All Fantasy Everything - Things To Bring To A Party (w/ Tom Thakkar, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

The GVG is gonna take you to school real quick! We’ve all done our fair share of throwing down and we figured it would be good to draft “Things To Bring To A Party!” You wanna be crowned party champ, bring all 21 of these things to a party THIS WEEKEND!  Guest: Tom Thakkar @TomAThakkar IG: @TomThakkar Podcast: Stand By Your Band   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auctions drafts, video pre-rolls, and more. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It makes it easy to be inspired and entertained as part of your everyday routine without needing to set aside extra time. There's more to imagine when you listen. Listening can lead to positive change in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their ever-growing catalog. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things to bring to a party.

Our guest today is a comedian who you've seen on Comedy Central, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, and Conan. He's the host of the podcast Stand By Your Band. We're joined by the very funny Tom Takar. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is coming to you from a hot spot. Yeah, you're at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs, right? I'm at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs.

I'm in the water. A hot spot. I'm at the hot spot. It's too early for me to rhyme anything. Yeah. Wasn't that a Foxy Brown song? I think so. I'm at the hot spot.

You can catch me at the hot spot. Oh, yeah. I'm going to drop spot. You can catch me at the bot, dot, dot, bot. Oh yeah, I'm going to drop off. Oh yeah. I'm just going to think about that for a couple hours and I won't really contribute much. Sean, you went on tour with Foxy Brown, didn't you? Didn't you open for Foxy Brown

for a while? Chantel Jordan, Foxy Brown. Yeah, I was Borg. It was the hot spot tour. My rap name was Borg. Sean just found out about Borgs. I just found out about Borgs. Didn't Foxy Brown go deaf for a minute? You know what I do is I fill up my Borg with Riz

and then the kids just can't get enough of it. Oh, no. Sometimes I hate it when you talk. That's one of those times. I fill up my Borg with riz they just they come they just can't leave it alone blackout rage gallon is that what it is tom guys i don't think we should yeah it's uh that's a blackout rage gallon all the kids are doing anybody with riz is doing it man imagine you go to a foxy brown show in 1995 i don't know and then they're like all right y'all ready to see

foxy brown before that we got blackout rage gallon and then i just i come out and i rap how i rap which we now know is not changing my voice at all what's like which i just saw an interview with the battle rapper cassidy and he said a similar thing and i was like maybe he's on something sean yeah cassidy cassidy was like he was like he was like he was like yeah people i always i just rap like it's i he was using it more to say he thinks about what he says when he talks but you know yeah well i didn't need to hear that second part but yeah i was i'll focus on the first part me and cassidy are kind of parallel in many many ways when he did the interview, was Cassidy chilling in the club in a b-boy stance? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hoodie on, gun in his pants. He's about to go to a hotel with Art Kelly, which is difficult now. Why? What happened? Cassidy fell off. I think that's why, right? Oh, yeah. That was a bad rap for it. That's too bad. I watched that documentary about Cassidy falling off. I think that's why, right? Oh, yeah. That was a battle rap for it. I watched that documentary about Cassidy falling off.

It was really sad. Eight-part series. I really feel like you can't fall off as a battle rapper. It's like playing park basketball where it's like, you're always good here. How do you feel about battle raps that are written? I don't. Why are you feel about battle raps that are written? I don't. Why are you asking me that? I got in a lot

of debates about that. It feels like bad point is. Yeah, what did you do? Did you write a battle rap about me? Is that what you're saying? I didn't know that they wrote it. Let me know that you're cool with it. How about this one?

More like David Boring got me snoring i might as well walk out walk out the dory go down to the bottom flory get him some acry from 7-eleven because i've been in heaven and i'll tell you what it's better than hell oh what's that david smells oh i'm out here I did it too apparently I feel bad about him I'm liking your battle rap how like there's a second person there's an implied other person who's like David Smells and you're like oh what's that David Smells oh what's that I do agree

I didn't say it Foxy Brown we're everywhere we go everywhere together that's all I ever hear battle rappers talk about it's like very impressive just like I saw YouTube the other day and it was like

battle rap means you can be anything and it was just a super cut of all these battle rappers saying what they are before guns so it's just like I'm like Pippi Longstocking I'm like Buzzippi Longstocking. I'm like Buzz Aldrin. Like right before the gun line, you know what I mean?

But it was like 10 of them. It was really, really funny. I'm like a drunk George Bush. And you're like, man, I wonder what that one was. I can't wait to hear it now. I'm like Tilda Swinton on a beach. I'm like Greta Thunberg growed up. You're like Tilda Swinton on a beach,

which in my head I was like, you're running from the heat, but I don't know what it would have been. It had to be that. I'm like Ian Carmel on a cold winter morning, chilling near the heater. Oh, there you go. I'm like david duncan donuts not enough money for the ice with it

i don't know i don't know it was very fun though it was very it was it was like it was like the most inspiring battle rap thing i've ever seen. Because I think battle rappers are nerds, so it was fun to see that. I'm like Ian Carmel at the hotel when he opened for Chelsea Handler in Portland, Oregon. Chilling at the nine. The nine, baby. I'm like David Borey at the doctor. Worried about the pressure we should just start battle rapping

we should start battle rapping I don't know how this is done dude I don't know how this is done I got one I'm like Sean Jordan at that party I'm like Sean Jordan at that party on any given Sunday where they cut the top off of that Hummer

and I want to go on a trip and sit up front but not drive sawed off shotgun okay you know this is writers we're going to fuck it up there's no bad ideas we can put it on the whiteboard and workshop it

yeah we'll get to where no it's done it's not too long I think it was way long we're going to google it's conceptual it's conceptual what's happening you jerks it's no i think it was way long i'm gonna google it's conceptual you jerks it's conceptual where we battle friendship now it's conceptual i mean we battle bad raps i took you on a journey without changing my voice that's hard to do i don't know if you listen to rap

well now david i'm gonna stop you right there we've been kidding this whole time we've been kidding this whole i'll tell you what I listened to is that new Miguel Do it Yeah that was a really weird text from you At like 10 o'clock at night It's an old song that they remixed And put on a brand new album Sean texted me and Ian the other night

At like 11 at night and he was like I can't stop listening to that new Miguel Yeah it's good His penis being out was implied. I don't think it was sexual, but it did feel... It was the weirdest. I sent you a picture, but I was driving, and I don't have the light on. It was like, we were talking about the podcast, and he was like, now that all that podcast shit is done,

let me tell you guys what I'm really doing. I can't stop listening to that new Miguel. Ian goes, Miguel's back? Yeah, man. I didn't hear it. He took a minute. That last one, that one was like 2017, so it's been a minute. He's been in the lab, but he came out.

Miguel's back. I'll listen to my man, Sean. Good. I appreciate it. Dude, I'm like Lydia Tarr fine-tuning the percussion section of her orchestra, turning up the glocks. That's how I know I'm old, because I'm like, that movie was so good. It was so good. I'm like the house at the beginning of Manchester by the Sea.

Too much smoke. Yeah. I'm like Casey Affleck's award in that movie. Well deserved. Well deserved despite the controversy. I'm a creep, but I can still act good. I'm like Shane Torres in the hotel room before a wedding, handling the iron poorly.

handling the iron poorly. Wherever he's at. Got him. He upset. I'll cosign that. Why's everybody gotta make fun of me? Come on. I'd like to see you wear a suit for once, you hobo.

We got somebody who knows what we're talking about, finally. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, I know what you're talking about. I'm like Roger Rabbit in that movie, Don't Fit the Frame. What a good movie that was, man. Oh, my God. Who framed him? I want to read the book, but I don't feel like...

I didn't realize the auto industry pushed out the bus line. That's what that whole movie's about, kind of. It's about the trains getting pulled up in LA, right? And the auto industry taking over. I didn't know that. I didn't know it was a good public transit city or they relied on it so heavily until

the auto industry was like... I mean, why would you know that? They have a talking baby? It confuses us all. We just talked about that baby a couple weeks ago. Last week. At some point. That guy who doesn't know exactly when, I mean, it's all of us, but he also goes by Sean Jordan. Sean is Jordan on Twitter.

Sean Cougar Melman Jordan on Instagram. Yeah, man. It's really cracking him up. Yeah. It's really cracking him up yeah it's really cracking them up what's cracking them up my just that instagram handle oh you're crap see you wrap you put a wrap in my mouth and i couldn't even handle damn it all right uh do me a favor may 25th if you're in portland oregon come out to Brewing and see Rob Hayes you're gonna love oh yeah we're gonna love yeah for sure Rob watch his late late show Bobby Hayes it is one of the funniest things you will watch he's been doing a ton of stand-up lately we're gonna be back

outside we're gonna be out on the patio it's gonna be summer weather you can have yourself a nice cool beverage it going to be good vibes. So come on out to that. I think that's it on the books right now. So do that, please. I'm going to be in Italy, so I can't make it. But I encourage everyone else to do it. I encourage everyone else to do it.

David Forry is here. CoolGuyJokes77 on Instagram. I'm like an ill-fitting hoodie. You stay watching Belly. Sorry. Very familiar with Belly from the last week. That's a good one. Yeah, you know, Cool Guy Jokes 87, June 18th, I am going to be at the DC Improv with my main man, Jamel Johnson.

Also, did you guys watch that J.R. Smith doc? No. There's a J.R. Smith doc? It's on Amazon Prime. Dude, they got to stop. Brothers, no. There's too many. No, they got to keep.

Go and watch it. I didn't know anything about it because he went to an hbcu to get his degree and join the golf team and he's great it's jr smith is the best i always thought that but i didn't know anything i i judged him just off of you trying to get the pipe or not that's all that's all i knew about him that's all we knew which is which even if just based on that judgment, here we have a fascinating man of the world. Brother, who you telling? Didn't wear a shirt for three days? I was always like, that guy's the best.

Trying to get the Piper Nod, no shirt? He contains multitudes. Everything's going on in that guy. Got a 4.0 his freshman year. Yeah, he's amazing. Kind of like J.R. Smith. He was on, when I was on Game On, he was on an episode of Game On,

and he was one of the sweetest dudes. Probably showed up alone, I bet. I bet he showed up alone. Showed up alone and was just like a cool, just like a nice, very earnest guy. Fun to talk to. He was great. You don't realize that.

Nobody shows up alone when they're famous. It's cool to see somebody who just shows. Pusha T. I was going to say Pusha, right? Pusha T showed up alone. Alone. Damn. Solo.

Love that shit. You think he ever sold drugs of any kind? No. Pusha T? I've heard that he was very ambitious in selling candy in his elementary school. It was a Nick Cannon situation. His mom took him to Costco. He got a case of Dum Dums and he was off from there.

I think he briefly may have worked in the pharmaceutical industry. Briefly. in a situation. His mom took him to Costco. He got a case of dum-dums and he was off from there. He briefly may have worked in the pharmaceutical industry. Briefly. Briefly. Tom Takara's here. I'm liking everything bagel. A perfectly peppered round. What's up, guys?

By the way, I will be in Madison comedy on state if you're listening this day comes out tonight through the weekend come out to a show baby what a great city what a great club i love it i'm so excited i'm so happy to be here boys this is uh it's an early morning record i love it i couldn't sleep last night it felt like christmas morning waiting for santa claus to drop that zoom link under my tree and santa is uh is mars in this uh santa mars yeah and grinch and the grinch is shane torres he can't even get mad at us you're the one sticking it to him by the way i will say i just saw shane for a night boy do i love him we went to a doctor oh yeah oh yeah whenever i see shane i'm like i he's like whenever i see you i'm like

yo i forgot how much i really really missed you yeah he's a lovely man he's a lovely man oh yeah he's a beautiful boy he's a beautiful angel. If my heart grew three sizes in one day, I'd have to go to the emergency room. He is loving it. His voice is just so fun to do. Sorry, Shane. It's a great fucking voice. He doesn't think anyone can do it.

Of all the people, I don't think anyone can do my voice. I think people can do a good shade yeah yeah definitely he would disagree but a lot of people are nailing it i've heard people do my voice but they're just yelling and i'm like that's not it yeah i missed it adomian did a decent foray once real oh i'd love to hear that yeah it's pretty good what a get having ad Domian do an impression of you is like having like Warhol do a portrait or something like that you know what I mean

you've reached a certain national you've made it yeah that's big this isn't a bit or anything this is just really what I've been thinking we don't give enough credit to caricature portrait artists interesting it's a skill you think so they're so good enough credit to caricature portrait artists.

Interesting. It's a skill. You think so? They're so good! They're so good! They just draw you and accentuate the worst parts about you, and you don't tell them anything. You just sit down. They could make my teeth the same size if they wanted to.

