All Fantasy Everything - Tall Tales (w/ Alec Flynn)

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

It's us, your five favorite multi-millionaire men over 6'4" with 15% body fat.Guest:Alec Flynn (@bigalflynn)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (@IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (@SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (@Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (@IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting tall tales, our AKA legends. We'll see what it ends up being when we get into it. Our guest today is the hilarious standup comedian,

Al Flynn. Do you prefer Al Flynn or Big Al Flynn? Should I give the honorific? You can call me Alex, you can call me Flynn-y. Yeah. A lot of people used to call me. Big A? Yeah, they used to call me Ancho back in high school.

I'll call you Ancho. Listen, when Al is on the table of options, I'm not gonna give you the whole Alec, and that's just a personal decision I'm making, I'm sorry. That's fine, dude. I mean, the older I get, I think the more I havec and that's just a personal decision. I'm making I'm sorry. That's fine, dude I mean the older I get I think the more I have to lean into just having a single syllable name You can't be Alec that's kind of like a childish sort of thing I have to give up on my on the child things aside. It's just embrace big Al Flynn as your

Stand-up man Alec Flynn is here I'm your host Ian Carmel and with me as always are my friends and comedians Sean Jordan and David Borey. And we're gonna get into it right now. Actually we don't do theme music anymore, so here we are. It happens still. Nah, nah, we have been. There's not theme music? The music still comes in.

It just comes in before your intro. Before the whole thing. Okay, so everyone's still familiar with it. Always has. Yeah, no, not always. Ian, are you wearing a Larry June shirt or Larry Bird? I'm wearing a Larry Davis shirt, dude. Ha ha!

Ha ha! Ha ha! Yo, those are the two Larrys that you know is so funny. It's Zonka, dude. It's actually Larry Zonka and Larry Hoover. Man, shout out to the one bull ring, though. Larry Zonka was a animal. Dude you're over- Shout out to the one full ring though. Larry Zonka was a animal. Dude, Zonka was a Polish menace, dude.

He liked to hit guys in the head with his head. You can't be an athlete and do that anymore. No, no. Like it used to be just like super strong foreign dudes who wanted to hit other dudes in the head with their head. And then now it's changed a little bit. Did you use to like the before game, like do that with other people's helmets,

just like to give you- Our coach used to do it without a helmet on. Yeah. He would headbutt us with helmets on. After the program, we did that for days. That was like a bang on the shoulder. Never spit in each other's mouths. That's not, that was a different program.

Yeah, that's the cross. That was in the program. Yeah, that's the program Team I mean listen, I wasn't a part of it, but I heard all tales, of course talking about legends All right Affairs you had a bunch of guys that were taken into their mom's percocet down on Cape Cod and they just decided, hey, listen, we're going to get into sex real early because we got summer jobs and a lot of milfs on this on this little stretch of speech here. We're going to get into sex real early. Yeah, that's what they like to do. I mean, I don't know what to tell you, man.

Where do lacrosse dudes fall on the hierarchy on the East Coast? Because on the West Coast, it was still sort of a novelty. It wasn't as a trend. Yeah. So this is interesting because I had a conversation just yesterday about lacrosse. Like on the West Coast, it's still like very soccer kid adjacent.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Whereas like on the East Coast, it was usually like football players would go play lacrosse. So like you're more often than not, like going against dudes that look like, you know, Boron the Destroyer where like with a legit six foot pole,

just gopping that like literally medieval style executioner looking dudes, like it, and it turned into just like blood sport pretty much. It was like the yearroquois intended. Were they popular? It did seem like it could be more violent than football. It seemed like in my head, it always felt like, oh, you could go over there if like,

you really hated your dad. There've been like several NFL players who played college lacrosse, who like came from that world. Chris Hogan, I think is like the famous one, but apparently also Jared Bernhardt. Jim Brown, I guess played lacrosse. Jim Brown. Yeah, he played lacrosse in Syracuse.

That's a dude who could be a legend. Did he really? Yeah. Jim Brown is a legend, right? Yeah. That's not up for debate. Played lacrosse in Syracuse. Pat Spencer, great guard.

He won the like the Heisman for lacrosse before he now he plays on the Golden State Warriors Is it a spring time sport? Is it a spring time sport? It is a spring time sport. The Heisman for lacrosse is called the Brandon, right? It's actually something super Iroquois dude, it's the Tawaratin award Yeah, dude, I love listen. I'm a big fan of watching it. If you guys get the chance, I don't know, I'm sure you'll be

with children the entire time, but like Memorial Day weekend, they'll have just like two games on Saturday, two games on Monday, or like the championship on Monday. It's great television. And you don't have to, you don't have to care the entire rest of the year. Is it professional or is that college across? It's college and they're good. College, Yeah, that's where it's at, right?

It's how it's how the NFL used to be like colleges be like nobody goes to Colorado Mammoth games Well, you could if you like really enjoy watching people fight like that They do they pretty much like they fight like hockey players on the ground, which makes it way more violent. Then they're just fighting. The skates kind of make it like, it's spikers up. An elegant dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you just got sneakers on, that's a fight.

That's a fight. Al, you played college hockey. You were a hockey man. Oh yes, dude. I played division one at the club level. It's pretty sick as hell. Where did you go to school? Did you go to Syracuse? No, I went to St. Anselm, dude. I played division one at the club level. It's pretty, pretty sick as hell. You know, where did you go? Where did you, where did you go to school? Did you go to Syracuse?

No, I went to St. Anselm, dude. It was up in Manchester, New Hampshire. It was, um, yeah, this is, I've been talking about this on stage, but like, this is like truly what I love about liberal arts colleges in the Northeast. And especially, I think this goes for like East Coast in general. They stay the same age. But I think it's the great tragedy of our generation that young men like me get tricked into

going to these, like, we get tricked by like the sports at these liberal arts colleges. They're like, hey man, you wanna come play for the Sarah Lawrence School of Nursing MRIs? Come on, you can commit here. We just won the NEPSAC ACOAC conference. Yeah, you went to like a dead poet society school to go play hockey.

Exactly, dude. It's like, yeah, I'm here to majoring in business. It's like, well, we only have esotology as our major, so you're fucked. Are you, you're from Boston. Are you torn up about Marchand going up against the boys in the red, white and blue tonight or what? No. I mean, at the end of the day, man, like I have a whole thing about the Bruins right now that I don't want to get into and I don't want to get too deep into it, but I will say just I love you're an old fashioned hockey. And I think that this is the thing. The NHL is now like the NBA has this problem.

NBA players like straight up do not care. Yeah. Like the don't care. The NHL light, if you can tell the intensity of which I'm talking to you and leaning into my chair at this Zoom as if I'm like, I'm so close. I'm in your grill for no reason. But like this is the intensity that guys will like scrimmage for like no fucking reason. Right. Like you know what I mean? Like NBA players are like, what is the in-season tournament two million dollars I don't give a fuck yeah that's fine I have that I have that yeah I have that yeah I don't know it goes down to fans too I got

drunk in Canada and was talking to a bunch of hockey guys about the game and they're just they're talking like Alec and they're crying and they're like it's just like this guy he's a beauty bud and I'm like he's like look at the stick work and what they're doing with the game and I'm like dude I'm so drunk yeah I've had 15 fucking Molesons and I've watched you have 20 and you're still talking about this level of detail and you're screaming to me about how Calgary is better than Edmonton I don't understand like at the end of the day like this guy's a total beauty but is he a nail gun or a weapon I don't understand like at the end of the day like this guy's a total beauty, but is he a nail gun or a weapon? I don't know That's how it was

Somebody who fires off a lot of shots is that like well, I mean it is just a whole bunch of yet You could be a nail gun. You could be a weapon. You can meet absolute beautician on out there It's like one of my favorite things to say is like when I got the hair going, dude, the salad is absolutely out and I get a little, need a little couple croutons in the back, you know what I'm saying? I like calling it salad too, my friend. That's a rare one. Sean just woke up.

Sean's like, Sean's been like hockey hockey hockey hockey. Talking about salad? What's up? Talking about the salad, baby. Fuck it up with some silky dirt. That man is Sean H. Jordan on Twitter. Sean, oh, on Blue Sky, Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Girl Dads available now.

Yeah, buy it on Patreon. Come see David and I at the Carco Theater in Renton, Seattle area, March 1st. Tickets are going quick, dude. They are. We got an update. Nobody's going to Renton, bro. Nah, they want to come see the Big Dick contest,

so come on out. It's going to Ranton bro. No, they want to come see the big dick contest. So come on out Sean's opening Comedy gold we're gonna get up and banter. This is not a co-headliner situation What's your name bigger on the poster? And then come see us in NOLA. The boys are gonna be there with, I mean, everybody. Everybody. So just come to the NOLA. Those passes, those passes are actually going quick too.

So. Listen to me. If you're listening to this and you're like, I'd like to see those AFE boys in person. You know, they're not coming to, like they keep talking about coming to Atlanta and they say they're going to eventually. And we will.

We will. They haven't swung through Austin in a while. I saw them in New York just last year, but I'd like to see them again. Come to fucking New Orleans. It's going to be fun. This is going to be insane. This festival is going to be so much goddamn fun.

The level of comedic talent that is going to be packed into like one street, two really is like nuts. New Orleans is one of the greatest cities in the world The food is crazy. The parties are amazing. It's It's going to be so much fun if you're on the fence at all Get off the fence and join us in new orleans. It's going to be so much fun And tickets are actually going pretty quick. So yeah, jump on it. Get on. And also if you know about weed

and you happen to be down there, come find me, because I always have a tough time with getting reefer in Louisiana. Weed politics in Louisiana are harder to navigate. Every time I got in weed down there, it's fucking trash. Except for last time,

shout out to last time I was there at Sports Strengths, somebody shut some of the ground. Wait, let me ask you this. Am I gonna have any trouble getting alcohol down there? It's fucking trash except for last time shout out to last time I was there at sports drink somebody shut wait Let me ask you this am I gonna have any trouble getting alcohol down there cuz that's what I like So is that gonna be hard to get do you drink? Yeah every now and again? That's I'll just trip on some right I'll find some down there a whale Loves the piss This episode's gonna end Sean's gonna start playing rec league hockey. Yeah.

