All Fantasy Everything - Things You Can Binge (w/ Caitlin Weierhauser, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

Sometimes I enjoy slow, sometimes I enjoy QUICK. The GVG is joined by King Cait, comedian, raconteur, solid dude Caitlin Weierhauser, to draft things you can binge. Episode Guests:Caitlin Weierhauser @unclecait IG: @unclecaitSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is trying to find the energy for it, guys. Trying to find the energy for it, folks. Just trying to, I don't know, digging into my pocket. Ain't nothing but sweat in the palm of my hand. Hey, man. They're deeper.

They're deeper pockets. Oh, I got another pocket. Oh, there it is. Yeah, yeah. See, that's why you wear cargo shorts. That's why you wear cargo shorts. Man of many pockets. I found the energy in that. You hear that, haters?

Yeah. I'll say this right now. Anti-cargo shorts, weightest. Because they look good on fat people. I don't get it, man. They look better on fat people. Cargo shorts seem to offend a certain aspect. I got a thick thigh anyway, you know, so it's like

might as well throw another pocket on there. I love you in chinos. I don't love you in cargo shorts. I don't wear them anymore. There I said it. I don't wear them anymore, but there was a time when I couldn't afford the high fashion that I wear right now. No. They will make it for some reason they made cargo shorts, which are a pant

for explorers and people in the military. That's what they made in big people sizes. Yeah. The two things we probably weren't doing. Yeah. Just real tactical. They're a tactical pant and that's what they made for fat people. Can I say I met a dude at the airport? Yeah. Like an actual

just a funny, guy and he was cheesing on himself and he goes yeah i've got my lady repellent outfit on because it was on st patty's day he's like the only green shirt i have is hulk he's like i'm just repelling these ladies he's like i'm probably gonna go put flip-flops and cargo shorts on later and just keep them away just keep them away i'm like that's really funny. It's all, it's all that, you know, Hulk shirt with cargo pants and flip flop shorts and flip flops. I picture that dude.

The last girl I dated before I left Portland. Yeah. We were making out and I was wearing cargo shorts. And then later on she tweeted, I can't believe I just made out with a guy on cargo shorts. Oh, whatever. But I was like,

but you did. Fair. But you did. I wasn't giving him shit for wearing velour pants with juicy across the ass. That's also stupid. No, that's cute. Well, I don't know if it's stupid. It says juicy on your butt.

You have a kid. You have a fucking kid. That's wild. Those are the people that wear them, children or people that have kids, and both are like, ew. Yeah, it's like both, yeah. None of these people need to say tumble across their ass. It's couture, bro.

I don't even know what that means, dog. I don't either, but I've seen it. That's what it is, though. I've seen it on Windows. I've seen it on the internet. There's only one couture I recognize, and it's Randy. It's that kind of podcast. That kind of, damn, that was a good one. It's the. It's that kind of podcast.

That kind of damn. That was a good one. Randy Couture ass podcast. What kind of pants are those? Randy Couture. Boom. Right in the face. Somebody said it's Couture. I just think they're talking about MMA.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Randy. Got it. Mm-hmm. Go on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's always wearing like Gucci and like Fendi and like all of a sudden.

Yeah, it's pretty Couture. You're like, wow, wait. Man, I don't know. I feel it. Real naked choke, baby. it's pretty couture. You're like, wow, wait. I don't know. I feel it. Rear naked choke, baby. What did Rear Naked Couture get into after MMA? Sean S. Jordan in the crib in the recording live for the Fortress of Solid Dudes this evening.

What's up? Oh, man. What's up, bro? Damn. How are you living? I'm living good, man. How are you? I'm good.

I'd be better if you unclench that jaw and talk to me like a person. No, David. He had a wired. I got a bug bite, man. I'm over here freaking out. He are you? I'd be better if you unclenched that jaw and talked to me like a person. No, David. He had a wired. I got a bug bite, man. I'm over here freaking out. He's got a spider bite behind his ear. He made me touch it, and he's already taken a picture of it.

I said, does this look like a bug bite? And Kaylin goes, what is that? And then she touched it. I feel like I was coerced. So now you've got it, too. Is it probable? No, you've got it. You've got it, Ben.

That's not how any of this. Is that Usher? Yeah, no, Usher's in the house. Is it probable? That's not. Now you've got it. You've got it, Ben. That's not how any of this. Is that Usher? Yeah, no, Usher's in the house. That was me. That was me. Damn, Usher must be staying with Zach or something. I just heard Usher. Oh, that'd be a sex hero.

I could not hang out with both of them at the same time. Usher and Zach? That'd be. What am I supposed to do? Hey, guys, it's just me, Usher, and Zach. Every sandwich is Ben. I don't know why I decided to go to a pool party with them. Dude.

Because it would be that. It would only be that. I don't think I would, man. You know, Usher is hanging out in like a really cool pool. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that.

What's a really cool pool versus a... I like a... I like a pool. Yeah. I like a bad pool. I mean, we're going to a pool. We're going to a pool this weekend. We're pooling.

Man. We're pooling our resources. Doped I mean, we're going to a pool. We're going to a pool this weekend. We're pooling. We're pooling up. We're pooling our resources. We're going to Palm Springs. Yeah, we're going to Palm Springs. Playing with them, boys. Listen to Kenny Loggins the whole time. I'm going to eat a Caprese sandwich. Oh, I love that. I'm going to get

some sort of like flowing pink sort of button-up situation. I think I have some Chino shorts. The amount of teal you're going to see on your boy. I might get some slides. You want to go to the... We should get some new slides. We could go to the mall.

You don't have slides either? We should get some slides. I mean, I'm wearing slides literally right now. Oh, yeah. But I need some better slides. You need some Palm Desert slides. We can all go tomorrow or Friday. Okay. I cannot go on Thursday as I will have just slides. You need some Palm Desert slides. We can all go to the Palm Slides. Tomorrow or Friday. Okay.

I cannot go on Thursday as I will have just gotten two fillings. Two fillings. And I shan't be in the mood. No. I'll be taking myself to Captain Marvel and then going to bed early. They barely even hurt, though. Yeah, it's not like surgery surgery. Do they not hurt anymore?

I haven't had any for like 15 years. I just had my first two fillings a couple months ago. Really? Yeah. Yeah, you're going to be fine. All right. I'm still going to Captain Marvel, bro. If you call out of work, call out of work. Oh, I'm not. No, no. going to be fine. All right. I'm still going to be after Marvel, bro. If you call out of work,

call out of work. Oh, I'm not. Take a couple dials and all and you'll be fine. I'm going to work at five in the morning so I can go straight to the dentist after work. And it's barfed. You'll be a little.

Marissa edited out the noise, but I barfed hard. You'll be a little tender, but it's not bad. I'm telling you. Shout out to Super Marissa. Marissa, seriously, shit holes, man. I think it feels like they're going to fire me,

so I'm like rushing to get this dental work done. Here's what I think. It's mine. Seven months after you've been trying to quit. I think you're a fine worker, and they're not going to fire you. I'm scared to quit. So if they fire me, it's like what? They're not.

I don't think they're going. It's that, right? Or I quit for this tour. I mean, that's what it's going to boil down to. OK, but I don't think they're going to fire you. Well, fuck, man. You always say that, but I. They'd be firing people. I think, well, I it's going to boil down to. Okay, but I don't think they're going to fire you. Well, they... You always say that, but I... They'd be firing people. Well, I don't know. What do I know?

I don't know the inner workings of this company. That's true. I've never been inside. If they fire you, though, dude... I've only hung out outside. What do we do? We're going down there and we're thanking them. Thank you for the opportunity. Strippergrams for all of you.

It was great. I really enjoyed getting to know everyone here. Did you say strippergrams? Yeah. Is it appropriate if you get a male and a female strippergram? Yeah. And then just send it to the office? Yeah.

To the Late Late Show office? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Really, really, really, really, really. The other day I was CBS's head issues. Keep going to the Late Late Show office. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, no. Really? Really, really, really, really. The other day, CBS has had issues. Keep going to the Late Late Show. We had some top-down issues. Top-down?

Stuff that never touched our particular wing of the Columbia Broadcasting System. Swizz Beatz, man. Fascinating. Rod Wood, my top-down. Faded is every Friday. Faded's every Friday. At 8 o every Friday. At 8 o'clock.

At 8 o'clock. It's been sick. It has been good, man. It's been really good. The live All Fantasy Everything here in Los Angeles, California went swimmingly. That was amazing. And we will be having more of them. Stay tuned for that. Yeah, man. Come back out, y'all. We had a day. That was super fun. We had quite a day.

We went bowling. And then I went to work. Yeah, we went bowling. We went to Lucky Strike. You ever been there, Kate? No. They filmed an fun. We had quite a day. We went bowling. And then I went to work. Yeah, we went bowling. We went to Lucky Strike. You ever been there, Kate? No. They filmed an episode of Entourage there. Bro. Sean.

Yeah, there it is. Nobody even gets it, by the way, because the last- We started with- Oh, damn, dude. Sean probably said it 50 times that day. There she is. There she is. 50. And we also both like Entourage.

Yeah, I think it's a fun show. Like, it was a fun fact that that happened, but like, you really ran into the ground. Oh, man. Also. I mean, it was cool that they filmed Entourage. Did you know that? They filmed an episode. Yeah, they filmed an episode there.

I am bad at bowling. Yeah, I don't know what happened. It's like hard. It's hard. Do you start strong and then just gradually lose your shit because that's what the fuck i do exactly what happened i come in real humble focused yes and then i get confident and then i'm throwing them in the wrong lane yes it's just going but i'm losing shoes i'm throwing i threw like hard gutter balls i was putting up kevin duckworth's left and right yeah

it was crazy like you you got it's like when golfers get the shakes or whatever. The yips, man. The yips. Yeah, you just start. It started. Yeah. You were telling me how to throw in the beginning. I was.

Yeah, that was crazy. What are the yips? I don't know what that means. The yips are like. Mental block. Yeah. Well, you call them the Greek. I don't know.

It was a racial slur. Either what that means. Oh, sure, sure. Like we call Greek people yips. Yeah. I'm on board with it. Yeesh. Are we? Is that? I don't know. They're white means. Oh, sure, sure. Like we call Greek people yips? Uh-huh. I'm on board with it. Yeesh. Are we? Is that? I don't know. They're white, right? Yeah, the Greeks, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're good to go. I started to get pretty pissed off when we were bowling. You started getting pretty pissed off? That's unacceptable. It's hilarious because it couldn't matter less and you were getting... It so pisses me off when I'm doing something that a caveman should be able to do. I could have rusted marshmallow on you.

You were getting hot. It makes me feel like trash talk would shut you down. No. It was the most supportive environment to do bad at bowling. I don't like doing things I'm bad at all that much. Dog, you got to get over that. What? You got to, because you're bad at everything in the beginning.

You're only good at rollerblading. Thinking about doing a show in Sioux Falls, I think, at the end of April. Think hard about it, dude. Are you going to be there? When in the end of April? I don't know. I'm not sure. Because Laura's grandma's...

I got to go to her funeral. So it's in North Dakota. So it's a late one. It's like months later. Oh, so you just killed the club. Yeah, it's in North Dakota. So they made it like months later so everybody could go so grandma passed

a while ago but thinking about running through Sioux Falls and doing a show but I'll figure it out cause I'm gonna be in Omaha at the end of April really

we'll talk about it yeah we'll talk about it anyway and I have yeah you're going to Florida well I have to be in Florida

Portland on the 27th of April oh for what off that whole week oh nice Elisa Carmel's engagement party oh that's mine to be in Portland on the 27th of April. Oh, for what? Off that whole week. Oh, nice. Elisa Carmel's engagement party. Oh! That's mine! She's my favorite.

Hi, sis. I missed her. I wanted to see her. I think that's the day of the funeral, though. Caitlin Warehouse is in the crib. Yes. It's been a while. It has been a while. It has never happened. Well, on AFV?

Yeah. Or have you been to the crib before? You've never done this show? No. At New Year's, we all hung out and had a lovely time. We hung out on New Year's. Absolute. Absolutamente. God, yeah, we did.

Absolutamente. It was a fun Eve. I was in bed by two. It was puppies. Yeah. Oh, I was tucked right in. Oh, yeah. I was gone.

Yeah. We met our goal that night. That was our goal on New Year's. To be in bed by 2. And we fucking did it, bro. Love it. Aren't those fun, weird little goals? I had one last night to be in bed by 10.30. I was in bed by 10.05, probably.

It was sick. I didn't know that you'd never been a guest. This is thrilling. In my heart. Part of the family. You'd never been a guest. I've been. This is thrilling. In my heart. Yeah. Well, hell yeah. This is sick. Part of the family. You think they were a guest?

I don't know. I thought it might've been when, I don't know. I just figured it happened. You want to start prodding through that? I'm sweating. I'm getting nervous. You've been on fucking,

what, dude, what did that, what did that bug do to you, man? Damn. Is it eating my brain? I feel like you would've known if Kate was a guest before.

Did you see a tick going into my brain? I did. I mean, there was that worm that was actively, violently burrowing into your head. I'm hot. My tongue's numb. There was no a tick going into my brain? I did. I mean, there was that worm that was actively, violently burrowing into your head. I'm hot. My tongue's numb.

But there was no fang marks. My pinkies are burning. Is this real? This is all Shane stuff. Okay. You got liver babies? I think you need more than a dentist, Bob.

Kaelin, fresh off of doing 12 headlining sets in two weeks. Damn, Gina. In two weeks, what do you got coming up? Three, four.

Sure. Back to Boise. They know me there coming up? Tree four. Back to Boise. They know me there. They love me there. Back to Boise, Boise. You are the king of Boise. I am. There's a Taco John's there. King of Boise City, baby.

You ever go to Taco John's in there? In the Boise? No. I stay pretty busy. Get some potato olay. I've been to Taco John's in, I think, Vegas. Somewhere in the Midwest, probably. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That makes sense. I feel like they could be in Vegas. Maybe. You know what the Midwest is? Young and Restless, probably. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I feel like they could be in Vegas. Maybe. You know what the Midwest is? Young and restless? Yeah, yeah, dude. Okay.

You don't adjust your glasses at me ever again. That's the last time. This bug bite's thinking for me. Take them off. This bug bite adjuster. If I took my glasses off, man, I can't be Scott Storch with my glasses off. Once he takes those glasses off, they have to taste blood. That's the only thing. Ladies and gentlemen, you might have thought Zach Toscani was in the room

gentlemen it would be bananas if this is just how my vision for everybody listen I have my glasses off right now if this is how my vision was holy crap what a great audio everybody think about the worst you can see. What a fun thing this is. Anyway, I'm at Uncle Kate.

Yeah. At Uncle Kate across platform. That's right. Oh yeah, Sean and Jordan, Sean Cougar, Mel and Jordan on the gram. A lot of those. Uncle Kate across platform. That's Kate with a C. A-I-T. Uncle with the traditional spelling of the word uncle.

L-I-N too. Some people throw that Y in there. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Names are hard. So they can see you in Boise this week. And what else is going on? Warming up the roast battle next week. Hell yeah.

And then stay tuned because there's some stuff maybe happening. Some stuff brewing. Later. Start changing. I'm going to be in upstate New York. Just like getting in touch with it. Just like that.

April 12th. Just going to Ithaca. Maybe teaching a couple classes. I've been up there to that college she's doing. Yeah. St. Lawrence. Oh, St. Lawrence College. Absolute.

I've never been, but. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Saints, you know. Sure. We're fans of them. Me and old Simon Gibson. Oh, you. Lawrence College. Absolute. I've never been, but. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Saints, you know. Sure. We're fans of them. Me and old Simon Gibson. Oh, you and Simon Gibson? Yeah.

That's going to be fun. That's going to be a fun little comedy. He's going to go to St. Lawrence and talk about comedy. Sean O'Connor and I are going to Florida State. That's wild. Yeah. What? You and Sean O'Connor is going to court shop that motherfucker down.

420, bro. That's so sick. bro Sean smoke weed? I don't know but I do So fuck him and fuck you too Sean don't need to smoke weed at FSU but I do So fuck him and fuck you too Kidding he's a saint by Shane's album You know how it is man Fuck him and fuck you too. Kidding, he's a saint. By Shane's album.

