All Fantasy Everything - Summer Olympics (w/ Megan Gailey)

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Five rings. Five rounds. Let's go.Guest:Megan Gailey (X @megangailey, IG @bettermegangailey)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that threw out the first pitch of the Portland Pickles game last night. Heater, baby. No, I wasn't. I wanted to. And yet is wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates hat. That is crazy. Pulse kids comparisons coming?

I have been a student of the game ever since we went to the stadium and I've been studying skeins on how to smoke one right over the right over home plate. And I think I did a pretty decent job. I didn't burn one, but I didn't lob it. It was it was all right. Is there video like a two scene? There's video. It's grainy. So Laura is going to clean it up. She's got a great.

Great. Well, I think it's She's got a pixel. It's like one of the Iraq videos from back in the day. It's great. It is. Taking on a super camera from a couple on vacation. Now, have they always been the pickles? They used to be the cucumbers. The pickles are a summer, they are a unaffiliated, they're not like an affiliated minor league

baseball team. They're kind of going after that savannah bananas. Okay, yeah, okay, okay, now I'm getting it, now I'm getting it. So it's not like your farm team, like you got, like nobody? They don't send, there's not like someone from the pickles who you're gonna go So here we go the footage the person catching it is dressed as a pickle you threw it to a pickle Wow Yeah, they didn't give me a catcher. So I'm out there with no He didn't have a mitt they didn't have a minute catcher caught it they caught it. They caught it. Yeah Raw hand

What was I supposed to do like take your glove I thought they wanted me to throw it with no catcher and I was like, what are we doing cuz there was I was probably out there for 45 seconds with no catcher and I'm Like and no, that's how long it took for the applause to die down for 45 seconds with no catcher and I'm like, and no one. That's how long it took for the applause to die down, I have to say. Like you're the gentleman. Oh my, what if you nailed him in his pickle head?

Like that thing's tall. Yeah, I was about to. It was fun, I was a little nervous, hand was a little shaky. Of course, of course. Normally my hand is steady. That's what you found out about yourself. It does not shake, I found that out in prison.

That's only when I kill people. When I throw it for his pitch. It's a little shaky So okay, so you smoked it over the middle smoked it for the game or did you leave stayed for like seven innings? It was pretty good. Then we get back to the kiddo. It was fun, man. I Go ahead Who do they play the pickles? They were playing so last night It was the Portland pickle all-Stars versus the Portland Rosebuds. It seemed like an exhibition game.

They put in a pinch runner who was a 14 year old girl at the top of the seven. Okay, Sean, every detail that's coming out is making me feel like maybe they thought you had like a deadly illness. So. We gotta get this game together. You had like a deadly illness. We gotta get this game together. There was a foul ball and I lost it in the sun right away

and so I just put my hands over my head. It probably hit the bleachers a foot and a half from me and it sounded like a bomb went off. And you were like this? I had my hands over, Laura's over top of me and then she goes, I would have saved you. I was like, oh no. It hit so close to me. And then it was a brutal game.

In Pickle World, August 6th is Slater Candy Night. Oh really now. That makes sense, this is Northwest. They just had Dollar Beer Night the other night. It could've been a good idea. Oh wow, that's banned a lot of places. For good reason. Yeah, as it should be.

It's a wild move. But it was fun. They limit you to like one, right? Or two, is that how they manage it? Oh, I don't know. I just assume the lines were stupid and that you only got, you'd be in line the whole game or you'd just pay, buy a full price beer, you know?

They're doing great work over there. They've really engaged with the city in a cool way. Cause we don't have a AAA team in Portland anymore. There's the Hillsboro Hops who are like a Diamondbacks affiliate. Okay, okay. But they're 2A or something. Place was full, like jam packed full of people.

It was fun, it's a whole scene. The amount of baseball teams and the system is so confusing to me. Even as a sports fan, I'm like, like once I dated a guy who was on the Gary Railcats, I'm like, where are they? What league is that? How many call-ups do you have to get until

the fresh out of prison? Gary and Deanna? Gary and Deanna Railcats. I feel like that's a halfway house. That's what that is. And then his, and then he needed a- He said it's a halfway house. He needed an off- season job, obviously.

And he was a mascot at a roller rake. He wasn't paying the bills. This was two jobs that one man had. Yeah. A man that I said, yeah, I'll date you. I mean, listen, a real cat. He's a real cat. Once you get to taste freedom again, you get to see that blue sky, two, three, four jobs every day is gravy.

You know, you're not on the yard. He was a real cat. So he wasn't around the whole lot. Did he ever meet the parents? No, no. But I do remember, like, he he was like a really, you know, he played Division one, very successful baseball, was drafted, and then was on the Gary Railcats. And I'm like, what is that, how did that happen?

And he didn't live in Gary, he lived in Chicago? No, he lived in Gary. Oh no. Okay. He was like- You were transferred, you had a boyfriend who went to a, when you were in Chicago, you had a boyfriend in Gary? No, this is like like I was still at Purdue

Okay, that makes so then you're not that smart. Listen. It wasn't that serious. We weren't gonna make it But the Gary rail cats stuck out to me for kind of chic. You're living out of Bull Durham You're having your own little bull Durham moment there, you know, you're having your I guess what summer catch was that no What was the money? having your, I guess what, Summer Catch? Was that, no, what was the minor league baseball? Summer Catch was the Cape Cod League. Cape Cod League, yeah. And that kind of does make sense to me

because they go and they stay with a family and it's self-contained. But then when you start getting into unaffiliated minor league baseball, I'm lost. There was just this, Oakland has this team, the Oakland Ballers, who are another unaffiliated minor league baseball team. And they just got in trouble because they were, like,

putting all of their players in two houses that were next to each other. Like, so not enough room. People were, like, sleeping on the floor, eating ramen and everything. I think it's real fly-by-night. What does it take to own an unaffiliated minor league team? I feel like we could get going.

I think we could absolutely pull it off. Couple hundred G's. I bet you we could get in there. The Beaverton Railcats, the Beaverton Red. Does Elizabeth have a minor league baseball team? Of course not. They do now. They don't have a whole depot.

It's going to be like that college football team that wasn't a school. Exactly. Bishop, what was it? Bishop something? I, yes, yes. But then I'm always just like, how do you find other unaffiliated? Like, is there a message board? Is there a Reddit? How are you filling out your schedule? Right. How do you play? The Pickles are playing the Kelowna something hocks. I don't know. So I think they just you just find other fly by night organizations.

There's got to be a newsletter. So you want to grift together? You know, it's interesting. And you get this money. Indianapolis has a triple A team. Their name, Indianapolis Indians. They said not change it. Not. They said not.

Well, they don't file enough. They don't have a league making change. They said not high profile enough. They don't have a league making a change. Nobody's coming after us. There's no ruling body. So they're like. You need affiliates to make you change the name if you're unaffiliated. I'm like, that's just who we are.

I'd love to see some affiliates come down here and try to make us change our name. They're probably affiliated. Are they affiliated with the guardians? What's weird is they were, and now I think they're affiliated with the Pirates. Wow. But they do, they absolutely,

and they have like a real stadium, and like Razor Shine, do you guys remember Razor Shine? He was a baseball player. He was their third base coach for a while. Like, shit gets fun there, but they were just like, we're not changing our name, nope. See, that's what we gotta lean into. We gotta be like the Sioux Falls Irishmen,

just straight up. Big time. Just like the mascot is just like some bleary-eyed red-nosed guy. You can go find, go down to Tommy Jack's, go find your boy. They just go get a guy from Tommy Jack's every game. And bring him a half a glass.

Give him a half a glass of Rumpelmanns. A trail of Chislick. Guys, I'll stop my comedy career to run this team. We'll put it on hold. You gotta need stand-up before every single game. You just gotta get out there and make them listen. I'm not, but I will hire stand-ups to come do it. Stand-ups that I like.

No, you gotta hire stand-ups you don't like. That you don't like. Yeah, that's true, Puppet Guys. Yeah. Magicians. What a rough gig on the mound doing standup. The man who smoked one over the middle last night is Sean Jordan, Sean S. Jordan on Twitter, Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.

Sean Dre Dawson on the baseball field. Yeah, sure. Sure. Is that a real person? Andre Dawson. Andre Dawson on the baseball field. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Is that a real person? Andre Dawson. Andre Dawson is. Yeah. Is that a real person?

Of course it's not a Shondre. It's not a real person. I found all my energy burning one down the middle last night. Just to touch on it real quick. August 10th, I will be in Minneapolis, Minnesota with Zach Disconnie. August 11th, Sioux Falls, South Dakota with Zach Disconnie.

August 13th, Chicago, Illinois with Zach Disconnie. August 30th and 31st I'll be at Laugh's Comedy Club in Seattle with my damn self. So come check those out. Those are the dates, baby. I was watching the Olympics and there was an athlete from Sioux Falls. Was it a beach volleyball player?

No, who well Really? I figure I would have heard about this in the newsletter Yeah, Taryn cloth Taryn cloth Taryn cloth. She's from Sioux Falls Taryn cloth how old's Taryn cloth? Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it later Shout out to Taryn cloth. I haven't Sioux Fallsoth. There's also a gymnast on the like the Jordan Chiles. Yeah, Vancouver Washington. You know who else is an Olympian from Vancouver Washington.

I thought she was from Houston until they said Vancouver. No, Van Waa. Van Tuckie, dude. She was born in Oregon though. Do you know who's another Olympic athlete from Vancouver, Washington? Or who trained, or who lived in Vancouver, Washington? Donna Van Bailey. Tanya Harding. Tanya Harding, baby. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. For sure. That makes sense. There's also, there's a current athlete

who goes to Oregon State. God damn right. A gymnast, I believe. God damn right. Pretty wild to go back to college after the Olympics, wouldn't it be? Well, if you watch Michael Phelps movie, you gotta do something. Suni Lee won the all-around, then went to Auburn, then had health issues, had to leave, and now was back in the Olympics.

So, she had kidney problems, right? I think the NIL makes going to college a lot more accessible for these Olympians, because they can go get a free education and then on top of that, like cash in. Also, college is fun. If it's anything like NCAA 25, yeah, it's very lucrative. Let's just say my man's got a Nissan deal and I run for Florida, no big deal.

David Bordy is here, coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Where can people see you? Does this come out this Thursday? Yeah. My special comes out today, right now. Stop what you're doing. Go to Patreon. Well, don't stop what you're doing after this.

Continue playing this. Make a day out of it. Continue playing this in the background. Yeah, play this, yeah. Yeah, what if I just stream this nonstop? Like like number one people used to run win comedy competitions like that online Yeah, just have it on all the time. Well actually numbers don't matter to me as long as you just buy it once Patreon.com backslash David Bori birth of a nation you go to the patreon you sign up for free There's already like 35 videos

We have interviews and behind the scenes stuff and all kinds of fun stuff that went into the making of this Also, August 23rd and 24th. I'm gonna be at the Dallas Comedy Club in Dallas I got some September dates, but I don't know what they are. Watch Exploding Kittens. You're showing feet on that patreon, right? Brother, not even a tootsie It shows feet on that patreon right brother not even a tootsie Not even they got they got a pay to see these real Megan Gailey is here at Megan Gailey on Twitter at Megan Gailey on Instagram

Better better better Megan Gailey. That's right. I gotta on Instagram. Better, at better Megan Gailey. Better Megan Gailey, that's right. I gotta start looking this up. No, it's totally fine. Is there another Megan Gailey you hate to for that? There was, there was. Whoa, what happened? You absorbed it. What happened to her?

She got married and changed her name like a little bitch. Ah! Not me! Got married, said, CJ, get your last name the fuck away from me He took your last name, right? No, we just decided we just opted out We gave our son a hyphen. Everyone is so upset about it. Did you hide from me? I like it. Oh, we hyphened it and then like I hadn't seen a person Have a negative reaction to it until we were checking in at the Philadelphia

airport. And the baggage claim guy was like, same last name. And we were like, no, three different last names. And he's like, he's like 70 year old Philadelphia man. Like these fucking women have gotten out of hand. And then, and then he's like, whose last name is first? I go mine. And he was like muttering to himself,

like this country's over. Wow, that's the perfect place for it to happen. I can't help but hear three last names. Yeah. Well, cause the unified one is one. So, Gailey Toledano, Gailey hyphen Toledano. Am I a moron? It does sound athletic though.

