All Fantasy Everything - Snacks for a Middle School Pool Party (w/ Laura Peek)

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Peek for president.Guest:Laura PeekSupport the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Agent Nate Russo returns in Oracle III, Murder at the Grandview, the latest installment of the gripping Audible original series. When a reunion at an abandoned island hotel turns deadly, Russo must untangle accident from murder. But beware, something sinister lurks in the Grandview's shadows. Joshua Jackson delivers a bone-chilling performance in the supernatural thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat.

Don't let your fears take hold of you as you dive into this addictive series. Love thrillers with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. on Audible. Listen now on Audible. -♪ MUSIC PLAYING. -♪ Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts

anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are fantasy drafting Shaboosie. Shaboosie! He keeps looking around. I'm going first, I'm going first. We're drafting snacks for a middle school pool party. Is that what it was? Right, yeah. Pool party was never in there. No, it was. Am I crazy? I thought it said middle school. No, you. Middle school pool party snacks. Oh, alright. Yeah, you waved me off and I was kind of nervous. I thought it said middle school snacks. I'm still like... Pretty sure it said pool party. Oh, now we're pretty sure. It would be crazy if you meant pool me off. I was kind of nervous. I thought it said middle school snacks I'm still in pool party reading our pretty sure it would be crazy if you meant pool party

And then I somehow pulled that out of the ether would not be nuts I mean we've all got it on the brand to be above ground pool party if we're going to fall Just scary for a young Absolutely. Oh, I fell in! Both of you for different reasons. Every party's a pool party. I'm so wacky! Oh, my shirt! Oh, I might as well keep it on. It's on anyway. Every party's a pool party when you're fat.

You guys mostly swam in industrial hog froths in Seafall, right? Yeah, he swam in drainage ditches. Keep talking, shitbag. What was that? Smith had an above ground pool, so. I had a bag. Listen, I was swimming.

We were doing dirty cowboys off the, off the top deck of the. What's a dirty cowboy? Everybody who is a trashy cowboy. What do you think, before I tell you what it is, what do you think it is? I think it's when you smoke a cigarette and drink a beer at the same time.

That's what it is. Put a mouthful of chewing and spit in the pool. I think it's when you play like a foghorn on the top of a beer bottle with cigarette smoke. So, I think it's when you don't pee in the pool you pee into the pool as you're jumping into the pool That would be a filthy cowboy No, it's you grab your you grab your bad dude and do this in the air while you jump off like the high dive or whatever

Who's that for us when we're friends just the other dudes? Yeah, we get kicked out of the pool all the time Your bad dude in your trunks and you're spinning it Crazy question yes We were in a helicopter in our games. That's not a crazy question. Yes it is. I just said we were kids. Kids take them out. Maybe this is a weird line for us to go down. I'm so sorry. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Bad dudes are penis. I literally had no idea. That wasn't fair to you. I was picturing the most innocent thing in the world. Just some young bad kid. That kid is such a fucked up neighbor. He's just going like this. They kept groundhogs in there

from swimming trunks in Sioux Falls. Such a fucked up neighbor. Everybody had a bad dude because they couldn't afford Furby, so they just went and went. Ah! Ah! They left him in there paying.

I know you wanted a Furby. I fed my bad dude after midnight again. You got what you got. You know I got laid off. I got you a bad dude after midnight again. You got what you got. You know I got laid off. I got you a bad dude for Christmas. Not so bad dude. No, it means penis makes all of us very... Bad dude does sound like a rough cabbage patch kid

or something. Our guest today is comedian Laura Payne. Our friend, returning champion. And one bad dude. And one bad dude. You are a bad dude. I'm a really bad dude. I'm your host, yogurt, apple nut and with me as always on my forums. Yogurt, apple nut and bad dude. They're touring together finally. I saw this in the kitchen. First of all, it's cars, which is pretty close

to my last name. But then I saw yogurt, apple nut, and I'm like, that's me today, dude. You might as well call it Double Cum. Double Cum. Yogurt Apple Nut? What? Apple? Apple was just in there. Oh, got it, okay, okay.

I've never had a dinner that led to that. Cum Apple Cum? Is that what you would? I call it. Jizz Apple Jizz. Cum Apple Cum, my mouth says cum. Cum. Cum.

Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum. Cum it. Cut it. Cut it. Cut it. Cut it. Cut it. Cut it. Cut it. I'm a Quincy Jones' best work. I'm a.

I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a.

I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a.

I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. Oh, Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando? Yeah. Because for the period where Marlon Brando would have been, and it's fun to touch on, like, five-year-late pop culture stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is perfect. I think 100 Men Could Take a Gorilla. Do you know about this story? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that they, yeah. Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando.

By the time Richard Pryor was, like, getting famous enough that he would have run across Marlon Brando, Marlon Brando was firmly into his... Like, 50s? Maybe not a belt with these pants region of his mind. He was working on his part of darkness sides. Yeah. That's hottest Brando.

I think so too. That's way cooler. I think so too. Yeah, I'm not sure if I was a young, Richard Pryor, which one I'd be into, but as a young woman right now, I'm into older women. Older Brando, you're talking about the score.

You're talking about 1994. What did Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando do? Sexed, dude. They sexed. According to Quacey Jones. Well, it was back in the day, so they actually just sent each other erotic letters. Who was it?

I said, I'm thinking about your bad boy. Yeah. Just ran on a treadmill, so it got real sweaty. Drifted on the letter and put in the mail. A lot of people don't know that Brando coined the term you up. Yeah. Yeah. In a dirty letter to Friday early.

He said you. And it was you, it was just you. Yeah, it was just you. Yeah, it was you. He was like, well, why now? Because he was already lazy. He did you. Here we are back in person.

I forgot to mention the last four of these we did. We are now live and in person. Our goal is to be live and in person with each other. And also you can watch All Fantasy Everything on YouTube. And your Roku. And on your Roku. Let's just start saying stuff and maybe it comes through. You can tell your aunt that you're on television.

That we're on television. On your Roku flame device. Yeah, and on ABC. We're on Pluto Television. We're live from Roku City. You can jailbreak a Chromecast, dude. You could watch it that way. Yeah.

That might, can you jailbreak a Chromecast? I was just trying to be funny. We're on Chevron. How does it cut that? Sorry. I think took his headphones off because he hated that joke so much. Cut what I said about the Chromecast

so it just seems like David's being like, can you jailbreak the Chromecast? We're being blasted at a Gitmo. Oh man. To torture people. Yo, that would make me so sad. That would be awful. That would really be.

On multiple levels, cause it's like, hey, they're torturing people, and be us? Yeah. The boys? The boys? Sometimes I get it. The bad dudes?

Do you ever hear, okay, This is maybe the least relatable thing ever You ever hear yourself in a podcast clip and you're like, that's the thirstiest I've ever Sounded wait, what do you mean like literally there's super your sex? No, just like just like it's the it's the it's the the neediest your voice ever Shut up, bro. Yogurt Apple Nut doesn't play that game. They never, you never, sorry. Yogurt Apple Nut. Not a bad calorie count on all the Yogurt Apple Nut, Isaac. Are they good? Sounds pretty good.

Two tan, that's not bad, right, for a tasty snack, a midday snack? For a high fat content type of snack, that's really good. Can we secure Carl's mixed nut? Nut? Mixed nut? You didn't have to say it like, speaking of thirsty, holy we secure cars mixed nut? Mix nut sponsorship, I think we just did hell yeah with you saying that Bud light platinum I I thought you were blood knight, blood knight? Blood knight platinum? Blood knight platinum? That new bad man movie is fucked up

Blood knight platinum dude That sounds Laura wouldn't let me go to that That's what I call my 69 charger I was gonna do I thought you were blood light diamond But the joke fell apart Or it kind of improved itself I love it, I love blood knight

Blood knight platinum I had a chat GPT installed in between my brain and my tongue. Hey, are you using that? Because it's really seeping into my life. I don't use it. I don't use it either. More people than you think use it. Everyone. Oh, dude.

Surprising amounts of people. Every email I think is probably chat GPT. I was in a, I fight with my brother by text like all day, every day. We stay very close that way. I weirdly knew about that about you because I watched you on another podcast. How's that feel? You do another pocket we didn't know that other podcast we we thought this is the first Though and we'll have him back. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, we consider ourselves an option We're in rawins? I just dropped out there. I just dropped out there and dropped on the floor. Get out of there!

Okay, speaking of thirsty. I'll never do that again. That felt so bad. I really liked it. That felt nasty. But we were talking about GBC because he uses it all the time. Your brother does? Yes, and we were fighting about it. It was like, dude, everybody is using it for, I think every young person is using it for everything.

Like, texts, emails, homework, communication. Like, using it as a friend, using it as like a therapist. Which is fucking insane to me. Shachi BT is my best friend, I heard that recently. I listen to a thing on NPR where this kid was like, he was like some major star athlete and he was like, I talk to Shachi BT more than I talk to my family and I build workout plans with him.

So I was like, that sucks. I've never used it, so you can just talk in a chat. I don't know, I've never used it, I'm morally opposed. I can't make myself do it. I feel the same way, I will not used it so like you can just talk in the chat. I guess I've never used it. I'm really post I can't make myself do it. I feel the same way. I will not do it I heard some shit the other day though a couple my boys were talking and these dudes like outlined a plan to get I don't know how to I'm just realizing No, no, no, no that would be way

I'm just realizing I'm like. To get pussy. No, no, no, no, that would be way, that would be way less, you know what's funny? Can I say what they did and you beep out the whole thing and put a bar over my face? Yes, yes. So they. And I was like.

And was it good? Yeah, the movie's already been made. Oh my God. Yeah, it was. And been made. Oh my God. Yeah, it was, and that made me wish that I was into it. Me too. Well, you know, I guess there's certain things that, well, there are people who would have done that job for them doing that same thing before,

and it sucks that that's now not a job. But also I sort of see the merit in using it for that. If it's accurate. But you know, there are people who have been like see the merit in using it for that? If it's accurate. But you know, there are people who have been like using it instead of a lawyer, or lawyers use it, and it spits out like wrong information. Yes, people are making like huge mistakes.

Huge mistakes. Also using it instead of a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Yeah. That's bad. I mean, I've been fucking it, but I don't talk to it. No, no, no. You can fuck, you can fuck. Just like real life! That's bad. I mean, I've been fucking it, but I don't talk to it. No. That's it. You can fuck that.

Just like real life. What's the difference, baby? I got sex mixed sex from chat GBT. I've been fucking grok, dude. I heard you were dumped in the series. I heard you back in LA. Keeps asking you to location share. Yeah.

Who all's there? Who all's there? Who's there? I just want to know who's there. Who's there? Sounds fun, who's there? I just, I know, everyone's using it. I will raise my son in the fucking woods. There's just no, like,

it seems like, it's such a slippery slope too. And I think that, you know that fear when you send a stupid text message or email? I think that's an integral part of life, man. Totally it is. You need that. Totally it is. Is that kind of an embarrassment?

I truly believe so much of my creativity is due to me trying to finagle myself into talking to like a girl. Or going over arguments in my head after I already lost them. I've gotten whole bits out of that, and now we're losing how to do it. Also, figuring out how to cheat without the assistance of a computer,

like in school and everything like that, that's important development. It's way more respectable. It was hard, it was sweaty, it was all rubbing off, I caught a lot, very important. Like citing fake sources, all that stuff. You gotta work to cheat. You should have to work to cheat.

