All Fantasy Everything - Things That Are Funny When They Happen to Someone Else (w/ Marcella Arguello, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”― Mel BrooksEpisode Guest:Marcella Arguello @marcellacomedy IG: @marcellacomedy Podcast: The Scroll DownSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. Today, we're drafting things that are funny when they happen to other people. Our guest today is comedian and podcaster Marcella Arguello, and Marcella is the host of The Scroll Down,

a new podcast about the chaos that is social media, available now on the HeadGum Network. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and we're joined, as always, by my friends, comedians, and visionaries, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is going to a hotel in Malibu today. Going to the Nobu ryoku or whatever hotel because my fiancee nobu karate i believe nobu karate it's it's the uh oh god what is that johnny johnny bravo's malibu karate what is that place called fuck oh hold on um the place that's in the real place you're talking about real place dude

joey escobar's malibu joey escobar's malibu karate and then buck song kim is that what it is in buck sam kong in this glendale i'm staying the night at joey escobar's malibu karate no dana got like some sort of weird like influencer deal to stay at the fucking nobu hotel cute i know so i'm gonna go up there i got my linen pants drying right now oh how romantic congrats by the way are they gonna make you take nudes i'll take some nudes i'm gonna take some i'll take some linen pant nudes where it's like because i'm backlit you can see everything yeah just like oh i spilled some white wine yeah pour them to me yeah yeah i'll get. I'll get everybody on a chain with that.

Thank you. Appreciate it. Sean S. Jordan is here. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean had about enough of the beanie bashing in real life. I'm just tired. I don't want to bring it in.

It's my baggage. I'll leave it. I'll leave it upstairs. It's your beanie baggage. It's my be. I'll leave it. I'll leave it upstairs. It's your beanie baggage. It's my beanie baggage. It's a beanie full of baggage. I woke up and I just, the salad wasn't really doing it. So I threw a beanie on knowing that it was going to get mentioned and then it got mentioned.

So it was my bed. I took a nap in it. I did not bring it up. I just want the record to show I don't give a shit about no beanie. Yeah, Marcel didn't bring your beanie up at all. I know. I did. I brought it up. David did. And then the second i logged in i i compared you to didn't even haven't seen him in

over a year and the first thing was the first time i wore it ian called me b rabbit because i had it pulled down too far i don't i'm not wearing it like the kids are doing it i almost said called you b rabbit again you're gonna ask how the shipped at the ford like metal pressing plant was going putting doors on is hard man it never gets easier you know i put doors on for eight hours and what are you doing you taking your makeup off what's happening over there i'm doing a let me can i take this it's funny you bring it up it's kind of a twisted situation a lot of times what ian will do when they go to bed is he'll get up like he has to go to the bathroom and then he'll come back to bed with joker makeup on and that's like the joker just show dana how twisted he is and then so stupid joke i can't believe you wasted everyone's time with that john

i can't believe you it's twisted i'm an asshole for talking about the beanie though would you agree that it's twisted oh my? I logged on for this shit. I logged on for this shit. So did I. Let's just say, except that you think it's a corny joke, but in a world where that really happened, would you say it was twisted?

It's pretty twisted, right? What is wrong with you guys? We're equally as twisted, probably. It's pretty twisted. Stop saying the word twisted, you losers. What the fuck? What's wrong with you i'm gonna go back to sleep do you hear my voice i can fall back to sleep immediately you do have that you just woke mama voice a little bit you also look like you got kidnapped that's a terrible what the fuck

i'm in a closet it's not a gay joke I'm just in a closet The sound is better in here It looks a little bit like there should be a Saudi Arabian flag behind you Please my people I don't know what that accent is Cancel me Go ahead bitch Cancel me

The quarantine didn't take me down So neither will your twitter cancellation that's right you're getting a cancel sean is getting tall canceled with a year of amate right now big tall can of it is that the man what is that pretty good it's like i don't know it's got a little caffeine i was looking for less caffeine than coffee because i just drink so much of something every day now so hold on right now keep talking keep podcasting but someone's at my door i'll be right back sean are you asleep right now i i just got up i mean i didn't go to bed till like eight so what marcella too they're tough man shut up these kids they're little they you know you can't do one baby chill out i would love to i would love to trust me if i do you have more

no i'm I'm going I'm taking back every word I ever said though About like Oh what, you can't find time to take a shower? Shit like that to people that had a kid Were you really judgmental of people who had babies before? I thought it was easy Like that was your way?

Dude, I remember when people would be like You thought they were all making it up People would say like I got paternity leave for four months And I'm like This motherfucker Four months Oh, so you're just getting the karma that you deserve.

Yeah. I've never got the karma that I deserve. I'm thrilled that this, if this is the karma that I get for what I deserve, then please, I'm here for it. Babies are hard, man. What the hell did you expect? I don't know. I was very naive about the whole thing.

But yeah, it sounds like it looks like it too. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm with you. You're going to take that from this bitch in his closet? Don't let her talk to you like that. She just got kidnapped. You don't want her to talk to you like that.

I am, but she scares me. She always has. This bitch is taken. I'm scared. She had to send her topic ideas in with magazine letters cut out. But you could read it. You could read it. so i'm not really sure what the issue is they're only feeding her orange juice and slim jim you don't gotta take that from her sean how much sleep are you going on right now two hours damn dude i'm gonna get more it ain't it ain't there's nothing oh's coming in. Two hours and an enlightenment yerba mate.

Queen's in here snooping around. There she is. I don't think she wants to be on camera. Yeah, what is wrong with you? You shouldn't even want to be on camera. Everybody said you look beautiful. She doesn't look beautiful. That's why it's going to work for you, bro.

We saw her rump y'all everybody listening john do you have any shows coming up or anything you want to point people towards uh i don't think so i mean you know not nothing that's not sold out you know i'm talking about we're big and a new episodes of uh things that are dank that i'm stoked on on the all fantasy everything patreon in addition to the first All Fantasy Everything Movie Club, where we watched Space Jam. So that's on there. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Get a cameo. Do that. I've been doing a bunch of cameos. So get a cameo from me. Word up.

David Borey is here. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. The G is silent on Twitter. How are you doing, buddy? I'm good, man. Yeah. Just went out to the mushroom farm yesterday that was cool what kind of mushrooms hanging in there what are you come on oh those guys you know what's dumb is

i'm now more excited about like with like like gourmet mushrooms portobello yeah like a port than i would be about like fucking uh other than that i'm chilling man i'm doing good any shows coming up uh this comes out on the 22nd, right? That's right. So tonight, come get tickets to Faded with Maggie Mae at the Black Buzzard in Denver. It might be sold out by then, so we'll be close. And if you can't get tickets to Maggie Mae

tonight, get tickets August 19th. We have Will Miles and Julia Rossi coming in. Amazing! It's going to be good beautiful beautiful did you take mushrooms yesterday too and uh speaking speaking to the microphone clearly when although they're not legal they're not legal in colorado taking they're decriminalized but i've never taken mushrooms that's right ever it's funny how many knuckleheads hit me up and they're like

dude shrooms are legal bro and i'm like they're not legal they are like for you you're gonna get away with like your cop catches you they're gonna be like go on mr skateboarder i'm a tall straight white guy yeah yeah maybe not in that beanie though no that beanie in gresham i wouldn't do it come on there it is let it go i'm not gonna go to the grocery store like this. What's up? What's up, buddy? It's Joker. This is so twisted.

Yeah, it's twisted. Yeah, there we go. Tucked the line right out of my mouth. How do you feel about yourself? How do you feel about yourself? You got it. You got it. You're hip to the game.

Marcella Aguayo on Twitter. Oh, no. Marcella Comedy on Twitter. Marcella Comedy on Instagram on Twitter. Oh, no. Marcella Comedy on Twitter. Marcella Comedy on Instagram as well. New podcast. The Scroll Down. Tell the people about The Scroll Down a little bit. It's a new podcast called The Scroll Down.

And Nicole Thurman. I know you animals have been asking me to do a podcast. So here we are. We just like talk shit about social media for the week. Like kind of catch up on social media it's it's fun it's cool you got we got our what's when this comes out it'll be what our second episode i believe will be out and um it's it's cool it's just fun because nicole and i don't really know each other that well but we kind of do and it's just like we just like to talk shit she's such a fun person to talk shit with amazing and you were one of the you were a hall

of fame shit talker so this is like a perfect combination that's great what so what do you like go over the things that happened that week like on social media and like kind of catch people up and dissect it and stuff like that yeah like we you know there was this um popular tweet got maple cocaine wrote it he said um you know every week on twitter there's a main character yes or every day on twitter there's a main character and the goal is to not be it and so we there's a main character. Yes. Or every day on Twitter, there's a main character, and the goal is to not be it. And so we have, like, a main character section, and we talk about whatever.

Like, we have, like, a women hating women section, because, like, people, I mean, women are, everybody's uncomfortable with the concept of, like, shitting on a woman who deserves to be shitted on. I mean, come on now. Who wouldn't want to shit on me? Whoa, whoa, nobody answer that. Nobody answer that question and um so it's just cool because we're just we're like openly talking

shit about whatever we have all these like fun segments and it's just like because it's all you know the other thing that bothers me is like you know on twitter when there's like somebody some unknown person just steals a joke that went viral like a month ago yeah yes and then like and that happens every like few months or every few weeks you see so we have a joke of the week section and it's uh it's like us being like you know that joke that we saw two years ago it's back somebody else is tweeting about it this person's catching heat off of it i hate when that happens so i'm trying so i'm trying so we're trying to like get these tweets out there so people can stop acting like they they just are fresh and new like fucking

retweet comedians for god's sakes comedians like write original shit all day every day and people still fall for the same viral tweets you know i see i see i don't even know what the people who like steal those tweets or like getting out of it what do you get out of twitter heat if there's nothing after that but i but imagine like if if you like get one super viral tweet once in your life like that high is so high you know like because we get we go viral every once in a while right or all the time or whatever and they're like oh this feels good but it's also our job to like come up with such an original thought that it would be popular you know right i will also be at the bell house in new york on july 31st one plug only one plug only marissa go ahead and check that out air horn over that uh that's awesome when are you

gonna be at the bell house sorry july 31st it's saturday i'm very excited i'm trying to organize an after party because i like to dance around and be silly um so trying to make that happen so come out y'all there's a karaoke place around there that we almost got kicked out of I think I hate it I mean karaoke is fine if you're you know child but otherwise or like a

Asian like a Filipino singer like those motherfuckers get down on the mic I'm a Filipino child so I love I love maybe getting down on the mic i'm a filipino child so i love i love maybe getting down on the mic but otherwise i'm not really that i mean that's fine i mean i can sing i'll kill it at karaoke i'm just saying there's other ways to spend your time that's not and i'm certainly not going to share a microphone with anybody these days oh that's a good point that's a very good point she's she's anti-vax

that's why. Yeah, she's anti-vax. Can you imagine? That would be the best if you were anti-vax too. Out of nowhere? Man, this shit isn't even real. Incongruent with the rest of your beliefs? That would be pretty funny. Just as a joke, that would be funny.

People wouldn't know what to think she's joking right no she's super latina uh so you'll be at the bell house anything else you want to direct people towards no all right uh i'm ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish black line app where you can get chauffeured rides but you know by a hasidic guy do you have any shows coming up i don't have any shows coming up really i we i'm doing shows in portland but those are all sold out uh oh i'll be at faded tomorrow night in la from when this is coming out i'm doing faded and then i'm fucking jumping on a plane the next day and going to hawaii and i'm thrilled nice thrilled just fucking in second or what fucking the second yeah fucking the second and some kayaking that's nice yeah

uh i'm doing like very touristy things it's gonna be cute i'm gonna go horseback riding because i now weigh enough to go horseback riding oh did you not before you could but i felt cruel like a lot of places had weight limits that were like 300 and stuff like that i'm like i'm not trying to put that on a horse oh that's so sweet are you gonna horse ride through the water i'm hoping to get some surf riding in yeah linen shirt i'm gonna wear an open linen shirt you're gonna have like an atlanta drug dealer vacation right exactly yeah yeah keep it in your pants marceau i just want to keep it out of my pants i want it out oh wait can i tell a story yes yeah please i was at um i went to um colorado and i was i saw my friend david bori and my brother was with me and um he's been calling him david boring

every time he brings it up i'm like his name is bori he's like yeah your friend david boring and then the other day he goes you know you should really marry david boring i was like why he goes because remember when i I asked him where to go eat, he knew all the spots. And I was all, yeah, and? He's like, he knew the wing spot. He knew the green chili spot. He knew the pizza spot.

