All Fantasy Everything - Talking Animals (w/ Solomon Georgio, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: January 28, 2021If I could walk with the animals, talk with the animals... really just the talk part, actually. That's what we're focusing on today. The fellers get together with their ol' pal Solomon Giorgi...o to draft "Talking Animals."Episode Guest:Solomon Georgio @solomongeorgio IG: @solomongeorgioSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture.
From fast food items to slang words we wish were cool again and everything in between.
On this episode, we're going to be drafting talking animals with Solomon Giorgio.
I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are Sean Jordan and David Borey.
Let's get to it.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
The podcast that is slowly ramping up the amount of caffeine it consumes again and had a black tea this morning.
Are you?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
That's why you're naked.
Is that like African black soap?
Is that similar?
It is.
It's the exact same.
It's just the suds from that.
It's a cup full of those suds.
I always thought it was drinkable.
It's very drinkable.
It's potable.
It's dankable.
Yeah, it's dark water.
I'm drinking Lord Bergamot.
Lord Bergamot.
It's the...
Shout out to Stephen Smith Teamaker in Portland, Oregon, by the way.
Stephen A. Smith. Stephen A. Smith Teamaker. That dude. It's the shout out to Stephen Smith, tea maker in Portland, Oregon, by the way, Stephen,
Stephen,
he only makes black tea.
Let me tell you something about the way black tea was raised.
Lord Bergamot. lord bergamot
is it a tea monger if you make tea like i think i think it is a tea monger
some of the people who work at steven a smith tea maker in portland or not steven a smith
at steven smith tea maker in portland they listened to the podcast and they sent me some tea
shout out to you it's fucking delicious tea yeah all my mongers downtown
tea mongers fish mongers cheese mongers dude yeah i got i got my blood work back from a doctor they
said i was a tea monger high tea hi i got my i got my crip work back and they said i was a tea monger high tea i got my i got my crypt work back and they
said i was a folk oh geez oh it's martin luther king day gentlemen yeah yeah
notoriously high tea
was there ever an r&b singer named like high t or anything that should have been it's pretty
high t i don't i don't know there was tank yeah i was thinking a tank too for some reason was
it a t connotation or just a high t i think you might be feeling pretty sexy because that's like
grown folks yeah yeah that's like, yeah. Love, pleasure, pain or whatever.
That's adult. The kind of sex you're
invoking when your name is Tank is a very
particular kind of sex. Oh,
yeah. I don't know who Tank
is. I'm not familiar. Look, no
one's looking at each other while listening to Tank, okay?
That's where you are in your love life oh man oh my goodness i'm gonna text you some tank stuff yeah i was gonna say i'm gonna get
into it before i go shredding today i'll listen to some tankers see if i do any sexy tricks put it on a boom box while you're skating at the park dude yeah the kids will respect you you got
to be 18 to come over here let the children let the children in their fucking early how do the
kids dress at the skate parks now uh big pants like the pipe shit is back fully like big pipe
pants and then the beanie you back fully, like big pipe pants.
And then the beanie, you made fun of the beanie.
I got a beanie on for everybody listening, and Ian asked where I got the B-Rabbit beanie that comes over my ears.
You had it pulled way lower than you do right now.
Yeah, I had it pulled.
Here, I'll show you some.
And I had it like, yeah, like B-Rabbit.
I had it like that.
Then I pulled it up. But they wear beanies high above their ears.
And then that's about it.
Hoodies.
Oh, yeah.
Do they listen to music out loud at the skate parks?
The Hessians do.
Like, if you go to the right place where there's bowls and shit, the Hessians will be.
Like, I heard Alice in Chains the other day.
I got so excited.
Hessians?
You guys have categories for skaters?
What's a Hessian?
Yeah, like the gnarly, crusty-looking dudes are called.
Gnarly, crusty-looking people are called Hessnarly, crusty looking people are called Hessians.
That's what we always called them. We just called them gross
when I was a kid.
Yeah, you're right.
Hessians are the fucking gross ones
for sure.
They're listening to Alice in Chains in 2021.
They're disgusting.
Yeah, what are you trying to prove?
Alice in Chains isn't even listening to Alice in Chains in 2021.
Alice in Chains is moved on.
They don't send a cold ploy, dude. Fix you.
Lane Staley has been dead longer than he was alive
by this point, I think. That's pretty much...
Damn, dude.
It's still rips, dude. Allison Chains is still...
His voice was so dope.
Lane Staley, I love it. Scott Weiland, too.
Anyway, that's not what we're talking about.
We're talking about Tank.
We're here to
draft allison james we're recording on martin luther king jr day it's time to reflect on the
and works of lane staley and scott wyland
shawn us jordan is here sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.
What the hell, dude?
What the fuck?
I was excited to tell you guys about this.
I've been cleaning.
I've been going through my old stuff, cleaning stuff out.
And I found a bar of soap.
My mom gets me, you know, like being boozled and shit like that.
She gets me weird shit.
Yeah.
And I found a bar of soap that she got that either has, it's got a $1 bill, a $5 bill,
a 10, a 20 or a 50 in it.
You have to use the soap to get the money inside.
Whoa.
Damn.
I've been using hella soap in the shower.
Talk about a wash your ass present.
Yeah, dude.
Seriously.
I was seriously washing my ass in the shower.
It's been dope.
I'll keep you posted.
What if that bill comes out when you're
washing your ass yeah it's in a little bag dude it's in a little baggie like you would put yeah
like you would put drugs if you were say putting them in your ass it's comes out because i've had
one of these bars before i just didn't know i still had another i would be so upset if anybody
did that to me yeah because you know it's not good soap no no it smells like a lime like a lime it's got money in
it money's so dirty yeah also depending on the life or the time of my life that you gave that
to me i would have to hack that bar oh yeah crack it open for sure oh yeah
i would still crack it open i'm the ashy aren't worth 50 bucks. I'd rather just cut through the soap.
I mean, speak for yourself,
Mr. Television Writer.
I'm happy to say right now,
I have
don't crack the soap open money.
I'm doing alright.
That's good.
How's the pushing
40s pushing 40s gang?
Good, man. My boy Charlie's been doing a kickflip every day uh and he's gonna stay on it he he's one of the pushing 40s pushing
boardies dudes he like almost slid off the road in his work truck the other night like one of those
big like trailer trucks and he got the tow truck come in time he was in like mcminnville and tow
him home and he still went out and did a kickflip before midnight. Damn, dude. Very sick.
Very motivating.
Is it hard to do a kickflip every day?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, kickflips are hard.
All right.
Yeah.
Ask and answer.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
It was a little bit of a tone.
Put your fucking brass knuckles away, bro.
Yeah.
It's hard to do a kickflip.
It's just that I do a kickflip maybe once an hour.
10,000 kickflips a day, dude.
Yeah.
Well, that's how you slimming down
9,000, 2,500, 600
Kickflips
Looking forward to this
That's what I do, I look forward to hanging out with you folks
Absolute
David Borey is here
Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram The G is silent on Twitter How are you buddy? with you folks absolute absolute they want absolutely david bory is here cool guy joe
27 on instagram the g is silent on twitter how are you buddy i'm good i couldn't go fishing
yesterday because i did that outdoor stand-up show or whatever that's right did you throw your
phone in some water anyways at the stand-up show i made two guys hold hands so that was cool nice
just classic bory stand- up tricks Eat it Joe Biden
And then I just yelled about how
This is the only time this is gonna happen
We're all here
Be alive
They both get COVID
Yeah
That's how a new strain was born
The two of them holding hands with their individual COVID
Well we got a sick picture of it so
that's what's important now how was the show what was it like doing what was it like doing
stand-up how did you feel doing stand-up what was the last yes i was so scared all day my friend
brent booked me and i thought it wasn't gonna happen so i was like yeah sure i'll go do your stand-up show whack whack and then sunday came up fucking fast and all day i was so nervous i wrote my set
list down because i was headlining did you do anything new or did what was it was scary i did
like probably 70 new shit wow that's fine because like well because it's like the old shit you feel
so far away from when you wrote it right yeah like we well, cause it's like the old shit you feel so far away from when you wrote it.
Right.
Yeah.
Like all the stuff I wrote.
No,
it's been,
the world's been insane for a year.
All the stuff I wrote before the pandemic didn't seem to like fit,
you know,
but you know,
yeah,
it was,
it felt good.
It's good to remember that you're like,
that's a skill that you have.
Yeah.
It's nice to make dudes hold hands.
Yeah,
sure.
And it's nice for people to be like, Oh man, I really enjoyed that. I had a fun night and it's like, make dudes hold hands yeah sure and it's nice for people to be like oh man i really
enjoyed that i had a fun night and it's like oh i brought you because this we do but i can't tell
if this brightens your day but like stand up you get to like shut the fuck up david i'm sorry if i
upset you i didn't mean to upset you but go ahead you know it darkens people's days if you're
listening out there i hope this fucking podcast ruins your day i hope it darkens people's days. If you're listening out there, I hope this fucking podcast ruins your day. I hope it ruins
your marriage.
Wow.
I don't mean that. That was
the Camelot.
I hope your son hates you by the end of this podcast.
Yeah.
Dark boys.
Oh, you're saying that to me and Solomon
on MLK Day? Oh my god wow yeah yikes i can't even go outside
was that you were the beanie talking my god well now my heart's beating too fast to keep going
oh now your problems are the problems we should care about the most
on mlk day i gotta worry about your heart beating too fast.
Sean's listening.
Sean's recording
in the back of a Greyhound
speeding to the Capitol
right now, by the way.
You can't get a fucking hotel room.
Which Capitol?
It doesn't took her.
A Capitol, bro.
As many as I can get to.
Just make sure it's got an O in it.
Capital 8, dude. Capital 8.
Capital 8. That capital.
Going to Capital Records and I'm going to
shoot Clive Davis. That's what I'm doing.
Buy a Steve Winwood album at Capital Records, bro.
That's what's up.
God fearing.
Oh, man.
Forthright.
That's what I've been up to.
Beautiful. Keeping the fishies safe. what I've been up to. Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Keeping the fishies safe, doing a little bit of stand-up.
Solomon Giorgio is here.
Hi!
At Solomon Giorgio on Twitter.
Perhaps looking more gorgeous than ever, perhaps.
Oh, this is the filter on the Zoom.
Don't worry about it.
You have filters on here?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's just, yeah, I've...
God damn it.
I look like I got kidnapped.
How do you do the filters now?
You can do...
If you go to your square
and click the three buttons
and they should...
I'm sorry, the video thing.
The video where it says stop video, the little up button.
There's video settings.
And it says touch up my appearance.
And you can actually mess with the levels
on it. I touched up my appearance and you can actually mess with the levels on it
I touched up my appearance
did anything change?
hold on
I think you gotta clean your camera dude
it sort of just blurs you a little bit
yeah softens the edges
softens the edges
I don't think that's what it is
I have great lighting
I'm a model
you have amazing lighting I'm a model and you know what it's amazing lighting yeah
i've never taken a bad photograph in my entire life so this is sort of everything i'm working
with working together you can't smile when this plane's passing overhead because it might blind
the pilots they'll crash into a mountain these are all these are all risks we face uh solo and
georgio right most of i think all of our listeners know you already. I have to tell you, I think I've told you over text several times,
High Fidelity was one of my favorite shows of the year, man.
