All Fantasy Everything - Things for Kids That Adults Love (w/ David Gborie & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things for kids that adults love. Because why box ourselves in, for God's sake? I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and I'm joined, as always, by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Bordy. Let's get into it.

Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is mere hours at this point. From taking a trip to the hospital and having labor induced on its fiancé. Yeah, man. You know, we're going to have the first kid. The family's having a kid. I'm excited. I'm terrified

absolutely you know i feel like we've been a good beacon of not only hilarity but people embracing their feelings and showing that it's okay to show in which is a condiment we decided earlier on sorry to interrupt oh dude i gotta i gotta tell you guys proven remind me to tell you the story about how i messed up another like i did another caution to the wind situation but before i do that i just i feel like we've let people know that it's okay to show your emotions and cry and all that and uh i've been crying i've been emotional i'm terrified and so i've been thinking about this a lot and i've been thinking about you guys i'm extreme i just texted david the other night i was like i miss you man i'm emotional uh so i mean i even though i just saw you yesterday yeah david was like fuck that noise it's pretty cool it's pretty cool

sean's been crying because the paternity test came back and it is the rat's baby yeah so now yeah man i knew it wasn't mine i haven't had a boner in years now you gotta raise this rat's baby and it's there's layers there there's a lot of layers well yeah it's you know whatever it's a member of the family regardless so i'm very happy about it now if you two could please do me a favor or wait i might have told you in this david if you could do me a favor if i were to tell you that a very smart person is considered a road scholar will you please spell that phrase for me r-h-o-d-e-s man a big part of me was hoping you thought it was R-O-A-D like I did.

Oh, no. Laura stopped. I said it. We're watching Grey's Anatomy. We're watching Grey's Anatomy. And I was like, what are they? I think I'm a Rhodes Scholar over here. And she stopped.

She goes, you say road or roads? And I looked at her and I go, I didn't want to lie. But I knew I stepped in it. But I was like, road. Yeah, the fact she said it. She was was looking for that she was looking for that one because then she laughed until she cried she doesn't do that shit road scholar it runs into each other it's not like you need to say road scholar or road you know it's road scholar so she was she was like you said it she was like ah here's this idiot yeah

yeah yeah i believe this oyster contains a pearl and i get the idea of like a road scholar like oh yeah he studied the streets he's very savvy i understand i understand that that makes sense to me in my mind that's what it was i was like somebody who like who's been around you know knows i thought it was slang i didn't know it was a thing a real thing i thought it was slang logic would dictate you would never assume like oh it's a it's a scholarship to let you go study at oxford named after some dude named roads maybe or the colossus of roads some ancient grecian city where yeah where books were important and stuff like that i sure didn't know that so sure and then she laughed till she cried like pretty hard and then she apologized i was like don't

please don't apologize it's hilarious i love it i love that you're doing this yeah uh and now i know knowing is half the battle yeah and then i just told millions of people you see millions millions people listen yeah millions yeah we have millions of listeners it might be a b we might be getting the jay-z numbers yeah yeah i think so well after that title playlist you may did i think we i think we're definitely heard a jay-z song what song did i hear david that i sent you that i've never heard before i don't know it's dmx jay-z and naz it's so good bath salts i remember that yes bath salts it is so good wait did it just come out it just came out right yeah i think it just came out like a few weeks ago oh i don't

know what that you're thinking are you thinking of that song where they say bath salts yeah bath salts i'm thinking i was thinking a lemon yeah that's all i didn't know this song just came out that makes me feel better than uh all right cool i'm up on it dude i'm up on title too what's up i just don't have a playlist what does jay-z say intermittent fast fasting but these mills look mills ain't catching up or something like that something like that sure a lot of good a lot of real strong bars in that song jay-z's not the only person who's been rapping lately yeah man it's gonna you guys you get ready to hear it david can you you're about to be a father tomorrow can you

bust one for me bust it open for a real one sean what rap for you what did you think i was saying what have i ever just freestyled on the show it's never dank i recorded a rap do your do one of your verses then dude you know i know you have a memory i still put it you got them in the holster come on no nobody hears until it's done nope it's gotta be done yeah it's not it's no no finishing touches gotta be mixed and mastered no we still gotta do okay i thought it was done and it is like no we we definitely there's definitely more stuff than needed i need to go in and like re-record a couple like drops i guess where i don't know i don't know the lingo i just man i just rap you know yeah i get you it's not technical it's not on you it's in you

no i just you throw me in the booth you know i just learned it's lakeith stanfield that plays snoop in straight out of compton i didn't know that do you know that i did know that i didn't know that yeah i had no idea i don't remember that movie as well as I probably should. Yeah. I've seen it like a hundred times. It was so long. I've seen the whole thing probably seriously 30 times through. I love it.

I do want the people to know I have heard the Sean Jordan rap song. Yeah. It's funny. Yeah, man. I liked it. I enjoy it. Yeah. It's can you give the title? Nike and Adidas. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah, man. I liked it. I enjoy it. Yeah. Can you give the title?

Nike and Adidas. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. Now, who's your influences? Is it like a Redman, Muddy Waters? Is it like a jazz-backed kind of thing? You know what's funny? Are you taken from like a Buju Banton, like a dancehall?

I couldn't even think of somebody I could remotely draw from. That's good. That sounds like an artist i've never been more scared to do like something i guess uh like speak into a mic i don't know what you'd call it i've been more scared to do things like i've been in fights and stuff but this way i was terrified i was pouring sweat and isaac had to keep yelling at me it was just like fucking like rap into the like do it rap like yell i was like i can't do it dude it took a while god i wish i could have seen that it would have been me i would have loved to have been in that room i feel like it was like hustle and flow like he was like push that shit out he pretty much was he yelled he raised his voice a few times he's like i'm sorry man i'm not trying to i'm just trying to get it out of you and then when i would

do it though he'd be like, yes, yes. And he would stand up. He's like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. That's exactly what I'm talking about. That's exciting. It was fun, man. I feel like it was like Eddie Murphy and Rick James when they recorded Party all the time. Yeah.

You guys were doing a lot of coke, right? Like a lot. Yeah, man. Like a lot. Yeah. We had guns. We were just holding them. I was holding guns.

like a lot yeah we had guns like we were just holding them i was holding guns having heard it i will say that the the strongest influence on the rap is sean jordan it is it's it's it's it's sean jordan doing a rap song it's exactly if you picture that it's what it is i can't that's that's the hard part i'm having it sounds like i'm talking he doesn't turn into someone else when he's right it's it's him but rapping okay i like that yeah i like that i want you to hear it that's why i love young doll you'll hear what i mean i want you to hear it for the first time like on either on the show or live like in my mind i'm gonna hold it can i be holding your daughter when i hear that for the first time ah she ain't gonna be there but in my mind it's gonna going to hold it. Can I be holding your daughter when I hear that for the first time? She ain't going to be there.

In my mind, it's going to be in Denver at high planes. We play it for the whole crowd and for you for the first time. Speaking of which tickets will, I will, well, we've got, we're,

we're, we're putting together some live shows. And so we'll have some announcements about that soon, which we will. I don't know how it works for, uh, high planes. Cause it's a comedy comedy festival but for the patreon people first we will be making those tickets and and dates available uh first for people but yeah we're gonna start getting getting together again doing

shows again it's gonna be it's gonna be fun so keep a lookout for that the world is coming back dog it's coming back yeah uh one of those people who the world's coming back and getting much realer for is sean s jordan on twitter sean cooter melon jordan on instagram sean hospital food for fun uh on the on the lunch and the dinner tomorrow and maybe the next day too yeah yeah it could be a long time looking like she's gonna be born on 69 man so do what you want with that info i already told you we will i promise to never tell her what that means yeah i ain't gonna let her know i promise that's my that's my oath to you i mean she's gonna be a public school kid so she'll find out she'll find out real young like i did i'm sure she ain't going she ain't

going to private school i'll tell you that i didn't know what it actually meant for a long time to be fair i knew it was like sex thing yeah i was like oh 69 but i didn't know it was like double chomp down till till much later with no but with my beaverton upbringing i was fairly clear on what whining and dining were but the i just it's what that's saying what a what a crazy expectation if you just wine and dine someone for the first time and then you expect to go 69 them pretty wild it's a wild move it's always a wild opener it's never it's a no it's a wild opener closer it's wild at any point it never it's wild to ever expect it or to engage in it if you've engaged in it i can't imagine nobody feels you never lose yourself in a 69 you can't unless you're drunk right you have to be i don't know man i've been pretty tore up

and i don't think you can even lose yourself then i don't i mean it's like it's one of those things am i eating dinner or am i making dinner you know what i mean like i feel like what would it be here they're both the schlemiel and the schlemazel doing a 69 is like wearing a shirt that you know you're not pulling it off the whole time it's happening you're like am i doing this you're bummed am i really doing this out loud a couple times you say paisley was a weird choice it's got betty boot playing pool on the back are the sleeves supposed to be this flowy this is too flowy i'm in my 30s what is this shirt what is this i knew i shouldn't have dried it i knew i should have hung it out but i put it in the dryer and now it's ill-fitting. And I... I feel lumpy right now.