I was like, uh-huh. He goes, yeah, you should marry him. That's sick. He's a pretty smart guy he sees all my best qualities i'm just like thinking of all the generations of women in the past who've been like uh given away by the men in her family and it's like that was the he knew all the wing spots and that's what was enough the fool knows where the spoovies are at. You got my daughter.

Those are qualities that remain after the magic has faded, though. You know what I mean? In a partnership, maybe the butterflies are gone. You're 10, 15 years into it. I don't know what's going on. But he still knows the spots. He knows the spots. He knows the wink spots. You just want to hate eat green chili with your wife at La Abeja.

That's the standard for my brother for me. So that's nice. Congratulations to the two of you. It looks like we'll have another AFE engagement coming up here. The ultimate AFE engagement. That'd be so tight. Honestly, I couldn't do it because I'm not trying to have you catch a domestic. Whoa. We're so thoughtful. See see that's why we work yeah that in the wing spot you know i'm a good guy you could just fucking not call the cops david i mean like you've said you'd never

called the cops it's i've heard you say that you've never once called the cop why why start it's a neighbor it's probably a neighbor situation. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And David would call the cops on me. Quick. Yeah. She put her hands on me. I can see him crying all cold. Can I have a blanket?

Don't let her fool you. She's not. She wasn't like this 20 minutes ago. She wasn't like this 20 minutes ago. I don't know what happened. I'm like, damn. I'm going to pull my hair back so it's not curly and you can't see any of my ethnicity. Bro, they're going to come and you're just going to have like a broken bottle and I'm going to be in the corner.

I won't do it again. Marcella's going to have straight hair wearing a Rilo Kylie t-shirt. You're going to jail, David. I don't have anything else. Oh, sorry, I was gonna say, I turned into that TikTok. Did you see those white women that were showing that they could flip the script hella quick?

They're like, oh, that shit was bad. That shit was crazy. That shit made me not want to come out of the house anymore, man. I believe it. That's how they get you. Anyway, that's going to be me when we're married, David. Yeah, I know. That's the problem.

I've seen you do it before. This is like a repeat behavior with you. She's not like this, officer. Yeah, all of a sudden the cops are going to come and she and she's gonna be like he just told me to shut up and then when they're taking you away i have those michael jackson thriller eyes oh my god i'm glad I brought it up. No other shows. Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden.

Listen to all fantasy everything. God. Now we are gathered here today not only to make the thriller eyes, but also to fancy draft things that are funny when they happen to someone else, which is, I love this topic. This is wonderful. The schadenfreude topic uh and the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the

three of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissors shoot marcella wins yeah you throw scissors the unique one they both threw rock uh marcella as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question sleepy yeah it's like uh look at how long my arm is huh you remember that i don't know what it was dude it's like i don't know if you guys know what that looks like like on a graphic i can do it i'm allowed you can't just say oh four dudes white dudes doing that huh oh like the no i didn't know that all right i didn't put that together my fault uh it's like putting uh it's like when

i put my garden hose away everyone can everyone can relate to how i put my garden hose away right now what the fuck he's talking about his dick right now. What the fuck? He's talking about his dick right now. When I get my garden hose out and piss, then I put my garden hose away. When I put mine away, there's the thing that it hangs on. It goes to the left to the right,

and then I have to fold it, and then I fold it back over from the right to the left, and I fold it back to the left to the right. What do you want me to say right now, bro? The fuck? I want you to say that this is how a serpentine draft works. And you know what? You got to make sure your hose isn't twisted

when you put it away. That's clutch. I hate you so much right now. You really got to make sure it's not twisted because it can get twisted, bro. Right now, I hate you as much as your child's going to hate you when she's a teenager. Wait, do you have a boy or a girl? supposedly give it a few years and i've well i mean i've well it's actually pretty

progressive i know it is that's actually pretty progressive here's what i'll say she was assigned female gender at birth is is what you're is what we're saying okay bartlin yeah good anyway it's like it's like putting my garden hose away. If you guys don't know what that's like, then I guess get bent, you know? There it is.

Yeah, get a little fucking spice, dude. I like that. Come out swinging. I bring it out of him. I bring it out of him. You do. You do.

There it is. Classic Marcella. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Marcella, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be okay i'm stressed

out who do i pick who do i give the rose to sometimes you gotta think about it you can't rush these things give it to yourself okay we're we're going to do Ian, Sean, David. Ooh. Me first. Okay. Ian, Sean, David after that. All right, all right, all right. Okay, hot corn.

I was going to say, I never get to go first. Yeah, and you're never going to. Well, that's fine. Because, you know, Jurassic finished first. Uh-huh. What? What? Jurassic Park lyric.

Jurassic Five. Jurassic Five. Yeah. Jurassic Five. From Jurassic Five? I lost my virginity to jurassic five did you really what song that's hilarious it was uh i i don't it was the uh first song off of wait hold on it might have it wasn't he has a playlist with his virginity songs. There's that one that was like, don't. It was like that. And then Petey Pablo. I like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Take your shirt off. Twist it around your head like a helicopter. Do you remember when he did the USA version of that? When it goes, USA. Oh, I hated that. With your flags around your head.

It was horrible. Like right around 9-11. Get it how you can, Petey Pablo. It was quality control. So how we get along, because it was the first song off the first album. Wait, you like put the CD in and immediately got fucked.

That's my question. And then we had sex. Wow. Efficient. Was it in your room then? No, it was at her room in her apartment. Was it her CD or did you bring it? Like, look what I have.

I brought it with. I brought my CD wallet probably up to her apartment. And I cd or did you bring it like look what i have i brought it with i brought my cd wallet probably up to her apartment and i had jurassic five quality control she knew she knew what time it was basically your resume oh you want to see if this is gonna happen you ever heard of natasha beddingfield she saw the cd jacket and she was like oh it's like that and you're like yeah it's just like that yeah this is what's going on today i think we've been like she liked Led Zeppelin a lot. I think we had been making out and then it was my turn to put a CD in and it was Jurassic Five.

Oh my God. And I think she just had a close. She just did whatever it took to get that Jurassic Five off as fast as possible. She figured I would leave afterwards. I will. I will fuck you to not listen to any more Backpack. She thought like the Awesome Motley CD was going to

come out next and we had to beat that to the punch. I really was who you probably thought I was in 2003. Sounds like it. I was too. I sure was too. The order is Marcella, Ian, and then Sean, David. And we will get to Marcella's first pick in things that are funny when they happen to other people right after this break.

This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid

unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They

just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the

bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy, get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it.

Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com

or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long.

It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dose to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days. And you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's

going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule schedule 35.co that's 15% off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all fantasy. Yeah, we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything's the only podcast that has ever existed except of course, for Marcella's new podcast, the scroll down with Nicole Thurman,

where they go over the week and social media. But that's it. It's that and All Fantasy Everything. Thank you so much. I can do better Beyonce when my voice is like thank you so much. It's me, Beyonce. You know, I love All Fantasy Everything. It's a blessing. I think that's my favorite. Now Sean, do RZA.

Yo, I think All Fantasy Everything is a really good podcast. I love it. I think David Bowie is a super funny comedian. He's a dick. That was better than the last time. That was better than yesterday. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. That's something. I think your Beyonce is one of my favorite things in

comedy, Marcella. It's fucking so stupid. I love it so much. It is stupid, but it's perfect. I love it so much. Marcel, you have the first pick, and things that are funny when they happen to other people. What will that first pick be? Okay. I'm going to say watching someone get barfed on.

Yeah. That's so funny. By a grown up, right? Like by an adult. I mean, I think it's funny either way in a baby pukes. It's funny, you know, like pukes it's funny you know like especially especially if like with sean he's a parent so he's like he it's like painful it's like oh my baby's puking but then he's like someone holds it for five minutes and then that's when

they puke and you're just like i mean that's hilarious like how do you not laugh at that shit but also yes of course when a drunk friend and another drunk friend i mean the worst is when the other person is sober oh yeah a drunk friend you know they barf on the designated driver but when the drunk friend barfs on the other drunk person that is i mean chef's kiss what a moment it's so funny there's no person right in front of the bar oh yeah that they were gonna go in like let's go let's keep going and then they just barf all over someone's shoes and you're like bro i've been barfed on by sean jordan yeah yeah i puked on i don't know what did it he puked walking to the we had gotten off a plane and i think we you had

hot red wine on the plane is that what happened yeah they gave me a warm box of red wine and i knew i was like this ain't it he didn't ask for it they gave me i was box of red wine and i knew i was like this ain't it you didn't ask for it they gave me i was fine at the airport and then we got to sixth street and i was thinking about like well i gotta keep going and then yeah i just in stride i was walking we were walking down sixth street and i really didn't think anybody would notice and then i did it and ian's like dude you hit my leg it was a splash up it was a splash up so i was good to go but even it was just enough that i thought it was funny yeah it was no it was very funny it was all red it was funny yeah it was gross uh there's no wrong way to watch someone

get barfed on is the truth it's it's funny no matter what old people barfing babies barfing anywhere in between i've i've known or i've realized when the babies are puking they don't they're not like bummed on puking yet so they just have this normal face and so like when max will barf on me and she'll barf and she'll just look at me like nothing happened whereas an adult they're upset they're like oh god that sucked but the kid just like that's dope that it's not in me anymore never teach maxine to be ashamed of barfing i want her to be like 32 years old at like her friend's birthday and just like drinking wine like blah blah and then just

like keep talking oh my god i did that before i was walking when i lived in san francisco i fucking would get shit face all the time at shows and stuff and then at one morning i had to walk to to work and I'm just like walking down the street. And I mean, and this one, I was assistant manager at the bank. So I had like my little pencil skirt. I like a cute outfit. And then I was walking. I didn't barf on anybody, but I was walking and I just went, oh, here it comes.

And I just puked onto the street. And then just kept walking. Okay. I'm fine. It was, there's's fucking morning traffic. It was hilarious. Little dabs at the corner of the mouth. Oh, my God.

So disgusting. There's something just extra, extra whatever it is you're feeling, either fun or embarrassing, about barfing when other people are awake at a natural hour. Yeah. Especially when you know it's alcohol. When it's food poisoning, you feel it's terrible.

It's a terrible feeling. But when you're like, I deserve to do this. People should see this. This is disgusting. I'm disgusting. You're an accomplice in it when it's alcohol. When it's food poisoning, it was done to you. I just love puking and then

there's someone jogging and like somebody like a truck dropping off newspapers you know what i mean early morning there's people looking at you like you asked there was a helium one time this dude sitting in the crowd barfed in his so it looked like he was gonna puke and nick went to go kick him out but he hadn't puked yet the guy's like whatever bro and then he ended up puking on his friend next to him and in the pint glass like three pint glasses and he had them all on the table and nick came over he's like you gotta go man and the guy's like why i puked in the glass and on my buddy like none of it got on the floor god he seriously thought because it went on his friend and in the glasses organized puking yeah dude i could i clearly still like have an order of things

i have it together i puked right here yeah together i could have puked on your floor and i didn't a good lawyer could have kept him in that room i think yeah good yeah you're right i haven't could have been like look he puked into the three glasses which shows that he clearly is still cognizant of his abilities uh he poses no threat and he didn't want to miss one joke from john heffron so you know why why get out of there you can't miss the half i barfed the last time i was at your house i tried to keep it down you did did you go you barfed in the bathroom though right yeah but i just it was the last time you barfed and it was just happening like you didn't't get up, you couldn't go to the bathroom.

