All Fantasy Everything - Shower Thoughts (w/ Blair Socci)

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Rejoice, All Family, for the Big Dog is back.Guest:Blair Socci (@blairsocci)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. We'll do another brand new episode of all fantasy everything. The podcast and fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things you think about in the shower. Our guest today, the big dog is back. Oh, what's up, if we? Blair Socky, I'm your host, Ian Carmel with me, as always my friends. And comedian, Sean Jordan and David Borey.

Here we are. minute. I'm upset about my dog noises. I feel like I haven't really brought it this morning. Let's get it. Let's give you a clean runway here. Give me a, like a, like, leave me in. Okay. The big dog is here. Blair Saki! Boom, woo, whew! Oh, I like that.

That was clean. That was tough. Those came out with like some, like, whoo, like with some hair. Because the problem is my dog is a baby dog. She's like not. Right. Do you think that's a good, she's got a mean bark on her. She's big.

She is big. Some of the smallest dogs are the toughest. Put it on my tombstone. The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs, you know. Is that one? It's something. It's an album by the Be Good Tanya's. Whoa.

A folk duo that my older sister put me on to. That's cool. It's a good song. Littlest Bird sing the prettiest songs. Fire it up right now, Isaac. Play the entire thing on the podcast. Oh, you don't have it on memory? You don't have it on?

You don't have it on memory? I don't know the song. Sing us a few bars. I don't know what the song is. Well, I feel like an old hobo All sad and lonesome and blue Yeah, you know that. I knew what was going to have.

I think that haunted white ladies like singing about a lot of those. Oh, the hobo lifestyle appeals to anyone with wander with a little bit of peregrination in their soul. Whoa. Paragination. I like Evian. People don't throw the throw around hobo that much anymore, no? No, you don't hear hobo as much.

That's like 80s, 90s. I think opiates. I think the widespread. spread use of opiates killed the hobo. Oh no. Like literally killed him. Well, not like transformed hobo into Roxie's killed the hobo?

That's a Portland band. Yeah, that's right. I play bass for Roxie's killed the hobo. Roxie's killed the hobo. You don't get any, people aren't riding the rails the way they used to. Well, I used to know some train hopper kids because Denver has a train yard. And then all those kids from my school had that crazy house. and like train kids are like

trains are fucked because those still they can kill you They have beat justice out there in the middle of nowhere The Bulls will kill you The train cops are they'll beat the shit That's how Sean got out to Portland Yeah, rode the rails Also my stepdad

Hopped trains Nope, it's a good car My stepdad hop trains from Tacoma to Washington D.C. Is that right? Wow That's a schlep Yeah He said

He said it in like the 80s He said when he did it He could tell that that was like he was he said that he could kind of tell that that's like the end of like people aren't going to really be doing that felt like something was

Let me ask you this have you ever crossed a train that was on a rail that was like blocking us you know what I mean? Yeah I got busted by the cops of the super mall It's scary in Auburn and Washington Oh crawling over a train Yeah if it stops there

It's scary though it was a little bit yeah It's just freaky A lot of things are scary Freaky deep That was scary, dude. If you're just listening, I almost punch on a train. I'm trying to get on a train A-top. I love trains.

Gorgeous. Probably Europe. I took the one back from Seattle not too long ago. Did you? I got a gig in Santa Barbara in a few weeks. You had a surf rider. Yeah. Okay.

You got to do that. I'm going to take it. A two-hour train ride, like here to San Diego, that's great. That easy. It's right along the ocean. That was perfect. Santa Barbara's probably about the same. I always wanted to take the Zephyr line.

They say it's like the most beautiful. a line from Chicago to San Francisco. Oh, really? Probably I have a lot of time. Yeah, the Zephyr. It's supposed to be amazing. I want to take the one from Seattle, or to L.A. Seattle, L.A.

I did, I did Portland to S.F. one time. And it was way longer than I thought it was. Yeah, that's the thing about 205 hours or something. It was like, I remember in the middle of it feeling like, that's really long. This was not a hack. Yeah. I think it was, I think.

I think if I recall it was after a bridge town too, so I was depleted. They have high-speed rail in other places. They could build it here. Yeah. Yeah. I would like a high-speed rail. London to Paris is like three and a half hours. They've also been saying that they were doing one from L.A. to Las Vegas for years and they haven't.

I always heard that from S.F. to L.A. Oh. Can you imagine the train ride back? It'd be like the plane ride back to L.A. It can't be worse than being in traffic. in the car when the, you know. Oh, with sun's beating down on you. That's kind of a chapet with a Chapo-lay in it.

Yeah. You're deciding whether or not to pull off and get Taco Bell. Yeah. We did. We did. We did. That was literally when we were coming. Remember, it took us like seven hours.

And then the emergency when we got back. Holy cow. Yeah. Oh, you had to shit. No, you had to go to Jamie Fox's house. No. Oh, I did you do both. You had to shoot at Jamie Fox's house.

I had a shit at Jamie Fox's house. No. No. He only allowed number one. I was supposed to go to it. So, So I had a shit really bad. He seems like a generous guy.

I think he would let you shit there. Yeah. I was supposed to meet him to write for him because he was meeting with a bunch of stand-up comedians to write his stand-up for him. But he no showed me. I went to his house. Somehow someone let me in through the gate. You bodyguarded it.

Like you got in. I got in. I just like kept hitting the button at the gate for like 20 minutes because it was a long drive. I'll say that. I'm like, well, I'm not going to just fucking turn around to leave. Yes, exactly right. Definitely. And eventually the gate just opened.

And I was like, well, I guess I drive up. And it's just when I get murdered by Jamie Fox. And he just never, he just never showed up. I wonder where he was. I sat in his living room. I sat in his dining room. There was a plate with eggs on it. You eat me?

Hard boiled? No, I didn't eat any eggs. Did you feel his eyes upon you? No, there was a painting of him with the eyes cut out, and they were following. You wanted to see how I acted? If I would have eaten the eggs, you would have hired me. That'd be crazy. I wonder where Jamie Fox is right now.

Maybe he's not too far away. He probably just woke up from like two girls in his bed and is like going to his hardcore TRX trainer. Yeah, he's probably going to a trainer. I watched a video about him jerking. I'm sorry? I'm sorry? I thought I thought. Follow that thought.

I think I was thinking about shower thoughts and then I was talking about Jamie Fox. Oh, no. I watched a video of him working out. Oh, yeah. Almost a jerking out. I watch a video of him talking about working out, and he talks about he doesn't do a lot. He just does it every day.

That's what I try to live by. So he's like, it's like a very, it's not a crazy program. He's consistent. Yeah, he just, and he was like, he's one of those guys who says, you know, he's stay in shape, you don't have to get in shape. Right. Willie Beeman mentality. Yeah, steaming.

He keeps the ladies cold cream. Cold cream. Whoa. Cold cream. Yupsie. Cold cream's a thing. So maybe he just. keeps them like cold cream and laugh.

I doubt it. I doubt it. I doubt it. I doubt it. I doubt it. He was singing that song. He was singing that song, but it was a metrics commercial. Yeah.

He's a metric. And he flexes in the, when the bikini at the end. Inflate your chest. Metrics. Whoa. You know what? Something I've noticed about you and are you as a friendship as you are a stu-a-lical analyst. Oh, it's because I can't remember conversations with loved ones.

Oh. You really can hear that you can really listen deep in a song though Yeah yeah it's like it's like a weird It's like easier for me to pay attention and take from that Then a lot of times I'll have conversation with people I care about and I'm not really sure what's going on That's all right we love you as you are That's right A stupid lyrical analyst

You keep all of us cold creamin Cold creaming cold cream was so crazy As a kid, I was like, he must be really sexy. They're cold cream. That was on the way back from Vegas, I had to cold cream. I don't know I was a cold cream emergency. Whoa. When you had to poop.

That's not what cold cream is. That's not what cold cream is. That's not what cold cream is. That's not what cold cream is. You thought that's what you was talking about? I went in cold cream. I keep the ladies having a poop. They have to poop?

No, I had to cold cream. You had to go jack off. An orgasm. That's right. Cold cream. That's right. Yeah. So I got home and I had a cold cream emergency.

You were so horny in the car about me saying I had to poop. Guys are so weird. They get horny together. Yeah. Oh, I'm not horny. I'm locked in right now. Yeah. I think what he meant is that like, you know how you're like I had it down cold?

I think he meant I had him creaming cold. Oh, like he was so good in the ladies cream. Yeah, I had him creaming. Kind of an Isaac Cay-Lee situation. I was just going to say. Who weighed all the pussy? Who ate all the pussy Isaac red leather

Pussy Destroyer Cold creaming in there That's what the K stands for Cold creaming Cold creaming You smell the K like the cotton mouth king That's right Crispy cream

I'm innocent Your Honor I'm innocent Prior to this podcast start I was here early Like I do And I was talking about How I had to pick a certain outfit

Because I'm going to my trainer After this And I said yeah I got a sports broad And he said yeah that's crazy. And I said they're hard to get off though. He says, oh, I know.

I've never been able to get one off a woman. Wow. You said that? I did say that. It's true. But in context, it's not that crazy. I was helping a woman with whom I had amorous connections with. Just an interesting thing to volunteer, Red Blather Pussy Destroyer!

I was trying to relate with you, Blair. I was trying to say that. No, I appreciate that. And it made for a good story that I'm relaying to the group right now. We need a fun, we need like a DJ drop to say after he said, say red leather. Red leather pussy dust. Troy! Bop, boom, bump!

Yeah, we should drop that every time you talk. Every time? Yeah. He has to edit it in himself. We just gave him more work. Or we could leave it up to your discretion, but it has to appear in every episode. Yeah, go creaming. New bet.

I have to do this? Has to appear in every episode. Okay, this is going to affect my paycheck if I know. Do you care about being joy to people or no? I mean, a little bit, yeah. Oh, that's good. That's so great to hear. It sounds like a lot of bit if you have these deep concerns about getting sports bras off.

I think you care about bringing enjoyment to people very much. Why is it so hard to get off? I don't get it. Because you're strapped in like vitro. So it's super hard to get on to then? Yeah, kind of. It's hard to get spanks off too. Oh my God, brother.

You don't even want to think about it. Tough. It's a tough row to hoe. One time I went to a wedding many, many, many years ago. And sometimes it's difficult to breathe in those things. So after, you know, one or 20 adult beverages, I, um, took my spanks off and I guess threw them in a bushes and it was like our family friends wedding

and the next day my mom was on the phone and she's like yeah Beth said that somebody she found their spanks in the bushes and I was like who the fuck would do something like that? Yeah you can't cop to that. What kind of animals do we're? Probably the girl who barf next to her.

I must have been her. Yeah. I was young girl, 23, sheik. Sheeked. Nobody knew. It's sheeped to barf in the bushes. Nobody knows if you puke in the bushes and then you come back and you know,

you clean yourself up. It's better than you can... No, you got a floor. Yeah. Yeah. It was in altitude. I get altitude sickness. What are you going to do?

Like mountain? Like Denver? Or like high mountain? Idaho. Oh, Sun Valley? It was the top of Mount Fuji. Destination wedding. I don't think I'd be able to breathe up there.

How is you think? What, Mount Fuji? Yeah. Is that right? Well, you're the guy wearing the Tokyo hat right now. I planned a day trip. We didn't go. You didn't go?

It's a great hat. We just did some other stuff. We really, when I went to Tokyo with my brothers, we really just walked around and talked shit in eight. I mean, that sounds perfect. Did that have a formal tea ceremony? No, we didn't even. We would just go to parks and then we would eat. Yeah.

We went to the, what is it, the, omicose? Yeah, yeah, with the Japanese bathhouse. Wow. That was awesome. I think that's not omicase. I think omicase. Ficechi, I think, is what you're talking about. Okay.