Yes, that's true, yeah. It's its own work. That's so true. For something to be easy enough for you to get away with it, you need to put in some work. Cause I was at eighth grade graduation recently, and these kids were- Congratulations by the way.

Yeah, I'm very proud of you. I told you it was gonna happen, man. Come on. Algebra's rough. Class of 25, staying alive, we did it. No big deal, no big deal, no the way. Yeah, I'm very proud of you. I told you it was going to happen, man. Come on. Algebra's rough. Class of 25, staying alive. We did it. No big deal. No big deal.

No big deal. I went so badly to see you in a little hat with all those kids. Come on. That's so fun. Just for like me? Like a beard? Yeah, I did. You literally just did.

They said we couldn't do it. They wouldn't let me play football? Yeah. School sucks, hey? Blood Midnight, finally graduates. I'm smoking cigarettes and drinking a beer at the same time. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm football. Yeah. Yeah. School sucks, honey.

Blood Midnight, finally graduates. I'm smoking cigarettes and drinking a beer at the same time. We were at this thing, and my little brother, I was there, my cousin was graduating, it was me and my little brother sitting next to each other. These kids are giving speeches, and my little brother's like, that's all chappy GBT. Yeah. And I was like, what?

He's like, yeah, you could totally tell. Yeah, it was like, and then it was like a really scary realization where brother's like, that's all chappy GBT. Yeah. And I was like, what? He's like, yeah, you could totally tell. It was like a really scary realization where you're like, oh, fuck me. Yeah. I hate to be this person, but it's like, literacy is down as hell. And reading is like one of the only things I like. And I wonder if kids are going to read anymore.

Or they're just going to get summaries and talk to a robot all day. I sound old- Maybe it'll cycle back like records or something. Yeah. Oh, look at the book. You have vintage books. I was fighting with my brother all day

and then he sent me, to spite me, he sent me an AI summary of my career. Oh! And it was, hey, hey, hey, hey, it was glowing, it was glowing. Oh, okay. And, and- That fucked me up.

Or a piece that fucked me up. No, you're assuming it was really bad. It was glowing. Oh, okay. And, and... That fucked me up. What a piece of fucking... No, I was assuming it was really bad. He got you. Where it was like, do we need to stop? Do we need to stop? Sorry about that. I'm a failure.

No, and that was me reflecting me. That wasn't how I feel about you. That was me so scared of what it would say to me. No, it terrified me because I saw the beginning of it and it was like, pretty good. I was like, ah, maybe this guy's all right. Yeah, okay. Maybe I'll spend some time with John.

You'll see. What do you think I should do next? Yeah. When my book came out on Amazon, there were three other books about me that were written completely by AI with an AI generated image on the cover that looked like a vague version of me.

I'm gonna see if I can find it. I remember this. This was awesome. That's so crazy. You know what's crazy? That you said that, I was on Instagram the other day being messy, right? Just like I was on Instagram scrolling through my For You page and I caught some comedian drama, right?

I'll tell you guys about what it was afterwards, right? I catch the comedian drama, it's somebody doing a front-facing video saying some stuff on Top of it. It has the AI Blank comedian controversy you click it and it gives you an AI summary Dude, who is a open micers? Controversy why it's the scariest shit that's happened to me on the internet. I travel some strange circles It's gonna change the world. It's gonna make all it's like we're learning about Jacob

That's what it was. I clicked it I clicked it and it was like so and so is a comedian from X small town So and he's had some controversies in the last year and then it like listen But then it was like then it was like but controversy is common in the world of comedy It was- See, Carlos, but see. Yeah, yes. It was like one of the scarier things

that's happened to me on the computer. That is frightening. It fucking sucked, man. Speaking of the Explore page, my husband is totally offline, God bless him forever. Good beautiful. Utterly offline, man has no interest in it, but for his job had to like make an account.

It's not even like, so he's not even putting his name on it or anything. But I was like, Oh, I'm going to go follow you. And I clicked my explore page in front of him for the first time. Oh no. Isaac even better. And he was like, he's like, I know you're like kind of gay. Oh no. Booms. But that's crazy. The same thing happened to Sean. I'm sure it's true. All of us, you click one video and then a different time. Mine's four pages, it's gotten hornier than it was. Mine's not great.

I honestly don't look... I don't either, but you would think that that's all I do. Guys, we don't have to do this. Just sitting on the airplane. Come on, guys, it's us. David, you first and then trust us. It's me and Peek, baby. You don't gotta be like that. Come on the airplane. Come on guys. David you first and then trust us. You don't gotta be like that. Come on baby.

Show the camera your sport page and then I promise I will too. I genuinely don't. Mine is actually better than it ever has been. Is yours tame? It's become a lot more violent than it has been sexual. Mine's actually pretty safe. And that's better for me. Oh this is alright. It's skateboarding and shoes and like two bikinis. You know mine's not so safe right now. And that's better for me. Oh this is alright, skateboarding in shoes and like two bikinis.

You know mine's not so bad right now either. Yeah, mine's like a guy lifting weights. I got James Austin's. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's pretty good. I mean obviously. Yeah, they were gonna get some of that. I got how to throw a curveball on here, six pairs of shoes. Tell your wife. That's what it says. I got a meatball parm.

Across a woman's chest. Tell your wife this is a meatball parm. Not until you're honest with your wife, that's what it says. Ooh, I got a meatball farm. Across a woman's chest. Tell your wife this is a video. Not until you're honest with your wife. This is a guy skateboarding. Laura, this is a mess. I will sometimes be like, I gotta watch some skate videos real quick just to balance it out. Balance the old algorithm out.

All right, now that we've all made it look like we have a really safe explorer page. No, this was a good move. Isaac, release, Isaac released this clip and just sort of add all of us Skip when this starts Isaac put this on the front Alana skip forward to 43 minutes For me just a bunch of Bible verses yeah workout videos at home, not having to spend money on equipment, that kind of thing. Mine just says 100% straight. But I mean, it says. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Well, the algorithm would lie. I don't even know what the, I was trying to think of what a funny picture would be, and I couldn't even think. Oh, what the hell? For some reason, it's like one of those corn,

those fruit cornucopias to me that I love that I love pretty straight. Yeah, that's that's straight behavior for a woman. That's straight. That feels very straight woman that's I don't know why like the fruit of the Like if a dude's looking if a dude's looking at it he's like, oh she's okay This is what would be on a straight woman's experience. David, David had two options here.

It was like a hot man, which for some reason didn't go with that. But then he's like, but then if it's gay, if it's, it can't be like a hot lady, it can't be anything so hyper feminine, because then that could also be considered gay. Let's go with inanimate objects that contain fruit. But brightly colored.

Very brightly colored, in a gay way. In a gay way. It's like a wink and a nod to the girls. Yeah. You know what this is. You let the gals steal. No. That's just funny.

Maybe it's because it's the opposite of phallic. Maybe it's a little really untoward. Yeah, I was only thinking round fruit. Oh yeah. Like a bunch of grapes. It receives. A cornucopia receives. It is also like, it is like a big hole

that you're filling with stuff. That's so true. Well that's what I was saying, but yeah. Like a cornucopia. But poetic. Yeah, but poetic. It was a cornucopia. David just graduated eighth grade.

Don't do that to him. It's a big hole that you've filled. It's the biggest word I know. Sean Patrick Jordan is here. Well, not anymore, Sean Patrick Jordan, real name Sean Patrick Jordan. Wow. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.

Yeah, we're on YouTube, baby. We're on YouTube. Jew-tube. He said it. It's on me. There we are. That's gonna be in my algorithm. Yeah, I don't know about the dates. That's all right, dude. You know.

Nobody's coming. They'll be on Instagram. Bro. Follow me on Instagram. Send me some fight videos. Get that explore page back to where it needs to be. That's about it. Nice, dude.

Listen to this. David Borty's here. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram in the studio. I'm gonna go ahead and do a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit back to where it needs to be. That's about it. Listen to this. David Borey's here, coolguyjokes87 on Instagram, in the studio.

Birth of a Nation. Girl, then, you can keep going. I'll be with Blair Saki, July 11th through 13th in Portland, Oregon. Sorry, come to those. And tomorrow in the studio. Wait, 11 through 13? No, I'll be gone.

Yeah, July 11th. Yeah, is it tomorrow? My god. Can we say that? We don't know when we're recording. I said, and tomorrow in the studio Oh, yeah, Blair will be here tomorrow They'll be weeks from now, but they'll be excited when they see this. Yeah. Yeah, the big dogs coming up big dog

I have a real big dog bark. It would bum everyone up. Arr! It was half doing a big dog bark and half like on a jet ski, like on the back of a jet ski. A man sleeping in a car. Hangin' on Sucked by Wig. Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub.

Smells like gas. Yeah, yeah. I do, jet ski has those big bubbly motor sounds. Yeah, those are nice. Oh, but when you're coming into the harbor, that blub blub blub blub blub. Oh, that is so satisfying. I can feel it, I can feel the harbor, that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, that is so satisfying. I can feel it.

I can feel the vibration of it. And then you shut it off, everything's calm, you just kind of glide in. One of the saddest things of my life is that I finally earned enough money that I could afford to buy a jet ski, but my life does not contain the infrastructure to own and maintain it.

Because you need a truck, you need a trailer, you need a driver's license. You need a reli... You need a driver's license. Definitely need a... You might even need a jet ski license, I don't even know. Not me.

You need a reliable body of water that you're gonna take it to all the time. That's what fucked me up. The first thing I... No jokes. That's what you're talking about. That's what you're talking about. That could ruin my jet ski.

That could ruin my jet ski, understand? That could ruin my jet ski. I got to LA. I was living in the Flophouse ruin my jet ski. I got to LA. I was living in the Flophouse in Glendale. I got a TV writing job, and the first thing I did when I found out how much I was going to be making a week, because it was such a jump up from what I'd been making a week, just like a struggling stand-up comedian in Portland,

I was like, that's got to be enough for a jet ski. And it was, but then you start doing jet ski math, and you're like, trailer, something to pull it. I got to get a Hollywood movie. A Hollywood movie every week. and it was, but then you start doing jet ski math and you're like, trailer, something to pull it. And it was a ride away. You can take it to big bear every week. It's like launching it off the pier or something. You can't just take it to the ocean.

No. You're in the Venice canals. You're solo by the way. Just like, you can do them on the ocean. You can do them on the ocean, but then you gotta like. But how you get out there. You can, oh yeah, you can. Just right there in Baywatch Beach.

They tow out big wave surfers with jet skis. Oh. Well that's. Are they recreational? You overplayed your hand, dude. Now we know you don't live that life. They surfers with jet skis. Oh. Well that's, are they recreational? You overplayed your hand dude, now we know you don't live that life. They're not recreational jet skiers though. You think they're big wave jet skis? I think that they're out there doing that, I don't think they're out there also riding with jet skis.

What do you think Miami's a... He doesn't think the owner of the, he doesn't think the rider of the Big J, Big J Wetski. The Big J Wetski blood, blood midnighter? Write that down. I'm writing down Big J Wetzky. The Big J Wetzky. No, Big J Wetzky. You got it, Midnight or What? Write that down. I'm writing down Big J Wetzky. I'm not that guy. What's your name? Come applesauce, Big J Wetzky, and blood Midnight.

