All Fantasy Everything - States (w/ Shane Torres, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: April 18, 2019

OH GREAT! The Big Cranberry is back in LA and this time we're drafting states. Episode Guest:Shane Torres @shanetorres IG: @syrupmountainSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that ran to a bakery this morning, brought some goods back to the house, not realizing that somebody else was going to bring a bunch of sandwiches, and now our cup runneth over. Our cornucopia is swollen with the gifts of the harvest. Our larder is bursting at the seams. Our pantry has been blessed by the gods of plenty. Cupboards are full.

Cupboards are full. Got that fat pantry on it. Fat pantry, dude. Girl had a fat pantry, why I called her fat pantry. I don't know what it means, but I just found out whatever, like they have sapiosexual. I'm fat pantry-osexual.

I identify as fat pantry. If that was someone's nickname. Fat pantry. Fat pantry. Oh, they got fat off of food nobody else would eat. You're fat pantry. I'm fat pantry. You're like, oh, they got fat off of food nobody else would eat. You're fat pantry. I'm fat pantry. You got fat off of chicken and biscuits and unsweetened bacon chocolate.

Yeah. And pie filling. Pie filling. Semi-sweet chocolate chips. A bunch of olive oil because you always forget you have enough. Some type of strange container of oats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Oats. Dry bean. Dry bean. Lentils. Yeah, dude. some type of strange container of oats yeah yeah yeah for sure oats dry bean lentils and uh like Texas toast a dirt devil a dust devil I will say I also feel like

a picture of my nephew yeah he's in there fell off the fridge and landed in there that pantry sounds like a guy who would beat the shit out of you oh I wouldn't want to fuck you oh you don't want to give me my 20 bucks? Well, I'm going to call Fat Pantry and then we're going to sort it out. No, it doesn't have to be that serious, man.

Yeah, yeah, no. No, Fat Pantry, you know what he likes to do. No, I'll get your money. He likes to eat snacks and break necks. It's like a finishing wrestling move. The Fat Pantry! The Fat Pantry! Oh, no!

Oh, no! He's the president of the company dude fat pantry yeah we're two hours in that kind of podcast that kind of podcast recording live from the portraits of solid dudes

in beautiful downtown Glendale your changes came out yeah I'm pat pantry now it changes it's like billions our theory for billions is that it's like a belt that people pass back and forth you know like oh now chuck rhodes is billions billions oh oh no now it's a taylor mason is always taylor masons have the they've had the built the the billions belt a few times oh i want to say, did anybody reference Bobby Axelrod in a rap song? I think so. I think it just happened. Has anybody called him Bobby Snackselrod?

Bobby Snackselrod, dude. Bobby to the Maxelrod. That's what I like. Bobby back to Baxelrod. Bobby the two beasts of the beast with two Baxelrods. Bobby Cackle Axelrod. Wow. Bobby the two beasts of the beast with two backs Bobby Cackle Axelrod wow oh we're early Bobby Cackle Axelrod

Chuck too many pints of Rocky Road yeah yeah Chuck Rhodes gnarly dude yeah Chuck I like Chuck Rhodes right down here right down there

right down here hey Chuck we're gonna need to work together if we're gonna get the billions well you know oh it's gonna be on my terms funny thing Dr. Pepper down here. Hey, Chuck, we're going to need to work together if we're going to get the Billions bow back. Well, I like that. It's going to be on my terms. Funny thing, Dr. Pepper.

23 flavors. 23. Chuck's hitting him harder than Ronnie Lott in the 89 Super Bowl. I've got to get Showtime. Do you guys just have Showtime? Do you have to get the app? Oh, iPod Premium Cable. That's, I think, how. We were talking about how Billions... I just got Tidal, and I really can't get the app? Oh, iPod Premium Cable. That's, I think, how. Okay.

We were talking about how billions. Because I just got Tidal, and I really can't afford anything else. Oh, for the Jay-Z. It's good to have it. Yeah, it's one of the biggest flexes I've ever had. You really do have to have it. I thought about switching, but Spotify's so good. Tidal's way better than you think, though.

Really? They have so much. I have Apple Music. Yeah. We were talking about how billions is full of threatophores. Like, every metaphor is a threat. Threatophores. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. He's like, this egg cream reminds me of the tie-bender. What does it remind you of? Whatever he does. He wailed on me harder than Clarence Clemons on the saxophone at the show at the Garden in 89. That's the problem with your generation, Sonny. I couldn't get tickets for that show. It was sold out.

My generation would have kept fucking even when AIDS was around. Jesus Christ. That's the world. Is that Chuck Rhodes' dad? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Holy Lord. Dale from The Walking Dead.

You nut up. You go do what you got to do. You rip your dick off, and you get back in the game. AIDS wouldn't have stopped us. That's the problem with your weak generation. We fought the Viet Cong. Holy Lord. You weren't afraid of an enemy you couldn't see twice?

You got to go at him like Sandy Koufax on the 59 World Series. Biden. Everyone, they're all... Knuckleballs, dude. They wouldn't reference Koufax. It's all like between 1975 and like 1993. All the references.

It's Leonard Cohen songs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A lot of that. Obscure Japanese board games. Is that in it? They definitely, they talk about Go, which is like a Japanese kiss. Could you say that got me harder than Rafael Palmeiro in a Viagra commercial?

You could. Yeah, you could. Did he sell Viagra? He did. I feel like he did. Yeah. Yeah. Good for him.

Then he lied to Congress. Yeah, he did i feel like he did yeah yeah yeah good for him he lied to congress yeah he did about how period about how hard it was about steroids that's my actual bad yeah dill's nicks john jordan and the uh forges of solid dudes lives here records here uh at shawn s jordan on twitter shawn cougar melon j on Instagram. A lot of those out there. A lot of those out there. A lot of those. A lot of those. Big kitty. A lot of those.

Seen a lot of media outlets. Jack in our flow. I didn't even see it. I took it down when you took the gloves off. A lot of times audio and visual gets confused. Then you got to get the club out. What happened?

Huh? What happened? I'll tell you. Well, no. We'll talk about it later. Can you tell me on here? No, we'll tell you later. It's not a beef situation.

Yeah, man. Clear lungs over here. We got a smokehouse out back, though. I'll take you to it. I'll show you. Trust me. We got a pig beef situation. Yeah, man. Clear lungs over here. We got a smokehouse out back, though. I'll take you to it. I'll show you. Trust me. We got a pig hanging out. Yeah.

Yeah. You got some ducks in the window. Yeah. You got a little money. Started spending it real weird. I was spending it weird before I had any. I'll tell you that. I spend it weird.

For sure. You're looking around like, yeah, it's been a weird. I'm looking for those trailblazer glasses because i've just tweeted about how i spend it weird i must have put them somewhere dairy queen cup yeah i saw that i don't think that's weird i think that's smart no but there's two sets oh i don't know i used to have some up there but i don't know where they went there's i think there's two sets in there oh are they i think so we shouldn't be using two sets once for show well one of them is uh this is great audio every time yeah every time i come to your house, I use this rubber cup.

I love it. Yeah, man. Where'd you get it, speaking of which? It's like the perfect size. Laura bought it for me because her nephew had one. He's three. Well, where did Laura get it? I don't know.

At like a baby store. I was like, this cup's dope. You can't break it. And she's like, do you want one? I do. Can you? Jesus Christ. Fill it with liquor.

Tell Laura I'm good for it if she could get the hookup. No, we don't talk. I want a whole set of rubbers. I've never actually spoken to her. Your girlfriend bought you a plastic cup. It's rubber. Feel it, Shane. No, don't let Shane touch it.

You're going to like it as soon as you touch it. Oh, but now, and it keeps the cold drinks cold. Too flimsy for me. Now it's broken. Too flimsy. What are you drinking? Fucking mead? That you need some type of a stye? I just don't like it.

I don't like... I know what I'll do with it. I'll just squeeze it too much. Sean's screaming Irish blood requires that he have a cup that cannot be broken. When we're all out of potatoes and I throw my fits in the kitchen. Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Where are the fucking potatoes?

Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Is that what you said? Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Where the fucking potatoes? Teddy Fitz Kitchen, is that what you said? Wow. Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Yeah, Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Wow. They talked about him on Billions. That's Fat Hatcher's real name.

That is such a dank alter ego. Teddy Fitz Kitchen. Jim Landry. We say it like some boxer getting stuck in the corner. We're like, oh, he's in the fist kitchen. He's in the fist kitchen. And guess what they're cooking up. It's a fat pantry.

This is really fun, boys. Really having a good time. What do you got coming up? I have an album that has a release date now. April 26th. April 26th. April 26th? April 26th.

I was going to call it Established in 1981. I can't, though. Okay. Well, you should have recorded your album two years ago. I called it

The Buck Starts Here. I saw the artwork. Say something. Ain't nothing between us. That's what I'm excited about. The artwork is by Shane Schroeder, who's fantastic. I love Shane Schroeder.

He did a great work. Yeah, he's fantastic. He did a really good job. He did. That's the only thing good about it. If I lived in a loft that was mostly concrete, I'd own some Shane Schroeder works. Man, a concrete loft is a cool place.

I can do that. I have exposed brick in my new place. Really? This is more of a concrete. What's it like showering by exposed brick? Do you feel like you're in jail? It's not in the bathroom.

Okay. I'm not a monster. Sorry, I guess that was a weird question. You said it, you said it like you thought about it before. Yeah,

yeah, for sure. I thought I wouldn't like that. I have an album coming out April 26th and go to Faded every Friday. What's the album coming out on?

Special Thing Records. Okay, there you go and go to Faded. Every Friday. What's the album coming out on? Special Thing Records. Okay, there you go. AST, baby. AST. AST. AST. Yeah. They're going to come out on tape only.

Yeah. Let's get it to premiere at number one on the Apple Music charts. That'd be super cool. I think it could do that. Yeah. You just push it hard. That'd be. Yeah, I know people who have smaller followings than you who did that.

I'll be bootlegging it. Yeah, yeah. I just want everyone to know. I'm going to get a car just so I have did that. I'll be bootlegging it, though. I just want everyone to know. I'm going to get a car just so I have a trunk. I'll be popping the trunk for sure. I got two for fives at the Blue Rooster all day. I'll be at the Ralph's on Glendale if anyone wants to swing by. Knock twice, ask for Rico. Yeah, yeah.

Go to the frozen food the go to the the frozen food section and open up open up the door that's just Hog Hearts open that up and I'll be in there that's the weirdest

door what are they doing I don't know just the weird Hog Heart door just the weird parts I'll be in there it's a false door

is there a thing that's actually in there right now you're gonna find out when you buy this album aren't you motherfucker we got a Hog Heart out here in LA.

We're healthy. Yeah. It's a health kick. Is that like a Glendale thing, or is that like a... It's an LA thing. LA thing. He said LA.

LA. Citywide thing. Los Angeles. Okay, but you live in Glendale, right? Yeah. It's all part of the same family. Yeah. LA's an idea, dude.

Yeah. It's a state of mind. LA's a race, and we want it. Oh, yes. That went better than where I was. idea, dude. It's a state of mind. LA's a race and we want it. That went better than where I was. Everybody was like, oh boy. It's like, how's he going to freeze this? LA's a racist, dude. Did you watch, are you guys caught up on Billions?

Yes. The chicken. We just talked about it. But in case you're not, is this a spoiler? The chicken episode. This is a spoiler. Yeah. With the chickens.

With Dollar Bill. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought of it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Pretty offensive.

We'll talk about it later. Yeah. We'll talk about it at a nice Italian dinner. We'll talk about it. I'll talk about it. We'll talk about it at a nice Italian dinner

when we're sitting in the corner booth like Al Capone so nobody can sneak up. Ooh, manicotti. I'm going to have my first hot food. I'm going to get a bottle of wine that's like a woven basket on the bottom. Oh yeah, the candle wine.

And then we're going to slam it like we did in Vegas. I thought we drank sake. This was a gift from him. No, it was cum that we were drinking. Okay, come on, man. Oh, I remember that story. Looks like cum. The waitress side-eyed you like she was

working in the healthiest city in the world. Yeah, you don't work in Sin City. I can't talk about... You don't have any glasses full of cum around here in these streets? More than soccer. Yeah, it's fucking lined with you. She's just like, I like American pie, too. Everybody says I'm like Stifler.

Yeah. You're just like Stifler. You remind me a lot of Stifler. All my bros say I'm just like Stifler. I know a lot of you probably think that's Idris Elba, but that's actually Shane Torres on the microphone. There he is. At Shane Torres on Twitter. Yeah, at Syrup Mountain on Instagram.

Instagram, yeah. No Cougar Melon Jordan. Syrup Cougar Melon Mountain? It's pretty dang. Shane Cougar Melon Torres. Oh, Syrup Cougar Melon Mountain. Melon Mountain. Melon Mountain is the weird beer I'm releasing.

Melon Mountain is for sure Fat Pantry's girlfriend. Oh, no. And she's scarier than Fat Pantry. No, I love it. Fat Pantry and Melon Mountain. You think you got a bad fight in Fat Pantry, dude. And the fish kitchen is actually their bedroom. Oh, no!

It's only tile. It's consensual. Those are the last two people you want to walk in on a hot treats, cool eats. Oh, my God. That room is hotter than the sun. It takes a lot to get Mel on a hot treats, cool eats. Oh, my God. That room is hotter than the sun. It takes a lot to get Melon Mountain there. So, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You got to. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of preparatory. There's some stretching involved. The empty is a pantry out. Oh, boy. Shane, what do you got coming up? Where can people come see you?

We don't care, David. How are you, buddy? Oh, shocker. Glad to see you having it in person this time. Same energy. The Southern Dandy Tour. Yeah, it'll be. Is that see you having it in person this time. Same energy. The Southern Dandy Tour. Yeah, I'll be... Is that what you're calling it?

Yeah. Oh, I thought Sean was making fun of you. First, I'm stopping by a tuberculosis ward in Jackson, Mississippi. I like it because you talk like you got chocolate in your mouth. Shortly thereafter, I will be journeying to Tallahassee, Florida to play a tuberculosis. Where are you actually performing?

I'm going to be at a sugar tree in Athens, Georgia at dusk. The 16th through the 20th. So I guess actually it'll be 17th through the 20th. Yeah, 17th through the 20th. I'll be in. Of April? Of this coming week. The day this comes out.

Right the fuck now. Chattanooga, Tennessee. Pardon me, boy. Hun right? The fuck now. Uh, Chattanooga, Tennessee, Huntsville, Alabama, train, and I'm staying in a hotel called the Chattanooga choo choo. Are you?

Yeah. Oh, are you doing the catch? I know I'm doing, uh, JJ's. It's like, uh,

I know JJ's too. Yeah. Do be on the lookout for the Chattanooga Jew crew. Cause if they come through, it is like, I told him, I told them to take it easy on you but I'm not in charge. Chattanooga Jew crew.

Anyway, so I'll be there. Is that the Chattanooga Jew crew? And then land on the 20th. I was riffing over your Huntsville dates. What came after Chattanooga? Say it again, Shaq. Huntsville, Alabama Asheville, North Carolina

all starting from the day this comes out in that order awesome comedy on state next week Madison and the Dawson Eau Claire the plus is fun man and watch the web series Shane is a comedian I have a fun story to tell you about

what did you just call your web series? and I said I pulled my website oh I thought you called your web series something wrong I was going to correct you I apologize for that there we go let's see Comedy Central liked it let's see if they like it enough to give me another bad we've watched most of them in this house

oh there's only three so and we've watched and we've seen two we've seen most of them. One and three quarters. We watched two full ones. We watched Molly Austin. And then we watched your friend Petey.

