All Fantasy Everything - Things We Wanna Do This Summer (w/ Mike Mulloy, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: July 1, 2021

Mike Mulloy joins us to draft Stuff We're Gonna Do This Summer! Your number one pick? Listen to this podcast. Episode Guest: Mike Mulloy IG: @fakemikemulloy Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. Today, we're drafting things we want to do this summer, because God damn it, it's this summer. Our guest today is comedian and enemy of the podcast, Mike Malloy.

Mike is the host of Faded Comedy, a stand-up show returning in person to Los Angeles on July 9th. He also hosts the Faded Happy Hour every Wednesday at fadedcomedy.com. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Yeah, dude. The podcast that showed up half an hour late like a real schmuck and it's sorry for it look at this you see this freeway damn dude come out here freeway got the hood on blast

25 lbs i saved it to show you until we were on wax recording so i wanted you to see i'm gonna apologize on wax again for being late i was sitting on my couch in a tank top eating microwaved cauliflower with mustard in it watching lupin just like man a day with nothing in it you know yeah see i this to me i was like look at this this is a little little break i'm gonna go hang out with my with my homies for a minute. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to, you know. She just starts crying.

When are we going to have Maxine on the podcast, man? When she's going to fantasy draft. She's fantasy drafting crying right now. I can hear it. Whatever. Not my problem. I ain't scared. No. I think you are shook.

I think you are shook. I'm shook. I'm definitely. i don't know what's going on i was telling these guys i what uh i went for a walk this morning and it felt like i had just been in an all-nighter and i was doing that walk where you're like holy buckets that was a long night that bleary one yeah and i was like it felt like it was uh a weird time of day that that is that doesn't exist i was like what it felt like it was a weird time of day that doesn't exist. I was like, what time is it? Oh, I know what you mean. Like that 6.15, but it's nighttime still time.

Yes. It was weird. And I'm just walking around like, what are you doing? Just get a... I mean, Sean, it's like they say, dude. Welcome to Jamrock. Yeah. Yeah, man.

I've been there. I've been there. Like my there like my man chuck norris dude is it damon or damien damien damien all right is damien jr gong yeah because buff bob marley was tough gong yeah feel free to weigh in at any point mike with your beginning stages of dreadlocks i have no idea what any of you guys are talking about. I'll be honest. You don't remember the song Welcome to Jamrock? Them suit no fit me? I have no idea.

I didn't listen to reggae or... I don't know. No, you're listening to reggae. Let me just give it. With the extra magazine in no damn back pocket. You remember that, right? I truly don't. Out on the streets, they call it murder.

I mean, I've heard that on like rapper songs, but I don't. Out on the streets, they call it murder. I mean, I've heard that on like rapper songs, but I don't... It's not ringing a bell. Some said I'm a playboy, a playboy rabbit. Get dropped like a bad rabbit. Come on, you remember that. It's good, man.

I really don't. You sound good doing that song, David. I know the words to that song. I also know the words to Informer. Oh, yeah. I mean, that. I know the words to that song. I also know the words to Informer. Oh, yeah. That one I know. Sir Daddy Me Snow? You know Sir Daddy Me Snow, me y'all gonna blame. A licky boom boom down.

Detective man said Sir Daddy Me Snow stabbed someone down the lane. Which he did. He went to jail for that. He did. Now, I'm in talks, David, but it seems like we will have the nike and adidas song ready to debut at high plans for the crowd and for you and marissa you don't get to hear it until then well that's in september i wish you were gum and cocaine right now i'm sitting on the couch doing nothing except drugs, dude.

I'm on hiatus, all right? Yeah, this is my Tuesday gram. What I do in my hiatus, I get to fucking, that's up to me, all right? Oh, there's that face. There he goes. There he goes. Five o'clock Carmel. Man, dude, it's fucking, it's 11 11 p.m in the bathroom at the roost somewhere

i wish blort i'd like to call cocaine rush hour has anyone ever called it some of that rush hour that's pretty good fun is that all right i like that i'm never gonna do that rush hour again but yeah let's do let's get that started if you're if you're out there doing blow call it that rush hour i like that yeah i knew a guy who called it rowdy powder oh i like that too he was a mess richard marx in that can't can't do nothing song you know it don't mean nothing no that's a little bit deeper in the richard marx catalog i didn't know there was another richard marx here stop it stop it i'm too tired with that nobody tired to go into the catalog if malloy doesn't know it, then nobody knows it. No one ever knew it.

Between Reggae, Cocaine, and Richard Marks, you guys are just hitting like a turkey of shit I know nothing about. There's a bottle of Jaeger right over your shoulder. There's a half empty bottle of Jaeger. There's a lot of bottles right over your shoulder. Anyway, he calls it California Snow, which is is a funny name for coke that's a fun one too mike i was the other day in in in the basket in this basketball chat that we're in somebody posted a musical a music festival that had bands like modest mouse and and and i forget

the other band those are one of the four bands that i knew what what do you listen to? Do you just listen to the MLB The Show soundtrack? Like, what is... I sincerely... I know. Are you familiar with the Madden rap? Yeah. No, I really just, like, I don't play music a whole lot. Music is just

something that somebody else is supposed to be in charge of. I like music, but I'm not in charge of it. Like, there's a ton of songs that i like and don't know the name of i know who yeah sings them i don't know the name of them i just am not one of those people when it comes to music you're just like not a music person i'm not it just like i didn't go to a concert until i was like 22 and even that was just because like we got free tickets to iron maiden

and i was like all right well let's go see this fucking freak show that's for sure the right one yeah weren't you born at a dropkick murphy's concert you don't really count that dog no i imagine i told you that story this girl i was dating whatever it is because i bought me dropkick murphy's tickets for my birthday and i was was just like, I do not like them. Were they in the shape of shamrocks? I can't imagine. I don't know. We broke up before it ever happened.

That's the first time a white guy has been racially profiled. I was so upset. I was just like, why did you think? We had been dating for like nine months. What gave you? That's long enough for it to have come up yeah she probably she probably didn't see you listen to anything so she just assumed i maybe tickets to a concert where were ringtones around was this a ringtone time yeah what was your ringtone

was it dropkick murphys definitely not i'm no i'm never you was just bruce buffer let's get ready to text message what were you gonna say ian i cut you off we were talking about uh high planes and you said you took a breath like you were gonna say something oh boy i figured it was coming there may it there will actually we're gonna be at high plains but there will also be some shows before high plains okay little teaser we've we've talked about that these happen these are happening and you guys were aware of it oh yeah yeah this is in september right we can we yeah we haven't said the dates on here though right we can tease it now okay what time

is this coming out this is coming out july 1st oh well they will have already probably sold out then oh shit you better you better hope they haven't because on june 29th on the all fantasy everything patreon only tickets to the first live afes post quarantine will be going on sale. We are going to be at Mississippi Studios in Portland, Oregon on July or August. August 12th. 12th. 14th? No, 12th is the stand-up show. The 14th.

Oh. We got our dates. We got our dates. They're happening. We'll be in Portland the 14th of fucking August. Anyway, it will have been on sale exclusively to the Patreon at this point. And I imagine they will have sold out by now, which is all the more reason to make sure you're a member of the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Where not only do you get exclusive mailbag episodes, not only do you get membership to the Shaslackity, only are you going to get do you get access to things

that are dank that i'm stoked on we also have video pre-rolls um so all the the fun chat we have before we start recording and yeah you can see us on video on the patreon yes our playlists musical playlists all that and more the full all fantasy everything experience you also get exclusive access to our live show tickets before they go on sale and they almost always sell out. So make sure you cop that. And yeah, we're excited to see you in Portland and then also in Denver at High Plains. Yeah, man. Yeah, boy.

I'm extremely, extremely stoked about it. That's what stank that I'm stoked on right there. Backwards hat, rocking a baseball bat. Sean Jordan, Seanis Jordanordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on instagram the coug yeah bruh this kid's got me back down to my fighting weight i'll tell you that i'm about 187 which is my exact goal weight that's where i that's where i need to be and you crept up i was pushing i was pushing two bills again yeah two bills yeah i was getting a little comfy we were within 20 pounds of one another are you guys gonna fight or what yeah it's coming i feel like there's a lot of beating around the bush

he's ducking me dude well me you and laura potentially we're all i don't want to see that kind of the same weight class which is pretty i don't know how much like laura wants you blasted yeah i feel like that's uh what are you doing? It feels like a misstep. What do you mean? Stop doing that. Maxine weighs 30 pounds. What are you talking about? You should stop this now. Shit, don't give me any bad information.

Don't tell me I'm doing anything wrong. I'm teetering. These might be the decisions of a man with no sleep. That's all I'm saying. These might be the decisions of a man with no sleep that's all i'm saying these might be the decisions of a man with no sleep i'm saying no matter what the situation i doubt your wife wants her weight on the podcast today no i know it was i was just saying we could have boxed is what i said i could have you're saying you're saying you could have fought your pregnant

wife you really have been up for a long time with that in a while i'm loopy i'm loopy bud but it's hey it's a blessing i love it look what you meant to say and i believe what sean meant to say was me sean and laura were all within 100 pounds of one another yes at one point yes that it is crazy that alone is crazy yeah i'm sorry that ian's a little more eloquent with the words than i am right now but yes that's what i was shooting for i didn't mean to say 10 hours of sleep last night i'm all good man we all could have fought mma together or we could have fought early mma tank abbott era oh yeah when it was just like fat dudes from bars yeah yeah yeah dog they used to let you like groin punch you could do whatever that's insane they used to just let you punch people in the dick. Dude, my dad would sit, now listen to this, drunk on the couch,

and he would talk about how he could take Tank Abbott or Dan Severn or whoever. He'd be like, I could have had him back in my day. And I'm like, boy, I doubt it, Dad. Tank Abbott? Your dad thought he could beat up Tank Abbott? Yeah. I mean, he was 6'6", 350, and he fought a lot but he wasn't he's a big dude but you know what like the one difference is your dad went by pat jordan that was his name right

yeah jordan he didn't go and he went by pat jordan he didn't go by tank jordan we're saving that for the second kid i wanted to try i wanted to try one with mac like a regal you know kind of powerful name but then it's just going to be tank after that. Your name after the R&B singer tank though, right? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Do you have anything coming up? You want to point people to us, Sean?

Cameos. Get a cameo for me. Put some food in Maxine's mouth. And yeah, join the Patreon. You guys are keep, that's seriously, it's, it's making, it's saving me. I'm just all this stuff with having a kid. You just think about everything in their future and it's like, that's, that's it's making it's saving me i'm just all this stuff with having a kid you just think about everything in their future and it's like that's that's it so thank you everybody all of a sudden sean has something to pay for that isn't a crunch wrap supreme and it gets

real serious about those funds seriously it's the second she came out i was checking my bank like this ain't college money but it'll be all right. It's going to be all good, dude. By then, society will have collapsed. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Money ain't going to be real. I'll just be looking for canned goods. Yeah, dude. Maxine will be leading a roving band of whatever that generation is.

What's the term for dorks that Gen Z is calling us? Chuggy. Chuggy. Yeah. This is what I was going was gonna ask is saying hella is that choogy it's choogy as hell yeah i guess so i heard the other day someone told me that lasagna is choogy and at that point i'm like i'm opting out of this that's so dumb in practice in practice or in theory i think in i have to assume in theory how can a food in practice beat you i mean like a

food i i don't i pork belly i could see being chewy because it was like trendy for people our age lasagna but how dang there was never a lasagna phase that like where it was like millennials love lasagna quite the quite the opposite we were raised on spaghettios what's that shoogie you so far so far we've hit five for five of things that i have no no fucking idea of between cocaine what were the reggae oh you don't know anything about cocaine i've never done cocaine i've never yeah he's not a cocaine you really have, he really hasn't. Not a cocaine man. High Plains and now this. Sean, you. You guys are really hitting the fucking, the fucking what's what of where I'm fucking not. We got to get Mike to High Plains.