Yeah, man. I feel like everybody can see my nipples. These are things you can say during both the 69 and well-wearing. Are you talking about me at the hospital tomorrow? Yeah, true. That's right. Well, you're going to be breastfeeding other people's kids first, right? Yeah. I'm going to wear that Dame jersey that you gave me. Yeah. I'm going to let

them know real quick what kind of dad I'm going to be great dame jersey white adidas track pants you're gonna be the kind of well well while you are wearing uh sporting good equipment at the hospital you will not be attending any of your child's games no i will do a very poor job of concealing my vape that i have in the delivery room that kind of thing why does it smell like cotton candy in here i don't know you know that kind of stuff i don't even know are you gonna take your shoes off i don't know do you do that i don't know but it feels like you're not supposed to have your shoes on when babies are born i don't know like i'll be i'm not sure the science behind what i just said whatever they up they up shirts coming off for real.

I mean, as soon as they say shirts coming off and that kid's getting on my skin. Well, I talked, I called the hospital and they gave, uh, they gave the go ahead to you standing on top of a log, like a,

a upright kind of a pylon doing martial arts without a shirt on while your baby's born. Like karate kid. So, so the baby comes out and that's the first thing she, she sees is that silhouetted. It's you just like martial arts, you know. That's important.

Picture me rolling. It's going to be playing pretty much from when I walk in till I leave. Just so I make sure that that's all she hears the whole time. Picture me rolling. That's right. A laid back kind of life. You know, I feel like that'll get her off on the right foot. Man, this is exciting.

It's crazy. It is, man. It really is. I'm extremely emotional but i'm stoked i i was just thinking the other day like i don't sometimes i don't believe or i just i just so crazy all that i've made so many dumb choices and decisions in my life and done so much dumb shit not like real now i'm not like stolen cars and shit but i've done a lot of dumb stuff and to where you know i just look at where i ended up and i'm so happy and so grateful so this is i just calm myself down

you're gonna do great a lot of dumb people have had kids man and you're way smarter than all of them you don't dude i think about that i can't i can't rip off any names but i'm like well those fucking morons handled it i can't i seriously there's one there's one in particular where i was like oh well yeah i got it yeah i mean yeah sure it's like why it's like going to an open mic for the first time you're like oh they're doing stand-up okay i'm all right yeah i can totally have a career yeah he can't read yeah man do you have any shows or anything you want to promote sean

i have a show at botanist in portland on uh wednesday the 16th maybe next wednesday i guess the wednesday that this comes out the wednesday after this comes out uh then that no just chilling i'm probably gonna perform with you when you're here ian and david i'm gonna hop on your show too so fucking deal with it i'll put those dates out on the patreon first but then uh even my stand-up i'm out on the Patreon first, but I will then announce them shortly thereafter. Yeah. But those will probably sell out pretty quick. Easy.

What do you mean easy? I was just being a dick. I thought we were doing a thing. But no, your shows will sell out for sure. I missed a bit. They'll definitely sell out. Because I said it sold out. He was trying to fucking block my shine.

I didn't like it. Well, Malloy didn't sell out, so I figured if Malloy didn't sell out, then you have no chance. But it's neither here nor there. Malloy's claiming he sold more tickets than you did, though. He said that to me. He did, because they opened up tickets. I'd sold that kid with my eyes closed, but they opened up more tickets, so you know. If he

wants to see me, he can see me. He knows exactly what town I'm in, so he can come up and get it if he needs it. What was the capacity that Malloy didn't sell out? So, it was 100, I think, and then they opened it up so tickets at the door so he actually ended up selling like 130 but just so we're all clear i don't know i don't know if they'd open up that shit that's the sunday before memorial day too right so he's

doing he's doing all right shout out to shout out to the maloy yeah yeah no he's killing i was just i was just being uh being a it's just being a spark plug real spitfire you know well sean i mean you're flying off the handle here sean don't fucking yeah you're a father you're a father now you need to calm down he has kids you have a family to think about yeah man all right i'll start going to church all right cool all right all right all right james damn boring is here cool guy jokes 87 on instagram the g is silent on twitter how are you doing buddy yeah i am good man i am in town for like one night only was that in dream girls i think so yeah yeah i'm in town doing a thing and then i'm flying back to denver which i'm very excited about because starting

june 25th at the black buzzard faded denver is kicking off monthly yes first headliner jamelle johnson yeah go to faded comedy d-e-n for tickets when this comes out and we're gonna we're really excited to have a monthly going on in denver fight a comedy damn yeah and you're gonna make it back from bolivia in time for that right like that's a long flight i know what you're talking about i've never had a passport i don't i didn't stop didn't stop anyone from going to bolivia you know i can't have a passport after the fucking the utah incident well you you got pass portion i gotta pass portion i gotta pass up on talking to johnny law that's what i gotta pass are you bringing anyone in for faded denver are you is it just are you bringing anyone in like to host or are you just hosting it yourself i'm gonna host it so far we have jamel johnson

locked down we have some other names for the summer but i don't want to drop just because it's not like a hundred percent but it is going to be monthly the venue's great we're really excited we want to try to sell it out and just uh bring some people who have never been to denver out and see all your beautiful faces i'll drop the name ellen ellen's doing the second show she's doing it i didn't want to all right ellen all right ellen degeneres ellen claghorn and then ellen strickland williams which isen strickland williams which is alan strickland williams wearing a pantsuit and loud sneakers yeah same dance moves for sure very similar dance moves but yeah that's what i got and then uh yeah

other than that you know i'm out here just watch my socials and whatnot that's what I got. And then, yeah, other than that, you know, I'm out here. Just watch my socials and whatnot. That's going to be great. Yeah, man. I am Ian Carmel. I am Ian Carmel on Twitter. I am Ian Carmel on Instagram. I am Ian Carmel on Jewish Christian Mingle. Figure that out.

We got it. Messianic Jewish Christian Mingle. It's for the Messianic Jews. There's a lot of different Jews out there, and I embrace them all. I don't. But for the sake of this joke, do hard all right yeah dude i'm drawing i'm drawing lines in the sand dude i like you give a shit drawn get it done i'm about to be a friend uncle again you know so i gotta fucking i'm i'm becoming a hardliner too i know yeah front

front cool is like different yeah front cool's different i mean you're my you're by far my closest friend who's had a kid you guys are family you know who's gonna be her frunkle are my actual i don't know whoever would be her actual uncles i'm gonna be like those are your friends these are your uncles for real that's gonna be i'd prefer you call me a frunkle i think i've been calling you a frunkle i'll act as a as as a real uncle but i would prefer the frunkle nomenclature okay just like on like like when you describe me to the kids say from yeah okay from uncle dd your front and your front marissa frant front i say i say front. Front. Yeah.

Marissa, you want to be a front or a frant, Maris? I don't know if I love that name, but yeah, I would love to be the fun ant. Sure. Why didn't ask if you loved it? I was just saying, what do you want to be? Because it's one or the other, my friend. Hacker ant is cool. Hacker ant. Damn.

Hacker front. Now everybody's happy. It sounds like that Usher song, Lovers and Friends, but... Frankels in France. Oh, it's a good look, baby. You guys know the song. All right, Little Hype Williams presents. Your Frankels in France are coming over, so tidy up the playroom.

Put down that skateboard. Your Frankelles in France are coming over, so tidy up the playroom. Put down that skateboard. Your frunkles in France are coming over. Her full name is going to be Hyper Williams presents. Your frunkles in France are bringing some frips. Some frodas and some frotter melon. And some frachos. We're going to have a frarbecue. i think we should really keep for our forever it's gonna be like our our is a little bit it'll be for our like for barbecue will be like snoop dizzle for barbecue yeah yeah like our isle

for shizzle barbecue it's exciting i'm excited like my kids already not sleeping through the night energy you're coming i'm telling you i was telling marissa like i'm just off like i tripped the other day just walking i tripped i don't you know i don't fucking trip i earlier before this i was making a pb and j and i pulled out the j from the fridge and then laura walked got home and i was like down on my knees looking like digging in the fridge and i was like is there jelly in here are we out there's where's the jelly she's like did you maybe put it on the table already and i go well it sure looks like i did doesn't it and oh man i'm doing that's that's classic dad shit getting pissed about where's the jelly just walked in uh hey where's the fucking jelly

i put it right here your shirt's tucked in right i i feel like it i feel like your shirt's got to be tucked in by now yeah well it came untucked when i was frantically looking for the jelly it's right by that half of an onion that's been there since last labor day in the back of the fridge what kind of jelly was it blackberry oh you're a dad man dude what's your jelly what's your go-to dad me i don't really buy jelly like that to be honest that which sounds weird just started during uh quarantine because i was like pb and i think peanut butter and jelly are decent for you so i was like if i need snacks are they not i don't peanut butter is good for you right i don't think so and i don't think jelly it's just like sugar and fruit i think yeah i don't want to burst

your bottle or anything it's not well there's like a good one right is it is it jelly is okay and jam is bad they're both bad is which one is just syrup jam is just like syrup yeah it's better than it's better than me going being left to my own devices of ridiculous pairings that i might do late at night it's better than say a tortilla in alfredo sauce it's definitely better than that dipping funyuns and shoe polish or whatever you do i'm serious like you know nacho cheese and tortillas again that's all gonna suck it's all gonna be a tortilla but like i would get those big things like toast whatever the nacho cheese company is it's in the chip aisle you know i'd get those dip tortillas in them late at night like that's bad it's that's better than peanut butter and jelly

yeah gotta be worse anyway yeah well i'm not gonna rain on your parade but you'll not want to like exclusively eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches no i just like if i'm if i'm feeling peckish at night and it's more than like sometimes i'll just eat a few saltines that's something i'll do to curb a late night snack i'll have like three or four saltines it's more than that if it's more substantial around like 10 o'clock i'll have a peanut butter and jelly let me let me run this up the flagpole and see if you salute at it an apple uh-huh yeah an apple is not a late night thing for me i do like an apple in the middle of the day i've been doing it a lot lately yeah yeah no one saluted i'm sorry do you not like fruit though you don't like vegetables but you

i love fruit i love fruit absolutely love it we almost drafted fruits today and i would have yeah i would have had some picks. Here's another idea. A small handful of almonds. Yeah, I'd do that. There you go. There you go. Small handful of just raw almonds.

