All Fantasy Everything - Sea Vessels (w/ Jason Concepcion, Shane Torres, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

Ships, boats, and uh...other carriers of people on a body of water.   Episode Guests: Jason Concepcion @netw3rk (IG: @x_netw3rk_x) Shane Torres @shanetorres (IG: @shanetorres)   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel) Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan) David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87) Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. In science fiction, right? No. Spaceships fall under... You're not bringing space. Spaceships fall under the purview of the Navy. I'm just saying... This is a late ad for spaceships. Fine with me.

I'm just saying, if the spaceship is referred to in naval terms, I think it should be okay, personally. It's not all spaceships, but the ones that are referred to with naval terms. Hold on, you're taking maritime law into the galaxy. I think we start the podcast right here with Jason's statement. I think we open right there. Yeah, let's do it. Also, quite a move to pull right out of the gate before any of us know this. I love it.

You weren't here, Shane. You're like the first guy to do steroids at Mr. Olympia. This is bullshit. So we're all doing this. Everybody, right? Welcome to All Fantasy Everything, a podcast already in progress. Yeah. Discussing the rules, baby.

You're not going to believe this, but Sean S. Jordan on Twitter is wearing a South Dakota themed hat. It says Si the rules, baby. You're not going to believe this, but Sean S. Jordan on Twitter is wearing a South Dakota themed hat. It says Sioux Falls on it. He's about to leave for Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Baby, going tonight, taking the reddest eye you can get. I think leaving at like one in the morning.

Does Sioux Falls have an airport? Joe Foss International Field. Shut the fuck up. They shove you out of a FedEx plane with all those flights to Edmonton. Yeah. International. Joe the fuck up. They shove you out of a FedEx plane and send all those flights to Edmonton. International. Joe Foss, international. Red-Eyed-A-Winnipeg once a month. It'll get you there.

Once a month. It's the only airport named after an evolution denier. Yeah, man. I'm excited. Joe Foss. I like this new intro. We're just hot. We're coming in hot. Yeah. All right. Here excited. Joe Voss. I like this new intro. We're just hot. We're coming in hot.

Yeah. All right. Here. You said Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Quick. Get those dates out quick. Fast. Faster than you think.

Seattle, September 6th at the Comedy Bar. Capitol Hill Comedy Bar. Please come see me. Nobody's going to that. And then October 29th, I'm filming a special in Portland, Oregon, Mississippi Studios. There's like 30 tickets left for the late show. So go on and get them. And go to High Note Comedy

last Thursday of every month. I forget every single time to bring that up. Omaha, I'm coming for you November 16th. Just booked it. Omaha. You're going to Omaha? Going to Omaha November 16th. Look at this guy. You're going to meet Bud Crawford.

And then obviously we'll be at the High Plains Comedy Festival. Two live AFEs with a curated AFE stand-up show and then I'll be in Vancouver, Canada with Ian Carmel as the headliner I like to think of it as us co-headlining

I'll be opening, Ian's always very clear about that that I'll be opening, he makes sure you guys don't get to read the text, but he's like, would you like to come open for me, and he makes it in like weird fonts I didn't even know he knew how to do that, but he does it. And I say, yes, I'd love to. And that'll be November 30th through December 2nd. That was quick, baby.

Goddamn right. Shane Torres is here. Yes. At Shane Torres on Twitter, Instagram. I imagine TikTok as well. I think. I don't know. I don't really do it. He's out here, dude. Yeah.

I mean, I know I have it, but I truly have. I don't know. I have never posted on there. I know I have it. Shane Torres hitting the heavy bag like George Foreman in that Muhammad Ali doc. Just putting a hurt on it. Boom. Boom.

Punching through it. You got to punch through the bed. Another great Texan. Me and George Foreman. What's your best punch, Shane? Yeah. Oh, probably overhand right. Slipping left. Overhand right. Like over? Like over?

Yeah. Yeah, you throw it. You do that? Yes, I do. And you're tall enough to do that. It's an audio medium Sean so describe what you're doing it's like he's throwing a baseball Sean looks like he's trying to figure out how to masturbate for the first time the way he's doing this

it's like I go well I was six Shane what do you expect that makes sense because you lost your virginity when you were nine. Yeah, different timeline. Every three years, I have a new weird sex thing happen to me.

I was talking about, Shane and I were texting about boxing the other day because I just, I go to the gym and hit the heavy bag for like three minute rounds as cardio. Like I'm not, I don't know anything. And Shane was throwing all these technical terms at me. You're in it deep, man.

I'm liking it a lot. It's been good for me. I'm enjoying it. I sparred yesterday. It was nice. I went to the church with you, man. I was in the arena with Shane. Oh, did you come?

Did you meet me at the gym that day? Yeah, it was sick. Yeah, it was fun. It was a good spot. When you spar, are you really hitting the guy? It's a pretty controlled environment because I'm not really going to compete with anyone until

I need to. You know? Yeah, so it's very controlled. What does that mean? Until I need to. When? What do you need to? What do you need to? Probably, I don't know. Probably next time we see Sean.

If civilization collapses? Every now and again, I'll make fun of how dirty your shoes are, and you'll give me 30%, and it makes me want to cry. So I don't know if I can handle competing. I think you got me. Can I plug my dates for fuck's sake So I don't know if I can handle competing. I think you got me. Can I plug my dates for fuck's sake? I don't want to talk about the thing. I don't post any of this on Instagram.

None of this is on socials. None of the boxing stuff. That's why they kind of come here for it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. The fight game. All fantasy, everything presents the fight game.

With me, Teddy Atlas. Exclusive Shane Torres boxing content. Yeah. You can only get it here on the AFB Patreon. Shane Fong Torres, go ahead. Let's get those dates out, baby. Please, yeah. First of all, got a new special coming out. Yes!

Netflix passed on it this week. Yes. They have no writers and no actors, and they still said we'd rather not. Have you thought about recording it in, like, in Hindi, and then having them dub over it?

Because they seem to be very into that right now. Well, no, but I think with a little Hollywood... I think it can help you get it released in Korea. You can maybe produce it in Korea. Yeah. Do your special in Korean dub it back over? I should have gone international. Yeah.

And hey is the same in every language. Hey. That could be Korean. No, because some of these languages are tonal, Sean. So it's actually not the same. Well, now I can't do. All right, fine. Now you can't do anything.

You sit there and shut up until I'm done. All right. But I got a title. The Blue-Eyed Mexican will be out on some streaming service at some point. I love that. Yeah. And you can catch me coming up next month starting in September I'll be on

Burt Kreischer's tour all over the place so check his website and my website for that and you're singing on that too that's what people don't know you're not even

doing stand up right you're gonna go hit one of those bags that looks like a uvula this is the last time I'm doing this podcast no you're doing it Sunday.

You're going to be on again next week. I don't want to rematch. But no, catch me. Some things. Real quick. He's not here, but I'll be in Cleveland at Dunlap's October 6th. No, October 5th, day after my birthday. And somebody else is going to be in town that's a member of this podcast family

who's not on it today. So, maybe. Marissa? Actually, that's not right. Fuck that plug up. October 6th, come see me in Pittsburgh at Bottle Rocket. All right. Like, you've made it easy.

Do you play any cities where the auto industry didn't fail? Or is it exclusively like the steel and the rust fell? He only does cities where the largest body of water has caught fire in the last 30 years. Sorry, I'm out here trying to get the real American vote. Didn't you guys watch the GOP debate last night? Eerie Pennsylvania opening for Vivek

Ramaswamy. Yeah, well you guys are in liberal Vancouver, Canada. Who knows what's going on there? We're bringing, yeah, but we're like bringing the, we're going hard right. Are you doing House of Comedy? Is that what you're doing? Yeah, we're doing House of Pies.

I'm doing that on, I'm doing that tomorrow when I get into LA. No, no, so October 6th, Bottle Rock in Pittsburgh. It's a very cool venue. I would love to see you guys there. I actually will not be at High Plains now, sadly. I got, since I got added to that, but yeah, I had to, But I have good reason. Bert added me to that tour and I'm playing the American Airlines Center, so I'm

finally going to get to meet Mark Cuban and Dirk Nowitzki. Wow. I wonder who's going to do these fucking live ones then. This will be interesting. Wow. Well, we're going to miss you. I don't think we've ever had a different guest. I'll miss you guys too. You'll probably have to find somebody else to shit on in person, Sean. I're going to miss you. I don't think we've ever had a different guest. I'll miss you guys, too.

You'll probably have to find somebody else to shit on in person, Sean. I'll come shit on you. I can take a flight out of there real quick and get back. Out of the international airport in Sioux Falls? By the way, their one international flight is just for refugees they're sending back home to wherever they're from. They were like, I'd rather be in Darfur. And did you have any more dates, Shane, or you just want to be a prick? I hope something

awful happens to you. Wow. Shadescomedian.com. Keep an eye out. Listen to No Accounting for Taste with myself and Kyle Kinane. And yeah, come out and see me at the shows, please. And thank you to everyone who came out in Florida last week. Some AFE listeners came out.

It was nice of them. So they drove quite a ways. Nice. Oh, yeah. I forgot we hollered at Shane and then we FaceTimed him. Then he called me the next day. He was driving through a big old Florida rainstorm, right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It was fucking four in the morning my time. You, Kyle. Was he? I can't even remember who it was. I was there. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking four in the morning, my time. You, Kyle. I can't even remember who it was. I was there. Jason Concepcion was not on that FaceTime, but he is here in the

All Fans Say Everything virtual studio. It's great to see you all. Some of you I haven't seen in a few weeks and months, so it's wonderful to see you. Thank you for having me. It's wonderful to see you at network on Twitter. That's right. X is now known. On X. That's right. X's is now known.

On X. That's right on X. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a bummer. They like acid washed it? Yeah, they did acid wash it. That's crazy.

They musk washed it. Looks like a Godsmack, like a Godsmack album cover or something. I have no dates to plug, but I had a movie that came out last week, or the week before, called Miguel Wants to Fight that I co-wrote with Shea Serrano, also a member of the

AFE family. I'm on Strikes. I can't mention the platform, but you can just go ahead and Google it. Miguel Wants to Fight. Miguel Wants to Fight. It's a touching coming of age story that's... Imagine the sandlot, but about getting into

neighborhood fights. I mean, talk about an elevator, bitch. Man, seriously, it's... I was just thinking about that. The pressure that is put on, like, when you're I don't know, 11, 12, the fight... Sounds like you're gonna nail it. Oh, yeah. Dude, that shit was so... I was just're I don't know 11 12 the fight sounds like you're gonna nail it oh yeah dude that shit was

so I was just I don't know why probably because I get fights in my algorithm all the time but I was thinking about some of the fights I saw in middle school and how insane they were and how neither one of those ever wanted to fight like the kids never wanted to do it maybe one of them sometimes but yeah it's just such a weird thing about being

I don't know like a 10 11 year old boy it's crazy i mean there's got to be somebody in here who's on the writers guild oh yeah well if you go to hulu you could probably check it out we're not allowed to talk about that yeah wait i can't tell if you're doing a bit can i talk about it yeah i mean if you're not in the writers guild yeah i well i'd like to go i If I were a movie-going person, if I were out there to watch movies, I would go to Hulu, and I would watch Miguel Wants to Fight. It's streaming right now, so I don't see any reason

why you wouldn't go do it. I didn't say it, but thank you for saying that. We're not allowed. I just really can't comment on that. No, the Writers Guild can take a long walk up a short pier. I could give a fuck. So, yeah. You know what? We'll take a long walk around. Oh, wait, wait, wait,. So, yeah. You know what? We'll take a long walk around. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Never mind. I love the Guild. I love the Guild. Every studio in this friggin' hot, hot, hot city. There we go.

Nothing, no, nothing crass towards the Guild. I wasn't saying that. I was saying the way they're being treated. How about that? They can take a long walk

off a short pier. The way the Guild is being treated can take a long walk off a short pier. way the guild is being treated can take a long walk up a short pier very smooth really well put together and that saying in keeping with the overall theme of

water today yes oh yeah with pier yes indeed it is that's why he's a writer and he's in a guild fictional seagoing vessels my name is Ian Carmel Twitter Instagram TikTok That's why he's a writer and he's in a guild. Fictional seagoing vessels. My name is Ian Carmel.

At Ian Carmel, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. I'll be in Vancouver at the aforementioned dates with Sean Jordan. I will be in Austin, Texas December 8th and 9th at the Vulcan Gas Company. Come celebrate Hanukkah with your boy Ian Carmel. Those are my dates. That's it, baby.

