All Fantasy Everything - Things You Wish You Were Good At (w/ Shane Torres, Sean Jordan, & David Gborie)

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

All family! We hope all is well! As we are still under under quarantine, we know what you need in this troubling time... a little bit of the Hispanic Titanic! That’s right, the good vibes gang is joined by the one and only Shane Torres as we draft “Things You Wish You We’re Good At!” Now take that mask off and enjoy! Or go on a walk WITH A MASK ON AT A SAFE DISTANCE and enjoy. Episode Guest:Shane Torres @shanetorres IG: @syrupmountainSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch:T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is recording its fifth episode in two days. We're fucking putting it together for you. We did it, man. We did it. We're handling this shit. It makes me think that if it ever turns into a TV show, we're going to be great at it. Oh, there you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, why does that make you think that? Because we can work close together for long periods of time and not bug each other at all. Shut up. I'll speak for myself. Shut up.

Yeah, shut the fuck up. Shut up. Maybe shut the fuck up. We watched Tombstone last night. Maybe shut the fuck up. Tombstone. We watched the birdcage last night. We watched Tombstone and the birdcage.

You wear shorts with paddles on them and you're not shutting the fuck up? Shut the fuck up next to my aquatic shorts. They're aquatic, bro. My nautical themed shorts. My nautical nautica shorts. I thought those were wine glasses. Those are paddles?

Yeah, they're paddles. Wine glasses. What the fuck do you think I do? Oh, like paddles or something like champagne flutes or something. Yeah. I got your champagne flute swinging. Get bent. Get bent, you turkey.

Alright, you jive sucker. What are you doing? Maybe I'm not as stoked on you as I thought I was. Why don't you go in the front yard, do an ollie, and get bent while you're doing it? Why Johnny Ringo? Why Johnny Tyler? We fucking watched Tombstone last night.

It was awesome. Tombstone knocks, dude. And then chased it with the birdcage. Yes, we did, man. That's a good one-two punch. Yeah. Birdcage is night. It was awesome. Tombstone knocks, dude. Yeah, dude. And then chased it with the birdcage. Yes, we did, man. That's a good one-two punch. Yeah. Birdcage is fantastic. I love it.

I hadn't seen it in 20 years, probably. It's such a funny movie. Bob Williams takes it there. Man, that guy. Yeah. Nathan the Game Lane. Oh, yeah. I like you calling him that.

The game ain't the same. It's Nathan Lane. Hopefully everybody's doing well. We have no idea. This will be out in like a month and a half, so we have no idea what the world is going to be like. We don't know what the It's only at the lane. Hopefully everybody's doing well. We have no idea. This will be out in like a month and a half, so we have no idea what the world is going to be like. We don't know what the landscape's going to look like. Uncharted waters.

That was always true. That's crazy to think about, though. Because even if there was no pandemic, what if Valparaiso won the March Madness? No, yeah. Then the world would be different. It's crazy because we put this out with no idea that when this drops, Sean will be in prison.

Yeah. We did not see that coming. But a hero. Hold your head up. A political prisoner. Free Sean. Yeah, free Sean. Free Sean. Please, please, please free Sean. After I get free, I can finally tell everyone to do what they need to do, which is wash

their ass. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? That's why you got put in. That's why you don't know, dude. Yeah, I was telling too many people the truth. Wash your ass. How do you think you would fare in prison, Sean? Poorly. Much like all of us would fare in prison. I don't know. David would do the best.

Ian would do the second best. You would be the third best. I'd be the fourth best. I don't know. I think I could come in first. No, David would be first. You'd get cummed in first. Running in mustard tunnel. cummed in first. And red-lettered yogurt slingers the gross one up. Put the bologna cone right in your mustard tunnel.

Are you doing coddice? Now that Shane is president, I'm going to get in trouble for that. That's the other crazy turn of events we didn't see coming. It's been a wild 30 days. It's been a wild 30 days. Shane's president, Sean's in jail.

The state of the bagel address. David and I are the new Ben and Jerry. Yeah, well... The state of the bagel address. Honestly, if they kept their eyes open, they would have seen that coming. A long time ago. Ben and Jerry couldn't do it forever.

This shit is chess not checkers understand the state of the bagel address yeah man it should cost more ian and david has said a ben and jerry with a brand new flavor flanterage flanterage dude oh yeah just imagine the real flanterage yeah that was me that sounded nice it's that kind of podcast hopefully things are going okay in the world right now and if they're not hopefully this comes out

as like a beacon of positivity because we recorded this before they were I guess doing that not a chilling reminder of a time before we knew that wolves could get coronavirus but it would turn them into larger wolves we do not need bigger with thumbs hyper intelligent thumby wolves god damn who they know my little sister's dating a thumb wolf a thumb wolf i mean it's all good but maybe not in my house i know yeah my dad never told me never to bring a thumb wolf into his house.

You host Thanksgiving. Maybe I'll come. You know? I don't know what they eat. I don't know what a thumb wolf eats. I know that they know we've had bologna for a long time and they're mad about it. They are pissed at our meat selection. Yeah, we have so many meats. So many crisp meats.

Why are you all looking at me? You're a crisp meat. Come, Din. Oh my god. meats. Why are you all looking at me? You're a crisp meat. Cummed in first. Oh my god. Still recovering from that. What are you recovering from? Getting cummed in first. Stop. I don't know how I do in prison. It'd be interesting to see.

I start complaining pretty early. I imagine that's what you do. I know that about myself. How come no one's talking about how much this place sucks? I'd start pushing for some changes. Have you guys tasted fucking food? Again with the gruel. I'm sorry.

This is what I'm supposed to sleep on? And then you want me to wake up and fucking do bench press all day? I can't do that. Hey, guard, how am I supposed to fuck your wife on this thin mattress? I mean, now I'm thinking he might fare well. I'd respect that. Right? Yeah.

I'm pushing for changes. You know, there's this guy, Ian, in my pod. He's always telling the guards he's going to fuck their wives. He's kind of looking out for us. You've got to fill up the pillowcase with full soda cans and just go beat the shit out of the first person you see. Oh, yeah. The old Sean Penn.

That was in the original Bad Boys. Yeah. If you listeners don't know, there's a Bad Boys before the commonly known Bad Boys that you know. Very unsettling, that movie, Bad Boys. Sean Penn accidentally hits and kills this kid's little brother, before the commonly known bad boys that you know very unsettling that movie bad boy sean penn uh accidentally hits and kills this kid's little brother and he has to go to like a juvenile detention center so this guy goes and commits a crime just to get sent to a detention center so

he can be in there with sean penn da da da they have it out in yeah that movie is fucking gnarly i saw that movie as a kid too pat jordan sat me down like it was a documentary like this is how it's gonna go dude i remember this one of my babysitters showed me and i remember that soda can part and i was like what's he doing and she's like this motherfucker's smart and i was like oh that movie oh no this is like actually a pretty bad memory i don't want to talk he straight up does he i was like a little kid when i it's like the watch along you guys because it's also kids they're kids yeah they're like 16 17 year olds yeah so you're like this could happen when they they raped that little boy remember that little black kid there that kid was like 10 like all that movies that happens in the movie it's fucked

damn gnarly movie it's fucked way gnarlier than you know mike lowry's bad boy yeah if you're a little kid which by the way and that bad Boy is like a thousand people get killed or something. Yeah. But it was fun. Bodies are thrown out of court. It's because they got hit by a speedboat on a bridge. That never happens. If you're a little boy who is thinking that he could end up going to juvie, you do not want to watch Bad Boys.

I remember because that was like around the time where I was starting to get a little jealous because I had never been to Juvie. Yeah. Yeah, I totally remember that time. Yeah. I don't. I did not have that time. It would have been queer in Juvie. It would have been quite queer. I was jealous that I didn't have Super Battle Tank yet.

That's fair. Yeah. I barely left this house. I haven't had underwear on until today. house. I haven't had underwear on until today. Jesus. I haven't put underwear on until today. Yeah, he told me earlier. I tried to quarantine that dick. I've spent the last four days pretty much right in this chair, which is fun.

Sean is Jordan. I'm here. Finally wearing underwear. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram. Yes, sir. Where he wasn't wearing underwear earlier. Anything you want to say? You know, keep rocking, keep rolling.

Yeah. Hell yeah. I wish you guys could see him right now. You do have some things to point people towards. The Buck Starts Here is an album on a special thing records. Download, listen to it, stream it, do what you got to do. Probably a faded Twitch stream on Friday nights. So direct your attention towards that.

We're not going to promote. We're not promoting that until I get a little taste. All right. Talk to Mike about that. Until he wets my beak a little bit. All right. We're not going to promote the Twitch streams on Friday evenings. Available via

the faded Twitter account. I believe 7pm. 7pm. Yeah. Probably David might be tweeting about it. Mike might be tweeting.

We're not going to fucking promote that. All right. Good. We don't want you to tune in. Until daddy gets a taste. You understand? Until daddy.

I've never gotten a taste to anything. Until daddy gets a taste. Wouldn't it be nice to get a taste? There's never been anything going on where I was like, let me get a taste. I never gotten a taste of anything until Danny gets a taste wouldn't it be nice to get a taste there's never been anything going on where I was like let me get a taste I never got a taste of anything

not once in my fucking life I guess I get residuals that's kind of a taste is that a taste I also cook that food you never got into somebody else's kitchen that's true I've never gotten a taste I don't have that much juice no you gotta have juice

to get a taste. Oh, you gotta have juice to get a taste. Juicy fruit. You ever gotten a taste? He's never had a taste. Yeah, you're right. That's no way.

Are we talking about dogs again? I coulda. You didn't know what a taste of. Taste of my ass. What are you having a taste of? I have lots of things.

What would you have a taste of? I said I've never had a taste. Yeah, but what would you, like, what would you have a taste of? You've never had it. You're so sure I can't have one that you might be able to tell me? Some kind of a legal. What would you have a taste of? You're so sure I can't have one that you might be able to tell me? Some kind of a legal numbers racket.

I want a taste of that. Some kind of weed business. I want a taste of that. Your construction business. You need a permit? Give me a little taste. I introduced the two of you. Let me get a taste.

That's not how that works. That sounded very swingery. Are you talking about premonotony works that sounded very swingers that sounded very swingery I introduced you to your girl let me get a taste what are you talking about I introduced the two of you I'd be so bummed if someone said that like no

that would be a bummer yeah well Karen I introduced you to you. If it wasn't for me, let me get a taste. That would be a bummer. Yeah, well, Karen, I introduced you to your boyfriend, so yeah, you can give me a hand job. Yeah. I know he's got soft hands. Did you get a sign on Twitter? Yeah.

Cool guy. Twitter's still around. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what's going on. I think it's it'll be dog Twitter by the time we're done with it. Faded Twitch is on Fridays. Yeah, you know. Stream the lot. Stream the lot of video.

Vimeo. You know, watch my episode of AP Bio. Yeah. You know. Sugar Shane Torres. Yes. Creator of the Everything Bagel Joke. Yes.

At Shane Torres on Twitter. The phenomenon. The phenomenon. The Everything Torres on Twitter the phenomenon the Hispanic Titanic the night tiger the night tiger syrup mountain loud big von beef oven that's about it for the nice ones Doc Hollandaise

Edgar Allen Faux Edgar Allen Faux Edgar Allen the crow. Edgar Allen Foe? Yeah, dude. Jose Conqueso. Edgar Allen the Crow. Do you like The Crow? That movie? Yeah. Didn't we do the watch-along together? Yes. We did. Yeah, that is right. We did right here. It was weird, dude. That movie is weird.

That'll go back to another one of those things that doesn't hold up. The Crow. Does it not hold up? Fuck. No, it does not. Yeah, that movie holds up if you're real weird. I haven't watched it. Like if you haven't progressed mentally since middle school. Well, that movie holds up if you're real weird. I haven't watched it. Like if you haven't progressed mentally since middle school. Well, I haven't, but I was a genius. I was a boy genius.

Shane, anything you want to direct people towards? Oh, most of my living was made on the road before this. Yeah, the end times. Oh, now I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably be staying with Ian for a bit. So if you want to see me, I love that. You guys can't see, but Ian's flexing right now there's veins in his neck moving around it's always true yeah that's uh because he's so horny for me i'm horny bro yeah um i don't know fuck stream my shit listen to my album yeah yeah there it is yeah um whatever this all clears up

i'll be back out on the road. So just keep an eye out. Chainiscomedian.com Everything Bagel Jokes. You can see them in person. Judge for yourself. It's on YouTube. Comedy Central loved it.