That hasn't happened for... My nephew did that just a couple days ago. Oh my God. It's so funny when kids do it. When it just hits. Oh my God. It was just all over his room, on his bed, on the floor. He's 17.

So it was that thing. I was like... And he's a big dude. He's like 6'4", 6'5". Yeah. And he... It was that thing i just i was like so he and he's a big dude he's like six four six five yeah and and he and it was that thing because like you know that's the thing about being tall like in your brain you see a tall person like they're older because they're taller yeah right and in that moment i fell to that because i was just like how did i was like how did you not feel it coming how did you not get up to the go to the bathroom and i was just like he's still a child

he's a kid you know he doesn. He doesn't know the signs. He has to puke so many times where you can like... We puke so many times now where when somebody kneels down and puts the dirt between their fingers and they're like, they were here three days ago. The

spit gets all thin and you feel like a tenseness in your lower jaw and you're like, I'm going to puke in the hour and you can be you can be so polite about it like that that thing where you're like i'll be i'll be right back like the whole time you know you immediately have to puke but you're just like i'm gonna i'll be right back run to the bathroom quick does anyone need anything on my way back like the whole time it's a sacramento punchline i mean after the week of shows i i just got so hit all my homegirls came out, and so we were just taking shots and shots.

And, like, I was taking shots, like, back to back, not, like, forgetting the last time. I was like, I haven't taken a shot in an hour. And literally I had taken one five minutes ago. I was that drunk. I was puking. But I was, like, we were staying in the double-decker suite near the Punchline, and, like, my friends were hanging out in the living room area

and I was just like, excuse me, I'm going to go puke. Be right back. And I just went upstairs, puked, and then came back. Anyways, girls,

what are we doing? Dude, how dang are those suites? I've stayed in those from doing the punchline and they're like little apartments. They're so cute. They have a second floor

and everything. It's so sick. They're awesome. Yeah. No, it's awesome. Yeah, it's rad. I loved your Sacramento Kings merchandise game while you were up there that was amazing oh yeah my page is sure i love my page you know what i always had a crush on him so i was like why don't i get

a page just a yakovid shirt i always had a crush on him that was one year i watched basketball and was like got into it and learned all about it 2002 that's a good year well that's what was funny was my brother is a sacramento kings fan i was like okay i'll watch that i'll be their fan i don't care and i learned everything about basketball and then the next year you know people start getting traded and i was just like what the fuck is this now i'm rooting against this person that i was just fell in love with are you kidding me that's when i started i stopped watching all it was it took one year that's all the man you love is in orlando all of a sudden.

Yeah. It's so weird. And people are just like rooting against like that. Cause I watched basketball just like objectively like, okay, two teams and they just fucking did a great little move. That's awesome. Just fun to watch. That's not how she watched basketball.

Yeah, I do. No, it's not. How do I watch basketball? Horny. Okay. Well, that's part of it Like a horny creep I've always been jealous of people

Like people who want to fuck men Because I feel like basketball would take on this other dimension Where I'm like oh man I want to just fuck LaMarcus Aldridge It is true you watch it with her You're like oh there's a whole other thing going on There's another level of the game Remember that time

You pointed out that dude's hair And I was like because it was like a goofy haircut Or something like you're like thing going on it's another level of the game remember that time remember that time you pointed out that dude's hair and i was like because it was like a goofy haircut or something like you're like man his fucking hair looks so bad and then i'm just like what he has it or he was wearing a fucking yeah it was like a receding hairline or something like that and i was like i don't even i hadn't even noticed i wasn't because i wasn't looking. I wasn't looking in that area. I didn't even know you could watch basketball for the dicks before I met you. A lot of dicks. Oh, my God.

When they fall over on this, this picture of like Devin Booker, when he's like laying on the court after hitting a shot. And like, you can just see the whole dick. I'm going to Google that right now. Thank you. Well, then LeBron accidentally shows like five, six years ago. He like was adjusting his underwear and is actually his whole dick showed in the camera you can see lebron's great yeah yeah that was awesome that's a good day for a lot of women it's it's he's so famous that i'm like i'm like i'll look at it yeah show it to me yeah of course i want to see

lebron's penis of course interesting interesting let's see pop the hood up yeah i want to see chris paul's gross little dick that's what i want oh my god look at that dick on devin bugger right yeah he's in the finals right now he sure is sure they're gonna win too that is buck oh my god for my first pick uh watching someone get barfed on i'm going to take a lot of minor physical picks i'm going to take one uh in honor of marcella's new podcast i am going to be taking watching someone get canceled on twitter that's a funny one people posting all the screenshots you're like oh

you shouldn't have texted that you shouldn't put that on lex i prefer when it's getting like, you shouldn't have texted that. You shouldn't have put that on. I prefer when it's not like when it's something where someone doesn't get hurt directly. You know what I mean? Like if someone like has like been raped or whatever, that's never funny. It's like good to watch that person get taken. But when someone like made like bad jokes, especially there was somebody recently who like,

uh, it was like getting other people in trouble for old tweets i forget their name but they were like exactly who you're talking about leading a campaign that and then then they found theirs and then someone dug up their old tweets and it was like oh i texted him i said i said i cannot i said well i checked in because i always check in on the comics that are my friends that are quote-unquote. I'll call and be like, you okay? I still got your back. I always let them know like I'm not part of that crew.

I'm not going to defend your stupid ass either, but I'm not part of that crew. Yes. But I texted him like, I was like, I almost texted you when I saw you try to cancel so and so because that shit. I was like, I can't believe you couldn't remember your old material. Right? I was like, I watched you. You didn't just do that on twitter you did that on stage like i watched you say slurs on stage bro like whatever

10 years ago i was like probably also video of it and he straight up like was like oh yeah i definitely forgot i i just didn't it didn't even cross my mind i'm like how do you forget that it's shocking to me it was really funny though it's so funny so funny it's especially because now we've seen like it's like the day after too with that right yeah it was it was like in two days it was two days the quick turnaround was what was so funny we might even be talking about different people maybe in different instances who wait can you say their name and then marissa will you bleep it out well Well, the one I'm talking about is ******. Oh, that's what I'm talking about, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the other person I happened to also bleeped this out is ******. Oh, did that happen to her? So there was a comic who tweeted something terrible. And, well, yeah, I mean, terrible is questionable. But, like, people started accusing her of some racist shit. And then she, she like wouldn't delete the tweet she was like well it's kind of funny and it's also like one of my more popular

tweets like you could tell she did not want to delete it and people were calling her out on that too and but i called her to be like hey are you okay because i was like she's not okay i know she's not okay yeah yeah and but but it also was like, this is kind of funny. And the thing that I don't like is watching other comedians participate in the takedown of other comedians. I don't like that. I don't like that. Yeah. And that's what's weird.

Cause, cause you're just like, dude, you not to say that, like that your interpreter, people's interpretation of this tweet is incorrect or correct. I mean, that's up for debate,

right? Comedy is subjective. Of course. But it was just that weird thing of like you nobody's material has been a hundred percent on the right side of history like absolutely not absolutely not it is then you suck then you're like exactly there's always a learning curve i mean and like i used to say the n-word 10 times in his act yeah but i was i was i was at home a big closer that was a big closer i was at home david if you go back to the first 150 episodes of this podcast it's in there quite a bit i definitely used to say i've i had jokes where i never i never said that but i i said the f-word a few times in jokes

and it was in the midwest and people laughed and i was it was stupid and i hate that i did it but it was just part of i don't know it was something i needed to know that i shouldn't do and that's just on stage if you could mic the shit that i've said just like oh my god in a car oh god man i'm never gonna run for fucking office i mean mic up our car ride to vegas what are you talking to be i mean and again it's like it's just yeah that's the bummer you're right when it is other comedians and you're like we we should know better we like yeah because there is so much say outlandish nasty things i thought i thought that was the fun there's so much bad faith happening on the internet just in general with like where it's like none of it's become like a

game of checkers or chess where like there's nobody's actually offended about things but they're like oh i caught you breaking this rule yeah and then like they get caught breaking that rule and it's just this like petty back and forth kind of thing and you would hope that we could be like the okay they clearly didn't execute a joke that they were trying to do and that is a bummer when people but when you just watch especially when you just watch it to happen to someone self-righteous on twitter i've been not canceled but like i've pissed off the right in a way where like yeah haven't we all yeah well yes you said we like you certainly have doxed a few times on tucker carlson with one of

my tweets i mean they put me on tucker carlson with a tweet and it's just like hilarious because they're just like, you guys are fucking losers. They're fucking losers! This is what you're worried about? Are you kidding me? I'm a comedian. You're going, right, you're going after a fucking comedian. You, like the right, who are like accused of being like too sensitive. It's like, it is

hilarious. It is such a crazy thing when they do that because that's exactly what they say they don't like. It's just. Yeah. Yeah, I got put on the info war summer jam screen and it was we were driving next to a car that had an info war sticker on it one time in glendale and ian flipped him off for like half a mile just like i mean leaning out the window it was so tight but seriously though he's got some good points yeah it's interesting it's a very interesting pa Paul Joseph Watson.

You got to hear him out, man. It's like the left doesn't want you to. It's not worth it. I'm pro Alex Jones. Your jokes aren't worth it. I'm going to eat a fig bar. I'm going to beat the shit out of you. Eat that fig bar.

I was eating. I ate a bag of pistachios into the microphone yesterday and not even as a bit just on accident and sometimes into the microphone just the fat boy just coming at you still huh

just can't it's still oh it's still in there big time it's always gonna be in there yeah I don't care what it's like I love your body

I love your body uh Sean Jordan speaking of bodies it's time for your body yaddy yaddy yaddy to make its first pick when people slip on ice

that shit is hilarious yeah cause it's prolonged usually cause it's time for your body yaddy yaddy yaddy to make its first pick when people slip on ice that shit is hilarious yeah because it's prolonged usually because it's just wacky arms and shit and like seeing in the midwest it'd be like they're scraping their windshield and just and then they catch themselves for a second and it's dude it doesn't get funnier uh as long as they're okay again like i don't want to see someone break their femur or crack their head but like if if it's just a i mean it'd be funny too it can but like young and vibrant i want you to be leaving oh yeah it's falling down it's hilarious leaving the mall you bought like i don't know you bought some breakable shit like i don't know it's anyway that way i get another pics but like you just bought some stuff you slip on the ice yard sale shit's everywhere here in the parking lot it's like that dirty snow i do a lot when like it takes a long time to fall

on the ice sometimes okay and sometimes you like you're so delicate because you just walk knowing that you're like i'm probably gonna slip but i'm going to walk like especially like leave i dare you to leave the bar at 2 a.m and you know try to get to what it like walk home if it's a few blocks since who falls like in december that whole thing because like half of the sidewalk is properly shoveled half of it's not but it's dark you can't tell so you just have to treat the whole thing like it's solid ice and then yeah you always you get a little too too close to the sun and you're like oh i got it and then banana peel you know you're like, oh, I got it. And then banana peel. There's been some hilarious

street camera footage of people in the corner like, this corner seems to get everybody. And they're just like falling in the ice. Right, the news is there but they're not telling anyone. They're just like, alright, it's been a fucking tough year. It'll happen. I've seen people standing still

where they just turn to say something too quick and they'll fall. It's the best. Oh man, the ice is so scary. There's great news footage of this couple in Portland who are like this rich couple who probably work at Wieden and Kennedy and they're wearing this expensive jogging gear