You gotta be playing floor hockey in Portland, dude. You gotta fire it up. Let's take the gloves off, bud. I'll stow your fucking face in and smoke a dart. South Dakota must have been playing some hockey, right? Yeah, they were playing hockey. I never got it, but it was big, the Sioux Falls Flyers. I mean, I was a football guy. I brought UFC to Sioux Falls. I was the

first octagon in my driveway so I was doing different stuff. You're a walking octagon. You're the walktagon dude. Sean walktagon Jordan. Man shout out to all the homemade octagons across the country just ruining ACLs they had a UFC at the Armory in Sioux Falls and it was like duct tape and a chain-link fence you're like is this who's in charge? I went to one basically in a barn in Colorado Springs one time it was awesome though. I mean it yeah Like I'm always surprised with like those combat sports like in call in Denver, dude We would walk into like a brewery and they would just have like either amateur wrestling or like UFC fighting Yeah, I'm like man what happened to trivia night?

I'm like, man, what happened to trivia night? Yeah, yeah. I just came to Herman's hideaway for something different. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, what is Stacy doing? Herman just got his nose caved in. You know what's scary about combat sports when you watch them live is how quiet it gets during the fight.

Everybody wants to fight. Everybody's jacked up, and then when the fight happens, it's like, oh, we're all kinda scared. We're hard or turned on or whatever. But like everybody locks in. What's human, oh, we're all kind of scared or hard or what or turned on or whatever. But like everybody locks in. What's human cock fighting, bro? I hate it. I've never been. Dude, they hit each other the way that like you would hit somebody if they broke into

your house. Yeah. You know what I mean? They hit each other the way you only get to hit somebody like twice in your whole life. On the back. If you're living a crazy life, you get to hit somebody like twice in your whole life. On the back, on the back. If you're living a crazy life, you get to hit somebody like that two to five times your whole life. They give somebody six of those to the face immediately.

Yeah. Fuck me. What the fuck is that? I mean, I've told you guys before, but we sat, Charles Barkley sat behind me. The one UFC I've been to, I was like fourth row on the floor. It was bananas.

Like every hit was like a Mountain Dew commercial. Were you there with him? I was there with Doug and some other people He was next to me was it I had lunch with Alex Jones the next day that's not even or there You're the only creep he's ever had lunch with. And your boy. You met the underground whisperer, dude. No, Jorogun was there too. It was a wild lunch. I had nothing to do with it, but I was just a passenger

in the Margaritaville. Are we doing ass? Anybody here want ass? I'm gonna get some for the table. I was on the edge slamming Margaritas like, these two are fucking wing nuts, this is crazy. We can get something if you guys all want it. You can just dive in, but I think this might be mostly for me

and I'll take care of it on the tab. For it to be a sampler platter, it has to have more than three things on it. All right, that's a trio. If I wanted a trio, I would have ordered a trio. A sampler platter should be five at minimum. Take some calls. Seize power.

According to the documents, you have some gluten-free options, but not all gluten-free options. If you're born a cheeseburger, you stay a cheeseburger. That's all I'm saying. I don't want any of these cheeseburger egg rolls or even a cheeseburger dip with pita chips. If I ordered a cheeseburger, I want a cheeseburger.

If you're going to deconstruct something, Even a cheeseburger dip with pita chips. If I ordered a cheeseburger, I want a cheeseburger. If you're going to deconstruct something, deconstruct the liberal grasp on your brains. But I think thanks for doing what I couldn't. I was very limited in my in my bit there. Ladies and gentlemen, if you find yourself lagging energy wise, testosterone supplements can change your life. I know they change mine. No better testosterone and alpha brain omega serum.

Than... Yeah. Alex, just order something, man. Come on. Alex, she's standing right there the whole time. They stopped serving lunch in like half an hour, bro. You gotta... You gotta hurry up here.

David Bore is here, CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. Yeah. Oh, March 14th, come to see me at the Comedy Commonwealth in Dayton, Kentucky. March 15th, come see me at the Comedy Corner Underground in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I straight up forgot what date that I'm going to Sean's hometown.

Sometime, some other weekend in March. And I forgot about that. Now I'm mad. I was having such a good time. Yeah. Days in South Dakota. No, that guy has not gotten there yet. Just because you got a Larry Bird shirt on doesn't mean you get to talk to me like that. It helps. Fantastic. They have Fortnites. That's what I think.

That took a minute. Big Alec Flynn is here. Yeah, I am here, man. I'm stoked. Should I do my dates? Do your dates? Do your Big Al's Grill with Alec Flynn on YouTube, dude? I would first love to say, if you are in the national area Zanies were doing the big room March 12th

and then Raleigh March 14th 15th that same week Providence, Rhode Island police for the love of God. We're doing the vet theater. So that's gonna be crazy. It's not just me it's like other like tone Bell as well, but Yeah It's not just me. It's like other, it's like tone bell as well. But, uh, man. Yeah. What's going on? How's he doing? He lives in my house. It's going to be good. That's awesome. It's all, it's all through the little raff, little laugh roadie,

riot festival, but check out my podcast though. It's called big Al's grill ASMR. I know this is all, you know, we have fun here. You guys have a structure here. Mine is all about Mo bits, uh, only impressions and straight up just grill. Like it's only just going to be the sound of the grill and me being like, so have you guys hear about Bonnie Blue? It's going to be like mostly that. I just read about her. Thanks for that. Yeah. It's maybe we're living a great life. I read about her. I was like, oh my God, I wouldn't want want even sign up for that. That's gross.

A real page turner. Man, I can't believe where she's located. I just I was looking at flights just for fun. It's just like, what if I flew there? Just trying to be a citizen of the world. Yeah. I can't stop thinking about it, man. It seems so fun, dude.

I just like just to be in line and just be like, hey, what brings you here today? There's our age difference shining through. There it is. Doesn't seem like any fun to me. There's dudes our age. I'd be like, that was a hundred percent dudes our age. I'd argue it was more dudes our age. There's a lot of guys our age who spend most of the money they make in a year flying to Thailand for just such an occasion.

Just some weirdo guy. Where does your erection come from? There's a lot of guys our age who spend most of the money they make in a year flying to Thailand for just such an occasion Erection come from some weirdo guy who packed his own mango slices fucking Healthy snacks at the gangbang liquid I think eating eel I Just feel like if you live in that town, like how do you not, like you're like going to get eggs or something and you just walk by like, what are you looking for, like a new iPhone or something? Like, nah, we're all getting in line to fuck this girl. So it's just like, I got a little bit, I got time.

I had so much trouble parking today, I usually don't, what's going on? There had to be a crazy vetting process though, right? Like you can't just walk in line. I think you can just literally walk in. It seems like it was pretty, you just walk in like it feels bonery in here. Yeah. What kind of room was it? A sweaty one.

Well ventilated I hope, right? I hope so. I hope it was like a tent. Like a bed or something. Like a little mash tent. A lot of people are like, what are they talking around? It's gonna get dewy in there. This is, Bonnie Blue is the woman who had sex with a thousand men in a single day, is that right?

Yes, of course. Yeah, that's right, yeah. That is to whom we refer. And it is apropos, as we are drafting Tall Tales slash Legends today, before we get into exactly what that means. My name is Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Blue Sky, at Ian Carmel on Blue Sky,

at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at IK Cool Jew on YouTube. Go ahead and subscribe to me there. You're Jewish? 100% permits, but never. Cool. Yeah, man. Sean's coming to me with a tone because I booked a cameo from Shaggy Tudor.

No, I'm not. I think he thought I'm so- He's coming to me with a tone. I'm so mad that I didnaggy Tudor. No I'm not, I think it's not. He's coming to me with a tone. I'm so mad that I didn't think of that. Something he should have thought to do. I should have thought it and I might steal it. Who's to say it? I'd love if you did.

It's such a good idea. Also you don't need that. It's not free. It's such a good special. Oh thank you very much. You gonna tell us, do we need to cut it? Can I hear how much it was? I'll tell you, it ended up being like 350 plus. God damn.

I did the 24 hour tight turnaround, but I also have like a ton of money just sitting in my Cameo account. So I was like, oh, okay, here we go. Why do you have so much money in your Cameo account? I did Cameos for a long time. Oh, you have just money sitting in, okay. He deposits money.

I put it there so Dana doesn't know about it. It's just kind of money. I got money everywhere, dude. G public, Cameo. My slug fun. Okay, he deposits money. I put it there so Dana doesn't know about it My slush fun That's my Yeah, I got a grip cuz well, whatever What go into it? Well, I did their taxes. I'm worried when they start tracking Venmo cuz there's like there's a lot of Fired everyone from the IRS. Where it's like, there's no more taxes.

I'm literally never paying taxes again. Never, it's three guys named Ira now. You're fine, everyone is. We can do whatever we want now. Yeah. The country's a business, Sean. It's a business. You gotta think of it like a business, bro.

You gotta run the country like a business. Start a militia. Watch my special, Comfort Beyond God's Foresight, available now on 800lbGorilla's YouTube page. Baby, we're up over 30,000 views in about 24 hours, so that's pretty exciting. Oh yeah. It is, boy. That's pretty exciting. I go, Sman.

Numbers on the board. Blah, blah, blah. Let's get those up, though. Let's get it up to 31,000, bro. I'm really proud of it. I think it's funny. Give it a watch. Read my book, T-Shirt Swim Club. Blah, blah, blah. Let's get those up though. Let's get it up to 31,000, bro. I'm really proud of it.

I think it's funny. Give it a watch. Read my book, T-Shirt Swim Club. What else? Fucking come see us in New Orleans, dude. It's gonna be so much fun. Also, I'm doing a show here in Los Angeles. Cool.

You gonna work on standup? Dude, I did standup last night for the first time. I looked it up since August. Whoa. Are you serious? No, September. You did in September. Really?

I did for sure. At High Plains. Oh, that was High Plains? Is that when High Plains was? Yeah, like third week in September. How was the last time you did stand-up comedy? Damn. High Plains was the last time I did stand-up.