Go ahead and log on. Give it a thumbs down. Go ahead and smash that hate and unsubscribe button. They give you the thumbs down option for a reason, folks. Now's the time to use it. I don't understand why you need to tear me down. I feel it's because I'm a threat to you. Log on there.

Hate and unsubscribe. What threat? Are you going to accidentally, are you pontificating about bagels? Fall over and knock my Emmy over? What's going to happen? Fall over and knock your Emmy over. It doesn't even look real.

I know, isn't that weird? I've seen him beat people up with it in the front yard. When they knock too hard. This is a wild energy we've started. I'm Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish

Foot Locker app for your tall tees. And your yarmulkes. Oh, your tall tees eats. Did you guys ever have tall tees? Oh, exclusively. I have like a, I'm 6'3", but I have a 30 inch inseam.

I'm all torso and I'm fat. That's different. Yeah. So I need them for like. But I mean, did you ever have tall tees when it was like the way.

A fashion thing? No, they would just, they just fit me better. i had one tall tee and i always knew it looks stupid because it used to be you could get four t-shirts for 20 bucks at footlocker and they had it folded up so i didn't know it was a tall tee and i bought it and it was just i couldn't i could just look like you were in your jammies yeah it just looks stupid because i'm i'm really short yeah just look it was like to my knees you know what's funny about those tees is if you got like four extra large tall tees same color and

everything they would all somehow still be a different size none of them were the same because i used to buy them a lot and you'd get like a tall tee another one of them would go down to your knees the other one would go like mid-thigh yeah these are the same shirt that's why they were so cheap because they just kind of guessed they bought them from i mean those were cheap shirts yeah five bucks when you're not on the streets of new york or hollywood boulevard getting a t-shirt for five bucks is bananas i bought a lot of pro clubs from you buy big dog shirts for us all yesterday for five bucks each oh no big johnson johnson oh what no i didn't i didn't put it through. I forgot. I need to know your size. Oh, large.

Dude, we're going to look so fucking big. What is the Big Johnson shirt? The apocalypse Big Dog. It's not Big Dog. It's Big Johnson, dude. Big Johnson. You big fucking idiot. We're getting those big dick shirts. Yeah.

Just a ratchet set and huge cartoon boobs. That's a new currency, dude. Like a pinball machine. Oh, shit. They have new arrivals. Big Johnson. They're the only ones that are still. boobs yeah currency like a pinball machine oh shit they have new arrivals big johnson big johnson t-shirts every dick's better bigger when you gotta find water yeah big johnson dive shop we make it easy for you to go down yeah it's ridiculous. Funny. Big Johnson Coronavirus Treatment Center. We'll fill your lungs with

liquid. Something like that. Why didn't you point at the Emmy after that one? I felt real bad about it. I felt terrible. But that's what I'm going to have to do if showbiz ends. Because Big Johnson is never going over. They'll have to hire me to write big

johnson t-shirt slogans your excel yeah because i'm not going to be good enough to get on the big dog train that's going to be all those like harvard i know you can get you can get you can you can write for big dog i hope so i want that to be your retirement that's what i'm hoping i'm just gonna get a house long beach oregon and i'm just going to get a house. Long Beach, Oregon. And I'm just going to, I'm going to ride for big time. Hell yeah. What, what's your size again? Large. And if they have, and I'm going to get a house up in the mountains.

And in charge, still on the size tag, please make that. No, we're all getting the same one. Guys, we have to wear these at the same time. I'm just saying, if you can find the size. Otherwise, we're going to look like fucking assholes. We should go to Outback Steakhouse. We're not the only ones wearing big Johnson shirts. That's a good point. We should go to Outback Steakhouse. We're not the only ones wearing big Johnson shirts. That's a good point.

We should go to where they all go. Listen to All Fantasy Everything. Buy or stream my album 9.2 on Pitchfork. It's great stand-up comedy. There are no observations about bagels on it. Just buyer beware. I was there. I opened.

Yeah. And I opened for him, too. He did. I did. I saw what your girl meant when she told you to open up more. Give me a taste. Well, I was trying to be a thug for her. There you go.

Damn it. Yeah, I don't have anything else to point anyone towards. Hope everyone is doing well. If you want to join our Patreon, that's a great time. Patronus or something. Patronus. We're putting out extras all the time. It helps us live and make this podcast, which is very nice.

And we'll do the playlist thing. I'd like to have it done by tomorrow. Real tomorrow. It also keeps us in the big Johnson shirts to which we've become accustomed. Which we will become grown accustomed to. It is a lifestyle that is hard to leave once you get there. It is. You're a certain kind of person.

You see the world for what it is. The big, big, giant, big, beautiful mess that it is. You know? It's not clean, you know? It's a dirty world. It's sticky. It's grimy, but it's beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's alive. It's vibrant, you know? Much like

your fleece. Thank you very much. My girlfriend does not like this fleece. Really? Yeah. No way. So we'll see if she stole my girlfriend by the time this drops. She doesn't like that it... She doesn't like it? I love it. She doesn't like it. I love it.

I think it's great. A lot of passive aggressiveness. I like it, but I can certainly see how someone might not enjoy it. See, there's that passive aggressiveness he was talking about. I'm going to take a fashion cues from this guy anytime soon. Don't you worry about that. Yeah, they didn't show us. Don't you worry about that.

Try to get some of this ass of aggressiveness. Shane, Shane is one of my... That's so juvenile. Yeah. No one accused us of being scholars. No, that's true. I went real fifth grade with him.

You're on the internet buying us all big jugs and you're in the middle of a pandemic. Okay, we all cope in different ways, Shane. I know, I'm not just... Retail therapy, dickhead.

If it all comes crashing down and we all die, like, yeah, no wonder those guys didn't make it. We got other stuff. I already bought the groceries. Yeah. Now we need the Big Johnson t-shirts. You already bought the groceries. I started eating them.

Everything's working the way it should. It's not fiscally as irresponsible as you think. Gotta keep the economy going, man. Yeah, we gotta stimulate the economy. They just slash interest rates to zero. That's actually what the Big Johnson shirt says on the back. Stimulate the economy. Stimulate the economy.

And then it's like a dude with a graph and then like two... Yeah, you'll see it. Big Johnson's economy stimulus. Ride the bell curve. See? Dude, you gotta... We gotta get Big Johnson on the phone. There it is.

Yeah. I don't think they have a phone. I think we might have to fax them. Yeah. What if there was like the CEO was get Big Johnson on the phone. There it is. Yeah. I don't think they have a phone. I think we might have to fax them. Yeah. What if there was like the CEO was named Big Johnson? Big Johnson. I have a meeting with Johnson later. Which Big Johnson?

Oh, my God. Here's what I'm saying. They're lucky they don't make Big Johnson sweatsuits. I told them. They do. I feel like we could be the election just by having them put on sweatpants. I feel like someone

cut off the oxygen supply to this room. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, I'm punch drunk for sure. Yeah, once all you guys leave, I'm opening these windows.

I'm making Zach go sleep outside. Why? Because he's at the gym? If he's at the gym, we're going to have to actually have a conversation

from afar. He might be outside, actually. I mean, like running or something. I hope so. He could be playing tennis. I thought he takes a Sunday run. He might be outside, actually. I mean, like running or something. He could be playing tennis. I thought he takes a Sunday run. He might. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure he's

not at the gym. That's insane. Yeah, he's a smart guy. Yeah. No, we're gathering here today not to speculate as to where Zach is the Tuscan. Way to bring it. But also to fantasy draft things we wish we were good at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Things we wish we could do. Things we wish we could do. Things we wish we were good at.

Any of that, right? That all chestnuts. I don't see anyone being too picky. Well, mine was. I wish I was more like my father. Too bold. No, you're just like your mother. She's never satisfied. I am just like my father.

He's too bold i am too both pretty bold why do they scream at each other well that's what it sounds like when that's all i know that's all if you guys can try to see me spell the word i just put down for things i wish i was good at wow i can't find out what it is i'll tell you that uh now the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rocky game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you and we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Oh, we go again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Sean, Jordan, Gordon. Sean won two in a row. I don't know if I've ever won one. What are you doing with your hands? What was that? That?

No. The GD folk crypt forks. No, no. What were you just doing? Yeah. I don't know. I was just taking it. It was like a snake bite. You must have won one. There GD folk crypt for it. No, no. What were you just doing? Yeah. I don't know. I was just taking it. It was like a snake bite.

You must have won one. There's a guy who keeps track. Yeah, you've won one before. I've only won once. Zach has like the lowest winning percentage of all time. It's weird. Yeah. It's weird.

He's like one of those Premier League teams where you're like, they're in the top of it. Okay. He picks well, but he just never wins rock, paper, scissors. Sean, what will the order of today's draft be? I'd love to tell you. Oh, God, that's right. I've grown tired of the 17 explanations. So have I.

Trust me, man. That came from a real place. That's the winner. I sell them out sometimes Do you want me to try? Do you want me to flip it? That's how a good tandem works You know like

Here's what's gonna happen If Stockton didn't pass the ball To the right place Malone knew he wasn't gonna do it And he'd go to the place It was gonna be That's right You're gonna nail it

Better than I ever have And I'm gonna feel bad about myself Yeah he is You're an idiot He's smart What the fuck Oh no Maybe it's more like You put a quarter in your machine

and you get a red peanut, a yellow peanut, a green peanut, and a blue one. And then you put another quarter in and you get a blue peanut, a green peanut. What machine? The peanut machine? That's what they used to call me back at community college. The peanut machine.

I remember. I remember hearing about you. Of a Portland before I knew you. You stammering idiot. I'm sorry, teacher. I can't hear you. The peanut machine's rapping over a YouTube video that already has rap lyrics on it.

Dude, put your phone away. Rap it over a music video that already has... Oh, that's funny. No, I'll do it. God damn it. You ball like a gorilla. Before you make that decision, I will remind you

it is a serpentine raft. What is that? Great question. I would love to know. It's like if you're skating a mini ramp, which is like a four foot half pipe.

You drop in, you go to one side and you do a 50-50 stall for like five or six feet and then you don't stall you go to one side and you do a 50, 50 stall for like five or six feet. And then I do it seven or eight, five or six feet. You do a 50, 50 grind for like five or six feet.

And then you drop back in, go back to the other side and you do like a five, Oh, grind for about five feet or so. And then you drop back in and then you're kind of warmed up. Cause you've done two tricks. So you do a backside disaster slide for about five feet. And then you go back to the other side.

You do. That is what you call diarrhea. Backside disaster slide. That's fucking diarrhea for sure. Then you do a pivot fakie for about five feet. Yeah, I do a pivot fakie when I do a backside disaster slide too. No, I was just looking at my phone. You hit the other side and then now you're going switch

because you did a pivot fakie. You do a switch frontside disaster slide. What do you guys think of front side disaster slide? That's when you pee diarrhea. Diarnea? What's going on in there, Sean? You go back and forth on a mini-reel. Front side disaster slide.

Shit's fucked up. I think Sean's shitting out of his dick. David, we're at church. Just brown cheese whiz. I'm sorry, guys. David, I don't call it that because we're at church. That's why I whispered, hey, we have to leave church. I'm doing a frontside disaster slide.

Hey, this frontside disaster slide is going to happen whether I like it or not, no matter where we are. So I'd like to be somewhere other than church. Yeah, that's why I have two gym memberships in case I have a backside disaster slide is going to happen whether I like it or not. No matter where we are. So I'd like to be somewhere other than church. Yeah, that's why I have two gym memberships in case I have a backside disaster slide. Well, basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. What would the order be, Sean?

Shane, David, Ian. Or Shane, David, me, Ian. Hot corner. Shane, David, Sean, Ian, which means Shane, you have the first pick, which we will get to right after this short break. this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a

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The only art that has ever been made. The single creative expression of humanity. This is how we will be remembered. It's all this, folks. Hopefully not specifically this episode, but this is the only art that's ever been made. So congratulations for being in on it.

I think this has been a really fun time so far. This podcast? The one where we've talked? Oh, no, it's been very fun. This particular podcast. But it's been weird. It's been weird. Yeah, it has been.

