It's probably.

It's not making the queue. Where we are watching Candyman. I just, I got shit to do. Find it for us. First of all, you know what I mean? You can't.

Yeah. Wow. We gave you an opportunity. You couldn't even find it for us. We tried. Whatever boys. Unbelievable. yeah wow we gave you an opportunity you couldn't even find it for us we tried whatever boys luck opportunity meets preparation unbelievable uh joe time for your final pick final pick so i think so far i've only picked uh characters who have murdered yes and are murderous and that obviously that's the obvious choice right when you're picking scary characters is you know the potential to kill yeah right climate change i'm leaving climate change is real that's not fiction that's not fiction my friend i mean says y'all in order to pick it i would have to think it's fiction but also think it's scary yeah it would

be kind of an oxymoron, a contradiction. So anyway, I picked a character that I think is, that looks extremely scary and I am scared of, but they're not from a horror movie. And it is the character Johnny as portrayed by Tommy Wiseau in the room. Oh yeah. That's a very good pick. Scary.

So scary. And you don very good pick. Scary. So scary. And you don't know his fucking background. You don't know what this dude's fucking deal is. So many secrets. Endless bank account. Just bottomless bank account. Yeah, a bunch of money. So you look at the poster of the room and you're like,

is this a horror movie? Because it's his face. It's just his face. He has an alien face. And no, he's just an insanely scary looking normal guy who you don't know why he talks like that you can't identify his accent uh he's prone to having outbursts uh it's he seemed it wouldn't be surprising to find out he'd killed yes because everything's a half notch off and you're like and it's like it's more than a half this is a notch and notch off and it's like, it's more than a half notch. This is unsettling.

It's a notch and a half, but it's like that weird, like uncanny valley-ish sort of just like, what's wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? Yeah. Because you're a terrible actor, but like,

yeah. Any scene could end with him snapping someone's neck and it would make sense. Beating someone to death with a phone. It wouldn't be out of place at all. No, you'd be like,

all right, that's kind of the vibe I was getting in this scene. I saw it coming. We saw, or I went to, we so, it's pronounced we so tell me we saw i went to a screening of the room with him at it and he did a q a afterwards fucking what was this q a q a like he didn't answer questions at it so someone asked him a question be like oh great question and then he would just talk about whatever the fuck he was going to talk about for a few minutes. How many belts was he wearing?

I think he just had two on, but they were hanging off. I saw a picture where he was wearing like four. Yeah, they were huge belts though. Have you guys seen, who's the Culkin from Succession? Kieran. Have you seen him making the press rounds? No.

He wears so many bracelets. Oh no. He's amazing in that show. He can wear as many bracelets as he wants i'll go fucking buy bracelets for him but he wears so many bracelets i was doing like you're picturing an amount of bracelets and it's maybe twice as many i was just thinking about this the other day when do you find out that you're a bracelet guy i think after you get famous and live here. I don't know. I watched an interview with Tom Hardy last night and he had about 30 bracelets on, but there are so many wannabe those types with a lot of bracelets.

Yeah. You'll see around. God. So there's a lot of pre-fame or never fame bracelet people. Oh my God. That's too many bracelets. Let's take a look at that. bracelet people. Oh my god. That's too many bracelets. Let's take a look at that. Are you bumping my khakis right now? No. Kieran, no. Look how many bracelets that is. Some of those aren't even bracelets. One of those is just a leather strap.

Yeah, man. Oh, he's aware of it. Look at that picture. Oh, he rolls them up. Yeah. Oh, god. This one right here. You can barely see his arm. Oh, see how many bracelets it is? Oh, that's... You gotta show him that picture. You don't even think about the rings. See how many bracelets it is? He wears rings. You gotta show him that picture. You don't even think about the rings because of how many bracelets there are.

No, come on, man. We never even get to the rings. Maybe that's why the bracelets are there. It's to throw us off the rings. The real culprit. Lord of the bracelets over there. Ah, yeah. That makes me dislike him. And I know it's

superficial and not nice. No, he's making that choice, though. Yeah, that's a choice. He's making that choice, and you can hate him for that choice. Yeah, that's all. A lot of bracelets. I'm seeing other non-bracelet picks. Those were earlier.

