All Fantasy Everything - Songs That, When They Come On, You’re Like 90% Ready to Fight Someone (w/ Mike Mulloy, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: April 12, 2018

When the boys wanna fight, you better let 'em. The Good Vibes Gang is joined by enemy of the podcast Mike Mulloy to draft... well, you read the title. Thank you to Dollar Shave Club and Hims for sponsoring this episode!Join Dollar Shave Club today and for just $5, with free shipping you’ll get the 6-blade Executive razor plus trial sizes of Shave Butter, Body Cleanser and One Wipe Charlies. Get yours at DollarShaveClub.com/allfantasy.Go to ForHims.com/allfantasy5 to try hims for a month for just $5!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Sam Jay who's a writer for Saturday Night Live and an amazing stand-up comedian and the Sklar Brothers it's going to be so fun make sure you come out to the Moon Tower Comedy Festival and also I'm going to be doing a bunch of stand-up and a show where I sing a song with a live band will I die from alcohol poisoning before? probably come see it in person

at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival alright, back to the pod. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast gets punched right in the nose and starts to see black and stars. That's it. Just black and stars. And those stars start to take shape. And the shapes they take resemble everything in the known universe, right? They just dance around. And for one second, it's a hairdryer,

and then it's a unicorn, and then it's a seahorse, and then it's John Voight, and then it's Wilder Valderrama, and then it's a bat with just huge nuts, just big, kind of like the Japanese legend of the tanuki, but it's a bat rather than a raccoon. And as you look at these shapes dancing around, you say, ooh, what if we fantasy drafted some of that? Dude.

Yeah. There's the guy. Hey. There it is. I like the Wilbur Valderrama. Valderrama. That's the guy that got bar mitzvahed right there. Wilbur Valderrama got bar mitzvahed?

No, you. Oh, me? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, Wilbur Bush? Yeah, I heard that 100%. Right, Born and Raised? Born and Raised. Born and Raised.

How many times have we done the gag? How'd you miss it? You missed the softball, buddy. I just want to say, can you say... 100% Bar Mitzvah. Wilderval... I can't even get to the good part of the tongue twister. Wildervalderama got Bar Mitzvah.

I can't do it. You still need to try it one more time though Don't laugh at me Alright You stalked for a living Your job is stalking It's because I'm smiling Act like it's in a rap song

Wilder Valderama had a bar mitzvah Wilder It's the hardest Those are the hardest words for me Wilder Valderama had a bar Wilder It's the hardest Those are the hardest words for me God Bar Mitzvah You said Valderrama Wilmer Valderrama Wilmer Valderrama is multiple

But actually it's like Attorney's General Wilmer's Valderrama If he took his SATs Valderrama Wilmer You'll get through that first word I can't even get to the beginning Just say Wilmer befores. Valderrama, Wilmer. Wilber. Nah, man. You'll get through that first word. I can't even get to the beginning. Just say Wilmer before you say Valderrama. Wilmer.

Wilmer. Yep. Valderrama. Yeah, there you go. Got bar mitzvahed. Tie it together. Wilder. Weird.

It's weird. I can feel it in my head. As soon as I start, everything goes crazy. I see it right before, and then as soon as I start talking, it's just like jumble in my brain and mouth. Wilmer Valderrama got bar mitzvahed. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Wilmer Valderrama got bar mitzvahed.

Fuck yeah. Yes. Yuck. Yuck. Had to put a little mustard on it. Yeah, that was good. There you go. And he did.

Congratulations to Wilmer valderrama on becoming a bar mitzvah boy that was also yo mama i thought it was gonna work i didn't do yeah that show was gonna go i watched it i watched it i was a fan luckily we'll always have that scene from white men can't jump to return back to you mama got a peg leg with a kickstand oh man i just heard a monique do it this is so off topic whoa i was watching old yo mama jokes yeah on youtube and monique said uh were you yeah yeah there was used to be this show on hbo like in the early 90s it was just yo mama fazon loves on it a lot of people are on it a lot of the greats so the yo mama mtv show wasn't even the first year he didn't even pioneer it wow it was snaps and there were a lot of yo mama jokes where the guy would be like yo mama got her head here and her eyes here and then they do like a wacky dance yeah that was like a whole

genre of yo mama like it was just like yo mama walk around that bitch got a face on her elbow and her eyes on her chin walking around like like shit like that it was like crazy it was so crazy but bonique said yeah your mama's so nasty she had to leave her job at the sperm bank or no see i already fucked it up it was a drinking on the job joke wilmer valderrama yeah she got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job. Bam. And then she did a full circle dance. Bang, bang, bang. It was so good. It was so good.

Much like the Chora, the Jewish dance of celebration. Yeah, that's where it came from. I was going to say, I'm glad you said it because I was going to bring that up. How do you say- Gildenstern. A lot of people don't know that. That's her last name. How do you say yo mama in Yiddish?

Yo bubby is- Abba and ima. Rosenstern. A lot of people don't know that. That's her last name. How do you say yo mama in Yiddish? Yo Yo bubby is Abba and Ima. So I don't know how to say you, but Ima is mom in Hebrew. Nice. I like it. Yo Ima. We have a lot of business. I just wanted some business, some housekeeping. Oh, first of all,

Sean Jordan in the house. What's happening? Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram. All correct, dude. This is coming out mañana, which is Spanish for tomorrow. Sure, on the morrow. Anything to direct people towards? I'll be in Boise the last Thursday

of April, headlining at Liquid Laugh, so if you do want to come to one of my Boise shows, come to that, because the rest of the week I'll be featuring. I'd rather have you come to a longer set. Come see the girthy one. Yeah. Yeah, dude. See it get thick.

That's what they call me in Boise. Boise. Boise. I say it now like a chump because everyone gets so mad at you if you say Boise. Yeah, you got to say Boise. I don't like that. That sounds so whack to me. Boise.

Boise. Boise. You sound like a dick. I'm going to Boise. Boise. We're a little more easy going,. I'm going to Boise. Boise. We're a little more easygoing, so we're going to throw a Z in there. Yeah. Tupac would have.

David Borey is in the studio. The G is silent on Twitter. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. Actually, now I'm thinking my new Instagram is going to be at... How do you spell that? Just like a lot of N's. And you just have to imagine me spinning it. I imagine.

Or at 360 Degrees Funny. I'm working with some new shit. One day you'll be able to get like just a gif of Monique doing the circle dance. Oh shit. The gif of Monique doing the circle dance. Oh my god. Can we do that?

Why not yet? If any of you listeners know how to do that. If anyone here works at Instagram, please look us up. And you can find Monique on that Yo Mama show on HBO in the early 90s. Send it all my way. Give it up. That being said, I have no dates. Yeah.

Opening calendar. Yeah, I got nothing. I thought I was, I'm sorry tooenix i thought it was april 21st there was confusion so i'm not going to be there on april 21st uh that being said maybe somebody is performing and they're getting ready for a tv spot and maybe they're doing trying to do sets in colorado next week to brush up for that? So that's a possibility. And maybe that person's not allowed to be advertised. But if you see plus special guest

in Denver next week, maybe somebody's going to be doing shows. None of us can say. Nobody knows. God, no. We don't know everything. You might be excited if you showed up. We like to have a good time on this podcast,

but we don't know everything. No, God, God, no. In today's economy? No, I don't know. Oh, geez. No, thanks. Not in this climate. But with the situation in the Middle East, the way it there. No, God, no. You know? In today's economy? No, I don't know. Oh, geez. No, thanks. Not in this climate. No, thank you.

But with the situation in the Middle East the way it is. Yeah, oh. The Middle East. Yeah, with the- You can talk. You've been on the spot before. Yeah, I know. I'm waiting for my spot.

You can pick your spots. You don't have to have your- You can just get in. I've spoken. I tried saying- Older John Krasinski over here. You know? On account of the movie The Quiet Place.

Yeah. What? Old John Krasinski over here. You know, on account of the movie The Quiet Place. Yeah. What? Old John Krasinski over here. This is a new movie where everyone's quiet. Is that what that movie's about? Oh, that looks dope. That looks real dope. It looks kind of good.

I've heard it's supposed to be good. I just don't really give a shit about horror movies. Yeah, I don't either. I just... I don't, but this guy does. I do. I just like movies. But yeah, I like them.

I like scary, you know. I just... either. I don't, but this guy does. I do. I just like movies, but yeah, I like them. I like scary. You know. I just, meh. Yeah. You like scary, dude. Do you get scary? I like to watch it in the Middle East. Like the Dow, you know? The Jack G's. I mean, the Ivan Carmel took me aside for the better part of three hours and broke down the stock market for me.

Whoa. Was it terrifying? It was terrifying. Are you in on it now? I'm gonna get in, because now I know. Dude, Spotify just went public. Did it go public? Oh, and they partnered with Hulu, yeah. My new friend Bobby Axelrod actually broke it down for me over one and a half seasons of Billions so far.

His name is Bobby Axelrod? Yeah, there's a documentary called Billions on Showtime, and it's all about the stock market, and the narrator's Bobby Axelrod. Bobby Axelgod, if you ask me. There it is, Bobby Axelrod? Yeah, there's a documentary called Billions on Showtime, and it's all about the stock market, and the narrator's Bobby Axelrod. Bobby Axelgod, if you ask me. There it is, Bobby Axelgod. Young Axelgod, dude. That's what they called me when I was a mechanic,

dude, the Axelgod. Young Axelgod. Add Fake Mike Malloy on Twitter. Is it the same thing on Instagram? Cross platforms. Cross platform Fake Mike Malloy. Troublemaker, extraordinaire, stand-up comedian what do you got coming up uh on deck next weekend the 21st uh i'm sure some of you

have heard meltdown is is no more so we uh found a new temporary home for the time being uh at echoes on pico and then uh we're going somewhere different for may for the two-year anniversary show and then we should have a permanent home by j. This is in Los Angeles, California. Los Angeles, California. The Dream Factory, dude. Am I on the May one? I think you actually might be. Hell yeah.

Are you available the 18th? Yeah, I'm here. You know what would be fun is if the three of us could be on a team. Oh! Oh! And then just annihilate whatever other team. Team Smash Mode? That's a machine gun.

I'm in favor of it. Like that Gatling gun in Predator. I'm going to have you some fun. I'm going to have you some fun. And then it has to speed up first, and then the boss is like, oh, those are the best guns. You whipped the fuck out of me.

And that's how you make Flan. That's how you make Flan. That's how you make Flan. Flan Martinez. Dope. Go see that. I am Ian Carmel. Listen to all fantasy everything. At Ian Carmel across platforms.

Check marks. Check marks. Check marks, my friends. Necklace full of check marks. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Like I'm out hunting Nazi scalps. You were doing that the other day, I thought. Yeah, I was. I got on Call of Duty. Again, yuck, yuck. Like I'm out hunting Nazi scalps. You were doing that the other day, I thought.

Yeah, I was. I got on Call of Duty. Again, because I was just roasting Nazis on TV. Roasting a bull and Nazis at the same time.

Oh, were you playing Nazi zombies that game? No, but I was playing Call of Duty just shooting the regular Nazis making some zombies. Did you have a silencer on at all

when you were shooting? I did, actually. What'd that sound like? Fuck you. Oh, that's a good silence. Fuck you. That silencer on at all when you were shooting? I did, actually. What'd that sound like? Oh, that's a good silence. That was a nazi with a metal plate in their head. Oh, I thought it was off the... Yeah, it was hitting him in the helmet.

Busting right through it. Oh, much better! Now, you guys, we didn't really shoot any Nazis in this studio. Yeah, yeah, probably. Sean, you're slipping. That wasn't even a real gun. Thank you. The business we have to take care of. I mean, a couple really dope things happened. Some people sent us some treats to the HeadGum studio.

Thank you so much. Shout out to Camille and Dominic. I hope I'm saying this right. Wasson? Wass-off. Wass-on? Wass-off. And that's his actual last name. It could be Wason Wason Wason Wason and that's his actual

last name it could be Wason it could be but I think it's Wason it could be Wason it could be Wason I like Wason shout out to you

thank you for the brownies which we were disappointed to find out did not have marijuana in them does that confirm yeah but also thank you for not sending

the marijuana in them that would be that would be a shady problem but shout out to you and thank you for the candy thank you for the gummy bears which I'm keeping I'm not sharing with you but there are some of those Not sending the word marijuana in them. That would be a shady problem. That'd be fuck. But shout out to you and thank you for the candy. Thank you for the gummy bears, which I'm keeping. I'm not sharing with you, but there are some of those orange gummy tangerine slices.

Shout out to Kyle and Soothsayer Hot Sauce in Chicago for the care package. He sent us a number of hot sauces from his company. Hell yeah, hell yeah. In addition to a number of Cutty Sark hats. Dude. One is on my purse. I was just wanting to get a new hat. Yeah.

And don't have any money. Yeah. I'm wearing a hat sauce right now. As we speak, I'm wearing a hat sauce, but I kind of want... I'm wearing a fucking polar hat. Shout out to Polar. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

We're going to draft shout outs. Oh, yeah. Shout outs. Fucking could today. The other thing we have to do is last week we were hit up by this friend of the show, this guy Eric, who was going through a hard time. He's got Crohn's disease, and it's pretty rough, and he needed a wheelchair. He needed a bed.

He just had a – we didn't. Three years ago, he had a second surgery that went really bad, and he has a permanent he just had a we didn't, three years ago he had a second surgery that went like really bad and like he has a permanent port in his chest, just shitty stuff and like the medical bills were piling up and I like just linked to his kickstarter, he needed $300 for the wheelchair right

and I said to the AFE fans like hey if you want to like kick in you know this is a fellow fan I'm get goosebumps dude and uh so within 20 minutes so fast from the time i left work to the time i got home i was gonna say because i went to donate and it was already passed yeah way past the thing i was like you guys are the shit everybody out there um so he we met he met that 350 dollar goal quick and then people just kept donating and donating and donating.

