All Fantasy Everything - Things That Gross or Creep You Out (w/ Shane Torres, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Now, when you hear all the gross shit we're about to say, just remember that THE PATRONS picked this topic! Content warning: This episode is NASTY! To celebrate over 300 episode of All Fantasy Everything, the gang got together for a in-studio video podcast! Watch the video version of this episode at bit.ly/afe301   We're going on tour! Come see All Fantasy Everything live in Washington, Boston, New York and more! Find tickets at linktr.ee/allfantasyeverything.   Guest:    Shane Torres: @shanetorres IG: @shanetorres Tour dates: shaneisacomedian.com Podcast: No Accounting for Taste   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.    Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're... On today's episode, we're drafting things that creep you out. This is a very special video podcast episode.

This is really happening. Sean, take your butt out. Show him the butt. Show him cheek, dude. Show him my cheek. We're not going to get to 300 more episodes. Hang cheek, bro. If you want the video version of this episode where Sean is hanging

cheek, you can see all of our beautiful faces over at YouTube.com slash HeadGum. Joining us today to celebrate 300 episodes of All Fantasy Everything is enemy of the podcast. Mike Malloy. Mike Malloy. Shane Torres. Shane is on tour doing stand-up comedy in a city near you, whether that's Poughkeepsie, New York or just outside of Baltimore. The Goobies! I canceled that weekend to be at your

wedding. I hope you know that. You canceled it to be in a music video with me. That's right. Shadesofcomedians.com. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get drafting.

This could get bad, I won't say it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is just fucking blasting cold brew in HeadGum Studios in beautiful- Again. In beautiful Silver Lake, Los Angeles. 3-0-1. One big explosion started at the bottom. Yes, sir. Here I am to let you know.

Sir. 3-0-1. Yes, sir. We're going hard right. Yeah. Oh, that's true. I forgot about our hard right. We're going hard right. Fuck you, I forgot about our hard right fuck you Brandon we're already on our way yeah

fuck you Brandon you know what they say let's go Brandon because they're scared to say fuck you oh that's so crazy they were saying fuck Joe Biden and that turned into let's go Brandon so they could like get away with swearing it's more of a we than a they now yeah the community was saying that They were saying, fuck Joe Biden, and that turned into Let's Go Brandon, so they could get away with swearing but not swearing.

It's more of a we than a they now, I think. Yeah, the community was saying that. I didn't see any of you guys on January 6th, so I don't know what you were wasting your time doing. No, you did not. I had face paint on. That's what you wouldn't see me do. I was wearing digital camo, hanging upside down from the rafters. I was a sleeper cell working on the other side.

There it is. There it is. The state capitals. Real shit. Those got stormed, too, in a lesser way. Yeah, yeah. Nobody talks about that, though. No, dude. Shane doesn't. The state capitals. Real shit. Those got stormed, too, in a lesser way. Yeah, yeah. Nobody talks about that, though. No, dude.

Shane does in the sense. I was in Albany. We had a one-man wrecking crew. Ooh, Nick Manface here. I'll keep talking if somebody wants to go get him. Oh, I'll go get him. Yeah, all right. Super producer Marissa is in the house, by the way.

You got to get him. Yeah. I'm trying to fix your mic. Oh, is my microphone bad? Oh, no, it's good. It's just a little in the way in the wide shot And I want to see your pretty face. Yeah, we got like tables Shut it Jake our video producer. Yeah Lap table all All right.

Put it in between your legs, I think. Slide it in. Beautiful. Look at that. Look at that. It's like I'm driving a Cadillac right now. This is beautiful. It's like a Tesla.

Should we grab Nick? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This all stays in. This all stays in. Let them know how this... Goddamn video podcast. This is how it goes.

How the sausage is made. I've never been more moisturized in my entire life. You're glowing. I'm glowing. It's glowing. I'm getting married in two days. I went to a place called Face Gym, where they just like... J-I-M.

It's a guy named Jim. He just kind of gets in your face. Walk down that aisle. Yeah, he motivates you. I like... They blast you with all sorts of moisturizer. They like did like electric... Like, they shocked my face. You look dewy. I blast you with all sorts of moisture. They shocked my face. You look dewy.

I feel dewy. There's a sheen to you. He looks like Uma Thurman, right? I feel like Uma Thurman for the first time. Finally, by the way. Like post-coital Uma Thurman. Juma Thurman. Juma Thurman, dude.

I'm not going to say that. But I'm feeling it. I don't know. I don't like anybody saying that. Whatever, Chuma Thurman. Yeah, that sounds bad. I wouldn't have said it in the first 300, but here we are. Hard right.

Don't really believe in Jews. David and I went shopping today, dude. I got the shirt and these shorts and this hat. I just came with a bag because I got some stuff I got to take away from LA. So I didn't bring any clothes and then I had a bag because I got some stuff I got to take away from L.A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I didn't bring any clothes, and then I had to buy some clothes.

It's all complicated. What are you wearing to the wedding? Oh, I brought my suit. Oh, okay. I brought my suit. But it's so hot. I think I'm going to do a nampe and wear like a white T-shirt under the suit. Sleep on the floor.

What about Mike? Is it? I'm like a fucking wedding planner. Let's get to the bottom of this. Let's get to the bottom of this. Let's get to the bottom of this right now. What? Nothing? Who said?

Yeah, we can't blast her like that. Oh, sorry. We can. I don't think he did. I don't think he did. I don't think he did. No, he didn't. He didn't.

He didn't. Nobody got blasted. I'm telling everyone he did. She tried, but he didn't. Who didn't want Mike to wear a headband to the wedding? I believe. Everybody. So just everybody.

It's a fucking wedding. Good taste. It's a fucking wedding. He's a handsome guy with a beautiful head of hair. He's not that good looking. He should not... I think he's pretty attractive. Sean's all flustered. I love him.

It was not coming from me, though. Dana asked in such a way. was like is mike gonna wear a headband to our wedding after your wedding he wore axl rose to my wedding he had like a fucking bandana on so now a reasonable ask it's a reasonable it wasn't it wasn't an ask to be fair to my betrothed uh my wife by the time it was uh it would be fair it would be a reasonable tell but she was just like no she asked in such a way that the answer would i was supposed to say no and then take care of it yeah i get that and then all of a sudden you know i mentioned it to mike and then it comes up on

twitter and she's disavowing all knowledge so i don't give a fuck if mike becomes sleeveless on a fucking jet ski to my wedding no take him, no. Take him to TAS. He should wear, okay. No, he should not wear a headband. He should not wear athletic gear to your fucking wedding. What if somebody wore one of those? You would be too nice. One of those college athlete headbands, like that's a tiny one that just keeps their long hair out of their face.

Is it Nike? Then no. Does it look like he cut off the shirt of a fucking T-shirt and put it on top of his head? Will he protect this house? Yeah. Is he dropping into cover three? Is his suit made by big dogs?

Like, let's just fucking... Yeah, where does it stop? Mike, just don't wear your... Goddamn headband. He's gonna. Oh, yeah. He's gonna. No way.

Come on, I'm gonna be... That's nuts. I'm gonna be looking out over that crowd. And Liz is gonna be there looking beautiful in a lovely dress. Very appropriate.

Appropriate. Wedding clothing. Fantastic. And then there's Mike and he's gonna be beautiful in a lovely dress. Very appropriate. Appropriate. Wedding clothing. Fantastic. And then there's Mike, and he's going to be fucking wearing a headband. Fucking, yeah, wiping his hands on his pants after the buffalo wings. He's going to be eating a meatball sub during the ceremony. It's going to be 105, and he's going to be eating a meatball sub during the sandwich. Also, what do we eat?

We need to eat one. He made a meatball. He imported it. He ordered all the things. At the steakhouse? And then put the meatballs. I was too busy eating my baked potato. Now I know you're river trash.

Choose your own adventure. What are we eating at this wedding? Oh, baby. It's chicken or fish. I chose fish. Yeah, or veggie, which is gnocchi. But whatever you picked. Okay.

And then there's past apps, which I could look up and tell you. I'm excited for this one. Are we picking you up in a chair. Oh, yeah I think I might be I'm not Well ladies if you want to find out I don't know. That's a... Well, ladies, if you want to find out... It's the two of you. It's the two of you.

David's probably got a broader shoulder base. What was that movie that Mike and Dave need wedding dates? Yeah, that's awesome. Something like that. Yeah, Shane and Dave need... Oh, we're fine. Wedding dates. We're doing okay.

We talked about it. We're doing just fine. They'll be unattached to young women at this wedding. I'm not trying to attach them. Yeah. Like a JPEG. She's trying to get attached. Shout out to E40.

And with E40 from one of those Sprite BET Awards freestyles. I always click don't include attachments. I minimize. Shauna Jordan is here in, again, beautiful HeadGum Studios in scenic Silver Lake,

Los Angeles. Right across from the old out-of-business pudding store, which is not a euphemism. There's an out-of-business pudding store across the street. When your butt doesn't work anymore? That's John's dick. John's dick is the

out-of-business pudding store, dude. Gross. Yeah, I shut it down. Fun riff. We're hydrated. You could. We wouldn't judge you if you jizzed pudding. I know, because you're a really good friend. gross yeah I shut it down fun riff we're hydrated you could we wouldn't judge you if you just put it

I know because you're really good friends and I like all of you and I'm thrilled about this yeah some it's different viscosities for different people

that's not you know yeah try not to touch me anymore during this but yeah don't shake your head Marissa you know that's true Sean S. Jordan on Twitter

Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram Sean Joying a Modelo I sure am yeah yeah I'm not the one getting marriedar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean joying a Modelo. I sure am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not the one getting married. No, no, sir. No.

I'll be Sean joying some, probably not Modelos, but some Bevis on the wedding day itself. Yeah, I'm going to get loose. Yeah. We better. I'm trying to make money on that open bar. Yeah, I understand. I'm trying to get that back. I got to get a new shirt, though.

I brought a long sleeve. This is going to be 108, so I'm going to go hot. Try to get like a... Dude, just like a white... Nampe, who I don't know, he's just hanging outside in the hallway or getting food. He can come in and hang

if he wants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can, I think, it's probably not okay to bring a changed shirt, but like long sleeve for the ceremony and then like...

You want to bring a towel? We have a lot of yamakas you can dab in sweat with. The towel's not going to... Yeah. Yeah, also... I just don't want my nips blessed.

Nampay got me an army surplus white t-shirt and I've worn it under suit jackets and it looks great. That's what I'm thinking. I'll get some new white sneakers tomorrow or something. I think that's a look. Come to Faded at the end of September.

September 29th we have Andrew Orofo is going to be in town. Garofalo. Garofalo. God, I always fuck it up. Janine Garofalo. Janine Garofalo. Yeah, come to Faded, Devendo.

Huh? Nothing. God damn it. Come to Faded. It's going to be dope. And then the very next day, we will be at the DC Improv. We will. I'm taking a red eye.

Doing stand-up comedy. Yeah. Triple co-headlining. Try, try. Friday and Saturday. Live AFE on Sunday. Somebody might be flying in from Chicago that Sunday. Really?

