All Fantasy Everything - Scary Movies (w/ Chris Cabin, Eric Szyszka & Stephen Sajdak)

Episode Date: October 12, 2017

Listen, Halloween is rightaroundthecorner so we're giving you a spooktacular HELL-O-WEEN upside-down-crossover epispook... okay, epispook is a stretch. Host Ian Karmel is joined by three of the boys from We Hate Movies to draft scary movies! SPOOKJOY! (Spooky Enjoy.) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that knows what's right around the corner. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Right around the corner.

It's just in time for Halloween. Halloween is right around the corner. Oh, my God. It's right around. It's about that time of year. Spooky time. I love saying it's just in time for Halloween. Don't you love that? I just, oh, that's just in time. He says that all year round.

Yeah. He says that after New Year. Just in time for Halloween. I got these Cadbury cream eggs just in time for Halloween. Oh, your grandfather has cancer. Ooh, just in time for Halloween. Spooky. I saw in Dwayne Reed recently

that there are... Dwayne the Rock Reed? Yes. A New York drugstore. Drugstore. Yeah. They have Cadbury cream eggs that are green for Halloween. Oh, that's disgusting. Cadbury's getting their fucking fingers into everybody's pockets year-round now.

You're an Easter company. Deal with it. They are an Easter company. It used to be about... Well, I guess in England, they're just like a candy all year company. You can just get candy. That's like Snickers over there. Yeah. You just get like a little piece of chocolate with a bunch of cream in it. Right. But now they're going to make like fat turkeys for Thanksgiving.

They will. Yeah. Cream. I want one already. They're going to make Columbus's for anti-fascists to sort of smash against the ground. I guess this will be coming up a few days after columbus yeah but yeah you miss it look out next year for the ones shaved like christopher columbus so we can defeat colonialism together here in 2017 i know it's fine it's about

fucking time that's what the fight is about man yeah colonial and uh and delicious delicious caramel we would join today we're joined i'm joined me and you the. We're joined today. We're joined. I'm joined. Me and you, the listener, we're joined today. So intimate. Yeah, me, you, and the Holy Ghost, the big three, are joined by guys from the We Love Movies podcast. We hate movies. We hate movies. Oh, fuck.

Well, okay. Yeah, I'm just going to leave that in. We hate movies. That's fine. Sometimes we like them. Sometimes we like them. We hate movies. Jesus Christ. Well, I hate myself for That's fine. Sometimes we like them. Sometimes we like them. We hate movies. Jesus Christ.

Well, I hate myself for getting that wrong. Even as it was leaving my mouth, I was like, that's not right. And I kept saying it anyway. In 2017, you want your brand to be associated with the word hate. You do. All the time. Does you guys think movies are just alt-right? Yeah.

We're having Baked Alaska on next week oh god did you see did you so these emails between uh like milo yiannopoulos and all these other uh bright bart whatever guys the bright bartles the bright bartle bright bartle steams definitely not steams but they uh and then decisively. So, yeah, very much not Steens. But they were like, there were all these leaked emails. And the best part of it is that, like, apparently everyone just hates Baked Alaska. Of course. Why would you like it? Yeah, Milo hated them.

Yeah, Steve Bannon hates them. Like, everybody hates them. That poor schmuck. Chris Cabin was showing us some of his music videos last night. Oh, they're so good. Oh, wow. They're so fucking good. Yeah.

Oh, my Lord. He's here in LA. Really? He lives in Los Angeles trying to make it as whatever it is he's trying to make it as. As a hate monger?

As a comedic hate monger. Okay, that's cool. Yeah, he wants to be like a YouTube star slash hate. You know, he's actually going to be at the LA Podfest.

He has his new show, The Bear Mace Hour. And he's going to be talking to some people. Because he got maced. He's going to talk to survivors of Macy's. And they're all good people. He's going to have Bill Macy, William H. Macy. I love when people

refer to celebrities, Bill Macy. It was me, Bill Macy, Bobby De Niro. And we were in a sauna and it was getting wet in there. We're joined by the people from We Hate Movies, which is the thing I said earlier. Don't rewind it. Here on Every Fantasy, All Things.

With three of the guys we have joining us today. Steven Sadak. Yes, sir. At Steven Sadak. And that is S-T-E-P-H-E-N-S-A-J, as in Jerger, D-A-K, as in Keira Knightley. It takes me for a—S isn't Steven, A isn't Andrew, J isn't James, D isn't David, and I do the whole thing. Yeah. And then I'm like, can I please get my medicine now?

Like, whatever is happening, please let me get my medicine. And somewhere to sit after going through that diatribe? Exactly. So for, like, people over the phone, you have the phone, you have to have your whole spiel already. I have it. It's ironclad because you got a Polish last name and nobody likes you and everyone thinks that you're related to Pat Sajak, which I wish. He's speaking all right.

He's all crazy conservative now too. What? Have you seen this? Oh, that breaks my heart. I almost shouldn't bring that up. I'm a Jeopardy guy rather than a wheel guy. Yeah, sure. So it's a little easier for me to stomach.

But it's still like... It's hard because he's like your grandpa. I have a racist grandpa anyway. He's your grandpa who fucks people who are way too young, though, probably. He's your wife's grandma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's your wife's... He's the guy who married your wife's grandma.

It's kind of passe. Your step-grandfather. Yeah, yeah. And you're wearing a Charlie Bliss shirt, too. I am, yeah. Fucking fantastic. I just saw them live last week. They're absolutely great.

They're so great. They're so much fun. They did the AV Club. You know how... Or no, is it the AV... Where they have the cover? Yeah, the undercover thing, yeah. Charlie Bliss did...

God, I haven't seen it yet. I have to look it up, because if I guess off the top of my head. It's usually an 80s song but every once in a while they'll throw you a good 90s or early 80s. They did the We Love Movies song? Yeah, the We Love Movies theme song for that podcast that exists.

Oh, they did Steal My Sunshine by Len. Oh my God, I would love to hear that. Yeah, they knocked it out of the park. That song is an enemy of this podcast but Charlie Bliss did a great job of it. I saw The War on Drugs last night. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, really?

At the Greek Theater here in Los Angeles. Go see that shit. Any of you or anyone listening. I saw them off their first record, and they were incredible. They're so good. Charlie Bliss closed with a cover of one of the songs off the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack. Really? And it just blew the fucking house down.

It destroyed everything. The Josie and the Pussycats, they got together and did a concert here in LA like a week or two ago. Did they actually sing? How does that work? I don't know. I think so. I had a friend go to it, and it was like-

Is this movie Josie and the Pussycats or Riverdale Josie and the Pussycats? The comic strip came to life. Oh, wow. So it's a Roger Rabbit thing. It was like Imagineering. Yeah, yeah. There was a Gorillaz concert in life. Oh, wow. So it's a Roger Rabbit thing. Yeah, it was using Imagineering. Yeah, yeah. There was a Gorillaz concert in LA last night, too. Fucking, there's something in the air, guys.

Music, man. There's something in the air. We are not just joined by Steven Sadek. We are also joined by Chris Cabin. Hi there. At Crabbin. Yeah. On Twitter.

Is that C-R-A-B-I-N? Yeah, it is indeed. Motherfucking right. Yeah, what concerts indeed. Motherfucking right. Yeah. What concerts have you seen lately? Oh, well, I guess the most memorable. Oh, I saw Elvis Costello this summer. Oh, very good.

That guy is still kicking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At his age. You know, he blew down the door. I mean, like, he definitely, you know, he had to sit down. Right. And it wasn't just the piano. He really had to sit down.

Oh, really? Other than that, man, he was really energetic. Did he do any cool covers? He did not. Well, actually, now that you say it, he covered Taylor Swift's Shake It Off. Did he really? No, he didn't. Oh, come on.

He would have knocked it out of the park. Yeah, he would have. I was just talking with my girlfriend. I sincerely love that song. It came on the radio, and she had kind of turned the volume down she visually yeah not the radio but like a playlist yeah and i was like don't turn it down that actually might be the only taylor swift song i like that song goes it's like just a good pop song yeah i was at a wedding and the first time i ever heard the song was at a wedding yeah and like uh you know i'm like 33 now i was like probably 30 at the time and like all of

the young people got and it's the first time i heard the song all the young people knew that song got on the dance floor and did the whole thing and i was like it's like they're dancing on my grave right now it's just like literally i realized the whole world had passed me by yes yeah that moment happened to me when i was at a uh hot topic and you they have a big wall of like t-shirts you can buy you know like different band t-shirts and i was in and was like, recognized maybe one of them, and it was like an old Taking Back Sunday shirt. And I was like, oh, cool. And then the rest of the band names, I had no idea.

Yeah. Not one of them. And I was like, well, soon you'll be dead. And that's that. And that's that. War on Drugs opened with a Tom Petty song. Oh, really? Yeah, Time to Go, or Time to Let Go?

Wait, what song was it? Time to Move On? Time to... I think so. Speaking of concerts, I saw him this summer. Tom Petty? Yes, I saw Tom Petty. Yeah, oh, really?

How great was it? Right under the wire, right? Yeah, I saw him do his second-to-last concert. Oh, wow. At the Hollywood Bowl? At the Hollywood Bowl, yeah. He was great. Time to Move On. He was great, right? Yeah, I did not see Hollywood Bowl. At the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah. He was great. Time to move on.

He was great, right? Yeah. I did not see it coming. I didn't either. I saw him. I was like, there's a dude who I'm going to be able to see him in 20 years. Yeah. Tom Petty goes before Bob Dylan and Keith Richards.

Yeah. Still. Still Keith Richards. Bob Dylan looks like a golden raisin. He does. We should just kill Keith Richards at this point. We should. At this point.

Yeah. There's clearly a picture of Dorian gray thing going on with keith richard speaking of just in time for halloween keith richards yeah make that the plot of expendables 4 they have to go and kill keith richards but in the expendables 4 all those old action movie stars play themselves and they know that keith richards is leeching the life out of all these uh like it he owns celebrities the tree of life from the fountain yeah he has it in his backyard and it's a breach the compound it'll be like the dark tower where there's all these other pop culture things that exist within it uh that other person who also saw tom petty this summer is eric oh siska siska yeah fuck yeah fuck yeah you did a rocky start, I feel like I'm flying now.

And your Twitter is at E-R-I-C-S-Z-Y-S-Z-K-A. Correct. Motherfucking right. It's a crazy one. Eric Siska, yeah. So Tom Petty, do you see any other concerts this summer? Anything fun? I saw Sturgill Simpson, who's good.

That guy's amazing yeah nah uh i i worked on the grammys last year and there was a so like when you when you write on it you don't get to watch the actual thing because they like keep you under the stage so you're like sitting under there under the stairs you are you're the people under the stairs yeah but with like but with like uh computers so you you get to see all the famous people walking by and you're like they're about to go like perform it and i don't get to watch it but for the dress rehearsal they let you go sit out in the crowd and watch the dress rehearsal and like sturgill simpson was amazed and like adele was it was so cool uh kendrick lamar future

or was oh no that was the bet awards yeah yeah god i wish i wish i was i'm wearing a bro Brooks Brothers shirt right now. They would not let me. But yeah, how was Sturgill, like the whole show? He was really good. I also saw him once before last year, and it was even better then. Not that he's declining. Now you're starting something.

I'm just saying I've gone a few times, and I like his work. If you've seen someone earlier and they got more famous, you always have to say you liked the earlier one. You have to. I think that's what I'm doing. I think subconsciously my mind is like, no, it was better there. I'm from Portland, Oregon. I saw Modest Mouse when I was like 18. Not early Modest Mouse, but their third out.

Like Moon and Antarctica had just come out or something like that. And it was honestly not that great. Like, Isaac Brock was hammered, which was something he used to do. Yeah. All the time. All the time. He was notorious for it. He was always drunk and fucked up. Always drunk and fucked up.

And, like, a mean drunk. And, like, they came out, like, an hour late. And for some reason, they played the same four Rod Stewart songs in between Les Savivob, which was the opening band. They are a fucking great live band. They were amazing. They are incredible. So they set the bar so high.

And then a solid hour of the same four Rod Stewart songs. And then Bonne's Mouse came out all hammered. And it was pretty good, but it wasn't that great. And then I saw them again later. And it was an amazing concert. But I'll still tell people. Oh, no, of course. Yeah.

Especially before. If you see them before the hit, you're golden. You're always golden. I remember when I heard Float On on an NFL football game, like when they were throwing the commercial, and I was like, what in the world is going on? I heard Ocean Breathe Softly on the OC or something. I was like, oh, fuck. It does feel like a violation a little bit.

A little bit. Yeah, it's like, I cried to this band. So today we are joined together, because it is just in time for Halloween. It is. Just in time. And we have the We Hate Movies guys. And three of the four. Three of the four.

Andrew is off on an expedition. Isn't he watching Blade Runner right now? He's going to see Blade Runner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going around. Well, I mean, like, if you are going to be the other side of the country, you do want to see what the movie theaters look like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really important. They're different. The water goes a different way in the toilet. The Coriolis effect. The two Coris effect in L.A. Wow, yeah, they're both dead, right? No, no, no.

One of them's alive. 50-50. One of them's dead. did you see him in concert no no but i hear about it the angels and stuff man that looks fucking crazy i saw him didn't he do like the today show or something like that it was that shit is weird it's like him and clearly two people who are like getting the the oh god what is the thing where you're coming off of heroin? Methadone. Yeah, yeah. The DTs? Yeah, the DTs. He looks like a haunted house skeleton in a red shirt.

You know what I mean? He does. It's just a big triangle. He's on a coat rack, practically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like all skin and bones, but still bloated somehow. Yeah. Yeah.

Because he could be dead by the time this comes out. Yeah. He's not coming out for a few days. So we should, yeah. But if he does die, just in time for Halloween. So that's good. We did an episode on She's All That. Yeah.

And one of the bits that I did during the episode was, everyone did, do not worry about Paul Walker. It was like, Paul Walker's going to be fine. Oh, yeah. Paul Walker makes so much money. That guy's going to be great. And then like two weeks later, he died. Oh, no.

And then like everyone, like he died. Oh, no. And then everyone, from now until the end of time, everyone's like, hey, man, I just listened to that She's All That episode from 12 years ago. That thing is like, yikes, uncomfortable. Look at how fucking time marches on. Paul Walker's not okay. We get this every two weeks. Someone will be like, man, that episode didn't age.

It's like, yeah, I know, but time goes on. I'm sorry. He would have been the safest bet for he going to be all right. Exactly. And he's been dead long enough now that seriously, don't worry about him. Yeah, exactly. He's not even a thing anymore. He's in a better place, man.