I don't know. We went to the bathhouse that you can have tattoos at. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because my brother's got tattoos. And then there were some guys with some other kind of tattoos. Oh. Like a lot of guys.

Like a full back tattoo of Celine Dion on the front of the Titanic. But she was on a dragon. I would die to see that. Wouldn't that be great? I would die to see that. Just like a full back tattoo, Celine Dion, where Jack and Rose are on the front of the Titanic. Do you ever think that Ben Affleck gets all the shower?

and catches a glimpse and is like, yeah, yeah, yes, definitely. For sure. I think 100% that happened. What does he have on his back of dragon? Takes up his whole back, post-divorce. He was already in movies. I didn't know that.

Ben Affleck has a full dragon on his back. Oh, dude. No, I didn't know that. People love to catch pictures of him, like Ray finds and red dragon. It's such a bad, it was such a bad idea. Did you guys remember this? It's on his Ben back flag.

It's like his entire back. Holy. Oh, it's like a bird of some kind. That's rough, dude. It's a Phoenix. Brutal. Oh, it's bad. That is so much trust you put in someone.

After a divorce to get that on your back. You were so drunk. Yeah. You were so fucking drunk. You'd have to be drunk for like six months to get that whole thing done. He was. He's from math. It was a rough divorce.

That was after J-Lo? That was after Jen. That was after Jen, the sweetheart. Yeah. That I feel he's wanted back this whole time, but who actually could speak on it. That tattooing ain't going to help. That's Jen from once upon a time for that. That might even hurt a little bit.

Yeah, ever since you left me, I'm different. I've gotten shirts where I felt that way, like if she just sees this shirt. Yeah, I know you, Lynn. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. When I was running a lot, I'll go ahead. No, you. I used to run by areas where I thought my ex would be driving her car and I would have my shirt off when I was running down the street.

I love to hear the insides of men's brain. Is it like that text that you showed me? Because that's crazy. No, I was in shape. This is when I was running the half marathon, but I would like run up and down the same street a couple times being like, she drives by. I know she drives by.

Did it ever happen? Never worked. No. I had people be like, I saw you running down the street. And they're like, looking good, pal. That kind of sucks, though. White mesh shorts I used to wear when I read. Wow.

High hat. What worth the cut? Why are you trying to get that dong out there? They were like thick nylon. I used to wear like four pairs of underwear. Like the sports dress. You're so crazy. Well, because it, I didn't know how to hold it.

When you're running a bunch. I've always, I bring this up every time. I just still don't get how men run with all those things down there. Well, it's easier now with like underwear is just tight now, but it wasn't back then. Like I was wearing boxers still. Boxer briefs. You wore four pairs of boxers? No, but I would like.

Four pairs of box? If you guys really want to know when I first started. Like a cool kid in junior high? I would tape my boxers. I would like tape real high around my leg just to make them like boxer briefs. Yeah. And then that got to be ridiculous.

So I bought briefs. So then you bought a functional pair. I bought briefs like tidy whiteys. And then I would put a couple pairs of boxers on over those. Then my white mesh shorts. Why would you put the boxers over the briefs? Just because I wanted more stuff there. You wanted more coverage, as I say, in the gal worlds.

Why didn't you go running in your karate ghee? It didn't fit that. Oh, okay. No, you know, early. I'd been out of the game for a while. Holland or whatever. That guy I have always loved since five weeks ago. Their close-ups the girls are doing on his hog on TikTok.

The zoom-ins are crazy. That 25-year-old. Oh, they're zooming in on his meat. Oh, my God. That man is running down fast break galloping with a freaking hammer on him. Whoa. Doors hammer. He got a...

Ealing got a hog on him. Ehrlich got a hawk. He looks like it. I bet it's shaped like his head. No, that thing was flying in the wind. You could go sailing off that thing. That's hilarious. He has that energy.

You know what's funny? We watch sports so different. I don't know who's got the huge hogs. Well, usually you can't see them. You see him every now, then. This thing was poking me in the eye through the screen. Yeah. Not that this is something I'm really into, but I'm just saying.

It's okay. I'm just saying. He bought that taxidermied raccoon, and when he did that, I knew he had a big hog. Really? Yeah. Wait, what? He bought a taxidermied raccoon and two squirrels. Why?

And brought him back to Norway with them. That's peculiar. One of them's holding like a gin bottle, the other one's holding like a beer bottle. Oh, he likes American. Because he'd never been to America before. Yeah, he was into like all the weird American shit. Yeah. That's weird.

Stocked up on it, went back to Norway. Now he's got that in his house. How do you even get that through customs? Whatever Norway's jet that they flew back on? He's got that and some rock and peace. Where does he live in Norway? Probably the best place in Norway. Wherever that is, Oslo?

Yeah, maybe Oslo? Yeah, that's what I've heard of. He probably lives in Manchester is where he lives. Yeah, I mean, he plays for city, so he lives in Manchester. He plays for city. He plays for city. I would love to watch him play football. American?

American football? Yeah. Oh, sorry. I'm not trying to do. do that. Because of the pants. Can you imagine if I called international soccer football, my blonde ass? Oh, yeah.

It would be really, really funny. That's the equivalent of people who come back from study abroad, say like, Abitha. Oh, we had a girl come back with an Irish accent after a month in Ireland, and she had it the whole year. Wait, that's so funny. The whole year. Yeah, Bronger did the Ibitha thing to us. And it's haunted me ever since. Oh, that'll be, yeah, that's a shower thought right there.

Yeah. Remember when Bronger. Had a list. Dropped the Spanish. Wow. Where are you? On this podcast. He like, what's the term?

Furled? I always mess it up. Furled his brow. Furrow. Furrow. He like, because I said Abiza and he goes, do you mean Abitha? And he's dead serious. Yeah.

Whoa. Yes. I mean Abiza. Matt, we're calling you out in this moment. Big call out, Matt Bronger. This is a teachable moment, Matt. It's a Matt Bronger call out for pronouncing the name of a city right. Abiza.

Yeah. For being. We're being correctly pronounced in the name of the city. We're calling you out too, Isaac, because it seems like something you'd do. For cold creaming. For cold cream. For cold cream and, Isaac, you know what we're calling you out for. This is a preemptive cold cream and call out.

In the red leather pussy destroyer. It's parked outside. Yeah, I saw it. I felt it before I saw it. Better get that thing detailed after this. Shit. Big fucking mountain of sports broth in the trunk. God.

God, you got a light time supply of the sports bras you couldn't get off in there. Isaac's got one of those, you know, those like, torsos that you see it like MNAHM? Oh, my God. But he just practices getting sports bras off of. So sorry, Isaac. That's a hilarious image. Have you seen that? There's a video of some guy like doing the world record for unhooking bras in a row.

Oh, sure. Have you seen that where he just walks? He's going like, like unhooking. That is not a skill you attain to actually. get women. No, that would piss me off. Even the thought of it pisses me up. I'm like, you fucking losers stop practicing,

just develop natural skill. I would like to see a Kingsman movie. They're going to come out. Yeah. If you're doing it right, you never fumble and then it's like it's not going to happen. No, honestly, you can just take a scoop out. You don't even got to be appropriate about it.

Yeah, do it like mashed potatoes. Totally. Sometimes I hate when my nails get stuck, you know, and all these things, and it's like, I don't even. These barriers. You know? We need fewer barriers. There's barriers fucking everywhere.

Isaac knows. Yeah. He sure does. Great barrier reef. We know what you think about the shower. That's one of them. That's one of the big ones. That's a huge one for Isaac.

It's a huge barrier. It's big. Isaac. Nasty. Bull. Boom. Boom. Oh.

Sean Jordan is here John Cooper, Mel and Jordan on Instagram September 17th Motor City Comedy Festival What are you doing now? Where are you on the lineup? Before you go any further, I need to know. I'm headlining.

Oh my God. I'm headlining. I'm going to do a long set. Headlining means I'm going last and I can't drink before I go up. You do an hour? I don't think so. I'm probably doing one of those festival headlining.

That's a half hour. Probably. 20 minutes of stand-up is like the sexiest you could ever. Oh, my God, it's so fun. You walk off, you're like, I'm a God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you might, is it just 20, 25 cool? And you're like, it's the coolest.

That'd be great. I'll try to. I got that earlier thinking about doing an hour. Anyway, yeah, come to that if you're in the Motor City. Sean's going to eat a cony. And again, Sean's opening at that festival. Headlining. Holy shit.

You don't want to go to the whole show, but I'll be less. That's the sort of thing of Shane Torres usually does. Also, you're going to pay for the whole seat, only going to need the edge. That's right. It's going to be on like Michelle Kwan at this thing. If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room. You've got to spend money to make money. You want to hit the ground run and keep a cape and simple.

Head on a swivel. Low center of gravity. Keep those feet moving. And dig, bro. Dig, Torres. September 26th, also Aladdin Theater, Portland, Oregon, Earth. We are going to be doing all fantasy everything 10-year anniversary. Oh, I thought you wanted us to do.

You left up the United States. I don't even, is it in the U.S.? Portland, Oregon, Earth? Late shows probably all sold out, bro. It's probably done by now. But if it's not... You probably can't car. Go ahead and scoop those ticks.

Grab those tickets. Scoop those tickies. If it's not, you know, the shows are different. You can go to both. Yeah, we'll be at both. All the shows are... You can always double dip in AFE. I'm going to both shows.

Yeah, they're different. Boom, bum, bum, bum, bum. Anyway. That's what I got coming up. That's a lot, Sean. Thanks. A lot of time for really nothing. Go see Sean.

David Boren is here. Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. Anything to promote? I'm promoting. I got to text to Al Flynn and tell him I can't work out a dude today. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry, Al. I should have told him yesterday. Sorry, Al. See your trainer? My mama told me. No, we just work out like once a week sometimes. We are. So no dates, but you can listen to him and Langston

on my mom and told him it's a great podcast. September 26th, come to Aladdin. I always want to say Rev Hall. That's our usual spot. I've done so many pivotal life shows at Rev. Yeah. Have you ever done the Atlanta? Yeah, sorry, have you ever done the Aladdin?

No. You ever been up in there? I think I saw, I think the first Bridgetown I did, they had risk there. Remember that show? That's right. Yeah. Remember risk? Yeah.

Because Sean Patton, I saw Sean Patton there and I was like, he's the funniest guy ever. You're right. And the day before he had bought me a beer, and then during his set, he goes, I just been buying comics. I don't know a beer. And it felt bad. Or more Shans in the world. Wait, you didn't like that. You thought that was a bad thing.

I thought he had taken a liking to me because I was a special moment. I got you. But I also, it was my very first Bridgetown. The first one is almost not fun. Yeah. I did only improv at the first one I did. If you're not from Portland and I wasn't in comedy like that, I'd be able to. comedy like, I think like nine months when I got in for the first time or something like that.

Yeah. Maybe over a year. But because everybody in San Francisco was mad too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy doesn't even do it on me. I experienced a similar thing in Portland. Jeez. What's the, uh, what's the Mar-huh?

I couldn't get into Bridge Town Comedy Festival. They said, fuck you, bitch. You never got in? Yeah. You never did it? No, but here we are today. It all shakes out, you know? Yeah, you're here with some of the pillars.

I'm with the pillars, baby. The Pillars, baby. The Pillardt. Isaac Cayley. Mm-hmm. That's right. Harper That's it

Harper Zach Harper's in the studio by the way It's over there Having a nice coffee chilling I'm just here keeping an eye on Isaac There it is We don't have a camera on this side It's a pity

It's a pity that they're facing us And not you Got a lot of bass over there That's what you guys got We both have bass A lot more than that Where Saki is here What's up boys

Where does this come out This one August 27 August 27 Oh you love to hear it. Nick is about to get married. Nick? Yeah, two days. Okay, I got some dates. I need to tell you about San Francisco, September 4, Cincinnati, September 11th, 12th at the Commonwealth Comedy Club, San Diego, September 16th.

