All Fantasy Everything - Things That Suck, But Need to be Done (w/ Katie Nolan, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

This week marks the start of Nol-Vember! We let our amazing patrons pick the topic and they never disappoint! That's why this week we're drafting "Things That Suck, Need to be Done!" Now sit back and enjoy the start of a beautiful month of listening!  Seattle! Boston! New York! We're recording a live podcast in your city! Get your tickets at linktr.ee/allfantasyeverything. Guest: Katie Nolan @katienolan IG: @natiekolan Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things that suck, but you have to do them anyway. Joining us today, friend of the podcast, for the month of November,

commentator on Apple TV Plus' Friday Night Baseball, Emmy Award winner, Guinness World Record holder, impromptu Halloween costume putter togetherer. Katie Nolan is back. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. Joining me as always are my friends, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it.

Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is wearing Halloween costumes, even though it's several days after Halloween. By the time you hear this. Uh-huh, it is. By the time you hear this. And since we record seconds before the podcast goes up, we actually do this live. We're wearing our Halloween costumes late. I'm your host, Ian Carmel.

No, I don't know. Say Gomez Adams. Oh, yeah. I'm dressed as Gomez Adams. And it's that kind of podcast. We haven't done that one in a while. We haven't done it in a while. No, I like it.

It's that kind of podcast. It's that kind of podcast. It's November. So we're bringing back all the old tricks. My favorite month of the fall. It's the favorite month of the fall. That and October. October's even better.

Wow. Big September guy as well. Well, October has Sean and I's birthday, and it's been K-tober. Oh, okay. You're right. I forgot about K-tober. I like October. It's got Shane's birthday, too. Oh, yeah. Sugar Shane Torres. You know Shane? You remember Shane? I love October. It's got Shane's birthday too.

Oh yeah, Sugar Shane Torres. You know Shane? You remember Shane? I love Shane. Yeah, I was just texting him earlier. Yeah, it's got Shane's birthday. Love that guy. Do you see Shane and I almost get into a fight at your wedding? Are we starting the podcast?

No, yeah, we're going. What are we doing? I was almost getting a fight. I haven't barely talked to you since the wedding. Okay, first of all, can I say things about the wedding to you now? Or do you not want to do wedding on podcast? Greatest time, best time. So much crying. So lovely. The two of you, I didn't get to say a word

to you, our lovely wife, but I also felt like you've got people you know and you don't want. I didn't want to bug her. You guys looked so busy. There were so many people there. You put us at the coolest table and I learned you should never be in between jobs and

sitting at the coolest table because you kind of just feel like, hey. Sitting across from Kyle Kinane, I was just like, holy shit. I'm at the funniest table. Kinane's really been fucking up weddings lately. He's really been going good

i've always looked up to that guy don't tell him i said it but i've always been like that's he's like my true north that's why i was like i didn't want to say anything i was like oh nice to meet you i'm katie i'm like i know who you are you're kyle canane that's and his episode of this podcast is one of my favorite episodes or he's probably done multiple but the one that's like people you want on your side in a fight. In a fight. That thing about the bats, of like bats sleeping upside down to their dicks,

hit them in the face. I think about that all the time. He's so funny. But anyway, what happened was Shane Torres, and I didn't even realize I was saying anything all that mean, but he took it. I think he was very mad that I said,

he wouldn't surprise me if he was into older women and he was like taken aback by it. And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm a woman in my mid thirties. I'm not a younger woman. So what? I don't see it as an insult that you're into older women. I just said that.

As someone who's trying to cultivate that vibe and buy that hat, I think it's a compliment. I thought so too. And he was so like, how dare you? And I, have you had those moments where you're like, did I,

did I say something I didn't mean to say? I was like replaying it in my head. I was like, I don't think you should be this mad at me. What's the opposite of that compliment? Hey, you look like you like young scoos. Like, grow up. Right? Like, I don't know. That's not a

that would be what I'd say to you. Well, I guess in your guys' industry, you never really know what they take as a compliment in that regard. But I was just like, Shane, I meant it nicely. And then we almost came to blows. Harry Styles is into older women. I feel like it's, like, cool to be into older women. You look like you're into older women.

Hey, I'm into much, much younger women. The only other side of that is being a sleazeball. I also didn't even say you look like I had said, I wouldn't be surprised if you were into older women. As in like, if you, if you came to me and said like,

Oh, I like older women. I'd be like, yeah, I, uh, I have an OG. I have an older gal.

I love it. That's not what that stands for. I have an OG. I have an older gal. I love it. That's not what that stands for. Well, you're married now, so you're only just into your room. Yeah, it is. OG, man. I have a younger gal, but she's very bookish. I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it. I dabble across the rainbow. Yeah. I can really go anywhere. I played every key on the piano. Yeah. I can really go anywhere. I played every key on the piano. Yeah, there's no, I had no note left, no note left untouched. Every legal key on the piano. Every socially responsible key on the piano.

Call me Ray Charles because I'm not looking where I'm touching. Oh, my God. Nope, that was weird. It came out a lot weirder than it was in my head two hours of that on repeat and i think we're good for this episode i don't see i don't see any reason wrap it up i mean that's the thing that sucks that you got to do anyway is loop that for two hours and then let's get out of here it sounded way more confident in my head but i said i i balked on the delivery. All the pieces are there, but it's like you had

a 3D printer and you made a gun. You know what I mean? You could have used it to make like a... Damn, dude. You could have made a cancer cure, but you're over here making something that takes life away. You could have 3D printed the cure for cancer. I don't like it. Is anybody else

as uncomfortable by that hand as me? I don't like it. I thought it was his real hand. I'll be honest. Is that an insult? For the listeners at home, I have my disembodied hand as part of my, it's the thing from, not the thing. What's the thing? It's the hand.

Yes. The hand. Thing, right? Or is it the thing? Thing from the Addams Family. And it's not too far off from my- It's a good looking fake hand. Thank you.

I made it. It's a good looking fake hand. Thank you. I made it. I didn't make it. I bought it. I bought it off Etsy. You look like you've got a friend who's not really ready to commit. You're trying to get in there and hold his hand and he's like, I'm not ready for this step yet. What if you just rest your fingers atop my fingers?

You know in Africa, dudes just hold hands. What? I love that. It freaks me out, but it's pretty cool. There's a lot of cultures where hand-holding is just, I think in the Middle East, there's a lot more hand-holding too. Dudes in Freetown just walking down the street holding hands. I'll do that. I'll do that with any one of you.

I think it's sweet. I actually just don't even really like holding hands. I don't either. In general, because I just never know, like, you want your hand back. The whole time I'm going, oh, he probably needs his hand we gotta get on a rhythm you know what i hate is an arm around a shoulder and walking i hate that i can't stand it i hate that if it fits you have to be like the the right size for it but most if you're not it's not working if you're going very slow if you're going if you're looking at fruit at a farmer's market or something.

It has to be a stroll. It can't be a walk even. I like a moment of it. Give me a moment of it. A mosey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me a moment of mosey. Give me something else.

Yeah, I'm not really like a, I don't walk and talk. I'm not an Aaron Sorkin. I'm like, let's stop, do the touching and the love, and then gather back to our walking. I like to be just far enough apart where people are like,

are they together? Are they brother and sister what's the relationship is he is he down on his luck and she's helping out is that what's what's he doing with that og over there yeah dude laura's got a big ice cream cone tattooed on her face now you don't even know you don't even know she uh she doesn't look older than you, though. She looks like 20 years younger than me. She does not look younger, yeah. Young and voluminous. Voluminous. I'm going to tell you she looks voluminous.

What? Oh, I thought you were saying voluptuous. Dang. It's a combination, voluptuous and luminous. I was looking for luminous in my brain, and my brain sent down voluminous as though she were like many volumes. That's not what I meant to say.

I think about it as she wears a lot of velour. She wears a lot. Oh, dude. Yeah. Velour pajamas, man. Velourinous. That chapter's coming. After November.

Voluminor. Voluminor. After November, we're going to do a Velourcember. Oh, yeah. It's the four of us again, but we're all wearing velour. I'll be dressed in the baby fat men's line. We're forcing month names so we can do like January leather after that. Oh, man.

Yo, sound the alarm. February? We just all wear furs. Oh, February. Yeah, absolutely. Just big thick stoles. I've been known to rock Russian sable. Keep that chilla on the rack.

Then let's do burlap march. Burlap march. Because we went too hard. We went too hard. You got to calm down. Furbuary. Not bad. Furbuary.

Not bad. Furbuary. So anyway, I really loved your wedding. Thank you. Oh, God. Not bad. February. So anyway, I really loved your wedding. Thank you. Oh, God. It's true what they say about weddings. You don't have like, I mean, it goes by like that when you're getting married. I barely talked to you.

I felt terrible about it. You flew all the way from New York. No, don't feel terrible. I genuinely felt terrible that I didn't walk up deliberately to your wife and be like, hello, I'm Katie. It's nice to meet you. It was weird of me. I had a sword. Exactly wife and be like, hello, I'm Katie. It's nice to meet you. It was weird of me. Exactly. I was like, don't talk to her. He might not remember that it's you

and hit you and then, ah, you don't have a hand. But I was just, anytime I got your eyes, I was like, yay. It was so fun. I smoked a lot of boo at your wedding. A lot of boo. My dad calls marijuana boo. I was smoking hella boo.

Oh, your family, Oh, your family. Ian, your family. I forgot that was such a highlight. What an awesome family you have. Pretty good family, right? And that she has. I know. I know.

God, the speeches were quick and witty. They were in and out. Usually people go way too long. It was great. It was so great. The dance floor was was popping the photo booth was whimsical everybody looked great on it you and dan look that your picture from that is 10 out of 10 it looks like you guys are getting married it's not a one it's fucking fantastic the the tent hands he was very excited to do tent hands beautiful i learned he said make me look like i can yeah he said make

me look like i'm doing a business deal and i was like you got it you got it babe uh just one of the great nights of my life we should throw that party again but we're like i'm not getting married that's why i had so much fun yeah what did you say what did you just say somebody else we should throw that party again but i'm not getting married so i get to like hang out with people oh yeah yeah okay well so i don't know there's really no way to bring this up but the We should throw that party again, but I'm not getting married, so I get to hang out with people. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, well, so I don't know. There's really no way to bring this up, but the reason I was so excited to do this with you guys is because-

No fucking way. No! No! No! Oh, yeah! Katie just showed a ring to the listeners. Oh, that's smart. Katie's got a gun.

That's smart. Katie has a gun. Give me all your money. Katie, congratulations. Oh, my God. Congratulations. That's amazing. Oh, I've been sitting here bubbling over this whole time. Katie, congratulations Congratulations That's amazing I've been sitting here bubbling over this whole time When am I gonna date?

I remember before you guys were dating That's so cool That's so cool We came on vacation this weekend And I thought it was just like a silly vacation And he did it yesterday and it's just been such a lovely You wanna keep the details in? Or can you tell us how it went down?

Yeah. Whatever. I don't have anywhere to say any of this stuff. Can I go to your wedding? I won't bring Sean. I'm coming. Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

You can only come if you bring Sean. Of course you're coming. I'm trying to not invite me. Also, don't get excited. If you know me, it's not going to be for like a couple of years. Well, if you know us, it's going to be next month. So you're going to get married at the bell house i'm doing the pencil mustache and the velour uh jacket at your wedding this is a preview of what i'm going to look like i'm going to be

the priest yeah i'll just be in the back going you you crying a little bit you tell us how it went down this is amazing um so we were um we just it was the morning we woke up we do this thing where we get an airbnb somewhere for just a weekend. And it doesn't really matter where it is. We just get like a really nice house because we're house people. Yeah. And so like, we're in this awesome place. We're in the Catskills.

And, you know, time doesn't work the same in my brain now. So I wasn't really thinking about it being fall and how gorgeous it would be up here. But it's fall and it's gorgeous up here. And we have this little creek in the backyard of this house. And so we woke up and he went and got breakfast. And then he was like, let's take Myrtle for a little walk out to the Creek. And we went down these little stairs to this Creek. And there was this moment where he had Myrtle and they were like playing in the water. And I took my phone out and I was like, take a picture of this moment so that you remember it forever. Cause this is really sweet.

You're so happy. You have everything you could ever need. And then we like walked up to the top of the stairs to go back into the house and he kind of like grabbed me in a way that I was like, what is this energy? And he was like, I love you. You thought you guys were gonna fight.

No, I just was like, what is up, dude? Like I kind of was, you always think you're gonna be like, I know what's happening, but I was like, what the hell, dude? And he was like, no, I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. And I was like, well, I'm of was, you always think you're going to be like, I know what's happening. But I was like, what the hell, dude? And he was like, no, I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. And I was like, well, I'm going to be with you for the rest of my life.