and they're talking about the snowfall and then they jog off. They're like, yeah, we're still working out even though it's icy. And then they jog off they're like yeah we're still like working out even though and then they jog off and they eat shit so hard and it's so fucking funny and satisfying it's like it's so it's one of the best videos it's it's like that comic who tried to call somebody else out and then uh also got canceled immediately it's the same version but it's the same yeah it's just like you know and then just fucking eating shit a few feet late it's the same version but it's the same yeah it's just like you know and then just

fucking eating shit a few feet late it's when you're trying to be cool about it but obviously you just want to laugh like you want to make sure they're not hurt then as soon as you find out whoever's not hurt you're like well that's the funniest shit i've ever seen i mean that's the other funny thing about slipping on ice it's like you think you hurt your leg you think you hurt your butt but it's the like dance that you're like my shoulder yeah you injured the weirdest part yeah because you do also when you're walking on ice you're doing that weird walk where you're like using your like uh like your loin muscles are tense you know what i mean because you're like trying to like cowboy walk so you don't yeah you're trying to control it with your crotch yeah oh that's so the only thing you can if you slip and fall

and like okay you do your spot check your you don't have any bones poking out of your skin you have to start laughing immediately it's the only way to save any face you have to be laughing as hard as everyone else is laughing at you otherwise you look like they're just gonna laugh harder all you can do is laugh at yourself it's tough to recover from if you do it in public or something and you're like it's all it's all good you're just looking at people like it's all right just keep walking it's all you have to get up and you have to be laughing like dean martin at a celebrity roast like it's that level you have to be doubled over fucking like bourbon laughing otherwise people are gonna like fuck like be worried about you but like laughing at you not even behind your back what that's more

of a midwestern thing i think or maybe colorado too we didn't have like enough ice in portland like all the time yeah dude it was i remember specifically it happened to my high school girlfriend on the way out of school and i started laughing before checking if she was all right. And that was where I was like, okay, so lesson learned. You check before you start laughing. Before, yes. Because it was an issue for the rest of the day. Just the rest of the day.

Just the rest of the day, man. She was all right. She was cheating on me the whole time, so it didn't really matter. Obviously. There you go. There was some ice in front of that dick i slipped and why is it obvious god damn it because you i don't know because you're an idiot i i don't know what to tell you the joke work what do you want an explanation for it oh god i hate

this podcast well it loves you and i'm happy that you're on. Oh, my God. Don't give that to her. Don't do that to her. There you go. No, that's your secret weapon, Sean. Keep going, dude. I'll shut my computer right now. I'm glad we're friends. I love it. Oh, my God. David, what's your pick? Yeah, what is your pick, David?

Is it my turn? It is. For your first and second picks, as it is a serpentine draft. First pick, things I think are funny when they happen to somebody else, when somebody gets a bad haircut. Oh, that's such a good one.

I fucking love that shit. It's so much fun. Because, again, so low stakes. It'll be fine. It's going to be fine. Yeah, it'll be fine. It'll grow back. But, like, that first day, like, have you ever had it when somebody gets a bad haircut

and, like, they don't want to come around? Oh oh yeah like my friend our mom got a rainbow fade once like they pushed his shit all the way back and it was like up like and he didn't want to come hang out and he wouldn't say why and then he came and as soon as he walked to the backyard everybody's like what's a rainbow fade what did they do it's like when they push your hairline back and they make it like a rainbow like instead of instead of like a flat like your hairline being flat it's when they make it it's like a rainbow they pushed it way far back on his forehead yeah and like some people have that's just how their hairline is but he was like young with a good hairline they just pushed his shit back oh no so funny it's like it's always the best because it's like and you can tell

they're so insecure about it and it's never as bad as they think it is like it's always the best because it's like and you can tell they're so insecure about it and it's never as bad as they think it is no it's just so fun that a buddy of mine his mom was buzzing his hair and accidentally screwed up and shaved a part of it bald so he just had to shave his head and his dad so he called told me i clowned on him we were all at the skate shop and then his dad called me and he goes sean i thought you were better than this and i was like oh no i was was like, it's hilarious. And you're like, no, I'm not. Yeah, I won't be back.

Yeah, this is hilarious. Don, I thought you were better than this. You don't think this is funny? You can't laugh at your own son? He did. He told me years later he thought it was hilarious because like I had to do something. He was freaking out at home. Oh, I just mean a good dad.

So sweet. I bust my own head every fucking like i in high school oh yeah we did this to myself i would grow my hair out super long and you throw it and then i would buzz it and i would just repeat that process yeah for the entire course of my high school experience i did that until somebody told me that it was a grown-up shouldn't have a buzzed head and i was like well damn it and then i stopped doing told you that that's weird someone told me that they were like it just looks stupid you should get haircuts and i was like jesus they got in my kitchen so now i get here i would still buzz it it's so easy that guy it's so easy to have maybe it was that girlfriend that was cheating on him i i that's not someone's place to tell you, but I'm kind of glad they did because you have, you, you do have good hair.

You have like very swoopy, good hair and you should be, you shouldn't have be having buzz. You should, you know, use your assets. It is easy to have your head buzz, but yeah, no, it's fun getting haircuts. But anyway, yeah. It's fun getting haircuts. I remember once I went, like I did it to myself. There was like a place in my neighborhood that was doing like 11 haircuts and this was when like everywhere else was like 25 to 30 you know like

you would go to like a bishop's or like whatever that place you know where they give you a beer and like it's hipstery and I would kept going there and I was like wait this place is 11 and I went there and it was like they would cut your hair in the back of a mini mart and it was exactly that haircut where I was like oh this is an 11 haircut i look fucking terrible like weird hard angles yeah it like was a fade but it was like a boxy fade but like on a white guy and but it like it wouldn't have looked good on a black guy like it was just a terrible and then you just have to fucking deal with it did you look like like Sean King? What do you? No, it was like a hot, almost like a juice box or like a high top, but on a guy, but on a white guy, like where it like had a shape, it had like a square shape.

Does your hair have the structural integrity to handle that? Like your hair would stand up enough. Cause my hair, like at the time was like thicker and had like a little more volume to it. So it was like, but it just looked terrible. looked really really bad no yeah i went to a fantastic sam's once what's that oh yeah dude those are like six dollar haircuts back in the day idea that great clips fantastic super cuts yeah super cuts like a chain and i want i went in there and there were only white ladies in there and i was like that, what? That's a red flag immediately. Yeah.

And I still sat down and got it. And it was like. That's where you can't really tell them what you want. You have to point out a picture in the book. Like, if you try to describe. You got to ask them, what are you good at? What are you going to ask? What can you do?

What is she going to answer? She does blowouts. What am I even doing in here? I'm 17. I want a permanent. You should have got does blowouts. What am I even doing in here? I'm 17. I want a permanent blowout. You should have got a blowout. Yeah, dude. We look good.

Yeah, calm it down, man. Get a little volume in there. Yeah, get your toes tingling. But yeah, that's my first one. And my second one is, oh, man. I don't drive that much, so this hasn't happened to me this much, but it's happened a couple times. I love it seeing somebody get a parking ticket oh yeah yeah dude that's not nice david it's so fun that is one of the most if it's just as the guys in san francisco you would see

that so much where it was just as the meter maid was driving off and then someone would like be freaking out yelling at the meter maid oh it's funny to me. My enjoyment of this is directly tied to how expensive the car is. Ooh, I get that. I get that. If I see some beater catch a parking ticket and I'm like, oh, that $125 is going to be a big part of their month. It's less funny to me, but if I see a fucking, I spent an Audi or a white BMW or like a big new truck

get a parking ticket, it makes me very happy. I mean, I really, you said Beamer, right? I thought you said Beaner. I was like, did he just, did he say he likes when Mexicans get a parking ticket? I got very confused in that moment. It took me a second. I can't comment on that. Okay.

If they're really rich. Those rich ass beaners. I hate a rich beaner. That's the problem with America. The beaners get rich. Your lips to God's ears, sister. This is close enough to your pick

that I'm going to bring it up now because I think just like tickets in general, one of the fucking best, I saw this happen recently where someone was driving like a prick and then I saw him get pulled over. It's the most fun thing. Oh, yeah.

It's so rare. Don't you feel it's rare? It's so rare. It's so often. I don't have it in me to laugh at that because I'm just so excited and happy that it happened. I don't think it goes beyond funny where I'm just like tight. And then it makes other like my struggles. I'm like, whatever. I'm fine.

I'm doing all right. It brightens up your day. Brightens and lightens up your day fuck them fuck them that's funny they're over there getting such an attitude adjuster for me if i see that happen where someone's like swerving in through lanes and then you see them pulled over like i'm very pro cop in those moments roller coaster that i go through because i don't i don't get hot a lot but that'll do i mean the shit that i get so mad about it. Like, so mad. Like, punch my steering wheel mad.

And then if they're pulled over, I'm just like, you lunatic. What are you doing? You're not a punch your steering wheel person. Calm the fuck down. I think you could take the gnarliest Antifa, like, black hoodie balaclava in Portland throwing, like, a Molotov cocktail at a statue of an elk that

they're mad at for some reason and show them that scenario and they'd be like cops aren't so bad you know all right fun fucking asshole right you know yeah i mean all cops are bastards but this guy seems okay like this is why that This is why they're here. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we live in a society. I mean, that's the other reality. If cops actually did their jobs, we wouldn't hate them. You know what I mean?

The reality is they don't do their jobs, so that's why we hate them. They would have 100% approval rating if they just pulled over maniac prick drivers who cut you off. People would just be like celebrating them and they'd be like, yeah, it's a couple bad apples, but. Right. And that's the thing is that they don't do that. They fucking target people specifically. And you're like, he doesn't, he doesn't deserve a ticket. You asshole.

Yeah. It's not bad. They're like cops aren't, it's not a bad apple thing. Cops are like dollar store blackberries where it's like one of them is good. And then like the rest of them, you can still taste the insecticide. Mm-hmm. That's fucking give me my Peabody award right now. Dollar store blackberries.

Are you talking about Dominicans? Ian's saying some wild shit today. David, you're an idiot. Yeah. Speaking of Dominicans, July 31st, I'll be at the Bell House in New York City.

Check me out. See if someone can get a parking ticket. Sean, you want to come for your second pick? Stepping in poop. Oh! That's a good one. That is always fun. That is funny. Whenever someone,

especially when it's like pretty alright shoes. I was going to say, when someone's just like so proud of their fucking shoes, oh man, so many dudes, it's so funny. Just as a woman

who doesn't give a shit about sneakers, it's so funny when a dude with brand new sneakers or very clean sneakers steps and shit. Oh my God. And then when they get mad about it. Because you know he's going to sit there

with the Q-tip going through the fucking little crevices and oh my god that shit is so funny q-tip first then the toothbrush when people get mad about it like they'll step in it

and they're like what the what the fuck and you're like it's a dog shit on the ground man I mean it's I'm sorry

it happens or it's human shit which is funnier oh my god shout out to San Francisco that's exactly what I was just thinking man shout out to 6th street that fucking what i was just thinking man that's a sixth street that

fucking bus stop dog always human shit over there san francisco is a big human shit city yeah it is yeah it's got to be the top human shit city in america at least it's the only city where i've seen a human shit on the street yeah oh man like i've seen them them do it i've seen that in la but i've also seen it in san francisco and i've spent almost no time in san francisco i mean i've seen it in sioux falls on a college campus so it was you it was a close personal friend i wouldn't let him get out of my eyesight because i was like no i'm gonna watch oh my god just like i watch. Yeah, man. And the more upset somebody gets, the more they try to get it off.

The more it ruins whatever's happening, I'm just like, it'll come off. It's all right. There's Eddie. What's Eddie think about it? It's a little kitten appearance. Speaking of shitting in public, Eddie, you shit in public all the time. No? All right.