None of those like hickory smoked or wasabi or anything. Just some raw almonds. Here's where jams and jellies will get you. Because like there's just so much sugar in them. There's just so, and there's no fiber really. There's fiber in the bread. So what happens is your body will process the sugar almost immediately, which will cause your blood sugar to spike, which isn't good for you. Whereas if you eat fruit, that's why juice is bad for you, but fruit is kind of good for you.

Because like if you drink juice, it's just the sugar straight. the sugar straight whereas the if you eat fruit it's got fiber in it which is takes your body longer to process the sugar and it evens out the like blood sugar spike kind of thing you know one thing i've been doing a little a little uh easy thing that you can do that will make it easy so i love grapes a lot but i don't like a bunch of grapes to pick them i don't like standing there and pick them off the thing so now when we get a bag of grapes i'll them. I don't like standing there and pick them off the thing. So now when we get a bag of grapes, I'll pick all of them off and put them in a Tupperware. So they're all just loose grapes in this Tupperware. And then if I'm feeling peckish, I keep

stealing Zach's word. I will go get the Tupperware and I'll just eat grapes. I'll have like a handful or two of grapes and I don't have to pick them off the vine or whatever. And it makes it so much easier and more accessible. And you're telling me you have a kid tomorrow. Yeah. This all lines up you put your plucky grapes and putting them in tupperware i i cut up strawberries i pre-cut up strawberries planning i was like all right i'm gonna cut all

these up so they don't go bad put them in some tupperware and then when we want strawberries for dinner we don't have to cut the strawberries they're already cut and then it's just so much easier it's not like it's hard to cut strawberries so much easier when it's already done you know when you're just filling idle time my man's nesting yeah yes look out for my date soon i'll be doing some stand-up i'm getting back into stand-up and that will be announced again on our patreon first and then and then uh on twitter elsewhere and all that uh keep watching the late late show james corden keep listening to all fantasy everything where i uh remain and will remain i just found out into the into the next year uh the the show's kind of ed mcmahon so that'll be fun yeah uh my mustache is too long

it's getting into my mouth a little bit so that's the worst era i don't like that feeling i don't like it just know that as i'm as i'm recording this podcast if i seem a little bit off it's because there's a mustache in my mouth it looks strong it feels good but yeah it's uh it's a rough feeling the look of it feels good but the feel of it doesn't look good yeah damn now we are we are gathered here today not to fucking not to jeez that was deep as shit not to talk about mustache philosophy but to draft things that are for kids that you still like as an adult this was chosen by our wonderful patreon member shout out to you we love you this was a great topic uh yeah there were several great topics many of which i think we will we

will revisit but this was the one the patreon show 200 great suggestions by the way really it was it was the most that we've ever had there were 200 suggestions so thank you everybody can't wait to dig into those that's great um yeah man so that's what we're drafting now the way we determine the order of that draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the two of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissor shoot rock paper scissor shoot oh lucky you got a daughter coming fatherhood begins dude i'm your dad right now i will beat the shit out of you fuck that how's it sound how's it sound on me? Good, dude. You sound tough. Nurturing. Daddy, I'm hungry.

Fuck all that. Nah, kill that noise. Daddy, can I have some juice? Fuck all that noise, shorty. Go to bed. Oh, man. Yeah. I got weird energy.

Sean, for the listeners at home who couldn't infer, was the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors by his increased paternal energy. Now, Sean, as the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? It's a great question. I think it's going to be kind of like how I'll be pacing in the delivery room,

like waiting for things to go on. I honestly, I think it'll be a lot like that. I think I'll be, I don't think I'll be able to sit and chill and just watch movies. I think I'll be up a lot, but I'll be in the room. I won't want to go anywhere. So I'll just be like walking over to one side being like, yeah, it's like, you know, it's like a painting of a Multnomah Falls or maybe even a real picture of Multnomah Falls. And then I'll walk over a little bit and I'll be like, oh, they got USB ports on the TV. That's pretty cool. We can, maybe we can watch some Sweet Tooth, which is a new Netflix show we just started watching last night. It's pretty good, by the way. Then walk back to the other side of the room and be like, yeah, I guess I could sleep

here. They say it's a bed, but it's not really, but it's looks like I can fall asleep at some point. And then I'll walk over and I'll be like, I don't know why, I don't know why that number is what it is, but it is, you know, and then I'll just deal with it. And then I'll walk back over to the other side of the room and just kind of do that for what I hear for about 22 hours. And then, uh, and then I'll be a dad. I think that's labor from the guy's end. Yeah, that's your part.

Yeah, wearing a hole in the carpet. Carpeted delivery room. You pick third in the first round, you pick first in the second round is what that means. Now, Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of this be on this? The night before your daughter's birth. Is this Prima Noctaa did i get that wrong i think pre-monocta is you get to have sex with the bride on the night before tomato tomato yeah and this isn't pre-monocta

i bet you're not i bet you can't wait for that post-monocta though you know what i'm talking about what's the term for, like, 69ing? Anyway. A pregnant person? I don't think there is one. Yeah, there is. Impossible. There's no way.

There's no way that happens. Hakeem Olajuwon could do it. I'm going first. He could do it. David's second. That's what he's known for. Ian's third. Your first, David's second, Ian's third?

Yeah. Hot corner. Well, that is the order of the draft. And Sean, David, Ian, and we will get to Sean's first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a

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spelled B-A-B-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply welcome back to all fantasy everything does that how i usually do it i'm feeling a little off wait hold on but it gets me every time no it was good i liked it well no welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast wait no that's not what i do no jesus i'm way off i'm conflating yeah i'm all i'm all for i'm for cocta i'm for clemphed it's marissa pointed out that mercury is in retrograde which mercury is in retrograde do you guys believe in that stuff when mercury is in retrograde like people have slip-ups and accidents and all that i mean i don't really i have been drinking more gatorade. Yeah. Mercury is in Gatorade.

There's a lot of mercury in your Gatorade and that's exactly what's going on. I've been listening to welcome to the black parade. So see, so I do, but I do buy it. I've been watching welcome back. Carter. Yeah. Welcome back. Have you?

The sweat hogs? No, no. Okay. Sweat hogs. Why are you talking about my nipples like that? oh no okay sweat hogs why are you talking about my nipples like that doc is it cool we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything there it is it's the only podcast that has ever existed you know that you gotta leave it in because it's got the sweat hog stuff in there so leave the whole thing in mercury's a fucking retrograde dude leave the

whole hog in there the whole hog the whole sweat hog uh david let it soak baby soak the hog even without being a euphemism for penis that's gross sound gnarly yeah it doesn't matter if it's about dicks it's grosser if it's a real hog will you soak the real hog no yuck it's grosser if it's just a real hog grosser grosser grosser uh sean it is time for the first pick you have that first pick disneyland damn yeah yeah that's a great pick yeah i mean i get it for sure but it is it's definitely with children in mind and i mean adults myself included love that's not what uh several of the people on my drive to work who i see have a bunch of disney figurines in their window and stickers on the back would have you believe i think they would make the argument

it's very much for adults i i mean it was it was made for kids for sure you disagree oh no it's a no it's a good part yeah just making fun of those people yeah i just yeah i didn't know i was just gonna say i never met any like adults who disneyland was like their personality until i moved to southern california it's a big southern california thing yeah it's really people really go for it i love it i've only been a handful of times three i think to be exact but it was uh it's it's just so weird how adult it is like i the last time i went we were standing in line and a lady started talking to us about guns it was like pretty adult what yeah she just like muscles no just about how people should be allowed to have guns it was a it was a crazy whole thing and we were in line yeah i never told you guys that no i can't remember that

the details are foggy but yeah i mean we're standing in line because you get there right when it opens and so there was really nowhere to go to like bail on the gun conversation unless i wanted to lose you know go back like 80 people in line or whatever so yeah she just started talking about really out of nowhere just about how we should all be able like allowed to carry guns and i was like at disneyland she thought this was the thing to talk about there's pirates there david you have to be prepared for anything there i and there's a gang of loose orphans who kill them right there's loose orphans who who kill

pirates any one of us could be mistaken for a pirate most of all me with this fucking mustache yeah right now yeah all you need is a gold earring well you guys i wouldn't know i haven't been to disneyland as an adult i i i haven't been to a theme park really as an adult i'm i did get an email from one of the hood from somebody who works at a hotel near Disneyland saying they want me to come stay there for free. And they'll like it all part of the package is like tickets and everything too. Well, you got to go to whoever sent you that email,

feel free to forward it to me and I will take them up on that. This was a, this, this was a television hookup more than a podcast. Oh, I don't do, I don't do TV. So that's,