It's my birthday weekend. My flight got moved from 10pm to 6pm, so I don't know how long I'm going to do. If you want to do intense meet and greets or hang out with us, Friday and Saturday are going to be your best options. Your flight is at 6pm on Sunday? That's the earliest flight out on

or the latest flight out on Sunday. Fuck, I have not bought tickets. Mine's right around the same time. Shit, I might just stay until Monday. You should, dude. That'd be fun. Shane, get a little mumbo sauce, set some JPEGs.

Go to Ben's Chili Bowl. Yeah. Get diarrhea. Out of business mumbo sauce story. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. That's me. Not on Twitter. Never again. You blew it. Nick Nampe, who's in the Instagram. That's me. Not on Twitter. Never again.

You blew it. Nick Nampe, who's in the studio, not on Mike, is on Twitter, at and Nampe, if anybody wants to follow him. Yeah, send all my tweets his way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nick, do you want to say hi on camera? Do you want to go on camera and say hi? Let's give a little wave.

There he is. There he is. There he is. There he is. It's on YouTube, Nick. Dave, what do you got going on? September, you know, high plains. And then September 15th, I'm at the Elysian doing my hour.

I come in at like 3 p.m. I'm excited. Marissa's coming. I'll be there, too. I'm going to come, too. I'm going to be in town. I'm going to come. And then I leave at like the next morning to go to Faded Denver, where Langston Kerman is headlining. And then I go to D.C. And then where do we go after? Don't we have morning to go to Faded Denver where Langston Kerman is headlining

and then I go to D.C. and then where do we go after? Don't we have some week after D.C.? Then Minneapolis. We just got an email. There's like 50 tickets left. Oh, yeah. Get in on it because it's going to be cold. We're going to go fucking...

I've decided I'm going nuts for that show. Just much like the last time. Things are going to get out of hand at a live show? I will not have a single drink beforehand. But during the course of it, I think I'm going to have some fun. Yeah. Go nuts. Yeah, me too.

I love it. It's my favorite city in the whole world. I probably won't, but I'm saying that to move these tickets. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll keep it actually pretty staid. Maybe some Catholic prayer halfway through it. Sure.

I plan to take a poop in the middle. Whatever doing a poop right. I'm no longer denying myself on stage. If I got a poop, I'm going poop. If you have to poop, you should poop. Sometimes I would hold it because I felt like harnessing that power. You could like tap into the poop? Yeah, like to get me over the line.

Yeah. But not anymore. Yeah. So, you know, come see that. Come see me shit my pants at the Elysian. Low ticket alert. Low ticket alert, dude.

Low ticket alert. I'm going to shit my pants at the Elysian. Shane Torres is here. Add Shane Torres on Twitter. Add Shane Torres on Instagram. Shane Torres is a comedian.com for dates. Shane is a comedian.com.

Shane Torres. Comedy. Mixed is a comedian.com for dates. Shane is a comedian.com. Shane Torres. Comedy. Mixedmartialarts.net. Yeah, Shane is a comedian.com. I have the podcast No Accounting for Taste with Kyle Kinane. On the All Things Comedy Network. I don't know if that's allowed.

Y'all are doing a live one at High Plains. We're doing a live one at High Plains. We're doing a live one at the Fest in Gainesville. By the way, at High Plains we We're doing a live one at High Plains. We're doing a live one at the Fest in Gainesville. By the way, at High Plains, we're on a show where we get tore up and David judges it.

Is that right? I don't know. That's never happened. What a new format. I have to come with my plucks. I'll just continue to do what I've been doing the last...

The only difference now is David's actually just attaching a score. Allowing an attachment. Yeah. So, yeah. And then I'm still getting my bugs in. And then I'm on tour through the rest of the year every weekend. Love it.

Yeah. So I will be tired. Go see him at the Des Moines Funny Bone. I will be in Des Moines. That weird couple that tried to three-way me and Becky Robinson, come out three-way him. That was a couple. It was a wild scene.

Yeah, the numbers are off. Yeah, that would be a four-way. Oh, I would go home. I don't think that they were... I think I was just also there. A couple like that, I feel like you go condo more than you go home. Yeah.

Oh, it's a condo. Yeah. Those guys live in a condo. That's a leather couch. Yeah. That's a big fish tank. It's a leather second candle. It looks like a pilot episode of a sitcom where they've built out the apartment, but it's

clearly just a few things to make it look like an apartment. There's no... Yeah. Yeah. That's what that condo looks like. There's like no pictures of their family, but there is... Nothing you can't leave behind in 30 seconds if you feel the heat coming around the corner. That's condo life.

That's condo life. I'm moving into a condo downtown as we speak. Are you moving into a condo? Yeah, I didn't know this either. What? I'm moving. I'm going crazy. You're moving into a condo in downtown Denver?

Yeah, I didn't buy it. I'm just renting it off a guy. That's sexy. It's pretty cool. You're about to enter ao in downtown Denver? Yeah, I didn't buy it. I'm just renting it off a guy. That's sexy. It's pretty cool. You're about to enter a very sexy era of your life, I feel like. It's got a big deck. Yeah. It does.

It has a huge deck. I believe that. I've put all my couches on it. Are you going to smash on that big deck? Yeah, thick deck. I've only been on it once. All right. Mr. Thick Deck.

I asked if you're going to smash on that big deck. I'm not going to. Listen, don't worry about what I'm going to do and not do on my big, giant deck. I do worry about it, man. I'm worried. You'll see it in a few days. Don't worry. Nick Nampay's a homeowner.

My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Rabbi at My Wedding in Two Days app. Wait a minute. You're Jewish? 100% on bar mitzvah and everything. It's been a while. Wow. We're back in the studio and we're bringing out all the old hits.

It's that kind of podcast. Also, do we get to keep with a keeper? You get to keep with a keeper. That's a little party favor and it's not the only one. There'll be others. We have Yarmulkes that we're going to wear, correct? Huh? AirPods?

No AirPods. Okay. If you need some AirPods, I got an extra pair. You got all your guests PlayStation 5? This is the best wedding I've ever been to. There's a gift suite. There's one of those movie masks you can put on. Like an hour and a sensory deprivation tape. Yeah, like a three.

I got to go. Somebody gave me. Corden, it must have been. Not somebody. Like gave me his Grammys gift bag once. Really? And they were just like five days at a resort in Bali. But you had to get to Bali.

And I was like, well, so that. That feels worthless. No, that feels worthless. No, yeah Bali, but you had to get to Bali? And I was like, well, so this is worthless. No, that feels worthless. No, yeah. What's it cost to get to Bali? 800 bucks? I don't know. I think it costs more than that to get to Bali. I'll see you on that.

To get the way you want to get. To get the way you want to get to Bali. If I'm an asshole, I say Bali. Is it Bali? Oh, Bali's total fitness. Yeah, I'm talking about Bali. Ibiza. Ibiza.

Sure. All right. Ibiza. Sure. I've always fucked it up. The DC Improv. September 30th, September 31st, October 1st, unless there's no September 31st and then also October 2nd. There's a September 31st. We're those three days. Doing stand-up comedy, the three of us, Friday and Saturday.

Tickets still available. The live AFV is sold out. Yeah. Oh, Portland too. Oh, yeah. Portland too. None of us said Portland dance. Yeah, November 20th. November 20th, live AFE is sold out. Yeah. Oh, Portland too. Oh yeah, Portland too. None of us said Portland dance. Yeah, November 20th.

November 20th, live AFE. November 18th, stand-up comedy. I'm doing it. If you guys are there, please join me on stage. I'll be there and I won't be doing it. At Revolution Hall. We have to go to Boston.

At some point. We get to go to Boston. We get to go to Boston. We're going to Boston. I'm going to have a lobster again. The Portland tickets, we're going to be at Revolution Hall on the 20th doing AFE, doing stand-up on the 18th. Those will go on advanced sale for the Patreon. So on our Patreon, those are dropping early, 24 hours, 12 hours early.

You will have an opportunity to get those tickets. Every time we do Portland, it seems to sell out pretty quick. So if you're on the Patreon Patreon if you're a patron of us you'll have a chance at them first if not they may be sold out if so

we'll try to add another show but we'll see we'll see what happens either way it's going to be great to see everybody it'll be dank we'll also be at the

10,000 Laughs Comedy Festival October 7th and 8th that's a fun time 7th, 8th, and 9th I think the show's on October 7th the AFP and then Phoenix sometime in November 11th and 12th we're also in Phoenix 11th, 8th, and 9th, I think. The show's on October 7th, the AFP. And then Phoenix sometime in November.

Oh, we're also in Phoenix. 11th and 12th. We're all going to list. Just go to the, you know, go see what the internet has to say about it. Shakespeare's. We all hear. You guys are just like, whoa. You're like going forwards and backwards.

You're not even listing them in order. You're like, we have to go to Boston, but then we're going to be in Phoenix in November. We're going to be in Boston and Brooklyn around the holidays. 16th, 17th. 16th, 17th. 16th, 17th. Of December. Something like that. David's throwing up the horns.

Brooklyn and Boston. Yeah. Bang, bang. There you go. We're out there. Yeah. Having a great time. We're gathered here today not only to throw the horns, but also to do that.

To fucking hook them. I like the shock. What is this? Shaka. I like this one. Shaka Brada. But also to fantasy draft things that creep you out. I thought it was gross you out.

Is it creep you out? I don't know the difference. It's not creepy you out. Give you the creeps. Give you the ick, as the old Gen Z is saying. I went with gross, so. We're going gross, creep, creepy gross grosses. It's all the same.

And gross and creepy. It's the difference. Creepy gross. Okay. We'll get there. What's important is we're together. I don't know how. I just don't want to go first.

Are those the Mars Yard. What are the? The GPS. The GPS. General purpose shoe. Who's the guy again? Tom? Tom Sachs, dude.

Do you want to show the shoes on camera? Give us a little shoe on the table. Yeah. Let's not show off our shoes. Yeah, those sweet, meaty legs up there. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that.

Hyper's can. Oh, yeah. Look at that. Jesus. That's not bad! Oh, yeah! Look at that Khyber's cast. Oh, yeah. Look at that. Jesus, that's not bad. Oh, yeah. It's like you chiseled that out of granite. Elongated.

Those are homeowner cast, dude. for the mixed meat. I put on so much lotion because we're getting paid. Oh, yeah. They're going to

lotion us up again. Oh, yeah. You just look like you're jacking off elephants. You're jacking off a whale dick. I'm wearing the Trailblazing Reeboks.

Shout out to Trailblazer. They're going to lotion us up. Now, the way we're determining the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Oh, my God. And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Whoa. Natural rock. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Damn. Sean Jordan wins a scissor. Out here. Against two rocks in case you're just listening via the audio app in case you're just

listening Sean Jordan as the winner of rock paper scissors and coming up on you that will remind you of serpentine draft what is that

great question let's say you got two beers let's say you got two beers just before just what time is it 2.30

you take a drink of the no it's not beer time take a drink of the Modelo okay this only works because you guys added the video element Well, that's why I'm doing it, Shane No, that's not why you're doing it

Because you have a problem See, now that was funny, Nick You're not laughing, what's going on? Are you in a bad mood? I'll do the And then you take a bad mood? I'll do the full-time radio sound effects. And then you take a drink of the Miller Lite.

