All Fantasy Everything - Things We Lied About Knowing (w/ Jeremy Taché)

Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reese special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

Starting point is 00:00:19 I'm participating in restaurants for a limited time. ["Fantasy Everything Theme Song"] Welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything. The podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. Sean is doing some mouth stuff right now. Sean is going full mouth. I'm not blowing anyone.

Starting point is 00:00:53 I'm not doing mouth stuff. I'm doing mouth. You were doing like weird mouth stuff. You were stuff with your mouth. Yeah, you would do intro mouth stuff too. Early mouth stuff. Our guest today is doing no mouth stuff. mouth stuff to early mouth stuff Our guest today is doing no early mouth stuff Unfortunately, I got some early mouth stuff

Starting point is 00:01:21 The best way to do it is observing Sean's stuff. Yeah, that is true. That is yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's day one shit sports media member Miami Heat courtside reporter did not get a chance to cover Damian Lillard. Jeremy Tashay is here. Oh my God, right after the Jimmy Butler stuff too, you just had to swipe right off the top. I mean, I guess I appreciate that it came in the first couple minutes.

Starting point is 00:01:40 Come on, let's rip the bandaid up. I figured that's a good way to do it. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Mouth Stuff Jordan and David Bore. Let's get into it. We're into it. You can call me Mouth Stuff. I'm not gonna call you. I'm calling you, what was the other thing? He wanted the worst, it was like the big budget, but then he wanted, he was like, call me tax return or something like that. It was something bad.

Starting point is 00:02:04 It was big budget and you wanted it to be called Big Scroll. Big Scroll. That's right. Yeah, you thought that was better. Big, Big Scroll. We're not doing that dude. Yeah, so keep calling me that. That's fine.

Starting point is 00:02:16 I'll call you Mouth Stuff, Mouth Stuff today. Big Mouth Stuff Scroll? Big, Big Mouth Stuff Scroll. How's everybody doing? Jeremy, what's your favorite basketball movie? We've covered this ourselves, but I'm just wondering with you. I love both.

Starting point is 00:02:32 They're both from my childhood. Space Jam and Like Mike. I love Like Mike. I loved Like Mike as a kid. Is that the Bow Wow one? Yeah, the Bow Wow one. Jesse Pau. I was like a kid. I was what when did that come out? 2002 or three I was seven or eight years old. Yeah. Yeah, I was seven years old. So it was like

Starting point is 00:02:53 I had just been introduced to basketball and was like look at all these stars and also this is the coolest thing that could ever happen So I immediately bought Nikes with a baby blue swoosh on them and I wore them basically every day. I've been having those. Sure. Yeah. Like Mike has a cult following.

Starting point is 00:03:10 I would say, I don't even know if it's cold cause we're a little too old. I was like, when it came out, I watched it obviously, but I was like, Oh, this is kind of a kid's movie. But it's like, if you were in that, like whatever, like, like Mike, that's like their goofy movie. Yeah. It was sensational. It's like rookie of the year, but basketball like a kid is

Starting point is 00:03:39 Saw it when it was a talkie. It's the natural. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, and a young Jesse Plemons. I thought you were about to say that. Jesse Plemons, huh? For years and years and years, because I didn't watch Breaking Bad when it was on the air. So for years I continued to associate Jesse Plemons as the bully from Like Mike. When people would bring him up, I was like, oh yeah, the kid from Like Mike,

Starting point is 00:04:20 he's great. How is that profitable for Jesse Plemons? I love that though when you have somebody wrong. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's great. How is that profitable for Jesse Plemons? I love that though when you have somebody wrong, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's great. You can talk about Donald Faison where they're just like clueless and it's like Scrubs was like a longer No, he's clueless for me forever, man Pretty good and clueless though. Yeah. Yeah, he's keeping it real cuz I'm keeping it real

Starting point is 00:04:44 Frick dude like Mike. I don Um, Frig dude, Like Mike. I don't think I've ever seen Like Mike. What is everybody else's favorite basketball movie? Blue Chips. The Natural. Blue Chips, yeah. It's probably Blue Chips for me too. Above the Roof for days, for me.

Starting point is 00:04:55 Above the Roof all day. Oh really? Oh yeah, yeah yeah. I'll tell you what, is it Hustle? Is that the Adam Sandler one? Is that the name of the movie? It was good. I liked it.

Starting point is 00:05:02 I liked that movie. Really good. I always associated Crispin Glover with Like Mike as well for years and years and years because I hadn't seen Back to the Future. That's dangerous. He had? That's funny.

Starting point is 00:05:12 That's funny. You wanna talk about, I think we were talking about range the other day. You wanna talk about fucking range. Crispin Glover? Crispin Glover. All over the map. Dude, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:23 All over the map. All I know is Willard and Back to the Future. Oh, and Hot Tub Time Machine. That's crazy! Listen to what you just said! Hot Tub Time Machine? That's another crazy association. You keep bringing it up.

Starting point is 00:05:36 It's like... Chris and Glover was making movies with the cast where everyone had Down syndrome, and like taking them on, like touring them from theater to theater. I don't- I heard he's an asshole. Wait, what?

Starting point is 00:05:48 It's called What Is It was the movie that he directed, which is like the entire cast are people with Down syndrome, and him. Wow. Yeah. He's an interesting dude. I don't think he is an asshole, but- That's one of those ones where maybe you don't take off

Starting point is 00:06:00 the pages of the notebook. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You write it down as an idea, and then you're like, all right, but then maybe I'll just do this thing Maybe you don't take off the pages of the notebook. Yeah Right it down as an idea and then you're like, all right, but then maybe I'll just do this thing about you know I yeah, I don't know me. He saw he saw through I don't I was made in 2005 So I'm not I have never seen it. I don't know if it was treated sensitively or if it was exploitative But I think it was the the former I think he- Well, if I know where I was at in 05. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:26 Seems like a lot of people in 05 follow up to Like Mike, right? Yeah, it was like Mike 2 actually. Let me look, dude. I mean, it's within a few years. All right, hold on, 2005. Yeah, it's pretty close. He, okay, filmography.

Starting point is 00:06:41 Like Mike, Willard, Charlie's Angels Full Throttle, something called Incident at Loch Ness, we were just doing a cameo. Okay, so what is it was his follow-up to Charlie's Angels Full Throttle? Range. Range. Interesting IMDB run there. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:06:59 Incredibly interesting. And then later on he played Grendel in that weird motion capture Beowulf that Bob Zemeckis did. Oh, I did not see that motion capture Beowulf that Bob Zemeckis did. I did not see that. Me neither. You said Bob Zemeckis did? Bobby Zemeckis, dude.

Starting point is 00:07:11 Bob Zemeckis had him back. Had him back on the couch. Beowulf, huh? Beowulf, yeah. Dude, have you seen, like Robert Zemeckis' later filmography gets pretty weird, dude. Lot of mocap. I don't know what mocap means.

Starting point is 00:07:24 Motion capture. Lot of that like Pol I don't know what mocap means. Motion capture. Lot of that like Polar Express looking stuff. I don't like watching that. That stuff freaks me out. Nobody liked it. Exactly, it feels like uncanny valley. I don't like it.

Starting point is 00:07:35 100%. Yeah, it's bad. It was not well received. Polar Express? Mocap. Oh, mocap, yeah. That's a term I know now. I'm gonna call you mocap.

Starting point is 00:07:44 Yeah, that's a good one. Big scroll mocap. Big mocap. Oh, mocap, yeah. That's a term I know now. I'm gonna call you mocap. Yeah, that's a good one. Big scroll mocap. Big mocap. In the building. Big scroll. Big mocap, AKA Sean S. Jordan. What is it?

Starting point is 00:07:53 What are you on Blue Sky? I don't know, man. So I can really re-fire these synapse chains in my brain. You don't have to. You type in Sean Jordan, it'll come up. I think it's the one that comes up, so I wouldn't sweat it.

Starting point is 00:08:04 The energy's focused on Instagram. Okay. So I wouldn't sweat it. The energy's focused on Instagram. Okay, there he goes. The energy, Sean Coomer Mel and Jordan on Instagram. That's where it's all really happening. More of a visual comedian. Come see, yeah man. Just go, just go come.

Starting point is 00:08:19 Come see David and I, Count Zaculet, the Carco Theater, Seattle Rent-N-Area, anywhere in between. Drive up from Portland, Count's Acculent, the Carco Theater, Seattle Rent-N-Area, anywhere in between. Drive up from Portland, drive down from Vancouver. It ain't that far, three hours, getting the whip. It's gonna be fun. And then- Tickets going fast too.

Starting point is 00:08:34 Tickets are going fast. And then come see us in New Orleans. I heard nobody's going, dude. I heard nobody's going to that show. Yeah, I bet you did hear that. Oh, they're coming. Screaming in the mirror. Nobody's going to that show.

Starting point is 00:08:41 Nobody's going because they're all coming. They're all coming, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arthur's screaming in the other room and he ends up in the bathroom like, no one's going to. Nobody's going because they're all coming. They're all coming, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arthur's screaming in the other room and he ends up in the bathroom like, no one's going to see David and Sean. No one's going to see David.

Starting point is 00:08:50 I'm fine. It's fine that I'm not on the road. You like him tight. That was so funny. I will be in Fort Collins at the end of March. It is just north of Denver, so if you're feeling spicy, get up there. And if you're already in Fort Collins, fantastic.

Starting point is 00:09:07 Just come on down to the Comedy Fort. They do it right, it's a fun club. I've only headlined it once maybe, and I had an absolute blast, so I got four shows at the end of March on the Friday and Saturday. At the end of March the 28th and the 29th, so come on out, I would love to see your face. And then Nola, man, I just looked at the end of March the 28th and the 29th, so come on out, I would love to see your face. And then Nola, man, I just looked at the lineups,

Starting point is 00:09:28 I finally opened that text for Mandu, sorry for never answering. Man, every show, they're all gonna be so good. Good shows. They are all gonna be good. Jeremy, you comin' to New Orleans, dude? I actually am planning on going. Are you really?

Starting point is 00:09:41 No, you're not. I'm planning on bringing my brother for his birthday. Oh man. Literally he's a huge fan. I mean we're both big fans of this podcast. Who's a bigger fan? Should we switch you out for him right now if he's a bigger fan? He would do a better job. He's funnier than I am. I don't know if that's true. He's a funny guy.

Starting point is 00:09:58 Don't say that. Maybe you guys will see in New Orleans. But yeah, we're planning on being out there. Hell yeah! If that's any sell to everyone else to get tickets, that's that's in the works for us We're just older brother younger brother younger brother. I think my younger brother might be funnier than me I don't know if I'm here than me. I don't know if he's gonna go I don't think he's gonna go and do what I did with it right not like a whore, but I think When he get like you see the seeds, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:10:26 Where you're like, oh, I think this guy's hilarious. Well, he's just pouring something else into the hole, dude. It's not that, you know, we're all whores out here. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. We're trying to get him a track scholarship. Now he's funny because of me, but it's still, yeah, he's still funny. No, my brother's on, he did it on his own. He did it in the dark. Came by it on his own? Yeah, he just came by the own. He did it in the dark He just came by the house one day he was like hey look what I got I was like, oh shit I didn't even know you were building that up

Starting point is 00:10:53 That's always fun. My nieces and nephews are like that where you're like, you know You I always see him like I don't know five times a year Right and then in between you you see and they're like, oh shit. You're like funny, you have a personality, that's your own now. That's beautiful. Yeah, exactly my little brother, we send each other names all the time and he'll send me shit and I'm like, oh this is like, this is so funny I don't get it.

Starting point is 00:11:13 Yeah, right, yeah. My nieces and nephews are sending me music that I like. That's jarring. Ooh, I don't have anyone to do that for me. Somebody do that. I'll send me some stuff. Somebody do that. I don't know, anyone cool who's me. Somebody do that. I'll send you some stuff. I don't know anyone cool Somebody under you gotta be under you gotta be 13. Any 13 year old listening.

Starting point is 00:11:30 13 to 17 or whatever. This is not a good, this is not a good deal for you to be casting. Absolutely not you're right, but a cool music get it and send it to me. You can look for it. I told you guys I played Catfish in the car on accident the other day and Max is like, play Catfish again. It's so. I didn't understand the text to be completely honest.

Starting point is 00:11:52 It was that Dochi song Catfish. It's just so sweary. I mean, it's a great song. I can't stop listening to Dochi now because you guys put me on. But anyway, she likes Catfish. So Father John Misty's new albums real good, dude You really listen to yeah, Mahashma Shana real good. I'm telling me what to do

Starting point is 00:12:11 What do you been listening to I haven't been listening to music just the world What are you listening to music. What are you doing in the bathroom? Nothing for you. Yeah, yeah, everybody looks nervous. I just, I don't know, man. What have you been listening to? Not music? I don't even, even like at the gym, I'm just putting on like the news or podcasts or like. Oh wow. Dude, you gotta listen to war sounds.

Starting point is 00:12:38 Beats, I like Dilla Beats. Basically is the news right now. I think that I maybe, I've decided, maybe I don't have an ear for music. I like what I like. I don't think I'm it's even going to get good. You know, I don't think there's anything left. Like, it's just you have you like it.

Starting point is 00:12:53 It's already good. Your music and that's it. You don't need to learn anymore. No, I just don't think that I I I gravitate towards bad music naturally. Great. When that Island Boys thing happened, I was like, I think this is kind of cool. Like that's the Island Boys thing.

Starting point is 00:13:13 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. When they were in the pool, I was like, yeah, I do kind of like that. I like reggae and not even the good stuff. What would you do? The good news for you is there's a lot of bad music. You can find that. That's fair. There's so much terrible music for you to find in love.

Starting point is 00:13:27 And I just don't I don't know. I talk for a living. I listen. I just I found myself not listening to music nearly as much as I used to. I used to like be a defining personal characteristic, and now it's like, I don't know. You're kind of doing a Billy Joel thing. Billy Joel thing of just quitting when you're done, you know? It's like, I don't want to write any more songs.

Starting point is 00:13:44 That's it. I'm going to walk away. Yeah. You know, rather laugh with the sinner than cry with the saints. Is that what he says? He doesn't hit. Quick with a joke to light up your smoke. What? Another lyric from Piano Man.

Starting point is 00:13:59 I said quick with a joke to light up your smoke. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't mean to bum you out. It caught me on the wares. No, it caught me on the wares. It didn't bum me out. I know shit too. I know you do, bro.

Starting point is 00:14:12 What are you talking about? We're talking about not knowing shit. Sean's been on the back seat since he opened the pod by doing mouth stuff. I don't know a lot of stuff too. There's, don't worry. Well, you know, Billy Joel is Jewish. Whoa, I didn't know that. Whoa. I didn't know that.

Starting point is 00:14:26 Sean? I didn't know that. Are you serious? That wouldn't be a funny joke. So of course you're serious. 100% bar mitzvahed and everything. There he is. There we go. I've been waiting to say that the entire time. Oh my God. That was really important. That was good.

Starting point is 00:14:38 Now we're back on track. Are you Jewish? Yeah, 100% bar mitzvahed and everything. Oh, he did. Double bang. Are you Jewish? Me? Episcopalian.

Starting point is 00:14:49 Proud Episcopalian. Generations of it. Generations of proud Minnesota Episcopalians, dude, yeah. I can trace my family back to a jar of mayonnaise, man. Yeah, I'm like, yeah. I have strong mid-Atlantic roots. Is that where the Episcopalians are? I don't know. They're not Midwest, right? Let me look it up. I could tell you zero things about the Episcopalians.

Starting point is 00:15:07 It's when you really like fish, right? Are they Nordic? Yeah. If you're a 12-year-old Episcopalian, email Sean. The Lutherans are Nordic, right? Okay. That was a big... A lot of Lutherans, a lot of weird Lutheran pride when I was in middle school.

