All Fantasy Everything - Talking Animals (w/ Solomon Georgio, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

If I could walk with the animals, talk with the animals... really just the talk part, actually. That's what we're focusing on today. The fellers get together with their ol' pal Solomon Giorgi...o to draft "Talking Animals."Episode Guest:Solomon Georgio @solomongeorgio IG: @solomongeorgioSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. From fast food items to slang words we wish were cool again and everything in between. On this episode, we're going to be drafting talking animals with Solomon Giorgio. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get to it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is slowly ramping up the amount of caffeine it consumes again and had a black tea this morning.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Are you? Yeah. Okay. All right. That's why you're naked. Is that like African black soap? Is that similar? It is.
Starting point is 00:01:04 It's the exact same. It's just the suds from that. It's a cup full of those suds. I always thought it was drinkable. It's very drinkable. It's potable. It's dankable. Yeah, it's dark water.
Starting point is 00:01:17 I'm drinking Lord Bergamot. Lord Bergamot. It's the... Shout out to Stephen Smith Teamaker in Portland, Oregon, by the way. Stephen A. Smith. Stephen A. Smith Teamaker. That dude. It's the shout out to Stephen Smith, tea maker in Portland, Oregon, by the way, Stephen, Stephen, he only makes black tea. Let me tell you something about the way black tea was raised.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Lord Bergamot. lord bergamot is it a tea monger if you make tea like i think i think it is a tea monger some of the people who work at steven a smith tea maker in portland or not steven a smith at steven smith tea maker in portland they listened to the podcast and they sent me some tea shout out to you it's fucking delicious tea yeah all my mongers downtown tea mongers fish mongers cheese mongers dude yeah i got i got my blood work back from a doctor they said i was a tea monger high tea hi i got my i got my crip work back and they said i was a tea monger high tea i got my i got my crypt work back and they said i was a folk oh geez oh it's martin luther king day gentlemen yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:02:33 notoriously high tea was there ever an r&b singer named like high t or anything that should have been it's pretty high t i don't i don't know there was tank yeah i was thinking a tank too for some reason was it a t connotation or just a high t i think you might be feeling pretty sexy because that's like grown folks yeah yeah that's like, yeah. Love, pleasure, pain or whatever. That's adult. The kind of sex you're invoking when your name is Tank is a very particular kind of sex. Oh,
Starting point is 00:03:12 yeah. I don't know who Tank is. I'm not familiar. Look, no one's looking at each other while listening to Tank, okay? That's where you are in your love life oh man oh my goodness i'm gonna text you some tank stuff yeah i was gonna say i'm gonna get into it before i go shredding today i'll listen to some tankers see if i do any sexy tricks put it on a boom box while you're skating at the park dude yeah the kids will respect you you got to be 18 to come over here let the children let the children in their fucking early how do the kids dress at the skate parks now uh big pants like the pipe shit is back fully like big pipe pants and then the beanie you back fully, like big pipe pants.
Starting point is 00:04:07 And then the beanie, you made fun of the beanie. I got a beanie on for everybody listening, and Ian asked where I got the B-Rabbit beanie that comes over my ears. You had it pulled way lower than you do right now. Yeah, I had it pulled. Here, I'll show you some. And I had it like, yeah, like B-Rabbit. I had it like that. Then I pulled it up. But they wear beanies high above their ears.
Starting point is 00:04:23 And then that's about it. Hoodies. Oh, yeah. Do they listen to music out loud at the skate parks? The Hessians do. Like, if you go to the right place where there's bowls and shit, the Hessians will be. Like, I heard Alice in Chains the other day. I got so excited.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Hessians? You guys have categories for skaters? What's a Hessian? Yeah, like the gnarly, crusty-looking dudes are called. Gnarly, crusty-looking people are called Hessnarly, crusty looking people are called Hessians. That's what we always called them. We just called them gross when I was a kid. Yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:04:51 Hessians are the fucking gross ones for sure. They're listening to Alice in Chains in 2021. They're disgusting. Yeah, what are you trying to prove? Alice in Chains isn't even listening to Alice in Chains in 2021. Alice in Chains is moved on. They don't send a cold ploy, dude. Fix you.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Lane Staley has been dead longer than he was alive by this point, I think. That's pretty much... Damn, dude. It's still rips, dude. Allison Chains is still... His voice was so dope. Lane Staley, I love it. Scott Weiland, too. Anyway, that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about Tank.
Starting point is 00:05:23 We're here to draft allison james we're recording on martin luther king jr day it's time to reflect on the and works of lane staley and scott wyland shawn us jordan is here sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. What the hell, dude? What the fuck? I was excited to tell you guys about this. I've been cleaning.
Starting point is 00:05:51 I've been going through my old stuff, cleaning stuff out. And I found a bar of soap. My mom gets me, you know, like being boozled and shit like that. She gets me weird shit. Yeah. And I found a bar of soap that she got that either has, it's got a $1 bill, a $5 bill, a 10, a 20 or a 50 in it. You have to use the soap to get the money inside.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Whoa. Damn. I've been using hella soap in the shower. Talk about a wash your ass present. Yeah, dude. Seriously. I was seriously washing my ass in the shower. It's been dope.
Starting point is 00:06:21 I'll keep you posted. What if that bill comes out when you're washing your ass yeah it's in a little bag dude it's in a little baggie like you would put yeah like you would put drugs if you were say putting them in your ass it's comes out because i've had one of these bars before i just didn't know i still had another i would be so upset if anybody did that to me yeah because you know it's not good soap no no it smells like a lime like a lime it's got money in it money's so dirty yeah also depending on the life or the time of my life that you gave that to me i would have to hack that bar oh yeah crack it open for sure oh yeah
Starting point is 00:06:59 i would still crack it open i'm the ashy aren't worth 50 bucks. I'd rather just cut through the soap. I mean, speak for yourself, Mr. Television Writer. I'm happy to say right now, I have don't crack the soap open money. I'm doing alright. That's good.
Starting point is 00:07:20 How's the pushing 40s pushing 40s gang? Good, man. My boy Charlie's been doing a kickflip every day uh and he's gonna stay on it he he's one of the pushing 40s pushing boardies dudes he like almost slid off the road in his work truck the other night like one of those big like trailer trucks and he got the tow truck come in time he was in like mcminnville and tow him home and he still went out and did a kickflip before midnight. Damn, dude. Very sick. Very motivating. Is it hard to do a kickflip every day?
Starting point is 00:07:48 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, kickflips are hard. All right. Yeah. Ask and answer. I'm sorry. I apologize.
Starting point is 00:07:54 It was a little bit of a tone. Put your fucking brass knuckles away, bro. Yeah. It's hard to do a kickflip. It's just that I do a kickflip maybe once an hour. 10,000 kickflips a day, dude. Yeah. Well, that's how you slimming down
Starting point is 00:08:05 9,000, 2,500, 600 Kickflips Looking forward to this That's what I do, I look forward to hanging out with you folks Absolute David Borey is here Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram The G is silent on Twitter How are you buddy? with you folks absolute absolute they want absolutely david bory is here cool guy joe 27 on instagram the g is silent on twitter how are you buddy i'm good i couldn't go fishing
Starting point is 00:08:30 yesterday because i did that outdoor stand-up show or whatever that's right did you throw your phone in some water anyways at the stand-up show i made two guys hold hands so that was cool nice just classic bory stand- up tricks Eat it Joe Biden And then I just yelled about how This is the only time this is gonna happen We're all here Be alive They both get COVID
Starting point is 00:08:55 Yeah That's how a new strain was born The two of them holding hands with their individual COVID Well we got a sick picture of it so that's what's important now how was the show what was it like doing what was it like doing stand-up how did you feel doing stand-up what was the last yes i was so scared all day my friend brent booked me and i thought it wasn't gonna happen so i was like yeah sure i'll go do your stand-up show whack whack and then sunday came up fucking fast and all day i was so nervous i wrote my set list down because i was headlining did you do anything new or did what was it was scary i did
Starting point is 00:09:37 like probably 70 new shit wow that's fine because like well because it's like the old shit you feel so far away from when you wrote it right yeah like we well, cause it's like the old shit you feel so far away from when you wrote it. Right. Yeah. Like all the stuff I wrote. No, it's been, the world's been insane for a year.
Starting point is 00:09:50 All the stuff I wrote before the pandemic didn't seem to like fit, you know, but you know, yeah, it was, it felt good. It's good to remember that you're like, that's a skill that you have.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Yeah. It's nice to make dudes hold hands. Yeah, sure. And it's nice for people to be like, Oh man, I really enjoyed that. I had a fun night and it's like, make dudes hold hands yeah sure and it's nice for people to be like oh man i really enjoyed that i had a fun night and it's like oh i brought you because this we do but i can't tell if this brightens your day but like stand up you get to like shut the fuck up david i'm sorry if i upset you i didn't mean to upset you but go ahead you know it darkens people's days if you're
Starting point is 00:10:21 listening out there i hope this fucking podcast ruins your day i hope it darkens people's days. If you're listening out there, I hope this fucking podcast ruins your day. I hope it ruins your marriage. Wow. I don't mean that. That was the Camelot. I hope your son hates you by the end of this podcast. Yeah. Dark boys.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Oh, you're saying that to me and Solomon on MLK Day? Oh my god wow yeah yikes i can't even go outside was that you were the beanie talking my god well now my heart's beating too fast to keep going oh now your problems are the problems we should care about the most on mlk day i gotta worry about your heart beating too fast. Sean's listening. Sean's recording in the back of a Greyhound
Starting point is 00:11:08 speeding to the Capitol right now, by the way. You can't get a fucking hotel room. Which Capitol? It doesn't took her. A Capitol, bro. As many as I can get to. Just make sure it's got an O in it.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Capital 8, dude. Capital 8. Capital 8. That capital. Going to Capital Records and I'm going to shoot Clive Davis. That's what I'm doing. Buy a Steve Winwood album at Capital Records, bro. That's what's up. God fearing. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Forthright. That's what I've been up to. Beautiful. Keeping the fishies safe. what I've been up to. Beautiful. Beautiful. Keeping the fishies safe, doing a little bit of stand-up. Solomon Giorgio is here. Hi! At Solomon Giorgio on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Perhaps looking more gorgeous than ever, perhaps. Oh, this is the filter on the Zoom. Don't worry about it. You have filters on here? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's just, yeah, I've... God damn it.
Starting point is 00:12:01 I look like I got kidnapped. How do you do the filters now? You can do... If you go to your square and click the three buttons and they should... I'm sorry, the video thing. The video where it says stop video, the little up button.
Starting point is 00:12:18 There's video settings. And it says touch up my appearance. And you can actually mess with the levels on it. I touched up my appearance and you can actually mess with the levels on it I touched up my appearance did anything change? hold on I think you gotta clean your camera dude
Starting point is 00:12:33 it sort of just blurs you a little bit yeah softens the edges softens the edges I don't think that's what it is I have great lighting I'm a model you have amazing lighting I'm a model and you know what it's amazing lighting yeah i've never taken a bad photograph in my entire life so this is sort of everything i'm working
Starting point is 00:12:51 with working together you can't smile when this plane's passing overhead because it might blind the pilots they'll crash into a mountain these are all these are all risks we face uh solo and georgio right most of i think all of our listeners know you already. I have to tell you, I think I've told you over text several times, High Fidelity was one of my favorite shows of the year, man. I fucking loved it. Thank you. It was so good. It's my favorite movie of all time, so I was very nervous about the show.