Whoa. I mean, you had a... What's it feel like to be a person? Yeah. What's freedom like like to be a person? Yeah. Yeah. What's freedom like? That's not what was happening.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ian, do you want to do my show? Yeah. We just started a brand new show last night. It's called Oklahoma Drill Comedy Show. You just, it's all like sick lineups,

but you just do all new material and you can just fuck around. I would love to. Do I start on the floor? Yeah. And then I have to get up. You gotta line up, dog. I'm not gonna lie to you.

And I'm hot off the jump. Won't be my first one, dude. Won't be my first Oklahoma. Yeah, you get up. You get hot off the jump. Big, I take football. Big football guys, all of us. Listen, you gotta go under the armpits and get in there.

You gotta get under, oh yeah, everybody holds. You just can't get caught, you know? I armpits you get in there you gotta get on oh yeah you everybody holds you just can't get caught you know I'm gonna be deep in there you know what I miss about Oklahoma drills is the sound the sound of a kid's life ending that's where they were like ready for any of that to happen to them the stand-up show I'm'm doing it in LA real quick. Yeah, please text me. March 7th, and are there any other details here? Oh, wait, you're the ticket? It's put on by an All Fantasy Everything All Family member. Happy Medium, a comedy show in Echo Park in Los Angeles,

March 7th, look up Happy Medium Comedy. I'm very excited about that too. It's gonna be great. It's hard to promote local dates. I stopped doing that. Yeah, there's gotta be people who live in LA. I'm doing shows tonight. Not gonna talk about it here. No. You're not gonna promote rotating tabs?

No. What's the matter with you? You're awesome. I miss seeing you, Alec. It was fun to, you're always fun to talk shit with. You really are. Also, you were there that time I ate too much, the one time I ate too much edibles in my life. I was like to, you're always fun to talk shit with. You really are. Also, you were there that time I ate too much,

the one time I ate too much edibles in my life. When I, when was that outside of- At that barbecue. Oh yeah, dude. Man, it was a bad day. Yeah, you were kinda out there, man. Yeah, it got fucking real weird. Alec just told me about a pizza place and I was fucking thinking about the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What makes it like Marinara?

You gotta go in there you can get to to you like you're like, yeah my friend Sally runs and he makes the greatest pies And I was just like but what was that noise that came out of the Mariana? But what was that noise that came out of the Mariana train? We could talk about that all day, but we are not here to talk about taking too many edibles. Instead, we are here to fantasy draft tall tales slash legends. Now this, I believe, is maybe something we have not all come to terms with exactly what it is. I think it's gonna be one of those drafts.

Laura got mad at me last night when I was like, what about this? She goes, no. I'm like exactly what it is. I think it's gonna be one of those drafts. Where- Laura got mad at me last night when I was like, what about this? She goes, no. I'm like, yes it is. And I just walked out of our room. These, I think we can stay, I mean, everybody knows what a tall tale is. I'm not gonna say anything because those are all out there,

you know, like potential picks. But I think these can be legends that verge on those that belong to the global consciousness. And these can go all the way down to stuff that has happened in our own little communities. Okay, good. Does that feel fair? My shit's personal as fuck.

Okay, right, I have a couple personal ones. I have a question, I have a question. Nine inches. Can they all be us having a good time? Can this just be us having a good time? Cover to cover, it's gonna be a good time, baby. Boys are already buzzing, dude. I feel fucking good as hell, man.

I feel like one of those penguins that's got like his son underneath his feet, you know what I mean? That's gotta be a good feeling. It's gotta be a good feeling, just being like, dude. Boot on the neck of your son. Try to get up. No, you know, dude, like when they're, you know.

He likes it tight. Yeah, he likes it tight. He just locks on. Imagine you know, dude, like when they're, you know. He likes it tight. Yeah, he likes it tight. He just locks on. Imagine just with your kid, like as a penguin, you just go, you're fully up and then you just come down and just go, dude, you want us to see you and Dan then? Ha ha! Yeah, dude, that, oh.

You got to be careful about when you enter the food. You're like, I'm chilling so hard. I'm being the best dad. I'm just legit standing here. I'm like, I am, that's all they do. I'm just legit standing here I'm like a kid. I am that's all they do They just stand there and then they are like a lesson to the rest of creature dumb whether like peg with their good dads, dude Meanwhile, the mom is like avoiding sea lions in frigid Arctic waters you gotta have a krill and shrimp and the ads just like

standing on a baby Crill and shrimp and dad's just like standing on a baby. And it's gonna stay. I love the low bar for a dad. Just don't leave. Just don't leave. Just don't leave. Stay. He's a pretty good guy.

He was there the whole time. The whole time. A lot of that time was in the backyard, but he was there. He was drunk as shit, but he was there the whole time. Oh, hell yeah. So we're drafting that legend, All Tales, all that stuff. All right, we're gonna get to it, right? In a second here after I say the other things

that I have to say. The way we determine the order of the draft is a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors, played between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David wins. He throws a paper against two rocks.

It's a natural victory. It's a natural victory. David, as the winner doesn't come upon you to determine the order of today's draft, before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? It's a great question.

Admittedly, this isn't my best one. I just, I second-guess myself, but it's like a snake, but like the biggest snake you've ever seen. Like this snake was so long, it was longer than any river that you've ever seen this snake, and it wrapped around the whole world,

and then it even, as it wrapped around the world, it got bigger, so then it went back and it wrapped around Mars, and then when it wrapped around Mars, it went back the other way. This is such a big snake. It's the biggest snake you could ever even imagine. And then it wrapped around the sun.

This is not a good one. I feel like we're getting over to Saturn. They're in story time right now. It wrapped around Saturn, and then the snake turned into the rings around Saturn. It's a tall tale. What are you doing? That's what, fucking, yes, dude.

Yeah. All right, oh wait, he did it. On theme you doing? That's what fucking yes, dude. Yeah. All right. Oh wait. On theme. On theme. Yeah. Basically what it means. David didn't like it. And this is a rule that's been passed down from generation to generation through the oral tradition.

If you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. The oral tradition. Oh yeah. Not to be confused with being passed down through the anal tradition. That's a rough tradition. That would be so fucking-

That's a rough tradition. This legend was passed down anally. That's just my family's a little different. Yeah, we got a real sandpaper tradition in this thing. We grew up in Provo. Generation after generation passed down through the anal tradition. Took a lot of anal exams in college. With that in mind, David, what would the order of today's draft be? I wanna go first, I wanna set the table with then Sean Jordan, then Alec Flynn, and then Ian Carmel.

That's right, hot corner. We're all in trouble. Hot corner. Let's do it. David, Sean, Alec, Ian, we're gonna get to the draft, which is David's first pick, right after this short break. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, we all know what red flags are,

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of $125 or more with promo code ALLFANTASY. That's M-A-C-K-W-E-L-D-O-N.com promo code all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. One of the only podcasts that's ever existed. There's also Alex. And there's also the Splendid Table on NPR. But those are the only three.

David, you have the first pick. In the Tall Tales, All Fantasy Everything Draft, what is that pick? There's a kid who lives in the Tall Tales, all fans of everything draft, what is that pick? Uh, there's a kid who lives in the other apartments who can stick his arm up the machine and get a cocoa. Oh, guys. Okay, I see the way you went with it. I'm trying to take from every, every era of my life.

This is my era's tour. That was always such a like, did you ever get into the realm of being like, I'm just gonna tell people I did it, it's just gotta be a certain machine. Like I could do it, but it's gotta be at the Wyatt. Here's what's crazy, and people don't believe, one time in our apartments,

the fucking, the guy who filled it, left the machine unlocked. And it was maybe one of the better things I've ever, because it was like, I don't know who figured it out first, but then like the one kid pulled it open, and then there's just a swarm of broke kids, and the shit got cleaned out in like probably five minutes. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Was it a soda machine? Was it a food machine? It was a soda, it was a coke machine, it was a coke, outside coke machine, like one of those ones that's like chained down because they think kids are gonna get like a whole Yeah, like like what happened? That has to Be left unlocked and then somebody has to have

the optimism in their heart To try to open it to no, I think we because the way I remember this is like I mean guys This was probably what I'm 28 now. So this was probably 2007 You're round and up to met. You look great. You made it through 27. Good job. The way I remember it was we were all out there and the guy came to service the machine and then fuck the machine.

Yeah, fuck the machine. Bonnie's all booked up. So I'm just going to go out. Hey said it didn't count as a fall pass. Hey, when I applied for the job to service the machine, I thought it was a different job. I didn't know I was gonna have to blow Bert Kreischer. But the way I remember it, yeah, he came and he did it and he left and somebody was like, I don't think he locked it. That's how I remember it.

Like I think we were all on it pretty, pretty quick. Because this is the same apartment where we tried to, we also tried to break into the ice cream man lived there. And we also tried to break into his truck at one point, assuming there would be ice cream after hours, which is a crazy thought. You don't know how it works though. He just leaves it in the truck. Yeah, yeah. That's what we thought. He just left it in there.

When he leaves it in the truck, it's like summertime. Yeah. We're going to get rich. But no, but it was always you would always hear about a kid who could do it. But it was always like some shit, like he lives in the other apartments or he goes to my cousin's school or whatever. Yeah, for sure. It's always one, it's one, once removed, that guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think like, if you're like Victor Wemba Nyama, right, which get well soon, King, but if you're Victor Wemba Nyama and you have arms that long and that thin, you're trying, right? I mean, I was not- Like in the interest of young Wemba Nyama, and you have arms that long and that thin, you're trying, right? I mean, I was not- Like in the interest of young Wemba Nyama?

I looked like young Luis Guzman and I tried. So I don't, like I feel like- That's a good guy to look like, dude. That little meatball, I tried to get my arm up in there. Guzman, I bet Guzman has had more sex than a comparable NBA player. Oh, for sure. I think it was even, yeah.

I think so. Yeah. For sure. I think if you put his per 36 up against any NBA player, I think Guzman's getting it in for sure. Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This guy's tape's incredible. It's incredible. This is a pro GuGuzman podcast. I always have to. The pro-Guzman. Big time, big time, big time, big time. That's a great pick. Did everyone else approach the draft the same way?

Because I didn't, but now I've re-jiggered. No, I did not. I have a little bit of both. I'm going in and out, but I also have some really good, like kind of sports ones, but you know, I'm gonna hit you with some lefts and some rights. I love it. I think that's good.

