All Fantasy Everything - Sports Bloopers (w/ Mike Mulloy, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Cue the Yakety Sax. To watch clips of all of the bloopers drafted on this episode, click here. Guest: Mike Mulloy @MikemulloyESQ IG: @fakemikemulloy Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting sports bloopers. Joining us today is comedian, writer, and enemy of the podcast, Mike Malloy. Mike hosts Faded, a stand-up comedy show every Friday here in Los Angeles that has

spawned offshoots in Denver and soon in Portland, Oregon. His upcoming tour dates can be found at MikeMalloy.com. I'm your host Ian Carmel and I'm joined as always by my friends and comedians David Borey and Sean Jordan. Let's get drafting. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that kind of threw out his back. Oh, holy do, man. His lower back a little bit. I don't know. Hammer throw? Sex party?

Hammer throw sex party, dude. Well, the good thing about back injuries is if you get them out of the way young, it'll be fine later. Yeah, they clear up. That just gets better with time. You harden your back. It's like acne. Yeah, everybody gets five of them, and if you get them out of the way early, you're good. That just gets better with time. You harden your back. It's like acne. Yeah, everybody gets five of them. And if you get them out of the way early, you're good.

It's smooth sailing. Did Gronk jump on your back again? Is that what happened? No, dude. No. No, bro. No, dude. That sucks. Dude, pinch a nerve.

My dad was always screaming about his pinched nerves. I might have pinched a nerve. I went on a bike ride, so I think it's just being 37 and like yeah and fucking enfeebled dude we get out of that we're driving from date to date on this tour and every time we get out kyle has taken like before i can talk we get out and he's like yeah you're gonna you're gonna bitch about your knees this time yeah they still hurt every time i get out yep is it a low car someone of your of, Sean, should be in a higher car. Yeah, is it like a van? Yeah, like a van or an SUV.

I'm a tall drink and it's just, I'm in the backseat. I'm a tall drink and it's, you know. How many people are back there? Do you get to spread long? Just me, but we got some suitcases, some luggage. I got my shred stick back there. Who all was on this wing of the tour? Me, one Kyle Kinane and oneanna lee uh suzanna's taking

off tomorrow though so then it's me and kyle in chicago with sean patton and i don't know if i'm making it out oh my god also when that tour becomes just the boys that van gets just the steak oh yeah he told me that he was like he goes patton's gonna join us in chic that. He was like, he goes, Patton's going to join us in Chicago. And I was like, well, I mean, dope, but yeah. Okay.

It was good knowing you, Sean. You guys are going to get Malort poisoning. Not even alcohol poisoning. Malort poisoning. It's specific and worse. What's Malort poisoning? I was going to ask Marissa if you know what Malort is.

It's a Chicago like shot. It's their what Malort is. It's a Chicago shot. It's their standard bar shot. It's not their standard bar shot. Would you call it an aperitif or a digestif, Mike? I think it's a digestif. Vomitif. Would technically be what it falls under. It's a vomitif. It's a diarrhea teeth is what it is.

They only sell it in Chicago. It's like a book everywhere. Yeah. And I wouldn't say it's their standard, though, because I've so many times I've gone to Chicago and gotten one and people are like, OK. It's also known as the Pollock's dilemma. It is. You made that up, didn't you?

No, that's multiplication. Don't do that. Pollock's dilemma. Man, that's dank. I bet if you went to the bar and ordered three shots of the polack's dilemma they'd give you three shots yeah yeah they'd know what was going on they'd be like we'll go to the back they'd give you six division flash cards the greek fisherman's curse is another name for it uh what else first shot of malort the wrigleyville slaughter the irish

butthole what was it what was everybody's like cities shot like in boston it used to be dr mcgillicuddy's until fireball came around jaeger bombs dude weirdly enough san francisco is big on for net shots for now yeah it is yeah yeah for net shots kenny our pretty our producer for faded loves for net and campari as a shot they call it a ferrari oh together oh together i don't like that i don't either i love both of those things separate but i don't know about together yeah i don't i cannot i cannot reconcile with the color versus the taste it makes me angry on a summer day campari soda and a big twist of orange mama mia i've come around on campari i used to not

like campari or aperol and then you know what helps it is grapefruit bitters you top a little throw a little in that oh does it yeah it needs that citrus because it's so bitter it needs that it needs that high note i'm guessing and ian i'm guessing that beaverton's shots were the same as sioux falls probably but like a lot of rumplements a lot of Goldschlager, and a lot of Jägerbombs. Goldschlager shots? Yeah. I was never of drinking age in Beaverton, but in Portland, it was just a whiskey and a PBR. It really was.

I learned when I got to Portland. I walked into the Shanghai Tunnel when I first weekend to Portland, and I ordered a Jägerbomb. She goes, just so you know, it's going to be be like 11 and i go how about a shot of whiskey and that's when it that's when it changed because she was like that's like a buck 50 or something yeah so yeah yeah the jacket and pbr or whatever the whiskey but a whiskey and a pbr was like the portland special yeah in my day in the fucking hipster age of portland who knows what it is now sure now it's probably a fucking now it's probably fucking an antifa sticker and a fucking homeless and total war zone bro war zone bro i'm going far right they only they only drink cruelty free

whiskey i'm going mid-center i don't know how i feel about we moved in like we got the new crib you know we got a note from one of our neighbors saying they're like the the um the houseless population is is getting closer to the park they said they found you in the note it says there was used condoms and beer bottles and i was like or some teenagers were at the park yeah yeah i was just like what are you what are you talking about they're just saying the same thing at their parties they're not using jimmy's i don't think so pretty sure it was teenagers people could be using jimmies they might be yeah i mean they should be stoked use anybody get pushed jimmies as hard as we did i didn't think do young people do that like no you mean like our generation yeah i feel like there was a condom generation yeah i don't think anybody

got pushed condoms harder than we did i'm wearing one right now you guys are wearing one right i'm always wearing a condom dude that's my secret why not yeah i mean i put mine on before we started yeah of course why wouldn't you fucking syphilis during the podcast you're on the road with kyle canane and fucking sean pat i'm wearing a male and female condom figure that out yeah i got diaphragm in my butt. I'm waiting till my pick to put on my dental dam. Have you ever seen one of those in real life? It's very strange.

I can't even imagine what it looks like. Is it like a piece of saran wrap and like two sticks? No, I don't understand. I don't know how to explain the the texture it's like like a soft rubber oh i got you i don't know what it is i i genuinely it's it's for eating it's for doing oral sex to a lady it goes over the whole area i think yeah hold on let me uh let me let me let me let me bless the uh the chat real quick well i might not click on this link i think you're i think you're gonna have to my friend i think it goes over the whole area okay like you're covering a casserole to put in the food for a uh for a romp around the romp around the americans This isn't what I thought at all. What do you do with that? That's like trying to fucking

You make love. You make love. Did you look at that? What? Yeah, but that's for like dentists, right? That's not for oral sex. Yeah, that can't be. That's not right, David. That is the same one.

Dental damn sex. That'll narrow it down. Search dental damn oral sex. They're gonna kick me out of the country. This dental damn sex that'll narrow it down search dental damn oral sex they're gonna kick me out of the country this dental damn has a quote from uh david abramovitz dmd a septicose customer service has been excellent and that's coming from david abramovitz dmd so that's good to know all right fine you guys you guys fucking asked for it no i didn't i'm not going no nobody asked for it gave it it's like a parking ticket i didn't want it but we all got one this shows you how to do it i'll choose to believe you oh i yeah i was right it's uh it's basically just a sheet of paper with like a little stick to keep it in place yeah when you go to the park to eat a picnic you don't put

a blanket down calm down i'm just saying i can't imagine outside of sex work that has ever been used i can't i got one in a goodie bag after a show one time and i just like laughed what's a baddie bag dude that's not a good of course you laugh goofy little dental dam i went to a good heroin last night i did a little set. It was good. It's not as good as Faded, of course, but it was good. Hey, listen. If you've got to go to another comedy show on a Saturday night, it's the one to go to.

Yeah. It's a Saturday. If you have to come down from the high of going to Faded, Good Heroin's a good notch down. You've had a day to let your shepherd's pie digest, and you haven't. I hit Dave up because they need chairs, apparently, in the back, and he never got back to me. down you've you've had a day to let your shepherd's pie digest and you have it i hit i hit dave up because they need chairs apparently in the back and he never got back to me i've got like 40 chairs

sitting in my sitting in my parking lot and i'm on ice i i helped to move them i know mike's got a ton of chairs on ice chairs goon shit yeah i got chairs i got 40 chairs you need what's the post-show snack situation at the snake pit? Oh, they got food again now. Dog. Dog. The chicken tendy basket is. Their food is. I mean, Mike eats wild food.

I'm going to say they're patty melt. Oh, I love a patty melt. Yeah, I was going to say, you better not call it a goddamn grilled cheese with a burger in it or some shit. You know how I feel about the melt first grilled cheese well when you order it you do have to order a grilled cheese and put yeah but you say patty melt and they know what you're talking about okay well this is this is old shit david david you're on some alternative sandwich shit these days tuna melts patty melts yeah i'm going wild you know what i mean let's just uh let's explore the space hot sandwich winter dude i like yeah having a lot of soups lately oh i love the soups

i love after we did that draft man i'm fiending for a thanksgiving sandwich already oh yeah yeah fast forward to the fucking thanksgiving sandwich by the way if you're listening to this happy thanksgiving yeah Oh yeah, this will be Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm about to be in Jolly Old. Oh yeah, you're going to Jolly Old, dude. Yeah, the day after Thanksgiving. Fuck. I still gotta send you

some recommendations. Yes, please. Jolly Old. I recommend you steer clear of the fucking Tories, dude. That's what I recommend. Hey, I'm a wig guy from way back. I'm gonna go to Jolly back uh i'm gonna go to jolly old i'm gonna go to gay perry and then i'm gonna hop into rami is that rome yeah i've never been to rome me either i've listened to sublime with rome it's a similar experience yeah yeah yeah either way i'm gonna have my shirt off sean Sean Jordan is here. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram.

I'm in a good mood, man. Sean in... Where are you right now? Iowa City, where the Hawkeyes, I believe, are. You have I? No? Nope. Iowa State?

Cyclones. Iowa State Cyclones. Okay. Oh, shout out to Kale Sanderson. Remember with the wrestler? That's why I was dancing so hard. Yeah, Des Moines is University of Iowa Hawkeyes. Shout out to Brooks Whelan.