And Raleigh, North Carolina, November 5th through 7th. Ooh, good night. Good night, baby. And then my podcast spaced out with Blair Socky, head on over, maybe, if you feel like it. Now, when you're in San Diego, that's the politest, like. What the fuck are you about to say? Is it like, are there like a lot of Blair Socky's hanging around? Because it's sort of... What kind of do you feel more powerful or less powerful?

I mean, I guess probably more powerful. More powerful. More powerful. Like when they show up, you know, there's a lot of clothes that look like me. A lot of like burritos, sandy feet type of shit. You know, so it does feel like a warm welcome. You're close to the seat of your power. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the truth. Yeah. Where are you on tacos v burritos? I have to say I am a through-and-through tacos guy. I like, I love burritos, of course. But I think there was a switch at some point with the almond nature of 90s Diet Orange County, where I thought to myself, I want to say burritos, but I got to go tacos because it's just protein.

Yeah. You know, but I used to, before practice in high school, eat a large carnisade of bean and cheese burrito with a chocolate milk. Oh, my God. I would have two big cheeseburgers from Jack in the box. Still had a 28-inch vertical, bitch. Is that right? Yeah, I'm tired than I've ever.

Yeah, because they get off the ground off of a one pound carnisada, bean and cheese burrito and chocolate milk, absolutely. Hold on. You had a 28-inch vertical? I did, baby. That means you jump and keep your legs straight, right? And your heels or your feet are 28 inches off. If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Now I can get off the ground this. You never had to do the thing where you hit the... No, you never had to jump and keep our legs straight. We had to get tested like every couple months. Yeah. Vertical's not keeping your legs straight. It's how high you can get off the ground. They timed our...

They said... They talked your brother timed it? Sean, this is not the presidential fitness test in fourth grade, Sean. Why was it? It was some guy in the back of my school. So you mean your vertical was a 2.2? Well, let me try to explain it. That was a kidnapping.

We jumped and you locked your... your knees and however long you were in the air that's what they said our vertical was you've never heard of that never in my life vertical is an actual unit of height measurement but that's like hang time how long you're in the air

okay you've never heard though like jump and keep your knees lock I've never heard keep your knees lock have either one of you that sounds like a good way to basketball you should never keep your knees lock never that's so dangerous I mean we're jumping like this high it's not like we were coming down with tons of impact no no no no That's bad for your skeleton.

I know it is. I was doing what the coach told me. This is all so many. This is great. This is wild. Yeah. So. So anyway,

the vertical means what? You could jump 28 inches higher than... So you never had to do the thing? It was like... I don't think the above the rim thing where we just try to tap the backboard? No. There were like a bunch of different little like...

No, I know we're talking about that. I never did that. I never did that. I've always wanted to. Never did it. Let's do it now. Yeah, we can do it now. Where's the closest one of those?

We probably rent one. To hear, probably at school. Isaac, get on TaskRabbit. See if somebody will come out and test our verts on task rabbits. I don't want to be tested now. All my glory is in the past. Yeah, I don't even think I can like. I never have it.

I bet you would still have the highest vertical. Yeah. I think you probably do. Of us four. I guarantee. I don't think so, boys. I don't know the last time I jumped. The mighty has fallen.

I don't know the last time I jumped not in jest. Yeah. I thought about this. I've written this. working on a book and it's in there. Is it about jumping? But there's a white man can jump.

You know what it's actually White Man Can Jump and it's a rebuttal. White Man Can Jump colonel if I did it. If I did it. If I did it. If I did it. You're marking up the wrong tree the whole time.

Am I if I did it? It still takes place in 94. It's one of nine. Nobody was checking there A lot of it's like me getting to Southern California Yeah, that's the real What a trip that would have been Riding the rails

Yeah Southern California in the 90s Really excited me I have I only went twice A hold on me Yeah I think via the music of sublime

Genuinely And that red sunny D Yeah the red sunny D What was that like sunset D? I used to drink the shit out of Sunny D I know you did My brother loved it I feel like you were sponsored.

I was sponsored by purple stuff. Yeah. Couldn't get the Sunny D. Got purple stuff. Ooh, I love that. That was me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you move past purple stuff too fat. By the way, like, in pushing Sunny D, the Sunny Delight clientele, to my understanding, would also be very

interested in purple stuff. It was just purple sunny D as far as I'm concerned. They did have purple sunny D. Yeah, they did. What were they implying in that? Grape juice, purple Gatorade, prune juice? I think it was prune juice.

It must have been prune juice. All I know is the way my house was set up, we never had juices that weren't getting drank. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. There was no sitting juice. There was no like, oh, we don't drink fat juice. We didn't have enough drinks for it.

When was the last time you made Kool-Aid and like from a packet? You remember that? Yeah, I used to love that shit. I make Kool-Aid every morning and pour it out. Wait, I feel like if you're like those alcoholics. I used to be out of control. I feel like if you drink Sunny Dia as a kid, like the pipeline to adult nerd cluster consumer is, you know, direct one.

That is so good. It's a super highway. Directly so good. You know what I just had recently that really let me down like a week and a half ago? Ice cold Capri Sun. Oh, it let you down? I heard they don't even have the same pouches anymore. They're non-pouch?

The pouch was the same, but just the flavor. Had you just competed in a Little League baseball game? No, no. That's the missing piece. I was at a 50th birthday party. And I had Capriza. Maybe there was no sliding into home to. That might have been it.

I was really, it really made me sad. I was like, oh, what a fun throwback. Because I drank a lot of juices. I also drank like four poppies. I was going nuts, Yeah. Sanhydrated, a lot of heat. Yeah, I had like seven, eight waters.

I don't know why I'm giving you my snacks. No, that's impressive. No, Peek and I, we stopped, we were on our way to spots, and we stopped at a gas station so she could get camel blues or something. And I found Big League Chew there, and I lost my mind. I was doing donuts around the, because I didn't see Big League Chew in IRL. And, I mean, three decades, maybe. I love a big league chew.

Did you just eat it all? I always just swallow it all when I eat big wig chute. I haven't honestly had it since I was like eight. It's really good. But I used to throw the whole pack in there, huh? That's how I got these cheeks. Did you ever tuck it in your lip? Oh yeah.

No, that's like, well. I look like sort of the child. I look like that guy, he's now a Scientologist, the redhead freckled one from... Sheelvani Rabisi? No, I love him. Two podcasts in a row. He came up. How could you not?

I saw him walking once. No, the guy, the redhead guy from Sandlot with the big. cheeks. That's what I look like. Oh, that guy. He's still around. I see him in Los a field of his old kid in sports movies. Yeah, but his cheek, that's what my cheeks would go around when I had Big League Chew. Did you say the green was the one you referenced him from? No. Not Chunk. No, Samlo. I still love the shit

of Sam La. Everybody, it's a, it's, that's all. That dog still haunts me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. James Earl Jones. Well, the dog was a nice dog. Yeah, well, in the end, yeah. Todd Feele, the guy directed Tar was the inspiration for Big League Cheap. He was a bat boy for the Portland Mavericks baseball team. And it was like his idea for shredded gum. That's crazy to me because tar is the exact opposite of Big League 2.

Yeah. Yeah. That's humanity right now. I like both of those things. No less impact on the culture though. No, equal impact. Yeah. I would say.

You yawning? I like the end of tar. Are you yawning? It's early. I am yawning. Is this tar discussion? Are we boring you, Isaac? I love tar.

Did you know this Big League Tuesday? He hasn't had sex for an hour. What's it supposed to be doing? That guy's bored out of his mind. He's just thinking about the destroyer sitting out there unoccupied. He's waiting until he can reconfeeing with those red leather seats. I just feel like I'm tossing out fun facts like the guy who directed Tarr co-created Big League Chew Gumb. That is a crazy career.

That's a crazy fact. The true sign of a gentleman is a man who no longer recognizes his former soul. That's 100% right. Isaac, uninterested, not getting out of bed for any less than 20 pussies. How many pussies are going to be there? 20. That's how Isaac dumped on the phone. No, I just remembered I got class tonight.

I can't make it. I got saxophone class. I'm not going to be able to make it. Saxophone. Saxophone class. You have me learning the saxophone in this situation. What if you did? You have me learning the saxophone.

What if you did? After that, he's going to the sports bra factory. What if you fucking rolled up to karaoke? It ain't happening. Started singing and then like and then rolled a saxophone out from behind your back and just fucking wailed. What's a song that has a saxophone so. Careless whisper. Wow, that's exactly where I was going.

Yeah. And I would sing. But also Baker Street. I mean the Lost Boys song, I still believe that Tim the sexy guy on the beach, you know, wagling his hips around. We knew you were going to bring up the lost boys. We knew you were going to bring up the lost boys up. You know, Kelly Jordan loves. Tim Capello, the long-haired wet boy.

Put it in the fucking Sean Jordan Hall of Fame. He is still out there touring. Tombstone and punk rock sausage face. It's a kid nickname Funk Rock Sausage Face. I like that one. Doesn't that sound rough, though? No, it sounds like red leather pussy destroyer. That sounds great.

Spaceman Rocket Face, what'd you say? Pongrox sausage face. Spacoff sausage face. SpaceBran Rocket Face. God damn it. Ellen John. My shoes are from space. I love them. They do look like they're from space.

Those are good shoes. Those are good shoes. I have nothing to promote. My name's Ian Carmel. Come to our show. September 26th at the Aladdin Theater. There's a little surprise for you. We're going to kill one audience member.

Lock the doors. Now you can't leave. Lock the gates. Lock the gates. Mark Maren's going to be there sitting silently on stage. Do you think where that movie came out? Anybody was like, oh, that's Mark Maren. Which movie?

I don't think so. I'm probably like Steve and Lydia Marin. It was almost famous. Almost famous. Yeah. He's the lock the gates on these fuckheads guy. Oh, that's why that's from his. That's why it says a WTF in the beginning.

Oh my God. I got a rewatch. Good movie. Do you think he knew that was quotable? Like after he did that, he was like, I'm going to, that's coming back. That's there it is. Maybe, I don't know, maybe. I would, I don't know.

I remembered it before WTO. I mean, I remembered it in the movie. Yeah, I didn't remember it in the movies. Do you know when something's quotable before it becomes quotable? Sometimes I've said, you've never said some shit where you're like, every joke I've ever written. But did you know? All of Girl Dad, bro.

When you wrote Big Wave Dave, you had to know. So, he's a real guy. That was, I mean, I guess he never said the stuff I wrote, but that was a real guy. That, yeah, there's a quotable part in there, I think. Of what? I don't know. A big wave. Let's see how quotable is.

I couldn't quote Big Way, Dave. I love you, but I couldn't. When you wrote down Shlomo Pudding, too. That I knew. That I knew. But I was just there when God passed that to the paper. I mean, that's all. What a nice thing she did for you.

What a nice thing she did for you. Good job, Sean. Thank you. I like that. Thank you. Isaac, I noticed you're rubbing your eyes and not clap. Thank you. But there's isn't quotable or memorable.

Like your joke, it looks like you found a shirt. That's very memorable. Thank you. It's not quotable. No, yeah, quotables. Yeah. There's very little quotable stand-up, right? I think so, because it's a whole thing.

You've got to, like, set it up. You can't just quote the punchline because then it won't be funny. Mitch Hedberg's quotable. Yeah. Lunchables, that's a different story entirely. Forget quotable. Red means where the fuck do you get that banana. I don't even fuck with lunchables really like that anymore.

