All Fantasy Everything - Things That Are Good Actually (w/ Sean Jordan, David Gborie and Solomon Georgio)

Episode Date: July 20, 2017

Some things are bad and actually bad, some things are good and actually good, some things are good but actually bad and some things are bad - but look, they're actually good, and it's that last group we're drafting today. Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians David Gborie, Sean Jordan and Solomon Georgio go dumpster diving and come back with some gems. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that was nominated for an Emmy. Woo! Today. Yeah. Well, I was. Kiki!

And I choose to share that with the podcast. Hotel accommodated cheerleader prom dated. Yeah. Emmy nominated for writing on the Tonys. Never Tony nominated. I don't see that one happening. The things that would have to happen in my life to be nominated for a Tony are crazy. I could see you getting it.

I could see you making that play move later in life. Maybe later in life. Like in the winter? If they ever bring back Fiddler on the Roof a third time. No, I think that's a musical in you. You think so? Yeah, and it might be by accident even, then you're like shit i'm in a musical does it have to be a musical to be a tone to get a tone no no you can be straight up i see you here's what i'm saying yeah this is like 30 years from now this is ian not white hair like a salt and pepper yeah yeah

but like you got the one curl that you have, but it's gray. And you have the whiskey on stage and you just do a one man play of how you got to where you are now. Which is like living in a castle in Michigan. I hear that, but I think tomorrow we can write a musical about brunch. A whole rap

musical. I would fuck with a rap musical about brunch. You gotta get real rappers, man. You gotta get real rappers. We're not gonna do the Hamilton thing. We're gonna continue Gucci's year of excellence and cast him in a Broadway musical. I think Gucci would do it.

I think Ja Rule is trying to get some positive press. Ja Nana? Ja Nana needs that press. He needs that press. Everybody's upset about it. Ja Rule definitely needs a win. It's been a press. He needs that press. Everybody's upset about it. Ja-Rule definitely needs a win. Yeah, he needs... There's been a lot of L's for Ja. It's Ja-Rule.

Is that how you use his name? Murder. You should have known. You should have known. Ja-Rule calls you and says you want to perform on this island. You don't smell that that's fucking bitchy. Right. I don't know if that's an L.

I think that's a win for him. That is kind of hilarious. that's a win for him. It's a win that people said yes, but it's an L that they never ended up doing it. If you take two L's and you invert one and you tilt them slightly, it's a W. I wish there was a graphic to show what you just did.

I'll draw a diagram for the listeners and put it on Twitter. What Ja ruled was take all the L's he gave other people and turn those into one gigantic W for himself. That's a pretty specific skill set and put it on Twitter. What Ja Rule did was take all the L's he gave other people and turn those into one gigantic W for himself. That's a pretty specific skill set and I can appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being shysty? Yeah, yeah. Is shysty a bad word?

I don't think so. Somebody was saying that Ja Rule had a lot of gnarly actual gangsters behind him. Actually, like gangsters. Sharpie, I bet, was saying that. Yeah, Chris Sharpentier was saying. Yeah, front of the pod. I think everybody from New York does. I guess so. It's just like, it's in the blood. Or maybe Sharpie thinks that

his Murder, Inc. thing was the actual Murder, Inc. And that Ja Rule had a bunch of Jewish gangsters from the 30s behind him. Old Albert Anastasia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know about my groups. Murder, Inc. My famous gangs Them and the Purple Gang back in the day

They were the Jews You know who was a tough Jew was that Meyer Lansky Meyer Lansky big time I have no idea what you guys are talking about They were these Jews Murder Inc like the Catholics didn't want to murder people at first and the Jews were like well for a price

and I hate to feed into a stereotype about us, but yeah, for a price. The Jews were like, we'll kill them. We'll fucking kill them for you. So that was murder ink. You're Jewish? Yeah. Full Jew. Yeah, full Jew.

Bar Mitzvah and everything. Another layer to the onion. Yochanan ben Yisrael. And yeah, they would just murder people for money. They would just kill people. And then the purple game. They killed it. They called it murder ink, which I think is the coolest Jewish way to do that.

Yes. What are you going to call your outfit? They're not like, we're the town town boys or something. Shout out to the town town boys, by the way. No shade on the town town boys. I like how they incorporated murder. Yeah. Like they're going to get a business license.

Yeah, they're like, incorporate murder. We're going to do it. We're going to do it right Like they're going to get a business license. Yeah, they're like, incorporate murder. And we're going to do it. We're going to do it. We're going to do it right. They were like, we are paying so many taxes on these murders. Yeah, on these murders. But they incorporate, and then they can write everything off. Company cars.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Hats. Hats. We were just talking about it off air. A lot of hats. Yeah, so that's what the podcast is. Today.

Today. Today we are drafting things that are good, actually. The world thinks they're bad, but actually. Actually, they're good. They're good, actually. To do so, we have Sean Jordan in the house. Add Sean as Jordan on Twitter. Hey.

Sean Cougar Mellon Jordan. Hey. Hell yeah. Red as Soviet Russia right now. This little Irish boy got burnt yesterday. We went to Manhattan Beach. I turned and then I got burnt. Yeah.

We went swimming in the waves, which I love so much. And I'm sore. You said it felt like you were a football practitioner. It did. It felt like the day after football. Like the good kind of sore where you're walking around like, ooh. Oh, that good? Good sore. It's like my muscles are working sore.

Can I ask you nine inches and this or what were you gonna say i'm gonna ask how big down dog even that's fine yeah it's good that's average you're okay uh this is granted a very ignorant question from someone who has never had a sunburn right you might hear and you might hear an ignorant question after that but go ahead we'll see i might ask you one what would happen if we put you out like you were yesterday but instead of sun green sunscreen we just caked you in baby oil would you cook a little bit like you know how when you put a burger on, and it cooks a little bit? Yeah, it'd be gnarly, I bet.

But literally, you would cook. Yeah, I think the skin, I don't think you'd see it sizzling, but at the end of the day, you'd be like, you need to go to the doctor. Okay. It would be, and then the doctor would be like, what'd you do? And I'd be like, I let my cool friend put baby oil all over me,

and I just stood on Manhattan Beach all day. Dale, as old as time. You were talking about your boy, though, back at Lake Wobegon or whatever. Oh, Scrooge the Dooch? Yeah, Scrooge the Dooch. Lake Okoboji. Fucking Maxim. Wait, say everything you just said again, though.

Scrooge the Dooch. Scrooge man, dude. At what lake? Lake Okoboji. Microphone Scrooge? Microphone Scrooge. Oh, shit. I didn't know that's Scrooge the Dooch.

Yeah, yeah. Scrooge the Dooch, man. A couple stories. Yeah, so he was at the lake, and he just woke up at like 8 a.m. Cracking beers. Lake Okoboji is in Iowa, and it was like one of Maxim's top 10 party schools, one of those things. Oh, it's a school?

So they really, no, it's a top 10 party spots. Oh, just top 10 party lakes. Like Lake Havoc. Like Lake Havoc. In Iowa, they'll latch onto that, and so they get way bucker after that title is awarded. They're like, fucking, we throw down, dude. So Scoops the Dude was there, drank from like 8 in the morning until the sun went down. His feet were basically a big blister afterwards.

He couldn't walk. He had to put his feet up in his pants. Was he wearing sandals? He wasn't wearing kicks. He was just on the beach. Oh, and the sand got to him. That night, he was all fucked up at some bar, and some girl tried to swing on him because he was being a dick, I think.

And he dodged it, and she pushed him, and then he knocked his tooth out. We're like, yeah, man, that's what you had to do. Man, you can't retell it. Lake Obigajibobi. You can't say it. Okoboji. Okoboji. Shout out to Lake Okoboji.

Okoboji. Okoboji. Shout out to Lake Okoboji. Okoboji. Okoboji. Bad booji. Regular listeners will recognize that other voice on the microphone. David Borey. Hey. A.K.A. The G is silent. Hey, hey.

A.K.A. The Gisland. Oh. A.K.A. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. A.K.A. Young just wrote for the ESPYs last night. Yes, sir. A.K.A. Met Dubsy at a party and got a picture. And. Cricking, cricking.

And perhaps more. A.K.A. I donsy at a party and got a picture. And perhaps more. I don't even know who I'm talking about. He who cancels flights? I mean, yeah, okay, Sean. You feel real cool, you fucking tomato prick? You feel good about yourself? I don't think it was nearly that bad when I said to you. I had the greatest night of my life. You're out here making fun of me? Yeah, I missed the flight.

I think it's a baller move. Oh, okay. You canceled the flight. You didn't miss it. I've been getting really upset about people lately. Yeah, I do. For things that I shouldn't. Put the knife away.

I don't even know what you brought a knife for. I've never even called anybody a prick, really. I don't know where that came from. That really hurts, man. I liked it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We were talking about gangs from New York for a minute.

The energy seeped into the room. I just got, I got, it's that downtown boy in there. You fucking lobster prick. How were the ESPYs? David Boyd wrote, was one of the writers on the ESPYs last night. It was great. Everybody was there. None of the jokes I wrote for Joel Embiid got in, but that's okay.

You know, shut out the process. It was fantastic. It was like as great as, I don't even know. I'm reeling. Embiid was dressed like a Thanksgiving dinner table centerpiece last night. Yeah, it was crazy. The combinations of orange he had were unforeseen. Russell Westbrook was dressed like a shitty gym teacher.

Why were him and Durant both dressed like shitty gym teachers? It was the weird look. They had the strangest fitting pants. What was Westbrook? Can you map it out for me? I didn't get to watch. It was like track. That's the look? They had the strangest fitting pants. What was Westbrook? Can you map it out for me? I didn't get to watch. It was like track pants, but they were green with two stripes. They weren't Adidas.

Okay. Two stripes, and then a big drawstring in the front, but he had it hanging out. You could see the drawstring where he tied it. And then a weird kind of fancy shirt. Yeah. And then loafers with no socks it was fucking weird well you don't realize about these nba guys because you see them they've got the big shorts and all you see them all standing next to each other on the court they got skinny legs

yeah they are thin so when they wear those tight pants it's really eerie looking it doesn't it just like like if kevin durant were to walk past you naked, it would make you so, like... Just skin and bones. Yeah, like an alien. I bet you it looks weird, like, when he's doing it. Whoa, those are weird-ass track pants. I told you, man. Going from...

The fit was weird. Yeah. It was... The whole thing was weird. Going from weird-looking legs to perhaps the most beautiful legs in all of show business. Yeah, they are right there. Our fourth guest today, Solomon Giorgio. How you doing?

Returning champion. At Solomon Giorgio on Twitter. At Solomon Giorgio on Instagram as well. Yeah, I'm all across the board. Fresh off recording his debut album for Comedy Central Records. How did it go up in Portland? It's Mississippi Studios and it's one of the best things

that you recorded there. Oh yeah. It's the greatest place. I've never walked into a place where everybody had everything figured out. They have it all sewn up. Yeah, they know what time it is for sure. Yeah. They're like, do you want monitors?

I'm like, I don't even know why, but thank you for offering. Maybe I will. Yeah, yeah. You want to do a playback, sound check, all that stuff. It was absolutely perfect. I love the Pacific Northwest audience. I'm like, ah, you guys, I don't,

I don't explain anything to you. They are a good one. Yeah. Y'all at least have one gay black friend. That's it. That's amazing. What, by the,

oh, I forgot to do anything. Any shows coming up? You want to promote anything like that? I want to do this up top now. Up top. Up top. Oh,

wow. I like doing them up top. Yeah. I think that's, I did it. I did the thing that I would have promoted. What am I doing out of town? Oh, jeez.

I can't remember. I'm never... It's all good. Sean, anything? When this comes out, I'll currently be in Denver. So, you know, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night in Denver. Website. Check the website.

SeanJordanComedy.com. Come out. I'm going to get a website soon. But... I'm working on getting that together. I'm going to be on tour when this comes out. I think somewhere around Minneapolis or Ohio or something. Check my Twitter. I got the dates on there.

It's on my Instagram. Tourcation 17, the come up featuring Keith Dirty. It's a movement. Well, they should watch you on Viceland too oh I was on Viceland check me out on Viceland I told a story about doing it and doing it and doing it well it was funny

is it the pregnant stripper? no it was not that was a different time can't talk about David's current wife like that it was the lady who had the gun and a knife It was not. That was a different time. Can't talk about David's current wife like that. It was the lady who had the gun and a knife. Oh, yes. I know the story, too.

Yes. Damn. When you say it back to back like that, it sounds like a bitch. That is so funny. That is. I didn't see the gun or the knife. She just said it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't need to see it. The mystery is almost. Nobody ever asks you, do you have just said it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need to see it. The mystery is almost... Nobody ever asks you, do you have anything coming up? Yeah, what are you doing? Oh, come see Good Looks if you're in LA at the UCB Franklin. It's a great show. First and third Wednesdays at 8 o'clock. There it is.

I'm not really hitting the road anytime soon because I got to go back to work. For any consideration, there's some people who vote on it. Yeah. Listening to the pod. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. some people who vote on it. Yeah. Listening to the pod. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I say confidently about a system. I don't know how it works.

Please vote for the Tony Awards writing. Yeah. And then I'll get a trophy. Yep. Get in there. And I will make it a necklace. Am I allowed? Am I a voter?

I don't know yet. Are you a voter? Are you a voter? I don't know. We'll find out. Oh, I don't know. You should vote. Join the television. You write all this stuff. Will it allow me to do that?

Have you joined the television academy? I should. How do you go and do that? Let's talk collusion off air. Alright. Wait, we're not drafting ways to join the television? The voting academy? They sent me a Google Chrome thing that we were going to Google something.

Anyway, so today we are drafting things that are good, actually. Sean Jordan's sunburn. I did not try. I tried to not. And he reeled from it. So to determine the draft order, we play a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Sure. Between the three of you.

And it goes on shoot. So here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. And oh, Solomon Georgiano wins! Alright! And you get to determine the draft order, and I will remind you. What type of draft? Thank you, David. It is a serpentine draft. Now, if you were to

describe that to somebody who, like let's say I don't know what serpent, like I've never heard the word serpentine. Sure. How would you break that down? Though a snake hit a wall and had to turn around. Okay. So if you draft fourth in the first round, you draft first in the second. It's much like that game Snake on the old Nokia phone. Remember when you had the Jamster Pack?

The term I swag on ringtone and then you had... The Jamster Pack? You don't remember the Jamster Packs? What was that commercial that had the game Kanye and another rapper in it? Luda! Remember that? I think it was for Cricket Wireless. It wasn't that street ball, was it? No, it was for a cell phone.

Cricket Wireless, yeah. You guys don't, was it? No, it was for a cell phone. Cricket Wireless, yeah. Yeah, I think it was Cricket. You guys don't remember the pack? Like, you would pay like 10 bucks to Jamster. I do now. And you would get like a bunch of ringtones and shit. The Jamster pack, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Jamster pack.

Oh, like with the frog thing? The frog? That was one of the options. That was one of the things. Or you could get like... Was that Pepe? No. No, no, no, no.

That was like an electronic frog. It's just crazy frog. Wasn't there a gummy bear too? They had them all the options. I'm a gummy bear. Yes, I'm a gummy bear. Nick says yes. Okay. He was back in the studio. Yeah. Oh, look at Nick both doing

dances that need to be seen. I'm glad that somebody remembered it. But also, I remember Peanut Butter Jelly Time was another option. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you could get Peanut Butter Jelly Time for sure. It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Now we'll record it for you. Yeah. On a fucking fun little side racket, we could just record ringtones for people.

People have asked me, asked that of me several times in my life. To record ringtones? Yeah. You got a ringtone ass voice, though. You gotta compel. You have a compel. I would love it. But I haven't, I haven't had, I haven't heard, I don. You got a ringtone-ass voice, though. You got to compel. You have a compel. I would love it. Do you want to fucking fight? But I haven't heard. I don't even know what ringtone I have now. I haven't used it in several years.

There was a time, though. Ringtones fell off. Oh, God. But when they were on? Do kids still like them? Every once in a while, people, I hear a ringtone of somebody else's phone. I'm like, why do you have that? What's your phone doing on it? Are the kids ringtoning?

