All Fantasy Everything - Things You Do Alone (w/ Laura Peek)

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

We get nasty on this one, but what else do you expect from a Peekisode?Guest:Laura Peek (@laurapeeklive)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps, plus fries, and a medium soft drink for just $8. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. You have an episode of all fantasy everything, the podcast of fantasy drafts anything, and get this everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting things you do by yourself. I love this.

No. If you're just listening and not watching, which you can do on YouTube, David caught a Coca-Cola, and it was so cool. Thank you. And then thought about opening it, but stop because you realize it would blow up on your shirt. Well, I didn't. I already blew up on my shirt. Today's a tough day.

I ruined my Jamel's shirt. Can you tell the folks what happened? Because it's pretty tight. I had the shirt on my head. I was being really funny and affable. Everybody thought, oh, man, this guy's so charming. And then I went to the bathroom. I took my shirt off my head and put it in the sink.

Yeah. And then the sink blasted it. And now I'm kind of way. Were you going for two? Why'd you take your shirt off? What? Were you going for two? Why'd you take your shirt off?

What do you mean? Were you pooping? Oh, no. He had it on his head. Like hanging on his head. My shirt was on my head. I had to pee. I didn't want to double.

I didn't want to hand to hand. I don't want to get it in there. And then as soon as I started pee and it was like, and then I'm like, fuck, I can't. I'm in the middle. It was just, uh. He had on his head because we were kind of riffing in the kitchen. We were having fun.

Who was a kitchen riffing? Man, I love to come in with a hat that's not a hat. Yeah, I know. Sue me. Yeah. I like to have fun. I would never, I would never enter litigation over that. Don't you ever fucking sue me?

My lawyer, I remain, is going to. That was from the last episode. Oh my God, wait. I remain. I remain. I also remain. I remain. It's a goddamn hitball in the courtroom.

Gouche Man's Jewish cousin. I remain. I'm still here, and I remain. I'll get the table a little closer for the feet there, just case you want to put your feet up. I'm big, put my foot up. I feel like I've come to this pot a lot. Is that a brand of socks, bombas?

Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. Never seen the bombs? I rock bambas all the time. They're good. They donate a pair. Each pair you get, they donate a pair. We're not sponsored by them. No.

They are a big podcast sponsor. But I'll say this. Should we not, Isaac, should you just, bleep bombas a little bit? Or no? I don't know. Are we currently sponsored by a sock company? I don't think so, because we're not sponsored by stance or anything.

Well, let me go say this. My feet are fucking free agents. Laura Peep might be wearing bombas. Oh, yeah. If you want to befoot all fantasy everything, get in the game, get in the pick and try to love someone. La, la, la, la, bomb. I didn't even have a riff when I started. We'll start that riff, but we won't finish it until you come with the money.

The money. It's going to be created. I keep wanting to do the big bopper Hello, Bambas What's that? Can I what? Can I sniff your feet? Because he seemed like he would like to sniffing stocking.

Yeah, you don't talk like that and not like a footstiff every now. Yeah. I think the big boppur was getting it anyway he could get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Foot, butt. You guys want to go out and get some foot tonight? Knee pit? I think he'd take some knee pit if he could get it.

Foot and mouth disease. Meat pit. It's a venereal disease. He's got hand, foot, and mouth is what he does with those things. We should start calling hand, foot, and mouth, the big bopper. Oh, you got the big bop. You got the big bopper, baby. That was like Big Frida.

I get confused. Oh, yeah. No, it was same. Wouldn't it be cool if they were related somewhere? The big popper, big free to and big boy from Outcast? They're triplets. There's a weird photo The big family reunion

goes crazy They're all over a big mama's house You know what else You know as a cousin? Jason Biggs, dude He's hanging out The Bigbber's holding Like a photo of big boy

In the womb Big Bird Yeah JT's the bigger figure He's around That's a big bird Isn't he? It's a big bird

That's a big bird That's a big bird Fit big bird That big bird is fit Mantle Mantrainer Mickey Mento Should we start

Should we become a drill Should we each become a drill musician Name Mickey Mantle? Drill is that what the British do? What is it? What's there? We're one musician I think it's called drill?

I think so I think you might be right Yeah If you like that Where there's one group But it's like one person But it's like a bunch of people So we're like all Mickey Mantle

Yeah and we like you go to Copenhagen and it could be any one of us. Nope, totally wrong. Could be all of us. And it would be equally happy with whomever they got. Yeah. That would be interesting.

What is it? Drill music is from Chicago. Yeah, that's right. It is, but UK drill is like the rap. Oh, UK drill, is that right? It's got more famous, right? I don't know about more famous. Get your shit together, Lee.

You're right. No, you're right. There is, yeah, UK drill. Yeah, I know. From Brixton. I know. South London. Whoa.

Guns of Brixton. I was trying to think about what I knew about that word. And it was that. Clothing company. Also, probably a hat that Sean would probably wear. Yeah, you got to beat me to it. Yeah, you go on and beat me to it. You're going to beat me to it.

Yeah, you're going to beat me too. You're going to be. Okay, that's really infectious. That's really fun to say. I'm cold as hell. I'm going on to introduce Sean Cougar Melon to my wife. What can I get for you? Go on give me a chicken burrito.

God damn, that'd be crazy. Gwan interested in those gold freight, you're at Warby Parker. Guan in the back. There's got to be a Warby Parker in Jamaica, right? Got to be a Warby Parker. Like, a guy named Warby Parker. Oh, I meant the glasses store. Yeah, there's got to be a Kingston location of Warby Parker.

I like thinking about all my favorite stores in Jamaica. You know what the Warby Parker in Jamaica's for? What? Your I and I. Man, that was quick. I'm going to go put the shirt back in the sink. Put the shirt back in the sink. I'll go put my shirt in the sink.

Please. My voice crack. Please watch my don't tell said. Please. Laura, please don't go. Please watch it. Please stay married to me. By don't tell set just came out.

By this point, it's well over 100,000 views. But go ahead and watch it anyways. It's well over 100 million. 100. Playboy, thank you. And then come see us in New Orleans, bro. In March. Oh, yeah.

I think I want to make that my bachelor party. We were talking about that. You said that last episode. Wait, in New Orleans trip? Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah.

That's awesome. I mean, I can't imagine a more fun time to do that. Yeah, it makes sense. So, yes. That's so much. A bunch of people are going to be there. It's going to be amazing. We're going to figure out a couple of little extra.

I don't think I would do anything that much different than I was already going to do. No, but we're going to have to figure out a couple pieces of flair to make it a little extra special. Oh, you guys are a carriage ride? We'll think about it. He didn't like that. What, carriage ride? I'll go on a carriage ride. Okay.

Well, no. My only hesitation was there should be a couple surprises. Maybe you don't know. Oh, like two carriages. Is that a bachelor party thing? Actually, no, I knew everything that was going to happen to my bachelor party. Do you like a surprise? Yes.

Yeah. It's fun just to hit him with a surprise. Ah! Okay. Did you know that you were going to drive a race car on your bachelor party? No, that was a surprise to my brother. I knew. I knew.

I knew. Quit bragging. Why don't tell that is out? Please. Right now it only has 65 views. That's not true. Please. New Orleans is going to.

to be so goddamn fun. Man. Here's the sad, well, I haven't been in interviews yet, so I'll shut up. No, you can do it. I'm only going to be there on Sunday night. You a piece of shit. You peak of shit.

You peak of shit. Why? I've got a weekend. I got a fucking weekend. Canckel it. I know. You got to work. I know.

I don't you can't make it. It's so hard to give me. Sounds like I'm going to be there until Monday now, so I'm pretty hyped. Yeah. I'll be there. Go on stay another day. Guan. Go on.

Laura, I'm going to be a conversation. It's going to be a big... It's going to be a delicate. A delicate dance. Did you stay an extra day today? This one, too? No, I stayed late. Oh, good.

In well into the afternoon on Mother's Day. I did. No, no, I mean, this trip that you're on right now, aren't you? Oh, yes, I did. I did. I am. Again, delicate conversation. Yes.

Delicott's wash. David Borg is here. He'll be in New Orleans. What else? Cool guy jokes. 37 on Instagram. Make sure you follow. When does this come out?

Next week. The 22nd. Oh, I'm doing Don't Tell in San Diego on January 30th. I got to get some dates. I don't know. No fucking days on my love. That's all right. March, New Orleans.

I don't go on. Oh, March of New Orleans. Be the, that's good. And then I'll probably, I'll try to go to. And we're going to tour. And we're going to tour. We keep saying that. We need to.

We are. We, I haven't been a part of those conversations. And I'm arguably the tallest one on the podcast. I'd say he's right. Right. You're arguing with the wrong people because I'm taller than you. I am, you're not taller.

We figured it out. You are not taller than me. You took one picture where he looked. You took one. Back to back right now. Right now, obviously right now. Grow up. She's off.

She's, yeah, she's fully off. Close, completely off. So it doesn't come. I've never been weighed naked before. Don't you put that tall little cap up.

Cheat and ass. Yeah. Oh. Wait. Can I stand up? Fuck. This is fucked up. Oh, no.

I think hair-wise. What? This is crazy. This changes everything. Is he on his tippy toes? No. Are you? But you're on your toes.

I'm on my tibet toes. Ian, you're on, Ian, balls of your feet, please. Sean. I think. Wait. What about now?

It's worse. Ian, I, I. I think Sean's taller than you. I think Sean's taller than you. Which is crazy because I seem taller. I don't want to. be that guy? You're taller than him.

You really got... I think you not only lost 200 pounds, I think you might have lost a couple centimeters. That's crazy. I really do. You seem like a taller. I don't know why that is. Is it because you were bigger for so much longer?

I think the vibe. I think the vibe is more important. Yeah. You have a taller vibe. I've always thought you were taller. That's really surprised me. I think I've gotten a bit shorter than me, which is when a lot of people don't know.

I'm kidding. Pete. What did I say in the group text? Peekaboo. What was the one thing I said, don't come in here and do? Don't come here and demand a height context. That's all I ask of you. Oh, my God.

Am I shorter than you? No, hell, no. You're definitely tall. Because you read tall, too. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, you read taller. I've most forgotten shorter. Because you weren't always taller than me.

I would have bet that you were like. three inches taller than me when we met. I swear. I slashed my whole life. In my head, you're like two and a yeah. I thought you were six four. I wonder if I'm six three. Maybe not anymore. I was at one boy. I will say you have a little more

of a quaff in your hair and I'm not sure how much of that was contributing to. No. See, no. It pops. It's like a full inch of hair and I have no hair. Yeah. You're lower hair-wise than I've seen you in a long time. Yeah, my lowest hair. No, I mean like like short. Look at the hair. Your hair's getting pretty low.

Let's have a conversation about this hair. I was like, this fucking, look at, this is how he's, this is what his hair was doing. He's got a bumping. Fucking Jersey Shore over here. Shh.

I almost called her Suki. No, that's cool. Check out my tall, gorgeous friend. I sat in front or behind Snucky at a goddamn UFC one time. No way. I thought you were going to say you sat behind Suki. I was way more anxiety. Watch my gorgeous tall friend, Sean's Don't Tell Set.

Thank you. Watch mine when it comes out too. Go see my gorgeous tall friend David Borese. Don't tell set in San Diego. We're all tall. Where other than just Sunday? Betrayal. It is kind of a big betrayal.

Where can you see our gorgeous tall friend, Laura Beak? I am going to be, you said the 22nd, right, Isaac? What you got over there? I'm eating another croissant. gorgeous looking. Double croissant. Double croissant. Double croissant Mondays.

If you guys aren't eating it, eating it. I do want to go out to eat after our third thing, though. I'm going to be hungry. Third. God, y'all are doing a lot today. This is our second. Okay. Hey, if this comes out on the 22nd, on the 23rd, I'm going to be in New York City at Union Hall.

Yes. Salabee. It's going good. So far, I'd love to sell it. It's a hundred cap room. Let's do it. And then the day after that, I'm doing one night in Toronto at the comedy bar. One night, Toronto makes the heart.

And right after that, I'm going to do a corporate in Orlando. Oh. For the magic? No, for it's like, it's like, they were like, come entertain these, uh, these, uh, grocery store executives. Oh, uh, how much money. I'm doing a corporate. Or grocery. Or, gosh.