I think that's good because what it does is it elevates, if we draft like other ones, it elevates these local ones to the stature they deserve. Yes. Yeah, I want that kid on par with Paul Bunyan. Yeah, exactly right. Mall Cop. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick, which is not, which is different. It's different. I'm going to be honest.

The very first thing I thought of, 8 Mile, is a tall tale to me. What? What? That was the first thing on my list. I don't think it happened like that. I don't think it went down like that. I don't think there was a Brittany Murphy. I don't think he feeds Papa Dog at all of them at the same time. I think he exaggerated. I just do. I don't think he was on the bus writing gold. I just don't.

I think it happened at some sort, but I think it's a bit of a Tulsa. So you think Eminem self-mythologized for the movie Eight Mile to the extent that it is equal to Paul Monyer? I do. Oh man, that's so funny. Sean went at this from a total Mythbusters perspective. Yeah, and we need that. We need that on the team.

It's rooted in reality. And it's a bit, it's a little tall. I don't think. Isn't it acknowledged that it's loosely based on his live? Pretty loose. I'm not saying it's not, he's a rapper. He did grow up in Detroit. I'm just saying, I don't know if there was a

Brittany Murphy there. I don't know that he showed up and faced all five of the free world and just had the perfect battle rap for each one. I just don't know that it happened like that. I'll be honest Sean, this is a great pick, but this is a negative pick and I don't love that, okay? We, we, don't we choose to believe the story of Eminem

for our own caucasity, you know, for our own sake? Yeah. I wanted two things. I want them to be real. What did you want? I wanted two things, I wanted a laugh. What if they're real? And I wanted it to count as a pic, which I think it does.

This is more fucking pro-ICP propaganda from the real leader of the dark carnival himself. That's what's happening. That's what's happening. One of us gave Shaggy about 350 bucks the other day and it ain't me, so I'm just. Well, all right. Damn, damn, you're pocket watching on recording, huh?

You're pocket watching your friend Shaggy Tudow and your friend Ian Carmell. I like it when my friends, when I like when my two friends join in creative endeavors like that. That really is nice to me. So yeah, maybe I just had to subconsciously stick it to Eminem, Kid Rock's next. I hate to say bad shit.

Eminem is slim anus, that's what you're sticking it to, right? I hate to say bad shit about Kid Rock, but he might be next. Nobody is safe in Detroit. He's not a devil without a car. You're gonna pick the song picture with him and Sheryl Crow next? I don't think it went down like that. I don't think it happened like that.

Barry Sanders, you got about two picks to get out of Detroit. There's footage of that shit. I don't think you know Barry Switzer. That was the first thing that came to my mind, so I had to be honest. I wanted to switch it immediately after David made his pick, but I have to be true to the listeners. That was good, man. That was good. Alec Flynn, it's time for your first pick on A.F.E. All right, here we go. This is a highly anticipated pick. I'm just glad to be here first and foremost.

I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did.

I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. That was good. That was good. That was good. Alec Flynn, it is time for your first pick on AFA. All right, here we go. This is a highly anticipated pick.

I'm just glad to be here first and foremost, but my biggest pick is the myth that putting on the overhead light in the car is illegal. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? Yeah, that's a good one. Every time, you can't do that, it's illegal. Dad, you can't do that. I'm gonna get pulled over.

Yes. My father, I'd be trying to read a book You can't do that. It's illegal. I'm gonna get pulled over. My fault, I'd be trying to read a book like a good little boy and my father would literally go federal prison Federal prison they pull you over and you have that light on. Well, it's because they were lighting up the beer he was holding. Yeah, you get to go to federal prison if you want to be that fucking stupid. and that's the only thing I can get to see. You can go to federal prison if you want to be that fucking stupid. I'm like, in my entire life I was told you turn on the overhead light in the car. Top is going to be like, what? You cannot do that.

Yeah. They cannot do that. You know what I called the overhead light? And you were just trying to read another Sideways story from Wayside School. I am, dude. I'm trying to read another sideway story from Wayside School. I am, dude. I'm trying to read Garfield, the big book. And I just, I still believe it to this day, dude. I don't, like, even now I'm like, what?

I do too. I don't like it. I don't like it when it's on. I'll say that. I don't like it when it's on. When people are too cavalier about it, like, if you ever been, like, looking for probably some weed or something, somebody's like, oh yeah, put on the dome light and you're like, whoa Phone you monster

So like I get where he's coming from but at the same time like that is I don't know if that's true It can't be true, but I choose to believe it. It's how James Dean died, dude You're like, shut the fuck up It's how James Dean died, dude. You're like, shut the fuck up. No. I believe it would raise the eyebrows of a cop, but I don't know if that's the only reason they're pulling over. I don't even know if it would. I don't even know if it would.

I think the cop would be sitting there because he grew up just like we did, although with probably a more distant mother, but like grew up just like we did. And like is sitting there in the car and he's like, now did they tell me that was illegal in the Academy or? Was that just something my parents yelled at me so we just Read a book in the back. I dropped my fucking Gatorade Couldn't spawning did oh That's a perfect your dad just one hand on the wheel. Let me count the felonies back there. Yeah.

Dropping Gatorade. You would literally just go, if they pull us over, I'm going to jail. How are you getting home? How are you getting home? That's a very practical application for that though. You know what I mean? It's not like, how will I fare

not being able to provide my family? How will you get home? Yeah. Right? How are you gonna do consequences? Let's do consequences. Let's go down the consequence ladder here. I'll be fine in there. I want to lift.

I like to lift. You know that your mom's not going to boof me some creatine twice a month? I'll be okay. You're not going to get home. She does that anyways and I'm not in prison. You're going to have to explain to the cop. You're going to have to go, what were you doing? Trying to read a book.

It's illegal. Yeah. Now my dad's in the Aryan Brotherhood. Have fun trying to read in prison, you shitbag. At first out of a lack of options, alright, but then after a while, some of the philosophies took. And that's why my whole family's Muslim now. All because you had to read Night of the Living Gummy 3? You just get out of prison.

Because you wanted to get some fucking goosebumps before you got to the house. Well, I hope you got goosebumps now. Just get me the new Captain Underpants and tell me I can't read it on the fucking way home. That is true though. It is hard getting an exciting book and not reading it on the way home That's a great Excellent pick I I have a very I had a very traditional list But I called an audible when David made his pick and I feel like I gotta get it before it goes off the board

I gotta get dude who can blow himself. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah. All right, okay. Big time, big time. Got to. He can blow himself. Got to. Huge. That's a two points. That's David Robinson catching the ball. Jam, that's easy.

High field goal percentage, one high school over. Yeah. Although sometimes there were like, it was the quiet kid. We had a kid at our school. I'd be pretty quiet too Shawn's really mysterious. No, he could just suck his own dick. Yeah Stuff like I can't make it or you'll have to excuse me. No, I'm good. I'll stay home.

I'm busy that night. Those sort of phrases. That's mostly what I say. No, that's great. Yeah. When was the last time you tried? It was never on the table for me. You ever even tried? I was never on the table for me. You ever even tried?

I was always so, I was always such a fat little kid, I couldn't bend and my dick is like fine. It's not small. I'm at the point in my life where I tell you if it was, but it's just fine. I realized it was never gonna happen. It's like trying to build a bridge over the Atlantic Ocean. You don't even attempt it.

Yeah. You know? I got, I swear to God. Probably sixth grade. Okay, yeah. Before puberty. You gotta try. You gotta try, you gotta try.

You didn't hit your growth spur yet. The issue is that, the issue is that. I tried, I tried, but there was never, I was like, you check to see, you're like, what? No, it's not, I'm actually closer now than I've ever been in my life. The issue I always found is that I always thought that it would be more like, no, I'm actually closer now than I've ever been in my life. The issue I always found is that I always thought that it would be more like, it always felt like

it would feel more like S and a D than getting your D-est. Yeah, I think you're right about that. Wow. That was always what I felt. I've never found a way to say it the right way. You would have to get into yoga and meditation at the same time. Because you also have to be calm enough to receive.

Yeah. And I feel like my, like, my, my, I would be on high alert. You'd be breathing out of your nose, like Tony Soprano eating lunch. Yeah, be scared somebody was gonna walk in. Cause how do I explain that to my stepdad? We're already on the outs.

Yeah. You turn that fucking dome light off every now and again. Dude, could you imagine the psychological harm you would do to yourself, nutting in your own face? Flame boy and wet willy, man. It would be so confusing forever and ever. I'd have to shave my head and move to Tibet. I'd have to like, it would be over, bro. You can never get over that sort of shame.

Cause you get two things at the same time. You get cum in your mouth and post-nut clarity. Sweet and salty. Yes. Simultaneous. So you're like, not only did you just jizz in your own mouth, you have to have that feeling of like, after you watch porn and jack off,

where you're like, what am I doing? But with blowing yourself. You would have a hunger for an extinct meat. You, what am I doing? But with blowing yourself. You would have a hunger for an extinct meat. You know what I'm saying? Like it's just not. You're like. No.

Oh. I don't know if I do. I don't know if I do know what you're saying. I hate the last photo first. You can't just keep having that. You just can't keep having that. You're like, I can't do that again. What's supposed to happen in the first place?

That's what I'm, exactly. That's what I'm saying. You weren't supposed to be over there. What do supposed to happen in the first place? That's what I'm, exactly! That's what I'm saying! You weren't supposed to be over there! Well, you, what do you mean I just ate horse meat? Now I like it! Yeah! Yeah. It's like eating a person.

This is the most I've ever thought about. Coming in your own mouth is like eating a person. Yeah, the emotion involved. I've never really grappled with it until now. Like, what? Yes, cause you're not a lover. Yeah. No, I'm a fighter you're right

big fighter Where I could get my tongue on it I swear I could We got a patreon right now if somebody was standing on my back alright patreon who wants to stay Patreon, who wants to stand on my back? And get my mouth on it? You joined at the highest tier. What if I post that before this comes out? I just go, hey, who wants to stand on my back and get my mouth on it?