Conrad Gailey Toledano sounds like, that sounds like, sounds like a wide receiver. Yeah, it does. I just recruited him to play for Colorado on my college football night. Absolutely. I would love for him, I want him there. Yeah.

Three last names for the ticket. Talk about an NIL deal. I'll tell you this, a lot of white, Yeah, for like the baggage claim. A lot of white cornerbacks on college football 25. Interesting. A lot more white cornerbacks on in the NCAA than there are in the Bros. That's true, that's true.

Now, a white corner I like, a white wide receiver I am historically opposed to until the Colts got one that I kind of like now. I feel like the Colts have, that I kind of like now. I feel like the Colts have, haven't they always had like a white slot receiver? Isn't that like a time honored tradition? No, it is. I feel like a white receiver's always very understated. Yeah.

He's always like, I see what the rest of them are doing. Yeah. I just line up, I do my job. Yeah. But a white quarter is not. Like a white quarter is like wrapping Kendrick in your face. And you're like, OK. Yeah, because he made it.

Yeah. He's at the top. He's playing with the corner. He's playing with the corner. That doesn't just grab him. No one cooler. Yeah. Like, what are you going to tell me?

I'm a white cornerback. I can't die. Even like Max Crosby. Like, I'm'm like you're so cool. He's cool covered in tattoos Max Crosby's crazy Yeah, I'm raps all the time. He's very cool Did you see great? Did you see that rap by Greg Olsen that like leaked when like Miami? Oh, yeah Oh my god, mr. Who is now one of the better I want to in my opinion one of the best broadcasters in the nfl right now Is out there talking. It is a pure sex rap. Oh, is that the fifth floor one? Yes. Yeah, that's it Fifth floor boys

Committed that to the wax who did they think was gonna listen to that? The fourth floor? The seventh floor crews. The seventh floor. Seventh floor. Every floor beneath them and the people next to them. Oh my God. I'm gonna try to find the lyrics, but we gotta keep doing our podcast in between.

Tread lightly. Yeah. Megan, where can people see you? I'm gonna be too. We're gonna keep doing a podcast in between. Shred lightly. Yeah. Megan, where can people see you? I'm gonna be doing a bunch of dates to opening for Chelsea Handler. Oh, the little big bitch. So I'm sure people already have tickets

and they don't need me, but I'm gonna be doing Charlotte, Charleston, Indianapolis, my hometown, St. Louis, Kansas City, Peoria, some place near San Jose at like a winery. We're gonna be having fun. Hell yeah. I opened it for her back when I worked on Chelsea lately, way back in the day. I remember.

What a joy it is to open for Chelsea Handler. Yeah. She rules. I'm so excited. I've written for her for some award shows and found her to be, like I've always loved her, an icon to me. And so I'm so excited to like, get to spend actual time with her.

I feel like, I hope I don't annoy her. I'm just, you know, like, I always play it cool. And then by day two, I'm like really all up in their face. That's going to be awesome. Those crowds are going to love you too. That's going to be. Oh my God. Drunk moms and gay men.

That's like my dream. That's the wheelhouse. That's my favorite. I have found Greg Olson's lyrics. What's your name? G reg. What you do. Get head. Yeah, how you do it drop my draws let her see my third leg

He was 20 on the seventh floor and you play you play tight in for the hurricane Third leg it gets worse from there to the point where I don't know how comfortable I feel Yeah Look it up. You can find it yourself. It's online. I've had a deadspin article Anything else you would like to point people towards making absolutely not my name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel across platform read t-shirt swim club Yes, that's it. That's all I got for you. I'm doing it is Sean platform, Read T-Shirt Swim Club. Yes. That's it, that's all I got for you.

I'm doing it. There it is. Sean, how's your checking in, where are you at in it? Chapter four and chapter four. Oh, you're reading my chapter and then Elise's chapter back to back. Seems like it, because I don't wanna forget what we just talked about, you know?

Nice. I've had a few people hit me up and people are doing both. I think you go one and one. That's what, that's my move. It's the national bestseller t-shirt swim club. Everyone from Roxane Gay to Shay Serrano to Dr. Jennifer Herringer. Also Greg Olsen.

And Greg Olsen. G-Reg dude. You read that on the eighth floor. Yeah, the seventh floor crew all bought it and that really pushed the sales. What's the big deal about the seventh floor? all bought it and pushed the sales. What's the big deal about the seventh floor? They just lived on the seventh floor. Which is like a really tall door.

It is a tall door. I think my door meant four floors and one was in the basement. Yeah, we were four. We were four. Four floors. Five at most. Especially for a school whose mascot is the Hurricanes. Like we gotta keep it low.

Keep it low. Also like a party school. But it's Miami, everything's a high rise. Come on. Yeah, that's true. The athletic dorms in Miami, they're not gonna put those guys with a beach view? Iconic football school.

Iconic football school. The stories that come out of there. Iconic football school. Iconic football school. The stories that come out of there. They gotta do a 30 for 30 just about the 7th floor crew. I bet that's been pitched. They talk about it in the, in the, the, because there's two. There's one from the 80s guy, like the Michael Irvin crew, and then there's one from those guys.

Okay. The 7th floor boys. I'm trying to figure out how much I should say about the, Those guys. Okay. The seven floor boys. I'm trying to figure out how much I should say about the, I'm gonna move on from I am. You're just reading the lyrics. You stop, your face is expressionless. That'll be a different podcast. Pick up the book, get it from your library,

you can get the audio book, you can buy it from a bookstore. Check it out. People are really, really digging it, and I appreciate all the wonderful positive feedback I've been getting. Outside of that, I have nothing to promote unless you're a television executive.

And then I'll be in touch. They're listening. They're listening. They're checking us out. We'll be at High Plains, we'll put that up as soon as we get a link, but that's September 20th. High Plains Comedy Festival. Doing this and doing a stand-up show together as well.

Then I'm pushing for a live auction draft. I really wanna do the live auction. With actual cash. With actual money. Now, we could talk about our plans to do a live auction draft, which are phenomenal, and I think we should follow through, but we are gathering here today instead

to fantasy draft the Summer Olympics To clarify this is one of our general drafts. We are not drafting Specifically Summer Olympic events, although those are in play as well While we were on the road we drafted Summer of Olympic events We think we'd be the best in where I drafted taekwondo. You fucking dickhead Megan Can I I have a second-degree why at one point held a second-degree black belt in taekwondo. You fucking dickhead. Megan, can I, I have a second degree, why at one point held a second degree black belt in Taekwondo and he didn't. Did they take it back? I thought it was like for life.

I've held a black belt too. I don't think they do take, David's got one on his mantle right now that says Bidisi on it. All right, let's not worry about where I trained. Do they, Megan, real quick, what do you think you would have the best chance at like doing well at Olympic events-wise?

I mean, like I played, I am a good tennis player, but I'd get my ass handed to me. Like even when I play with someone who went to like a division three school, it's like six oh six oh. I don't know. I think I would have to like, I think I would do a way better job at like hosting the opening ceremonies. There we go. Like, can I just be on camera?

I do have to say while we're on the topic of Taekwondo, I have two nieces, one from CJ's side, one from my side. Same age, both training at Taekwondo. I'm trying to get them to fight. They have to. That's amazing. Yeah. It's to. That's amazing, yeah. It's destined. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So one is undersized, small for her age, very smart. Yeah. One is big, brew, kinda dumb. And I'm like- I'm not gonna guess which side which is on. Taekwondo not, you want the speed, you want the- And so I'm like, what wins? What wins?

Strength or smarts? Smarts, smaller and smarts always. Smaller and smarts? Yep. I don't know man. Always. The other part of that Miami documentary is them winning a lot.

Yeah. Are they trying to get points? Greg Olsen was out there just cavemanning people. I don't know dude. Yeah, they were brutes. I don't hear it unless you say G reg. G reg, sorry about that. And his third leg.

I pitched this to both sets of parents. Been like, I want your two daughters to fight. And they're like, okay. Like they're not even like, Megan, that's outrageous. They're like, all right, let's see what the Buffalo teachers and the DC teachers, who's better? You should, you know what you should do? Old ass-kicking towns too.

That's tough. That's tough. You unhyphenate the name, winner gets the last name. Oh. Oh wow. Wow. High fakes. Wow.

All right, okay. And I'm gonna be hyping up my little Irish queen in the corner. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, this is for our family legacy! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The hell were we talking about? Oh yeah, Taekwondo. I was watching, so you guys have been watching, has everyone been watching the summer of the end?

I've been watching quite a bit, yeah. It's on in the back right now. I'm watching surfing. It's on all the time. Straight up. That surfing shit looks gnarly. It's the scariest. I watch it quite a bit. Yeah, it's on in the back right now. I'm not sure sir. I'm straight up That's surfing shit looks gnarly. It's it's the scariest. It's Colin. Joe's rode a wave I didn't know I could surf a lot of these comedians can surf. Yeah Kerr Braun all our motor cacher Andy was he Morgan Tracy?

A little white guy holding a boombox starts behind him. Just judged on every time I've seen him at an airport. Bruce, Bruce. Pen. Pen. Not Teller, but Pen's out there. Yeah. I want to amend, did anyone draft fencing when we took sports we think we'd be good at?

No. No, but I've watched a lot of it in the last three days. This is a live Cleveland episode that will come out on the Patreon at some point. Oh, we should put it out soon. We should put it out right next. While it's in the... This is coming out on the Patreon.

In Cleveland, we drafted Olympic sports we think we'd be good at. It'll be out by the time this episode comes out. Kind of it. Hell yeah, thank you, Zeke. Thanks, Isaac. I harbored notions that maybe I could have done archery. episode comes out. Okay. Oh yeah. Thank you, Zeke. Thanks, Isaac. I, you know, I harbored notions that maybe I could have done archery.

Zach Harper famously says he could become an Olympian in archery in like, if you give him six months. Having watched archery yesterday, China versus Korea, no fucking chance. Absolutely not. No way. Not anything. No chance in anything. You know what's crazy?

Harper really thinks that. No chance in anything, but especially archery. He really thinks that too, I guarantee you. Hook him up to a lie detector, it wouldn't move. He really thinks that. Isaac, were you watching South Korea win a 10th gold medal in a row? The only country to win the gold medal in women's archery.

Absolutely, yeah. I mean, we dominate every single year. I say the Royal we, when I talk about Korean archery, I do too. Cause I have a black belt in Taekwondo. By the way, Megan, amazing pronunciation on Taekwondo. Much, much better than these two guys. Well, I am, I am Sean and David. I think I'm not sure if you know, I am married to a man of Filipino descent.

That's obviously not where it's from. But you're an ally. I am and I like to really- Where is Filipino? Where is Filipino? Philippines. No, I said Laura's Filipino. I was kidding.

Oh, she said where is Filipina? I am also because of that. I have given birth to an Asian child. I have grown an Asian child inside of me So I now can speak Tagalog fluently because of that Also, I'm gonna say it one of the funniest bits ever Thank you. I don't know what you YouTube define that but Great bit. Thank you. We were we the Philippines does not kill it at the Olympics.

They have some gymnasts who all grew up in Irvine. Who are American. I just was going to say that. Who are American and are allowed to be for the Philippines because the Philippines are like, we'll take you. Help me out here. No. What, is that what happened?

No, you're on, dude. Listen, no, we're saying picks. Some of this is getting into picks. Okay, alright saying picks. Some of this is getting into picks. Okay. Some of this is getting into picks. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock-paper-scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock-paper-scissors shoot. Oh, scissors against two papers. A natural victory, Sean Jordan. As the winner of Rock Paper Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft.