It's been a weird one. Yeah, the world needs weird sometimes. It's this guy right here. I'll tell you. That's who's done it. Pointing at Shane. Yeah, they know. Shane Torres.

They know. You guys like to pick on me. It's fine. Dolores Torres. I have a plan to finish you all. Brontosaurus Torres. David will be fine. Thanks, man.

What did I do? You know what you did. I've done nothing but give you shelter in my BME'd home. Sparkling waters, as many as you can drink. I brought over. I replenished the sparkling waters. I replenished the sparkling waters. I gave you. I bought you dinner last night. You did. I brought over. I replenished the sparkling waters. I gave you...

I bought you dinner last night. You did. I showed you. I rented Tombstone. That was $3.99. I'm not getting back. Do you rent it on iTunes movies? Amazon. Yeah, that guy needs more money. I assume Kurt Russell gets all of it.

I'm not going to look into that. Actually, just go throw it all on Wyatt Earth's grave. And just let it sit there. You could just give Val Kilmer four bucks. You probably could just give. Yeah. If I had a button in my house that was like, give Val Kilmer four bucks, I bet I'd hit it two or three times a month.

Yeah, I'd hit it more than you'd think. Yeah. Shane Torres. Yes. Things you wish you could do or were good at. Sweet sugar Shane. Keep singing it, baby. Sweet sugar Shane. Daddy shane keep singing it baby daddy wanna hear it daddy wanna hear it he's got a plan he's gonna be your man sweet sugar shane i'm coming for you sweet sugar shane okay for my first pick and the things we wish we could do

or we're good at something like that craft i put put i picked run and jump over something oh i like that oh yeah yeah who doesn't want to do that man like like sean's acting like he could hop a fence i know i can't it's just last time you tried to jump something you broke your foot didn't you sure yeah like yeah oh there's a scene that movie the vault you want to vault something right yeah like you know like um when you see like somebody's running in a movie and they come up to a chain link fence and they just put one hand on it what is that yeah over the fence yeah and they bring both legs in front of them before the rest of them clears it yeah that's so it's so cool looking i was gonna to use the word sexy if I did that

in front of a woman I think I would be getting laid oh yeah especially if everything else was about you was the same he's got that you could do it over the back of a couch this couch I wouldn't dress myself too none of us are clearing this

I used to do it when I was a kid a lot and I also feel like it would be such a surprise to people oh yeah yeah dude if you just like i don't know what's the time when you see a fat dude do a flip and you're like whoa yeah damn okay you remember that uh video that guy i think it was at lsu it was like an offensive lineman it was him jumping out of the shallow into a pool oh my god yeah i do remember that yeah so that gives me hope that maybe I could do a couch jump someday. Two to three weeks of this whole training, you're there. You think so? Yeah.

You think it's more about the form? I think leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, leg day, rest, leg day, and you're there. Okay, let's do it. I don't know, man. Those are different models. There's a confidence to it. There's a form. I'm strong enough to jump. I'm worried about the landing because all that stuff's got to come down on your joints. Oh, you I'm strong enough to jump. I'm worried about the landing.

Because all that stuff's got to come down. Oh, you're not worried about clearing it. You're worried about the land. I'm worried about coming down. Yeah. Would you do it with two hands or what? Well, oh, it would be one hand. Like, if we're using a.

Yeah, like you just do the hop. If it's a fence. It's hand on the fence. I'm running. Yeah. Full sprint. Right hand. Slaps top of the fence. Legs come. Yeah. Full sprint. Right hand slaps top of the fence.

Legs come over first. Right. And I kind of like doing almost like you do a roll when you land or you just know I like I'm still running. This is I'm in hot pursuit. Where are you running from or where are you running to? I'm running from a lot of things into hopefully a safe problem. I don't care as long as you love me.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I'll learn her name someday where you're from can we talk about that song what you did that's weird the what you did line is weird what song is this saying like i don't give a shit i don't you that's uh was it backstreet or insane i don't care who you are where you're from what you did what?

you hit my uncle Steve with the car so yeah no for some of us love is a real commitment and not just a few flirty texts okay I want to never mind sorry to lead you on I do care what you did I do care what you did

there's a difference between being willing to die for something and willing to kill for something I honestly care about who you are too I don't really care what you did. I do care what you did. There's a difference between being willing to die for something and willing to kill for something. I honestly care about who you are, too. I'll take the latter. I don't really care where you're from. No. But I do care who you are. I care what you did.

Because you should care what I did. You know where I like a girl to be from? Where? Ann Arbor, Michigan. Huh? Nice. That's part of Michigan. Anywhere but my own family bloodline would be suiting at this point.

I like my girls to, graduated from Michigan State. Not a great school. It's actually where I like. I like them, too. I'm a dumb idiot. It's the second, at best, the second best school in the University of Michigan public school system. That's all I've heard.

That's what I've heard. And that's just based on numbers. Okay. That's all I've heard. I'm just saying. Yeah, it's no Grand Valley State. No, sir. Idiot.

All right. That was my first pick. I just prefer Michigan State. I'm just saying. Yeah, it's no Grand Valley State. No, sir. Idiot. All right. That was my first pick, was running and jumping over to the left. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, I think it's fantastic. How much at the age of 35. Eight. I would love to be able to do that. And how little confidence I have in myself to be able to pull it off over even a moderately high thing.

Two steps. Taking two steps at a time can often be something I don't want to do. I'm really shooting for this guy. When that big old Canuck came and picked you up. That was crazy. I giggled like a schoolgirl. You were one of my listeners. I forget that guy's name, but shout out to you, dude. Big boy.

Big boy. Big central Canadian. On the cover of a jar of syrup type looking dude. You buy syrup by the jar? I buy it by the barrel, Playboy. Who is this? I put it in jars if I'm going on a trip. Sprinkle it on my head.

What do you think gets it up right? What do you think gets it up right? That guy was like, he was so big there'd be like a jangly song about him. You know what I mean? Like, well Pierre was a mountain man big and strong. Went to a show to have a great time great time picked up a guy easy as pie lifted him in the air 10 feet high went home made himself a little bit of cherry wine strong as an ox and twice as dumb uh no he

seems smart yeah yeah he really does actually yeah that's what i get he was like the nicest he was such a sweetheart i think they offered us weed brownies, but that was towards the end of the tour, so it was like, I can't tonight. Yeah, running and jumping over something. Great pick. It's time for an also good pick from David Borey. Hey, so at this point, David's mic cut out just a bit.

So SPM boost, any missing David clips from one of the other mics, that's why it's SPM. Sorry about that. You are a super producer, Marissa. Oh, man. That's very funny. I'd actually love it if you left all this in, Marissa, please, because, you know, it's charming, hopefully. So at this point, David's mic cut out a little bit. So super producer Marissa is going to boost David's clips from one of our other mics.

And it's going to might sound a little hissy or weird. And that'll actually happen maybe a few times throughout the episode just because the mic was cutting out a little bit eventually David and I switched mics and I was kind of watching it the whole time and trying to monitor it so may or may not cut out here and there we still got an episode out of it you still should be just fine so please uh bear with us it's just you, you know, we would rerecord it, but we cannot in this time. So, yeah. I don't know what it is, but I got to go with my heart. I've talked about this on the podcast before.

Yeah. It's something that I think I've gotten better at, but I'm not very good at it still. Touch it. Touch it. Touching people. Like, there's an art to it and a skill to it and doing it and making people feel comfortable. Yeah. And I kind of don't have it.

Like, unless I really know you really well, any time I've ever touched you has been totally forced out of, like, the way I think I'm supposed to. You are recognizing you're doing it and it does not feel natural. Yeah. Yeah. But you see some people, you never meet somebody who will just, like, hit you on the arm when they touch. I'm pretty good at touching. Just to make you feel like a person. To make you feel like a person.

Well, I notice myself like when, and Zach will do it too, like when we're all laughing or something and I'm laughing really hard, I'll like lean in and like put my hand on someone's shoulder as I have to say like, this is fun. Like, let's connect. There's like a physical thing where I'm like, it's more fun if I'm touching. Like touching like here it is here's me letting you know i'm so at ease right now this is very funny it's like i think it's really important yeah i think it's like really it's an interest it's an interesting thing like you have to go like you have to be confident this is such a weird thing to say but if you're going to touch another person you have to be confident about doing it

because if you're second guessing while you're doing it then you're gonna pull up and that's when you do like that weird like you'll see in pictures guys where they're doing the arm hover behind like a woman yeah you know they're like my arm's behind you but i'm not touching you basically david who's better at touching people yeah i just want to touch people but yeah comfortably did we take that before i don't think so but i've talked about it before. Touching? Because it's in my head a lot. I'm really bad at shaking hands. Yeah, all that stuff. I'm always doing the wrong one that somebody is like.

I don't know because I'm always told. They're like, come on, man. You got to do. If I'm going for a shake and then somebody makes a move. Yeah. I'm like, oh, no, here we go or like even like hugging people like a real meaningful and I don't know why they're right

and I'm wrong for just doing a regular you can feel it like have you ever had somebody hug you like they mean and they like can we pause for a second where were you just now? Did you go to the gym?

No, I went to a parking structure and just ran the stairs. Okay, cool, cool, cool. You're not going? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was solid. I would never say that. Are you fucking kidding me? Again, I would love to run and jump over things.

Nobody was chasing you or anything. You were just talking like, is Zach still going to the gym and all this shit? This is crazy. I went on Friday. Yeah. For the last, what, two days I haven't. Yeah.

But still, you know, getting it in. Getting it in. Well, since I'm going to be here, I'll go run stairs with you. You don't have to lie to us. I'm going to do it. This is a time for self-improvement. Anyway, Zach's back in the crib.

Yeah, we missed you, buddy. Yeah, go up to Portland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said we leave all that in. I said we leave it in, too. Yeah, fuck it. As long as the mic can pick it up. I went and ran stairs in a parking structure.

Jesus. Sean, are the mics picking this up? They're picking up everybody except David, I swear to God. But all the rest are working. Anyway, we've been having various technical difficulties. Probably the least of the problems in the world right now. Touching people, being better at that. Sean, time for your first pick.

My first pick in the I wish I was good at it thing would be cooking. Cooking. I don't know why I thought you were going to say Crippin. I'm already good at it, bro. What are you talking about? To be able to cook would just be so fun instead of just being able to go throw something in the microwave. And I know it's pretty easy to...

I don't want to be a dick. It's not easy to learn. It is easy to learn. It's something that I wish I cared more about. Yeah, you just wrap things in tortillas. Oh, did you ever? But did you ever, like growing up, you never had to cook for yourself or anything?

No, not really. I mean, it'd be like microwave stuff. But I honestly didn't know how to do like a frozen pizza until I was well into middle school. Oh, that's not that bad. But the problem is it hasn't progressed much since then for him. Can you like, can you use a grill? Can you grill a steak?

I can, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I can grill a steak. I don't know how great it's going to be. Nah. But I can get it done. I will say that I'm bad at, I bet you I'm bad at lighting a grill.

I bet you I'm bad at figuring the whole thing out. If it was here, all four of you would. Could you make an omelet? I can make it. That's like, cheat, i feel like you know me too well because that's asking yeah that's like the one thing that i'm actually kind of good at yeah he's making an omelet yeah yeah i can get an omelet done there you go so that's the thing it's a base level you understand some basic tenets of it it's heat good ingredients put some peppers in there yeah uh put a jalapeno in there and cook those separately yeah in there. Some cube hams.

And the best thing about an omelet, if you fuck it up, uh-oh, scrambled eggs. It's a scramble all of a sudden. It's a very versatile breakfast. What's something you'd love to be able to cook? I'd like to be able to cook like a really good pasta or something.

Like a bolognese. Just something that would like... It's water. You boil it. Come on, man. No, I'm not letting him off of shit. You know what? Here's a solution. Give me the mic.