No accounting for taste here. But before you go back to the Modelo, you take another drink of the Miller Lite. I'm judging it because I'm getting ready for next week.

Then you go back to the Modelo. Then you blow someone. Basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round. You pick first in the second round. Now, Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? The natural curve, baby. Me, Shane, David, you.

Beautiful. Shane. David, Lori. I've never seen this live. Hot corner there. Yeah, normally I could, you. Beautiful. Shane. David Borey. I've never seen this live. Hot corner. Yeah, normally I could never actually see it. Dude, I'll tell you, that is hard to remember to do. The few times I've hosted, it's hard to do that.

Well, I'm marrying someone who went to Brown, so for me it's not really that tough. And you have two beers. She graduated from Doo-Doo Brown. Is that what you say when you're going to go take a dump? Yeah. I'm going to Brown. I declare my intention to go to Brown real quick, just like you did. That's not funny.

I just say I'm going to empty my butt. You know, marriage is different. Yeah. I don't poop. So, so alone. I am. Tell me about the first pick and think of the creepy outgross you out All Fantasy Everything draft.

We're going to get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing. Just go to a brand new country.

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The only podcast that has ever existed. This is it. Uh huh. WTF with Mark Maron. That's us doing an impression. That's what I say.. WTF with Marc Maron? That's us. Who the fuck? Doing an impression. That's what I say. Who the fuck is Marc Maron? Yeah.

I listened to that one you told me to listen to. It's good, right? It's very interesting. That's David doing a Marc Maron impression and then a rotating cast. I got these cats at this ranch. Yeah. Yeah. You ever yell at women?

That's fucking Marc Maron. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. The other video element they'll be able to see. Yeah. The Daily? That's us. Every morning. Yeah. The other video element they'll be able to see. Yeah. The Daily. That's us.

Every morning. We wake up. Zeitgeist. Yeah. JRE. No, I don't want to go. All that. All that's us.

Yeah. The Fighter and The Kid. I'm The Kid, dude. I'm The Kid. No, we don't want him. I have bad opinions. Are we The Nine Club? Can we be The Nine Club?

We can be The Nine Club, too. We can be The Ten Club, baby. The Megan Markle's new podcast. Yeah. We're the Obamas overall at Spotify. Bruce Springsteen and Obama together. Yeah. They just are talking about it.

Here's the thing. Bruce has a cool rocking daddy. Is that how he talks? I mean, I can't do an Obama. Is it called? I thought that was Bruce. Bruce is like... Does he talk like it's born to run?

Nah, man, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is it called Obasma? He's a... Come on. What are we doing? What are we doing? Come on.

I don't know anymore. Come on. All right. Come on. I'll tell you what won't happen is dynamic pricing on tickets for the All Fantasy Everything show. No, sir. I like Bruce Springsteen. They're going up. They're locked in. Come on. I'll tell you what won't happen is dynamic pricing on tickets for the All Fantasy Everything shows. No, sir. No, sir.

Those are locked in. They're going up. Locked in. If anything. Get them on SeatGeek. Sean Jordan, you have the first pick in the things that whatever we determine this to be, All Fantasy Everything draft. What would that pick be?

Soup. It's disgusting. It grosses me out. What? Grosses me out. Always has. Soup? Always has.

I had never seen him drink it. Yeah. Always has. I like it. Grosses me out. Creeps me out. Oh, that's. I don never seen him drink it. Always has. I like it. Grosses me out. Creeps me out. I don't like it when it dribbles into my chin. I don't like getting it in my hair, in my beard or anything. I hate it.

It's so gross to me. I don't like watching people eat it. You don't like watching people eat soup? Yeah, I don't like it. Is it the slurping sound? Uh-huh. A big part of it. I just don't like it. Do you ever watch dogs drink from bowls? Don't... Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

You know how their tongue goes... It's very exciting. It's pretty cool. No, I just... What about a bread bowl? And I dip. I'm a big, you know, a tortilla man. So, like, dipping a tortilla in a loose soup,

and then it's all dribbly, I can't stand it. Gross. But you still slam it into that Alfredo sauce anyways. That's fucking crazy. Alfredo sauce. It's also... You're disgusting into that Alfredo sauce anyways. That's fucking crazy. It's also, you're disgusting. And Alfredo, holy fuck. Shut the fuck up. Fuck you, soup.

Mister, my whole butt is on the couch most of the time. You know what I'm talking about. What are you talking about? Because you just called me gross. Your bare ass is what he means. That's not soup. Yeah, yeah. Put a little pepper in there.

That's a nice gumbo. There was a... Oh, God. An old football sauce truck, if that's a thing, just bit the dust on the freeway a couple days ago and I got tagged about a hundred times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you were by the FBI in all this. Yeah. I think you're a person of interest in an ongoing investigation. You have like soup. Yeah, it creeps me out. What about Soup Carmel?

Shout out to her. Love her. Yeah. Yeah, she's fantastic. But you like it to eat. I do like it. Yeah, it creeps me out. What about Soup Carmel? Shout out to her. Love her. Yeah, she's fantastic. But you like it to eat. I do like it. Yeah. You like to eat soup, but what...

Is it a physical property? Is it... It's just gross to me. I'm trying to tell you. It dribbles onto my chin. Sean's not the only one who's eaten something that is gross to him.

No, I think it's... I think what you're saying is gross to you. You've all been there. What? Shane, don't talk like that is gross to him. I think what you're saying gross to you. You've all been there. Shane, don't talk like that. I missed what you said, but I'm sure I didn't. Groceries. What is the grossest kind of soup in your opinion?

Is it corn chowder? It's a viscosity thing. It's a thickness issue. The runnier the soup, the creepier it is. The runnier the soup, the creepier. I like it more. Then we, the creepier it is. Oh, the runnier the soup, the creepier. I like it more. What is your favorite soup? Then we're getting into stew, kind of.

We're calling this all... So hold on. You're fine with stew, though? Stew's less gross. I feel like you're coming at me a little bit. Yeah. I don't feel it. Recognize it.

Your hand's in my bubble. Everybody can see it. His hand's in my bubble. Who gives a fuck? My hand's in your soup bowl. I... Scooping it up. You're not about? My hand's in your soup bowl. Scooping it up.

You're not about to tell us that you're fine with stew and not with soup. What if I was about to tell you that? It's fucking insane. The shislakity has been having an ongoing conversation where apparently everything is soup. Oh, I hate this story. I read about it. Because it turns into soup

and you're like, everything is soup. Any food with hate this theory. I read about it. It turns into soup. Any food with any moisture. I was in there the other day and they were just talking about how everything is soup. Melted ice cream is soup. There's this theory out there that all foods are either soup, salad, sandwich, or one other thing. Okay. Corn is technically

a soup. A salad? Because it's curdling. Someone bring me a bowl of corn. Corn is a soup? Yeah, because it's curdled. Can you imagine someone bringing you a bowl of corn? Corn as a soup? Yeah, my friend Jordan, I can... Oh, you know him, Jordan. He lives in North Carolina. He does that podcast with Spencer Bland.

Michael? Yeah, I do know him. Jordan Scott Huggins. He lives in North Carolina? Shane, you keep touching my bare skin. Why are you so angry? What's so weird about you? You guys aren't touching each other?

I'm not a fucking can of... Get off. Why are you so angry? That's weird for you. No, but it's... You guys aren't touching each other? I'm not a fucking can of... Get off. Why is this so weird? This is fine. Because he just keeps... I'm laughing. He just keeps dangling onto my arm. Okay, I get it.

I'll be more mindful. I don't like it when you touch me. Also, do you like stew and not soup? Is that what you're about to tell us? I like soup. It just creeps me out. You get the question I'm asking you. Don't make me rephrase it a bunch of times.

You used to walk around with a can of soup in your backpack. No, stew doesn't creep me out. That's fucking insane. That was in case a fight jumped out. I used to walk around with what? I used to walk around with what? Soup in your backpack. I did.

Those cans of chunky shit. Now, I can see cold cream of mushroom coming out of a can kind of creeps me out. Yeah. I mean at all. Oh, when it's like concentrated. Yeah, just the cranberry. I mean, you know, so I feel like this is safe too, but like an au jus

creeps me out a little bit. Careful, careful. Okay, sorry. But I mean that's the vibe I'm saying. I zip. Oh, juice. Sure, sorry. But I mean, that's the vibe I'm saying, where it's like, I zip. Oh, juice. Sure. I was going to say, how juice you do.

How juice you do. Oh. How juice you do. How juice you do. Yeah, soup. All right. It's like Shades of the Philly show happening here. That was crazy.

Fucking. My first one is weird, too. It's fine. Mine are all weird. Well, we're going to hear your first weird one now. Shane, this is your first pick, and the things that kind of gross or creep you out. The backs of too. It's fine. Mine are all weird. Well, we're going to hear your first weird one now. Shane, this is your first pick. Are there things that are kind of gross or creep you out? The backs of knees.

They're disgusting. They're so sweaty. Yeah. It's really gross. Unless they're nampes. Those are fucking wrong. You ought to loop one up. Get in there intimately. You can make one to the back to an epit.

Do not. Do not do that. You can make one to the back. I E-pit. Do not. Do not do that. You can make fun of me. I'm like, I'm giving you one warning and that's all you're fucking getting. See, now this is where you want to poke the...

I saw this happen to Zach one time. Zach likes, you go say one more word and he's just like, he didn't say anything. So I was sitting there, I was like, Shane's going to beat your ass

if you say one more word. I was boxing with him all weekend. He's a pretty good fighter right now. I wouldn't want to fight Shane Torres. The back's in the east. There's a moisture to him that is disgusting. Don't you want to hook him? I want to hook him. Bring him in. It's called sex.

Hook him. You want to have sex? Oh, David. And other things. Bonk handles. I just don't. Bonk handles. Bonk handles. I just don't. Bonk handles. You know how like, I like, bonk handles.

The bonk handles. The bonk handles? Yeah. When you're bonking, you need a handle. You pull them in. Bonking? Bonking.

You'll be married in two days. Yeah, but not yet. Yeah, that's how we got it. Talking like that. You don't know what bonking feels like. I just think like, you know like, when you're like, some people are like, they're in defeat, and you're like that. You don't know what bonking feels like. I just think, you know, like, some people are like, they're in defeat, and you're like, ugh, I don't get that.

But, like, you're like, I think that I've never met anyone who's been like, that's a thing I'm in. The back of the knee is the armpit of the leg. How much for you to eat soup off the back of my knee right now? Oh, like, out of the bottom. Oh, like, I'm bending over and the bottom. If I got on my belly

and made a little soup bowl out of the backs of my knees. Oh my god. I would straight up give you $200. Would you do that for $200? That sounds so gross. That's going behind the paywall. I don't know what it's a metaphor for.