There's no... In a way, they're the art world's battle rapper that's true i've said that for years they're the real banks on the streets of new jersey they're the real banks that's right thanks thanks yeah boardwalk banks these oh god do we know who banks is yet i don't know i think it is like they may have figured it out and it's just some bloke so it's like not that interesting it might be george w bush it's george if you look at his paintings they look a lot like what banks he's doing out there oh it's just like a rat spray painted with like uh spray painted with like a molotov okay in it alsoit? Also, I was in New York the other day.

I saw the biggest fucking rat I've ever seen. Yeah. Congrats to that lady. She needs that job. Okay, but so imagine that rat was holding a briefcase, yeah? He was holding a briefcase, yeah? Right, okay. So he's holding up the briefcase,

and he's lifting up the side of a bank, right? Like he's sneaking in the bank. Mental. Mental, bro. Put that in the bank mental mental bro i didn't ever entertain this until now is banksy bad yeah oh yeah it's like i guess i never like i never took the time to really like think on it because it was just like oh thanks whatever but now i'm thinking about it is like is like, it is like pretty cheesy. He was to it kind of early

into Banksy's credit, whoever they are, but like it is very much like, okay, right, so it's two kids, right? It's two kids, right? And they're on a seashell, right? Okay, so it's two kids

and they're on a seashell, right? And in the middle of the seashell, it's a barrel of oil. Think about it, bro. Think about it, bro. Think about it, bro. Oh, that ain't bad. If I had like crazy money, I'd be like, yeah, I got to have it. I got to have it.

I'm behind the TV. You can chat GPT a Banksy pretty easily, I feel like. Right, for sure. That's what I mean. I mean, Chappie Chibiti's taking all our jobs. It's an old man, bruv. Picture an old man. He can barely walk, right? He can barely

walk, right? He's having a walker, right? Only way he can walk is with a walker. Seems normal. Until you look a little bit closer at the walker, it's two machine guns, bruv. And his face is american flag i want to be a crappy street artist oh it'd be great it'd be fucking great like you can be you just want to be you want to be a successful crappy street artist that's where the hard part yeah yeah there's a lot of unsuccessful ones oh yeah like like the kid on my block who just like tagged jizz rules

on my newspaper thing yeah that guy should be famous that guy should be famous i love when you see when my funny point is that we were on vacation there was just somebody had spray painted covid 19 what the fuck were you the fuck were you thinking when you did that? Like, yeah, man, we know. Some people don't know. Some people don't know. As someone who has spray painted a water tower before, sometimes you get up there and you panic.

What are you going to do? Sometimes you have a lot of crazy ideas, and you actually get there, and all you have time for is 05 before you run away. You never think you're going to catch your tail and then you do it. I'm not going to bite it off.

This is crazy. Exactly. That's my tail. That's the thing about tagging life. When you're in there, it's a lot scarier than you think. I've never tagged anything ever. That blows my mind.

Yeah, we never did it. Even in your crypt days? No, nobody ever had tips and all that. I don't even know where you could get them. Some kids ended up getting some when I was probably 20. By then, I was on to, I guess, alcohol. Bro, last time I saw somebody tag some shit, I was walking to a 7-Eleven in L.A. by my house in Valley Village,

and it was, like, a dude who was, like, clearly, like, 34, and he took out the felt pen or whatever and tagged some shit. I was just looking at him. I was like, you're a grown fucking man, dog. It's a young man's game. Come on. Because, like, in San Francisco, you'd see kids do it all the time, looking at him was like you're a grown fucking man dog it's a young man's game come on like because like in san francisco you'd see kids do it all the time like right before they got off the bus they tagged that shit and then get off but like seeing a grown man do it it was like such

a bummer yeah and it was during pandemic and it was like we gotta unify right now man you're not helping this no that's a bummer. Okay, the picture. What if what he tagged? Two police officers, right? Two barbies, right? Big hat. Whole kit. Whole thing, right?

And they're making an arrest. They're making an arrest. But who are they arresting? Picture this. It's a dolphin. These are awesome. This is like my favorite character that you've done in like three years yeah usb is really big for you because the merch store is gonna be overloaded after this episode

it's too much shit it's gonna be selling if we can just get one of these songs gonna buy most of it any one of these on a shirt any one of them and then just a tiny little afe somewhere yeah this is genius honestly make fake banksies that are like this and see how many sell legit and then the others will be ironic because i've never seen a real i've never seen real banks i've seen a space invader once i've seen something yeah they're all over la yeah i've seen them in san francisco but that's in Paris. Those are tags. Not to brag. Space Invader, that's like a tag you might see.

Grow up, Sean. He's the dude who does the 8-bit. Yeah. It looks like Space Invader stuff from his video. He was part of that documentary, Exit Through the Gift Shop. Yeah. Which is, by the way, where I've gotten all of my knowledge of this world. Oh, dude, for sure.

Yeah. I've been loading that for years. I don't know anything else other than this movie. Oh, dude, for sure. I've been quoting that for years. Anything else other than this movie? And I thought that it was a different, I thought I watched three different movies because it's different guys. I was like, oh, wait, no,

that was all the same fucking thing. I watched one thing and I've been quoting it for 10 years as if I know anything. And you're like, did Banksy make this? Banksy did make it, I think. Banksy did make it. Yeah.

We gotta have Banksy on the pod. Or did I? Picture this. It's a documentary movie, right, bruv? Yeah. We need a hillbilly Banksy, man. There is a hillbilly Banksy. You just don't realize that the N-word on the side of a 7-Eleven is R.

Anything can be hard. Sean bought that shirt too. What did I buy? What did I buy? No, I didn't. I didn't buy that. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

I didn't buy that. No, prove it. No, I didn't buy that. Oh, man. No, I didn't buy that at all. Oh, man. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on TikTok, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Banksy app, bro. It's a star of David, but imagine at each point is an everything bagel.

Let's go. Just hang it up. You can see me at the Comedy Works in downtown Denver, June 22nd, 23rd, 24th, that region. I'm going to be there. And you can see me in Los Angeles doing a ton of different shows just around

all over LA the first half of June. So keep an eye out for that. I'm going to be workshopping my half-hour fake Banksy bit all over the city. And that's it. The Late Late Show is over. Hope you liked it. But all fantasy

everything is still going strong. God, the Late Late Show is over. We're coming to your city. Tomorrow is David's birthday when this drops. I'm going to be up in the mountains. What kind of mountains we talking about rocky oh i'm trying to find a place that has a lake with jet skis we can rent

talk to adam adam will adam will get you lined up he knows those mountains like crazy i will i will talk to adam because i'm trying to jet ski on my b-day. But I'm on a lake. I'm not Rihanna. You know, I don't need the ocean. For sure. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're not Rihanna? Shh, brother. Fuck.

You're Rihanna. What have I been jerking it to? Rihanna. Have you guys heard those chat GPT or those AI Rihannas singing everybody else's songs? Yeah. Yeah. For Kanye's songs. Yeah. Killing it. Or Tina Perconia, too. Yeah.

Are we going to be able to have jobs forever? I haven't messed with any chat GPT stuff, so there's some people out there who don't do it. It scares me. Does it scare you, Sean? I love chat GPT. You do? That's because you embrace the future. She's obsessed with it.

I hate it. People are using it to write and stuff. It's creeping me out man it's not the best idea i will say earlier in the episode when you guys were battle rapping i gave chad gpt a prompt to battle rap sean jordan in the style of david bori just to see what he could do and it didn't do a good enough job worth sharing it together like, don't worry just yet. Marissa, you gotta share it now, though. I need to be... Unfortunately. Soothed.

Okay, I will... I'll paste you. It's like... Because, I mean, the bigger... The more notable, like, the subjects are, the more material they have to work with. I don't know if they could... Whoa.

Well, that... I don't know if they could scour, like, the internet for, like, how much information they know about you. That was a little battle rap that you didn't even mean to do right there. Oh! An underhanded battle rap. Oh no, I don't like this at all.

It looks like a bunch of pubes glued together. I know ChatGP2 was a fucking sixth grader. I refuse to do it. Ian, you have to perform this in the style of both David Borey and Sean Jordan. No, Sean, what's the deal with that beard? It looks like a bunch of pubes glued

together. It's weird. And don't get me started on your rhymes. They're about as precious as a leftover pizza from last night. Slant rhyme. You're from Portland, but you're no Damien Lillard. I'll break your ankles with my rhymes. Leave you feeling iller. My flow is sick.

My rhymes are hot. I wouldn't say that. You're like a melted ice cream man. You're not even close to my level. Not even a jot. That does sound like you, David. Dr. Seuss-y close to my level not even a jot that does sound like you dr suzy don't do that to me that does sound like you not even a job you're always saying not even a job okay here comes the this is the fucking sledgehammer part i'm david borey the king of comedy you're sean jordan the prince of mediocrity that sounds my jokes are on point

my timing is precise you're like a broken clock, right? Only twice. They're taking our jobs. They're taking our fucking jobs. You're right twice. I keep saying this, but don't read what David just typed in. Read what the chat GPT said. David likes to type his raps out.

They're taking our goddamn jobs. There are photos of you with a beard. Yeah, I have a beard sometimes. Oh, there you go. That's what it's getting from. It doesn't look like pubes, though. I'll tell you what. My beard's way more in charge than my pubes.

I didn't say that, first of all. Don't talk to me like this. You're mad at David. Don't talk to me like this. Listen, the internet's version of you said it, and it still hurt my feelings It knows who you are David, I think you're protesting a jot too much

Also, what's that jot thing? I don't know Is this because I left your door unlocked? I'm sorry I also left you most of a bottle of good whiskey And a bunch of Trulies because you're a dad Oh my god, you leave Trulies in your wake

like a shedding cat There's like 10 Trulies because you're a dad. Oh, my God. You leave Trulies in your wake like a shedding cat. There's like 10 Trulies in my fridge. I was like, what the fuck is going on? That's a nice move. Trulies are good. They're a new flavor. They're like spritzy ones. And then I got them.

I like what Sean did. With the full intention of leaving the bottle unopened, I got you a pretty nice bottle of liquor, but then I opened it. Was it? It was just the other kind of Jameson. David, it's pretty nice. Are liquor but then i opened it and was it a couple it was just the other kind of jameson david it's pretty nice okay are we done battle rap excuse me i'm sorry i'm sorry it was the black label jameson yeah i said pretty nice i didn't say fancy i said pretty nice

you really i'm glad you said what it was. I was picturing a $90 bottle or something. This bus ticket lets you get on the Greyhound before everyone else. Don't bring a bag. I had an outlet. We are gathering here today

not to talk about Sean drinking part of David's gift whiskey, but also to fantasy draft a wonderful topic suggested by Tom, things to bring to a party. I'm psyched. I'm happy you guys like this one because this is a big part of my life. It's an absolute heater. It's great. Yeah.

I'm excited to draft this one with you boys. I think we're going to have a good little time. I think so. I think so. The way we determine the order of this fantasy draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you.

And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissor, shoot. Oh, Tom wins.

Natural victory. Naturally throws a scissor against two papers. Tom, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you, it is a

serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question. What the fuck is that? This one works. Let's say it works. Let's say you line up, you're at a party, you line up a bunch of shot glasses, and you want to pour everyone a shot. You do the thing where you start pouring on the left, and then you just keep

pouring all the way through to the end. Then you stop and you step back and you realize that they're all wonky. They're not filled up to the same level. Some barely even got any alcohol. So then you start pouring again, but on the other side this time. You pour a little bit more in and then you go all the way back and pour some into each shot glass as you go back and you step back again and they're still not even. You want them all to look cool because you don't want to shoot them at the same time. So then you start over here on the left again,

pour a little more, and then all the way back until they're all even and then you take your shots. That totally makes sense to me because I only take a shot if it looks cool. Yeah, same. That's my main thing. Everybody knows that.

Well, he's a coyote ugly. He sees them pouring shots like that all the time. Don't tell people where I go, Ian. Have you ever seen someone take a Flaming Dr. Pepper that was on fire shots? You have. Yes. I've always wanted to do that. I've never seen one in real life.

I have seen it. I have seen it, too. I think I've had one because I was curious. I'm going to be honest, too. I've never seen it and thought, like, man, that guy's cool. No. Really? Yeah. It's like a doll. No, cool. No. I've never seen it happen.

I'm like, what a cool guy. I'm always like, that guy sucks. Okay, what if you saw him light it up himself? That would be cool. He brought his own. He's like, just give me a Dr. Pepper. I brought the flame. Yeah, I brought, I got the rest of the stuff.

I brought my own flame. Dr. Pepper. That would be it. Let me get a Dr. Pepper. But, sir, this is a bar. Surely he wants an alcohol. Give me the Dr. Pepper. I got the rest of the stuff.

Can I get any wings? Butane. Just a big, long blowtorch. Go ahead. Basically, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, Tom, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be?

Man, this is... I was kind of praying I wouldn't win that Rock, Paper, Scissors because I didn't want to. It's a lot of pressure. It's a real burden to go first, but I do want... I think I'm going to go first. Wait, wait, wait. What's the order? Do we already pick the order? Oh, sorry.

