All Fantasy Everything - Smells (w/ Sean Jordan, Dave Ross and Chris Charpentier)

Episode Date: July 5, 2018

Smell yes. Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians Dave Ross, Chris Charpentier and Sean Jordan to draft smells. Thank you to Dollar Shave Club for sponsoring this episode of All Fantasy Everything. For just $5, you can get their Daily Essentials Starter Set. It comes with Body Cleanser, One Wipe Charlies, their amazing butt wipes, their world famous Shave Butter, and their best razor: the six-blade Executive.Check it all out at dollarshaveclub.com/allfantasy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that secretly hasn't recorded an episode for like a month and a half. Scream. Wah. But it's here right now. It's back, baby, after several trips all over the world. Several trips to the ABC Mouse building. Yeah, several trips to over the world. Several trips to the ABC Mouse building.

Several, yeah, several trips to the Galleria. The Galleria in Glendale. Sure, Ralph's. Oh, the Galleria.

Galleria. Galleria, dudes, the fucking spot. Ralph's, the Whole Foods. The Rich Man's Bellagio, they call it down there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Bellagio-ria we call it. The Bellagio-ria. Yeah. Got a fountain dog.

You got to, if you already live luxury all the time, you still got to have somewhere to vacation, and that's what the ILE is about. I'm saying, you don't want to only look down for the rest of your life. Americana's right up the street, and they got snow on Christmas. They got snow on Christmas. We went. Hell yeah. England.

It was pretty clutch when we went, too. Oh, I love it. Yeah. We picked up hot chocolates. Hochos. Seriously, dude? And then just walked around? It was the best, man. One of the best days of my life. Pretty sure we had Shake Shack up first. And I'm from a place where there's real snow.

Real snow. I know. It was still cool. But is there Michael Bublé Christmas songs playing out of hidden speakers? No, there's no. I was down there with Laura the other day, the lucky lady. She's not thrilled about the Galleria, not to say she doesn't enjoy it, but she doesn't get giddy.

She doesn't get it. You know? Yeah. And we're walking by and I was like, fucking music coming out of the trees, dog. You don't like music that comes out of the trees? The most manicured grass of all time. I'm saying. Come on.

Unbelievable. Totally. Always the exact same length. The grass. You could be in a cheesecake factory looking at the Apple store or in the Apple store looking at the cheesecake factory. You know something like that? And then somebody who lives there could be looking at both of you.

Much like the eye in the sky in Casino watching us all. All of us. There it is. Casino reference. That kind of podcast. Yeah, that's incredible. I feel like you can't be in that kind of podcast. Totally. Yeah, that's what kind of podcast is. The world's only remaining Barnes & Noble.

Probably. Seriously. Probably. The only other one is in the Grove, which is the Galleria of the West. Sure. Wow. Of Western Los Angeles. There's a Barnes & Noble there?

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Now it's just a Barnes. Noble. Yeah, he does. Totally. Not a lot of people know this, but Bone. Bones? We can call it Bone & Noble. I was going to say Noble fucked Barnes' wife, but bone i was gonna say noble fuck barnes's wife but that i was gonna say bone that sounds like barnes

whole thing you know the barnes from barnes and noble is the seleno and barnes barnes 1-800-8-million what happened is that national seleno and barnes national no i didn't hear it until i got here maybe it is but i have not. I have never heard that. Oh, never mind then. The jingle goes 8 million, which is bananas. Now it used to be 888888888. They're having a contest. What? A jingle contest?

Yeah. Right now. I just heard it on the radio. They're having a jingle contest. You can win $10,000. Give me the rules. There were no rules. The rules were send your thing to this

Upload your thing On whatever website Where the lyrics have to be I mean there's gotta be Some meat to it That jingle right there The 1-800-8-million They just want a doper way

To say what their Shitty number is Fuck yeah Yeah dude 1-800-8-million Get your ass out of trouble Ding Another ding dude

$10,000 Thank you Here's another one 1-800-8-MILLION get your ass out of trouble bwong foghorn

$10,000 yeah was there anyone what is the company what do they do they're a law firm law firm it's a local law firm

who had like kind of a like I guess a locally famous jingle 1-800-888-8888 and that's when it was Salino and Barnes and then they split And that's when it was Salino and Barnes. And then they split up.

So they used to go, Salino and Barnes, injury attorneys, call 1-800-888-8888. Not $10,000 right there. Well, it was good. It was pretty good. You didn't put a sound effect

at the end, which is my bread and butter. Scream! Oh, all right. That's so good. Somebody jumped in their car on the freeway right there. Driving reckless.

But Salino and Barnes had some kind of breakup. Yeah. And now it's just like Salino. I'm sure one just retired. But I really want it to be salacious, you know? Totally. I'm going to live in a world where it's salacious. Yeah.

Because I'll never find out the truth. Salacious and Barnes? Salacious and Barnes. Have you heard this story that's probably not true, but I want it to be so bad about the taco truck wars in Echo Park? No. Well. Okay.

I believe you. So like there's the old, the old, old standby taco zone, which has been there forever and ever and ever. Okay. Yeah. And then somewhere in the early 2000s, El Flamin' Tacos showed up. Well, it sounds like it showed up in the early 00s. I'll tell you that. showed up. Sounds like it showed up in the early 00s. I'll tell you that.

El Flamin' Tacos showed up in the early 00s? I'll buy that for a nickel. Yeah, absolutely. And then somewhere around the time El Flamin' Tacos showed up, someone threw a fucking Molotov cocktail into Taco Zone. Whoa!

Yeah. And the rumor is it was El Flamin' Taco trying to take out the competition. Isn't El Flamin' Taco the one that has the 420 friendly sticker on the thing? Yeah, it's the one with all the neon and shit. But they can't be going around bombing people. They're 420 friendly. I don't know, man.

I think there are some people that smoke weed and are not good people. No. I'm sorry to tell you this, but yeah, not everyone who smokes weed is good. I don't believe that. Everyone that I know is. It's sorry to tell you this, but yeah, not everyone who smokes weed is good. I don't believe that. Everyone that I know is. It's hard to hear. And I know the dude that threw that Molotov. Yeah, but you live in Glendale, and everyone in Glendale is great.

Yeah. I'm saying, dude. There you go. Americana really chills you out, you know? Dude, snow on Christmas, dude. Surge from System of a Day. Uh-huh. Tank him.

Tank him? Tarn him? Tank him. Tank him. Hell yeah. Surge. Fuck off, Uja! Fuck!

True! Why did you leave your makeup on the table? You wanted to! The only lyric I know. Angels deserve to die! Is the lyric, why did you leave your makeup on the table? It's either that or cheese. Why did you leave your makeup on the table?

You wanted to! Something like that. I don't know. Could be cheese. I'm sure people on Twitter will give me shit about it why'd you oh no Sean does All Fantasy Everything

share a lot of fans with System of a Down it's almost a perfect circle I just always yeah and actually also with A Perfect Circle those are the big three

fan groups almost a perfect zero A Perfect Circle and System of a Down wow that's tight. We're going to, we actually, we were on the Tattoo the Earth tour together.

Back in 97. With, was Hoobastank on that tour? It was us, it was Hoobastank, it was Sepultura. Oh, sure. Yeah. I mean, I, Sepultura's pretty good. There's still a Sepultura song I'll fuck with. Oh, yeah.

Is it Roots, Bloody Roots? No, it's, it's Rata Mahata. Oh. Where it's just like crazy drums and them going like, boo! Yeah. Seppleterra? I feel like that's every song. That's a lot of them, right?

That's how I remember every Seppleterra song. Yeah, I mean, that's, you know, the formula. I feel like I saw them at Bumbershoot and I got real buck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They played at Bumbershoot? I think. That seems... I guess I don't know anything about Bumbershoot.

It was them and the shins. Yeah, that seems... Yeah. When the shins in Sepultura co-headlined that tour. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Since the last time we have recorded...

Yeah. I'm Sean, by the way, if you didn't recognize it. Sean Jordan. And my goddamn fucking car died. Oh, the Miracle Whip. The Miracle Whip died, dude. Rest in peace. Can we put some sad piano music? Some sad piano music for the Miracle Whip. The Miracle Whip died, dude. Rest in peace. Can we put some sad piano music, Marissa?

Some sad piano music for the Miracle Whip. What happened to it? Much like a grizzled old war vet. Sure. Who saw his last shot of rye whiskey waiting on the bar for him and couldn't quite get there. That was the Miracle Whip trying to get David Borey home. Yep. From the improv, I believe, right?

Yeah, the fucking improv. Not like it wouldn't have died if David, you know, it would have died anyways, but it was just funny. It was taking him home. And we're on the freeway. I'm like, gears are slipping, right? And he goes, how about you get off the freeway, pal? I go, no, we're all right.

I think I pet it like it was a movie. I'm like, we're good, right? Yeah, she's good. She's good. And then I just couldn't, nothing caught. So we get off the freeway and then we just kind kind of coasted to some back street, the deadest back street that I could find in a part of LA that I didn't know. Perfect.

And all this brown sludge, which I think was transmission fluid. It was the ooze from Ninja Turtles. I called him. And it's such a slap in the face when you're getting insurance. You're like, fucking, why would I need roadside insurance? I'll be all right, dude. Yeah, you need it. And then didn't have it.

Yeah. Had to wait. Got raked over the coals by the tow truck. Raked over the coals. 180 bucks I didn't have. Take him for a ride. Yeah, dude. Cost you an arm and a leg.

And David Borg stayed with the car. That's why he's not here today. Yeah, he's still there holding it down. Still there waiting. Constant vigil. Wow, that's so nice. He's a nice dude. What a guy.

It's still behind the house, isn't it? Until I figure out. You had it towed to the house. Yeah. And that's a fucking. Okay, so that's a thing. In Los Angeles, your car dies. And let's say I didn't have a parking spot.

Let's say it was street parking. What do you do with your car? You just have to take it to a random somewhere. Yeah. Like a Walmart. Walmart. In Sioux Falls, South Dakota, that's where I'm from, born and raised, you could just park it anywhere. Maybe not at the courthouse.

That's the main difference between LA and Sioux Falls. Tony to the courthouse. The system of a down spent their early 20s in Sioux Falls, and then that's where they wrote all their big songs And then they moved to LA Yeah that's when it fell off for them They were just partying too hard over there

They couldn't handle it They were living too high on the hog in Glendale So yeah that's what's happened to me God damn it So which part died the miracle or the whip It's still a whip But but it's no miracle. But it's no miracle. The miracle is that it grew up for so long in the first place, folks.

Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. That's what I'm supposed to say. Yeah. That's right. Anything to promote? I guess we haven't even said this, but there's really no reason to, but Live Album's finally going down in Portland.

Oh, hell yeah. August 30th, but they're both sold out already sold out not like that's a not like that's not awesome but i just feel bad we haven't said it on here there's no tickets available but there will be an album at some point there will be and what i would say to do is go to zach tiscani's show august 22nd oh there you go uh you know that's that's what i got to plug i can't make it i'm hosting a circus right across the street from it. I'm going to be at the NWA reunion with Easy. With Easy?

Wow. A lot of new science. So that's going to be going on at a dog-friendly venue across the street. Yep, yep, yep. Lucky Labrador. Lucky Labrador. 420 friendly as well. Not a lot of Molotovs in there, but a lot of fluffy dogs. Apparently Obama's got

this whole politics thing figured out, and he's going to be giving a speech right after the concert. Right across the street. Jay-Z and Beyonce, actually, it's a double album. They're going to do the second part of it right before the NWA show. It's free and capacity is unlimited. But Zach's show right across the street

should be fun, too. Capacity is a word they've never heard. Not heard it, but Zach's right across the street, saying fun too. Capacity is a word they've never heard. Yeah. They've not heard it. But Zach's right across the street saying it around the same time. I think, I mean, if you got- What date is this? August 22nd. August 22nd. Yeah.

Light 20 bucks on fire. I will also be at that show you're doing, giving away money. Oh shit, there it is. Yeah. That's cool. Free money. I have a lot of money. So wristbands that are good for everything forever for the rest of the time.

Yeah. But they don't get in your way. They don't stink in the shower. Wristbands that go everywhere. They don't go into Zach's show though. You got to get a ticket. Yeah. But they don't get in your way. They don't stink in the shower. You know what? They don't go into Zach's show, though. You got to get a ticket. Yeah, you do. That's the one place that doesn't work actually.

I think it's like 20 bucks. Yeah, 20 bucks. I don't know. I mean, I got to fix my car. I'm sure everybody out there has real world troubles. Here's the thing about this show we're doing. If you have a ticket to Zach's show,

then we give you more money. Oh, yeah, actually, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That starts at the same time as Zach's show, though. And you have to stay for the entire time to get the money. The t-shirt cannon lessons start about a half hour before Zach's show. That's true.

So if you want to learn how to operate a t-shirt Gatling gun, show up early. And be given one as well. Wow. Operate and be given a t-shirt Gatling gun. Man, I'm pretty good friends with Zach, and I think I would go to the other. That's what I'm saying. It's just a bummer the way the timing worked out. Man, that's a real bummer.

It just sucks. That's tough. Yeah. And for all of us to also fall on Fridgetzky Day. Oh, man. Fridgetzky Night. They are different. Well, Fridgetzky Day doesn't end when the sun goes down.

It just keeps going, baby. Shane's actually been working on a Sheryl Crow biography that he wrote and directed. It's a biopic. He also plays Sheryl Crow. Sheryl Old Crow is her name. All I wanna do is have some fun.

I got a feeling. Buy his album. Until mine comes out. Yeah. Unless you already own Ian's, then buy Ian's too. Oh, yeah. Buy 9.2 on Pitchfork. Available right now.

Right now. Kill rock stars. Chris Charpentier. Yes. Charpentier. You. Charisse. Charisse.

It's Charisse. Am I saying that right? That is correct. Charisse. At Charpy Comedy. Correct. How are you doing, buddy? I'm doing great, man.

Fantastic. Thanks for having me back. Of course. Happy to have you back. What has the summer held for you so far? So far, it's been fun. Yeah. It's been hot, I'm going to say.

It's been hot, but nice. Yeah. Good summer. It's probably fun having a car to drive around, huh? It's nice. Yeah, I don't complain. No AC, though. So, you know.

Mine has AC. Mine's great. great yeah mine too i got heated seats i'll just let the two compete for my affection sometimes i put them both on i got the uh i got the shubarus i've been oh god damn boy you're shiver legs just shiver legs dude You're not a lot of that. Just Chevrolegs, dude. Chevrolegs. Oh, boy. Oh, God damn it. The old Volkswagens. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Volks what? Walken. Walken. Walken. There's a way to say walken. Volkswagens. I didn't look over at Ian when I said it.

Why? I thought you were mad at the German. No, I was on board. Oh, okay. Volkswagens. Volkswagens. Yeah. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

Wilkins. Wilkins. Yeah. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. You shouldn't have called attention to it. I'm like the T-Rex, man. I stay perfectly still. I'm never going to lie to you.