This'll make sense after you listen to this episode. Who wants to stand on my back? I wonder what he's talking about. Get my mouth. Man, if Laura comes home during any of this. Also yoga guys, they could do it though, right? I'm sure there must be people who can do it. So this is one of those tall tales that's very rude in reality. I bet there's like people who can do it. What makes them tall tales is that there's like people who walk among us, you know, like at a school

where they're like, this other dude at high school or this guy goes to the other high school. I feel like the odds are there was probably one kid at your school who could do it. Probably. He didn't, it was not like, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Where they're like it's other this other dude a high school where this guy goes to the other high school I feel like the odds are there was probably one kid at your school who could do it Probably he didn't it was not who you thought. I don't think it's that prevalent boys I think you gotta you gotta listen. I don't know. Maybe I choose not to believe Because I think we got a free thinker over here. Well, it's you have to ask yourself in the grand scheme of things Sorry, I'm pontificating right now. But I mean, really, if you're, dude, get, suck your own dick, and go about your norm. Dude, I could never suck my own dick and then go to Chick-fil-A, like nothing happened.

No, it would change everything. Listen, I don't wanna get like, I don't wanna get too detailed, but if you do, your tongue's on the, it's not on the side that's gonna help. So all you got is the top of your mouth to help. You know what I'm talking about. The bottom of your penis is what matters

and your tongue would be on the top. Your tongue would be on the top. So I don't know that you'd even be doing a great job. You'd have to use the roof of your mouth to get the, that's where the business is done. Well now you're tweaking your whole body. You're twisting yourself. You're doing it, you get your turn on the side, bro.

Still don't count horseshoe hand grenades, my friend. Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. It doesn't count in mouth shots. Can we get that? We'll put a poll up to see if it does. Oh my god. See, count in mouth shots. This has gone crazy.

It did. That was the grossest thing I've said on here ever.orts. Staying in the David Borey way of seeing the world, I am going to now take my second pick, which is kid at your grade school whose aunt or uncle is a famous person. Oh yeah, sure. Oh, good one. Yeah, Arnie Grande.

She comes to my Christmases. There was a kid at my grade school whose last name was Crawford, and everybody said, or he said, his aunt was Cindy Crawford. And there was another dude whose last name was not, and everybody said, or he said his aunt was Cindy Crawford. And there was another dude whose last name was not, was Nikki Taylor an model?

Nikki Cox? No, Nikki Taylor. There was a Nikki Taylor, there was a Nikki Cox too, but I'm pretty sure there was a Nikki Taylor. Wasn't there? Yeah, oh no, it was Kathy Ireland, my bad, but I think there was a Nikki Taylor. Kathy Ireland is the goat.

There was a Nikki Taylor! Okay, shoot, that's a deep one. Uh Who said the Kathy Ireland was his aunt but his last name wasn't Ireland That's still tracks to throw it off there was a dude at the school whose uncle was NBA player Darnell Valentine Wow, that one checked out. So then after that you learn as possible anything's possible and I was like, I'm gonna do a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little

bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little Now I gotta look up who Ari onomatix is, because I made a noise, like I knew what was up, and I don't. I just smiled. I just smiled.

I was being polite about it. He was one of the Vanderpump rules people, like you remember what all that was going on, like a year ago? Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the scandal ball. Yeah, so he was there at like the height of it, and I was just like ripping cigarettes

at the dinner table outside, and I was just like, you pissed off or what? Yeah, how you feel about it? You gotta make it believable. Ashing in the turkey, like, I don feel about it? You gotta make it believable. Ashing in the turkey like, I don't care about any of this. How can any of us need a time like this? I'm making bad impressions here in LA.

That's alright. It's never stopped people of talent from succeeding before. It's more so than that. This guy doesn't really get along. That was too real Ian. Sean, what were you saying about going to a function with a famous person? I'm just wondering if it's ever happened. I'm trying to think. I've never been anywhere where, I don't know, anybody of note showed up. You know what I mean? Like if Steven from Laguna Beach shows up all of a sudden. Didn't we just talk about hanging out with Spike Jonze? What are you talking about?

We weren't hanging out with him. I'm saying like, we were at a theater where he was on like. Pussy. Yeah. I'm saying like you're at Thanksgiving and you're like your cousin's, you know, boyfriend is. Oh, so we're at a notting hill. Plays in the NHL or something.

Yeah, before entertainment. No, no, no. Yes, like a notting hill, but not to that extent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Isaac, cut all that out please. Notting Hill, but not to that extent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Isaac, cut all that out, please. Not pre-entertainment. All right.

Isaac, put like sort of a jazzy trumpet behind whatever you want to say. Ask and answer, let's move on. All right. Yeah, yeah, thank you, Isaac. Yeah, kid whose aunt or uncle is famous. Alec, time for your second pick. Okay, I've got two good picks here.

They are both baseball related. I'm gonna do it. It's the curse of the KFC Colonel in Japanese baseball. Oh man. Have you guys heard of this? I don't even know what that is. No, John, you did? Am I thinking of the right thing?

I think you might be. The Hiroshima Tigers, definitely not the right town, but the Tigers, definitely not the right town, but the Tigers, essentially they won the World Series, the Japanese World Series in 1985. This is like a, like, think of like a Red Sox sort of thing. And their rivals are like, Climshin Tigers. Their best player was this guy named Lance Baggs, this American dude, who looked like, in their words, the KFC Colonel, which in reality, he just dude who looked like in their words, the

KFC Colonel, which in reality, he just kind of looked like a semi overweight American guy, but he was their best dude. So what they did when they won in that world series is there was a KFC near their river, they threw a ceramic Colonel into the river and they hadn't won. Anything since then last year, they finally won the World Series again, took another KFC Colonel ceramic guy, tossed him in the river, and then everybody started jumping in the river

with the KFC Colonel guy. So it was the curse of the KFC Colonel, they called him. I like that. Yeah. I like throwing shit in a river. That's what it's all about, dude. When you team wins a championship, just get in the river, get in the water. Come on, I never throwing shit in a river. That's what it's all about dude when you team wins at championship Just get in the river get in the water. Come on

I've never looked at a river once it didn't want to throw some shit in there Yeah, yeah, you do just pick something up and throw it in all the time Oh, man, you know look at a river on a bridge a stick or something like I did something then at river I want to hear the curse plush, you know, throw something big that curse plush Get like a boulder like a soccer ball Maybe laugh really hard like reading this in the paper, dude Just just thinking about they're like we they call called him the Colonel and then you see a picture of this guy He just like had a beard

He played D2 college ball here, but then he goes over there, he's the Colonel. He's the Colonel, dude. Bags, dude. Loved sushi everywhere. It's really flattering how much Japan loves American culture. I really, especially in a time like this, when our reputation internationally has taken a bit of a hit.

Is there some going on? Somebody just gets sworn in as the leader of a hit. Is there something going on? Somebody just gets sworn in as the leader of the FBI? Is there something happening? No, no, definitely not. There's a new female body inspector? Get out of town. Yeah, his name's straight Cash. My buddy Ole plays fucking hockey with him in D.C.

Really? Yeah. With Cash Patel? He still plays fucking men's league hockey. Cash Patel. Oh my God. No, he's not endearing. Always like, Hey, sucks. We have to pretend like he's good. Oh, thank God. Okay. Um, the curse of the KFC Colonel, the curse of the KFC Colonel. That is my pick. I feel pretty proud

of that one. I also enjoy educating, you know, I love learning. Yeah, that's not what I was thinking of. I was thinking of the fried mouse and the bucket of chicken. Oh. That's what popped into my head and I was like, man, you're stupid. As soon as you said that, I'm like, what a moron I am. Iceman, does South Korea care about American culture as much as Japan or are they like, nah?

A little bit. Yeah, I mean, as much as is a difficult comparison, but there's a lot of American influence on South Korea. Like baseball is the most popular sport in Korea. Yeah. I believe it's taekwondo, my friend. Is that not the national sport of South Korea? First of all, it's taekwondo, and it is a national sport.

I can't say it like that. If I say it like that, Isaac. That's what he said. He's gonna have to grow a ponytail if he starts saying it like that. Isaac, is that what you want? I can't do that. Isaac... You're gonna have to grow a ponytail if you start saying it like that, Isaac. Is that what you want? I can't do that. Where's the ponytail on your mustache?

Don't tempt me, my friend. Please, dude. Laura's teetering. I'm leaving town on Saturday for a few days. I know. I'm in a mood today. I like it. Sean Jordan, what major motion picture you'll be drafting second?

Nah, different one, I'm going to different one. Mermaids, bro. All of our company. Wait. Mermaids. We are, we're all over the fucking shop. They're tall tails. Oh, okay.

They are, C-Mid, they're tall tails. They're fish tails, they're very leashed fish tails. Sailors were just drunk on going insane, and they thought they saw They're fish tales. They're very leashed fish tales. Sailors were just just drunk on going insane. And they thought they saw women with fish tales. That's crazy to me. And we watched Little Mermaid last night with Max. So that was nice. Is that how you do your drafts?

You guys are so serious. Max, I'm sorry. We got to watch the entire time. You've just been like, this is just some movies I've been watching. With my third pick, I'm going to be taking Who's It and What's It, Galore, if I can get away with taking both of them. The departed, the end of the last season entourage. The departed.

The departed, what do you guys think that really happened? Come on. Oh, oh, oh. Whole Whitey Bulger, man. Anyway, yes, Mids tall tales, man. They're it's fascinating to think about Manatees are one of the explanations right that they saw me rolling around in the and they were like, yo from my A bunch of sailors being like, yo dude.

You're just trying to go on rum and scurvy, like I'm gonna fuck one. I'm gonna go fuck that 800 pound Andy Reid looking thing. Oh, you guys look like that. They all got open sores everywhere, like what do you think, dude? Oh God. You think that salt water's gonna hurt?

I'm going in. God damn it, Sean. Yeah, Mermaids, man have nothing too much to say. Mermaids, oh yeah. And also that is a movie with Cher and Winona Ryder, so maybe I am just picking movies. We just watched that at the house the other day. It's pretty good.

That song is a hit. What's the song? No, we watched Splash. Splash also dang, but Mermaids that, it's in his kiss, that's where he is. That's from Mermaids. That's from Mermaids. That's from Mermaids?

