All Fantasy Everything - Spokespeople (w/ David Gborie & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: August 20, 2020

SHINY HAPPY SPOKESPEOPLE GETTING DRAFTED! On this AFE in the place to be, Sean, David and Ian draft spokespeople and dare I say... learn a little bit about themselves.Sponsors:Manscaped: Get 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com, and use code ALLFANTASY.Feals: Become a member and get 50% off your first order with free shipping at feals.com/allfantasy.Support the Show:Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some merch at teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything in the entire world. From birds, to songs to get a dance floor going at a wedding, and anything else the imagination can conjure. Today, we're drafting spokespeople. I don't have a good reason for it, that's just what we're doing. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and as always, joining me are Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything,

the podcast that rushed home from work to record this episode, even though the Portland Trailblazers are playing their most important game of the season, so Sean can take a break from skateboarding and go to a spa for the weekend. Well, I feel terrible i'm just completely joking i'm a joke i'm sorry i was joking this entire time i'm sorry i haven't i was fucking with you the whole time i'm not mad at all i'm so sorry the look on your face was so shook well yeah i don't want to be an asshole no so the listeners so the listeners know this was the, last weekend was supposed to be the weekend that Sean Jordan was going to get married to his queen, Laura.

He was going to tie the bucket. The bucket was getting tied. The broom was getting notched. They're notching a broom. I was going to buy the farm. Got sick of milking the cow. The farm was getting bought. He's going to start paying for the milk.

But I don't know if you guys have heard about this. I don't know if I'm breaking any news here. Wait, what, you've been calling the White House, or is it something different? I'm not, no, the White House, I mean, they may come up later, but there's a frigging scamdemic out there right now. I mean, yeah, all right, I guess. Just fuel, don't melt, steal beans.

Look into it. The plandemic started at the bottom bruv i'll tell you that right now that's right this is me having this is me having cold feet this whole thing is me just being like i don't know about all this you changed your mind so you orchestrated a pandemic is what happened yeah i was supposed to you're you're kind of doing a little celebration anyway and i think this is so beautiful well you want to tell the people yeah we're taking so we had a photographer booked uh we didn't want to hose him uh he listens what's up nate we didn't want him to get hosed and uh so we're still gonna take the pictures tomorrow oh yeah peel them off a little bit we got a wedding cake made i'm not gonna do anything

except look how i look laura's gonna look amazing we're gonna go take pictures are you really are you like gonna go out there like like in jeans and like uh i mean it's going to look amazing. We're going to go take pictures. Wait, so are you really? Are you going to go out there in jeans and a... I mean, it's up to her. I showed her what I was like. These are the options. I can wear... I was like, I can get shit. I can get nice shit.

I have some nice shit. She's picking. We're going to go to where I proposed, which is right across from Crema, by the way. Like, right across the street. Ooh, yeah. So we're going to do that. Take some photos tomorrow. And then Saturday and Sunday, we're going to a spa.

Kind of by Mount Hood. I don't really know anything about it. I love it. Can he, is it Canada? I don't know. I, I don't even know what it's called.

It's, it's called, it's called, uh, uh, no, I don't know. I'll find it.

Are you going full spot? Are you going to get like a massage and like a facial? Everything. Everything. Every single thing. Yeah yeah have you ever got a deep tissue no i've never done it i got a massage one time and uh just some dude at the bus stop i didn't even want it but he just did he said this is this is how we live in portland yeah now you do me and it was like i gotta get this bus you ended up at gresham you were even going to gresham you just no one's ever going but i yeah i ended up there there's a lot of people who end up

in gresham i got one massage one time it was dope but you know other than that never uh never had a massage we got pedicures that one time uh up in tacoma dude we got a tacoma pedicure you got a tacoma pedicure yeah uh somebody kicked you in the stomach? Yeah. Some dude named Fabian came up and gave me in a Tacoma pedicure. I say I got my friend's backs, but I didn't right then. I'll tell you. Dude, there's nothing.

When Fabian comes kicking, you know what I mean? Yo, don't ever. Don't ever. If a dude named Fabian comes around to kick me, it's cool if you don't have my back. Yeah. Because I was living wrong getting kicked by a dude named Fabian what have i been doing out here you cross fabian you know what i mean uh you could cross all the fabians they got and i'd still get your back both of you i could not cross all the fabians they got that is that's a tall tall order bro four of us together

couldn't take on all the fabians you know i'd be proud to die by your sides but like oh i my mama always told me i'd die at the hands of a fabian yeah i've known that i've known that for years your mom used to tell me that and i would keep i was like who are you because you know the oracle told that when she found out she was pregnant yeah he'll do great but he'll also die at the hands of a fabian it's a it's a monkey paw situation it's that kind of podcast it's that kind of podcast for god's sake i feel so bad i feel so bad for fucking with you i came in i i was like driving home and i was like i'm gonna fuck with sean and i came in angry i we like i came like we started the even before we started recording i was just like let's get to it let's just start it

marissa you're so bad now. Be honest. You were shook a little bit, weren't you? I mean, I knew ultimately it was a joke just to harass you. I didn't. I'd be pissed. So just so the listeners. How do you not know?

We love you. Everyone loves you. You were like one of my favorite people on earth. I didn't think you were mad at me. Seriously. You know, the situation. Just so the listeners know the level of dedication. ian did just work all day rushed home and what i guarantee was white knuckle disgusting traffic because i'd done driven in that traffic and now the blazers are playing

i imagine they'll still catch the end of the game i plan on putting the pedal to the metal but i wore the jersey i love that i i'll catch whatever the game i can catch i got the scoreboard up here we gotta fuck we gotta do an afv baby can i show what i'm wearing yeah i just want you guys to see i got now that you put some clothes on thanks you can't see it right i got the sierra leone soccer shorts oh i see white shorts yeah shout out to labrum london i got two pair you get uh Get a two-per. I need two-per. So what? To get to stomping in my Ceylon shorts. Say what?

To get to stomping in my Ceylon shorts. Bori, where you getting them colors? Are you dying them? Tan is my size in them. I feel like I've told this story before, but I have this friend, Matt Gerhart. I think it was Matt, who burnt a whole CD of just that song. Cause he liked it so much.

I love that. I think we should have more. I did that with, uh, Chingy with, um, not with Chingy with, uh,

Jake one, uh, tipsy. I did that. I put it five times on a CD to listen to a Kirschman's house. We were at Kirschman. Kirschman used to have this like little, like four foot by-foot pool table,

and we'd have parties. Pool tournaments are based around this pool table, and we'd just play Jaquan the whole night. Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp. Yeah, he talks about how he's 16 in that song. Yeah. I got a fake Adido. He talks like Cookie Monster.

Yeah. Everybody in the club getting kooky i'm on board for that entire album if i knew even one other jayquan song i think jayquan left did you do the deep dive on jayquan after that or was this just purely a skim on the surface did you get any other tracks i don't know how deep the internet was yet like i went out i didn't youtube or anything i don't i don't remember ever listening to any other jayquan track marissa do you know who jayquan is no yeah this is for sure he had another hit song with lil bow wow called fresh as i am i is well yeah i was gonna say it was a good song you don't remember that song no you're a big big ripping you ain't steady tip tipping no girl getting homie fresh as i'm is you don't know

if there's nothing uh against like against the law with doing it can we put in a little clip of that it'd be fucking awesome oh i don't want jay you don't want the jayquan dogs on your back because he needs the money too yeah man we'll the money too also what's that once that comes out it doesn't go back in until it tastes blood you don't want to open that up no yeah yeah you can't hold on i have to get my uh i forgot to plug my computer in a lot of people have compared jayquan to a katana sword and that he's a master there you go sword and that he's a master there you go that was exactly what everyone was looking for yeah that's what they wanted to i you know he also used to sleep in his car for a little bit he was homeless for a little bit like before tipsy before he was 16 that's so yeah think about just he had a he had a tough life jay kwan there's a good i mean if we're doing this

if we're doing this yeah we're gonna talk about loose change zeitgeist no there's a youtube there's a pandemic is a new one look him up on youtube there's a whole youtube about like his rise and fall in music youtube yeah youtube there's a youtube jay kwan uh different jay kwan YouTube Jaquan. Different Jaquan. Different Jaquan. This game is actually- Jaquan Steen. Also some hits, though. Also some hits. Oh, man. He's the king of Hasidic Zydeco.

Yeah. I believe it was Jed Quan Steen. Jed Quan Steen, yeah. Jed Quan Steen for sure. I went to Shul with a different Jed Quan Steen, but also a talented musician. Yeah. Jaquan's a dentist now. Is he really? No, it's just

the Jewish thing I was thinking of. Is that a Jewish thing? I don't know. I thought it was. Isn't that a Jewish thing? Dentists and lawyers? Am I being racist? I would say doctors and lawyers. I wouldn't paint us into that dentist corner. Get ready for the dentist crowd coming after you, dude. They're doctors. And you just said they weren't.

