All Fantasy Everything - Taco Bell (w/ Sean Jordan and David Gborie)

Episode Date: February 17, 2017

Sean Jordan. David Gborie. The Taco Bell menu. I'll say no more. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. What's that Mac and Dennis was Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Dogg, so Mack Weldon is... Well, no, that would mean, then it would be Wiz Khalifa and somebody who welds. So it's Wiz Khalifa and his friend from high school who got into welding. I believe they started this company. But the point is, Mack Weldon, what they make is better than whatever you're wearing right now. Unless you're wearing an all-silk, all-fantasy, everything jumpsuit. But that's the only thing that Mack Weldon isn't better than. They believe in smart design, premium fabrics. It's simple shopping.

It's so easy to go on there. I did it. They actually gave me some free stuff, you know. That's just the life I'm living, though. I'm just out here living that life where Mack Weldon's like, hey, it's on us. Around $40 of our merchandise is around us. That's what they said to me. And I went in there and I peeled myself off some clothing, got some underwear.

The underwear, ooh, the silver underwear, first of all, it's naturally antimicrobial, which I said off the top of my head. I didn't read that off of a paper. It is. It's antimicrobial, which means it kills odor, which I need because as beautiful as I am,

that's also how active I am. I lead an active lifestyle and I need that Mack Weldon shit in there making sure that I stay crisp because there's two things that I hold as my tenets as a human being. One, be crisp. And two, be comfy.

And through Mack Weldon, I'm able to achieve both of those things. They only make underwear, by the way. They make socks, shirts, undershirts, hoodies. You know, if you're an anti-fascist and you want to smash the window of a Starbucks, you can put on a Mack Weldon hoodie. I'm not saying they stand for it. I'm not saying I stand for it. But if you listen to this podcast and you're that kind of person, you know, fuck it up with a hoodie. By the way, they also make like some nice stuff so you can like put it on and go to a date, you know. Or if you're just on your own right now,

you could dress up and take yourself out for dinner, which is something I recommend doing. I really do. I really do. I really do. You know, it can be hard. It can be hard out there sometimes, just being on your own, you know? Amanda left, you know? She's gone. After she built my website using Squarespace, she left.

Shout out to previous sponsors. She left, but that didn't stop me from taking care of myself. I put on my Mack Weldon clothes, my nice ones, and I took myself out to dinner. And you can too by going to MackWeldon.com and using the promo code AllFantasy to get yourself 20% off on

me. That's just a little gift from me. Ian Carmel. Mack Weldon customer. Let's get to the podcast. Welcome to another all-new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that drafts the whole big world. The whole, the big freaky world. With all the people out there getting busy and just loving on each other. I had a long day. This is an interesting.

This is a weird intro. Especially for the topic. Yeah. It's a big world. It's a big world. It's a big world. And some of the people out there are freaky. They're freaking it.

In that big world, well, first of all, joining me to, well, how do we usually do it? I have no idea. It's topic first, right? I think we drop in usually. We just talk in. Just drop right into the sky. Just kind of roll in. Yeah.

Here we are. Just drop out of the sky like a Russian fighter jet buzzing a U.S. naval ship. You did have a long day. That's topical. Topical? Topical. Yeah. God.

Oh, that's terrifying. Topical. It happened. I know. Man, it's nuts. Dude, that's why the world needs things like this. That's why we need to be the change we want to see. Spark your own revolution.

You know what I mean? At home, domestically. Yeah, absolutely. That's what we're doing. Start living your values locally. I found out, though, why that jet thing happened. They just got Top Gun in Russia. He was flipping in the bus.

They're trying to do... He was inverted. Yeah. Inverted. Inverted. They were like, let us extend the expression of friendship and gratitude. Do a move from current new movie Top Gun. Tom Cruise America, number one.

Tom Cruise America. Tom Cruise America number one. Tom Cruise America. Tom Cruise America. Risky business. Time to buzz the tower. Risky, risky business. Listen to Bob Seger get busy all night. My wife.

My wife. No. No. I'm sorry. So that's what was going on. Yeah. There's no draft today. It's just this.

It's just a bad. She's riffing on the news. Bad Russian riffs all day. Bad Russian riffs. That's the draft today. It's just this. It's just a bad... She's riffing on the news. Bad Russian riffs all day. Bad Russian riffs. That's the new... We are drafting something. We're drafting... Joining me, we have podcast favorites.

Podcast family. We have Sean Jordan. Hey! At Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. The other Sean Jordan still has it. Still camping. So I'm still Sean S. Jordan. Can't wait to see how you work Chislic into today's podcast.

I will not. You know, I did look up how to make it, though. Yeah. And that's why I keep asking you if you're coming or going this weekend. You're going to make Chislic? Oh, wait. That's my plan. How are you going to fry something? I'm going to get in.

Right? We should do it on Saturday during the dunk contest. Or you just need a frying pan. I looked it up. Vegetable oil. Cubing. It sounds so gross cubed meat it's like put the cubed meat into the into the simmering oil but will the butcher cube it for you what will the butcher the meat for you listen dog if i'm making chiswick i'm cubing the i'm cutting i'm cutting get a steak and i'm gonna cube it my damn self i better i understand that you're talking about Chiz Click, but it sounds like you're talking about making speed.

Yeah. If I'm going to Chiz Click, I'm going to fry the oil. You fill the bathtub with vegetable oil. These are all metaphors. Yeah. If I'm making Chiz Click, I'm frying the oil. Sean's going to kill a guy this week. That other voice you hear is David Borey.

Hey. At the G is silent. coolguyjokes187. I wish. At coolguyjokes87. 87. Why is it not 187? Oh, because you were born in 87. Yeah, 187 would have been so much cooler.

I'm sure it's still out there to grab. You could change it. There's branding issues at this point. Yeah. There's a lot of blogs. There's an open investigation. My email has 187 in it because when I got a Gmail account, I was like, I'll use Hotmail for the rest of my life. Yeah. There's a lot of blogs. There's an open investigation. My email has 187 in it because when I got a Gmail account, I was like, I'll use Hotmail for the rest of my life. Yeah.

Not thinking that I would have to send this out to like, you know, bookers and professional people. I think most of them don't get it. But, you know, the ones that do think I'm hilarious. What is it? What is it? Sean. Are you allowed to? Well, no.

I mean, I don't see it. What's your phone number? Yeah website yeah no does your social have an eight seven in it it's five five five four twenty three eleven six nine my my email is comfy ass mac weldon underwear at my butt dot wearing it right now dot bids yeah i've been wanting to get into the comfy underwear game. Dude, you gotta get. I mean, other than the Mack Weldon, I've been living that, you know, I've been living that for a while.

The Mack Weldon is a new addition to my comfy underwear life. I'm going to go look up some Mack Weldon shit that I can't buy, but I'm going to go look it up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's good underwear costs? We looked up Gucci underwear the other day.

It's like 180 bucks. Are you crazy? I was on the Gucci website the other day. It's like $180. Are you crazy? I was on the Gucci website the other day. We were looking up underwear. I was looking up how much those flip-flops cost. Dog, those are like $1,000, aren't they? No, no, no. You can get the white ones for $190.

Why don't we all wear Gucci flip-flops? I want to get the Gucci flip-flops, and then they have the matching tube socks. The black ones are the ones, though, right? I mean, they're both pretty cool. I don't know which ones are the ones. I would... Gucci girl wearing a Gucci...

What is it? What's the line? There's a few Gucci flip-flop lines. There's a Future. Future's got a Gucci flip-flop line. Shout out to Future, who's dropping an album tomorrow. Yeah! Yeah.

Our other sponsor, Future. Yeah. Rapper Future. Go to future.com and enter promo code all fantasy to have future fuck your bitch enter it on the comments of all his itunes songs all fantasy everything uh are you sad can an nfl quarterback's fucking your future oh that's buck hit by the way is one and only so you know his one and only baby's mom no this is russell wil Wilson we're talking about, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's only ever had sex with... He had never entered a temple before.

That feels like a collapse in the system. That's crazy. The only woman you've had sex with is Future's baby's mom? That's legendary. That's why Trump got elected. Yeah. Because of glitches in the system. Yeah.

And then anything was possible. Yeah. We should... We can... I'm going to go ahead and blame this thing on Russell Wilson right now. 100% Russell Wilson's fault. Yeah. That collapsed logic. And then anything was possible. I'm going to go ahead and blame this thing on Russell Wilson right now. 100% Russell Wilson's fault. Long time listener. Russell Wilson. He's not going to be too happy when he hears us ripping on him. Because he'll hate it whenever this comes out.

He got a once in a lifetime win. And he should be happy about it. I'm just saying that's crazy. Do you think he even. Because I imagine. I'm going out on a limb here. I feel like Sierra even... Because I imagine... I'm going out on a limb here. I feel like Ciara's probably pretty good at sex. Just going out on a limb.

Just from listening to a couple songs. I don't know if you guys have seen the slow video. Yeah. But Russell Wilson... I mean, sex is sex. It's great. Sure. He's never had sex with anyone else.

Is this just what he thinks sex is like? Probably. So he thinks that's what we're all having? The numbers on this thing are crazy yeah he's like a dumb guy yeah who found like a fucking old wooden ship in his basement when his grandpa died and then he took it to antiques road show and it's worth 25 billion dollars like he's like this is the only wooden ship i've ever had they must all be worth this i guess that's how you make your money yeah how did you get rich well i sold a wooden ship of course why don't you sell yours how did you get rich i

had sex with sierra yeah god damn also he was in the entourage movie so oh true i probably gained some mileage for him which why would you even do that if you weren't having sex with anybody why would you watch that show if you've never had sex yeah how do you even understand it like what's that girl doing on top of v? Is she hurting him? That's what Russell Wilson thought. Is that Mommy and Daddy wrestling? I like that not only had he not had sex, he just wasn't aware of sex. He didn't know what it was either.

What are you guys talking about? She's got two bellies on her chest. She doesn't even know what boobs are. She's got outie belly buttons. All right. Get to the topic. Two outie belly buttons Alright Get to the topic Do we remember This is one of our listener suggested topics Let's look it up

Let's see if we can I have way less ats than you do So I'll go through I'm going to look it up too And while we're doing it I will make some entertaining noises So people aren't bored. It sounds like a Timberland beat.

Bring it back. I wonder how Russell Wilson scored the role. I found it. In Sierra? I'm just good at Twitter. Her name's Rosie. At YesRoseMarie. And she says,

as the self-proclaimed biggest fan of all fantasy everything pod, can I suggest slash request a Taco Bell menu draft? At Ian Carmel question mark. Rosie, yes you can! Rosie, your wish is our command. We brought in the A-team to do this one.

Hell yeah. Not only the A-team of the podcast guests, but also the A-team of people who go to Taco Bell. Yeah. We fucking love Taco Bell. Did you drop the science about our collective Taco Bell night? The other day, before we get into the draft, I got to do just this

one other thing. The three of us have been working on a television pilot for a show, and it was great fun. We did it for two weeks, and on the Saturday in between those two weeks, we went out for one of the other writers' birthdays, and we got hammered. It wasn't even a seminal birthday. It wasn't like a 32 or something.