Oh, yeah. Oh, did he wrestle there too? Yeah, he's from there. And actually, you know who was telling me is also from there because he popped in the chat on the Faded Happy Hour. It was Jake Brown and Sam Wiles, I guess, went to the same high school in iowa in iowa oh jake brown is from iowa that's right we owe so much to the great state of iowa including our boy sean jordan safety how's the tour with the kyle kananiak maniac mac 10 going tight man we had sioux falls it was dank uh lincoln was dank adam and nick

came from sioux falls to lincoln like just to come with us and hang out so super tight lincoln lincoln with with with with that rowdy group of individuals in it now hold on this is going to be funny if you're if you're driving pull over to the side of the road i implore you if anyone here is driving while they're listening uh pull over to the side of the road if you are at an airport find a place to sit down because I don't want you to start laughing spastically and get tackled by an air marshal. Uh, if you're, if any one of your family members are asleep, call them into the room because I'm about to really cut it up here.

Uh, Lincoln, Nebraska with you rowdy group of individuals in it. And again, please pull your car over to the side of the road. We are not liable for what happens when I drop this. Uh, with that rowdy, with that motley crew in it lincoln nebraska more like drinking nebraska got him you did i forgot everything man spot him got him it was drinking nebraska for sure we um we had an airbnb it was tight i'm just digging being on tour. I miss my daughter. I'll tell you that. Airbnb with that motley crew,

with that salty group of pirates in it, more like an Air G&T. Oh. I was going to say Air D&D minus. Oh, yeah, yeah. What's a D&D minus? Just two bad grades that dumb people get. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow. I thought maybe that was a get. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. I thought maybe that was a cocktail. Oh, no. Well, gentlemen, a couple things I'd like to mention. First thing, I'm going to do these in reverse order because we'll talk about the second one more. January 6th, I'll be at the, I believe, the Crocodile Room in Seattle. The U.S. Capitol. Two shows.

Show up this time, Seattle. Nobody came to the last one. We got to sell 200 tickets. I think we can do it. It's two shows. Five years time, Seattle. Nobody came to the last one. We got to sell 200 tickets. I think we can do it. It's two shows. Five years ago, probably. But nobody came. So I was very upset about it.

And also, December 12th, I'm going to be with this shitbag in the lower left at Helium Portland with Mike Malloy. So come to that. Hell yeah. Who all's going to be on that show?

I don't know yet. We haven't figured that out, have we? No, we're getting there. Probably Shane, Brendan, maybe Monica Neve. I don't think we've asked her yet, but we will. Does Monica live in Portland now? No, but she's always down to come down. We should do it between now and Thursday, probably.

Yeah, I'll hit her up after this. I don't know, man. Yeah, we're just going to be me and Mike and a group of talented individuals in the city of portland at the time performing stand-up comedy performing stand-up comedy i will have performed in portland last night i'm gonna do that sauce show oh nice oh word which show uh adam posse hit me up about doing yeah i think it's a mississippi pizza maybe if i land well one of the soft podcast stuff but i think i'll be able to be there if i

can if i can fly home quick enough and drop my bags off and say laura i'm gonna go do stand-up again i know you've been alone with our kid for nine days she'll probably be cool with that i'll see you uh like on saturday or something oh man yeah it sounds like a thing she'd be cool with and that you should do anyway Anyway, come to those shows. Hell yeah, dude. David Bord is also here. Coolguyjoe37 on Instagram. He's not on Twitter.

You fucking missed the bus. I'm not on Twitter. I'm turning off Instagram for Europe. But you will be on WhatsApp, bruv. So hit him up on my trainer plug. Yes. David's treating Twitter like he treated wearing a mask the whole pandemic. Just not having it.

Responsibly by taking care of my health first there it is fucking kudos you dude you're on the road sean this is a road game for you dude you better start playing harder dude you want to see some looks you walk into a truck stop in iowa city with a mask on you see what time it is pretty quick oh yeah they don't have mask mandates other places they They sure don't. Yeah, it's weird. Weird. They sure don't. It was weird going back to the West Coast. Like, I didn't bring my vax card. And then we went to a bar and they were like, oh, yeah, just prove a vaccination. And I was like, oh, I've been in the West.

Do you have that picture? Yeah. You don't have it on your phone? No, no, I didn't. Because they don't ask for it anywhere here. Oh, yeah. I mean, I just have it in my wallet all the time. You got to fucking show it to get into Blazer games,

and it makes it go longer. I believe that. My Colorado, though, they got this app where they got, you have your ID, and you have all the pictures of it on there. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, California has it, too, and people are still carrying around paper ones. South Dakota doesn't no we know

i can't believe it with all the the infrastructure and education being done in south dakota they haven't found a way to string some apps together i'm sure they could but they've stringed some apps together pizza sliders south latin and agri-rolls chislic you better believe it that's a hey that's a main course that's a that's a string play string some apps together that's my preferred app if we're being honest that's what yeah i can't i can't false out the code on that the chislic but bring it out as an app yeah chislic for the table it's a tough sell when it's the when it's the entree it is weird because you're like i don't know it's it is an app it's definitely an app chiswick is an entree is just like a steak your mom cut up for

you out of the kitchen yeah is it just steak frites yeah that's what yes and again nothing wrong with this i'm just saying it's not filling enough to be an entree i understand that steak is not enough for dinner uh listen uh i have no real dates coming up thank you guys so much for coming out to helium that ruled that was really fun to do all those new jokes yeah in some old jokes when i forgot some of the new jokes are you doing any funny stand-up now no no no no this is uh this is a one-woman show one man show it was more informative than anything. Just informative. Yeah. I'm just telling you where I'm at. David's just doing comedy-okey now.

He's just going to do Nanette. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I just did an old Eddie Griffin special. It would be funny. It killed though. It killed though. Yeah. And then thank you for coming to Faded on Friday. That was so fun. Hell yeah. How'd it go?

Really, really great. Really, really great. You know, watch out for some stuff coming up next year. My ears shut down, bro. I'm out. All I'm doing is this and VO till the year's over. Pretty much. I like it.

I got some stand updates, I think. I don't know where they are. We should have some Faded Denver merch on the website soon. See? And also, you know, kiss your mothers. You guys should start, you should Photoshop, like, a Supreme shirt of Nikola Jokic wearing a faded shirt. You know how Supreme does those, like, it'll be like Ghostface, but wearing a Supreme shirt or whatever.

We should start, like, Photoshopping. Or Ghostface, but wearing a Supreme shirt or whatever. We should start, like, Photoshopping. Or like Martin Luther King in a faded hoodie. No, no, no, no. I'm going to jump in and veto that right now. Malcolm X, though. No. No? No, we're staying away.

Only Coretta Scott King. Okay. David Abramovitz, DMD. Wearing a dental dam and a faded t-shirt. What if we make faded dental dams? Oh! I don't think that they will sell. Don't be dry.

None of you guys have even tried to use one. I thought you were responsible sex havers. Oh, I think it's more of a collector's item. You're not breaking that toy out of the box. That's a value drop. Oh, I know. They're built for collector's item. You're not breaking that toy out of the box. That's a value drop. Oh, I know. They're built for use, baby.

Inbox, dude. That's like fucking, I'm not doing NFTs. I'm doing dental dams, man. That's where all my money is right now. All of it. DDTs. Mike Malloy is here. Mike Malloy Esquire.

Now, that's an ESQ. That's the abbreviation. It kept bouncing around. Mike Malloy Esquire on, that's an ESQ. That's the abbreviation. It kept bouncing around. Mike Maloy Esquire on, uh, now that's twitter.com. The boy's fucking back. Yeah, he's back.

They couldn't keep it. They couldn't keep me out. They'll have to drag me to hell if they want me to, if they want me gone. Oh, you'll be out again. Oh, I'll definitely do something bad.

Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent fly too close to the sun again. I always do. They're not going to let you in there for a long time. They don't like it. When you're in there. You're going to make fake Mike Malloy on Instagram.

They haven't been able to get him off that yet. No. I'm behaved there. I only post pictures of my dogs. What are they going to do? How many AFEs do you think you've done? Mike, do you know? More than five.

Less than ten, maybe. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five.

More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five.

More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five.

More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five.

More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five.

More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five. More than five.

More than five. More than five. More than five. less than he's been mentioned in how many yeah how many i've well you've been mentioned in like like streak of uh how many i've been mentioned in or joe it's like 15 brother never mind uh joe yeah i'm sure i've been mentioned in 50 or so this is your 11th all fantasy everything oh word all right god damn you're a monk i i think zach might have the record. Zach's got like 30, I think. By virtue of living with us. It's being very funny, of course, as well. Zach just walked out of my house. Did he really?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, he was on the show Friday, right? Zach's in Denver? Yeah, he's in Denver. He's staying after I go to Europe. I don't know that dude. I don't know that dude anymore. He's like, he was in New York?

He's all over the place, man. He was in New York? Yeah, he's the place, man. He was in New York? Yeah, he's been all over the place. I mean, he's gone. I'm gesturing towards him. I feel like I'm not going to see him until my wedding. Or Sean's wedding. Wait, which one is first? Sean's wedding.

I saved both the dates, but it's a long watch to my refrigerator. Oh yeah, Sean, when is your wedding again? 420. Let me make sure that I do have that in my calendar. I know I do have. Yeah, this is a good, this is good podcast. Sean, you gotta get those save the dates out, dude. I know I do.

It's rough. I know where it's tough, man. Like moving and it's like after December 1st, I think we'll, whatever, whatever. This is, nobody cares. Y'all should do them in your shed. Sean's got a shed. Yeah. Take that hotel art behind you too. Take that home. Yeah. Throw that in your shed. Sean's got a shed. Yeah, dude. Take that hotel art behind you, too.

Take that home. Yeah, put that in. Throw that in the shed. Yeah, we got a centerpiece. We got the save the date for one of my buddies from college. And I was like, oh, here's the thing for Kyle's wedding. And Liz is like, who's Kyle? I was like, you sat next to him at our buddy's wedding.

Like, Kyle, you met him. She goes, is that the guy you kept calling KY the Jelly Man all night? Because that's the only thing I refer to as KY the Jelly Man. Is that like OJ the Juice Man? Yeah. I feel like you ruined every Kyle for me now

because that's what it's going to have to be. You think Kanaan's not going to hear he like you think canane's not gonna hear ky the jelly man as soon as me and pat and get our hands on him i think he's gonna get sick of it by tomorrow morning i don't care mike you got any dates coming up you shit i do december 12th as you mentioned uh every friday here in la with faded uh if you like going online and drinking obviously check out faded happy hour and then uh check out Faded Happy Hour. And then check out dates, MikeMalloy.com. I'm coming to Portland again in January. St. Louis, Boston, all sorts of different places.

Gross. St. Louis? Yeah. You guys all know how I feel about that. Also come to Faded Denver December 19th. Oh, yeah. Do that. I hate St. Louis.