Before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. What is that, Greg Walsh? I won't, I wanna say a pick, but it has to do with it. So, when you, on the floor exercise, no picks, but like, you go, you start in one corner, you go all the way to the end, and then you sort of dance for a little while, and then you go all the way to the end, and then you sort of dance for a little while,

and then you go all the way back to the other end. It's called a tumbling pass. And then you sort of do a tumbling pass on the other end. And then you're there for a while, and then you go all the way back. So sort of back and forth while lingering on either side for a while. Basically what it means, if you pick fourth in the first round,

you pick first in the second round. Now, Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Let's start with David first. David first. I'll go second, Megan third, Ian fourth. Hot corner. Okay.

All right. So I just sort of, I just sort of when they're doing the dance. You're doing all dance moves. Yes. You and I are when they're dancing. Ian and David are when they're sort of arms up, which I could do. I could do that part.

I always, I always think I could, but then every now and again, I'll try. This is like, I thought I was going to be able to do the windmill at prom. I'll see it. And I'm like, I'm capable. And then I try it. And it's like, no, I can't even point my toes. The way that a gymnast can. Oh, sorry. In a rented tuxedo? Also, also in an Olympic sport.

I didn't wear a tuxedom, I think I wore a suit. Where the Filipinos have a chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anytime, right? Listen, once karaoke, actually I think break dancing is in the Olympics now. That's what I'm saying. That's what we're gonna go about. Yeah, they got it.

Okay, okay. It's in two categories. If you break down all the other ones, it says all the events. If you've typed on break dancing or if you clicked on break dancing, it says all the events. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm doing. Yeah, they got it. Okay, okay. It's in two categories. If you break down all the other ones, it says all the events. If you type on break dancing or if you click on it,

it's in two categories, B-boys and B-girls. It's very funny to me that there's like a B-girls category in the Olympics. I got it. I mean, I assume South Korea's gonna show up for that one too. Yeah. Absolutely.

If my YouTube algorithm is any indication, they're pretty good. We come off the wound breakdancing. If the people at my high school, yeah. Every... I breakdanced. ...all the South Korean kids. Oh my God. I breakdanced. That is such a Northwestern thing. In my junior high school, they let the Korean kids...

Korean kids and the PI kids, during wrestling practice. They also let them break dance on the mat But they just part of the mats were just that I don't think they paid yeah, it was fucking nice with it man They were crazy. It was crazy doesn't want to watch breakdancing Yeah, if I was wrestling it looked way better than fucking having a black flag day or whatever We were doing for wrestling practice you Have you ever done, have you ever done two like double leg takedown drills and then look in the corner and just see joyous Asian guys dancing and then like what a terrible decision. I actually think it's messed up they made them be in the wrestling room because there's no room more disgusting

on this school property. Here's the thing. It was not so much a wrestling room as it was the auxiliary gym. Okay, okay. There was the main gym. So it had a lot of different purposes. Yeah, there was the main gym and then there was the little room next to the gym. We had a specific wrestling room and it was a hot box. It was so disgusting.

We did in high school. You don't want to touch a thing, you're going to get ringworm, you're going to get cauliflower ear. You're going to gonna it's just like The mats. It's so there's so gross. It's dank in there. I wrestled for three weeks because my defensive line coach said it would be good for a defensive line I was like, all right, great. Perfect. I'll do it And then the only other super heavyweight was the most I've told the story on here before was so disgusting like the worst hygiene on earth

Smelled like a foot like in the worst way and I had to wrestle him for like two weeks And then I was just like coach I cannot yeah I can't just can't one of us has to go and I don't think you can make him leave so I'm going Also wrestling is too hard to not be that fun Jim that's how I always felt about it. It's really hard, but kind of doing it right after football, when I was like in my best shape, I was like, oh, this is actually cool.

But the dude stunk so bad, I couldn't hang. It never, yeah, never did it. I don't know, we were in a big wrestling school. We had a wrestling team, but I'm really, gave a shit. Didn't really like it. It is fun. It was fun in junior high school, because you can just be bigger than everybody and half Nelson and win everything.

And then you get to high school and there are like other kids who were that good the whole time and then you're like, I think I just wanna play football. Wrestling kids are nuts, dude. Yep. So nuts. Wearing trash bags under their clothes.

That shit was so buck. That's a horny group. They would go spit. They would go spit to lose weight. I just hear them hocking loogies in the club before. hear him hocking Lou. He's in the middle of wrestling season, could pull his because he lost so much weight he could pull his neck skin up over his chin. Oh, that's adults were just like around adults. That's cool. They were stoked.

They were like, don't worry. Encouraging. Yes. I remember my wrestling coach holding up a bottle of Powerade and being like, I'm not telling you guys what to do. Just remember, this weighs a pound. Oh, that's wild. Gotcha, loud and clear. Yeah, I hear you coach.

Well, wrestling is an Olympic sport and we're gonna draft the Summer Olympics right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it and like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything

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the only podcast that has ever existed. This is it. Are you still doing your podcast, Megan? No, they've all been canceled. Every podcast I have, canceled. Done. It's fucking crazy. Were you doing one with Rachel? Who mazzled down to Rachel? We're just on a hiatus for her for her wedding. For her wedding. And because it's like a sport. so that one is called Sports Bitches. It's yourself, Rachel Bonetta and Sarah Tiana.

And like Sarah loves baseball. The rest of us are like, we can't talk about baseball for 60 minutes. So once we're really in the throes of like training camp, pre-season, NFL, that's when it gets fun. You know, late August. We'll be there Yeah, well, he's Purdue looking this year probably not great But that's okay, I mean we made it to the national championship in basketball

Purdue always finds some random dude. That is a good quarterback I like they just he pops up out of a cornfield Somewhere outside of Fort Wayne and they say you're in dustin and he throws for fucking 10,000 yards So we're always like fine, but they always they truly always do like dating back to like Bob Greasy They always find a fucking court Those are good quarterbacks. Drew Brees, cradle quarterback. So it is, the Big Ten is just so good, but we'll be fine.

I bet we'll make like the, I don't know, COVID bowl or something. You got the ducks in town now. That's tough. You saw the big duck got caught in the canal. I did. We're not prepared for those controlled rivers out caught in the canal. I did. We're not prepared for those controlled rivers out there in the Midwest. Sounded like slang for something,

the big duck got caught in the canal. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's about G-Wrek's third leg. It is. That's the seventh floor idiom. Yeah. I can't make it down for the Uber,

the big duck got caught in the canal, baby. We're gonna have to put some Windex on it. We are drafting the Summer Olympics. David Bore. You have the first pick I'm just I think that everybody does this. I don't know. I'd be surprised if they don't I like watching the Olympics watching Whatever sport and playing a little game called they got those over there You know what I mean? We're like, oh, oh, black people in Switzerland, huh? I see you, Switzerland. All right, all right, OK.

Yeah, yeah, it's a big one. Yeah, there's a lot of like, they're competing for the country of their grandparents descent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What's the rule on that?

Oh, boy. It goes both ways too, though, because it goes with like smaller, less developed countries where it's like, I'm pretty sure that's a dude from Texas. But all right. It is. Run for Botswana. It is. Those opening ceremonies where you're like, Angola has sent three athletes, and you're sure that's a dude from Texas, but all right. It is. Run for Botswana.

Those opening ceremonies where you're like, Angola has sent three athletes and you're like, and two of them are Dutch? What the fuck is going on here? Look at these guys. It's just like the Bahamas and it's one really happy blonde white woman and you're like, okay. Equestrian.

And she's like, oh, okay. I just love the, I love the loopholes because that is how the world is anyways, you know Yeah, because like the IOC is corrupt like yeah I think it's considered one of the most corrupt ruling bodies not even in sports just like in the world So it's like the IOC and then Chicago. Yeah It's like if you got enough money, we'll make it happen for you.

Yeah. And I kinda like that. Yeah. For sure. I sorta like it. It's just like, who fuckin' cares, man? Like, we want it to only be, we want it to only be people from St. Vincent

and the Grenadines on that team. It's not gonna be a fun, it's not gonna be fun. We're gonna miss their outfits if that happens, because they're not gonna send any athletes, right? Because they still have to qualify. That's what makes this so, that's how you get the South Sudanese basketball team, which is like, I'm like railing it.

Crazy fits. Crazy fits. Crazy fits, great team. This is the coolest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I love that. I love that about the Olympics. Because it's still, you know what I mean?

It's like, that's the world. We're going to do anything to win. Yeah. Yeah. South Sudan basketball team is just Lewaldang saying, we're going to have a basketball team, basically, right? He kind of like pulled it out of the mud. Give me a team.

Can they just like pick them up as they are like keep them all together and make them a G League team? Yeah, I would love that. That would be awesome. That's a great idea I think that's what they should do just but you're all together now and now you are playing for a spot to be the Hornets The only I mean JT Thor is the only person who would would have to take any sort of pay cut for that to work. And I think he might end up there pretty soon. Honey, Royale Ivy is coaching them? It's great. But yeah, they got that over there.

It's a constant delight. It's a constant delight while you're watching. And there are, and you are right, it is Americans going to other countries and being like, yep, this is, my grandma took a trip here, so now. Come on, here's how I feel. You can claim it in a bar, you can rev it at the Olympics.

Yeah, there's also, it's the Americans going elsewhere and then it's the don't look too far into why my family's here. Yeah. Yeah, it's the don't look too far into why my family's here Put a mailbox up in Germany so we use that for the mailing address and I'm on the team Well, there's that question and then also I do live here, but don't look into why my family lives in this country too far And then also I do live here, but don't look into why my family lives in this country too far Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, a lot of horse racers. We did not come here on a vacation. No.

South Africa's got some wild... We stayed. I'm an African. Pretty African. Yeah, I wonder if the US basketball team is like, huh, that'd be nice to be able to like play for your home country. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. A perfectly stuck gymnastics landing.

Wow. Oh yeah. It's just specifically off the vault. It feels like that's where they have the most thrust or whatever where they're just flying the most and to just see like a stop with that little nod over to the coach, it's just so icy. Were you watching last night?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Simone with that her foot, bro. I love, I know it's not great. I love an Olympics injury. Or maybe is that pigs? I'm sorry. I didn't hear what you're saying.

Oh, I won't say that any louder. No, no, no, that's all right. It'll come up later. They all walk like they got drugs in their butt. Like it's so clenched. What did you say? They just walk so, if you watch them walk, it's like their legs, they don't move.

Like I got drugs in their butt. I'm serious, it's crazy. I will say. Like they're butthole? Like they've keese their legs. Yeah, like they're trying to hold, like they're trying to got drugs in their butt. I'm serious. I will say like they're but whole like they've key Yeah, like they're trying to hold like they're trying like he's doing bugs or drugs Okay, I'm just saying because they're so yeah, that's what it looks like cuz they're so small and they're so muscular that Yeah, that's how they're walking with the heat doesn't mean they actually That's how I'd walk through the airport. Yeah, I do. I'm actually watching a man on, I don't know, the pommel horse right now.

That one, I care. Yeah. Sometimes sometimes I see a gal or a guy from a country not stick a landing and be like, are they going to kill them? Like, like the country. Like, I'm like, yeah, like I'm like, they got taken away from their family to like live at a school to learn how to do this. And they just kind of messed it up slightly.

And like, what's going to happen to their family? What's going to happen to them? You almost see it on their face, too, where they're like, I'm, I'm. It is heartbreaking. Or when somebody like really buffs it, when they like trip and have to take a knee or something, you're like, oh, oh no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the perfect landing though.

That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the perfect landing. No, the perfect. Is Simone Biles, like who is somebody who's as good as what they do as Simone Biles is at gymnastics? Cause it's not a long list of people on earth. I don't think there's a lot. Is Serena, is Serena up there like that?

Probably Serena. Probably cause like Simone is like doing stuff that no one... Remember there was the ice skater who did the flips? Yeah, that they had to bend. And they like named it. Like once a move is named after you. So it's like probably Michael Jordan to be able to like jump from the free throw line and dunk. Right.