Yeah. It was like an unimportant birthday for an unimportant person, Zach Harper. Somebody we all hate and wish nothing but ill on. Boring. He's a boring guy. For his birthday, I walked in the bar, spit on him, and then just went over and hung out alone at the bar wearing sunglasses. I slapped him with a happy birthday stamp on my hand so it stuck on his face because

he spit. I played shuffleboard with a bunch of old ladies. Yeah. Oh, that was fun. We did play shuffleboard. We love Zach at Talk Hoops, podcast guest, friend. And it was his birthday was his birthday so we got hammered and we piled into an uber went the long way back to glendale i felt like we were lost yeah this was uber before it was evil i think yeah either that or we were this was a different time uber we're woke and uh i can see y'all. So we got home and into Postmates for some reason.

I have no idea how it happened. Can I tell you how I think it happened, by the way? Yes. I think I pulled up Postmates when we were on the freeway. And when it does that, it just locates whatever the Taco Bell's closest to wherever you're at. Yeah. So I think I ordered Taco Bell from like 20 miles away from where we were going. That's part of the reason why I think it was so expensive.

That makes sense. Even still. Even still. Even still. We had an $86 Taco Bell Postmates order, which is insane. They brought like grocery bags. I've never seen bags this big from a Taco Bell. It was astonishing.

I ate like two things and passed out. I had a bunch so much when i woke up i can't honestly tell you what i did or didn't do i woke up in the morning and went into the kitchen and there was a burrito a gross burrito that had been eaten from the middle and had one huge bite right out of the middle like that like that's how you eat burritos just like and then it was just sitting there. That, I feel like, is done in a panic. Yeah. Like, somebody does that in a frenzy.

None of us know who did it. One of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh! You did it like you broke into a Taco Bell and you were, like, trying to eat as much food as possible. The cops are coming. Well, let me go over.

Yeah, like, if I was robbing your house. Give me that last burrito. If I was, like, robbing a house And I just saw some Taco Bell and I was hungry I needed more energy to finish the rob I would do that I would sideways it That's like how Jermaine Dupri At the height of Jermaine Dupri I bet ate Taco Bell

Just took one bite and threw it away It's like those guys who load a bowl of weed And then hit the green part And then throw it all out Imagine that Those people know how to smoke weed Do people do that as a flex to boil a weed and then hit the green part and then throw it all out. You throw it out. That's what – imagine that. Those people don't know how to smoke weed. That's crazy. Do people do that as a flex or are they stupid?

I think it's a flex. I think it's like I've got so much weed. What's wrong with the rest of the weed though? Nothing. Nothing, right? They just like to hit green. I have so much weed, by the way, and I would never think about doing that. No, it's crazy.

It's bad economics. It's bad business. Yeah. Because it's good. Like, you's bad economics bad business yeah because it's it's good like you know it's i wouldn't buy 30 40s and drink one drink out of each 40 right old english sure if they if they're listening i love that if you have the money you're gonna buy 30 40s not like one nice bottle of whiskey yeah not even that nice of a bottle 30 40s 30 of the same thing from taco bell one drink drink out of each, one bite out of each.

And that's how I'm living. And then the rest just gets set outside in the hot sun until somebody takes it. Because it's 10 in the morning when I do this. So in honor of at yes, Rosemary, today we are drafting the Taco Bell menu. Yes, we are. Now to determine the order of the draft, the two of you will be playing rock, paper, scissors. Sure, sure. And whoever wins will be picking the order.

Now, before you pick the order, I need to remind you. What kind of draft? Slithering. It's a serpentine draft. Slithering. So if you pick third, that also means you pick first in the next round and vice versa. Sort of like a snake kind of would slither. Yeah, it's a serpentine draft.

I'm not like Draco Malfoy. Yeah, it's a serpentine draft. Well, no, I meant like Draco Malfoy. Yeah, it's a serpentine draft, which we are now starting about an hour into this recording. Really? Jesus Christ. No, wait, no, no, no,

not really, not really at all. All right. But we're going to play rock, paper, scissors, and shoot. You guys know how to do it.

One, two, three, shoot. One, two, three, shoot. Oh, David Borey wins with a rock over Sean Jordan's scissors. I got to go first. Yeah. Because here's what I feel like.

Everything is going to get picked so that you just gotta get your favorites out first. Because an hour from now, we're going to be scraping the bottom. There's no bottom to this barrel. If there was a bottom, I'd have scraped it by now. And I'm

curious what you're going to do first to see if you're going to go your favorite. Well, you're going to go first. Who's going second? Who's going third? That's the other question. Who's going second? Who's going third?

I'm worried about Sean Jordan on the double back. Yeah. I would be, too. Jordan has to go second. Okay. And then Ian Carmel. See, in a serpentine draft, I actually fancy the middle. You do like the middle?

I like that. Yeah, I picked the middle last time. I played right into his hands. Right into my refried bean-covered hands, dude. Well, let's see what your hands are going for, because with the first pick of the Taco Bell Menu All Fantasy Everything Draft, David Borey, you are on the clock. This is purely just a heart thing? Yeah.

This is what I feel? This is what I love? Purely a heart disease pick. Yeah, just a straight-up coronary. Yeah. This is what I love. Purely a heart disease pick. Yeah, just a straight up coronary. Yeah. The beef chalupa. Oh. I feel like everybody sleeps on the chalupa.

And this isn't, by the way, the cheesy chalupa crunch. Are we talking like a beef baja chalupa? Beef baja. That's the one. Straight up. Fuck. Straight up chalupa. Yeah.

I love it. It's been, how long has it been around? How long has a chalupa been around? I feel like the chalupa came out when I was right around 12, 13 years old. Yeah, and I'm 22 now. So it came out, I'm 32, so it came out about 20 years ago. And it's been holding it down, silent. It's like the Mary J. Blige.

And they made it of Taco Bell menu items. It's just been there consistently strong, loving. Were there Chalupas anywhere else? I mean, was it Chalupa? I've never had another Chalupa. A Chalupa, I think, it is. It is a cuisine and a thing. Yeah.

If you go to Mexico. It's a specialty of South Central Mexico, including the states of Puebla, Guerrero, and Oaxaca. Sure. Which are my appropriate pronunciations of those states of Mexico. No, no, it's Oaxaca. Listen, when you find out something is called Oaxaca, you say Oaxaca a lot. Oaxaca. Oaxaca.

Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca to me. Migo. Oaxaca instead of Versace. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. Oaxaca. This. Migo. Oaxaca instead of Versace. Oaxaca. Oaxaca.

Oaxaca, Oaxaca, Oaxaca. Oaxaca. This is a Mexican steak. The Gucci, the Gucci, the Gucci. I feel like you put mushrooms on that beef chalupa and then ate it. Oh, shit. I never. Can you even get mushrooms at Taco Bell?

No. No. I mean, like, under the sink. It's a liability. Yeah. You got to do the special knock three times on the counter. Yeah. And then the cheese troll comes out and gives you the mushrooms.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, the Chalupa from Taco Bell, that is a good pick. It's great. It's got cheese. The beef baja one, I was introduced to that for the first time when I was learning how to scuba dive. That's right. There's a lot about me the listeners don't know. I'm a scuba diver.

Self-contained underwater breathing? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay. Yes, Self-contained underwater breathing? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay. Yes. Self-contained underwater breathing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I went to Mack Weldon. They teach scuba diving, and that's like the one legit class at Mack Weldon? I mean, they teach getting wet. You figure out how to do it. They teach getting wet? That's very funny. Getting wet up. My brother and I would drive back from the scuba dive.

My older brother. I don't have any other ones. Bear Blaylock. Shout out to Bear Blaylock. Yeah, there is. Bear Blaylock. We were driving back from Forest Grove, where the pool was that we were learning how to self-contained underwater breathing apparatus.

Yeah. Dive. And we would swing by Taco Bell and just blast Rage Against the Machine and eat Taco Bell. I have very fond memories associated with the Chalupa. I feel like this specific experience is only maybe you have ever done that. Like in the whole history of the, it might just be you and your brother who have ever done that. I almost spit Fresca everywhere. That is a very specific.

Most people don't do that right after they get done self-contained underwater breathing apparatusing. Driving home from scuba diving lessons. With your brother. With my brother. In a Subaru Outback. Sure. Listening to Rage Against the Machine.

Eating a moderate amount of Taco Bell. Yeah, that's not a common. No. Chalupa. Because if you eat chalupas too fast, you'll get the bends. We know a lot about scuba diving, David. You know what's weird? I don't even know where this is coming from yeah you're in the zone they call this totally just being pulled off the top you're ultralight beaming right now yeah i don't know what's going on they call that being immersed the

chalupa came out at the same time as another didn't the chalupa i'm just gonna say it because we by the way there's no sleepers in this draft we all know everything that's in play that's true there's so i'm just gonna say right now kid playing out the chalupa... I'm just going to say it. By the way, there's no sleepers in this draft. We all know everything that's in play. Yeah, that's true. So I'm just going to say right now... There's no kid playing out. The Chalupa and the Gordita came out at the same time. I believe so. I think the Gordita was first.

Was it first? I believe the Gordita was first. It was... Oh, wow. Because if you look at them, and I understand this is a monkeys to men argument, but I feel like the Chalupa is the natural evolution of the Gordita. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Because the Chalupa is just natural evolution of the Gordita. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

Because the Chalupa is just that the tortilla is fried. But we can save Gordita theory for later. It's like string theory, but like a lot tastier. I'll deny this on my bed. I wonder what Chalupa means. I'm trying to look it up, and the internet is failing me right now. I always feel like it means close to suck my dick. That's chupa.

Chupa me. Man, I've been saying it wrong. Chupa me means suck my dick? Shout out to everybody I've been saying that wrong to. What are you saying, chalupa me? Chalupa me very well. That's a whole different thing. Chalupa me very good. That's them gently sliding a chalupa. Sometimes I don't know what I'd rather have.

Under your unit. A chalupa or a nice headshot. I mean, you know. Wait, what's a headshot? A blosh. Oh, a blosh. A blosh. A beef.

A blosh. Getting some lettuce. I get a blosh in Armenian t-shirts. You know Migos? Get good t-shirts. Oh, yes. Migos. Migos.

Migos. Migos. Bro. Bro. Okay. You know Migos? Get good t-shirts. Migos. Migos. Migos. Migos. Bruh. Bruh. Okay. The beef Baja Chalupa. First pick. Excellent pick.

Yes. Sean Jordan, you're on the board. Where are you going? I'm just going bean burrito. No onions. What? No onions? I mean, yeah.

Get out of here. You've done this draft so many times. I know. I'm trying to keep it to me. Did you think anyone else was going to do just a plain beef burrito? Yeah, I really did. You thought that was coming off the board? I thought it was coming off the board quick.