Yeah. Do you Bray you? Yeah. Debray you. I think it's Bray. I think it's just a Bray. Yeah. He,

uh, he's a cool guy. He says the N word a lot. Why are you, why are your eyes doing that? It's just so funny because he calls me it all the time. He looks so excited. He's like, get on Christmas. He just calls me it all the time and I'm like, okay.

Is that the first person who's ever called it to you regularly? Like with an amount of frequency where I was still... Other than Sean. People are going to turn this off. Oh, fuck me, man. I haven't seen you laugh that hard in my whole life. You had to stop. It was fun watching you throw gummy worms at Molly.

That was cool. I just finished. You're very charming. I just finished. Give me your towel. You're a very charming presence, Shane Torres. Oh, it works. They do the heavy lifting.

What would yours be? My fear? Yeah, if Sean Jordan was going to conquer your fear. Tweet etiquette. Yeah, because we actually sold it to TruTV. It's going to be a game show. Is it proper spacing in a text message? Do we want to talk about all the things you don't do?

I would love to see you go back and forth. I love it too. It's not going to be a back and forth if I hit an ace every time. You can unplug David and I's mic. We'll just watch you play tennis. We did Doug Loves Movies and we got David and I's mic. We'll just watch you play tennis. We did Doug Loves Movies and we got done and Doug's like, you're so nice to everyone else.

Shane's like my brother. I'm going to be mean to him. No, it's not like that. What do you got coming up, David? So go see Shane. He's got a shattering pair of teeth across his face. Are you in Chattanooga all weekend or are you Chattanooga one night?

Chattanooga Wednesday, Huntsville Thursday, Asheville Friday, and the Highland Ballroom in Atlanta on the 23rd. And I'll be in Vegas next month. Are you doing the Cellar Vegas? How many shows? 40 in four days?

Two a night, but it's only 15s. They do a showcase style. You only have to do 15-minute sets? Yeah, two of them. Because they're still running it like a New York club. Oh, okay, okay. But yeah, so you just do twos and then... And man, you don't want to do those 45s in Vegas.

In Vegas? Everyone's out there with a whale bone, pouring other liquor into it like normal people do. But the pools will be back open up. It'll be nice. There's going to be some interesting stuff going on. Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

I might come here after. Come here after. Come here. Avoid Sean. You guys could come for the weekend. When are you in Vegas? What days is it? Dang.

I am there. I'm afraid I'll be in Jolly Old. You might have just... I'm not afraid. When are you in Jolly Old? Broke London. Quite a bit. A lot.

May 22nd through June 10th, if I remember correctly. May 22nd through June 10th, I'm in Jolly Old and then New York. And then I have to go back to Jolly Old shortly after that. I didn't know you had to go back. I'm at the Cellar in Vegas, the 17th through the 23rd of June. Oh, June. I'm at the Blue Room in Springfield, Missouri. Hey, Sean's going to be right here, though, everybody.

I might be in Jolly Old. Damn! I might be in Jolly Old. Well, I don't really do tours. I don't do management. I don't do TV, for sure. So, you know. A lot of stuff. A lot of personal choices I don't really do tours. I don't do management. I don't do TV for sure. So, you know,

a lot of stuff, a lot of personal choices. I'm making things you don't do a lot of personal choices. I'm making over here. Yeah. I don't, I don't go to the gym. You get root canals though.

Come on. I'll fucking. What? Come on. The dental work's going to be for nothing. You keep running your fucking trap. Man. Whoa.

Dog. You got it, man. We got to let this happen. Yeah, I'm not saying... I say we do it for charity. We'll do it for charity. We can book.

How many all-of-fantasy-everything fans, what would you pay to see me box Sean for a charity? $100 cash right now. I feel like a lot of the family would put that out there. It's a positive bunch, though. I'm quicker. You think you are. I know I am.

You forget I was... You're going to make me call upon my training? You broke your foot ten times skateboarding? You're going to make me call upon my training? You broke your foot ten times skateboarding? You're going to make me call upon my training. Don't make him call upon your training. I'm a second degree black belt, Shane Torres. Yeah, yeah, the second degree black belt in Sioux Falls. Stop acting like you trained under a grandmaster in Taiwan. Say that to Larry Hoover's face.

That double dog dare you. I'll say it to Larry Hoover's face. You go to Larry Hoover's... For him and his fucking baggy smoke ring driven eyes. Shane, you go to Larry Hoover's super karate in the Western Mall. You tell him. You tell him to his face. It's called Super Karate.

It is called Super Karate. Do good senseis vacuum their own fucking carpets? It is. It is. To this day, it is called Larry Hoover's Super Karate. And it is bananas. Buck Sam Kong is right down the street. We could go there and get a poppin' right now. Buck Sam

Kong right down the street. What is that? It's a place where I'm going to beat the shit out of you. You keep running your mucking mouth like that. My mucking mouth? I don't like swearing to the listeners. Your biggest issue. David Borey. We've been recording for 40 minutes. We're alright actually. We're moving

pretty good. Pretty decent we're moving pretty decent. The G is silent on Twitter. Hey, hey. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. Yeah, it's me. What do you got coming up? So last minute, I got this gig tomorrow and Saturday. Come see me in Washington, D.C. at the D.C. Draft House.

D.C. David's Club. David's Club. Yeah. Go to my Instagram. I have the ticket link in the bio. It's going to be so much fun. Those draft houses

are sick, dude. Yeah, I'm looking forward and I, you know, I rarely ever get to get to the East Coast, so this is going to be... It's a fun little room. I heard it's a serpentine

draft house. Is that true? I did it last year. It's fun? It's a serpentine draft house? Those two idiots missed it. Yeah, you'll have fun, man. And it's right down the road. Everybody else heard the improv just like right the bookcase

right behind you right above that and you go to the portrait museum see oh i want to go to the museum on there all the museums are free and the portrait museum so you can go see all the uh presidential portraits that were painted and stuff nice yeah so watch out for my instagram and the portrait museum but mostly yeah just come see me. Is this your Emmy nomination certificate? Do you have your Emmy nomination in Manila? Emmy winning certificate? Thank you for helping. Yeah.

I don't understand why they don't... Serpentine Drafthouse. You know what Malloy got? He got an Emmy nomination. He did get an Emmy. No, he won the Emmy. So, do you have an Emmy in here? No. Oh, now you guys are going to fight at Bucks on Kim. Oh, you all fucking against one then two.

All right, let's do it. You can switch rounds where I give a fuck. I would trade it. Well, now Ian and I have to fight to see who gets to go first to beat your fucking ass. I'm extremely wealthy. I don't care about your little fucking trophies. Your fucking late night sets or whatever the fuck you guys are doing. All right?

Oh, yeah. Watch for me on doing. All right? Oh, yeah. Watch for me on Colbert. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Do you know when yet? We don't know when they're going to air it.

But you can say you're going to do it. Yes. Oh, that's awesome. I don't know if I can. We'll see. Oh, fuck it. Who cares? It turns out you can't let us know.

Okay. But. Then we'll play it. That's fucking awesome, dude. Yeah. That's going to be a fun one. That's my first network one. Yeah.

Yeah. Real network. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's very exciting. I don Yeah, it's going to be a fun one. That's my first network one. Yeah, real network one. That's very exciting. I don't do TV. And you've been on there more than that. Oh yeah, a bunch. Were we getting positive all of a sudden? Huh? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess I did do network television when you were nice enough to have us in the

green room and I was on TV. Burped in the microphone. 130 episodes or whatever in, alright? it's the first time i've done it deal with it well i was gonna fart into mine don't no no stop it no don't uh anything else you want to direct people towards jesus christ no that i mean that's really the main thing i'm also going to be you know apr April 23rd headlining the Comedy Works South. You're going to be? Sam Talent.

Yeah. April 26th and 27th. I'm opening for Eric Andre at the Omaha Funny Bone. OfficialDavidBorey.com. Go there, see some merch. I got a calendar. I think my bio's hilarious. I got some videos for you.

And, you know, just listen for my voice. Oh, and May 3rd, I'm going to be on the New Negroes on Comedy Central. Oh, yeah. Open Mike's new show. Watch all the episodes of that show because it's really good. That show's going to be so, so dope.

It's fantastic, and I watched a bunch of them when they recorded them. I like all the comedians on that, but one. Who's that? I'm not going to say. I'm just joking. Is it Moshe Kasher? No, it's not Moshe Kasher. There's really not anyone.

Do you know who's not on it? Sean Jordan. I don't do TV. Yeah, I don't do TV. It's a personal choice I made a long time ago. I was like, I'm never going to be on TV. I think you should host Jeopardy whenever Trebek is done with it. I would do that.

That's the one TV I would do. God, that sucks, man. What about that dude on Jeopardy whenever Trebek is done with it. I would do that. That's the one TV I would do. God, that sucks, man. What about that dude on Jeopardy right now just tearing shit up? You don't care because you're a godless heathen so you don't watch Jeopardy. You get sick when you see Jeopardy and you throw up. I'm really upset that all these books are next to me.

Don't worry. They're all hollow. They all got guns in them. You're already all anxious about worrying about where the sun goes when it gets dark well no because i eat an onion i eat an onion and then everything's fine why are there holes in the sky god's making spaghetti again yeah you know sometimes when you're outside and then the leaves move? What's that about? God's making spaghetti? Well, it's raining in the sunshine and the devil's beating his wife.

That was always the weirdest one to me. That's a funny saying, though. Yeah, it is. I was just like, where did it? On a number of counts, it's weird. I said that the other day in front of a bunch of East Coast people when it was happening outside. In my acting class is when I said it. I feel like those are the least. They all looked at me

and I was like, you've never heard that? And they're like, no, you fucking rube. I don't give a fuck, Desi, if you are going to be in Waitress on Broadway. Ooh, shout out to Desi.

I want to see that. I really want to see that. Yeah, there's like a bunch of, it was like weird that all these people I'd seen, I took this acting class and there were all these people

that were like, I would be like, oh, these are successful working actors who were in the same place as me. Maybe I'll see him at the Tonys. He probably will.

No, dude, Tony doesn't, he doesn't, his girl doesn't like other girls. Oh, shit. Yeah, she's like that. She's the one that told me

there's blood in brown milk. That's what she, brown milk. Chocolate milk. Oh, boy. Cheese and rice, huh? Brown milk, huh? What the fuck is brown milk? Chocolate milk.

Are you nervous? No. Don't get nervous. That really shook me, though. I know you look shook. I've never said that in my whole life. Man, that was ridiculous. Did you guys see Bargatze's bit? I haven't watched it yet. I did. The chocolate milk thing he talked about with his wife.

I don't want to spoil it for you all. I'll watch it later, yeah. But if you're a listener, you know about it. It's a good fucking bit. Yeah, he rules. I bet the whole thing is a good bit. That guy's so fucking funny. He's so funny.

Yeah, he's tremendously talented. My name is Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel across platform, actually. At Ian Carmel on a Jewish Bank of America app. Aren't they all? Well, the big ones. The big ones, I know.

The ones worth knowing. I will be this weekend, when you're listening to this, in Tallahassee, Florida. Yeah, you will. At the motherfucking, uh, the motherfucking Florida State University Club Down Under. Again, tickets will be available that day. I guess there's fucking no website.

This gig is so weird to me. It's so weird. It'll be me and Sean O'Connor and we'll be doing stand-up. Will there be people there? Hopefully. I'm almost 100% sure you'll be able to get tickets. I don't think a bunch of 18-year-old... I don't know. What do people go to florida state to study burglary

chris winkies good seasons going there to study how to get it a bunch of transcript doctoring majors aren't going to be like coming out to see me do stand-up so a bunch of people who are going back to phoenix in four years yeah right exactly yeah yeah after completing their freshman year of college. Well, you know, they transferred from the University of Phoenix. It's all right that they transferred back. I mean, I was a lacrosse major at Ithaca for eight years. I heard about that.

Until I got banned for selling counterfeit canoes. I remember that. Charlie Ward was my roommate. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was my roommate, too. He did two ways. Two play, two ways.

He was my roommate for basketball and yours for football. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Kept his jersey clean. Yeah. I opened up and did stand-up for football. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I opened up. Kept his jersey clean. Yeah. I opened up and did stand up for Rudy's roommate.

Devo or whatever his name is. Oh, did you? I did. Deboos you mean? Huh? No, not. No. Rudy the fucking.

Debop. Debop. Yeah. He sucked, boy. I'll tell you that. He's not a good stand up comedian. No? I will buy that.

Well, Rudy got indicted on fraud. Oh, that's right. Looking like Rudy does fraud does fraud yeah probably thought kodak black was here looking like rudy do fraud uh and then we the dates i know we keep saying this but the dates for the summer are coming together like there are yeah we just started talking about today with the official people so like keep your ears here. The dates will be out soon, for sure. Let's just say we're going to be in Central Park. Let's say we're getting the John Lennon Memorial. Let's just say we're going to get you there.

As a New Yorker, I will not allow it. Let's just say we're going to be... There are always people at that thing playing Beatles songs. I bet. That's kind of cool, actually. I'm going to get real tired of it. Maybe we should go sing a Beatles song there. We should.

I just can't wait to get caught up in Between the Moon and a Big Fat Titty, which is how I always love to sing that song. Caught between the moon and a big fat titty. The best that you can do. A ringtone was born I don't think I have anything else on the books that's it listen to all fantasy everything

watch the late late show of James Corden do it we are gathered here today in the Fortress of Solitude not only to do a quote from the remake movie of Starsky and hutch is that what do it that is where it's from do it do it do it do it do it harm our superstars in that movie i've been listening to lately got to harm our superstar he rips guy yeah yeah um we are gathered here

to fan to fantasy draft that's what we do on this podcast we're gonna do all right fantasy eventually states states you saw it in the you saw it in the description but here i am revealing it like it's new information anyway we're gonna be drafting states now uh to determine the order of today's draft we're going to play a rollicky game of rock paper scissors between the three of you sure now before you do that uh i want to tell you, we throw on three or a shoot. I mean, boy, I shouldn't have eaten that half a sandwich before this. I said bread. I've been eating clean all week, and then I had like a fucking

like a half a croissant and then half a sandwich. Is a sandwich that bad? I don't know. The bread? No. You should have some brown milk. If you go to the gym after. Before. Went before. Then you're probably okay. Yeah, I also walked five miles today. Swole patrol. Maybe go for a nice walk after.

No, you don't tell me what to do. I'm going to tell you what to do. I'll tell you what to do. I'll tell you what to do. Oh, Fist Kitchen? You want to go to Fist Kitchen? Oh, no! Big Pantry's back!

And Luscious Melons? No, Melon Mountain. You can't be that on the nose. This is my girlfriend, Luscious Melons. She got a big old butt. Tell her that I fooled you. This is my girlfriend, Hiked Up Boobies. What were we talking about?

Yeah, we threw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Sean Jordan wins. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Sean Jordan wins! Yeah! Sean Jordan wins. So Sean, it is incumbent upon you as the winner of the rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors to determine upon the order

of today's fantasy draft. Before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft house. It is. Serpentine draft. A serpentine draft? What does that mean? I'm sorry. Excellent question.

I'm surprised you weren't looking it up. Get to it! Now he's going to get to it. 140 episodes in, he's going to get to the point on this. Stammering idiot. I feel like I've explained it to this dumb motherfucker over here. It's kind of like when you're in a grocery store. Can I give an analogy? I got a good one. Yeah!