All these people, all these fans of the podcast. I think some people didn't even listen to the podcast were just good people. Yeah. Threw in a shout out to Katie Nolan who threw it. I mean, who got on board and Shea Serrano, the really talented writer, signal boosted it and everything. It was fucking awesome. And in the course of that day,

we got him to over $2,000, which when you're asking for the $350, it seems like a lot, but what we didn't know is that that was just for the wheelchair. He also needs a bed, like a hospital bed for his house. And I guess the people,

the medical equipment supplier said they needed three, but if you get to two, we'll throw both of them in. So we got past 2,000. So tight. And you guys fucking hooked it up. It's, I mean, I'm going to turn it over to Sean now just because I can't properly say thank you enough and you're

better at this shit. Oh, it's, I mean, it's first of all, no, I'm not. That was amazing. And it's just mind-blowing. Like I got to, I told my girlfriend about that and she was just shocked. I mean, it's just, it's just mind-blowing like i got to i told my girlfriend about that and she was just shocked i mean it's just in such a in such a shitty sometimes world you know yeah good stuff can happen and that was a very good thing i got super excited about it and it's the only the second time in my life i started crying first time when paul walker died obviously obviously

that's no that's understood yeah that's understandable. I get that. This was number two. Yeah. Number two. So, Sean, I think we have a lengthy list of shout-outs because we're going to shout-out everyone who donated. Yeah, we're going to go because I have two separate emails. So we'll go in phases. We'll do the first one.

These were the people from Twitter. I got the whole list of... Oh, yeah, go ahead. I'll do the first one. These were the people from Twitter. Oh, I got a whole, I got the whole list of, oh yeah, go ahead. Yeah. I mean, well, I was,

so we could, I'll do the people from Twitter first because I said like, you know, if anybody like, shout out on the podcast if you'd like at me on Twitter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, great. Perfect. So here we go. So we got Ben Oken

who we met one night. Oh yeah, he was out that, yeah, little joy. Anyways, fucking awesome dude. Shout out to Ben.

Ben Oken, Nick Graves, that sounds like Ryu's fireball. Ben Oken. Ben Oken. Ben to Ben. Ben Oken. Nick Graves. That sounds like Ryu's fireball. Ben Oken. Ben Oken. Ben Oken. Nick Graves.

Young Nick Graves donated. Young Nick Graves God. Grave digger. Andrew Bendlin. Thank you. Death Squad Washington. Andrew Bend donating. Free coffee, which is at Judge Jed.

There we go. I just shit my pants. Eric Kenney. Eric Kenney. Eric Kenney Chesney. Kenney, you know, from South Park? I do. Can he donate money? Yes, he can.

And he did. Hold on. Are you reading Twitter names or real names? Because I'm so confused. Real names. Oh, okay. If they have a real name on Twitter, I'm reading that. Well, that's why I said their handle.

Okay. But if they have a real name, I'm reading that. I'm sorry. Keep going. Jordan Rust. Hey. Jason Pinkham. Ooh, Pinkham uh angel de la riva could be an on hell even hell yeah uh servant side eye which is at bit of avida ben cron don't cry for just a bit of avida manda manda judkins yeah what up the portland og we got Rod at Michelle

at could be Michele it could be Michele were you a producer with Dr. Dre or an on Eazy's label Tyler and Ronnie at at YFPFP which I believe is a podcast

Nick Rodriguez got your boy Hanzo. That's the... Your boy Hanzo. Shout out to Hanzo. That's so tight. Indeed our boy. Evan Wooten.

Alex Arnott. David Ekman. Yeah. The real Tom Sturdy. Dave... I think it's Davey which is tight. Cool.

Holly Hurley. Feather who I met in... Girl, shake that Holly Hurley. Phillip Beal. Girl, shake that Holly Hurley. And we, who I met in in Milwaukee Phillip Deal and we got PorgMS20 at the Robot Box, so those are the shoutouts from Twitter fucking shoutouts to you

that'd give you just a context of everyone who donated here, without riffing I'm just gonna quickly go through the names of everyone who donated on the GoFundMe Anonymous, A. Gray, Anonymous, John Perry John Grady, Nicholas Conroy, Mike. Anonymous, A. Gray, Anonymous, John Perry, John Grady, Nicholas Conroy, Mike Burchette, Alicia Dittman, Anonymous, Pants Lasagna,

you fucking weirdo, Bridget Berkholder, Cole Froehling, Asil Kavinsland, Robert Fisher, Corey Molle, Dareth Salchek, Pat O'Donnell, Marissa Donnellan, Lisa Allen, Lauren Glass, Anonymous Anonymous, Aydin Livne, Anonymous Anonymous, Iden Livne, Anonymous Anonymous,

Ben Oken. Oh, you got twice. Trevor Steinberg, Bo Rosser, TM, Anonymous, $260 Anonymous. Fucking shout out to you. That is buck. They gave more than me. Daniel Cuneo, Anonymous, Andrew Bendlin, Leo Gonzalez, Jessica Blanton. Oh, St. Sue Carmel.

My. Like we needed proof. Eric Bungie, J.D. McKenzie, Clayton Schroeder, Tori Glock, Dennis Merzman, Jordan Rust. Jordan Rust again. Jordan, you double dip, broski. Anonymous, Carlos Rojas, Christopher Huggins, Eric Kenny, twice for Kenny, Matt Height,

Jason Pinkham, Christina Fontes, Angel De La Riva, Ryan Mead, Allison Croy, Matt Peele, Chris Jackson, Keith Kunis. Shout out to Keith Kunis. Shout out to Trill Blazin. Bacon, not a condiment is one of the names on there. David's got a shirt on.

Put this shirt on, dude. Put it on. Mohanad El-Sheikhi, fantastic stand-up comedian out of Portland. Shout out to Mo. Jeffrey Sizemore. Oh, oh, Muscle Beach himself, Zach Toscani threw down $50. He found time to do something in between lifting free weights. In between getting retweeted and doing curls.

Is he still not talking to you guys? Can we call him Mr. Muscle Beach? Mr. Muscle Beach, he hasn't talked to Sean or... No, he just walks around naked now. That's a real move. Jeff Spiker, Joey Davenport, Ben Finley, Anonymous, Amanda Judkins, Rose Harding, Greg Curry,

Ben Santlofer, Chris Collins... Ben Santlofer. I just had to hear that again. What did you think of him? Nicholas Rodriguez, Andrew Luvano, Wayne Telford, Pelicans Reddit. Oh, shout out to the Pelicans Reddit. Congrats on the playoffs.

Joshua Black, Luis Ramirez, Tyler Work, your boy Anzo, John Marlett, Drew Finling, Michelle Trappiano, Evan McCarthy, Evan Wooten, Sean Navarro, Alex Arnett, Sarah Holmberg, Matt Sillich, John Geffro. Oh, Matt Sillich. Yeah, shout out to John Geffro, too. Mitch Kappa, Anonymous, Stephen Rogers, Melissa Nolan, Anonymous, Anonymous, David Eckman, John Wilkinson, Dan Stueve, I'm sorry, Dan, Praveen Manava, Jeff May, Samuel Cooper, Dan Devine, shout out to Dan, Rod Garolla, Crystal Saucedo, Christine D'Amato, Holly Feather,

Tom Sturdy, Hector Perez, Jacob Rust, Connor Wrighton, Morgan Evans, shout out to Morgan, Ken Craft, Tom Fernelli, oh, shout out to Tom, Nick Colucci, Philip Dial, Jesse Bustamante, Mike Thompson, Andrew Wade, TJ Matheny, Dawson Durbecki,

and some fucking prick named Ian Carmel. You guys, thank you so much. Yeah, and some fucking prick named Ian Carmel. You guys. No, thank you so much. Yeah, I do. I mean, that's,

that's a long list of people. And that many people there. That's 117 people. I was going to say, I just kicked in now because I realized I didn't before. Okay. And, uh,

Oh, if you scroll to the top, wait, is that, no, Oh, it hasn't loaded yet, but Mike Malloy to,

uh, go out and just be cool be nice smile at people like call someone tell them you love them do do all that stuff life is good you know be happy like try to let go of your stress focus on things like this like that made me feel so good hearing that right and that's amazing and it's a stressful fucking world that we live in so just try to be happy. Just be stoked. Be happy to be alive. I'm sitting here with my best friends in the world

and I love it. And I hope everybody else is enjoying. And finally, shout out to Eric Burt, man. We hope this helps feel better and like, you know, yeah. Enjoy your summer. Now, because of everyone who donated, this guy gets to go hang out with his family in the summer and he's not going to be stuck in a bed in the house all day.

And that's because of you. Because you did more than just like a tweet. You went. You hit donate. You fucking entered in your card information, which is a headache. And you did something. So really, thank you. I've been waiting to cry on here.

And even the people that don't donate, like if you're fucking signal boosting it. Signal boosting too. Is that like gaslighting? know, that's huge too. Is that like gaslighting? No, that is a very different thing. It's positive gaslighting. Yeah, I didn't mean to. Signal boosting is like, yeah.

If you don't have any extra square element, retweet it. Oh yeah, that's fucking great too. Bringing more eyeballs to it. You know, not tricking you into thinking a reality is different. No, I got it. Positive gaslighting. Yeah, no, I heard you. Positive gaslighting too. Are you fucking, you don't even repeat yourself? Yeah, I got it. Positive gaslighting. Yeah, no, I heard you. Positive gaslighting, dude.

You don't even repeat yourself? Yeah. I get it. Yeah, I heard you the first time, dude. Yeah, so fucking shout out to everyone there. Today, we aren't gathered here to just read a list of names, even though that'd be wonderful. We have come together in beautiful, sunny Los Angeles, California. The Dream Factory.

It's a beautiful day. We're here. Oh, man. Your boy caught half a tan. I'm excited. Yeah, you were out and about all day. I was. Out and about. We're here. Oh, man. Your boy caught half a tan. I'm excited. Yeah, you were out and about all day. I was. Out and about.

Out and about. Out and about. As a certain super producer would say. And we are here to draft. And I wrote it down very specifically. And I want to make sure I get the phrasing right. Yeah. Yeah, it's very important.

I like the way it was phrased. And like specifically in the text. Yeah. Wait a minute. Yeah. Okay. Songs that when they come on, you're like 90% ready to fight someone.

Oh man. Malloy's standing up right now. Ready to fight someone. I have a, I have a shirt just melted off. Oh, I have a machete and the machete has an etching of me holding a machete on it. Just like gold.

I got gold-plated nunchucks. My nunchucks are heavier than anything I've ever bench-pressed, but I can still wield them somehow. I have on a Ryu-style bandana, but it doesn't look lame. It looks awesome. It has Ryu on it, and it's still, like, waving in the wind.

I have on Shane's, that shitty pink necklace. That red necklace! I snatched this chain a while back, and today I'm wearing it. I'm wearing no shirt with metal arms like Jacksonville. Doing that punch the ground thing. Just smashing cowards from side to side i am i have created a clone of myself i pulled out my own skeleton and we're both standing straight up screaming into each other's mouths

you're just making up like fatalities of new new mortal kombat fatalities dude god whose job was that i don't know but what college is What college do you go to for that? If they'd have told me I could go somewhere and learn to make up new fatalities, I'd have gone to that college. Yeah. Yeah? Dude, some of those fatalities, we'd sit after we skated all day, because it was kind of tricky to get the fatalities.

There was always one kid in every crew who could do them all. Oh, I know. At the arcade was the buckets. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, and then just fucking dip into the animalities. At the arcade was the buckest. And then just fucking dip in the animalities. When you got to pull it out at the arcade though, like that was the shit.

When you're like, I'm not talking at home, like at the arcade. Oh, the crowd? Everyone's just like, damn. People like running in circles around the arcade

and you're like, yeah, dog, who's next? Some kid just pukes. Bort! Jonathan! He's not supposed to come to the arcade. He gets too overstimulated

uh work so we are gathered here to draft that now to determine the order of that draft the three of you must play a rollicking game of rock paper scissors fuck you boy you throw and shoot so here we go rock paper scissors shoot fuck

rock paper scissors shoot holy shit rock paper scissors You throw and shoot, so here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Fuck. Oh! Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Holy shit! Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh! Oh, David Boy! Shit! Pull the head!

A few people crushed the numbers, and he was beating you by one? I know. Yeah, yeah. He beat me by one. And now it's two. Well, so David won, and he gets to determine the order of the draft. And before you do, I want to remind you it is a serpentine draft. And now what does that mean?

That's a great question. I'm actually pretty stoked that you guys asked, because it's so like, let's say you have one of those Roomba things that cleans the floor. Yeah. You're in like a super, super, super skinny hallway. And the Roomba is just back and forth, kind of cleaning the hallway. So it goes all the way to the end, stops, makes a pick, makes another pick,

and then comes back and just cleans the hallway, just back and forth. Basically, you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. I'm tracking. Okay, yeah, you got it. I'm tracking. Now, so what will the order of the draft be, David?

Once again, I am going to have to go first. Ooh, all right, David's going first and then we're gonna go counterclockwise we're gonna go so malloy's last so it's gonna be me sean ian mike i just like hearing the words david sean ian mikey and with the first pick we will find out right after a short commercial break what's up everybody do you have a face? Does that face sometimes produce hair? Even if it doesn't produce hair, do you just need help looking your best and feeling your best? Well, dollarshaveclub.com is here to help, all right? Dollar Shave Club is more than just razors, and it's better than shopping in a store. How do I know that for sure? Because your boy is a Dollar Shave Club customer, all right?

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right give me one second here. Just wait a goddamn... I'm not trying to be a shit here, but I want to get it right. I hate to be a prick, but I want to make sure it's right. I don't want to be a fucking asshole. Songs that, when they come on, you're like 90% ready to fight someone draft. David, you have the first pick. This is so hard. Yeah.

The first pick is like, I said it, and then i immediately regretted it i fourth i feel like is the catbird seat here yeah i'm really because it's like okay okay number one yeah i have to go with damn number one yep i'm going bone thugs and Biggie Notorious Thugs oh don't fucking fight let's right now yeah when Busy Bones comes on you know what he says

I get cinnamon and leaf speed and you're like yo man stop the car right now I don't give a shit about highways Karen we're fighting that's how that song makes me feel Stop the car right now. I don't give a shit about highways, Karen. We're fighting. That's how that song makes me feel.