I don't know. I might throw it back. Hey, if any of you are, like, 17, add us on Twitter and tell us if the kids kids ringtoning? I don't know. I might throw it back. Hey, if any of you are like 17, add us on Twitter and tell us if the kids is ringtoning. And just cut out all the other stuff the kids is doing. Yeah, let us know everything. I'm not one of those weird adults who's

going to try to do what you do. Yeah, you are. No, no, no, trust me. I usually wake up one morning doing everything the teens are doing. You want to keep your finger on the pulse though I want to keep it on the pulse I'm not going to dress like you

I think your music is probably dumb But I do want to hear it David's going to start a Tumblr and become an art goth Yo I am David I'm just going to straight steal Donald Livers I am David Alright Solomon what order

Will we be drafting in today I'll go first We'll just wrap around Counterclockwise John tell Jordan Ian Carmel With the first pick in the things that are good actually All fantasy everything draft

Solomon Giorgio you are on the clock I'm going to start off with Journeys Don't Stop Bel uh I'm gonna start off with uh Journey's uh Don't Stop Believing see exactly so with you exactly I'm so with you way too many people like ah it's been overplayed and everybody got sick of it I'm like I don't care yes I never always gonna be a good song there's no way it's never there's no way you're not gonna sing along to it stop pretending it's ever been bad it's a certified classic yeah because I feel like that song has gone through two waves.

Exactly. Where it was popular, and then people were like, no, that's stupid. Like the first, you know, the first thing. And then it came back, and it was really big. And then people want to be too hip for it now. I think that that's going to continue to be the case. Do you think that song will just continue to go through births and rebirths as though it were a new God? Here's what I think about that song.

I think you first find out how awesome that song is when you're like 22. That sounds about right. Like about how like really great it is. So there's always going to be people turning 22. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very true. Forever. For me, that's what I was like.

Because when I was a kid, I thought it was just like a stupid. I knew the words, but I didn't. Like you don't realize that it's a good song, and then around 22, 23, you're like, wait, this is incredible. Yeah. But then at 27, you're like, I like Depeche Mode and Hand Stuff. Sure, sure, sure. Journey sex rock anymore.

I love that Journey sex rock, though. I do, too. When it's playing so loud that you can't hear yourself singing along to it, if you're ever in one of those, that's fucking, that's a good situation. That's heaven. That's heaven.

His voice should be the most prominent thing you hear. Yes. Wait, are we talking about the Filipino kid or the... They sound exactly alike. They do sound the same.

They do sound the same. I don't know why I called him a kid. Shout out to that Filipino man. He is a man. He's earned that man He was a kid at first I think he was on the street

And then he turned 22 and then he got into Journey He literally got into Journey It's like that movie Rockstar But it's about Journey The ultimate got into Journey move Actually getting into Journey Steve Perry has one of the fucking best voices and he i love steve perry doesn't look like that voice comes out of him i love it when that happens

like a van morrison oh yeah and you're like oh you make that sound he's one of those people who would be unattractive if i didn't hear that voice come out of him yeah i'm like i don't know why i think you're attractive all of a sudden because he's got something. Skill is sexy is what it is. Yeah. Skill is attractive. Absolutely. Thank God. No shit.

Thank God. I'm so excited. Thank God. I'm just very happy I've never had to be skillful. Absolutely. I don't even know everything I've ever done. I don't even know why you are skillful. Really?

Yeah, it's not fair. I could break wrestling. I don't know why you were skillful. You could just turn it off. Spend all this time on open mics and you could be

being fed grapes. It's wasting my life. I'm sorry. It's such a good song. It's such a good karaoke song. It's such a good road trip song.

I will argue that it is not a good karaoke song. Oh, you don't like it? Do you think that people are too hyped? I think it is a good karaoke song when you have the ability.

It's one of those like a voice box situation where it's like a private party. That's what I'm, I guess I'm talking, I want one where- I think like a little private party situation amongst friends that makes sense, but if we're out and about and you're gonna go up there and sing Journey and you're not gonna hit those goddamn notes, I'm gonna drag you across the street. I may have been mistaken. I like the sing-along ability of it. I want- I love singing along.

I don't like somebody else being the singer that isn't Steve Perry. Right, right, right. I think I only want private karaoke from now on. That's the way to do it. After you do it the once,

you're like, I don't know, I'm a showman. I'm with Solomon. David and I will just be rapping West Side Connection in our own private karaoke yeah you're fucking

right staring at YouTube where you brought your own instrumental disc yeah there's just no way anything in K-Town has West Side Connection

we're just both wearing bandanas alone in there there's Sapporos everywhere banging on the glass slowly convincing yourself that maybe you should start that rap group yeah like

maybe I should just text Dub Z. We're doing some good shit. We're doing good. We were hitting the cadence. Yeah. Pretty soon we won't need the teleprompter, dude. Then we can go on tour.

We'll be the best. On the earlier podcast, I think it might have been Eliza Skinner, somebody was saying that Steve Perry, the rest of the band hated him because his voice was too good. They got mad at him because they wanted to be like this cool rock band. And he would go out there with this beautiful, like, almost operatic voice. Yeah. And, like, wouldn't want to go drink at night because he would be, like, want to protect his voice and go to the hotel.

So they don't go party. What a fucking asshole. I know. And he would go sit in a humidified room. Yeah, they are haters. The rest of Queen fucking showed up. They should have tried it better. Exactly. Yeah. That's crazy. The rest of the fucking showed up. They should have tried it better. Exactly, yeah.

That's crazy. The rest of the band should have been like, awesome. Well, so you're just going to let us go get drunk, and you're going to go save the band all night? You're just going to protect your voice? Oh, you're going to make us one of the most popular timeless bands of all time? Oh, yeah. Jerk.

They have some other cuts, too. Oh, dirty? Faithfully, Wheel in the Sky. Oh, God, yeah. But also Solo, Steve Perry. Solo, Steve Perry. Oh, Sherry? Oh, Sherry is one of those. Oh Steve Perry. Oh, Sherry? Oh, Sherry is one of them.

Oh, Sherry, our love. Yeah, I told you how much I don't like this. Hold on. Hold on. Whoa, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. I just want to tell you, that was Sean Jordan. Steve Perry did not walk into the room.

Stevlin Perry did not enter the room. Stevlin Perry did not zipline into the podcast studio, sing a couple notes, and then take a separate zipline back out. The double zip. A zipline up somehow. Zip zap zop.

By facing backwards and singing. His voice is so powerful. Don't stop believing by journey. All of us agree. Good, actually. So whether you're one of the first wave haters or the second wave haters or whenever this third wave

is going to come you're wrong basically the point of this whole podcast is going to be stop hating and as a hater this is going to be very difficult and also stop snitching which is the subtext of every one of our podcasts stop snitching stop lying why would you even start

that's my question shout out to Carmelo Anthony. David Borey, you have your first pick, the second pick of the first round. My first pick, and this one may be a little polarizing. It's not crazy, Sean. Stop laughing. I think ska is actually great. Oh!

Ska music. You're going to find an ally in me. I never understood. I feel like it's just an idea that people hate. Like, I've never, and I've only, and I've openly hated on it. It's because I wanted to be cool. But I've never heard a ska song that made me feel good. There are things to hate about ska.

What's to hate? A bunch of friends with trombones? See, I like that. Maybe if they rebranded the style of music. hate about Scott. What's to hate? A bunch of friends with trombones? See, I like that. Maybe if they rebranded the style of music, do you like friends with trombones? Yes. Yeah. Yes, of course. We're going to shorten it up and call it Scott.

No, let's keep it friends with trombones. I think the issue with Scott is the people that love Scott too much. I can't be held accountable for the people who love it. Exactly, and that's fine. I can't be held accountable for the people who love it. I don't hate it. I actually have zero opinion on it. It's peppy, good mood music.

When I was in high school, it was definitely the Christian youth group kids who would wear WWJD bracelets. That's kind of what they were into. You know what those kids went on to do? Become titans of industry. My issue also is that literally every dude that's in a ska band

looks like he committed statutory rape. Yeah. That's just because we... I don't think that they're statutory raping. They probably aren't. I feel like we just like...

It's a look that doesn't age well. Right? Give me a good ska band. Like Five Iron Frenzy? I mean, what do you want? We're talking new ska because there's old ska. Yeah.

Which was like Jamaica. Oh, yeah. I'm not talking about like Desmond Decker. No, we're talking new ska. No, yeah. Like Boss Tones. Real Big Fish,

Mighty Mighty Boss Tones. Okay. I love Mighty Mighty Boss Tones. Can I get drunk and I pass out on the floor now, baby? Yeah. I like Pepe Hormu.

I love the music. I love the horns. I love the horns. The horns are so bright. Yeah. Like, every time I hear the horns on a song, like, when I hear, like, that Gloria Estefan song. Oh, yeah.

Like, and the rhythm of the islands. That's what I feel like ska is, the rhythm of the islands. But the white islands, like the Welsh islands. The Thousand Island Dressers. The Thousand Island Dressers. I bought a place on the Thousand Islands. Yeah, I sail up the Cape all the time. Those horns come in as like somebody opened a tangerine in the room.

It is a bright. And it smells like that to me. Like tangerine and like horn polish. I don't know if that's a thing. Another thing in favor of ska music, the Mighty Mighty Bostones had a guy who would just dance. He would, in their band, he'd just wear a suit. He was just the dancing guy. A suit, not a scoot.

Yeah, and he would skank. Would he just do the skank? Is that like the foot, like the running man kind of? Yeah, that run, that weird version of the running man. Skanking? Maybe they had a problem if they called it Skanken. I don't think they... But I think they were so nerdy, they didn't know what Skanken was.

Yeah. Also, I like that Ska is usually pretty diverse sexually. It's always men and women in the bands together. I think so. There's very few bands that have women. Really? Yeah. I think it's all...

It's mostly all dudes. I thought women love Ska. It's mostly all dudes. I thought women love Scott. It's like improv groups. Women tweet at me. Like, I think, like, say, Ferris might be the only female lead one that got popular. There's a girl in Real Big Fish. Is there a girl in Real Big Fish? I'm pretty sure there's a girl.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Let's take a look. Now we're all. Look, if you have to think about it, it's not that diverse. Okay, that's fair it's definitely not a girl in real life oh I think I thought

that guy with the flower shirt was a lady there is a dude with a mohawk and a dude with the biggest sideburns you've ever

real big fish looks exactly like you think they look oh god they do look so lame that I do love there's a lot of wristbands going on.

Oh, yeah. Oh, like saving them. Also, No Doubt was also very ska. Oh, yeah. No Doubt. Bam. Their first album. I saw that live at the Warped Tour when I was like 18 or something.

Warped Tour. Was it the first album called No Doubt? Warped Tour. Subtitled. Subtitled. Yeah. I don't understand with ska why people hate it so much. Yeah, but people do hate on it. Because it's for nerds. It's just one of those things that people don't give a chance why people hate it so much Yeah but people do hate on it

It's just one of those things that people don't give a chance And it's easy to hate visually They look at it and they're like well that looks whack But everyone's in it here's my thing Everyone's in a good mood which I love And they're not fucking with anybody It's not like you've ever heard of somebody like Somebody got stabbed at that fucking Real Big Fish concert last night

You know everyone's in a good mood Somebody kissed. Yeah, they made out a little bit. But also, I think we need more bands with horn sections. In general, horn sections need to come back. Anytime they show up, I'm into it. Yeah, trumpets aren't used enough in popular music today. That Chance the Rapper album with Donnie Trumpet?

Oh, man. Just horns coming in? I've listened to that song Trophies like 15 times in the last two days. Really, I'm at a point where all I can relate to in my life is Trophies. You're a Trophy guy right now. But it's so great. I feel 20 feet tall when I listen to ska music. There's a reason royalty would walk out to horn music.

Every movie you see, it's like... Yeah. They'd come out to your fucking acoustic Guitar Eric put it away This is a party The king of Sweden never walks out to hey there Delilah Exactly Nobody wants to listen to fucking Hey soul sister

When they're doing cool shit The king of Napa Valley does Whoever that is I think of Napa Valley The same way I think of like Hidden Valley Ranch This place you don't actually go Napa Valley the same way I think of Hidden Valley Ranch. It's just like, this place you don't actually go. Napa Valley actually is dope.

Yeah, I've been there. Napa Valley's so dope. I've been, yeah. I've been to Napa. You know what would make it doper is if there were just horns everywhere. Oh, yeah, yeah. A whole horn section in your life country. So listen.

Oh, is that the kind of wine you want? Yes, it is. If you've never listened to a ska album before, you know, go online and pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. That's why they hate it. Because of the pick it ups. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. Ska, fantastic first pick. Sean Jordan, it is time for your first pick in the Ska All Fantasy Everything draft.

First pick going to be Entourage. Mother fuck you. God damn it. I knew. I knew you were going to pick it. Whatever, dude. I feel like Solomon's going to disagree heavily on this. Oh, no.

It's a garbage ass show. But go ahead. Explain why. It's an amazing. It's a fantastic show. People hate it. Here we go i knew that we were going to talk about this why don't you like entourage why don't i like entourage

yeah uh i think there's only one good character in the entire show okay who's the one good no and i can't endure the rest of that what about johnny drama not even a little bit oh it's awesome it's extremely homophobic which is the to me, the only bad part of the show. Incredibly sexist. Extremely. But it's just, I don't know. I've just always enjoyed it. I think it's a very fun.

Look, I'm honestly surprised. Do you think it's good or do you think it's comforting? Because I get those two confused sometimes. I just think it's like you just can watch it and it's just funny to me. I just think it's a fun show. I like Entourage. That's a very low risk like entourage and i feel like show that's yeah nothing ever goes wrong that's kind of what it's the two two things has

going for it it's a rags to not not quite rags to riches but it's a little bit of a rags to riches story yeah which is always comforting especially when you're on the come up to see almost like simulated we're all trying to do that but you don't see their rags is my only problem. You don't really see their rags. And then, yeah, the other thing about it, they always win. Yeah. It's always a W. They win.

Silicon Valley, same playbook, just way more likable characters and way better written characters. Yeah. But it's like, how are they going to get out of this one? They got out of it, of course. Yeah, they're going to get out of this one.

By the end of the episode, they got out of it. A whole new problem that they could get out of. There's James Cameron in a helicopter. But there's a difference between by the seat of your pants or like, oh, there was really no risk at all. Sean, it's your pick. I don't mind low-risk television, by the way. I love low-risk television. I just enjoy the show.

I've seen, I've watched it cover to cover probably 10 times. The other thing, to steal one of Bill Simmons' theories about the show, it is an excellent, for the time, L.A. tourism show, basically. Yeah. Like, it would take you to all these places around L.A. and be like, here's this thing in L.A., here's this thing in L.A. Whatever was the popular spot, they would go there. Solomon, you and Ian, you both have been here for a while.

Yeah. I've heard this theory that people say that Entourage ruined LA because people saw Entourage and thought that that's what LA was and they came here and just were like that. No. And then it fucked shit up. No. Those people have always been here. Yeah, I swear there were people before that.

There had to have been, right? This is my third time living here, and I've lived here, like the first time I was here was in 99, and actually people have gotten way better in general after Entourage. Since 99? I think when people watch Entourage,

there was a lot of people that were like, oh, I don't want to be like that at all. I have one agent who's kind of entourage. Entourage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've met a few people who are like. I've met them too, but my crew of people, they're all chill. Way more chill, yeah.

Other than my one, who's even light entourage, like a real, my guy. But like, yeah, the rest of them couldn't be less like that. Yeah. But there, you go out and like and uh like sunset strip some of those west hollywood bars you'll catch them yeah you'll catch you'll catch hollywood ass motherfuckers it's so weird to me that's like just going out and seeing those people on the strip it's so it's such a weird you can tell somebody's hollywood because they have leather jewelry and i love it big sign i love seeing them out and about and i love the fact that they're like

ah you can't go into this place. And I'm like, I'm actually perfectly content never going into this place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The less I'm allowed in there, the less I want to for the most part. The velvet rope doesn't work for me. Yeah, I'm not kicking it. Oh, it makes me so happy. Like, hey, we put all the terrible people in this one spot that you can't get into.