I'll be doing Livewire in Beaverton at some point in October. No, you will not. In Beaverton? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm here almost the whole month. I'm coming.

In Beaverton, baby. Culture in Beaverton, Oregon. Oh, my God. Why is Livewire in Beaverton now? Because there's a big theater out there and there's a lot of people who live in Beaverton. And I think Portland's best comedian

ever is from there. Theaterton. When's the date? You don't know the date? Funchess is from Beaverton? Oh. Get the man. Get the man.

No, Shane. Amy Miller is. Got you, Amy. I got you. I got you with a compliment, Amy. I got you with a compliment i got you i got her back uh we are we are gathered in today not to talk about beaverton though it is a glorious place we're here so okay so we're 30 minutes later we're fantasy drafting what up until this recording started we thought were fictional sea going vessels sea crafts was the verbiage. Seacraft. And Jason is thrown.

Yeah, which if you're a listener, take a moment to think about what you think of a fictional seagoing vessel is. And then hear what Jason's idea of it is. We said fictional boats. Did we not? I said boats. The text you sent to me was Seacrafts, Jason. Yeah.

But here, let me ask you this. If you take a boat out of the water, is it not still a boat? Because I have at least one that will be. I think it's a case-by-case discussion. The only time my dad's car broke down, he called it a piece of shit and not a car. So I don't know if it's not on the road. Your dad had a car, will you? I didn't know you were rich, my friend.

Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, didn't your dad live in his? We call it an apartment. Driving apartment. Driving apartment. Yeah, I guess boats are spaceships now, too. Yeah. I mean, listen, I'm all for, I like throwing a curveball.

I'm up for whatever. I can play jazz. I just want to put it out there. I'm not even saying that I would necessarily partake. I'm just putting it out there. If it's referred to under naval insignia like with SS, USS,

HMS, whatever that happens to be. Well, let's play ball. What does HMS stand for? Her Majesty's Ship. Hold me, Sean. Yeah, I will. I love you so much. Oh, HMS stand for? Her Majesty's Ship. Hold me, Sean. Yeah, I will.

I love you so much. Ooh, HMS. The way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ooh, Shane wins.

Natural victory I should have known he made a fist Come on That's the only thing you can do with those hands anymore All you do is make a fist or please a lady Those are the only two things those hands can do anymore Well One of those is true

I've seen those hands grab a whiskey sour a time or two You've never seen me drink a whiskey sour. Whiskey soda? Yes. Sour. What am I, your grandmother? He's sour enough on his own, Sean. He doesn't need the drink salt.

Shane, with that, before you determine the order of the draft, which it is your right as the winner, I have to tell you, it's a serpentine draft. And what that means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. I've been usurped.

Did I use it right? You've been usurped. You did. In fact, I was thinking you've been usurped. We had a fucking moment there. I am on a roll. Spell it,

Sean. Spell usurped. I used trepidation the other day, like twice, which is too much in one day. And then I used, oh man, What did I say? I said, God damn it.

It sounds like trepidatious, but it means tumultuous. I used tumultuous the other day. I was like, holy buckets. I'm out here. And then I used candor. Fuck. I used candor last night. So if you think about it, it's like if you're going through the dictionary and you're looking at like candor. There it is.

Trepidation, tumult, and you're like, oh my god, I used all those correctly. Let me make sure. Tumult, trepidation, candor. You go back. You kind of go back. You keep going back and forth down through the dictionary making sure you used all those words like the right way. Candor means like if you're straightforward,

right? Like if you're like no bullshit, kind of straightforward. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I did use it right yeah out here out here he's out here what did she say i appreciate your candor with the price of these groceries and are these bananas a set price and they said yes and i go i appreciate your candor sir we can't sir we can't stop you from drinking the hard Mountain Dew, but we can. Your boy got his hand. Oh, Isaac took off, dude. Isaac didn't want to

deal with this shit anymore. Everybody keep your audio going. So I got my hands on a 12-pack of hard Mountain Dew. You got his shaking hands on a 12-pack. My bloodshot red eyes focused for a brief second

on this fucking 12-pack of Hard Mountain Dew. I was just like, so I bought it. It's sitting in the garage. I don't think Laura's seen it yet. When she does, we're going to have to renew our vows.

I'm going to have to reassure her that she made the right choice. You would say that your assets are liquid right now. Are you using it in case your car runs out of Freon? Like, I don't understand why you would.

Because I run out of Freon, bro. Oh, God. Keep that stuff away from any baby turtles that happen to show up in your garage. Otherwise, you're going to have a whole situation on your hands. There's already nunchucks in there. That'd be kind of tight. Shane, with that

flipped explanation in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I think... Shane Torres, standing on the edge of a ship in a peacoat. I think I see the Statue of Liberty. I already got a New York accent. Let's put the host first today. So we'll go Ian, Sean, Jason, me.

Whoa. Okay, wow. Thanks, bruv. I almost... I feel scared. Because you're a coward, dude. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Thanks, bruv. I almost, I feel scared. Because you're a coward, dude. I'm a coward. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a coward. You're not a coward.

All right. Well, I go first. Appreciate your candor. Very nice. Very nice. It's a podcast ahead of us. And I am feeling some trepidation about my first pick. But luckily, I have a short break before we get to it.

And we're back. Welcome back to All Fans Say Everything. Curveball City. The podcast is just not doing the bits today. It's not doing them. You think you could throw a curveball? Of course. Don't say it like that. I played six seasons in the Major League Baseball. You don't even know where to hold the stitching, bro.

In the Major League Baseball. You don't even know where to hold the snitching rope. In the Major League Baseball. I like sports. Why do I call it the Major League Baseball? I have no clue what that rules. You didn't even do it on purpose. No. I played six seasons, baby. I was in the Major League Baseball. I was in the show. You're like a guy who just got here from Puerto Rico and is learning to I was in the show. You're like a guy who just got here

from Puerto Rico and is learning to speak English in an interview. I play six seasons in the Major League Baseball. Chicago Cubs. St. Louis Cardinal.

Now that was the blue-eyed Mexican doing those lines. That's right. That's right. As the only Latino on this show, I feel it's fine. Isaac, do you have anything to say about that?

I could be a Sephardic. About what? I'm just making sure you were there. The recording stopped. I think my internet cut out for a minute. This was too dumb for the internet. That's the transfer property of internet

when you're on a Zoom call with Shane Torres. Yours just cuts out sometimes. Yeah, AT&T was like, Shane Torres? Nah. Nuh-uh. I don't know why you got to get in on this. Can't even show your face. The fog is rolling in.

The fog is rolling in. You want me to show my face? I can show my face. I can show my face. We can take it outside anytime you want, Featherweight. Listen, you're going to play American Airlines Center. I've already done that, so, you know, I'm just saying.

Did you play it? I sang Hallelujah there. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Surprise is still standing. The way how hard you rocked it. That's crazy. Thank you, Shane. I appreciate that. Shane, if you see Kyrie Irving, how are you going to handle that situation?

Just as an ally of the Jews. A lot of nods. I have no idea. I got to start thinking on it now. That's what I do know because do I lean in and try and be part of maybe if you thought he couldn't get weirder, if I joined his entourage.

Get in there. That would be they'd be like we don't know what's going on now but we definitely have to tell me a fellow free thinker you know what i mean your third why your third eye is all the way open and you're working on the fourth one right now let them know and then we just go we just go listen to tool for an hour and do ketamine or what like i don't know, man. To be fair, I don't think Kyrie Irving is coming to Burt Kreischer's show.

You gotta be ready for it. You gotta be prepared for it. The second you start thinking you know what Kyrie Irving is gonna do, that's a second. That's a very good point. That is a very good point. That's where you get in trouble. That's where you get in trouble. He's gonna show up in one of those hats we were talking about.

I can hear the foghorn right now. Wait, wait. Sounds like it's time for my first pick. Oh, shit. I can hear the foghorn. Ding, ding, ding. We're drafting fictional seagoing vessels and with my first pick. Pretty good seagull?

I couldn't hear it. Do it again. It really hurts to do. Let me try it again. Can you hear that? I heard a little bit of it. I can barely hear it. I don't know.

I can barely hear it. I gotta say, the pain on your face, it hurts. It hurts to do. I'm turning the mic all the way up. Hold on, one more time. Oh. I heard a little bit of it.

What's going on with this thing? It's the Zoom? It's the Zoom It's the Zoom It's the Zoom Yeah Oh, so the audio's gonna get picked up Oh, that's great It's gonna get picked up on the mic

It's not your brilliant impression of a seagull I was gonna say We just made you do it three times because of Zoom I just looked like I was coughing up a hairball Yeah Yeah, that's what you look like Okay, I see now Yeah up a hairball. Yeah, that's what you look like.

Okay, I see now. It looked like I was giving someone fellatio eagerly. It looked like an eager round of fellatio on the Zoom. And if you join the AFE Patreon, we can cut this out and you can see Ian giving eager fellatio to a ghost.

Yeah, I've been behind on those. I should write this down. I'm sorry. Yeah. Let's get those chopped up and loaded. Laura told me that they're just gulls. There's no such thing as a seagull. That's not a kind of animal.

It's a gull who's by the sea, and they're called seagulls. And you don't think she has an agenda in all this? Come on, dude. Does she really? She wants another wedding ring. Is she Steve Irwin now? Come on? Come on, dude. Does she really? She wants another wedding ring. Is she Steve Irwin now? Come on. Come on, dude.

She told you this in between hard mountain dudes? I haven't had any yet. I'm still on the porch. Before you go around repeating stuff like that, let's just like do a whole, how does she benefit

from the idea that there aren't any seagulls? We're talking about Kyrie Irving and his things. Yeah. Your wife is in deep with mainland gold, dude. I need to look is in deep with mainland gull, dude. I need to look at the deep state.

I need to open. Yeah, you're right. I need to look at things more. I'm just saying. I need to read less, which is going to be hard, but I don't really read a lot. I mean, I'm open to the idea,

but I also think, do we really want to just erase the identity of a whole class of gulls? Yeah. Like this? No, yes, I do. Racially, maybe there aren't seagulls.

But culturally, there certainly are. There's Irish Catholics in it. That's it. Some gulls are born one way. Here we go. And then they think inside they feel like a different kind of gull. Shane Torres.

We can't let that happen here in the great state of Florida. Shane Torres saying all this. There's seagulls and there's seaguys. Let's hear it. Seaguys. Seaguys and seagulls. I'm taking the red October with my first pick.

Run silent, run deep, baby. I was on the Red October. No, you weren't. What? The one in Portland. The blue back? I don't think they used for... Was it interiors for the Red October? I know it was in the movie, but I thought it played the American submarine.

Interiors, the Red October. They used two. The tour guide was specific, like almost all of it. Yeah, it's crazy. The one that's sitting on the Willamette in Portland. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, continue.

One ping only, please. That's pretty good. In that movie, when they go from Russian to English, it's fantastic with that zoom in and then the zoom out. And then it's like, come on, dude, that's so good. But this is a powerful submarine. I've never seen it. You've never seen The Hunt for Red October?

What? No, no, no. That's a Shane-ass movie. It is a Shane movie. Not in a bad way. It's a me-ass movie, too. It's an all of us-ass movie, I think, no, no. That's a Shane-ass movie. It is a Shane movie. Not in a bad way. It's a me-ass movie, too. It's an all-of-us-ass movie, I think. Oh, yeah. Is it I'm going to blow two hours and be moderately invested in this while I sit around with my friends?

It's a I'm-sitting-in-the-hotel-before-it-show rented-ass movie. It's like a TNT movie. Yeah. It is, but it's like the peak of a TNT movie. The very top. Yeah, I'm not, I just haven't seen it. I'm not dogging it. I'm not even saying it never looked good to me.

I just never got around to it. So, yeah, I've just never seen it. Do you want to tell them, Ian, tell them, synopsize the movie for them. Sean Connery plays Soviet submarine captain Marco Remus. He is the, every time the Soviets introduce a new submarine, he's the capable hands that they put it in. He's a salty sea dog. He's a Navy vet.