We got to get Mike to High Plains. We can't order anyone to listen to me right now. She's yelling from the fucking mountains and see who fucking hears it. We got to get Mike some cocaine and a Whalers album. Yeah. Stat, bro. We got to get him. We got to put him on. I meant offered cocaine. I want to make it clear. Mike some cocaine and a Whalers album. Stat. We gotta put him on. I've been offered cocaine. I want to make it clear.

I'm very cool. We all see that headband. We know you've been offered cocaine. I look like a cocaine guy. And I know it surprises people that I just I don't like things in my nose. Yeah, you look like the undercover cop asking about the cocaine guy. Not me. What's up, up homies you got some blow i want some trying to get some blow cane i don't think actual

undercover cops wear that headband but like in a movie an undercover like the third undercover cop would have that headband on no it would be a fucking like islanders hat yeah dog love the fucking islanders i've been saying that for years they love a sports team hat that no one else would ever wear they fucking love it oh god david borey is here cool guy jokes 77 on instagram the gs island on twitter how are you doing buddy i'm so good i'm so happy that the weather is beautiful yes sitting under my matisse yes you know i'm good i got some dates i'm i'm i'm out here baby people can find those on uh on davidboy.com uh no uh just listen to me listen to our podcast because they're coming in hot and heavy but the closest one first of all come to faded uh oh yes come to faded it's the next one by the time this is out july 22nd i believe but i'm not 100 sure

faded comedy denver.com uh yeah check that out uh but also august 26th through 29th, I am going to be at Rooster Teeth Feathers. Oh. In Sunnyvale, California. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're going to be gone the week that I'm there? Yeah, I'm sorry. No. I was going to say, can I stay at your house then?

Yeah, I mean, you can still stay at my house. Oh, I was going to say at Cronin's, but if I can have a place to myself, that'd be fine. house then yeah i mean you can still you can still stay in my house also i was gonna stay at cronins but if i can have a place to myself that'd be yeah i mean you can i can't promise the state my sheets will be in yes sir hit it get it he's the one who put the satin in your panties also uh i'm gonna be my helium date changed. It's now November 14th. I'm sorry. It got pushed back because I'm also going to be going to see Seattle afterwards or something like that. Is it inside?

It is inside because it's in November. And then one last date, September 10th and 11th. I will be at the House of Bards in Tucsonucson arizona the house of bards uh yeah i think that's it you know like it's only they've only ever had is that like right next to the house of blues and they just they've only ever cards but my but david's a blood so yeah yeah they've only ever had one other stand-up and it's brian callan so oh all right you know okay if you came to him don't come to me vice versa yeah words of a feather as they say there it is he's on it he's on it a venn diagram that is too just non-intersecting circles we never touch he never

we never which is like is better than can be said about most people at Brian Callen's proximity. Oh! The kid. Putting him on blast. Hanging him out to dry. Other than that, I'm good. That's it. That's all I got. That man with the laser accuracy.

That man with the laser accuracy. Accuracy. Accuracy. Accuracy. That man with the laser accuracy. Accuracy. Accuracy. That man with the laser accuracy is Mike Malloy. At fake Mike Malloy on Twitter. No. At. Dead.

No. Off Twitter. Oh, no, it's dead. I'm handsome adult on Twitter. No, also dead. I'm fucking out. No, he's not on it. Dog, I'm suspended suspended. You're not allowed on on it. Dog, I'm suspended suspended. You're not allowed on the internet. Wow. It's bullshit.

If anybody out there works at Twitter, get at me. I'm fucking sneaking on the Faded Comedy LA one. So holler at your boy. I'm on the ground more now. We're going to need to put a disclaimer. This Twitter does not reflect the views of all of faded comedy i've barely been using it i only use it to promote the show now i don't want to be there anymore i truly fucking don't oh dude you should yeah i don't want to hang out at the party after they

kick me out either yeah i just you should scroll through twitter man it's it's pretty dope actually like just scroll through it we like it now we're back on board actually since you've been gone man it's just like full of happy happy dang shit man it's a good place i'm sure i was doing some pretty pretty thoughtful book reviews i've been posting on there uh there's been just some thoughts about like the free agency market and the nba coming up and just pictures of cool birds and stuff sean's been posting just uh some of his favorite uh all right well for example i tweeted how the fuck do people have twins but the fuck was all caps as to get my point across that having one is hard enough but two would oh my gosh you know he's using uh he's using the language he's using every part of the buffalo on there yeah i'm not

being very choogy on there whatsoever no i still don't know what a choogy is is that like that was like that book rental site go look in the mirror dork the textbook rentals you're choogy dude never mind hold on let me go to i'm going to sean's twitter and i'm going to tell you some of the other cool things you're missing out on i really don't know what a choogy is oh man he tweeted uh i'm gonna look it up how do you spell it hit me with some links to get my newborn a bucket hat that was one of sean's tweets that's a pretty good one i want him there's a patagonia bucket hat that laura talked me out of because it was 30 bucks uh the woman who says quinoa on the progressive commercial i keep seeing on hulu is the most perfectly packed cast uh

person in the history of casting do you know what i'm talking about i don't that girl she goes she goes kianu it's like it's about this progressive person trying to teach old people how to not seem like old people and he's got written on a chalkboard and they're like it's just grown up trying to say it and she goes kianu and i laugh every single time. It's hilarious. It's perfect. I'm just telling you, Mike, there's some good stuff on Twitter, dude. Yeah, man, you're missing out. Mike, you've got something to promote. The only stand-up

comedy show around is back. Yeah, Faded Comedy LA. We're back July 9th. Come through. We've got a fucking solid lineup for that. We're doing half capacity to start out just to get our feet under us, keep everybody safe. You have to have proven vaccination, so don't fucking bother not.

And all that good stuff. Hell yeah. Yeah. So we'll have tickets available. Oh, shit, they'll probably already be out by the time this drops, but this Friday. But it'll also be every subsequent Friday, right?

Every Friday, yeah. So come through. The party's back, baby. Hell yeah. And the fated happy hour. Tell the people about that as well. Yeah, every Wednesday, me and the young boy, Danny, the young lion, we get together and we make some drinks

with a special guest. We're taking this Wednesday off, but next week we got a friend of the program Jason Concepcion stopping by. Oh, Concepcion. So tune into that, you fucking idiots. Yeah, you filthy animals.

Anything else you want to promote or talk about while you're on the soapbox there? No, just that. MikeMalloy.com. I'm coming to your town. Yeah, ChuggyFest. You want to talk about ChuggyFest, go to MikeMalloy.com. He's got a professional website now.

I got all the dates of shows I'm doing this summer, but I fucking can't remember any of them. So look there. If people are on Twitter, where can they find your dates? On MikeMalloy.com. Get him. They can get any of them. So look there. If people are on Twitter, where can they find your dates? On MikeMolloy.com. They can go to... Get him. They can get off of Twitter.

Get off Twitter and go to a different website. Or your Instagram, which is also fake Mike Molloy. Yeah, that I still have. I am Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Gmail app. Gmail on Jewish Gmail app. Gmail. Jewish Gmail app. Where we just get geek. It's mostly

Google recipes and rye bread stores. Just things of that nature. Just Jewish things. We joined a synagogue. Nice okay what's it i was about i car right in the back of my throat i was about to say have you gotten any more jewish since the house is like fully jewish now i was just like it was just gonna that's crazy that

i was gonna ask you that yeah yeah yeah are you going every saturday we haven't been yet because they haven't opened it up to um what they haven't opened it up to in-person temple sessions. Like in-person services. That's the word. Temple sessions is when I just fucking stare in the mirror, dude. Open your mind's eye, bro. With my finger on the temple. Is it in the Dale?

It's not in the Dale. Believe it or not, Glendale does not have a thriving synagogue. I'll believe it. It's wild. I'll believe it. I lived there for a while. Yeah. So Dana joined it, even though they aren't doing in-person services yet.

There she is. Oh. Oh, Ebone. Ebone and D-Bone. No, we're kidding. My extremely Jewish kitten, eddie has joined the podcast yeah does eddie go to the synagogue say something eddie oh

nothing nothing you kind of was making noise it's a she and i know that's confusing because we named her eddie and yeah beetlejuice is a boy though, right? Beetlejuice is the boy. Big, big boy. I heard a noise. Was that the cat or was that someone making an impression of a cat? It was me. I'm pretty good at it. Oh, I thought that was Eddie. Eddie, say something.

Eddie, you have a platform. What is happening concerning two-month-old cats in the world? Nothing? Alright. Epstein didn't kill himself. Wow. Eddie. The cat is supporting the IDS. I can't believe it.

We never landed on the moon. Oh, my God, Eddie. We landed on the moon. That's crazy. What would we have to gain by faking it? Now, maybe we faked the footage, but I still think we landed on the moon that's crazy what would we have to gain by faking it now maybe we faked the footage but i still think we landed on the moon that makes sense whoa i feed you all right that's it you've gone you're high on cocaine aren't you i've never tried that before i like it talking like a cat impression i can't do

it around our cat i've tried it but i can't do it around our cats because they think they get pissed so i've never tried to say anything while i do it do you think they get pissed because it's like speciesist i think it's when you talk to a french guy and you're like oh clip do you like a crepe? Are you saying crepe? Yeah. Oh, crepe. Would you like a crepe?

Where's Mike going? Mike's just getting up from the mic, wandering around. Mike runs his fucking studio. Mike podcasts like it's a morning zoo radio show. I was pouring myself a goddamn soda water. I'm sorry. Marissa tried so politely, too. Marissa goes, are down he goes i'll probably stand i mean i just had it set up how i normally have the happy hour set up yeah yeah well now today we are gathered here not only to

criticize mike's podcasting technique you're a half hour late by the way let's let's get into who was a half hour late history won't remember me as a half hour late, by the way. Let's get into this. Who was a half hour late? History won't remember me as a half hour late. They'll remember you as someone who stood up while you did a podcast like a lunatic. All these listeners are going to talk about, and they're going to remember how I stood up. History, you're fucked now. I will say, Mike, your audio quality will be vastly different than everyone else's, so they will be able to tell.

Not to put you last, but I'm just saying. I mean saying i mean you can hear it's fine i'm not standing up so so he grabs the mic i was sitting on the couch praying the rosary that you would fix your audio so i took a half an hour to do that and i came here and lo and behold god has forgotten us here on all fantasy everything it's not fixed i'm glad we're friends mike i love you to pieces you're beautiful you're always there for me you're a great friend you always have been and uh you know if you want to if you want to fuck around and not take this seriously and treat the mic like it's he's the enemy of the podcast for a reason that's right i fucking hate you i can't wait you forced marissa's hand you forced marissa i can't wait to turn that baby against you i'm

gonna make sure that baby disrespects you every chance i'm around i'm gonna belittle you i'm gonna be passive aggressive in front of the baby to you i'm just gonna like i'm gonna say some shit to you and then like look at the baby and be like roll my eyes and be like this fucking dickhead you're gonna start feeding all your all your choogy propaganda and she's not happy she's already grounded i don't even know is that a website that you order dog toys from? What is that? You sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, Chugi. Stop.

I'm going to beat your ass. I'm going to beat you up in front of the baby. I'm going to introduce the baby to Cola. Mike, I don't know if you saw this, but that says 25 pounds. Not possible to beat me up anymore, bro. He's shadow boxing with it i got laura helping me hold it up because she's just off camera she's on a pulley system i brought it in from the garage here's some whack that shit so i asked her i was like is it cool if i bring one of the freeweights

downstairs from the garage she was like of course it is i was like all right cool i bet i just look so sad carrying it from the garage to the basement like i'll work out more if it's in the house i like how come you only brought the one i only use one at a time i'm not out there doing the flight the pec thing that's i'm a few more months i think you could do that i can't over when i'm up there and i'm gonna put you through it of course you're coming over when you're up here. We're not going to work out, but you're coming over when you're up here. We're working out. He's going to put you in the rack.

I'm going to put you in the fucking torture rack, dude. I'm going to unleash hell. There's hoops all up and down the block. Whenever I see a kid shooting hoops, I always say Shaq Pack with shake-em-up fries. Yeah. Not a one. Not a one is left. I bet that goes over well.