Like he's... That's Jordan. You're doing a Jordan. You're doing a Simone What about that jumper when you kick the leg out to? Here are Here are the moves named after Simone Biles. There's the Biles on the floor routine The Biles on the vault the Biles to on the floor routine the Biles on the beam and the Biles to on the vault See let us get in there, let us get some names.

You're fucking it up. They just name them after the person. We should be able to name them like the old, that old razzle dazzle. Yeah, yeah. So is she like the best at what, so what am I trying to say? You know how everybody says you're the Michael Jordan

of whatever, is she better at gymnastics than he was at basketball? I think so. Probably. Because she's universally regarded as the, there's not a gymnastics than he was at basketball? I think so. Probably. Because she's universally regarded as the, there's not a LeBron really, right? Yeah. Are there people making that argument?

Yeah, there are. There are. There are, okay. I think so. There's a LeBron James. People are like Dominique Mochiano's the real goat or whatever. No, it's actually LeBron James.

He's really good. I think it sort of goes like generationally too. I remember like the Romanians used to kill it. Like a girl who is competing now, Nastia Lukin's dad is her coach. So it's like gymnasts, they just we end up phasing through them, but they are. But she I think is the best of all time. Oh, yeah. I mean who did the dead loop? She's got to be up there, right? Did see they banned it the dead loop like on the uneven boat

Dead loop. No, I've seen it. It's good. But I did was just reminded of the name Nadia Koman each. Yeah. Yeah She was one of them. She was one of the goats, right? Yeah, I guess they're Mary Lou Retton There's like a little there's people who are among the best of their time. We were just Carrie Strug. What was her name? The girl that landed on one foot. This plays into my first pick beautifully. I'm going to pick the 1996 U.S. Women's Gymnastics team. Yeah. Come on.

Fucking what? Goddamn Atlanta. That was a weird. Carrie Strug landing on one foot and then Bella Caroli. I was we were in a motel, my entire family. We were like driving to see my grandparents and all five of us were in one motel watching it and it felt like trans. The rowdy galey.

It was amazing. We were amazing. It was like and for it to to be in Atlanta, Atlanta. That was like, I mean, I was 10 years old so it was just like, oh my God. The devil went down to Georgia. I still can see that floor routine in my mind. They were just so incredible.

And for it to be these like young girls whose voices were like, hi, I'm so excited to be doing the Olympics. And then they would do like 18 flips and it felt like, oh, get up there and fall. Like it really. It was amazing. It was like the, Carrie's talking about, I'm just so excited to be here representing.

And then she would go do the toughest thing you've ever seen, just land on a broken ankle and just like grit her teeth through it. Yes. Oh man. That was, yeah. What a great summer. Amanda Borden, Amy Chow, Dominique Dawes. Come on.

Yes. The Dominiques. The Dominiques. Dominique Mochiano, Jason Phelps, Carrie Strug. Yes. Dominique Mochiano who famously divorced her parents. Right? Something like that. Yeah.

I did not know that. I have a theory that 1996 is the peak of America. I think you're right. It's one of the most influential summers of my life. I think the 96 summer Olympics in Atlanta specifically, and maybe even Carrie Strug landing, that is the peak of America. Yeah. Bro, I was in Atlanta specifically and maybe even Kerry Strug landing that is the peak of America. Yeah, I was bro. I was in Atlanta that summer. I've said it a million times. Yeah, the Olympics happen Also, I saw Nutty Professor in the theaters in Atlanta one of the best things that

Changed the course of my life Were you in that trash can bomb went off? Listen man, I was in the Nutty Professor, I just told you. And the movie theater, he's gotta take his stuff. I was in the Nutty Professor. Yeah. And like that's how good the Olympics were.

There was a bomb and we're still like best Olympics. Hell yeah. Best what? Yeah. Full on terrorist attack, we're like still so real and good. Wouldn't be America without it. Cannot fucking wait for the Olympics here in LA. Some of my buddies are talking about like renting their houses out in Canada town.

I'm like, absolutely not. Give them my number. I'm getting into town. I'm so scared. I was just talking a shocker about that. I'm scared of a, this is like not gonna be like positive. I'm scared of an, this is like not going to be like positive. I'm scared of an increased militarization of how they watch us. And like, I just think a massive event like this, it's different than the Superbowl because

they like build a bunch of stuff and they say they like build all this stuff and then it creates a vacuum after, cause it's like, okay well, we're not having swimming seven days a week now. Right. And so you have these massive buildings in these areas that like didn't necessarily want them. I don't want them to load all the unhoused people on a bus and drive them to Long Beach. That doesn't seem nice. And I don't want AI like scanning my face every time I go outside.

And I think the Olympics are like super, super intense and it changes the city. We're definitely getting AI scanned. They're not building too much for this Olympics. Because they already had it in 80, right? What I want them to do is tear down LAX and start over. That would be beautiful. Because I'm like, has the IOC flown to LA yet? I think they're trying to go Burbank.

Because if they have it, like I was like- All that goes through Burbank and John Wayne. We have no public transportation. We have the worst airport in the world. I'm like, whose dick did we suck to get these Olympics? I mean, go back to the IOC is the most correct body on earth. Exactly. Casey Wasserman was out here sucking dicks.

And we got stars. And it seems like the IOC from this Olympics must be obsessed with American actors. It's a lot of stars, man. It's a lot of stars. I don't think any of us are going to pick this. I mean, we're watching it on Peacock, though, maybe that's part of it.

I'm like, I don't care that Tom Cruise is there. None of us can't, I love Tom Cruise. I also don't care, like, a little bit of Snoop Dogg for me goes a long way. I wanna see him high every now and again. Do I need him doing commentary? Well, he was sitting with Jordan Child's family last night and I'm like, do they, I'm sure that's fun for a second

and then you're also just like, hey, I'm trying to watch my daughter do something. That's like the most important thing any of us have ever prepared for. Do you have somewhere to be? I mean, was it was it Jordan Childs? Was it Jordan Childs' dad who they had hooked up? They had his BPMs. Did you? Yeah, that's so that's I don't like you. That's broken last night because somebody was at one hundred eighty two BPMs? Did you guys see that? That's so, I don't like you. That had to be broken last night

because somebody was at 182 BPM and I'm like, get that person to work. That's not real, that can't be real. Oh, it was a girl who was 16 years old and I think they said that her parents are Puerto Rican and I'm like, no, get the heart monitor off of them. That is, it's gonna explode. I also like the dads, we were joking about watching last night

about the dads who refused to do it. Just like a lot of the blood dads, like you wanna, you wanna hook up, no. Absolutely not. That's so weird. I hated it, I hated, I don't need, like to that level of watching I don't need to know why the fuck do I need to know that it's I know your parents are nervous

You know what I mean? Like that's tick-tockable. That's what they're they used it to advertise long legs, too They were like this was the actors BPM when she first saw Nicolas Cage in his makeup. Yeah BPM when she first saw Nicolas Cage in his makeup. Yeah. That is. The corporate tie-ins are not going to be one of my picks. It's not going to get better either. You don't love that? Some of the old school ones.

Oh my god, yeah. Well, and that's when companies were pure. Come on. I drank so much Coca-Cola that summer. Probably still feeling the effects. Wheaties? Yeah, so much Wheaties. Oh yeah, like I just watched a Chinese gymnast fall off the bars and it's like, uh oh.

Dude, I was gonna say earlier, I saw Snoop do some commentary for a badminton back and forth. That was funny. That was very funny. I did think that was funny. My uncle is the Duke badminton coach, and he has won, I know, it's wild.

He has won, like- He gets paid for that? Yeah, he does. I'm kidding. Actually, he may not, he may not, he actually may not. He has won, like, a North American, like, he was, like, the number one badminton player in the United States at one point.

Maybe I'm good at that. I've never tried, but I feel like I might have the genes. I might have the genes for it. You got to get a shuttlecock and Conrad's hand immediately. Okay. Okay. Okay. Start now.

Start now. This dovetails nicely with my first pick, not dovetails, segues nicely into my first pick. I'm going to take becoming an insane fan of a specific team in a specific sport that you didn't care about seconds before you started getting involved in it. What did I know about US women's rugby?

That's one of them, dude! I know that that lady from Japan got a stiff arm to the face, that's what I know. Were you guys watching yesterday? She got hand-sticked like Madden 98, dude. I know that that lady from Japan got a stiff arm to the face. That's what I know She got hit stick like mad in 98 dude. It was oh My god, what's it? What's that woman's name? It's a lot Ilona. What's her? Oh god. Hold on. I'm gonna look it up Well, I follow I just followed her on Instagram. It was crazy watching that yesterday. Also, I don't think I'll ever, it's like cricket, I'm never gonna know those rules. I don't know what's going on in rugby.

I don't know. I played rugby for two years. I don't know where, it's like it always looks like someone's down to me. Like I'm used to if your knees are down or whatever, you're down, but then they can still toss the ball. Play never stops. Right.

It never stops? Not never, if it goes out of bounds kind of, but like. What's that thing where they're all hugging each other? A scrum. A scrum other a scrum a scrum So the one what you're watching the other rugby sevens, which is like a little bit of a stripped down faster version of Traditional rugby, but it never stopped. So when you get tackled, you just have to like pass the ball Backwards to one of your or the person can rip it away from you and then it can be ripped away Yeah, absolutely and then you cross they still have the goalposts

in front of the goal line, like it's football in the 40s, right? They do. And you can kick it through those, but you have to score a touchdown, a try, or whatever you have to, the ball has to touch the ground. So that's why you see them fall over and then touch. It's called a touch.

A little bit of slam ball mixed in there with rugby that's lana mar yeah is the fucking maybe the greatest american athlete of this first three days she was just fucking destroying people yesterday just like it's crazy Who is your mega who's your running back who now plays for the Baltimore Ravens Well, we have Jonathan Taylor. Is that no no with us. Oh, he was a Titan my bad Henry yeah, she's like Derek it's like watching not the Derek Henry of women It's like watching not the Derrick Henry of women. It's like watching Derrick Henry play rugby Well, and like so is there there's a women is rugby league like what are they doing in the when it's not the Olympics? They're still playing rugby and I think they're making so $36,000 a year enterprise rental car. Yeah, Home Depot

Home depots like we employ the most Olympians. I'm like that sucks. Yeah Home Depot's like, we employ the most Olympians. I'm like, that sucks. I wish they didn't work at Home Depot. That's terrible, because then it's somebody who won like a silver medal in target shooting, has to help you find the right pipe for your bathroom remodel. That doesn't seem fair.

That's awful. I need wood screws. You didn't point me to the wood screws. These are just the normal screws. CJ said last night, he goes, if you win a gold medal, you should get like $5 million. Thanks for what? Some more money than not. Cause it also, they were like interviewing

like a swimmer's wife and it was like multiple gold medalists. I'm like, I don't even know. And then I saw their wedding pictures and it looked like basic. I'm like, no, we got to get pumping them with cash. Yeah, it is wild. This is, this goes back to the gymnasts going back to college. Because that's one of the places they can do the NIL

and actually make some money. Because now all of a sudden. That's not deemed, because Olympians have to be, wait, no, there's no rules. Pure, but they can make money, no, because Michael, LeBron. LeBron. Yeah. But that's why it used to be college players, right?

Right. Because you couldn't be professional and now they're like, we don't care. And then we lost and then they, and then the ILC is corrupt and they pick it up. Change the stuff around. Yeah. They were like, this isn't happening again.

But it's the way you do, like that French guy, Leon Marchand. Love him. Swims at Arizona State University. And you know some rich ASU backer is just cutting that dude a check. I mean, he probably doesn't need it because he probably makes like Audemars Peugeot money,

all those French companies who love their gold medalist. But you know, that's how they make their, a smart way for them to make their money now is all NIL. Did you watch that Phelps movie about that? What he talks about just a few years after the, it's on HPO. It's really good. And did he get money?