Yeah, yeah. I think I'm going to go first. I think I'm going Do we already pick the order? Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah. I think I'm going to go first. I think I'm going to take that one spot because there's a big one that I think I got to get. Yeah. I can't let slide. And it might not be the same one you guys have, but there's one that I have to have. There's some first round talent in this one. I bet it is.

There's some big boys that you're going to want to get off the table early. I'm fucking myself because then it's going to come back to me. It's going to be slim pickings. But yeah, I'm going to go first. It's a good thing you're a party animal though, so it won't matter. You've got a lot of stuff to bring. That's true. And who do you... The picks after that.

Let's go... Oh, shit. Alright, let's go Borey, Sean, Ian. Hot Corner. Hot Corner. Fantastic. Tom, you have the first pick and the things to bring to a party. All right, let's go. Borey, Sean, Ian. Hot corner. Okay, I'll take it. Hot corner. Hot corner. Fantastic. Tom, you have the first pick. Any things to bring to a party?

All fantasy, everything. All fantasy, everything. Fantasy draft. All right. I mean, this is... I said all fantasy, everything twice. But wait, but now, Tom, before you get to that, my friend, we're going to take a short break. Love it.

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may apply. And we're back! Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed. This is it, except of course. Except of course for Stand By Your Band, but those are the two. Those are the only two podcasts that exist, that have ever existed. I defended ICP. Huh?

I defended ICP. Oh, hell yeah. Has anyone done Sublime? I'm sure that's happened. Oh, Sublime has been, Sublime has been done. But hey, we could do another. We might have done like two or three Sublime ones. We could do another. David, what did you defend on? You did Stand By Your Band.

I can't remember what you talked about. Oh my God, it was so long ago. That was a minute ago. Fuck, dude, I don't even remember. It's going to drive me nuts. It was at the beginning. Yeah, it was at the very... It says David did Sublime. Oh, there we go. Whoa, that's pretty sick drive me nuts. It was at the beginning. Yeah, it was at the very... It says David did Sublime.

Oh, there we go. Whoa. That's pretty sick. Inception. That is so funny. I just remember it was during pandemic and you were wearing really cool shoes. Yeah, that was my big shoe era. Yeah.

Because you could wear shit during the pandemic that you could not pull off IRL, man. I tried to wear some of that shit in shows. I was like, I can't do this. This is super specific. I remember one time during pandemic, Rob Hayes came to my house and he was wearing like the all wheat LeBron ones. And somebody was like, whoa, Rob. And he was like, you know, we didn't have the house like that. He was like, yeah yeah it was

so he just came to my house so cool yeah also i think rob hayes is an incredible dresser it's always oh yeah that guy's yeah i don't want to give him too many flowers because he is a fucking asshole but may 27th portland oregon come see with your own ojos my friends that guy can dress finish prize the guy can dress or with your own also so if you want to bring some bears to the show go ahead my brother 25th not 27th 25th tom you have the first man he can't grow a mustache but he's a good good man here's my first pick i gotta go i mean it's basic but it's it's pure mean, anybody would want this pick. I got to go with a 30 rack, a late beer.

I'm bringing a case. Yeah, of course. I'm walking in suitcases. I'm not talking about, this is not, I'm going to make it specific. I'm not going IPAs. This is nothing fancy. This is High Lifes. This is PBRs.

This is Coors Light. Yeah, I say people get buffed out when you bring that you're talking road so you're talking road sodas you're talking you're talking i'm drinking one in the car on the way home you know plus the ipa is coming like four packs you see that shit when people bring like a four pack and you're like stop it i mean why did you come to my house why did you come to my house then you spent 18 on a four pack and you are eyeing people if they're touching them i don't want to i don't want that in my life other soul asylum fans can beer that makes me feel like i just had thanksgiving dinner yeah i'm not gonna be

drunk but i'm gonna be stuffed and i can't wait it's a peanut butter stout well you're a virgin yeah i'm gonna have to stay here, but I'm sober. Humidity in a can? Stop it. Yeah. Yeah, it tastes like it gets hot. So I'm thinking this is the party I'm imagining here, too, is there's an indoor and outdoor aspect. It's almost like a barbecue.

It's like a good, you know, it's a hot day out and uh you got a cooler cooking in the back you got the fridge cooking with beers and you're having a nice little time this one is uh you got a cooler full of these because you need you need on a hot day to get drunk exactly you're gonna need a bunch of them sometimes i'll bring what i'll do i don't want to get i can't bring the other thing but i'll say i'll bring like two of those cases just like this way oh yeah yeah i'm walking like a 30s i've been at so many parties where there was a guy that that was his personality he was the 30 rack guy he's just holding the 30 rack in the kitchen offering it up to you i don't like that but i've seen it i've seen it i have seen that too i've definitely

seen that guy because if he's holding it, you're like, all right, man. We know. You're going to get your flower. You're going to get your credit, brother. Put it down. Put it down. Put it down. That'll save the night, too, where the party's kind of cashing out, and then someone rolls

in with a rack, and you're like, oh, there it is. It's great, but when they hold it, I don't want to have to come over to you like you're the party pope, and I have to fucking kiss the ring. Fuck that. Oh, you can have a beer, sure, but just know you're sucking out of daddy's tit. Did you ever go to Kanger's back in the day where there would be the guy with the cups on his hip? And he would be like, oh, it's five bucks a cup. And you're like, fuck you, man.

I had sex with her. It's her house. It's five bucks a cup. And you're like, fuck you, man. I had sex with her. It's her house. It's five dollars a cake with her. We went to a party in L.A. and some dude was being the 30 rack guy or whatever. And he cut me off. And then he told me I had to leave. He's like, you, bro, you've had an.

And I hadn't, by the way. I know. This story is a bummer. Oh, no, it wasn't. I hadn't. I wasn't being. We were just at some weird party. I must have been at this party yeah you were you all were well tom you weren't sorry but we uh so i ended up leaving and then later in the night

uh ian said the guy was being like inappropriate so you like put him up against the wall i remember that where was that at it was at somebody's sister's house. I had sex with her. You left without saying anything. That's what I remember about it. The dude shut me down and I felt like an asshole. You didn't call the squad, which is the whole reason you go out seven deep.

It's so you can call your friends. No, I'm not trying to get it like that, though. That fucking sucks, dude. No, yeah, I do remember that. That fucking sucks, dude. That cut me off. And he was such a, because I wasn't in that spot. I know when I'm in that spot. And so I go over, it was like, oh, don't, let me get a beer.

And he's like, nah, bro, you're good. So you know like that. Also, when you're in that spot, it's still like, when Sean's in that spot, I want to tell you guys, when Sean's wasted, it's just drinking and blinking. Sean's never like spot. I want to tell you guys, when Sean's wasted, it's just drinking and blinking. Sean's never like super confrontational or being a dickhead. It's just like you blink a lot and you look around and you're like, this is so dank. And then you do the shaka dance.

Yeah. And then he goes, I'm going to eat two feet of sandwich at the hotel. Yeah. Yeah. It's never. It's never, you drunk is never a problem. No. Right. Well, thank you.

I appreciate that. Yeah. Sean just says like, I love you way more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Drunk body speaks a sober mind.

I've always thought that's true. I don't agree with that, but my drunk body has said some crazy things that I don't believe. Crazy. I think I actually sleep with the lady that was in the story, Bori? What? You said it was this guy's sister, and you were like, oh, I had sex with her. Yeah, she was one of the first people who turn 18 and get apartments. Yeah.

It was her apartment. I was in that group. That's a fun's that's a fun it's a lot of responsibility but it's fun where it's like because i remember guys from high school were like i heard you got an apartment i was like don't come over yeah you're just like don't be coming over my god because then also then the cops come and you're the one who has to be on the fucking list bro we had the cops used to shine there we had so many our shit got shut down so – the cops used to shine their – we had so many – our shit got shut down so hard. The cops used to shine their lights in our window on nights that we weren't having parties. That's how hard we were going.

They would just go to the complex, know that we were fucking around. And because we used to have – I don't know if you guys remember this, but it was like if you don't open the door, they can't do anything. That's the theory. And we – I was the – No, it's's i've proven it true i've seen it work really many bro they'd be patted on that shit for like they would never pound on it for more than like an hour or whatever but we'd just be like no everybody you're in here i don't care what you're would you go silent when they got there or would you yeah that's the

basement or whatever that too that too that too we just be sitting in the living room and they'd be like we know that you're in there yeah just come out like and we just never opened it and we we beat that rap i've probably done that 10 times wow i told people to do that i was like don't open the fucking door you don't have to my buddy is a dumb ass and he i live with two other guys and we all had different friend groups at the party and then he opened the fucking door and him and uh the other guy were both over 21 i was only 20 so i was like shit dude i can't i there's all this booze here i can't be getting in trouble and so when they came in i went and hid under my bed and pretended i was asleep like they were

gonna be like oh that guy's asleep he's cool don't worry about him he's going to work tomorrow no i because because yeah it just it happened so much that yeah you just learned that like yeah because like we had opened the door one time and one of my friends got violently arrested like violently like he was he was passed out in the in the in the chair oh and we opened the door and they came in and first of all very disrespectful about our house and then they were like my buddy like woke up and he was wasted and he was like he said his birthday he was just like 11

11 86 11 11 86 and they fucking bro when I tell you shout out to DPD you guys know you did him wrong they arrested him bad bro like yanked him up slammed him on the ground Shout out to DPD. You guys know you did him wrong. They arrested him bad. Bro, like yanked him up, slammed him on the ground, slammed him against the wall. Just like yanked him up so bad. And then we were like, we're not opening the door for nobody.

And they'll just leave. So all you young guys listening. Fucking animals. Yeah. Don't open the door. Don't answer the door. Don't open the door. Don't open the door, man.

Because you don't have to. You don't have to. You don't have to do. They're fucking cops. They still got a job. You don't have to do shit that they say. Yeah. Make them get a warrant.

But also, you might, everybody might be stuck in there for hours. Right. Do open the door for somebody holding a 30-rock rack. Oh, yeah. Unless they look like an undercover... Unless they have a polo tucked in the khakis, although I don't know what the kids are wearing right now. I don't either, dude.

David Boyd, time for your first pick. I'm talking a stack of dominoes, baby. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That guy is always a king. You come in with six dominoes, baby. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That guy is always a king. You come in with six dominoes? Dude, that was going to be my next fucking pick, man.

That is a good one. There you go. It's amazing. It's nobody's. Hot and ready. Hot and ready is right there. It's cheap, too, and people appreciate it. That's a big one. People are hyped. Man, I did not think think that was gonna go off the table in the first round oh that's first round

talent that's first round talent that's a left tackle dude yeah it's first round talent dude a stack of pizzas you said the exact way i was gonna do it i was i was dominoes are hot and ready those are the ones bro there's always a guy who knows he He always knows. The guy who brings the stack of pizzas, he knows. He's like, what's up, doggy? You know what I mean? He knows what's happening. Unexpected, too. Like, if you don't say anything, you just show up.

He's got seven pizzas. He's coming to the lake. It'll never be unnecessary. Nobody's ever mad at you. Yeah, he just got off. He just got off. He just got off. He called the guy whose party it was.

He was like, you need anything? The guy was like, no, we got a shit ton of beers. He's like, all right, sure. And then he hangs up and he's like, all right, you know what I got to do? Coming in at like 11, 10, 15. With like a big stack of pizzas. We should get a pizza at some point. And then, yeah, let's wait for Jake to get here.

And then, you know, Jake gets here with like nine pizzas. It's like, bro, it saves the day. Self-governing. Every fucking time fucking time yeah big stack of pizzas man there's a statue of a guy showing up to a party with pizzas i like if we're putting like statues back up like yeah let's fucking honor the right people let's honor the dude who's like i'm bringing you take down the confederate soldiers bringing up jake my my korean buddy who had 10 pizzas that one night yeah we had we caught a bat in a pizza box one night so somebody brought over some pizzas later in the night we had a bat that so in south dakota i don't know if everywhere else but every john started covid there'd be a couple yeah we made we bit this bat we got a bat confused with a slice of pizza

someone like jawsed it with the pizza box and caught it and then they're like whoa and one of us opened the door and we threw the whole pizza box outside and then the next day we just there was no bat in there so because it went away they can cover they can come in handy for other things what i'm saying Thanks for catching that story. And then there was no bat. That was a very strange, like, it's a pizza box, but also we can catch bats with it. Just in case there's any people out there who aren't fans of pizza, this pick is still for you. We ate the pizza.

No, I'm just saying. Cross out the pizza. You might have a bat in your house. If someone's a home listener and like really i don't really fuck with that pick pizza no thanks and you're like now hold on now hold on because you there could be a loose bat you can play also i'm realizing how many of my picks are food sorry oh yeah oh yeah well listen you know sometimes you just need that there. There's certain things that really elevate a party halfway through. For sure.