That's like my favorite thing to get. I will say I hate when people get no onions. The onions is the spice of the bean burrito. You did just cross it off your list. I watched you. No, I crossed your loop off. Yeah, I really thought the burrito was going a lot quicker. We'll get deeper, but I thought since it's not

obscure at all. Dave and I are both curvy boys. Yeah. So there's not, I mean, you look at us and you don't think like restricted palate. There's nothing restrictive about a bean burrito. I'm young, fly, and flashy. I'm hopping out of Forens. You're over here driving pickup trucks. Plain bean burritos? I mean, it's just as bad for you. I'm young, fly, and flashy. Yeah. I'm hopping out of Forens.

You're over here driving pickup trucks. Playing bean burritos? I just dropped a Bugatti for a time. I'm wearing shorts that look like a peacock's feather. Yeah, I enjoy it. And you're sitting in this room thinking, we were going to take a bean burrito. I really thought it was going off the board.

I got two pastels on. You think a bean burrito? thought it was going off the board i got two pastels on you think i'm being burrito i will say the bean burrito was my first kiss of taco bell yeah that was definitely my first kiss that was the first thing where i stepped out of my company because i used to go i used to hate taco bell yeah we can believe that and uh when i when i finally had like a bean burrito with no onions because my mom heavily like told me I don't like onions. You were programmed. And I feel like the right way.

I don't like those onions. They're too skimpy. So yeah, mild bean burrito with no onions. And by the way, is that a regional thing where you can get mild or spicy? That's everywhere. You can get like mild bean burrito or spicy bean burrito. I don't know. It's never occurred to me to ask for a spicy one. I think it's like a hot and spicy McChicken McChicken situation.

Some places there's only one. Some places there's both. They used to ask. When I get bean burrito in the Midwest, they would ask if I want a mild or spicy. So spicy would just be with green sauce, and mild is with the mild sauce. Oh, I didn't know that.

So mild bean burrito, no onions. I've always... Whenever I've gone to Taco Bell, it's been a sort of dress your own burrito situation They won't put the sauce on for me They give you the packets I think every bean burrito has mild sauce in it Does it have mild sauce?

The bean burrito does I can think of like You can't see but I'm rubbing my fingers Like a Scrooge McDuck Like he's milking two pigeons Yeah I'm rubbing my fingers for some, like a Scrooge McDuck. Like he's milking two pigeons. Yeah. Like the fine consistency of the Taco Bell mild sauce is drizzling through.

He's doing with hands the way my voice sounds, just in terms of Judaism. Oh, sure. Oh, okay. Yeah. But yeah, I remember the onions being in there with the sauce. I'll tell you why I don't have a clear memory of it. It's because it's such a forgettable menu item. Not at all.

It's the best menu item on the menu to me. I can't. It's only the first pick. That's fair. It's only the first pick. It's only the first pick. Taco Bell's your favorite food. the first pick. All right. It's only the first pick. Taco Bell's your favorite food. It is my favorite food. I feel like I might have to stand booing right now, though.

I honestly thought that you guys, I thought it was going to go first. I just really thought. No, that's sick. No. The bean burrito. Oh, you know what? It is fifth on my list. That's pretty good.

Yeah. It's not on my list. Now that I've been treated as such, I will go a lot gnarlier on the next four picks. We're going to have our first real fight as friends. Yes. Eight years of friendship. Wouldn't that be fucking insane? That would be hilarious.

What are you so mad at Ian for? You weren't there, so you're not going to get it. Yeah, there is a recording of it. You're going to have to listen to get the weight. Our fight is sponsored by Mack Weldon, so make sure you go to MackWeldon.com and use promo code AllFantasyEverything, but that'll clear everything up. I just called Laura. Laura, can you take a red eye?

I need the comfortable woman. All right, bean burrito. More power to you. You know? I mean, it sounds boring when you say it like that. I have back-to-back picks. All right, let's go. Damn it.

And I can't. Oh, God, I can't wait wait i can't believe these are both still on the board first pick i'm going crunch wraps i knew it yeah i fucking gotta go to the crunch yeah in my heart i knew that that what is everything that's great about taco bell is in there it's like a music festival it's got a little bit of everything for you and like the best even got the sour cream in there they're's like a music festival. It's got a little bit of everything for you. They even got the sour cream in there. They're always making new ways to eat it. Yes. They're like, you know, this burrito's dope. What if we made it kind of like a covered pizza?

It was. It was a little bit like the Mexican pizza, but it's covered. You can eat it with your hands still? Yeah. It was hard. You can eat it and drive. It's hard to get sauce on. You have eat it and drive. It's not messy. It's hard to get sauce on.

It's hard to like, you have to like open it up and like pour the sauce in. See, and that way I don't, it doesn't really bug me. For me, it's all in there. Sometimes I'll dab a little sauce on the top of it. I got to get that sauce on. I got to get my sauce on. Yeah. Yeah.

That's. It's a disc. I like the shape of it. The shape of it is. It's like a hexagon. Yeah, it's a hexagon. Which is weird. The corners, because it's so delightful to bite into a corner that's full of flavor. If it was just round,

there wouldn't be any corners for the flavor to get stuck in. That's a really good, yeah. It just soaks up like you get that hot pocket of beef. Yeah, exactly, which I love. Sometimes it'll just be beef and a little sour cream in one of the corners. That's that wing of the museum? You ever do that where you eat a burger and you take a bite Sometimes it'll just be beef and a little sour cream in one of the corners. That's that wing of the museum? Yeah.

You ever do that where you eat a burger and you take a bite, and then you go two inches over and you take a bite? You're building a bite. Yes. You're building a corner. And that's what the Cone Trap has five of those built in for you. It does. You're like, thank you, Taco Bell.

Just these delicious bites. Yep. I love it. I love the- That's genius. There's lettuce in there? Yeah. And I like that too.

But there's lettuce in most of them. There is lettuce in whatever. There's lettuce in there? Yeah. And I like that too. But there's lettuce in most of them. There's lettuce in whatever. There's lettuce in everything, but – I'm quite the health nut. There's lettuce in everything, but lettuce in an open-air situation makes more sense. Like lettuce in a chalupa, sure. There's no roof. That makes sense. They could sprinkle the lettuce in there.

But the fact that there's lettuce in this sort of enclosed situation, it just seems weird to me. But it's still crispy and fresh lettuce. Hell yeah. God, we are going to have to get some Taco Bell right now. 100%. It's happening. I mean, I guarantee you. On the drive over here, I was like, I'll probably get a salad tonight. Gonna keep it healthy. There's no way in hell. Yeah, we're in too deep.

David and I tried to go to two different Taco Bells last night on the one I got to ride home. I'll buy that. I'll buy that. I dons last night. Last night? I'll buy that. I'll buy that. I don't care how expensive it is. I'll buy that. I'll buy that there. So I'm going Crunchwrap Supreme with my first pick. Okay.

And then I am a troubled man right now. Yeah. Anything happen? My pen is falling apart. I don't know if I go head or heart. I think I got to go heart. This is crazy. This is crazy.

But I'm taking the quesadilla. The chicken or the regular? Cheese. Flat out regular. I mean, I was yelled at for taking a bean burrito. Yeah, you took it first. I also think that a quesadilla is a little swaggier. It's a little swaggier.

Listen, we don't need to go back to my pick. I agree with you wholeheartedly that a quesadilla is a way to go. Quesadillas or Taco Bell is how I found out what a quesadilla was. Is that really? That is crazy. I had no idea what a quesadilla was. Do you remember what other Mexican restaurants? No.

I always hated mexican food like i would get meat and cheese with nothing on it like you know wow yeah i get a cheese quesadilla every time i go to taco bell you do in fact my two first picks are my like the two those it's the fucking it's the dami lillard and cj mccullum of my draft you know they're the two things that have never it's the those two and then i'll build them. You know what I love about the quesadilla too is you piece by piece it. Yeah. So you go, you eat a taco. Oh, shit.

I still got some quesadilla. I still got some quesadilla. It takes the sauce well. It takes the sauce. It's the perfect palate cleanser. I love whatever sauce is on there. And I'll say this right now. I don't really fuck with the meat variations.

I don't like a steak or a beef or a chicken quesadilla. No, I never go steak, oddly enough. I don't eat steak at Taco Bell. Yeah. Steak at Taco Bell weirds me out. I don't eat steak at fast food restaurants. Uh-uh. I don't need chocolate syrup on my red velvet cake.

Right. It's good enough. And I don't want to overwhelm the palate as a way. Yeah. Absolutely. I get upset when I do. And it's not good steak. So what's the...

I like it. You ever go to somebody's house and they make steak tacos? Yeah. And then you're like, oh, this is great. Yes. But that shit is... That's cubed meat. I can say right now fairly confidently, I don't think any of us are going to that...

What was their, like, their day? What was their menu that was, like, very healthy? Oh, Fresco. Fresco. The street tacos and stuff? Yeah. No. I don't think any of us have taken any of that shit.

I'm going to go to the fair just to ride the Ferris wheel. Get out of town. See, I like... If I can shout out another fast food chain in the middle of this Taco Bell podcast. I love when everyone was going like protein burger, blah, blah, blah. I love what Jack in the Box did where everyone was going like healthy stuff. You know, like instead of a bun, you can get lettuce. Taco Bell did the fresco menu or whatever. Jack in the Box was like jalapeno poppers on the cheeseburger.

Yeah. You know? They were like, what about that? Wepers on the cheeseburger. Yeah. You know? They were like, what about that? We're still here for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're sitting right here. Never are we going anywhere. Yeah.

They just double down on their corner, which I loved. Yeah. But the cheese quesadilla is just perfect. It's simple. There's a weird sauce in there, too. And I love that weird sauce. That I feel like has never been talked about on the menu. Never. But there's that strange sauce. It's just perfect. It's simple. There's a weird sauce in there, too. And I love that weird sauce. That I feel like has never been talked about on the menu. Never.

But there's that strange sauce. It's tangy. They also got it on another. We'll bring it up when the item comes up. Yeah. But there's a couple menus that low-key got the tang sauce. It's got a little bit of that tang sauce. I don't even know what it's called.

Do they have a name for it? I've never heard it. I think we just dubbed it. The Tang Sauce, dude. Tang Sauce? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah.

Quesadilla. It's a conjunction. Quesa. Cheese in Spanish. Sure. J Dilla. After J Dilla. Quesa J Dilla?

The famous beat smith. Yeah, the prominent hip hop producer. Yeah, RIP J Dilla. Who was the first person to say, you know, why don't you just take a couple of tortillas and melt some cheese in there? I think he actually coined the term Tangs on it. He did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was tired of donuts for the day. You know my problem with the Taco Bell quesadilla? Huh? I went through a big phase for a while where I was making quesadillas at home. Well, absolutely. And I hook them up fat at home. You don't have a home. It's like how I don't eat spaghetti outside the house.