You know how it is, man. Yeah. It's been a long day. Kate, what else is going on? So you're going to be bouncing around. This is your first time on All Fantasy Everything. It is. For those of you who don't know, Kate, Portland comedian. Yeah.

I moved there because of you. Tell me. Me? Oh, I didn't know that. From where? From where? Dive in a little bit. I moved there because of you. Dummy? Oh, I didn't know that. From where? Dive in a little bit. I met Bori when I first started becoming a fan of stand-up in San Francisco. I was living in San Francisco.

Rage quit my salary job. I love it. And had been to Bridgetown, snuck into shows, had had a great time, had seen you and Ron, had seen who else? some just badass ladies and then i loved it so i started in i've been in it for five years how many years ago is that 2014 yeah 2012 and 13 crazy smoking weed outside of acme um but yeah the scene was so good and Nicole Clemetson,

shout out. Shout out. From SD. Hell yeah. Shout out Nicole Clemetson. Had to introduce me to Sean because they'd done, I think a photo shoot.

Oh, with Ron too. Yeah, so it was like this crew of Portland stuff that I love so much. And I've lived in Portland but only for like a couple months before, like maybe nine months

in my life before that. And I was like, man, I gotta do this. I gotta start comedy. I just turned 30. Oh, that's super cool. That's amazing. And I gotta do it in Portland.

No, I had no idea. I honestly, I thought you lived there. I didn't know. No. I saw Caitlin Gill and Bori in San Francisco and I was like, oh fuckers, I really want to do this. Yeah. So they're the reason I want to do it.

They're the reason I'm in Portland. When you just see someone. We're all doing it. We're all doing it. to do it. They're the reason I'm in Portland. When you just see someone. We're all doing it. We're all doing it. Here we are. Fucking killing shit. Really wanted to be able to take you on the road more often, but you've already graduated from it.

Oh, I'm still available for good paying. All right, cool. Feature gigs. My rate's a little higher, but it's good. It's still good. It's still reasonable. You can afford me. Cool guy. I can't reasonable. You can afford me. Cool guy.

I can't because I'm doing very well. That's the trick you see. Very well. David 40 in the studio, bro. I don't know. What do I call it? David 40 over there. David 40.

David 32, dude. Oh, damn. No, this is a 40. Is it a 40? Yeah. Yeah, Bud Light does me up right. David 40, dude. That's damn. No, this is a 40. Is it a 40? Yeah. Yeah, Bud Light does me up right. David 40, dude. That's mostly.

Bud is silent. Oh. The G is silent on Twitter. Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. There he goes. Get the t-shirt now. Is it still available? Yeah, there's a few more left.

Thursday? At officialdavidborey.com. Get your official David Borey merchandise. We made 75 of them. That's not a lot. They're real cute. That's not a lot. Thank you.

They're real cute. Made and pressed, designed and pressed in Denver, Colorado. Hell yeah. The business is black owned because it's me and this dude Tramiel. And yeah. Because it's me and this dude Tramiel. Denver, Colorado. Worst Portland.

A lot of people don't know that. It is a much worse Portland. I feel like people always throw Denver, Portland, and San Francisco in the same bag. And they're completely different cities. They're so different. They are. Like, completely. But people pretend like they're like, why?

Because we're liberal in the West. Like completely different cities. Man, they couldn't be like, to me, Portland and Denver couldn't be more different. And every time I'm there, people are like, it's like Portland. That's like almost every city that we go to, though, you know, for comedy. Boise, they were trying to pull that on me too. Of course they were. I've been given that one before.

They were like, oh, don't you think it's kind of the Portland of Idaho? No. Well, I mean,'s kind of the Portland of Idaho? No. Well, I mean, okay, but the Portland of Idaho. That's just a city where I'm not actively getting my ass kicked. No, that's not. You can't even tater tot a French fries. It's still not healthy. So now I have the perfect line for it.

Have you been tipped with a crystal? Then no, it's not the Portland. Boise is the Portland of Idaho. We'll move on from the Boise talk. David Boy, what do you got coming up? Okay. Okay. Okay.

3.30, I'm going to be in Denver. Pretty good. Yeah, you know, I'm talented. 3.30, I'm going to be in Denver headlining the Bug Theater for the new Grawlix show. At 3.30. At 3.30. Probably starts later than that.

Yeah, you know, we do what we do and we do it how we do it. Might start around like 4. And then what else is, you know, come to Faded every Friday, April. Oh yeah, April 23rd and the link is up now. I think you can go to the link on my website.

April 23rd I am open, er, me and Sam Talent are co-headlining the Denver Comedy Works. Ooh. The South Club. So remember that, the South Club. And then April, I believe, 25th and 26th, also on my website if you want to double check,

I am opening for Eric Andre at the Funny Bone in Omaha, Nebraska. Yeah. And then, you know, after that, you know, I'm just, I'm bopping. I'm out here. About to be Cromaha. About to be Cromaha. The funny bone, man.

You ever been there? Not the Omaha one. I've done a bunch of funny bones, though. That one, they play the Kill Bill music for their, when the, the Not Crazy 88 or whatever. No, it's that, it's like, it's in a Dodge or a Chevy commercial, too. No, it's that it's in a Dodge or Chevy commercial too.

No, it's that like bang, bang. Shock me down. It used to get me so stoked. Hell yeah. I like that we went through that whole soundtrack. You call it your taekwondo training? You start dropkicking people?

Just did my pattern out there. I'm going to do a choreo instead. Yeah, man. You grab two groundhogs, tie them together, start whacking people. I know how it is in Nebraska. Hog whacking. We went there for a Christmas party. Oh, Merry Christmas.

Appreciate it, man. Happy Hanukkah. We took a comedy. So the comedy club owners in Sioux Falls were like, we should go to the Omaha Funny Bone for our Christmas party. And they already had a rocky relationship with the booker there who booked our club. Because they fired her. This girl, Colleen.

Whoa. Colleen Quinn. You didn't have to say her name. Yeah, look who's saying names now. Well, no. Colleen was in the right. Colleen's great. She books Funny Bone.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. It's our shitty managers that sucked. So we go down there on this party bus. They took everyone from a bar. So by the time we got there, everybody was absolutely shit-faced. How far is that drive? Three hours. Enough.

Long enough. That's too far. And we get there and we go in and we sit down and we were just, I was doing okay because I was a comic. I'm like, I know that we're supposed to be quiet. So I was quiet. By the end of the show, every single person that I was with had been kicked out. I look behind me, they're all gone.

And I come out and our two managers were screaming at Colleen, screaming at her, calling her the worst words you can call her and they're like, we're never fucking coming back here again and Colleen's like, will you promise?

And then we left to go to a different bar and Colleen called the cops ahead of time so when we got there, the cops are like, noy. And they pretty much

kicked us out back to Sioux Falls. They're like, go back to Sioux Falls and we went to Sioux Falls that's fantastic what a move what a move

it was bananas we went to see old Louis Black I think is who we went to see oh he's funny he's fun I'm not trying to spend

too much time in Omaha unless you and David Boy hey come on for that I would absolutely go to it you're seeing Eric Andre

I'm just like I'm there too maybe I don't know I'm just like I'm there too Maybe I don't know I'm seeing you I'm probably chilling In the green room with you Hey

I like Eric Andre Quite a bit Yeah he's very funny We did go to his birthday The first year I got here Oh yeah You were the icing on the cake And you know what cake is

Without icing Delicious Bullshit Oh man What about pound cake We all just took a chance I was just laying in the cut Like I'm gonna let you guys

Volley for a while. I mean, yeah, I think it's all three of those. Vegetables? Delicious, delicious sweetbread. You know what cake without frosting is? Vegetables, bro. Seafood, dog. Straight up.

Octopus meat. Basketball. It's a basketball. I'm Ian Carmel. Ian Carmel across platforms. Yeah. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram.

Ian Carmel across platforms. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram. Ian Carmel on Jewish... An app. Jewish dead stock. Jewish sneaker finder. Ooh, Jewish sneaker finder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Idle, idle, idle.

I'm on Jewish sneaker finder. Oh, the Dead Sea stock. The Jewish goat's blood above the doors so the angel of death passes over. Whoa. Doing that whole thing, huh? Yeah. The old way.

In the old way. In the old way. In the old way. All we got is the old way, us Jews. That new way, we don't really subscribe to so much. And you're Jewish. 100% permissive and everything. Yeah.

Thank you for asking. I knew that. I think I knew that. As this is the first one we've done since the Portland shows, thank you everyone who came out. What a wonderful weekend. Oh my goodness. It was fantastic. a wonderful weekend. Oh my goodness. It was

fantastic. You all took pictures in the middle of the street. In the middle of Burnside. And it was, I noticed. Lance Bangs took our pictures. It was beautiful. And such a flex. What a flex. I would never have thought of that but Lance is like, come on. It's so good.

It's perfect. You're right. Yeah, it was cool, man. That was what? Five in the morning. No, that was like three. That was like, that was like 5. PM or something like that. Yeah.

It was right at, we just got into canards. Shout out to canard. Thank you for having us. Thank you for having us. Those steam burgers are so legit place. The live all fantasy. Everything's were truly amazing. Portland, you couldn't have been.

I mean, I knew this, but you couldn't have been a better host for us. The stand-up shows were bonkers. I mean, it was just amazing across the board. Yeah, it was very incredible. I was talking to Adam, like going from doing like the Boiler Room open mic and like Suki's and stuff, and then doing that, you just, it's a. Playing to 1,600 people over two stand-up shows and then 500 over two podcasts pretty pretty crazy very wild also getting that dim sum

you did some you lose some uh and just keep an eye on i think i think like i mean it went so well it might be a thing we uh try to make like an annual sort of thing why not right i'd be super in. Maybe build it up. We'll see. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Thanks for everybody who bought those t-shirts.

Yeah. So cool that people are just out there wearing t-shirts with our shit on them. You know who was repping AFV this weekend? Not to bring it back to Boise, but our young King Marcus Coleman. Oh, I love that. That a boy. I saw his tweet. He was like, I didn't know which AFV shirt to wear while I'm on my first feature weekend.

It was like, yeah. What was it? A flex shit. His tweet was very funny. That was a low shit. He's very funny on Twitter. Flex existential crisis. Flex existential crisis.

Shout out to Marcus Coleman. He did a set on the stand-up show. Yeah, he said he had a great time. So many funny Portland comedians. It's truly wild and like... The destination. It's a destination. It really is. But nothing makes me happier than, you know,

I'm not trying to pretend like we started the Portland comedy scene. No, no, no. We definitely like turned a new page over. Yeah. And like it, the fact that it continues to pump out comedians who performed on that show, like Marcus Coleman, like Mahana Del Shiki. Isn't he just? Yeah.

Oh, my God. It was gnarly, man. What a doll. So amazing. Becky Bronstein did a set. Kate Murphy did a set. Shane Brandon. Shane Brandon.

It was really amazing. Yeah. It was really tight, man. That was maybe the coolest thing of the entire week. It was saying that for me. And raising all that money. Oh, yeah. We raised. Thanks to the people who came out, we raised God, more than around $4,000 for the Kent Women's Village in Kenton.

Part of that was a donation from the proceeds of the tickets. Part of that was just people from the proceeds of the tickets yeah and then uh part of that was just people digging in and uh down way down digging so deep and uh giving some money over so yeah we we we got to we got to showcase important comedians raise a ton of money for a good cause yeah go to canard take pictures in the middle of the street i had a beer for every person that attended the shows yeah i had the craziest pancakes I've ever had. Good work.

The craziest what? Craziest pancakes I've ever had. Did you go to the make your own spot? No, we went to Canard. I wish you guys could have seen the disappointment in Caitlyn's face. No, it was fancy pancakes.

We were at Canard and they have the duck, which is pancakes with duck meat on them. They're canardly? Canardly. Canardly. Definitely not canarded. Third time. Certainly not that, but canardly. Canardly.

Canardly? Canardly. Conrad. Conrad. I want a pilot named Canardly Conrad. Canardly Conrad? I'm not getting on that plane I'm not getting on that plane if it's the last one off the island

Canarly Conrad was one of those pirate those pirate airplane flyers you know from Tailspin remember? yes! now adventure can begin on another Tailspin I love Tailspin

Tailspin was in love tailspin. Tailspin was with Baloo, right? That's my Baloo. You know? Actually, I like the logo book. Tailspin. Oh, yeah. Tailspin.

Oh, yeah. Tailspin. Oh, yeah. Tailspin. Now adventure can begin on another tailspin. Yeah, I love that Baloo. Chip, chip, chip, chip and Dale. Rescue Rangers. Chip, I love that. Chip and Dale. Rescue Rangers. Chip and Dale.

Where there's danger. You are really getting dangerously close to doing Baron Vaughn's bit at this point in the compilation. It's a great bit. It's my favorite thing. Sometimes, some crimes. I forgot all the words, but I know

gumshoes. They'll make some snacks I forgot all the words, but I know. Gumshoes. They'll make some snacks for you. There's no case too big, no case too small. When you need help, just call. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch Patrick Swayze I know for years as a kid because I knew like about the SNL script sketch and shit I was always like what the fuck does that have to do with that

you don't want to ask because it's grown up shit but before that Chippendale Rescue Rangers are named after a furniture company from England Chippendale it's so catchy it's a beautiful naming combo Chippendale, which was like made fine chairs and stuff. It's so catchy. It's a beautiful name, naming combo.

Chippendale. Chippendale? That just sounds fun. It sounds great. It does sound, it's a nice. It sounds great. But it does sound like Chipmunks.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I love Baron Vaughn, but Baron Vaughn doesn't get to own children's ballads. But that combo. I'll tell him to his face. I love that bit.

I vote he does. No, no. No. Damn. I watched those too. Yeah. The love that bit. I vote he does. No, no. No. Damn. I watched those too. Yeah. The beef, dude. The beef is on.

Where are you going to be at, Ian? Oh, God. Here, probably. You all right, buddy? I'm going to be at Florida State on the 20th of April. Seminoles. Seminoles. Seminoles.

And then I don't really have much else on the date. I'll be sure I'll be popping into the odd faded here and there. Doing sets all over Los Angeles, California. Oh, if you're listening to this now and you're in LA, I'm going to be performing at the USC Hillel house for Jews and jokes or something like that. Wow. It's going to be me.

God, I love a theme show, don't you? And a bunch of Jews. When is it? Is this Friday? You want to come? Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, it's Is this Friday? You want to come? Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Well, it's actually

around the same time as Faded. Oh, I can't. I mean, yeah. So yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'll be coming to Faded after to say hello. But yeah, me and just some Jews

and... Who are the Jews? I don't know who's Jews. I was going to be on to like Jewish students. Are you going to be able to find enough Jewish performers

in Los Angeles to fill a show? I don't know. Maybe not all comedians. That's going to be the issue. Just a smattering of Angeles to fill a show? I don't know. Maybe not all comedians. That's going to be the issue. Just a smattering of loose Jews. You might have to go to writers. It's a loose Jew situation.

Maybe some orange Jews. Some orange Jews. Can you say, I am Ian Carmel and we are the loose Jews. We are the loose Jews. One, two, three, four. And I'm just going to smash a tambourine my entire set. Yeah. I don't know if I'm going to do any Jew material. I don't know if I'm going to do any Jew material.

I don't know if I'm going to give it to them. I probably won't. God damn, you're just like, I don't like that, doing the theme shows. I won't give them what they want. I'll do it for the Jews, you know, but like. Yeah. Not for any of you goyim.

Goyim. Not for any of you shicks as a shaggots. Jeez. Can't cock enough and yum. Wow. Yeah. I don't know what any of you goyim. Goyim. Not for any of you shicks as a shaggots. Jeez. Gay cock enough and yum. Wow. Yeah. I don't know what any of that means. I'm going to take it as disrespect.

I heard what you said. You're using all these big words. I don't know what they mean. Shicks is a Gentile woman and shaggots is a Gentile man. And gay cock enough and yum means go shit off a dock. Damn. A real good one. I'm telling people to shit off docks these days.

That's a real good one. It's kind of like pound sand, you know? Yeah, it's like, that's not really anything terrible. You're like, I'd probably go shit off a dock, I guess I must do. I'd rather shit off a dock

than pound sand for sure. For real. Shitting off a dock is kind of fun. I mean, you have to shit. I don't know if it's... What a teeter-totter you're on there. You know what I mean? What a balancing act.