It's never going to happen. It's true. I also am recording an album. Same label. I forgot to say Special Thing Records. Same. We're going to be label mates. Special Thing Records. Isn't that to be label mates. Special Thing Records.

Isn't that fun? I'm pretty excited. And I'm doing that in Denver on August 19th. Sunday, August 19th at the Bug Theater. Oh, at the Bug? I didn't know that. That's awesome. It's going to be dope. Three days before Zach's show, so if you were waffling between flying to Portland for a show on the 22nd, which is

unnecessarily far into the week, just take that Monday off and go to Sharp for a show on the 22nd, which is unnecessarily far into the week. Absolutely. Just take that Monday off and go to Sharpie's show in Denver. Denver's beautiful that week. More scenic. Oh, it's going to be great. Denver's beautiful that week. And you might as well still be around for the High Plains Comedy Festival.

Oh, right. We're going to have a live all fantasy everything. It is the next weekend. Oh, that's right. So you might as well just stick around. Stick around. I found out I have that whole week off of work. Well.

I wanted to. So I might go. Oh, come on. Was that? No. Was all of this leading up to that? It was not. It's just the pause felt right.

The pause felt right. I feel like we shouldn't be able to go any further on this episode of the podcast. Sorry, didn't even get to introduce you. What could we possibly do? We have to think of another car word that means walking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That unlocks the rest of the podcast. What could we possibly do? We have to think of another car word that means walking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That unlocks the rest of the podcast. Yeah.

Fidot? Oh, Fidot. Well, we need one that doesn't need any explanation. Ah, yep. Mitsu Fiji. Mitsu Fiji? Mitsu Fiji. Fiji. That's what I namedufichi. There you go. Mitsufichi. Fitsi.

That's what I named my cat. That's not great. Mitsufichi. Toy Toes Yoda. Toes Yoda. Toes Yoda. Man, we all got to leave. Shit.

Go to High Plains. High Plains. That's all the way on there. Also presenting my album recording. So High Plains Comedy Festival Fucking rules Hell yeah We'll all be there

I'll be there Sean will be there David will be there Shane? It's gonna be the dopeest Yeah Shane will be there I believe he'll be there We'll be doing a live

All Fantasy everything I'll be doing a Dying from alcohol We'll be doing both of them Yeah Yeah I'll be doing Sort of a Act like I'm not drunk

When I'm drunk kind of thing We're doing a 100% blood alcohol content 100 we're trying to get to 100 you know if i learned anything from my dad making me watch all those ufcs with tank abbott and dan sebring fuck yeah it's the the altitude is it's just such a killer it really is you know and you really can't fight somebody like tank abbott unless you've been up there training for so long that's what my dad told me. Can't fight the mountain. Did you know? Did you know? And I don't know why you would. Why are you pointing at me so hard?

Because you need to pay attention. Why do you have a jacket on with no shirt under? It's the main question. Dude, he's doing handstand pushups. You had a t-shirt on when you came in here. Did you not? Dave, did you not? He's holding machetes.

Machetes, dude. Machetes. Which is Ally Sheedy's machetes. She makes machetes. The reason is because you're not letting me finish my sentence. Yeah, let him finish. Whoa. Yeah, you piece of shit.

It's on, baby. Get ready. I'm a ball of fire right now. Yeah, now he really doesn't have a shirt on. Yeah, it burnt off. And now I'm going to keep interrupting you. That's fine. Still working on this sentence.

It's not that good. Actually, it is that good. It's worth it. My dad made the mat for that first UFC mat ever. Whoa. No way. Out of town. Really?

Because it was in Denver. Yeah. And they didn't, it was like a weird octazonic shape and nobody knew. That was like Hoist Gracie, Ken Shamrock. Dude, my dad might as well have tattooed these on the back of my neck. From where I was and he was on the couch, he he had a grip on me making me watch these fucking fights. Dude, I loved Tank Abbott back in the day. Oh, he was the best.

He's like Bull Hurley and over the top. And he's like, yeah, I'm a cool guy. You can go to lunch with me. But when we get in that ring, I just want to fucking kill you. You're just like, shit, dude. Don't want to get in that ring with Tank Abbott. Those old school ones are the best where're like guys have like one boxing glove on yeah and you're like what are you doing that guy chemo had a ponytail down to his butt yeah and that was just one guy wears a gi like

a full gi what are you doing people just pulling him around with it this is crazy for like an hour hoist gracie and ken shamrock did. There were no rules at all. They're crazy to watch. Fucking bananas. So go to High Plains. But yeah, my dad made that mat. That's crazy, dude. I like that.

Do I get to meet your dad? No. All right. No, not you. What if you tell him it's going to be Shane and then I show up? Oh, that would be a pleasant surprise. Then yeah, he's going to be excited. He'd be loving it.

Yeah, for sure. Everyone's thrilled when that happens. Yeah, let's do that. You set a low expectation. Put the bar on the ground. All you got to do is walk Everyone's thrilled when that happens. Yeah, let's do that. You set a low expectation. Put the bar on the ground. All you got to do is walk over it. So you're album recording anything else in Vermont? Anything else coming up?

No, that's it. That's the big one. Go to chrissharpentier.com. Buy some tickets. It's not just Chris Charpentier and Sean Jordan in the podcast studio. We're also joined by Dave Ross. Hell yeah. Dave to the Ross on Twitter. Dave to the Ross on Twitter.

Yes. Dave to the Ross on Instagram. Yes, sir. There it is on both cross-platform. Yes, sir. How are you doing, Bobby? Oh, man, I'm doing great. I just came back.

It's your first time over here. Yeah, I'm so excited. I'm a long-time listener, big fan of the podcast. Hell yeah, first-time caller. Long-time listener, first-time caller. I have a lot of hatred in my heart for Shane Torres. Yeah, good. Perfect.

That's the podcast. He gets the podcast. Friend of the show. Friend of the show. You, not Shane. No, no, no, no. Christ on a crutch. Shane, enemy of the state.

Oh, my God. Day of friend of the show. Enemy of every barber he's ever met. Yeah. I've been doing, the past two months, I've been doing all the touring in the world in my car. Oh, yeah. Driving all of it. Yeah, it's been great. And I've been listening to the touring in the world in my car. Oh, yeah. Driving all of it.

Yeah, it's been great. And I've been listening to this show a lot. Oh, that's amazing. So there's been a lot of Shane Torres burns that have gotten me through some tough nights. All they do is make his nights tougher. We're all fine with that. He just sits out there eating soup in the rain Shane Torres Burns Shane Torres Burns is another word for skid marks actually

This might be the heaviest one This is This is really thick It's because we've been off for a month and a half or whatever I know We love you Shane I miss you buddy Buy his album

Buy his album Establish in 1981 Cut off his ponytail Bring it know. And we have it. We love you, Shane. I miss you, buddy. Buy his album. Buy his album. Established in 1981. Cut off his ponytail. Bring it to us and we'll give you $10,000. Here's what we had an idea the other day. When we start this Patreon,

we're going to put the $50,000 mark-ish. And it's going to be, if you pledge $50,000, we will fly you Shane and you get to cut off his ponytail. And we give Shane like 20 grand of that.

He has to do that. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You can't say no to that. That would be, oh, I would do it in a heartbeat. I feel like most of us would say yes to that for far less money. Yeah. Shane, though, he's... Oh, yeah.

He's really... Especially with the ponytail. With the ponytail, it's hard to talk him out of it. We've put the full court press on several times. Although he looks great. He looks good now. I don ponytail, it's hard to talk him out of it. We've put the full-core press on several times. Although he looks great. He looks good now. I don't know what we want to happen. I just want to know.

We might have to have it CGI'd at some point. Oh, man. Like Kurt Douglas? Yeah. Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell is the name I was looking for. Kurt Douglas. Kurt Russell is what I was looking for.

Kurt Heinrich. Sioux City? Sioux City. Why are you bringing up Sioux City, Playboy? You know you're in a fucking house of friends. Talk to me about no goddamn Sioux City over here. Bring up motherfucking Sioux City. They're so much tougher than I am.

Anything people can come see you do? You just got off the road. Yeah, so I don't have a lot, but I am doing 208 Comedy Festival in Boise. Oh, yeah. I might just go for fun, because that is a dope festival. Yeah, we just had Emma on. Oh, yeah. She's the best for fun because that is a dope festival. Yeah, we just had Emma on. Oh, yeah. She's the best

and she runs it so I know it'll be the best. She runs it. She talked like Bumba Cloud when she runs that shit. She runs the king. Come to Boise to run it. I'm also doing Fest

in Gainesville in October which I'm real pumped about. Dope. Nice. That's fun. Yeah, it's great. Is that music and comedy? It's mostly music. It's a punk festival that the No Idea Records people run. Oh, it's great. Is that music and comedy? It's mostly music.

It's a punk festival that the No Idea Records people run. Oh, Ty. Really? It's like Coachella for pop punk. Every year, five of your favorite bands get back together. Bigwig got back together one year. That would be fun. Yeah, it's a blast.

I did it a few years ago, and it's fun as hell. Now that I'm older, especially, where I'd be like, no, I love this. I love this. I don't need to act like I don't. It's like a lot of guys with you with toddlers running around. Their legs, you know what I mean? That's the thing.

It's a punk festival, but everyone who's there is in their 30s. Great. I don't need to worry about getting this shit kicked out of me for one reason or another. Exactly. Also, punks are like that kind of punk

are just like, they're just into it. They're really great listeners. You don't get any heckles or anything at the comedy, even though it's a four-hour comedy show. What? Just solid dudes. It's amazing.

Solid dudes of all shapes, colors, and genres. Sure. That sounds like a dream. Oh, yeah. I'm stoked. I'm Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel Across Platform. Watch my Netflix 15 minutes.

Oh, hell yeah. It's waiting for you to bring it up. It came out a couple days ago. Thank you. Congratulations. It came out last,

well, yeah. Well, if you're listening to this, yeah. It came out last night as we're recording. Yeah. But yeah, it came out a couple

days ago as you're listening. You're on a goddamn billboard. I'm on a billboard? That's so fucking cool. I'm on a billboard. On the Laugh Factory, there's one where

I haven't even performed. I've never gone up there, but they put me on the billboard. God, that's cool. I looked at it a couple times at work today,

just looking like, ah, look at that. Pulling up Netflix, there's fucking Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah. There's my fucking boy Ian Carmel.

That is a great lineup of comics you're in the midst of. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. Me, Jack Knight, CMJ, Michelle Buteau,

Tim Dillon, Taylor Tomlinson, Sabrina Jalise jalees great fucking fly lineup 15 minutes just right just writing just to take you straight up 15 or did you did you run it by i ran i did like about 18 and then we just like polished it or i did one that was straight 15 and then uh because we did tape two sets and for the second one they were like go crazy you know and like do as much as you want so i did like maybe 20 and uh and they chop it up to like 15 and that's not watch it you know i've well anyone listening to this they're gonna watch it tell your friend tell your friends to watch it's not a it's like you it's not like you're saying give an hour you give 15 minutes watch this and you're gonna tell the people you're gonna be

thrilled about it i like that they tape you twice, too. That's great, man. What a fucking cool, right? Because then you do the one. You do the one. Hopefully, you get it in the can. And then the second one, you just go out there and fucking magic fingers. Yeah, man.

If you're listening to this, tonight, I am at the parlor in Bellevue. Goddamn right you are. If you're in the Seattle area, come see me. I'm there tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday see them they're tonight tomorrow and Saturday doing two shows on Friday and Saturday come on out it should be a lot of fun

I've never been to Bellevue before you've been Sean? yeah I've been there that club's fun it's pretty close to Seattle yeah whatever

it's the tech part we're like T-Mobile T-Mobile the tech part you know it's where Cricket Wireless the T-Mobile

the tech world Boost Mobile yeah Radio Shack T-Mobile. The tech part. It's where Cricket Wireless, the T-Mobile. The major conglomerates of the tech world. Boost Mobile. Yeah. Radio Shack is out there. Yeah. That's where- Harman Kardon. What am I?

Zune has their headquarters there. Zune is out there. Zune, yeah. Yeah. Gateway Computers. Sure. Blackberry. Blackberry.

Gateway Computers was actually in Sioux City. Watch your back. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it was like 10 miles actually in Sioux City. Watch your back. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it was like 10 miles out of Sioux City. Oh, wow. They were the ones with the cow. That's why it was cow print.

Yeah. Is that what it was? Yeah, that was Gateway. They were right by Sioux City. Suck dog. Wasn't their headquarters in Texas, though? Am I thinking of a different company? I'm sorry.

Well, let me just ask you this. Let me answer your question with a question. Okay. Did you hear what I just said? Okay, my bad. That's my bad. That's my bad. That's my bad. That's my bad.

We have some shout outs. People have sent it. We have a lot. You have a bunch on your phone here. People have sent it. Just a real quick shout out to the Wet Wizard Sauce Company. Fuck yeah, dude. Which fucking Molly Hart sent us a bunch of bottles of hot sauce. We love hot sauce. Hot sauce.

That shit looks hot. It looks hot.. Hot sauce. That shit looks hot. It looks hot. It looks dope. It's that hot sauce where like stuff is floating in it. Yeah, dude. You know it's good. Where like you shake it up

and it still looks the same. Yeah. Well, I guess it's supposed to be this much. It might be a meal in and of itself, that hot sauce. Marshall's Hot Sauce just sent us a grip. Oh, yeah.

Shout out to Marshall's Hot Sauce as well. Hell yeah. Yeah. Some new flavors. Whiskey Ghost Apple, I think is one of them. Whiskey Ghost Apple. Get the fuck out of here, dude.

I wanted that to be my nickname when I was a Navy SEAL, and nobody would call me that. Really? Whiskey Ghost Apple. You'd think as a Naval SEAL, you'd be able to get people to call you. They kept on calling me Biggest Dick in the Navy SEALs. That's hard to shake. Oh, God. That sucks, man.

That's a hard one to shake. What a terrible... You can't give yourself a nickname. Yep. I tried. It was the Rattlesnake, and nobody would let it ride. Who else do you have? So these, so they're going to be a little bit off, but I'm just going to, I'm going

to do them before they are, before they fall by the wayside. Not that they would, but before they get backed up. So happy birthday to Claude. Okay. Claude, you'll know what that means. Happy birthday, Claude. Tess, your birthday's on August 20th. Now I realize.

That's, we are. I realize that's we are I realize that and hopefully right around then yeah it comes back up but I just happy birthday on August 20th so give it a re-listen shout out to Reed and Rowan two kids sons Reed and Rowan sons of Ryan they're they're two children who uh if I'm getting the email right get get to listen to this. Oh, wow. Like, Oh, you know, something of it or maybe no, you know what?

Yeah. Dad drafts with them when they do road trips. So he listens and he told them the concept. Good. Yeah. I don't have to like, be like, don't do Molly.