Yeah, he's changed. He's not addicted to the lets. He might be now. My God. He loves his wifey. Johnny from The Room, excellent pick. Sean, your final pick? I'm going loves his wifey. Johnny from the room. Excellent pick. Sean, your final pick.

I'm going to pick Joe Pesci from Casino. Nicky. Because he was just. That dude. Loose cannon. He didn't. Yeah. That's just like.

You don't even know what motivates him. You just play his wrong time with that guy. And you're like, fuck, man. I guess. I guess today's not my day. Yeah. I guess he did some drugs and I have to get killed for it now because somebody pissed him off a year ago. Yeah. And he was thinking

about it just now. He had a bad memory. So he's going to beat me with dice till I die. Yeah. He's got an engine that's built to one, to do one thing hurt and somebody to put some gas in it. Yeah. He's just so ruthless and just doesn't and just doesn't give a shit. And it's so scary. When you meet people, because I've met a few in my life, I guess, where I'm just like, boy, I'm glad we know each other the right way. Because if we didn't, bummer. Yeah, like whenever you ever run across a guy and you're like,

oh, you're a bad guy. Yeah. Not a ton, but a couple. And you're like, fuck. And I've met a couple on the other end, too, where I'm like, oh, you're a bad guy. Yeah. Not a ton, but a couple. And you're like, fuck. And I've met a couple on the other end, too, where I'm like, okay. And I just disassociate as quick as I can. Whether it's at a party or a bar

or a friend of a friend. We've got some of those dudes in our circle. I mean, even this dude Earl, who I went to school with back in the day, and for some reason he liked me, and thank God. But he would just beat people up in the bathroom because he was just like, he's bored. His dad wasn't around.

Yeah, probably. We had a kid. Also one time he wore two different Nikes. Whoa. Yeah. Was it like the way the kids do it where they were like, wait, no, he beat people up like an adult. Not like a, I got a bloody lip.

You're like, no, I look different. I'm going to take you to the boys room and beat you like a man. It's the men's room now. Yeah, dude. We got in a fight and then I had to move, so I'm different now. Yeah, man. Nicky from Casino. Shit's just terrifying to me. Just a loose cannon that really doesn't give a shit.

Dude, he held no loyalty at the end of the day. That's the thing. He barely had a little bit of loyalty to Ace. Barely. When he's just like, he's like, I really fucked up. Cause she goes,

I want you to kill him. He's like, get the, no, the guy 30 fucking years. I'm going to have him killed. So a tiny little bit of loyalty, but then that goes flying out the window.

Cause he tries to have him killed. Yeah. So yeah. Crazy motherfucker. Excellent pick. Thank you, bud. My final pick is going to be the Raptors from Jurassic Park.

God damn it. Yeah. I didn't pick it cause I thought it would be stupid. Those shits are scary. Fuck. They were fucking scary, man. They were so scary. It was 94.

I was like 10, 11 when I saw it. You know what I mean? When he takes that hook and rubs it across that fat kid's belly. Oh my God. Hot. The Boner Patrol. I achieved. I achieved.

I'm bonking in my khakis over here. Sorry, my bonker's getting all stiff over here. Ooh, that's a bonk. Ooh, we bonking. No, because another scary thing is somebody who doesn't know any better and they don't know any different. Like Alien. It's the same way where you're like, they ain't doing anything wrong.

Yeah, there's no morality to killing. They're not open doors. That's what they're supposed to do. They can communicate like louder versions of the Predator. Is that why you're always out here saying, clever girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just kind of out of nowhere. That's what they're supposed to do. They can communicate like louder versions of the predator. Is that why you're always out here saying clever girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense now. When the postman's driver knocks on the front door

and the food's in the back. Clever girl. And you laugh and fart at the same time. I wish more postman's drivers would do shit like that. He knocks, you come up and he just goes find it and he runs away. Clever girl.