Is this your Brett Holbeef that goes back like 20 30 years no i just have always i've always bombed there i've always had a shitty time well you don't like murphy lee the one time i don't don't do that didn't you and murphy lee fight over a girl one don't do that to me don't do that to me i won that was a key one you asked him where he was getting those colors oh he's dying him i could have told you that he's dying him yeah i was like i don't respect custom sneakers no i like factory fresh fresh was it was it courtney b or key one are they who you're beefing with you know the other dude how many do you know yeah i think so key one i think it's courtney b murphy lee there's a song where he says them all um it's like quinny b or something

courtney b maybe i mean i'm on it right now hold on i'm looking it up yeah you're looking at the There's a song where he says them all. It's like Quinny B or something. Courtney B maybe? I mean, I'm on it right now. Hold on, I'm looking it up. You're looking up the St. Lunar text? Of course. Of course. Nelly, Murphy Lee, Ollie, City Spud,

and Kiwan. Yeah, City Spud. Or Kiwan. City Spud's Wikipedia page is short. Is pain in the ass mentioned at all? No. It's a different city slick. I'm Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on

Jewish. Just Jewish, dude. I'm Jewish. You're Jewish. Ian Carmel, you're Jewish, dude're jewish dude you are 100 100 bar mitzvah and everything twisted holy buckets dude i'm getting i got we got a rabbi locked down for the way you shoehorning twisted in there like that yeah that was i don't like that at all david stop being so twisted shut that down that sucks dude that sucks i'm in a good mood man you just franchised you just franchised afv fucking man you can't just go around yelling twisted now do i look like i have

muscles no dude do i look like it come on tell me i do that's twisted man uh-uh you fucking trying to do that air jordan hybrid shoe ass yo don't team jordan this i didn't even mention the joker yeah nobody likes team jordan's i was just trying to have a little fun with my friends that i miss no dude i miss my friends you miss the fucking mark on that twisted thing dude set you up for that set you up you don't get you don't get that wasn't an alley-oop dude that was a fucking you do not know that was a chase down block yeah that was that wasn't an alley-oop that was a quarterback throwing one over the middle for the linebacker to destroy his receivers with yeah speaking of quarterbacks throwing over the middle huh We're not there quite yet.

We've got 30 more minutes of riffing, Sean. We're not picking shit yet. Stop trying to rush us. Yeah, we're only 29 minutes in. Well, I think less than that. I started recording early. But 25. I watched the Late Late Show with James Corden.

Watched Sex Unzipped on Netflix. You got the second funniest thing on late night television the other day didn't you yeah second only to paul rudd which i feel like was a payola thing so i i am taking credit as the funniest thing in late night when i improvised uh slam poetry about donnie trump dude i fucking put him i fucking put him on the rack you put him in his place i put him in his place and I can't envision a world where he runs again after this. No. God, no. I just took care of it. Good job.

Good job. I will... I don't have any stand-up dates coming up now or ever again, probably. But if I didn't fade it, I was supposed to do it Faded LA. Yeah, and you're banned now. You quit. You no-showed. You quit. I didn't no-show. I told you. You didn't no-show. You told me.

I got the booster and the flooster in the same day in the same arm and it what dude it wiped me out yeah fucked me up i gotta get it i gotta get it like this week because i want to get it before europe and i'm so like oh yeah take care of that you got you did them both though in the one i got them in the same and like i was out for two days but i was but after you know and now you feel strong yeah i feel very strong i hope that doesn't scare anyone i tweeted about it and someone was like this is like misinformation i was like that's not what i meant it's you know why you don't feel good no no absolutely still get it it just fucking sucked for a day i didn't die i was fine because i just lied about it so yeah yeah i just said i got it and didn't and then i didn't get sick at all i'm i'm i'm the mask man i made one of those cards just made one

pretty easy and uh then you never get sick you know i'm kidding i got the booster and i didn't feel a thing it was great i don't know i just felt better honestly i don't know if you're kidding dude i don't get it either what are you you said you're kidding, dude. I don't think I got it. You said you're in Iowa City right now? That's what I said. You want us to think you're in Iowa City and you're vaccinated simultaneously? I don't know. What time does the rally start?

Don't let it get out. Don't let these fools know. I'll tell you that. They're not happy about it. Where were you last January 6th, bro? Yeah. January 6th bro yeah january 6th oh now he's acting like he doesn't remember dates yeah january well january 6th i tried to honestly think about it i was in madison like february 6th i think we were supposed

that's not the same day at all completely different month last year that was two years ago wasn't it technically it was 2020 it was like almost two years ago but it's 2020 it was like that's last year uh whatever oh yeah yeah 22 months ago or something it'll coming up on two years ago yeah uh speaking of fucking quarterbacks getting hit over the middle speaking of that dude we were we just were uh we are gathered here today not only to ruminate on where sean jordan might have been during the uh july january 6th capital riots i was at the american embassy in bolivia the american embassy you were at the americana i wasn't in bolivia i was at the americana embassy in fucking bolivia dude they got two stores there too i want to go to the americana again so bad when are you gonna come back down we gotta do a live we need to do a live

laaf let's do it asap let's do it in january i'll start looking and i'll start looking at dates we can do it yeah man all right dude i'm yes i'm in anyway so then then we can go to the americana people fit at the faded out at the outdoor faded space? Like 50. We could probably find something better. We'll look into some numbers. Yeah. For God's sake, we're here to fantasy draft sports bloopers. We're venturing back into the world of sports. Baseball just concluded.

Football right in the swing of things. Basketball heating up. Blazers just beat the 76ers last night. Yeah. Fucking roasted them. Can we also say, I know it's not none of our teams, but how about those Bulls? Oh, those Bulls, who also got beat by the Blazers the other night. But yeah, they're fun, man.

Yeah. Caruso might be my favorite white player in a while. Now that he's off the Lakers and I can feel free to root for him, I'm loving it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels good. It feels good. Fucking Lakers. White guys look extra bad in that yellow, too.

Yeah, they look jaundiced they look john a pal looked okay because he has that uh that's not white yeah he's a little more swarthy though then yeah spanish yeah but caruso just looked bad dude yeah he's got an unfortunate hair situation was it like three years ago when he when he like just kind of came out of nowhere and he was a little shorter and bald kind of and everyone's like who is this guy it seemed like didn't he like shorter than he was now he means just like shorter than the average nba player no i just mean shorter than everybody else i didn't know who he was and then one day it was just like who's that guy and i remember when he was really good i remember when he invited didn't

he put all the girls on the video on the list his list for the bubble or something like that that's dope was that him if he did i like him even more yeah a boy can dream it's a big move it's a big maneuver yeah i'm actually gonna participate in this game of rock paper scissors i don't know how that's going to work. I don't know how we're going to do it four ways. We'll figure it out. Wait, we got to figure it out.

Yeah. How does it work? Yeah. Does it work? If there's one person that has... It's got to be elimination or no? Yeah, elimination. So if two people get the same thing, they're both out, and then the other two play.

No, it's got to be round robin. Somebody's got to sit out the first round. I'm sitting out the first round. No, no, no. We all four go at once once and then we stop and see what... You guys are crazy. What if we do two papers and two rocks? Then we go again, just like if we all three did rock.

What? We go again until there's two people that match and two people odd. No, I'm taking a bye week. I don't think that's a good plan. How do you come in the second? Why do we do a second round? If I come in, whoever wins this first round has to play me rock, paper, scissors.

That's how it is. Okay. How do we do four on one of the same thing? We're not. Ian's going to play the winner of this. Yeah, that was my idea. I'm going to kill you. It's wrong.

We're doing it the wrong way, but let's do it. Mustache looks good. I'm taking a bye week. I don't care if you like it or not. I never play. Did you say that? Yeah, it looks great. Thank you. Yeah, fantastic. Here we go rock paper scissors shoot sean jordan oh i'm out i thought i was playing in oh you're in he's in yeah wait i thought it's

oh i thought it's no the two play you next me and ian man oh no me and sean jordan all right here we go mustache boys rock paper scissors shoot oh two scissors tied rock paper scissors shoot oh we scissors again rock paper scissors shoot oh fuck i got him with the scissors yeahers. Damn, dude. I'm going first, too. Well, hold on. Before you do that, as the winner of Rock Paper says, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I got to remind you, it's the serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question.

It's like, since we're on the sports tip, it's like if someone gets in a pickle in baseball a pickle is where they're stuck between two bases and what you'll do say they're stuck between first and second the first baseman will hold the ball for a while and run at the run at the uh the batter and they will kind of run towards second the first baseman runs at him for a while and then they throw the ball to second and then the second baseman will hold to the ball hold on the ball a little bit and they'll kind of run towards the batter as they turn back to first and then eventually the second baseman throws the ball back to first and then the batter will stop in their tracks and try to run back to second and this in its own way is one of the best sports bloopers that there ever is i just can't think of a specific pickle so it's fun to bring up in the draft the same lot so well david so uh yeah they just kind of throw it back and forth until most of the time they end up tagging the batter and

then the batter's out and pretty upset because they were just embarrassed yeah if you pick if you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round is basically what it means now sean with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be this is tough because there's what i got one that i want to pick first and i think you you guys might get it so i'm gonna go first even though i don't want back-to-back picks necessarily but i'm gonna jump on that just because i i don't know i want this first pick so i'll go first and We'll say Mike second. No, Mike Malloy. David 30 and fourth. Hot corner.

I feel like I know what you're going to take first. Maybe. Oh, yeah. I know. I'm pretty sure. I thought of it kind of late last night, and I think it's a real popular one. Well, we're going to find out because you have the first pick in the sports bloopers, all fantasy, everything draft, and you have it right after this short break.

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dot com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed this is it if you've heard a podcast it was all fantasy everything there aren't any others you got a long road trip coming up luckily these are two hours each because this is it audiobooks fake it's a fake thing if you thought you listened to an audiobook it was a riff inside an episode of all fantasy everything that happened to echo the sentiments of herman melville's moby dick sean jordan sports bloopers you have the first pick mike do you have a mixed drink uh i have a soda okay i'll just make a chair and some ice clinging around like a mixed drink it's pretty early there so i was just checking i put ice in a glass and then i have okay i have a squirt

sean also there's a lot of people think it's p but it's actually a soda you always want to see I put ice in a glass and then I have, I have a squirt. Sean. Also, a lot of people think it's pee, but it's actually a soda. You always want to see, you always want to see a lineman get a touchdown. I've always wanted to just really quick. Can't gloss over the,

a lot of people think squirt is pee, but it's actually a soda. It deserves a little moment that we can't. Yeah, that's very funny. You want to see a lineman score a touchdown i always want to see it and i was so excited when i thought it was going to happen so the game dallas cowboys are playing the buffalo bills it was a super bowl i think it was a super bowl and leon lett big boy big fun nice boy got a fumble recovered he's running it back to score and he just got a little too

overzealous and and slowed down and held the ball out and Don Beebe turned on the burners and caught him and slapped it out of his hand inches from the goal line and it's just it's a heartbreaker but also it's like a lesson learned and Leon let yout, you're like, oh, boy, big boy. You cut it. You were almost there, man. Yo, cutting in to let you listeners know that if you want to see clips of all the bloopers mentioned on this episode, check the show notes. There's a document there with links to everything. I remember the voiceover in the highlight video. Leon Lett shouldn't have let up.