Wow! It's kind of like when your friend goes on his podcast and reveals a terrible, embarrassing moment about you. And then you text him and say, suck my dick. And then the next week he goes back on the podcast and brings it back up and then tells another

embarrassing story. And it's kind of like that. But then eventually it gets to you and you steal his job and render him useless. Damn! Wow. He just inceptioned it. That time that you were crying in front of Montage, is that what we're talking about? Or is it a different time?

I can't remember what time we're talking about. Between Zach crying and me crying all the time i just i just mix it all up that was a weird night a lot happened that night dog i can't be around any fucking people he got so that was that same night no that was a different night no because that was later when that happened oh okay well i don't know yeah we were you know i caught him and he was upset he was pumped anyway

that's all you had to say would be yeah he was upset how does that you were upset i apologize yeah thank you what that means is you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round all right sean with that knowledge intact inside your cranium uh what will the order of today's draft be david's first david's second i'm third, you're fourth. David. Done. Shane, there's two doors. David, Shane, me. I can throw you out of either of them. No, you couldn't. No, I got juice

in this neighborhood, playboy. You don't do shit to me. I walk down the street, do whatever I want. He's the only guy you can get a swan from in Glendale. You know that? You want to buy a swan, living or dead? For a cat or for meat, you got to go through Sean. He had to kill out two dudes. And this is a big swan city.

Big swan city. Big swan city, dude. That's what they call it. Big swan city, dude. That'd be your swan song. You keep running it. Swan Sean. Swan Jordan.

They kept the gallery. Swan's hungry, dude. You got to go through Swan Jordan. I ran out the gallery last Sunday. I ran out the gallery last Sunday. I rented out the gallery last Sunday. Just me. I don't even know what that entails. Yeah.

I just walked around. I just walked around. Less paperwork than you think. I just walked around. I didn't buy anything. Went to Waffle Jack. Yeah. Yeah.

I just, I was, nobody was working. It's like a waffle store. You know exactly about a waffle. No, no. I'm like, this sounds good. I mean, I was, nobody was working. It's like a waffle store. You know exactly about a waffle. No, no. I'm like, this sounds good. I'm not.

I mean, I get the idea, but tell me more. I got a bacon, mac and cheese. I want to be in this business. Bacon, mac and cheese,

waffle, dude, change your world. Like in the batter or like on top of, no, like a sandwich. Oh, sorry.

So it's like a wrap kind of. Okay. No, it's like a sandwich. It's not a wrap. It's like a wrap, kind of. Okay. No, it's like a sandwich. It's not a wrap. If it was a wrap, I'd have said it was a wrap. There's those moments where you know people listening are going to rewind it and listen over and over again. And that was one of them, you know?

It's that waffle discussion. Yo, they're going to love it. That's a wrap, all right. People are going to be clipping that. They're going to hit that 10-second back button a couple times. Like, why should I listen to all the fans and see everything? Listen to this. that. They're going to hit that 10 second back button a couple times. Why should I listen to All Fantasy or everything? Listen to this. Pretty good waffles.

Split Cider is going to get a hold of it, dude. They're going to go nuts. All right, well then, that's about the order. We're about to get to the draft. What is the order? David Shane and Sean Ian. I was kidding, you get to go. We're about to get to the wrap before we do.

Before we do, let's take a quick break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing. Just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't

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And I think that one made me who I am, but one taught me who I could be. Damn. That's like a line from a movie. One made me who I am, but one told me who I could be. What do they call that when they're advertising a movie

with that line? What's it called? It's called Tagline. He's in rice. No, okay. Losing. You know what? Nah, man.

I have to pick california first fuck yeah i mean i thought you would i thought you would go colorado for sure fuck no what am i i'm not i'm not gonna take it yeah okay no yeah i mean you got it california's ridiculous like because like california is like i feel like I have never been myself more than I have in the time that I've lived in California. And I think a lot of that I owe to like being in a place like San Francisco in a place that like allows you to like really discover who you are. Yeah. And I feel like I wouldn't be where I am like career wise.

I don't feel like I'd be, I wouldn't be anywhere where I am without having moved to California. And I love it here. And like, like I really don't plan on leaving ever. Yeah. If I left California, I'd probably leave the country, you know?

Yeah. It's not my favorite state, but it's the best state. It's man, it's got everything from NorCal to Southern Cal. Well, you look, I mean,

Yosemite, like everything you want in California. Yosemite, like anything you want in California. Yosemite, Zancou chicken. Dude. You know? San Francisco. Northern California is so beautiful. They got wine country up there.

They got wine country up there. And even the central California is nice. And SoCal is like so its own thing. Yeah. And it's got all the climates. And it's got all the physical things So many different cultures So much to do What's your least favorite part of California?

Bakersfield No, Cakersfield Fresno Fresno is gnarly Fresno is gnarly Modesto is pretty buck Stockton is pretty buck Temecula ain't no joke

Temecula is alright no joke that kills all right there's wine country out there oh is that what oh i'm thinking of like something way closer it's not great but there is why but there is i mean obviously there's parts of bad but even the bad parts are still better than some of the better part i just i don't know man i love it here i love the stereotypes of california that are true i love that i can wear shorts to meetings and that i can be five minutes late everywhere and i'm stoned all the time and i understand that that's very off-putting to other people you just said it so elegantly though like yeah i can wear shorts everywhere i'm stoned all the time incredibly irritating

yeah see exactly and that's like because it's the type of person that can deal with that. Cause it's like the structure and whatever of New York to me is irritating. I hate it. I hate it. I hate, I'm like, every time I'm there,

I'm like, calm the fuck down. Like I just, so like just for me and how I'm calibrated, California is like pretty perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Dude,

California is ridiculous. I love blown out surfer dudes. That is like, you go to Venice and it's like a whole different world. I love getting blown by surfer dudes. Crazy turn! Yeah. Let's go to Venice tomorrow. Crazy turn episode 110. What's going on here? I can't go to Venice tomorrow. There's a Portland Trailblazers playoff

game right around 1230. Oh, yeah. The Nuggets game is tonight. Blaze the Nugs. Dang. They're not playing, but the Mavericks aren't in the playoff. They're not. No. But tonight. Blaze the Nugs. Dang, dude. They're not playing, but. The Mavericks aren't in the playoffs. They're not. No, they're not. No. But, you know, the Spurs.

No, they're not. Donchich. Luka Donchich. I had so many times watching Dirk's retirement videos. Oh, so nice. Yeah. He rules. Dirk was tight.

Yeah. California's fucking awesome. Yeah, dude. And it's just, once again, for me, it's the best. Disneyland? Like, I've never even been to Disneyland. It has no bearing on how I feel about yeah but the tacos down here are crazy like yeah i like tacos i like see it's just for me i it's good it's great they're also mad like this

it's cool like there's big communities that haven't been like completely homogenized yet too like an l like if you go to the san gabriel valley that's like real chinese ass shit you know what i mean like if you go to san francisco too yeah there's like thick ass mexican communities yeah it feels like overall the state is pretty open towards foreigners and there's a lot of states that aren't that way in glendale there's billboards in armenian and shit yeah the only other place that happens is armenia yeah a lot of yeah a lot of places don't aren't aren't that it's like it really is a melting pot just because of where it's at and how it's been the whole time so it's just for what i like and what yeah and and it's and it's just like like i said the east coast is just calm down man i can't really move like that. It's just calm down.

Hurricane just hit the East coast. It's which I just can't like every time it's just everybody's tight. It's like, and you can't see, you don't, you can't feel that you're on the earth and parts. So I'm getting real that you're on the earth. I get, I know I get really, I just like, sometimes when I'm in New York and like, especially in Manhattan, you just don't see anything. You're just like,

it's all buildings and people and it's too fucking much for me it stresses me out like driving you don't you don't get stressed i've never seen you stressed once in my life stresses me out that's gnarly the whole everything we can talk about that state later i think it'll come up yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry the redwoods are here you know the redwoods are here like it's just such a big state northern california is incredible dude so beautiful like i was all of yosemite is just bonkers dope yeah like you i mean we saw a bear when i was there it was sick i can love it i think that the best thing is that you can do something of everything here yeah yeah yeah because there's real cities

there's real nightlife you know and there's a bunch of and the the cities have their own personalities yeah and there's real rural areas yeah real rural real rural more than any other state in the country yeah it's like it's what else what else do you want it's all what is it the world's seventh largest economy too or something like that california nuts yeah silicon valley uh excellent pick uh pick? Shane Torres. Shane Torres, I'll give you a first pick. I'm taking South Dakota. Really? And I am barring Sean from it because it's mine.

Damn. We are in a state of police now. Your family can leave. I'm going to let that happen. You better shut your trap. I'm not done. You're talking to the president of South Dakota. I'll come over there and knock your fucking teeth out. No, you won't.

Definitely. Now, you know what? Now, your family can't leave. This is my favorite little boozy song. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I'll make, you know, whoa, the Black Hills. What a treat.

They're not even mountains. They're hills. Kelly Jordan ain't been 50 miles from McKenna Park in like 30 years. She's a good lady. It has nothing to do with her. It's our shitty son. What do you love about South Dakota? Tell me.

I don't love anything about it. I'm going to turn it. I don't know where we're going to put all of our trash. Someone say it already is where we put all of our trash. We're drafting states that you like. No. What are your favorite drafting states? Yeah, like songs that you like, little pussy. I we put it. We're drafting states that you like. No. Yeah, like something you like, little pussy.

I'm team Shane. We're drafting states. You're right. So that fucking trash fire should be 49 states. You're a pick, Ian. Whoa. Damn. What just happened?

Damn. The scene just died. Put it back in the sheet. Sean, how do you feel about this, you don't get fucking south i'm curious i was gonna take it last because i figured i'd get shit on if i took it first yeah well fuck it you can't i mean you know since somebody took it it's one of the best states here it's got mount rushmore it's got the badlands yeah uh tons of tourist attractions the whole west side of the state of tourist attractions your name too is not a ton that That's a South Dakota ton. There's the Cosmos,

which is one of those weird places. We all have the Cosmos. What's the Cosmos? It's like one of those weird places on the earth where you can pour water and it goes uphill.

Oh, yeah. Where you can stand and you're taller than someone and then you switch sides. Oh, I can watch water go uphill? Yeah, it's your state. You cannot change my pick.

This may not be the beautiful land I thought it was. That's some Depression-era entertainment. For a quarter, I'll have to watch the water go uphill. South Dakota's full of things that were cool in the depression. Let's play pick up sticks.

We've carved this mountain into a face. We've had quite a few celebrities come out of South Dakota. Brock Lesnar, Adam Minotieri, January Jones, Shana Baszler, Tom Brokaw, Who the fuck is Shana Baszler? The wrestler. Get some culture, dude. Get some culture. Yeah, I got South Dakota.

New Capital's Watertown. Oh, Timmy Williams, shout out. Yeah, Timmy Williams and Terry Redland from Watertown. Terry Redland's an artist. Of sorts. Fuck you. Man. Well, Sean, is an artist of sorts. Fuck you. Man.

Well, John, it's time for a retribution. I mean, your first pick. Well, I mean, it wasn't going to be South. I thought I was going to get South Dakota at some point, but damn, it's cold-blooded, dude. It's probably the meanest thing you've ever done to me. Well, wait till you see what I do later. And you occupied 30 minutes of my 30th birthday party one time.

I wish you wished for new friends. Well, shit. I guess I'm going to pick Hawaii. Oh, thank God. I wouldn't do you like that. I thought it was going to be a chain reaction. I wouldn't do you like that. I was going to go there, too. I thought it was going to be a chain reaction. I wouldn't do you like that. I was really worried.

I thought it was about to be. I mean, Hawaii was going to be my second pick, but I really thought it was about to get fucking spicy in here. Oh, man. That's how World War I started. You guys know that, right? It was a series of treaties. Yeah, the Archduke.

The Archduke of Oregon. He did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we blew him up. Archduke Ferdinand of Austria. Sean, you been to Hawaii? I haven't, but. What the fuck, man?

Oh my God. What is happening on this show? This is a mockery. Oh, this needs to make sense. This goddamn show. You can put a dreading event in. It always makes sense. I'm going to draft Christmas sandwiches this week or whatever kind of bullshit.

We haven't done Christmas sandwiches, but yeah, if you want to go, sure. Ham with the El Grano potatoes on a roll. That's number one. Number two is probably like a graham cracker with like some, you know, chocolate, maybe a little divinity and some crumbled up candy cane on it. You put those scrambled, you put those mashed sweet potatoes in there. That'd be really good. That'd be a nice Christmas sandwich.

You can make a cookie Christmas sandwich. Latke roast beef sour cream latke. You know,, yeah. In there. That'd be really good. You could make a cookie Christmas sandwich. Latke roast beef sour cream latke. You know, there's one right there. What about a holiday themed sandwich shop? Oh, okay. What's it called? Every day of the year is Christmas. That's a long name.

It's just Christmas themed? I thought it was all holidays. Well, Christmas is the best one. Porkth of July. Porkth of July. Yeah, it's pork. Cubano. Sean, talk to us about Hawaii.

What do you love about Hawaii? It's just a state you haven't ever been within 2,000 miles of. I don't need to have been there. I know it's dope. It's surfing. It's always nice. It's tropical. Yeah, I don't need to go to South Dakota to know it sucks.

You've never been there, have you? No. You have no room to talk right now was there a pickled egg festival i missed probably they're probably gonna renner i bet you they got one why man i could surf uh you don't surf you can surf here I want to surf You can surf

I want to do it in Hawaii I think I like the vibe of Hawaii You think I don't have to have been there to know that Hawaii is amazing I'd like to hear five things you like about it I've never been there Five things I like the surfing

I like the culture What culture The Hawaiian culture What do you mean What are some things you like about it Surfing is part of their culture Five things. I like the surfing. I like the culture. What culture? The Hawaiian culture. What do you mean? What is the thing you like about it? Surfing is part of their culture. They do love Howleys.

Luau's. The big Luau guy. Have you been to a Luau? I'm a big Luau guy. Have you been to a Luau? I'm a big Luau guy. Have you been to a Luau? I've never been to a Luau. Into the question.

Never been to a Luau. You've never been to a Luau. You don't know. They're boring as fuck. I like... Well, they're just pig parties, right? There's a lot of... They're actually pretty entertaining. I like... Well, they're just pig parties, right? Well, there's a lot of... They're actually pretty entertaining.

When I was 14, when I went to one, I was bored out of my mind. Yo, you've been to Hawaii? Several times. I know that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, this guy scubas and everything. Scuba and everything. Oh, I like scuba.

I like scuba diving, boy. He's a scuba. You don't scuba dive either. I bet I like it, though. Can you drive sunsets from there? You don't like the sunsets? I like the sunsets. Name two cities in Hawaii.

Honolulu. And? I think Kauai is an island. Is that even an island? You can't. You said I think Kauai is an island. You're the best now. No, I said Kauai. Kauai is an island. You're the best now. No, I said Kauai.

Kauai as an island. Yeah, that's what I thought. No, I know. Name two of the islands in the Hawaiian island chain. Hawaii and Kauai. Okay. Name the third one. Damn it.

Don't say the big island. I'll fucking hit you. Isn't that Hawaii? That's Hawaii. Yeah, I know. But I thought he would just call it a thing. All right. Yeah, Maui's one of them.

Look at this. I like Maui. That's my fifth thing about Hawaii that I like. Probably not. Oahu, I know, is where Honolulu is. I like Oahu a lot. Waikiki, is that an island or a city? That's a city.