He's a man with a set of values that don't necessarily line up with always that of the Soviet Navy. And he's also gone through, his wife recently died. Yeah, sadly. So he's a wild card. He's a wild card. And's a wild card and he's taking the Red October, which is their newest submarine, which has something called

a Caterpillar Drive, which is basically, it stops using it's like a jet engine. It's like magnets or something? Yeah, it's like magnets. It's basically a jet engine for submarines, except quiet. I was waiting for how long this pitch was going to take for this pitch to fall apart. No, it's still going. It's basically a jet engine for submarines, except quiet. I was waiting for how long this pitch was going to

take for this pitch to fall apart. No, it's still going. Well, they never really explain. They don't know. Guess who else doesn't ever really explain it? Alec Baldwin doesn't know.

Alec Baldwin, who is playing Jack Ryan. This is a Jack Ryan movie, by the way. Oh, it's a Jack Ryanc Baldwin, who is playing Jack Ryan. This is a Jack Ryan movie, by the way. Oh, it's a Jack Ryan. Yeah, it's a Jack Ryan. So anyway. It's a Jack Ryan joint. It's a Jack Ryan joint.

It's undetectable. It goes silent. The Soviets lose track of it. The Americans lose track of it. And they don't know, like, neither side knows what's going on. Because it's got nukes on it. Is he going to start World War III? Because there was a letter sent. I don't want, like, neither side knows what's going on. Because it's got nukes on it. Is he going to start World War III? Because there was a letter sent.

I don't want to give too much away. Is he going to start World War III? Or is something else happening? So, a couple sub-facts that I learned when I was on the, what is it called? Short for submarine. The Blueback. The USS Blueback. Old boy giving the tour was hilarious.

A couple sub-facts. If you get extra meat, they're going to charge you more. It's the boy. So he said they had an ice cream machine on there. This is just a joke that got me so good. He's like, we have an ice cream. Ice cream is available. We have an ice cream machine.

Ice cream is available 24-7. We have every flavor you want as long as it's vanilla. I was dying. I was dying. But he said they got one 55-second shower a week. Each person. And he said 75% of the crew smoked, and you could smoke tail-to-trotter on that thing

anytime you wanted, which is crazy to me. One 55-second shower a week. And they smoke on the Red October. It sounds like Holman's Bar when I work there. One shower a week and everyone is smoking?

Jesus Christ. It's dark and no one's allowed to leave? This is perfect. Yeah. Shane, you will love this movie, dude. I'm sure I will. I just never got to it. It's one of those weird ones I missed.

The Rocky Horror Show's Tim Curry playing a Soviet submarine officer, dude. Really? Oh, yeah. The Dark Lord from Legend. It has James Earl Jones in it. It's got Stellan Skarsgård playing a Russian. It's...

It has got a lot of iconic voices. It is packed. It's packed with stars. James Earl Jones, Sean Connery, Tim Curry's got kind of his own voice. Jurassic Park's Sam Neill, isn't it? It has Senator Fred Thompson.

Oh, wow. Really? Yeah, dude. In a role where you get it. And at one point, they even allude to a woman. So if you can handle that. If you can handle that kind of bullshit. That's right.

Hold on. Shonkari's wife is obviously a major motivating factor in the story. The presence of a woman is there. You feel her even though you don't see her because she's dead. Right.

Ships are often named after women, like most of them. This one's not. This are often named after women like most of them this one's not this one is named after submarines can't be like our new sub is the Rebecca like you can't yeah that's a good point

there's not like the USS Gloria what if you married a woman named Red October that'd be kind of tight that's a name right there this is named after the Soviet uprising

in October of 19... Whatever. Right around 19... This one was named after the shoes that Kanye put out. Oh, wow. Also, just one final thing about the Red October.

In this less about the shit more about the movie Alec Baldwin wears a sweater in this movie a powerful sweater is it like a naval sweater you'll see this

when you watch it you'll be like oh that's the sweater he's talking about we'll watch it this weekend hungover like we did fantastic

yeah it's got Mount Rushmore on it dude that was I had not gotten drunk with you in a long time. Yeah, we tied it on. Yeah, it was fun. You were fine, too. You were like handling it. Yeah, and then you guys

had, Dana had somebody putting in a washer and dryer at like 8 a.m. I was like, what the fuck is going on? It was the worst thing that could happen. We got hammered the night before. We were out till like 2. Then we stayed up talking until four. And at eight, people showed up to install washer and dryer.

It was wild. I couldn't believe it. It was a young man's hangover is what I'll say. It was a young man's hangover. That was our fault. Dana had to drive across town to get a part. She woke up an hour before us. No, Dana was great. She also did all the dishes from the dinner when we came back

well I wrote that into our ketubah Sean Jordan time for your first pick make it quick dude the man's trapped on an island he's gotta get off it's the first thing that popped into my mind it's the very first thing that popped into my mind when this came up

it's probably my favorite fictional sea craft of all time is the boat that Tom Hanks builds to get off the island and cast away. Oh, yes. Cast away raft. You love it. It makes sense that you would pick the worst ship ever. No, but he makes it, though. That's the

thing. He gets off. He has to fashion it with old fucking packages and everything from the island. It's crazy. It's just the best. And he's all talking to himself. Dude, it's fantastic. It's my favorite. Nobody ordered a raft on Amazon?

Oh, I just love it, man. I love the whole, you're just so with him on that struggle to get over that last, what do they call that? Like the last wave or whatever? The last wave, yeah. And he gets over it. over that last, what do they call that? The last wave or whatever. The last wave, yeah. And he gets over it. The break. And then it's just hopeless, absolute hopelessness after that because you're just staring out.

Oh, it's the best. That was, yeah. And then that whale comes up on him. That shit still gives me heart wobbles. It just makes me feel weird when the whale comes up and you're like, damn, he's so in it that he doesn't even react when the whale comes up and shoots a spout he's just like yeah bro both of us harvey kytale played that whale yeah damn a

lot of people what a performance don't know that or care to know that but now you know harvey kytale you know what always weirded me out about that movie is like you know he has one package he doesn't open yeah on the island it's from red October, dude. You see her at the end. I was just like, what do you do? Open it. I don't care. It's like, what if it's a satellite phone? I just got it.

Yeah, it's just like, it's a CB radio or flares. Or like a flashlight or something fully charged and a packet of porn DVDs. Oh, God damn it. Damn it.

He delivers it to somebody who's now married. Like, here you go. Thanks. Ian, I just got a text from your brother-in-law.

From Zach? Yeah. We text on the record. What did he say? Oh, he just asked me how my month's going. We're buddies.

How's your month going? Yeah. We text on the record. Dana's brother, what did he say? He just asked me how my month's going. We're buddies. How's your month going? Yeah. We talk a lot. I've known you for a long time. I've never even cared how your month is going. I know. It's because you're shitty, Zach. Ian and me are married into a decent family with really good people.

You're a filthy scumbag. I married into a decent family with really good people, too. You did. You did. They're the ones that messed up. Anyway, the Castaway Ship. I love it. It's the first thing that popped into my head. Had it on my list as well.

This will not surprise anybody, but I almost drafted some things that I figured out a couple minutes after I put them on the list that are in fact not fictional. I was like, wait, that's real. You mean real? That's like the Century Club. In the fifth round, you... You mean the Titanic was real? fictional i was like wait that's real that's like the century club i can't

you mean the titanic was real it was the first thing it was the very first thing i wrote down and i was telling laura's like wait the titanic's real just because they made a movie about it doesn't mean it no but there's a fictional titanic too i mean you could there's also a fictional titan i don't know if that would have passed the uh the test all right i don't know if that would have passed the test. Okay. All right. I don't know. It most certainly would not have. Well, we'll see as the draft progresses. We will see. Oh, no. All right.

Yeah, anyway, the getaway craft on Titanic all day at Playboy. Jason, whose idea was to draft fictional vessels? It is now time for your first pick. Well, the Titanic. You're going to shape up the world right away, huh? Well, I've got a tough decision to make here at the top, which I won't share because of, you know, just I'm trying to gauge how this is going,

but I'm going to shock the world, and I'm going to shock Ian right now. Oh, no. My first pick is the Ark of the Bullrushes. the Ark of the Bullrushes. Yes, I'm talking about the small boat of reeds into which Moses was placed to escape the wrath of Pharaoh

who would declare that all male Hebrew children would be drowned. Now, we said fictional, my friend. This is what we were talking about. I thought there might be some religious issues coming up on this podcast.

I mean, that's a great boat. It's one of the most important boats. It's an important boat. It held a baby. The baby was safe in this boat for It's a great one of the most important boats. It's an important boat. It held a baby. I mean, like, the baby was safe in this boat for I don't know, I don't know how long. Now, pardon my religious ignorance here. Like, Jesus was a real person regardless of what you believe happened, right?

Was Moses a real person? They do believe that Jesus was a real person. Do they? I do not. No, the historians, the archaeologists and historians do believe it. But, like, even if you don't believe in, but like Moses wasn't, like historians and scientists or whatever, they don't believe that Moses was a real person. It's pretty far back.

It's quite far back. And if he is a real guy, and he might be a real guy, they seem pretty sure that the boat story is a later add-on. Oh, somebody was trying to put some little Sassone on the, so everybody stopped reading it, huh? Sassone on the... Everybody stop reading it, huh?

Gilding the lily a little bit. Moses Malone is a real person. That's right. One of the great offensive rebounders. Moses Malone is a real person. He's a red dragon from Canada. Shout out, Moses Malone. Yeah, there's some Moseses out

there. Yeah, but as far as Moses... As far as the boat goes. The big Jew. We're not 100% sure. No, there's a Moses the big Jew somewhere. A Moishe the big Jew. There's definitely a Moishe. Moishe is Moses, Sean. Moishe Kasher. That's a Moses for you.

And listen, if we're saying it's a historical craft, therefore it's actually real, then I'll say it's... Then I will say the Ark of the Bull Rush is from the 1956 film The Ten Commandments. I think the one from

the Torah is totally fine to go with. That's the good one. Yeah. That's the good one. Yeah. That's the good one. That's the good one. The Torah, that was like... The Torah? Yeah, that was Tool's fourth album?

Fourth studio album. Isaac, go ahead and cut all that out. Leave that in there. Leave it in. Leave everything in. Make it longer. That joke ran aground. You're Irish Catholic ass.

Welcome to All Fantasy Everything. All right, Isaac, pick it up. Pick joke ran aground. You're Irish Catholic ass. Welcome to all fantasy everything. All right, I should pick it up right there. Your Irish Catholic ass wouldn't exist without the Torah. You would just be Irish. I think that's probably what it boils down to me being. You'd be some kind of Irish pagan. You know what I mean? You'd be sitting in that same room,

except there'd also be like like deer antlers, like sexual deer antlers behind you as well. Yeah. They make non-sexual deer antlers? That's fair. That's True Detective Season 3. The Ark of the Bull Rushes. Yeah.

Arguably one of the most important definitely the most important to me of the boats. I can't believe I didn't even think of it sweet little baby how big do we think it was I always think of it like just being like a walnut shell like just big enough for a baby like a bassinet almost yeah yeah you gotta be like

a carry-on bag yeah something fast yeah carry-on bag carry-on nice away brand travel bag made to fit perfectly in the top who no longer sponsors us but they did give me a free suitcase after mine broke years after they gave us one. So shout out Away. Isaac, go ahead and blank out Away

and put whatever sponsor it is that we have currently in there, even if they don't make bags. Starbucks gave me a free suitcase. Shout out to Starbucks for their suitcases. Vector75 sent me a free suitcase. Whatever. No, Policy Genius, Starbucks, or BetterHelp all gave me free suitcases. It's a therapy suitcase. Yeah. It's a free suitcase. Whatever. Policy Genius, Starbucks, or BetterHelp

all gave me free suitcases. It's a therapy suitcase. It's a therapy suitcase. It's a metaphorical suitcase. Well, vacation is kind of a form of therapy when you think about it. That's why I hold it in my lap the whole flight. We've all got baggage. Get them. Shane,

it's time for your first and second picks. Back to back, baby. For my first pick, I think it's time for your first and second picks. Back to back, baby. Okay. For my first pick, I think it's a pretty self-explanatory. I'm taking the yellow submarine. God damn it! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I could get it later.

Yeah, baby. Good call. I really thought I could get it later. The red October can suck my yellow submarine sea dick. It is not. My yellow submarine sea dick. It is not even as neat as me. My yellow submarine sea dick? Holy cow. Yeah.

I'm just being aggressive. Rude. I said it was a good pick. I wanted it. I know. You haven't even seen the Red October. The Red October would overtake the yellow submarine, never being detected. Ringo would be drowned before you even knew what it was.