You got to talk. He made the movie. Is that what you mean? No, but like he got so much money from endorsements post-Olympics. He did pretty well. Yeah, but they were talking about how that's hardly anybody. Yeah, of course. And for most people, it doesn't the endorsements are over like within the year afterwards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you're huge, you get kind of a long runway afterwards. But like, where's Apollo Ono now? He owns a Culver's. That was just, right. He owns a what? A Culver's. Well, that's a great line.

What do you own, Seth? That's also not true, I'm kidding. I was gonna say that. That would be awesome. But to go back to the badminton of it all, last night I was watching Bulgaria and China's doubles women's badminton. Classic matchup.

Fucking classic. I started rooting for Bulgaria, I think probably just out of some sense of xenophobia against China. China won me over so fast to the point where I needed the Chinese women to win. Where I was like living and fucking dying with them. And one of the Chinese women, like they were...

Badminton's insane, first of all. I was not familiar with your game. I have to apologize. When was the last time you poked around a shuttlecock? I think it was six. I don't know. I think we had to play. Yeah, kind of a sport we make fun.

It's hard. Absolutely. They have cock in the ball name. Of course we make fun of them. If you want like four volleys, it's almost impossible with a family. And my uncle is one of the best in the world. They smoke that shit. It's crazy. They hit it so hard and it's like somehow they know it's gonna come in in bounds. That doesn't make sense. Having a rudimentary knowledge of how tennis works and watching badminton you're like oh if you hit something that hard It's going to land in fucking, Florida. No it lands in the I don't understand it They put some stink on it dude they get it I don't know one of the women on the Chinese team they were in this insane volley like they were she ended up on the ground and

Still returned volley she fell over and did it from her ass, dude. It was amazing. It was phenomenal. And it's just. She's at the show. Not knowing anything. Handballs like this where you're like, I know nothing about this sport

and now all of a sudden I care so much to the point where my blood pressure's up. Why do we have handball here? Go to Brooklyn, they got it. No, it's a different handball, bro. Oh, it is? Are you familiar with Olympic handball? It's not wall ball, it's not wall ball.

I thought it was just like a really heightened version of wall ball, I really did. No, it's not a dude with like a piece of pastrami duct tape to his hand. Some guy's sitting on the bus bench. They put a fence up. I really thought it was handball. What is handball?

It's like... There's not some guy talking about it Ellie it's land water polo is the best way I can describe it. Oh Okay Yeah, it's I can't think of a ball. Is it slam ball? No, there's no there's no no tramps. No, it's land water polo. It's weird. Yeah All right, you just like all right, I'll check it out. The regions are good at it. My second pick.

Okay. I'm going to take watching. I'm going to take the inspiring documentaries. Damn it! That NBC produces. Those little exposés. Come on. Oh my God.

I fall in love with these people. Did you guys watch Sprinters? Yeah. On Netflix? Oh no, I haven't seen with these people. Did you guys watch Sprinters? Yeah. On Netflix? Oh no, I haven't seen that. No. I'm talking specifically about the like seven minute packages.

The human interests that are right before. And that actually, Ian, ties into your first pic. That's why sometimes you become obsessed. Because you're like, his mom is dead. Yes! Yes. I think we're talking about the same gym, male gymnast? I'm, it's always the mom is dead.

The mom is always dead. The mom is always dead. They have a baby, they're dead, but blown up. Like it's like so intense and I fall in love. It's, it's fucking, they really, really know how to hook you. And then they always, it's romantic. The Olympics is romantic as fuck. Yes it is.

Some kid from the Rust Belt with like a sunrise over the smokestacks and they're just like looking at me, here's where he went to high school and you're like. And they'll even do it for other countries. And I go, I'm fucking all in on Yugoslavia. I don't even know if that's a country anymore. Mongolian rock climbing, let's go. Let's go.

Cause sometimes they'll be like, oh, we're going to tell you about this like French dude. And it's like, you know, I don't give a fuck about this French dude. And then by the end I'm sobbing and it's like, does he, should I sponsor him like Flava Flav? Like what does he need from me? You're singing La Marseille,

you're fucking wearing a baguette eating a beret. I'm gonna stick with that. And I'm like, who is doing the, what producer is finding out these stories and then going and interviewing their childhood coach? And it just, because they do it on, they obviously do it during the playoffs for the NBA and the NFL, but their dad is good.

No, they're nowhere near as good. This is the A team. And what are they doing? I feel like this is like the A24 team. Like it's like a feeder team to movies. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if these people would go on to work in like 30s or 30s.

Like, you do Mongolian rock climbing, next thing you know somebody wrote Manari. I would. Yeah. I watched, I was watching male gymnastics. Yeah, it's on. And they did a piece on Brody Malone from Rock Mart, Georgia.

24 years old. Oh, that guy with the braids? No, he's a white dude. The man that messed up his first pommel horse? That's Brody Malone. That's Post Malone. This is Brody Malone. He's from, his dad is a horse farmer.

So there are these Georgia horse farmers, his mom is a horse farmer. So there are these like Georgia horse farmers. His mom is dead, of course. He competed in Tokyo, broke his leg, like had to learn how to walk again. And it's this inspiring story. By the end, you're ready to fucking jump through a wall of concrete for Brody Malone. They should put that hard monitor on you.

It would have been off the charts. It would have been off the charts. You're like, you've fallen in love with this guy, you're rooting for him, and like, and this is the other part of this pic that I love so much, that they cut to his first event, the one he, and they're qualifying, he's doing the bars where you like swing back and forth,

the uneven bars or whatever. The uneven bars. He blows it so fast. No. Cause they can't, they don't know what's gonna happen. You're gonna keep watching. I know what you mean. They got the hook to it.

They picked who they picked. They picked who they picked. He blew it immediately. They picked who they picked. They can't, I guess they can't afford to send the crew out for every. It was so fucking funny. He beefed it so hard.

And my apologies to him. They put like some beef footage of January 6th where like also he was at January 6th. Cause then you guys cut ties too. It's like a bad relationship where you're like, I wish I had known he was racist. They get you so fucking invested. And then this dude just like beefs it

as hard as you've ever seen. Just can't hold it. Just goes flying off like a slide whistle played when he did it. That happened to me before the Olympics. Watch sprinters. There's this guy from Georgia that they hype up and you're like, this guy is cool. And then he just doesn't even make it.

Is it that Matthew Bowling guy? No, it's something Gurley, I believe his name is. Todd Gurley. Todd Gurley's back at it. Damn, running backs do have it rough. Making more money in the Olympics now. Megan Kaylee, time for your second pick. Okay, well that was going to be my second pick. So I am going to pick the camera cutaways to their family.

I don't need the heart monitor. I just need to see and the thing is like I When when they show like the parents all I think about is like these parents have done so much for these children to be here like a Sacrifice that I will never make for my own child like if Codra baby He's got he's got he's got He's got badminton in the blood. They said last night a girl like went to her parents was like, I want to be in the Olympics. And the mom was like, you can do it.

If Conrad comes to me and says I want to be in the Olympics, I'm going to be like, Mom and Dad don't have the time for that. So if you want to like be an avid reader, or if you want to be okay at soccer, like we will support you in that. But like, they like move to different states. Like so many times they're like, the father and the son stayed in Virginia. They moved to California. I'm like, your mom moved to California so you could do fucking ribbon dancing?

That's nuts to me. So when they cut away to the families and you see and it's the moms are always and Then when they win and it's like I I like like seeing the family celebrate more than the athletes Yeah, kind of yeah the athletes they almost have that like They almost have that attitude of like it's got you know how athletes kind of have that it's God-given type of their sight They're psyched. They usually hold it together pretty good. Well and they're also surrounded by the people they just beat. You know?

So it's like, oh yeah, I mean like even like the swimmers have to like hug each other. I'm like, bitch, get away from me. I do not want to, I'm mad about my bronze. Like they- And hot. Yeah. Like now I just have to climb out of the pool to like with my hair looking bad Like the babies with the headphones like I just love I love a black dad

I love like a grandma who raised them like there's just not a family and they and then they all have I'm like Where did they get these t-shirts made like what? Like, where did they get these t-shirts made? Like, who designed it? Like, does their whole company know that they're on leave because they're going to see their kid in the Olympics? Like, there's just so many layers to it. Did they fly coach? Did they fly coach to Paris?

They flew coach to Paris for sure. They flew coach to Paris. They had to, there's no money in the Olympics. Yeah, and also all the first class seats are taken up by Snoop Dogg and Justine Bateman or whoever the fuck they keep cutting to in the Olympics. Yeah, and also all the first class seats are taken up by Snoop Dogg and Justine Bateman or whoever the fuck they keep cutting to in the crowd. Yeah, and then are they, where are they staying? What are they eating?

Like, what are they doing? Like, I just love the families. I always wonder when they're split, like, what's your name in the sisters who are swimmers? The one just one last name? Yeah, the Walshes. Yeah, what's their, how do you do that? How do you split that up? Like dad's going with, like, what? Yeah, it just seems crazy to me.

I guess at least you can drop both the kids off at the pool. At least then it's one trip. Yeah, you're just like, hey, your brother's really, really good at badminton, so you are gonna have to play now. Yeah, that's what you do too. Because I don't have time to go to two different activities. I gotta drop one kid off at the pool at four and another one like at football field at 4 p.m. No!

It's in the suburbs for sure. You just gotta find a barbecue. It's not in the city. Michael Phelps' mom was a single mom. That's insane. And I'm like swimming is like before school, after school. Like they just train so intensely and the parents have to just take on The schedule of what their child is doing. It's just so crazy to me. Yeah. Yeah, it's they it's it's remarkable

And you see it expressed on I mean when you cut to and you get the mom just like blubbering. Oh It's so amazing the best that is man. I can't wait to watch some highlights right now. I love the Olympics. Yeah. Excellent pick, Megan. Sean Jordan. Time for your second pick. I'm picking the swimming turnaround.

When they go underwater, I do a flip. Oh, that's a good one, dude. Because every time I go swimming, I'm like, all right, today's the day. I'm going to do the swimming turnaround. And then I do some weird flip. And then my butt hits the wall. Every time I go swimming, I'm like, alright, today's the day, I'm gonna do the swimming turnaround, and then I do some weird flip, and then my butt hits the wall, and I'm like, I don't know how to do the swimming turnaround.

It's magical. I love watching it so much. Can I say, that's never happened when we've swam together. We haven't, we've been in the ocean. Where am I gonna turn around in the ocean? We swam together in a pool three weeks ago. We were working out, we were doing an awkward sheet.

That was different. We were talking. And I saw you again in a pool in Phoenix. We were on, we were talking. Another no-turn excited. I saw you again in a pool in Phoenix. We were I was upset about the Airbnb price Megan. Okay, we got an Airbnb in Phoenix It said on the Airbnb it's like he'd a pool I email her and she's like it's 90 bucks a day to heat the pool Lost that somewhere deep. I hear anybody anyway, I digress. I don't get too hot Watching the watching the people turn around when they're swimming is magical

Yeah, I love it so much. I'll never figure it out Megan You guys are making lost audio on daily. I muted myself. I muted myself and forgot. I'm so sorry What you missed me saying was when someone says the pool is heated and then says it's going to be a certain amount of time and like you need to heat it like the day before and it's going to be that they're criminals. They are thieves. And this is why I single handedly want to bring Airbnb down. She said OK. So I was like let's get the pool heated and she goes it takes a day to heat.

Gonna have to charge you for that day. We're there for no that. I was furious. I'm still mad about it. Here I am, six months later, still, woof. Anyway, the opposite of that is watching people turn around in the pool. They look like seals or sea otters. I don't know how they do it.

I love it so much. And- Marshandfeller, this French swimmer, like Michael Phelps' record, he stays underwater longer than anyone else in Olympic history. Kid, they do that weird like, cause they kick off the wall and then they do that insane dolphin kick.