That's going on OnlyFans. That'll be our only post on OnlyFans. Why don't you go eat soup off the back of his knee? Gross. That does sound like a hard punishment. That's a prison sex thing, I think. Do you think it's because you can never see the back of your own knee? That it's a land of mystery and you're afraid of it?

I can see it. You can show me mine or Whoopi Goldberg's. I wouldn't know the difference. Me either. Now, Shane, later when I touch, I'm going to touch your hand at some point. Know that I was doing this. God, man. Is there Purell in here?

And I'm not joking. That's chemical warfare. This is going to be fucked up. Shane's going to beat the shit out of Sean. I know. It's going to be weird. It's going to be on video and he'll see I was antagonized. Yeah, Ian and Dana got married, but Shane and Sean really fought.

Yeah. Then they got married. I mean, one of you has been fighting a lot recently. The other one is Sean, so I'm worried. Yeah, well, we're not going to fight. I would never raise my hand in anger. If anything, you're going to beat the shit out of me. Yes, I am.

So my first thing back to me is probably after we get eaten up on that chair. Can I touch you with my knee hand? Yeah, can we all take a spin on the chair? No, that's not how it works. Can it work that way? I think we get eaten up on that chair. That's when you take them out. Yeah, can we all take a spin on the chair? No, that's not how it works. Can it work that way? I think we get forced out men under it. And forced out men under Dana.

You can't take his Nagila Hava shine. What is it called getting surfed around on the chair? I'll put you up on the chair. There it is. Toss it right out the window. What is it called? What's the name of it? The horror. Off the boat. Off the boat, dude. Cake off the boat. Sean off out the window. What is it called? What's the name of it? The horror.

Off the boat. Off the boat, dude. Cake off the boat. Sean off the fucking window. Who did that? The horror. James Harden. James Harden.

Yeah. You see that? He just tossed his birthday cake off the side of a yacht. No, that's awesome. Such a gangster move. This is great. Fucking landed on a dolphin. He's losing weight.

You know, he's going into the season. It's a new Slimmer Harden. What's he gonna do with cake? Yeah, James Harden and the Beard Club, one of my sponsors on my podcast, which actually does exist. No, you can't know. What's going on? We have our own sponsors.

We're going nuts, guys. We need to get back on. If you use the Beard Club, I'm going to come to your house and I'm going to fucking lock the doors and set it on fire. Lock the gates. Lock the gates on these fuckwads. Yeah, dude. Is that what he says?

You eat shit off the back of your knee. All right. That's gross. David Borey, time for your first pick. Wet jewelry. Oh. I was going to say jewelry.

It really grosses me out. I don't know how to explain it. Okay, yeah. But like wet, like a wet chain or a bracelet or earrings. It's disgusting.

It's so gross. The idea of wet pearls makes me want to vomit. Because no, it's not water. No, no, I was talking about water. What are you talking about? No, no, with the moisture on the wet jewelry is what I to vomit. No, it's not water. No, I'm talking about water. With the moisture on the wet jewelry.

You know, it's always something disgusting. It doesn't even matter. Even like at the pool, if somebody has a chain, something about it just really freaks me out. It's visceral. Interesting. Lawrence Taylor's wet earrings. I hate it. I don't like wet

metal much in general, but specifically wet jewelry, like dangly wet jewelry. Oh, it's so gross. You were in a wet metal band, right? Yeah. Yeah. You scream corner. What are like puka shell necklaces and that stuff?

Because it's not metal. It's still kind of gross. He's out here camping for the puka shells again. Yeah. I was not. But yeah. It's a man of a gender. It has like a kind of like

island vibe to it or whatever. I guess it's like metal jeweler pearls, metal jewelry, turquoise style jewelry, shell style jewelry. Well the shells are closer to water so it looks like they're supposed to be wet.

But like yeah, wet earrings, it grosses, I don't know how to explain it. That is, I've never heard that before. I've never encountered it. I've never, this is the first time I've ever talked about it out loud. Yeah. But when we did this, it was like. We appreciate you sharing.

If I have to, yeah, if I'm going to tell you. It just, it does. It really bothers me. It's a bummer because wearing a chain in a pool is a great feeling. I know. Yeah. You don't think that I've. No.

Like walking out of a pool glistening. Mercer. It's don't think that I've... Walking out of a pool, glistening? It's off the table. I was just going to straight up take jewelry. A man with jewelry coming out of a pool, yes or no? I understand that, yeah, it does feel cool in water when it's floating around, but I'm not against it. I like it. Okay, okay. What was this jewelry in general?

All of it. It all creeps me out. It grosses you out? Yeah. It's hard to keep this wedding ring on. Really? I bet it is. All these ladies trying to tear it off all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what's happening. Yeah. I don't have much reasoning for it. It's just how I feel. I get the wet jewelry. I take it off to shower.

I get it. I'm not wearing any right now, but when I am, it always comes off to shower. I've never had any jewelry that didn't leave a green stain on my body. What if you just dip a jewelry... I'm also clearly not a jewelry guy. We know about the necklace we've talked about. Okay, that was a specific necklace. I think if you wore the right one,

you'd look great. I thought I looked great then. What if you dip jewelry in a bowl of soup? Is that pretty good? Dip your jewelry in my soup bowl and it's just the back of a knee. And then just drape it on my knees? Dude, I hate this.

You know what it is. I wish we didn't do this anymore. I like this, dude. I hate this. Dip your jewelry in the back of my soup bowl. Oh, Shane Torres. I got words. If we're staying in the wet world,

it's time for my first pick. I'm going to take body hair in a bathtub. Oh, that shit is fucking foul. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it off the wall. I fucking hate it. Get it off the wall. Just like a splatter.

It could be head hair, body hair, but especially where you're like, that's fucking pubic hair. On soap, in a bathtub, around the drain. Yeah. Just in there. It's very like, it's the, yeah, because you're there to be clean. Yeah. And it's just like,

you can't feel clean with that shit around you. The whole shower is compromised. It's like finding a bug in a room, like a listening device, you know what I mean? It's like,

we had to fucking wash the whole thing. Bleach. It's the same feeling of like sending your plate back when there's a hair in it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Except that is less disgusting. Hair on my food at a restaurant is less disgusting than hair in a bathtub. I just take it out in a restaurant. I really don't give a fuck. I would rather a dismembered finger be on a sandwich than a hair.

It's a better story. Yeah. For sure. I'm listening harder to that. And I'll say, I don't like seeing my own body hair waving like a kelp forest when I'm in a bath. In the water. Yeah. I don't like it. Interesting. It's like a kelp forest when I'm in a bath. In the water. I don't like it.

It's weird. It weirds me out. Get down. I'm well-versed. I'm a bath man. You're a bath man in a body hair. What I do like is watching a bad dude float. That's kind of fun. Yeah, that is cool. There's no doubt there.

They haven't built a bathtub really big enough for my bad dude to float float. You gotta keep your dick out of the bathtub when you take a bath, right? I've heard that. You have like a shelf? I gotta wash it separately. It's like one of those machines that puts people in a swimming pool at a hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He teabags it. Just for your donk nog?

Donk, donk knob? That big donk and fork, dude. It's just like a nice canopy that he places his bad dude in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when they're lowering a horse from a helicopter. Yeah, it's a mash. It's kind of like a...

Like if you're airlifting an Operation Dumbo drop? I didn't touch you. You ran your leg across me. I don't want this. Nobody wants to touch you. Are you guys going to bonk? Whoa, that would be crazy. Yeah, your bonk handle.

People bonk. If you can handle my bomb candles then let's go you said they gross you out potty hair in a bath i hate it also it's hard to get off the wall yeah you need like a you need a towel or something yeah yeah i hate it i That's a good one. That one gets me. Okay, my second pick, Sean saying, how much to eat soup out of the back of my neck? That's very reasonable.

I didn't know I was going to take it. I didn't know that grossed me out as much as it did. I still haven't got a number. It quickly became a number one pick. Yeah, when you said it, I was like, oh no. That grosses me out. I got all cold. But how much though, for real? I wouldn't do it.

I'm fine. First of all, there's no way you have $50,000. This is a real scenario. If it's not a real scenario, then I'm not eating fucking fake soup off the back of your fucking leg. Who's the sponsor this week?

Who's the sponsor this week? I hope it's soup. this week? fake scenario. Who's our sponsor this week? Give me a minute. Okay, I want to see. I hope it's soup. But they're a bread bowl. Yeah. If one of our good sponsors put up $50,000

for you to eat soup out of the back of Sean's knee, would you do it? Yeah. I get some of it. No. It wouldn't be enjoyable to me to have soup eaten

out of the back of my knees. No. I would not love it. You're helping a friend. You would. It would feel good. Hey, this is fun. So our two sponsors starting to run this week are Keeps and Magic Spoon, the cereal company.

Whoa. Yeah. Keeps and Magic Spoon each put up $25,000. Keeps and Magic Spoon in the back of his kneecap. Keep it in there. I wouldn't do it. Keeps did. I get it.

I wouldn't do it. But I'm the kind of person who has hurt himself by denying, just by sticking to his word plenty of times in his life. Who are you telling, brother? I'm a prideful man. Yeah. Yeah. Is that really your second pick?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're so gross. Absolutely. I don't know if you were just, yeah. No, I think we all know why it's disgusting. Disgusting. Yeah, yeah.

David Boyd, time for your second pick. I'm going to get off my list. The smell of someone else's fresh vomit. Oh. It's like. I was wondering if we were going to get like normal. It doesn't matter who it is. Yeah.

Every time I'm ever, it's always like, oh, God. Yeah. When you picked on the street, I almost went. Just because I was standing by you. Well, because part of it hit you, too, which I'm still sorry about. I don't want to talk about it. I still apologize. The noise, dude.

The slap. It hit you right on the... Right here. Did we tell about San Diego? What about San Diego? When we left the restaurant on the way to the shoot. Oh! Yeah, you can tell them.

So, David, we ate at a restaurant before the shoot. This was crazy. As soon as we got outside, I guess David had food poisoning or something because he got sick. And he had to throw up right next to the parking garage. And David was like, throwing up. It was a lot. It was everything we had just had. And this homeless guy just came up in the middle of it.

He was like, you guys got any change? Oh, no. He's like, hey, buddy, got a quarter? It was wild. Fucking read the room, man. It was a lot of vomit. It was a lot. I think it was.

We had a great night. Yeah, other than that, what kind of food was it? I had just a chicken sandwich. Wow. And then you continued. Oh, we got lumpia, but I don't think that did it. That wasn't it. And then you just continued throughout the night?

Yeah. It was like he was fine. We finished. We finished. I went outside. Shane took a piss. And I went outside and I was like, oh, my. It just came all of a sudden.

And I was like, I don't want to puke up right in front of this restaurant. So I went around the corner and Shane met me. And I was like, dude, I think I'm going to. No, no, no, I'm good. And we started walking. And then we got around the corner and I just me and I was like, dude, I think I'm going to – no, no, no, I'm good. And we started walking and then we got like around the corner and I just like – That feeling when it's right here? Yeah, and it just gave it all away. God, it feels good though to get it out.