Yeah. Okay. David Boyd, tell me about your second and third picks. Second pick, this is from high school. I'm taking this. Our football coach would always say it when we weren't nasty enough or whatever. He said, I remember last year,

it was like two, three years ago, I remember we went up to summit and Nate Hoffman trap ball blocked a kid so hard he puked. You guys don't have any of that in you. For the thing is, no, I never heard anybody else say that it happened. This is a great pick. And it was always like, it was always because we were not tough enough. Yeah.

And he remembers that we went up there and he trap locked a kid so hard he puked. And I remember we played, I always felt bad because his younger brother was a great ahead of us and he never did anything like that. Yeah. And I always feel like that. Yeah, he didn't have it on me. Yeah, I always felt like that. What is a trap block? Where you pull, like you're the guard, and you pull, like as the ball snapped, you pull.

Oh, so you get to just smoke somewhere. And yeah, you just really explode somebody. Yeah. It works, especially in high school. That shit works all the time. Coaches would often, like, the way they picked favorites was so weird sometimes. Like, you would hear those legends about guys, and then you would meet them, and you're like, the way they picked favorites was so weird sometimes. Like, you would hear those legends about guys

and then you would meet them and you're like, well there's no way it was you. The person they have in their brain, because it would happen on your team too, where you'd be like, that's not even our best offensive lineman. Yeah. And that's the person you're mythologizing?

What's going on? I think coaches like the kids who were, it was like, I think is, I've thought about this a lot. It had to be like multi-pronged your parents had to be involved but not in a way where your Dad or mom thought they were a coach good family had to be an overall School kid there was like a lot to it other than just and you had to have I remember our coach was really big I'm like if your numbers on the paper were good Well, you could get blown out every play but it'd be like yeah, but he you know, he benches 285. Yeah He kind of sucks

Our coaches criteria our coach was just this old dude from Southie with a scallycap Bulldog, it looked like essentially Fucking who's the old prime minister from England? Winston Churchill? Winston Churchill? Yeah, he looked like Southie Churchill. Southie Churchill's a real guy by the way. Winston's the cigarette Churchill. He would just be like, she's strong with all you guys.

There's no chicks in here from Dorchester, no Quincy, no even South, you're all just a bunch of South Shore pussies. And I'm like, I can't fix that. Yeah, what do you... I can't just be from Dorchester. You can't just be from Dorchester. I'm not gonna boo.

You cut all the kids from Dorchester and South because they're worse than us. You're not selling Dorchester. You cut all the kids from Dorchester and Southie because they're worse than us. Yeah. Yeah. You're not selling Dorchester to me by the way. No, I'm like, all right, I don't know. That was always criteria is like, let's grow up in fucking Southie. It's like, I know dude.

Lucky me. You're malnourished. You know, what's wrong with you? Oh, so who cares? That's how I always felt. Yeah, we're very similar. Who fucking cares? We win every, we win.

What do you want? You need to get, and you think I'm gonna be like, oh, Nate Hoffman, I gotta get nasty. And then that's what's gonna fucking turn it on. You think you telling me that story again, and then it's gonna click for me? I'm having problems at home. A story about a guy failing out of community college right now. That's what's supposed to

motivate me. You mean the guy who comes in the locker room at homecoming to tell us how big of an opportunity he was? He wasn't that guy, but we had guys like that. Dude, David, on along those lines, and I might be giving up a pick, but I think this, I don't care because like we had our coach our coach would just go Al Gill never made a tape to tape pass his entire nhl career. So that means just ship it out of the zone and for those guys a 17 year nhl vet who never made one pass

From one guy's tape to he would say that all the time and we're like, that's which minimally impossible That's an imposter that's like saying like Peyton Manning never did a handoff his entire career. That's like the exact, that's like what he said. He would say that to us all the time. We're just like, no. Verifiably untrue. It's so funny when you grow up and you realize coaches were insane people. Yeah.

Often the craziest people in your area. You were leaving your family for this? Yeah. To make boys run? Yeah, but don't worry, they'd remind you. Yeah. Oh my God. They loved that.

That's with my babies. I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna fucking be here. Coach Blackham doesn't wanna fucking be here. No, I don't. You think Mr. Richie wants to be here? No sir. He wants to get here. No, sir

He wants to get tuned up in his garage listen to fleetwood mac Because you can't fucking trap lock All right, dude Anyways that was that pic. Oh, that was a different that was a different time in my life Okay, this next one because what are are we? This is my third pick. Third pick? This next pick is for after high school, before comedy, when I was running around, I thought I was a cool,

tough guy. I wasn't, but I knew this guy who stole his own car, his own stolen car back from the impound lot. And it was like one of the most mythical things. Wow. It was like, because the story was so involved and it was like in the snow and he had binoculars and he had to like climb a tree and shit. I mean, ultimately it was fueled by methamphetamines.

Yeah, dude. Were you boys with Tom Clancy? No, he was just a dude. He was just a dude. But it was like, it would be the first thing that would come up about him, if you brought him up all the time. You know he stole his car back from the Empire.

Yeah. That's awesome. It tells you everything you need to know about a guy, by the way. It was, he- His car got impounded, he stole it back. I got the whole story. It was a stolen car. He's awesome, though. He's like, I do love that guy. I got the whole story. It was a stolen car. He's awesome though. I do love that guy. He will take it there if it needs to get taken there.

Oh, he loved taking it there. He had his last name tattooed across his back. You know what time it is. Ron Sheckler? Old English font? Jersey font? He and I said it was tattooed across his back. Of course it was old English font.

She had to. I'm picturing it like it was in Comic Sans. You don't get Time's new Roman Jordan tattooed across his back. Yeah, he had b---- wingdings. I'm thinking like, I'm thinking to wear like the- Take out b---- eyes, because then it's like, people I went to high school with, we do as we wish. OK, all right.

Let's kill the nos. Well, they know, because they heard the story. Yeah, they will know. They know. Well, they know. Yeah. They heard the story. Yeah, they will know. That's great. This episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Stitch Fix. Shopping is hard. It's kind of fun to go shopping sometimes, but like if I want to look good, if I need like jeans, for example,

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Stitch Fix makes it all so easy and you should give it a shot. There's no reason not to. Make style easy. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash all fantasy. That's stitchfix.com slash all fantasy. Sean Jordan, your third pick. This wasn't on my list, but I thought of one

and after David's, but the mother who lifted a car off her kid. Oh yeah. There's absolutely no way. Sorry, I'm sorry. I know. I know. You're gonna mess with the mama bears.

You're gonna mess with the hot hashtag mama bears. Yeah, why don't you tell Laura it never happened? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, why don't you walk in there? Tell your wife? She couldn't save your daughter Yeah, I know she's not home. You vision got blurry. That was the... Oh man! Seriously, I got like tunnel vision for a second. Whether it happened or not, it's absolutely a legend. It's crazy. I've never, I gotta do some digging.

I've never seen an article like a real one. No, I never, I don't know anything about it either. No disrespect. I'm not saying that it's not, you couldn't live something, but I'm just- Yo, I just found a story that says it did happen. Yo. It's called Hysterical Strength,

and it's 100% not made up. It wasn't on there. It just says it right here. He didn't do a lot of digging either. It just says AI right next to it. 100% true, AI. It's not the AI one. I went deeper. You know I don't stop at AI.

You scroll down an inch. There's Angela Cavallo. Yeah. You lift the car four inches off the ground. You have to drag your son to safety. Was it a golf cart? Was there mud involved? I mean, there's a Chevy Impala. Don, why do you choose not to believe?

I choose not to believe. Listen, listen. Where's your son enjoying a wonder? I, trust me, I want to believe it. I'm just saying it's a tall tale. Eight mile didn't happen like that and this is a tall tale, I'm just saying. Well, the Colonel said it happened like that.

He's insane. Here's another example, 2012. Lauren Karnacki, a 22-year-old woman in Glen Allen, Virginia, raised a BMW off her father. Well, that's not what I said. Seven years earlier, a man named Tom Boyle hosted a Chevy Camaro. I said kid.

I think I could get an iRock up. I do think, if one of you guys was trapped under an iROC, some guy was showing off trying to get pussy or something, I think I could. To probably do like a Toyota K truck, like one of those tiny ones. I tried to lift a car with 20, Ian you were there, with 20 other people and we couldn't do it.

What were the stakes? Exactly. It was on a train track. We lifted, we couldn't lift it, we were trying to pick up a car. We couldn't lift, no we weren't, we couldn't lift, we were trying to pick up a car. We couldn't lift, no we weren't. We lifted the back end, 20 of us, barely. And then we tried to lift the front end,

we couldn't do it because the engine was in there. We tried to lift both ends and get it off the train tracks so it could be driven. Well the stakes weren't high enough. Bunch of skateboarders, dude. You haven't used your legs in fucking years. What are you talking about? It was worse than that, Alec.

It was stand up comedians at a festival. Oh my God, dude. At about four in the morning after somebody drunkenly drove their car onto the train tracks. Onto the train tracks. Ha ha ha, rock tune. I guess it was like Billy Wayne Davis, Fairbanks. Like we're not talking about the Big Buff comics,

if there are any. We're not talking about like. Big Buff comics? I don't know, who's, I don't know. Pretty much just if you're Ian Carmel type. Who's strong? Ian Carmel, yeah. Yeah, you're Alec Bland. Talking about like comics. I don't know who like who's I don't know pretty much Carmel yeah Be like a pillowcase in the hockey world, I think cover anything, dude. You're not getting any of this best. You put me over your head.

I dropped an article in the chat that's really, about how it's possible, Sean, if you wanna do a little reading. That does not invalidate this pic whatsoever, by the way. Total legend, but interesting, interesting that it is possible. And I like all these pics too. I just don't like how Sean's being like,

and that's just what had happened. Yes, very negative, for a very positive, the most optimistic and happy person I know. Yeah. I'm having a good time. I'm very happy. Keep looking at the door. Laura's gonna come home.

And then she's picking clock. She's coming gone because she's banking on me to show up on time to pick up Max. That's right. That's happening with the dick sucking stuff. Alright. Seriously, almost passed out. Alright. I'm gonna go with a classic.