Starting point is 00:15:17 It's like heavily Scandinavian. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. It's like the North. Nordic, right? Okay. That was a big, a lot of Lutherans, a lot of weird Lutheran pride when I was in

Starting point is 00:15:26 like middle school. It's like heavy, heavily Scandinavian. Yeah. Well, the Midwest is very Lutheran, right? So you're like from a very Lutheran area. Yeah. It's the national church in Norway. The Episcopalians are based in New York city. There we go. New York City?

Starting point is 00:15:44 I turned into a salsa commercial. There we go Commercial To kill the guy that wanted to live past 50. Ju-Salsa? That was the underdog. Ju-Salsa? Ju-Salsa? So Big Scroll and Ju-Salsa. And Ju-Salsa. At this pace, I don't want one of these names. Well, pick up the pace, dude, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:17 If it goes to the copy. If it goes to the pace, I don't know. I would rather not be involved. Come see Ju-Salsa and Big Scroll in New Orleans. We're gonna be there with David Borey. Who doesn't want to. Yeah. Jew salsa is just the only Jewish guy

Starting point is 00:16:31 you know who can dance. Yeah, Jew salsa. That's your dad does no salsa. My dad does no salsa. Big post divorce move. And French. Yeah, he does French and salsa. Did he learn French and salsa at the same time?

Starting point is 00:16:45 No, he grew up speaking French, and then he learned salsa after a divorce. That's one of the better sentences I've ever heard to describe a man. Describe your father. He grew up speaking French and learned salsa after the divorce. Elevator pitch, I'll buy the show.

Starting point is 00:16:59 Everything else you need to know, you can assume via context. He also lived on a boat. Lived on a boat, floating home, but yeah, yeah, yeah. He can tie a double Windsor like nothing. Yeah. The man can tie a ton. Stone out of his gourd, I'll tell you that.

Starting point is 00:17:16 I heard somebody else call Weed Blue the other day, and they were older. It might've been an interview with Steely Dan, actually. It must be, they said it like it was a term. I can ask my stepdad, he's old and he smokes weed. But it also might be like an East Coast, it might be an East Coast term, like a Mon-Zell. Remember that?

Starting point is 00:17:38 Remember South Dakota shit slide? Wait, oh the Mon-Zell when he slaps someone, give a nice Mon-Z grunt, that's right. That's right, a Monzel. My favorite thing about the Pace Picante thing is they stopped doing those commercials after 9-11 out of solidarity with New York City. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:57 That's, otherwise it would've kept going. Yeah, we'd still be doing it right now. You know, it's Spider-Man. But they were like, we can't hammer New York while they're down. In Spider-Man, the original ending, he spun a web between the trade centers and they delayed the release

Starting point is 00:18:12 because they had to reshoot the end because they didn't want to dishonor the trade centers. That's right. Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, one of them, whichever one came out. So you believe in all that stuff then? Spider-Man, yeah dude. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:25 Of course Kind of a spider-man truth 9-eleven not so much. I got some things you should watch is I guys Loose change jumping on the 9-eleven human see if you can compromise Workshop joke I was trying to figure it out because honestly that I was like six years old So I don't remember any of the things that you guys were talking about you could say anything that happened right after 9-11 and I'd be like oh wow that's really crazy that they did that but yeah sure nobody wore socks yeah none of us had had sex no Wow in America no one no one in America and since we all became virgins again yeah that was the first

Starting point is 00:19:02 thing W Bush did okay I mean, that was the first thing W. Bush did. Okay. I mean, it made sense. I understand. Truly the main thing I remember was just football practice getting canceled. Ours didn't. Whoa, you guys had to do Oklahoma's at the Towersville? Oh, way. The extra 600 miles to the west, I think, made it.

Starting point is 00:19:20 So they were like- I'm thinking like school didn't get canceled, or school got canceled, but they're like, still show up for practice. I was in Colorado. I was still we were still not I know ball country That's I don't know why they didn't cancel it. They didn't School we watched the news all day, of course, and then it was like, all right strap them up You got to get you ready for war I've been really trying to be honest with my relationship to football lately, and I remember I hated practice

Starting point is 00:19:45 I was constantly waiting like it was everybody that I didn't running. I liked practice I didn't like I'd like defensive days. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, everything else I didn't like see I was a baseball player in high school And so I just did everything I could to avoid weightlifting. I was just like, I'll do, I was a pitcher. I'm like, I'll run poles and I'll do the cardio and whatever and I'll make sure I'm throwing. But look, I'm a five foot nine Jewish guy. Doing weightlifting is not gonna make me any better.

Starting point is 00:20:17 So I might throw two miles an hour harder. It's all right, I'm good. That's so quick. Sandy Kovacs wasn't dead lifting. Right. Show me a picture. That's exactly right. That's the difference. I think that's literally a dead lifting. Right. Show me a picture. That's exactly right. That's the difference. I think that's literally a size difference

Starting point is 00:20:27 cause that's all I wanted to do. Right. Like some days of practice we'd have circuits and I'd be like, yes. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Keep the inside. Let me lift some stuff up. Oh, I was so weak. I was so weak. He's still burning one

Starting point is 00:20:38 down the middle. I'm embarrassed. You come to know like he's still light one up for me. Oh man. I like, it'll hurt so much, but I'll do it. Like I realized the other day. If the AFE boys were a side, could you retire the side on nine pitches? How you feeling about that? I do, yeah, I do.

Starting point is 00:20:52 We might have to see. I do feel that way. I can't do that. I would do that, yeah. That was like, you didn't even like move your eye line. Yeah, no, I didn't hesitate. You look straight down the barrel. Does keep your eye on the ball, okay, answer this.

Starting point is 00:21:02 Does keep your eye on the ball mean watch the ball till it hits the bat or watch the way it leaves the pitcher's hand? I mean, it depends on the context of which you're discussing it. Do people watch the ball till it hits the bat for real? Yeah, yes. There are, I mean, that's the talent that excels and goes to the minor leagues and major leagues.

Starting point is 00:21:22 There are people who can follow the ball all the way through. But yeah, I mean, it's, it's hitting a, I think hitting a baseball is the toughest thing to do in the world at this point. Every time I hit a baseball, it's luck. Every single time it's me being like, I bet it'll be right here. Well, it's like, it's a round ball and a round bat

Starting point is 00:21:39 and you have to make it go straight. It doesn't make any sense in the world. And they're throwing it a hundred miles an hour from 60 feet away. Every time I watch pitchers up close, like especially right now during spring training, and I can see really like the difference between seeing a bunch of high school kids pitch that are throwing like between 75 and 85 maybe. That's still pretty dope. And then 95 to 100.

Starting point is 00:22:02 It is a massive difference. It's crazy. and 95 to 100, it is a massive difference. It's crazy. The sound a baseball makes when it hits the mitt is like, oh, it's like jarring. When it's like a 95 and it hits the mitt, you're like, it's amazing. Even like in high school, just watching games, I remember being like, oh, that's why I lived in the spring.

Starting point is 00:22:21 Right. Yeah. I saw the craziest thing, speaking of like pitching. Sean, you were there. We saw Shane Torres go 0 for 60, I believe it was. It can't be that, it can't be 60. 0 for 30, I think. Was it 0 for 30?

Starting point is 00:22:36 I'm pretty sure. We went to the batting cages. He doesn't like it. He missed 30 balls? Yeah. That's, no. And he'll tell you, he'll tell you even contact. Not even contact. No, so okay. We took, long story short, we all went out to have like a little dude's no. He'll tell you, he'll tell you. Not even contact.

Starting point is 00:22:46 So, okay, long story short, we all went out to have like a little dudes day. We were all kind of bummed out. And why did we have a little dudes day? Shane was a little bummed out. So we went to Cheer Mutt, we went to the batting cages, we went to the mall. First thing we did, we go to the batting cages. Ian and I got our hands on a few. Ian more than me, but I bet, I got 10, you probably got 15, 20.

Starting point is 00:23:04 And then, yeah, it was 10 pitches I think each time. Over 10, and we're like, let's, all right, get it. And then over 20, and he'll tell you he nicked one, but it's like, nope. He didn't, you know how it's a lie, because that didn't start until like six years after the fact, when he'd be like, yeah, I nicked one. Was it like a setting situation?

Starting point is 00:23:22 It was just a rough. What was he wearing? How tight were his jeans? Yeah, that's a good question. Tight enough. He just had a rough yeah that's a question just had a rough day we went to a Chinese food buffet and then we went to a batting cage you know it wasn't ideal he was full of crab and we still and we still put barrel on bomb. Didn't stop the Bash Brothers from parking smoke up to you out the net. God damn right.

Starting point is 00:23:46 Wait, smoking them or contact? We smoked a couple. I smoked about two or three. Yeah, smoking them. You got them. Meanwhile, Jose Conqueso. Jose Conqueso couldn't handle the scandal. Damn.

Starting point is 00:24:02 Sorry, Shane. Or watch his special, Blue-Eyed Mexican. There, Shane. Buy a, or watch a special Bluehead Mexican. There he is. You don't even have the clips. That is now like a six. Clips, plugs. Plugs. I was gonna say establish in 1981,

Starting point is 00:24:14 but that's the old one. Listen to that too, but then watch the Bluehead Mexican. That's now like 16 year old shit talk, which is pretty fun. 15, I don't know, however long ago that was. It's a long time.

Starting point is 00:24:23 David Bore is here cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram Birth of a nation available now on patreon. Yeah, that's really all I got. Oh March 14th Come see me at the comedy Commonwealth in Dayton, Kentucky March 15th come see me at the Comedy Corner Underground in Minneapolis March 1st, obviously come see Sean and I doing our thing in Seattle. And yeah, that's... And Boycott David's Rapid City Show. Oh, gosh, I gotta, I gotta find, maybe,

Starting point is 00:24:53 keep going and let me come back for that date. I gotta find that date, because I gotta find that date. This might be out by March 1st, boys. I think it is gonna be. Oh, really? What's the date today, the 21st? He said no.

Starting point is 00:25:03 You always just say no. Like, I love that you go off of feeling first and then you're like, let's walk it back. This comes out March 6th. Yeah, you're right. Come see me at the dentist. Come see me at the dentist on March 6th. You were going to get down on there? You're like, shit, what do I have down? Oh, man, that's so funny. You look like you're telling me. You're like, shit, what do I have down? Oh man, that's so funny.

Starting point is 00:25:28 I got nothing. Dude, all the dentists March 12th. Come see me. Thanks for coming to Seattle. Excellent. Jeremy Tachay is here. The cultural attache himself. Is it okay if I call you that?

Starting point is 00:25:41 Yeah, I prefer it actually. Fantastic. The cultural attache himself. Is it just Jeremy Tachay on socials? I used to put this in front of me. Cross platform. I've gotten lazy in my old age. Cross platform, Jeremy Tachay. Can you put the mark on the E in the socials?

Starting point is 00:25:56 Yeah, the mark on the E. I mean, I don't think I do it in the handle, but I'll do it in the display names of everything. And that's just to be as pretentious as possible. Love that. That's always how I tell people to pronounce it. If you see T-A-C-H-E. They call you Jeremy A24 Tachay, right?

Starting point is 00:26:13 That's right. You should really pretentious it up as much as possible. Yeah. Yeah. I just have the lighthouse just playing on a loop in my home at all times. All of your blue skies in your Instagram posts are released by the Criterion Collection. That's right. that's right? That's right, that's exactly right.

Starting point is 00:26:26 Yeah, no, I get it. Approved by them before anything goes out there. Yeah. That's fair. That's, you know, that makes sense. I can't remember if this is before or after we hit record, but there's two. Now, if I'm looking over your left shoulder, how many Emmys do I see?

Starting point is 00:26:40 You see two Emmys, you do. I do see two Emmys. You don't wanna walk in because you're gonna make me seem like a prick. I don't wanna do it either. I don't wanna do it either. I don't wanna do it. This was before we were recording. I just noticed. Sean doing this to you.

Starting point is 00:26:50 I just noticed. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, there are two. I just noticed. There are two of them there, but they're regional. They're regional. I'm not trying to compete with anybody. Don't make me say shit like regional

Starting point is 00:26:59 versus national, Emmy, all right? I would never. I know you're not. Sean backed you into this corner. I didn't say shit. This hot corner. I you into this corner. I didn't say shit. It's hot corner Yeah, I was a corner. I was leaving it. It's also like it's a conversion situation You know how many kilometers equal a mile? I don't know. It's a great question. I have I genuinely have no idea Yeah, I think I'm gonna go on three one

Starting point is 00:27:22 I thought it was I think it's two point three. 2.3? I was gonna say like 1.8. I thought it was, I think it's 2.3. I don't know though. Jeremy, you are dominating your competition at a level that I can't with my competition. So congratulations on your two Emmys. I really appreciate that. Yeah. Who do you have framed behind you there with a guitar?

Starting point is 00:27:37 That's Bruce Springsteen, cause I'm a white guy who works in sports. Absolutely, you have to, yeah. Grew up on the Springsteen. Yep, that's exactly right. It was the moment I got my degree. They handed me a framed black and white photo of Bruce Springsteen and said, on have to. Grew up on the Springsteen. Yep, that's exactly right. It was the moment I got my degree, they handed me a framed black and white photo for Springsteen and said, on your way.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Congratulations, you have a career ahead of you. Is that Willie Mays? Who's that little standee behind you? That is, that's Willie Mays. And then that's actually a Bill Walton signed basketball. Oh, what a guy. That's awesome, dude. Also, it's 1.6.

Starting point is 00:28:04 Oh, we were all wrong. Well, some of us didn't guess either. Yeah, my dad met him one time at some event and the first thing that he thought to do was go to where there was an auction table and see if there was a signed basketball. I believe the story goes that he didn't bid for it, but then Bill Walton signed a basketball for him anyway because he said it was gonna be

Starting point is 00:28:26 for his kid and that was the type of guy Bill Walton was. So super cool thing. Yeah. True to his word, it was for his kid. Your dad, you know, gave it passed it on. Still have it right here. You got a Walton on you? Always. Well, here, you got a Bill Walton impression? Oh no. I would just keep talking. Okay. I would just keep talking forever. I would, he was on, he was on, so I'm a member of the Dan LeBretard show with Stu Gotz and he was on the show and there was a segment where Dan decided to just ask him one question

Starting point is 00:28:59 and then not interrupt. And he spoke for, I believe, 13 straight minutes. That's amazing. And we just faded out the segment and that was it. And that's, again, that's the type of guy Bill Walton was as well. For a laser grade. Oh yeah, I like that. NBA grade, just life grade.

Starting point is 00:29:16 What do you have to promote? People can listen to you on the Dan Levitard show, Stu Gotts, of course. Yes, so listen to that. We'll have our show, The Pitch Clock, coming back soon over there, so that'll that. We'll have our show The Pitch Clock coming back soon over there. So that'll be our baseball show where we sort of combine some expertise with playing stupid trivia games about baseball because baseball is the only sport where we still care about numbers. So we figured why not make some trivia out of it. And then I am also on the Miami Heat broadcast. If you can access it via NBA League pass,

Starting point is 00:29:46 or if you're in the South Florida area and listening to this, yeah, you should get it on a FanDuel Sports Network on Amazon Prime now as well. So yeah, that's where you can watch me. And I'll be doing some stuff with the Marlins this year that I can't quite talk about yet, but I'm very excited. Very cool, dude, yeah. We wanna get to South Florida as well.

Starting point is 00:30:08 Please. We do, sure do. I'm gonna be in Hollywood. We gotta figure it out, fellas. We do. I gotta get back to you. Do you know other people? In Hollywood, Florida? I was born in Hollywood, Florida.