Yeah. Charlie Puth's song came out and that eased his ghost to settle back into the grave. It did. Quick thing about Charlie Puth. You know that guy? He's the guy who did that See You Again song. Oh, right. At the end of It's Fast and Living.

And him and Wiz Khalifa. Yeah. He's a gorgeous dude. He's got a fine voice or whatever, and he makes songs that teenagers like. Sure. Wouldn't you change your name

from Puth? Yeah, maybe. It's weird. Let me get it. I kept Sisqa. Yeah, but Sisqa's cool. Sisqa sounds cool. Puth. I'm Mr. Puth. Sisca. Yeah, but Sisca sounds cool. Puth.

I'm Mr. Puth. Puth. Exactly, yeah. How are you doing? Right, it sounds like a nerd greeting a kitty. Oh, hello, little Puth Puth. A nerd. Someone with a lisp.

Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. I played football in high school. There's a lot of habits I'm still trying to break. We're all getting better. Fucking dorks. We're joined together here today in beautiful HeadGum Studios in scenic downtown Los Angeles to draft scary movies. Yeah.

Just in time for Halloween. Yes. We were talking a little bit downstairs, but I wanted to keep it. So we first were talking about doing horror movies, and then I frantically adjusted it to scary movies because I haven't seen a ton of horror movies. Okay. So I'm going to be leaning on you guys a lot for this. That's fine. So scary, we're talking about movies that scared you at the time.

Yeah, they scared you at the time. A movie that could be considered scary. And we can debate it. We can have some fun. And honestly, that gives you more brackets. I think so too. It could be other things outside of horror. It could be political documentaries.

Yes. It could be other things outside of horror could be political documentary yes exactly right it could right i was gonna do the joke that i did downstairs but i can't do it that's my comedic and i said i was gonna say home like home movies yeah yes downstairs it killed we laughed we laughed for 45 minutes we did we i would i didn't think we could do a show after that. We had to get you oxygen. The scariest home movie. Yeah. This is a Bruder film. There it is. Right?

That's where JFK got shot. That really is, yeah. Yeah, his head. I'm letting younger listeners know. Let's clue them in. Yeah, just, you know. Our average demographic is women 8 to 12 years old. Okay.

But women that old. You know, they wear blazers with shoulder pads on them. And they always have important meetings. They're always tapping at their watch. Yeah. They all love Working Girl. They wear blazers with shoulder pads on them. And they always have important meetings. They're always tapping at their watch. They all love Working Girl. They love it, yeah. They put on Reebok sneakers when they leave the office and then put on high heels when they get to the office. And then somehow squeeze in grade school.

Yeah, they're trying to have it all. And I hope they do. So yeah, we're drafting scary movies. It's a little more wide open than horror. I'm sure there'll be some horror movies in there. It was fun. The way we determine the order of the draft on All Fantasy Everything is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.

It's going to be played between the three of you. The winner decides the order. Okay. Okay. It is a serpentine draft. So what that means is if you pick fourth in the first round, then you pick first in the second round. Oh, nice.

And so on. Okay. So you make that up. Huh? You make up some lost ground there. Yeah, you make it right. So there's strategy. Maybe if there's a thing you definitely want to get. I thought you said that he made up this structure. No, no, no. I'll also take credit for that. It did exist, but I'm not above taking credit for something

I didn't do. Sure. Yeah, I mean, if you see the TV show I wrote, The West Wing, you'd know a lot of the stories revolved around that. So the three of you will play rock, paper, scissors. If you all... It's just odd man out wins. So if both of you throw rock

and he throws paper, I should really explain this off air, but I don't care. And scissors is also an option, just to let everyone know. You can rock, paper, or scissors. Well, now we know what Eric's going to be throwing. You never know, man. We throw and shoot.

Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. That's Chris goes first. Yeah, Chris goes first. Well, Chris, you determine the order. Okay, I determine the order? Yes. I'll go first.

Okay. There you go. And then Eric will go second. Okay, perfect. And then you'll go third, and then you'll go fourth. I'll go last. Okay. There you go. And then Eric will go second. Okay. All right. And then you'll go third. And then you'll go fourth. I'll go last. All right.

Fantastic. So with the first pick in the All Fantasy Everything Scary Movies draft. Scary movies. Chris Cabin, you have the pick. I'm going to go easy. Pretty popular on this one. All right. The Descent.

Oh, yeah. That's a scary movie. So this one, this for me, like it was scary when i saw in theaters it was super scary but this was also the movie and i think it happens for everybody when you realize that like your male role models are cowards yeah it's like stunning like my uncle like told like uh he found some cave people yes he went tolunking one day uh no he like he he's you know he's been gruff he's he's very like old-fashioned in all the ways he has this weird like not weird at all but um claustrophobia yeah like all of a sudden out of nowhere you know it's weird claustrophobia

nobody has that yeah yeah i love tight and close spaces where the roof could cave in at any minute i especially here in earthquake prone los angeles i heard my uncle actually yelp at this movie like an honest to god yelp of fear from this man at this at the time 52 year old man yeah over you know scary white monsters and ladies going cave diving i uh speaking of people seeing their male role models failed them i saw uh my super um when i was a kid he had two two young boys uh and they would they would always be over our house they're like the same age as me and my brother so we'd all hang out together and he was setting a mousetrap in front of both of his children and he hit his hand yeah and he started to cry in front of both of his children to the point where his children needed to be like, Dad, it's OK. Dad, it's fine.

And I was like bawling. Yeah. He was like, really? Just like really? It hurts. It really hurts. Yeah. No curse words. He didn't know. He did not curse. He looked like weird Al Yankovic, by the way, with a more sensible haircut. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. So it was just sort of like there's something off about him yeah yeah exactly but it was more just sort of like you see somebody's like towering tower it's probably better to do that your tower of masculinity yeah watch it fall down oh we probably we're all crying together i bet both his kids know how to play piano and they're sensitive lovers exactly they're very they're very you first yeah yeah yeah so this is santa i mean i love this movie i mean i i i don't think i was more excited about it and i still don't think i have been more excited about a horror movie probably until get out okay um where i was like everybody i'd heard from was like this is the best one

that's come out in forever it really was good and it looks great i think neil marshall really directed the hell out of it sure and he's been been doing a lot of good work on TV now, like on Game of Thrones. He did an apocalypse movie that nobody watched. Oh, Doomsday. Doomsday. Which was all right. Which is fine. Sure.

And then he did the werewolf army movie. I wasn't as crazy about that. Oh, he did that movie? Yes, he did. When did that come out? I feel like I may have seen that. Was that in the early 2000s? Yeah, that's an early aughts. I've definitely i've definitely seen that yeah that movie's weird it was very weird

yeah but i like and but he does do the good thing where like the monsters are actually monsters like it's not some gray nothing yes they actually look like something i do like when there are monsters when the monsters are actually monsters yeah yeah and not like the real monster was you no i wanted it to be a monster it's a whole movie of like it's either this really cool monster Yeah, and not like the real monster was you. You're like, oh. No, I wanted it to be a monster. It's a whole movie of like, it's either this really cool monster or this fat old white guy. Who can't get out of his own mind for some reason. We know fat old white guys are the real monster.

Yeah, we're all aware of it. We've heard of Roger Ailes. May he rest in peace. The patron saint of this podcast. God bless him. Hard right. We're a hard right conservative podcast. Now he rest in peace. The patron saint of this podcast. Yeah. God bless him. Hard right. We're a hard right conservative podcast. Now, fill in that gap in the market.

I'm going to change my name to something less Jewish. It's going to be perfect. Yeah, The Descent is really good. Do any of you have claustrophobia? I have anti-claustrophobia. I actually like tight enclosed spaces. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

If I could sleep in a coffin, I would. Would you really? Like Dracula himself. I don't know. It's just like it's comforting to be – I like being on a plane. I like sort of – What? I like being on a plane.

I do. You like being on – you're a cozy guy. I'm a cozy person. You're a cozy boy. Yeah. I'm a bit of a cozy boy myself. I've never been called a cozy boy. You're a cozy boy.

All right. That's it. You can fight the proud boys. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cozy boys. I never thought the the scary movies podcast would get that political but it's been the whole way it's gonna keep going yeah no but i yeah i enjoy a tight space i mean i feel like yes if i was in if i was in if somebody buried me alive i probably wouldn't enjoy it all that

much but like in terms of like you know being in an elevator i'm totally cool in an elevator when i was on the come up a young ian carmel in beaverton oregon if you need if you need to help picture it okay i used to love i would like push my mattress out uh-huh uh and sleep in the space on my box spring between my mattress and the bed just because i loved like a tight little space like that and i would like to if i ever needed to fall asleep and i couldn't i would picture myself and i don't having like a secret lair underneath the ocean and then buried six feet of the seafloor yeah and then like a little layer where i'm like no one can find me exactly it's nice you you know that you're totally enclosed no one's coming this way or that way

or any way around you got every you got the booth in the back of the restaurant exactly yeah and when chris and er Eric and I lived together, it was a three-bedroom. We gave you the smallest room. Turns out you liked that. I thought we were just dicking you over. No, no, I enjoyed it. Literally, it's smaller than the studio. That's where I lived. Well, now I know

because we looked at another apartment beforehand where it was literally a closet, and you were trying to make the case that we should do this. Yeah, I was like, is that fine should that was in greenpoint brooklyn wherein uh eric speaks a little bit of polish yeah not much but i know the bad words they were showing it to us as these old polish people and a nun had died in the apartment like a week before i believe there was another nun washing dishes while they were showing us this place and it looked like it was definitely haunted. Speaking of scary movies, there was a chandelier in this place. It was all

odd angles. It smelled like Spectre's. There was just no way to get around it. It would have been a decent apartment, but all, you know, Spectre's considered. But these guys showing us were just like, oh, these fucking idiots, you know, these pieces of shit. In Polish.

They were saying that about you these fucking rubes essentially wow yeah so we didn't take that one yeah i guess not yeah there were probably other things going on with other than the specters yeah which you pay extra for here in la a dead nun you don't want that uh a dead nun is they'll police you yeah a dead nun is really fun that That's pretty heavy. Anybody else claustrophobic? I've got like... What's the fear of crowds?

Gorophobia? No, that's going outside. Gorophobia is outside. Crowds is... Crowds, I don't know. I don't know what that's called. A lot of people around me, and it's just like, just stab me to death. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm more like that. If I'm in a... I can go to a concert, stab me to death. Yeah. Yeah. I'm more like that. Like, if I'm in a, like, I can go to a concert and like, that's okay. Yeah. But when I have to be social in a very large crowd, that is like the worst. You know what's good for that? Performing comedy is really good. I need to face my fears, Steve. I'm the same way, though.

I do stand up and like uh i i'm uncomfortable in crowds we i maybe this is a selfish thing but i'm like i'm like i have to have small talk with this person yep i'm never gonna talk to them again what the fuck are we doing here yeah i think that's much more normal than anyone wants to admit i think it is i think we all pretend like we're all like yeah anti-social no we're not that's we like talk to our friends and everything. I just hate small talk. Yeah. I don't know you. I don't really...

I'm not going to know you by the end of this conversation, so what are we going to do? Right. Why am I putting quarters into a machine that's never going to give me a candy bar? Weather's going to carry us for like one sentence here, guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hotter than normal.

Mm-hmm. Later. Yeah. So, Chris, you went with The Descent. Great pick. Eric, it is time for your first pick. Okay, well, speaking of cozy boys, I think I'm going to go with Dracula, the Bela

Lugosi film. He's a very cozy boy. Yeah, and he's like that spooky European, you know, like the Yugoslavian-Hungarian that you don't know what's going on. So that's very scary. Absolutely. And he lives in a castle. What's going on in there? Yeah.

It's pretty creepy. It's an atmospheric film. I'm to the point where if a castle doesn't have at least 15 occupants, I'm assuming it's a monster who owns it. Of course. At this point. That's just where I'm at. You don't want a roomy castle like that.

No. It gets drafty. You know what monster has a castle? I was reading about a few months ago. Jeremy Irons? Yes! Jeremy Irons owns a castle. Does he really? Him and Enya.

Enya owns a castle in Ireland. She lives in a castle. And doesn't Larry Bird have one too? What? Oh, that's right. He does have a castle in Indianapolis. Does he live in a castle? I don't know if he lives in a castle. I think he owns a castle. Vacations at the castle.

It's an Airbnb castle. It's made- Larry Legend? Yeah. It's made to look like a castle? I think so, yeah. I think it's got turrets and stuff. Does he got archers on the top?

I think so. He's up there hucking basketballs at people. He goes down there every day, feeds Smog, and then he comes up for his day. I love the idea of Larry Bird living in a castle. Look, Jeremy Irons kind of makes sense because he kind of is Dracula. Yeah. He's a creepy dude, man. You ever see that Lolita movie, right?

Oh, yeah. With his dicks all over the place? Yeah, all flopping around. Wait, no, wait. That's Franklin Geller. Yeah, that's even worse. I'd rather see him. Franklin Geller's dick is all over that thing.

Oh, man. Franklin Geller's dick. Yeah, he's my fantasy basketball name. That's available.'s dick is all over that thing. Oh, man. Frank Langella's dick. Yeah. You need a fantasy basketball name. That's available. There's a scene in that film. This is the, what, 98 remake of? Yeah, 98, 97. Where Frank Langella's running down a hallway, and it's just flapping around.

It's crazy. And screaming. Isn't he screaming or something? Yeah. Like, it takes confidence to show your dick in a movie. It takes real confidence to run with your dick. Run. Yeah.

A running dick. Like, what, sideways, right? Oh, yeah. MC Ganey shows. MC Ganey. He's got a running dick. Oh, that, yeah. A running dick. Like what, sideways, right? Oh, yeah. MC Ganey shows, he's got a running dick. That's right. A running dick. That'd be a fun list of movies to put together. We got two so far.

We got a running dick. It's got to be at least 10. It's too bad that Jeffrey Rush didn't run quills. He's kind of in the same place. He should have just run in circles. Bad Lieutenant with Harvey Keitel. Is he? No, he's not running, but he's just standing still. Yeah, he's like moving around.

He's kind of swaying. Raising himself up to the Lord. Again, that's real courage. You know what I mean? Yes. I would never run with my penis out. No. Period. Yeah. Let alone in a movie. The draft and stuff. Now you're really exposing it to elements. Right, exactly. Until I'm cast as Harvey Weinstein the harvey weinstein story then i will run around with

my dick out you absolutely you will you'll yeah god that story was crazy it's insane i mean you kind of always knew that that was gonna happen yeah but like still it is the new it's not as bad as cosby i mean cosby obviously went further but it's the new thing where it was like there were always these rumors yes you know and it was like there were always these rumors. Yes. You know, and it was like, isn't somebody going to do something? And now people are doing this. And now somebody's finally doing something, which is fantastic. Shame these fuckers.