That's good. Fucking parenting. Don't do Molly. I'm not holding any right now. Yeah. Uh, Chloe in DC from team Orca shout out. And this goes against my girlfriend's

principles, but sharks are an enemy of the podcast. It was requested that I say that. Sharks? Sharks. No, they're not. I know they're not. No. I know they're not. It was just requested that I say it and then I said it and here we are rebutting it. Some sharks. Me too. Sure. See, now here we are

sitting talking. There's certain bull sharks that I, you know. Sure. Any shark that plans on biting me can go fuck itself. Yeah, that shark can go fuck itself. That shark probably doesn't. Are there sharks that are your friend right away? All of them. Most of them are. Sharks are very nice. Dogfish, nurse sharks, lemon sharks. Yeah. Most of them

are very safe sharks. Turns out I know very little about sharks. The whale shark. Orcas, on the other hand, are vindictive sons of bitches who toss around seals like they're toys and go surfing up on the beaches. This person's an infiltrator. Yeah, yeah. Well, I just wanted us to have a conversation about Chloe.

She had some medical issues, been going through a rough spot, so I think it's fun that we just talked about that for a minute. Was she attacked by a shark? No. Okay, good. I hope not. I didn't dive in and ask the person. I hope not. Listen, Chloe, if you were attacked by a shark? No. Okay, good. I hope not. I didn't dive in and ask the person. I hope not.

Listen, Chloe, if you were attacked by a shark, everything I just said about sharks, I retract and I'm with you on Team Orca.

And Orcas, there are tight Orcas too. Don't get me wrong. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest. You did, right? Whereabouts? Port Oregon.

Well, I was from Beaverton, Oregon, top of the food chain where champions are born, absolutely. And you were born you were born jewish right 100% bar mitzvah and everything i knew that now those things last one and you might know this place thomas squires uh was at a place called denver biscuits and he

said he's gonna send us like some sriracha like jelly yes the denver biscuit company it's great green lights thomas fucking send that to head gum and you know green lights four bottles would be uh wouldn't be for underprivileged. Would it be standard? Yeah. Four bottles? I think it would settle in some nice way.

The standard four bottles. If they only have a bigger box, fill it up, dude. Live life. What are we going to do? Live life. We're going to need a bigger box. Jaws, a movie that also vilified sharks, much like Clover. There's a reference to that in the movie Blow, which I think is set way before Jaws came

out. Am I wrong? I don't know. Jaws was what? 70s? Anyway. Different podcast. We'll bring it up on a movie podcast.

A couple more shout outs to make. Shout out to Jason Dondeen, who sent us, at Jason Dondeen, who sent us a bunch of Halo Top ice cream. Hell yeah. Oh, man. And he also has a cool name. Yeah. Jason Dondeen.

Jason Dondeen. Seriously. Is his last name Dondine or is his middle name Don? Hard to tell, dude. Yeah, for sure. Unless his first name could be Jason Don. Or his whole name could just be Jason Dondine. His first name could be Ja, and then his last name could be Sandondine. Sandondine.

So shout out to Ja Sandondine. What up, Ja? Thank you for the Halo top. Ja will provide, bro. Ja provides. Ja provides the Halo top. Mi banasho de bald heads. Hell yeah, dude.

And then, Sean, do you know the guy's name who sent us all the Call of Duty stuff? Not in my phone. I don't. Because it's not on the... I know because we talked to him before. It's on my computer email and I don't know the password. We're going to shout you out on the next episode. You will get a picture.

The bag has been secured. The loot has been dropped. Yeah, the eagle has landed. The eagle has landed. The boats have pulled up onto the shores of Normandy. Sure. My grandpa's storming out. The cheese has been melted. The cheese has landed. The eagle has landed. Uh-huh. The boats have pulled up onto the shores of Normandy. Sure. My grandpa's storming out. The cheese has been melted.

The cheese has been melted. Mm-hmm. The pigeon has squabbled. Sure. The pineapple has been cut. Evander Holyfield's gloves have been laced. Sure. The eye has been poked.

Yeah. The gauntlet has been thrown. The shark has been defended. Right? The sheep has been sheared. The sheep has been sheared. The sheep has been sheared. The hot sauce has been delivered. The jaw has been sandandined.

Oh. Mother Gaia has been thanked. Mother Gaia has shone brightly upon us. The jaw has been sandined. Excuse me, jaw, if you could sandine me with just a nug, bro. Jaw, if you could sandine. Sandine. Just a nug, bro, if you could jawin me with just a nug, bro. Ja, if you could Sandin. Sandin. Just a nug, bro,

if you could Ja me with one of those. But thank you. We got it. We got all the dope shirts. Marissa thanks you for her shirt. We got hats.

Yeah. We're going to wear them down on Skid Row and hand out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Yeah, absolutely. In the name of Activision. We're going to post up

at a 4th of July party in our Black Ops gear and just tell people we can't really talk about it. They come over and they go, what's your name? And I go, fuck cops, dude. Hands crossed in front of me, by the way. No handshake.

Hands crossed in front of you, pistol and flashlight though, too. That kind of cross at least issue a lot of nothing to see here to people who don't care come see us at again High Plains listen to all fantasy everything

that's about all I have to declare now we're not gathered here today just to talk about Joss Sondheim we're not just here to catch up for 40 minutes not just here to catch up

for 40 minutes we're also here gathered in beautiful HeadGum Studios in scenic downtown Los Angeles. Just a whisper. Just an echoed whisper from Skid Row.

Just a cool breeze. It's one of my tiny pinkies. Ian, I'm over here. That was me. I'm right over here. He's not even shouting. That's him talking. I can hear it. It's pretty close. We're gathered here To draft

Smells Yeah Dude Smells Smells Which is a fucking Tricky Banger of a topic

Sean's having trouble with it Which is crazy Because it's one of the five senses It's like drafting sights Things you saw I was trying I'm trying to bounce On the handlebars a little bit

Just pick five things you saw First of all trying to bounce on the handlebars a little bit. Just pick five things you saw. First of all, I ain't having trouble. Seen. I'm going to ice all you fools. Now, the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. You throw on three.

You throw on three. You throw on shoot. One, two, three, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. One, two, three, shoot. Yeah, and here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh. Sharpie wins. Sharpie wins.

Odd man out wins. Now, before you determine the order. You idiots. Yeah, you suck, dude. You both suck. You fucking morons. I didn't play, so I'm good. Before you determine the order of the draft, I want to remind you it is a serpentine draft.

What exactly is that? Yeah, I have no idea what that would mean. That's a great question. It's funny that you guys should bring that up. Yeah, if only Sean could describe it. you it is a serpentine draft what exactly is yeah i don't i have no idea what that right question yeah it's funny that you guys should bring that up yeah if only sean could describe it yeah well it's almost like we haven't done this in about a month so let's say that uh okay we should have an extra good one let's say that you're on one side of your brain thinking like i can't wait to draft i can't wait to hop right into the picks and then we start playing rock paper scissors and you go to the other side of your brain and you're like,

holy shit, what's a serpentine draft? What's a good example for a serpentine draft? Yeah, yeah. And then you hang out over there for a little bit. And then you're like, Dave and Chris might even forget to bring that up since they're not on as much as David. So then you go back to the side of your brain that wants to draft. And then you start thinking about how you're going to have some troubles

with smells. And maybe you start thinking about how different ways you can describe a smell. But then you go back and you're like, fuck, they're going to have some troubles with smells and maybe you start think about how different ways you can describe a smell but then you go back and like fuck they're gonna want okay some sort of definition so we get it right so like if you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round if i if you felt like if there were a podcast there was just you trying to describe that i would listen to it yeah i remember you getting i remember there was one that i was listening to where you were like, someone actually did not know what it was. And you were like...

Yeah, I think it was Alice. And she's like, how the fuck does that help? You were like, you know if you're writing something down, but then you get to the second line and you decide to write backwards? And you're like, what are you talking about? Why would anyone do that? Why would anyone do that? Yeah.

I would love if we just ambushed you 15 times a day. Like, hey, describe a certain thing. Describe it now. No, no, no, no, no. It's like if I see a man being rude in a bar and I walk up and I go, would you like to get molly whopped with my right or my left? Yeah. How about my left or my right?

How about my right or my left? How about my right or my left? You rude motherfucker. And then I fucking do that thing. A more accurate way is, would you like to get punched with my left, kicked with my left, kicked with my right, or punched with my right? Or what if I have just a serpentine ass beating? Punch, kick, kick, punch, punch, kick, kick, punch, punch, kick, kick. That's how the AFE boys fight.

At one point you hit all, all limbs in the air. You're just up there. Double punch, double kick. That would, that would throw a real interesting angle into a UFC. If they had to fight serpentine style, right.

They had to punch left, kick left, punch right. See if it, if it, if there weren't like real stakes involved and they can do shit like that without, you know,

like forgetting one of their kids names, if they got hit wrong or something, then it'd be fun. But you know, you know, even then it'd be fun, because it's not my kids. Right, I'm saying. Who's... Derek? Chris, what is the order of the draft going to be? Derek? Yeah, I named my baby Derek,

I guess, for some reason. Let's see. I'm going to go first. There it is. And then I think we'll just go counterclockwise. Chris, Dave, Ian, and then Sean Jordan.'ll just go counterclockwise. And then Sean Jordan. All right. I get it.

So we are here to draft smells. But before we do that, we're going to take a quick break. Hey, All Fantasy Everything listeners. Do you like smelling good, looking good, or even feeling good? Well, if so, I've got great news for you. Dollar Shave Club has a lot of stuff to help you look your best, feel your best, and yo, smell your best. If you're listening to this episode especially, you know how important it is to have a good smell associated with you, and Dollar Shave Club is going to get you there.

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Seriously. They're going to hook you up. You're going to love it. You're going to be so glad you did it. Dollarshaveclub.com slash allfantasy. And we're back. Hey. Yeah.

We're back. Hey. Yeah. We're back. Also, so the guy who sent us from Activision, Brian Erich. Hell yeah. E-H-R-I-C-H. Erich.

Erich. It could be Erich. Erich. But I'm gonna say Erich. I believe you. Brian Erich. Yeah. Yeah.

Shouts to you, man. Thank you for the, thank you for the fucking goodie bag. I just put one of the hats on down there. It makes me look tough. Does it? Yeah, which is crazy. I like that. It's of the hats on down there. It makes me look tough. Does it? Yeah, which is crazy. I like that.

It's going to take a lot more than a hat to make you tough. Some Sioux City shit. I guess we are back, aren't we? Oh, we're back, baby. We never left. That's true. Sharpie's a pug. Is there anything less intimidating than a snort bite?

Before we get too far in, it's been a minute. So we've been reading a lot of these emails. I almost just started crying right there. We've been reading a lot of these emails and DMs that we get. And thank you for sending those in. It just reminded me when I said Sharpie. Because we call, you know, your nickname is Sharpie. I remember the first time I met you was at High Plains.

And it was such a, people listen to this as like a good vibe situation. And it was such a, so I walked up to Sharpie and I was like, hey, man, like I'm a pretty big fan. It's kind of crazy that, you know, that I get to meet you. And he goes, dude, I'm like, I'm a fan of you. And I don't think I'd ever had anyone that I thought was cool, like say that to me, you know? Yeah. And we're just like, oh, shit, cool. And then we were just friends, right? It was such a fun. Who did that happen with? That's really great. Sharpie. Sharpie. that to me, you know? Yeah. And we're just like, oh, shit, cool. And then we were just friends, right?

It was such a fun- Who did that happen with? That's really great. Sharpie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was the best. Yeah.

Right at High Plains. It was the year where you were there and I wasn't, and I was sitting on the couch tweeting about it, and Ian texts me. He's like, I'll get you a plane ticket, but I will get it right now. You have to do it right now. Yeah.

Because I just didn't have money to come out. And then I came out, hung out with all my friends. What? And it was fucking awesome. The out. And then I came out and hung out with all my friends. And it was fucking awesome. And you have another wonderful came out and this is fucking, this is just also cool. This is great. I'm thrilled about it.

Hell yeah. High planes is going to be the fucking best. I can't wait. Might die. Might have to call it die plans. Now I'm thinking maybe I'll go to that just to hang out. Just to die with us. I wish I were dead. You came and hung out last year and then

ended up doing my show because you're the best yeah that was fun okay so I'm going first on the clock with the first pick in the all fantasy everything smells rap god I'm so fucking pumped I'm really excited

first let me just say I'm honored there's a lot of good smells out there. There really are. And I'm very excited I get to go first. Is it Shane? Are you going to pick Shane? No, I'm going with something that smells much sweeter than Shane. Gasoline.

Damn. That's my number one pick. Crazy. I love it. Crazy. You went nuts on the first pick. Well, because that smell includes getting high. It's the best smell

ever. There is nothing that gets you fired up like getting a little bit of gas on your hands when you're pouring. Ian did just touch on it, but is that your way of bringing up Daddy Yankee? Is that why you drafted Gasolina? Gasolina? Tengo Gasolina! Until he did that, I had no idea what

the fuck you were talking about. Daddy Yankee is that guy's name? He's Puerto Rican Father John talking about. Daddy Yankee is that guy's name? He's Puerto Rican Father John Misty. Daddy Yankee. Wow, that is such a terrible name. It's Daddy Yankee. Daddy Yankee. What was that? Oh, yeah, that's a terrible name. Anyway. Gasoline.

There's nothing like the vapor even, but being burned, especially in an outdoor... You don't mind it when it's on your hand like when you leave you're like oh tight I kind of smell like gasoline oh how could you find it

I'm so into it don't mind when I I mean I've been known to drip a little maybe a drip or two on the hand and then just spend the rest of the time driving home

is that true no but I would you know I just I would do that in a heartbeat but you waft it oh yeah

I definitely I definitely when I'm filling up the car, let a couple drop on the ground. Sure. Just to get that waft of it. You betcha. I just open my car door and just spray that shit inside the car. Just soak the passengers in with it. I'm a smoker, dude.

Yeah, my life is fucked up. Riding with Dave is an adventure. Yeah, it's crazy. My car is always filled with gas and on fire. It's intense. You got one of those Mad Max cars that only made a metal, so it doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't matter at all.

Totally. You can use it in a carpool and nobody stops it. And I wake up in the morning, I cover myself in flour and then I, you know, I like tie myself to some, you know, the rest of the Mad Max. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You play an electric guitar. And then from January to April, you do a lot of people's taxes. That's what you do in your off time. Then you cut loose. Oh, totally. Then April, you do a lot of people's taxes. That's what you do

in your off time. Then you cut loose. Oh, totally. Then you cut loose with the rest of the year. Exactly. Yeah. You got to be in Glendale

four months of the year and work for H&R Block. H&R Block. And then you go out to the desert and you fight people. Water Wars. With your car.

