All Fantasy Everything - Things To Do If The World Was Ending (w/ Nicole Byer, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

As we stare into the abyss of the unknown, we ponder the question: what would you do if the world was ending? Join the gang as we navigate our wildest last-day-on-Earth fantasies if given one final hurrah. And just as we're fantasizing about the end of the world, we're also facing the end of an era. This is the final episode for our beloved super-producer Marissa. So, buckle up, listeners. It's going to be an emotional rollercoaster of an episode. But hey, that's how we'd want to go out if the world was ending, right? Here's to endings, beginnings, and everything in between.   Episode Guest: Nicole Byer @nicolebyer IG: @nicolebyer Podcast: Why Won't You Date Me?   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things we'd do if the world was ending. Because, in a very real way, this is Super Producer Marissa's final episode

producing All fantasy everything. Our guest today, other than Super Producer Marissa, is the hilarious comedian, the multi-award-winning podcast host. Part of the reason, other than Marissa, Marissa has a bunch of podcast awards. She's a TV icon who you know from shows like Wipeout, Nailed It, and Grand Crew. We're thrilled she's joining us again. It's Nicole Byer. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And joining me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey.

Let's get into it. That's the best intro I could do regarding the emotional circumstances we're recording under today. That was pretty good. That was great. I like emotion, man. Well, here we go. Put it on his tombstone. Welcome to a very somber episode of All Fantasy Everything.

I'm not doing the yell. I'm not doing the yell. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, it's not a... Welcome to a celebration episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is executive produced now and always by super producer marissa oh but for the first for the first several hundred episodes as an active executive producer going forward as a do-nothing executive producer who just kind of comes in

makes a profit gives notes drinks our lacroix's and then bounces. Yeah, you're like Buff Daddy. Oh, that's the goal, baby. You're just going to come in and be like, put some drums there. You're going to get really into ayahuasca and start going to Burning Man. You're going to date Young Miami. Yeah, change your name six times. I love this feature for me.

Yeah, it does sound pretty dang. It looks good on you. Nicole, you can talk whenever now. I can? I didn't know. I was being future for me. Yeah, it does sound pretty dang. Nicole, you can talk whenever now. I can? I didn't know. I was being quiet and respectful. No, that stops now. Start being disrespectful and laugh. Hell yeah. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

It's okay. I've been getting too much respect lately anyways. I don't know. My wife bought me moldy bread yesterday. Yes, you're getting no respect. I don't want to punch down. That sounded rude. wife bought me moldy bread yesterday. So yes, you're getting no respect. I don't want to punch down. No, that sounded rude.

She bought me moldy bread. She was out doing shopping for the house. My frigging wife bought me moldy bread yesterday. I could have got off my fucking ass and went and got bread, but I didn't. No, dude, you were getting bread in Seattle doing a road show,

right? No, that's Saturday. Yeah. Oh, that's coming. You're doing a roast show? I got's saturday yeah that's coming a roast show i gotta go roast this dude for his 40th and uh he drives a ferrari and he's a he's all his boys

say he's a business guy so i'm like okay so pretty easy stuff then wait so it's just a rich man who wants a roast for a party yeah he seems rad but yeah he's just does he i don't think he's rad fucking now wait until that check clears, Kit. And then, yeah, you know, you're still rad until that check clears. And then who knows after that. The roast starts now, bro. Couldn't afford a McLaren? Fucking broke, boy.

Broke. You dork. Yeah, dude. You dork. Yeah. I'm just going to say different degrees of that. You dork. Yeah.

You dork. I'm out here, man. Nobody's safe. All his friends are going to be dorks, too. Dork, dork, dork, dork, dork. Dork, dork, dork, dork, dork, dork i'm out here man nobody's safe all his friends are gonna be dorks too dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork do they like give you information about him to like roast him how how personal like were they like yeah yeah his kids don't like him it was all it's all the same four ish things you know business uh like got his whip he likes whiskey you know i don't want to air him out too hard i'm sorry for airing there's a strike on right now you could probably get some pretty

vicious fucking punched up jokes if you just reached out to a few people that's true yeah you could do that support the writers yeah man spread that wealth around a little bit oh shit it's on me all right i'll yeah i stand with the wga i'm in there you go i'm in the wga i'm out there in a controversial take i stand with the streamers yeah there it goes very funny that would be so funny if someone legitimately was like i love the streamers i love cashing checks for six cents. It's good. I love it. I hear what you're saying and all. I think you're wrong on this one.

I hope this doesn't change anything personally between us. You know, I feel like it's just like friends and stuff. I just, you know, I love Hulu. You love Hulu. I'm with the business lawyers, man. I'm with the law. I'm with the 5%. I'll just walk up to the picket line just excuse me trying to get by excuse me trying to get in that door trying to trying to get right in there marissa when do you want to do the emotional stuff

up top at the end or all the way through it uh maybe here and there all right let's uh oh i did clip out something i wanted to play so nicole's first time guesting was on episode 61 dating with amy miller back in 2017 wow what a long time ago yeah and nicole had one of my favorite draft picks of all time um and i want to play a clip of it this is the first draft pick in the episode. And I will preface, I was like a little nervous during this episode because he was like Nicole's first time on the podcast. I know Nicole doesn't like listen to podcasts ever. So like, I know she wasn't too familiar with it. Sure don't. As the first pick of the episode, it kind of like sets the tone for like the whole show. And so I

was like really worried that like, I hope she like understands the premise I hope you'll be good and this was the clip and it ended up being one of my favorite draft picks of all time so here it is all right Nicole so you have the first pick and this is something I like about dating it could be something you like yeah I think mostly something you like but yes just something you want to think

about dating it could be anything I made a list on my phone and the first one I I put was being eaten out. It's so good. My favorite thing. I imagine it's great. They haven't been through this. Marissa, she knows.

You're giving a thumbs up. Thumbs up from the studio. Yeah, that was my favorite pick. I remember howling in the studio. I went all red and I was giving a thumbs up. My favorite pick of all time, so thank you, Nicole, for that. That is tight. Yeah, that was pretty good.

Thank you. It was like 10 in the morning, too. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right. You know what British people call it being licked out whatever reason that's upsetting it's way worse that's why we won the war that's exactly right exactly right well mars i can't wait for you to hear my first pick is very funny because i'm just gonna show you that's what i wrote wait you can't really

see it oh wait we don't want to spoil it okay i don't want to spoil it well okay it's not exactly that but it's pretty close yeah okay that's oh yeah i was kind of banking that that would happen today spank spank spank banking that it would happen i respect. I can't wait to hear these. Like I said, a lot of mine were fire-based. So we all got weird shit going. What do you mean by fire-based? I feel like there's so few things you can set on fire. You think that, and then you get in my brain, and there's a bunch.

Yeah, I got middle school stuff. Just stuff that I always just wanted to do, but I could never just get it done. You just got to get into it. Mr. Chug a glass of hot sauce has a middle school ass list. Yeah. Well, this is making me nervous. So can I do this up top, Marissa? Ian suggested I write you a rap song, so I did it.

That's right. So can I do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I wrote, yeah. But it makes me nervous because, you know, as we know, I'm not a good rapper from the one rap song that i put out so i'm also nervous if it makes you feel any better i'm excited uh can you do a beat or should i do it i can just do it i don't even know if it goes on

but i'm doing one with my heart all right it's funny i'm shaking the food poisoning and my nerves have me shaking you see it or the mental food poisoning anyway all right here we go the super producer that never shook chinook they never shook canuck they're gonna write about this woman in the history books you think you've heard things clearly but i don't think you understood she'll make your shit more audible with just one look marissa's the best not a thief or a crook when it comes to being dope i I think she wrote the book. Scott Storch got nothing on Mars. She's a whiz. When I hear the kids talking, they say she got the riz.

Marissa Melnick, you can simply call her Mars. She murders, beats, saves her, and produces for the stars. The treasure of the North, Toronto's very finest. She makes us sound amazing when she drafts it as the nicest. Met her about six years ago, and we're all forever changed. She's always there to help us when we can't find the stage. Give me the best of Audio Hijack, QuickTime, and Zoom.

They got nothing compared to what the super producer can do. She makes everyone sound amazing and the sound is so crisp she could make wine out of water and a blood sound like a crip. I love you to pieces, Marissa. You're the best. I'm almost crying. Aw, thank you so much, Sean. That was nice. I'm crying, Sean. That was nice.

The first draft had a lot more N-words. I'll tell you that. I had to get in. That was so beautiful. I wasn't expecting that. Thank you so much, Sean. I'm nervous. It was crazy. I'm going to save and clip that out for my personal file. You'll just listen to it

every night before bed. To make it sound like you're going to masturbate to it later. I think she's going to. I think you should put it on your Fuck Jams playlist. There's two bars I forgot. They were at the bottom of the email. I didn't have these two bars. Hold on. There's simply no replacing her

and she's one of a kind. There's nothing we wouldn't do to get her out of a bind. We'll miss you forever and we're always going to hang. You're cemented as time in the good vibes gang. There we wouldn't do to get her out of a bind we'll miss you forever and we're always gonna hang you're cemented as time in the good vibes gang there we go those are at the bottom of the email

that was nice thank you Sean you're welcome oh man that's that's very sweet it was like God speaking through Sean

and she did a great job that's right that's right we're spreading around the bits today we're spreading around that man that God MC himself is sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar mel jordan

on instagram sean the microphone sean the rhymes if you will what's happening yeah creator of gray's anatomy that's right uh we're on station 19 people sleep on that But if you like soap operas, get down. Station 19? Yeah, it's a fireplace. It's a sister show of Grey's Anatomy. Is that what you're promoting right now? I do have a couple shows coming up that I did want to talk about.

June 15th, I am coming back to Columbus, where the best AFV that we've ever done live. I'm coming back to do some stand-up. I'm very, very excited about it. It's going to be on Thursday, June 15th. There's going to be a Lawbird. And then the next day, on Friday, June 16th, I'm going to be in Cleveland.

And I'm going to be Mahal's apartment. Is this after Rob Hayes comes into us, I know? Or before? Could be tonight. Rob Hayes will be in Portland the last Thursday of May. He's fantastic. You're going to love him. I thought Rob Hayes was like May 25th, I think. Yeah.

See? That's why you're there. I'm just over here like, who are the fuck falls? We're going to fall apart. We are a wet paper bag. We're already busted at the sea. Come see Rob.

It'll be great. Rob is fantastic. And yeah, you know, that's it fantastic david boy is here cool guy joke 77 on instagram no longer on twitter never gonna go back where can people see you uh may 19th come to high note comedy denver we got brad sativa june 18th, I'm headlining the DC Improv with Jamel Johnson. And then, you know, watch Royal Crackers on HBO. Kiss Your Mom, stuff like that. Beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful. Nicole Byer is here. At Nicole Byer on Twitter. At Nicole Byer on Instagram. That's me. Almost too many credits to name at this point. I'm sorry about your career. Thank you. I really appreciate your career. Thank you.

I really appreciate the support. Thank you. For the listeners, you won't be able to see this, but just a beautiful wall design behind you there. Yeah, I love your room. Thank you. That couch looks lush. It is not.

It's not? It's from a place called, I don't want to shout them out. That's mean. but it's not like fluffy in the way that you would want. It's just like a couch made out of wood with a little bit of fillings. Oh, that's terrible. But it's a good color. Yeah, it's a great color.

Yeah. It looks like it'd be like sitting on like a cotton candy cloud or something. I wish. It's not that comfy. I've been to Nicole's place and it is incredible. It is gorgeous. It is colorful. It is like fun and you feel good being there.

I understand why you don't want to be in studio ever again to record podcasts. It's like, why would you leave a house like that? It's like, it's incredible. I like my place. It's fun. Truly inspirational. Thank you. Why won't you date me, of course?