No, but yeah, stack of pizzas. That's my pick. It's always good. That's a nice and simple and great pick. I mean, some of these are just going to be right down the barrel. You're never mad at the pizza guy. Sean Jordan, A-plus level party goer. What's your first pick uh so it's it's not a package deal but it has uh a caveat maybe so don't get greedy don't get greedy i'm not i'm not i'm

not but i bring a fun big bottle of liquor yeah to to play past the shit with yeah yeah yeah i've seen you do it past the shit at a house party i know covid covid makes it sound rough but uh most people don't play that and it it's just it's always fun because most people want to be at the party all night well you can just you can just say a fun bottle of liquor though that's like yeah yeah what Yeah, yeah. But are you saying like a big cheap bottle? Or are you just saying a bottle of gin? You're saying a bottle that's going to get drunk right now. Yes, like a big fun bottle of liquor. That's the energy around the bottle that you're bringing.

We're about to drink this bottle. And it is for everyone. I want everyone to get down on it. It's nothing like, oh, you know, don't give too many. Everybody. The sooner it's gone, the better. Everybody gets down on it. Now, when you say fun bottle of liquor,

you mean Jameson. He means Jameson. What have you done? We've been to parties. I can mean... You've seen me get Boone's Farm. You've seen me bring Boone's Farm. I have seen you do Boone's Farm. I'm asking for clarification here. Now, there's two different things. There are other picks on the board here, too, that could

be affected. There's a bottle to play past the shit with or there's like a fun bottle of liquor these are two different things it's a bottle of jameson i i feel like you should say when i've seen you do this it's been a bottle of a bottle to play past the shit we'll say we'll say a bottle of jameson okay we'll do that okay but it's what the intention isn't i just i guess yes that's my pick but the intention with this pick isn't to come in and be like set it on the counter my intention is to be like what's happening

you set it in the middle of the table and you're like let's come on everybody get down we're doing shots right now you can literally pass it you don't have to touch it but it's just a fun little social get everyone going I've never experienced this at a party i like this i love this idea we ain't never been to a party together

super good about it too where it'll be like it's always in the kitchen like next to the other so if people are coming in to get a drink in the kitchen or people and people come in to get a drink and then we'll see we're hanging out and they'll be like yeah oh no i want to sean's really like we i don't think we give you your flowers enough for how much you finesse a house party it's like it's it's very it's very great the way that he does a pro he's a party for a very good it's the most fun i i love and he makes you not feel bad about drinking straight out of the bottle. Which is a lot of people don't do that. New York City.

Sean's a glue guy. You need a guy like this. He's shaking that in your head. Oh, yes, you make me cry. My older siblings are good past the shit people. Yeah. Oh. Bear is a party guy. Yeah, Bear's a big party guy. I put bear in any party that i got going on i didn't have anything going on in portland like family

wise or anything and the first time i met the carmels go to bear's house and bear's like he goes to me and he and he's like you want to come upstairs and we go up there and he had like a nice bottle like in the closet it wasn't for everybody he did that during the bachelor party where he was like hey come here yeah man it was uh anyway I know I know we're uh because this could be like a four hour episode

so it really could yeah a bottle I'm saying a bottle to play past the shit yeah yeah yeah so that's a specific bottle we're talking about yeah it's a bottle of we're talking about. Yeah, okay, all right. It's a bottle of Jameson. David's right. Yeah.

All right. It's tricky here. It's tricky here. Yeah, it is tricky. Those are three big picks. Those are three big picks. So I got to come in a little more esoteric

with my first pick. Uh-huh. Do it. Gossip. Oh, that's good oh my god what a good when somebody comes in the party they're like jake just got knocked the fuck out yeah yeah bro i was getting off work and i came to the parking lot and they fucking gave it to him finally oh dude that's a good one damn that

we were at a party one time and this kid comes in whole story about getting his ass kicked and then everyone's like all right let's you see half the kids are like let's crew up and i was on the end where i'm like i know none of you are going to do anything so i don't want to go with you because all you're going to do is you're going to get beat up it's so intense that that's such a good especially if it's like gossip that involves everybody everybody oh yeah we all know jake yeah like you know britney and uh barry are on the rocks yeah yeah this fucking so-and-so party got busted up across the town i saw xyz getting arrested outside of the safeway great just glued you dudes yeah or whatever it is whatever it is

that's amazing i remember there was a rumor one time like at a party where like this this group of like just bad kids from our high school were driving around paintballing houses that kind of thing yeah like they might thing yeah they might come here they might come here i hate that you said that because i mean shed to ben gunn he doesn't listen to this podcast but me and him used to drive around paintballing houses and we got caught one time this this fucking car we paintballed the side of this house and this car came out and chased us like and it's but it's elizabeth so it's dirt roads so it's like you're fishtailing and shit like that he says it's like probably three four

miles before he finally backed off but like yeah we used to shoot people paintballs at houses i'm not saying it's not fun i'm just saying yeah most bad yeah. That's a good time. Most bad things are fun. Most stuff you're not supposed to do is fun. Well, I'll tell you, paintball houses is pretty cool. Of course it is. When we were kids, this was in a trash neighborhood in Indiana, but we sat up next to the highway and threw rocks and trucks. Oh, yeah. Throwing shit on the highways?

One time a guy stopped in his track because we thought, like, nobody's going to stop on the highway. This guy stopped in his tracks, like, immediately. And we were like, ah! Oh, yeah. It all ran inside. Dude, when we were kids, me and Sam T. used to go to. So there was this neighborhood called the Pinery that's, like, where all the Broncos lived and shit.

That was next to Elizabeth. And they had their own private fishing lake. So we would go down there and get those big rocks from down there and then we would like huck the rocks at their intricate mailboxes so we'd be driving down the road and you see like their fancy railroad and you would huck the rocks and it would just explode their mailboxes and yeah we you know it's pretty brutal I feel bad like I was also

like six years old I was like six years I wasn't like being because it is dangerous and we learned our lesson fast they came and they told our aunt my aunt

and she was like what the fuck are you doing out there highway games you can't play highway games no no no gossip to a party man gossip is great man gossip is a

fucking that's a really good because it'll light the fire again like if you're stagnant whatever Oh, no. Gossip to a party, man. Gossip is great, man. Gossip is a fucking... That's a really good one. Because it'll light the fire again. Like, if you're stagnant, whatever, you don't have anything... Because parties get lame sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I had a pick that I was going to do that now I'm not going to do. And it was like a convoluted way of what you just did, which is so much better.

Mine was to bring a guy that kind of sucks to the party. And then make sure they have to leave a guy that kind of sucks to the party and make sure they have to leave like kind of early and then that way you can talk shit about it sucks will galvanize the party yeah everybody's combined they're like did you see that he was holding the pizza boxes get the pizza from him yeah i mean that's still a good pick yeah yeah i may i may have voted i just felt like it was gossip is such a better version of that it's great though it's like a hot girl broke up with her boyfriend even though you had no chance with her you know what i mean it's still like yeah she's nice to know my next my next pick is similar but keep going yeah that would happen

dude all right yeah i could go ahead okay so my next pick listen i it i it's not it's not the best food pick it's not the best food pick it never is baby come on off the board all right it's a party but if you're rolling in with like With like $60 worth of Taco Bell. Oh my God. It was on my list. That was on the list. That dude is a king. Also, it's way better than you imagine it's going to be. Oh my God.

60 soft shell tacos. You can't fuck it up. Especially if you're picking through there and you're like, oh shit, this dude got a Chalupa. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he fucked around and left some Easter eggs for me. Damn. It's easy to go get six hot and readies.

It's hard to go to Taco Bell and be like, well, let me get this little more nuanced, you know? So that's more for everybody. What am I coming through? Oh, there's a layer of like quesadillas at the bottom of this bag.

Hold on. Yeah. I remember. Oh, you're king. This is so funny because now we're talking about times. I remember I had a time when we were having a, when I was, when we were kids, we used funny because now we're talking about times. I remember I had a time when we were having a –

when we were kids, we used to have these parties that didn't stop. It was just the party was a weekend. Yeah. So the whole weekend was a party. So I remember one time this guy came over at like 9 a.m. with two bags full of McDonald's breakfast, which is, by the way, not cheap. It's not cheap. It was like 10 egg McMuffins bro yeah what a king what a king that is such a big move big move Taco Bell I was like torn between pizza

and Taco Bell yeah I love both of those options they're so good it is it is the perfect I mean like we all know this and we're not breakinggging around saying this yeah but like also just when you're drunk taco bell yeah when you're drunk and if it's brought to you it's brought to you maybe a club maybe you live in one of those places where it closes at 11 or some shit yeah yeah so you're not gonna be able to get it at two you thought you thought it was over and then jake pulls up and you're like what you thought his taco bell dreams were done you were gonna have to walk to denny's or steak and shake it for some shit well especially before postmates like a lot of this stuff i'm trying to think of like it i'm thinking of these parties when i was like in it and it's before you could just get that whenever you wanted

you needed someone to bring it to you that you knew that was the only way it was happening or you rolled the dice damn that is something i did not like bringing that's a great pick i almost did this uh because i'm i'm in uh i'm in a club right now and me and the feature stay together and i was like what if i just ordered us like 40 for the taco bell and then i found a place in wichita that sells flaming hot che Hot Cheeto Burritos. Are you in Wichita right now? Yeah, I'm in Wichita. Wow. Are you doing a loony bin?

What is it? Yeah, I'm in a loony bin. We were just talking about the bins last night. Loony bins are pretty good as far as hit or miss, though. Six of them are great. Ten of them are terrible. This one is actually fun, except for you might notice there's no windows in here, so I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.

Also, Top of the Car, can I say a weird thing that only comics will know if they're listening to this oh yeah you're one of those guys that i go to a club and it was like you were here two weeks ago or you're gonna be here in two weeks yeah yeah like you passively i know i see that all the time all that always makes me sad when I see, like, a guy like you on the board, and I'm like, man, I wish I, why can't we just be there at the same time? I know, I know.

Like, so many times I'm like, oh, sick, you guys had Tom? And it's also, you're also like, because I was just at Dallas Comedy Club, who was amazing. Oh, I love that spot. Shout him out. Shout out, Jamie.

I'm going back there in June, so come out. Bro, they are amazing. They're the fucking best. They rule. Fans come out.. I'm going back there in June, so come out. Bro, they are amazing. They're the fucking best. They rule. Fans come out. But I was just over there, and I saw you wrote something funny on. Oh, shit.

I wonder what I wrote. Because, you know, they put our flyers up. Yeah, yeah. Whatever you wrote. And you wrote something funny. And I remember I was telling Jamie, I was like, yeah, top-to-card rules. Like, it's just like me and you. I love that. I wish I could telling Jamie, I was like, yeah, top-to-cart rules. It's just like me and you,

we play all the same places. It's fun. We did the half-hours together. We're on that trajectory. We also do the half-hours together. We're growing up. I love it. We're growing up. We're doing Looney Bin.

I was imagining because this room looks depressing as shit. What if it turned out I was just in a padded room? Yeah, fair. Let me do a podcast for me. Yeah, I'm doing great. I'm doing great. Tom, why can't we see your hands? We see an orderly just give you a little cup of pills and you're like, I'm good, I'm good.

Oh, shots. Oh, shots. Hey, it's one here. Yeah, things you bring to a party. Pills. A bunch of pills. Shout out to Tom DeCart for being a guy that I'm passively, aggressively on tour with. Not passively.

I love it. I know what you mean. Passively on tour. Yeah, everywhere we go, I'm like, oh, you guys had Tom. That's cool. Hey, I would love it. Anytime I see you're on a lineup, I'm like, you guys got to go see this dude. I love when I see people like that because it sucks when you're on a run and you see

a bunch of headshots of people. You're like, oh, shit. It's about the eighth month out here. You had Jamie Kennedy last week. What was that like? I said a name. You guys got X'd. I love that you said the name.

That is beautiful. You know what it is, though. Good for you, man. You know what it is. I love that you said the name. That is beautiful. You know what it is, though. Good for you, man. You know what it is. I love that. Sean Joy, time for your second pick. Second pick. They get personal real quick, but I feel like my big ones are off the board.

So my second pick, I'm picking a person that'll handle it if it needs to get handled. Oh, wild card. That's good. Yeah, a little muscle. Bring a bodyguard. A little muscle. I don't love it. Not even necessarily muscle.

I don't love it as a guy who's thrown a lot of parties. I don't love it when a guy brings a wild card where you're like, I know that guy has a gun. Not that I'm saying. You mean the guy who will take care of like. like, I don't need to speak for you guys. I do mean, I don't mean like a psycho. I mean somebody who, if it goes down, they will handle it. And if it needs to come to hands, they will handle that. But not a psycho.

