All Fantasy Everything - Stuff to do When You're Drunk (w/ Sean Jordan and David Gborie)

Episode Date: April 6, 2017

We all love getting hammered. This is America, last time I checked, for gosh sake. But what do we love about getting hammered? On this episode, host Ian Karmel is joined by podcast faves David Gborie and Sean Jordan to draft that very question. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, ladies and gentlemen. The podcast that drives the car as fast as it can straight into a brick wall. And in that nanosecond between life and death, those fleeting moments that, were you to time them on a watch, would take not even the blink of an eye, but due to some unseen metaphysical force,

in that moment, eons unfold. Your whole life unravels before you like a blooming flower. And you look back upon your works and the world everything you did and everything that was done to you and you think for one moment before your flame is

eternally extinguished what if we fantasy drafted some of that that might be the best one we're recording pretty late at night so the dome yeah that was off the rip that was great when stand-ups pot hova when they when they see like i've seen people in the back and they're like fucking ian you know and i'm like well it's just natural what are they talking what are you talking about just about how gifted you are it's stuff

like that you just can't get you just can't do, just rattling off the top of the dome? It's just so many people can't do it. It's crazy. It's jazz, baby. It's just jazz. It's just jazz. It's just controlled falling. Old magic fingers over there.

It's knowing that no choice is a failure if you leave open, you know what I mean? Yeah. Sometimes you get a fork in the road and they're both

the right way to go. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you just go. See a fork in the road and they're both the right way to go. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you just go. See a fork in the road, pick it up and eat some spaghetti. Hey! That's a mustache. You look like Mario?

That's a spaghetti. I still got the mustache. What do you look like, Mario? That mustache. It's not going away anytime soon. I'll tell you that. I got all tan over the weekend. You're really making it work.

It's dope that you got a late in life mustache that doesn't suck. Thank you. Have you ever done it before? Well, for a short period. Yes yeah i have pictures from like five years ago like as a joke never as this is the first serious mustache it feels like every time you grew on as a joke back in the day we're like dude it looks good and you're just like i don't think so and we're like i think this is the best iteration of it not like when friend of the show shane torres grows his facial hair out and says his beard's coming in and it's not.

It looks like when they try to grow ivy on the wall of a new restaurant. It looks like a grown man's chode threw up all over his face. Jesus Christ. Shout out Shane Torres. Can't wait for this tweet. I don't even know why I bother with you. I love him so much. I couldn't love him more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm all tan as fuck now, too. I was in Palm Springs over the weekend, so I got mad tan. You went to Ace, right? I went to the Ace Hotel. I like those snaps where you go, I'm drunk, and then later you go, here's nature. Now I'm high. It's got a nice grounds you can walk around.

There's flowers and shit. I've never been. I'm trying to get the show going out there. Brad Silnitzer used to have one. Did he? Yeah, man. I smoked weed with the groundskeepers over there. That's awesome.

They'd get you a room for the night, right? Yeah. It pays like 20 bucks. They have this whole room back there where they got a record player and shit. We were getting high as fuck. I want to do good looks out there, man. That's sick. That's obviously,

this is Sean Jordan and David Borey in the house. What's up? It's just the three of us tonight because we are, or whenever you're listening to this, we're drafting something that is very, I mean, there's plenty of people we could have brought in.

Yeah. But I feel like this is a members only situation. It feels like we do this. Yeah, this is a cool jacket. With each other. This is a cool jacket. Because we do this together all the time. Yeah.

Today we are drafting stuff to do when you're drunk. Yeah. Just the best stuff to do when you're hammered. David, we were sitting earlier today, and David's like, I feel like we're going to have some crossover on this. There's going to be some wig across. Some of the first couple picks,'s gonna be contested in fact i'm gonna throw rock paper scissors on this one yeah you have to because i think this is the first time

oh shit yeah for the first time ever i'm gonna throw this is already okay because i know what you're gonna pick so yeah of course i know what you're gonna pick are you guys both trying to pick taco bell yeah yeah and that's why stuff in the studio is falling it's all happening the world's gonna end in here it's all happening the world is full of energy i've never thrown rock paper scissors seriously something in these podcasts just so you know how we do it yeah rock paper scissors we throw on shoot okay odd man out wins oh okay got it. If we all get the same thing, we throw again. Okay. All right. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Oh, three papers. What's happening? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh. Fuck. Jordan. God damn it. Fuck.

Sean won. We might as well just go to the second pick. I'm never throwing rock, paper, scissors again. So the first thing I like to do when I'm drunk is eat Taco Bell. paper, scissors again. So the first thing I like to do when I'm drunk is eat Taco Bell. God damn it. Well, the first thing

that you should do is have some goddamn manners and respect the serpentine. I'm going first. I'm going to take away your first pick. Wait, there's no serpentine,

though. Can we do this? Yeah, serpentine. We can still serve. 3, 2, 1, 1, 2, 3. I'm first. David's second. Ian's third.

All right. Fine. I got so excited. Who raised you? I was born in a barn with a bunch of Taco Bell in it. And my dad was hammered when it was happening. So I think he just fed it to me. It's not a bad birthday.

No, it was the actual day. So what's your number one pick? Eating Taco Bell? Yeah. Like when I'm drunk, I like to eat Taco Bell with my friends. Yeah. Yeah. I like waking up to a burrito that somebody ate like corn on the cob and took one bite out of like a monster.

I'm pretty sure it was me. I think it had to be you. It was me or you, and I wouldn't put it past either one of us. It might have been me, but I don't think it was me. I really think it was probably me. I feel like the memories would have come flooding back like in a movie. Right when you saw it? But that's the other thing is i think i would remember it's just i think i could see myself doing it but i don't have a memory of just like what else did a wolf break into the house

like it's crazy it's a i must have been frenzied is all i can think it was just it was so funny because i came out when ian was seen and he's like, what is this about? I'm like, I have no idea. Plus it would have been all over my face. I'm sure listeners are familiar with this, but it's just in case that we went out for some drinks after we recorded or it was the week before, the weekend before we recorded. Yeah. We didn't even record the pilot yet.

We just had written some of it. Yeah. We had written some of it. And we went out for one of our writer's birthdays and just got hammered. That's right. And it was an $80 Taco Bell order. Damn right it was. Because I think what happened is I postmated it while we were on the drive.

So we just pinged some Taco Bell. Oh, that's crazy. And they were like, well, I guess we're taking this to Glendale. And they did it. Yeah. Paycheck, paycheck. Yeah. $80 for the Taco Bell.

And the only thing left over in the morning was that. It looked like the beginning of a zombie invasion. And actually, so did we. Yeah, $80 for the Taco Bell, and the only thing left over in the morning was that, it looked like the beginning of a zombie invasion. And actually, so did we. We looked like the beginning of a zombie invasion. I fucking love it. What is your favorite Taco Bell item when you're drunk? My favorite Taco Bell item when I'm drunk is, I'm not going to say what you think I'm

going to say. I'm going to say the shredded beef mini quesadilla now. Oh, really? They're real greasy. Yeah. Real grimy, and they come in tinfoil, so it feels kind of official. Sure. to say i'm going to say the shredded beef mini quesadilla now oh they're real greasy yeah real grimy and they come in tinfoil so it feels kind of official sure it's not like a wrapper like a normal taco bell thing yeah and you have to put the sauce on top of it so you can kind of tell how drunk you are by how you're holding it so i like that's a good gauge on if i need another

drink or not before i go to sleep you know i like i like fucking up a crunch wrap one yeah because everything's there and you can't spill it, which is so fun. And I can just pour the sauce in there. It's an all-corners situation. We've talked about this before. Yeah, we've done it. We've done it. Sometimes when I'm here, I'll drink the hot sauce packets because I'm just in this mode

where I want the world to burn. My friends always gave me shit because I'd open it and then pour whatever, and then I would put it in my mouth and pull it out Purse my lips over it and suck it clean. Yeah, I do that, too. But I always think, like, all the Taco Bell employees put their fucking mitts all over those things. I don't care. I don't either.

I trust those guys with everything. I trust them with my life once a day. I trust them with everything. Spice of life, baby. I love a friendly Taco Bell drive-thru guy. Oh, the gal in the Dale is so nice and so cool. She's so nice. Drive-thru people, a lot of times people in general who work

at fast food are the coolest. They're cool, yeah. They're usually pretty cool. Especially if they're not teens. Yeah, yeah. If they're an adult. If somebody's like, bro, I'm 24, but I do run this motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're felonious, I mean, if you've

been in prison or something, you appreciate the job aspect of like, hey, cool, I got a got a job this is tight yeah yeah i never even thought about that that's probably a lot of it there's a good attitude like hey i'm not in a horrible neighborhood there's always one dude at the taco bell who's been to prison oh scares the shit out of me always yeah that dude with the violent tattoos and he's like hey how can i help you and you're like damn you don't even want to ask him for another blastaja Blast. He's got a name tag. He's got a smiley on it. Yeah, you're like, no, I'll just take these 12 Krispies.

Don't drink and drive, but if it has to go down. Anytime I have deserved one, I've also been at Taco Bell that day. Yeah. I mean, if they were smart, they would just post. I mean, that's like the first open mic joke but it's so true just post stuff they do these checkpoints in LA

where it'll be like on Los Feliz which is a big thoroughfare and it causes awful traffic and it's like just narrow your focus a little bit we all know it's okay to profile people who are going to Taco Bell dude that's what everybody it's one of those things that like for some reason when you're drunk it just elevates yeah it's so much better when you know it's your favorite ingredient in taco bells alcohol earlier that night just that feeling of like when you're eating it and you just savor

it and you know you don't feel bad no you don't feel bad even I do like when I'm sober I do feel a little bad just in I'm like you know I could do better than this but when you're drunk you're like I was already fucking I feel weird when I eat it sober sometimes you'll eat it sober sometimes I'll join you I always feel weird I feel wrong

I don't like it it's actually been you know since we did that podcast I've actually chilled out on it a lot because I realized like, damn. Yeah, thanks for the tweets. Take the reins. I, yeah, God, I, for a while, when I first moved here, I would get it almost every night because it's right by the house and it's cheap.