That's some choogy shit right there. They love KD, dog. They don't know what you're talking about they're like trey young bro yeah there's not a trey young pack with shake them up right like michael porter jr and all those other guys who look like somehow they're disappearing yeah like right yeah they kind of do like like like that black eyed peas guy gets lighter and lighter at the top like like the like the back to the future picture like they look like they're almost done hell of a ball player hell of a ball player but he's only got two hours unless he

unless they go to the the malt shop and make sure his parents meet. He almost fucked his mom. We're drafting things to do this summer. Mike Malloy, this was your idea. What spurred this idea? It's been a while since we've done stuff and there's specific things that I want to do this summer after a year and a half of not doing anything this is your cousin marvin porter jr all right i'm done had to squeeze it in he's a he's a

porter like his last name is porter jr now full disclosure as i was sitting on the couch eating my microwaved cauliflower with dijon mustardon mustard, I hadn't put the list together. So I'm going to be going off the dome. Luckily, this is one you can go off the dome. This isn't like a... I want to go off the dome sometime. I want to have a freestyle draft where, I don't know, we get it the second we start. Like the old days?

No, we never really did it off the dome, did we? No, I guess I pretty much always have a list. My list is sometimes pretty short, though. Sometimes I'll come in and my list is like seven, eight things. My veggie list was less than five. It was like three when I came in. How could you have thought that was going to work out? No surprises there.

It worked. Total classic, dude. Total banger. Wall-to-wall bangers. Bangers and mash. The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw and shoot.

Mike's got a ten. I'm going to count to three. Here we go. One, two, three, shoot! What do you got, Mike? I got scissors. What are you doing? Oh, David Borey wins. He threw a paper. I got two scissors what are you doing scissors oh david borey wins he threw a paper i got two scissors paper too no no no no he threw the scissors he's cutting that umbilical cord i always throw poop cutter man poop cutter all day you're a father yeah man

and i got a few games i'll be teaching young maxine and poop smasher poop cutter poop cover you gotta get her you gotta get a shorter two two are you gonna get her a nickname uh max is that where we come in i got it don't worry about it six how much percentage wise how much more poop do you think you have on your hands in a given day than you did before? Dude, I almost fell to the ground. I opened her diaper and I was wiping and it was like I popped the top on like a rubber cement or something because she just started pooping after I did that. My knees buckled. I was laughing so hard and I was like, she's pooping right now.

She's doing it. She's doing it. And I'm just holding up her leg, watching her poop. And Laura's on the couch like, man, you're the dad, huh? It's like when you go to the grocery store and they're restocking the milk while you're buying milk. Just like there's hands in the back of the milk. Whoa, there's people back there.

Holy shit. Whoever's pushing her craps out, pushing it right now. I can see it. A lot more poop on my hands. More than ever. More than ever my hands more than ever more than ever more poop than ever yeah an amount of poop not seen in almost 40 years uh david bori as the winner is it coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft before you do that we'll remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that great question well let's say that let's say

mike is sitting on the couch and liz comes in and goes, Mike, did you forget that we had a graduation to attend? And he goes, oh, crap, I did forget. So he runs to his wall of Air Maxes, and he starts at the top left, and he kind of goes left to right and then down right to left until he lands on his perfect pair of graduation Air Maxes. And then towards the bottom they're pink and they're like pink they're really dope they're like pink and turquoise yeah and then he grabs him and liz is like oh i forgot it's a wedding and he goes oh well shit now i have to start all over and get my perfect pair of wedding air maxes so he goes all the way to top again he starts at top left and he goes all the way to the right and down a little bit and then all the way to the left and

down a little bit and he finds these in the middle and then uh and then she stops the picture what do these ones look like these ones have fish on them whoa yeah their specialty they got fish and they have uh like a bigger air pocket than most and it just says yeah it just it says max on them and i like to think they're all dedicated to my daughter every pair of air maxes that he has is dedicated to my daughter and then uh he grabs Maxes that he has is dedicated to my daughter. And then, uh, he grabs them and then she goes,

I'm sorry, Mike, I was wrong for sure. Now I know that is a, it is a bot mitzvah that we will be attending. And then, so this time though, he starts at the bottom and I like to think that's a little bit of

disrespect towards Ian. Uh, but he starts at the bottom and he goes bottom right to left. Right. And then he finds these ones. And of course they got a Cripstar on them and he wears them and then they go enjoy so it's like that okay you want to keep it going one more no that was a pretty good one i i was pretty excited about that one are you happy with that one yeah they're at they've been lacking in the last few episodes

i'll give you that but that was good you really painted a picture that i think it's great but basically in case there's anyone out there and i doubt it, who doesn't know what that means. If you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? David, Mike, Sean, Ian. David, Mike, Sean, Ian.

I was going to say, you knew Ian hadn't prepared and you're not going to throw him off guard with the first pick. I want to get mine. Hot corner. And thank you, David. I i appreciate it it was really more about me no no no your altruism will not soon be forgotten not here not at my synagogue

david also has olive green on but is this working for me yeah olive green shirt that i got on are you also wearing a chaka khan sweatshirt I'm wearing an anti-hero sweatshirt. Okay. So in a way, yes. Similar. Yeah. I'm going to get an Aaliyah shirt from Cross Colors, though. I've decided. I've landed on my Cross Colors gear that I'm going to get.

An Aaliyah shirt with a blue Cross Colors hat. High Plains fit. You're going to be High Plains wearing a shirt with the R&B singer, the dearly departed R&B singer Aaliyah on it with a Cross Colors hat? I sure am. That's going to be day one. We don't know what day two and three are going to be you got you guys send me a picture that is a lot different than what my fit is gonna be see i did just buy some air maxes yeah well i'm not trying to do chuggy

shit like that so i'm out here strike one bro i'm wearing overalls with one of the overalls undone that's what's hitting though people are doing that again everyone's dressing like eddie winslow again yeah i just saw jack and i was like all right well i guess this is what's cool now i can't yeah yeah last time i saw jack he looked like a plumber in fucking halloween town yeah it was it was crazy i was like you could just do this cool though he's so cool jack is cool so it's cool, though. He's so cool, Jack. He's cool. So it's, yeah. I remember asking. He's right.

I was asking you one time. He was just wearing, it was a black overalls with an orange undershirt. Like he's volunteering at a pumpkin patch? Yeah, it was wild. Freddie Gibbs was there. There was a lot going on. Pumpkin. Pumpkin.

Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Well, listen, for God's sake, David, you have the first pick and the things to do this summer. All Fantasy Everything Draft, and we'll get to that pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel.

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Happy Hour shows, available now at Mike Malloy's Twitter, at ThankMikeMalloy on Twitter. Make sure you check that out. That's where he is. A lot, a lot. That's not on FatedComedy.com, which is not on the internet. He's got the Why So Serious Joker face emoji. emoji that's who he is mike's on there posting just situations where it'd be cool if the joker was there like oh shit what if you were at thanksgiving dinner and the joker showed up how twisted would that be that's like one of the examples what if

you were the dentist and like you went under and then you woke up and it was the joker instead of your dentist whenever somebody says twisted too much i think that they're a douchebag like if you talk to somebody and they use twisted like in the conversation like four times i'm like i probably am not gonna hang out with you yeah no way you don't want to come over and get twisted i don't want to get your kind of twisted no i don't once the scenario that finally got mike kicked off for good was what if deadpool showed up and took off his deadpool mask and it was the joker and it was the joker and he goes you want to know how i got these scars and then twitter was like this can't this is too twisted we got to get this guy mike's starting his own thing called twister with two z's

in his own thing called Twister with two Z's. Well, you can find the Faded... Is that at fadedcomedy.com, Mike? Fadedcomedy.com is for all online ventures and then for comedy shows, it's either Faded Comedy LA or Faded Comedy Denver, whichever you're looking for.

There you have it. There you have it. Beautiful. Now, David, we are drafting today things we want to do this summer, thus coming, the summer we were currently in as of what we're recording as of last night was the solstice so we're off and fucking running i didn't even know yeah damn that makes more time for your first pick the first pick of the draft barbecue it was always going to be barbecue was never going to not be barbecue barbara bar barbecue barbecue motherfucking cute put some meat on it

spray that shit I'm trying to look back at it yeah ribs shrimp fish I don't give a fuck did you attend a barbecue all last summer I'll put your girl on there did you attend a barbecue last summer cause I sure didn't

no not at all we did once. Me and you went to, we grilled with Drew Morgan out at a park. Oh, in the park. That wasn't a proper barbecue. That wasn't like barbecue, barbecue. That was like two burgers and some Jamo. That was grilling.

That wasn't barbecue. Yeah. I'm talking pasta salad. I'm talking watermelon. I'm talking about three meats or more on the grill. You know what I mean? Loose meat in the cooler. Talking about a beef Wellington on there.

Just frying up nice. Yeah. I'm talking about somebody pulling you to the side, telling an uncomfortable story. You know what I mean? I'm talking about a barbecue. Yeah. Dad telling you about his first sexual experience like a barbecue

you know one of those where you you open the cooler and you're like i did not know they had this kind of white claw that kind of a barbecue yeah they got the new tea white claw i'm talking have you had those yes it's nuts if i'll tell you if you don't know your body if you don't know your body those are a bad move you need to know exactly'm so glad White Claws didn't come out like eight summers ago. I wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't be here to talk to you now. I'm not made for the modern NBA like that. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Those White Claws teas, you're just like, so yeah, I don't know why they lie and say there's alcohol in this iced tea. I mean, it's great iced tea, but you know, there's no alcohol in it. Talk about a booze that makes you feel like you could drive. And I don't even have a license. I have like three white claws. I'm like, yeah, let's go to the fucking store, dude. Let's go to the mall.

Yeah. Do we need buns? We need buns? We don't need buns? We need buns? We need buns? We need buns. Okay.

Mel, give me the keys. I'm going to go buy us a cornhole set. we need buns okay now give me the keys i'm gonna go buy us a cornhole set i gotta get to fam nice to get it but we're going 20 minutes 20 minutes we'll be glad when i'm back yeah this is all a joke obviously don't drink and drive never drink and drive never do it never do it especially just to hear 99 problems by jay-z because you just got that album you can sit in the passenger seat and listen to it you know you just turn the car on and listen to it you don't have to start it do you ever do you remember being a kid like i remember this from barbecues specifically like 17 to till i moved to california so like 21 22 somebody would come to the barbecue you know i put the 12s in the in the in the toyota

right no yeah i got him and right now come on come on and i'm just like in the street listening to somebody crank his fucking rockford boss gate it's clean too it's clean it's all clean you hear that no right i went to magnolia hi-fi just like earlier today so yeah yeah yeah no i built that box i built that box yeah and you're like yeah i can hear it i can hear it rattling on all the metal that you got from walmart i can hear the whole thing rattling yeah why'd you pick evanescence to show me how hard your shit knocks because it knocks bro there's an empty 40 lodged under your passenger seat trying to wake you up inside oh that's just that's my own equalizer i i put that there i put sounds like an angel getting its wings every time the base hits but yeah barbecue i mean it's we all know what it is i can't fucking wait you have a barbecue

right you're out there you're grilling i think i'm gonna fucking heat that shit up for high planes yeah man i was gonna say yeah i've been thinking about getting a barbecue dog i went to go buy one fucking this weekend and it was a disaster what happened right i what was it saturday i went to go pick it up at home depot and they're like i was like all right you know i bought it online i go to fucking pick it up and they're like the one that they try to give me was already built and I was like no you're supposed to give me one that's like in a box that I build at home

were they trying to give you like the floor model yeah they had like they had built they had a hundred of these fucking grills and instead of leaving some of them in the box they decided to build all 100 of them like not foreseeing that any somebody might be like

oh i'd rather have the not built one so i can this was travel with this was at a lowes or a home depot home depot fuck it fuck home depot for for like wait wait wait wait they didn't have one in a box that you could you couldn't just be like give me that one in the box no there was none in the box well check this out so i went to go get a picnic table earlier this year at home depot and i got there at like nine in the morning and i was like hey i want to buy a picnic table not put together and the guy he goes all right well there's like the dude who puts them together is here right now so if you want to do it you got to do it pretty quick i was like can he not can he just not put one together and they looked at me they looked at me like I was just like,

like I said, the craziest shit they've ever heard. And he's like, oh, well, he's here. So, I mean, he's going to put them together. And I go, can he just not? And then I'll come back in like two hours with a truck and I will take it. And he's like, I mean, you can ask. I was just like this, fuck this.