We corral them. Thank you so much. You go to that other spot, all these shitheads are going to be here so you have fun over there. Yeah, you can just turn up at the subway now. Oh, by the way, all the places you like,

no cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay. And then you walk into the bar and they're like, Cutty Sark? And you're like, I do. That ain't going to happen

down at the Rainbow Room. Shout out to the Roost once again. Every time. Every time we get a chance. That's why I love being a lowlife is that we get to enjoy things and not have to and like the people that we don't like don't want us around

we were turning up in red robin last weekend yes there's a weird there's also a weird thing about entourage where uh there's it's like that's a slice of life no matter how well i do at stand up i'll never know that so it's just fun to watch like a fictional peek into that life just like i'll be like a movie star yeah or like a rock star the same thing with like a motley crew documentary like god that's fascinating so it's just because as like as lame as some people might think entourage is that's probably a fairly accurate portrayal of of a young star who's bringing their crew along. I mean, I imagine that show. Except they're not as handsome.

They might fucking be more handsome. No, you ever seen Mark Wahlberg's Those Real Dudes? Oh, his actual address? They're in a couple episodes. They look like they all work at a moving company. Yeah, it is gnarly. They would have. Yeah, not like a sexy Hollywood movie.

Like a failing. Yeah, they definitely. He Hollywood movie. Like a failing. Yeah, it is. Definitely. He's by far the most handsome. He's so much more handsome than his friends. That's why I'm more sucked to be those guys. Because Entourage, they're all like, hey, we're all pretty good looking, young, hip, stylish dudes. But in real life, it's just like, my name is Joey.

I look like a high school principal. What do you want? I've been friends with Mac since we were six. Mac. Mac. I get it, though. I understand. I, too, have seen every episode of Entourage.

Not as many times as you. I've seen it quite a bit. Which is probably good that you took it. Because for my first pick, I have an equally controversial pick. Okay. You know, some of you may or may not have a crystal ball. I don't. But I can still tell you that Sublime is good, actually.

Oh, dude. I never stopped liking Sublime. Sublime is good, actually. Of course it's good. I love Sublime. I never, ever stopped. I always got mad when people were like, what is this, Sublime? I'm like, get out of the car then.

Tweens ruin Sublime for everyone. The world hates Sublime. I don't get it. I fucking love it. It's because you don't remember that girl who sat next to you in eighth grade geometry, and she had a hemp necklace with a glass mushroom pendant. And she wore an LBC shirt. I dated her in 12th grade. And she was just a bitch.

Haley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think everybody. I feel like everybody, that was the age that they found it. Yeah. You start listening to Sublime when. For me, I first started when I was first smoking a lot of weed. I was smoking weed.

I'm pretty cool. That makes sense. When I first started smoking. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Oh, when you leveled up. Yeah, when I leveled up. When I was buying my own weed in the park. Yeah, when you're imagining building a room filled with bongs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is great. What's wrong with it? I don't know. People associate it, I guess. No, it's associated. I know why. I'm fine with it now. It's the reason why I don't listen to Bob Marley as much as I used to. White hippies.

That's always been. They've always ruined everything. You think it's the hippies? Sublime had that strain of misogynistic hippies who liked it, too. I lived in Seattle, the birthplace of drum circles. They did a great job of making me stop liking something they got right in they got right into that community too they started circling around in there they were like I mean like they were cool but

it did like they got there another thing their followers cuz like I know it's like like you said misogynistic hippies yeah kind of like racist dudes who like don't want to listen to reggae but like there's definitely dudes like that who like sublime like a lot of races the thing is that yeah sublime is also like one like the gateway uh to some people for uh insane clown posse so it's their last leg of good music before they become before they hit the posse uh you may hear more from later in this podcast. Before they get their tickets to the Dark Carnival.

Exactly. That's the bus ride to the Dark Carnival? Yeah, they play Sublime to get you in there. Sublime. The 311 bus. Okay, so you're going to go to Sublime. You'll take the 311. We're all going to meet at 311's house and then walk down the street to the Sublime, you'll take the 311. Here's what I think. We're all going to meet at 311's house and then walk

down the street to the Sublime bus. You guys stop over at Everclear? Well, you want to go ahead and back up? That's a dead end. Dude, we used to go to this pool hall called the Nickel Spot. Just a grimy-ass place. When I was a kid and I wasn't really self-aware of bars, I didn't check out who was in the bar before i would do things and we'd go to the juke

box and play bad fish like 20 times just like right in a row and i'm just thinking about like all these old grimy pool dudes that were like what the fuck are these kids doing i'm sure they did and we were some mop top fucking kid in a woosh t-shirt i still throw down no no I'm weak somebody get me off of this reef I still rock out

I still rock out Smith and Wesson yeah I think that song is perfect dare me not to start fucking same

that song same in the end that's a good fucking punk rock song that was what's that song down in Mississippi where the sun beats down from the sky they give it up and they give it up and

they give it up but they never ask why daddy was a rolling rolling stone he rolled away one day and he never came home and then the guitars come in that was in uh trans world greatest hits that was the first sublime song i ever heard was in escape video. That's a good way in. And I was like, who is this? And then my friend Jeremy played me Sanaria and What I Got, and I was like, I'm in. Sold. Yeah. Do you listen to Sublime with Rome? No.

Okay. With what? With Rome, when they got the new lead singer. I saw the Long Beach Dub All-Stars with Ice-T one time. I listened to the Long Beach Dub All-Stars album. It's just basically Sublime without Brad, right? Yeah. I call him Brad

because I'm in. Brad Nolan. I got real into them. I was in fifth grade, maybe? Yeah. And my dad gave me the self-titled album. Yeah.

And I got real into it. And it always gave me, some of my friends that I grew up with in Beaverton had come from California and they painted this very romantic picture of it.

Right. Like Endless Summers and you're out till nine and running around the streets. from California and I had and they painted this very like romantic picture of it right like endless summers and like you're out till like 9 and like you know running around the streets and like sublime also gave me those feelings so I had a very romantic like image of it kids telling other kids about California

was like a big deal it was huge I was like fuck how do I get down there yeah you just wanted to get down there and now I'm here and it's like, oh, it's all right. It's good. Yeah, it's fine. I didn't realize I was having a good time before, though. Days like yesterday.

That was like Sublime. That was that whole fucking day yesterday was like Sublime. It's a great Sublime day. It was one of those days where you're just like, man. God, I just want to make some hot lakes and listen to Sublime. Oh, yeah. It makes sense. Coronas. I feel the same way I feel about Sublime is... Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. It makes sense. Coronas.

I feel the same way I feel about Sublime that I feel about Coronas. A lot of the fan base I don't much care for. Yeah. We're on a hot day next to a barbecue. Turn me on, baby. Turn me on. Turn me on.

Turn me up. I'm trying to get loose. If there was a Venn diagram with Corona on one side and Sublime on the other, it would just be a circle it's the corona of music there's one sliver for sober people there's a little bit there's a little bit and then like my uncle steve is the other sliver who just likes a corona like every christmas day yeah but hates sublime but hates sublime yeah But hates sublime, yeah. A cold Christmas Corona. That is the weirdest in South Dakota?

What does he put, a pomegranate in it? Yeah, he sucks. Instead of a lime? He sucks, dude. He puts like a cash shotgun shell in there. Oh, sure. Oh, God. Is it like on Christmas Day?

Is that for real? Yeah. I mean, he always has like a six. He's the kind of, and I've said this before. Oh, he drinks Corona. He's the dude that, we were staying at the crib one night, and I was like, hey, man, you got any liquor? You're a liquor guy, right?

He's like, do I? Brings me downstairs, and he pulls out this coconut Malibu rum, and I'm like, come on, man. I'm going to sit and drink coconut Malibu rum with you. Sipping on it? We did. What is that? It happened.

So you did sit and drink it. It was either that or not drinking it. What am I going to do? Exactly what I'm about to do? There's two options. Drink the coconut Malibu rum or not drink the coconut Malibu rum. Was he proud of it, though? He was like, do I?

He said it like I would pull out some absinthe or something. Like, fuck, I got some liquor, nephew. And then, you know. Look, I don't see what your problem is. He sounds like a fun guy. Yeah. He drinks Coronas and Malibu? Sounds like my first girlfriend.

But we're talking in Watertown, South Dakota. Sounds like he's going to take us to Margaritaville and show us the time. Sounds like that night's going to end in a handjob. I should introduce him to Caribou Loose. Okay, so Sublime first pick as it is a serpentine. Fire pick. Yeah, so it's on you again. I'm going to pick a thing that is good, actually.

I'm going to pick a thing that is good, actually. Not getting any romantic play in middle school and most of high school. Like a slow road of sexual... As someone who knows this very well, I'm going to call bullshit. You're going to call bullshit? Call away. Why would that? That sucked. Looking back, it makes you the man you are today, which is great.

It sucked at the time. Everything makes you the man you are today. It sucked at the time. I would cry I was so horny. I would cry too. Yes, I would cry I was so horny. You just like cry because you want to just see one boob. Right.

You start to feel like they might not even be real. Like they might not even be real. There's nothing under that shirt. There's nothing under that shirt. There's nothing under that shirt. There's no way there's anything under that shirt. It's fucking a fallacy. You don't know. I would cry.

I was so horny. See, I was very chill about it. You were chill about it? Not getting any action? Well, I was gay, so I'd be like, I didn't want to get in a fight with the world. So I was like, I'll be fine. All right, they're out for a couple more years. I'm going to get the man strength before I deal with.

Everyone I know who got a lot of play in high school, and even a little in middle school, but all of them are whacker than the people who didn't. Everyone who I knew back in high school who was hooking up and stuff suck now. They're in prison, or they're addicted to opiates or they work at a T-Mobile kiosk you know what I mean I'm just saying like it forces you

you're like oh this is all I need so you stop developing a personality and other tools at a very early age because everybody they drive that home like no the whole point of life is to like hook up with whoever you're inclined to hook up with. And if you don't, you realize you're like, that's not, there's so

much other stuff. And you have to, you develop those other things and you develop interest in those other things. When you become a more interesting person, it pays off later. Sean, you got laid very early, right? Yeah, but then I didn't do it again until I was 18. So you waited like a good, okay. I had sex when I was 13 and then again when I was 18.

But I had one girlfriend all through high school and I was a fucking ugly mess. She was a saint for dating on me. For dating with me. Dating on me. Dating on me. I would call it on me because I was a fucking mess of a kid. Nicole dated on you later. Fuck.

Yeah, I lost my virginity when I was 19. I just... Oh, you have a great virginity story as well. Oh, I lost my virginity to a 55-year-old Native American drag queen named Larry in a Ford F-150 parked behind a Texaco two blocks away from my parents' house. That's only happened one time. That's only ever happened one time. Oh, that's so much better than mine. Yeah, that's amazing.

A 55-year-old Native American drag queen named Larry? Yeah. Wait, was that his drag name? No. Okay. Do you remember Larry's drag name? No. Okay. Do you remember Larry's drag name? I can't remember.

He was a drag queen in like Ellensburg. Ellensburg, Washington drag scene. It's further away. That's the documentary I'm trying to do. I lost mine

in my girlfriend's mom's apartment listening to a Jurassic 5 album. That's happened before. J5, huh? J5, yeah. I lost mine in Cody Hockaday's basement.

All right, shout out to Cody. I was 13. No, he didn't even know. He didn't know? It was a party. He has no idea. Damn right it was a party. People in there fucking, dude.

I guess you could call it fucking. I mean, it was fucking, but it wasn't like, it wasn't fucking. I was 13 and on a waterbed we tried. We tried to do it on a waterbed. Whoa. Couldn't handle the scandal. Yeah, it wasn't fucking. I was 13 and on a waterbed we tried. We tried to do it on a waterbed. Whoa. Couldn't handle the scandal. Yeah, it was fucking. Trying to pull off a 900 with your first dollar.

Volume was up to 11 on that one. Yeah. And then went to the floor. Did you go to the waterbed specifically because you thought it would be dope? Everyone, as far as I remember, everyone in that house had a waterbed. So it was parents, a sister and a brother and they all had a waterbed so the only actual beds were waterbeds so we just tried to do it on a bed couldn't do it still i still couldn't swing that i bet and then so we just went to the floor it was terrible i don't understand waterbeds i they're not they're not tight i

had a waterbed for years because we're uh real trashy and my mom thought like waterbeds were like hell yeah. And you didn't like it at all? No. I mean, it was all right, but it would always get cold. You'd wake up and the water's cold, which is, that's a bummer. I'm a big guy. It's just hard to get in and out.

You're like rolling over. Yeah, you get trapped in. I don't see how that's fun. It was more new than good. Yeah. I'm too tall. It's like I leave in sections. I can't.

And it feels like you can't just get a hit, a sweet spot of like, I'm too tall. It's like I leave in sections. I can't hand. And it feels like you can't just get a hit, a sweet spot of like, I'm laying here. I'll tell you what you can't do is have any kind of rhythm sex-wise on a waterbed. Especially if you're 13. Right. You don't have any rhythm anyway. I just had wild things to go off of at that point. You gotta freestyle.

Wild things would have been like a free jazz. That would have been that kind of sex video. Sweet up! Sweet up! that would have been like a free jazz that would have been that kind of sex video sweet the cut scenes on having sex like a snowflake never gonna happen like this again yeah yeah yeah

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That is a scary experience. Or just having that baby in high school. It not even being a scare. Yeah, it's just like now you got a baby. Gotta make your moves. You have to recover from fucking a lot in high school. That's my opinion. You have to put your life together after that fucking a lot in high school. That's my opinion. You have to put your life together after that.

I remember in high school thinking that I was glad I wasn't getting laid a lot because a lot of my friends would, like, they'd fuck somebody and it would just fuck their whole world for like a month. The rumors, dude. The rumors that would fly around school. Yeah, the whole thing would, like, I know a lot of girls who got really a lot worse than they should have because oh that's because they get such shame for even having touching a guy yeah absolutely hard yeah yeah yeah there was this girl yeah i won't say but like she blew a dude and then the rumor around school was that she had to get her stomach

pumped because she was allergic to it and i look back and then i'm like absolutely not i can't believe you told everybody that there's no way i mean i started this rumor thinking it's just gonna be about a girl which kids are so fucking stupid oh yeah and mean and they don't know how mean they're being we had a rumor and this is like now that i'm even saying it out loud i realized these girls were clearly being bitches to this girl. The rumor was that this girl. Yeah, I don't need to say her name. No, you don't. She like blew some guy and they had to pump her stomach.

And I don't even remember the reason was. But when they pumped her stomach, they found like change in her stomach. And that's like what everybody was. Which is. She's sucking dick, not penny rolls. Also, how much cum do you think a penis can procreate? They have no idea.

Nobody knew. They just think these high schoolers are shooting like snaffle bottles. Somebody put a gallon in there. And I remember kind of believing it. Like being like, oh, weird. It's legit impossible to even get like a pint

that is a whole day i don't need to make this up wait hold on my sunburns get worse talking about this i've never even thought about quantifying it in that term of measurement before god first of all it's 10 cc's on the average blow jobs that's what the band is named after right the band 10 cc named themselves after the band is named after. Right? The band 10cc named themselves after the average amount of semen that a man produces. People were doing semen band names

heavy back then. 10cc, which is like a fucking syringe. I've never heard of that band. A tiny, like 10cc? You ever heard?

Ska? No. Worst band in the world. That's one of their songs? Oh, I thought you were saying they're the worst band in the world.

No, they have this song, Donna, that I love a lot. It's really fun. I don't want to be this cum podcast, but 10 cc's on average? It's the average amount of semen that you produce per ejaculation.

And that is... Give or take, though. Yeah. And to even get... Sometimes it's a give day, sometimes it's a take day. Don't look at me like that. What are we giving and taking?

A few cc's. As humans, we can consume a foot-long sub. Yes. Do you understand? Imagine that's going to require so much semen to get to the point where you get your stomach pumped. That's what I'm saying. That's a good point. I didn't even think about that.