And, I mean, it was in a super bowl i know it's like attention and then the cowboys only won by 30 or something like they were beating the hell out of them that was when the bills lost four in a row i think and but that was one of them where it's like that was the fourth one or the third or fourth one if you just if you just would uh you could have got a touchdown in a Super Bowl. Leon let, and it just, he got too stoked, man. And I don't feel bad for him because he still won a Super Bowl. Yeah.

He could make the list again. He had another notorious play. Oh, what was it? That Thanksgiving Day game where he tried to go for a fumble and then fell on it, but then it like slipped out of him and the team got it back yeah it was intense man i felt so bad for him he was a bad guy so don't

don't feel bad for him he was a really bad guy from what i remember well if we're gonna get into how bad these dudes are and you know might might turn into a different show but anyway that was the one that stuck out to me at first where i was like oh yeah that's like classic wasn't leon let a bad guy i i remember him having a lot of like uh not not hitting women problems oh no okay that's the opposite of the problems you want yeah he had those two but but that was a very funny play also not what i thought was going to go first off the board okay now i think i can i can grab the one that i they're pretty clear okay i think there's a pretty clear number one yeah if mike doesn't get it i think he's gonna

get it though it's randy johnson hitting that bird right yeah yeah okay yeah sean took the first one i was like sean's Sean's gonna take Randy Johnson hitting that bird, right? I assumed you were going to take him smoking that bird. Cause I, I had already like, I should have, it's right here.

I, I completely spaced it. Honestly, I should have, I, in my mind was ready to like have Carmelo fall to me. And I didn't expect LeBron to still be on the board. So like,

cause I was like, I was, I was already thinking about like what I thought David would pick and trying to like prevent that from getting taken i didn't expect randy johnson to be on the board still at two so i i was like yeah yeah that he exploded a bird he exploded randy johnson the is he the big yeah he's like 610 okay yeah he was the diamondbacks pitcher at the time yeah he pitched for the Mariners, the Diamondbacks, the Astros. The Yankees? Yeah.

He was the man on the Mariners, though, right? He smoked that. Oh, yeah. The bird was the Diamondbacks, I think. Was it? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. His entire nickname included is a penis joke. He's the greatest man to ever live.

Yeah. His first name's Horny. His last name is Penis. His first name's Horny. His last name is Penis. His name basically is Horny Penis. His name is Horny the Big Penis Penis. That's his whole name. Horny the Big Penis Penis takes the mound for the Arizona Diamondbacks. And he exploded a bird.

Six foot ten, Horny the Big Penis big penis penis throwing upwards of 100 miles an hour. Which a bird is a nickname for a girl across the pond, so horny the big penis penis exploded a girl. And a nickname for your junk too. Yeah, yeah. True. Horny the big penis penis

liked to take, he was an amateur photographer and a professional photographer. He's a professional now. I think he did it at the olympics or some shit yeah he used to do pearl jam shows pearl jam another game for cum so god damn it all comes full circle come yeah you it comes full circle horny the big penis penis like to hang out at cum shows and take pics horny the big penis penis man yeah that's tight that is tight yeah i uh that was crazy did anybody see that live like when it was up it was like a day game in the middle of august i don't think many people did in arizona i feel like sports center or really any television network would never show a bird getting massacred like

outside of the context of like uh an animal planet show or anything like that but there was just a universal agreement amongst everyone that like listen i know this is fucked up but like look at this shit just the the probability of it is so low that it's just like this is like watching the sun explode we have we kind of got to show it yeah you have to see it's fucking crazy that it happened it's amazing that it you can't it makes me a little more religious knowing that that happened it's the number one sports blooper of all time because somebody in that stadium might have been asking god for a message that day yeah can you imagine if you were like all right god just give me a sign anything i'll quit gambling i'll go back home i'll find my kids me and my giant dick will go back home randy horny the

big penis penis hitting a bird with a baseball fantastic uh excellent pick yeah i mean leon let also good sean don't feel bad david boy time for your first pick uh okay first pick i am going all right i think that I can get this later. Do you guys remember 50 Cent's first pitch at the Mets game? Yes, I sure do. Oh, yeah. God, dude.

To be that hard and throw it like that? Have you ever held a ball before, dog? It just hooked out in such a weird way where you're like, how'd it go? What is he, left-handed? Is he left-handed? I think he threw it lefty but it it's like he let go of it by his shoulder and let it roll on his fingers wait like over by first base dude it went like in between first base and home plate the only way i can describe it is if is if if you ever watch like a an amateur wrestler or a hockey player throw a ball,

that's pretty much how it goes. That is such a specific explanation, Mike. I know. It's crazy because 50 Cent's like... Oh, yeah, I've seen... I didn't know what you were talking about, but then let me think about that time I saw an amateur wrestler throw a baseball.

That's what it's like. It's just so hard. And to watch that happen from him because maybe it'll get brought up but there's other people who have had bad first pitches and you're like sure but when he does it he's muscular he wouldn't have a problem getting the ball to the plate it's not like a arm strength thing it looked like it looked like something happened to him yeah it looked like something like a ghost like a ghost swatted it out of his hand or like he stroked out yeah like they were like there was like a medical incident mid-pitch or

something like that he is left-handed and yeah it i think he's just never thrown a baseball doesn't it just go like way out in between first it like not even yeah he just sputtered sputtered out to the left yeah it didn't even go like hard to the left yeah it was it's awesome i love that this is what this is what fucking happens when the dodgers move out west this wouldn't happen if they stayed that's true it was a mets game wasn't it oh yeah but the brooklyn dodgers he's from is he from brooklyn no he's from queens oh he's from queens oh queens get the money i uh i keep my joke this is what happens when Lord Tariq and Peter Gunn say they're shooting in Yankee Stadium, but it's actually Shea Stadium. I get that.

I love sex. Just saying that while you're wearing a leather shirt. Yeah, we get it. We should get some leather baseball jerseys. Maybe that's what we'll do next summer for Faded. We'll get some leather baseball jerseys. My nipples would never recover. I bet you Lord Tariq and Peter Guns have come up

on this show more than any other adjacent podcast. They came up last week, didn't they? Yeah, they come up a lot. And I don't think any of our peer groups, friends, podcasts are talking about Lord Tariq and Peter Guns. I don't think any podcasts are talking about them. Except for Guns Talk.

Peter and Corey Gun they bring they bring up uh lord trigg and peter grunt's on wait wait don't tell me all the time but that's more like a npr show that's released as a podcast so it's more radio surprisingly they come up on planet money a lot yeah it's planet money well yeah i'm not that surprising. I mean, they're getting to the paper. 50 cents first pitch. It's very funny. There's no more scathing indictment of Major League Baseball's inability to reach out to the inner city. And Curtis Jackson not being able to throw even something close to a pitch.

I don't know if he could shoot a basketball either, though. I feel like he's not. Is he just too buff and too weird? I think he might just be a buff guy i don't think muscular and athletic aren't the same thing not at all they're not they are not so i think maybe i think he might just be a buff guy that could be now now i want to watch a show that's just bodybuilders trying to do normal athletic feats yeah i would watch that i want to watch a bodybuilder free throw contest save the pitch save the pitch yeah yeah that's that's money in your pot that's a that's a pool for your house right there comedy central fucked up dude those dipshits would have picked up the show then we

would have had that already i'm gonna picture on the late late show i'm out here pissed i'm pissed about it he's pissed dude he's sitting in front of hotel artwork and he's fucking hot nah i'm not actually pissed i'm i'm in a good mood. He's having a great time. Yeah, I'm having a good time. I miss you guys. Time for my first pick, and I miss you too, I love you. And my second pick, as it is,

the Serpentine Draft. Sure is. My first pick is one of the great bloopers of all time. The man's name is Mark Sanchez.

He was the quarterback for the New York football giants. I had it on my list. The New York football quarterback for the New York football giants. I had it on my list. The New York football giants. The New York football giants. He has snapped the ball. Mark Sanchez, former USC quarterback, Mark Sanchez.

I believe they're playing your New England Patriots, Mike Malloy. And is it a long? No, it's a play it a law is it is it a law no it's a it's a play action quarterback keeper or something is play action where the quarterback decides if they want to keep it or pass it right there that's a run option yeah quarterback keeper is like a play action is where you fake a run yeah you fire off like it's a run in the nine pass block okay Whatever the play called play was, Mark Sanchez, the famous play is the butt fumble. He takes,

keeps the ball, and just runs as fast as he can into the massive, built for war ass of one of his offensive linemen. I think it was Damian Woody, who now works for ESPN. I just watched it again. Huge ass.

Falls over. So hard. Fumbles the ball. A fumble caused by his own offensive lineman's just huge utilitarian ass. Yeah, because he wasn't downed even though he was technically tackled because nobody on the other team had touched him.

No. He fucking took himself out of the game with someone else's ass this was on thanksgiving as well i believe i think he did get hurt too yeah i think he got it's like it's it looks like the ass is a linebacker that came out of nowhere like it's that level of impact it's like he got hit by jadavion clowny like it's that he just like no one has been so thorough not outside of like uh that that one strip club in atlanta oh magic city no the fun one oh claremont lounge outside of the claremont lounge no one has been so thoroughly dominated by an ass so publicly it's it's it's just very funny it got a name immediately when you say the butt fumble you know what people are talking about it happened on thanksgiving it happened against the end of one of the nfl's marquee teams it's just very funny it's mark sanchez

who lived a you know a pretty a great sporting life including being the quarterback of one of the new york teams yeah he got to be a quarterback at new york city and los angeles and los angeles and and his biggest moment and he's hot and he's hot is running into another dude's huge ass love it and. And I think New England scored on the play as well. Yeah, they did score. Just a fucking humiliating scene for the Sanchez. That's it. I love it.