That's gotta get you some, that's gotta get you ahead a little bit. Like I'm sure the goal is to do that as long as you can. It is. I think so. I think that's faster. Also, so I was just texting with Shocker, shout out Shocker, Saman. I was saying, I. Also, so I was just texting with Shocker, shout out Shocker, come on.

I was saying, I was like, I bet you these fools in real life, I bet you they're swimming just as fast as I can run. And he looked it up and he said the average person swims at like four miles an hour and the average adult runs from like five to eight miles an hour. So, yes. That's like as damn near as fast as you would see

somebody jogging. Like if you saw some old person out jogging, that's how fast people are swimming. That's crazy to me. You can run faster than eight miles an hour. You can run, but you can jog. I'm saying like, like an eight minute mile is like roughly average, you know,

and that's about what they're swimming. Oh, I think a swimmer would, if you went, if they were like swim laps and jog at my swim pace, I bet you would tap out before the Olympics. Yeah, for sure. I think we all would, yeah. If they were like swim laps and jog at my swim pace, I bet you would tap out before the Olympics. Yeah, for sure. I think we all would, yeah. My parents went to the Olympic trials

that were in the Lucas Oil football stadium, where they built the swimming pool and they said it was so cool. I would love to see it. When I saw it, I was like, this is a waste of time and resources. And then my mom was like, it was amazing.D.

I'm going in 24. I'm going or 28 I'm gonna come stay with you dude Come stay I'm going to You can rent out my house on Airbnb I do have to if the AC I have to turn on the day before The company you can stay in I am gonna have to charge you.

What are these rules? Okay, well then I'm gonna have to piss on all the mattresses and break the mirrors the day before I leave. So can you imagine a hotel, a hotel being like, hey, if you want your room to be a temperature, we're gonna have to charge, I'll kill you. The only reason a B&B is danker is if you got a crew. Like we had a pretty fat crew

So the kick in it was the fun part But if you're like going dolo or it's like one of one or two people now tell Hampton in number tells you breakfast ain't there. I mean, it's like they got a breakfast. They got a hot They got all they got a workout room service. They're not asking you to do chores I know if the Hamptons got room service, but I know what you're saying I bet if you see a lady in the hallway, she's like, all right, I'll do it. She's like, it's 20 bucks. Candice turn into Burger King.

The swimming turn around. David, how about your second and third picks? Speaking of swimming turn arounds, here you are. The wet corner. The wet corner, dude. Oh, okay. My second pick is pulling the weird do you guys ever pull the weird Olympics all-nighter? Oh, yeah, it happened to me just the other night. I was up. I was played NCAA 25 my man I was watching women's judo. It's like 430 in the morning. I'm like what the fuck am I doing?

Made it you not sleepy not sleepy at all 430 in the morning. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? What's going on? You're legit. You made it. Jack, Jack, not sleepy. Not sleepy at all. But you're like, I'm watching it live. It's live. So excited. Judo don't put you to bed, dude. You have to push your way. I love it. Ever since I was a kid. What Olympics was it when we were in high school? Was that O2? When you were 28, right?

2000 was Sydney. That was a good one. 2004 was... Athens? That was Nag Sydney. That was a good one. 2004 was- Athens? I was noggin over when I was in high school. So Athens, I remember going- Athens was good.

I remember going to see the newest Exorcist movie with Sam Talon and Bubba Haas, and then coming back to Bubba's house at three in the morning and watching ping pong until the sun came up. Did Bubba Haas have a Bubba house? I don't get it. He had a pool, he had a pool.

Shout out to Bubba. Say? What is it? He was our center, great name for a center. Yeah. Bubba Haas is your center? Yeah, yeah, yeah, great name for a center. Sam was famously the tight end, very talented tight end.

You can't believe he tried to, what the heck. I would like to. He could have been a tight end at a high school, he's got a good height. No, no. He was a tackle. He tried to five hole us with it, with David, like somebody who was on the team.

If Sam was gonna bring that up, he should have waited for it when David wasn't around. Anyway. I'd like to follow this Bubba Haas, did Bubba Haas have a Bubba Haas logic down a little bit? Penis? Bubba House, I said. Bubba House.

He said he went to Bubba Haas' house, and I was like, did he have a Bub bit. Penis? Bubba House, I said. Bubba House. He said he went to Bubba House's house, and I was like, did he have a Bubba House? What the fuck, is Bubba has an adjective or what? I was just saying his name's Bubba Haas, David said they went to his house, I go, oh, did he have a Bubba House? Just a little play on Haas and House. I'm getting too deep with it, that's my bad.

I meant it to be on the surface, that's it. Also great team mom, his mom did team dinner. Chat at the team dinner, mom. Dude, oh, I love the fucking team dinner. What was she bringing? Lasagna? She, no, she, Megan, it was fucked up. It was like during playoffs, steak, mashed potatoes, those big plastic things full of 32 ounce Gatorades.

That's crazy. And so she was making, she was grilling steak and bringing it to the high school for you guys No, we did it at their house. Wow They had all the Madden's they had Madden with four controllers You know that so my house he did have a bubba house. Yes, they had to get that specially made I don't think they had the four controller even like even the cutaway to this mob, it's like, how is she feeding a football team? I never understood how she did it. That's 60 steaks?

No, that's, you're assuming that people ate one steak per person. Right. A hundred steaks. Yeah. How do you even cook that? Thousands of dollars. I don't understand. I don't understand. A lot of steaks fell off the truck. And the 32 ounce Gatorades. We just could take Gatorades. I took like four home.

Wow. Some must have been falling off the back of the truck at the Costco. I don't know what was going on. Because now in hindsight, yeah, she did ribs one time. Obviously tacos. Do you know what Mr. and Mrs. House did for a living? They were loaded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't, you don't want to. They had gas on their land because Sam tried to steal it all the time. Wow.

They had their own gas pump. Wow. Yeah, Sam would always be like, let me fill up. What? I've never heard of such a thing. Yeah, it was great. Well, rural, it's not in the country. Yeah, to be the teen mom,

you need to be bankrolled a bit. Sue Carmel threw down on a team dinner pretty big once. All the way. Willie Halliburton's parents, his dad was a Portland police officer. He played football at Kansas State. He was a cornerback. So he believed in, he believed in team.

He believed in team. Joined the Portland police, was a standup comedian. Three jobs that don't go together. He was a stand-up comedian. God damn it. Three jobs that don't go together. He was a stand-up comedian cop. What? I think his wife was a stand-up cop? How did he sneak past us? He was older than us.

He was like a Willy Halliburton comic cop. Yes! He was, uh, he was, uh, he was, I mean, doing standup when we were, oh, he has a Twitter? Yeah. So you can't, in 2024 cops should not be on Twitter. The comedian cop definitely shouldn't have a Twitter. He's like, listen. The one who thinks it's funny.

And he's not serious. Now he's the police chief at Portland State University. Wow. Okay. Maybe that's kind of like a... Maybe better? I don't know. Yeah, he's keeping the kids safe.

Shout out to Willie Oliver. Anyway, enchiladas at his house fucking ruled, man. Yeah, enchiladas is good. I gotta make enchiladas tonight for a meal train. Oh, interesting. What's the baby death? No. Oh, bummer.

Surgery. Surgery? Oh, that's an all right meal train. That's nice though. Somewhere between babies and death. Did you guys have senior dinner too? We had team dinner and then senior dinner and then baby dinners.

We would do seasonal banquets too, like the fall banquet, the winter banquet, spring banquet. And that was like all the teams coming together, you know? So then all the teams were sort of like showing off what they were, I mean, yeah, I loved. I swear to God, I played sports. I never even got a hint of an invite to one of these things.

I was not even close. They didn't invite Crips, dude. The Bloods ran Team Banquet. I was out. I don't think our high school football team was going to anyone's house. Maybe I'm not alone. I think they were eating at school.

I think food was being brought to them at school. Our banquet at the end of the year, like the football banquet where you get your letter and your pins and stuff like that, that was at school. But yeah, team dinner every week was at somebody's house. Maybe they were. I do a small school though, it was a small school. We did team dinner at hometown buffet once.

Wow. Whoa, somebody just picked up a check. We did an unsanctioned team dinner at hometown buffet once. Rick Alvarez puked, I'll never forget it. Yeah. He just gorged it, and then he just went right into the parking lot. Hometown buffet finished in the red that day, my friend. Yeah, yeah, I mean just gorged it Home-town buffet finished in the red that day my friend my brother used to put puke every time we went to Ponderosa

There was a ponderosa right across Right across from where we get her hair cut And every time you do Every time Michael, are you sure you want to go to Palladarosa? And he's like, yeah It's tough He's all bummed out like, where did we go? It is worth it It is worth it I used to barf in the parking lot behind, there was a Chinese food buffet that we called China Bucket

Because that's how we, you know, you just go in and just fill your plate like it was a bucket Every time I barfed Every time in the parking lot I'm like a goldfish. I'll keep eating as long as this in front of these are this is our Olympics. Yes Also, you grow to the size of your tank. That's right David time for your third pick. This one is weird. I don't know how to say it right I love the assistants. So like when they jump up to the uneven bar, the guy who pulls.

The spotter. Yeah. Or like the guy who swims down and gets the swimming caps if they lost them. Oh, they did a whole little thing on that guy yesterday. All those people. I love them. I love them. Unsung them. I love them. Unsung heroes.

Unsung heroes, they're always celebrating with the athletes too. As they should. Because he's right there. He's like, I'm right here, yeah, I'm taking a hug. They call that guy like SwimCat Bill or whatever. He walks past, he had this loud ass swim cap up and he like, not a clear body.

Big belly time suit. No, bitch, He's going bald. I mean, that's so French, though. I'm surprised he even has a suit on. Yeah. Oh, he was just hanging his dick out. But like, all those people where you're like, you know they love the game,

and this is like, it's like such an exciting thing for them to be there as well. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, it's awesome to see. I love, I love. But they're always so excited to be there. They always take it very seriously. Like I just, I love it.

They're sticking around as best they can. They're like, this is how I, this is how I'm involved now. Yeah, I love it. You know SwimCat Bob had bigger dreams, but. Yeah. Maybe he didn't. I'll tell you SwimCat Bob was on worldwide, worldwide television yesterday.

Yeah, he was in the Olympics as much as anyone else as far as I'm concerned. Ball kid is like I I it was a USTA event. And that was it was called the RC championship. That was an indie. They don't do it anymore. And I wanted to be a ball kid so bad, but I'm not fast. And I was like so afraid that that I was just either gonna fail the test or like Have a player scream at me because it's like those are important job I mean and you're running and you're throwing and you do you know, I mean there's a whole Seinfeld episode about it

But it's like those kids are and they get like the uniform, I thought they were the fool list. It is cool, it's cool as shit, it's cool as shit. But you don't want Pete Zampras taking a piece out of your ass because you like tripped and fell. No, no, and like they gotta deal with Jokovic, I'm not dealing with Jokovic, no way, no way. Cause he's hit multiple line judges and ball kits. What a stat.

I don't think it's an accident. Might not be. Yeah, I think you're right. And I think you're right. Famous schmuck Novak Djokovic. Unsung heroes. I mean, how about the unsung hero? The girl member when I think it was.

Where I have for it was one of the The country was a Chinese country host city. It was somewhere in China, I think. And for the opening ceremonies, they had a prettier little girl lip sync to another girl singing, because they didn't think the girl who actually sang it was pretty enough to be on TV. That's what Frieda Williams did. I'll tell you. Beijing.

They learned it from watching us. And it's like, how did we find that out? You know, like who leaked that? That never should have leaked. Never. And it's also like China, you have like the most people in the world, can't you find a hot singer? Yeah, we do it every day.

I remember when that got out and we were like, like, you know, any crime against humanity, like, yeah, we'll look the other way. They got pretty good trade. And they were like, they had a different little girl. Let's say to another little girl. That's not a humane country. We can't trust them. An excellent pick.

Sean Jordan, have your third pick. It's wordy, but help me out here. So, uh, third pick is me seeing where the high jump bar is and then thinking, oh, they didn't lower it to where someone could jump over it for the competition yet. And then somebody just goes and jumps over it where it's at. Gotcha. Oh, I understand. It's always, it always starts. You're like, Whoa, it's really high up there.