Let's go inside. And then he like got down on one knee, his left knee. He said he Googled it because he didn't know what knee to get down on. I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. And I wouldn't have noticed at all. I blacked out. I turned away. I was like, oh my God, wait, I don't have that. I didn't know that either. And I wouldn't have noticed at all. I blacked out. I turned away.

I was like, oh my God, wait. I don't have any makeup on. I don't know why that was my first thought. I'm going to have to unpack that with a therapist. And then he just had this beautiful ring. And I don't know anything about rings. So if you don't think it's beautiful, shut your mouth. It's perfect.

And I just was like, yeah, of course. And then now I just feel like I'm sparkling. You are sparkling. You are sparkling. You absolutely are. This wasn't today, was it? It was yesterday. That's why when you guys asked me once he did that, I was like, oh, I can't.

This is my engagement weekend. I can't do a podcast. And then I thought about it and I said to him, I was like, I would love to tell my friends about the thing that just happened to me. And I don't really have any way of doing that other than I just wanted to share it with, how cool. I'm going to be a wife. That is such a beautiful ring.

That's such a beautiful story. That's so nice. I just love him so much. He's just the best. And now he's mine. So that's it. And he's yours. Oh.

And what, like the, just like the perfect setting. And this is This is Dane, Dane Cook you're marrying? Yes No I'm like 25 years Too old for him I think I think so He looks like he is not into older women

I'll tell you that Dane Torres over there Now we're gonna to have real heat. Now he's going to be really mad at me. No, I love you, Shane. Stop. Katie, congratulations. Thank you guys so much.

Okay, that's it. I wanted that out of the way. And now I can just be a normal self. I'm so happy for you. That's so beautiful. Fantastic. I was all slick. I was like hiding it instead of just being like,

they're men. They're not going to notice until you point it out. I noticed now. For sure. Now that I like. Oh, yeah. Because I had it before I had it like this. But Katie, seriously.

Invite me. I won't bring Sean. Invite me. Just let me come. It's cold. Invite me and Connor Mel. We'll talk about it. We can negotiate.

When I proposed, I got down on both knees because I was begging. Invite me, please. I love a wedding. I love a wedding, too. But I've never had to plan one. Ian, what? Where do you even start? It sucks. we will chat

it doesn't i can i have i have a couple tips too if you want them i i mean there's things that'll help for sure what you do is you hire a real type a person who's always holding a clipboard how come nobody's ever talking about type b people Because we're always doing all the talking. What is type B? A mess, I think. I think it's just messy. I think it's this. I'm here for type B people. I'm here for 68. Yeah.

I realized the moment that I... What is 68? Why don't we know? Like the sexual position. 68-ing. Okay, thanks, Dad. When two people love each other very much, David, they make sure not to get

any of the sauce anywhere, so they 68. I don't think it's a love thing with a 68. Oh, my God. What do you think it is? It's a butt thing? It's a butt thing.

You wouldn't understand. I'm ruining this. That's the T-shirt. You're not ruining anything. It ended. No, it didn't. It could be going until this call's over. This call.

This call? Is that how you think of this? I have a call. Why are you steepling your hands? All right, guys, let's circle back and stay on topic here. Who's keeping minutes? Any of that. Let's try to hit the ground running next time, okay?

The guy who's giving off just sort of the wrong vibes right now, Sean S. Jordan on Twitter, Sean S. Jordan on Instagram, Shed Lasso on Apple TV+. Yeah. Yeah. This is great. I'm thrilled. Before you plug any dates. Thank you very much. My question for you is, of all the television favorites on Apple TV+, of all of our favorites, why did you go with Ted Lasso instead of maybe a,

I don't know, maybe like a Katie Nolan? I don't know, Friday Night Baseball. Unfortunately, no one's ever walked up to me and said, you are giving off the most Katie Nolan energy I've ever seen other than Katie Nolan.

Thank God. And I, I got that about Ted Lasso a lot. So just figured might as well. And this is a hand in glove situation. I'm pretty, I'm just going to wear it on Monday. Cause I don't have anything to do,

but I'm going to go to the grocery store as Ted Lasso. And is Max too young to like, she's a soccer ball. She's going to be a soccer ball. Oh my God. Oh my God. We already got the shit. God. Laura's Roy Kent.

And if you watch the show, she doesn't swear. Is she dressed up right now? No. She's still in the house. You motorboat and son of a bitch. She, I go, you're going to have to say fuck like once because she doesn't, you know, shouldn't swear. And so we'll see.

I'll keep you posted. I don't think it's going to go down. Can't wait. Can't wait. Yeah. Anyway, this is this is dope. It was my birthday yesterday. She took me to a little shop of horrors.

The music like the play. It was so sick. It was so sick. I could have cried. That's awesome. From the opening song, that Skid Row song. I could play, it was so sick. It was so sick. I could have cried from the opening song, that Skid Row song. I could have been crying the whole time. They were so good. Such good singers. Sing us a couple bars. Regale us with some

Little Shop of Horrors. Down on Skid Row You know that song, Poor All my life I've always been poor. I keep asking God what I'm for And he tells me, gee, i'm not sure sweep that floor kid oh i started life as an orphan child of the streets here on skid row he took me in gave me

shelter and food crust of bread and a job treats me like dirt and he calls me a slob because i am slob is a slang a slang term for a blood that's why i cracked up laughing that's why i broke give me right now tear into just for one second just give me one suddenly see more wait what if max is asleep uh i don't tear come on suddenly sit more standing beside me suddenly see more when audrey gets in there and you don't quite know what she's saying, where you're like, real, real chills. I have real chills. And last week I went to the lost boys play. So it was sick.

That's cool. You're a Vespian, huh? Yeah. I, and, and when we're in New York, I do it all.

I 68, I 67. When we're, when we're in New York, I see 65 one time. Yeah. Whoa, that's dangerous. i get to kick it

for an extra couple days and i'm gonna try to go to a play when we're in new york yeah i get to i get to hang out for like two extra days let's talk about this because we're gonna go see a play who's who who dana when we all go to new york she's well we'll all be in new york are you guys hanging for a couple days we're hanging for like three three days. I have to leave early, early. I didn't know that. Oh, man. Other than AFE stuff, you can catch me opening for my friends quite a bit. I will be with Ian Carmel at Rev Hall on November 18th.

I'll be with Kyle Kinane at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco, December 2nd and 3rd. And I'll be with David Borey at Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon, December 4th. Can you tell Kyle Kinane that I'm pretty cool? Because I don't think I gave that off at the wedding and I just want you to lay some groundwork for it. Would you like me to text Kyle right now that you're pretty cool? No.

That's not a way to make it seem like you're telling the truth. Can you tell Kyle Kinane that I'm slowly trying to talented Mr. Ripley him? Yeah. I love him, man. We could talk about man we could talk about davy how's the peeping how's the peeping talented mr ripley is really good if you haven't seen it give it a watch i think people i think if you haven't seen it you think it's going to be weird because matt damon plays an odd character but it's really good it's really good it's going to be weird because Matt Damon plays an odd character, but it's really good.

It's really good. It's Jude Law at the top of this game. Oh, you've got to watch it. It's great. Is that the one? No. What's the one where somebody gets hit by a car and they flip in a crazy way and they bounce off of another car? Vanilla Sky.

Closer. Is it closer? No. Meet Joe Black. Meet Joe Black? Yes, it is Meet Joe Black. Thank you. With Claire Forlani from Clerks and Bradley Pitt and Sir Anthony Hopkins. This movie is way better than Meet Joe Black. It, it is Meet Joe Black. Thank you. With Claire Forlani from Clerks and Bradley Pitt

and Sir Anthony Hopkins. way better than Meet Joe Black. It is. Okay, good. Most movies are. I just, that scene is the funniest scene in a movie

because I haven't, I don't think I've seen that movie either. I think I've just seen that scene and I was like, you guys are kidding me. This isn't real. That was an early going around on the internet video.

Yeah. Yeah, I've been around. I've been around the block. Round and round. And now she's off the market. Oh my God. Pretty rad. Off the market.

Stop it. Off the market. Oh my God. Stop. And look behind you. Look at that fall weather. That's the weather you got engaged in. That's crazy.

You look like you're in a Duplass thriller. Yeah. But in a good way. No, in a good way. Okay. All right. I had to postpone my proposal for a few seconds because a dog was pooping behind Laura when I was about to ask.

So I had to stop. That's very funny. I had to kill like 15 seconds. I sent the dog. That's very funny. I sent the dog. Ian didn't want it to happen. I didn't want to lose my boy.

Go shit. Go make. Go make. I just said that and my dog started growling. Go shit. Go make. Go make. I just said that and my dog started growling. Hey, quiet. I was just joking. It was just a bit for a podcast. Okay, she said she's sorry.

Sean Jordan, opening for his friends. David Borey is here as well. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. Not on Twitter. Much like Katie Nolan is no longer available for romantic doing. I should have waited until the end. David Borey is no longer available for tweets. I don't got him.

Although Elon Musk buying it is probably going to bring him back, just from what I've heard. You know, he sent me a DM and he was like, I need you back. And I was like, I'm not the hero that this city needs. That's right. But I'm the one they deserve. That's right.

He's coming back. I'm not on Twitter. Trump's coming back. Borey's coming back, dude. No, I'm so glad I'm not over there. Yeah, hey, you know, it's me. It's me. You can see me on December 3rd at the Hereafter in seattle you can see me december 4th at helium

comedy club in portland oregon you can see me i've been so bad about dates i'm tired y'all i don't want to go on the road anymore google it google it google it you hose uh but you know i'm out here spinelli energy that was that was the weirdest intro i've ever done i'm out here yeah quit making him tell him his dates you look up his dates you look up my dates i don't i don't i don't even i don't even like stand up spine. Spinelli's from Recess. Okay. Oh, my God, you do look like Spinelli. That was completely spot on.

But do go see me do stand-up. I'm at the top of my game, best I've ever been. He's so funny right now. I've heard that. He's so funny right now. I've heard that. Heard that about me? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's about as good as it's going to get, guys.

I'm not as good as it gets. It guys I'm not saying as good as it gets it's a slow descent into madness after this fatherguidosarducci.com come see me yes sir Katie Nolan is here

at Katie Nolan on Twitter at Nady Colon on Instagram the K in the N. That's right. Switch places. Have I told you that I always think of a roster saying it when I see it? Like, Naty Colon. That's great.

I love that. Booyaka, booyaka. That also sounds like bad butt, though. Yeah. Like a naughty colon. Yeah, that's what I think. That's what I think of my hair. If you're over 40, chant down Babylon at your doctor. Together, we're going to chant down colon cancer.

That is a good joke. Oh, man. Oh, my God. the real crazy bald head is polyps crazy bald head man you are a funny guy. Them crazy bald heads. Katie, the baseball season is pert near over. It is, but I do, I want to say. And your baseball season has concluded. Mine's done. Yeah.

But the World Series is still happening when this drops? Probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it'll still be going on when this drops. Because go Phils. Go Phils. Go Phils. We love a lot of the great stories.

They got magic this year, you guys. I know you're big baseball people, so I ain't got to tell you. Yeah, you're right. But the Phillies are just doing this. They're not, nobody thought they'd be here, and everybody thought Houston would be here, so it's a real David Goliath. Yeah.

And, of course, we root for David in such situations. And they're just a fun David to root for. So go, Phils. I hope when this runs, they will have won and it's over. The Phillies have a bunch of burly dudes. Yeah, dude. Just burly, hairy. You know their locker room smells like farts,

but also they dance to that Robin song, right? But not the Robin version of it. They dance to somebody's version of Dancing on My Own, which was a Red Sox thing last year. So I feel like Kyle Schwarber might be responsible for bringing that to Inside Baseball. Let's not get in the weeds here. Schwarber, literally

Inside Baseball. Pretty crazy, huh? Ian, you put your lips to say Schwarber right... Schwarber. Schwarber. Schwarber. you got Bryce Harper who's like you know that's a big story because he left Washington and then right after he left they won their world series so he's got that chip on his shoulder and now he hit the home run that sent them into the it's great it's all great go Phil's go Phil's it's true it's hard for me to root

against Alex Bregman great Jewish athlete but I'll fucking do it. Fuck the Astros. Go Phillies. Thank you. Nice. Go Phillies. Go Phillies. Get it, Philly. Have you ever been to Philly?

We know we've never been to Philly. We should do a tour date in Philly one of these days. Is that collar getting itchy, David? What's going on? I don't like wearing it. Yeah, it feels like, ah, it's hot in here. Is it hot in here? David has removed his vestments, his priestly vestments. I denounced it. I'm it feels like, ah, it's hot in here. Is it hot in here? David has removed his vestments.