And I left. That makes it sound like he doesn't even work there he's just in the back with a gun it sounds like they contracted this guy to come put together picnic tables i think that is a lot of it is that is that there's like nobody there's a lot of people that work at home depot that don't work for home depot well i mean the guys in the parking lot but that's not what I'm talking about. No, I'm talking about inside the store. Those people that are at the stands trying to be like, oh, we'll make your home more energy efficient. Oh, like the vendors. Yeah, yeah. I have a story that sort of starts the same as John Jordan's and then takes a left at some point.

It echoes it in many ways, but in many ways it's different. That's sort of illustrating the funny the, the, the funny peculiarities of, of, of life on this earth. Uh, I too bought a picnic table from home Depot in the last year, but I needed it installed and it goes through a third party. Home Depot will deliver in like a,

on put together picnic table. And then somebody from another company via home Depot will call you and be like, uh, I'll be there this Thursday at 10. Hmm. So that's right. Yeah. And now you have a picnic table and I don't.

So that's, I didn't, you just didn't get one. No, I didn't. And then I kind of forgot. And now I want one really bad. Cause I want to sit out there with max and eat,

eat food. So I'm going to get one this week. Probably. What are three grill buying tips, David? Uh, I mean, it, it really depends on what you want to do man crazy sexy cool are you trying to get are you trying to get into the smoker game or do you want just like a i would get so mine is just a pit barbecue with like a side smoker and it's pretty simple like the barrel barrel form and then the smoker on the side i would just get something simple like that to figure out if you like it or not yeah because some of those long smokes man like we did the three two one for the ribs so six hours on the ribs it's like a lot of work so you got to

figure out like if you like it but like if you're just trying to smoke like some salmon or like what i do is i run it while i'm grilling so that everything gets the rich smoky flavor. Yes. You know what I'm saying? That's what I want to do. Yes. Like if you're doing wings, put a little bit of put some water in the grill, first of all, like a bowl of water. But then also put some cherry wood or some hickory wood or whatever you want.

But I think I would go simple at first. And then if you really like smoking because i mean they have like they have like you can get like the i mean although if you're trying to drop dough you should get a traeger that's what i heard traeger if you got if you're trying to drop dude you can set you can set the heat so you can like set it and forget you can put the like i had to do the three two one i'm running in i'm taking wood in i'm putting wood out i'm watching the thing you get that fucking pellet shit you just said it you just say i needed it 175 for six hours and it's boom can we do like applewood smoked wings yes oh man oh well i know sorry i didn't mean to talk down

to you like that come on yeah i mean if you get a picnic table you can do it i'll get i'll test i don't know where you're gonna eat them dude guan test me i'll get a picnic table you can do it i'll get i'll test i don't know where you're gonna eat them dude guan test me i'll get a picnic table today my friend sir daddy me ian's not gonna test you all right but i will make his wings good i didn't want you to go on yeah but yeah i didn't want you to go on and do it barbecues dude i can't fucking wait for barbecues i'm gonna get some fish in there too no the salmon yes oh just i go to i go to costco i get the big yes piece of salmon i got i'll we'll text about it but yeah i'll hit you up right after this i can't fucking wait barbecues i can't wait for barbecues mike malloy the originator of the topic it's time for your first pick so i'm gonna go with um like the platonic steakhouse night oh oh my god man i remember i got to one of those i was so popped i was fresh off a flight

and you guys were already there where were we probably probably the smokehouse smokehouse and i showed up after ian was like he leans over he's like hey you're being like really loud i was like oh man i'm just i'm excited. Smokehouse will bring it out of you, though. Absolutely. It's old school. Sharpie was there. Zach was there. That cheese bread's so good.

It's a cheese bread. For those listeners who've never been to the Smokehouse, which I imagine is a fair amount of you, this cheese bread, it's like a regular garlic bread. And then it's almost as though they sprinkle the powder from a mac and cheese container. It looks like Cheeto dust. On top of the bread. It's so fucking good. Isn't it? It's amazing.

Don't they say that like Francis Ford Coppola or somebody loves it? It's somebody really famous favorite cheese bread. Hello, like old Hollywood people used to eat there and still eat there, I think. I just knew about it because Hank from the Larry Sanders show used to go there. Yeah, that's where he eats after every episode. I love that place.

I love a steakhouse night. Even if I'm not trying to, and Lord knows I mostly am trying to, but even if I've tried not to, I get so drunk at the steakhouse. It's all that red. It's all that red and the martinis. Yeah.

We usually go hard on the cocktails. Well, because the martini is two drinks. Because they bring you the martini and then they bring you the little sidecar. What am I going to not? I counted all as one. I catch myself getting that really nice whiskey that you just don't notice until you're there. And then you're like, oh, man. Yeah, I've had like six of these because they just taste great and you i don't know remember that one

me and you and shane went and that dude showed up in a hockey jersey yes really killed the vibe he was wearing oh god like an islanders jersey it was a guy in a tank top i think he got turned away thank god but then somebody showed up in a hockey jersey it was a devil's jersey it wasn't justin bieber or like wiz khalifa you know what i mean it wasn't like they weren't they didn't look cool in the hockey jersey was it kevin smith it was kevin smith it was kevin smith and then he disappeared into his own jean shorts um it was just like when you're at a steakhouse you kind of want you want it's listen it's it's like cosplaying or like a renaissance fair but you do want everyone in costume at the renaissance fair yeah and it's

not an elitist thing it's just like it's part of the fun like we all put on nice duds i don't want my turkey wenches wearing minnesota wild gear that's right have a button on your shirt it ain't hard it ain't hard yeah is turkey wench. Yeah. Is Turkey Wench a Renaissance Fair thing? I might have just. The thing with that hockey jersey is I know that dude looked at it was like, yeah, man, you're ready. You're camera ready with this hockey jersey on. I bet he had different stuff he could have worn.

It's not like it was hockey jersey or nothing. I'm not trying to think about Jeremy Roenick while I'm eating steak. No, not at all. I'm not trying to think about Matt Sundin while I'm eating steak. I'm not trying to think about Patrick sundin while i'm eating steak i'm not trying to think about patrick waugh you know steak you know i'm not trying to think about mike richter while i'm having a steak we don't talk about the avalanche over here i'm not trying to think about theo flurry while i'm eating a steak for god's sake i'm not trying to think about yammer yager while i'm not trying to think about wayne gretzky when i'm eating a steak yeah damn it i'm not trying to think about pk subin when i'm eating a steak i'm not i'm not i'm not trying to think

about fucking uh cam neely while i'm having a steak for god's sake i'm not trying to have mario lemieux in my brain when i'm eating a steak if i'm sitting down in front of a steak if this is me and i'm sitting down in front of a steak i'm not trying to think about bobby fucking or while i'm having that steak all right dog dog if i got a new york strip on my plate it's not gonna be joe sackick running through my brain all right let me paint the picture for you i got a bowl with cream spinach in it in front of me. There's a beautiful, there's a beautiful base, like a beautiful wagyu, just nicely marbled piece of meat in front of me.

You know, maybe some crushed peppercorn on the top. It's cooked, cooked to perfection. And I'm sitting down in front of it. I'm not trying to think about, I'm not trying to think about. There's no way I could do it.

Come on. I'm not. to think about i could there's no way i could do it come on i'm not i think i already said i'm not trying i'm not i'm not trying to who's carrie underwood's husband he's a hockey player come on don't put other names in my head i'm not oh i'm not trying to think about Gordon Bombay. Pow! Fiction, baby! He sure is real. Gordon Bombay while I eat my steak. Oh, my God. Oh, man. I love a steakhouse night, though.

I do. And it's crazy that this dude ended up becoming the coach of the U.S. Junior Olympic team. And the highest level he played hockey at was when he was like 12 years old he hung up his skates no he played pro he played triple a no i thought it was that he gave up hurt oh i thought it was that he gave up like right after that no he had the triple deke dude yeah he got hurt that's the first episode he comes back to town or the first movie he come back it shows him playing and then he gets hurt oh oh never mind yeah no gordon bob baker play don't do that to my man he still like got a dui and his punishment was that he had to like be in charge of

kids okay we're gonna kick everybody out of sports who got a dui no i'm just saying like what a weird hey you're not responsible we We're going to put 20 kids in your charge. You got to go re-watch the movie. It makes sense. It's like a hardball situation where it's like, oh, you want to be irresponsible? Well, now you're irresponsible. I've never seen hardball.

I'm not certain Stan Van Gundy ever played basketball at the highest level, and he probably has a DUI. He can dribble. Have you ever seen that can dribble have you ever seen that man dribble popovich can't even read steven gunny can dribble dog yeah i remember a video from like a couple summers ago with him just like dribbling and it's just like oh that motherfucker can who yeah i remember i remember that too i remember that too he definitely did that to meet his wife just got nice got nice with it outside

of an outback all his life i take it everywhere i go the ball come from my trunk babe come on i'm just digesting out here what are you talking about you want to go to a movie what's everybody's favorite side at a steakhouse? Ooh. Spinach. I got a garlic mash. It's just, you know, if I'm getting a steak, I got to have a nice potato to go with it. Right. Your cream spinach, David?

Yeah. Any kind of spinach. Yeah. It's like the time where I find that I can squeeze in vegetables because I'm not, I'm like trying to be cool. So like just some nice green beans will do it for me. Right. Green beans. Yeah.

I'm a wedge salad man. Ooh. I don't like, I always, I don't feel like I'm at a steakhouse when I get a salad. Cause I, I get all poor guy on it and just, it just doesn't look. Sean, what was that time you got like chicken tenders at a steakhouse no you got a baseball steak i got a beef patty these these two my bottom half of my screen were furious about it by the way yeah it was insane when we picking up the no i don't want to were you playing it was no i didn't i'm happy to say it i didn't have any money and i felt weird and now i look back and i'm like there was in the grand scheme of things that would have made

a 300 tab 306 dollars also why didn't you just get like a burger or something then because you guys are all giving me shit like they were you're like you got to get a steak so i just found i didn't know it was a hamburger patty i just found the cheapest steak and i got it and you're like that's a that's a hamburger patty dude whereas you were zach one of you but i was like well shit i already ordered i'm not gonna go back on it i didn't have any problem drinking like five jamesons on everyone's time so it's just priorities you know you were allocating resources where you felt they were most sorely needed giving it a shot we're gonna have to do one the next time we're all in the same city we're gonna have to have to do a little steakhouse night. Let's do a steak night.

Ooh, I'm ready. Sean, next time. Well, I don't know how easy it is for you to get away, but maybe we'll do it in Portland. Mike, you'll have to come up. Come on, dude. I'll get away. I'll get away whenever I want, dude. She can't hear me.