Did you ever? I'll still get one every now and again. Wait, what? I'll still get one every now and again. You will go get a lunchable? Uh-huh. Just like when nobody's around? There's people around.

I just don't know. You can afford all the different stuff individual? I'll get a lunchable sometimes. It's cheaper. Three bucks to you get a lunchable. Yeah, but then it's not cute, like little fairy food. Yeah. I eat it in the car like a gargoyle.

Yeah. Eating in the car makes me feel bad about myself. I was so hungry yesterday. I had to stop after I was going so hard for like bouncing to every different thing. And I just Googled fast food and the closest one was Burger King. And I was like, what am I going to do here? There's so many different ways I can go. You know what I mean?

Well, you got into a classic wop. Well, I was going to happy hour with the ladies. And so I ended, I just landed on a chicken sandwich and it was really fucking good. Yeah, they have great chicken sandwiches. After I slammed it, though, in like three bites, heading down, like the 134 back from Pasadena. Yeah. I realized that I just ate so much iceberg lettuce and, you know, we are having the diarrhea. Are we still in that?

Are we still in that? I don't know, but I never stopped eating salad the entire time. Or Taco Bell. I wanted to talk about multiple, multiple times, even at the height of it. I said, try me, bitch. I kept going, yeah. Yeah. I was like, I'll take that for a week.

Yeah. Can I throw out a confession real quick? I was going to get diarrhea this week. Yeah. Yeah, it was probably going to happen. I'll confess something real quick. I got a lot of Taco Bell the other night. Yeah.

Went over to, when I'm in town, I stayed at Andy Wood's house. Thank you, Andy Wood for doing that. Thank you, Andy Wood for putting me in Bridgetown. And so I got a bunch of Taco Bell. I did not eat all of it. And we went to Andy's house so I could pack up my stuff the other day. and I was acting like I was throwing everything away and I snuck away one of those double-deckers

from the night before and I ate it by the dumpster outside because I didn't want you to know I was eating day old Taco Bell. Really? Wait, why didn't you want your friend to know? Had it been refrigerated? Nope. You just felt shaved.

I was on the counter all night. It was wrapped. Don't do it. I ate it by the dumpster and I was like, don't tell him. I got to be honest. I thought you were out there a while. I was. I was eating a double-decker.

I didn't know what you were doing, so. Eat a double-decker. And then I threw the rest. If I were there, I would have been your friend and say, come on, buddy. Come on, buddy. Come out into the light. I think he would have been, too, but I just didn't want to. That's a taco left out wrapped is no big deal. I know.

It's, it is a big deal. It felt like a big deal. It sucks. Compared to, it's not like pizza or wings. Well, Taco Bell. If Taco Bell doesn't get better, pizza gets better than a day. Yeah, Taco Bell just not very well the next day. No, it doesn't.

That doesn't stop me. We've all done it. I'm just saying. We didn't all do it two days ago. No. It was interesting. That's really funny, though. I had forgotten about it.

It's what a funny. I blacked it out right after I walked back in. It was like, it didn't happen. No face, no case. You leave Portland Airport. The second. I don't want to say the second you get past security in Portland Airport. You just like start to think that different rules.

You do live different all the world. You have international waters the second you. The second. The second. leave Portland. You really do. I haven't had Taco Bell in Portland and I don't know how long. No. No, you're a responsible father.

Oh, I had a Portland thing that my Uber driver told me to get. Look, Laugh. Oh, yeah, look lax. It was so good. I'm a bon-me freak. Look, lack at it. Buy one. It was by one getting free.

I'll have that shit for breakfast in my hotel room. It's fucking great. It's one of the few super late night spots in Portland, too. You know where else there is good B&BBBBBB. SFO. Oh. I'll buy that. San Francisco International Airport has some pretty incredible bumme.

Oh, I guess I'll have to go there on September 4th. You can see Sean Jordan freebase and cocaine. Yeah. This isn't my destination airport. Throwing a boomerang and a cop free basing cocaine while he'll even Cana Express he bought in 1987. I love Pan-Express. Get up in the rafters like Eddie better? We're here to draft.

I had panda at the movies the other day. What did you get on chicken? No, I have to fucking... I'm boycotting Panda Express until the Blazers thing gets worked out. Because the Churring family was one of the families that got involved in buying the Blazers and now we're in a precarious situation.

It's not owned by the Pandas? They might... It's not owned by Pandas. They want you to think that it's a collective owned by Pandas like how Costco is owned by the employees. That's not what's happening. It's owned by the Churning family. What the fuck?

The Blazers might move. They're not going to move. They're not going to move. But where would they move if they moved? We don't have time to get into it. And hopefully by the time this drops, the entire thing's resolved. And it's looking more and more like they're not going to. They're not going to.

But we're being held over a barrel right now. And you're not going to forgive even after it's worked out. Oh, I'll forgive the second it's worked out. Oh, okay. The second. I might go celebrate. I'm going to celebrate. I'm a little Italian, but I'm not Italian.

Would you not? Pandexpress. is like a different echelon of. How long would you hold that grudge for? Life? If they try to take my team? Yeah. Absolutely.

But they're not the main ones. You would not eat panda forever if they took the Rams? No, but in my spirit I would. Yeah. What's the team? Yeah. No, I don't care. Yeah, none of the teams here are loyal anyway.

No, but I was like this girl my whole life, you know, but then a lot of things went wrong like LeBron and yada yada. He's gone now. He's out of here. He's out of here. He's still got brawny. Yeah, which is a shhap. Shock. Now you have the whitest team in the NBA.

I know. Look, I don't keep up on them, so. They're very white. I don't have cable. Where do they call them? What's the funny Lakers think of name? I forgot. It was really funny, though. Yeah, all those memes were really good.

Snow time. Snow time. Yeah, snow time. So good. That was a great day on life. It was really good. Anyway, we're drafting things you think about in the shower. Now, the way we're going to determine the order of this draft is a wrong thing of rock paper says.

play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. I wasn't ready, but it's fine. I can go last. Blair wins. No, no, no. No, I can't win.

I was, I didn't. Well, you had your hand out like this one calling it paper, which makes it cats. Okay. Here we go again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. She declines to run. What's happening? It's just like, I'm not, my brain's not working fast enough.

So you guys just decide I'll go last. We have to throw it again. No, I go last. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. A scissors against two paper. It was really like a scissors against one paper. Can I get something out of their friend?

Yeah, and I did it. She just leaves. No? Just breaking out Isaac's windows. Alec Flynn says you guys are all total weapons. I don't really know. I think that's a compliment coming from him. Oh, wait, hold on.

I'm not doing the weapon shake. The other arm. What? Cross your body. Oh, whoa, bro. Weapons, dude. We sent him a photo of us being weapons. Weapons.

Everybody like listening to this? So it's a serpentine draft. Uh-huh. What does that mean? It's a great question. What does that mean? A serpentine draft. It's like the needle on a lie detector test.

All right. Oh, sorry. I do credit where credit is due. Shout out to Scary Melgoza on Instagram. All right. Thanks for that. Now, with that mind, what would the order of today's draft be? David.

Let's just do a wrap in the couch. So me, Blair, Ian, Sean. You know? A corner. around the couch thing has really killed my Hot Corner. It's really been fucking you up. The point where I might... Hot Corner was sort of good for you

during pandemic. For it was years, I was the Hot Corner. It'd be nuts if you started sitting over. Is that what you were going to say? I might do it. That's not a bad call. I might take... That would be... I might start sitting all over the place. I might start sitting behind the couch. Popping up from my pics. You should come out from

under one time. That would be crazy. And then I just pop up. Like, neighbor. in a sitcom style. Blair, your second. David Blair, Ian Sean, it's the order. We're drafting things you think about in the shower. And we're going to get to David's first pick right after this.

Short break. This episode of All Fantasy, Everything is brought to you by Babel. Now, we just got done with the World Cup. This is a perfect example about how it would be nice to be able to communicate with everyone who speaks a different language than your own, you know? And I know realistically, we can't learn every language out there. But you can start, you can start learning one. and then you're going to get addicted. All right. Trust me, you're going to get addicted. You're going to

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That's code All Fantasy 50 off at Factor Meals.com. All Fantasy 50 off at Factory Meals.com. See website for more details. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. We're about to draft. Bow Wow. Things do you think of the shower. Bow wow, baby. Bow, goddamn wow.

The big dogs here. Wow, wow, yb-a, you be a, y'i-a-bi-i-i-i-i-i. Bow-frigin-wow. David's about to, David's about to make his first pick. Boom. Dog house. You guys ever get hot dogs there? Oh, the dog house?

No. I haven't. Is that no way? Yeah, oh, yeah. Wow, I love a hot dog. I'm gonna go to Costco and get one. Ooh. 150.

So good. I just went to Costco and Van Nyes. Oh, you're crazy, dog. Filming a porn out there. You were the TV? It was a weird move. You were a brazers? I decided to take a side quest and become a stuntman.

You know what was weird? We just drove around Encino a little bit. Oh, there's huge houses there. Yeah. Huge. Oh, yeah. A caveman a while back. And my accountant.

Caveman, big houses. My accountant, Costco. Wow. We've been trying to think about, like, if we were going to go to the suburbs, which suburbs? Stephen Dorf might live out there by now. If I had a guess, yeah. Probably got a big plot out there Yeah

Steven Dorff Oh he bought He bought when he was at his peak I think Closet full of vapes Is that from True Blood? I don't know where I know him from the crying video

And just like the Viper room lore Crying when I met you Oh that's a That's good song Great song He's the song he's talking about Okay Dying

Dubeau It's 53 What's her pick Oh oh Fake Conversations Yeah Okay, yeah. With people I know.

But like audibles sometimes. Do you ever do that? No. All the time. All the time. I do. All the time. I'm actually saying it out loud.

Really? Yeah. All the time. But all the time? Come back that's like way better than the one that you have. Yeah, yeah. Well, what I wrote was conversations from yesterday. Yeah.

So it's like or like, I don't know. It's hard to explain, but something about getting in the shower and washing your body. it like opens me up to where I just like I'm actually talking to people it's not it's it's really strange I think one thing I've learned from this podcast is I think my brain operates differently than a lot of other people's brains Oh you think you're built different I do think I'm built different

Are you seeing you're him? I think I'm him I don't know if I'm him but I'm Blair's her for sure players her you might be him are you him Are you one of them Blair's got the mama mentality you could be one of them I'm one of them. One of them. I just think like, I don't think in conversations. Like, we talked about how, like, I don't have an internal monologue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't really either, though. I don't have an internal monologue. But I don't, I don't have an external one in the shower either. So I don't, like, have. Okay. Well, now I feel like an asshole. I'll run through fake conversations with people, but, like, I won't verbalize them.

I do. I, man, when I was a kid, it was big about, too. I would have, like, so weird. it be like shower interviews where I'd be like explaining myself. Okay, yeah. I like that. Just like weird conversations. Like sometimes I'll be in the shower and I'll be like, like I was doing this the other day,

I was like explaining why I moved to L.A. Like you were being interviewed? David, I do the same thing. That's because you're processing, you're processing it for yourself. And I think it's kind of been, it's been weird on us lately. And I don't know. I thought you loved it. I do, but it's like...

A huge change. And it's just like, we had a really good setup in Denver, and then it's like things are a lot shakier here. Our house was huge in Denver. You know what I mean? It was just like different, so it was... Yeah. But it's like, yeah, so it's like conversations.

Right. I don't mean. Just vocalizing, getting it out loud, that helps me work through stuff. I'm with you. That's great. Yeah. I think that's good. Yeah.

I'm not saying I'm better. No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say that. You don't say that on the microphone. Can't wait to hear what Ian thinks about in the shower. Nothing that good. Nothing that good.