You know, you don't. Really? No, I only eat spaghetti. What? You only eat spaghetti at the house? I only eat spaghetti that I make. With like Prego? You should see how serious he is. What sauce do you put on there? Yeah. I hate spaghetti in a restaurant. That's blasphemy to me. Actually, I'm kind of with you. If I'm going to go to a restaurant

and get poor people food, are you crazy? If I'm in an Italian food restaurant, there's pastas I'll get. I'll get like a bucatin. I'll get like that kind of with you if I'm gonna go to a restaurant and get poor people food are you crazy if I'm in an Italian food restaurant oh there's pastas I'll get I'll get like a bucatin I'll get like that but I will never

get a spaghetti and red sauce I get spaghetti and meatball kiss my ass I would rather eat out of the like not even joking

I would rather go to the kitchen and eat out of the garbage can cause you'll get like a little ravioli yeah there's probably a veal cutlet in there

that I just stepped on it's still good then order just like some spaghetti and red sauce. I worked at the old spaghetti factory and people would get spaghetti and red sauce. I'm like, and they pay like $8 for it, which is cheap. But I'm like, if you would have done this at home, it would have been 45 cents. And you can hook it up. You can have as much Parmesan as you want.

Yeah. You don't have this guy standing over you judging you like you're an asshole when you're saying more. Like more? Yeah. More? Really? Yeah. More? Really? Yeah. Yeah, I want more.

Lots, but just go until you think I'm not going to want any more and then just keep going. I don't want to see my shit. I want it to be a whiteout. Don't you fucking worry. You want fresh powder. You don't ski unless there's fresh powder. Yeah. I want that pow pow.

I don't want to see the slopes. Some of that cold smoke, dude. I didn't come up here to see the ground. You know what I'm talking about? Hit the booters and the wedges. Going back to the quesadilla, the homemade quesadillas are good. And I know what you mean because I do that too. I'll go – I'll like put a sriracha on there.

Oh, yeah. I'll go all sorts of crazy – the ranch and sriracha. Heat the tortilla so it's crispy. But I never figured out that tang sauce at home. Yeah. That's true. That's the only difference there. We might not ever know.

We might not. Is it maybe just like Baja sauce that they put a little bit on? It might be. It might be a Baja sauce. Doesn't it kind of taste like that with melted cheese? It does. It kind of does. A little bit.

That might be it. But I don't know what Baja sauce is, really. Baja sauce is maybe just tang sauce for all we know. Why don't you go by J Dilla? Well, fine. But we're calling something Tang Sauce. We may never know what the sauce is, but what we will know in mere moments

is what Sean Jordan's second pick is going to be. A cup of water, perhaps? Yeah, but it's diet soda. It's on the menu. If you go to the fucking website, if you go to the website, cup of water is on the fucking website. It's crazy.

That's funny. Sean was picking a packet of mile sauce with his second pick no joke on it the old mile sauce i couldn't believe that they had a cup of water on there no i'm gonna go um funny the uh i'm trying to get the official name here what where is it oh where'd it go official name cup of lipton iced tea it's also on there no lemon no lemon oh the beefy crunchy frito burrito oh what a bounce back yo it's so fucking good he just brought the aston martin it's so good i didn't know he owned it so that's your everyday cup but you got an aston martin yeah okay okay the beefy crunchy frito burrito the beefy crunchy frito burrito and i remember

but because they used to have it before it was on the dollar menu and it was called like the beefy crunchy something burrito and not frito because it wasn't branded yet right yeah and i was i pulled up and i was like hey let me get a frito burrito and the guy goes uh do you mean the beefy crunchy something supreme burrito and i was like the course is there anything else in the menu it was the only thing obviously that's what i meant now give me six because i'm mad yeah that i still whenever i go i get like two of those and a lot of times i'll just throw one in the fridge and like eat it cold whenever yeah i eat them cold because the crunch is worth it yeah as long as it's not more than like a day old yeah and i'll still eat them it's jarring to me now this could speak to our body types but opening i'll open the fridge at home and i'll see taco

bell in there and i almost faint i'm like what a world what is this leftover it's like leftover crap yeah it's crazy what it doesn't exist? That's the thing with Taco Bell. You can go just smoke the menu and you still have more. You're just like, I don't want to force myself to eat all this. My problem is I rarely want more Taco Bell after I have that taco. Like, I got to have a day. I want alone time after that. Yeah, I just got to. Take a bath.

Just going to hit HBO Go in the dark for a minute. Yeah. No, I always know that I'm going to want one. I stay up late and I'll eat one at 2 in the dark for a minute Yeah Now I always know that I'm gonna want one I stay up late And I, you know I'll eat one at two in the morning sometimes Because it's just there I love this You said you stay up late

Last night you were like I stayed up till fucking 5am yesterday I didn't want to I stayed up till like 7.30 this morning I could've had like an hour I would've been at 10 every night I'm listless, dude That's crazy

Idle hands man Idle hands beat off That's a whole other podcast but I just lay there and Stress sets in and I'm like well now I can't fuck Yeah and then I'm like oh maybe I'll just clean my room Or something but then I'm like I'm naked And I don't want to clean my room naked I don't want to be that guy

You know what else with a little stress when you can't sleep at night A beefy crunchy Frito burrito Yes I don't got a whip with a little stress when you can't sleep at night. Sweet. A beefy, crunchy Frito burrito sitting there in the fridge ready to- I don't got a whip, dog. Unstress you out. I don't got a whip, dog. Well-

Oh, but you got it in the fridge. You did just- Yeah. Respect. You just put the whip on game. I mean, we're good enough friends to where most of the time you could hit me up and be like, hey, will you come pick me up and give me a ride to a Taco Bell? And I would most of the time say yes.

I love that float and crunch. I just love the float and crunch in there that the Frito brings to the situation. It's so good. You don't know where it's going to be. You bite in. It's such a good crunch. Yeah. You get like some crunch on the bicuspid on the left side.

You're like, what the hell? I wasn't expecting it there. It keeps the rice and the Fritos keep the – what's the word I'm looking for? It keeps the cylinder going. It's a substance. There's a real substance to that burrito. And it makes it so you feel like you're actually taking a bite not like squishing like a normal burrito.

It's a structural integrity. You're squeezing out squeezing toothpaste. Yeah! Which also is a fun sensation but you don't always want that. Sure. But sometimes I want the whole burrito to be built the right way. Yeah. You know what I like? I lost a back tooth due to poor dental care, right?

Yeah. It's just a socket out there. Sometimes I slide some crunch up in there and eat it later. You know what I'm talking about? It's just a socket. Wake up in a panic. Don't know what's going on. Suck it out.

Suck it out. And then you just calm down immediately. It's like taking a Vicodin. You're just like, okay. David, do you have an earthquake kit? Uh, kinda. If we're gone for a while, I'll be alright. I don't have a go bag.

Yeah, I don't have a go bag. The Beefy Crunchy Frito Burrito is a great pick. I'm jealous of that one. I love it. Yeah, that's so good. Is that the first time they started putting chips in their burritos? Yeah. That's got to be.

It was like four years ago or whatever when it wasn't officially on the – Yeah. But yeah, that was – yeah. It came to little fanfare, by the way. It did. They really didn't – they really don't pump it up. When they came out with some items that I won't name just because maybe they'll get picked even though earlier i said we know all the picks but we know what we're talking about here this is the chip based stuff sometimes they roll the dice and it

doesn't always go it was it was like a new pope was elected it got so much media attention by the way the dopest thing about working on a late night show like such as the late late show for example hosted by james cord for sure from england Such as the Late Late Show, for example. Sure. Hosted by James Corden. Sure, sure. From England. Tangent within the tangent. British people call Taco Bell Taco Bell. I hate that. I hate it. I hate that. You know it's not taco.

You know we don't fucking say taco. Who says taco? Taco. I would like some Taco Bell. Taco. Taco. We'll go fucking build one. Taco Bell.

Build one and put it on your taxes as an independent corporation. Taco Bell. Hey, Taco Bell Hey, she's still looking at a Taco Bell Hey, Taco Bell Hey, would you mind swinging through a Taco Bell, please? Oh, it tastes like sour cream, isn't it? Oh, isn't it? It's delicious, isn't it? Isn't it? They say ta-ta, but Taco Bell? Ta-ta

Ta-ta Taco Bell You can't say Taco Bell? Ta-ta Taco Bell It's that easy, you limey motherfuckers Except for my my friends who are British. Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta TV spots. They sent us so much. Really? Just hoping we would be beguiled to write about it for the monologue. Oh, God, really? Is that how that goes? It works. Yeah, but they sent you all the free shit?

So you come in one morning and there's just like 30 Egg McMuffins? Yeah, and they're like, yeah, McDonald's sent breakfast. More than 30. Funny story. There's like 40 McMuffins, 40 sausage McMuffins, 40 hash. There's like so much. I have a weird story similar to that. That would wreck my day.

One time I came to my house at like 10 o'clock in the morning. This tweaker who had been staying with me just had a bag of like 12 McMuffins. Yeah. He was like, hey, man, thanks for letting me crash here last night. What? I was like, yeah. He had like 20 bucks and he was. But in McMuffins, because they don't deal in money.

They deal in trade. And let me ask you this. What would you have been more excited? Like a 20 spot, which is fine. No, I had a job at the time. I was like 18. 12 McMuffins I would much rather have. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Especially at the time. Yeah. I'm very impulsive. Even without a job. It's like if somebody gave me money, I'd be like, I should use this responsibly.

Yeah. But if somebody gave me 12 McMuffins, I would be like. Yeah, I can wow out. I'm not playing. I'm like, well, I'll flip these. I'll flip these. I'll try to get $18. I'll go out and try to sell. 15 McChickens.

On the street corner, just trying to sell one-off Lucy McChickens. You're just trying to hustle your way up to that quarter pounder of cheese. No, man. I need the whole bag. Well, you can't get the whole bag. You can get one. You can buy one of them. You can get it for $6.

Yeah. Or you can fucking go to McDonald's. See what they won't even let you in you're not even wearing shoes it's 10 10 wow what a hustle that would have been going to like a popular mcdonald's before all day breakfast right outside at like 11 you go in and drop 200 on mcdonald's breakfast and then you stand outside operating some sort of black market here you go that's genius right we could have made a million dollars. We really could have. You could just open up a food truck. Because I would do it.

Especially, like, you ever gone to McDonald's on the way to work? Yeah. And you're just like, God, I just want this Egg McMuffin. Because when you go for a McDonald's breakfast, it's because you've been thinking about it for a while. For a while. That's been like three days earlier. You were like, okay, when am I going to wake up early next?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When can I make this move? Airports are the best. I would be. Airports, yeah. Yeah, okay, when am I going to wake up early next? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When can I make this move? Airports are the best. I would be. Airports, yeah. Yeah, I eat a lot of breakfast. That's the only time I ever get McDonald's breakfast anymore. But then you get on an airplane having just eaten McDonald's.

You can't depend on the toilet. I've depended on it so many times. It doesn't let me down. Oh, I don't shit on it yet. I don't do it. I have before, but I hate it. I'm too big, and then if I do blow it up, then that fat guy stank up the... Yeah.

I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that to us. Everybody's looking at you like you just shit in there. Yeah, I'm not doing that to the community. Yeah. Thank you. I don't do it either. We have good hygiene.