Yeah, you can grab a foot-longer, but you've got to pump your... Yeah, it's got to be like pounds of cum. All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I enjoyed that. When I said it, it sounded so cum alright I'm sorry when I said it it sounded so bad I'm sorry Marissa I'm sorry mom

Nick's looking right at Marissa like what's going on I have people out there who love me and I don't need to be behaving Laura was like yeah I'm gonna have my parents listen to one of the episodes I was like you listen to it first I'm sorry. Shout out to Sue Carmel. Sean Jordan,

you have listened to every episode. Oh, you're such a bro. Sorry, Sue. Sean, it's time for your second pick.

So my second pick is going to be in things that are good, actually. Things that are good, actually. drinks that have alcohol in them that don't taste like they have alcohol in them. Like if you go to a bar and you get like a

yeah, and people make fun of you for it where dudes are like, dude, you can't even taste the alcohol. Great. That's fantastic. I like how you're just making fun of Malibu coconut rum and then you're like I thought you loved it. But he did drink it all. The focal point of that was my Uncle Steve. I drank all the Malibu coconut rum. Or like a Mike's Hard. Like if I show up with a six pack of Mike's Hard, I'll get made fun of.

But it does the same, maybe even more of a trick. Here's what I don't like about that stuff, though, and the reason I make fun of it. The sugar? Yeah, it makes you feel like shit. So bad the next day. And you puke so bad. I've puked like, I remember one time me and this guy were walking around drinking Parrot Bay mixed with root beer

because we were just boys Aurora, Colorado you would do that back in the day and I just puked yeah like the way I puked was like not a way

that a person should puke you learn how to do yeah where it's like green or something and it's like whenever I drink margaritas or Bahama breezes or sex on the beach.

When you go to Mission Cantina and get a picture of Marg's. Yeah. Watch us for the table. When I get a $20 picture of Marg's. Shout out Mike Malloy. He brought it up last night. Of course he did. Did he?

Like, hey, after this ESPY's after party, we should hit Mission Cantina. Boys, man, we should hit Mission Cantina. We'll hang out for 15 minutes. A little cantina for the boys. And then I'll walk three minutes home and you guys can get a $20 Uber. You guys can go fuck yourself. I remember the other night we were

chilling and we were at The Roost and he was hating it. And then one of you got a text like, hey, let's go to this bar. And he's like, oh, it's right by my house. Fuck yeah, let's go. I'm like, I see what you're doing. What was that? Oh, yeah. That was a fun bar oh yeah

there was a dance night there yeah a dance night the drinks that don't taste like they have alcohol in them you learn the older you get to not get drunk off of that

you just you start with a couple of those you mean like an apple pie shot or like a or like a you know a couple of Mike's Hard or one of those lime maritas

but I never learned that lesson like if I start with a long line of iced tea you're gonna lose me that night yeah strong island yeah three four of those But I never learned that lesson. Like, if I start with a Long Island iced tea, you're going to lose me that night. Yeah, Strong Island, yeah. Three, four of those. Three, four. Go to a second location because it's dark.

Long Island iced teas do fuck my shit. I also don't like drinking that fruity shit because I don't realize how drunk I am. I'm just like, I'm naturally gregarious. I don't think it's the thing that nobody, I don't think anyone's really hating on them. It's just that we all want them. We all know that we're going to be in a bad situation later. I want to pound down some mudslides with my homies. Oh, God.

I want to be at Applebee's. Bridgetown this year, they had that Not Your Dad's Root Beer, and there was a night where I had like 15 of them. The next day was completely wrecked. So I definitely understand that. But in the moment, I had a great time that night. I also understand what you mean about people making it be like, you drink that because you can't taste the alcohol.

As if alcohol tastes so good. That is stupid. That's the crux of the point. They're all going to do it. If I get a shot of whiskey and I choke on it, someone's like, hell yeah, dude, you can be drunk now. You earned it. You know, I don't need to earn it. Yeah, dude, I took a shot ahead of you last night and these guys from the money team were trying to make fun of me.

All right. I understand that that was a really. I love them. It just sounded. No, I'm not making fun. You just sounded so funny. These dudes who were on the money team or maybe they were just wearing money team clothing. just sounded so funny. Well, these dudes who were on the money team, or maybe they were just wearing money team clothing. They were probably on the money team.

They were convincing these girls they were on the money team. I took a shot, and I was like, oof. And they looked at me, and they're like, you good? I'm like, first of all, I'll drink you under the table, money team. Yeah. And second of all, Hennessy tastes like a barrel fire. Yeah. It's not good.

It tastes like shit. I'm not going that far. It's like a good shit. Horrible. You know what Hennessy drinking is to me? It's like that muscles thing, like the next day after you lift it hard. It hurts, but it feels like good. It's good. Maybe those money team guys

should try to get a paycheck that isn't being signed by a serial domestic abuser. Yeah, maybe that. But also, Hennessy makes my nipples feel itchy every time I drink it. That's why it's good. That's how you know it's worth it. I've only had it once. What?

Yeah, Hennessy once in my life. Let's drink Hennessy and tell your flight tomorrow. We can drink some Hennessy this afternoon. I'm going to make this flight. LAX or Burbank? Maybe we get... It was too expensive to go Burbank. Burbank, the prices have jumped recently.

It was bad. Chill out, Burbank. I was doing good enough that I was like, oh, man, if it's like 50 bucks more, I'll do it. Maybe even like $300 more now. It was like enough that I'm like... Wow. Who snitched that?

Speaking of stop snitching. I was very vocal about this $40 flight I got last year from Burbank to Denver. It was you. Maybe they were like... Isn't that the whole point of this situation is not to snitch? Yeah. Don't snitch. We're not saying the name of that dope crawfish restaurant we went to.

Yeah. Whoa. We should go there. Because there's no such thing. I can't do shellfish. Yeah. Sean doesn't like it either. Sean doesn't like it either.

We'll get something nice. We'll get something nice. We'll get something cool. Yeah. Drinks that have alcohol in them that seem like they don't. Yes. Excellent pick. David Boyd, it's time for your second pick. I'm saying Solomon actually mentioned it a few seconds ago.

I'm saying Applebee's. Applebee's. Yeah. That is definitely on my list. It's so good. And people treat it like it's the bottom of the barrel. Oh, what? We're going to fucking Applebee's? I don't my list it's so good and people treat it like it's the bottom of the barrel oh what we're going

to fucking Applebee's I don't know what they did to deserve it it's at least the middle of the barrel their marketing has always been fairly classy

like I don't know how it became this thing for trashy people I think it was a lot of it was Talladega Nights cause that movie's

kind of anti Applebee's propaganda to be honest people are just anti-chain which I get, but it doesn't mean that it's like Starbucks. The coffee's fine, you know?

No, I think that it's better than Starbucks. I agree. Applebee's over Starbucks. It's well-priced. They treat you good. They have a bar. Dude, I took a shit in a women's bathroom at Applebee's once. No one said anything.

That's why you like it. It's a classy establishment. It was the Applebee's at the Sea-Tac Mall, Federal Way, Washington. Took a fat deucer. Just a deuce bigelow. Came out, because I walked in, I was like, where's the urinals? Who cares? You did it on accident?

It wasn't because the meals was all packed? No. What? No, I'm not a boss. He wasn't the person taking the biggest dump in that Applebee's. But I come out, a dishwasher guy makes direct eye contact with me, and he kept it pushing. That's weird. I mean, that's not the only reason I love Applebee's.

That's not the two for 20. It's the- No, the two for 20 is a great deal. Did, now- Shout out to Davida Valdez. And they're not small entrees for their deals. They're not. It's good-sized food.

I like their chips. I think they fry them in-house, and their chips are really good. We went to Applebee's before prom. How was that? It was great. It was great. See?

We went to Chuck E. Cheese once before prom. Bad pizza, huh? Bad pizza, but like fun games. You know, you can get flirty on an air hockey machine. I think we went to Planet Hollywood. Oh! before prom. Bad pizza, huh? Bad pizza, but like fun games. You know, you can get flirty on an air hockey machine. I think we went to Planet Hollywood.

Oh. I still had those, yeah. Dining under the bask of the jacket that Arnold Schwarzenegger wore for two scenes in True Lies. The honey glow.

We went to Maggiano's and it sucked. Oh, Maggiano's. I had coupons and i got my spot blown up did they invent the appletini i'm just asking i don't know man i don't know i don't think so no you don't think so i don't think they even uh advertise appletinis it just seems like something you could see on their menu like 25 years ago and you'd be like an apple i think they might have invented a lot i think they might have invented southwest egg rolls yeah that might be them that. Yeah, that might be them. I think a lot of these appetizers that everybody makes fun of

came up in the Applebee's farm system. Applebee's appetizers I will ride for. Their entrees hit or miss. It depends. So then you go, you get Southwest Eggrolls for the table. I say we go to Applebee's and we just get like 40 appetizers. That's the move. Let's Southwest Negroes for the table. Yeah. I say we go to Applebee's and we just get like 40 appetizers.

That's the move. Yeah. For the table. Let's get 40 things for the table. And they sell pitchers. Because like it's a very good environment for getting drunk in. Tapas Bees. Yeah.

Remember when we went to Red Robin? Yeah. It's kind of like you got to get a beer and then you select 22 ounce or whatever. Not really that great great Applebee's has pitchers like they're good to go cause I'm a big fan of beer pitchers the closest to Applebee's is very far away by the way

oh they don't have them out here? a friend of mine we were on our way back from Tempe and he's like yeah me and my girl are going to Applebee's tonight it's like a big road trip date night for us and I'm like damn it's like 40 minutes or something me and Nick Manpay in the studio but not on a microphone we're in Vegas and we were crushing pitchers at Topgolf just this last time just this last time oh that's the move they just keep bringing pitchers pitchers is great I love it yeah because it creates here's the thing I like about pitchers is it creates a sense of

urgency on the drinking yeah right because we're at Topgolf. We're here to turn up and hit balls. Yeah. You know what? That pitcher's going to get warm real quick. That last quarter, kill it. Kill it so we can get another one. I feel like, okay, let's say we're splitting a pitcher.

Ian can drink a beer a little quicker than me, so I'm like, wow, I've got to keep up, and that's why a pitcher's fun, because I get to hang at the level. Yeah. Nampay and I were on the Wolf of Wall Street schedule where it was like bring a pitcher and then bring another one in 15 minutes.

Yeah. By the time the next one gets here, this one will be done. Every 15 minutes after that until I puke off the top story of this top call. And then I sent some questionable DMs and fell asleep at 10 p.m. that night. Yeah.

You're a questionable DM at 9 p.m. At 9 p.m. When nobody else is in the mood. 9pm on a Monday, by the way. Yeah, it wasn't even a weekend. That's the least sexy time. It was like the chillest day for most people. No replies on any of them.

Ian just asked some questions in this DM. Someone's getting wild on a Monday. You wake up the next morning and you see that the scene receipt is on it. Yeah, and you're like, fuck. Damn it. All I want to see is that red exclamation point like, we couldn't send it for some reason. Oh, man. It never works out that way.

It's always like that red exclamation point is like if I'm trying to send something to my mom or something. Yeah, exactly. Like, hey, look at this cool movie. Applebee's, great pick. Solomon, it's time for your second and then third pick as it is Serpentine

I'm ready to go alright this one is easy and it's probably Shane Torres would probably love it Sampler Platter

Guy Fieri Guy Fieri yes he's getting a lot of hate so here's what I've gone back because I have a joke where he is the punchline.

Donkey Kong. Yeah. I understand. Oh, yeah. Did he? Okay, you're just going to. Well, that. Oh, shit.

Where's that? No, it's fine. It just makes me feel weird when you quote my jokes on the podcast. I'm sorry. It's weird if you quote it, but if I quote it, that means I'm a fan of my friend's stand-up. I can do that. Anyway. What do you got?

You got it out for me today. No, I don't. I honestly miss you a lot, and I'm sad that we haven't gone to the mall since you've been back, and maybe that I'm kind of acting up. We got it out for me today. No, I don't. I honestly miss you a lot, and I'm sad that we haven't gone to the mall since you've been back. And maybe that I'm kind of acting up. We can go today. We can go today. We can go goddamn today. We can go to the goddamn mall goddamn today.

You guys can go to the mall anytime you need. But yeah, Guy Fieri is what we're talking about. Yes, Guy Fieri. I just heard that he's a really good man. Yeah, because I just told you he was a good guy. No, no, no. I think that was a conversation we had. I was talking about me and Big Hearn were talking about it,

and I guess he loves him, too. Steve Hernandez? Yeah. He's like a good friend and stuff, right? He's a good guy. He has, A, has a lesbian sister. Oh. And he's married.

People made up things about him. But at the end of the day, It's legit a thing that helps small businesses Yeah dude And it's All he is is just a bad shirt and a bad haircut Shane rips off a million facts about him and his jokes There's like seven things where you're like god damn And it's all true

It's very true he's actually a much more decent human being than he is And Donovan Drivens and Dives Is hands down one of the best shows Best show It really is When you roll into a hotel and you're doing comedy in fucking Tulsa don't have scholarship funds and dives is hands down one of the best shows on TV. When you roll into a hotel and you're doing comedy in fucking Tulsa or wherever

and you're like, what am I going to goddamn do today? And you flop down on the bed and for some reason it's always on when you get to a hotel and you're like,

yes! I'll do this for an hour at three. He's never mean to anybody on the show. He's always very nice and he compliments and he takes a huge bite

and he's like, mmm, and does what I would do. Yeah. If I was like, holy shit, this is good. And then he's very complimentary to the people that cooked it. Yeah, he's a good dude. It is an app. The whole show is a positive experience. There's nothing negative occurring throughout that whole show.

And it's one of those things that's like, it's one of the only things on TV that is generally positive beginning to end. Yep. Like, when the New York Times savaged his, like, restaurant in Times Square. Do you remember when that happened? Uh-uh. Oh, so they sent, like, one of their food critics to Guy Fieri's All-American Bar and Grill or whatever. And then they treated it as though they were reviewing, you know what I mean? That's so lame.

Michelin star. Or whatever. Yeah. He was doomed from jump before they ate it they savaged it and it was like what did you think what did you fucking think we all know what this is don't think you're gonna send somebody to red robin next everyone going there knows exactly what it is you're gonna get donkey sauce on something and they're not gonna be blown like they're gonna have they're gonna be blown away yeah they're gonna have a good time they're gonna enjoy every

meal they had so just like just anytime a snob tries to talk down something yeah it's like really what do you like it's like you can't enjoy a simple thing that's that's i mean again it's like one of the whole points of this particular episode but that it just it kills me when people just want to hate for no reason they could have spent that column space on like an up-and-coming restaurant that they actually wanted people to know about, too. Instead, they had to be like, tell us what we already suspected about Guy Fieri's restaurant in Times Square.

Suspicions confirmed. Yeah, exactly. Everything is too fried. I don't believe in him as the jugglers, though. He's going to make his own money anyway. Yeah, he's fine. Everybody can hate, but yeah, he's kicked up. For what he looks like, he's not a shitty person which is well you know the weird thing that i'm thinking about

now in hindsight i don't really think dudes who look like that are shitty even uh yeah here's the thing is that there's a lot there's a difference between liking lame shit and being shitty well here's the thing is that those guys that do look like that, most of their representatives are shitty people. Guy Fieri happens to be one of the few mascots of that look that is not a shitty person.

You mean the backwards sunglasses? Yeah. A lot of Trump folks wear that look. And then that weird, the facial hair. That thin. The ludicrous used to ride.

Exactly. The weird chin thing that I don't understand. RZA had it for a little bit. A lot of skull rings and other kinds of rings. Wristbands. It's a lot of hot topic stuff. Non-athletic wristbands.

Regular purchases. Thick leather bracelets. Like, real thick. Thicker than a thick one. Thicker than a thick one. Like, six inches where you're like, that's almost like an arm guard and not a bracelet anymore. Yeah.

Oof. But yeah, Guy Fieri himself, fantastic. Fantastic. Yeah. People hate on him so much, and I think generally, hands down, great dude. And if there was a Guy Fieri's All-American Bar and Grill, we would definitely go. I would be there right now. We would fucking go.