What a schmuck. I hate that shit. There's also like a weird, like, and it's good that it's finally coming out. I'm perhaps naive, but like the birth movie or the Ain't It Cool guy. Oh, the Harry Know Oh, Harry Knowles. Harry Knowles. And then the Honest Movie Trailers guy today. Yeah, that guy just got-

Like a bunch of allegations came out. Birth movies death guy. Birth movies death guy. Also- Yeah. Who was on this podcast. Oh, really? What was his name?

Devin Faraci. Devin Faraci was on like our second episode because I had no idea. Yeah, of course. Of course not. I just asked my friend. I was like, hey, do you know anyone who would be good for like to do a movies one?

He's like, oh yeah, my friend's like a movie critic. Yeah. So like all these, like this cascade of people in the industry. It's a movie nerd thing, right? Yeah.

I mean, it's just creepos that just like, I don't know, like you get any ounce of power and you turn into a complete fucking asshole, I guess. It must be. Yeah.

Good for the people who are coming forward. Absolutely. Big time. Huge kudos to you. Gigantic fuck you to these fucking creeps. It doesn't have to be like that. There are just good people.

It's crazy. There's nice people you just say hi. Yeah. Hi. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you don't have to whip out your dick and start jerking off. You just can do other things.

Right, you can. If there's anyone listening to this who is like, listen, I was and'm still a fat guy uh yeah and i had i had my difficulties with women in my uh teens early 20s mid 20s and late 20s and and even today until today but like you can just talk to them yeah just talk to a woman you can just talk to a woman like she's a person it'll get you farther than jerking off in front of way further Turns out they don't like it that much. No, nobody likes that. One of my friends pointed out, like, to become, like, the

head of a Hollywood movie studio, or Miramax, like a production company, like Harvey Weinstein, is the craziest amount of work to put in to try to get laid. If you just would have, like, spent half that time going to the gym, and, like, working on his personality, it could have happened just natural.

Join a book group. It's just ridiculous. Just do better, guys. Let's all do better. 1931, this movie came out. Is this the one? Yeah. I've never seen this one.

Are you fucking crazy? I'm not done a lot of the old Universal ones. Oh, you got to. You gave me a black and white movie. I'm falling asleep. No. What? No, I'm kind of serious, though. What? I don't know. Is that and white movie. I'm falling asleep. No. What? No.

I'm kind of serious, though. What? I don't know. Is that why it took you so long to see Casablanca? Probably. I don't know. I'm not even lying. The movie turns out. I just saw it this year, too.

I was like, yeah, that's pretty good. I was on a flight from London. I was like, all right, let's see. And at the end of it, I was like, oh, perfect film. I get it. That's why it's lasted. Okay. The consensus is right this time and i'm

sure your dracula is very good this is the best dracula really this is what the every dracula is derived from is he like hypnotizing people with his hands of course like doing that thing i always like this thing he's got to be double jointed and hungarian to do that he was in the in the studio there was a weird handy wave thing going oh yeah Oh, yeah. We were doing handy waves. No one could see that. Sort of Dracula-ass hand waves. I think varying success. Yeah. Picture that.

Yeah. It's creepy. It's like a seduction almost, right? Like a sexy grandpa grasping at a door handle. Exactly. Almost. Those are scary dudes, man. Like a grandpa trying to be sexy.

Yeah. Like fucking shit. Trying to be sexy in a cape. In a cape. In a cape. Oh, man. Please, that's the other thing. That's your worst nightmare. Sexy cape grandpa was the original name of Dracula, right?

Yes. Dracula in Hungarian is sexy cape grandpa. Well, as you know, Mary Shelley's, the original title for Frankenstein was Tall Guy. Tall Guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was about Larry Bird, actually. It was about, yeah. Larry Bird's castle.

He's a monster that lives in a castle oh man that's funny uh man he looks weird too he does he's a weird looking guy he's like the least attractive at a professional athlete last 30 years that dude was nuts i told the story on a previous podcast but i'll repeat it please just for the guy i don't care uh larry bird got injured one year and um he was he he uh he hurt his back he hurt his it was before he hurt his back i think it was a previous injury okay and so he had like two months or maybe like a month where with no basketball and he was just hanging out at his house and he had like quite a sweet tooth because it used to be really easy for him to like gain 10 pounds lose 10 yeah and uh he ate i forget the exact amount of gallons of ice cream over uh hold on let me look this oh my god i did this exact

thing the last time we did this i'm so thrilled that this is happening the story like at least two times you will get that on podcast people, God, you told that story already. Like, yes, guess what? I know like 10 things. Exactly. Right, exactly. Thank you for tuning in to me and my 10 things podcast. But that's kind of what it's going to be some other time.

So it was a back injury. He had a painful back injury. He was out for like not that long. He had to get his stomach pumped? What was the amount of time? Okay, I don't know how long it was. but it was like a very small amount of time. It was like a month, maybe. And he, in that amount of time, maybe two months, he ate 10 gallons of ice cream.

Oh my God. Because he just like had a big sweet tooth. Yeah. And seven cakes. Full cakes. Is this per day? Here's the caveat, I think over this amount of time. But still, that's-

That's like almost under the giant levels. Here's the, right, exactly. Yeah. Here's the caveat, I think, over this amount of time. But still, that's- That's almost under the giant levels. Here's the- Right, exactly. Yeah. Here's the caveat on the cakes thing. He wanted to make sure they were going to be good cakes. Okay. And the way he made sure they were good cakes is he would call a bakery and order a wedding cake.

Because he figured nobody's going to screw up a wedding cake. Because it's somebody's big day. So you keep bringing it larry bird's house his castle larry bird we're having another wedding at the bird castle yeah we're actually uh putting together a production of uh seven brides for seven brothers and uh i just need to get this shit together that is a scary movie it is fucking it's a musical but it's about these like seven brothers who kidnap women right yes to marry and then they they take them to like a cabin in the woods and then like winter comes and haha their their

fathers can't come and rescue them because the winter pass is cut off and then they like they forced to like domesticate them and like they're like and looking for them dude this is fucking crazy it's like a classic musical mind you this mind you, this is hugely popular. This was a huge movie, and I think it was on Broadway. And it was just, it's crazy. I've never seen it. It's bonkers. And everyone's like, ah, romance. Yeah, exactly.

It's worth seeing now as like a cultural watch it. Yeah. What was that about? Yeah. It's like, yeah, we have Stockholm Syndrome the movie. Or the musical. Yeah. I'm kind of imagining now Larry Bird going to sleep, and there's a little bit of dim streetlight coming through his window.

But on the windowsill are all these grooms and brides just kind of watching over him. And he just pets them. From all the wedding cakes he's eaten? Yeah, exactly. That's the real reason? Because he wants his little collection of these? I don't like to be lonely. Larry Bird, we've always been here. Good brian good night maribel good night steven you'd never mess up a box in

one defense would you bride and groom uh oh wow this yeah seven brides for seven brothers is crazy is that orson welles did i make that no no i don't think so no i'm making shit up now because you think all old movies are the same. I think it's actually in color, so you may as well watch it. It is in color, so you should be fine. Gorgeous technicolor. Vlad Dracula. Vlad Dracula. Scary movie. Steven, it's time

for your first pick. Okay, my first pick, I think, I'm surprised it's still on the board, I'll be honest. The Exorcist. I mean, that's a classic. It's a classic, especially if you're catholic which i am uh it's you you got like you've got your bet hey it's scary as hell i saw it uh i saw it live it's a live report i saw it in theaters uh ifc put it out uh like a midnight movie and i was like really tired and it

was you know i'd seen the movie a couple times before that it's midnight it's like two o'clock in the morning i get out i'm on the subway platform and someone and my headphones on somebody tapped me and i just saw the face of the person and i jumped back like three feet like you don't even like that's how much this might have been a real demon or something it could be if it's in subway at like three o'clock in the morning yeah there are literal demons haunting the halls. This might be your devil's advocate moment. But it was freaky as hell.

And that movie gets in your head. It's very scary. Like I said, I was raised Catholic. There is a lot of like – so much of these movies, like horror movies, especially like anything about the devil is like, well, of course, Catholicism was right. First things first, Catholicism is 100% empirically correct. Let's take that and then move on. I think that movie never scared me that much. Really?

I think it's maybe because, I mean, I saw it when I was in my teens for the first time. Sure. And I was raised Jewish, and I was like, there's no hell, there's no devil. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I watch it, I'm like, what an unrealistic situation. But I mean, there were scary moments. There were creepy moments. The creepy stare thing.

For me, The Exorcist, I don't think I was ever really scared of it, but it's a great movie. It is a great movie. That's the thing. It's kind of both. Yeah. The puke effects alone. Yeah.

The puke effects alone. Nice puke. I like his relationship with his dying mother. That's pretty scary. You know what I mean? It kind of gets you in all sorts of different ways. Plus, you get cool, like, and again, I'm not Catholic now, but I was raised Catholic, but I like priests just hanging out,

smoking cigarettes, playing the piano. I'm kind of into that, too. Yeah, I like that aesthetic. Just sort of an innocent priest life. Exactly. Is that why you like sleepers so much? No, no, no. For sleepers, it's a little different.

Bobby De Niro. You could take that much? No, no, no. For Sleepers, it's a little different. Bobby De Niro. You could take that in this draft, too. Yeah. You could take Spotlight in this draft. You could take Spotlight. That is a scary fucking movie. God, that movie fucking shook me. It's funny.

I was raised Catholic. I was an altar boy. Yeah. And for a while, I kind of got fired-ish because I stopped going to mass. You were fired as an altar boy? They just kind of took me off the schedule. You have an alternate altar boy? Yes.

And so whatever. And there was this one priest who would always, like, grab your hand and do the hard handshake thing. Oh, no. Yeah. But that was his thing. And then all of a sudden, one day, he was gone. No one knew why. No one heard anything. Oh, man. And I never saw it. I didn't put two and two together. When Spotlight came a sudden, one day, he was gone. No one knew why. No one heard anything.

And I never saw it. I didn't put two and two together. When Spotlight came out, I was like, huh. And he was named in the movie. No, and then literally two months later, allegations had happened, and he had gone from church to church to church like that. Holy shit. Where they had basically, in my school, they shepherded this guy from one place to the other. So he was checking for for like a strong grip.

Someone who could match his might. I guess so. I mean it was a bizarre test. And it's just – you know what I mean? Like that's – it's terrifying. That is? That's one of the reasons he actually is so scary. So that was real.

That's fucking scary. Yeah. That's like you actually saw a demon. You took his hand and it was way too hard. Yeah. He pushed my knuckles to get – well, that sounds pretty bad, but yeah, he pushed my knuckles together. That was his thing. He also whispered, let Christ fuck you, like while he was doing it.

Hey, Steven, would you like to arm wrestle today? I get, what? I just get weirdly aggressive with young children. That's fine. And like, everyone's like, oh, hi, priest. That Father Anthony. We don't know. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, that Father Anthony. Directed by your your boy Bill Friedkin yeah yeah yeah Billy Friedkin that guy's got an amazing Chicago accent

does he really yeah it's just you ever hear him talk I can't even do it now but yeah it's just like it is a fucking

Bill Murray times 10 Chicago accent directing the fucking movie there with the yeah you know

these two fucking I can't do it it might be close it's hard yeah Chicago is a tough accent it is tough it's't do it. It's hard. Chicago is a tough accent. Philly is a tough one too. I can't do Philly at all.

It's all murder. That's it. And that's how you access it. But no one ever does it in movies. Murder ice. Yeah. It's not a big enough market. That movie, the dance movie with... Save the Last Dance?

No. Step Up to the Streets? Black Swan. No. Oh. Christ. Oh, not oh. Silber Linings Playbook. It's all about Philadelphia and the Eagles. Dance movie? That's their dance movie? They dance at the end.

You're right. They dance at the end. It's a dance movie. But it's all like, oh, Philadelphia. It's all this working class. And everyone's doing Bronx, New York accents. Yeah. And it's like, no, that's not how they talk. Like Nicholson in The Departed, and everyone's doing Bronx, New York accents. That's what, yeah. And it's like, no, it's not, that's not how they talk. Like Nicholson in The Departed, where he's doing this weird, where he's doing a New York accent the whole time,

except sometimes he'll drop an R, but it's so hard. Yeah, that fucking cat. In the bar. Yeah, it's like, okay. You saw that SNL sketch too, huh? Oh, yeah, right, yeah. Pach the coney, yeah. Exorcist,ist great my little sister max von seidel oh yeah he's just fantastic how is that guy all right tom petty is dead yes but max von

seidel is alive because he beat the devil in chess wait no there's a grim reaper so he beat the grim reaper and the devil yeah he did because then he went up to it's like you beat the Grim Reaper and the Devil. Yeah, that was real. Yeah, he did. Because then he went up to, it's like you beat the Grim Reaper, then you go up to finals with the Devil. That's a good bracket. And his next one he has to fight Cerebus, the three-headed dog that guards hell. And then finally you meet, you know, God. Bob Weinstein. He had to see Bob Weinstein's show.

Oh no, get out of the show. Man, Max von Sydow. He's fantastic. I'm looking at a picture of him right now. Yeah. Yeah, Tom Petty dead, Max von Sydow. Tom Petty died so Max von Sydow could live. Oh, that's it.

Thank you, Tom Petty. Great movie. It is time for my first pick. Oh, exciting. Of a scary movie. And I'm not going to get weird yet. Okay. I'm going to get weird later.

I haven't seen a ton of scary movies. But I'm going to go with, it probably sucks. It's a bad, it's not a great movie, but nothing has scared me more than Signs. Signs was a scary movie. I like Signs. Yeah, I do too. Okay, good. Yeah, I like it too.

We'll all come together and say that. Signs was good. Because people like to hate on M. Night Shyamalan, but some of those early movies are fine. Those were bangers. He made some bangers. He made some bad ones too, but that was a decent movie. Well, it has Mel Gibson in it, so that's the scariest. That's the scariest. I didn't even notice the aliens.

I was like, this guy would fucking kill me if he had a chance. Why don't you have more bump scares when he comes on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody should recut signs every time it's Mel Gibson showing up and that's the scary thing. Mel Gibson in a cornfield?