My name's Yogurt Apple Nut. That's my first day for today. Yogurt Apple Nut, Big J Wetzky, and blood Midnight. That's my first day. That's my first day. They got fuckberry killed. Big J Wetzky. You can't ski to in Lake Michigan unless you talk to Big J. Wetzky first.

Big J. Wetzky. But he's actually from Wisconsin. His name is Wetzky. Big J. Wetzky is something said over the top of glasses in an 80's movie. Big J. Wetzky. Reagin' you'll have to go talk to Big J. Wetzky. Alright. Oh my god. I reckon you'll have to go talk to Big Jay Wetzky. All right, so we've got your life jacket, you've got the jet ski lease,

but just one thing to clear first, have you talked to Big Jay Wetzky? You can't just go to Pismo or Redondo with a jet ski. Your boy was right by Pismo just last weekend, and your boy is me in this case, too. I'm about to go Pismoed right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm about to go Pizmo'd right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry like I'm making a joke about us being married. It's in it. It would be awesome if you never said that this whole episode. No, well, yeah, they don't know. These people don't know. Sometimes I'm telling Laura after the show, and you're like, I don't really call these conversations. I call Laura and I'm like, they fucking sucked up here in Portland in it. The first episode I did with y'all,

we were talking about something like, kind of hypersexual, I think. And Sean was like, I gotta ask Laura about that. And I was like, gotta ask Laura about that It's cool if I'm naked all the time Shawn's an all-the-time naked guy. I'm probably 60 40 I was up shorts on if I'm not so. It takes me a long time to...

Why was that so funny? It was. Leave it in. Leave it in because I want you to see the real me. That's right. What'd you draw? All of me. You can't say, you can't invoke Big Jay Wetzky's name

without summoning his spirit. David just starts getting naked and we don't notice. No, I was gonna say. Now you have to put a bar over the whole body. It takes me a long time to get the motor started in the morning. Okay. Because I wake up naked and then it takes me a long time to get it, you know what I mean?

Yeah. And the problem with naked is you do one chore naked, you do three chores naked. I guess if you start seeing how possible it is, that's when that's been my thing. I know. Here's my rule start seeing how possible it is. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's when, that's when my rule is. Here's my rule though, that's been helping me a lot lately, don't feed the animals naked. Okay, why?

Wait, what, why? It feels perverse. It is a perverse. You gotta sort of, I would've put clothes on way before that. It feels bad. They might accept you into their, like, they might not. They're pack.

They're pack. They might stop seeing you as an authority figure towards a peer. You'd be like, Bogley. It's not even that, it's just that the dog is at the height that... Right in that level. Oh yeah. Oh, right at the Big Jay Wetzky.

I was talking about the Big Jay Wetzky. Yeah. What's going on with that thing? I wasn't talking about my yogurt apple nut. My Big Jay Wetzky is right at the boat launch. Dad, do you think Bad Dude's a weird name for it? You can see my big J. Wetzky in these pants. Started throwing on some chubbies around the dogs

because my big J. Wetzky's right about the boat launch level for them. Laura, I shaved all around my big J. Wetzky. Oh my god, don't use my name. Laura's my wife. Laura's my wife in this situation. Which Laura? Oh my wife. Laura's my wife in this situation. Which Laura? Oh my God. Is Scorpion from Mortal Kombat on the back of your shirt?

No, it's an Adidas logo I think. You on Molly? It looks a little bit like, turn around, show the camera. It looks a little bit like Scorpion. Turn around, stick it out. Even White Boy's got to show. Looks a little bit like Scorpion. Looks a little bit like Scorpion. Looks a little bit like Scorpion.

Scorpion doesn't have half-fingered gloves. No, not yet. Not yet, not until I get my hands on the franchise. I just want to go back and put a pin in it. You didn't think jet skis could go in the ocean. What do you think Miami's entire economy is based on? That's true. Black coal, cocaine, and ocean-going jet skis.

How do they get it there? I've seen some guys on YouTube take a jet ski from the DR to Miami. That's so sick. Yeah. My YouTube's crazy. Is there any sort of law, can you take a jet ski out past like the breaker wave

and go into the ocean for real? There's ocean law, the law of the seas might stop you from doing it. But no government. You're talking about ocean law again. Yeah, who's gonna tell you, Sebastian? Who's gonna fucking, you're good. What if you put a bunch of gas on a jet ski

and just wanted to do it to Hawaii? Could you do that? Hawaii. Well, our friend Kurt Braunwiller tried to take a jet ski from the top of the Mississippi down to the bottom of it. No, he did not. On the Mississippi? He didn't make it, but he tried.

Wait, did he? They're sure the whole time. I'm saying like, can you get a jet ski out into the deep ocean? You can jet ski to a Caribbean island. But here, okay, here's my question. Yes, he did, he made it. That's crazy.

That's what an interesting fact. You two jet ski to the DR. All right. It's a guy riding a jet ski to his doctor's office. It's just in a dude's garage with like three ounces of coke. We're jet skiing to the DR, baby. It says it's not possible to jet ski into the DR maybe? It's not possible to jet ski directly

to the Dominican Republic from Los Angeles. Yes it is. Why, because you can't take a jet ski across the Panama Canal? If you want to go over the Straits of Magellan or Panama Canal, yeah. Miami. You know why they're shutting down the Humza Strait

is because people are trying to jet ski through. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well that's what this whole, I don't want to get too into it, but that's what this whole thing is trying to do. I know Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well that's what this whole, I don't wanna get too into it, but that's what this whole thing is. I know what the hums are straight is. Trying to distract you from the fact that people are trying to DR to Miami.

Oh, I was gonna say, this is truly dumb. Yeah. You dead in period, that's it. This whole thing. Everything we've done. What I'm about to say is dumb. Say we own a jet ski. All four of us go in on a ski.

We could do that after this. And you're asking questions about like getting it out into the open ocean. I'm literally asking how we get that jet ski in the water. That's period. Seriously, do you back up a truck on Santa Monica Beach? You can't, there's no way. They have boat launches, bro.

Yeah, you just can't. They have boat launches, bro. I knew it had to be easy. I can take a boat out on Santa Monica Beach, too. I can just take a boat out in the ocean. Not on the one next to, like the one next to the the Ferris wheel and everything. Not on the swimming part, like the pier.

No, but there will be marinas that have boat launches where it's like a road that goes into water. I know what a boat launches. That's so stupid. With a boat trailer. I was like, I know what a boat launches. I don't know, I don't know. Lake, Lake Elvin.

Okay, I don't know that you did. Keep naming lakes. Lake Pahoya. Lake Wadapisaki. Lake Huron. Lake Michigan. Erie, bro. Bro.

Bro, what is it? Erie, bro. Superior, bro. Lake Vermillion. Lake Oswego, dude. Lake Oswego, bro. Redondo Lake. Stand up jetski from Miami to Bahamas, can it be done?

They're talking about it on r slash jet ski on Reddit. Ha ha, gonna go ahead and join that community. If you don't find it there, Google two possibly Dominican brothers take jet skis. Possibly Dominican. From Miami to the D, I've seen it. I'm gonna Google it and then I wanna look at what my explore page is later.

Okay, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be possibly and then I wanna look at what my explore page is later. Okay, yay! It's gonna be possibly Dominican. Got a lot of David Ortiz. Uh, Big Jay Wetzky's here. Where can people see you? At Laura Peak Live, weird. Come out and see me on the fucking waves, dog. Where the fuck can't you see me? People see you at Laura Pig live weird Yeah, exactly that's gonna be great. That's prime time Wetski land weather.

I know, exactly. Middle of the summer. Is it still in that big building, the BOV? I think it's still in that huge building. I haven't been in years. I'm going there in October. I'm excited. Grand Rapids, right? Yeah. When I was there, the elevator was out. Me too, actually!

Yeah, you really feel that. Oh, for sure. It's a big old building. It's like six, seven, eight stories. Ooh, and all that. Yeah, like a big industrial building. Who feels like laughing after they walk up six flights of stairs?

What? Who feels like laughing after that? Feels serious. Is that what you're telling yourself about your set, dude? Damn, dude. Don't attack my core like that You're next everybody find our camera, yeah Got quiet dude, that's the quiet part of all fantasy everything I'm talking about

Sorry I said that. That's all right. I heard it. Not a problem. Did you actually do a set thing? We're not fighting, but. No, I'm going in October. Come on.

That's fine. Yeah. So it was merely a jest. A jape. A jape. Absurd. Oh, my hands are sweaty. You're going to be bummed out.

My name is Ian Carmel. Do you have any other dates you'd like to promote? Anything else? There's a lot of stuff. Yeah, get on with it. Dr. Grins is the suitest, but I'm an expert bummed out. My name's Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel. Do you have any other dates you'd like to promote? Anything else? There's a lot of stuff, hi. Yeah, get a little out there.

No, Dr. Grins is the student, but I'm on Instagram at Laura Peak Live, and all my dates are there. Fantastic. Yeah. My name's Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, Blue Sky, all those places. My special, Come From Beyond God's Foresight, available now, book, t-shirt Swim Club.

Apropos for today. And that's it, I have nothing else to promote. Two of my fingers made it in between your thumb and your pointer. I was gonna say, we got a real old, I understand that you did that, he's kinda doming you. Yeah dude. He was pretending like he was apologizing. He's doming the shit out of you. Yeah, you're Yeah. Fucked up, bro. He was pretending like he was apologizing.

Yeah, but he's stronger than me. Yeah, you're really getting cucked right now. Get over here. Isaac, help me out. Isaac, put a beep and a black bar over what they're doing. Get over here and fucking break your nose. Isaac, come kick Ian in his jet ski. My wet ski.

That's so lazy, like, oh, my jet ski? No, it's my dick. I'm never gonna stop thinking about that. I'm never gonna stop thinking about that. Yeah, it's really good, Big Jay Wetski. It's really very good. We're gathered here not to talk about Big Jay Wetski, although I do think he, they, she will come up later.

They. They will come up later. We're here instead to draft snacks for a middle school pool party. I think we are all roughly, Sean and I may be older, but roughly the same age groupish. Yeah. Yeah.

43. 21. 38. I'm 19. I went too low. I'm the only honest one. I showed you my belly and you made me suffer for it. Just like you did with those eighth graders.

Come on! I never got to see the belly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no belly for the eighth graders. I could have had prison break tattoos as far as. That was covered in a knockoff Fubu shirt my mom got me at the African store. At the African store.

Boofoo? Fubu shirt my mom got me at the African All the teachers being like I don't. I don't know what that means. It's probably fine. I don't want to wear the boo-boo shirt. Boo-boo is so funny. Wear it. To try to be like, no, guys. I don't know. Because I don't know. Tell the principal, like, I have no idea what I mean.

I'm sorry. Because a kid would get that. Like, if you walked in with boo-boo, it's butt fuck by second beer. That's your new name by Second Peers. And for the rest of your natural life. Even some teacher, the right teacher would call you that. Yeah. The one who was also the defensive line coach.

Exactly. Teaches history. Special Ed. That was his name. No, I had a D-line coach and I remember I saw him talking to one of the other coaches one time Yeah, and he was like his name is Ed, but he's like, but the ladies call me special ed And I thought you don't get it My boy butt fuck And we'd like to dance He's like hot, right? Oh no Ed. It's my boy Buttfuck, I'm special Ed.