His priestly vestments. I denounced it. I'm back with the shits. I'm outside now. There it is. You're betrothed? You're currently betrothed? Anything else to promote? No. I got some stuff to figure

out, I guess. That's the phase of my life I'm in. That's the rest of it. I guess. That's the rest of it. It's some stuff to figure out. Boof. But no, we're happy right now, so let's stay here. I've just decided I'm not going to wear socks to your wedding, but in a cool way.

Okay. All right. Like in a cool way. No, don't look away. In a cool way. Like you guys are going to be like, oh, David's wearing loaf look away in a cool way like you guys are gonna be like oh david's wearing loafers with no socks i like that he must have been in cuba i like that what if the wedding is in cuba

you had me at wedding dog then i'll put on my cuban whites and it's up to you to decide what that means. Cuban whites. A lot of those fled to Cuba or fled to Florida. Are we now, are we thinking summer? Are we thinking winter? Because I need to start shopping fabric right now. Yeah, that's a good point.

That is a good point. Now see, I wouldn't have ever even said summer, but now the thought of you not wearing a linen suit makes me sad. Well, let me sort of just think that you've got the linen suit. You're holding that in your head. Obviously, it looks beautiful. It looks amazing.

I look fantastic. Now, enter me in sort of a velvet jacket. Oh, wow. Now, that's more of a winter. Thanks for taking me on that journey with you. Now, I'm in a velvet jacket. Picture me in some type of salamander sandals. Yeah.

Well, I don't even know what that means exactly think about that it's a it's a google for later it's a sean is wearing a sean's dress like ted lasso yeah a kilt a utila kilt sean's in there not a utila kilt like a beautiful like a beautiful jacket kilt combination with brass buttons he's wearing he's wearing a t-shirt that is a horse and a noose yeah is there any irish is there any irish getting married in this wedding are you irish or is dan irish yeah i'm a i'm a quarter irish oh so it'll be happening it'll be happening in steerage this wedding just just making sure i should sneak in sneak in a tiny amount of whiskey because there

will be whiskey there so i you know if there wasn't i was going to sneak in a tiny amount of whiskey because there will be whiskey there. So if there wasn't, I was going to sneak in a bunch. But as it stands, I'll just sneak in a little bit. So are only the Irish allowed to have whiskey at their wedding? Oh, no. The blacks will have whiskey at your wedding. I do believe, based on where I stopped remembering my night, the Jews had whiskey at their wedding as well.

Yeah, they did. Oh, they did. They did. They had whiskey and they had booze. Yeah, they did. Oh, they did. They did. They had whiskey and they had booze. I had a bunch of Beetlejuices, I think. Yeah. There's some whiskey in that. Like 15 Beetlejuices.

Oh, yeah. Good signature cocktail while we're still complimenting your wedding, which I'll stop doing. But good signature cocktails. Strong. Nettie and a Beetlejuice. We had that donut drop late. And a tea to take home.

A tea to take home. Come on, you guys are classic. Oh, I've been drinking that tea. It's so nice. I'll bring you, I got like hella that tea. I'll bring some backups for you when we come to New York. Did you guys name it? Does it have a name?

Because I just keep calling it a nice big cup of Dana and Ian, which is kind of weird. Carmel Sunday. Oh my God. Because we got married on a Sunday. Just gorgeous. Just so beautiful. Beautiful. It's beautiful.

My last name. Noel. Noel. Noel. It's beautiful. My last name. Noel. Noel. Noel. Fernat. What do we do about that? Let's do it. Let's offline this.

We'll off mic it. I don't know what to do about that. You know what? Your hashtag should be, yeah, no dur. That should be your hashtag. Oh, boy. Or we'll workshop it. This is the writer's room.

This is the writer's room. No dur, she said yes. Or Solon. He could be Dan Nolan. No, dear. She said yes. Or Solon. He could be Dan Nolan. No, God. What? Dan Nolan? Dan Nolan sounds like a dork. Dan Nolan. Sounds like a dad.

How the hell are you? How the hell are you? Dan Nolan. Nolan Heating in HVAC. Nice to meet you. What if now is when I say my dad's name's Dan Nolan, guys? Oh, is it? No, it's Mike. Man, my palms started sweating. Mike Nolan.

Mike Nolan, that's a firm name. That's right. M-K-N. It sounds like a guy who beat you up one time but you still respect him. What's the K? You're like, Mike Nolan beat my ass once. My name is Kelly. Michael Kelly Nolan.

Michael Kelly Nolan. Holy buckets. I got to shake that guy's hand. What's it going to be? I'm going to start doing it. Any relation to Kelly Roland? Because I'm looking for an N. He's Kelly Nolan.

I'm fiancee Knowles. Together we are. Destiny's family. And somebody's the third one. Michelle Williams fiance Knowles. Together we are. Destiny's family. And somebody's the third one. Michelle Williams. It rotates. There were four at one point. Oh yeah. I always forget about that. That first video right? And then she was out

quickly. They kicked out two real quick and then got Kelly if I'm not mistaken. She was disappeared. You are right. They kicked out the two like right away and then Kelly came in and then they were great. No they were were good with four don't be like that i wonder what those other two are doing i should look it up sorry go ahead well i'll tell you what they're doing they're coming to uh some of these uh these dates i'm about to announce on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish happy for katie nolan app uh millions of people on there. Millions of people on there. So, a number

of dates. First, Los Angeles, LA. Come see me running my new hour at Dynasty Typewriter Thursday, November 10th at 10pm. It's going to be me. It's going to be some friends. I'm running an hour.

We're going to have a great time. So come see that. And then, I think the very next day? Yeah. The very next day, Seattle, Washington, we will be at the Crocodile doing a live all fantasy everything. We added it

late. Tickets still available, but they're going quick. Come see your boys in Seattle. We're going to be up there. Our guest is Gary Payton, Sean Kemp, and Detlef Schrimpf. Yep. Don't joke with me like that, dude. come see your boys in seattle we're gonna be up there our guest is gary payton sean camp and that left shrimp yep don't joke with me like that dude it's you want to get your eyes on nick nampe he will be there i'm driving him up nick nampe's coming up oh is he coming oh yeah baby oh yeah i was thinking about i think my brother might come yeah we're taking a trip man i might have to move my flight back then all right uh nickname pale be there i'll take an

extra i'll take it what is that oh gary payton weed yeah amazing katie nolan may or may not have gary payton weed depending on like a glove the legality of a newer area uh so we'll be there the following weekend november 18th i will be in portland oregon at revolution hall performing stand-up comedy. Sean Jordan will be there. I'll be there. Some other very special guests will be there. I'm going to host. I was thinking about it the other night. I want to do it. You want to host it? I want to host.

It's yours. It's fucking yours. Running it. Going to be some really fun stand-up comedy with some really fun and funny friends. Some of whom I can announce. Some of whom I cannot announce. It's going to be great. Then the 20th, we sold out Revolution Hall for the AFE.

It's too late. You blew it. And then we will be in Boston, Massachusetts at Wilbur Hall, December 15th. Tickets still available. Tickets available. As it is a 1,200 seat venue. For the Wilbur Theater, you can come see us. We've sold a lot of them, but

we'd love to sell more as it is a 1,000 seat venue that we have committed to performing at for some reason. Brooklyn! Travel! Come from anywhere. If you're in Honolulu and you wanted to come see us, come doo-doo. Come to

Boston in December. Why not? It's really lovely this time of year. It's beautiful. Yeah, the Dunkin' is fresh. That's right. I'll tell you what, when we shake your hand, it stays shook. So come on and do that meet and greet.

We have an extra special secret guest that we can't announce in Boston. Then we will be in Brooklyn the following night, December 16th. First show is already sold out. Second show some tickets still available. Those are going very fast. Come see us. Definitely go to that one. Come see both shows. Come to the late show. Come to the late show. Katie Nolan

will be the guest of the late show. Can we say it? We say it right now. I just said it. I just fucking said it. Hell yeah. Katie Nolan, guest of the second show. Come get your tickets. The last live episode you did is, I think, my favorite episode of this ever.

Probably the best. Yeah, I don't know. If you got any topic suggestions, hit me. We need a banger. It's the best time I've ever had doing this. It was so fun. I think I was hammered. I think I was hammered.

Oh, we were all hammered. I think I was very drunk. Should we just do that same thing? And then we went and did karaoke. Let's do Disney songs again. Let's just fucking run it back. I have adventures that have evolved. So come see all those shows. Come buy tickets. Come see us on the road.

We will be announcing more dates soon. We're working those out right now. I have to land the plane that is the late late show in the meantime oh that's right we will be wide open wide open is that plane gonna take off again with with a different pilot or i think so i'm not really sure i think i think so i haven't been privy to those conversations uh but we will be hitting the road again perhaps internationally god be so gnarly perhaps internationally more to come on that now we are gathered here today not to uh speculate about a trip across the pond but also to fancy draft things that suck but you have to do them anyway

which when the four of us record it's actually get to the pics we've been doing this for an hour we just love chat we just love fucking chat uh i like it it's a conference a call as sean called it a call sean the call uh we're we went uh I don't really care what people say. I don't really. Watch what they want to do. Give me the light. And the Bacardi Lamont. I always thought he was saying, give me the light and the Bacardi Lamont.

It's not what he said. We used to say that in high school. Really? Because that was what we would drink. Yeah, it was pretty gross. Now I can't touch the stuff. Yeah, shout out to Bacardi. I left that in the early aughts. Dude, it's been a while. We don't drink Bacardi. At the party., shout out to Bacardi. I left that in the early aughts.

Dude, it's been a while. We don't drink Bacardi. At the party. Remember that time? Bacardi. Do people still... I know there's like Bacardi Superior. I always said he mixed it with Cristal

because he's a fucking idiot. There's Bacardi Superior, but do people still get like Bacardi O and Palomone and all that stuff? I think the children, yeah, do still drink that. The people who were our age when we did it, yeah. Absolutely. Same people who buy blueberry Burnett's vodka.

But I never see Bacardi anymore. There used to be like a mountain dew. You can't see it. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's like when your nose blinds to the smell of your house. Your eye blinds to the shit you can't look at. It's not for your eyes. Your eyes don't even go to it anymore.

For their eyes only. Mine just go to the dark part of the liquor aisle, and unfortunately, yeah. Same. I haven't drank rum in, I straight up don't think I've had rum in like three, four years. Well, when we do that show in Cuba,

or when Katie gets married in Cuba, we'll have some rum. I feel like I've done rum, but only in like a fun cocktail where I wasn't getting drunk. You know what I mean? Where I like had a taste. Yeah.

Like a Mai Tai in Hawaii. Oh, you know what it was? You know what it was? And I bet David for you too, when we went to Palm Beach or Palm Springs, because we all were doing those drinks by the pool and Ian was getting a rum floater. I'd never heard of.

Oh yeah. So that was the last time. Oh, I think I had, I think you brought me rum in Vegas. You became a man that weekend. And we will put a button on it right there. And you brought me rum in Vegas, Sean. You don't want to keep going into that weekend?

No. The way we did it. Wait, wait, wait. Before you do that, look how regal she looks. I mean, my goodness. Oh, my God. Is she just sitting there watching you? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Sniffing stuff. She's descended from, which royal line is it? Wolves. It's the Baskervilles. The Baskervilles. The Hound of. The Hound thereof. That's right. That's correct.

In light of that, the way we determine the order of the draft is to throw a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors, and we throw on shoot. The old so-and-sos. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, and we throw on shoot, the old so-and-sos. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Ooh, David wins. David wins. Always. Always. Because of the dumb

rule that I don't agree with, but let me shut up. Go ahead, David. Well, David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I want to remind you of something you need to wrap. What is that? What's that? It's like trick-or-treating when you start on... I'm not to upon you to determine the order of today's wrap. Before you do that, I want to remind you that this is a revenue wrap. What is that? It's like trick-or-treating when you start on... I'm not hammered, by the way.

I don't know why I said it like that. It's like trick-or-treating. It's like Chris Christ, Chris Christ. You start on one side of the street. You go all the way down. You hit all the houses with their porch lights on. All the ones without their porch light. You throw an egg at the door and move it.

Keep going. And then cross the street. Go back all the way down to the other side. Go down a block all the way back down to the other side and keep doing that. And when you get home, check your candy for razor blades. And free drugs. And then a new thing I'm finding out about is the Switch Witch, where parents will be like, all right, do you want the Switch Witch to come?