They gotta get that. When they put it there, I'm like, oh, they didn't. Yeah, I wonder how high it's gonna be when they make it a realistic height to jump over. Right. And then somebody just goes and does it. And it is insane. High jumpers are maybe the silliest looking Olympic athletes.

Like, basketball players are up there because obviously they're seven feet tall. They look like aliens, a lot of it. But like, high jumpers are so lanky. It is crazy. And the way they just- They're so lanky. Their lanky body just goes like a ribbon. It just over, it all just follows the same trajectory,

like a weather pattern or something. It bends. It bends. Oh, and it's- Even that, could you imagine that jump of like jumping up and then like, ooh? I've never done that in my life. No, I wouldn't even do that in a pool.

No, a second jump and then there's a second thing? Yeah. No, for me it's jump, and I couldn't tell you the last time I jumped by the way. I jumped the other day to warm up for skating and I felt like such a tool. I was jumping and hitting my hands on my knees. I was like, I can't be doing this out. Did you see that fence who started jumping in the middle of a match, like hopping at his opponent? Oh, really? Like a bug that's like a scorpion?

Boing, boing, boing, boing, he was hopping at him. I did not, but the passion in fencing has really surprised me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot to say this earlier. I didn't know that. The sword fighting. Yeah, clearly. I mean, yeah.

It's like, they're... They're like the three musketchie, and they're in France. Did you see that Italian woman? Like, just like, she, yeah, it's like they're like the three musket and they're in France Did you see that Italian woman like just like she like just going crazy the one who got wrecked by the American? Yo, yeah Some reason Italian athlete athletes make me laugh so hard cuz I'm just like where do they find the time? having sex and smoking cigarettes to train for the balance beam.

Yeah. Like I'm like what? They have that one sprinter who's just like a hot dude. Yes, he's so hot. What, they're fast now? Dude. Well, and he was on sprint term and he like wasn't racing. Yeah.

He had like the running yips. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I gotta watch this. You got, dude, you gotta, and my little brother's right up the age where he's a huge Noah Lyles guy, so that's who we're backing. Oh, Noah Lyles. Right, right.

He is 21, you know what I mean? Take out Yu-Gi-Oh cards when he wins and stuff. Yeah. Fencing. I like, if you watch, if you watch Sprinter, you'll love the Jamaican women, that's all I gotta say. Oh yeah, already did, but in. I saw them on a TikTok or something, like, just dancing.

Great, so much fun. One of them- The exact energy you want on a Jamaican Sprinter. Sonia Richards Ross, she married a Giants two times Super Bowl champion and became a Real Housewife of Atlanta. She was like, I think she was born in Jamaica, went to UT, like lived in America but raced for... Fuck, I don't know if she raced for Jamaica or United States,

but she has like four gold medals and she has like a bronze and something. She's like, I don't even take it out. I don't even know where it is. Like she's like, get that shit away from me. It's crazy how good Jamaica is at sprinting. Some people say, you know, they can't believe. That's one of those like, I, it's that like talent. It's something about like the

The most maximization of the talent inherent in your country, right? Where yeah America could probably like be the best Sprinting country year in year out, but some of our best athletes never get into sprinting in Jamaica It feels like if you're even remotely good, they, they're like, we're gonna find you. We're gonna find the fastest people. Well, I think it's a pretty easy thing to find out that you're great at. How the fuck do you figure out a kid's good at equestrian?

You know what I mean? How do you ever know? You go down the hill. Who's the fastest? You knew who the fastest kid on your street was? The best water polo players probably, if you had everybody start at the beginning of their lives training in water polo, those people in the Olympics

probably wouldn't even make, you know what I mean, like the 10th team kind of thing. It's just one of those, like you happen to do it. That's why I like to think we all could be there. We maybe just didn't find our sport. I think it's fencing for me. I love that fantasy. I think it's fencing for me.

I've been watching fencing and I'm like, okay, I think this is fencing for me. I love that fantasy. I think it's fencing for me. I've been watching fencing and I'm like, okay, I think this is the most attainable. I mean, I'm watching a chick with a rifle right now and it's like, no, that's not my sport. Yeah, I can't do that. I'd be so scared. I'd be like, this is heavy.

They're weird future fucking rifles. I think those rifles are lighter than you think they are. Now I'm just saying stuff that I like, I'm sorry. I think they're lighter. Because the mountain biking's in the water. Anyway, the high jump. Oh yeah, the high jump. Megan, we're gonna get to your third pick,

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Welcome back to all fantasy, everything already in progress. Megan Gailey is about to make her third pick. Okay. This one, this, this one is not worthy. The bodies. Wow. And, and like, obviously there's like the perfect bodies, you know, that you're just like,

how can shoulders be that broad? But then there's also like just different kinds of bodies that you just see so many, you know, it's like the opposite of the airport. When you go to the airport and see, you go, I didn't know they make people that shape, or with that hair, or with that combination of clothes You're just like

What? What? How did that head get put on that torso and then the Olympics that you're just like whoa? And like track and field hasn't even started yet. The track and field bodies are Great to be running if someone asked me to run on television in my underpants I would be like I need 45 million dollars. Yeah and and seven months Working with the Marvel trainers on those epic and they're just out like the butts like I almost thought about doing just the butts Because like the butts are so good men women everybody's butts are so

beautiful and perfect and Even when they're not perfect they are perfect because they got their butt got them there You know like the Olympic and it's got you to the Olympics. That ass got you to the Olympic. You know where some of the craziest bodies are from? And field. It's not even the track part. Track is crazy, but you get to and field and you get the hammer throwers and you're like,

whoa, whoa, uh-oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The shot putters, they just fucking like old Norse gods. The weight lifting bodies. Oh my God. They can all dunk, those like the dead lifters, they just fucking like, old Norse gods? The weight lifting bodies? Oh my god. They can all dunk, those like, the dead lifters, like who all weigh like 300 pounds, yeah, cause their leg muscles are like,

and they're so fast twitching crazy, that like, if you look up pictures of Olympic weight lifters jumping, they're like, they're getting air. Of course. Man, you know it's just going down at Olympic Village, man. Oh my God. Oh God.

That's why they give them those cardboard beds. Wait, what? They're just gonna fuck them to death. Oh my God, they have, well this was gonna be one of my later pics. They have anti-sex beds. That's right. Okay, they did that in Tokyo too,

but it wasn't, they didn't say it was because, remember all the athletes were mad because they had the cardboard beds and they felt like they couldn't get good sleep. The athletes are mad now too. Some of them are. Yeah, because the beds suck. Yeah. Did they make them so they can't have sex? They're going to find a way to have sex. I think they're sustainable. Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was so they didn't have sex. I feel like I remember. I mean, you don't think an Olympian is going to take it against the wall? In Rio. Didn't they make them? I feel like the US men's basketball team stayed on a boat offshore. Like they truly were like, we cannot have them on ground. We can't have you in Brazil.

No one's going to show up to the game. Like, I swear. This is some kind of maritime law. Too much sex. We cannot let 16 NBA players live in Brazil. Quite frankly, we don't have the insurance. The city does not have the insurance for it. That was the Olympic planners being like Brazil will beat us in 20 years In the Olympics if we let Kevin Durant Just walk around Rio They have an Olympic team full of half NBA players

The only people are having sex with the Olympic swimmers that are willing to go out to that boat. Yeah. Oh no, I bet you some groupies could find a jet ski. Oh yeah. Just a canoe of hoes. Yeah, canoe of hoes. The banana boat. The bodies are insane though. You're right. It's every different kind. Yeah. I'm like, I think she could operate just as well on her feet or on her, like her body

is this perfect, if you flipped everything upside down, it's like, she'd be fine. She'd be totally fine. She could live a normal life. Seeing her next to her NFL husband is so funny. Like, she is so funny. Like, she's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, is this perfect if you flip everything upside down it's like she'd be fine. She'd be totally fine She could live a normal life seeing her next to her NFL husband is so funny. She is just so

Little she is When they hug the coaches, I'm like they're just the tiniest little gal And powerful the most powerful And powerful. The most powerful. Time for my third and fourth picks, as it is a serpentine draft. With my third pick I'm going to take seeing someone from your hometown. Oh wow. Never happened to me. But Denver. Yeah, yeah, there's gotta be people from Denver. We got somebody from Island's Ranch right now. There's people like the Jordan Childs like being from like like Vancouver, Washington, or when there's somebody like from Portland

and you're like, oh, oh, oh, what? It's so exciting. They would do it, while I was doing, while I was playing the Star Wars collectible card game, these people were becoming Olympians. It can happen in the same place. Yeah, because it does feel like a far away thing so often, right? Yeah.

I just assume it all happens in Colorado Springs. Yeah. No, apparently it's happening everywhere. A lot of it does. Yeah, we had like a dive. We had a diver. I was like, you can dive in Indianapolis. Like, I guess. Crazy, right? I did it. But you can. We had a we had fencers because there was like a big fencing academy in Beaverton. So there were just like Olympic fencers hanging out. And there was a table tennis player P. Syping, who was just like in Beaverton, so there were just like Olympic fencers hanging out and there was a table tennis player P. Syping Who were just like in Beaverton? It was fucking crazy So seeing someone from your hometown. I love that and then I'm gonna take it. I know it's obvious, but I'm going to take

the opening ceremonies Yeah, I thought I could get it late. But yeah, just take I was gonna take it. Yeah I could get it late. But yeah, just take I was gonna take it. Yeah It's it's it's amazing. There's nothing else like it, but countries just showing out for the rest of the world London's was amazing China Beijing's was like fucking bonkers great And I love the France one was pretty great too. I like Celine Dion Celine Dion? Come on. Yeah, Celine. I liked it down the river with that faceless Assassin's Creed character.

I was swimming around in the background. Crazy. The individual or whatever they call them. I really liked Giselle in Rio just walking on a catwalk. We make models. That's what we do. Yeah, yeah. I was like, yes.

She's like, we're showing off the country and it is modeling. This is such an emotional walk for her. She's just doing like a cat. She grew up modeling right down the street. Yeah, it's great. It's just great to see what that country thinks of itself. I mean, the Paris one with the fucking Marie Antoinette heads where they were like, yeah, we killed our monarchy.

And like the King of Spain was watching. Just being like, oh. It's phenomenal. I just love the opening ceremonies. Megan, time for your fourth pick. Um, hearing other countries' songs. Oh yeah. We were talking about this last night.

We had a little Olympics party last night. Everybody brought something from somewhere else in the world. That's fun. Yeah, we were talking about this last night. We had a little Olympics party last night. Everybody brought something from somewhere else in the world. It was a very fun time. That's fun. Yeah, we were talking about that where it's like, I think that we do have the best song. You think? I don't.

I love it, man. Fran's a good one. I think Fran sounds so good. I was listening to Fran's specifically because we were watching women's field hockey. Yeah. We've just been catching what we're catching You just say I like I

Think we have a good one though. I think we have a top five anthem I think it's just we hear it a lot like at the Olympics but like when you when it's like someone from a kind of random country and the song starts to play and you're like, what is this song? And then they're immediately sobbing. Whatever the song is, you're going to cry. And then it's like, what is weird to me, when they raise the flags, they have the silver and the bronze next to each other. And I'm like, they're not the same. Why are they next to each other? Why are like, they're not the same. Why are they next to each other? Why are they? Silver needs to be higher.

I mean, second place is the first loser, you know what I'm talking about. No fear said it best. That's what everyone's thinking. Every time I see someone like somebody from like Czechia crying to their national anthem, I'm like, you don't know it either. I think they're full of shit.

Like you don't know that song. Or yeah, it's like you guys just got this song five years ago because you had no independence. Right. The war-torn country, so like, this is it? Oh, okay. You know, it's like the commander. So like, all right, I guess that's the name.