August 14th. You said that, though. You said that to your wife. I was like, yeah, I'll get away whenever I want. I'll send that. Yeah, no problem. Sean, time for your first pick, dude. A live podcast. Ah, yes yes that is what i want to do

i mean that's we have done them all in the summer basically yeah as soon as you brought it up i was just it's really gonna help with just everything being like cool cool that's not we're we are gonna be all right you know like things will get back the way they were so i'm i'm just thrilled plus it means i get to see everyone you know yeah and you get to see each other quite frankly i forget that people even listen to this i know you know what i mean sometimes it feels like we're just on a zoom like having fun which is how it should feel i guess but on a zoom we're all showing up on time it's cool like we all tweet about it it's all right you know we're all like on twitter tweeting about it i just i was thinking i haven't seen david in over a year like i've seen the two of you i haven't seen david or marissa since all this you haven't been to bolivia this year whoa no whoa wait oh

sorry i know uh that's where they lifted well david was so comfortable there because they lifted the mask mandate and he was like he was being very cavalier about not wearing one in the states but he just he wanted to go somewhere where everybody else was it was probably that last live podcast right with aaron was that the last time you saw david you last time david was was when garcetti shut la down i left la the day that Garcetti shut it down it was like March 10th and we were all at the fortress and we did like five episodes in a weekend because we were like well this is gonna be a few weeks we gotta weather this storm that was when we were still booked in Texas and we're like man I've had the flu dog we'll be in

we'll see you in Texas that was the time and we were just chilling at the crib what was great thinking it was great but oh you meant when we had aaron on at the house oh that was that same weekend no yes i think you meant a lot i didn't know what you meant yes that's when aaron was on yep yeah the last live show we did was in fucking the tour yeah it was detroit that was the tour yeah it was detroit was the last live show we did detroit dude anyway just a just a lot of podcast man this is like uh this is what i love doing i found like i was lucky enough to be able to find what i actually like oh you were lucky enough to like to talk to your friends for money the most yeah lucky that's why i say underline 15 times

like uh and it just so happens that we're good at it so it's just one of those things that actually really doesn't seem like work and so it's just a blast because i get you know we just get to do this and i love doing in a live shows in and of them of themselves in and of themselves i guess that's right but i'm mostly excited for our next live show so the world can hear nike versus adidas yeah man well portland doesn't get to hear uh you know what why doesn't portland get to hear it they do anybody deserves to hear it you're right i didn't mean to say that i'm gonna be a true friend and tell you not to do this oh it's done is it called nike versus adidas once you squeeze this this toothpaste out of the tube you can't push it back in and you have a daughter to think about and god is it going to be make it

really easy for me to turn her against you if you have a rap song out eminem started rapping harder when he got a daughter well it's going to be hard because she's exclusively on twitter so i don't know how you're going to turn her against me as you've been banished. You should just do an NFT with it. Just sell it to one mark instead of a bunch of marks. You should do an NFT of it. The only mark I hear is you, my friend. No. The only mark I hear is Mark Morrison on the remix of Nike vs. Adidas once the world gets a hold of it.

Oh my God. So if it's ready by the time these Portland shows happen, then yes, absolutely. We'll play it, but I'm not going to like release it to, for like anyone to hear until after Denver shows. So Portland can hear it at the Portland show. Denver can hear it at the Denver show.

And then I'll put it on the Patreon. Well, here's where I might echo the sentiments of one Michael Malloy. Uh, maybe never release it. Oh yeah. Never. So Sean.

Oh no, it'll be, of course I'll release it. Absolutely. I would tour with it. Sean. Oh, no, it'll be. Of course I'll release it. Absolutely. I would tour with it. I would take it from town to town. You keep that close to the vest. Like a roadshow movie.

Anyone who wants to hear it is going to be able to hear it at some point. Don't give it away for free, though. I would be doing the Chappelle, everybody lock their phone in this bag shit. Well, I'm not a coward. Patreon gets it for free obviously and then if anyone else wants will be like a buck or something but you should put it on soundcloud yeah i probably will yeah i'm gonna get it out there along along with your other hits enjoy this face before it's covered in tattoos man i'm gonna be a soundcloud rapper quick damn you're gonna know what are you

gonna get tattooed on your face i'm gonna get i'm gonna get maxine tattooed on my face just her baby face that's better than baby face his face and then baby face right on my eye baby face adult face i don't fuck with baby face we all know that a bunch of baby face teardrops because i cry when i hear it oh yeah david didn't you open for him yeah i didn't even get to meet him he played you out played me out you were there was. I drove you there. I love it. So if me and you run into him and Tretch in a dark alley, it's on. No, no. I'm not in on your

Tretch beat. That is Tretch. That is Trench. No, it's fine. Hear me now, Tretch. We are not involved. He's going to be down with OPP, other people's punches. Mine. Why do you have Tretch, hear me now, Tretch. Hear me now. First of all, you didn't. He's going to be down with OPP, other people's punches. Mine.

Why do you have Tretch beef? He doesn't. He knows. He knows. We don't have to talk about it. No, Mike blew it. I didn't do anything wrong. We were in the same place at the same time.

All I did was give him a fucking attempted fist bump, and I was clearly on my way elsewhere. You know who else was there? Hey, what's up? Lance Bass and Megan Rapinoe. There was elsewhere who else was there hey what's up lance bass and megan rapinoe there was a bunch of people there elite company we were all drunk at the fucking after party for the sbs yeah very drunk we had been dancing to ll cool j it was me mike and jamel very drunk having been danced and uh mike's like ah i'm gonna i'm gonna go talk to tretch

that's not what happened at all. And I was like, no, dude, what are you talking about? Tretch was standing there in a Dickie suit. I believe he had a bottle in his hand. Clearly did not want to be disturbed. Clearly did not want to be disturbed. Dancing by himself in front of the VIP. And Mike's like, I'm going to go see what old Tretch wants to talk about. Yeah, in front of the VIPip and mike's like i'm gonna i'm gonna go see what

all treks wants to talk about the vip he wasn't in the vip either so fucking get your head out of your ass trash you're with me you're on the streets you're on the same fucking level as me bud and mike approached him with that energy and it did not go well man treks started a porn company he doesn't want to talk to you he doesn't want to talk to any of us i didn't want to talk to him either all i did was fucking him up and i was on my way i'm gonna go talk to tredge not what i said i was we were on our way back to the dance floor i didn't want to talk to him we were on you a hundred percent wanted to go talk to tredge didn't went for a fist bump it wasn't jamel's idea we weren't even walking past him you beeline yeah we were we were walking

back to the dance floor i remember this you beelined i remember where he was standing you beeline it's cool you want with tretch what jordan farmer and i have but you can't have it i'm sorry yeah he wanted it to be a me and memphis bleak situation what do you have beef with jordan farmer no we get along great just like david and memphis bleak so you know i saw jordan farmar at cony agus or las jagas it was las jagas and i said jordan farmar and he was like what's up man acted like he knew me yeah and then i saw memphis bleak and i said similar reaction and he acted like he didn't know similar action similar interaction as bad as your interaction with trech went it still went better than like as good as it possibly could have i feel like i do too yeah yeah i think tretch would have wanted

to fight you but it's still a fight on site if i see him again yeah you don't have a padlock mark on your forehead so well it went better than it could have if tretch is still listening at this point because he doesn't listen to every podcast but if he's still listening at this point just i just want you to know that this beef even though almost always have mike's back this is one time when you can't include us in it i got it i don't need help unfortunately i feel like you're really downplaying tretch he's short he's a tiny little man i'd take him if you and tretch fought i would i would be on your side and that's a big statement i would fight tretch with you i would hate every second of it but i would do it thank you sean if it was all his fault you got a kid now yeah you have a kid you can't just jump like david i've gone to we've we've fought alongside you when you were wrong many a time in you stopped the fight once you stopped

the fight i stopped yeah but if if i knew that was one time i would have i would have fucking i would have been there alongside you no mike i got in a fight with you one time with two plumbers where I stopped the fight and you fought the plumber. So mine was getting punchy and I had to. No, it wasn't. Yeah, he was. Anyways, live shows. A live show.

Time for my first pick. And my second pick. What are we four hours into this one my first and second picks with my first pick I'm going to take something I've done one time already this summer and I can't fucking wait to do it again swim in a pool

oh yeah oh yeah I didn't swim in any pools last summer I know Mike you you did right you had the I was in yeah so I was I had a pool at my old place and now swim in any pools last summer i know mike you you you did right you had the your your mother-in-law yeah so i was i had a pool at my old place and now since we moved into this place i no longer have a pool so i need to make a friend with a pool yeah i had no pool access last summer maybe the only summer of my life since i've been able to swim uh that i didn't spend time

significant time in a swimming pool. And I fucking hated it. I love being in a pool. I never feel better than when I swam in a pool earlier that day. Me too. Yeah. It's always amazing. It sets the day up just to be dope. It's always dope.

It's always good. If you're in a pool, everything outside, you're chilling. Oh my gosh. You get out, you get in, you get out,

you get in. And it's because I was the only one that used the pool in our complex. Like, nobody else ever used it. Also, that old guy who had a lot of young ladies. Dog, that dude was, that was the only time I ever saw that dude. Or actually, it was twice we saw him. It was different young ladies that he had with him. And he was old.

I don't even think that he lived there i think he just showed up to the pool every once in a while i think he just brought tenderonis yeah i think so he's sneaky that that pool at your place was fun that was like in my mind that was the first time i ever had white claw was at your apartment pool i had i had like 12 raspberry white claws and you kept telling me like they hit they hit pretty hard and i was like fuck that oh is that when they wanted to go swimming at like midnight and we were like no sean we would no i did i did go swimming at midnight and yes swimming at midnight dude wasn't that your first adult contemporary album yeah yeah man swimming at midnight what was that what was that hit song it rose to the top of the white male protestant vocalist charts yeah it was it was him and chuck mangione yeah was this midnight swimming at midnight was the song

swimming at midnight too i forget yeah it was swimming in midnight off us swimming in midnight yeah that which was it was also the name of the band yeah yeah yeah sean jordan and swimming at midnight swimming at midnight swimming at midnight the hit single was wettest how did that go again and this was during this was from the summer of the swimming at midnight tour yes yeah i still have my t-shirt for this one it was like all the smooth r&b breakdown part of a song but that was the whole song and i didn't really say a lot i'd be like man it was the wettest i'd ever been. That was about it. It was kind of like everything was wet, man. And just like that smooth beat playing, I was like, I don't even know. I don't even know it could get that wet inside a car.

It was wet inside that car. You were part of a micro movement of adult contemporary called tucked in t-shirt wave, right? I was not. Weren't you? I was not. You and the whole band had tucked in t-shirts? I think it's like the frat pack where they weren't actually friends but everybody like lumps them together yeah yeah this is not this is not true it's just tucked in t-shirt music the wettest was like the

classic example of tucked in t-shirt uh adult contempt you know i used to tuck my t-shirt in way young like into jabose when i was like in a in fifth grade i'd be showing up with jabose tucked in shirts can you imagine that like uh what are you 11 when you're in fifth grade i'd be showing up with jabo's tucked in shirts can you imagine that like uh what are you 11 when you're in fifth i think it's probably coming back i bet you know what i used to tuck a t-shirt into huh my swim trunks dude when i was in the pool for a long time yes it's not even worth the hassle no i don't when you learn that you're like it's just like what are you nobody cares enough looking back if there's one thing I could say to young me, it wouldn't be,

Hey, bet it all on the fucking, you know, whatever hockey team won the Stanley cup any year. I don't know. I got all my hockey knowledge out earlier on the podcast. I would say don't wear that t-shirt. Yeah.

Get that t-shirt off. Yeah. Take it out. Nobody here cares. You're drawing more of a, it's more attention. You're drawing more of uh it's more attention you're drawing way more attention to yourself it is it's like the first car that had like daytime headlights that was where if like if you're in a wave pool you're like i see one person with a t-shirt on unfortunately that's where my eyes go it's also like a terrible feeling oh it's an awful feeling it ruins a pool

a little bit yeah and your wet big dogs jur Jurassic Park bark T-shirt is drawing way more attention than your chubby little body would. You're going to get caught in it, and you're going to drown, and they're going to have to call Wendy Peppercorn. Yeah. She's coming. I'm just tapping strangers. Like, you see that? It says Jurassic Bark, you see. And I just got like a whale bone of some frozen hurricane.

I'm just like, no, it's over in the far end. It says Jurassic Bark on the shirt. I knew I was going to have a good time at the pool, but I didn't know I was going to have this good of a time. That's a funny shirt. That kid should be a comedian. But yeah, Taking a Swim. That's my first pick is Taking a Swim.

Classic. And number two. Number two. pick is taking a swim yeah classic uh oh number two oh number two number two is going to be drinking somewhere where there's live music yeah damn that i didn't think anybody would pick that yeah that was on mine off the dome i was gonna yep that is dude i remember one one of my favorite times that happened. Shane and I were co-headlining the Boissy Club. And we just walked around downtown and we found some bluegrass band playing wagon wheel. And we tripped in and we were just sitting in the front row and we were like, holy buckets, this is sick. It's not what I planned on doing.