Starting point is 00:13:18 And I think we even talked about that a little bit. I was real nervous that the show wasn't going to do what it should. It did exactly, exactly what it was supposed to do. That's the thing. That's why I'm brought on to do things because I'm usually the best at it. No, man. It was serious. It was fantastic.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Every second of it. It was a blast to write it, too. It was really... When you deal with something like that, you're like, okay, this is scary because everybody else is going to criticize it. But then it's like, or we can just do the best we can. And anyone who criticizes it is going to look like a jackass because the people who love it, love it.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Yeah, exactly. Also, that was the first time there was an episode of television where I was like, I know what that is. I know what that is. I was there. Oh, that was exciting. When I implemented stuff from my own life into it. Yeah, I was like, oh shit, he did it! I'm going to go back and watch that.
Starting point is 00:14:18 That's the best thing about writing for TV is that every once in a while you're like, you know what? I'm going to put this in there for my own life. Le Petit Revenge. It's amazing. Less on the Late Late Show with James Corden. I don't get to do that as much on my writing job.
Starting point is 00:14:37 There's not as much like pulling from my own life for a monologue joke about Joe Biden. Glad you get to do it. One day you'll get it like getting the personal vendettas out is really the fun part of tv i'm saving them up i'm gonna drag both david and sean through the mud on season 19 of superstore you guys are getting fucked up good i'll finally get on fucking tv finally have my name out there.
Starting point is 00:15:08 Ah, yes, Sean. The unpopular name. Fucking drooling. I'm drooling, shit. Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't I'm drooling. Shit. Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't want Solomon to see me like this. What have you been up to, man? How have you been doing, Solomon?
Starting point is 00:15:34 You know, I've just been, it's just been home. Mostly home. Yeah. I've been, I got an espresso machine, so I've been making lattes. Fun. So that's really, that's really been my thing is sort of buying the things that I like off of Instagram and lattes. Fun. So that's really been my thing, is sort of buying the things that I like off of Instagram and using them.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Yeah, yeah. It's almost an assault to say, how have you been, what have you been up to? And I apologize for that. No, no, no, it's perfectly fine, because I think this is the most amount of time of self-reflection I've had, so that's the best time to ask me this question.
Starting point is 00:16:02 Right. Like, literally, how are you doing and i can tell you yeah in detail but i'm doing house plants now man i'm like i'm on that same vibe oh my god house plants i don't yeah see i made sure i was like going into the quarantine i was like you know what i'm gonna keep nothing else alive but myself. And I stuck to that. I got me. So, however selfish I was before, even worse.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Even worse. Really all the way up. Perfect. Is there anything you're working on now that you want to point people towards? Or are you just chilling? Yeah. While I was in this wonderful little
Starting point is 00:16:47 quarantine, I got to write for the next season of Shrill and I'm now currently writing for the next season of Love Life on HBO Max. Oh, amazing. Yeah. Hell yeah. Keep your eye on those. I'm stoked to book those. Shrill filmed in Portland, Oregon. Yes, indeed. Beautiful Portland, Oregon.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Did you meet alice matthias while you were writing on that at all is she still involved in that show no the thing that i'm only in the writer's room so i don't like anybody who works on set like production wise or anything like that i have no idea oh that's right and the writer's room isn't even really a writer's room right or did you go did you guys quarantine and go in somewhere we're in zoom we're zoomed we zoomed the whole time because it was like it was right at the beginning of quarantine when the writer's room started so we're like oh that's right which is like that was great for me because it's in new york and i was much as i love everyone on the show i uh i'm not a new york person yeah i remember last time when you went
Starting point is 00:17:38 to new york for it you were like it's fine like i can be there for whatever time I need to be there, but I don't think I could live in New York. It's just like they put the garbage on the streets. They throw it on the street and it's open until four. I can't be somewhere that's open until four. Also, they don't want me to live in New York.
Starting point is 00:18:00 You don't want that. You feel like now that you're a little more calm, you could maybe... I need full-size grocery stores. Number one. I need full-size everything. I need a grocery store with multiple aisles.
Starting point is 00:18:14 I can't be down to just a bodega. I like getting a sandwich, but I can make my own if I go to a full-size grocery store. You don't want to be in a grocery store that only has hot sauce from 1998. You have to blow it off you know what i mean yeah yeah it's it's a certain motif every time i leave new york i have a cold no matter what time of year every time i go i leave like feeling terrible like i'm being like flown out on a helicopter kind of thing
Starting point is 00:18:40 yeah it's too much for me it's too much city for me it's too much city here's the thing is that i like people in new york then then i do in la in some places like they're like meeting new people in new york is fantastic but like la is a better scene for me to exist in so it's like if the people can switch then hey problem solved i say get get the people over here Move to LA Come out to LA, exactly It's so much nicer It's a fish tank versus the ocean Come swim in the ocean So tight there, you're on top of each other
Starting point is 00:19:16 And I say this as a very Jewish man Although LA is very Jewish as well Wait, you're Jewish 100% bar mitzvah and everything That's right my name that jew's name that that jew's name is ian carmel ian carmel on twitter ian carmel on instagram ian carmel on the jewish new york times app which i have on my phone the jew york times app the jew york times i signed up for the new york times app and like you know you ever get
Starting point is 00:19:44 into one of those like support journalism modes they're good modes to be in but like i signed up for the New York Times app and like you know you ever get into one of those like support journalism modes they're good modes to be in but like I signed up for a year's like plan and like subscribed so I get push notifications on my phone every morning which is a mistake this is not the time to be doing that I read the roundup in the eye because I have the I have the I paid for it too I just read the roundup in the morning and then I go to the articles I want to go to that are linked in the roundup. Those push notifications get mad stressful. I'm so depressed. You can turn them off, right? I should turn
Starting point is 00:20:12 them off because it's 7 a.m. and I read them and then I'm like, oh no. And then I go back to sleep. Right after this podcast is over, we're all turning off the push notifications we don't like. We're going to have a push notifications friend circle. We're going to do a push notifications friend circle. That's good. That's important.
Starting point is 00:20:27 And there's a lot of them. I have so many that I need to get rid of. Uber Eats for some reason. All the fucking time. And I think it's like, you have to do this once a year. You have to do the thing that makes you get rid of all the stuff on your phone you don't like. You're too lazy to do anything. Sprint cleaning.
Starting point is 00:20:43 We're going to fucking do it. We really should do it. Because's just you know as a matter of fact that the people that are listening should be doing it after this podcast i just got one a video appeared to show covet patients in egypt dying when a hospital ran out of oxygen thanks cool let me just go for a walk in the park now you just walk outside like it is a nice day. You're right. Oh, my God. I have nothing going on. I'm still staying away from the studio for the time being, the Stu's Stu's Studio. I will be back in eventually, but Los Angeles is terrifying.
Starting point is 00:21:19 It's scary, and I'm sure the push notifications don't help. But until then, listen to All Fantasy Everything. Now, we are gathered here today not only to talk about terrifying push notification, but also to fantasy draft talking animals from the world of fiction, probably, because there aren't too many of them in real life. Oh, you need to get better drugs, my friend. There's plenty.
Starting point is 00:21:40 I definitely don't need to get better drugs. I don't do any drugs now, but I've done the drugs that would have led to talking animals and none of them did I did enough drugs to do the talking animals and I've not gotten it either oh man I've been a talking animal a lot of times
Starting point is 00:21:56 on drugs we've all been down that road I've been a sweaty pig but I haven't been a talking animal. I've been a dirty dog, but yeah, not a talking animal. Like I've talked to the animals 100%, but they weren't talking back to me. Yeah, I've been full-blown Dr. Doolittle. Every part of it. I've been the Jerry Lewis Dr. Doolittle.
Starting point is 00:22:21 I've been the Eddie Murphy Dr. Doolittle, and they never talked back. Was there a difference in those two Dr. Doolittles or was it the same thing? Was Eddie Murphy just riding Jerry Lewis like train for a while? Jerry Lewis might not have been the original Dr. Doolittle. Let me look it up. Who was the original Nutty Professor? Jerry Lewis was the original Dr. Doolittle. I'm assuming he was.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Nutty Professor, I thought.'m assuming he was nutty nutty professor i thought no he was the he was the nutty professor rex harrison was the original dr doolittle that's my oh and yeah and somebody was recently dr doolittle robert downey jr was the most recent dr doolittle that's right funny another eddie murphy thing uh jerry lewis was also the original metro if you saw that eddie murphy movie i did see that and the original bowfinger a lot of people it doesn't come up a lot i was flubber that he was also the original and and robin williams right yeah right flubber was the absent-minded professor yes yeah yeah and they're like too much for the 90s yeah we're going with flubber condense i've been working on a thing about weight loss like uh keep your eyes peeled for a year or two to
Starting point is 00:23:32 a year or two out but like uh man i was going over like movies and tv shows that like about like fat people from the 90s and shit the naughty professor was brutal it's one of the big 90s jokes it was terrible it was one of the best 90 is like that was david spade on the hollywood roundup on fucking snl that's all he did david made money off of making fat jokes all he did that's all he fucking did i still think about i can see my penis like as like this big ass yeah spandex all spandex all spandex oh the 90s was one long fat joke yeah it was truly a long brutal fat joke fat bastard it was terrible yeah like i don't realize at the time and then you go back you're like holy buckets i think fat bastard fucked as many white kids up as hercules fucked up little black kids. Oh my God. Cause fat bastard knew that he knew as is in character.
Starting point is 00:24:28 He was like, I'm sad because I eat and I'm eat and I eat because I'm sad. And then he farted for like 15 seconds. Well, you said it used to be true. It still gets me. It still gets me. It still gets me today.
Starting point is 00:24:42 It's funny. You can't deny it. I think the only kind thing was heavyweights throughout the entire 90s. That was it. That's all we got. Oh, I forgot about heavyweights. That was the only time. With Ben Stiller playing the same character he played in Dodgeball.
Starting point is 00:24:55 It's the only time fat people got any sort of revenge in the movie. I sure didn't. Clem got revenge. He ended up with Jada Pinkett. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. But also, he was not a fat person in real life. He ended up with Jada Pinkett. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. But I also, he was not a fat person in real life.
Starting point is 00:25:08 He was no, no, he was much like everyone else in that movie. He was Eddie Murphy. A real, that, that kitchen table scene. Can I say though,
Starting point is 00:25:24 I saw that we were in atlanta that summer and i saw uh the muddy professor in atlanta it's just like a movie theater with only black people i don't think i've ever seen anybody kill so hard in anything no like yeah i can imagine and i couldn't breathe like it was like i it was like one of the most amazing things that's ever happened to me i couldn't breathe i couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe either. It was so funny because of childhood obesity-related asthma was the main risk. Also, that grandma, very funny. Mike Douglas used to make me moist.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Mike Douglas. Sometimes when I'm alone alone i relate to myself oh my god oh boy so when you finish writing the nutty professor three just make there isn't a third one already i forgot he's writing it yeah he ends well that's what we're waiting on i'm gonna be a slightly less fat person who puts on a fat suit that's that's why i've been losing the weight i'm gonna get down to 250 i never knew the world was like this.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Seriously, though, you look great, buddy. Oh, thanks, man. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, man. Oh, God. So we're gathering today to draft Talking Animals for the Love of Pete. Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Starting point is 00:27:04 Play between the three of you, and we the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, Solomon wins! Now, Solomon, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that,
Starting point is 00:27:21 I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. It's like those window washers on the giant like on skyscrapers when they're on the scaffolding you know and uh they don't just like wash the windows like that with a rag or anything they have those giant like squeegee things and what they'll do is up there yeah you gotta squeegee on the window first and then you take your squeegee and you go you they go like left to right because you again you don't just want to so they take the squeegee and they go left to right and then they go down a little bit because all the fluid goes down and then they squeegee from right to left that's right and then they go down a little bit and they just kind of
Starting point is 00:28:00 squeegee from left to right down a little bit and then they squeegee from the right to the left. And then, yeah, then the window's clean. Sounds like an R&B song. I feel like there might be more steps. Yeah, those are some tank lyrics, dude. You gotta squeegee from the left to the right. You squeegee to the left. You're squeegee all night.