Yes. Yeah. Listen to that. Listen to that. Yeah, listen to that. It's fun. I produce it. Grand Crew, of course. Yeah, watch that. It's on Peacock. It's fun. Yeah, nailed it. Of course. Yeah, it's on Netflix. Watch that. That's fun. Wipe Out?

Yeah, watch that. It's on TBS. I guess it's on Max. Just Max. Just Max now. Just Max. It's actually just Max. It's actually just Max, guys. I guess it's fun.

It's fun, too. It's all fun. It's fun. Various, I mean, doing stand-up comedy. Where do you want to direct people right now? Oh, I want to direct people to my Instagram link tree that has all my dates. I have some in July. I'll be in Denver and then in the fall and bopping around.

Perfect. Fantastic. Dope. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Italian linen shirt depot.com. You can find me

on there. When this episode drops, I'm going to be so in Italy, none of you may ever hear from me again. Oh, that's nice. Where in Italy are you going? Going everywhere. Venizio del Toro, and then going to Florence, Firenze. I'm going to start calling it. Tuscany, Rome, the Amalfi Coast, and then the Naples for one day just to handle some business.

Okay. That's a nice little trip. Yeah. Finally doing the old honeymoon a few months after because the late show with James Corden, RIP, dead. Oh, did you have your last episode? We had our last episode. We did like a little wrap party. I don't think I can talk about it.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. I'll tell all of you, but you have to, Marissa, you can leave everything else in here, but you have to blank out the celebrity names. Okay. Okay. She was off her ass. She was so drunk and fun.

Yes. That's great. I love to hear that. You know it's her birthday tomorrow? That might be too big of a clue. Oh, shit. They don't know when we're recording this. That's true. They have no idea when we're recording. I thought you were kidding. No, I'm serious. No, I thought David was kidding. It's her birthday tomorrow to throw him off the trail.

Never mind. No, it is her birthday tomorrow. She fucking rules, by the way. I'm just blanking the name out for the interest of privacy, but none of these are bad stories. She just was fucking awesome. Gave like a lovely speech, was dancing, just like a party animal.

That's great. Love to hear that. And then you have to blank out, you have to lift this entire part,issa i so uh i'm doing stand-up comedy you can come see me at the comedy works in denver downtown uh june 22nd 23rd 24th other than that and being in italy you can find me on the picket line with my colleagues just fucking just just protesting the shit out of the ampdp once again agree to disagree okay give me a little room i'll just sneak past you won't even know i'm in the building absolutely just slink on by let me just oh i just i. I gotta have top boy. You know what I mean?

I understand that. I understand that. Because Marissa played a recording of our voices from earlier, I'm going to now spend the rest of the episode talking in kind of a lower, more masculine register. Did you notice your voices changed at all

in like six years? I feel like it was higher then but i also don't but i also don't know that also just might be selective hearing yeah my shit always comes off high when i when i hear myself talk like on a podcast or a clip or something i'm like what the fuck yeah dude i sound like a tool always and forever i can't i can't get past it i agree i wasn't even on that and i sounded like a loser anybody actually knows what they sound like no no you know which that'll twist your brain into a pretzel because i can hear my every time i hear me i'm like she sucks yeah i feel the same way i get it i get it i hate my voice i think you all have amazing voices from a from a listener's standpoint i'm listening to all

your voices and they sound great so do you and especially when you rap and you should do it a lot more often. You should. You should become a rapper. You should be the next Eminem. Don't. You should. Oh, don't gas me up. You should go buy Skittles.

Yeah, you should. Oh, man. That's great. A million dollars worth of game right there. First album, Moldy Bread, dude. No, dude. First album, Crip Skittles. I don't know if you want to...

Yeah, I don't think you you want to affiliate yourself that way. That's going to thrust me into the market that I'm shooting for. I don't think so. That is a good idea. They didn't make Blue Skittles until they started fucking with me. That's the first track. But they do make Blue Skittles

in the Tropical Pack. In the flavors. You're right. You're right. Which color is the tropical pack? Blue. The red's the standard. Oh, yeah.

That's a good pack. Do you think they have a light blue Skittle in there? I could be wrong. Yeah, they have a pink one, too. No, I think you're right. If not, the purple ones have blue, for sure. I might get some Skittles for the plane. I mean, Skittles are great.

Oh, yeah. I fucking love Skittles. Skittles are so good mean Skittles are great Skittles are so good Skittles are great What is a Skittle? Mini draft, what's your favorite candy? Goobers Damn Oh I like Whoppers

I'm a Butterfinger guy If I gotta just pick one Interesting You got a box They sent me a giant box But I'm trying Butterfinger guy. If I gotta just pick one. Interesting. You got a box. They sent me a giant box, but I'm trying not to eat sweets, so it's just sitting there. Oh, no. That's some willpower. I would give it away.

Tempting me. I tried to. I put it out at a barbecue, and people took like two Butterfingers. So you leave it at a... Was it a barbecue at your house? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you gotta take it somewhere.

Take it to their house. You gotta take it somewhere. house you gotta take it somewhere take it on the road yeah i think i might bring it to a picket line and be like here you go have some butterfingers oh wait that's really smart you should do that yeah you should re-gift everything you don't have that you don't like at the picket here's some shirts i got a swag do you here you need this yeah yeah i went through ll bean phase but i think i'm over it here you need this yeah yeah i went through a l.l. bean phase but i think i'm over here you go guys here's some free podcast merchandise not going to mention any names because i appreciate all of our sponsors and the products they send us oh yeah it gets used i might not be using every

stitch of it but it gets used those liquid ivs got used i'll tell you that i love liquid iv those are just to be real they are very helpful when you're not feeling good and you're hungover. Absolutely. It's amazing. It's amazing. I've started drinking them before bed when I drink a lot. Like if I have the mindset, I'm like, oh, let me just slam this. And then you wake up and you're like, you feel good.

Drink one before you get started too. That tends to help me. Like if I drink, if I do it at like 5 p.m., the yellow one, I think. Anyway, yeah, it helps. Or at least I think it helps. I got a stupid mind. We already established that.

But for me, it helps. I'm really worried about when we run out of that case, when I run out of the case, because I don't want to pay for them myself. I get that. Go ahead and pour this to what I made. I saw him at Costco. They're like 20 bucks a case.

Can I tell you guys that story about early COVID? I tweeted. I was like, how's a guy get a case of Yerba Mate? Wanting Yerba Mate to send me a case. And then everyone commented. They're just like, go buy them, bro. They got them at Costco. I know where to get a case of shit if I want a case of shit.

Super producer Marissa is here, at Mars Mel on Twitter. Hi. At, what is it on Instagram? Oh, it's at Mars Mel on Twitter and then at Mars.Mel on Instagram. That's right, Mars.Mel on Instagram. Thank you.

Make sure you friggin' follow the super producer if you don't already. Yeah, see where my adventures lead me to that premium super nintendo world content yeah beat more beat saber content coming in the future or if you just want to see me pet some street cats uh you could find that all my instagram street cat chronicles especially now that summer is on the way those are fantastic dude you got foxes in the neighborhood. That's sick. That shit is wild to me. Foxes up there.

Yeah. Never seen one. I don't think I've ever seen a fox. Wait, you have foxes? I only have coyotes. When I go for a walk. There he goes. Oh, I get it.

Because he's the fox. Oh, boy. That was tough for me. I now stand with the streamers the writers do not deserve more money that show got done just in time uh no just coyotes there's not a fight with skunks i got hella skunks in my neighborhood yeah there was a skunk yeah there was a skunk that came back in the yard when we were chilling the other night. Just walked past and we were all talking to it like a burglar. Just like, it's all, just stay over there.

You just gotta give it a wide berth. Yeah. I have a skunk who lives in my backyard sometimes and I'll just, and he looks like a cartoon skunk. I didn't really skunks look like, like they're so adorable. They're little cartoons. Yeah. They're hella cute. Oh my God.

But then I just like stay inside and then my backyard stinks and then my dog doesn't know where to go it's they're they're a menace but i'm like i don't know you can't kill a skunk now how do you even do it i have no clue you'd have to be like willing to go out in a hail of bullets you know what i mean it's like we're both going down me and the skunk like skunk's vicious i don't think so they're gonna spray the shit out of you oh yeah that i got i got close to one. I was walking up the stairs to someone's crib one time, and it was at the top of the stairs,

and it started hissing at me. And I backed up. I was getting mugged. I had a possum in my backyard, and then it died. So I called someone to come get it. It was just playing dead because it saw me. It was very embarrassing to be like, there's a dead possum.

And then they come, and it's like, where is it? And I'm like, I don't know. And he was like, there's a dead possum. And then they come and it's like, where is it? And I'm like, I don't know. And he was like, oh, he was playing dead. And I was like, so I'm the idiot? Okay. He got me. That's funny. I was out for a walk and I saw a skunk.

And like, it was just crossing the street as I was walking down the sidewalk. And I didn't notice it until it was like almost too late. And it started doing this like it does this like posture where it like starts stomping the ground with its front feet and like gets its tail up and I walked backwards like it was like in reverse. You know what I mean?

Like you were rewinding a movie. I just like walked like so fast. I'd rather see a mountain lion. I really think I would. No, I don't agree with that. I can handle myself with a Mountain Lion. Handle yourself? What?

As two apex predators who respect each other. Who respect each other. A skunk is out here with chemical warfare. You're going to write in a joke a Mountain Lion will fucking eat you, dog? He's going to write in a joke. He's lion will fucking eat you, dog. What are you going to write in a joke? He's like, thank you. I won't eat you.

Yeah. I think the mountain lion and I will have a mutual respect for each other. Hey, man. Boy, I don't know about all that. I mean, I hope you never have to find out. I'll tell you that. May you never test this theory. You'll see.

You'll see me riding down fucking Colorado Boulevard on the back of a mountain line before you know it that's one way it could end king of Glendale they're pretty tiny king of Glendale we all come out to worship you

oh the king of Glendale's here bring me my Zanku chicken me on a mountain lion Followed by a parade of white BMWs Shiny white You're just gonna have that mountain lion Parked outside of the roost waiting for you Yes sir

So follow Mars on all the socials On all her adventures And you'll see her back here again Drafting something Yeah you're gonna come draft You already got that idea. Don't tell them. Don't give them the heat.

Oh, they already know. Oh, they do? It's life hacks is what I want to draft. So please save that for me. Oh, that would be hard for me. I don't know any life hacks. Me too. Me too.

Everything's very hard for me. Stand-up comedy, I guess. I'm not saying pics. I'm sorry. Ian showed me a killer one in Seattle. That one's still icy. I use that at every hotel I go to. hotel i go oh yeah wait what was that uh it's if you if you like every hotel just has phone chargers because people leave them so much and they just put them behind the desk so if you

forgot to bring yours don't go buy one just be like do you have any phone chargers back there they'll give you one you can take it with you because they just got dozens of them back there they want them gone. That's great. That's a good hack. That is a... Wisdom. Even if you got a charger, go ahead and do it. Just have a bunch of chargers.

Give one to someone who doesn't. Steal shit. But we are gathered here today not to draft life hacks, but... Draft. Draft. Not to fantasy draft life hacks,

but to draft things we'd do if the world was ending. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Okay. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David wins. He throws paper. Unnatural victory. It's an unnatural victory. A paper against two scissors. shoot. Oh, David wins.

He throws paper. Unnatural victory. It's an unnatural victory. A paper against two scissors. He's the odd man out. David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft.