Oh, there's my second city, Waikiki in Honolulu. I did it. Listen, you know I've come on this podcast a lot of times. I've been sad. You're part lot of times. I've been sad. You're part of this podcast. I've been upset at Sean's picks. Name three celebrities from Hawaii. I don't want to get in trouble.

I don't think I can do that. You've been upset before? I've been upset at Sean's picks. I've been angry at Sean's picks. I wanted better for him. I've wanted better for this podcast at times. And do I love too strong? Possibly.

That's true. Could be. But what just happened here today. Yeah. Nearly inexcusable. It's almost there. That was. But it's not, though.

No. It's excusable. I love you. And Hawaii is an amazing place that I've never been to. I'll go there one day, but I could still pick it in favor. We got to go there this year now. I love you. And Hawaii is an amazing place that I've never been to. I'll go there one day, but I could still pick it in favor. We got to go there this year now. I love Hawaii. We sort of have a Maui's awesome.

Lahaina is a fun little resort town on Hawaii. Hana, of course, on Maui as well. Do we have Hawaiian listeners? I'm sure we have people live in Hawaii. Yeah, we must. If you guys tweeted us and we could like fill 100 seats. Yeah, we could do 100 tickets in Hawaii. Yeah, we must. If you guys tweeted us and we could fill a hundred seats, we could do a hundred tickets in Hawaii, we would go to Hawaii. Or if Sixie, you

paid $250. I really don't care about the split. We will fucking come. But if we could move a hundred. You just want to break even? Yeah. I don't even care about that. I just need a break. I'll just go. Yeah, don't they do a comedy festival in Hawaii?

Kauai is a fucking beautiful island. Kauai is amazing. They film Jurassic Park. I just need a break. Don't they do a comedy? Actually, I'll just go. Yeah, don't they do a comedy festival in Hawaii? Or did they not in like a year or something? Hawaii is a fucking beautiful island. Hawaii's amazing. It's where they film Jurassic Park. There's Hanalei there. Shane's favorite movie. Shane's favorite movie, Jurassic Park? You like the remake, though. Guys, we gotta go to Hawaii.

Hanalei is like, it's this fucking crazy city on Hawaii. Well, Puff is from there. Puff the Magic Dragon and Puff Daddy. There's just mountain range in the background that's just like dotted with waterfalls they're just like you're looking at like 19 waterfalls like coming down a mountain it's fucking crazy yeah that's beautiful the diving's amazing the swimming's amazing god the pete like is everybody as beautiful as you think they are well no there's a lot of ugmos too i mean it's pretty average so sean will fit in man i did not mean i didn't mean to be the gary payton on that sean camp Well, no, there's a lot of Ugmos, too. I mean, it's pretty average. Okay, so Sean will fit in.

Damn. Man, I did not mean to. I didn't mean to be the Gary Payton on that Sean Kemp. Right back. I can handle it. My nuts are in your face. Hawaii is fucking beautiful. Yeah, I mean, the people are really nice. There are people who are like, would Blanchett Howley shown up for good reason for colonialism reasons and everything

in certain locations Zach will tell you all about that yeah great friend of mine got beaten to a coma down there damn dude really yeah Jesus I don't know why I'm laughing I'm uncomfortable John's pick was that bad it's also not that expensive you and Laura should take a little

trip out there yeah cause you know you would love the fresh seafood oh no I wouldn't I don't like seafood oh what about the beautiful

I mean they have fresh vegetables oh no I got a meat and cheese sandwich in there thank you Shane you like fruit yeah

alright cool I'm trying with vegetables man I know you guys see me I literally brought you a sandwich you were like

just meat and cheese today two hours ago top when we go to dinner tonight I'll try you a sandwich and you were like, just meat and cheese. Today. Two hours ago, top. When we go to dinner tonight, I'll try any. I had shrimp last week, dude. Oh my God. I'm done with it. That was the last time. You're done with shrimp?

I was done with it when I picked it up. What was the type of shrimp you had? I don't know. It was big at the Korean barbecue place. Let's try to crack you off a crab leg tonight. See what you feel about that. I've had crab leg. I pretty much just had butter when I had a crab leg tonight. See what you feel about that. I've had crab leg. It was all right. I pretty much just had butter when I had a crab leg.

Right? Yeah. That seems like something you'd like. I like butter. But it also tastes like the ocean, but that's why it's good. I was in Philly like a week and a half ago. I went to this place called Monk's. They have mussels.

They do late night mussels. Oh, my God. Late night mussels, dude. Yeah. Sitting right here, dude. Last time you were in town, I had some oysters with you that were incredible. Where did we go? Oh, yeah. We went to ETA.

Yeah, it was a good spot. Ian, what's your pick? Great question. Is it a place that you have been to before? Yeah, it sure is. If it's not, you know. All other places I've been, I didn't realize. I don't want to give you too much shit because you did allow me to draft my favorite state.

It was hard to do. I wanted to. So I appreciate that. That is my second favorite state. I wish you would have picked somewhere you've been. I have other ones on my list that I haven't been to. How many do you... Just be happy we're not drafting books.

It'd be a... Shame on the dirt. Perfect five rounds. perfect perfect sniper rifling yeah 140 episodes yeah I think it's 100%

I was commenting on the accuracy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that I'm reading. You can put them in your bag and say you're reading them. Doesn't mean you're reading them. I've never seen you in my bag and throw you in a goddamn river. Fill it with cement. Oregon. I pick Oregon.

Oregon. Or something you call it Oregon. Yeah. But don't you let me catch you saying that. Most of my family. How's Oregon? It's wild to me. I'll tell your skeleton and slap you with it. Tear out. What's your favorite? What's your favorite?

Trail. Dave's karate studio in Tannis for the dojo. I took over when I was 14. I love Portland. I mean, Portland, the most, obviously, if I had to get specific South East Portland side of Portland,

outside of the natural beauty in Beaverton, uh,. All the natural beauty in Oregon. Beaverton. Of all the natural beauty in Oregon, that's kind of what I meant. The Oregon coast for sure. The Oregon coast is a ridiculous... It's fucking crazy. It's magic.

And the drive out on 26 even is just... Also very beautiful. You know what I love about the drive out when you go past that weird wetland with all the dead trees that are surrounded by water but have been there like since i was a kid it looks like the opening credits of true detective season one yeah yeah or like where that where that like a horse would drown there you know what i mean i like the tillamook factory that's what i like i've been there too god dude squeaky cheese oh those fresh

curds man i like it when you're getting out to the coast and you can start to smell the uh oh the cow yeah yeah yeah i love the way the ocean you come around the bend on 26 and you're like fuck that's the biggest thing i've ever seen it yeah massive you smell the cows before you smell the ocean and then you smell the ocean uh but it's fuck it's the oregon coast people don't know about it maybe we shouldn't tell them but it's like yeah it isn't blown out or anything. Well, you know, they don't allow us, they're not allowing a massive highway to be built out to it. Good.

Yeah. And you can't, Oregon is one of those states where you can't, and I think California is too, where you can't own the beach. So the beach is open to everybody. Oh, that's awesome. It's all public. You can't do that, which is great. It's just so dramatic.

It's like a fun, it's fun when it's hot, but it's really fun when it's cold and rainy and stormy which is great um it's just so dramatic it's like a fun cold it's fun when it's hot but it's really fun when it's cold and rainy and stormy yeah it's beautiful it's like mountains going around into the ocean yeah it's green it's lush it's perfect it's beautiful and that's just one part of oregon crater lake will make you think your eyes aren't working right still never blows your fucking mind blows your mind it's like bright blue it's crazy looking yeah i've never seen that blue in like nature before like it is like the reflection is It kind of blows your fucking mind. It blows your mind. It's like bright blue. It's crazy looking. You've never seen that blue in nature before. The reflection is like looking into a standing mirror.

But a blue, it's fucking crazy. It's so gorgeous. There's like snow around it in like June. It's a wild place. How do you get there? Do you have to hike up into it? No, you can drive up in there, I think. How far is that from Portland? It's like a five-hour trip.

Oh, that's going to save you. Four hours, maybe. Even Eastern Oregon is beautiful. Eastern Oregon, it's like... The high desert. Yeah. And the sisters and all that. You're in a mountain rain shadow when you go on the other side of Mount Hood.

So it's like, yeah, it's high desert, but it's beautiful. And then the gorge. God, the gorge is beautiful. The gorge is beautiful. The whole thing. That was when I was driving from Sioux Falls when I was like, oh my God, I fucking live here. This is where I live? Yeah. I was driving by those falls Falls when I was like, oh my god, I fucking live here. This is where I live? Just driving by those falls?

I've never seen anything like that. Sioux Falls are big, you know, because you picked South Dakota. The Sioux Falls are big. Not as big as the Seven Sisters. In Hawaii, yeah. The Seven Pools, I think that's what they're called, actually. Yeah, you know about that. I'm sorry, I messed it up because I didn't drive Hawaii.

Sean surfs. Sean does, yeah. In between surf sessions, he's always looking at facts about Hawaii books. In between surfs. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm reading up on facts about Hawaii. I can't go to the movie. Facts only.

Yeah, man. Oregon. Ashland is fucking awesome. Southern Oregon's really beautiful in like the Rogue River Valley down there. And you don't have to pump your own gas And you don't have to pump your own gas You don't have to pump your own gas We have no sales tax We make the best Pinot Noir in the country

Portland is full of like amazing restaurants The best bars The best stand up comedians Other than David Borey come from Oregon Yeah yeah Canards is there Duck stack The Blazers rip Damian Lillard is probably the best person in the NBA Yeah, yay. Canards is there. The fucking duck stack, yo.

The blazers rip. Damian Lillard is probably the best person in the NBA. Yeah. Now that Dirk's retired. Yeah. A German could never be the best person in that. No. He was engineered to be. So we're goingregon yeah with uh my first pick and with my second pick

oh it's tricky isn't it now it's starting to get a little tricky isn't it that's what i felt when i was doing this i only love like three states well i love so many of them i mean i got varying degrees i got some second tears. It's a real toss-up. I'm going to take the one that went blue. Don't say Idaho. Don't say Idaho. I'm going to take New York. Nice.

Yeah. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing you can't do. Here is a New York. New York. New York. New York. York New York Made a Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can

Well I'm a cripple but I still bleed blue Well alright let's just have that be the end of that I'll suffer your other impressions Jay-Z's my hero I didn't try to do an impression of Jay-Z I couldn't do that Yellow cab

Gypsy cab Dollar cab Hollaback That's Jay-Z to do an impression of jay-z i couldn't do that yellow cab gypsy cab dollar cab holla back that's jay-z not a crypto i still bleed blue but i still bleed blue though uh new york city's fucking amazing obviously the carmels would not exist without new york yeah that's where my family immigrated to it's where ivan carmel came up first on coney island somebody asked me about him the other day yeah well like they were like i was like in a meeting well can they listen to the pod they listen to the pod okay and i was with it was uh over here in eagle rock and i was like oh my buddies

live down the way and they're like who and they're like i was like oh and oh, Ian Carmel. And he was like, oh, this is the podcast. Hey, if he's from Oregon, why does he have such a thick New York, like East Coast accent? I was like, Ivan. He goes, oh, yeah, what's he like? And I just started laughing. He's a firehose. I was like, he's the most Coney Island, Brooklyn guy you've ever met in your life.

He is. He's two scoops. And Stefan Marbury. Sebastian Telfast. Stefan Marbury. Ivan Carmel. And Nathan. He's two scoops. Stefan Marbury. Sebastian Telfast. Stefan Marbury. Ivan Carmel. Nathan from Nathan's Hot Dogs. I want to walk into an Italian restaurant with those dudes at a booth. Those four, they're playing Bure.

On a red and white tablecloth. Bring me more Spumoni. Ivan Carmel's asking Stefan about his face tattoo. And for free tickets. I'm actually going to be in Guangdao next week if I can get tickets to your next game. Yeah, dude.

When I go there, I mean, when I go to New York, I'm always, like, going 90 miles an hour. You know, you're doing, like, four shows a night, and you're, like, staying an hour. You know, you're doing like four shows a night and you're like staying in some weird place and you're like walking and taking the subway. So it always like whips my shit. Like by the time I leave, I like have a cold and my lips are chapped. And that could be like in July, you know, but like, so like living there, I imagine you don't go that hard, but like, I don't know. I, I, the lifestyle would be tough, but like the people who come from there, I earnestly enjoy. Yeah, I like a lot of New Yorkers for sure.

I like people who like are direct, you know? Like I really prefer that when people are just going, just like be like direct and open and honest and get to like what you actually want. Right. And I realize, like as I've gotten to like know more people and even like through going to therapy and stuff, I've realized like not everybody's like that. In fact, like most people aren't like that. Most people are not assertive enough. No. That is something you learn to do when you live there too.

Even if you're like, you can still be polite. Yes. I think being assertive is polite. I've been trying to work on that. You can be direct and assertive and still be nice. Yeah, yeah, and respectful. That's one thing in my life I've been trying to work on because I'm horrible at it.

Horrible at it. And because I always think that I'm being rude if I, just any time, if I'm any kind of assertive, and I'm like, that's not, because I like it when people do that. Yeah. To the point. I just, yeah.

I'm definitely trying to work on that. It's fucking hard, man. It's tough. Yeah. I mean, it's not for me. I'm like, was raised like that. You know what I mean? But like.

I was not. Holy buckets. Kelly Jordan apologizes for everything. so does her son i genuinely enjoy living there i bet you've wanted it since but like i like to be busy and it's a busy place yeah right like everybody's trying to do something or most people act like they're doing something and a lot of people are actually trying to work hard and do stuff there. I've only been there once, but it was super dope. Yeah, but with community transport. Yeah, that's one thing.

God. I respect the shit out of it. There was a way to get to the airport, huh? God, wouldn't that be tight? Oh, boy. I mean, and I will say, I feel like I was shitting on it earlier. I think I'm just from the West,

so that's my comfort zone. I mean, me too. Whenever I'm in New York, I'm also in awe of it and this is like i get why like people don't want to live in it yeah it's like a testament but even like upstate new york when it's nice when the weather oh yeah it's beautiful yeah tons of hiking trails tons of waterfalls it does look like i've been to upstate a few times and it always like but only in like the summertime and it is it's so beautiful it's so green up there it's lovely like in like Oregon it's like

that type of green up there it's more uh the trees lose their leaves still saw confederate flags though which was a weird you see them in Oregon the two places where it's like huh you guys are pretty tucked away up here also that's you're knee deep in the winning side.

Especially upstate New York. That's what you guys are known for, Yankees. Yeah, we don't like you. But New York City's fucking amazing. It's unparalleled. Yeah, it's wild. I remember I was there, we were there for the Grammys last year, and we like some late night and like went out to like some bar or

whatever and like i was like you know a little like in my bag a little bit and walking home with like my headphones in i remember talking about yeah those are nice those are nice when it was like kind of there weren't a ton of people out and i was like walking like back to my hotel and i was like this is fucking beautiful you know walking through manhattan it's just it's amazing made it and like the thing is like you're in a place where everybody's hyper competitive yeah and you're at the top of the chain like yeah walking through something like you do feel like you've done something you do yeah that makes sense i was supposed to think that everybody wanted to be at that night right which was in a city that like calls itself the capital of the world yeah yeah I was trying to take the train to the Newark airport.

I was with you. You were trying to explain it to me. I was very in my bag. And I was like, well, I'm just going to go take the train. And I start walking in Union Station or wherever the trains are. Is that where you would take the subway? There are so many train stations. Well, a train station.

