All Fantasy Everything - Things People Yell (w/ David Venhuizen, Simon Gibson, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 6, 2019

Shout. Shout. Get it all out. Karms and Sean are joined by two dudes you’ll be stoked about. Come on. I’m talking to you.Episode Guest:David Venhuizen @david_venhuizen IG: @david_venhuize...nSimon Gibson @simeygibson IG: @simeygibsonSupport the show!Sponsors:Kamikoto: Get 25% off sitewide. Go to Kamikoto.com/FANTASY and use the offer code FANTASY.Manscaped: Get 20% off and free shipping with the code ALLFANTASY at Manscaped.com.Keeps: Get your first month of treatment for free at Keeps.com/allfantasy.Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that got three different liquids to put in its body, and it didn't even get drunk last night. No, it chilled. It chilled hard. I got a little tore up, but it was very calmly. You got family drunk.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Yeah, I was just like, we were chilling. I was sipping a little bit. You didn't get drunk, the fog rolled in. You know what I mean? Yeah. It got dark early. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:53 The fog rolled in. We watched some Billy on the street. It really did. You guys can talk whenever. Yeah. Oh, good. Good. Thanks for having me.
Starting point is 00:01:00 We always assume people have seen the names in the description. It's not always weird, though, when you're sitting there on a podcast and people banter for like 45 minutes and you're just like okay yeah why am i here for this double dutch yeah you can quit hit recording and then i will say i always appreciate uh uh any podcast where you just get into the guests right away
Starting point is 00:01:19 start eating a guest body yeah yeah body type measurements really never had the guests take over like this that quick though you know because you've been pronouncing i was i was gonna keep talking about how drunk i got over here i actually gotta get isaac lee on the phone really quick let's see if how you're you are supposed to pronounce taekwondo. Because I want to... Taekwondo. Taekwondo. Taekwondo. Dude. Okay. He's mad for real. Yeah, he's mad. I knew some Korean. I had to learn Korean from my black belt test.
Starting point is 00:01:52 You knew some Korean? Yeah. What was his name? You should say, I spoke Korean. Well, yes, I spoke some Korean. He ran a liquor store over on Wilshire. I knew some Korean sounds like... It does sound terrible.
Starting point is 00:02:06 I was in the minor leagues with Hideki Araba. He was Japanese. I'm buying 740s. Yeah, I knew some Korean back in the day. All right, I'm FaceTiming Isaac Lee real quick. We'll see if this goes through. And if it doesn't, we're not going to edit it out. No, we're going to keep it all in.
Starting point is 00:02:21 It's going to be real fun. He had sausages made. Also, he gets to see, ooh. Ooh, me after a weekend. That's not great. Not when you've been wearing makeup for the it all in. It's going to be real fun. Also, he gets to see, ooh, ooh, me after a weekend. That's not great. Not when you've been wearing makeup for the last three weeks. It's pretty good. All right, he's not picking up. Anyway, you're saying Taekwondo wrong.
Starting point is 00:02:34 According to our friend of Korean... According to Grandmaster Moo Young Yun, I'm not saying it wrong. He's the eighth degree black belt who was in attendance. Oh, okay. He's an actual guy from Korea. is that part of getting a black belt is pronunciations you have to say them correctly
Starting point is 00:02:50 well he was an 8th degree black belt here's another here he comes Isaac what's up man we're recording in all fantasy everything but just audio. I don't know why I FaceTimed you.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Just because I miss you. You know where this is going. Miss you too. Sean's here and I informed him that he's been saying Taekwondo wrong. He is. I am not. So what? I am not.
Starting point is 00:03:21 So just really quick. What is the right way to say it? Taekwondo. Yeah. Well, what am I the right way to say it? Taekwondo. Yeah. What am I going to say to that? Of course you're right. You don't put an accent on the Kwan. You don't put an accent on the Kwan, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:33 It's a monotonous language. Taekwondo. Well, now, of course you're right. That sounds perfect. Wow. That did sound great. Yeah. Thank you, my friend.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Will you say it again? One more time. Taekwondo. God, that sounds good. That does say it again? One more time? Ecuador. God, that sounds good. That does sound good. There's poetry in that word. I'll hit you up later. All right, man. Thanks. Bye. Love you, too. Yeah, that sounded amazing. I hope
Starting point is 00:03:56 everybody heard it. They did, right? I think he did, yeah. He was talking very clear. It's going to take Marissa an extra nine hours. Sorry about that. I don't think they heard it. Sorry about that. I haven't even heard it. That sounded really good. So we've got to stop hitting that Kwan. I can't say it like that.
Starting point is 00:04:11 I'm going to say it how I say it because I've been saying it that way my whole life since I was four years old. Yeah, you can't change now. 34 years I've been saying it that way. It's a monotonous language. Much like South Dakota is a monotonous land. That's right.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Oh, wow. Take that. Where's the door? Oh, there's one there. Okay. And then that one goes to my room.
Starting point is 00:04:31 If you want a space, I might have to go breathe. Uh, Sean is Jordan on Twitter. What's up? Sean Cougar, Mel Jordan on Instagram. A lot of those,
Starting point is 00:04:40 a lot of those tight cross in effect. Sean saying clown posse on, uh, Sean saying clown posse on Raya. This Sean is on Raya. I would like to try to get on Raya just to know that I could.
Starting point is 00:04:58 I could get you on there. If you want to find out just how many Australians are in LA. There's a good amount. There's so many. Every woman on there is like a super hot Australian who lives in Venice. Wow. That's pretty rad.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Wow. It's like that, that, that, that, that, and then every now and then Laverne Cox. And then like. I'll be headlining Snow Jam at the end of January. They finally asked. Sioux Falls! They finally asked. Sioux Falls, baby. Yeah. Who else is going to be there?
Starting point is 00:05:29 I don't know. Oh, wow. Some of South Dakota's finest. They've had one headliner ever. They've only ever had a headliner once. It was a Sioux Falls specific comedy festival. Yeah, right. It's going to be at Sioux Falls.
Starting point is 00:05:41 I don't even know. I don't know where. I don't know any of the details. The Fiercen is going to be flowing. Is it like the dead of winter? Yeah. Yeah. End of January, bud.
Starting point is 00:05:50 That's like the shining style winter in South Dakota. Like it is like feet of snow everywhere. I love it. I think it's frozen denim. Yeah. Slipping on the sidewalk, cracking your skull. Yeah. But what are you going to not drink?
Starting point is 00:06:06 Come on. Come on. It's freaking cold. That's cool. Back into a corner. There's one way out. I will tell you, people, they will cancel work. They will cancel school because it's too cold.
Starting point is 00:06:15 Those bars stay open. They will cancel Alec Baldwin. If you get a snow day, the bar is like, it's like spring break in there. Yeah, dude. Everybody's so pumped. Everybody's wearing like t-shirts and shorts also. Like they just peel like, it's like spring break in there. Everybody's so pumped. Everybody's wearing like t-shirts and shorts also. Like they just peel all their shit off when they get in there. No shit, not shorts, but there's mud on the floor.
Starting point is 00:06:32 People are slipping, dude. Yeah. That's like a great time. Uh, yeah, dude. What do you saw snow jam? Uh, that's about it. I honestly, uh, you have an album. I'll be with you in February at some point. I don't know
Starting point is 00:06:45 when we can talk about it, but shortly now. Yeah, I do have an album. It's called The Buck Starts Here. Purchase it, please. Flask's also available. Special Thing Records. Where can you find them? Thanks, bud. Special Thing Records. You can buy a flask. It says The Buck Starts Here on it. It's pretty dank,
Starting point is 00:07:03 actually. Like a flask. You can the buck starts here on it. It's pretty dank actually. And then, uh, like a flask. Yeah. Ooh, you can bring it to a ball game that with a download card. People sleep on flasks, but they're, I might,
Starting point is 00:07:12 I might, I might, I might buy one. I need a little sneaky. I like to be sneaky. Sometimes they're fun. And you feel like Johnny Depp, like a young Johnny Depp.
Starting point is 00:07:23 When you're drinking out of a non-problematic. Yeah. That's some beautiful. Yeah. Yeahproblematic. Handsome, beautiful. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I bought you. Feeling like Johnny Depp doesn't sound too good. Yeah, I don't want to be this Johnny Depp. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:32 When you have a flask, it feels like you're wearing eight rings somehow. Yeah. It's awesome. More scars than Steven Tyler's microphone stand. I just fill it with Sauvage. Sauvage. And fry my liver. It makes you feel like you're burying jewelry in the vessel.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Sauvage. David Van Eisen. And fry my liver. It makes you feel like you're burying jewelry in the desert. Sauvage. David Van Eisen is also in the crib. Hello. David underscore Van Eisen. That is a V-E-N-H-U-I-Z-E-N. That's right. Follow him or die. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Please die. He'll kill you. I will. South Dakota boy. South Dakota boy. That's right. You and Timmy Williams are about the only ones I can think of. Sean, I should have let you make that introduction.
Starting point is 00:08:05 In fact, you want to retell it? Go ahead. No. No, do it. You're the host of the show. You're the Reverend of South Dakota. You said that yourself. Also in the Fortress of Solid Dudes, David Van Eisen.
Starting point is 00:08:15 David underscore Van Eisen on Twitter. Are we going to cross platforms on that? I'll go to cross platforms. I'm not sure about my Tumblr. I haven't been there for a while. Oh, you got to tumble. Oh, you got to tumble. Yeah, you got to tumble in South Dakota. South Dakota boy, David Van Eisen.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Good to have you in the Fortress of Solid Dudes, bud. Oh, great to be here. Give me all four faces of Mount Rushmore. Abe, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and... David. Theodore Roosevelt. Yes. Nice.
Starting point is 00:08:46 I'm from Beaverton, Oregon. Even I can tell you guts and Borglund was the guy what made it. Yeah. But could you tell me, could you tell me that he was also a Nazi sympathizer? And he was trying to prove to his father that he wasn't gay. That that was like the catalyst for Mount Rushmore. I'm not gay. I'll call five dudes faces. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Wow. So there's that treasure buried back there that Nick Cage found. Yeah. Documentary. Oh yeah. National. Now buried back there that Nick Cage found. Yeah. Documentary. Oh, yeah. National. Now, Crazy Horse is the one I push. I push Crazy Horse.
Starting point is 00:09:13 Didn't that treasure turn out to be national? It was like the treasure. I might have been national. I don't know. They got a museum in Washington for everybody to enjoy it now. That's the great thing. We all can enjoy it. It's not just for Masons anymore.
Starting point is 00:09:29 It's not just for Masons anymore. What city is the Corn Palace in, my friend? What city is the Corn Palace in? Yes. The building I committed nine turnovers in, and my only game was point guard. It's in Mitchell, South Dakota. Your only game is point guard.
Starting point is 00:09:46 I played one game as point guard. What was the, they moved you back down. They moved me back down low. Yeah. We want you to take me back to the block. They were looking for a magic Johnson situation. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:57 Well, I was about five, seven, one 50 at that point. So I couldn't imagine Johnson. Yeah. David, what do you have?
Starting point is 00:10:03 Where can people fuck with you? What would you like to direct? Fuck with me in any park. Anytime. Anytime. I'm ready. Yeah. David, what do you have? Where can people fuck with you? Where would you like to interact? Fuck with me in any park, any time. Any time. I'm ready. I'm ready to go. I stay ready. It's on site with everything.
Starting point is 00:10:10 My instincts are sharp. My training, up to date. If I'm not podcasting, I'm parking. So, mind me up. Only came here for two things. But yeah, Sports Boys, the game, the podcast. Yes. Sharpenteer.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Chris Sharpenteer runs it with me. It's a fun time. Love it. If you want to check it out. Love him. I had a good time. I ate a spoonful of hot sauce on the podcast. Sharpenteer, Chris Sharpenteer runs it with me. It's a fun time. Love it. If you want to check it out. Love him. I had a good time. I ate a spoonful of hot sauce on their podcast. Yes, you did. Did you get a salad? I got a salad in the fridge and I'm going to soak it in Sriracha.
Starting point is 00:10:36 This ain't Lunatic. Loves putting fucking hot sauce on a salad. That sounds good. I like Kiwan and Murphy Lee a little bit more. I like hot sauce on a microwave. That sounds good. I like Kiwan and Murphy Lee a little bit more, but yeah, I also, but then his third thing is hot sauce on a salad. See, I like hot sauce on a microwave fish.
Starting point is 00:10:48 God, you're fucking so gross. Tell, what is it? A fish bag? You get a fish bag. You go to the grocery store. They got a microwave,
Starting point is 00:10:54 microwavable bag of fish with vegetables. Oh, you pop it in there for about four minutes. You got a nice hot piece of fish. That sounds with veggies.