You're jumping over a median, even though you know there's like eight feet until the next line. Yeah, I don't give a shit. That's the song you jump offstage into the crowd on. You're saying like, no, life or limb, I'm not worried. I'll get my ass beat backwards dude you're just like backwards into like i hope people aren't there i want to hit the ground i want to feel something i want to hit the ground yeah if i hit the ground i might fall to hell and then i'll beat the fucking shit out of the devil strangle him with it

just all that everyone at the bone concert's like stop but what bone concert's done this dude fell down to hell. He fell to hell. You're just making a hard-on contact with Hitler? And fucking Betty Crocker, dude, just going back and forth between the two of them, strangling the devil to death with his own tongue. Oh, yeah. It's tongue-strangling music, for sure.

This song's wild. It is fucking... It does get you... It's pretty mellow. But it starts with... It's bonin' biggie, biggie. It's bonin' biggie, biggie. We gonna rock and roll. I don't know what they say. How's it... No, it's Bone Thug and Biggie, Biggie, it's Bone Thug and Biggie, Biggie. We gonna rock and roll.

I don't know what they say. How's it, no, it's, no, then he comes in, he's like, let's ride, let's ride, let's ride, let's ride. Get high, get high, get high. Much like Bone Thug's Harmony themselves, it's like, it's a very calm kind of song, but still terrifying. Yeah, yeah. Also, Biggie raps so fast.

Yeah. I love it when he was fast rapping He didn't do it a lot No but he was armed and dangerous Yeah dude Ain't too bad he couldn't bang with us A lot of words Fuck yeah we know Wait what is it

He said straight up we know Angel Dust Which is like whoa I've never had to like clarify Like what's that you have David Oh don't worry It's just straight up weed. It's straight up weed. Yeah, no angel dust today.

Not today. It's Tuesday. You know I get dusted on Wednesdays. Come on. Yeah, dude. I agree. When I get dusted, I like to spread the blood like mustard. My man.

Move over, Lucifer. I'm more ruthless there. Never even seen angel dust. You could give me a hundred phone calls. It'd be like make a hundred phone calls calls I wouldn't know how to get Angel Dust You say that Yeah Sean I imagine you could The three first calls are sitting in this room

Who would call me to find Angel Dust Yeah Why would I be the one You're the one with mesh shorts on dude Yeah but I also You're the first call Actually there's a different person also... You're the first call. Yeah, I guess. Actually, there's a different first call. I was going to say,

there's no way I could... We all would make the first call. We all know it's obviously... That would be our first call. Oh, yeah. Oh, he would be the first one. Yeah, everybody... We got named with Al Horton.

It's not called a cop podcast. It's not called a cop cast. What do you think cops listen to for podcast? You think there's a copcast What do you think Cops listen to for podcasts You think there's like a cop podcast Whatever UFC Shit you know Just driving like I am a fucking cop dude You are right

Wait a minute Wait a minute Whatever sunglasses came out that week Sort of podcast That's the podcastlass whatever wait a minute whatever sunglasses came out that week sort of podcast that's the podcast just called wait a minute wait a minute

what's going on over there I'm putting up a lemon yeah dude Notorious Thugs I love it Notorious Thugs or is it Notorious Thug

I don't know Thugs I think it's Thugs that was a hard it's just like as soon as I hear that song I'm just like yeah

and then it just like escalates you start looking around. You're like, what's up, though? Anybody can get it. The quiet storm. Let's play that at the Roost next time and just kind of see. Just see what happens.

Well, both of you are out of town this week, and Dave and I are going to go play at the Roost 10 times in a row. Hell yeah. And nobody's going to judge. We're going to wear matching black cutties on our cats, black t-shirts and shorts. And we're going to go back to back like Ken and Ryu did. Oh, man. With a medicine ball.

You might also fuck up a car outside. We might get it right. God, if I just drove down Los Feliz and I saw you two just dragon punching some car. Punching and fucking beat the shit. Ian's doing that helicopter kick. He's just in the air for like 10 seconds. Smash cut to us driving away in that

taco truck that's running on the border from it. David's in the back, no shirt on. We made it! We just have to get to Glendale. They have no jurisdiction in Glendale. Where we have the protection of the Armenian mafia. There's chorizo everywhere. Oh man, hell yeah.

So yeah, Notorious Thugs hell yeah so yeah Notorious Thugs number one Chantel Jordan if it's still my sunshine I'm gonna punch you in the fucking mouth that makes me wanna fight for a whole different reason it might be a real fight I know it's up to Sean

to make his first pick hope it doesn't take too long to make his first pick I didn't even't take too long to make his first pick. Did you know that Len was going to be here today, Mike Beloyed? I had no idea. I didn't even know Len was still living in LA. I thought they had to move to Fresno after what happened. Not only is Len here, but that Yelly guy from the Aqua songs, remember him from back in the day?

I am the teddy man. Yeah, he's here. Coming from Pouty Land. He came with Len. You know, I heard Shaggy's here, too. Give a little's... Come and bump out to Lent. He came with Lent. You know, I heard Shaggy's here, too. Give a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Let him know. Shaggy.

Reggae fantastic. They call me Mr. Lover, Lover. Show me you're my angel. You're my darling angel. Closer than my peeps, you are to me. That lyric has always bugged the shit out of me. Girl, you're closer than my peeps. Life is me that lyric has always bugged the shit out of me girl you're closer than my peeps life is one big party when you're still young but who's gonna have your back when it's all done and then when he talks he sounds like uh like idris elba and the wire

yeah it's crazy he sounds so sophisticated so i feel like it's one of those songs this is my yeah it's not that i feel like my my list is gonna be pretty hip-hop heavy so i feel like it's one of those songs this is my yeah it's not that i feel like my my list is gonna be pretty hip-hop heavy so i'm gonna go the other way the first pick is going to be uh dropkick murphy's shipping off to boston because that is us that song might as well just be called fight you know what song that is no you're gonna sing it for the beginning of the departed then it starts at that song gets you tense and you're just like who the fuck is with my girlfriend right now and it's got those fucking like dropkick Murphys. So it's weird, like folk lyrics. Yeah. But then it's like, I'm a sailor pig and I lost my leg. Herman of the top sail, I lost my leg.

And it's like, all right, well. I picture a lot of swashbuckling going on when that song's like. Oh, yeah. A lot of spilled alcohol on the ship. I think about a lot more buckling than swashing. See, I just got fatigued by that song very quickly because being from boston because you shipped off to boston when you were born and especially especially because it was during the like first red socks world series that that song came out and it was played non-fucking stop jonathan pappelbaum yeah anytime anytime i was i'm on the fucking road in the last 10 years

there if i don't specifically say, please do not bring me up to shipping out to Boston, it gets played. Oh, that sucks. And I have to, like, if there's more than one show at that venue, I have to be like, hey, I know I didn't clarify before. That's on me. Please don't fucking bring me up to that ever again. Don't bring me up to that.

Don't bring me up to the fucking Cheers song. Don't bring me up to any Boston. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Some of these... You don't know what I fight to. Language. Language, dude. It could be the Cheers song. Chicken or the egg. Were you mad because they brought you up to that song or did they bring you up to that song because you were so mad

the previous time you were at the club? Who knows? What do you do, Mike? Anyway, that song lights me the fuck up. And also just the beginning of the departed it just gets me yeah yeah it is what is it in the departed that like opening credit sequence takes place 45 minutes into the movie it's deep in and that's when that song like it just boom the departed then that song kicks on yeah it's yeah it is awesome it's one of those ones it's one of those it's fine i'm with you but it's one of those ones where like it

kind of like uh when like a wave collapses over itself and then you're like because when they get like ship it up to boston wall and you're like oh i'm so why were we fighting again i've never heard the whole song well it loses theme it turns so it starts off real like real like thumping but like and then the lyrics go and you're kind of like, oh, hey, you know what? I'll get you a beer. And then it goes, to find my legs, or something like that. And then it starts in again.

You're like, you know what? Give me that fucking beer I just bought you. Give me that beer back. You just want to fight again. You call him... Hey, guy, give me that beer back. Yeah, that's when you start throwing the word chief around. Chief.

What is the power ranking of those terms? Chief is the ultimate like. Chief is the most cuddly. Let's pop these shirts off. Yeah, chief has got to be the most confrontational. Although if you call someone kid. Yeah. Not when you've heard yourself as the kid, which I love.

Nephew or son. Boy is usually one. Oh, boy. Yeah, that'll get you. Yeah. Nephew or son. One that really gets me is guy. When someone's like, what's up, guy?

That makes me want To fucking kill someone Kill someone kiddo That can That can get you My godson kiddo Yeah Oh god Yeah

Yeah I'd get beat up for sure Yeah Threatening to fight somebody And calling them sport At the end of it Oh sport Sport is disrespectful David's a champ

David's I just went cross For a second They're rich I'm just thinking about it Anything If you were a stepdad, you would call a kid. Yeah. Anything a stepdad, anything that you could respond to with like, you don't even live here, Frank.

Like that. Anything like that. Yeah, man. Shipping off to Boston. To find my wooden leg. That's a solid pick. That's a good one. I'm happy. I was nervous about it. That was such a good phone pick. That's a solid pick. That's a good one. I'm happy.

I was nervous about it. That was such a good phone pick. It's a good pick. My list is also going to have a lot of hip hop on it. I kind of had a feeling. And it's going to start here. I'm taking Ante Up. Damn it, dude.

Damn it. I thought it was going to go for the second. There's no way that was going to make it. No. I thought it would make it to the second. And just to be clear, Annie up the Robin Hood's theory remix, which is the one we all know and love.

So read the lyrics very casually. Oh, please. Let me do that. You can read the lyrics without getting excited? Let's see that. That song sounds like a robbery. Let's try this social experiment where we just read. Just read like the chorus.

All right. Okay. Ante up. No, cut that fool. They want to act stupid? Gun butt that fool. When I cock that tool, redacted, run your damn jewels. For we fuck around and lay you up in your own blood pool.

Hunt you down. Run your ass down your ass down unleash the hounds till them redacted gun your ass down it is such a bug fronten like this was a thing of the past with tattoos over the scars a redacted left on your ass my redacted think lopsided bust they got cross-sided. In the subways, they rob trains running alongside it. Blunt, blunt, see, motherfucker, we don't play for that shit. And if you want your shit back, you have to pay for that shit. You just robbed someone and you're like,

I'll sell it back to you right now. My feelings are hurt. Yeah, that song is so scary. Like, it's actually scary. Like, when you listen to it you're like i don't know if i should be listening well the chorus my favorite chorus is annie up yap that fool annie up kidnap that fool that's a commitment that's a that's a major crime yeah that's like a friend telling somebody else yeah he's like what should i do and just the way they yell it yeah and the beat too is just like scary those dudes

look scary yeah they're called mash out posse i bet they are just straight up scary like if you have seen mop yeah yeah i'm just saying like if you're with them i think it'd be pretty accurate as to you'd be like oh yeah you're scary in real life like it's not there's no front or anything i've never heard of someone being from or around Brownsville not being scary. Do you think there's anyone who thinks they're called Mop? I guarantee it. I guarantee it.

They better be tough. I love that Mop song. Yeah, you guys hear that Mop song? Annie up by Mop? I know when we'll get the party started. Why don't you guys throw in Annie up by Mop? You know the best part about M.O.P., my favorite M.O.P. story, is there is a song, and I think it was just like they were on the same label or some shit, so by some weird trickery, there's

this song that's LFO. What? And M.O.P. It's called Life is Good. The Summertime Girls? Yeah, the Summertime Girls guys and M.O.P. did a song together. It's called Life is Good. The Summertime Girls? Yeah, the Summertime Girls guys and M.O.P. did a song together. It's called Life is Good. It's so funny because the chorus

is like, life is good, life is great, and then the LFO guy he does like a reggae like, from the top to the sun all day. He does a reggae thing, and then the M.O.P. just comes in and the whole tone of the song is different. Of course it is. It's like this beautiful, fun song, and then

M.O.P. is like, last night a young man lost his life and the heat was tossed. And LFO starts crying though. No, no, M.O.P. I think at one point he's like, Brownsville Tears! And you're like, I don't even know what that is. I killed Abercrombie in front of Fitch! LFO calls their agent,

dude, M.O.P. was not at all what you said they were going to be. So, I mean, yeah, guys, YouTube it, though. It's on YouTube. That's fucking crazy. It's the funniest song ever. I'll watch it this evening. I gotta admit, I'm pretty pissed. I thought Anteup was going to fall to me as soon as David picked that. I thought David was going to pick

it first. At least tell me you were going to take in the first round. Oh, I was thinking that. That wasn't getting back to David. Oh, not a chance. Notorious thugs I think is more true to me. I'll tell you what happened is Annie Up was wandering around on the sidewalk, and I pulled up in a windowless van. Get him, get him, get him.

Hit him, hit him, hit him. Sometimes when I'm driving, like my commute is almost over, and I'm leaving Atwater Village and entering Glendale, I'll throw that on and just fucking wail home. With both windows down. You gotta go hard in the car. I've had that song come up

in mixes or whatever in the morning and had to change it because I'm like, not time for that. That's one of those songs where you're like, nah, it's not Friday night. I don't want to get too. I got errands to run. Can't be.

I can't. I can't listen to this and then be in a Ralph's. Oh, no, no. Like, I got to call my mom later. Yeah. You just run into Ralph's. Where the fuck are the green beans, dude? I don't even eat them. I want to steal them all.

Pointing a gun at the produce guy, telling him to run those. You want to put it in paper or plastic, and then you hold up your own bag. Burn up that pool! Yeah, I'm here to kidnap all my groceries. I won't be paying for them. I'm going to kidnap them. Oh, shit. That song.

If you're bench pressing while that song comes on, and you're struggling to get it up, and then that comes on, you will throw the bar through the roof of the 24-hour fitness and an eagle will catch it. That's true. You're throwing it a long way up because you have already fallen down to hell at this point. So you're bench pressing and throwing it all the way up. In fact, when you press up, the force not only throws the bar into the air but also sends you back down into hell. And pushes heaven even farther away. So now heaven's not even an option.