And what is that? That's a great question. That's a great question. I was trying to get something around the time of this one, and I went back and listened, and maybe I'm ridiculous, but I didn't hear an example of it. So around this time, I think I did use an example, but it's like Lombard Street in San Francisco,

just the last time you were on, but it just goes down a little bit and then goes over to the right, then down a little bit, over to the left, down a little bit, over to the right, sort of like a snake. It's one of the better examples. But then you go back up. In Lombard Street? Like you over to the left down a little bit over to the right sort of like a snake it's one of the better examples but then you go back up and lombard like you get to the bottom for it to be a serpent you would have to and then you come back up the way you went down shit i was giving a bad example then and it's bad now you're right and then you jog and then you stop at the bottom and then you jog back up lombard street you get that cardio going dude get back up there get to the top look at the

real world house and you're like i want to get back down there and take a photo in front of that so you go back down lombard street lombard where everyone in san francisco hangs out yeah what a weird place to live that would be i mean of course you've gone but you look at it and you're like huh there's people driving down it like what a it's just like yeah it's like way out of the way it's so stupid i mean how many times a day must you just be like, if you live there? You know what I mean? Just like. People getting stuck, taking like Hummers down.

You're like, what are you? Just like a bus full of Dutch tourists hanging out in your front lawn. Yeah. I don't know this street at all. It's that like, it's a very windy, steep street in San Francisco. It's like one of their tourist destinations. A street? Just a windy street? It's a street. It's that like, it's a very windy, steep street in San Francisco. It's like one of their tourist destinations. A street? Just a windy street? It's a street. It looks like your wall.

Oh. It does. It's like that coiled up. It's okay. That's too much. I'm not going down that street. No, I'm more of a park guy myself. Yeah. Serpentine draft basically means if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick fourth in the first

round, you pick first in the second round. Now, David, with that in mind, what would the order of today's draft be? I'm going to go Ian, Nicole, David, Sean. Hot corner. Rare. Rare hot corner for your boy.

Gotta flip it sometimes. Dude, I'm in there like swimwear. I think i'm gonna get my pics marissa you good with that order no no change it what is like the timeline for the world ending is it ending in like 24 hours is it ending in a week that's what i was curious about as well um i think it could be based on picks, no? Yeah, I think it's not like a we know six months out kind of thing, but I feel like we give ourselves a 24-hour window.

It's just 24 hours. You can't find out earlier in the day. No, no. But these are like four different- I'm going to get caught for some of these if it's- Okay, hold on. Wait, it could be anywhere. I did mine if I had like- Nicole, this was your topic.

If I had like a week to live. Okay. If the world was ending in a week, that's how I did it. There had like this was your topic if I had like a week to live okay if the world was ending in a week that's how I did it there we go fantastic I think mine's about a month but yeah that's fine

okay ask and answer there we go there we go we'll let the draft we'll let the draft play out a week is fine I think you could do most of this stuff in a week now I'm like looking at it

I'm like I can't do all this in a week you might you know, maybe I could have mine done by tonight. Cocaine. Yeah. If I do a little cocaine, you get everything done.

You did like a lot of cocaine. Yeah, exactly. I've been doing like four. I also have ADHD. So maybe not. I don't know. Maybe not.

Does cocaine work different if you have ADHD? Does it just make you like very plastic and calm? Um, kind of like I've taken a lot how Adderall? Kind of. I've taken a lot of Adderall and a lot of Vyvanse, a lot of ADHD medicine, because I'll forget that I've taken it, and nothing's different.

It's just like, oh, maybe I'll complete an actual task faster than if I just take my normal dosage. And when I got diagnosed with ADHD, she was like, do you use drugs? And I was like, well, I do like cocaine. She was like, what do you use drugs? And I was like, well, I do like cocaine. She was like, what do you like about cocaine? I was like, well, you have a nice night. You talk to your friends. You maybe clean up your house a little and go to sleep.

And she's like, that's not how normal people do it. And I was like, oh. Okay. It turns you into a functional human being. More or less, yes. The rest of us are like coming up with high concept restaurants. Yeah. And I'm politely

nodding being like, I can't wait to go to sleep. I mean, talk to a bank first, but there you have it, Marissa. It's roughly within the span of a week and I have the first pick and we'll get to that first pick right after we take this short break. This episode of all fantasy.

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90 day bay and newcom newcomers with lauren lapkus got those are the only podcasts that exist and i'm happy that most of them are mine that's right and then i'll get it it's a it's a it's a power five it's a power five at this point uh oh yeah we are drafting things to do we would do if the world was ending. I have the first pick. Oh, yeah. I had a lot of... I didn't... Okay.

I would go to the zoo and free all of the animals. Fuck you. Yeah. For sure I was going to get that. Yeah. I didn't think anybody else would have done that I thought that was late I had some other version of that

that's the first thing I'm doing if there's a week left if there's a month left if there's a day left I don't care what it is now we live in a world where lions are out there is this where you and that mountain lion are finally gonna throw hands and see what time it is

that's where me and the mountain lion team up dude to take me on a giraffe. When was the last time you saw a giraffe, dude? Giraffes, I feel like are so docile and nice. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, they are exactly. That's why it's going to be the first target. You ever seen a giraffe get born? They fall straight to the ground. It's like 10, like eight feet.

Yeah, it's pretty nasty. Yeah. It's gnarly. What a way to get welcome to the world yeah yeah and then their mom's just like get up you're embarrassing me get up i know you're slimy but fucking walk it off it's a fucking hippo over there watch there's lions everywhere yeah i would free all the animals in the zoo and i'd come storming out on the back of a rhino and that's and that's how the end of the world would start wow it looked like you're gonna start the end of the world yeah well yeah that might be yeah i mean that's how it feels yeah minute one if they're like an asteroid's coming i'm like well that's not the only news story of

the day do you hear what he ended after he tried to cross the picket line? He went and opened the zoo. He went and freed all the animals. The one problem is I live in Los Angeles, which doesn't have a great zoo, so I would try to get down to San Diego to open that zoo up. I want everything rolling out. I want pandas, gorillas, giraffes. I want naked

mole rats. I just want armies of naked... Just skittering around. One favor, if you go to San Diego Zoo. Last time I was there, I saw some turtles having sex. If you see turtles having sex again, just film it and send it to me. And then just open the gate. Don't interrupt them.

It's the most romantic sex you're ever going to see. Also, shout out to the Denver Zoo. They listen. Do they really? How do you know? They hooked me up last time. I went to... I'm around. Dude, we had the Columbus Zoo offered to hook us up with a tour, too. The Columbus Zoo.

Chicago, maybe. And Chicago. Why are all these zoos reaching out to you guys? I don't know. We got a big sort of zoo base. Big zoo following? Okay. We have a big zoo.

I don't know if anybody listens who doesn't have something to do with the zoo, actually. That would be weird if somebody came up and they're like, hey, man, I'm not affiliated with any zoos or anything. I'd ask them to not listen anymore. I would politely ask them to stop listening to the podcast, frankly. I don't even know if I'd be polite, but sure. Yeah. You know.

But so if you're in Columbus, if you're in Chicago, if you're in Denver and you work at any of those zoos, you better pray to God. The world doesn't end while I'm in one of your cities because I'm going to be in there. I'm going to be in there and you're going to have a choice to make. Either trank me in the neck or let me do my business here on Earth. There's no animals you wouldn't let out out of spite. Now, is there? You'd let them all out. There's no animals that's wronged you back in the day and you just wouldn't be like.

That's a great question. That would be insane. Yeah, that would be fucked up. Yeah. That's that's ever since that eel thing happened it is i'm just checking i mean like i don't love ostrich i don't love ostriches i don't love their whole thing yeah why what did an ostrich do to you absolutely nothing it's just like a vibe thing i just see an ostrich and i'm like not you and i are connect, bro. I like them because they remind me of Big Bird just out in the wild. That's a good point. Because they're what?

Big birds. They're big ass birds. Yeah. I like ostrich. I don't like emu. I don't know who an emu is. It's like an ostrich-esque. It's like they make that noise.

I had a friend who had one in high school and it made that noise. It makes like. Let me stop traffic for a second you had a friend that had an emu do you say emu or emu i'm not sure okay you had a friend that had one in high school yeah and you'd be out there and you could hear it it was like it was like so scary in the dark why weren't you doing that when i was rapping earlier that would have kept it on beat next next rap living near an emu sounds like you have like a cocaine dealer neighbor That would have kept it on beat. Next rap. Living near an emu sounds like you have a cocaine dealer neighbor.

Not even as cool as you would think. Yeah. I don't know. I'd probably let the ostrich out, but they would be last. It's the end of the world. You've got to let everything out. You kind of have to. It's the end of the world.

Yeah. It's the end of the world. I want them to... For noble reasons, I want them to live out their lives out of have to. It's the end of the world. Yeah. It's the end of the world. I want them to, for two reasons, I mean, like for noble reasons, I want them to live out their lives, you know, out of these cages. But the other, I'm just like, let's throw that into the mix and see what happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show all these tough guys what time it really is.

I love, yeah. Yeah. I'm letting all the animals out of the zoo. Nicole, time for your first pick. Okay. It's kind of long. So it's sex with friends and others and being eaten out, hiring someone to marry me, and then pegging them. Yeah.

In one day? Or over the week? I don't know how long it would take, but I guess. You could get that done in an hour. No, you couldn't. I think I could probably get that done in like two days. Okay. The sex with friends might take longer.

But sex with others, others i think would be shorter i think everyone knowing the world's gonna end is gonna be a little more open to like yeah that's true i mean everyone you know it's ending for everyone well right it's like you don't you're not privy yeah so you don't have to worry about stds no i'm raw dogging the whole time not one bit yeah yeah nicole can you read that just one more time? Sex with friends and others and being eaten out, then hiring someone to marry me and then pegging them. So who is this? You're just going to hire a husband?

I think so. Or a wife? I mean, however you want to do it. Yeah, maybe I'll hire a wife and a husband. I don't know. Maybe I'll be open for the last week of my life. I don't know. Maybe I'll be open for the last week of my life. But I figured if it came down to it, I could find like a sex worker and then hire them. But then I guess money doesn't matter. I don't know. Maybe I could find someone for free. I don't know. I haven't really thought. I'm sure you could find someone willing to get pegged. yeah that's why i was wondering is the hiring someone to marry you like is there is there something about that transactional relationship that appeals to you rather than just being like

hey let's get married well if i'm hiring them i feel like there's less likely of them being like let me think about it or like no i don't really want to it's like well you're gonna get some money to spend before the world ends yeah that's true yeah there's gonna be people who think the world's not actually ending. You know what I mean? Oh, I think there's going to be a bunch. Yeah. I'd be one of them.

I'd be one of the, till the end, till I saw the comet in the air, I'd be like, no. Really? It'd be taking like 60 grand to get pegged for sure. It'd weigh less than 60 racks. If it were like right now, all I would need is clearance from my wife and then we're we're not talking a ton what's the sum of money wow yeah how much do you get paid sean can you get a rack what do you get can you get in there for a rack the thing i would want to know is if it hurts if it hurts you just gotta figure it out people do it every day it might hurt but also i would go

gentle i will go slow we don't know the size that she's going you can pick it out what size are we talking here 10 grand I think there's a reason it's a thing Because it obviously feels good at some point 10 grand we'll say And first I cannot stress this enough Approval from my wife That's very kind

That's very nice What size Peg What size dildo What size dildo yeah it's a dildo penis yeah what size strap on are you are you are you shooting here for me yeah i mean i think i think it would be a conversation i think i would go get a bunch and then be like which one looks more appealing to you great right right because i don't want to scare them away absolutely not i'd be like that one that's got all the emojis on it that one looks cool let's do that

all over print emoji dildo i think pegging is like a situation where it's like also the more nervous you are about it the more it is going to hurt so you'd really have to like you lube it up how long is how long do you? I think you peg for as long as the person wants it. And I think the goal might be to come maybe a little bit. That's right. I just love watching you mull it over, Sean. You're very open. Wait, Nicole, do you know this?