Because as you're losing mass, you're going to go backwards. Is it a floating dock or is it one of those? If it's a real dock, you just hold on to something. See, I'm on my back holding on to like a post

with my whole... Torso bent into the water? Oh, you're doing it. My torso's facing up, so I'm like planking. But your legs are in the water. You're like those Russians trying to...

Oh, you're just straight out. Yeah, my legs are in the water like those Russian strongmen my legs are straight out like that how are you going to poop? you can't pike shit that's rule one you can't force a turd out you're planking I pooped on your water one time and it floated up

it floated up? where did you think it was going to go? I didn't know I'd never done it I had no idea it floated right up on me I think it was going to go? I didn't know. I'd never done it. I had no idea it floated right up on me. I've told this before. And then a water stink. It was like two years ago.

You took a shit in the water two years ago? We were at the Washougal in Washington. I was with Tori and Amy. I am never going in the water. It was embarrassing. I was with Tori and Amy and I was like, I have to poop and there's no bathroom there just isn't yeah but there's land

it was it was a I needed I needed to poop I needed to there was no getting to land no one's arguing with the need

oh I had to it was a thing so then I I went over to some water that nobody was in and I pooped and it came right up on me. And I was like, geez.

And I start splashing it away. And then they came over and they're like, what are you doing? And then a water snake, no shit, came like eight feet away. And I thought it was amazing. So I was like, holy buckets, look at that water snake. And they freaked out and ran away.

And I was like, tight. And then I just got my shit out of there. There was no water snake. There, I swear to God. The only one I've ever seen. Someone else pooped too. That's what that was. That was like a garter snake.

I swear. Not a religious man, but I swear to God. The only one I've ever seen. Someone else pooped too. That was like a garter snake. I swear. Not a religious man, but I swear to God. Just a water snake. I've never seen one. Where's Lau? That's Batman. Pooping all over the place.

Yeah. Anyway. Did you just explain what that reference was to me? Yeah, well, just because somebody didn't know where's Lau,

who Lau was. I don't have a lot of shows on the docket. I'm sure I'll add more. But it leads me to a thing. I'm trying to work less. I'm trying to, just in general. Book us.

You may have seen some. Book me. I'm fine. Don't book me. I will return to stand up very shortly. Don't sweat it, man. I'll do little sets here and there. But like, yeah, you may have seen me doing some, uh, tweets out there and stuff working on, working on mental health.

Yeah. You know what the, you know, the, you know, the best show, the best show you can do. It's the big show, dude. The mental show. WWE superstar. The big show. It's the big show. It's the big show.

You got to work on. It's the greatest show starring Huge Jackman. Yeah. The huge, the huge Jackman. It's not the first time when it gets me. I don't care. Huge Jackman. It won't be the last jacked man. It's not the first time when it gets me. I don't care. Huge jacked man. It won't be the last.

I know. Huge jacked man. Yeah, so I'm trying to turn down work and just like work a human amount instead of like 80 hours a week, which is feeling nice. Going to do a little therapy.

I like that. Which is a thing I've been circling for a while. So if any of you, any of you AFE types, if you're thinking about going going a little mental health journey, Karm's will be right there along with you. But yeah,

so I'm going to be, I'm going to be exploring that. If you're, you know, I saw some people saying like on Twitter, like thanks for tweeting about it and removing the stigma. There should be, I mean,

I understand that there is a stigma, but there should be no stigma. There shouldn't be. If you're feeling like you just need someone to talk to, or you need an outlet or that kind of thing, it's, I think it's a wonderful thing to do. Of course. It's no different than going to the gym or going to that, not let alone going to the

doctor. It's someone who's going to listen to you full on, not judging. They don't know you. They don't know what's going on. They can't be like, oh, we used to be like that. They're just there to listen. I mean, it's just that good shit. So I'll be embarking on that journey once again. And then

been in the gym. Count them up. Every day. Every day, bro. Count them up every day. Every day. Saucy it up. Saucy it up. But yeah, I'll be doing, I'll be hitting the road doing a little more stand up when

I'm ready to do it. Yeah, boy. It ain't going anywhere. Yeah. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. We are gathered here today in the fortress of solid dudes, not just to discuss the benefits of, uh, proper mental,

mental, uh, health and mental health awareness, but also mental warfare, mental warfare, tugboats, uh, but also to draft things you can binge.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Caitlin's idea. Yeah. I love this idea. But also to draft things you can binge. Yeah. Yeah. Caitlin's idea. Yeah. I love this idea. I love binging. Binging is one of my issues, actually. I think it's a fun group of overindulgers we have here. I think so. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gourmands, flanulas, gadflies.

Absolutely. Living our fucking lives right. We determine the order of the draft with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors play between the three of you. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors,

shoot. Shit. The boy wins. Didn't even shoot up. Shot out. No. Cause I always end up looking like a fucking racist when I shoot up. That's because you always shoot up.

Well, I wouldn't David shoots up and I went like, I picked paper. He knows what he's doing. Don't let that get at me. Don't. Don't talk about me like I'm not here. Oh, shucks.

I always. Holy buckets. I can't hold it in. I'm going right around. I'm going horseshoe. That's what I'm picking. You first? Yeah, me first, you last.

So that goes David, Caitlin, Sean, and your boy sitting right on that hot corner. Right in the hot corner. Love that hot corner. You like it over there. You like it in the hot corner. So Carmel, when this is dropping in Italy with my older sister. How do you feel about that? Oh, man.

Get some oil. That's so exciting. Get some oil. Get some olive oil. Yeah, that's rad. Get some oil. That's so exciting. Get some oil. Get some olive oil. Yeah, that's rad. God, it'd be so... I've never really... I've been to Costa Rica, and that was about it.

I've never really been anywhere, you know... Like, I guess that's tropical, you would call it, but I've never been any, like, to, like, in Italy or London or something like that. Once you grew up in... Well, no, I mean, like, in Japan or something. Like, somewhere not tropical on a vacation, I guess. Once you grew up in Japan or something like somewhere not tropical on a vacation I guess.

Once you grew up in Sioux Falls I would fucking see. I don't even seem to fucking think. Is everything in here bolted down?

What's up? We both want to end up in the hospital tonight? Well I didn't hear anything. Me or both of us were going to the

hospital. No I wasn't saying it. Sorry the voice is like a donkey kicking in my head. You look good though. I think it's that

bug bite dude. I'm blind as a bat. I'm blind as a bat? I'm blind as a bat? I do have a bug bite. I must have got it at the bowling alley where they filmed an entourage episode. Okay, so my first pick. Yeah, David, your first pick. Wait, what kind of?

Oh, God, that's a great question. Jesus Christ. I guess we're in a term of the order already. Thank you, Caitlin. You are out here with your shitty entourage joke. He got bit on the brain. Blew the whole thing off course. No, it's not a joke. They really did film an episode entourage joke. He got bit on the brain. Blew the whole thing off course. No, it's not a joke.

They really did film an episode of Entourage there. I'm throwing you out the window. I'm throwing you out the window. Going out the window. That's what I think of that joke. Who was saying, Bronner was saying, Bobby Bottle Service's favorite actor,

Vinny Chase. Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll, yeah. Vinny Chase. Oh, yeah. So you already determined yeah. Vinny Chase. Oh, yeah. So you already determined the order of the draft. However,

however, sure. Before we start drafting, what type of draft is it? It's a great question. What kind? What is it? I wanted to ask.

It's a great question. It's a great question from both of you. You dick. It's a serpentine draft. What does that mean? That's a great question. It's tricky.

So like, let's say that you did a live podcast in Los Angeles and some gentlemen brought a bottle of tequila and their own shot glasses.

Oh, shout out to the boys. And one of the dudes came up and he goes, do you want a shot of tequila? And I go, I do want a shot of tequila. And then his boy comes up and he goes,

would you like a shot of tequila? I go, sure. I would like a shot of tequila. And then as if I hadn't talked to either one of them And then his boy comes up and he goes, would you like a shot of tequila? I go, sure. I would like a shot of tequila. And then as if I hadn't talked to either one of them, the same dude comes up and he goes, Hey man, you want a shot of tequila? And I was like, sure, I'll do a shot of tequila. And then the other dude comes up and he goes, Hey dog, shot of tequila. And I go, yeah. And then as if I had talked to neither one of them all night, same dude will come up. Hey man, would you like a shot of tequila? I go, sure. And then his boy will be like, hey man, would you like a shot of tequila? And I go, yeah.

Is there more tequila left? Sure, I'll do another shot. So, kind of like that. I feel like I'm having a stroke. Sure. Well, do you like nine shots of tequila? With these awesome dudes by the way. They ruled. Yeah, they ruled. They had us sign the bottle. It was great. It was sick. That's cute. I somehow missed that part. The sign of the bottle?

The signing the bottle? No, just all the shots of tequila in there. I did a bunch. I was out there like pretty much wanting them. I was out there like just out there eyeballing the bottle like it owed me money. You want one? Basically

what it means is you've picked fourth in the first round, you've picked first in the second round. I mean, yeah, if you want to. With that in mind, cradled gently in your cranium david boy it's time for your first pick on the things you binge all fantasy everything i'm gonna pick alone time already knocking stuff off people's lives sometimes i love that yeah i don't think that i don't know man i think i don't process or handle stuff that well. Yeah.

So I really got to go back to the cave for a couple of days. Oh yeah. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty more frequently than I'd like probably. But yeah, I got to like, I just got to have a day where I'm just like not. When the thing with alone time, people mistakenly think that it means like someone's in a bad mood or whatever. Not even close. Yeah.

It just means you want to fucking chill no i like you have to do that you have to be alone sometimes i recently heard something that like like i always thought like an introvert was somebody who was just shy right but it's not true so like i guess the difference between introverts and extroverts is an extrovert is somebody who gets their energy from being around other people and an introvert is somebody who gets their energy from being around other people. And an introvert is somebody who gets that energy by being alone. It doesn't mean you're shy or you're not like able to like, Oh no, I'm in a big environment like that.

I didn't know that. I was like, Oh shit, I'm an introvert. Yeah. We just gotta power up. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I guess then I'm an introvert. Cause yeah, I gotta like, we're all a mix. Especially like, especially like sometimes like when I'm on the road, man.

Oh yeah. I gotta like, I gotta have a day where, yeah, I gotta like, I gotta have a day where, yeah, I gotta like, I gotta have the day where I don't talk to anybody until I get to the club then. Well,

yeah, that's what the, that's like going on the road. It takes a long time to figure that shit out because you, me anyways, I was like, Oh, I have to go take full at what I'm,

I'm in Pittsburgh. I gotta go see everything in Pittsburgh and do it. Talk to everybody and hang out all night. I gotta go get a sandwich everywhere. And sometimes you're like, or I could just chill in the hotel, go get some coffee, chill for hours and then have a good set instead of have a flustered panic

attack set. That's sort of one of my favorite things about going out on the road. Yeah. Now that we're doing well enough to have hotels. Yeah. I used to be sleeping on someone's couch. I didn't get to chill. We're all up. So you're up. We're going to get burritos and smoke in the house. So, so more frequently. Yeah, I used to be sleeping on someone's couch. I didn't get to chill. Hey man, we're all up.

So you're up. We're going to get burritos and smoke in the house. So, so are you. When Weyerhaeuser and I were in Seattle, we had the one day where we went out, we got some delicious, what were they, Cuban sandwiches or something? Oh my God, those sandwiches. I forgot about those. Those sandwiches were amazing. We went for a walk around that park where they used to have like pipes and whatever in it.

We had such a nice time. We saw a fight with pirate boats. We saw a boat fight yeah they're like shooting water at each other and they were saying all sorts of shit and then i had one day where i uh went i went sneaker shop and solo put my headphones in you know like shut the fuck down solo dolo you gotta have both whenever i go to portland i have one of those days where i'm just like i'm gonna go walk something i would never do when I lived there, by the way, like walk miles.

But now I'd, every time I'm like, I'm just going to chill, do something alone, listen to music, podcasts, whatever, enjoy the river,

you know, that's my favorite thing to do in Portland. I, but I did that when I lived there. The thing I miss the most is the walking. Yeah. Me too. Yeah.

I walked a ton. Yeah. My perfect ratio is like 60 alone 40 with people it's probably like yeah i'm right in there maybe some maybe 75 25 but yeah here's i will say i kind of miss living with people a little bit because it's the first time i've had like an apartment by myself yeah but oh it is good to just be alone and just be weird as fuck by myself all the way out all the way out. All the way weird. This city of apartment hunting,

I just can't wait. I know. I've needed people in this city. I would have flipped out if I didn't have people around. This is the only city where I'm like, man, I would have lost my mind if I didn't have... But I got people really close. I saw a man and boy right around the corner.

And I spent a lot of time at their house too, which is great. Even though we live together, we do a great job of giving together we do a great job and when I lived with Anthony too I try to be extremely conscious about it because you do you just can't be you have to be separate it's just how it goes I'll have a podcast playing while I'm playing a video game

the lights will be out there'll be like a candle lit the room could be heavy with marijuana smoke who Who knows what's going on? I might be painting an accurate picture. Yeah. Sean will be like, what's up dude? And then like, you know, I'm not, I'm not Scrooge McDuck over here. I want to say what's up, but then like, yeah, I get it. I mean, and also are you Donald ducking? Yeah. I mean, that's for me too. Like I go in there, I light a candle and I just sit and watch well whatever

I just watch some stuff I'm so glad that boys find out about candles oh I'm a fan I'm so glad I don't know who wasn't

it was really necessary I don't know who wasn't on I mean I bet they're cheap I get like $4 Glade candles and shit but just the ambiance

of a candle those tend to leave some like stuff like if you burn them too close to the wall and seal and stuff, but oh my gosh. I feel like it was really just like a two-year period where all boys found out about candles and God, it's such a better time. I think they're amazing.

What a better time. There's a lit candle right now. I love it. I'm fully digging it. The candle's wasted. And a spiked bat on it. There's a diptych candle and a spiked bat sitting on the coffee table in an empty 40. That's a nest candle, but those are diptych. Is nest danker or is diptych danker a spike bat sitting on the coffee table on an empty 40 that's a nest candle but those are diptyque damn it

is nest danker or is diptyque danker diptyque is danker nest is pretty good though nest is what we burn in the green rooms at the late late show very nice

green rooms and podcast rooms are important to have those candles I think you should it should be a welcoming environment yeah for sure I've been into I've been into the scent game

scents and sneakers you know stuff that they couldn't keep fat guys out of. When you open a food cart in Portland, I don't know how it's going to be that, but scents and sneakers. That's going to sell exactly what it sounds like, dude.

If it don't make sneakers, it don't make scents. Right? If it was just sneakers and colognes and things like that. I've met a few guys who sell both of those things out of backpacks. Yeah, absolutely. You haven't lived. The candle's in the shoe.

I got this Nike. I got this Tommy girl. What do you want? I have probably in my life, 15 dudes have tried to sell me Tommy girl out of a backpack. I got Michael Jordan cologne and shoes. That shit is hilarious.

Thompson bottoms, baby. Thompson bottoms. I got a rash from Michael Jordan cologne once before I went to the doctor. I went, cause I was like, I was staying at my dad's and my dad was going to take me to the doctor when I was like a teen or like a young teen. And I was like,

all right, I'm going to spray some cologne on. And he had the Michael Jordan cologne. I sprayed it on my chest and my chest broke out into a rash from it. And the doctor was like, what is this? And I was like, I don't know, doc.

I was like, it's a shame to tell him. 10 bucks says Michael Jordan has never smelled Michael Jordan cologne. Absolutely not. He has no idea what it is. You don't think he has an inquiring mind? No, I don't. I think he's a bad guy. I was telling that to someone the other day who didn't know.

And it was like three people. I wish I could. They were very naive people And it was like three people. That's right. I wish I could be. We're very naive people. I was like, yeah, Michael Jordan sucked. I mean, everything except basketball.

And they were like, no, he's a good dude. And I go, what? Cause of a Haynes commercial. You think he's good? Bad guy.

Yeah. That commercial was creepy. He's really good at basketball. We get our Haynes on you. Yeah. It was like, Hey, could I put my Haynes on you? It was just, wait till we get our hands on you? Yeah, it was lost. Hey, could I put my hands on you? Where do we get?