And Ian's like, you can't just eat that every night. You were eating it almost every night and I love you. So I had to say something because you were sober most of the time too that's just a weird thing to see your friend go through coming in like kind of bummed out went to the open mic didn't get up yeah stopped at taco bell and i bought like eight families worth of food i'm gonna act like some of it's gonna stay in the fridge till the morning but it's not it's not it's very soft whenever i put a burrito or something in the fridge it's me saying like i want a colder burrito later tonight yeah i understand that's just it's not made for the sunrise it's better it's so good from dusk till

dawn you know what's weird is people will probably disagree with me on this but like stoned i rarely want taco bell no that's good what's good when you're stuck i mean that could be a new one but i don't smoke weed so much the older i get the less I'm super hungry when I get stoned. Me too. I don't really get the munchies anymore. If anything, I want sweet stuff now. Yeah, I want like a candy piece of candy. The munchies just kind of, for me, seem like they come out of boredom or something.

Like if you're sitting there and you're like, I want to go to the... I'm stoned. I want to walk a block. I'm bored because I'll listen to like the same Lil Yachty song six times in a row and appreciate something new about it every time. That I Spy song. Oh, it's so good.

Him and Kyle? It's fantastic. I love it. I also listen to Dram a lot when I'm stuck. Oh, yeah. Well, he's joyous. You want that joyous shit.

I love his cha-cha. That cha-cha song. Yeah, I love it. His first big hit. Yeah, I love it. He does like the cha-cha. And he hits a grizzly. Yeah, he's a dirty dog

and hits a grizzly. Eating Taco Bell. I mean, if you want, I'll put. He does like to cha-cha. And he hits a grizzly. Yeah, he's a dirty dog who hits a grizzly. Eating Taco Bell. I mean, if you want, I'll put a little footnote here. If you want to hear more about Taco Bell, listen to the Taco Bell episode of this draft. You want to hear a lot more about it. Yeah, if you want about two and a half hours of fire about Taco Bell. Straight fire sauce. Straight fire sauce.

Diablo, baby. Straight volcano sauce. Come back, we miss you. Player gone too soon. David Boyd, it's time for your first pick in the stuff to do in your drunk draft okay my first pick and this is weird because this is another one that i only do by myself yeah this is like nearly blackout end of the night in bed looking at my laptop yeah your boy's watching rom-coms rom-coms that's not just you you don't

think that was gonna be on my bucket list you don't think that i didn't really i didn't know david i love romantic comedies oh i love romantic comedies in that world you're like yes drew barrymore yeah he does love the red sauce i'll throw on fever pitch all day i appreciate every part of it i love her at work uh-huh yeah there's always a little bit of her at work yeah and it's like she's she's so good at her job you ever seen little black book with britney murphy yeah and ron livingston yeah that's a good one where he's got like his little black book of names and she gets her hands on it and then leaves it like finds all the other gals and like interviews him and shit but she also becomes strong in the process.

Yeah, yeah. My mom loves Joni Mitchell. Oh, I like that. I like that touch. Yeah, you gotta check it out. So they fit a few big yellow taxis on the soundtrack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the one song?

It's beautiful. So you're telling me you don't like romantic comedies when you're sober? I used to. And the older I get, the more jaded I am by the world. Yes. I just don't. Your apartment's not that fucking big.

When I was like 20, or like a kid and shit, I liked them. Now I can't really fuck with them. Well, they teach you. I'm doing stand-up about this. Forgive me to repeat a bit. No, I love that you're doing it because. But it's like they give you these unrealistic expectations. Yeah, it's so crazy.

It's such a fantasy. Rom-coms are like fall in love with a crazy person yeah that's what they want all of them it's like go fuck your wife up with a crazy person go stop and also insane shit you're gonna spend a thousand dollars a day on dates that's what you should do you should have courtside tickets tickets to the knicks and then a fucking nine hundred dollar dinner after oh yeah and i watch a lot of the black rom-coms. Whenever she's, like, dating a basketball player, he'll, like, shut the restaurant down. Oh, yeah, and it's just them.

And it's just them, and then he'll cook in the kitchen, and Wolfgang Puck is like, you're crazy for this one, random player from the Milwaukee Bucks. Not the Milwaukee Bucks, the Milwaukee Sturgeons. We can't say Bucks. It's a BET joint. you're crazy for this one common yeah man i watch i run through those motherfuckers i do too yeah oh man it's so it's so good because like you're drunk enough to be like you know that's how it's gonna be for me one day yeah

yeah yeah you follow that fantasy yeah because when you're sober you're like i don't even want that part of what the rom-com romanticizes is this dirty period in your life where you're getting hammered and at some point somebody's gonna because the dudes in these movies are always very flawed and the women fix them right yeah yeah yeah so you there you are flawed in bed flawed as fuck but getting flawed up all night getting flawed all day and they're just waiting for your own drew barrymore to come riding in and probably some sort of like a new beetle or whatever the fuck she's driving yeah and she doesn't like you at first yeah because you're just the wild card who doesn't give a damn but you're also you're shredded like zach efron or something like you expect me to look like that i don't expect any woman to look like how that's another thing about carved out of wood yeah i normal normal ass people you know

but i do love romance and like and like you just they don't stuff that would be a fight isn't a fight in rom-coms like in real life you'd be like maybe stop being a bitch or she'd be like you're being a fucking asshole yeah but in the rom-coms you're just like so cute i love it i love it the general bitch to my friends yeah yeah yeah you know what and I love that there'll be a speech there's so few speeches in real relationships and it's always like

it's almost never a speech the stuff that they like is always the most made up shit like it's always they're like I love the way you wrinkle your nose when you read the paper what the fuck are you talking about bro I love the way you wrinkle your nose when you read the paper. What the fuck are you talking about, bro? I love the way you take cream in your tea because you spent one semester in London. Yeah.

In real life, you're like, no, you're stupid. There's this movie, 500 Days of Summer, and Zooey Deschanel is listening to the Smiths in the elevator. Of course. And Gordon Levitt leans over and he's like, oh, you like the Smiths? And she's like, yeah, I love the Smiths. And it just blows his mind. A lot of people like the Smiths. They're a famous band.

Oh, my God. You like David Bowie? By the way, everyone who looks like Zooey Deschanel loves the Smiths. Yeah. That's just a requirement. 100 out of 100 people. Yep. But when you're hammered, you're just like buying that.

Maybe I can find the person likes pd pablo as much as me oh man or just like mop mop oh god i hope i don't want to find crumb snatches i'm sorry i'm not ready to find the girl that just walks up i'm sorry you listen to annie up in the elevator she's like yeah i'm to go kill my boss with these brass knuckles. Is that mash out bossy? She's like, kidnap that fool. Are you listening to JT Money? Either a call back or a call forward, depending on what order we drop these podcasts. I also like that everybody's rich in that shit. That's what I'm saying.

People are always rich in rom-coms. Even the poor guy was poor back in the day, but now he's a lawyer. Poor dudes in rom-coms, yeah, or they'll be broke, but they'll live in some dope, amazing house. Like, yeah, I live in a tree house. Yeah, and they have all the time to do cool shit all the time. They're like, yeah, we just go to mix games on Tuesdays. And also, everything, everything costs money. So even if you do live in a shitty spot, you still got to have, for the shit they're doing, thousands of dollars a month.

You're like, no, that ain't the world you're living in. I don't even have date clothes. But when you're hammered, you want that. You're like, yeah, sure. I'm drunk. I'm letting it all go. It's so easy. I can watch the craziest rom-com that's not about my life and just put myself in that shit. Because I've been drinking Cuddy Sark all day.

It's 5pm. I'm just like, yeah and i love you man which is like more of a bro com than a but also i put it in with that kind of because that life is so like perfect like he's a real estate developer it's perfect who does that world for sure yeah yeah yeah but jason the house jason siegel is in venice would be like four million dollars yes yeah he just like lives in yeah oh you have your other man cave where there's like all this musical equipment that's expensive right i've been to venice stolen stolen the second those dirt bags find out where it's at let me just walk 10 feet from the boardwalk and just

grab that broken in open with a screwdriver yeah my ripped home 2 p.m with you in the garage what are you gonna do i live 10 feet i live on the cement over there come get it later but 4 a.m. with you in the garage. What are you going to do? I live 10 feet. I live on the cement over there. Come get it later. But 4 a.m., cradle in a bottle of Boone's Farts. Yeah, we could be as good as Rush. But yeah, so watching rom-coms. I like it. Excellent pick. All right.

My first pick. Fun stuff to do when you're drunk. I bet I know what it is. Do you? I think. The way that you said that, I don't. Oh, I don't know. I didn't even know what it was do you i think well the way that you said that i don't oh i don't know i didn't even know what it was yet i mean i have a list over here uh-huh i'm gonna do all right i'm gonna do this uh i'm gonna go sing karaoke number one okay yeah that's fair

i was that was on your list maybe just singing maybe just singing i'm just gonna say it's singing actually that's how it goes that's how it goes we did it at the roost we were just singing. I'm just going to say it's singing, actually. That's how it goes. That's how it goes. We did it at the Roost. We were just singing shit. That's what I'm saying. This was after we did film the pilot. Yeah. At the Roost in Atwater Village. We got into an argument with Mike Malloy,

friend of the podcast, friend of the show. We were saying that I think somebody put Africa by Toto on the jukebox. Yeah. People were singing along to it. That's a great song. I'm saying. Oh, this is the Africa song.