And I get down. It's real dark, but it's open. And there's a cop looking at me. I looked at him, and I kept going. And he's like, oh, what are you doing? And doing i was like i told me to go down there he goes no he couldn't he was shocked that i was even in it because i don't know i don't know what was going on down there but nothing that a drunk idiot should have been it was something because he was just like no no no no he's like when Ushered me outside, and I was like, okay. And then I paid $80 for a cab that I didn't have.

I couldn't pay the fucking, or it was a Lyft or Uber, but I couldn't pay it. I just had to let it sit there and let my account go negative. Oh, such a bummer. But New York ripped. I did have a good time. Also, though, I will say, I've only ever been there butt-ass broke. Really? It's a better city with money.

Oh, so when you have money. Yeah, so I imagine, because like. Because there's's not nothing there's everything you want to buy is there because but whenever i go there i'm just like i'm bleeding money and i'm stressed about it yeah like the whole time i'm there you're right i took the train out for a fixed menu dinner the other the last time i was there three times or whenever i was there when we did a little bit ago yeah yeah i went what you steven that's like that stuff the fancy stuff is great but my buddy kunal who's from uh queens uh he was like the other day he was like you want to have a queen's day and i was like what does that mean he's like i'm gonna come pick you up and at 10 o'clock we went and got foot massages bath massages 25 for an hour

and we got dumplings at two different places yeah and then he was like yeah yeah, this is where our bookie used to be and all this kind of like, and then went back home, did four spots that night. Wow. What a New York day. That is a New York ass day. In a New York minute. Woo. Nice.

Nice. Pretty great. John, time for your second pick. Well, I'll pick a state that I've been to. Hey. I'm going to pick Minnesota I love Minnesota I love the seasons

Cold like Minnesota I like everything about Minnesota I like up north, the gnarly terrible winter country I love it, that's something I'm learning about myself is I like winter It took me a long time to admit that Well, it's coming

It's here if you listen I like winter. It took me a long time to admit that. Well, it's coming. It's here if you're all caught up. As I look at the sunny sky, it's gorgeous here. I like winter. I almost like that kind of weather more. I don't. It is crazy. Some people just like that shit.

I love the idea of it. I actually like it. You also want the aesthetic of it tonight. That's true. But like 16 degrees and shit like, yeah, I like that, but I'm talking like 40 degrees. I grew up in that.

Yeah. But like with tons of snow around, well, like 30, like 30 degrees feet of snow. I just like that stuff. I don't like it all the time, which is why Minnesota is dope.

Cause they have all the seasons. They have a very defined, right? Which is fantastic. That's always been one of my favorite things to get each season. Yeah. I don't like it all the time, which is why Minnesota's dope. Cause they have all the seasons. They have a very defined, right. Which is fantastic. That's always been one of my favorite things to get each season. Yeah. That's fully like they'll have 110 degree humid ass days. And then I don't like this,

but like negative 10 days where you're like, okay, all right. I just like it. It helps to like, it helps with the passage of time. That's true. For sure.

That's one difficult thing about Los Angeles for me. You can never tell. Yeah. I'm like, am I 29? Yeah. No. I should get a tramp stamp. A tramp stamp.

I like going into the tattoo calling it a tramp stamp. Yeah. Hey, put your nasty little mark on me. I know. We both know what this is give me the tramp stamp go back and get the first one hey why don't you put put a tramp stamp on my lower back i like everything about minneapolis like my favorite city in the whole world yeah yeah everything about it the skateboarding uh the hip-hop everything it's a healthy city it's a lot like portland yeah so

since i couldn't pick like o Oregon is like Minnesota in that way. Like there's tons of rural areas. Better. It is better. It is better. It is better. It's got a coast. Yeah, it does have a coast.

Minnesota does no it. They do have 10,000 lakes though. 10,000 lakes. Prince. Lizzo's real tight. Lizzo's from Minneapolis. Bob Dylan. Bobby Dylan.

I didn't know that. Oh yeah. He's from Minnesota, yeah. Yeah. I just love Minnesota. Randy Moss' glory days. You know, Kirby Puckett. Warren Moon.

Warren Moon. Warren Moon's from Minnesota? No, he played there. He played for the Vikings. Did he? I thought he played for the Vikings, too. He played for the Oilers for a while. Yeah, he was an Oiler and a Viking.

He was like last minute. He was on the seas. That's all you need to know about him. Don't ask any further questions. He was out there. Yeah, I just like Minnesota. I like the north-ass woods you can get up in. You've been up there? Yeah. Yeah't ask me any further questions. He was out there. Yeah, I just like Minnesota. I like the north-ass woods you can get up in. You've been up there?

Yeah. We used to have... I had a taekwondo tournament in Bemidji one time. What are you saying to me? I had a taekwondo tournament in Bemidji and my mom... I don't know how we learned taekwondo in my state. We don't teach that. Oh, wow. Yeah, they don't teach much in your fucking dickweed state. I know you're going to pick it next. He's talking about

South Dakota oh shit back to Minnesota we went to a Taekwondo tournament in Bemidji which is right next to Canada they should have to change the name of that city I'm sorry it was a good run you got away with it for 200 years

maybe it is an American Indian name maybe it is and if it is I Maybe it is, and if it is, I'm sorry. I apologize. But if it's Swedish, or if it was just some guy's name, it's over. Say what? Matawaska, Maine. Matawaska? Is that a name different from Matawaska,

Polish guy or something like that? It's named after a plumbing company. Matawaska plumbing. I got a couple vans now. We're calling it a fleet. It's good. You plumbing company, though. Manawaska Plumbing. I got a couple vans now. We're calling it a fleet. It's good. It's good. You got to change it.

You got to be like, I don't know, like Elk Forest or like Blue Hill or whatever. I don't know. But just Bemidji. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. Or Ian Carmel, Minnesota. I mean, whatever. There's a lot of options.

But Bemidji. How do you take it? So There's a lot of options. But Bemidji. How do you take it? So, hi, I'm the mayor of Bemidji. I like how you just canceled your name. Mayor Bemidji. Mayor Bemidji. No, no, no. Open up.

It's the Bemidji State Police or Bemidji Police Department. Oh, no, it's the BPD. No. All right. All right, fine. You're right. Sorry. We'll go.

I watched you on my son pulling his Bemidji the other day. I'm a longshoreman for the Bemidji local 432. No, man. You're out of the guild. Bemidji State University is real, right? It might be. Just on site, I wouldn't hire someone. Hey, how's Chris?

Oh, he married a Bemidji girl. Grandma's not excited. But yeah, Minnesota is awesome. Yeah, Minnesota awesome Minnesota real estate I mean I love Minneapolis I haven't seen the rest of it but I trust you Shane Torres time for your second pick Jesus Christ for my second pick

I am going to take states of undress no I have some on my mind I am going to take states of undress no I have some on mine I have some wild shit on mine yes yes you said states you didn't say what kind of states you specifically did not

I never put the hammer down the hammer is going down the hammer has hit the fucking the devil has hit the desk we're not taking We're not doing that cute shit No, we're taking fucking 20 of the 50 American states

We're doing it I'm sorry I'm sorry I thought about doing my massage this morning and it made me angry so I had to stop thinking about it That's it You're taking a state of the union massage this morning and it made me angry, so I had to stop thinking about it. That's it.

David's going to pick something. I was going to. I didn't think you would do it, but this guy's a fucking wild card. I guess you both are. Oh, man, yeah. That was hilarious. Yeah, what state of the union would you be like to be naked in?

I'll let you pick that. States of undress. I'll tell you which union would you be like to be naked in? I'll let you pick that. States of undress. Tell you which one I wouldn't like to be naked in. Bemidji. No one's ever been naked there. Absolutely not. They just have power sex through their underwear. No, I'm not going to let you pick it.

No, we're not taking states of undress. Thank you. You did bring me a sandwich. I love you so much. I'm covering dinner tonight. But what I will not not taking states of undress. Thank you. You did bring me a sandwich. I love you so much. I'm covering dinner tonight, but what I will not allow is states of undress. Not in this home, and certainly not if we were doing a head gump.

You better thank your lucky stars you didn't do that in front of Marissa. She would have to see Ian get like this. I don't want her to see me like that. I may have adapted this tone in one email and I apologize for it. What about New York State of Mind? Great song.

Great song. If you would not fucking want to pick South Dakota, you could have had it. What about Paralytic State? What is that? These are all of his picks that he's getting out that he can't pick. I would like to state my opinion. You can. You can state your pick, too.

Of course, I'm going to take the great state of Colorado. Everybody's getting burned down. Damn, David. I could see it in his eyes, man. Colorado's amazing. I fucking knew when you swang back to you, you were going to do some foul shit. I knew somebody was going to get away with one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all depending on the order.

I'm a survivor. Colorado's amazing. I love Colorado. Yeah, it is with one. Me, of course. I'm a survivor. Colorado is amazing. I love Colorado. Great people. Great everything. My only criticism of the Colorado people, I think we got to calm down a little bit. We go...

We go so fucking hard. The West has been won. Yeah. I didn't even know how hard we went until I moved to California. fucking hard. Like the West has been one, you know? Yeah. Like, like I didn't even know how hard we went until I moved to California. People were like, stop yelling. Colorado goes so hard.

We go like on, on, on everything. It's just on everything we do. We just fucking, every time I'm back there, Adam, Kate and the home to be like Denver,

man, it's a lot like Portland. I'm like, it's not a lot like Portland. You guys are fucking maniacs how do you think they're maniacs i'm fucking rowdy bro they're rowdy there's fights all there's guns frat was telling me that he'd like honked at a dude on a motorcycle maybe it's adam one of them he honked at a dude the dude just pulled up a shirt and showed him a gun and

started laughing yeah a motorcycle or uh shot my friend in high school like it's just people are just really fun like that whole whatever the west is and like that i that mentality is but like just like the the idea it's the west and like you do it's all the things that i love boys man yeah it's like all the things i love about colorado but that mentality is in there well it is full i just think it's still i just think it's pretty it is beautiful it's extremely pretty it's and denver's amazing fire that's where wyatt erp is buried yeah damn skippy wild bill denver's this is the i i hesitate to even say this on the podcast i love i love denver I love Colorado. I like, actually, I like Denver. I love Denver. I love so many people from Denver.

I love so many people from Denver. Denver itself. And I think my mind has been polluted by Adam Cain Holland telling me it's so much like Portland. So every time I go there, I search for that Portland feeling. And I'm just like, it's just not, this is not, you know what it is? It's not in Denver. Like, it's like, like it's got an Oregon feeling. I think cause like, I guess maybe Boulder, but like not, that's another kind of, but like let's let Denver be its own thing. Yeah. That's what I was going to say is like, I feel like people always Adam Cain on by the King of Denver, by the way, it means King of Denver. Fuck it. I bet his Denver is like i feel like people always shout out adam kate hall by the way i'm not dragging him king of denver by any means king of denver fucking i

bet his denver is like portland yeah he's got such high tastes and such a he's just a he's fucking awesome yeah he's great he moves around oh his book is great his book is amazing he's such a good writer i wish i read i don't read i have his book if you want to read it i don't read man i don't do tv i don't read no management a lot of things choices choices I don't read. I have his book if you want to read it. I don't do TV. I don't read. No management. A lot of things. Choices. You don't have South Dakota either. Nope. Yoda?

Colorado. It was going to be my next pick. It allows you to be that. When you're in Colorado, you can be... We've had some fucking fun. When you're in Colorado, you can be right like i don't know man they just we've had some fucking fun when you're in colorado you can be kind of drunk you can be super drunk you can be very drunk there's all kinds of different drunk you can be yeah i mean you just gotta

handle your shit though and then you can kind of do whatever you want out there like if you're like and one of the funnest comedy festivals oh my god high blends oh just the comedy there in general is the crowds are so great a certain podcast might be somebody who is gonna be there no hold on i'm gonna be there at comedy work south april 23rd i'll be there at my place i got the offer oh yeah are you gonna do it yeah yeah actually you guys are getting yeah thirty thousand dollars we told them told them I guess that's why we can't say it I don't want to say it but if we do end up going

you will not be there you will not be there okay well I guess you're not going to be there because I am going well we haven't actually confirmed I mean between our three prestigious stand-up talents

and then the podcast itself is there a fourth is there a fourth host because then you're not including Sean in the three prestigious stand-up talents yeah no they're... You don't do TV. I don't read...

Underground, Fugazi. Well, Colorado. What do you like about it? That it's pretty? I do. I actually enjoy the people there. The people are great. That's what I'm saying. There are clearly some Looney T'm saying there are like clearly some like

looney tunes out there but like you could be looney tunes out there too yeah i'm looney but that's everywhere but like the general vibe and i'm speaking primarily of denver is this is nice and people are sweet people help you i like western wear i wear a lot of those shirts that's true you do you really do that was the most truth you've ever spoken. That's not true. You got to go to the Grizzly Rose next time. Oh, the Grizzled Rose, dude? Yeah.

The Grizzly Rose is... All the girls used to go in high school and get hit on by old cowboys. That's what the Grizzly Rose is. You're an old cowboy. Get in there. Adam's going to shit his pants that you just brought up the Grizzled Rose, dude. That place is gnarly. Our friend Phil, Ride's boy, used to ride bulls. God, he's so buck but he got knocked out there no he used to go he used to like

let's go down to the grizzly it's like go there and hang out with this cowboy buddy it's a weird i've been there like twice it's not for me but it's like that's a weird scene you know i heard sam elliott order a drink there one time what What did he order? Take a Chablis. You know how much Chablis? I guess. Well, what kind of white wines do you have? We have. You know what?

Forget it. I'll just have a sparkling water with a twist of lime in there. Y'all got any cocktail onions? Maybe. I'm going to have to go check. I don't know what a cocktail is. I don't deal in uncertainty, son. This bit's going really weird.

It's not bad. It's just real weird. I don't know what a cocktail is. He hasn't taken any improv classes. I don't know how to do any of that. He said yes, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to know,

for that bit, I need to know kinds of white wine. White Zin. We have a white Zinfandel, sir. I swear to God. If you don't march your ass back into that kitchen, grab me a bottle of your finest white Zinfandel, sir. I swear to God. If you don't march your ass back into that kitchen, grab me a bottle of your finest white Zinfandel, come out here, cork it, pour me a small amount,

let me taste it, swirl it around the glass, taste it again, nod at you as if to indicate that that wine is fine, and then pour it into my glass. I will end you. I'm going to grab you some Hanes while I'm back. Thank you. Colorado. Colorado.

The color red. Yeah, Colorado's dope, dude. I love you guys, Colorado, too, by the way. David, time to find out your second and third states. Damn, this is where it gets weird. Yeah. See, this is why we don't want to get too cute, because then we could be like, you know,

like stay to play the documentary or whatever. Yeah. That's why we don't want to get too cute. We don't want the podcast to drag on. I want it to be hard. All right. I mean, this next one is fucking. I feel like I've talked about it a little bit on the podcast.

There's just something about this place that speaks to me. I like how lonely it is. I like how beautiful it is. It's sundown and sunrise. I like how far away it is from everything. Shane already picks out the Cody kids. Fucking Arizona, man. Wow.

The desert's got a weird, weird. I've never really. I don't know how to explain it. If it calls to you, it calls to you. It's my favorite state to drive through. It's like. Great sunsets. The desert does not call to me.

Just something about it. I like how far away it makes me feel. Makes me feel far away. Does that make sense? Yes. Yeah. Like sundown in Arizona. Like I just feel.