Oh, that's actually, you know, I'm an idiot. In this economy, I should have gone grocery payment. Maybe a bulk skittles. Because I don't know about the whole grocery store, but you know where the prices are going up is that fucking deli counter boy that's i heard you talk about i listen to your podcast so lot we're talking 20 bucks all fair to everything check it out i'm laughing so hard check out all fan of it's really good you want dank meat you're getting 20 bucks for a pound of that shit damn it's 1899 for the boar's head black and turkey and then and then i'm in line at the thing

the wife get two pounds now i guess i'm only getting chicken thighs i'm not getting steaks anymore? Are you eating through those pounds? Are you, or is there, is it turning before you get through it? Brother, we finished the second pound yesterday. It lasted seven days. Wow. But it's between two of us. Yeah, that's all right. And she made a bunch of, she

did a bunch of breakfast sandwiches. Yeah. That she pre-made that actually looked pretty good. She did like this egg and then some of the turkey and then English muffin. Look at y'all. You're doing good meal prep. Yeah. Trying to stay up, but I was just eating sandwiches like, wow. Well, you're also

really into petrified turkey art these days, right? So you just kind of have it around the house. Yeah, you have to get really into petrified turkey art. He likes the sound amazing. I don't get it. You just do a lot of petrified turkey. It's the medium I feel like you've been working in the most lately. I knew it wasn't going to work when I started it.

I couldn't bail on me. I was actually a bad friend. Don't bail on me. I went absolutely not. I went kamikaze. Ian had your back. That was fucked up. Anyone who came to our show.

I don't understand what you're fucking talking about. Anyone who came to our show at the lyric Kiberian. that in the lobby, there was a lot of petrified turkey art that David had been doing. Yeah. Petrified turkey art. Yeah. Sorry, I dipped out of the bit for a second. Have you guys ever thought of, maybe this is too vulnerable?

You guys ever thought about learning how to draw? Oh my God. I was having a panic attack the other day. And Carson goes, you should learn how to paint or something. Wait, what? Oh, yeah. He just leaves. He doesn't help.

Learn how to paint. I'm getting out of here. He was like, you're freezing. Toss of oil paints at you. You see this? This is a painting. Calm down. He's got some pastels. Don't come up to you. You're numb. Okay. Okay. This is so, this is a little bit inside baseball and I'm sorry for that.

But I, somebody sent me a clip from our live pod that we did of chewing gum. Oh yeah. Yeah. In Denver. In Denver. So much fun. And you said the phrase, don't come up until your gum. And that's like a, it's like a stiff I have. It was so funny. And it went underappreciated. Like, I don't think we all heard it. Yeah, anyway. That way was a fever dream. Oh, it was really, really fun.

But yeah, I've been thinking about getting into visual art. I would like to learn how to draw. Yeah. Because everything, like, I think I've said it on this podcast before. I draw like I can't read. And I feel like that is to get that. I read like I can't draw. Weirdly, so do I.

Maxine asked me to draw a cat the other day, and it looked like the ultimate warrior when I got done with it. It was crazy. I was like, I go, What do you think this is? And she's like, it's a cat. The only thing that cat was whiskers and point of ears.

Everything else was Ultimate Warrior. Okay, yeah. What? Did it have big buff arms? Yes. What do you mean? The arms ended up being buffed because I don't know how to draw. So I just like started.

You went wide with it. Uh-huh. Okay. Big, big shoulders. Like a little cat had, a neck, which you don't really see on the cat too much. It was supposed to be a cat like sitting there. And it was like a, you know, like an inch long neck.

He drew the cat he wants to see in the world. Trying to manifest it. That's what they say draw the cat. You want to see in the cat. child doesn't know what you drew? She doesn't even say it's good. The biggest imagination she could possibly have is right now and she's like, I don't even know what about a loss?

Can tell you, brother. Did you flip it on her? Like, what is that thing? What do you do? That's fucking work. Why is there a son inside the house? The son is inside the house, idiot. It's also now what a zebra looks like.

So they're, idiot. What do you do to your kid is so funny. They give you any criticism. What do you do? Go see Peake do corporate in Orlando If you're in some sort of upper management tier To grocery stores You have access to Kroger

I assume there Is it Kroger? I don't know who it is I haven't signed a contract yet That's what I love Money's good You got to sometimes you got to go do it to assholes I know

Come see me all the nights In New Orleans Oh yeah I'm there all the nights too I'll be there every night Physically I'll be there I might bring some mushrooms. Get fucking loose. I mean, I assume that we would do a little bit of mushrooms on this trip.

That feels right. The colors in that town. Also, last time I was there was right off of Tokyo, and I was like, I'm wasting this New Orleans trip. Right, right. Because I really didn't do it. Well, you knew this next one was coming up. Yeah, and then fucking Sean Patton was in town, though.

So I had to have on night. If we take mushrooms in New Orleans, what if we see like a snake coming out of a trumpet when he plays it? That'd be tight. That'd be cool. That's good for us. That's a good thing. As long as we all stick together. Yeah, as long as we're tied together.

Then we make Sean tattoo it. What if we collectively hallucinate somebody named Mr. Jambalaya man? I come back with a tattoo. Of Mr. Jambalaya. Mr. Jambalaya man? Can Jambalaya fit across your knuckles? I don't know how many letters to do.

How many would you have to have on each letter? I'm going to have to get more knuckles. Jamba and Laya are two good knuckles. Yeah. You have to go thumb. Like if I just saw Jamba and Laya, I'd be like, that's a cool guy. You'd have to get one thumb knuckle involved. Which one?

Doesn't matter. Take your pick. I would just, you know what I would do? It's nine letters. J-A-M-B-F-Fuck. Yeah. I was, okay, J-A-M-B-A. I wanted, I want this one to say J-M-B-A and this one to just say L-Y-A.

Yeah. But that doesn't work either. Is that right? That's just eight. I don't know how to spell it. Spell it out loud. Apparently neither do I. J-A-M-B-A, L-A-Y-A.A.

nine letters. So many A's. I want this to say you can get away with I'm not a conversation for right now. There's a conversation for when we're blackout drunk

in New Orleans sitting in a tattoo chair, okay? You're going to be the only person they're like, just get out of here. I don't want to give you a tattoo. I don't want the money. Or I'm going to get one

and I have to come home and be like, spelled it wrong. She's going to be like, what's on your ass? I could fit it on my hands. All right, use my right butt cheek

for the last letter. I tell you, don't. I didn't want to embarrass you at the beach. Don't you worry now what I got a tattooed on my ass. I'm sorry to hear and finished it on my ass. It's just an A on the bag. It just said jamblers on your ass. You gotta have to get a few.

Oh, fuck. We should make somebody get a tattoo. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna call someone a jamba liar when I'm there. Yeah, you get their next. A jumbo liar. Yeah. You're jumbah lying to me, right?

I was trying to think of a food. Oh, you don't have cider at the bar? I could do for objection. Like a Southern court? Yeah. You are Jumbaliel. Yeah. And then I was going to say,

crumpjection. But the crump's not a food. It's a lifestyle. Ben, yay that as it may. Your client is still a jumballial. Save some for the rest of us here. It's tough for you to It's tough for you to face the facts

Please crocodile Deal your cry Dumb My client was that a shrimposium at the time It could all be restaurants I've been to court a bunch of times I've eaten so much food And I got nothing

I got no things I've been to court a lot too I've been to court in jeans That's how many times I've been to court Have you ever attended a shrimp posium? No I've been to court before work I got a breathalizer at court one time

Oh my God It's because he was I walked in and the guy's like He goes drunk I go I was drunk I was probably 23 I was drunk Yesterday you know a few hours ago

Whatever and he's like I'm gonna give you a breathalizer And I was like 0.06 or something. And he goes, I'm telling the judge. I go, you're, you're. It was so weak. If I can tell the judge, you can't get mad at me. It was so weak.

You hurt my et tu feelings? My heto feelings. Yeah. Man. Not really, not really something that will hold up in court. Et tu face to face. I'm an officer of the lawfish. Yeah.

That one wasn't that good. It wasn't great. I fought the crawl and the crawl won. You are my mother fuck! I just want to live out love. What if I want? Where is this? You broke him.

If I disappear for a couple hours in New Orleans and I come back all greasy-faced with like carapaces on my shirt, they're like, Ian, where have you been? I'm like, gentlemen, I fought the crawl in the crawl room. I quit the podcast. This is my last episode. They're going to replace me with Keenan Thompson. In my opinion, my only

comedic people. I'm afraid I will be quite unavailable for the podcast tonight. It seems I have fought the craw. And I regret to inform you that the craw wants. Now you're above the cry.

The grand full custody to the crawled. You are not the crawler. Did that work? Yeah. Did that one work? all the

Oh, we do go on. I'm thinking about a crawfish on. You are not the crop and he just gets up. I told you that baby's a lobster. He's like, look at him. We have a muffled

fun on this podcast, but it's going to move on. Geez and rice. I'm going to move for let a let a... Let's move along. Let's move along. Move along. I'm an officer of the craw. Move it along.

We're going to move along. My brain is betraying me. I'm trying... Where was all this on the globe? I'm trying to show horned crawfish jokes into the globe. We got glowing reviews. Glowing reviews. No, I wasn't saying that you didn't.

I'm saying I didn't watch you yet. And now I'm not going to... Dickhead. I was calling Laura Dickett. I was looking at here. I'm not going to watch it either. Dickhead. He gets out of the food world but still New Orleans.

It's flannery. We'll get you everywhere. Holy cow. Now let's go Southern girls. Books. You have to move it along or you enjoying your croissant? I'm really enjoying my croissant. And I love you to her.

And I love you to learn. And I love you to love you. And also we have one more recording today. Oh my God, you're right. Wham! Also, we have to go out to eat after this. I'm going to be so hungry. Time to determine the order of the draft,

which we do through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Split between the three of you and we throw on shoot. All right, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, peak wins. A natural victory of rock against two scissors. Natural.

Laura, as the winner, does it come upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. What is that? It's a great question. It's like snake on your Nokia. Nice. That's a throwback for sure. That's classic.

You've done that one before? It's possible. You have. We're going on 480 of them. That's great. But I'm going to bring fresh takes to every episode. Like jazz and... I don't.

Judaism. And the tenets of Judaism. It's like a crawfish looking for food. Looking for plankton at the bottom of the ocean floor? I don't think I don't think they eat plankton but I think that's great. Yeah.

And I thought the snake one was good. You know what they will eat is chicken if you put it in the trap. I think they eat like, they'll eat like, if you put a piece of chicken in a crawfish. That's what you're doing with all that turkey

trying to get crawfish. That's what you're doing. Get after it. It's not just peddle by turkey arts. Yeah. I've caught crawfish a bunch of times. Carson's place, his parents' place, they have so many.

And the way they just freeze and look at but they're still damn slippery. Yeah. Bars he can get them real quick. Yeah. We would do them in the, in the Columbia River. My dad lived on a floating home.

We'd throw the cages off. Damn, that's cool. Is that like, is that to make it sound better than houseboat? Well, there's a difference because houseboat, to me, calls the image, like, you could, like,

it has a motor and you could keep moving on it. These were literally just, like, homes that floated. So it didn't go, you couldn't, he couldn't take it. They don't move anywhere. They don't know, like barges, you know, or like a boat that would, like,

yeah. Or, like, me swimming really fast. Or Sean's really fast. How many bedrooms was it? Seven. He had a studio Floating Home It was one of those open

That's a pontoon It's like having A waterbed in your floating home It was like a full house There's a fireplace in it Yeah But it was totally full of air Yeah

I am imagining a blowout house You can't set a fire on your In your bouncy house He had a guitar in there Man The more I hear I'm always like I got to really pull Ivan aside and ask some questions one of these days.

You'd have a great time. Yeah, I got a lot. Ivan rules. Shout it to Ivan. Shout to Laura Peek. Who gets to determine the order of this podcast, Crawfish style. I've got one that I have to spit out immediately, so I'm going first. Hell yeah. And then we'll go, David. Okay.

Sean Ian. What is this podcast? Pop Culture? Nope. Laura. I'm kidding. I'm like, this is all fantasy. Everything. Sean, Ian.