And they'll give the kid like 10 bucks. And then they'll just take their bag of candy have you heard about that you don't need to introduce these extra incentives it's so the kids don't know it's to get them to stop eating the candy take the candy take the candy was the best part like when you got to like it kept that is what i think got us through to Christmas was the like, you would slowly every day eat a little bit of your holly candy. Then there'd be that like mid, like late November, right before Thanksgiving or whatever, you would be like, oh, it's my last candy. And then it was Thanksgiving. And then it was the Christmas season. And then it was Christmas.

I don't like candy that much, though. So I would smash all the shit I liked early. And then I would just have a nasty bag of candy till the next year smarties and stuff no yeah we don't need to pay off these kids for their candy you know what you do you give them some of it you take the rest of it and you say that's life baby i don't know man you talk to me talk to me talk to me when you got that kid yes you talk to me you talk to me you talk to me. I don't know. We'll see. Are you going to be like, lay down the law, dad? I think I'll be fairly comfortable taking the candy. No.

I cannot wait two years from now. I can't wait. Well, four years from now. Have this discussion with you. We'll see. We'll see. That candy's coming with me, kiddo. Well, check it for razor blades and fentanyl when you take it.

Basically, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? David, Katie, Sean, Ian. David, Katie, Sean, Ian Carmel, Hot Corner. Hot Corner. More like Dork Corner. Fuck you!

That was rude. Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry dude i love you uh david you have the first pick in the things that suck but we have to do them anyway all fantasy everything grabbed and we will get to that pick right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by policy genius policy genius i'm going to hit you we're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policygenius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get

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with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. I went, so I asked Shane Brennan to go to the mall for my birthday yesterday. I was like, come to the Vancouver mall with me and get lunch. And he goes, it was your birthday yesterday. But he goes, you want to go to the mall and get lunch for your birthday? And I go, yeah, man.

And then I, the whole way there, I just explained to him my attachment to the mall and like three different stages of my life and so much of it is being broke because the mall is free but you can go and you feel like you're you're there with everybody else who might be spending a little money that crip walk video did i i'm sorry no what they certainly didn't send it to me no it was i was i had a whole set up first birthday. It's just as the connection with the mall. I don't know. But anyway,

I just love them all. I just love it. And the Vancouver mall sucks by the way. And they're the same everywhere. I love it. I love them all. Man. Lloyd's center is,

is on its deathbed, dude. It's a bummer. It is a bummer to see. Is it going out? It is. I mean, I saw Lloyd's center. That's a mall. It is a bummer to see is it going out it is i mean i saw what's the light center that's a mall it was like the portland mall i saw an open theft there the other day i just saw this

kid run out of forever 21 with some jeans and it was so buck damn what happens in your body when that when you see something scary like that i got excited i got reminded me of being young. Kind of. I got, I got an interesting feeling. I got a pit. I got, I got a pit. I get a pit. I was in a, Dan and I were stuck in traffic once somewhere in like,

get it, trying to get out of New York. And we were on almost, I want to say it's like in my mind, it's like the BQE when they have those parts where you can just like pull right off into Queens. And somebody like ran up a man. We saw a man running from behind us in traffic,

which is you don't think about that until you see it. It's very scary. Where's that guy going? Running up a lane of traffic to the car right in front of us, diagonally in front of us. He smashed in the back window and smashed it in with a bat. And I was like my stuff. I just dropped into my stomach and was like,

something bad's going to happen. Dan was like, oh shit just dropped into my stomach and was like something bad's gonna happen that Dan was like oh shit something bad's gonna happen I have the same kind of like whoa I have no fear for my physical body oh my god when stuff is going down I'm always like I don't know why something in my brain is like if they turn and look at you what are you gonna do how are you like if they make eye contact with you, what are you going to do? How are you like, if they make eye contact with me, that's the right way to feel. I never assume it's going to happen.

Cause I'm always like, I'm always like, what the fuck is he going to, I'm just standing here. What the fuck am I going to do? You know what I mean? No, I get scared,

but I get on point too. I start to be really aware of what's going, when it's a fight, it's different. Buck shit. I love to see, I love to see Buckness, but a fight is different.

You know what I mean? Like if somebody is out, you love to see i love to see buckness but a fight is different you know what i mean like if somebody's out you love to see buck in the wild if somebody throws a rock through a window or something like oh but if somebody's fighting okay then it's different or like if there's a weapon or something if somebody's fighting i'm just like if i stand over here i'll be all right what are you gonna do yeah not fight me i going to say we've been back. And we've been back. Oh, shit. Cut all that out. I forgot we were away.

Cut it out? No, no, no. No, leave it in. No, whatever. The married stuff, we don't need to talk about. Oh, yeah. Get rid of all the stuff that clearly, the parts where David gets next to the third rail and goes, oh, get rid of all that.

The buck shit stays. The buck stops here. The buck started back there. I got the first pick, right? That's right. Things will suck, but you have to do them anyway. David Moore, you have the first pick. Man, this is the first

thing that came to my mind. I feel like everybody feels this way. Laundry dog. It's never fun. Laundry dog. Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. It's never fun. It's never done. It's never done.

It's never done. I never have enough underwear. I never, ever. I will go, because I tour all the time, bro. I never. I bring eight pairs of underwear for a weekend just in case, because I'm like, who knows? These ones might get crazy.

And I just enjoy doing laundry. Oh, get out. I'm going to kill you. Disgusting. I'm going to kill you. I like it. Tell me the top three things about it. I'm going to shoot you with a gun.

What are you talking about? Tell me the three things you love about it. You like doing laundry? It's satisfying. You fucking dark. Get out. You do it. It's a chore that you only have to do for like 30 seconds. You throw it in the-

That's not true. That's patently, everybody always says that. Everybody knows you do laundry for two weeks. Do you guys have a bucket and a washboard? Like how are you doing laundry? Including in laundry is putting it away. Putting it away is included. Oh, that's worse.

That part is harder. That's worse. It sucks. Probably it away is included. Oh, that's worse. That part is harder. That's worse. It sucks. Folding it sucks. I have not figured out a way to fold a shirt so that when I take it out of the drawer, first of all, I can tell which shirt it is when it's in my drawer. And second of all, when I take it out, it's not

wrinkled. And I have to toss it in the dryer first. Sleeve, sleeve. And a fold. Yeah, but you gotta get it perfectly. It's meticulous. I hang everything and it sucks it sucks it's annoying i hang every article clothing you hang t-shirts all of them i i hang i no i don't hang t-shirts i have all my t-shirts hung up all my button-ups all my sweatshirts and my pants are full i fold my pants I hang anything with buttons. I like the rule that you have. I hang my hoodies too. I hang hoodies up.

That goes up. They take too much space when they're folded. Yeah. I have not figured out a solution to my hoodies yet. Wrinkles can't happen. Does it really work to throw your shit in the dryer for a second if it's wrinkled though? Does that actually work? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you throw it in there too with something that's like damp, like if you take like a cloth or a towel or underwear if you want and soak it and throw it in there with with something that's like damp, like if you take like a cloth or a towel or underwear, if you want, and soak it and throw it in there with it, it'll help. It'll like steam it. Can I just pee in there a little bit?

And then it like better. No, absolutely not. No. You can. I can. What's going to happen? Yeah, okay. I just don't have wrinkles

and I just won't get close to anyone at your wedding. And then it should be all good. And dogs will follow you down the street. They do anyways. I'm out here. Why should I worry? I kind of, I don't know. I find it satisfying.

Yeah, I love it. Fold, I like to fold. Because you can like throw, it's a chore you can do while you're watching. Like somebody feed Phil or something. Ian is an alien from space, but I am here to tell you that that shit is the worst. It sucks.

You are the only person I've ever met who likes laundry. And I love it for you, and I wish that I had that. I think, well, smash like and subscribe if you enjoy laundry. I was a latchkey kid. I've been consistently doing laundry since 1995. Oh, yikes. And I'm just tired.

I'm just tired. Do you at least separate it into different loads? Of course I do it right. Okay. Everybody talks like I'm an animal. I do it right. I do it right. No,

what? I just talked to somebody who knows a man and now sees how he does laundry. And I'm like, you put what in with what? I have bleach. I do it right. Nice. Good job, David. I separate colors, lights and have bleach. I do it right. Nice. Good job, David.

I separate colors. Lights and darks. I do whites by themselves. Hot water. I got the whole thing down. I hate it. This man. I've always hated it.

I will hate it forever till the day that I fucking die. I'm with you. God forbid. If God could send an angel to me, all I would be like is just do my laundry. I don't need anything else from you, angel. And scratch my back. And give me scratchies. I hang up all of my shirts. I never dry them, so it sucks having to hang everything up after I wash. I dry

my underwear and socks, but not my shirts. I feel like the more Sean tells me about how he does his laundry, the more I'm going to be like, alright, don't do that. You can dry people. Do less. You start peeling that onion, that shit is that. You can drive people. Like, do less DJing. And every, you start peeling that onion, that shit is crazy in the middle. Exactly, exactly.

You want to get in there? Get in there. This is nuts. Laundry. They got places that'll, there's like services you can use that'll just do your laundry and drop it back off. In LA, I did wash and fold.

I used to work for one in LA. But now I got in-unit laundry, and I'm like, I'd pay, I like, I'd- Sean, you used to work for one in LA. But now I got in-unit laundry and I'm like, I'd pay. Sean, you used to work for one. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Did they do your laundry right? Or did they just toss it all in one big? Because I'm like, what if they don't separate my whites from my...

It was up to us. So I was one of the people that picked it up and dropped it off. And it was up to us to make sure that all the laundry was in the right bag and i never once did that i only worked like five or six shifts but it was so hard because people we had like six different colored bags we were supposed to look in there and make sure that these things were supposed to be in those bags and i like you know those jobs where they don't sound they don't train you at all they just they're like here just go do it now i was like polyester and it was it was all kinds of shit like all the denims all the like every all the silk all the bedding it all had to be in different so you were being asked to do

the laundry and you were like i can't do this and i was like no i put it all in one yeah it was we don't need it was hell that job was i bet insane I would never want to touch other people's dirty clothes. Are you kidding me? People talked to you like you were an animal at that job. People talked to me like I didn't know the alphabet. Anyway. Name four letters. C-R-I-P,

baby. There he is. There he is. Fucking sharp, dude. Sharp, bro. My boy is sharp dude sharp bro my boy is sharp dude C-rip oh that's there it is please start

calling me C-rip will ya I will I will I'm not ever gonna do that C-rip uh Katie Nolan what's something that sucks but you have to do anyway uh uh reading the entire article not just the headline oh baby put it on my tombstone

and look i know we're all acting like what i always read the entire no you don't sometimes the headline and the and the context of the tweet in which you first saw it you're like i know what this is all about it thinks it's different but i know what it is and you tweet about it and then in five minutes you're like i should have read that you gotta read the article because i'm telling you if we don't and we grew up back in the times when like the only way you could find the news was if you read an article the further they're getting away from it the younger gender it's like someone's got to hold on to it. We got to be responsible. The headlines will always be hyperbolic. They're written by somebody completely different.

Their point is to get you there. But once you're there, you got to read. We all got to be reading and learning. It's just toppings. It's just toppings. You got to eat the pizza. You got to eat the pizza. That's right.

The headlines they do to get you in there and get people upset, too i understand that that's the game right now like that's i get it you have to get the clicks and the shares and everything it just sucks because like i saw a headline the other day that was like great so you canceled kanye call me when blah blah blah and it was like oh my god it's never enough but it's always too much and you're just do? And then it was like a well-reasoned, you know what I mean? It was like, it was like they were, you know, they were like behind whatever the quote unquote canceling of Kanye, like, but it just made it sound like it was like, oh, so you had to cancel Kanye. It was just like, the headline was the opposite of what the article was saying.

And I got all pissed. And then I read it and I was like, oh, you know, and like, yeah. Which is what they wanted to have happen. That's exactly what they wanted. But most people don't even read it and I was like, Oh, you know, and like, yeah. Oh, which is what they wanted to have happen. That's exactly what they wanted. Most people don't even read it. They just like quote tweet it. No, it's fucking,

well, that's where it like Facebook, all that shit. My mom will hit me with a factory too. Or my aunt is, is gnarly with it where she'll just be like, do you, she'll post something,

a screenshot of a headline and then just be like, this is bullshit. And you're like, I, you didn't even open the webpage to read that article. You're like, you didn't even open the webpage to read that article. You just saw that my nephew posted that somewhere and you saw it and you trust him with your life for some reason. I remember a couple of years ago when I first started having to say the most common follow-up question to my mom was, and what website was that

on? And she'd be like, Facebook. And I'd be like, and the little thing in the bottom that would have directed you to another website what website was that she was like freedomtruthsite.org I'm like ma we can't we don't if it wasn't written on the front of a paper when you were little something like that like just

double check it somewhere so anyway read the headlines and then read the stuff and that doesn't mean you always have to read stuff that's depressing. You can skip some stuff, but then don't speak on that stuff. Skip it. Absolutely. If you skip it, don't speak on it.