Is it a kitten? It's my kitten. Wow. Yeah. Little Eddie. She's very social stepping in um any kind of poop human poop yeah preferably yeah it's always good that's another one annoying like a beautiful woman in a nice shoe that's also funny oh my god because she doesn't want to clean it she's gonna throw away the shoe she'll throw the shoe at the beginning of the night too. Even funnier at the beginning of the night.

And then it just stays with her the whole night. She just kind of smells like shit. She walks into the ivy and someone's like, smells like poop in here. And she's like, She won't. She's too embarrassed. Oh man, that shit is so funny.

She steps in poop and then she takes her shoe off and looks at the bottom of the shoe and it's the fucking Joker's face. Yeah, it's twisted, man. Oh my God. How much longer? About an hour. It's fucking sick.

Twisted. Time for my second pick. All right, let me see here. Let me see here. Oh, like a very drunk street fight oh my god oh yeah i had that in here where nobody has a chance of like landing an actual jaw-breaking yeah it's just like they do that like shuffle in front of each other thing like oh man that shit is the best it's the best when they start crying before they fight i mean i'm in denver right now so it hits close to home so often it's just like a mexican dude

with no shirt on like like just like very aggressive but also crying yeah the amount of dudes that are just like fuck you they're because that's the thing you forget about when you're all drunk, you get emotional. I don't know about you guys. Yeah, you do. Every time I've ever been in a fight. Like, when I was a kid, I used to cry after fights. Like, I was one of those kids.

Even if I won, he just said something. You know what I mean? So, like, oh, yeah, I love a drunk street fight. It's emotionally intense. Like, the wide punches. Those punches that are, like, coming from out here. Just, like, wide. Like, taking the fucking scenic route. Like, are coming from out here. Just wide. Like taking the fucking scenic route.

In their mind, they're like, well, obviously this punch is going to land. Oh, they're George Foreman in that head. Yeah. But then they go tripping into a Hummer or something that's like 30 feet away. I remember a dude, the super drunk dude tried to

fight me outside of a blazer game and like he swung three times and missed three times and the last one he corkscrewed himself into the ground because he took such a big cut that the momentum of it like he did a pirouette and then fell over yeah in there like he's daffy duck it was so funny yeah it is the best it's just it's just so fun also like i love like the portland version of it was definitely like white drunk bros in chinatown in like different monochrome shiny shirts like with their different crews of guys who look kind of the same it was like watching the dc universe fight the marvel universe where they're like oh they're all just slightly different versions of each other and just like that stupid fucking things they'd be like yelling at each other about you know yeah when you like kind of pick up on like you get like a quarter of the story from the shit they're

yelling at each other. The one dude who's like, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. And then the one guy who's like, you fucking know. He fucking knows, dude. He fucking knows. I'm not the guy you do that to. It's always the guy you don't do that to.

I'll fight for my brother. Yeah, I'll fight for my brother. I'll fight for my brother. I'll fight for my brother. Just like fucking gladiator shit. Oh, man, yeah. Did you guys see that clip it was somewhere i don't know somewhere in europe where like those guys came out to fight and first it was like the

restaurant employees came out to fight these patrons i don't know what the issue was no like one of the servers but one of the servers was like trying to do like these high kicks these like spin kicks and he missed this little short guy it was so funny and it was just like it's just wild watching like multiple servers try to bum rush these dudes it was it was a wild did you guys not see that video i'm gonna be looking up after this it's funny because my algorithms have been giving me like tons of fight videos they i'm like they know what i want to see like they know what i think is funny to watch that's what you're looking it's you know i don't know what facebook is doing but every time i go into facebook it's just like

fights in traffic street fights i'm like wow i'm gonna watch it it's pretty buck that's what the internet was for me for like four years yeah it was all different just different kinds of people fighting yeah it's just so like even seeing I've seen quite a few in life, and it still is a feeling of like, man, this is crazy. Because it's we're animals when we're fighting. It's like getting closer to being an animal, and it's just so wild to see people being like, man, you really want to hurt that person for nothing.

You just, it's, I don't know, never, it's always fascinating to me to watch. Scary to me. Yeah, are you going to start crying right now? I cry a lot. I do cry a lot. Won't be right now. just it's i don't know never it's always fascinating to me to watch scary yeah are you gonna start crying right now i cry a lot i do cry a lot won't be right now i did the one time i got like super beat up i cried he gave me this kid uppercutted me and gave me a pretty buck black eye and i started crying and i was like i was like we're done we're done oh that hurts my because i I've seen that. Yeah. I imagine that was at a skate park.

Did I ever tell you? So that happened. And then my mom showed up. She was like... Because my friend told my mom that I was in a fight. So I ran over to the car and I was like, you need to leave. And she's like, what's going on? I was like, you have...

Fight's done. I lost. You need to get out of here. If I'm going to show up at school tomorrow, I can't drive away in my mom's car. she left to her credit she left and i went back and i talked to the whole crew of kids and it was that's adorable we're all good now you and your mom done we're done i was and i have my fists all clenched you're done i just love that you can take an ass whooping but not your mom driving you home it's so cute it's like

another it's like another ass kicking because i know that's worse driving you home it's so cute it's like another it's like another ass kicking because i know that's worse that's worse it's the ass kicking of your soul and your spirit yeah because in the shit at least at school the next day everyone was like i had a huge black eye and they were like you know i heard about it or whatever i heard you took it and i was like that's the thing like the fight you have to at least do the fight like you you know if you're gonna talk shit you gotta take the punch like this is back when i i still thought i was a crip so there was a lot of like i heard you took it like a g that's a really hard l it was i had to there was no not there's no getting like a g though yeah he hit me but i did not fall down a lot of other seventh graders

said that exact thing they were like heard you took it like a g and i was like i did yeah i got i got punched and then i walked home yeah dude i had my sean kemp shorts i did you forget things like this one of the kids from star fucker was there we've talked about this before it's it's just funny anyway amazing uh marcella time for your second and third picks okay my second pick um when somebody clogs the toilet that is always funny when somebody comes out of the bathroom they're panicked sweating maybe a little tear right away oh that moment when're like, you look under the sink and you're like, please, please, please, please, please, please. And it's not there.

And then you're like, the checklist you go through in your mind where you're like, if I have to, can I get in there with my hand and pull the poop out? I don't ever get to that point. I do. I've never done it, but I've thought. Have you done it?

No, no, I've thought. He's saying the thought. The thought's in his head because if there's nothing else, you're like, well, how do I make this work especially i've had things where i'm like well i guess i'm just gonna storm out of here and leave or like create a scene where it's like i'm gonna go do something else i'm gonna go break you're like who just shit in the toilet that's when he that's when he starts using slurs as a distraction I've been in there for a half hour

trying to figure out who clogged this toilet I just saw a bunch of dollar store blackberries outside they're always using the toilet I fucked up the whole bathroom because I was so mad about it now there's shit everywhere who's to say who did what

oh my god when we were kids wait have i told this story on here one of my brother's friends took forever in the bathroom and we were you know in my long story short he comes out of the bathroom it's shit everywhere on the walls literally on the sink the shit is everywhere and i think he panicked because he didn't know how to unclog the toilet and i think he tried to dig it out and was like oh god it's only gonna get worse if there's if there's no plunger there's nothing you can do about it what do you think he told himself as he was walking out like what i don't know my mom is so sweet she's like the sweetest woman she'll like happily clean people's messes and this was the one time she was like you need to call your mom and she

needs to come over here and clean this you gotta call your mom and be like i shouldn't i the Arklayos bathroom. You gotta come get me. It's everywhere. Marcel is laughing. He's like crying. It hurt so bad coming out. And then it plugged into the toilet. He was so upset.

It was so funny. He was not allowed over, but he never wanted to come back. You can't come back after that. What's he going to come back? Oh my god, I forgot about that. That was so funny. Oh boy, that's funny. Oh man.

I've definitely left a toilet hanging before. I'll make sure no one's outside. Out in the wild? Really? I have. Yeah, like if there's no one in line or whatever, I've done it. And I don't like that I've done it. I can't shit in public, so that's hard for me.

I would like leave a Starbucks toilet clog line or whatever, I've done it. And I don't like that I've done it. I can't shit in public, so that's hard for me. I would like leave a Starbucks toilet clogged or whatever, unless I can find the plunger and then I will take care of it. I've had enough emergencies to where the pooping in public ship has sailed. I'm fully comfortable pooping in public, especially when I'm going to be out a while. I'm like, let me clear this off the to-do list.

No, my poop gets scared. I had to go to a hotel. We were at a hotel, my buddy John and I one time time and i plugged the toilet and i called down a room sir i called down to the front desk like three times and they did not bring a plunger up and i was like so now i had to go down and ask the girl who i kind of had a rapport with when we checked in and i leaned in she's like hi what's up and i was like i gotta like i gotta get that plunger. Somebody broke into my room, shit in my toilet. They're up there subdued, but I need to clear the toilet. Do you ever give it that second flush?

But it's risky because you're like, that's when it starts, that's when it can run over. And you have to give it that ginger second where you're just like, uh. Well, you're like Indiana Jones taking the statue and replacing it with a bag of sand level of care in the second flesh. But sometimes it works.

Somebody clogging the toilet. And Marcella, your third pick? My third pick is when you say hi to the wrong person. Dude. That happens to me at almost every comedy festival. I say hi to someone that I believe that. I believe that's a fact. Yeah.

Now, are you saying you call someone the wrong name or is it like you receive a wave that was meant for someone else? No, you do the wave. You do the wave. You think. I mean, it's right there in that same of like, hey, dude, I one time thought this woman, this black woman was someone I knew.

Like I saw her from the back. And I went up to her. I grabbed her shoulders, like, did like a, hey. And I did that. And I turn around. And it wasn't her. Like, not turn around. I get in front of her.

And I'm like, hey, girl. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, that was the worst. Because I was like, I touched this woman. I don't even like being touched. I was like, why the fuck did I touch this person? And I thought it was the worst. I did that at a bar one time i did it dirty tricks i thought it was my friend and it was not and i put my arms around i will never do that i know her friend was like

do you know her and i was like i thought i did i was like i thought i was going to jail bro i was like it's that's done yeah that shit doesn't feel good it's a wrap for me i oh my god one time i um i was walking up you know theresa lee comedian yeah very funny so she had me do her podcast and i was walking up to the building and as soon as i i'm walking up to the building i see her so i start like waving like raising my hand to be like hey girl i just i'm like right here. And I realized she's not seeing me with that same recognition, you know, in her eyes that I'm seeing her.

Cause like she knows me. I know she knows me. So if she saw me, she would like light up. And I'm like starting to get up there with my hello. And I realized it's not her. And I was like, do I think all Asian people look alike?

I thought like, I was like, am I racist? What is wrong with me? And then a beat happens and the girl looks up and she's just like, oh, are you Marcella? I'm Teresa's twin sister. Oh, hilarious. That was crazy.

I was like, oh, I'm not racist. Okay. I was so freaked out. That's so funny. That's perfect. Because you were like, she looks exactly like Teresa to me. She looks exactly like her, yeah. So I'm really racist.

I'm really racist. I was like, oh my God. I know I got a history, but Jesus Christ. I thought I'm a bastard. Oh, fuck, that's funny. That was wild. That was a wild one. Oh, man. That's funny. That was wild. That was a wild one. Oh, man.