I'm not talking like somebody who goes in and is just freaking everybody out i'm just saying somebody who you're like all right we're going and i know if it does go down this person will be right there and it will it will be fine i will be the main reason i picked friends until my 30s yeah i have i don't want to i have a couple that i'm thinking of no i know exactly what you're thinking of, and I get it. I knew sometimes one of them was kind of a wild card, but the other one, he was always real calm and collected. Well, whatever.

He was fine. You bring somebody who is there to freak people out. I definitely had those people roll with you where you're like, but I don't like that. I never liked that. Of course. I did it. Who was? Yeah. like but that's i don't like i don't like that i never liked that of course i did it yeah were you

i feel like this pic because i don't relate to it but i feel like it speaks to your experience at these parties because you were constant you were like i think maybe you like bringing muscle because you were also often traveling with a wild card and you never knew what was going to pop up on occasion i was also the wild card for sure not like not in an aggressive way but i i look back and i'm like i did a lot of stuff that i would be bummed about if if somebody brought 23 year old me to my party i'd be like what the fuck is that guy doing you know because i was rolling into parties with like nick nan pay or yeah you guys you know what i mean yeah i i know what i know what sean's saying though i have a i i have a couple friends like that where i have a couple friends where it would

be like you go to the party people be like bro i didn't why'd you bring me over here and it wasn't well received a ton of times even if it went good or bad people were just like hey man i don't want that guy in my house man yeah and but some of those parties you're like you go to like uh harrisburg be like yeah there's a house party in harrisburg and we're like okay i don't know a single person in harrisburg but as a kid you also bring that guy because you're like i don't know a single person in harrisburg i'm not gonna go in there and fucking light it was never it i never looked back and like oh thank whatever but yeah that was definitely something that crossed my mind

i definitely went to some house parties where i was like thank god i have a man and well i mean i was happy about it but i was never excited i ended up going to the party that guy's never a fun guy he'll fuck your girlfriend but he's never like a like he's never like everybody's like oh that guy was so funny and chilled he had such a good time i mean he will fuck your girlfriend so he's fun in that respect that's me i'm that guy the other guy is like oh man i think that he took some money from my mom's room oh gosh that the amount of that two house parties where you're like

yeah like my buddy got his i think his ps2 lifted and we knew we knew who did it and there was nothing we were like that's the fucking worst man somebody stole some really nice university of Oregon basketball shorts from a house party back when I did not have the money to replace them. Are you talking like LA? No, this is okay. I remember one time when we were kids, we got like one time when we were kids,

a bunch of kids from our town gotten a fight. Cause Elizabeth is like the sticks, you know? So much of our kids from our town gotten a fight from Elizabeth is like the sticks you know so much of our kids from our town gotten a fight from a bunch of kids from Aurora where I was living at the time and I was like and I found out who it was

and I was like oh you guys don't you guys don't want to know that's what they were like they were like we gotta find out we gotta come we gotta ride on them and i found out who it was and i was like oh no i won't even say it but i know you know i let's let's just let you guys yell about it yeah i've been like in my mind i'm like do you want to

go kill him because that's like i knew those scooter in them and i was like oh you guys no no no i know what you're saying yeah you guys figure out who it was they would have just done it again dude i don't we don't even need to get into it but yep there is an old side to bringing that guy i was just thinking about this because sometimes those guys attract shit, like even without trying, just being a guy like that. Come on. I mean, like I was my buddy was just a big guy who had we were in an improv troupe together. I feel so bad for tall guys.

Yeah. Being a tall guy, some people just want to fuck with you. They go for you. Oh, yeah. And so these guys jumped us at a steak and shake at parking lot and they were like oh you look like you're talking shit and i was like no but he's just a big guy like i knew the guys and they beat the shit out of him i kicked him in the back and we ran away but they it was fucking terrifying but i was like man if you weren't so fucking big we would have

just gone home i got a buddy like that shout out to brandon darnell he fucking he's just huge he got he got jumped in a concert one time and he was like i was like what happened he was like dude i'm just literally a huge guy yeah like people take your existence as aggressive sometimes because you're just huge and little guys are scared. I'm a little guy. I'm scared. Yeah. I want to fight. I don't know why you say cut back for me. I'm famously a short king.

I'm going to kill you. Short king sprint, man. Short king sprint started. Anyway, yeah. This rose is in bloom. It's a muscle. When I get out of line and I can't handle myself. All right.

It's a muscle. David Boyd, time for your second pick. This is funny because this is the opposite of Sean's pick. I'm picking Beef. Have you ever been? Beef. Beef. Have you ever been at a party?

These are different parties. Kayla has been talking all week that she was going to fuck up Maria. and this is the party that we're all going to oh yeah and it's gonna happen here you're saying it's like a fight like i'm bringing maria like where it's like this is like it's like there's been a beef that has been happening. It's been boiling. And it's going to come to it. And we all knew. We all knew.

On Monday. On Monday. They were like, we're going to go to Maisie's house. And you're like, oh, shit. Uh-huh. You're like, this back needs to be cracked. All right. Maria and our old girl are going to be there.

We're going to Maisie's. That's where we go. Totally. And then, like, you knew that it was going to be there all week. And then you go to that party because that beef is going to happen. Like, beef. It's like a main event. Yeah, it's why we're here.

Not why we're here. We were going to be here. I'll have a beer. Sure. Watch this happen. There's no UFC this weekend. Have you guys ever had that? It was a brooding thing.

It was like, this is the party that's going to crack it off. Yeah, in high school. Yeah. This is the party. So-and-so is going to gonna come and it's going down we're gonna figure it out oh my god i used to love that shit where like i was in the i've gone into situations where i'm like i'm going to this place where i know this dude is who wants to kill me and i deserved it and i was like i'm gonna go take i'm gonna go there because i'm i'm gonna

see him at some point so i'm just gonna go to'm gonna go there because i'm i'm gonna see him at some point so i'm just gonna go to this party where everyone's gonna be we're gonna get it out of the way i never went with the intention of like i'm gonna handle this but i was basically like medicine no i'm going to get it handled get it out of the way and we'll have fun and that's also not to be a dick that's also i've been that guy where i'm like man he's gonna be there he's been talking about me all week you know we were in school we had no classes together we didn't see each other yeah but he told so and so whatever whatever i'm gonna clap him up and then we're gonna be done yeah so it's like it's like it's like it's like it's the beef of the party it's the beef of the party because everybody the party is like oh did you know sean and jake are gonna be here oh yo yeah sean and jake yeah they're beefing you know what i mean like it's like it's like

everybody knows yeah it's excitement lads need excitement yeah and that's what it is like where it's like all right we're the ones tonight and then you and then you handle it however it gets handled. I would never say anything about what happened on the evening. But, yeah, beef. Just bringing the beef to a party. Excellent. Especially when everybody knows. Especially when everybody knows. It's so fun.

Tom, time for your second and third picks. Second and third picks. All one of these i this is more for like mid 20s maybe it's earlier but it's like this is a backyard situation i'm a big fan of games of different kinds this is my thing that keeps you going and this one's a little heavier you could say i could go one or the other, but I'm going to say cornhole. When you bring cornhole to a party, I'm set for the rest of the fucking night, dude. It's so fun. Until it gets dark.

That's when you're holding on to it and it's getting dark. You're like, come on, come on. Don't be getting dark. I want to see you. I feel like cornhole is the exact amount of effort I want to put into a party game. Yeah, I was going to say the other. You have to focus. You do have to focus.

You can hold a beer. That's what I mean. Because there is a game called Can Jam that I also fucking love. But you kind of got to focus up. And there's a Frisbee flying everywhere. Somebody might get hurt. Nobody's getting hurt playing bags. It's fucking great.

And it keeps you outside i like being outside if there's an option to be outside stay the fuck outside i hate it when people like it's dope out and they just congregate in the kitchen and you're like two people in the backyard and like come on out what do you come on yeah and you know what i like about it because i'm a big horseshoes guy i love playing shoes yeah but the slide hurt somebody the slide on the bag makes it more easy for everybody to play horseshoes you kind of have to put it where you're gonna put it yeah but like but like yeah you you have to slide the you can slide the bag up so you can get a much better shot than your skill acquired.

Maybe I hope this isn't taken like in a sexist way, but I feel like it's easier to get girls to play cornhole than a lot of other games. Cause they're just like, Oh yeah, you're just throwing a bag and it's more communal, you know, like it's not just a bunch of guys.

Yeah. Like come on. Horseshoes does get mad. Dude. Heavy. Yeah. There are some games I love that just get most things doing to your point like it is it is more friendly as somebody who maybe not like whatever might not want to play they'd be like that's just throwing beanbags this is fun yeah barrier to

entry like you know a lot of explaining sure way less heated too i feel like some games i i'm friends with a bunch of chicago psychos and we get like fucking people get competitive and a game like can jam or like beer pong stuff people get fucking heated but nobody is getting heated at uh being bad like throwing bean bag also there's nothing to argue about like the bag is on the thing or it's not yeah what happens what happens we're in here we're in here well yeah and also the the fact that it like it is less like it's easier to be good at so yeah you can hop in with like any skill level and be just as good as somebody who's amazing i mean sure some people think that i'm really fucking good at it but some people

think they can be good oh my buddy rat was he was he was in a league that whole nine. A league? I've always dreamt of that. As long as the seeds are evenly dispersed, I'm cool. Oh, yeah. I'm cool. These seeds are bullshit. Yeah, I'll hit you from a block away. You can go blindfolded.

You can go behind your back. You can do all kinds of weird stuff with it. It's fun to get creative. You can go like, everyone's got to go between your legs. No, I don't do that because I respect the game, but I hear what you're saying. You got to go two at a time. You can switch teams in the middle. I'm a fan of sport and everything that it entails.

You go swinger bags where you're like, all right, halfway through, we're switching partners. You know? Flip it on its ear. No, No, it's like spades. I'm not trying to switch no partners. Spades. Yeah, that's fantastic. We play bocce in the backyard. Or patonk.

Bro, I love playing bocce. On the 23rd, man, I'm going to play bocce like a motherfucker out there. I'm home for like six, seven weeks, and I just realized that I can get involved in the bocce ball wash park league, and I'm like, I think I'm going to do it. Get in there, dude.

Of course. It's on Tuesday. Also, it's on Tuesdays. So it's like I don't ever have to like, I'll never be gone on a Tuesday. You've got the short sets already. Are you kidding me? Come on, baby. Yeah.

No. Bags. Excellent. Bags, baby. I'll walk to the park on the reg. All right. Bags. Yeah.

I'm a yard game freak. And then my next pick, this is going to be a weird one for me because I don't smoke cigarettes myself, but I like to roll up. I'll bring sometimes two packs of cigarettes to a party because people like to have them. If I'm hammered, I like to have them. No, that guy who rolls up and you're like, oh, we're out of smokes. And this guy's got smokes. It's crazy.

You can never get that point across, smokes it's crazy you can never that's big that's you can never get that point across but it is it's like it's the only one you can't talk on which i love about you i always love about i you know what i love about you in is i love people who are like i've been in so many spaces where people are smoking all the time yeah and somehow i still don't smoke it's just not for me it's just one it's just never clear i know i know but you've been in your whole adult life i know you your whole adult life everyone has always been smoking yeah dude i hold her one time by the old all the time what have you ever as an adult been in a place where people weren't smoking no i'm always in those but older siblings friends

yeah that's what i'm saying yeah yeah that's how you know that's how you know you fucking don't smoke it's just ain't for me it's just not my right don't smoke by the ash street apartment i was out having one at by right by the front door and you calmly you're like hey will you please go farther away and most people would be like get the fuck away from me but you were just like hey please go a little bit farther away i could smell it i understand you man i get i yeah yeah you also you also don't make any that's the other good thing about Ian. You also don't, like, make space for, like – you don't make it like – you're not like, hey, go puff your cancer sticks somewhere else. Yeah, yeah.

Good, man. You know what I mean? I have plenty of my own vices. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. This is just like there just wasn't a bullet in that chamber for whatever reason. Dude, I do get it. I tried to start smoking cigarettes because I was doing the road at Indiana.

I was depressed. I was like, I'm going to be a guy who smokes cigarettes and looks cool outside the club. It's a thing. It passes time on the trip. You go outside. It is a way to do something when you're bored. I think because I like to run. I never got into it because of that.

I will smoke a cigar here and there. I like to run. I never got into it because of that. I will smoke a cigar here and there. I like a cigar. I do know that about you. You love the boss. You were born to run. I was born to run around on a fat brown stick. I'll smoke a little wood tip swisher sometime if I'm feeling insane. Like if I really feel like I want to chill.

A little grape swisher or something. You know what it is for me? I think something in my brain is like cigars you're not inhaling them it's like they're not even bad for you and then every time you buy a cigar there's a big sign that it's like these are just as bad as cigarettes these are really bad for you i don't think anyone's doing like six cigars a day. That's true. That's true. Some people are, but not me. I might do one a month, and I think that's a nice little thing. And then I'm done with it. I don't like how that makes me smell and shit, but I do like them.