I fucking loved it.
Thank you.
It was so good.
It's my favorite movie of all time, so I was very nervous about the show.
And I think we even talked about that a little bit.
I was real nervous that the show wasn't going to do what it should.
It did exactly, exactly what it was supposed to do.
That's the thing. That's why I'm brought on
to do things because I'm usually
the best at it.
No, man. It was
serious. It was fantastic.
Every second of it.
It was a blast to write it, too.
It was really...
When you deal with something like that, you're like,
okay, this is scary
because everybody else is going to criticize it.
But then it's like, or we can just do the best we can.
And anyone who criticizes it is going to look like a jackass because the people who love it, love it.
Yeah, exactly.
Also, that was the first time there was an episode of television where I was like, I know what that is.
I know what that is.
I was there.
Oh, that was exciting.
When I implemented stuff from my own life into it.
Yeah, I was like, oh shit, he did it!
I'm going to go back and watch that.
That's the best thing about writing for TV
is that every once in a while you're like,
you know what?
I'm going to put this in there for my own life.
Le Petit Revenge.
It's amazing.
Less on the Late Late Show with James Corden.
I don't get to do that as much on my writing job.
There's not as much like pulling from my own life
for a monologue joke about Joe Biden.
Glad you get to do it.
One day you'll get it like getting the
personal vendettas out is really the fun part of tv i'm saving them up i'm gonna drag both david
and sean through the mud on season 19 of superstore you guys are getting fucked up
good i'll finally get on fucking tv
finally have my name out there.
Ah, yes, Sean.
The unpopular name.
Fucking drooling.
I'm drooling, shit.
Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't I'm drooling. Shit. Shit, I'm sorry.
I didn't want Solomon to see me like this.
What have you been up to, man?
How have you been doing, Solomon?
You know, I've just been, it's just been home.
Mostly home.
Yeah.
I've been, I got an espresso machine, so I've been making lattes.
Fun.
So that's really, that's really been my thing is sort of buying the things that I like off of Instagram and lattes. Fun. So that's really been my thing,
is sort of buying the things that I like off of Instagram
and using them.
Yeah, yeah.
It's almost an assault to say,
how have you been, what have you been up to?
And I apologize for that.
No, no, no, it's perfectly fine,
because I think this is the most amount of time
of self-reflection I've had,
so that's the best time to ask me this question.
Right.
Like, literally, how are you doing and i
can tell you yeah in detail but i'm doing house plants now man i'm like i'm on that same vibe oh
my god house plants i don't yeah see i made sure i was like going into the quarantine i was like
you know what i'm gonna keep nothing else alive but myself. And I stuck to that.
I got me.
So, however selfish I was before,
even worse.
Even worse.
Really all the way up.
Perfect. Is there anything
you're working on now that you want to point people towards?
Or are you just chilling?
Yeah.
While I was in
this wonderful little
quarantine, I got to write for the next
season of Shrill and I'm now currently writing
for the next season of Love Life
on HBO Max. Oh, amazing.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Keep your eye on those. I'm stoked to book those.
Shrill filmed in Portland, Oregon.
Yes, indeed. Beautiful Portland, Oregon.
Did you meet alice
matthias while you were writing on that at all is she still involved in that show no the thing
that i'm only in the writer's room so i don't like anybody who works on set like production
wise or anything like that i have no idea oh that's right and the writer's room isn't even
really a writer's room right or did you go did you guys quarantine and go in somewhere we're in
zoom we're zoomed we zoomed the whole time because it was like it was right at the beginning of quarantine when the writer's room started so we're like oh
that's right which is like that was great for me because it's in new york and i was much as i love
everyone on the show i uh i'm not a new york person yeah i remember last time when you went
to new york for it you were like it's fine like i can be there for whatever time I need to be there, but I don't think I could live
in New York.
It's just like they put
the garbage on the streets.
They throw it on the street and it's open
until four. I can't be somewhere that's open
until four. Also, they don't
want me to live in New York.
You don't want that.
You feel like now that you're
a little more calm,
you could maybe...
I need full-size grocery stores.
Number one.
I need full-size everything.
I need a grocery store with multiple aisles.
I can't be down to just a bodega.
I like getting a sandwich,
but I can make my own
if I go to a full-size grocery store.
You don't want to be in a grocery store
that only has hot sauce from 1998. You have to blow it off you know what i mean yeah yeah it's
it's a certain motif every time i leave new york i have a cold no matter what time of year every
time i go i leave like feeling terrible like i'm being like flown out on a helicopter kind of thing
yeah it's too much for me it's too much city for me it's too much city here's the thing is that i like people in new york then then i do in la in some places like they're like meeting
new people in new york is fantastic but like la is a better scene for me to exist in so it's like
if the people can switch then hey problem solved i say get get the people over here Move to LA
Come out to LA, exactly
It's so much nicer
It's a fish tank versus the ocean
Come swim in the ocean
So tight there, you're on top of each other
And I say this as a very Jewish man
Although LA is very Jewish as well
Wait, you're Jewish
100% bar mitzvah and everything
That's right
my name that jew's name that that jew's name is ian carmel ian carmel on twitter ian carmel
on instagram ian carmel on the jewish new york times app which i have on my phone the jew york
times app the jew york times i signed up for the new york times app and like you know you ever get
into one of those like support journalism modes they're good modes to be in but like i signed up for the New York Times app and like you know you ever get into one of those like support journalism modes they're good modes to be in but like I signed up for a year's like plan
and like subscribed so I get push notifications on my phone every morning which is a mistake
this is not the time to be doing that I read the roundup in the eye because I have the I have the
I paid for it too I just read the roundup in the morning and then I go to the articles I want to
go to that are linked in the roundup.
Those push notifications get mad
stressful. I'm so depressed.
You can turn them off, right? I should turn
them off because it's 7 a.m.
and I read them and then I'm like, oh no.
And then I go back to sleep. Right after this
podcast is over, we're all turning off the push
notifications we don't like.
We're going to have a push notifications friend circle.
We're going to do a push notifications friend circle.
That's good. That's important.
And there's a lot of them.
I have so many that I need to get rid of.
Uber Eats for some reason.
All the fucking time.
And I think it's like,
you have to do this once a year.
You have to do the thing that makes you get rid of all the stuff on your phone you don't like.
You're too lazy to do anything. Sprint cleaning.
We're going to fucking do it. We really should do it. Because's just you know as a matter of fact that the people that are listening should
be doing it after this podcast i just got one a video appeared to show covet patients in egypt
dying when a hospital ran out of oxygen thanks cool let me just go for a walk in the park now
you just walk outside like it is a nice day. You're right.
Oh, my God.
I have nothing going on.
I'm still staying away from the studio for the time being, the Stu's Stu's Studio.
I will be back in eventually, but Los Angeles is terrifying.
It's scary, and I'm sure the push notifications don't help.
But until then, listen to All Fantasy Everything.
Now, we are gathered here today not only to talk about terrifying push notification,
but also to fantasy draft talking animals
from the world of fiction, probably,
because there aren't too many of them in real life.
Oh, you need to get better drugs, my friend.
There's plenty.
I definitely don't need to get better drugs.
I don't do any drugs now,
but I've done the drugs that would have led to
talking animals and none of them did
I did enough drugs to do the talking animals
and I've not gotten it either
oh man
I've been a talking animal a lot of times
on drugs
we've all been down that road
I've been a sweaty pig but I haven't been a talking animal.
I've been a dirty dog, but yeah, not a talking animal.
Like I've talked to the animals 100%, but they weren't talking back to me.
Yeah, I've been full-blown Dr. Doolittle.
Every part of it.
I've been the Jerry Lewis Dr. Doolittle.
I've been the Eddie Murphy Dr. Doolittle, and they never talked back.
Was there a difference in those two Dr. Doolittles or was it the same thing?
Was Eddie Murphy just riding Jerry Lewis like train for a while?
Jerry Lewis might not have been the original Dr. Doolittle.
Let me look it up.
Who was the original Nutty Professor?
Jerry Lewis was the original Dr. Doolittle.
I'm assuming he was.
Nutty Professor, I thought.'m assuming he was nutty nutty
professor i thought no he was the he was the nutty professor rex harrison was the original dr doolittle
that's my oh and yeah and somebody was recently dr doolittle robert downey jr was the most recent
dr doolittle that's right funny another eddie murphy thing uh jerry lewis was also the original metro if you saw that eddie murphy movie
i did see that and the original bowfinger a lot of people it doesn't come up a lot
i was flubber that he was also the original and and robin williams right yeah right flubber was
the absent-minded professor yes yeah yeah and they're like too much for the 90s yeah we're going with flubber condense i've
been working on a thing about weight loss like uh keep your eyes peeled for a year or two to
a year or two out but like uh man i was going over like movies and tv shows that like about
like fat people from the 90s and shit the naughty professor was brutal it's one of the big 90s jokes it was terrible it was one of the
best 90 is like that was david spade on the hollywood roundup on fucking snl that's all he
did david made money off of making fat jokes all he did that's all he fucking did i still think
about i can see my penis like as like this big ass yeah spandex all spandex all spandex oh the 90s was
one long fat joke yeah it was truly a long brutal fat joke fat bastard it was terrible
yeah like i don't realize at the time and then you go back you're like holy buckets i think fat
bastard fucked as many white kids up as hercules fucked up little black kids. Oh my God. Cause fat bastard knew that he knew as is in character.
He was like,
I'm sad because I eat and I'm eat and I eat because I'm sad.
And then he farted for like 15 seconds.
Well,
you said it used to be true.
It still gets me.
It still gets me.
It still gets me today.
It's funny.
You can't deny it.
I think the only kind thing was heavyweights throughout the entire 90s.
That was it.
That's all we got.
Oh, I forgot about heavyweights.
That was the only time.
With Ben Stiller playing the same character he played in Dodgeball.
It's the only time fat people got any sort of revenge in the movie.
I sure didn't.
Clem got revenge.
He ended up with Jada Pinkett.
Yeah, he did.
Yeah, he did. But also, he was not a fat person in real life. He ended up with Jada Pinkett. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did.
But I also,
he was not a fat person in real life.
He was no,
no,
he was much like everyone else in that movie.
He was Eddie Murphy.
A real,
that,
that kitchen table scene.
Can I say though,
I saw that we were in atlanta that summer
and i saw uh the muddy professor in atlanta it's just like a movie theater with only black people
i don't think i've ever seen anybody kill so hard in anything no like yeah i can imagine and i
couldn't breathe like it was like i it was like one of the most amazing things that's ever happened
to me i couldn't breathe i couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe either.
It was so funny because of childhood obesity-related asthma was the main risk.
Also, that grandma, very funny.
Mike Douglas used to make me moist.
Mike Douglas.
Sometimes when I'm alone alone i relate to myself
oh my god oh boy so when you finish writing the nutty professor three just make
there isn't a third one already i forgot he's writing it yeah he ends well that's what we're
waiting on i'm gonna be a slightly less fat person who puts on a fat suit that's
that's why i've been losing the weight
i'm gonna get down to 250
i never knew the world was like this.