That's happened to me so often. I remember it specifically outside of Powell's bookstore once. I caught it really, really bad. And then the people looked at me like I was a piece of shit for assuming that they knew me, too. They were just like, no, not you. Oh, sorry. Why would I fucking wave to you, you fucking slob like you ugly piece of shit i would never know you if i knew you i would kill myself you piece of garbage to me i can't think

of specifics but i know it's happened in portland a couple times where like an asshole i thought people recognized me from like oh stand up or whatever and it wasn't even like kind of like that where they'd be like oh what's up and they're just talking to the person behind me I was like oh what up man I'm Sean what's your name and they're like what oh sorry do you want some drinks or what can I do it's a bad bad feeling you're like who the fuck do you think

you are thinking these people are gonna know who it's just it's it's a bad feeling it's very funny to see happen to someone else though i would very much enjoy that uh saying hi to the wrong person time for my third pick and uh all right let me see here oh watching someone care too much about sports is very funny to me when it's not because i am that person sometimes i've definitely been that person usually at home alone or surrounded

by other blazer fans but like when you're out in the world and you're watching someone just care to there's funny videos of it too usually it's about football people crying and stuff crying you remember when the undertaker got beat yeah wrestlemania yeah and just all those dudes faces oh man just taking it so fucking hard so funny like people on the like on the verge of crying angry because like the fucking tennessee titans missed a field goal or like whatever or like a raider fan was pissed about something watching of someone in raider makeup be really upset it's very funny too that's the thing where it's someone so hard looking and you're like oh you just like you're devastated it's so funny it's it's also funny just like i said earlier

about like how i watched basketball that one year and i like learned so much about it and then it's like i don't understand how you guys are invested like that's like what i always find funny when i'm watching like basketball or any sport with other with with men is like they know so much history they know all the trades they know every everything and i'm just like this is so weird that you're still so passionate about this it's so funny to me it's not even that crazy we just don't talk to our dads i know but that you're still so passionate about this. It's so funny to me. It's not even that crazy. We just don't talk to our dads. I know, but that's what's so great about it. It's like the energy that was put into this.

I'm like, you guys need to work on yourselves. So this just cracks me up. It's also funny getting dudes worked up when I'm watching sports because it's as simple as saying the opposite thing. They're like, man, usually you can fucking make that. And I'm like, no, we can't. He's never been able to make. And they go on.

I hate it when you do that. I've seen you do that. It is so irritating because, you know, she's doing it on purpose. And it's just like, but you get caught up. You get caught up because you're so concentrated on the game that you don't even realize. I like I'm in real life trolling in that moment it's so funny it is so yeah just like and then you find yourself because you don't give a fuck about details about sports and i'm like actually fucking he's great from the free throw line so you know what i mean and she's just like

not what what like doesn't even remember oh yeah that shit is hard that shit is hard to deal with it's the best i just it's not you though when it's not you when i see some like dude wearing a kobe jersey whose face is like red with anger like at a bar like storming out and you're just like because i've been that guy too and i'm just like this is so funny this is what i look like this is hilarious oh man because you add the alcohol too and he goes back to that like the emotional fighting like it's the same oh my god it's all in that world and it's so funny dudes are so ridiculous we put so much of our own self-worth into it it's ridiculous we're like where i'm like if the blazers don't beat

the denver nuggets i'm a piece of shit oh dog i love i'm a piece of shit the broncos using it like if they lost on sunday it'd fuck up my week till wednesday right like before i had comedy or anything oh man that's so funny it's like also just like funny to be around that as someone who doesn't give a two fucks about any of it like just being like i thought we were just out having drinks and eating bar food and now your whole like your whole emotional state has changed and now i want to leave it's so there's like i need to be alone and quiet for 10 minutes sometimes after a loss oh yeah there's like the game loses if you lose the game then you're just not going to talk to that girl again how could that happen to me how could that happen to me and they won't like you try to change the subject you try to change the subject they won't let it go they won't let it go you

won't let it go it's so funny they fucking fouled him they fucking fouled him whatever they fucking fouled him on that last shot maybe if dc had some fucking real refs and then like i'm just and i'm just sitting there going i don't know i think it was the right call just being a fucking bitch it's hard being a ref so oh man oh it's so fun sean time for your third pick oh no go ahead what do you say i was gonna say for all the women listening i strongly recommend trying that. It's really funny. It's really easy.

You just need to know a couple of sports buzzwords, and you can really send men off a fucking ledge, and it's the best feeling. Yeah, no, it really works. That shit's active. And also, we can do it the opposite way, ladies. If you want to flirt with a guy, you can pretend you know things

by vaguely agreeing with what he's saying, you know? Oh, yeah, he's always throwing threes at the vaguely agreeing with what he's saying. You know? Oh, yeah. He's always throwing threes at the line. I know. He's so good, huh? Yeah, he is. And they get all excited that you're into it. They're like, you watch it?

Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. He was talking about it a lot and he still doesn't get enough credit. It's so funny. It's so good. Okay. That's all I wanted to say.

Sean, time for your next pick. I think it's funny when someone gets too high oh like it i know they're gonna be fine and it's just funny to watch people try to navigate that myself a lot of that like it's outside looking in or like the next day where i'm just like man that had to have been hilarious for everybody who was there watching you be like no we need like we need the lights off for sure we need the lights off like why and i'm like we just need them off man just i'm i'm freaking out just shut the lights off i did that to zach and brie we were all chilling at the crib one night and we smoked i smoked like a tiny little hit and i was just 30 seconds later i was like all right everyone you guys should probably get out of here huh and it was like nine o'clock at night and they were sitting there they didn't

leave and i just went and shut the lights off in the house i shut the house lights off i was just sitting on the couch and they're like what are you doing i was like i don't i just you guys probably gotta go huh isn't it like time to go i just it's funny watching people navigate that shit or like when people lights on when i'm too high person the lights gotta be on i'm just it's funny watching people navigate that shit or like when people lights on when i'm too high person the lights got to be on i'm like it's got to be on i gotta be able to see everything around me yeah it makes it feel less scary yeah it's just such a wild thing that can happen because you know you're gonna like i've seen enough people do it and i'm like i know you're gonna be fine i know you're all right it's different like you can't get poisoning you can't

get weed poisoning right so i don't know like watching someone do a dab i've watched i've watched a couple friends do a dab and then they just sit and it's just like moves them they just don't know what's going on i hate being too high so much it's so uncomfortable but that's the thing where because you know again i know you're going to be fine so for that half hour it's just like this is pretty funny watching you just deal with your earth shatter and then you know i don't smoke weed anymore but when back when i used to like towards the end there it would usually be edibles that did it and then like it's that awful feeling where you're like oh no this is where i am until at least tomorrow until i'm not just gotta ride it out i'm gonna be dumb as fuck tomorrow and probably

the next day too it feels terrible everything feels hot and tight in my head yep it is funny watching people be like i need to go to the hospital and you're like you don't and then they insist and then they end up in the hospital and they're just like you're high and you need to go home and go to sleep yeah they're not gonna do anything at the hospital like the doctor must be like you're fine i guess yeah but the amount of people like a buddy of mine one time got too high and he was like should i call my mom no man he's like i'm gonna call her but should it be now or later like my mom's gonna handle this but i'm just wondering when it should happen. I just saw a video like that of kids taking dabs. And it was the one kid's like crying.

And the other kid's because they're like TikTok teens. He's like, chill, bro. Chill, bro. And he's like, fuck you. I'm calling my fucking mom. He just like doubled down. The guy's like, you're good. You just hit the pin, bro.

He's like, fuck you. I saw a comic comic our buddy used to give all these comics their first dab that was like his thing oh my god oh my god and that guy gave me my it wasn't it wasn't a good move but i saw a few comics handle it in such a funny way one we were at the apartment and he did a dab and then we go outside and i was like the local person with him he's like i need a car like now we need to i need to go and i was like it's coming man i like i can't make it get here quicker and he just sat down in a huge puddle outside i was with you yeah he just sat down and he's like we need to be gone

and i was like i'm it's coming man we can say who it was it was i didn't want to yeah yeah i was i was i felt so bad because i'm like it wasn't anthony jeslinick's fault it was ganja john's fault he shouldn't have been giving people he ruined he got banned from the comedy club because he ruined so many shows because he would bring his dab rig and get people like way too high before shows and then the shows would suck because he got him on dab he like ruined it getting dug with high once or whatever he gave me he gave me my first dab and that was before i even knew you could do that with me i thought it was like you put took out a blowtorch and i was like yeah that was felipe with me i was just like this feels like crack yeah it's a harder drug it's for sure a harder drug yeah it doesn't feel like we i've never done it because i've seen enough

people where i'm like well i can barely handle a hit of a joint so if i do that it's gonna like i might be in a different place mentally after it wears off. Well, you want to turn the lights on. You would go to the hospital if you did a dab. Walking in like I did a dab. Come on, give me saline drip. Like, what are we doing for dabs now?

What's the what's the protocol? That's just it's almost a level of weed athleticism that it takes to deal with that. And like either you have it or you don't. Because I was like smoking. I was smoking a ton of weed and then tried to do a dab and i couldn't handle it and i thought i was smoking as much as like funches and all the people who could like do a dab and then go on stage and i did it and i would have to go sit alone in a bathroom for an hour yeah man yeah i just smoked i spoke to join at some show where you got to like do a set and then do a set high and just the joint i went and

taught i was in the mirror i was talking to myself and i remember i just and i was old i was 35 and i'm like you're talking to yourself you know you're gonna be fine but it just it just moves something in my head yeah that it's just like gets this stone this logic stone out of the way and all of a sudden it's like no you're not gonna be fine talk to yourself get yourself it's just such a weird it is funny to watch that happen to other people it is very funny where someone's in the green room twitching and you're like hey you're all right all right we're in the hospital after this podcast taping david time for your next two picks uh next big watching somebody get cut off at a bar oh yeah i thought i could get that like last

especially especially when you've seen it coming where you've just been in the bar and you're like this guy's a fucking asshole he's like we've had to get him out of our group he's talking to girls or whatever and then he gets cut off and it's like oh man i love it man you gotta be so out of pocket to get cut off at the bar they They want to keep selling you booze. Right. Exactly. Depending on the bar. Yeah. Yeah.

I've seen people get cut off on a plane. That's always the funnest. I've never seen that. Yeah. A couple of times. One dude was being belligerent. They cut him off like mid-flight and he ended up passing out and they did not wake him up. They just let everybody walk past him.

Because I think they were like, he's going to be a problem when we wake him up. So we all just left. And the other one was a dude. They cut him off and he's like i figured and he just took it i knew it was gonna happen that guy's a writer that guy's a real one i've had the i've had the look it was like on a flight from la to portland and i was like three double gin and tonics and they're like this was back in my like i'm hitting the ground running i'm like gonna fucking be drunk and then we're to get drunker when I land. And, like, with it where I was, like, they were doing one last go around.

Anything for anybody else? And I was, like, one more double vodka soda. And they were, like, all right, all right. And then they gave it to me. And it was, like, if I tried even one more, for sure I was getting cut off on a plane. They would have reported you to the airport cops. They'd be like, watch for this guy. Yeah.

I've only been cut off once. Have you guys been cut off? Never. I sure have. Yeah, yeah. I got cut off on my 30th birthday at a karaoke place. I had to have been there. I think you must have.

It was that voice box and someone had brought me like a goblet and I broke it. I was having them. Shit'll get you out. I was having them pour my drinks into the goblet and I dropped it and broke it. And they were like, all right, that's it. And I was like,

what's weird is like, I wasn't even, I was drunk, but I wasn't cut me off drunk. I just, it slipped. You were messy. I was messy.