That that's not even third best, I think he said. I think he, I was, because I was saying I like Hold the Line better. Yeah. Mike was, he was saying like not even third best. Mike came in a direct nonstop flight from Boston, parachuted in and told us that Hold the Line is the best Toto song. Everyone, not everyone, but I was just like, no, bullshit, it's Africa, blah, blah, blah. He went and put it on. It's the best Toto song. It's the best

Toto song. And you know that because everyone at the bar, which is literally just our crew, was singing it as loud as possible. It's so good. I love it. My voice, I sound like Meatloaf and Cher at the same time when I'm fucking drunk, dude. I love it. My voice, I sound like Meatloaf and Cher at the same time when I'm fucking drunk, dude. I love it.

Oh, dude, when I'm drunk. Love is in all ways on time. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm like a fucking fly ass Reuben Studd. I'm like if Biggie could sing. That's how I feel like when I'm drunk, I'm like if Biggie could sing. I feel like a fucking god, dude. Yeah.

Were you with me when we were at? You were. It was the Women's Comedy Festival in Portland. All Jane, no dick. Yeah, yeah. And we went to the after party. I still have it on my computer. We went to the after party, and I sang Hang Me Out to Dry by the Cold War Kids.

Yeah. And I was fucking feeling it. Dude, you've got to sing pop songs when you're fucking. Yes. Dude, when that song. What was that song? In the range pop songs. Oh, songs when you're fucking. Yes. Dude, when that song. What was that song? In the range pop songs. Oh, Pumped Up Kicks.

Oh. I used to get drunk and just sing that. You're the kids with the pumped up kids. You better run, better run. Outrun my bullet. Yeah, that's a dark, dark ass song. Yeah. Outrun my gun or bullet.

The billionaire song that Travis McCoy sung. Oh, yeah. There's so much. So fucking bad. But yeah, I fucking tore. What I like about You Drunk, I didn't hold anything bullet. The billionaire song. That Travis McCoy song. Oh, yeah. There's so much. So fucking bad. But yeah, I fucking tore it. What I like about you drunk, I didn't hold anything back. Yeah. Right.

It's on the table. You leave it all on the field, man. And that's what everybody on board lets me do. Like when everyone's drunk, I'm like, cool. So no one's going to care? Yeah. Because karaoke, I always get nervous that I'm going to sound like a tool. But as long as you're trying and you're not making fun of it, nobody cares.

That's it. But I can't do it. You can't do it long as you're trying and you're not making fun of it, nobody cares. That's it. But I can't do it. You can't do it? Sober? No. Oh, sober. No, no, no, no.

Something about comedy is easy. It makes sense. Yeah. But something about like I don't know what I get really self-conscious of what I'm doing with my body. Yeah, you don't know what to do. I don't know what to do with my hands. You can do the fist pump. But it never feels real. You can only do that a couple times.

I don't feel like I sing good enough to earn the fist pump. It's because feels real. You can only do that a couple times. I don't feel like I sing good enough to earn It's because we're not actually good singers, but we are good at stand-up. Yeah. So it's like when we're doing stand-up,

we're like, okay, I know how to do this. Yeah, this is fun. But when you're singing, you're like, I'm shitty at this, man. Yeah, because with stand-up, like with most things

I do in my life, charisma will just float me through. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't that great a joke, but I'm pretty charming. Yeah.

I'm going to get by. 100%. Yeah, he's not great at his job, but he's the funnest catch here at Target. Listen to him talk around the water cooler. You know, it's super fun. Everybody wants to talk to Steve. But you can't charisma your way through a song so much. No, you can't.

Unless you're like doing a Sinatra thing. Yeah, like a top. Hey. I saw this one guy rap Hotel California one time. Wow. That's weird. Shout out Tyrone Hawkins. I did a comedy contest with him. Tyrone Hawkins beat me. Yeah, we were in the Seattle International with him. That's weird. Shout out Tyrone Hawkins. I did a comedy contest with him.

Tyrone Hawkins beat me. Yeah, we were in the Seattle International with him. He beat me. He also called sex wet-wet one time. Wet-wet? Getting some of that wet-wet? Yeah. Trading paint?

No, it didn't feel good. But that's not the point. That wet-wet. I want that to be like ribs or wings or something. Yeah. It is true when when i'm sober i'm terrified to do karaoke like if i ever get a fucking late night spot in the city i'm gonna go do karaoke for like a week sober before that and be like no that's what being nervous is

like this is nothing yeah like some of that 9 p.m prime time karaoke and you're just got to get up and do like a celine dion song sober you know what it is terrifying it's because singing is there's no out on the vulnerability no i'm saying if i make a joke and it doesn't hit hey take my what like i can i can like finesse my way out of it if you just sing it's just you're just singing the only way through a song is through it man yeah you have to sing through it true you gotta put your shoulder down and get through it. Yeah, you can't go around. You can't suck it. I love seeing that.

And it's so vulnerable, which I really love. On my 30th birthday, we did karaoke. Were you there? I couldn't go. No, you couldn't be there. That's right. I couldn't go. We got this box and like a karaoke box.

Oh, you did the Korean style. Yeah, Korean. And God, just blah. I got cut off for one of the only times in my life. I was so good. You actually drank like seven flagons of it. For me? Because I drank with you.

You got it taller. I handled it. I was like, I was knocking over glasses. I got cut off at two different places that night. I can't even imagine what you were drinking. I wept at the Jupiter Hotel later that night. Nice. Nice, nice, nice.

I went through every emotion. I went through joy. Free sandwiches at Bunk. Shout out to Bunk Sandwiches. Bunk hooked me up on my birthday, man. Me and my family and friends were eating there. They just kept bringing out free sandwiches and pitchers of beer. I love Bunk. I'm 30 like a month from today.

Dude, you got to figure out the plan. I got to get cry drunk. A month from today, you're 30. Yeah. You guys are in Bridgetown. Fuck. This isn't for right now. A month from tomorrow, I'm 30.

Okay. May 5th, Cinco de Mayo. I'm a special little Mexican. We got to figure out something. The weekend before or after. Because that won't stand. No. We'll do something.

That's astonishing. Carry on. Carry on. Karaoke. Karaoke. Yeah. Incredible. It's so good when you're drunk.

It feels so good. I just feel like there's... I can't imagine anything cooler than being an amazing popular singer. Dude, I would... And you get to feel that for a moment when you're hammered at a pop and karaoke place if you go up and just knock the shit out of a song yeah i did people are cheering duet the other day well like a year ago with my boy louis weymouth at this place in uh in little tokyo yeah and just like you just have the whole place in your hand and you feel

you feel like a god i love it when you pick the right song too yes and then as soon as the song starts people in the bar like whoo yes and then you're like okay okay i'm doing it people get stoked and you feel your pipes you're like oh i got this yeah sometimes sometimes the the alcohol massages the vocal cords in the right way it does i can get raspy sometimes if i had a bunch of whiskey to lube it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, to get that, it's like oil for the engine. Get it in there

so the pistons can fucking bang out, hold the line. Man, that was a great sentence. Hold the line. So the pistons can bang out, hold the line. All right. You're singing.

Singing's my first one. With my second one, I'm going to go a little more specific. Okay. This is a specific one that I feel also envelops a larger thing. It's going to be... I'm going very specific. That's fine.

Most of mine are specific. Walking around, talking bullshit to people who you're only going to see for a second and then moving on to the rest of the night it's oh specifically some shit we do in las vegas when we're there or microaggressions michael kind of micro but also micro micro flirtations is what i would really call them you just walk by and you're like hey ian carmel conan a couple of conan sets you may never heard of me it's okay you keep walking just for a moment it's one of the most fun things to do hey what's up i'm sean i'm a comedian it's not a moment. It's one of the most fun things to do. Hey, what's up?

I'm Sean. I'm a comedian. It's not a big deal. It's so fun. I stole it. I'm sorry for saying this, but I fully stole it from Sean. No, no, but everybody, because it's like people just, it's so fun. That's so funny.

Watching people look back at Ian too, because he did do it in Vegas, and they're like, I don't, who are you? And then he's like, ah. You did so great. After the Kanye concert, just walking around like, hey, Ian Carmel, you're calling on Chelsea lately. It's okay, whatever. And then you keep moving. Don't freak out.

I've been on Chelsea lately. I wouldn't worry about it. It's totally fine. And then you keep moving. You don't even wait for any reaction. It's so stupid. That's so great. Like, I don't know, but you're listening to this now, listener, and maybe I sound like an asshole for doing it.

No. But that's because you're drunk. Everybody's an asshole. You're hammered, and it's so fun. It works with anything, by the way. Like if you, you know, like David Bore at basketball. I like to play basketball. It's not that big of a deal.

The stranger's just going to look at you and be like, I don't care. And then you're gone. You're out of their life. Then they're going to think, but do I care? Yeah. I bet you people, at least one person has looked you up from that probably

you just being like oh Ian Carmel big big thumbs down on the YouTube page it's just like confidence dusting it's just confidence dusting people yeah when I'm drunk is like when I'm the most like when I'm drunk is one of the only times I will like look back on things I've done and been like

hell yeah. Yeah. I mean, say that. I mean, that might, yeah. All right. Yeah, I got some stuff. But just knowing the people involved in this draft, I feel like that might come up.

But you feel so fucking confident. Yeah, this is a humble crew. You feel so confident. I love it. And whatever it is you do, it doesn't have to be common. It's funny. I'm so handsome when i'm drunk oh god i know what you mean it's like i'll look at like okay there was one episode of the fresh prince of bel-air and i always remember this where will looks in the mirror and he's like sean claude van damme yeah

and i mirror mirror on the wall sometimes when i'm'm drunk, I'll like, yeah, I'll like, oh, wait, which one? Mirror, mirror on the wall. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. And sometimes when I'm like washing my hands in the bathroom, I'll get a glimpse. I'll be like, yo. Dude. Mama Boris, baby boy.