I'm out here skipping most of the stuff. Only speak on it when you've done the stuff, when you've read the article. I don't speak on it. That sucks, but we got to do it. I don't speak on shit. Yeah, or just stay mum. That's why I'm off of Twitter. We all need to get out of the point of view where it's like we need to make press releases.

You know what I mean? Yeah, my opinion on this is the most important. Yeah. Not really. I don't want you guys to know what I think or do about anything. I will say, I quote tweeted the article but did not read it, and the headline was, Huge amount of bologna and cheese seized by the Canadian Border Patrol border patrol there you go they're grabbing bncs up there oh no california border patrol apparently and i and again i didn't read the article but apparently okay they are bringing

in some sort of contraband bologna from mexico something like bologna down in mexico yeah is it bull we don't do here anymore i don't know dude here's the article here's what i'm hearing is there's an exotic i bet it's hogwash there's an exotic new brand of bologna hitting the streets yeah i think i got some kind of new pig i thought i would have got some type of text alert uh pimento pimento loaf if you could get all could get in an altered state from eating bologna, maybe you can, I guess, if you eat enough bologna. Did you ever fry bologna? I used to do when I was a kid.

It just tastes like a hot dog. You put them in the microwave, they bowl up and we'd fill the bowl with barbecue sauce and eat it like a fork like we were young gentlemen. I'm going to kill you. Are you saying you made a bread bowl out of a slice of bologna and then you filled it with barbecue sauce?

Yeah, dude. I don't often feel like I'm a chef. But me and you talking about Brian Bologna is very different. A bologna boat. You have a pan, you monster. We also had a microwave and not a lot of time had to get out and play football on the street this article has the words 484 pound baloney seizure which was

something i was headed towards before the weight loss oh that was my hardcore band 484 pound baloney seizure yeah yeah yeah you guys opened for slint yeah we played warp tour a couple years it didn't go no big deal you know bologna's got a g in it of course yeah yeah got a g i knew that c rip my bologna has a first name and it's o-s-c-a-r yeah there we go and it's got a last name m-e-y-e-r it's s-o--E-R now. My bologna was called luncheon meat. It was a little cheaper. Do you remember luncheon meat? You just got me all distracted.

You guys go do your picks. I'm going to look out the window and think about my fiance. Sean Jordan, speaking of picks, dude. You were a fiance once. Make your pick. Going to the dentist. Oh, yeah. That's a good one.

That's a really, really good one. It's a first round pick. It's a good one. That's a really, really good one. It's a first round pick. It's a utility pick for sure. But I spent the last two, the year before last, I spent the whole year fixing what I had done the previous 15. And, uh,

it costs a lot. It hurt a lot. It's fixed, but it, and I know I've said that we've all said this in different ways. Go to the dentist. Don't be scared. Go to the dentist. It's going to, it, and I know I've said that we've all said this in different ways. Go to the dentist. Don't be scared. Go to the dentist.

It's going to, it's, it never gets better. It doesn't fix itself. So just go. Can I also say dentists try not to be dicks? Yeah. No, people don't want to come to you. I had a lady that when I got out of college and that was the like, Obamacare was like a thing, but it hadn't been a thing.

And so there was like a bit where my insurance lapsed and I didn't go to the dentist for like two years. And then I went and the guy was so mean that I was like, okay, like I know I'm mad at me, but it kind of wasn't my fault. That's adorable. Just try to be nice. You didn't go for two years. I didn't get a second.

Oh, no, no. David, the point of the story is the guy was so mean that then I didn't go for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. So just be nice. Just be understanding because it makes it immediately disarms a patient that's scared. Everybody's just scared.

Your job, you guys spend time in our mouths. That's weird. Every medical professional. Put everybody in my mouth. I got text messages about the same thing. Anyone in my mouth should be nice. I should have a good relationship with anyone in my mouth. My dentist in Portland is a dream.

You'd think that. She is, her name's Nicole. She is fantastic. I love it. A good one. A nice one. And she's just killer. I told her I'd been 15 years with,

I went once in the middle there, but kind of 15 years. And she was just like, I've seen longer. Don't worry about it. She's so cool with the pain. Because I tell her, I'm like, I got no pain tolerance in my mouth. And she's like, well, then we'll make sure you are numb.

How do you know? Can I ask how you know that? I just, I always feel, it always hurts. Everything in my mouth hurts. You have a tender mouth. I've always said that about you. You're a man of tender mouths. I got a tender mouth. Soft spoken. I'm tender headed. it happens velvet tongue she hooks it up man and then uh yeah anyway go to the dentist if any of you out there are like in your

early 20s or whatever age like but especially people in their early 20s and you're thinking like i don't need to go to the dentist right now let me tell you this you you'll end up going on average once every six months and whether that happens all in one year when you're 37 or every six months when you're whatever ages you're supposed to be going you will rack up that average you will go yeah 20 times in 10 years it just might it just might all be in one year but also all you young thundercats i understand you're out here bopping and shaking you can't get to the dentist i feel like everybody's getting fake teeth now i feel like they're all popping caps on there and just being like i'm trying to get this shit taken yeah everybody every time i see someone with a perfect i'm like

you those are sanded down those are perfectly sanded down yeah i'm trying to get the veneers look at below before and after. It's crazy. He looked like a gargoyle before he had his fake teeth. You talking about Affleck? Yeah. Oh yeah, dude. Yeah, but then what if they screw him up? What if they screw up your teeth and then you got big teeth and you're like, these aren't even mine. They're not going to screw them up.

Matthew Perry's got those bad fronts. They're too wide. That's because Matthew Perry has bad karma coming his way. Matthew Perry better not speak on Keanu ever again. Put him on the rack. Put him on the fucking rack. Ever again.

How dare you? He was out there putting on his gums. Anyone who's ever worked with Keanu has been like a saint, an angel, a sweetheart. And Matthew Perry's like, how come you didn't die? You know what, Matthew Perry? Back up. Back up, dude. The fuck is this? Back up, dude. and Matthew Perry's like how come you didn't die you know what Matthew Perry back up back up dude back up dude get you work through your shit on your own time

such a weird move Matthew Perry from Chandler Bong friends oh that show is bad you don't have to come hard for all of it we're just kind of coming for this one guy go to the dentist go to the dentist. That shit sucks, Doug.

I don't fuck with that at all. He stinks. We're mad at him. My first pick is going to make me sound depressed. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. I didn't mean to cut you off. Look in the mirror at least once a day. I didn't mean, and I don't mean it to be depressed because I sincerely enjoy my life.

It's going to be getting out of bed. I love it. It's waking up. Yeah. It's getting out of bed. I had the same thing. I'm like, it's going to be too dark. You can't say that.

And I like once I'm awake, but it fucking sucks so bad. Sucks. When it's like cold and it's seven and all you want to do is just like stay in bed. You're so warm. Perhaps you have your lover next to you. There's no uncomfortable position when you're, when you've been sleeping and you wake up, you've already been asleep for like six hours and you wake up and you're

like, I could just go to sleep standing up if I wanted to. Right. Yeah. You're just so in the, there's nothing like I am. If I have nothing to do that day, you know what I mean?

Like if I could sleep till noon, I want to wake up at seven or eight. Yeah. But if I have to be up at seven it's the fucking word i just i've never been more capable of sleeping more i've it's just i feel worse you gotta do it though you gotta get out of bed and start your day and then i'm happy to have my day going but it's just you don't gotta do it you gotta do it right like if every now and then you don't do it it's okay it's okay but so that's also true that's also true of laundry i guess yeah that's true yeah but i don't like doing that i don't like waking up he just goes what if i came on the back end and i was like

i love waking up it's my favorite part of the day have you ever met anybody like that because they that sucks it makes me it's like don't come at me with that energy it's just don't be mad at me for hating it it's normal to hate it not for long i hate it i'm happy to be i'm happy to be up and out and in the world i just don't like what it takes to get there you know the first hour of every day is terrible and like you said that sounds depressing but that's how i feel yeah but it's not the first hour of every day is terrible. And like you said, that sounds depressing, but that's how I feel. Yeah, but it's not. The first hour of every day fucking sucks.

Stinks. Stinks. I could do without it, but then the next hour would become the first hour and it all would collapse on itself. You gotta get rid of it. Exactly. You gotta do it.

You gotta clear the pipes. You have to clear the pipes at some point. It's impossible for me to fall asleep at night. So for me, that feeling you describe of when you're just waking up and you're like, I'm more comfortable than I'll ever be, it takes me an hour or two to fall asleep at night so for me that feeling you describe of when you're just waking up and you're like i'm more comfortable than i'll ever be it takes me an hour or two to find that at night yeah and then in the morning it's like i found it don't get up right you found it stay here a little longer oh i know what you mean about that it's hard to fall asleep and you're like i can't i just fucking got it and now i gotta get out i gotta

get up it sucks it sucks but you're right once you're up everything is beautiful and it's all worth going through it for but it's it is fun it's your life i do like being i mean that all the best stuff happens when you're up but that bright-eyed bushy-tailed bullshit doesn't fly with me. Waking up is my first pick. Good pick. My second one is labor for which you are compensated. Talking about work. Just work.

Work. Work. Let me do you work, work, work, work, work. Work. work let me do you work now i have what many people will consider to be some kind of dream job i feel very lucky to have the job i have i enjoy it though it's a good disclaimer you should read it in the disclaimer voice every job and carmel is very content with his job and he understands that he's privileged and has a better job than most people could even dream of ever one day having. And this is certainly not a saying. No way to reflect the CBS. CBS, Viacom, Football 73 Productions, or James Corden in general. I love my job.

But work? Those people who say, do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life? Liars. Liars. It's not true. It always turns into work. There's different levels of it, and you get compensated differently, but it's always work. It will into work there's different levels of it and you get compensated differently but it's always work it will always i mean you have well it's just like it's amounts it's amounts like everybody like everybody's like oh i want this dream job but that's because you

don't do that thing a lot if you do anything 40 hours a week after a while you'd be like damn that's just kind of you hear a send dog in the in the rock star song and then the in between verses he goes are you quoting cypress hill to me yeah in between verses he goes it might be a fun job but it's still a job there's always going to be that next person but that that line has always stuck with me like it's a fun job but it's still a job still a job i mean that's somebody who worked in sport who worked works in sports well we'll see we'll see. We'll see. Because it's like,

what people, it's crazy to me when people are like, that's a dream job. It's easy. I could do it. You don't realize when you take the thing

that you used to do in your free time and you make it your job, your free time gets a little wonky. Yes. And then your relationship with the thing

you used to do in your free time changes a little because it has to because you don't get to only watch and be interested in the things that you like. You have to actually also cover the things that need to be covered time changes a little because it has to because you don't get to only watch and be interested in

the things that you like you have to actually also cover the things that need to be covered in your job and then it just it changes yep and then you're 35 and you don't really have a lot of friends oh are you are you just reading me he's saying that about you we've got we've got each other guys well i just that's how it goes though you just work good like i couldn't i couldn't like a job more than this uh it's it's not possible it's still a job yeah it's still a job but i mean i i that being said i honestly 99 i i mean i can almost say 100 of the, this is, I love every second of it. I'm also African as fuck. I got like 40 jobs.

Yeah, I just, I got the one, but I also got a kid, but yeah. That's a job. Look, allow me to provide the, but you have to do it of this. I currently, as you just saw, am not working and it rules in a way that's like, oh, this is the life that you work in order to achieve.

I can wake up when I want. I have a dog. I have a beautiful home. I have nothing to immediately worry about. I can play video games as long as I want. Nobody can tell me not to. I can eat whatever I want for dinner. And then there just comes this, after doing that for a little bit, you're like, okay,

I have to get, I have to do something. I have to get out of bed. I have to go do, because you'll just, you know, fade away. It's like eating gummy bears for every meal. Exactly. Working is like lonely. You guys ever been on tour for a year?

It's lonely as fuck. Like it's cool when you guys are there for a weekend sometimes, but usually it's just me and Wilmington. Like, damn, I should go see that museum. Yeah. When outside looking in,

people are like, oh, airports, not to, not to say see that museum. When outside looking in, people are like, oh, airports. Not to say it's not dope, but it gets exhausting. And it's a cool thing, but it does get exhausting traveling. I don't think anybody glamorizes airports. I think immediately when you bring up an airport as part of your job, people are like, that sucks. Me and everybody else loves airports.