You know who would agree with you? Ivan Carmel. Oh yeah? Owns a home in Arizona. Okay. Yeah. What? Oh yeah. I just feel like. You know who would agree with you? Ivan Carmel. Oh, yeah? Owns a home in Arizona. Okay. What? Oh, yeah. I didn't.

It's got a pool, too. Many layers. You can VRBO it, too, by the way. If you listeners want to go stay in Arizona, if you want to stay in Ivan Carmel's palatial estate, there's a pool and everything. That's going to be their mecca now. He'll rent it to you.

What city? It's outside of Phoenix, but pretty outside. Like, it's out in the desert mountains and stuff. Yeah, going to be their mecca now. He'll rent it to you. What city? It's outside of Phoenix, but pretty outside. Like, it's out in the desert mountains and stuff. Yeah, that's pretty cool. You could really put some money in your dad's bank account, right?

You know, like some weirdos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check out his law degree. Just know he's got a Roscoe. He's got a Roscoe. That means whatever you want it to. Whatever you need it to mean. Whatever you see.

You know, the Virgin Mary shows. Whatever you need it to mean. Whatever you say. You know, the Virgin Mary shows up. Whatever you need it to mean. But yeah, man, Arizona, there's something I've always like, you know, in my head, in the back of my mind, I always just have this idea of like, I would like in the Arizona mountains, just like a huge estate. Yeah. And I just like, I'm wearing turquoise and smoking mad weed. I would love if you started wearing some turquoise, man.

Good color for you. See? And I get like a four-wheeler. I stop driving cars. I start driving cars and then I stop driving cars. And then like I just ride around on a four-wheeler with my blanket on the back and my fishing pole wrapped in the blanket. Arizona is one of those states where the cities aren't the appealing thing. Yeah, exactly.

I don't give a shit about Phoenix or Flagstaff really at all. When you're in Phoenix, it even feels spread out. Phoenix is so spread out. Yeah. It's also because I think from living in Elizabeth for so long, the older I get, the more I'm starting to realize how much I value in a place

space and being able to have your own space or whatever. And it seems like atlanta or arizona seems like a place you could go and still just buy a mess of land and kind of like drive into town sometimes and just like yeah you know live like that when you walk in when you walk into a store you're taking gloves out of your back pocket yeah yeah and everything is like there's a pool and everything is ac so when it gets that hot it's totally set up for you to be able to deal with that yeah you know what i mean because it does get so hot but it's like

it is one of every car's got ac everywhere you walk into is bone cold every house has got a system everybody's got a pool so it's like it is one of the few states where like you make an interesting point where the cities are not yeah one of the things you really give a shit about in it and it's like still fairly cheap to buy like a big crib out there there's like 19 million people there yeah it's like you live i mean you live way outside you can fly out of phoenix or something if you got to go to la or new york all the time yeah sky harbor i've never eaten that that's what uh canane was telling somebody has a joke that that's how dumb phoenix, is that they named their city airport, airport, their airport, airport, airport.

He's like sky, sky, air, port, harbor. He's like, you named your airport, airport, airport. I know I've said this before, but Smith one time told us there were 17 million people that lived in Phoenix, which is painfully untrue. And as we were looking it up, he was like, well, alright, $15 million. And we're like, nope, still looking it up. And he's like, alright, $13 million. And he kept going down. And then we got to $7.2 million. And he goes,

alright, so $8. And we're like, no! $7, dude! You fucking jamoke. That's what I said. I said it with my fist. Who's next? Ken Fist Kitchen. Or was it Terry Fist Kitchen? Was it Ken? Are you okay? Are you stro was it Terry Fist Kitchen? Was it Ken? Are you okay?

Are you stroking out? Was it Terry? Was it Ken? What are you doing? I forgot what it was. Burr, burr, burr, Barry Darrison. It's David's third pick. Hebe, hebe.

So, my third pick. It's so hard once you get out of your main lane. It's more fun that way. But like, okay, Okay, this is one. I've only driven through and gigged three times. Giggle maggies. In the nine years. You should take

Shane's state and just stick it back to him. I don't like that state that much. Now I am taking states of undress. It's so big. No, you're not. i'll strike it from the record uh and like the time i've only been there in spring and summer granted so like obviously their winters are known to go hard but the people there i've always really responded to i like i like their food style uh it's just it's green i'm picking wisconsin oh yeah

it's like I just have always it's clean it's clean as fuck I love Wisconsin I've always had every time I've been there I've had a really great time one time I

whoa he said he said came in a stranger Jesus Christ Dean come on my mom listens to this thing right in her fist kitchen

you didn't say it I said it okay that's fair. Mom. She's not a stranger to everybody. Let's be honest. She has people who love her. You knew your boy was raw dog.

You know, I smoke it to the filter, Mom. I have done some stuff in Wisconsin. Yeah. I broke my foot in Wisconsin. I lied about it in Wisconsin. You just covered the mic and said, came in a stranger. Yeah.

A rolled up Alt Weekly from Seattle, though. That's what he came in to. Yeah, no. I've always just. Came in a stranger a rolled up new uh alt weekly from seattle though that's what he came into i uh yeah no i've always just came in the stranger everybody listening the stranger is the name of a an alt weekly in seattle just came all over the people's republic of comedy and i rolled one up and did my business in it. Wisconsin's tight. I've only ever been to Madison, but I love it. Milwaukee's a great town. Oh, I hear that. Appleton, Green Bay, they're all tight.

I know some awesome people from Wisconsin. Oh, yeah. A lot of the people I've met. Shout out to my, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Go ahead. No, please. No, I was just saying, a lot of the people I've met have been really cool. The crowds have been really cool.

I don't know, man. It's real pretty. It's real, real pretty. I love Wisconsin. I love Culver's. I don't know man and it's just it's real pretty it's real real pretty i love wisconsin i love culvers like i don't know if that is i don't know if it's based there or whatever but it just feels like yeah it feels like mentioning i just want to shout out lawrence die who's one of our writers on the late late show who's from wisconsin nice he's fucking rad uh and he just watched 67 hours oh that was the dude on straight damn or 67 episodes of it holy lord for the show but he's fucking he's awesome in general shout out larry die gosh that's crazy yeah shout out joanne shinderly nate craig nate craig um no no we're just

yannis on tentacumpa a lot of good skateboarders man dave mayhewhew, Aaron Snyder, Tyron Olson, I think is from there. Who? Greg Lutzka, Tyron Olson. T-Bone. Nah? You know the other one? What? I don't know any of those people, actually. Dave Mayhew has a skate shop in Madison. Yeah.

Bon Iver. Bon Iver, that's right. Yeah. He's from the Bayhawks. What? I didn't know that. Yeah, he's from Eau Claire. Kendall Gill?

Kendall Gill? Kendall Gill? Kendall Gill. I had a Kendall Gill jersey. Johnny Mathis. No. All these people. No. Are you looking it up right now? I am looking it up.

Kendall Gill and Johnny Mathis. What a wild state that is. Kendall Gill. Dianne Feinstein. That's sure. I don't know who that is. California Senator. Boy, I can name all the skateboarders you want. Ralph Macchio. Macchio macchio dude you know macchio do you know ralph macchio with macchio so yeah he you in the crotch you know chris farley

oh yeah i was making i was making mine up for sure oh you were yeah i was making willem defoe you made up Kendall? I should have known. I was just saying. I'm Johnny Mathis from fucking Wisconsin. I was like, wow, you know, it takes all kinds. You know, I think I've met the whole cast of Black in the Middle. I was just saying, shit, is it Bob Dinn? Man, they are. God, that's awesome. They have some real top tier talent coming out of Wisconsin.

Are you talking about girls? I don't like that. Yeah, titties. I'm sorry. I thought that was like, what's weird? So you go about girls? I don't like that. Yeah, titties. I'm sorry. I thought that was weird. So you go Chris Farley, Willem Dafoe, Spencer Tracy, Mark Ruffalo,

Liberace, Gene Wilder, Frank Lloyd Wright, Donna Miche, Orson Welles, Heather Graham, right damn donna michi donna michi yeah orson wells oh wow you buried the cheese thing heather graham tony schlube shalub you say schlube yeah don't fucking talk to me no no no no no no no no tony schlube tony schlube you thought this dude was out here being named tony schlube

he hangs out with Hans and Solo. Tony Shalhoub. Is that what you say in Silent Bob? Is that what you say in Shalhoub? Shalhoub. Oh, Shalhoub. Shalhoub. I'm sorry I'm a little off.

There's a huge difference. There's not a huge difference. Shalhoub is weird, dude. Listen, you fucking nutball. Shalhoub. Shalhoub is one of the more ridiculous words I've ever heard in my life. Oh, don't you dare. Shalhoub.

You fucking idiot. You probably, oh't you dare. Shlube. You fucking idiot. You probably, oh, how many, you fucking nothing. I'm never going to shlube again. You two shlubes have got no rhythm. Bob Euchre. Okay, yeah, we're moving on to the shlube thing. Bob Shlube.

Bob Shlube. Shlube Shlube. Dan Kismarik. Oh, from Malcolm in the Middle? Man, I love her. And Georgia O'Keeffe. Wow. Make me wanna shlube.

Not a dick. Tony Shlube. Tony Shlube. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel's Tony Shlube. Tony Shlube. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel's Tony Shlube. I get my oil changed at Jiffy Shlube, you know. Pull right in. After this, we should watch some

Boob Shlube. What'd you say? You can watch Shane Seary Face Your Fears on You Shlube, right? Just make sure you're using hypoallergenic Shloop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For the pH. pH situation.

It's what it boils down to. Pussy heat. I got everything on except my Shloops. A lot of people don't know that's what that stands for. Pussy heat. Just got to put on my socks and Shloops. Shane, time for your third pick. Well, of course.

Well, we've been drafted for four days. I love it. I feel these last rounds will go pretty pick. Well, of course. Well, we've been drafted for four days. Mm-hmm. I love it. I feel these last rounds will go pretty quick. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to have a ton to say about this. We're just like, Delaware? I don't know. I felt safe throwing that out there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that that's off the table, as I've picked states. I am going to take the great state of Texas. You know why? Dumb. Dumb? Is it dumb? No, I love it. Yeah, it's great. Friday Night Lights,umb? Is it dumb? No, I love it.

Yeah, it's great. Friday Night Lights, man. Friday Night Lights. Four hearts. Can't lose. I ended up getting drunk with the guy who kissed Tammy Taylor, the teacher. That's right. Yeah.

I told you about this, right? You texted me. Yeah. Yeah. Doug was his name on the show, right? Yeah. I think so. Yeah.

The teacher that has a crush on her. Yeah. Yeah. He is from Fort Yeah. I think so. Yeah. The teacher that has a crush on her. Yeah. He is from Fort Worth where I'm from. And we played hockey against each other. You did? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah.

That is so wild. Yeah. A lot of people call it Fort Worthless. Yeah. No, we call it Forty Worth, Panther City. Fort Worthless. Home of the Ironborn. Home of the Ironborn.

You don't call it home of the Ironborn. The unburnt. Yeah. You call it Panther City? Yeah. Because when it was a really small town, a guy came to do it. It is a really small town. It's fucking so much bigger than the dump state I drafted first.

It's because until 1997, the only animal in their zoo was a panther. I'm still good, too. It was an illegal panther. Nobody could actually go look at it. A journalist said that it was such a lame town that a panther could walk down the middle of the road and no one would notice. Really? Yeah.

God, that's awesome. They just started calling it Panther City. That's sick. Yeah, but great cities. I've only been to Austin, I think. Oh, no, I've been to Houston, too. Houston's awesome. Yeah, I've been to Dallas.

I've been to Dallas. The part of Houston I went to was awesome. I've been to Fort Worth. I've been to Austin, I think. Houston. Incredible food. We drove all the way through the motherfucker on a road trip one time. That was pretty fun.

It must be great. Everybody from there never stops talking. We're really about the way Colorado people are about their 100%. There's like a million Texas tattoos on people. It comes up. Texas tattoos are like the Colorado flag hats.

Yeah. Except we can never take ours off nor would we. Nor would we. I mean, Western Texas is beautiful. The Rio Grande is gorgeous. It's great. Beto. Beto. O'Rourke.

Yeah. I'm just trying to move it. No, not the Spurs. Spurs. Yeah. The Spurs are awesome. You're really crossing some fucking lines. Yes.

They got two good basketball teams. The Spurs are like one of the greatest teams in the history. Yeah, and the Rockets. The Spurs and the Rockets. You're crossing some lines. All Troy can do is get it there. Just so you know, the Mavs won as many games in the playoffs as the Trailblazers did last year. They didn't get there.

Also, King of the Hill is one of my favorite television shows. No, it is my favorite television show. You remember the fucking line in there when they were talking about Troy? Yeah, I do. You say it every week. All Troy can do is get it there. I'm not talking shit about basketball. Derek Nowitzki's old ass hobbling around up there,

putting up seven and three in 28 you know, 28 minutes a game. That must have been fun to watch last year. What did Sam Bowie ever put up? Ricardo looking like Jim Carrey's burn victim character. Fire Marshal Bill. He does look like a cashed out Jim Carrey. It is hilarious. Everybody pretending like J.J. Barea

isn't the most ridiculous thing anyone's ever seen. His jersey looks like an And One t-shirt someone from Gresham wears to a job interview. That's your state. There's just some schlube out there in the court just bouncing. No, but the Mavs are fun. I was going to take you to a court side. I would love

to. I would love one of those run $28. The gentleman's $28. I think our gentleman's super expensive no matter what i just love my home state i've only there's nothing yeah yeah uh it's very different to me now but i do still love it yeah like i was in austin for new year's officiating a wedding and then i i this guy who liked my comedy was like hey are you in town and i was like they got at me on instagram i was like yeah he goes hey willie he's willie's liked my comedy was like, Hey, are you in town? And I was like, they got at me on Instagram. I was like, yeah.

And he goes, Hey, Willie, he's Willie's weed guide. He was like, do you want to go see Willie at the Moody theater? Yeah. Man. Yeah. So just cool things like that happen there. The barbecue is second to none. It's for real.

And God just New York. I'm just joking. I know there's a good new york barbecue oh yeah no oh yeah and it's just i don't know i like the people i like and driving west in texas is like one of my favorite things to do yeah it's getting out of there yeah out in the old west texas town of el paso two-day drive to get out of texas yeah yeah if you're driving like a Californian. You drive like 80 miles an hour.

Yeah, you drive across Texas in one day. We drive hella fast here. Yeah, you can do that. El Paso is farther from Houston than it is from LA, or it's closer to LA than it is to Houston. You know that? Depends on which way you're going. What part of the country is it? Regional dialect. Sean, tell me your third pick.

It does not depend on which way you're going I'm saying miles Sean idiot you gotta call him by his first name tell me your third pick it doesn't happen a lot oh shit Shlube's here I'm gonna pick Georgia it was just

I've only been there a couple times but Atlanta is amazing. And driving through the whole state is just so fun. It's beautiful. I like Georgia. Athens was fun. I just like it. It was one of the first huge road trips I went on

was through Georgia. Went to a friend's wedding. I saw a professional skateboarder in Atlanta. Kissed a girl. I thought this girl was going to rob me. These girls were walking by. For your kisses? I think I've told you this. They're walking by.