yeah, we're going to carefully. You're a father now. You don't do tv so that's yeah yeah we're gonna i'm careful you're a father now you don't know yeah i got yeah take food out of my baby's mouth i'll do it this was the one that where i was like this makes me feel the most like a kid because when i when you go there it does immediately you just feel like a child i did anyways and it's like that's the beauty of it you just feel so everything is so fun and so cool like the simp like the roger rabbit ride even like a lot of those a lot of the disneyland stuff is geared towards when i was a kid by the way like yeah

you know if a kid goes right now they they probably know who roger rabbit is because of that ride i guess there's like cars right that ride and stuff but a lot of it has been around so long because that shit's so hard to make like a new attraction is so hard to do that they just like well we just got all the old ones and i guess that was like toontown right was like roger abbott dude it's sick i mean that's exactly like several years after roger abbott came out because i remember when toontown came out as a kid that was like a big deal even though we all lived in portland people were like fucking toontown and i was like yeah yeah gotta get down there gotta get down there yeah absolutely yeah man all that shit like um it's just i was just so fun and just

go even going on the teacups when you're an adult you could like if you can weasel your way into the teacups oh it's just the best disneyland rules can't you kind of like torque the teacups so like like like you give them a jerk and then you spin faster or is that like uh they just want you to think yeah no absolutely it's one of those things where the the middle is is like solid and then the harder you crank on it the faster you're gonna spin careful that's how you got the first one uh yeah just so dope space mountain everything man and the food's not even that expensive at disneyland it's like normal price is is it really i've heard i heard people talk about it like it was fucking no super super spendy sorry i have to plug plug my computer and keep talking like i mean it was it was like a six dollar hot dog that's no you go that is a lot nah not for what

not for being somewhere. I mean, I understand a hot dog shouldn't be six bucks. Six? When you're buying food, you know what I mean? It's not expensive compared to any. I can't feel you. Well, you know what I mean? Compared to other places, like if you, if I were to go to the movie theater, it's going to be, it's going to cost more there to get a hot dog than it would at Disneyland.

That's the most expensive place for food though. I'm saying like you would think Disneyland is going to be like 20 bucks for a hot dog that's what people lead you to believe it's it's just fine like it's fine what when was the last time you went like like two and a half years ago probably laura and i went and it was sick we went like did like did it for real got up at eight like like got to the front door when it opened. Stayed the whole day and did that two days in a row. And it was sick. Definitely got our money's worth.

Like no fucking around either. Like running to rides. We're walking fast to rides. No downtime. Just like boom, boom, boom. Did you hug any of the mascots? I don't think we even saw any. Honestly, I maybe because they do the parade

we did watch the parade or the firework show or whatever they do at uh like right before closing at like 10 o'clock every night or something magical absolutely magical yeah yeah oh yes dude every single thing i love every part of it it's rad i'm curious what happens if you go with a kid and then you hate it like what if you take little chanterelle down there and then it's just like you're like this is the worst well that's why it looks like a bummer with a kid it would it would it would slow you down like we we had way more fun here before you it was way more fun without you having a stroller there would blow like one of those big ass strollers no way you keep shitting yourself you've never seen any of the movies like you're so you're just bragging you're just such a bummer here like you

i had to pay for all the food like you didn't even pitch in you've had new we were going on vacation not even any friendly conversation you know at this point just i bought you a frozen banana and it fell you let it fall to the ground you know i. I bought you a frozen banana and it fell. You let it fall to the ground. You know, I tried to bring you a frozen banana and I could not find any. Did I tell you that? You're talking to me? Yeah.

When did you try to bring me a frozen banana? The last time Laura and I went, I was like, I got to find a frozen banana for Ian. And we looked for probably an hour and I could not find anywhere to get a frozen banana. Have I said I like frozen bananas? You did. I was going to say. You did. Because you might remember, find anywhere to get a frozen banana have i said i like frozen bananas you did yes you did you like because you might remember like when she came to scoop me we're just in the living room for a

minute and you were talking to me like ah frozen bananas are so good and i was like noted dude and then i tried to get one tried to score one and i couldn't find one i do associate disneyland with frozen bananas for some reason though i i i think i like the idea of the more than the reality that sounds i'll buy that sure yeah the reality sounds terrible but i don't like bananas so it's not bananas get all hard you gotta like gnaw through them and that hurts you know it's not like a great texture no frozen grapes on the other hand that'll get you there money oh that we go money shot okay wherever you're going all right david time for your first pick disneyland the first one off

the board i am going to have to take oh i didn't think the first one was gonna be so hard well there's some that are just where you're like knock it off you're an adult well i have opinions about some of that's not even how i feel about this next one i think i kind of like it it's just it was i think it was for kids i'm gonna take harry potter but it was ya so is that kind of like that counts i think it's okay yeah yeah yeah i mean first of all what's ya like 12 13 yeah they're fucking kids not like they're kids yeah it's people who aren't trying to read you know anyone under 25 to meet no i'm kidding but saint augustine or some shit uh yeah harry potter i just know so many adults who it's like in their personality. Like people say it like on Tinder, like I'm a Hufflepuff.

And it's like, well, we're trying to, I'm trying to Huffle stuff. There's a wand in my shared bedroom, in my shared bedroom. There's a Harry Potter wand. So, right. But it was for kids, right? That terrible woman made it for children. Yeah. I don't know if she's terrible.

That was a bold statement. That was a bold statement that was a bold statement i think her opinions on trans people are uh are uh controversial at best is what i would say yeah yeah it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks but but this yes you like harry potter are you taking this as a thing that people like or is it a thing that you like that i like it enough to have read some of the books when i was a teenager yeah but not like much i don't really you read the books man that means you liked it that you i mean i was well some of us can just read whole books we don't like sometimes lying dude it was a sign and i was ground and i was grounded a lot and i told you i read the one in jail

it's a junior college assignment is what reading harry potter is yeah i think that yeah you are right about that uh yeah it's just like man i just know obviously i don't know that many children anymore, but I know so many adults who, like, ride for it. The fandom is, like, and I don't feel like I know a ton of kids. Like, I don't see a lot of, like, whenever I see Harry Potter themed stuff, like, I went to Universal Studios with my little brothers when they were here back, like, last year. And, like, the people in robes and wands, it wasn't children. It was adults who were, like, hyped to to be there you know what i'm saying it was people who were like between 10 and 15 or whatever when that first book dropped or maybe younger maybe 25 and 15 or exactly and now they're

grown up so it's a big yeah big part of their lives i don't know if kids are fucking with harry potter like they used to i hope so yeah because they're delightful but i don't i don't i don't know that'd be interesting because they're not there there hasn't been any harry potter news other than the controversy surrounding the creator but there hasn't been like new harry potter stuff in 10 10 years how long i heard daniel radcliffe did a play where he uh dumped it out yeah man he showed yeah he had the whole the whole fucking showed his wiggler dude he soaked the hog sean you're erasing the uh crimes of grindelwald excuse me uh fantastic beast and where to find them and the sequel yeah i did i did i forgot those were in the universe yeah yeah grindelwald i don't know about the updates i just know i know a lot of

grown-ups who really love harold potter yeah oh yeah have you seen the movies yeah yeah uh i man the third one was cast you know how you know it's one of these things where it wasn't casted poorly but it was like that's not what my seriousius Black looked like in my head. And same with Peter Pettigrew. So I kind of fell off for a while. Sirius Black is the old man? Is that Gerald Oldman? What? Sirius Black is that Gerald Oldman?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is it Gerald Oldman? I don't know. He's Harry's godfather. Okay. Yeah, that's the Gerald Oldman. Yeah.

All right. Okay, okay. But yeah, Harry Potter. I think they're good. gary old man yeah all right okay okay but yeah harry potter i think they're good it's just like i'll i see a lot i see a lot more grown-ups with hogwarts stickers than i see you know trapper keepers with hogwarts stickers to be clear i think all my all these pics are great i'm not there's nothing in here i don't like myself but yeah i just think it's all for kids that's how i'm doing my draft is the shit i like yeah that's yeah i think it just kind of goes that way because

i don't even have, yeah, I like everything on my list. Harry Potter is a great fucking pick though. I mean, I will say magic's not real. I am going to say that. Don't say you don't know that.

I'm, I'm taking a hard stance. I do not believe in magic. Explain, explain this. Say, say magic's not real. After you see this.

Oh man, he's going to do the thump. This scares the shit out of me dude he just ripped his thumb he's just ripping for those listening it's like what ian's doing to his thumb it looks like if clive davis got a hold of a dick he's just ripping his thumb off and putting it back on i don't even think i know how to do that i don't either i can't do it and i look like such a buffoon when i try oh you're doing it david now david's oh david just did it oh my gosh david did it see

yeah ah well maybe magic is real yeah all right you got me you got me right point taken yeah jeez i'm still i'm still taking harry potter in the but yeah. Alchemy's real too. So time to my... Oh, my kitten just walked out of the room. Time for my first and second pick. Hi, Eddie. She's so little, dude. All right, my first pick. I'm taking it.

Naps. Oh, yeah. Damn, it was on the list. Shit, I didn't even think of it. Yeah, man, absolutely. Naps are for kids. I think naps are definitely for kids, but I fucking love a nap. Do you listen to me?