But we just sat and listened to live music for like an hour and a half. It was dope. Not the first time Shane's walked in somewhere because he heard wagon wheel, I bet. Yeah, it wasn't what you were planning on doing he thought it was a pizza with each slice is a different flavor that's what he thought wagon wheel meant and i was like oh whatever you want to think and then we just i mean that's what it means in the midwest right yeah it's a wagon wheel yeah i think that's what it means really i just love that vibe it's been specifically if it's like outdoor know, maybe there's like a good band.

Maybe there's some brass instruments in that band. Oh, you're talking about Jazz Fest, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, my friend. Say no more. I will take you. That is often what I think about when I think about jazz. Yeah. If you guys want to go to where it was invented, you go to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Yeah, it's like Utah and then Sioux Falls.

Yeah. Utah, Sioux Falls, anywhere you can buy a dip tea candle jazz pots starbucks starbucks bro i just love it i just love the sensation of getting a little buzz on maybe you know they're gonna oh yeah maybe you guys have heard this one before there's a little bit of banter you do the look back i love it till your neck gets a little bit sore then you turn back around and then you can kind of dance to the bar which is something i always enjoy just like a little it's just for you that dance yeah absolutely oh yeah you're not putting too much on it you're just like the one time i don't feel foolish dancing i'm just like oh oh yeah going to the bar. Going to the bar. You've got a great walk to the bar dance.

Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. Uh-oh. It almost looks like that's where you're more comfortable dancing. Yeah. It might be. Like if the whole dance floor was just a walk to the bar, you'd never leave. That's how we do it.

That's when we set up bars on each end of your wedding dance floor, dude. Oh, no. Oh, no. Where are you going? Tequila? Make Laura fall in love all over again. I'm going to win her second heart, bro. Back to the other side.

We're going to renew our vows halfway through this wedding. Where are you going? Well, I've spent most of the night on lights. I'm going to out, my friend. I'll be on the other side. So drinking somewhere there's live music. I'm going to keep it moving in the interest of of duration sean jordan time for your second pick i want to get on a plane oh you haven't been on a plane i haven't been on a plane this whole time and um i'll be doing that tomorrow

and i hate flying i'm scared of it you'll you'll you'll remember i know you know you always get all drunk yes that that is part of it where i'm like like i can sneak a little pick in there without picking it because obviously that's gonna happen but yeah i just i've always and i've been vocal about this i like airports i like traveling i like everything except for the flying so i don't know i just kind of miss it like sometimes if you get if you get the right amount you know a couple two three you i look out the window i'm like man this is amazing this is beautiful i'm going somewhere to whatever i'm doing it's always most of the time it's something fun. And I realized how lucky I am to get to do that. So yeah, I just want to get on a plane and just be like, cool.

I'm up like 30,000 feet, you know, where God intended. What do you think you might, what do you think you might go? I mean, you know, you're going to go to Denver on an airplane. Yeah, that's, that's the next, I mean, unless I sneak an L.A. trip in there before then, but that's where I'm going next. And I will have the pilot play Nike and Adidas on the flight. So if you're on my flight to Denver, you can hear my rap song that Mike doesn't want me to release to the world. You should do a remix reminding people about flight safety and and where the exit doors are that's one thing i like for some reason just popped into my head thinking about flying is

the the virgin um the virgin atlantic song and dance that they do for the safety oh boy virgins is a good one virgin has a good one it's a lot it's a big production it's a whole dance number whole song and dance yeah i like you know what i can take or leave and honestly mostly take is southwest jokes most of the time i'm there for it whether it be like welcome to non-stop flight to paris and i'm like we're going to bark barstow or wherever we're going you know it's like we're not going to paris you fly to barstow no i, we're going to Barstow or wherever we're going. You know, it's like, we're not going to Paris. You fly to Barstow? No, I said the wrong thing. We're going to Sacramento.

Oh, man, that was dark. I like it, except sometimes they go too long and then you're doing that thing where you're holding your headphones, waiting for them to end, and you're like, just, huh? Yeah, like to pretend? Yeah. You know, I always do that. I always look and I always take my headphones out

because I see them looking down the aisle and I'm like it's gotta suck if every single person has their headphones in like i would just it'd be a bummer to look down the aisle and be like no one's listening these days man i'm like listen you know i'm a medallion member yeah where the seats at i resent them for expecting an audience almost at this point come on come on it's the 6 a.m to los angeles we've all been here yeah i like the little the humor sometimes i can handle it and the the collective chuckle throughout the plane where i'm like okay we're in we're in a good mood this is a soft laugh you sounded like slick rick that was slick rick laugh Don't cry. Try your eyes.

And here comes your mother with those two little guys. Once upon a time on a Southwest flight. Now I started to sound like the Monster Mash guy. Yeah. They're not far off. No, I think one hand watches the other on that one. Contemporaries, you know? Someone say rivals.

It's like a Morris Day day in the time versus prince kind of thing yeah rivals in their time absolutely so sean took having an anxiety attack i miss life time for your second pick all righty i am going to go with there's really not a term for this but i always call it like a relay day drinking of like a relay drinking is when like you typically like a Saturday where you'll go out for like a brunch with a group of people and you'll run into some other people and you'll just transition to another place from there. Like you'll go the whole day having gone like three or four different places

having like traveled across four or five different social circles and like a day that was coordinated without like ever having texted anybody so much like beyond like a, we're here sort of thing. Like real world in it. Yeah. Just like out in the world together for like a 10 hour, but like you get home before 11 and like you're asleep by midnight. Yes.

Oh, I know that. Yeah. I wanted to do more. I didn't even know I wanted to do that until you said it, but that's perfect. It is a good day. Cause that always happens so much with us when we're like out and about is

we'll run into like four or five people that I'd never like think to maybe like call or text but like when i'm there drinking with them i'm like fuck yeah so and so is here so it's like or it'll happen like you're like oh shit is that like jamal or something and then he's like yeah i was just i was just texting jason and then you're like oh shit like voltron you may not like it mike but that happened a lot of the roost god the roost was the end of the night for everyone except for you no it was the end of the night for me most times it just i begrudgingly went i'm just saying you would run into a lot of people there yeah there were definitely nights when the

roost wasn't always the end of the i've i've gone places from the roost i feel like the night that you almost fought that guy over the jukebox was just me and you and i was just like why are we still here yeah that's a good question if it was just me and you there had to have been another person i don't think there was because there's nobody else talking you out of fighting that guy over barbie girl that was never going to be a fight there's no way um it was it Sean, it was on its way. I've seen it as close as I think it's ever gotten with you. And I don't know.

Maybe I wasn't there. So maybe I'm wrong. I think it's just your heart didn't want it to be a fight, Sean. And that's because you're sweet. I saw it with Ponytail Guy at High Dive. And that was the closest I've ever seen it get. And that was one where the guy, he said something. And I was like, do you want me to get out of the way, dude?

Because I'll get out of the way. And you can say whatever you want to say to him. And the guy, he wouldn't, he was like, whatever, dude, get out of here. It really was almost a bad night. You know what I like to your pick, Mike, is I like if it's not planned to even have a drink. Like if I'm just going to brunch or something, I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing today. And then you get there and somebody gets a mule or something.'re like all right yeah sure i'll have one with you and then it just kind of the whole thing just turns into an unexpected complete session yeah and then sometimes

they even culminate like at a party which is which is like come on yeah that's the that's the best honestly i like doing my bar drinking early in the in the session and then like having other things that we like you know having house parties to bounce around to or like outdoor shit because maybe something that didn't sound super appealing at noon would sound a little more appealing at like seven after a few drinks i'd be like sure i'll go to that party that normally i'd probably be a little too shy to want to go to now yeah whatever i'll go i won't know anybody fuck fucking i'll meet people you know other than this false scenario where you were too shy to go to a house party i hear what you're saying yeah yeah yeah sometime it's in there sometimes where you're like am i gonna know

anyone yeah but most of the time you know just painting the picture excellent pick david boy time for your second and then your third picks i can't believe i even got it man beach day oh fuck yeah yeah come on man have you guys have you guys gone to the beach at all yeah i have okay And then your third picks. I can't believe I even got it, man. Beach day. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Come on, man. Have you guys, have you guys gone to the beach at all? Yeah. Okay. All right.

Good. I threw in beach days when Ivan visited. And then when my, uh, my mom and my siblings visited, there's this place called the broad street oyster co in Malibu. Oh yeah. Malibu. Malibu. I fucked that up many a time. You get the lobster roll yeah i got

the lobster roll and we just got it and then went to the beach and ate at the beach and like hung out at the beach eating on the beach sitting at the beach say beach sitting on the beach was i've been in town for father's day uh he was in san luis obispo so dana and i drove up gotcha wine country wine country he made ribs dude. It was ribs country that day, and it was good as fuck. I remember we went to the boo one time, and I think it was David. You had a tweaked ankle, and we went to this spot on the beach, and whoever was there, they're like, yeah, it's real easy to get to. Couldn't have been harder to get to, and we had to walk over like half a mile of rocks.

I had just tweaked my ankle. Yeah, it was over the... Yeah, it was bad. It was so bad. Yeah. Sharpie. We want Sharpie and Zach. Oh and zach oh yeah yeah that's who'd be there yeah dude the day like the day we went to manhattan beach and like swam a bunch and we were just there all day frolicking in the waves and then went and got mexican food yeah sharpie had the baseball gloves. We were playing catch. And I got like a tiny bit stoned. That might be the best I've ever felt.

Yeah. That'll do it, man. That'll do it. That's when like a beer tastes great to me. As I remember, we went to that Mexican joint and I was like, let me get a Corona. And I drank it and I was like, this tastes so good. Oh, sometimes it tastes just like

the Fast and Furious says it does. Yeah. Yes. Like you're with your bros, your family. Uh-huh. It's just like the fast and furious says it does yeah yes like you're with you're with your bros your family uh-huh it's just like you are my family you guys are my family that's exactly what happened i'm saying we're your family you're my my family my family um my name's mark sinclair and i got family dude i just but like we're in the ocean all day so you're like sun-kissed you're tired in all the ocean all day so you're like sun kissed you're

tired in all the right ways from swimming you're kind of salty for some reason kind of salty your hair feels fun yeah you're just sitting there in the booth and they drop the chips and you're like oh yeah boy i didn't know i needed these till i saw like pounding like ice cold water because it's just been hot i love it yeah maybe you had that fruit with the tagine on it yeah i love it i love that shit i love a beach day yeah i love a beach day and so that's my third second pick right yeah that's right your third my third pick is going to be pick is going to be all right this is a weirdly specific one follow me i don't mean an amusement park i mean like a shitty parking lot carnival yeah oh yeah like a county a county fair type thing yeah like not even like even smaller than like the shit they put up in tj maxx it's just like the zipper a ferris wheel and a bunch of shady ass games you go to the seafood mall and echo or in uh in um what's right next to glendale rock plaza eagle rock yeah you go to eagle rock plaza they

got that one um yeah for sure yo i love it especially now that i got because i used to love them as kids but now i have a little bit of money so I can play games and get a funnel cake or whatever. I love it. I love that vibe. The sun's going down. You're walking around. I love that shit, man. Love a summertime carnival.

I do, too. I've never been to a parking lot carnival, though. It's been a while. Really? Are you serious? Yeah, I've never been to one. I bet there's some in the valley that we could hit. Yeah, it's just like a regular carnival, I guess.

I mean, but you don't need to go through the rigmarole of getting a wristband or whatever. You just go. I hate the rigmarole. And the ones in the parking lot, you can always tell. You're like, yo, this is an operation where these guys, they travel and do this. No permits. Just one city to the next. Fly by night. Some of them are teens. teens you're like are you being trafficked do they have like the fun fried food at those two they do that's

the only thing that they do that they have that is trademarked the rest of the shit they're like this is spongebob square pan wait a second i love that vibe i i like it less now than i would but like you know going to like the county fair back in sioux falls where we'd always go to that punching bag where all the tough guys would hang out that thing that you'd punch and uh it'd let you know how hard you hit you remember that thing yeah yeah did the tough guys hang out there like it was a song from greece yeah i think that's where the tweens hang out. That's awesome. They would sit and do that thing, man, a couple times.