He's like tits. Yeah. Left boob, right boob. First pick, left boob. That's why he wanted the hot corner. So you could get both boobs. I don't want Sean to take right boob. Rest assured if you pick left boob, I'll let you have right.

I won't. That's a friend. That's a good friend. Yeah, fake conversation. And you like, well, say them out loud and then wait, do you wait for the other person to like say their piece? No. Not really. It's very selfish.

It's like doing stand up. Yeah. Where it's like this is a conversation I engineered to win. Yeah. Which is really all stand up is. It's so weird. You know what it? That is true.

That is true. It really takes the wind out of it when you break it down like that. but that's what it is. You just fucking wear her up. She's going to have to have another Celsius now. That pierced. It's so deep. It really did.

That reached a location in me that I did not know. Who way. Who? Who does it need to go to the gym after this? Oh, my God. Fake conference. Blair, time for your first pet. Tits, just kidding.

I love these fun bags, huh? Take a look. Whoa! Look at those down there. No. It's good you're not a guy. It's a good thing. My first pick is

a thought for a shot. Thoughts in the shower, things you think about, the showers. I should shave these toes. I can see that Frodo foot muff from here. All I have to do is bend down and take a swipe and I'd be a hot baby seal again. But couldn't do it. Evil troll hag I stay.

Do you have toe hair? Right all that time? She must. I am. No, it's clear. It's clear, though, you know? You're blonde. I am blonde.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I still see it, you know, and I know it's there. And should I would be intimate with a man. which is not going to be. He's not going to notice. Never have I. No, no. I know.

See, I know these things. But you'll know. Logically doesn't matter. Men would fuck a door. But I, but I see. A hair. Not a hairy door. There's hair at the bottom?

No thing. Yeah, there's hair on my feet. And if I don't look closely enough, you know. So, but a lot of times I just cannot bring myself to lower myself down to do one swipe on the house. Yeah. I hate being bent over. So I stay up. And I just look at the Frodo Tos.

I remember when I got my first toe hair. Really? Yeah. Third grade. It probably wasn't too far off. It wasn't yours though. It wasn't yours though. It's dark hair.

Just thick. And I'm like, will you hear there? Body hair. On a toe knuckle? I'm like, where the fuck? Body hair freaks you out. What fucking evolutionary service does this provide? I didn't get chest hair until after high school.

Is that right? Yeah. My mustache and my beard didn't connect. That's a lot of guys, I think. Yeah. In my session beard, actually. Yeah, I didn't have any facial. I have this one hair on my arm that is twice as old as I am.

I don't know how, but there's a hair on my arm that is 67 years old. And, like, it's been there forever. I have a few catty-wampus body of ears, too. There's nothing you can do to kill it. Yeah. Yeah. I am starting to catch. Like a California redwood.

Like an inch-long eyebrow. I'll see one and I go to Laura. I'm like, you have to pick. You got to tell me. I just shaped my first ear hairs. Yeah. How do you shave my ear? How long it's got some thing.

It's like a circle you put in. Oh, same thing for your nose. I haven't got the ear here yet. I get it. It was like long enough that I could like pull it. Whoa. Do you get up your nose? Do you shave your nose hairs?

No, I don't really have it. I do. It's really hard. Sucks. I cry every time. Yeah. More in my lost nose hair. And I got and I got boogies there all the time, you know?

Getting rid of the nose hair helps the boogies come out though, which is great. Yeah, but it's like, I don't know the boogies say. You want the boogies. I don't like the boogie's up there. I blame it on the boogie. I get more boogies when I have a mustache. If I have a close-up clip enough, like probably Isaac would probably do that to me. There are always boogie's present, you know?

Like I'll see it in clip sometimes. I also always have lipstick on my teeth. It's impossible. Isaac doesn't like you. I love picking boogers, though. Yeah, that's what you got these. Yeah, I get it. That's a perfect one.

These little picks. Hey, did you pay my booger pickers red? Yeah, these little boogie pickies. Sometimes I'm just up there. playing Hey There Delilah. Absolutely. That song sucks. No, I like it.

What do you mean by that? That's the first time we've ever disagreed on a song. Hey there Delilah, like you're picking. They're going on a guitar for it. Say hello. Hey, what's up up there? What's it like in New York City? That one's way up there.

Might as well be in New York City. New York City? Remember those salsa commercials? That's what I thought South Dakota was like. I think about them so much. I think about those commercials so much. Could be, it could genuinely be a pick. The Pace Piccocon.

My favorite fact about that is they stopped them after 9-11. Wow. That's because of the New York's New York City. They stopped doing the... They were like, before that, the idea that salsa would come from New York City, unfathomable. But after the events of 9-11, the Twin Towers and whatnot, we decided to come together as a country and say, you know what? I would eat salsa from New York City. You know what?

As a son of the Golden West, though, I don't want salsa from me. Fuck, no, because you know. The Mexican food there is nothing to write home about. Absolutely not. They don't know how to do it. So many other charms. No, I'd make some treks sometimes. Try to find some good Mexican food.

It was, you know. In New York, I don't think I've ever had Mexican food in New York. Yeah, because it's not right. You've got to talk about it. It's always pizza, bro. Pizza. Try a calzone. I eat cab rides for this.

Cheesecake. I love a slice from Joe. in New York. Oh, yeah. Me and Sean went to juniors. Twice. Where's juniors? In Brooklyn.

Oh. I want what you got on one. Must be after my time, I think. Are you upset that I'm eating nuts into the microphone? It's a little bit upsetting, but it's okay. I'm all right. He's too busy zooming in on the buggies. Just blaming on a mud time.

Who's next? Time for my first pick. I want to know so badly what you think of in the shower since you don't have a monologue going. I don't. I do. I think. You have thoughts?

I have thoughts. Okay. I think in like feelings more than words. You never had a thought. Your heart, maybe that's like synesthesia. Maybe it is. Maybe it's something like that. What color does Blair's hat make you feel?

Hmm. Third grade. Everybody Jansacock has anesthesia. Matea Laine has it. I'll buy that from having met Jancacog. Oh, you have met J. Cox. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. He's J.

Cacocke. Jancac. That's his real name? Yeah. I don't know why I'm saying it's government on this. I'm going to go with like the realist answer. Yeah, sure. With my first one.

And then I'm going to get a little more esoteric as we go on. But my realist answer is the video game I'm playing at that moment. Oh, that makes sense. Are you still playing video games? I'll play them every now and that. I played FIFA a lot during the World Cup. That's cool. Because I would get home from the show at like 10.30.

But I was still buzzing from the show so I couldn't go to sleep. so I play FIFA for like an hour. Want to play along. Yeah, I'd play along. Yeah. With Erlings Hog. I would play the Erling Holland Hog bounce along. Hell yeah. That's the type of game I'm trying to play. But I just think about like, especially I play sports games.

I play the franchise mode of sports games where you're like running the team and I think about my team. Yeah. That's not bad. I will be in there and I'll be like, you know, I got a, my powerful word is getting older. I'm going to have to see if I can sign a new power forward. Do you ever roll your eyes? Like, oh, God. Not like that.

No. This whole team. I guess that means you have singular focus. Maybe. Like, you're the opposite of ADHD where you're like so locked in on one thing the entire shower. Hyper-focused. And I'll do it before I go to bed too. I will like do that and I'll go to bed and then I'll just think about my team.

That's awesome. And until I fall asleep. And it's very comforting for me. I do the same thing. Yeah. It's very comforting to hear that somebody else also does this. Yeah. Yeah, right, pussy boy.

That's different. That is different. That's not a compliment. No one's ever heard that and been like, that guy must get laid a lot. Oh, this is my friend Pussy Boy. From the outsiders. P.B for short. Holy cow, that was tight.

Coda Pop, Pussy Boy. I've thought on multiple occasions about like my FIFA. manager career team. Me too. About like, oh, I have to fill in, my left back is not doing so well. Yeah. I got to get a different profiles. That's my academy.

Like all that stuff. You guys never did like superstar mode. What's that? I would do that on Madden for sure. What superstar mode? Remember where it's like you're just the one. No, that didn't appeal to me as much. I did it.

I didn't, I didn't like it as much. I did it on the new NCAA a bunch of times. Where you have one, you're one player. Yeah. I'm like a half bad or something. You're him. You're him. And you focus on your career.

Is that what you do? Yeah, yeah. Interesting. That'd be fun. And then the NCAA would give you all these things where they'd be like, do you want to go out to a party tonight or staying in studying? I remember that, yeah. You'll get street credit if you go to the party.

With your teammates. But then that makes you play worse. Yeah, you'll look worse. Well, you'll fuck up. You've got to focus on studying sometimes. I would, if I found out a girl was like partying before a game, I would like scream in her face the next day. I bet you would.

Yeah. I bet you traumatize some people. I did. Like, I'm a completely different person. No, this was high school. Okay. But I was still a big part here in high school, but just like not ever jeopardizing sports. Yeah. We felt the same way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're saying the girl was in high school. This was last week, right? You just went. There was that time at the end of the season where you were like, I don't really see a playoff run. No, we wouldn't. Yeah, no. I was out. I was like, we'll party after the game.

I was never in that scenario. We always, we always went. We always went to the playoffs every year, but it would be like, you'd be like, I don't know. Yeah. I would have screaming your face. It's October. We never went to the playoffs. I never, never went to the playoffs. I never didn't go to the playoffs.

We went to the playoffs every year, but we first round every single year. 11 guys on a football team. There's only so much carms could do. I think you did a lot. There's 10 other guys, man. 10 other guys. I was real nice to everybody. Yeah, I believe that.

And that's so important. Yeah. Well, it's not. Over there on the sidelines, telling everyone they did a good time. But the video game I'm playing. No, you need that. I would hold their butt. I didn't just pat it.

I'd hold it. If you're out there and you're one of the people who thinks about your NBA 2K dynasty or your MLB the show team or your FIFA managerial career as you're falling asleep, know that you're not alone. I'm here. Isaac's here. Hit us up at the comments and let us know if you're doing that too. I see you. It's not a weird thing to do. Not weird.

To think about 22 fictional. Virtual. virtual athletes. Wait, is this PlayStation? Like, what's the thing people play these days? Yeah, Xbox PlayStation. Yeah, Xbox PlayStation. Xbox, that was like from my era.

They're still rocking it. Really? There's a new Xbox. I got something to say. It's still your era. That's right. Thank you. I really appreciate that.

Master Sean, time for your first two picks. It's not Blairs, but similar. It's, am I for real going to wash my feet today? Right. Is this going to be a? I actually wash my feet day. Instead of letting the water run down. Once a month.

Yeah, instead of just, because I'll go down to about my knees. And then I, this is why black people think we're disgusting. This is a huge online debate. You're so gross. You wash your feet every time? Well, they wash themselves.

I mean, I get down there once a month. They don't. You mean, the water doesn't do. I get down there once a month. Yeah, but I get in my toes and like, oh, I do that. Awesome about once in a month. Oh, God.

And then running around the heel. Where black people are always saying that white people, don't wash enough. And it's true, like, I only wash my holes. I'm not, like, out there. I'm not scraping my appendages, you know. I can't once over. I don't.

About once a month, I'll get my actual hands on them. Holes only is a wild way to live. I also... I count my armpits as holes. Those are holes. Yeah. Now we're getting into how they're... You don't have to do lower...

I don't know. I don't often scrub a dub-dub my, like, calves. Really? Yeah. I scrub everything about down to my knees And that's because about my natural weight I guess I will soap them up Actually now that I think about it

You just put your leg up on the thing No I don't like doing that Well no I get it I get it I'm the big year I'm the one that doesn't like doing it But I just about once a month

I'll get down there And I'll like in between all my toes And like get under my toenails and everything But other than that it's just kind of down to my knees And then the water runs down Get under your toenails Yeah I'll give them one of those Sometimes I don't scrub the bottom on my feet.