The butt fumble. So the butt fumble I'm taking. And then I'm going to take a blooper that has become a meme. Swaggy P, Nick Young, playing for the los angeles lakers throws up a three that he's incredibly confident that is going to go in the basket and decides to go full step curry on it and turn around and celebrate the shot before it slinks through the net and he turns around and throws his arms out and the camera captures it perfectly in a way that he's walking down the court with the fucking uh russell crow

are you not entertained arms and the ball goes into the basket rattles around and then pops back out of the basket as he's fucking walking down the court, Lakers in full flop mode, like the shitty Lakers teams, and the ball like rattles out. And it's just one of my favorite. It's become an amazing gif on the internet for when someone thinks they've gotten a point off on someone, but they're an asshole. It's just so funny. It happened to the Lakers, which delights me to no end. I just fucking love it. It's the prototypical moment of swaggy p's career

yeah i love it that's a great that's a great pig how did he get the nickname swaggy p he gave it to himself that's wrong okay well that's one way to do it which is weird because what does the p stand for there's not even a p anywhere in his name no i it's a swaggy penis i don't i hope not i'm just asking questions i'm just trying to get to the bottom of this i mean they're all penis all these nicknames are penis driven except for butt fumble okay he's nick young finally explains the swaggy p nickname and he says god gave it to him i hate you nick yard god in a dream talked to me and he gave me that name i'm like you know what god that is a funny name i might need to run with it ever since then i've been calling myself swaggy p got a lot of

nerve he's also said i think if you look good you play good so you know the swaggy starts with how i come in the arena how i dress the shoes and the p is a mystery a lot of people have said i hate i hate that that he was probably like 14 and he called himself swaggy pimp yeah that was probably like his on like xbox live or some shit yeah it was like his aol screen name like xx swaggy pimp xx and like everybody was like oh this sucks yeah and he was embarrassed but he's like i'm gonna keep the p i'm gonna keep it's my little secret because he's that you know he's not that self-aware i don't think no probably not fucking swaggy p dude yeah but it's just it's just my favorite it's my favorite little moment of like yeah the celebrating we've all had those moments in our life in one in at one point or

another yeah call me x did you want people to call you x at some point no i just was like x insert name here oh dude i was trying to get people to call me six with a c for quite some time what if we all started now? I would be thrilled. Oh, man, in that cameo, I tried to get you that that guy turned down. I told him to call you six. Oh, my God. Who was it?

It was Kane from Menace. I tried to get Kane from Menace. He just didn't do it. My dream cameo was for Kane to be like, if Kane was like a six, you once asked me if you wanted to turn 40, and I didn't know what to say well yeah I do

now it's too late I was refreshing my I was like dude Sean's gonna go ape shit and yeah he just didn't I didn't know that was an option he just didn't do it yeah you can just not do them sometimes yeah

yeah yeah yeah You can just not do them sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, boy. Don't be a second pick. Wait, is it mine or Mike's? Oh, it's mine.

Okay. Mine is from, I believe it was two years. Sorry, I watched it again. It was two years ago. The men's doubles final in Wimbledon. Nicholas Mayhut got hit three times. I don't know how you say his name. He got hit three different times. The third time being one of the most grueling nut shots I've ever seen in my life.

And it was like, I'm going to send you guys the clip now. Because he faced two of them. And then you're like, oh, this poor guy, he's back up in it. And then he just gets cranked to his nuts. And it cuts to Woody Harrelson in the crowd. And Woody's just like, I'm sending it over now, guys.

The men's double Nutshot Just cause tennis nutshots you're like Whoa that's fucked up It's coming in fast too That's about as bad as it gets dude Like I mean baseball But I don't think

Tennis players are wearing cups Oh no you're definitely not wearing a cup I don't think so He took that he took that oh yeah oh that's so fucking funny yeah it's like because i was trying to get i was trying to see like okay what sports don't i know about so i was googling uh youtubing tennis bloopers and i watched that i because i also watched king rich youtubing tennis bloopers and i watched that

i because i also watched king richard yesterday full disclosure oh i need to see that it's amazing oh it's good i just saw previews man it looks so good it's so fucking good with my co-star venus williams yeah yeah yeah yeah girl more about her than serena honestly what if gronk was in it too whoa and bobby and then there's like a little there's like a little kid with curly black hair and they're like who's that he's gonna be the girl ever tell you guys the story about uh when i was at conan and gronk uh like knocked on the i was at conan because sloss was doing it and uh i hear a knock on the door and gronk standing there in a monster energy track suit.

And he's like, hey, guys, the shower in my room is broken. Can I use yours? And we let him. And he comes back out in a different monster energy track suit. Well, yeah, that's because he's showered. That's so dank. While we were filming the game on season one, he came to the late late show offices in a sleeveless santa outfit for no reason it was around christmas time it was the only reason it was around christmas time but it's not like there was like a party at the he just showed up in a sleeveless santa outfit

because it was December. And he looked great. God bless him, man. I wish there were more athletes like him that just were there to drink milk and be silly. I fucking love him. He's a giant Labrador retriever puppy of a human being. Yeah. That's all he is. And he's amazing at football.

He's like the greatest tight end of all time. Amazing. Him and Kellen W winslow jr of course he went off the deep end didn't he try to like kidnap somebody yeah he did him and him something about playing tight end man him and aaron hernandez like in a five-year span i was at so that but i'm saying pics now oh yeah go go back to it i was gonna say i have a story about aaron hernandez too oddly enough what's your story about Aaron Hernandez? So I was at the club that he was at the night he murdered somebody, but like four hours

earlier because it was a comedy club before 10 o'clock and then it turned into like a nightclub. Holy shit. Yeah. That's never a good situation. Jesus, Mike. I mean, like it was a four hour. I wasn't there when he was there.

I think he was there. I think you set him off with your adult man wearing jersey. I was going to say it was a four hour. I wasn't there when he was there. I think he was there. I think you set him off with your adult jersey. I was going to say it sounds like your fault. Yeah, that was back when you had the book on you. My comedy made him think too much and he got mad. Back when you were thick, Mike. Why is this guy making me think? It overheated his fucking circuit board, dude.

He blew a gasket, man. This nut shot is maybe the greatest video I've ever seen in my entire life. I told you, right? It's like, you watch it once, and then wait until you see the other angles. It's so good. Shout out to the director in the fucking truck at

Wimbledon who was like, saw that nut shot and had the fucking, I'm going to use the Reggie Miller presence of mind, the presence of mind to say, give me Woody Harrelson. Take Woody Harrelson. Cut to fucking Woody Harrelson.

Now. You don't stay on the nut shot. You don't do a random, you're just like, give me that fucking Woody Harrelson shot. Get a camera on fucking Woody Harrelson now. Because it's so funny. It's really great.

It's Wimbledon, so there were other celebrities in the crowd, but it being Woody Harrelson is the funniest. They knew who was going to be selling, who was going to be giving them what they needed. Woody Harrelson just fucking blasted out of his mind on British joints.

Yeah, he's clearly all hashed out. He's dirt weed. He gets hit in the nuts at the three second mark of this clip. And we are at Woody Harrelson at the seven second mark of this clip. It's amazing. So he says, and that's like him saying it and the director hitting a button. So he said, give me Woody Harrelson.

Probably two seconds after this guy got hit in the nuts. Give me Woody. Give me Woody right now. You got hit in the nuts and this guy was like, Woody Harrelson probably two seconds after this guy got hit in the nuts give me woody give me woody right now you got hit in the nuts and this guy was like woody harrelson immediately they just had a woody camera i bet they were like oh they had a hard camera on woody at all times woody camera at all times during wimbledon i don't know what's gonna happen this is wimbledon baby but i've seen a lot of nut shots. I mean, I was up late just Googling, YouTubing nut shots from history. That's also for a project I'm working on. Of course, that's a different thing.

Other stuff. That's a Smithsonian project. Yeah, that's like a whole other, you know, drop it next year. LACMA. The Wimbledon nut shot, fantastic. Nicholas Mahut, more like Nicholas Manuts. my nuts oh my nuts he was like oh my balls oh my balls uh mike mulloy time for your second i'm gonna take i i'm amazed that i made it past david twice with this one uh i'm taking the denvergets mascot passing out on the zip line.

Yeah, I don't know that. I thought I could get it late. Damn it. What happened? It's so good. It's so strange for you. I'm going to look it up now. That poor idiot. It's so funny.

Oh, man. Sean, have you seen this before? No, I'm trying to look it up. It's so funny. Oh, man. Sean, have you seen this before? No, I'm trying to look it up. It's in the chat. He sent it in the chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to send every pic of the chat. Oh, my God.

He is just out cold the whole time. From Jump Street. It's one of those things you feel like... It's one of those things you feel like it's one of those things you feel like if you were there with your kid you'd have to like pretend. He's just dangling. He's fine, sweetie.

It looks like somebody put a dead person on there and they're sending a message where they're this is like Van Damme is in the stadium and he's like oh my god, I need to figure it out. That's crazy. They're clearly supposed to be holding on to those legs like they just like shot up viking and those are things that yeah it's very it's very it was probably horrifying for the first 15 seconds but once you found out

they were okay it becomes the funniest thing right like at first you're like oh no i've i've seen it i've seen a's dangling a human pinata basically. Yeah, that's tight. And all the game ops shit is happening around them. Some guy's like, and fucking number 43 from Duke University. And this dude is just like fucking. It's just hanging there dead. That's fuck.

How are the Nuggets doing doing this season are they doing pretty good not good not good they don't have jamal murray right now which is a problem they don't there's a lot to be desired neither of the broncos guys we're not talking about my teams we're talking about sports in general right they got seabear they just don't have jamal exactly get into the avalanche this year they're they're contenders yeah dude years i've had like three years where i've tried to make a serious hockey pool like get a hockey seriously like i'm not gonna be a fat guy with a hockey jersey can't do it dude hockey jerseys are great though you can wear a hockey jersey you have the perfect proportion

he's not yeah i'm not gonna be a fat guy. That's like, okay. You would look amazing in a hockey jersey, Mike. I might go that route. I think you should. I think you would look good in it. If you start wearing hockey jerseys too, you will be the least giving a fuck guy I've ever known. If you transition into also hockey jerseys

and just joggers in Switzerland, you're going to be one of those guys where it's like, I know he doesn't live in the park because he has a wife and a car. I know he doesn't, but he could. We need to get Mike Maloney in a hockey jersey. Yeah, dude. You're going to ruin. Send me some fucking Bergey uh send me a fucking burgy

send me a marshy i'll take a pasta fucking give me any of those guys you there's a guy named pasta on the bruins pastor now i'm back into hockey i'm back into hockey i'm also into the hockey yeah dude yeah hockey rules and like all the guys on the bruins kick ass i love them i saw you've been playing the video game. You're actually, you're keeping up with the sport itself as well. Yeah. Now that it's on ESPN, it's like, you know, there's a lot of times I'll get an alert on my phone at four o'clock when I'm sitting here anyways, that the Bruins game's on.

And I'm just like, if the Celtics are off, why not? Hockey is real. I mean, in person, it's fucking fun to watch. I really do like going to a hockey game. Yeah, it is. I have been to hockey games and it's way fun. But yeah, NHL 22 fun to watch. I really do like going to a hockey game. Yeah, I have been to hockey games, and it's way fun. But yeah, NHL 22 fucking rips. I fucking love it.

I was so frustrated with NBA 2K that I was just like, yeah, let's give this a try, and now I love it. Is 2K that bad? I just downloaded it. It's so bad. It's the least fun I've ever had playing a video game. Oh, no. All right.