Are there contraptions that allow a woman to come from pegging? Like, is there some sort of instrument that kind of connects to the woman's body to like give her pleasure too? Yeah. Oh, I'm a hundred percent sure you could just stick a vibrator inside you while you're pegging or use a vibrator on yourself. I've seen some compelling footage that would lead me to believe that's true. I, without going too far and i i know you do want to go pretty far and i've i've heard that it can happen with nothing except uh the penetration like you can get there with no vibrator or anything it's just the penetration can get a woman to achieve for women for a man you mean i've heard i've heard for i've talked to a couple women that have said that like just penetration alone can get them there from giving penetration

or receiving penetration oh give now i sound like an absolute she's gonna penetrate you right no i'm yes so yes no now everyone's like well of course you can have an orgasm from anal sex so i apologize for sounding like a teacher for a second when everybody knew what i was saying i wasn't thinking about the giver i was thinking about the receiver i'll just sit back for a minute i have food poisoning fantastic uh so this you're negotiating with friends saying look the world's ending let's do it a friend's list um i i would make make a friends list i mean i have a top five situation i have like two friends in mind that i'm like the world's ending i'd like to see what

you could do yeah i could probably yeah probably five it's like a respect thing almost even it's like i believe you could handle yourself in that arena yeah and i'm curious in the world's ending so like why not yeah am i right Am I right? Am I right? Let's just find out together. Let's just find out together. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's a fantastic pick.

David Borey, time for your first pick. This is weird. I mean, this is truly the stuff that came to my head. So, you know, there's a fireworks. Yeah, dude. There's a fireworks depot on the border of Colorado and Wyoming. It's like four acres in there. It's giant.

I want to set that on fire. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Yes. How are you starting? And I've always wondered this when people just set something ablaze. Like, where are you starting?

You dousing the whole thing with kerosene? Traditional arson means, I think, just a gas can and some matches second track on crip skittles right there yeah i don't think i need anything crazy maybe i do like the cigarette in the pack of matches is like a time delay because i probably i just don't know what i've always i've been wanting to i've been wanting to set that thing on fire since i was 14 probably i'm always yeah yeah it would just i think it would be or it would be very lackluster but the world's ending all i'm what are you gonna put me in jail for two days like i think it would be exciting i think so that's a fun thing to set on fire because it'd just be like a ton of fireworks and explosions yeah it'd be amazing

yeah that'd be pretty wild i I would come. Thank you. I would definitely be there. If you sent me an e-vite, I would come. I would RSVP, yes. And we'd obviously, we'd grill out. You know what I mean? It'd be a day. Yeah, that's nice.

I'd be sitting there on the back of a rhino watching the fireworks display go off. You could keep me out of that. But yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd just be sitting there throwing my 10 grand in there. Like, yeah. Walking a little funny now i'd be saying i'd be close to the fire it'd be fun because whatever yeah but yeah so yeah set that fireworks depot on fire man i think it'd be i think about it every time i pass it

don't they do that lord of the rings don't they like when they're having a big celebration two of the hobbits again and like set off the entire yeah but those are like that's like that's like that's not this is like in a warehouse yeah this is wyoming grade you know what i mean that's in the shire those are legal how big of a warehouse is it it's fucking huge man it's fucking like costco size it's one of the morton buildings it's crazy that would be fun it's cool that's what i'm saying and they got they got it all in there they got it all in there would you clear it out first and make sure nobody was working or would you let them burn i don't want to kill anybody okay good i don't want to kill anybody. Okay, good. I don't want to kill anybody. That makes me happy.

But yeah. But I am not worried about what catches on fire afterwards. I'm not worried about anything nearby. That's how it goes. What song is playing when it first starts happening? Because you know you're going to have to do a playlist. Yeah. Well, we are having a barbecue. What was the song that was playing when Angela Bassett

set the clothes on fire and waiting to exhale? Ian and Sean, you guys would know. I'd know more than Ian. Let me check Wikibassett. You threw me under the bus there. I'd know more than Ian. We both equally don't know.

We both know not at all. Actually, I would rather something upbeat, though. Maybe Real Love by Mary J. Blige. That's pretty good. I think that would be a good soundtrack to that. I also don't know how long it would take. A while, I bet. Yeah, probably.

I don't know. It'd be like Pop and Popcorn. You know, like you'd get little ancillary burns here and there. I feel like it would be quick. It would be a lot of like, and then be done. And so many different colors. Yeah.

It would be fun. I would be worried about them going horizontally and maybe killing us. That's what I would worry about, too. But, you know, the world's ending. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's no song playing. There's no song playing when she does that?

No. Why is there a song playing in my head? That's just the power of Angela Bassett. Probably like TikToks and shit you've seen. Oh, yeah. I guess I haven't seen that movie in a few years. It's a good one. Hold on. I'm watching. That's just the power of Angela Bassett. Probably like TikToks and shit you've seen. Okay. I guess I haven't seen that movie in a few years. It's a good one. Hold on, I'm watching.

You're watching that scene from Waiting to Exhale, right? Yeah. Unless they had to remove it for rights purposes on this YouTube clip, which might be the case. I think that they might be partially playing Knock playing knock on cry by mary j blige because that's like the uh that was the main song off the soundtrack either way i want to set a fireworks uh store on fire yeah i love it it's a fantastic pick sean jordan time for your first and your second picks as it is a serpentine draft well i don't know how specific i have to get but

i would try heroin and i would just try every other drug I've never done. That's pretty specific. Well, I mean, I was going to say every drug I haven't done because I haven't done like, I've done all the nasty drugs, but I've never done shrooms. I've never done acid or like, well, that's a nasty drug too, I think. Wait, what are the nasty drugs?

Viagra. Like meth. I did meth. I did crack one time. Like just the ones that, meth more that's like dirty, you know, where you're like, oh, gross. Yeah oh meth isn't great. Get that over shrooms one day but yeah I would just

you know if I'm being honest that's the very first thing I thought of like I'd try heroin and then I would try probably whatever time allowed you know depending on what that did to me I might want to try I would definitely try mushrooms and then you know acid maybe I love that heroin was stopped but i mean that's what i would do and then mushrooms and

then maybe well because that's the gnarliest one that's it's just because you hear so much about it i know it's so bad and such a terrible thing but you hear when people describe it you're like well yeah i mean i want it i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to know what that feels like yeah so nobody says it feels bad no yeah not one single person yeah no one's ever like i hate the way it feels whatever yeah people are like it feels like a thousand orgasms on your body and you're like oh yucky all at once i don know. Just the one's fine. Yeah. It sucks. I sold my car and my house for it. It's fucking terrible. I gave it my whole family and I hate it so much.

I married a stranger and got pegged because of it. I would encourage you to try, not heroin, but mushrooms at least. You know, I was talking about it the other night. I don't like, were we talking about it? I think maybe in LA.

I was talking to Laura about it too, but I might. I just think it would freak me out. I'm too old. I don't know. But we'll see. I might. Mushrooms? Just microdose.

Just do a little bit. Yeah. Just do a little bit. Yeah. That's what people say. Like half a little bit yeah just a little bit yeah like a half a cap and then just have a teehee and like smile at people yeah like it just makes stuff a little brighter and everything yeah you don't have to go crazy you don't do like trip yeah have yourself a silly little giggle day i think i will one of these days i think we'll take a trip at

some point and like yeah i'll one of the days i'll dedicate to that. No time soon, but or soon. Do it right now. Right now. Leave right now and go get mushrooms. It's Oregon. You could probably find them at 7-Eleven. I could get mushrooms to your house in 45 minutes. Yeah.

I think it would take longer to get food there. I was watching the news the other day. You know, mushrooms are every drug is legal in Portland. They have stores that sell every single. They're all legal here. I saw it on the news. of them wait i'm kidding even the nasty ones it was on fox where's the excuse me sir where's the nasty drug store you can get crocodile there where's your nasty section i'm trying to get loose trying to get tight

real tight yeah i'm trying to screw it. Trying to get tight? Trying to get real tight. Yeah, I'm trying to screw it on and take it off. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. It's not right that you've smoked crack and done meth, and then you haven't done the pleasant drugs. You know what I mean?

It's just the wrong way to do it. It sucks. It's funny when you say smoked crack. Someone told me that's what it was. So I'm just going off of that. Did you feel cracky? I don't know. What do you mean? It was way before I'd ever seen

cocaine or anything. Was it a crack pipe? And there was a rock in it? And did it have a very distinct smell? So does meth. So you don't know if it's meth or crack. I don't know which was... I know for sure that I did meth,

but I don't know for sure if the other one was crack. I'm pretty sure you smoked crack, man. It'd be a very weird thing to lie about. Yeah. It would be, so I think so. I told him it was crack and it was actually meth. God is that. You fucking idiot.

Fucking dumbass. Like and subscribe everybody to my fucking prank channel second pick oh yes i would throw a grenade into a sewer i think it sounds dope i would just find like an open manhole or like a you know one of those tunnels and just whip a grenade into it you know what i mean yeah a grenade into it. You know what I mean? Yeah. That sounds like, yeah, I do know what you mean. Okay.

Listen, the compulsion to destroy, I understand. We're getting a timeline going for stuff I could do today. Yeah. Well, where are you getting a grenade? Oh, I don't know, man. I guess at the mushroom store. You could probably get a grenade off the Silk Road, I bet. I think if you just go to the South, you could probably get a grenade at a gun show or something.

Yeah, I think so. I think so for sure. There it is, a gun show. I'm sure they have missiles. Don't they have missiles and shit? Missiles with no missile launcher? Can't you get a missile warhead or whatever? I don't mean to.

I'm not saying. This is a great pick. I mean, getting a grenade. I don't mean to pick it apart on that way. I just mean in three hours, I don't think you is a great pick. I mean, like getting a grenade. Fantastic. I don't mean to pick it apart on that way. I just mean like in, I know it's like in three hours, but I think you could get a grenade. Yeah.

You might have a grenade for all I know. You don't play close to the vest. I wonder if like, if right now someone's like, I'll give you a billion dollars to the first one of you who can have a grenade in your hands. It'd be interesting to like, go try to get one.

If they said it to like the it to the five of us, they'd put that challenge. Like right now, we got to all go get a grenade. Drop the mic. First person to be holding a live grenade gets a billion dollars. I would lose. I have no idea where to start.

I would just give up. I'd be like, okay. I have a couple of people. I know who I would call. Yeah, I think David would be able to get that grenade first. Close enough to grenade country. Yeah, I think David would be able to get that grenade first. David's close enough to grenade country. Yeah, he's in Colorado. Well, I think Denver is easier to get a grenade than Portland.

I think. I don't know the metric. I don't understand. I don't know. Maybe. I think the outskirts of Portland, I think outside of Portland, have a grenade. Oh, yeah. You're in a very grenade-y area.. You're in a very grenady area.

You're already in a grenady area, Sean, where your house is. Grenade in a haystack, though. Where am I supposed to go? I don't know where to just go knock on doors. You could. Yeah. I'll give you $500 million. I'll split it with you.

I'll give you $500 million. That's a good tactic, actually. I will marry you and let you beg me. That's how you end up dead with no money, dude. marry you and let you peg me that's how you end up dead with no money dude somebody who's getting you a grenade for 500 million dollars is not letting you keep the fight your half you know what i mean sure i don't need my half i just want the grenade and a sewer all right that's all there you go and what you're what are you hoping for now here like you toss it in i don't know man the picture of the perfect outcome for you i want to see the ground like 30 feet in front of me like bulge up is what i want to see like like

ground going you want to see like a poop geyser no no i want to see the ground like flex like like that like there's a big explosion under the street you don't want a poop geyser no i don't want a poop geyser you might get a poop geyser from that moldy bread you're telling me but no this is a grenade in the sewer my friend friend. All right. I get it. I think that sounds like fun. Yeah, it's a great time. It is a great time. I'm just saying.