Starting point is 00:28:24 Squeegee is a verb it sounds very sexual is that squeegee or sweat? that's another popular tank song you should think about casting tank in the nutty professor 3 is he still around? I don't know what it's the first direct to pay per view
Starting point is 00:28:40 in a hotel movie of all time you can only get it at NBC suites best 13 i ever spit in my life oh yeah it's either that or 40 bucks for six hours of porno i remember when they would advertise a porn like that we'd be like this is a four-hour porn and you're like, I don't know about all that. I don't know. Is that so you can like, jay it, leave it on
Starting point is 00:29:10 and then like come back later, jay it again? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was actually like VHS. So I remember we got it at the, whatever the porn place was in Minneapolis, but I got like a four-hour porn and it was supposed to be like, you know, it's new forever because you're not going to watch
Starting point is 00:29:22 the whole thing in one squeege. So anyway, but the whole thing was so bad. See, with quarantine, it's new forever because you're not going to watch the whole thing in one in one squeege. So anyway, the whole thing was so bad. See, with quarantine, I've been I've said every once in a while, I'm like, I just go, I'm going to just watch the whole thing. I just sit down and I'm like, how does it? Can I ask you one thing? Can I ask you? Yeah, I was going to say, are gay porn. Is it the same?
Starting point is 00:29:43 It's the same storylines basically storylines gay porn doesn't even try they're just every once in a while it's like here's a little taste of a storyline we don't fuck around like straight people do okay i get that like everyone's like there are those and it is fun to watch them but it's very it's very much most of them are like uh welcome to the bedroom fucking Fucking, let's do it. Some straight porn has written by and story by credits. They really get into it.
Starting point is 00:30:11 I saw a clip of some gay porn once. It was very athletic. There's a lot of sports clothing and uniforms and all that stuff. That's just what I would think would happen if dudes made porn for dudes. But there's also like
Starting point is 00:30:28 gay porn is like, oh, the straight guy being gay, but then you're like, I don't care about that. Oh, is that the plot line sometimes? I don't even think about that. That's not my fantasy. The storyline is like, this is his first time kind of thing. Like his first time.
Starting point is 00:30:43 The first time with a penis in his butt and he's perfectly fine with it for 30 minutes that's the whole like storyline is bad I don't know if it was really your first time having anal sex you'd be shitting everywhere there is no
Starting point is 00:30:58 you heard it here first y'all timestamp that one. The last half hour of it is him looking at a picture of his dad on his phone. See, now that I can watch. Then you gotta wash your ass. Hey! There it is.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Basically, it's if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, Solomon, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I'll go first. There it is. Martin Luther King Day. David, you'll go second. Beautiful, beautiful. Oh, awesome. Well, since you're Jewish, that's next.
Starting point is 00:31:38 So I'd have to be the farthest away. I knew it. I knew it. The least qualified. I knew it. The least qualified. I knew it. I was a crip. Tread lightly. I know. I did get a little bassy right there.
Starting point is 00:31:59 First of all, watch your tongue. I did get a little bassy. You're right. You're right. I apologize. I was a crip. basey who we remember on this day hot corner perfect so solomon first david second me third sean fourth and solomon we will get to your first pick right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done.
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Starting point is 00:33:49 strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292
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Starting point is 00:36:27 Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously,
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Starting point is 00:39:18 media out there nothing else nope all the content man we got a corner book ended we got it we got a lockdown solomon we are drafting Talking Animals. You have the first pick, and what will that first pick be? I'm going to go with Quintessential Talking Animal, and that'd be Bugs Bunny. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:39:37 I have to go for number one. I think that was right up there with the first choices. Yeah, he's a king. He's fantastic. He's black. He's a king. He's black. He's hysterical. He's black and Jewish, which is crazy. He's a little Irish, too. He's kind of Irish.
Starting point is 00:39:59 Everyone knows. Is Bugs Bunny Irish? No, I'm just trying to be part of the club. Is he black? I could see him wearing like a Star of David Chain. He's always one of those cartoon characters that's always on the list of it's a black character.
Starting point is 00:40:15 Oh, man. It's him and everybody from a goofy movie. It's 100%. How old is Bugs Bunny? Was it like the 40s i think he was like either the somewhere early 40s so he's almost like a little over 80 plus yeah yeah he was created in the late 1930s originally voiced by melvin jerome blank mel blank that's how old that's how long i didn't know Blank was the first one. He was like the man of a thousand voices, right?
Starting point is 00:40:47 Yeah. That's what they called him, the man of a thousand voices, yeah. He did almost everything, and Flintstones included, because I think he moved off to Hanna-Barbera later in life. Right.
Starting point is 00:40:58 McGilligurilla. Mm-hmm. Stop with the other picks. Oh, sorry. I was going to takegilligarilla first fuck that would have been there would have been a golden age at hannah barbara where you like you could have just like if you rhymed a name with a king with an animal absolutely you had a fucking character in there oh yeah i mean they were all alliterative or rhymed. That was a lot of these that we're going to talk about.
Starting point is 00:41:25 You guys remember Quesadilla Chinchilla? Quesadilla Chinchilla? A little more racist, but also a good character. There was Powell Owl, who was an owl who made grills. The people's champ. That's a voice of a generation. the people's champ but yeah he Melbaugh
Starting point is 00:41:47 that's a voice of a generation he had that sneer but I love that drawled out voice he can do every once in a while that means yeah yeah Looney Tunes was fucking impactful
Starting point is 00:42:02 that was the only way I learned about classical music to this day if I hear a classical music song i'm like oh yeah this is bugs bunny like uh putting a carrot in yosemite in like uh elmer fudd's gun and him blowing his face off that's this one from like mary melodies or whatever they were called oh yeah mary melodies that were there those those were all the they're all instrumental right yeah yeah all of the looney tunes kind of became black in the 90s didn't they like like or they were just dressing like crisscross yeah they started they started playing basketball uh yeah i mean i had that shirt guys pics pics but i had the shirt with
Starting point is 00:42:36 bugs and blank on it and uh boy did i wear that thing i had that one too the crisscross one arms crossed boy did i wear that thing it was down to my shins, bro. I wore that thing. You could barely see the turquoise cross colors peeking out the bottom, but you could see. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Man. At the mall.
Starting point is 00:43:02 Oh, yeah, dude. Ducat, farthest to the right that it could go. None of you would have liked me. You would have hated my guts. Oh, yeah, dude. Duke hat, farthest to the right that it could go. None of you would have liked me. You would have hated my guts. I'll tell you that. We were dressing the same, so I think we would have
Starting point is 00:43:11 gotten along fine. I wouldn't have known what to think of you. That was not a look of Beaverton, Oregon. The Duke hat, I would have glommed on to. I would have been like,
Starting point is 00:43:20 oh, yeah, Bobby Hurley. And maybe you would have known. Bobby Hurley. I would have been like, shut up up you fool my face this is a crip hat I'm so glad I was a foot taller than you at that time Bugs Bunny was great I still love Bugs Bunny he is like his
Starting point is 00:43:41 his attitude he was fantastic the way he carried himself you could live a good life carrying yourself like Bugs Bunny yeah His attitude, he was fantastic. The way he carried himself. You could live a good life carrying yourself like Bugs Bunny. Yeah, he was the coolest. All personality. Maybe we could talk about this more a little farther in. Do they ever age cartoons? Are there any cartoons out now where Bugs Bunny is an older, where he's 70? Wouldn't that be kind of fun? I mean, there was Tiny Toon Adventures where they were kids.
Starting point is 00:44:00 Yeah. Yes. But also, Bugs Bunny, one of the earliest drag artists that we knew about uh absolutely absolutely and didn't didn't break character really got into it no he loved it was it wayne's world where like garth admitted to being attracted to bugs when he dressed like a woman yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah which is a very specific thing i'm like you should just be attracted to all the bugs that's a great first pick bugs bunny amazing first pick david time for your first pick it's so hard because i have my heart that i want but then i you gotta have like the big boys you know what i mean, that's a tank lyric as well.
Starting point is 00:44:46 Yeah. You got my heart, but I need the big boys. I've picked him for another thing. He goes right alongside with Roger Rabbit. I'm saying Daffy Duck. Daffy Duck? Yes. Just like my spirit animal.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Zany. Zany. My like my spirit animal. Yeah. Zany. Zany. My man was zany. Staying one step ahead of the hunters. Like, he was just clowning Emerald Fudd. Emerald Fudd was a guy. We can talk about him, right? That was a dude?
Starting point is 00:45:16 Yeah, he was a dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was just like always. Like, Daffy's just. He was so funny, man. Also, complex. Because that's the thing complex bugs bunny was always going to be bugs bunny but daffy based on the characters next to had to
Starting point is 00:45:30 behave a certain way yeah and he was angry about it daffy was he was simmering you know he's either a complete loon or pissed off and i and i relate to that completely he had to deal with bugs bunny's nonchalance you know bugs bunny Bugs Bunny never took anything seriously. So Daffy Duck was like, went too far with things. Yeah. Because it's frustrating if nobody takes it seriously and it's all on your shoulders. So he had to, yeah, there's a lot. It's a very Laurel and Hardy kind of act they had going.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. Also voiced by Mel Blanc, Daffy Duck. One of the thousand voices. What a, just to argue with yourself in different voices yeah it like in the same like i've done a little audio recording and that seems like it would be nuts because you have to like you'd have to do all i mean maybe they did them all at once maybe he did them all at once yeah i would like to do my own voice and another voice and react to
Starting point is 00:46:25 them i'm like i don't i can't do this that would drive me nuts i bet mel blank had to have like a big scotch at the end of the day you know oh yeah no you gotta unwind from that mrs blank knew he had to have a half an hour and a big scotch and then it was her husband. It's just the entire time everyone knows a thousand voices but no one knows the man. Do you think he ever forgot his voice?