Starting point is 00:11:03 Yeah. In your apartment smells good. It will stink up your whole house in a good way. Yeah. In a horrible, good way. Throw on some hot sauce. Once you get back from the pier,
Starting point is 00:11:12 you know, you're serious though, huh? Yeah, I do. I did try one of those one time and it, and it was fine, but it did.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Yeah. Something about microwaving a plastic bag of fish. I embrace the future. I do not fear it. You don a plastic bag of fish. I embrace the future. I do not fear it. You don't fear the, yeah. Well, the future is always how, it's like how your house will smell from just now on. That does feel like some sort of like space station activity
Starting point is 00:11:35 is to eat a bag of microwave fish. That feels like you have, if you have to do it. It's like the future, but an inconvenient future. I guess it is convenient. It's so convenient. It's super convenient. I mean, that's an inconvenient truth. It is an. It's so convenient. It's super convenient. I mean, that's an inconvenient truth. It is an inconvenient truth.
Starting point is 00:11:47 National treasure. Dr. Reverend Al Gore. Brother Gore. Brother Gore. I am Professor National Treasure. He didn't have to get up on a tall bike to see the global warming was coming in a big way. But the tall bike helped. The tall bike did help.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Yeah, the tall bike. Those dipsh did help So listen to Sports Bullies The game show, the podcast Available anywhere you can get a podcast Any upcoming dates? This will come out one week from Thursday No upcoming dates yet But I am single and looking There it is
Starting point is 00:12:19 I'm also hungry and in the mood For a sugared tree nut. The other kind of dates, you know, sure. You got to get this guy on Raya. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Come on. Yeah. Message three times. There's being a pie a pilot. Yeah. You ever been to Buffalo Wild Wings? That'd be my first message. Yeah. In Burbank? In Burbank.
Starting point is 00:12:51 I love that. I love that whole mall, by the way. I do too. That Burbank mall. They took the Outback out there and it seems different to me. There's one here in Glendale still.
Starting point is 00:12:58 For sure. And it is near a Buffalo Wild Wings. Boy, did we have ourselves a time there one night. I love the Galleria. I do love that burbank complex though with the b-dubs they have like five different ice cream choices two no three movie theaters in like three blocks it's weird a mall yeah a chipotle mall it's sick yep yeah
Starting point is 00:13:16 both of them i honestly i think i'm just like i don't know if it's the place or the age, but Burbank Glendale. That's it. That's your whole life. Brother Simon. I was in studio city the other day. Studio city. Yeah. Brother Simon.
Starting point is 00:13:35 And I was just like, this feels just right. Just right. I don't need to be in Silver Lake. I don't need to be in fucking Atwater Village. I'm going to Lego City. I'm going there tomorrow. I don't need to be buying a baguette next to Walton Goggins and some high end bakery. I need to be in Silver Lake. I don't need to be in fucking Atwater Village going to Lego City. I'm going there tomorrow. I don't need to be buying a baguette next to Walton Goggins and some high-end bakery. I need to be in Studio City.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Yes. Getting a Pete's coffee. Yeah. And seeing like some guy who's been on a bunch of NCIS episodes. That's like the scene I need to be in. You're just a stone's throw away from Toluca Lake. You're so cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Good fish in there. That's what you want. If you're going to microwave a bag of fish, you go to Toluca Lake. That's where a lot of the fish comes from. That's how you know it's fresh. It comes from Toluca Lake. Toluca Steelhead.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Oh, baby. You're making my mouth so wet talking about that. They've actually rebranded Chilean Seabass as Toluca Steelhead so you don't feel guilty about eating it. Oh, man. Catch and release. You old so-and-sos. I went to my fiance's cottage in Michigan.
Starting point is 00:14:35 That's big news. And I was with her dad. And I've never caught a fish in my whole life. I don't fish. Really? Yeah, I've never done it. And we're out fishing. And I tried like 10 casts, and I didn't get one. And I was like, well, maybe not today. And he goes, I've never done it. And we're out fishing and I tried like 10 casts
Starting point is 00:14:45 and I didn't get one. And I was like, well, maybe not today. And he goes, you're catching a fish. By the way, 10? 10 casts. Hundreds. Dude, I don't know. I tried 10 and I did.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Anyway, I caught a fish. You got over it. You caught a fish? I did catch one. What kind of fish? A little pike. Oh, nice. Little guy, like eight inches maybe.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Did you fry him up with some butter? No, we threw him all back. Threw him all back. Out of the fish. Not a seafoodman. Oh, really? No. Well, we didn't get good seafood in South Dakota, you dipshit.
Starting point is 00:15:14 So, no, I'm not a seafoodman. What are you talking about? Do you ever fry up a bullhead in a pan? You're telling me that's not good to eat? Come on, man. See, he's a city boy. He's city South Dakota. I'm country. You're drilling a that's not a good eat. Come on, man. See, he's a city boy. He's city South Dakota. I'm country. You're drilling
Starting point is 00:15:28 a hole in a frozen lake. I'm drilling a hole in a cow's head and calling it my friend. Dude, the Carmels will take to the Columbia River, troll all the way out to the Pacific Ocean, round about Ast astoria pull sturgeon out of there you get out there salmon coho steelhead sometimes beautiful uh anyway simon
Starting point is 00:15:53 gibson is also here today at simy gibson on twitter and instagram and instagram cross platform yes how the hell are you what do you got where can people come fuck with you uh i'm doing great thanks for having me uh you can find me on instagram i post all my stuff uh i also have a podcast uh it's called roommates for life go ahead and blank that out marissa and we're promoting one other podcast per episode right what's that you and mortal komb yes more combat Paulson yeah mortal combat Paulson and you know we go on location we go where the stories are so we want to we want to hear roommate stories we'll come to you we would prefer it if you're not a comedian oh we want we go I mean we've only had comedians on. Yeah. What about two old librarians that just live together? That just lived.
Starting point is 00:16:46 I mean, we'll go where the story is. We'll go where the story is. I'm also going to be in Portland for like two weeks and I'm doing some shows, but like I'm kind of just going up there to chill. So when are you going to be there? I leave tomorrow. Oh, I'll be there till the 10th of December. We have a, we have a thick and prominent Portland listener base.
Starting point is 00:17:06 So come talk with Simon. Yes, sir. Thank you. Yeah, please. Simon rules. A thick and soupy. Gross. A little chunky.
Starting point is 00:17:15 Burbling. We have a lot of people who slam on car hoods who listen to All Fans Say Everything. I want everyone on a giant bike to come the fuck out. Yes. We have a moist and milky Portland fan base. If you're wearing a Patagonia half zip, a t-shirt from one brewery, and a hat from another brewery, come on out. If you have hard opinions on herbal cigarettes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:39 If you are wearing a powder blue jumpsuit and you got here on the Max from Gresham, come on out. Oh, God. Those dudes that'll sit on the Max. Those are my folks. That's my folk you're talking about. They'll sit on the max and rap over YouTube songs that have somebody already rapping on them. Yeah. Wow. It's not just a beat. It's like an actual Drake song. Are you an insane
Starting point is 00:17:58 clown posse fan from Troutdale? Are you the professor from the and one mixtape series? You got a bit of a meth problem? Dude, South Dakota's new ad campaign, Meth, we're on it? Come on. Yeah, that's pretty ballin', man.
Starting point is 00:18:15 The whole country's talking about it. It is! That's what I thought! They knew exactly what they were doing. People are coming up to me and saying meth now, and it's like, hell yeah. Are you serious? That's their slogan. It'll have a picture of a cowboy and be like, meth, we're on it. It's like, we're going to wrangle this problem. Like we're on the case. Yeah, we're on the case.
Starting point is 00:18:32 It's worded as we are on it. Meth. Literally. And I just talked about this, but anyway, the other couple years ago, they had a campaign that was don't jerk the wheel while you're driving in snow, but the campaign was don't jerk and drive. Don't jerk and drive. I'm moving to South Dakota.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Frequent listeners of the All Fantasy Podcast. We're going nuts. We're going nuts down there. We got some young ad execs who are going flat out flipping nuts. You guys, they did a line of cocaine from Madison Avenue all the way to Sioux Falls. And when they got there, they were like,
Starting point is 00:19:03 Matt, we're on it. And they did a line all the way back. Geniuses. Ian Carmel, you're in the studio. Look at you, handling the rock like Victor Page. Or Monty Buckley, whichever one was more pass happy. I forget which one got shot in the face. One of them. Oh, damn.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Yeah. He's a lot. He made it. Oh, okay. I think it was Victor Page. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram. Ian Carmel on Jewish
Starting point is 00:19:31 Seat Geek. Nice. Verified, by the way. I got a friend's pass from Albert Brooks. Yeah, you gotta get on Jewish Seat Geek, dude. If you want to see Madis Yahoo, it's the only way to score tickets. I don't know. I mean, Game On, the air date has not been announced yet,
Starting point is 00:19:53 but when that does come on, please watch it. Please do. So I can do a season two and buy a hood ornament for my Rolls Royce. No, I'm not going to pay that much, but I would like you to watch it, you know, because like writing, you know, I got a back issue. I got a sciatic nerve thing and the more I sit in front of a computer, the worse it gets.
Starting point is 00:20:09 So if you watch season two, I'll be able to fight more sumo wrestlers and get dangled from harnesses, which is oddly good for my back. It's good for the back. Taekwondo. Taekwondo. Taekwondo. I think it's like Taekwondo. It is. Yeah. What else? I'll be in Portland, but you will have It is. Yeah. Yeah. What else?
Starting point is 00:20:25 I'll be in Portland, but you will have missed me. I didn't announce it on the last show because I'm not doing shows for free anymore. No. And saying anything about it, but I will still do it. I think everybody's going to figure out that that's like what we're all doing on Wednesday. When they see me screaming that as I walk out during the third quarter of the basketball game. I'll be at Mississippi Pizza if you need me. I'll be at Mississippi Pizza doing stand-up
Starting point is 00:20:48 and I won't be down by 30. And I walk out across the court and people boo and throw Lakers gear at me. Fucking A. Now we are gathered here today in the Fortress of Salt. It's not only to hear Sean pronounce Taekwondo incorrectly.
Starting point is 00:21:06 It's Taekwondo. But also to draft things you shout, which is perfect. As Sean pointed out, not so much you, but the three of us, the three of the shoutner dudes in your social circle. You three and David are it. And David, who will be commenting on this podcast by yelling from wherever he is? Denver. Or wherever he happens to be right now.
Starting point is 00:21:29 He's on the road with Eric Andre, killing it. Yeah, it's pretty wild. Half Hour was fantastic. It was so good. I'm so mad at myself for not being here. For what? For not being here. Oh, you're mad at yourself?
Starting point is 00:21:43 Oh, yeah. It's Lauren's birthday the next day, so I couldn't. You couldn't have, no. Oh, there were so many people there who aren't as good of friends with him as you are. Yeah. So that's another thing to think about. It hurts my feelings a lot, but it was good, right?
Starting point is 00:21:55 Oh, no, it was fantastic. You couldn't control the timing of it. It was like missing a wedding or something. No. But he'll do bigger things. He will, which is crazy. That was the one thing. Well, my invite must have got lost in the mail
Starting point is 00:22:04 because I wasn't there. It was a bar. I was there, but I was just going to drink and everybody was there. Yeah. Alan was wearing a beautiful coat. Yeah, fur, nice fur. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:22:16 It was great. And a big collar. Yeah, yeah. I touched it a few times. Alan knows what he's doing. I felt it up. Kind of an apres-ski situation. You got a paper cut.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Yeah, I got a fur cut. You ever get one of those? Lord almighty, have I. A fur cut? No. It was coarse. It's cranking entire green juice without the audience knowing. You did.
Starting point is 00:22:37 You did. You had a cold brew. You had the green juice. I had a cold brew, an acai bowl, and a green juice all while we're recording. You're the healthiest guy I've ever met. I'm one of the healthier people in LA. I in la chorizo cheddar croissant on the way over on a sunday coffee i had a turkey sandwich what do you got on there you go mayo or you already bread white bread on turkey pepper jack cheese no condiment three slices of turkey dry Dry? Dry. That's where I get off this bus.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Dry as a witch's tit. Throw in a bag, put some fish and vegetables in there. And then I threw it in a bag. You got yourself some walking pneumonia. Eating's not a celebration. Eating is not a celebration. That's fuel. This is not a reward. This is a job. This is a job. Something I not a reward. This is a job.