Seriously, though, you look great, buddy.
Oh, thanks, man.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, man.
Oh, God. So we're gathering today to draft Talking Animals for the Love of Pete.
Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock,
paper, scissors.
Play between the three of you, and we the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between
the three of you, and we throw on shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
Oh, Solomon wins!
Now, Solomon, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors,
it is incumbent upon you to determine
the order of today's draft, but before you do that,
I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft.
And what is that? Great question. It's like those window washers on the giant like on skyscrapers when
they're on the scaffolding you know and uh they don't just like wash the windows like that with
a rag or anything they have those giant like squeegee things and what they'll do is up there
yeah you gotta squeegee on the window first and then you take your squeegee and you go you they go like
left to right because you again you don't just want to so they take the squeegee and they go
left to right and then they go down a little bit because all the fluid goes down and then they
squeegee from right to left that's right and then they go down a little bit and they just kind of
squeegee from left to right down a little bit and then they squeegee from the right to the left.
And then, yeah, then the window's clean.
Sounds like an R&B song.
I feel like there might be more steps.
Yeah, those are some tank lyrics, dude.
You gotta squeegee from the left to the right.
You squeegee to the left.
You're squeegee all night.
Squeegee is a verb
it sounds very sexual
is that squeegee or sweat?
that's another popular tank song
you should think about casting tank in the nutty professor 3
is he still around?
I don't know what
it's the first direct to pay per view
in a hotel movie of all time
you can only get it
at NBC suites
best 13 i ever spit in my life oh yeah it's either that or 40 bucks for six hours of porno
i remember when they would advertise a porn like that we'd be like this is a
four-hour porn and you're like, I don't know about all that.
I don't know.
Is that so you can like, jay it, leave it on
and then like come back later, jay it again?
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it was actually like VHS.
So I remember we got it at the,
whatever the porn place was in Minneapolis,
but I got like a four-hour porn
and it was supposed to be like, you know,
it's new forever because you're not going to watch
the whole thing in one squeege.
So anyway, but the whole thing was so bad. See, with quarantine, it's new forever because you're not going to watch the whole thing in one in one squeege. So anyway, the whole thing was so bad.
See, with quarantine, I've been I've said every once in a while, I'm like, I just go, I'm going to just watch the whole thing.
I just sit down and I'm like, how does it?
Can I ask you one thing?
Can I ask you?
Yeah, I was going to say, are gay porn.
Is it the same?
It's the same storylines basically storylines
gay porn doesn't even try they're just every once in a while it's like here's a little taste
of a storyline we don't fuck around like straight people do okay i get that like everyone's like
there are those and it is fun to watch them but it's very it's very much most of them are like
uh welcome to the bedroom fucking Fucking, let's do it.
Some straight porn has written by
and story by credits.
They really get into it.
I saw a clip of some gay porn once. It was very
athletic. There's a lot of
sports
clothing and uniforms and
all that stuff.
That's just what I would think would happen
if dudes made porn for dudes.
But there's also like
gay porn is like, oh, the straight guy
being gay, but then you're like,
I don't care about that.
Oh, is that the plot line sometimes?
I don't even think about that.
That's not my fantasy.
The storyline is like, this is his first time kind of thing.
Like his first time.
The first time with a penis in his butt and he's perfectly fine with it
for 30 minutes
that's the whole like storyline
is bad
I don't know
if it was really your first
time having anal sex you'd be shitting everywhere
there is no
you heard it here first
y'all
timestamp that one.
The last half hour of it is him looking at a picture of his dad on his phone.
See, now that I can watch.
Then you gotta wash your ass.
Hey!
There it is.
Basically, it's if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.
Now, Solomon, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be?
I'll go first.
There it is.
Martin Luther King Day. David, you'll go second.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Oh, awesome.
Well, since you're Jewish, that's next.
So I'd have to be the farthest away.
I knew it.
I knew it. The least qualified. I knew it. The least qualified.
I knew it.
I was a crip.
Tread lightly.
I know.
I did get a little bassy right there.
First of all,
watch your tongue.
I did get a little bassy. You're right.
You're right. I apologize.
I was a crip. basey who we remember on this day hot corner perfect so solomon first david second me third sean fourth and solomon we will get to your first pick right after this short break
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dot com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply welcome back to all fantasy everything
the only podcast that has ever existed this is it this is
it the only this is the only one of course other than solomon giorgio doing stand-up on television
several times shrill and high fidelity but that's it those are the only forms of media no other
media out there nothing else nope all the content man we got a corner book ended we got it we got
a lockdown solomon we are drafting Talking Animals.
You have the first pick, and what will that first pick be?
I'm going to go with
Quintessential
Talking Animal, and that'd be
Bugs Bunny.
Oh, shit.
I have to go for number one. I think that was right up there
with the first choices. Yeah, he's a king.
He's fantastic. He's black.
He's a king. He's black. He's hysterical.
He's black and Jewish,
which is crazy.
He's a little Irish, too.
He's kind of Irish.
Everyone knows.
Is Bugs Bunny Irish?
No, I'm just trying to be part of the club.
Is he black? I could see him
wearing like a Star of David Chain.
He's always one of those cartoon characters
that's always on the list of
it's a black character.
Oh, man. It's him
and everybody from a goofy movie.
It's 100%.
How old is Bugs Bunny? Was it like the 40s i think he was
like either the somewhere early 40s so he's almost like a little over 80 plus yeah yeah he was
created in the late 1930s originally voiced by melvin jerome blank mel blank that's how old that's
how long i didn't know Blank was the first one.
He was like the man of a thousand voices, right?
Yeah.
That's what they called him,
the man of a thousand voices, yeah.
He did almost everything,
and Flintstones included,
because I think he moved off to Hanna-Barbera
later in life.
Right.
McGilligurilla.
Mm-hmm.
Stop with the other picks.
Oh, sorry.
I was going to takegilligarilla first
fuck that would have been there would have been a golden age at hannah barbara where you like you
could have just like if you rhymed a name with a king with an animal absolutely you had a fucking
character in there oh yeah i mean they were all alliterative or rhymed. That was a lot of these that we're going to talk about.
You guys remember Quesadilla Chinchilla?
Quesadilla Chinchilla?
A little more racist,
but also a good character.
There was Powell Owl,
who was an owl who made grills.
The people's champ.
That's a voice of a generation. the people's champ but yeah he Melbaugh
that's a voice of a generation
he had that sneer
but I love that drawled out voice
he can do every once in a while
that means
yeah
yeah
Looney Tunes was fucking impactful
that was the only way I learned about classical music
to this day if I hear a classical music song i'm like oh yeah this is bugs bunny like
uh putting a carrot in yosemite in like uh elmer fudd's gun and him blowing his face off that's
this one from like mary melodies or whatever they were called oh yeah mary melodies that were there
those those were all the they're all instrumental right yeah yeah all of the looney tunes kind of
became black in the 90s
didn't they like like or they were just dressing like crisscross yeah they started they started
playing basketball uh yeah i mean i had that shirt guys pics pics but i had the shirt with
bugs and blank on it and uh boy did i wear that thing i had that one too the crisscross one arms
crossed boy did i wear that thing it was down to my shins, bro.
I wore that thing.
You could barely see the turquoise cross colors peeking out the bottom, but you could see.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
Man.
At the mall.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Ducat, farthest to the right that it could go. None of you would have liked me. You would have hated my guts. Oh, yeah, dude. Duke hat, farthest to the right
that it could go.
None of you would have liked me.
You would have hated my guts.
I'll tell you that.
We were dressing the same,
so I think we would have
gotten along fine.
I wouldn't have known
what to think of you.
That was not a look
of Beaverton, Oregon.
The Duke hat,
I would have glommed on to.
I would have been like,
oh, yeah, Bobby Hurley.
And maybe you would have known.
Bobby Hurley.
I would have been like,
shut up up you fool
my face this is a crip hat
I'm so glad I was a foot taller than you at that time
Bugs Bunny was great I still love Bugs Bunny he is like his
his attitude he was fantastic the way he carried himself you could live a good life carrying yourself like Bugs Bunny yeah His attitude, he was fantastic. The way he carried himself. You could live a good life carrying yourself like Bugs Bunny.
Yeah, he was the coolest.
All personality.
Maybe we could talk about this more a little farther in.
Do they ever age cartoons?
Are there any cartoons out now where Bugs Bunny is an older, where he's 70?
Wouldn't that be kind of fun?
I mean, there was Tiny Toon Adventures where they were kids.
Yeah.
Yes.
But also, Bugs Bunny, one of the earliest drag artists that we knew about uh
absolutely absolutely and didn't didn't break character really got into it no he loved it was
it wayne's world where like garth admitted to being attracted to bugs when he dressed like a
woman yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah which is a very specific thing i'm like you should just be attracted to all the bugs that's a great first pick bugs bunny amazing first pick david time for your first pick
it's so hard because i have my heart that i want but then i you gotta have
like the big boys you know what i mean, that's a tank lyric as well.
Yeah.
You got my heart, but I
need the big boys.
I've picked him for another thing.
He goes right alongside with Roger Rabbit.
I'm saying Daffy Duck.
Daffy Duck? Yes.
Just like my spirit animal.
Zany.
Zany. My like my spirit animal. Yeah. Zany. Zany.
My man was zany.
Staying one step ahead of the hunters.
Like, he was just clowning Emerald Fudd.
Emerald Fudd was a guy.
We can talk about him, right?
That was a dude?
Yeah, he was a dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he was just like always.
Like, Daffy's just.
He was so funny, man.
Also, complex.
Because that's the thing complex
bugs bunny was always going to be bugs bunny but daffy based on the characters next to had to
behave a certain way yeah and he was angry about it daffy was he was simmering you know he's either
a complete loon or pissed off and i and i relate to that completely he had to deal with bugs bunny's
nonchalance you know bugs bunny Bugs Bunny never took anything seriously.
So Daffy Duck was like, went too far with things.
Yeah.
Because it's frustrating if nobody takes it seriously and it's all on your shoulders.
So he had to, yeah, there's a lot.
It's a very Laurel and Hardy kind of act they had going.
Yes, indeed.
Yes, indeed.
Also voiced by Mel Blanc, Daffy Duck.
One of the thousand voices.
What a, just to argue with yourself in different voices yeah it like in the same like i've done a little audio
recording and that seems like it would be nuts because you have to like you'd have to do all i
mean maybe they did them all at once maybe he did them all at once yeah i would like to do my own
voice and another voice and react to
them i'm like i don't i can't do this that would drive me nuts i bet mel blank had to have like a
big scotch at the end of the day you know oh yeah no you gotta unwind from that mrs blank knew he
had to have a half an hour and a big scotch and then
it was her husband. It's just the entire
time everyone knows a thousand voices but
no one knows the man.
Do you think he ever forgot
his voice?
He just couldn't find it
like he freaked out. He came home
stuck on Daffy.
He gets a phone call he just method acting
his voices all day that's awesome
like residents no i'm sorry he's stuck on daffy today
it's not a good day for mel you come back tomorrow you're getting back today
daffy's not your grandfather mel's your grandfather just remember
what do you mean you haven't gotten the check for the power bill doc
yeah Oh, man. I love it. Oh, that was...