Are we really about to talk? It's like clanging and banging and there's like singing on there. Sounds. And like, bang. And away we go. And Paul McCartney saying shit like that. As a war craft, yeah. Paul McCartney getting all cute on there.

As a vessel of war, you could do a lot better than the yellow submarine. Yeah. They all just did a bunch of Lucy in in the sky with diamonds war machines we said this is why going vessels this is why the red white and blue had to step in during ww2 the big one all right it's because the british idea of a submarine fucking red coats like let's do it you're saying right now my first pick is not intimidating enough for you? I'm just saying the yellow submarine isn't taking out a lot of U-boats.

It's fucking bright yellow. Maybe I'm going Captain Planet here and heart is really the most important element of all five. This is the Atlantic theater of war. It's not a bathtub for a six-year-old. By the way, Shane, what's up with that reel of you shitting on grown-ups taking baths

the other day? Oh, wait, did you see the special, buddy? It's like 20 minutes in it. You're wrong. Yeah, and by the way, it's inspired by you. So just so you know. Also, by the way, I'm not going to see the special, so I guess I'll never find out, will I? Well, I guess you won't have

the internet because it's going to be fucking everywhere, buddy. Not on Netflix. That's all I got. I had anti-bath material back in the day. I have too much body hair to take a bath. That's personal. That's nice. I get that. I just think it makes you a freak. My body hair looks like a kelp forest if I'm in a bath. I think it's awesome. I'd love. Yeah. I just can't like, I think it makes you a freak. I just can't. My body hair looks like a kelp forest.

If I'm in a bath. I think it's awesome. I'd love looking at my little bad dude floating. Like when the water's filling up and your thing floats up. It's awesome. All right. My second pick is Sean's fictional bad dude. It's a sea vessel.

It is fictional though. Sean doesn't have a penis. Just so everyone, he had a cut off during the vasectomy. So now it is a fictional penis. Yeah. That's what happens, right? I was real meta when I was watching Game of Thrones, so I just chopped

it off with Theon. I was like, alright, I'm in there, bro. Yellow Submarine. I think it's a self-explanatory pick. I personally like it. Oh, I was cold. Ian's jealous, man. Don't let him get in your kitchen. I wanted it. If that wasn't a tough enough...

We all live in it. We all suck on Shane's yellow submarine dick. Yellow submarine dick. Yellow submarine dick. We all do. Yeah. Do we have the rights to that song? Can we actually sing it?

We do, actually. And due to some very, very canny legal maneuvering, we do have the rights to all of the Beatles catalog. Also, you just said doo-doo. Welcome to all fantasy, everything. Shane with your second pick. Starting one round in. Shane, what's your second pick?

I don't think Ian thought my first pick was tough enough. I wanted it. I think it's a Norse ship, and I think I'm pronouncing it right. It's called the Naglfar, and it's made from the fingernails and bones of people they have murdered. The Naglfar? I just went to Wikipedia. Of Norse legend. No, you're reading an email you tried to send.

It's made from fingernails of people they've killed. That's pretty sick. I didn't even have it on my list because I had it on top of the dome so hard. The Naglfar. You know what I mean? My dad and I were just talking about it. Fictional ships. That's pretty cool. It's made out of their fingernails?

Yeah, that's the legend is that the ship was like yeah, they would kill people and harvest their yeah that's the legend is that this shit was like it was like uh yeah they would that's a terrible fucking job and harvest their organs into a seagoing vessel it's bad for everybody involved because now you gotta ride on a boat made out of fingernails that sounds gross

is there an L in there like naglafar or nagwafar that's why I don't know if I'm pronouncing it's N-H-E-L-F-A-R so that's why I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right there it is you see it Jason It's N-H-E-L-F-A-R. So that's why I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right. Naglfar. There it is. You see it, Jason?

Yeah, I do see it. It is disgusting. It's made out of little fingernails. I want to see it. I didn't visually image this. Naglfar. There it is. So I just wonder what line of thinking leads even a group of Vikings

to being like, yo, what if there was a boat made out of fingernails? Hey, Naglfar translates to nail fairer. So it's mostly nails. You threw bones in. Aren't nails, no, pardon my ignorance once again, aren't nails bone?

What if there was a nail shop Called Naglifar Is it just nail? Sean just said aren't nails bones A little bit? No? What are nails? Are they skin? What are they? Remember that time you spelled

Race car with an S? They're like keratin They're like hair almost Keratin I think is the. Yeah, I do. They're like hair almost more than, right? Yeah, keratin I think is the substance. I don't know. You know what I just... Fingernails and hair keep growing after you die. Probably three years ago, I learned this, that your

fingernails grow from the bottom of the cuticle and not just the white part. For a long time, I thought just the white part grew in your fingernail. The pink one, the pink part, was just your fingernail. And forever. You had forever. Yeah, I didn't ever put that together that they grew from the bottom until I saw

I think Laura had like her toes painted and the nail polish was like moving slowly up like when your like when your roots when your roots grow out and I was like

now wait a second your nails you got fucked up nails what's going on oh that's wild your fingernails are so different maybe it's girl nails are different than boy nails

that's what it is so the Wikipedia so different. Maybe it's girl nails are different than boy nails. That's what it is. So the Wikipedia for Nagelfar... They're not bones. Fingernails are not bones. They're hair. I know. They're keratin. This says it's only made out of fingernails and toenails.

I don't know why you threw bones in there. Did you think we were going to judge you? I thought it was bones. Maybe I just read the wrong thing. I'm cool with it either way. I got my fingernail ship in my yellow submarine.

I thought you got to call your right and left when you walk out for your first fight. Naglifar and the yellow submarine. Which way do you want? I can give it to you both ways, baby. It's like Fanny Hanna over here. Naglifar and the yellow submarine. The boat itself has been connected by scholars with a larger pattern of ritual hair

and nail disposal among Indo-Europeans. All right. Gnarly. Gnarly. It's disgusting. It is wild looking. Some of the ways they decided to portray this thing. Ugh, fingernail bones. I mean, you gotta figure the Vikings had to

have like really gnarly propaganda because their whole economy was like, we're gonna come and steal all your shit so you better give it to us. We ride in on a boat made of nails. Oh, yeah. It's a mental game for them. Yeah.

Your fingernails are that thing where you're like, ooh, ah. It's like gets to the very core. It hits your lizard brain when you think about like your nails getting ripped off or whatever. So it's. Yeah. It's very nerve. It's very nerve based. It probably was some propaganda shit.

Even to tough guys. That's smart. You're like. Yeah. God damn it. Yeah. Like. Jason, have you ever played.

That's the thing that hurts Vikings is hangnails. Yeah. Have you ever played Crusader Kings? Any of those games? Oh, yeah. I fucking love Crusader Kings. I'm on Crusader Kings 3 right now. Do you have the latest?

Yes. I am losing my life to it right now. Who do you play? What kind of... Sorry to hijack, but what is your play style? Well, I've been playing tall because I looked it up. And then once I build up an adequate... So what I do is I accumulate resources

and then I spread out from there after a few generations. And I've played Corsican Sardinia. I did a run like that. And right now I found the one Jewish Duke who lives on the edge of the black sea. And I'm my, my goal is to take back Israel. And I just got it last night. I just got it last night.

Well, well side quest. Yeah. And I'm going to, I'm rebuilt the temple. You can do all this stuff. It's crazy. I've been playing a game of Thrones mod of Crusader Kings that

puts all the rulers and regions from Westeros in the game. But I play as I do a skullduggery focus. So I'm always like finding out like dirt about oh, I found out that this prince over here is fucking his sister

and now I'm going to threaten him like, hey, you better fucking give me half your and now I'm going to threaten him like, hey, you better fucking give me half your land or I'm going to tell the Pope that you've been fucking your sister. I love that. You never even have to go to war. You're just a little like, a little bit like I wait for somebody else

to declare war and then I send my guys in to like fight in a different region to just steal all that shit. That's how I got Israel back. Nice. It's kind of a Wagner group thing. Kind of a Wagner group style. We wait for people to have Russian

accidents. We'll talk more about it. We'll talk more about Crusader Kings. Off mic. A Russian accident. What do you think that is? My next thing is the Russian accident. What do you think that is? My next pick is the Russian accident. A boat. It's like something falling off the truck. It's what happened to Progovin.

Yeah, so when you get on a plane and it blows up. Oh no, a Russian accident. It's like when you fall out of a window. It's a Russian accident. Jason, time for your second pick. My second pick is The Door from Titanic Oh, that's good I felt that Ian had it also

Oh, it's on the list And honestly What an incredible Character arc for The Door Spent its entire life thinking I'm just going to be part of an entryway in which people come out and go in and then all of a sudden its life has completely changed and it takes on this entirely different role as a life vessel for one person and what an influential role it was

the door from titanic the door lived up to its potential, finally. We're still talking about whether that door could have taken more people on top of it. Room for Jack on the door. Question mark. Buddy, room for Jack on the door. Was there room for Jack on the door? Yes, there was. He was so frail,

he could have fit on the door. That alone is an issue. He didn't have enough body fat to survive the North Atlantic. Just Kate Winslet did. You know what I mean? Just because women just tend to have more body fat. I think it's hard to get on top. Like getting on it is because if you try to get on it, you'll probably capsize it.

So I think there's an argument for that. He couldn't get on it. Capsize is a strong word for a floating door. Just turn it over. Shane's frozen and I'm not laughing. Look, but he's laughing. There we go. Yeah, I think he just knew that it probably wouldn't have worked.

It could have been on there for half the time probably, both of them. But yeah, it wouldn't have worked. I don't think he's getting on that door. Have you ever been on something that barely floats? You know what I mean? Where it's like you're like, ooh, this isn't, if another person gets on here, it's like a pool noodle. You know what I mean? And it's so, like just

an inch moving the other way, you're like, it's going to go, like there's something can be very, that can be very difficult. He's not staying on. Two people on that door? There's too many. Are there any little Easter eggs? Like, did we see that door in the movie at all? Like, is it any specific door? Wouldn't it be fun?

Shane, you're frozen again. Oh, no, you're not. No, I'm not. No, I'm just so mad at you for saying that. Yeah, it's the door Billy Zane... Billy Zane shits behind it earlier in the movie. Yeah, it's the door

they let all the Irish out of. It's a metaphor for the film people don't really talk about. Yeah, that's the door that was cooking all the food or something. You know what I'm saying? Where they just show it

like, ah, a fine oak door. One of the many reasons. Now they go sink this ship or this door. They're giving the tour. And how many doors are on this ship? Well, only one that matters. It's right here. The one to my chambers.

Made out of Norse oak. Fingernails, they say. The door from the Titanic. Yeah, I don't think there's room for Jack on there. Plus, I think Jack, like, he's like, oh, I'm drowning, ducked down, swam underwater, and got on a boat with his boys, dude. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Jack was a real

hit it and quit it kind of guy. He really was. The original pussy posse, dude. He got on a boat with all those dudes. He didn't pull out. He didn't want to raise a kid. He's just like thinking, fuck, yeah. I got the story. I got what I needed. Jaw provides.

Swim away, dude. Jaw provides. Thank you, jaw. No one's ever even heard of it. They're all looking for their ass, dude. It's like, thank you, jaw. When jaw closes the door. When jaw puts this girl on a door he opens the window

Ja Rastafari Sean time for your second pick the psychotic little riverboat from Willy Wonka dude oh yeah that's the one that is called the

I had that on my list. It's the Wonka Tanya. Great one. Great one. Yeah. Whatever the fuck it's called, man. The Wonka Tanya? Yeah, there's a Wikipedia list of fictional ships,

and I just went through it. Off the chains, though. That thing was so dope. I mean, I know I'm not splitting the item here, but when you watch that movie, it's so much darker than you think when you're young. So many of those kids probably didn't make it. And then they're on that crazy ship. He's just such a lunatic.

I mean, it rules. He killed all those little greedy little piglets. Not a speck of light is showing. So the danger must be growing. Are the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grizzly reaper mowing? Yes, the danger must be growing. For the fires of hell a-glowing? Is the grizzly reaper mowing? Yes, the danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing,

and they're certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing. Dude, and it's just such a, he's just so good at delivering. I don't know. His voice is kind of cracking, but not really. You know, it's just.

It's moments like that where you realize that Roald Dahl was capable of evil. Crap. Did he write Willy Wonka? He sure did. I didn't know that. Jew hater Roald Dahl. I don't care.