And then you respect him. Clever girl. I get the game. You had me on the Raptors in Jurassic Park. Hell yeah. Scary as shit. Yeah, they could talk. Total classic. So that's the final pick of the draft. To recap, David, you went first.

You took Ivan Drago, and then Patrick Bateman, the female assassin from Belly, the B Borg Queen and then Brother Muzon Joe you went second you took the alien from Alien Chucky, Gus Fring, Judge Doom and then Johnny from The Room Sean you went third you took the Terminator, the Predator

the Candyman, the Annie Wilkes and Nikki from Casino I went last and I took Anton Chigurh Predator, The Candyman, The Annie Wilkes, and Nikki from Casino. I went last and I took Anton Chigurh, The Thing, King Joffrey, Titus Andronicus, and The Raptors from Jurassic Park. Yeah, dude. We left some good ones on the board. Carrie. Hannibal Lecter

was fucking scary. Yep. Jack Torrance. I had both Jack Torrance and The Little Girls. I had also I had Bane, Omar from the Wild. Omar's good. Ben Linus from Lost. Oh yeah. That dude was scary. He was fucking very scary. Wow. Commodus from Gladiator.

Well sure. That's Joaquin. Yeah. Slenderman. Slenderman is very scary. Tuco from Breaking Bad. Just the idea of Slenderman. Yeah, I thought of Tuco. The girl from The Ring, Samara. I had the girl from The Ring. Yeah. She's wet too. She is terrifying. Yeah, I thought of Tuco. The Girl from the Ring, Samara. I had The Girl from the Ring, yeah. She's wet too.

She is terrifying. Scary people are wet, dude. That girl's fucking terrifying. The Ghostbusters 2 painting. Yeah. Oh, Viggo? Viggo. Shane when he gets like going to a wedding?

Shane Torres, yeah. He looks like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. Viggo. I wrote down the T-1000, which to me is maybe scarier than the original Terminator. I didn't want to say it, but that's what the thing does when the thing dies is kind of what T-1000 did.

So I feel like they got that from the thing. Because he just shapeshifts and turns into liquid and fucking dies. Here's a weird answer, but as a kid, I always found Big Bird to be pretty scary. I like Bert and Ernie. I love Stomphalopagus, weirdly. I love Barkley, but as a kid I always found Big Bird to be pretty scary. I like the rest of them. I like Bert and Ernie. I love Stomphalopagus weirdly. I love Barkley, but Big Bird I was always like

no. You know who scared me? Huh? Bette Midler and Hocus Pocus. Oh yeah. Her specifically. The other two, Kathy Najimy and SJP, not so much. Angelica Houston and the Witches of Eastwick scared me because she turned into like a rat or something. Isn't it just the witches?

is that what it is? I think so and also Mumra from Thundercats I don't know if you guys remember Thundercats Mumra he has this crazy fit where he's like a tornado and turns from a mummy into like this crazy buff villain it's really scary

it really scared the shit out of me the whole He-Man and the Masters of the Universe yeah I thought about cartoons everything about that cartoon freaked me out it wasn't really the first thing I thought of was Sideshow Bob but I mean Sideshow Bob's funny

but I wrote down Ma have you guys seen the movie Ma? was it good? Ma's hysterical is it supposed to be funny? I think so, because I forgot the dude Scotty Landis or something who wrote on... Oh, Scotty

Landis wrote it? He wrote Ma. You did? Yes. Oh, fuck. I had no idea. And it's good, and Octavia Spencer is great. She delivers like a Kathy Bates style performance as that character. It looked like that's what they were shooting for. Yeah.

And she is scary. She's like unhinged. She makes one of the teens at gunpoint. She makes one of the teens strip down naked. And then it's like, he does it. And then she's like, I'm just joking. And then laughs. And the best part is the teen goes, you fucking got me, ma.

That movie is great. That ends with a Looney Tunes thing. This girl wasn't a villain. Carol Ann from Poltergeist scared the shit out of me. Just the little girl from Poltergeist. She wasn't supposed to be scary. Is she the They're Here girl?