Yeah, so Daffy Duff.
Daffy dressed in drag as well sometimes.
They all kind of did.
Daffy dressed like Carmen Miranda.
Yeah.
It was a lot of drag performance.
Oh, I'm just...
No, Daffy dressed like Carmen Electra.
Common mistake.
Daffy, when they got...
During World War II,
when, like, the Looney Tunes got got into propaganda Daffy was in some of those
World War II propaganda ones he hits
he hit Hitler in the head with a giant mallet
and Daffy the commando
because he does what needs to be done when it's time
to do it he outwit Hitler
Goebbels and Goering in a one called
Plain Daffy
see Airplane Daffy
that's the one I fell in love with.
And he got drafted
in Draftee Daffy.
He got dafted, actually.
He got dafted.
And then the 600th
Bombardment Squadron made him their emblem.
So they were like people
who flew bombers who had a
Daffy Duck emblem on their jacket.
Regular Daffy or Drag Daffy?
Regular Daffy. But they had a picture of Drag Daffy Duck emblem on their jacket. Regular Daffy or drag Daffy? Regular Daffy.
But they had a picture of a drag Daffy
hanging up in the cockpit.
Remember who you're doing it for, boys?
This is what we do it for.
Open the Bombay doors.
Bombay. Just in case anyone thinks Davidid's not on it by the way david has already sent me a youtube video to tank and the song is called emergency so that's the kind of friends we are thank you
that was early that was early that's actually that had nothing to do with the podcast i just
woke up and did that you just does he have a song called No Eye Contact?
Or is that just...
The emergency was that she made eye contact.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I've never looked at a woman before.
This is crazy.
I just want to reiterate, Daffy Duck, also very handsome.
People forget about that.
I don't know what kind of joke you're taking us in right now.
I'm just saying i just
i google image search and i'm looking him up and yeah daffy was handsome he had some straight up
dermot moroni good looks just some up and down every man good looks also suffering succotash
was what a great thing to say what a great thing to say like what does he mean but i still love it
i didn't know what succotash was an asshole? But I still love it. Succotash is food, right? Am I an asshole?
I think so.
It's food, right?
Yeah.
Succotash is food.
I don't know what kind of food.
Doesn't sound like food.
I just, it is, right?
The phrase is timeless.
The food is gross.
Seems like it'd be a slaw.
I'm looking up what succotash is.
What is succotash?
It's an American dish of corn and lima beans cooked together.
Yuck.
More like yuck-a-t yuck attach huh food in the past was
so ghetto what the hell's going on i mean it's like wartime food that's what you know
wartime food lima beans seem like a lot of work like apocalypse food post-war food though like
during the baby like baby boom that food was weird too man it was like hot dogs floating in aspic it was gross i made it i made a baby boom meal for some friends on friday night
i made meatloaf i made southern style green beans with like the bacon and stuff and then rolls and
mashed potatoes wow that's amazing very very 1955 kids i love meatloaf. I love Meat Loaf the food. I love Meat Loaf the singer.
We were just talking about it. It's really
underrated. Meat Loaf is great.
They need to bring back Meat Loaf sandwiches.
I was just going to say, if I see a Meat Loaf
sandwich on a menu, it gets got.
You throw a hard-boiled egg in that Meat Loaf
or you go traditional? I put two
eggs and then I put saltines to help bind
too. Nice.
I mean, did you put a floating hard-boiled egg in it?
You ever see that?
No, what are you talking about?
You can put a floating hard,
so you put a hard-boiled egg in the middle of the meatloaf
and then when you cut into it,
Oh, yeah.
It's like there's a little slice of hard-boiled egg in there.
I don't think it's as good, but visually,
if you want to wow your dinner guests,
I like to put an actual full uncooked egg in there and just get really into it.
Just let them know.
My problem is I had the bacon lattice on it, so I couldn't do it.
You put a bacon lattice on there?
Oh, yeah.
I got it in.
I got it in.
Damn, dude.
Yeah.
That was impressive.
The green beans were the heroes of the night, though.
I'm going to make those a lot.
It's so easy.
My meatloaf, I'll give you the secret ingredient
it's just the one instead of doing ketchup
I use sloppy joe sauce
oh shit
are those different sauces?
I had no idea
there's layers of flavor difference
between sloppy joe sauce and ketchup
my mom made a lot of stuff at home
she never made sloppy joes at home
i always thought it was school food yeah we had sloppy joes every halloween it is school food
it is school food it is school food for sure we had it every halloween which is risky to eat while
you wear your costume but we did it anyway yeah sloppy joes are good but every time they i'm done
with a sloppy joe i'm like oh that was they named it right because the other names for him there's like manwich but what is the east
coast what do they call it i think the thing is on the east coast in new jersey sloppy joes are
like a turkey sandwich i think that's the disambiguation there wait they call it another
name like a grumpy or something though or am i it's something there's something else poop yeah
that's not what bubba spark says it is what he said That's not what Bubba Sparks says.
It is what he said.
That's exactly what he said.
I thought he said he called his girls
Bettys and his shitties grumpies.
He shits grumpies.
I always thought he was talking
about his like,
I'm going to sound crass here, but I thought he was talking about
his side piece calling that girl
a shitty and that was a grumpy. You know, I'm going to see if he's on Cameo and he was talking about his side piece, calling that girl a shitty, and that was a grumpy.
I'm going to see if he's on Cameo and ask him
to send me a video to answer that question.
Oh my god, I hope he is.
You want me to fucking pass out?
If Bubba Sparks explained it to me?
Oh my gosh.
I bet this is the podcast where Bubba Sparks comes up the most.
I bet that.
I bet it is.
I'd love to meet the other podcast it would challenge that
information yeah it's actually it's surprisingly enough it's us in the read which is weird a lot
of people wouldn't think that i've always written for bud bubba sparks i think he had a lot more to
say i throw that i throw uh he was a good rap first two albums on every now and then i'll listen
to baba sparks oh man yeah i'm here for two days and came with something that truly matters yeah
that guy's great that's me talking you know yeah he said booty chatter what else do you want let's
be honest none of us will ever date a model i heard that line and i was like 12 like yeah man
thank you i am i just I just checked Cameo.
I see his profile.
And it doesn't look like I could purchase anything right now.
But I did click on notify me when available.
Okay.
I don't think Cameo is going to let me on.
I don't think they're going to let me do it.
I tried.
Yeah, they haven't got back to me.
It's been like a week.
Wow.
I stay doing Cameos.
When you drive down, you can do a bunch of these Cameos.
And we'll just cut,
we'll just cut up the profits,
dude.
Tight.
Good cameo.
Melissa.
Melissa Etheridge is on cameo.
So is Paul Abdul for a way.
I might buy my mom a Paul Abdul.
I'm going to get,
well,
my fuck,
my mom listens.
So now I have to give,
I'm going to give it to her.
I have to do it today.
Ernie Hudson.
She's never seen one.
That's a good one.
I've been calling her Sue Carmel.
My mom doesn't know what Cameo is,
I bet.
So she would still,
I could convince her that like,
I know the saxophone player from the Lost Boys and send her that video.
Oh, you should get her one. Be like, out we got coffee again me and daryl or whatever his
name is he's saying what's up why is trey song so much more expensive than jerry springer
sorry i gotta get off cameo tank was actually a private investor so he he's on there in a big way Tank's on there and he's in there
he's both
word up
back to Daffy Duck
so so Daff
so so Daff
my first pick
he's more of a recent talking animal he was a talking animal
in the books and then he was recently brought to life in cinema i gotta take paddington the bear
i knew you were you've been riding for paddington for a few months now it's been it's been a
paddington year for me it's been a year of terror uh calls for for as many comforts as possible and
i just find paddington the bear
to be one of the more comforting animals just one of the more comforting things
in the world he's sweet he he tries to see the best in everyone in everyone he interacts with
uh he he takes i mean he he's a one-man prison reform for one
i haven't seen two yet first it's crazy but i still haven't seen it
so you need to watch you gotta watch it this isn't really a spoiler well it is a little bit of a
spoiler a little bit just don't it's not gonna ruin the movie at all he goes to prison and just
like teach like by showing that if you treat prisoners as people and give them something to
believe in and like a sense of pride it turns everything around you know so he's a one man one bear he's a one bear prison reform thoughtful
give gives gifts remembers things about people in his neighborhood loves marmalade sandwiches
i can relate to that boy he loves marmalade sandwiches i'll tell you that well he's peruvian
which is not bolivia. No way.
Was he always Peruvian
or was that a thing that was added
because of the movies?
I think he was always Peruvian.
One of the parts that tells you
that this was a book from England
from earlier in the century
or the last century,
they say he's from darkest Peru,
which feels like a very
british thing yes that's a that's a way to put it yeah jesus that's buck they mean he's from the
peruvian jungle he's a bear from the peruvian jungle but because they're british they say
darkest peru and then they get like defensive if you bring up how that seems questionable
it's absurd it's like um what do you mean what do you mean what do i mean
it's dark there because of the trees that's what we mean because you know just the rainforest
just a dark place because the trees don't die oh come on it's because of the trees
which is wild because there's no trees in england and it's darker than
yeah it's darker than anywhere there's no trees in england is another tank song man he
got out there on his fourth studio album yeah but that's about that's about weed that's
he didn't like that they love hash he went to brixton and then he flew right back that was a
one-stop tour but like like Solomon said, Paddington
well-dressed. Looks beautiful.
Looks beautiful. It's him and the
polo, Ralph Lauren polo bear. And those are the
two best well-dressed bears in my opinion.
Also, did you know bitter enemies,
rivals. Well, of course they are, dude.
There's not a giant market for that.
So yeah, you gotta take what you can get.
The two of them were at Soho House on the same night once
and I was there too. And it was like, fuck it.
It was tense, dude.
It was wild.
Oh, no.
TMZ shut down that night.
Yeah, Tumblr's got thrown, dude.
It was crazy there.
You know, they're both Tara Reads X,
so that's what happens. oh my god
i love it i love it so much The corner just
dark Paddington dude.
He's walking with Paddington.
He's over there holding a half
full bottle of Hennessy like easy and straight
out of Compton like we can do it. It needs to
get done. It can get done.
Sean Jordan, time for your first and second
Talking Animals.
I'm going to have the hot corner in a minute. First pick is Mufasa.
That's a great one.
Say it again.
Mufasa.
Say it again. Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa.
Mufasa.
Yeah, man. Mufasa. Say it again. Mufasa, Mufasa, Mufasa. Yeah, man.
Mufasa's out here.
Very regal. Setting a good example.
Just an all-around good
person. That's what I'm shooting for.
Didn't really do much. We didn't talk to him
too much. You know, that's his main problem is that
he doesn't watch his back.
Yeah.
His only fault.
He trusted his brother. was his brother his brother was voiced by jeremy irons that should have been a dead giveaway
dead giveaway his brother was named scar
and they called everyone else is like mufasa and nala and simba they have these beautiful names
and then fucking scar of course he's gonna be bitter by the way he's gonna he's gonna get
revenge that is a name that says i'm getting revenge yeah he probably had a real name he
wasn't born scar oh no that was a nickname because Skur. Because he had the giant scar, you see. They call him Tufasa
because he was the younger one.