Starting point is 00:46:58 He just couldn't find it like he freaked out. He came home stuck on Daffy. He gets a phone call he just method acting his voices all day that's awesome like residents no i'm sorry he's stuck on daffy today it's not a good day for mel you come back tomorrow you're getting back today daffy's not your grandfather mel's your grandfather just remember
Starting point is 00:47:28 what do you mean you haven't gotten the check for the power bill doc yeah Oh, man. I love it. Oh, that was... Yeah, so Daffy Duff. Daffy dressed in drag as well sometimes. They all kind of did. Daffy dressed like Carmen Miranda. Yeah. It was a lot of drag performance.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Oh, I'm just... No, Daffy dressed like Carmen Electra. Common mistake. Daffy, when they got... During World War II, when, like, the Looney Tunes got got into propaganda Daffy was in some of those World War II propaganda ones he hits he hit Hitler in the head with a giant mallet
Starting point is 00:48:12 and Daffy the commando because he does what needs to be done when it's time to do it he outwit Hitler Goebbels and Goering in a one called Plain Daffy see Airplane Daffy that's the one I fell in love with. And he got drafted
Starting point is 00:48:27 in Draftee Daffy. He got dafted, actually. He got dafted. And then the 600th Bombardment Squadron made him their emblem. So they were like people who flew bombers who had a Daffy Duck emblem on their jacket.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Regular Daffy or Drag Daffy? Regular Daffy. But they had a picture of Drag Daffy Duck emblem on their jacket. Regular Daffy or drag Daffy? Regular Daffy. But they had a picture of a drag Daffy hanging up in the cockpit. Remember who you're doing it for, boys? This is what we do it for. Open the Bombay doors. Bombay. Just in case anyone thinks Davidid's not on it by the way david has already sent me a youtube video to tank and the song is called emergency so that's the kind of friends we are thank you
Starting point is 00:49:16 that was early that was early that's actually that had nothing to do with the podcast i just woke up and did that you just does he have a song called No Eye Contact? Or is that just... The emergency was that she made eye contact. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I've never looked at a woman before. This is crazy. I just want to reiterate, Daffy Duck, also very handsome.
Starting point is 00:49:39 People forget about that. I don't know what kind of joke you're taking us in right now. I'm just saying i just i google image search and i'm looking him up and yeah daffy was handsome he had some straight up dermot moroni good looks just some up and down every man good looks also suffering succotash was what a great thing to say what a great thing to say like what does he mean but i still love it i didn't know what succotash was an asshole? But I still love it. Succotash is food, right? Am I an asshole? I think so.
Starting point is 00:50:06 It's food, right? Yeah. Succotash is food. I don't know what kind of food. Doesn't sound like food. I just, it is, right? The phrase is timeless. The food is gross.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Seems like it'd be a slaw. I'm looking up what succotash is. What is succotash? It's an American dish of corn and lima beans cooked together. Yuck. More like yuck-a-t yuck attach huh food in the past was so ghetto what the hell's going on i mean it's like wartime food that's what you know wartime food lima beans seem like a lot of work like apocalypse food post-war food though like
Starting point is 00:50:40 during the baby like baby boom that food was weird too man it was like hot dogs floating in aspic it was gross i made it i made a baby boom meal for some friends on friday night i made meatloaf i made southern style green beans with like the bacon and stuff and then rolls and mashed potatoes wow that's amazing very very 1955 kids i love meatloaf. I love Meat Loaf the food. I love Meat Loaf the singer. We were just talking about it. It's really underrated. Meat Loaf is great. They need to bring back Meat Loaf sandwiches. I was just going to say, if I see a Meat Loaf sandwich on a menu, it gets got.
Starting point is 00:51:16 You throw a hard-boiled egg in that Meat Loaf or you go traditional? I put two eggs and then I put saltines to help bind too. Nice. I mean, did you put a floating hard-boiled egg in it? You ever see that? No, what are you talking about? You can put a floating hard,
Starting point is 00:51:30 so you put a hard-boiled egg in the middle of the meatloaf and then when you cut into it, Oh, yeah. It's like there's a little slice of hard-boiled egg in there. I don't think it's as good, but visually, if you want to wow your dinner guests, I like to put an actual full uncooked egg in there and just get really into it. Just let them know.
Starting point is 00:51:52 My problem is I had the bacon lattice on it, so I couldn't do it. You put a bacon lattice on there? Oh, yeah. I got it in. I got it in. Damn, dude. Yeah. That was impressive.
Starting point is 00:52:01 The green beans were the heroes of the night, though. I'm going to make those a lot. It's so easy. My meatloaf, I'll give you the secret ingredient it's just the one instead of doing ketchup I use sloppy joe sauce oh shit are those different sauces?
Starting point is 00:52:13 I had no idea there's layers of flavor difference between sloppy joe sauce and ketchup my mom made a lot of stuff at home she never made sloppy joes at home i always thought it was school food yeah we had sloppy joes every halloween it is school food it is school food it is school food for sure we had it every halloween which is risky to eat while you wear your costume but we did it anyway yeah sloppy joes are good but every time they i'm done
Starting point is 00:52:42 with a sloppy joe i'm like oh that was they named it right because the other names for him there's like manwich but what is the east coast what do they call it i think the thing is on the east coast in new jersey sloppy joes are like a turkey sandwich i think that's the disambiguation there wait they call it another name like a grumpy or something though or am i it's something there's something else poop yeah that's not what bubba spark says it is what he said That's not what Bubba Sparks says. It is what he said. That's exactly what he said. I thought he said he called his girls
Starting point is 00:53:10 Bettys and his shitties grumpies. He shits grumpies. I always thought he was talking about his like, I'm going to sound crass here, but I thought he was talking about his side piece calling that girl a shitty and that was a grumpy. You know, I'm going to see if he's on Cameo and he was talking about his side piece, calling that girl a shitty, and that was a grumpy. I'm going to see if he's on Cameo and ask him
Starting point is 00:53:28 to send me a video to answer that question. Oh my god, I hope he is. You want me to fucking pass out? If Bubba Sparks explained it to me? Oh my gosh. I bet this is the podcast where Bubba Sparks comes up the most. I bet that. I bet it is.
Starting point is 00:53:43 I'd love to meet the other podcast it would challenge that information yeah it's actually it's surprisingly enough it's us in the read which is weird a lot of people wouldn't think that i've always written for bud bubba sparks i think he had a lot more to say i throw that i throw uh he was a good rap first two albums on every now and then i'll listen to baba sparks oh man yeah i'm here for two days and came with something that truly matters yeah that guy's great that's me talking you know yeah he said booty chatter what else do you want let's be honest none of us will ever date a model i heard that line and i was like 12 like yeah man thank you i am i just I just checked Cameo.
Starting point is 00:54:25 I see his profile. And it doesn't look like I could purchase anything right now. But I did click on notify me when available. Okay. I don't think Cameo is going to let me on. I don't think they're going to let me do it. I tried. Yeah, they haven't got back to me.
Starting point is 00:54:39 It's been like a week. Wow. I stay doing Cameos. When you drive down, you can do a bunch of these Cameos. And we'll just cut, we'll just cut up the profits, dude. Tight.
Starting point is 00:54:49 Good cameo. Melissa. Melissa Etheridge is on cameo. So is Paul Abdul for a way. I might buy my mom a Paul Abdul. I'm going to get, well, my fuck,
Starting point is 00:55:00 my mom listens. So now I have to give, I'm going to give it to her. I have to do it today. Ernie Hudson. She's never seen one. That's a good one. I've been calling her Sue Carmel.
Starting point is 00:55:18 My mom doesn't know what Cameo is, I bet. So she would still, I could convince her that like, I know the saxophone player from the Lost Boys and send her that video. Oh, you should get her one. Be like, out we got coffee again me and daryl or whatever his name is he's saying what's up why is trey song so much more expensive than jerry springer sorry i gotta get off cameo tank was actually a private investor so he he's on there in a big way Tank's on there and he's in there
Starting point is 00:55:46 he's both word up back to Daffy Duck so so Daff so so Daff my first pick he's more of a recent talking animal he was a talking animal in the books and then he was recently brought to life in cinema i gotta take paddington the bear
Starting point is 00:56:12 i knew you were you've been riding for paddington for a few months now it's been it's been a paddington year for me it's been a year of terror uh calls for for as many comforts as possible and i just find paddington the bear to be one of the more comforting animals just one of the more comforting things in the world he's sweet he he tries to see the best in everyone in everyone he interacts with uh he he takes i mean he he's a one-man prison reform for one i haven't seen two yet first it's crazy but i still haven't seen it so you need to watch you gotta watch it this isn't really a spoiler well it is a little bit of a
Starting point is 00:56:52 spoiler a little bit just don't it's not gonna ruin the movie at all he goes to prison and just like teach like by showing that if you treat prisoners as people and give them something to believe in and like a sense of pride it turns everything around you know so he's a one man one bear he's a one bear prison reform thoughtful give gives gifts remembers things about people in his neighborhood loves marmalade sandwiches i can relate to that boy he loves marmalade sandwiches i'll tell you that well he's peruvian which is not bolivia. No way. Was he always Peruvian or was that a thing that was added
Starting point is 00:57:30 because of the movies? I think he was always Peruvian. One of the parts that tells you that this was a book from England from earlier in the century or the last century, they say he's from darkest Peru, which feels like a very
Starting point is 00:57:45 british thing yes that's a that's a way to put it yeah jesus that's buck they mean he's from the peruvian jungle he's a bear from the peruvian jungle but because they're british they say darkest peru and then they get like defensive if you bring up how that seems questionable it's absurd it's like um what do you mean what do you mean what do i mean it's dark there because of the trees that's what we mean because you know just the rainforest just a dark place because the trees don't die oh come on it's because of the trees which is wild because there's no trees in england and it's darker than yeah it's darker than anywhere there's no trees in england is another tank song man he
Starting point is 00:58:30 got out there on his fourth studio album yeah but that's about that's about weed that's he didn't like that they love hash he went to brixton and then he flew right back that was a one-stop tour but like like Solomon said, Paddington well-dressed. Looks beautiful. Looks beautiful. It's him and the polo, Ralph Lauren polo bear. And those are the two best well-dressed bears in my opinion. Also, did you know bitter enemies,
Starting point is 00:58:56 rivals. Well, of course they are, dude. There's not a giant market for that. So yeah, you gotta take what you can get. The two of them were at Soho House on the same night once and I was there too. And it was like, fuck it. It was tense, dude. It was wild. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:59:09 TMZ shut down that night. Yeah, Tumblr's got thrown, dude. It was crazy there. You know, they're both Tara Reads X, so that's what happens. oh my god i love it i love it so much The corner just dark Paddington dude. He's walking with Paddington.
Starting point is 00:59:58 He's over there holding a half full bottle of Hennessy like easy and straight out of Compton like we can do it. It needs to get done. It can get done. Sean Jordan, time for your first and second Talking Animals. I'm going to have the hot corner in a minute. First pick is Mufasa. That's a great one.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Say it again. Mufasa. Say it again. Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa. Mufasa. Yeah, man. Mufasa. Say it again. Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa. Yeah, man. Mufasa's out here. Very regal. Setting a good example. Just an all-around good
Starting point is 01:00:33 person. That's what I'm shooting for. Didn't really do much. We didn't talk to him too much. You know, that's his main problem is that he doesn't watch his back. Yeah. His only fault. He trusted his brother. was his brother his brother was voiced by jeremy irons that should have been a dead giveaway dead giveaway his brother was named scar
Starting point is 01:00:57 and they called everyone else is like mufasa and nala and simba they have these beautiful names and then fucking scar of course he's gonna be bitter by the way he's gonna he's gonna get revenge that is a name that says i'm getting revenge yeah he probably had a real name he wasn't born scar oh no that was a nickname because Skur. Because he had the giant scar, you see. They call him Tufasa because he was the younger one. Tufasa and Bufasa. I knew his brothers
Starting point is 01:01:34 named Dovon and Jovon, so it was the same kind of thing. Bufasa is such a difference. Or what if they actually did name him Skar and they were like, why did you call him that? And they're like, wait for it. He's rambunctious. Because he loves that razor. We can't tell our babies apart.