Just bring a poncho because there's going to be a poop gas. You want me to bring a drug rug, bro? I'll bring a drug rug. Yeah, absolutely. David, time for your second pick. Oh, I want to liquidate all my acids and throw the best barbecue in the world. Yeah. That's cute.

That may be of all time. That's nice. Yeah. I think it would be very nice. Like everything. I'd throw it in City Park probably. Hide and go seek tournaments. Hide and go get it at tournaments for the adults.

Free alcohol. What's a hide and go get? Hide and go what? Hide and go get it? You know, it's like hide and go seek but freaky. You never heard about that? No. No. What's hide and go get it? Oh, yeah it's like hide and go seek but freaky you never heard about no what's hide and go get it if you find someone you fuck them or make out or whatever yeah you never know oh i know that i know my man sean's heard of it i mean we after

the back in the day song when he started like he says gotta go freaks play hide and go get it and we're like what is that and so we started figuring it out yeah yeah yeah yeah but like a hide and go yeah so hide and go seek for the kids hide and go get it played hide and go both of you played hide and go get it nah i don't know if i played it played it no i wasn't that cool definitely heard kids on the bus talk about parties where they yeah we know what kind of food are you serving yeah so that's what i'm thinking is it's like i can get you some ostrich meat that's what i'm thinking i think it's like i want one station for all carnival food so like dip your own dog corn dogs with the costco hot dogs funnel cakes and shit like that but then we have a met because i'm liquidating all my assets. I got no – I'm going out with nothing.

Maybe we have a Mediterranean station over here. Some type of gym. That's a big park. City park is fucking huge. That's why I think it would work. And then we have a concert in the middle. We're having motorized boat races on the lake. It's going crazy.

We're having those balls that people get in those big ass balls oh yeah we get a bunch of those we have a silent disco and a loud disco big boxing gloves big big oversized boxing gloves it's gonna be like that fucking movie blank check in that bitch it's gonna be amazing pugil sticks do you have pugil sticks we're gonna have all the shit all the american gladiator shit all the shit in the park it's going down are you gonna have ribs yeah of course yeah 100 yeah no definitely definitely which which city which city style you know what i mean we'll have all the sauces i feel like everything that's nice yeah even some gold we'll have some cold barbecue sauce the world is ending guys yeah i'm gonna have a barber there just just lining dudes up okay just lining dudes up you know

like the whole shit it'd be a fun time to get a nutty haircut yeah i'm gonna have 10 african ladies braiding hair it's gonna be crazy yeah and then yeah after dark then it becomes for the adults and then it's like uh anything that's a lot of that like, yeah, yeah, all right. Yeah, hide and go get it. This is a perfect party for me. I like hide and go get it. I do want to get my hair braided for the end of the world. And I love ribs.

Exactly. I can't think of anything more fun. Can't miss. Can't miss. It's going to be incredible. What's your favorite kind of rib, Nicole? I do. I think they're like Memphis style.

I don't know. They're like big slabby ribs and they're like dry rub. And then you can put sauce on it. But I love a dry rub. I love a dry rub too. So good. I'll dip into the barbecue sauce, but I love just the taste of dry rub. Just like a well-made.

Because then the meat has to speak for itself. Yes. And then when it falls off the bone, I love ribs. I made ribs two weeks ago when Sean was here. Oh, that's nice. All that. I'm talking the ribs that are made in those

like, the oil barrel grill. Yes. You know what I'm talking about? That's nice. And then the whole park's gonna smell like that. Ribs where it looks like Captain Planet would try to shut you down, like that kind of situation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's nice. And then the whole park's going to smell like that. Ribs where it looks like Captain Planet would try to shut you down, like that kind of situation. Oh, man. And then there's going to be like a bunch of beds. Because if you eat a bunch of ribs, you're not going to want to go straight from ribs to hide and go get it.

So maybe you nap it up for a little bit. Ideally, it would be a hide and go get it into a rib situation. Yeah. That'd be nice. Maybe your hide and go get it involves ribs. Who knows? Mine would. Yeah. That'd be nice. Maybe you're hiding go get it. Maybe you're hiding go get it involves ribs. Who knows?

Mine would involve ribs. That's great. Yeah, I love that. I love that. I love that. Ribs. But yeah, giant barbecue.

I said ribs for my pleasure. I just wanted to get that clear. Oh, yeah. Ribs. For my pleasure. Marissa, go ahead and put air horns around that.

It's your last act as an all-fans everything producer. Nicole, time for your second pick. Okay. I don't know if I could do this in a week and be fully healed, but I said get a BBL and get my titties done. Are you going to the DR or are you doing it here? Well, I figured I would just do it here since it's the end of the world. But maybe I would go on like a nice little vacation in the DR, like Turkey or something. But like, yeah, I want like huge titties and like a huge fucking fat ass.

Yeah, I get that. What is BVL? Brazilian butt lift. Let's get a big old booty. Okay, word. All right. Yeah, that's... You can heal.

What do they do? Where does it come... Are they taking fat from elsewhere and moving it around? No one knows. Yeah. David, no one knows. It's a mystery. The doctors don't even know.

It's some kind of secret old magic. Take fat from other parts of your body and put it in your butt. Oh, man. That seems, yeah. Why not? Yeah. I wouldn't mind that. I still got this weird gut that I just can't burn this fat.

I would love if that ended up on my butt. So go get a BBL. I might go guts for butts. I think you should get a BBL. If you got a BBL, that would be insane. Yeah. That would be the best. Because you you should get a BBL. If you got a BBL, that would be insane. That would be the best. Because you don't have to go huge.

My friend, a male friend got a BBL. He didn't go huge. He just wanted like a little juicy. Yeah. So it's like a little handful back there. It looks great. So you could get a very subtle BBL. I'm not getting a subtle BBL. Get an IBL. You're going across the pond. Everybody thinks he's going to Italy.

He's going to the D.R. You don't want an Italian butt lift. Get an Italian butt lift. An Italian butt lift. That's how the war started. Yeah, that's how they got Al Capone, man. They just make your butthole look like a chef's kiss emoji? Manja.

Yeah, Brazilian butt lift. i'm all for it i'm all for it i think i think everyone should get work done if they want to get work done i love hair plugs i love that i love when like someone doesn't have hair and then all of a sudden they have a full head of hair and i'm like oh look at you yep fantastic i Fantastic. I love it. We see Joel McHale. It's thick up there now. I like that. Yeah. If the world's ending, who doesn't want to look like Jalen Rose? Yeah.

Yeah. Piven is a full plug, dude. Yeah. And he keeps getting new ones and they keep getting better and better turning that the the the fucking laugh factory sends those checks right to his hair plug guy he doesn't cut out the middleman that's what he's doing it for is to pay off that debt they cut out the middleman completely have you seen those planes full of like like apparently turkey is where is turkey yeah like the planes are filled with like men's with

their men's men with their heads wrapped and then ladies who can't sit down and i fucking love it there's a lot of women walking up and down the aisles yes it's incredible i think it's so fucking funny i kind of want to just go not get anything done just to observe yeah just to see it yeah yeah just to see people's dreams coming true left and right. It's gotta be a good environment to be in. Yeah. I just want to be there when they unwrap that ass for the first time. Oh yeah.

Like, cause it's like wrapped up, right? Yeah. Yeah. Then they have to have like an unveiling. That's what I want to be there for. Oh yeah.

I'd pass out champagne flutes and everything. I love it. Like a curtain that would open. A little reveal party. Cause I want it to like, I want it to be like, I want it to be like, yeah, like a tube of biscuits. And make that noise, like, boing. And then it just spills out, and it's like, look at what I have. Yeah, some guy across the street is like, damn.

Like everybody just knows. Yeah, like the Christmas tree tree in national lampoon's christmas vacation it's just like all the windows break i think we're gonna make this happen i think we're gonna make this happen i think that's a great pick uh hell yeah all right time for my second and my third picks okay my second pick steal a ferrari and drive it off the santa monica pier into the ocean. Okay. That's fun. I've always wondered what happens when you go into the water in a car.

This is a local one. This is a local one. You know what I mean? This could be, hey, the world's ending in three hours, and then I'm darting down. There's got to be in Glendale a place to buy a Ferrari. Three hours? I don't know about all that. I think if it's done in three hours, you could be. Yeah, I think you could. There'd be a of yeah traffic if the world's end of me but yeah

yeah you think he's obeying traffic laws the only one with ideas i'm just saying i'm fine i'm driving through lights i'm fucking speeding motherfucking cops can't touch me don't worry about me i might go over griffith park dude don't don't worry about me i might steal a fucking like a four-wheel drive vehicle, get to Santa Monica, and steal the Ferrari there. There we go. For time-wise, it's probably the best. Absolutely. I've got the best minds working on this right

now. I will say this. The best, my top minds. Driving a car with doors into the ocean, are you going to die, or do you think you're going to escape? Those bad boys are open when I'm going off the pier. Okay. That was going to die or do you think you're going to escape? Those bad boys are open when I'm going off the beer. Okay. Okay.

That was going to be my suggestion to open, open them doors or do a less expensive car, get a Jeep and take the doors off. There you go. Yeah. Get yourself a rag top Jeep. I could chainsaw the doors off the Ferrari. I don't know why I'm like,

there's rules. You drive with doors closed. You can do that through Instagram. No, I, but if anyone's thinking of doing this with the world not ending, it is good to get, to just sort of think this out, you know? I might take the windshield off and just go, you know? Yeah, okay. That's smart.

Land on a dolphin. Yes. Dolphin takes me back to the shore. No windshield. How fast can you go? Isn't the wind going to be in your face? Sunglasses. Oakleys. Oh, okay. Oakley thumbs.

With the headphones built in? Well, here's what I know for sure. Nobody's going to be on the Santa Monica boardwalk if the world's ending. No one's like, let's check out that trapeze school finally. I'll have a clear runway. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody fishing. fishing no i'm going i'm taking off man i'm playing i'm playing sister christian loud as i can motoring but i'm just

going off i don't think i know who's sister christianson uh that song sister christian it's it's like you know your time has come. People know it as motor and like, Motor Ram, what's your price for flight? I don't think I've ever heard it. From Boogie Nights where he was doing all that blow? I've never seen Boogie Nights. Oh, you would like it. Yeah, I think so.

I think you'd really like it. Okay. All right. I'll watch it. That's a fun one. Yeah. Maybe I'll watch it today. Don't wear your seatbelt.

Don't wear your seatbelt when you watch Boogie Nights. I'll keep it unbelted. It's a fun one. Don't wear your seatbelt. I'll keep it unbelted. It's not his real penis. Okay. Come on. Good to know. It might be. Who's real penis?

Mark Wahlberg. He's in it. He is it. This show is bad dude at the end. Then I'll unsubscribe. I'll's in it. He is it. This show is bad dude at the end. Then I'll unsubscribe. I'll never watch it. It's the only... Well, I can't really say this and mean it. But if someone finds Mark

Wahlberg an objectionable person for sure, but a presence on the screen, this is the one movie where you might be like, alright. Because he's playing a fucking dumb fuck. So it's not really acting. sure but a presence on the screen this is the one movie where you might be like all right because he's playing a fucking dumb fuck so it's not really acting no it's not really acting well the hog is acting okay yeah the hog is doing some heavy lifting playing an absolute dumb shit with a big old donger okay maybe yeah you're back on board. Maybe I'll watch it. He doesn't do it for me.

But it's a real ensemble cast and everybody else is just like. Yeah, Cheadle's in it. Heather Graham's in it. Okay. Yeah, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Philip Seymour Hoffman. John C. Reilly. Oh.

Okay. Yeah. It's good. It's good. These are some good people. It's about porn. Oh. Yeah.