Tufasa
and Bufasa.
I knew his brothers
named Dovon and Jovon, so it was the same
kind of thing.
Bufasa is such a difference.
Or what if they actually did name him Skar and they were like, why did you call him that?
And they're like, wait for it.
He's rambunctious.
Because he loves that razor.
We can't tell our babies apart.
I got an idea.
Damn,
that's a dark,
that's a dark interpretation.
That is.
That's not an idea.
But also,
quick question about Mufasa
that I think is
a question to ask. And that I think is a question
to ask, and that's he also
Nala's dad.
You think Mufasa gets around
because he's the dude?
There's no other male in that pride.
No, there's not. That's a good point,
except for Simba.
So then the whole
Simba-Nala situation.
Whoa.
That's some Shakespearean level.
What if Scar was Nala's dad?
That's not the case.
I feel like we would have heard about that.
You don't think Nala's mom got a little tore up one night and went to the elephant graveyard looking for it?
Her name would have been Pockmark or something like that.
Her name wouldn't have been.
Look, I think Scar is an outcast because he was not familiar with women. I think that's why he's
out in the... Ah, yeah.
The old Disney.
I kind of thought that as
well.
Yeah.
He had a little flair, a little
drama. Yeah.
He was
hanging out with Whoopi Goldberg.
He's like hanging out with all the other outcasts.
He loved to sing.
Mufasa didn't sing ever.
Scar stayed singing.
Be Prepared is a drag queen number.
A whole number of shadows and lights.
Mufasa
Disney was really up to that shit
Yeah
All the villains were gay
They're all just like
Oh you don't like me? Well then I'm going to the woods
Then I'll be in the shadows where nobody can see
Jafar and his perfectly manicured facial hair
Yeah
Jafar was a Puerto Rican dude.
A lot of people don't talk about that.
Growing up in Portland, I knew a lot of Ursula the Sea Witches.
I was taught drama by an Ursula the Sea Witch at Portland State University.
I mean, she's an animal, right?
Nah, she's a sea witch, dude.
Yeah, she's a sea witch.
She could top you off like a lady. Yeah.
Oh, man.
Mufasa, your second pick, Sean.
I have such a long time before I get to go again
that I just got to take this because I don't want anyone else
to get it, but I'm going gonna pick Michelangelo of the Ninja
Turtles. Fuck, man! Shit!
That was a good one. I didn't want anyone
else to get in the universe, but yeah, I just
figured, yeah, he's my guy.
I can nunchuck.
I can skateboard. I like pizza.
Pizza. Yeah. Yeah, true.
You are a Michelangelo.
I am the closest to it
that most of my friends know for damn sure
can we open discussion to all
Ninja Turtles now?
I think I don't know
I'm not going to pick another turtle
I was going to take Michelangelo I had him on the list
but growing up my favorite was Raphael
and I am more of a Raphael
I'm also I have to agree Raphael
was my number one
didn't want to do what he was told which is
already there and kind of kind of sarcastic yes cool ass weapon michelangelo was real like
chill and good vibey he was the one who was always like come on can we just like isn't it cool i like
donatello he was purple and he laid in the cut he He was a scientist too. Yeah, he just had a big stick.
I just love the color red.
It's a good color.
That was my thing too.
Red was my favorite color.
So I picked Raphael.
Not mine, but that's who they're going to pick.
You're wearing red right now.
Oh, I see, I see, I see.
I was a cripple.
I mean, I liked them all.
I don't really think I had a favorite until i started taekwondo
and then i got into the nunchucks and i was like well clearly i have to pick because that was like
when we were picking the weapon you were gonna like learn that was kind of what it was for all
the kids that i was with it's like which ninja turtle i don't know which one do you want to be
like because that's what's going on right now so really see that's why i didn't know which one do you want to be like, because that's what's going on right now. Really? See, that's why I didn't know you majored in nunchuck in Taekwondo.
I didn't know you picked that.
I thought it just came to you.
Yeah, you picked.
We didn't have access to, like, heavy size,
so nobody really wanted to pick the size,
because the ones we had were real weak and, like, plastic.
But we had, like, I think it's called a shinae sword,
which is like the bamboo katana.
And then we had bo staffs and nunchucks.
And I was like, well, nunchucks look the dopest.
And they're, I don't know.
See, for me, I picked something else because nunchucks can hurt you.
And that's where I...
Also, I like the bo staff because that's just, I could pick one of those up in an alley.
It's so cumbersome, though.
It's like, where are you going to bring that with you?
Where are you going to, you can't, you know, nunchucks, you can take them out.
You just find a broom handle somewhere and become a bo staff. That's what I exactly that's a scene coming to america i don't think it works just like that
but that's also the best part of every movie is when they break off a broomstick and use it as a
yeah when they did that in little women when they did that in little women that's when i was like
this is the best picture dude you just gotta see the director's cut of me making nunchucks
in casino where i'm just like, hold on.
Hold on.
Stay right there.
Stay the fuck where you're at.
What do you even do?
Tie two cucumbers together if you're in a restaurant and the fight breaks out?
You got to weld.
It's a whole thing.
But you just stay the fuck where you're at.
And in like a couple hours, as soon as the metal dries, I'm going to come over there with my nunchucks.
You got to hope there's a string of sausages or a rotary telephone.
I only fight in delis.
A shoelace and two
butter knives, bro. I'm out here.
I don't know how well that would work.
Michelangelo, though. I just had to get
a Ninja Turtle.
You're a fucking Michelangelo.
Have you ever dressed like Michelangelo for Halloween?
Twice. Just this last year,
I dressed like him for real.
Five years ago and then this last year laura and i took on unknowingly took almost the exact same photo of each other because we were just we were dressed exactly the same as
we were it was at uh whatever wedding we were at they had the after the the whatever the gen
allen yeah when we were at funhouse i I was dressed like Michelangelo that night.
And then just this last year.
He was orange, right?
Yeah, he was orange.
And I had an orange bandizzle that I cut the eyes out of.
A bandizzle?
I looked pretty dang.
I was like, I'm not going to lie.
I was out there straight up dressing like Michelangelo.
McGeezy.
Oh, man.
I gotta go.
Okay.
Oh, Ian's taking off.
I gotta get out of here.
Alright, what do you got,
Cartwheel? With my second
pick, I gotta take a
talking animal known for
leadership, compassion,
a lover,
not a fighter.
Bill Belichick?
It's Bill Belichick.
A lover, not a fighter. Someone who
understands what it's like being green. I got to take
Kermit the Frog.
Fantastic. Can you do it, Kermit?
I have trouble doing it. Kermit the do a kermit i can't i have trouble doing it kind of kermit
the frog hi ho kermit the frog here this is kermit the frog okay that was that was good
that was a really good one let's try not to say any other pics while we're in this universe huh
just someday we'll find it the rainbow connection a. That was good. That was really good. That was good.
Oh, man.
I just love, I love the Muppet movies, dude.
You know who we can say who ironically isn't pickable is Animal, who you couldn't take.
No.
Even though his name is Animal.
Yeah.
But he also, no one understands what he's saying, so can you consider that talking?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
He just yells, he just yells Animal. And he's a drum slave. That's my talking? Yeah, I don't think so. He just yells.
He just yells animal.
And he's a drum slave.
That's my thing.
That's what I love about them up at some of them.
You're like,
how,
what animal are you like?
Scooter?
What are you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're like,
I think you were just a creation one night.
What about like Beakman?
I don't know. I think those are supposed to be guys.
I think they're supposed to be just normal.
Like they're,
like there's,
Janet, Janice, Janice. Yeah. I think they just supposed to be guys. I think they're supposed to be just normal. Like they're Janice.
Janice.
They wanted you to know the references, Janice.
She is and she's Janice
Joplin, right? Basically, yeah. She's got like
Oh, she's like really yippy
dippy.
I never put that together.
I never put that together at all. That's pretty tight.
That's hilarious.
They were just like every character was either I never put that together at all. That's pretty tight. That's hilarious. Yeah. It's fun.
They were just like, every character was either named after someone they did drugs with
or while they were doing drugs.
It was like how every...
They were either so high
they were like, what if it's a talking frog?
Or what if it's this person I'm getting really high with?
Or my friend Scott.
We call him Animal.
RIP to Scott, Animal Dawkins. Or my friend Janice we call my friend scott r.i.p to scott animal docking or my
friend janice who just came back from acapulco with some like hash strap to her leg
yeah kermit the frog i just fucking love him i just watched uh muppet christmas carol over
the holidays he's fantastic in that he's great in all the in all the muppet movies i just love
him man he's iconic He's approachable
Him and Bugs are like the most
Iconic I think talking animal
When I was thinking about all this I think they're the first
I think there's a more iconic talking animal
Who none of us have taken but I think he's probably
Kind of a sucker in my opinion
But also
One of the greatest memes of all time
Is Kermit the Frog sipping tea
That is That one did get big But also, one of the greatest memes of all time is Kermit the Frog sipping tea.
That is... Sipping tea.
That one did get big.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's still going around.
I say that for the old man.
None of my business.
That was a big meme.
In the early days of the internet.
That one blew up.
Back when we had steam power, internet connection.
You had to prime the modem it was called blue light and we got it from kmart in my day we had uh aol cds that gave us free hours you would you would print out you would
print it out and then you would you would take it and you would sit it down and you would show it to your family and you'd say, have you seen this Lara Craft character?
She's got gigantic breasts.
They're huge.
What do you even do with it?
I'm supposed to expect that she goes into caves
with those breasts?
Do they get caught on a stalactite or a stalagmite and she dies?
Sounded like an Adam Sandler character.
It was pretty, that was dope.
Oh, man.
Yeah, dude.
Kermit the Frog.
Kermit the Frog.
Second pick.
David Borey, time for you a second pick.
My second pick is, this one is more from the heart.
It's not going to be as big, but I don't care.
Yeah.
You hear me, AF female Kuiper?
I don't give a shit.
He hears you. He's in our heads. He's in our heads. He's nothing but ears,'t care. You hear me, AF female Kuiper? I don't give a shit. He's in our heads.
He's nothing but ears, that guy.
No, I'm taking
Dodger from Oliver and Company.
Damn.
He was the coolest.
He wore Ray-Bans.
He had that song about not giving a fuck.
Do you remember that?
What should I worry?
He had street savoir- it was he was i've never
heard of i've never heard of any of this i don't know what you're talking about you're a fucking
idiot sorry bro geez you ever seen oliver and company no what am i lying do you guys know i've
never all the company is kind of a it's a pre it's a pre uh 90s p yeah it's like a really disney movie it was like
right before oh is it is it like is it real are they really it's a cartoon it's an animated one
but it's like billy joel is one of the uh voices in the soundtrack yeah it's yeah it's uh it's
oliver twist no but with the artful dodger oh that sounds dope you never heard the song once upon a time in new york city
no but i believe billy joel sang it but no i haven't the soundtrack to that movie the dog
just steals these sausages and then rips this song about how he doesn't give a fuck about anything
yeah dude see i think what happened is oliver came out and then all dogs go to heaven came out not
too far afterwards and everyone just forgot
about Oliver. I definitely remember
that. I think All Dogs Go to Heaven
is the inferior movie and I'll stand behind that
forever
and ever. Especially since the
title is a lie. I know some dogs that aren't going to heaven
I'll tell you that for sure. Most dogs
where my dogs at? Hell
I don't know a lot of dogs that are going to heaven
Dodger was voiced by billy joel and he was cool as fuck dude yeah from the bowery to
saint mark's he's got street sample up there yeah i remember all the words
tom deluise is in this movie it's's fucking fucking Cheech Marin is in that movie.