What podcast is this? This is the splendid table. Oh, sorry. I'm just. I've never been alone. We're all really drunk. I don't know. We're drafting things you do by yourself,

aka things you do alone. The order is Laura David, Sean, Ian Hot Corner. We're going to get to Laura's first pick right after this short break. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, it is a new year, 2006, and a lot of people,

you know, they put a lot of, I'll speak for myself, put a lot of emphasis on, you know, something they're going to do this new year. It's not a resolution or anything like that, but something they might do, you might call it a resolution. Mine was, I was going to read a chapter a day, the chapter out of a book every single day. And I haven't done that, but I have finished a book. So the point to what I'm saying is, with a new year, it could be full of possibility, but it also be full of pressure, undue pressure that you put on yourself for no reason. And a lot of

people do that with their resolutions. You don't have to do that. All you should be focusing on, And I hate to tell you what to do. But just be the best version of you that you can try to be. And if you need help with that, talk to a therapist. That's the whole point of all this. That's where Better Help comes into play because you don't need to take any of those burdens on yourself. Something I would do and that I have done is say, oh man, I have to come to terms of the

fact that I didn't do exactly what I said I was going to do at the beginning of the year. And that's fine. It's absolutely fine. I'm happy. And that is what Better Help wants to facilitate is you being happy. And if you're looking at therapy, they're just so, so good at it. They're working with a very strict code of conduct. You know, they're fully licensed in the U.S.

And the therapist commitment is something, like the match, they want to have work for you as much as you want to have it work for you. If the initial matching doesn't work, you can, at any time, if it's not, you know, hitting your goals or whatever, you can just, you can switch up. Get a new therapist. Anytime you want, no questions, no fees. none of that. Because again, they want you to see the benefit of therapy. And to hop on, to find your initial therapist, short questionnaire, you're going to help identify all

your needs, anything you're looking for. And they got over 12 years of experience and, you know, industry leading, just matchmaking abilities. So get on there and give it a try. They got 30,000 therapists. They've got to be doing something right. They're one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works. You know, an average rating 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. So there's something happen in there. Do yourself a favor. Hop on. Get in there. Get your hands dirty. Talk about some things. See what happens. You know, take a load off your shoulders. And if you don't like it, you don't like it. If you do, great. Now you have something else positive in this new year, 2026. Better help makes it easy

to get matched online with a qualified therapist, sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash all fantasy. That's betterhelp.com slash all fantasy. This episode of all fantasy, everything, the podcast you were listening to in love. Thank you so much. It's brought to you by Babel. Now, I don't want to speak for everybody blanket statement, but I'll speak for myself, why do I want to learn a new language so I can communicate in the country or anywhere where they speak that language? I want to be able to get around. I don't just want to, kind of know it. I want to know it in a real actual way that it's going to help. Help me move around wherever I'm at. Babbel gets you there extremely fast. Learning a new language is very daunting, obviously.

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here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babble.com forward slash all fantasy. Get up to 55% off at babble.com forward slash all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-B-B-E-L. com forward slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed, that it ever will exist. Lord's time for your first book. Should we get stakes after this?

That sounds so good. I got a lot of hope. Okay. I want like a kind of bad one, though. Like outbag. Grissel. Cisler is a little too bad. Cisler is a little too bad.

Last time I went to Cisler, that Cisler in Ktown, I was like, this is not as much fun. Going to a sizzler in Ktown is, you should be arrested. It's the only sizzler I know. It's a Cisler in that Waterville. I'm so disappointed in you. Is there a Cisler now? Flatwater Village. Right by that, right by the Roos.

Anyway. Somebody was telling me they saw Cloos Gau, director of Hammondet at the Root. wrist. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. Don't spot. I've never, I don't know the story, but I just bought the book and I'm excited to pick

it up. It's devastating. It's depressing, it seems. Well, but good. But very good. That's what I've been looking forward to. We're a book's podcast. This is.

Okay. So we're drafting books. I can't stop reading. One. Sean reads now. Bible. Oh, yes. Okay.

I've heard about this. He said he read 10 chapters. I'm in 10 chapters in. That's pretty. That's what we're saying. Before this, we only thought the only, before this, we thought the only chapter 11th. Chapter 11 Sean would be in was bankrupting.

Somehow you got that. He did. He got there really. It was kind of faster than I thought. Yeah. Because when you started it, I didn't get it. Yeah. I got out there. I'm squeezing your hand a lot harder than you're squeezing mine.

What do you think that's about? What do you think that's? I'm like really holding on. He is just delicate. The taller man squeezes harder. I've always said that. I love my life behind me. That's a good book.

The taller man. One squeezing harder. I got on my knuckles and then the rest of it on my hair. I'm going to do, this is, okay, I feel like there are so many categories of things you do when you're alone. Can I talk about this for a moment? Yeah. Because we're all comics. There's home alone.

There's the home I share with my partner along. And then there's road alone. Oh, speak on it. Very different. Hotel rooms go nuts. Peek on it. Peek on it. She's peeking to truth.

Showing some of my tents. Peek on it. Okay. I had a dream that I got banned. from the comedy store for flashing someone last night I just popped into my mind I was really bombing and I was like What about this?

How these? Funny? What about this? I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about it. How do I get this back? How can I win anybody over at a woman? Or completely lose. Yeah.

What about that? Mitzie Shore was still alive and a woman stood up in the back of the room and went to tell Mitsy Shore and she banned from the club. Mitsy, Mitsy. Okay. You go.

You got to get better dreams. I'm so, like, I could do anything. You know what I mean? I could go to the bottom of the ocean. I'm getting banned from a club. Okay. We got to get you loose. I think I need to be mitigated.

Bottom of the ocean is your ideal dreams? I was going to skip over. You got a water fish on the brain. Y'all don't want to go. I don't want to go. I mean, I want to go safe. I think people live at the bottom of the ocean. I worry that the pressure would crush me.

I do. I think there's people down there. There's a bottom of the ocean that's three inches deep. That's true. Damn. Isaac, did you hear that? I did. That was the deepest thing

I was right a poem about that, dude. Or the most shallow. Okay. The last poem I wrote actually was about Atwater Village. You what, as a matter of fact. The last poem I wrote was about probably learning how to poop by myself. It's been a long time since I've written poetry. Six, seven years ago.

He was wearing that same shirt. Is your poem about Atwater Village about the front yard, Reno I did? It could be. I have to fit to your house since you did the front. front yard yet red-o. It's a really good Renaud. You even thought

they were going to put out of front yard Reno. Reno. I asked for, I asked for, I, you got to be, like, very clear about what letters you capitalize.

Because I wanted the biggest little backyard in the world. That's not what I got. I'm happy. I'm happy with it, but it's not what I had mine. You just come out, you're smoking a cigar.

This doesn't look like Reno. You're fired. Where's circus, circus? It's just a fucking yard. The biggest. Eight slot machines in his front of his backyard. I already had a yard.

What am I paying you for? Okay, God, I'm sorry. I don't know how that. Okay, yes. So very different types of alone. There's really happy ones. There's really sad ones. My saddest, and it's what I'm taking first, is out loud, fake arguments with people that don't even know I'm mad at them.

Yeah. You do you out loud? That's like, I'm out loud. That's like in the hotel night two. It's like in the hotel. Thursday and Friday shows do so good. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. 200 cap room. We got 30 people in there. They weren't even really happy about it. I'm fighting with somebody. Two nights at takeout you haven't thrown away in the room? You're really not looking forward to Saturday?

No. Normally wouldn't be. But now you're like, well, they all sucked already. Yes. Why would this be good? The happiest part about Friday being over is that you know you don't have to talk to anybody until first shows that. I'm not like, like, even if you have somebody opening for you, I'm like, I love you very much. Let's have a good time after.

for the shows, but we're not going to lunch. I'm sad. We have to be strangers, at least for a day of this. I need to be alone. You go swim. Also, alone hotel room where you don't have like an eating and crying bed and a sleeping bed, single bed, where I'm eating orange chicken in the place that I'm later going to go to sleep. The single bed is a

nightmare. It's so bad. Give me a two quees. A desk facing a wall. I'll set up at the desk. Yeah. Because I'll get sauce on the sheets and that's a bummer. Yeah, you will. Why am I beating off All I'm eating You know One bed for people

One bed for meeting That's my beating bed That's my eating bed This is my horned This is my beat off I mixed them up Breaking and entering Pretty good hotel

For beating and eating I'll tell you that An Airbnb Sean went to prison on a B&E Actually What do you do He broke it He jacked off

And ate all our food You jacked off In a series show room You saw a bed Me blocked out Oh Oh no Yeah so I'm doing

I'm doing I'll get a little grievance in my head Sometimes if it goes the opposite way I'll be happy and I'll say nice things to myself But I talk out loud to myself Are you guys talking out of all to yourself? Yeah alone yeah If you're alone

Okay I don't I don't at all I wonder what that Isaac do you? Oh absolutely I wonder what that is I wonder what the difference in our chemistries are

Poet souls, analytical science guys. Lawyers, really. Lawyers, when you come down, when you come right down. I write everything. You know what I've moved it to? Now that I have pets, I pretend like I'm talking to the pets. But it's really good talking to me. I was thinking about that how different this list would be if I had little animals in my house or a child.

You know what I mean? I do bits with the pet. I'll walk by the cat all the time. I'm like, tough day, huh? Yeah, adorable. So fun. I love it. And then you're being a funny guy to something else.

I'm screaming out of naked in my home. Okay. So yeah, I'll pick on a little something that I had a disagreement with someone recently. I've, of course, since thought of the right thing to say many hours to days, two weeks, to years later. And I am finishing that conversation out loud. Do you do their end? Yeah, and I often lose. Oh, that's crazy. You should make them dumb.

I know. I can't I. Because I think I'm the dumbest person who's ever lived. Carson once told me, and it's the exact way I feel he goes, I know I'm truly depressed if I'm losing the arguments I'm having inside. in my head and that does happen shit I you know how when people put stuff to words that you wish they hadn't yeah yeah yeah yeah like when you

put a feeling to a thing that I only felt in my heart that's what you do tell your husband he ruined my fucking life he just fucked me up just come to keep it to himself shut your damn husband up

okay so or I will out loud fake arguments with people who don't even know you're mad at how often do you come upon a grievance I'm not the most aggrieved woman alive I have more self-hatred than any external hatred obviously

That's why you're so funny I think if I lost it I wouldn't I wouldn't feel the urge to try to be as funny It's my biggest fear Yeah I would say I'll pick at these Like it has to be fresh It has to be somebody having

Some righteous thing that I'm pissed off about Like career wise Yeah Yeah where I'm like that was really unjust and I hate the way that happened. I'll have these in my head a lot. Yeah. A lot of like where I'm just like yelling at my manager

for not putting me up for a show in my head. You know what I'm like? So that person got the job? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And we didn't even try to help me with this? Yes, 100%. Often it'll be like when I wake up at 2 a.m. And they can't fall back asleep.

And I'm like, why is my brain going through this now? You know the one thing I need to do is sleep this off. Like, I don't need to be this mad right now. Why aren't you allowing me to just shut up and go to bed? And I went on the morning and I'm like, that's fine. That's fine. Yeah. Exactly.

Maybe that's what it is, maybe you're processing. I guess so, and you have to do it in the middle of the night. David, time for your first pick. Be naked. Be naked. On all of our list, I assume. That one is, like, at my best and worst. That's what I'm doing alone.

It's true. At my highest and my lowest, I'm naked. Yeah. Alone. Very seldom naked. I've said it before. Yeah, I'm not a big naked guy. It's the naked couch.

We've talked about the, yeah, naked couch. Before you're on leather. Big couch. Versions. That's where we're on. Damn. Whatever, dude. They're the only ones who have procreated.

We don't give a shit. We had all the crawfish jokes over on this couch, both of us. We are brother-fathers? Men? I go to war every day. I go to war beside my brother-father. Will you go to war with me, brother? I will.

I get Gaelic when I ask him. I get Gaelic with it. God damn heated rivalry over here. Come on. You get it now. I get it now. I'm right, I do. Do you just learn?

I just learned a couple hours ago what that is. Oh, man. But yeah. Naked. Being crazy. It's weird because sometimes it's like you feel so great and free and then good to be in your body. But sometimes you're like, I'm just in here naked. Yeah, dude.

I'm just in here being nasty. Yeah. This is fucked. Home and not home. Yeah. Yeah. Road naked dirty. Road naked, so dirty.

Put some underwear on. You're going to sleep in that bed. I'm naked a lot in the road hotels. Now that I think about it lately, I'm naked. You take seven baths. I like being held in. Yeah, I take. I like some compression, a little bit of a hug.

In a, what do they call these? A shirt? A shirt. $0.50 tank top? Yeah. No, that's a higher cut. A nice low-crued best. It changed it.

They changed it from Whitebeater to 50. The thing we don't call people, yeah, the wife, be it. Why I try to tell me people are trying to reclaim wife pleaser? And I'm like, no, that's not what that is. That's not ever what it will be called. This is not with that. Quite frankly, a man who does that often isn't also the guy who wears that outside. Exactly.