Starting point is 00:23:26 This is a job. Something I have to do. This is a kill. If I want to do my tasks, I must fuel. So we're drafting things you shout, which I love. It's a fantastic topic. Now the way to determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Whereas Isaac would correct us. Rock, paper, scissors.
Starting point is 00:23:44 Sean. And the way we throw and shoot, or we throw and three, or shoot, one, two, scissors, whereas Isaac would correct us. Rock, paper, scissors. Sean. And the way we throw and shoot, or we throw on three, or shoot, one, two, three, shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Simon wins. Even though they both have scissors, it's the odd man out. That's the way we do it.
Starting point is 00:23:59 They blow through scissors on account of their mutual upbringing. We're a scissor people. So this can be... Well, we got to cut the fog. This can be more than one word, right? Oh, yeah. Things people shout. So having one
Starting point is 00:24:16 is incumbent upon you to determine the order of the draft. But before you do, I want to let you know it is a serpentine draft. What does that mean? That's a great question. It's sort of like if you were if you're just chilling last night and uh you're in i don't want to say a weird mood but you're in a kind of a weird mood and you start watching mystic river and then it's a little much it's a little heavy yeah so you start watching drinking buddies and after you watch drinking buddies for a little while, you're like, Mystic River is pretty good though.
Starting point is 00:24:46 The acting, it's just, it's a great film. You want to watch a little more of it. But before you make that decision, you keep watching Drinking Buddies because Jake Johnson's very charming and funny. Then you switch back over to Mystic River and you're like, man, Sean Penn really can scream into a camera.
Starting point is 00:25:01 And you keep watching it. And again, it gets a little heavy. You've had a couple drinks. I'll tell you, even a couple. And it's like three in the morning. You're like, do I want to dream about this? Is this what I want to think about when I'm dreaming? You think, no. But again, Kevin Bacon.
Starting point is 00:25:13 I do love Kevin Bacon. And also Tim Robbins. So you watch a little more Mystic River. Then you go back to Drinking Buddies because Anna Kendrick is awesome. Olivia Wilde's great. And Ron Livingston is super fun. So you watch that. And then you want to go back to Mystic river. But before you do that, you check out Ron Livingston a little more cause you haven't really seen him since office space.
Starting point is 00:25:29 And yeah, you just kind of go back and forth. I have no idea what's going on now. I thought I knew what a serpentine draft was. Fourth in the first round. You pick first in the second round. Yeah. It's basically what that means.
Starting point is 00:25:40 It just will slip. Were you watching mystic river and drinking buddies last night? I should have stayed up. I watched them both. You needed a friend. I just will slip. Were you watching Mystic River and Drinking Buddies last night? I should have stayed up. I watched them both. You needed a friend. I watched them both. I finished both those movies last night.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Wow. You were up till five. I was. So with that in mind, Simon, what will the order of today's draft be? Jesus. That was a lot.
Starting point is 00:25:59 I feel like I pass out for a sec. You did check your watch. I did check my watch multiple times. And by the way, you're wearing a watch. I am wearing a watch. I like it. You look amazing.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Well, okay. Here's before that. So yesterday I went to like a Friendsgiving. Yeah, you've said that twice. I've said it. I've said Friendsgiving more times in the last week than in in the four lifetimes uh so this is what i wore to that last night and then i stayed at my girlfriend's house and then i just came straight over here from there so you're gonna pull a nice outfit you
Starting point is 00:26:37 gotta get more than one occasion out of it oh yeah you know come on i mean i got the friend yeah i mean come on this is i had this is a podcast outfit right here. This is all I did yesterday was wear what I'm wearing right now and sit here. That's all I did yesterday. I went to Ralph's twice. So what would you want to be, Simon? I'm going to go first. All right. Yay. And then?
Starting point is 00:26:58 David, you go second. Oh, yeah, dog. Ian third. Sean fourth. Hot corner. Hot corner for Sean oh wow try and follow all those screams yeah
Starting point is 00:27:08 oh yeah that's right quite some coming in last so that will be the order Simon, David, Ian, Sean and we are going to get to your first pick
Starting point is 00:27:16 right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Policy Genius Policy Genius I'm going to hit you
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Starting point is 00:29:47 quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do
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Starting point is 00:34:16 I go, Jesus fucking Christ! So the emphasis, I did Gleek a little bit. I saw it come out of my face. I feel like there's going to be a lot of spit on the ground. That was the Holy Ghost right there. That's all that was. That's something that's probably like if I had a catchphrase, that would be it. Yeah. I never say it on stage, but in my life, I probably say it at least once a day.
Starting point is 00:34:40 I feel like traffic's going to come up quite a bit today. Jesus fucking Christ! If you put... If somebody had stashed a recorder in a car that I was driving for any amount of time, I'd get canceled with the quickness. That's the end of you. The things I've said about Toyota Corollas? Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Oh, of course it's a fucking Corolla! I shouldn't be screaming that. I shouldn't be screaming that right now. Dude, get me in South Dakota or Portland behind a car. At least in LA, they can get the job done. Like, they'll go. Cars will go fast. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:13 Oh, my gosh. You get to that 41st Street in Sioux Falls. Dude, I lose my mind. You forget about some shit until you go to a place that moves at a slow pace. And even Portland, it's a city, but I mean, come on. I'm real quick to forget that I haven't been in
Starting point is 00:35:31 a real fight in a long time. And that I never wanted to get in a fight ever again. I forget that. That goes flying out the window. Oh, you're in a car? A four-way stop in Portland, Oregon? Yeah. Which bird tattoo gets to go first? Oh my God. Well, these
Starting point is 00:35:48 are sparrows and those are starlings. Yeah, I think the sparrows win. They do. Nobody wins. Division Street. Nothing has broken my heart more than and just made me furious than going from
Starting point is 00:36:03 division and 39th to 11th. It is the worst. Because both of my parents. So, like, I mean, way further up. Yeah, yeah. But one is, like, way up there. Way up there. You're like, Division goes this far?
Starting point is 00:36:18 Don't believe it. But most of the time, when I go back home, I could just hop on the freeway and get. But sometimes I'm like, I miss the whatever. You want a cute little drive. I'll just like cruise my mom's Hyundai Elantra 06. And we're just and I'm just cruising. And then by the time I get to division, I'm like, I should take the fucking freeway because there's families from, you know, California. Wandering, staring up at butterflies, you know.
Starting point is 00:36:49 With a bunch of small, like, crepe paper bags or whatever full of goods that they purchase that they don't need. Lots of Ruth Bader Ginsburg candles and socks that say, you know, like, I don't know, don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. They bought it at, like, cute stores. My second coffee. I'm wearing a hoodie that says,
Starting point is 00:37:07 the world is a crosswalk, so I can just wander in any street. Salt and straw ice cream melting down there. Delicate knuckles. You should be able to hit pedestrians again. We've got to open it back up. We've got to open it back up. They've got two cocks. Three months a year, even.
Starting point is 00:37:21 You know what I mean? Dude, it blows my mind. I feel like I'm ripping my mind when I'm, Portland, I feel like I'm ripping on Portland. I'm not trying to, but the people treat, it's all love. People treat streets
Starting point is 00:37:30 like they are a giant crosswalk and people have that whole thing. They're like, pedestrians always have the right of way and I'm like, that can't be true because like, what if I wanted to walk
Starting point is 00:37:39 across the Burnside Bridge? What if I just wanted to cross the Burnside Bridge in the middle of the day? Everybody has to stop. You can't do that. You know what I mean? You'd get in trouble, but the cars do have to stop. They have to stop. What if I just wanted to cross the Burnside Bridge in the middle of the day? Everybody can't do that. You know what I mean? You get in trouble, but the cars do have to stop. They have to stop. Yeah, I know, but it's
Starting point is 00:37:50 just like you can't think that way as a pedestrian. You can't think I always can do what I want to do. I mean, I'm born and raised there. I've never thought that way. Me neither. I am so because like I don't want to get barreled into by a fucking. Even if I'm right, I don't want to get barreled into by a fucking...
Starting point is 00:38:06 Even if I'm right, I don't want to get hit by a car. I don't want to get hit by a car. So I try to avoid that at all costs. That sounds smart. In Ashland, Oregon, that really is the law, though. I think it's the law pretty much everywhere. It started in Minnesota
Starting point is 00:38:21 and humanities went downhill. They're nice. Minnesota, nice. Atmospheres from there. They can do whatever they want. Prince dude. Come on. Stop it. Bob Dylan. We're talking about Minnesota. I didn't know Bob Dylan was from Minnesota. Hibbing, Minnesota. Gordon Duluth. Robert Zimmerman to Abe Zimmerman.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Come on now. He's more than just a South Dakota. I'm not. No, David is. No, I'm only South Dakota. I'm not. No, David is. No, I'm only South Dakota. You had no idea what's going on. I am. Jesus fucking Christ.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Jesus fucking Christ. God, I can just see you hot in the car. Just hot shaking the wheel. And normally, though, I'm like, I am usually that sort of like the sarcastic, passive, aggressive type of guy where I'm just like, oh, yeah, that was great that you just, you know. Cool. You made your own lane. You made your own lane. That's right.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Everybody should do that. Yeah. We're making our own. That's usually why I even have lines. Yeah. No, I mean, it's an Audi, so you get to do that. Yeah. But also, like, I haven't really had a commute for a long time where I was like had to go a long distance to a job.
Starting point is 00:39:28 This guy. And then and I and there was a good amount of time in the last like couple months where I did have to do that. And I was driving to like fucking still more every day. You know, and one of the first like famous skate parks. Cool. In Selmar. Cool fact. That's a cool Sean Jordan fact. That's a new segment, right. Cool fact. That's a cool Sean Jordan fact.
Starting point is 00:39:47 That's a new segment, right? Cool fact. Another cool fact with Sean Jordan. They have a skate park there. You know, Sylmar, not just known for crystal meth.
Starting point is 00:40:00 They skate too. They sure do. Jesus fucking Christ Excellent first pick David time for your first pick What the hell are you thinking? Would be that one Mine
Starting point is 00:40:12 I say that I say it all the time I say it everywhere I say it in my car Of course when I'm driving Of course the car I start You change from like a
Starting point is 00:40:23 A meek South Dakota leg cross to like a principal like a stern. Yeah, you're wide. Now I'm talking with a stance like that. You should be wearing. I got the stick. Very short gym shorts. Yeah. Oh, I did in basketball. I wore shorts like dude. I had the Larry Birds because I was on
Starting point is 00:40:39 the D team. Yeah, last pick on uniforms when I committed those nine turnovers. You can see all my legs every inch of my delicious white legs. Nine turnovers at the Corn Palace. Nine turnovers. Sounds like a rough documentary. It was. And guess what
Starting point is 00:40:54 Hall of Fame basketball coach Bernal Glanzer is yelling at me. Ben Eisen! What the hell are you thinking, man? Glanzer's out there. Glanzer's out there. Glanzer's out there yelling. I don't even think that Marissa probably is going to see the title of this episode and be like, God damn it.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jade Awards in the audience. They got their Thanksgiving out of the way early so she can focus on this one. What the hell are you thinking? Where would you say that you yell that the most car and sporting if i'm watching any sport oh yeah yeah the sporting events it's either what the hell are you thinking or be an athlete those are the two things that you know it's good yeah somebody dribbling to a double team i say it to one of the i'll yell it at one of the like the
Starting point is 00:41:42 best athletes in the world. Be an athlete. What are you thinking? I used to try to run a bit about that, but the least athletic people will scream that at the most athletic people all the time. I do it all the time. Everybody has a role to play. This is what you're supposed to be.
Starting point is 00:41:58 If you come see me do something, you should be like, hey, be a comedian or whatever. You're the athlete. I'm the slob. I'm the slob. I'm illegally streaming this. I earned the right. You know those little fish on the bottom
Starting point is 00:42:12 of sharks? They probably do something. That's what we are. They're probably also yelling at the shark. Get more food. What the hell are you thinking? What the hell are you thinking out there? I need to feed off your bacteria. I need to feed off your bacteria.
Starting point is 00:42:30 Oh, that's fucking funny. My, okay, so my first pick, it's not that universal, but it's something that I do need to yell. It's only something that I yell when I'm in company with other people. Is this things that we yell or the people? We can do what people yell, right? Just things that people yell.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Things to yell. Okay. It can be whatever. Okay. So for mine, it's, I'm cramping up! I've yelled that a lot. I'm prone to cramps. I'm cramping up! I can't speak at a normal volume.
Starting point is 00:43:00 If I talk at a normal volume when I'm cramping, it's so angry and menacing. We were on tour, and Ian got'm cramping, it's so angry and menacing. We were on tour and Ian got a cramp. It was tense. It was a tense moment. Because I had a shit really bad. We were looking for a bathroom. And then I got a cramp.