And we like to dance. Cause I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom. Oh fuck. Yo Svesh, what Boo-Boo? Then they have to talk about it the next day. Oh fuck Then they have to talk about it the next day last night was fun But I kind of got vibed out I wish you wouldn't have left to go kiss but fucking Your wife seemed pretty mad She married a guy named but fuck

Well to be fair she, she married a guy named Budfuck. Well, to be fair, she thought she married Boofoo. She did marry Boofoo. She didn't know. She was dating Boofoo. She was dating Boofoo. Married, but fuck. We're drafting snacks for a middle school pool party. Do you Budfuck Wetzky? I'm Mrs. Budfuck Wetzky.

Budfuck Wetzky. Buttfuckwetsky? Hyphenated Hyphenated It's Boopfook And I'm your substitute teacher I'm sweating The gilded age, what was it? Oh my gosh I'm sweating my little cranberries off

Uh, your little cranberries? Just a round little fruit that's what they would have called you little cranberries round little fruit I had sex when I was 13 David snacks for a middle school pool party that's right

shots first thing is lube lube when I was 13 I had a little little little little I was 13 David Heat it's in 69 degrees, nice. That is cool, that is cool. No, keep it there, that's cool. That's cool, no, no, no, we can't. What if he just did keep turning it up a little bit?

Is my mic still okay? I think the laughing knocked it off. Okay, Greg, Greg, Greg. Oh, man. Now the way we determine the order of this trap is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Damn. Ooh, cat.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Laura wins a paper against two scissors in a natural victory, but a victory nonetheless. I like that. Laura, as the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.

What does that mean? I'm cramping. It's a great question. It's a great question from the field. Call my girlfriend. I'm gonna call her. I'm gonna call mean? It's a great question. It's a great question. It's a great question from the field. Call my girlfriend. Call her.

She saved his big J West key in my car. It's big J West key. Get over here. Siri, call Big J. Tell her it happened again. Chat, GPT, make up a lie. A wet lie. A wet lie.

It's if you're trying to take your jet ski out on the ocean and you think there's a, what do you call it, a boat? What do you call it? A boat launch. A boat launch. A boat launch. Over here and then there's not one, so you go over here and look and there's not one, so you go back to where you were,

you look again and you go back and forth. That's a different one than I was gonna have, but it's pertinent to you. Pertinent. Pertinent. Pertinent, pertinent. Basically, it means if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, with that in mind,

what will the order of today's draft be? I'd like the order to be, I wanna go first. Yes. Okay. And then, Bori, and then Sean, and then Ian. Hot corner. Hot corner! The order is Laura, David, Sean, Ian. We're gonna get to Laura's pick,

the first pick in the draft, right after this short break. With new McValue at McDonald's, you get more than you expect for breakfast. Like buy a sausage burrito and add a sausage McMuffin for a dollar. Get more than you expect with new McValue at McDonald's. Prices and participation may vary.

Valid for item of equal or lesser value. With a $5 meal deal with new McValue, you pick a Prices and participation may vary. Valid for item of equal or lesser value. With a $5 meal deal with new McValue, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices and participation may vary. McDouble meals $6 in some markets for a limited time only.

And we're back, welcome back to All Van to See Everything. The only podcast that is brought to you by Sean Jordan's Little Round Fruit. We are drafting snacks for a middle school pool party. Can we clear this up before we get too deep? Yes. Is it coed or not? That's important for middle school. In my mind it is coed.

Very good question. But in my mind yes it was coed. So you got the added pressure of the opposite sex. Yeah. That does. That's how your fist full of chili that you were gonna pick. You know when you're bare-handed in the chili at the all-dudes?

I'm talking mouth nachos, which is where you have one hand to lose cheese, one hand to chili. I know what mouth nachos you got. Well honestly, to me it was just like, if there weren't any girls there, I would have animal shaped stuff, but now that there's girls there,

there's no animals. Save our lives. I love your line. Cause you can't let chicks know. Can't let the chicks see you. Can't let the cotties and dino know you see you. Yeah, those dinos, okay, okay. Is the bottle ahead of you shaped like a giraffe?

Yeah. Dino Pudding for the jigs In for girls, out for boys. You make hard eye contact. No, you're not pump swallowing the puddings in front of chicks. Jess, I can't scream. Maybe now. You're gonna use a spoon, you're not gonna use your tongue. Pump swallow is crazy. It's your time for your first pick. Alright, my first pick was so easy, far and away. The reason I pitched this is because I was having

like a fantasy about this. And like sixth grade, you hop out of that pool, soaking wet, you go to the table, classic rigid ruffle in some fucking generic onion dip. Oh yeah. The onion dip. And it's got who knows what in it. I can't remember that brand.

Do you remember that brand? It was like white and green. Yes. Yeah, and it just would say like French onion and whatever name of the grocery store. Was it the low wide one? Yeah. It was the tall, it was like this.

Step down from a cool whip tub. Exactly. They made them in both, because they made them like a little more, like there were levels to it. Deans? I like the Deans. Let me see the picture. They all look like this though. You could get like Safeway brand or whatever they all look like that. I think we probably just got Kroger brand in Tennessee. I think that's what we're working with. Oh yeah very similar to that. Yeah I had that though. Because French onion just green just meant French onion for some reason. Yeah and Ruffles

hold the chip. They hold some dip. The architecture of a ruffle. I don't even really, I don't like love a ruffle. I like the sour cream and onion, or not the sour cream. Cheddar and sauerkraut. Cheddar and sauerkraut. That's the best chip.

That's the top tier chip. That went like second in the chip draft. Okay, makes sense. But aside from that, I'm not really fucking with ruffles that often, it's not my main chip. Plain ruffle, I want some salt, some rigid salt. It's a hard salt chef playing ruffle I want some salt rigid salt. It's a hard salt on the mouth. Yeah. Yeah, it is Yeah, it's a hard salt on the mouth, but particular look at me again when you say it Sean it's a hard salt on the mouth

It's a hard salt on the mouth. I can't I can't do the hard salt Isaac it's a hard salt mouth. Pass that on. Isaac, it's a hard salt in the mouth. Hard salt in the mouth. Go tell someone on the street, here, there's a hard salty mouth in here. And if I hadn't. Maybe open the door, they need to know what we're doing.

We had to criticize. No, they don't. They don't need to know what they're paying for. But for some reason, with that dip specifically, I want that classic just salt, rigid ruffle. Absolutely. You know the only problem? With the ruffle mixed with my chlorine mouth,

it hurts a lot. See, I don't like that though. Oh, you wanna- That's a good pain. You were one of those kids. That's a good pain on the pool day. You were about two years away from your first cigarette. I probably had had it by then.

Yeah! Sixth grade, we were fucking with some cigarettes before. I was gonna say. We'd stolen a Virginia slip from Bobby before. I'm dark smoke. By the way, all these pigs, I'm smoking the entire thing. You're ripping a camel snorkel.

That's right. Where's Laurie? Just a bunch of puffs of smoke coming from a snorkel. You can hear the hollow laugh coming out. I want to smoke a cig through a snorkel now. That's what I thought adulthood was going to be. Yeah, don't be. Doing stuff like that.

You can do that. So true. You can do that. Oh, man. Do we feel like we've lost our, like has dip technology sort of hit a speed bump? I don't think they even try to sell us chips and dip like that anymore. I don't think they do. No, you get the bean bean dip though bean dips and like the hot bean dip in the chip What's the last development in bean dip?

Hammer-in-a-nail man. It doesn't need to boy. What else you look I'm saying? I'm rarely by I mean I got maybe that's just adulthood or whatever But it's like I'm rarely buying a store-bought dip anymore Yeah, it's very easy to throw a dip together as an adult, you put beans, corn, whatever. But I was like, nothing's gonna taste like, I'm not gonna make a French onion dip that's gonna taste like those chemicals. And I don't know if I have that

about any store-bought dips. You know what I get? I get the bitchin' sauce a lot. You guys ever get bitchin' sauce? Oh, sure, sure, sure. It might be more of a Portland thing, but it's everywhere, right? It's everywhere. We have it in the griddle.

I love it. It's so good. Yeah, it's like newer dip. It's got like a edgy dude with a mustache on it. It's called bitchin' sauce. With dip and chip, if I'm buying it, I'm like a gear crisis guy where I'm getting the Fritos with the Frito bean dip. Definitely.

Oh, brand loyalty. You know what I'm saying? Ruffles with the ruffle ridge. Cause I just assume, yeah, it's not bad. I assume they've run some tests in the back where they're like this. They do go better together. I like that. Yeah, it's not bad. I assume they've done some, they've run some tests in the back where they're like this. They do go better together. Yeah, I assume that.

It can exist in both worlds but it goes better together. I love an onion dip. And I'm with you, I make a lot of dips at home now. If I'm entertaining, I do a number of dips. But that French onion, I've never, all the dips I make at home, I've never gotten it to be as good.

And I do make, I make a good caramelized onion dip. I really do. But it's something about the sweat on a hot day. And you're scooping that layer of just condensation off the top of it. That's what makes it French. Yeah. The sweat. The unmitigated sweat.

And my cigarette. Wee wee. Yeah. Just dip it in a bag of that and come out as a boo. And my skinny little cigarette. You only need to dip. Dave Borey, come for your first bite. Oh, man, no questions at Pizza Bagels.

Let's go! Okay! Not even, the crunch, like, I like it when the pizza bagel is a little bit burnt and whatever generic meat on top has a little char to it. Absolutely. Cube of... Cube of... Cubed ham. Cube of, cube of.

Cubed ham. I think this is, I bet it was supposed to, is it supposed to be pepperoni? Yeah, it's cubed pepperoni. It's probably ham, but I think it's supposed to be pepperoni. You can get yourself into a ham pizza bagel. A ham jam. You know the right, you can get yourself into a ham jam.

You gotta know a guy. You gotta get. You gotta know a guy. I got myself into a ham pickle. Well, well, well, you got what I did. If this don't beat all, I found myself into a ham pickle. Well, well, well, you're doing it again. If there's no beat-all, I found myself in quite the ham pickle today. I'm in a ham pickle, I can't be there.

I'm gonna be late. What's great about the pizza bagel is that even, certainly was on my list, of course. Yeah, I know. But even when you get that good crisp on it, that shit is so mushy and gooey. We're gargling that. Oh, I love that.

I love that texture. There's no real consistency of texture throughout a pizza bagel ever. You know what I was. It's never happened. It's never happened. It's sort of a relay race run between the oven and the sun. Yeah.

That's so beautiful. Thank you very much. I wrote that earlier today. David said, hey, I'm gonna go pizza bagging. Sometimes we do that. Sometimes we do that. Took some mushrooms. Little kibitzing.

Throw me on the text thread. Nah. Nah, never. Nah. We went skiing six months ago. Yeah. You think that just happened? You made me say that?

Yeah. You guys got so different. Who wants it? We slummed out. This is a really good podcast. We slummed on Millionaire Dew. She thinks it was her idea. Just like we play.

You know how you didn't quite get enough sleep last night? We were driving the train. We were the cops outside. That was the long wetski. David's a barking dog sometimes. We got it with the outskirts. Sheep bought it. Sheep, that's what happens when you leave.