Yeah, it gave it all away. It was weird because like right after you were pretty – like by the time we got up the elevator to the car, you were like, I feel pretty good. Yeah, it was very strange. But that was my own brew. I was fine with it. Yeah, of course. Someone else is yamming. I can't. I feel pretty good. Yeah, it was very strange. But that was my own brew. I was fine with it. Someone else's, yeah, man, I can't. I ain't going. That bright, terrible smell.

It's so visceral. It doesn't smell like anything else. You always know it's barf. All of Bourbon Street smells like that. New Orleans. The entire street smells like barf. You know what I almost hate more is the smell of that mixed with like like, Fabuloso. Oh, yeah.

Like when they try to, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Fabuloso is the drink that you think looks dank, right? The shit that you would drink? Or the detergent that looks. Yeah, it looks like a drink. Yeah, it does look like a drink.

It looks delicious. I never had it. We never had it around the crib when I was a kid. What were you used to doing in the back of your knees after dinner? The sound of barf hitting the back of my knees. Oh. Oh, God. we have stuff to do we don't work right now dude it's it's gross stuff it's fun that's my pick yeah that smells somebody let me tell you this i love all of you so much i'm very excited i'm in a very good mood this is great this is the grossest thing

anyone has picked I've had such a fun day yeah me being happy yeah creeps you out your second pick Shane Torres

oh yes for my second pick I have a list here sorry try to be a professional I know your code that's fine tell him

6969 bro Shane actually likes the 96. That's where he gets a blowjob in the Oval Office. That feeling when it's hot outside and you're sitting on a plastic chair and then you get up and you feel like you left something on the chair. Oh, yeah. Like your nuts peel off. Yeah, you feel like, you're like,

I am, I left a ring stain with my asshole on a wet plastic table. Yeah, you feel like you could throw it away. It's like an old coffee table resin.

Yeah. You want to make sure nobody else sits there. Yeah, yeah. Also, and you're just like, my underwear is now damp. Yeah. Any weather where your nuts

are sticking to stuff. Yeah. It's awesome. Feels great. It's cool. When you're doing the gum sits. Yeah. I feel like that. Then you gotta walk away like this.

And you're like, if people are looking at me, if I'm walking away and people see me, they're gonna know that I'm pulling on my drawers right yeah yeah that's rough there's that unmistakable like first couple steps

to unstick your nuts from your leg I've told Laura too I was like have you ever seen someone like hooking their leg for no reason the cowboy walk

whole legging yeah that's what they're doing they're unhooking the bag trying to shake them loose I hate you know those like seats that have like a little bit

of padding they're like metal but they have a little bit of padding they're like metal, but they have a little bit of padding. They're like a grandmother's toilet seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I used to hate just getting up from those, and there would just be a sweat outline. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Other people would see you just leave a sweat, and you're just like, fuck, man. I'm a resident. Look, I'm leaving a snail trail on this fucking thing. Yeah, all these other live. Yeah, you're like a slug or something. It's gross. Libertine's not leaving any gross stuff

on the chair at all. Everybody's 104 pounds and just... Just flitting around. Yeah. Flitting around. Their sweat smells like mint lemonade

or something. Yeah. And you feel like it's like soup on the back of a knee. Human vials of rose water and I just leave a fucking...

Yeah. All my DNA on that chair. Yeah. Yeah, they could... This is basically a... They could track me to that crime. Absolutely. They could reproduce. They could make another me.

Gross. I don't think anyone could. Thank you. There he goes. Thank you. Thank you. Ivan and Sue, maybe. Yeah, they could.

Yeah. That's about it. I don't think that's happening again. Probably not. That would really be a wild turn of events. That would throw me for sex. Oh, man. They were like, it's over.

It was just magic in the air at the wedding. Yeah. That would. I think we got your third pick figured out. It would make the holidays easier. Sean Jordan, time for your second and third pick. Chewing with your mouth open. Oh, yeah.

I loathe that. I've never heard you say that before. It's crazy because you did plenty of that last night. Man, at that diner, you were fucking trashed. And plenty of loudmouth soup, too, I imagine. Yeah, well, it was on someone. What diner did you go to, Fred? House of Pies.

Needed to happen. What'd you get? You don't know? He got a Monte Cristo. Oh, that is damn right I did. I didn't see that wasted. Extra jelly. Extra jelly? Extra jelly.

Extra jelly. An order of cheese sticks with a bowl of marinara. And I had a slice of pie because I'd already eaten dinner. Like this gentleman you are. This fucking goon. He starts taking his

fried sandwich and dipping it into the marinara And the jelly And the jelly And we're not done The waitress, full of judgment The house of pies full of judgment She's seen some shit I give him cash

I give him cash for my pie And he goes, oh, big man Throwing down six extra bucks for his pie. Makes a scene. Makes a scene. Has to bring up our dead fathers for some reason. That's also a thing that happens. A lot, by

the way. And in the middle of it, he's like, I never quite understood it. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, ah! Gross. And then I go, we're going across the street to get water from the 7-Eleven. He jammed it in my pockets. He was jamming water in my pockets. I take this home.

And this fucker gets two taquitos from 7-Eleven. What am I going to not? Yeah. And then, and I'm not joking. This fucking guy. The guy behind the counter is like, I'm like, all right, yeah, I got it. I throw down my card. And she goes, there's got to be some ranch in here, right?

There's got to be some ranch in here. Right. And then the guy's like, you get to. And it's like the kind that you're like, this is for the. It's 7-Eleven ranch. Yeah, this is the kind that's always in the worst schools. Yeah. And then we go out there.

He eats it outside across from a homeless guy who just camped out pretending his umbrella is a gun. And then I have to use his phone to call him an Uber. And then you didn't have to. No, I did. Because you tried to get a rental Uber. You did. You tried to get a rental car. He tried to get a rental car because he was on the wrong.

He's like because he had to put in I recognize it because on the map it had the wrong location And they were like there's no car rentals open right now And that's what you fucking did Sounds like I had a pretty good time It was a lot to hear I'll tell you that And then we finally fucking leave And he was like I love you

And he was wearing a shirt that was covered in oranges Sharpie just gave it to me. I saw that shirt. I got to Zach Sharpie's and he goes, I complimented his shirt that had apples on it. He goes,

I got another one with oranges that I don't like. Do you want it? I go, let's see. I put it on. I go, I do want this.

And I wore that for the drawing. And he had, yeah, short sleeve button up with oranges all over it. Fucking disgusting. Always dope, dude.

You hate this shirt now? No, I hate it all. Chewing with your mouth open is the pick. Chewing with your. Always dope, dude. You hate this shirt now? No, I hate it all. I had a really good time. Chewing with your mouth open is the pick. Chewing with your mouth open. And you chewed those taquitos with your mouth open. I doubt it.

No. I doubt it. Oh, he also goes. This was actually funny. All of this is actually funny. He goes, oh, so much diarrhea. How was your bowel movement this morning? Dope.

I had a couple. They were fine. Right? Yeah. You can't be living that life. But if you do it once in a while, then your poop stays fine. It's like if you're living that life maybe 10 years ago, then it's pretty bucked. Well, that's the thing.

We've all been there. We've all done that. We've all had bad night. Yeah, I was stoked, man. I'm thrilled. This whole weekend. Round two tonight, baby boy. I'm pumping the brakes.

I love it when you say that. I really do. Because it's not happening. It's happening. Yeah, okay. Do you see that cute little smile? It ain't happening. I'm going to drink soda water.

My favorite pick is when you set a drink down, and then you leave it unattended for a minute and then you take another drink and if there's something in there and you don't know exactly what it is. I'm not talking about GHB or something. I'm saying if there's a bug or something in your drink. If you take a drink of something

and there's nothing supposed to be in the drink, like a chunky thing, something gets in your drink and then you don't know what it is. It's because you topped off your whalebone with a rum floater. That's all liquid, baby. Ain't no chunks in there. I don't drink chunky whiskey.

If 7-Eleven sold it, you might. DJ, chunky whiskey. I do like that. There's got to be some ranch in here somewhere. For the morning for you. For the morning for you. For the morning for you. Yeah, just like taking a drink and then being like, oh, what was, you know, something like a bug or something.

Anything on your drink is nasty. Just off-putting. Some food, some backwash. If it's like a, yeah. Oh, bro. Just off-putting. Yeah. Yeah.

I just, I don't know. It really makes me give up the whole, the drink's done. You ever had a bee fly into a can of something? I have. Yeah. Yeah. It's unnerving. Can of Coke at McKenna Park. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I don't know. It really makes me give up the whole, the drink's done. You ever had a bee fly into a can of something? I have. Yeah. Yeah. It's unnerving. Can of Coke at McKenna Park.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Not. Well, that's fair. I have not. I just, like, there's a, like, I have an image that's just like of a glass, like a beverage with, like, food particles in it. Oh, yeah. That's why my face is like. You don't notice until you've had a couple drinks. of a glass like a beverage with like food particles in it oh yeah

that's why my face is like you don't notice until you've had a couple drinks there's a really vivid image of it in my head

like pulp would be a good example I know that's supposed to be in there but what about a pulpioj I know it's gross no

horrible to me horrible what about like boba tea is it too close to fruit I'm with you I love boba tea

and then launching it back out the straw. Like a battleship. That's because you're a middle school bully, though. Like that? Yeah, I used to do that in high school. Rissa's fully on board, yeah. Well, sometimes just like a bad guy in Mario 2.

You launch it into people. I love that. Sorry to interrupt. Pull up those turnips, baby. Yeah, dude. Toss it. Grab the bonk handles. Pull up the turnips and grab the bonk handles.

Come on, man. We're going to have a night. I'm nip flipping. You know about that. You know that about me. Come on. Don't be like that. Let's go nip flip and pull up the turnips and grab the bonk handles.

Somebody's about to eat soup off the back of a knee. I wish we could get Tyrese to write and sing a song like that. That's how surfers talk. That's also how pornographers talk. What's your pick, Shane? I'm curious. That's a great question. Okay. Sorry. No, that's a great pornographers talk. What's your pick, Shane? I'm curious. That's a great question. Okay.

Sorry. No, that's a great question. Please. You've got to get Manny Pettis. We're getting Manny Pettis after this. Everybody. Everybody. Well, I can't say that.

I was just mean. But I wrote it down. No, I can't. Come on. I'll save that one. Come on. My own body. Oh! Yeah, like, you ever just, like come on uh my own body it's like yeah like you ever just like like look at your own body like everything about you is disgusting like i get a boner when i look at

myself i get that from your body too yeah i saw that coming i look at the mirror and i'm like holy shit but you know i'm not even hungover like if you not even hung up on that. If you're sweating a lot, you're like, ugh. I get more fascinated by it. I'm like, what? This is all the time? I ate clean yesterday. Just your own body. It makes so much growth. It blows my mind when I look at my body and I'm like, somebody enjoys this?