And like great real estate. Great real estate great like la real estate burt reynolds guzman yeah okay i mean now i'm getting this sounds like fun reynolds yeah it's a good time it's a good time yeah have yourself have yourself an evening get some ribs and sit down it's tough if uh it like if you have a big disdain for marky mark like yes of course you get that yeah i think that like it's one of those things. Like Ian was saying, if you had to pick something, it'd be the one thing where you're like, alright, everybody else helps out a bunch. I don't know. Sorry for being a shitty person.

His delivery is wild. Just the way he talks. It's real weird. He's always trying to guess with some breath. It's like, I don't know, dude. Just breathe. I think it's funny that his brow is always furrowed. Yeah, I think he probably needs glasses. He's just too proud.

Time for my third pick. Oof. This is a very obtainable one. That's okay. I'm going to go to a pizza hut, steal a bunch of the ingredients, a brick and mortar pizza hut, steal a bunch of the stuff, go to a Taco Bell with a duffel bag full of the stuff that I stole from the pizza hut. And I'm going to kind of run my own pop-up restaurant for probably about six to eight hours. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Just doing fucking, you know what? And I might even, you know what? Let me amend that right now.

I'm also swinging through a Panda express on the way. Okay. I mean, the good thing is two of those are in the same building. Yeah. They can be, they can have a lot of combination taco hut, pizza huts. What did I say? a lot of combination taco hut pizza huts

what did i say taco hut taco bell pizza huts taco hut pizza yeah but they do but they never get busy with the menus the way i want them to they never there's not a lot of cross-pollination there's still a very strict separation of church and state make one fucking thing you want a pepperoni and sausage chalupa i see you yes i do yes i mean just do the one what would i put together it's fun maybe a crunch wrap supreme with some like pepperoni i don't know like a personal pizza in a crunch wrap supreme in a crunch that sounds good with some baja sauce on it you could take the mexican pizza and put actual pizza toppings on it yeah you could finally have the fucking orange chicken burrito that panda express has teased sample markets with and never made available shocking to the

fucking general public and now you could put volcano sauce on it again because it's back volcano sauce is back fucking they did it to him. So I'm doing that. And this is me giving back to the community. This is me saying, yeah, you're helping everybody. You're working a little bit. I'm making dreams come true for everybody. That's nice. I like that.

Word will spread. You know what they're doing over at that Taco Bell over on Colorado? What are they doing? That guy that stole that Ferrari is over there making pizza. Dude, it's crazy. He's fucking soaking wet and he's making orange chicken pizza. What are they doing? That guy that stole that Ferrari is over there making pizza-ritos, dude. It's crazy. He's fucking soaking wet, and he's making orange chicken pizza-ritos. Nicole, time for your third pick.

I would like to rob every store on Rodeo Drive. Yes. Every store. The cash in the register, all of the bags, everything. All of the clothes. I'll get two at a time and sew them together so they finally fit me um yeah that's what i want i want like chanels louis vuitton gucci yes yeah even like the random stores that you're like who like yeah

just weird weird italian names you're like this is a three thousand dollar t-shirt yeah i'm not rich enough to know about like yeah but take over netta yeah that stuff makes me feel like such a dork or i'm like i don't know i guess it should be neither of us would add the balls to go to the gucci store i do we were at the mall like just go in there just go in there and sean's like i have mesh shorts on mall like, just go in there. Just go in there. And Sean's like, I have mesh shorts on. I did. We did go in. And you remember, old boy came right up to us. He came up.

He's like, is there something I can help you? And I think David was the confident one who was like, no, we're just looking. But then we're like, all right, let's dip. I think we just wanted to see how much the slides were. That was the goal. We wanted to look at the slides. They're like $500 fucking dollars. They're crazy.

We didn't have money. I didn't have enough money well I had technically enough money to buy coffee but like I didn't you know so we were just walking around the mall to do something not even go get coffee just to do something and yeah we went into the Gucci store you know what the thing about those slides is too

they're just slides yeah they're just slides they're like Adidas ones they're normal slides I'd buy the Adidas ones. They're normal slides. I'd buy the shit out of some fake ones, though. Oh, yeah. Totally. I'm all for all bootlegs, personally. Some Scoochie slides?

Prove it. Scoochie. Prove it. Scoochie right on behalf of the Gucci store to the cheaper ones. Prove it. Have about $485 left over. You know what's like one of those luxury brands where you're like, is this a luxury brand like bruno cuccinelli are you like that's go in there that's it's real bruno cuccinelli he exactly he is a pimp and he's from southwest detroit bruno cuccinelli dude it was founded in 1978 look up bruno cuccinelli that was was Ian at the Late Late Show after party. Cuccinelli can't be a real name.

Bruno Cuccinelli, dude. Don't do that to me. He's out here. Bruno Cuccinelli. You can find him at the Crystals. That sounds like Fonzie's cousin who showed up to be a little bit cooler. I think it's Brunello Cuccinelli. Oh, it is Brunello Cuccinelli.

How funny. Cuccinelli. No, Cuccinelli. It is Cuccinelli. Brunello Cuccinelli. Brunello Cuccinelli. God damn. They have a thousand dollar fucking vest.

Yeah. This is wild. I'm not even paying for a vest. First of all, I hate him. No. You're not paying for a vest. That jacket better come with like fucking $9,000 sewn into the pocket. I'm not giving you no cash for a vest.

Now I got to be a fat guy in a vest out here. No, sir. They love it. Oh, my God. this blazer is four thousand dollars this is wild suede bomber nine thousand two hundred ninety five a baseball cap 850 there's not even a logo on it no this is real wealth where you don't need a logo but you spend spend $800 on a fucking hat. Yeah. It's fucking insane because that's the same amount of money as like $30 to you. They have a backgammon set for $8,000.

Whom? Wild. For who? For who? How many Saudi princes are there? Who's buying that backgammon set? I bet you a lot of times people that are buying that stuff don't even know what it costs they just know it's that the store where they buy the stuff and they're like all right this is where i get it i have no idea how much

it costs they're like michael jackson at that antique store you ever seen that video no no oh there's a video of michael jackson at this like the highest scale antique store. And it's just him. That, that. Oh, yes. I have seen it. That, that, that, that, that. It's a Martin Furnitelli interview.

No, Martin Shabor, Martin Bordini. Whatever that guy is. What's his name? What is his name? I heard Martin Shaboy. Bashir. Bashir. Martin Bashir. I was pretty close. Martin Shaboy Bashir Bashir Martin Bashir I was pretty close

Martin Shaboy Yeah I was close Man I'd hang out With Martin Shaboy I'd spend my whole I'd act like I had that money Absolutely Yeah

That's not every cent That I have I definitely wanted This hit pack Yeah Stealing all that shit From a dad drive It's an excellent pick

Thank you It's an excellent pick I finally walked around i was there i was in beverly hills in september i was in a hotel in beverly hills and i walked down rodeo drive for the first time in my life it's weird just be like this is it this is rodeo drive i bought a wallet over there it felt weird being there it is a weird place oh like strangely so clean it's much better than like any other street in la yeah for sure it's like pretty wild it's evil clean it's cleaner than hospital you look at there's like no dust in the crevices at an outdoor restaurant i don't know it's just wild you're like all right it's like it's like touristy too in a way like it's weird like there's definitely people they're just like hoping they see a famous person well that's what you want to ask like who's faking which one who's got who doesn't know

how much that salad cost and who's bummed it cost 40 bucks yeah i got my i've talked about this on the pod before cordon took me to gucci to get my wedding suit i got a gucci wedding suit it was great oh and but it was like i got it was fantastic It was fantastic. Big dragon on the back. Big dragon on the back. Big Ben Affleck back tattoo on the back. But I was in there. I saw, like, I was, while I was waiting for them to pack up my suit, after I got the, whatever, the adjustments, whatever it's called. I don't know. I saw, like, there was a mom and a kid. And, like, they didn't look like they had be a Gucci money.

But, like, the mom was, like, doing, like, a gucci money but like the mom was like do it like doing like a special treat for the kid and he was getting these like gucci sneakers that's a special treat nine hundred dollars and i was just like oh she's good ah don't yeah they're just sneakers they're truly just there's like nothing special about them they're just sneakers. They're truly just sneakers. There's like nothing special about them. They're just sneakers. Some of them are worse looking sneakers. Yeah, some of them are very ugly, but they're very expensive. Yeah, they're very Gucci. They're just fucking loud Gucci.

David, time for your third pick. I want to take like a brain melting amount of mushrooms, like like an ounce and then go to the symphony oh let's see i think the symphony is still going like the titanic there there's some people getting the symphony till the end the last week you'd be there i've always like it's your craft i went to the symphony for the first time like a month or two ago and it was uh insane and that was with no acid so or no mushrooms so i think we're really blow like it's like something i don't think i would come back from yeah they're doing um chronic 2001 at the symphony here and um like no question pretty sure i'm good it's just finding someone to go along i'll go by myself

but it's all right i'll do it i'm gonna get the tickets. It's just finding someone to go with me. I'll go by myself, I guess. But it's. All right. I'll do it. I'm going to get the tickets after this. You'll find someone to go with you. And get some acid. Yeah. Laura?

Ja will provide. Ja will provide the acid. No, that'd be. So here's another mushroom question. Do you hit terminal velocity with, you know, like if if you do a pound is it any different than 10 pounds other than making your stomach i wouldn't play that kind of a game i wouldn't play that that's what you just said is great i i i don't know i've never gone that far in to know no me either you can with weed right you can get you hit a you hit a point where

it doesn't matter you just kind of high as you can get right okay can mushrooms you can't like dot like aside from like stomach poisoning or i guess or whatever but you couldn't like die from taking too many mushrooms or anything right so i think you would just throw up yeah i think you can blow your brain up a little bit though oh yeah maybe can you be different afterwards like where it's lasting effects? But maybe that's like prolonged. And acid especially is like that because it gets in your spine, I guess. Yeah. The thing about this stuff is it's illegal and they haven't really studied it the way they studied like, you know, sugar or whatever. God.

I just, it's crazy. We were just talking about it last night. But alcohol, you could just drink as much as you want. I never have been cut off one time for real in my life one time for real it should have been probably hundreds and you're just like i don't think i've ever been cut off one time i did in portland and the guy grabbed my beer and he didn't even kick me out and then i went i put a hat on and i go back up to the bar and i was like i gotta be brilliant i was looking down i could barely talk and he goes you cannot you can go sit with your friends i and I was like, I got to pee. Brilliant. I was looking down. I could barely talk. And he goes, you cannot.

You can go sit with your friends. I was like, all right, cool. I got cut off at a karaoke bar once. That's a. Oh, no. That's a wide awakening moment. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer.

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picks. Oh, it's me. I would... your third and fourth uh picks oh it's me um i would this is i could again i could do this i probably wouldn't even get in that much trouble i've always wanted to do this i would go into the grocery store produce section and i would see how far i could throw all the different kinds of fruit every time i'm in there i always pick up an apple and i laura gets sick of it but i'm like you think i could get this to the dairy like if if I just whip it over all the ice, I've always wanted to try it. And like a watermelon, all of it, cantaloupe, tiny little orange, nectarines. Here's what I think you should do for your next birthday is go to a grocery store and find out who would have to clean that up.

Just like ask around, be the clerks, just be like, okay, okay, if there's a spill, who cleans it up? Find that out. Give that person $300, $400. Walk over to that produce section and just fucking go off. I think you can do this. There's people. There's stuff it would hit. What if I hit all the jelly and it just...

What if you hit all the jelly is the funniest thing. But you're just concerned all the jelly breaks all over the aisle. What if you hit all the jelly is the funniest thing? But you're just concerned about the jelly. Also, that's my fourth pick is hit all the jelly. That was the color I took out. Yeah, I thought I could get it last. No, I, also a gallon, since I'm in the store, like I've always wanted to see how far I could just huck a gallon of milk, you like wind up like a like a discus or something i just that

shit would be so fun to me and by this time there's probably barely anything left in there so i'm just yeah i've always wanted to do that i think you know that feeling you just get an apple in your hand and you're like i just want to how far would this go you know not in a bad way just i have an orange tree in my backyard and sometimes I'll take one of the oranges and huck it at the wall as hard as I can. Oh. Yeah. I like that.