It's like the sting. There's like eight guys holding up these wolves. I find my husband, he's in on it. Get out! Come on out! We got to him in the 80s. How old is that? Why do you think he's not on social media? That was us.

Oh my god. But the sun takes over, and then it gets a different kind of, like, maybe an oven, and then it dried up a little bit, and then it starts getting that sun melt on it too. Yeah, yeah. That's so true. All different kind of heat. Pizza bagels, that's a great pick.

That's a great pick. Sean Jordan, what are you putting into your wet little mouth? (*laughing*) A boner. A boner. I'm gonna pick those little barrel juices. Oh!

You guys have those little barrel juices? Oh, I forgot about that. Little hugs, little hugs. That's what they were called? Is that what they were? We just, yeah, maybe they had a name, but they were. Barrel juice was one of those in my house. You were going with the tin foil top.

And you'd chew, you'd get it and be like, and we'd chew through the tin foil. You had to be good for us. Are you chill people how strong you were? One finger. Whoa, that's great. You're getting laid at this point. Watching Bloodsport too much.

I've only heard about these from this podcast. Oh my God. They are like, I would say that they probably had more sugar in them than like Kool-Aid or anything. It's not juice. It's sugar. They were a dip almost. I mean, that was the first pool so my buddy Smith He had an above-ground pool grown up the first thing I did with a deck around it or just a ladder

Well eventually a deck around it when I met him just a ladder. You always start with their ladder Always a ladder. Yeah, and then you get deck money You get that deck full of money. You got pool money. Next check, I'm getting a deck on the above ground and some rims on the Acura. What kind of above ground pool set you back? Let me take a stab at it. You guys take your guess. Ian, you should get one. It's kind of cool. It's like getting records now. I'm saying a legit above ground pool.

A legit? A big wet record for your yard. These are not, I'm going to say, $1500. $1500 seems low to me. That seems low to me too. Cause it's got a pump system. It's got a pump system. Yeah it's got... Oh do they?

Yeah. It's like a pool. It's not just a bunch of water. What are they pumping? I'm saying all in, Sons Deck, but to keep it nice and to get it set up. You keep saying words like that, the pool is going below ground. You can't say Sons Deck. You can say Sons. You keep saying words like that, the pool is going below ground. You can't say Sons, Devin. You can say Sons.

You're right, you're right, you're right. Too high class. I don't think these pools are low. I thought they were for rich people. Well, what do you think, Elmore? Yeah, they're for people. I'm gonna say six to 7,000 K. That, I think two to four.

I think two to $4,000. Six to seven, you're getting in ground. You are almost getting out. No, hell no. They have to four. I think two to four thousand dollars six to seven you're getting in ground almost you're almost getting no no hell No, they have to dig. I suppose that's like gotta be 20 30 In front of me oh yeah, okay 15 K yeah folks you want saltwater folks you can get yourself into an above-ground swimming pool. I'm talking 18 feet above ground I'm talking 18 feet above ground. I'm talking how many gals? How many gals?

Way taller than your house? That's exactly what I pictured. That'd be so fucking, where's your house? Right behind the pool. It's not really telling me gallon-wise here, but. OK, how many chicks can I get? 18 feet around, it looks like you can get plenty of chicks in this thing. Not that thing, it does. It can get plenty of jigs in there.

Not that thing it does. It's $1,200. What the hell? Well, but so the pump system like we're saying, because that's just a big bowl of water, right? Yeah. It's got a pump. Includes a pool pump, ladder, ground cloth, and cover. Okay.

Wow. And it's 52 inches deep. That's not very deep. That's not deep. Is that four feet? No, 60 is five feet. Oh, so it's a wading pool. That's a wading pool. That's a deep. Is that four feet? No, 60 is five feet. I was with the wading pool. That's a swim.

Yeah, barely got your nipples in there, but that's all right. 1600 for a little bit of a deeper one. I'd like up to my neck. How much is that 18 foot deep? In the middle, I want up to my neck. How much is that death pool? It's still the same material on the side. It's just sitting in your front lawn.

It's like bellowing in the wind. Okay, if you wanna get into a 24 foot, you're in the $3,000 range. Damn, I really overshot that. I was thinking, that's what I was kind of thinking. It's a wide range. Well, I also, full disclosure, during the pandemic I got a big ass blow up pool.

Oh, that's so fun. And I was like, wait, maybe. We got one as big as like two couches. No, no, I ran two. Yeah, oh, but that's a great thing. It was in my backyard though, we were going up a little bit. Come on, that's so fun.

Yeah, they all just... It means that Scotty ate a bunch of mushrooms out there. Mushrooms and water, till the end of time. It was like 3 a.m., it was too cold. Sure. It's probably 65 degrees. I can't get out, I'm freezing. I also had a grill like too close to it.

To the pool? Yeah. Like a spark could a flown off. Yeah, it's like final destination And we don't have you and Zack anymore. Yeah, it was really close, but Honestly when those gold star sausages got done it was worth Worth all the danger Grilling from the pool Stop I'm sure they thought about it. I never stopped thinking about it. You interrupted me from thinking about it to ask me that question. Barrel juices are the first pick.

Time for my first pick. And I'm going to go white bread, bologna, mayonnaise, yellow mustard, Kraft single. That's great. Oh yeah. Just whatever you want to call that sandwich, just that super basic. Aoney sandwich a baloney sandwich

Yeah, but nothing fancy nothing fancy and the bread like molds Oh my god, yes, yeah, you can see it in the teeth marks where it's got the little layer like a retainer The best bread to get wet That wasn't even sexual Bread to get wet The best pumpernickel oh, what's the worst bread to get wet Wet bread sucks except for white bread. Rye? Oh, that's so funny. My, can I say, we're allowed to talk about this, right? If we have various similar things.

Mine was that exact thing with turkey, with slices of turkey. Oh, turkey. That exact sandwich though. I thought like, that Koto salami, you know? That kind with the little kebabs. Oh, Koto! Oh, I, kinda as a kid, I felt like Koto

was a little higher end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was salami. Yeah. It's salami. It's not bologna. It a little higher end. Yeah. Because it was salami. Yeah. It's salami. It's not bologna. It has no first name. No.

It's S-A-L-A. It goes by Kodo, dude. Me not being able to say it. I gotta like. I thought you guys were gonna interrupt me. No, I. That was. Carry the two.

Go on. We all stop. No, Pate. Pate has to be. You all like take your sock off like S-A. S-A-L-A. Would you guys see any good movies? We all stop, no, paint. Paint has to be. You all take your sock off like, SAO. SAO. Would you guys see any good movies? Is bologna expensive?

No. I haven't looked in, I mean, forever. That's cheap meat. That's cheap meat. It's cheap, right? It's just an amalgamation of a bunch of different shit, right, it's like, it's trash meat. I bet there's a high-end bologna.

Well, you know what's kind of a high-end bologna is mortadelle. Yeah. That's bologna. You know what? Because it's, Carson and-end bologna is mortadelle. That's bologna. Yeah, you know what? Because Carson and I were talking about that. I did not know what mortadelle was, but it's just a mixture of...

Various meats, right? I think. Oh, really? It's like the hot dog of lunch meat. It's like, and like spices. I don't think, I'm never getting that in a sandwich again. Finely ground cured pork, cube pork fat. It's pork Let's say the snacks out there inside its factories

Shirts just dumping water all over the carpet. Where's the pork? Do you have any cubed pork in the house? What's your name? Mr. Johnson, my name's Ian. Do you have any cubed pork in the house? Mom would pull by the way. It's a big ass shirt, and it looks like you don't have any pants on. Well, I don't, Mr. Johnson.

Maybe I don't. Mr. Dawson. They're holding my place in line. Where's the pork? I was on the board and I saw pork. I was on the diving board and I thought about having some pork. You dork. You dork? I realize that you're poor with pork too. Is this funny or are we just so deep in,

I don't know what's happening? It might be not, I'm not sure. I'm inside it right now. Me too. Yogurt apple nut. Oh man. With my second pick. Ha ha ha!

I don't know why that's so funny. Because it just fucking turned the corner. I'm in an aquatic mood, as it is a pool party. And I'm just gonna sort of ride that wet wave. I'm picking gushers. Yes. Very top of my list. Love gushers.

What was your favorite color gush? I think I was fucking with those red ones the most. Turquoise. There was like the... You said it like it was a dream. Turquoise. I would have said blue. Turquoise. There was like the dream. Yeah. Like it was a dream. Turquoise. I would have said blue. Turquoise. Blue, gray, red.

No, because there was blue, but then there was turquoise. Yeah. Turquoise. Yeah, that's hard to hear. I felt like you were eating a bobble, or like a gem a little bit. They were gem-y. They were gem-shaped, and a lot of them,

you know the problem with gushers ultimately, was a lot of them shed their gush like prematurely. Oh yeah. Oh my god right, you would have the little, they got in there somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Oh and you'd get them, you'd get the one gush out but it'd be like a whole pack is stuck together. I loved that.

Cause somebody shot a gush too early. I didn't mind it either. I loved that. Yeah it was good. And you'd get a full one and then you'd be like, and then this little flatty over here. Yeah yeah. Do you guys ever felt like you'd always fizzled more than a gush. Yes, like on the commercials They made it seem like you were you're gonna butt up

Commercial getting swept away by a tidal wave of good My experience Was doing different shit Commercial made it seem as though I would be swept away on a tidal wave of gush. That was not my experience. Imagine my disappointment. I've been into a turquoise and found

the experience quite queer. Lacking to say the least. Ian used to say queer in the defined way like when he was a child. Oh my god, I heard this on your podcast. It's a bit weird. It's so queer. I love that about you.

You ever listen to each other's other podcasts? Quite a queer experience, a way to be on the other end of the tin foil bed. You sweet boy. What does meth have to do with any of this? Your turquoise gush left much to be about. Your turquoise gush? That sounds like a 50s term.

It could be most generously described as a spurt. Ha ha ha ha! Ha! Carmel, you're cooking with gas! Mother, take a letter! Ha ha ha ha ha! Jing! Ha ha ha ha! Yeah, we went to Ian's house. They can't afford gushers. They have spurters.

They have spurters. A pool's a pool. He sucked all the gush out of the pool. They're just gummies. Ian sucked the gush out before we got here. Ian can't come over anymore, he's always sucking all the gush out. Got a little cocktail straw. He said he didn't, but we saw it. What are you doing?

I'm siphoning the gush. Run to your bathroom with a box of gushers and a cocktail. Come out with a wine glass just for the little different color gush. What are you doing? I got a girl coming over. Rick, Diane, hi.

I'll be watching movies in the basement with your parents. Yo, a wine glass full of gush is crazy. Oh man. Oh man. So let's make a note of that. All right, wine glass full of gush, Big Jay Wetzky style. Sean, time for your second pick. I'm going to pick fudgesicles.

You motherfucker! What's up, dude? I was about to hit a double stick. Not when I took it. Fudgesicles. I bet I know the other stick you were thinking about taking. No. I might.

No, it's a double stick fudgesicle. Oh, I thought you were saying another stick item. I wasn't fucking. Because there's another one. I wasn't either. I did it another one. I wasn't either. I did it once and then I was 18 until I did it again, okay? Oh my god. We didn't.

Cut that out. Cut that out. No reason. No reason. Put a black bar over that. Beep it down, beep it and bar it. We'll cut it out. We're out of here.