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Water Wars, bro. Water Wars, yeah. Water Wars. LA is crazy. LA is crazy

it's a little different down here with the whole showbiz it really is it really puts a different spin on it there's a lot of stuff that people don't tell you before you move out here everyone says Joshua Tree's so nice

but I'm just out there fighting people yeah water wars yeah water wars the water wars you don't have a

refrigerator in most apartments there's a lot of shit people don't tell you that is crazy oh yeah that part is crazy that most places don't cover the fridge. Gones and Campy and Mahalia, their place they moved into, didn't have a fridge.

That was the first time I ever heard... Do you know the story about our fridge? Can you please tell it? I don't think Ian knows. You don't know this? No. That's why I was pointing at you. We've talked about this, I guess, already, but Sharpie and I lived together, and my last place we didn't live together, and I was moving out.

And the fridge in my old place I owned. And we were broke. So just Sharpie and I moved it out, and I had a really old apartment. Pertineer, how long did that take? It took like six hours total. And we broke my AC in the old place, and it almost crushed us coming down the stairs. We had to take the entire thing apart, the railing off the wall and the door off the hinges.

And the door off the house. It sounds so bummer. So we finally, we get it into the moving truck and we move it into the place and then we get it set up in our new place and we're like, ah, but it was worth it. We did it. We have a fridge. And then the next day I found out that that was not my fridge. Oh God. It was my landlord's fridge. I stole my landlord a fridge. And then the next day, I found out that that was not my fridge. Oh, God.

It was my landlord's fridge. I stole my landlord's fridge. Oh, God. That's fucking terrible. Did you just pay him for it, or did you bring it back? Well, here's what's real fucked up. I did not pay him for it. He wouldn't let me.

He's technically right about this. If you move a fridge, they're very delicate. They can break in the move. So it's not that he didn't let me, but he was like, you you move a fridge, they're very delicate. They can break in the move. Sure. So it's not that he didn't let me, but he was like, you can move it back, but it might break. And then you'd have to buy another one. And I was like, he's right. So I just bought them a whole new fridge.

Kyle Ayers lives in that apartment. And every time I see him, he's like, dude, loving the fridge. Great fridge. Does the block ice or it'll crush it for you that's fantastic I didn't know that last part it's definitely a better fridge

it's a superior fridge in every way you also left out that during that process you hit your head so hard oh yeah did you

dude he hit his head so hard that I didn't laugh you know what I'm talking about it was like oh oh, shit. It was bad in so many ways. I smashed my head. Oh, and here's the thing. The reason I

smashed my head is that it was a fridge that has like, it plugs into the water supply of the house to create water, and I wasn't thinking about that, so I just leaned down and unscrewed the thing and sprayed water all over the kitchen. And then while I was trying to fix it, smashed my fucking head.

Oh my God. It was like a Three Stooges movie, dude. It was ridiculous. And that should be so funny. Yeah. Yeah. It's certainly funny now. But he hit his head so hard it wasn't funny.

Yeah. Oh my God. I'm definitely getting a good chuckle out of it now. Yeah. It was worth it for that. Yep. Yeah. Fucking hilarious.

Fucking LA. The story that cost me 500 bucks. No, LA, bro. I think I also had to get another fridge, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You had to buy two fridges.

Well, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep the original one. That's right. That's right. And that fridge sucks, dude. It does suck. It's so funny.

It leaks water all over. And we have no idea where the water is coming from. It's not. There is no part of the house that puts water into it. And for two years, it has been pouring water into our kitchen. You're like, I didn't hook water up to this anyway. Where is it coming from? There's no water coming into it.

It doesn't make any sense. Condensation? I guess. Must be. It has to be. That's the kind of shit we're like in. So let's, you know, I hate to bring up Sioux Falls all's the kind of shit We're like in So let's You know

I hate to bring up Sioux Falls all the time Let's say you're in Sioux Falls No you don't I know you're right I don't You do not

That's why I had a huge Smile on my face I love bringing it up You'd be like I'm gonna call a plumber It'll cost 30 bucks Or whatever To have them look at it

Or you know a plumber You just got a plumber Yeah You know somebody Who just does that They come over And they fucking turn something In LA It just They're like Well no I live in Malibu So I'm not gonna You always just had sex With a plumber. You know somebody who just does that. They come over and they fucking turn something. In LA,

they're like, well, no, I live in Malibu. You always just had sex with a plumber last night. I live in Malibu. There's a show. Malibu Plumber. Oh, yeah. We gotta write that up. Stuck over here with my girlfriend Scarlett Johansson, so I can't come out to your

house because it's LA. Somebody flushed a bottle of Riesling down the toilet. We gotta going to get it out. Including the bottle. Yeah, exactly. It's the bottle. It's an empty bottle of Riesling. It's the bottle. That's what they say on the show.

You know why you flushed a bottle down the toilet? You wanted to! Gasoline, dude! It smells good! It smells really good. As a youth, I loved it. it as a youth as an adult i loved it yeah as a kid the smell of a like an outdoor or an outboard oh yes oh yeah the fumes oh baby that is all of my childhood that's like the only thing i remember of my childhood which is probably because i smelled too much gasoline.

I don't smell anything else. I've never huff-huffed it. I did once. No, I never did. I never did it either. You did once? I did once. You did like in a paper bag, like huffed it?

Or whatever. Well, even dumber, but yeah. We just poured it in a bowl. Because we were like 15. And just put your face above the bowl and just. Yeah, and then put a towel over your head. Oh, right. And then, so it just all was right there.

So you just inhaled it. And then you just breathe until it feels like your lungs are going to bleed. And then I passed out and fell through a glass table. Nice. Nah. Yeah, you probably shouldn't do it. I only did it once. That was actually the day we were moving the fridge.

I didn't help much with the fridge. It turned out it wasn't even a glass table. I didn't help much with the fridge. I was more on wasn't even his glass table. I didn't know much about his fridge. I was more on the huffing gasoline part of that. Yeah, it probably would have only taken a couple hours had I helped. If I wasn't huffing gasoline with a wet towel around my head. I just like to say he helped.

He was crazy. Yeah. And that's why it's especially crazy he didn't laugh when I hit my head. Yeah. He was all fucked up on gas. He was in the paranoid part at that point. yeah and that's why it's especially crazy he didn't laugh when i hit my head yeah yeah he was all fucked up on gas he was in the paranoid part of that point uh gasoline excellent first pick dave ross your first pick uh the smells draft your first pick on afe ever yes uh and

okay here's the thing i don't entirely know how to say this yeah i don't know um i think the most succinct way to sell it is like the smell of the person you're dating oh you know what i mean like yeah because like like it's weird like i feel like every woman i've dated and and women i know uh there are different fragrances that they wear but there's another fragrance that there's another thing you smell when you get up at their neck. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's always very specific to that person. And it's always, you learn it the first time you hook up and you've never smelled it unless you hook up with that person.

And then it's on the pillowcases. It's on their clothing. It's for the pheromones. And if you go away, you come back, it's one of the on the pillowcases. It's on there. It's the clothing. It's for the pheromones. And if you go away, you come back. It's one of the first things you notice. Well, I notice it because I have Nicole written in blood on a lot of my stuff. Yeah, yeah. Right.

For you, it's the smell of blood. Right. It's fear sweat from hoping the cops don't notice. Yeah, it's blood mixed with the smell of Serge Tankian. Yeah. Well, as a good Catholic, I don't know what that smell is. You don't know what people smell like? Yeah, it smells a lot like gasoline.

I'm kidding. It doesn't. Oh, dang it. This is a good smell. Well, I'm just going to be waiting. It's always been shocking to me, too. I'm always like, how are you, just as a person, able to smell like apricot all the time? What is this?

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah. And then other people, sometimes when someone I'm dating and it's not right, they'll smell not right too. Oh, interesting.

I think it's a weird mental thing. That is crazy. That's when you dated Serge Tanky. That's when me and Serge were going out. Everything else was good, but I'm like this. This is my body. Trying to tell me you don't want,

you didn't want to. You know? So I got out of there. And why did you jump ship? And why did you get out of there? I wanted to. There you go. Perfect.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I wanted to. I'm so glad you said that. Otherwise, I would have felt really stupid. Like, God, I really set you up. What do you mean, Chris? What do you mean? I just said. I told to. I'm so glad you said that. Otherwise, I would have felt really stupid. Like, God, I really set you up. What do you mean, Chris? What do you mean? I just said.

I told you. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? How are you? What do you mean? All. Deserve to.

Die. Triple bass. The only triple bass pedal. Hi, Serge. Hi! Hello! Oh, my God. Hello.

Oh, boy. Hello. I just wanted to say hello. When, like like they go to Zan Cow Chicken you know one of them orders he's like I'll take a chicken

tartar plate he wanted to he wanted to I'll take a falafel plate he wanted to why'd you get the chicken on the gyro I wanted to

why'd you get the chicken on the gyro it was perfect that's just their conversation at the table why'd you get the chicken on the Euro? It's perfect. That's just their conversation at the table. Why'd you get the chicken on the Euro? I wanted to. After they order, they're eating it. Why'd you get the chicken on the Euro?

I wanted to. Why'd you put the hot sauce on the chicken? I wanted to. I don't think that bathroom is unlocked I'm sweating dude yeah it's cooking I mean

yeah the smell of someone you date I've had people where they're like it was just like this isn't right yeah and a lot of it was based on the smell and I don't know if that's a you know

causation or correlation or whatever yeah it's fucking interesting but yeah you gotta smell your lack. I have some clothing at Laura's house in Portland. Hell yeah.

I mean, damn. I mean, goddamn, yeah. Please, someone say something after that so I just don't seem like the guy who says, you gotta smell your lack. Goddamn, you gotta smell your lack. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Good Christian man, you know. God-fearing, red blood in your veins.

I pay my taxes. What is the dang thing wrong with that? Not a goddamn thing. Not at all. Not at all. Not a goddamn thing. Sometimes I like to just sort of scrape, just scrape a little bit with a bottle around her neck. Yeah, get some of her skin.

Yeah, and then rub that on me. Right. She's not sleeping, but she ain't awake at this point i've already collected a lot of her clothes and then i pretend to be her yeah yeah you know wait what hey man you gotta smell you like there's nothing wrong with that yeah dig a hole in my basement and uh you know yeah make it impossible to escape from. Sure, a smell you like. I don't smell. I'm a guy who smells.

Smell you like. Ain't nothing wrong with the smell you like. Got a van with doors that only open from the outside. You don't smell. It keeps the smell out. You don't want the smell opening the door. For God's sake. For the love of Pete.

Cheese. Cheese. Cheese and rice over here. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese and rice over here. Cheese and rice. All right. The smell of the person you're dating. Excellent pick. Excellent pick.

Chris, one day you'll experience it. Sean, when you get married, you too. Yeah, yeah. It's time for my first pick. I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a weird insult. That was a...

I'm going to pick Burning Cedar, specifically Cedarwood. Absolutely. Ooh, I love it. Maybe even just... I love Cedar when it's not burning, and then when it's burning, it's like... Oh, my God. Oh, there's nothing like it. That's a great pick.

That's on the list for sure. It smells woodsy. It smells like... It puts me in a mood. Yeah. Like a fun, I'm usually pretty stoked, but that gets me like, oh, we're camping stoked.

We're outside. It's the kind of smell you're like, my whole family's here. But I'm not sweating it. I don't care. I can do what I want. My whole family's here. They're doing their thing. One of them's tuning an acoustic guitar. My Uncle Bill Jordan, who has an album released. released oh really yeah he can play the boxer pretty well

that's the perfect song to play when there's burning cedar it's perfect and my dad in mesh shorts with a freshly buzzed head right after he fired the tried to fight the guy that owns a hotel at the family reunion that we were at my dad just looking over like, fuck you, Bob. That's true. There is something about the smell of like a campfire too that's super relaxing. Yeah. You just know you're like, I don't got shit to do for the next whatever three days.

Which is a real flip from what it used to smell like probably because it used to smell like we have to make it through the night. Or yeah. Totally. Like it smells like thank God we found this wood. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Like, it smells like, thank God we found this wood. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Because we haven't eaten solid food in a while.

Otherwise, we would have had to kill and sleep inside the horse. Yeah. Again. And now here we are just opening up packages of hot dogs, being like, ah, some of these look shitty. I'm going to throw them on the ground before I cook them. This just means we got nothing to do tonight. But it does now.

That's exactly what it means now. Nothing. Nothing to do but chill, drink 18 beers. Yeah, they didn't even know what malt liquor was back then, I'll tell you. There's a whole category of things like that, like having hot chocolate in your hand. There's just something about that where it just takes me to a, even if I'm so busy, like this is a break right now. Yes.

Yeah. Like things that give you a moment of pause. Yeah. For sure. And like that nice burning cedar, you just know that there's a long moment of pause Yeah For sure And like that nice Burning cedar You just know that There's a long moment

Of pause coming up Oh yeah Hours and hours of pause That might be the rest Of the night of pause So you go to sleep Totally No one's burning cedar

When they got a meeting To go to No God You ever been at those Like someone will have A party I'm fucking three minutes

Late already I want a light I just gotta smell this cedar Before I get to this pitch I mean in your car you could You could burn a whole thing of cedar Well it's always on fire But it does still smell like gasoline

It's just overpowering No matter how much cedar you throw in there We actually hold up Shane's headshot To light our fires He's got a smoldering look. It's just that smoldering good look. Yeah, that is a headshot.

In a clearing stands Shane Torres, a comedian by his trade. By his album. He is squinting in a picture. Burning Cedar. I love it. I have a, this company polar shout out to polar shout out to that guy back uh they made they made this stuff called i forget what it's called

like can't oh camp cologne which was just like little pieces of cedar you could light and like put it in like a dish in your room fucking smells like or you could like uh what it's supposed to be is like if you're out camping and you stink, you can just like smudge yourself with it and then you smell like cedar. It's amazing. I might light some up tonight.

I'd be stoked about it when we, well, anyway. Light it up. Light it up. Sean, it's time for your first pick.

Your fucking face. That was bad what I just said. That was funny. Light it up. I've been saying funny shit all night and then I say that.

When you said that, I wish everybody could have just seen your face. I'm sure how disappointed you were right after you said it. I mean, it's been pretty good up until now. Oh, boy. It's like somebody just dropped something on your foot. So my first smell that I'm going to pick, and I'm going to pick it, A, because it's one of my favorite smells, not probably my favorite smell, but I also don't want any of you to pick it.

Sure. It's weed. Yeah. The smell of weed. And also don't want any of you to pick it. Sure. It's weed. Yeah. The smell of weed. And I don't smoke weed. Huh. And it's one of my absolute favorite. I love it.

I love being around people that smoke weed all the time. Just because David's not here, I'm going to do this on his behalf. God damn it, Sean. Yeah, well, fuck it. This is the one where I do it. God damn it, Sean. Fuck you, David. You don't even smoke it.

You don't even smoke it. I know I don't, but you, David. You don't even smoke it. You don't even smoke it. I know I don't, but I like it. You don't even smoke it. And here's where I have to fucking curl up. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. All right, fuck me. I'm sorry.