I was then like eyes closed closed standing up where that's the thing when this happened to me a few times where they're like you can't and i go i can but it's like my eyes are almost shut completely but i'm still like let me get a little punchy like that we get a jaeger bomb they're like no dude you're blinking never been violent it's it's always been a bartender being like you're you're good man you're all right and i've never been removed they're just like you just can't have anymore because i'm not a problem or what maybe i haven't been for years like if i'm i'm drunk i'm just happy and i might get tired but i'm never fighty or anything so they're like you can hang but just don't go to sleep and you can't drink

anymore david you've never been i have no stories oh yeah when i was younger like when i first started going to bars in san francisco bunch of times they put yeah they ever draw x's on your hands but no just from like being loud just yeah like just yelling and they're like bro you gotta yeah you do get loud you just gotta go i mean you're just loud anyways but like yeah but drunk david Yeah. Well, like I think about Palm beach. Don't need to dive in, but like when we were in Palm Springs and I was like, oh yeah,

we should be, that was, that was one where we would have been if we didn't choose to leave. Also though, I was mad at you specifically. Yeah. You were trying, you were,

I was angry with you for behaving like that. That wasn't like, that was at you. Not like, you know, you were being reasonable and we were all being unreasonable oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i was trying i mean i was right there but i was like can we be quiet david's like don't tell me to be quiet i think we perceived you as siding with the wait staff even though you were just siding with the side of hey let's not get arrested the first night when we're all on drugs in palm

springs and you're like you're a hater yeah you're like oh you and all the fucking like stuff shirts here at this steakhouse full of families that we're eating at at five i'm gonna buy nine steaks how about that it was it was like that looking at me like i was a snitch. And I was like, I'm just saying, let's go back to the hotel, maybe. You fucking cop. Yeah. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Isn't that funny when you're trying to gently tell your friends, you're like, I'm just trying to prevent a crime, everybody.

And they're just so out of their minds, they can't hear it. You fucking sellout. You've changed. And you're like, I'm loving you the can't hear it you fucking sell out you've changed and you're like i'm loving you the most pure kind of love i can love you right now and you're so angry about it we were at the roost and i just walked in and i was like screaming just like whoa and ian he grabbed he like put his hands on my shoulders and like uh squeezed a little bit and he's like a lot of people looking at you he's like let's chill out and i go sure yeah yeah all right let's chill out a lot of people looking at you you can get there in the roost but you shouldn't start there at the roost

the roost is somewhere where it's like you can disrupt the flow in a way that you know it could it could cause a fight but at the end of the night that is the flow so it's that's the flow it gets there you'll get there yeah watching someone get cut off is very funny and your next one david i'm gonna go with missing the bus watching somebody that's so mean when you're on the bus and you see someone you're like it's just happened to me so many times that i don't even i'm like calloused against it like you should have left 45 minutes that's what i get in my own head i'm like i got up you couldn't get up you chump yeah i'm just as hungover as you are i hate to see that it's so sad oh man that's the one that's the only one i think i disagree with

that's the only one i disagree with so far i'm just it pains me when i see them like that sucks it's san francisco because people be banging on it you know running up a hill with chubby little legs they always got extra stuff distressed out they kick the bus i always think about the bus drivers do not give a fuck i have seen some i bet they love it yeah the bus drivers but i'm like this is your route dog that person can be here tomorrow on time and then have words with you on the bus like why i don't know why you'd want to invite that because i mean bus drivers at least it seems they're about that action like they're not like timid people i've seen they love that power yeah and they should that's i mean it is power you can ruin someone's whole day, your whole life, actually.

There was a while, like a few years ago, somebody camped outside the TriMet station in Portland and stabbed a bus driver that like slighted them. And that's the shit where I'm like, Really? Yeah. Yeah, it happened at like the clack, whatever, on 82nd. I mean, that's a mentally ill person. It is, but like, that's what I'm saying.

Like, who's to say that's not the person that you... I mean, but they were going to stab someone, you know? Yeah, if it wasn't the bus driver. I'm not saying if you missed the bus. I'm saying a lot's to say that's not the person that you... They were going to stab someone. I'm not saying if you missed the bus. I'm saying a lot of times what will happen is the bus driver... You ever see this? It'll be a stoplight and the light's red. They have pulled away from the stop, but the light is red. They could open the door and they won't.

That one is the one that stings the most. You could let them off. When you're like, dog, you're still... I'm right here. You're saying like, I understand understand i missed the bus but this light is red please help me please please i have to go to work no one's riding the bus because they're like i guess i'll get to the museum a little later no big deal it's like it's pretty important yeah yeah it's always like you're while we're on the subject of that you guys start let that let the bus in front of you i hate when

people don't let the bus merge. These people are on the bus. They are not going to get there before you. Just let them merge. Let the bus merge. That is one of my biggest pet peeves on the road. It's like rubbernecking that and, I don't know, tailgating. Also, the bus is going to get there if it wants to get there, by the way.

I've seen them damn near nudge the car out of the lane. me too i've seen that too but it's also like they shouldn't have to you just let them in they're on the but you have a car you're on they're on the bus and also that drivers at work like yeah exactly it's so fucked up they're having a bad time come on let the bus i hate it when people rubberneck i hate it so much when there's like oh yeah when there's a traffic jam i'm just like i can't wait to see what this is for. I'm like, somebody better be dead. Yeah, it's just a cop that had someone pulled over and you're like, that's what you wanted to see? You had to stop and look and see what their eye color was before you could keep going. You know, people don't look at it as, you're looking at someone's trauma unfold in real time.

Like, stop looking at that shit. Stop looking at people's trauma. It's so weird. ICP's got a funny song about it, I'm just saying. They're funny. Who? ICP, man. The Insane Clown. Oh, oh,'s got a funny song about it i'm just saying they're funny who icp man real funny song about it i believe you that's tight man i missed the bus in uh in school a lot

and ran i i missed the bus my mom got a bus driver fired once a school bus driver because i was a child i was a fat little kid and i missed the bus i was like late for a bus i was running after it he made me run way too he definitely saw me i saw him make eye contact with me and he slowed down but kept going for like probably about 100 yards and then i got on and then the bus driver said to everyone on the bus that's the that's the furthest he's run his entire life he was doing bits yo he did a bit oh no i was that's so funny because i was about to say he made you run because he was like this little fat fuck like he was just an asshole he was just

and then he was setting up a joke and then like he would have done that 10 years earlier he wouldn't have gotten fired but it was it was the late 90s yeah and sue carmel was on the fucking case yeah oh wow he got a he got fucking let go how big was his laugh was it a big laugh oh i bet it was pretty it was a pretty i bet he was just putting it what grade you in, and how old were the oldest kids on that bus? I was either in sixth or seventh grade. Probably could have fought him in one at that point. Damn. This guy?

That's the hardest one. I don't know. He was an old dude. He was like an old, white-haired dude. Yeah, it would have been elder abuse. It would have been elder abuse, or he would have had old man strength and just whooped him. I was big then. I wasn't strong yet.

Yeah. I was just fat. fat well you were probably strong you just didn't know how to navigate the strength i would have no idea i i did navigate the strength the strength of a very angry white woman sean jordan time for your fourth pick when someone gets a little a little water or a little fluid down the wrong tube because it just like they go they go ham so quick because they're just like drinking then all of a sudden it's like and it's just like what the fuck happened to you like what's going on

yeah it's a lizard your lizard brain gets activated they were like what do you what you're like and then it's all red you're you always because everyone tries to tries to chill it out prematurely and they're like you good and they're like and you can see him fighting off a cough for like 30 seconds and then they just give the and you're like just just call it just just go ham and get it out yeah dude that's the funniest shit like especially at a restaurant like if they can't if they think they're gonna spit up yeah yeah that's a great one i've wrong

tube a couple times or this has happened multiple times sean i think you've been there for a couple of them when i have taken water down the wrong tube and I just spit it out. I can't control it. It's like a thing where I, for some reason, however I'm designed, I can't control it. And I've spit water all over people a few times, including all over Peter Serafinowicz once at Bridgetown. Yeah, I was there. We were doing a big show. He's this big, he's this huge British comedian

who's like in movies and all this shit he was so nice to us and then I took a drink and then it just like hit my throat wrong and I was just like all over his face and then you just have to deal with it where you're like yeah I just did that and now you have my water all over you and I guess he was one of the radder dudes i've ever met he was pretty cool he couldn't have been nicer about it but i spit water all over him yeah man i remember yeah watching some shit go down the wrong tube it is tight that's funny it's very funny it is because it's watching someone get waterboarded by themselves for like half a second these are all so low stakes where you're like yeah probably going to be fine. Unless you have like a crazy aneurysm ready to pop,

you're going to be all right. It would be a bummer for a minute. Time for my fourth pick. I don't see this often, but anytime I see it, it's very funny to me. And it's ice cream falling off of a cone. Oh my God, that's a good one. That is funny.

It's like the speed of it is hilarious. Because it's kind of slow? Yeah. It's like an avalanche building, and then it hits, and there's no scooping that up. Yeah, I was going to say, there's also no catching it. There's no catching it. Yeah. It's going to slide off your hand.

Yeah. It's not like a food you can pick up off the ground. There's no three-second rule with ice cream. That shit's gone. I've watched it happen. I've watched my nephews start talking, and then they turn, and their hand just starts to tip because they don't have a concept.

Oh, my God. I've just sat there and been like, shit's going to hit the ground, dude. It's hilarious. It's really funny when it happens to kids. Oh, my God. Because that ruins their day. That's their world.

It'd be like if my wallet was just empty. That was the highlight of their day, and it just got taken away. Oh, so funny. That's probably happening once a month for them you know what i mean maybe once a week and it falls off and weeks are so long when you're a kid and ice cream is the best thing that can happen to you oh my god and if you got the kind of parent who's not gonna go get you another one that's it oh yeah that's sad especially because you know that the waffle cone or the cone was like the splurge, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. You're just like, well, now I have this fucking, I can't eat the cone without the fucking ice cream. I got a wet cone. Yeah. That's a tough sell to a kid. Be like, no, you still got the ice, the cone.

And they're like, what the fuck do I care about the cone? I'm not a 35 year old improv student. I'm not excited about Stroop waffles. They just get all grown up. Why fuck would i want to come why the fuck would i want a waffle cone you idiot no ice cream you know what go back to work go work you're a mom you're a bitch you're a fucking idiot pull your head out of your ass and go get me another one you know what skip the prostate exam the next couple years do me a fucking favor go get me another one. You know what? Skip the prostate exam the next couple of years. Do me a fucking favor.

Go give me another one. New cone too. New cone. And then they just drop the cone. You can have the fucking cone. So excited about cones. This cone's so great. Why don't you go deposit in the bank account?

Give me another fucking cone. Oh my God. So funny. Oh my God. That's a great big. It's just so funny. It's like the kind of where you're like, oh, like that kind of laugh when you see a kid do it. But when you're an adult, too, you're like, you can't be upset because you're an adult and you can afford another scoop.

But you're also just like, but this is, what do I do now? There's also something fundamentally hilarious about an adult eating an ice cream cone in the first place where it's like, this is a little bit funny. But then the little things become the problems because then I'm like, well, I don't want to wait in the fucking line again.

Yeah, it's a whole thing when you're an adult. Yeah, it's like maybe I shouldn't be eating ice cream. Maybe that was a sign that my cholesterol is creeping up. Yeah, it turns into something else when you're an adult meanwhile your friend is like are you gonna get enough fucking ice cream cone or not bitch are we moving on are we block away it's a block away it's now or never it turns out yeah oh my god ice cream falling off the code marcella time for your fourth and then your final pick okay my fourth and my final let's see what i have okay this is specific this is not this doesn't apply to everyone okay but when someone who has you know they have a lot of money and their card gets declined oh my god like you know when it's

when it's someone that is like broke you actually feel bad for them because like no i got this i'm trying to play i wanted to pay but when you know this motherfucker has money like it like triggers that trauma from before when they didn't have money yeah they're just like oh god i swear and you're just like bitch i know you have money this is actually really funny watching you react to like i don't care that your card declined we're fine if i have to pay for it i also know where like we could split it like it's not that big of a deal but in that moment when someone who has money and their card gets declined that shit is so funny i've pulled up my bank account i've straight up and like look it's there and they're like i didn't think it wasn't just probably your chip reader dude i'm not anything as someone with money now who used to not have it you immediately like you feel like

you just woke up from a dream where you had money and you're like oh i don't i never did it's so fucking scary and then you're like did i get did i get like my identity stolen did i get hacked where like they just fucking siphoned my accounts what happened i always check immediately and i'm like yeah like you did something to get all your money taken away somehow yeah i feel like i'm gonna have to call and apologize to a bank like when i used to overdraft well and it's tough too because if I plan on picking up the tab or whatever, I might order some stuff I wouldn't have if I didn't know who was going to pay for it. And then if I can't pay for it, I'm like, sorry. I'm sorry that I got like nine Jaeger bombs and they're $12 each.