I mean, we still celebrate all his books. He's dead. What's he going to do about it? Yeah, what's he going to do about it? Dead, dead. Aha! Jews like your books, you fucker. Yeah, take that.

Aha! We're fucking reading them to our kids. Our little yid kids are enjoying your books, you fucker. Yeah, take that. Aha! We're fucking reading them to our kids. Our little yid kids are enjoying your books, Will. Yeah, man. Willie Wonk, I just... He also said he was anti-Semitic in the most... Dana told me all this, so I can't act like I discovered it, but he told me

he was anti-Semitic in the most Roald Dahl all this, so I can't act like I discovered it, but he told me he was anti-Semitic in the most Roald Dahl way possible where he was like, well, that Hitler surely was a stinker, but they must have done something to raise his ire. Like, that's how he said it. God, he's not a stinker, but like, raise his ire. What a stinker

Hitler was. What a stinker this Hitler was. Yeah. Yeah, the nightmare boat, dude. Could you show anything in that tunnel? I mean, there's like a chicken getting decapitated in that tunnel, which was crazy to do that. You see the head separate.

It's like, why did you do that? And also, they were seeing all that, right? I haven't seen in a while. No, just you. Only you but like, is it like the tunnel on Fremont Street in Vegas where like they're just going through and it's on the tunnel

or is it on the boat? It's just like the tunnel on Fremont Street in Vegas. There's a heart attack grill there. It's, I don't know. We don't know. There's a cover band

playing Kickstart My Heart. Oh, yeah. While somebody is crying because they lost $1,000 on a slot machine. Probably not a cover band anymore. You probably just got Motley Crue playing Kickstart My Heart these days. Watch your mouth.

They wrote the dirt. I don't like Motley Crue. Anyway, what was it called? The what? The Wonkatania. The Wonkatania. The Nightmare Boat. The Nightmare Boat playboy. The Wonkatania. The nightmare boat. The nightmare boat playboy.

The nightmare boat. That's what I say when I'm tired and I'm going to bed. I gotta get on the nightmare boat. Yeah, baby. You want Shane's big nightmare boat or are you tired? You ready for the nightmare boat? I can't promise the nightmare boat will be in port this morning. Come on, morning.

The nightmare boat had a few too many whiskey sodas. I was going to have to dock for the night. The nightmare boat. If you called your dick the nightmare boat, man, it makes me want to start a Tinder profile. Yeah, man. I got one ticket on the nightmare boat for you. All right.

Time for my second pick. Oh, man. I hate to do this because it's, I mean, Jason, you already did such a good pick in this vein, but I gotta go ahead and clean the category out. Okay. I'm taking another arc. I like it. One much bigger. One that was my

bar mitzvah portion, by the way. I love it. Once upon a time, about, I was 13, so what, about 15 years ago, I could tell you this in Hebrew. I'm taking Noah's Ark, baby. Yeah. Inspiration for Noah's Arkade from Wayne's World, first of all.

So that's, I mean, impactful. Give me two of everything. It's a big fucking boat. Two of every animal. Every animal. I don't know how they got them all on there. It's a big boat. They cut some corners.

It's all right. They must have cut some corners. They were all like, every animal was like elephants, dogs, and cats back then. I think they were like, well, we don't have room for unicorns, but we could probably mate the rhinos and the horses and figure it out. And then they're just like, oh, so that doesn't work. Okay, our bad. Well, sorry, unicorns.

That's how they got a narwhal. That's how they got the narwhal. A rhino fucked a whale. The whales were fine. Yeah, the whales, the sea animals weren't sweating anything. I think it's fictional. It feels like every 10 years, the Learning Channel

or whatever that is now will be like, we found it. Yeah, the piece of wood in the mountains in Turkey. That's like their sweeps week programming. They're really fluffing it up. On a mountain in Armenia, we've detected. But also, so when did the...

Guys, there's no way for me to say this without sounding like a moron. When did the Bible stuff happen? Like 1780, 1785, somewhere in there. 1780s, yeah. Shortly after the Civil War. Shortly after the founding of the United States. Right when America

kind of was finding itself. That's when all that happened. Yeah. Because that was 1776. Exploring its body. I think part of me actually thinks you believe that. But was this all like before Jesus?

Like way, way before? Oh, yeah, yeah. Way before. Like how long before? Thousands of years. Thousands of years. But just a few thousand. Yeah.

So like less than 10,000 years ago, this is all alleged to have happened. And they have, I mean. Alleged. Alleged, he says. Alleged. Look at this guy getting out another fancy word. Alleged.

The Hebrew calendar does not work on the exact same timeline as the whatever calendar we use right now. Well, Sean obviously knows that, Ian. You don't have to say these things. Don't talk down to me. It's the year 5783 on the Hebrew calendar, but that's also not

necessarily an accurate rubric of when all this was supposed to have happened. But Jews were around for a long time before Jesus showed up with his ideas of zealotry. Yeah, man. The Ark. The big Ark. Big Noah's Ark, dude.

Great pick. It was clearly on everyone's list. It's an iconic pick. And we're going to get to my third pick right after another short break. Welcome back to All Fans Hear Everything. You're going to love the second half of this podcast. I've already heard it. We've already heard it.

It turns out great. We're just so excited for you to hear it. We'd like to thank our sponsor, the company that makes Shane's toilet seats. If you're in the market for toilet seats, you can't do any better than the company that makes Shane Torres' toilet seats. That's right. The Titanus 4

is the strongest toilet seat that we offer, and it's for heavy hitters, if you know what I'm saying. These are naval gauge hinges. They're the same hinges that they use on many of the submarines mentioned already in this podcast. They don't melt

when they're coming back through the atmosphere. They don't freeze in space. James Cameron has personally approved several of the alloys we used in the... Shane Torres not enjoying any of this.

Yeah. I'll tell you what he did enjoy was sitting on the toilet seat. Huh? Comfort. And not just the comfort afforded by knowing the toilet seat

isn't going to shatter the second you sit on it. But also the comfort afforded by premium alloys and sumptuous materials. Not an ad either. Just a shout.

Just a shout out. Just a shout out. Whose pick is it? I think it's Ian's third. It is my third pick. Good. Can't wait to hear it. All right.

I'm going to take the Flying Dutchman, baby. Go ship. Dude, that's... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was on... Yeah.

Yeah. It's... This is... Wasn't Rick Smith's name the Flying Dutchman? Yes, he was, baby. I'm taking Rick Smith's. I get him. I thought he was the Duncan Dutchman.

Oh, he was the Duncan Dutchman. Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. Because he loved the donuts. Because he loved the donuts. Shane's right. I think he was the Duncan Dutchman.

Unless he was in transit between Indianapolis and New York City. I always thought he was the Flying. Anyway, continue. This doesn't matter. And then he was the Flying Duncan Dutchman. It was a ship that was never able to make port. It's full of ghosts. It travels.

It travels. It's full of ghosts. That pause was just long enough to realize that you did not have another sentence. I'm not going to say I did a ton of research It's a ship that never made port. I love it. It's a ship that never made port And Anyone else wants to jump in here?

What was it? The mythology was that Did any live people ever get on the ghost ship? No You might know about the Flying Dutchman From the documentary Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest Which is about the chest of a dead man

And also Pirates of the Caribbean World's End. Yeah, it's in both of those. Yeah. It's the only series of books Sean has ever read, is the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Documentaries. And guys, if you don't believe in ghost stories, you best start believing in ghost stories.

Get him! Because you're in one. If you don't believe in ghost stories, you best start believing in ghost stories. Forget them. Holy fuck. Because you're in one. Oh, no. If you don't believe in ghost podcasts. All right. And then my mom will send me that trailer and be like,

so of course we're going to go see this. Those movies fucking rule, dude. They were fucking great. They were great. They are her favorites. They were so fun. Also, the ride still is so fun to me. I don't know when the last time any of y'all went on Pirates of the Caribbean was.

It's so fun. The ride? Yeah. Yeah. It's been a little while. It's been a bit. And technically, the boat is kind of a ride when you think about it. That's true.

Yeah, that's what I meant. People thought they saw it. Actual people would report seeing the Flying Dutchman. It was like an actual, and they thought they saw it. Actual people would report seeing the Flying Dutchman. And they would write about it. They're like, we saw it. We saw the Flying Dutchman. It's real. This was before they had the idea of aliens. They were like, this is what they could

believe. Here's something I talk about with my partner all the time. I don't think we really get how shaped history has been by the fact that nobody had adequate eye care for centuries. People couldn't see.

What a great point. And so they were just like, yeah, I fucking saw a mermaid. It was a fucking seal. I saw the flying Dutchman. You didn't see shit. You can't see. Dudes that were at sea. People who are not getting enough greens and vegetables in their diet.

Had bad eyes in the first place and then had just been like salt water and a lack of vitamin C pelting their vision for like genetic inbreeding left and right. Like they're all like from the same islands and stuff. All they drink is rum. Yeah. That doesn't, you put it all down

on paper, show it to an optometrist, he'll be like, well, I don't think you have eyes anymore. What, baby? People would stop because it's a real illusion. It's being summoned. I never thought about that, though. Dana Schwartz has entered the room to tell me that people saw the Flying Dutchman because it was a Fata Morgana.

What's a Fata Morgana? Okay, here it is. Probably the most credible explanation is a Superior Mirage or Fata Morgana seen Probably the most credible explanation is a superior mirage or Fata Morgana seen at sea. A superior mirage. That's like a premium mirage not like your everyday basic mirage.

A superior fake vision. How does that come back? I like the dynamic. Have her explain it. Can you explain it? Yeah, have Dana. Here, go to Mike and explain it can you explain it? yeah have Dana here go to the mic and explain it

and I'll listen too I'm really sorry to interrupt I usually don't interrupt the podcast but I'm saying goodbye it's important you can sort of get it if you hear if you like are driving on a hot day

and you can sort of see like steam or reflection it's basically just like between the sea and the sky and the air the light particles like and i'm not going to explain this well but my understanding is that it's like the reflective aspect of the light particles in the sky and the water are the same and so there's there's kind of no horizon and so it looks like it's floating that's so sick. Sounds like somebody

doesn't believe in ghost stories. Is she in one? She best start. Thank you, baby. I love you. Oh, that's dope. Fata Morgana, like I said.

Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. The Hakuna Matata. The Hakuna Matata. The Hakuna Matata. So I'm diving straight into my own heart here. And this is one of my airplane movies. Your Alfredo-ridden heart. Yeah, my fucking clogged up Alfredo-ridden little blood pumper.

I'm going the rowboat from The Notebook when he takes out Rachel McAdams. You're getting me sad already. Dude, that movie, I love it so much. It's crazy. All the way it's down, it's got E from Entourage in it. That's how much I love it. It's so connected in my being.

It was made for you. It's a rich tapestry of Sean Jordan. I love that movie. I watch it and I cry on almost every flight it's available on. It's no question. It's one of the scroll stoppers. It's a rich tapestry of Sean Jordan. I love that movie. I watch it and I cry on almost every flight it's available on. It's no question. It's one of the scroll stoppers. It's a great one. Just the rowboat. That whole scene, I just love all of it so much.

How it starts raining. You best start believing in love stories. When Gosling turns into Ian McShane and he comes at her, he goes, you're cheating on your fiance. Because you're in one. Hey, tater, tater, tater. Yeah, the little rowboat from the notebook, man.

I love it. I love every part of it. I love every part of the whole movie, but I know we're just taking sea vessels. I only saw it once. What role does, and it was ages ago, what role does the boat play? What role does the boat play?

So they separate. He goes to war. He writes whatever. They're separated. And then years later he comes home. I think WWT the big one. What side is he on? He's on the right side. He's on the side of love.

It's an Italian fashion. So it's okay. They come back she's like engaged or whatever she comes back to visit him to kind of like get some closure because they had this unrequited you know romance or whatever so she comes back another one fucking unrequited dude

$5 word Jordan over here today so she comes back and he takes her out on the rowboat to show her this big like pond filled with I want to say swans? I think they're swans. It'd be weird if they were ducks. But anyway, maybe they're ducks. Whatever. So they're out there and then

they're rowing. It'd be weird if they were ducks. They're all white and they look like swans to me. I think ducks have a little more color than swans. Am I a prick? No. Anyway, that's not the point. So they're rowing through. Big old rainstorm hits. She gets all bummed out because she's getting wet. That lasts for about five seconds.