It's important as a fat person. Sean, you'll find this out. I'll get there. I'm working on that. On your 45th birthday. Yeah. It is so important. I may have said this on the podcast before, but good hygiene is so important.

If all of us fat guys just band together, by the way, and just decide to have extra good hygiene, we can change that stigma in one generation. You said it the other day. Because the charisma train can't be stopped. We have to be charismatic. Yeah. And then on top of it, if we smell really good, and then people are like, yeah, fat guys, you know, it's not good for you, but they all smell so good. Yeah, oh my God.

Let's make that happen. It would be a new day. I mean, first of all. It's these fucking MRA trolls in basements mucking it up for the rest of us. Take a fucking bath, kid. Yeah, take a bath, talk to a woman, it's going to be all right. It really will be. You know, talk to a woman. Or a guy. Sure, sure, sure. Or a bath, talk to a woman, it's going to be all right. It really will be. Or a guy.

Sure, sure, sure. Or a dude, whatever. Whatever it is you're trying to, yeah. I don't think dudes boning dudes have the same negative, because fat dudes can get it. Right. Yeah, yeah. They get it. Oh, yeah.

They get it. Absolutely. They get it in. Smack it, flip it, rub it, damn. Work it, flip it, dip it, and ride that B-double-O-T-Y-O-M-I. That's the thing. If there's a... Well, I it, damn. Work it, flip it, dip it, and ride that B-O-O-T-Y-O-M-I-N-E. That's the thing. If there's a... Well, I cannot acknowledge that.

I mean, we're off on a tangent in the middle of this Taco Bell draft, but for fat guys, there's some fat guys who haven't had good luck with women listening to this. All you got to do is try. Really. Just try a little bit. Just try. That's really all you have to do. Because if you look at these other dudes, not trying.

A lot of people out there not trying. It is crazy how hard these dudes aren't trying. Yeah. A long time ago, a long time ago, before we both still lived in Portland. Yeah. And one thing that you said to me, you're like, you know what I do now? Is I spend money on like good laundry detergent. Yeah.

Because the clothes just like, they look better. They smell better. You feel better. And you're like, that's a small thing that makes me feel so much better just in life. And I was like, that is a good, solid point. You find those little small things. Tide balls, dude. Yeah.

Tide balls are so. You pop three of them in there. I feel like that load's kind of funky. Ooh, that's clean. That's coming out clean. Shit comes out smelling like spring rain. I'm still getting. So all I'm saying.

Yeah. You know, just try. Put in a little effort to your appearance. You can be a fat guy, but if you're wearing like a clean doesn't even have to be a new item of clothing. And then just go try to talk to people and be nice. Yeah. That's just how everybody should try to do it.

Just. And if you get your dills neck seals knocked, you know what I mean? Thank us by going to MackWeldon.com You want to get that post note? And entering promo code allfantasy Always be closing Mac Weldon underwear has got the perfect size dick hole So you can get your

Post mode Wait did you just say Are you getting laid with your underwear on I was like whoa that's crazy What a weird move that would be to do to a woman What a weird move that would be to do in life It's still out. It's still out.

If somebody complained, what if- I don't even understand. That would be so weird. And you have a condom on, so it's like you can't even actually see any of your flesh. You're not technically naked. You could walk into a 7-Eleven. Yeah. If you had a dark condom on, they would just assume you had a boner

yeah like one of those not see through condoms you can walk right into a 7-11 I feel like a condom probably counts as clothes it must it's over your dung what are we going to do my dung is covered god that would be but like I don't have the peaches to pull it off

no I don't know I'd be afraid that I'd lose my erection and then the condom would fall off and then I'd I would for sure lose my erection. Yeah. Yeah. In a convenience store? Yeah. Yeah.

Unless it was one of those sexy seven-line. Yeah, yeah. Unless they got a new nacho cheese machine. I don't know what the idea is, but there's something here for a podcast. Some kind of draft. I don't know what it is. All of that brings us back to David's second pick.

My second pick. Oh, this one. I'm taking this right out of the game. Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Oh, it's so good. Right there for me. It's so much more filling than you think. It's hard to eat and not look like an animal afterwards.

For me, it's everywhere when I'm done with it. Well, you are an animal. It's got the tangs? You're eating that thing. It's got the tang sauce. It does have the tang sauce. That has like a shitload of the tang sauce. Yeah, it's covered.

A gang of tang, I think. Tang gang. Tang gang. Shout out to Taco Bell for just doing the kind of shit that you wish they'd do. And they do it. Always. They always come through for me. I like that crunch of the hard taco, but I love the suppleness of the gordita.

God, I'm going to get one later. And they put the cheese in the middle. It's so good. They put the cheese in the middle. Well, that's what they were thinking. We're like, okay, great. Sounds good. Yeah.

Sounds great in theory. Yeah. But how do we get the gordita to stick to the Taco Bell crunch? They're like, genius. I feel like there's one guy. I feel like they have like a cooler. Like the guy who like, he invented the initial Taco Bell menu and then he moved out to Arizona. He lives on a ranch.

Oh, I like that. And then like once every six months they come. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Like they copped her in and he's like sitting on his porch whittling and he's You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Like, they copped her in, and he's, like, he's, like, sitting on his porch whittling, and he's like, what's this about?

And they're like, we have this Cinnabon contract. We don't know what to do. And he was like, I told you I was out of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to raise my granddaughter. She's riding a horse in the background.

Her parents died of heart disease. What do you want me to do about it? Yeah. Come on in. Come inside. You're the best we've ever had. He pours them each just, like, a tiny bit of Baja Blast into two tumblers, you know what I mean?

And then it's like one last job, and he's like, damn it, one last job. And then he comes in and invents the cheesy gordita crunch. That guy I heard little Stephanie got into Harvard. I'm sure you'd like to see her actually attend, and he's like, what are you doing today? What are you doing? Yeah. I don't think I can't mess with the transcripts. It's like Rhapsody Blues. They'll do it.

Oh my god. I know what they're doing. I love that. I think we just wrote a movie. That is a movie. Or at least a series of Taco Bell commercials. That would be. Get at us, Taco Bell, if you want that kind of creative juice.

We could knock out a 10-part series. at ian carmel.com hit hit us up it has to get back to taco bell that we're doing this right i mean bye maybe i've been trying to do a lot of brand stuff lately and are you talking about how you made us all drink cutty sock that was gnarly it's so bad. David was drinking it like it was water. And it tastes like perfume smells, Cutty Sark, though. It's really awful. They pour... We were at the Roost in Atwater Village, if anyone's a Los Angeles restaurant, looking

for some cash on lunch. Cool, delicious Cutty Sark. If you want to drink the shit... David was like, we're drinking Cutty Sark. We took the joke too far. But it's no joke for you. No. We did...

They pour thick shots there, is why I bring it up. Th it up thick deep shots and we were doing shots of cuddy sark it was bad it it was like the shit that joaquin phoenix drinks in the master i bet like from what it looks like i will say that that is the life of an unofficial spokesman it's not easy no one said it was i i understood never told you it was gonna be an easy ride no you're gonna be living that life and hope they take notice anything you guys 300 retweets they've never said anything amin el hassan who was on the pilot heard your cutty shark idea and thought it was genius it is what's gonna happen if he snakes that uh-oh honestly i'd rather not all right let's not speculate he's a good guy he's a good guy

i don't want that i don't want record of me saying in the cloud um david the the luxury of a i'm gonna say it serpentine draft is that you also get to make the first pick of the third round and which is really interesting because you said it earlier and i'm gonna go with it i'm gonna go with little mountain dew baja blast no shit i was gonna do that too you couldn't get it anywhere but taco bell forever for years for years yeah yeah it doesn't it doesn't taste it's like you ever have a and w root beer at an a and w yeah you can't go back to the can yeah it's way better yeah that's how it is baja blast needs to come from the source yeah it was It was designed to cut through.

You needed a stronger Mountain Dew to cut through the likes of Taco Bell. A standard Mountain Dew wouldn't do it. It would get lost on the trip to your taste buds. It was too soft. It couldn't get through a tang sauce. Oh, man. Dude, Baja Blast punched you right in the face. It really does.

If you've got a little bit of Gordita over here in your cheek, you're chewing it still. In the hole. You're trying to rinse out that hole back there. Your happy hole. You save some for later spot. I don't drink soda anymore, but I do miss the Baja Blast. I do miss the Baja Blast. It's the only soda I even really like very much.

That was a helicopter ride that he's like, what do you mean? I've got to invent a soda? I've never done that. They're like, we need something. That took him like a week. It killed him. It killed him. They killed one of his relatives. here's the catch it has to be

mountain dew yeah what he just like throws the papers off the table yeah you're fucking killing me jack told you i was out mountain dew what that was such a power move because yeah there's the nw chain that has their roof here but like no fast food chain, no unaffiliated fast food chain have been out with their own soda. No. None still is. What other place has their own soda? Why don't more places do that?

Aren't there a couple different kinds of Baja Blast, or am I crazy? Isn't there like purple Baja Blast now or something? That may have happened. I miss that. Mountain Dew has 700 flavors. Yeah, they got a grip. A lot of them are just like synonyms for power. Well, they got like all those Kickstarters now.

Mountain Dew Rage! While we're on the topic of Mountain Dew and Taco Bell, I have to tell this story I'm the most ashamed of. Ha! Yes! On a Taco Bell draft, he says that. Almost, yeah. I don't even know if it's fun, and it makes me look like such a a dickhead so I don't know why I'm putting it on the record have I ever heard it? you've heard this story

I am the most ashamed of this me and my friends in our late teens still you know late high school we got into a lot of suburban mischief just suburban mischief no real crimes just stealing beer, running around causing mischief nothing no no real crimes just stealing beer running around sure causing mischief and uh we we i went to taco bell and for some reason this seemed like it was going to be a

funny thing for us to do i ordered a large bantam do code red oh that was the worst one the code because they also had the code red and i ordered a a large amount of new Code Red and paid for it. And then when they handed it to me, I yelled out, Code Red, and threw it back at the person who handed it to me. And it exploded and got all over the person at the drive-thru. And I drove off with my friend. I don't even remember which friend was with me, cackling. Cackling like a witch. I yelled out Code Red like it was a thing.

Like, Code Red! And I threw this poor person, this poor motherfucker who had to work at Taco Bell that night. There's no way they were stoked about it. No, not. Could you imagine how pissed this fucking fucking kid this fucking curly-headed giant comes up to me you're a boy i'm a man seriously that dude was probably like the manager and he went home and like how was your day fuck you that's how my day was and then you know on paper it would have been funny had you done it to a civilian, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If someone was like. Walking down the street. If someone was like, hey, Ian, you want this Mountain Dew Code Red? And you took it and you're like, Code Red! And you just shook it up and threw it somewhere. First of all, it's funny. No matter what. I felt.

No matter who you did it to. I feel so terrible about it. You should feel bad, but it's funny. The Code Red. Yeah. It is funny. Code Red. You just throw it right back at him.