And then they splatter. Who cleans it up? I clean it up. Oh, okay. Yeah. A buddy of mine worked at Burger King back in the day. So we're all waiting out back for him. And to be nice, he brought us out a bunch of orange juices and I think like ham ham and cheese croissants and the orange juices were going to expire in like a day.

So we're like, whatever. And we just threw them all at the Burger King that he was working at. He was inside working. He comes back out and there's like nine orange juices splattered on the wall. We were like, oh, so he had to stay and clean it all up. It's just like, I can't, they know I gave these to you. Anyway, I digress. I would throw a bunch of fruit in the grocery store.

All right. Fantastic. And your fourth pick. This is, again, I could do this, but this is just something I've always wanted to do. I've never been on a boat where I couldn't see land. So I just want to get on a boat where I can't see land. I think it'd be a fun feeling. Not even a hint

of land i've been pretty far out but i just don't want to know where the land is i mean i do it'd be terrifying to me it's unsettling yeah i like it like when you really i love the ocean i love being in the middle of the ocean where have you have you gone on a cruise or what no are you fucking kidding i would never get on a cruise. When did you get that far out? I went to a terrible trip to the Bahamas, and we went from Nassau to Harbor Island, and it's like a half-hour ride out there.

So you pass by small islands, but then you pass by nothing. And it's just the ocean. Yeah, yeah by nothing. And it's just the ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's really fucking beautiful. Yeah, dude. It's beautiful. You know, what even would make it a little more interesting almost is having an island so tiny that you could see the whole thing. Like, to me, that barely counts as land, you know?

Mm-hmm. Just like a tiny little island. Oh, like a desert island? Yeah, something where you're like, whoa. Yeah. Because you'd know you'd die there if you got stuck. There's nothing here. Also, maybe at night.

I don't want to know which direction. I don't want to have the sun. Because if you know me, you know I can tell everything by where the sun is. You're a survivor. You're a natural survivor. Human compass. Okay. Two years at the University of South Dakota.

Didn't get me nothing. I'll tell you that. Yeah, just out there in the water. Can't see any land. It'd be buck. Like scary, but also the impending world ending. Taking a boat to the middle of the ocean. That'd be some scary shit, dude. We are on the bad pick part of the draft.

Damn. David Borey, time for your fourth pick. Oh, man. Hold on. My doctor's calling. Not in a bad way. I just have an appointment in the morning. I was going to say, go ahead.

I was like, you better take that if you're expecting some sort of news. No, no. Your doctor's like, he took going to the middle of the ocean, the world's ending, and he just wants to go on a boat until he can't see land? He can do that tomorrow. He lives in- He's out of Lake Michigan, dude. He's in a coastal state.

I want to go hard. I want to blow up my ig i want to go on instagram at live and tell everybody what i think about there you go just go in on the whole shit man tank it all and then show my dick so it'll never be recovered. So there's not even a chance of me getting the shit back. That's so funny. What are like nine things you'd say to people? But I'd say what I think about everything. Wow. Okay, think of one person that you really want to say some shit to.

You don't have to say their name, but what would you say? Let's call him Susie. What would you say to Susie? Okay. You ruin every social situation you're ever in. We all hate it when you're around. Oh, my God. That's from way back that's like uh

i'm trying to think if you yeah none of you guys sean's sitting there looking no i just want to go in crazy blast dick and then get out of there how would the dick reveal happen would you pull it out of the pants or would there be like something special would you have like a special outfit belt tearaway pants i Yeah, I think I would be like standing up, like walking through the street doing it like, did you ever get you guys, I guess you guys did not. I think it was just a black

men's thing. There was this thing that you would get where it would be like, hey, if you're getting this, it's because somebody cares about you and then they'd go on this long thing. I'd be doing that, so I'd be like walking through the city and then at the end, i would pan down and just hold it you've been bottomless the whole time whole time just walking through the streets winnie the poohing it okay i'm here for that david boris senior yeah yeah just really blow it up just all the stuff you never got you know what i mean just really air it out yeah i kind of want

to hear another one okay no no no no no this person's name is georgie what do you want to say to georgie it's marissa's last episode you gotta do it yeah do more do more this is this is this is a dirty pool uh okay let me think of another one I want to say. Oh, being smart isn't a personality. You're just pretentious. I don't like talking with you. And I think you use words wrong a lot. I'm safe.

No, wait, I'm not safe. The first part I was safe. The second part I think I'm dichotomy. All right, that's it, though,omy any more and then he'll get on we'll start to listen a little too specific I like how vague those were but they were very poignant and like also pretty personal yeah yeah yeah

you ruined social events and we all wish you weren't here that really got me good that was funny none of those people even listen to this, so I think I'm safe. Nicole, tell me your fourth pick. Okay, this one's real dumb. Shoot a basketball

on an NBA court. Oh, that's not dumb at all! You could do that, I think. Could I? How do I get on the court? I think you're there. I think you're there. I don't think so. get on the court. I think you're there. I think you could get on the court. I think you're there.

I don't think so. I would love to. I could have you shooting free throws on the Portland Trailblazers home court with one email. Really? 100%. Yeah, and not because of me. Because of who you are. Yeah, I bet you could get in there. You're definitely there.

I want to do it while they're practicing so I can play with them and they can be easy on me. And I'll be like, look at me. I like that. Like you want to be in the shoot around before the game. Where are you from? Where are you from originally? New Jersey. New Jersey.

All right. That's tough. Because then it's like, now it's the Brooklyn Nets. Now it's the Brooklyn Nets. Yeah. I don't want the Brooklyn Nets. What I want is the Chicago Bulls because I grew up loving the Bulls because my whole family is from Chicago. So I have like pictures of me as a kid and like little Bulls outfits and stuff.

Oh, I bet you could get the Bulls. I think this is in play. I really do. I really think this is in play. I don't think so. I think they'd be like, who are you? Why do you want to do this? No, I don't think that would be the case.

It's good that you think that because you need to think that about yourself. But I'm telling you, as someone who has shot a basketball on an NBA court. Was it fun? Oh, yeah. It seems like so, like all of the seats and stuff, like it just seems like really fucking cool, the shiny hardwood.

I was going to say it's shiny. The bounce probably feels better. Did it go in? When I shot it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. I feel like you could tweet at any of the Bulls. I think Caruso would hook it up.

I think Levine would hook it up. I think you could do it. I think if you tweet at Lonzo, I bet you Lonzo could hook it up. Yeah. I think we make this a goal next season. I think we start planting the seeds now. And I think you're shooting on the— And then after that, Nicole, we'll rent a boat and we'll go to the middle of lake superior that sounds great let's do it i'll do it and then i'll peg you with the

permission from your wife yes cannot stress that enough yeah i think we i think this happens in the united center in the 2023 2024 season oh that. That's great. I think his name is Giannis Attacupo? Yeah, what team does he play for? I love him. The Bucs, the Milwaukee Bucs. I don't want to go to Milwaukee, never mind. They play other places. Maybe it's a Bucs

bowl game. He's so pretty. I think you can tweet it. I think these guys are tweetable. Tweetable? Tweetable? Tweetable? That sounded good. Tweetable? If you want a pretty NBA player, do yourself a favor and look up Al Horford.

Okay. Wait, what's his name? Al Horford. Al Horford? Al. The L, yeah. Okay. He has pretty eyes.

He's got very pretty eyelashes. Ooh. Yeah. He's just a beautiful dr so he's probably hook up the bbl too yeah yes let me shoot a basketball and get me a bbl yeah he's real pretty i like the all-star game because the all-star game is just filled with the prettiest ones and they don't even like play they just like do tricks i love it take a look at jeremy grant when he got a minute too okay jeremy grant yeah always got a minute yeah beautiful eyes yeah yeah yeah yeah oh he's got a good smile oh he looks like a sweetie yeah his dad was an NBA player. I like him. So, like, you know what I mean? He grew up with, like, expensive lotions. How much did my lotion cost? Not as much as Jeremy Grant's. Probably not.

You guys got to put me up on some good lotion. Yeah, I don't ever get good lotion. It's always hella cheap. I'll send you my regime if you want. Yeah. I do. Not that I have good lotion, but I've been, you know. I got a face.

I got some good face stuff. Yeah. I got a whole system. You all have good skin. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. You're welcome.

It means a lot. Yeah. I really appreciate that. Yeah. It's nice. Very nice skin. Time for me to make a very nice fourth and then a final pick as it is a serpentine draft with my fourth pick this is a this involves me traveling to florence italy

but i'm traveling to florence italy and i'm shoving over michelangelo's david oh no Ian I hate that oh man why would you do that some men just want to watch the world burn yeah and oh no you never thought I'd come to Italy did you David

I'm going to I bet my tune will change after I go see it in person. Right about today, actually, when this drops. For sure. You're going to see it, and you're going to be like, it's going to be breathtaking. Okay, let me amend my pick. Can I amend my pick?

Yes. Because I hated that one. I'm traveling to Florence. I'm going to where Michelangelo's David is with some washable paint, and I'm painting a big dog shirt on Michelangelo's David. Oh, yeah? That's funny.

I don't like it. You can wash it off. You can wash it off. But can you? I'm painting jeans and a big dog t-shirt on Michelangelo's David. All right. That's better than knocking it over. Yeah.

This one I can kind of get behind. He's going to be wearing jean shorts and a Jurassic Bark Big Dog T-shirt. Okay, I'm on board. That's funny. All right. That's adorable. I got your back. I got your back.

Jurassic Bark. That's right, because we do want stuff to, if ever, like, you know, like aliens come to our planet to prove that, you know, we weren't all bad. We didn't actually say what kind of apocalypse this is. Like, are there the big ships in the ocean where 30,000 people make it and repopulate? Is it like meteor hitting the earth? What? Big ships in the ocean? Yeah, what are big ships in the ocean?

Never seen 2012? They got the big ships in the caves in Asia that they're saving for the apocalypse where all the politicians and doctors go? No, I haven't seen it. No. Man, you guys need to start reading the dark web. You get out with the info it's gonna come in handy all right damn here's uh this is my last my final pick is for a situation where shit's popping off the panic in the streets right okay i'm going to the louvre i'm already in europe because i painted a big dog t-shirt on the Michelangelo's David. I'm going to the Louvre and I'm stealing the sword of Joyeux

which is a sword that belonged to Charlemagne. The God? That's what I was thinking. Charlemagne the God. Charlemagne the King and was used in every French coronation from like the 1100s up until when the French monarchy fell.

And I'm just going to be out there handling my business with a sword a sacred ancient sword i like that yeah i like that too that's fun love it yeah love it you know maybe i'm riding a horse maybe i'm riding that rhino from before but i got a sword and that's what's important nicole time for your final pick okay my final one this is gonna seem real stupid but it is to sing with a full band and i know that's a thing i could like do but i can't sing and i'd have to keep living so like right so like if i if i'm gonna die then i can like sing my heart's content and be terrible. And people can be upset about it and whatever. But I'm going to die.

So I don't have to live with the embarrassment. Right, right, right. That makes complete sense. I love it. I absolutely love it. It'd be so fun. So powerful feeling. I've done live band karaoke a couple times. It fucking feels amazing.

It feels so. It probably feels great. It doesn't even matter if you can't sing did you do it next to the stand-up phoenix in that bar where they do it no i did it at it was it's that one dude it's that one guy's show i forget the name of it josh adam meyers the band yeah yeah whatever show but you did it at the crystal bar or the one whatever when i watched it i was there though you were hella nervous it was fun such a fun show it was and then you do like standup about that song

that you just did or whatever. It was like so much fun. I did What's Up by Four Non Blondes and like you truly, it's almost better if you can't sing because you can't hear yourself because the instruments are so loud. And I had some tequila.