Right. You're just down there. There is no heaven. It's just Bruno Mars sitting outside of a gate with nothing behind him. And he's going, look at me, Pop. Let's still be lit. Yeah. Yeah.

It'd still be okay. Yeah. Annie Up, Robin Hood's Theory, remixed by M.O.P. Hell yeah, dude. Mike, it's time for your not as good pick. I'm regretting my first pick. It hasn't happened in a while. I'm very upset about this.

I might not make another pick. You can just pick it five times. You didn't have the draft. With my first pick, I select the Star Spangled Banner. Oh, shit. I was thinking about it. I was thinking about it. I was thinking about it. I was thinking about it.

This list is going to get a little weird. There's all kinds of fights. Within three years of 9-11, part of it was like, I'll fucking go. With my first pick, I select Bring the Ruckus by Wu-Tang. That was on the list. Easy pickings. Yeah, Wu-Tang is also All their music songs

There was like five Wu-Tang songs that were on the list And I figured I had to go with The one that I feel the most strongly about Bring the motherfucking Rock Kills You gonna give me a little taste Mikey? How's the song go? You can download it on Spotify or iTunes And find out if you're not familiar with it

I kick it Hardcore I can't remember how it goes Like porno flick bitches? Put it on Spotify or iTunes and find out if you're not familiar with it. I kick it hardcore. I can't remember how it goes. Like porno flick bitches? Oh, yeah. Kick it hardcore. I rip it hardcore. I rip shit. No, that's what happens when I try to rap.

I rip it hardcore like porno flick bitches. I roll with groups of ghetto bastards with biscuits. I don't even know. Ian had a cute little smile on his face. Checking my method on the microphones, banging Wu-Tang slang and leave your headpiece hanging.

Yeah, yeah. Bust this, I'm kicking like Seagal out for justice. The roughness, yes, the rudeness, the ruckus. We used to go

with Smith's mom, a kid I grew up with. She would drive all of us up to Minneapolis on skate trips and we'd just listen to 36 Chambers. A bunch of like

15-year-old kids just screaming it in this car she a mom i wonder about music like that sometimes where i'm like you're just a mom from south dakota you and then your kid just puts this in what do you think they are you just like what the fuck is they had a dynamic as that that was where sean could do a lot of things and that was one where we're just like my my mom would never let me fucking listen to 36 james it was anita baker in the car it was melissa after it was running through the fucking know about them amy grant was running through the old timid voyager oh yeah david tell uh oh your mommy i was talking to my mom the other day and she she listened sometimes and she's like, she was like,

I don't know why everybody got mad at you about that Tiffany pick. She was huge. And I was like, this is why I picked it because of your feelings. You put them on me. Like we don't, other people don't feel that way. It's just us. It's me and you holding it down. That is amazing. Yeah, dude dude your mom's the shit and uh i guess i'll just take my second pick real quick uh it is a song by a group called run

the jewels off off the album run the jewels and the song is called run the jewels sure i don't even remember the song goes uh you've heard it, it's good But like as soon as I first heard That first Run the Jewels album I was just like, I had my fist clenched Oh yeah dude, their beats are like Built for it This may not be the last we hear of Run the Jewels How's that song go? Let me hear a little bit

If you have iTunes or Spotify On your phone, you can find out Is this a goddamn iTunes commercial? Or a cop podcast? Let's hear some rapping. What are you doing? Pee alone style. That's not my thing.

I leave that to the professionals. I'm bad with names of songs on albums I like. Is that the one that is- It's the first one. Yeah, that just starts out with that real low gutter bass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you just hear that, I feel like I get shifty when I hear that. Yeah.

It's like, oh, what? Who's doing it? Who's doing it? Especially when the beat drops on that song, because it's just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then it starts off, run, run, that one. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's super dang. By the way, everyone leave Killer Mike alone. Nah. Are people going at Killer Mike? Yeah. Yeah. Because he likes having guns.

I have a fucking, like, here's a thing. Like, if you, it's the same rule I a fucking, like, here's a thing. Like, if you, it's the same rule I extend to, like, my father. If you're, like, the descendant of Holocaust survivors, I understand

wanting to have a gun. If police are killing people who look like you all the time, I kind of get wanting to have a gun. There's bigger targets. We don't have to dunk

on Killer Mike on the internet. I don't think people are mad at him about owning a gun. They're mad at him for, like, being a mouthpiece for the nra which is historically not cared about black gun owners that mouthpiece for the nra though he kind of explained is this what we're doing right now i guess so i mean when the point was brought up i mean i felt i should make a counterpoint

i think that he the way he's the way he explained it is that he was like, he's like, I'm going to talk to everybody. I'm going to talk to everybody. Like that's where they got the bite, right? I just don't think that, I'm not mad at Killer Mike at all. I'm not mad at him. The man's done enough good. I just feel like there's so many, like, I mean, God, let's figure out who we need to be angry at. And I feel like if you really dig deep, the answer isn't Killer Mike.

Yeah, go to the top. Yeah. I don't give a fuck who's at the bottom. There it is. Or no, I'm going to get to the bottom. I don't give a fuck who's at the top. You know, that's, yeah, go. I don't know.

Anyway, yeah. But that's a fucking banging ass song. Yeah? Yeah. I went to Run the Jewels at Fuck Yeah Fest in LA last summer. Uh-huh. And, oh boy, that mosh pit was insane. Yeah. I bet, dude dude i got up in the

one at hawthorne in portland i went to the one in hawthorne at so at the hawthorne theater in portland and this it's a weird thing about hip-hop shows like people will just sometimes people just look like pick you and they're like i'm gonna fucking stare at you and like it's that song kind of brought it out that's never happened to me. Me neither. I look like a coward. So, I mean, I do. People look at me like a mark. You look like you've got a cop podcast. Yeah, dude. I got my hands crossed in the front right over my pee-pee

so nobody kicks me. And this dude, so he just starts clocking me and I'm like, what the fuck, man? So I was going to get up in the pit anyways, but I was going to pick my mo- Anyway, I got up in there

and got thrashed around. Yeah. Thrashed around? It was tight. I love it. It's the same reason I like jumping into the waves during the summertime. It's good to just not really be in full control for a while pits can they kind of especially now that i'm old they freak me out because you're just so

out of control we're in our 30s it's kind of weird to be in a pit but i still i still get in there if like you get me to an atmosphere show also at that concert they were like uh killer mike and lp were like don't like if like yeah some dude was like being creepy and they fucking like yelled at him yeah oh nice stage and everything yeah well like like with women yeah with women well don't fucking like don't touch a fucking woman like you'll get kicked the fuck out we don't fuck with you yeah that's insane hell yeah shout out to lp yeah yeah god i'm so stoked that they finally got theirs i know like they've both been independent for so long. LP's been making those beats forever. For 20 years, dude.

I mean, yeah, it's sick that they both fucking, they finally got it. And they're, like, huge. Anyway, they're dank. All right. Run the jewels. Run the jewels. Run the jewels.

Run the jewels. Carwheel, what do we got? It's my second pick. I feel like, I mean, this is something that I would probably take later in the draft if it were just me picking, but I know my audience, so I'm going to take Ambitions as a Rider by Tupac. Oh, you prick. You're so good. I got like five on here and I'm looking.

As soon as that piano kicks in. One of you just whispers, I can't deny it. I'm a fucking rider. You don't want to fuck with me. Oh, man. It's fucking ghost. I used't want to fuck with me. Oh man. Oh, it's fucking good. I used to listen to all eyes on me.

It's got Michael buffer in it. It's like, man, that's like the most Tupac gangster record. Who's now the, the lesser buffer. He was, yeah,

come out of nowhere. The lesser buffer. Does Bruce buffer do like UFC? Is that how he, yeah, yeah, yeah. The lesser buffer. The lesser buffer. Does Bruce Buffer do UFC? Is that how he is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was the clown before. It was just like, oh, there's baby brother Bruce. He's no Michael.

Then he showed him. Yeah. The globe is real for Michael. Michael? Bruce? Who's good now? Bruce. Bruce Buffer.

Both for the same thing? Which one was the UFC one? That's Bruce. Did they both say, let's get ready to rumble? The UFC is different. Let's get ready to rumble is Michael Buffer. Let's get ready to samba. You can do it for anything.

Let's get ready to blue cheese crumble. Let's get ready to blue cheese crumble. Let's get ready to bumble. Oh, let's get ready to bumble. Walk, I could use some cheering up before that shit. All right, now I'm going to put you in a halfback. I don't want you to get ready to fumble. Oh, all right. Now, listen here.

I know that this is a, oh, who are those brothers who direct movies? The Cullens? The Wachowskis? No. Let's get ready to Wachowski. Oh, yeah. Let's get ready to mumblecore. Oh, the Duplass brothers.

Yeah, the Duplass brothers. The Duplass brothers. Everybody, welcome to the gymnastics meet. Let's get ready to tumble. Hey, there it is. You're just going to take my bit like that? Is that what you did you just sit next no i'm just kidding oh i thought i didn't hear it no i would never steal your bit no

no no i was just kidding no well now i'm crying no we're having a good time i'm lonely i can't seem to meet girls in real life i don't know what it is i i go to bars and i try to talk to them and they think i'm weird and uh you know none of my friends will hook me up with their female friends. So sometimes I download this app and I'll sit at home and I'll start to think, get myself psyched up. And I'm just like, let's get ready to bumble. It was worth it. It was worth it. It took a minute to get there.

I liked it. Well, not worth it. Bumble. I used to listen. a minute to get there? I liked it. Well, not worth it. Bumble.

I used to listen, when I was in like eighth grade, I would listen to like one full side of All Eyes on, the tape that Ambitions of the Riders is on.

Bringing it back around. Bringing it back around. But I'd go to sleep to that shit. You went to sleep to Tupac? Yeah, all the time. Tupac and-

No wonder you joined the Crips. Somebody tweeted today, somebody put my, somebody put like a Crip. They put a Crip into like a South Dakota travel magazine with my face on it. It took me a second, but I looked at it all up close. I was like, oh, damn.

Because I was like, who is this fucking dork? And then it was me. You were looking at that. And then it was me. It's just the song, it gets me so fucking like that weird like industrial almost nine inch nails ass beat. Like a. Uh huh. And then the choir like. Tupac talks so epic about enemies.

Yeah. Like the way he says enemies just gets you fired up. He was. Yeah. Enemies. The meals. He does say it weird. And just like, that's not a word that I feel like,

like I feel like in regular life, you're not just saying enemies a lot, but he said it all the time. I know, I don't have enemies. I don't ever say that word. Mike Malloy, enemy of the podcast, but friend in real life, dear friend. It is funny when I'm like,

thinking of songs that I want to fight to, I was like, I don't ever want to fight. I know. You really gotta. like thinking of songs that i want to fight i was like i don't ever want to fight i know yeah you really gotta well i don't ever want to fight but i want to want to fight and that's what these songs do yeah these are the one i want us uh and this is fucking one of anytime someone says you don't want to fuck with me and you can yell along to that that's like a good place to be it's a great it feels good if someone wants to fuck with someone they might want to fuck with me. I'm fuck-with-able.

Yeah, I feel that. I'm fuck-with-able. I'm pretty fuck-with-able as well. I try to put off this facade, but I am very much a blowfish. You know what I mean? My defense is to look big and scary. I suppose to actually look like when you scare a cat

and they go, and they get all big and their hair stands up. That's kind of my, that's kind of where my toughness is. I'll see you at the roost. You'll go unplug the jukebox and you'll walk up to someone and you'll go. Everyone's quiet. They're watching like, what is that huge cat going to do? I was going to say, I'll be amazed if Barbie girl isn't on your list. Considering the response it elicited at the roost.

Shit, that would have been an interesting way to go with it. Oh, that's true. I think we actually have the guy who helped sing on Barbie Girl here in the studio, don't we? Oh, do we? Yeah, was he? Was he around? Hi, Barbie! No, that's how the song started!

Come on, Barbie! You don't remember? She says, hi, kid! And he says, hi, Barbie! You guys don't remember? Don't! Don't! I thought you were just going to go, come on, Bobby, let's go party. I like that you started at the beginning. Yeah, I thought we were slow.

Okay. No, I understand. I understand. I understand. Yeah. Ah, now I lost it. Yeah, that sounds great. Let's get ready to rumble.

Anyway, yeah, Ambitions is a ride. Also, Sean. Yeah. I'll let you have it. Don't look at your phone. I'll let you have this pick. If you can spell it the way the song is spelled. Right on the first try.

A-M-B-I-T-I-O-N-Z. Uh-huh. A-S. Nope. A-Z. A-Z. Let me keep going. A-Z-A-R-I-D-A-H.

H. Yeah. You got it. Yeah. You were close. I fucked up that. I knew that was an as with a Z, too. Yeah, yeah.

Silly me. As in corrupt. Corrupt an as on that as. Get all up in that as like a wedgie, dude. Man, as I was saying, I'll let you have it, I was like, shit, Sean probably definitely knows how to spell it. Yeah, I don't even know why. He was started so confident.

I don't even know why I said A-S. I thought maybe you would put a Y in Ryda or you would forget the H. Yeah, the H is what I thought he would forget. Nah. I thought he might have gone Y on the rider. That's what I was thinking too. Your boy knows his Tupac.

Your boy C. Sean, it's time for your second pick. Okay. I don't know how common the rest of these are going to be. You better not pick a common song. There's no common songs on this whole list. So I'm going to pick Gravedigger's Bang Your Head.

You know that song? I think I do. That song, when Riz's voice cracks in that song, bang your head! He's just screaming at the top of his lungs. And him and Prince Paul are so buck on that song. It is astonishing. Bang your motherfucking head.

Bang your head. Bang your head. I don't listen to Gravediggers. This is a Christian house, but I understand. I had a Zoo York board when I was like 16, and I had a Gravediggers sticker, like the size of the board on the bottom of it. I didn't even know who they were.

They were throwing it out at like a demo. So I put that sticker on. I was like, I might as well see what these guys are about. Gravedigger is a blind spot for me. A blank spot or whatever. There's only one Gravedigger we acknowledge in this household and it's the monster truck.