Starting point is 00:43:14 There was not a bathroom. Where do you cramp? That was a thigh cramp. The worst. It was intense. Like in the back roads of Massachusetts somewhere. No, we were in Delaware. And we're like, we went at it like in the back roads of Massachusetts somewhere. No, it was, uh,
Starting point is 00:43:25 we were in Delaware. Yeah. And then, yeah. So we stopped, stopped to work this cramp out. And then there's like two loose dogs in someone's yard. And we're like,
Starting point is 00:43:33 what the fuck? They were barking at me all angry. They were just clocking us. Like, Ross, just like add attention. And I'm like cramping. What can I do?
Starting point is 00:43:41 You know? And I had a shit so bad, but then it went away somehow. And then we found? You know? And I had a shit so bad. But then it went away somehow and then we found a gas station. They're having a shit? Yeah. Well, it was like curbed or something, you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:52 I don't know. Maybe the cramp was related to it. I can't. I'm not a scientist and I can't eliminate that possibility. But I've had cramps, but holy calf cramps mostly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Yeah. The calf. Cause I was thinking about like, when do I get get it's when i'm asleep and there's and there's nothing worse than waking up cramping and like and it's so painful that you do like the silent scream yeah you ever do that i thought i just full-on scream yeah i let it out you know the first you guys know this about me the first time I attempted to have sex
Starting point is 00:44:27 it took a few tries for me to so okay so I worked at Hollywood Video hell yes Hollywood Video 181st
Starting point is 00:44:43 and Halsey that's out there deep that is out there my first job 15 probably like five different vape shops now yeah it is 27 vape shops and a plasma donation center sell your plasma buy some vapes it's the dotties. You can play video program. Yeah, you got your Dotties. You got your Dotties. You got your plasma center. So I worked we worked. I worked with her at she was actually covering
Starting point is 00:45:15 from the Gresham Hollywood video and she worked. She worked for like a few weeks. She's covering from the simple. Simple twist of fate. It was a twist of fate. A tryst of fate. And she had a 94 Ford Mustang.
Starting point is 00:45:39 Straight butter. What color? It was white. Oh, yeah. Pure. And she was and she uh she like rolled she was like the i didn't meet someone who could roll blunts after her for like five years yeah and that's all she would smoke so she would drive me i didn't have a car uh she would she drove me home a few times and uh we'd smoke weed and um and uh she had a boyfriend and um damn she was like the player play
Starting point is 00:46:13 at work she would always be like yeah you know we're kind of on the rocks and you know and i was just like well she has a boyfriend that old chestnut yeah i was like she has a boyfriend i'm not gonna i mean i guess you could call him a boyfriend and he was definitely one of those uh sky blue jumpsuits from greshami type and uh type yeah and like she she would show pictures of him and he was always like doing the the west side you know just like god the late 90s early what a horrible they were real bad what a horrible time it was everything yeah um and so she would drive me home and uh and then like the second or third time you know we made out a little bit and then the fourth
Starting point is 00:46:59 time uh we attempted to have sex in the back of her 1994 Ford Mustang and I was mounting and I got the Charlie horse the cramp to end all cramps and I was so embarrassed that I couldn't I didn't say that I was having a cramp so she just thought something was wrong with her and started crying. And then I never told her that I had cramped up. I just said like I couldn't do this and then yeah and then I'm pretty sure I never saw her again. I think she went back to work at the Gresham store and and you know if i would have just said i'm cramping up i'm cramping up i'm cramping up i probably probably still would i you know yeah it creates so much energy in your body you gotta do something with it yeah that's the silent scream is where you
Starting point is 00:47:56 went oh i got i cramped i had both uh i had both thighs cramp up once while Jay in it in bed. And like, what a, what a, what a like one 80 to go from just like jacking off, having a wonderful time. And then both your thighs, like both your thighs cramp up. I'm I've had so many calf cramps at this point that I can get them out.
Starting point is 00:48:17 That's like self BDSM. Yeah. It kind of is. Yeah. That was the only way I can come. I'm cramping. I gotta be cramping. I can knock a fucking calf cramp out.
Starting point is 00:48:28 I pull my toes up. It's out. It's gone. You know what I mean? The bouncers are trained to deal with that kind of situation. But the thighs fuck me up every time. I'll get weird back ones every now and then. I get my feet a lot. Yeah, feet for sure. I was doing the sit and reach the other day at the gym. I got a gym membership.
Starting point is 00:48:43 I got the wicked the most wicked cramp I've ever had right on my like xiphoid process almost. Yeah, and it was scary. It didn't hurt, but it was scary where I was like is something am I hurt like that? I hurt something. Oh, yeah, and I wouldn't tell the dude because I didn't want him to think I was a coward because he already did because I can only
Starting point is 00:48:59 do 13 push-ups when I 13. That's not bad. That's a hey, that's one below average, I was informed. That's something to build off of. 14 is the average. According to Jeff, it is. It's not where you've been. It's where you're going. Remember that. If you can do one more every day
Starting point is 00:49:15 than you did the day before, when I used to do push-ups. Back in my push-up days. Simon had to walk away. I had to walk away from the game. I had to walk away from the game. I had to walk away from the game. But I got up to 25 at one point in a row. We tried to do, when I moved to Portland,
Starting point is 00:49:32 Torrey put us on a regiment of, ultimately, we'd be able to do 100 push-ups. That was the thing. So you had to do them every day. It was like, you know, do four sets of five and then one set of 10 on Monday. And then you just kept building up. And I got to like 60.
Starting point is 00:49:45 I did like 60 once. I did 100 one time in a row when I was in- Push-ups? When I was in Taekwondo. Oh, sure. That's when your mind was strong. 100 in a row. You had to touch your chest to this,
Starting point is 00:49:55 what did I get, like 10 bucks? You had to touch your chest to the money every time on the ground. Oh, shit. Yeah, I think it was like 10 bucks. But yeah, did 100. That's crazy. That was Sensei Larry Hoover's idea?
Starting point is 00:50:07 Sensei Larry Hoover booted me after I kicked that kid in the face. Oh, that's right. That was some Korean I knew. Bummer. Phrasing, Sean. Speaking of Sean, it's time for your first and second picks. All right. The first one is my traffic yell. It's time for your first and second picks. All right. The first one is my traffic yell.
Starting point is 00:50:26 It's real simple, but if I'm in traffic and anything happens, or just in general, if I see something I don't appreciate, I'm just like, dog! I just yell dog all the time. No swear words. I can say it anywhere.
Starting point is 00:50:39 I do it at the grocery store. I did it last night. Someone walked by and was just like, dog! Someone just walks right in front of me and it's just a way for me to get it out. Nobody gets pissed at me or anything if I scream dog. You kind of call him friend.
Starting point is 00:50:55 In a way, dog kind of means friend. It's the phrasing of like, it's got that, are you serious? Are you serious right now? It's just a real quick way just to get that across. Like, what the fuck? You know?
Starting point is 00:51:08 Yeah. Doc. All the time. And it can be good too. It's actually not always a bad thing. Like if something's super dope. I've heard you yell dog and it's, it's out of friendship and happiness.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Yeah. Good dogs too. Yeah. Yeah. Big dogs. I'll tell you that. Big dogs, little dogs, bad dogs, good dogs too. Yeah, big dogs, I'll tell you that. Big dogs, little dogs, bad dogs, good dogs.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Good dogs. Yeah, that's the thing that I yell the most. Just dogs, real simple dog. Dog! I love it. Even if you're angry, I'm like, no. I'm a dog.
Starting point is 00:51:44 It's like, it's a good like, come on, you know, what are you doing here? Like, let's be amicable about this. Did I use that right? You think the kids are amicable? Yeah, absolutely. It's not going to get you into a fight. Probably. Hopefully.
Starting point is 00:51:56 Think the kids are saying what? Let me hear it. Dog. Are they still saying it? I, dude, I'm wondering, I feel like I'm towing that line of turning into a dork. Like, you know, where you're always like, I'm cool. I know what kids are doing. I'm saying groovy. That's what I'm towing that line of turning into a dork. You know where you're always like, I'm cool. I know what kids are doing. I'm saying groovy. That's what I'm...
Starting point is 00:52:08 I do not know. The only reason I know about contemporary music is from you and David. You're not 40, but the sign is on the... 38. I got about a mile to go to the exit. I'm right there. I bet it's just Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops.
Starting point is 00:52:26 Well, you wonder, because I still dress... I've dressed the same since I'm 14. So that's not changing. And that's how skateboarders dress. But I'm like, I feel like I'm not getting... You said that like a mafia guy. I've dressed the same since I'm 14. That's what attracted me to the mob.
Starting point is 00:52:42 I dressed the same since I was running books. What are those guys doing? Since I'm, you know, yeah. Running numbers for Jimmy Fingers. Since I'm 14. Jimmy Fat Cheats. You know, Jimmy Ugly Fuck. Jimmy the Ugly Motherfucker, you know?
Starting point is 00:53:01 Jimmy Twice Bitch. That's the guy around the neighborhood. Jimmy Little Dick. By the time the mafia got to Sacramento, most of the nicknames had been taken. So that was Tony Shrimp Dick Baby Nuts. My words for Jackie Toyota to sell. That was James.
Starting point is 00:53:23 We nicknamed him Doug. He was the Don. Just a normal name. He died before he could get a nickname. Yeah, dead Doug. Doug! Yeah, Doug. I scream it all the time.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Doug! What's your second pick? The second pick is something that people often yell. Oh. And it's... It's in Wanted, Dead or Alive. And it's in Wanted Dead or Alive. And it's when Richie Sambora says wanted. So when everyone's like,
Starting point is 00:53:51 because I'm wanted, wanted. Dead or alive. Everybody yells that wanted part. Wanted. Everybody yells that all the time, constantly. Wow. And I love it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:05 Because I'm wanted, wanted, dead or alive. Wow. What are your thoughts on this? I see, I see the gears turning. It's an early round. I mean, this is a very, this is a, it's more. I could have got that later. Some drafts we do and there's a small pool, you know. I could have got it later. Some drafts we do, and there's a small pool. You know?
Starting point is 00:54:25 I could have got it later. I was feeling... There's a limited... But, like, this is one where it's wide open just from Jump Street, so I guess I can't really criticize you for taking it early. I just wanted to do it. Wanted! You wanted to do it.
Starting point is 00:54:37 I just wanted to pick that right now. You sounded really good screaming it. You did sound good. I was like, what am I? It's like a sing show. You know, it kills me as people always sing it too early. People go in and they sing it, but because he doesn't do it on the first. Yeah, the first wanted he comes in on like
Starting point is 00:54:56 the second one. I'm wanted wanted. Oh, it feels good. It does feel good because I'm not a good singer. I dig deeper than that. It does feel good. I'm not a good singer. You've got to dig deeper than that. There it is. You've got to get your shovel in the gravel.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Chunks turning down the level. This is going to be so fun. I would like Dead or alive. Dead or alive. Gore Lamy. Dead or alive. Dead or alive. Gorlami. Gorlami. We were watching Glorious Bastards last night.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Dominic DiCoco. One more time? Dominic DiCoco. Bravo. That scene is dope because we were just, this is a hard diversion, but like, Christoph Waltz's character knows they're all the bastards,
Starting point is 00:55:44 so he's just fucking with them at that point yeah and just makes them keep repeating their names in terrible Italian it is the best it's so funny and you were hiking this mountain in Paris last night yeah how'd you hurt your foot mountain climbing and he just like has to walk away he's laughing so hard and you were climbing this mountain in Paris last night he's laughing so hard? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:56:05 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:56:05 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:56:05 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:56:05 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:56:08 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:56:08 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:56:21 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, for an afternoon? You know what? I might allow myself one squirt of mustard. That he measures in a teaspoon. No, I don't want to give myself more than one squirt. I don't deserve it.
Starting point is 00:56:35 This mustard has to last through the next four winters. I try to make it exactly to the expiration date. That's the last squirt. I didn't earn it. Exactly to the expiration date. I didn't earn it. Exactly to the expiration date. I didn't earn it. That's one of the funnier things I've heard in quite some time. I'm cramping up a little bit.
Starting point is 00:56:56 I'm cramping up. My second pick is something I've never yelled. It's something that I think is often seldom yelled, if we're being honest with ourselves. Not often. It is seldom yelled. Yelled them. But it's something I would like to yell It's something that I think is often seldom yelled, if we're being honest with ourselves. Not often. It is seldom yelled. Yelled them.