Starting point is 01:01:51 I got an idea. Damn, that's a dark, that's a dark interpretation. That is. That's not an idea. But also, quick question about Mufasa
Starting point is 01:02:03 that I think is a question to ask. And that I think is a question to ask, and that's he also Nala's dad. You think Mufasa gets around because he's the dude? There's no other male in that pride. No, there's not. That's a good point,
Starting point is 01:02:17 except for Simba. So then the whole Simba-Nala situation. Whoa. That's some Shakespearean level. What if Scar was Nala's dad? That's not the case. I feel like we would have heard about that.
Starting point is 01:02:32 You don't think Nala's mom got a little tore up one night and went to the elephant graveyard looking for it? Her name would have been Pockmark or something like that. Her name wouldn't have been. Look, I think Scar is an outcast because he was not familiar with women. I think that's why he's out in the... Ah, yeah. The old Disney. I kind of thought that as well.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Yeah. He had a little flair, a little drama. Yeah. He was hanging out with Whoopi Goldberg. He's like hanging out with all the other outcasts. He loved to sing. Mufasa didn't sing ever.
Starting point is 01:03:14 Scar stayed singing. Be Prepared is a drag queen number. A whole number of shadows and lights. Mufasa Disney was really up to that shit Yeah All the villains were gay They're all just like
Starting point is 01:03:32 Oh you don't like me? Well then I'm going to the woods Then I'll be in the shadows where nobody can see Jafar and his perfectly manicured facial hair Yeah Jafar was a Puerto Rican dude. A lot of people don't talk about that. Growing up in Portland, I knew a lot of Ursula the Sea Witches. I was taught drama by an Ursula the Sea Witch at Portland State University.
Starting point is 01:04:07 I mean, she's an animal, right? Nah, she's a sea witch, dude. Yeah, she's a sea witch. She could top you off like a lady. Yeah. Oh, man. Mufasa, your second pick, Sean. I have such a long time before I get to go again that I just got to take this because I don't want anyone else
Starting point is 01:04:23 to get it, but I'm going gonna pick Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles. Fuck, man! Shit! That was a good one. I didn't want anyone else to get in the universe, but yeah, I just figured, yeah, he's my guy. I can nunchuck. I can skateboard. I like pizza. Pizza. Yeah. Yeah, true.
Starting point is 01:04:40 You are a Michelangelo. I am the closest to it that most of my friends know for damn sure can we open discussion to all Ninja Turtles now? I think I don't know I'm not going to pick another turtle I was going to take Michelangelo I had him on the list
Starting point is 01:04:55 but growing up my favorite was Raphael and I am more of a Raphael I'm also I have to agree Raphael was my number one didn't want to do what he was told which is already there and kind of kind of sarcastic yes cool ass weapon michelangelo was real like chill and good vibey he was the one who was always like come on can we just like isn't it cool i like donatello he was purple and he laid in the cut he He was a scientist too. Yeah, he just had a big stick.
Starting point is 01:05:26 I just love the color red. It's a good color. That was my thing too. Red was my favorite color. So I picked Raphael. Not mine, but that's who they're going to pick. You're wearing red right now. Oh, I see, I see, I see.
Starting point is 01:05:39 I was a cripple. I mean, I liked them all. I don't really think I had a favorite until i started taekwondo and then i got into the nunchucks and i was like well clearly i have to pick because that was like when we were picking the weapon you were gonna like learn that was kind of what it was for all the kids that i was with it's like which ninja turtle i don't know which one do you want to be like because that's what's going on right now so really see that's why i didn't know which one do you want to be like, because that's what's going on right now. Really? See, that's why I didn't know you majored in nunchuck in Taekwondo. I didn't know you picked that.
Starting point is 01:06:10 I thought it just came to you. Yeah, you picked. We didn't have access to, like, heavy size, so nobody really wanted to pick the size, because the ones we had were real weak and, like, plastic. But we had, like, I think it's called a shinae sword, which is like the bamboo katana. And then we had bo staffs and nunchucks.
Starting point is 01:06:25 And I was like, well, nunchucks look the dopest. And they're, I don't know. See, for me, I picked something else because nunchucks can hurt you. And that's where I... Also, I like the bo staff because that's just, I could pick one of those up in an alley. It's so cumbersome, though. It's like, where are you going to bring that with you? Where are you going to, you can't, you know, nunchucks, you can take them out.
Starting point is 01:06:43 You just find a broom handle somewhere and become a bo staff. That's what I exactly that's a scene coming to america i don't think it works just like that but that's also the best part of every movie is when they break off a broomstick and use it as a yeah when they did that in little women when they did that in little women that's when i was like this is the best picture dude you just gotta see the director's cut of me making nunchucks in casino where i'm just like, hold on. Hold on. Stay right there. Stay the fuck where you're at.
Starting point is 01:07:08 What do you even do? Tie two cucumbers together if you're in a restaurant and the fight breaks out? You got to weld. It's a whole thing. But you just stay the fuck where you're at. And in like a couple hours, as soon as the metal dries, I'm going to come over there with my nunchucks. You got to hope there's a string of sausages or a rotary telephone. I only fight in delis.
Starting point is 01:07:27 A shoelace and two butter knives, bro. I'm out here. I don't know how well that would work. Michelangelo, though. I just had to get a Ninja Turtle. You're a fucking Michelangelo. Have you ever dressed like Michelangelo for Halloween? Twice. Just this last year,
Starting point is 01:07:43 I dressed like him for real. Five years ago and then this last year laura and i took on unknowingly took almost the exact same photo of each other because we were just we were dressed exactly the same as we were it was at uh whatever wedding we were at they had the after the the whatever the gen allen yeah when we were at funhouse i I was dressed like Michelangelo that night. And then just this last year. He was orange, right? Yeah, he was orange. And I had an orange bandizzle that I cut the eyes out of.
Starting point is 01:08:11 A bandizzle? I looked pretty dang. I was like, I'm not going to lie. I was out there straight up dressing like Michelangelo. McGeezy. Oh, man. I gotta go. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:33 Oh, Ian's taking off. I gotta get out of here. Alright, what do you got, Cartwheel? With my second pick, I gotta take a talking animal known for leadership, compassion, a lover,
Starting point is 01:08:50 not a fighter. Bill Belichick? It's Bill Belichick. A lover, not a fighter. Someone who understands what it's like being green. I got to take Kermit the Frog. Fantastic. Can you do it, Kermit? I have trouble doing it. Kermit the do a kermit i can't i have trouble doing it kind of kermit
Starting point is 01:09:06 the frog hi ho kermit the frog here this is kermit the frog okay that was that was good that was a really good one let's try not to say any other pics while we're in this universe huh just someday we'll find it the rainbow connection a. That was good. That was really good. That was good. Oh, man. I just love, I love the Muppet movies, dude. You know who we can say who ironically isn't pickable is Animal, who you couldn't take. No. Even though his name is Animal.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Yeah. But he also, no one understands what he's saying, so can you consider that talking? Yeah. I don't think so. He just yells, he just yells Animal. And he's a drum slave. That's my talking? Yeah, I don't think so. He just yells. He just yells animal. And he's a drum slave. That's my thing.
Starting point is 01:09:49 That's what I love about them up at some of them. You're like, how, what animal are you like? Scooter? What are you? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:54 You're like, I think you were just a creation one night. What about like Beakman? I don't know. I think those are supposed to be guys. I think they're supposed to be just normal. Like they're, like there's, Janet, Janice, Janice. Yeah. I think they just supposed to be guys. I think they're supposed to be just normal. Like they're Janice.
Starting point is 01:10:07 Janice. They wanted you to know the references, Janice. She is and she's Janice Joplin, right? Basically, yeah. She's got like Oh, she's like really yippy dippy. I never put that together. I never put that together at all. That's pretty tight.
Starting point is 01:10:24 That's hilarious. They were just like every character was either I never put that together at all. That's pretty tight. That's hilarious. Yeah. It's fun. They were just like, every character was either named after someone they did drugs with or while they were doing drugs. It was like how every... They were either so high they were like, what if it's a talking frog? Or what if it's this person I'm getting really high with?
Starting point is 01:10:40 Or my friend Scott. We call him Animal. RIP to Scott, Animal Dawkins. Or my friend Janice we call my friend scott r.i.p to scott animal docking or my friend janice who just came back from acapulco with some like hash strap to her leg yeah kermit the frog i just fucking love him i just watched uh muppet christmas carol over the holidays he's fantastic in that he's great in all the in all the muppet movies i just love him man he's iconic He's approachable Him and Bugs are like the most
Starting point is 01:11:08 Iconic I think talking animal When I was thinking about all this I think they're the first I think there's a more iconic talking animal Who none of us have taken but I think he's probably Kind of a sucker in my opinion But also One of the greatest memes of all time Is Kermit the Frog sipping tea
Starting point is 01:11:24 That is That one did get big But also, one of the greatest memes of all time is Kermit the Frog sipping tea. That is... Sipping tea. That one did get big. Yeah. Yeah. It's still going around. I say that for the old man. None of my business.
Starting point is 01:11:33 That was a big meme. In the early days of the internet. That one blew up. Back when we had steam power, internet connection. You had to prime the modem it was called blue light and we got it from kmart in my day we had uh aol cds that gave us free hours you would you would print out you would print it out and then you would you would take it and you would sit it down and you would show it to your family and you'd say, have you seen this Lara Craft character? She's got gigantic breasts. They're huge.
Starting point is 01:12:18 What do you even do with it? I'm supposed to expect that she goes into caves with those breasts? Do they get caught on a stalactite or a stalagmite and she dies? Sounded like an Adam Sandler character. It was pretty, that was dope. Oh, man. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 01:12:32 Kermit the Frog. Kermit the Frog. Second pick. David Borey, time for you a second pick. My second pick is, this one is more from the heart. It's not going to be as big, but I don't care. Yeah. You hear me, AF female Kuiper?
Starting point is 01:12:43 I don't give a shit. He hears you. He's in our heads. He's in our heads. He's nothing but ears,'t care. You hear me, AF female Kuiper? I don't give a shit. He's in our heads. He's nothing but ears, that guy. No, I'm taking Dodger from Oliver and Company. Damn. He was the coolest. He wore Ray-Bans.
Starting point is 01:12:58 He had that song about not giving a fuck. Do you remember that? What should I worry? He had street savoir- it was he was i've never heard of i've never heard of any of this i don't know what you're talking about you're a fucking idiot sorry bro geez you ever seen oliver and company no what am i lying do you guys know i've never all the company is kind of a it's a pre it's a pre uh 90s p yeah it's like a really disney movie it was like right before oh is it is it like is it real are they really it's a cartoon it's an animated one
Starting point is 01:13:31 but it's like billy joel is one of the uh voices in the soundtrack yeah it's yeah it's uh it's oliver twist no but with the artful dodger oh that sounds dope you never heard the song once upon a time in new york city no but i believe billy joel sang it but no i haven't the soundtrack to that movie the dog just steals these sausages and then rips this song about how he doesn't give a fuck about anything yeah dude see i think what happened is oliver came out and then all dogs go to heaven came out not too far afterwards and everyone just forgot about Oliver. I definitely remember that. I think All Dogs Go to Heaven
Starting point is 01:14:10 is the inferior movie and I'll stand behind that forever and ever. Especially since the title is a lie. I know some dogs that aren't going to heaven I'll tell you that for sure. Most dogs where my dogs at? Hell I don't know a lot of dogs that are going to heaven Dodger was voiced by billy joel and he was cool as fuck dude yeah from the bowery to
Starting point is 01:14:33 saint mark's he's got street sample up there yeah i remember all the words tom deluise is in this movie it's's fucking fucking Cheech Marin is in that movie. He says, yeah, he says, it's hard to see anything when you're getting barbecued, man. That movie is incredible. That movie is incredible. And Dodger was the coolest. He was a dog that wore sunglasses and a bandana. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:58 Explain that. Yeah. Tell me how that's not great. No, it sounds dope. You and the queen should watch it. Yeah. You guys should watch it yeah i you guys should watch it there's another i'll tell you at the end but there's another thing i have to watch that could potentially be a pick that i've never seen which he just like almost like stopped everything
Starting point is 01:15:15 and put it on immediately i'll tell you wow if you have disney plus you should go watch all of her company immediately okay i will so yeah dodger Dodger from Oliver and Company. That's my favorite. That's a great pick. Solomon, time for your second and third picks. Look, if we're going to go from the heart, then I'm going to go and choose a pop idol, a moment in time. No one can come close to this guy.