Wade Boggs, 141 Bs on Legend. Oh, where's your sense of wonder? It was like cross country, right? I think it happened. Well, that's what I think. I think he did it. I don't see why he couldn't. I mean, at the end of the day, I'm not not listen. I'm not a scientist. I'm like, you know barely even a reliable guy like but like Altitude has to have something to do with your ability to get fresh beds You know drink a shitload of booze in the air for sure I think you can you could drink a lot if it's cross-country. I'm talking five and a half hours

Hmm. I don't see why I can't be done How many how many was Frost Country, I'm talking five and a half hours. I don't see why it can't be done. What are we thinking? If you're drinking like 10 an hour, that's... How many was it? Yeah. How many? 10 hours. Well, the number varies. The number varies.

There's 107. I've seen like 64. There's like 73. 64 is very attainable. But I don't think he was trying to prove a point. I think he was just having drinks. Yes. He wasn't like going for a record. So... No, he was just trying to prove a point. I think he was just having drinks. He wasn't going for a record.

No, he was just going to California. Yeah. That's just what you did in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just like, was my third time flying? I might as well black out so I don't have to remember any of this. I wonder how many you could do.

How many beers you could drink in five and a half hours if you were trying to prove a point. We used to shotgun them all the time. We do like 10, 10, 20 in a, in a couple hour period, maybe. I think it comes down to enjoyment though. I think if you are trying to prove a point, like you said, I would get two in my own head because I'm like, I have a goal I'm trying to attain. Whereas like Wade, Wade probably got out the fucking NISC master or whatever they were, the walk man. He put on some Steely

Dan and he was just crushing BL smoothies like nobody's business. Oh wait, are we talking about he was by himself? I always assumed he was like with people hanging out having fun. It's like a team fight. Wade Boggs has spoken about this. Do you want to hear the quotes? I would love to hear the quotes. It was on one of those flights from Boston to LA and playing blackjack on the plane with a bunch of the guys.

And I just started and I didn't know that one of the other guys was counting. And he said, Boggs, do you realize that you're at 45 right now? And I think we had another hour or so to go on the flight. So it was 73 for the flight. I mean, that's electric. Then he says then we went out and had a good time in California so we went to 107 beers so that was that was the one day.

Then he says the next day Mark Langston was pitching and I went two for three with two doubles off him. That is insane. Absolute legend. That's a ledging move. Yeah, that's a good, that's a tall tale. That's wild. Other major league ballplayers have come to his defense and said, yeah, yeah, that seems like something Boggs could do. Yeah, yeah, that's Wade, he had a problem.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Excellent pick. Thank you, all right. Time for Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Excellent pick. Thank you. All right. Time for my third pick. I'm gonna take Earl the Goat, Manigault.

Grabbing him off the backboard, out of the top of the backboard. Grabbing pennies off the backboard. Yeah. But his whole legend, like just in general, this is the guy like widely considered to be the best player to never make the NBA. He was like a New York City park legend,

literally like played with Rucker, who Rucker Park is named after. But he just kind of, he was like one of the most gifted athletes in the history of New York basketball. He was six foot one. They said he could grab coins off the top of the backboard. He could jump so high. And he just got into trouble at first, weed,

and then he developed a heroin addiction and all this stuff. So his entire life turned into this, what could have been a story when like all these people who did make the NBA, who like knew him and played there, like that was the best guy I ever played my entire life. Didn't they say he jumped over a car? Like he was early to do that? Yeah, like he was doing all that stuff.

He dumped over a car like in the 70s or some shit? Literally like got turned into a tall tale, like a figure of Americana, but for like New York City street ball. Of like, yeah, jumping over cars, grabbing coins off like the back of stuff that's like mythology, you know? People saw him do it, apparently.

He really did it. That's awesome. I love those guys, dude. Yeah. It's amazing. You got to. I mean, there's a core layer to this that maybe is worth bringing up now,

although I don't wanna take him if somebody else is gonna take him. There's another athlete who's like this. Can I just? BJ? Bo Jackson. Oh, yeah, yeah BJ Bo Jackson Where they were like he threw a rock and killed a bird

That's old Alabama though, you know what I mean? That's old Alabama. Speaking of which, we've been talking about Randy Johnson hitting a bird with a baseball recently. Did you see that, there was like a motocross race recently where there was a seagull flying across the field of play, I got, or the racetrack, and the guy in the lead head-butted the seagull out of the way? Whoa. God damn. Gave one of those?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Couple people sent that over. That's what you're really glad you had. You had some of your monster energy drink beforehand, dude. Those guys are probably jacked up on energy drinks. Oh, general. Everybody's getting pregnant that night. That transitioned seamlessly into my fourth pick.

Ah, set you up. Freshman year. I saw this one happen with my own two wives. So this fucking happened, by the way. Freshman year of college. Southern Oregon University. We you know, you have food. You don't buy lunch, dinner with money.

You have points that your parents load up with money. At the end of the term, this guy Schminck. Yes. Was on the Southern Oregon University football team. Big dude. At the end of the term, this guy Schminck was on the Southern Oregon University football team. Big dude, big galoot. We were all hanging out in the lobby of the dorm, Green Springs. And one of our other friends,

I can't even remember who it was, like, man, I still have like all this money left on my card at the end of the term. So we went to the student store and like cleaned them out. And we had a buffet of like snacks and soda and Red Bull. They had like all these Red Bulls and we bought like 30 Red Bulls. And you know, everybody had a couple

and then there were like 14 Red Bulls left over. And Shmink drank all 14 Red Bulls in one sitting. God damn it. I fucking saw it happen. That has to be. And Red Bulls were like. And we never saw him again. We never saw him again.

If I remember this story right. That had to give him wings. It did not give him wings. It did give him heart palpitations. I think he went to the hospital. I actually moved in. I got a text Nam Pei. I got a text Schminck.

I got a text Nam Pei. I got a text Nam Pei. I got a text Nam Pei. I got a text Nam Pei. I got a text palpitations. I think he went to the hospital. I actually moved it. Let me, I gotta text Nam Pei. I gotta text Schmink. I don't know if you can text Schmink anymore. We used to drink Red Bulls at work, at call center, and we'd make Red Bull pyramids every day. So we'd, cause I dated a girl that worked for Red Bull,

so she'd give me like pallets of Red Bull. So I'd just bring in cases to work, and we would have like Red Bull drinking contests at work and just make pyramids. And then they told us we had to stop doing it because we were getting too. We were drinking Rockstar Juiced at the call center. Man, Rockstar Juiced.

Yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah. Monster M80s, that was a bad time in my life. Bad. So, Shmink dude, I So, Shmink, dude. I'm taking Shmink, a tall tale, a legend I saw happen in person,

and when Nick texts me back, I will let you know what the update is, because he has a better memory than me. Shout out to Shmink. Shout out to Shmink wherever you are, man. Alec, time for your fourth pick. All right, I'm going back into regional folklore. Here, folklore. I'm gonna go into regional folklore, here folklore.

I'm gonna go Ichabod Crane, headless horseman. The guy who could not get a blow job to save his life. If he could find his head, he could just put it right in his dick. The guy who tried to suck his own dick, wouldn't be hard as his head fell off. Getting blown by a pumpkin now. He could just use it like a little pocket pussy. Yeah.

I don't like the way you said pocket pussy. Yeah, that sucked. Say it with your chest if you're gonna say it. He's here, I can't. Oh, she's here. The tone has changed, okay. Listen, you guys, stop being so lewd. This is a family podcast.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know, it might be a little bit lame, but I do, you know what I really enjoy? I enjoy always looking at the headless horseman when I'm drinking a shipyard pumpkin beer. So that always makes me feel good and it makes me feel good about fall. And I don't know if it's true or not. I'll choose to believe kind of anything. I imagine that this headless horseman must have just been like a little person at the time. And they were like, we don't know. I don't think they make short clothes. So he's just, I guess he's only gotten this far up

and he's seeing through the shirt buttons. But a nice little boy. And that's my pick. Really not great. I love it. It's a very cozy, it's the coziest one. Like when the headless horseman starts rolling around, you're like, it's autumn.

It's autumn. He's in a pretty good fucking Tim Burton movie. Sleepy Hollow? Sleepy Hollow's pretty good. Yeah. All right, that's my pick, it's autumn. It's all pretty good fucking Tim Burton movie. Sleepy Hollow? Sleepy Hollow is pretty good. Yeah. All right. That's my pick short and sweet I'll I'll try and get him on number five Nick says that Schminck didn't go to the hospital He just had to go outside to play basketball because he had to move he could not sit still You're probably all making fun of him sit here and take it loser Sit like the rest of us Sean time for your fourth pick You're probably all making fun of him. Sit here and take it, loser. Shout out to our boy.

Sit like the rest of us. Sean, time for your fourth pick. The kid at the other school, or the kid who punched a teacher. That was always one. Ooh. A plus. Yeah.

I mean, we knew it. There was a kid, like, I swear, I didn't see it, but a kid in our school punched the vice principal, allegedly, and he was huge. He was bigger than the dude, and I'm like, sure. He's in prison now. I mean, it all checks out. Yeah, it all checks out, but I'm like, that's crazy.

This is middle school, so an eighth grader lays you out, kinda, and you can't, I had just nuts to think about. I can't, yeah, you know, like. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? And if you're. Well, maybe you guys teach? No.

I used to teach, dude. I taught Taekwondo a little bit. I used to get in kids' face. I'd be like, yo, fuck it. I'd be like, try it, dude. You, our fucking softball coach, when I was in, I was probably a sixth grader, our softball coach spit on a kid and told him to try it.

Our softball coach was probably 18, his name was Sean too, and he spit on Chris, and he was him to try it. Our softball coach is probably 18, his name was Sean too, and he spit on Chris and he's like, try it. And then Chris started crying because we were 12. And it's like, yeah, man. Yeah, that's too much. You need a little bit of that. Oh, no, I'm going, nevermind.

Yeah, that's too much. 12 is young though. 12 is too much. 12 is young. My kids were like, 15? My kids were 15 and I was like, never spit on it.

By the way, spit's the ultimate disrespect, but there were a couple of kids that were trying to get, they were bigger than me and I just go, try it. I was literally looking at them and I go, I have nothing to lose. Yeah. I teach here. I'm here right now. I teach here.