It was just, where do we get them? Where do we get? Yeah, there's no asking. I'm going to put these hands on you. Just you wait until we get these hands on you. Sam Elliott wears denim underwear. You can run. He wears barbed wire underwear.

We're going to get these hands on you. It's burlap. You can run into burlap hands. Burlap's a fun one to say at that point. Burlap. Burlap. You could take to the foothills. You could hide in a cave.

You could even go to the swampland. And I bet you, as God is my witness, we will get these hands on you. Regulators! Regulators! We will get these hands on you. Run, you letters! He's just staring at me waiting to do that. Let them run. Let them run.

We will get these hands on you. No, no. Don't shoot. Let them run. We'll get these hands on you. There it is. Damn. So yeah, a long time. We put that it is. I like them. So yeah, a long time.

Reboot that whole campaign. I know, right? Reboot it. You just wait till we get these mother things on you. Softer than a flower sack. Softer. Camp Hanes. If you're going to have one thing between you and your well-worn dungarees,

it better be a goddamn pair of hands or I swear to God. That would be the best fucking ad campaign. If they were just so on the nose and like aware of how funny that was, just have Sam Elliott. There's going to be one goddamn thing between you and your dungarees. A long time, man. That's

a great one. That's so good. It's so good. I think practicing mindfulness is very important, but equal to that is practicing mindlessness. You know, so I think that's good to be alone. Kate, time for your first pick. It's tough,

but it has to be motherfucking Instagram, baby. Oh, shit. I feel you. Yeah. Man. Everything.

Have you ever hit the part that says you're caught up? You ever hit that part? I ain't never caught up, babe. It's insane. You know how many hashtags I follow? Ooh, I can't be caught up. And then I still just go to the search screen just trying to find new ones and memes and fuck every dog. Every dog I follow.

Oh yeah, some good dogs. I know you're watching like South Pacific Islander. So many videos you didn't even know or watch. Getting into their stories and shit. You go follow people. Hashtag slap them chucks. Dude. Surfing on lakes.

Yeah, weird shit. Yeah. What's your weirdest Instagram hole you've gone down, you think? This was when Lachlan Patterson was in Portland, and he found a very funny book at a bookstore, and it was like how to keep rabbits. And he's a little bunny, famously has a little bunny. So he bought the book, and he's thinking about reading it on stage,

coming to find out it's about raising rabbits. Yeah. To eat. Oh, food rabbits. Yeah. And he's like, and it's very funny.

Joe was like bunnies, different rabbits, rabbits is for eating. So it came up on Instagram and I was following his bunny stuff. And then I got into a weird bunny hole. Right. And I was like, bunnies,

bunnies, bunnies, like their mouths are worried when they open. And then I accidentally, oops, bunny hole. Right. And I was like, bunnies, bunnies, bunnies, like their mouths are worried when they open. And then I accidentally, oops, doodle fell down into like the taxidermy bunny rabbit hole. Yeah. Bunny rabbit hole.

That's appropriate. That's right. On the nose. Some would say, um, yeah. And then the taxidermy and then the slicing them up. And,

but then also clear on through to the other side where just Aunt Emma. Are we watching them slice up bunnies on Instagram? Well like how to where the cuts go but then clear out to the other side where Aunt Emma is just like dressing up them little dead bunnies into stuff clothes and doll stuff.

Real weird. That was a journey. Wacky Tuesday. That was a journey. You ever seen roger and me that michael moore documentary who's in flint and he goes to those people who like live in flint but who are like raising rabbits for food yeah yeah you just make like a couple cuts and then you pull their skin right off of them it's crazy really it comes right off and then you just yeah yeah you ever felt yeah well you ever felt them it feels like you could do that yeah i guess yeah damn it's real cute though. If you pick them up like right under their like armpits and all their squish fur goes

up. Oh, it's so fucking cute. You heard a rabbit scream? Yes. The death rattle. Holy shit. Our cat used to, well, still is marking rabbits because they're thick in Sioux Falls. They're strange critters.

Cats or rabbits? Both. But like. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. The ones that are getting marked are the rabbits. The grips are thick. And you'll fucking hear, yeah, the, the ones that are the rabbits. And you'll fucking hear, yeah, the cats will be out there

American rabbits. Man, we didn't have really wild rabbits up in Portland. Really? No. The hell of bunnies at the coast though.

Yeah, bunnies at the coast for sure. times wild bunnies at the coast. It's funny when people don't know. Yo! Wild bunnies? Wild bunnies, dude. Yeah,

I grew up in there. I worked there. Yeah, dude. You were one of I worked there. Yeah, dude. You were one of the bunnies. Yeah, you would do a stand-up. You would do a stand-up set at 8, then you'd go over to Wild Bunnies and I would dance for three hours.

Yeah, I'd cook there. I worked, but I just cooked there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I danced. Yeah. Yeah, Wild Bunnies. I would dress up as an attorney. My penis was in the briefcase.

Full fursuit, though. That was the thing. Dick out. Full fursuit. Instagram, yeah. I only just really thought- My penis was in the briefcase. Instagram is my favorite social media-

It's the only one I care about. By far. It's the only one like- Because people can't be, well, they can be mean, but you can't see it as easily as you can on Twitter because Twitter's just tweets. Twitter has become, not for everybody, obviously,

and it doesn't have to be this way, but I feel compelled to be socially active on Twitter. Twitter is a hellscape. Yeah, and it's like people are so mean to you. I was tweeting about, when I tweeted about trying to find therapists you know like i think people were joking but they were on there like oh it's about time you know and like i was like time for it and i was asking like uh like for like suggestion like some dude

was like that's also kind of wildy and just from me to you yeah this isn't for anyone else oh yeah yeah everybody's everyone just taking me. Everybody stop listening. That is kind of wild of you to go to Twitter for that though and I love how your heart works.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you think, well yeah, this will be a great way to engage in the community. I got a lot of great advice. Good, but I would never.

I even got some. I don't want to know what those motherfuckers think. Yeah, that's the thing. I already know. Oh no, see, I think it was a really good Well, the podcast,

I didn't even think about it, but there's like therapy podcasts and I'm going to spin a few. Well, I don't like- Good people said on there. I'm going to Twitter for it. I like personal one-on-one though. It's hard to find. It was like hard to find people just like who would work within a schedule because I

have like, you know, I work until like seven every night. Yeah. And then, so it's hard to find people who are like either okay with that or on the weekends. You got to find a therapist that loves to work out. I put that the weekends. You got to find a therapist that loves to work out. I put that, huh? You got to find a therapist that loves to work out. That loves to be in the gym with me. So I put that out there and it was like, uh, you know, there were a couple

jokers in the replies. Yeah. But like, I mean that part, those people don't even exist to me anymore. Yeah. Block them and then you've gone through the ringer. I've been through the ringer. You've been doxxed. I've been doxxed once I went through InfoWars it was just like

fuck off I don't really care anymore like but I got such great advice from so many different people who like I wouldn't have even thought to reach out to

but who were like hey this person's great this person's great it was amazing for me yeah fuck yeah but Twitter it feels like such an obligation it can be tricky

I love it for basketball and very little else, but Instagram is like pictures of sneakers and national parks. Everything I like lives there. Instagram doesn't make me feel the need to post. Nah. I just eat all. Yeah, when I'm on Twitter for too long,

I feel like maybe I should. But I also don't tweet about shit on purpose because fuck y'all. Yeah, I don't. But like, yeah, Instagram, I don't tweet about shit on purpose because yeah but like yeah instagram i don't look at a bunch of instagram and feel like oh i gotta like even that fomo shit i'm looking at such weird shit on instagram that i don't even get fomo that i'm not at like the south korean breakdance competition i'm just like oh what an interesting thing i'm watching right now i don't either i've been i do i work with some people who like will talk about Instagram like, oh, it's just

people like trying to project this version of their lives. No, that's what you're looking at. Yeah. You choose your own adventure on Instagram. Also, go to the explore page, you loser. It doesn't have to be like that. Stop. I don't even look at my friends for the most part.

I don't know what idiom I don't look at. That's why I don't heart shit. I'll watch you. I'm not looking at my friends. Shit, that's stories. You're like live weird stories. Yeah, stories for sure. Y'all are wild. And that's fun. I put't look at that's why I don't heart shit. I'm not looking at my friends. Y'all's stories you're like live weird stories. Y'all are wild. Because it's fun

I put up Jeopardy questions it's so fun to like you know put up Final Jeopardy and people are like oh this is fun I'm like this is

what it should be for. But I don't think I've ever seen any one of your Instagram like No because why? It's just that and faded

and then the roost. I'm too old to give a shit about somebody's grid. Mine is pristine. Is your grid good? Oh, I did see your sister yell at you for being too good at photography. Yeah.

That was really cute. I did see that. Although somebody did. I got a life story from seven years ago where Ian and Ron and Shane walked across the street in Portland and I'm like, that's pretty cool. I forgot that was even up there. That's real cute. Yeah, my grid's dope, dude. It's just like here's a cool sunset. Here's the three of us on real cute. Yeah, my grid's dope, dude. It's just like, here's a cool sunset.

Here's the three of us on Burnside. Yeah, that is pretty dope. Do you have that pic of you in Hawaii? Here's me with an astronaut. Do you have that pic of you in Hawaii with the wind in your face? Let me pull back on that. That shit looks like the cover of a Fabio novel. Oh, wait.

Oh, wait. Are you talking about your boy in Hawaii? Who? Are you talking about me? It looks like you should have. You look like a character in that movie about Hawaii with all white people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have definitely played a Samoan.

That's the cover of Loose Juice. Loose Juice? Damn, I was really thriving out there. If anybody's looking for it, it's from October 16th, 2017. You'll know. 15 lines down middle pick No my biceps are popping My shirt is unbuttoned at the top

Me I'm looking at waves And you can tell Third pick to the right Straight down till morning I think it's false To give Instagram shit Oh it's just products And like paid models and blah, blah,

blah. No, no, no. That's what you're looking at. Yeah. Choose your own adventure. Find some weird hobbies.

Yeah. Yeah. I watched like hydraulic presses, smashing shit, all kinds of weird stuff. Skateboarders put out new content on Instagram. It's insane. Oh,

I watch a lot of skateboards. And they have to put out more. It's kind of, it sucks for them, but they have to just crank out so much shit to stay on top of the game. And I'm like, yeah, put it all insane. Oh, I watch a lot of skateboarding. And they have to put out more. It's kind of, it sucks for them, but they have to just crank out so much shit to stay on top of the game. And I'm like, yeah, put it all out.

I'll watch it all day. Solomon and I were on our way to a show last night and we just started looking at Instagram videos, trying to guess what the twist was going to be for food making tutorials. What are they going to get? What is it going to fucking be? How are they going to fuck this up? And they got us on one.

It was like a perfectly constructed burger, flat top grill, you know, toast to it going to fucking be? How are they going to fuck this up? And they got us on one. It was like a perfectly constructed burger, flat top grill, you know, toast to the bun too, double cheese, double cheese, double burger, double burger, perfect condiments, mayo mayo. We're like, oh my God, that's the biggest twist of all, to have a food video and there's no motherfuckers. Then dunked it in egg wash and pan cow and then deep fried the fucker.

We were just like, ah! So that's a fun game, too. Nobody's actually eating the food on Instagram. I make such trash-ass food all the time, but I can't stop watching them. I have to watch them. You would eat it, but nobody is eating it. The older I get, the less busy I need my cheeseburger.

That's the thing. Oh, yeah. I want American cheese. You know what I'm sick of? This is going to be a real controversial opinion I'm fucking sick of caramelized onions Where they goddamn don't belong That's not controversial, that's right

I like them on a Mushroom Swiss based burger That's where they're supposed to go And you stop putting them with all this other shit That's the only place I think they're supposed to I like a raw onion on my burger Do you know what I love? Caramelized with a pineapple and a jalapeno. Caramelized pineapple

jalapeno. I like jalapeno on pizza more now. I had that rattlesnake burrito earlier. You did have it. What do you think? It was dope. It's probably not going to happen again, but it was dope.

Show them what the Taco Bell. They have the fries in there just i know a lot of people come to us for taco bell opinions yeah you might even talk about last time i'm trying to last time i ate it was sean was like two months ago or something yeah i'm trying to chill we'll keep going to taco bell but i'm not gonna look to us for fries from taco bell no no no no i don't need it although they did shove them in that rattlesnake burrito and did they oh wow they just put the whole thing in there oh maybe i'm wrong yeah i mean i like No, no. No, no. I don't need it. Although they did shove them in that rattlesnake burrito. Did they? Oh, wow.

They just put the whole thing in there. Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah. I mean, I like a California-style burrito every now and again. I don't like fries in my burrito. No. I can... If the meat's really good...

If they do... If they get the proportions right, I've had some really good California-style burritos. I also don't like them on sandwiches, though. Like that Pittsburgh-style sandwich or whatever. Oh, no. I don't like that either. No offense to Fat Sal's, but that's just not my wave. Instagram.

Great thing to binge. Just really get to the bottom of it. See what they're all up to. I'll keep fighting. Chantel Jordan, tell me your first pick. Really, we're only an hour and three minutes in. That's awesome. Atta babe, atta babe.

Well, you know, we'll move through those later rounds. Oh, no. I'm going to pick holiday treats. Whatever holiday it is, I like to just binge through the treats on that particular holiday yeah so like uh with easter coming up i'll do like i'll get all the peeps i'll get all the cadbury eggs i'll just get and i usually go like a day between but i'll just i'll just knock them out yeah and i do it with every you're fucking peeps make my i have i have one dog i can't eat peeps me either i have one cadbury eggs are murder for my teeth but yeah they I'm like I gotta do it and I do Christmas is

gnarly Valentine's Day I'll get myself what are your favorite let's go holiday to holiday okay and let's name some favorite treats all right first one Kwanzaa Kwanzaa Lavash Lavash for Kwanzaa? I don't know The African Harvest Festival? I don't know Come on I was trying to pick

Oh see I'm not kidding Look at the South Dakota boy over here I don't know Probably the sugar cookies The same as they would be for Christmas The answer is the nacho fries Weirdly enough

It's a Kwanzaa treat No what I had no idea but what's your favorite Christmas eggnog god damn it sure

nog eggnog nog oh he does love you are a nog boy I've seen that first hand you do love eggnog huge fan

what about you Christmas I just gotta I gotta go cookies all the god damn cookies it's the particular kind

pick a kind fucking cookies pick a kind pick a kind of cookie though. It's when you open that tin and it's not a sewing kit. Those cookies. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Short bread.

David, your favorite for Christmas? My mom makes this weird pumpkin bread with chocolate chips and walnuts in it. That sounds good. She only makes it at Christmas. It's not lavash? I'm sorry. For me, it's either.

Just cracking it up. I mean, lavash is delicious. Are you sure it's either latkes or a Saint-Sue Carmel makes some gnarly Rocky Road? Yeah. Easter. She makes it. Easter is definitely a Cadbury egg. She makes the Rocky Road.

You'll try it this next holiday season. It's amazing. Yeah. She's on some of the down because she's the fucking Dondada. Yeah. Dondada. Shit on proper. Cadbury egg for Easter for sure.

Cadbury egg. Oh, the Cadbury egg. Peanut butter, chocolate in the shape of a bunny. Sure. Give me that. Oh, like lamb. I feel like my mom would always make lamb on Easter. Damn.

All right. I do like that. Yeah. We did Easter. It do like that. We did Easter. It's like a special meat day. What did you guys do? I probably had Cadbury eggs for me. I haven't done Easter since I was like 15. But the caramel ones are the

traditional real ones with like the cream in the middle. The cream, yeah, yeah. The caramel ones are, they hurt my teeth more. Oh, you know what I like? I also like jelly beans. I like those Reese's Easter eggs. Oh, those are good. I like those.

Easter's one of those holidays that pretty much evaporated for me. We don't get it. I asked the other day if we get it off work and they're like, no. Well, it's a Sunday, Sean.