I didn't even. I didn't like splashing a drink in someone's face. It wasn't like that. It was like a grenade. That's so. I threw threw and it hit him sideways you know what i mean like the body and it exploded everywhere what i respect about you is even when you're doing evil it's still very funny it was whimsical and fun do you think they ever tell that story and it's it's like i bet it's the exact opposite when they tell like they're in the worst mood yeah like this motherfucker but it's the same

story you'll go back to the same out oh yeah dozens of times wow yeah yeah yeah that's the crazy thing is i went to my neighborhood taco bell to do it what a fool the children man the only possible talk about such a high turnover i knew I only had to wait like a week. But the only maybe is like they got sent home. They were like, oh, God, sorry, Jake. You know, you got covered in Mountain Dew. Why don't you take it off? Shake it off.

Yeah. Shake it off, kid. But Baja Blast, good pick. I never did it with Baja Blast. That's a good pick. Sean Jordan, it's time for your third pick. I'm going to pick the... It's the third pick. Oh, it is already.

I'm going to pick the Volcano third pick Oh it is already I'm gonna pick the volcano taco Oh Okay And it's It's not on there anymore I tried to get one For your boy over here I love It was

The shit You're taking the volcano taco Yeah Okay Taking a volcano taco Not the burrito No The taco

Okay Okay Can you hear How serious everybody is Alright We might talk Not the burrito. No, the taco. Okay. Okay. Can you hear how serious everybody is? All right. We might talk about the burrito later. I just didn't know how close some of these pics were to my heart until we aired this out. Is that the one with the red?

Did it have a red shell? Yeah. Okay. And it was like the first one that came out where they're like, it had the volcano sauce was just killer. I love it. My friend Rupert worked at a Taco Bell. Yo, what? Rupert Murdoch. You have a friend named Rupert? one that came out where they're like it had the volcano sauce was just yeah i love killer my friend rupert worked at a taco bell yo what murdoch you have a friend named rupert josh when did you become

friends with a teddy bear is that a nick oh wait that's the name from family guy that's not me making an original joke but that is a teddy bear ass name we're like rupert would call it taco bell for sure oh yeah dude rupert was he's this like Filipino kid, real, real mellow, like smoked pounds of weed a day. Yeah. All tatted up. We're like, Rupert, where do you get that volcano sauce? He's like, I don't know.

And we're like, you work at Taco Bell. Where is he? He's like, I don't know where they get it. We could not get it out of him where they got the sauce. I mean, it has to just come in like a bag. Were you going to hijack it? I was going to have him steal us a fucking bag of it. Like if it, however it came, why can't you do that?

Why can't you just steal a bag of it? Then you could have flipped it now. Dude, if you had that sauce now like on eBay It would have all been gone. To sell it to some purists? You know what's crazy is there had to, that had to have been a popular item. Because I loved it. So what did they do? So what

had to happen? Was it like an endangered animal that they turned into like volcano sauce and now it's all gone? Some evil shit? Like why is it gone? It was made from real volcano rocks. For Taco Bell to get rid of an item seems crazy. You know what I mean? But they do a lot.

They do. It's a revolving door. A lot of times my thing is I went to get and Ian actually asked for a volcano taco or something. 100% didn't ask for a volcano taco. It was like volcano sauce. Yeah, on a burrito. Anyway. They told me they didn't have the volcano sauce.

I was like, what? That's astonishing to me because it's so dank. They should have, I don't know. Yes, volcano taco. That was the first foray into don't know. Yes, Volcano Taco. That was the first foray into the colored shell. Yeah, it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was digging, again, I don't want to say, I was digging deep in the archives today.

I found one that I'd never even heard of. Maybe we'll talk about it later. And if we don't, then we will either way. I'm excited to hear about it. Yeah, who knows? All right. That's it. That's my third pick.

So with my third pick pick i'm going to take the volcano quesarito oh which was the real move they the volcano quesarito a quesarito yeah with that fucking bomb ass volcano sauce that is that's all for me enough taco quesarito is so good yeah one quesarito is almost enough to where you don't need it i love the quesarito is so good. One quesarito is almost enough to where you don't need anything. I love the quesarito. It is a substantial. We were talking about substantial, the cheesy gordita crunches. The quesarito takes it even one step further.

It has that sauce on the top. That's why it's like four bucks. This is the burrito. Quesarito doesn't always have sauce on it. That's the burrito that has a quesadilla instead of a tortilla. Yeah. Wait, what am I thinking of? I don't know.

A wet burrito, like a smothered. It's somewhere on the menu. It's like literally if you just wet wrapped a burrito in a quesadilla. Okay. I know what you're talking about. Burrito ingredients. I know what it looks like now. Roll up a quesadilla.

Yes. I'm thinking about what it looks like on the menu. It's crazy. When they came out with that, that was one that I had to stick up for a lot because people like oh that looks so gross no it doesn't it just looks bad for you yeah it's and it sure is no one's arguing that i would not i would not go to bat for the fact that it's that it's good for you if you just distilled the salt in that thing took it out and put it like it would look like the in a scar face it just piled it up yeah no one's screaming that one was coming to me chico it was so good they are so good the volcano

case three it's fuck it's it's just a bit it's a thick cut of meat it's so big and that's that's the proper volcano stuff that's a slab so much other stuff going on for me yeah you got your your draft is your draft but for me i need that sauce in like sort of a burrito situation where it's mingling with a few more ingredients you know yeah the thing see the thing about a volcano tacos i can get like four of them that's true i couldn't get four quesadillas but we're getting to the same the government won't let you not anymore not today no you're not after what happened what happened You can't get more than two after what happened So that's your first one

Now you're doing your fourth, right? That's third That was my third So now I gotta go with my fourth This is tricky It's getting dicey This is getting we separate god damn butts from the nuts you know what i'm saying butts butts butts dot biz

butts butts butts dot biz i got some boring shit on here now that you guys called me out i mean there's some buck shit too but some of them like what are you thinking there's a few classics we still haven't hit i know there's a few classics we still haven't had i know god i am i'm so conflicted right now i've never felt more unprepared in a draft it's tricky because even though i have a big list but so much stuff has come off the menu i was looking like as i'm going through it i was like oh this will be easy but now i'm like no you know what's in my heart i would be all right i'm gonna go i'm go. Even though I just went Volcano Quesarito, I'm going to go with the Beef Grilled Stuff Burrito.

Okay. Oh, the XL? The XXL? The XXL Beef Grilled Stuff Burrito. You know what? Huh? I respect that. Yeah.

Because it's got the crispy... I love the crispy. Mm-hmm. I love the crispy. Did you say the... wait say it again the double xl uh-huh beef grilled stuff burrito okay yeah yep uh it's simple i love i love it's it's it's just it's just your it's just your every i'll be honest this was a panic pick i get it a lot i every time i go to Taco Bell You know not every time

But most of the times I go to Taco Bell Get a beef grilled stuffed burrito There's less banter right now Because we're all panicking Everybody's looking at their menus It got thick in the air I just wanted to have a pic loaded I would say it's the more

We've discussed some serious Well obviously more serious than this But like some actual topics. And this is where I'm like my back's sweating right now. Yeah, I'm kind of nervous. I'm really nervous. Fuck. I'll be honest though.

I really do love the Beef Grill Stuff Burrito. It's all in there. The crunch on the top of it is really good. It's a big – it's big. That's another thing you can – It's the highest quality burrito that they have, I think. It is. Yeah, it's like the most expensive.

Sometimes – It's like a $4 or $5 item. Like when you It is. Yeah, it's like the most expensive. Sometimes... It's like a $4 or $5 item. Like when you get it, you're really like, that's when you're doing... That's when I've got a 10 spot to drop on this. Yeah. This whole situation. You're like, I'm a burnt head. I don't even give a fuck.

I know earlier we said no steak, but I have gotten the steak grill stuff burrito. How do you feel about it? It's good. It's kind of good, actually. The thing is, the steak, it's not bad. It's just not, you know, I'm not dying for it. But it's still good. Everything on the menu is amazing to me.

Everything. I don't even like guacamole. You know, throw it on there. It's from Taco Bell. What? Yeah, I don't. Yeah, that's crazy. I didn't mean to upset.

Are you fucking with me? No, I don't like guacamole. Like, in the morning? I really don't like it in the morning. It's really good in the morning, too. good the morning i mean what about chips i you know i'll try it if it's on the table i'll try it have you just not had a lot of guacamole i've never had one that i've really enjoyed i don't i don't hate it i think we could just we could we could change that up all right me and my boy one time we made crab guacamole oh that sounds so Crabs we caught in the bay. Really?

Yeah. I don't like seafood, though. Oh, you'd hate that. God damn it. I'm such a bad friend. You made it so much worse. Yeah. I just like, I thought I was flexing on you, and I was really just blowing it.

You don't like guacamole. What if I piss in it? Then would you like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have a lot else to say about the girl stuff burrito it's just great all the ingredients are in there it's spread out usually one thing taco bell seems to nail which is crazy because it is sort of a low rent establishment ingredient distribution is usually pretty good on those things really yeah they don't you don't

really like bite into the sour cream you're rarely burrito. You rarely bite into a just rice bite. Yeah, because they have those little cock guns that they do it with, and they always give it a good layering, like Subway does with their fucking mayo and stuff. Yeah. So that's pretty legit. Some places will just squeeze a chunk, and you're like, what are you doing?

I hate it when you see him making it it and you're like, spread my shit. Spread it out. Come on, man. You're going to be like that? I know. It's 4.30. You want to go home, but spread my shit, Tony. It's 4.30.

XXL Beef Grill Stuff Burritos is the pick. Sean Jordan, it is time for your fourth pick. All right. So you guys tell me if I have to be specific or – because I'm picking the loaded griller. Now, do I have to be specific as to which kind of – Yeah, you have to say which one. Buffalo chicken loaded griller. You motherfucker.

And it's not – they have – so right now on the menu currently they have three that are not the buffalo chicken. So there's three other ones. Yeah. But they had the buffalo chicken and it was the only buffalo chicken thing they've ever had on their menu ever and i because that's not even vaguely mexican it's not even homo it's from buffalo new york it's not even tangential i just yeah it's just that's just a pool buffalo new york is maybe the least mexican place i've ever been i'm sure there's mexicans shout out to them but like and and a shout out Mexicans there. Shout out to them. And a shout out to them it goes.

I went there in December though. It was cold. Yeah, that doesn't feel like Mexico. The Buffalo Chicken What is the item called again? Buffalo Chicken Loaded Griller. They had the happy hour and those grillers were a dollar? Yeah, they were a dollar. And they might be back to a dollar right now.

Are they really? Or maybe it's the breakfast ones. It's just Buffalo Chicken and sour. And they might be back to a dollar right now. Are they really? Or maybe it's the breakfast ones. But it's just buffalo chicken and sour cream, and that might be it. And buffalo sauce. And then it's just rolled up in a griller, and they press it like they do to that. Oh, yeah, those are good. They do the same thing to that XXL burrito, but the grillers are smaller, so you could get one of each. I never fuck with them, really.