I shouldn't be teaching here. I blew my shot, all right? You still got your whole future ahead of you. Look at me. I'm the last line of defense between you and a borderline homeless person teaching this class You can try it fuck you up Now kids like I will fuck you up dude, I can tell you and then and you wonder why they laid me off

I don't know why Now if you want I don't want to rush you guys. I feel bad. I have to go in one minute. Oh! What David do- I mean let's do it. Let's get out of here. You want to just do it? Okay, okay. Let's fucking roll. Ah, fourth pick. I am taking- when I first started comedy, he's dead now, but shout out to Kabeezy, the guy who never bombed. Everybody in the comedy scene was like, he's never bombed. Guy who never bombed is so good. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Like, he's never bombed everybody in the oh yeah, yeah, he's never bombed. I am a bomb is so good. Yeah, absolutely

Yeah, yeah Like really and they're like everybody's like yeah, I never seen him bomb and then lastly as a 38 year old man Oh guy who lost a hundred pounds just quitting drinking soda. Oh, yeah, I just said that the other day and Laura's like it's more than soda. Yeah my face. Oh Cuz she loves you it was Breaking I was like, yeah, I'm gonna cut out soda and she's like it's more than that You at work you offered a drink pints of hot sauce, it's not Soda when you're in there with your friends talking about sucking your own dick Keeps a roof over this

My dick and my normal one Candyman. Hahaha! Hahaha! Open with a movie, close with a movie. Let's bring it back down to serious. I mean Bloody Mary, but Candyman's Danker, so Candyman. Alright Candyman it is. If you got a jet, you got a jet.

Alec! Time for your final pick. I'm gonna go along the lines of Bory, I'm gonna freestyle on this last one. I'm gonna say this guy at the local mic scene I mean, I think Bori knows him uncle Polly Shout out there's one in every scene Hold an old mood who's there every night and I watched this guy one time Walk two tables of people before the mic started. It was the most insane shit I've ever seen.

Bro, two big tables. Alright, I gotta go. Love you, boy. Love you. Love you. But literally two big tables of people. He went up and started talking to them and then they both left before the mic started. The old man of the scene. I watched it happen. I go, oh my god.

What is this? Didn't he also always write his own like zine or something like that? I think he was he had a radio station. You're also you're thinking of Mike Coppolino and they're interchangeable. Yeah, that is one. Mike Coppolino's. Yeah, you always got the old dude at the mic who's just like. The old dudes. Yeah, you're like, we have this guy Mark the Musterman Kikel if he's listening. Hello.'s, yeah. You've always got the old dude at the mic who's just like. The old dudes. Yeah, you're like, what are you doing? We have this guy, Mark the Mustard Man Keichel, if he's listening, hello. Oh yes.

That's a complicated name. He used to give, it's a complicated name, but he carried himself like the, sort of the comedian emeritus of the Portland comedy scene because he had done Letterman, but he had done Letterman and stupid human tricks. He went on and ate a jar of mustard. But he carried himself as though

he had been a comedian on Letterman. Shout out to those old comedians with bullshit credits, man. Shout out. Oh, those guys used to really spend a lot of time listening to those guys for no fucking reason. Just tell it like it is. Yeah, I know Eddie Brill. I know Eddie Brill. I know Eddie Brill.

Yeah. Stuff that once you get to a certain level, you're like, that's not even impressive. You know, you're just like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I got hammered with Larry Tribble, whatever his first name is, like a hundred times. David Tribble.

David Tribble, yeah. Oh man, Tribble run. Did you ever do that? Never did. Me either. Never did. There either. Never did. There was a time where I was gonna quit doing comedy in San Francisco and just do,

I was like, if I could just figure out how to just do Tribble Runs, then I'm making money. That's all I want out of life, is making money doing comedy, right? That is a ladder that goes right to a ceiling, man. That is... Oh man. Just opening new casinos in Snoqualmie, Washington.

We had this other guy, when I first, first started in Manchester, New Hampshire, his name was Crispy, also would go by Chris T. But this guy would bring a big storage container full of props on stage and just be the most blacked out human being of all time. This was a five foot tall old man. You would get up there and you'd go, this rubber chicken reminds me of my pee pee. And I think my mom touched it once time.

Anyway, he would just go, what's going on? Open my comedy dog. We had a guy named Myron the moron who like, he would make a fake dick and have it filled with paint and then he would pull it out and like squirt it all over. He would have to put a tarp down and then one time he put the tarp down and he actually pissed on the tarp and then they kicked him out of the mic. They were like, they were like, we can't, this is not, we can't have this happen here. Oh my God.

But he was like crazy. I remember one time Hannibal came to our mic and he like put it on Instagram and everybody's like, Myron's about to blow up, dude. Myron's about to blow up, dude. Hannibal, he's on Hannibal's Instagram. Hannibal sees something we don't. Yeah, which is funny,

because that same night Hannibal got me an agent. Yeah! All right! One of us is still doing comedy. It's Myron. But you did steal an act. You do whip out a fake dick and pee on a tarp. I do pee on a tarp.

No, he was the nicest guy, too. I think he was always almost so crazy, because his life was real normal. Because you'd talk to him, really nice guy, but yeah, crazy act. Yeah, how funny would it be if you just start stealing like old ass open mic guys, like bits and then the dog, like if I just say, if I brought Christie's attainer of things on stage, I was just like, he'll never know.

I think she touched it once. I think she touched it. I'm like, Hey man, you had it. That specific like kind of joke is like giving me PTSD Open mic PTSD of like that person is like wow, that's not that feels more like a confession. Yeah, then What's going on like but you're so uncomfortable that you laugh? Yeah Yeah, haha. Yeah, cuz you know like you're doing It's dive bar where everybody in there is fucked up. So you're like huge at that dive bar

Yeah, that's how myron would come people would like come but then you realize they're like Oh, these are college kids who are fucking blacked out who think that you know what I mean? Yeah for sure They're not like nobody's like wants to say no real Vespians like me Not know where's a ball They're not like nobody's like wants to see real thespians like me With my final pick I'm going to take the top name on my board when we before we started this dress I gotta give him respect taking Paul Bunyan the original And the big blue ox girlfriend I DB, DB and Jake. And the big blue ox. Did he have a girlfriend? I think in later fictionalized versions he did, but I think in the original story,

later fictionalized ones, not like the real Paul Bunyan. Paul Bunyan. I don't know. Known in cell Paul Bunyan. Yeah, dude, he's. He was running from something, that's all I'm saying. Let's cut all the trees, I don't care about anything. I'm fine, I'm fine. Let's cut all the trees. I don't care about anything. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Fine. Then women can't use them. Yeah. Well, I just love that his feats ranged from he ate 100 pancakes once and then to he created the Grand Canyon by wrestling with his giant blue ox. Like those were both.

He's just like a great American. Like when people were so captivated by the West, you know, such an unknown. Huge dudes? Yeah, and it combines huge dudes in the mystery of the unknown and it's, I don't know, I just really, I love the Paul Bunyan myth. I think it's really fun. I have that Paul Bunyan, Stephen Kellogg book when I was a kid.

I don't know if I know that one. You remember, you do remember Stephen Kellogg. If you look about, you remember the illustrations I Think I know you oh yes, I do yes. I do yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also had that book. Yeah, I Shit man. I love a good tall tale legend man It's so fun. I was in Oklahoma. They had this guy Jeremiah Johnson That they would just say crazy shit about and I think it was like I never really understood it because they're dumb down there but They made a Robert Redford movie called Jeremiah Johnson. I wonder if it's the same deal. I wonder

Those were University of Oregon running back. There's Isaac. What's up, bro? What's up, bro? Hey, you got a pick for us? Sure I can't believe nobody picked Will Chamberlain sleeping with 20,000 women Stuff that maybe didn't happen yeah Also, I feel like that was so much in my personal life You know what I mean? I just I'm always talking about yeah, because I was like when is David gonna break the record I'm always talking about yeah, because I was like when is David gonna break the record No way that could happen that's that's too many people I'm almost I'm almost said like you know

12 yeah If I stay on pace and I'm 110? Yeah, I stay on pace and I hit. And I'm 100. From like 400 years old? I got it, dude. I got it, dude. No problem. By then you'll be able to fuck anybody, dude. All you have to do is just get in line for Bonnie Blue. Yeah. Every day. You just gotta convince 20,000 women to pull that stunt.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I've been lining up a... I've been setting up a USC dude. Nobody's taking. Patience, patience, but you gotta give a seed a chance to grow. Excellent pick Iceman. To recap the picks, David, you went first. You took the kid who can get a Coke out of the machine with his arm.

The kid who blocked another kid so hard he puked on a trap block. The kid who, the guy who stole his own car back from the impound lot, the comedian who never bombed, and the guy who lost a hundred pounds just by quitting soda. Sean went second, and he left because he has to be a dad. He took the movie Eight Mile. Mermaids, the mother who lifts a car,

the kid who lifts a car, the kid who punched a teacher, and Candyman. Alex Flynn, you took the overhead light in the car as illegal, the curse of the KFC Colonel, Wade Boggs is 141 beers, or it was whatever the amount, 110. 73? 73 on the plane, 107 for the day. So we had another 40 beers after that.

Ichabod Crane and the legend of this headless horseman and then basically the old man of the scene the comedy scene guy Yeah, old man comedy scene guy the legend. Yeah Fucking that's a legend the legend that that is a legend that is a also a cautionary tale oftentimes Then you know what the guy and the old guy in the scene reminds me of so much you guys remember Pirates of the Caribbean Bootstrap bill how he comes out of the wall That's to me the old guy in the comedy see the open mic seat. He's always like You know, I run a show

Open mics with Mosha Katcha. I went last and I took the kid who can blow himself. The dude who can blow himself. The kid whose uncle is famous. Earl the Goat, Manigault, Schminck and Paul Bunyan. We want to hear your picks. We want to hear all of yours, all Fantasy Nation. I don't like that.

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["Sick and the Sick"] ["Sick and the Sick"] ["Sick and the Sick"] ["Sick and the Sick"] ["Sick and the Sick"] ["Sick and the Sick"] That was a hate gum podcast.