I'm sorry about that. I'll hit you back. Okay, I'll get next. You got Venmo? I'll hit you back. That's so funny. Yeah, that's a joy to watch. back okay i'll get i'll get you back it's so funny yeah i like when like you're for me because i still have a bank where i have to call to tell them that i'm i'm traveling so if i forget to call them to tell them i'm traveling my car will get declined like i'm out of state and for that second

i'm like oh my god i have no money and it's just like you stupid idiot you just didn't fucking call your bank you're in bloomington yeah shit's scary though man i was in uh costa rica i didn't tell my bank i was going anywhere and i'm in costa rica of all places and at customs on the way home you have to pay if i didn't know that you had to pay like 30 fee for some shit all i had was my card i didn't have any costa rican money and uh it didn't go through a few times and i was just like i was all hammered at the airport at four in the morning like a total dipshit and it didn't go through a few times and I was just like I was all hammered at the airport at four in the morning like a total dipshit it ended up going through but I was so scared I was like why just live in Costa Rica outside

the airport now for a while tell my friends oh man that's brutal could be worse yeah it sucked then I got through customs and got drunker it was tight what a surprise yeah and your final Got drunker. It was tight. What a surprise.

And your final pick, Marcella. My final pick is getting rejected at the bar. Yeah, I had that on mine too. That one is painful to watch. I mean, but hilarious to watch. Dude. Hilarious to watch, painful to have it happen to you. Yeah, it hilarious to watch. Dude. Hilarious to watch. Painful to have it happen to you. Yeah, it's so good.

When I was bartending, I watched so many dudes come with like the wackest shit at the end of the night to say to girls and just watching them get shut down was so... I was washing dishes one time and this dude just sidled up

on a girl painter tab and he's like, what's up with your teeth? They're so white. And I was just dying laughing washing the dishes. And she's like, yeah. And then she's signing. He's like, what are you doing? Like, how are you getting them so white? And i was just dying laughing washing the dishes and she's like yeah and then she's signing he's like what are you doing like how are you getting them so white and

i was just like bro this is your this is your 2am line this is your knuckleball at the end of the game this is what you're doing i i was shocked i love that shit is so fun to watch yeah i like to i like to self-reject last night there's this really tall, thin, black guy comes up to me, and I go, what's your name, Nipsey Struggle? And he kind of did a chuckle, and then he walked away. And I was like, yeah, I don't know what this is anymore. Nipsey Struggle? Why did you think that was going to go?

I didn't care. I was like, at this point, I'm like, I'll reject him before he rejects me. That is funny, knowing you're like, this person probably never had shit talked to them, so I'm going to go ahead and do that. I mean, that's my favorite thing when dudes are hot, like fucking talking shit. They don't know what to do with it. Let me take myself out of the game. That's probably actually the best strategy. That's the only strategy I use now. Yeah oh but watching someone get rejected is very funny love it i did i went

up to uh my sister with this guy was like hitting on my sister at the bar the other night and i just go she's married and i turned around is she married yes okay. Okay, good. So it was accurate, too. I mean, you know, when you're at the bar, you're like, whatever, I'm out. Like, it's just the flirt. You never hurt anybody. You still want to receive the flirt.

Yeah. Yeah, it ain't no big deal. I remember talking to Greg Edwards about that when we were younger, because he was just like, I just like no one. I still got it. That's what Greg was saying. So I was like, yeah, okay. I bet it's a good feeling. I bet it's a good feeling i bet it's a good feeling

falling asleep uh no but my kitten is falling asleep next to me and i'm just receiving that energy okay i'm just receiving that energy i can see uh she's so cute she's such a little kitten i guess yeah she is and we'll get to uh we'll get to the final picks right after the second break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh we'll get to the final picks right after the second break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life you drop everything you're doing just go to a brand new country you figure it out from there but this isn't the talented mr ripley all right you're not jason bourne you can't do that two damon movies i'm out here obviously You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here.

Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It had science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language.

You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you gotta do it. You gotta be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you

and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go, because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done.

And don't just try a word-for-word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try.

Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash allfantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. Fresh air.

We're back here on the podcast now, and it's time for Ian Carmel's final pick. Ian Carmel is approaching the microphone. He's inspecting his list, and he is going to pick he is going to pick he is going to pick someone getting a calf cramp oh that's twisted bro yeah it seems so fake yeah you're like that's not come on grow up stop it it can't hurt that much and they're like it does it does hurt this much nothing a cramp is the worst fucking pain on earth and watching like someone else go through it it's so cartoonish i love it yeah they have to stand up with the calf specifically with the calf because he got to bend down. Oh, ow! Yeah.

Yeah. They have to like bend over or they have like a weird position they get in where it stops cramping. And then there's also the aftershocks where it's like

they think they stretched it out, but then for the next five to ten minutes, it like goes again. And also the muscles in their leg get all fucked up and tense too

and everything. It's so funny to watch. It's really funny. So that's my final pick is getting a calf cramp. You know how some of the other picks we've had, like examples? This is like the one where we're just like, we've seen it. I don't know. Yeah, you've seen a calf cramp, right?

There's no wild story about it because there isn't. It's just like a thing that you see and it's funny and then you move on. There's no big story. Fucking calf cramps. You know, you connect the dots. This and then you move on there's no big story fucking calf cramps you connect the dots this is when you do it Sean Jordan time for your final pick this is pretty comedy specific but we're all stand ups

I like watching you're using that term a little too confidently the three of you do stand up I like watching a comic straight up forget their jokes when they actually do forget them. When they're so nervous and I'm like, get out of your head.

You got it. They're there. You've said them a thousand times, but you're so nervous for some reason. And I just, so funny. For me it sounds like you should have brought notes. You didn't get any sleep last night. You should have brought notes.

Yeah. I just love it when people trip through and how they try to be like, what they try to do to save it. Like, well, I forgot that one and people trip through and how they try to be like what they try to do to save it like well i forgot that one in the shit the laughs they try to get just because they're blowing it it's so funny to me you'll see them sometimes you know the joke and you'll see them put like a joke from this like the second setup they jam in later so they can try to recover another punch line even though they've told the big punch line already and you're

like what are you doing it's a tight one you're like, what are you doing? It's a tight one to see. They put the caboose in the middle of the train. You're like, come on. Well, the thing is, people always get, like in the audience, you can see people get like, oh my God, nervous or scared or whatever, feel bad for them. I'm like, don't feel bad for them.

They'll be all right. It's fine. I mean, if they're not, then maybe they shouldn't be doing standup. It's hilarious. Enjoy that if it happens. It's funny to watch. It's also funny watching someone forget and you know the end and you're like oh i could

have fed you the life yeah they've actually done that joke so much but like sometimes you just you just blank when you're on stage it just leaves it just leaves you yeah david time for your final pick uh watching somebody try to get a dance party started and failing like when they when it doesn't work it's like come on out y'all and they're like nah or it'll be like sometimes it'll be like a girl like trying to like a white lady trying to like you know what i mean yeah and and nobody wants it and she'll like go to different people like a cat trying to like rub against their legs and that shit does not crack off. Oh, my God.

It's so funny. Or dudes trying to do it. It's so funny when it doesn't work. It works a lot. It's also funny when you're like, I could join you, but this is funnier. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.

Like, I could give you what you're looking for, and I won't. I actually do want to dance, but it turns out there's something I want more. Don't laugh at you, bitch. bitch just want to see you fucking yeah it's always the wrong song yeah like it's some trap song and she's doing this yeah this is a ass shaking song yeah that's dope i was man it's just i do think it's weird though because people do see a dance floor and if it's empty they're like oh my god i'm so petrified i can't go out there one time me and my brother went out dancing in a local bar modesto that's a fucking sports bar and as soon as we walked in we were like it's packed but like the dance floor was empty and we found that very weird and we were like we we showed up to dance so we literally got our drinks walked on the dance floor and as soon as we started dancing everyone bum rushed and i was just like what is

you guys are so insecure this is so weird it's not that serious what were you waiting for yeah that is weird the other shit is funnier watching somebody yeah just like oh yeah yeah the hand come on they point nobody point like they're jiggling a ball hey come on i'll jiggle your balls get out here it's like a funny way to like watch someone like oh your friends don't like you yeah yeah that's a big part of it that you see that energy sometimes where people are like she fucking always does i told you not to fucking text theresa dude she's gonna do that shit sometimes where people are like, she fucking always does this. I told you not to fucking text Teresa, dude. She's gonna do that shit.

Oh, man, that's funny. Yeah. That's a good one. That's such a good pick. That's such a good pick. And our final pick. That was the final pick of the draft. Marissa, do you have one for us? Seeing someone get pooped on by a bird. Oh, yeah? That's a good one.

Yeah, that's a great one. I think it's like my phobia because I always get nervous when birds fly over me. So I think it's just validating when someone else gets pooped on by a bird. I'm like, see, it happens. It's scary.

It's bad. Has it ever happened to you? It's never once happened to me, but I've had many close calls. It sucks. I've been pooped on. It sucks. Me too.

I got crapped on a couple years ago in the day. I've caught two of them. I was wearing a suede jacket. I was been pooped on. It sucks. Me too. I got crapped on a couple years ago in the day. I've caught two of them. I was wearing a suede jacket. I was pissed. Oh, no. Yeah, and it was brown. It looked hella nasty because it was brown suede,

and it was just this white poop. Oh, it was disgusting. Could the dry cleaner get it out, or was it cash? We tried. No, I mean, it was like the mark was still there. There's no way around it. Suede. Suede.

Shit. Literally. Literally shit. Well's no way around it. Suede. Suede. Shit. Literally. Literally shit. Well, Marcella, you went first. You took watching someone get barfed on, someone clogging the toilet, someone thinking someone's saying hi to them, but they're not. Someone having money, but then seeing their card get declined, and then watching someone get rejected at the bar.

I went next. I took watching someone getting canceled on the bar i went next i took gate watching someone getting canceled on twitter people getting into a drunken street fight caring too much about sports and ice cream cone and ice cream falling off of their cone and then watching someone getting a calf cramp sean you went third you took watching someone slip on ice stepping in poop getting too high fluid going down the wrong tube and then forgetting their jokes on stage david you went last you and you took watching someone get have a bad haircut watching them get a parking ticket seeing them getting cut off at the bar

missing the bus or failing to get a dance party going i might just be a bad friend that's you know what was funny? I was looking at all the different ideas you guys provide me with, and I was like, there's not a lot of people that will happily just be ready to list off reasons to laugh at others. And I was like, I have to take this topic because who else? You were the right person for the right topic. This was a hand-in-glove situation.

When I saw you pick it, I was like, yeah, of course. Absolutely. Well, I was going to like pick something else and I was like, no, this one can get a little, this will be fun.

Yeah. I also love bringing the mean out of people. It's all there. It's always there. That's because you're a bully. I know. We want to hear your picks.

Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon thank you for holding us down the AFE patreon where we now have uh AFE mailbags the shislackity

we have the all fantasy everything movie club we have things that are dank that I'm stoked on Sean Jordan's positive podcast the opposite of this podcast we have playlist recommendations we have uh pre-rolls where Marissa records I'm stoked on Sean Jordan's positive podcast, the opposite of this podcast. We have playlist recommendations. We have pre-rolls where Marissa records this before we start the podcast. All the shit that you can't hear on these,

you can hear on the Patreon. So make sure you join that. Shout out to everyone on there and on the AFH of Slackity. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything subreddit. Shout out to Saint, Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude.

Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Dime store blackberries. that was a hate gun podcast