They're a good time. It's a little buzz. That's great. It's a little buzz that's not drinking. Yeah. That's always a nice time. Any buzz that's not drinking, thank God always a nice time. Any buzz that's not drinking. Thank God.

David, your third pick. This is the most toxic pick. I'm saying a fist fight. You're saying the next level of what you just brought? You're evolving your Pokemon.

You brought the beef and you're turning it into a fist fight. You didn't want to be greedy. You're saying the next level of what you just brought? You're evolving your Pokemon. What the fuck? You brought the beard and you're turning it into a fist fight. You didn't want to be greedy. I've probably only done it if I'm being for real in my life. I've done it two, three times where it's like, oh, he's over there. I'm coming. And I hang up. And I know that because I've been at parties where people were like, hey, so-and-so's over here. So-and-so's coming. And I hang up. And I know that because I've been at parties where people were like,

Hey, so-and-so's over here. So-and-so's coming. And you're like, and then everybody in the party is like, Oh shit. It's about to happen. Yeah.

Yeah. It's going to go down. Like he's, he's coming. And it's like, Mr. President, the Soviets have launched an intercontinental ballistic

missile. Sharpie just texted me. Shout out to Chris Sharpie. They have put up their dukes and we shall put up ours. I have been to that one time. Think about how many parties you've been at where that happened. I've seen it happen a ton. Oh, so-and-so's

coming. And then that's stuff to talk about for the rest of the night yeah yeah it's fodder for sure but that's a tough fodder have you never had that have you never had that where it's like because like especially like now i'm an adult and i understand you can just talk things out when i was a kid i didn't know that so as a kid i was like i gotta go over there and beat this guy up you know what i mean like there's no like there's no like oh yeah what happened like we didn't have like therapy in my town or anything that's the only thing yeah yeah it's just like yeah it's like oh this happened and this has been going on and everybody it's parties so everybody knows

everybody so everybody knows this has been going on for a while so then it's like oh man David's gonna come fuck up Chris I was at a party like David's coming over and it's gonna go down and then it goes down and it's like

having been at a party where it's not me it's like the most exciting thing having been at a party where it's not me, it's like the most exciting thing. Having been at a party where it is me, it's like the most anxiety-ridden thing. And you're like, ugh, ugh. And then you can't stay. Yeah, you kind of have to go after that, right? You can't fucking get in that fight and then you're, like, bleeding and you're like,

I need a beer. Actually, everything's cool. I know everybody just saw me do this. Some people can. I ain't got it. I beat your ass. I got it. I've seen people get called to the party. We were at a party. There was one

college kid there. Huge. He was really just causing a ruckus, taking everyone's shit. Somebody called so-and-so and we're like, oh shit, he's coming. He came over five minutes in knocked this kid down the stairs not condoning it but he knocked this kid down the stairs and this kid was wrecked had to get up and leave the kid who came over and handled the problem stayed and everybody had a great time it's just one of those things where you're like

yeah you're like a hero you didn't come for a party like for me for me it was always so it was always so much more stressful because like you don't you have that time there's a time if you're like a young man there's a time in your life where it's like you're more scared not to fight than to fight you know i never i've always been terrified to fight no but you did it because you knew how bad the repercussions would be yeah yeah oh yeah i didn't do it one time i got bullied and i never i never stood up to the kid and that lasted for two years probably instead of the 35 seconds it would have lasted if we just handled it that's what that's what i'm saying there's that time in your life where you're like scared to you're scared not to fight and it's just like where you're like dude i

don't want to go over there i it's all my friends they're all doing whatever but it's also like i don't want to deal with this tomorrow no yeah this is cigarettes for me i've been there and then i don't i don't rely it isn't for me but I sit in zero judgment of it and I absolutely understand it was just like when I was a kid it would just be like where it's like man I can't I can't let it go any further past this

because then it's going to be a real problem so I just got to like handle it tonight so I got to go to I got to go to so and so's sister's quinceanera you're gonna ruin a quinceanero this fight i gotta handle it tonight i don't care that you're 15 i gotta mix it up because he said some sideways shit to me on the bus the other day that's what i was the bus is where this shit would happen for me it was never parties it was like

i had a school bus where we were mixed with the, it was like middle schoolers and high schoolers. And there was this one guy that would fuck with me all the time. It was terrible. Oh, man. These kids would fuck with me, man. The bus is crazy. I remember a kid on the bus.

I remember a kid on the bus. He got in a fight one time and he said, let's bounce before he got in the fight. And everybody made fun of him for the rest of his high school career. That is very funny. Let's bounce. You know he practiced that too. And bounce is like a weird word. It doesn't mean that.

It wasn't all a slang. He meant let's bounce for a fight. Like, let's go. That means let's get out. The kid fucked with him and he was like, let's bounce. I thought you meant he bailed on that. I thought you meant he dipped. No, no, no.

That's a good idea. Let's bounce. That's way funnier. No, he just said let's bounce i thought you meant he bailed on i thought you mean he did yeah no he just said let's answer slang with slang like what do you mean he bounced well he dipped you know i do this yeah i catch myself like well if that didn't define it this other slang hey peaced what are you talking about fantastic let's bounce on to your next pick this is this is the complete other direction a non-violent dog oh yes that was all kind of friendly dog i'm just gonna run a dog yeah i've been to quite a few where dudes brought over pit bulls and chip i'm talking like a non-violent fun peppy dog that there's like sniffing everyone party dog sweet baby chill dog sweet baby that's a focal point if you're feeling kind of like i don't feel like talking to anybody right now you can go fuck with this dog i love that great it's an in like the dog goes over to a crew or girl or whoever you've been trying to talk to and you go over like oh who's a good

little dog i will say i don't love a dog guy no you know what i'm saying sometimes he's like there's like he's like he's like everybody loves his dog he's like the dog guy yeah it's like if he didn't have that dog he would have an acoustic guitar like that i love a dog at a party but like the fucking dog guy we've talked about this on here before quit assuming people want your fucking dog every fucking where all the time

stop it we're in a grocery store this is why chill dog is big too some people hate dogs I have buddies who are scared of dogs you see the dad side of me we'll be at the park and Portland and Denver certain cities they're big ass dog cities so these dudes

they'll just with their fucking big ass beard and they'll come over they're like oh don't worry about him he's cool and i'm like that's an animal bro that is my daughter and i don't know that animal and she could walk up and stick her finger in his eye and he's gonna be cool then because she doesn't know what's going on. Keep your dog away. I can't stand that stuff. We don't know your dog like you know your dog. And your dog doesn't know me like you know me.

You don't know your dog. Your dog is a dog. You can't talk to your dog. I'll take the brunt of it because I know young people love dogs so much. I don't give a shit about your animal. I don't either. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. This dick is backfiring. I don't give a fuck about your animals I don't either I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck

I don't give a fuck And you know what They don't give a fuck about you Damn How about that They don't give a shit about you You have meat And your fingers smell like salami

You think that dog loves you? My cats love me. My cats love me. But those are going to eat. Bro, okay. Shout out to my boy Tyree Dillard. My boy used to work for Animal Control. And we were, I was just, he was just putting me on to this.

Shout out to Tyree. Bro, he told me he was like, because there there's like a whole if you die and you have an animal there's a whole thing they got to do with the animals i want my cats to eat me if i die in the house i want them to become more powerful your cats start eating you quick he told me taking my essence he told me cats will eat you immediately yeah he said dogs he said dogs will damn near start starve to death before they start eating you and that's why i don't trust dogs cats immediately feed off my essence immediately he said dogs are dogs are dead dogs will damn near die before they eat you but them cats they'll

eat you immediately people always say that it's like a reason but it's like i'm dead who gives a shit yeah i'm done Don't waste me. I'm going bad by the time the dog eats me. Exactly right. You don't mean that. You don't mean that. If this was the end of the world, these four people, five people, and you guys died and Tom dropped immediately, you would be mad if I was like, let's eat that with you tomorrow.

No, I'm doing that. Other food. I'm going to put it in my will If I had to no way I would Damn near immediately I would if I had the means to cook a person and they were dead and I needed food I'd eat them so quick. None of that way But also, fuck these cats, bro. They don't even like you. No, they love you. They love you. They're good little boys and girls. They do indeed. They don't even like you.

You got it. They do. I got it. Do they? Oh, yeah. Do they? They like that you do the things they need you to do? No, it's not just that.

After she's eaten her breakfast, my cat jumps up on the bed and cuddles up on my chest. Because my cat is like three days old. If I ate six pieces of sausage and I jumped on your chest, you would say, get away from me. No, I wouldn't. That's crazy. But you like me. That means you would say that you liked me. You know why I like you?

Because I care about how your life goes. I think my cat does, too. What about cats? It's the most they're capable of. There's no animal that gives a fuck like, damn, I hope David graduates. None of these fucking animals give a fuck on that level. Dogs do. You got to meet them where they're at.

Go see a dog on your graduation day. See if he's not excited. No, a dog's not crying if you finish your night classes to learn coding or anything like that. Your dog's not been rooting for you the whole time. What did Eddie say? Oh my God, did you do yoga? What did Eddie say? I haven't finished my book yet.

Exactly. A non-violent dog is like this. Is he even working on it? It's a sheet. Eddie's a girl. I'm sorry, I didn't know that. I'm sorry for everyone didn't know that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everyone listening. That is terribly rude.

I'm sorry. Oh, listen to that. A non-violent dog. It's a mournful meow. Pretend these monsters love you all you want. I'm going to be here when the chips fall. I raised my cat to eat me the second I die.

They come nibble on me when I'm asleep too long. I don't care. I'm putting it in my will. The second I die, you boys can eat me. You three specifically take a bite. You can't take a volume around those cats because they'll start eating. If you're out longer than eight hours, they start nibbling. Yeah.

They're indoor cats, but they're out longer than eight hours, they start nibbling. Yeah. They're indoor cats, but they're out there. Outdoor minds, dude. That's how good modern life is that we get to pretend that these people they hate us. They don't even like us. It is crazy to me that we have animals. Cat people.

Greek. No, no. That's it. You come to my house, you're going to be I cat people. I'm Greek. No, no. That's it. Giannis Antetokounmpo. You come to my house, you're going to be sitting on that couch for like half an hour. Eddie's going to jump up and sit next to you, and you're going to be whistling a different tune, dude. I'm going to say no. No, sir. You're going to say it.

She's going to love you. I wish I could say that about my cats, but everybody comes over and they're like, man, fuck your cats, dude. Your cats suck. But I love them. They're good cats yeah oh a nice dog time for my third pick yeah party dog's fun usually like some sort of shepherd you know yeah uh third pick so here's why i asked for clarification on the past the shit yep oh sure all right i forgot about this i think something that can be fun to bring to a party is some weird booze oh yeah like some dragon fruit a bottle of something weird like a bottle of something when i say weird i just mean not what you not a half rack of 30 you know 30 half rack of beer not a bottle of jameson or a bottle of tequila i'm talking about like

some dude rolled through and he brought a bottle of soju you know what i mean oh yeah yeah somebody's in there with like a weird like good yeah somebody brought like i not malort but like malort you know what i mean like i'm gonna counterpoint yes malort i like more i came around dude i came around i got forced down my throat too many i used to go to a bears bar in brooklyn and whenever the bears won they would give you malort and i was like now i love it it's just i've grown a taste to it i like an aromatic yeah just a weird just something a little different it can be fuck i don't know fuck it could be hypnotic and you're making incredible holes in the kitchen whatever it is absolutely just a little curveball just a little

like oh i'll have like a little bit of that i'm not gonna that's not gonna be the thing i drink tonight but i'll have some right and everybody will want a little yeah everyone's right yeah i've been to parties where a dude brought moonshine adam used to have a bottle that had a cobra and a scorpion in it from vietnam oh my god you'd take one pull off of that at the party he did that multiple times yeah sick dude uh yeah and someone that's a good time ever clear or like i said boone's farm i used to bring over like my buddy rat would always get like dragon fruit vodka or whatever it was just interesting i've rolled through a party with a bottle of manischewitz nobody wants a lot but we all want a little

if you could get your hand on some of that arby's vodka or something like that you know try it yes no no no i want to try it no for sure that's what a fun pick what if we get all of that that's great because i work in a late night show and we taught like they want us to talk about it so they can get free advertising in the momologue so they always send us like weird whatever weird flavored whatever arby's vodka i have like a lot of log that smells like fried chicken if i burn it like anything like any of that weird shit you see aggregated on news sites we get and it's all pretty weird that's that's a beautiful pick that is that is just a beautiful pick because it's a That's a beautiful pick. That is just a beautiful pick. It's a conversation starter.

It's a good time. It's like, what are we doing? We're drinking Arby's in here. Yeah. The horsey sauce one just tasted like a horseradish vodka and it was good. It was like, oh yeah, it has a bite to it. It's nice. I respect that. Yeah.