They throw on a gold chain and then comes up to me. You ever see a guy in one of those in the parking lot and you're like, that guy eats pussy. Yeah. I lost to go down on his wife. Yes. I love it. That guy that my feet on big basketball

shorts loves to eat as why out. That guy loves eating Gucci. He was mad they didn't have it at the store. That's actually

what he went to the store to buy. Oh my God. He calls a gay. He gives a gay to eat your wife's supposed to. The least gay thing about you do.

You sit on your couch naked and stuff? You're just like, what are you? Yeah. Yeah. I get naked in the hotel bed.

I'll sleep naked hotel. I won't do anything on the furniture naked in a hotel. Yeah. That I think it's a good thing. Although people have done everything and anything in those beds. It's all been. I get it. It's all been. It's all been. It's also when people are always like, I'm always like, what are you

what do you think? You can't think about it. If you go down that road. I won't sit on the hotel cuck chair. What's going to happen? What do you think you're going to get pregnant? What are you shut up? You're in the bathroom and the bed. Don't you go? Don't you shower yourself? I don't know. The like hyperclus. I'm like. Everything has been I don't. I think it's like just an easy way to put, I truly believe it's like an easy way for people to feel like

they put themselves above the... These people want their white blood cells. You're dirty, because dirty is like always the first thing that they like other people with. Yeah. I think these people want their white blood cells to skip training camp and then they're surprised to get blown out week one, week two. Full contact. Jesus Christ. Full contact.

You're such a good writer. What do you mean are we going to go no-pad? I'm being very serious. That's kind of like I was being sarcastic. You're such a good writer. That was a really sore thing to say. I'm like put him through the paces Yeah Dude we got to test them Fucking helmets and shoulder pads

Yeah What's the longest You think you've ever been naked Within the past six months That's fun Whoa that's crazy Non-sexual Non-sexual

Much longer than sexual Maybe there might have been A nice slatter She needs to be put my pants on Right away Pants is even crazy Not underwear Not underwear

Shoulder Okay now put your pants on Sean fucks in an eyes on Or he doesn't fuck. My penis out of the pajama pants. Big rugby shirt, though. Throw on your rugby, it's time to make love. Oh, my God.

Time to get in the scrum. That's what he calls. Probably like non-sleeping. Yeah, non-sleeping just full naked. God. An hour maybe? Like, maybe in a hotel bed? An hour?

Like, yeah. I can't. I let. We got to get you to the bathhouse. Yeah, maybe. I just don't love me. naked. That's fair. That's closer to sexual than non, though. Yeah.

The backhouse? Closer to sexual than non-sexual. You should see these dudes. I know, I'm kidding. Well, I will say this does suck. I did get self-conscious when we went to Wee Spa though. In L.A. it seems like they all be shredded. First guy I see getting out of the pool swinging hog. I was like, this is fucked. It was swinging soft.

If you got a big swinging hog, I bet you're spending time. You're like, I gotta show this to somebody. I'll tell you, it was actually swangin. Yeah. That is crazy. It was nuts. Like Dr. Manhattan? Like swinging soft so hard it had a hook.

Whoa. Whoa. Yeah, it was fucked. Like a Nate dog. Shit looked like a Gomerang. Probar. It's a Nate dog song. Yeah, he was using it to get into boxes.

What? That's what I've said. So at We spa, I will see. you see some women that it's, I mean, actually most women are, I'm gay, but like, most of the people are like unbelievable looking obviously. You see someone where you're just like, it doesn't, in that environment, it's like the one time that I'm like, yeah, I don't feel bad in any way about anything that's wrong with me. That's so cool. It's so cool that we're not even like clocking each other being this nude. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I went to a, I've been, I've said it a lot of

times. I went to a bathhouse in Japan and then a month later I went to Wee Spa. I got to the Japanese are a lot more chill about it. It felt like a lot less... Of a thing. Yeah, like in Wespa, you kind of felt like it was a little bit of a thing there, but like in Japan it was really not a thing. What was the ethnic makeup of the people in Wee Spa?

Was it just kind of diverse? Pretty diverse. There's a lot of Eastern Europeans in there. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a bathing culture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a Russian woman just like, with one of those things, just like...

It's so intense. Just going to layer off. Does he ever do it? Please stop. Oksana, knock it up. It's not that much dead skin. I'll say this. More like Weiner's spa.

You're such a good writer. I will say, you know what? Sucked about WeeSpa, it was too many, it was like a lot of groups. And I was by myself. That's kind of hard. That is, you got to, it is good to go with like a buddy. I found a buddy. down there, but he was just getting done with the naked part.

Shout it to Steve Fine Nards. Oh, I thought you were like, I made a friend. And I was like, was it the big guy? I'm not that. I'm not back. Fine Nards. I'm not back. Fine Nards.

I'm not bad. Even better. Sir. So, here's what we came up with over here. David Bore. I think we just go with the final draft. Okay. Steve Fine Nards.

Okay. He was naked. Oh, yeah. We were working. We were going, I thought that he was saying he made a friend down there. And I was like, was it the guy with the big hog. Tell me your seat. secret. No, he was leaving. I'm ready to learn.

He wasn't coming. He saw me see him and then he got out of there. He said, I have some pussy to get. If you'll pardon me. Now, the crazy, I don't even know where it's at yet, but it's out there. You know the funniest part? We were there at night. My friend crank called, I can say, Sam Talent crank called me.

Yeah. And I was like, I have to go. I'm in a, I'm in a Korean spa. And then never explained it to him. You prank answered, you prank answered him. Yeah. But he was a bad prank He was trying to be an Indian guy And it didn't go long Did it say Sam Talent when you answered the phone?

No, he did it good Because we've been prank We used to prank people when we were kids all the time How do you hide you? That's so cute that he's doing that to do that. Yeah, but he blew it. I got it pretty quick this one. I like to think when the dude with the big dick leaves

He spins it around like Thor's hammer And then just like let it go in one direction And he flies off behind it I'll tell you what, they had to refo They had to refill the tub John Jordan Get out and it's like Go

Time for your first pick I pick my nose And I'll also blow my nose Anywhere on the ground If I'm in a hotel I'll blow my nose on the carpet Oh my god It's not rocket

Isn't that crazy? What's on? Why not into the toilet or something? Yo, my man's going crazy I'll rub it in with my feet to the carpet Brother that is psychotic Just do it sometimes.

Wait, you're walking on it for the rest of the time. I rub it in. They don't clean that carpet at all. You think they're bringing like a fucking rug doctor in there at me? Dude, that is. There's worse stuff on the carpet. You're what people are worried about. This is pick number one.

There's equally bad stuff in the carpet. I was just going to say pick my nose, but that wasn't salacious enough. So I had to be honest. I pick my nose a lot. Sure. I do it around everyone. Isaac is so upset. Yeah, I mean,

we got to get ice camps. I almost guarantee I haven't used this word on the podcast before. I'm going to use it right now. This is disquieting news. This is. It's unsettling. It's not exclusively, but I will do it. Exclusively, what do you mean?

Like, that's not the only thing you do? You don't walk into your hotel room. All right, time to go sleep in the gutter. If there's Kleenex right there, I'll be, but like I will. I have no problem. I'll just like, it's not rocking before. I'll do it in my hand. I'll wipe it on the towel, but I get really nasty with what's in my nose in the room.

I would like to point out that this room is carpeted and I'm certain that he's been in here. You guys are all here. I wouldn't dare do that in front of you. I do. First of all, thank you for your honesty. Yeah, I'm comfortable. I do love.

I wasn't going to say that. I do love because I feel a similar way when that hotel door shuts, you become an animal. Oh, yeah. That's true. That's how I all feel. No, it is true. I do that with poop.

You're rubbing into the carpet. I just poop. That rubs in a lot harder. Wherever there's poop. Here you go. Have you ever accidentally pooped a little bit in the shower and tried to squeeze it? Yes, of course. Not as an adult.

I have many times. That shit is wild. It's not good. But it'll go. The last thing I want to do is get out of the shower and be like, hey, I accidentally pooped and it can't go down the train. Can I have one request? Don't make this the breakout because I want to stay married. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't be admitting that. Yeah, I will. yeah, yep. That is, I mean, again, you're right. Of interest. Can I say that one thing? I had never, a lot of times you get, I feel like women aren't taught the way that men are how to shoot shit out of your nose.

Farmer blow, we call it. It's not rocketing. And the other day I was on a hike and I was like, this is so fucking unfair that I just feel this like wad in my nose and it's like distracting me from my hike. Yeah. And I went for it. What a, it's amazing.

What a fabulous. It's like coming. I, I was just, I was so, I was. It was like, I'm still like dealing with the aftermath of it, but I was like pretty sick like a week ago. Yeah. I still them all flummy. But there was like a time in the shower when I was like, it just like kept coming as I was like blowing it out of my. And it was just like this feels.

You feel your sinus. You feel your fall up by your eye. Especially in the shower, like dislodging in the moisture. Oh, it's so good. You do got to make sure you have the juice though. You ever had to try to snot rocket and you didn't have enough? Oh yeah. And it just kind of like, boo.

Like on your chin or something. And then you just rub it into the carpet. Yeah. Yeah. But you got to find some. Get out of the shower, dry off, and run over to the carpet. That was a close. Who that was close?

She almost went in the drain. Yo, that is crazy, shot. That is really crazy. But I commend you, you know what? It's giving me license to be a little grosser than I was going to be on this. Yeah, I got to switch it up. Stop doing that. I'll tell you whatever you want to hear.

Whatever you need to hear. Don't lay on the, that's one thing. I don't know if I've ever done as laid on the floor. No, no, no, I have. stayed on plenty of floors in the hotel. I have. Not by yourself, though. No, no, but like in room, we've all, yeah.

You know what? I have in the past, and I generally try to make a point of showering immediately after, but I've worked out on the floor of hotel rooms. Yeah. And I am never going to do that again. There is something, if anything other than my feet touches the floor, I get bummed out. I didn't have a gym? I think I just didn't want to be in it.

Hotel gym is weird. It's weird. Very unqualified. holidays. I've stayed at some that are like phenomenal. They're really nice hotels. I had one recently, this guy kind of fucked me over. He was like supposed to provide me with the hotel and he did for one night. And then I was like, okay,

well then obviously it's for two nights. And he's like, no, it's not. So I'm paying like 300 bucks to stay in a very nice hotel the second night, whatever was stupid. But that gym was like, I mean, just full basketball court, full volleyball court. Every machine you can pot. I spent like five hours in a sauna. Was this the Y? No. Did he put you up at the Y?

Are you talking about the Y? Did he make you sleep Look at the Y-100 dollars? M-C-A. The Y-W-C-A. It was a DV shelter. I just farted it so much. I didn't want you guys as well.

I just parted so much. I've done it where it gets forced out. It's not your fault. Oh, my God. I wish DV shelter wasn't what David is. Snot rocking on the floor Time for my first pick

I'm gonna take Weird little voices Yep cute Fun Yeah that's good Sometimes cute Sometimes fun Sometimes just weird

You ever get like Sometimes driving alone This all happen Like I'll turn off the radio But you're just like I'll be like I remember repeating the word Coyote to myself

Coyote Coyote I like got addicted to saying It's fun I drove for like 30 minutes just saying that to myself. Dude, that's fantastic. Yeah.

Or you'll just like try out. I'm not going to do it right now because this is something you do alone, but just like try out a weird little voice. Oh, yeah. And just walk around talking in it. Ooh, this relates to so many. Yeah. Or like an accent from a different country.

Yeah. Absolutely. Like he just did Native American. That I will. Yeah. Maybe take that. Yes. No.

That stays in. It wasn't. When I was doing it, it was. I was. It wasn't like I'm doing a American Indian voice. I was like, I'm just saying coyote in that like coyote. Like in that cadence. Sometimes it just feels good to talk.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just felt it's like it's fun to say that word and that like in that combination of syllables. Well, especially. It feels good to talk without other people having to have anything to do with it. Yeah. No input. Yeah.

And if you're not like a truly talk out loud. Did you say that right? You're not having like full conversations. I don't have conversations with myself. I just get weird. Yeah, that's so much more fun. Yeah.

You're like, this is my free time. I'm gonna, I'm gonna mess around a little bit. My conversations, I don't even have conversations in my head. I don't really have much of it.

I don't have an internal monologue. I was just gonna ask, do you guys have, because it's, kind of sucks. Hey, I hate it so much. It's ruining my life.

It feels like it gets in the way of me being better at thinking. What, your internal monologue? Yeah, that's how I feel about it. When you're alone, what does that feel like?