Yeah. You look up and you catch your fate. I've given myself looks in the mirror too. Just like, oh, shit. Like sexy looks. Talk to myself like, oh, damn, what's up? Like that? face. I've given myself looks in the mirror, too. Just like, oh, shit. Like sexy looks. Talk to myself like, oh, damn, what's up? Like that? Like if I were to see.

I'll do that, too. I'll be like, damn, you're this hot. You're kind of fat, too. Yeah. Yo, that's the feeling, too. But you still got a leg up on some of these skinny weirdos, dude. Dude, in my head, I'm almost like, these dudes are lucky you couldn't have. These dudes are lucky you don't have a six-pack because it'll be virgin it'll be over

oh man i thought of the three of us just sitting there like charlie's angels but weird and just staring at ourselves in the mirror especially drunk like kind of sweaty red face totally probably not very attractive looking at that moment. Yeah, not good. Pit stains, dude. One sock is missing. Yeah, gotta be feeling yourself. It's fun. David Beckham in the mirror, dude. I don't know why I went with David Beckham. But yeah,

so I'm gonna call that talking shit to strangers. But not bad shit. Not in a bad way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun even at a bar too you saddle up to the bar you're just grabbing another drink and they'll be like look at that fucking hat on you you look like a million bucks and then you grab your beer and walk away

just sprinkling confidence that was like three different things I had or that basically I feel it alright that's my second pick David Borey it's time for your second pick my second pick pretty easy one didn't realize it until I feel it on you. All right. That's my second pick. David Borey, it's time for your second pick. My second pick, pretty easy one. Yeah.

Didn't realize it until I got a little older. Being naked. Ooh. Dude, being drunk and naked is... Dude, so my room is in the back... Speak on it. My room is in the back of my house, right? Yeah.

But I have a door in my room that goes to the side yard kind of situation. Yeah. And nobody's out there. It's dark at night. I just go out there and smoke weed. Buttass. Naked outside smoking weed? Buttass. I haven't been naked outside in a city for years.

Dude, it's like a side yard so nobody can see me. And I'm just butt fucking naked smoking weed. It's the best. It's like one of the. You just feel natural? What do you feel? I don't know if I've ever been naked outside in a city. I have, but not for like. smoking weed it's the best it's like one of the you just feel natural what do you feel i've never been i don't know if i've ever been naked outside in a city i i have but not for like a decade yeah

you just feel so free dude it's like but just in general like if i'm in my room or like yeah i'm just if i'm alone drunk i'm probably naked i'm rarely I'm rarely naked. I might have to try it more. Do you sleep with clothes on? Yeah, I sleep with clothes on. You're a big fella. That's weird. I thought most big guys sleep naked. I'll do at least underwear.

I sleep with mesh shorts on. No, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta. Full nude? Full nude. I mean, if I'm on the road or some shit. Yeah. You don't just crash on people's couches and get naked? But like, if I have my dr people's couches and get naked. Yeah, yeah. But like,

if I have my druthers, I'm sleeping naked. I like when you get your druthers. It's good to get your druthers. When I get my druthers, I like to sleep naked, blanket half on. All weekend I went no blanket sleep.

Yeah. How do you feel? It felt amazing. If the weather calls for it, I love it. Oh yeah, Palm Springs. Yeah. Windows open open no blankets

give it to me but it's got because i run hot too so i don't i don't mind it yeah i'll fucking take it furnace yeah man but yeah i'm i'm naked i'm a big old drunk i'm always afraid i mean i don't want to get too graphic but like the hanging loose i'm a i'm also not a boxer guy i wear boxer briefs yeah yeah i don't like i don't love a loose genital. No, I don't either. I don't know. But when there's no... I guess if there's no one around. Yeah, who are you supporting it for?

Let them free. You got to burn that bra, baby. The nut bra. Burn that nut bra. I would love to be naked outside. Dude, that is appealing. Yeah. Why can't we do that?

That's stupid. It's a good, good feeling, especially when you're drunk. Even if there's somebody there, think about how much fun it is when somebody's there and you're naked and it's just funny. You do the beat it up right dance from Baby Boy or whatever. It's just being naked and drunk is good. Sure. Sure.

I like being naked sober too, but drunk, I like it a lot. I'm with it. Yeah. I mean, I'm not with it, but I want to it a lot. I'm with it. Yeah? I mean, I'm not with it, but I want to be with it. Try it out. How can I be down? Next time you're real drunk, just hang out in the room. I will.

But probably because I'm so social that if I'm in my room, I usually pass out. Well, that's the thing is. I'll figure it out. That's the thing. It's not. It's a slow window. Yeah. Or it's a small window.

It's not like I'm not talking about all night. Or it's a small window. It's not like I'm not talking about all night. Like if I was a buff, if I was buff, I would be that dude who takes his shirt off all the time. Yeah. Because I just like it. Yeah, I used to like not having a shirt on. I would take it off and just wave it around constantly.

See, in Fat Guys, you just can't really. There's been a few guys trying to blaze the trail. But it's like Rick Ross didn't really do it. He's got so many tattoos that it's like what are you really fat joe took off his shirt at summer jam or mtv spring break and it was like yeah nobody wants to see fat joe yeah fat guys without shirts is usually not great yeah i mean it's not you usually even you even gotta let got to ease your lady into it. Yeah. When you're fat, you're not busting out shirtless the first time. Well, it's asymmetrical nudity is one of the problems with being fat.

Because you're not often fat in the exact same way. No. You know what I mean? No. I also don't like, by the way, seeing a dude with a six pack with, and I'm sorry if this is you, the uneven six pack. Oh. Bugs me out. Where it's like, did somebody break your nose?

Yeah. One ab is up higher than the other. I don't like seeing that shirtless either. I think we should all just wear tight tank tops. I bet you that kills an uneven six-pack motherfucker. Can you imagine getting to a six-pack and it's uneven? You just gotta deal with that? I might as well get fat.

I might be uneven. Nobody's gonna ever know. No one's ever gonna know what the pack's doing. That's like a potential on my side. I got hope. I'm like the Philadelphia 76ers. I've never thought about the uneven six pack guy and the struggle that it must be. It's a struggle.

Oh, man. Because he has to maintain that pack. Not only did he have to get to it. Although there are... And then you try complaining about having a six pack. And they don't seem to do anything. Like, I got my one boy, Sue Buff, and he just, like, goes to the gym with his girl all the time. So does my boyfriend, Trevor, who's a bodybuilder.

But they're always, like, fucking off Snapchatting and shit. Yeah, exactly. I don't think... I think if you're, like, thin and you just eat right, I don't think it takes that much to stay yoked. I don't think it does either. It's a diet situation, right? Yeah, I think most of it's diet. We're both looking at you like, why the fuck aren't you yoked?

Because it's diet, and you guys know me so you know that you know that's why drinking too much and uh eating taco bell which i'm trying to cut down on oh yeah so i can uh you know i don't know why well so i can have less fun i guess we know you're eating taco bell when you're drunk yep but what's another thing you like to do when you're drunk? Another thing that... Your second pick. I was just... Oh, so I like to do this just in general, but it's the best to do when you're drunk is to go to a house party. Oh, yeah. That's my...

When you're already drunk? My favorite thing. When you roll in drunk? We just did that because all of the social shit that sucks about a house party is gone when you're already drunk. Are you talking about Outback Molly Night? Yeah, yeah. That was a good night.

Outback Molly Night was good. Marissa, we invited you. You could have come to Outback and done Molly at a house party. It went crazy. You could have seen me cry and get a scratch on my eyeball somehow. I beat a guy up. It was crazy. And then you didn't remember.

I didn't. Somebody else told me the story. And I told Ian. And he was like then you didn't remember i didn't somebody else told me the story and i told ian and he was like i don't know maloy said that dude got his friend of the show mcloy said that guy got his ass whooped about a block down at like five in the morning really i said i didn't really kick his ass no no i was like locked to the couch this guy was being mean to girls he was being very shady and creepy with girls which there's nothing better than a justified ass oh god i would never do it otherwise yeah yeah proud of myself post post script yeah at the time i had no idea what was happening that is one of the like i remember that day we're at outback and solomon's like uh yeah there's gonna be gonna be a house party later and we're like what

and it just fucking sparked the night well first all we went to Outback Steakhouse I'd never been and we got up and out after we did two of these we got blue and onion like some young kings I think we first drank at the house we drank a little at the house but then we were drinking

then we went back to the crib and drank a whole bottle we were doing like a fashion show, basically. We were like passing out threads. Yeah, oh my God. Rock this, rock this, rock this. Yeah, you got me laced up for the party. Yeah, dude.

I forgot about it. That was the best. That doesn't happen with big foot shoes. David wanted to go home. No, it doesn't. That's why I loved it so much. I still flex with that sweatshirt. Dude.

I wear that sweatshirt. Because people fucking, you know, people are going like, yeah, do you wear a large? Yeah, I can fit into a large. Those people can pass clothes back and forth all the time like it's nothing i can be like yo i this is too much red for me i can't pull it off but you look great in it bang and then all of a sudden he's got a new sweat it was fucking fun that was such a good night yeah so you know listeners come hang with your boys yeah oh god and then have a house party invite us to a house party yeah if we're ever

on the road i open offer if i'm ever on the road in your town yeah all fantasy everything listener yeah invite me to a house party i will go no matter the town no matter the house no matter what you see them in town you throw house i need to know where the front door is at constantly but yeah i'll go yeah i need i'm gonna need just in case something pops up. Don't invite Steve who just got out of jail. Jail Steve doesn't need to go to the house party. He can stay at Outback. He was just in jail. Everything's fun.