It is crazy because I had no idea that I was going to have to kill you before the end of the day. He fucking doesn't even smoke weed. Chris told me in the car his last four picks were weed. They're all weed. Different strains of weed. Chris told me in the car his last four picks were weed. They're all weed. Different strains of weed. And now I can't you just put the fucking blanket over all the weed? You son of a bitch. You monster. Do you prefer... Oh, you were gonna pick different

strains of weed? Yeah, for my last four picks. You don't even know that. You don't even know that they smell different. You don't even know that! You don't even know it! You're no fucking weed sommelier. I'm not claiming to be over here. Yeah, you should leave it to the sommeliers. It smells amazing.

It smells amazing. Do you prefer a smoked weed or an unsmoked weed smell? Unsmoked. Yeah, me too. Yeah, that smells great. I prefer it. You prefer it? I prefer it to not be a joint.

Smoked! I prefer it to not be a joint! I prefer the smell of weed on smoke! Oh, what am I talking about? I prefer to smell weed unsmoked. Unsmoked weed. How about I say that'll be my official. Now it's not weed.

I like to smell weed on. Smoke. It just smells great. I think it smells great. There's a, there's a big part of me that wants to be able to smoke weed. So I feel like when I, when I'm around,

you know, that smell and I'm doing what I do, drinking the whiskey or however it goes, I feel like I'm still, I'm as relaxed as the people that are smoking it. Sure. I think it smells great. And I think it also reminds me of, I feel like a lot of these are going to be like nostalgia or like put you in a different place. Sure.

But it reminds me of, sounds so fun fun but like just growing up and everybody's smoking weed and being around it like i got some stuff back at the crib you gotta smell you're gonna love it yeah yeah i need to smoke some i mean i smoke i'm a grade a stoner and i my favorite time to smell weed is when i don't expect it like when i'm just walking around and i'm like what is that what about when you're like driving on the freeway and you smell weed somehow and you're like where the fuck oh totally blue weed into the car that's What about when you're driving on the freeway and you smell weed somehow and you're like, where the fuck? Oh, totally. Who blew weed into the car? That's usually coming from Mike.

I mean, actually, you know this, Sean. When you come to our apartment, you walk up the front steps and you walk down that hallway, you smell weed the entire walk. Yeah. A lot of days. I play on Nerd Cool when I walk to your apartment. I play Nerd or Cool. Oh, sure.

Oh, Nerd, Nerd, Cool, Cool, Cool. Which Nerd, Nerd, Cool, Cool. It's cool, cool, cool. Which nerd, nerd, cool, cool. It's cool, cool, cool the whole way. It's mostly cool. It's almost exclusively cool. I meet a couple nerds when I get to your guys' spot. Oh! Neither here nor there.

Fuck you! Neither here nor there. Sick of this shit. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude. Not cool, dude.

That's pretty harsh dude you ever fucking show up in Irvine this is fucking Irvine or Laguna dude I got that shit on lock dude it's like a lot a lot more tight

out there way more tight it's like way more tight though my bros will fuck you up dude I like those dudes they're funny dude they're very funny they're very positive

they're a lot of fun. Yeah. But they will throw down. Yeah. But only if someone's actually being a dick, generally. A lot of those old skater dudes who grew up in Venice and Laguna, San Clemente, that's just their whole... They just talk like that, which is crazy.

That life, dude, is so romantic to me. Oh, dude. Imagine... They have a cool dog and a wife. Yeah. They wear shorts past their jeans. Yeah. They're weird.

Yeah. And they have like a goatee with mustache. Yeah. Leg tattoo. And slick back hair. And they're always wearing a tank top. One of them has a backwards hat over his eyebrows. Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. There it is. And they love Strung Out still. Yeah. Yeah. Strung Out is. You don't yeah strung out is you don't know strung out i don't it wouldn't be a snapback is the only yeah it'd be it would probably be one of

the fuck ups that's a solid color all the way across yeah yeah the smell of weed i'm tired of that life if i can man totally god the smell of weed dude yeah it's a great pick yeah it is great pick uh have fun googling the rest of your picks what's Yeah. It's a great pick. Yeah, it is. It's a great pick. Have fun Googling the rest of your picks. What's your second pick that you have no actual experience with? Movie theater popcorn.

Oh, that's a good one. A lot of experience with that. Chris, wipe that fucking look off your face, bro. Keep being mad at me for picking weed. I'm not.

Movie theater popcorn. You know when movie theater popcorn is really good? When you're high? You fucking piece of shit. You've never even tasted good popcorn. You think I've never smoked? You've never movie theater popcorn's really good? When you're high? You fucking piece of shit. You've never even tasted good popcorn. You think I've never smoked?

You've never tasted good popcorn. Are we going to get into the territory where I don't know what it's like to be high? Because I've smoked weed. Well, you don't know what it's like to be high for the past 30 years, you piece of shit. To sing the blues. Not if you haven't smoked weed. Yeah, you don't know what it's like to be the bad guy. You don't know what it's like to be the bad guy Yeah I don't

You don't know what it's like to be the sad guy Yeah I guess You've never really Behind these eyes You've never really taken a shower Yeah I guess I guess I haven't drank enough to do any of this Nope

Stone shower Having done both a stone shower You know what's You know what's really cool too About drinking Is when you're stoned Sure Drinking's fun too

That's the only time it's fun Yeah we've got a couple hours to kill I guess we could have you being a baby the whole time. Damn, dude. I guess that's what people want to listen to. How much butter do you want on that movie theater popcorn? I put, and I like to get on occasion that flavored, that weird butter. They'll have like nacho cheese butter.

That they have like in the back? It's like 50 cents. It's a dust, not a butter, right? It turns into a butter. They'll have nacho cheese butter. That they have in the back? It's like 50 cents. It's not a butter, right? It turns into a butter. Doesn't it liquefy a little bit? I don't know what you're talking about. I only know the seasonings. Well, maybe it's seasoning.

Maybe they have flavored butter. I have been to ones with flavored butter. I'm talking about the seasonings. I know I am. Shitload of butter and just like ranch seasoning. When I was into more EDM, I listened to the dust butters a lot. Oh, hell yeah, dude.

Love dust butters. Yeah, they're just in Vegas now. Yeah, they're... Yeah, just off the strip. Yeah, they got a residency. Yeah, totally. They're on the old strip. You know what's hella good on popcorn

is brewer's yeast. What's that? Brewer's yeast or nutritional yeast. Really? Yes. Really? It's so fucking good.

It's crazy. I've never even heard of that. Where do you get brewer's yeast? You can get it at like, it usually goes by nutritional yeast, but it's both things for the same thing.

You get it at Whole Foods or whatever, but you just like sprinkle a little bit on. So like if I were to have money? Yeah, well. Like if I were to write it, James Gordon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think it's, yeah, yeah. First, you definitely got to get a job at James Gordon. But like, I don't think it's that expensive. Cause like, I always had it. Like, I know it's not expensive. You can get it, but like, you might not be able to get it at Ralph's, but you might be able to.

It's just like a. How did you find this out? Did you just have it at your house? My hippie older sister used to do it. No way shout out to jessica blaylock she's put nutritional yeast on everything god she's awesome and it's just fucking so good and it's good on a lot of things it's good it's like kind of an umami flavor it's delicious okay yeah what is what is that umami flavor what does that mean uh it's like a savory so like you know the way like ramen broth tastes yeah basically yeah it's like a little bit of that but it's like a savory. So like, you know the way like ramen broth tastes basically?

Yeah. It's like a little bit of that, but it's like a dry flaky sort of powder you put on there. Thrilled about it. It's really good. Gets your mouth watering. It's delicious. My mouth watering's right now. Great.

Seriously. I will say, and maybe this is controversial, but I, uh, I love the smell of popcorn. Don't really like the taste. Really? Yeah. Love the smell. Like going into a movie theater, you're totally right on the money. It's like, oh, it's such a good smell. And then I'm like the taste really i love the smell like going into a movie theater you're totally right on the money it's like oh it's such a good smell and i'm like i

never want well because that's what i would say i love the smell of movie theaters but that's what it is is popcorn that's all it smells like so that's what i was shooting for is that's where it takes me as i smell that and i'm like now especially the older i get i enjoy the ritual of a movie i never thought i'd enjoy buying stuff at a movie theater yeah now i like buying popcorn we were at a i bet i've told this on here before you know i went to a movie i just pointed at him pretty hard for those of you listening i just pointed at him like he was about ready to say like this didn't happen i was like yes it fucking did we went to a movie and ian looked up and he something like this but he goes so is your large popcorn really 11 50 and and Ian looked up and he, something like this, but he goes, so is your

large popcorn really 11.50? And the kid goes, yeah. And he goes, I guess I'll have an $11.50 bucket of popcorn. And then we went and watched like Zero Dark Thirty or something. Yeah, something like that. Oh, wow. The thing about the large is they'll let you refill it, but boy, it's a long road to get there.

My mom takes it and so much popcorn. My mom will refill it and take it back to the crib. It's so... That's good thinking. Yeah, is it though? It's the only way to make the... I don't know if it's the best thinking. Because then you eat up popcorn with... You had a big dinner and it was all popcorn.

The thing to do is to everybody bring a bowl with them. And then you just like... She'll get those cup trays like those those drink holders or whatever pass those out like trays or trashy dude and then

and then the smuggled candy comes out. That's smart. Well, yeah. That's smart is what that is. Thank him. That's thank him. Movie theater popcorn.

Delicious popcorn. It's time for my second pick. Can't be any kind of weed. It's not going to be any kind of weed. Say it every time to every person. Don't forget, you can't pick weed. No weed.

I took it. All right. I got to go full-blown basic bitch with this, I guess. Oh, dude. I do. All mine are pretty basic. Just cook and bacon. Oh, yeah.

Just cook and bacon in the other room. How could you not? Dude. If anything in the real, you remember back in old cartoons where like a smell would like have a cloud and it would turn into a finger and like give you the cup of the finger thing? Yeah. Talk like grab you by the nostrils and you float into the other room. Yeah, you float in.

Totally. If anything does that, it's fucking bacon. And I would play American bacon. Yes. Because I said bacon and Marissa, you got excited too. But when I said bacon, did you think Canadian bacon or american bacon you thought american bacon for those of you in the episode marissa's actually said fuck you ian i'm never gonna do another one of these episodes she was off mic so nobody was off mic but yeah we'll add it in later yeah we'll have shane do a voice added in bro scarlett johansson's

voice uh marissa uh it's another one of those smells that has like a long tail to it where you like smell that you think of like oh shit this is like back when like the whole family was under one roof and you smell that you go downstairs and it'd be like a sunday breakfast yeah or something like that and uh yeah it's just like very evocative plus it just smells so so good fucking good it reminds me of being in a good mood in the morning yeah which is not it's kind of rare you know when you wake up and immediately in a good mood yes but bacon will do that to you i might need to cook breakfast to get one of these days it's been a minute it's been a minute i might cook breakfast tonight yeah oh dude that's the best i got bacon at the house i've been doing a thing lately i uh uh reaching out to people i haven't seen in a while and inviting

one or two of them over and making them breakfast that's a great idea we should all do i'll make i would love to make you guys breakfast soon sweetheart yeah i love it here it's so much fun to do and it's easy to do there's no like they're not gonna like this because you can't really mess up breakfast well the thing is getting people over well you mean cooking breakfast at any time of the day or like like 11 a.m like real easy time yeah i like to think we're grown up enough where that can happen like yeah i'll make it over there by 11 11 is yeah if you can't make 11 we're not hanging out no that's an issue we gotta at least be able to hang out at 11 a phase of our lives we did what we were gonna do with our friendship

and now it's done I like making a fried egg sandwich that's a fun way to do it with some sharp cheddar on there I've been scrambling up eggs with a bunch of random vegetables and either chorizo

or soyrizo and one of those two just makes everything amazing. It's such a strong flavor. It just turns everything delicious. Yeah. And it's so strong. Then you could put like something mellow and cool with it, which like takes care of the under notes.

Like if you do an avocado and chorizo. Yes. You know, something to cut through it. That's the best combo. Absolutely. Avocado and chorizo. Yeah, like make an egg scramble with chorizo in it, slice up some avocado, put it on top.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm listening. Yeah, bacon, but bacon. I fucking love the smell of it. There's nothing quite like it. Hell yeah. That was my number one pick, and then I decided to pick gasoline. Those are two of the big ones.

I can't believe I got bacon on the comeback. I know. But, David, it's time for your second pick. All right. I'm thinking on the comeback. I know. Yeah. But David, it's time for your second pick.

All right. I'm going to go with, there's one of two. I don't know what you want to do right now. Okay. This is a little bit more, it's a smell, but I'm going to add something more specific. Sure. The smell when someone's barbecuing damn it but you can't find it oh i think the fact that you can't find it by the way that got her pretty well makes it even smell even better you know where is that where is this where the fuck's the barbecue

griffith park is huge where's the barbecue where is? I will find this person and kill them for their steak. That happens to me every day at work. Really? I bet. I can just smell it somewhere in the neighborhood, and it's like, oh, my God, somebody's making burgers. Burgers do carry. And I will say the smell to me is specifically burgers on a charcoal grill. Yeah.

That smell. You can hear it sizzling sometimes, but you can't see it. Well, then there's the mix, too, of the charcoal in there, like the grilling factors, not just the thing that's being grilled. It's just fucking perfect. It is. That's a super... I'm also on the list.

Everything that everybody said is on the list so far. You're going to pick barbecued weed? Yep. Yeah. Yeah, you haven't heard of that strain, Sean. That's a real strain. I've heard of crunkleberry. It smells just like barbecue.

I've heard of crunkleberry junior. And then, you know, shitty dish weed. Crunkleberry's revenge. Yeah. Too crunkle, too berry. Crunkleberry 2.0. I should have actually clarified. When someone's barbecuing and you can't find it

is an indica. Yeah. It is a type of weed. it is a type of weed it is a type of weed it is it's the it's the longing the longing for it it always enhances it same with the bacon when because you didn't make the bacon yes oh no in this scenario yeah being woken up by bacon yeah that's the yeah it's because if you're by the stove it sometimes it's a little too strong. Yeah. You feel like, oh my. Well, you're also worried about it. Yeah.

And that sort of takes your, you're not even thinking about the smell. It's popping up. Yeah. It's like attacking you. Yeah, totally. It's like being in my car. Yeah, yeah. You guys can't see it, but you can see it.

Yeah. Ian was doing a good. It was good. It's like beat. Popping up. His face was doing. No. Get away from me.

His face is doing what that system of a down song sounds like You wanna know Oh my gosh Distant BBQ And it always gets you by surprise That's why I think And it hits you hard by surprise You're like what the hell

Oh man Those are like lizard brain smells where it just hits you on a primal level and you're just like I want it you just do I want it right now

that was a good pick I wanted to why'd you eat all that barbecue I wanted to I wanted to like her girl that real... Why'd you eat all that barbecue? I wanted to. I wanted to. I wanted to, Laker girl. That's the last sentence in the book, dude. I wanted to.