Give me this mic. We'll trade. Well, I think so because I have an eye on it. Now that I can see it. this one says sean on it i guess you'll be making dumb pics all the time now or that i'm going on yeah is your microphone working now mine is working now i'm just going to keep an eye on it for the rest of the time because you're working contact with the rest of you but anyway yeah i uh i'd like to be able to cook i think it'd be great so nice pasta you could make that pretty easy yeah yeah i think you're just not trying yeah that's what it is i don't try as much as i should or i think i think vince lombardi said that first i think you could like

that's easy that you just boil the water yeah you put the pasta in the water for a little while yeah you can kind of check in on it every now and then see how the noodles are doing yeah but i just want and then i don't just want to go throw like fettuccine sauce on it or something or you could do you know what you can do oh my god tremendous tremendous for new ones you know what i like to do you throw some pesto on there and then you kind of pan fry some shrimp. Well, David, I'm not a... Maybe cut up some little Roma tomato. David, I'm not a seafoodman, as it were. Oh, that's right. You do hate seafood.

Especially now that you're going to be in. Go to the store. You can get some pasta. You know what's nice? What's nice? You get that pasta that's not dry. You get it in the refrigerated section. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, they cook faster, too. Make a pasta dish. I challenge you. I'll do it in the next month. I know there's a bunch of pasta. I'm going to run and jump over something. I'm going to touch everybody.

You don't do it. We're going to put a pause on that one. You can practice on me. Practice touching on me. I like right here. Start with the. Touching me. I believe in a thing called love

Just listen to the rhythm of my heart That fits in perfectly to my next pick My first pick the impetus of what we Chose this topic for I'm just gonna take it cause it's out there I wish I could fucking sing beautifully You're watching Adele YouTube videos Cause we were talking about how I love that Adele song

Because like in non sexually I feel like I've been talking about wieners a lot but like when she hits that note I feel it in my dick it's in the base of your penis you know sometimes you can feel everything sometimes when somebody's like makes a fart I feel everything all the time

you know when you're just like yeah it's amazing that singing does that it makes you think like it hits you in the liver the like the lizard part of your brain and i'm like why is my most basic hardware set up to be affected by beauty which is an interesting thing and probably why humans pursue art yeah for sure what it provokes out of you yeah i mean that you have no can you have no control over it but why that's what yeah that is right like why does it affect why it's just like hearing something at a certain note like like

that another human can do that makes you so effective like whitney's whitney houston's voice makes me want to cry yeah like like that's how i that's how i feel like it's like really crazy i would i'd just walk into a restaurant singing beautifully every now and then oh yeah because everybody because you're helping everybody. You'd be the most annoying person. When people don't expect it to and you just start wailing. You'd be fucking working barbacks

and fucking deal with it. You know who's really annoying, though? I'll have the calamari. Calamari. Extra lemon juice. You know who sings too much, though, is people who can barely sing. Yeah, that's 100% right. That's a good point.

People who can barely sing. That would be just like, okay, yeah, I get it, Karen. I'd rather have my voice than be someone who could barely sing. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather have like an oddly sneaky fun voice. I got a fun voice. Yeah. Which is good, but it's big and bellowy.

It's big and bellowy, which is like a fun voice to have. It's rich. Thank you very much. You got a rich voice. Which is good, but it's big and bellowy. It's big and bellowy, which is like a fun voice to have. It's rich. Thank you very much. Rich homie carbs, dude. They think it's about the money. It's not. It's about the singing voice. Shane, will you sing a little bit for us in light of the world events?

He never will do it. I'm a shy boy. What if this is never going to happen again? David, don't say that. I'm not singing them. All right. Not in the mood for it. I'm going to sing and we're going to say again? David, don't say that. I'm not singing them. All right, well. Not in the mood for it. I'm going to sing and we're going to say it was you.

Okay, do it. Why do you build me up? Buttercup baby just to let me down. You mess me around and then worst of all. Worst of all. You never call baby when you say you will. Say you will. But I love you still.

I need you. I need you. Why do everything bagels cost the same as other bagels? Don't make sense. There should be more. They got everything. Hit the big note. Why do everything bagels cost the same, baby?

Hit the big note. It's just nice to be here in person and get made fun of to my face the same, baby. It's a big note. It's just nice to be here in person and get made fun of to my face. Yeah, well, trust me, it feels good to do it to your face. Yeah, it feels way more fun making fun of you when you're here. I'm having all these knives in my back, you sneaky fuck. It doesn't really matter because everything I'm saying

is going to be cut out anyways because this microphone's barely working. Does it keep cutting out? Nah, we're getting there. I'm sure Marissa's going to be thrilled about it. She's going to be so mad. at least she knows that we're addressing it we can edit around it if we have to but it's fun just to let people are we gonna be able to edit yeah i've been i've been keeping an eye on it nothing i've said is that important anyways so sean you can go through later and overdub your parts yeah who knows charge it to the head gum we'll fix it we'll fix it was my first one

okay and my next one i think is going to be i would really like to be able to uh fix cars damn it i love that fucker yeah dude god i wish i wish i could just like i wish that i could confidently be like pop the hood yeah yeah yeah cars starting pop the hood let me see you know what's worse is when you do that and then you're like i don't know like yeah that would be such a power saving and then i'm like this time when they pop the hood if i don't look in there and it's like well there's your problem it's just a monkey turning a crank you need an engine in this car there's an animal in there for crime and there would have to be such an obvious thing oh it's made out of Legos you bought a Lego car

here's the problem this is bicycle it's supposed to be the asshole over here but this thing's made out of paper mache I don't know a lot about cars but I don't think they should be shooting fluid everywhere it's full of cotton candy instead of a motor you got a friggin birthday cake in here bro I don't know where you're driving to

this is the still beating heart of a horse alright so you're gonna want a birthday cake in here bro i don't know how you're gonna draw where you're driving to still beating heart of a horse all right so you're gonna want to get that taken care of working on cars would be oh it'd be so fun to be able to do it's good to feel useful everybody needs a guy like like imagine when like when my car died if we could have popped the hood and been like oh shit you got do you have a paper clip i mean that's it no i don't think i think that you were past board. Yeah, I think. That thing was bleeding out. I think all the leaky brown sort of diarrhea-looking stuff

coming out of it was probably. Oh, backslide, darkslide, or whatever. Tailslide disaster. My car did a backside disaster slide right by the podcast studio. Then I did a frontside disaster slide because I was upset. What is your peak of car knowledge?

Like, what do you think? Yeah, what's the most you've ever done? I've jumped a car. What is your peak of car knowledge? Like, what do you think? What's the most you've ever done? I've jumped a car before. Carnal knowledge or car knowledge? Carmel knowledge. Carmel knowledge. I know a lot about you. It's carmel knowledge.

Oh, yeah. Name one thing about me, bro. You're Jewish. 100%. Yeah, I knew that. I haven't had to sneak that. Have you ever... You got a dope fleece.

Thank you very much. AJ. AJ. You want an Emmy? Yep. Is there? Are we really playing this game right now? I'm just saying shit about him until he stops me.

Give me my roses while I'm here. The peak of my car knowledge. I know how to change tires and I can jump a car battery. Have you ever changed out anything in a car or help somebody no man i changed out a water pump and an alternator in my really in my 1990 mercury grand marquee damn but i did it with so it was like me and my friend rye rye so rye rye like knew how to do it but he was like rye rye the car guy oh i never thought about calling him that yeah dude rye rye the car guy sure yeah okay yeah car guy rye him that. Yeah, dude. Rye Rye the car guy, sure. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Car guy Rye Rye. But I still wouldn't like, I couldn't do it right now. It was like I was with him. Yeah. Yeah. You need a Jedi Master. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Buick Rye-gle. You got a Buick Rye-gle? I'm saying Rye Rye. Rye-gle. Rye-gle. Okay. Yeah.

Another hot one. I'll just stick to the ones and twos. Did the microphone cut out on that one or did something bad happen if I haven't said if there's anything that didn't go over Marissa just shit the mic yeah man that was even one that my mom straight up tried to tell me

she's like take an auto body class like just please just do it and I was like fuck that my mom straight up tried to tell me. She's like, take an auto body class. Just please do it. I was like, fuck that. I'm taking tech ed. We didn't have it. We didn't have auto shop either. You guys didn't have auto? Really? No. In high school,

if you wanted to do that kind of thing, you could go to a technical school in Aurora. it's called so everybody who was into that kind of thing they'd go to pickings like there should be more thursdays for four hours there should be more of that like hell yeah i should trade like i learned nothing in high school that i took afterward you know what i mean my god i wish they had taught me

a trade in school it would have been so it would have been nice just the base like if i could have just learned how to weld instead of fucking you know taking sports and fitness again we took sports officiating was a class i had like anybody thought i was going to be a referee or an official referee yeah a lot of people who want to play sports end up in there damn dude, dude. Shane just cut me deep. Too bad his mic cut out. I'm kidding. It didn't. Fixing a car. I know nothing about it. I know nothing. I know nothing. It was opening a mystery and nothing else. You ever see

those when you see a hood popped and you just want to pull over and be like, tell me what's going on in your car. I dare you to tell me what's actually happening because you know, they don't know. No, that's not right. A lot of people know how to work on cars. Let me feel how I feel to david let me feel how i feel let me embrace my how you feel about this second pick uh i want to be able to shred guitar wow yeah dude i mean i would there's nothing i'd like more than just to hook up an amp and never hear a word that any three of you say ever again i'm just

shred guitar in the living room i'm so thankful that you didn't say you wanted to do an acoustic. Oh no, I want to wail. I want to take it out front and by the time I'm done there's a crowd. They're crying, but they're all also doing blow. Those two go together more than you'd think. I bet you would make the dumbest faces soloing a guitar.

Oh yeah. Or just like your lips. You're m just like, you're just like, like your lips, like you're picking your mouth. You're mouthing what you're doing. Do you think if my bucket head wears a bucket on his head? Because he just made

really dumb guitar faces and he's like, I gotta wear a helmet or something. That would be the way to get away with it. Yeah. Or everyone from Slipknot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I would do a lot of straight face. I think I would like stare at someone. Oh, like rose and just fucking like just like yeah just looking at one person like a hard-ass basketball dunker or like uh i do this like damien at the in the playoffs last year like yeah that'd be my face just like you grow your hair out huh would you grow your hair out oh yeah yes there's a lot of shit i Oh, yeah. Yes. There's a lot of shit I'd do.

If I could train and have a haircut. What are some other things you would do? How would you dress? Yeah, what else? What are the other things? Would you dress different? Yeah, I'd dress weird. I'd probably have one of those motorcycles from like World War II.

Yeah. Like the Brad Pitt and Benjamin Button motorcycles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have one of those. A leather bomber. Yeah. I would wear shit that I'd like to wear now, but I just don't think I could do, and I'd wear it on stage. No, say more of the shit you'd like to wear

that you don't think you could. I would have tattoos. I'd have a bunch of tattoos. I'm so curious. What would be the tattoo? Here's the thing, when they're just showing us a close-up of the guitar being played, what does it say on your knuckles when it's just your hand sliding

across the guitar neck situation i'm a i'm a nine fingered guitar player and it says fuck shane on my my fingers dude right on my knuckles i don't really like that you only have eight f-u-c-k-s-h-a-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-e-n-e-n-e-e-n-e-n-e-e-n-e-n-e-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e-n-e I play guitar with my thumb. Yeah, dude, I get shit done. No, I'd have tattoos. I'd be like your textbook-ass guitar player, and I'd just shred. Your bandana would be back in your life. I'll tell you that. I'll tell you what I'd do is I'd play a lot of free shows.

No jewelry. Oh, come on. You're having some kind of jewelry. You can shred a guitar, and you have no jewelry? No jewelry. So you're the first guy. I bet you have like a dumb Native American necklace. Not even like a ring or something? I think you'd have some jewelry, and I'm sorry to disagree with you on this one thing.

I think you'd have toe rings. Loathe jewelry. I think you'd not loathe it if you could try guitar. What about a bracelet? I think you'd have some chains, dude. What about like a rope bracelet or something? Nothing. Maybe a wedding ring.

One feather earring. No. No, man. I couldn't do it. I'd feel weird with jewelry. I don't like it. I don't like it on my person. I would wear one feather earring if I could play guitar kind of good.

We should get AF earrings like it on my person. I would wear one feather earring if I could play guitar kind of good. We should get AFE rings like all the like Vice did. Everybody got a gold Vice ring versus AFE. Yeah. Hey, I'm in, dude. Sign me up, bro. Anyway, I'd shred guitar.

It's always something I've wanted to do. I do like that. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, shredding guitar, bro. What kind of shoes would you wear? Boots. Loafers? Brown, black? I'd have a lot of... You're not going to have as many Nikes as you do.