Starting point is 00:57:08 But it's something I would like to yell at some point or see someone yell, and that is, I'm putting the whole system on trial. Yeah. I love it. Right? That's like the Serpico. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Serpico.
Starting point is 00:57:21 I could see a few good men saying that. I bet it was in an early draft of Spotlight. It got eliminated before it went to the film, but it was for sure in... I'm putting the whole system on trial. I'm putting the whole system on trial! Also, I was just talking about this with someone.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Is Al Pacino a good actor, or does he just scream the dramatic parts? I've looked into this. It was Scent of a Woman. I've looked into this. It was Scent of a Woman. Scent of a Woman. Before that, it was... If you look at his IMDb, it's weird
Starting point is 00:57:52 because he didn't work a lot in the 80s. He took a lot of time off. I just read an interview. He was kind of broke. Yeah. He wasn't making a lot of movies because he made all that stuff, those amazing movies. In the 80s, he didn't work a ton and then came back as like cartoon pacino yeah with danny collins the rookie and shit like that or what was that him and colin peril i don't
Starting point is 00:58:14 know he's got my he's got my favorite line in any movie ever it's in heat and he's yelling at hank azaria who if you watch this movie again Hank Azaria is like losing his shit laughing so hard and they must have done a million takes and Al Pacino's like seeing this and he goes he says this he goes
Starting point is 00:58:37 cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up in it. Yeah, that was like the 27th take. Really? Yeah, because I've heard about that.
Starting point is 00:58:53 That's my favorite Pacino thing too. When you said my favorite Pacino quote, I put it into Google because she's got a great ass. You got your head all the way up. All the way up. Yeah, and Hank and hank casario says he says something like it doesn't even show his face and then al pacino's like yeah something about talking about a woman's yeah it does something like everybody's like i don't know what's happening. Are we making a machine gun? Great ass! This movie's four hours long.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Michael Mann does whatever he wants. And that line needed to be in there. Yeah, that's what you kept in. Anyway, that's my second pick. David, time for your second pick. This one's a classic, but The British Are Coming. The British Are Coming. History buff over here.
Starting point is 00:59:44 It's still fun to yell. If you're going by a crowd and there's like a big crowd at a club and you hang your head out the window and you yell, the British are coming. It's still fun. It never quit being fun. The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.
Starting point is 00:59:56 It's patriotic. It's historical. You don't have to have a horse. You can be in a Subaru and yell. The British are coming! in a Subaru and yell The British are coming! That is a fucking fun thing to yell. Oh my god. I'm going to
Starting point is 01:00:12 incorporate that into my life. I'll give you full credit. Yeah, sure. Do it. It's good to have calm things to yell that don't make any sense that somebody wouldn't shoot you for. Yell it at a crowd. They just look at each other and go, oh, that was a moment in this nation's history. Let's all remember where this started. I wish I would have.
Starting point is 01:00:26 I wish I would have known that last night when I was at the Pikey in West Hollywood. Oh, yeah. Pikey. That's where Stan what Stan Hope and Johnny Depp met. Am I right? Yeah, that was right by the old nerdist, right? Right. Meltdown.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's a nice bar. Stan Hope used to go right all the time there. I can see it. Stanhope and Johnny Depp are big friends. Yeah. Pretty popular. Johnny Depp's like a big Stanhope fan. I'm cramping up in my brain.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Cramping up in my brain. That's why Stanhope bought that big desert compound so Depp would have a place to bury his jewelry. It's a nice thing to do it's a nice thing to do for burying my jewelry and my art I need a giant underground sauvage container would you mind buying a desert compound
Starting point is 01:01:13 I need some place to bury my jewelry yeah the furniture company is great you know Paul Revere like there's one dude who rode like 300 miles that night on his horse yelling it and Paul Revere rode like 15 but the other guy's name didn't yelling it. And Paul Revere rode like 15. But the other guy's name didn't rhyme with anything. So Paul Revere got all the heat from it.
Starting point is 01:01:29 Oh my God, that's so bug. So Longfellow was like, people were at a bunch of a shit. That's why you change your name for entertainment. Make sure it rhymes. Gordon Jordan. Who rode 300 miles? I'm trying to look it up right now. Oh, William Dawes.
Starting point is 01:01:44 That rhymes with shit. Good. What the fuck? Longfellow must have been. Dawes was on his house. I might change my name. Simon Dawes. Simon Dawes.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Dude, Dawes. It rhymes with paws. Dawes. Yeah. Come on, man. Dude, Will. Put the British on paws. Another poet, Helen F. Moore,
Starting point is 01:02:03 dismayed that William Dawes had been forgotten, penned a parody of Longfellow's poem. It is all very well for the children to hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere, but why should my name be quite forgot? Who rolled as boldly and well, God what? Why should I ask? The reason is clear. My name was Doz
Starting point is 01:02:19 and his Revere. Oh, shit. Nobody gives a shit, Dawes. Give it up. How did you even get in here? Nobody invited you. Kick rocks, asshole. Dawes is in the pub again talking about it.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Should have been him. I couldn't help but overhear you talking about Paul Revere. No, we weren't. We warned you, Dawes. He's talking about something else. Well, if I may sidle up to your table for a moment. It's like no chairs. Here's a story that will give you pause. Stop it, Seth.
Starting point is 01:02:54 Don't ask again. That's fucking jamoke. Burners, you're coming. Simon, time for your second and third picks, as it is a serpentine draft. Second and third picks. Okay, great. How many rounds are there? Five.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Five. Okay. It's a serpentine draft. You dumb shit. I know how it works. You're watching. If you're watching Mystic River, you know, Mystic River alone. You're okay. Alone in your room watching Mystic River
Starting point is 01:03:20 four in the morning. That's the first time where the guy who did that has also been around the next day Simon, tell me your second and third picks okay, second pick this is a famous one Ricky do it again
Starting point is 01:03:41 Lucille Ball let me hear it again. Lucille Ball? That's Lucille Ball. Let me hear it again. Ricky. And when he tells her she can't do something. Oh, Ricky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go come to your dizzy, bro. Boy, it would have been fun to do comedy, you know,
Starting point is 01:04:00 back when there were only three channels. Oh, can you imagine? Notice Lucille Ball, master of her time, you know what I mean? But when you go back and watch that old comedy, it's just like, there's too much chocolate! And that's one of the greatest episodes of all time. It's coming out too fast.
Starting point is 01:04:15 It's coming out too fast. We're cranking these out too quick. The conveyor belt went haywire. Another big trope was, Vietnam sure makes you crazy. Or was it the Korean War? That was a mash. Whatever war. You just fill it in.
Starting point is 01:04:31 It's all the same. Otis, they had an episode where they go to his house, and guess what? He has a very nice wife. Really? Yeah. Aw. That always happens. Yeah, he'd hit her.
Starting point is 01:04:44 Mr. Parker ain't hitting her right either. Mr.er ain't hitting it right either what was ricky's club called uh i don't know shit about i love lucy you know that's the thing is i really don't either but that's something that like i i would i didn't necessarily say it a lot but it's the only thing i know about that show. And for the most part, 50s television in general. I mean, I had Nick at Night. I loved Nick at Night. The only thing I gave a fuck about
Starting point is 01:05:14 was Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed, Donna Reed, Patty Duke. I watched a lot of Sanford. Get Smart, The Monkees. Yeah. Ricky Wann, fantastic. And your third pick? I heard this one time, and it's become something that's a part of me.
Starting point is 01:05:32 It was at a restaurant, and just somebody says, just from across the restaurant, more ranch! And boy, did they need it yeah yeah and that kind of like just summed up my whole career in the customer service field wait you were working they yell i mean they didn't yell it at me but you were working so i worked at um i i did a i was a barista for a couple of years at Blue Jam Cafe. Delicious. Probably some of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen.
Starting point is 01:06:12 The Hollywood one. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I only worked two shifts, Saturday and Sunday. And Sunday brunch. Oh, my God. It's a collection of some of the biggest pieces of shit. And I can sum that up with more.
Starting point is 01:06:27 You're at a breakfast place and you want more ranch. Yeah. What the fuck? You fucking monster. I get it. You know, I'd say all the ranch. Bring it all to me so I don't have to yell at you again. Do you have it in a bag? A plastic bag? And do you have an IV?
Starting point is 01:06:47 More ranch is like someone would yell at like a sherry's but the thing is sherry's would never not give you enough ranch yeah you're always gonna i'm not bringing you bowls that's the catch 22 they do they're like if you ask for ranch at a place like that they bring a bowl of it because it's one of those ramekins it's like a rocks glass you're like whoa this thing's huge i did my only dine and dash at a sherry's restaurant and it is something that i've like held on to for a long time i me and my friends tipped with a coupon there once because we literally had no other money and we thought this is better than nothing like it was from the best of intention we were like in 16 years old yeah but i think back and i'm like what just the fact that you thought about i did it at a hoo-ha in sioux falls you did it at a Hoo-Hot in Sioux Falls.
Starting point is 01:07:26 You did it at the Hoo-Hot? Dine and Ditch to Hoo-Hot. Really? Okay, so it's a Mongolian grill. There's no servers, though, right? Well, you go up and you point at stuff. You go, ooh, I'd like a little bit of that. I'd like a little bit of that. And then a Mongolian chef.
Starting point is 01:07:40 Yeah. Not true. He's right from Mongolia. Some dude from tea. He puts it in a bowl and shakes it a few times and then he gives it to you and then you sit down and then your waitress never comes and you're like, I'm just leaving.
Starting point is 01:07:53 Yeah, they do. So you stand in a big line. It's like you pick all your shit out. It's like Chang's Mongolian Grill. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Your boy had some meals there. I mean, you have to go to Chang's Mongolian Grill and not leave uncomfortable. Well, because you could you could get as at who you can get as many as you want. So you can go get as many bowls.
Starting point is 01:08:14 It's like nine. You can't take it home. No, no. Why? You take it home and God's container on your plate. They'll box that up. But you can't go like one for the road. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:24 Not a who hot, not a chance. Not anybody. As far as I'm aware, that's a mean poops after who I'll tell you that. Go into it. Make that the next half hour of the podcast. One of the most depressing things that I ever realized was I was like drunk, leaving a show in Koreatown. I'll buy that.
Starting point is 01:08:40 And I went to two separate all youyou-can-eat Korean barbecue places, and they would not serve me because you have to be with at least two people to eat all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue. Wow. And they were like, I mean, we can do it, but we have to charge you for two people. And I was like thinking about it. I was like, I got to get out of here.
Starting point is 01:09:04 But I know you couldn't do that. You can't go eat all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue. I never knew that. I thought that thinking about it. I was like, I got to get out of here. But I know you couldn't do that. You can't go eat all you can eat Korean barbecue. I never knew that. I thought that was the point of all you can eat. That's crazy that you can't do it by yourself. You're sad, you're alone. You got to stuff. Right.
Starting point is 01:09:14 Now you got to be at least with one other sad. Feels like there should be one place. That's heartbreaking. Yeah, that's pretty whack. Yeah, that sucked. I'm sorry. This took a sad turn. Everybody was just staring.
Starting point is 01:09:28 We'll get some Korean barbecue after this. We're all seriously bummed out. All around me are... More ranch! More ranch! Yeah, that's a fucking ethos. More ranch. Yep.
Starting point is 01:09:43 Do you have time for your third pick? Okay. Hey, sir! hey sir sir hey sir you dropped your plane ticket was that you or someone that happened it's been me i've been yelled at like that before yeah it's always it's nice to see here and hear people helping people yeah yeah it's because what's not i love about that is when if someone's yelling at you you're at the airport yeah so you're a little bit tense anyway and now someone's yelling at you so it makes you even a little more tense sir sir and then you turn around you forgot forgot your plane ticket. Immediately the tension, you're like, oh, thank you. Oh my God. It really raises the stakes, you know, and then it releases the
Starting point is 01:10:30 tension. I'm not tense at an airport. Never tense at an airport anymore. That's crazy. I hate flying. I'm scared to fly, but at the airport I'm really calm because it's like the safest place in the whole world you could be. And yeah, nothing really shakes me at the airport.
Starting point is 01:10:46 I'm always running late. I'm rattled. I'm always early, like hours early. I'm running late, but I still want to get a breakfast sandwich. It's going to make me sick. I went to the airport to watch a basketball game this last time I flew back. I went to the airport to watch the Blazer game hours before my flight.