That's the scariest thing I've ever thought of. I didn't even think of it like that. That's most of it comes at night. How much he had to drink, that's the question. Oh, Mel Gibson? Yeah, oh yeah, he's, yeah. A lot. So what scared you about signs?

When you first see the alien it's amazing from that news footage yes from like south america and the alien there's like a children's party and then you see the alien for the first time i got so scared i've always been afraid of aliens i grew up uh watching the x-files and stuff like that and would like convince myself that aliens were coming to like abduct me. I was so scared. And then that movie was just the perfect combination of M. Night Shyamalan doing what he did well, being scared.

Because the twist, I didn't really give a fuck about. No, it's the water. It doesn't make any sense. It was like a War of the Worlds kind of rip-off-y type thing where it's like, it's been here all along. But just the alien wandering into that kid's birthday party. Because that is, and now, especially with the way the news cycle is, that is how we're exposed to atrocities. And actual scary things.

It was prescient in that way. Because if aliens did attack or a nuke did happen or whatever it is the terrifying thing is. It would be somebody's birthday party. It would be somebody's birthday party. You would see news footage. And that would be the first thing you would see. I'm not going to name a specific thing. I don't want to bum anybody out, but when you watch the news, something terrible has happened.

Yes. It's the same 45 seconds of home video footage over and over and over again. Somebody's cell phone captured it. Same thing with America's Funniest Home Videos. Same way. You're trying to film somebody's birthday party, but oops, somebody got hit in the balls. Oops. Yeah.

Also very scary. And then Bob saget freestyles over uh my that was a scary show by the way oh yeah america's funny stone videos yeah a lot of spills in that you get hit in the nuts at any time i hadn't even realized that these people were so happy in those in those fucking clips it's like a birthday party and then boom nut trauma it really i wonder how many people use the money they won from there because funny as all videos to pay their medical bills for that nut trauma it's probably more than you think yeah does anybody know did like thank you bob we still can't get pregnant thank you very much did the person whose nuts got hit get the money or the person who filmed it oh that's good i think it's the film oh my god oh they didn't share any of it yeah that's that's fucked up what a cruel twist of

fate yeah that's a good twist what if you videotaped your enemy getting hit in the nuts yes yeah what if you orchestrated it yeah this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by policy genius policy genius i'm I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day

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You get 10 grand. You got a toddler. They're pretty good with a bat you know nobody else knows that train them you go to this birthday party you brought the pinata you know this whole thing is that yeah orchestra maneuver meet me at the motel six uh get a coca-cola from the machine that's how i'll know who you are then walk to room 318 with the toddler. I'll give you the bat to use. Oh, man. Arrested. You're training like a Jack Russell Terrier to bite somebody's nuts. You put like peanut butter all over it.

I had a friend who saw Signs and he was in the room with his brother watching it. And his brother had like a kitchen knife or whatever that was in their room. I don't know. They'd been cutting open like a CD player or whatever yeah and he was just playing with it while they were watching it and then that happened and his brother threw the knife at the tv screen oh he was so scared he just like hooked it like go like that and then hooked a kitchen like a like a sharp knife like at the tv jesus yeah um i think that wins thus far. Now that I just picked it number one, I'm really – it's not – It's a scary movie.

There's a lot of scares. I had to pick the thing. I don't think I'm going to win this draft anyway, but like I just had to pick the thing that scared me the most when I saw it. The part when the thing's locked in the closet and its arms are coming out. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And it's one of those things where you don't actually ever see the thing until the end of the movie so you're pretty scared of it yeah yeah the early scenes with the dog i also thought were pretty scary when they're in the uh cornfields oh yeah and the dog is just sitting there like

yeah but then you get m night shumlin acting in that movie that's not he's sitting in a car i left it in the cam and i'm so sorry for what i did to you and yours yeah goodbye movie it's like okay thank you very much. Thank you, the Academy. This was great. He looks right down the barrel of the camera. Max von Sutter's like, do you assure you don't want me to do it? No, no, I got this, Max.

I'm very good. So Signs is my first pick. Okay. Going to move on to my second pick now. Oh, that's right, Serpentine. Yeah, Serpentine Draft. And I'll go weird first okay and i'm going to take an inconvenient truth okay which is a deeply terrifying movie yes and that it will kill us all i'm actually i'm so scared of that movie i've never seen it like i know i know like you know what dude i get it i am

i don't need to know i mean i i'm being ignorant i'm being willfully ignorant but yes it's just a little too freaky for me you know what i'll let you know steve it's not in black and white it's so you can watch it i i know i'm an ignorant rube but no it's just i know it's terrifying and it's in a box somewhere i know what you mean i know you because it's almost like hey we have footage of how you're definitely going to die. Yeah, exactly. Do you want to watch it? And they're like, nah. I know I'm going to die. It's cool. Yeah. Honestly, I'm kind of surprised, Steve.

Your favorite actor is Al Gore. You do? He's one of my top five. You love him in Futurama. That's mostly the work. Yeah. It's just so, it just sucks. After you're done watching it, you're just like, fuck.

And then the inconvenient sequel the second one that they did is just like even worse where like basically it's like well it's pretty much too late yeah you know and like they go and like check like these like icebergs and like these glacial melts and all this stuff and it's like we've the dramatic the level of change is so dramatic yeah that you're just like shit i, if this goes on, that's another 10 years. Yeah, the first movie's like, oh, there's a killer in the neighborhood. The second movie's like, the killer's in the house now. Right, yeah.

And there's another one that came out this year, Chasing Coral, where it's just like, yeah, if the coral reefs disappear, we're fucked. Yeah. We're just going to die. That's it. There's so many ways we're fucked. We're going to have to eat jellyfish get used to learning how to eat jellyfish and that's pretty much like the old because that's the only with the water's getting more uh acidic too that's like the only thing that's gonna live in there did you want to listen do you ever listen to s town that podcast oh i didn't listen to that guy i mean

like it's about this guy i mean like it's about a bunch of stuff but about this specific guy who winds up killing himself but he is so i mean he's got a lot of stuff going on, but one of the things is he's so upset about global warming. Yeah. He knows it's coming, and he's just like, he rants and raves about it, and then he takes his own life, and it's like, he's kind of right. Like, you know what I mean?

He is. Like, this guy's got, he's got his head screwed on straight, kind of. Yeah. There's no way out. It seems like now the things that would seemingly identify you as a crazy person are seeming more and more reasonable. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, suicide or lake of fire.

Like literal lake of fire. Like natural lake of fire. So, yeah, that one fucking freaked me out. It's terrifying. This podcast is usually very escapist, so I'm sorry to the listeners to remind you of global warming. That's just right outside your window and the acidification acidification of the oceans and everything yeah yeah the coral shit is spooky the great barrier reef is pretty much dead now yeah yeah we're done we're just

you're done you're sitting in your enjoy your podcast yeah yeah yeah enjoy going back and yeah criticize them for saying paul walker's got. Soon we're all going to be Paul Walker. Why don't you use your Twitter time for something else, guys? So I'm going to pick that and then quickly move on to things that are fun scary. Steven, it's time for your second pick. Okay. Have you ever seen the movie The Gate? No.

Oh, man. It's a 1980-something movie with Steven Dorff. As a child, right? As a little kid. Like like he's a little kid actor and basically it's a bunch of kids that find i believe it's an album that they play backwards and they also get a spooky but it's a it's a confluence of spooky events yeah that wind up like basically a horde they open a gate a gate to hell and a horde of demons come in and start like attacking them in all sorts of different ways.

The most troubling traumatic part of this is Stephen Dorff does some magic spell. He gets an eyeball on his hand and he has to use a dagger to stab it out. And it's like, and it's a little kid doing it. No, no, no.

It's, it's a very like, even. Yeah, exactly. I'm literally feeling it right now. Exactly. Like you just see this little kid grab a knife and and his eye, it's blinking, and then it's

just in his hand. It's like the worst of both worlds, because it's someone getting stabbed in the eye and in the meat of your hand, both of which are visceral. Very sensitive. No, don't do that. No, don't. Yeah, I think that that's one of those very like, ugh. I feel like you are paving over the bigger part, and that is when Stevendorf dances with

a dead dog. He doesn't dance with, all right, so there's a kid that is when steven dorf dances with a dead dog he doesn't dance all right so there's a there's a kid that is a popular misconception all right all right let's get something straight here he's not dancing it's it's the kid that nobody likes the latchkey kid in the neighborhood that nobody likes and his uh his mom uh has died recently yeah and he's staying over at Stevendorf's house. Oops, there's a horde of demons coming after them. And his mother calls him downstairs like, oh, mother.

And he's dancing with his mother very sensitively. And then everyone comes down. They're like, Roger, what are you doing? And they cut to what's actually happening. And he's dancing with a dead dog puppet. And he's like, oops, I accidentally killed your dog. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's a really fucked up movie.

Was this movie for kids? I think it was one of those like, oh, it's like 1983, so it's PG. You know what I mean? Like, even though it should be like,

you know what I mean? Like, no one's actually, there's no penetration. Breasts and three murders. Exactly. A PG Jaws. exactly.

So The Gate. Stephen Dorff in The Gate. I don't know if anybody else is in that movie i'm trying to remember i don't remember i'm reading about it now it was a heavy metal album okay yes it was a heavy metal lyrics based on the dark book exactly so it's like that that satanic panic thing of just like oh my god uh all of our kids are it's the 80s our kids are playing magic and our kids are uh like you know listening to ozzy osbourne have

you ever seen there's a special on it's on youtube of the satanic panic uh a geraldo rivera special from like 1980 god knows what no it is such a historic artifact of like people spewing outright nonsense knowing that they're lying about like well these kids you know what i mean like and just they get all these experts on they get poor ozzy osbourne high out of his mind yeah and like it's just like heraldo rivera like you know hitting fucking home runs intellectually off of ozzy osbourne like congratulations just loving it god back when he could do his bullshit when like there was no internet so people couldn't really fact check him exactly yeah he was so happy back then you just him and Maury just owned the whole place. They did. Guys that were even lower than them, I remember.

I forget their names. Morton Downey? Morton Downey Jr. Yes, that guy was a piece of shit. But to be fair, we still allow that now. There's so many hate mongers and nonsense people on YouTube. Yeah, on the YouTube. They all went to YouTube. Yeah. Oh, on the YouTube.

They all went to YouTube. You just name yourself after a fucking sushi and you're fine. Gosh. Yeah. It's weird, the internet now, where I'll get called kike by anime people. Yes. On Twitter. Yeah.

I'm like, whoa. What are we? What? I thought we were like cartoons. Your profile seems like a lot of fun. Why did Sailor Moon send me an oven meme? Jesus. But that stuff does happen.

The world really is a circle where you go so far one way that you end up on the other one. Yeah. Marissa, you'll be happy to know The Gate is a Canadian movie. Yeah. A little Canada love in it. Is Stephen Dorff a Canadian man? I believe so. That sounds right.

Oh, no, he's from Atlanta, Georgia. Oh, really? Yeah. He does seem Canadian, though, doesn't he? I would believe that. That's a good rumor to start.

Yeah, Stephen, he's from Edmonton. Of course, yeah. That explains a lot. The hockey build, for sure. Yeah, he does kind of a hockey build. Good Calgary boy.

Mm-hmm. Stephen Dorff, kind of a precursor to Paul Walker, I think. Yeah. But he's still around, though. Cleared a lot of the way. Yeah, yeah, still alive, but just like looks-wise. He was kind of a less handsome Paul Walker.

This is a heavy episode. It is kind of heavy, yeah. Well, it's just in time for Halloween. Aaron, it is time for your second pick. Well, I'm going to bring it back around to YouTube people, because there's some fascinating and disturbing subcultures in the world. The quote unquote documentary

Loose Change. You heard about this? Yes. I've seen it. Yeah, right? I still haven't seen it. No, you've got to check it out. I still have baited this piece.

For Halloween night while the trick-or-treater is coming by, you better put that on yeah chris is like oh you know what i know that it exists i know that it's all right i don't need to i need that rubbed in my face you're gonna dress like a canister of jet fuel and watch the way that inconvenient truth is to you yes loose change is to me exactly i know it's bad i know it's bad why don't i just stare in a mirror for two hours? There's like all these weird theories and like some of them is just like, what?

Like, oh man, maybe that fucking plane was like a hologram or whatever. Suspension of disbelief. What I love about truthers is like their absolute condescension for people that aren't crazy. Yes. Like, you know what I mean? Like, oh yeah, that's right. It was just, it was just Islamic terrorists. Okay, sure, buddy. Okay, there wasn't any It was just Islamic terrorists. Okay, sure, buddy.

Okay, there wasn't any ogres on those planes. Sure, sure, sure. I'll believe that. You fucking idiot. Open your eyes. What do you think the bottom half of the plane is? Ogres. That's where they keep them.

Two of them got loose, obviously. They kind of have to be condescending because their ideas are so flimsy. Yeah. You know, they're all sword, no shield. Yes, it's all veneer. It's all like this impassioned, you cannot break through me because I'm so impassioned about this. And you wonder if a lot of it is like

when it comes to, because there's that and people who think, what do they call it, crisis actors when there's a dude or something like that. I wonder if it's like an instinct born of not being able to comprehend that this evil actually exists in the world. And then being like, well, Sandy Hook had to be like fake people. And 9-11 couldn't have really happened. Because then that means bad things exist in the world.

And then I have to think about that. Or you're Alex Jones and you're like, oh, I could make money that way god what a fucking yeah oh yeah wars.com i ended up on that guy's website what yeah how i it was right around christmas just in time for christmas just in time for christmas uh and it was i don't know if you remember it was after trump was elected and i remember that yeah yeah i don't know if you remember. It was after Trump was elected and – I remember that. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you guys remember this guy, Donnie Trump. And I'm sorry to listeners if I told this on the podcast before.

But there was – Ivanka Trump and her family were on a JetBlue flight. Oh, I think I remember this. There was a gay man who was holding his baby and walked past them and then went back and was like, you know,'s ruining the country yeah for people like me it's sick you know yeah and uh all these you know the far right people were like she's off limits uh you don't get to go after the daughter even though she was like are clearly active in the campaign and 33 years old and a full-grown adult yeah exactly like and that guy was totally right by the way. 100% right which was what I was saying and I was online saying like

yeah, if she's going to be like directly profiting off of this she doesn't get to be comfortable and doesn't get to like exempt from being criticized by the people who she

like who's back she's standing on basically and it turned into this argument I was having with somebody whose screen name I should have known was like leftist suck or something like that. And in the middle of it, I was like, yeah, in the middle of this big conversation that had a whole bunch of other context, it was like – I was like, I'm not – because they do that thing where you're like, oh, are you crying?