Why'd you walk out the door that day? I wanted to. I wanted to. Last scene in the movie, dude. Why'd you put the chicken in the Euro? I wanted to. I wanted to. I want to do. I want to do.

I want to do. That really gets me. It's just a shadow way. That was the end of the movie. It's a Scorsese joke, by the way. Kristen, it's time for your second and your third picks, as it is a serpent's ear. It's just a shadow way.

Okay. let's see The fact that Sean's still laughing Is making me still laugh Oh, that's so funny I'm gonna go with Wet pavement Oh, yes Everybody thinks it's the rain that smells good

It's not, it's the wet Goddamn pavement You know this particular odor has its own name Yes. Everybody thinks it's the rain that smells good. It's not. It's the wet goddamn pavement. You know this particular odor has its own name. Really? Tell me. Petrichor. Petrichor. I love this smell.

It hasn't rained in a while. Yeah. And then rain hits the pavement. It's called Petrichor. So does this take something off the table? Why'd you take that thing off the table? I wanted to. I need to. I wanted to. It probably takes something off the table. It takes wet pavement off the table. Why did you take that thing off the table? I wanted to. I need to see it.

I wanted to. It probably takes something off the table. It takes wet pavement off the table. Yeah. That's what I just picked. What were you? No, I know. Wet pavement.

Are you going to ask that after every pick? Is that a kind of whiskey that I don't know about? No, it's a kind of weed that you do know about. I just smoked myself out of remembering it. Excuse me, drug dealer of mine. Could I get some wet pavement? Could I get a bag of wet pavement? Drug. Excuse me, drug dealer of mine. Could I get some wet pavement? Could I get a bag of wet pavement? Drug dealer of mine.

Yeah. Drug dealer of mine. Yeah, petrichor. That smell is amazing. Like a summer rain. Yeah, there's just something. I don't even know what the smell is. Is it the oil? I don't know exactly. Is that why it's petrical?

Is that why they say it that way? That makes sense. P-E-T-R-I-C-H-O-R. Different kind of petrol. Okay, well then I have no idea what that smell is, but man. That's fun. It's my favorite. It's way up there. Yeah, it smells amazing. That's good. It's a terrific smell.

I don't even know. It's kind of comforting, I guess, the same way where you're like, I don't know, it feels like, what are you going to do? You can't go outside right now. Yeah, you're chilling. It's, you know, watch. Just chilling. There's like a feeling of relief to it. Yeah.

I don't mean to interrupt you. What were you going to say? Open the door and watch Bull Durham on the couch. Oh, yeah. You're kind of outside. You're kind of watching a movie. You're doing both. The sun's breaking through a little bit, but it's not all the way through, and you don't

need to be anywhere until like nine. Perfect. And you can expect some thunderstorms. Thunderstorms come with a smell. You might cancel. Love that. Love a thunderstorm. Yeah, it's either thunderstorms or like people were playing with water outside.

Which is also fun. Which is great. Sprinklers or like shooting the hose at each other or water balloon fight or like that. Naughty by nature was filming the feel me flow video right outside. That also, which does happen to us a lot. Yeah.

In the day. In Glendale at the Americana. Yeah, dude. Go see some snow on Christmas. Watch them shoot a naughty by nature video. This one came out decades ago. Let us not get into it.

So the smell derives from an oil exuded by certain plants during dry periods, whereupon it is absorbed by clay-based soils and rocks and streets. During rain, the oil is released into the air along with another compound, geosmin, a metabolic byproduct of a certain actinobacteria, which is emitted by wet soil. Yeah. I can't believe you knew that off the top of your head. Yeah, that was crazy.

You just recited that. It was almost like you were reading it. I closed my laptop and then said that just to give everyone a visual. Actually, you were looking at your laptop, but it wasn't turned on. No, no, it's off. Yeah. It's off. In each hand, I had those balls.

You know, those meditation balls? Those worry balls? Those furious styles and the boys in the hood balls? Yeah. Furious styles. Where is Trey, dude? Did you know when you do those, they're not supposed to touch? They are not supposed to touch.

I knew that because my stepdad's a weirdo. Are those called Benoit balls? I think they are called supposed to touch i knew that because my stepdad's a weirdo are those called benoit balls is that what they are benoit all i know is my hands are too small for that to even be a possibility yeah so if anybody ever says that to me when i'm doing them go fuck yourself why they're supposed to calm you down my hands are small because they don't it's supposed to give you something to take your mind off it whether and you see how how fast you can do it i've never been able to make them not touch no ever i have no interest in making them not it's a fidget spinner i've never been in contact make them not touch. No. Ever. I have no interest in making them not touch. It's a fidget spinner. I've never been in contact

with them unless they were my stepdad had like those in a box. Those are the only ones I've ever seen in my life. Ever. Even in like military where they were like

throwing stars and shit. Those like army surplus stores where they had shit like that. I've never seen those I don't think that those are in the same category as throwing stars. Well, you know what I mean?

They're relaxing balls. Or like katana swords like shit they would have at an Army surplus store. You don't agree at all. No one in this room agrees. No, no, no. I know what you mean. I think they do have them. I'll keep getting louder, dude.

I don't think you mean Army surplus store, though. Well, that's where we had all of our ninja stuff. They do have them at Army, Navy surplus stores. Really? Okay, well, then I'm wrong. In Seapalls, we had like the Army surplus store where like all the nunchucks and the ninja. Really? Okay, well, then I'm wrong. In Sioux Falls, we had the Army surplus store where all the nunchucks and the ninjas. Yeah, but that was the only store.

That's where the milk was. That's where you got married. Insulin. Makeup, dude. Doctor. You got a driver's license there if you felt like it. You were ready to take the test. You got your hogs.

Yeah, dude. Falcon food. I got couch cushions there. Couch cushions. Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Sterno. Shane's album.

A pack of 17 white t-shirts in the same plastic pack. 17 white t-shirts. Oh, yeah, it's cheaper when you get 17. 17. Boat trailer. $8. Yeah, a, it's cheaper when you get 17. 17. Boat trailer. $8. Yeah, a hitch. Suzu Troopers.

Yeah. The Eddie Bauer edition cardigan of the sport utility vehicle. Pictures of the Pope. Whatever you need. Pictures of the Pope. Absolutely.

Framed. You're talking about my band? They're on the back of the truck. They used to sell... Pictures of the Pope. Your band. They used to sell my EP there from Pictures of the Pope.

You guys were like a really bad new radicals one two seven eight we'll kick your asses that song is so good but that line where they threatened to beat up marilyn manson i do like that song a lot what is that i know the song but i don't know i'm not aware of this line uh it's fashion shoots with be and Hanson, Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson. You're all fakes run to your mansions. Come around, we'll kick your asses. Oh, my God.

I never picked up on that. From a dude who's never kicked an ass. Yeah, for sure. You're going to beat up Marilyn Manson and Courtney Love. They didn't do anything to you. And by the way, no, you're not going to beat up Beck. And Beck and Hanson? Imagine if he said that not in a song.

I'm going to beat up Courtney Love. Okay, man. All right, dude. Wow. Excuse me, Mr. Radical. Who else are you going to beat up? Beck? Yeah, I'm going to beat up Beck. Okay, who else?

Marilyn Manson. Any kids? Oh, yeah. Hanson. All of them. All three of them. I'm sick of beat up Beck. Okay, who else? Marilyn Manson. Any kids? Oh, yeah. Hanson. All of them. All three of them. I'm sick of those fucking guys. Even the six-year-old.

Yeah. Yeah. I like to beat up women and kids. Yeah, we're going to kick their ass. Women, kids, skinny guys. I'll fight them all. Anyone of them may you throw at me. Yeah.

Anyone I find to be weaker than me if you would have been like now it seems like fighting them isn't your preferred nomenclature what do you what do you want to say you're going to do to them kick their asses why did you kick their asses because i want Petrichor Petrichor Your third pick This one also might be Petrichor In a way My own farts

No yeah Oh yeah Yeah You're saying it's Petrichor Because plants seep into your body And then you fart it out Yep Is that what you mean?

Is that not how you eat? Fucking look at me like I'm a weirdo. I just lay on my food and then it seeps into my body. I don't know. It's odd. I was going around when I told Laura what we were drafting.

I was going around and that was when I was like you know, your farts and, or. You have to. Yeah. Well, she was like, I don't like it. And I go, yeah, you do. She doesn't like admitting it. Yeah.

Nobody likes admitting it, but. Even if I don't like the smell of it, I gotta know what it smells like. And then I can smell it and be like, oh, bad one. You never mind. That's the thing. I don't always like it, but I never, maybe once or twice was I like, dog. But that's more of like i feel like something's happening yeah it's honestly like that smells okay but why is it smell

that bad and if you get and if you are saying that to yourself it's kind of like an achievement you aren't really like oh no it's like oh yeah i'm gonna stop talking about breakfast right before bed dude that's the science there or Or I have to keep doing it. Yeah. Or your body just has to know nothing else. I got to keep doing it and then start doing it around others. Maybe take a systems check. It's just like, all right, I'm okay.

You know what I'll do now? Now that we, thankfully, we get to travel quite a bit with doing comedy. When I'm on a plane now, I'll just let it ride. And I'll look at people to see, like, what's up. I'll just look at whoever's next to me. Really? Not in a dick way, but be like, I just want to see if it's going to hit them. And then you can tell.

That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard anybody admit. He's a fart missionary. See if it's going to hit them. Well, because you see that Cause it's You can't get actually upset Right? When you smell something

Like a fart You're like You absolutely Can get upset Yeah for sure No not on a plane If it's a bad fart Totally

Not on a plane To know Yeah Like an evil Fucking ground beef fart To know that you're just Let's not fly to high planes Together boys

To know that you're just sitting there putting them out and then seeing and then I'm one chair back holding my stomach sweating like, please don't fire today. If we were on a road trip, I wouldn't do that. On a plane, I'd do that. I feel like reversing.

How far on a road trip are you trapped over the windows? And I'm with all my friends. And even more so. Check it out, weirdos. What do I care? You're a sociopath. Yeah, dude. I've never met these people.

I wish they were dead. I'll never meet these people. I wonder if they want to smell the inside of my asshole real quick. Not want to. Get to. Yeah, need to. Get to. Have to.

Actually, get to. Yeah, they're forced to. They have no control. What a day for them. And I'm in the aisle. You know, I pay extra for that. Well, we won't be flying to high planes together. I bet we will, actually.

No. I took the buyout. Do you... So do you purposely let the fart sort of... Because there's one way you can do it on a plane where you just fart into the seat cushion and you're pretty sure it's going nowhere. The spider is under the bowl.

Yeah. Right. Sometimes you have to go to the bathroom and the spider... Spider gets out. Then you shit all over the seat. And then you fart spiders all the way. Then you take your pants off, shit in the aisle.

Because you've been huffing gasoline all day. No, here's the thing. My mom is going to text me about this in my fridge. Here's the thing. I don't do it on purpose on a plane. I get so scared when I fly anymore that I can't have that be another thing that is upsetting my stomach. Sure. So I just fart like a lunatic on planes.

Wow. Partly because I'm nervous. Partly because I'm not going to hold it in. Well, you know the methane, if there's enough of it, can mess with the planes. Stopped. Why? Why in the world? Why in the world?

My best friend. Why in the world? I'm kidding. And what do I believe? Now I just like, well, now my stomach's basically a hole because I hold them all in. My best friend. Why in the world? I'm kidding. And what do I believe? You're absolutely right. Now I just like, well, now my stomach's basically a hole because I hold them all in. You understand it? We're going to donate pennies a day to you?

No, it's totally fine. My own farts. Great pick, Chris. Dave, it's time for your third pick. My own farts. Great pick. That's no surprise to me that my own farts are good to me. All right.

Punk rock. You said pop punk earlier, and boy, it set me off. That was lit, right? Yeah. Please tell me why. Please tell me why. My car is in the front yard. Yeah.

And I'm sleeping with my... All right. Dave. All right, Dave. I'm going to go with a donut shop. Oh, yes. Yes. That was not on my list.

That is such a good smell. It is. And man, when you open the front door of the donut shop, it hits you. That's sugary, doughy. Yes. That's one, too, that will forever remind me of being a kid. We used to go and get donuts every Sunday after church. Totally.

It's like, bam. And then I'm like, shit, I used to go to church. That's crazy to think about. Every week we used to go to church. When me and my father would go to synagogue, sometimes we would stop by the bagel shop just outside of Sherry Tor. And Rebby would always say, don't have too many bagels, Bubba. But I would. I would have too many bagels.

So I can relate to your church stories. Yeah, exactly. Bagels and donuts are exactly the same. Bagels smell just like donuts. Bagels smell like donuts. Tastes like it too yeah um

fucking I went I walked into I was just in Portland last weekend and I walked into Voodoo Donuts at like 3am

when they were like really cooked and I was just like oh it smells so fucking good did you get a donut real or drinky yeah very drinky

yeah very a lot of other things it's tricky with those donuts man at the end of the night cause I'll eat atgetown Comedy Festival, they'd have Voodoo would sponsor. Yeah. So the green rooms would smell like a donut shop.

Yes. And you'd end up having like four right at the end of the night. Donuts and hard cream soda. They'd be dinner at like four in the morning. Yeah. Bridgetown, that was one of the reasons Bridgetown was the best. Every green room had donuts, pizza, and weird beer in it. Yeah.

I miss it. A perfect mixture to get sick later. Yes. I would always get, my butt would get all dumb every weekend. Dumb butt? I would get dumb butt every time. Full feeling like I might die on the flight home. We were just like, I might die.

Dude, some of those. I'm shaking. My first Bridgetown, I drove Carl Hess home. Sure. home we were just like i might die yeah some of those i'm shaking my first bridge town i drove carl hess home sure and he got in my car and he was like holding his stomach and i was like oh what happened man you okay you like drink too much he goes nah drove him to la okay yeah yeah so we rode to la together gotcha um he gets in the car and i was like you hung over your why is your stomach hurting he goes goes, oh, God, dude, I ate 37 donuts. That's such a Carl Hess way to be hungover.

Totally. I brought it up to him later, and I told him that, and he was like, oh, yeah, man, you know what happened? Because they had donuts and pizza at every show, I kept a tally of the amount of pizza slices and donuts I had been eating that weekend to see how much I could take. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. I mean, for the listeners who don't know, Bridgetown's the comedy festival that was in Portland, but it was just the best. Pizza, donuts, beer. Push it to the limit. Drugs. And all the shows were right next to each other.