The great big monster truck Gravedigger? All he listens to is, all the truck listens to is Gravedigger's, the rapper. Was RZA in the group? Yeah, it was RZA and Prince Paul and King Tuff, I think.

There's one more guy. No, there's one more guy. Yeah, there was another guy. It was RZA, Prince Paul, and Gatekeeper?

Who, but these are all fake names. Oh, the Gatekeeper? Yeah, I just know RZA and Prince Paul. Those are like the two that I know.

Those are the two, only two is like face I would recognize as well Paul. Those are the two that I know. Those are the two. Only two is Face I would recognize as well. And I can't say that I really fuck with Gravediggers, but that song specifically I've been listening to for years, and it just makes me want to throw down. I understand. It gets you there. Is it like metal-y?

It's like metal rap kind of thing? It's like, you know how RZA gets sometimes when he, like that song he did, I don't want to say other stuff but he yeah it's it's like really industrial screamy rap yeah screamcore rap and it's fucking it is dope dude it is super dope i'm with it yeah makes you want to get there i'm with it all right all right it's a good second pick yeah it feels you know it feels like everyone's kind of freaked out i'm scared of you right now yeah i freaked everyone out i feel what i don't understand and i you know gravedigger's banging your head dude what it's like me when i look at a set of encyclopedias i get scared i don't know what's going on what's in there what the fuck is in

there everything just everything nah nah nah can't be everything gravedigger's banging your head yeah man yeah it's straightforward it's straightforward write down you know as a crow flies I wish I had something to say about it I feel inadequate right now you better not say anything about it dude

write down main street dude sometimes RZA gets wordy for me okay sometimes there's a lot of words sometimes there's a lot of words Main Street, dude. Sometimes RZA gets wordy for me. Okay. There's a lot of words. Sometimes there's a lot of words. Snuck it in. Snuck it in. All right.

So my third pick, I can't believe it's still on the board. Your second pick. Second pick. Yeah, second pick. And then your third. Oh, yeah. Second pick. As it is.

Second pick. Can't believe it's still on the board. Hit from Atlanta. Oh. From the group Crime Mob. Oh, yeah. Knock if you buck. Come on.

Knock if you buck, Bob. Knock if you buck. Crime Mob Hulk. Oh, man. When the girl comes on, we knocking and fucking ready to fight. Oh, man. That song loud in a fucking like loud in a Honda CRX, Aurora, Colorado, 2004. Something might happen to you.

You got some glass packs on there. I might do something to you. All the window tints got bubbles on it. Oh, yeah. Bubbles on all the tints. Because I took the shit out myself. I did it in my friend's garage. Right there in the parking lot, dude.

Three plastic rims, one metal one. Yeah, yeah. I'm saving up. I'm saving up. You got neon runner lights on it dude one of the one of the few songs that gets me more geared up than that song is the one that bid it's beat last year like i forget what the name of the song was but anytime it came out i was like somebody might i was like oh it's gonna be knock if you buck and then it was the the different that's the recent

pop song i was like fuck this that's the only thing that would make me want to fight more than listening to Nuck If You Buck. Is it really? I'm challenged now! See, that song makes you want to fight for a different reason. I mean, that's true. But yeah, that song, man, it was great. Good, aggressive. When people, they're like, well, you say buck all the time.

We all say buck. And people come at me like they've never heard the word before. a sound like have you never heard songs like this it's crazy it just means that you're buck wild i don't i i'll never get it yeah but i don't know maybe everybody did the beginning of the song are crazy too like other than knock a few buck which they say 115 times or whatever but then like uh yeah well i'm ating, pistol holding, on your damn street, stompin', jumpin', bumpin', and we knock off in this damn thing. The whole song is just about beating the shit out of people. That song's just about fighting people. Yeah.

What a writing exercise. It's Juju on that beat is the one that I was thinking. Oh, yeah, Juju on that beat. They beat it. You were thinking of David's third pick. Oh, no, but my third pick. Oh, no, you don't have to. I'm just saying that.

It's funny because my third pick is controversial, has been picked on this podcast by another person for another draft. I think that's fine. I bet we'll run into a couple of those. My third pick, if you remember from the one-hit Wonders draft, JT Money! Oh, yeah!

Who that? Who that? Who that? Who that? Who that? Huh? Who that motherfucker trying to get up in my groove? Oh, that song.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who that? Who that? Who that? Who that?

Who that? Who that? Who that? Huh? Yeah, I don't know you better tell me who you with. Oh, damn, that song. Ooh, I want to fight right now. We're all going to have to fight each other. Close picks. Two players are on the yard.

We take all the cars in the parking lot, line them up in a circle like Lionheart and just fucking fight each other. Just like the LA gun club. We don't need them. I just go. We just have a target. Yeah. Somebody shoot it. We just sprint into the LA Gun Club and be like, we don't need them. We don't need them. We just have them set up a target. Yeah, somebody shoot it. We just scream at it.

The holes appear. Gah! Gah! Gah! Gah! Gah! Somebody shoot at me. I'm going to punch the bullets away.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, that song. I remember watching that video as a kid, and the video scared me because he was in a future prison. Yeah, he was in a future prison. He was in a future prison. Oh, was it like metal boots kind of thing? Yeah, it was like a future prison riot. Like face-off.

I never understood how they got a woman in there. No, but they did. But kind of like face-off? Soleil. Yeah. They were wearing boots that looked like the Super Mario Brothers boots. I am. That's time.

I don't remember that video. Oh, we'll watch it. Yeah, you should watch it. Dude, this is going to be- I might ghost ride my car home going 60. You know what I mean? On the roof. Ah!

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're sprinting. What are you doing? I'm running ladders. Yeah, man. Still hitting the turn signal. I don't know what happened to Mr. Money I don't know

Boy, at the time when that song came out And I heard it If I had stock as a little kid I would have bet it all on JT Money I would have too It seemed like it was just Too big to fail I know

How did he fuck up? What did happen? He had other stuff That came out I don't know I think he's from Florida And it's just tough To make it out Yeah

Yeah yeah Well and like The more true to Like the lyrics you are Maybe the trickier it is Gonna be To make it out Yeah

Those lyrics didn't sound Like they were written By a faker Florida's a one rapper state And it's Flo Rida Yeah he's got it locked down He's got it on lock It's trick daddy

It's actually It is trick daddy Daddy. It is Trick Daddy. It is, absolutely. And 2 Live Crew. Speaking of which, he was discovered by Luke Skywalker from 2 Live Crew. I think a lot of people were. I think a lot of people were. Uncle Luke did a lot for the community. And for the sports world.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, Uncle Luke is for the people. Sure. Uncle Luke, Trick Daddy. Doesn't say what happened to him, but he... I'm going to look him up on Instagram. Pimpin' on Wax was the big one.

And then Blood, Sweat, and Years was the name of the second album. And Return of the Bee-Eyser. And then Undeniable and Pimp... Just in 2016, heiable and Pimp. Just in 2016, he put out Pimpin' Gangsta Party. Really? I'm going to look up his Instagram. That sounds like a fun situation.

Oh, he was in a group called Poison Clan. And in 1995, he put out an album called Straight Zooism. Poison Clan? Poison Clan. But what is Straight Zooism? Gnarly shit. I don't even know. If someone's like, hey, meet me at midnight, we're going to get into some zooism. I'd be like, nah.

By the way, you know I'm Zoo-ish. Zarmitzvit and everything? Yeah, Zarmitzvit and everything. 100%. Zarmitzvit in Russian. That's funny. What happens when they pick a Zarm? Well, first he's got to get Zarmizfid in Russian. That's funny. How do they pick it? Yeah, what happens when they pick a Zarm?

Well, first he's got to get Zarmizfid. Look at us, just writing tweets, cranking them out. Oh, man. We could give these to Mr. Muscle Beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, by the way, guys, JT Money does not have an Instagram, if you're interested. Dude, he's above it.

He lives Instagram. He might have like a LeVar Ball type where he just made his own Instagram or something. Oh, yeah. Shout out to dudes trying to make their own websites. It's JT Pictures. I'm about JT Money. I own JT Pictures. No, we don't make movies.

It's like an Instagram site. He's got his own Twitter, JT Money. I own JT Pictures. No, we don't make movies. It's like an Instagram site. He's got his own Twitter, JT Words. JT Words. But yeah, JT Money. Who Dat by JT Money. Who Dat gets me going. And who dat's got the next pick? We'll find out right after this short commercial break.

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All right. Back to the podcast. And we're back. Sean Jordan. It's time for your third pick. Oh, wait, did,

did David take two? Yeah. Oh yeah. If you buck. Oh yeah. Wow. Wow. So a third pick got to go. I had to pick some Tupac. It's going to be Tup? Wah. No, no, no, no. So third pick, gotta go.

I had to pick some Tupac. It's gonna be Tupac, Hit Em Up. It's gonna be the third pick. Yeah. Because that song is ruthless. From really as soon as it starts. The first fucking, where he just lays it out. He goes, first off, fuck your bitch.

And the click you claim, you're like, damn, dude. No, I mean from when the song starts. Oh, yeah. The first thing he said is- That's why I fuck your bitch, you click you claim you're like damn dude yeah no i mean from when the song starts oh yeah that's why i said your bitch you fat motherfucker yeah which is like and then he took biggie's song too which is fucking bucks it the bread on this rana sandwich is almost the rawest part because it starts with that's why i fuck your bitch you fat motherfucker and at the end he's talking about uh uh junior mafia like doesn't one of you motherfuckers have sickle cell or something yeah that's so mean that guy by the way he went on to die from sickle cell he died from sickle cell he's talking about mob deep yeah oh mob deep yeah yeah yeah that guy died from it yeah my bad yeah yeah man he that song woof it's it's

i can't you're a tupac guy i lovegie so much, I almost can't listen to it. I was just watching one of the Ice-T Biggie Tupac documentary. Yeah. Which, check it out. Really? Some new shit to the case. What? Really?

I'll tell you guys after this is over, because I don't want to spoil it if you guys want to watch it, but it's like, some very interesting new things arrived. But anyways, the point is, when I watched that part about that song, you just realize it's like, dude, that was that guy's wife. I know. People kill for that every day. Dudes kill people for that. Yeah.

Laterally. Every single community. Doesn't matter if rich, poor, black, white. People kill for that. That song violates the Geneva Convention. It does, man. You can't just be out here saying that. Like, for real.

Like, when you dive into the lyrics, then it doesn't make me want to fight. Then I'm just like, damn. Life is tough for some people. But if you just listen to it on the surface, it really gets me going. I think that it was. I mean, I'm just. I think that it was. i think that it was i mean i'm just i think that it was uh i think that it was all i'm gonna say is i think that song was written by an excited

small man yeah yeah yeah that that was like i swear the epitome of like i'm i'm gonna i can hide behind the song for a second not that tupac was hiding from anything but well no but i mean also like if i was gonna kill somebody I wouldn't write a song about it. I'm not trying to be a shitter. I'm just saying I probably wouldn't write a song about it. I wouldn't write a song about it. I wouldn't write a fucking song about it. Dude, it's my thing. I wouldn't write a song about it.

But either way, that song is aggressive. It's so scary. That's an aggressive-ass song. That's another song that when I was a kid, I'd be like, I don't know if I should be listening to this. Yeah, that was definitely one where I don't even think I had that in the house. I wouldn't even bring it in. No, you don't want to. Your mom sleeps here.

When you and a group of friends are all cracking each other, you're like, Sean, you didn't even know what fucking caution of the wind, blah, blah, blah. And you say to me, you're like, I thought it was funny when your girlfriend broke up with you. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. We weren't even talking like that. That feels like too real.

You're just ordering at a restaurant. So did you want tomatoes? Whoa, whoa, whoa. First off. Yeah. Fuck your bitch and the click you claim. No, I don't. Yeah's if that's the first off what's the second that's my question like first off you like crack on me like we might have we

were just hanging out oh what are you another bong rip dude another one huh your dad's dead i mean that's that's that shit that shane will go ahead and say yeah yeah yeah that's shane torres special shane torres who came and graced us with his presence, by the way, recently. Say how you know. The dark in the door. Huh? The dark in the door is my favorite way to say it. Oh, he darkened our door with his presence.

I just didn't want to steal your line, but it's the funniest. Shane, like you just see him on the street and you're like, Shane has arrived. I had to pick him up from urgent care while we were in Phoenix. What? Because he couldn't seem to get through three days. He got an ear infection. He got an ear infection, that's right. That's a barbaric thing.

Because he got gravy in his ear. That's one of those things where I'm like, is that a joke or is that real? Yeah. He got gravy in his ear. No, he did get gravy in his ear. That's already the kind of life he's living, though. Where I was like, wait, he got gravy in his ear. No, he did get gravy in his ear? Yeah, I know. You see? That's already the kind of life he's living, though. Where I was like, wait, he got gravy in his ear? Yeah.

Like, it didn't seem crazy to me. It's also not necessarily a bad thing. Shout out to Shane out there eating enough gravy that he should. Buy his album. Oh, great. Buy his album. He was swimming in gravy. Yeah.

Guy's a gravy man. He's a gravy man. He's a gravy man. A gravy man. My father drove a gravy boat, and my father, for him, drove a gravy boat. It was him, RZA, and Prince Paul in Gravy Diggers. In the Gravy Diggers? Yeah.

In the Gravy Diggers. Shane, when he went to join the Armed Forces, he accidentally joined the gravy, as it were. Cash money is an omelet, but he had a gravy. I'm here to sign. I'd like to be a member of the U.S. Gravy. We love you, Shane. Buy his album. Buy his album. He's the shit. Shane told me when he gets enough money, he's like to be a member of the US Gravy we love you Shane buy his album buy his album

he's the shit Shane told me when he gets enough money he's gonna buy a Gravy Blue Ferrari he's been known to buy hoodies at Old Gravy actually

oh my god lightheaded I'm lightheaded buy his album he's amazing that's just the gravy. Shane, don't lie. Let me splash you for a moment.

Did you tell him your new nickname you came up for him, Mikey? Oh, Doc Hollandaise? Yes. Buy his album. I'm getting a text for this. Do you ever get texts for this stuff? Because I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, good. I'm just making sure I wasn't the only one. Way to go, you fucking assholes. This is what he gets for locking Amy Miller out. Oh, yeah, I heard about that. He locked her out of his house. And then didn't give her a blanket. Oh, shame.