Makes no sense. Fudgesicles. You had like a finite window to get it before it just melted into your hand and turned into a bummer. So they were, and I don't know, they'd heat up for a minute. You could just eat it like a candy bar. Yes. That moment where they get to find, it's a short window, but where it gets soft enough

to where it's dripping a little bit, but not so much that it's not like icy anymore. These weren't in the house tree. You had to go in, get one, and then you bring it out and you had two minutes. And your little wet feeder on the floor. Yeah. Fridge is right. I'm speaking exclusively about Smith's pool,

but like go up the stairs, go into the kitchen. Fridge is right there. You run in, run out. Cause I don't think we were supposed to have like full, like unfettered access to the fudgesicles. Oh, and now you're saying unfettered and you're calling her out on songs? Bro.

What are you saying? I kind of like to mess with people. I like that. You know what I mean? I like that. I hate it. Sometimes I just mess around. You got kind of a twisted point.

I'm really offended. I'm trying to see me on the plane today. It's not funny. It's not funny guys. That's okay. You were just the memories that we have to like summertime stuff when you're a kid I feel like are so tied protect. You're like that was Smith's pool. I have a pool I'm thinking my friends above-ground pool is what I'm thinking of

I was talking to a friend recently and we were talking like things you do at the beach We I grew up in the southeast you're going Florida. You're in Florida all day lazy ass beaches. They're brown. They're amazing They're in the Gulf but the kid beaches are different than like, you're not going to Panama City. No, no, no, it was chill. We're going to Naples. It's spring break with Carson Daly. It was chill.

And, but you were like, oh, you would go up and like make a sandwich, you know, bring it back down. You spend all, you spend like, like truly like 11 hours outside at the beach. And I was kind of drunk and I was rifting with my friends and we were talking about like what you would do at a beach day. I was like, yeah, you run upstairs,

your dad microwaves like Plate we didn't use buttons Dogs are good though because they split. Yes! You know they're done. They got the pool and the mustard pool on the plate. Thank you guys. I don't find a real reason to do any.

If you have the time sure but if you nuke a hot dog just fine. 100%. It's just fine. It's preferable. I like it. Yes. Yes. Fudge.

Fudge sickles. You go upstairs, your dad microwaves a few hot dogs. Come on. Oh, hey, you go upstairs, he microwaves a few hot dogs. What's the problem? At least he's around, you know? Do me a couple of dogs, Danny-o.

Your dad, Floyd, microwaves a few hot dogs and brings them down to the kids. He baby burns you. You're going Maniscalco. Danny, your dad's upstairs microwaving the hot dogs. He's Floyd, his name's Floyd. And the hot dogs are big, and they split, and they split. He puts them in his mouth like a little baby bird.

Can I have some back, sir? That was Burr. Hey, can I have some right back, sir? Hey, in my opinion, Burr's just top shelf Maniscalco. Yeah, and gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not looking up. The ring. Oh, no, I like the ring too. I was reminded that- The poop ring that you get. The big poop ring I got. What were you doing in there? There's a bunch that go cold.

I was sucking a poop out of a butt. That's what they were worried about. It's middle school. That's what they were all worried you were doing. I was sucking poop out of a butt. A couple of my friends over there being like- We shot on Dateline. We know that's what you guys are doing.

I'm getting level with you. What did you get that bracelet for? You didn't just, somebody comes over like, we shot on Dateline, we know that's what you guys are doing! What did you get that bracelet for? You didn't just, somebody comes over like, hey, we've known each other for a couple years now, you weren't sucking a poop out of someone. I'm going to level with you, I was. If the hot dogs would have been out here when they were supposed to be out here, what was so what don't you like about? The word fudge sickle they don't have the e so on the end of the way it's f u d j f u d g Sic les weird so there's no e at the end of fudge so it's like fudge sickles We would call them fudges fudge you call them fudges. That's weird. I like that yeah, we didn't give a fuck Cat was in my cream before I did I'm gonna fucking kill you! Oh, man. Fuck.

You couldn't get more elementary than being like, what were you sucking poop out of a butt? Fuck, I feel crazy. Oh my god. By just the other day, my wife was like, Maxine's gonna, your daughter's gonna see some of this stuff someday, and I'm like, oh, she does.

I'm really hoping that she's gonna be so cool. Let her know who paid for Juilliard Six over there like I sent a lot of poop out of bus for you to play the cello up here Who's like something one of your friends would call their grandpa, and you're like what? It's not what you think you know get it he loves his shit You're like you know poop daddy's got a purple heart. I don't know if you knew that My poop daddy give the most beautiful speech. I have my num nums. Poop daddy has a purple heart.

It's so funny. It sounds like they're related. Okay. David, tell me your second pick. Capri Sun upside down, put the thing in so it fills up. He's not wrong. Sip it out like that. I was a hole man.

Hold on, hold on. You were a hole man. Do it again, do it again. What'd you say? Flip it, pop it, slurp it. But it like, it fills was a whole man. Hold on, hold on. You were a whole man. Do it again, do it again. What'd you say? Flip it, pop it, slurp it. But it like, it feels- The back way. You-

Is that what you're saying, upside down? Yeah, you give the Capri Sun anal. Is that what you want me to say? No, I want you to get your head out of the gutter and we're at work, David. Oh, I thought you were baiting me. I'm sorry. No, I'm serious, you flip it upside down

and you put it in the, I look like I'm baiting you too. You put it in the bottom part. Yeah. There's no way to say it. And then you make it concave and you fill it and it's like you drink it like, oh. Oh, I wouldn't do that.

I never even thought. I would do it in the bottom half sometimes, but I wasn't creating a potable. So you have like a well of, you take drinks instead of this. Yes. And then you know, you ask the parents, how's work? How's work?

Yeah, you guys talking about your Roth IRAs? Yeah, yeah. He's full of gusher goo, white glass full of gusher goo, you've got your botanical. Just seeing a bunch of little kids with their fucking cosmopolitan little kid drinks. Just looking at the kids in the pool

who aren't doing that, like, I remember when I was that age. Yeah. God. God. She's developed a muscle. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There's like a six-weedle,

it's just not a floaty, I remember back then. You're 13, fuck, I wish I had his knees. You're a fraud, I'm sorry. There's like a six-weedle, it just got a floaty. I remember back then. You're 13, fuck, I wish I had his knees. You just wasted on the young, let me tell ya. You have a cigar? What do you think, the Pyro straight skeins or? A little purple, a little blue swisher. I voted for him because he said he was an anti-war president. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Is that Rosemary? Hold your gusher juice. No politics at my pool parties, okay? That's all.

The Capri Sun Cup. Yeah, I never even, that's it. That's genius. Yeah, that's really smart. Laura, time for your second and third picks. Okay, so I was thinking about this one and I didn't know if it's too old for the middle school thing, but I'm really smart. Laura, time for your second and third picks. Okay, so I was thinking about this one and I didn't know if it's too old for the middle school thing, but I'm pretty sure that I was still rocking with this in middle school.

Some cold ass fucking shrimp and some cocktail sauce. Oh, I like that. Whoa, you're giving shrimp to tweens? Yeah, tween shrimp, tween shrimp. Tween shrimp. Tween shrimp. Sabrina's my favorite shrimp. Is that a crazy pick? I remember Tween shrimp. Tween shrimp. Big names drop. Is that a crazy pig?

I remember being like. No, cause you could get it in a safe way. Totally. We would buy it from Kroger, the big circle things. And we would keep them, I think they would freeze them. And then we would thaw them and then. Most of my middle school pool parties were adults. Sure.

It was like friends. You had a cup full of guts. Yeah, it was Ian and a bunch of adults. Ian and a bunch of 32 year old therapists. It was like friends Just talking about just getting into Solomon Rushdie Oh, but it was Solomon Gush. Come on. They say panic-versus. Versus? Spursus? It's all in there. Holy buckets.

Yo, you might be the first person to ever call them Solomon Gush, dude. That's awesome. No, I think Padma called him that. Ah! Ah! This is going to be the weirdest breakout. Oh, my god.

We just have fun here, you know? Smash subscribe if you're a Salman Gush. Smash and like. Gush on that like button. Oh! Uh... Well... He said it! He said it! Remember when he said that? That was awful!

He said, God, draw that like! You ever had a Bud Light line? They make you crazy. What? That was awful. Good job, they like. You ever had a Bud Light Lime? Yeah. They make you crazy. I feel like I'm tossing things like insane. A Bud Light Lime and zero fresh oxygen for an hour and a half?

That's so true. We're just re-breathing each other's laughs. Yeah, we're re-breathing. Yeah. All laughs. Guys, half an hour ago, none of this has happened. Oh man, that's cool. We're on the Titanic.

If that's why I went out, that's okay. I want to see Max again, but yeah. Okay, bring up your daughter. Hack. Fucking hack. I have a kid too. Fucking hack. Aw.

Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw. Let's go see Yaku. Uh, but they were all adult, like it was mostly the grownups and their kids, right? Oh, God. Oh. Oh. Oh, man. Oh. Hasco siaco. Uh, shrimp and cod, but they were all adult, like it was mostly the grownups and their kids, right?

Exactly. It was that kind of thing, and you could always sneak over. I'm not gonna take it, but like a filo dough bite, you know what I mean? With a little feta cheese in there? Oh, shoot. Oh, wow. You know like a little, like a spanakopita?

No. Spanakopita? No. Spanakopita? This ain't doing it. What's this? It's the rock! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. Filo dough, triangle, little feta cheese in there. Spanakopita? No. Spanakopita? This ain't doing it. What's this? It's the rock!

Filo dough, triangle with a little feta cheese in there. Spanakopita? Uh-uh. Spanakopita? Anybody, go in once. He can say it a few more times. Spanakopita? Spanakopita?

Spanakopita? Spanakopita? What? Spanakopita's not the most popular. What? Spanakopita's not the most popular. Is that where you were going? That's where I went.

Spaggadabagadabagadakopita? Siri? Find the closest Spanakopita to me. You gotta say, hey Siri. It works, buddy. Hey Siri, Google Spanakopita. Oh man. Hey Siri, play Butterfly by Crazytown.

What are you doing? People on the internet were like four fucking weeks in a row talking about it. I heard it on the last episode. So funny. Hey Siri, play OMG how bizarre. OMG dude. Hey Siri, play OMG how bizarre.

Miami club remix. Is there one? It could be. Maybe policeman tapped his nose. Judd's Key to the DR remix. In the 90's that's all they were doing down there was selling cocaine and clubbing. Is there one? It could be. It's a bad one. Maybe policeman tapped his nose. Just skiing to the DR remix. In the 90s, that's all they were doing down there was selling cocaine and club remixing.

Putting on magic masks. That was the whole town. They were doing the cocaine too. And your third pick? Oh shit, right, it's me. You know, okay, I'm gonna go a little weird here. Weirder than the shrimp cocktail? A little weirder than the shrimp cocktail.