That's your laundry. Only Sean loves airports. You guys don't kind of like airports? Things that suck, but you have to do them using airports they're kind of fun they're kind of fun a little bit I love you

if I can't bring my drugs it's not that fun of a place I love you wiping your butt I do not like doing it oh my god sucks but you gotta do it I don't like it. I don't think that you're going to say things that are going to fuck me up.

I think you say things that fuck me up. Oh, you like to wipe your butt? It sucks. When I get a topic for a draft, when I see a topic now, my brain goes, what's Sean going to say that's going to make us all go, are you fucking kidding me? The reason it's on my mind is because I hurt my butt wiping wrist when I was skating the other day. I fell and I think I sprained it pretty bad. It's called your right wrist.

So I've been wiping the last two days and it hurts and I hate it. I was like, this sucks. I hurt my butt wiping wrist. I was like, this sucks anyways. You told your full wife that. You said, Laura, I hurt my butt wiping wrist. Can I get a hand in here? I hurt my fool wife that. You said, Laura, I hurt my butt right being raped.

Can I get a hand in here? I hurt my butt right being raped. It sucks, man. It's never, you ever wipe and you see there's no poop on the paper and you're like, oh, that's dope. I wish I could have not wiped. I'm serious. All right.

Oh, my God. We don't have to dwell on it. It's a pretty straightforward thing. I'm getting what you're saying. I wish I knew so that I didn't wipe because I could have skipped wiping this is great insight into you and I love it because I love you

listen I'd never thought about it before but I guess I don't love it but I'd never thought to have an opinion on it it's not the highlight of my day speaking of airports what if you have an airport poop and you have like what about this if you don't wipe enough if you have an airport poop? Sometimes it's the low light. What about this?

If you don't wipe enough and you have itchy butt, and then you're at the airport, it's the worst. Sean, now I have to tap. I have to tap here. I have to tap out. Yeah, let's be done. Straight down Main Street. I don't like wiping my butt, but I do it anyways.

All right. Wait, wait. How do you stand on bidets? How do you crouch on bidets? I've never had a bidet experience. Never once. I don't like to walk away wet that's what I say about that they have ones that have dryers on them

when you say straight down main street do you mean front to back or back to front I start at the top of my penis and I go all the way back so I don't get a yeast infection I don't want one i heard that bad i've never i haven't had one yet i'm really hoping that if i keep doing that cross your fingers cross whatever you got to

this is kind of on topic the other day laura we were talking about prostate cancer and i was like why don't they do prostate i don't like saying this i don't like admitting I was like, why don't they do prostate? I don't like saying this. I don't like admitting it, but I go, why don't women have to get prostate exams the same time as men? And she goes, she looked at me, she looked at me for a second. You,

she didn't want to be mean, but she goes, well, women don't have prostates. And I was like, yeah, no, I think I knew that,

but I just didn't. Goddamn Roe V. Wade. It took him away. This is what Kanye was talking about. pro-life, pro-straight, pro-state whenever a woman's born they take her prostate immediately Kanye was trying to tell us

Kanye tried to tell us anyway yeah, I'll keep wiping my butt but I'm not happy about it thank you for your service you've also been wiping someone else's butt for the last like two years so damn you're pulling double that sucks so much less than wiping my own what that's crazy to me that's crazy to me that's crazy to me you can it's your you can make sure everything is it's you're helping your oh you can see it like you can see it yeah i can see it. I can do exactly what I want. Why don't you and Laura just wipe each other's butt? Oh, my God.

See? Like, what's that? Your baby's a pilot program. Focus on how far this goes. I'm the furthest from it, so forgive me for asking. Is that what being married is? We're a pretty traditional Protestant couple, so not yet. Oh, yes.

So, yes. Is that what you guys are on? We're a pretty traditional God-fearing Protestant couple. Okay, that's why you locked it down. You were like, she wipes my butt good. Yeah, we 68. That's what it is. Can you tell me the second pick?

Oh, shoot. I didn't prep for this draft because I was busy. Busy getting married. What did I say first time? I said, no, you got to read the article. Okay, mammograms. Oh, God, yeah. I hear that.

And this is coming from a lady who hasn't done one yet. But I know I'm coming up on the age where I'm going to have to start doing it. And just nothing about it is like, yeah, I'll be all right. They're going to squeeze them. They pancake your shit so hard. So hard. They squish it in there, right? What's crazy is there is no amount of small boob that they can't smush.

And so like, I don't know. I don't know. And I'm going to find out. And I'm afraid because I'm at a point where I'm less, you know, in doubt as maybe I have been at other points in my life. And I'm just so terrified. I'm like, let me gain a little bit of weight before i let you smush my yeah you want to let you smush me in there like come on because it feels like i don't want i'm like pinching it i don't want to

get pinched and like bleed you know so i gotta get a pinch let me pack a couple pounds on first but man it's just like why we gotta squish it why can't somebody have a good enough hand to find it and then if that person and then that's a specialist if you't somebody have a good enough hand to find it and then if that person and then that's a specialist if you're born with a good palate you're a sommelier if you're born with a really good sense of touch feel this titty and tell me if i have any cancer i don't want to i have been banging this drum for years no one wants to hear it. Yeah. I have a talent.

Let me unleash it. It's not weird. I'm good at it. Let me, I'll show you. Gifted hands to the David Borey story. Don't want to do it. I don't want to squeeze my boob. I don't want it to pop.

And like, shout out to women with implants. I bet that must be scary. Yeah, that seems like it would be very scary. It's like keeping a water balloon in your back pocket and sitting down. You're like, well, geez. How hard do they squish it? Do they squish it really hard? I've heard it really hurts. My mom said, there's no, it sucks and you just have to deal with it. And I'm like, lady, that's not something my body knows how to do. I get my blood pressure taken. And ever since somebody told me that what they're doing is closing a blood vessel and then seeing how long it takes to push itself back open, I pass out now.

I don't like that. I didn't know that. Because now that I know it's closed, I'm like, and I'm done. I just pass out. So there's no way I'm going to be able to let them squeeze it like that. I've heard it's like a, not a sharp pain, but like a real ache, an ache. And that sucks even more. That sucks.

Yeah. It all sucks. Pain sucks. I'm more of an ass person you can squeeze that all you want don't touch that hurts yep yeah so anyway getting a mammogram a very relatable pick see if you can put your butt in there just see what happens with that get in the doctor's head the times i've i've employed that sentence in my life it's a lot just try it just put your butt in it. Put your butt in it. Let's see what happens.

Come on, come on, try it. You do it. You first. That's how you got that ring on your finger. Yep. Damn right. Work hard for the money. David Borey, let's put your butt in the second pick and see what happens.

There he goes. Oh, man. This one is like, man, firing someone. Oh, dude. Oh, gosh. It's like, man, firing someone. Oh, dude. Oh, gosh. It's like it sucks. You're thinking about it the whole lead up, and it's always that push and pull of like, yo, I got to do this.

This shit is going to be beat. They're going to like, it doesn't always go the way that you want it to go. Certainly not. You know what I mean? Or to be like, it's the worst. I fired someone last year and they were on some like, why? And then I had to be like, you had to be like, you don't know why. Yeah.

You don't even know why. Oh, that is the worst. Then you have to tell them where you have to be like, well, XXX y and z it's just firing somebody it's always bad you it's different i've never had to fire someone where they're you're i'm like taking their livelihood but it's not it's never great it's never great i have and it's awful yeah firing someone firing someone, it's just like, it's one of the hardest adult things to do. I've been fired. And you have to do it. You have to do it.

Yeah. Well, it's not as hard as, being fired is way easier than getting fired on someone. I agree. I mean, like in the long run, I think it's the other way around. Yeah, in the long run. It's like the actual moment of the meeting where you're sitting together that's what i'm talking about yeah

yeah yeah yeah in that in that moment because i've been on the other end a bunch of times sometimes on the other end you're like fuck all right whatever sweet yeah getting because getting fired is like you're like all right i'm about to text shane we're about to get fucked yeah can i just get can i get out of here right now then how much longer do i stick around out but like firing is like i gotta stick around here you start to get into that well who the fuck am i to do this like mindset you know what i mean like why am i like why on hard knocks that's always you see the coaches where they're like today's cut day you're like oh man you gotta fire yeah dude like 40 potential athletes as like full

blown fucking honesty and directness is like the best it hurt it feels like it's the only way you can do it your instinct is to do the opposite but that's the best thing you can do is just to be like the best to receive when somebody's straight up with you because it's again sucks initially it doesn't feel good to receive it's just it's the only way we can get through this. Yeah, it's the best thing you can do. You ever like, I get, I don't want to, if you're not clear about things, then sometimes it can be like, where someone's like, well, did it, so what, am I fired?

Like 10 minutes in and you're like, well, yeah, that's what I've been talking about for 10 minutes. Yeah. Just say what you're meaning to say and don't dance around it. Because anytime that you have an instinct that's like, well, I don't want to hurt them, what you're meaning to say and don't dance around it because anytime that you you have an instinct that's like oh i don't want to hurt them what you're actually saying is i don't want to have to say to their face the thing that's very difficult to say but is true and will be good knowledge for them to have moving foot like you're actually hurting them by not telling them the

truth also it's hard to fire someone because like every time i've got fired I've kind of been like you know what fuck that shit I'm out anyways and that's never how you feel when you fire someone you're just like oh so I have to go back to work you're like I'm part of this system yeah you know what I bet is even worse laying somebody off

oh my god where it's not even for cause or anything I know that's when you just have to be like hey hey, I know your family and no way to tell you, but we just, your job doesn't exist anymore. Because somebody moved a decimal point in an office three above mine

and goodbye. That's gotta suck. I got laid off very low stakes one time. I was a like transport coordinator in Portland. They just were moving their whole operation so my job wasn't real anymore and i only worked like 15 hours a week but they were they were very somber when they told me because everybody else needed the job and i was like oh

that's cool yeah so i have the day off is what you're saying yeah i was like so no more bus rides across town for this then i just kind of had it for i guess because it was easy but yeah it was tough uh excellent pick david and your third pick and this one might be specific to me personally but this is so real crying oh yeah man bro that shit is hard to get going but you gotta do it you have to do it you have to do it if you don't do that shit like you just hold that shit in forever it's like you just gotta do it man and it's always like for me personally it's so hard to start crying it's so hard to start crying but once you're done you're like oh man thank god i cried about that i can like live a life now feels like a good workout yeah oh my god yeah yeah yeah yeah but it's like for

me it's like impossible to start it's so hard to start crying it's so hard to start i can get there maybe a little easier than you yeah i cry all the time i live a little bit closer my commute's a little shorter i think probably yeah i. I gotta run down the street with my head on fire. You're taking a bus to a train. Yeah, it's like by airline C. I'm basically next door to crying all the time. Not me, man.

I gotta commit. I gotta like, every time I cry, I'm like, you're gonna cry. And i'm like do that shit you don't cry i'm gonna fucking kill you push that shit out yeah push that shit out but you gotta do it you gotta do it that's the thing you gotta do it it's like laundry yeah you gotta do it you gotta clean your socks you gotta got to cry sometime. Yeah, absolutely. It's in there for a reason.

You know what I mean? It's like, that's the thing. Like it's your body does it. It knows what to do. When you start crying, your body's like, we're crying. It's part of what you do. And you feel just the amount better that you, it's like not even. Yeah.

It's a release. It's like energy. It's like, it's like pooping. it's a release it's like energy it's like it's like pooping it's like you got to get it out of you otherwise you're just if i if i'm like thinking about crying and i somehow managed to stop myself uh i get a headache for like two days because i think it's just like you back it up and you're like you know you got to get it out sorry katie said pooping sean and maybe take it on your pick I had a headache for 29 years Katie Nolan yeah excellent pick

you gotta do that shit man Katie Nolan time for your third pick so I was gonna pick breaking up with somebody that didn't do anything wrong are you saying a pick? no but that's what I was about to pick right now but what I want to say is I think that feels like the same thing as firing.

No, no, no. They're very, very similar. I think they're similar, but they're different. You care a lot more about them. Are they different than us? Yeah, I think so. Because breaking up with somebody, that's all on you. That's what I was dancing around earlier.

I didn't want to say that. But yeah, like when you're breaking up with someone, it's hard. You just got to be like, oh, no, I i can't do this that's where the honesty comes in there was a i don't know what it is if this is a cult like been culturally imposed upon me or if it's the i don't know if it's nature or nurture i guess let's say but for some reason i always felt like if somebody didn't if somebody didn't screw big naturals if somebody didn't screw up, it was like, well, then they remain. They remain. They either screw up and they go or they stay.