Then she embraces it. I just said the wet thing. Then she gets wet. Yeah, I figured you were going there, you dirty old five-cent word Torres over there. I get it. Leave it to the scholars over here. And then they go inside and smash, bro. Spill unrequited.

Yeah! bro still unreported yeah anyway where's that dick of ground the boo-boo boat he gives her the old dark submarine or whatever we were calling it the yellow submarine I think no my nightmare ship your nightmare ship the old dark submarine or whatever we were calling it. The yellow submarine, I think. No, my nightmarship. Your nightmarship. The old

gosling nightmarship. Alright, the rowboat from the nightmarship. That dreamboat got a real nightmarship between his legs. Rowboat from the notebook. Rowboat from the notebook. Jason, time for your third pick. With my third pick, I am picking the Orca One. Show me the It's time for your third pick. With my third pick, I am picking

the Orca One. Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and we don't need a bigger boat. The Orca One from Jaws, the boat upon which our heroes bravely sail off into

the sea off the coast of Massachusetts to look for this great big great white shark and they do indeed find it. Spoiler. They do indeed find it. They do indeed find it. We don't know what happens. If you haven't seen Jaws, go watch Jaws. They're in an amicable

agreement. An Amityville agreement. Right by Amityville. I believe that was Maryland too. They did need a bigger boat. They sure Maryland too. They did need a bigger boat. They sure did. They did actually need a bigger boat. Nothing wrong. It's not this boat's fault. It wasn't like, hey, use me to kill a monster shark. Just some space from each

other would have, I think, behooved them to have a bigger boat. They barely had any space. It's because I hear you using behooved. You're like, now all of a sudden, you're just putting on a fucking highlight reel. I know, right? Are you sitting on a stack of books? Isaac, send this podcast right to House of Highlights. I think we need to get this up on Instagram.

I graduated USD online last night. I'm out here. I got a degree in words. Graduated from USD. Is that the same as getting a nightmare boat? Yeah. Yeah, it hurts a little more, but what are you going to do? I shouldn't have dropped out of college

There's something very romantic about this boat The idea of just like being on a fishing boat Off the coast of New England You know what I mean Cracking some beers with Quint And Roy Scheider Tanned all over his body somehow Like all the same texture of tan

He looks like somebody's outdoor couch in Reno Yeah texture of tan. He looks like somebody's outdoor couch in Reno. Seeing a young Roy Scheider would fuck me up. Seeing like a 22-year-old Roy Scheider. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, no. The face isn't like... He's a scrap. Yeah.

Have you ever seen Marathon Man? The movie Marathon Man, starring Dustin Hoffman? Roy Scheider plays his spy brother, and he gets down. He gets dirty. He kills some dudes in that movie, and you see him kill. And I believed after watching that scene and watching that movie that Roy Scheider was a dangerous individual. And he does it in speedo briefs so you see the tan, the leathery nature

of his entire physique. That goes all the way. He's got a leathery nightmarish ship. That's like from top to bottom. He also plays... Leathery nightmarish ship. He's also in... He also plays Bob Fosse.

That Bob Fosse guy in... That's right. As the Bob Fosse stand-in. He's got a range. What is that called? The jazz singer. Not the jazz singer. No.

Something like that, though. He's like if a foreskin was a whole person. Yeah, he's a human foreskin. All that jazz. All that jazz. Yeah, he's a human foreskin. Roy Scheider, the human foreskin. All that jazz. All that jazz. Yeah, he's a human foreskin. Roy Scheider, the human foreskin. Everybody working on him.

He loves it. 90 second Academy Awards. Yeah. What's it called again? The Orca, right? Pour a lot out for Roy Scheider. One won't get it done. That guy could definitely handle the thing.

We were watching, speaking of like old dudes in movies I showed Dana the verdict she'd never seen it before and it's so good but like Paul Newman is too pretty Paul Newman plays this like old drunk lawyer

Charlotte Rampling's in it it's like his last it's set in Boston like it's his last crack they're suing like the archaic anyway the point is Paul Newman you should watch it another great movie Paul Newman plays this like old drunk like drunk

like if he doesn't drink in the morning he'll get the DTs like lawyer but he's Paul Newman so he still looks perfect like his face isn't capable of being puffy if I have three glasses of wine the next day perfect bone structure yeah i look like a fucking macy's day float yeah speaking of boats and paul newman there is a photo of him on a boat and it's in italy yeah and he's just like yeah it's he is

so good looking it's fucking insane it's like a google like where it's like it is fucking wild you could park his nightmare ship in my port yeah and they didn't work out back then that was just jeans yeah like if you had a good body it was pure jeans back then i think he was like probably active because he did the race car thing i think he was the kind of guy who stayed in shape by doing shit though but like a boxing maybe they boxed and then like, and then what, hiking? Tromping the country? Like that's what it seems like. But you gotta think like, their food was different then.

That's the thing about it. Locally sourced. That's true. There were also a lot of people who... Do you remember when you were a kid, there were times you couldn't get strawberries because it was like it's a seasonal fruit, like, and now you can just get them whenever you want. Well, there were times you couldn't get strawberries because it was like, it's a seasonal fruit. And now you can just get them whenever you want.

Yeah. Well, we live in California. Yeah. But you get what I'm saying. Yeah. But in Texas. Yeah. All right.

Fine. I'll fuck myself. No, I'm sure there were a time in California too. But like, you know. Yeah, that time is coming again soon. Probably. You guys are getting a lot of rain. We also have the strongest water claim rights in the country, according to my uncle.

Fuck with us. When I was panicking, I was like, should I sell my house and move? Are we going to run out of water? He was like, no. LA will never run out of water. But sell your house and move to Portland anyways. I would love to. I would love to. I'm thinking about it. Get up here, dude. We're starting it.

Kyle's up here. Are you thinking about it? Wouldn't be a bad life. We'd love to visit there. I've been thinking about a visit soon. You let me know when you visit. Let's go. I'll fly up. We'll go to Canard, dude. I got the in. Maybe October 29th, and then we hang

out for a couple extra days. Well, we can be in Portland, but nobody's going to be... We can't make the show. I bought 200 tickets to an event there that night. Yeah, I won't be going. Not going to make it. Shane, time for your third and fourth pick. Yep.

For my third pick. Made the earth sick. There you go. I am going with a little ship from the classic film, The Great Outdoors. Fuck you. You weren't going to do that until a second ago. You dickhead. I'm taking the speedboat.

Suck my wig. Yeah, I'm well aware. Were you going to do that before I said Chester and Buckley a minute ago? No, for sure I was. Good job. I thought that was fifth round for sure for me. Yeah, I know you were all over it suck my ass and suck my wake

dude it's the best Dan Aykroyd acting like a dickhead you guys want to go on the pontoon boat on a pontoon boat or do you want to go around and suck my wake that's fine you go out with your uncle Roman and Chester what's he go

he's like Buckley and I will have a nice day on the pontoon boat. And Buckley goes, sorry, Dad. It's amazing. Oh, it's so good. John Candy jet skis on one ski around the whole... Oh, it's so funny. Around the whole lake. I made a pledge not too long ago

to stop pretending like I've seen movies. Because a lot of times I would just be like, oh, it's so good. I've never seen Uncle Buck. We're good about this. We're all good about this. Maybe you've even said I saw Uncle Buck on previous episodes of this podcast.

This ain't Uncle Buck. This is The Great Outdoors. Oh, The Great Outdoors. I've never seen The Great Outdoors either. I haven't seen either of those movies. You should watch them both. The Great Outdoors is much better. Your John Candy catalog is lacking.

And that's like, you would love him. He's so warm and he's so amazing. As a former big guy in Hollywood and who's a comedic actor with improv training, you really should be like up to date

on your John Candy stuff. He's so, he's, he's on my block, dude. Get off. John Candy and Dan Aykroyd, that movie is

peak for both. It's so goddamn funny and it's 80s funny. It's just those two. The plot's nothing. It's just those two driving that movie. Yeah. It's 80s funny. It's just those two. The plot's nothing. It's just those two driving that movie. Yeah. It's 80s funny. Sounds like a way of calling someone racist without

really knowing. My uncle's coming over. He's pretty 80s funny. Just so you're aware, he's 80s funny. Oh, man. That was probably the most worked up I've gotten lately over a pic. I'm upset. I didn't get it.

You mad? You mad, bro? Use a fancy word for mad. I'm perturbed. Aggrieved. Aggravated. Perturbed. Yeah.

Perturbed's more like irritated, right? Though it's not like really like mad. Well, I'm fucking perturbed. How about that? Your fourth pick. You're fucking perturbed. She's hot. That really threw me off.

I'm fucking perturbed, Diane. Fourth pick, I am taking Jenny from Forrest Gump. I'm taking the shrimping boat. No! Wow! Man, you are killing me. That was... God damn it!

You are really... Good job, bud. You really... Good pick. Yeah, that was going to be my... Man. Yeah. And there's 12 of...

Later on in the movie, when the company becomes successful, he says, we got a whole bunch of Jennys. We have 12 Jennys. So I have a fleet. I'm a common guy. You get one. We can take the other 11 if we want.

Okay. Shane and Sean, you're on a boat. You're on a shrimp boat in Louisiana. Yeah, I went and I throw him off. Which one of you is steering it and which one of you is strapping yourself to the mast and screaming at the hurricane like it's God? How long have we been on the ship? Three weeks?

Three weeks? Oh, I've thrown Sean overboard if it's three weeks. You've tried. You've tried. I think the way to ask the question, Ian, is to ask ourselves, who would we, if we were on a boat with Sean and Shane, who would we want strapped in to the cockpit piloting the craft? Who do we trust more? It's a very clear answer. I think it's probably Shane.

It's me. I think it is Shane as well. I think Shane would take it more. Shane would kill himself to get us home safely. Yeah. I've seen Shane in a peacoat before. How are you going to get home safely if the driver kills himself? The driver?

The captain of the boat. Hey, the boat driver. I'm a bus pilot. How's that, you fucking moron? You probably are. I don't know if we need... Well, there's one or two ways to look at it. Sean sincerely believes he's in the top 1%

of unpaid drivers, car drivers, in the world. So is that the kind of confidence we want in a hurricane, or is that the kind of confidence we definitely don't want in a hurricane? You ever seen Shane drive a U-Haul? You've never seen something get flustered quicker. I was shotgun seen Shane drive a U-Haul? You've never seen something get flustered quicker.

I was shotgun when he drove a U-Haul and some woman was on her phone for 10 seconds and he fucking hair was in his face. He lost his mind. Then the cat got out of the house he was moving into. That U-Haul and all its cargo got to where it was going. Because Zach and I were fucking rubbing your arms,

calming you down. You can not like the way I do things, but you can't you can not like the way I do things, but you can't argue with the results. It's fucking me. It's so not you. You're going to put on arm floaties. Yeah, you guys want a bunch of layovers or you want a direct flight? You talk to your boy over here. Yeah, well, you're not going through Sioux Falls if you want a direct flight.

But then again, you're not going to climb up on that. I'm probably going to have to do both. You can sit and eat all the vegetables because I ain't doing any of that. but then again you're not you're not going to climb up on that I'm probably going to have to do both you can just you can sit and eat all the vegetables because I ain't doing any of that so you can have all the vegetables in the hall or wherever vegetables go

and then the hall you're going to have a steering wheel installed on top of the mess so you can steer the boat oh I'll give you a steering wheel like they have on little kids like play

play fortresses things where it's just like a steering wheel attached to nothing play fortresses things you're really you're already falling apart trying to explain this. You can't be able to just drop five grade levels

in the 30 seconds we've been having this conversation. His brain is overclocked doing all the smart words. If you feel Sean's forehead, it's hot right now. Start the fan on the vent. It's like I'm downloading a bunch of things and watching Goodfellas.