Starting point is 00:30:18 You were born in Hollywood? That's where I was born. Hollywood, baby. Yep. I'm doing a corporate there. Maybe I'll see you, maybe I'll try to see you. A corporate stand-up show? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:27 I don't know how much I can talk about it, but I have a couple weird corporates coming up. I'll tell you off air. Interesting. Blackwater. I gotta know what that is. Blackwater, Boeing, Doge. I'm doing stand-up for Doge.

Starting point is 00:30:40 Do you want a Doge corporate would be so funny. That's where they're shuffling all that 50 grand I'm getting they cut the parks department and I'm getting I'm getting some of that money. They're skimming off When was the last time you did a corporate? It's been a long time and I don't know What's the first time you did a corporate? It's been a long time, and I don't know how I got one. I haven't done one in a decade.

Starting point is 00:31:06 You can do anything from the last 15 years. I mean, nothing is off limits at a corporate. Like anything. What are you talking about? Any material, any material. Clean, any clean material. Yeah, what are you, yeah. What I'm saying though, you can dig back,

Starting point is 00:31:20 45 minutes of clean stuff from 15 years, you got that, easy. Oh yeah, I got it, but it's like, it's just. That's all I'm saying. You have to know with 45 minutes of clean stuff from 15 years, you got that. Easy. Oh yeah, I got it, but it's like, it's just. That's all I'm saying. You have to know with a lot of these. It's always in the daytime, the lights are on. There's no intro.

Starting point is 00:31:33 Well, they're never good. You can't expect it to be good. They're looking at you. Yeah. They don't want it to happen. You look at the offer and you say, am I willing to eat shit for an hour for that much money? Yeah. And if the answer is yes

Starting point is 00:31:45 Then it's a successful corporate. That's how you end up in Hollywood, Florida Unless but don't go to Vegas. That's the only time I did stand up only purely for money And that was the worst decision I've ever made that the plan your accent Forehand and then you just walk out immediately I'm gonna go I'm gonna buy a fucking man. I do all I'm there dude. Yeah, you should I how do you feel about jet skis? I love a jet ski and I've only been on one once in my teens Yeah, I've been on like three three or four times the same jet ski in it's like Powerful powerful. I thought as soon as I got the job at Chelsea lately the first like Hollywood job

Starting point is 00:32:23 I got I went home and googled how much do Jet skis cost dude, that's awesome By the way, I love my girlfriend so much. I would rather go on vacation with you guys for some things Well, yeah, dude safe because just same thing be like it would be so difficult to get it over She's not even home. She's She'll show right now. You said that You said that to her face, right? She's... You're not scared to say that with her in the room,

Starting point is 00:32:49 I can tell. I don't want the fucking dog to hear me right now. The dog tells her everything. You can get yourself into a Yamaha Jet Blaster, brand new, off the lot for about eight grand American. I would do that. I don't give a shit. I would pay that. The problem is, you got to get it.

Starting point is 00:33:08 You got to have a story. You got to have a whip. I mean, you got it. You're looking at a lot. Is it is it a difference between an ocean jet ski and a lake jet ski? Jeremy, maybe I'm done. We didn't have less of a clue, even as your resident. You're from water near me guy. Come on, dude. You're from South Florida.

Starting point is 00:33:23 Look, man, I we go to the beach sometimes, but I'm not taking advantage of, for example, like the air boats at Everglades National Park. Although I would say pretty cool experience. You'll see a lot of alligators. It's weird. I grew up in a suburb that was basically built right on top of the Everglades

Starting point is 00:33:42 by like the same type of designers or architects that would basically do like Disney. Like it was the most like Disney looking suburb you've ever seen. Yeah. Five minutes away is where they filmed Gator Boys. Five minutes away. It's crazy. Obviously, I know.

Starting point is 00:34:01 But tell Sean, what is Gator Boys? Oh, you don't know Gator Boys? It was a reality TV show about guys who were, I believe, training alligators at Everglades National Park, who then would do like alligator wrestling shows for people. I've seen it once before. Man, I've never sounded more Florida. My politics are very left. No, I love it.

Starting point is 00:34:21 Just letting everyone know. Just to be clear. Just to be clear. Just to be clear. When you told us your jet ski experience, we were able to put two and two together. Don't worry about it. Yeah, of course. I figured.

Starting point is 00:34:31 49% Floridian, 51% Jewish. I mean, I've been on a jet ski. You were born in. I was born in Florida. That's how you went to the- Like I had no choice. The bus picked you up at a jet ski stop. That's exactly right.

Starting point is 00:34:41 That's exactly right. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Blue Sky, Ian Carmel on Instagram. I K-Cooled you on YouTube. Watch my special, Comfort Beyond God's Foresight, available now on that very same YouTube, although it's on 800 Pound Gorilla's YouTube page

Starting point is 00:34:58 and not mine. So go check that out. Hell of use, man. It's pretty rad. So fun, the premiere was really fun, pal. Congratulations, that was, it was so fun. Thank you guys for hopping into that chat, by the way. Of course, man. We appreciated it.

Starting point is 00:35:12 People are digging it. Thank you for all the nice feedback from everybody. It's been awesome. It's really great. Go to New Orleans. Thank you, I was waiting for you to wait. It's really great. I know you were waiting for my compliment,

Starting point is 00:35:21 because they have complimented you, so I wanted to make sure I had a chance to. But yeah, it's great. I shared it with a whole bunch of people. All of the specials you guys have done recently are awesome. Obviously I'm a big fan. Girl Dad available now as well, by the way. We've mentioned the other two. You can still get Girl Dad.

Starting point is 00:35:34 That's probably going up on YouTube soon. Throw her up. Are you gonna do it on YouTube? I wanted to wait a year so I don't have the people who want it. I have waited more than a year. There's nowhere, yeah, I was trying to get 800 pound pounder do it, but I don't think that's happening So I think they want to have it from the root it to the Tuta. Yeah, I think so Yeah from the butter to the nut or what was it I said, that was the best text. I ever sell the Trotter No, I but you said you were talking about measuring your penis

Starting point is 00:36:03 Because even when I wrote it I I was like, David, you're a genius. I wonder if there are a few words. From the nutter to the butter? From the nut- Oh, from the nutter to the butter. It might have been. That's what it was. That's what it was.

Starting point is 00:36:15 He was talking about that shit and his dick was pooch. Now everyone listening is like- I see it from the nutter to the butter. Oh, man. David, for prez. That was a big day for me. And it was like, I was like on the couch with Alana and I'm like laughing and I tell her Man, oh, no, you can't tell others really ruin

Starting point is 00:36:34 about My work that's like, you know It's hard to explain that's the highlight of my day Discussions happen on the on the same thread. Yeah. But also from the gutter to the butter. Which is going to be Sean's next special. Make sure you check that out too. Keep an eye out for more.

Starting point is 00:36:56 Big scroll from the broken girl dad. Broken girl dad. Buy my book, T-Shirt Swim Club, available wherever books are sold or checked out, including your local library, support your libraries. And come see us in New Orleans. I don't wanna oversell it. Sell it, oversell it.

Starting point is 00:37:17 It's, you're fucking insane if you don't come to this. If you like fun. If you're anywhere near it. If you're anywhere near it. If you're not anywhere near it. If you're anywhere near it. If you're not anywhere near it. If you're looking for a good reason to go to, in my opinion, the greatest non-Portland city in the United States of America.

Starting point is 00:37:32 And I have to say Portland. You know I have to. New Orleans is- We are talking about a city that you should just go to in general. You should. But while this is happening, this is gonna be pretty dope. And now you have something to do during the day,

Starting point is 00:37:42 during the night, sports drink, so the lineup is insane. I like- It's all uptown. Yeah. I was just gonna, it's in a calm part of, it's not your idea of what New Orleans is. That's dope, but this is in a very low-key area.

Starting point is 00:37:56 You can park. And you can also get to that area, which is the, you can get to where the festival is, and then Bourbon Street is what? I will get there. 10 minutes away, yeah. I will get to that area. It's awesome. Yeah. We're so, so, so excited.

Starting point is 00:38:08 I can't wait. I love seeing Harper in New Orleans. I've seen him in New Orleans once. He's good at it. Oh, I can't wait. You know, me and Harper should take you to the Crawfish boil spot. I would love to go to Crawfish boil spot.

Starting point is 00:38:18 That we went to last time. Shout out to the three-legged dog. Just hit a Starbucks by there, but I'll be hanging you. Yo, that does actually sound like maybe the worst place to take you. I'd go, I went with you guys to Seattle, a couple different places. But like, those are the buggiest of the shellfish.

Starting point is 00:38:32 Yeah. I know they are. It's like, it's less meat even than the lobster. They're all like, matrix belly button bugs. I don't understand a second of it. It's insane to me. There's a lot of stuff I just can't even see the way you see things, but I totally get the shellfish thing.

Starting point is 00:38:44 I get the like, the crawfish. I'm like, yeah, it is weird. Someday we'll go to a bologna factory with you or whatever you want to do. They look like silverfish. All of that, but we could talk about silverfish all day, but instead, we are going to Fantasy Draft, a great topic. We should have gotten into it earlier,

Starting point is 00:39:00 but because it's so much fun, but you know, we got to, we do go on. We are here to fantasy draft a great topic. We should have gotten into it earlier, but because it's so much fun, but you know, we do go on. We are here to fantasy draft things we've lied about knowing. Yeah. What a great topic, Jeremy. I had a few come to Jesus moments in here.

Starting point is 00:39:16 Me too. I'm like, I'm gonna admit it. Yeah. This topic has been sort of one of the subtexts of the entire run of All Fantasy Everything. And it's good that we are finally getting together to play on a flag on it. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:32 I think the subtext of really just adult life. Of adult, yeah, absolutely. Adult life as a performer. Yeah, as a performer. I think, especially as a performer, but like, I think everybody's doing this, you know, yeah You're gone Wait, yeah, Jeremy's gone. The mics are good. I said I didn't like what you were doing. So sabotage

Starting point is 00:39:55 I take a squeege real quick. Okay squeeze. I don't know what that means when you say that I'm gonna go beat up Apparently his microphone and Pat Riley haven't been able to see eye to eye and Pat Riley has a sort of cut off the microphone and that's why we're not getting any audio from it. That's probably what's happening here. Jeremy, your response. No, so he agrees. He's nodding.

Starting point is 00:40:18 Are we still recording? Can you tell me about this Gout shit? Oh, okay. Let's stop recording now. Can you tell me about this Gout shit? Oh, okay, let's stop recording now. We had a short stop down and we're back now, not to the regular podcast, but to Gout Corner. Welcome to Gout Corner.

Starting point is 00:40:32 Ow! GC, GC. So, hey listen, we've all aged together on this podcast, although I have had Gout since I lived in Portland still. Uh, Uh, Dave, Dave, un, Dave,

Starting point is 00:40:45 I unacknowledged for a long time. A long, long time. Sean, David, you saw me go through it. I remember coming to the house sometimes and you'd have your leg up and you'd be like, it's fucked up. It's fucked up. Gout is one of the worst things that can happen to a person,

Starting point is 00:40:59 especially their joints. Is it in your big toe, David? It's, it's like, yeah, the joint of the big toe. Yeah. She thinks the vacation's, she was like, did you have a lot of alcohol and shellfish? And I was like, doc. Yeah, those are the two.

Starting point is 00:41:14 No, that's what I did. That's what I went down there for. Those are the big, those are the two big, those are the Bash Brothers, dude. That's Hawking Animal as far as gal goes. That and the organ meat. Oh, like liver and stuff? The meat has so much volume.

Starting point is 00:41:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no, I don't really do that. Okay, well, so probably the first two. The medications that I use for gout, I am on something called allopurinol every day and that just stops the gout from happening. Just stops the cold in his tracks. She said I don't need like medicine.

Starting point is 00:41:49 She just like, she hit me with the thing. She said, you should be fine. I got a follow-up in a couple of weeks. She said, you should be good. You just gotta like watch that shit. Yeah. Oh, great. And then like, I've never like had anything like that before just now, but you know, we're getting older.

Starting point is 00:42:04 I'm flushing out drinking tons of water. But you know, we're getting older. I'm 29. Just flush it out, drinking tons of water, tart cherry juice is good for it. That's exactly what she told me. I'm gonna get some from Walgreens or something. But if it comes back even one, there's also something you can get called colchicine, which knocks it out when you have a flare-up.

Starting point is 00:42:19 I keep that strapped on me like Jeremy has Walton. Keep that. God, yeah. I'm so thankful for health insurance. I know that people don on me like Jeremy has Walton, you know, keep it on. Yeah. I'm so thankful for health insurance. I know that people don't have it right now. I just, as somebody who didn't have it as an option for so long, it's just like, the fact that I can go, it's like one of the things

Starting point is 00:42:35 I'm the most thankful for. Absolutely. We here in Florida feel the same way. All of you. As a state. As a state, just generally I'm speaking up. You guys think it should be free, right? Yeah, that's right. I've heard All of you. As a state. As a state, just generally, I'm speaking up. You guys think it should be free, right? Yeah, that's right.

Starting point is 00:42:47 I've heard that about you. That has been Gout Corner. Anyways. Those are the medications I'm on. We're back, we're gonna fantasy draft things we've lied about knowing. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors,

Starting point is 00:43:01 played between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, shoot oh a rock against two paper Jeremy wins all right yeah first time guests almost never win rock paper scissors yeah that's really good that's a good omen for you that's a great omen good start Jeremy as the winner of rock paper scissors it isn't coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that?

Starting point is 00:43:28 That's a great question. It's like a Roomba in a really skinny hallway. Let's go. Brevity, dude. It's well done. Brevity Jordan, dude. It really is. That's actually delicious.

Starting point is 00:43:37 That is maybe your best short one. It's actually really good. Yeah, you nailed it. I just learned how to spell Roomba. I never lied about knowing how to spell it, but I didn't know how to spell it. I tried two different ways. It's R-O-O-M-B-A.

Starting point is 00:43:49 I wouldn't have thought that either though. I know how to spell it because I saved you. I tried R-O-O-M-B-A. I would have gone Mario. The dance. Yeah. Right, we're all going you first. But then I guess their idea,

Starting point is 00:43:58 if I'm putting my head in the marketing executive there, you put it in your room. Bro. Oh man. Wow. Room bruh. Room bruh. I got you a room bruh.

Starting point is 00:44:10 It's a different type of robot. It's Tuscany. Some hot dude to come sweep your room up, bruh. Oh, that's dank. That is dank stuff. Good stuff, what a comedy. We'll see Zach on the road. Great, so basically what it means

Starting point is 00:44:27 if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now Jeremy, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I think I'm gonna go David, Sean, myself, Ian. Hot corner! Mm-hmm. All right.

Starting point is 00:44:41 David, Sean, Jeremy, Ian, that is the order. We're gonna get to the first pick, which belongs to David, right after the short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Stitch Fix. Shopping is hard. I know I'm not splitting the atom when I say that. I know I'm not slicing bread when I say that.

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Starting point is 00:45:33 And when it comes to getting dressed, I put on 15 things, I take them all off, and I always end up in a gray T-shirt and a navy hoodie with jeans on, which, you know, that's all right, but sometimes I wanna bounce on the handlebars a little bit and I can't do that, so it's nice to have somebody that Stitch Fix can appoint, rather,

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Starting point is 00:47:03 This show is sponsored by Better Help. Now I want you all to do me a solid out there. I want you really to think about this. Think about anyone that you you find successful, that you deem successful, and I want you to think about if they've done it on their own. It's a real big thing and a common misconception that a lot of people they don't realize that everybody has had help. Everybody has a support system. Nobody has done it on their own, absolutely nobody.

Starting point is 00:47:32 And that is where therapy and using better help can come into play. I have met a lot of successful people, I'm sure we all have, and not one of them has done it on their own. Life is not a movie as much as the kids want you to think it is. Everybody needs help, everybody needs a support system, and that is a great thing to embrace,

Starting point is 00:47:51 and it's a good thing to understand about yourself. You always have to lean on somebody. You always have to have someone to talk to. You always have to have somebody to tell your problems to. And also when things go well, you always want to have that support system so you can tell And also when things go well, you always wanna have that support system so you can tell people when things are going well and they can support you and celebrate you.