And it was just like, I've never had until, I guess, you know, being older. You have those moments where you're like, no, I just am not really into this. And me staying when I'm not into this isn't really fair if they're into it. We just got to call it. Not to either person. Yeah. Not to them either yeah yeah somebody goes what did i do and you're like i don't like you i don't know i don't do anything but it's not i'm not in i'm not here it's about this it is no it's platonically, but yeah. Yeah.

But have you ever broken up with someone and then you run it, like you see how they're doing like one, two, three years down the line and they found that right person. Oh, yeah. And they're just like, you're like,

that's what you should have had the whole time. And you're like, yo, okay. I was holding on to the, and I let go and you learn how to ride a bike yeah yeah it's just like that the last two people i dated before laura uh got married met the person they married maybe maybe a month after i was they were all on facebook and i was like there it is that's yeah they're not going to holman's every night some idiot blew it with dana right you know

at some point before me thank god for me i don't know who he is but thank god for you for being a schmuck or fucking about however he is that's cool or however you fucked it up yeah i don't care you know what i mean i like that you don't know i wish i didn't know and maybe he found his thing that was good for him i hope he did i hope he did but either way thank you for fucking it up i don't care at all i once had to put i had to put a breakup in my calendar i had to put like break up today because i kept doing that thing where i was like oh but we're getting along really well today and oh that was really sweet oh we're having a fun time and it was just like i knew that i would talk so i put it in my calendar so that that day at the end of the night i was just like sit down sit down we need to talk i saw some ruthless shit this

i was dating a girl and her her and her roommate we're all chilling but her and her roommate were talking and her roommate was saying i'm going to dump this dude i'm with but it's going to be after he had tickets to like a hockey playoff game she goes i'm going to break up them afterwards and i was like oh this poor man damn i wanted to see him damn i didn't ever see him but i was like if i see him i'm gonna i'm gonna hint what because she wanted to go to. I didn't ever see him, but I was like, if I see him, I'm going to, I'm going to hint. Cause she wanted to go to the game with him or because she didn't want to ruin the, Oh,

she wanted to go to the game because if she just didn't, if she just wanted to let him have that game without like the breakup, that's, that's a kindness. Yeah. But like, this wasn't a kindness. She was very,

I mean, she just spilled the beans right in front of me. Cause who I'm, you know, I'm just some shit head who was. And she was talking to her friend. She's like, yeah, I just want to go to this game. It's going to be dope. And then I assume after that.

And it's like, oh, how long have they dated? I didn't get any of those details. We were young. So probably wasn't a huge deal. And it probably needed to happen. But it's like it felt like it at the time. Cowardice. Yeah.

Sean, join him for your third pick. Speaking of cowards. Oh, no. Oh, no. Got you. Oh pick. Speaking of cowards. Oh, no. Oh, no. Got you. Oh, no. Oh, no. Almost didn't notice.

I fucking got you, dude. Here's something that I hate doing, but I got to have them. I got to have jeans. I hate shopping for jeans. I hate it. I hate it. Really? I hate it so much.

Okay. They never. I hate jeans specifically. Jeans specifically. I was going to say all shopping for me. I hate shopping. Shopping's fun. I like shopping for shoes. I love it now much. They never. Jeans specifically. Jeans specifically. I was going to say all shopping for me. I hate shopping. Shopping's fun. I like shopping for shoes.

I love it now. Shirts, button ups. You like shopping for everything but jeans. Jeans never, they never look. Everything else I can get like, okay, that's how it looks in my mind on someone else. Jeans never do it for me, ever. The more I get to know you, less i know you yeah you seem like you have a very jeans body it's not like that though easy to size it's but i with the shoes

that i wear like i there's certain shoes like i can't wear shoes with big tongues or i they just don't have skate shoes like that right now and i want the jeans to go behind the tongue and i'm also a little too old to know how kids are dressing and look cool it's like zach zach looks amazing in his jeans and i don't i'm like i don't look like that i look you look good in your jeans that's because his body is amazing it's probably just it's in my head but i just feel like i look like a dipshit in every pair of jeans i try on so you worry about that like you were worried about that with the dice video and i was like i thought you were cool i thought i look i'm very self you dive deep in and like i think i'm super ugly and

i have like huge huge issues just issues with how i look i've grown past them a little bit but like in in general still like my chin and jeans those are the two things my chin and jeans i'm like oh they're never gonna be right right. And you got to deal with that. So I just do my best. So shopping for jeans. I think you look like Jason Sudeikis. Oh, and that dude's chin is all right. So I appreciate it.

You definitely do. But yeah, shopping for jeans, man. I don't like it. Everything else. And that was why when, you know, a while back when I was like, I have four pairs of jeans right now because normally I would find one pair. I'd wear them like a Hell's angel until they fell off my body. And then I would do that horrible shopping experience for another one pair

of jeans. Now I just bought like four or five pairs of jeans of that one kind. Can I, can I shout out? That's smart. That's the thing to do. A sponsor who, I don't know if they're sponsoring this episode,

but they've been a sponsor in the past and they've sent this stuff. American giant makes some good pants. Yeah. They make really good hoodies too. Honestly, I have a hoodie. I have a hoodie from them. I like a lot of podcast sponsors that we all like. Weirdly, we all like use the same toothbrush, I'm sure. I don't trust things that I can't try on most of the time. I need to be able to go to the store and try them on. So you don't buy clothes off the internet. not not not pants i never i don't think i ever have mac weldon but they're they're also dope anyway american giant is a sponsor this week they are oh shut up american giant that's a fun coincidence they i mean their stuff like honestly like i that's those are the pants i wear yeah i've been like looking for pants for a long time i just have the tops i

got they got those dope long sleeve t-shirts that i love i'm wearing one right now brother i literally am yeah they're great anyway anyway i don't like shop for jeans but i gotta do it because i i can't just wear pants all the time because i feel like a snitch if i wear pants all the time so i gotta have some pants in your like in your estimation like like a sweat pant like cat like pants like like like trackies and stuff yeah like things that aren't jeans that wasn't like a sweat pant like cat like pants like like like trackies and stuff yeah like things that aren't jeans that wasn't like a very subtle us doing an ad break by the way i just just a little no no we're talking about like oh they would never we've never done that we're not

capable of that okay you know when people try to sneak that in on a podcast i'm like hey hey hey hey i can tell what you're doing i'm stupid. Who told them that it was a good idea to transition slowly from content to the ad and then surprise with the ad read and you're like, nah. Now, if we were doing this on purpose. You gotta let me know when we're walking. You gotta let me know when the walk has begun.

If this was on purpose, it would be seamless, but it's not. Or is it? You'll never know, but it's not. Or was it Grubhub? No, it wasn't. Use Grubhub, not seamless. I'll tell you what's not seamless.

The quality pants on American Giant. Strong seams. Double stitch? Probably. I don't know. Shopping for jeans. Shopping for jeans. Don't like it.

Time for my third pick. Cardio. Yup. Fuck. I love. Yuck. I enjoy lifting weights. I enjoy.

And it shows. I enjoy. Thank you very much. I enjoy going on walks. I enjoy going weights. I enjoy. And it shows. Thank you very much. I enjoy going on walks. I enjoy going on walks. I enjoy lifting weights. I don't love getting my heart rate up. Unless it's like on a bike.

I enjoy bicycling. But like jogging, any of that stuff. I'm just like. I know it's good for me. But it feels the opposite. Or I'm like, this feels bad. Why is my heart going so fast? I'm like a fucking speed metal song in my chest.

But it's good for you, but I hate it. It's the one kind of exercise I don't like. It's so tedious. And I used to run a bunch. Never once did I get that endorphin release. Oh, that thing they talk about never and i ran a lot yeah no like a lot 10 miles a day also i've been high high yeah i was gonna say do you think it's because we've done actual drugs i've always wondered just stop all the runners be like

just go do drugs and it's so much easier hey try hey slow down this. Hit this volcano bag, you fucking weirdo. Cardio to me is like if I'm a dog and it's medicine, like hide it in cheese. It has to be like we're playing a sport. You're dancing. It's like trick me into doing the cardio. Otherwise, it doesn't feel right to unnaturally, like you said, elevate my heart rate.

It's like give me a reason for it to have happened. I got that bike and it has made it so much better and easier. What, a Peloton? No, like a natural bicycle. You just called it that bike because you don't want to say, oh, okay. No, like I go on like little bike rides and stuff. It's cute and it's fun. Katie, you were so ready to go in on my man. What?

No, I was asking if you genuinely. You're like, what, a Peloton? You fucking loser. You fucking animal. That's my mistake. No, what I was trying to communicate was that you just said you don't want to sneak in an ad. So then I had realized that you probably called it that bite because you didn't want to say a Peloton. And I wanted the clarification.

That's my fault. And I attacked you and I'm sorry for that. And you did. And you did. You can put your shirt back on. I'm sorry for that. You're going to call my girl like that? I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry for that. Jesus. Whose girl? Dan's girl. Yeah. Guys, stop bringing it up. Look at it in the sun, though. Look at the way it sparkles in the sun.

That's my favorite thing I've ever seen you do is this. I love it. What were we talking about? Who cares? Remember when me and Katie were enemies? I do. We really blew that. That was intense, man were enemies? I do. We really blew that. Who can remember it?

There's so much love in this club tonight. Everybody's happy. Cardio. And now, after that third brand pick, it sucks, but we're going to take another short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing

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Welcome back to All Fantasy. Everything already in progress. to all fantasy and we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything already in progress katie nolan's engagement ring is being hit by the i'm gonna look back at this and be like you you regret don't why did you do that why did you tell people by the cat's little son this is great oh it's beautiful it's beautiful and it is that light is smashing off that yeah it's tight uh time for my fourth pick it's kind of been taken but i have to take it separately because it's scary here it's i going to the doctor yeah yeah this is a thing oh yeah uh i know we took going to the dentist this is different this is life stuff this is health health i could die stuff yeah no i know

what you mean it it sucks i've been thinking about it and writing about it a lot lately for for something i can't talk about yeah but well it like i it's a it it not a health thing a a other thing don't worry i'm going to the doctor not that not not like something's wrong with me um my man's got two dicks. I got two dicks. And they do not get along. A tale of two dicks. A tale of two dicks. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

I, it, as, you gotta go. You have, it's, it, I know it's scary.

I know, especially going, sometimes it feels better just to I know, especially going, sometimes it feels better just to not know, to put your head in the sand. I put my head in the sand for the longest time, but that doesn't stop the lion from getting you. You have to go. They will help.

They're there to help. And they're rude. And sometimes they're doctors because they're the kind of people who are more comfortable with books than with people. And that seems fucked up and the opposite of how it should be. But you should like, you have to go. Whatever, I mean like whatever you're afraid of, it will be better because they're involved.

Whether you're right, which sometimes is the case, or you're wrong and you're just blowing it up in your head, which is more often the case. I had convinced myself recently that I had full-blown diabetes because i was getting tingling in like my hands and feet yeah and all this and like all this and my head was feeling weird and really you just came i had come i had my first orgasm you just got married i just got married i had sex with him oh my god we didn't even talk about that i went to I went to the doctor and it was all anxiety. And I had worked myself up into nothing. And I wasn't even pre-diabetic anymore. It was the opposite.

And that all happened because I finally went to the doctor instead of just like conspiring with my own worst instincts, which is what I so often did before. Go to the doctor. Now we should, as a nation, make it more affordable for did before go to the doctor now we should as a nation make it more affordable for people to go to the doctor let's just say for a lot of people the anxiety is not just what they're going to find out it's what the bill's going to say and it's crazy and do i know the answer no that's why i'm not running for office but somebody you should figure that out you're gonna run for office you might even get elected when you don't run people are gnarly i'm right i remember i went in to get my.

Not with my history of bullying. I don't know. Was she a bad character? Again, I didn't watch the show. Go ahead, Sean. I went in to get my liver checked because it was I was right around the age that my dad was when he first got diagnosed with like when he just his liver started to shut down. So I went in to get it checked and I was nervous because I was before that, like just partying

all the time. And he came back in. He goes, well, your liver looks perfect. There's nothing wrong with it. I just like, just burst out. Perfect liver. It's nuts because then you're like,

okay, and it's not saying that that always happens, but if there was a problem, you want to know it. Most of the time, isn't going to just get better. So go get a check. So Sean has a perfect liver.

He just wants us all to know. His is perfect. I'm going to come get it. If I need one. You can get it if I need one. You can have it if you need one. Yeah, I love you, man. You can have it. I love you, too.

You need your liver. You can't forgive me. You can have a part of my liver. Okay, okay, okay. And I'll take Laura's prostate, and then I'll just put that in the dead space. They always do. They always take our fucking prostate.