He says, yeah, he says, it's hard to see anything when you're getting barbecued, man.
That movie is incredible.
That movie is incredible.
And Dodger was the coolest.
He was a dog that wore sunglasses and a bandana.
Yeah.
Explain that.
Yeah.
Tell me how that's not great.
No, it sounds dope.
You and the queen should watch it.
Yeah.
You guys should watch it yeah i you guys should watch it there's another i'll tell you at the end but there's another thing i have to watch that
could potentially be a pick that i've never seen which he just like almost like stopped everything
and put it on immediately i'll tell you wow if you have disney plus you should go watch all of
her company immediately okay i will so yeah dodger Dodger from Oliver and Company. That's my favorite. That's a great pick.
Solomon, time for your second and
third picks. Look, if we're going to go from the heart,
then I'm going to go and choose a
pop idol, a moment
in time. No one
can come close to this guy.
It's Powerline from A Goofy Movie.
Oh, shit.
Voiced by Tevin Campbell.
Powerline is coming. Tevin Campbellvin campbell voice yes he said eye
to eye are you are you fucking kidding me sean we've been friends for five oh it really hurts
my feelings that you didn't know that i think we've talked about this before fucked up i think
we've talked about it before on here it is fucked up. Yeah, man. It is fucked up. Myself in the ocean.
It's a great song.
It's very,
it's straightforward
R&B pop
and it is.
Yeah, man.
It has the least amount
of screen time
but yet stole the whole movie.
Makes the most out of it though.
Yes.
But it comes in
and heats up
and then leaves.
He's the microwave.
He's the opposite of tank.
If we look into
each other's eyes
we're never too
far apart.
Oh, man. The first
time he sang that, Tank probably stopped whatever he was
doing. He's like, something's wrong.
He didn't understand. Tank threw
down the disc when he was listening to it.
Also, the design
was like years
after MC Hammer was done with
but yet it's still
like every like I like it's like he's
wearing the hammer pants and the flat top
still still cool it was still cool
yeah it was no power line man
that's a great pic man
he was so fucking great
shit that movie
rocked my shit
I haven't seen a goofy movie in like a
long time like not not since it came out i think go back go back all i remember is that was the
leaning tower of chisa oh yeah probably sure yeah i gotta go back i gotta go back it was weird like
speaking of characters being black it was was interesting. Goofy, up until that point, was probably the least black Disney character.
No, I thought he was black on Goof Troop.
Yeah.
You think?
Oh, before Goof.
But he was like, gorsh.
No, he talked like Gomer Pyle.
But do you remember the song from Goof Troop?
That was very black.
No, I don't.
Maybe.
Best us live forever.
Now we're calling everyone.
Come along and join the fun.
And then.
Shibbity bop, bopity bop.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
Goof Troop sort of settled him being a black father.
It was Goof Troop is when it happened.
Yeah.
That's when I started thinking he was black.
Yeah.
Okay.
We went down a Disney theme song rabbit hole the other day.
They were fucking hitting it back then.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Dude. God. On fire., God. Did you guys hit
Tailspin? Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Tailspin was cool.
I think Darkwing Duck will always be right up there.
Oh, Darkwing Duck.
Let's get dangerous.
I remember the premiere of that
show. I remember watching that being like, this
is dope. Like the actual first episode. He was remember watching that being like, this is dope.
Like the actual first episode.
He was also black, right?
Oh, hands down.
It was all purple.
Yeah.
No one wears that outfit.
Yeah.
The duck was white, but the soul was black.
Oh, yeah.
It's like a John B situation.
I understand.
it's like a it's like a john b situation i understand fucking chip and dale too that one goes that was yeah
when there's danger yeah
so those bands went so hard how did none of those bands also have
they should have had like another hit. Like if the song Chippendale,
you just changed the lyrics and it's about like dating a woman who wears
blazers with shoulder pads.
Like that would have hit the nineties.
Or just like a,
like a,
like her fragrance or like,
yeah.
You know what I mean?
I can't think of it right now.
You know what I mean?
But,
but,
but blue clan trout.
Blue clan trout. You know what I mean? But, but, but, Blue Claw and Trout. Blue Claw and Trout.
This is the writer's room.
We're pitching stuff.
Oh, my God.
You don't really have to change any of the other lyrics, man.
You don't have to.
Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, have to blue blue blue blue can't pray when there's danger oh man oh man and i oh power line excellent pick time for your uh time for your third pick so that's gonna be an easy this is the counterpart to uh kermit the frog and that would be miss piggy yeah yeah as soon as you
said yeah as soon as you said kermit somebody had to take her yeah she's so funny dude she was so
funny and just just beating up dudes all the every you know when a shitty guy shows up in a
movie you're gonna like you're getting your ass kicked by miss piggy yeah yeah she's gonna karate by Miss Piggy. Yeah. Yeah. She's going to karate chop some people.
Jack's got the best Miss Piggy.
It's so good.
Jack's got a good Miss Piggy.
Oh, Kermie. Oh, Kermie.
Where is she?
Where is she from?
Miss Piggy.
Who knows?
She's a model.
She's,
she's,
she's a book and busy.
She's a fashion designer. She's an artist. She's like, she's, she's a book and busy. She's a fashion designer.
She's an artist.
She's like,
she's,
she literally is Barbie,
but as a pig and it is,
I think she's from Ibiza.
Ibiza.
Ibiza.
I feel like she comes from money.
I feel like Miss Piggy comes from money.
Really?
I always thought she was from Queens and she got it out the mud.
See,
here's the thing.
Oh really?
I think I just,
I just thought that though.
I don't know why I think that.
I feel like Miss Piggy is a kind of character that
grew up rich and is also self-made.
Like, that's the kind of...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's a heavyset woman
who's a pig thriving as a model
in the fashion industry.
Breaking barriers. Even if she came up rich
in Connecticut with several other
rich pigs,
she still had to claw claw way to the top.
That's my personal
backstory for her.
That is the rich pigs part. It doesn't
matter if it's animated or not. It sounds so
funny to me.
It's tough calling someone a
pig. It's like,
that'll really get me going.
Zach used to be like, I'd bring Taco Bell
and he's like, eat your food, you pig.
I'd be like, I'm fucking mad at you, dude.
That's why to this day,
I've never been a Charlotte's Web fan.
So that bitch just wrote some pig on a web
and everyone's like, this is a compliment.
Some pig.
Yeah, that's a fucking brutal.
If I woke up with that spider webbed over my bed,
I'd have to fucking go to therapy immediately.
There's written in lipstick on your mirror and you're like, well, all right, I got to move out now.
I got Charlotte's web.
You know, at the end, you got to have me as you died in the book.
It's like, good.
Some pig.
I'm glad your children never get to meet you.
Oh, man.
She's fucking cold.
She's an alcoholic. She's a fucking
monster. And I've had people explain to me
like, no, it means like some like wonderful
pig. I'm like, you know what?
This is text, okay? I'm not gonna
assume infliction, okay?
Just say
some pig on it.
No punctuation.
Just said some pig on it No punctuation
Meanwhile there's a binge eating rat right there
Some pig
No comment about him
Oh that's dope
He's eating out of the trash
You know what I'll tell you
Just as many words as some
Good
Oh man out of the trash you know what i'll tell you just as many words as some good fucking some pig oh that's funny
though man miss piggy is a fucking iconic character she's a great she's an amazing
absolutely yeah david time for your third pick. My third pick.
Gosh, this is really harder than I thought it was going to be.
Oh, I want to take a real animal.
Is that okay?
Yeah, I think so.
Can I take Batyr, the Kazakhstani elephant, rumored to have said up to 20 phrases?
What?
You can talk us through it absolutely
it's an elephant from kazakhstan uh died in 1993 and they said it knew about 20 phrases
what were some of the phrases let me hold them or it understood them let me pull them up i'll put
i'll put the thing in the group chat like did you even have to stretch that far you could have
gone for coco the gorilla.
Could that gorilla talk?
I mean, sign language is talking.
Oh, well, fuck, man.
I thought we were talking about talking.
Yeah, that's talking.
It's commuted talking.
I'm not saying that people who do sign language aren't talking.
I just got confused.
I meant like audio.
Of course.
Yeah, he's on a stamp.
David, why'd you put a picture of a butthole
in the group chat?
That was one time.
It's your butthole. It says right on there, my butthole.
That was not one time.
Just to be clear.
Was it not one time?
It is rare, but it's happened a couple times.
It's funny every time. It's well-timed. It is rare, but it's having a couple times. It's funny every time.
It's well-timed.
It's always great. I keep forgetting that
Kazakhstan used to be part of
USSR. I didn't. Yeah, back
in the USSR.
Batyr, whose name is a Turkic
word meaning dashing equestrian,
was first alleged to speak just
before New Year's Day in the winter of 1977
when he was seven years old.
Zoo employees were the first to notice his speech, but he soon delighted zoo goers at large
by appearing to ask his attendance for water and regularly praising or infrequently chastising himself.
By 1979, his fame as the speaking elephant had spread in the wake of various mass media stories about his abilities,
many containing considerable fabrication and wild conjecture.
Boutier's case was also included in several books on animal behavior
and in the proceedings of several scientific conferences.
Are you going to read the whole Wikipedia?
Yeah, really.
Get louder as I'm going.
I'm just giving you.
Oh, I'm sorry, Sean.
Some of us can read out loud.
I choose not to, David.
Yeah, that's what it is.
Oh, you were that kid. I choose not to, David. Oh, you were that kid?
I choose not to.
And I chose to piss my pants when you asked.
I was that kid that got mad at you.
Choice yes.
I was that kid that was breathing heavily in sighs.
It says biography!
Just get over it!
It's like, ugh.
I loved
reading out loud
I still hate it I am terrible
at it I get so embarrassed
built a career around it
poor Batyr
first of all they say an overdose of
soporific drugs
it went bad for him they accidentally gave him
too many pills
it sounds what was just euthanization but it's like why did you say it like that
no they did they did it on accident oh it was an accident dashing equestrian is that what you said
yeah yeah yeah how do you give an elephant too much drugs you are on too much drugs that's crazy
yeah you're doing some of the elephant drug yeah you were
like me it's like you're like you want to split one of these you go i don't want to give the
elephant too much i'm gonna take one real quick and then you give the elephant too much is it
like is it like a ketamine sort of situation i don't know what it is special k bro you're
a little bit for me a whole lot of bit for you.
He can count up to three.
He knew the Russian curse word for penis.
He could say good, bad, bad, but tear.
Go.
Now I'm just imagining a giant key shovel.
I think I know the Russian curse word for penis.
I think it's piska.
Did he know the words for more drugs? Because I think that know the Russian curse word for penis. I think it's piska. Did he know the words for more drugs?
Because I think that's...
He knew the eye contact
for more drugs.