Big dentists. They're doctors. you just said they weren't so Big denta They're doctors they're doctors they're absolutely doctors Mouth doctors Especially that drilled podcast guy Who wants to give me free dental work In exchange for doing his podcast You're especially a doctor Wait that is a thing

There's a dude in Portland He did it for Shane didn't he He will give you free dental work If you do his podcast Sean did you not do it for some reason I thought you did it for shane didn't he oh man he will give you free dental work if you do his podcast sean did you not do it for some reason i thought you did it no i went to an armenian gal in the heart of glendale who told me she i got in there and she's like uh she goes all these men come in here with their tattoos and they cry like babies she's like yeah that as i was like the hard gal yeah she was because i was like can i get more and she's

she looked at me like like i just pooped everywhere like this disgust on her face i was like i'm sorry it hurts and she's like whatever i feel like that was the look that you had when ian did the intro yeah i was scared all of us like we all pooped every second i was seconds away from being like obviously we i don't want to ruin your whole night so let's just do this i feel so bad about that because you were feeling bad about that already and the reason we have to do it now is because i have such a crazy schedule it's not because you need to do a nice thing what i mean it's a first of all it's a wonderful thing you're doing and like what you do you do something like this i mean not even something like this it's like

you're unavailable for what like yeah one day every three months you know what i mean because i don't do shit uh so you know also i think i'm doing that 40 mile hike next week my heart every day so you hear that i think i'm doing that 40 mile hike next week what man i think i'm gonna do it adam's coming here and he you know Why didn't you schedule that for after or for the hike for the spa for after the hike? That would have been. Then you need the massages. I don't know, but. You need a barrage of massage.

You know what I'm talking about? Massage barrage. A quad massage barrage. Quad massage barrage. Shout out to our main man for being on camera. Good on you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was good it was good man get over here but stay six feet away good on you no man i'm dropping dimes on him that was such a dang joke it was one of those ones that like sneaks up and just punches you in the ear and you're like oh man my ear hurts what'd you do it's time i kind of like it yeah yeah slap me around

a little bit sometimes it's like oh you want me to be alert okay yeah okay okay okay present i am yeah oh i feel it what are you gonna do with it though but i got my dander up yeah one of these one of those dinosaurs that nobody can see but they can one of those guys from dress for the listeners at home it's exactly what you think it is is the one who built newman yeah it's the one who built newman yeah it's the one who worked newman yeah yeah the one who worked newman i'm saying merked a lot more in casual conversation lately i like that i like that for the second half of 2020 i'm trying it out i got a curl sponge i'm saying mark stuff is crazy over here what's a curl sponge uh oh they saw me get it

i got it's this that's why my hair's all textured on your hair looks great curl sponge baby i like that it does look good we're doing all kinds of stuff every anything could happen sean's wearing jerseys i wore a jersey on the late late show last night that's what i'm screaming man yeah dude bring jerseys back jay-z kind of ruined it never left not ruined it but he made it seem not cool for a little bit. Remember? He did. He was like, that's a childish thing to do.

Like, so what? Yeah. I don't wear jerseys. I'm 30 plus. Yeah. I do. Good for you, man. There's a lot of stuff that you do that I don't, Jay-Z.

Yeah. Is that where we want to start? Is that really where we want to start? All right. I don't have any Basquiat's in my house either, my friend. I also never kissed Beyonce on the mouth. Never. Cheeks.

Cheeks, yeah. Yeah. Both of them. And I kissed her hand one time outside of New Mexico in Wyoming. She's kissed me on the mouth, but that's what woke me up. You never kissed. You were involved. You didn't kiss back, and it was a big thing.

No. Out of respect for Jay. Hard lips. I gave her hard lips. Purst. I owe money on my taxes lips uh oh boy what are we doing here again oh yeah we're fantasy drafting uh sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on instagram sean sean uh sean's i'm trying to combine relaxation and Sean oh I was trying to combine Sean and Maranzio Vance

oh my Sean's you know Vance's Comedy Central presents I don't know who that is what happened to Maranzio Vance he's I have no idea you never met Maranzio Vance's still a stand-up. He's still all right. Good for him. You never met Maronzio? He's a stand-up. Maronzio? Maronzio. You keep saying it. It's not going to change it. Sounds dope every time, though. Maronzio.

Maronzio. It sounds like another phrase that my dad grew up with. Yeah. What was it? A monzel. Have we not talked about this on here? A monzel. Did we not talk about it?

No. Oh, my God. So when sean was here sean david and i were hanging out safely safely and uh safely with 30 white claws at my feet 30 white claws enough to honestly to disinfect anything if we're being honest clean boys clean boys we've all been tested since then so thank you for your concern we were all hanging out and for some reason i don't even remember what brought it up but i remembered that my dad when i was a kid brought up when you smacked someone so hard and

it left a handprint it was called a monzel and i brought that up amongst company as though that were a thing like yeah you know you said something like you gave him Monzel and we're like, what? Yeah. And then you called Ivan. The best part was when you put him on speak and you're like, dad, you remember, where did Monzel come from? And he goes, well, I don't know where it came from. You just knew you didn't want one. That was the fucking most hilarious thing. So we we like got into it i googled it he

googled it we could not for the life of us figure out where the term monzel comes from but i have to assume there was either some dude in coney island named monzel who was slapping people yeah it had to be it was like it was old maranzio monzel maranzio monzel dude half sicilian half sicilian just slapping people on the stomach. Half Sicilian, the other half, big Sicilian. Big Sicilian. Half Sicilian worth a million. You know what I'm talking about?

He was so intrigued by that conversation that we talked about it again two weeks later, think yep he brought it up yeah i still haven't figured out that monzel thing there's any i know there's east coasters so if any of you in new york who are from new york or i don't know philadelphia seems like a place that might have monzels well maybe it's something from down under down under did I tell you I heard a person from New Zealand say knick knacks the other day oh boy what did that sound like knock me out knick knicks

knick knicks knick knick pity wick knick knick pity wick it was great it was great it made my day man I tweeted this joke and I am going to start going through a lot made my day. Man, I tweeted, uh, I tweeted this joke and like, I'm,

I am going to start going through a lot of my tweets on this podcast. Uh, do it. It's a new one hour long. We've been trying to slim it down so we could build it back up again. The last hour, Ian reads his old tweets. We were cutting so we could bulk.

Uh, we made weight. Now it's time for the match. We, uh, protein. Yeah. It all whey protein from here on here i walked around grocery outlet the other day with two of those giant things of whey protein just to see if anybody would look at me weird i was laughing so hard just are you on the whey protein now are you on some god no i just think it's funny to like those two kit two of those things you don't need two of those things you don't need one he's on the cream and the clear oh no you're going clear you're getting buff going clear i went clear leah remini got me clear man don't even don't even

start to do it i get it what about these old tweets now oh i tweeted uh i tweet because you know new zealand up until recently had no new cases of COVID. And it's amazing. So I tweeted like... Did you mail them one? I mailed them one. I mailed them an envelope just covered in COVID. It was like free. I don't know.

I don't even know what New Zealand is like. So first of all... Kiwis. Kiwis. Free Kiwis inside. First of all, I love New Zealand. So do I. So do I.

Every Kiwi I've ever met in my life. I think it's beautiful i admire so much how they handled all this and how they handle a lot of stuff they seem cool uh but i tweeted like so all of us here like all of us here in america like we're halfway disappointed in our government's response to covid and halfway like oh fuck off new zealand you don't know because they're like you know if not really but you're like oh god no cases they're all out at fucking sports and eating at markets or whatever and uh like jermaine clement retweeted it and like totally got the joke like totally got the joke retweeted

it he was like we know we know and then like a bunch of kiwis got mad at me on twitter wait i don't know if they're actually called Kiwis got mad at me on Twitter. Wait, I don't know if they're actually called Kiwis, guys. That might not be a good term. I think I read it on a bathroom wall. I don't know where I got it. There's usually a lot of good wisdom on there. Ian Carmel was on Twitter.

Pissed us right off on Twitter. I changed the sweet if. Twitter. A bunch of them got mad at me a bunch of New Zealand New Zealander socialists got mad at me for my joke and it was just I was just like oh come on I can't you guys won

you're doing great if I say anything like that it's because South Dakota is having a motorcycle rally right now so you know eggs on my face all our love to new zealand sorry for what you had to go through with me telling that joke i'm more of a motorboat rally kind of guy that you are panama red they had those ones up in washington those like jet boats yeah you remember yeah i've seen them they're very dangerous yeah

yeah they always flip yeah it's like wild hydro Yeah, it's like hydroplanes. It's like wildly dangerous. Now, David Boyd is also here. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. The Genius Island on Twitter. Absolutely. Not going to a spa this weekend, but kind of always had a spa on his mind. I'm relaxing.

I'm maxing. I'm cooling out, shooting out cool. A couple of guys, they were up to no good you know me yeah yeah yeah yeah you invited him in oh yeah i do know you you invited the next thing you know first class yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass this is what the people of bel-air living like this might be all right you know the hidden verse i don't know it yeah of course i know the hidden verse bro all right did know it. Yeah, of course I know the hidden verse, bro. Good job. All right.

Did you ever think I didn't? I know the whole Scrubs theme song, if you want to. Do you know the whole... I can't do this all on my own. I know that I'm no Superman. Ooh. I'm no Superman. No, I am mad for real.

Then Friday Night Lights, we'd have to conjure Shane to do that one, but it's just explosions in the sky. Shane entering the shower and Shane exiting the shower music. Just the air rich with body lotion or body wash that I bought.

It was like a cloud like Zool coming out of the fridge. with body lotion or body wash that I bought. Oh, he was... It was like a cloud, like Zool coming out of the fridge. Shane's a body wash pirate from way back, dude. Of the Cleveland body washes. Oh, man. Shout out to all the body wash pirates out there holding it down. Yeah. I know it's hard, bro.

You're going to get through. Because you're never in like a good space if you're stealing your roommate's body wash nah no no no i've had times where i ran out of body wash and i like jacked some hand soap oh dude which is a wild move rough on my skin you ever had your armpits smell like vanilla no well yeah only for ice cream reasons yeah i was gonna say that i've been to a strip club so i have we keep we keep that for the bedroom i once when we were in london like the first time we went to london and i ended up like i was there for like three weeks in a row or something maybe two weeks in a row i did like we didn't have access to laundry. You would have to, like, go to a laundromat.