That's about as... I don't know if I ever scrub the bottom. That's about as daring and nasty as you bet. It's about as gross as I get. I think that your legs are getting washed by the water and the soap running down them. Yeah. And that's true. I think that's a true thing.

Sometimes I sit down in the shower. The scrub is like to remove the dead skin, right? I don't have dead skin. That's why we're not exfoliated. My skin doesn't die. My skin multiplies. I don't know if you heard earlier. I am built different.

I don't have an internal monologue. My skin doesn't die. That's a dating profile. That's hilarious. Thank God you're already married. You'd be drowning in it. Absolutely. That's his right.

Isaac would have someone to hit the clubs with for a change. Might take a hit in Isaac's inventory. Sorry, Zeke. My inventory. Isaac's roster might shrink a little bit. Sean, your second pick. You know what I think about is how dope it looks for all my body hair to be going the same way.

Whoa. All my chest hair and everything, like flowing down. How dope it looks? Yeah, that's really cool. It looks very cool. That's a man who doesn't have curly hair. Yeah, it's all, it's very straight. Oh, it's a very straight.

Yeah, that's interesting. Because it's never organized, so it's just all going the same way. And I can make my stomach look the way I want to do. It looks like a wet dog. It looks like a seal to me. It's like your body's a highway. Like a navy seal. Yeah, like my body's a highway and all the water's going out of my dirty feet,

my dirty little piggyes. Really threw you there. No. Yeah, I just think it looks tight to look down and have all my body hair going the same way. All right. That's funny. Yeah, I like that. It's interesting that you took two picks that are actually about the shower.

You think about showering while you're in the shower. Well, he's present. I'm locked in, dude. He's a real person. He's present. He's a body in his life. Like me. That's one of the things kids are saying.

Non-persona grata. Non-player character. I thought you're talking about like the beat machine. Isn't that an MPC? an M, you see, I said N. I got a shave. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how to get it working.

All right, I'm going to go into my, it is cool. It's cool and it looks like that. When my body hair, because I have curly body hair, like chest hair, when it straightens out, I think it looks insane. I hate it. Yeah. Before I started shaving my legs when I was a kid, I had like the craziest curly leg hair that was clear. But it looked like, but it looked like a fucking fur line. so humiliating until my mom let me shave.

What age? How long were you rocking the leg hair for? I think like till like, I don't think I was allowed to shave to like sixth grade or something. My brother still has it where he looks like he has like super blonde fur all over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's it I would look like if I was your first vaith. Venus was it or a shave or was it a Venus? I think so.

I like bed for it. I remember those commercials. I was like ripping those off for my stealing razors trying to. I'm your Venus. Oh, yeah. I'm your fire. I was like, shit, my legs don't look like that. The Venus girls?

Yeah. Oh, they were like so smooth. So smooth. Well, they were like fake shaving already shaved legs. Yeah. And maybe they never had body hair. I needed a fucking hacksaw to get through mine. Come on.

I'm right there with you. Shout to skintemets. Machete. I don't shave anything. I have to, you don't? Jealous. I have to change my face razor like every two shades. I don't shave my face at all.

No, you don't. You don't? Never. I get really. Razor burn really, really. I get razor burn really, really bad. The most I'll do is I'll trim up the neck, but like shaving cream in a razor, I haven't probably done that since Obama was in office, at least.

Yeah, when you trim your neck, you don't do it with the razor. You do with it. Here's the thing I thought about in the shower the other day before we announced this topic, but it occurred to me and I'm going to take her right now. Why are hippos considered cute when in reality, They're like killing machines. They look delicious, though. It's because they look delicious?

It's rounded edges. They're rounded edges. They do look delicious. They do look delicious. It looks like a series of circles on top of each other. But it's like an evolutionary problem because we should, like, through history, animals that are dangerous, we should perceive as dangerous looking. Hippos, which are one of the most dangerous animals, we perceive as cute.

It is because they're rounded. And they're close looking to the, elephants, which are so good-hearted. They're all I also think that we perceive them as cute a lot because of animation and drying. Yeah. When you see a hippo smash that watermelon, it is scary. It does wake up something deep inside you. And when you're up close and you see those big-ass jaws, they are, like, hippos in real life are a lot scarier.

I've seen them. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, like mudang and filters and draught Gloria from Madagascar probably didn't help. Yeah, yeah. Sexually, hungry, confused a lot of people. Jada Pinkett. voice that was you know what are you going to do with that yeah everybody has their own baggage for that oh did you guys see jimithy on there running around yeah jimmythe the raccoon i don't like

that man i don't want to see that shit no that looks fucking something that's not a god's jimmyth makes me feel weird it's some island of dr morrow stuff not a god and i'm not taking it on right i do think he's cute no but i know what you mean no i do no i'm not i'm not i'm not doing Jimothy. I've enough on my goddamn plate. This freaking hybrid ungodly thing going all over my timeline, like a little rat.

Seattle has steered into it too hard. Now the Mariners are doing like a Jimothy night. Now I think maybe they created him. Now I think maybe the Mariners have a lab where they're creating unholy animals. But Jimothy is a Seattle ass. That's some shit they would

get behind. It's not Jimothy's fault. No, it's not even if he's just doing the best Jimothy can do. He just doesn't have a neck. Is that what's going on with Jimy? This is also so far after Jimothy happened. Yeah, they're not even even remember. It's a month down the road.

God knows what a new fucked up animal they have in Seattle. My apologies to Jimith. I just feel like there were some evil readers on meth or something. No. Now we're all obsessed with Apple Jack. Apple Jack. Apple Jack. And I like him better.

I'll tell you. Who's Apple Jack? He hasn't been discovered you. Oh, okay. He's a taradactal. They have taradactyl. again. I like land before time. I do feel like pelicans are

a close modern evolution for dog, though. A pelican swoops up always freaks me out. They're very prehistoric looking. They make you feel like you're going to have to fight them. I do love when they open their mouth and there's a fish in there playing the Glock and spiel. Yes, I agree. It is always nice when you see that. I also would like to eat things whole like that.

Yeah. You know, like they have that just goal it open like that. I did it by the dumpster the other day. whole Gordita. How many activities do you do by the dumpster in a month? And I say, come out into the light, Sean. That's probably not just the one. I haven't done anything by a dumpster in a while. That was...

Three days? Well, yeah. When this came out, it's been like a month and three days. All right? I have an important question. Was the double decker? And here it is, everyone. Just hold your breath for one second.

Was it a Supreme? No, no, no. Did you put sauce on it? If you would have left it out, 24 hours as a supreme. That would have been some high tight rope walking. No, you can't get that cream. I was using leftover nacho cheese from the night before also by the dumpster.

Oh, fuck yeah. Dipping it in nacho cheese. Jesus Christ. It was insane. If somebody would have seen me, I would have lied about it or like thrown it over the fence. What is you lying? I would have just been like, whoa, what am I doing? And just walk away.

This isn't what it looks like. There has to be a term for like when somebody does something you did that reveals the horror and how you used to behave. I think the Germans probably have a word for them. Because I used to be doing that shit all the time. I would do that stuff all the time. I do it still all the time. I mean, I don't, but I try to remove the shame.

Shadowwork, baby. I'm nasty. I'm not trying to, that's the truth. You know? I'll, I will hit. That cut to the core of me. I will hit a double mecker. That's the truth.

12 hours later? Yeah, I will. I did it. I do it. I've been eating iceberg shit, diarrhea, let us his whole fucking. time. I said, I'll deal with it. But it was too afraid to go at me.

I kind of felt the same way. I genuinely felt like not my stomach. Yeah. That thing's been through war. My stomach is pretty tough. Yeah. Like, I don't have the stomach issues. I think it's pretty, yeah, I don't either. My stomach is tough in that I don't, like, it doesn't turn a lot.

Yeah. I'm nasty. Like you said that, I've really felt that. I'm nasty. Yeah. So like everything that comes with it, I'm nasty. But I haven't done. the Taco Bell 12 hours later in the water. I don't get grossed out really. Oh yeah. Not food-wise. I do shower like twice a day, but like I will sit down on my apartment floor and just get into some shit. Yeah. Food-wise. Yeah. You mean planning a robbery? Not a robbery. I don't have the energy for that. Just absolutely going ham on some nasty ass

leftovers, maybe order something new to go with it, top it off with all the Swedish fish I got in my cabinets. The sour gummies, the sour. I feel like you. your cabinets contain a lot of candy? They are full of candy. I have no food and cabinets full of candy. That's really exactly what I thought it was. That's exactly how I thought you were living. No, it's just like I...

Just like a lot. I like quizlers. I feel like you have weird like home goods candy. Oh, I love that shit. No, are you kidding? They have the best ones at the register. They're getting me every fucking time. Is that like home goods branded?

Or like... Just like they got weird candy. No, they have like boutique candies that somehow end up there in the riffraff and guess who's buying them? It's me. Okay, great. Yeah. I thought it was like home good branded like this is home goods attempt at making. Oh, no, no, no.

They just have weird, like international candies. Blair, your second pick. I wonder how that man who predicted the first alien contact at one of the last two games of the World Cup feels huge... He's made a huge ass of himself, no aliens to be seen. It was a woman. It was? It was a Brazilian woman. Oh, that's crazy on me.

I assume the doctor was a man. No. I need to pray and repent. That is humiliating and disgusting. And I wish he never said it. She was a psychic. A psychic. No, but there was a doctor, I thought, too.

The alien contact during the World Cup woman was a psychic. Okay, a psychic woman. So she made this massive prediction. I was there and ready. It was really the only reason I watched the game. I'm not a soccer guy, really. So I had Daryling Hall and talk. And so I turned it on because I was like,

I'm not missing first public contact. Yeah. And then it didn't happen. As far as we know. What did she say? She said an alien was going to, what? Is it going to be the first public, like, contact? They were coming down.

That's when it was going to happen during the World Cup game. Yeah. Yeah. Why would they do that? Most people watching. Reach the most surface area. But, I mean, if they've been watching. watching us, they know anytime you pop up, we're going to look.

We're going to look. Did we not get alien confirmation not that long ago? No. Bashar says that 2026 is the age of disclosure in 2027 is when we're going to make first contact. Okay. You said that? Which we are on pace for that. Bashar, he's some like, he channels this like alien collective.

There's aliens here already. I agree. but this is going to be the first public. Yes, there are. There has to be. No. There are. Isaac, how do you know?

I'll guarantee it. Guarantee it. Whoa, the room is split. I'm kidding. No, I just, there's, I think they've been here or they're here or something. We have to have had first contact. No. No, but not public, like, widely visible on TV.

But I've been thinking about, that's the type of shit I think about in the shower. Like, what is this woman's aftermath after she made such a fucking big claim, you know? I think she's on to the next one. I think those people, she's kind of. like a grifter psychic. Right. And I think you're just on to the next thing. Yeah.

You're like you're justifying why it didn't happen. No, I just wanted to believe so bad. I know. Yeah. But I think she's just on to the next one. I think she's probably made five different predictions. Well, I'm not listening now. No.

She made an ass out of me and you. Yeah. I was watching that World Club. I was posted up in the Pittsburgh Marriott lobby, waiting for an alien to come down. We were at the Pittsburgh Marriott. You've been there. Up in the M club.

Yeah. The M club. That's what it's called. There's the M club at the very top. All the way upstairs. Oh, I didn't make it there. There was one. The Pittsburgh Marriott we were at.

The bar was hopping. It was one of the only hotel bars I've seen that was legit. The whole floor was just there watching. It was a finals game, right? Something. NBA game. It was also that tour, that was the hotel we were at the longest. I think we were there for three nights, remember?