I fucking love a nap. I listen to you, bro. I love to fall asleep at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, wake up 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Then it's time for dinner already. Yeah, man. I love to be laying in bed i love to be laying in bed bed in the golden light of an afternoon perhaps i woke up earlier i had the strenuous workout early in day and then i am laying in bed with the golden light of the afternoon pouring in through the window, and I fall asleep gently while an oscillating desk fan cools my furrowed brow.

Let me ask you this. When you wake up, do you use an alarm when you wake up? No, not always. Now I'm getting more Jewish. You let Mother Nature be your alarm, I see. Not always, no. Sometimes I let the sound of the birds or the feeling one gets

when the day transitions from the sun high in the sky to a darker night. I let that be the siren song that lures me out of bed. Waza! Waza! be the the siren song that lures me out of bed i didn't have it the thing about a nap is you go you go like 20 years without liking naps or like there's that window where you're just like oh it was not 20 for me i did not have that really maybe 11 i i was back into naps before school was i was done with school

what i thought it was cool again i don't think i ever had that window i was naps the whole way naps all the way down yeah nappy roots no i had a 20 year probably 5 to 25 where i was like naps or naps make you weak it was like a blanket where i was like teenage naps no you didn't take naps as a teen? Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Never. I fucking crushed naps as a teenager. After football practice? After Daily Doubles? Oh, my God.

In between Daily Doubles? Oh. I was just going to say, yeah, in between two a days, sleeping the whole two hours, and then wake up and go do it again. I would eat 5,000 calories of spaghetti, and then I would nap for two hours. Crash into the couch yeah if i ever took a nap it was by accident and i used to be like pretty bummed if it happened i remember it was like i've told you the blankets where i was like blankets were weak i used to think blankets

were weak and i with the same way with a nap where i was like no i know i know coward i can't take a nap and that's so stupid you took baths before school every day until i was so complicated in eighth grade dude you were so complicated far into my academic career i'm not taking no punk ass nap tom where's the bubble bath don't forget i didn't use a towel for quite some time either i'm not even i'm not a virgin i'm 15 i used to let my clothes be the towel your code of morality as a kid is like a language that can't be translated because it has no tie to like it's not a latin-based language it's not it's not a it's not chinese or you know japanese it doesn't seem weird until you guys point it out like i never think of it as weird but then david that's a very good point that i

did take baths like fully into eighth grade, but I thought naps, thought naps were weak. That's a weird blankets. We're not good. Yeah, that's, that's odd.

I for sure. We'll give you that. Yep. You're cold, dude. I love a nap. I still, I still love a nap.

If I can sneak one in, I got a pretty busy schedule. What if I can sneak an app in on a, on a weekend? It's nice. Yeah. I love a couch nap with the tv still going oh yeah yeah i put on things specifically to take naps too especially

during all this because i would you know i get up at like six just i just wake up at six now pretty much six six thirty and then you know i'm active and then by two three yeah like it like a good half hour 45 minute nap like almost every day you're gonna be falling asleep to golf soon as you will be a father dude i don't know if i'm gonna be able to sleep man i'm so nervous that i won't ever sleep again because i'll just be have my finger under her fucking nose you'll be napping in a lazy boy on a sunday yeah father i think that's the first thing dads get back is the ability to sleep. All right. You're watching Vijay Singh on the senior tour.

All right. Prepare yourself for that reality. Man. Naps is my first pick. That's good. That's a good, solid, what was James call it? Shout. Good shout.

Good shout. It's a good shout. My second pick is going to be, you took you took disneyland i'm going to take the disney animated features yeah absolutely yeah guys we gotta let them go our hard hard opinions about them we really gotta well what do you mean what do you mean let up what do you mean not even for you anymore you know what i mean oh i know you mean yeah a lot of adults having these hard cinema opinions on shit that was just for kids anyways you know what i mean right that shit's wild to me you're talking like critics and things picking apart like a movie you're talking like

deeper issues like when they twitter critics yeah yeah i'm talking about twitter people yeah wasn't for you it's not for you exactly why are you watching the live lion king was so bad it wasn't for you it's not for you exactly why are you watching the live lion king you fucking goofball who didn't give a shit when the first lion king came out my fucking mom bro no chill out dog like it's just not even like you know what i mean yeah i know exactly what you mean we don't want your criticism ivan carmel wasn't at the middleman jewish community center, oh, I just saw the Aristocats last night and it was terrible. Completely unrealistic.

Nobody wants to be a cat. Nobody wants to be a fucking cat. What the fuck was that? I sat through that fucking movie. I paid my own hard fucking earned money and I went to go see the Aristocrats in the theater. I was fucking terrible. I wanted my fucking money we should be happy when there's a movie that happens to cross the divide we should be grateful

but we should never well who cares what you think about sonic you fucking postman it wasn't for your adult opinions it's a hedgehog that runs really fast we're already out there like what the fuck are we talking about anyways you shouldn't have dockers khakis and an opinion about a movie for kids all right if you have a 401k i don't care what you think about cinderella yeah a hundred percent that's what i say get them they can they can give them all give me all of give me all of them you got that when that line when i saw the preview for lion king i was like yep i'll love it i will go see it and i'm in and i saw it i love it you shouldn't have opinions you shouldn't have opinions about brooks kepka and the movie cruella all right you get to pick one or the other that's it

it's nichey or it's aladdin you know? That's right. That being said, I fucking love those movies still. The animated features. Yeah, man, I like more. Aladdin, Lion King, Emperor's New Groove, name it. And that includes the Pixar movies. I fucking love those too. I love all the new era, the Moanas and whatnot. Like, I like that shit too.

Nick Nampe turned me on to this, and I don't know why it didn't click until he brought it up at the live show when he came up and took how far i'll go this was at the afe live show at the bell house yeah and he came up and he picked how far i'll go from moana as the best disney song ever and he might be fucking right it's so good it's up there man that is a key change yeah it got no pop from the crowd it got no pop from the crowd i think it's because not enough people knew the lyrics and they were they were like oh they wanted songs where they knew the lyrics so they could just belt them out so i think that's right about i think

everybody loved the pic probably but they were just like we were all drunk and nick was so drunk that he might have just said, I don't know. You know, man, that show was fun when we all, I can't remember if this was on Twitter or not, but when we all, we all kissed each other and then we walked over to Katie and we'd be like, Katie, I was thinking about that the other day. that was so fun we're upstanding young men

oh my god that was a fun show now david boy time for your second pick as it is wait no it wasn't a corner my second pick gummies oh dude what a good goddamn gummies are for children i'm sick of i don't see any kids with gummies but every grown-up i know is like oh i got some sour worms like shut up gummies on a road trip kind of define what i'm doing i know i left them out of the road out of the gas station food but like if i see new gummies i have i have those saved trolley whatever james harden gummies i have two bags of those saved so because i think they'll appreciate that's some whack that's like you gotta have assets man that's just insane though i'm saving gummies because i think they're gonna be worth money if your money's not making

money your money's not making sense you know oh if your money's not making gummy you're a dummy yeah that's right i'm in that gummy money now david you sound like you're coming at this from a critical angle yeah you better not be not i just it's it's another one of those things sometimes where i'm like it maybe it's just in my world there's so many adults candy but not really but that's not the point i just sometimes there's these things that i think that like i feel like adults almost co-opt these like yeah yeah for things you know what i mean where it's like it's okay to have that in the past you know what i mean it's okay that you don't freak out over fucking sour trolleys or whatever you might be referring to like the uh

the rose flavored gummies that i see all over the place yeah like what are we come on man really like leave them i've never seen those that's insane there's a company i forget what it's called but like if you there's a gummy or there's a candy line they sell at nordstrom which is very like adult oriented yeah that's very adult and i think it's just a lot of it comes from weed gummies too so much where i'm just like this is candy for kids just put it you know what i mean i don't know it just gets i just get annoyed go smoke a joint yeah smoke a joint grow up no gummies all day for this kid all day but and gummies are good and gummies are good i just i respect that they're for kids but i

if if i'm picking a candy i love a gummy that's number one i don't know if it's number one anymore but it was for a long time back when i ate indiscriminately it was gummies and i think maybe it's because now that you're discriminant and like now that the the wheelhouse for what's open for candy is narrowed is gummy still in it it's still in the top five but i don't think it's i don't think it's number one anymore because the light is off the board now right so with with i don't think so or okay sure i kind of within within reason but like starbursts for me it's the marijuana thing too i'm saying it's just like so often when i get gummies they're marijuana and i'm just like i would give these to your kids like what do we they're all wacky watermelon flavor it's drugs people are gonna buy it i like the gummification

of america i like gummy vitamins i don't take them because they're it's an extra like it's sugar for some reason but yeah it's just like candy whenever i see adults taking those i'm like take a vitamin what are you yeah what are you doing just take a vitamin to swallow the pill wash down your horse pill size vitamin with some hot coffee like every other God fearing adult in this country. Get to work. Yeah. No, I'm with you.

Go me. Sean, time for your second and third picks. Second pick. I'm going to say Lego or Legos. Damn it. But yeah, Lego. Damn. You know, I just learned you're not supposed to put the S on there.