Starting point is 01:11:01 Really? At the Portland airport? That's a nice one. I'll be... At the Portland airport? Uh-huh. Wow, right. That's like a vacation. That's a nice one. Yeah. I'm not going to like the fucking, you know, Bismarck airport two hours earlier or anything. Are you familiar? Okay, so... But Sioux Falls, they got vidlot machines there. Joe Fossfield,
Starting point is 01:11:15 Playboy, they got a whole new extension. You're gambling. You feel like you're at a real... I'll tell you this. You go to the Sioux Falls airport and get some drinks, it is cheaper than any bar in this whole city. And that is an airport. You can get a double Jameson for like $8. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:30 And a order of tots. Of course you don't. Combined with the joy of leaving Sioux Falls. I mean, how could it be better? Dude, I went to, I was at the JFK airport and they had, I don't know if you know. He's doing well. Sorry. John fricking Kennedy. All's doing well. Sorry. John frickin' Kennedy.
Starting point is 01:11:45 All right. President. Yeah, I got an Airbnb in the deepest part of Queens you've ever seen. I had no fucking idea where I was. It was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my whole life. You've never seen this part of Queens. I didn't. It was like, I'm, like the 200 block of,
Starting point is 01:12:06 I don't know where the fuck I am. Well beyond Kevin James's jurisdiction. Yeah. Yeah. My eyes are getting weary. My back's getting tight. Is that the theme song for King of Queens? That's the theme song for King of Queens.
Starting point is 01:12:19 Yeah. Oh yeah. Cause he's a delivery driver. Yeah. My back is getting tight. But at the JFK airport, they have an artichoke, that pizza place. And I don't know. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:31 But this is like one of the best things I've ever had. It was a breakfast stromboli. And it was literally just bacon, like kind of soft scrambled eggs and cheese in this stromboli crust that sounds amazing i ate it right before my flight and it was so delicious and then i had to like hold in farts for five and a half hours i fart on airplanes i love doing it yeah i fart all over an airplane and then you look around and you say who did it? I don't give a shit on an airplane. Wait a minute. Who farted? I'll pick my nose on an airplane.
Starting point is 01:13:10 I go ham on the plane. I don't have the privilege to fart on an airplane because everyone assumes it's me. Well, that's it. Yeah. I hold it in. Yeah. I just eat Jolly Ranchers and read my book. Jolly Ranchers and... You're a six-year-old when you're on a plane?
Starting point is 01:13:26 I'm a six-year-old, man. I go full six. Oh, look at you guys bragging. You could read when you were six. All right. I'm up in first class developing a rapport. Reading Hank the Cowdog and sucking on a watermelon Jolly Rancher.
Starting point is 01:13:41 You got to have rapport. I'm calling her Glenda. Rapport is a good thing to have. Rapport? Yeah. If you got rapport. I'm constantly building rapport. I like to have a strong rapport.
Starting point is 01:13:52 Strong rapport. You need no more. You drop me in a room. I'm going to have rapport going with two, three different people. Yeah. By the time you get me out of there. I don't like being in a room unless there's some rapport. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:01 It's tough to be in a room without rapport. I build up rapport in line at the grocery store. You do build up rapport in line at the grocery store. You do build up rapport in line at the grocery store. I build rapport at the store. No friends at the store for me. I've got kind of a running rapport with several people at Ralph's and the Whole Foods. Not to mention the Erewhon over by work. Rapport all day
Starting point is 01:14:15 over there. It's not rating. It's reporting. You know what I mean? If it's not. Sir! I like it. That one's going to be phased out eventually because it's all going sir. I like it. That one's going to be phased out eventually because it's all going to be on our phones. You know what I mean? Smartphones?
Starting point is 01:14:31 Yep. Dumb America. Yep. How's that going to mix? We'll see. We'll be keeping an eye on it all week. We bought it. My third pick, this is, in fact,
Starting point is 01:14:44 inspired by something you said earlier it wasn't originally on my list but i'm sure as fuck gonna take it right now mortal kombat i was gonna take it next i was just gonna take it oh that's sick yeah i still scream you wasted it unwanted yeah i scream that way more than i should it's real fun in this day and age. It's hard to say. Mortal Kombat! I thought that was the best song.
Starting point is 01:15:12 I was like, this is techno. I had techno rocks. I like techno music. I'm a technician. Is that what they call that? Yeah. A bit of a technocrat. That song and I had a song from command and conquer red alert
Starting point is 01:15:28 and i had both of those burnt onto a cd there's gonna be some listeners who know what i'm talking about i hope there are i thought mortal kombat when I saw the movie, I was like, this is fucking awesome. I loved it. Special effects. Top notch. I would like not that long ago. I'd like.
Starting point is 01:15:55 Yeah, me too. Maybe like in the last couple of years. It's like a fun time. I'd like him to reboot Mortal Kombat. I would. I'd like a new movie with John Cena. Do you remember John Cena and Becky Lynch? Do you remember the fake? And Turtle. I would. I'd like a new movie. With John Cena. John Cena and Becky Lynch. Do you remember the fake...
Starting point is 01:16:08 In Turtle. Yeah, let's get Turtle in there. Johnny, you gotta go to the tournament. But I'm out of weed. Turtle. Bro! Bro, you gotta show up late. I'm telling you, Turtle. If I get there early, they're gonna think I'm a sucker.
Starting point is 01:16:23 That's how Johnny Drama talks, right? Yeah. Come you, Turtle. If I get there early, they're going to think I'm a sucker. That's how Johnny Drama talks, right? Yeah. Come on, Turtle. He just has a huge dragon on his shirt for some reason. Nobody's interested in your two meatballs and linguine, Turtle. I don't think I've ever heard you do a drama before. I've never done one before.
Starting point is 01:16:40 I just stole David's. What do you know about it, Drama? Goddamn, that show. It's so good and it's so bad. It sure is. Unlike Ballers, which is just bad. Oh, I thought Ballers ended at a very nice place. Those fucking morons.
Starting point is 01:16:58 But if you go to the first episode of Ballers, the very first, season one, they're setting it all up. They've been setting it up the entire time. Long cut. They knew what they were doing. I'm just in this game to get into a Rolls Royce truck. What I liked about this one is how much they mentioned Patrick Mahomes,
Starting point is 01:17:15 but they couldn't get him for a cameo. Not even for a second. They sure couldn't. Why did they bring him up? God, that show's so stupid. I just got off the phone with Mahomes. Just got off the phone with Mahomes. Just got off the phone with Mahomes. Yeah, we're still begging him to be on the show, and he won't do it.
Starting point is 01:17:29 I don't know where the cameras were, but just a second ago. Oh, you just missed Mahomes. Yeah. Constantly trying to trade for running backs who aren't on the market. We have Todd Gurley, but let's get Alvin Carmera. Yeah, exactly. Fucking idiots. We couldn't get Mahomes, but we got you five scoops of Russell Brand.
Starting point is 01:17:45 You want all that? We got all the Russell Brand. Yeah, there's an ex-eSports now. We're just going to shove that in the last live episode. A fucking lineman for the Cowboys wants to play eSports. I was only pretending to be stupid. Yeah. Sure.
Starting point is 01:17:59 Okay, Reggie. Yeah. Every episode. Nice to see Reggie wind up in a... I spent at least 50 hours of my life on that show i watched it all and i watched i watched all the inside the episodes after as well all the coming next season all the recaps all of it so the rock is worried about his back pain which i forget about in season three yeah Yeah. Yeah. And his ability to conceive children, which Simon, you got to watch the show ball. I guess I got
Starting point is 01:18:27 to watch everybody watch ballers than that kid who's like the whole storyline for season four and then they never talk about it. Season five. It's like it's never of late season lost without any of the good stuff. Yeah, it's amazing. But also it's very enjoyable.
Starting point is 01:18:43 Yeah, you read the fan theories on Reddit, you can spend hours doing that. Fan theories on Reddit? On ballers? Our ballers? Shout out to the AV subreddit. We love you. Sean, time for your third and fourth picks. Order up for Sean!
Starting point is 01:18:59 Starbucks. That's the yell I hear the most, probably. That I hear all the time. That's always what I hear the most probably that I hear all the time. That's always what I order for shot. I get all excited. A little snowman. They're taking this seriously. They spelled it right.
Starting point is 01:19:16 Look at them. They asked. They asked. It's funny when people do that because I'm like I don't care. And a lot of times I will tell them SH just because I've seen people, when they say SE, they don't actually know how to spell the rest of it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:31 But they just know it's like SE. And I'm like, yeah, so just SH. So I lie quite a bit. Yeah. I lie quite a bit. I lie quite a bit. I lie like a rug. You know what I'm talking about? Marissa, go ahead and cut that out of the episode and send it right to Laura. She knows what she's getting into here my queen she was at Pilates
Starting point is 01:19:48 and she had an AFP shirt on and somebody said they were a fan of the show all the mochilates so this is going to blow your dress up a little bit so this girl came up to my fiance in Pilates and she was like I love that show a bunch and she's like the show?
Starting point is 01:20:04 all this? all fantasy everything? and the girl goes yeah I'm a show a bunch. And she's like, the show? All this? All fantasy, everything, right? And the girl goes, yeah, I'm a big fan of Ian Carmel, so fuck you. And then Laura goes, well, I just got engaged to Sean Jordan. She goes, oh, really? Wow. And this girl's at Pilates, huh? Shout out to you, lady.
Starting point is 01:20:19 Hit me up. If you're listening, actually. I am single and difficult to maintain a relationship with. I go dark and I get alone. Dark sea salt and caramel. That's right. That sounds like a challenge. I want to hop in.
Starting point is 01:20:34 I want to hop in. Can I put my ad in the ring? You can. I've never done Pilates a day in my life. Do you like when your partner binge drinks and doesn't return text messages? Order for Sean. That's fantastic. And your fourth one? I'm going to pick bingo. People yell bingo a lot.
Starting point is 01:20:58 Bingo. Bingo. I said bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Oh, Bingo, Bingo, Bongo.
Starting point is 01:21:08 Bingo, Bingo, Bongo. You can start doing jazz. Yeah. I'll say it right now. That was my weakest pick. We could tell that I was hesitant to pick a pick. One of your weaker ones in a while. But he ain't scared to tell.
Starting point is 01:21:19 He doesn't tell me like he doesn't. I'll tell you that. Has anybody ever shouted bingo out of air? Carwheel ain't no liar. He'll shoot you straight. Have any of you guys won a game of bingo out of here. Cartwheel ain't no liar. He'll shoot you straight. Have any of you guys won a game of bingo? I have. I used to go to bingo in Sioux Falls. Shut the fuck up,
Starting point is 01:21:32 David. I'm going to talk for a second. No, I'm going to talk about how I won bingo one time. Also in Sioux Falls. No, it was with a blind man at the nursing home I used to went. He hated it because he couldn't see the card. I bet he hated a lot of stuff because he couldn't see it. No idea!
Starting point is 01:21:47 I also got him some... What's that stuff you spray on yourself to smell good? Cologne. I got him some cologne and he smelled it. He was blind. I got him something he could smell and he smelled it. He goes, that smells like shit. What'd you get him?
Starting point is 01:22:00 Like an old blind guy cologne? Like Obsession or something? Michael Jordan. It's called Blind Guy. Blind Guy by Tom Ford old blind guy cologne, like Obsession or something? Michael Jordan. It's called Blind Guy. Blind Guy by Tom Ford. Blind Guy cologne. Speaking of cologne, smell that one right there real quick. It's a little Aesop deodorant body spray.
Starting point is 01:22:13 It'll get you exactly where you need to go. We're kidding. We both pissed in there earlier. I thought there was something I liked. Hot piss spray. Oh, it's just deer piss. Ah, well, time to go to my tree stand. Ah, deer piss. Bingo!
Starting point is 01:22:28 Bingo. Yeah, people yell bingo. They do. It is a fun thing to yell. There's probably people yelling it right now. Bingo! You can do your bingo wings now. Bingo! Bingo wings. Wow. Bingo wings is a
Starting point is 01:22:46 nickname for that underarm fat you develop as you get older. Woohoo! Bingo! I just peaked 40 years from now what Sean's going to be doing. I hope I'm dead. It's both hands up. Woo!
Starting point is 01:23:03 Oh, wow. I'm getting yelly around you guys. You are? Well, that's the episode, baby. You're changing. Yeah. Yeah. Different.
Starting point is 01:23:09 I'm going to go quiet. All right. Bingo. I'm going to do the voice in three, two, one. Bingo. It doesn't sound that bad when you say bingo. It sounds good. It's not a wet word.
Starting point is 01:23:22 That's why it's okay. It sounds bad when you say, Yeah, that's gross. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's gross. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's gross. Boy, it sure is gross. Bingo. Yeah, that was my fourth, right?