The shrimp cocktail was cool. I'm a crazy gal. I think are we forget about hot snack hot day and sometimes that's hitting I love a pig in a blanket Yeah, that's not absolutely outside of a pool. Yeah, love that hot little hot little bite and just those Sexual it's all sexual right and and those the cheap It's all sexual. It's all sexual. It's a hot little light. And those, the cheap ass ones. Oh yeah. Imagine I have the longest nails you've ever seen in your life I like those with a spicy brown mustard. Oh 100%

Little stone ground little little yeah with it with like a little caviar niblets in it. Yeah Oh, I love that little mustard boba. Yeah, oh it's so good. Yeah, that was one of my favorites We did that a lot at Beaver Brands based out of Beaverton, Oregon makes a fine. They're based out of Beaverton That's why it's called Beaver. I didn't know that Regularly around nationwide. Beaver's everywhere. Carson bought some's why it's called Beaver. I didn't know that. Is it sold regularly around? Nationwide. Beaver's everywhere. Carson bought some the other day from our Ralph's.

I'm obsessed with them. I came home and I was like, is this special in some way? This is beautiful. King of the Mustard, it is special. It's from Beaverton. King of the Mustard. Great horse radish too, a great creamy horse radish. You're on the market.

I really like creamy horse radish. I came back around on horse radish later in life. It's not like I'm close to death, I hope, but in the last five, 10 years, I've come back around on horseradish later in life. We're just like I'm close to death I hope but like in the last five ten years. I've come back around on horse Yeah, and that's what I'll remember you feel it But ever since I stopped you in cocaine I could feel it feel the back of my nose I need that I need that Tap and people at the check out you get that little horsey drip back there

Just right before I pick up my kids it gets it's just better that way I didn't know if I was gonna bring this up, but I feel inclined to and I don't know why But I really wanted to talk about it We're not You're at this pool party you go into the bathroom. Can you smell that right away? Can you smell that right as I say it? Yeah, I mean, again, I'm thinking of Smith's bathroom, but yeah, sorry, he hates it when I bring him up.

Sorry, brother, it had to happen this time. Smith, we're gonna come over tonight. What's up, Smith? Bring him a jet ski. Let's crank out the gush. In a pool, no, no, no, no, no. Just like a little tilt the whole time. Immediately break the pool.

Where's the shrimp cocktail? Paws in my mouth. Paws on top of the roof. We're out $1,200 now. Thanks a lot. Are you talking about the smell of the bathroom at the pool party? Are you talking about the smell of the bathroom at the... Okay, I guess I'm talking about public pool smell.

Yeah, oh yeah. For sure. The chlorine smell and also one person took a dump. Yep. Yeah. Exactly. Do you remember the way that your poop smells after you've been swimming in chlorine? Do you know what I'm sure it's not smell and also one person took a dump. Yep. Yeah exactly Your poop smells after you've been swimming chlorine. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's never it's never smelled cleaner It's exactly it smells very sterile. It doesn't smell bad. It's barely And that's why

That's why I sucked it out of that No, why is pool? out of that That's why I sucked it out What? It's pool poop it's clean your mouth's covered in poop I thought you said it's like cheating in Vegas it's pool poop Sean Riz misread this as poop party I thought you were just going to show up here and take dumps I didn't know there was even going to be a pool David Boyan it's time for your third pick

unless there's further comment on the pool party I don't have any more pool poop God, Isaac got him a yawn on that one. This only happened to me one time. I went to a rich kid's house one time. I didn't even understand that people were living in a world where this was like a food you could just eat, and I've been chasing that high.

They've since bagged it, but it is not the same. I'm taking puppy chow. Oh, yeah. The very first'm taking puppy chow. Oh Yeah, the very first pick. Yeah, it's fucked up. Yes fucked up. So good at the pool to fuck up It's like okay. It's not cold, but this shit they put on there. It makes it feel cold in your mouth Oh cold. I just remember like it was like powder. Yeah, I felt like it wasn't I couldn't believe it Yeah, yeah, the only other dessert I've had even close, my mom, I was at this Filipino party with my mom one time and they had this thing called food of the gods.

Oh, is it like a? It was like a bread. Oh. Really? But that's not what we're talking about. Puppy chow. That's such a good thing. It's crazy.

You know what I'm talking, see? I just looked it up, it looks like drugs. Food for the gods, it's like a date bar. It's nuts. It's nuts. A date bar. It looks like It's not Food for the gods, Filipina. Yeah, that shit's crazy Also good lumpy lumpy at that party Checks powdered sugar peanut butter melted chocolate. Yeah, I don't know how they pretzels. I don't know how they do it. Yeah, it's

Feels like if you're born as Midwestern as you are, you like should be some part, I bet you'd be great at making it just in that puppy chow. I would call you first if I needed puppy chow. I would too. He's in the kitchen, he's like. He's just drawn to it, floating around. I bet if we put like a fucking blindfold on you

and just set you loose in the kitchen and left you there. Let's do it at your house. You're like Luke Skywalker of puppy chow. He makes us mess. A few more. Oh no, oh no. Oh no, it's not again. I just am in jail.

It feels like they somehow got like peanut butter in the Chex Mix in Puppy Chow and I don't know how you do that. Yeah, you're right. It's just the way that it all congeals. It's really crazy. I guess if you're rolling it around in there or if you're really doing like dredging it in it,

maybe when it dries it's like it's packed in there. Well they put it in the bag and shake it all around, that dredging it in it, maybe when it dries, it's like it's packed in there. Well they put it in the bag and shake it all around, that's like a part of it, right? That's what I remember, it was in a bag. Because it was really obvious that you were going back for more puppets. I always wanted more.

Big Ziploc bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd see the bag and you're like, where's the other nine to 10 bags? Like that, come on, I'm gonna eat that whole thing. But inhale that. That's such a good pick, I haven't thought about that stuff in a long time.

Yeah, it was crazy. Sean Jordan. Just a big bowl of Doritos. Yeah, classic style. Tacos through the flavor? I mean, if I have my druthers, tacos my favorite Dorito, always has been. Wow, in origin, beautiful sentence.

Did they have taco back then? Yeah, they've had, I mean, they had what, regular ranch and then I think taco was in that next wave of flavors, whatever that was. Look, I've never had a taco Dorito in my life You haven't? No it's a good Dorito Amazing I may have only had nacho cheese and It just tastes like a fajita it might be an original Dorito

just based on how they package it. That packaging is beautiful. Okay, I remember this bag. Yeah. I do remember this bag. Is it literally just a tortilla chip? Like is it, or is there a spoon? No, it's seasoned, it's hella seasoned.

It's hella seasoned? I think of it as a lighter. It's taco seasoning. Looks lighter. It's lighter orange than a regular Dorito. Okay. But it is, they're icy. They are real good. Oh wow, that sounds authentic. Then spicier orange than a regular Dorito. Okay, but it is yes. They're icy. They're real good Wow, that's not that's my sincere nachos my second choice

I had a spice I was a cooler cooler ranch man This is a man now yeah If I ever go to prison As a kid I like cooler ranch Ranch because it just, they weren't available. Ooh, the Forbidden Forest. It was a tougher Dorito to get. Okay, didn't they get rid of everything except regular Doritos for like a long time?

Didn't they get rid of all of the other? I don't recall that. I thought that they just made the regular ones first. I feel like at least Ranch was always there. I feel like Ranch was always there. They got rid of the, it went from cooler ranch to cool ranch and it went from spicy, or what was it? Nacho cheese. Well now there's spicier nacho.

Okay, yeah. Oh wait, so cool and cooler were different. Used to be called cooler ranch and then they just dropped the ER off of it. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, whoa, wait, I thought they were two different names. Now it's just cool ranch. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Right, yeah, same chip. I, um. Same chip. Same chip, different day, baby A lot of Doritos out there now I went I think I was like strictly cool ranch for a while and then in the past several years just like great ribs and Stuff not to cheese is it's the only one for me. It's literally Much now I really like salsa verde

Yeah, oh I've had those. The purple ones are good too, yeah. They're nuts dude. Purple is like Thai chili, right? Thai chili, they got the late night one, late night taco, whatever that is. It's full of booze. If I'm over at a show,

it's actually just a bag of coke. It tastes like cheap. It's crazy. Oop-sal seasoning is just coke in there. Oop-sal flow. If I'm over at a show, I'm taking one of those Doritos and I'm sliding into my sandwich.

Uh-huh. You sick bitch. Oh yeah. Might even hit the cocktail sauce with it. We got a lot of shit on the table right now. Anything could happen. Wrap it in baloney. Time for my third and fourth pick,

since it is a Serpentine draft. My third pick, I'm taking the straight up, like right down the middle, ice cream sandwich. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Oh yeah. The brick, you know, just like the classic. Comes off on your fingers.

Comes off on your fingers. It's so just unwrap it and it's just, oh it's so good. Yeah, that's good. And you're licking all four corners. Oh yeah. Am I right? Of the paper. I would suck it down until it touched.

Mm-hmm. I would eat four of it. That was, cause then when it touches like Isaac loved it It did get interesting when you had to like go in between it like that when you're like just like following out the middle I'm most yes Sideways and like lick stop talking and put it sideways and lick the long way. Oh, you lick around it. Yeah.

Pissed her in the sideways. I thought we were all gonna do that. I got that Ian wanted to stop doing the poop stuff. No, no, no. I was just trying to move this on. I know someone's gotta, someone has to drive the car and appreciate it every time. I'm getting occasional looks from Isaac.

I'm seeing occasional looks to the door. Oh, is it because we were short on time? Isaac and I are kind of a pitcher catcher situation. I'm seeing occasional looks to the door. Oh, is it because we were short on time? Isaac and I are kind of a pitcher-catcher situation. I'm just trying to read my catcher here. Yeah. Piazza New York catcher situation. We're good. I would love a second break soon.

Oh, there we go. We'll be right back. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fair and Seam. Everything already in progress. I recently picked ice cream sandwiches. Eee. Did we even take a first, oh we did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, poor you. Yeah, ice cream sandwiches. Who picked that? You. It was Ian Carmel. Damn, I was gonna wear a George Costanza shirt. There's two more days. Oh, and I got Larry David on.

It would've been cooler if I had. And they're matching hats. Yeah, mine's tighter though. It's purple, you'll notice mine's purple, his is black. How many black hats you got, dude? A lot. Yeah, mine's tighter though. It's purple. You'll notice mine's purple. His is black How many black cats you got dude a lot? Yeah Mine's got a wolf on it. Yeah, I do like that Wolf does not concern themselves with the opinions of Filipinos Somebody just started listening this way. Yeah, that's? It's not... If somebody just started listening this week, then yes, that's weird.

That's not good. If this is your very first episode, thank you and don't stop listening to it because of that. It's a guy that's watching it for the first time and he goes, yeah. He's just like on his face and grins and then... And these guys are all the podcasts I can listen to. All this sucking poop out of me. I'm about to gush that like button. I'm about to gush that MF like.

This guy's making a lot of sense. And this is supposed to be a comedy podcast. I haven't heard of one funny thing. All I hear is real talk. I'm about to suck some poop tonight. I'm going with my fourth pick. This was more of a... The scenarios where this would happen

were oftentimes like a birthday weekend for a kid or something like that where maybe they had had a thing the night before and now there was a pool party the next day. I'm taking cold pizza served in the foil. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Nom. Oh yeah. I don't know where we land on this, but I associate it with Hawaiian. Yes. I want to slice a cold Hawaiian I love Hawaiian. I love a cold Hawaiian. I love a pizza left out on the fucking counter overnight I know it's not good also cold ham and pineapple good cold things like that's a good cold. Yeah Yeah, combo. I was just gonna say old pizza is the reason I learned how to use a toaster oven properly

That'll do it. I said great in there. I did says the reason I learned how to use a toaster oven properly. That'll do it. I said toaster there. I did. I heard an air fryer. The toaster, same thing with an air fryer too. You throw some Zan in the air fryer. Exactly.