It's Lego. You just you're always supposed to say I was playing with lego shit like that like like like deer yes like lego is the plural of lego i knew that because i wrote a script for a product integration we did we did with lego on the show and got notes back that no uncertain terms made it known that it was lego always just lego yeah i had no idea if you watch that show with will arnett that master builder show or whatever or is it will forte which whichever will i think it's will arnett will arnett he's this is this guy that's will arnett right yeah yeah yeah anyway it's pretty funny because no no no no no no explore that impression a little more i think i think

it's good hold on hey babe hey babe you want to buy me water this is will arnett welcome to lego lego master builder these guys are my favorite master builder why did you say hey babe you want vitamin water i had to get myself in my he was in hot rod he says that and i was trying to get myself a character you know like when you're doing australian you go fosters fosters fosters and then you let's hear the vitamin water part of the mic in hot rod in hot rod he goes hey babe you want a vitamin water and then he goes and gets her a vitamin or uh goes in to get vitamin water i thought that was just like your vocal warm-up so this is like hey babe hey babe this barely has anything to do with anything but it just it reminded me of this story and i can't remember if i told you david i know i didn't tell you I told Ian yesterday we were at the skate park the other day

and two of us in the pushin 40s pushin boardies crew had hurt ankles at the time and we both separately without communicating to one another we brought like 24 donuts each to the skate park just to have so we're sitting there there's like six grown men

well there's six grown ups and we have like 48 donuts and so after we all had like a donut and there was this kid there who's always there he's this little kid he's probably 16 and we were like hey man come you know come get some donuts like you you know your crew can have donuts and i understand it's covid but we were like they were away from us and so then he like his girlfriend was across the park and he screamed. He goes, hey, babe. But it sounded so much like bitch. He it.

So we all looked at each other because it sounded like he just goes, hey, bitch, told her there were some donuts. And we were like, did he just say, did he just say that? And then Charlie, Charlie was like, we're going to have to take the donuts back. And I go, yeah, yeah, I'll take them back said so we called him over and we're like what'd you say and he was like hey babe i just telling her there's donuts and we're like oh awesome dude yeah have the donuts we thought we were gonna have to kick your ass we thought we were gonna have to teach you about respect you're ready to take back all i suppose 39 remaining donuts and just be like no no it would be a crazy move if he said hey bitch well that's what i was like

it's so old of me to think but i was like no there's no way there's no way he said that there's no way i i don't know yeah also guys don't you guys know him he's like a generally pretty good kid well he's a local around the park but he's still a kid i mean you know is that how you would have called your girlfriend at 16 i never i never did that even when like i was like that i never i don't think i ever once was like ever called a girl a bitch in that way i had some choice words a few times in fights with partners, but I'm not proud of it. But those are the only times I ever use those words. But I never just casually like as cool as I thought Snoop and Tupac were, I still couldn't bring myself to be like,

I never said it casually ever, ever. It sounds crazy to think about. Anyway, Lego. Do you see yourself buying Legos? What do you what is it about Legos that you like? Do you just like the idea of them? I love doing like when. So when quarantine first started, Laura's mom sent me a Lego skate park to build. And it was like, really? I remember I got up at like seven thirty in the morning.

I was like stoked. And I poured my coffee and I sat at the kitchen table and probably three hours. I just built the whole thing. I was just like, this is is sick and i kept calling her in i was like check it out and then i'd show her i was like look at how dope this is the door i'd move the door and i'd be like the door just fucking moves look at that and you know she's like cool i'm gonna go work i'm gonna go back to work now i'm like tight well i just you know i'll do a podcast so i'm just gonna sit here and do lego for a while i mean you're really incorporating it well i try and now it's paid off exactly yeah yeah i like that i like that a lot i would like legos as it on a a

through the mail and then i send them back system like a the original netflix like it's definitely legos or like a good idea or like a book where because i immediately gave it to oscar and finn i i had it for a week probably on the table. And then it wasn't cute anymore. Then it was just something on the table that didn't need to be on the table. So I took it apart and gave it to my nephews. And I was like, here, you guys do it. That's what you should do with Legos.

You build them, have fun. Or you just have a shitload of different pieces and freestyle it. Which I do with them all the time. I'm just like, you guys want to go get your Legos? I'm pretty much just saying I can build some cool shit you know if you guys go get them and then we can say i was never as good at that as i wanted to be i love it like i always i always wished that i was the type of person who could just like you know make you a car or an ice cream stand or some shit but i i had to use the instructions dog even i had an erector

same thing you knew i was gonna laugh why'd you say it for me it satisfies the uh this like compulsive my childhood penis this like compulsive nature i have where you make everything even so i'll make my version of a spaceship i'm glossing right over your joke because i'm being serious here i i will make everything even same color on each side and i'll make like my version of a spaceship or something it's never like a dope design but it's just very fun to sit and build symmetrical things that you know i like it because you can be even uh yeah anyway i i love legos i as a kid i loved legos that was like my favorite toy david had an erection set he said he can't even get through it look at him look at him he can't he's having a daughter tomorrow

and i do have a tough time saying erection it's like the purest joy you ever see on his face, though. He really loves it. Get you someone who looks the way Sean looks at space when there's an erection joke made. Yep. That's what, if you're looking for life advice, that's all I got. Look at you now, you look so happy. I am, man, I am.

I really am. All right, right can i go all right uh yeah it's time for your third pick birthday parties what birthday parties do you think those are just for kids yes i definitely think they were made for kids definitely this is like a blanket thing i disagree i don't think they were made for kids because kids didn't have that much value till recently they were made what no it was you celebrated your birthday when you were a kid i think i think 150 years ago they weren't going to be like oh it's my kid's seventh birthday but it is like i'm jake the boss of the county come to my birth like you think they were spending birthdays on kids back in the day i do i think birthday parties were made i didn't look into this at all but i think birthday parties were definitely made for kids i i how far back are you going hold on dana oh good call bringing

the big guns baby dana schwartz hold on i don't i just don't think kids knew that much back then or well no it's not like kids are throwing their own birthday parties but i'm saying birthday parties were made to satisfy a kid it was a reason to give a kid something to look forward to for sure it was you think that's what they were doing in the industrial revolution that's why they were having birthday parties well that's why i'm asking how how far back you going i don't think the romans were doing it but i think yeah like in our world in i guess in our culture in the states i'm saying birthday parties white protestant male singing god's turn yeah high credit score not excellent but good when i hear baby get the executioner and let's hear it do the soda thing babe could you get me a vitamin water babe babe

do victorian children have birthday parties I think she's in the bathroom babe are we not gonna let that one run no I'm just being a dickhead you can you can no we can still take it but i will be interested to find out no no no that's a pick yeah it can count all right i just know that adults have grown into like a birthday week a birthday month and it drives me out of my mind that adults have taken it so far like i'd be the only reason i ever want

a birthday party is so my friends have so i have an excuse to make my friends see each other it's like the one time where you're like you have to come no excuses you just have to come it's my birthday but other than that it's like that's what it is for kids too do you like what what's what's your beef with it is the presents like you have to give an adult a present for their birthday? Oh, is that what you don't like? A lot of stuff. I mean, I, and I guess I'm going back on what I said, because I was going to say I liked all my pics, but I don't like this.

I like that adults have birthdays and shit, but just throwing yourself a party just seems so whack to me. Unless it's for the right reasons. Like if you want, if it's for real that you just want everyone to see each other and you want an excuse to be like i know you have a kid but it's my 40th birthday you have to come hang out and see everyone who you haven't seen in in a year you know that's the only reason my 35th birthday i think you did miss my 35th birthday it's because he hated the fact that you had it he did the hotel the one in the hotel no no are you out of your mind did i miss that oh you were there

i mean okay it ain't in my memory but it's definitely there yeah okay yeah that's oh we did a show before it yeah somebody wasn't in town who i really liked see that was an excuse like that was an excuse to get everyone together and that's what a party should be i don't like a birthday weekend i don't like a birthday month i don't like uh i don't know i just i i like it to be about everyone and not just the person whose birthday it is if that makes sense like some people are too centric on themselves i like i don't know i like it i don't know i do i i this is one of the rare times i'll disagree with you i like when someone i like if someone has a birthday dinner or whatever i like it it. I like me.

Those all feel like people hanging out. It's I'm not saying it right. These are all people hanging out. But what's the other thing? What is it? What's the other thing then? Like posting about it? No, no, no.

It's I guess I just don't like an event of it. No, I guess I just don't like feeling that people are being like selfish maybe on their birthday. I don't know. But it's like, but isn't that the fun it's like the one day where you can be like this is all about me yeah but yeah i don't have that i don't have that in me it's not terrible to do that one day a year man yeah well anyway adults have taken birthdays your your previous birthday was the last one where we're not celebrating a big

well my next one's 40 so oh yeah it'll be yeah yeah somewhere somewhere in iceland probably i'm gonna make everyone go to iceland or maybe david will be allowed back into bolivia by then and then we can all lie and say we're gonna meet him what you're talking about all right what do you mean back yeah anyway the point is it it's not if i like birthdays or not. I love birthdays. I love parties. Point is, adults have taken birthday parties, which I feel are for children, and made them their own. That is the point of this draft. And that is why I picked it.