Because we saw the baseball game. Yeah, yeah. Skis! Anyway. Yeah. Aliens, dude. What do you got to hope aliens look like? I can't even put anything on it.

I don't know. Do they have bodies? They got legs? I hope they're cute looking. I really hope. I hope they're not. The little gray ones are supposed to be little like four feet tall, three feet tall. And then they're supposed to be the giganto ones that are like 10, 11 feet tall.

I don't know what those are. I want them to look a way that makes me realize how vast the universe is. Yeah, something good. I want them to look completely not of this earth. I have. have no idea what they look like that kind of thing like my my mind's not ready like whoa that's a new like you see it and you're like oh this is a new thing right you know right right right right i don't want to think like anything we can think of in virginia virginia brazil in 1994

those are the little guys like four feet tall ones mm-hmm yeah i want them to be bigger they could all be the size of a planet the ones they supposedly saw in miami at the miami mall thing those were the gigantic ones oh i forgot about that. David, time for your second, third picks? YouTube comments.

Oh, dude. That's a really good shower thought. Yeah, and it's like, it's just like that's where it's all got to go. Yeah.

Like, I can't be carrying this with me throughout the entire day, but like sometimes in the shower, you're like, maybe my laugh is fucking annoying.

Yeah. I hate it. Or then you're like, and then you're like, maybe I am in the gorillas. God. Oh. Because of your laugh?

You're going to the best laughs of all time. I hear that probably once a week. You have one of the best laughs of all time. Thank you. Yeah. Actually, I get that. Because this morning there was a YouTube comment that I thought of how it was literally said David has one of the worst laughs of all time.

Yeah, I get that too. Come on. It's just like you put your shit out to everybody. Somebody's not going to like you. If a laugh, if you don't like a laugh, you're sick in the soul. But also not just my YouTube comments. Sometimes I'll watch some other shit. and it'll be something funny or just like,

and then like YouTube comments are so weird where you're like, God, everybody, I have this thing where my default, I think everybody's lying on the internet. Yeah, or like boasting in there, like, you know, it's like I think everybody on the internet's lying. I think everybody on Reddit wants other people to think they're smart.

I don't go on Reddit. It sounds too scary over there either. I've really cut it down. But it's like really good for like, man, if you just want to like find some specific shit real, fast, Reddit's really good for it. YouTube, I'll go on, like, sometimes I'll go on YouTube, but then sometimes

I'll look like YouTube. Like, I changed my wife's air filters the other day. Good, I like that. And I was just reading the comments on the videos on how to change an air filter on a 2017 Chevy Equinox. And it's just like, because it's so helpful because people are just like,

thank you, this made my... One lady was just like, I completed my task, thank you. Those comments are great. Nobody's ever like, you're ugly, when you change the air filter. It's the best. Reddit's great. I mean, Reddit's good for that kind of stuff too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instructions on how to cooking or like, how to like, oh, high volume eating kind of thing. Any opinion stuff on Reddit though or like weightlifting or people. Reddit is just like people interjecting and like not, we're like surmising. A lot of people are surmising. If ever, whenever I see, if someone ever calls me ugly, I just, I have to remind myself because first I feel, oh, that hurts. and then second I go, oh no hot person has ever called someone on the internet ugly. No, no, they're not in the YouTube.

You're already, you're already in the YouTube con. You came to a bad neighborhood. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not on the air filter. Shout out to the air filter people. That's a great neighborhood. Those are cool people.

That's sick. How to do anything? It's amazing. Yeah, because it's, and it saved me so much money. Oh, my gosh. Because we took it in and the guy was like, we got to do this, this and this. And then I was, I was like, this is what they, and she's like, I don't think we should pay that.

And then I just YouTubeed a couple of things. I was like, all I need is a screwdriver. Now you know how to do it. And now I can, now I can do it. Not all of us have an Air Force general to show us how to do everything. He shows me how to do it all. Shout out, Ron.

Thank you. It's all sticking too. Don't worry. All that knowledge is retained. I believe it. Yeah. Why are you looking like it? Why you can shift the eyes when you said that?

I don't know how to, he showed me how to wire all of our outlets, like how to actually rewire an electrical outlet, like a plug-in. Oh, that'd be good to know. Sorry, let me cut you off. right out. I have to take us to a break right now. I'm just saying we got 15 minutes left. I'm sorry, Sean.

I know you were in the middle of something interesting. It's all right. But I got a hand signal. That's all right. From Isaac Cold Cream and Lee. Isaac Cold Cream and Lee. We'll be right back with more All Fantasy Everything. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah.

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Dave, time for your third pick. Elementary school. Oh. Oh. What do you think about? Mine was scattered and complicated. Yeah. So there's just like a lot of like sometimes I'll try to go through it in order.

Yeah. And be like kindergarten was this school, first grade was this school and this school. Second grade was this school. Third grade was the same school. Fourth grade was the, and like just try to pull out like one memory from each. I just like try to look at it as. a whole. Yeah.

A lot. That's fun. One solid memory. It's not fun. Well, interesting. I'll say it. To try to think of one solid memory from like each teacher or something. Yeah.

And then I just try to like thread it through so I can have like a, well I'll be like or sometimes I'll think about where we lived. So I'll be like this where, you know, like apartment names. We're like where did where did I go to school and we lived at Fox Run? Prairie Wind. Yeah, where did I live at Panther Lake? Where did I go to school at Appian Way? What did I do at Campus Green, West Green?

We lived at Campus Green and then West Green, and they were like a half a mile open. Courts, Charleston Courts. Oh, so many courts. So many courts. Dove Valley. Which was actually by the Dubbo's Training Facility. That's when we first got to Colorado. Elementary.

Elementary. I loved grade school. It's just like an interesting, and it's like you thought so much different then. Yeah. I don't remember how I thought back then. It was a lot. It was a lot, a lot more optimistic, I think. I thought about TechMobile a lot.

Because of the first thing I think of. That's like the first thing I think of. Is it because of that spin? Like if you time that spin, nobody could. Be in Bo Jackson and just running into the end zone, running all the way back to my end zone, running all the way back to the other one. Did you ever play road rash? You seemed like you'd be a road rash kid. No.

No. Does that skateboard yet? I remember Road rash? No. I don't play Road Rush. It was a motorcycle, but you could, like, hit them with chains and stuff. Oh, yes. There you got me.

I do remember that, because it was, like, Double Dragon-style chain that would go, like, yeah, yeah. Is it in real life? It was on Sega. Sega! Where are you a third pick? I remember Sega! Sega!

Use the boost to get through. My third piece. Oh, this happened to me twice last year. Earthquake. I was in the shower when an earthquake happened twice last year. Whoa, fuck. And then any prior California osmosis knowledge of what to do an earthquake like all left me.

And I was like, I don't know, I guess I'm fucking naked in a shower right now. And I was trying to stabilize, bend your knees, bend your knees, squat down, squat down. Athletic position. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lower gravity, lower gravity. And then I was like, do I go in the... Deliver a blow. Deliver a blow.

And I was like, do I go in the door? Do I go in the doorway? Or do I go under the table in the kitchen that's really far away? Or do I just run downstairs naked? Because who cares if the neighbors see your bits or over dying? When it's quaking. Because they're never like, so you're naked and wet. Find a doorway.

When it's quaking, my yams are shaking. Yeah. My yams were shaking. And I said, I don't know. I guess this is how I'm going. But not a bad way to go. Could have been worse. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunate when that happens. Pooping in an earthquake? Have you been pooping? How could you be two times in the shower? Two times in the shower is crazy.

Two earthquakes in the shower in one year. Got to buy a lottery ticket after that. That's like two times in the shower you start to feel like did I do something? I was like, I was like he's really trying to get me, huh? Yeah. Yeah, we're trying to make me take a nice slip on a banana peel to crack that head open. No one will find me. Got to stop even bananas in the shower.

Do you have a bath mat? Outside. What about inside? No, no, not one. Whoa. That's too slick, Blair. I know. We don't have one.

They get too dirty in the, in the, you can see it. It's so slick, though. Don't you worry about, I practice. I worry about power skating. I worry about falling in the shower, though, I think more than most. I have fallen once. And then, like, I was like, no one's going to find me, you know? Yeah.

It just feels like the kind of fall that could really fuck you up. Yeah, it can't. That's how Bob Saggett died, I thought, right? Wasn't it getting out of the shower? Well, is it? A lingering head injury, wasn't it? No, he fell in his hotel room and then went to sleep after. After he had like a bad head.

I can't talk about that. I know. Anyways, I'm still living. Still living. Earthquakes. Quaking. I never feel earthquakes. I remember one at the crib.

I came out and the whole house was shaking. I go, is that earthquake? And you're like, yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah. The whole place was shaking. The whole house. I very rarely feel earthquakes. I feel like the obvious ones.

Yeah, I feel like. But when people are like, was that an earthquake? I was like, oh, I don't know. Remember there was a big one during pandemic and it was the only time I saw my neighbors? My mom was at my house. Like we all, okay. Yeah.

And we all went out into the courtyard and everybody was like, you okay? All right, we won't talk again. Back in. Yeah. We won't talk again for another eight months. My mom grabbed a vase she had gotten me and ran outside.

I love that. That's great. That's sweet. Time for my third pick. I am going to take, I'm going back with some. silly things that I remember thinking about in the shower recently. What if my house is sitting on a deposit of rare earth minerals?

Man, that'd be the jackpot. You're just losing money every day that you don't check. Do you own your own your own mineral rights? I think so. If you own, I own my land. What about the airspace? But do you always automatically own the mineral rights? How far down do you own? Do you always automatically own the mineral rights?

Yeah, if you own your house, yeah. How far down? The land? All the way down. I thought that's how they get you to the core? All the way to the molten core of earth. Yeah, you and your mineral rights. I don't know.

You don't own up too. All the way up to God and all the way down to hell. And I made sure of that. This is my slice of heaven in hell. That's my slice. And I made sure of that in the language. You can just hold Arthur up. You're like, look straight up.

It's all yours. That's yours. And look down. Did you guys watch your bandy pump rules? Uh-uh. Yeah, unless you live in Burbank because he lived under the airspace. And his scenes were always getting interrupted at his house by the airplanes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You put up a fence all the way, all the way to heaven. All the way. Wait, seriously, though, there is like got to be a limit on the height above your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably 30,000 feet. And below. I think you own all the way down. What if you own into like an aquifer?

Good luck of you. Water, bro. Aquifer 99, that's what I'm charged. Because we're in the city. We're in L.A. Yeah. Nobody in the city's on the way. But I think about that, like, or what if I bought some land and it turned out to have rare earth? Because every now and then you hear those stories.

Yeah. That's someone who bought some land. Yeah. And they have like some whatever in it. And then it's like, oh yeah, they sold it for like $943 million worth of whatever. Like what's in batteries? Lithium. Oh, lithium.

You know, like that kind of thing. Isn't that what's going on to the DRC? That's where all the lithium is? What's the DRC? Are you looking at me as if I'm cultured and educated? You are. When you're not getting... Cultured and pussy!

Because you're wearing Zoc. When you're not knocking out those. backs, I think you're pretty smart. I was just because you're wearing white samba and vintage polo. That is, yeah, the Democratic Republic of Congo is emerging as a major frontier for lithium. What I say. I heard Burnaboy found a bunch of rare earth minerals on some of his property. Really?

And that's why he's not doing as much music. Are you serious? Yeah. Dang. Man. That'll stop you real quick. Somebody's got to check my property. That's right.