Oh, we were. Do you ever do the sledgehammer? Yeah, I've done that at the Oregon State Fair. I love that. I don't know if my mustache would have already told that story before I could. Did you have one of those tank tops that went down your belly button? Yeah. And striped pants on? That's how Action Bronson got buff is just playing one of those tank tops that like went down your belly button yeah and striped pants on that's how action brought bronson got buff is just playing one of those

yeah dude he gets he got buff in the craziest way all he does is fuck around with hammers and clubs yeah he's just lifting like like neolithic tools yeah he's an interesting dude i can't i don't know what to make of it yeah he's he's still got fat guy legs yeah also when someone speaks that much in hyperbole you never know what to believe yeah i don't know where you're at i can't tell where you're at he might be he might be dead lifting like a 92 volkswagen golf or that could just be one of the song lyrics yeah yeah swimming in the money like i'm greg leganis isn't that something he says anyways the point is i love a good it doesn't have to be a parking lot carnival but that is the one that i'm thinking of in my head for sure that's

the vibe yeah but yeah absolutely i love a good cheap ass carnival yeah they're fantastic yeah i'm gonna go to one in your honor this summer. You're going to love it. Michael Malloy, your third pick. All righty. We didn't get one last year and had planned to go the year before but didn't end up making it. Summer League. Oh, yeah. That would be fun.

Are you going this year? I think so. It's August 8th to 15th, and I want to go, and I want to enjoy myself. There you will see Detroit Pistons rookie Cade Cunningham. We just found out. The lottery just happened. Shouts to our buddy Shocker. He's got something to live for now.

Shouts to Shocker. Shocks to Shouter, dude. Shocks to Shouter, bro. When were you saying the last time Detroit got a first pick? buddy shocker he's got something to live for now shots the shocker shocks the shouter dude shocks the last time detroit got a first pick like 49 years yeah it's been something crazy like that like dave bing i want to say her no bro i think that was i don't even think dave bing was that's back when they let those guys play basketball guys named dave yeah we're gonna first dave dave bing seems really good well there's no one named there's no montreal in in this draft there's a dave there's a dave bob lenear was the last one even worse what i feel like bob lenear was like well well, I was injured selling dryers, so I had to go to the NBA. Yeah. It's either join the NBA or be a 36-year veteran senator from the state of Massachusetts.

What the fuck? Bob Lanier and Dave Bing. Yeah, I was wrong. Dave Bing was the second overall pick. Oh, okay. How did you know that? It's not like he was the mayor of Detroit. It's not like he didn't go on to do stuff dave

bing i don't know what the you okay but we're crazy for knowing about cocaine and reggae music yeah you're talking about dave bing who i'm pretty sure he'll get you a great deal on a or a serta yeah yeah whatever you're feeling it's not dave's mattress it's your mattress he's just gonna get you in it you know i'm talking about dave's mattress it's your mattress he's just gonna get you in it you know i'm talking about dave bing dude detroit mayors is what you know about i listened to it like a while i i probably know more about detroit mayors than many other mayors but i've listened to like a bunch of podcasts about detroit as far because like that kwame kilpatrick guy was like a giant crook.

Is that what you're doing in there? No, I mean, this is like back when I was driving a lot like Kwame Kilpatrick and the guy that was the chief in Beverly Hills Cop was like an actual. I know that he was a real cop. Judge Reinhold? No. No. Dave Bing?

No. Bob Lemire? Something Gil. Jerry West. Kendall Gil. No. Dave Bang? No. Bob Lemire? Something Gil. Jerry West. Kendall Gil. No. Was it Kendall Gil? No, it was Gil Hill was the guy's name.

Oh, Gil Hill? Yeah. Gil Hill? Yeah, and he played Eddie Murphy's boss in Beverly Hills Cop. Gil Hill sounds like goofy laughing. Gil Hill? Gil Hill? Gil Hill?

Gil Hill? Gil Hill? Gil Hill? Gil Hill. Gil Hill. Gil Hill. Gil Hill. Gil Hill. Yeti Summer League. That's going to be fun. I've been to Summer League recently on the podcast Nick Manpay, and we got blackout drunk

in Izakaya Place with, I think, Tuck Hoops was there. Yeah. I imagine he'll be down there. Yeah. None of that was hard to sell me on. None of it. All of that. Pretty believable story.

Yeah. Sean, bring the baby. Sean sean bring the baby sean bring the baby bring your next pick right after i'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick right after mike runs to the bathroom real quick and we take a short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by policy genius policy genius i'm gonna hit you we're gonna talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and

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Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save that's policygenius.com cutty sark's way bucker than i i don't think i ever had it for real before i met you and then we would get it at the roost and i'm like i don't it always tasted gnarly to me we should just come back on sean talking about cuddy sark yeah right that's good enough people should know what we're talking about during the break and it's sure these are yeah it is that was

one of the worst bits i ever put out into the world people brought you cuddy sark paraphernalia yeah and it was like no because you're like man i'd like a nice bottle of johnny black or something you don't that doesn't have to it's cuddy sark by necessity yeah at this point in my life i don't even i don't really want a bottle of whiskey that's why our new our new bit is audemars pugeot watches yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah buy me one of those i couldn't could i not say the name who knows all right am i on number three here it's time for your third pick i want to go to a blockbuster oh Oh, damn! That was on mine too. That was on mine too. I haven't, and I want to go see Fast and the Furious.

I'm probably going to rent it. Oh, you mean like to a blockbuster movie. I thought you meant like to a brick and mortar. I was just like, there's one nearby you. Sean wants to rent some videos. Mom, can I get a game? Let me, let game? Let me.

Let me. Let me. Uh-huh. You said, though. I used to fucking love getting a game, though, man. You get a game? Oh. Well, that was where I'd be like, Mom, I can either watch this movie for two hours or I

can play this game for days. 72 hours. In front of the game straight. It's Friday after school. you won't see me until shit king of the hill comes on sunday night yeah man i want to go to a blockbuster i want it to be fast and furious but i'm probably gonna end up renting that but i just i'm gonna go to a movie soon well that comes out next that comes out friday right go see it what are you waiting for well they the doctors keeps they they keep saying

to act like uh maxine doesn't have any antibodies or anything they keep they keep telling us to act like like you know she could get it even though we're vaxxed and and they're like chances are low but do you want to they get in your kitchen because they're like do you want to do you want it to be because if you went to the movies and i I'm like, well, no. No, I don't want my daughter to get COVID because I went to the movie. So it's like, why would I, why was the, why is that? Why would I want that? I feel like they have to ask you that before they can let you leave with her. Yeah, for sure.

Anyway, I just want to go to a blockbuster, not a movie. I don't want to go see like Garden State. I want to go see a blockbuster. I want to go see Men in Black 3. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I want to see something that probably wouldn't be good at home master and commander of the far side of the world can i tell you something crazy about that movie yeah i saw it before it was finished what

i went to the movies uh at the at arapaho crossings i went to the chinese man theater and we were coming out me and sam t and this guy was like hey do you guys want to see a movie before it like hits the streets or whatever we were like fuck yeah so then we had to come back like a week later and we did like a test screening of that movie and like it like in certain parts it was still green screened like it wasn't finished whoa yeah i felt like they had to add the effects and stuff yeah then we had to like take a survey afterwards it was it was crazy you fell asleep during john wick too also i fall asleep during most movies there's been like some action packed like there's so much

gun noise how are you asleep what time did we see john wick too in the afternoon well you know comfortable seats if there had been less gun noise i bet you wouldn't have fallen asleep but it all bleeds into each other and then it sounds like it's like a desk fan yeah yeah it turns into white noise yeah which by the way was another gangbuster tweet that i had was uh having a kid means that your whole house needs to sound like a wind tunnel all the time uh yeah go to a blockbuster i just want to go to a movie spend a shitload of money on candy and popcorn and soda and then just sit there and veg out bro just want to veg sorry go ahead i was just gonna say i miss being younger when it was like really where i was like dog i cannot wait to see bad boys too yeah five hours in line for the dark night i mean like for real for real five hours in line

just sitting there one of the only times i've ever asked people to move so i could get the crew my whole crew in seats together was it one of the probably 15 times i went to the dark night in the theater it was straight up what i like thinking about huh is like when you're at a blockbuster and you go to get a popcorn. And the person working at the concession desk, they turn around to go get a popcorn. And when they turn back around, it's the Joker. You want to know how I got these scars? It was too much butter in my popcorn.

Wouldn't that be twisted? That would be twisted. Dude, that'd be too twisted bro you know because they're just normal and you're living in large popcorn and they turn around and they're getting it you turn back around purple suit the whole night you think it's a normal night of the movies and then turn around it's the fucking j. Purple suit cane. The whole thing. Here's your popcorn. Oh, that voice makes me feel. There's like a Joker mural painted like a couple blocks over from me at this like auto body shop.

And it's got they got every Joker on the wall. Oh, no, that's too much Joker. And because you live in North hollywood it's every joker and kobe yeah it honest to god it might be there might i think that the kobe wall is next to the joker in lakers gear dog they got every they got old ass joker they got jack nangelson joker they got baby joker from the friday movies joker with the fucking joker from hilloker they got jack nangelson joker they got baby joker from the friday movies joker with they got jared leto jared leto they got they even let him on the wall do they have uh joaquin phoenix as oscar winning the joker i don't know that they've got him up

there yet why i think it's they do have heath ledger up there they got you know the hits when i came to when I came to hang out the other day, I saw the Kobe mural. There's a Kobe mural right by Mike's house. Oh, there's like 20 of them in my neighborhood. You find a wall, there's room for Kobe. You're in real LA. Yeah, hit a blockbuster. Hit a blockbuster,

dude. That's Sean's third pick. Time for my third and fourth picks, as it is, a serpentine draft. And I don't have any idea what I'm gonna take how do you like that that's fine i was gonna here i'll get my joke and i was gonna say your uh your joker sounds like paul joker money they're like right in the middle do you want you want to know how i got these cards i watched sideways on the plane the other day good good moment when movie. When is Billions coming back? I am a season behind. Check that.

So am I. I got to watch that. Soder tweeted about it, though. I think it's coming back soon. Thank God. I'm in. I'm ready. I'm watching Flatbush Misdemeanors in the meantime.

And Z-Way's show. Showtime's got it cracking over there. Yeah, I'm still watching David Show showtime quite a bit i know my next pick this is something i haven't done yet because i've me with the i met the queen in uh quarantine and things once things loosened up we had to go see our families like back to back to back to back i'm excited to go on a date yeah yeah to go on a proper fucking date dress up dress up and then do like a couple things you know what i mean it's not just dinner and we've even just gone out to dinner just the two of us but i can't fucking wait i love dates you do love dates i know that about you it's like a whole a whole process

like you go shopping for hockey jerseys you go back home you put them on get the biggest jean shorts you can find huge just pipes go get the joker airbrushed on the hood of your prius dude if you took it into some like lowrider shop and be like will you airbrush the joker on the hood of my Prius? Maybe 10 grand. I was just going to say. I have to call the restaurant and find out how much money it's going to take for when I compliment the chef for the chef to come out in the Joker makeup. What if I'll go into the restaurant and your car is normal, but you pay somebody to make it the Joker airbrushed

by the time you come out and you and your date are just like, what happened? Guys, stop. I'm going to poo. Stop. I'm going to poo. Stop. I'm going to poo.

And you just stop. You keep apologizing to strangers like, sorry, this is so twisted, bros. I gotta go. I gotta, goddammit. Something twisted happened while we were eating dinner. Oh my gosh. I was just thinking like on those, the doors that the servers have to go through, those

ones that go like this, if they just, they fling it open. And then when it flings back, it's a painting of the Joker on the door. Like that quick. Or like each door is one side of the Joker's face. Or if, or if when your date asks for tea at the end of the night,

they bring it out and the lady lifts the, the tea kettle, the lid to the tea kettle. And it's just a picture of the Joker. Wait, hold on. Hold on. When your date asks for tea at the end of the night, does that happen to you? I don't know.