Starting point is 01:15:38 It's Powerline from A Goofy Movie. Oh, shit. Voiced by Tevin Campbell. Powerline is coming. Tevin Campbellvin campbell voice yes he said eye to eye are you are you fucking kidding me sean we've been friends for five oh it really hurts my feelings that you didn't know that i think we've talked about this before fucked up i think we've talked about it before on here it is fucked up. Yeah, man. It is fucked up. Myself in the ocean. It's a great song.
Starting point is 01:16:08 It's very, it's straightforward R&B pop and it is. Yeah, man. It has the least amount of screen time but yet stole the whole movie.
Starting point is 01:16:17 Makes the most out of it though. Yes. But it comes in and heats up and then leaves. He's the microwave. He's the opposite of tank. If we look into
Starting point is 01:16:25 each other's eyes we're never too far apart. Oh, man. The first time he sang that, Tank probably stopped whatever he was doing. He's like, something's wrong. He didn't understand. Tank threw down the disc when he was listening to it.
Starting point is 01:16:41 Also, the design was like years after MC Hammer was done with but yet it's still like every like I like it's like he's wearing the hammer pants and the flat top still still cool it was still cool yeah it was no power line man
Starting point is 01:16:57 that's a great pic man he was so fucking great shit that movie rocked my shit I haven't seen a goofy movie in like a long time like not not since it came out i think go back go back all i remember is that was the leaning tower of chisa oh yeah probably sure yeah i gotta go back i gotta go back it was weird like speaking of characters being black it was was interesting. Goofy, up until that point, was probably the least black Disney character.
Starting point is 01:17:28 No, I thought he was black on Goof Troop. Yeah. You think? Oh, before Goof. But he was like, gorsh. No, he talked like Gomer Pyle. But do you remember the song from Goof Troop? That was very black.
Starting point is 01:17:40 No, I don't. Maybe. Best us live forever. Now we're calling everyone. Come along and join the fun. And then. Shibbity bop, bopity bop. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:51 Well, yeah. Goof Troop sort of settled him being a black father. It was Goof Troop is when it happened. Yeah. That's when I started thinking he was black. Yeah. Okay. We went down a Disney theme song rabbit hole the other day.
Starting point is 01:18:02 They were fucking hitting it back then. Oh, God. Yeah. Dude. God. On fire., God. Did you guys hit Tailspin? Yes. Oh, yeah. Tailspin was cool. I think Darkwing Duck will always be right up there.
Starting point is 01:18:17 Oh, Darkwing Duck. Let's get dangerous. I remember the premiere of that show. I remember watching that being like, this is dope. Like the actual first episode. He was remember watching that being like, this is dope. Like the actual first episode. He was also black, right? Oh, hands down.
Starting point is 01:18:29 It was all purple. Yeah. No one wears that outfit. Yeah. The duck was white, but the soul was black. Oh, yeah. It's like a John B situation. I understand.
Starting point is 01:18:44 it's like a it's like a john b situation i understand fucking chip and dale too that one goes that was yeah when there's danger yeah so those bands went so hard how did none of those bands also have they should have had like another hit. Like if the song Chippendale, you just changed the lyrics and it's about like dating a woman who wears blazers with shoulder pads. Like that would have hit the nineties. Or just like a,
Starting point is 01:19:14 like a, like her fragrance or like, yeah. You know what I mean? I can't think of it right now. You know what I mean? But, but,
Starting point is 01:19:22 but blue clan trout. Blue clan trout. You know what I mean? But, but, but, Blue Claw and Trout. Blue Claw and Trout. This is the writer's room. We're pitching stuff. Oh, my God. You don't really have to change any of the other lyrics, man. You don't have to. Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, have to blue blue blue blue can't pray when there's danger oh man oh man and i oh power line excellent pick time for your uh time for your third pick so that's gonna be an easy this is the counterpart to uh kermit the frog and that would be miss piggy yeah yeah as soon as you
Starting point is 01:20:06 said yeah as soon as you said kermit somebody had to take her yeah she's so funny dude she was so funny and just just beating up dudes all the every you know when a shitty guy shows up in a movie you're gonna like you're getting your ass kicked by miss piggy yeah yeah she's gonna karate by Miss Piggy. Yeah. Yeah. She's going to karate chop some people. Jack's got the best Miss Piggy. It's so good. Jack's got a good Miss Piggy. Oh, Kermie. Oh, Kermie. Where is she?
Starting point is 01:20:36 Where is she from? Miss Piggy. Who knows? She's a model. She's, she's, she's a book and busy. She's a fashion designer. She's an artist. She's like, she's, she's a book and busy. She's a fashion designer.
Starting point is 01:20:45 She's an artist. She's like, she's, she literally is Barbie, but as a pig and it is, I think she's from Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza.
Starting point is 01:20:53 I feel like she comes from money. I feel like Miss Piggy comes from money. Really? I always thought she was from Queens and she got it out the mud. See, here's the thing. Oh really? I think I just,
Starting point is 01:21:01 I just thought that though. I don't know why I think that. I feel like Miss Piggy is a kind of character that grew up rich and is also self-made. Like, that's the kind of... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a heavyset woman who's a pig thriving as a model
Starting point is 01:21:16 in the fashion industry. Breaking barriers. Even if she came up rich in Connecticut with several other rich pigs, she still had to claw claw way to the top. That's my personal backstory for her. That is the rich pigs part. It doesn't
Starting point is 01:21:31 matter if it's animated or not. It sounds so funny to me. It's tough calling someone a pig. It's like, that'll really get me going. Zach used to be like, I'd bring Taco Bell and he's like, eat your food, you pig. I'd be like, I'm fucking mad at you, dude.
Starting point is 01:21:48 That's why to this day, I've never been a Charlotte's Web fan. So that bitch just wrote some pig on a web and everyone's like, this is a compliment. Some pig. Yeah, that's a fucking brutal. If I woke up with that spider webbed over my bed, I'd have to fucking go to therapy immediately.
Starting point is 01:22:05 There's written in lipstick on your mirror and you're like, well, all right, I got to move out now. I got Charlotte's web. You know, at the end, you got to have me as you died in the book. It's like, good. Some pig. I'm glad your children never get to meet you. Oh, man. She's fucking cold.
Starting point is 01:22:27 She's an alcoholic. She's a fucking monster. And I've had people explain to me like, no, it means like some like wonderful pig. I'm like, you know what? This is text, okay? I'm not gonna assume infliction, okay? Just say some pig on it.
Starting point is 01:22:43 No punctuation. Just said some pig on it No punctuation Meanwhile there's a binge eating rat right there Some pig No comment about him Oh that's dope He's eating out of the trash You know what I'll tell you
Starting point is 01:23:02 Just as many words as some Good Oh man out of the trash you know what i'll tell you just as many words as some good fucking some pig oh that's funny though man miss piggy is a fucking iconic character she's a great she's an amazing absolutely yeah david time for your third pick. My third pick. Gosh, this is really harder than I thought it was going to be. Oh, I want to take a real animal. Is that okay?
Starting point is 01:23:35 Yeah, I think so. Can I take Batyr, the Kazakhstani elephant, rumored to have said up to 20 phrases? What? You can talk us through it absolutely it's an elephant from kazakhstan uh died in 1993 and they said it knew about 20 phrases what were some of the phrases let me hold them or it understood them let me pull them up i'll put i'll put the thing in the group chat like did you even have to stretch that far you could have gone for coco the gorilla.
Starting point is 01:24:07 Could that gorilla talk? I mean, sign language is talking. Oh, well, fuck, man. I thought we were talking about talking. Yeah, that's talking. It's commuted talking. I'm not saying that people who do sign language aren't talking. I just got confused.
Starting point is 01:24:23 I meant like audio. Of course. Yeah, he's on a stamp. David, why'd you put a picture of a butthole in the group chat? That was one time. It's your butthole. It says right on there, my butthole. That was not one time.
Starting point is 01:24:38 Just to be clear. Was it not one time? It is rare, but it's happened a couple times. It's funny every time. It's well-timed. It is rare, but it's having a couple times. It's funny every time. It's well-timed. It's always great. I keep forgetting that Kazakhstan used to be part of USSR. I didn't. Yeah, back
Starting point is 01:24:54 in the USSR. Batyr, whose name is a Turkic word meaning dashing equestrian, was first alleged to speak just before New Year's Day in the winter of 1977 when he was seven years old. Zoo employees were the first to notice his speech, but he soon delighted zoo goers at large by appearing to ask his attendance for water and regularly praising or infrequently chastising himself.
Starting point is 01:25:17 By 1979, his fame as the speaking elephant had spread in the wake of various mass media stories about his abilities, many containing considerable fabrication and wild conjecture. Boutier's case was also included in several books on animal behavior and in the proceedings of several scientific conferences. Are you going to read the whole Wikipedia? Yeah, really. Get louder as I'm going. I'm just giving you.
Starting point is 01:25:39 Oh, I'm sorry, Sean. Some of us can read out loud. I choose not to, David. Yeah, that's what it is. Oh, you were that kid. I choose not to, David. Oh, you were that kid? I choose not to. And I chose to piss my pants when you asked. I was that kid that got mad at you.
Starting point is 01:25:53 Choice yes. I was that kid that was breathing heavily in sighs. It says biography! Just get over it! It's like, ugh. I loved reading out loud I still hate it I am terrible
Starting point is 01:26:10 at it I get so embarrassed built a career around it poor Batyr first of all they say an overdose of soporific drugs it went bad for him they accidentally gave him too many pills it sounds what was just euthanization but it's like why did you say it like that
Starting point is 01:26:29 no they did they did it on accident oh it was an accident dashing equestrian is that what you said yeah yeah yeah how do you give an elephant too much drugs you are on too much drugs that's crazy yeah you're doing some of the elephant drug yeah you were like me it's like you're like you want to split one of these you go i don't want to give the elephant too much i'm gonna take one real quick and then you give the elephant too much is it like is it like a ketamine sort of situation i don't know what it is special k bro you're a little bit for me a whole lot of bit for you. He can count up to three.
Starting point is 01:27:08 He knew the Russian curse word for penis. He could say good, bad, bad, but tear. Go. Now I'm just imagining a giant key shovel. I think I know the Russian curse word for penis. I think it's piska. Did he know the words for more drugs? Because I think that know the Russian curse word for penis. I think it's piska. Did he know the words for more drugs? Because I think that's...
Starting point is 01:27:28 He knew the eye contact for more drugs. An elephant on cocaine is a terrifying prospect. That made my heart stop a little bit. Holy shit. Oh, God. That's code like he's chastising the zoo goers again. That means he had too much coke and they don't want to say it.