But normally they give us like the Monday or whatever. Oh, I see. Okay. And they're just like, no, man. When was the last time you got? We got Super Bowl Sunday off in Sioux Falls

and we didn't get Easter off. And we were open on Sundays. We had to work Easter Sunday. I would rather... Oh, yeah, for sure. Because when you're a kid... Well, when I was a kid, I was led to think that Easter was more important

to my family than it is. I see. We weren't really religious or anything, but my mom wanted to be. And so we'd go to church and have a whole Easter thing. But also when there's no kids around, then you don't have an Easter egg hunt. It's important to have a spring festival. Especially, I imagine, in a place like Sioux Falls where the winters are fairly harsh.

It's time to shake that off. You also got to have a spring reset. Isn't that what Lent is? Spring cleaning. That's what I'm doing right now, man. Celebration of fertility. Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now, man. Celebration of fertility. Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now. Yeah, celebrating that fertility.

You said you were feeling so virile. Sometimes I feel virile. On the last podcast, I laughed so hard by myself, spending a long time in my apartment. It's you. Sometimes I feel strong. Feeling so virile. Everybody could get pregnant is what you said. That sounds about right Feeling so virile. Everybody could get pregnant is what you said.

That sounds about right. I fucking died. Anybody could get pregnant. Don't you go get anyone pregnant. I do have to take back that. No, I'm trying really hard to not. Watch out right here. He's wearing a condom right now.

David just walks in. Walks in the little cave. I'm virile. Watch out. Highly. Highly, dude. Serve me some whiskey. I need to tone this thing down. Just dip your dick in it. I'm going to. Watch out. Highly, highly, dude. Serve me some whiskey. I need to tone this thing down. Just dip

your dick in it. I gotta take the edges off. Throw some water on this fire. Sand that down. Matter of fact, just give me a cup of varnish. Let me put it in. Nobody knows not to come near it.

Yeah, we were gonna to hook up and then his dick smelled like varnish. Yeah. It was like lacquer. It smelled of syrup. Babe, it was lacquer. I believe it was shellac. Varnish wouldn't be so bad. No, it's probably smell, right? You don't want varnish in your mouth.

You don't want no varnish. You don't want your lover's genitals to taste like varnish. Strong varnish will probably get you a little high. Or to even smell like them. Are you getting close enough to lick it? Nah. Yeah, I can't handle it. You drop trowel and it's like.

Is that a muffin varnish? I'm not trying to get stoned off pussy fumes. I think if it smells anything but natural, it's weird. Like if I, we, somebody had a bit about it, but like putting cologne on their shit. Natural again? Natural. Okay. about it, but putting cologne on their shit. Natural again? Natural. Okay. But if you put cologne on your shit, it'd always feel like a creep.

You spray cologne directly on your penis? No, I said if you did. I knew plenty of dudes who would give it a little spritz down there. I've seen it happen. If somebody went to go down on you, and it smelled like Michael Jordan or Polo or something, it'd just be like, sorry. Here's what you do if you and it smelled like Michael Jordan or polo or something. It just got me like, sorry. Here's what you do if you want.

Just baby powder that motherfucker up when you leave the house. Don't be spraying Tommy Girl on it. Bod man. Hot bod. David's ribs still hurts. He's going over on it.

It's better with that copy. I was ready for it is it getting better holiday treats yeah just rifle through them and what I was thinking about was like Christmas mainly but like just everything that comes out

all the like specialty shit that comes out of places you like a themed you like a themed thing yeah St. Paddy's Day you doing corned beef

not this year I didn't do shit for St. Patrick's Day because I was at work all day so i had coffee and everything but um yeah saint patrick's is normally just the uh alcohol and all that irish stuff the day before i did plenty of irish stuff on all your irishness i got i went to the went to the bottom of it bowling comedy and a small amount of whiskey gentleman's amount of time for my first and second picks

as it is a serpentine draft. That's what it is. My first one I'm going to do is listening to new music is something I binge. Totally. I will say. I got Apple Music over here, so I'm doing it like crazy.

I do it in huge blocks. I create a playlist for myself. And like, I can't believe you just got a streaming service. It's so wild but i'm glad you're on board how much new music is out there oh yeah there's no we don't because we're listening to anything i'm buried by it the people that deprive themselves of new music is wild to me yeah that where you're just like listen to listen to the new ariana grande especially now

that that shit's free no what do you have to lose an An hour? That's what I do. I dive in deep. I will pull songs off albums that I really like. For sure. Make playlists and stuff like that. And I'll spend three, four hours just listening to new music and then set myself up for the next couple weeks. Yeah. Yeah.

I like to binge it. Dude, I- I'm due for a binge right now. I was binging. I've been off podcasts for a couple days, and I do for a binge right now. I was binging. I've been off a podcast for a couple days and I've been binging like old atmosphere. I just went through and listened to all of overcast today. I walked around more than I normally do on the way home from work just so I could finish listening to it. I just forgot how good it was, man. It's just that nacho brew or

that, uh, what is it? I was working up. I was holding the rattlesnake rattler. I was holding it by the neck. I sucked all the venom out of it. I ate it outside with nonake. The rattler. I was holding it by the neck. Taking it for a walk, baby. I sucked all the venom out of it. I ate it outside with no shirt on. Well, yeah. That's because he's not allowed to eat it in the house. I get it. I was sitting in the back of an El Camino parked in the lawn.

After the Enchirito incident. Yeah, I had to order it through the drive-thru. They won't let me back in there. Enchirito and Encinitas. Did he poop in the pool that time too? Ladies and gentlemen, we are the Enchirito incident Encinitas. Did he poop in the pool that time too? Ladies and gentlemen, we are the Enchirito Incident. One, two, three, four.

We're sorry for what's about to happen. Our first song is Poop in the Pool. One of the last weird deep dives I did was on MusicWise was getting really into like Cora music from Molly. Everybody fuck with that?

It's crazy like Like to money, Diabate and Ali fuck a tour. Eh. Yeah. It's like string. It's like a, it's like a guitar, but from the country of all I've seen those.

I know the instrument you're talking about. So good to write to. That sounds incredible. It's just beautiful. Yeah. And it's, and there's not a lot of singing in it, which is all of music right now.

No, I'm just, no, no'm just binging new music. Yeah, not specific music. But yeah, binging new music is a thing I do. And then with my second pick, I'm going to do... Oh, yeah. No. No, I didn't do it.

I didn't do it. Why did I do it? I didn't do it. It's never time. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Why did I do it? I didn't do it. It's never time. I didn't do it. Somebody even messaged us about it. I had a bunch of people message me in person about it at the show the other night. Do you know that I've had people bring it up to me that you do that?

Cool. No. Nope. People are talking about me when I'm not even around. So that means they listen. As long as they listen to the show. Yeah. I love that they know to bring it up to me because they know when I'm not even around. So that means they listen. As long as they listen to the show. Yeah. I love that they know to bring it up to me because they know that I'm not

a stranger to yelling. I was like, thank you. Nope. Out the window. I'm just trying to live. You can live. Can I live? Yeah, you can live.

Chores is the thing I like to binge. Oh, that's the way to do it. That's the way to do it. It's just like, put it off like yeah put it off put it off put it off wednesday that's all up yeah once i get to cleaning i do not stop i just gonna do a grip of laundry i'm gonna clean my room i'm probably gonna wash my sheets hit the windowsill dust hit the windowsills like yeah i'm gonna do it heavy zach was you were gone on super bowl sunday zach invited me to a party and i was like nope i took a couple things out of my room and i go i did that so i would clean my room and i stayed home all day super bowl sunday and clean my shit oh yeah and it's still clean that's the thing about chores sticks yeah it feels i don't know what the difference is

sleeping when you know that it's like shit's clean but it just feels better to me it's a better night sleep seriously yeah um I think it's, yeah, I like putting on, I like putting on a podcast, maybe blasting some music and then just really, really letting the rubber

make the road. It's good to like, it's good. It's like taking a walk. Yeah. Did you say letting the rubber hit the maid? Letting the rubber

make the road. Oh, cause rubber made because of all the cleaning supplies. I got it. Yeah. It sounded weird. It sounded violent. Yeah. It sounded weird. It sounded violent.

Yeah, it sounded way more aggressive sexually than I had planned. Rubbermaid the maid. I can see that. You got to ask first. Yeah. Where do I get my Hanes on you? We're going to get these Hanes on you. That was a little better.

You can run. Can I hide? You can hide. But there's only two certain things. Death and me getting these hangs on you. Don't I have to pay taxes?

No. Not if you don't generate income. You broke mother. Children don't pay taxes. Don't yet. I always found that part of the uh colloquialism to be a bit misleading yeah no uh do you feel sammy yeah so chores dude it's just i fucking like i hate i hate them i hate doing chores i love having done chores. I hate doing chores. I love having done chores, but I hate doing chores. So for me, it's like 20 minutes in, it feels once it's like, it's like once you get over

that hump. Once you got a stew going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Once you get over that hump, it feels better. I'm like that with literally everything. I'd rather just panic in my closet for a while.

You know what I mean? Brett real hard into some coats you know it's not crying but it feels intense it's still that same breathing pattern it's all jaggedy

and fucked up yeah yeah yeah and i'm just as scared yeah emotionally raw i got real weird real real real real real fast

sean time for your second pick i'll just be an honest honest and vulnerable this is uh this is a rarity, but when I do it, I binge healthcare.

And like if I like with what's going on with the dentist. Five times in a day. But like what's going on with the dentist? Kayla loved it. She's still laughing. That's fine. I'm not going to step on laughter.

Stupid. Go's still laughing. That's fine. I'm not going to step up after. They're still laughing. Stupid. Stupid. Go on. Healthcare. Now, I'm glad you do it at all. Yeah, well, that's the thing because I'm terrible at it. I know.

So when I go to like, like the last time I did it, I went to the doctor and then I went and got my knee checked out and then went, got diagnosed for anxiety. Did not go get my medication. Like I should have. I still have this. Definitely do that. Definitely do that. Yeah. Go do that.

Well, it's just, it's not like full on. It's for flying. They gave me like a diagnosed, like for like two, what are those pills? What are they?

They're, um, Kalonipin. Yeah. They gave me two of those and I'm still so against the fact that I, I'm just get so pissed at myself that I'm not a grownup and I can't just handle it, but I will go get it.

Do you know how many grown-ups can't handle it? Do you know we're all taking pills? It comes by roll. My friend, Frat, would always be like, just fucking fix it. And I'm like, sometimes you can't, man. I'm terrified. Yeah, dudes like that also never have families. Frat's probably not a doctor.

You know what I mean? The dudes are like, just fix it. Never have it. You don't develop mean Historically Just fix it Never have it Don't develop a Klonopin dependence But like It's not good You know it's not good

For your body to be Under high levels of stress That's the thing And so I think You fly a lot Yeah And I think I'm gonna But like with dental care

Like I went in I got a cleaning Or no I got a checkup I got a cleaning I booked my next two Appointments for the cavities So it's like I just have to

Knock it all out And it feels so fucking good Because if I don't I'll be like It's been three months do I care? I got a question for you. What do you think Mario's favorite kind of insurance is? David. Dental, dental, dental. Yeah, that's right. Shit. How did you get that? That's your damn joke. I will be mad at myself all night because I didn't get that joke.

You tell that joke all the time. Dental, dental, dental. That's a whole new joke. I thought you were going to be right up on it. Did you panic? I was like, blue cross, blue cross, blue cross, but that's not fast enough. That can't be it. Ian's way smarter than that.

There's got to be something I'm missing. And I was missing dental, dental, dental, which sounds just like denim, denim, denim. Pfizer, Pfizer, Pfizer. Affleck, Affleck, Affleck. Is that insurance? That's simple dental insurance. Okay, yeah. Affleck compensates you

for money that you miss for being out of work. I'm not familiar with the term. Anyway, just like, I don't know. You know. That's how I got all my tooth stuff done too and man, it felt incredible. Because if you don't, like with my eyes too, I'll go get them checked out

and then I'm like, I don't have the money or whatever, but then you're just like, I have to see. So you go get new glasses, get new contacts, do all the shit. Well, it's just, you know. But I always put shit off because I'm so broke and so it's like, you don't want to do it. Now I have insurance.

So I'm trying to get through all this, but yeah, just, I, I just, that stuff. I like to knock it out, get it out of the way. Do you know what a Jurassic Park's favorite kind of insurance is? Um, I know, I know, I know. No, what is it? No, that's perfect. I like that.

Yeah. What were you going to say? I was just gonna say dunneldunneldunnel again dunneldunneldunnel was pretty good though both good jokes there

or uh vision no no dunneldunneldunnel as a second time was very good though you know who Eminem's

favorite feature was that he ever had on a song anybody in here know David you know Eminem's favorite feature that he had on a song Jay Z is it no that was a Jay Z Eminem featured on yeah

Dido Dido Dido Caitlyn yeah okay Yeah. Daito, Daito, Daito. Caitlin, you're up. Yeah, okay. I had it in my head and it literally just got pushed. Listen, Scott Storch over here hit mute while everybody was dying laughing. So it's not even their fault. Who called Marissa Scott Storch?

Mean. Oh, boy. Caitlin, she's a real producer. He's just a piano man. Damn. Speak the truth. Tell the people. Ripped his face off.

Damn, son. Give Scott Storch back his face. Damn, son. See, I get perverted when I did it. Oh, there we go. What's DJ Cannon's favorite? Damn, son. Damn, denim.

Denim, son. Denim, denim, denim. Denim, son. Denim son Denim Denim Denim Denim son Denim son Where'd you find this I can see your butt

Oh this This bug bite That's it Huh Denim son When'd you go to Old Navy They call it Old That's not even working

I got a bug bite Go ahead Caitlin It's not a real life event. This bug bite? Yeah. Tell that to my bug bite. Okay.

If you freak out a lot, if you make it a fucking, you make it an issue, it's an issue. If you bring it up a bunch around your friends, make them deal with it too. Now it's like everybody has a bug bite. My second pick.

Elaborate and off too expensive skin care. Oh, just moisture. It's great though. Thank you. Yeah. I've seen it happen. Thanks girl. Love you. Yeah.

It reminded me. We got the same gold collagen ones. Those collagens. Yes. Really nice. Philip Thomas Roth. Yeah. I got the same gold collagen ones. Oh, yeah. Aren't those collagens? Yes. Really nice. The Philip Thomas Roth? Yeah, I got silver lip ones. Ooh, how's that?

I haven't put it on because I can't shut the fuck up. You do it. I almost did a spit take. That was close. That was close. That was the closest I've seen. Usually only Martin Lawrence makes me do spin takes. In real life, and I don't know how long,

that's the closest I've seen it get. Damn. David had to... That was... I'm going to put it on because I don't shut the fuck up. I can't. I'm allergic. I'm alone in my apartment.

I can't shut up that long. I've been talking to myself lately too. Welcome. Welcome. That's so funny. I'm all out of my apartment. I can't shut up that long. I've been talking to myself lately too. Welcome. Welcome. A lot. Yeah. It makes me feel good. And I talk to myself like.

I hope that's nobody's binge, but that's my shit too. I talk to myself like. Really much. I call myself Carms. I like that. I like that. I mean. I like that.

If you heard me talk, if you heard how I talked to myself, it, I don't even want to explain it cause it's a little too personal, but like the way I talk to myself is fucking wild. Yeah. There's, I will, I'll share two things. One, and this is psychotic and I didn't realize it till way too late and it's

too deep now, but I call me we, so I'm like, okay, we got to do this. I'm a, I'm a plural. And then I also found out,

unfortunately that the air vent from my bathroom to my neighbors is basically a fucking walkie talkie and i'm in there just yammering on and it's usually negative self-talk unfortunately but i was just in there just doing the thing i'll work it on comedy stuff and the dude clary isabel just goes shut the fuck up and i was like jesus and it felt like he was right oh my god God. Did he really? I was like, this is a harsh shot. Well, that's on that guy. Not on you. No, but I get it too.

Cause like, he's been, yeah, he's been, now I just realized how fucking quiet he's been in that bathroom. Yeah.