I like that. Yeah. Sing with a full band. Great pick. David, time for your final pick. This one is really bad it's just one of my only regrets but i don't think to actually do it i feel like it would need to be like something pressing like the end of the world uh go to the top of the eiffel tower

we went out i'm not great at heights so we went and then like some of us then some of them went up, and I was like, ah, no. And I stayed down, and I've regretted it ever since. I don't want to go do it this summer or anything, but if the world was ending, I think it would be enough to make me want to go. Yeah, there you go. That's great. You'll probably see Sean all the way out in the middle of the ocean from up there. Well, I could see you at the Louvre for sure. Definitely.

Hi, David. I'd be going, hi. Hey, David. Hey, it's me. It's buddy Sean. Hi. Double hands. Hey, David.

Bye. Sean. I would punch out a car window. I've always wanted to do it. I've always wanted to do it. Okay. Like you're going to get initiated into a Jamaican gang. For the life of me, I can't find a reason where I could be like, I had to.

But I've always wanted to do it. How would you do it? Would you Tyrese it? Like take off your shirt, wrap it? Over the knuckles, yeah. I feel like that's the only way to really do it unless you hurt yourself. I saw a kid in high school do it on one of the tiny little, so there's the back window and then there's the tiny little V window or whatever window triangle window yeah punch that out and

we're like bro and it was his hand was messed up what was the situation he was just like it was upset over a relationship as you as you do but i just want to straight up just see see if i can do, see what it's like here at Shatter. It'd just be buck. It would be cool. I don't know if I would get through. Yeah.

I don't know. Nothing to it. I just crack. I just want to see what time it is. Crack. Just want to see what time it is. You could punch out all sorts of stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Starting with a car window, Playboy. Absolutely. And then whatever window is between me and that grenade that I want to get. Punch out a car window playboy absolutely and then whatever window is between me and that grenade that i want to get uh punch out a car window is the final pick the final pick of the draft to recap i went first i took letting all the animals out of the zoo stealing a ferrari and driving off the santa monica pier into the ocean robbing a pizza hut and a panda express and then

breaking into a taco bell with all that stuff and starting a small pop-up restaurant painting a big dog t-shirt on Michelangelo's David and stealing the sword of Joyeux. Nicole, you went second. You took sex with friends and others, being eaten out, hiring someone to marry, and then pegging them. That was your first pick.

That's a lot. Getting a Brazilian butt lift, stealing all the shit from Rodeo Drive, shooting a basketball on an NBA court and singing with a full band. David, you went third. You took setting a fireworks depot on fire, throwing the best barbecue in the world,

taking a brain-melting amount of mushrooms, and going to the symphony, blowing up your Instagram for real, just really letting it all hang out in more ways than one, going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Sean, you went last. You took trying heroin, throwing a grenade into a sewer, you went last. You took trying heroin, throwing a grenade into a sewer,

throwing all the produce around a grocery store, taking a boat out into the middle of the ocean, and punching it in the car window. Yours sounds just like a bad kid's summer. Yeah, it does. Very funny. It's just like, yeah, I'm going to do that. I'm going to punch a window and throw fruit.

Take that, Carl. Like, man, you are stuck in middle school, dog. What did I do over spring break? Well, on Monday, Marissa, you said you had a full list of ideas for this topic. We now turn the mic over to you. Well, okay. So I'll say if I only had one pick, it'd be to tell all my friends and family that i love them i don't have a chance to say i love them too uh and you guys as well um but admittingly my first idea that i had was i just really wanted to motorboat some some titties

i really want to do that. It's tough because I think I've talked about this on the podcast before. Like, I have a pretty big rack and so I love being able to offer that to others. But I can't do it to myself. And so it's like,

it's like a curse. The technology hasn't been there yet. I just want to be able to feel it, you know? So that seems really nice. And then just like, yeah, I just want to try all the drugs.

That seems like a good way of going out. Yeah, heroin. Oh, God, that sounds awful. Talk to someone after first chime. It sounds great. Oh, and then I had one other idea, which is kind of lame, but I would also stop separating my recycling. Yeah, for sure. Hell yeah.

I love that so much. Wait, Mars, have you ever lifted your titties to your face and then tried to lower your face down into them? Yeah, I can lick one, but I want to just get my face right between the crevice and really go to town. I wish I would have known that. We got to go back to the strip club. You guys got me my very first lap dance. I remember. I can't remember if I got to motorboat tits,

but I did, I think I did squeeze my face in them, so thank you for that. I remember she had some big ones. I remember that. There's another one coming.

Oh, yeah. Don't you worry. Yeah. That's a very attainable goal. Absolutely. Yeah, I think so, too. As someone who used to have titties,

I try, it's just not the same with your aunt who has been motorboated by other ones. It's just's no is it nice does it feel nice to motorboat tits of course it does okay yeah they're nice and warm yeah is it is it great to take a walk on a sunny day is it great to take an art it is an ancient and uncompromising comfort yeah it's amazing yeah it's wonderful put them on my forehead anyways wonderful but Nicole you have a hard out so you can take off

whenever you damn well thank you so much for joining us thank you so much for having me seriously so wonderful you're welcome back anytime bye guys bye Nicole and now it's just us

still recording I guess with that uh i want to thank all the amazing listeners for tuning in to this podcast that i worked on i got into this work because i'm a shy introvert that just like really love listening to podcasts um and so to get to be a fly on the wall during these recordings has been like an absolute dream job because like the first podcast I ever listened to was The Nerdist hosted by Chris Hardwick. And they would always reference Katie, their engineer and their producer. And I was wondering, like, what does Katie do? She seems cool. And then to eventually like four years later be like the Katie of this podcast is just really cool.

It's a real full circle moment. And, like, back in the day, while engineers at HeadGum were strictly supposed to be, like, off mic, you guys were always, like, so nice and inviting to, like, get me on mic and involve me as much as possible, which is, like, so sweet of you. And it's just been a crazy six years. It's been amazing watching all of you guys grow up. Sean becoming a dad, David being the king of Denver and like the voice of Comedy Central. Like, I don't know if like the listeners know like David's journey, especially at like the start of the podcast where I don't know how much you want to talk about it, David. But I knew. Yeah. We have a lot going on.

Yeah. We'll say that. And then Ian finding love on like on this podcast being able to like witness that was like so wild uh and now you're gonna be a soon-to-be author which is so cool just like how much you guys have evolved in the six years has been like so cool to witness and it's like really inspirational too to like my own growth and where i want to go in life um so i really just want to thank you guys for all of the laughs. Work has never felt like work when I'm like laughing this much.

There'd be times I'd be watching like a new TV show that people would recommend and I'd watch an episode and I'd be like, this is fine, but I'm, I have more fun like at my job than I do like watching this TV show, watching this like expensive, like comedy TV show. So it really makes me appreciate just like,

just working with you guys. Like it's just, it's so much fucking fun. It's been a fucking dream job. I want to shout out the band Pup. I don't know if you guys still listen. But when I learned that my favorite Toronto punk band listened to AFE, I like short-circuited. I like couldn't process the fact

that like artists that I looked up to also consumed and enjoyed my art and it was just like a really weird moment in like like one of my highest like accomplishments in my career was just like you know when someone you respect also respects your work it's awesome um so yeah to keep in touch with me um mars mel on twitter mars.mel on instagram videos of me feeding street cats beat saber all that stuff when this episode comes out i'll share some of my favorite photos from working on afe so you could come see that um and i look forward seeing how the show continues and involves isaac is a fucking talent he's the only one that i was confident in to like take over this project he's amazing you've already heard his work producing sean's amazing rap song let everybody know though that you you found like you did it

that's how much you care like you did you did so many things you didn't have to and including find somebody to replace yourself which is you it's fun it's more like because i love this show so it's like i just wanted to be as best as it can be you're gonna be back on as a guest it's gonna be tight it's easier because it's not the end of our it's just the end of this version of our working relationship but it's just like you're getting cat pictures you don't worry there were a few episodes of this podcast where it was just me and a bunch of knuckleheads and then when like sean and david came on full time that's you know it started to like turn into something that like it was really exciting and sustainable but it

didn't become what it was ever going to be or what like what we were at our best until you joined us and like really rounded out and your energy and like the the thrill i know the three of us would get when we heard you laugh like a microphone we got to see you laugh was like best oh yeah you want to know something super specific and super trippy to this podcast is so like when we're in the studio um you guys had microphones the engineer didn't have a mic sometimes maybe you could hear me like off mic laughing but but after the pandemic and everyone's over Zoom, I got my own mic just to talk over Zoom. And that led me, since I had a mic,

well, now I could like, I guess, record my like laughter. And I had like a full dedicated audio track to myself now. And what is so interesting is now when I'm editing the podcast, anytime I see like a bump in my audio track I know that that's a laugh so I know every single moment in the episode like I know where the funny parts in the episode are based off my like little laugh track it's kind of like when you're on YouTube and you're scrubbing through the clip and you can see where the popular sections are based off like where the viewers are it's exactly like that but it's specific to like okay

you're gonna laugh here and here and here and here and it's like it's very weird because like i'll be editing the podcast and someone will say a funny joke and then i'll laugh and then i'll also hear like a ghost version of myself also laughing at the same time at the same time it's like really it's it's a really weird feeling it's kind of like if you ever play a sports like racing game and you're doing like a time trial and in some games they will have like a ghost rider of like your previous best like riding alongside with you like that's how it felt like i have a ghost like laugh track like also like laughing at the same time uh it was just it's a very strange feeling but it's very cool and i've only experienced that on the show um but yeah geez this is uh guys this has been great though

this is one of the best like seriously like changed my whole life i'm so lucky that like because the show was just like randomly assigned to me and i'm just so lucky that you guys were like actually really really funny and i i think you guys are so funny and uh that we could keep doing this uh every single week was just... I feel like I got very lucky in being put on a funny show. And like what? I think we're all pretty lucky.

We had other producers for a minute and it was always like... Yeah, who were they? Today I was actually trying to remember. I feel like maybe it was multiple different people or something. I think there was a dude named Danny. I swear to God there was a guy named people or something. I just, there was a dude named Danny. I swear to God,

there was like a guy named Dan or something. No shade on them, but it was just like, they didn't, but yeah, but like it, it was like, it was just like when you joined us,

it was like, this is it. This is like, then that's the team. Yeah. We're going to be mean to Isaac. Yeah. It's going to be a whole different dynamic,

whole different thing. It's going to be a lot. Don't turn your camera on. Don't turn your camera on. Who the fuck do you think you are? Isaac. Isaac, get behind the curtain. My gosh.

When the new logo drops and you're still in it and he's not, I'm going to tell him to take that personally. I'm going to send him a handwritten letter saying,

take this personally. But yeah, I love each and every one of you. Now my eyes are getting all glassy and I can't see my notes. Love you to pieces. You're fantastic.

Yeah, you've been amazing this whole time. It's been really great to work with you. And I'm really thankful we got this time. And I'm very excited for you and proud to see you. And I'm really glad that we could have bought you your first lap dance because I think that's... It's one of the greatest gifts from this podcast, my very first lap dance. Also, I had heard that, like, didn't one of you guys get in trouble later by, like, a girlfriend or something? Like, got upset that...

Yes. So I'm sorry about that. But also, like, I asked for it. I enjoyed it. I wanted it. It all worked out. Yeah. It was all part of a complex breakup package, which I received the next day.

But it was all... Fuck, it led me to here. It's fine. The relationship was supposed to end. It's wonderful. I'm glad I would have done it a million times over again. That's funny. Yeah, and with that, this has been Marissa hanging up for now, but not forever.

Whoop, whoop. Shaklakity. Hell yeah. Oh, man. I think we end it right there. that was a hate gun podcast