It's wild to me. Or somebody tells me they enjoy this? It's hard to not think it's a lie my body yeah yeah you touched that you can't be serious

so bizarre don't think about it too long you'll lose respect for it this is like brother put it on my tube store this got dark my body

generally feels like an industrial area in New Jersey, where I'm like, well, it's getting the job done, but it's unpleasant. Oh, I thought you meant because the mafia dumps stuff there. I thought you were going to say the views from it are beautiful. The views are beautiful. You can get a pretty good sandwich. Yeah, there's something about all the gross things your body can produce. Yeah, you're a big-time morning hacker, too.

So you've got plenty of phlegm, right? From when we lived together. Oh, I thought you... I was smoking a lot. Shades cracking database is bright and early every morning. Are you less of a phlegm guy now? I think so, yeah. Good.

Yeah, but I was smoking a lot and drinking even more. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And doing everything wrong. Sean, you's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And doing everything wrong. Sean, you got phlegm? Doing everything wrong. I was doing well.

Yeah, I'm getting phlegmy in the mornings these days. Yeah. It's more at night. I really go hard in the pain at night. The other night I went in the garage because I was like, I sound crazy. Really? I was blowing my nose so hard. There's a booger way up there and I'm like, it's got to come out.

Yeah. I can't go to sleep if I'm, if I can like hear my nose whistling. I can't go to sleep. You gotta send in the extract team. Yeah, so I go outside and pop a blood vessel. You gave it a farmer's blow? Yeah. Oh, for days. Like when you barfed at the roost. I burst blood vessels. I definitely did.

I wished. I wished. Got any coke? I wish. And then the hardest barf i've ever barfed i burst blood vessels then we've interviewed roxanne gay the next day i remember seeing you i thought you got into a fight at the roost i did with my own body not with another person yeah no with that last glass of whiskey a glass that of whiskey. That night was so bad. Oh, man. Those were the days.

I'm glad it happened. Had to happen. Had to happen. David, what's your next pick? Oh, Dutch oven. Oh, yeah, gross. Dog, even my own Dutch oven. I used to think it was funny.

When I was younger, this girl, we'd sleep together. A hot card under a blanket. I thought it was so funny. And then you fan it. And then she, no it's where you do it and then you pull the blanket over her head. Oh my. And then she did it to me one time and I almost yacked and she was like, you see? You see?

And I was like yeah. Like Salieri? I was like I totally see that was, and I never did it again. I was like, I thought it was like some kind of cute because that's what you want. A post-coital fart? Yeah, yeah. A fart bio-dome fart? Yeah, we're talking about how we don't think our dads love us and then, we got you!

Hey, idiot! This is too much for me! I can't feel this! I had crap last night. She did it to me and it was like it was enough where I was in the panic and you can't get out of the shit. It's so bad. So bad.

Have you ever had someone put their mouth over your nose? Yeah. Oh, man. I thought you were going to ask if I had somebody suck a fart out of my butt. No, no, no, no. Have you? God, no. No, me neither.

Anybody? I've never had a mouth on my butt. I can't imagine. Have you had a mouth on your nose? That's a weird feeling. I think so. My middle school girlfriend and I, I think we would blow on each other's nose.

Shut up about his second base. Because I thought it was funny to put my mouth on her nose and blow air into it. Yeah, it is. Because it would come out of her mouth and she'd be like, This is gross. We're doing a good job.

The short circuit. Truly. I hope nobody's having breakfast right now. This is a. We're doing a good job. The short circuit. Truly. Hope nobody's having breakfast right now. This is a gross live podcast. We had another topic and Marissa said, no, do this one. So just so everyone's aware. That is true. Just so everyone's aware.

She's smart. Yeah. That's why she's a super producer. Yeah. I mean, the other topic, I won't spoil the topic, but it was going to be a music draft. And because we can't play music on the YouTube video, we're going to save it for an audio. A lot of deflecting is what you're hearing right now,

but this is gross. I promise you it's going to be a great episode, or the audio, the song draft that we're going to do. But yeah, I mean, I guess this was my idea, and I kind of regret it because this is really gross. Yeah, really gross. It's really going to get worse. Yeah, I got a couple that are...

Dutch ovens are so- Dutch oven is at least still kind of funny. It is funny, but it's not nasty, bro. It's not funny. It's like super funny. No, it's funny. It's like doing lolly. It's like fun, but there's a cost.

It's not if we went to Arby's. It's not. No, it's not. That's true. You want that Montana in your mouth? God. I'll tell you what I'm- Just a Dutch oven. You want a little Montana in your mouth? God. I'll tell you what I'm... Just a Dutch oven the day...

You want a little Montana in your mouth? Hey, this season on Yellowstone. Montana gets mouth. Oh, that's so gross. Yeah, man. A Dutch oven the day I got back from Vegas would have got me a divorce. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was nuts for me when I'd go poop. I was getting up and walking into other rooms and then coming divorce. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was nuts for me when I'd go poop. I was getting up and walking into other rooms and then coming back and staying in that room for like 30 seconds

so there's no trail. I was lying about it. No, I wasn't pooping again. For sure, I wasn't pooping again. I didn't take five. I don't even think I went home. I don't even remember

where I went after. We went to that place and we got the blueberry pancakes. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. And then I went home. Yeah. I really stunk. Yeah. I stunk up the

Centurion Lounge for like three hours. I went to the airport early and just drank cucumber water. Nampay had two Whoppers. Whoa. Whoppers. He must be getting right with God or something. He looks like he's having a tough time. Dutch ovens. Time for my third pick. Time for my third pick.

Let's see here. You want a little Montana in your mouth. Mouth-tana. Oh, sweet pickles. I love them, man. Interesting. This is a very personal pick for me. I don't like them either, but that's interesting.

Love a sweet pickle. They don't gross me out. I just genuinely don't care for the flavor. They gross me out. I mean, blame it on my Jewish upbringing, perhaps, but I was raised to believe a pickle is to be dill. It's to be a sour and savory, like sort of a salty thing.

I expect that. And something that's generally gross is when you're expecting something to be sweet and it's savory, or you're expecting something to be savory and it's sweet. And for me, a little, just a little fucking sweet pickle, they always feel warmer than they're supposed to be. You're talking about the little whole sweet pickles or the little slices? little, just a little fucking sweet pickle, they always feel warmer than they're supposed to be.

You're talking about the little whole sweet pickles or the little slices? Yeah, like a little whole, either one. I don't like either one of them. Those tiny little guys. I don't like how bread and butter

is like a yellower color than another pickle. Yeah, you don't like that. I don't like that one bit. Interesting. Sweet pickles gross me out. I feel like they are a betrayal, an abomination.

I feel like they are proof that the light of God has shade. Damn, God throws some real shade. Yeah, she does. And you. Nice. Thank you. Also, I recently got a vasectomy.

I got the clearance. Keep it going for Sean. I have it up for Sean, sweet pickle. Oh, he's the daughter? Yeah, I have a daughter. Yeah, that's great. I regret voting for Trump., sweet pickle. Oh, he's the daughter? Yeah, I have a daughter. Yeah, that's great. I regret voting for Trump. There we go.

Here we go. Okay, let's keep it going. I don't need more, though. I'm up for him again. If it's an element... 301, baby. 301. If it's an element in a dish,

like... Well... I'm asking. This is not a judgment. Yeah, but like, can you do it then like... If it's in like a relish... If it's like a relish,

that's what I mean. If it's like mixed into a relish, I can do like a sweet... Yeah, like a sweet relish, weirdly, but it's something... But like as a just on its own, it's like... Fighting into it. I don't like it. Like, hey, that's what I mean. If it's like mixed into a relish, I can do like a sweet relish. But as a just on its own, it's like two. Fighting into it. I don't like it. Hey, there's no judgment here.

I mean, I will pretty much eat anything you put in front of me, so it doesn't matter to me. Soup out of an egg? I'll put something in front of you. Montana, dude. Your state's not that big. It's about Rhode Island, boy. He's got big nuts, though. The Florida Keys.

I got the Yukon Territory. Rhode Island for a dick. Rhode Island for a dick. And the Yukon Territory ball bag. Please tattoo that on your... My mom doesn't know how to listen to a podcast. No, I'm going to think of it. Mine does.

Sweet pickles. Sweet pickles is my third pick. Look at me and call me sweet pickles again. I love you, sweet pickles. Appreciate it, bro. We're going to get to the remainder of the draft right after another short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. Short break. If you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice?

And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. You know, there's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dose to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days.

And you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this.

You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allf hi welcome back to all fantasy everything already in progress um i just picked sweet pickles as something that grosses me out and we're now going to proceed into i know what marissa's gonna i'm the only one with headphones this is the part of the podcast where we like to encourage everyone to put some lotion on. And just get a little whiff of your navel.

It grosses me out. I don't even like doing it. Just a touch of your navel lint. Just a little. Oh, God. Put some breadcrumbs on. You don't get to pull away now, listener. If any part of your body isn't supple enough,

now would be a great time to address that. If you're out of lotion, just use mustard. If this is your morning commute, remember this in the meeting, and your life could be much worse. And now, for this fourth pick. Time for my fourth pick. I'll kick off the fourth round here.

That's what I like. Fucking gross. Just a little bit of... This is a bummer. Teeth. Teeth? Yeah. You just don't like teeth?

Teeth, loose teeth. Like, if I ever see a tooth out of a mouth, I don't like seeing that. That's terrifying. You see how big they are. They're big. That's weird. I don't like that. I don't like thinking about how I have teeth.

Really? Since teeth is off the board, when a dentist is fucking scraping the... Oh, my God. When you feel like your tooth is like a fucking cement wall to someone's pressure wash. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. I got a root canal earlier, a root canal earlier this year. A root canal?

Did you say root? No, I say root canal. I kind of like teeth. You like teeth? Yeah. That was creepy, too. You got great, but you have a nice set of teeth.

You do have a good set of teeth. You have good teeth. But I mean, I just, I don't think, I don't want to touch them. You want to touch them? No. You ever just lick teeth?

Yeah, I've done it before. Ain't that bad? When something happens to someone's teeth in a movie? Oh, yeah. Like the hockey puck in that Paul Walker movie? Picture your teeth getting grinded. You know what I'm talking about in that Paul Walker movie where they lay a guy down in front of the...

And they slam a hockey puck into his mouth? Have you ever bit on a utensil? Yeah. What do you mean bite? Oh, like bite into his mouth? Have you ever bit on a utensil? Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. What do you mean bite? Oh, like bite into a fork? Yeah.

Yeah. They're bones, right? Something. Something. They're something. Mouth bones. Mine are ivory. Keenan ivory teeth.

Porcelain? Keenan ivory teeth? Yeah. Keith Sweat ivory teeth. David Borey, time for your fourth pickory Teeth? Yeah. Keith Sweat, Ivory Teeth. David Borey, time for your fourth pick. Teeth. We watched that Mark Morrison video earlier. Which one?

Or the other one? I ain't seen the video for a minute. Just ain't seen the video for a minute. A lot of leather gloves. You fucking better believe that's getting played at the wedding. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We had that and all Bruno Mars, right? Like cover to cover?