Yeah. They're here. She wasn't a villain or anything. She was just a victim of circumstance, but she was terrifying to me. Yeah, isn't that true of all these characters, though. Yeah. They're here. She wasn't a villain or anything. She was just a victim of circumstance, but she was terrifying to me. Yeah, wasn't that true of all these characters, though? Wow. Predator landed here.

It's not their fault. The droogs from A Clockwork Orange. Yo, they were fucking scary. They're scary. Just raping and hitting people with canes. Drinking milk. Maybe drinking milk was the weirdest part. Oh, yeah.

It's sinister. Didn't the milk have drugs in it, though? All milk has drugs in it David yeah dude watch Zeitgeist it's called calcium plug in dude and then unplug bro that's fair

there were some characters I thought that I would be scared of if I was in the situation with them but watching them is not scary like Heath Ledger's Joker yeah yeah like when you but watching them is not scary like heath ledger's joker yeah yeah like you're when you're watching it you're just like oh this rules but if you were with that character you would be scared shitless yeah i don't want to i don't want to do that he killed the guy with a pen yeah he's so serious why so serious do don't know why I got these scars oh another story

are you guys doing Neil Hamburger why so serious how did I get these scars I just have seven gin and tonics just cause so that's part of the deal oh yeah he drinks gin and tonics right

arm full of them it's hilarious. That is so funny. Oh my God. Of course. I saw him at Eric Andre's birthday last year. That's sick. I was on a lot of mushrooms, dude.

That was the night we all got disconnected. Well, you guys got disconnected in a different way, but like we all, whatever. I ended up in a cab hard tripping on mushrooms. I saw Playboy Cardi. Yeah. I didn't. Similar experiences. I saw a three-faced hard tripping on mushrooms. Yeah. I saw Playboy Cardi. Yeah. I didn't. Similar experiences.

I saw a three-faced person and it was my Uber driver. Anyway, we want to hear who you are. I'll pick him. That was fictional. Actually, it wasn't scary at the time.

I was, because I was like, you're on mushrooms. I think you guys had a really, from what I remember, you guys had a really good conversation. Well, in my head,

we had a really good conversation. What it probably was, was me going, oh. Blend it. Blend it. Blend it. The breakup's a good thing. We want to hear your

scary fictional characters that you can think of. So hit us up, All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. We want to shout out to everyone on the Patreon. Thank you again. I know it sounds like it's a rote thing we say, but earnestly, we really do appreciate you so much. Amazing. Yeah.

It's the world. No, it's the best, dude. Yeah, everything. How I eat food. You know what the Midwest is? Young and the bestest. Sure is. Sure, sure. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Thank you for holding us down.

Shout out to super producer Marissa Melnick. Marissa. We love you, Marissa. We love you, Marissa. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to St. Kelly Jordan. Recovering. Recovering.

Recovering. Recovering. Recovering. She's got Halo on for three months. Halo. She's been playing Halo for three months is what Sean just said. She's doing that shit where she throws the grenade above your head And then shoots it

Legendary dude Shout out to Frankie Ocean Shout out to Sid the Dude Shout out to Haji Beats Shout out to fucking Captain Crunch Shout out to Count Chocula I thought of him for this list That'd be a funny last name

He's scary dude Hydrogenated fats and shit like that. Shout out to Boo Berry. Shout out to Boo Berry. Yeah. Frankenberry. Frankenberry.

The Fruit Brute. The Fruit Brute. Oh, gosh. Unaffiliated, but shout out to that like ripped on steroids dude on the front of Big League Chew packets.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Shout out to the power team. Remember the power team? No. The religious people that did tons of steroids that would break ice

and bend crowbars. Oh, no, but I do. It's so funny. You know, those guys who ripped phone books. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. The power team. Shout out to the Sioux Falls Crips, man. Yeah, absolutely. They were fans. No shouts. Fans. Sioux. Oh, Doc.

If I get beat up when I go home. It's going to happen. Yeah. It'd be better. More important than all of that. Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy. Everything. Chicago. that was a hate gun podcast