Like when I'm alone, I don't know. Fucking a nightmare. It's really bad. It's a goddamn nightmare. It's really, really bad. Is it running? I'm thinking your whole sentences constantly. Really?

Yes. No, absolutely nonstop. Absolutely non-stop. Maybe I do. I don't know. And then I find myself thinking about thinking, but thinking in the monologue. Yes. So then I get like confused isn't the word, but it gets to this point where I can barely quantify what's going on.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's just like a tornado. It's like, it's really like. It's really like... It's scary. It's really like really young. Weed was the first thing I ever found that slowed it down in a way that made me not feel like I was standing on a cliff all the time.

Uh-huh. But does weed still help now? No. Yeah. It doesn't help me anymore. It makes it worse. Yeah. Now it really spins it off in the other way.

Sometimes it feels good. This is adjacent. But can I ask, so when you guys are texting, do you think of each letter as you're doing it or do you think of the word as a whole or the sentence as a whole? I don't even think I think of each letter as I'm doing it. Same thing with writing. No, I do not think of the letter. I assume I think of the word. I think of the word.

Or maybe I think of the sentiment and then. And then just let it go. I don't know. But certainly not letters. I think I think of it out. Sentence. Yeah. So if you're texting, hey, what's up?

You're like H-E-Y, W-H-A-T-S. Oh. Space. And I only use one finger too. But it's also hard for me to be funny on text. Text I think is the hardest. Did you guys blow me out of the water on the... I get embarrassed in our group thread because I'm so unfun funny in it.

I sit there and... We've talked about this. I sit there and try to think up funny shit while you guys are riffing and I'm like, you lose her. I do it all the time. And then I say someone, I'm like, that wasn't funny at all. That was stupid. Sean shimes in for the first time for 30 minutes. That's sad.

That wasn't funny. That was stupid. And I just go out, I'm like, hey, Laura, does me being ugly have anything to do with this conversation? You know who will come down? And she's like, yes. What is Laura? Go stand outside in the rain. What does Laura think when she peers into candy?

She don't get candy coated. She don't get candy coated. She doesn't get in candy coated. Isaac shot one from downtown the other day that really murdered. What was that? Oh, Po-boy boy boy toy. Po-boy boy toy. Oh, boy-toy.

That's right. We were calling ourselves when we were in New Orleans. Oh, that's like that. It was like what Harper was going to be. That's right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Et tufei.

No, the first one you did was so good, too. What was the first one? Jambalaya mistress. That's, I really liked that one. Jambiama. Etoufay Bay. Ettufe Bay was good. And then you had one and then...

If you sign up for the Patreon at the $10,000 mark, you can join our group threat. You can't? I'd rather there's some stuff I'd rather not out. You got signed some stuff. There's no way to do it, but that's a fun Patreon. No, it's not. If you reach the $10,000, you're going to do it as fun. You got to be willing to have a device implanted behind your ear that we can make explode.

Oh, my. I don't want to put a little thing in the vacuum. You also have to be with cyanide. You also have to be willing to be a device. willing to see us not as podcasters, but at people at work sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think that would be fun for you or us.

Do you think there's anybody eccentric enough with enough money who is a fan of this podcast who would do that? Is there like one person who was like, I'd put down 10K one time? Every now and again, we'll get like a lawyer or a doctor that hits up the DMs. I bet. I bet you do. That's crazy. Almost exclusively we're listening to by lawyers and doctors and other learned-adman.

Oh, my God. Welcome, Esquires. Bernard men. Somebody today sent us a DM where they said that our relationship is the best relationship between three women that... What was it? I've been reading that one. It was something like that.

Sean, he was mocking you. These guys have the best relationship between three women that I've ever heard or something. It was something like that. I could probably find it. Find it.

I don't remember this. Can I respond? You did respond. As your father, I really agree with that. I like it. I'll take it. That's the nice thing.

You're on pod father. I'm your fraud daddy. I'm your crawdaddy. I've never heard. a more authentic female friendship than I have between these three boys. Fucking funny. Whoever said that is so funny.

Shout out to Megan Balagier on Instagram. Did she explain it? Does she unpack that at all? No, no, not Megan. It's Mandy York. Sorry. Mandy York.

I understand exactly what she means. What does she mean? I understand exactly what you. There was so. Three, it's pretty securely attached, emotionally intelligent men. Yeah. Who are not really, uh, not too, about us.

I have all three. I'm all three. You have like a lovely relationship that's like, you know, riff heavy and ribbing each other heavy, but very, very secure. And you can tell how much you love each other. It feels very fat. You guys have feminine energy. Oh, thank you. That's the nicest way anybody's ever said that to me.

They said it a lot different in high school. Because people have said it a bunch of times. A lot of coaches have insinuated it. They told me not to play like one of those. Yeah. A lot of dudes on buses. I tackle like one. The common underneath and it's just good.

Like, oh, okay, I understand that. I tackle like one. That's the most feminine offensive line I've ever seen. No, it's good. I know exactly what she means and you should be proud of yourself. That might be something I repeat to myself. Oh, yeah, funny little voice on that one. Feminine energy.

Feminine energy. Feminine energy. Feminine energy. It's a feminine energy. sound like Eminem. Eminem Energy. Pist Pistofferson. Remember when Eminem said that?

You've heard of Chris Christofferson? Well, I'm pissed, pissed, Pistopherson. That's genius. That's just a brilliant thing of a person. I thought that was the other thing you do when you're alone. Pissed Pist operon? Yeah. That was stupid.

You do anything like pissed all over the floor in the hotel when you get there? Rub it in. Just rub it in. No, that's poop and pooppoostoff. Poop poop stoperson. Pee poopooperson. poop off. I have no puns today.

I'm trying to try. Here's one. I'm not feeling 100% on top of my game either. That's really hard for me. I think everyone's hitting on all cylinders. All right. Good to know. There's some things you do.

There's some naked things that you do with other people that are like wonderful. Like you're being naked in general with other people. Here's something that I think like when you're naked you do and not always fully naked, but this is something where I don't ever want anyone out there. This has to be alone because it's one of the more humiliating, not humiliating, but it's trimming your pubes. Oh, yeah. I had trimming my pubs. Is this your pick? This is my pick.

Oh, my God, I had trimming my piece. Yeah, no, we all do that very frequently. If you did that in front of someone? We all have, we all are always trimming our pubes. Totally trimmed up. Totally like a normal. We all grow in amount of crotch hair that's for adults and that needs us to trim it. Is yours for kids? All the months.

Crotch hair is a weird one. My crotch pubs are. I mean, have you seen my legs? That's right. Yeah. You have a nice beard. It's weird. I got beard and chest and I got those late.

Wow. You're like a reverse sater. I didn't start getting, I didn't start getting. Were you're all hairy above the waist. I didn't, dog, I didn't start getting chest hair until my 20s. It didn't even, like, really? Like, none. Like, I have no chest hair in my teens.

I couldn't grow a beard in high school. It all came late. That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy. I don't think I could start growing a beard until I was probably like, I got like chin straps because I remember working at the gas station and it's subway. They made me put the thing on the bottom.

But like full on beard probably 23. You had to wear a beard net? Yeah. What is it? Not everybody. It was just when Sally worked. Fucking Sally. Yeah.

Sally's like that. And we lived in the same apartment. So she'd see me. I think it's because we lived in the same. apartment complex, she'd see me all drunk all the time. And me and my friends just out there fucking... She saw you blowing stontrock going with your own beers. Yeah. She was like,

get your face pubs under control. I've seen how you like to park. I've seen you and the boys in the parking lot. I used to like sit on my luma and just drink beers. And it was like... That's pretty cool. No, I was... But I was 19, that's not what you want. Because this is an apartment complex we all got kicked out of. Yeah. Oh my God.

Like four of my... We all got evicted. But yeah, I would just sit on my car and we would just get shit faith. But we were 19. Yeah, that's what's for. Let's say you're someone of Eastern European extraction. Yes. And you have quite a bit of hair. You probably got that early, too, huh?

Pretty quick. From the top of your toes to the top of your head. If you have to deal with your pubic hair, there's some weird angles you've got to stand at. I'm telling it, yes. There's some weird arching you got to do in the mirror. Yeah. There's some pulling. Yeah.

It's a few times I've done it there has been. You want to be alone alone. One of those, like, I have like one of those, I have like a manscape. I got one of them. Yeah, I've got one of this. But it, it, because the last time I, it, it scares me. I have to be alone in the house. I don't want anyone else home.

Yes. I'm the same way, because I'm putting, I'm putting leg up on stuff. Way up. And we are very. You got to put a towel down too, right? Well, I'm mostly doing shower. Yeah, I got a shower. I'm going shower.

Because I have one of those things, the water dry things with cram. Because you've got to go wet or dry thing, but that doesn't really, if you're trying to get, whatever, we'd probably do different types of scaping. I don't know. I don't know. I'm assuming you guys are completely bald down there. And nor I. Last time I did it, I did,

because there's no, there's no, on the manscape, there's no setting. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So it's just,

you got, you got, we do a full Bolivian. Yeah. I had all mine laser off and got new stuff tattoo. Sean had a tattooed it. You know, as your joke.

You just said that. I said it loud enough. You certainly did. Which is how I keep working. That's how in this competitive industry, I keep working. That's how you write for the globe. What was that you just said?

Yeah, Sean Pam, hand back. That did happen to me in a writer's room once. Somebody overlauded you? Just like, it's also happened to me on set one time where I riffed this thing and it went in the show and then we were talking about it at the end of shooting. And the guy was like, yeah, I just said that. What?

And then I saw you. Like right after it happened, I went and saw you. No, I saw both of you guys. Were we at the crib or something? No, it was in Portland right before COVID. No, no, no, you weren't there. Okay. You were there.

It was in Portland like, I shot this TV show right before COVID. We're good friends, so I would remember you saying something like that. That's when we were with, we were with, um. Something got cut. Yeah. Isaac, good producer. I'm not looking at my phone for, uh, context. My computer died.

Um, so I, I, one time I did it to Carson. Carson's a much quieter man. person than I am. It's okay if you think of yourself. I don't know. Like me, man. He's a much quieter fellow than I am. And one time we were...

I don't think fella's gendered. It's not. That's right. We were in San Francisco and we were with like a bunch of people we like barely knew and we were on mushrooms. And so it's like, you know, we're like riffing, but it's like we kind of don't know these. It was like a little bit of God. Yeah, it was tough. And this like homeless lady came up to us and she had a cat sitting on her head and the cat just like everywhere that this woman's head would move would move in the exact same way.

It would, like, look at what she was looking at and, like, crowds. It was so sick. Like, master blaster. Yeah, it was so sick. And Garzen, like, leans over to me as, like, it's like a cat GoPro. And I thought it was so funny. And so I said it louder. And, like, 40 people around us were like, ah!

Oh, that's nothing. I'm like, that's fucked. That's so funny. I just thought it was really funny. And so I said it again. And he was like, Jesus Christ. But he was like, there's no more. Take it all?

You gotta take it all. He was like, there's no more sinisterous sound than like 40 people laughing at your joke coming from someone else's mouth. He's like tripping, listening to people, be like, Laura's hilarious. Can you believe that? Can I just go somewhere? Imagine having that be your career for more than a decade. Oh my God, Ian. Man, you really gave some deep insight.

I never really thought about it that way. That is crazy. I can't imagine that. I can't imagine that. You're a tragic artist. Yeah. What else do you do alone, you little freak? Those are my two pics.

Oh, you went twice. Weird little voices and pub shaving. Oh, I forgot we were talking about pub shaving. Pube, pub. I use a razor. I use a razor on my area. Really? Like a razor.

You're not getting any. Like a bick? Never got cut. Not cut, but ingrones or itchiness or whatever. Nothing. Wow. Interesting. A razor scene.

Oh, that freaked me out. You just saying that. I do the same thing. Really? Yeah. You guys both. have Sometimes Isaac and I will do it like we just got

straight hair though Yeah That's interesting You guys have both very straight hair My shit's curly as fuck Yeah okay that's a big difference Yeah there's not a Because you would literally have to be like

Yeah yeah pulling on it Mine looks like George McFly Get out I want to talk about my pew I came to do two things Talk about my pubs and leave Almost out of pubs I'm almost out of pubs

I went not one time I shaved from like my probably my eyelashes Down to about my knees One time I shaved every Except for my pit hair I shaved everything in between. Were you in a swimming competition?