I had one request, and it was for no Bruno Mars at the wedding. Man, I'm going to find out a way to get it played. Sean's going to have, you're just going to be blotto with it on your phone? Yo. Just right your phone. No. Just right by Ian. Congrats. Congrats, you loser. David Moore,

time for your fourth pick. I don't want to be that guy. Be that guy. Is it going to hurt my feelings? It's not going to hurt your feelings. I'm going to count on three. It's not going to hurt your feelings. What are you going to do? I'm going to count on three. Do it.

One, two, three. When you wake up in it. Oh, in the puddle. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? You're digging to say the puddle. You were like, we were all animals last night, and then you wake up and you're laying on it.

Yeah. Oh, wait. Are you saying it's gross or you like it no no no it's gross at first I thought it was like you had a nocturnal

emission and then you're like sitting in that jizz or something I never had a nocturnal emission I always beat it to the punch

no I never pissed the gun you mean you punched it to the beat oh yeah yeah well no if I saw the emission

waiting at the door I opened it up and let it in. I had a couple wet dreams, but I never peed the bed. That's what a nocturnal emission is. Oh, I thought it was like anything coming out. What, like poop or pee? Why did you pee in the bed? No, no.

I thought it was a nice way of saying you pissed the bed also. No, dude, it's Mondo. Oh, yeah, I had a couple wet dreams. Oh, man, it was like 110 degrees last night. I was sweating all over the place. So many nocturnal emissions. Yeah. I remember waking up and your shit's all crusty and you're like, how'd that happen?

And then you find out what a wet dream is. That's all in the vein of what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's gross. I'm talking about more when it's like boy-girl stuff going down. I think it's less of a vein and more of a difference. Maybe she told you something in text that you thought was not going to be the same thing in actuality, and then it was. And then you're like, oh.

And then you wake up and you're just like, oh, we're animals. And I... Let's just put the carrot in front of my face here. Let me get a bite. What was the text? No? Off air? I'll show it.

You talking about Ant Flo being in town? No. I'm talking about some people finish the game and there's not a lot of sweat on them. Some people gush at the end of the game. Oh. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely. Some people say it's pee.

We're talking about Patrick Ewing at the free throw line. Yes. What's up, Ryan? Patrick Chewing, you're talking about? Patrick Chewing. But that feeling when you wake up in it and you're like, oh, this was, I should have just handled this last night. Yeah.

You know what I mean? But you didn't. Yeah, I guess. Get married, Manuel. I kind of. You like it? What? I don't know if I, I don't think I like it.

Now you're shaming me for thinking it is like fucking. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not. I'm 100% not. I'm just telling you how I feel. No, no. Of course not. Okay.

Guy can't stand sweat on a plastic chair. Here's what I. I'm sorry. I don't like sleeping in nut in girl nut this dude likes sleeping in nut he likes old loads all over the sheet when he wakes up

excuse me do I get to finish apparently you get to finish it not clean up at all I don't know I don't like waking up in it I like sleeping in it. But I will say,

sometimes you're like, you look at that and you're like, there's a sense of accomplishment. Oh, yeah. We definitely got a lot done. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I like eating the 72 on steak. I don't want to fall asleep in the mashed potatoes. Come on. You know? Head writer at SeaGuy. The guy's got an Emmy on his mantle. It's in the house. You saw it. You saw it recently. It didn't look real. It's real.

That'd be odd. No, I think there's, I have a sense of accomplishment when I'm just like, hey, we were disgusting and it was awesome. Yeah. Now let's flip this mattress over. Tyrese got a fake Oscar. He ordered a fake Oscar so he could materialize it was awesome. Yeah. Yeah, no, let's flip this mattress over. Tyrese got a fake Oscar. He ordered a fake Oscar so he could materialize it or whatever he has

on his mantle. I watched his Cribs the other day. I don't know what he thinks. The new version of Cribs. I don't know what he thinks he might be getting that Oscar for.

I don't either. A song? I don't doubt it. Baby Boy 2? He could be in a Tarantino film or something. I don't know. I don't think that's right.

I bet Tyrese could have a dope bit rolling in him so hard. I'm not going to count Tyrese out. Have I told you I love you? that's right. I bet Tyrese could have like a dope bit rolling in. You ride for him so hard. I'm not going to count Tyrese out. Have I told you I love you? That song sucks. Lay lay. Have I told you you still mean the world to me?

What if Tyrese got into like editing? Maybe then. Film editing, costumes. There's other ways to get it. Tyrese wins for best costume design on the new Lord of the Rings show. Yeah. Sound effects. Either way, boy girl juices. That's new Lord of the Rings show. Yeah. Sound effects. Either way, boy girl juices.

That's my pick. Boy girl juices. Waking up in boy girl juices. Waking up in boy girl juices. Your own. Yeah. Cien Fiori. Others would be why.

That'd be Bucker if you're like, if you go to sleep and wake up in different boy girl juices. Yeah. You think of like, like at orgies, like when people just fall, like if they just wake up. Do you go to sleep at orgies? I don't know. I've never been to one. I think. Do you go to sleep at orgies? I don't know the etiquette. I think you probably did. Do you go to sleep? I don't know.

Nick? Nick? Nick has never been to an orgy. Jake? That's not a no. That's not a no. Jake's playing his cards close to his vest. Shane Torres, time for your fourth pick. For my fourth pick,

I will take 6-9, 6-9. There it is again. Oh, when I see a sticky child. When a child is just messy and covered in shit. I hate it so much.

It sucks the shit out of me. Why do you think it's so funny? They always smell like Cheerios and it's fucking disgusting. I had a meal crusted on her face

the other day and I wanted to barf if a little cute kid is covered in marmalade or jam I love that

like Paddington don't no no and that's like if a little kid is covered in marmalade

you're never like that little Jimmy when they're around you're like you're fucking we're gonna have to hose you down

because it's disgusting Uncle Shane Uncle Shane hates it kids are so disgusting. They're filthy. And just like when they're, ugh, their fucking weird little smells on their tiny hands.

And it's just like, how did you make so much mess with their little parts? I remember this kid's Tosh, who was like a very sticky dude in grade school. He was gross. I hate it. Sticky kids. Shout out to Tosh. There's just like caked spaghetti sauce on their – and I understand like when I go see my friends

and they have kids and they're feeding their kid and their kid has like spaghetti goes all over the face. Why they don't wipe it down every time because they're going to have to feed it again and it's going to get shit on their face again. But it's just disgusting. Kid gets like some of their burrito on the wall. Yeah. That could happen to anyone. but it's just disgusting kid gets like some of their burrito on the wall yeah that could happen to anyone

I don't only have the one dude I'm sitting next to it's hot old kale beard you better not be filming me Zach's just an agent of chaos across the table filming him and I'm just looking down like, he's going to kill you, Zach. You are going to beat up Zach one day.

I'm going to hurt him. I probably not, because Zach is a... He's mellowed out. Yeah, he's pulled away from that a lot. Not like some people I know. Don't look at me. I celebrate you every chance I get. Yeah, I'm definitely talking about it.

Yeah, yeah. I threw my eyes at Sean. Yeah, that's Sean. You know I would die for you. Big time. I really would. You might have to. Yeah.

Might be the only way I can get this feeling out of me. The devil. Man, I would die for a lot of people in this room. Yeah. Pretty cool. Jake seems cool, too. Yeah, I wouldn't die for Jake. I'm sorry, Jake.

Not yet. You're the only one. Not yet. I just don't know this room. Pretty cool. Jake seems cool, too. I wouldn't die for Jake. I'm sorry, Jake. Not yet. You're the only one. Not yet. I just don't know you yet. Not yet. At some point, you put your time in, I'll die for you.

Look, man, you don't start at the top of the Eiffel Tower. You know what I mean? No, you do not. No, you do not. You catch him at 1 a.m., he'll tell you how much

he loves you over fucking... Unless you're trying to get it in your butt, then you want to start at the top. Oh, my gosh. John Jordan, time for your fourth?

And then your final pick, because it is a serpentine draft. When cereal's been in the bowl too long and it's soggy. Oh, like congealed? Yeah. It's like eating wet paper. It is the worst. Cereal swamp. Yeah, man.

When you sleep on it for a second or you get distracted or whatever, and then you look back and it's just the bowl's cat. I can't. What if it's Cocoa Krispies? Mm-mm. Nothing. That bowl's cat. I can't. What if it's Cocoa Krispies? Mm-mm. Nothing. That's even worse to me. I like it when it's Cocoa Krispies.

Because they take on so much liquid. I'm into that. It's milk just kind of gross to you guys? Yeah, milk is gross. Milk is gross. I like it.

Weren't we just not talking about this in the car? Yeah. Especially now that we have alternatives and you can like oat milk some cereal. Oh, it's all kind of gross. We always had alternatives.

Yeah. It was a crazy thing to ever do. It's crazy that we ever drank milk. We're stuck in somebody else's titty juice? Yeah, titty juice all over the place. Cows. Just dump it all over the bed and go to sleep. Whole regions of the country developed to selling people cow titty juice. Meanwhile, I try to market a little homebrew.

Now the FDA is breathing down my ass. Breathing up my tits. Breathing down my ass. I just stopped breathing down my ass. I got the FDA breathing up my tits. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm a little angry. I had the FDA at the fucking office all day.

Sucking on my titties. I'm tired of sending your screwball antics to the commissioners. Breathing down my ass. Trying to suck my nipple off my tit. Gently sucking my breast. Guy's giving me a butt hickey over here. What am I supposed to, FDA's all butt hickey in here, there?

Police chief, just sort of, like, just kind of gumming up my nipple. This comptroller is making my nipple sweat. God, if you run for comptroller, let's get you a comptroller victory. That's basically an accountant, right? Couldn't tell you. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not the one running,. God, if you run for comptroller, let's get you a comptroller victory. That's basically an accountant, right? Couldn't tell you. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not the one running, though.

It's you, so. Probably. A cereal swamp. Yeah. Last pick. What's the grossest kind of cereal for you that can get like that? Yeah. Oh, like Wheaties?

Yeah. For me, it's like a Cheerios. Yeah. A non-honey nut, too. Grape nuts, because it becomes like a blob. Yeah, but I'm into that. You know Ihoney nut. Grape nuts because it becomes like a blob. You know I'm into that. You know I'm into that. The only way they're edible is if they're loaded up with milk.

Milky Charms is weird too. I'll tell you what, a marshmallow can't get gross. I'll do that all day. I love a milky marshmallow. You want some Montana in your mouth? You love a milky marshmallow. You want some Montana in your mouth? Milky marshmallow? You love a milky marshmallow? Last pick is stepmom porn.

Oh, yeah. Have you discovered the mute button? You know I have. You just fast forward through the mom's teach sex part. Yeah, I don't need to see them get to know each other. I don't need to hear about your dad. I don't even know why she's stuck under that piano. I just need to know how she enjoyed getting unstuck.

Why is there so much of it? I think it's the kids. I think people secretly like the kids. I don't think it's older than my stepmom is also the other thing. It's divorce. Yeah, it's fucked up it's like somewhere in there i understand it the i do understand why tread lightly yeah i'm trying that's why i'm being so pensive did i use eyes just cracking um but i get where there could

like loosely be a fantasy you guys can't see sean's got a wicked huge boner. I mean, every time I get a boner, it's wicked huge. You just dropped the blur on that. Yeah, dude, I'm naked. There's a mirror in here and I rocked up. What do you want to do about it? Shane's been touching me all podcast. I'm not going to have a boner. Keep going about how you love this forbidden fruit.