Starting point is 01:23:33 Yeah. All right, time for my fourth one. And this is another thing that I've, I mean, I'll yell every now and then during the song, kind of in the wanted thing, but it's best when the person who originally yelled it, yells it, but it's like, Yeah, everybody dance now. Oh, person who originally yelled it yells it. But it's like, yeah, everybody dance
Starting point is 01:23:46 now. That's a good one. Can't believe that sat till the fourth round. It's a pure shout. There's a clarity to it, like a bell being rung. I'm not even doing it right, but everybody dance
Starting point is 01:24:02 now. And you know what you gotta do. You gotta dance. You gotta dance. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:05 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:05 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:05 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:06 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:06 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:06 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:06 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:07 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:08 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:08 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,
Starting point is 01:24:10 dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, or some shit like that? I don't know. Not going to happen? All right, yeah. Anyway. I didn't look at the back of the John James record. Going to make you sweat till you bleed. CNC Music Factory. CNC Music Factory.
Starting point is 01:24:29 That's what it was. Yeah, yeah. The song is called Going to Make You Sweat. The dude's name was Freedom Williams. Going to make you sweat till you bleed. Really? And I'm just a squirrel
Starting point is 01:24:37 trying to get a nut to move your butt to the dance floor. Everybody over here. Everybody over there. Everybody dance now. Isn't that lady's only contribution of the song? Well, that I think it's that song. There was
Starting point is 01:24:50 a big huff with that because they put in like your textbook like attractive girl and acted like it was her singing, but it wasn't. Oh, yeah, I think it was that song where they didn't put the actual Martha Wash is the name of her. She was from the weather girls. It's raining men. Same lady.
Starting point is 01:25:06 It's great! That was like a thing where they're like, give the fucking girl who sang it the credit. Put her in the video or something. Yeah. Canceled. Freedom Williams. David, time for your fourth pick. Hey, that's somebody's son out there! You're doing i wish you're doing how i want to do it you're just yelling perfect things you're not taking any time well you're doing really great i've had a long history of yelling
Starting point is 01:25:37 listening to people yell that's somebody's son out there that's like somebody gets their bell wrong on a football field well the other team, right? I'd be playing football and somebody would just normal tackle. Nothing like kind of hits him, brings him down, doesn't hit him too hard. About 75% of the time, somebody's mom would yell, hey, that's somebody's son.
Starting point is 01:25:57 Hey, that's somebody's son out there. I love about 75% of the time. It's their mom. Clean hit. That's somebody's son out there. Oh, wait. This game shouldn't be played. All right, Janet.
Starting point is 01:26:10 Maybe you shouldn't have signed the permission slip. All right? Oh, that's tight. That's fucking funny. I've definitely heard that yell to games before. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:21 That's somebody's son out there. I've also noticed the ladies recently online refer to guys as somebody's son out there. I've also noticed the ladies recently online refer to guys as someone's son. You know, I took someone's son home last night and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's a fun kind of phrase. I like it. I'm missing that. That's kind of funny.
Starting point is 01:26:36 Doink Giuliani's son last night. Oh my God. What'd you say? Doink. Doink. Once you get married Doink. Doink. Once you get married, you'll doink. I have not doinked yet. Well, when you doink, you'll know.
Starting point is 01:26:52 I didn't know you were married. Are you going to burn in hell? Which is it? I think I'm going to do Perg. I'm going to be doing Perg. Got a seat saved for me at Perg. Black Eyed Peas for showing Pergy. Simon, time for your fourth and final picks.
Starting point is 01:27:07 London Bridge is still a really good song. I love that song. That whole album bangs. My first one, it's, I mean, maybe people will know it, but it's Skinner. Yeah. Superintendent Chalmers. Yeah, Superintendent chalmers did why are there children walking on my head
Starting point is 01:27:31 aurora borealis at this time of day in this part of the country localized entirely in your kitchen yes that's right yes Can I see it? No. That's perfect. Bill Oakley, who wrote that scene, have you met him? He's a Portland guy. Oh yeah, he's been on this podcast. He's fucking fantastic.
Starting point is 01:27:58 We drafted fast food menu items. I picked a blizzard and he said there were a hundred things he'd pick before a blizzard. He hung your boy out to dry. And David, by the way, picked a fucking ball pit when we were drafting fast food menu items. He picked a ball pit and I picked a blizzard. You can't even really criticize a ball pit because it's such an insane thing to pick. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:21 Blizzard's got to be top five, though. I love a blizzard. It was. I mean, yeah. It's upside down. You show it. They're doing that be top five, though. I love it. It was. I mean, I. Yeah. You put it upside down. You show it. They're doing that.
Starting point is 01:28:29 It's a show and a treat. They're doing that again. Upside down. Oh, yeah. They stopped doing it for like a decade. And now they're too many people got hurt. Yeah. I don't need blizzards anymore.
Starting point is 01:28:40 Not after what happened after 9-11. You can't do it anymore. I mean, it's a bad taste. Not after what happened. After 9-11, you couldn't really do it anymore. I mean, it was a bad taste. Not after what happened. Having cups and ice cream just didn't make sense after the powers fell. I was too busy working out. Getting ready to kill Bin Laden myself.
Starting point is 01:28:55 We had to put a lot of that energy in to make that shock and y'all album that came out. Put Bin Laden in a bag and heat him up. I just fell over the line. I don't know why. I don't know why I did either, but I thought about getting Fred Durst's autograph the whole time I was working out. That's what kept me going.
Starting point is 01:29:11 Oh, yeah. That'd be tight. My buddy used to call him Fred Burst, and then I started doing it, and the amount of people that corrected me, like it's actually Durst, and I go, I fucking know that. Just saying Fred Burst. I've been on board with this $3 bill, y'all, all right? I know what it is. Now I know y'all be loving this
Starting point is 01:29:28 shit right here. L-I-M-P. Biscuit is right here. Let me be very clear when I say this. I was super into that and Significant Other. Yeah. That shit got, it was in heavy rotation. Took an East Coast trip after eighth grade. All I wanted was a Pepsi. Just one
Starting point is 01:29:44 Pepsi far from suicidal. Still, I got them tendencies springing up the memory. I'm like, dude, this guy raps. He's an honest-to-God rapper. He's a rapper. I guess I do like rap. You saw it, you saw it, you saw it.
Starting point is 01:29:58 So rap isn't that bad, actually. Yeah. So rap, it can actually be cool. It can be good. Oh, okay. Put it in disguise. Yeah. So rapid can actually be cool. It can be good.
Starting point is 01:30:03 Put in disguise. Now this is Roland mobile assault vehicle remix. Sure. I'll give it a spin. I used to wear, I didn't, I never liked Limp Bizkit, but I did used to wear a red backwards hat and a white shirt a lot.
Starting point is 01:30:22 Oh yeah. When the hot dog flavored water came, I was out. Then I had to dip out after that. I maintain that if they would have named that album something different, it probably would have hit better. Of course it would have. They're going to let a bunch of Limp Bizkit fans name their album.
Starting point is 01:30:38 That's insane. Chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavored water, baby. Remember he covered behind blue eyes yeah no one knows what it's like fred durst did that then he pulled it he got aaron lewis he aaron lewis is a fucking like famous country singer now total don't tread on me guy yeah the guy from stained oh yeah he sings country now yeah whoa and it's like real like America, you know, don't tread on me. You want my guns? Come take them type shit.
Starting point is 01:31:08 Wow. It's crazy. Wow. From what band? From Disturbed? From Stained. Stained. Aaron Lewis, that guy.
Starting point is 01:31:13 I can see through you. See the real you. Do you remember that music video where they're live and it's him and Fred Durst? Feeling those lighters, y'all. I'm feeling those lighters. I say it to myself still to this day. My buddy Pete will still. And I'm just like, what a fucking tool.
Starting point is 01:31:32 He's still. My buddy Pete, every time I see him, he's like, feeling those lighters, Beaver. This is the real fucking deal, y'all. Biloxi fucking Mississippi. What's up? I've been having a great time here oh my god feeling those light those weren't rumors about me and britney spears y'all stained so and they had that it's it's been a while we're in a while i used to play this game called Ultima Online,
Starting point is 01:32:05 which was like an early massively multiplayer, like EverQuest or World of Warcraft. But I used to play that for like eight hours a day and listen to KUFO, which was Portland's rock station at the time. So I just heard that and like Alice in Chains all the fucking time. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:32:24 Come to snuff the rooster, baby. Come to snuff the rooster, baby. Come to snuff the rooster. Yeah, yeah. That's one of the later ones. Dude, Layne Staley had one of the best voices you can fucking get, dude. My body's breathing. I'm dying, bro.
Starting point is 01:32:37 God, that shit's cool. It all reminds me of being on a gravel road. Scared. Reminds me of hanging out with my friend's older brothers. Yeah. Grant and Swank Chief's older brothers. They were like always in their room listening to like fucking Alice in Chains quite a bit.
Starting point is 01:32:50 We were terrified of them. I don't mind stealing bread from the mouth of the deck of death. From the temple of the dog playboy. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I can smell the peach school right now.
Starting point is 01:33:07 After that show on Wednesday, we should go find a karaoke spot, just sing that Temple of the Dog song and leave. We all sign up to sing Temple of the Dog in a row. Hey, you guys got Hunger Strike? Can you play it three times? Ten people together, five of us will sing Eddie Vandert's part,
Starting point is 01:33:21 five of us will sing Lace Daly's part. We need a song where 20 people can harmonize. Chris Cornell. Chris Cornell. That song is great. It is really good. I would have loved to have been in Seattle at that time in history. It would have been
Starting point is 01:33:36 that would have been cool. Getting so buck, but still like having real estate prices at the time. You could have made the pretty penny. Yeah. It's also when they had'd be rolling in it now. That's when they had that 90s heroin. Not this junk now.
Starting point is 01:33:53 Before the corporations got control of heroin. Now it's a target show. Nestle heroin and whatnot. Turner Broadcasting heroin. TBS heroin. Mars Corporation. All Broadcasting Heroin. TBS Heroin. Mars Corporation. It's all cage-free heroin.
Starting point is 01:34:09 Heroin coming out in conjunction with the CMT Awards. Scooter! Fantastic. And your final pick. My final pick, this probably hasn't happened to anyone else, but this, well, maybe. So this happened to me at a very famous hot dog burger place in Chicago where they yell at you.
Starting point is 01:34:32 The Wiener Circle. Yes. Yeah. And I stood there for three and I think about this all the time. I was standing there for maybe 15 to 20 seconds looking at the menu and the woman behind the counter said motherfucker it's hot dogs and hamburgers it's not rocket science and uh i got so scared i got so scared it was three in the morning people are just shouting somebody said that to you to me started off motherfucker. It's hot dogs and hamburgers.
Starting point is 01:35:06 It's not rocket science. And that's how I live my life now. Yeah. That is a philosophy. That's a way of life. Did you get anything? I mean, I got a hot dog and a hamburger. One of each then.
Starting point is 01:35:22 Yeah. Sounds good. I'll have those. And it was like three in the morning and uh you know i was like i that was the very that was my last night in chicago and i just you know fucking this place you just chicago's gnarly i would die there you know absolutely i don't know how those comedians came from that i really would have made it out it's like comics i i would say there's there's a few places people don't really drink like this in la you have to go to other places yeah you know out of like austin you know denver portland i would say is one of a bigger drinking comedy scene sure is but chicago it's like i'm doing shots of fucking, you know, forget about the work.
Starting point is 01:36:05 That's generations of drinking with the purpose. Yeah. And so it's just like I'm at the end of my Chicago trip. I got like a gnarly cold like two days. Yes, you did, because you're dumping so much poison in your time. And you get drunk and you forget you have a cold and then you exist as though you don't. Oh, yeah. You're getting all that lake stuff.
Starting point is 01:36:24 Yeah. It's blowing in off the goddamn Lake. It's just poison. And so that was my last, I was already like, you know, the sickness had really taken over. And I was like my last night I'm fucking drink.
Starting point is 01:36:37 I don't say that you were down with the sickness. I almost said that exact same sentence. That was almost every word. Would you say it was part of it too? In my head. Could it, would you say it was part of it, too? In my head? Would you say you were down with sickness? And so, yeah, so I like I ordered it.