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Everything already in progress. Time for the fourth round of picks. Time for the fourth round of picks. I just picked weird booze and now I'm going to take a younger relative. I'm with the fourth round of picks. I just picked weird booze, and now I'm going to take a younger relative. Oh! Show him what time it is. This is my nephew.

He does the flips. Yeah. Just bring it, like, someone there. It's not, they're not, like, eight years old. This is someone who's, like, of age to be at a party. Yeah. And you're bringing them, and, like, hey, this is my little sister, or, hey, this is my, like, you know, little cousin. This is whoever, whoever. And you're bringing them in like, hey, this is my little sister. Or, hey, this is my little cousin. This is whoever, whoever.

And you're bringing them in. And it's like a fun party. Your friends are there. It's like good vibes. And then you're sort of like shepherding them into like the party lifestyle. It's bringing somebody in. Shaps are my little brother and everywhere I've ever taken him. Right, exactly.

Yeah. No, no, no. That's a great pick. That's a great pick because it's like, hey, you know that I understand that not Wanda says that all I do is smoke weed or whatever. But like, now you see who I really am. I'm cool. And I think you're cool. That's like, as a kid, a kid it's like oh god how how

integral was an older cousin or whatever to what yeah to what you're doing now so important i like or open for me as an older brother and sister yeah man that's a sweet one i like that that's a good one i didn't have any older siblings but i had micah and you know the older like skate dudes that would bring us they'd get us into the bars where they knew all the people or they'd like have house parties and they were cool like it was always a nice environment they were like they'd let us be little kid buck and they'd check us when we needed it when we did need it quite a bit and they'd be like hey you can't you know you got to calm down you can't just be doing this like we didn't know you we'd beat the shit out of you because like when i was a kid like especially like 17 18

all my friends were older than me yeah all my friends were older than me and that shit was like that shit was like important you know what i mean like yeah hey yeah hey this is ian he's cool don't fuck with him and hey girl talk to him my big sister brought me to like with some of her house parties you know like that she threw in like southeast portland she's like this like these cool lesbian parties man that were all like themed out and rad and just like oh hell yeah portland chicks and everything it was just like fuck this is awesome it just set a trajectory for me it's like yeah this is the kind of person i want to be at a party like laid back but having a great time and let's do a party yeah yeah let's do a party too where you're like because when you're a kid you're like oh partying is like beating people up and getting wasted and then somebody brings

you to a cool party and vouches for you and you're like oh no yeah it's a graduation of social status yeah it's like it's it's great i also like mall becks it's your your first experience with like getting partied out too you it's good to have like somebody who can take care of you a little bit because you always i did anyways i swung for the fence it's pretty hard a few times and it was nice having an older person that was like yeah you're you're gonna barf and then you'll be all right it's it's fine you'll be all right like don't sweat it you're in understanding that parties aren't just getting drunk because like for kids it's like you just get wasted but you go to a cool people adults party and you're like oh no people are oh

they're playing bags. They got pizza. They're exchanging ideas. Oh, okay. Alright. Oh, you like Sade. Okay. My tone is going to get lower. Exchanging ideas. This is such a funny way to put it.

I was thinking of the first person who did that for me. It was my older roommate. He brought me to a party and I I was like, oh, shit. I'm in the mix with the older people. And then one of his buddies ate dog food in front of all of us. It was like a party trick. Man, this guy's got some good ideas. You just find yourself whispering, indigo girls.

Indigo girls. That's what it was. Dude, that was my one. That's how I came up in parties. With just cool lesbians taking care of me and being like annie defranco that's the fucking best dude listen to this jeez that's good sean and then go also conversely going to parties with my older brother which were quite a bit gnarlier but i was also like a little bit younger than him yeah uh sean j. This can be controversial because it does beg you to get too drunk. But boy, did we have fun with this particular item.

It was a beer bong. Oh, baby. It's tough because it definitely sets a bar. I don't know. It's just fun, man. We had one hanging on our wall in our kitchen. I remember that moment where you were like, oh, shit. Yeah.

He brought the beer bar. It was tough because for us, it'd be like we had it at our crib. So we were kind of the place where people would like. You guys were going to drink one. It would come in and you would be like all right we're gonna use the beer bong and then you'd see like three or four people out of 10 get up and they're like all right word and then we go in the kitchen and then you know we even had like a recessed landing so it was like a three stair and then a let so you could just

stand on top whoever was doing the beer bong could get down on the landing and nobody had to like bend over anything you just hiked it up and it was like a filling station but did you guys ever have freak ones like i remember when one time we were at a party well there's like eight foot ones where you could put like six beers i think it was dan starkovich's house where it was like, it was on the roof and then it was on the ground. Also, that means someone has to go up on the roof to load it where you're like, okay, so it's not like there's a designated loader.

I was at a party once where people were beer-bonging liquor and I might have been one of those people. I've seen people do it with wine. I like that. Yeah, I might have been. Oh man, shout out to Andrew Moore. He listens to this podcast. we had a party where he here bieber he beer bombed an entire bottle of red wine bro yeah oh god that is how did

he not throw up that's nuts and again i am just saying this is i understand that it never was it never led to an amazing end and i have to say that it was a blast when i when i think back on that big it's a great pick it's just like now doing it now the amount of like i'm like oh how like controlled i am with drinking and everything thinking back to like i just had six beers at once like that you're a dad but you haven't done it in a long time it's just why i wish i could i wish that i could take half that from then and apply it to now well no i mean like if i could have not gone so hard then, allowing me to go a little bit harder than I can now. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It would have been preferable. You almost like, yeah, you almost like, I know what you mean. Yeah. You almost went so big that now you can't go big and you're like, damn. I feel like I blew it out. Yeah. You went so big you can't go home. Maybe don't.

Yeah. Who says you can't? That's a Rascal Flatts song. Yeah. Yeah. Who says you can't? That's a Rascal Flatts song. Yeah. I feel that. Maybe don't beer bomb that Jägermeister so I can have an extra shot now at 38. So when you're 38, you can have four drinks without your heart beating like a fucking EDM beat.

And I say that all in jest. I'm 27. Yeah, you don't know. I am a 24 sitcoms. Yeah. I love'm 27. I am 8.4. You don't know, dude. I love the 27. I am 35, though. 87.

Just a beer bong. It's real simple, real easy to take with you. Most of them came apart, put it in two pieces. They all came apart. Yeah, I guess none of them were welded together. I don't think so. I don't think you guys do. Kids now, I think, can buy beer bongs but when we were kids

it was you made them that was a Home Depot situation like smoking weed out of a socket you ever done that no but I have beer bonged that is a tough one where beer bong was great at every party I ever went to

it was like a station of the party though and there was a guy there was a couple guys that were like we are the beer bong was great. At every party I ever went to, it was like a station of the party, though. And there was a couple guys that were like, we are the beer bong guys. Oh, yeah. And like, we're going to be doing this all night. And it's a lot of pressure. And I could never do it. We listened to Creed and we beer bonged. We had two.

It was Rat and Pratt. They were the beer bong guys. Rat and Pratt. Rat and Pratt. Straight up. It rhymed for a reason. David Bohr, your fourth pick. My fourth pick. My fourth pick, and this is a far more adult pick than any of my picks have been, but this is like...

A divorce. I'm talking... The next logical after a fight, the divorce. Beat, fight, divorce. A murder. A stabbing to death. Grand Theft Auto. I'm saying an intricate dip.

Oh, my man. Oh, yeah. Like a dip that you have to tell your friends where you're like, no, I just shredded the chicken with two forks. Yeah, they said it. They said it on YouTube that you could. No, I just I got two forks. I shredded the chicken. And then, you know, it's hard to get – you know, it's hard to get Gouda this time of year.

But, like, I got the Gouda. Yeah. You know what I mean? Where it's like a dip you have to – a dip where the whole making of the dip is a story. Yeah. Like that's what I'm saying. You can eat it with no chips. I smoked it for so long that I only needed the two forks, actually.

Yeah, really. Right. You know, Jess sleeps through anything, so she didn't smell the smoke going through the house. But I was like, oh, my God, what's going on in the house? No, I was up at four. I was up at four to start this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love it.

It's my thing. It's my little hobby. Come on, man. It's my meditation. It's my therapy. It's my doctor. I didn't sell the show, but I can make the dip. You know what I mean? So it's my therapy I didn't sell the show but I can make the dip

so it's like cool no matter what I do yeah I love an intricate dip it's like it's the most adult thing you can bring to a party because as a kid you're just like I bought this thing but as an adult you're like

I crafted this I crafted this and I want you to know that I bought this thing. But as an adult, you're like, I crafted this. I crafted this, and I want you to know that I crafted this. That is great. It's like, yeah, my family's from Buffalo. That's where we got the chicken dip recipe. Obviously we moved all over the country.

I still use Buffalo chicken, though. I still use Buffalo chicken. I'd never be that guy. You know what I mean? I'd never do that. It's also you saying, it's like saying, I'm not trying to chase the kid. All right? This is who I am.

I'm this guy at the party. Yeah. That's where we are. Intricate. It's an intricate dip. I love that. I worked on this dip. Yeah.

You know why it's warm? From my love. Perfect. I taste and love in that. That is really good. God. Intricate. I worked on this dip. You know why it's warm? For my love. Perfect. I tasted love in that. That is really good. It's nice when you see it fly. You're like, oh, that shit was gone. Just off the shelves.

Oh, my God. Is there a better feeling than your dip going away quick? No, it isn't. Come on. People are clamoring for more dip. I think you're a dick about it. You know, Amanda's potato salad is still there. I need potato salad now.

Oh, shit. Probably more like fly egg salad by now, because they've been buzzing all over the place. She put walnuts in it. That's why it's still there. It's kind of congealed at the top, because it's been so still, you know? Yeah. She out-thanked herself there. She out-thanked herself and then you get dip though

that's what i got yeah nice got over his skis tumbled down the mountain all right i'm trying to make it too fancy let me make that decision all right yeah uh tom time for your fourth and then your final picks yes god this flew by there's so many that I feel like there's so many still left on the table. There's a crazy left on the table. I feel like a fucking idiot now for cigarettes because there was a better one. No, cigarettes is good. I think I was right about cigarettes. You have two picks.

You could pick. You have two things left. I know, but I've got like eight more to do. I bring a lot of shit to the party, brother. It's tough. All right. Oh, shit. Okay, the one that I feel like I would be lying to myself if I didn't do is,

and it follows with Dave just now, it's specifically my favorite chip. It's always a hit. Purple Doritos are the biggest slapper of all time. You got to get the perp. It's always a hit. Purple Doritos are the biggest slapper of all time. You got to get the perp. It's the sweet chili. It's so fucking good. I love it when somebody brings a chip to the party when you're like, all I've had is plate food.

Yeah. I don't want any more plate food. I'm hungry, but I don't want any more potato salad. I don't want any more casserole. I don't want any more. Let me grab two of them. Because I don't want to more potato salad. I don't want any more casserole. I don't really want any more. Let me grab two of them. Because I don't want to take up all the space. I still want some like zero space.

Also, your girl who got the lap band surgery is pocket watching me. How many wings I ate. Get the fuck out of my house. Your girl that got the lap band surgery. You just want that. Also, you want some of that like salty to keep you drinking. You know what I mean? It's drinking. You just want that Salty To keep you drinking That's a tradition for a reason

Keeps you light dude And it's like perfect for when people are still showing up And like it's just easy to have And the purple ones are the ones The perps baby I just like Doritos man I like them all Regular Doritos are great

But that purple one, you're like, oh. Everybody loves the purple. Oh, my God. Am I a fucking duke? What the hell is this? I get to have the purple ones? You know what bugs me? They have those Doritos in the yellow bag that are corn flavored, and you're like, hey, they're all corn flavored.

Stop it. Give me more than that. Call it what it is. Flavorless, you fucking piece of shit. Yeah, they're plain. Those ones where I'm like, don't you dare. These are the same. All right, well, now you're talking like somebody who isn't standing next to an intricate dip.

That's what I'm hearing from you. That's true. You've got to put something in that dip. I'm hearing some no-dip talk from Sean Jordan here. If all of this shit's at the same party, you got my muscle, you got David's beef, and the fight. You got intricate dips, you got a cool dog. This is wild. I gotta get my little sister out of here, though.

You're gonna replace her with double the cigarettes because this place is gonna be popping off. She's graduated. Oh, that's tight. Some guy's slamming fucking aperitifs in the kitchen beer bong over there oh this is my guy's hopped up on soju and now he wants to fight me this guy's getting drunk on just compare can we stop with the soju america we don't like it it's for korea i just had some

disgusting ass soju i went to a party that's all i really did not like it we hate it here we hate it here i don't i've never been to korea i don't know what you do i'll throw down with i'll throw down with the korean if a korean dude rolls into a party with some soju i'm not gonna not have some i love your wings your food food. Give me that bim-bap. I don't give a fuck about soju. Stop. Stop trying. David is fucking coming in hot. No cats.