And I just timed it all wrong, and I was beat. I was tired. So I washed underwear with the soap they give you in the shower in my sink. And I'm like, sure, this will do it. It did not. No. And then you, like, hang it out to dry thinking you've like hacked the system. I thought I beat the whole system.

I thought I was never going to see Tide again in my life. Yeah. Yeah. You know what it is? It's a rudimentary understanding of hacking. Exactly what it is. Kind of hijab. Yeah.

That's the real problem. Yeah. They need to meet in the middle. They need to lock. My name is Ianan carmel ian carmel on twitter ian carmel on instagram ian carmel on jewish wash app which is you can people come up and wash people come pick up your laundry and do it it doesn't work you know yeah i can't say it

what do you wash your ass yeah it sounds bad if i say it i can't do that you can say it oh you're saying it different than me sean i for the comment no i know you're doing it like do you wash your ass yeah like uh no i can't is this because of the intro? Just say it. It's because he's hiding. Say it one time. Do you wash your ass? There we go. Yump toot. Old Jeff Fox with a jerk in there. Now we are gathered here today not only to wash our asses,

but also to fantasy draft spokespeople. Huh? Yeah. Yeah. It's a fun topic. I've got got some i thought of some picks on the way home full disclosure i'm gonna have to google a couple during this that's all laid all on the table i figured i was wondering yeah of course of course you are that's fine i you know me only have famous spokespeople so there we go i run the gamut. All right. I got a couple.

Nine inches. Never, never gets old. Never gets old. I love it. You know what? I'm not even going to ask it. Let's wait. Let's let the fucking draft sort it out.

No, it was a question. No, no, no, no. All right. Okay. I might know what it is. Mascots. Oh, yeah. So like, you know, some brands have like perhaps or like a cartoon mascot is that a spokesperson oh i think so i think that one is yeah 100 okay i don't have to google anything

i i i i just i just the show whoever's selling the product you know what i mean that's hot that's you just sounded like biz marquis on accident for a second but did you catch that you just like scratched a little bit that was great what do you mean you did something with your voice that i don't think you were trying to do but it sounded like a biz marquee or something i can't do it i can't be used to be able to do the fat boys beatbox oh man oh it hurts it really you can still beatbox though, beatbox When was the last time you did it? No, no, no, no, no Guys, that was Ian, that wasn't David That was not me

I will not be a white comedian beatboxing on a podcast I will beatbox for any of you privately i will not i said oh that one got me right here oh god bless you i love it i love it now the way the way we determine the order of today's draft of spokespeople, or spokes-whatever, is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the two of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh! Base. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. It's your week, dude. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. Listen. Happens to the best of us you know what i can't hear you david happens to the best anymore i'm gonna cry in the car yeah dude what car fucking loser i'm gonna go pick him up and we're gonna cry yeah that's what we do when you're not here we just drive around crying

i'm the only one without a car sometimes we end up at subway sometimes we don't marissa you got a car no i don't even know how to drive i figured i should probably learn in quarantine whoa because you are from a city with a world-class public transportation system that is true yeah you're from sioux falls i didn't know that i thought you're Canadian. Sioux Falls has a dude named Ryan on a rickshaw. And you gotta pay him in turnips. As long as I've lived, I've always known the word turnip, but I could never pick one

out of a lineup. I don't know what a turnip is. No idea what it is. I thought it was a radish. I thought so too. It's what Mario throws, isn't it? In Mario 2. Don't they rip those out of the ground? Aren't those terms?

Are those radishes? Also, I found out it was Duff McKegan, by the way. Oh, sure. They were quick to let us know that on Twitter. He's a bassist and not a drummer. And third, I don't give a flying fuck. So there's that. There's the third one.

There's the third one of those things. You have a little vinegar to go with that so i was close enough where people are like hey hey this is how you say duff's last name i'm like i knew most of it let me be you know i like this sean man the crypt sean we saw a little bit of that sea salt you know what i'm talking about i love it turn it. Turn up the heat. Why are you supposed to know how to say a fucking, like, one of the fifth most important guy in Guns N' Roses' name?

Like, come on. Also, there's a goddamn pandemic on. Fucking maniacs in the White House, chill out about last name pronunciation. Don't make me talk about the goings on and whatnot because i call it i call it a little something different than the loony bin that's right i'll tell you right i'll tell you that i'll tell you right now it's got a hard z in it you know that you know that you know that you know that about me you know what i call it don't fucking play over here i call it the mezzanine

no i i dropped out of school because of recess dude you think i play i'm not not out here playing what is that from that did you come up with that no uh i know i didn't um it's gotta be from a rap song somewhere it's great i loved it i loved it either way this is fun i might have to come in hot every time this is fun yeah I like it we were talking to we had the zoom call

with Laura's parents and I was trying to get her dad to crack up cause like it just is a great feeling and they said something I was telling them how Laura got pissed one time

we were on a trip and we saw a deer have I ever told you this? we were on a trip we were at like 6 in the morning we were at the Quinault National Forest

we got up early to go find marmots which we did find by the way it was like 6 in the morning. We're at the Quinault National Forest. We got up early to go find marmots, which we did find, by the way. It was like six in the morning. There was a deer crossing the road. And so we stopped and looked at the deer. The sun was coming up and then someone behind us honked. And then she was out of nowhere. She's like, what the fuck?

And I was like, oh, I've never heard her do that. I was just like, oh, get him. And I was like, I'll get out of the car right now. You want to get out? You want to get out of the car? What we doing and she's like no but what the and then there's a park ranger that had to get to work so they were trying to get the deer out of the road that's all that happened oh anyway told her parents that story and uh they they're like oh you've seen the dark side of laura and i was like i like every side of her dice and that was

something i made up that i don't think i've ever heard so all six numbers that's great yeah yeah like every side of her dice you know it's a long walk and you know i felt like i got you there but no i liked it i liked it i like it when you invent stuff because you're my friend yeah and it's not going to compare at all that 40 mile hike you've decided to take no adam decided for me man i don't have it when when a friend asks something of you and they want to chill, it's beyond me to say no. Hey, Sean, can I have 50 bucks? Yeah.

I just wanted to try it out. Any time for the rest of your life, if you ever need 50 bucks. I would also like the 50 bucks. Yeah. When are you... I'll take 50. All right. This is easy. Yeah easy yeah this is all you had to do was ask this whole time let's pull out 50 bucks go ride some go-karts or something 150

dude that's a day shane doesn't ask but he doesn't not let me pay for the lift every time so he might as well just be like yeah give me 50 bucks so we had a similar situation and i don't know if i've talked about this on the podcast regarding my body wash, actually. He didn't say, can I have $50, but he scrubbed $50 of body wash on him. Yeah, I better use 50 pumps out the bottle. At least 50 pumps. He's got a big body. That's what it takes, man.

I bet you he has three pumps a shower. Minimum. If you've got to wash an Oldsmobile, you're going to use a lot of turtle wax. Exactly. If you get chained up and watching Ray Donovan for 12 hours, that's a lot of dirt you got to scrub off your skin, man. He's the one person who rides for Ray Donovan. I've never heard anyone else.

Shameless? He's the only dude who's like, we've all seen a few episodes of Shameless. He's seen Shameless. He's seen everything. He knows. He has opinions on what would happen in like season eight and shit. Characters we never met. I don't think I've ever seen Shameless.

If you have any questions about it, you can talk to Shane. Yeah, I mean, I'll text him. Now, Sean, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, we'll remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? It's a great question let's say the uh portland trailblazers are are dribbling from one end to the court or one end of the court to the other and uh dame airs out one of those threes that he's been known to do

miss it just by a whisper just misses it by like an apple butter whisper misses and then nurk snags the board because that's what he does kicks it out to cj makes it and then uh the nets get the ball they do whatever the fuck clown stuff they're doing on the other end bop it around a few times kick it maybe it goes out of bounds maybe it doesn't then one try to eat it try to use it to call someone yeah i love that bit though and then and then one of one of portland's own trailblazers grabs the best give me that fucking thing and then they take it down to the end of the court. The Nets are still down there trying to start fire. They don't know what's going on.

And then one of the Nets comes down and grabs Dame's shoe. So he trips and falls and accidentally misses a layup that he easily would have made. Then Nurk just snags the board again, kicks it out to CJ. CJ comes and dunks it just because that's what they're doing. And then some of the Nets accidentally this time dribble it down to the other end. They were trying to find ice cream on the court. Well, they think something's inside of it, so they're trying to crack it open. Yeah, they're trying to get the files. They're trying to get the NBA out of

the ball. And then they're trying to look for the fouls. They don't see where all the fouls are. And the refs repeatedly tell them that you can't see a foul. You can commit a foul. And they just, that takes them a while. So then they start scratching each other's heads at one end of the court. They kind of kick around around for a while then the blazers take it back down and play what's called actual basketball and there it kind of goes that way until the nets uh leave

leave the bubble after this game because they're done kicked out yeah i mean they're already in the playoffs on the east but yeah yeah yeah chop field chop field basically what it means is you pick third in the first round you pick first on the second round uh sean well they try to eat it is what they do sean with that in mind what will the order of today's fantasy draft be there's not really a lot of options there's not uh david you're first i will be second and you'll be third hot corner i'll take it frozone is that what we're calling the first pick i don't know i'm just trying it i'm trying Ian, you'll be third. Hot corner. I'll take it. Frozone. Is that what we're calling the first pick?

I don't know. I'm just trying it. I'm trying it out for today. Did you like it? Did you like it? Okay, cool. I don't know. You better go upstairs and wash your ass, buddy.