Is there one? Live podcast. There's not. Damn it. Not in LA, but we would fucking go, and we would have a great time. Oh, we'd be parlaying. We'd have non-traditional nachos. We'd get stuff that has to a great time. We'd have non-traditional nachos. We'd get stuff that has to be dipped in sauces.

What are non-traditional nachos? I don't know. He puts a spin on it. Like Sharpie's Hawaiian nachos he got yesterday. Or like deconstructed nachos. Oh, yeah. That's just when I eat a handful of cheese and Doritos. I forget what night it was, but we got loose.

Back at the crib, you had bought Doritos and queso sauce. Yeah. And then we went out somewhere. Oh, yeah. None of that ever got cracked. Oh, it did. Oh, it did? I spirited it away to my bedroom and sat on the side of my bed.

Dipping Doritos in the queso dip like, fucking A, this is good. It's so good later tonight. I've done that too. I love it so much. It's one of the best things in the world. It's so good. Also, about that night, can we talk about the dopest thing

that's happened to me in a long time? We were all drinking at Ian's that night. The night you came home. And then all of a sudden everybody's wearing throwback jerseys and we did the come out of the thing to the music

and I like went in the back room and everybody there was a line and I ran out it was one of the best I tweeted it it was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Then Malloy left five minutes later. Yeah, then Malloy left three minutes later.

Even though we had such amazing. We were all wearing. I was wearing a Bonzi Wells jersey. You don't want to hang out? You don't have to tell me. I feel like Malloy leaves right before things get real wild. Yeah. Or he wants to party until 7 a.m.

There's only two speeds. Yeah, two speeds. It was one of those nights where I came home, and it was just like that fun where you walk in, and everyone's like, hey! Like, every single person's just a cheery mood right out of the gate. Yeah, we've been waiting on you. And there was, somebody had a drink right there. I think it might have been Nick.

I had a view. I had a view of my drink. Here's the fucking drink. And I'm like, what? What kind of world are we in? Everyone's got jerseys on. Tequila Sprite and orange juice. Tequila Sprite and orange juice. Tequila Sprite and orange juice.

Yeah. Real good. Sounds nice. Twist the lime is delicious. One of those didn't taste like it had alcohol in it, but I'll tell you what. Guys, we got to have some afternoon drinks. I have to. I haven't had it.

I mean, I don't know what that does to the sunburn. I'm going to start calling this the sunburn. It can only mellow it out. Now, don't look into that. But don't do any fact checks. Solomon, it's time for your third pick. It can only mellow it out. Now, don't look into that, but don't do any fact checks. Solomon, it's time for your third pick. My third pick,

it's actually a thing I would probably, I would never wear, but a part of me wants to wear it. That's cargo shorts. Oh, you're, you, motherfucker!

That was my next pick! I should have taken it earlier! Of course it was his next pick! Well, don taken it earlier! Of course it was his dick! Well, don't, I mean, I'll show you. Yeah, look, right there, right there. Oh, man, look! Someone who I consider you to be, I mean, you are not only beautiful, but you are a very stylish person. Look, I love being fashionable, and I will always be fashionable.

Yes. But nothing was greater than having that much pocket space. Oh, it's so good. Why do they hate it? Why do they hate us? I have no idea. I have no idea why anybody hates it. No one looks good in that. Do they look that bad? Fat guys look okay.

Fat guys look pretty cool. Fat guys can look okay. What's wrong with them? You just said you get it. What's wrong with them? I will say this. On a skinnier frame, when they billow out like that it cuts a weird silhouette oh i got my legs look so scrawny in cargo shorts it cuts a weird silhouette i had to get chinos i look high functioning yeah yeah yeah i just i think i had to get chinos and i don't want chinos i want cargo shorts but i if i wear cargo, even my friends make fun of me.

And I'm like, why can't I do that? Because wasn't there a time when it was the rage? It was. It was the late 90s. American Eagle had everyone ran to get their shorts. With that ropey belt? Oh, yeah. Just past the knees, too.

You know what the cargo shorts I don't like, though, I will say? I don't like it when they have the two strings dangling down. Oh, no. I don't understand what that's all about. I'm talking traditional cargo shorts here. I had a pair for when I first started comedy, too. Yeah. So I'd keep my comedy notebook in there with a pen.

It was the best. And now we can't. Recipes, drugs. Hell of drugs. Because you have to understand, I came in the first wave of jorts. I was first wave skinny jean jorts. And I know I'm crushing it, but now I'm stuck and I can't go back. I will say it'd be, if I saw you in some baggy ass cargo shorts, it'd be crazy.

It would be too much. I would be like, well, I mean, I wouldn't, I'd be like, listen, it's your lane and you're in some baggy ass cargo shorts it'd be crazy it would be too much yeah i would be like well i mean i wouldn't i'd be like you listen it's your lane and you're in it and i love it i used to have a pair of a fubu denim cargo shorts i love them so much i know the pair holy i wore a poke i wore pokemon shirts with it too i was doing too much i was just gonna ask so fubu denim cargo shorts and a Pokemon shirt? What are the shoes? What are we kicked up in? Oh, these at the time, man, was I was kicking up.

Oh, I think I was... I had a pair of K-Swiss. Like the all white? Oh, yeah. I was doing the most and the least at the same time. Was there a visor involved? Oh, no. No visor involved. I can tell you right now, there was a deck of magic there a visor involved? Oh, no. No visor involved.

I can tell you right now, there was a deck of magic cards in those cargo ships. Oh, yeah. Now those are fnboots for nobody. Fnboots. Nobody can get a... Fnboots. For nobody. For nobody.

For nobody. Man, I still fuck with... I don't wear them anymore. I was shamed out of it. I remember I hooked up with a girl. I was 27 probably. This is going to piss me off. 28.

And I left and she tweeted afterwards, I just hooked up with a guy wearing cargo shorts. I was stoked on it. I was like, people know that's me. That's crazy. I don't like her for doing that. I don't either I'll give you a million other reasons Listen I still hooked up with her

That's true I still went in this story And I continued to for a while Against my better judgment Anyway I don't see any reason that Cargo Shorts ever got hated on I really don't. There are several hundred reasons, and I fully comprehend them, but I do miss them.

I feel like they touch a certain part of a white woman's soul. Like the anger that they feel. It's just like when you talk to a white lady about cargo shorts. They hate them. They hate them. It's like an old hate. It's an old hate. Like the Hatfields and the McCoys.

But also keep in mind, women's clothing has barely any pockets. So I can comprehend their annoyance with our bevy of pockets. The fact that our regular pockets already have too much space. They have to hold their phone all the time. Girls have fake pockets sometimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's bullshit. It's one of the most... I feel so bad. How come we can't pocket up these ladies? Here we are rocking extra pockets in front of people that don't have pockets in their pants.

I always think it seems cool when a girl has a dress on with pockets. Girls get real stoked usually, too. I would. Nothing but nods from producer of all producers, Marissa, by the way. She's fully on board with this pocket movement. My pocket's right now full of shit. Yeah, dude.

I got weed, a pipe, and a lighter in this one pocket. I think what we need to do in order to get cargo shorts back is to start a movement where women get pockets in their pants. Yeah, I'm with that. Let's just give women some big, because they need to catch up. Let's give them, let's, why why don't are there cargo shorts for women here okay i'm sure there are we're not like safari adventure you can't expect them to go full force you got to get them regular pockets she just bought two pairs of cargo shorts and they're like up uh you know like above the knee tomb raider cargo they're not like dorothy yeah like tomb raider cargo is kind of and i was she bought them because we were having a discussion about she's like yeah i gotta you know, like above the knee. Like Tomb Raider cargos? They're not like Dora the... Yeah, like Tomb Raider cargos, kind of.

And she bought them because we were having a discussion about... She's like, yeah, I got to get shorts. And I was like, are you going to get like giant baggy shorts? Because that's, you know, it's odd. And she got cargo shorts. And I was like, all right, well, you know,

you're you, we'll see. And I was like, wow, those are pretty fucking legit. Yeah. I think I would wear a pair of those Tomb Raider ones go on a camping trip. Those high ones. Yeah. High think I would wear a pair of those Tomb Raider ones, go on a camping trip. Those high ones. Yeah. High ones.

Now, that's a big problem. I've come to enjoy a higher cut short. I was just going to say, the longer I get, I have all these dickies, but then I'm at home, and I'm wearing like, and I just like, I like the way when you sit, it feels with a higher cut. Your knees should be exposed to the world. Get some fresh air on those things. Boy, I used to have shorts that were down almost to my ankles.

Yeah. Oh my god, it was... You mean just pants. Longs. They're called pants. I don't know if you know that. Big yellow cross-color pipes that they said were shorts. They were narrow at the ankle. But they were shorts. They were shorts, though. Yeah, they were big yellow

cross-color shorts that went, I mean, easily right to here. It was crazy. Look, I can't tell you right now, yellow, cross-colored shorts that went, I mean, easily right to here. It was crazy. Look, I can't tell you right now. Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody wearing a pair of dickies that go past their knee and a pair of socks that go right up into your ear. Yeah. Yep.

What I will say about that. Did you say that makes you happy? It makes me happy, yes. Okay, because I was going to say, there was a time where that was the hardest weight. The hardest. But also. There's still parts of L.A. where that is the hardest. but also there's still parts of la where that is the hardest look oh god yeah we'd get oh man we'd get our fucking asses kicked just but also uh keep in mind you could wear pants still you might as well just wear no that's not the point

it seems like so much work there's layers to to this shit. I get there's layers, but how many places got those kind of socks? I don't know where they find those socks. More places than you'd think. I think swap meets mostly. What are we talking about, like the tube socks with the colored shreds on the top? But they go up to the knee. Yeah, like way up. You can get those.

You can get swap meets. Sean's got a guy. I got a sock guy. Uncle Steve. Swap meets. Coconut Malibu room. Swap meets. And high socks. I haven't been to a swap meet in got a guy. I got a sock guy. Uncle Steve. Swap meets. Coconut Malibu rum in high socks. I haven't been to a swap meet in a long time. I need to go.

Cargo shorts. Bring them back. Bring them back. Bring them back and diversify them. Yes. David Boyd, it's time for your third pick. Bring our girls cargo shorts. That was weird.

No. Bring our girls cargo shorts. Is that what you said? Yeah, because I was thinking about bring our girls home. Oh, I see what you're saying. It was weird. Okay. My third pick?

Yeah. Third pick. Summertime favorite of your boy. I'm going with Natty Lights. Natty Lights. I love a fat Natty on a hot day. Because here's the thing. I love drinking beer, right?

Yeah. I also love cold drinks. Uh-huh. Right? What goes hand in hand with that? Well, I love drinking beer, right? Yeah. I also love cold drinks. Uh-huh. Right? What goes hand in hand with that? Well, I love ice water a lot, right? Mm-hmm. It's basically like drinking cold seltzer water.

Yeah. It's so refreshing on a hot day. I don't want it to be crazy hoppy. I don't want it to taste like your craft beer. I want it to taste like carbonated water, and I catch a little buzz. And then after like four of them, you're a little cool. Yeah, I love Natty Ice on a hot day. I love it. The like carbonated water, and I catch a little buzz. And then after four of them, you're a little fuller.

Yeah, I love Natty Ice on a hot day. I love it. The other day, remember? I had the tub at the house. Had a tub in the front filled with Natty Lights and ice. And just living. Just living. That does sound.

Actually, that was Tecate Lights. Oh, there were some Natty Lights in there, remember? Before. There were a few days before. We had a double barbecue. But he also left it out there after the ice was melted. Oh, there were some Natty Lights in there, man. There were a few days before. We had a double barbecue. But he also left it out there after the ice was melted for a couple extra days. Because the water stays cool.

It stays cool in the water. The water did not stay cool. We didn't have to put them in the fridge until the very end. We didn't have to put them in the fridge because no one else was doing it. Until the very end. It was nothing to do with it lasting long enough. It was you not doing it. 60 hours, I say, you have it in that ice bucket. No, it was four days, and it lasting long enough. It was you not doing it. 60 hours, I say you have it in that ice bucket. No, it was four days, and it did not last.

Okay, so 100 hours. The point is, Natty Light's on the point. The next day, they were fine. The day after that, they were done. Okay, so for a day, though, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's a pretty good return on your ice. But also, you can return them back into the fridge.

It feels like it's like my knife. I'm not putting it back until it pretty good. It's pretty good. It's a pretty good return on your ice. But also, you can return them back into the fridge. It feels like it's like my knife. I'm not putting it back until it tastes good. The failing was you not drinking all those beers. It was a lot of beers. It was a whole tub. I don't know if I can go down the Natty Light route. I do like a non-hoppy beer on a hot summer day. Maybe I just haven't had a Natty Light in so long.

I'm a Tecate person in general. Tecate's there too. You know what it tastes like when it's hot out? It's like having a plain LaCroix. It tastes like cold. Exactly. The reason why I like Tecate the most is because Tecate has the least amount of foam. It's

bubbly, but there's no... And it's smooth. I don't feel like somebody's like an old sailor spitting the back of my throat. Natty Light's a little it. It's like I don't feel like somebody's like like an old seller spit in the back What's your spit carbonated That's like some serious scurvy did you know you can't even scurf out real hard scurf out is that not how you talk about having scurfed out scurfed out

but yeah I love natty it doesn't taste like anything and that's what I want and you catch a buzz it's so good on a hot day and I do this too when I go to the store because I'm tempted by the beautiful and you catch a buzz. It's so good on a hot day. People do, you know, and I do this too. I'll fucking, when I go to the store, because I'm tempted by the beautiful art and the higher price tag,

I'm like, these IPAs, they must be better. They're not. They're not. It's a job. It's a heavy job drinking an IPA. So do you not like an IPA then? I do like it, okay. It's good at your house.

It's okay. But I don't know if I need to be out here drinking 15 IPAs. Yeah, I'm out here getting drunk on IPAs. I would rather be out here and drink 25 Natty Lights and have myself a day. Yeah. Yeah, every time. Have myself a day. I think you might be talking about the future, my friend.

Dude, put on my sun hat. I put on my sun hat. I get the two grill system going. I got the links on one, the birds on the other. Come on, that's as good as life gets. True story. Oh, boy. Natty Light. Natty Light. I think it's because

the name Natty sounds so gross. I think what happened is I had, as a youth, when we were just trying to get our hands on whatever beer we could, I got a bad batch of Natty Ice once. Yeah, dude. When they're all skunked. I think you got a little.

I think you got a little. That's the other thing about Natty. Once bitten, twice shy. I think it's skunked. And I think I've been a little. The whole Natty lifestyle I've been a little bit sheepish about. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, Natty's can go bad on you real quick.

Yeah. But that happens with Coronas all the time. Yeah. Who among us is innocent of getting skunked yeah we've all been skunked oh Coronas all the time get skunked you pretend like they're not skunked a fresh Corona tastes like it's skunked sometimes

sidebar again Nicholas Dampay in the studio not on the mic on the flight to Vegas they passed out Heinekens in a can delicious Heineken in a bottle not so much I like Heineken. Heineken in a bottle? Not so much. I don't like a green

bottled beer. A green bottle is apparently really bad for beer. Don't like it. Yeah, Rolling Rock is another one that's like, ugh. Yeah, gross. But you know what's really funny about a Heineken, too? Black people love it. My dad, that's what he loves. Black people love Heineken. I think

it's just the H sound and alcohol is that we're in love Hennessy and Heineken yeah we love green shit too I don't know what it is right money color that's really ports money weed and margaritas dude all green money money we do. It's a fucking lyric. Well, I won't try to suss that out, but somebody raps about that. But, yeah. No, Heineken is great. Natty is great.

That's where I'm at. Summer is great. Summer is great. Sean Jordan, it's time for your third pick. I'm not going to pick what I was going to because it's dangerously close to David's, so I might pick it later. Oh. So what we're going to do now is we're going to do Chinese food for the mall food court.

Yep. Oh, yeah. That's something that people... I'll wake up. It doesn't happen here because you're like, well, yeah, let's go do that. But in Portland, Portland especially, some arrogant motherfuckers will be like, you guys want to go to the mall for lunch? Get some Chinese food? And they're like, no, we need to pay at least $15 for a sandwich and wait in line for like an hour. I'm not that light, too.