And then we all went to that big after party every night. Everything about it, you were a big family for the weekend. Allegedly, it's not done. Allegedly, it's going to be back this year. Really? If that's true, I'm fucking oh my god totally i'm gonna have to not drink for three months leading up to it it's bananas but yeah donut shop smells

are amazing yeah that's a really good man yeah that was especially after you didn't even think of it no i didn't interesting that's fucking It's not, it's because he's experienced it before, unlike weed. Because you know, it's also, well, and you know when donuts smell even better. When you're on weed. When you're fart-swafting on a plane. Yeah, when you're farting. And you're hoovering a donut through your green fart on the plane. When you're barbecuing while you fart on a plane.

That's when donuts are the best to sniff. You know what's gonna be funny is when all these smells get ripped off at the end and we're like, well, that smells like it would stink.

Well, together, yeah, terrible. Time for my third pick. With my third pick, I am going to take Fresh Cut Grass. Sure, sure, sure. I'm a maize-a-maid of this long.

That's one of my favorite social bits. Here it comes. Watch out. You ready for this? Yep. Yep. I don't know what you're...

I'm pointing at you. Yeah, I know. Didn't you just earlier say something to me about that? That it's one of my favorite things in the world? What are you talking about? Oh, I thought it was you. It wasn't. Yeah, I'm sorry, dude.

Sorry, no. Really? Put me on the spot. I was like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm trying to go to Lee. I'll sing. Sing now. Sing. I wanted to. Why aren't you singing? Do you want to? I don on the spot. I was like, I don't know what the fuck you mean. I'll sing. Sing now! I wanted to. Why aren't you singing?

Do you want to? I don't want to. Do everything I say. What am I supposed to be doing? I am so sorry. Someone else said something to me earlier and I thought it was you. I was talking to Ismael Lutfi. I was just like, I'm doing smells later.

And we were talking about smells. Which, by the way, I talk about smells. If you didn't tell him you were going to be on a podcast, you were just like, dude, I'm doing smells later. I'm doing smells. And he was like, let's hang out. I got a lot to say about smells. And he was like, apropos of nothing, I didn't bring it up. He goes, you know what smell I hate?

Fresh cut grass. I hate it. What a psychopath. Worst smell I hate? Fresh cut grass. I hate it. What a psychopath. Worst smell ever. Can't stand it. I would wear it as a cologne. Yeah. Really?

I love it. I bought a cologne once because I had notes of fresh cut grass. Seriously? Yeah. I mean, that has to be. Oh. Why would you? That smells so great.

I love that smell. And I am saying this right now knowing that I agreed with him earlier that I hate it in order to make him feel good. Sure, absolutely. That's a crazy opinion for him to have. That's insane. You don't want to make an enemy

of a crazy person. That's the last thing. You definitely don't want to make an enemy from a crazy person. It smells so good. It reminds me of football practice. I see that.

Of like heading back to football practice and being like, here we go again. Yeah, but you didn't, you were stoked. St stoked you know yeah in a fun way yeah i liked it yeah back when you know because now i think about going to football practice and it sounds so hard yeah but when i was 16 it wasn't hard it was perfect it was sort of annoying for a second but it was fucking awesome like being outside being like in the park like summer playing baseball summer you know these things have that in common, the like wet cement, wet asphalt, I mean.

Well, and that's why the things that we do now on occasion, like if we go hit some golf balls or something, or like go to the batting cages or whatever, or just go on a hike, you get these smells and you're like, ah, it reminds me of when I used to do, when I used to be active, I guess. Yeah, totally. Dude, the sound of a ball hitting a bat is such a specific sound that sends me to such a great place.

And I never really played that much baseball, but it reminds me of summer and having fun and having nowhere to go except to like run around my neighborhood with my friends. For sure. Both the wood and the metal bat. Both of them get different sounds. Yeah, the thwack of the metal bat. And the ding-ding-ding. Yeah. If that sound had a smell, I would have picked it first yeah absolutely if we do sounds yeah yeah that might have to be oh yeah you should do sounds that's what a fucking fun man i'll remember one pick i'll

tell you right now oh great here we go again i don't even know why I'm friends with you guys. Fuck you. Fresh cut grass though. I love the smell of it. Sean, it's time for your third and fourth picks. Third pick is going to be laundry drying from the outside of the apartment area. Dude. Yeah.

Oh, that like- Just that where you walk by and it's going out into you. And I'm pretty sure it's drying. That's steam. It's not being washed. It's the apartment area. Dude. Yeah. Oh, that like Just that where you walk by and it's going out into you and I'm pretty sure it's drying. That's steam. It's not being washed. It's the laundry drying. Yeah. I specifically wrote that same thing.

Not laundry, but like the laundry exhaust of an apartment complex or a hotel. That doesn't really take me back to anywhere. Maybe that's just like, I don't,

I can't really peg that, why I think that's a good smell. It's just an amazing smell. It just smells great. It's the steam coming off of drying clothes that have just been soaked in detergent. Scented detergent. It's like a big air freshener out into the world.

It's also, it's not like you're in a room full of that smell. You're like outside and then suddenly it's like, oh. It's dissipating, yeah. Yeah, it's just this big whiff of great smell and then gone again. Usually hits you in like a hot cloud. Yeah. Yeah.

It's nice. Yeah, it feels hot. Yeah. And it smells clean. Totally. It's like a good smelling sauna. Yeah, I was going to say like a tiny little, like just a trip through a sauna. Yeah.

Sauna! You're doing a little bit of the exact. Sauna! Sauna! Sauna! Sauna! Get in the sauna! Why'd you blow the clothes off in the dryer? A sauna too! Oh my God.

It was all right. I did it without stuttering, which makes it all right, you know? It was good. Effort was 100%. That just means it's the sushi i'd hate the most uh uh it is it is a good it does it like apartment buildings usually yeah yeah that's the one that gets and so i've a lot of these spells i was trying to think of what where does it take me to why do i like that and i think i don't know why but because

of course i smelled laundry drying when i was growing up but maybe i never realized until you live in your own place and you're doing your own laundry or whatever yeah that that you notice that smell a little more like maybe dorms i never even lived in the dorms but maybe like walking around that you notice things like that you're like oh look at look at this look at this fun good smell and what i'm doing the doing makes you feel like an adult maybe and the dorms actually it was a bunch

it was these nine kids I knew their last name was Dorm and we all called it yes it was the dorms house they were always drying laundry because they killed so many people

wow just had to dry laundry yeah you didn't want to walk around the dorms without two knives dude wow screwballs yeah screwballs right and the dorms without two knives, dude. Wow. Screwballs. Yeah, yeah.

Screwballs. Screwballs for each of you. And the dorms were the people who ran Sioux Falls. Yeah. And the Hells Angels, but mostly the dorms. I mean, the Hells Angels really didn't run it, I would say. They were a subset of the dorms. They just owned the surplus dorm.

Yeah. But you get your Benoit balls. Yeah, totally. Laundry drying, great pick. And your fourth pick Fireworks Oh So I don't know

If we have to knock that down To like sulfur But Or gunpowder or whatever No fireworks Yeah Fireworks It's got a gunpowder

Yeah It's got a unique smell Everybody I think Yeah And it kind of Kind of stinks Like it's Yeah

Kind of pungent But yeah It just smells great It's the right amount though Yeah gunpowder and sulfur Right when it Right when it just pops in there And you're like It's like a little, yeah. It just smells great. It's the right amount though. Yeah. Gunpowder and sulfur. Right when it just pops in there and you're like, ooh. It's like a little bit of a spicy feel in your nose. Yeah.

It kind of gets your snot loose a little bit. Yeah, that sour kind of, yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a fun one. And you know, that obviously reminds me of 4th of July and how fun that is. It's funny how many of these smells are just reminding you of summer.

Yeah. Yeah. For me, it's all of them, except for my last one, which none of you will pick, and that'll be a whole different one. Santa's beard. It's Santa's beard. My favorite smell is Santa's beard. The yellowing corners of an old man's mustache.

The yellowing corners of an old man's mustache. I wake up every day to just do it. In December. All winter long. Mother, can we go to the mall again? I want to smoke Santa's beard. I simply must smell Santa's beard. When he asks me what I want for Christmas,

I say to be able to come back and smell your beard next year. That you don't die so I can smell your beard next year. That you don't die so I can smell your beard next year. That you don't die? Man, you sat as a grown up on Santa's lap at the fucking mall and said,

what do you want, son? Don't die. For you to not die. Don't die, Santa. So I can smell your mustache next year. Tell me, promise me you won't die.

Next year. Tell me. Promise me you won't die. You're just at the West Covina Mall. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, fireworks. I'm going to tell, man. Pop, pop. Wait, what sound do they make?

Pop, pop. Pop, pop. Pop, pop. I wanted to. I wanted to. Why'd you shoot him? Because I wanted to. I wanted to? Pop, pop. Pop, pop. It's time for my fourth bet. Yeah, yeah. Pop, pop. I wanted to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why'd you shoot him? Because I wanted to. I wanted to.

Pop, pop. I wanted to. Pop. I wanted to. I wanted to. I wanted pop, pop. Oh, man. Pop, pop.

Pop, pop. I wanted to. Lager girl. Lager girl. Lager girl. Lager girl. LeBron. Lager girl. LeBron's Lager Girls.

LeBron James. I'm going to... That was great. LeBronjalee. Is anyone going to draft LeBron in this draft? Yeah, he smells great. He smells amazing. Sadie's going to smell a lot tighter when he gets here.

I'm going to take my mom's spaghetti sauce. Ooh, mom's spaghetti. I love it. Spaghetti. After you're done throwing it all up mom's spaghetti. I love it. Mom's spaghetti. After you're done throwing it all up before your first stand-up show. Mom's spaghetti. Sue Carmel's Sunday gravy, which I've made in the house before. Okay.

Then I've smelled it. You've encountered it. Yeah, yeah. Hers is even better. I dare. All right. Yeah. It's just fucking amazing.

It's like a perfect, it's like, I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. Well, you know, maybe that's one of the best things. It's inexplicable. It's like a perfect... It's like... I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. Well, you know, it's... Maybe that's one of the best things. It's inexplicable. You just don't know. Again, evocative of, you know, like childhood and everything. It would cook for like 12 hours.

That's the thing. Like it starts cooking, you leave the crib. Yeah. Way later you come back. The whole house smells like it. Wow. Yeah. It's just like bubbling over.

You're tasting it throughout the day. Sure. A little piece of bread in there. A little piece of bread in there. Oh, it's Yeah. It's just like bubbling over. You're tasting it throughout the day. Sure. A little piece of bread in there. A little piece of bread in there. Oh, it's great. It's so good. It's so good. A little bit of ground Italian sausage, a little beef.

Sure. Bay leaves. It's just, I can't even. Woo. Yep. Woo. Yeah. Maybe.

It's making me hungry. I bet I've actually had it at Christmas or Thanksgiving. I've made it at the crib. It's the spaghetti sauce that was like at the house. Was it the Goodfellas Day? Or was it? No, I don't remember. I had them all.

I had every food that was. Yeah. You've had it. I think you've had it. It's fantastic. Hell yeah. Anyway, that'll be a quick one. Dave, time for your fourth pick.

This one might be a little weird. No. Weird. Weird. I don't know. I don't normally talk like that I yeah well because I don't

I don't know if I don't have a nose so it's weird for all of you yeah sure that's the thing I'm gonna say the inside of a ski mask yeah that's weird

yeah see you know what I'm talking about I know exactly what you're talking about and that is a weird smell it is a weird smell and I love it I don't know what I'm talking about I know exactly what you're talking about and that is a weird smell it is a weird smell and I love it I don't know if I do know I don't

like if you ski or snowboard it's you have a ski mask over your mouth and nose and so you're smelling this like cloth

and it's strange at first but then it's like I don't know so we used to skate with I guess beanies and shit over our faces sometimes and just that warmth it's sort of warm. So we used to skate with, I guess, beanies and shit over our faces sometimes.

And just that warmth. It's like breathing into the cloth and then smelling that back, I guess. It's almost plasticky. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little plasticky. I don't like it. I know exactly what you're talking about. I don't know how to describe it.

Yeah, it's a very distinct smell. I'm shaking. I'm trying to think of something to say. But whenever I would put a ski mask on and I would start breathing through it, I would smell that and it'd always be very comforting to me. Oh, sure. I'll go get the limitless pills that we have downstairs. We'll each take one and then we'll figure out a way to describe it.

I mean, really just pull your shirt up over your nose and start. Sure. Actually, it's not the same. Start laughing. When we were kids and all my friends, by the way, fuck you, Adam, Adam Neuroth, Micah Shelton, they're the main two that correct me, friends of the podcast. They always correct me when I tell these stories, like anybody gives a fuck about the details. Anyway, I know this one is correct for sure.

Our friend Nick Ward put on a ski mask and just went into a 7-Eleven and bought some stuff. Just walked around. That is super funny. He just walked around. He bought like a Chico stick, some now and laters, and a Mountain Dew pretty casually. And we were sitting in the car like, Jesus. And he just paid for it with money and walked out like he didn't have a ski mask on.

Was he being funny? Or did he just not realize? Yeah, no. No, he realized. It was hilarious. Okay. But I mean, now- It's hilarious, but terrifying.

It's- God, cruel. Yeah, so you wouldn't do that now. And I honestly, I don't even think the person behind the counter really gave a shit. It was just one of those where we were in like a van watching. I'm like, damn, dude, that's- Then we went in and killed that person and took all the money. That's neither here nor there.

Right, wearing your Ronald Reagan mask. Which you know what you got to do. Inching along in your metal coffins. You guys have fun with the rest of your lives, bro. I'll be out robbing banks and surfing. I am not a crook. Inside of the ski mask. In Oregon, I went skiing and snowboarding a bunch,

but I never had the full balaclava. I had to have the cute little face over the snow bunnies. Gotta have it all out there. Gotta have it out there for them. Rosy cheeks. Would you have one of those ski masks But it had the whole face cut out I did have one of those

With the gogs underneath Those Just a little circle Those are the best You'd get your shit at 7-Eleven for free They'd be like you're so cute If I walked in like that, just a little frame for my punim? Absolutely.

Yeah. I'd like one bit of honey for my sweet little face. Sure, here you go. Fuck yes. There's no way you're paying for that bit of honey. Oh, man. No, you're not. You're getting that bit of money for free. Oh, that was tight.

Kit Kat bar and a box of Magnums. That's weird. They just give them to you. They did not even have that. You can't even give us money for that. No. Chris, it is time for your uh fourth and fifth picks okay boy getting down to it i'm gonna pick can't be weed oh well can't be weed taken in the first round got it second round

you dumb you dumb okay you're wrong bro i'm gonna take this one uh the best way i can describe it is Got it. Second round. You dumb. You dumb. Okay. You're wrong, bro. I'm going to take this one. The best way I can describe it is a musty lake house. Damn it. Yes, totally. A musty house in general. Yeah, specifically my grandparents' house in Rhode Island.