You need a better catchphrase than that, my friend. I feel like you walked around the house to give me that when you could have tossed it across the kitchen. You know what I'm saying? I liked it still because I love you and your catchphrase i got your kitchen swinging how about that how about i steal one of yours i like that one too man i celebrate everything you do dog we love you also the things i do that i've taught you i celebrate those too absolutely like since i was shaking at the beginning of the episode that were coddling me and uh i'm not gonna say i'm like is that what you think you fucking idiot you fucking dingbat

that was an active crip you dizzy trick i don't know if that was a crazy thing bring trick back i don't think i'm gonna i don't think i'm gonna i don't i don't well no but like well i do not think i'm the guy to bring trick back. That does not fall upon any of our... If any women out there want to start calling men tricks, that would be great. Well, in the life, they do. Okay, this is weird. This is not what I want.

Yeah. All right, go. I'm first. Well, before we get to your first pick, we just got to take a short break. Okay. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius.

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I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. We're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. The only podcast in the universe are with their satellites in the air just for this just so you can download it we have them sent up uh in bolivia yeah never using bolivia's space force but just to be clear you don't you

don't have to go there you don't have to go there to bolivia we did a lot of it over skype and uh yeah yeah so yeah i don't i don't want to know bolivia what's bolivia i just don't have any foreign interests if anybody has that kind of pie filling what is bolivia it's a country i guess i don't know the cream pie i think it's a facial i think it's a face wash like a bolivian newton john nobody's ever called me that ever you're the only one who's ever said that whatever bolivia newton john and she's like i'm gonna be famous i wish that she did coke now just because that would be the funny oh yeah we had a 6 30 a.mm. call time over here, but fucking Bolivia Newton John.

That would be a very funny thing to call Coke. People call it white girl already and then call it like other white girl names. Call it Bolivia Newton John. Oh, man. Oh, my God. If I ever do Coke again, which I won't, you know, watching after the ticker, but I will call it Bolivia Newton John. If I ever see some, I'm going to be like, what are you guys doing? Some Bolivia Newton John?

And then I'm going to laugh and walk out of that bathroom. Fuck yeah. If Sean ever does, I'm going to call him Bolivia Newton Sean. Ooh, that's good too. If my kids do it, I'm going to call them my Bolivia Newton spawn. Fuck yeah. If I ever see Todd McFarlane do it, I'm going to call him the same. Todd McFarlane.

If Trump does it, I'm going to call him a bolivia newton pawn fuck yeah dude for russia jet fuel can't melt steel beams next thursday when you're listening to this the last day of trump's presidency once word gets back to him once they know once once he knows about what i'm cooking up over here me and the girls bunch in the dojo you and your lobsters that you made dude oh man oh went went to the ocean and got seawater too to steam them wow really yeah waded into the ocean and got like yeah just got some seawater dog and then steamed them in the seawater yeah good job pretty fucking cool it was an excuse to go to malibu and just go out there and it fucking cool. It was an excuse to go to Malibu and just go out there.

And it was so pretty. Like I need an excuse to go to Malibu. Are you kidding me? It was so pretty. My freaking ex-wife and her house. No, I remember the split. You had to get an apartment behind Pepperdine. That's right.

Walked onto the lacrosse team. Wasn't all bad for you, boy. No, no, no, no, no. That was a good time for you. Still go to lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer once a week. You just don't have the house. Still on the PTA. I got my life, though.

You know what I mean? Still hanging out with Clive Davis every now and again. Clive calls you. He's ripping dicks off. Yeah. I got my least out though yeah you know what i mean i'm hanging out with clive davis every now and again he's ripping dicks off yeah i got my least outie you know clive davis don't get me started david it's time for your first pick the first pick of the spokespeople fantasy draft i gotta go with dos equis the most interesting man in the world oh yeah i bet what a great campaign are you kidding me it's just a guy who does dope shit yeah i'm in i i've drank dosekis because of that guy straight up yeah that was effective you know he was like at one point the most highly compensated pitch man

really working yeah it makes sense dude it's like the guy is nice with it you remember when they tried to replace him with some like young dude yeah uh-huh fuck off all right yeah i want sometimes i need an old soul yeah you know what i mean he needed to be old don't give me like a 38 year old with a salt and pepper beard yeah what am i supposed to do with that i can't look up to that no i need a distinguished guy i want an old dude who's an old person who's lived life they can tell me what's up i don't need somebody who's my age who's like yeah you got a nice suit whatever yeah no i need an old guy who can maybe hang glide but not anymore his knees are bad but he used to i like a commercial that airs during prime time that

insinuates about an old man's sex life that's what i want i wanted to buy products from a man whose tongue kissed both beau derrick and gene simmons yeah beau derrick and beau jackson the beau connection that's the three-way gene simmons is the one with the mad long tongue right oh yeah yeah that's the world's smartest man not smartest man that's greg proops uh we shot a thing with with kiss at our show once and when they're in the makeup and it's not the makeup so much but when they're in those big platform shoes they're kind they're kind of scary because they're so big they're like because they're like they're like six eight once they put those things on they're like intimidated yeah that's wild yeah god man i can see being freaked out of that imagine getting

you the shit beat out of you by a six eight dude with a star white painted on his face god oof i do that's how i fall asleep every night where's the where's the bummer it's the only way i can truly relax that's the only way i can finish uh so yeah the world the world's most interesting he really did make me want to drink those eccies though yeah i yeah a few times i didn't i didn't stick with it i'm more of a takate man myself but yeah yeah this is great everything you want to squeeze a lime in that shit yeah that's a lime in that shit a lime in that shit but that's my first pick dos Dos Equis, excellent first pick. Sean?

When I think about an ad, this is my favorite, probably all-time ad campaign, are the Budweiser guys. Oh, Budweiser. The What's Up guys? And I hope it's not. Marissa, do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, because we've spoken about this commercial on the draft

before, yeah. If you don't know... Wait, what I'm talking about? Yeah, because we've spoken about this commercial on the draft before, yeah. If you don't know... Wait, can I not pick it? I'm just... Wasn't it like 20 dudes? It was like four dudes. That's not really a spokesman. That's just like four actors in a commercial.

Wasn't one of them Cedric the Entertainer? They had an ad campaign. But that doesn't make a... A spokesman, I feel like, is like a figurehead entertainer ad campaign but that doesn't make a spokesman i feel like is the figure is like a figurehead of an ad campaign not necessarily just someone who's in a commercial because then that's just oh that wouldn't basically we're taking commercials to be multiple commercials right and i think they have to be appealing to you to use the product

they never were like i do i don't know so listen i don't care either way you can be i didn't think about it until just now when david said the dosekis guy uh i had a different first pick in mind but i thought of that and figured i'd give it a shot if i can't do it that's fine i can do my i don't want you to be a friggin i'm not sure that's different than being shook i hate to be a friggin prick here i mean clive davis sounds like he's over there ripping your dick off sean i'm not trying there ripping your dick off, Sean. I'm not trying to rip your dick off. Don't bring up Clive anymore.

Don't do it. Trying to have a pleasant evening here. First one, then, I'm going to pick Macho Man with Slim Jim. Yeah, there's a pitch where you're fucking absolutely. Yeah, that was great. It worked on Zach more than anyone I've ever seen in the world. That dude, he does eat Slim Jims. He gets most of his water from Slim Jims.

Yeah, I don't know. Those ads just rule. And Macho Man is perfect for his Slim Jim. Perfect for that ad campaign. And he did make me want to snap into his Slim Jim. That's really the only reason I've ever bought him. Otherwise, I'd always get actual jerky. Yeah, teriyaki sticks. And then when those started coming out, I'm like i'm like you know i'm gonna try a slim jim we'll see what this is

all about and he's not wrong i got to the point where i fucking i was like they they barely feel like food i hate how juicy they are they're so juicy i hate how juicy they are and you can tell like that meat like when you eat jerky or even like a pepperoni stick, you're like, yes, this outside came from the same animal as this inside. This all makes sense together. They're different textures, but this all makes sense together. When you eat a Slim Jim, you can honestly squeeze all the stuffing out of it, and then you just have a sheath. Absolutely.

Oh, yeah. I used to have a joke about it. You know what you can do? The beef sheath. You squeeze all the stuffing out, put them in ravioli. Yeah. See? I didn't mean to go full Julia Child on you.

Ian said he would squeeze the beef out so it was a beef sheath, and then you'd fill it up with M&Ms. Yeah, that's right. You shoot them out of people. That was one of my early stand-up jokes just like a beef sheath but yeah Macho Man with Slim Jims man I think it was a match made in heaven

just like tortillas and cold Alfredo sauce just you don't really get better oh boy we were doing so good we were doing so good people I have never have I seen such reactions i haven't either it's hilarious never in the history of our podcast some people had your back in a big way

and some people were so disgusted i feel like they either started or stopped going to church what was the last time you went to church? Church? Oh, I'm not sure. Or like a house of worship, including... A house of worship, not church. Oh, for synagogue, two years ago? Two years ago? Yeah, I go during the high holidays sometimes, just out of tradition.

Tradition. Tradition. But a church, I might have been 10. I went to church last Christmas. How was it? Were you scared? Did not... Yeah, I was scared I was going to 10. I went to church last Christmas. How was it? Were you scared? Yeah, I was scared I was going to light on fire when I walked through. If you're scared, go to church.

Big man's looking out. Anyway, yeah, Slim Jims. That's right. Just so the listeners know, as many Slim Jims as you think he eats, three to four times that many. He doesn't look at Marissa's face. That's too many Slim Jims.