Are you upset? I'm like, I'm not crying. I'm glad she's getting yelled at. Fuck her and her family. I don't care you know and they screenshotted that and it ended up on info wars with this picture of me like uh like hollywood comedian uh trashes like ivanka trump or something like that comedian elite comedian right and they used the picture of me from this competitive erotic fan fiction show that i uh my friend

runs that i did and i was wearing like a tank top look just like so hammered yeah and like so fat and sweaty in this picture like that's how you walk around all the time like yeah that's me yeah uh and yeah that prison planet guy like he wrote like an article about it and like tweeted it and then like alex jones retweeted it he wrote an article from his basement. From his basement in England where he cares about our politics? I'm afraid to leave my house, but you're in Lolita's scumbag. He's such a sweet little boy. He is.

He looks like he belongs in a Richard Scarry book. He's such a tiny little furry man. These Hollywood leftists are attacking this little, Donald Trump's little baby adult woman and her ideas. It was, I had to block. I thought you threw blood on her, by the way. You should have. I should have.

She should have blood thrown on her. Yeah, sure. Now this is going to end up. Oh, shit. We're going to get into, man. Yeah. Did you know that guy eats books? What?

Prison Planet? Yeah, he has pica. Yeah. He mentioned once in an interview that he actually like nervously will just eat paper and books and things like that. He's consumed Ulysses like 12 times at this point. Yeah, are you finished with the Confederacy of Dunces? You could say that. It was delicious.

I don't know if she deserves that blood thrown on her. No, no, no. She definitely deserves to have consequences for her actions. Consequences for her actions, man. I mean, like, you're not – especially now that she's part of the administration. Anyway, I had to block, like, 600 people on Twitter. Yep. They doxed me.

Oh, God. And all that. But I was like, go ahead. What are you going to find? But they doxed me. They got, like, my old address in Portland and, like, shit like that. Yeah. And were, like, you know, tried to dox my mom and stuff like that,

which is actually crazy. A bunch of sailor moons descended upon your mother. Tuxedo mascot. The samurai pizza cats were there. It was crazy. But yeah, loose change. All is definitely like a seed for a lot of that.

Yeah. It's like the, it's like that was like the, with the snowball going down the mountain with some of that kind of thing. Yeah, it's like, that was like with a snowball going down the mountain with some of these people. Yeah, and now we live in that snowball. It's pretty scary. Loose change, yeah. Chris, it is time

for your second pick, and then your third pick, as it is the serpentine. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay. Alright, to change it up a bit, well, Lost Highway, David Lynch. Okay. This is more confusion fear. Robert Lozier was terrifying in that movie.

Yes, as is, what's his name? The Little Rascal. The Little Murdering Rascal. David Blake? Yes. Or Robert Blake. Robert Blake. Robert Blake.

Yeah, yeah. This was one of those movies where I watched it way too young. I saw it like when it came out on videotape like first day it came out on videotape essentially and i remember watching it and i still had when i re-watched it recently i still had these memories of these shots in it where i was like like bill pullman just like wailing on a saxophone and like robert blake fucking like videotaping people and tell you, I'm home. I'm home at your house now. I just rewatched that and that is a great movie.

It is a great movie. It is pretty scary. I mean, I think most of David Lynch is kind of really scary. Unsettling for sure. Like in Mulholland Drive when that guy came out of the dumpster or whatever. Like all of Eraserhead is like completely shocking and scary still. Did you watch Twin Peaks? No, I didn't.

I've tried to watch it uh the original series yeah three different times every time it's been like a girlfriend who tried to get me into it and i'll watch it with her and then we'll break up before i finish it and it's have i swear to god it's happened three different and you're not gonna finish it without her no i'm like well now it makes me sad yeah exactly even if i was the one who did the breakup in one of the cases but i'm'm like, yeah. I'm like, well, I can't. And then somebody will be like, you haven't seen Twin Peaks? I'm like, no, honey.

Let's watch it. So now I won't even. Oh, you lie every time. You're like, oh, that's a totally new idea for me. Watch it. Yeah. How about Hugh Laurie and Chance instead? So I won't even touch it now.

But I heard good things. It's amazing. It's a great story. The ending is very scary, I thought. Yes, it is. Without giving anything away. Oh, right. Yeah, it's very scary. I met Cal McLaughlin.

He's a really nice guy. I met him, too. He's the sweetest dude. I met him at a wine tasting or a wine signing thing. Oh, that makes sense. A wine signing? A wine signing? Well, it was a wine tasting thing, but he would sign your bottle.

You signed the wine? He signed my wine. The liquid? Yes. He put his ink in it. He would put his fist into your thing of wine? He signed my wine. The liquid? Yes. He put his ink in it. He would put his fist into your thing of wine and then take it out and you would drink it. Oh, man. I would do that.

I would kind of look just like a drink his finger juice. No problem. I felt so bad for him, though, because it was like a three-hour thing. It was a line and all of these goons, including myself, would just wait in this serpentine line just to stare at him for four seconds and he was like oh that's your i mean he was super nice but he's also kind of slowly getting hammered which i totally uh agree with you know what i mean like that's exact situation to get hammered that's what you're gonna do and just like all these little goons looking at him being like oh my god you're my hero which may be exactly what i said to him as well. And everyone there from Portlandia, right?

Yeah, big Portlandia fans. When did you see him? A couple times, on Portlandia, and then at one of the parties. I was on the very first episode of that show. Oh, really? Yeah, and then like, because if you were in Portland,

you just got to be on it. It's kind of true. I didn't do anything special. And then he was on, I write on the Late Late Show show with james cord and then he was just on our show we did a twin peak sketch with him oh that's fun which was kind of him and judy dench oh wow yeah huh uh was she nice was she cool she's cool yeah yeah judy dench is rad yeah yeah she's sassy she played uh dnd with vin diesel did she really that's the story she learned it she learned it from vin diesel what and did she still play this was like backstage of the chronicles of

riddick or something yes like basically on the downtime he just went up to her he's like you know i play dnd she's like i will play dnd with you his actual his but his not on camera voice is like way not like that oh really yeah vin diesel's crazy what is it deeper somehow no no it's a lot it's uh i understand it's a little higher a little more lilting oh yeah yeah vinny diesel yeah good actor mark something or other right that's his real name i'm i'm doxing vinny it's mark diesel right? That's his real name? I'm doxing Vin Diesel. It's Mark Diesel. Okay, here's his mother's address. Mark Richard Diesel. The Vin part is real.

The Diesel thing? But that might be his last name. Yeah. Oh, Mark Sinclair. Mark Sinclair. Oh, wow. Maybe there's no Vin. I mean, it might be Mark Vincent Sinclair,

the middle route. He has a twin, too. Is any one of those actors who has a twin? Oh, that's terrifying. That's crazy. So there's just a not Vin Diesel Vin Diesel out in the world? Leland Diesel. Yeah.

Leland Diesel. Lost Highway. Lost Highway. I mean, it's just an incredible movie. Where does that rank on David Lynch movies for you? Oh, God. I mean, that's an impossible thing. But I would say in the same area as Inland Empire for me.

Wait, you're saying it's bad? No, I mean, I really didn't like Inland Empire the first time I saw it. And it grew on me with the second time. Again, this tends to be a thing with Lynch. What he's telling you, Eric, right now is you're stupid. He like yeah i was i was naive once too i thought once and i was i was foolish go home watch and land velvet's the top right velvet's the top i would say all right as long as we can agree on that yeah well i i always go back between that and eraser head yeah that's true and um firewalk with Me is really inching up there.

Over the years, it's really started inching up there. So I think those are my top three, if I was going to say. Okay. Your boy Balthazar Getty is in Lost Highway? He's also in the Twin Peaks new season. Oh, is he? Yeah, he has a small role. It's all about the name with Balthazar Getty. Balthazar is such an amazing name.

There's no way you're not getting work if your name's Balthazar. And then he's also the heir to one of the richest men who ever lived. Oh, who's that's it's all about the name with balthazar balthazar is such an amazing name there's no way you're not getting work if your name's balthazar and then he's also the heir to one of the richest men who ever lived oh who's that oh the standard oil oh really the getty so if you go here like get the getty museum uh in los angeles or the getty villa in malibu uh yeah they were just with a standard oil family so the guy guy, his grandfather was John Paul Getty, J. Paul Getty, yeah. That's the guy who wouldn't pay the ransom for his son when he got kidnapped. Yeah. That is not my favorite story because it's depressing as hell. But it's a crazy rich person's story.

Well, it's funny. Lena Dunham always gets so much shit like, oh, that woman comes from money. And I mean, there's a lot of reasons to give Lena Dunham shit. But that was the first thing. Everyone comes from money. So many people in Hollywood come from money. And I mean, there's a lot of reasons to give Lena Dunham shit. But that was the first thing. Everyone comes from money. So many people in Hollywood come from money. That's the arts.

It's a rich industry because people, you have the leisure to do so. Right. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to worry about picking coal out of a mine. Exactly.

You can be like, oh, what is man? Yeah, exactly. Rooney Mara's running around. Her fucking father owns the Giants and the stealers her family yeah and it's just like oh that lena dunham her mom painted seven pictures that bitch

i yeah i mean it's easy now especially now that like i mean income disparity so but you can't be mad at rich people or kids just for having that's like being mad at poor kids just for having been born poor exactly it's what they do with it. Yes. And Dunham's done some whatever. Wait, I thought we were hard right now. We are mad at those kids for being born poor. We are mad at the poor kids. Thank you. Good point.

It's good to straighten the ship there. Especially the ones who aren't white, because at least the white poor kids are white. Yeah, exactly. That's one bootstrap. We're talking like're talking like real white right like real real white yeah yeah purity purity we're talking about strictly uh lapland you know they automatically get into the kingdom of heaven yeah uh lost highway what is your third pick okay so my third is a movie um that this is uh gross scary okay this is something i genuinely dry heaved after watching it's a little no movie called society

um it is i i don't know exactly how to describe it oh that's great for a podcast but it's just it's a very like uh's a very paper, very easy plot. Like somebody goes missing and a guy goes investigate. Yeah. And he ends up at this house. And the whole ending of the movie is this house scene where there's an orgy. Okay. And in this orgy, all the people melt together.

And they show this. And there's heads coming out of asses there's like hands coming out of backs like there's all about like rich people it's all rich people it's a satire uh but it is the growth it's all wet and like slippery yeah there's all this it i have i have a pretty strong stomach with this stuff. Like, I can watch Dead Alive easily. That's nothing to me. Nothing, huh? Like, all those Cronenberg movies, easy peasy. But this grossed me out beyond anything else.

It is unbelievable. And it was hard to get for a long time because of how gross it is. Is it an American movie? I think it's American but it was directed by like an Italian I think. Brian Yuzna. I'm looking it up right now. Okay. It is oh god. Yeah I'm probably gonna skip that one. I'll be honest. I'm gonna

continue to skip that. So he made the so he's a Brian Yuzna, the guy who directed it, producer, director, and writer known for Honey, I Shrunk the Kid. And then Bride of Reanimator and Beyond Reanimator. Yep. Yeah, and then he also did this. This thing is – I mean most of the movie is actually pretty boring until this orgy scene and then you're never the same.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids can get a little scary. Yeah, that's true. Can you imagine being that size and there's an ant? actually pretty boring until this orgy scene and then you're you you're never the same honey i think the kids can get a little scared yeah could you imagine being that size and there's an ant that would be stressful right you're running up blades of grass all day the flip side is one hershey kiss yeah that's the rest of your life that's all you just carry it on my back yeah you hollow it out live inside it it. Oh, that's heaven. And there's that weird part where the... Is the mother about to eat the kid in the Cheerios, or is it the dad? Oh, I forgot about this cannibalism.

I think it's Rick Moran. Oh, he's about to eat his kid. Eat his own son. I mean, that's like your society movie. Yes. Yeah, it's an allegory for something. It's an allegory for somebody, for sure. This society movie sounds crazy.

Yeah, I... And the lead actor's named Billy Warlock., for sure. This society movie sounds crazy. Yeah, I know. And the lead actor is named Billy Warlock. What? His real name is Billy Warlock. He plays Bill Whitney in the movie, but... Oh, the Warlocks, the guys who owned all of the devil. Yeah, they got rich off the devil. He comes from family money, too.

Yeah, exactly. Jeremy Dean Warlock. Oh, my God. So the lead actor in this movie was like a Days of Our Lives guy. Oh, cool. Jeremy Dean Warlock. Oh, my God. So the lead actor in this movie was like a Days of Our Lives guy. Oh, cool. Yeah. There's nobody big. Really nobody big in it.

Like, it's all soap people. When you said the last scene was slippery, that was like the grossest. That's where it's... The fact that it's wet. Yeah. That's really the problem. Well, yeah. Why is wet so gross?

I wonder what like the... You know how like cats are afraid of cucumbers because they think they're snakes or whatever? I wonder what in our brain says wet is gross. Because it's not natural. It's not like sweat on your back. It's like somebody just poured a thick, viscous liquid on you. Is it like an afterbirth thing? Yeah.

Probably. That's kind of what we're afraid of. That's why we were terrified of Nickelodeon's Gak. Yeah. Yeah, that's why Double Dare getting the slime dumped on you. Oh my God. That was disgusting. Existential horror with Mark Summers.

Knowing what we know about Mark Summers now. How do you do that show? How does he do that show? Which for the listener, he's got OCD really bad. And like, yeah, so how do you host Double Dare? It's the messiest, disgusting, the fucking cake is everywhere. Snotty little kids covered in shit. And then he did What Would You Do?

It was like, let's take the sport out of it. Let's just fucking hit people with gunk. He deserved unwrapped later on in life. Yeah, exactly. He deserved to just go to candy factories. He probably didn't even go. He just deserved to narr go to candy factories. He probably didn't even go. He just deserved to narrate candy factory footage.

He probably just wanted to look at the wrappers. They're so clean. So clean, yeah. Before they touch the dirty candy. So society, great pick. Eric, it is time

for your third pick. Okay, I'm going to go with Henry, A Portrait of a Serial Killer starring Michael Rooker. Okay. And it is in color, Steve. It is terrifying because it's like a very – almost like a realistic portrayal of a guy that just like starts murdering people and you just follow him around in this process.