Just being outside's fun for Steve. Do invite Chelsea who loves the black guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's just fun, too. You know. A good house party is where it's at. Nothing in it for me but the company. I love a house but i love the music i love the little dance i love the little dance

the little dance is the best that when no diggity comes on and like four people like oh and there's four people who cut it up yeah and they like there's a small dance floor that breaks out and most people aren't fucking with it i love that i love the uh snack table i love the heart of the snack tape i love the heart behind the snack table you know what i love about it they tried it's like this one bag of white of like the shitty tostitos when you bite them you're like this is all flour i like and i don't even know if you guys remember this at that house party some song came on and we were all rapping and ian like had his arms around everybody and we were just all rapping and Ian had his arms around everybody and we were just all rapping.

And it was so good. Yeah. I don't even know what song it was. They hadn't asked for it to a front lawn for some reason. Yeah, that was fun. And also, I like the front yard of a house party. If it's cool to chill in the front yard, go inside, enjoy the party, then come outside, drink the whiskey that you brought that's not for everybody.

Yeah, no. Just for you and your friends. Just for friends. Oh, that where it goes into and comes out of a backpack yeah yeah but then you brought like just for friends stuff you bought the bottle of ron diaz for everybody else but your friends are drinking the jameson yeah and that's how you know that's how you know that ron diggity that's how i started to learn i was a cool guy because i'd be at parties and people would be like hey come here yes i got water right of passage pineapple barnets in the truck i drink it in the truck with dudes. House party skull and bones, dude.

Yeah. The secret society. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, they pulled you into a room and like, hey, we're smoking weed in here. Yeah, yeah. That's how I knew I was cool. The upper deck of the toilet, you got fucking a bottle stashed in there.

Like, don't tell anybody where this is. You're like, I ain't gonna. Yeah, dude. I don't want it. I don't want you drinking it. I never even thought about that. That was a huge rite of passage. It's like people sharing their shit for you is like how you know you're cool.

Yeah. Fuck, now I want to go to a house party. I don't have to be at work in like 12 hours. Excellent pick. Sean Jordan rolling drunk to a house party. What's next? So, and I don't have any money, but this is what I find myself loving to do is just buying drinks for strangers. Oh, yeah.

I just. Wait, for strangers? Well, like just for people that acquaintances loose like, hey, you know, like I'll get a drink. Like, what do you want? What do you want? Just saying, what do you want a bunch? You know, what are we doing? Who wants it?

And then I. Barstool quarterback. And since I'm in the financial position I'm in, that always ends up sucking because I'm like, I don't have 40 bucks. I don't want to get rid of this 40 bucks. But you already threw it out. Buying drinks for your friends is the absolute best. That's something I love more than anything. But I got to include strangers in there just because I do that.

What I'm going to fold into this for you, because I think it's part of it, is, hey, we're going to do some shots. Yeah. You want a shot? You want a shot? Yeah. Lady, I'm actually flirting with you. we're gonna do some shots yeah you want a shot you want a shot yeah lady i'm actually flirting with you want a shot oh you want a shot you want one too yeah rumpleman's by the way maybe that's what it is that time some crazy shit like whatever the well whiskey is old crow who wants a shot of sambuca we're doing simple who wants a shot of sambuca we're doing gin shots that is that is a way more South Dakota thing than anything. What, Sambuca? Yeah, Sambuca.

What is Sambuca? It's like the black licorice stuff. Sambuca's that guy that Blaze is drafting instead of Michael Jordan, right? Yeah. We all do shots of him in South Dakota. Ford Fairland used to drink Sambuca milkshakes. It's probably good. It tastes like black licorice.

Yeah. It's like Rumpelmints. It's that stuff. It's real. I It tastes like black licorice. Yeah. It's like Rumpelmintz. It's that stuff. It's real. I've had Sambuca. Remember back in the day when it used to be like, we're having a party on Friday night. Like, bring what you can. A buddy of mine brought Sambuca.

Yeah, super bad style. Yeah. And it was fucking terrible. Yeah. It's black licorice. Yeah. It's gross. That's not good.

In the Midwest, they drink fucked up shit. Malort? What's that all about? Malort. Mike Malort. Yeah, my friend of the podcast, Mike Malort. What is Malort?

It sounds like puke. Malort? They only sell it in Chicago proper, right? Chicago shit. I've never... It's like some terrible... Oh!

I did have some with Kyle at his house. In Chicago? In here. In wherever. Kyle Canadian has some imported. Yeah! Shut up, Kyle Canadian. That that's right because he was telling me

that wait was it at his house or was it important we had it somewhere it wasn't me i wasn't drinking it it was like a dollar and all the bars in chicago or like a bunch of bars i went to it would be like a and i'm just there on tour so i'm like i don't give a shit right yeah but that shit is bad yeah i mean i you know drink it. Throw it in front of me. Get it down there. We'll get a round of it for acquaintances at the bar. That was your third pick, buying drinks for acquaintances. That shit is fun.

Yeah. David Boyd, building on the success of being naked while you're hammered. And this is, you know, gotta be who I gotta be. So this is, and this has happened to me a lot. It's fairly specific. Making elaborate plans for the next day. Sure. Totally.

With people you don't know that well. Yep. I've had so many fun adventures. I've gone rattlesnake hunting. You actually go do them. You follow through on them? Yeah. I have never once followed through.

I've done it quite a few times. I never. I always regret it so much. I've followed quite a few. This is why you have so many crazy stories. Yeah, that is a lot of it. You went rattlesnake hunting? Yeah, in Oklahoma.

Wow. It kind of a... Did you see any rattlesnakes? No, I was just sitting in the truck while continuing getting drunk. You know, this hat bequeathed to me by Ian Carmel, friend of the show. He's got a rattlesnake on it.

He's got a rattlesnake on it. I want that. He's the rattler. I can't get a hat like that. Sean Jones is the rattlesnake on him. He's got a rattlesnake on him. He's the rattler. I gotta get a hat like that. Sean Jones is the rattlesnake. The rattler. You hear that, ladies? You hear that, ladies?

You hear that, ladies? I'm a binges. I love making elaborate plans for the next show. It's so much fun. I've gone, going to the racetrack. I've done all kinds, which we should make a racetrack. Yeah, yeah. The one in Pasadena?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have planned 10,000 hikes while drunk and gone on none of them see that's the thing is i follow through so it's never a hike yeah i'm never like let's go you're have enough sense to be like no yeah the worst i've ever done is like let's go play basketball yeah oh on sunday dude those plans always happen yeah on like a saturday night and then it's like yeah we'll get up early there's always one dude who will hold you to it. I'm not that drunk. And you just got to say yes to the dress, you know?

I just will never be, I'll never talk to that person again. I don't respond to the texts, and then I have to block out that, I have to cut that list. That's smart. Then if it really carries on, you have to go wipe out their bloodline, because you definitely don't want to do- No, you got to kill that man. You have to kill that man. All those, I like when those trips get turned into a fucking trip to the mall

like it was gonna be a hike and then it's like nah let's go to the mall instead yeah just like let's just go but the planning phase is so fun it's so much

anything seems possible cause you're so agreeable and excited you're just like yeah I've never I'll feel like this forever I've never been to Stowe Canyon yeah I'm not gonna be

hungover tomorrow it's always like it's always like whoever is telling you the idea it's always an whoever is telling you the idea. It's always an idea people are so excited about. It's never just like, yeah, we can just hang out in my backyard. No, you've got to go.

It's always like, oh, you've never practiced archery? Yeah. Oh, you've never been on a mule train in the Grand Canyon? No, you can rent a quiver. It's fine. Yes, exactly. And you're like, I won't be drunk tomorrow. And then you do it, and you're pretty drunk.

But it's usually pretty OK. But yeah, the planning stage is so much work. Planning. I mean, really anything is possible. You set up an elaborate set. Yeah, dude, you come. You pick him up. You come.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You pick him up, and then we're going to go. I'll crash. You know what? I'll sleep with my jeans on, so I'll just wake up and be ready to go. Like that shit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, dude, I'm crashing into his house. Yeah, no, I'm going to go. Like that shit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm just,

no, yeah, dude, I'm crashing into his house. Yeah, no, I'm going to Jake's. I'm going to Jake's so I'll see you in a moment. I mean, if you have extra climbing gloves and then I could just watch

a YouTube video on how to tie an actual slipknot and then yeah, I think we'll be good. I'll watch the video on the way there. You said it's vertical? The face of the mountain's vertical?

Yeah, come by at 11. Come by at 11. We'll go to IHOP. Your phone goes off at like 7.45 a.m. Somehow this other dude woke up. And you feel bad? You've got 14% battery because you forgot to plug your phone in.

Yeah. You're like, how am I supposed to make this work? Your mouth is all dry. Your teeth feel like they got hair on them because you didn't brush them. You feel like you're going to have to take a shit, not now, but in a couple hours. You're like, I can't be in the desert when that happens. You smell like you're dead. Yeah.

I can't be in the desert when this happens. I'm going to're dead. Yeah. I can't be in the desert when this happens. I'm going to shit in front of this stranger today. Yeah, I don't even know. Just because I wanted to see where they filmed 127 hours. I will also say, in following through on those plans, a lot of times you realize you get that weird like, oh, we don't know each other at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the drive there, you're just like, oh, we're not fucked up chatterboxes now, are we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody put a nickel in me this morning. You just talk about last night, mostly. Yeah, dude. I know, man. Yeah, you covered everything. I thought we were gonna fight that guy, too. Yeah, that was

crazy. I still just went through a breakup, so, you know. Yeah, no, I'm still sad about it. No, I remember that, yeah. Yeah, I definitely texted her. That's tight. You told me to, so. But yeah, that's an amazing pic. That is perfect. I love it. It's tight. You told me to. But yeah, that's an amazing pick. That is perfect. I love it. It's so much fun. This episode of All Fantasy Everything

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And I'm going to go with talking to girls you'd never talk to sober, even though you know you probably aren't going to hook up with that girl. Sure. That's why it's so great. Yes. Because it's just fun to have a conversation with somebody when that's not part's so great. Yes. Because it's just fun to have a conversation with somebody when that's not part of the equation.