Marissa's just like, oh. Listen, I straight up love them, but I hate them. I hate them, but I love, but I, yeah, I'll eat it. But they're fucking. I always crack into one and it's never what I wanted it to be. And it makes my throat like burn kind of yeah yeah it's immediate heartburn and i get the big ones because the little ones don't really do it like yeah it's like i'm eating sixlets or something like what's the point so i get the big

the thick ones that are like fire hoses and then i'm like yeah it feels like a meal feels like a real dinner you know these are those super tiny ones at the head gum studios that was the last time i had a house those yeah We used to house those, yeah. Slim Jim minis, remember? Roll in hungover on a Sunday, like, what do you guys have for lunch? We're just like, we have these tiny little Slim Jims. We're just like hyenas attacking Mufasa. Cool, let me drink 32 ounces of iced coffee with no ice in it.

And I'll eat 16 of these Slim Jims and then a very small packet of crackers. And then I'm going to go breathe recycled air for the next six hours. And then we'll go to Red Robin. That's the day. That was the day. Oh, man. I do miss fucking up a Red Robin with you guys. Oh, my God. All the sauces.

That's coming back. Bring them around. That's not going anywhere. All right. Me too mean, mean, dece around. That's not going anywhere. All right. Me too mean mean deceivage. Time for my first pick. With my first pick, I got to do it for the dearly departed. I got to hold it down for my man, Wilford Brimley, Mr. Diabetes himself.

Yeah. A dearly departed spokesman. Not just for the sugar, but for Qu for the sugar quaker quaker oats as well that's right yeah also for quaker oats sugar and quaker oats just put it on spin on wolver brimley had diabetes himself so the man used the product you can absolutely you can absolutely believe everything he says i'm not only a client i'm the player president that's exactly right so he was out there riding and for diabetes and i mean that literally because he was often on a horse in those commercials. He was.

Yeah. Oh, man. Good guy. I'm Wilford Brimley, and this is my horse, Brimley Wilford. Watching the gymnastics for that was great. I had to blink. Brimley Wilford. Wilford Wimley? just imagine whatever teacher he had in

a log cabin brimley comma wilford he said here madam full stash and seven years old have you when was the last time you guys watched the firm oh i don't even i watched it i just talked to you about didn't i i watched it for the first time first time ever like two just before i came to la so two weeks ago three weeks ago i haven't seen that movie in years wilford rimley is a madman in that shit everything's a god damn it well god damn it i guess we'll get to fucking nashville then huh god damn it god damn it he's like a fixer for this law firm and like he's he's kind of in shape for wilford brimley too i wasn't ready for that oh yeah he's fat he's fat in shape he's like but like not even that fat like ice cube so he he's like what fat like the way people were fat in the 70s oh that hot fat hot and then if anything barrel chested but then like a little

fatter than barrel chested but then also in shape on top of that it is a belly combination as a drum yeah tight as it was if you hit it yes yeah like if you walked up and pinched his stomach you'd be your hand your fingers would be sliding together yeah but yeah still there's a lot there the brooklynettes would try to crack it open and feast on the innards it's like that kind of thing who are the blazers doing yeah they're up by six you know it's halftime for god's sake yeah wilford brimley uh multiple spokesman and then uh god damn time for my second pick already as it usually happens after my first one

as it is a serpentine draft you know how cute i always thought you were uh it's hard to sing that song and buy time for yourself all right fuck it i'm gonna take tony the tiger dude i gotta take my man that's good i was gonna take tony the tiger after i found out yeah that's fantastic man he's great he's i mean i see you did that all right all right a couple things a couple things going for him he's wearing a bandana I see you did that. All right. All right. All right. A couple things going for him.

He's wearing a bandana. He's a tiger. He doesn't need to do that for us. Nobody's going to comment on his nudity, but he's still splashing it up with a little bandana for us. I love a bandana on an animal. I love a bandanimal. He's a bandanimal manimal.

Many of the cartoon spokesmen for a certain product, cereal, as Tony the Tiger is, Frosted Flakes, are often vexed by children or in some sort of competitive relationship with children. 100% total toxic. Like only one of them can have the cereal or the other can't or somebody's not supposed to have cereal.

Cereal's being stolen. There's some sort of acrimonious relationship is the kindest way to describe it some type of a hate crime like yeah this hate crime's happening left and right yeah i mean i i don't know why you're trying to steal from that irish immigrant he came here for a better life who tony mctiger no the the other guy sorry i don't want to say that tony mctiger tiny mctiger tony mctiger tony the tiger unproblematic just just just you know just pitching a cereal getting it out there why don't you want to talk about barrel chested that guy get that guy oh that guy uses those calories in the gym yo he's a tiger but he's got the heart of the lion you know what i mean that's exactly's a tiger, but he's got the heart of a lion.

You know what I mean? That's exactly what's happening with him. He's going to live forever. And they're great. You know, they are. I'll fuck him a bowl of frosted flakes. He was just a jock at the end of the day. He was a jock.

He just did sports and then he would be like, also, it's the Olympics. You know what I mean? He was a jock, though, but from, like, a mountain town outside of Denver. He was one of those guys. Oh, yeah. Like, big boots, the band does all around the neck. Shout out to Conifer. We beat you in football every year, but you guys had heart.

Sure, sure, sure. Like, he lives in Golden or something. Yeah. He's like, and he's not a schmuck. He just was born athletic. What do you want him to do? He's a tiger. Yeah, he's still a good man.

You know what I mean? He's not going to throw on a singlet and wrestle? Yeah, he is. Yeah, come on. That's how he was raised. So Tony the Tiger, that's my second pick. Nice. Marissa, you look like you want to say something.

Do you have some Tony the Tiger opinions? Yeah, well, in 2016, I remember he had to tweet out asking furries to stop sending him porn, basically, because Tony the Tiger is very popular in the furry community. Oh, is he? Because of the barrel chest? He had to like tweet out to keep it a family friendly in on, in his Twitter replies, which is very,

very funny. Oh my God. Imagine shooting your shot at Tony the Tiger on Twitter. Wow. Tony long time. First time. Tony, long time, first time. He's sliding into those DMs.

Some poor social media manager in General Mills, Michigan. It's just like... It's just some kid who went to Emerson. He doesn't know what to do with that. Oh my God, this person painted their genitals with tiger stripes. What am I supposed to do? Oh my God. I'm doing this for school credit that's an amazing fact i get it though man he's a hunk dick thick thick double c's so billford rimley and tony the tiger sean time for your second pick

uh george foreman for the foreman grill oh yeah yeah that i've have just been using one a ton because i didn't know we had one i mean i kind of knew but i i guess i just always forgot about it and now that i'm like oh shit so i've been using a foreman grill every house has one whether you know it or not yeah there is there is every house also in a pinch just use the waffle iron yeah i did the waffle iron why would i bring my gun into the equation i'm just saying if you don't have a if you don't have a foreman use a waffle iron i don't have a waffle iron david i barely found out we had a foreman come on so he don't get two plates really hot and squeeze them together you know whatever it takes or get

some white paper and iron get your grilled cheese going is there you ever seen you ever seen someone doing knife hits by the way that just reminded me when you said what are you talking to yeah the first time i saw that i've seen someone yeah i also went to seventh grade i could look down at my mouth i remember the first time i saw someone do a knife hit and i was just like they're doing they're doing real drugs at this party it's I was like, no, it's weed. And I was like, that is weed? How is that weed? I don't love knife hits. For those who don't know, a knife hit is where you get a ball of resin, which, I don't know, is resin still?

We used to do it with hash because this dude named Canada sold it to us. Whoa. Oh, Marissa, you know that guy? No, that's cool, though. No? Yeah, do you know a guy named Canada who was at the Parker Hilltop Apartments? Who was like 30 selling my 18 year old dumbass hash

all the time. Even if we don't know that dude we know that dude. Yeah you know him. You heat up butter knives on a stove and then put a ball of hash or resin in the middle, press it with the butter knives and then smoke it with a hollowed out pen and it looks like people are doing real drugs even though it's only weed. Anyway.

If I'm ever doing a knife hit again, you call my family. It's fucked up. I fucked up so bad. The only hit that's going to be happening is me hitting those knives, all right? Just say no, bud. There's going to be two hits. The goop hitting the knife and me hitting the goop. And then us hitting a church again.

Can you call Hash goop? It's so goopy. You can call Hash whatever you want. You can call Goop. Basically, that's what a foreman grill does to a burger is it knife hits the burger for me so then i get to eat it that is that is not the way to describe that full circle david they call that bringing a full circle bring it all the way around oh laura you want me to knife hit that that beef patty for you i just put it oh you want

some burgers i'll just throw them on the knife. It'll take five minutes. Totally. I got you. That boxer calls it a foreman, but I never made it to the championship. So I call it a knife hitter. Oh, my God. Yeah. That guy still rides for him.

And that has done well for him. So I've heard. So, yeah, the foreman, George Foreman of the Foreman Grills. Oh, the Foreman Grills. Yeah. All those kids are named George. What a thing. Yeah, they yeah they are some variation you have a girl named georgina right i think there's like multiple george i think there's like a georgette i think there's multiple girl georges my middle name is george i'd love to have a frank conversation with my parents about that right

after this you better watch your back dude you're gonna monzel how exactly does the hardest hitter in heavyweight boxing history factor in our family tree that's what i want to know you would be surprised i would be delighted ian george foreman carmel i don't know how the math works and i certainly don't know how the math works, and I certainly don't know how the science works, but I'm 33% George Warman. And that, oh, man, that's hilarious. David, time for your second and third picks as is. I mean, I'm going, I feel like I'm taking a lot of heavy hitters this one.