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Starting point is 00:49:11 Yeah, we're back, welcome back to Hall of Fantasy, everything, the only podcast that has ever existed unless you're into baseball. And then you can listen to Jeremy's baseball podcast, which is called The Pitch Clock. It's called The Pitch Clock. The Pitch Clock. Yeah, check that out. I'm gonna listen to Jeremy's baseball podcast, which is called The Pitch Clock. It's called The Pitch Clock. The Pitch Clock. Yeah, check that out.

Starting point is 00:49:28 I'm gonna listen, I like baseball. Thanks, it's good for people who follow it sort of on surface level. We'll give you all the stuff you need to know. Oh, that's what I need. Yeah, this is a perfect way. You'll hear us having a good time playing baseball trivia and even though we know a lot about baseball baseball sounding like we don't know a lot about

Starting point is 00:49:47 baseball. And then I outsource the analysis to people who are smarter than me and ask them about baseball. So you'll get the top three or four storylines every week and then some trivia. This also lines up pretty great with my first pick then. That's great. Ooh, perfect. Shout out to those two false canaries. Yeah, there they go. Yeah, are we ready? David time for your first pick things we have lied about knowing about the blank this season. Oh Okay, yes, yes, yes dog That's good. It's Delta lounges. It's airplanes

Starting point is 00:50:24 That's good burs. It's Delta lounges. It's airplanes It's after shows if you're talking about the blank this season. I'm lying I'm taking social cues from you and I'm picking up on the three things I know about said team and I'm talking about that. I don't know who though I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Let me tell you obviously a sports guy, you know the fuck you're talking about. You're obviously a sports guy, you know. Sean and me, I think, are maybe closer on this, where it's like, I don't, I just, I don't know. I might know the name.

Starting point is 00:50:51 I don't know about my own fucking team right now. Let me toss you a scenario, all right? You're doing a show in Orlando, right? You're at the Plainlands, you get in the Uber, you're on your way to the hotel. I'm the driver, all right? Okay. Man, you've been following the Magic this season? Oh, what, no, I mean, I'm a driver, all right? Okay. Man, you've been following the Magic this season?

Starting point is 00:51:06 Oh, what, no, I mean, I'm a Nuggets fan, but like, I mean, how do you feel about it? Handled perfectly. You know, hit by, you know, pretty injury, injury plague this season, but you gotta be feeling good about what the Nuggets been doing the last three games, huh? Listen, man, I love man I love I love yokich. I think it sucks. Maybe that he's not from America, but

Starting point is 00:51:34 His brother scare me Because that is also uber and Lyft drivers will get racist as soon as you allow them to oh, yeah and Lyft drivers will get racist as soon as you allow them to. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. As soon as you be like. Or before, or before you allow them to. I, like, as soon as you're like, hey, I'm like a lot of, we're taking our jobs a little bit.

Starting point is 00:51:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll get your job. Fucking Canadians, it's your moment. So he's talking, while he's talking, I'm looking, right? And I'm on here and I'm like, I don't know, you guys like, I guess Suggs is cool. I don't really care about you guys too much. I think Suggs is okay, that's about all I got for you guys. Yeah, there you go.

Starting point is 00:52:15 You've looked up the right, you Googled Orlando Magic and you saw one head pop up and you were like, that guy was good. It is embarrassing the Googles I have continued to do to try to connect with other men on sports that I don't care about. And I feel so free right now even talking about this, because I just don't... I like, you know what? I was raised by a single mother.

Starting point is 00:52:38 You know what I like about sports? The drama. I like the drama. Ooh, Luca drinks too much. That's what I wanna fuckin' hear. I don't give a shit about stats. I don't. I don't give a shit about your stats. I wanna know who they're dating.

Starting point is 00:52:55 Yeah, I want BAC, not PPG. Come on, hit me up. And you know what? Honestly, to all you sports fans who I have fleeced, it makes me respect your sport less I don't know. I don't know. I'm just I'm saying nonsense and you're like there is a weird feeling when you get by I'll be your best friend off of that shit If you if you bully your bullshit your way into the right thing, I gotta be like, oh my god

Starting point is 00:53:24 It was good when you get that when you when he drops you off at thing, a guy will be like, oh my God, it was good. When you get that, when he drops you off at the comedy club and he was like, hey, good talking to you, brother. Yeah, yeah, and you're like, I did it. It's like, it's catch me if you can. You're like, I did it again. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:38 Yeah, it is. It is catch me if you can. You even, if it's not an Uber driver, if it's like, if it is a comedy club and you accidentally, if you do it to a manager if it's not an Uber driver, if it's like, if it is a comedy club and you, and you accidentally, if you do it to a manager or like a server there and then like that becomes your thing all weekend. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:51 Then it gets hard. Yeah. I've had, when I was bartending repeat customers, like I'd wear TC hats all the time. Oh yeah. Always talking about the twins and I'd have to just use my face a lot. A lot of expression, like bro, I can't even believe I'm going to grab this drink, but you keep going about it. Basketball and football are a lot easier for me

Starting point is 00:54:11 because just my friendships, the people I'm friends with and like my internet is like, it kind of is keyed to that. But like baseball is the one where it's just like, and I wear a lot of baseball hats and Hey, white people on planes. It's just a red hat. Yeah, right. That's a hard thing for white people to understand. They really have a tough time with that. I got a black Hawks hat or, or, uh, and they just, they look, you're from Chicago. No,

Starting point is 00:54:42 I just like maroon man. Dude, that Pittsburgh hat, some dude came running up to me at the farmer's market. Like maybe three months ago. Seriously. That's so funny. He was like speed walking. It's hilarious.

Starting point is 00:54:54 He's like, Pittsburgh, you from Pittsburgh? And I go, no, no. And he was just so, he turtled up. He's like, all right. You went to a game. Did you tell him you went to a game? Yeah, I saw skeins on the mound and then he went back up. Did you tell me that's a pierogi dog?

Starting point is 00:55:07 That's what I ask people about that all the time. Yes, every single time. Because people ask a lot, maybe because it's a weird hat, but they ask a lot, like, just why, like Pittsburgh? And I go, yeah, I mean, it's a Pittsburgh hat. Am I right? I used to be so mad, like, what are you asking me about? And it's like, no, I-

Starting point is 00:55:21 No, I get it. I aligned myself with this organization. If I saw someone in a Canaries's like, I, you know, you have to be from Sioux Falls. Dana and I were in Italy on our honeymoon. We did this thing on the Amalfi coast where we like got this boat tour, right? It was just the two of us in this boat

Starting point is 00:55:37 and we cruised up and down the Amalfi coast and they stopped at this beach that you can only get to like via the Mediterranean. And there's a restaurant there. Right? So we got off the boat. We went to this restaurant. Everybody spoke Italian. Like our boat driver had to translate. They didn't even speak enough English to get by. And you know, they brought up this fish. We ate the fish and like we were getting back on the boat and on the dock there was a woman wearing a Portland State University Vikings sweatshirt.

Starting point is 00:56:06 The college I went to, well you don't see, I don't see that in other parts of Oregon. Yeah, right, right, right. Wow. Nobody's rocking that merch. And I was like, hello, the Portland State University, look at us like here in this like far-flung corner of the world. That's crazy. And she looked at me like I was trying to get her number or something, you know what I mean? And she was like, uh, oh, I just bought this at a thrift store. And I was like, fuck you.

Starting point is 00:56:31 That sucks. At least be excited about this. That's what happens, man. It fucking broke my heart. It's not, it's not. This is the difficulty of being around- Loyalties for fools under capitalism. A lot of like really popular branded themes, right?

Starting point is 00:56:46 So like the Marlins teal hat is still, everyone rocks that still. Right, good rules. And then, cause it's awesome. But if I see it somewhere else, my assumption is never that that's a Marlins fan. And- It's just a black person. It's just, any, but yes also it's black person.

Starting point is 00:57:04 Unless it's Dontro Willis, you're out of luck. I have one in the cart a lot of times, sorry. It's just, any of them. But yes, also it's black person. Let's just don't throw Willis. No, I have one in the cart a lot of times, sorry. It's great. No, it's the best hat, I think, in certainly the best hat in Marlin's history, but it's one of the best hats in baseball history. That's not like the original hats, like a Yankees hat that is just iconic for being iconic,

Starting point is 00:57:23 but it's that and then Heat jerseys, right? Because like LeBron and Wade, that was an international thing. And so now- The Miami Nights, the Miami Nights color scheme is so cool and people are wearing that. Oh, it's awesome. When I was in Sierra Leone, you know how many off-colored Heat jerseys you see?

Starting point is 00:57:40 Everywhere. It's like, it's like, it's like jerseys that somehow never hit the market in America and they should in Africa. Shmada? Shmada, but like, like, shmada in the form of like factory variants. Oh, okay, I see, I see.

Starting point is 00:57:54 You know what I mean? Where you're like, I'm pretty sure, cause it has the double, it has the tackle twill or whatever, it has the double stitching, but it's like, it's like just a crazy color. So much heat, so many of the heat. Yeah, it's everywhere. Cause it's all LeBron and Wade.

Starting point is 00:58:06 A bimbo Coles Miami night's jersey? What the hell is this? Yeah, it's just like a neon green Bam Atabayo or something. Yeah. St. Patrick's Day edition? Excellent pick. Sean Jordan, your first pick. I lied for a long time about knowing

Starting point is 00:58:24 the Blair Witch Project was fake. I thought it was real for a while. How long? I mean, we're probably into like a year or two because there was no internet. So people tell me, they're like, you know that was fake. And I'm like, absolutely. And in my head, I'm like, you're a fucking idiot, dude.

Starting point is 00:58:44 They're still missing. You're the fool. I lied about that. Tell yourself whatever you need to to get by, brother. That shit was real. Yeah, whatever it takes for you to sleep at night. But I saw them die. And I saw that witch kill them.

Starting point is 00:58:58 I don't know what you saw, but I was watching a documentary about four unfortunate souls. That's so funny. That's so funny. Yeah, I lied for a while about four unfortunate souls. That's so funny. That's so funny. Yeah, I lied for a while about that. What sunk it in for you? What made it like, where you're like, oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:59:13 Beat down, I still barely believe it. I haven't watched it in a while, but I watch clips once a year, twice a year. I'll go down, it'll be like specific Blair Witch clips, and I'm like, that was pretty, that looks pretty real. They're doing a pretty alright job. You know something I've lied about seeing the Blair Witch project?

Starting point is 00:59:33 I never seen it through. Me either. You have to remember, like, Sean, you were also surrounded by like, Smith. So it makes sense that somebody could tell you something, and you'd be like, I'm not- You mean that guy we nicknamed Sean Smith? Yeah, Sean Smith. You mean the that guy we nicknamed Shawn Smith. Yeah

Starting point is 00:59:45 You mean the liar? Yeah You know, I love Smith Smith if you're listening you are one of my favorite people on the planet but Smith we've had some complicated conversations Arizona this is like that Phoenix has 15 million people Right where it's like that might not be sourced, bro. And whilst like, what was, anybody know when Blair Witch came out? 94? I wanna say 99, 98. Oh no, later than that.

Starting point is 01:00:10 Was it later than that? Yeah, 99. God damn, I was even old. Because I remember. I wasn't even a virgin. You know, I was. I was so virgin, I was watching the MTV rollout of the Blair Witch project alone. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:22 Cause I remember when it came out, MTV had a thing where they talked about it being fake. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't believe any of that. I was still afraid of scary movies when it came out. They, so they didn't say it was fake for like, they didn't say it right away. Because that was the whole thing.

Starting point is 01:00:38 People were like leaving the theater scared or whatever because they thought it was real. They loved the conversation around it, I think. I mean, that's the whole, that's the reason it blew up. So, and it was the first like found footage. It invented found footage, but. Did it? No, that can't be right. I think so. No, I'm sorry. I'm talking crazy. I don't know why I said

Starting point is 01:00:55 that can't be right. No, you're doing what I do. If it didn't invent it, it absolutely kicked off that wave, for sure. Pushed it into the forefront, but either way, I thought, yeah, I thought it was real, man. I don't know if I thought there was a real witch that was killing these fools, but I just didn't think it was fake.

Starting point is 01:01:10 For a couple years, you lived in a world where major motion picture theaters released snuff films. A little bit. That's where it wouldn't have gotten, that's one thing I've always been thankful for. I have a healthy distrust of the entertainment industry. Yeah. I don't believe any.

Starting point is 01:01:30 I did too for a couple years. I don't believe anyone has your best heart. I'm like, they're killing everyone. Your interest in mind. I don't believe that they're telling the truth at all. Sorry, we're on Die Hard 4? So this guy didn't die at all? Is that what you're trying to tell me?

Starting point is 01:01:40 Kind of sounds like, yeah, it's a good name. Sounds like a Live Easy. Start calling it Live Easy. I was on my tongue. Come see us in the big easy. Yeah, man. May 8th, 9th. Blair Witch, dude, thought it was real. Just so we're all aware, it's Cannibal Holocaust

Starting point is 01:01:56 is the first movie credited with found footage filming. That was before Cannibal. Holocaust. What year is that? 1980, 1980. Okay. My aunt loved that movie. I think they had the Cannibal Holocaust too.

Starting point is 01:02:10 Weird ant-boof. They had another one too. It's a weird thing to say anyone loves. My aunt loves white wine. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. My aunt is really into fish.

Starting point is 01:02:18 Yeah. She likes eating fishes. Mine did too, white wine and just some stranger's face. Yeah. Yeah, man. Jeremy Tache, it is time for your first pick. Your first pick on All-Famacy Everything. So initially I was gonna go with one

Starting point is 01:02:34 that I was grateful to be able to get off my chest, but it feels a little familiar to David, so I'm gonna save it. I'll go with, yeah, I wasn't sure between these two, but I'm gonna take some kosh, I'll throw it into the wind and say the dark web. The dark web. I don't know anything.

Starting point is 01:02:51 I don't know anything about the dark web. I don't understand it at all. I don't either. Really? Fuck no. I know there's the Silk Road. I don't know what it is. I don't know anything.

Starting point is 01:02:59 I don't know either. Like, how do I get there? What does that mean? I'm scared to type in the Silk Road in my computer so I've never done it. I don't know what your is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

Starting point is 01:03:09 I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

Starting point is 01:03:17 I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it browser. Yeah. That's all I know. My assumption is that the web pages are exactly like that.

Starting point is 01:03:26 I take it so literally, like, spiderweb in the background, it's dark, and there's nefarious stuff going on. In my brain, there's neon type on everything, on a dark background. There's always like a prompt blinking, you know what I mean, like at the end of every sentence? Yeah. It looks like how it used to look

Starting point is 01:03:40 when you would go to like Dragon Ball Z fanfic sites. And like, oh, what? Oh, there's the spinning on fire skull? Yeah, and like rainbow text. It used to look when you would go to like Dragon Ball Z fanfic sites There's a spinning on fire skull They have to use old DOS chat rooms because it's untraceable somehow in my mind. Yeah, nobody knows where you're at Yeah, I'm so glad that was a great pick. That's a great I don't even really know what the Silk Road is if we're if we're if we're keeping it a hundred percent on it I don't either. I watched a documentary with, I watched a documentary of it in the background while I sent emails. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:09 I watched the same thing and I still, I'm like, I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't understand it whatsoever. And in my brain, it's lime wire, but just dark. But other than that, like, but that's it. Night mode lime wire. Yes, night mode lime wire. Exactly, that's exactly right. Like on the dark web, that's it, that's all I know. Yes. Night mode limewire? Exactly, that's exactly right.