I would have weirder facial hair, I bet. I would make some bold facial hair choices. Like the Ludacris chops? I don't know what I'd do. I'd do some weird shit with my facial hair. Curly mustache? Probably. I'd do some weird shit.

Diet black? There'd be phases of me. No, I don't know what i do i do some weird curly mustache probably i do some weird shit dyed black there'd be phases of me uh no i don't think i'd die if anything i'd dye my hair but i would i guess who am i to say in my later years yeah i'd probably die a lot of stuff this is so you have one song that's like very famous right i'm painting a scenario well no guitar player has a what are you doing the let me finish thing i'm surprised i haven't heard it since the whole time i've seen you. So, yeah. Thanks for keeping it this long. All right. And like, you're like, you guys might know this one.

And then they all go nuts. Oh, yeah. What do you what's the name of the song? That you're going to play? Like in the concert. Yeah. Yeah. You guys might know this one.

Oh, like that starts like this one. Changed my life. And I can't thank you guys enough. It's called. Train to nowhere. Jail. Train to nowhere thank you guys enough. It's called Train to Nowhere. Train to Nowhere is pretty good. Yeah, Train to Nowhere is pretty good. There's people that start crying right when they hear me say train.

There's just a bunch of white fists like this. I'm on a train. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To nowhere. Kill me, Sean. Yeah, man. Holy buckets. We can see that happening, right? Yeah, I can., yeah, to nowhere. Do me, Sean. Yeah, man. Holy buckets. We can see that happening, right?

Yeah, I could. I saw it happen. I felt that happen. I think now we have to start a band and release that song. All right. That was awesome. David, time for your second pick. My second pick is going to be, in the musical vein with all of you guys, I would like to be able to DJ with vinyl.

I like that. I think it would be, especially these days, I think it would just be a cool... I guess I could learn. I'm also half-deaf, though, so I don't think that... I think you should get into it, because it's all good for us to have a thing that's creative that we're not doing for other people.

But here's what I'm saying exactly. Well, that's your comedy. So beat matching, I think, would be... I'm just trying to be a dick for a second. Okay. I didn't mean... I wasn't trying to cut you off like Sean. Please go ahead.

Like in one ear, you have limited hearing? Yeah, I can't really hear out of my right ear at all. So I think beat matching would be really difficult. It might be tough. You'd have to have all left ear, right? Yeah, but then I... Because you need two ears. You need to be listening to the next song in one ear and then listening to the current song with your other ear just yeah to sync it up is

that why there's always like the headphone that's why i have one ear on the head i never knew why i honestly thought it was to look cool no they're queuing up the next song they're matching the because that's like because there is like a an art to it and i i think it's a really interesting neat thing that i think has gone away and i i think it's cool i think i would really enjoy the process of like finding new records and stuff i think the whole thing every time i've gotten to dj like a part whether it was like that faded one or like i love watching you or the uh uh like high plains or bridge high plains or bridge town it's so fun yeah it's so much fun and like and like that's what i want i want to be able to do that but then i just like the idea of like with i don't know the turntables it feels

like more like an instrument to me yeah yeah like and like there's like a skill to it you know what i mean and like they have like i mean they have the cd player ones where you can or they simulate you they look like two desks that you can hook up yeah and i'm not even talking for like scratching purposes i'm just talking about just straight djing like or like you know because it's all about the switch right yeah yeah but then also like maybe like loop the break of a song for a long time you know what i mean and start a soul train line and it's i just yeah i think it would be and i i i don't know man the idea of djing back when people had records it's so interesting to me.

Like, that was like, the cool thing was like, what records you could find? Like, that was what was wavy. You know what I mean? When they had to like, go look for records and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've like, got a good find. And I think it really pushed everything in like, interesting directions. So yeah, I always thought that would be a really cool thing to be able to do.

God, it would just be this. What? What would your name be? I don't know. I don't even, I never even got would be a really cool thing to be able to do. God, it would just be. What? What would your name be? I don't know. I don't even. I never even got that. DJ Sarr. No, I don't think.

I don't know. DJ Bubble Bath is fun. That's your name, though. DJ Bath. Right. No, I don't even know. DJ BJ. But when it comes back to you, I'd like to know a name. I'll let you know.

If it's not already taken, I'd be DJ Party Snacks. DJ Off-Brand Chex Mix DJ Off-Brand Chex Mix. Off-Brand Chex Mix. DJ Connor? Off-Brand Chex Mix in the house. Ooh, Off-Brand Chex Mix? No thanks. That's your drop, dude. Chex Mix made another one.

The rye chips taste weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, weird. No, they taste really good. An Off-Brand Chex Mix? I love rye chips. I don. No, they taste really good. An off-brand Chex Mix? I love rye chips. I don't know if I've ever had an off-brand Chex Mix. Well, look at who came for money after all. Tell that to the apartments I grew up in. I won.

All right. All right, fine. I fucked that up. Used to that, bro. I was raised quite comfortably. It shows with this fleece I'm wearing. Which is dope, by the way. Thank you.

AJ. Mm-hmm. Did she listen? Mm-hmm. I'm sorry, AJ. No. It's too late. No.

I like it. Thank you. Yeah, I almost bought the same fleece. See? Yeah, I think it looks real. People gotta know. People gotta real. People got to know. People got to know. Since they want to know.

I feel like if I put that, if I walked in here with that on, you guys would be like, well, we're going to talk about this right now. I don't think so. I would love it if you made that move. It's the perfect level of bold. Yeah. It's not too much, but it's a... Me and you make the least moves.

It's redlining. Me and you don't make moves. These two redlining. Me and you don't make moves. These two make moves. Sauce. They're making them right now. We make moves? Yeah, with the shorts and the fleece. Shane and I have on gray and blue.

I got on gray and blue. Yeah, but you also have... We have paddles on your shorts, which Sean thought were wine flutes. Yeah. He doesn't know I'm nautical. That's okay. Yeah, he's fine.

International law is nautical, my friends. I'm out here. Saucin', dude. Yeah. Saucin'. I like nautical. That's okay. International waters. Nautical. I'm out here. Saucin, dude. Saucin. I like it. Shine. Shine. For my second pick, this is going to be... This is a weird one,

but I would love to crowd surf. I'd love to be good at crowd surfing. Wait, I'd like... You'd like to be good at crowd surfing. Yeah, I think... I don't think I've ever could be good at crowd surfing. Wait, you'd like to be good at crowd surfing? Yeah. I don't think I ever could be bad at it. Something you'd like to do? Something you'd like to be good at?

He'd like to do what he'd be good at. He'd like to crowd surf. There are some people who nail crowd surfing. There are some people who seem like they're standing straight up half the time. We were there the night that Marissa first crowd surfed. Oh, yeah. The pup show? Shout out to pup.

Shout out to pup. Shout out to Marissa. She was so fucking pumped. She was pupped, as it were. Yeah. Shout out to Pup. She was so fucking pumped. She was pupped, as it were. She was pupped up. Yeah, keep going. Pupped up the jam she did. No, I didn't say keep it going.

I don't think anybody... We were pretty thankful for the distance. Maybe not have another three in the afternoon drink. Well, now I'm on the ones and twos over here, so now I'm paying attention. I'm on the ones and twos over here. So now I'm paying attention. I'm on the ones and twos. You're shredding guitar.

DJ Bubble Bath over there on the ones and twos while I shred guitar. Shane, you're crowd surfing at the show? Yeah. I think I would feel so elated to just be like pointing at a singer. They're like, this this song and I'm like it does look pretty cool that must feel so good because everybody who crowd surfs

looks dirty and sexy at the same time but like if you're in a band and people are crowd surfing I must feel fucking rad maybe it's because I'm not a person who gets taken over by energy a lot and that would be that seems like the kind of emotion steve from pup let us know uh what it feels like to have

people fucking crowd surfing at your shows yeah please we would love to know because it looks great we would love to fuck i would bet dollars to donuts that we could get someone to crowd surf at a live afi i bet we could do that yeah yeah i'm sure like after the show be like all right we're gonna close this out everybody kick the chairs aside or like that place in chicago where they were all standing up anyways yeah we could cross oh yeah we could have easily done that well i think we should get it done by this point the shows will either have happened or not, but regardless, when they're rescheduled... I think we know.

They did not happen. They did not happen. When we reschedule them... Ian talked to his agent on a Sunday, all right? The work's getting done. On a friggin' Sunday, bro. Friggin' Sunday, bro. On a Sunday.

So crowd surfing is my second. I love it. That's a great pick. My third pick... This is going to be weird. I would like to... things I wish I could do would be accost people with service animals really?

what? fake people like fake service animals sometimes you do want to be like I know that you can fly I'm not talking about a guy with a dog who can't see I'm talking about somebody who can't deal without their accessory. Right.

Like, hey, you don't need the horse. Yeah. Yeah. Like I see that on Twitter. Someone had a horse in first class. Oh, yeah. Pretty buck. Oh, yeah.

Pretty dank. Pretty buck. It's not even cool. I wouldn't put a dank. It feels like it feels so dank. Pretty dank. Having a horse on the plane to me. If I were.

I walked. I swear to God. If I walked by and it didn't affect me at all, I would be like, that's tight. There's a horse on the plane to me if i were if i walked i i swear to god it didn't affect me at all i would be like that's tight i would horse on the plane i would not what are we doing what are we doing to that horse first of all there's the buck it feels selfish it is completely selfish and there is so no that person can also just take a pill and pass out like the amount of like on a flight that's that's fucking so unfair and insane i hate seeing dogs at grocery stores and restaurants i just i've been on the record

about this for a long time our restaurants blow my mind unless you like need it like if you're if you're if you're at a site challenge you're at a brewery outside i can handle it part of the fun yeah yeah yeah there's a dog outside tight but i'm like walking through the produce section there's like a dog. I'm like, you know your dog. We don't know your dog. What the fuck are you doing? I want salivated on apples all of a sudden.

Yeah. You know, I'm getting apples pretty heavy. Yeah, so I wish I could shake people who have pets on planes and other places. I don't believe they need them. Yeah, violent tourists. I don't like it. And it's really shitty. Because it's not true most of the time.

Yeah, it's abusing a system. Yeah, and't oh god i hate it i wish i could right yeah you don't know i don't want to send you in a spotlight especially when you're like when you're on a flight you see there's a standby list and you're like so somebody's not gonna get home because you have a dog do they do they take up they take up i mean do yeah you gotta put them on a horse took up two first class seats why did the horse what that can't be the most effective way right didn't it take up two first class seats i think so i think the person was in one and the horse was like standing where the other one was okay something like that i don't know i just think it's an insane thing to do also people bring big ass dogs on the planes whether you're clearly just trying to like

get your dog somewhere for cheaper and it's just like i don't know man it just sucks you got the dog we have to deal with the burden of your dog but don't get any fun of it board it or don't go on your trip or drive dude yeah like there are solutions that like it's just so shitty yeah it's a very selfish thing shane torres man hot takes i love it spicy i think more and more people i think like nine it's one of those Yeah. It's a very selfish thing. Shane Torres, man. Hot takes. I love it. It's spicy in the liver. I think more and more people. I think like 90, it's one of those things where it's like universal healthcare, harder access to gun control, where like most people are like, you know, feel the same way about it.

Yeah. But for some reason, it's just still fucking happening all over the place. Yep. All these fucking dogs. I like dogs in general. Dogs rule. I heard you wanted to fight one. Dogs rule. Cats rule. I like people too. I'll fight one of them.

What? I said dogs rule. Cats drool. No, that's not true. Dogs literally drool. Yeah, I love cats too. Yeah, cats don't really drool. No, they don't. I'm not a cat person. I'm not a cat person. You're not? Me either. I could be... I don't... Emotional distance. I don't need it in my home. I like a cat person you're not me either i could be i i don't emotional distance i i don't need it in my home i like a cat a lot but i like a dog more i don't like what comes with cats which is a

cat shit smell in your apartment i also don't really want to own any animal to be completely i'm not in a place where i can have an animal right now no i mean i just don't like you know probably just that's my point you can't get in it you can't care for an animal yeah so you're not getting one right exactly these people are not making they're getting an animal and they're not making the tough choices to care for we're just like i have to go see my mom well then you put your dog in a fucking down or you have somebody or you like you have somebody watching you do something yeah like you don't just fucking get to save 50 bucks or whatever. It just fucking sickens me.