But only in Portland, not here in LA. If I can get on board with your pick, because I fucking love mall Chinese food. Just like Taco Bell, which no one will pick because I think we all are so good. We've blown it out. We've blown it out. Taco Bell isn't Mexican food. It's a different genre. It's similar.

If I want Mexican food, I'm not going to go to Taco Bell. I'm going to go to one of the many Los Angeles area delicious Mexican places. But sometimes I just want fucking Taco Bell. Sometimes I want Chinese food. And sometimes I want Panda Express. Sometimes you want Chinese food. And sometimes I want Panda Express. Sometimes you want Chinese food and we go to where you, Nick, and I went a month ago. In Hollywood.

In Chinatown. Or Palace. There's a lot of good Chinese food in LA too. But sometimes you just want fucking Panda Express. Sometimes you want that orange chicken. That shitty egg roll. I want those crab cheese wont roll. I want those noodles.

Yeah. I want those crab cheese wontons. I want salt. David has seen me postmate Panda Express. He has postmated. I've definitely. I postmated Panda Express before it was Postmate Prime or whatever the fuck. And you had to be like, eight bucks. Yeah.

I'll do it. I'll do it. I don't care. Come over. So well spent is what you're saying. I guess I better order more food to make that. Yeah, it's worth it. Oh, I did.

I did. I ordered so much food. Solomon got like a family meal. It was a lot. It was a lot. I don't look like a lowlife, but I'm for sure a lowlife. Yeah. We've had a lot of days where we've just ordered two pizzas and crushed two pizzas.

Exactly. Dude, yeah, this is way to be. Me and Solomon watching some weird shit on TV. It's like, you know I'm going to get an orange soda. That's going to happen. It's just slice. Yeah, that is a good situation. Panda Express with a nice orange soda.

It's a great thing. But it's another thing where it's the heartburn right before I go to sleep. That's what's showing up. That's like, oh, that's why I'm not supposed to eat this. In my head, I'm always like, it's okay because it's chicken. Look at all this protein I'm getting. Look at all this

genetically engineered protein I'm getting. I probably shouldn't, but I'll get the honey walnut shrimp from Appendix Press. I'm happy I don't like seafood because would fuck with the seafood had a dangerous zone I yeah and I dance in it nothing's better than cheap shrimp I walk right into the fire is that the scariest rapper name cheap shrimp cheap shrimp Chief Keef and Cheap Shrimp. I'm all about my dollars. I ain't never scared. Mixtape. No one looks happy to serve you cheap seafood either.

No. There's a look on their face. They're like, you sure? I want to get rid of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just so hard to get like a lot. I want to get full off of shrimp is what I'm saying. It's hard to do unless it's cheap. We did it the other day and it was incredible.

And I don't think that was cheap shrimp. That looked like good shrimp. That's that crawfish place? Yeah. Yeah. You were saying that it was good muscles too. Really good muscles. Solid muscles.

Really good muscles. The thing is it's very difficult to get me to not order orange chicken. Oh my God. Yeah. Like you got to really fuck it up. Like they're like, you get two choices. I'm like, give me two pieces of orange chicken. Yes, God. Like you gotta really fuck it up. Like they're like, you get two choices. I'm like, give me two pieces.

Both orange chicken. Yeah, so I get two of the same. You know, I don't get orange chicken that much because I'm not a big sweet meat guy. Oh yeah, you were saying that.

Yeah, I'll get like the, I'll get like the garlic, any of the other chickens. I'll get like a peppered chicken if they got that in there. I really always want to mess. Sometimes,

and this is a bold move at Pan Express, I'll get that, that like the beef, which always looks cached, but. It's usually very very dry but sometimes you get a good shanghai beef sometimes and even if i don't i'm like well whatever i'm gonna keep rolling the dice until until it works maybe we could maybe we go to chang's after this what's chang's pf chang's pf chang's oh chang's i used to when i was working at the mall I would go to Pan Express do my double orange chicken situation

and then I would go to Cinnabon and I would get I would get a whole Cinnabon and I'd get the root beer milkshake was I barely able to breathe my hand is shaking there's maybe been one day in my life I couldn't handle the Cinnabon

like my prime I was like There's maybe been one day in my life I could have handled the cinema. Like my prime. I was like 13, you know. No, I show up to food courts ready to upset fat people. Ready to upset. He's just over there. You know what it's like? Just walking around holding it. It's like when Eddie Murphy, when he lost all the money in Nutty Pro...

Or when he lost all the weight in Nutty Pro... Exactly. And you're just at the food court like, You know how good it feels to be thin? I am thin! Just cramming double fisted Cinnabons. I was doing the most. I would order all that stuff at the same time because it's just get it done.

And I'd be there and I'd look like, Is there another person showing up here? No, this is all for me. This is what I'm putting in. Fat people giving you looks saltier than the chicken you're eating. Salmich is like, yeah, I'm going to eat all this. Excellent pick. Malt Chinese food, fantastic.

It's time for my third pick and then my fourth, but first to make this third pick, I'm going to take a somebody who I don't think is going to pick i'm going to take a uh somebody who i don't think i'm gonna take dane cook i was actually thinking about that jane who i have personally been bumped by several times several times look if you haven't been bumped by dane cook are you do are you doing comedy dan cook loves to go long now at the He loves to walk into the improv and do an hour

and a half for some reason, or at least 40 minutes. But, Harmful, he gets a lot of hate. Yeah. Harmful of Swallowed is an excellent stand-up comedy album. And his presents, if you remember that. Amazing, even though he's wearing a tank top.

Yeah, he's the best tank-topped comedian there's ever been. He was something that you've never seen, and he's wearing a tank top. Yeah. He's the best tank topped comedian there's ever been. He was something that you've never seen and he was really good at it. He was really good at what he was doing. Before you were like, he grabbed the camera like he was at a fucking wrestling match. Poured water all over the place and he was just so bucky. But also a comic. It was very fun. For me, I've never had hate for him. It's just never sparked me.

But I see what he does. I can see. That's the thing. When you see another comedian, you're like, that's a skill set. That is not an easy skill set to acquire. There are zero comedians who are, well, maybe not zero. Well, yeah, there are zero comedians who are big and famous who don't deserve it. Yeah.

I mean, you have to. There are some people who are underrated for sure yeah but like i mean if you get to that level you're communicating with a group of people who want to be communicated with you know and he blew up and that's it's a textbook like always sold out people are hating on him for doing these movies with jessica albin shit and like they're not the best but like who who amongst us would turn down millions of dollars to be in your movie be like yeah totally i'll do it and i will i'll be comfortable for the rest of my life and then Like, who amongst us would turn down millions of dollars to be in your movie? Be like, yeah, totally. I'll do it.

And I'll be comfortable for the rest of my life. And then I can just do stand-up. That's what he does. He just does stand-up now. I mean, he fucked up and, like, I put out too much. Like, I mean, like, took the fast money rather than the slow money probably. But the fast money was probably also really, really good. And he's still, you know, I bet you he's not even touring clubs still.

Yeah, I don't know where he's touring. He's still probably theaters. Yeah, I think he's still doing theaters. I would assume so. So if you're hitting theaters, how many racks is that a night? It's not going bad for the guy. Right, no. He's probably not making as much as he used to. Right, but I bet you it's still fine. Even then, a tear below is not...

Yeah, it's still good. That's a good situation. People still get stoked when the emcee says, we have a special drop in Dane Cook, and then he, like, a tear below is not... Yeah, it's still good. That's a good situation. People still get stoked when the MC says, we have a special drop in Dane Cook, and then he, like, you know, walks out. Yeah. And when he says things like, I feel like I'm in the pocket right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Last time he bumped me, he said that. I feel like I'm in the pocket right now? Yeah. He was talking about dating. One day, I got bumped by Arsenio Hall and Jay Leno at an all gay show What? Don't people say Arsenio

A lot of people say Arsenio Hall is gay No no neither of them are gay Is that not true? I've heard that from a lot of people His whole set was him talking about his son Wanting a pair of Yeezys Which you know A mostly gay audience They want to hear about Sneaker Wars talking about his son wanting a pair of Yeezys. Which, you know,

as a mostly gay audience, let's love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want to hear about, yeah, sneaker wars. Arsenio. Whoa, that's terrible. It was fun, though. Did they know?

Did Jay and Arsenio know it was an all-gay show? Did they comment on it? Yeah. No, they did not. And it was, like, it was hands down the funniest thing

I've got to witness as a person. That's amazing. Where was it? It was at the Improv again I've got to witness as a person. That's amazing. Where was it? It was at the Improv again. Oh, that's so funny. It was hilarious. The show was called Gays R Us.

And I love that show. But it was hilarious. It was like, who's coming? Okay. Couple famous straight dudes? I loved every second. It was fantastic. It was a show in Glendale called Black Laughs Matter.

I was the only white guy. I have no idea why they would do that. Yeah, when you saw the name, you should have been like, I'm every second. It was fantastic. There was a show in Glendale called Black Laughs Matter. I was the only white guy. I have no idea why they would do that. Yeah, when you saw the name, you should have been like, I'm all right. Yeah, it was like a festival thing. And he's like, yeah, we'll put you on the show. I remember when you did that. What? That was when we were writing.

You thought it was a contest, right? Yeah. No, I found out it was a contest when I got there. Oh, yeah, you didn't know it was a contest. And it was called Black Laughs Matter. I love this story so much. Three minutes clean. It was a contest.

Black Laughs Matter. Only white dude. That's hysterical. Yeah. Didn't. I didn't win. contest i love this story so three minutes clean it was a contest black laughs matter only white dude that's hysterical yeah didn't i didn't win oh that's a surprise but yeah dane cook and he got like a lot more people into comedy and one of those when those people swell like that you know they're like that was one of the first albums i ever heard my friend or i remember being like dude you got to check this dude out on comedy central yeah before i even started yeah and i do love physical comedy and that did was a part of the return to physical comedy yeah big time way people way too many people uh shoot down and i think that's actually it's not an easy thing to do it's it's so much energy i just fucking stand there yeah so i wonder

what the tweets are gonna be be about this. This is interesting to think about. I don't know. A lot of people telling us we're wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's terrible. Yo, no way in the world. I feel like people don't feel good about Natty Ice. We could put in that first album and I'd still laugh.

I guarantee it. We could listen to it today and I'd still laugh. It'd be funny, yeah. I was in the kitchen washing a dish. Tell him what you told me. That's not what you told me. It's funny. Tell him what you told me. Yeah. Playing those characters.

It was fun. And that Kool-Aid man bit. Yeah. It's hilarious. You get jokes. The sweet and sour sauce on my pussy. That one. Yeah.

I'm giggling. So that's my third pick. Fourth pick. And fourth pick would be. All right. I'm going to take it. Arby's. Yeah. Nick goes, yes.

Dude, I just got in a huge argument about this. With who? Mike Malloy. Mike Malloy? What was his take? He wanted to go eat margaritas at Michigan Cantina. I don't like Arby's. It's gross.

Boston, Boston, Boston. I'm going to be honest with you like Arby's. It's gross. Boston, Boston, Boston. I'm going to be honest with you. Arby's is gross. No, but it's not gross. It's bad for you. It's not gross. No, no, it's gross. It's so good.

Look, as somebody who once consumed $30 worth of food from Arby's, because that's the kind of person I am sometimes. I did it. And I can tell you right now. No, no. I can see the appeal, but it is not good food.

Yeah, nobody likes having sex with ten women at once. Just because you OD'd doesn't mean the rest of us can handle our Arby's responsibly. I don't want to do Molly anymore for a while after the 4th of July, all right? Sometimes you have a bad experience. Sometimes you have a bad experience, and then you want to pump the brakes for a while and get your life back together. Yeah. Try getting like $3 worth of Arby's next time. What am I, a narc?

That's still a lot of Arby's. They got those little sliders now. They got like eight different flavors of sliders. The five for five deal at Arby's was so clutch. They had everything. But also, the horsey sauce is the best thing. Oh, the horsey sauce is the best. That's what I'm saying.

It got me back into horseradish sauce. It's so good. The horsey sauce is the best thing. Oh, the horsey sauce is the best. That's what I'm saying. It got me back into horseradish sauce. Shoot it into my veins, man. It's so good. It's your first step out of traditional. It's the first step out of the ketchup and mustard. Yes. Horse sauce is a gateway sauce. And that's a good introduction to other sauces. They don't even have ketchup there.

It's Arby's sauce. Arby's sauce is an experience. Dude, when I get that roast beef with some Arby's sauce and some horsey sauce, it is delicious. Now, look, I would love to get a sandwich from somewhere else and get a horsey sauce from Arby's sauce and some horsey sauce. It is delicious. I would love to get a sandwich from somewhere else and get a horsey sauce from Arby's. Hey, do you guys have Arby's horsey sauce? Also, the fries. The fries are good fries.

They're like Wendy's fries. I do love the fries. I haven't appreciated their dalliances with good bread sandwiches. I'm not into that world as much. I like the roast beef. fuck with the Reuben. Really? It's really good.

I'm telling you, man. You know you're telling a Jewish man to try a Reuben at Arby's. I stand by it. I know my way around a Reuben. From the bottom to the top. I love Reuben, too. It's my favorite sandwich. I'm telling you, check out the Reuben at Arby's.

If I'm in a situation where that's my only Reuben, I'd get that Reuben. I'll try that Reuben. Yeah, it's a good Reuben. Also, fun fact, Arby's is an acronym. Arby, roast beef, Arby's. Some people don't know that. That is very dumb.

I heard it on here for the first time, whatever we were drafting. But that was, yeah. Though also, another thing, I do love that old sign of the Hollywood one. That is, because that's like a historical Arby's sign. There's a beautiful Arby's here in Hollywood, yeah. And it is, I think, I don't,

even if Arby's shuts down as a business, I think that sign should be there forever. Every time I drive by that, I'm like, I'm going to go there. I never go. Somebody used to have a bit. Well, I won't do it, but yeah. Arby's got clammed on by The Simpsons and The Daily Show.

It was like a. What was in you on Chelsea? They sent you some shit, right? Arby's. Fuck yeah. I'll get to that in a second. Jon Stewart was always going after Arby's. And then there's the famous, I'm so hungry, I could eat at Arby's.

Devastating line. But it's good. It's good. It's good. I like it. And yeah, I mentioned Arby's. Devastating line. But it's good. It's good. It's good. I like it. And yeah, I mentioned Arby's on Chelsea Lately. Yeah. And it was the first time I ever got something for mentioning something on TV.

Later on, they sent me a little package. Hell yeah, they did. And it had a tumbler, like a plastic cup, an Arby's notebook and an Arby's pen, a letter thanking me for mentioning it, and two $5 gift cards. Not $110. That's basically a year's supply of Arby's. Two $5.

Yeah, it's a year's supply of Arby's. That part weirded me out, the two $5 gift cards. But the rest of it, I appreciated. I think my main issue with Arby's as a facility is that as a fast food restaurant, they keep church hours, and it is not okay. Oh,, they keep church hours and it is not okay. Oh, they do keep church hours. They are not open late for anyone.

Isn't that one in Hollywood open 24 hours? I don't think so. It's late, dude. There's been some 1am's where I've entertained the idea. Maybe I'm wrong. And I said, baby, it's 1am, let's get some Arby's. It's just the thing with me is

in order to get to the Arby's, I have to go buy a Jack in the Box, a Taco Bell, a McDonald's, and I'm like, what do you want, Arby's? The one in Hollywood is open until midnight, but most of them are closed at like 10, 10.30. Yeah, I'm barely drunk at midnight. What do they want from me? That's why every time I think about going to Arby's late at night,

I'm like, I don't want to drive all the way to Hollywood, and that's the closest one. I've never had Arby's drunk and I'm like, I don't want to drive all the way to Hollywood. And that's the closest one. I've never had Arby's drunk. What? Because of the church hour situation. Yeah. I'm sure I would probably, I'd be sitting here saying how much I love Arby's if I got.

Why don't we go get some Arby's, bring it home, get drunk, and then eat it. If I had Arby's drunk? No, I don't think so, right?

I don't think so. Yeah. Because like you said, it's not open line. Yeah, it's not open line. Well, is there an Arby's in Portland?