Because I haven't heard a fucking shit, anything. I don't know. If I were him, I'd just get out of the bathroom. If I could hear you in my living room,

maybe, but whatever. Fuck off, dude. No, he's being, he's being stupid. You know what I bet his name is? Devin, Devin, Devin. I was going to go Darren,

but Devin's even better. Devin, Devin, Devin. So do you binge it? Do you binge it over the course of a week or is it like I'm having a day? A whole session, yeah. I'm doing like nine things. Yeah, and I'll pre pre-shower

stuff and like exfoliate and get the like the pore strips going and do like foot lotion and usually i don't like show my feet but i'm like fuck we gotta do this we gotta take care of our goddamn skin i don't either it feels so weird having stuff isn't it the weirdest and then i got those socks i lost them but i did have those socks for a little while you put the lotion you put the lotion on and then you put the it's like flower sack material kind of put those on then do full shower and just doing crazy shit in the shower like really just going for it and then coming out and doing the i love the mat i love the sheet masks oh yeah the mask those things are all 36 of those for like a nickel on wish. And so I have just been going through the craziest flavors of sheet masks, man. It's fun to wear those masks.

It is so fun. And then I've got like night cream that you wear overnight and you like rinse it off in the morning and it smells so beautiful. Yeah, that'd be tricky. But it really just sinks in. No, I move around. Oh, yeah. It doesn't.

I thought it was going to be green steam. I'll bring some face masks to Palm Springs with us. It's such a treat. Everyone will wear them. I literally. Man, shit move around. Oh, yeah. It doesn't. I thought it was going to be green. It's such a treat. I literally Man, shit just got a little real. I don't travel without them. Like they come with me everywhere. Absolutely. So I just get dry skin and I can't stand it. So I put on

a sheet mask. Dry skin, dry skin, dry skin. Excellent pick. David, time for your second and third picks. My second pick, a good book. Oh, yes. I love flying through a book in like three days or two days. You know what I mean?

Where it's just like, you're just like, I just can't, can't even stop, man. Sure. Yeah. I love that show. I've only known,

I've only known that lover once. The Dirt? It was named The Dirt. Was that the only book you liked, Benji? The only book I've ever knocked out in like two days. Yeah.

For sure. It's fun, right? Joe Dirt wrote a book no uh molly crew wrote a book had a book ghost written for them no way those fucking dinks of the music industry got it i only read books that way like if a book is gonna get read it's gonna get read in like four days yeah that's usually kind of how it is at least yeah you know what's wild is I listened to Born Standing Up on tape and it took like two hours. I'm like, why can't... And he was reading it slow.

I'm like, if I tried to read this book, there's no way I could do it in two hours. There's no way I could do it. It's probably easier because he wrote it. It's more than two hours though, isn't it? Like two and a half or something. No, it wasn't very long.

It was like three walks to work or some shit. That book's not that huge though, right? No, but... It's fun reading. Because I read it before and it took me like three weeks to read or something. Because I'm just like, I'm going to read 10 minutes a night or some shit. That book's not that huge though, right? No, but it's just my point is I've taken it because I read it before and it took me like three weeks to read or something because I'm just like,

I'm going to read 10 minutes a night or some shit. I've been really into audio books, specifically written by like people we kind of know. So I was like listening to Guy read Guy's book and it's like wonderful. Guy's book is good. It's such an experience. Yeah.

So I've been on that. Did your headphones just stop you and read it to other people like along the way? Yeah. It stopped other people. Excuse me. Yeah.

That's been really nice. I like an audio book, dude. I'm a good one, man. Yeah. I wish I had it in me. Like if I could read on a plane,

that would be awesome. You have it in you. It's a, it takes dice. I play. Which is a, yeah, which is, yeah, which is a, a quality. I know as a man, Awesome. You haven't any. It takes disciple. Oh, disciple. Yeah, which is a quality I know as a man who's mastered taekwondo.

Sure. You're familiar with. That was the, yeah. Other than that, the Irish don't have a lot of disciple. No, no, no, no, no. I know, I know, I know. I also like reading a lot. I love it.

It puts me immediately to sleep. Really? Or I get bored, literally put it down, forget what I'm doing and wander off that's one thing I can't do though my mom used to always do that I remember she would like read a book in bed like before but I can't I can't if I'm in bed I'll just fall asleep I gotta read like when I get up or like in the afternoon I can't read in bed or like on a plane

reading is the thing I miss most about working all the time because that's definitely the thing that like went away oh it's the first thing that goes by the book. When your free time is sparse, you're not going to be like, oh, I'm just going to crack a book for a couple hours. Some people do. I don't know. It's hard to unwind when you're reading, but some people

do it. I cannot. Good book. What's the last good book? Any recommendation? I just started Blood Meridian this morning. Is it sci-fi? I think it's going to go pretty. No, that Cormac McCarthy book.

Because I read... Don't bring that shit to Palm Springs. I will, I will, I will. I don't need you going dark. But funny story, the last time I read it... Dark David. I just got a cowboy hat on and a machete. Wearing Hanes?

Yeah, we said bring pool clothes. These are my pool clothes. You didn't say what the pool was of. There's a reservation. I thought we were going to a pool of blood. Can I get the name? Blood Meridian. It's not on here, sir.

Fucking fine. But the funny thing here, sir? Fucking fine. But the funny thing is... I'm not staying. The funny thing is... You guys have a reservation. The last time I read a Cormac McCarthy book, I also binged it, and it was in jail waiting to get sentenced

or waiting to figure out what was going on. Yeah, that's pretty bad. I'll take your mind off it. I read it in the... No, no, I didn't at all. I read it in the Elbert County jail. All right. My next pick after reading a book is going to be cooking.

I like making a bunch of food at once. Well, food prep. Yeah. I didn't even know food prep was a thing. I just knew that like, I like buying like, I like, cause like, I don't like when I buy like chicken thighs or something, I don't like when I buy like chicken thighs or something, I don't like putting the thing. I don't like putting the container back in the fridge.

Yeah. Like, like when you cut it in half or something. So I just have always liked to make it all. And then it's like, okay, well if I'm going to make all this, I might as well make all these Brussels sprouts too at the same time. Cause I'm boring as fuck. I don't care about eating the same thing for three, four days. Me neither. Either I care a lot or, but if I get into a certain headspace where I'm boring as fuck. I don't care about eating the same thing for three or four days in a row. Me neither. Either I care

a lot or but if I get into a certain headspace where I'm just like yeah chicken thighs and Brussels sprouts. Yeah it's just food. It's just fuel and I like that. I like doing it a lot though. I like being yeah it's just fun to make like a bunch of food. That's what when I moved to Portland I went on a diet where I would have the same thing every day.

I had it for like four months. I'd have like a banana for breakfast or no I wouldn't. I'd have like a banana for breakfast. Or no, I wouldn't. I'd have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, like a banana, a yogurt, and a tuna fish sandwich with nothing on it for lunch, and then grilled chicken breast for dinner. Not healthy, but because it's not enough food for a person.

Or vegetables. More veggies. Yeah, I didn't. That was all I'd eat. And I ate that for like, well, probably two months. I probably ate that same exact thing every day. Maybe I'd have a pizza on Sunday sometimes, but yeah. Anyway, I didn't mind eating the same.

The point is I didn't mind eating the same thing. Dry tuna sandwich, dude. That's the hard one. I'll tell you. So for my hatred for seafood, I love tuna fish. I'll speak to that too. I can eat dried tuna out the can. I love it.

Yeah. With just like some salt and some sauce. Hit it with the mayo. It does taste. It looks like something. I think it's good. I also love sardines. I love sard Yeah. With just like some salt and some hot sauce. I got to hit it with a mayo. It does taste, it looks like something. I think it's good. I also love sardines. I love sardines.

I do. I mean, I love the smoked fish. I love fucking anchovies on toast. I love sardine sandwiches. Ooh, yeah. No, I like that. It's good. You know what I used to do is I'd,

every now and again, Yeah, get after it. I would take, so I was at work and I'd put this tuna fish sandwich in a Tupperware and every now and again I'd have a Taco Bell hot sauce packet that I'd put on this dry tuna fish sandwich and that would change, it was like eating hot sauce.

Well, you just get used to it and then that's kind of like when I'm minding my P's and Q's being good, not in a dark place like I am. But like even like not really. I set the rooms under blood meridian. No, but like what it'll be is like, it'll be like I'll buy chicken

and then it's just like I'm eating chicken for four days and then I got that salmon in there so that's another three days and I'm just eating salmon and shit

yeah and then I got some ground turkey and I'll make you know what I mean it's like I had a salmon salad last night

salmon really I made some salmon last week I got a big old one I love a salmon I love it's so easy

to cook a salmon that's what I was just going to say. It's fast and it's simple and it's so good. You can eat the skin. I love it when it gets all crispy. Slice up lemon, a little dill. We might have to cook them.

I was at work today in the coffee lounge or whatever and this dude, the maintenance guy, he was asking everyone, I don't know why, but for some reason he was asking people how long you leave your chicken in the fridge. Yeah, I just walk in. He goes, hey man, how long are you good

with chicken being in the fridge? I was like two weeks, but that's gotta be too long, right? No, I think that's good. How long are you guys all right with chicken being in the fridge? A week? Maybe, I don't know. I do about two weeks.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't either. Wild question. Oh, cooked or raw? I don't know what the answer is. I don't either. Wild question. Oh, cooked or raw? I think after you've made it. Oh. Three, four days. I really don't try to eat it.

I think longer than if it was uncooked. In the freezer? Oh, not in the freezer. Sorry. What if I went down to Ralph's and got one of those rotisserie chickens or whatever? Isn't that good for a long time? Like a week. Yeah,

I do that a week. I probably was sure fucking picking at one for like two weeks. Is that what he had? No, but I reminded me that he did have one sitting in there right next to me and Jim jams headshots up there. That's right. That's goddamn right.

But anyway, yeah, it was just a weird question to walk into the break room and have somebody be a, man, how long is your chicken in the fridge? I don't know, two weeks? Sean's referring to his headshot and also James Corden. Those are

on the fridge. We're right next to each other. Yeah, a week, about a week though for me I guess. Because when I make a mess of food, that's about as long as it'll go is a week. Alright, alright. But yeah, cooking. I'm good at it in like a utilitarian kind of way. Like I can make any meat-vegetable combo you need. And that's, for me, that's all. I'm good at it in like a utilitarian kind of way. Like I can make any meat vegetable combo you need.

And that's for me, that's all. I don't need anything. You know what I mean? I don't really. Some heat and some meat. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, it seems like the more, because Ian's like tried, tried to like, just be like, hey

man, just get some shit. Heat it up. Mostly. Just heat it up. And you can put pretty much any meat and any vegetable together with some seasoning. Think about what you've had that was good and then put some of those flavors together. I have this weird feeling that I'm never going to...

Or just do salt and cayenne pepper. It's not even... Yeah. Seasoning isn't even crazy if you don't need it. You know. I'm going to start making rattlesnake burritos. I'd love that. I make them at home. What do I do to talk about? I'm just writing down what I think the recipe is From looking at the picture

Alright Kaylen time for your third pick We're on third aren't we Already Already Well shit it's only been an hour and a half It's an hour and a half Conservative an hour and a half I gotta go

To a food. Motherfucking Girl Scout cookies. Oh, yeah. There they are. There's some in the kitchen. They might have three different sets of fingerprints on them. I'll tell you that.

I'm fucking after it. Because you eat them and you just keep eating them. You can't leave a box of Samoas around me. But then there's a little voice in the back of your head that's like, you're kind of helping the community. Yeah, right? You're like, you're a good person, actually.

Yeah, I'm doing this for them. I've never thought about that. This is for future business leaders. This is for. They're learning entrepreneurship. I will eat the Samoas to get rid of the Samoas so I don't eat the Samoas. I get it.

Oh, yeah. I'm like that with the trefoils. Oh, you can take the box. Don't do that to me. Feel free, man. I don't need that. Help yourself. No.

You work hard. I'm yelling. You work hard. You should treat yourself. Don't want them. Just have one. Where did all of your clothes go? I can't just have one. Where did all of your clothes go? No, I can't just have one.

Where did all of your clothes go? Yeah. So, you know, I'm selling my box spring for shortbread money. If you're not fucking with Thin Mints in the freezer, I don't want to be friends. Is it crazy to say Thin Mints? I like them in freezer treat. There's a time and a place for every girl scout cookie i like fin mints so i go i love trefoils because i'm a

dipper i like to dip them what are you dipping in milk coffee oh i don't know tea coffee i don't really drink i don't dip them in anything i never even thought about it yeah girl scout cookies i really when the samosas are in the house, that's the only one I really binge eat. Now, which one? Are those the coconut ones? Yeah. Yeah, those are.

I like the peanut butter chocolate ones so freaking much. Those are good too. Tag along. Tag along every day, baby. What are the lemon ones? Oh, yeah, I like those. The lemon ones. The lemon ones.

It's just called. The lemon ones. And then, yeah. They know what they should just call them that. Oh, grass they're all dank it's a i have a long that's right oh is that the same thing yeah yeah yeah those ones yep i have a long sordid history with the brownies and the girl scouts and that i was maybe asked to leave the organization oh no worry that sucks i refused to sell the cookies i lived out too far away from people and i just wasn't gonna play with them and i didn't want to do it anymore. So I was like, I'm out. Um, nobody fucking sells them anymore though. They don't,

they don't walk around and sell. Go ahead. That's an insane thing to do is send little girls or little kids period to people's fuck houses. I guess. I always think of Sioux Falls. It was pretty safe for us. Except for those couple of kids that went missing, right? That we just kind of forgot about and don't talk about. The Sioux Falls Six? What do you know? What do you know, Sean?

Sean, it would really help our numbers if this turned into a true crime podcast. What do you know? We're doing pretty good now, but we could really use that true crime bump. You remember Little Jessica, don't you? There's a gnarly thing about my elementary school. Yeah, it's gnarly. Whoa, really? Yeah. Oh, tune in next week. What if, oh.

Yeah, there was a crazy thing that happened. I mean, it's not like gross, but I mean, it's gross as a human. Draft crazy stories? The day before my school opened, like a five-year-old got murdered at the school. Damn. Yeah, pretty insane, right? And it was the day before the school opened.

It was a brand new school. It was JFK? And so they, and it was the day before the school opened. It was a brand new school. It's JFK. And so they were debating on if they were going to even open the school and then they did ultimately the next day. But yeah,

the very first day there were ever kids there. Dude, erotomy. Fucking gnarly, right? It'd be fun to draft crazy stories that you have though. That'd be crazy.

My God. Boy, it would be amazing. I got a couple. Yeah, I think we all got some burners in there. I don't. Yeah, but you do. I got a couple I think we all got some Some burners in there I don't You do You got some nuts stories

I got one that I've been scared to tell on this fucking thing I don't want You're teasing Sorry about that man 20 years ago What are you talking about? Crazy stories Oh yeah We'll never We'll never.

We'll never. We'll never. We'll never break the tip of the iceberg on this show. But that's Sean's third pick. I'm going to go with the food and it's going to be popcorn. Oh, popcorn. Yeah. I just can't.

It's a Boy Scouts thing. Look at us. You get it in front of me and it just goes away. Yeah. Boy Scouts. Boy Scouts. Maybe. Boy Scouts popcorn was crazy. I don't remember the Boy Scouts popcorn and it just goes away. Yeah. Boy Scouts, Boy Scouts. Maybe. Boy Scouts popcorn was crazy.

I don't remember the Boy Scouts popcorn. Except for the caramel. Yeah. Like, I don't know how they pop that corn so fat, but they're like. I don't remember. There was Boy Scout popcorn. Honey, if you're going to ask. I don't know how that ended. There's like big nuts in there.

Big ass nuts. Nugs. No. Popping them fat corn nugs the popcorn that I like to binge are those big tins that come where they have the caramel

and the cheese all of Amy was when I was house in and I had to make it illegal you just do you eat the caramel then the cheese

or whatever or you mix them up and then all the the shitty corns left you're like well if I hadn't had those other two this would still be

pretty dank popcorn what's the shitty corn butter is delicious this're like, well, if I hadn't had those other two, this would still be pretty dank popcorn. What's the shitty corn? Butter is delicious. This is so funny because I am a savory boy, we've talked about it. I don't fuck with caramel corn like that. I'll do caramel corn every...

Get after it. You know what you gotta do? Caramel corn popped up on the scene? That was great. Revolutionary time in the 90s. There were drawbacks too. You know how Kelly Corn popped up on the scene? Yes. That was great. Revolutionary time in the 90s. It really was, yeah. You know, there were drawbacks to the bombing at the 96 Olympics. Oh, the whole guy.