I'm saying. Whoa, that would be. What if something's in there? Dog, if I, if something's in there, you won't have to worry. about old David No more Exactly I'm fucking out of here

Just like I just like would I just like would just We could just be friends Without having work with Absolutely It would as well I hope I would respect you less

If you kept doing this podcast After you discovered rare earth minerals If I discovered rare earth minerals I am like Not doing anything public ever again Not because this feels like a job But that's exactly right Yeah I'm not doing anything

There's no part of me you can get to I didn't start a gardening show Like Zach Alfenachian I wouldn't I don't need the show, though. You just garden. I could just start gardening. I would have an amazing garden.

Exactly. You don't need to grow some big ass produce. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's, nothing. I want cabbage the size of giant nuts. Big fucking cabbage. Just like a car size cabbage.

Big, like, where the babies grow up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big fucking truck wheel. Those are cool. I'm the cabbage patch. Sean, what do you think about in the shower? Can I freestyle? Can I sing?

No. Are those two different ones? No, this is the same. I mean, can I freestyle or sing? That's so funny. I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes, like, even after like 100 years on this earth, I'm like, maybe the days I, today is the day that I discover in this shower that I actually have this gorgeous voice.

That's untouched, untop. The water can make me think I'm hitting the notes. I would pay you money to hear your shower freestyle. I would straight up give you money for that. I give you some of my rare earth money. I don't freestyle. I just try to sing. you know and then I'm like maybe today's the day that I like

I was wrong this entire time every YouTube commenter was wrong I do have a beautiful singing voice you know What do you say? He says don't you bring me down today I freestyle almost every time Don't you bring me down today You rap? I try and I won't it's so embarrassing I just can't I can't

I just there's something in my body that won't even let me jokingly do it on this show He's tried to pull it out of me so much. I can't. Because I know you're doing it. It's terrifying. I know if we got you drunk enough, we could get you to do it. I've gotten him pretty drunk. I'm interested.

We've gotten him pretty drunk. But I mean, and tried to make him freestyle? No, it doesn't happen is what I mean. No, yeah, they've been with me. Maybe you lost focus. That could be it. Yeah. So I tried to freestyle.

I try to sing, never good at either one of them. And then the fourth thing, I was wondering, is the towel too dirty that I'm about to use? probably always is but I use a towel too many times probably use a towel for a week that's a lot but I'm also fucked up dog we

we run through towels in my shit well why not you got a washer and dryer it's like why not and our washer and dryer is like not far from our shower so there stays it's an easy toss yeah there's stays we stay doing towels I do about a week on a towel we have enough towels where I can do a new towel every time I think I do two three days on a towel

really really Maybe I should be washed my towel. You're saying, yeah. Because I love a fresh towel. I love it when we haven't even put them all away, and I just go to the pile of fresh towels and pull one out. We used to warm up Ardy's towels. That's such a good idea.

While he was in the bath. And they would come out with a warm. He's going to get a taste for that. Yeah. When you're washing your... It's going to make it hard to find love. That's right. Well, he's going to find the right kind of love.

Yeah, well, I mean, that didn't... None of us found out of love. And look at us. We're all happy. That's right. When I'm drying off, I'm always wondering... Huh? Does she heat my towels?

No. I was going to say that's like the sweetest thing I've ever heard of her. No, unfortunately she does. That's like the sweetest fucking thing I've ever heard of my life as someone heating their spouse. Do you heat her towels?

I don't heat her towels. You guys, all the men in this room should do that, heat the towels with the girl. I get her towels sometimes. My wife does a bathrobe, no towel. But when she gets out of the... She drip dries. Oh.

She has the cherry cloths. The robe. I will, I was wonder how many times did I dry my butt with this part and then it's on my face. That's always a big thing I think about. See, my brain just blacks it all out. Like, when I go to dry my face,

I had no idea that thing has ever come in contact with my asshole. I don't dry my butt. I have a wet butt right now. Even right now I have a wet butt. Wet butt makes me feel too slimy. I still leave in two minutes. Okay, my fourth pick is going to be, how do they pick who's a ghost?

They say it's unfinished business, but everybody has pretty much. Everybody has unfinished business. No, that's a really good thought. Everybody has unfinished business. So who picks, who's a ghost? Have you ever seen a ghost? No.

Oh. But I have room in my heart to believe. Yeah, same. Yeah. I apparently have room in my heart to believe fucking anything. Yeah. What's your fourth pick? Me?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, I swear to God it's impossible to shave your asshole. It's almost like God refuses a hairless asshole. And I'm not waxing because I refuse pain. But like, I don't. It's impossible. Like I gave it.

Yeah. Like I'm trying to maneuver a fucking hacksaw back there. That's nuts. No, because one time I heard a guy and like, again, I know it doesn't matter, but I heard a guy like talking about him and his friends joking about when they had sex with a girl and they like see their hairy butt hole. And it's like you guys should be so fucking lucky. They're also lying. Really? No, I mean, you see a hairy butt.

You've seen the hairy butt. They don't care though. They don't care. Yeah. Them saying they. care they're lying to their lines. That's right. It's awesome. Yeah, they're not. A hairy asshole. It's all awesome. It's all awesome. You're having sex. Yeah, it's all awesome. You're having sex. They're doing the best thing. It's great. Well, I've never done anal and I don't think I will do it in this lifetime.

I didn't think that was going to come up today. Oh, one time Mattel Lane told me that when I was like really young, he goes, never get tricked into doing anal. You don't have a prostate. It's all a lie. Oh, yeah, you don't. Yeah, so I don't think I will be doing it in this lifetime. Don't do it. And I don't really worry about it. It's not like I'm even out here, but like it is so hard to get to your butt hole. It's really hard. With a razor? I have butt hair and I think about it a lot too.

I'm like, that sucks. For what? For what is it there? Yeah. David, your fourth and final picks. I said too much on this podcast today. No, no, no, no. Stand-up comedy and are my muscles getting bigger?

Okay. Yeah, that's for real. And they are. They are. They are. They are. You ever get that? Like, because every now and then you know.

You're like, look at my back. Yeah, or you're like, you're like, whoa, I think I have a shelf. Yeah. If I ever flex in the mirror, I get scared to go, whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Sometimes I'll pull myself off. I'm pulled my own eye up.

Yeah, damn, I got traps. Blair, you're fine. I'm trapped. Oh, there's another one, huh? Oh, it's fine. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder what happened to that guy from when I was on his boat when I was 23 after a work networking thing. And I was with all these real estate brokers.

And then this guy overheard me, the one whose boat I was on trapped on, he overheard me saying, I can't believe he cheated on his wife. And he literally overheard me. And so, like, in that moment, it was like, do or die, you just have to react because there's no saving it. And I was like, what I'm 23 and you're ruining my dreams. That's what I said when he said, I heard what you said. Perfect.

That's great. I'm so glad you don't still sell real estate. I would buy a house from you, but I don't think we would. Absolutely. I don't think I would see us as friends. That's hurtful one, but two, it wasn't residential as commercial. And also, I hate it. You're an athlete.

The problem was I fucking hate small talk. And I couldn't fake laugh at the jokes. And I'm like, kill me. I bet you could have moved units, though. Oh, absolutely. If I would have just stuck it out. And my father knew that about me, and he told me not to go into it. Like, he's like, you're not going to like this.

My dad did that to me with being a lawyer. Yeah, he's like, you won't like this. And then, like, a rival firm, like, offered me a job. And I just wanted to move out of my parents' house, even though I, like, wanted to be an artist. And so I did it, and it was all dudes. And I was commercial real estate broker. And I was, like, wearing heels every day. And I was, like, this is fucking disgusting, like, this whole thing.

And I had to do, all I did was cold call every day. And then at one point on, oh, and by Thursday, it was, like, the classic, like, corporate thing. I was like, I just have to get fucking hammered to, like, get through this. We, because I had to be in the office at 6 a.m. every day. And I was like, this can't be all there is under these fluorescent lights. Yeah. God damn right. Yeah.

It's a great fucking pick. But it's really scary getting caught talking about on the boat. Like, not even on land. Like you're trapped. And like this man heard me talking about him cheating on his wife. That would be very scary. Wild. Yeah.

I'm taking what other animals could we be riding. If we had gotten on them early. Oh, that's a good thought. I thought about that the other day. That's a really good one. What do we ride? Horse camel? Yeah, horse camel, donkey,

donkey, elephant. We could ride anything that we could put in there. If we got in there early enough, what other animals could we be riding? Hippa? Tiger? I think they're too hornry. But wasn't every animal at one point. Or were horses just begging to be ridden?

I mean, you have to break a horse. You know, there's still wild horses? Yeah. So that's crazy to me. Yeah. The Rolling Stones are singing about. Horses? There's something about them that reads, like, upper-level dimension to me.

There's something very spiritual about them. Okay. My wife and I were just talking about this. I think horses are kind of dumb. David, what the hell? You don't have time to get into this, but you're actually right. I know. No.

I've been around a lot of them. They are evolutionarily so fucked. I think I've always felt they're, they feel stupid. Like, they feel like cows to me. Yeah. Like sometimes you know you're around dogs or like feline presence feels very intelligent. Horses don't feel that way to me. I feel fury rising up forth inside me.

There's nothing. there is nothing dumb about horses. Okay, they're just, they're quiet smart. Okay, they're not trying to dominate you. When a horse looks at you, you feel like it sees you? No, the horse is like a goddamn elderly professor. What are you talking about that? That's not how I feel at all.

They're not dumb. That's not how I feel it. No. I don't think they are intellectually dumb. The way they are designed is like... They're statues. They're gorgeous. One of those beautiful things we have in the world.

Oh, you don't know a lot of hot dumb people? Sean, your final pick. There has to go. Vet people saddle up in rock. I rest my case You never had to break a hottie one summer I'd like to not remember anything about it I wonder if the amount of floaters I have

Is a normal amount Oh sure Because we have a all white walls and it freaks me out What floters were in like the last year I'm like that's what those fucking things am I I got a big one in my left eye that just goes all over the shower When I'm every single time Big one? Big one

What causes floaters? I've talked to a doctor about it I don't know It's like stuff floating on your cornea, like blood vessels floating on your cornea or something like that. I don't know. I don't walk in, though. I think about that line from Sherlock where Moriarty goes, that's what people do. That's a good line. I thought you were going to say no shit.

No shit, Sherlock. That's what people doubt. That was a cool one to say. David, you went first. You took fake conversations, YouTube comments, elementary school, stand-up comedy, and are your muscles getting bigger? Blair, you one second. you took, I should shave my toes? Or should I shave my toes? First alien, that person who predicted first alien contact during the World Cup. Earthquakes. Should I shave my asshole? I can't do it.

And what happened to that guy from the boat who was cheating on his wife? I went third. I took the video game I'm playing. Why are hippos considered cute? What if my house is sitting on a deposit of rare earth minerals? How do they pick ghosts? And what other animals should we be riding? And Sean, you went last. You took, am I going to wash my feet today? Oh, look, all my body here is going the same direction. I love that one. Can I sing in freestyle? Is my towel? Is my towel? too dirty and is my amount of floaters normal? Very present. I think Sean might have won. Very present. I mean, he's super real. What's going on? Living in the

moment. Yeah. You're really studying your body. That's the key to happiness. Yeah. Hey. The power of now. This is great. Doesn't seem like happiness to me. Is my towel too dirty? Do I have the normal amount of floaters? Yeah, but then I focus on the amount of towels I do have if I want it. And look how cool my body is underwater. I could have more floaters. Bodies are so freaky.

Well, heck, we want to hear you Our citizen of all fantasy podcast, Gmail.com. Shout to everyone on the A-F-E Patreon, the All-Family Everything Patreon. Shout to our super producer Isaac Haley on the On Ones and Twos. Shout to Situke-Roehl. Shout to Zach Harper in the studio.

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Thanks for having me. A-F-E. Bye-bye. That was a hit gum. podcast.