Starting point is 01:04:25 Like on the dark web, that's where that song that was like Justin Bieber, Lil' John, Mozart. It lives there. It's real. Right, I know. It's actually real. It's actually real, exactly. That's where you go to get that song.

Starting point is 01:04:38 It's like you take a weird version of the Magic School Bus to the dark web and you hear that song. That Willie Nelson, Nelly collab. Willie Nelly. Jennifer has a really good sex tape and you're like, oh, this is, it was real. It was real, man.

Starting point is 01:04:52 It was real here. Oh, man. Isaac, do you know what the dark web is? He must. He's gotta get off it real quick. No, I have no idea. Oh yeah, you were. Sean's right, you were just surfing it.

Starting point is 01:05:01 That's why it took you a second to click in. I mean, I can neither confirm or deny denied that line air you climb the dark web non denial denial promoviser Excellent picture me. Yeah, perfect. Thank you. Yeah, it was really good I texted these in my side cuz I texted my pics to myself. So let's go to the doctor. Hold on cool, dude Just a little just a little texture for everybody Your little texture little texture for everybody

Starting point is 01:05:28 Little texture for everybody, uh Okay, okay back to back the first one you mentioned it briefly earlier, but the biggest the most Prevalent lie I've told in my life About knowing something is having seen a movie Like About knowing something is having seen a movie. Oh, yeah like To the day I died to to be completely honest with you I made myself promise to stop doing it a few years ago, and then I started doing it again, but I did There's so many movies Do you know what stopped me from doing it?

Starting point is 01:06:06 About God damn, Nora? How do you even watch that? It's a good ass movie, you should see it. It was great, I saw it. I'm not lying, I did see it, I did see it. The thing that made me really stop doing it was being on this podcast and being like, there are, you know, tens of thousands of people

Starting point is 01:06:23 listening to this, hearing me every week, and I bet in one episode, Sean has talked about a movie, and I've been like, oh yeah, that was great. And then I bet in other episodes, I've been like, never seen it. And I was like, you have to start- 100% have done the same thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:38 I have to start being honest on here about movies I've seen. I have to stop lying to kick it. You can't keep track of the dark web of lies in your head. I can't keep track of the dark web! That's, that's the dark keep track of the dark web of lies in your head. I can't keep track of the dark web! That's the dark web! That's the dark web!

Starting point is 01:06:49 There's just a line from a league of their own rookie of the year. Yeah! I've seen both of those. I've seen both of those. Also, they know the movies we've seen because we won't shut the fuck up about them. Right, exactly. This is helpful for me because this kind of goes with a pick that I was gonna take,

Starting point is 01:07:08 which is all of the Rocky movies. And everything I know about the Rocky movies is simply from having listened to this podcast for the last several years and the weird shit you guys have said about them. It's that almost every action movie. I wish I would have known that. I've seen the Clubber Lang one once.

Starting point is 01:07:24 You would think it was canon for me I saw Creed on a flight and it landed right before the fight scene So I know I mean I can assume how it ends, but I don't technically know how it ends. This is really freeing I feel they get they make out and Creed they end up making out But they don't know about Rocky details for years if we knew that was what was happening Yes, the real stuff is crazy enough that you can fill any lies in. Where you're like, he fights Hulk Hogan in one of them.

Starting point is 01:07:49 That's real. But then you could also be like, he goes over Niagara Falls in a barrel for training. Yeah, see, I would believe that. Right, exactly. You could have said anything. I used you guys as the, right, exactly. It could have been like, I could see that as a follow-up to like a running on the beach montage earlier in the film.

Starting point is 01:08:09 Now it's like, alright, things are serious. But I've never, yeah, I've never seen any of them. You forgot how to take a punch, Ruck. So now you're gonna take a punch from a waterfall. Cut me, Mick! Yeah. You haven't seen any of them? I know all the references. I get it though. They're from the 70s, right? Yeah Well, this is hard. They're old movies and it's one that I'm warming up to a little bit

Starting point is 01:08:30 Which is that the first one is while a good movie not at all rewatchable and I think he might be right It's pretty slow. It sets the scene for the other for the whole franchise. I like it. I like it I like it bouncing that weird rubber ball. I don't know. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like him bouncing that weird rubber ball. I don't know. I do like the first movie. It's cool because he loses. I mean, that's the crazy part. I'm not fully on board with his take, but I do think it's less rewatchable than two, three, and four, which are some of the most rewatchable movies of all time, to be fair. Since this genre's off the board, because I had a couple,

Starting point is 01:09:00 I was like lied about this specific movie. Do you guys have a specific movie that pops into your head? Because mine's The Godfather. like lied about this specific movie. Do you guys have a specific movie that pops into your head? Because mine's The Godfather. I lied about it for decades. Like, I mean, forever. Because nobody nobody presses you because they're just like, of course, you've seen it. Why would we even ask? I lied about seeing the program.

Starting point is 01:09:15 If you go back to the early episodes of this, because remember, I saw it and I didn't like it. Right on par with The Godfather. Yeah. I've done it so much. I can't even keep track. In canon within my life. Remember, this movie, this show was so, you guys were so like the program and I'd be like, yeah. And then I saw it and I was like, I think this fucking sucks. Well, the one time you've been wrong on the podcast.

Starting point is 01:09:37 Well, you know. No, that sucks. If you listen to this podcast, I can fake my way through talking about Belly, but I've never even a little bit seen Belly. Okay, here we go. We've given you enough. There's only three key scenes. Let me say something.

Starting point is 01:09:49 I've never seen belly. I have never seen belly. I have never seen belly, and I know I've lied about it. So good. Wow. No one's lied about it on this podcast. It's so good. 100% sure I've lied about it.

Starting point is 01:10:00 It's not so good. I've never seen it. Sean, I've never seen it. It's not so good. We got to do a second of it. I know we talked about starting watchalongs again it. Sean, I know it's not so good. We gotta do the second of it. I know we talked about starting watchalongs again. Patreon, we'll do a belly watchalong. This is what we gotta do.

Starting point is 01:10:09 We gotta shake the movie. We should watch along all the movies we've lied about. That we've lied about. Belly at the top of the list. If you're watching it for the first time in your late 30s, dude, you're gonna have a good time. Okay, we'll do it. Sean really thinks it's a good movie.

Starting point is 01:10:23 It is a good movie. It's a music really thinks it's a good movie It's a music video it's a music video it is a music video I've been I'm lying about having seen it on more than 20 episodes. I bet it's Dog that's the same with the program like yeah, or I'm seeing all of entourage. I don't even alright guys I'm rewatching it right now. I watched some last guys were releasing right now. I Don't even really think it's a very good show. It's not. You just have to watch. I mean, I love it. I mean, I don't even, but I don't even really like watching it. I just love you guys.

Starting point is 01:10:54 It, wow. Oh, that's sweet. There was a whole other room at my birthday party that was just for Entourage. I know. I wasn't in it, but it was good. I mean, it was later. I just, I'm just telling you guys how I I feel I think it's kind of a stupid show It's every episode Because of how I feel about you guys. I've watched Outcome I've watched all of all entourage. I went all the way through. It's just because of you guys

Starting point is 01:11:22 I don't I don't think those guys are cool I think it's kind of sucks. I Agree with you on everything, but but the only difference is I like it It just hit me right I was 22 and I'm like, yes, bro. I'm just looking at Adam like that's us, you know, that's us Yeah, you were 22. I was eight. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm an old guy, you know. And I'm young. Late 40s now, dude.

Starting point is 01:11:49 Me and Jeremy are the same age. How old are you, Jeremy? I'm 29. Yeah, similar, similar. It's similar, David's a little younger still. All I've ever seen of Entourage is two of my friends who I would go over to their house about once a week when I graduated from college and I was living down here and didn't have a job and was trying to

Starting point is 01:12:07 just kind of figure it out and I'd go over there every weekend and they were watching entourage together. Yeah. And so once a week I would just pop in for like an episode or two, wherever they were within the show. And whenever I would ask like what's happened since the last time I watched, they were like, nothing. Oh Oh Aquaman and Ian there's about You know moments there were moments that I was like alright, this is what this is all based around

Starting point is 01:12:33 I know about that and I've heard you guys talk about it. So I get it sure this all works We are but we're the cliff notes for entourage and belly I will say I will say I liked ballers and I liked watching it with you my friends that I love I got was fun and I liked watching it with you my friends that I love. That was fun. I don't want you guys to feel that way. That was fun because we were all watching it together though. I watched that alone, I wouldn't have.

Starting point is 01:12:52 I think I still would have liked it. I probably would have liked it. You gotta have somebody to react to the Rock's best with. Casanteags picked me up. It was all so tight. He picked me up with his arms. We hung out with Casanteags. It was so rad.

Starting point is 01:13:04 That was one of the better nights we've ever had together. Our host Dan was in an episode of Ballers to deliver like one scene. One scene and he's smoking a cigar and it's the worst delivered line you'll ever see in your life. Don't do that to him, come on.

Starting point is 01:13:20 He says it himself. I would never be the one to throw him under the bus. Trust me, that's my boss. I would never throw him under the bus if he didn't want to be thrown under the bus Isaac is constantly throwing us under the bus. So that's it. That's that's my that's my idea The other day, yeah, what did I call you earlier? I feel like I called you something awful earlier Wait Oh, wait no We're talking about baseball Myers Leonard doing here? What's Meyers calling in? I can't even, I'm just imagining it.

Starting point is 01:14:06 Oh shit. Ian, turn your microphone on. Spit on it. Oh I can't even. Oh my gosh. Time for my second pick. Already? We're only an hour and 12 minutes. I know. How could we not? Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 01:14:22 Hour and 11, hour and 11. My second pick is something that I, Jesus Christ. How, uh, hour and 11, hour and 11. My second pick is something that I, if I'm being completely honest, am still kind of lying about to this day. But now I'm a little more open about it to where I say I don't understand what's going on. But for a long time I lied about understanding what's going on.

Starting point is 01:14:39 And I don't know where girls' pee comes from. Yeah, I had it too. Four holes is what I had. I'm not sure exactly which. I'm giving you a digital. I'm giving you a digital. I'm not sure where in the configuration it is. I don't know if it's above.

Starting point is 01:14:58 I know what it's not above. I think it's at the top. It's at the top. It's the urethra above the baby hole Called the baby Is this like you talking about gout Sorry, which one he is more qualifies that was off-air pre we were talking about gout Oh, yeah, David was asking me and then Sean came in over the top with a Acco a bunch of accurate information about doubt. Yeah. Yeah

Starting point is 01:15:30 But not necessarily Someone with firsthand experience, but definitely a lot of secondhand experience helping this boy. Yeah with it So it goes it goes Eurythra What's the hole called? You already blew it. Baby hole? Volva? What's it actually called?

Starting point is 01:15:49 Volva, I think? No. Isaac's trying to get more of the milk. Isaac's trying to get more of the milk. Isaac's trying to get more of the milk. Isaac's trying to get more of the milk. I saw it. Yeah, oh, here he comes.

Starting point is 01:15:56 Oh, check your cat's sliding up. Turn your camera on. Turn your camera on for this. You have to turn your camera on for this! Oh god. Did you just clean a bunch of them off the red leather? Is that why you're... Explain me! What the...

Starting point is 01:16:10 He's got a hose in his hand. Explain the vagina. Wait, I can't explain the vagina. I don't have one. He goes dark again. I'm a feminist. I'm an ally. What? I think a really good ally would have a more working knowledge of the... I would never presume to go into women's spaces and claim it as my own, you know, I think that's the thing you do the most

Starting point is 01:16:33 Anyway, I know it goes pee baby poop pee baby poop Okay, all right, we don't remember it girl dead pee baby pee baby poop, okay And then sex can be optional. I still feel like I should know. I feel, I've been down there quite a bit, you know? I too am a feminist. And I still don't really, don't really understand. Feminist or a fat guy?

Starting point is 01:16:58 Dude. That's so funny. That's another show that's gonna get, that's a show. That is so funny. You're like, I understand what I'm bringing to the table, all right? You're like, I'm about to go crazy. I can't go nuts right now. Isaac came on again, but he didn't unmute himself.

Starting point is 01:17:19 No, I got the, apparently the opening is just the vaginal opening. Okay, yeah, the Urethral opening, the vaginal opening, and then obviously the anus. Obviously. Oh, it was always like, you came to my hole in the wall restaurant, even though there's a Michelin star restaurant right down the street. Your baby hole in the wall restaurant.

Starting point is 01:17:40 You came in and my baby, well, I'm gonna cook you the finest meal you've ever had. Wait until, I'm going back in the kitchen right now. You should hear the whines on the house. Put your feet up. Oh my god. I'll fire up the grill. Just relax.

Starting point is 01:17:57 You wanna watch the Barbie movie while we you wait? How about you go nuts? I got it on 4K. Oh, that's funny. Feminist, fat guy. Jeremy, time for your second pick. I got it on 4K. Oh, that's funny. Feminist. That guy. Jeremy, time for your second pick.

Starting point is 01:18:11 So obviously I work in sports journalism and I've covered the Miami Marlins in baseball, the Miami Heat, basketball, the Florida Panthers in hockey. I covered their run to the Stanley Cup final. I was there for the parade. I had a beer poured on me by Ryan Lombard. It was the coolest thing that's ever happened. I've been interviewing guys for the past few years. Hockey. I don't know anything about hockey. Brother, let's go. And I have had to fake it professionally for three years. And it's such a, this is such a weight lifted off of me

Starting point is 01:18:45 to be able to reveal this to you guys right now. I don't understand anything about the game. I don't know what a war check is, what's icing. What are the walls? I think I understand offside. I think I get offside just because of soccer. I think, is that what it is? It's not the same.

Starting point is 01:19:00 It can't be the same. Doesn't feel the same. Doesn't feel the same. And some fights you get a penalty for a certain amount of time. Other fights you get a penalty for another amount of time. I don't be the same. Doesn't feel the same. Doesn't feel the same. I don't know what it is. In some fights you get a penalty for a certain amount of time. Other fights you get a penalty for another amount of time. I don't understand the difference. When can they fight?

Starting point is 01:19:10 Yeah, when can you fight? Why could they fight three times in nine seconds the other day during their All-Star Game? But yet if I'm watching in the Olympics they don't fight. It's really beautiful then. Come on! Who the fuck is Yammer Yager? Well, now as somebody who knows about mullets, let me tell you about who Yammer Yager? Well, now, as somebody who knows about mullets, let me tell you about who Yammer Yager is, all right?

Starting point is 01:19:28 A Pittsburgh Penguin, Sean Jordan's favorite hockey team, great, Yammer Yager. Florida Panther, great. Florida Panther, great at the end of his career. Yeah, he was everybody's favorite down here. And I knew all about him, but I didn't understand the sport that he played. I basically had to spend all my time

Starting point is 01:19:44 studying the narratives around the team but I didn't understand the sport that he played. I basically had to spend all my time studying the narratives around the team as to what was going on. The stuff you were talking about, David, that you like sort of the stuff around the actual game. Cause I didn't get the game at all. So I just had to ask these guys about the drama. P.K. Subban's a cool guy. Yeah, he's cool.

Starting point is 01:20:04 We're great. Hockey's great. H. Tsubong's a cool guy. Yeah, he's cool. We're great. Hockey's great. Hockey's great. So I loved it. It was so much fun. They won a Stanley Cup and I went to a parade on a beach in the rain and was interviewing people and it was the coolest shit of my life. And then the next day they left our network and I was like, this is the

Starting point is 01:20:20 absolute best case scenario. I got away with it. Oh, thank God. That whole season. Got away with it. I got away with it. Oh my God. You did your tour, you're in Vietnam. And it felt like that. You were like a dog in a motorcycle sidecar all season. You're like, I don't know what this is,

Starting point is 01:20:36 but I'm having a great time. Yep. That's exactly, honestly, that's exactly right. I was showing up and I was like, this is a party. This is great. I'm hanging out I'm walking around the the arena just interviewing fans about how much fun they're having and how cool Matthew Kachuck is and Everybody's losing their fucking minds and I didn't understand a thing about what was happening when I was watching him like alright

Starting point is 01:20:57 awesome, there's a goal I guess and I Understand that that guy is not playing goalie well, but I don't understand if it's his fault or anybody else's. Right. This is healing, guys. This is healing. That's like, that's like your job. That was your job. Yeah, it was a heist.