But we also got Kelly Corn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was cool. Here's a slap down move is putting Parmesan cheese on your popcorn. That's not a lot of people do that. You want to know what's a real fucking. Are you going to say what I think you're going to say? I have someone who suffers from gout on occasion. What? I can't do it know what's a real fucking. Are you going to say what I think you're going to say?

I can't do it because it's a real trigger, but brewer's yeast. I don't know what that is. I knew you were going to say it. Because you are a consumer of fine and delicious foods. As in my goddamn self. And what you do is you put a little red wine vinegar in a spritzer bottle. Just like a little water spritzer. And you spritz it. And then you just crumble.

Damn, y'all on a new level. That was it. Not okay. You guys are out here spritzer, and you spritz it, and then you just crumble. Damn, y'all on a new level. That was it. Not okay. You guys are out here spritzing vinegar on your pop flake? Yes. Really? It's creepy.

I had no idea, man. Spritz and vinegar, the Buffalo Bills linemen. Spritz and vinegar, man. Change the game. Brewer's yeast all over that shit. RIP Malik Sealy. RIP spritz and vinegar.

I'm about 220 pounds of spritz and vinegar over here. There you are. But no, brewer's yeast or nutritional yeast is another name for it. I'm about 220 pounds of spritz and vinegar over here Brewers yeast or nutritional yeast is another name for it Holy fuck Does it look like yellow flour? Does it look like yellow flour? Yeah

It looks not good but it tastes real yummy I guess like yeast How'd you pick that up? My older sister. Portland shit. She's just cool. What is it like?

Is it like taste like candy or what's the deal? No, it's savory. Well, I don't get what's going on. Is it candy? It's umami. It's umami flavor. I guess is the best way to describe it. Okay.

David's losing it. What is it? Is it like candy? David's losing it. We're so serious. Is she still in the house? David's losing it. What is it? Is it like candy? David's losing it. What's your answer? Is she selling my house? Motorboat and son of a bitch. Does it taste like candy?

I did sit up like, oh, is it candy? You did sit up. You were so happy. That's full attention. Are we going to go get a bus? Are we going to go now? Does it taste like candy? Where do we go?

Where do we go? I have, man, I'll go down on fucking popcorn in ways that I'm ashamed of myself. If you show me a video of me eating popcorn, I'd be like, look at this fucking slob. Anybody, take footage of anyone in a movie theater and be like, have you never had food? Are you feral?

My mom will get, man, okay. My mom will go get, she'll get a large popcorn and then she'll go immediately and she'll get one of those cup, like a four cup holder holder things dump all the popcorn out and then she'll be like can i get the refill because you get a free refill or whatever yeah so she'll just make us carry like four of those cup holder things because they don't just go into one so like she'll dump a large oh because she doesn't want to miss any of the movie right so she'll just get it all before she goes in next level last time we went when we went to Aquaman, when she was calling Jason Momoa Jason and shit.

Yeah, that's his name. We're sitting there. And so she goes, can we just get the rest in a bag? And so he got a garbage bag out and put a large popcorn in a full garbage, full size garbage bag. So I was walking through like trash with what looked like old thrown away popcorn in a real clear garbage bag into Aquaman. I ate it.

Fuck it, man. You already got a girlfriend and your mama loves you. It got eaten. But I was just like, man. Who's going to check you? The world is your ashtray. Do you understand me? South Dakota jamokes.

You do what you need to fucking be doing. Man, the best day, if I could just describe having three things that I like a lot, discount weed, Girl Scout cookies, elaborate popcorn. And I've had that day. And it's a good fucking day. I always thought it would be cool to put bacon grease on popcorn. Bacon grease on the popcorn?

Instead of melted butter? How are you living? Let's do some experiments you are living my friend I've experimented popping popcorn in bacon grease instead of using vegetable oil yeah like on the stove do they still do jiffy pop

oh you can I'll put hot sauce on it too it gets messy you'll put hot sauce on it that's crazy what is it lettuce I detect a tone. I detect a tone. Eating popcorn lettuce over here. Popcorn

salad? That was my nickname in prep school, dude. Popcorn salad. Popcorn salad coming to the party. It's going, crack it! Popcorn and lock corn. They're both coming. It's time for my third and fourth picks, as it is, as it is, a serpentine draft. With my third pick, I'm going to take something, the food that I only like to dim some. Baby.

I only like to binge. Dim some. There it is. We got it on the right one. Everything. Owie, owie. It does feel so good to just be up to my muffin shrimp. When that cart comes up, I'm like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that. Drop it. What was that? $19 somehow? Fine. Yeah. No, you're right, man. That dim sum is the time to go in.

I have never, ever controlled myself at dim sum. I don't know what the right amount of food to get there is. I always get way too much. There's no right amount. Yeah. There's no wrong amount. That's how they make their money. Just order by what you feel good about. I'm so glad it's not okay to order dim sum alone.

I'd go real nuts. I feel like I was by myself. What do you mean? You can't do it alone? You can't just go? It's just weird. There's not like a bar situation where like a sushi, you can go to the bar.

You have people talking about you behind your back in Mandarin. I guess why? Are you okay with that? I'm funny. Yeah. Why would you go there? I'll take one of those and then the check, please. What are you doing?

Yeah. No, there's no way to do it. I'm afraid of like, I would somehow order so much food that then they would have to come up with like a, with a nickname for me. That would be like the... Here comes pork bun. Yeah, the unholy pig of the Prius. You know what I mean?

Yeah, but in Chinese it sounds cool. It's a mouthful, but yeah. The translation, you don't know. It'd be real slick. The unholy pig of the Prius. You know, oh, here comes the unholy pig of the Prius again. Have you had this anxiety dream, Ian? Have you had this

anxiety dream? This feels like you're pulling from a well that already exists. Oh, man, dude. The unholy pig of the Prius. That nailed me. That nailed me. Man, that was funny.

We've had a great time at Demsum. And we had mall dim sum it was fucking perfect I went to Din Tai Fung oh yeah that's where I went the first day I moved to

that's where I went Din Tai Fung yeah there he goes there he goes wait you went to this Din Tai Fung no we went to the

mind your business oh thank you sorry Faye I'll back up I'll back up I'll do the rest of this outside why are you worried about where we went

no I'm not they just burned you. Burned you. Burned you. Do you know what your and Caitlin's favorite meal that you had was together when you were in Seattle? Probably that sandwich. Yeah, probably that sandwich. Dim Sum was really good.

Yeah, it might have been. Okay. Do you know what was your second favorite meal that you might have had when you were in Seattle? What are you trying to set up here? Dim Sum, Dim Sum, Dim Sum. There's someone laughing in their car. Not for the right reason. No one in this living room.

I'll tell you, but someone outside is laughing at 30 people in here too. That's what they don't know. That's how bad that bomb. Uh, dim sum, dim sum. Uh,

yeah, I think my favorite thing is a dim sum right now. I love the little pork spare ribs. God, they're so good. Oh, hell yeah. They're so itty bitty. I like the little shrimp noodles, the long ones that they cut up with scissors. Oh, yeah.

Disgusting shit. Gross. Oh, that kimchi one with the pork in it? Oh, that one was really good. We got a dim tai fung. We got this like kimchi pork dumpling. Fuck. It was like perfect hot spicy. The steamed dumplings are the shit. I stay away from, yeah, the steamed dumplings.

I'm not a bao guy. That's the thing about me. Really? I don't know what that is. You don't know bao anymore? I don't know. Bao is like the dirty. But I'll do one, two, and that's it.

And I don't want more than that. I just want more shumai than bao. Yeah. Shumai, I mean, yeah. Yeah. So dim sum is my third pick hell yeah and then with my fourth pick i'm gonna take weed i don't know what i had it on there too i just

why don't you guys like to have a day i mean i'm the type where I'll have maybe one little gummy before bed You know and like just to ease you in Just to sort of wash the day away Like I take a sleeping pill situation Where it's like you just take something and chill your shit out He means two shooters of JMO One for each of you

Irish Klonopin I'm very rich Klonopin What are you each of you. An Irish Klonopin. What are you doing? That doesn't look like a sleeping pill at all. It's an Irish sleeping pill. And I'll thank you to shut the fuck up about it. Excuse me, I'll be writing sad poetry. But no, weed is, yeah, sometimes it's good to just get high.

I think it looks like it ties into your oh yeah last it ties into your alone time thing but like it pays well with skincare oh for sure i'm like i'm like yeah let's smoke nine bowls or whatever let's just not even talk let's just get fucking yeah so gone and watch youtube videos it's to, I don't know if this is like, if this is just like a comedian thing, I doubt it is. It seems arrogant to assume it is at all, but like your brain is screaming at a hundred miles an hour.

So all the time, I mean like between, I can't even make sense of it to be honest. Yeah. And like sometimes it's just like, well, let's shut that down. Weeds the only thing that makes my brain feel normal.

Yeah. Well that, and then I write fun jokes. Yeah. Most of the shit my brain's screaming about in this day and age is not comedy. It's still screaming. It's like stuff. It's just stuff that it's like, holy crap.

So, yeah, whatever it takes to chill it out. It's probably everybody, man. I mean, I can't imagine. I hope so. Otherwise, I'm a bigger freak than I thought. I know. I feel like a fucking psycho. Advantage to that being my default forever is that there's no big giant

abrupt change being in LA. It's just, this is how I always say it. Yeah. It was always, yeah. I am a high key, low key,

high key guy. I'm fine. There's just a lot going on that is the perfect explanation for you I've ever

heard the high key low key high key guy really high key low key you know one of those

back to high key also high key what's the party really low key couldn't tell you high key low key high key low key like she'll go to

the after party but she'll punch you in the face there. But it's cool. I don't start fights. I end up. But yeah, weird. I like to have those days where I just like fucking binge on it.

And maybe, I don't know if that counts as binging if I have a little bit most nights, but I think it still counts. Yeah, but you set that like fuck off afternoon aside. Yes. And you're like, I'm just going to feel weird. Blazed. And it's like 11 a.m. Yeah.

And I'm like, whoa. And you don't ever get to do that. So it's not like, very rare. Yeah. So it's not like, it's not like me who just,

super rare. Does it to wake up and go to sleep. So weed. Weed. Sean, tell me your fourth pick. Well, unfortunately it's a problematic one

but I'm going to pick alcohol unfortunately I'm going to pick alcohol alcohol fourth and it's tricky because it's not a like the only bad because I don't think weed is even bad this is like the only actual bad thing but I do enjoy

just having a bottle taking it down. I'm trying to, I'm trying to chill out on that, but to say I don't enjoy it would be a vicious lie. I do enjoy it. And not, not to the point where it's like a competition or like I'm getting initiated

to a frat or anything, but I just like, well, I'm serious, but I just do like to have a bottle sitting there that I can just handle. I can get it down at my own pace, and I will. And it's fun. See, it's a bummer to say out loud.

It's not a bummer. It is, but I mean, I do enjoy it. That's why I want to smoke weed, because I don't want to enjoy that as much as I do, but I do like it. I don't like it. There's a point where it's not like you don't want to drink a whole bottle, but I do like sitting and having more than you should for drinks,

which is frustrating. But you know, that's, that's just something I like. It's fun to get all drunk. It's, it's how it turns my shit off. Like it is very fun to get.

You're like, you're in the first few drinks. You're like, man, I feel great. And then you just, and the other ones, you're like,

what, what stress? What do I care about? Yeah. And I would like that to go away but honestly i don't respect it do you hear the 40 team no they won't know that's why no but you know that's um that's uh it's just something i don't drink at home i think it's i don't know that's a good i never did i don't drink at home i really are but it's only for entertaining right yeah i really don't know. That's a good policy. I don't drink at home. I have the whole bar, but it's only for entertaining. Yeah, I really don't either. I just don't keep it.

Yeah, I'll go out though. I'll fuck it up. And we all know that. Yeah, nobody was, whoa. Nobody was pressing on you. Hey, hey. Nothing to, nothing to. You just looked me up and down like a piece of meat just now.

Nobody else saw that. Hikey, lokey, hikey. Looked me up and down like a piece of meat just now anybody else saw that hikey lokey hikey look me up and down like a tequila rose sure that what you are my friend it's fun to have yeah it's fun to get a little drunk yeah it is and that's that's i guess what i'm saying is it's just fun because i've never been a have a drink and go home kind of person i just haven't and i just i don't know that i ever well i just wouldn't have the drink I'd come hang out and I would have a soda or something if I was going to have a drink. I'm going to have a couple, I'm going to have a couple. And yeah, so I think it's fun. Yeah. That's my, that's my fourth pick. That's my PSA. It's my fourth problematic pick. Binge

drinking. It's fine. It's, but it's like, yeah, it sounds harsh. It's the thing I'm trying to work on. But just to get like less drunk, I'm trying to work on but just to get like less drunk i'm trying to work on it a little buzz on you know just to be like okay i had five drinks that night you know and then go home like i know some people seems like a lot but we are it's happened more lately yeah that i've where i've done had a few and then go home and i'm like i'm just sitting in bed it's like i'm not even tore up anymore yeah Yeah, right? That feels really good. Say a word. Oh, yeah.

Kalen, your fourth pick. We're doing five altogether? Yeah. Okay, because I don't want to add on that. Probably be a quick one on the fifth round. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. The motherfucking saddest songs.

Oh. Man. Oddly enough, that follows my last pick. These really did go on our Girl Scout Cookies and Popcorn to Weed Boots just weeping. I have sat there and listened to the song they played at my dad's funeral like 15 times in a row.

That's some shit. What's the song? Sarah McLaughlin's Angel. And I don't know why they played it. It's like shit. Just like, what's the song? Sarah McLaughlin's Angel. And I don't know why they played it. It's like they were swinging for the fences. Yeah, you know why. But he didn't,

he would like Jackson Brown to be played at his funeral. The songs that we played for my little sister's funeral memorial. And you wonder. The songs that, oh yeah,

I'll just get fucking in there and just roll around in it and just let them fucking rip. And you ever just sit there like, why am I doing this? I know. And not that, and here's the thing because it fucks me up so much so then I'll be like well I'll play a happy song

to remind me of a happy time. I have weeped unnecessarily gross in front of people to Kiki D and Elton John's The Human in the future

Don't go breaking my heart Don't go breaking my heart Don't go breaking my heart Totally crying to that Because it's a happy song That's me and my little sister Used to be a song But man I was already

In my head about Halo And that fucked me up And then that Sam Smith Oh Sam Smith was almost The pick just by himself Because every song Lay me down Are you kidding?

I don't even like to talk about it. I have wept to some Sam Smith. Sam Smith. Adele does that for me. Adele do that to her. Did you know that Our Beautiful Baby came out as non-binary?

I did. I saw that today. I was so happy. It was just so nice. Yeah, Sam Smith, non-binary. That's awesome. Team Strong, non-binary, gender.

Sam Smith. Rock. Rips. With Sam Smith. Seriously. I was listening to them on the flight back from the Grammys where I got to see them live. And just being like, oh, that's right.

Bremen. Just fucking Bremen. Yeah, but like on a plane with all my coworkers and just being like, ah, oh, fun. Fun trip. I'm like, oh, oh, oh. podcast bill simmons uh he is a very they have a very fucking special voice and words and that lay me down song fucks me up and it's so good how much it really is yeah uh say something i'm giving up on you oh my god oh my god jesus christ gave me goosebumps yeah and it just casually comes on in public yeah okay at the grocery store how dare you that is too much i love i love having a good

weep session yeah been getting a few of those in yeah i'll get back to like the songs my mom was really into and it's like old Christian songs and stuff like that too will still kind of get me. All gospel and God just binge it. Just get in there. Yeah. Fuck yourself all the way up. What's the reason not to? People don't open up and let themselves

fucking cry a little bit every now and again. I feel like so many people don't want to do that. You gotta be doing it. You gotta be working out those tears. It feels so good after. People associate it like it's such a bad thing. It doesn't have to be. It's my alone time. Sometimes I just cry it out and I just feel better.

Process of feeling, man. Say a word. You got to go there. There it is. David, time for your fourth pick and then your fifth pick. Yeah. So my fourth pick, and I want to be clear about this because I've done this at every stage of my life is spend money.