We're all skating. We're all out there skating and we just started talking to these girls and we're like, what the hell's going on? And this girl's like, you want to walk me to my car? I went back like in a weird,

I was sketchy and then she started to kiss me. I was like, this is crazy. And then I left because I was like, there's no way. Whoa. That, yeah. And she was was played yourself i was i think i almost did

because i bailed quick and i was like dude i i think i was gonna get like seriously robbed and then whatever you didn't so let's keep skating did you i bet you weren't gonna get robbed yeah i don't think it's so weird though no offense especially 10 years ago. 12, 15, how long ago was this? Yeah, 12 years ago, probably. I don't feel like you look like a dude who would have like a ton of dough. I was trying to like draft you for your wallet chain. You don't look like a dude with a ton of money. Like, yeah, yeah, you were out there like-

That guy looks exactly like who he is. A guy with three roommates. You were skateboarding in a parking lot. She wasn't like, look at these young fucking venture capitalists here. Break off the sex wax. Which is weird. They're riding skateboards. I wonder where their Mercedes are.

I think that's Bam Margera. I'm going to rob him. Honestly, I've never thought about it that way, but you're 100% right. There's no way that she saw me as a mark. I think a beautiful woman just wanted to kiss you, man. As far as the smoochies. Yeah, yeah well i didn't have the confidence to back it up i'm not trying to get robbed i feel like that's what you said yeah i like georgia i like the hot southern weather that's what he said for sure

raise up off you these and you tease i ain't like to talk about the old days. Sean, don't you want a kiss? Raise a buff, you these NUTs. I ain't trying to get around. Gets none of these. At ease. At ease. And then he found the dog pound, you fool. Bunch of cops came into the picture. Sure. Haven't you spent a lot of time in Georgia?

I'm not a ton. I'm not trying to disqualify. I'm just asking what you really like about it. But this, this, I'm just going off this one trip. We took like a four day trip through it. I just liked it. I just really, really enjoy it. I'm having to try to get away from Midwest states because they're all my, that's what

I want to pick, but I don't want to pick five Midwestern states because that's ridiculous. So yeah, I'm picking Georgia. That's going to be my Southern state that I picked. Well, it's time for my third pick. And for my third pick, I'm going to take a state that the further North you get, the further South you get, the great state, the most ridiculous state in our great union. Oh, man. Damn.

Give me that weird shit. Give me that weird shit. I spent a lot of time all over Florida, and that state is fucking weird. Yes, it is. People shit on it, man. Be like, it is. And they should, but it's also, they should celebrate it, too. They should shit on it.

Why do you think it's so weird? Is it just because it's so hot that everybody's brain is bubbling? There's so many cultures there. It's so out of the way too. And they live amongst each other, but more like next to each other than like. Amongst each other. Miami is wild. You know, like.

It's just weird, man. Shout out to Ed Ballard. I always ask him about Miami. Oh yeah, he's from Miami, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Miami Beach is crazy. It's what you think it is. But the rest of Miami, it's like a lot of big Cuban communities

that are awesome, like Haitian communities. You can get, like, amazing food there and shit. North Florida is the Redneck Riviera, which is – Yeah, man, I'm on the Redneck as fuck. I've been to Pensacola. I did not like it. Dude, you guys know Jake Head? Who? I don't think so.

Jake Head, he's a comic. He's from northern Florida. He has a bit he talks about. He's like, you guys know Marlboro Miles? He's like, or no, Camel Cash. He's like, my dad smoked so much Camel Cash, he used it to buy a generator, and that got us through a hurricane.

He's like, you ever smoked so much it saved your kids? That's the kind of white trash that can happen in Florida. Did you ever see a much it saved your kids that's the buckest when you kind of like white trash that can happen in florida you ever see like a kid with like a marlboro tent like on a boy scout trip or something like damn dude you know yeah you knew that was you know it's like jackets and shit yeah yeah shows up in a joe camel hat you're like come on your dad smoked for your birthday present uh i mean he was gonna do it either way my grandparents live in west palm beach yeah or my grandma that lives in west palm beach uh it's which is you know it's a ton of old jews but there's some like pretty good deli uh you're jewish right

100 percent permits and everything my favorite part of florida is the uh is the keys yeah fucking florida keys are so rad i don't want to get out there bonkers it's like that's a chain of islands right chain islands yeah there's like a that's bloodline dude same thing that goes to hawaii goes to key west florida if we could sell a hundred tickets yes we'll be there right i think that would not be that expensive a flight we'll go to the hogshead saloon you find in miami and then we drive it. Yeah, yeah. On that big, long, scary bridge. Yeah. Guys, or Miami.

Either way. Either way. I think we could... Let's get this going. David just got in like a business position to say Miami. Or Miami.

I've looked at our numbers. We don't have a lot of listeners in Miami, but fuck it. We can go just as far. Well, let's drum up some support. Miami does not seem like anybody who has even a... My favorite murder

doesn't have a lot of listeners in Miami. Surprisingly huge for Joe Rogan. Daddy Yankee can... Daddy Yankee does big numbers there. Pitbull and Star Podcast. Daddy Yankee on the podcast. Robina.

Robina. Robina. But yeah, the keys are just on some different shit, man. It's weird. It's like that... It's like... It's redneck island life almost, which is, you know, interesting. Like a lot of like you feel like you're living in a Jimmy Buffett song in a fun way.

A lot of great scuba diving in Florida. There's a lot of white trash with money. Kind of a ton of that. Yeah. Which is interesting. Yeah. It's great scuba diving in Southern. I mean, people don't really care about this, but like a lot of great reef diving and stuff

in Southern and then up North because I'm going to do some reef diving. Reef diving. More like reefer diving. Yeah. That was the whole joke. Yeah. Huh? More like reefer, like weed diving. You know what I mean? She drafted a book. I was going to smoke weed when he's there in Miami. It's reefer, reefer diving. Go ahead. Nothing bad. And what can happen to you? Marissa's going to think something. And then up North you do a lot of cave diving. Sonota is up there. Ivan will be happy to tell you about that.

Hit him up. Stay in his place. He'll tell you all about it. Florida is my third pick. With my fourth pick, I'm going to circle back around and take the great state, Louisiana. Strictly for New Orleans. It's the greatest city in the world. I don't need much else. I just need New Orleans.

Even the rest of it's great. I bet't need much else. I just need New Orleans. It's fucking... Even the rest of it's great. I bet it's pretty cool. Driving... I can't comment. I can't call it. There's like... When I'll go to New Orleans

and then I'll go up to Baton Rouge because they have shows up there. But just driving up, you're like, this place is beautiful and weird. Driving through the middle of the state and you just stop at a gas station and literally get the best crawfish

you've ever had in your life. There's shit like that, it's just different. Shout out to the three-legged dog. People are real and nice. I was jogging around the lake in City Park there, and everybody was like, I was just sweaty and fat, and all these neighborhood kids were like, they were cheering me on.

I can't call you baby. me on yeah yeah there's like rocky yeah you all get out there hall shane yeah you're gonna get out there you're going right now lord it is hot today lord he come and sweat a big way and all over the place here oh big old sweaty man all down all big old steam train coming barrel down the track there, huh? Hotter than a hush puppy. We're going to watch out for that big old sweaty man coming at you now. Shane been sweating through tree shirts down the same time. He been walking the pits all day.

Shane Torrey is sweating through shirts the back of his bag at the hotel right now. I got to say, just judging by these accents, these are clearly some of my favorite white people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly right. I don't know what you guys were talking about, but everything sounded delicious.

Oh, you were doing a Chinese accent. No! What? I work for CBS. We can't even joke about that. I'm getting network checks. I was doing a Cajun person, a white Cajun person. But yeah, New Orleans, we've talked about it a lot.

Which is crazy because I always thought Cajun was blackened. Cajun. Blackened? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think blackened. Anyway, we don't have to get into what the racial makeup of Cajun people is. I love places that are fully in love with themselves and celebrate themselves. And Louisiana fucking does that.

Yeah, like no other place. People in Louisiana love Louisiana. You know, I'm sure there's people who are in a hurry to get out like everywhere else. But like when you go to New Orleans, man, people are like stoked to be in New Orleans. And why wouldn't they? Such a beautiful melange of cultures. And I use melange because it's French. One of the huge influences in New Orleans.

Beyonce's younger French sister. We can be quiet for a while. Because it sounds like Solange. I'm going to pick Montana. Oh, really? I like Montana. No shit. I like Montana. Jesus, why didn't you just pick a plate of gravy?

Nah, Montana's beautiful, man. Montana is beautiful, but they're not making some very white plates. It is amazing. Well, I just have to go off what I know. You pick a white? And what you don't know. I can't. I've driven through a lot of these states.

I've spent time in Montana. I've got family in Montana. It's just a big-ass, beautiful-ass place. Montana looks amazing, though. They didn't used to have a speed limit, which was real, real fun come up where would you recommend people check out montana if they i just like driving through it i mean bozeman's dope like missoula's cool between bozeman helena and missoula where would you want to go i've been in missoula helena helena i feel like also white fish is okay i feel like i feel like montana is this i i would say butte because i love the

no uh i feel like montana is another one where it's not, you're not going for the major cities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But you got to stay somewhere. Yeah, but there's motels everywhere. It's just so, there's just, it's so wide open and calm. I'd focus on like calming stuff.

I like that you pronounced the L in calm. And I mean that unironically. It's so subtle. It's calm. Because a lot of people say calm and you're like calm. Yeah. It's so, it's just. It's calm. Because a lot of people say calm, and you're like, calm. Yeah. It's so, it's just. It's calm.

It's calm. It's the sounds of L. Sounds like you need to clear your throat. Yeah, yeah. Put on some lip balm, you know? You say lip balm or lip balm? Balm. Lip balm.

Lip balm. Calm. Balm. Calm. Yeah. It's just a big ass, wide open, absolutely gorgeous place. We've had many arguments over if that's God's country or not. Like when people refer to God's country.

I think they're talking about Montana. Beaverton. Weirdly. That's weirdly what they actually mean. Yeah. Yeah, man. It's just fun. My grandma lives in Glendive, which is, boy.

Glendale, Glendive. Glendale, Glendive. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. No. That the apple... Shane? For my fourth pick, I will take North Carolina. Oh!

North Cackalack, dude. Yeah. The Carolina. I almost just said it. I almost looked up the R. Shlube. North Cackalack. North Cackalack, dude.

It's a beautiful state, especially in the summer. Fireflies. Yeah. Fireflies, green rolling hills. Do they not have those in Oregon? No. Really? No.

Damn. You've seen fireflies, right? No. In New York and North Carolina, yeah. Okay. That's it, though. Got them in South Dakota, Shane's first pick. Yeah.

I don't have much more to say than that. I love it. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. Asheville's on some... I've only been to Asheville in north carolina but that city's fucking cash oh they're real bad so great it's so i'm gonna that's up there this friday yeah yeah when you listen to this book us yeah yeah we'll go she'd book you yeah for sure yeah yeah is that model face comedy yeah i've talked to her yeah i'm i'm trying i'm trying to go out there. You just put the mic down. I'm trying.

I'm trying to go out there. Yeah, man. Yeah, we know. No, I know. We know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're trying to go out there. Let's keep you in the podcast.

It's such a fun town. Yeah, yeah. Great beer there in Asheville. And then just like great vibes too. The manners. I was there. There was a massive drum circle, which was really fun. I like the manners. You do like manners. Yeah, I do like the manners. I was there. There was a massive drum circle, which was really fun. I like the manners.

You do like manners. Yeah, I do like the manners. I'm a fan. Yeah. Fan of the manners. This is going to sound kind of awful, but I do like the southern women when they flirt. There's something about it that just really like it's so bashful. I like old southern women.

They are real assertive. Some of them can be real. I was in Atlanta one time and I was talking to this lady who was kind of heckling at me and I was like, what's your name? And her daughter next to her goes, Sweet Tits! Her name is Sweet Tits!

And she loves you! This is one of the better days I've ever had. It was one of the better days I've ever had. It was one of the better days I've ever had. Yeah, you know that. She lives with her mom. Sweet tears. That's right. North Carolina Collect, David, time for your fourth and final picks, as it is.

This is fucking wild. Because now I feel like I'm going off the grid. Oh, yeah. I think I'm starting to speculate. I'm going to make a wild last pick, I think. My fourth? Okay. My fourth is one that I've never been to but i've been wanting to go to and it's so funny that you just picked this because i've always

wanted to go to south cackalack oh i've never heard it called cackalack yeah cackalack well we're going to go to south carolina i don't know why i feel like the beaches are beautiful i know that there's's beautiful golf courses there. Isn't there a health head there? Isn't there a liberal... Well, Charleston is a beautiful city. Charleston is South Carolina. It's the first city that Jews came to America in.

It's got America's oldest synagogues, three of them. It's supposed to be a beautiful culture there in Charleston. It is the part of the South people romanticize that you're like oh yeah that's like that's like you know for all of the south's problems that is it does have these special kind of beautiful yeah yeah yeah and that seems and i think that's maybe a lot of it it's just like yeah i've just i feel like you just never hear anything bad about south carolina you really don't nobody's ever dragging it through the mud yeah you never i i that being said i've i've been in the west my whole life i don't even know about most of these places to be honest with you uh my i think my last pick has just got to be

just for the wild beauty of it i gotta say alaska okay i've never been no i was gonna pick that was another one i've never been to but i but I wanted to pick it it just seems like Kodiak bears get 10 feet tall yeah man polar bears get even taller I've seen you guys polar bears

I was wondering I've seen you guys those moose videos oh mooses those moose fights we'll look at watch the moose videos you ever seen a moose

in real life IRL fuck you up no I've not seen a moose a moose will fuck you up what do you think seeing it will fuck you up they're huge huge yeah watch but they're like they're enormous right like i know some people from alaska shout out to portugal the man they're fucking tight shout out to susan sage this is crazy can i change

i want to go with the state that i've actually been to that i forget that i always really like i know what you're not i understand i know what you're gonna say what do you think that's fine I want to go with the state that I've actually been to that I forget that I always really like. If not, I understand. I know what you're going to say. What do you think? That's fine with me. Shane? Yeah.

All right. Yeah. Yeah. Virginia. Oh, I've been to Virginia. I love it there. Huge. Yeah.

Yeah. My favorite. Some of my favorite rappers are there. Huge Sierra Leone community. Huge African community in general. Yeah, I've always had a really good time when I've gone to Virginia. That's like Newport. You'll be there this coming week. And I'll be up there this coming week

at the D.C. draft house. Virginia touched the ocean. It's across the region. D.C. is what we're saying? It was one of the first times. National champions? One of the first times I ever left the state as a kid was to go to Virginia because we have family in there because there is a huge Sierra Leone community.

There's like, yeah. Allen Iverson is from there. Yeah. The whole DMV is like wild. Kendall Gill. Charlottesville. Yeah, Kendall Gill. Kendall Gill.

Johnny Mathis. Johnny Mathis. January Jones. Morris Day. Morris Day. There's a rapper named Tom Brokaw who's fromis. January Jones. Morris Day. There's a rapper named Tom Brokhoff who's from there. Tom Brokhoff? That's funny. Yeah, Virginia. That's my last one.

Yeah, dude. I'm in. Sugar Shine. Final pick. Sinn Fein. Oh, man. Well, I guess I'm going to go with, I really like,

it's what, Portland, I like Maine. Is that what you're picking? Do it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, do it.

I would pick Maine if I'd ever fucking been there. It's colder than Oregon, but the coastlines are very similar. Okay. And it has that kind of wet, that kind of wet, uh, that kind of wet environment that breeds a Brian cook. Yeah.