Why not the pit? I was like navigating. I was like, I can just do this. I can shave my everything. And I did. And it was nuts. That I got some razor burns. Yeah, you're gonna.

All over my chest. How old were you? I was doing standup, 23. Oh. 24. We're all making weird. Do we take it over your gimmick? I'm like, I'm hairless guy.

I'm the naked airless guy. I'm the governor. I'm a Mona Lisa of standup. She don't have eyebrows? Yeah, she has no eyebrows. Her? Mia Goth? Miga.

Jenna Ruehah. Who am I thinking of? Mia Goth. You're right. No, that's it's near goth. She doesn't have eyebrows? Meagoth. Meagatha.

She doesn't know that. Try to tap into pop holes. Do you think there's a lot of goth people in Italy? I don't know. What? Yeah. Yeah, this is Italian gods. Yeah, there's Italian goss for sure.

It seems like such a great place. Don't you? When I eat a lot of coffee. It's not that bad places have gotts. We call Morrissey Mazz and they have mozzarella in Italy therefore there must be Italian gods. Okay.

Who calls them Mons? A lot of people. Cool guys. Cool guys. Cool guys. Cool guys in the know. He's the golden gloves. I think they were all talking about it last night. That's the gloves. There's a big gloves conversation. They were all talking about Italian Morrissey. Me, Julia Roberts, the heated rivalry guys, J.P. McDade,

all of us. Shout out to McDade. He's really funny. He's so I don't know each other. We follow each other on the internet. I don't even follow him. I've just watched a lot of it. He's really funny. He doesn't know me at all. He doesn't know me at all.

He doesn't know, when you're like, hey, I have a lot of respect for that guy who probably has no idea who I am. That's a lot of stand up for me. It didn't used to be like that, but now as everything changes now,

it's like a lot of the guys I think are really funny, don't know who I am at all. In that night, I think it's nice. Miss Pat, and I've met her. That's wild when you met someone and you're like, I watched you know me a little bit. In the last five years,

Miss Pat's the only comedian. I paid money to go watch her in Denver. I just bought a ticket at the Paramount. Isn't that fun? It was awesome. Oh, that's great. I did that Simbad once where I'm like, even though I was in at Helium, they were like, I don't know if we can get you.

And I'm like, then I will buy a ticket. And I will buy myself a ticket. The whole globe's, like, there were so many funny people. It's nice being in a room with really funny people. For sure. It's really, Anna Driesin's fucking hilarious. Oh, my gosh to know what that's like. Katie Fischel's, like, best friend in the world and we've never met.

But she would see. Yeah, she seems fabulous. So fucking fun. Albertina Rizzo. Super hilarious. What else was on that? H to the Izzo? H to the I'm like.

Mike Lawrence? I love Mike Lawrence. That's another guy. I've met him two times, but since the PBS thing came out. Yeah. And then he was always like mythical. You remember all the New York guys that they used to talk about? They're like, this guy, I'm like, he doesn't eat every day.

And I was like, I don't eat. I'm also so poor I don't eat every day. They're like, nobody has pot to. Eat's the news. That's how it was. I remember the first time. That Mike, watching them tell jokes? He was like, he was like Paul Bunyan.

He was like, he does 50 open mics a week. Yeah. He only eats one dollar slice a day. Like, people were like. Yeah. And then you saw him and he crushes and you're like, oh, yeah. He's like one of the most brilliant joke. Comedy rules.

He also did that. I took his little, he did like a little screenwriting club, like free little screenwriting. For like late night writing. Yeah. And it was so good. And I watched it. I like taped it and watched it. And what a nice guy.

He was great. What a champ. We'll be right back with Morrill Fantasy Everything. We're going to take a quick break. This episode of All Fantasy, everything is brought to by Factor. Happy New Year, time to start fresh. Speaking of fresh, holy cow, Factor gets you fresh meals that are ready in like three minutes. Come on, that wasn't even written down.

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Offer only valid for new factors customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase make healthier eating easy with factor. Hey and we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy everything. All right. Is it David's too? It's David's. Sean, me. It's not Rockets. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Boom, right? Yeah. Wait, I thought you just did yours. I only did one, right? Yeah. I only did one, right? I'm wheezing. I get nasty, nasty with the condiments when I'm alone.

When you're alone? I use way more than you think I do. Really? Yeah, yeah. Way more than you think I do. Like, worse you say? Yeah, what are you doing? I go, like, if I get a, this is the example I was thinking. If I get like a Caesar salad, I'm trying to be healthy, I'll get like seven packets of dressing.

And I'll just go. Oh, so you mean like sloppy, like over the top of the balance. Almost like salad soup at that point? Oh, as you say, that's a ranch dish. Or like soy sauce. If I'm alone and I'm using some, I'm using soy sauce and I'm the deciding factor on how much I get. No other prying eyes. Yeah.

There's a good inch at the bottom when I'm done. Damn. I go nuts. You've reached like saturation of whatever food. You really feel in your soul. I am telling. I'm being pretty honest. You know what?

He's the only one doing this correctly. I need to change. No, I think I'm doing it really wrong. Or like. Your little voices? I will go get, I just did this in Seattle. I went and took all of their Cholula packets from the coffee shop because I had a sub. I'm like, I'm taking every single hot sauce packet they got.

And you just like put it in a bath or what did he? Pretty much. He did that right after he shaved his fugitive. You got to singe it. Earn it. Earn it. I had to walk around all the floor snout to get to the desk. This is a crazy.

Pray for the fucking person. I hope you tip the housekeeping. Of course I do. I hope you tip of a lot. I'm going to be honest, I forget too a lot. I know. It's a 20 every time, but I never get the room cleaned or anything. I just 20 every time.

Yeah. I think that's a good policy. Okay, I like this because I thought you were going to say like weird combinations, but you're just saying weird amounts. I don't really mix the condiments too much. Yeah. ketchup and mustard, they can get it. But I don't.

Well, they can't. Yeah, ketchup and mustard. They know each other. They would high school together. Yeah, but ranch and hot sauce Looks gross to me With a little Catchin' Moss

My hands are covered in it I don't see I just stick my ketchup Mustard hands out the door Wash these But don't come in He's just in the hotel By himself

My mind is telling me no My monster My master Tell me a Yeah, it's a fun life. You get nasty with a condiments. I like that. I like that.

A lot. I will over, okay, the Caesar thing really made my, the back of my mouth hurt, if you know what I mean. Yeah. You know,

made me feel sour in the back of my mouth. It gets tangy for sure. It gets tangy for sure. But I understand the soy sauce thing. Yeah. Give me gallons. Hot sauce. I'll go absolutely bonkers with if I'm alone.

I like this. I stopped doing it for Adam Neuron. He was. get bummed. He'd be like, dear, why don't you just eat? I would eat whatever I'm eating. He's like, why don't you just make noodles and then put hot sauce all over? Because you can't, he's like, I guarantee you can't taste your food. I'm like, yeah, you're right. I don't think, I think it's just Tabatio. Doesn't really matter when I'm meeting. So around people, I'm now embarrassed if I use like

the real amount that I want. Yeah. Which I shouldn't do anyways. I should want to taste the food. He's right. I mean, it's hard to should. It's hard to, it's hard to give yourself a should like that. Yeah, I don't have your mouth. There's no rules around that. Yeah, just right. All right. Fuck you, Adam. We went to Outback and got a baseball steak. What's a baseball steak?

A little... A little cheap one. It's a hamburger. It's for a buddy. It's for a boy. It's meant for a boy. And I was a man when we went. At the time he was a man.

I was a man. It comes in a little helmet. Here you go, son. Here you go slugger. David, come for your second pick. Make it disgusting, please. I did not... I fucking...

Oh, I fucking... I just really like to go to the movies by myself Yeah, oh yeah I don't even think of that That's perfect I really like to go to the movies by myself I at this point I kind of prefer it I know

I am to that point too I am too Which is weird because now you realize You don't have to worry at all about what the other person thinks If they're having a good time or whatever You're just like Dana and I recently had the conversation

Let me cut you off About that where we were like I really like that let me cut you off I like that that's a bit now I think I'm gonna cut off Okay, I'm sorry I was too No, we're like, no, I did like it.

That was a go on. You know what it is? Your eyebrows have so much flavor. There's a lot of flavor. There's so much flavor that I don't know what I'm tasting. I think, I don't, I think there are times. A lot of mixed condiments in there. Yeah.

It's like a Midwestern guy the first time he has Chinese food. I have not been getting a lot of sleep. It was a very intense last week. Oh, I can't imagine. You're going through hell week, right? I'm going through hell week at the globe. But it was like we were, you know, you'd ride all day,

And then you go out the sets at night with Nikki. And like, so I'm not in full control of my instrument right now. I don't think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The eyebrows. Your eyebrows are running the ship.

Yeah. Yeah. I think they're kind of in control. I didn't sleep much last night. Had a few drinks. They are icy. Do you do anything to them? Just fucking God, dude.

Really? You don't have to, like, thread them or anything? No. Because I got to shave right here. Because they look, I mean, they're very, you have a very prominent brow, but they're very, like, uniform looking. Oh, thank you. I shave right.

No. Whoa. You shave your, you shave the lid? . Yeah. You shave a lot, huh? I maybe once every other week I'll touch this up. I just mean everything here.

You're here now? I fly. I never shaved shit. No. Well, it's crazy to have browsed that fluffy and for them to not come together, right? Like, that's nutty. You don't. You would think that you would get a good for you.

You know what it is? They were like, they're like Tim Robbins and, uh, and, uh, oh, who's the Saranan. They're like, they're like, we're not going to get married. Here's what just happened to me. Yeah. I went to Robinson and Sam Richardson. And Sam Richardson. Whoa.

But not Tim Robinson. Do they hang out? Tim Robinson. No. Who am I thinking of? Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson. Yeah.

It makes me feel like. Okay. And I'm talking about Tim Robbins. Tim Robbins. Right. Of the HUDsucker project. And not Tom Robbins. Books.

Books. I've read a couple of them. I don't know. Still life with Woodpecker. What? That's a Tom. That's a Tom Robbins book. Robin.

Robbins. Robbins. It's a lot of life with Woodpecker. Liked it. Another one. I was going to say it's because your two brows are so strong. they feel like they should be one. Thank you.

Thank you. They work in tandem all the time. Kind of a Scotty Pipp and Michael Jordan situation up there. Oh, because one doesn't tip? One right one. No, they both tip. So I get some more of a Gary Payton, Sean Kemp. Thank you so much.

When you're in the room, one's right in the setup, the other one's delivering the pun. Absolutely. It's a Martin short Steve Martin situation. One got sick and then the other one was like, no, you're not, you're a liar. Faking it. Yeah. One of them punched Steve Kerr. One of them

Has a painting of itself That's slowly aging And that is One of them's dating your best friend's son That One of them's wife is dating your best friend's son Insane Oh that's crazy

Yeah movies alone Go to the movies don't Yeah Oh but Dana and I just had a conversation Where it was like I think we need to start doing this Because it's otherwise You have to get a sitter for like three hours

Oh totally go by yourself Go by yourself It's really a good time Yeah It's really nice to If I don't see it with you guys, I'm going to go to a minority supreme by myself this week. I still haven't seen it. If you guys want to come over, I've got, maybe I shouldn't say this on the air.

We can come back in on this. We were talking about movies. I can't wait to see Digger. Yeah, that's really cool. Tom Cruise. See what he does. Doing an Inioritu comedy. Oh my God, what?

I had no idea that this was happening. That's exciting. They don't really tell you much in the trailer, but it looks, it's supposed to be fun. LP. Time for your second and third picks. Second and third, oh, fuck. I forgot. Okay.

First, I'm going to take. parody songs. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Doing a little parody song to yourself. Cca, go, go, go, go, go, guicca, cucumber. Is that about a cucumber? Yeah.

Or like things like that. The other night, we were watching a movie, I went, Paramount, Paramount, Paramount, Pluss. What? Sister, I do that for money. I feel like you could, yeah. Should I not give too much or what? Don't give too much away.

I feel like if you get a hold of somebody over at CBS. You know what's a fun one? If you get duck fried rice, you ain't gotta say too much by the look in your eyes. I can tell you want some d'uck. Yes. Or you can do it to duck fried rice. Duck fried rice.

It's like girls on film? Oh, okay, wow. That's deep. With any three syllables you can do it. Right, right. Yeah. Okay, we've been doing, we watched Drake the other day. Awesome.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome night with my husband. And we did, this is my all-time favorite. We did. I am Trey. I am Trey. Dogg.