An elephant on cocaine is a terrifying prospect.
That made my heart stop a little bit.
Holy shit.
Oh, God.
That's code like he's chastising the zoo goers again.
That means he had too much coke and they don't want to say it.
He's just yelling penis.
Oh, but tears and a moon.
He doesn't go on a rampage. He just tells the same story
over and over again and tries to make plans
to go to Puerto Vallarta with him.
Smokes a cigarette
out of his trunk.
We could go tomorrow.
Tickets are only like $200 more than they are three weeks out.
Ashton Kutcher came to his birthday party one year and he just keeps telling you about it.
Yeah, this is the most interesting actually talking animal I could find.
That's hilarious.
Because I thought that here
yeah it was a weird pick but i stayed behind i love it excellent pick uh time for my third pick
with my third pick i gotta take him he's still here i'm taking baloo from the jungle book
i thought you were taking that first he's come up a lot for you jungle book he's he's one of my
tailspin all over the place i. His career has spanned decades.
He's back again in the other Jungle Book.
I'm taking the original Baloo, though.
Just like a fucking vibe.
I think, like, at my best,
I try to resemble Baloo in mannerism.
Shaking up against trees.
Just scratching my back on trees,
eating prickly pears.
Yeah.
That's the original Hakuna Matata
is Bare Necessities. It's the original Hakuna Matata is bare necessities.
It's the original dude from The Big Lebowski.
The Big Lebowski is, I mean, the dude has to be based on Baloo.
The dude, Baloo.
Yeah, at least aspects of his personality.
Also, another thing people don't talk about Baloo, quite the ladies man.
Quite the ladies man.
You could absolutely see him like hooking up did you see did you
see his girlfriend on tailspin that was a kevin james leah remini situation absolutely
like i feel i feel like that happens a lot in disney films where i'm like she can do better
yeah yeah yeah yeah blue is a big man icon he's he's he's one of the big man icons
him shack biggie but he's biggie before biggie dude you know i knew blue from tailspin before
the jungle book i never really saw the jungle book when i was a kid and i didn't really
know who blue was until tailspin because the jungle book is that generation yeah i love jungle
book is my favorite movie i fucking it. I might have seen it.
I just didn't put it together.
Maybe I bet I saw it and just didn't really think that that was the same.
Also Robin Hood.
He gets a nice little, he gets a, he plays a, what does he play again?
Robin, the Robin Hood cartoon.
Oh, he's a, he's a little John.
Oh, he's a little John, isn't he?
That's right.
Yeah. Right. Yeah!
That's right.
Yeah.
There it is.
Had to do it.
He gets to cross into other forms of literature.
That's the power Baloo had.
Sean, time for your third and fourth picks.
Third pick, I am going to pick rocket raccoon from guardians of
the galaxy okay oh yeah nice modern pick yeah bradley cooper's voice i'm a big fan of any
animal that seems like he smokes cigarettes yeah yeah yeah the kind of animal that would have a
good time in vegas you know yeah it just seemed like that seems like he owes somebody money
somehow even though he's an animal yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean that's like a bulk of the movie he's like there there's like a han solo
but a little raccoon instead yeah he's a dope pilot he's real brassy real saucy and uh yeah
and it's bradley cooper i found a way to sneak bradley cooper in there which i'm thrilled about
the coops dude i love when people think he's cute like when people are like oh isn't one of
the doesn't like one of the characters like characters think he's a really cute raccoon
And he gets real mad about it
Yeah he gets mad
Because he's a guy
Yeah
I think it's super dank
I like the attitude
And he just seems like he'd be fun to kick it with
Good little session
He's the only animal on here with a gun
Yeah so far He's always down to
ride sometimes bugs gets his hands on a gun but like it's not his gun yeah so he says a lot of
people say it ain't their gun i'm holding it for elmer fudd it's my friend's gun that's why it's in
my locker yeah a few of those kids why'd you get suspended i had jason's gun in my locker i don't i mean
whatever was jason's guns or was it your dad's dark got real dark nothing funny about that stuff
it's okay oh man uh rock a raccoon dude yeah all right fourth pick yeah right to me right yeah um mr ed all right
yeah the og i used to watch when i was little nick and i don't know why but i watched nick at
night like crazy and like so all those should like donna reed and like all that my three sons
all that shit but mr ed was the one where i like, this is actually kind of for a kid.
This isn't some weird adult show that I'm watching,
even though I'm five.
This is for a child.
Also a great theme song.
My Three Sons was your sect of the Crips, right?
Your local branch?
Is that what you guys called yourselves?
Yeah, man.
Me and Taz.
See, I was a part of the Petticoat Junction.
Six Taz and Blue. That what that's we were blue acres
six taz and blue we were the my three sons dude
david's face is just stuck like what
on this day i remember i loved it
mr ed i gotta stay focused on Mr. Ed.
What were the plot lines in Mr. Ed ever?
Because he was just a horse stuck in a kitchen, right?
Really?
It was a horse.
He was in.
He had a stable, but he was always in the stable and Wilbur would come out.
Mr. Ed was like the Wilson.
Oh, he had a stable that he lived.
Okay.
Yeah.
So the horse was in his backyard, kind of like Wilson in Home Improvement.
He would just come out and like spill his guts to the horse and the horse was in his backyard, kind of like Wilson in Home Improvement. He would just come out and spill his guts to the horse,
and the horse would just understand and give him
that sage advice, and then
he would fix the problem. Whatever.
I can't remember a single storyline, but
my son got a D or some shit like that.
It's a great theme song, though.
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless the horse is
misdirected.
A horse is a horse, of course,
of course, and no one can talk to a horse
of course, unless, of course, it's a
talking horse like the famous Mr.
Ed. I think.
That was the full version?
I think so, I think.
I think that is exactly what he did.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's correct,
but a horse is a horse.
Let me just check real quick.
Let me
hit it pitch perfect.
Filming television!
That would have been...
You're like, Solomon, don't you massacre that theme song?
Here's how it goes.
It might have been.
It might have been.
And then I rep all of the shiznit too.
Yeah, man. Mr. Ed.
Yeah, they made him talk with peanut butter, right?
That's how they did it? Oh, I never knew that.
I don't know. I guess I wondered how they
put it all gumball. Yeah, because it gets stuck in their mouth
and they're like, what's going on? So they go
like that. Oh, I thought it was
because they put peanut butter in their finger and then shoved it up
to his ass.
What?
There you go, Pericles.
The horse always has a different name.
I talk every time that happens to me.
Yeah.
Wilbur.
Just giving advice.
Mr. Ed, great pick. time for my fourth pick oh let's see i'm gonna take him i'll take the i'll take the icon i kind of shit talked to him earlier but i think this is the right i'm gonna take mickey
mouse ah oh yeah oh hi sean can you stop coming we're talking about mickey mouse no i can't david oh
he kind of fell up mickey mouse kind of fell back into us into a ceo position over there at disney
yeah he used to be he used to be in all sorts of shit you know he was in like of course steamboat
mickey early on and then a lot of those like disney cartoons the jack and the beanstalk one
you know the him like there's the one him driving to work and all that shit and then kind of fell
back and then just became kind of an icon you know he's a mogul he's the only talking animal
who's become a mogul he's one of those stand-ups who quit doing stand-up you know yeah yeah he's
like he's gerard carmichael dude he's like's like, now he's getting one. He's making, he's helping his friends out, you know?
Yeah, no, Mickey Mouse produced Jesus,
the Black Messiah movie.
If he shows up to the lunch,
you know you're getting the deal.
No, I don't know.
I just know the Lucas Brothers wrote it.
Very excited for it either way.
The Lucas Brothers are in that?
No, no, no, they wrote it.
They wrote it.
They wrote it.
I didn't know that.
I just saw the trailer the other day.
The Lucas Brothers wrote that?
Yeah.
Holy shit. Yeah. I was already excited the other day yeah holy shit yeah yeah yeah yeah no they yeah they wrote it anyways did you see the that south park pandemic special with mickey mouse in it
i oh yeah i advertised it a bunch of times i bet you did yeah
so he has a general
idea of what it's about.
Yeah, I know exactly when it came on.
He knows it's coming up after the Daily Show.
Yeah.
That's so tight.
Yeah, Mickey Mouse, more of a vibe
than anything these days.
Absolutely.
But yeah, take a Mickey Mouse. Not a lot to say.
David, time for your fourth pick.
than a character. But yeah, take a Mickey Mouse.
Not a lot to say. David, time for your fourth pick.
I'm gonna...
We're doing five picks, right?
Yeah, we'll do a lightning round. Okay, Roger Rabbit.
Okay.
You said him earlier and I was like, damn it.
Roger Rabbit's fantastic.
Who framed him? That's my question.
Also, Loki, that movie's brilliant because
the undercurrent plot is how...
It's about the labor dispute, right?
Yeah, and the entire company's fucking over
public transportation in Los Angeles.
And then they go to Toontown.
Also, I didn't realize that Patty Cake was fucking.
I've talked about this before, but...
You didn't?
When you look at...
Well, because I was a kid,
but when you look at it as an adult...
I also was a kid and I knew that.
Well, you were different kids, man.
Yeah, you were in a gang. You in a gang no like if you you look in that he looks in the
window and essentially sees his wife having sex with someone of course he's gonna go a little
crazy i mean that yeah yeah i was always in my mind i was like who gives a shit if he's playing
patty cake but especially in the movie the way they did it was so sensual yeah yeah but as a
kid you're playing patty cake with everybody
you know i'm still playing patty cake with my aunt my mom you know what i mean my teacher
you keep it on the low because i'm involved but i'm out there playing patty cake no big deal
that teacher thing is a genre yeah that is it's a it's a tab you could click
that would have been the fun the fun era of hollywood i've always that like what was that like the late 50s probably
the golden era would have been real they were trying to emulate system yeah i think it was
like the 50s 60s i just love that roger rabbit could not resist a good bit like he couldn't
not do shave in a haircut yeah yeah like that was brutal too when they're just murdering like
the dip when they just put that little shoe in there and you're like yeah like that was brutal too when they're just murdering like the dip when
they just put that little shoe in there and you're like oh yeah that's lean the dip was lean it's
about the effects of lean on children the movie's really about ugk yeah that shoe was that shoe was
little wayne's stomach yeah yeah yeah yeah and rk maroon was pimpsy and honestly if you can get on the soft side of ed asner right yeah that movie was fantastic
i just love he's a consummate he's a consummate funny man and i really appreciate that roger i
love what comedians used to be you know like what like they were like roger rabbit roger
was just based on like a funny man a comedian you know what i mean like yeah exactly always
doing a bit always i love don't get me wrong i love stand-up now but i loved when we were like
more sticky and less philosophers you know i yeah i have a whole bit about how stand-up comedy is
the kids pop of philosophy yeah like um gosh uh i miss my big bow tie. It's been a long time.
I miss my disappearing ink.
I got a fucking closet full of Buzz and Handshake things, you know?
I can't pull those out.
I can't take those to the store.
What am I going to do with these giant shoes?
Roger Rabbit, great pick.
Sal, in time for your fourth pick and then your final pick. I'm very excited about these last two picks.
I know for a fact
that they're both black.
A hundred percent.