I'm with you, bro. I'm with you. Or there should be a different flight you have to take. All dogs. The animal flight? That does make way more sense. If you want on Expedia or whatever

and you're like, yeah, I'm bringing a dog and they're like, whole new list of options. All of these people are bringing dogs. Here's what you have to go through now. Yeah, because it's like, people have allergies and shit. People with allergies who are in a closed cabin. Yeah.

That's my pick. Good pick. Cost people a service. That was your second or third? Third. David, what was your third pick it's my third american pick i would like to be a master carpenter yes yes yes like just like the kind of guy so i used to i used to that's sexy yeah it is sexy shout out to big doug haynes who i used to

work with him and he would teach me stuff and stuff like that but this dude could just like he could do anything the carpet yeah like you you like in his house he was like oh i don't want an entertainment center so he built an entertainment center with like a bookshelf and shit into the wall because he could just do that sick he could do he could do everything in construction he could just do it that's so rad you know what i mean like if you oh i oh you want me to put, yeah, I could put a wallet over here. We just knock shit like that. I think it's like, I think it would be just so good to know, man.

My friend told me she dated a carpenter once and one of her big problems in her tiny apartment was that she didn't have enough places for her pots and pans. Yeah. So she was at work one day and he just came in and built like a whole shelf. God. And just saw, like, gave her a gift. Tell me she's not just thrilled just saw like just thrilled yeah yeah like he got mad late after that i'm sure yeah wouldn't you love to be able to do that for people love or be like oh sean's getting married here i made you guys matching chairs what are your weddings really

i made you two really nice chairs you know what i I mean? Well, I built an altar. I believe you would call it a chuppah. Yeah. It would be so fucking rad. It would be. Carpentry would be amazing. And it used to be a thing that a lot of people knew how to do. And now people don't really know how to do it. False Messiah Jesus Christ himself.

Excuse me. That's right. In Meet the Parents, that's such a good scene where he goes, how'd you get into carpentering yeah carpentry yeah man carpentry uh that would be so fun what would be your specialty oh that's i think i would like to do remodel stuff like the idea of what like what i was saying about big doug doing or like uh coming like just like oh man i see that you're in the house oh zach you need a plate bam i make exactly an exercise station yeah you know what i

mean just like see a need i can do pull-ups using this wall yeah yeah yeah yeah i would i would love to be able to do make a bed i'd like to make making furniture would be great like it like all would be like it would all I mean, this chair right here, Johnny McKay. Refurbished it. Yeah. But still, Johnny McKay refurbished it. Love to carve a wooden spoon, a bunch of wooden spoons.

Yeah, anything really. Just, yeah, working with wood I think would be... I've always thought, I wished I knew more about that. I used to hang out in this tool room a lot. Go on. They called you and all your friends hanging out yeah it was a really weird time but like i used to hang in the tool room and all these dudes just would be in there who just had jobs where they built shit and like yeah i one summer i spent like just building fences for all these

condos and when i'm in denver I'll still drive past those and be like, yeah, I built those. It's pretty tight. That's fucking rad. There is something about it. They're still there. I remember that. I did that.

There's something about completing something from the ground up like that. Yeah, it's so cool. The most satisfying feeling you can have, for sure. Yeah, it'd be super sick. You feel like your shoulders are shredded after? Yeah, yeah. It's just like a good feeling. I'd be thrilled about it, I tell you.

Chandra Dawson, your third pick? I'm going to pick studying. What? I wish that I was good at studying. And this is something that I wish I, you know, when studying mattered. But I really wish that I would have been better at studying. Yeah. How did you study?

No, I get that. I just didn't. I don't know how to study either. I never developed study habits. Like I never, I just kind of always assumed I'd scrape by and I did. Yeah. And then there's always,

it's been like, I learned a lot of like, you just go out and you learn it. Like there was no methodology to it. Really? Like I don't sit and I don't like, I just took the driving test in Oregon. Like I was supposed to study for it.

I didn't, I was like, I'll just pass it. And I did, but that's just been everything in my life like school and everything i was just like i wish i'm very happy to know that you're no because it takes the responsibility of driving a motor vehicle very seriously you're right though because it's like then when you want to go to like research something as an adult and you don't even know how sometimes i'll look at the internet and i'll just like pass googling yeah what is like it's real you know what i mean that's just googling literally what i'm looking at i don't really know how to do it that well i get i get you i mean there's a whole bunch of stuff like it it plays into so many like i have

facts i'll tell laura something and she'll be like where'd you how do you know that i'm like i didn't look it up i just like heard somebody say it or something yeah and uh she'd be like where'd you how do you know that I'm like I didn't look it up I just like heard somebody say it or something yeah and she'd be like and then she'll just go dive in a little bit and she goes well it's kind of true what you said yeah I'm like if I I guess if I was good at if you don't use it you won't necessarily lose it right like yeah I mean just but

I feel like asking the question after you learn what the subject like what you're trying to tackle is a big part of boiling it down to like studying and just when i was in school i never ever did it and i feel like that has bled into the rest i never i never did like heavily and studying for tests or whatever i just never other than like reading what you were supposed to read i don't have any that was kind of study reading it maybe taking some notes i don't i don't really take notes yeah knowing how to take notes was a real big issue i would just copy the passages from one piece of paper we were talking

about this the other day so do you like the greek the roman numerology here's the topic here's some main takeaways from it i remember i remember learning that structure but no you can tell i do list now in my notebooks like my my joke notebooks i think that i know like i'll put a bullet point and then it's just nonsense i mean it's just all scrapes and scribbles and barely words they don't make any sense unless you are me like somebody else looking at it would just be like you are me hammer we were talking about this when uh so in school now do they do kids still take notes or do the teachers just email them i think they probably take. Do they sit and write like with a pen and paper and take notes in a notebook still? I hope so. I don't know. I was wondering that.

I don't know. It would feel like weird to do now with the teacher being like, I already have all the notes. Taking notes is a skill. It is? Yeah. Right. A skill that I never developed. Right. You can't be an artist in many

things yeah you can't just send them the notes that's like yeah that's like a grade your own test my buddy is uh my buddy is a substitute teacher he said it's hard in school because all the kids have iphones they just google everything i bet i mean like he said he'll give him a worksheet or something but like I need to sit there and google it all yeah yeah yeah I mean it'd be hard to be a teacher right now shout out to the teachers

with all the vapes and the hand jobbing cargo pants being back anything can be in those pockets you could have so many cotton candy vape you could have vape in there god could you imagine if cigarettes were candy flavored when we were kids god it would have been a wrap it would they weren't candy flavored and it was still pretty buck yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they were disgusting keep their hands off of them let alone turns out they were disgusting

flavored and they still made the rounds at edison and axtell and Whittier and Memorial in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. There's four high schools in that city. Four middle schools, my friend. I started young. All that stimulant. It's crazy. You weren't a better note taker. Idiot.

That was the first thing they said when you uh got beat into the crypts you're like no notes we don't want this documented like all right uh ian what's your next pick thank you shady uh i am going with my third pick i'm going to take i would love to be able to just make amazing cocktails oh like really like i want to be like a mixologist what up yeah like like that james bond movie where they're like what what would you like he's like well i'll have a campari soda and he said like seven things yeah they're like oh what is that that sounds delicious he's like i made it up i just made it up i would love it i would like understand the fundamentals of those but also just like

walk into the kitchen let me make you a tom collins or whatever the fuck yeah and i understand like a lot of this is just like want wanting to learn it and then doing it yeah but i'm yeah but i'd like i'd like if i were the kind of guy who makes amazing cocktails and i'm not really i have the bar cart i have some bitters down there you would like it to be a thing like ian's having a gathering we're gonna have his famous yeah he's gonna be making these things like you know if you do a house party people be excited for the cocktails. I'm like two ingredients. I'm the alcohol and then whatever you use to make that digestible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's usually, like, the kind of cocktails I make. You want to have, like, a salt rim. I would love that. Whatever a Paloma is, you know what I mean? Oh, I love a Paloma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These, like, more complicated ones. A Paloma might even just be grapefruit juice and tequila.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, like, you want to put a lemon zest in there. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Just something for the troops. It's like hard though with alcohol too because it's like there is a lot to know actually about alcohol.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like we just like obviously just like slug booze or whatever. Yeah. But there's a difference between a good bartender and a bartender who just pours a very stiff drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was one of the, so in Sioux Falls, when like if somebody would order a drink

and I didn't know what it was, I would ask them what color it was. And then if you made it, the color, like if they were like, yeah, it's red. And then you just give them a red drink with alcohol. They were like, oh, great. This is exactly what I want. Really? Yeah, because it's just sugar. Rarely did somebody come in and order.

Anything that colored is like going to be just sugar mostly, right? Yeah. Or like you put whatever the red thing is. Is it amaretto? I don't know. There's like a red and there's a green. There's like something you can put to make it whatever color. Apple pucker.

Unless it was like a Tom Collins or something. Like there was a bartender book. You just look it up and then you knew it. Like after that, you'd know it. Could you make like a Long Island iced tea? Those were my favorite to make very easy and you get to do the cool thing where you just like pour all four of them into one pint glass oh yeah and put a little uh coke and then what lemon juice and then pour it pour them again pour them again real quick well i can't this i gotta hold this microphone a certain way so it doesn't fuck up but you would grab a bottle

i'm just looking at your sweaty armpits is why i'm oh well yeah man the sound's freaking me out i got nervous what do you want to do you're calling me out i'm trying to make it yeah i bartended too yeah no i have that video oh yeah from uh me when i'm will smith hired me to bartend when it was private yeah when we were hanging out with our good personal friend oh yeah i heard shane was behind the bar being mr texas were you really I got a video of it, I think, on my phone right now. Yeah, you can tweet it. I don't know if I was being Mr. Texas. I think we put it on the Patreon.

Why don't you put everything else on the Patreon without my goddamn permission? Tranks, tranks, tranks, tranks. Who wants tranks? I did sweat through this sweatshirt. I didn't realize that. You sweat through a sweatshirt? I got very nervous for a second. If you were wearing a cool fleece like me, it wouldn't be a problem. Cool looking fleece. Because it's nice and airy as well. Me and AJ disagree. AJ and I, you

dumb fuck. You're taking AJ's head on this. No, I'm not. I was about to scream at you in Italian. What were you going to say? Bafangul? Yeah, something like that. What would be your next pick, Ian? Well, funny you should ask, because I wish I could speak Italian.

Oh, shit. Language. I wish I could speak Italian. Oh, shit. Language. I wish I was the guy who spoke Italian. Speak Italian. Speak Italian. I think it would be so. I learned Spanish in school and I know they're both romance languages and one makes the other easier to learn. But to be honest, I don't even know Spanish that well.

Right. So I just I think Italian or French, but I think Italian would be like. You got a little Spanish. But you want a love language kind of thing. Yeah. I just think Italian would be the most fun to just suck and like bust out at a restaurant.

I feel like your last two picks are making you the best dinner guest. A little bit. A little bit. I mean, ultimately that's what he wants to be, right? I want to be an amazing dinner guest.

You got to put a bow on it at the end and be like, I want to be an amazing dinner guest. I'm singing, I'm making drinks, I'm, ultimately, that's what he wants to be, right? You're going to put a bow on it at the end and be like, I want to be an amazing dinner guest. I'm singing. I'm making drinks. I'm speaking Italian. I'm fixing your car. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful evening.

Oh, my God. Buona sera. Mangia, mangia. Buona sera. Here, I'm going to mix you a drink. While you're drinking that, I'm going to go change your tire and do some spark plug stuff. Sounds like your alternator to your wife.

Do some spark plug stuff. Karen, while you're enjoying this Campari and soda, I noticed when you came in that you had a little screech on the right side of your car. Go out there and take a look. Sounds like you might have roasted a pinion or something like that. Sounds like the left bank's running lean. Roasted a pinion.

Could be your Lloyd Banks. Roasted a pinion? It's like weird. Even when you're trying to make up car jargon, you still sound like you're talking about failing at skateboarding. Roasted opinion? Yeah, that's a term, right? Opinion is like a rack and pinion steering.

Oh, like in a Jag? Yeah. I don't know if you roast them. Like an opinion. Yeah. Opinion. Pinion. Yeah, yeah.