Just a real dick. We came out of there. Just two furious dudes. Yeah. Let me say it right now. Ben Roy is one of the greatest standup comedians. I may be my favorite. I love that. I saw him so much more than Shane.

Well, that's crazy. Hurtful. First time I saw Ben Roy was like him so much more than Shane well that's crazy you're gonna hurtful first time I saw Ben Roy was at a high plane we Ben and I both do TV we're not like Sean yeah I don't

I don't do TV choice I made I saw Ben Roy at a high plane choice I made a long time ago before I ever did stand up I was like

you will never be on TV is what I said to myself my dad looked me in the face and he goes you look like a monster and you'll never be on TV he did tell me to myself. My dad looked me in the face and he goes, you look like a monster and you'll never be on TV. He did tell me I look like a monster one time. Really?

Yeah, he did. My dad told me goodbye. A bunch of zits. I saw Ben Roy doing stand-up at High Plains that I wasn't at. It was that one sitting right here and I was tweeting about how bummed I was. And Ian's like, right now, I've told you four times I will get your ticket here, but it has to be right now. I'm sick of hearing you complain about it

and I was like alright and then I got on a plane like three hours after that and anyway I walked in and I saw Ben Roy walking down like the fucking that scene in Ghostbusters 2

where all the chairs are flying in the courtroom he was just taking chairs and throwing them because it was like an empty crowd he's like don't need this fucking chair

and just whipping it across the room I'm like this guy is gnarly dude he's a buck dude he's so I love that dude mostly because you're drafting Ben Roy yeah yeah I'm like, this guy is gnarly. He's a buck dude. He's so red. You're drafting Ben Roy.

Yeah. What's your favorite city in Maine? Portland or Bangor? Bangor's so far. Is it? Maine is not a huge state, but it is so underdeveloped. It takes like six hours. Portland or Bangor?

I don't know much about Maine, but I know those two things. Portland and mattawaska mattawaska as i can mention never could have called that yeah it ain't much uh so my favorite is definitely portland okay uh but it's just like a rainy city it's cool yeah like there's a cool like there's a cool arts community up there i'd love to get up and see it it is yeah so beautiful. And the lobster is not a fucking joke. The rolls. I had four lobster rolls, and I might have spent $20. That was a crazy one. In LA, no shit, $20 to $25 for a lobster roll.

And it won't even be amazing. It'll be good, but not amazing. But there, it's just like, you're just buttering a hot dog bun and you're like yeah and they're like and you're like no it's good and you eat it and you're just like it's just incredible yeah it's just fucking dope yeah yo i same okay portland maine yeah if you can if we could sell a hundred tickets we'll come i for sure want to go up there yeah i go anywhere taking some of the best ramen shops i've ever been to in my entire life. Really?

Which kind of makes sense when you think about it. It's like a very rainy place hot soup. Yeah. And it's just beautiful. It's a good hot soup. They have a good hot soup up there. And the trash can fires are ample. I saw a trash can fire last night.

Oh, that's you, Dad. Yeah. Really? Yeah, behind House of Pies. Yeah, you went up. Oh, did Yeah Really? Yeah, behind House of Pies Yeah, you went up Oh, but really, for real Behind House of Pies Yeah, yeah, yeah Shout out to Ed and Ursula

They called the fire department Damn, that's pretty bad I went nuts at House of Pies Ursula, damn That's a fucking tight name That's a tight name Sean Name your first daughter, Ursula

Don't tell Jordan Ursula Carmel Yeah No, because if she comes out With my body type You can't be named Ursula, too. That's a very thoughtful thing as a father. What did you say?

We had a name for your kid the other day. Irving? Irving. That's what it was. Irving Carmel. Irv Carmel is a good name. That's a fucking... What about Ian?

Hi, I'm Ian. This is my son, Ian. If he comes out like a dumb shit, yeah. If I'm just like, this kid's a dumb shit, yeah. If I'm just like, this kid's a dumb shit, yeah. I call him Ian until he proves me wrong. Ian! He comes out like

a dumb shit, sure. Little mouth breather. Oh, he did. Nah, this kid's Ian. You can tell how hard he's thinking by the look on his face. Like he's taking a shit. Talks like the Cookie Monster.

This is Ian Carmel. Ian likes Carmel. Ian Jr. No, Ian. Ian's ear in Carmel. Final pick? Yep. I'm going to pick Illinois just for Chicago.

Oh, come on. Feel it. Just for Chicago. Yeah. Chicago is ridiculous. And I've really, I mean, Illinois is another one of those places I've driven through a ton. And I can go ahead and throw Peoria in there too. Peoria?

Because that was like the first place I ever featured and did stand up. Two bucks? Yeah. Yeah. Wildly, wildly different places, those two. But it's fun. It's a good little juxtaposition. Spell it.

Yeah, spell juxtaposition. Boy, I'll give it a shot. I can't do it. I don't think I can either. I can spell juxtaposition. Well, nobody fucking asked you, did they? I think I can actually. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, let me take a stab at it. Let me I can't do it. I don't think I can either. I can spell juxtaposition. Well, nobody fucking asked you, did they? I think I can actually. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, let me take a stab at it. Let me take a stab at it. Hold on. Let me try first. Okay, you try first. J-U-X-T-A-P-O-S-I-T-I-O-N. I feel like that's it. Yeah, you got it.

Did I really? J-U-X-T-A? I think so. And then position? Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Nice. Jeff Chucks.

That's exactly how I was going to spell it. Yeah, right. You can get these nuxtapositions. Yeah, right. I mean, you can spell it. I'd like to see you type exactly how I was going to spell it. Yeah, right. You can get these Nux to positions. I mean, you can spell it. I'd like to see you type it. I like to get in the... Now I need to find a woman to get me into a fucks to position. We're all over 30. One of the country's best stand-ups.

Fucks to position, he says. Oh, man. We should have video recorded this one. He's doing the finger thing. Everybody think about what the finger thing is. And you're right. Let's just say he went back to Texas for it.

Illinois is tight. I've only been to Chicago as well. You've been to Peoria as well. I've been to Peoria. Illinois, Chicago. Good homie from Palatine. Been to Champagne. Great comedy city, Chicago. Fucking fun. I've been all through it. There's a good homie from Palatine. Oh, yeah? Been to Champagne. Oh.

You know? Great comedy city, Chicago. Yeah. Fucking fun. Great drinking city. They do it up. They do it. They certainly threw some drinkers to LA.

They signed a bunch of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Portland sent one of our favorite sons, Matt Brown, to Chicago, and he came back all liquored up. We're going to dry him out down here in LA. Old Town Alehouse, great bar in Chicago. That place is so fun. There's nothing special about it

except what's happening in it. High Fidelity takes place in Chicago. The best movie ever made. Pristine, earnest politicians. Really like old school corrupt politics. Like all the old mob shit. Great rap out of Chicago. Politicians who... No, but really like old school corrupt politics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like all the old mob shit. Yeah.

Great rap out of Chicago. Treasured sports history. Tall buildings. Food that is completely based in the idea of decadence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To get through cold, long winters. Chocolate cake shake. First place I ever had one of those. Oh, my God. Chocolate cake shake? Really place I ever had one of those. Oh, my God.

Chocolate cake shake? Really? I went to Portillo. I remember this. The first time I ever went there, I went to Portillo's, which is like that big famous hot dog. And one of the comics gave me

a free pass for the tourist bus. And I was on the top of the double-decker tourist bus eating a chocolate cake shake. And the Occupy Wall Street movement had just started. I was just looking at him like, oh, look at me. Let them eat cake shake.

They're going to fucking Diana Ross impersonator across the street while they're all chanting and I'm like, oh! Dipping fucking meat cheese into it. Hell yeah. What is a cake shake it it is exactly what it sounds yeah that sounds awesome what chocolate cake into a milkshake and it is it's not a small portion either you can't make something like that you think like a little bit of that would be like oh in chicago the smallest was like 32 ounces like the bus they're riding it might break down and

they have to hook a harness up to themselves and pull it. You know? Can't you eat like 18,000 calories? Yeah, just to get through those winters, really? Yeah, even the ballerinas have Brock Lesnar's calorie intake. South Dakota boy, Brock Lesnar. Yeah, I know. I've drafted him.

I dated a lady from Chicago. She was fucking awesome. Yeah, great women there. I dated a lady from Chicago. She was fucking awesome. Yeah, great women there. I dated a lady from Chicago. Oprah. Yo, that would... Get out of here. God damn it.

Oprah. Time for my pick. Bring it on home. The final pick of the draft. And I'm going to take a state of undress. No! Damn. That's a bold move. I'm not'm going to take a state of undress. No! Damn. That's a bold move.

I'm not really going to take that. Oh my gosh. I'm not some fucking prick. Well, there are 31 states left to pick from. I'm not some fucking prick. Piece of shit. I'll let you take Puerto Rico. I'm a state of undress.

It's fucking ridiculous. Straight. Joker. State of undress. Piece of shit. State of playerto rico i'm the state of undress joker state of undress piece of shit state of play ass way to play i'm gonna take idaho oh yeah i've been to and was first incredibly incredibly uh suspicious of and i remain suspicious of it but now having seen a bunch of, it is one of the most beautiful places on the planet right now. Yeah, dude. Well, you went to... You know why you love it so much? Yeah.

I was born there. You were born in Idaho? Yeah. You're making shit up again. No, Louis did. No, you're... Louis did Idaho. I swear to God.

You and Johnny Mathis? No, no. You were really born in Idaho? I swear to God. I swear to God. Hold on. Do you have your birth certificate on you right now? What are you doing?

Yeah, you don't have your birth certificate. You're California, dude. But I have dual citizenship. I have my Irish passport. You got you have your birth certificate on you right now? What are you doing? Always. Yeah, you don't have your birth certificate. You're California, dude. But I have dual citizenship. I have my Irish passport. You got to have your papers. I believe you. If you say it, I believe you. I didn't know that, though.

The Irish passport's just a picture of your rocked up liver. Just an x-ray. Hey, my liver's dying. They're looking at David's passport. Whoa, Idaho. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is, yeah.

That is another reason to love it at the very least. Yeah, it's on the Washington border. My mom was visiting this lady. Oh, Idaho. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's on the, it's on the. Another reason to love it at the very least. Yeah, it's on the Washington border. My mom was visiting this lady. Oh shit. So like right up by Coeur d'Alene? I don't know. I don't know. That's a long border.

If you would have told me. Coeur d'Alene is beautiful. A year ago today that I would love Idaho. I would have slapped you in the face so hard that like it would have hurt me too. But having been there there like i've been all over now it's fun it really is gorgeous they have a lot of hot springs uh they have like beautiful mountains and like cabins and lakes and stuff like that boise is a cool city boise's cool lake mccall is fucking awesome and i just didn't want to take any states that i hadn't been to

or when you get to courtland time in have you been to quarterline i haven't been to quarterline quarterline is incredible yeah yeah i've been to pocatello pocatello sucks pocatello eats my whole ass yeah suck it pocatello you gotta draft a whole state fucking yeah i would like to leave out because i fucking have these sioux falls right there's a sixth pick it would be but every but it would just be the words but pocatello, so we would go Idaho, but not Pocatello. Uh, you know what I did? Also the last tier of the Patreon is Pocatello, but Pocatello, but Pocatello.

You guys pay us a hundred dollars a month. We'll do some, but Pocatello. You'll, you'll see. Oh, you can't really say what it is. No,

we have to show you what it costs. 250 roses. Let's just say we got to do it on a boat. Also, you gotta have a, there's a different meaning for chocolate cake shake. Yeah. Oh, it is that.

It is that. I'm getting more into spending time outdoors than doing stuff like that and just being peaceful and like, I don't know, Idaho is fucking tight. It is calm, man. Calm. Calm. That shit, like chill. So that wraps it up. We left a bunch of good states on the board.

Pennsylvania, but I've only ever been to Philly. I love Utah, but it's so white. Pittsburgh's an amazing city. Connecticut. Yeah, I bet you like Pittsburgh. Dallas. Oh, Dallas is a city. New Mexico?

I don't remember. I almost took Nevada. Truly, Alabama is a beautiful state. Alabama. Alabama. Washington. I mean, you know, for better or worse, you might be like, hey, I would draft Alabama. That's true. Yeah.

I remember I dated a girl from Alabama. What else? What else? I mean, I was going to fuck around and pick like Nebraska and Iowa just because, again, I like the flat. Ohio didn't come off the board. No surprise there. Fuck you, Ohio. No way. Yeah. what just because again i like the flat and ohio didn't come off the board no surprise there fuck you ohio yeah so you so as ohio goes goes the nations why don't you go to hell and get a

fucking straight that's how the nation's going you piece of shit yeah we just go in on every other state yeah hey fuck you oklahoma and i thought that from before this yeah washington you can eat my whole ass too if pocatello's not done with it Yeah, Washington, you can eat my whole ass too if Pocatello's not done with it. Then he left me over for Pocatello to eat my ass. No, Washington's alright. But fuck it. It's weird nobody picked New Jersey.

Is it? Nothing weird about that. What else sucks? I mean, we left all the other states on the board. Invite us there. We'll come see an experience and maybe we the other states on the board. Invite us there. We'll come see an experience, and maybe we'll show up on round two. We'll go to West Virginia. Mountain Mama.

Hang out in a holler. So that about wraps up the draft. We're all done here. We want to hear yours. Make sure you send it. We got a recap? Oh, recap. Oh, shit.

I forgot to do the recap. Oh, my God. This podcast has been going on so long, and Zach has been at the gym since before. The whole time. I was just thinking that. He's going to be at the gym for the whole watch-along. He's not going to make dinner, man. He's going to come right before dinner.

David, you went first. You took California, Arizona, Wisconsin, South Carolina, and Virginia. Shane, you went second. You took South Dakota. What a dump. God, you're a prick. Colorado, Texas, North Carolina, and maine pretty good list sean you went 30 took hawaii minnesota georgia montana and illinois and then i went last

it took oregon new york florida louisiana and idaho those are good yeah i like it uh around a draft make sure you send us yours we want to see them and tell us why tell us why we should have picked your state too oh yeah tell us why give us some reasons shout out to everyone on the AFU subreddit shout out to the

Patreon members we're still going strong doing watch alongs doing mailbags the slack is popping the slack is really fun it is popping there's so many channels

on there it's like a community too sometimes I just go in there and learn people are like getting jobs off it and shit. It's pretty wild. Oh, that's cool.

We all encouraged a dude to move to Atlanta the other day just to follow his dreams. Tell him to go to my show. No, no, no. Put him on the list. I'll put him on the list. There's bad lists too. There are no bad lists.

There are bad lists. No, no, no. It's going to put them on the naughty list. There are no bad lists. Oh, no, no, no, no. Hit us up. It's all out anyways, you crumb bum. Is it?

Yeah, it looks looking pretty good. Okay. So nobody try to buy tickets. If you're listening to this, uh, at all fantasy pot on Twitter, all fantasy podcast,

buy tickets, buy tickets, buy tickets, add gmail.com. Hey, shout out to super producer, Marissa. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to fucking Frankie Ocean. shout out to St. Sue Carmel

shout out to fucking Frankie Ocean shout out to Sid the Dude shout out to fucking Haji Beats shout out to God it wasn't last year, Melon's Mountains, what was it? Mountainous Mountains? Melon Mountain? Melon Mountain Tony Kitchen?

Ken Fisk Kitchen? That feels like hours ago and the Fisk Kitchen. That pantry in Mountain Mountain. That feels like hours ago. And the Fisk Kitchen. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shloob. that was a hate gun podcast