Starting point is 01:21:14 That's great. My justification in my own head was, I was like, I am well versed enough in both baseball and basketball, which are the ones that I'm actually focused on., there was no world when I took this job that I imagined that the Panthers would all of a sudden Go to the Stanley Cup and win a Stanley Cup. They have never been good in our whole lives They'll be they'll be okay. I'll be out there for a couple of events a year on The podcast that I was doing covering the teams.

Starting point is 01:21:45 I'm like, I'll just talk to the guys and I'll ask them questions that are like TikTok questions. Like I asked them if they knew about the Roman Empire back when that was a trend. Great. Of course, many of them thought about it all the time, which is unsurprising. And I faked my way through it.

Starting point is 01:22:01 It is surprising because I don't know the game. I'm so glad to be able to get this off my chest. When we were riding on the Golden Globes, they were like, can we get screeners? Should we see all these movies? And then we like determined in the room, it was like, most of the people watching won't have seen these movies.

Starting point is 01:22:17 So sometimes it's almost good to not be too in, inside baseball, inside hockey as it were, if you wanna like represent the audience, you can ask questions that are gonna be intriguing to anyone, is what I would say in a job interview. Good point, Ian. Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:36 Sean, time for you to make a good point. If you were, can you believe it already? Second pick. So it's, they're so close to each other. Let me know if I can pick. The pick is how to change a tire. But I also want to throw in my own oil. Cause I've lied, I've lied about that so recently.

Starting point is 01:22:57 I just had car stuff on this list also. Yeah, I think one's harder than the other though. Well, changing oil, I've never even. Changing a tire isn't that hard. I lied about changing a tire the first time. And then I couldn't get one of the nuts off. And I was like, I don't, I don't, I think my tires broken. So I called AAA and they came in there. Like you just got to jump on it or whatever. And so I lied about that. Oh, like it wasn't, it wasn't moving. Oh, well,

Starting point is 01:23:20 at least you didn't like jack up the car and then try to take the tire off. I probably done that after I knew how to take a tire off just loosen the nuts Are you supposed to loosen the nuts and then jack it up? Yeah while all the weights on it? Yeah Yeah, and then my oil I've lied about that in the last year I just can't think of it. I know people bring it up and I'm like, oh, yeah, I did it once in in high school But that's it. I never did it. I've never been under a car. I've never looked at the oil pan I've never ever once I don't know where the oil pan is neither. I've never said I do so many times I don't know why a car needs it

Starting point is 01:23:52 It lubricates the pistons. Oh That's the same No, it lubricates everything it lubricates everything. Yeah, it's because if youant. Because if you don't have oil and you're running through your engine, your engine fuses and everything fuses together. And that is from a single mom who didn't change her oil. Gross. And the whole shit in our Toyota.

Starting point is 01:24:17 Cracked the engine block. And I remember the mechanic being like, like he wasn't being mean about it, but he was like, this is why you need oil in your car. You have to. I told the general, I had a car, I didn't change the oil in once, never, the engine blew, and I told the general,

Starting point is 01:24:34 and he's like, what? And I go, yeah, never once change the oil. He just, the look on his face, he was just so bummed out. It's just, yeah, sometimes you don't get that. If you didn't learn it, you didn't learn it, man. When you have to tell somebody to whom it is important that you don't know about that stuff, it really, nothing feels more emasculating.

Starting point is 01:24:55 Oh, yeah, actually, I don't know what a carburetor is. Yeah, and they're like, like the generals, they're like flabbergasted. It's like you say, I don't know where girls pee comes out of. It's like an insane thing. I think the most embarrassed I've ever been on anything like that is that I hired someone on TaskRabbit to change the car battery.

Starting point is 01:25:14 Just to change out a battery. Oh, that's not good, that was a bad call. Yeah, it was rough, man. I don't know, I don't know shit, I'm not handy. But that's not even, that's like the YouTube that you could do. I just get so scared scared. I'm saying that because I'm I'm overcompensating because of the P thing I would have a task rather do it

Starting point is 01:25:38 Really, you know what I'll do whenever it comes time to jump a car I will figure out a way in the moment Yeah, I will figure out a way in the moment. Yeah, I'll just piss on it. I'll make you hide in an alley. I figure out a way in the moment to have whoever is there with me put the jumper cables on, because I'll never know which node to attach it to.

Starting point is 01:25:55 Laura does it every single time. If it needs to happen, I'm like, yeah, and I'll fake run to the back of the car, or I'll be like, oh, I gotta answer this email, whatever I gotta do to not attach the jumper cables to the battery. The amount of husband stuff my wife does around the house. Dude, same.

Starting point is 01:26:10 Lauren does all of it. I don't even know what our morning is. It's time to worry that the shit tips. Yeah. Where it's like, well, shit, you went to school, you went to work today and you fixed the oven. Yeah. Sometimes like the bedroom light will be on.

Starting point is 01:26:25 I better get to the gym. Yeah, that's... If like, I walk in the house. You come back in like, I was rapping 225 on Inclined. Come feel this, come feel this. Yeah. Come pump.

Starting point is 01:26:38 The blood swoll. The amount of times I gotta come back in and be like, I mean, skateboarding is a workout. She's like, she just did all the bills. I see all the emails and there's like, this bill paid, paid, paid, paid. And I'm out like, man, I wish I could still kickflip 50-50. I bet there's something she wishes would happen 50-50 too.

Starting point is 01:26:58 There he is. That's what the Golden Globes was looking for, not who's seen those movies. That kind of goes. anyway, so car stuff. It's more time for your second your third picks Oh second pick. This is I think that we can all relate to this as people who meet a lot of people. Yeah the last time we hung out I Don't remember it. Yeah, you're bringing it up and we clearly formed some kind of a bond and I'm sorry.

Starting point is 01:27:30 And you seem like a nice enough person and we seem to have some sort of like interaction that's mostly social media based, but we seem to support each other. We're on the same level professionally, but like I don't. I don't know what happened. Doesn't mean it's not important

Starting point is 01:27:44 or doesn't mean it didn't hit with me, but like sometimes they just take it away. I don't remember it. I don't remember it. One of the drinkings been involved too, and it's like that can smudge into, you know. Yeah, just, I ain't got it, and I'm sorry, and I'm gonna lie about it all night tonight.

Starting point is 01:27:59 Oh, that's right! I remember you were a ranch dressing ass motherfucker. I'm that's what I know about Rick Boy. He loves that ranch dressing. And the amount of times someone will come up and like, bro, and if they're excited and I'll and I'll just weigh I'll be like, what is up playboy? And I'll just go way over the top. Because you're as excited as they are.

Starting point is 01:28:21 And there's no way they're going to be, what's my name? If I do this. That's why I'm a- But when they do, you gotta respect it. You're like, you know what? Oh, of course. Oh, for sure. But that's why I'm a bro or man guy up front. Like I'm from the beginning,

Starting point is 01:28:35 even if I learn someone's name, I'm gonna call them bro or man or dude the entire night. So that that way, when I see them and I go, oh, hey dude, what's up? It's not an assumption that I don't remember their name. Absolutely. Also like, my man. Oh, he always speaks that way when I see them and I go, oh hey dude, what's up? It's not an assumption that I don't remember their name. Absolutely. Also like, my man. Oh, he always sees that way.

Starting point is 01:28:49 My man. Then it feels personal. What up, my man? Playboy is my, that's my, well now I'm sound, now I'm sounding fake. It's like, but that is the one. You also just call people Playboy. Yeah, yeah, but that's the one where it's like,

Starting point is 01:29:00 what's up, Playboy? That, you know, it's just fun to say. I have gotten better about this in my life. Like, it's not nearly as bad now as it used to be. The thing is, I genuinely have- Well, now I'll say remind me. Remind me your name. We have a lot of people who we meet,

Starting point is 01:29:13 and I also genuinely have a pretty bad memory. So, there's no shame in that either. If you're like, there's people who's like, I don't know. But sometimes you feel bad. You know what it is. You don't wanna make them feel. Absolutely, yeah. And it feels like trying to be better about it. I'm trying to disrespecting someone's personhood I don't know. Sometimes you feel bad. You know what it is. You don't want to make them feel, absolutely. Yeah. But I'm trying to be better about it. It feels like you're disrespecting someone's personhood.

Starting point is 01:29:27 Yeah, absolutely. We have this, we have this experience. We have this experience. Because some people, some people, it's like, you know, you're talking about an eight, 10 hour hang. Yeah, for sure. Depending on what my age was. Sometimes it was like we were together

Starting point is 01:29:42 till seven in the morning. You know what I mean? And we did something. Like something happened. Like there was a fight that night or something. Like it should stand out. But yeah, so the last time we hung out. I don't know my neighbor's name.

Starting point is 01:29:56 Me either. I text Laura people's names. Just like I just met this dude at daycare. One of the girls, Max friends with, her dad, and I go, hey, this girl's dad's name is this. And I'm like, so now it's just her? I'm stealing that for sure. That's genius.

Starting point is 01:30:13 We're helping people. If you have it documented somewhere, because you can key search like you did earlier, you can just keyword search, because I know the kid's name. And it'll stick in your brain. You can just type in it, right, exactly. Like helps that out.

Starting point is 01:30:24 That's great. And your third pick. The weather, I'm always lying. It's always been a lie. It's always will be a lie. What does that mean? I don't know what it was like yesterday. I don't know what it's like tomorrow.

Starting point is 01:30:38 I didn't remember. I don't know, I don't care. I don't know, I don't know what it's been like. I don't know what it's going to be like. You're talking about. I know it's nuts. It's not. I thought we were being real. We can't. This is the circle of trust. Yeah, I'm sorry. We're in the trust group. We're in the trust group.

Starting point is 01:30:54 I'm always I'm always I'm always people are like, oh, you remember last winter? Yeah, last winter was a bunch of. I know I see. I see. I know what I'm talking about. We got dumped on a year ago and you're like, yes. I don't know. Oh, I see, I see, I know what I'm talking about. We got dumped on a year ago and you're like, yes. I don't know. Oh, usually, but then by April, then it starts to warm up and you're like, ah, that's that Colorado weather. I've been here since I was fucking 14.

Starting point is 01:31:15 Now I'm with you. I see what you're saying. Now I'm with you. I don't know. I don't follow weather patterns. I live in LA, but you know why? Because it's the same weather all the fucking time. Even here.

Starting point is 01:31:25 So we don't have to talk about that shit. Here too. People will be like, oh man, this is the first time it's rained in like eight months, and I'll be like, yeah dude, crazy. I don't know. I'm a piece of shit though, so I'll be like, yeah, remember when it rained eight months ago?

Starting point is 01:31:38 That was crazy. I was like, this hasn't happened since 16. You're like, do I need to get an umbrella? Because I just want to be friends with uber drivers because That's the most that I meet strangers Yeah, it's what's crazy to me about uber drivers is how they want to talk cuz I don't I wouldn't even know it ever less than to talk Mm-hmm, but if they're in I'm in that is how you feel

Starting point is 01:32:00 We like sometimes do you ever get in where you're like you're messing with your phone or you have your headphones in and They want to talk and you're like single. All right. I'll just give it Yeah, this is it. I take I don't have it in me. I don't have that. I can't just stoneball someone. I can't Be like what's that's crazy to do we're people I'll lie to you about weather patterns I don't track any weather patterns. I remember what it did in the last week. Other than that, I'm not relating. I'm sorry, man.

Starting point is 01:32:33 I didn't know what you were talking about at first, and this is a great pick. Great pick, yeah. Right? I really thought about it. I really thought it out. I really thought about it. Fantastic.

Starting point is 01:32:43 Sean Jordan. Oh, I forgot to take a break earlier. No, I didn't, I did take a break earlier. No, you did, I just wanted to have a second one. All right, well, whatever Isaac wants, Isaac gets. We'll be right back with more of that podcast, that zany podcast, All Fantasy Everything. This episode of All Fantasy Everything

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Starting point is 01:34:27 PIC 6 credits that expire in 14 days. Limited time offer. See terms at pic6.draftkings.com slash promos. Hi, and we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything already in progress. We've been having a great time so far. Fantasy drafting, things we've lied about. Sean Jordan is about to make his third pick.

Starting point is 01:34:46 Let's listen in, see how it goes. I lie about knowing how to do the Heimlich. Oh. Ask someone you should fix. They should call it the Heimlich. I mean, I know the idea, but I don't know exactly what to do, where to find the,

Starting point is 01:35:01 I would just start squeezing the shit out of someone in rhythm. You know? You have to come below the xiphoid process or something like that. It's supposed to, but I don't. Up and under, I don't know it either. I don't know. I was lying about that, what I just did.

Starting point is 01:35:14 I was trying to seem better than you. I mean, the xiphoid process is like, is the, I think you squeezed it, but I don't know, there's like ways to do it, and the whole like, you break a rib thing, if you broke a rib, you're doing it right, but I don't know. There's like ways to do it. And the whole like, you break a rib thing. If you broke a rib, you're doing it right. Like I don't know. I don't even know if that's true.

Starting point is 01:35:28 I think it's pretty intuitive, luckily. Cause it's really just, it's between the belly button and the rib cage and you wanna pull up and that's it. And that's how you hit, you wanna hit the diaphragm. It would be, it would be tough to have to do. I honestly think. If somebody, yeah, if he was going to, I think he could do it on a, this is fucked up,

Starting point is 01:35:46 I think they could do it on a skinny guy. If somebody was fat, I think I would fuck it up. Interesting, but you could go harder on a fat dude, we know that. Yeah, but it's like, you know, everything's like kind of mesh in here. Mm-hmm. Like on a skinny guy, it's like, you know where it's at.

Starting point is 01:36:00 To find the aforementioned xiphoid process. If you just go right above that belly button and hook pull up, like, cause what you're trying to do is force air xiphoid process. You just go right above that belly button and hook pull up. Like, cause what you're trying to do is force air out of the diaphragm. I think I would do it on a chair. Isn't that a way to do it? You can do it on yourself on a chair. If you're ever choking yourself, you're supposed to like, come.

Starting point is 01:36:16 Supposed to beat off, right? Get that last one in. What are you doing? I can't. Trying to choke myself like Jack off. I spent so much money on steak this month, it's crazy. This is the only way I can finish. Get some venison down my windpipe

Starting point is 01:36:42 and I'll have a good night. I lie about knowing how to do the high. We had to do, did you have to do like baby CPR classes and all that? We had to do that. Yeah, we did. Yeah. They give you the dummy and that's, boy, you wanna talk about some like weirdly depressing shit

Starting point is 01:37:02 and also the most attention I've ever paid to anything, because we had to take all those classes on Zoom, because they just weren't doing them. And where I'm just like, it's just so weird taking, like there was a study book and everything, I'm like, I didn't do any of this in school. I didn't ever look at my books in school. I could open the page and just be like, sure,

Starting point is 01:37:20 the book's open, but I never looked at what they were saying. I was paying- You were locked in, yeah. I was so locked in. But I never looked at what they were saying. I was paying- And you were locked in, yeah. I was so locked in. Then you look at all these other clueless parents on the Zoom screen, you're like, man, everybody, we all know what the fuck's going on.