And that's kind of all that it is. Is it based on like Ed Gein? Is that how that worked? That might be. Yeah, I don't know. That was – well, that was more Texas Chainsaw was based on Ed Gein? Is that how that worked? I think it might be, yeah, I don't know Well, that was more Texas Chainsaw was based on Ed Gein, right? Yeah And I think this was somebody else This was like probably, I don't know

One of the other tap guys Yeah, because it was much more, it wasn't as theatrical as Ed Gein I mean, if that's a word to use to describe him There's this kill in this where they, like, what? He puts a TV set through someone's head or something? Yeah, that was it. And it's on? That's why, I mean, that's my next pick is gross point blank.

You can't go there. So I haven't seen this movie. It's about a guy who just walks around killing and discriminating. Well, he has a group of, he has a buddy. He's got like a gross friend that he ends up betraying, right? Yeah. And it's a very – I mean Roger Ebert loved it. It was like one of his great movies I think.

It's disturbing and it's – what's disturbing about it is not that it could happen but that this shit like this definitely happened and does happen. Yeah. Well, you're always at the – that's the weird – the creepy thing is you're always at the mercy of whatever somebody else wants to get up to today. You know what I mean? Like as we all learn, it's like anybody who wants to get up to today you know what i mean like as we all learn it's like anybody wants to get up and do some weird shit they're gonna do some weird shit yeah yeah you're not as in control as you think and so like how many is it is it gruesome is it what like how in what way is this movie scary more i believe it's scary but like what's the tone i mean it's it's gruesome and like it it's almost yeah but it almost goes to sadistic.

But it's also just like the randomness of victims is kind of scary. There's no explaining to it. It's very kind of of the moment. Oh, it was because his father was a mean old man. Yeah. It was just like, hey, man, this fucking happens. This dude is out there. That's pretty creepy.

Yeah. That is maybe the scariest thing. And I mean, that made Michael Rook and I mean that made Michael Rooker that movie made Michael Rooker it's a great great performance incredible performance

I like me some Michael Rooker you didn't see this Steve I'm really surprised I've never seen no shots you love creeps man this guy loves

serial killers it's disturbing I don't love are you one of those serial killer lovers I'm not people there but there's a lot of people

just like flat out love serial killers. I'm kind of almost there, but the word love in serial killer is a hard one. His homepage is the Wikipedia page of Jeffrey Diller. No, I was going to say he's more of an appreciator. Yeah. It's an art form. An aficionado. It's a fascinating thing.

What do these people do? Oh, my God. Why did he do that? You know what I mean? Yeah, it is morbidly fascinating. Absolutely. I'm a morbionado. It's a fascinating thing. What do these people do? Oh, my God. Why did he do that? You know what I mean? Yeah, it is morbidly fascinating. Absolutely. I'm a morbid guy. Again, this is the thing that I think a lot of people are interested in.

Yeah, my favorite murder. Yeah, all those movies. Yeah, I like all those kinds of movies. The Keepers. The Keepers. Yeah, I find it creepily fascinating. Jeffrey Dahmer was an all-timer. You know what I mean?

That guy was like the weirdest guy who literally ever lived. Handsome, too. Handsome dude. What's some weird Jeffrey Dahmer stuff? Because I'm not one of those serial killer people, but I'm interested in it. The sex zombie thing is the big one. Oh, he would like, what would he do? He would drill a hole?

He would drill a hole in your head and put acid in it. I think it never worked, but his idea was – He's still tinkering with it. Yeah. He's more avant-garde. He was an inventor, really. Yeah, exactly. He's a tinkerer.

And, yeah, he would, like, try and basically, like, remove any and all brain function aside from, like, a living thing that he could fuck. You know what I mean? Jesus. And it's just, like, the sickest shit in the world. And, like, why would you do that? Yeah yeah and here we are coming down hard on harvey weinstein up on our high tower i want harvey fire to be like fucking finally someone gets it i'm not we should do pr for for weinstein we are yeah yeah. It's going to be us and Lisa Bloom. We're going to go out there. We got a good campaign going here.

It's him. He's not Dahmer. He's not Ted Bundy. He was in Fargo for a second. Yeah, so Henry Porter of Assyria. Michael Rooker, man. Mallrats. Mallrats.

I've seen Mallrats so many times. So good, Mallrats. He's great. He's great in those Guardians of the Galaxy movies. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was very sweet in the second one, I thought. He's great. He's great in those Guardians of the Galaxy movies. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was very sweet in the second one, I thought. I still haven't seen the second one. I'll say no more.

But he's good in it. He's very good in it. That's his movie, I feel. Yeah, it's a lot of Michael Rooker in that movie. Is it a lot of him in there? Yeah. Good for him. Yeah, good for you.

Long journey for that guy. Steven, it is time for your third pick. Okay, I'm going to go weird a little bit. And it's the first movie that ever scared me the most. One of the most scared I've ever been in a movie theater. Yeah. Roger Rabbit. Oh, yeah.

The dip is terrifying. Here you got this cute little shoe and it is being tortured and its existence ends right on screen. So that's it. Those are the stakes we're playing with Roger Rabbit. And then you've got Bob Hoskins. He's trying to fuck... Oh, scary. He goes to question Jessica Rabbit

and then this terrifying nightmare version of Jessica Rabbit comes out and tries to fuck his face and he's trying to run away from it. And then, of course, the ending with Christopher Lloyd, where he talks just like that. And it's the most freaky thing. It is freaky.

And I just remember that part, I closed my eyes for the last 20 minutes of Roger Rabbit because I was just so terrified. Because you're in this fun little cartoon world. Exactly. Where you kind of exist as a kid anyway. Exactly. Everyone's like nice.

Yeah. And you get to see all your friends. And then at the end, it's hours. Yeah. I was just really worried of how Bob Hoskins was going to get out of that warehouse. Yeah. Because I'm like, you are a staunch, heavy man. Yeah.

You're a pre-Christina Costanza. You've got these weasels everywhere throwing shit everywhere. I'm like, he's fucking dead. He's got to be. There's no way he gets through this and then of course he does yeah they're throwing like bowling balls at him and shit yeah and like sword singing swords or he has the singing sword yeah then he tosses back i yeah i mean it doesn't scare me now obviously i'm a grown man i'm fine with it but it's just one of

those like i remember that being the most scared that i've ever been in a movie and like going going home at night and being like oh fuck is christ, is Christopher Lloyd going to come and saw my bed in half? Yeah. Christopher Lloyd, dude, what a ride. Like, for him to go hard villain. Was Who Framed after Back to the Future? It was, right? Yes, yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. He's like, oh, he's such a nice guy. I love Christopher Lloyd. He was also in, what, Star Trek 3. He's an evil klingon yeah oh yeah yes he is he kills uh crookson i think yes yes he does yeah yeah you're right on that but spock comes back so you lose you win so he's also a villain because he was in piranha 3d i mean he's a villain for a lot of reasons yeah he's a villain he's that creepy old hobo and denn Dennis the Menace as well.

Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Like, Dennis the Menace gets kidnapped, and like... Oh, yeah. If you look at this movie in the cold light of day, it's like, that's kind of weird. Like, he's kidnapped by a grown man. And they take him under a bridge, like this hobo camp? Mm-hmm, exactly.

It's like, you know, Dennis... And his only hope is Walter Matthau. The stakes were high for Dennis the Menace. They were. Unnecessarily high. With a different director, that could be a very different movie. Exactly. Same script.

Lars von Trier's Dennis the Menace. It would just be called Menace. Yeah, Roger Abecra. I'm going to, for my next pick, for my third pick, I'm going to kind of stay in that in that land okay good and i'm gonna take uh charlie and the chocolate factory oh god that movie's a horror show man that tunnel that tunnel is so fucking scary even still that tunnels kind of throws you off yeah yeah but like as the whole and it's that that stands out i think that's the scariest thing about it but there's like the whole thing there's a little bit of like, this guy's a maniac. Yeah, you don't know where he stands on everything.

Yeah, you don't. The glint in his eye, which could be interpreted as like, oh, whimsical or fun. There's sort of like a mania to it. He seems like a maniac a little bit. He's happy to kill these kids, essentially. He's totally to it. He seems like a maniac a little bit. He's happy to kill these kids, essentially. He's totally with it. I kind of refuse to eat chocolate because I was like, I'm that fat German boy.

Yeah, that's his group. That's me. I'm seen. I'm here. I see it. You witnessed your own death. And I was like, okay, so if I drink chocolate, I'm going to be thrown into the furnace.

Yeah. Doesn't he get sucked? Does he get sucked into a furnace? And then it's supposed to go to a furnace or something like that. And the guy's just like, eh, c'est la vie. I told him not to eat any of the furnace. Yeah. Doesn't he get sucked? Does he get sucked into a- And then it's supposed to go to a furnace or something like that. And the guy's just like, eh, c'est la vie. I told him not to eat any of the candy. Better hurry up and get him

or he's going to be ashes. Well, it's like Saw as a kid's movie, right? Yeah. All these moral choices you have to make- Totally. Yeah. To get through. Oh my God.

Wait, was it Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Yes. My bad. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was the book. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is the- And then the Friday Night. Yes. My bad. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was the book. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is the- And then the Bernie and the Jack Sparrow movie. Yeah.

Which is scary for different reasons. Yeah. Is that the most- Is that Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are the most unbridled? I think that's Johnny Depp at the last time he really thought he was getting into character. Yeah. Yeah. These Jack Sparrow things, he is the laziest piece of shit in all of those movies.

Oh, yeah. And, like, that one was, I felt him trying at least, but he was definitely, like, on 11. It was so 11. Yeah. He, like, didn't he, he played him like kind of Michael Jackson-y. Yeah, very, like, lilty, high voice. Yeah. Creepy.

He had a monkey. But that's the thing. Like, Gene Wilder, it was like, I don't know what this guy's up to. Like, he pretends to be my friend, but why is he killing all these kids? With, like, the Johnny Depp thing, it was very overt. Like, he's very creepy. Look at his hat, you know? Like, oh, he's got a creepy hat on, so I get it.

This guy's wearing makeup. What's the deal with this guy? Yeah, you don't know. Yeah. Oh, here it is. There's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going that's a terrifying thing to have to put in the hands of a kid yeah there's no way of knowing where we're rowing or which way the river's flowing is it raining is it snowing is a hurricane

of blowing yeah that shit's scary wondrous boat ride from willie wonk on the chocolate that's that's like edgar allen poe shit that's kind of is just chilled the listener if there's a frumious bandersnatch in there yeah it's basically the jabberwock you just throw it right in and then just like the rest of this kids dying left and right yeah gene wilder's just a little bit unsettling in there which i kind of love about gene wilder there was so much going on behind his eyes yes even even in these like pure comedic roles which was which makes him such an interesting well i feel like he was so underutilized he was always so underutilized yeah he was great in this he's great in um everything you ever everything you ever want to know about sex but young frankenstein he's also great in that but like i always felt like in the late 80s he would do these

like schlubby i'm a i'm a husband or like a 45-year-old businessman who's looking for love. Or like me and Richard Pryor just opened a bag full of diamonds. I know. Just being like Pryor's kind of straight man. Yeah. Jobs who's so overqualified for. Like Funny About Love, The Woman in Red. Like there were these piece of shit movies and they

tried to make it was like you're trying to make gene wilder a romantic lead he's dead right yes or a year almost a year ago yeah i think it was more than a little more than a year ago now just one of the souls that had to be offered up to 2016 yeah he made it to 83 so he was all right but yeah yeah definitely one of the forgotten. Bowie wasn't enough. Had to take Gene, too. Yeah. Well, Gene wanted to go see that heaven,

or that concert they were having in heaven. Oh, man. Isn't that the worst thing? It's just so bad. Where it's like, oh, man, Prince and David Bowie jamming up in heaven. They gotta be doing it, man.

They're all in a big fucking cartoon house together. Yeah. Like, why would they even talk if heaven exists? Sure. Why would they continue to play music for people? And why would they like each other? Prince was a weirdo. Prince doesn't want to hang out with David Bowie in heaven.

Prince got all into like Jehovah's Witness stuff and was like very judgmental. He would live in a big, weird, purple house with 10 elevators yeah in heaven you don't want to be allowed you can search the contours of space and time no let's have a jam session right like it's the traveling fucking wilburys again we're making them yeah what do you have to do your job welcome to heaven you have to do the thing that was your job you spent your whole life doing this do it more welcome to heaven where anything is possible pick up that guitar. Yeah. We're going to put all your faces on like wolf t-shirts from now on.

We were actually talking about this earlier at a bar that there's only two members left alive of the Traveling Wilburys. Oh, yeah. So Bob Dylan and Jeff Lynn. And when they die, fucking jamming in heaven, dude. Yes. That's all they can do. That's the only thing they'll be able to do. Fucking George Harrison's tapping his toes up there waiting for everyone.

Well, that just was almost like a creepy idea. It's like you get to the afterlife and they're like, now you must work. Now you must perform. And like, it's a little, it's like the end, we were talking about this recently, the end of the Titanic. Why does that old lady have to be trapped forever in the worst night of her life? Yeah. It's awful.

And then she throws that diamond and makes that weird noise when she does that. Plunk. Yeah. And it is now time for my fourth pick. Ooh. All right, I'm going to go with one more that is another sort of more traditional scary movie

for this one, I think. Okay. Well, maybe still not that traditional. I'm going to take Cabin in the Woods. I love that movie. Oh, yeah, it's good. That movie was so fun. And I almost feel guilty taking it

because I'm not a fan of horror movies, so a lot of the tropes that they were playing with, I probably didn't even fully understand what the references were. I still just had... And maybe this is more a scary movie in name than it is in effect because I wasn't ever really scared during it.

But I just had such a fun time with that movie. It makes – but that's – the movie works because either – you either get all the references or you kind of get that they are references and you can move on from them. That's kind of what it was. Yeah, yeah. Like you can tell if two people are fighting in Italian. Well, maybe Italian not. But you can tell if two people are fighting in French. Yes, exactly. You know what that is and you is yeah just move on like oh they're mad at

each other i get that i can appreciate that like you're either looking laughing at the puzzle box because it's funny or because it's hellraiser you know it doesn't actually matter right yeah exactly and uh i don't have a ton to say about it was just like a really sort of like fun movie i always thought the merman was really scary like i actually i genuinely was like that's fucked up it's something you haven't seen much of no and i like and that's the thing we were talking about not enough merman horror there's not many like horror movies about under like the scariest thing to me is the black lagoon bottomless the bottomless and width of the ocean oh yeah and like the idea that we've never really made

a great underwater monster movie. Jaws, I guess, is the one. What about The Abyss? I haven't seen that in forever, but the James Cameron movie. Is that any good? There's too many aliens. Is there aliens in there?