Second pick, I'm taking the taco bell dog oh damn oh carlos ellis rocky is that carlos ellis rocky yeah yeah that's the voice 90911 fame really yeah man you know what really great comedians do voiceover work for campaigns i don't know that's just uh it's just it goes back to the days of pendulet being the voice of comedy central it's a proud lineage who was it who was it was it pendulet in the it was i think it was pen and then it was kyle and then it was me wow so before pen did they not have a voice i think pen started doing it when they started i'm not 100 sure though i've never thought about that there's nobody gave me a lesson they just gave me a check you know I'm talking about say that get that tattooed on yourself my friend I didn't

show up for history class I showed up to get some ass yeah dude and by ass I mean money we call money work that well on the ass now in our in our little corner at Starbucks how much ass is it for a grande iced coffee i just walk in a chick-fil-a you're like i'm gonna spend a whole lot of ass in here when you heard cash ass or gas nobody writes for free you were like that's redundant that doesn't make any sense to me yeah what are you talking about cash and so so two kinds of money money twice i don't know what you mean. How much ass is it gonna... How much ass for this haircut? Before I sit in the chair, how much ass for this haircut?

Like, such a good long con to have a kid and not teach the kid. Like, tell that kid that ass means money until they're 18 and, like, just... Oh, yeah. Never, never let that... Never, like, tell everyone you know to tell them that

and just when they're 18 just send them to college. And then it's cost me a lot of ass. I did a stand up joke about this, but I sincerely think it'd be really fun to not tell kids about giraffes. Oh, my God. And then just take them to the zoo on their 18th birthday. Exactly. And be like, look, look. Look. Look at it.

Look at God's own abomination. Oh, that's so funny. I think about that a lot when I just think about, like, explorers and shit. Like, they just came to another continent and were like, what the fuck is that? Dude, it had to be so fucking. Hold up. That dog has a pouch in its stomach. This land is cursed.

That fish is fucking gigantic! That fish is fucking gigantic and its tail's weird! What is that? Yeah, it's insane. What the fuck is that? Like, joking aside, this is a serious podcast. Really, think about that. How fucking crazy is that?

To think you're the first person that saw like a baboon or something or a giraffe, the first person that saw a giraffe and you had to tell everybody like, listen, I know you're used to cats or whatever, but there is this thing over there that is like 50,000 cats. I'd be like, listen, we know you're drunk. Yeah, there's no way that's real i'm sorry to set up a lemonade stand on david's corner here but seen a moose for the first time oh taking that in oh oh dude i would leave that country i doubt we can't go it's taken occupied

there's people here all right i saw this thing in the woods yeah man i don't think they're gonna give it up without a fight no we gotta get out of here the people are the people are easy to get rid of it's the don't tell me to bring a gun don't fucking tell me to bring a gun when you haven't seen a moose that thing will eat my fucking gun john smith you bring a fucking gun you prick yeah what the fuck are you talking about like i didn't fucking think you don't think like yeah you don't think clive davis is great great great grandfather you know i only have a musket john davis fuck you man rip my dick john davis is over here ripping my dick off ripping my fucking dick off tell me to bring a musket fuck you oh man man man

fuck that guy i'm going back i'm telling the king fuck you this thing's like four horses with swords on top of it man chill oh man oh man that taco bell dog did work though i did i did want taco bell he got it done he got a taco bell he got it i mean it's not hard to sell me taco bell dog did work though i did i did want taco bell he got it done he got a taco bell he got it i mean it's not hard to sell me taco bell but you know yeah he did it those felt very 90s too they felt very like i mean it's because it was an irish but they also felt like very stylistically like oh well you're gonna love you're gonna love my next pick oh here we go

i doubt it my next pick dork fabio from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Fuck! Oh, man. Yeah, baby. What a ridiculous. He was at a Fred Meyer here a couple years ago in Portland doing a signing for some shit. I'll tell you what it was, I'm buying shirts. He's a...

I'm not thrilled about the hair. looking dude otherwise the hair oh yeah you're really fucking inventing the wheel there with that one sean give me well people think he looks corny he's gorgeous he was a model he was a supermodel he was a male supermodel he was doing like those uh harlequin romance he was a harlequin romance cover model yeah yeah those little those porno novels yeah that they would be called like this the stable boys this the stable boys firm or whatever yeah yeah yeah a lot of like a lot of like it's a lot of stuff was manhood throbbing and whatnot yeah yeah a passionate evening in the casbah and it'd be him dressed like aladdin you got her that was the goal you got marissa the aladdin fabio reboot i'm with it i'm fully in i'm with it fully into that let's run it back uh the will smith one was great

time to put fabio in there time to time to let him shine yeah Yeah. Yeah, that was. And also when he came out with the spray commercial. Oh, so funny. I can't believe it's not butter. I can't believe it. Oh, come on. Spray. Spray. The question that was pinging around the brains of everyone in America was, is he eating it

or is he lubing up that body with it? Because he is glistening. I think that that's a baked in that you can only get from artificial oil spread. Absolutely. I think he kicked it on his pets. He wasn't lubing up the body. There was a body luber on set. Absolutely.

He didn't lube his own body. It was a body luber. Yeah, my cousin lubed up Fabio for like six years. Yeah, that's a good job. Yeah. Works for Fenty now, actually. Six figures. Yeah, works for Savage Fenty.

That's how he got his foot in the door. A lot of people surprised. A lot of people surprised. Yeah, Fabio for Savage Fenty. That's how he got his foot in the door. A lot of people surprised. A lot of people surprised. Yeah, Fabio. Fabio. I can't believe it's not Barter. I can't believe it. I can't believe it's not Barter.

Sean, time for... So far, you've picked two very violent men. Will you pick a third? Bart Simpson for Butterfinger. Oh. Yeah, absolutely. Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger Oh that's great

Really the only skateboarder I could ever I could like work in I'm happy about that Those commercials made Butterfinger sound so delicious Like you remember the way the crunch sounded Oh yeah Did you watch any of these commercials Butterfingers are so good

I haven't had a whole candy bar And I don't know when Butterfingers are so good i haven't had a whole candy bar and i don't know when butterfingers are so good i get stuck in my teeth though that's the thing about the butterfinger is like listen the crispity crunchy that's all good for a commercial but the reality of it is is it makes your teeth flat on the streets on the streets on the streets what's really happening out here out here it's just out here it kicks over your teeth it cakes them over you can play hockey on your teeth you don't connect your teeth on a butterfinger you you don't you like keep your molars a bit apart and kind of massage the butterfinger so it doesn't get up into your teeth you don't what the fuck are you talking you don't connect your teeth i don't i'm just thinking this for the first time when i'm eating

a candy bar i don't really connect my teeth like I would if I was eating like a burger or something. Cause I don't want stuff to get mashed into my teeth. So I like kind of like, you know, like you just did Molly or something. You do that with your jaw and that's kind of how I eat a Butterfinger. I don't know what you mean. I can't remember. I love you.

What is Molly? Who is is that is that your other pick what did she sell a fucking good time for a couple hours i don't even know if it is a little bad time for it's a hot time for weight it's a it's a very warm physically time it's a wet time it's a oh it's a wet time. It's a wet, wet time. Oh my god. I feel like my shorts are see-through when I'm on Molly. Everything's sweating. Maybe I peed myself.

Maybe I peed myself. It feels like I just got out of a fucking pool. But really, I'm in Silnutzer's backyard. Yeah, you are. Fucking A. Yeah, Bart Simpson for Butterfinger, man. No, Yeah, you are. Fuckin' A. Yeah, Bart Simpson for Butterfinger, man. Oh, was that too specific?

No, no, you killed. I don't know anybody with that name. Yep. Homer got with some of those, too? Yeah, Bart Simpson with Butterfinger. Yeah. Yeah, he laid some fingers on him. Yeah.

That's when he wasn't giving fuckin' Bart the biggest monzel in cartoon history. Yeah, he beat his son. Yeah, he did. Wildly choking him till his eyes popped out yeah you know not a lot of people you know it'd be funny as if they did like an exp as they as anyone ever done this like a like an expose in a cartoon like if they interviewed i know they've done like mocking like simpsons did it they did do it did they yeah yeah behind the music it's pretty early it's great i never yeah i've never seen that oh maybe i'll watch that

i'm gonna watch that. I'm going to watch that after this is over. Ooh, I'm going to watch it too. Yeah, let's all watch it. After I watch The Blazer. Possibly close this out. Time for my third pick and then my fourth pick. With my third pick, I'm going to take someone. I never actually saw these commercials until they had a second life on youtube and then

i enjoy them so much that i have to take it oh a famed actor director legend of the screen i thought i could get it damn it i'm taking orson welles yeah paul maison yeah Yeah. Paul Mason. Yeah. California. The grapes. You have to watch the extended cut of that commercial. I know we've all seen it, but for anyone out there, it's so nuts. It's hilarious. It's like 20 minutes or some shit. It's so.

And he just gets shit faced towards the end of it. He's just like dumping wine everywhere. He's so fucking hammered california read me my lines i don't read my own line doesn't he say something like that like read me my lines i don't read my own at this point it blends in with the adomian bit yeah to me yeah james adomian is such a killer it's exactly the same that's the thing he doesn't it was like a violin never in my life he like falls asleep it took beet Beethoven four years to write that symphony. Some things can't be rushed.

Good music and good wine. Paul Mason's Emerald Drive. This is the right wine. Paul Mason's wines taste so good because of such care. What Paul Mason himself said said nearly a century ago i love it dude it's perfect i mean if you guys haven't watched it you gotta go watch it now that's so funny oh it's funny it's a wine, right? What is it? Palm Mason. Palm Mason.