They fill piñatas with liquor now. That's all I'll say. David, tell me your third pick. My third pick is going to be action figures oh okay sure just i it's another thing like i see my little brothers and how they play and then i'm like i know a lot of men with more action figures in the first 10 feet of their apartment than yeah my parents have in their whole house full of three kids yeah you know what i mean i know a lot of dudes with action figures a lot my buddies back in the day they would hang their shit like star wars ships from their ceiling

like hang them in a room oh yeah my buddy Bill had a room where you couldn't really even walk in the room. It was just, you'd open the door and you'd be like, that looks pretty cool. Cause everything was hanging with planets and everything. And you just couldn't move around. You had to like crawl if you wanted to, to get like a, a belly view of it. Crazy. That's a, that's a tough look as an adult. Yeah, man, it was a whole room of your house. And now I'm like, that's a whole room that that's a room that's a room dude that is in your crib that is in you can't be used for anything other than the star wars you can't write that off for the business account i think it'd be kind of fun

in one of your rooms i guess i'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum like i know there are people who like really like action figures or whatever I bet it can be pretty fun I have a room full of shoes right here I'm not even mad at it I'm just saying like it's for kids clearly yeah yeah yeah and adults like really really glommed I feel like these days I mean I don't know those of you with

kids tell me it seems like these days are kids still playing with action figures like that well David let me stop you right there no I don't have a kid yet i was kidding oh tomorrow though yeah yeah well let's do it tomorrow yeah i'll let you know tomorrow i think kids are still playing with action figures kids still like action my my nieces and nephews like uh or liked when they were younger like i would get them toys still but it also seems like a lot of stuff is happening on ipads now and this tiktok thing yeah that's what that's what it seems like too or like youtube the i had yeah dude i was about that life when i was a kid all the he-men all the gi joes all of

them all the ninja turtles and i would set them up i had these cubic like cubes in my room that i would set up little battle scenes in and uh yeah you just couldn't touch them i was like people would want to play with them i'm like nope they're like they're in a battle formation that's how they're gonna stay this is one of these things that the older i get the the more i worry that maybe i i've always hated whimsy even as a kid i'd have action figures and like if nobody was around i never played by it with them by myself really oh yeah that's interesting i don't i don't i don't i don't think ever really like i just like sit on the floor just

like no man i did yeah i think i did i used to have wrestling buddies they were a little bigger than action figures but i would like full-on wrestle remember those i would wrestle the ultimate worries by myself no it's just like a pillow it was like like as big as a gremlin probably and didn't it make a noise when you like slammed him like you'd be like oh brother my kidney no there's nothing i think they made later versions did oh okay oh sean's a little older than you yeah they were dust bowl okay that's true you bridge the gap they were cotton and uh pink slips that's all they were but yeah action figures i've used to love smashing them together going and then he comes in and he's like and then bear just came in and ripped the legs off and he's like grow up bear was into it dude bear was a good big brother i know yeah he had to he's still a good

big brother you've met bear he's the. I love him to pieces. That guy. Time for my third and fourth picks. My third pick. Jungle gyms. God, man. I thought I could get that late. Fuck no, you couldn't. You idiot.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Now, if you see, if you would have said erection, I would have had to leave. I've been laughing too. I'm approaching this thing more as like things that are for kids that I like specifically. I like birthday parties. I don't want that in the ether. I like a birthday party. It's out there now, dog. It's out there.

I like birthday parties. Not what you were talking about. The book on Sean is that he hates birthday parties. That's what I read. I want to see you, man, but I want it to be for the right reasons. don't keep pushing you know you'll see me you'll see me on a swing set dude and the jungle gym yeah when i see you i love it what's your favorite jungle gym item swings that was dude that's i had that's exactly you dickhead over monkey bars swings over monkey bars i as a youth the monkey bars i could never

i was too heavy and then i was too tall and then i was too heavy and too tall i was too weak my whole life i've only done at the most i think three pull-ups at one time i could never make it across the monkey bars so i always felt like a chump that's three more than i've done but did you never have like the fights where you would hang here and then the other kid would hang there and then you would kind of like, oh, we put chicken fights. I would hang on. I would hang on one side of town. He would hang on the other and then we'd meet and fight at the skating rink.

I had those fights. Yeah. Yeah. I used to love. I used to love that. I used to love that. I used to love chicken fights. Those were fun.

And then that half globe I liked too, that you could like climb around. Did you guys have the spider web thing anywhere where it was like a bunch of ropes tied up to a point? Oh, I remember the spider webs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To get up to the top. And one thing we had at Dennis the Menace Park in Sioux Falls, South Dakota was a shelled out tank, like an actual tank.

It was insane to think about. A tank. Nothing, no bells, a tank. And it had all the shit out of it, but you could still get cut and hurt badly. It was a real tank. It had a gun. The big gun was still on it.

You could climb on it and hang. Yeah, it was insane. Whoa, that is insane. Yeah. And the park was named after Dennis the Menace? Yeah, it was Dennis the Menace Park. Oh, I thought that was like a thing that you and your friends called it.

No, it was called Dennis the Menace Park. It was right by the zoo is the person who invented dennis the menace from from sioux falls i i gotta say no without fact checking i gotta feel like you know it's weird then that it was called dennis the menace park they were just like yeah they named it after a reckless youth yeah well there's a tank there. Oh, that's perfect. Makes sense. Another thing they had was, did you guys have these? It was like just a sheet of metal, like an angled sheet of metal that was maybe a foot and a half off the ground.

And that was it. Did you have anything like that? A slide? No. Is this a park or a scrapyard? It looked like a solar panel. It looked like a solar panel. That'll give you a good visual.

It does sound kind of familiar. What were they there for? Just to get hot and ruin your day? You could climb up it, but yeah, it would be like a million degrees in the summertime, and if you slid down it, forget about it. Forget about the next week of anything to do with your leg skin. It was insane. I think you're going to really like

my next pick, Sean. Specifically. David, I think you'll like it too, but Sean, I think you'll really like my fourth pick. Oh no, i think you'll like it too but sean i think you'll really like my fourth pick oh no no what are you doing my fourth pick is you're not doing it are you okay all right go ahead i don't know what you think i'm doing okay but i'll tell you what i'm about to do for real all right i'm going to take thinking poop is funny oh man for real here i go Oh, man. For real. Here I go proving your point. Yeah. For real. It is.

That shit is hilarious. You must be going off the classic all fantasy everything joke. Poop cover, poop cutter, poop smasher. Because, boy, I think that's funny. And a lot of children would agree with me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, it is funny. It it is funny it sure is funny poop is funny there's

man this is gross i'm gonna tell you this is real gross though you can tell because i'm debating you have but i'm gonna tell you yeah it's gross yeah you gotta do it sorry marissa i was pooping the other day and i went to i went to a wipe i finished up and then i got up and there was a big chunk on the toilet seat and i almost fell down i was laughing so hard because i was like what if i didn't look back and then came in ready to have my daughter and just seen a big piece of poop on the toilet seat. And she'd be like, Jesus. And it wasn't smeared or anything.

So she'd be like, how did you get a solid piece of poop onto the toilet seat any way other than picking it up out of the toilet and putting it there? Are you going to answer that question? I don't know how. I had no clue i think it must have like been hanging out of your butt and decided to make like a go make a run for it i think it was like you're not you're not flushing me and the momentum and just like not today yeah that had to be what happened but i was like man it could have gone wrong so many ways yeah your wife could have sat on your shit yeah and your own poop uh-huh on your poop yeah and then you poop back and forth you know

it's violent when someone calls it shit to me i like calling a poop poop is funnier shit's not as funny poop is funny he called the shit no poop is way funnier than shit the other head writer on the show hates poop jokes so much they're the best and i love how much she hates them so i'll like write them and put them in the monologue every now and then oh they're the best i love that i love it poop is funny i don't like that there's like i don't like that you're supposed to grow up and not think bodily functions are funny anymore yeah why is poop not funny anymore because we went to college i shot the whole time i was in college i shit every day it just lets you know how where you're at with how serious you feel like you have to take things like i just paid the

most money in taxes i've ever paid in my whole life and i still think poop is funny so you can be a grown-up you gotta pay you gotta pay the pooper you know that's what they say dude david time for your fourth pick uh my fourth pick i'm going to take sugary breakfast cereals yes sir smacks cocoa pebbles cocoa crispies what's your fave fruity pebbles lucky charms cinnamon toast crunch waffle crisp cookie crisp all those man anything that has a cartoon on it you shouldn't eat for breakfast but we still love it reese's peanut butter cereal the pieces the reese's puffs come on that one even as a kid i was like i don't know if this is allowed yeah you know what i mean like when that first came out it was like even i know that this is fucked up it felt it felt fully wrong yeah like you're making us you're letting us you're gonna let me eat reese's for breakfast lie to me like you can't be named after a candy that already exists my issue with it was i was always like how am i gonna swing this

to my fucking mom yeah she sees the commercials too the commercial i feel I was always like, how am I going to swing this to my fucking mom? Yeah. She sees the commercials too. The commercial I feel like was just like a bowl of Reese's and then snap. It was the puffs. That makes me think that maybe they were selling that to adults, that specific one. Cause they didn't, there was no cartoon. Well, I mean like there was no cartoon character. There was no selling it to your parents.