They fucking take our prostate. Hands off my prostate, man. Hands off. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth pick it's kind of specific but spending money fixing stupid things on your car i hate it i hate it like when you go in your car set your spark plug or something if something's wrong with your car and you're like fine i have to fix i have to fix it sorry if it's too specific i know you gotta have a car for that to be a problem but i just hate i think most everybody has a car i'm a

freak i just didn't for a long time but i just it's such a bummer i don't have a car when you have to spend money on something that you never see you don't know what it is and you're just like here what is a catalytic converter you made that shit up you know You know what I mean? Yeah, why are they stealing them? Yeah. Why are they stealing them? I don't know what I'm talking about. Of course I don't. That's why I'm at the mechanic.

And they're like, you need this. And you're like, that was going to be some dunks. But no, it's not. I think my name in their computer is Christmas Bonus. Like, I have no idea what I'm talking about in there. And you refuse to get that bumper put back on. I will not get that put back on. That's how I know it's your car, though.

That's fair. A few times I'm always like, oh, shit, Ian's here. David goes, Ian's at the hotel. And it's like, oh, there's that bumperless Prius. He is here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you know who it is. It's either me or another erudite.

It's a no-bump zone. Learned man. Don't even think about bumping no way two humps and a bump though that's right pump santa bump yeah just spending just when you think you saved a little bit of money and then a 1500 problem goes wrong in your car and you you can't you can't not fix it you have to fix it it just is the worst i hate it but you have to do it i uh i i i i uh i i danced under the name 1500 problem for a while i uh i uh i uh i worked under that name streets straight walk though you walk those streets you walk those city streets

under the name the 1500 problem problem. The government still calls me $1,500. $1,500. Until they start writing off medical bills, they're going to call me that for a while. Katie Nolan, what can we call your fourth pick? Well, speaking of the government, taxes, dude. You got to do taxes. Yeah, you got to.

It does, dude. And now I'd like to say, this isn't like, I'm not saying philosophically the human race must be taxed. I don't even want to get into any of that because i'm not a dork i what i'm saying is that like you gotta do them because eventually they get done and uh and it sucks and i don't know why i they are the bane of my existence and i bet wait i get one more pick right because i just realized i wanted to pick that didn't okay i bet my next pick will help me with uh it has something to do with the fact that my dad's an accountant but boy do i hate taxes because it's like you have to yeah you and he always did them for me and so

i was like i don't have to worry about this i don't even have to learn the thing about finding a person to do them for me because he's my dad yeah you know the only thing i truly hate in this world like truly hate is quickbooks bloods oh quickbooks oh bloods are nothing nothing bloods yeah that's how i talk about bloods i talk about them like i'm in a novel and nothing bloods quickbooks make me get huffy and yell i don't really yell a lot quickbooks make me yell and i leave the room and i have to apologize i'm not into it i'm not into it get it out of my face it sucks and they suck and like keeping receipts oh god i only like to do that socially and like keeping track of where i was and what i spent and if it was figuring out

what in my life can be written off as a business expense is very annoying i feel like everybody else gets it and just knows and i'm like oh i don't know when i go to cvs and buy makeup i wouldn't have worn that makeup if I wasn't going to be on TV. But is that just me imposing the societal standards? Like, what do I get to, which is, what do you have to pay for? And what do I have to pay for?

And somebody else figure it's just, I hate money. Yeah, I hate it too. Participating in the system is something I, sucks to do, but you have to do it anyway. I pay a guy, and I just hope he's right. And if he isn't, you're not going to find out until later, and then when you find out they're right, you owe money. Yeah.

And you're like, but I got God. I mean, God. Oh, I'm not going to prison. So taxes do tax me. I'm not going. They can try, but we'll hold court in the streets next time the county here the state sees me it's going to be in a bag yeah uh paying taxes david boy time for your fourth and then your final pick uh my fourth pick it's just like this thing that we all have to do

to humble ourselves and it sucks but it always has to happen. Cleaning the toilet. Oh, boy, yeah. Oh, God, dude. It's just, it's always dirtier than you want it to be. There's hair there somehow. It sucks, and you have to. You just have to. You just have to. There's no out of it. There's no bounce.

Like, you just got to do that shit, man. It doesn't get better the longer you wait. It does not. It gets worse. got to do that shit, man. It doesn't get better the longer you wait. It does not. It gets worse. Markedly worse. Infinitely worse. Yeah. It gets weird.

You got to do it. You got to scrub around those fucking screws that somehow all have, like, meningitis on them. And you just like, bro, you just got to do that shit, man. They look like they're on the Titanic. You're like, how does this school have so much mineral on it? Honestly, why? We have- Algae.

Like separate bathrooms essentially now. And sometimes I'll look at my toilet and be like, oh man, if she looks at this, I'm going to look like a monster. She's so smart though that she sequestered you to your own frigging toilet. That's like a good idea. Because the thing about living with a man is like I don't think I ever saw urine in a

state other than liquid. I never saw it get on something and stay there for a while and then you find it later and you're like, oh my God. And then it's just all the worst parts of urine. It's like when you let movie, oh my God. And then it's just all the worst parts of urine. Yeah. It's like when you let movie theater butter, if you just poured

it into a cup and you let it sit and it just gets, you're like, what is this? What is this? There were some toilets in my 20s that I lived near and Is it hard to get it in? Is it hard to not miss? I'm just confused by. I sit down when I pee almost

all the time at home. Almost all the time. I got time on my hands. I sit down when i pee almost all the time at home almost all the time i got i got time on my hands i sit down when i curiously all the time it's more comfortable i can be on my phone all the time he's out of public in public i use the urinals obviously but yeah when i can sit and pee i sit and pee and your final pick david when i can sit and pee i sit and pee oh my final pick and i don't mean this is like a sexy weekend thing to do i mean it's tuesday you're tired you don't want to do it cooking your own food oh yeah i tell like it's like cooking is very fun for friends and on the weekends and whatever but some days like like, yeah, it's Wednesday.

You just, you know that you are going out to do a set. You got to make, you have some chicken breast. Yes. That's always what it is. And you're just like, I just got to do this because I don't want to pay the money to order it. I don't want to take the time. I have to make this fucking meal. I'm going to have a chicken breast with yellow mustard on it.

Yeah, yeah. And some hard broccoli. And then I got to go to the club. I'm going to put an egg on naan bread and call that a meal. Dude, it's like, because cooking is like, it's definitely a way I express my love towards people. I love cooking for people. I love blah, people i love blah blah

blah blah but a lot of times when it's just for me on wednesday it's not fun it's annoying it sucks i'd rather just go downstairs and get a sandwich but i gotta do it yeah i want to feel like you bought that food and then just wasted money on purpose yeah because these bell peppers are gonna go bad tomorrow yeah yeah that's almost every night when we make dinner. It's almost everywhere. It's like, well, this is almost cashed. This is almost cashed. So we're having this tonight.

Let's have those. Nady, call one time for your final pick. I just want to say I order every meal almost. And I know it's bad. And you're right. But I just wanted to make sure that I was being honest and not pretending that I, you're right, guys, yeah, I do cook for myself, but I don't usually do that.

I'm home for a month now, and I'm remembering, I went grocery shopping the other day, and I was like, this shit sucks. Sucks. Is this my final pick, you said? Yeah. Admitting you're wrong. Oh, what a good one. That is my final pick, you said? That's right. Admitting you're wrong. Oh, what a good one.

It sucks. That is so much better than what I'm going to say. It sucks. And every time you finally do it, you're like, that's fine. It's better now. It's better now. Oh, man. It's better now that I just checked myself and went, am I wrong?

I am wrong. I'm wrong. But that moment right before you get it out when you're just like no i'm not no i'm not they're wrong and you're just like okay it seems like nobody else is ever wrong like when you're wrong or for me personally when i'm wrong i never it never fit it feels like everybody else is right all the time, and I'm wrong this one time, and that sucks. Yeah. It's the worst.

Always. It's the hardest thing to do. I feel like we've been told our whole lives it's really hard to do, but it just felt like one of those stupid things parents say to you that you're like, shut up. That doesn't – but then you get older, and you're like, no, it really is hard to say it. Your head feels all hot.

Oh, God. And you just – you don't know which way is up. You're starting to be like, well, what else am I wrong about? And things start to collapse. Yeah. But you got to do it. You just got to start tearing away at that stuff because otherwise you're just, you're not living in reality. You got to stop, acknowledge and move on. That's how you

grow as a person. So it sucks, but you got to do it. Damn, that was a good one. Excellent pick. That was a good ass one. Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Oh, there she is. Come on. What are we doing i don't know oh there she is come on what are we doing gentlemen come on the charming the talented the sparkly the sparkling the ebullient oh my god i'm happy sean jordan time for your final pick uh maybe not everyone but i'm going specific to me and pretty much everyone i know, hangovers. They have to happen. It's unfortunate.

They have to. They just do. They just do. And it's tough. And they're much less frequent, but sometimes they just have to happen. Perfect liver, this guy. December 17th, for example, it's going to have to happen. And that's unfortunate.

But it's, you know, we'd be bopping around New York being like, well, this had to be how I felt today. And it's going to have to happen and that's unfortunate but it's you know we'd be bopping around new york being like well this had to be how i felt today and it's gonna be fine but we're all gonna be hung over in cuba pretty soon i know we are that's what i'm saying it just sometimes has to happen and it's just i don't get hangovers in the caribbean it's a genetic thing oh yeah just a simple little hangover hangovers uh time for my last pick pube maintenance you're right that might be the pick of the draft it is it's crazy how many people still don't do that where you're like it doesn't have to be dramatic but you gotta get down there you have to do something even if you don't have a partner or if like, what? It doesn't have to be dramatic, but you got to get down there. You have to do something.

Even if you don't have a partner or if you've never, if no one's ever going down there except for you, it's just a function thing. Be prepared. You got to come in. Or if you wax it, that sucks.

Waxing sucks? I've never waxed, but I believe that sucks. Oh, man. It takes you longer to do that than to figure out facial hair. For sure. I never know. I don't know what we're supposed to do.

I feel like there are established things for women. I go bald. You go bald? What? What? What? That would freak me out. I would be terrified.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not bald. No, no, not bald. From an area I fade it, but like- You fade it? I fade it? There's no good way to high and tight there's no real good way to you how do you keep blowing my fucking mind bro what are you i do a part of it with clippers and then from a certain point down is with a razor okay i fade it again i don't know why i keep listening i never take a razor down there. No, I'm too scared.

I'm very careful, but I do a lot. I get the leg. The leg is up. You never get a razor. You gotta put your leg all the way up on the side of a... Being a woman's different. He said that he fades it. It's different. And we just...

And now we're just living in that world. I fade it? And now we're just living in that world. I faded. It's the thing is like we have to pick because that's the only way we're going to. I have to thank you for making me have to picture this. Yeah, I hear Sean does a high top fade down there too. Yeah, he's got a Gumby. Sometimes it's kids, sometimes it's play.

We don't know what's going on. It's like Bobby Brown in 92. You know how long I've wanted someone to say that to me? About any part of me? About any part of me? I'll take it if it's my view. But it makes me feel good. Marissa, do you have a pick?

Yeah, this is something big in the entertainment industry that personally sucks for me. I hate having to promote yourself. Yeah, that's really good, Mars. That's a very good one. Promoting live shows or podcasts or just having to make social media content. It's really hindered my career.

Yep. Excellent pick. Fantastic pick. To recap, David, you went first. You took laundry, firing someone, crying, cleaning the toilet, and cooking your own food. david you went first you took laundry firing someone crying cleaning the toilet and cooking your own food katie you had second you took reading the entire article mammograms breaking up with somebody who didn't do anything wrong taxes and admitting that you were wrong sean you went third you took going to the dentist wiping your butt shopping for jeans, fixing stupid car stuff and hangovers. This is so funny.

Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? It's so funny. Not pooping. Pooping. Pooping is great. I took waking up, work, cardio, going to the doctor and pube maintenance.

Now we want to hear yours. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to super producer Marissa. We love you, Mars. Can't wait to see you on the road soon. Shout out to the AFE Patreon. Shout out to the AFE Shaslackity.

Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Dan Soder. Taking a knee. That left knee. Taking that left knee and putting a ring on it. Shout out to the forthcoming wedding in Cuba. Might have to fly to Mexico to get there first, but it's well worth it. All good.

Shout out to Katie Nolan. Shout out to love. Shout out to just congratulations and mazel tov. This is so wonderful. Yeah. I love you guys. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude.

I'm going to say less important than all that dude I'm going to say less important than all that I'm going to say less important than Katie getting engaged tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything Sha-clackity that was a hate gun podcast