I've never, I don't know. I'm a 40 guy, David. You know, I'm an idea man. Yeah, rappers rap about it too. Also, I feel like you could get a 40 at Palm Mason. I don't think it was a... Oh yeah, they got Magnums. I don't know if it was Top Shelf Wine. Yeah, it's like Arbor Mist.

Now this next one, you'll have to tell me if this is okay. Because I earnestly don't know. And feel free to give me the old no can do if not. It's a voice. But it's such an iconic voice. Yeah, I have a couple. Okay, cool. So you never see the guy's face.

It's Sam Elliott for beef. Oh, God. Yeah. Of course, I completely thought voices counted what yeah david yeah that yeah is that cool all right yeah i like beef all right cool i always felt like it was i always felt like it was sam elliott directly directly selling me that beef so it was like i was never like who's this fucking yay who got behind a microphone no he was saying it to me yeah beef is what's for dinner yep beef beef wellington's beef medallions beef borghesean bolognese shanks cuts chops this is a kill

that's a kill you say how about a nice nice round chuck how about a how about a night oh shit i am i losing my sam elliott no you're just gliding your head a little bit how about a nice round chuck how about a nice round suck how about a nice round suck yes sam here's ten dollars american i'd like one in the back seat of my car please sometimes my sam elliott turns into a johnny cash and then i'm just out to sea it happens it happens it's what's for dinner and i heard as it were some beef yeah uh yeah sam elliott for beef i just i just i just think the guys hey all aces i love love him. Oh, yeah. Portland, Oregon zone. Went to David Douglas High School.

Grew up in Sacramento, but went to Portland, Oregon zone, David Douglas High School, where St. Sue Carmel also matriculated. So sick. So there it is. Sam Elliott for beef. Sean, time for your fourth pick. I'm going to go with a voice, too. I'm going to do Jon ham for mercedes i've never i didn't even know that yeah your friend john ham is that what we're talking about

here that's my god you're talking about your friend john ham or your friend ham john that's my main ham ham john my friend is ham john okay okay i knew there was a ham john yeah i got a ham john there's quite a few i saw a couple pictures of that guy they should call him ham john i also i'm also friends with ham john ill which is uh north korea's premier pork salesman oh man i thought he was a battle rapper but sick hand jobs sick ham jobs ham john mill jobs ham jobs yeah man uh he makes uh not like they needed to be sexier but he just makes him sound so sexy he's just got such an amazing voice that guy and uh you know by the way if you're standing next to him which i have a few times perfect you almost forget they made airplanes for the nazis you

know what i mean that's how sexy the guy's voice is i don't no i didn't know that oh they all did you there's no i mean bmw's mercedes they were german companies what were they gonna do not make airplanes for the nazis you know what i mean hey i didn't i didn't well that's true me and ham right there it's pretty glary i can see you though and that's my favorite part of the picture yeah i just uh i like uh i like that voice i did want to work a voice into the into the um draft today so i'm glad i understand it was it makes total it's it's it's pretty meta because he's a pitch man and madman that's what everyone knows him from and then he becomes like the voice kind of kind of madmanning you these cars yeah buying a mercedes it's it's

it's car salesman inception is it mercedes or lexus it's mercedes right i think it's mercedes you're not buying a car yeah you're not buying a car you're buying freedom you're buying adventure do you remember that episode of madman when it's like last episode of season two or something? Yeah. He does like that crazy pitch. And like I cried at Mad Men. Mad Men did not make you cry. And isn't it for like a Kodak carousel too?

Something like that. Isn't something crazy like that? Yeah. It's fucking. It's just absurd. It's for sixlets? He's selling sixlets, dude. We're bringing up one of the big sixlets podcasts now.

Big sixlets mafia. Big sixlets dude we're bringing a big sixlets podcast now big sixlets mafia big sixlets they never they never had me i never even as a kid what kids love candy and even then i was like nah these are these are bullshit middle of them all you didn't gingerly chew them between two not compressed molars yeah i don't even i didn't knife hit him no i didn't knife hit those you didn't roll them around like a like a sea otter check checking to see you i don't know i lost that one i'll admit it i'll be the first to admit i lost that one that was my fourth right yeah your fourth david tom for your fourth and a final pick my fourth pick uh so she was the spokeswoman for this thing but not for very long but she was like the main person i'm taking dr ruth for herbal essences i love how dirty that commercial is i had completely forgotten about that commercial

until just now people were really having having gazes in the shower. Yeah, they were having gazes in the shower. And then they would come to and be all fucking disoriented. Excuse me. That was the whole Herbal Essence thing for a while. Like, use this. You'll bust a nut in the shower. I watched a bunch of their commercials.

So sexual. But the Dr. Ruth one, one yeah she comes to in the shower like looking around and then Dr. Ruth's like try the puppy wash oh I love it you'd be watching friends and then the commercial just be a bunch of ladies busting lady nuts washing their hair good autumn yeah god damn it I also love Dr. Ruth watch that documentary on hulu if you have not i have not oh yeah it's called i think it's called ask dr ruth she's fantastic she's just delightful she has sex like a sex doctor like dr she had a she had a tv yeah she has a she i don't know if it's still on but she had a tv show where people would call it she really did a lot for just like

normalizing sex in America. And masturbation, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and masturbation, and just encouraging people to speak about it and talk about it and have a dialogue. Dr. Ruth's great herbal essence is Tri-Zip Body Wash. I love it. Will you give me one real good one? We'll be quiet for like a second,

and then you do it, do the Tri-Z body wash. Okay. You should Tri-Z body wash. A great Jew, Dr. Riff. One of the great Jews. Yeah. Her story's great. God, her story's great.

At one point, yeah, at one, man, you got to watch it. You just watch the movie. I'm going to watch it tonight. I know a great Jew. His name's Ian. Oh, my God. His name's Ian Carmel. Is this happening?

Oh, my God, guys. He's right there. It's happening. Yeah. He's moving soon. And I'm very happy for him. Oh, this is the last AFV that will be recorded in the Fortress of Solid Dudes. Oh, man.

Is it like for real? Like you're going this weekend and then you're out yeah on saturday crazy i mean i'll break in and record episodes every now and then actually probably so zach's gonna have parties just like the whole time you're gone he's gonna turn the whole he's gonna turn the whole house into a bong dude and then break that in the fridge somehow are you gonna are you gonna play like a song or something when you leave like vitamin c or something you gotta play a freeway song play bone crusher yes go out in the yard and say everything you wanted to say the last seven years just go out in the

yard with your shirt on and just do school ties and just play some gnarly like gnarly trap music cowards i might dude i might i might lay it all out on rockland avenue i might let him i can say that now too it's on rockland avenue 14 21 rock glen avenue glendale, California 91205 Yo, the new owners are gonna hate it They're gonna be like Why do these people bring bottles of Cuddy Sark to my house? Just decorate the place

with Cuddy Sark That's the crib I realized that we obviously could never say the address You won't be able to find your boy there anymore And all my, by the way, official change of address in the address. You won't be able to find your boy there anymore. And all my, by the way, official change of address in with the government. So don't even try to scam me. I'll scam you back.

Don't even try. Don't even try. I'll scam you back. Don't even try. That's tight. How long is Zach living there until? He's moving out this weekend, too. It's going to be, I think, pretty much empty after this. End of an era.

At least he told me is because the internet's going to be off as of Sunday. So hopefully he's out. Part of me feels like Zach doesn't even need the internet. Nah, he is the internet. Yeah, he's like lawnmower man. It's just in there somewhere. Time for your final pick, David. Final pick, I have to give it up to a San Francisco legend.

I'm talking about Diane Amos, the Pine Saw Lady. I have met her multiple times. She is fantastic. I don't remember her. I have no idea. You will if you Google Pine Sol lady. She gave my roommate a bunch of Pine Sol coupons. We performed with her at Comedy Day in San Francisco.

Oh, nice. The Pine Sol lady. Not at all. I have. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah i know they had seven colors of pine salt those are all yeah they got yeah they got like a tropical kiwi flavor and shit keep talking i have to pee desperately i'll be back flavor david it's flavor did you say what are you talking about yeah it's a flavor it's not a flavor of pine salt what are you talking about why not

you're not supposed to taste it shouldn't be a flavor it has a flavor just because you're not supposed to taste it doesn't mean it doesn't taste like anything I don't think I'm gonna go down that road I don't think it's strawberry kiwi flavor I think it's scented I think the flavor probably still tastes nothing like whatever like kiwi

some of us like to live on the porch and some of us big dogs like to run it's up to you which one you want to be. You understand what I'm saying? Who, Bun, I think it was Bun. I can't remember. Man, I'm just really blowing it on my rap lyrics today. It's okay.

It's not, but thank you. I appreciate that. I have no idea who the Pinesaw Lady is. I don't remember the ads or anything. That's insane to me. I don't, after this just youtube pine saw lady and i bet you you will text me and be like oh dude david you're so tall and handsome and you were right about the pine saw lady i'll be like yeah sean i am pretty tall and handsome and

and then we'll laugh and laugh. Yeah, all right. It'll be pretty cool, man. No big deal. All right. I honestly had no idea. You couldn't see my bare ass while I was peeing, could you? No.

That would have been hilarious. I didn't even realize until halfway I was already peeing. And I was like, oh, I didn't even close the bathroom door. I'm just peeing right now. The mic may have even picked it up very subtly. Computer's phasing. Dude, you look like a wrestler right now, Ian. You do.

Can you see yourself? You look like Undertaker. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's like a very. Are you looking at him, Marissa? Yeah. I'm going to clip this out for the Patreon.

This is a good video clip. Oh, yeah. That's a very mankind-esque. Oh, my God. Let a very mankind-esque. Oh, my God. Let's all make scary faces. Tight. That was fun. Oh, Mars had one, too.