First one is Donkey
from Shrek.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
He's making pancakes.
He fucked a dragon.
Okay.
He did fuck a dragon.
He fucked a dragon.
Yeah.
Wow.
Donkey
fucked a dragon
and that in itself is why he's high on my list yeah i get that yeah
it's so dude he's so funny still i love donkey one of eddie murphy's best late performances
i just oh so animated it's so yeah i love i love and i think uh i'm gonna go with my last one
uh and honestly let's we we've all known he's black for the whole time
and that is Tigger
from Winnie the Pooh
oh
T-I double gutter
the wonderful thing about Tigger is
Tigger's a wonderful thing
just wants to bounce
she just wants to bounce that's kind of she just wants a biz ounce uh yeah oh man it's it's it's
a dangerous name for children to say multiple times it's that's why i loved it yeah i had the
uh the disney shirt the striped disney shirt that had tigger stitched in yeah and uh i don't know
if you guys remember those they were very popular among gang members for a minute
and I had one
he's a quintessential character
especially
in the black community
it's Tweety Bird, Tigger
Tasmanian Devil
you gotta
yeah how did Tweety Bird get so on
it's just something about him
he's small
and a sylvester would be considered the more the one but we were like no no no no wait is tweety a
boy i think tweety's a boy yeah oh i didn't know that you see tweety bird dressed as a girl all
the time maybe there must have been like a tweety bird look let's not let's not gender tweety bird
tweety bird is tweety bird tweety bird is out there tweety bird Bird. Tweety Bird is Tweety Bird. Tweety Bird is Tweety Bird.
Tweety Bird is out there.
Tweety Bird is a sassy motherfucker, too.
And a snitch.
Like the way Tweety Bird...
And a snitch.
Harsh.
His name is what you call a snitch.
Yeah.
Tweety Bird often dresses like a
like a
Puerto Rican woman in the Bronx
you see Tweety Bird portrayed like that
with like big hoop earrings and lipstick
and like a denim jacket
circle sunglasses
just living their lives
honestly I love the sunglasses
that are always like down here and tiny yeah under the eyes on the nose and just like
they're just there so twitty can look over them like at you like yeah
this is the only that i want quarantine to be over so i can go to a swap meet get myself a bootleg
bootleg shirt i just need they're just a black bart simpson i just need yeah man bring that back
we're gonna make post pandemic like the roaring 20s but with bootleg cartoon merchandise yes well
that's the word is it's gonna be like the roaring 20s because everyone's gonna be so stoked to do
shit and uh i'm i'm here for it give me give me that give me that life it's the 20s i'm ready to roar david your final pick
uh final pick uh this is just the one that i'm the most attracted to and she was super cool uh
came out in space jam never forgot about her i'm picking lola bunny oh yeah oh yeah she was
cooler than bugs who does that who can do that let's calm down all down she was that's why Bugs lost
Bugs lost his shit he couldn't even hang
because she was so cool
he was intimidated
that was acting
that wasn't a documentary David
I don't know what you thought
I don't know what you
it's just acting
when the cameras were off
much different story
I felt the same way as Bugs did
I thought she was cool ass
and she could hoop
Bugs was hooking up with Tara Reid during that time
so once the cameras were off it was a whole different story
don't tell Paddington
don't tell Paddington
he'd lose a fight to Bugs
I don't want that yeah no no paddington no
bugs keeps that thing on him he'll take that beating though
yeah bugs been hit in the face who cares time for my final pick and i'm going to take i gotta
take my my favorite talking animal from my late childhood early teen years i was a people may not believe this now but
i was a pretty quiet withdrawn and sullen maybe even depressed kid in my like early teens uh like
many of us are i'm taking eeyore dude oh yeah he was so sad he was so sad sour at the party
not that anyone cares he showed up every time just to be sad.
Yeah, he showed up.
He showed up to be depressed at your party.
He lost his tail all the time.
That sure is a good time.
With Eeyore, it was cute.
But it's like a thing that a lot of people manifested that persona from him.
And they just show up sad to a party.
And I'm like, why are you here?
I hate when that happens.
Especially in the Northwest.
It happened all the time.
All the time!
All the time!
It was like,
oh my God,
how did you even put on clothes?
Derek is still outside
smoking in the rain still
in like a fucking,
oh my God.
There's a famous photo,
I can't remember what it was,
but somebody took a photo
of somebody that dragged a chair
at a concert
and sat down on it and was crying in the middle of a concert.
What is happening?
Eeyore I love.
I was not allowed.
Sean, you were in a gang, so you'll appreciate this.
I was not allowed.
I showed up in between fifth and sixth grade,
so in between grade school and middle school.
We went to Disneyland, and I bought a Winnie the Poohoh hat which i hope you weren't about to say winnie the
pooh sorry they wouldn't let you because i loved it because like my mom and i would read winnie the
pooh uh shout out to saint sue carmel and they wouldn't let me wear it to school because you
couldn't wear a hat because of possible gang affiliations and i was like this is 100 acre
wood on the back of it that's a white supremacist gang
100 acre wood
it's short for
100 acre pecker wood
that's real
that's real
I wouldn't put
past white supremacist
Sean time for your final pick the final pick of the draft I want to put past white supremacist.
Sean, time for your final pick.
The final pick of the draft.
I'm going to pick Ren from Ren and Stimpy. Ren, I believe it's...
Hook?
Or Hook?
I can't remember exactly.
Hook?
H-U-E?
Like Swedish E?
K?
Something Dutch, dude.
I don't know.
Swedish U?
Yeah.
That was just... I remember that was
the first cartoon that was gross
and like an adult
movie, but it was a cartoon on Nickelodeon.
It was like, holy shit, these guys are doing great.
They're saying nipple all the time.
Ren was the little dog, yeah.
Ren was the dog. Steampy!
Steampy! You idiot!
You're so stupid! Why would you do that?
That show gross to me
I love it
me too but it was awesome
where they would shave
and you'd be like
oh you can't look away
and then they would just
eat the hairball
yeah when they would go to that
there's like a bandaid
and loose hair and everything
when they would go to that
weird vision
yeah
they were always out
like selling rubber nipples
because I'm thinking
it's rubber nipples Stimpy
and I'm thinking of the
the orange VHS cassette tape
that Nickelodeon would have
yes
and I would just
yeah
we had three of the Ren and Stimpy ones
and I was just obsessed with them.
And Nurse Stimpy,
I think is art.
That is just.
I loved Ren and Stimpy.
I loved Buttered Toast Man
or Cinnamon Toast Man.
With the power of vitamin S.
Cinnamon Toast Man.
There was the horse
that like that talking horse guy
that they tried to sell
the rubber nipples to.
He opened the door and he was clearly on drugs,
like in WITSEC or something.
Like, what are you doing here?
They're like, we're just trying to sell you some rubber nipples.
He goes, oh, rubber nipples.
Why didn't you say so?
Then they come in and sell him a bunch of rubber nipples.
It's crazy.
It was just gross and everyone was like,
yeah, we're going to let them do this for Chulsa
the first version like Adult Swim before Adult Swim
this is just like afternoon cartoons
where someone's like let's roll the dice
and see if kids are
I thought it was MTV
no it was Nickelodeon
I just said Nickelodeon out loud
but it was like late night
wow
yeah but it was I just remember and then you get like all the other ones that were like Aeon were, wow, man. Yeah. But it was,
I just remember it was the pendant.
And then you get like all the other ones that were like,
Aeon Flux and Beavis and Butthead and stuff.
Those came after Ren and Stimpy and then Adult Swim. Those were on MTV.
Yeah,
those were on MTV for sure.
Aeon Flux where they had the crazy open mouth kissing.
You're like,
yeah,
that's going to be.
Catching a fly with an eyelash.
Yeah.
Oh,
that was the weird one where the guy's face kept changing and swallowing itself yeah yeah oh yeah yeah ren fucking good yeah that's a good one fuck yeah
that's the final pick so do we that that wraps it up to recap solomon you went first you took
bugs bunny power line miss piggy donkey and tigger david you went second you took daffy duck dodger batir the
talking elephant from kazakhstan that's a rabbit and lula bunny i went uh third i took paddington
bear kermit the frog baloo mickey mouse and eeyore sean you went last you took mufasa michelangelo
rocket raccoon mr ed and ren we well before we get to the board that we left marissa did you have a or Sean, you went last. You took Mufasa, Michelangelo, Rocket Raccoon, Mr. Ed, and Ren.
Before we get to the board that we left, Marissa, did you have a pick?
Yes.
My pick is Jake the Dog from Adventure Time.
Adventure Time.
Oh, what a great pick.
That's a good one.
He could shapeshift, and his girlfriend is a unicorn.
So that's pretty badass.
That's a great pick.
That's a fantastic pick.
That is pretty cool.
We left some good shit on the board.
Sassy? Well, any of the animals
from Homeward Bound, really.
Milo and Otis.
Sebastian the crab
from The Little Mermaid.
I had parrots.
Oh yeah, like gray parrots?
Because at first you were like,
are we talking fictional?
And then I was like, I got confused.
Anyway, in which way?
I did too, because I'm like, I thought there was a bunch of Mr. Eds out there, but they're...
Also, there's the whole thing of Planet of the Apes, like Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes.
Oh, good call.
Matthias from Redwall, one of the mice from Redwall.
Smaug the dragon, I don't know if we count.
And then, like, somebody who just works a lot,
the Geico Gecko, that guy's just putting in work,
you know? That is a good hit.
Damn. Yeah. Oh, also, I... What about Ludo
from Labyrinth I had? I had Thumper
from Bambi.
Oh, yeah, Thumper getting Twitterpated.
Yeah. Getting Twitter...
That is
a tank album
Thumper and getting Twitter banned
Back to back
That was 98-99
Yeah but especially Thumper
We want to hear yours
Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter
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uh shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon thank you for holding us down
shout out to everyone on the afe shaslackity we love you shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit
thank you so much for riding for us uh shout out to saint sue carmel who else what else we got going
on shout out to uh to happy birthday uh to bonnie from chris so that's
what's up happy birthday happy birthday bonnie might have been a little late on that um that's
the only shout out we got this week that i had from the fans shout out to uh me going skating
in a bit because it's perfectly sunny out here and i'm gonna go to a basketball court where there's
no other kids around and just skate a little box so i'm excited listening to some alice in chains
dude shout out to lane staley shout out scott wyland yeah shout out all of them
shout out chris cornell shout out to my girlfriend taking a nap on the couch right now starting it
right now because you can hear the podcast getting wrapped up be hard i was when you said that i was
like she's been taking a nap while you're in there talking to me. No one has ever napped near me.
That'd be fucking tough, dude.
Decibels, dude.
The Dewey decibel system over here.
Shout out to Martin Luther King Jr.
Oh, shout out to Martin Luther King Jr., of course.
Shout out to James Harden being fat.
He's fat now?
Good.
Shout out to the Rockets.
He couldn't do anything with them.
Uh-uh.
Shout out to Frankie Ocean.
Shout out to Sid the Dude.
Shout out to Haji Beats.
And more important than all of that,
tune in again next week
to another brand new episode
of All Fantasy Everything.
Sha-clackity!
That was a HeadGum Podcast.