Starting point is 01:37:33 Everybody's a worse parent than me. Yeah. You do find that out pretty quick and it's comforting. Jamie, do you have kids? I don't, I don't. Me either. Couple cool guys. Yeah, everything I know about raising kids comes from the two of these guys. I've never learned anything else

Starting point is 01:37:47 Yeah, just like just like rock. I don't know if I pay too much attention Look to some others Expand your horizons. Maybe listen to noble blood see what Dana says. That's what I perfect This sounds weird if I found out like let's say I found out right now my lady was pregnant, I would text Sue. Smart, yeah dude. You would text Sue. I would text Sue.

Starting point is 01:38:13 That's great. I had her up quite a few times when Max, early on when Max was like sick or even going into the hospital, Sue, she hooked us up with her homies. Like it was legit. They came in and they're like, hey, we know Sue. And the comfort that washed over me was like something else.

Starting point is 01:38:30 I never. The nurse mafia. Yeah. Cause every time you get that Sue text, it's like a warm, it's just, it's nice. I love you mom. She's half the reason. Some of these shows she'll text me afterwards

Starting point is 01:38:42 and she'll just give me like such a reaffirming you're good at this. And you need to hear that sometimes. It doesn't matter if you did. Because the world is not gonna give it to you. Sounds wonderful. No. Not to be weird to you,

Starting point is 01:38:53 but can I get your mom's number? Yeah, for sure, dude. Yeah, she'll reach out. You'll get a blue sky from her on Twitter or whatever she's on now. I don't think she's on Twitter. St. Sue. She's wonderful, St. Sue.

Starting point is 01:39:04 And Instagram at least. She's wonderful, St. Sue, in Instagram at least. Heimlich, excellent. Jeremy Tashay, time for your third pick. Judaism. Okay, I'm in. So I'm in. I'm in. I am Jewish.

Starting point is 01:39:20 I am Jewish, 100% Bar Mitzvah and everything. That was when I was 13 and I don't go to temple. It's been a while. I kind of got to dust off the knowledge and I don't have it. I don't have it like that. I get asked questions and I answer the best I can and I hope that they don't talk

Starting point is 01:39:42 to another Jewish person about it. It's the best I could do. There that they don't talk to another Jewish person about it. It's the best I could do. There are people down there who are like, no, no, you can eat pork on Tuesdays. I talked to Jeremy about it. It's all good. Oh yeah, for sure. I kind of want to do a little bit of that, which would be start just lying to people and say, because at this point, I mean, what's real? So it's like, I could just start, I could just start putting things out there that are like really nice, like good things, but random and weird.

Starting point is 01:40:10 We, that saying there are levels to this is like so fucking true when it comes to Judaism. Like my wife, my wife grew up in Highland Park, Illinois, which is like more Jewish than it isn't, you know? It's like a majority Jewish area. So she, like when she was 10 to 15, there wasn't a week and she didn't go to a Bar Bop Mitzvah. It's like that.

Starting point is 01:40:31 Same though. But see what's crazy is I grew up in a super Jewish area in South Florida, but it's a lot of like reform Jews. So it's a lot of like the kind of the lowest level or denomination, right? She's doing prayers and Shabbat. Are there levels of denomination? Well, I guess that's the wrong way to describe it.

Starting point is 01:40:48 But it was the low, it's like, it's reformed, conservative, Orthodox is basically the three sort of ways you'd look at it. And it was a lot of reform Jews. So yeah, when I was 12 and 13. It echoes Beastie Boys, Woody Allen, Monacham Beggin. There we go, explain it to me like that. Modest Yahoo in three different phases of his life. That is, yeah.

Starting point is 01:41:06 Yeah. It's Modest Yahoo, Woody Allen, Beastie Boys. That is like the order. That's the order. That's the order. That's the order. You got it. Yeah, you got it.

Starting point is 01:41:16 You nailed it. And yeah, I was going to, my social life was never better than the seventh grade. Like I was going to Bar Mitzvahs and Bar Mitzvahs every weekend, and I mean, multiples of them. It was absolutely out of it. I would give you a money clip like, I gotta go, Karen. I can't, I gotta go.

Starting point is 01:41:31 What do you... I have to be at that bar mitzvah. It was so crazy to where it was like, we would go, we would go to multiple parties a night. Like, and it was our parents picking us up and driving us places. So like, it'd be like, oh, my mom's gonna take me, Zach and Danny to this bat mitzvah. But then at

Starting point is 01:41:47 nine o'clock, Zack's mom is gonna pick us up and bring us to the other bat mitzvah. Wow. That's exciting. You know, you take instead of an Uber to get there. Don't. You have your mom pick you up. Really, what do you think I was gonna say? That's not a good idea for you to do it. You take a jift. I don't know. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap.

Starting point is 01:42:10 Clap. Clap. He's only gonna done it. He's only gonna done it. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Starting point is 01:42:17 David didn't like it at all. A jift is good. He's clearly upset. Oh, I got a cramp from laughing at that. No, I was scared to say it. Oh. And got a cramp from laughing. No, I was scared to say That's why I was hurt oh Yeah, dude Judaism for sure like there's stuff my wife that and like oh My god when my rabbi came over for our like not the breast the naming ceremony we had that circumcision done at the hospital, but

Starting point is 01:42:43 He you know like like Dana's family are also like reform Jews. I went to technically a, it was technically a conservative synagogue, but like very liberal conservative. It's also, you're in Portland. What does reform mean? I'm in Portland, yeah.

Starting point is 01:42:55 You know, it's a little different. Reform, it's like in a conservative one, they still enforce a lot of like gender differential. And in a reform synagogue, you might like have a female rabbi and there's a lot of gender differential, and in a reform synagogue, you might have a female rabbi, and there's a lot of acoustic guitar and like that. My aunt is a female cantor that plays acoustic guitar. Right.

Starting point is 01:43:12 So that's how that works. Yeah, exactly. It's like a hippie who plays acoustic guitar is your cantor that sings all the prayers. Yeah. We even had a band. We were basically a church. Yeah, perfect. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:43:24 I do like that. We even have a band. Yeah, perfect. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. I do like that. We even have a band. Yeah. It's called We Are the Vignant. Otherwise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:43:33 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:43:39 Yeah. Oh, and like our rabbi was there and like sang prayers where he clearly expected everyone to join in and like our rabbi was there and like saying prayers where he clearly expected everyone to join in and like, it was pretty much just my 90 year old grandma. I used to get so nervous at, cause when we have like the religious holidays in Judaism, there are certain ones where there's like more prayer involved and certain ones where there's not. And so on Passover, what they would do is they would have all of the kids like read

Starting point is 01:44:07 the story of Passover, but you're supposed to, you can read it in Hebrew. And so our asshole generation above us was like, yeah, we're going to put all these kids on the spot and make them read Hebrew when they're of age. And I used to panic. I hated it. It was the worst and I already didn't like reading out loud in English, let alone putting it in Hebrew. Right. You're like, oh my god. I barely know this language. I don't even know this and I'm supposed to embarrass myself in front of my entire family?

Starting point is 01:44:38 I'm supposed to be the high achiever. The Clutchest Passover books had the Hebrew in English phonetically. Yes. Oh, the best. That was the best, and that's rare. I don't know why it's so rare. Yeah, that's what it all should be. That is an excellent pick, Judaism. Thank you. Perfect.

Starting point is 01:44:56 Time for my third and fourth picks. With my fourth pick, I'm going to take, oh, my third pick, I'm going to take Jeopard third pick I'm going to take jeopardy answers that shit that's good a lot of them okay I know I want to be up for you've seen me I know what they're with you and got mad at you for knowing too many and there are ones where the person will say it and I will start saying it half a second after as though I knew it.

Starting point is 01:45:33 That's great. And sometimes what it is, is that the information is in my brain and the little guy in my library can't find where he put it. 100% relates to this. It's the most frustrating shit where they're like, Missoula and you're like, Missoula, I knew it was Missoula. I knew that, I knew Missoula, yeah.

Starting point is 01:45:48 But I can't get to it and I will front like I knew it. Like I had it at hand. And yeah, I do it, I gotta come clean. I'll do that where I even nod along and so they give the answer and I give an affirming nod as if like obviously like I knew that you saw that that was in my head you started a second later than they started it you know what I never need again is somebody going like

Starting point is 01:46:16 I was gonna say that then say it I when people when they get the answer and like gosh I should have said it you're like're like, don't do that. Don't do that to me. This feels very personal for you. I just hate it. People do it on Jeopardy. You feel upset. Name names. I got strong opinions on Jeopardy because people, they always do that.

Starting point is 01:46:33 I'm like, what are you worried about? Looking stupid in front of me? Say the answer that doesn't make any sense. I do it all the time. It's how you learn. You gotta feel stupid. And then it hits when you know you're stupid. My wife was on Jeopardy.

Starting point is 01:46:45 And so for a long time, when she knew she was gonna be on, we were watching Jeopardy and I was not allowed to answer. Because she needed to like- Training. Yeah, she was training. So I was like not allowed to answer. And there were a lot of times at the end of a round, I swear to God I said this and it's so embarrassing.

Starting point is 01:47:02 I'm like, I knew probably like 95% of those. I'm like, I knew probably like 95% of those. I'm like, I knew probably like 95% of those. I'm like, I knew probably like 95% of those. I'm like, I knew probably like 95% of those. Protect your heart, King. The feel the need to do that with your wife is great. Protect your heart, King.

Starting point is 01:47:12 Protect your heart, King. Protect your heart, King. It's great. No one else is gonna know. It's just you and her. No, just her. Yeah, I knew most of those. Did you know those?

Starting point is 01:47:21 I knew most of those, yeah. I didn't wanna say, because I didn't wanna make you feel bad. Time for my fourth pick. With my fourth pick, I'm going to take how to do a lift at the gym. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 01:47:34 Oh. Oh. Brother. You're strapping your hands on that. Do you look, here's what I do. Do you look it up on YouTube? Do you look it up on YouTube right before you do it? That's what I do on my phone For shorts YouTube shorts. Yeah. Yeah, let me see this

Starting point is 01:47:49 Let me see the shorts on how to do lateral raises that buff Asian dude from Men's Health magazine David's headphones off. This fucking guy! You can't just tell me how to do it! You can't just tell me how to do it. No! No, no, no, no. You can't just tell me how to do it. You have the you who's buff, who comes in and does it, and then you have the you

Starting point is 01:48:16 who's buff, look at him and say No, no, no. And then the you who's also buff, do it! And you don't answer it for me. You don't answer it for me Buff asian man That shit kills me Hold on for those of us who are in the iron church everyday

Starting point is 01:48:36 I'm not clanging a bang in like you two. What are you talking? I've been lifting a shitload of weights lately Yeah, throwing that shit around doing doing like Bulgarian deadlifts and all this shit. And it's always that guy. And that fucking guy, man. He's so hot. So he's a popular Asian YouTube dude who weightlifts. He'll do a thing.

Starting point is 01:48:54 He works for Men's Health. He'll, he'll, he'll post a video and it'll be like, it'll be like, it'll be like him doing like incline, incline, let's say it's incline bench in a way that you think that you do incline bench. And then he's all buff and he's doing it. And it'll be like when you see someone do an incline bench like this, and he's doing it, and then he cuts to himself in a more in a more revealing shirt, looking at it and being like, Okay, in a more revealing shirt, looking at it and being like. OK, it's like it's like it's like it's the most it's the most in both roles. But then it but then it cuts back and then he does it a different way. It's like the most confusing shit. Man, I'm so glad you said that. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 01:49:41 I'm so glad you said that. That's that this has been fucking me up on the reg in real life. Man. Ebenezer. Ebenezer Samuel. Ebenezer the weightlifter? Dude. You knocked David's headphones off with that. There was so much shit that I didn't,

Starting point is 01:49:57 this is me the fuck off. So am I not supposed to do leg presses? Cause that's the one thing buff guys tell me I'm good at at the gym. That's why I keep coming back. Because buff guys are like, you're good at leg press. Right, because you can impress the buff guys. Yeah, I wasn't going to come in on Wednesday.

Starting point is 01:50:16 I wasn't going to come back. And that buff guy's like, hey, your legs are strong as shit. And I was like, hey, it ain't nothing, dog. I guess so. But in my heart, I came home and I was like, hey, it ain't nothing, dog. I guess so. But in my heart, I came home and I was like, baby. Baby. Baby. Get your jacket, we're going.

Starting point is 01:50:31 Shut the fuck up about these turkey burgers. I got something to say. That'll do you for like a month though. One rep, one rep the Buff Guy telling you, that'll get you back to the gym over and over and over again. A buff guy says you got a good game? That's as good as it gets. Do you think the buff dudes know

Starting point is 01:50:50 how powerful they are at the gym? Like with that, where they can just like. I don't. I think they're kind of stupid. You don't think so? I think so. I think they know what they got in the gym, but they don't, because that's the only way before, that's the only way you do it out in the world

Starting point is 01:51:03 where you're like, I've met James Corden. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool, 325. He knows who I am, dude, all right. I was in the gym the other day

Starting point is 01:51:16 and there was a couple lifting together and all I wanted to do was kill the guy. And I was like, that's how I know I'm a hater. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna kill this dude. I also don't wanna be at the gym with my wife. That ain't where I go either. It's how I know I'm a hater. Yeah. Yeah. I want to kill this dude. Yeah. I also don't want to be at the gym with my wife. That ain't where I go either. Bro, I told a lot of that the other day. Like, if it's like maybe you do cardio and I'm downstairs

Starting point is 01:51:34 or we vice versa, I don't want to hang out with you at all in there. And it's not for the reasons I think she would suspect, which is like, oh, you just want to like look at Hawker. It's like, no, I'm embarrassed a little bit like I kind of yeah I don't want to think about anyone thinking about me while I'm at the gym exactly What's the reason I don't go to the end begin with person that person I love I don't want you to see me trying my hardest I I hate that you have to see me not all the time to be completely honest Yeah, I hate to see me in that vulnerable position

Starting point is 01:52:05 I don't also want you to see me trying to lift heavy things and sometimes not doing it Yeah, I can't we got we got to live together baby girl. We got live together. You can't Can't see my what my face does when I't, and the guy next to me is pounding out 85s because he's on a fucking date. You psychopath. I'm not. That's a crazy place to stay, so. Yeah, I don't.

Starting point is 01:52:35 My clothes are all baggy at the gym. You know, I look like Adam Sandler. My shit looks crazy. I look nuts. Love my girl though. Oh yeah. Jeremy, time for your girl though. Oh yeah. Jeremy, time for your fourth pick. All right, I think I'm gonna go with

Starting point is 01:52:51 pre-World War II history. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. I actually like history and know enough about pretty much everything up to World War II. Get before World War II and I'm bullshitting you that I actually know what we're talking about. Yeah. You know, I can kind of get by in the conversation.

Starting point is 01:53:18 Yeah, Reconstruction. Yeah, the roaring 20s. I don't really know what was going on. Yeah. I know just about it. Give me, give me like the thirties and then beyond. And I've got a pretty good comprehension of it, but I'm going to fake my way through everything else. I know some tent pole presidents. Yeah. I don't know anything that happened in between them.

Starting point is 01:53:34 Yup. That's exactly right. And I'll tell you the 1800s are other than the civil war. Yup. If you're like, what's one thing that happened in between 1860 and 1776? I'd be like... We went from loincloths to... Harriet Tubman.

Starting point is 01:53:50 Alexander Hamilton was in there somewhere, right? The war of 1812. You're like that. The war of 1812. That's mine. He's like, yeah, yeah, Harriet, yeah, both of us. Get your own. The Jeopardy dude.