And MLB and NHL both kick ass. So I don't need to play it anymore. You need to friggin fix it. I'm going to play it a little bit anyway, but I guess I may have just wasted 50 bucks. It's not the worst video game. Wasn't there a video game called Divorce a while back? There's a game called Divorce? No, I was kidding.

What a strange joke. John, we're loaded call scholars having an intelligent conversation for grown-ups here dude idiot that's just like a really wild what i knew it was weird i knew it was weird when it was cooking in there i mean i'm not against it i like road sean's energy dude it's road sean it's mustache sean there's a lot of different sean's Road Sean. It's Mustache Sean. There's a lot of different Seans coming to the table right now. I'm in like a perfect mood. It's like it's shocking.

I feel like something bad is going to happen. That's how. Don't do that, dude. I know. It's weird, though, man. I've been doing all this stand up. It's all new. It's all about having a kid and like doing calming down and like being happy and and thinking trees are dope and all this stuff.

And I'm like, I don't want to overdose on being stoked. I don't think you can do that. No, man. You have a high tolerance for stoked, dude. I think you're going to be fine. Yeah. It sounds better than the alternative. I do have a high tolerance for stoked.

You also have your second and third pick. As it is. Okay. So this involves a commentator is that okay for a blooper yeah i'm i'm for it can i can i throw it out there yeah all right uh it's the uh boom goes the dynamite kid oh yeah that's a blooper says yes yeah you know what i'm talking about and boom goes the dynamite of course yeah i just i looked so i looked into what happened and that kid wasn't supposed to be announcing for the game at all and he just kind of got thrown in he was

like a student at like ball state or something well laura had never heard it until like randomly a few months ago i was just i said it because she like dropped something and i was like and boom goes the dynamite and she looked at me not like i was being a dick but like kind of like well that was rude and i go you never I wasn't being a dick. And I just played it for. And she's like, oh, my God, that poor kid. And I hadn't listened to it in a long time. But he just the way that he says it, he goes, he gets the ball.

He passes the man. He shoots. And it's just because he was not supposed to be in there. So was that like in the teleprompter? Who was this kid? Oh, he just that was him trying to call the game and he just got thrown in who's doing like uh like a news sports news package it was like the highlights that's right the clip came up and he didn't know what to say so he goes and he gets the ball and he he gets the ball he passes it to the man and he shoots

and boom goes the dynamite he's so amped up until he says boom goes the dynamite clearly watched like a lot of sport golden age of sports yeah it like was raised on that right he's trying to stew scott and it didn't it didn't go so well boom goes the dynamite yeah man i uh i just i love it i was trying before i'd like looked up stuff i was trying to do bloopers that i just knew so i was trying to be true to it uh and and just do things i knew so that was the second one i knew and this one is my third one is i'm putting it in the chat let me know if you guys have seen it it is i want to say it's a high school basketball game and it's older but it's just his kid this little kid getting smoked with a basketball so what happens is there's like a melee on one side of the court and you see

this kid run down the sideline and you don't think anything of it you don't think anything of it and then it the dude one of the dudes gets the ball and tries to huck a full court shot and the camera cuts over and you see this kid again running under the backboard and it hits him square in the side of the head and takes him out. Like it was like a child, a toddler. Yeah. It's like a four year old. And this ball just intercepts this kid and hits him with his face and like

knocks him sideways. He was vertical by the time he was horizontal. By the time he hit the floor, it's like it was directed by Steven Soderbergh, the timing. Cause you see the kid running in the first shot, like while they're, while they're,

you know, the basketball's on one end and then it's perfect I remember that video that's one of the like perfect early internet videos I love how many of our videos are just people getting smoked by stuff yeah that's bloopers videos you're right it's like somebody directing a movie where they're like people are going to watch this multiple times and then they're going to see how nuanced it is because you see them and like you said you don't think anything of it cuts over and you're like there's that kid oh there's that kid you got fucking smoked dude it looks like you got clotheslined i mean it's and i just i was laughing i was up last night probably three in the morning just hysterically laughing watching this draft could have just been like favorite times people got smoked in sports yeah so yeah man little kid getting smoked in the head he's okay i also had to make sure all

these like nothing bad happened but everything was fine even if something lightly bad had happened like yeah it's fine yeah if he like broke an arm or something the amount of joy he has given the internet for going on more than a decade now definitely more than a decade for sure that's that video is old dude it took me a minute to find that shit looks like it was filmed on a fucking like like a jitterbug with like the last minute maybe even a camcorder like that thing is fucking like yeah that's a cat that's 100 one of those big quasar rocket launcher camcorders that got passed around on vhs before it made it to the internet

yeah tight i'm glad you guys got that i figured you would but it was pretty long oh yeah i love that uh mikey time for your third pick all righty so uh never has a a pick shot up the rankings overnight like this uh you know when we pick this this thing i never thought something this fantastic would happen and there we go last night with a fan puking all over the court at the Kings game it was so much

it was so much and he just sat there did you put it in the chat yeah oh that's so funny it's not like a little like it's a full fucking like and that's the guy sitting right there yeah yeah so it's the sacramento kings who are like the nba's biggest fucking like just shithouse franchise right i mean you would have to say that yeah for the last decade anyway on luke walton who's their like shittiest coach in the long times last game this dude just fucking it clears the

bench all over the floor court side they're all laugh i love it when the players have that shocked but still laughing look there's video if you go to if you go to uh look at luke walton just like come on dude he's just still sitting there too oh my god well yeah because he's probably just he probably feels like complete shit and he's probably embarrassed and he's probably like shit i'm gonna get kicked out thinking about how much money those seats cost and guys well think about it think about this too is how many people are in that stadium 15 or you know at least 10 000 probably closer to 15 000 and like how many like what percentage of people like see puke and like puke a lot so if one percent say if it's one percent if that caused a chain reaction of one percent of 15,000 people puking,

that could have been catastrophic. That would have been hilarious. Is that 150? Hold on, I'm putting a video. What's 1% of 15,000? Yeah, it'd be 150. You'd cut off the two zeros. Nice.

There's a video of the barf I just dropped in the chat. Oh, thank God. just dropped in the chat. Oh, thank God. I was struggling to imagine what it looked like coming out. Oh, you dropped that just to me, Ian. Oh, shit. Marissa, look at this guy barfing.

Hold on. It's on Twitter. David, you're going to have to go back on Twitter for a second it's a two-level barf oh buddy oh my gosh dude that is bad oh that is disgusting no one even the girl behind him kind of noticed his actually but you see her like start to lean in concern that is so dope though but yeah that was pretty fucking hilarious any more info come out was that do we know if it was a drunk bar for a sick barf oh it has to be a drunk barf you don't sick barf like that i feel like if you sick bar you prepare for sick barf you don't get sick at it you sick barf, you're at least going to try to... You don't get sick at it nowhere. You might even get up and run off the court or something like that.

That's happened before, clearly. Yeah, that dude's an experienced barfer. Shit. I wish he was looking at someone when he did it. Actually, shit. Speaking of experienced barfers, I wish I could... This was dropping today

because I'm producing Maggie Mae's show. So, God, she fucking puked in my yard and she puked in my sink and she puked on my car. The sink puke is just... Three different times. In the same night? No, three different months.

Three different months. different months wow really fantastic comedian fantastic comedian hey no shame in being a barfer by the way i mean oh no great yeah great comedian i'm a barfer yeah yeah yeah you are i do it when it needs to doing sometimes you need to barf I barf a puke a yak you'll barf the next time in your LA too I gather I believe it

David Boyd time for your third pick so my third pick is Jose Canseco I don't know which one. Because there's like, somebody got smoked. But then there's also like, boop-a-doop-a. And I think for more of the blooper, doop-a-doop,

this is like the classic baseball blooper to me, is the home run off of his head. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's the one. Just like a beep boop. That's like the Michael Jordan of this draft. Maybe not Michael. Let me rephrase that because Michael Jordan still is the great.

But like during the 90s when that happened, that was on so many VHSs that came free with your Sports Illustrated subscription. Every single blooper clip. I don't know what you're talking about because I want to put it in the chat. Oh, yeah. You've seen it he went to go catch a ball near the fence and it bounced off his head and over the wall so they counted it as a home run

off of his head with no batting helmet on no he was fielding oh god what a knucklehead the most knucklehead man of all time perhaps that's like such a knucklehead move oh it check it out, Sean. The most knucklehead man of all time, perhaps. Yeah. That's like such a knucklehead move. Oh, it bounced off my head. And look at it.

Just like, look, his reaction is knucklehead. I don't know what happened. Where'd the ball go? Look at him. He's looking around. He doesn't know what happened. And the center fielder's like laughing at him. Yeah.

His own teammates just like, you shithead. His glove barely ran any interference. That almost just straight up hit him on the head with no glove touching it. Yeah, no, it just bumped him. I bet it was so awesome being Jose Canseco for about 10 years. Oh, yeah. It's still probably awesome. It's still probably pretty great, but he's a good looking dude.

He's hot. He's still probably pretty great, but he was like, he's a good looking dude, you know? He's hot. He's buff. Buff and hot. And he smacks that thing. Yeah. He seems like a gronk, but. He's a dark, there's a dark energy to Jose Canseco.

Yeah, dark, dark gronk. But he was right about the steroid shit. I mean, like, weirdly, he's like kind of a antihero. He does have a weird dark energy to him but like i don't know there was like as far as like if you could be an athlete for like a five-year span which is a good draft yeah yeah oh yeah maybe circle five years before it got dark like that like the oakland years for like jose can say it'll be pretty fucking sweet yeah the bash bros yeah yeah yeah off the head is classic that's like yeah just a real we all grew up with it we all love it's a fucking blue it's a capital bloop blooper dude yeah that is a

blooper that's your bloops it blooped off his head it blooped off his head it made that sound and then he went then he does oh the fucking paul newman of bloopers dude it's like classic furry it's gorgeous you know what i mean like you kind of forget then you look at it again and you're like yeah that's amazing it's got all the parts it's got all the parts to it and i'm happy i saw that today yeah i'm glad it's a blooper-noober. Oh, man. Come on, Adrian Peterson. Time for my third and fourth picks. Okay.

I'm going to take... This is... I'm going to go back to back. One of these is a real blooper. One of these is a speculative blooper. One of these is a speculative blooper. I like it. The first one was during the NBA finals. LeBron James was adjusting his shorts.

Damn it. And just showed his dick on national television dude it's so crazy and it's yeah i was shocked his foot i was shocked well zach we were at zach i remember at zach's house and zach stops the game on his tv and he's like was that his dick and i go i think so and zach gets up and rewound it and paused it. And we're both inches from the TV just being like, that's his dick right there. Game four of the NBA finals. Yeah. And the fucking royal penis is clean, your highness.