We can go get some Hennessy. We can Post you said, it's not open-ended. Yeah, it's not open-ended. Is there an Arby's in Portland? We can go get some Hennessy. We can Postmates some Arby's. Henrock. Some Harby's. Some Harby's. Hen and Arby's. Some Heineken, some Harby's, and some Henrock. Some Arby's.

Listen to the alcoholics. That does not sound like a bad day. Sounds like a dank day. All right, I take Arby's and their wet roast beef sandwiches. Sean, it is time for your fourth pick. Fourth pick for me is going to be romantic comedies. You motherfucker. All right.

Point of order. Do people think those are bad? I think so. And that's what I was going to bring up is that the hate is decreasing for sure. But I still think that there's a stigma attached to it. I don't think anybody in this room has that. I love attached to it. I don't think anybody in this room has that. I love romantic comedies. I don't think anyone in this room,

I think everyone in this room fully celebrates romantic comedies. I've been rockin' from way back. We're doing just in general what we think people look down on. I think the issue with romantic comedies is people hating them in public, but legit loving them. Yeah, dudes being like, what'd you watch, Never Been Kissed? I absolutely love them. You watched Never never been kissed too, and you loved it

You know all the words in the rap and she's all that All right, I'll allow it all our romantic comedies Well now I feel bad like I know Assessment where I think people do hate on it. Yeah, like but I don't think anyone. Your gen pop. They'd be like, what do you mean? We're going to go watch Hitch? You'd be like, yeah, I like Hitch. I want to go watch Hitch tonight.

That's what I want to do. Kevin James is great in it. I just like a romantic comedy. They all feel good. They all have happy endings. And it's the Kelly Jordan in me coming out where I just want everything

to just work out. Everybody ends up like, you know, you didn't get the girl, but you won the lottery at the end of this romantic comedy. So it's great. Everybody's in a good mood.

Easy watching. You really don't need to pay attention, which is fun. I love end of this romantic comedy. So it's great. Everybody's in a good mood. Easy watching. You really don't need to pay attention, which is fun. I love rom-coms, too. I know you do. I know. Especially when I'm in a relationship. Right now, when I'm out there, being battered against the shores of the life of a bachelor, taking L's left and right.

I'll shave five seconds later. I have a five o'clock shadow. Maybe not so much. They remind me of my failures but I do like them sometimes I love them I love everything about them I like going to the theater and see them I like going on dates to romantic comedies I like curling that was one of my

I'm pissed that video stores are gone is because I can't go pick out a movie with a girl and that ends up being a romantic comedy the rom coms on Netflix are shit yeah they really are't go pick out a movie with a girl and that ends up being a romantic comedy. The rom-coms on Netflix are shit. Yeah, they really are. They bum me out all the time because they have all these like like the D's. I'm like, I don't want

to watch that. I don't want to watch Picture Perfect. D's? Yeah. Double D's. She's nuts. She's nuts, dude. Look, you want the top shelf romantic comedy. Yeah, I want like a hitch. You want a Kevin Heigl. You want a Jennifer Lopez. I want a crazy stupid love.

Yeah, give me a crazy stupid love, dude. Give me Made in Manhattan. That one. Oh, okay. That might be on the flicks right now. You know what I like is the little failure to launch. Oh, that's a good one. Back to back that with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?

Oh, man, that is a hurt. Just these ridiculous plots where you're like, wait, you're telling me that your career is you get guys to move out of their parents' house? That's what you do for a job? And you're very successful? And she's rich. Yeah. She's rich.

I love a rom-com kitchen. I love the way the house is. Oh, the kitchen's great! It's also like real estate porn, usually. Oh, yes. Oh, like, I love you, man. He just is, like, developing a strip mall. Dude.

You know which one? Is it No Strings Attached or Friends With Benefits? But Guy Branum's in it. Yes. Oh, it's No Strings Attached. No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher. What's Justin Timberlake? That's the one with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

Yeah. Wait, is that No Strings Attached? The one with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis is Friends With Benefits. Yeah. Okay, yeah. No Strings Attached that was an Armageddon Deep Impact situation

it definitely was it was right yeah yeah where they're like wait that was dope but you're like well which one they were being written

at the same time Deep Impact is the good one but yeah I was watching No Strings Attached I don't know six months ago and I hadn't known Guy Branum

the first time I saw it obviously right and now that I know him I'm like well look at that motherfucker he's got a fairly big role in it No Strings Attached, I don't know, six months ago. And I hadn't known Guy Branum the first time I saw it, obviously. Right. And now that I know him, I'm like, well, look at that motherfucker. He's got a fairly big role in it, right? Yeah. He's the roommate, like a very, I don't know, probably like 30 speaking lines. Harry Canabalo's in All About Steve.

Really? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't see All About Steve. Oh, dude, another good one. The Five Year Engagement. I love the Five Year Engagement with Jason Segel and Emily Blunt. That one is, I don't know if, like, it's somewhat of a comedy, but it does, it is.

It gets pretty deep, too. It gets a little deep. I really enjoy that. I like it on the surface. I do, too. Some rom-drom? Give me some of that. Some rom-drom.

Rom-dromity? Romantic dramedy. Rom-dromity? Rom-dromules! Oh, yeah, I like the candy one, too, like Legally Blonde. Oh, man, that movie. Sweet Home Alabama's a fucking good dude. That's a great movie.

Give me some Josh Lucas. He doesn't get enough. He's in those car commercials. What? Georgia Rule with Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan, okay, all right. That's a weird one. Oh, yeah, romantic comedies.

All right, rom-coms, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, to follow that up, obviously, I'm picking Cheez Whiz. All right, rom-coms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well to follow that up, obviously, I'm picking Cheez Whiz. Obviously. John! Who's hating Cheez Whiz? A lot of people. It's like the butt of a lot of jokes. It's again, it's like romantic comedies.

It's one of those things where if you're in a grocery store, your friends would be like, no way, dude. Oh, gross. I feel like rom-coms are way better respected than Cheez Whiz. I don't think Cheez Whiz gets any respect. Maybe just, I've been friends with you too long. I think you're rom-com. Oh. Give me a box of Cheez It and some Cheez Whiz gets any respect. I've been friends with you too long. I think you're wrong-cum. Give me a box of Cheez-Its and some Cheez Whiz.

Dude, I love Cheez Whiz. I fuck with the flavored Cheez Whiz. Maybe with the bacon. Maybe I do a bacon pimento swirl. Check this out. Now who am I? Chicken and a biscuit. A little piece of salami on there.

Chicken and a biscuit. And then the fucking bacon Cheez Whiz. Get out of town. Get out of town. Oh, that's a good idea. Get out of town. Cadillac. I love when you get the original style Philly cheesesteaks and they put the cheese whiz on it.

Yeah. I think cheese whiz is great. Again, it's a thing where it's like sometimes I'm in a mood for like a $10 piece of sharp cheddar from Whole Foods, you know, and I want that experience. Sometimes I just want fucking cheese whiz. There's two different foods. One is not a substitute for another. Cover me in whiz, mama. Whiz me down.

They're two different things. I don't give a shit. I've housed them. I've taken it right to the dome, right to the mouth. Just like a fun whip it with cheese whips. Sometimes all you want is like a half a mouthful of cheese whips. You thought you were hungry. You just wanted to coat your mouth with something. My mom got me one as a joke present once.

I think I was like 12, 13. And I was like, at first, I was like, ha ha, I'll try it. And then like minutes later, the whole can was gone. You can put it on anything, too. You can spice up a sandwich. But like the prime suspects for me are Cheez-It and Triscuits. Yeah. Oh, man.

And now with those new flavored Triscuits bro okay i had a day one time back at the old my old house i triscuits sour cream cheese whiz oh man that sounds look at you mr chef they call me cordon first recipe in a cookbook of David right there. What a terrible cookbook. Get some natty ice. Cheese was great, though. Yeah, I love that. Oh, fuck.

It was hot in the 90s, and then it got a real big backlash. Well, there's no ad campaign for it anymore, which is kind of... I don't think... Yeah, it's surprising, but I think... It's kind of something that you know about. I think people who are committed

to Cheez Whiz are for life committed. They know their people are going to come back. And the flyover states. You know? Yeah. You don't see a lot of commercials

for water either. No, the Kaminsky's, the Walter Storrs in the world, you know? You got to do this anyway. Why are we going to... For you, Kaminsky and Waltertersdorf are flyover names? That sounds like old New York money to me

I'm thinking of like Wisconsin and like That's like Michigan Okay word Okay word Cheese whiz Not much to say about it It's an excellent pick I mean we said a mouthful

A delicious mouthful A mouthful Solomon, it is time for your fourth and then final picks. And fifth. This one is a, it was a brief genre of music in the 90s. Okay.

I don't know what it's called, but I remember there was a compilation album called Pulse. It was all, it was like La Bouche. Yeah, yeah. Oh!

Da-da-da-da-da. Vengaba. It's like all these da-da-da-da-da Yeah What would you call that? Yeah I don't know But it was I think it was like Early club music

It was nothing but Black people from Germany Just releasing Yeah The funnest dance music Euro dance This is a real Euro dance

Oh my god I love The nut Oh yeah And those will still Get it going And that Hathaway song Oh What is love? Baby don't hurt me The night. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And those will still get it going. And that Hathaway song.

Oh. What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. It was like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. All those songs had a drop, and it was the best. Everything from A Night at the Roxbury, basically. It is pretty much it.

Yeah, that is. Yeah, that is a great. Where you're just doing little bounces until the big bounce. You're just like, bounce, bounce, bounce. Then you fucking freak out. What happened to La Bouche? It was just time. They were part of a system.

It was just a flash. It was like music that you wanted to hear in a warehouse. Exactly. Like in a warehouse, like a foreign... Like where they hung out in that movie Swordfish. Yeah. That's where that music Was playing It's like

I think it's like Where people were doing The good cocaine In the 90s Yeah It was that sweet Where that music was playing And ecstasy

Not Molly Not MDA Ecstasy Ecstasy Spine wrecking ecstasy Good old Good old Hole in the brain

Ecstasy Here's you When you Didn't do ecstasy Here's the holy version Of your brain Now you when you didn't do ecstasy. Here's the holy version of your brain now that you have done plenty of ecstasy. But you listened to Pulse and you had fun. Yeah, exactly. Potato, potato.

Is there a throwback ecstasy? Like restful claypatsy? You can't get that stuff. That kind of stuff was like 10 of your friends are going to do it, and one of you is for sure going to die. It's not like Quaaludes, though, where there's possibly some just sitting around somewhere? I don't think you want it. Quaaludes, you can still.

Quaaludes, baby, but I don't think you want it. And then also, if you said dehydrate you immediately, like to the bone. That sounds terrible to me. That doesn't sound fun. Molly isn't that fun to me, period. I don't know why I'm asking you. I lost my mind when I was on Molly. It only worked for you once, and I don't.

And it was bad. I had not a fun time. I had a rough go too. You took two though, right? No, I took one and I had to, I was in that port-a-potty for a minute. And this is after like a solid five years of like not working on it. It just never would work for me. It was with you. And like, yeah,

that night, man, I was like in the port-a-potty like, you're okay. You're okay. And I don't like get like that, especially on drugsa-potty like, you're okay. You're okay. And I don't get like that, especially on drugs. But it was like, this is not for me. I can't. You know what it is? It makes me feel fatter than I am.

Really? Because you're just flush and you're sweaty. I'm just like, ah, this is too much. It's too much for me. I'm sorry. I live by one rule. If you throw the word designer before something, I can handle it. Designer drugs, designer clothes, designer shoes.

Designer drugs? That is a beautiful rule. That is a fucking rule. I think I like that more than Sanjay's drug dealer summer. That is a rule. It's hilarious because every time I try to smoke marijuana, I have the worst experience. Oh, really? Me and marijuana have never floated well together.

That's so funny. I'm the same way about you with designer, but I'm like that with the word discount. Natty Ice and Molly over here. Natty Ice, cheese whiz. I'm like yeah oh that's cheap cheese send it over my way daddy

oh you got some old ecstasy lying around pop up to the bush I'm gonna live my best life pop up to the

bush I'm taking my shirt off that's amazing Euro dance show two years ago at Bridgeton I snuck a couple

on those into the playlist. They're so good. People loved them on the dance floor. Oh, yeah. That song, Mr. Vain? Yeah. Oh, man. Wanna be my lover, wanna be my lover.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Yeah. Oh, man. That is a good. And sometimes those songs will have that yelly guy. I talk, talk, talk, I talk to you. Who is that guy? I don't know.

It's just a guy. That was a real McCoy. That was, yeah. Oh, man. That is a different guy. That shit is good. Excellent pick. And then your fifth pick.

Oh, there's a fifth pick? Yeah. Yeah, because it's as a Serpentine draft. Oh, man. I forgot there was a fifth pick. See, the fifth pick, there's room to kind of go crazy, though, because you already have four solids. Yeah, because you already built your loyalty.

I know I built my loyalty, but I don't want to go fucking rogue, because I had some top choices there. And also, I've gone rogue. It doesn't go well sometimes. Oh, man. They love you for a while, but you could live long enough to see yourself become a villain. This one, they do get openly hated in this country, and it's Canadians.

They're fucking dope. Oh! Canada's dope. I like that. The whole way through. Canada's dope. You're right. I know a lot of dang Canadians.

Especially right now. You're right. They're really funny. Canada's dope as hell. Canadians are really funny. Yeah. And we see, like, we shit on them for being nice. They call their dollar stores, the dollar, two dollar stores, because they're loonie

and toonies. They're called loonie toonie towns. Loonie toonie towns? That's what they're called. Loonie toonie towns. I didn't need to be sold on Canadians. I love them. But there is.

Shout out Marissa. Shout out to producer of all producers, Marissa. And then shout out also to Dave Coulier. No, not a anti-shout out to Dave Coulier, but shout out to Drake. Celine Dion, amazing Canadian. Oh, man. Harold Ramis. Yeah, not a anti-shoutout to Dave Coulier, but a shoutout to Drake. Celine Dion, amazing Canadian. Oh, man. Harold Ramis. Yeah, Harold Ramis.

Seth Rogen. A lot of those, like John Candy. John Candy? Rick Moranis. Oh, it's amazing. Oh, yeah, Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, all those people

came from the crank. Rick Howard. Slick Rick Moranis. TJ Rogers, if we're going to talk about skateboarders, we could do that. Canada has a lot

of great things going on. That's a good call. And the best thing about them is if you live in the Pacific Northwest, especially in Seattle, it's three hours to get to Vancouver. Drinking age is 19. Guess what I got to do when I was 19? Oh, that rules. Get drunk in a bar.

It's the best. We went up to Winnipeg. We used to go up to Winnipeg. That's the same, like, six hours or something. It's worth it. It's worth it to not get busted and be wasted

and puke in a bar like an adult. Like a normal adult. Man, I have not puked in a bar. And it's got different parts to it too. Yeah.

You know? These like hick Americans will like hate on Canada as an idea not knowing that if they went to Calgary, they'd love it. Yeah.

They'd have a great time in Calgary. Or if you want to be some kind of upscale cosmopolitan person, you can go to Toronto and find that. Sure. You know? No, Canada's dope. I mean, I've only been there a handful of times, but every time, great. I love it.

I have a great time. Yeah. Biggest comedy festival in the world. That's true. True. I don't know anything about that. I don't either. I definitely don't. I had to cancel my dates.

What? I had to cancel my Montreal dates. Well, it turns out I won't be going either. Were you just in Toronto, though? I was just in Toronto. Shout out to everyone

who came out to the show. Shout out to Snow. Was Snow there? But you had to cancel for... I had to cancel JFL because now we're double taping that week at the Late Late Show with James Corden.

Sign my paychecks. Help me get Emmy nominations, so I can't turn my back on that. Sure, later prom dated, hotel accommodated. Canadians, excellent final pick. Canadians are good, actually. David, it's time for- Oh, it's in the beard. It's time for your final pick. I got this comb.

Yeah. Final pick for me- David is combing his beard right now. Combing my beard. This one is weird. David is combing his beard right now. Combing my beard. This one is weird. Being the drunkest guy at the party. Oh. Yeah, I know.