They're good. I got to get them in the rotation. It's a good little supplement. I'm looking at pictures of them right now and they look fantastic when they came out i would always go just get one of each because there were four and it'd be like you know 460 4.60 or something and uh yeah super dope your palate takes you on a wild ride my friend i would love for them to do a little joint oh yeah like a little bit like a little variety of the spice of life uh-huh uh-huh what if if, let me throw this at you. Throw it at me, dude.

What if they fucked around and made a XXL Grilled Stuff Burrito sized Buffalo Chicken Roller? Could you go in and ask for it? See, that's what you can do. Dave and I were talking about this on the way here. You can do that. And this is my fourth pick. Yeah. Right?

My last pick will be, I think, regional. Because you can do that. Chislic. Yeah, right? yeah right i would the chislerito no like i talk show because they got the shit back there you know yeah you can they can they have all the ingredients they know how to they have shells or tortillas that are big enough to make one of those double xl ones And they got the proportions, yeah. Yeah, why couldn't they do it? We find out tonight.

Yeah, we find out. Check on Twitter for the results. Watch the news tomorrow morning in Glendale, and you'll find out if they had the right answer or not. I'm going to go live on Facebook. Yeah, we're going to go live on Facebook. Maybe we will go live on Facebook to tease the episode, which is coming out a day late. We're sorry. Maybe they'll let us on Facebook to tease the episode, which is coming out a day late. We're sorry. Maybe they'll let us do this from prison. Who knows?

Buffalo chicken loaded griller. Excellent pick. You're a man who loves wings. This album combines your two favorite things. It really does. Chicken wings and Taco Bell. It really does. And I wish if Old English made a buffalo chicken loaded griller.

Dude, if I could get Old English on tap there, if I could just right next to the Baja Blast, they just had Old English? Old English on tap. It's probably cheaper to make than the Baja Blast. I feel like you can make somebody make a keg of Old English, right? Yeah, I'm sure. Sorry, this is for a later date. We'll have this conversation.

Plans need to be... Something's been started. Absolutely. The seeds were planted today. Yeah, dude. Buffalo chicken, loaded griller, excellent pick. David, it is time for your fourth and then your fifth pick. And then my fifth.

So guys, just chill out. Let me take you back. Okay. Take me on a drive. It's, you know, I'm thinking it's fall 99. Oh, back in the day. Wait, 99? When I was young, I'm not a kid anymore, but some days I say I wish I was a kid again.

You know, you're wearing cargo pants. Maybe you're wearing some type of silver, some type of shiny shirt. Commercial comes on. You're watching TV after school. The commercial comes on. You hear a straw move. Yeah. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

The young guy comes on the screen. He says, my name is David. My friends call me D. One hungry young dog I be. I'm smooth like a penguin, slick like a tuxedo. So hook me up with my gooey and chorito. Oh, the gooey and chorito. And chorito is my fourth pick.

Did you just write that? No, that was the commercial. That was the commercial. Really? That was the commercial. You never. And they were doing it. They were making the beat with the straws.

Yeah. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Sick. You really don't remember that? Not one bit do I remember that. No. It's funny that it worked out that the guy's name was David. And you're just sitting there like, I'm David.

Yeah, which is probably why I still remember it. I want to go to the interview. That commercial is saying the goods, so when it would come on, you might turn off Believe by Cher or Live in La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin or even Every Morning by Sugar Ray, which are three songs that were popular in 1999.

Every morning there's a halo hanging on my girlfriend's four-post bed. Stop me from believing. then you turn that down because it's like wait a minute this commercial's pretty fun do you believe in love i can feel something inside me saying dude i really don't think it's strong enough. Enchirito? Oh, yeah. Enchirito. Sorry. Gooey Enchirito.

The Enchirito, if you guys remember, that was a smothered burrito. Yeah. So it had the sauce all over it. It felt like you were at a real restaurant. Yeah. Is that still on there? No, it's gone. You can't get it, right?

No, no, no. That's like long gone. That was a timely. Days of a bygone era. You know. Yeah, it is gone, right? And we no, no. That's like long gone. That was a timely. Days of a bygone era. You know. Yeah, it is gone, right? And we were kings. See, that's what you wanted. I like.

A gooey enchilada. Wait, so. I bet you if you can look it up. You can look it up. Those are the words to the commercial. I remember 100%. I don't doubt that. Yeah, that is.

Sounds perfect. God damn. That would have to come. You know what I bet why they got rid of it? It was too much. It was a lot of packaging. Because it had to come on its own plate. To get that to go would be like hell.

It was on the nachos plate. Yo. I'm almost glad that that came out before I really started drinking. Because I could see myself waking up and ruining a whole bed. Yeah. Now you've got to get new sheets. Yeah. Ruining a whole bed with it.

These were Nautica, but you fucking blew it because you had to get a Dorito. It looks so good, though. Because you eat Taco Bell in bed. That happens sometimes. Oh, yeah. Every time I get it, I eat it in bed. It's bed food. Yeah.

It's your classic bed food. It is so. Constantly. It's so gnarly. And then, oh, it's me on the last one. Yeah. And this, I am so surprised this didn't get picked up earlier. I'm closing out my draft.

I am saying Cinnamon Twists. Oh! That was Kelly Jordan's move all the time. With your final pick, a little dessert. Yeah, a little dessert. Shout out to Kelly Jordan. Angel. Shout out to Kelly Jordan.

Oh, shout out to Sue Carmel. Sue Carmel. Angel as well. Kelly Jordan, Sue Carmel. Oh, Sarah Borey. Sarah Borey. God, I bet she's an angel. She likes Mountain Dew regular.

That's fine. She likes it uncut. She's not wrong. No, yeah, she likes it raw. Yeah. I think it's because she's really little, so it feels like drugs to her. She's like 4'11". She's 4'11"?

Yeah, I think it's like a whole other thing. You're 4'11"? Yeah, she's so small. That's gnarly. And she's like, when I was a kid, she used to get kids menus at restaurants. Really? Because people thought she was a child. She can't hold as much food. Yeah, but I mean, also the caffeine.

Oh, they thought she was a kid? Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, because she's just- She just thought like three kids were rolling through? Yeah. Or whatever? I always wondered about that.

You thought, we're on like a kid date? What the fuck are you talking about? It's just child is taking this other child to eat at Red Robin on Wednesday? Two kids menu. I guess there's nothing against the law. Yeah. Is there a law? It's weird that two kids just walk into Red Robin.

I don't know. Well, I can't. I mean, what happens if like two 11-year-olds sit down? If you were their server, you'd be like. Do you guys have money? Can you show me what you're going to pay with first? Yeah. That's because you don't have to. If my mom was a kid, though, then it's super adorable because she had like a purse.

Yeah, it was very cute. Oh, that kid took that kid to Red Robin for his birthday. Plus she got out of a car. Yeah. I don't think that's okay. She got out of a car. The cinnamon twist. She had pepper spray.

She had pepper spray. They still got them. The cinnamon twist is still there. It's She has pepper spray. They still got them. The cinnamon twist is still there. Yeah. It's still on the cravings menu or whatever. Every time you get them, too, you're never mad when you get them. No. They're always.

They're so good. Yeah. And they've been holding it down for years. Ever since I. My mom used to. I think cinnamon crispas are a little different, but my mom used to call them cinnamon crispas. And that's like every order she would get it. They had. Yeah. Did they come off the menu for a minute i think so they used to give them

to you with like the kids me yes they used to give them to you with everything didn't they or am i crazy there was a time i feel like before the taco because remember before they were trying to push they tried to push different sides yeah they also tried to push chips and cheeses aside yeah they did tots for a while those. They had that beans and rice. No, beans and cheese they would do. I think they still have the pintos and cheese, actually. Oh, really? I think. You can still get it for a side.

That might be on that Fresco. I've been known to actually get that. Mexi Nuggets. That's what they were. I'm not going to pick them, but they used to have Mexi Nuggets. Were they like little tater tots? They were so good. I bet. Bring back the Mexi Nug yeah yeah yeah anyone here is listening i'm a big potatoes guy um but yeah the cinnamon twists are good man cinnamon twists just a solid i never think i

never think about dessert when i go there you're so deep in your meat i am so well i'm so you're a savory i'm savory too i'm not a big sweet I'm a savory guy but every once in a great while it's great it's a good sometimes savory meets sweet just like in a perfect marriage yeah it's beautiful and then they live happily ever after uh how blessed Sean Jordan how are you going to build on the success of the buffalo chicken loaded griller with your final pick your final pick which we have been teased out as perhaps being regional yeah uh so the chili cheese burrito is what i'm going with i think that's everywhere oh it was in oregon at least then explain it to me it's it's simple man it's caveman simple it's just like chili and it's just a chili cheese burrito chili and cheese burrito real simple but perfect like and then like hormel style chili like a little it's like

more like skyline chili like kind of it's like right in the middle it's got some consistency to it and then nacho cheese that sounds like something you get down at pink's it's so good yeah it does you just like it gives me that rare excuse to put hot sauce on chili, which is like something I'd want to do. Yeah, 100%. And it's super dope. It's a little sloppy. It is. It sounds like just a tube of goo.

And it's a move too. Like if you get it with, so if you have chip, it kind of is a tube of goo. But if you have chips, then you can turn it into like some sort of chili dip as well. And it's dope. How does a regional, in a place like Taco Bell, how is there just like a regional in a place like taco but how does how is there just like a regional thing it used to be on the menu yeah i would go you know it was on the menu and then i was driving to like i was driving through illinois one time and i ordered chili cheese burrito and they talked to me like i was a fucking lunatic and i was like do you i mean do

you have chili and cheese and the guy's like yeah and i was like can you just throw one together in a burrito and they did they did it they just? But they just, like, I was a moron. How was it? Was it the same? Pretty much. Yeah, was it the same? It was the same? You know what would be tight is if they could start, like, some sort of grilled form of that so it could keep its shape. A little more integrity?

Yeah. That structural integrity that we talked about. That's what you need that's crispy. You know what would be a chili cheese quesarito? Whoa. That's what's up. That would be so good. Yeah.

I feel like they really need to listen to this. I hope they do. And then pay us for all these ideas. Just pay us by having it be there. Yo, if you give me a year of free Taco Bell. Can you imagine? The guy who invented the polio vaccine never trademarked it. Really?

Yeah, so the world could have it and he didn't have to make a ton of money. Okay, that's what we're doing with this. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Shout out to Jonas Salk. There he goes. Is that who did it? Jonas Salk.

Is that what he's famous for? Yeah. I feel like I was thinking about Jonah Hex. Who's Jonah Hex? The comic? Is that a comic book character? The comic book cowboy. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. Didn't they make a movie? Yeah. Then didn't I see it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might... I don't even know if I saw it. I think I saw it.

Jonah Hicks. Jonah saw... Invented the polio vaccine. Not a cowboy, as far as I know. But kind of like a medical cowboy. He was a medical cowboy. A lot of medical cowboys. On a steel horse he rides.