You're like, I'm just going to talk to this gorgeous person. I love it. And we're not going to have sex. We're just going to have a fun conversation and feel good about myself.

I feel confident saying right now that I'm a fairly charming person. Extremely charming. I know I can walk into a room and have a conversation with a person or two. When I'm drunk, though,

you know, when I'm sober, there's somebody holding that kite you know what i mean yeah keeping it on the ground there's always a windstorm but when i'm sober there's somebody holding that kite but when i'm drunk that string goes away and the kite is just flying through the air it's a charisma kite untethered to like yo you the places you'll go oh i just places you will go you'll end up up going to other bars with even groups of girls.

I've ended up at people's houses. Not like I'm going to have sex. No, no, no. But they're just like, you have to come to our house and keep partying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll come gigging, of course. Amy was telling me a story about when you guys were leaving High Plains last year. Yeah.

You guys stayed up all night. And she was like, Ian had half the airplane cracking up. Yeah, she said you were like the mayor of the airplane. The mayor plane, dude. You had the stewardesses sticking around like, what was that, Ian? I will say, I flew with you. I'm like, how are you?

I flew with you once and the stewardess seemed to like you too. Coming back from Bridgetown last year. You gave me a ride home. With my matching luggage? Yeah, with your matching luggage. Yeah, they loved you. Can we get some charcuterie for the wing, please? Yeah, charcuterie for the wing. I got it with stewardesses sometimes.

Yeah. Flight attendants. I just love that Amy said you were the mayor of the plane. Yeah, she was mad. That was the best part about it. Not mad, like Amy. I know, Amy mad. Yeah, yeah.

Like somehow you didn't earn this charisma. No, it's just luck. No, it is. It really is. But yeah, I love that. Just being hammered and being like, you're gorgeous. All I want to do is an interesting. Let's just enjoy each other's company for a while.

And I like being funny. I do too. I genuinely, it's fun for me to make people laugh. So when I'm all drunk, I just want you to pee your pants. Yeah. I'll just keep. You want to sit down and have a drink and be like, you're going to have, you're going to have a better time than you thought you were drinking this drink right now.

Yeah. Because a stranger rolled up on you. Yep. Not in a creepy way at all. Not in a good way. It's just fun. Everybody's into it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not bad. It's not like, there's no sinister. I feel like there's bad guys. There's definitely bad guys. And that's what makes it. There's tons of them. Yeah.

And that's what makes it hard to talk to women. and they're all right to be nervous or not skeptical maybe yeah yeah word yeah in all fairness sometimes in doing that you'll get shut down completely sure because they have to be games sometimes i'll try to talk to somebody when i'm all wasted and just be like it's always a duffel bag full of else yeah oh yeah oh yeah it's always somebody that you end up next to it's never really someone i seek out it's someone that i end up next to and we're both at the bar and i'm like hey how the fuck are you you know it's taken a while or a table over yeah yeah a table over well sometimes they'll overhear a fun conversation you guys don't like the lakers either yeah huh right dude i get you know what i get a lot when i'm all drunken out and about dudes that i don't know buying me

drinks i got that too dudes dudesudes. Dudes buy me. I love that. And it's cool. By the way, let's open this up even just for the sake of conversation to dudes. Oh, yeah. Just the charming groups of dudes. Everybody. Just drunk friends.

Just drunk best friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're never going to see each other. I love it. You know what I don't understand is how people don't have that. Gene, I understand not everybody's charming, but we were at a Laker game the other day, and this dude, so Ian had a Portland jersey on, and this dude in front of us leans back and is like,

ah, Portland, right? This guy hates Portland. He's pointing to his friend. He said it like five or six times, and we're like, yeah, man. You know, like smiling it off. That's the exact opposite of what I would do in that situation. Turns out his friend was from Portland Portland and he didn't say anything. But it was like an inside joke that we weren't in on, but we were just like, what are we

It was just the worst way to talk to a stranger. And it's like, we're all here at this game. We could easily have a fun, cool conversation. We're charming guys, though. Some guys are punch you in the face guys. Yeah, but he wasn't a punch you in the face guy. He was just a fucking idiot. God, he was just an idiot. Really bummed me out. Yeah, that guy sucked, man. and then they left and it was great but sometimes you get those cool when we were in vegas i got a guy's number yeah that guy from philly from philly because he was going to a fish concert we were going to the kanye concert and i was like look at us two ships and we got this i got his number

it was it was perfect because the guy said something about philly and he's like fuck philadelphia and they were just perfectly the perfect amount of joking with each other. They're like, fuck Portland. And it's like, yeah. Yeah, we love each other. Because I love a Philly guy. Yeah. I really do.

And you kept saying that. I love a Philly guy. I do. I love getting, yeah, wasted friends are the funnest. It's so fun. Because it's like, for that three hours, sometimes they're better than your regular friends. Yeah. Like, you're willing to tell them everything.

I've had dudes tell me crazy shit at bars. Dude's going through divorce, doesn't she? Oh, my God. It's tricky. Yeah, man. Well, here's the thing I sincerely love. What? I love working the jukebox.

You do. You take it over every time. You'll do that before you get a drink a lot of times. You'll walk straight over there. That's a good one. You'll do that before you get a drink a lot of times. Sometimes I will. You'll walk straight over there. That's a good one. Yep. Because then it's like, it's a flex because you're controlling the party.

Yes. You got the vibe of the party going. And if you kill it hard, people will fall back off of the jukebox. They will. They'll let you hold court. Yeah, because if you're not doing me wrong, then yeah, go for it. I love it, dude. I love setting up a party over there.

Yeah. Because I hate it when you come in and it's just like six white dudes in tech shirts dancing to Ludacris. Oh, that fucking sucks. That sucks. Or you go to the bar and it's like you're there to have a good time. You know, it's like a Friday night and somebody's loaded up eight Pink Floyd songs. Yeah, and you're just like, this is not a good time.

Fuck out of here with eight Pink Floyd songs. I want to you're just like, this is not a good time. Fuck out of here with eight Pink Floyd songs. I want to hear the remix to Ignition. Yes, exactly. This Vietnam vet used to come into the bar that I worked at, and he would come in at like six every day for happy hour, and he'd play six of the same Vietnam songs, like Still in Saigon, Freebird, just for like two hours, and lock it down.

He'd put like a 20 in there, and I'm like, Steve, everyone's bummed on this. Nobody wants to hear still in saigon five times we're not we're not in saigon dog neither are you you don't have to listen to that anymore it is 40 years after the fact my friend play presently in sioux falls yeah it was you know another thing that's weird is when you're walking to a bar and there's like if you're chilling and there's the jukebox isn't going yeah and then somebody gets up and plays something terrible yeah it's like you like that song it sucks you're gonna make us listen to alien ant farm real quick yeah that's what you wanted to do so selfish

because people who like those songs know that nobody likes those yeah they just play and turn around and look at everybody that's the most i ever want to d. I'll like DJ the British on After Party or anything like that. Yeah, you will. But I just want to go over. I want to play hits that people are going to like. I don't want to flex at all. I don't want to show anybody like, oh, what about this Modest Mouse song? Yeah, this strange French contemporary house.

Yeah, from everyone is nasty parlor tricks or whatever. Yeah. Dude, it's 1 a.m. People want to touch butts and dance to songs. Exactly. Give them that shit. They want to.m. People want to touch butts and dance to songs. Exactly. Give them that shit. They want to sing along. Play ABC, goddammit, and shut up.

Play the fucking hits. That's what I'm into, man. True story. I love you. I love that shit. Yeah, don't give me the B-sides. Give me some fucking cuts. Exactly.

A-sides only. A-sides. David Borey. All right, so you are picking the jukebox. Working the juke. You know what I'm picking? What are you picking? Drunk, and I'm talking a What are you picking? Drunk.

And I'm talking a hard, I know it's come up a lot, but a hard Bridgetown night three. Capital drunk. Drunk. I love a good dance session. Yes. I was just going to say that. Because I also usually have a preacher towel. Yeah.

And then it's like, it gets crazy. Gotta have a preacher towel. Gotta have a preacher towel. And I just love it, man. It is. I didn't even know I liked dancing until I was like, we started doing dance parties at Dirty Tricks in San Francisco after our shows. And it was just like, and especially if I have some control over some of the music,

play Ain't Nobody by Chaka Khan and see if I don't lose my fucking mind. Like dancing drunk. I love it. And dancing with somebody that you're not trying to have sex with. Just dancing with somebody who's just like, me and you are just dancing or it's a bunch of your friends and you're just like, oh man. Like non-grinding dancing.

There's a place for grinding. Don't get me wrong. Right song comes on. Get that nasty back backing up dance. But that whole dance floor, that Bridgetown is a perfect example. Yeah. That guy Branham just sweating through his jeans. Oh, my God.

Through the polo. Yeah. His thin polo button-ups. That is my karaoke is dancing. I like getting drunk enough to where I think that I'm actually a good dancer. On your inside of your left arm. My karaoke is dancing. I like getting drunk enough to where I think that I'm actually a good dancer. You have that tattoo on the inside of your left arm. My karaoke is dancing. And on the inside of my right arm is a big picture of Steely Dan.

Like what they actually look like. Dan Fagan, dude. I love a good drunk dance. Have you ever, like wedding dancing? Oh my god. Where you like take your shoes off, it's a sock hop now? Oh, come on Aunt Kathy. I'm out there dancing with Oh, come on Aunt Kathy. I got four weddings this year.

Dude, I'm out there dancing with your 80-year-old Aunt Kathy. Yes. Just like, and we're playing that R. Kelly Hotel song. Yeah. She doesn't even know it. She doesn't give a shit. She's doing the juju beat or whatever old ladies do. Yeah.