Oh yeah. But it's like, but like, but like it's, I'm not, that's not like a, Oh, I'm doing okay now. That's like back in the day when I had no money and I got paid a hundred bucks, 20 of it was me fucking off, which would maybe just like me going crazy at two for tuesdays and getting biscuits and then going and getting tall cans or some shit like that but it's i've always been like that like even when i was it's so important no pot to piss in yeah you just you need you need an amount of money to make you feel like a when you're broke as fuck dog you just

sometimes you need you need to be able to spend 30 bucks like it's nothing to feel like you're a person again yeah that is what i mean like that's just like be yourself and do your shit and want to be able to just control one little fucking thing yeah that's like when people are ripping on poor people for spending money it's like bro you are never like that it's insane to me it's like because what would you do you would just sit and hate yourself the whole fucking time, you asshole. Yeah. Like that's like,

it's the same thing about people like ripping on fat people. So I'm just supposed to hate myself every day of my fucking life because I'm not like you. Oh, you caught me

the one day I was out there eating pizza and you're like, go to the gym. Yeah, fuck out of here, bro. Go to the gym

if you're gonna fucking let me beat your ass there, you fucking skinny piece of shit. Yeah. It's also the same kids when you were a kid would be like go to the gym if you're gonna fucking let me beat your ass there, you fucking skinny piece of shit. It's also the same kids you were when you were a kid would be like, you're fat, you can't catch me. And you're like, yeah, it's because you're a coward.

If you would stand, if you go down the tunnel, I'll catch you with a right and a left. I'm gonna put you under this playground, kid. Give you a two-piece, no chaser. Nobody's gonna find you. Right down Main Street, playboy. Bury you under these fucking wood chips, kid. I'll make you eat these knockoff Jordans, son. When, if someone doesn't have any money

and like, because I used to get it all the time. Granted, I was bad with money. Still am. But people are like, why do you go out to eat? And you're like, I can't. You can't be broke and then go get ramen and then sit on your bed and eat it out of a bowl and be like, this all sucks. Can't be every day. This all sucks. It can't be every day, dude.

And it's like. it also you know you just you just have to feel good you have to feel like a person and that might be like maybe that's being as poor as i've been and maybe people can't relate to that yeah but it's like so it's like i guess i still do it now i'll buy like a pair of shoes or something but it's not it's yeah it's not but it's not as important it's not as important to make me feel like a person now as it was when i was you know sleeping on a floor and just didn't have anything i'm like yeah you know what for one afternoon i'm gonna not drink one dollar beers absolutely yeah that's just how that money is important. Yeah. So yeah, spending money, spending money. And my last pick,

and this is also super true, man. King of the Hill. Hell yeah. It's just like, there's like... King of the Hill's absolutely the best animated show there's ever been. It's my favorite television show. It's tricky.

No, I understand that The Sims... Me, personally, David Borey, that's what nobody else... It's my favorite TV show. Wait, this is the first show. It's tricky. No, I understand that the Simpsons... Me, personally, David Borey, that's what nobody else... It's my favorite TV show. Wait, this is the first show in the draft, isn't it? Yeah. I love that we've... Yeah, yeah. I had to try so hard to not pick shows.

King of the Hill is standing on the shoulders of giants. It is. Did not mean to say anything bad about its predecessors. Don't apologize to me. you apologize to last week's champion i definitely am i definitely am yeah no that's not what nobody's nobody's king of the hill is an amazing show nobody's got no problem with that it's my favorite yeah and that's like and that's over live action as well like there's no tv i've just there's no tv show i've watched as much as king of the hill sure and yeah

I don't want to get into it because it's like I'll start I have so many theories and stuff but yeah King of the Hill man there'll be sometimes

there'll be like I'll realize I've gone three four days and if I watched anything it was like I'll go long stretches where I just watch only King of the Hill

that's the weird thing when you go into meetings and they're like so what are you watching lately and you're like oh that is you're supposed to say

you're supposed to say I You're supposed to say. Pen15 and the other two. But shout out to Pen15. It was so good. Of course. But if we're being real real. It made me so uncomfortable. That's not what it is.

I think that was a point though. I know. Because they were adults. It was weird. Yeah. But yeah. King of the Hill. Yeah.

Also shout out Shrill. Oh yeah. Yeah. Shrill was so good. Sorry what his name is. Should have been 12 episodes I feel like.rill. Oh, yeah. Shrill was so good. Sorry, we're just naming stuff. Should have been 12 episodes, I feel like. Yeah. Six was really short-changed.

Real conservative. Kind of makes you wonder why. Kind of makes you feel like that was the problem. Whatever. I don't know. I know. I'm speculating. But it was very precious.

I loved it. There you go. Caitlin, your final pick? This is a really, really tough one because there's three that are my default Go to shows to fuck with But I gotta Go Drag Race Hey RuPaul and the ladies

And the girls and it's the most god damn Delicious fucking drama And antics And get up and chaos And attitudes And quips and gifts and looks. You can ever fucking ask for it. It's the best goddamn show that ever existed.

They killed Manila. Pop, pop. Can we tell you we saw Naomi Smalls last night? I can't handle that. Don't tell her. Oh, my God. I got a picture with her. We'll talk about that.

We'll talk about that out there. But she took my face. Yeah, I watch Drag Race with you a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drag Race is incredible. Where do you guys watch it? Someone do it. My house.

Do you go to the bar with Solomon when he watches it on Tuesdays? I haven't been able to, but I'm trying to do more. Yeah, Solomon goes to like a bar and watches it. Yeah, I thought they had like parties. Yeah, we just watch it on the race car size TV that he's got. Race car size bed TV. It's so big. It's so big.

But yeah, Drag Race is incredible. We watch on that. And then going back and watching old seasons and even all-stars and stuff. that he's got race car size bed TV it's so big it's so big but yeah drag racing we watched on that and then going back and watching old seasons and even all stars and stuff and then there's so much

other content too there's like the YouTube untucked like series so you could they interview the girls like in the backstage after whatever

just happened on stage and like going back through those and remembering oh my god like the episode was so crazy and then you like

find out what other shit talk actually happened. Bluff. I'm kidding. We're going to get in a drag race. I have wanted to watch it forever. So many sound bites.

It's so gif-able. It's so good. Dude, you hear the best things. I've just never seen an episode. Sincerely so funny, too. It's compelling, man. Yeah. Yeah.

We get into it. It's like daytime soap plus wrestling antics yeah because you have your favorites and your dark horses yeah it is like it is like watching wrestling it's a lot like watching wrestling like the same kind of stuff i like from wrestling i like sure and i've been like really really lucky to work with some queens and so like bob and bob the drag queen and then Monet is like their close. So like I'm so deep in exactly like that family

and oh my God, it's just so cool. Yeah. Yep. Drag Race, baby. You got to get into it. Drag Race. Yeah, hell yeah.

I mean, it's not for lack of want. No. Just filling the calendar thing. But we'll find some time for it. Absolutely. Sean Jordan, time for your final pick.

I'm picking a TV show then I'm picking Queer Eye. Oh, hell yeah. It absolutely has to be. I mean, that show is... You watching the new one? No, I haven't yet.

Not Niagara Falls, huh? Oh God. I cried during the trailer. Oh, slowly I turned. I saw the trailer the other night and I cried during the trailer and I was like,

you're not ready to watch it because it was like 1130 and also, you know, we watched them last time so i was gonna wait and see like what the deal is but um yeah dude that show because we i think you and zach watched a couple and you were like you gotta watch the new queer eye because i hadn't i didn't even know it was out and then i watched one and all i think all of us sat the three of us sat in

this room crying together yeah yeah oh yeah because you guys re-watched the first couple because you're like you gotta see him and yeah and it wasn't any of that like are you no it's just like yeah why would you not be it's the best beautiful i think it's so i think it's so wonderful and i've heard i've heard valid criticisms of like how it's like centered on you know that's straight well the original show is called queer eye for the straight guy right right so it's hard to get away from those roots. And it's, you know, it would be nice to help other people or whatever, whatever.

But I will say, and I think I've said this before, I think it is so wonderful to have, it's a thing that we try to talk about, like low-key, just like teaching dudes to like love themselves and take care of themselves and be like,

and practice self-love and like do good things for yourselves as a way of like making you feel better about life so that you're better to the people around you. Yeah. I think that's such a wonderful message. I really, I really love it.

I didn't even believe in that till I moved to Los Angeles. Yeah. Right. Dudes. What? It's hard. You're out here using different bars of soap for your face. You coward.

Like I totally thought men suffer in silence you coward. Like, I totally thought men suffer in silence, boy. Dude, shut the fuck up about it. That's how I always felt. I've always been a fairly emotional boy. But I'll always be kind to yourself, and it's always important. You know, not that I've noticed that in you.

No. But I'm just saying I think that's true of all of us. So important to do that. And care for yourself. I agree. So queer. Wonderful show. For my last saying, I think that's true of all of us. So important to do that. Yep. And care for yourself. Yeah, I agree. So queer, uh, wonderful show for my last one. I can't, I can't take all video games.

That would be ridiculous. After you, you can't. Yeah. So it's on the board, but that's dirty pool. I'm not going to do it. So I'm going to take the one that I binge by far the most,

which is the NBA 2K franchise. Yeah, dude. Perfect. I will, sometimes I'll be like, how is there a basketball game on right now? It's one in the morning. How many overtimes? And yeah, it's almost more fun to watch.

I've taken probably every team but the Lakers and the Utah Jazz to at least a couple seasons on that game. Both out of spite? Fuck the Lakers and fuck the Jazz. Yeah, super fuck the Jazz. I stand with Westbrook. Fuck the Jazz. I do too.

Big time. I've even taken the Thunder. I just love that game. It's just, it's really, that is the one that's best at turning my brain off is playing NBA 2K. Is it because it's so in depth is it because it's so in depth? It's really immersive and it lets you,

I mean, it like allows for like this, like, I don't know where you're like, okay, you start thinking about like building the team the next year and you're like going after free agents and like, I won't,

I'll turn trades off or like where I have to approve them. So like if two teams tried to, if like the Lakers like trade LeBron James for like Russell Westbrook, I'm like, that would never happen. Disallow. You know what I'm saying? I'm like,

Oh, you just feel like the commissioner, like fuck that ain't, that ain't right. People probably think it's like stupid where they're like, it's a video game. Why wouldn't you put Anthony Davis and like all these players? It's a wild thing to even put thought into.

If you think that's stupid, like as a dude who plays video games on easy the few times he plays video games, just play how you want to play. It's fucking made up anyways, dude. If you do want to put Durant and Anthony Davis on the same team, go nuts. You're the boss of your boat when you're playing.

You play how the fuck you want to play. I would like living in the real world. I play very realistic. I like that. That's cool. But that's the one, I mean. I could name a million games. Red Dead Redemption 2, I definitely binged. Stardew Valley, known for binging.

When I played Tony Hawk and binged it, I would try my best to do realistic tricks. Sometimes I would sit for hours and do tricks that I thought I could do in real life. Christ Air 900. Nolly Christ Air 900. Manuel on the Christ Air 900. Nolly the EMB Big 6.

Nolly 180 the EMB Big 6. Jeff Rowley doing a Christ Air Air 900. Nollie the EMB Big 6. Christ Air 900. Nollie 180 the EMB Big 6. Jeff Rowley doing a Christ Air 900. He flipped the EMB Big 6. Alyssa Steamer doing a Christ Air 900. Which heel flipped the EMB Big 6? I hear you cluck a Big 6. I don't like this weird code. All I know is Christ Air 900 is a pretty doable skateboard move.

You got it. So, yeah, NBA 2K19 is my final pick. That's good, man. I was scared. No, I didn't think we were going to step on toes. No, I thought I was going to pick all TV shows. At about noon today, I was like, I'm only going to pick TV shows. Yeah.

So it made me think. I think this was more like, yeah, it makes you think a little more. Yeah. And it was nice because we got to talk about it. To recap, David, you went first and you took alone time, a good book, cooking, spending money, and then king of the hill. Wait, no. Is that Jackass?

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding Oh, Bobbin. That's his noisy makes. Okay, where else did you win? Second, you took Instagram, skincare, Girl Scout cookies, the motherfucking

saddest songs, and then RuPaul's Drag Race. Damn. Sean, you went third. You took holiday treats, healthcare, popcorn, alcohol, and then Queer Eye. That is a crazy afternoon. It's who she is.

Hell yeah. That could be an afternoon. That sounds like a real afternoon. You could do all that. I went last and I took New Music, Chores, Dim Sum, Weed, and NBA 2K19. Another day. You've had that day.

You've had that day. That's the only day that's happened for real. I probably have that day on Sunday coming right up. God, that's tight. Really showing our asses here. Really just showing our big parts of ourselves. Well, that podcast could be all fans can show your ass. I mean, as far as we're concerned.

I mean, a left fucking Seinfeld on the board. Oh, my God. Are we doing left on the board? AbFab. All of Harry Potter. So good. All of Harry Potter. I like to do calling my Potter. I like to do,

call on my family. I like to call like my dad and then my mom and then my sister. Oh, get the whole group. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One at a time. Send them just good texts

like, hey, you're dope. You know, stuff like that. Mother fucking endless pasta Olive Garden baby. I didn't have anything else. Well, I've done it twice. The way you giggle. I had clean socks.

I don't know how I was going to make that work. I didn't leave too much. I didn't have too much. Store's in the mall, but I don't know if I binge them. I just, the mall, I was going to say, like having a mall day, but that doesn't count really. Ice cream. I said frozen yogurt because you can eat so much and it's like basically healthy.

I think. I don't really know. Let's not look into it. Let's say it's healthy. Sure. But there's no, definitely not doing any research, but I don't think there's any other place where you do like do you want a choice of 16 ounces or 24 ounces? And you're like

well, I think 24. 24 probably. Well, which is healthier more, right? What I want is 20, but since I can't get that, I'll get I guess I'll do. The healthier amount. Please. Yeah. I'll do 48. Excellent picks all around. Yeah. Beautiful draft uh shout out to everyone on

twitter and instagram make sure you send us yours uh at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com nailing uh feel free to send us those shout out to everyone on the patreon thank you for your patreon thank you thank you thank you we're gonna be putting out a watch along here fairly soon the mailbag should have dropped already, I believe. Yeah. What else? What else? Oh, shout out to everyone on the AFV subreddit.

Shout out to everyone who came out to the shows in Portland. Sorry to everyone in Boise. We'll be back at some point, probably. Don't worry, I'll be there, baby. Yeah, go see Caitlyn instead. Fuck with me. Fuck with me. Go see Caitlyn.

Go see Caitlyn instead. Shout out to Super Buddhist and Marissa. She's the best. Shout out to the All Family. Shout out to Trillblazing for designing that tight merchandise. I hope you got in on it on time. Because Trillblazing does not leave stuff up. They don't mess around.

That shit's already gone, man. You're going to have to eBay that shit for crazy money. You're going to have to me-bay it, dude. Me-bay it. You, bro. And then you're going to have to we-bay it. Shout out to the wire. Who designed that all sports, old school, peewee basketball? Spencer.

God, that's so good. Spencer Turbolas. Fucking nailed it. Shout out to Spencer. Y'all remember all sports? Oh, yeah. Oh, God damn. That was perfect.

I love that. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Rashid. Shout out to Rashid Wallace. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Rashid. Shout out to Rashid Wallace. Shout out to Rashid Wallets. Shout out to fucking Mike Malloy.

Fuck you, Mike Malloy. I threw my wallet into the crowd for fun, and he said I called someone broke when I did it. I'm going to hit him with a chair. I definitely didn't, by the way. I don't think that you did. I'm kind of resenting. I can't imagine.

It's because we were giving out stickers, and I was like, I don't have anything. Oh, here, take my wallet. I appreciate that. Mike Malloy literally just texted me, is this the summer we get into hockey jerseys? Oh, my God. What does he know? We're fat.

We can't wear hockey jerseys. He doesn't get it. Do you want to look like Kevin Smith? Yeah, he's an athlete. He can wear a hockey jersey. He can wear a fucking sweatshirt. He can get made fun of for that hockey jersey if he wears it. Either way.

This is a summer he gets killed with a sword by me. That might be what summer it is. More important than all that, though. Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! Hockey jerseys. That was a HeadGum Podcast.