Starting point is 01:27:51 He's just yelling penis. Oh, but tears and a moon. He doesn't go on a rampage. He just tells the same story over and over again and tries to make plans to go to Puerto Vallarta with him. Smokes a cigarette out of his trunk. We could go tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:28:06 Tickets are only like $200 more than they are three weeks out. Ashton Kutcher came to his birthday party one year and he just keeps telling you about it. Yeah, this is the most interesting actually talking animal I could find. That's hilarious. Because I thought that here yeah it was a weird pick but i stayed behind i love it excellent pick uh time for my third pick with my third pick i gotta take him he's still here i'm taking baloo from the jungle book i thought you were taking that first he's come up a lot for you jungle book he's he's one of my
Starting point is 01:28:41 tailspin all over the place i. His career has spanned decades. He's back again in the other Jungle Book. I'm taking the original Baloo, though. Just like a fucking vibe. I think, like, at my best, I try to resemble Baloo in mannerism. Shaking up against trees. Just scratching my back on trees,
Starting point is 01:29:00 eating prickly pears. Yeah. That's the original Hakuna Matata is Bare Necessities. It's the original Hakuna Matata is bare necessities. It's the original dude from The Big Lebowski. The Big Lebowski is, I mean, the dude has to be based on Baloo. The dude, Baloo. Yeah, at least aspects of his personality.
Starting point is 01:29:16 Also, another thing people don't talk about Baloo, quite the ladies man. Quite the ladies man. You could absolutely see him like hooking up did you see did you see his girlfriend on tailspin that was a kevin james leah remini situation absolutely like i feel i feel like that happens a lot in disney films where i'm like she can do better yeah yeah yeah yeah blue is a big man icon he's he's he's one of the big man icons him shack biggie but he's biggie before biggie dude you know i knew blue from tailspin before the jungle book i never really saw the jungle book when i was a kid and i didn't really
Starting point is 01:29:57 know who blue was until tailspin because the jungle book is that generation yeah i love jungle book is my favorite movie i fucking it. I might have seen it. I just didn't put it together. Maybe I bet I saw it and just didn't really think that that was the same. Also Robin Hood. He gets a nice little, he gets a, he plays a, what does he play again? Robin, the Robin Hood cartoon. Oh, he's a, he's a little John.
Starting point is 01:30:22 Oh, he's a little John, isn't he? That's right. Yeah. Right. Yeah! That's right. Yeah. There it is. Had to do it. He gets to cross into other forms of literature.
Starting point is 01:30:36 That's the power Baloo had. Sean, time for your third and fourth picks. Third pick, I am going to pick rocket raccoon from guardians of the galaxy okay oh yeah nice modern pick yeah bradley cooper's voice i'm a big fan of any animal that seems like he smokes cigarettes yeah yeah yeah the kind of animal that would have a good time in vegas you know yeah it just seemed like that seems like he owes somebody money somehow even though he's an animal yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean that's like a bulk of the movie he's like there there's like a han solo but a little raccoon instead yeah he's a dope pilot he's real brassy real saucy and uh yeah
Starting point is 01:31:15 and it's bradley cooper i found a way to sneak bradley cooper in there which i'm thrilled about the coops dude i love when people think he's cute like when people are like oh isn't one of the doesn't like one of the characters like characters think he's a really cute raccoon And he gets real mad about it Yeah he gets mad Because he's a guy Yeah I think it's super dank
Starting point is 01:31:35 I like the attitude And he just seems like he'd be fun to kick it with Good little session He's the only animal on here with a gun Yeah so far He's always down to ride sometimes bugs gets his hands on a gun but like it's not his gun yeah so he says a lot of people say it ain't their gun i'm holding it for elmer fudd it's my friend's gun that's why it's in my locker yeah a few of those kids why'd you get suspended i had jason's gun in my locker i don't i mean
Starting point is 01:32:08 whatever was jason's guns or was it your dad's dark got real dark nothing funny about that stuff it's okay oh man uh rock a raccoon dude yeah all right fourth pick yeah right to me right yeah um mr ed all right yeah the og i used to watch when i was little nick and i don't know why but i watched nick at night like crazy and like so all those should like donna reed and like all that my three sons all that shit but mr ed was the one where i like, this is actually kind of for a kid. This isn't some weird adult show that I'm watching, even though I'm five. This is for a child.
Starting point is 01:32:49 Also a great theme song. My Three Sons was your sect of the Crips, right? Your local branch? Is that what you guys called yourselves? Yeah, man. Me and Taz. See, I was a part of the Petticoat Junction. Six Taz and Blue. That what that's we were blue acres
Starting point is 01:33:08 six taz and blue we were the my three sons dude david's face is just stuck like what on this day i remember i loved it mr ed i gotta stay focused on Mr. Ed. What were the plot lines in Mr. Ed ever? Because he was just a horse stuck in a kitchen, right? Really? It was a horse.
Starting point is 01:33:32 He was in. He had a stable, but he was always in the stable and Wilbur would come out. Mr. Ed was like the Wilson. Oh, he had a stable that he lived. Okay. Yeah. So the horse was in his backyard, kind of like Wilson in Home Improvement. He would just come out and like spill his guts to the horse and the horse was in his backyard, kind of like Wilson in Home Improvement. He would just come out and spill his guts to the horse,
Starting point is 01:33:46 and the horse would just understand and give him that sage advice, and then he would fix the problem. Whatever. I can't remember a single storyline, but my son got a D or some shit like that. It's a great theme song, though. A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless the horse is misdirected.
Starting point is 01:34:01 A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse of course, unless, of course, it's a talking horse like the famous Mr. Ed. I think. That was the full version? I think so, I think. I think that is exactly what he did.
Starting point is 01:34:18 Yeah. I don't know if it's correct, but a horse is a horse. Let me just check real quick. Let me hit it pitch perfect. Filming television! That would have been...
Starting point is 01:34:35 You're like, Solomon, don't you massacre that theme song? Here's how it goes. It might have been. It might have been. And then I rep all of the shiznit too. Yeah, man. Mr. Ed. Yeah, they made him talk with peanut butter, right? That's how they did it? Oh, I never knew that.
Starting point is 01:34:51 I don't know. I guess I wondered how they put it all gumball. Yeah, because it gets stuck in their mouth and they're like, what's going on? So they go like that. Oh, I thought it was because they put peanut butter in their finger and then shoved it up to his ass. What? There you go, Pericles.
Starting point is 01:35:08 The horse always has a different name. I talk every time that happens to me. Yeah. Wilbur. Just giving advice. Mr. Ed, great pick. time for my fourth pick oh let's see i'm gonna take him i'll take the i'll take the icon i kind of shit talked to him earlier but i think this is the right i'm gonna take mickey mouse ah oh yeah oh hi sean can you stop coming we're talking about mickey mouse no i can't david oh he kind of fell up mickey mouse kind of fell back into us into a ceo position over there at disney
Starting point is 01:35:55 yeah he used to be he used to be in all sorts of shit you know he was in like of course steamboat mickey early on and then a lot of those like disney cartoons the jack and the beanstalk one you know the him like there's the one him driving to work and all that shit and then kind of fell back and then just became kind of an icon you know he's a mogul he's the only talking animal who's become a mogul he's one of those stand-ups who quit doing stand-up you know yeah yeah he's like he's gerard carmichael dude he's like's like, now he's getting one. He's making, he's helping his friends out, you know? Yeah, no, Mickey Mouse produced Jesus, the Black Messiah movie.
Starting point is 01:36:31 If he shows up to the lunch, you know you're getting the deal. No, I don't know. I just know the Lucas Brothers wrote it. Very excited for it either way. The Lucas Brothers are in that? No, no, no, they wrote it. They wrote it.
Starting point is 01:36:41 They wrote it. I didn't know that. I just saw the trailer the other day. The Lucas Brothers wrote that? Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. I was already excited the other day yeah holy shit yeah yeah yeah yeah no they yeah they wrote it anyways did you see the that south park pandemic special with mickey mouse in it i oh yeah i advertised it a bunch of times i bet you did yeah so he has a general
Starting point is 01:37:06 idea of what it's about. Yeah, I know exactly when it came on. He knows it's coming up after the Daily Show. Yeah. That's so tight. Yeah, Mickey Mouse, more of a vibe than anything these days. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:37:20 But yeah, take a Mickey Mouse. Not a lot to say. David, time for your fourth pick. than a character. But yeah, take a Mickey Mouse. Not a lot to say. David, time for your fourth pick. I'm gonna... We're doing five picks, right? Yeah, we'll do a lightning round. Okay, Roger Rabbit. Okay.
Starting point is 01:37:35 You said him earlier and I was like, damn it. Roger Rabbit's fantastic. Who framed him? That's my question. Also, Loki, that movie's brilliant because the undercurrent plot is how... It's about the labor dispute, right? Yeah, and the entire company's fucking over public transportation in Los Angeles.
Starting point is 01:37:52 And then they go to Toontown. Also, I didn't realize that Patty Cake was fucking. I've talked about this before, but... You didn't? When you look at... Well, because I was a kid, but when you look at it as an adult... I also was a kid and I knew that.
Starting point is 01:38:02 Well, you were different kids, man. Yeah, you were in a gang. You in a gang no like if you you look in that he looks in the window and essentially sees his wife having sex with someone of course he's gonna go a little crazy i mean that yeah yeah i was always in my mind i was like who gives a shit if he's playing patty cake but especially in the movie the way they did it was so sensual yeah yeah but as a kid you're playing patty cake with everybody you know i'm still playing patty cake with my aunt my mom you know what i mean my teacher you keep it on the low because i'm involved but i'm out there playing patty cake no big deal
Starting point is 01:38:34 that teacher thing is a genre yeah that is it's a it's a tab you could click that would have been the fun the fun era of hollywood i've always that like what was that like the late 50s probably the golden era would have been real they were trying to emulate system yeah i think it was like the 50s 60s i just love that roger rabbit could not resist a good bit like he couldn't not do shave in a haircut yeah yeah like that was brutal too when they're just murdering like the dip when they just put that little shoe in there and you're like yeah like that was brutal too when they're just murdering like the dip when they just put that little shoe in there and you're like oh yeah that's lean the dip was lean it's about the effects of lean on children the movie's really about ugk yeah that shoe was that shoe was
Starting point is 01:39:16 little wayne's stomach yeah yeah yeah yeah and rk maroon was pimpsy and honestly if you can get on the soft side of ed asner right yeah that movie was fantastic i just love he's a consummate he's a consummate funny man and i really appreciate that roger i love what comedians used to be you know like what like they were like roger rabbit roger was just based on like a funny man a comedian you know what i mean like yeah exactly always doing a bit always i love don't get me wrong i love stand-up now but i loved when we were like more sticky and less philosophers you know i yeah i have a whole bit about how stand-up comedy is the kids pop of philosophy yeah like um gosh uh i miss my big bow tie. It's been a long time. I miss my disappearing ink.
Starting point is 01:40:11 I got a fucking closet full of Buzz and Handshake things, you know? I can't pull those out. I can't take those to the store. What am I going to do with these giant shoes? Roger Rabbit, great pick. Sal, in time for your fourth pick and then your final pick. I'm very excited about these last two picks. I know for a fact that they're both black.