They're doing that wrist dance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The old lady wrist dance. I take my shoes off and move on. We're having an after party. Yeah, that's the shit, man. I love it. It's so, it's just like a real human thing to do.

You know what I mean? It is. Just get fucking drunk and dance. It just feels good. It's crazy. There are certain things that you can't reason why they're fun. But dancing, certain songs sound good. You feel like. All of humanity can agree like, yeah, that sounds pretty pleasing.

Anywhere but at the club. Dancing always feels good. Because at the club, there's people who are people who are, like, good at dancing. Oh, yeah. And they went to the club to dance. And no, not to those people. I appreciate that. I love that movie Honey with Jessica Alba.

I understand the club. But I want to dance with a bunch of people who are, like, 6 to 8 out of 10. Yes. Or even 4 to 8. Like, yeah, yeah. Just, like, i don't want anything complex man just to rewind back to karaoke like it sucks when somebody's amazing at karaoke i hate it yeah because i know you come here every week they come alone sometimes yeah you're and you're not

you're here for a different reason than i am it's weird that's how i feel about great dancers like yeah like dance right and dance to the best of your ability. But I want to see these fucking moves, man. Don't stunt. What about when you're drunk at a party or a wedding and there's a couple who took Lindy Hop lessons? Yeah, and you're just like, get the fuck out of here. They clear the dance floor and you're like,

we're going to swing dance. Come on, stop it. Yeah, bro, shut up. Yeah, am I too drunk to spin your grandma? Yeah. Probably. That's what we're doing because i heard it through the grapevine is on oh dude my friend mike went to do the slide through your so the girl stands there with her legs open and he was gonna slide underneath the he took her out like a fucking bowling ball that's what i love we saw it from like a football field away and we're like oh and we ran ran over and Aaron's just on the ground laughing.

We picked her up and kept dancing. That's what you do. That's, yeah, dude. Fucking strike. Same talent's wedding this summer. Friend of the program. Friend of the program. Oh, man.

Is that going down this summer? No, last summer. I was the best man. So like dancing was the beginning of me not having any more like the weddings over. Responsibility? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. I love drunk dancing though, man. Always hits hits the spot i want to get hammered so bad

i really do too we're gonna get like the like the taco bell one i feel like with this podcast everyone's like you know i haven't drank in 15 years since i had steven and dude if somebody gets drunk and does all these things. Holler. We'll fly you out to L.A. Yeah, dude. We'll get drunk and do like each of our lists. Yeah. That would be. If you do all 15 things, we'll fly you out to L.A. and put you up in the Malibu treatment center.

That would be so tight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Passages. Sean Jordan, it's time for your fourth and then final pick. Oh, yeah. Okay. As it is a. Hey, a serpentine as a snake.

Is this a serpentine draft? Yeah, it's like how a snake goes. It's funny you should ask. So my fourth thing to do is I like to get drunk and put positive energy out into the world and talk about how much fun I'm having and how good this is

and how thankful we should be. I think that in general, but... Me and you have done that. We did that just the other night. We got drunk. Dude. And we went outside and we were just like, this is a great fucking time at old Malloy's house. Yeah.

Yeah. People don't realize it and live in the moment enough. And I understand life is stressful. I've never been more stressed than I have in my entire life than i am at in this period but you have to take time and appreciate how awesome and how fun how good everything is how good your friends are like when we all go out yeah it's the best for me i can step back and just get a panoramic of like exactly who i want to be hanging out with and that's fun i like letting people know i feel that way it's the tr truest version of you. Yeah. You're like that. When you're with people you trust.

It all depends on the people you're with, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, some people talk shit. When you're with people you really trust and you like and you're just like. Yeah. Yeah. This is dope. This is good as it gets right now.

It's a slice of life that not a lot of people get. You're like a preacher of the church of the world. It's beautiful. And it's good to do. It's good to remember that shit because it's too easy to get caught up in lots of the sauces where yeah yeah yeah that is that's probably my all-time favorite thing to do when i'm drunk or sober is just like try to make people happy have fun you know like hey how tight is this just randomly you know when you fucking rage it in a fun way it's tends to speed the world up.

It really does. Yeah. And it's nice when you do shit like that, it just like brings everything back down to regular world speed. It's like, oh yeah, enjoy this ride that you're on. Yeah. Yeah. It's like if like in the middle of when you were going down Splash Mountain, it like stopped

for a second. It stopped and they were like. It was dope, right? Yeah, you can just like look around. Fuck, man. Br'er Rabbit did it again. And then it's like back into the Splash Mountain part of it. What did you say? Who did it again? Br'er Rabbit. Br'er Rabbit did it again And then it's like back into the Splash Mountain part of it What'd you say?

Who did it again? Br'er Rabbit I thought you said Brett Ratner did it again Like you watched another Rush Hour on the way down I say that a lot Like if Brett Ratner's just making us laugh This motherfucker he did it again Brett Ratner did it again

Every time I see a BR movie dude He can't stop Tower Heist Brett Ratner you did it again every time I see a BR movie dude he can't stop Tower Heist Brett Ratner you did it again you fucking it's like a window to my soul

Brett Ratner at the top of that tower that's an amazing one and very very Sean Jordan that's the truest Sean Jordan fight

and your final pick my final pick to end the night on a drunk night I almost do this almost every time I drink is i go to the nike website and design shoes just to look at them oh my god just to look and be like and i sit there

and i'm like you know you're talented it's like stewart small i'm like you're talented you're good at what you do one of these days you will hit buy instead of close the window at the end of the night that is that is a really good one man that's man i do it constantly i feel like you do that all the time too i do yeah i mean it's so fun just to be like you know one of these days and then you go to sleep thinking like you're motivated you know maybe i will get up and go on that right i'm gonna do it now do it don't get don't do it too much you'll get pissed but do it the right amount of time it is fun they got like, they'll get ostrich leather. Yep.

Go fuck around and make some like Janowskis with ostrich leather. Yeah, I'll put those weird animal prints on them. I'm like, what do I got to match this though? Where am I going? Am I going to wear this to the Viper Room when I get money? Is that what I'm going to do? Is that where you're going to go? Just go stand right where we're going.

I'll go there for a night. I'm going back to Outback, baby. We're doing the whole Sunset Strip if I ever get money. We're having fucking Rainbow Room, Whiskey A Go a go-go viper room hitting them all paying covers drinking drinks being idiots damn i'd be into that yeah and then taking an uber way the fuck out of there because it sucks for anything more than three hours anything more than three hours i'm like you guys are fucking animals this is crazy over here i hate it uh that's an amazing i fucking love going to the Naked website.

Yeah, it's the best. It's a good idea. Goat app, which is troubling. Hey, Babori. So my fifth and final pick, things to do when you get drunk, arguing. Arguing. I love a good, drunken, bullshit argument. Like you ever just, no, like with your friends, just like, fuck you.

Mekhi Pfeiffer wasn't the best actor in 8 Miles. Yes, I love shit like that. Shit that doesn't fucking matter. And you're just like so passionate. What's the best Michael Jackson song kind of thing it's fucking Billie Jean you want to fucking go out on the lawn we'll go out on the lawn Ben Halen played guitar on that shit

I remember we were at Jay's bar once and Sam Jay was off on some crazy argument every time I have we get drunk a lot every time I get drunk with her it's the best she's the best at it cause she'll say some crazy shit and then make you think it's real she's like yo i thought snow dog should have won an oscar like and like you're like at first it sounds crazy it's probably

why she's such a good comedian at first it sounds crazy and then she'll lay out four compelling points and you're like like snow dog should it start with what no fuck you yeah yeah you have to like you have to look back inside of yourself when she argues. You have to be like, wait, no, I saw Snow Dogs. I know it was bad. You have to go back and look in the cookbook for a recipe you've been cooking by heart your whole life. Yep. Oh, yeah.

She's making me relearn how to make a grilled cheese. Yeah, you thought there was only the one way, but now there's the Sam Jay way. Speaking of that, by the way, Solomon Giorou just taught me, when you're making a grilled cheese, instead of butter on the outside of the breads, you put mayonnaise. I don't even put butter, though. What? I just kind of put... I might be swimming in two different directions.

I do a real... Trying to cope with this mayonnaise thing. What do you do? I do a real hood. I just put bread and cheese, like, Kraft singles on there. You dry fry it? Mm-hmm. Oh, baby. Why don't you just put it in the toaster? You ain't got to live with this mayonnaise thing. What do you do? I do a real hood. I just put bread and cheese like crap singles on there. You dry fry it? Mm-hmm. Oh, baby.

Why don't you just put it in the toaster? You ain't got to live like that no more. What's going on? You got to put butter on there. Maybe I'll go put mayo on it. He put hot sauce on a salad earlier. I was so excited to tell you. Oh, actually.

Let's get an argument. Also, good shit. Your buddy said I got my hot sauce in the mail. Oh, Marshall sent you some? Marshall sent me four bottles. We should shout him out. To Dirk and Sarah Marshall. So great.

And the Marshall's hot sauce. I put the basil one on my salad this afternoon. It's so good. It smelled incredible. It tasted incredible. Yeah, I dined you up. It's hot, H-A-U-T-E. Yeah.

Marshall's hot sauce. Yeah, it was so good. Friends of the program. They got this one called Ghost Pepper Smothered. Dude, really? And I got a Ghost Pepper Apple. And it sounds like such a Mack Weldon situation. Love Mack Weldon.

I'm wearing Mack Weldon right now. Shorts. You know what, Mack? Well done. Well done, Mack. I like that. That was very nice. He sent me, Marshall sent me, he sent me like a lot. Like he sent me what he was sending me and why.

Yeah. Like all the hot sauces. And he's like, I got this one because you're kind of a wild card. And like, it was so great. And yeah. That's smothered ghost pepper one. I got to try that. What kind of salad though?