Yeah. Excellent pick. Sean Jordan. I like that little chest lunge that runners have to do if it's a close race. I like it a whole bunch, especially when somebody wins just by the chest lunge. It's that whole like, it all like busting through when it matters. Like it's some time people do it and like they didn't need to do it, but when it matters and they win by a chest lunge,

that shit's buck man. I mean, decades, however long you train and then it's, whoever just puts their chest out hard, it's so sick to see. Yeah. It's swimming. The results are by like a hundredth of a second. Did you watch that shit last night?

The top three finishers were in eighth, one hundredth of a second or some shit like that. They said like the top six were like the closest it's ever been. Yeah, and then they- A fingernail. They show it from the top and you're just, you're like, I can't call it.

And then they show it from the bottom and you're like, how is anyone not looking at their stomach? See, I was gonna say that. Look at their perfect bodies instead. But yeah, it was just that. Yeah, I mean, you could boil it down to the closeness, but in a race, it always, it's just fun to, I don't know, just that lunge out.

The photo finish. Yep. Yeah. We're picking up the pace, dear listeners, because we have a hard out. David, time for your fourth pick. Course building. Of all the courses, the mountain bike course,

the kayak, slalom course. Course building, I'm okay, I see. I just think it's okay, I see. I just think it's fun. I think it's cool where they choose to do things. Volleyballs in front of the Eiffel Tower. All that shit is like. That's crazy.

Come on. It's amazing, it's amazing. I love the actual mechanics of how they set it up. They're doing equestrian at Versailles. Yeah. It's fucking nuts. It's so beautiful. Yeah. The one I don't It's so beautiful. Yeah.

The one I don't like is surfing having to be, like it's just like, okay, so first of all, you are colonizers. Yeah. Second of all, like that, what? So like they're not a part of it at all. We were talking about that. And it's still gotta be there for 10 days, right?

I don't know, and then they're just with the surfers. And it's like part of what's fun is like Cocoa Golf, like meeting LeBron. Like that shit is so funny. So like not, they cannot sex, but like, um, like, you know, Roger Federer met his wife in Olympic Village. Yeah. And now they have twins. If I was an Olympian, that would be what I was going for next to a competition. That's like the, that's like JFL, you know?

Yeah! That's our Olympics. Yeah, that's what it was like winning. It's JFL if the clowns weren't there. Remember how all the comedians were fucking each other at JFL? Yeah, or like the agents or the bookers. Never got to go.

Don't worry. I had a boyfriend and I was sharing a room with my mom, but that's actually very- Your mom came to JFL? That's very sweet. Yeah, for one night. I met Blake Griffin at JFL. I was sharing a room with my mom, but That brings me to my last pick actually which is basketball players being taken down a peg I Love basketball. I Don't give a shit during the Olympics like whatever really. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. I'm like get the fuck out of here LeBron. I don't care. There's other stuff. It's like the one time I don't give a... like I know I should. The mainstream sports are a thing.

Yeah, mainstream sports in general. I just don't give a shit. Soccer specifically, I'm like you guys don't even care about this. You have one. It's the Olympics all the time with soccer. You have one this And then you have the cup of nations, yeah the World Cup and you have the cup of nation the fuck are you doing over it? It's a greedy. It's greedy. I don't I don't care. It's so it's like yeah golf You see the basketball players. I'm like, I don't give a shit that you look stupid in that outfit KD And that's who everyone cares the most about cuz they're the most famous and it's like no Not at all. I don't get out of here. I love them. Obviously. They're all I Can't get enough of the I love the basketball. I don't like the metal rounds I hope because the basketball dream team when I was a style is different. I love watching like fucking Puerto Rico

You know well who lost us out Sudan, but you're like you're seeing these like crazy collections of players Who play like different styles of ball and everything, you know? And then and then once it like Spain back in the day when it was the Gasol's Rudy Fernandez Did I tell you the truth? I don't think I'm a big enough fan of the game We have basketball a lot. We get 82 games. I like the women's team being there. I do like the women's team.

Yeah, it's cool. They dominate. But yeah, there is something where it's like, no, I'm trying to see my off-brand Olympic sports. Like, I never want football to be in there. I know there's flag football. But it's like, no, we don't want this mainstream shit. We have it already. It's like having your work friends's flag football, but it's like, no, we don't want this mainstream shit. We have it already.

It's like having your work friends meet your real friends. Where's that? And it's not as exciting to them. Like, if you ask any of them, would you rather have a gold medal or like win the NBA title? They'd all much rather win the NBA title. Of course. Now you don't want the gold medal to be secondary

in any of these sports and a lot of them, like soccer or whatever it seems like it's gonna be secondary. Yeah, for sure yeah I still love the basketball especially once it gets down to it once you get down to like once it's the US versus Canada or like US on in France or France Canada that shits gonna get then ego's gonna get involved. Yeah when it's the other color. I like the other country Yeah, no I get it I just like it's it's just not What I'm in the Olympics for I got you. I feel you people love it But yeah, I know you mean because I feel like that very strongly with like tennis and soccer and right where it's like

This is especially with them because they're so used to international competition anyway, you know? I mean, everybody is, but yeah. I guess last month's been- Tennis, tennis is kind of cool that they're playing for their countries. No, but no, you can't come for tennis because Nadal and Alcares are playing as doubles partners. And so that would never happen.

That is cool. That is like his idol. They're like two decades apart from each other and they would never be paired together. But I did just see like Jokovic beating the doll, like singles, I'm like I don't care about this. Singles is weird, yeah, you're like that's just tennis. Doubles, yes, I want doubles, I want doubles.

Sean, your final pick. However brief it may be, I like the feeling of world unity. It's positive and fun and I like it I like the positivity. I like the yeah, it's like I don't know. It just feels friendly And I did a joke about this on TV, yeah It's the most racist I ever am. Yeah. Me too. I want it. I'm like, I know those fuckers are dopin'.

Yeah, but it's fun racism, you know? I listen to a daily episode about it, and you got caught. Fucking hit Shay Gilder's Alexander in the back of the head with a hockey stick. You would not. You'd be all smiling. Yes, I would. You'd get a receipt and have him autograph it.

You'd be like, excuse me, Mr. Shay, and you'd be staring at the ground. An AFV fan did bring me an autograph. Shay Gilder's Alexander jersey in Austin, and if you're listening to this, I forgot your name, we hung out a little bit. I love you. Fuck you. Wow, fuck you, dude.

Fuck you until the Olympics are over. Fuck you, don't ever show up to any of my shows ever again. I don't know, I just got that feeling during the ceremonies. It was just so beautiful, everyone's happy, it's the whole world, I don't know. I wish there was a global ceasefire during the ceremonies. It was just so beautiful. Everyone's happy. It's the whole world. I don't know. Doesn't have to lie. I wish there was a global ceasefire during the Olympics. That would be nice.

I mean, or forever to be amazing. But anyway, I know it's not real. No, that was sweet. That was sweet. It just feels, it felt nice and positive, you know? There's pouring rain during the opening ceremonies. All that stuff. That was great.

That was cool. It also feels nice and positive. The gloomy rain. We win the opening ceremonies. All that stuff is great. That was cool. It also feels nice and positive because we win the most medals. Yeah. We're like, oh my God, the world is so cute. We are the best, but... Yeah, but it's a... A soup can, of course, though. Yeah.

If we were in second place, I wouldn't pick this at all. World unity. You ain't watching the same Olympics as I am, brother. Okay. Megan, time for your final pick. Okay. Sports reporters who never work, getting a job for two weeks every four years. They're bringing commentators out that I'm like, whoop. And then it's like, oh this guy's the expert in ping pong. And he's like, honey, clear the calendar. I am going to Paris. We talked about this guy is calling in sick to his shift at Circuit City right before the cameras start rolling because he couldn't get the

PTO. Like, and then he's fucking commentating like on Batman like the Oh, God, the woman commenting on Batman was like an old British woman. Amazing. Exactly who you want. That's awesome, that's a great thing. I'm like, Toreko, get out of here. Yeah, come on.

You don't connect with these people, Toreko. Even the gymnast people, when they show them, I'm like, oh, that's a poor gymnast, okay, okay. The swimming people, they use it. But it's like, yeah, these like obscure experts. And they're like, I talked to the Romanian coach last night. I'm like, how do you have these connections? How are you creating these relationships?

And you're not seeing these people for four years. The archery, whoever was doing it for archery, they were like, cause Korea, when they're playing China in like the final round had a couple that were on the line rather than in the target, but the line counts. And the other commentator was like, we're gonna have to see it. They are gonna have to get the judges in there.

And the commentator was like, we don't need the judges. Those are in, I can see it from here. And he was just like, so cocky. This dude was like, cause he's like, this is, I won't tell you anything about anything, but it's fucking archery I don't need to get the fucking judges involved in baby. He was so cocky. It was amazing. That's a great pick in time for my final pick oh The gymnastics floor routine music oh, yeah

Oh, yeah Kids oh It was crazy you listen that baby one more time one that one girl Was doing like the seven nation army weird supercut like yeah, so dramatic and crazy It's the same as the figure skating music in the Winter Olympics It's you're like who made this but the fact that it's a blaring Well, someone is trying to do balance beam because you're like it'll be I was watching like While like high-energy EDM Korean music is blaring And I'm like, how do you prepare for this? It's bonkers.

It's the most dramatic, insane music on the world. And they're doing like the most technically proficient shit to it. It's so funny. I love their starting poses. They'll be like frozen with their ass out. I'm like, yes, what is she about to do? It's the only music crazier is cheerleader, is team cheerleader competition music. Yeah

But that's that's my final pick the final pick of the draft Isaac. Do you have a pick? Yeah We touched on earlier, but I love shamelessly rooting for the country of my ethnic origin Yeah, despite being an American just being like go Korea like I'm an American citizen watching women's judo to cheer for America. No, no No, she lost but know what Mary I'm a Cormoran good for you. I'm so happy you were there I'm so proud you were there. That's a great name. No, if I don't even know if Ireland is like there I don't know what I don't Love sport there's the after party. I saw an Irish

I don't think they love sport. They're at the after party. I saw an Irish at one of them. Okay, okay, okay. I like for you to be able to say that. I saw an Irish. There's a pole vault up to the second floor of a bar. Um, complicated time. Okay, we got a boxer.

There you go! Of course. Yes, okay. Yeah, I bet we win in boxing. I bet we fucking take that. Yeah, you guys we win in boxing. I thought we fucking take that Yeah, you might you could knock some shit around take a hit Excellent picks. I am slightly there But I and if I've we've googled who are the Jews in the Olympics and going hard

Forget what we have. Of course. Yeah, a lot of people who win that. Who do we have? We had a lot of people in that. Who do we have we had a lot of people? Swimmer oh we have swimmer for sure Well that does it we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pot on Twitter off Oh wait, I need to recap really quick David. You went first you took they got those over there The Olympics all-nighter the uns Assistants, the courses they build, and basketball players being taken down a peg. Sean, you went second. You took a perfectly stuck gymnastics landing,

the swimming turnaround, seeing how high the high jump bar is, the little chess lines they do to win a race, and then world unity. Megan, you went third. You took the 1996 U.S. Olympics gymnastics teams, camera cutaways to the families the bodies Other countries national anthems and sports reporters who never work getting a chance to work once every four years

I went last and I took becoming an insane fan of a specific team in a specific sport watching an inspiring documentary The little the little set pieces they do seeing someone someone from your hometown, the opening ceremonies, and then gymnastics floor routine music. We wanna hear yours. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcasts at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone, the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding the stand

where you get bonus episodes. The live episodes from the tour, we're still putting those out. There's an Olympic themed one coming out. Just came out, actually. Mailbags, auction drafts, all that stuff. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit, the AFE's just slackity.

Shout out to super producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos, our gold medal winning producer every year. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel, shout out to Frankie Ocean, shout out to Sid and the dude, shout out to Haji Beats, more important than all of that. Tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Shakakity. ["All Fantasy Everything Theme Song"] That was a HateGum Podcast.