Your lap is hot. Yeah, and I got like a towel in the wrong spot on the computer for some reason. Jason, time for your fourth pick. My fourth pick, I'm going to take it back way back to my childhood. The MS

Pacific Princess. The boat from the love boat. MS Pacific Princess, the boat from The Love Boat. Yeah. A wonderful television show of the type they just don't make anymore. The Love Boat was a anthology rom-com series

set on a cruise ship that went down to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico from Los Angeles and Southern California area. And each episode would track the arc of several characters who board the vessel and fall in love with other characters. It was like a rom-com,

an anthology rom-com series. It was fantastic. The Love Boat. I mean, not to repeat a meme. It had a great theme song. A great theme song, but we used to be a proper country. We truly used to, like, because you had this,

you had Columbo, you had these anthology series where it's like Fantasy Island. Fantasy Island. You got a few main players. Another famous, there's another famous boat series. I'm not going to say the pick, but. Yeah. Yeah, we know it. Well, I mean, those were all the same cast. Are you talking about the scenes from Ballers that

take place on a big boat? That's on Netflix now. Ballers is on Netflix? Yeah. HBO was like, even the new Max. In the day and age where IP is more valuable than it has ever been and people

are hoarding it HBO was like we're going to lease this out well it's happening because of the strike right am I or can we not talk about this like right networks are giving other network shows they're buying shows so it looks like they have new programming because they can't get any new programming so like Netflix

licensed that from HBO and like they need new programming HBO needs money so licensed that from HBO and like they need new programming. HBO needs money. So it's just like Symbian Circle type thing. Uh-oh, holler at your boy. And yeah,

so now people will watch Netflix and be like, Ballers, what's this? Honey, do you know that The Rock was in a television show? The Rock has a new show out. Why haven't we seen anything about it?

I can't wait for someone to try to be slipping around me and tell me it's a new show. That being said, there is a baller subway ad that has been up at my stop for all three years I've lived in this apartment. Like, it is... It is still there.

It's like new... That show. Can we draft ballers on Sunday? Yeah. For a new generation. That would be difficult. A new generation of people to find out, to see the biggest suit vests that have ever been constructed in the history of humanity. It is insane. The Love Boat.

Yeah. It's just great. Sean, you wouldn't want to watch an anthology rom-com series every week at the different rom-coms? Of course I would. I'm trying to think of the rotating cast part. We used to talk about that. If they just kept Entourage going every season, anthology rom-com series? Of course I would. I'm trying to think of the rotating cast part. Like, we used to talk about that.

Like, if they just kept Entourage going every season, it could be a young new actor or whatever. I love that. And keep, like, Ari and,

obviously, you got to keep Dana Gordon. You got to get her on the phone. Oh, my God. you just, you keep, like, it's an evergreen show.

There's a lot of shows that could be like that that just aren't, and it's frustrating. Saved by the Bell tried it where they tried like the new class or whatever.

Grey's Anatomy is trying it now but you can't have a cast for, I don't know, Grey's Anatomy has got a real ship of theseus thing

going on right now, right? Where they just keep like bringing in new people and they're like, no, no, it's still. They'll get rid of two, bring in two,

get rid of two but I don't, I'm not feeling nothing for this new cast. Sorry if you're listening. I hope you are but I'm not. And I love that show, man and I'm not feeling nothing for this new cast. Sorry if you're listening. I hope you are, but I'm not. And I love that show, man, and I'm just

none of the new ones are doing them for me. They'll work their way into your heart. I'll give them every episode they write, man. That's fine. We want to know what you're feeling for your fourth pick. That's our question. Man, you really got me, Shane. Hats off to you. You have a hat.

Take it off. Take it off. If you say hats off, fucking put your money where you're at. Thank you. Hats off to you. You have a hat. Take it off. Take it off. If you say hats off, fucking put your money where you want. Thank you. Hats off to you. I did not expect myself having to get nuts here. I'm going to pick...

This isn't too crazy. I'm going to pick the sailboat from What About Bob that they strap him to and take him sailing. I'm sailing! Dr. Marvin, I sail. I'm a sailor. I sail. He's scared

to sail. He's scared to get on the boat. What About Bob, if you've never seen it, he's just got all the phobias you can have. Scared to leave the house. Da-da-da. Shenanigans ensue when he follows his therapist to Lake Winnipesaukee. Richard Dreyfuss' daughter ends up... Shenanigans ensue when he follows his therapist to Lake Winnipesaukee. Richard Dreyfuss' daughter ends up taking

Bob sailing and they have to tie him to the mast, I guess it would be. They lieutenant Dan him. Yeah, you should be the one in charge of the boat when we're on it. And then he just has a great time sailing. And that's it. He just goes sailing and it's it he just goes sailing

and it's great you never seen What About Bobby yet? is that what you're about to say? I would love to see you host a you know like on USA where they used to have where there would be a host

coming in and out of the movie up all night up all night. Up all night. Up all night. I would love to see you host one of those shows where you're like shenanigans ensue. Bring that back. Man, if it was like movies you were stoked on, it'd be

so dank. Every Sunday morning, you should host TNT. We should host TNT. Who are you talking? I mean, we should be, they should have likeNT. We should host TNT. Who are you talking? I mean, we should be, they should have like TNT, every hangover movies on TNT where we just host them. And then you go in and out of the movies and we talk about them. I could almost tell you,

so could you what they're going to play before it plays. That could be a Grubhub. You could get a Grubhub sponsorship or a seamless sponsorship for that show. Come on. That's what we did on Sunday for four years. Every single Sunday. It was the best.

Except during football season. Ted Turner, holler at us. He'd be like, you guys want pizza, boy? Come on, TT. And then we'd nod and then we'd just leave it to you to play jazz because you're so good at jazz. And the stuff that showed up, man, those were like, you ever think about the best?

I get real emotional for a second. You ever think about like the best times of your life and kind of put them in like little quadrants or whatever? Those Sundays, like when I lived in LA, when we lived at the Fortress, some of those days were, I will look back as some of the best days of my whole life. And for different reasons, but they really are just cemented in there as just perfect days. You know what I mean? They were perfect days.

Absolutely. And you don't realize it when it's happening sometimes. No wife, no kids to hold you down. And now you're all shackled down. Nothing dragging me to the bottom of Davy Jones' locker. Just a sailor out to sea. That's right. One true love.

Just out there. Throwing the nightmare ship around. No one to tell you out to sea. That's right. One true love. Just out there. Throwing the nightmare ship around, you know, no one to tell you what to do. Wind in your sail. If I leave early enough, can I get that feeling back? I can't, no. 5 a.m. I vowed to do what my father before me couldn't,

and that was stick around. So I can't go anywhere. I'm here. Thanks for making it fun. Time for my fourth and final picks. Man, a lot of boats have gone. Yeah. A lot of ships have sailed.

A lot of ships have sailed. They're gone. Okay. Well, I'll say this. I'll say this to intro my first pick. Hold on. Hold on. It's going to take a second but it's going to be worth it

Looking up a monologue are you April 1805 Napoleon is master of Europe Only the British fleet stands before him Oceans Are now battlefields Taking the HMS surprise Captain by Russell Crowe.

Yeah. From Master and Commander. Great movie. One of the great movies, great action films of the last 10 years. Just so good. It's such a good movie. It's so good. Shane, have you seen Master and Commander? I have, but it's been a long, long, long, long, long time.

So I don't quite... Boy, it's fucking good. Russell Crowe plays Captain Jack Aubrey of the HMS Surprise. They're like off the coast of South America or something like that. Yeah, Brazil. The fucking frogs, dude. The fucking French. Napoleon's

Ocean. They gotta take it back, baby. They gotta fucking take it back. They end up, they're also on a scientific mission. They gotta fucking take it back. They end up, they're also on a scientific mission, so there's some of that. Friendship, heartbreak,

war, men, tall ships, tall men, brave men, Russell Crowe's cheeks. Yeah. It's got everything.

Little kids as officers on a military naval vessel. Yeah, little dudes in little outfits. Little dudes in little outfits? Yeah, there's like little 13-year-olds who are like lieutenants on the boat. vessel. Yeah, little dudes in little outfits. Little dudes in little outfits? Yeah, there's like little 13-year-olds who are like lieutenants on the boat. Yeah. Yeah. Get to my sound,

shoots a cannonball. Paul Bettany's on there doing work. Paul Bettany is the doctor? Yeah. I'd buy that. Paul Bettany could walk up to me anywhere, anytime.

I didn't know who Paul Bettany was. He'd just tell me he's a doctor. I'd buy that. Yeah, Paul Bettany. Beautiful doctor. Did he marry Jennifer Connelly? Paul Bettany? He did. Yeah. Attractive kids. Attractive kids is what they would have. Yeah. Probably.

Certainly. Sometimes for like hot people, like oftentimes they will just have like, when they're children, when they grow up to hot age, will be hot. But like, sometimes hot people are hot so weird. Uh-huh. I know what you mean. That's true. Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman.

They're hot. They're weird hot, both of them. They're weird hot, but their daughter is beautiful. Their daughter is gorgeous. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying they're both like weird hot. Ethan Hawke's regular good looking. Uma Thurman is weird hot. Yeah. Who's a weird hot guy? Oh, Cillian Murphy? Patrick Swayze? Yeah. Who's a weird hot guy? Oh, Cillian Murphy? Patrick Swayze? Yeah.

Shane Torres? Caveman hot. Shane Torres, caveman hot. No, you're classic. You know what it is? Two good-looking people, two hot people, it's like getting a 10 in blackjack. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. You know that you're working with something good,

but it doesn't always pan out the way you think it will. If the other card is a four, all of a sudden you find yourself in a very uncomfortable position. That's right. Sure. But not a four, like where you describe someone's good looks. I mean,

obviously we know, we know from seeing me in Las Vegas that I know how to gamble. You do know how to gamble. Well, you did for a day and a half. You did. You did for a short while. You sure't want to look around for a waitress for a free drink. I knew how to let people know

I had $800 in chips. You know when to hold them. It's the folding them that's hard for you. I know when to hold them way up high and let all the strangers know what I got. You don't know when to walk away. You definitely don't know when to run. You were just sitting at that table waiting for a waitress to come by with free drinks. That's how they get you.

And you had hard iced teas in both hands. You lost $800 waiting for a free whiskey. Yeah. You prick. I didn't lose it because I didn't have it two days earlier. Yeah. Okay. I mean, so if I remember correctly.

Do you feel like that with paychecks too? If I remember correctly, you had trouble operating an ATM to get the money out. You don't remember correctly. I didn't take any money. I do. I came with cash. I came with like $200 to spend. So I guess technically, yes, I ended up down $200. But yeah.

I had fun. The way I look at it, that's like the fun tax. Yeah. It was fun. David just sitting there like, dude, you don't have to. Yes. I was like, there's no other way.

Everyone saying, dude, you don't have to. Not just David. David, too. You got a baked potato at the steak dinner. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but that was smart because nobody could finish their steak. So all of a sudden, Sean, who just ordered a baked potato, had all the steak and lobster he could eat, which was not very much. Well, the lobster found its way

straight to the garbage, but yeah, I had a bunch of steak. I'm going to take with my final pick. Everybody watch Master and Commander if you haven't seen it. I got to go. I got to get. It's sitting there on the board. I'm taking the Pequod from Moby Dick. Oh, classic. Got to go to literature.

Captain Ahab piloted it on his voyage of madness and obsession. Home to Queequeg. Home to Ishmael. Queequeg, dude. Out here. Throwing harpoons at whales. All I know about Moby Dick

is what they say in Major League. Is what Tom Berender says to Rene Russo in Major League. That's all I know about Moby Dick is what they say in Major League. It's what Tom Berender says to Rene Russo in Major League. That's all I know about Moby Dick. I want you in 2024. Cover to cover, baby. How much would I have to pay you to read Moby Dick? Did you ever read Moby Dick? Quick wax quaffing.

That's all I know about him. I'm on strike, so I can't say how much can I pay you anymore because I just don't have any income. But on the Patreon, what goal would we have to hit for you to read

cover to cover Moby Dick? 2,000 subs. How about that? 2,000 more subscriptions? No, just 2,000 total. What are we at right now? About 1,500 more. Okay. Let's say it right. The gauntlet has been thrown. If we get to 2,000 total. So about 1,500 more. Okay. Let's say it right.

The gauntlet has been thrown. If we get to 2,000 subs on Patreon, you read Moby Dick. No. He reads it for the Patreon allowed. Hold on. That's the content they get. I couldn't be more wrong. 1,46

more. Wow. Okay. That'll get us to 2,000 subs. He reads it for the Patreon. I think he does. I can't. That'd be so boring. I just read the whole thing out loud. No, I think we put you in costume. You act out.

I'll do a chapter by chapter synopsis. Synopsis. You guys hearing me today? I just used synopsis. I'll do a chapter by chapter synopsis. Ifopsis. You guys are hearing me today? Yeah, synopsis. I'll do a chapter-by-chapter synopsis. If we get to 2,000 patrons, then yes, I will do that. It'd be actually awesome.