Starting point is 01:53:59 W.E.B. Dubois. Yeah, that is a good, man, that is a good one because everybody, a lot of people think he's like one of the, I've gone down a bad W.E.B. DuBois lately where I'm like, man, I really should know what the fuck this man was talking about. Yeah, I only know that his name was W.E.B. DuBois,

Starting point is 01:54:18 and that's about where it starts and ends with me. The souls of black folks. But I think this is also why there are so many people who think Picasso was from the 1700s and not alive in the 90s, is because we all don't know what happened then. So if we can't put someone in a specific spot and they have a name like Pablo Picasso,

Starting point is 01:54:37 we're just gonna throw them back there. It was like 1790, right? We talked about that like a year ago. Like he could've listened to Aerosmith. That was our thing, right? People, I think people just confuse him with Vincent van Gogh. I think that's the big thing that happens now I think it's just a big name That was dismissive what I'm saying is I think it's like when you hear a big name in art unless it's like

Starting point is 01:55:01 Andy Warhol or yeah, and a. You assume that they're all old. You just kind of, that's how you exactly write. Unless they're like known for being current. Like those two. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like Eminem. Like an Eminem for an example. An artist. Damn it, Sean.

Starting point is 01:55:19 That's why they call it window pan. I'm gonna start working them into every shoe. That's not what I know. I love that. Like the only thing I think I know that happened in the 19, would it be the 19 aughts? How does that work? 1900 to 1910?

Starting point is 01:55:33 It's the Red Sox, or the Cubs won a World Series in there. 1908. And I only know that because it had been so long since they had won a World Series. And that's just about all I know about that time. Allegedly. Right. That's what they tell all I know about that time. Allegedly. Right. That's what they tell us.

Starting point is 01:55:47 Show me somebody who's not happened. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth pick. I lied about how to eat edamame for a long time. For real? I would just eat the whole, I put the whole thing in there. You didn't cup the balls? Well, I remember one time with the ex,

Starting point is 01:56:05 she cooked, first time I'd ever even seen it. And she's like, it's edamame, and I'd cut her. I'm like, yeah, yeah, and I just put it in, and she's like, you take the thing out. I go, no, I eat it this way, and I'm like, never even seen this. And I'm just chewing on it and chewing on it. Like, it don't go anywhere,

Starting point is 01:56:19 and so I had to remove myself and spit it out. And then I came back and I was like, yeah, I ate it. You know what I mean? Just, I swallowed it. And you don't. You do not do that. You had that one edamame that night and that was it? Uh huh. That's all I touched. But then I lied about it. I mean, it came up because Laura made it the other night and I was like, you just, you can just eat this whole thing, right? Still. And she goes, no, you push it out. And I go, oh yeah, I haven't really been around

Starting point is 01:56:43 it that much, but I lie about it for sure. So I like that one. Just cause that shit. It's not like eating a banana peel or something where like you can eat those. They'll go away. Those edamame is there like, you say it's not like eating a banana peel. I've never tried it, but I have a feeling I could chew one up and it would get

Starting point is 01:56:59 mushy and probably the set of mommy didn't. It was like chewing on plastic or something. It just, it stayed how it was. I remember it, because everything with her was like defiant. I was like, god damn it, I'm blowing it left, right, and center with this girl. You just had to heart swallow an Eta Mame peel? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:57:17 Is that how it is with the person you end up with? It's the person you thought you blew it with the most in the beginning? Maybe, I mean I blew it with, I bring it up to Laura all the time. That's how I feel about my old lady. I'm like, man, I was fucking blowing it. Man, I'm doing that, maybe I'll pick it last.

Starting point is 01:57:32 Maybe I'll do, okay, I got one. I got a new last pick. I'm gonna take it first. You don't, no you're not. You know what it is. Well, I'll do it, I'll just say it's no one wanted it. No, you go before me, you go before me, you're good. Take it last, David.

Starting point is 01:57:44 Time for your fourth and then your final picks. Okay, oh, fourth, animal ownership. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't know shit about cats. I don't know how to change their food. I don't know about dogs. I don't know about training them to be inside. I don't know about training them to be outside.

Starting point is 01:58:02 I'm lying. Yeah, I thought that. And honestly, I don't even give a shit about your animals You're showing me pictures. I got you're lucky that I like the ones in this house You're a begrudging animal lover I love I Look it around like she's in here. I fucking love that bitch and I love all of them in here. Yeah That's not what I'm saying. It's not it's not it's not about whether or not I love them. It's about Anything about the care and well-being of them. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about what food they're supposed to be on

Starting point is 01:58:41 I don't know about I don't know how to train them. Mine aren't trained. It's a bunch of wild ass animals. These bitches are loose. I got a bunch of loose bitches in here. The only cats, they're the only animals that like can just conform to the house, it feels like, are cats. The rest, they're always gonna be animals. A dog to me is always a wild animal.

Starting point is 01:59:01 I recently realized I think the baby cat might be stupid. And now I know. They are sometimes. Sometimes you got dumb cats. Now I know everyone are that. She looks like, she's like beautiful and looks Egyptian, like she's from a different time, but also I think, I think she might be kind of stupid.

Starting point is 01:59:18 Yeah, I had a stupid cat when I was growing up. I don't think there's a high comprehension. I heard one time that one kind of animal's nose is supposed to be wet, and if it's not, that's a bad sign. And I don't know there's a high comprehension. Yeah. I heard one time that one kind of animal's nose is supposed to be wet, and if it's not, that's a bad sign. And I don't know if that's true, and I don't know if it's dogs or cats, but that's my level of knowledge about that kind of thing. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 01:59:34 I don't know, dogs aren't supposed to have chocolate? What about a cat? Can a cat have chocolate? I don't know about that. What about grapes? Bitch can eat through a fucking log of molded-ass cream cheese that I left in the goddamn bathroom

Starting point is 01:59:46 What apparently cats can eat one kind of flour? But if there's another flower that they eat it's poisonous to them and they could die Yeah, I learned that from my wife recently and I was like alright So I guess I won't be buying flowers because I'm never gonna remember All you did was tie yourself out of a nice mud hat I don't even believe that I think we made up those rules. A bunch of dudes are like fine flower sucks.

Starting point is 02:00:08 That's how cats got us in a choke hold. Who the fuck gives a fuck about what makes you die? God damn it, I'm a man. You don't eat it. Just don't eat it then. I can't buy a fucking brownie because you're maybe gonna die? I don't need it. Just don't need it then. I can't buy a fucking crownie because you're maybe gonna die. I don't need a gun. That's how cats got us in a struggle. I swear to God, it's everything I leave out, Alana is like, that could kill the cat.

Starting point is 02:00:34 Everything that I like, that I leave out, she's like, residual checks from entertainment partners kill the cat. If actually, if she walks on them Check for eight bucks on the table. Yeah. Yeah. Oh discover card discover card offers actually the cat could die if She choose on this Everybody knows the cat eat Discover Card offers. You not going to bed so I can play video games. Oh, is this bitch gonna die because I'm going crazy on Red Dead Redemption? And your final pick, David.

Starting point is 02:01:23 I think that my final pick. Oh what food does to you? Oh great one. What food does to you? Oh yeah my friend started eating a lot of mango and he gave his wife triplets. I don't know. I don't fucking know anything. I don't know anything about it.

Starting point is 02:01:43 And I'm sick of it. I don't know man. I don't know. I'm lying. I'm sick, I don't know, man. I don't know. I'm lying. I'm lying. Although it'll make your blood sugar spike. You shouldn't. I know about some of that stuff.

Starting point is 02:01:50 I got you on that. I know that you do, but I don't know. I don't know. Oh, that'll give you kidney stones. I don't fucking know. I'm about to know. I have a meeting with a nutritionist next week. I'm about to get this knowledge.

Starting point is 02:02:00 I also have a meeting with a nutritionist. But I mean, in general, the stuff that people are wanting to talk about, I don't know. I didn't know salt made your blood pressure higher until I found out. That's weirdly that I know. That's weirdly I think that I do know. I didn't know that shit for the longest time. I was just like, boy, it's a good thing I don't like sweets.

Starting point is 02:02:20 I can run into beef jerky all day. That's a weird fat guy thing where you're like, oh thank god I'm a savory guy. Yeah, and it's like no no no. As if it's some kind of a healthier thing. Yeah, your blood comes out like a like a fire hose. That being said, my blood work is solid. My blood work is really good. I'm very happy about it. But yeah, what food does to your body? I feel like you get in so many contexts and it's also like you ever notice when you're talking to a buff person You are very inclined to like Let what they say be true and you forget that it's like just cuz you're buff doesn't mean you're healthy like yeah

Starting point is 02:03:00 Fucking what do you eat? You only eat steaks in eggs? They've been on bodybuilder forums We're telling each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but in real life practice, you're like all the exams I guess it's why you're best killer cuz you eat oak and it's like I don't know man. I don't fucking know you I don't I don't know shit about you. You know shit about me, you know, you know that Right exactly, they're assuming the worst. Yeah But yeah, what food does to the body? I'm pretty much always lying Not like I'm getting better about it and I go to the doctor and all that but yeah in general I'm usually talking shit

Starting point is 02:03:39 Sean time for your final pick Jeremy. How's that Mike going? Yeah, what's going on with the Is that XLR gone? Oh shit. How about now? See, I just unplugged it and plugged it. Guys, Isaac, as someone whose job is to edit audio also, I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I have fucked up your job.

Starting point is 02:04:00 It's all right, this podcast takes eight hours regardless. Hey, hey, hey, hey. He deserves it. He deserves it. Uh, is it me? Yes. I lied and I almost immediately came clean, but this is what just popped in my head. But on Laura and I's first Valentine's Day, I lied about knowing what an adverb was for about a half hour. You know what though? You've, I feel like you've atoned for your sins, man.

Starting point is 02:04:24 I try. You've let it be known on here a lot of times that you don't know what that is You did so and probably because quickly Honestly, uh-huh. Yeah, I came I came but it was one of those defining cuz You know, I'm doing a whole bit about it right now, but I was like don't lie If you're lying about this where you know, it's a dark road you're taking yourself down, a dark silk road. So yeah, I immediately came clean and she thought it was cute.

Starting point is 02:04:49 But that just like in general, that can encompass a lot of things I'm sure I've lied about as far as like knowing phrases and parts of speech, you know, fame, like the fucking caution to the wind. There's all that stuff where it's like, man. Conjunction of adjective and verb. I bet I've lied about knowing what a conjunction is. You had conjunctivitis though, you know about that. Yeah, I've had pink eye play.

Starting point is 02:05:12 Boy, you think I don't know what pink eye is? Man, I've been to parties, baby. That's how I got it. Shit in the eye parties. I've been to parties. I'm also gonna take a personal live. It lasted for about four years, which is it was a contentious time voting in, in 2020 in the primary election.

Starting point is 02:05:35 I was trying to decide between voting for Joe Biden, voting for Bernie Sanders. Couldn't really make the decision on if I wanted to, you know, really kind of vote for like, all right, I think this person's going to win or what my values were. My brother was telling me, if you vote for Joe Biden, I'm going to be really mad at you. And my wife was like, I'm voting for Joe Biden. And so I lied to one of them, but I don't know which one because I can't remember who I voted for in the 2020 primary anymore. They know we learned that when we all went to go vote at the general election in 2024. And I think my brother was the one who went,

Starting point is 02:06:20 Hey, who did you vote for in that primary? As we were having a conversation, well, we were all having a conversation about what we did on the reason whatever and it it came to fruition and we all realized They each got a different answer one of them. I don't know which one I'm gonna go ahead and say I think it's awesome. You told us that yeah More people than I wish I would have. Hey man, that's the truth. Feels good. It does feel good to get it off my chest. I'm not gonna lie.

Starting point is 02:06:52 Feels good to be open. I'm having a real honest day. This is fun. Yeah. My last one isn't that fun, so I'll just rush through it. But it was everything my home inspector told me right before I bought my house. That's what I was between.

Starting point is 02:07:04 Pack. I swear to God. That's what I was between. I swear to God. I swear to God I have on here everything about home ownership. Everything. I'm just like, he's like, okay, so you're gonna, the roof has this going on, so you're gonna need to blah, blah, I'm like, oh yeah. Oh, you can see that actually with the.

Starting point is 02:07:17 Yeah, that's the fucking best. With the tar. There it is right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a fucking thing. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, I see it. Yeah, I know what you mean. By the way, stop expecting me to know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, You don't expect him to know about stand up? Yeah, you don't know about this shit. I just want my girlfriend to think that I know how to talk to you.

Starting point is 02:07:47 That's exactly right. That's all that's happening in here. Navigate a check drop. The HVAC people come over, you're just holding a microphone the whole time, like yeah, this is what I know about, so we can, you know, whatever you need. You wanna do 15?

Starting point is 02:07:59 You wanna do 15? You don't? You don't? Yeah, I bet you don't. Let's get the AC you'd in. Yeah, I fucking bet you don't. I fucking bet you don't? You don't? Yeah, I bet you don't. Let's get the AC you didn't. Yeah, I fucking bet you don't. I fucking bet you don't. Iceman, do you have a pick?

Starting point is 02:08:10 Yeah, anytime I'm giving relationship or dating advice, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Sure, yeah. Isaac, that's perfect. I've never been in a long-term relationship. It's really only pussy advice that he's good at. I can give you short-term dating advice. I have a lot of that.

Starting point is 02:08:24 I have a lot of that. I have a lot of experience being single. You want being happy while single. Six weeks. Yeah. We said that we said that we said the same things. David just shorten it up a little bit. I just, I don't, don't ask me. I don't know.

Starting point is 02:08:41 I'll say stuff. I'll say stuff. I will say about this whole whole draft Don't take advice from people who aren't in a position that you would like to be in. That's the big one It's one of the better Pieces of advice I've ever gotten. Yeah, that is that if you don't want to be where I am don't listen to it. But yeah Yeah, it's just like if somebody People be talking about shit. They don't know all. All the time, just to fill the silence.

Starting point is 02:09:06 We've done it for eight years. That word Isaac said is real, too. Oh man, so many dudes have shit about women. Oh my God. And they're like, I've never had a girlfriend, but and you're like, what are you talking about, man? Great pick, Isaac. Seriously.

Starting point is 02:09:22 To recap all the picks, David, you went first, and you took the blank this season, the last time we hung recap all the picks, David, you went first and you took the blank this season. The last time we hung out, the weather, animal ownership and what food does to you. Sean, you went second. You took the Blair Witch project being fake, car stuff, the Heimlich maneuver, how to eat edamame and what an adverb is.

Starting point is 02:09:40 Jeremy, you went third. You took the dark web, hockey, Judaism, pre-World War II history, and who you voted for in the 2020 Democratic primary. And I went last and I took movies I've seen, Where Girls P Comes From, Jeopardy Answers, Lifts at the Gym, and everything about home ownership. Now that was good.

Starting point is 02:10:01 Man, that was cathartic, I believe. Feels good. We wanna hear your answers, well, we desperately wanna hear your answers. Yeah. Help us not feel so alone. Yeah, hit us up individually on Blue Sky. Then we could start a camp for all of us soon.

Starting point is 02:10:19 Hit us up on All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, on allfantasypodcast.gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, where you can get auction drafts, mailbag episodes, live episodes, bonus content, all sorts of stuff on there for less than the price of a cup of coffee. It'll do you right. It's a party. It's a party, bro.

Starting point is 02:10:41 You'll get pink eye. Shout out to everyone on the AFP subreddit Thank you guys again for being so nice about my special and helping me set up an record player Shout out to everyone on the AFP shaslackity if that still exists shout out to super ultra mega producer Global phenomenon live in Ibiza this weekend Isaac Lee on on The Ones and Two's. It's Ibiza, actually. Ibiza, it's actually Ibiza. It's actually Ibiza. Ibiza, Ibiza, Ibiza, Ibiza.

Starting point is 02:11:13 Ibiza? That one was just for Sean, clearly. Sean is gone right now. It was perfect. Enough time, enough time, enough time shout out to st. Sue Carmel I love you ma shut up to Frankie Oh she shot this hot she beats shut up to send the dude I'm more bored than all of that tuning in next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything enough time enough time enough time She clackity I... She crackity!

All Fantasy Everything - Things We Lied About Knowing (w/ Jeremy Taché)

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