My grandpa had built this house. It was super old. he had like a they had a they lived on a lake and they had a little shed right i don't even know it was a shed it was like a where you'd keep all your lake shit all your floaties and yeah all of that type of stuff and all of that room specifically if i ever smell anything kind of like it it takes me back there immediately and it's one of my favorite smells ever and it just yeah it's all the same thing all the nostalgia sure yeah that's a very kind of of nostalgia and you even just saying that i started hearing the sound of water lapping against a dock sure yeah yeah and that sound there's another one for sound yeah this it's funny when i think back

like when when we list all these all of the ones that people can be like you don't think this smells yeah pedestrian pics but yeah that's fucking that's fantastic yeah and it just just reminds you of again just getting ready to now the more i think about it's like i'm ready to cut loose a little bit like i get that musty smell in a lake house i'm like well someone's gonna be a little tore up at about four in the morning like opening windows and like clearing it out like getting the gear out and everything yes it's gonna we're about to plop it in the water because we'll be on the boat we gotta get into a lake oh that's why you said that because you're gonna be drinking on the boat yeah yeah yeah we do need to get into just a lake or like just even like a like a fucking is there a lake

close to here well like a b&b on the ocean like a, like a fucking, is there a lake close to here? Well, like a B and B on the ocean, like sort of out of the way. I know that's, but a lake is a different vibe. It is. You're right.

It's wooded. Like big bear. It's wooded. Yeah. Big bear, big bear, big bear. Oh yeah.

There's a lake in Big Bear. Yeah. We should go to Big Bear. Man, a good friend of mine just bought a cabin at Big Bear. Let's go. We should go to Big Bear. We should go to friend of mine just bought a cabin at Big Bear. Let's go. We should go right down. Let's go, dudes.

I don't know why I haven't gone yet. I haven't gone yet. It's crazy. Gotta go. Yeah. Tell him you're going to bring 90 people. 90 people. And then when you show up with 20, it's going to be cool.

Oh. He's going to be like, shit, did 70 people bail? I mean, this guy's so cool, he would straight up just be down. He would be into it. Stoked for the 90. Yeah. Let's do it. We should do it.

Okay. Hell yeah. Let's go. Make your fifth pick, and then we'll go to the Legos. Okay, fine. I don't need a fifth pick. My pick is leaving to go there. The smell of brake lights.

Okay. The smell of me leaving. This one, pretty specific, but I think everybody will get it. Philippe's horseradish mustard. Oh, dude. Fuck, I had horseradish, like, yes. Yeah, dude. That's the best.

And I don't even know that I love the smell, but I love what it does. You know what I'm saying? Yes. It's that sinus-y. It's a French dip place here in LA, but it's like a spicy horseradish mustard. You can smell it in your eyes. You know what I'm saying? Sure. It's like, holy shit in LA, but it's like a spicy horseradish mustard. You can smell it in your eyes. You know what I'm saying? Sure. It's like, holy shit.

It clears up everything. It is. And it's got enough mustard smell that you smell the mustard. Sure. And enough horseradish smell that you get all that. Oh. All deep in the sinuses. Like your eyes open so wide that you can see through time.

That's the fun. Yeah, yeah. Where you see the mistakes you've made. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And also how they don't matter on the grand scheme. Right. Exactly.

Yeah. That smell is fucking great. Oh, I love it. Me and my friends used to go to this place called the Real Men Tavern in Portland, Oregon, which has some of the best chicken I've ever had. But they also bring out an array of mustards. Oh, I love it. And one of them was a horseradish mustard.

And we would just put our eyes over it, and then just give it a light squeeze, so a horseradish wind would hit it, and you'd be like, ah! It would hurt. That sounds terrible. That's an early 20s ass. It would hurt for a second, and you'd be like,

all right, okay, it's actually good. I actually like it. We would just fucking lightly mace ourselves with this horseradish mustard, because it would take the chicken forever to come out. So you've got to kill time somehow. Yeah. It's fucking tight. We would just fucking lightly mace ourselves with this horseradish mustard. Because it would take the chicken forever to come out. So you got to kill time somehow. Yeah, dude. We'd drink Blue Moon or whatever.

Yeah. And mace yourself. And mace ourselves. That's fucking- But yeah, Felice horseradish mustard. Hell yeah. That is a really, really good one. Deep cut.

Because mustard in general smells great. I love mustard. Love it. God, I love mustard. An array of mustards. Just that phrase makes me happy. Isn't that a great phrase? Yeah.

It was making my mouth water. It was like six mustards they would bring out. A lot of things we've said could be band names. Array of mustards. Array of mustards. Could be. Array of mustards from Downey, California. Damn right they are.

Give it up for Musty Lake House. Keep it going for them. We've been on the road with them for a while I'm a Ray and these are the Mustards Excellent pick Dave Time for your final pick A Ray and the Mustards I was not going to close with this

Because I can't believe it's not taken Coffee Fresh coffee That's another one that did not make my I was not going to close with this because I can't believe it's not taken. Yeah. Coffee. Oh, man. Fresh coffee, dude. I almost just picked that one. That's another one that did not make my – I didn't even think of that. Yeah. And more specifically, kind of like the barbecue one, my favorite is the smell of coffee that

someone else made while you were sleeping. Oh, yeah. You wake up. Oh, my God. You walk out. Dude, some mornings Chris will have made coffee. I wake up. I walk out. Dude, some mornings Chris will have made coffee. I wake up. I walk out. And then immediately he'll be like, what's up, dude? There's coffee.

And I am so happy. I am the most happy I have ever been in that moment. Because it's a hot drink that'll get you there and it smells amazing. Totally. And Wow. Hold on a minute. Yeah. It's a hot drink that'll get you there Yeah Have you ever had coffee? It's a hot drink that'll get you there

And it smells amazing Do you work for coffee? It'll get you there Is coffee your dad? Holy shit, man Say it again You gotta say it one more time It's a hot drink that'll get you there And it smells amazing Dad? Holy shit, man. Say it again. You gotta say it one more time.

The hot drink that'll get you there and it smells amazing. I didn't think I needed to say it twice. 1-800. Oh, shit. It's a hot drink that'll get you there and it smells amazing. Coffee. Drink it.

We'll be back after this. Coffee. Have you ever had it? No. You're not going to believe your next guess. No, I've never had it. I've never done it. I wouldn't touch this stuff.

I hope to. I hope to at some point. All that shit is true. Yeah, that's great. Oh, God. I wish that you could do that with anything. Just like three quick facts. Three quick positive facts.

Do you orange juice? Go. I can't. It's not going to be the same. It's not the same. It's a colored drink that's kind of cold, and then it won't get you there. Probably not going to do it. It's kind of syrupy. It sometimes has

pulp and it might get stuck in your teeth. It'll brighten your morning and leave a smile on your face. It's a hot drink. It'll get you there. It smells amazing. That smells amazing. I love the sound of coffee

being ground and then that first smell where you're like the deep smell of it. I love the sound of coffee being ground. Sure. And then that first smell where you're like, get that deep smell of it, you know? Ooh, I love it. The sound of the coffee percolating in like an old coffee maker. Such a good sound. When I lived in Portland, my last place was like right down the street from a coffee roaster. Oh, my.

And that's a fun smell, too. Yeah. Hard coffee roasters. But that's everyone's place in Portland. That's actually true. Yeah, that is true. There's more of them than police stations it's easier to say i lived in a coffee roasting place and there was an apartment down there yeah yeah uh excellent pet coffee fuck yeah i can't believe i made it to the last round i can't believe i can't believe it's not even on my list well i can

it's time for my uh usually since it's a hot drink that will get you there and also smells amazing. It's a hot drink that will get you there and smells amazing. What does that even mean? It'll wake you up! It'll get you where? If coffee was illegal and you were an undercover cop trying to break up a coffee ring, that's what you would say to try to ingratiate yourselves

with the coffee guys. You guys trying to get there? Coffee? Hell yeah, I love coffee. It's a hot drink that will get you there and it smells amazing. Man. With my final pick, I'm going to go with Crayons. Oh.

Fun wax pick. That kind of like light wax, like open up a box of Crayola. Unmistakable. That reminds me of getting new school supplies.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Such a fun, where like you get new shit, it's yours. You don't have a lot of shit that's yours. Yeah. School supplies and like your one Jordan jersey. And the crayon sharpener. And you stole that. The smell as you sharpen

the crayons. Oh, dude. Have you ever melted a crayon? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We used to make it so you melt. I forget exactly, but you melt a bunch of it, and then you shove it into like a sink full of water, and then it like rises up and then cools,

and then you have a weird sculpture. Yeah. Huh. I think that's roughly how you do it for your first apartment. Make it into an ashtray. To go with your Why So Serious poster. Why so serious?

Well, it's because there's so many cigarette butts in that ashtray that you clearly made out of crayon wax. Oh, yes. Crayons, my final pick. Sean, your final pick,

the final pick of the draft. Okay. So I'm going to say a skate park, but the smell is going to be like the sawdust of a skate park. Sawdust. So sawdust is what the technically the smell I guess is, but for me it's walking into a skate park and just that wood that just that,

that smell of just all that. And there was probably some sweat mixed in there too, but the overpowering part was just the sawdust and the wood and everything. And that to me is the most amazing smell of anything. Cause that is like the most important thing of 20 years of my life. Yeah, sure. So it just reminds me of getting giddy right now thinking about it. Just walking into a skate park and you're just like, oh my God.

Back when, you know, before there were all the cement parks outdoors this is like indoor minneapolis middle of winter just all these shitty ramps very shoddily put together hell yeah dude a skate park nice yeah yeah that's great that totally makes sense because i was like going to pick and because it and didn't because it's disgusting like my high school bus on the way back from a soccer game. Oh, damn. It's like fucking disgusting. A very musty smell, yeah. But it was so much,

that was some of the most fun I've ever had in my life was on those trips. It smelled like dust and grass and stuff. Yeah, it just smelled like teenage gross. Just funk? Yeah, just like funk. A football bus would smell like that too.

Yeah, just like mud. Yeah, it's smell like that too. Yeah, just like mud. Yeah, it's not a smell I want to smell again, but if I do, it would make me happy. You know? It's weird. If you did really want to smell the smell of a bunch of high school kids on a bus again, that would be very bad.

It might be troublesome. It might not go well for you. Troublesome 93, dude. Just to recap, great pitch. I've been excited for this whole thing. Chris, you went first. You took gasoline, wet pavement, your own farts, musty lake house, and Philippe's horseradish mustard. Your own farts, dude.

I like that pick. I like that draft. Dave, you went second. You took the smell of the person you're dating, the smell when someone's barbecuing but you can't find them. Donut shops. The inside of a ski mask and coffee. Inside of a ski mask. That sounds crazy. That's crazy. Sounds crazy.

Psycho. I went third. I took burning cedar, bacon, fresh cut grass, my mom's spaghetti sauce, and crayons. Hell yeah. Sean, you went last. You took weed, movie theater popcorn, laundry drying, sort of that mist from a laundry dryer, that steam, fireworks, and skate park sawdust. So great.

We left some good ones on the board. Well, all the normal ones. Strawberries and shit. Oh, yeah. Flowers. There's a lot of good smelling flowers. Sharpie pencil. Michaels.

You know when you walk into a Michaels? Oh, yeah. New shoes was one that I really thought was a good one. Oh, new shoes is so good. Fuck, I can't believe I didn't pick that. Also, the smell of a brewery that's making beer. You know that smell? I don't like that smell.

Oh, you don't? Yeah, no. It's really like mealy, like deep. You know chlorine? When I walk into a hotel pool, that kind of high stinging chlorine I think is a fun one. This is a bougie answer, but there's one particular candle I love. You know that black diptyque candle? I do.

The base. And I looked it up. It's berries and Bulgarian roses. I have two smells on that. Berries and Bulgarian roses. New babies. Oh, look at you. Oh, yeah.

Baby heads. Yeah. Baby head smells terrific. Bath and body works. I don't even know what it is. I don't think I know that. Oh, yeah. Smell a baby sometime. Fear, bro? You don't even know what i know that oh yeah smell a baby sometime

fear bro you don't even have to know that baby fear you know what i was literally gonna say and this is actually true i feel this way but i felt like it was a little extreme for the draft yeah is heroin heroin smells really good wow i haven't either it smells crazy good really yeah it smells like you don't hear a lot of bad things about heroin until the death, you know? Yeah, no, it's bad if you do it. Gnarly. But it smells real good. Sourdough bread.

Yeah. I fucking love that smell. Cigar shop, dude. Why did no one do that? That's crazy. Ooh, cigar shop is good. Yeah. Leather.

Leather. I was thinking about Wilson's Leather Store. Yeah, very specific. The one in the Empire Mall. Leather and tobacco. Markers. I was thinking about Wilson's leather store Yeah Very specific The one in the Empire Mall Cider dude Tobacco Markers Markers

Love that smell Mercers Cocaine I like that way That was gonna be a funny one That I was gonna pick Teen Spirit was gonna be Another one I was gonna

Like a funny one I was gonna pick I would've beat you up dude If I didn't put cards On the table I would've jumped over the table Why I didn't pick her bro You're one of my best friends

I would've had to beat you up, dude. Beat you up. Yeah, this is fucking... Like Courtney Love. Had to beat you up. Yeah, yeah. Kick your butt. Kick your ass.

Great draft. As always, send us yours at allfantasypod on Twitter. What's our email? allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Yeah, yeah. Hit us all fantasy pod on twitter uh what's our email uh all fantasy podcast at gmail.com yeah yeah hit us all up individually on twitter we love that too yeah shout out to everyone on twitter on instagram on the afv subreddit shout out to super producer marissa you happy belated canada day marissa the roost the other night it came to the roost was kicking a heart at the roost hell yeah when the coward Mike Malloy couldn't even peel himself out of North Hollywood. He was saying.

Oh, he was pissed. That fucking, that backwards hat goon. Pissed, dude. Pissed. Yeah, so shout out to not Mike Malloy. Unshout out. Non-shout. Shout out to all of you.

We love you. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Haji Beats. Dude, shout out to Rocky Balboa, man, for doing what he did back when he did it. When he did it, dude. When he did it and he did do it. Shout out to Smittix, a dark, unpopular beer. Yeah.

Yeah, shout out to Smittix. Shout out to fucking Rumpelmints. Oh, God. Shout out to Rumpelmints. Shout out to coffee. It'll get you there. Coffee, it'll get you there. It will get you there.

I've heard that somewhere. Tastes great. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. It's a hot drink. It's a hot drink. Shout out to all hot drinks, as a matter of fact. Cool treats. Dude, shout out to buying a star in the sky for your old lady.

That's dope. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, that's a dope thing to do. I wouldn't want to do that for a girl. Did you do that? No. Well, it's so funny.

Shout out to having a brick at Ellis Island. Big shouts to that. Shout out to still having a whole encyclopedia set yeah yeah shout out to world book shout out to the Encarta CD-ROM I still got at my mom's house shout out to a thousand free hours of AOL and most importantly

tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shacklackity! Waaaaah! that was a hate gum podcast