It's an alien. It's an alien. Oh, yeah. I want it to be like a weird fish. There's also Sphere, which that's like a comfort movie for me for some reason. Sphere's not bad. Yeah, Sphere yeah it's kind of just an okay movie i like dustin hoffman screaming like a woman a lot then yeah he gets really like lilty sphere is good yeah i haven't thought about

sphere forever dude hang out with me we'll watch i am dad if you if you want to just put on sphere yeah just and like leviathan i think leviathan's the only other one i really like think about when i think of underwater monsters isn't that the guillermo d'altar new movie is going to be uh an aquatic monster yeah but it's like a roman yeah it's like a cold war movie but yeah i mean like the shit that exists on the in on the ocean like you just see these creatures and you're like well that's a monster that's actually a monster real that's a real monster i mean you get that moment from Signs I was talking about, not news, but you get just like a monster passing by. Yes. Because you can see so, especially deep in the ocean, you see that undersea footage where they finally got footage of a giant squid.

It's just like a small circle of light, and you see some stuff floating in the water. And then all of a sudden, there's this massive creature that is so at home in the environment that you're in and you can't even breathe, you can't move quickly and then this thing just glides past you. It's so scary. And they're all evolved to be like murder. Literally, I'm a creature that is just a sword. Life is a journey.

You know what I mean? It's like a sword with eyes. That is how fucked up the ocean is is that they just evolved a few different swordfish well yeah pretty soon it they're all gonna die yes it's gonna be jellyfish so you know right yeah eat up our delicious jellyfish a swordfish is just a sword with a motor behind it exactly it's god made a sword with an engine on the back of it it can swim 70 miles an hour and it's's a sword. Oh, fuck. Can you get some more gas?

I gotta start up the swordfish. It's a living... A shark is just a fuck... is a lawnmower with a fucking back. Yeah. You know what I mean? It is. Yeah. It's a fucking meat grinder

and a way to get it to you faster. Exactly. And then, like, there's also not just swordfish, there's also narwhals and marlins. There's that shark that has, like, a really long pointy nose with teeth all along. The ocean is fucked, man. The ocean's very terrifying.

And I've never seen anybody be able to really harness that shit. No, nobody has. Like, even the X-Files episode with the Loch Ness Monster is a much more interesting and like scary little moment in like sea aquatic terror yeah and then half of these movies that they make i i scuba dive and there are moments when you're you try not to think about it and mostly you're like diving and you're like 40 feet down you can see the bottom and stuff but there are moments where you're like scuba diving certain dives and you look down and you can't see a bottom you just see it getting darker and darker and darker and like it's really one of those moments where your imagination can get away from you for a second and there's so much room just everywhere you're like something

so big could be down there and a minnow would make it look like something's moving and that would all that's all it takes yeah yeah back in the boat yeah i don't know if i could i don't know if i could scuba dive that might be something where I'm not. I didn't think I could. My whole family does it, and I didn't think I could until I did it. And then I was like, oh, this isn't so bad. But there's still those little moments where the ocean is just terrifying. It's just, ew.

Yeah. Even whales are scary in a way. Whales are fucking terrible. There are houses with mouths. They're so big. Yeah, yeah. Meathouses. That's a great band name.

Meathouses would be good. They're opening for Charlie Bliss in Wisconsin. That guy Jonah lived in a meathouse, right? He did. Jonah and the Meathouse. What about this one, God? It's called Jonah and the Meathouse. I'll punch it up.

He lives in the stomach of the meathouse. And, you know, there's no plumbing. It gets drafty in there. There's no good. Steven, it's time for your fourth pick. My fourth pick will be, it's a newer movie, so you could rent it. You can go to Blockbuster and rent this movie. The Conjuring 2. Oh, really?

Not the first one, the second one. I thought that was an effectively, A, it's got a scary, creepy nun nun in it which we've already established is terrifying that one takes place in england right yes they go to england that's a spookier place uh it's got you got a little bit of that puppet but not much uh the puppets in around the annabelle thing that everybody gets in oh yeah which i hate fucking puppets i can't handle it that's the scariest scariest episode of The Twilight Zone is the one with the puppet, the guy that turns into the puppet and the puppet that turns into the guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What? They do kind of do a vice versa thing, but it's a guy and his puppet. It's like Freaky Friday. Oh, okay. Yeah, but with a puppet and a puppeteer. Was it Ventriloquist? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Okay. I saw this one. Yeah. I mean, it's not just a guy with his puppet. The episode was called R.L. Stein's The Night of the Living Dummy. Oh yes, classic. Classic piece of literature right there.

What I saw gave me goosebumps. Oh, Eric. Yeah, you went straight to Horror Street. Is that what that was? I don't know. Or Fear Street? Fear Street. Ah, I fucked that one up. That's it. No, but The Conjuring is very scary. There's a very terrifying nun that's got like black eyes. And like those movies, I don't like Saw, but like most James Wan's later movies are all really effectively scary.

Insidious is terrifying. The first Conjuring is very scary. But like he does not jump scare, but like something's not in the frame and then it's in the frame. And it's just this really effective like you're scared in your house watching it you don't have to be in the theater you know what i mean like you're just literally like i'm gonna be you don't have to have that spell cast necessarily exactly a small screen thing yeah you're even like oh look at twitter for a while oh that fucking nun's still there we're still fucking with that nun scary movies are interesting to me in the way that like in a time where movies have become so franchise based or just even ip based you know pre-existing things that are there in the culture

sure and yet there's this like almost cottage industry of like horror movies and scary movies where they're making like that's original ideas yeah and like and that blumhouse yeah yeah house has been really like killing it this year like get out yeah huge thing uh and then at the second annabelle movie did incredibly well i did it uh and actually it's much better than the first one i didn't like the first one i didn't see it i'm not fucking with a puppet for 90 minutes if it's a movie that has a puppet in it sure yeah but i'm not just going to a puppet movie for yeah i see what you mean yeah yeah you yeah, yeah. You know what you like. You're not going to watch a Jeff Dunham special.

Wood Monsters. That guy's going to go to hell, right? Jeff Dunham? Yeah. For sure. That's fucking crazy racist. He's so, it's crazy how racist he is.

It's insane how racist he is. And everyone's just like, puppets, ah. That's funny. Akma the dead terrorist. Jesus Christ. He's got a jalapeno on a stick that he makes a little Mexican voice about. It's crazy.

And Netflix is like, yeah, give him a special. What are you doing? It's crazy. And as a stand-up comedian, ooh, Vera Farmiga's in The Conjuring. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Not to go off topic immediately. I love Vera Farmiga. Oh, she's great.

Yeah. And her and Patrick Wilson, it's actually, would say uh it's also like a good movie like they have like some relationship troubles that like kind of play out throughout the movie and like there's a part where patrick wilson plays the guitar and you're like oh this is kind of a real movie and then that scary nun shows up and then there's like also horror stuff happening yeah exactly vera farmiga has trouble with a relationship face yeah she's any movie she's in it's just like oh she's had that sense up in the air yeah she looks romantically at home she looks romantically disappointed in you like right you know what i mean like that's that she just looks like i can't believe you did this on christmas we

all let her down i can't believe she does have that face uh eric it's time for your fourth pick okay i'm gonna go with also a newer movie and a nice curse I love a good curse It Follows that's a good one and also you know the sexual terror I like that another good band name

sexual terror we're sorry we're sorry for our name so I never saw It Follows I know that was one that I should have said I mean that's a prevailing theme of this podcast We're sorry. We're sorry for our name. So I never saw it follows. I know that was one that I tried to say. I mean, that's a prevailing theme of this podcast. Eric, paint a picture.

All right. Well, there's a – she has like a – Micah Monroe. Sex with the family. Micah Monroe has sex with a man. Yeah, and he's like, I'm sorry about this, but I had to get it away from me, and now it's going to be coming for you. And it's just like this being that shows up as different people, and it's just slowly following you. And if it gets to you, it'll kill you.

And then you have to have sex with someone else to pass the curse. Oh, really? Yeah, so it's like an STD allegory kind of thing. But when that person dies, it goes back to you. Oh, shit. So you have to keep fucking different people. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of a J But when that person dies, it goes back to you. Oh, shit. So you have to keep fucking different people. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of a J-horror premise.

It's very still. This reminds me a lot of Kiyoshi Kurosawa. It's well-made. It's a beautiful movie. Great soundtrack. It's a home run. That is that thing of getting into the deeper thing. What am i bringing home

with me when i bring somebody home with me kind of right centering it on a female in that sense was actually really really powerful right because those are the people who have to think about that the most when they bring someone home yeah is this person going to kill me yeah right is that right that's half their thoughts i would imagine what you learn in your early 20s is the thought that women are having all the time and then you're like like, oh, the world. Oh, shit. Oh, wait, I'm wrong. Okay, yeah. I'm the problem. That makes perfect sense.

And it's been 2,000, 3,000 years of me being the problem. Exactly. And then you turn off your anime Twitter and you're like, you know what, dude? I've grown as a person. You want a picture of a dog. I'm going to be a different kind of terrible person online. I'm going to throw it all but the first two ghosts in the shells.

It follows. It always picks up around the end because we've been in here for like an hour and 45 minutes. We do go on. Chris, it's time for your fourth and then your final picks. Okay, so I'm also going to go recent and I know this is a favorite of Steve's as well.

A little movie called Martyrs. Oh, you actually stole my pick. That's it. It happened. It happened. You saw it here first. It happened. Martyrs is just the most absolutely befuddlingly terrifying movie ever made.

To me, it is on a different level. It's a French movie? It's French. It's part of the new French horror fad that's been going on for a while now. There's satirical elements to it. It's criticizing

the church, clearly. What's... It was a one and done for me. I've seen it like three times at this point. It's so brutal, but why? Because you never get shocked like that very easily. So basically somebody gets kidnapped? Two women are kidnapped and they are brought to this very nice home and they are kept in a basement area.

And they slowly, slowly essentially start putting, this group of people starts putting them through tortures. And it turns out that essentially it's, it's a cult that are trying to find like the new divine one. And they think that through pain is how you find God essentially. Right. It is. That's true by the way. It's very true.

Jesus would tell you so. At the ending, I mean, there is stuff in the ending where I genuinely did this thing. Oh, really? He's putting his hands over his face. Thank you, Derek. Everyone nod in the room right this second.

It is an audible medium. I always forget about that. So it made you literally, like, you had to, like, it turned you into a kid. I was terrified. And this was at home. This wasn't even in the theater. Yeah. It's also not an afternoon movie. Because I just, like, it on one afternoon you know what i mean like oh we're gonna

go out later let's go martyr sounds great and like the whole night was ruined like yeah we're just kind of done that was it yeah that's like at the end of your day kind of movie let's just order a pizza and then sign divorce papers exactly yeah i'm gonna go live in an apartment that a nun was killed in or died in. I'm going to sleep in a closet. So what is this French, just quickly, what is this new French extremist thing that's going on? Like High Tension is another one in that school. There's, oh God, a few more that I'm just blanking on. Inside, Inside's a big one.

Yeah. Inside's absolutely terrifying as well. What are the hallmarks of it? It's brutal. I mean, usually, like, martyrs, there's a skinning scene that is really hard to get through. Yeah, skinning is a problem. Yeah, yeah. And there is a specific, like, it's brutal without being overtly sadistic. Yeah.

And I think, to me, Saw movies are actually sadistic because the whole point of that movie is to watch people be tortured and scream. Whereas, like, this movie, that's part of it. But the overarching idea is bigger. There's a lot of ideas going on. There's a lot of themes going on where they're like, that's not exactly what we're interested in. So it's sadism to an effect and not for the sake of sadism. Yeah, precisely. Okay, great.

Great movie for somebody to watch in the morning, actually. A good 9 a.m.er. You won't need coffee. Get one of those yoga balls, knock out some push-ups. I think we just came back from brunch and we're like, hey, let's just watch Martyrs until we meet people at the bar. Oh, no. Did not happen.

So Martyrs, fourth pick. Chris, time for your final pick as well. So my final pick, I'll go for more of a childhood one. Uh, the wizard of Oz. Oh yeah. That's a fucking scary movie. When I was a kid, I was like horrified by this.

Cause I didn't know there were so many ways for the world to fuck with me. Like I, for a minute there, I was like, wait, I genuinely, for a moment I was like, I could have a house dropped on me.

That's a genuine way. i might die in my life i could have a house dropped on me yeah right or a flying monkey is going to take me up in the air and drop me yeah like and that's it and i was like all this shit is terrifying there's a witch up in a tower you know what else is scary what big green faces always always and like and the little white guy behind it doing all the things he is also it's always a little white guy an allegory for dick cheney and george w bush yes that's what they were that's what they meant they knew yeah they saw it coming they knew going deep yeah it's like you oh the one person that has control oh he's just a guy yeah he's got a bullshit a religion that's gar that's garbage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The illusion of power.

Yeah, God is a tiny man behind a wall. And then the beginning, like, oh, the dust bowl. That's a great way to be living. Yeah, I would have tried to stay probably in Oz. You can get some good work out there. Oz would have been way better than the dust bowl. Oh, easily.

Yeah, you're eating a dead sparrow that fell out of the sky. You can eat everything. At that place, it always looked like you could just chew on the grass. It did. And it would be delicious

and nutritious. Then the Wizard of Oz became spooky again later when there was that whole rumor that you could see somebody who had hung themselves

in the background. And the Pink Floyd thing. Did anyone ever do the Pink Floyd challenge? No. No, I have not. I think Snopes had come along

and been like, nah. It's a one-page article. Yeah. One word. Nah. Actually, it was wish you were here. It wasn't the dark side of the moon.

Yeah. Yeah, The Wizard of Oz is spooky. It's a scary movie. Actually, it circles around to finding out that your role models are cowards. Because I went to uh my mom worked late so i went to an after-school program and the guy i i took up with uh the guy who ran the thing because he was like a movie buff and i just like would talk to him all the time about movies and at some point we decided we're gonna watch the wizard of oz and he's like okay i'm

gonna go home now and everybody was like why and he's like this movie scares me to death really and i was like why and he's like the monkeys man and mind you i just watched this guy drink a jar of pickle juice right like i imagine he has no fear yeah like and at this point he's just like no i can't do it okay i i will i will have nightmares tonight if i watch this movie wow and i was like oh oh, Jesus. Okay. And I mean, even at that point, I had gotten over my fears. It's elemental, though, for some people. Yeah.