Oh, man. A medical cowboy. Can that be... Can that be some a steel horse he rides. Oh man, a medical cowboy. Can that be some sort of gang that we are in? Let's watch for a cowboy. Medical cowboys. I'm going to have to get way more into pharmaceutical drugs. You can kill out. I'll help you out. They're fun. I'm not a big fan.

That's not what we're here to do today. What is your last pick? Oh, my final pick. And the final pick before we all go to Taco Bell. Is the Rookie of the Year. It's the newest item on the menu. Okay. Yeah, okay.

All right. I'm going with the Naked Chicken Chalupa. I can't believe that I forgot it. It's been on the menu for less than a month, my friends. Yeah, I thought we were going to go. And it's good as fuck. It's already in your top five it's already in my top five not a lot of people one of them not a lot of people have come at me and his yeah not a lot of people have come at me saying they think it's gross which is i love that because people i think are finally like

you know what fuck it i will i'll let this be good i love i'm one of those people who said it's gross and i picked it and it is gross but it's so good there I'm one of those people who said it's gross, and I picked it. And it is gross, but it's so good. It's so good. There's something – what I said, and I'll repeat the thing I said to you. It's gruesome. There's something so gruesome. It is crazy.

About replacing bread with meat. And reshaping the meat. And reshaping it. Like they shape the meat into taco. They do. It is very – makes you feel like maybe I should be a vegetarian. I never, it does. It really does.

You think about this as an animal. But it's delicious. Imagine if that's how you die. You go out. Then I wouldn't be mad at it. Then you get in like, why do I give a fuck? I'm dead. You know, like I don't care after that.

It's so good. You ever think your mom's got to see people? I mean, you might. You're probably not going to die before your mom. This is a weird. I don't know. I don't like this door. I don This is a weird. I don't know. I don't like this door.

I don't like this door. I don't like this door. Close this door. Close this door. Close this door. Close this door. What? I never had a KFC Double Dan. Did you guys?

Yeah, I had one. I did not have one. What did you think, Sean? I loved it. You loved it? I think it was. Did they also have bacon? It was bacon and cheese.

It was like bacon and cheese in the middle with two chicken patties. I bet I would have loved it. Yeah, it was fantastic. But it was back when I was still on that tip of like, oh, yeah, you're right. This is gross. I hate these. Would just tell my friends.

That lie. I was lying. Yeah. Straight up lie. I loved it. You were just eating that shit. Just like I had one of those bowls one time, and I told everyone I hated it, but I loved them.

I had so many of those bowls. Oh, the KFC Famous Bowl? Yeah. Oh, Famous Bowl is great. They're good. They're so good. Who was it? Was it Patton Oswalt who ruined that for everybody?

Him or like Gaffigan. One of them had like a joke, a bit about it, make it sound all gross. They're so good. Was it Patton Oswalt who ruined that for everybody? Him or like Gaffigan. One of them had a joke a bit about it making it sound all gross. Like, what's gross about it? It's like, shut up. If that's gross, then just KFC's gross. Oh, you poorly nerd gentleman. You don't enjoy fried chicken mixed with potatoes mixed with cheese?

Bullshit. And corn so you feel like you're doing something? Shut up. It's easy to make fun of, but it's dope. It's like Bad Boys 2. Easy to make fun of. Super good. I was amazed. I mean, on this very podcast is when I found out it had a bad Rotten Tomatoes score.

People don't know Bad Boys 2. That's one of my 10, 15 favorite movies. Yeah, it's fantastic. Definitely 15, maybe 10. But it's an easy one where people are like, oh, yeah, that sucks. And they rip on it. And you're like, stop. What are you doing? It's so good at what it's an easy where people like oh yeah that sucks and they rip on and you're like stop what are you doing so good i'm not even trying to be a contrarian but i'm a bad boys one guy oh that doesn't mean it's also a good movie yeah that's fair yeah i prefer

two one is also very good i like them both woosa woosa yeah a little bit of that young joe pantaleon ah yeah snuck his way into the taco bell podcast somehow like he always does joe pantaleon so he's sneaking onto those taco bizzle podcasts that that wraps up that crunch wraps up um big pause for laughs i just had wicked deja vu from what i i was gonna i don't know it's still going on yeah i was gonna ask before we it up, if I can tell a small little story about Frat. Oh, please. Yeah. Taco Bell story.

Frat, my friend Frat, I grew up with in South Dakota. We were sitting around one day and he's like, I kind of want some 40s and some Taco Bell. I was like, I do too. And we were both broke. It was like 10 years ago. I don't even think we had jobs. And he's like, I could go pawn my Wii and then we could get a couple of forties each and some Taco Bell.

And I was like, if that's the world you want to live in where you pawn your Wii. And he did. He got like 50 bucks for his Wii. Wow. We went and bought two forties each and then we had like 40 bucks left and he spent like 30 on Taco Bell. You would almost have to. That seems like it was probably a dope ass day.

I mean, here I am 10 years later, like I don't remember playing wee bowling that day what i remember is fucking taco bell in 40s that day that's a great story it was so tight sometimes 50 bucks could really change it really i remember going to a coin star and getting like 38 bucks out of it just being like it's a new day we made it it's a new day you're not stressed anymore you get some fun so other than the 86 dollars we spent together via postmates let's wrap up on this final question. What is the most you've spent on yourself? One just for you at Taco Bell. Dude, I don't even.

$16. Really? I was going to say somewhere between the $12 to $16 region. Yeah, I don't have a specific order in mind. Because I don't buy meals either. a specific because i don't buy meals either so me neither i don't go meals it's piecework yeah i will say i will say i've left with like nine items before wow like you know and they i'm pretty hard shell tacos yeah i'm pretty thrifty with it like i usually stick to that cravings menu yeah yeah loaded griller but like i will

yeah i've left with like nine you do the cravingss, man. You ought to respect to Katie Lang, right? And her song, Constant Craving. That's exactly what I do. That's mostly the root of that, right? Every time I order, I picture Katie Lang handing me all of my items. I'm like, Katie, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for everything you've done for feminism. Shout out to Portland Trailblazer fan,

Katie Lang. Shout out to Canada. Shout out to Canada. In general, man. It's like easy listening, good music. Yeah. Oh, Constant Craving is a hit song. I just want a vibe, man. Constant Craving.

Yeah. Our drafts. David Borey. You want beef Baja Chalupa, cheesy gordita crunch, Baja Blast, the soda, the gooey enchilada, and the cinnamon twists. Bang. Sean Jordan. That's a good meal. Sean Jordan, you led off with a bean burrito.

No onions. Sampler platter. Sampler platter. Bean burrito, no onions. You got off to about the same start the Patriots did in Super Bowl 51. Topical. Fun and topical. Right in the wheelhouse.

But then you came back. You came roaring back, much like the Patriots in Super Bowl 51, with a beefy, crunchy Frito burrito, the Volcano taco, which, you know, whatever. The Buffalo chicken loaded gorilla, and then you capped it off with a chili cheese bur whatever. The Buffalo Chicken Loaded Griller. And then you capped it off with a Chili Cheese Burrito. A lot of burritos in there. A lot of burritos. Ian Carmel from Beaverton, Oregon, went with the Crunchwrap Supreme.

Sure. True story. Cheese Quesadilla. Oh, yeah. The Volcano Quesadilla. The Volcano Quesadilla. The shaky XXL Beef Grilled Stuff Burrito Pick. Even though I'm going to eat one tonight. It's not shaky.

I know it's not shaky, but I felt there was a tonal change in the room. You got to say your last pick quick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The naked chicken chalupa. Okay. What was the change? There was a tonal. The energy in the room changed during that pick.

When we were all shucking. We all thought. I think it was like, I don't know what happened. We just all thought it was this endless menu. We all got shook. We all thought, I think it was like, I don't know what happened. We just all thought it was this endless menu. We all got shook. I mean, there is. It was shocking. We all went running to the, it was like a bank run back in the day.

We're all like, oh, the bank's out of money. We all showed up. It was like, it's a wonderful lifestyle. That shit was crazy. Yeah. That shit was crazy. I'm looking, as I look at my list, there's a lot of boring shit on here. And I mean, there's a lot of not boring shit, but some of it I'm like, ooh, I can't.

After the bean burrito reaction, I can't. Nobody hit up the apple empanada, man. Yeah, see, I'm not a dessert guy, though, so I wouldn't have. I was just going to pick fire sauce. The Mexican pizza didn't get picked. The Mexican pizza was good. That's on there. But the Crunchwrap Supreme just sundered so hard. Why would you get the Mexican pizza didn't get picked. The Mexican pizza was good. That's on there. But the Crunchwrap Supreme just sundered so hard.

Why would you get the Mexican pizza? I would never. I can't imagine. You want to go back to having a fork? What am I saying? What am I taking? On a date, maybe. You guys remember that grilled stuffed nacho they had back in the day?

Yeah, that was good. That was pretty dope. That was really good. Just like a big nacho, basically. Like, all the good stuff about nachos, but just kind of in one big... Encapsulated. Triangle, crumb trap. I was almost going to take nachos Bel Grande.

Sure. They were on there. There was a time where I would fuck up nachos Bel Grande. Oh, yeah. They were good. Yeah. Listen. We have picks.

There's no wrong picks. No, the draft. That's for goddamn sure. Other than the bean burrito, which was just... It's a classic. It was just an early pick. Sometimes people like to use The bat they grew up with

They don't need a brand new bat They want to hit a home run With the bat they hit their first home run with Yeah, and sometimes they strike out On three pitches And some of us have a wildly diverse Bat lineup Just want bats from all continents

And that's fine I don't like onions on my bats Some people do Puerto Rican Haitian bat collection. I just want bats from all continents. And that's fine. They're more than welcome. I don't like onions on my bats. Some people do. Puerto Rican Haitian. Is your name Fife Dog from the Zulu Nation? Yeah. Oh, I saw them, dog.

That's crazy. I hugged him. We have to go really quick. I hugged Busta Rhymes. How big is his head? He's a big head. It's a huge. I've always figured. It's now finally in proportion

with the rest of his gigantic body. Yeah, he got fat. He's such a fatty. Which is good for that head. He's so fat. It's good for that head. Apparently someone said he's losing weight, which is a surprise to me. He must have been a lot bigger. He looks like he's ready to pop. He's gonna get, not here, and all due

respect to Busta Rhymes, like he doesn't have a fat face or a fat body or like fat arms or anything like that. He's just massive. Just his belly. Oh, really? It's just like a big, hard belly. I think the Jamaicans hold weight weird. It's right there in the front.

I don't know. You tell us. I have no idea. How many fat Jamaican dudes do you know? Not a lot. No? I don't know one Jamaican. I think out of the zero Jamaicans I know, none of them are fat.

I know screw face from above the law. Numbers don't know. No, I don't know. I think out of the zero Jamaicans I know, none of them are fat. I know screw face from above the law. Numbers don't lie. Thank you for listening to the podcast. Shout out to our sponsor, Mack Weldon. Go there. Yeah. Use promo code ALLFANTASY for 20% off your order. And tune in next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.