Oh, goodness. First off, fuck your hair and that beard you claim. Oh, my gosh. All fantasy. Oh, my gosh. When we ride, come equipped with Shane. My neck hurts, dude. You claim to be a comedian, but you are. You're a really good comedian.

Very funny. Yeah, you're great. You're a great comedian. You're an amazing stand-up comedian. Nobody's getting around that. Very good at it. He's so good at it. It's time for my third pick.

And I digress. Ooh, and I digress. Oh, man. It's so hard to pick. These are all... It's like, I got a good list. Yeah. But it's hard to be like,

which one do I want to put on the racks? Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it was odd, like sitting at work today listening to shit that amped me up all day. I was getting mad. In situations I don't normally get mad at, I'm like, man, this music does the trick. It really does. Just slamming coffee because there wasn't any straight cutty there, so I just had to drink coffee.

I am going to... No, this is where strategy comes back in. Yeah, fourth pick. I'm going to make... Yeah, third comes back in all right yeah i'm gonna make yeah third pick third pick my next two moves are weird so all right i gotta take uh i referenced it actually earlier but i don't know if anyone noticed so i'm gonna i have to take a biggie song uh-huh yeah and the biggie song i want to take it's he never goes fucking harder than this it's okay and sir marshall mathers of uh detroit michigan is also on there. Dead Wrong by Notorious B.I.G. Yeah, man.

It's fucking crazy. It's like a layback in the cut. All these songs are scary. That's like you see someone come out of their house. You're in your car, you see them come out of their house, and you're like, I'm gonna go handle this real quick. Biggie's whole verse is about a fucking robbery gone wrong. It's like, when I get dusted,

I like to spread the blood like mustard. Move over, Lucifer. I'm a ruthlesser. You're kibitz. I gotta look it up, because I'm not going to get justice. Doesn't he also say he's crazier than a bag of angel dust? Yeah, crazier than a bag of fucking angel dust. But he also, didn't

he say that on... No, maybe. That's a different song. That's a different song. Oh, here it goes. Relax and take notes while I take tokes of the marijuana smoke. Throw you in a choke, gun smoke, gun smoke. Biggie Smalls for mayor, the rap slayer, the hooker layer. Motherfuckers say your prayers. Hail Mary, full of grace. Smack the bitch in the face.

Take a Gucci bag and the North Face off her back. Jab her if she act funny with the money. Oh, you got me mistaken, honey. I don't want to rape you. I just want the paper, the visa. Capisha, I'm out like the vapors. Who's the one you call Mr. Macho? The head honcho. Swift fists like Camacho. I got so much style. Should be down with the stylistics. Makeup to break up. People need to wake up. Smell the Indonesia. Beat you to a seizure. Then fuck your moms. Hit the skins to amnesia. She don't remember shit.

Just the two hits. Her hitting the floor and me hitting the clit. Sucking on the tits. Had the hooker begging for the dick. And your moms ain't ugly, love. My dick got rock quick. I guess I was a combination of House of Pain and Bobby Brown. I was humping around and jumping around.

Jacked her, then I asked who's the man. She said B-I-G. Then I bust in her E-Y-E. You're dead wrong. It's so... What do you do asked who's the man. She said B-I-G. Then I bust in her E-Y-E. You're dead wrong. It's so... What do you do? It's so ruthless. What do you do after you wrote that?

I don't know. Like, he was like, all right, I'm going to go smoke a cigarette. Smoke a partner cigarette. Put the pen down, look out the window, and take a sip of tea. He finished his blueberries that he had from earlier. Takes his glasses off, lays them on the desk. And pinches the bridge of his nose. He calls in the record.

Hey, come here. Give me honest opinion. Read this. I'll wait. What do you think? You see what I did with the mar? You see that? Sucking on her tits.

You heard that, right? Okay. So in the song, I fucked the guy's mother and she loves him. Yeah, she's in. She's just crazy for him. No, I got that, Chris. I got that, Christopher. I love it.

I'm in. It's funny to think he's got like a very Jewish writer. Biggie, so in this song, you're getting in there and you rob this woman. You take her, I don't know, what are you, your Gucci bag? Maybe she's got one of those North Face jackets you like so much. Yeah, I like that. And when you take it, you take the money and everything, and she's like, please don't.

It's not a sexual assault situation, sweetheart. I'm just here for the money. I'm here for the, you know, and then I steal it. And then later on, later on, you go back and you have sex with the guy's mother. Hey. Can you believe that? And she loves it. She's crazy for it, right?

She's crazy for it, and she loves you. She tells you how much she loves you. And then when it's time to ejaculate, and I don't mean to be crass or anything, but yeah, I ain't all right. Vicky's like, yeah, I got it all. Now I turned it all, I made it all right. The Jewish cat from Toontown.

Anyway, I got this other one. It's called Hello, Coney Island. Yeah, dude. I forgot about that song. And then he keeps going. Yeah, when I get dusted, I like to spread the blood like mustard. That is when dusted, for the listeners at home, that's when you shoot someone and there's blood dust that sprinkles back.

I think. See, I think. I just always thought it was getting killed, but that makes a lot of sense. I don't know. If he says dust, did he like to spread the blood like mustard? I don't know. Maybe it is angel dust. When he gets dust, he goes, I think dudes in New York like to smoke angel dust around. I'm getting that.

That's what I'm picking up. Oh, God. Okay, so yeah. In the next verse, I won't rap any of that because it gets real rough. I just, yeah, God. A lot of redacted? It's crazy. A lot of redacted.

No, there's more than redacted in that second verse. Oh my God, I won't, go read it if you really. Listen to the song. Read it during the daytime. It's funny when you read this shit, and you're like, that's what I've been listening to so casually. I knew what he was saying.

I knew it, but I forgot. But you don't process it as much when it's in the song you're like oh this fucking knocks but when you read it you're like dog oh yeah it reads like the last you put a sweater on or something you're like oh my god poor mac mccarthy novel it's fucking anyway yeah and then eminem's in there being weird. But the Biggie part is so fucking crazy. Yeah, dude. I agree. And with that, we move on to Mike Malloy. All righty. I guess we'll keep it on the Biggie wavelength.

I'm going to go with Gimme the Loot. Gimme the Loot! Gimme the Loot! I'm a bad, bad boy. You know, Biggie raps about robbing girls. I like it when he says he's taking a door knockers. Yeah. Blocko!

Blocko! Blocko! The whole thing. He's stripping copper. He's taking everything door knockers. Block him, block him, block him. The whole thing. He's stripping copper. He's taking everything from the place. I used to have a joke about that song where it's like he, because he goes to the girl, he's like, go get your man, bitch. He can get robbed too.

Tell him Biggie took it. What the fuck are you going to do? One of the toughest lyrics. I just, I imagine him being like, tell him I'll be right here. What's he going to do? It's office hours. I'll be right here. He knows where to find me i will be

right here with your shit yeah standing here with it yeah i'm not going anywhere i have your bamboos in my hand yeah i was gonna leave until i found out so what's the get somebody and now i don't want to get too crass on here but there's an edited part to that song even in the explicit version i do know what he's saying why is that that edited? Because it's so crazy. I don't give a fuck if you're pregnant. I was just talking about robbing a pregnant girl. I mean, he said that a lot of times and he did not seem to worry if you were with child.

Yeah, but they blur it even in the explicit version. It might just be a creative choice. Yeah, maybe. Like, figure out what I'm saying, and when you figure it out, you're like, damn. I love at the beginning just the whole, motherfucking right? My pockets feeling kind of tight?

And I'm stressed. Like, he just figured it out. You know what? My shit is slim. It's one of those fun songs where Biggie plays, like, a couple different characters. Yeah, I love it. Like, rapping to himself.

I love it when he just, like, talks about a lot of people. Yeah, I love it. Like rapping to himself. I love it when he just talks about a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so good at it. Yeah. Bum, bum! That song. Man, I used to listen to that going to, when I first started at the comedy club.

I bought Ready to Die. I'd never owned it until I was like 24. Probably I never actually owned that album. And so I didn't really hear that song until way later, like way after it came out. And then you're just like, whoa. Yeah, because I only heard the cuts from Ready to Die, like, you know, whatever the other the radio songs were. Yeah, I had an adult coming back to Biggie as well.

Absolutely. Like around like 22, 23. Yeah. When you hear it, it's just like, wait, wait. That whole album. Incredible. Right. This is more than the hip hop guys.

Because I'm a little too young for it. Yeah. When you hear it, it's just like, wait, wait, wait, this is incredible. Right, this is more than Because I'm a little too young for it when it came out. I liked Mo Money Mo Problems, but I wasn't like, and like Hypnotize, but I wasn't in for like, You weren't listening

to like The What or whatever. Yeah, yeah, I wasn't into the deal. I don't want to say anymore. But that's like, yeah, that album.

That's why I'm a fucking, for a number of reasons, but Biggie over Tupac, man, just efficiency. Yeah. Yeah, he did. I's why I'm a fucking, for a number of reasons, but Biggie over Tupac, man, just efficiency. Yeah. Yeah, he did. I mean, he got it done. Two albums that he was alive for, and then that third one, which is what Dead Wrong was off of, fucking also dead.

Yep. Because it was all words. He didn't do like, Tupac was like, right on our enemies. Yeah. And Biggie was just like, I'm taking that. Yeah. I'm going to take it from you. Except on this song where he goes, I'm taking that. I'm gonna take it from you. Except on this song where he goes,

bum bum! And blocka, blocka! That was my favorite one. Blocka, blocka! What is Mom Dukes? Is that just like a slang for people called Mom? I've only really heard him, like I've heard other people say it, but because of him.

I don't know if that's like where that would be where was she from she was she was from Jamaica Jamaica yeah shout out to Valetta Wallace

big fan of the book big fan Valetta loves it Valetta loved the Ferris Bueller's Day Off episode yeah I was over it she tweets about it sometimes just listen to it for the third time

I miss my son. You boys. And for my fourth pick, I tipped my hand a little bit mentioning Trick Daddy. I'm going to go with, I think Let's Go is Mouse Honey. Let's go. If you want it, you can get it. Let me know. Let me know.

Yeah. Put the fucker hood on. Let's go. Whip it. Whip it. Yeah I'm about to fuck a hater Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Like I want to punch a vase And then it just goes everywhere And it came out when I was in high school And there was a lot of So the football team was very split As far as the rap and the rock Were you on the football team? Yeah yeah So it's like any given Sunday

See that song brought both sides That song brought both sides together A little bit Crazy train riff. But it also had Twister. Yeah, exactly. Aye, aye, aye. Sorry.

Ozzy, you don't have to apologize for a thing. That song was good. Yeah. Lil Jon could get, he can get you there. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, that's what he did was get you there. Yeah. That was like his only job was be like, hey, well, John, you're going to be on the song.

I want you to get everybody there. I mean, think of all the songs that he had in the 2000s that he saw. Wait, we can't say them. We can't talk about them. I know, but I'm just like, oh, God. Like that discography, you know, quite a bit. Yeah, ringtone king, dude. Yeah.

That's crazy. Him and that frog had the shit on lock in the early 2000s that brief window of ringtone money i have no idea what you thought like do you have a jamster plan no big deal yeah do you guys know anybody that has a fucking ringtone at this point no it's wild i'll still call people at work where they have ringback tones oh god oh wow it's, wow. And it's like saliva or something. You're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I know there's some listeners who have David saying shaklackity is their ringtone.

Hell yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. That rules. That's perfect. Can you imagine? It's like three in the morning. You just get a phone call.

Shaklackity, right? Because my phone's never not on silent. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And I don't give a shit what you hear if you're calling. Uh-uh. Yeah. Oh, certainly not no i i will say i had a ringback tone for a little bit though there was a while where it was the thing you kind of had to for sure what if a girl calls she's got to be impressed because i listen to three six mafia and when i get called i want the people around me to

hear the godfather theme in 8-bit. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Pardon me. Oh, yeah. Hello? No, I absolutely do not have the money. I'd love to write you a check for $9,000. Have you not heard of my ringtone? It's 8-bit.

Did you ever buy those 8-bit thinking it would pass and then it never passed? Yeah, yeah. Now I'm out eight fucking bucks. What is that? What are we talking about? It sounds like a Nintendo. Yeah, it was...

Exactly that. Okay, 8-Bit was here for a second. Oh, 8-Bit. Oh, young 8-Bit. Oh, young 8-Bit, God. Why don't we start calling people devil, like young 8-Bit devil. Young 8-Bit devil. I't we start calling people devil like young 8-bit devil? Young 8-bit devil? All right, I'm in on it.

Let's start the devil thing. Do it. Young devil. Your voice gets just, when you say devil, your voice just does that. Young devil. You got the devil in you out of the air. That shit. Do it outside of Zach's door tonight for like a while.

I feel the devil in this room. That's fucking creepy. You thought you could retweet your way out of hell. But hell came for you, Zachary. You thought you could lift weights and add muscle to your frame but what happens when the evil

is coming from the inside go back to bed I'll be here in the morning I'll be here in the morning that would be... You sounded like a man with a southern secret. A man. A man with a southern secret.

Would you... Okay, if you were driving down the street and you just saw a sign, you didn't say what it was, but you saw it's for a store or whatever called a man with a southern secret, would you pull over and go in? Absolutely not. I would drive away as fast as possible. That as fast as possible if there was a kid in the car i would cover their

eyes just in case you don't know who's lurking about a man with a southern secret i would make peace with god yes i would go you would go in you go in oh man i don't know i'd repent and uh yeah i'd go southern secrets feel like the scariest secrets. Yeah. Yeah, dude. But if you make it out- But it could also be a gravy recipe. Yeah, it could be. That's what's fucked up. If you make it out, now you're a man with a southern secret. Yeah, but you don't want to be a man with a southern secret. I don't want to be.

Did you not hear how he talked? He was conflicted. He wasn't conflicted. He knew. Yeah, no, no. He knew. There was a very clear path. He was in it.