The Wizard of Oz, great pick. Eric, it's time for your final pick. Ooh. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Son of a bitch. Everyone's taking him off the board. Because it's like, you know, I grew up in the woods in the Catskills. And there always just like if you if you come across the wrong like weird inner bread family they're gonna like take you to their horror house not the good ones the good inner bread oh no there's some fine people out

there it's a cornbread with a chainsaw but like the idea of driving through texas and then being taken in by like a murder people you know murder people. Well, yeah, all the murder people. But when it's a family of killers, it's just even more unsettling. I mean, literally, that's a movie that still makes you unsettled to this day. Oh my God, it's so unsettling. I could see the entire scene of him

running around with that chainsaw at the end. It's so dusty, and it looks hot. Yeah, that's another layer to to it because I fucking hate that. Yeah. The heat and the dirt. It's like, come on. Just hot and dirty. Oh, yeah.

And why do people want to have sex in that scenario? Definitely not. That I don't get. Let's go to the hotel first. Let's put the fan on. There's got to be a motel around here. I'm sorry. Yeah, they could't fuck in the car

fuck anywhere else fuck in the middle of a field get van morrison going yeah you know what i mean figure it the fuck out uh there's loose bones in that movie too there's loose bones there's a dinner scene which is very disgusting oh yeah there's like bludgeoning oh that that was always the one that killed when he like opens the door and he's right there and he slams the person over the head. And they shut the door and that's it. And to me, that was like an awakening. I had watched horror movies when I was younger, but I saw that for the first time in college. That was my first year in college.

Yeah, yeah. And that changed my whole thing. I was like, okay, I i'm gonna watch horror movies like freddy and jason are fun and genre-y but like leatherface is just like i could see that being real yes yeah yeah leatherface there's it's too real to like dress up for his halloween and be happy will be like fun you know because if yeah if you're jason for halloween people are like oh that's fun but if you're leatherface're like, you should leave this part. You're fucked up. Yeah.

I mean, I can imagine doing a Netflix and chill thing to a Jason movie. A Texas Chainsaw Massacre on the other hand. I would run screaming. It's never Leatherface versus another monster. You're like, yeah, yeah. I don't want to do that to the other monster. Leatherface versus Roger Ailes. Yeah.

That I would watch. The Titans. Face versus Roger Ailes. Yeah. That I would watch. Class of the Titans. Texas Chantel, great pick. Amazed it lasted this long. Yeah. You know, you're right.

Steven, it's time to find out your final pick. Marissa told me, pick the ones you want early because they're not going to be there later. It's true. Totally fucked. It's true. Totally fucked. All right, so I'm going to go with a backup, an alternate. But it is still terrifying.

I think this movie gets much maligned for the era it came out and kind of what it spawned that's an unfair way to talk about the boss baby little babies that are alec baldwin scare me they are creepy as fuck can we talk about weird talking babies no uh the blair witch project oh yeah absolutely i was that was on my list it's a terrifying movie. And many people are saying, no, it's a movie that it's like, oh, it's a one-trick pony. It's not that scary once you know what's going to happen. I've rewatched that movie, and it's very chilling. And it's kind of this movie about, when I've rewatched it, it's about the reality of making the wrong decision.

You know what I mean? Like we've come to the wrong place. Right. And we're fucked and we're just going to go through this situation. It's going to suck. And everyone's casting blame at each other like you would in such a situation. And like you know that you're the one that made that decision. You kind of have to have that psychological kind of like horror of like I fucked over my friends.

Like I was the one that wanted to come out here and now a witch is gonna eat us they're gonna die because of me yeah and the last shot of the guy in the corner oh god that's scary it just it bothers me it's like bothersome him being in the corner is so much scarier than like if they would have shown the witch or whatever exactly yeah just that like brief like he's in the corner head down yes and then it's over and the and the found footage genre is like genuinely is sparse with movies that are actually good yes for sure there's maybe five of them tops because now it's there's so many of them like the the idea of like well why would you keep filming you know what i mean like you always have to answer that question that movie does a pretty good job it's like well they're a film crew and also they're like having a mental breakdown so

they want to have something to do yeah you know what i mean like there's some sense of obsession and desire like i have to do this i'm i'm willed to do this yeah whereas like and they can't control themselves and that's kind of part of the horror i feel you think the blair witch was like the blair witch herself was like oh shit video cameras yeah yeah she started like she taped an SNL audition on it. She's huge on YouTube. She does music reviews and on the side does alt-right jokes. She's got the market cornered. She's got a Twitch.

Her and PewDiePie, yeah. Yeah, that's a good movie. And it's another thing where they're in the woods when it's dark yes yes because I grew up in Oregon and like it's another thing where like if you don't think about it you're fine but if you like start thinking about it you'll really freak yourself out oh for sure you're like

it is so dark up here anything could be like 10 feet away from me you look from your face yeah yeah great pick I will do I will now make my final pick oh my mom just called shout out to saint sue carmel um i'm gonna make my final pick now and i'm gonna go just because my my draft has been a disaster and i'm gonna keep it as a disaster right now you're not you're not gonna write the ship i'm not gonna no i'm not gonna like make

some amazing pick where you're like oh that was good i'm now going to pick a terrible movie okay okay and i like because it's terrible and it is technically a scary movie a horror movie uh i'm taking the wicker man the remake the remake okay yeah yeah yeah not the original which is like a good movie amazing i'm taking the nicholas cage remake just just for the things from the for the internet that it gave you it is fun man it is so fucking fun and punching people and getting the bees you bitch it's so funny punch isn't he wearing a bear mat he runs up in a bear mask and punching somebody out punching women in the face dropping them down it's like what is this movie about insane yes it's in it's the peak of like insane nicholas cage like it's never gonna get better it's never gonna get

worse yeah it's just it's that's the best it's so crazy and i saw it in theaters oh i never i didn't see it because me and my friends were like yeah let's go see uh nicholas cage it's supposed to be like a cool movie let's go see because Cage. It's supposed to be like a cool movie. Let's go see. Because we saw it like the first weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then went and saw it. And like the whole time I was watching it, I was like, what the fuck? And then another thing, I was like, what the – how the fuck is all this happening?

Because it starts out like a normal – Scary kind of – Oh, this could be good. This could be – you know, when it's setting the table. And when they get to that island, it just falls the fuck apart. It is so crazy. Well, it is part of a grand tradition of absolutely terrible movies

directed by Neil LaBute. Yeah. The guy has just made nothing but garbage movies. Wait, the playwright? Yeah. He directed that? He directed that. No shit.

I am not kidding you. That's crazy. Great playwright. Very interesting. You get that guy in a black box theater you'll enjoy yourself i was that was something i was shocked by when i read about that he had done that because you know it's usually like ben stiller having an affair and then like snapping at somebody for ordering the wrong canapes like yeah yeah it's that stupid shit and like all then all of a sudden he's like yeah i'm I'm going to do the Wicker Man with Nicolas fucking Cage.

Wow. And that's a movie that has like three different endings where like one, it's like it ends with like James Franco in a bar and like he's the next chosen to go out there. And one of the girls walks up to him. Yeah. And there's like two or three other alternate endings. Right. They throw the ring into the mountain. Yeah.

The ghost army comes down. An eagle picks up Nicolas Cage. That's what, Nicolas Cage, why didn't he just use the eagle the whole time? I know, yeah, it would have been so much easier. That is a big plot hole. Do they explain that in the books? I don't think so.

Where the eagle's just like, no, fuck you guys. And then eventually they're like, oh, it is getting out of hand. I have other huge eagle things to be doing here, man. I know. I didn't read the Wicker Man books. Incredible series. They're great, yeah.

You've been getting into fantasy, so you should. I'll pick it up. When they break into Elvish, it gets really tedious, but you kind of just have to go. There's songs and shit. Were the eagles just like America and Middle Earth was Rwanda? And it was like we just showed up when we felt so guilty that we were just like, fuck, we better do something. Well, nothing can be done, so let's do something. Now we've waited until nothing can be done.

I just pulled up the Wicker Man. It's dedicated to Johnny Ramone. What? Cage dedicated the movie to dedicated to Johnny Ramone. What? Cage dedicated the movie to his friend Johnny Ramone. And he just died as if that wasn't bad enough. Nicolas Cage and The Wicker

Man is one of those things that you hear about Nicolas Cage where it almost happened. You know like Nicolas Cage and Superman? Yeah. With the long hair and everything where you're like, oh, I can't believe that almost happened. But it actually happened. They made that movie and they put it out. They actually did it.

It's a bizarre... The fact that studio heads were like, yes, this is the one. You hear about so many people like, oh, we have to recut this movie because it's wrong and add different elements. So I was like, yeah, The Wicker Man, totally. Go ahead. And whatever was original, like before the cuts,

I'm sure it had to be better than whatever the fuck was actually put on screen. Yeah. Or at least crazier in a fun way. Yeah, exactly. And almost made its money back. Good for them. Good for them.

My God, the bees. The bees. I could watch the bees all day. My God. I could just, you know what? Like, wake me, if I'm feeling blue, put on them bees. The nice thing about The Wicker Man is if you're listening and you haven't seen it, don't watch it. But just go to YouTube and look up, like, the Nicolas Cage supercut from it.

Highlight reel all the way. That is a fun thing to watch when you get home from brunch. Isn't that? Yeah, exactly. Isn't that the Rosetta Stone for this now, like, tidal wave of shitty, crazy movies he's been doing? Yeah, I think it is. I feel like that was the one that all of a sudden he's like i'm just gonna be a lunatic in movies i'm free they're gonna pay me and it's

just gonna go straight to dvd or it's gonna like play the quad or something like some tiny little theater in nowhere 100 i think it really is it's a christopher walken thing right where it's like oh if i now everybody knows how they want me to talk so i'm just gonna do this forever and always get the camera. And they set him free. Yeah, exactly. And now I'm going to really overdo it. Yeah.

I'm going to do my J. Moore. J. Moore's impression of me will be my life. Do you think Nicolas Cage gets it? He's in on it, right? I think he has to get it. I think he gets it, too. I'm not entirely sure. No.

Maybe it's like a thin line. He's a wild, crazy lunatic. I went to New Orleans for a wedding not so recently. Yeah, he was there. Has anybody seen what will be his tomb? No. Wait, what? It's a pyramid, a whole white pyramid in the middle of a Louisiana cemetery.

I have a picture of this somewhere. Wow. I will go and pray to them. It's a humongous thing. He spent untold money on this thing. It takes up like five plots in like this famous, famous New Orleans cemetery. And he's like, I have to be here.

And it has to be a cemetery that's a pyramid that's bigger than eight feet tall. So it's gonna be like a sarcophagus? The whole thing? Yes. You know what the craziest thing about it is? There's a copy of the Constitution buried under it. That's where it is. Oh my God, Hamilton had it wrong.

The whole time, Alexander Hamilton was wrong. I've got to find Lin-Manuel Miranda. I always love in that second, we were like, oh no, it seems like my great great grandfather was involved in Abraham Lincoln's assassination I gotta set the record straight like absolutely not

no that was me I'm like yes that's so cool yeah right exactly I'm fine yeah I didn't do anything

yeah guys this was so fun it was it was a lot of fun thanks for having us let's go over the picks Chris you went first and took The Descent

Lost Highway Society Martyrs and then The Wizard of Oz. Eric, you went second and took Dracula, Loose Change, Henry, A Portrait of a Serial Killer, It Follows, and then The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Steven, you went third and took The Exorcist, The Gate, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Conjuring 2, and The Blair Witch Project. Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Conjuring 2, and The Blair Witch Project. And then Ian, you went fourth and took us. Oh, God, my draft. Signs, An Inconvenient Truth, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Cabin in the Woods, and then the Wicker Man remake.

I am dumb. I'm a dumb person. We left some amazing movies on the board, of course. Oh, yeah. No Psycho or no Hitchcock movies. No Hitchcocks at all. Yeah. Because they're black and white and boring. No, no.

Rear window's color, right? Yeah, no. I like those movies. Psycho, yeah. Silence of the Lambs. Nightmare on Elm Street was left alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the big franchises, Halloween.

Yeah. Halloween was, yeah, I should have done Halloween. It's just so big. That was one of those picks I was like, eh, I should have done Halloween. I have, like, it's just so big. Like, that was one of those picks I was like, eh, is that too on the nose? I think this is where

you put a lot of people on to some cool movies. Exactly. Like, Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Check that out. Have a spooky evening.

Yes. Have yourselves a spooky little evening. Halloween night, just watch Roger Rabbit. Just in time. Willy Wonka. Watch Willy Wonka

in Inconvenience with Loose Change. And if you love Loose Change, check out the Zeitgeist movies. I've seen that. God, those are also fucking crazy. I haven't watched any of those. Gets baked as fuck and watches Zeitgeist movies. Is it Zeitgeist or is it Loose Change, the one where he keeps re-editing it to add

new stuff to it? That's Loose Change. There's like 17 different cuts. Yeah, and it's like nine hours long now. And each one completely negates the last one. It's like, alright, I was wrong, but... Look, it proved... He's trying to work up to a full Showa.

He wants it to be like 15 hours long, eventually. And then he'll die happy. God, Showa. Has anyone tried to tackle that? I've watched it. You've watched it? I watched it all the way through. I don't think I ever finished it.

I think I saw like two hours. I mean, it's an incredible movie. It's one of the best movies ever made. But like, it's a hard one. Oh my God. As it turns out, it's pretty hard to get through. Yeah, my grandmother survived the actual one. I don't think she'd want me to have to go through a 15 hour version.

Never again. Guys, a burn, Matt. Never again. Guys, thank you so much. If you're listening to All Fantasy Everything and you enjoyed these gentlemen, or even if you didn't, fucking go check out We Hate Movies. Yes. It's on the HeadGum Network.

It is. Yeah. Go check that out. Like, oh, shit. Do you guys have anything to plug coming up? You guys are also comedians and performers? Not much. When does this come out?

Yeah, when are we going to put... Oh, this will be out next Thursday. Okay, so we're going quick. The 27th of October will be at the Jacob Burns Film Center in Westchester, New York. And funny enough, Chris Cabin... Society will be playing at this. We're doing a movie marathon

and we are going to be live riffing a 35mm print of I Know What You Did last summer oh that'll be great I love that movie it's a great movie yeah a lot of fun and you can see me the only show to plug come see Good Looks my stand up comedy show

in Los Angeles at UCB the first and third Wednesday of every month and And then if you're in Portland, Oregon, on December 22nd, I'll be doing my new hour of stand-up comedy at the Revolution Hall. So it's already like halfway sold out. So get on those tickets soon if you're in

Portland. And that's it, guys. Thank you so much for joining us. Thanks so much for having us. And tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything does that someone want to say the words shaklakity right now that's how we end every podcast shaklakity perfect that was a hate gun podcast