I gotta read. It's part of something people gotta do. You are jumping into the deep end, my friend, but let's fucking do it. All right. John, not only are you going to read Moby Dick, but you're also going to make your final pick. Let's hop into the controversial end. So in Super Mario Brothers, for my final pick,

Super Mario Brothers 3, Bowser's, the last level, Bowser's floating definitely a boat. Ship, definitely a boat. But it is flying through the air. That's what I want to pick. I want to pick Bowser, the last level before you get to Bowser in Mario 3. The flying boat.

That is a boat. For sure. The flying boat that is a boat. Devil's advocate. It's a boat. Yeah. Maybe we don't have you read aloud to people. A boat is a boat for sure if it flies.

A boat is a boat for sure if it flies. A man is a man for sure if he dies. Whoa! Whoa! Look at you Buckaroo The blue isn't blue in the bluest of skies I love my friends and I look in their eyes

Wow dude look at this Now open your thighs And let me put my night bitch This is what happens before you go to Sioux Falls You do a big word poetry dump And then you just get there and you're like You just do a big word poetry dump, and then you just get there and you're like, duh. No, you just do a big dump.

You just do a big dump. Kill whatever brain cells have bravely stepped up to the front line. We're setting a dangerous precedent. Okay, we don't have to. I have another pick. I'm just saying, because what is a spaceship, but a submarine in the sky? Let me do this. You've rivaled my poetry

with more poetry, my friend. This is a river I have not crossed. Reverse. Look at you, using metaphors now too. Should I call it audible at the line of scrimmage? No, no, no, no.

I think we take it. Bowser's ship. I'm just saying, you have opened the door. I waited until the last round to open the door. Because I thought, you know, Jason could open it too. And also ship. I'm just saying you have opened the door. I waited to the last round to open the door. Because I thought, you know, Jason could open it too. And also, Shane, by the way, usurped my last two picks.

You already used that. Yeah, but come on. What are we doing? Jason, time for your final pick. This guy usurped me in the drive-thru at Paco Bell. Okay. I'm going to push the envelope as well, inspired by Sean. My final

pick is the whale in which Jonah lived in for three days under the water. It was a boat at that time. It was a seagoing vessel because he was inside of it.

And he was in there for multiple days. And it inspired him to reconnect with his career as a prophet. And I think that that counts. Who Jonah? This is our third... You don't know about Jonah and the whale? I don't think so.

You don't know about Jonah and the whale? Sounds like a ban to me. My name is Jonas. No, it's Jonah and the whale? You don't know about Jonah and the whale? Sounds like a band to me. My name is Jonas. No, it's Jonah and the whale. A whale swallowed Jonah and he lived in his belly. Nothing? Not at all? No way. No way? Well, I know about it. Jonah was a prophet of

Israel and he was like, I don't want to do it anymore. And then one day he's out on the sea. He doesn't know about Jonah and the whale and you're going to give him a profit from Israel as a starting point? These all sound like bands to me. And a whale comes up and he swallows him and then he lives for like three, four days inside the whale.

And he's like praying like, God, I promise I'll become a fucking prophet again if you let me out. And he gets out and he becomes a prophet again. Okay. I like it. I think it counts. Yeah, I'm going to have to defer to the ultimate judge on this one. God? I think she

would approve. I think God has made herself very clear on whether or not Jonah was a... And that clap for you. Shane, what is your... What's the objection? Okay, well then I take the shark from Jaws because it ate two people and those people were in there. No, but they weren't alive. They weren't alive inside of it, Shane.

No, okay, but it's not about whether it's alive or not. It's not about whether it's alive or not. It's not about whether it's alive or not. You asked, you want my opinion or not? Of course, neither were the sailors on the Flying Dutchman. You said it has to be a sea-going vessel. Didn't say it has to be alive. Somebody here took a goddamn ghost boat. Oh, so

I'm guessing now you believe in ghost stories. I mean, I'll change it. I'll change it. No, I think this is a brilliant... Isaac? Here's what I'm saying. If it goes over, I totally understand, but I just want it on the record. That's not a fucking boat. Isaac, cut that last part out please

Isaac you were a big bible boy get in here you were a big bible boy Isaac cleaned the big bible boy he's a big bible boy I studied theology formally well there is a boat in the Jonah story

the boat that he is thrown off of but is the whale a boat first of all it's a big fish it doesn'tafaring vessel? First of all, it's a big fish. It doesn't say it's a whale. But we guess it's a whale. Obviously, it's a huge fish. It says big fish. Is the Bible just a dumb job? No, in Hebrew,

it's you before this episode of the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, big fish. Does the big fish count as a boat? I mean, he survives according to the mythos. It's not about survival.

He goes from point A to point B. It was a metaphorical. There's a passenger in the thing. I'm going to go to Red Lobster and order a cruise ship for dinner. Yeah, but there's no people inside. There's no passengers inside the lobster. There is probably a secret menu item called the cruise ship for dinner. How's that? Okay. Yeah, but there's no people inside of it.

There's no passengers inside the lobster. There is probably a secret menu item called the cruise ship. There's no passengers inside the lobster? Is that something you're going to fucking say to me? Red Lobster there is. It's just parasites. Go say all this and see what they give you.

Be like, I want a lobster cruise ship, but there's no passengers inside the lobster, is there? I bet if you order a cruise ship at Red Lobster, something comes out. Yeah, we're putting passengers on there, sir. I think it's a lobster stuffed full of Cheddar Bay biscuits.

It's probably delicious. Ooh. I think the big fish counts. I think the big fish counts because he does go from the middle of the ocean to Nineveh. Don't be sorry.

I just want to get my feelings on the record. I understand it, Kim. Not everyone. Your feelings are Nine of our business. Shane Torres, it is time for your final pick. Oh, man. Okay.

I am going to go with, since we can pick anything. Friendship. I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking I'm looking I'm looking Friendship Friendship Ian said it not me I'm gonna go

with a little ship from a movie called Inner Space starring Dennis Quaid Okay I love Inner Space Is it aaid. Okay. Hold on. Is that a sea vessel? No, it's a ship. If he gets a fucking whale, I get a actual ship.

It does go inside of the ocean of a human being. Suppose it's all fluid. There's no negative space in there, huh? Yeah. It's wet. I'm taking the U-571. Never mind. Oh, okay. Is that the Bon Jovi ship? Not K-19, The Widowmaker?

It's the Bon Jovi ship. Shane's seen the sub-movie with Bon Jovi, but not the one with... I haven't seen that one. I know it is. What's your favorite sub-movie? I haven't seen that one. I actually haven't seen that either.

I just know it's a movie with Bon Jovi. This also has Harvey Keitel in it. I have to seen that one. I actually haven't seen that either. I just know it's a movie. It's Bon Jovi. This also has Harvey Keitel in it. I have to tell you this. I met this girl. Keitel it. And we were talking. Can I Harvey Keitel you something? Can I tell you something real quick?

That's when we have to deliver some ugly truth to somebody. Some ugly gravelly news. I got a Harvey Ke I tell you something, so sit down. I met this girl, and we were talking, and she goes, oh, my dad's an actor.

And I was like, oh, would he be in anything? He was in that movie, U571. I'd get excited, but not really. And then I go, who's your dad? And she goes, Bon Jovi. Shut up. Yeah, she described her dad

as an actor. I'm telling this story. I stole it from someone. I can't remember who it was, but this is a story he told me. She goes, my dad's an actor. His name is Jon Bon Jovi. Yeah, daughter Jovi thinks her dad is an actor Because he was in New Year's Eve

In U571 Her last name is actually Bon Jovi Because that's John Bon Jovi's actual last name It's Bon Jovi Bon Jovi Isn't that fun? Yeah, idiot So I guess I'm going with U571

Because the alternative would be his name's John Jovi, which would be insane. Or Bon Jovi. John Jovi. You got to throw a Bon in there just to separate the Js. Bon John Jovi. Bon John Jovi. Bon John Jovi.

Bon John Jovi. Bon John Jovi to you. And Bon John... I stepped in dog shit and I looked up and I said why Bon Jongevier alright U571 which is a submarine there was some other shit

on the board bud it's a U boat Shane has taken a Nazi vessel driving around your Volkswagen wearing your Adidas around I get it I see what you're trying to do a Nazi vessel. Driving around your Volkswagen wearing your Adidas around. I get it. I see what you're trying to do. Eating poodoo, poodoo.

U571. Not K-19, the Widowmaker. And that is the final pick except for Isaac Lee, Super Producer Isaac, do you have a pick in the fictional vessels? We picked the Bible

pretty clean here. Yeah, no, I'm not going to go with the Bible. Actually, I am surprised that here. Yeah, no, I'm not going to go with the Bible. Actually, I am surprised that Jason didn't pick this, but I'm going to pick the boats that the Hogwarts students take in Harry Potter to get to the

castle. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. The one that the French students show up in too? Oh, the Durmstrang. Yeah, yeah, the Durmstrang one. Yeah, that one sounds pretty big. Bobaton and Durmstrang. Bobaton and Durmstrang. Yeah, yeah. The Durmstrang one. Bobaton and Durmstrang. Bobaton and Durmstrang, yeah. Bobaton like fly in? Is that right, Jay? They did fly in.

Yeah, but the Durmstrang like emerged from the lake. But yeah, I'm going to take the Hogwarts boats because... You heard it here first. Isaac Lee, trans, exclusionary. No, no, no. I absolutely do not fuck. You heard it here first. Isaac Lee, trans, exclusionary. No, no, no. Okay.

I absolutely do not fuck with Joe Rowling. I took the Red October, Noah's Ark, the Flying Dutchman, the HMS Surprise, and the Pequod. Sean went second. He took the raft from Castaway, the nightmare boat from Willy Wonka, the rowboat from The Notebook, the sailboat from What About Bob, and Bowser's ship, which is definitely a ship. Jason went third. He took the Ark of the Bull Rushes, the door from Titanic,

the orca from Jaws, the Pacific Princess, a.k.a. the Love Boat, and Jonah's Whale. Shane went last. He took the yellow submarine, the Norse ship Naglafar. Made out of toenails and fingernails. The speedboat, suck my way from the great outdoors.

The Gen A and the U-571, a Nazi craft. I got a question. So my sixth man over here. Of course you do. The houseboat from Sleepless on Seattle. Now, would that have counted? Yeah, sure. Yeah, of course. Yeah, whatever floats your boat.

There's a boat in the name. You know what doesn't have a boat in the name? Airplane? Whale. I mean, you can say whale boat. That's because it's never been repeated. It's a big fish. Whale boat. We left a lot of

stuff on the board. The ship from Speed 2, the cruise control. Oh, that's right. on the board. The ship from Speed 2, the cruise control. Oh, that's right. Under Siege. The boat from Moana. Cruise control. The ship that Liam Neeson jumps on to kill the last guy in Taken. The HMS Pinafore.

The ship from the Die Hard Good Day to Die Hard, where they slide down the court. The one that sounds most like having a boner. Any of those boats from like Call of Duty? There's always a boat level. Yeah.

SS Minnow. I don't really know shit about Gilligan's Island, but that was right. The SS Minnow, that was their boat. That was real. I was waiting for, I think everybody was kind of waiting for it. Yeah.

Dawson's boat from Dawson's Creek. Oh, that's right. Oh, you know what I thought you were going to pick, Ian, was the Talon Mr. Ripley boat. Oh, that would have been a great pick. I kind of thought you had it on the list. See that movie. That movie is great.

Great. My queen doesn't like it. A little tidbit. Divorce, dude.. My queen doesn't like it. Little tidbit. Divorce, dude. Call up Ivan Carmel. Get him on the horn. He'll handle it. Clean. Speaking of boats, Ivan Carmel. I can't call you senior. That man has a

boat. Yeah. Well, we want to hear your picks. Send us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE Subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac Lee, who has a very open heart and an open mind

and is not at all a TERF. Just jokes. Just jokes, folks. Yeah, I don't fuck with Joe Rowling. I just want to say that one more time. This podcast, Isaac, from the top down to the bottom, the hosts,

say we don't fuck with J.K. Rowling. True story. And we want you to be who you are and fly your flag. Shane, we don't know. KG on the issue. We know. KG on the issue. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Speaking of Ocean, shout out to

Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Haji Beat. Shout out to Sid the Dude. And more important than all of that, tune in next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Who's going to say shaklackity? Shane? Shaklackity! that was a hate gun podcast