No, I ain't talking about Jags. Nobody's driving Jags. Can you explain rack and pinion steering right now? Oh. Okay. I want to be a car guy. I ain't talking about Jags. Nobody's driving Jags. Can you explain rack and pinion steering right now? Oh. Okay. I want to be a car guy. I'm not one. I'm just curious if anybody knows how the function works.

Can you explain rack and pinion? Somebody knows. No, I'm not saying I can't, but I think it's... I heard you say you can. Explain it, Shane. I mean, it's not... There's these pins. Yeah.

And they slide in and out. Not bottom track, for sure. And they help you turn. We've watched too many Westerns and spent too much time in close quarters. Every conversation is a Mexican standoff. Racist. Is it?

I'm sure it is. I apologize to the Italians. Lo siento. Lo siento. Lo siento. Hey, mama. It's not even complicated. Rag and pinion steering? Yeah, it's not even complicated rack and pinion steering yeah it's just uh it's not even complicated say he said to the inventor of it it's just the two gears right so

like you see when the gear there's the circular gear that moves along the gear uh the groove gear to like pull it that's the rack and this bottom part is the pinion. Yeah man that's what I was saying. That's pretty much what I said. Yeah. Anyways who's next? We'll tweet links for all of these. Yeah you can look up rack and pinion stereo on your own time.

Can I go? Gracias. Gracias. Gracias. Please. Bene. This is my number four or this? Four. This is four. Okay.

Si, si, si. I'm going to pick horticulture. Cuando? You're getting the pimping? Perche, perche. Yeah, I'm picking horny culture, dude. Horticulture. Break down what you think horticulture, what that means to you.

Just looked it up. Farming? dude horticulture break down what you think horticulture what that means to you just looked it up farming i just uh i want to like like gardening and things like that gardening planting trees and things like that because we just tried to plant a tree for my uncle bill who recently passed and i planted it and um it it doesn't look like it's gonna go the distance it is early but i just i want it to i want it to work and then it just made me think like it's gonna go the distance it's early though it is early but i just i want it to i want it to work and then it just made me think like it'd be fun to garden and i don't know grow peppers i'm with you on that shit yeah i'm trying i'm trying to get better at it when we lived in elizabeth my mom had a garden but she didn't really do anything so basically i did it and it was like one of the like we rented the rototiller from home depot yeah tilled the soil

yeah and then like and then like set out the rose and then planted all the seeds and it was like it was like it was only one season we did it for but it was like it's cool to just like have shit growing yeah it's so romantic to think like i can just go in the garden pick some food fuck my wife make it and then eat it i just it's sick see it's fun like you get to skip the whole you know go to the grocery store there is something it is like it is cool my mom also i've had a lot of gardens now we had a big garden growing up yeah yeah my mom never anything even close to like and it sounds messed up but it's even like i i i think it's cool when people are like really good at growing

weed. Yeah. Like when you meet somebody who's just like, yeah man, I just grew this myself. And it's like oh cool. Tuscan's out there walking. It's just Tuscan, dude. I like that. Were you at the gym? No, I went to a parking ramp and ran stairs. What a gangster.

So buck. But yeah, horticulture. I thought it was horticulture when we were in Detroit. buck uh but yeah horticulture which i thought was horticulture when we were in detroit you thought it was horticulture horticulture did you bring it up when we were in detroit i did because i lied in the car because i said you guys don't remember i said horticulture it was me the two of you and laura like three people i really don't want to look stupid in front of yeah oh we're trying to find parking oh whole nother thing but you you were like uh did you say horny culture?

And I was like, yeah, I'm an idiot. I said horny culture, and I made a joke about it. And then on the podcast, I was like, so just to be honest, I did think it was, I thought it was horny culture. I just wanted everyone to hear it. I like to own up to my mistakes. Horny culture, dude. Horny culture.

Gardening, beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, I could have said gardening, I guess. That's interesting. You're not known for eating vegetables. Something I'd like to also get better at. We'll factor that into this pick.

David, your fourth pick? I'd like to learn how to navigate a sailboat. Oh, son of a bitch. Can we just say sailing? Yeah. Sailing, but also like... Good man. The navigation, too. you mean like using like

i don't know i don't know anything about it they have those devices right i don't know tracking by the stars maybe navigating yeah i want to i want to do it like there it is oh shit i'm gonna watch moana later you got like that like fucking thing where it's like a you know it's like a i don't even know what like that like fucking thing where it's like a, you know, it's like a, I don't even know what to call it, a compass, but it's like a different kind. I don't know. They used to look at the stars and chart shit. I know that the water stresses me out in the way that like, like I can swim and all that,

but like open water and like not being able to see land and shit. Your shorts beg to differ. Yeah, I know. It is. It's a very scary thing. And it's like, that's like an area i would like to be comfortable like you know what i mean like i'd like to be able to like of course know what's going on and have my bearings where you actually were going yeah yeah yeah and it's like there's

something interesting there's something cool about like this is pretty much how people have been doing it this whole time you know what i mean Like it's not that different than it ever was. Like. Right, right, right. It kind of feels like you would be joining into a grand tradition of things. It is. It doesn't rely on technology. I mean, some technology.

It's not like building boats and shit. But like. The technology they had. If the world. If we go back to pre-industrial revolution. Yeah. Still sailing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that. Sailing. Go on. I sang that right to Shane's soul yeah he did yeah dude felt it in my dick you guys clear out i'm sailing away Charting a course for the virgencies I've got to be free Free to face the life that was meant for me On board I'm the captain life that was meant for me. On board I'm the captain.

Very nice. Yeah. Lovely stuff. Pretty sweet with the pickle juice on that one, man. You better wash your ass. You want me to keep saying. I got like a high school theater voice. That's good. Community production of something voice. I'll take that. Community

productions. Sailing, dude. Shane, time. Community production of something voice. I'll take that. Community productions. Sailing. Do chain top your fourth and final picks for my fourth pick. Your hair is getting fun over there. It's fun all the time. I wish I was good at comebacks. Comebacks. Like when someone's like saying something mean and shitty.

I think you're good at comebacks. What did you say to Sean earlier? I don't know. He's a dumb fuck. Didn't you call him a slushy Irish prick or something? That's a good comeback, dude. Yeah. Oh, thanks.

Maybe I'm good at something. Here, let's try it. Hey, why don't you shut the fuck up, Shane, you idiot? Shut up, Jew boy. Yeah. Good. It works. Maybe you shouldn't be good at comebacks.

Here, let me try. Shane, you suck. I'm not even going to dignify that one with a response. Good one. Wait, also, you are kind of good at comebacks. Yeah, you're good at them. Watch, I'm not good at comebacks. Watch, that's good at them. Watch, I'm not good at comebacks. Hey, Ian, fuck off.

I'm so much more successful than you. I feel like you are both good at comebacks. No, but Shane, I've seen you do, I've seen you have a lot of zingers just like in like a people don't really get one over on you. Sean does, but that's because he's a coward and he does it when you're not here

thank you very much Sean does but that's because he's a coward and he does it when you're not here the best one is in role models when he goes that's a nice minotaur's costume and he goes yeah I got it out of your mom's closet last night after I fucked her that's the best one

that's the most creative one you know what I love too is the Superbad where he's like, that was in middle school. People don't forget. That's not really a comeback per se. But it's like a fun thing. It is a comeback. Yeah, it's a fun thing to say after somebody just sets up a shitty deal.

I love a good comeback. Whenever somebody's trying to get over on you. Because that's what it is. They're trying to get over on you. That's why you need to have it. I don't know, i think you're good at it yeah you're pretty you're pretty quick i don't know there's some there's some inner city youth in my neighborhood who uh who are really good oh yeah but that's like okay so i'm sorry i didn't know you wanted to play in the fucking nfl yeah dude that's like a big we just i tell you what we play on the weekends man i i was in the bodega and I was ordering a sandwich and these kids, they couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 years old, came in and they just started screaming over me when I was already in line.

And I just looked at them and she goes, sorry, I'm a kid. And then just finished her order. Damn. Yeah. Really? Yes. It was crazy. I don't know what I do in that situation.

What did she say? She was just a little kid she came in just just like being rude and she i was just like what do you do you know like yeah yeah and then i looked at her and she goes sorry i'm a kid and just kept ordering that's tight yeah this dude um i gotta tell you this one real quick before you're a kid you gotta be kidding me with this bullshit. Get in the back of the line. Wait for me to order my fucking sandwich. And I'm going to go eat it right out front. You can watch me enjoy it. You know what?

Then I might spend some money on some frivolous shit. I could buy some ammo and porn. Fucking child. Do you guys know? Chopped cheese. That's how you handle a kid. Do you guys know Y cheese that's how you have a kid do you guys know yamanika sanders yeah we were at uh we were in vegas at the cellar we were in line to the buffet and this little kid kept touching every all these desserts and i don't know the kid must have been like 15

and yam goes that's all enough to not know yeah this is exactly where i'm going i knew a lot when i was 15 yam goes you don't need to be touching all that stuff you're. This is exactly where I'm going. I knew a lot when I was 15. Yom goes, you don't need to be touching all that stuff. You're 15. And the kid goes, I'm 12. And she goes, well, you were big 12. That kid was bad at comebacks. Perfect.

Yeah. She was great. Yeah, she's real fun with it. But yeah, I wish I was better at comebacks. That's fair. It is a good skill to have. Even better at comebacks is what I'm going to say. Thank you.

Am I turning again now? That's right. It's a serpentine drift. For my fifth. I remember the mini ramp thing earlier. The backside disaster slide and the switch front side disaster slide. I think with the ramps that you just go back and forth, you didn't need all that other dumb shit attached to it.

Backside disaster slide sounds like pooping. You know, there's a comeback, god damn it. Love it. For my final pick, I already picked run and jump over something. Things I wish I could do. Pick it again, dummy.

I'm going to pick surfing. Regular surfing. I got it on my list. Great. Yeah, dude. Dude, seriously. I did it for the first time this year, and I was still terrible at it. You got up?

I got really close a couple of times, but I didn't get up. No, but I fell off the back. I kept falling off the back of the board. There's footage of it. You'll laugh. Where's Long Island? Of course I'll laugh. It was in Florida.

We went on tour with Bert. Awesome. Did Bert up yeah he did quite a bit you know how to surf though and that was his first time too i don't know if it was his first time but he was i mean he got up plenty damn yeah like uh but it was it was florida small waves you know but it was like i got almost got up a couple of times and like the fact the guy who took us out the instructor yeah could not have been more of a cartoon character i love surfing dudes yeah it was like the text were like chop bro i'll be like like he was spelling oh the way that much time in the ocean yeah it makes you real fun he was like these little baby waves are shitty you gotta come they're fine for me. And I had a huge, clearly I had a huge,

big fucking board that I was. Yeah. And it was windy. And I just like, I just kind of turned the board over a wave and he was like, you're strong as fuck, bro. But yeah,

it's so exhilarating and so fun. And even failing, I've ever tried failing at it is kind of fun if you're getting close but i mean i was i would tilt off the side it was like that hair and catching waves fucking beautiful out there dude oh man you know what were you know i was so sore after i could not believe good workout because you use muscles that you'd never yeah and it's like it's full body all the time but i like i loved it did your nippies get all chafed up yes they did if you move out here do you think you go surfing a lot more i think i

probably would try it more yeah i don't think i would live on the west side you go later mishan he goes surfing all the time yeah he does do it and he was and moshe kasher i don't want to wear a wetsuit around them they're gonna look so much better they're gonna bleed do it fucking do it dude. The way God intended. Dude, just pad your hog. Cover my beaner. Put a beer cozy on your wiener. Pad it. Stuff the stats.

I think use it. I think use your dong. You're up there naked. Use your dong for leverage. No, I'm saying you're worried about them being next to them. Shove a dishrag in your jockeys. Oh, true. Event boner surfing. Big dick, true. Boner surfing. Big dickum. Boner surf. Surf with a boner. How hard would a boner

in a wetsuit? Hard, bro. Oh, man. Speaking of every part of you being sore. This next song is called Boner in a Wetsuit. Boner in a wetsuit. Boner in a wetsuit. Is that what I play after? That's a different baby I got up to catch a wave

Then I looked on the shore and there was a baby Boner in a wetsuit Boner in a wetsuit She was so fine she took my time I rode right in and Fucked her Boner in a wetsuit Boner in a wetsuit boner in a wetsuit big now i got a baby on the way my surfboard was

sold that's how i'm gonna pay boner in a wetsuit bummer of a lawsuit hanging on by a thread a studio apartment my dad is dead bummer of a lawsuit gotta get a new suit for a funeral there's no hope left in my life. I just got this shitty kid and a terrible ex-wife. Sorry, man. No better than my son! David, your final pick?