They might ask for tea or coffee or something. Each bite of your steak that you take, you realize the dinner plate is the Joker's face and you're revealing a little bit more each time. joker's face and you're revealing a little bit more each time they crack they crack the pepper over it and it turns into a picture you ask for a twisted iced tea yeah they give you your bill and it's just a joker card you're like i don't know what to do with this oh so i'm excited for that i can't wait to go on dates again yeah i just i've said it on this podcast before and if this is the one of the things i say to people where it's like if you went through a bad breakup and you're hurt and remember you get to go on fucking dates again you get to like go to a fun new restaurant and and like fucking tell your fun stories and all

that i just enjoy it i just enjoy it be charming You get to be the best you that she's ever going to see again. Best you. So she realizes all your bullshit. You get to be just the great, great you. You're the fake cheeseburger. They do in the food photography things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She doesn't know any of your past issues. Spit it into a bucket.

That's right. Exactly. It's not real. None of this is real. And my fourth pick, I'm going to two of these this summer, and this kind of follows the dates. Weddings. I can't wait to go to fucking weddings again. Gosh.

Yeah. I love a good wedding. Everybody's horny in the right way. Yeah, they're fun horny. Yeah, they're fun horny. Everybody's fun horny at a wedding. You're dancing. You're dancing with different people.

You're out on the floor. It's a big collective experience. There'sny. Everybody's fun horny at a wedding. You're dancing. You're dancing with different people. You're out on the floor. It's a big collective experience. There's cake. There's food. You're supposed to get a little bit fucked up. Yeah. You're having inappropriate talks with people. You know what I mean?

Yeah. The bride's grandma was telling me about the first time she got finger blasted. Yeah. I heard an 89-year-old say finger blasted. Yeah, because it's like we're at a wedding we weren't supposed to be together anyways there's always somebody there who like has a crush on either the bride or the groom and they're telling like a family member like you know it should have been me up there i mean we used to date that's all i'm saying it's we you know if i didn't go to if i didn't go to uruguay when i did we probably would have ended up together sean do you have yours back on the on the calendar yet i'm thinking i'm thinking april uh yeah that's kind

that's what i'm shooting for and i'm gonna have like a one-year-old almost that's gonna be wild oh yeah shotgun wedding baby dude why are you getting married not because of max huh not because of you she's you're gonna be able i'm gonna when she's 13 i'm gonna tell her that she was at her parents wedding yeah she'll know she's also gonna know she was born on 69 so what do you want to do there's no escaping that yeah that's right that's day one i just can't wait i've talked about how much i love weddings on here before but it's like my favorite kind of party i just love i love everything i love the kind of music the kind of food that all no like no djs trying too hard at a wedding they all know what they're doing yeah

yeah i'm they're not trying to play like grave diggers unreleased cuts yeah no unless the unless that's the first dance yeah let's yeah the daddy daughter dance to grave diggers grave diggers bang your mother fucking head call it what you wanna call it i'm a fucking alcoholic that's the first dance dude yeah i know that's not grave diggers but i thought that would also be a funny song right one day we have to draft that we we have an idea when cordon comes back on it'll be tight too uh weddings sean time for your fourth pick i want to properly properly chill at the mall ah i gotta go true to me i want to go to the mall i want to properly do it i want to eat i want to have everybody chilling i don't want it to be a rush i don't want to feel weird i want to go into places i want to maybe buy something look at stuff i want to lollygag

i want to do the whole thing properly go to the mall walk around the whole place two or three times with you ian get some coffee all of it that's what i want to do that is me that is very true to me and that is something that i have missed dearly is going to the mall i'm i'm ready yeah you just let me know i'm getting there i. I went to the Lloyd Center the other day for an eye appointment, and I was just like, oh, man, I wanted to just be in the mall. But I was like, don't do it. It's stupid. Don't just walk around to do it. Go walk around outside if you want to walk around.

But I was there, and I was like, I like the mall. I do. So I just want to properly be in a mall. And now, you know, maybe pick up like a beanie or a pair of shoes or something i'll go shopping a little bit you know i want to get someone to treat myself i had a father's day the other day yeah get myself a little father's day treat you know i was out here you should yeah so yeah then for the sake of time we don't need to dwell but yeah i want to chill at the mall i'm going to the mall tomorrow to buy i bought uh cubs dodgers tickets and and dana is from highland park illinois we're going to go get her a Cubs hat.

So she gets beat up in the parking lot. Are you going to get a Dodgers hat? I already have a Dodgers hat. Get her a Cubs hat and a knife and then you guys will be good. The mall here doesn't have a knife store. That's the one problem with it. That's the one problem, man. You got to go to the sister mall to get the knife store.

Like they didn't have one at the Empire Mall, but had one at the western mall i'll tell you that army surplus david time for your fourth pick and then wait is it not mike yeah mikey mike mike sorry mike um i'm gonna go with this is the summer that i think that i convince ian to buy a boat for us i love it that it's for us i love it that's on my list his boat is on my list i'll rent buy a boat for us. I love it that it's for us. I love it. That's on my list. His boat is on my list. I'll rent us a boat. Like a team boat. It'll be good for like for you know morale I think.

I think it'd be great for morale. How much is a boat? 30 grand? 30 grand? What's that? You get a boat for 30 grand? How much is a boat? I'm not sure I can get you a boat for six. David's got a boat guy. See we can get a boat guy. I mean I don't. I have I have a guy. And that guy has a boat? David's got a boat guy. See, we can get a boat guy. I mean, I have a guy. And that guy has a boat. Hence, boat guy.

I'm volunteering to cover all the costs of renting us a boat. You point me the boat. I don't know where you can even get a boat. Big Bear Lake, whatever. I'll get us that boat for a weekend. If we were going to rent a boat, we should just rent a gang of jet skis.

That's a fucking fact. That's for real. With the boat, we'd be better off buying the boat and then renting the boat out. And we can make our money on the back end. Because you could be like, this is TV's Ian Connell's boat. And you could have like, it'd be like Airbnb, but for Ian's boat. You know that a boat is like the worst investment, right? Spoken like a man with a full bar behind him. Good job.

I would love to get us a boat. I'm not... What kind of boat are we talking? Like a cigarette boat? A fishing boat? No, just like a 20 footer. Like a party barge? Pontoon. All day. Yeah, sure.

Get the Traeger out there. Where are we taking the boat? To the ocean? Yeah. Where are we taking this boat? Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm used to. I fucking grew up on the Atlantic, baby. I forget that Mike is very boat savvy.

I am. I also grew up on boats. I like a boat, but like... Yeah, didn't your father live in a boat? He lived on a floating home, but he's had boats since i was born we're not going to the ocean in a but we're not getting like a whale watching catamaran this is like a chilling on the lake boat yeah but like it could handle it if it needed to yeah you take it a couple miles yeah all right fine till we don't see land no but but bo boating was the real pick.

Okay, boating. All right. All right, cool. Not actually convincing Ian to buy a boat, even though, you know. We could go to any lake in Sioux Falls adjacent. We could go to Wall Lake, Lake Elvin, Lake Bahoya, Lake Vermilion if we want to drive a little bit. So anywhere you want to go, I'm fine with it. Ricky Lake.

Ricky Lake, yeah. Lake Bell. We could go to, yeah. Me drinking less has hampered our odds of me buying a boat. That's fine. Because if it was going to happen, it would happen on one of your rally drinking days where all of a sudden it's 3 o'clock and I'm on boats.com.

That's why I'm trying. Yeah, I got to get you out of the house and on one of these relay drinks. We got to get an Uber to Chatsworth that says we can pick it up tonight. We could get it tonight. They're abandoning boats out here. We could get a an Uber to Chatsworth that says we can pick it up tonight. We could get it tonight. They're abandoning boats out here. We can get a boat for free, I bet.

We all have to go, though. We can't just be one of us. Like, five of us have to show up. I don't want to just go by a boat and then you guys are doing something else. I'm pretty drunk, but if it's four of us, they won't think we're all drunk. Yeah. I don't know why that reminded me, when you were when you were doing your late late show appearance and you the car came to get us at the house you weren't even there we just pile in like the goon

squad like we're gonna go see our boy on tv oh yeah because i rode with you guys too i was like yeah we're all we're all drinking jamo in the room ian's at work and they had the best fucking uh that bar you guys throw a great free show we do it right over there no offense conan ha ha sayonara they got those massage chairs at conan though that are pretty they do but they didn't have a great they did have sandwiches it's not like it's not like the late late spread at all pretty good cupcakes at Conan, too. Yeah. You guys need to start having people talk Jim Jam into having me on. Then I can come hang out.

You do TV now? You do TV? I'll make an exception for Jim Jam, dude. He's dank. All right. All right. All right. Don't do TV.

No, he's doing TV. No, he's doing TV. Man of his word? I guess not. We can put TV on the resume and take man of his word i guess not you put tv on the resume and take man of his word off it i got a daughter now so you know daughter i got a daughter daughter uh david time for your fourth and then your final picks last round will be a lightning round last round is a lightning round my fourth pick for the summer draft is a road trip i love a good summer road trip especially when it's for comedy and you're like coming into town as the sun's going down and you're just like yeah i'm about to fuck tulsa up yeah get to the room real quick yeah get to the

room wash your balls off because you got to be downstairs yeah i must do again real quick before you get to the club then ain't gonna be the way to go at the club so you do it at the hotel and then you get there it means pooping yeah yeah yeah you take one of those shits and then you just like take a shower and then like look out the window like i'm really doing it one of those half hour nap shits where like you poop and you feel like you took a great nap yeah yeah yeah yeah i just i'm and and i just love the way the country looks in the summer One of those half hour nap shits where like you poop and you feel like you took a great nap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just, and,

and I just love the way the country looks in the summer. Everything's green and shit like that. I love driving through America in the summer road trip. Dude. Excellent. And my final pick is, Oh, making out at sundown.

Ooh, nice. No, I'm not going to explain it on sunday you don't have to mike your final pick lightning round uh i'm gonna go with uh go to a wrestling show i haven't been to one since the pandemic started and would like to excellent sean your final pick uh i want to stroll my daughter around the neighborhood oh yeah yeah you can do that after this i was gonna say can you can't you we don't have it we're missing a wheel on the stroller i gotta i got a wheel situation to figure out where to go were you parking it outside what happened it's like one of those

big indies industrial strollers i was gonna say it's an indie stroller like it's modest master steal it for its ribs like what are you talking about it's got a wheel that you need to attach and i don't know where that other wheel is in there yeah i'll figure it out anyway stroll the daughter around the hood around the hood uh and my final pick oh i'm going off the dome still here oh go on fucking vacation i'm doing yeah totally in about a month now it's dropping i'm going to kawaii yeah i'm going horseback riding i'm going on a boat tour yeah all sorts of exotic fruits and fish are you gonna scuba i know you're a scuba man i might scuba yeah you got to be sure to text dana every day and let her know how much fun you're having yeah i'm gonna wish i wish we could afford two people but somebody had to watch the cats you're doing

all this dank shit and you're like man you just couldn't couldn't swing it man it's so nice here she's just like i was gonna pay and you're like no it's cool but i just couldn't so yeah we can't afford to take an anna cat sitter plus my birthday's coming up so you gotta make sure you give me something nice and she's just like yeah i was going to and you're like no that's cool like don't worry about it but i'm here uh marissa do you have a pick yeah i'm now uh well as sean mentioned i'm now really stoked for these all fantasy everything live shows but i'm more specifically excited just to meet uh the listeners meet the fans yeah i'm I'm usually an introvert by nature, but I,

I really do like meeting all fantasy, everything fans. So if you see me in Denver or Portland, come say hi. Marissa pops a Molly before the show. So she's like social. Yeah. We want to hear yours.

Hit us up at all fantasy pod on Twitter, all fantasy podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the all fantasy, everything Patreon on the slackity, everyone on the afe subreddit we love you shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude shout out to haji beats and more important than all of that tune in again next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything Sha-clackity!