Starting point is 01:36:58 We're sitting outside with my friend who would like taking me out and we're just eating. And then just like four separate shouting matches are just going on between the people who work there and the customers just being like, shut up, you fucking bitch. She's like, fuck you! It's just like... Sport peppers. Yeah, eating my hot dog with tomatoes. Dude, I get nervous in a late night
Starting point is 01:37:20 eating session like that anymore. What's that burger place in Seattle? Dicks, maybe? But yeah, they're open 24 hours.'m like i'm not i'm not going there i'd rather post i'd rather pay like 30 bucks more and just not have to deal with the like potential fight or shooting or something sometimes you're all lit up and it's a whole scene i know that sometimes though i do catch myself embracing like no i'm buck i'm still buck i'm gonna go i'm ready to go with these animals i'm ready to pour syrup on my head and take somebody down. I'm ready to eat
Starting point is 01:37:47 a burger and fries while standing up. I'm going to rest my food on a traffic cylinder. Absolutely. The dirty shit you'll touch late at night and then just grab your food. Stuffing garbage into a garbage can, getting garbage on your hands and be like, yeah, give me the hot dog. What are you doing?
Starting point is 01:38:04 I'd love to be... Yeah. Yeah. I mean, drinking Stuffing garbage into a garbage can, getting garbage on your hands, be like, yeah, give me the hot dog. What are you doing? I'd love to be, yeah. Yeah. I mean, drinking makes you make poor decisions. No, I've never. We're finding that out more and more. We're finding that. Studies are showing, I was reading something,
Starting point is 01:38:14 Consumer Reports. No. I read that in the, oh yeah. Consumer Reports. Or it makes you a couple good decisions, Mr. Griver and Drinking Buddies. Oh, true. I saw a recent study that echoed that sentiment
Starting point is 01:38:23 in J.D. Power and Associates Weekly Magazine. He is the only one that gets J.D. Power and Associates. Right? Keeping them in business. Pretty Oh, true. I saw a recent study that echoed that sentiment in J.D. Power and Associates Weekly Magazine. He is the only one that gets J.D. Power and Associates. Right? Keeping them in business. Pretty good, yeah. I love the Associates.
Starting point is 01:38:31 J.D. Power. J.D. Power is a little stealing himself. Who is J.D.? Man, there's someone named J.D. Power out there. They should make a 30 for 30 about it.
Starting point is 01:38:41 That's the very hot dog restaurant where David ordered two hot dogs. I think they were Chicago style, but he forgot to add all the toppings and they came plain. And he was quite cross about it. Just boys.
Starting point is 01:38:53 Immediately just boys. Not stoked. David, time for your final pick. Okay. No. Yeah. No.
Starting point is 01:39:03 How about that one? No. Tune it twice. Twice. I had it on my list. Yeah. Twice. You got like your principal stance again when you said it.
Starting point is 01:39:14 Well, I have to get back into it to yell. You got to get guttural. I can't get that worked up when I got the strong cross going. You know, everything. This is my power stance. This is where my piece is. I remember we had to do a show when we were on tour where the mic didn't work and it didn't bother you one bit.
Starting point is 01:39:28 Nope. Remember that? Dude, we were doing this show. We were supposed to do it. It was in Lincoln, Nebraska. And we get to the venue. The venue had no idea that we were supposed to do a show there. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:39:37 But they had pool night. There was nobody there. There was pool night. Oh, no. So there were these fucking dickheads playing pool. And we know that crew of South Dakota kids. Like, I know those guys. I don't know them, but I know them, you know?
Starting point is 01:39:50 So I was back there, like, kind of sussing it out. And I heard them say a couple times, like, fuck that. We're finishing these fucking games. They don't get shit. Like, really pissed. And then I go outside. I was like, so we can say something to them, but I bet we're going to fight if we do.
Starting point is 01:40:03 Because I, oh, I was outside. And the venue chose pool night. That's right. I was outside, and I bet we're going to fight if we do. Because I, oh, I was outside. And the venue chose pool night. That's right. I was outside and I heard the guys say that they had no problem. They're like, I'll fucking, I'll kick the shit out of those dudes. And they would have, by the way. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:16 It was me and Dax and David and Timmy. They would have. And so I said that I was like, we should not do this show. And then Timmy walked down the street. Some guy was like, are you Timmy Williams from the Whitest Kids? And he's like, yep. And the guy goes, dude, it's like dollar beer night. We have 200 people in here. Do you want to do a show here? What? They had a stage. So yeah, we ended up getting paid like 100 bucks
Starting point is 01:40:32 each. What? And the only thing was they couldn't figure out a mic to work. So we had to go yell the whole time. Over like a bunch of college kids. But they were stoked that Timmy was there. Everybody in the building got on board real quick with a stand-up show. It was really fun.
Starting point is 01:40:46 I had three shots of whiskey on stage that night. Got to. Yeah. Yeah, it was one of the best turnarounds where I was like, damn, we went from probably getting our ass kicked by some good old boys to doing an actual full-on college show. What a lovely little switch. Yeah, it was tight.
Starting point is 01:41:00 Oh, my God. Lincoln, Nebraska. Magical city on the plains. Yeah. I think the only time I've ever been there, really. I go Nebraska, magical city on the planes. Yeah. It's the only time. I think the only time I've ever been there. Really? I go there every year.
Starting point is 01:41:08 Do you? Yeah. Do you stand up still? No. Big Huskers fan. Go Huskers. Oh, there you go.
Starting point is 01:41:12 Oh yeah, absolutely. Went out, went out this year, watching play South Alabama. He's the football coach again. Here I am. Come on now,
Starting point is 01:41:20 boy. We got the whole state watching this. That's all we got here in Nebraska. You and Gabrielle Union out there watching the Huskers. That's usually what I shout at Nebraska games now is, no! Is Mike Riley still or is he out now? Nice guy Mike's gone. But man, was he nice.
Starting point is 01:41:36 We had him in Oregon State for a while. We got an Oregon connection though, Scott Frost. But also Nebraska boy. Coach Frost, if you're listening, we know it's been rough. We know it's been rough. Coach Frost, if you're listening, we know it's been rough. We know it's been rough, Coach Frost. But if there's anybody that's going to turn this around, it's you, Coach Frost. We all got your back here.
Starting point is 01:41:53 Frosty. In the name of Eric Crouch. He was one of them, right? Oh, yeah. Crouch. Highland finalist, Eric Crouch. Eric Crouch. My final pick is I wanted to end on a joyous one and one that happens in this house
Starting point is 01:42:07 every now and then. Oh. When I'll be laying on this couch and you'll be in the kitchen, I'll be like, hey, would you grab me a LaCroix? That happens frequently. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:42:21 And I love it. I bet it happens later today. It probably will. Because there will be some chilling going on. I'm in a perfect mood. I don't need anything. But. And I love it. I bet it happens later today. It probably will. Because there will be some chilling going on. I'm in a perfect mood. I don't need anything. But you don't go wood. I need a little LaCroix.
Starting point is 01:42:31 Will you grab me a LaCroix? Will you grab me a LaCroix? And it's, okay, this is going to sound, I don't know how, it's like the cutest thing because it sounds like there's a part of him that thinks I won't. Like I'm really doing him a favor. So it's like, hey, will you grab me a LaCroix? It really is like that. It is a little more, hey, will you grab me a LaCroix? I'm like, it really is like that. It's a little more, hey, will you grab me a LaCroix?
Starting point is 01:42:47 Which is the best when I, yeah. And then it's cousin, hey, would you grab that Sriracha while you're in there? I got some salad that needs heated up. And then it's the dark uncle grabbed the machete. The machete. Damelo machete. Rapidamente damelo la machete. The machete. Dame lo machete. Rapidamente, dame lo machete. You are correct.
Starting point is 01:43:09 Hey, would you grab me LaCroix? What's your LaCroix go-to plate? Anything but coconut, to be honest. That side of that, I just do not care. I don't give a fuck. I don't like them. I wish I did. They're all kind of...
Starting point is 01:43:20 I mean, they're all kind of... I pounded it in two seconds. I just put it down in two seconds. Burp my head off. I'll do those tall, skinny ones, kind of soda. Two seconds. I just put it down. Two seconds. Burp my head off. Those tall skinny ones, too. Yeah. Those ones. Those, for some reason, taste better to me.
Starting point is 01:43:31 They taste different a little. I don't know why. Yeah, this is weird. They make me feel like Shaq. I'm Shaq. Hi, I'm Shaq. Hello, I'm Shaquille O'Neal. That's my impression.
Starting point is 01:43:43 And I love LaCroix. Shaq yesterday just went to some football game, lifted a cheerleader over his head. Everybody was loving it. I'll buy that. It must have been an LSU game, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shaquille.
Starting point is 01:43:54 O'Neal. Blue Chips. Blue Chips. You know that who's culturally biased? Your final pick. Yo! Oh! In honor of David, who's not here,
Starting point is 01:44:04 he screams yo a bunch. It's one of his top five words, I would imagine. It is what he says the most, I think. But yeah, he says yo, I guess like the way that I would say dog. David Borey, for example. Not David Van Eisen. No, yeah, David Borey. David Borey is with us.
Starting point is 01:44:18 Yo! Hey, yo! Yo! Hey, yo! Hey, yo, I'm David over here. Hey, yo, I heard somebody was spray-painting the walls. That's not how we act.
Starting point is 01:44:32 That's not how we behave. Oh, yes. That's somebody's son out there. That's somebody's son's wall, okay? Yo is a good one. Just a classic David. If anytime he hears good news whether it be about him or someone else that's the response if something's pretty buck that'll be the response if there's like an amazingly attractive girl in a rap video that we happen to be watching that'll
Starting point is 01:44:57 be the response yo if we just remember deborah cox and then we go watch a few of her videos. Yeah, if Adina Howard comes on, yo. Yo. That's a certified yo. Adina Howard probably has to impress her. Excellent final pick. Hey, thanks, bud. So to recap, Simon, you went first and you took Jesus
Starting point is 01:45:19 fucking Christ and then Ricky Wann and then More Ranch and then Skinner. And then motherfucking, it's hot dogs and hamburgers. It's not rocket science. David Van Heisen, you went second and you took, what the hell are you thinking? And then the British are coming.
Starting point is 01:45:36 And then, hey, sir. Sir. Sir. Hey. Hey, sir. Hey, sir. You dropped your airplane ticket. And then, hey, that's somebody's son out there. And then, sir. Hey, sir. You dropped your airplane ticket. And then, hey, that's somebody's son out there. And then, no, no, no. I went third and I took, I'm cramping up. And then, I'm putting the whole system on trial.
Starting point is 01:45:59 And then, Mortal Kombat. And then my fourth pick was, Everybody dance now! And then my final pick was, How'd you grab me a LaCroix? Very soft yell. But a yell nonetheless. You gotta be heard. Sean, you went last and you took dog.
Starting point is 01:46:17 And then, What is? And then, order up for Sean. And then, bingo! And then, yo yo that was good Mazel Tov didn't make it I figured you'd take it that and I always yell George is getting upset
Starting point is 01:46:35 because it's from Seinfeld I love that one George is getting upset I had an honorable mention when we were down with the sickness I wanted to be like you ever hear Bane do that? He used to have a bit where he'd go, mmm, Barack Obama. Oh, yeah. That's a good one.
Starting point is 01:46:51 Barack Obama. I've never been able to do the ooo-wa-a-a-a. Oh, I got a conic. You did. It's hard. One time, I was in Austin opening for Canaan, and we went to this karaoke bar to voice the show, and there was
Starting point is 01:47:08 one guy who had put his name in so many times, and he went up there and he was there alone, and he sang Down With The Sickness more seriously than I've ever seen anyone do it. Oh, yeah. He was really down with the sickness. But his ah-ah-ah-ah was also like...
Starting point is 01:47:24 Was it good? No. What a bummer. That's sad. That's the most important part of that song. You have to. Before you step to the plate, you got to know you can nail that. It's excellent.
Starting point is 01:47:40 I didn't have any ones I... I was going to take Get Off My Plane, but that was more of a guttural... Yeah. Get Off My Plane. He didn't have any ones I was going to take Get Off My Plane, but that was more of a guttural Get Off My Plane. He didn't really shout it so much. Oh, in Air Force One. He made himself heard. We want to hear yours.
Starting point is 01:47:55 Hit us up, All Fantasy Pod, on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Also hit us all up individually. Do it. Shout out to everyone on the A&V subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AV subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the Patreon. We love you. We appreciate you. You are the absolute best.
Starting point is 01:48:12 Shout out to Super Producer Marissa. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to St. Kelly Jordan. Back in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Memory Foam Pillows. You gotta have at least one. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Memory Foam Pillows. You gotta have at least one. Shout out to Dolce, but not Gabbana.
Starting point is 01:48:27 Sorry, Gabbana. Gabbana can fuck off. Dolce, though. Shout out to Burr, but not Barry, my friends. Shout out to Gucci and Mane. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of
Starting point is 01:48:44 All Fantasy Everything and an honorable mention, sixth pick, Sha-Clackity. There we go. tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything. And an honorable mention. Sixth pick. There we go. That was a HateGum Podcast.

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