Starting point is 01:40:28 A hundred percent. First one is Donkey from Shrek. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:40:35 He's making pancakes. He fucked a dragon. Okay. He did fuck a dragon. He fucked a dragon. Yeah. Wow. Donkey
Starting point is 01:40:42 fucked a dragon and that in itself is why he's high on my list yeah i get that yeah it's so dude he's so funny still i love donkey one of eddie murphy's best late performances i just oh so animated it's so yeah i love i love and i think uh i'm gonna go with my last one uh and honestly let's we we've all known he's black for the whole time and that is Tigger from Winnie the Pooh oh
Starting point is 01:41:10 T-I double gutter the wonderful thing about Tigger is Tigger's a wonderful thing just wants to bounce she just wants to bounce that's kind of she just wants a biz ounce uh yeah oh man it's it's it's a dangerous name for children to say multiple times it's that's why i loved it yeah i had the uh the disney shirt the striped disney shirt that had tigger stitched in yeah and uh i don't know if you guys remember those they were very popular among gang members for a minute
Starting point is 01:41:46 and I had one he's a quintessential character especially in the black community it's Tweety Bird, Tigger Tasmanian Devil you gotta yeah how did Tweety Bird get so on
Starting point is 01:42:02 it's just something about him he's small and a sylvester would be considered the more the one but we were like no no no no wait is tweety a boy i think tweety's a boy yeah oh i didn't know that you see tweety bird dressed as a girl all the time maybe there must have been like a tweety bird look let's not let's not gender tweety bird tweety bird is tweety bird tweety bird is out there tweety bird Bird. Tweety Bird is Tweety Bird. Tweety Bird is Tweety Bird. Tweety Bird is out there. Tweety Bird is a sassy motherfucker, too.
Starting point is 01:42:32 And a snitch. Like the way Tweety Bird... And a snitch. Harsh. His name is what you call a snitch. Yeah. Tweety Bird often dresses like a like a
Starting point is 01:42:46 Puerto Rican woman in the Bronx you see Tweety Bird portrayed like that with like big hoop earrings and lipstick and like a denim jacket circle sunglasses just living their lives honestly I love the sunglasses that are always like down here and tiny yeah under the eyes on the nose and just like
Starting point is 01:43:09 they're just there so twitty can look over them like at you like yeah this is the only that i want quarantine to be over so i can go to a swap meet get myself a bootleg bootleg shirt i just need they're just a black bart simpson i just need yeah man bring that back we're gonna make post pandemic like the roaring 20s but with bootleg cartoon merchandise yes well that's the word is it's gonna be like the roaring 20s because everyone's gonna be so stoked to do shit and uh i'm i'm here for it give me give me that give me that life it's the 20s i'm ready to roar david your final pick uh final pick uh this is just the one that i'm the most attracted to and she was super cool uh came out in space jam never forgot about her i'm picking lola bunny oh yeah oh yeah she was
Starting point is 01:43:59 cooler than bugs who does that who can do that let's calm down all down she was that's why Bugs lost Bugs lost his shit he couldn't even hang because she was so cool he was intimidated that was acting that wasn't a documentary David I don't know what you thought I don't know what you
Starting point is 01:44:22 it's just acting when the cameras were off much different story I felt the same way as Bugs did I thought she was cool ass and she could hoop Bugs was hooking up with Tara Reid during that time so once the cameras were off it was a whole different story
Starting point is 01:44:35 don't tell Paddington don't tell Paddington he'd lose a fight to Bugs I don't want that yeah no no paddington no bugs keeps that thing on him he'll take that beating though yeah bugs been hit in the face who cares time for my final pick and i'm going to take i gotta take my my favorite talking animal from my late childhood early teen years i was a people may not believe this now but i was a pretty quiet withdrawn and sullen maybe even depressed kid in my like early teens uh like
Starting point is 01:45:12 many of us are i'm taking eeyore dude oh yeah he was so sad he was so sad sour at the party not that anyone cares he showed up every time just to be sad. Yeah, he showed up. He showed up to be depressed at your party. He lost his tail all the time. That sure is a good time. With Eeyore, it was cute. But it's like a thing that a lot of people manifested that persona from him.
Starting point is 01:45:35 And they just show up sad to a party. And I'm like, why are you here? I hate when that happens. Especially in the Northwest. It happened all the time. All the time! All the time! It was like,
Starting point is 01:45:51 oh my God, how did you even put on clothes? Derek is still outside smoking in the rain still in like a fucking, oh my God. There's a famous photo, I can't remember what it was,
Starting point is 01:46:01 but somebody took a photo of somebody that dragged a chair at a concert and sat down on it and was crying in the middle of a concert. What is happening? Eeyore I love. I was not allowed. Sean, you were in a gang, so you'll appreciate this.
Starting point is 01:46:18 I was not allowed. I showed up in between fifth and sixth grade, so in between grade school and middle school. We went to Disneyland, and I bought a Winnie the Poohoh hat which i hope you weren't about to say winnie the pooh sorry they wouldn't let you because i loved it because like my mom and i would read winnie the pooh uh shout out to saint sue carmel and they wouldn't let me wear it to school because you couldn't wear a hat because of possible gang affiliations and i was like this is 100 acre wood on the back of it that's a white supremacist gang
Starting point is 01:46:46 100 acre wood it's short for 100 acre pecker wood that's real that's real I wouldn't put past white supremacist Sean time for your final pick the final pick of the draft I want to put past white supremacist.
Starting point is 01:47:07 Sean, time for your final pick. The final pick of the draft. I'm going to pick Ren from Ren and Stimpy. Ren, I believe it's... Hook? Or Hook? I can't remember exactly. Hook? H-U-E?
Starting point is 01:47:19 Like Swedish E? K? Something Dutch, dude. I don't know. Swedish U? Yeah. That was just... I remember that was the first cartoon that was gross
Starting point is 01:47:28 and like an adult movie, but it was a cartoon on Nickelodeon. It was like, holy shit, these guys are doing great. They're saying nipple all the time. Ren was the little dog, yeah. Ren was the dog. Steampy! Steampy! You idiot! You're so stupid! Why would you do that?
Starting point is 01:47:43 That show gross to me I love it me too but it was awesome where they would shave and you'd be like oh you can't look away and then they would just eat the hairball
Starting point is 01:47:51 yeah when they would go to that there's like a bandaid and loose hair and everything when they would go to that weird vision yeah they were always out like selling rubber nipples
Starting point is 01:47:57 because I'm thinking it's rubber nipples Stimpy and I'm thinking of the the orange VHS cassette tape that Nickelodeon would have yes and I would just yeah
Starting point is 01:48:04 we had three of the Ren and Stimpy ones and I was just obsessed with them. And Nurse Stimpy, I think is art. That is just. I loved Ren and Stimpy. I loved Buttered Toast Man or Cinnamon Toast Man.
Starting point is 01:48:17 With the power of vitamin S. Cinnamon Toast Man. There was the horse that like that talking horse guy that they tried to sell the rubber nipples to. He opened the door and he was clearly on drugs, like in WITSEC or something.
Starting point is 01:48:30 Like, what are you doing here? They're like, we're just trying to sell you some rubber nipples. He goes, oh, rubber nipples. Why didn't you say so? Then they come in and sell him a bunch of rubber nipples. It's crazy. It was just gross and everyone was like, yeah, we're going to let them do this for Chulsa
Starting point is 01:48:45 the first version like Adult Swim before Adult Swim this is just like afternoon cartoons where someone's like let's roll the dice and see if kids are I thought it was MTV no it was Nickelodeon I just said Nickelodeon out loud but it was like late night
Starting point is 01:49:00 wow yeah but it was I just remember and then you get like all the other ones that were like Aeon were, wow, man. Yeah. But it was, I just remember it was the pendant. And then you get like all the other ones that were like, Aeon Flux and Beavis and Butthead and stuff. Those came after Ren and Stimpy and then Adult Swim. Those were on MTV. Yeah, those were on MTV for sure.
Starting point is 01:49:15 Aeon Flux where they had the crazy open mouth kissing. You're like, yeah, that's going to be. Catching a fly with an eyelash. Yeah. Oh, that was the weird one where the guy's face kept changing and swallowing itself yeah yeah oh yeah yeah ren fucking good yeah that's a good one fuck yeah
Starting point is 01:49:34 that's the final pick so do we that that wraps it up to recap solomon you went first you took bugs bunny power line miss piggy donkey and tigger david you went second you took daffy duck dodger batir the talking elephant from kazakhstan that's a rabbit and lula bunny i went uh third i took paddington bear kermit the frog baloo mickey mouse and eeyore sean you went last you took mufasa michelangelo rocket raccoon mr ed and ren we well before we get to the board that we left marissa did you have a or Sean, you went last. You took Mufasa, Michelangelo, Rocket Raccoon, Mr. Ed, and Ren. Before we get to the board that we left, Marissa, did you have a pick? Yes. My pick is Jake the Dog from Adventure Time.
Starting point is 01:50:14 Adventure Time. Oh, what a great pick. That's a good one. He could shapeshift, and his girlfriend is a unicorn. So that's pretty badass. That's a great pick. That's a fantastic pick. That is pretty cool.
Starting point is 01:50:24 We left some good shit on the board. Sassy? Well, any of the animals from Homeward Bound, really. Milo and Otis. Sebastian the crab from The Little Mermaid. I had parrots. Oh yeah, like gray parrots?
Starting point is 01:50:40 Because at first you were like, are we talking fictional? And then I was like, I got confused. Anyway, in which way? I did too, because I'm like, I thought there was a bunch of Mr. Eds out there, but they're... Also, there's the whole thing of Planet of the Apes, like Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes. Oh, good call. Matthias from Redwall, one of the mice from Redwall.
Starting point is 01:51:03 Smaug the dragon, I don't know if we count. And then, like, somebody who just works a lot, the Geico Gecko, that guy's just putting in work, you know? That is a good hit. Damn. Yeah. Oh, also, I... What about Ludo from Labyrinth I had? I had Thumper from Bambi. Oh, yeah, Thumper getting Twitterpated.
Starting point is 01:51:20 Yeah. Getting Twitter... That is a tank album Thumper and getting Twitter banned Back to back That was 98-99 Yeah but especially Thumper We want to hear yours
Starting point is 01:51:41 Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter AllFantasyPod podcast at gmail.com uh shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon thank you for holding us down shout out to everyone on the afe shaslackity we love you shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit thank you so much for riding for us uh shout out to saint sue carmel who else what else we got going on shout out to uh to happy birthday uh to bonnie from chris so that's what's up happy birthday happy birthday bonnie might have been a little late on that um that's the only shout out we got this week that i had from the fans shout out to uh me going skating
Starting point is 01:52:16 in a bit because it's perfectly sunny out here and i'm gonna go to a basketball court where there's no other kids around and just skate a little box so i'm excited listening to some alice in chains dude shout out to lane staley shout out scott wyland yeah shout out all of them shout out chris cornell shout out to my girlfriend taking a nap on the couch right now starting it right now because you can hear the podcast getting wrapped up be hard i was when you said that i was like she's been taking a nap while you're in there talking to me. No one has ever napped near me. That'd be fucking tough, dude. Decibels, dude.
Starting point is 01:52:51 The Dewey decibel system over here. Shout out to Martin Luther King Jr. Oh, shout out to Martin Luther King Jr., of course. Shout out to James Harden being fat. He's fat now? Good. Shout out to the Rockets. He couldn't do anything with them.
Starting point is 01:53:07 Uh-uh. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
Starting point is 01:53:19 Sha-clackity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.

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