Brand new. You know what else I learned about the toaster oven? You could just put two cookies in there. Yeah. And have the best night of your life. Yeah. Mom's not home. Hold on a second.

I'm having a freak off. It's when? Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We can make those shirts You know you thought you made it up I don't know. I don't know. I'm not following the trial No, it's funny now you could say it now I didn't hear it, but we were like, shit. I didn't want to ask in the middle. No, it's funny now. You can say it now.

I was telling her that you could put, I learned to put, you could put two cookies in the toaster oven, and she goes, oh yeah, but you have a great night. I'm having a free cough. Yeah, it's awesome. It reheats, it reheats. It's just like the pizza.

Ding. Joke's off, bitch! What a show! How long do you put... You just put cookies in there. You can do that? I mean... That's pretty legit.

It's more like a toaster oven, right? So not like a toaster... Oh, I'm thinkinging an air fryer Yeah, we have an air fryer for days Well since we're doing this oh yeah, yeah full full of Oreos I got I got a new bit of better Oreos you haven't seen Portland no Standup when I'm in Portland. I would love to. Keep an eye out the week of July 5th. Detox is dropping dude.

Sean, I'm gonna suck poop out of Sean's butt. You're having a freak comedy in the park. Can I say this is gross? I want my penis to come out the other side. That's how hard it is. Laura, stop listening 30 seconds ago. to come out the other side. That's how hard it was. I'm gonna get shot in the face. Laura, stop listening 30 seconds ago. I remember blowing the belly button.

I was like, not happening. Yeah, just tickle me a little bit and I'll come back out the right way. Oh, god damn it. I'm gonna come back out circumcised though. From my turd cutter. Oreos, Oreos. That's my fourth pick. That's my fourth pick.

Fabulous pick. David, your fourth pick. You know what I was thinking about this? This is like the last party you got this at. Yeah. It's like sixth grade, seventh grade maybe, and it's like eighth grade, you can't give this anymore, but like sixth, seventh grade, the mom is still like down for it.

Ants on a log. Oh yeah. Ants on a log. That shit's too good. Also, ants on a log. Oh yeah. Ants on a log. That shit's too good. Also ants on a log get better. What do you mean, hold on. It's pretty low. It's a lot of work to do, right?

A lot of work, oh, I thought you meant for you to eat. No, no, I'm saying like that's a lot of prep work for a parent, they really gotta give a rip that the kids are like having a party. That's what I mean, it's like a little kid snack, but I feel like fifth, sixth grade you could do it, seventh date, It starts to get Shaked the flavor profile for me like the raisins. I guess so. Yeah, like what's the celery doing?

It's just a flavor profile Carmel welcome to the flavor profile Black creators What's black creators? Tonight tonight on the flavor profile tonight on the flavor can you bear it? I said you're embarrassed and kyson at Fucking as we get into the shipping landscape of Hollywood nothing funny To be found What can allies do on June teeth to help black creators with more flavor from my life. Oh my god. Oh fuck. Kini way.

Kini. It's so hot in here. I'm dying. I taste metal. I'm dying. I can taste metal. Can you? When a meme uses ebony. I'm afraid I have to fight. I'm afraid I have to fight. Cause I'm having such a good time.

I farted the last time we did this, I farted a couple times. I was forced. Oh, man. You can't hear it over the laughs. We have ants on the log as a plan for Artie's, Arthur's first birthday. That's what I'm saying, it starts young. I really like it.

Yeah, it's so good. Which we're either going to call Artie Gra, or Artie's first rodeo. Artie Gra, that's a kid whose parents are writers. Yeah, it's so good. Which we're either going to call Artie Grah or Artie's First Rodeo. Artie Grah, that's a kid whose parents are writers. That's fun. That's a kid whose parents are writers. Artie Grah was made, Dana's pushing for Arthur's First Rodeo.

You're about to smell in the comments. Well, because it's a tough sell being like, we're gonna give all the kids beads. Yeah, yeah, we are too. Because they're doing dirty cowboys. We have a lewd shot set up for the babies. We have like white cloth. A bunch of breast milk.

It's not liquor. They can have beers. Kids can have beers. I tell that, I say that to Laura all the time. Laura, time for your fourth and then your final pick. Oh, Lord, I gotta go back to back. I forgot. Lord, tell me your fourth and then your final pick. Oh Lord, I gotta go back to back, I forgot. Oh, Petty.

Easy peasy. Big old bowl of watermelon. Yeah, yeah. It's easy. Yeah. And then, you know what, I'm gonna go two fruits here at the end. Does that make sense?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry guys. Two fruits in a pod. I'm in the left. I'm in the left. Oh, you know what, wait, this is similar, but not the same. I hope that's okay. But I used to love a Veggie Stray Fine. I was never like a carrot person. I used to love fucking celery dunked in ranch. It was a big one for me. So watermelon and celery with a big glob of ranch on it.

Yeah, absolutely. and celery with a big glob of ranch on it. Yeah, absolutely. I think you get older, you get to have more fun with a watermelon salad, you get to put basil and feta in there, and it's so good. I love searching up a watermelon salad. Totally. It's great. David Borey. Can you read me my other four I didn't,

I have been freestyling. Pizza Bagels, Capri Sun Cup, Puppy Chow, Ants on the Log. You gotta really go light up. How do we to end it? I want to end it good. I don't have any, oh boy. You're in the air. You're doing a dirty cowboy.

I get out of there. The water's below you. I just whipped it around. Everybody saw, they knew it. Everybody's cheering. I'm walking to the table triumphant. Can of Slice. Ooh!

Oh, the mammals! God damn. Slice was nice. The way you slice through that water. Come on! Slice the grapefruit? No, that's work. With that Chinook helicopter.

They slice it back though. Don't talk about me like that. Which one? I was looking right at you. Oh, yeah, Big Jay Wetzky? I saw Slice the other day at the grocery store, but it's like healthy slice. Yeah, they changed it.

Is that the stuff we're used to? Of course not. Okay, it's different. I'm talking about the one that tastes borderline like cough syrup. Right, so that's out of business. New slice is completely autonomous from that or whatever. Okay.

Different soda, but I'm a big squirt guy. I like squirt. I don't know that I've ever had a squirt. I don't like the grape guy. I like squirt You know what you do you get some tequila you get you some squirt Fresca's grapefruit soda too. Yeah Sean your final pick. Um, I mean It's already been said but hot dogs, I know it feels since it's already been said, but it was on my, it's just good, you know, just hot dogs. Yeah.

Yeah, it's okay. We circled around hot dogs. We didn't land on a dog. Yeah, but we didn't go. Hot dogs, hot dogs, good pick, yeah. Sorry to bomb everybody. Sorry Isaac, sorry to bomb you. No.

I'm gonna go with it. This is, you know, this is, people have been going a little more hi-fi on the last pick. Well, I guess not can of slice, but you know, or celery, dunkin' ranch. I guess I just mean hot dogs as a prepared food. My final pick is the opposite of a prepared food, string cheese.

Woo! Oh yes. It's a big bandolier of string cheese. I love it. The first couple I'm peeling, by the end I'm just like, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, like at a processing facility. Yep, yep. Just like, bleh.

You know what I love about string cheese? This is a weird fact, is that it doesn't, it never melds together. Every bite stays the shape of the bite. Yes. Like it doesn't mush together and become one in your mouth. Yeah, you are right. Very true.

Every bite is, and that's really of status. It makes you feel like you ate a lot. It does. It's special. Thank you, New Jersey. I assume that's where that technology was developed. It wasn't California It's gonna make a joke like tell me if this would have been funny. Yeah, like like when marble shatters would that have worked? So no, so no it wouldn't have been funny. I'm glad we got it out there. Well good. I'm glad I didn't do it. I want to make sure this last joke that I was going to tell wasn't going to be funny.

It would have been a bummer if that one. You also taught, you threw so many fastballs today that you didn't even need them. You really have been in here balling outrageous. You didn't even, that wasn't necessary. You wait until I get a couple more Bud Light Limes in me, Playboy. Isaac, you have a thing. You're trying to suck the poop out.

See what Big Donger Bronger's gotta say about it. I love Uncrustables. Oh. He's a young man. That's a young man. That just came out. We were not available for the next few minutes. The summer that that dropped, I had had sex,

but I'm a normal guy. Yeah. I paid taxes the year Uncrust a normal guy. Yeah. Yeah wait This is not an American I thought about cutting my beard that's Half of our party was complaining about the crust that was on our sandwiches, so I liked crust Oh I did not hate, I remember I asked my mother one time to cut my crust off my sandwich, she said shut up. Seriously. She was a very caring woman, but she was like that sucks.

Max went through a brief day. She's only bad on healthy bread. I like it on all breads. Interesting point. Yeah. On a slice of white bread? Who cares? I like crust, yeah I'll take the crust, any boundary.

What a friggin' recap. Any boundaries. I need to know where to start. I'll take the cross any boundary You have to end with that that's a good way to go out Where's the rest of it? I need the table! Laura, I need to stop! Bring it out here! I need the table. I need the table.

Sorry, all right, go, go, go. Laura Peake, you took onion dip, shrimp cocktail, pig in a blanket, watermelon bowl, and celery dunked in ranch. David Bohr, you went second. You took pizza bagels, Capri Sun Cup, puppy chow, ants on a log, and can of slice. Sean, you went second. You took pizza bagels, Capri Sun Cup, Puppy Chow, Ants on a Log, and Can of Slice. Sean, you went third. You took barrel juices, fudgicles, Doritos, Oreos, and hot dogs. I went last. I took the

white bread bologna sandwich, gushers, ice cream sandwich, cold pizza and foil, and string chow. We left a lot of great picks on the board, didn't we? I did not. Nice crispy treats? Oh, I had jerky. Anybody eat jerky at pool parties? No. I don't know why.

That's more of a car food than a pool party. Cheetos, Mother's Cookie 2-pack. Mother's Cookie 2-pack. Oh, those are so good. Those are. They're so soft. Guac? Guac.

Oh, guac. Guac like a tocket. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at Gwok. Yeah. Oh, Gwok. Gwok, I like it talking. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod, not on Twitter anymore. We're not on there. I'm secretly on. I'm back on.

Are you back on there? No, I'm not back on there. Oh, okay. AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. You can email us. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, where you can find bonus episodes, mailbag episodes, auction draft episodes, auction, drafts, live, I mean video footage, although that's also on.

Yeah, yeah, the New Orleans ones, they're getting out there. The first one will be out tonight, the video footage. There's just a bunch of great stuff on there, all for the price of a cup of coffee. We really appreciate everyone on the Patreon. 25 bucks. Yeah, an expensive coffee.

A fucking Jimmy Butler cup of coffee. You're good for it. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE slackity. God knows if that's still happening, but if it is, shout out to you. It is. Shout out to super producer Isaac

on the ones and twos with the deep V. We like it. The deepest V, baby. Very good look. Come on. Shout out to Saisu Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid The Dude.

Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of Big Jay Wetzky. Chit-chockity!