It's out. Yeah, dude. That was dope. I remember being like, yeah, let's. I mean, obviously, the internet's going to get a hold of it. We'll be able to see it. But let's look at it for a while. It had to be a hold of it. We'll be able to see it, but let's look at it for a while. He's just kidding.

It had to be slowed down. If this was in the NBA on NBC, if this was the old days, this never would have made it because it was like a blink and you'll miss it. Kind of like... Yeah. But the fact that the greatest player of all time popped his dick out during the NBA finals, I mean, his dick blooped out. It's very funny i mean his dick blooped out it's very funny to me he blooped that's a blooper yeah that's definitely that's a blue he's got a blooper that thing's a blapper actually a blapper dude his blapper made the blooper yeah that's a unit

it was fun there was no you know what i mean like if you or i exposed our penis on national television it might be embarrassing. LeBron James didn't seem fazed by it at all. They just went out there and fucking. Did they win that year? I don't know. He won that year, even if they didn't. Yeah, he's been winning for a while. My next one.

Wait, wait, sorry to interrupt. This is an odd request. Can you send me a link to that? Because I'm making another resource guide of all the links to the videos resource oh yeah resource yeah yeah sure it's for the listeners so they could follow along with all the clips it's for the listeners absolutely we'll put it i get a lot of source material in porn hubs yeah yeah pmz james royal penis exposed during nba finals.com thank you and yeah if you continue posting the links in the chat because i'm going to compile them all together uh and release it when the

episode releases and i have back-to-back picks here so i will get to my next pick but first we're going to take another short break. at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife, did everything. But it's tough.

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Paul Pierce says he got hurt and needed to be taken off the court in a wheelchair and then returned to the court of his own volition but what other people think is paul pierce shit his pants during an end was it a finals game it was yeah the nba 2008 yeah 2008 this is a speculative blooper a lot of people think it's a it's a pooper blooper a pooper a lot of people think the third quarter of game one of the 2008 nba finals a lot of people think that after a fall paul pierce shit himself well paul pierce pooping panties and had to be removed from the court. But he's got a point. Why would they pull him out with like on his butt if he had a butt full of poop? You just don't want to move. What are they going to put him on his stomach on a stretcher? Why wouldn't they put him on a stretcher face down if he pooped his pants?

Because everybody would see the brown. But now the poop's going to get smushed and it's going to be all over his butt. Oh, he doesn't have another pair of shorts back there yeah he's wearing two pairs of shorts so the poop is contained in the shorts yeah it's probably in the compression it probably never left the compression shorts it's probably in a tight little nugget actually

probably not I mean it would be a loose poop if he shits himself during a game I know we had this discussion I was just saying the shorts compacted all back in like sand you you know. I do know. He was quoted in The Athletic. Recently, right?

Yeah, just this week. If you poop your pants, does it make sense to sit down and mush it in a wheelchair? Right. You don't sit down on your poop, right? God, I love that Paul Pierce. Paul Pierce to Michelle Beadle. Hasn't Paul Pierce been stabbed? Yes.

He was stabbed. Paul Pierce has had quite a life. Yeah. I love Paul Pierce. Oh, dude. If you pooped your pants, why would you sit down and mush your poop together? He's just running right into it. It's a good point.

One, most people wouldn't. Most people wouldn't sit back in their poop. But if you were trying to disguise the fact that you shit yourself because you was game one of the NBA finals, then you might sit back and you're wearing all white. Why would you draw attention to it by being wheelchaired out? Because you're afraid. You just walk to the back if the poop was contained. If the poop was contained, you'd just be like, oh, I tweaked my hammy and you'd just like jump. Because you'd have a diaper load.

You tell me how you get out of there. You're going to smear the poop around even more if you walk. There's a diaper load and you'd be doing a poop walk. You think it's going to be worse if you like skip to the locker room versus if you like sit down and mash it? I'll tell you this. I put my pants on the bus one time and I had to walk to the bathroom and I wish to God I would have had a wheelchair to get to the bathroom.

He knows he's taking a shower no matter what. He knows he's taking a quick... Yeah, no matter what, he's... Yeah. He knows that. That'd be a bummer if you're like... Bummer is right. I don't know, who had long hair?

Kelly Olenek or something and you had to take a shower but you couldn't get your hair wet because then everybody would be like, clearly you took a shower back there. Why'd you do that? Because you're injured. Your Boston fandom's showing through, dude.

He pooped his pants and you should be proud of him. Yeah, pretty cool that he pooped his pants i think he didn't leave the i mean he left the game for a minute yeah mike you deserve a wheel you deserve a wheelchair right if you shit yourself and that's for everybody i think that's i love that blooper idea pooper david boy time for your fourth pick my fourth pick is going back to 2013. Prince Fielder goes to catch a pop-up foul, misses the foul, goes into the stands, takes a nacho chip from one of the fans, and then runs back on the field. He ate a nacho. He ate a fan's nacho. This is an aspirational blooper. This is what I want.

That's how i want to live yeah i got somebody to give me a water at the helium show that's pretty good gave me a i put it in the chat it's just like so much charm for having missed a very easy ball it's nice that someone sent us a drink in the show that wasn't a jaeger bomb We're going to need more of that in the future. Yeah, go ahead and throw those waters up. That sounds great. Ritz Fielder is fat. He's so fat that he should have got that ball.

Ritz Fielder wasn't fat for an athlete. He's fat. He's just a fat guy. He's a fat dude. I love him. I fucking love him. You see the clip, Sean? I put it in the chat.

He takes it like the last jalapeno in the nachos. Yeah. He's just digging around trying to get a little meat. Yeah, he dug around for some of the cheese instead of just grabbing the shit. I would buy his restraint and not dig. Being a thick boy myself, although less thick now, but still of that mindset,

my immediate reaction would be like, let me get a little cheese and let me make sure there's some of that ground beef on that yeah maybe worth my travels if i'm doing also but a very catchable ball by the way do you see this more athletic a more traditional shaped baseball player might have been able to get that yeah i think babe ruth maybe babe ruth who like by the way was like he was trucking so hard prince fielder you can just see too you're like oh big boy can't stop you know how good baseball you have to be to have a fucking softball like corporate retreat body like that and fucking

play at the highest level of the game shout out to prince fielder yeah he's at the top he's at the top you don't get more pay yeah no it's dank tigers are an al team right or are they nl uh tigers are an al team he could have been the dh and he wasn't he was out there in the field he was he was most of the time i feel like not that day not that he was out there trying to prove some points That day. Not that day. He was out there trying to prove some points.

Is this interleague play? Hold on. Seattle, no, this is an AL-AL matchup. Prince Fielder's not going to get there. And Prince Fielder tried and failed. That's a great one. Did not make it. Mike Malloyer, what's your fourth pick no staying with baseball this is a game that i remember i was watching live it was uh

during the it was patriots day which is only a holiday in massachusetts so we had the day off and i was watching a day baseball game and there's a pop fly to left field one of the uh angels players goes to get it and a fan interfered and the guy didn't catch the ball and a red sox fan just reacted not realizing that was actually something that was good for the red sox took his pizza through it and it hit the guy like right in the shoulder and neck face down the pizza it's an amazing throw it's just the fact like there was no pause between like the guy touching the ball and this guy just chucking his pizza like like he'd been looking for a reason oh that's so fucking funny and the guy who gets the pizza thrown at him loves it

he's in good spirits about it but the but then also listen to it later with the announcers they're just absolutely losing their shit oh man i feel like the guy almost threw the pizza, like, cause he spilled his beer. Like you fucking idiot. And then he throws a pizza at him. He did lose a good. That's like most of his beer. That's a great, I hadn't seen that before.

That's fucking amazing. Oh, that's a great one. I love that. A good spit. That feels like Boston sports to me. A good spirited pizza throw because someone fucked their beer up. It's chaotic, but it's not evil. That's hilarious.

Also, man, how can like that's that's like a nine dollar piece of pizza. Yeah, no, that's that's what I'm saying. It was a full slay and even taking a bite of it. Oh, that's a full slay. You're right. It's like he had that ready to throw at someone he's like today's my day I feel it

something fucked up is going to happen over here and I'm going to throw a pizza at him like he was a very specialized ninja turtle toy that just had a pizza throwing action that's an amazing clip why did the car shoot pizzas that made no sense yeah that's a good

question like pizzas as weapons yeah i don't know i guess it's like what you have at hand so they had pizzas did they work at a pizza place no they were turtles they lived in the sewer also where did they get money for pizza why did they like only fans i'll tell you this so the equalizer just got done and the town came on so man i'm in an even better mood damn boston boston heavy good fucking day for sean i didn't know it could happen dude the turtles they were also always ordering like which one of them was like and give me jelly beans and peanut butter on it it was like michelangelo yeah they're ordering gross shit. It's just like, why don't you just eat what's in the sewer?

Your turtles. Although I prefer that turtle to this one where they drew them all aggressive. You see that version of the cartoon where they looked the big sinewy ones and you're like, come on. Oh, from the comic books? Because the comic books, they were way darker. Yeah. I don't want a dark ninja turtle. But that was

the that was the original it was yeah those were there before the cartoon yeah the comic book was before the cartoon i mean the cartoon was in like 1988 i prefer a silly ninja turtle yeah i like it i like a fun playful silly ninja turtle voiced by cory feldman you know something like a silly little ninja turtle and a snoopy little devil that likes to kiss i like that too yeah they started in 84 that snoopy little devil has the next two picks the fourth and then the final lightning round pick i had to i had to find something with skating and it's tough because they're all like they're too painful but there's this one clip and it's so i hope this counts it's not like at a skate contest or anything,

but it's Garrett Hill. He's skating. And before you watch it. So I didn't believe this was real. I thought it was staged. And I saw an interview with him where he talked about it and it was real. So he went to get everybody a bunch of coffee and then comes back with coffees and he goes to high five his buddy and hits a rock.

And just, I mean, it's such a yard sale with the coffees. So watch it watch that clip and he you can hear him he screams he's so mad and i i was like there's no way that's real but yeah he just he went and got coffees brought him back for everybody tried to high five his boy ate shit ohust his hand up too. Oh, fuck.

Broke his board in half. Oh, yeah. He flipped out. And anyway, it's a very, very, very. That's so funny. You also know they're not anywhere where you can get a coffee quick. No. No.

I'm sure it took him like 45 minutes or something for the whole thing. Like start to finish. I've had a couple people who had like complicated orders there was a line at the coffee bean or whatever uh-huh like there was definitely there's definitely like a fucking like backstory to that yeah it um i don't know it just gets me and that was like all the other skate clips it's like they're not funny they're people smashing their nuts or whatever and it's not it's not tennis funny. It's like the tennis one would hurt. Anyway, last one. I just found this one randomly. I've never seen it before, but it's Gregory Polanco.