A thing or two. You ever heard of that? I know. I know. A thing or two. Tell me why because I've been feeling bad about that. You're never going to be more free than that. You're never going to be more free than that.

I'll tell you what. People do look down on that though. Yeah. But that's like the best. It's good to be the villain sometimes. like the best it's good to be the villain sometimes yeah so it's great to be so drunk and you're like you know what because like i wish i could talk to people that like that in my life but you know when you're so drunk and you're talking to somebody and you're like you know what fuck you yeah you don't fucking like me

what i'm doing i'm i'm two inches away from your face. I'm getting Jesus in your shit. Spilling natty ice all over you. Yeah, I'm spilling natty ice, and I'm yelling about Prince, and I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm good, doggy. Am I going to puke? Yeah. Yeah, later.

Yeah. Am I going to cry about some shit that needs to be cried about? Probably. I needed to get real drunk today. I never hate the drunkest person at the party because I'm either that or directly on par with the two of you who would also be having that particular title.

I've never been the drunkest person at a party, but I know one of the benefits of being the drunkest person at a party is that I will eventually get you a lift home. Shaft Solomon Georgios. Several occasions. I'm going to put you in a car. Several times.

If I see you using a car. Several times. If I see you using a whole wall to support your body, I'm like, you're going to go home, and I'm going to make sure you get home. I've come up to Solomon and been like, so what's going on? And he's like, I'm getting you a lift. There's been a few parties where Solomon's got there, and you're like, you'll walk in,

and I can tell it's like your first beer for the night. You had some shows or whatever. I assure you, it's never been my first beer for the night. That's the other thing. I'm a poker-faced drunk. You have to understand, I've done just as much as you did, but I know how to do it. I don't know how it works. I can handle it pretty well.

I don't mix drugs in and I can normally handle alcohol. I mix drugs into it. I like to drink deep from the cup of life and sometimes I get a little drunk. I turn into a parade. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look, you have to comprehend that me and Ian can be in the same situation. I've done twice as much as him, and you can't tell.

At the Fourth of July party, we probably did the exact same amount of drugs. We did the exact same amount, and I also drank more. And I had to be taken care of. I heard. Yeah. Yeah. I heard. One of those.

And at that party, I haven't stopped four people from getting mad. I actually talked down four people at that party. One of the worst nights of my life. For what? Oh, that's just who I am as a person. Oh, yeah. Like, I will do just as much. And I will not be as bad. And also, one of the worst nights of your life. Now you know where you're at.

Yeah, I know my limit. It was a rough night? I just thought you got all fucked up. It wasn't actually bad, was it? You just got all fucked up. No, I was totally fine. All right. Totally fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was all right. I just had to drink a little extra water. I was all good. I was just, I was like a little too drunk, a little too stoned. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I fell off. It'll happen. Yeah. Yeah. All I'm saying here is that every once in a while it's great to just blow it out and get that kind of drunk where you're like saying what you really want to say, but people are like, oh, he's just wasted.

And you're like, no, I think you're a bitch. Sometimes I get like people get when they get judgmental, like, oh, you're drunk. Like, yeah, why aren't you? We're at a party. What are you doing? It's four o'clock in the morning. That doesn't mean I don't worry. Are you drunk? Yeah. I mean, if we were at church, I wouldn't be, but we are not

at church. We're at a barbecue. We were at a barbecue. Now it's one in the morning and we're at a party. I think that's why I never look like the drunkest person because I never hold back anything that I feel. That's the thing. All I've done is hold back. These gates are pent up. Green lights.

I've never been like, oh. I think that's what my happiness is from is everyone that I don't like knows I don't like them. Man, I got to start living that life more. I hate you guys. The biggest recipe? I hate y'all. I think that's a problem. Y'all ain't dang. Anxiety can spend the most time. I hate y'all. I think that's a problem. Y'all ain't dang.

Anxiety can be the worst ingredient in one of those nights. Yeah. You know? As much as the drugs, the alcohol, the anxiety can tip you off. Those are the worst nights I've had. I know for me personally, sometimes, man, I just got to blow it out. Just like I got to have like a night where I just howl at the moon. I get real reckless. I'm with you. I might

cry. I just gotta have like... I gotta get birthday drunk tonight. Sometimes I gotta do it. I gotta get like vacation drunk sometimes. Like by myself mostly. Like I've had nights where I'll just like like yeah just every now and again I gotta blow it out. Are those the nights that you

do laundry at four in the morning? Yeah. Yeah. Those are some of the nights. And these are the nights that never end. Because then, because sometimes you get so drunk that you're like,

I'm actually really productive. Yeah. You're like wasted, but you're like, yeah, I'm wasted, but I'm also making cheeseburgers

and doing laundry. Am I that bad? I'm in on being the drunkest guy at the party. Gotta do it sometimes. Sean Jordan, it's time for your final pick. Final pick. Fifth and final pick for me in things that are actually good, are good actually, is going to be crying.

Crying is good actually. Yeah. I think it's good. It can be, it's very cathartic. Also, I've cried out of joy quite a few times. You're a crier. It doesn't take too many cranks on the spigot to get you to. No, dude.

I've cried recently out of joy. Yeah. I cry a lot, too. Yeah. I've cried. I like to cry in my room like a real American. Yeah. See, I was working at Adam Ruins Everything in the writer's room when I got the call for

my half hour, and I was trying to hold back the tears. And then I told one of my co-workers and she just launched in joy and I immediately was like, yeah. Then you let it go. It's fun. I got that call. It was beautiful. It felt really nice to hear.

It is such a beautiful moment. Why would you ever deny yourself that? I don't know. People do. None of us in here do. But I don't know. People do. None of us in here do. But I know some dudes. People do stifle. Oh, God. I know some no crying motherfuckers.

I do too. There's a no cries one over here. I know some people. I'm not trying to give the links to this too right now. This podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the idea that I don't want to get hurt. I know no criers of all stripes.

I know like tough guy no criers or even like- I know know no criers of all stripes I know like tough guy no criers or even like I know women no criers oh yeah my family's African so I don't think

I've been in this shed a tear for a thousand years my family yeah Africans don't even it's not even it's not even not looked

it's not just looked down upon it's just like seen as like completely necessary it's not it's like why are you wearing a bow tie with a t-shirt?

It doesn't even make sense. Why are you crying? Did somebody die? Is there another war happening here? You ate food today and you're crying. It is very much that kind of thing. Yeah, Africans hate it, especially dudes. Interesting. My mom hated it.

My mom would come at me. Yeah, my mom was the same way. What are you crying for? Like, you just punched me in the back of the head. You hit me with a rock. Yeah, no crying. I'm into it. Sometimes I need it.

I'll make myself cry sometimes, too, when you can feel it's a little pent up, you know? Oh, I'd watch the right movie to keep myself in that zone. Yeah, zone music i play i have a playlist where i'm like if i hit any button on here oh yeah there's uh i would watch videos of uh people that are living a very hard life doing a reality show competition oh my god like especially if it's a singing one like oh yeah like any singing competition where somebody shows up and is like oh my life has just been very difficult up to this point all of my family died of cancer. And then I'm like, all right, this is going to be.

And then you see them start to sing and you're like, how are you not crying? How are you singing? You've been singing all this time. Give me that deaf girl hearing for the first time. Any of those BuzzFeed lists where it's like, here's things that will make you believe in humanity again? Yes, dude. Every time. I could cry right now thinking about that. i could do if we watch that you don't get nice i don't cry like tears

but i get cry blood feeling in my chest yeah i cry hand dog it's two eyes are my henny spout to the soul i get i get like that feeling in my chest, you know? Yeah. Like where you just you know you feel it. Like you know what makes me cry, or the only movie that's really done it? Beaches. Oh dude, it'll every time.

Heavy cancer. I saw it in your home state of Oregon for the first time. The Beaver State. On a road trip when I was like 11. Beaches is not an easy one. Beaches is, yeah, it's not an easy one. Beaches is tough. You ever seen that commercial

made me cry, that Cheerios commercial with an interracial family. I heard a lot about it on the internet. She was like, she gave them the Cheerios because they'd be good

for her dad's heart. I was done. I was done. I was done. That's our Cheerios. Apple commercials have been making me cry. There was done. I was done. That's heart-jerious. Apple commercials have been making me cry. There was one

that was on during the ESPYs last night that made me cry. Yeah. I like it. I like being in touch. That road trip where the grandpa just died.

I forget what it was for, but then the whole family went on the road trip without the grandpa. Oh. And the grandma was like, I just wish your grandpa was here.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I miss sunshine. That one. Oh, yeah. That grandpa was doing heroin, too. was here yeah oh my god sunshine that one oh yeah that grandpa was doing heroin too yeah yeah that's what you live in his best life he was 51 yeah crying crying it's great that song by aerosmith crying that's what i meant but you guys just didn't quite get it yeah and war oberon that's a good song oh that's even i think that's heads down one of the best songs Vocally too I'll sing along to that in the car

And there's some notes where it's like Don't even try it, that's Roy You collapse, you'll fall apart That's just Roy doing Roy Yeah, Roy, you gotta let Roy Roy You gotta let Roy Roy, dude Gotta let him Roy out Royed Ridge

Alright, so for my final pick I can't decide whether to go deep or shallow with it. Oh, man. Oh, okay. Listen to your heart. Fifth pick, I usually keep it shallow. Go shallow. Keep it shallow on the fifth pick.

So I'm going to take the thing that if anyone was going to vote for me, now they're not. Because people hate this, and I think it's good. But that's the point. There we go. The word moist. Oh, God. I don't like it either. What? Nobody likes it. You like the word moist? I like it. I like it's good. But that's the point. There we go. The word moist. Oh, God. I don't like it either. What?

Nobody likes it. You like the word moist? I like it. I like it too. It sounds fun. It's moist. What's wrong with it? It sounds sick to me.

I love it. I love it. It sounds like, it sounds infected. We need to change your bandage because it's too moist. I'm sorry about that. Oh, would you like a big slice of chocolate cake? Is it moist? You bet it is.

No, I don't. I used to. You don't want a moist chocolate cake? You want a? You better know. No, I don't. I used to. You don't want a moist chocolate cake? You want a dry ass cake? I don't want someone to tell me it's moist. What's the other thing you can say about it? They don't need to say it. There's no other word. Say he wants a chocolate cake. I'll be like, yes, and we look at each other. No.

We know that it's moist, but we don't say it's moist. Yeah, it's moist. And then I eat it and I was like, this is dang. Moist chocolate cake. Other words. I'm gonna enjoy walking up behind Sean trying to eat a cake and going, man, is that moist? I don't understand why you need to say it's moist. I don't either.

How often do you have non-moist cake? That's what I'm saying. I've had non-moist cake this month probably. I've had some dry ass cake. Yeah, dry cake? Then you say it's dry. Moist is the bar. No.

Moist is the standard. No. I don't think moist should be rewarded. I love a moist piece of cake. Your cake has to be moist. No. I want to be warned of dry cake, and I want to be directed towards moist cake. Yeah.

Gross. Send me to the moistest cake you got. I don't want wet cake. I don't like any of this. No, wet cake is weird. You sent me that moist cake. I don't like it. I just don't like it in my heart.

Moist. That sounds like a perverted screen name I don't know why people hate the word moist I'm not saying this about you two I can see in your faces how uncomfortable you are Just with the word moist being said as many times as it's been said Sunburn hurts more I believe that hating moist is the equivalent of liking bacon

Where it's like Okay yeah maybe but people went crazy with it It doesn't make any sense I think I don't like the oi sound. So you're an anti-Semite? So you're an anti-Semite? Do you have oysters? Oi!

Oi! Oi there. I like it when punk musicians say, like, oi, oi, oi. No, there's no good reason to not like the word moist. It's a fucking disgusting sounding word. It's not at all. No, it's not. Horribly disgusting. Moist., it's not horribly disgusting.

Moist. Say it slow. Moist. Oh. Come on. You don't hear that. You don't hear that. What are you saying? Say it slow and like really... You have to understand, this is like, I think this is like a cilantro thing. It tastes great and to other people, like, this tastes like soap and I'm like, I don't know

how it tastes like soap to me. I just taste soap. Now, if it was moist cilantro, no thank you. Get the cake out of here. You know what I mean? I think if you examine your heart, you want things to be moist. You're just afraid of it. It's just so weird.

It's such a reaction to people. Like, it's so moist. It's a great word. Some of the best things in life are moist. Some of the worst things in life are moist. My skin is moist right now. Moisturized. And it's one of the best things I've ever done. Does moisturizer weird people out? Or it just no actually that's not

so it's still the same sound same room riser is so much extra on it that it like adds enough to make it a different start sayingize. I don't like it. I'm sorry. Moist. Moisturize. I don't think it's the I think it's the oist. The oist? I think it's the oist and I'm fine with it. I don't hate the word hoist.

There isn't a word hoist. Hoist? Hoister. I was thinking a heist. Oh I thought you were about to. There it is! Fifth round. We were waiting. You hoist something. Yeah, I love those Diamond Hoist movies. These Diamond Hoist movies.

I haven't had a drink in three days. There's that movie where they did a bank hoist. You talk like Betty Boop. Anyway, my final word that's good, actually, is moist. If you think about it, anything... I appreciate the definition. Nothing that's been described as moist has been that bad. What about a moist wound?

First of all, who the fuck, what kind of doctor are you going to? It sounds so horrible. That is not going with like open. They're going right with moist. Dude, it's not the definition of an open moist wound. Is this the same?

No one's ever said moist wound. Like it has never been, it is not, I don't want to meet this creepy doctor you go to. You should stop going to them to begin with. Block that way on Skid Row, dude.

Dr. Moist. Never been a Dr Row, dude. Dr. Moist. Dr. Moist. That's all I'll tell you is if a wound is moist or not. He won't do anything about it. Oh, that's moist. You should go to a better doctor. He doesn't even touch it. He smells it. That's a moist wound you got there. You might want to go down to a decedus cyanide.

Moist. You pay him in bottle caps. So that's my final pick. I think that's a good pick I understand I understand why everyone hates that pick we left some good things

on the board things that are good actually Vienna sausage and Spam I like that stuff Spam I love fucking fried Musabi

oh Musabi's so good Musabi's a fucking Musabi but Vienna sausages are bad Crocs Jager Bombs was gonna go on mine Jager Bombs are bad. Crocs. Jager bombs was going to go online. Jager bombs are good, actually. Oh, Jager bombs are good. They are good.

They're the first piece of recipe of a blackout. Yeah, for sure. Blackouts also can be fun. I don't know if I want to say good. Yeah, I'd say drunks at the party. How do you think I got that? Salad, the Kardashians, network television, all good things. Kardashians almost made me.

That almost made it on there. So to go through the list, Solomon, you kicked off. You went Don't Stop Believin', Guy Fieri, Cargo Shorts, Eurodance Music, and Canadians. That's an excellent list. David, Ska, Applebee's, Natty Lights, Cheez Whiz, and being the drunkest guy in the party. That's a whole day right there. That's a day, yeah. That's like a dream day.

You just listen to Scott go to Applebee's. I should be so lucky. Sean, entourage, drinks that have alcohol in them but seem like they don't, mall Chinese food, rom-coms, and crying. I think you should just call them cocktails. I don't know what you mean. Yeah, sure. Yeah, cocktails.

You said that like you clearly had not thought about that. Yeah, sure. It's a moist cocktail. And then me, I don't think I'm going to do well this week. Sublime, not getting any play as a team. Daddy Cook, Arby's, and the word moist. Yours was spirited. Oh, man.

Mine is a hard-held climb. Mine is the velvet underground. Yours can lose at least every person with two of them. Right, right, right. There's no person. I'm the only person who likes all five of these things in the world. There's no one else. For everything, there's a red flag.

And I think if you find that person, you should marry them. I will marry them, regardless of anything. I feel like if anybody else ever does this, they will draft your picks as one of their things that people know that they love. Thank you very much. So there it is. Make sure you go to at Ian Carmel on Twitter and vote for who you thought won this week's All Fantasy Everything. And tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Sha-clackity? Sha-clackity. Shukla Gare. That was a HeadGum Podcast.