I dare you to not get a boner with Shane gracing your arm all podcast. Just like that. Oh, God. Shane, don't fucking ever touch me like that again you need to take that seriously like that's not a joke that was so weird that's what you've been doing to me this whole time you tipped me that's so gross now i have beer on my shorts. It's fucking disgusting. Take the kettle off. Are you sure it's beer? Take the kettle off. Don't touch them anymore.

It was so... That was like a salty. That's what I'm going to say. It's not funny. You guys are like... You're like kids on a road trip back there. I didn't know that was going to happen. That's fair. But that was unnerving.

All I did... What if I did it again? Please do not. Please do it again. I won't. Please do it again. I'll pay for your mani-pedi. I felt weak. I don't want you to feel like that, Shane.

I don't want you to feel like that. Anyway, like stepmom genre porn or whatever you want to say. I understand. Shane, time for your final pick. Okay whatever you want to say. I understand. Shane, tell me your final pick. Okay. I want to do it so bad. I'm not going to, but I want to. What, touch him again?

I want to graze him. Brian Grazer over here. Graze Kelly. This is... Sean and I were drunk one night. We were like, what's the grossest thing? No, we weren't. And he said, sometimes I still think about this, and it makes me throw up a little bit. Sean and I were drunk one night. We were like, what's the grossest thing? No, we weren't.

And he said, sometimes I still think about this, and it makes me throw up a little bit. Something I said? Well, we talked about this together, because we were just being like, we were on a road trip or something. Was it at Greggy's wedding? No. Was it in the car?

Okay. Maybe, maybe, yeah. We were talking about some gross shit in the car. But we were just trying to gross each other out. And then I said this, and I still regret it. I'll just ask you two since you already gave me your answer. Oh, no. I totally agree.

I don't like this. I think you might have said this to me in the car the other day. I'm afraid. Who would you rather go down on, your mom or your dad? God damn it. I didn't hear the second part. You did say it to me in the car the other day. God damn it.

It's your dad. It has to be. Who would you rather go down on, your mom or your dad? Oh, God. It's your dad. It has to be. It doesn't have to be anything, Sean. You don't have to live like this. Which one of us asked that?

Well, there's a comedian who has a bit about this. I'm forgetting their name. Thank God. But they say the answer should be your mom, because your mom deserves it more. Oh, God. That's not fucking normal. That's assuming that I'm going to be good at it. I was talking about buckets, dude.

So it's equal. What'd you say? No. I'm not participating in this foolishness. I think in a way I had this. David, time for your final pick. I hate that. I hated it when you asked me in Bakersfield.

I hated it today. It's worse to hear in Bakersfield. It's pretty bad today. I hate those white things that accumulate. Oh, yeah. And the cracks of people. It's like you always get paranoid that you have them. It's always such a bad look.

Dude, my buddy Mike. The spider webby mouth? Yeah. It's like it's such a bad look. In elementary school, my buddy Mike would get those, and we'd have to tell him, we'd be like, you're foaming, dude. And he would, because he had like a pretty gnarly underbite. Right, right, right.

And so he wanted to know, but we'd be like, hey, you're foaming. You have to. Or sometimes kids, it'll be red. Oh, yeah, it looks like, ugh. It's uncomfortable. It's so gross. It's so gross.

Oh, God, it is gnarly. I used to get chapped corners of my mouth because I would always lick off the shit. And in the winter, it would chap, and I'd get giant cold sores. Kind of cold sores, like from it being actually cold. Men with really dry skin is like a gross thing. It is gross.

Well, anyone. But. Yeah. Not like that. I mean like on your face. Well, some people can. Some people have conditions. Yeah.

Well. Shout out to you. They're disgusting. They're not. We love you. Shane loves you. I don't. We love you.

I think you should put a mask on for the whole day. Everyone except David's been wearing a mask for the last two years. Oh, so you believe in COVID. I used to. And 300 episodes I did, but 301. Home, babe. You show it to me. If I can't see it, how's it real?

Time for my final pick. God's real. I can't see God. She is. Ladies. Ladies and ladies. Huh? My see God. She is. Ladies. Ladies and ladies. My final pick. A band-aid of dubious origin.

What's that doing here? A band-aid. Where did that come from? Who's that off of? You can tell it's been used. In a tub? In a pool? In a gym bathroom?

In a gym bathroom? Somebody's bathroom? In a gym bathroom? Somebody's bathroom? In somebody's bathroom? The floor of a public shower, like a gym shower. Yeah, in my mouth. We had two. Right. My mouth.

Boner city. My mouth. We had two cashed out Band-Aids on the table the other day, just chilling in the middle, like 2 p.m. And I was like, what are these used Band-Aids? And Laura was like, ah, maybe. Maybe. Yeah, what are... They're unwraids? And Laura's like, ah, maybe. Maybe? Yeah, what are...

They're unwrapped. Yeah. They're unwrapped. They're naked Band-Aids, so they're either used... On the skin or in the garbage. There's two places for this. A Band-Aid of dubious origin. That's my final pick.

Super Producer Marissa, do you have a pick? I do. Let me get over there. Come on. Can I stop in on mic? Oh, I wasn't mic, but I'll get on camera. On on. Get over here. I've not been on mic that whole. Oh, I was on mic. But I'll get on camera. On camera. Oh, yeah.

Hello. Hello, everyone. I've never done this before, so I don't know if this would work. You want to sit? Oh, it's okay. I had a pic, and then something reminded me, and I just changed it. So something that creeps me out, grosses me out, is listening to Sean's lotion talk with headphones on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought you were going to say. That is listening to Sean's lotion talk with headphones on. That's what I thought you were going to say. You don't have headphones on right now, though. I did earlier, and it sucked. I saw her face. She didn't like it. Did not like it. It looked like when you touched Shane. Also, my other pick was going to be seeing someone's face in a window at night.

Oh, yeah. That is creepy. When I thought we were doing creepy stuff, I just had something moving by a window in general. Yeah. We had an unlocked picture frame in the crib the other night. Just open, just an open picture frame. It was fucking gnarly. That's fucking horrifying. Yeah. And Max, you know how babies

like just look at shit. I always do a social bit like we know babies can see ghosts. But now when she's looking at something, I'm like, is that the ghost? She can't. Nicholas Nampe in the studio. On the mic in a second, do you have a pick? I've been making a list over here actually. Get in the middle near the table.

Oh, he's in the middle. You can come sit, man. Oh yeah, get on the couch. Yeah, we have room for you. Don't touch him, but you can sit next to him. That's how a gentleman touches yeah little me this is probably the grossest thing no just kidding okay the warmth of your armpit yeah um when people take their chewed gum out and put it on their fucking pop can or their plate. I hate that shit.

What did they say? You're going to put it back in your mouth? You're going to eat it again? That in itself is in the way. Like old cold gum in your mouth? It's yum. Do anything. I don't want to look at it while we're eating pizza.

Do anything with it. Throw it on the ground. Swallow it. Just get rid of it. Just get another piece. It's not a scarce commodity. When people put a meal in the fridge on the plate they were eating off of, I think that's fucking disgusting. Really?

I'd do that. That's not a thing for me. Just cover it with tinfoil. I have a question. If you spit your gum in the street, is that littering? It's incredible, right? Laura jumped up my ass for that one time. It sticks to the floor.

You ever see those dark dots on the ground? Those are all gum that just got dirty. Oh, those are dead animals. Ghosts. I mean, that doesn't happen to a Starbucks cup if I throw it on the street. That's going to stay a Starbucks cup. Is it littering? I would not do it.

It's on gentlemen. It's a dick move. It's untoward. Are you worried about being toward? Most of the time, yeah. It's untoward. I'm worried about getting some Montana in my mouth is what I'm worried about. Oh!

Whoa! Nick! Get him! Touch him! He's poking the vent! I was going to whisper to Sean, how did you touch Shane? There's a microphone. Show us what you touched him.

That's what I did. He did it with the back of his hand. I just did it like this. Ah! Oh! Molly is so critical. I'm not a girl. It's going to blow up here.

Sean, you went first. You took soup. It's pent up. Chewing with your mouth open. A foreign element entering a beverage. Cereal swamps and stepmom porn. Shane, you took the backs of knees, getting all sweaty on a plastic chair. Your own body, sticky children, and you didn't have a fifth pick.

David, you went third. You took wet jewelry, the smell of someone else's fresh mom. I had a fifth, bitch. Dutch ovening, sex puddles, and white stuff in the corner of your mouth. I went last. I took body hair and a bath. Sean saying how much to eat soup out of the back of my knee. Sweet pickles, teeth, and a band-aid of dubious origin.

I mean, we left stuff on the board. I came up twice on this on the list of gross things. Yeah, you're gross, dude. Wet jeans, that's gross. Wet jeans. That's a Jason Momoa coming out of the ocean in Aquaman. Yeah, wet denim feel. We saw a dude when we were up at Malibu.

We saw a dude getting in the ocean with jeans on. Do you ever remember that guy? I don't remember what comedian. He had a joke about he wants a jamaican son and then the jamaican son they would be at the pool and the jamaican son would yell at the lifeguard and be like what you mean me partner swimming in denim do you remember that no oh god that's what you mean what you mean you know let me pass women in denim we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail What do you mean? You know, let me pass. We've been in bed.

We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to super producer Marissa. Shout out to Jake Robinson. Yeah, shout out to video producer. Jake, do you have something that's gross? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. The sounds of metal scraping against concrete. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, that's so good. That's a good one. It's so unnerving. Sounds like a broken leg. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. Sounds like a broken leg. Great pick. I regret asking you, but I'm glad we asked you. Oh, that just gave me the chills. Oh, earring backs.

Oh, they smell. AllFantasyPodcast.gmail.com Shout out to the Patreon. Thank you for holding us down, supporting us, letting us do what we do. Shout out to the Patreon. Thank you for holding us down, supporting us, letting us do what we do. Shout out to the A-F-E Shaslackity. I'm in there in both of the fantasy leagues. I'm going to win

them both. I might do it. Are you watching football this year? I'm watching football this year. I'm getting in. I told him it wouldn't be doing anyone any favors if I did enter a fantasy league because I don't know what I'm doing. It's like going all in without looking at your cards. Let's do a fantasy basketball league. We'll do an A-F, yeah. Let's do a fantasy basketball league. We'll do a fantasy basketball league.

Someone's breath after they've been crying for a long time, it has a certain stink to it. Really? Yeah, it's called fear. Shout out to Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, we'll see Lance Banks tonight from that very video.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna see him in a Camaro. Huh? What was your fifth pick? No, you didn't! Tune in again next week to another brand-new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Cut his mic! Cut his mic! Do it. My fifth pick was going down on your mom or your dad. No!

Goddamn it. God fucking do it. That was a Hate Gum podcast.