Dogg. Hey. You can make a donkey noise. Come on. Oh, man. You guys are the goddamn Smothers brothers in there. That's amazing That's so good

Fucking Captain and Tenil Weird Alan Neighbors coming over Like it sounds like a real healthy marriage in there Can we come in? Also do Captain and Tenil even have sex? I don't know Caneal then

You know the song This one is not going to hit it's hard But I don't care It's not Motor and Whatcha We did We invented a guy named

Motor Ed And it goes Motor Ed He's a fucking Fixed my motorboy No, that's really good. Wait a minute. Well, actually, it's a track.

What are you talking about? That's perfect. Ordering up some duck fried rice. It's sounding real nice. I'll eat some rice tonight. The problem is. is that you, the problem is I do it to my wife. I don't really stop.

Oh, yes. I really do it. It's like any time we're doing something and then there's a song, it's like, it's like so many times. Wife bits is real. I mean, they're some of the best. My wife, we were watching the show, I forget, Department Q on Netflix, which is like this one British mystery. It's great.

But the whole time we just were calling it Bodkin. And we had this running fiction going where our cat Eddie, directed or pretended she had written the show to Department Q she just referred to every character as Bodkin and then the thing describing that person like

jacket bodkin and haircut bodkin is a different mystery show and we did it for like 10 hours I love wife bitch we always talk like our cat is some kind of ethereal spirit yeah yeah like there's always been a grandma there always will be a grandma is her kind of grandma yeah yeah

God, that's good. What, okay, when I empty, this is a, this isn't a good, I empty the litter box. And every time I have the, I walk over to Lauren, I'm like, do you want this or should I take it? Every single time. That's a good one. Every single. I did it to her dad. I did it to the general.

I go, do you want this? He's like, no. Like, of course you don't want the cat food. I used to on dates all the time. When I would get, like, I'm going to use the restroom. Uh-huh. You want me to bring you back at anything? That's a good one.

Oh my God. Oh, my God. I love that. There's a gift shop or something like. That's why he's a closer. All-time favorite, Carson and I bit, is he'll come out of the bathroom and I go, you ever take a shit so bad,

you got to wash your hands. Amazing. Wait, I'm sorry. I hope you'll have me back on this podcast. Can we do a draft of bits we do with our thing? Did we have been kicking it around for you? Oh, that's fun. Yeah.

And your third pick. My third pick is, I'll check and see what my belly button smells like. Sure. Oh, yeah. That's very vulnerable thing. You don't get down there, you just scoop it? Just a little, just a little dippy.

Honestly, we can expand that to every crook and crevice. Yeah, it's true. I'm on top of the belly button, though. Yeah, that was weird. That was weird. I understand that was crazy. Yeah, I know what I smell like when I'm by myself. Me too.

Nothing's getting past me. No, no, no. No stink is getting past me when I'm alone. Because I'm brave enough to take a look. Sometimes I'll itch my butt too much over the underwear and I'll smell my hand like, oh, you did it. And then I got to change underwear and wash my hands. That was your first problem was wearing that underwear.

Look at my son. Since I know, co. He's got, look at that kit. My dear God, Ian. I can't believe what your child looks like. He looks like he's about to sing. He's so cute. Robert Huley.

Sorry about that. My wife just sent pictures. Yeah, I'll just do a quick dip and sniff, see what's going on in there. You got a dip and sniff. I've never done it with my belly button. I will now, though. Because I do.

You're not, you've never been, you've never been on the, it's different. It's different than you think. You've never been a man of cushion. I'm more of a pushing guy. You're more pushing guy. And I think it is a little more, I think when there's a little more padding around the midsection.

He's officiating our wedding. Now, Sean has never been a man. ever been a man of mortition. He's not fat. He fucked. He fucked. With the economy of fat or fucks. Sean has always hewed closer to fuck.

Oh. Yeah, but you have to see it. I like that, it's like a part of my shower checklist every time. Totally. I didn't realize ears stink for, I just figured that out a couple years ago. Inside, outside, behind? What do we talk about? Inside.

Inside? Inside? Inside? Yeah. Mine gets kind of grimy inside but behind. Yeah, you got to get up a behind. Especially if I've been like sweating all day. When you get that skin, you're like, holy cow, there's like dead skin I get out of my ear.

So much skin right in the, I'm feeling some as we speak. Yeah. Remember when Cardi B said that girl smells like earring backs? Oh, man, that hurts. That might be the worst smell in the world. That's belly button. Those are one and the same. You ever smelled a gauged ear without the gauge in it?

Like if someone takes it out, it is rancid. Why have you? Because I'm into weird shit, dude. Because he likes that. I'm also alone when I do that. I cut off ears. I sniff them. You have a little

like a crown royal bag? I got a little road ear that I bring. I'm a gap filler. That's what I do. We got to move on. Blair, sorry we're late. We were talking about disgusting shit. God, these are so fucking bull.

Mine are so fucking. No, you're being sweet. You're being earnest. When I'm alone by myself, dancing, but like for real. Yeah, dude. I had it on there. Like the way that you, like

the closest approximation to the man you want to be on. You need it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll throw out some like temptations, dance moves every now and then when I'm like listening to that kind of music, I'll do a spin and try to like throw a hand out. Oh yeah. Do I have that? Yep. No. I'll try to, I'll try to get lower than I have any business.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Honestly. Like I really shouldn't drop my knees too much to bust a move. Oh, alone? Dude, I'll try to learn how to seewalk once a month. I'll watch YouTube videos, tutorials, and I will stomp on the floor. I've tried myself. I cannot do it.

I can't do it either. I'm thinking about taking classes. I want to learn how to do it so bad. Just for that. Is it in Portland, Oregon? Maybe. They're like, oh, you're getting married soon. Yeah.

I want to really wild to meet my wedding. This is her gift. Sean's taking part in a community or a, spell community. Spell community. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-T-Y. A community justice-oriented Crip-Walking Symposium. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I wanted to say shrimposium earlier. Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, that was really good. It was like four hours ago. Yeah. I really like that. And all, because every single time,

even if it's just my husband, the person I trust the most on the planet, if I try to dance, I have to be like, I'm kidding, of course, because I'm a really bad dancer. Yeah. But if I'll give it my own when I'm about it. Can I tell you?

You know what sucks? I found I maybe danced the worst with my, wife. Sure. Why is that? I don't know. I get in my head more than it. More than I,

so we were at a wedding like a couple months ago, two, three months ago. And I was like, this is the worst dancing I've ever done. Yeah. And then I thought back to the last wedding we went to. And I was like, that shit sucked too.

And then I think about whenever we've gone, I don't know. I don't. And it's like we do, oh, I don't start very good. But like somehow dancing, I don't get you

I love her too much Is it dancing publicly with one another? No because I've gotten I gotten sick before on the dance floor Like I don't really have too big a problem Dancing in public Yeah yeah yeah yeah But something about

I think I just want it to go good So I want her to you know what I mean You're also navigating a new Body type That Fuck I didn't even think of it So, you know what I mean? All of a sudden there's some different.

Yeah, because I've lost like 100 pounds now. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. That's amazing. So there's some different, you're like, you're operating a new vehicle here. Oh, no. I don't drive this thing. Shit, I'm going to be a worst dancer. No?

I'm going to be a worst. I'm going to be a better than answer. Oh, that was my next one. You used foreign accents. Yeah, okay. Great. Yeah, really trying to dance. That's a great one.

Like, you, but like really trying to get your shit off. Yeah. John, what sort of nasty little. I can't wait. Nasty little secret. I can't wait I'm pissing shit Throw up

You baby Sometimes I'd be in my hand and drinking Sort of been Ingellicated There you go I'll make up fake eulogies For my friends

And make myself cry I've done that before You're such a darling That's so fucking sweet bro You make your Really? I've done it Have you done us?

Of course he's done you guys I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear it either. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. Have you known Isaac? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Oh my God. If I don't cry, I write them off. Clean up the roster if you can't cry at the thought of them dying. That's why Sharpie hasn't been on the pod in a while. That in a job, in a normal day job. It's his day job.

Sharpie, happy birthday, by the way. He's the greatest happy birthday, Sharper. We love you. 43. I don't know him very well, but I love him. When you picture Isaac's funeral, is it happening outside, like, are we at the graveside? Is it inside a building? I don't really picture the funeral.

necessarily. Yeah, we got to be there. If Isaac's dead. But we're also all dead. Well, one of us is in jail. Yeah, I'm going to say, whoever decided he dies. Right.

The one who chose to avenge him. Yeah, exactly right. I can't figure out who in this room decides. Oh, my God, that's awesome. Call it killing someone deciding that they dies. It has been decreed. I made a decision. Isaac, it's like, David's that we've avenged your death.

Yeah. Right, right, right. Yes, of course. Oh, no, we didn't. kill you. No. No. We would never kill you for eating both croissants. There's three. There's one left. Didn't know about that. Yeah. It's crazy

because we got three. I wasn't going to eat one. You weren't going to eat one. I had thought about it because I didn't want to wait till four to eat, but I'm going to wait till four to eat. Yeah, we should go out to eat after this. Probably going to have a drink next show. Neither here nor there. Fake eulogies. Well, let me keep a long as a long as. Thank you.

I love that one. My third one. this is related directly to dancing, but this is something I do alone. See if I have a good singing voice. Oh, yeah. Really, really break it off. You do have a good singing voice, don't you?

Ian, you do. Sometimes. Yeah, it's been pretty good at karaoke. I can, in karaoke. That being said, I'm shithouse, usually when I'm karaoke. Same. That's so true. I really need a couple of drinks. You're a really good singer in Blackdown.

Also, we should write a movie. She tried a move. Do you have, what are your go-toes, karaoke-wise? I just did, we just did the Carmel's one of karaoke

and up in Portland over the holidays and I did Billy Joel. Fine. Not we didn't start the fire. It was,

still rock and roll to me? No, what song was it? Hold on. Let me. Uptown girl? No,

it wasn't uptown girl. I can't have a little thing. He's close of audio of him singing it really. The piano man? Carson does a thing.

I'm sorry. Moving out. I was going to guess moving out, but I didn't want presume, okay. I used to sing Careless Whisper at karaoke, and I would try because I thought that my falsetto was like a good falsetto.

Yeah. And it's not. I just can get, ooh, I can do that, but it doesn't make it good, you know? But I used to think it was good. Where I'm like, I sound like Justin Timberlick. But I'll just like, you'll belt out some notes every now and then. Yeah. If you go into like a, like a bathroom that's like kind of echoing, come on.

Big singing the shower. Yes, it is so good. I always try to find a karaoke song by myself and then I never use it. Yeah. Because when I do karaoke, I'm so shithouse. Like in Philly that time. And you think you've got it. Well, you do.

You were great. I don't even remember that, but I remember there were so many people. People were fucking whiling out. He was wearing a backpack singing Bonnie Rae. Yeah. Damn. Wait, really? It's very blurry.

I blacked out that night and I remember that like it was like clear as dead. It must have been good. I think he was. Yeah, I think it was. It was the last night of our that leg. I kind of remember what the room looks like, and then we were at a diner. I remember it well. It was the last of my back.

I wish I could see this. He turned into an angel from Montgomery. Oh, my God. Wait, you didn't sing me from Montgomery. I was like, oh, oh. Just remind me another bit that I'll do is I'll play butterfly kisses all the time. Laura can't stand that song. And so I'll just play it on our Google speaker all the time, like if she walks in the door.

What about Daddy? Butterfly kisses. Little red flowers all up in her hair. I'll also put it on the religious station. Every time I drive her car, I'll put it on 96.3. Do you really? Oh, my God.

So she can listen to casting crowds? She gets in it. Oh, we should do that. That would be, that'd be fun. Fourth pick, sports documentaries. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does wife have no interest?

Not even a shred. Okay. Not even a shred. Not even a little bit. We got through that Elway documentary. barely. She was barely hanging off. She had one foot out the door.

And I was like, this is when it was back to back. Yeah. This is the year it was back to back. You see everything he's gone through? It's about to be back to back. I'd be watching that Cowboys documentary with her like get ready to leave to go work with remote in the hand, like, in the hand. And as soon as the door closed, bam.

She goes back and you pause it and you're looking at her like, what? What? What are you doing? What? Because I also don't want her to judge me for watching that kind of. Not that you would, but like in my eyes. head, I'm like, yeah, I don't want you to see how I live. Yeah.

Yeah. I just wanted to have interest and there's no interest. No. There's no. You can't for, you know, if you don't want to watch that Cowboys dock, you don't want to watch that Cowboys' Doc. No matter how funny I say Michael Urban is. Some of the shit I watch. One time I put on the Master, which is like the least Alana movie that's ever been made.