Oh, God. Yeah, dude. Okay with it. Oh, God. Yeah, dude. Go to bed. That's a guy that makes a lot of stew. A lot of venison stew. Out of people. Oh, yeah. People stew.

People stew. Go to bed. Go to bed. All right, time for my fourth pick. Oh, shit. And with my fourth pick. All right, time for my fourth pick. Oh, shit.

And with my fourth pick. Breathe the pressure. Come play my game or I'll test ya. Come play my game or I'll test ya. Psycho, static, addict, insane. I'm making breathe. Psycho, static, addict, insane. Breathe the pressure!

Complete became autistia! Psycho! Psychosomatic out of insane! Come play my game! Exhale! Exhale! You're the victim! That's right. What does the prodigy look like?

Weird! You never saw the video? One of them's like a bald black dude, like weird one of them's who never saw the video one of them's like a bald black dude one of those bald like like scary in a voodoo way look like so skinny but like weird and freaky and like lanky and then the other one is this fucking british dude kind of looks like johnny rotten a little bit johnny rotten but he's got like two mohawks yeah two moks, pink, with one of those fucking, like a big nose ring, like they fucking look scary. They look like what, like in the 80s in a comic book, like what punks would look like, you know?

Yeah, yeah. They were fucking terrifying. Except with Mohawks. Mohawks. Mohawkins. They got Mohawks. Momo Higgins' brother. They got Mohawks.

They got Mohawks. Momo Hawkins is the Hawkins. They got Mo Hawks. Momo Hawkins is the Mo Hawkins. He's the Momo with the Southern Secret. He's like, you think Momo Hawkins is a problem? Wait till I call my brother Momo Hawkins. Momo Hawkins. No, bro, if I'm Momo Hawkins,

you're thinking of Momo Hawkins. I'll eat your face. After he tore his ACL at the rocker. That's a pretty good Momo Hawkins. I'll eat your face right off, love. I'll eat it right now in front of your kids. All right. Momo Higgins would never do that.

Do you understand? I'll eat your fucking face. You say bruv, too. He would say bruv. Hey, bruv, bruv, I'll eat your face in front of your children, bruv. I'll eat you right now. Fucking the Kingsman 3, bro. Hey, bro. Bro, I'll eat your face in front of your children, bro. I'll eat you right now. Fucking the Kingsman 3, dude. Yeah.

God, I wish there was a Kingsman 3 there to fight the prodigy. If you guys were confused, the cast of Top Boy wasn't there. It was just Sean Jordan. Don't get it twisted, love. I'll eat your fucking face. I'll eat your face, bro. Right off now. Now it's getting done.

All right. No, I liked it, bro. I liked it. It's my first non-rap pick, and it's fucking, back when that song came out. Did he even say Prodigy Firestarter? The Prodigy. Oh, no, this is called Breathe. Oh, it is?

Firestarter's different. I'm a firestarter. Twisted firestarter. Oh, they're mixing them up. They all sound the same to me, and they all sound like that. Yeah. Like frantic. They're all frantic.

Like high-paced. Their songs sound like they snuck into the studio like somebody's coming they're on a time let me make 100 sure i'm just now i gotta look up what the prodigy oh no i sorry this song starts different you were i was right the one I did at the beginning, you were right. That is Firestarter. This one's like... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Really, picking one is like picking all of them in a way. These guys looks like they would have sold you ecstasy when it first came out. Yeah.

Like new ecstasy. They got this new drug they got to tell you about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These dudes were on the first wave of... First one's free. It's brand new on the streets. How ecstasy makes you really happy theirs just made you angry yeah yeah it's like 28 days later angry you could buy ecstasy over there love or you could buy agony right here for cheaper their ecstasy makes you super fast and like squirrely

like the uh the zombies from 28 days yep and you're fucking you don't care about any how anything tastes anymore. Yeah. You just eat because your body needs fuel so you can go be quick. You're like a hummingbird metabolism. Yeah. So breathe, whichever. I didn't sing the right version of it, but listen to it and see if you don't fucking break your own leg.

You just fucking put yourself in a sauce situation just for fun. Sean, it is time for your fourth pick. All right. So this is, I'm going to guess another deep cut, but it's a song by Cypress Hill. It's called How I Could Just Kill a Man. What is a deep cut? I don't know. How I Could Just Kill a Man.

I feel like that's a top five. Yeah. Cypress Hill. Really? Well, good. The way it starts, just that I've never known how to explain it. I would say it's two. Don't you know I'm loco?

Isn't that how it's done? That's the stain in the membrane. That's the stain in the membrane. Yeah, I was going to say. The stain in the membrane is obviously their number one, but I'd say that's 1A or 2. Now welcome to the studio, Mike Malloy, professional Cypress Hill historian. No, it's in this scene in Juice where... What the fuck's his name?

He's Chasin' Bishop. Raheem? No, Q. Q's Chasin' Bishop through this house party, and they're playing that song, and I was like, what? It's all red. All the lighting's red.

And I'm just like, what fucking song is this? How about we just kill a man? Here is something you can't understand. How about we just kill a man? That's a very can't understand. How I could just kill a man? That's a very regal way of saying it. I get it. I understand it. And it's got that mid-late 90s, kind of like Dre did it a lot.

It was on a, I don't want to name other songs, but it was just that squeaky kind of up and down. It's like lion. Like that kind of thing. It's such a good song. And that's one that I don't listen to anymore. And then it'll come up, like it'll just come up at work or something.

I'm like, Oh, I love this fucking song. Man, you listen, you get, you listen to crazy shit at work. Oh,

you listen to the other day. You see some wild check this out. This is hilarious. So my boss, I won't, I don't know that it would matter, but my boss, he comes up and I just talk shit about that kid rock,

Sheryl Crow song. And I was in it, I was working and that had come up on my playlist. And I noticed, I was like, that's fine. And he comes over, he's like,

what are you listening to right now? And I was like, cause you want to lie. But I was like, be yourself, practice what you preach. Don't be, I was like,

kid rock and Sheryl Crow. And he's like, all right. It was so, I was, I had my head down for like a half hour. I would have lied. I would have lied for sure.

What are you listening to? I don't want to yap that fool. And then I'd kidnap him at work straight in front of everybody. It's funny you should ask that. Do you know what yap means? Like if I were to yap a fool? I'm just going to end up by by MOP but what does yap mean? yeah dude

how I could just kill a man Cypress Hill it just gets me like where you just you wanna start like jumping around you're like alright who is it?

who's it gonna be? who's coming? and then it's nobody it's I Fight Taco Bell it's a good song how many when was the last time you got in a fight?

oh 709 was like the buckest month of my life we got in like five fights. It was the month before I moved to Portland. July of 2009? Month before I moved to Portland. And we just had every night.

I saw the sun come up like every night. It was so buck. But we'd go out and just get. It wasn't even me. It was all my friend. My friend is a loose cannon. He would start fights. But like this, one of these dudes.

So he walked up and just started talking shit to a group of people and this guy came up and punched me in the back of the head and then he tried to like grind my face into the parking lot oh and i'm just like dude this is what are we did like are we mortal blood enemies yeah i mean he was watching a lot of movies yeah and then the bouncer came and threw him off and i was looking i was like what is wrong with you dude you're gonna grind my face into the parking lot it's just it's not that's like over my friend talking shit to his friend not leaving a bar just like was he just like that's why i fucked your bitch he's like i'm skinny dude and then he came at him no it's just yeah there were there were a few of those david was last time you got oh you got in a

fight recently are my conflating stories no i don't think you got in a fight? Recently? Am I conflating stories? No, I don't think I got in a fight too recently. No, never mind. I just remember you telling a story about an old fight. When was the last time you got in a fight? Oh, I... Somebody threw a table at somebody at a bar called Dirty Tricks a few years ago. That makes sense.

That I was around. What was playing on the jukebox? Was there a song playing? Oh, it was like last call. I don't think anything was a song playing oh it was like it was like last call i don't think anything was playing sure closing it was like last call yeah dudes don't want to leave yeah and then you're like well you if you you have to leave so that i can stay after and drink free beers yeah when they say leave it's you and i'm gonna hear i'm gonna be here and chill and then there was like a tussle and then the best part though was there was a t was a tussle. And he was like, I'm going to wait outside for you.

And the bartender was like, all right. And then I just stayed in there and got drunk for like two more hours, which is pretty cool. So that was probably like 15, 14, 2014. Where in May? Mikey? Two days ago. Mike's in a fight right now. Mike's getting all flushed.

This is probably the longest drought I've had in a while It's been a year and a half That is not that long to go without not getting in a fight Actually, you gave me a chest slap at the roost the other night And it really stung, so I'd call that a fight Yeah, the last time was in front of the Little Caesars No alcohol involved? Surprisingly enough, that was the last three times.

No, I was on my way to Good Heroin, and I went to go get a hot and ready. Again, they're out of pepperoni. I got to beat your ass again? No, I witnessed a man lay hands on a woman. Oh. I squared up on him and gave him a couple little punches to the face.

You gave him a couple of hot and readies yourself? Yeah, I gave him a couple of hot and readies. I got a couple of hot and readies right here. This one's hot. This one's ready. Get full. Gave him a two-piece, dude. Just kidding.

They're both ready. They're both. They're pizza and pizza. Pizza, pizza, dude. That is. There it is. That's the funniest thing I've heard in forever. And you said it.

Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza, pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza yeah but I only I only got a couple shots in before he ran across like ran across

four lanes of traffic wow I know those lanes those are rough lanes god damn it that's what people do when they get beat up Mike they run away yeah

well and he this dumbass he hits a woman and I stop and I go did you just hit that woman and he goes yes and I go well now I have to kick the shit out of her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. Like, I did it very slow. I, like, took my backpack off very slowly. I go, now I have to hit you. You understand that, right? It's squared up. Mike says that, though.

Like, Mike's not waiting for some transgression to go down. Oh, of course. Oh, the chance to be fucking righteously indignant? Exactly. Oh, I live for it, baby. As soon as you can look righteous on it, Mike will beat the shit out of you.

Like, if he catches you, like, you know, just, like, littering or just, like, hurting Mama Gaia in any way, just any reason. You know what's crazy?

Mother Gaia. Mother Gaia. What's crazy is you're very, like, you don't seem like a fight dude because you're... Those are the toughest people. I don't know what the right way to phrase this is.

You're a cool, nice guy. You're a sweetheart. But the last two fight situations, one righteous, one not righteous that I've been in, where you were involved, when we had to redo that guy at that party, that Molly night. Oh, that one we were right. That Molly night. Where we had to put somebody up against the wall. That guy, so I walked up to get another beer, and that guy, you were there too, and this

dude, he walks up to me, he's like, no, you're good. And I was like, no, I just want to grab another beer. He's like, you're good, dude. And he kind of laughed and looked down at me, and I was like, whatever, dude. Well, he got his ass beat at the end of the night. He did. Not by us, even. Not by us.

I'm not 100% sure that Mike Malloy didn't do that. You think I'd run down the block to goon? I think that that was not a block that somebody got beat up down. Yeah. I think that there were not people looking to goon anywhere in the vicinity. Trust me. If I was going to goon. That was in AstroTurf lawn. There might have been goons about.

I was ready to goon then, and we handled it without having to goon. We handled it without gooning. Yeah, yeah. Mobbed up on him. I wish I would have stayed. Much like we handled it without gooning, and we've told the story before, but at the roost that night when Mike kept me from fighting a guy because they just put a bunch of funny music on the jukebox.

Yeah. Listen, though, if I'm trying to drink for real, we're not going funny, man. No. No. Don't do that to me. By the way, never go funny in public i'm trying to drink like don't do that and don't yeah don't hijack the fucking the jukebox with your silly shit yeah yeah 100 that's funny that's so funny uh david it's time for your fourth and

then your final pick oh el fin dude this is hard It's so hard because it's like, all right, you know what I'm going to do? A little scrappy, no problem. Oh. That song. Just that whole ding, ding. And then, you can get buck in the club. Roll with the hood, throw it up in the club. Hey, we don't want no problem.

Oh, man. And he says, be of me, we be 50 deep. That song's great. Ooh, that song is good. What's he say at one point? I got nuts big like baseballs. Wait, it's funny when dudes brag about having big nuts. You're like, you don't want them.

You don't want that. Don't you have huge nuts? You do? Yeah. Was this a weird time to drop that they were gonna find out we had a i'm not gonna name names we had an extremely in-depth conversation about this at a party the other night and a lot of other dudes are like me too man it's yeah oh it's a common affliction yeah sean suffers from huge ball-itis.

When I had my fucking abdomen surgery, my nuts swelled up to the size of my fucking head. Oh, God. How'd you ride a bicycle? I didn't for a few weeks. That's impossible to believe. Mike Malloy, the bike rider. You're telling me Mike Malloy the bike rider Mike Malloy

I don't think I and this might be a controversial opinion I don't think I want much bigger balls I don't have the space for it you're not built to handle that I'd cut them off if I could I don't want them down there you can

I got low T as is I'd like to keep whatever T that I got I knew a dude with no nuts one time Alan the plumber We called him no nuts Did he have them at a certain point? Alan used to have nuts He was Israeli

He cursed a lot What is this motherfucker doing? What was the situation in the middle? I'd be constantly curious I don't know what side no nuts was on Shout out to Alan the plumber Losing your nuts is really bad be constantly curious. I don't know what side No Nuts was on. Alright. Shout out to Alan the Plumber. Losing your nuts is really bad.

I'm glad somebody was brave enough to say it. Now, have you ever been nominated for any sort of award? One Emmy. One Emmy. Yeah. How'd it turn out? And did you find out on your way to... Mike, I'm not talking to you about the Emmy anymore. To or from the gym did you find out when you were nominated? Because you go every day, right? To the gym. I feel like every day you're going. On the way to the gym. Are the Emmys not done at the gym Did you find out When you were nominated Because you go every day To the gym I feel like every day

You're going On the way to the gym Are the Emmys not done At the gym I don't know I don't go every day I was going to say Yeah yeah yeah

I barely go I go like once every five years That might be true I would love to get you In the gym Dude I should It's just one of those things Where I'd

Yeah Laura would be thrilled Operation Prom Jordan We'll get you in there Oh man We're going to she's all that, Sean Jordan. Fuck yeah. We just take his glasses off.