I had spinach, cucumbers, broccoli, and carrots. Ian's face. I wish you guys could see it. Just like, broccoli, and carrots. Ian's face. I wish you guys could see it. Just like a hot sauce and rancher. No. Why does everybody always think I'm putting ranch on? Because it's the only way. Because I can see.

I don't think you're putting ranch necessarily. But like if you're going to put hot sauce too. Hot sauce and ranch. Hot sauce on salad is so crazy to me. And it was a good one. I think I'm wrong because you, both y'all and Amy and like a grip of other people, I guess, are into it. But I just think it's insane to me. You don't have to put salad dressing on that.

I don't. You know, I guess I started. You just eat it salad with no dressing? No, I put like an Italian or like a balsamic vinaigrette. A vinaigrette. Okay, so it's a similar situation. Oh, it's not. Hot sauce is so hot.

A lot of hot sauces are vinegar-based. Hot sauce is so hot. A lot of hot sauces are vinegar-based. It depends on where on the scale it is. If it's like Tabasco, which I've seen you do, that's crazy. Tabasco on a salad is crazy. It doesn't belong there. That is crazy.

It's like putting a saddle on a tiger. I get it. Yeah, it's just so simple. If you put Tabasco on a burrito with lettuce on it, and it's loosely the same kind of stuff. Cheese. They're both supporting actors. You know?

Fair. But every now and again, William H. Macy can drive the whole thing. I came out with French dressing on my salad one time, and it was a lot of it. And Ian's like, is that fucking sriracha? He was so ready to be so... No, I just did French dressing, but it's red,

and Ian thought it was just covered in sriracha, and I was like, no, it's French dressing. He's like, thank God. They put mayonnaise on the salad. Isn't that what a seven-layer salad is? It's like, da-da-da, mayonnaise is one of the layers? I don't know. I think it is. That might be a South Dakota thing.

God, is it really? Is that a chiseled sitch? It might be. It might be a... I want some of that chiseled. It's like a cold casserole. You know, the next one of these, I was going to do it this time, but I couldn't figure out how to do it.

But I'll make chiseled for one of these with whatever I guess. I feel like it cannot be complicated to make. It's more complicated than you would think. I don't think so. You fucking make it, then. I think I could. I think you could, too. It's pretty easy to do. I'm more complicated than you would think. I don't think so. You fucking make it then. I think I could. I think you could too. It's pretty easy to do. I'm pretty good at cooking. I believe you.

Hot sauce in the cell. That's a discussion for another day. In fact, it's a debate that will never be solved. The next time we get drunk, we could argue about it. We should just draft a salad bar next time. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, I was in the middle of taking my hat off and had to put it back on. I'm a really smart guy, that's a good idea. Yeah, I was in the middle of taking my hat off

and had to put it back on. I'm a really smart guy. That's a good idea. That is a really good idea. Buffet even. Salad bar, it's fun. What do you get at the buffet? Okay, yeah, yeah, all right.

Final pick. My final pick and the final pick of the draft. I have to go hyper specific. Okay. hyper specific. Okay. Hyper specific. Watching half of Beats Rhymes in Life, the Tribe Called Quest documentary,

and falling asleep while it's still playing on my laptop. I had a similar, like just watching half of like some dope shit. I get it. And you always know you're too drunk to watch the whole thing. Yeah, yeah you're always like there's no way but you just want to see so you want to see jerobi you want to see him talking a little bit yeah you just want to see my goal is just to stay awake like i just want to stay awake until the part where q-tip shows how he made the can i kick it uh-huh yeah he's just like you just want to watch the come up that's how i am like i just

want to watch scarface yes to where they're singing Push It to the Limit. Just the first part of Goodfellas. Yeah, yeah. And then I don't care. Straight out of Compton until they're done with the tour. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, you don't care about. Once they've already made it, you just want to watch the rise.

Yeah, I understand. Just watching part of a movie. Yeah, the come up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the good part. It's like just, yeah, yeah. It's like leaving the crusts off your sandwich. Exactly, yeah. It's yeah just the good part it's like just yeah yeah exactly yeah it's like it's like leaving the crusts off your sandwich exactly yeah it's just there's too much too many

choices like a lot of times when i'm drunk i'm real i i pick a lot quicker i'm like all right batman returns it is and then i watch a little bit i'm like saying it the same what i want right now yeah you gotta like move around you do gotta bounce around. Because I'll try to watch a TV show when I'm too drunk. Oh, no. But then it's got to be a movie. I'll be sitting there looking at it just completely zonked out. And it'll be the end of the episode. Why am I awake?

What happened? Yeah, you don't remember what happened. What happened, though? You were talking about choices, Sean. Can I throw a couple choices at you? Uh-huh. Star Wars. Oh, yeah. Nope. Yoda? couple choices at you? Uh-huh. Star Wars. Oh, yeah.

Nope. Yoda? Yep. All right, there it is. Wait, I don't even know. I didn't quite pick up on it. Heart of the Rock? Nope.

Soft as a sock? Oh, you got it backwards. Oh, damn it. Yep. Nope. It's E40 choices, dude. I'm so confused. You've never heard choices?

Have you heard choices by E40? Oh, yes. Star Wars. Nope. Yoda. Yep. Everything is nope and yup. Snit.

I can't. There's a lot of it I can't say. I thought you were talking about Choices, the Three Six Mafia movie. No. What? I've never heard of it. Man. We thought you were, yeah.

Same genre. What about the fact that up until like three years ago, and I know I've said this before, but Juicy J had an Oscar on his mantle and Martin Scorsese did not. That's one of my favorites. Do you think anybody thinks they're called Black Justice? That's what I call 36 Mafia. I mean, there's got to be some people. Yeah, I bet you like my Aunt Lynn would be like, what's that 36 Mafia shirt?

I'm like, ah, you idiot. I used to be really scared of 36 Mafia. I would get if they were here. I wouldn't do it at all. They have fangs. Aren't they from Memphis? They're from Memphis. They were way in Rap City.

They're like the first rappers to really talk about getting high on drugs. Yeah. Like, rappers used to talk about weed, but that was it. And Three 6 Mafia. Juicy J talks about, like, dipping joints in formaldehyde and shit. Yeah. That's what it is called. Sherm sticks?

Sherm. There was, what are they? Gorillapiss is another name for it like another name for sherm but i think i got that from juicy j like and yeah embalming fluid and formaldehyde like dipping your blunts and you're like dude how high are you trying to get i did have one weekend when we were dipping our blunts and codeine oh how'd that go that sounds like it would go... Ate a lot of ribs that week. Tricky. So good. Dipping your blunt in codeine and it doesn't... So you couldn't even tell if you were stoned or if it was just the ribs.

I didn't know what was happening. Does it just let you smoke it like normal? Does it let you smoke like it's not wet? Yeah, you just gotta dry it out. Yeah, yeah. Crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is buck.

Well, tune in next week for one of these stuff to do while you're smoking a joint dipped in codeine. The answer is exclusively fall asleep watching daytime television. Yeah, codeine ribs, man. Excuse me. You got that spliff? I want to dump in some embalming fluid and get lifted. Let's go over the stuff to do when you're drunk.

This was fun. Sean Jordan, you picked eating Taco Bell, rolling drunk to a house party, buying drinks for acquaintances positive energy and going to the Nike website to design shoes you're not going to buy. That was a great list and a super Sean Jordan list. Super Sean Jordan, super good list. David Boyer, you went with watching a rom-com

being naked making elaborate plans for the next day dancing and arguing. That's like most of my day. That's the whole night. That's the whole night. Most of my days encompass at least one of those. One of those. For me, it was singing.

Yeah. Talking shit with strangers. Yeah. Specifically naming your credits while you're walking by them. Uh-huh. Talking to girls you'd never talk to when you were sober, but talking to them even though you aren't going to hook up with them. Yeah. Just talking shit.

Number four is posting up on the jukebox like Kevin McHale on the low post and unleashing a dizzying array of moves. Put him in the torture rack. You put that jukebox in the torture rack. Put it in the torture rack.

And number five is watching half of a Beats Rhymes of Life but really half of a movie. Like the good part of a movie.

That is a fucking That is a you ass list right there. That was a good That was a good That was a good movie. That is a fucking, that is a U-ass list. That is a U-ass list. That was a good, that was a good, that was a good draft. That was pretty much us that are most us

and I was kind of freaked out. There was not any crossover. Uh-uh. Well, Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Well, I mean, come on, that's just. But if anyone had had it,

it was right to be. To allude to an earlier podcast, you know, as is all three of us. Do you remember when they used to say head for the border? Yeah. I miss those days.

Yeah, well, so we can not have Taco Bell in the real Mexico where they definitely have as is all three of us do you remember when they used to say head for the border yeah I miss those dudes now they live mas so we can not have Taco Bell in the real Mexico where they definitely have real Mexican food and not Taco Bell are burritos even I don't think burritos

are Mexican food I don't know I don't know man I have no idea I feel like a lot of the stuff we know is Mexican food they don't eat

as much down there what do you mean you don't have any shredded mini chicken quesadillas well that's just I don't think we eat a bunch of cheese either no mean you don't have any shredded mini chicken quesadillas? Well, that's just not going to do it. I don't think we eat a bunch of cheese either. No.

I do. I'm going to eat a bag of cheese after this. Fuck. Diet be damned. Shredded? Serious looks. Yeah, shredded. I think I'm going to make some homemade burritos.

It would be weird if it was a bag of cheese and it wasn't. Just a bunch of blocks. Loose. Huge bag. No, just loose shredded. Like a laundry bag. I'll clean it up tomorrow. Don't worry.

I'm just going to eat this loose shredded cheese on the couch. We'll be it up tomorrow. Don't worry. I'm just going to eat this loose shredded cheese on the couch. We'll be back next week. That was a hate gun podcast.