It's a serious one. And then I was like making dinner and I was like, hey, what just happened? She's like, I'm not watching this movie. Okay, all right. I'm on my phone. We literally last night we did that with Roof Man. Not that I was not super uninterested in it, but he would walk in the room and be like,

what just happened? I don't fucking know I'm on my phone. That's what Gray's Anatomy is for. We did that with a real fan. You could not make me watch that movie. I'm sure it was fabulous. I was just like, I'm on Instagram. Sean Jordan.

I'm so hot. I know. In a good way. This is starting. It used to be one specific kind of video on YouTube, but it's turning into different. So fight videos and videos about the vastness of space. I watch those a ton when I'm alone. The dichotony of man.

That shit is freaking me out lately. I watched one on like... What's freaking you out more of the fights of the space? The space. Space is crazy. is so big. Are the known universe and you're like, but what's after it? Yeah, terrifying.

Oh, I think about it. Yeah. I don't anymore, but when I was a kid. We've talked about it on this podcast a lot. I'm one of those freaks who finds it comforting. Oh, God. Because what? I'm freaking out right now.

What's a new view? Yes. You know what? I go back. I oscillate between those two perspectives. I think they both make a lot of sense. Like, holy shit, I don't matter. And holy shit, it doesn't matter.

The only thing that does freak me out, the vastness of the ocean, open water freaks me out. I think it's like similar to the space feeling where I get like scared. Because space at least doesn't wet. Yeah. No, you don't know what's out there. I know. There's wet space. There's not wet space.

There's wet space. There's wet space. After the, after the you've known universes just ditty. Sherrodell with me, Sherry bed, in wet space. There's wet space on the floor. Star Trek, wet space, I'd rather be in the man's the only dry place. Bougars space. Hot snot, pot.

Let's go to dinner. Hot sauce. I hate it when you freeze-stop. That's my. last pick. Freezo. I couldn't say that's my last

dick. That's so funny. That's my last one. I was going to hit you over the head with it. Because I will not do it. He's tried to get me to do it so many times. Oh my God.

Will you do it? Are you going to freestyle? Come on. Fuck no. Come on. I'll do it. Nope. Well, you guys,

after you. Nope. I do lies the skinners show one time. The first time I... Oh, were we on that show? No, no, no. It was the first time I ever did. I had a bad time.

Yeah, I had a horrible. That show sucked. If you're not into that thing, if you're into that, I guess it's fun. It was the first time I ever did South by Southwest. Yeah. And I was like... Oh, no, you did it out. Oh.

Because it was like South by and it was like probably like year five of comedy. So I was like, I'm at Southby. I got to really try to get any extra show. Yes. And then immediately I was like, oh, this was horrible. That's the, you might have just said it. What's the name of that show? It was a freestyle.

It was a rap show. Yeah. Yeah. She would get people to fucking, she'd get people to do at festivals. I used to get scared watching people do it because I'm like, I don't think they know it. Sitting on a couch next to a grouch. I don't think he was, is this a shirt or is it a blouse?

That's a slant rhyme. It never felt like, I don't have time. I don't have time. See, that's what I do in the shower. I don't have time. You're just watching fight videos just knocking on the floor. Try to learn how to have a room. is big.

David, covering your fourth pick. Sean made his fifth. It just had to happen. Oh, that's right. He did. Okay. I didn't mean to.

Sorry. God, this is, I mean, I feel like a, do people still say wuss? Yeah. Do people still say wuss? I like wuss.

Wuss feels southern to me. You're a damn wuss about it. Because it's, it's wimp and puss, right? Is it? That's what I thought it was. What's that called? Portmanteau.

It's a portmanteau. Mantonto? I don't know what you're saying. Like a combination of two words. When you put two words together. Oh yeah. I thought so. I love that.

Like corn dog. Mm-hmm. Log. Like corn dog? There's no corn involved, isn't there? Corn thing that's sad. I think corn dog is what that thing is. It certainly is two words put together, but is it a portmanteau?

Does that? Blog might not be a portmanteau. Oh, I don't understand what you're saying. So, yeah. Double-shortened word. Each thing is a, each. Vlog is a portmanteau. So hot dog, obviously the end of the end of a word.

corn dog but I want Wait Give me a food It's a corn weiner Like a queener Queener Queener

Queener Queener not one Queener the royal Queen dog Can I think of any portmantos I can't Queen dog Does we make me a t-shirt

that says queen Yeah of the back Fritter King No I think I'm losing Infomercial Okay Yes

Information commercial Oh Edgutainment. I'm in the information commercial business. David, your fourth pick? Only on account of the time. I like to down a queen dog. Oh, man, this is so, he did a nice restaurant.

Oh, that makes you feel, it makes me feel, it makes me feel like a sophisticate. It's an interesting pick. So this is now like things you like to do alone, as opposed to things you do alone. Oh, wait. Are we changing? I got some other ones. I've never done it. I can change it.

I got one that I kind of want to rather do. actually. I like to get zooted. I like to get dumb high, but only by myself. Like really high high. And it's changed. It used to be a community thing, not anymore. I will get blunted on reality by myself.

And then it doesn't matter what you do. It doesn't matter what you do. You don't have to talk to anybody. Even the love of your life, you don't have to talk to. You're just like, I'm just going to have my little thoughts for a minute. That high was my last pick. I don't do it around people anymore. No, it really.

It used to be the funnest thing I did around people. now it's like, but lately it's been fucking with my, my brain has been telling me lately like, oh, you got to go away again for a while. I don't even get, I smoke weed like once every other week now. Yeah, I'm the same. Sometimes it just, I start to spin out. And then that thinking, that thinking, that thinking about thinking about thinking. Is it always a lot?

Or is it sometimes just like a puff or two? It's always a lot. Always a lot. I've been doing, okay, good. I'm not new to this. I'm true to this. It's always a shitload I smoke

I smoke fat once I'm the goddamn Cotton Mouth Kings in my shit You're a bon-token alcoholic I'm fucking He's freestyling Oh my god he's doing it

He's free styling I'm a Bongjuno hub Oh my god I am kind of a bunged I fucking love that guy. Me too, I'm a Bongchino! He's so talented!

Carson and I will do it in like a bring out your dead voice. We'll do it. Bung June home in our farm in life. I love this. I love this. We're having some fun. You know what we do sometimes is giraffe fight. Do you next?

Yeah. That's fun. It's pretty sick. LP, your fourth and final picks. Okay. You know what? These are different enough, and so I'm going to take it. Get teeny teeny too high.

Tee tuff or two. And go on like a three-mile walk. Oh, yeah. Ooh, I take long ones by myself. Big sunglasses on. I've suddenly moved to a neighborhood in which I'm running into people every single time I step outside. What's your exact address?

Can you say it into the microphone? You go, you go, something got added and you put it in it. That's that 10,000 Patreon tier. What? You get to come to my house and say what? We will give you Laura Peaks address. Not ours.

No, no, no, no, no. No. I have a peal box. Security code, address. You can get our address from Peak if you find her. Peekfinder.com. being fine. It's like the Santa Tracker.

You can see him just hovering over the headguns studio. You're on the patio at this store. I found her. I found her. If she's sending out smoke signals. A big long walk by myself. Maybe podcasts mostly absolutely nothing. A teeny bit high.

Turning into really my favorite activity. If not, I'll say, get a little bit high and do some outright exercise, like going like a big old, like uphill hike. You ever work out a little stoned? I've heard about people who do that. I don't like it. It's, I hated it when I first did it. But then I've started to do it to such a teensy taincy degree where I'm just a little bit

having fun. And it's your lungs feel big and you feel very like cable. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Going a little bit of a run. Oh yeah. I did it accidentally one time. I took like a little bit of Molly and then I went on.

Wait, that's crazy. We're talking about weed. I know, I know. You psycho. I didn't mean to, but the little bit of Molly made me want to go for a run, and I did it, and it felt amazing. Yes, dude. Just enough heroin to deadlift. Why are you crying?

I was on shit. Oh, my God. Zach Tisconi, like, he's a big stone to work out. There's something about it. I mean, he can do everything stone, though. Yeah, okay, is that kind of guy? And your final pick out of it. Just enough meth to drive.

I'll wake you up. I, this is tough. And it kind of comes into what you said, like kind of make myself sad on purpose. So I will, strangely you brought it up, it's in my notes. I'll listen to John Prine and Bonnie Ray and sing Angels and McGermory

and I'll think about being sad. Wow. And I'll make myself, I'll give myself a good cry on purpose. I love that. So that I can go about my day. But that's a sad one to end on, but it's true.

I'll make myself a little bit sense. What about hello in there by John Prine? Oh, you stop it. You stop it. Having empathy for people who are older. Yeah. We don't have that as a society. He's so good.

I'm so glad you said that. My next pick couch is perfectly with that. Good. Let's do it. Pick every scab off your body. How many scabmy got? Lots. If you search for it, it's more than you think.

Oh, yeah. Oh, you can find them too. Oh, yeah. Sometimes you go up in here. Oh, yeah. And you're like, oh, that's interesting. Oh, I get a little skin. Especially now that I got animals, they're always scratching some shows.

That's true. Yeah, that's true. You ever find a Zit. that you can get just by raking your nail through it. Yeah. I'm into that. I love popping a zit. And I know it's really, it's really, I wish, I know that it affected some people adversely.

I always wished I had a little more acne. I never. Oh, geez. That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life. You talked about snotting on the floor. Holy cow. Have an acne? I did my nickel.

You're coming from a place of acne privilege. Jeez. Oh, really? You had more acne than all. I had bad. I've never had like a lot of pimples in my life, but I've had a lot of scabs. Yeah.

My final pick. Yeah, sorry. You do freestyle. No, please. Yeah, freestyling. These are things you do all by yourself. My final pick is bad. Because I can do bad all by myself.

Does that have the Taraji, the Taraji P. Henson, Tyler Perry, you know. That's right. I like that. Because I can do bad. all by myself. I like that.

If you want a real answer. No. Okay, great. I don't. No. I can do bad all by myself. Isaac, do you have a pick?

Yeah, I'm alone a lot because I live alone, but I give myself a haircut. Whoa. And your hair looks like that? That's not a thing most people do along. He does a lot of things himself that I could never do.

You do that to yourself? Love. I do give myself haircut, but it's kind of embarrassing because I'm just like covered in my own hair. What's awesome? I'm sorry. What are you saying?

We're saying nice things. about you while you're talking. I'm sorry. Okay, embarrassing one. I'll talk to myself in bad Spanish. Oh, that's like to try to learn Spanish. Oh, why do it? You know, I was like, I'm like,

you just wake up, Ombres. Yeah. I like that. Don't take comita. You're just looking in the mirror. Or I'll like try to dance like K-pop dances and it's really bad. I'd like to do that.

Very bad. I'd like to do that. You learn how to K-Walk. K-Walk? Carmel Walk. Carmel Walk like a Korean. I'm not doing any data. David said that.

I didn't move my body. I was still. David Bori said that. I was just doing the Egyptian song with Korea. To recap, Laura Peek took, have an argument with a person who's not there. Parody songs, belly button check. Get a little behind going a long walk and make yourself sad with music.

David took Be naked. Go to the movies. Dance. Like, but really dance. Get incredibly zooted and pick every scab off your body. Sean took blast knock rockets onto the floor of a hotel. Get nasty with the condiments. Give fake eulogies to make himself cry.

Watch fight videos and then space videos and freestyle rap. Are you okay? No. It doesn't sound like it, does it? I took, make weird little voices, trim your pubs, try out your best singing voice, watch sports documentaries, and do bad. Sean, I think that might be your magnumorphs. And do bad.

This was your bad. You went. You won't. I got to stop going on the road. I don't want to stay one for a while. To not even like. It sounds like Lauren's going to be pumped. To not even test the water. He's like,

I fucking shoot it on. It's so. We want to hear your big sentence up at all fantasy podcast at gmail.com. Shout out. To everyone on the AFE Patreon. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Shout out to our wonderful producer.

Over there cutting his own hair. Isaac Lee on the ones and twos. Shot to St. Sue Carmel. Shout to Had to Hadja Beats. Shout to Sid the dude. Shout to Frankie Ocean. And more important than all that, tune again next week to another brand new episode

of All Fantasy Everything. Shaglackety. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I'm Drew Offalo. And I'm Dason Offoallo. And we host the HeadGum podcast, Two Idiot Girls. Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at

a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things, like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had one. or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.