And he's trying to catch a fly ball. And when you watch the clip, it looks like he just caught the Holy Ghost or something, or he's doing the Harlem Shake because he loses the ball. And then he just kind of his shoulders fall and it looks like he's dancing. I'm going to put this clip in and I want you guys to watch it. Go a minute in because the replay is a little slow. Go to

one minute in and you'll get the slow-mo part of it. The eye is just so funny, the way he looks when he's trying to field it it's too bad to play really quick just one second oh my gosh anyway hold on one second all right okay it's a cubs pittsburgh pirates gameates game. A fly ball is hit into the ear. Gregory Polanco closing in on it. Whoa!

One of his feet slips out from under him. It's just the way that he moves, it looks like he's dancing, like doing the stanky leg or something, and you're just like, I don't know. I mean, his eyes and his mouth's agape the whole time. It just looks like he's on drugs or something. It's the worst way to play's the worst way to end the game

too they lose on that yeah it was the last play of the game that was like the only random clip i found i just was watching clips last night and that really really really got me he puts his hand up to try to catch it too as some last-ditch effort like i got it when he's like 15 feet away oh boy yeah so that's uh that's my last funny one mike moly thanks bud so i don't know if this is staged or not i don't think it is but it's the um fan marriage proposal at the houston rockets game where the woman says no and then like the rockets mascot is like consoling him and like is still like you know acting like a mascot but like pretending he's sad it's so fucking funny just like the skip ahead to halfway through it looks real oh I've seen this it's I

saw the way the woman walked off where she was like in between like running and like fast walking I was like oh shit maybe this is fake and then I saw that I was just like yeah no that's how a person who is like in this scenario would probably be reacting yeah

she just gets embarrassed and like get me and like, get me out of here. Get me out of here. But then realizes she's running and then stops, but then realizes she really wants to run anyways. Right. Because, yeah, she's like, oh, I can't run. It's hard enough on the guy. I wonder if they got married. Like, you know, people buckle in those situations.

Oh, look at that kid. She said no. They didn't get married. There's no way they got married no yeah well you know like i wonder in situations like that if somebody got nervous and said no but then later nobody gets nervous and says no people say yeah get nervous and say yes i think you think all right no i don't know i mean like i just back out i wonder privately all right all right well too bad for them you guys ever seen any of those

in-person proposals like that? Like comedy clubs and stuff? I've never seen it in real life. I, one time at the comedy club, somebody was going to propose and they told me to hit the music while they proposed. And I was like, sure. I hit the music and it was this Nickelback song. And I leaned out

and I was like, it's the wrong song. And he goes, no, this is right. And I was like,'s the it's the wrong song and he goes no this is this is right and i was like oh this was the sioux falls yeah yeah yeah this is how you remind me sharon oh boy the fact that a man in a bear outfit has to console you after you fucking brick it in public like that is pretty and just the bear like putting his hands over his eyes like is so funny it's so funny he's doing mascot reactions yeah it's yeah that's that's the whole whole part I love is that he's always selling. You start to feel bad for the fucking guy, but then you think, what scenario is it where if you're asking someone to marry you, you've got to have a pretty good idea that they're going to say yes, right? Yeah.

We talked about it for years, Laura and I did. Yeah. And I know most people don't talk about it for years, but like it usually comes up a little bit here and there where you're like, I feel like you should have an idea. This guy's throwing a fucking hail Mary. You should have had those jokes where like, oh,

it's going to be crazy 10 years from now when we're married. And then the both, both reactions are like, yeah, that'll be crazy when we're married. Right. Yeah. The one thing that made the one thing that may think I might be fake

is that it's happening center court. Yeah. Yeah. What did she think was about to happen? I want everyone to see it, you know? Yeah. That was probably, you could probably pay enough to do that.

Oh, I got you. Yeah. I guess you could. You probably could pay enough. What did she think was going to happen? That's the weird part. Like she thought they were going to give him an F-150 or something. Maybe. David Boreid boy time for your final pick uh my final pick

is going to be and this is lightning round so i'm not gonna explain it too much the jamis winston eat a w speech oh yeah yeah that is the weirdest weirdest hype up hype up. You can tell even the guys are looking at him like, I don't know. I put it in the chat. Have you never seen it? Sean, basically Jameis Winston, the quarterback for the Bucs at that time, right, is running around and he goes like this. What's this? What's this? This is a W.

He's throwing up the West Side. He goes, we're going to eat a W. I've seen that in a bad lip reading compilation for sure. It's the weirdest. Yeah, he's just a man licking his fingers. I know what he's getting at. It's a combination. Yeah, but it's the weirdest type of.

It's like a combination of yes man disease and repeated hits to the head. Where like Jameis Winston has been like probably a world-class athlete since he was like eight. So everyone's been telling him, oh, that's a great idea, Jameis. That's a great idea, Jameis. No one's ever told him no. And then you take a bunch of hits to the head as a quarterback. And then all of a sudden you're pretending a W is like a piece of food and you're sticking your hands in your mouth on national TV and in front of a

bunch of other adult men who are millionaires. Like they're not into it. If you watch the, he's like going around a circle and every like one guy steps in finally at the end is like, you know, traditional football hype. But it's just like,

so, so funny. It's real weird so unaware it's hilarious eating the w my final pick is uh the final pick of the draft is going to be a it's it's less it's less a blooper more of a it's more of a friggin prank if we're being honest okay shaquille o'neal uh joined the in the 1992-1993 season, I believe. I believe it was the 1992-1993 season. And was immediately a dominant force. So big, so fast.

Almost impossible to guard. Eventually, the one weakness in this game was his ability to hit free throws. And eventually the hack-a-shack strategy was brought about where they would intentionally foul him when he got the ball to make him shoot free throws because there was a chance he would score less points doing that than if you just left him to his own devices. It became such a big issue that it developed a name, the hack-a-shack.

It was endlessly frustrating to Shaquille O'Neal. It mostly happened in the fourth quarter. Greg Popovich, one of the great basketball minds of our time, decided to do the hack-a-shack at the beginning of, I think, the first season of the game, like the first few seconds of the first season of the game. Shaq is on the Phoenix Suns. They're playing the San Antonio Spurs, and Greg Popovich calls for a hack-aq right off the bat Shaq gets fouled can't believe it he's furious and then looks over at Pop who gives him

kind of like a little ain't I a little stinker kind of thing and Shaq loves it he gives him like the double thumbs up it's just very funny I love that there's a little joke it's funny to see Greg Popovich do anything that doesn't where he's not looking like

a furious uncle you know yeah dude like when he's being even remotely playful you're just like okay all right so you're not the devil he just looks so scary to me it's just so funny to me that they said like let's do it like they got together as a team and we're like we're gonna do it right off the bat immediately right off the fucking bat they're all having a big laugh shack loves it i've never seen greg popovich smile like that oh man you gotta watch the uh team usa doc on peacock he eats like the greatest side of poppy. Oh, yeah. That was sick. He's like running. It's so fun. It's so fun. I fucking love it. We made it. We made it.

Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah, it's not a specific blooper, but I always like it whenever like a dog sneaks onto the field and like wants to play along with everyone and like goes after the ball and then all the players have to suddenly chase after this dog to get it off the field. Those are always my favorite moments. It's extremely cute. It's extremely cute. To recap, Sean,

you went first. You took the Leon Lett, Don Beebe play from the Super Bowl. You went ahead and drafted I don't know. Somehow you took Sam Bowie first. No, it's not that bad of a pick. It's a good Leon Lett, Don Beebe pick. Boom goes the dynamite. Little kid getting smoked by a basketball. A skater holding

coffee yard sale and Gregory Polanco catching the Holy Ghost and not the ball. Mike, you went second. You took the Randy Johnson bird pitch. The Nuggets mascot passing out. The Kings fan puking hot off the presses. The pizza toss at the Patriots

day game and the bricked marriage proposal at the Rockets game. David, you went third. You took 50 cents. First pitch. The Wimbledon nut shot. Jose can say off the dome. Prince Fielder snagging a nacho and James Winston eating a W. I went last.

I took the butt fumble. The swaggy P miss shot. LeBron James showing his whole hog on national television. Paul Pierce shitting himself. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. national television paul pierce shitting himself allegedly allegedly allegedly and greg popovich's hack a shack in the first seconds of the first game of the season we left some good ones on the board i left all the violent ones out i was gonna pick like tyson biting off holyfield's ear like there was some bummers i just i just dropped one in the chat of the uh i was gonna pick conseco

smoking that ball boy but but that one is rough. Oh, I don't remember that. Nolan Ryan getting rushed was a dank one. Oh, yeah. I did have that on my list. I wasn't sure if that would count as a blooper. I don't think it does. I was in a pinch.

Mike dropped a college football player spiking the ball into his own nuts. That's very funny. Yeah. Yeah, it's a CFL game. CFL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was way more. he spiked it into his nuts and then the opposing guy like pushed him and he fell into another guy oh my god there's so many layers to this so he spikes the ball into his own nuts and then gets shoved and then falls into

another dude who makes him fall over and then tries to get in a fight about it that's we got a person can you put that on the list too is like an honorable mention that's this is crazy we'll do we'll do another one i just threw in the chat was uh martin grammatica tearing his acl celebrating i had that one oh my god i remember that bill grammatica it was his brother yeah i can't yeah i felt too bad bad because that was tough because then you're like, damn. Gus Farratt hurting his neck. Gus Farratt headbutting the wall. Yeah. I think Shaq on the inside the NBA studio show, though, where he falls because he's

like all wired up. It's very funny. Bill Buckner letting the ball go between his legs. It's funny now that the Red Sox have won a World Series. Or I guess if you were ever a Mets fan. But if you want to hear yours, hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com.

Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. We love you. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity. I'll be participating in the gift exchange. Sean, David, all of us will be in the gift exchange. That'll be fun us will be in the gift exchange that'll be fun um shout out to fucking uh the afp subreddit we love you guys and girls and people of uh in

between on the gender spectrum people we love all of you folks everybody with an x everybody and latinx people we love latinx people we love and italian x people we love italian x people also the spanx corporation we love the spanx people what a great fucking idea i'm wearing them right now head to tone spanx oprah just invested did she yeah shout out to oprah dude just always shout out to oprah shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to david and sean for getting saint sue carmel a better seat at the show shout out to. Sue for bringing me that sandwich. I was hungry as hell. She brought you a sandwich?

Yeah, she brought me. She was like, oh, we're at Lardo's. And I was like, oh, I've been dreaming about a tuna mouth. You had been. Yeah. I've been talking about it. I've been talking about it for weeks. Hell yeah. That's amazing.

Shout out to Frankie Ocean, though, too. And shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And for God's sake, more important than all that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shuklakity. that was a hate gun podcast