Did you get it? Did you get it, Mars? Yeah. Did you get it, or were you laughing? Oh, wait. What is this for? I'll tell you. I don't know.

I thought you were going to take a picture. I thought you were going to take a screen. I thought you were going to take a screen. I'm going to clip out this whole video clip, I think, for the people. Oh. So Ian's been sitting there the whole time. I still like it. I still like it. I'll tell you this, Triple H.

If I see you at WrestleMania, I don't know who this character is. I don't know why that's his voice. Have you ever seen Bray Wyatt? That's what it reminds me of. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. That's what it is. It the ken can you know oh boy oh no oh friggin what were you guys talking about while i was peeing david said that this pine salt was like kiwi flavored and i said that things like that aren't flavored they're scented and he said that it probably is flavored and i i disagreed so i said it's got a taste don't it one way to find out it's like yeah you gotta pour

it in your eyes that's how you find different pine cells taste different i don't have time to explain everything to you sean well good i don't want all the knowledge so there we go she's from san francisco performed at comedy day in the park with her. She's great. Shout out. Shout out. Sian, time for your final pick. Now, tell me if I can do this. They were not official spokespeople, and this isn't even an official brand. Is this going to be like your friend Rat and Red Bull?

No. You tell me if I can do this. I'm going to pick TLC for cross colors. Can I do that? Damn it. This does not. Why? They just wore cross colors. No. I bought cross colors. Can I do that? Damn it. This does not. Why? They just wore cross colors.

No. I bought cross colors. All right, fine. Joe Camel. Oh, man. Joe Camel. Never seen him and Jay-Z in the same room. I'm just saying.

It worked. I'll tell you what. It worked. Joe Camel worked. You're taking Joe Camel, huh? Yeah, I'm taking Joe Camel. He was cool as hell. He was cool as hell.

Still is. A cartoon designed to sell cigarettes to children. All right. It worked. It worked. All that dude was shoot, pull, get laid, and smoke cigarettes. That's true, I guess. Now as an adult, I can't.

I mean, I hate smoking. It's tough because you look back and you're just like, oh, that's so bad. But as a spokesperson, he ruled. He was always wearing some kind of fly ass suits or like pull up on a motorcycle talk about camel cash which is hilarious when like that's true did you ever go on like camping trips or like go to camp and there was like the kid who had the the camel tent yeah for sure so your stepdad smokes like that many camels yeah yeah yeah that are like more people that have like their nice button-up shirt had

like a joe camel logo yeah you're like oh yeah you see a lot of those as when you would like go to court when you like got a speeding ticket as a kid and there was like a dude in his 40s behind you wearing one of those and you'd be like oh it's all tucked in but you're like it's got joe camel on the pocket yeah it's tucked in the acid wash camel like peeking out of the pocket with a lit cigarette just like uh yeah and like god honestly listen god bless that guy he put a button up on you know what i mean he's playing the game he's there yeah he's trying i was in shorts we used to um we'd get tickets skating and we'd all get kind of stoked because it mean we'd get out of school.

Because if you showed up at court, you would pretty much automatically get the ticket cut in half. Yeah. So a couple of times, like Adam and Smith and I, Tori probably, we'd bring change. So they'd be like, all right, we'll cut the ticket down to $25 and we'd pay for it. We'd just bring a bag of change and set it up by the judge. And they'd have to sit and count all the change. It was rad.

Joe Camel, all right. Yeah, Joe Camel. For my final pick, I'm going to take a slight detour from Joe Camel and take a little... Jamie Lee Curtis for Activia. Yeah. Oh, I love JLC. It could be more different from Joe Camel.

They're different people. one of them's a person is one of the things that's different they're both at the emmy party they were both there oh yeah they're both caa uh jamie lee carters uh for activia a yogurt that helps keep you shit it's a keep you shitting on the regular and essential vitamins in it it It's a yogurt-y drink-y thing for older gals. A yogurt-y drink-y thing for, oh, geez, older gals. I've never popped an Activia. I've popped some Activias. I'll get some.

I love yogurt. I eat Greek yogurt almost every day. I like yogurt, too. A lot. She was not marketing towards me, but I still appreciated it. Thus is the reach of Jamie Lee Curtis. Understandable. She's amazing. I love her.

I love Jamie Lee Curtis, too. Jamie Lee Curtis rules. Absolutely. Who's she married to? There's a fun combination there, isn't there? Was it Christopher Guest? Was that who it was? No. Yes. I think it is Christopher Guest.

I think it's Curtis Jackson. It's Curtis 50 Cent Jackson. It's a different Curtis Jackson. Jamie Lee Curtis 50 Cent Jackson. it's a different curtis jamie lee curtis 50 cent jackson it's a different curtis 50 cent jackson i meant curtis curtis the bit didn't work the bit didn't work that's it guys that's it we fucking did it oh so to recap that's the final pick to recap david you went first you took the dos equis man the taco bell dog fabio for i can't believe it's not butter dr ruth for herbal essences have a gas in your shower shampoo and then diane amos the pine saw lady yeah sean you went second you

took macho man for slim jim george foreman for the foreman grill bart simpson on behalf of butterfingers candied bar john ham for mercedes men's and then Joe Camel for Camel Cigarettes specifically to get children to smoke them and then I went last I took Wilford Brimley for Liberty settling you all sorts of diabetes related equipment Tony the Tiger for Frosted Flakes

Orson Welles Orson Welles Parmesan variety of wines and then Sam Elliott for beef. And then I took Sam Elliott for beef. And then I took Jamie Lee Curtis

for Activia's shit on the regular dairy product. We want to hear, well, I guess we left some ones on the board, didn't we? I can't believe you guys did not draft this. This would be my draft pick and it is shack oh for so many things for anything yeah for anything he's the spokesperson

for just about everything what's the newest one it's like a bengay icy hot taco bell icy hot carnival cruise lines he's on every commercial general the general insurance general man that's a that's a that's a bad crew yeah the general shack and that dude that falls him around with all the money in the gun you see those three walk into a party you fucking leave clear out oh yeah party's over they're gonna be gambling on some shit you don't want to know about nah dude some bolivian shit and not even drugs dude no man some bolivian newton john bolivian bolivian bolivian finger yeah there was so much i i love flow from progressive oh steve the little pepsi girl mr clean yeah oh mr clean mr clean that would have

been great i didn't even think of that brownie paper towel man yeah i think rames for arby's was a fun one oh what about what about uh mr big dick for allstate oh hazebird he was on my list yeah man i told you i told you i told you i met that guy did you feel it when you shook his hand it filled the room yeah was it like if i was just holding like a 90 pound weight and one and like just kind of it was like if your core temperature was 30 degrees warmer than mine yeah yeah yeah yeah mr big dick hey i'm mr big dick i do the all-state voice that's it i love it yeah i love it so uh joe isuzu do you guys remember the jo commercials? Yeah, I was thinking about picking him. I only bring him up to point out that man's real name, David Leisure. No, it's not.

Yeah, David Leisure. Whoa. That's rad. He always had that where he sort of looked like Kurt Russell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like little Kurt Russell. Yeah, like a little Kurt Russell. Sean, I know you almost took oj simpson for hurts and bill cosby for uh jello

god jennifer hudson did some work on some of those weight watchers commercials i like seeing her in there yeah i never see commercials anymore except for when i'm at hotels oh yeah jim beam those are fun oh yeah suzanne summers for fucking thai master iconic i read this about mila kunis so she was doing the jim beam ads and then they like cut her off because she sends donations to planned parenthood and mike pence's name every month and a bunch of jim beam fans found out about that and got all pissy so then they like stopped they stopped her as the spokesperson god imagine the type of dudes who ride so hard for jim beam that they call in that's like i don't like it i It looks like it just killed you. Why not? Let's stop it.

Cut the tape. Oh, man. It's dark in here. It's real dark in there. It is pitch black in there. The only light is coming from the monitor. Reflected off of your beautiful faces. We want to hear yours.

Go ahead and send them to us. That's awesome that Mila Kunis did that, by the way. That's fucking crazy, the Jim Beam thing. You're gonna write in fuck off idiots uh two you know we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit huge shout outs especially to all of our well not especially actually to everyone on our AFE Patreon. You allow us to do what we do, so thank you so, so much for your generosity, not only of

Wallet, but also of Spirit and for rocking with us like that. And welcome to all the new members who joined for the AFE livestream, something we will be doing again, absolutely. Shoutouts now, right? Is that what i do at this point yeah shout out to fucking shout out to the couch i bought dude we bought a couch

we got it at what's new furniture in portland it's right on grand and like stark whoa we ordered it from this dude in uh like eugene that so we like it's getting custom made and like supporting local so i feel good about it hell yeah and i'm thrilled yeah shout out to fucking spas dude shout out to me apologizing one last time for uh for pranking you at the top of the podcast shout out to me apologizing for us having to do this on a thursday and and not uh you know a day that you're busy once again complete oh my god the blazers are down by 10. Oh my god. Totally my fault. Not the Blazers. They're down by 7. It's not your fault

that we had to record. I have an insanely busy schedule and you were completely wide open. Freaking shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Saint, Sue Carmel. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Activia. Shout out to Superaji Beats. Shout out to Activia. Shout out to fucking... Shout out to Super

Producer Marissa. Super! The biggest shout out. On the ones and twos. On the ones and twos right there. The biggest shout out to Super Producer Marissa. Shout out to the Snappa ladies. Sorry we forgot about you earlier. Sorry. Oh, damn. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of

All Fantasy Everything. Try Zub puppy one. Nice. that was a hate gun podcast