Like you said, that was just like candy in a cereal bowl maybe that was one of the first ones where they're like this is more for stoners than it is for children the jack-in-the-box model yeah yeah it works yeah because the munchie mail started out is a meal for you know obese children and then they were like wait it i remember being crushed when i moved to portland i went on a diet and i was asking tori i was asking the big dog i was like what uh you know like what what do i got to do for a diet you know what should i do and he's like you need to cut out cereal and up until that point i was 27 mind you i still thought cereal was like pretty good for you because it's been advertised it was just advertised as something that you eat in the morning and it's good to have breakfast and it's healthy i was

like why and he's like he's like no man you cereal's horrible for you it's like no it can't be it's breakfast i well do you remember how the ridiculous things they used to tell you to eat with it yeah it would be like a fucking whole mango orange juice a bagel a full bag of cream cheese like they think and then so like you're training for a triathlon oh wait she's out of the shower baby okay let's did victorian children have birthday parties yeah were birthdays like a big thing back in the day for kids or no it's a very interesting question um the childhood was like invented in the victorian childhood was invented in the victorian era after the british industrial revolution so no but like a little bit so that's when it started in the victorian era and then

birthdays and she said the whole idea of childhood was invented in the British Victorian era. That makes sense to me. I think before that, they were just smaller adults. Whoa. They were just the little ones. So you just started doing things as you could do them. As soon as you could work, you worked. Because you were a little version of an adult.

That shit's so fascinating. For real. Crazy. It's so insane to think about. I mean, that's how it is in places that are harder to live than this. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. You know what my favorite sugary cereal for children is? Grape nuts, you motherfuckers.

He's back! Yeah! We have two full boxes of grape nuts in the house that i live in and it's really bums me out you should heat them up baby you're grape nuts for not liking them my friend how do you like that i'll put you in the crosshairs too i don't care anybody can get it but i almost feel like grape nuts is a more adult cereal it for sure is i was lying my favorite oh yeah go ahead cocoa pebbles probably i like the texture okay there you go anything with a cool cartoon on it like a car yeah like anything with a cartoon that looks

like he might be trying to sell you drugs like if you replace all the all the things with weed it like makes more sense like yeah hey i'm a cool frog. You want some snacks? Yeah, it's like, yeah, he's trying to sell you weed. Grape nuts would have a New Yorker cartoon on it. Yeah. So sick. 100%. Or like some really abstract far side that you don't quite understand. Yeah, you're like, oh oh that's more true than it is

funny sure just acting like you get it like no i yeah of course i get it no just can we just change the subject please i get it yeah he's no because he's a wolf yeah but he's riding a bicycle and he said uh same time tomorrow ken to the other bicyclists that's funny that could be one that's no that is funny i get that is funny. I get that. Yeah. No, I get that. It's because it's Kant. It's a philosophy thing.

Sean, time for your fourth and then your final picks. But before you do that, we are going to be right back after this short break for messages. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool sharpens your focus. and see everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine

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I don't know what to do for the second break. Hello. We are back from break. That was like that dinosaur movie. Isn't that what it's called? Ooh, we're back. A dinosaur tail. Yeah.

You got Eddie? I liked it. You got Eddie sniffing around down there? Oh, Ian, Ian picked him up like a dad. Boy. She's purring.

Yeah. Is he a little purr monster? It's a girl. She, I keep forgetting that. Sorry. Is she a little purr monster? She is a little purr monster.'s a girl she i keep forgetting that sorry is she a little per monster she is a little per month awesome are her and the juice getting getting on pretty well

they get along great now good i just love oh you meant beetle juice yeah i thought you were talking about ian and dana i was like this is weird that's a weird way to say it no ian's got eddie on steroids i thought you meant my cat and oj simpson and they are no you're cat and steroids man Simpson. And they weirdly do. No, your cat and steroids, man. You want Eddie to bulk up, take on those parrots outside. My cat weirdly does have a good relationship with Orenthal James Simpson. I can't explain it.

It's weird. They play golf. He held him down while he was in prison. Who am I to judge? Sean, what are your final picks? Number four. Now, this may be controversial. I apologize, but I think adults have taken it as their own.

It's meant for children. I'm going to take Santa Claus. What do we think of that? Have adults taken Santa Claus? I think they have. I think adults dress up as Santa Claus, have parties with Santa Claus. Oh, like a Santa car. Like the whole vibe.

I just think they've taken the Santa vibe. And I have a Santa hat around the holidays all the time. I love it. I've just kind of stolen the Santa vibe. think they've taken the santa vibe and like i have a santa hat around the holidays all the time i love it like i've just kind of stolen the santa vibe there's the secret santa at office christmas parties things like that like everybody knows santa's not real but it's fun i really enjoy it but i just feel like definitely it's for kids and adults have taken santa as their own i think you should start believing in santa again i think you should really lean into this i have a vivid memory of seeing santa have i so when i was like five i like how i say

vivid and then i was roughly five uh i was looking out our front window and i looked at the moon and i'm sure it was just a streak on the window but in my mind i still remember looking and thinking that was santa and the reindeer the sleigh. Cause it was like the moonlight extended out a little bit. And I was just like, fucking dope, man. There he is. He's coming to the crib. Like I knew it. Big guy. Big guys in town. It's so fun thinking about what the adults used to go through to make us think it was Santa. I can't wait to do this shit. So we'd all go in my mom's room, all the kids. And then they'd probably have my grandpa bang on the ceiling with a broom or something because so

it sounded like footprints and then he would just stand out ho ho ho and do all that and then we go out in the living room and there'd be like the whole place was presents it was so oh that's great and you just hear about families right on the verge of another santa era dude you're gonna be you're gonna santa now you're gonna get to do that that's why i'm so excited about this you hear this shit especially with your with your portland parent every now and again they'll be like no we we just told him you know there were three we let him know there's no santa it's like why what what are you doing it's such a bummer to hear i mean i'm as a most portland parents are like there's no government they tell them that at three dude that's what it is yeah man I think adults took Santa there's no fluoride in the water either

Santa all right Santa Claus and your final pick lightning round my final pick adults have taken as their own that is meant for children is throwing fits in public like in an airport say if someone asks them to wear a mask or something it's great because sometimes you see these like whenever i see a kid crying on a plane i'm like yeah i'd love to be doing that but i don't and then you sometimes you just see an adult where you're like get the fuck or like comedy clubs especially when these adults get kicked out of comedy clubs my god you would think there are four year olds yeah i've seen some of that it is so so crazy that that's just like clearly a kid thing and but adults are like no i i get to do it too i get to freak out we saw a bunch of people

leaving helium one time they were all cops they got kicked out and they're like we're fucking cops and you're like what it was mind-blowing mind-blowing because they were they were saying racist shit it was crazy and they were being racist that does It was crazy. And they were doing it. Cops were being racist? That does sound nuts. I couldn't imagine. Can you believe it? I could never imagine something like that happening. To you as cops, does that mean something other than police officers? Because to me, that just seems crazy.

Is cops like a nickname in Sioux Falls for like... It's that rapper that Ice Cube had under his wing for about a day. Short Cop? No. I don't remember him. I push rhymes like, wait, no. Oh, that was him? I remember that song. Yeah, that was Short Cop. Yeah, yeah.

David, time for your final pick. Final pick, lightning round, so no explanation. Slip on shoes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah, for sure. You guys get it. My final one.

I got to go from. Well, no, I'm going to go more universal than from the heart. Just for everybody. Pudding. Pudding. You know what chocolate pudding looks like? It looks like. Get him. does it look like

an erection or poop we need to play that write a game for me erection or poop i got you you you gotta save that smile that big for when your daughter is born tomorrow you guys can see you're using too many endorphins yeah dude this is all nervous energy man after this i'm just gonna go upstairs and i'll look like i don't know like an upset grandpa or something i'll have nothing to give after this marissa do you have a pick oh this is easy pokemon oh yeah oh yeah absolutely yeah gotta catch them all boy adults really did they really got their hands on that to recap marissa took pokemon but sean you went first you took disneyland lego birthday parties santa claus and throwing fits in public david you went second you are you took harry potter

gummies action figures sugary breakfast cereals and slip-on shoes i went last and i took naps disney animated movies swing sets and jungle gyms thinking poop is funny and pudding it is funny man we love some good stuff on the board the red wall books for me personally yeah kickball oh yeah oh god yeah kickball i had bubble gum powder and oil i don't get powder and oil this is again a personal thing but baloney is i feel like it's for kids but i like a baloney sandwich nerf baby powder no baby oil i was saying sean oh i picked baby wipes that was on my list for all the grown-ups who drink a lot dana shouted trampolines from the other room yes absolutely i got vaping on my list vaping you got one on your list say vaping is just vaping is a

joke oh it froze fuck that's very funny what about bubble gum would that have counted did adults take bubble gum or did they not that's i was wondering bubble gum on my list okay that's because i like it but i don't think adults took it i was wondering that i was on my list, but I was like, I can't. I don't know. But it feels like it's for kids, and adults love it. It is for kids. But I don't know many adults who love bubble gum. I don't know any adults who chew gum. I enjoy it. But it's always like ice blast.

Yeah, cinnamon. Well, that's like to cover up a DUI. That's all that gum is. It just might as well be called like, how much did you drink? Some people just want fresh breath, Sean you know what i choose so much gum nobody wants polar blast breath unless they had like nine gnts i do dude what is that the only is that why the only reason you thought people were chewing gum that's why i thought they they chew like the extra polar one yeah like the gnarly one it's just nice to have nice breath.

Zesty. To cover up Jäger bombs. And then it's funny because we used to think it would cover it up. But you're like, no, all you did was mix it with Jäger and Red Bull. And now it just smells like they have to take you to jail if they pull you over. Awful. It smells like the worst winter in German history. That's not German.

I take that back. Jäeger is. No, Jaeger, but not the worst winter in German history. That would have been something else. What am I, a Rhodes Scholar?

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