He's going home. Sorry, that was hot. No soju, dude. I like it. There's someone at home with their feelings hurt. It might be Isaac Lee. No, Isaac Lee. Does he have a cat or is he a dog person?

He's a dog guy. He's a dog guy. See? That's why I love Isaac. No, I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I got my feelings. I got my feelings.

Purple Doritos. And your final pick. Final pick. This is, like I said, so many on the board, but I had my heart set on this one. This is a tough one because you guys already kind of touched on these, but it's not quite what I wanted. Because we heard bottle for passing around. Yes. We heard weird fun bottle.

I know what you're doing. No, this is a – because I like cocktails, but this is – I'm not going to go – I wanted to go pre-batch cocktail. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do a very specific one that I think is going to turn the party up. It gets people drunk faster than they thought they were going to specifically picklebacks baby oh yeah you're bringing in that includes the jamo that's a good one if you bring just a bunch of pickle juice it's such a good time and it's one of those it's a it's a conversation starter everybody loves it everybody

loves a pickleback i still remember the my first time when i walked into a bar it was it was exactly was it the white eagle no it wasn't the white eagle it was actually uh shit what's that one call it's not around anymore it was like a big time portland hipster bar that was like named after a beatle song like jack fuck anyway jack london jack walked in huh not jack london that's the was it called Dig a Pony? Dig a Pony! Marissa, you fucking rule. Also, how do you know that?

I just Googled it. How do you know that? Oh, okay. Yeah, Dig a Pony. She's good at the internet. I went to Dig a Pony, and I was looking at the little drinks menu, and I was like, now what the fuck is a pickleback? And when I was informed as to it was exactly what it sounded like fucking six of those motherfuckers that night it's so good picklebacks are insane there's it's like laughing gas for

liquor you just make immediately forget the taste of it yeah yeah it's so dangerous it's like tequila with a lime but way yeah but way more powerful yes and it's so good and it's one of those it's a conversation i remember the first one i had too i was at a bar in my hometown, and Henry Phillips was in town. Oh, Henry. Very funny comic. But he was a little drunk because he kept explaining what we were going to experience. He was like, no, you're going to think it's going to be bad. But then you take the shot, and you're like, oh, this is pretty good.

And he kept saying it over and over again. So finally we did it, and I was like is that you're right it's fucking erased it it isn't it's a fine line though with the pickleback guy at the party because you don't want to be i don't want to be i don't want to be him you don't want to be him though he's not i like the pickleback but i don't want to i don't you can just drop in the kitchen and move on you don't have to yeah you don't want to be lingering because i've been that i've been i've done that i've been like hey man i brought this pickle juice i'm telling you to try it people like all right man quit trying to push your fucking pickle juice agenda on me yeah uh you work for big pickle you don't want to be that guy he doesn't work for me it is fun when you're just

like hey oh shit pickle juice is right here why not try why not toss that back it's a it's a it's a good little time i'm a pickle man from as far as i can remember yeah what a great pick love pickles love pickle backs all in on them now also it's like you can really only do you can't do those at your house like just by yourself you don't want to i don't want crazy there's some things that are only for parties that's what that's why it's a party dark bars dark dark dark bars damn i might get one today actually now that i'm i might do a pre-show for parties. That's why it's a party pick. Dark bars. Damn, I might get one today, actually. I might do a pre-show pickleback.

These are the dangerous episodes. Those are the girls I don't tell you I talk to. David, time for your final pick. I'm taking deviled eggs, baby. Oh, yeah. Come on. You took the work. You took the time and you did the work Deviled eggs, baby. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Come on. Come on.

You took the work. You took the time and you did the work to devil those eggs? I got them all up. With that tip of paprika on the top? The back nine of this podcast is fucking exactly where I want to be, dude. I love this. exactly where I want to be dude I mean listen I've been here for all of it but like if we're getting into dips and Doritos and

picklebacks and fucking deviled eggs man come on when have you ever had a bad time and it seems like you could have a real bad time with it but it's not they're always delicious time and it's it seems like you could have a real bad time with it but it's not susan brought

devil like they're always delicious sometimes and people and people they they take their own moves with them sometimes people put some bacon on them sometimes they put a piece of capicorn on the top i don't know what you're doing yeah yeah sriracha yeah i've never been mad at a deviled egg and when and when somebody brings them to the party you're like okay okay yeah somebody pour one up for simone she bought some deviled eggs also now we're talking about protein bro we're putting a little protein in the system, right? Come on. I got it.

I got it. Being healthy. Rocky eats those. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. Deviled eggs, man.

That's good. It's always good at a party. That's another one that took me a long time to realize I liked, too, because there was something off-putting about the egg nature of it. Same with pickle. I was like, I don't know if I'm going to fuck with this. And then you eat a couple. You're like, I've been a fool my whole life. I've wasted so many the egg nature of it. Same with pickle. I was like, I don't know if I'm going to fuck with this. And then you eat a couple, you're like, I've been a fool my whole life.

I've wasted so many years. I missed it. Excellent. Sean Jordan, your final pick. This is selfish, it's only for me, but I'm bringing a pair of sunglasses I can wear throughout the night. I got to do it. I love going to a house party with sunglasses on.

I don't care about them so someone wants to wear them they can wear them their community but it's not for everyone they their community but i just i'm in it i love being inside at one in the morning with some shades on in the kitchen i just shit's fun man i've seen it i've seen it a bunch of times yep gotta do it that's good shades it is cool i'm taking a move i've only made a few times it's also somewhat selfish but it's one that i've i i i'm always glad when i do do you a couple a couple of little jugs of pedialyte oh nice yeah beneficial let's get a head start yeah on that hangover dude yeah and you know i'll mix liquor with it.

I've seen you do it. That's some board shit, dude. I'll fucking do it. I'll do it. It was bored in my mind because I'm like, that shit is the viscousness of cough syrup. I struggle with the Pedialyte, to be honest. It looks like you're making lean for a minute. You guys know how big it was when 7-Eleven

started making their own Pedialyte? I love it. I drink the shit out of it, but it's like there's something about the viscosity of it. I love that viscosity. It's a little too thick. It's a little too thick for me. Yeah.

I do like that. A real thing I've been doing is like... We gotta write that song. We do, we do. It's still time. It's coming. Summer 2023. Summer 2023. Yeah, we are in the's still time it's coming it's coming summer 2023 summer 2023 the album's coming uh yeah dude just a little bit just a little you know what like i'm saying

specifically pedialyte but any kind of sports drink anything to get your electrolytes up just to get a little bit of a head start on it if you know where you're headed yeah getting that getting ahead on your fucking hangover is the main thing i've learned in my adulthood yeah yeah clutch it helps a real thing i've been doing is just buying water today yeah i've been giving people at the end of my parties i just are like towards the end when things seem to be wrapping up i'll just start handing people costco end of my parties, I just are like towards the end when things seem to be wrapping up a little, I'll just start handing people Costco brand sparkling waters. I'm like,

just take this for now. You're going to enjoy it. And they're always, Oh hell yeah. And it's like, I have to do it myself or else I'm going to forget. I don't drink enough water. That's a beautiful thing to do for oneself.

That's the final pick of the draft. Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah, I do. But first I wanted to mention a variation of something that was already selected. So I've heard of this move. I've never done it, but I really, really want to. If you ever go to a white elephant party where you have to bring like a cheap gift to

exchange, what's fun to do is you go, you get a Domino's pizza or a hot and ready, and then you wrap that in gift wrap. And then that's your white elephant gift. Everyone can smell it. Everyone knows what it is. Everyone wants that gift. And it's just like cheap to do. It's easy. It's fun. So I want to do that one white elephant.

And then secondly, something that I've had success with is bringing virtual reality to a party. I love to introduce that to people, especially if they're drunk. It's always a scene. Yeah, it could be. I've shown like VR chat to people, blew their minds. Always always by the end of it i have someone like dming me being like okay so like how do i get this like where do i start what does that mean you're bringing like uh like equipment what is that yeah so i have a quest 2 headset so it's just a headset and two wireless controllers it's very easy very portable and i could just chromecast it to someone's tv

screen i'm barfing sick i'm gonna to barf. Pickle juice and deviled eggs everywhere. This is the most embarrassing thing I think I've ever told anyone, but I used to bring a full rock band setup. Whoa! This was my next pick, but I was going to have too many picks, but

I was just at a party. Okay, I'm glad this got brought up. Thank you for bringing this up. I was just at a party where someone had not only the full rock band setup, but they had something called Clone Hero. Oh, I haven't heard of that. Which is a new mod game where it's free to download. I'm down. Let's go. And you're able to get like all 5,000 officially licensed songs from rock band and Guitar Hero all for free.

Oh, shit. And because it's a modded game, like you could have, I think you could have like three guitars at a time. You could have like a tambourine they were adding all these instrument support and we had it at a party and it was just so much fun it's just like a karaoke machine plus all these instruments. You could play rock band on a tambourine? I guess so

I could just be like the guy who killed fucking Crosby, Stills and Nash they just added bongo support as well bongo support as well. Shout out to bongo support. Bongo support is not a real term. So if anyone's interested in it, it's called Clone Hero.

That sounds really fun. I will say, I think the way I did it was kind of lame because it would turn it at the end. I couldn't play a real instrument so it was like me being the acoustic guitar guy but with Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero is way more least other people can play. Yeah, that's true.

My brother moved to Johannesburg for bongo support and then they pulled it and I was like, what are you going to do? That's a tale as old as time, dude. If you're in the bongo support business, you lease, you do not buy. Not in Joburg. Not in Joburg.

No, sorry. To recap, Tom, you went first first you took a 30 rack of domestic beer cornhole sigs purple doritos and picklebacks david you went second you took a stack of dominoes beef a fist fight an intricate dip and deviled eggs sean you went third you took a bottle to play past the shit muscle a friendly dog a beer bong and shades for you i went last i took gossip ninety dollars a taco bell weird booze a younger relative and pedialyte this is a good party this is a good fucking party very good one i can't believe none of us said weed i know weed yeah nobody said I was going to say, this is just a tip for people.

I kind of didn't take it because I would have been stealing it from Emmy Blotnick, but mini joints. She likes to roll tiny joints. Oh, I love that. I love mini joints. It's just a bowl of mini joints at her after wedding party. And I was like, that's where I got cigarettes too because I don't even smoke cigarettes.

But I was like, oh, that's so cool. She just got them for everybody. And then mini joints are right next to it with lighters. And you're just like, oh my God, I'm living large, baby. It's so good. Hell yeah. That's great.

A deck of cards. Yes. Oh yeah. I had Jenga on there. A fog machine I had, but when am I really doing that? Hey, where can I plug this in? It'd be sick, but yeah, I'm not actually doing it.

Like a speaker or anything? I guess people have that. I had an iPod, but that's like, yeah, not anymore. Back in the day, I put like a good mix CD, but that's like high school shit. Yeah. One that I think is under it is bringing like your hot single friends to a party just mix it up when you were a kid

where it was like who's coming and you're like I'm coming with some cool dudes who are going to fuck everybody that I'm not my wife suggested a tray of baked goods, which tells you the difference between the kind of parties we go to, but it would be nice.

God bless her heart. Did she consider a fist fight or not? She didn't consider it. That was her next pick. She said a tray of baked goods and a fist fight. But it would, even at the kind of parties we used to go to, we'd still be sometimes. Oh, yeah, dude.

They'd have got gobbled up. No, they got eaten. Some cobbled up. Everyone was like, what kind of brownie is this? Yeah. Yeah. Let's cut pistachios in it. All right, dude. They'd have got gobbled up. Come on. Some cobbled up. Everyone was like, what kind of brownie is this? Yeah. Yeah. Let's cut pistachios in it. All right.

Lovely. Beef jerky, by the way. Always good. Love a beef jerky, man. A good attitude. A lot of things you can do. I had a good vibe on you that didn't feel. Yeah, me too.

Me too. We want to hear what you would bring. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AF afe patreon the afe sheslackity the afe subreddit shout out to super producer marissa oh i just wanted to bring up um so last week uh what the episode that aired most recently was surprises uh where we had uh we had to be quick on our feet because we had a guest cancel and then Ian couldn't make it.

And so I had the idea. Well, someone tweeted at me five years ago saying they're like, hey, it'd be fun if you guys did a surprise draft where at the very last minute you guys just draft surprises and so everyone's on the same footing. Anyways, they responded to it

and they found the original tweet where they came from. And so I just wanted to shout out that person now we're being sued shout out to Big Sizzle on Twitter for coming up with that idea and also still listening after five years and being like yeah shout out to Big Sizzle

shout out to Big Sizzle in life in general you've got a name that works for you and I appreciate it absolutely I think we got a lot of people five years in the game, six years in the game now. Shout out to all of you. And shout out to Frankie Ocean, Sid the Dude, Haji Beats,

and more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaglackity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.