What's fucked up is it wouldn't take long to get you like a six pack and shit. That's the thing. That would be, I have dreams where I just look down and be like, yeah. I have dreams of fucking an R&B bitch like Maya. We have two different dreams. It's just Sean in the gym fucking doing squats and getting kicked in the stomach by Zach. Did you see that video the other day? I'm so scared of that

guy. That's the guy I'm the most scared of. I'm scared of both of them. Does that count as the other guy's workout? That guy is King Kong. He doesn't have to put another workout in. Well, somebody posted, like, what you training for, bro? I'm like, what are you training for? The end of the world and all the weapons

are destroyed. He's training for all of it. I want to know who that dude who was kicking him is. What was that dude's story? Also, no one was wearing workout clothes. Those are the fucking toughest dudes in the world. That is where some guys got jeans on and his team's abs strong. His team is so strong.

I got my jeans on and my abs strong. He doesn't even need a team. It's just that guy. Yeah, I got six team members. Hey, man, what are you doing on Wednesday? I'm free. Do you want to come to the gym and kick me as hard as you can in the stomach? Like squat 280 pounds or whatever?

Here's my question, because I'm physically pretty strong. Yeah. How often do you really use that? That, like, get kicked in the chest strength. I don't know. It would give you the confidence to know that you could use it that like get kicked in the chest string i don't know it would give you the confidence to know that you could use it if you need and then i bet you use it less no i think it would give me the confidence to put myself in situations where i would have to use it all the time and then i would end up in a situation where i was just constantly after using it yeah because

i'd be in prison still trying to be tough ddt and a bunch of people yeah while other people kick you in the stomach every time you get a street fight you're like i can't fight you until we find an onlooker to kick me in the stomach while we fight by the way can i say i've never seen that work out for anybody what somebody yell hit me i've seen it like three times have you ever seen it happen yeah it's it's never worked out for the guy who yelled dude adam Dude, Adam did it. This kid, Adam. We were outside. I don't want to fuck the story up. He listens.

But it was something like we were having a party at the crib, and this kid comes outside. The kid was popping off, and Adam's like, say one more word. And the kid's like, what are you going to end? Before he could even finish it, Adam fucking dotted him. And the kid's like, and it's something like, you wouldn't do that and dot him again. The kid's like, you fucking asshole. He's like, I'll keep doing it, man.

You're like, what do you want to do about this? And then the kid just didn't do shit. The snake rattled his tail. Oh, just before he could finish a sentence. I've never seen it happen ever again like that. It was so funny. The comedic timing of those punches is impeccable. What are you going to...

You wouldn't... I saw a kid yell, hit me once, and the fight just ended up with him crying oh no but here's the funny part they didn't fight it was this kid who was like a junior or senior Spencer Holt I'm not going to say their names he says after he did it

this older kid and this younger kid the younger kid didn't want to fight him the younger kid was known to be a tough kid so he's like I guess And this other kid's way older than him. He has a spurt. The other kid comes out of the car, two lighters in each hand, right? And I think he had just gotten himself worked up in the car.

Right? Like he got himself worked up. Because the older kid, the older kid was a wuss, right? So I think he got himself worked up in the car because he got out and he just has the two lighters in each hand for fistbacks and he just rushes the younger kid and he just yells,

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Fuck it in me! Fuck it in me! Fuck it in me! And then he was so He had the lighters

to load his fist. Yeah, so his fist pack when he was so jacked up that they kind of like collided and the younger kid fell down and then the other kid was just like crying.

Because he was too juiced up. Like you remember in elementary elementary school you get in a fight and then it'd be done everybody's just crying yeah so much emotion yeah it's like because you got to fill your cup up with juice yeah but sometimes you fill it up to the rim yeah and then when you walk over a lot of it spills out you start crying yeah i remember i remember his sophomore year of high school i was supposed to fight this kid donnie viera man! You had to get in line to fight Vieira, dude. We go to Washburn Park, we're ready to fight and this kid, Will Rossi, who was like two years ahead of me, hands me

a roll of quarters and I'm just like, I'm good. I remember those kids. Dude, I had a duct tape. I'm all set with the roll of quarters. I had a duct tape roll of quarters that I used to carry on me at all times. Never used it. I'd pull it out a bunch and be like, check this out, dude. I'm ready for it.

At the fucking skating rink. Does it make that big a difference? I've never actually been lucky enough to have something like that. A 12-year-old thinks it makes a difference. It don't make a difference. Yeah, I never. We're like, dude, this is going to make my hand feel like fucking. And you're just going to break your shit.

You're going to fucking break. That's what it feels like, right? When you hit anything a bunch anyways, like, your shit is, it's all, like, your knuckles are all discombobulated, and then your hands are, like, padded. Yeah. Like, they're all puffy. Like, I don't understand how that would help. Let's land the Zeppelin.

All right. All right. All right. All right. It's the final round, David. It's your time for your final pick. Bring it in. My favorite final pick.

your final pick? My favorite final pick. This is one probably not a lot of people have heard, but this is just personally. Ghetto Boys, Hold It Down. I don't know that song. The chorus is like, holding it down, game tight, Marvin.

I don't know. It's just very violent. Oh, dude, the Ghetto Boys make every song makes me want to fight that I've ever heard. They're fantastic. They talk about fucking people up. He talks about a monkey and a lion way down in the jungle deep. There was a monkey trying to step on big old lion feet. Yeah, it's great.

It's great. It's a great song. And it just gets me there. You guys should listen to it. I will. Absolutely. I imagine the AFE fans will make a playlist. This is the playlist I'm going to be like, all right, house party playlist.

With all cool people. I'm going to listen to this playlist and just stand at the mirror shirtless, pounding my chest like Mark Wahlberg in Fear. Nicole forever. Nicole! Yeah, dude. Well, you know whose house it is. Whoever's we break into and decide to throw a party at. That's true.

But they're sleeping. Wherever we're doing home invasions. Well, they were sleeping until we tied them up. And now they're wide awake, terrified that we're having a house to throw a party at. That's true. But they're sleeping. Wherever we're doing home invasion. Yeah. Well, they were sleeping until we tied them up and now they're wide awake terrified that we're having a house party in the house. Home invasion is more persuasive. Sean, time for your final pick. I'm torn.

I want to go. It's so hard to edit. Nothing's right, you're torn? Yeah, dude. It's okay. This is how you feel. So this is a weird one, but it gets me amped up and it's hero by foo fighters that song gets me going and oh yeah it does it does but it gets me going in a in a different way like none of

these songs have been like a fight for honor kind of thing but that gets me like that is my wife you know like that kind of get like like you burst in you're like not today and then you're just like let's you know let's go 12 think again buster yeah yeah it just it that song just gets yeah it just feels like yeah i'll fuck like if you're sticking up for some drums or you know those taylor hawkins drums you just like pull the bully off and you're like now it's your turn pal he's on a merry yeah yeah it gets me going i'm so glad you picked that, because I don't know why, but in my head for a second, I thought you were going to say... I don't know why.

Mariah Carey, when you're heroizing me. No, I thought you were going to say Evanescence, that Wake Me Up song. Wake me up! I don't know why. When he said hero, I thought he was going Enrique. I was just like, God damn it, Sean. Would you dance? That Evanescence.

Man, I'd love to see the crew at an Evanescence concert. Just like, who's going and buying that Evanescence album? I think their Venn diagram is huge. I think there's way more. A lot of Uncle Marks in that crowd, for sure. I had a couple buddies, I remember, who I thought were tough guys, who were like, we were in the car in the Aurora parking lot one time. And then my buddy was like, listen to this.

Can't wake up. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? Like, kid in a throwback. Like, yeah. A lot of people love Evanescence, man. Yeah, well, I did not. But I do like. Shout out to Marcel.

I'm banking on this not getting taken. I'm not going to take it. And if you are going to take it, I'm not. But I do like- Shout out to Marcel Ferguson. I'm banking on this not getting taken. I'm not going to take it. And if you were going to take it, I'm sorry. But like that Disturbed song that- The song I do that a karaoke once. I don't know what made me think of that. There is a verse that was not on the radio version of that song that is very disturbing. Oh, well, they are disturbed.

It makes- But how do they say? It's like an act out where he's like, I think beating up his mother. Oh, my God. Is that what they're talking about? Yeah. Down with the sickness we're talking about? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a verse that didn't make the radio cut that it's very, I didn't hear until like this year. I was just like, what the just like it's like you hear the old version and then suddenly it changes yeah it's violently it changes yeah my hero poop fighters my final pick i'm going to take uh a portland band oh one of my

fucking yeah some some dudes who i know who are awesome guys who make fucking amazing metal music. And this song gets me so amped up. It's Prehistoric Dog by Red Fang. Because they're so gnarly. So gnarly. And the song is so fucking gnarly. It's just like, yeah, listen to it.

It's organized noise that gets you going, dude. Yeah. They know what time it is for sure. I've never heard the song, but every time I hear someone talk about Red Fang, it's always in weird hushed tones. That's right. You're only allowed to whisper Red Fang. Yeah, you can't yell it.

It's a powerful magic. It's a powerful magic. Yeah, dude. An old powerful magic. But yeah, Prehistoric Dog by Red. The music video is also amazing. Check that out. But yeah, the fucking song is... Yeah, powerful match. But yeah, Prehistoric Dog by Red. The music video is also amazing. Check that out. But yeah, the fucking song is...

Yeah, hell yeah. Prehistoric Dog! Okay. Mikey Malloy. All righty. With my final pick, I'm taking what is the oldest song in this draft by probably 150 years. Whoa! It was originally written in 1840.

Okay. I'm going with the 90s version by Sinead O'Connor, Foggy Dew. I don't know. I had no idea. That is Boston Pigs. It is. Well, it was an Irish war song.

I said what I said. Foggy Dune? Yeah. Foggy Dew. Foggy Dew? Look it up. It's great. It'll get your fucking...

Are you going to give me a taste? You'll get Jack. No, Sean. We're going through this whole podcast without you giving us a taste. Download the Spotify app, and you'll find it. I'm glad you played that song,

because I was thinking of an old weird... I was thinking of that song... No, I'm sorry. We'll talk about that when we talk about... When you said oldest song, I honestly thought you were about to take the 1812 Overture.

Oh, man. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- yeah foggy do foggy do there's a great one conor mcgregor used to come out to it oh i bet i know that yeah it's a it's a good jam oh yeah one for the irish exactly i had to go something that wasn't a wrap you know well that uh that about settles it to recap uh david you went first you took notorious thugs by biggie and bone thugs knuck if you buck by crime mob hoot at by j.T. Money, No Problem by Lil' Scrappy, and then Hold It Down by the Ghetto Boys. Sean, you went second.

You took Shipping Up to Boston by the Dropkick Murphys, Bang Your Head by the Gravediggers, Hit Em Up by Tupac, Kill a Man by Cypress Hill, and then Hero by Foo Fighters. These are so gnarly-studded. I went up third and took Annieie up robin hood's theory by mop ambitions as a rider by tupac dead wrong by the notorious big featuring eminem

breathe by the prodigy and then prehistoric dog by red fang they all sound so crazy mike you uh went last and you took bring the ruckus by the wu-tang clan run the jewels by run the jewels give me the loot by the biggie let's go by trick daddy and then, Gimme the Loot by Biggie, Let's Go by Trick Daddy, and then Foggy Doo, the version by Sinead O'Connor. Fuck yes, dude. We left some good ones on the board. Not a lot of Eminem. I thought there'd be like that Kim.

I had Till I Collapse on my... Have you ever listened to that Kim song by Eminem? I can't take him seriously. I can't either. I also had... You remember that song that every... They play at every football game? That we ready. Oh, yeah, yeah.

By Archie or something. Oh, yeah. We ready. Yeah, that song's good. No DMX, which was a hit. Oh, I had a lot of DMX on DMX. Bring Your Whole Crew was one that I was going to throw on there. Let me see that.

Get at me, dog. Legend Has It by Run the Jewels. Sure. Wolf Like Me by TV on the Radio. I Serve the Base by Future. That song makes me want to fucking fight. I had Mark McGuire by Future on my list. Yeah, shit, that's a good one.

What's My Name by DMX. Yeah. Oh, Still by Ghetto Boys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Bulls on Parade was one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had Killing in the Name of.

Killing in the Name of. Can't See Me by Tupac I had on my list. one that I was into. Oh, yeah. I had Killing in the Name of. Stoked. Killing in the Name of. Can't See Me by Tupac. I had him on the list. Yes, that sounds great. Send It Up by Kanye, I like. Ready for War by 50 Cent. No Church in the Wild. Oh, yeah.

That I really wanted. Cheap Beer by Fiddler. Who Needs You by the Orwells. Patiently Waiting by 50 Cent. No More Play in GA by Pastor Troy. Master Puppet. Yes. Master of Puppets by Metallica.

The Four Horsemen I had. Yeah, this was funny. Wait, is that Master of Puppets? I'm all out of sorts. This could be Metallica, For Whom the Bell Tolls would have been a dank one. Can you sing that acapella for me? What? For Whom the Bell Tolls. For Whom the Bell Tolls.

Time marches on. I can't think of any of the other lyrics. For whom the bell tolls. What about in one when the double bass pedal, like with the drums, you know? Yeah, that double bass is so bucked, dude. I was going to cradle a filth version of Sands of Time. Oh, boy.

Sands of Time for Oh, boy. Sands of Time for me. I'm running. Yeah. Listen to Cradle of Filth. Listen to Cradle of Filth. All right. You really went for it. You did go in.

It did not work, but I tried. Oh, brah. All right. We got to wrap it up because it's 845. I still have to do two ads. We're going to keep Marissa here until fucking midnight. Shout out to super producer Marissa. Shout out to everyone on Twitter, on Instagram, and the subreddit.

We love you. Everyone's dope. Shout out to everyone. Hit us up with your picks for fight songs we want to hear them favorite part of the day when it drops we'll try to make this podcast

or this playlist for you as well and fuck yeah thank you for listening and more importantly tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything

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