Oh, man, I'd like to be really great at high-level math. Yeah? Math? Mathematics? Yeah. Yeah, like the type of math where somebody's like rude boy math he can do that like just like practical like where like whenever i i'm so bad at math i can't even talk about a scenario yeah whenever i see somebody do it i'm just like fuck i'm a dummy where it's all like theoretical shit yeah or just like because math is like you can it is a tool that you can do a fucking lot with no i can't but i know that you can and you know

no one thinks you're dumb if you're good at math you know like yeah yeah everybody thinks i'm dumb if i was good at math yeah it's like no you just we don't think you're dumb i don't think you're dumb at all i think you're actually very smart because i think you guys are fucking idiots well i'm not a big studier no i'm smart enough to know not to let that hurt my feelings but uh yeah no really i would i think it would be i ever since i know when I fell off the math train. Man, when was that? As soon as they put letters in. Yeah. Yeah.

As soon as they bought the letters, I was like, oh, well, yeah. You told me these were letters. Yeah. Now you're telling me they're numbers five years later? This is going to sound real stupid, but I mastered times tables. And as soon as we were out of that, it was like, I don't know. Yeah. It's not.

I got through it. It's difficult. it's just not how my brain works i was out somewhere around long division dude the concept of algebra like like like like having to like even up both sides of the equation is to this day the hardest new concept i've ever learned. It feels disrespectful. Empathy. Learning how to do anything. Nothing has ever been hard. When you guys would take math tests and algebra, would they leave you the formula?

Would they let you up? I don't even remember enough to know. We got to use two for our ACT. It was the Pythagorean theorem and there was one other formula. A squared plus B squared equals C squared, right? Is was the Pythagorean theorem and the other, there was one other formula that you needed. A squared plus B squared equals C squared, right? Yeah. Is that the Pythagorean theorem? Could be. Then there was another one you needed that was like the quadratic equation.

Yeah. Which was another one. So they let us write those two down and bring them into ACTs with us, but that was it. My next name was called the quadratic equation. It was, dude. Mine was called the cryptratic equation. Cryptratic equation? What? Crip-Ratic Accretion.

My name's Sean, and this is the Crip-Ratic Accretion. Yeah, man. I don't know. AJ is studying for this engineering certification thing. Oh, God. It's so much math. Building math. I went and looked at some of it she showed, and I was just like-

Is it a bummer you get sick? It made me feel- It gave me a headache. It made me feel woozy just looking at i'm like i don't even know where to fucking start yeah yeah this is math used to make me feel so i was like i've been even like high hieroglyphics there's some symbolic oh i'd rather read german yeah and like i'd rather read an entire book in german because we must have some words in common yeah i'd be i'd be like oh hamburger yeah yeah there was this guy larry that would come into holman's when i worked there yeah by that yeah larry came into holman's sometimes how do you want to always just be doing equations in his notebook like he was like

he was uh like i guess like a substitute professor and like bsu or whatever he would whatever the fucking title would be and he would just be writing down the craziest shit you've ever seen and i also think he might have just been a drunk but like if you have enough crazy numbers in a notebook a lot of people at a bar like holman's aren't gonna call you on it it's a it's an intelligence i have a lot of respect for man it's crazy yeah me too it's just like completely different it also made me feel bad about myself when i'm like yeah in a way of like why why can't i get this oh i used to fucking hate it yeah especially in high school when it got really hard yeah i cried over tests oh yeah i remember one year i was like i was so glad that i had math last period because we'd miss it because of football sometimes.

You know what I mean? They're like, oh, man. Or when math spilled over into science. It gets to that point. Physics, dude. Come on. Physics is math. I'm talking about biology. Bringing in

formulas, you fucking pricks. Or like pundit squares or whatever. And I remember teachers, I just bringing in formulas you fucking bricks like pundit squares or whatever yeah it's just like and i remember like teachers like i just i happen to be like no i just i don't know i just don't know man i don't i don't know what i don't know what's going on here i don't i really know what a lot of my math teachers will have these long like crazy texas accents that's funny yeah they just be like well you know if you just put together. And it would just upset me even more. And math teachers are good at math.

So you know what I mean? No. So you're like, I'm like. Don't get mad at you for not getting it. I'm like, my brain doesn't work like yours. Write a story. Yeah. Let's see how that goes for you.

And that's the thing. They can't. No, they can't. But you couldn't tell them back then. You couldn't be like, Miss Todd, why don't you just cram it? I'm going to be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Miss Thornton. I'm going to notice things and explain them back then you couldn't be like Miss Todd why don't you just cram it I'm going to be fine yeah Miss Thornton I'm going to notice things and explain them back to people

in a way that makes them laugh also I don't like how you flirt with all the football players well can't get behind you on that one I know who you can get behind on it Sean your final pick basketball you got to narrow it down, bro.

Yeah, that's that. Yeah. I just want to be good at basketball. If I had it, I have to pick something like dribbling. You want handles? Really? Handles. I'm putting on a basketball.

I want to be able to fucking. They'll get it. But I want to be able to cross someone up and they fall down and they go sliding like 10 feet. And then I stand back and I laugh a little bit. Yeah. Maybe I make the three point. Maybe I don't. But I don't care because they fell down and slid. like 10 feet. And then I stand back and I laugh a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I make the three-point, maybe I don't. But I don't care because they fell down and slid.

They'll just cut away from the highlight faster if you don't. That's what's going on SportsCenter. It's funny because... Or you just throw the ball at them. Just one of those like above the rim, just bounce it off their butt when they turn around. One of that like where it's like, huh? And then, oh, it's back.

So you want like Kyrie level handles? I don't even know. I'm thinking about like above the rim level handles like and one as far as anyone who's been in the NBA Kyrie's the sickest handles of all time oh my god he does stuff with the ball I read a story about it once and it's like he learns

all these individual moves like he'll like learn a he'll learn like a I don't just like a one move with his like right hand right and then he'll like spend so much time working on that one move and then he'll learn another move and then he just puts them together in these insane combinations. Yeah. So it's like impossible to sort of predict what he's going to do because he doesn't have

all muscle memory. He doesn't have one move. He has or he doesn't even have 10 moves. He has like 80 things he does and he puts together in weird combinations. You'll see him do like dribbling with his right hand, but he's going to move his shoulder. It's what he's doing with his non-ball hand. He does do some stuff

where you're just like... He's a fucking weirdo, but he's a basketball genius. He also can ollie on a skateboard. Yes, he can. He thinks the earth is flat, but I don't really think he thinks that. I don't think he really thinks that. I think that's how you get pressed for things that aren't being a bad teammate.

I just thought of a pick that I'd like to take more than that. So I just thought of it. I won't do it, obviously. I had a, I wanted, one of mine was just hitting threes all silky. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Silky. A good pull up.

Like with my body, you know what I mean? It'd be sick if I could go in a dribble. But like, if you just, if it's just me running from arc to arc in a pickup game at 24. And I'm just like, hit your boy. If you just hear people yell, shooter, once you touch the ball. Shooter! Yeah. He has a shooter.

I'm like, come on now. I'd play in this fleece. That's how little I'd be running. Oh, God. That's one thing that's so good about pickup basketball. Like, that's where it would really be. Exactly. I'd just be pissing people off.

Because what are you going to do? I'm calling off picks. I'm hitting silky threes. Oh, God. I'm going to name a pick I wish I'd thought of later. Silky, dude. Shut up, Sean. You better not be the one that I wanted. You're going to tell me not yet.

Sean wants handles. Basketball handles. Dreadlock Rasta. Yep. Yep. All right. Time for my final pick. I wish I was an amazing golfer. Yeah. Yep. That was... So golfing and surfing are the two hardest things I've ever

tried in my whole life. I don't know how people get... When did you get to marriage? Hey. And you wanted to be better at comeback. What are you doing? Look at you. You really think golf is as hard as... You think surfing was as hard as golf? Or golfing was as hard as surfing?

Golfing is pretty fucking hard. I think they're both equally as hard. Different reasons, but yeah, they're both wildly hard. I would bet you surfers take better to golfing than golfers take to surfing. Cool. So I think they're both super hard. I don't know. Like golf is, it's weird to think like surfing, you look like ridiculous until you're up on the board.

Whereas golfing, like it feels like surfing is a very binary thing where it's like, I can't surf. I can't surf. I can't surf. I can't surf. I can't surf. I can't surf. Golfing, there are so many little steps along the way to being competent at it. I can hit the ball. Yeah, you can hit a ball. We go to Topgolf and you can take it for a ride a few times.

You know what I mean? It doesn't look good. I'm not going to accidentally get up on a surfboard. Unless I'm falling out of a plane onto a surfboard. Will Smith. We did go to Topgolf with Will Smith. That sounds fun. Yeah, well, I went to Topgolf in Portland with Tori and Smith. We did go to Topgolf with Will Smith. That's fun. Yeah, well, I went to Topgolf in Portland with, like,

Tori and Smith, so. I went with Nick Manpah and we fucking put baby to bed a number of times. A number of times. We were making that thing fucking dance out there. You know who picked it up so fast when we were out there? It was Baron Vaughn. Yeah,

he started out terrible. Really? Like, by the end of it was just slinging. Seems like a guy who could pick up golf quick. Yeah, he's terrible. Really? Like by the end of it was just like, yeah, slinging. Yeah. Who could pick up golf quick? Yeah. Like you found out. OK, I was like, hey, I think you might need to bend your knee more just because he was so stiff.

And then he just started bending his knee like he didn't and he didn't have to fix anything else. He goes, Shane, I don't want advice from you. You're terrible at golf. Did he say that? Shane was whacking him. I can whack him. I'll think of something else i'll

whack right now with a shillelagh yeah uh yeah golf i think it'd be really fun i just like it'd be great it'd be great like when you want to say too by the way would you like want to be as good like like if everybody from work is going you're the best golfer is that the like the goal yeah like i mean i would love to be fucking i? Yeah. I mean, I would love to be fucking... I mean, don't get me wrong. I'd love to be fucking... If you weren't a pro, I'd be like, you're not a hell of a golfer.

Yeah, yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like to be like when we go charity golfing, and they're like... And Charles is like, you can hit the ball pretty good, man. If this comedy thing doesn't work out, man, you could be a terrible pro golfer.

I just want to be i want to be competitive yeah i wouldn't want to be like in anything like it's just like you know when you do something and you're like oh we're gonna go fuck i don't know we're gonna go play foosball and i'm like oh okay i'll be fine yeah like that kind of like yeah yeah i'm almost there with golf but i'd like to be a little bit better. If you had to pick a part of your game, like drive, short game. The short game. Yeah. I can drive. Drive for show, putt for dough. Yeah.

I can, but it's my short. Is that what they say? It's the in-between. So, like, I can drive, and I can putt pretty good. But it's like, are I going to hit a nine iron? Does that come down to club selection, you think? It's a lot of club selection, I think, yeah. Because that's so much of it, right?

Man, so much of it. And there's so much muscle memory. If Tiger Woods on Xbox get down god that game is good guys i probably smoked three pounds of weed to that kid yeah i would have smoked weed at that time but like like for real for sure like just well that's yeah we uh nick nampay and i fucking so much of the dorms Shane you went first you took run and jump over something ground surf accost people with service animals comebacks and surfing

quite a run David you went second you took touching people DJing with vinyl, master carpentry sailing and mathematics John we're almost all very well-rounded if you know the things we're good at. We all want to be well-rounded. I was going to say, we all want to be dope.

Yeah, me and you. Fuck you, Sean. Cooking, shredding on guitar, studying, horticulture, and basketball, specifically. You really are like a romantic comedy boyfriend. I want to be.

I went last and I took singing. Fixing cars, making amazing cocktails, speaking Italian, and golf. I basically want to be an old Italian guy. The one that I left off was I want to make beats. I want to be really good at making beats. That'd be so fun. That's what I thought of in my last pick. I used to do that.

I know. On Fruity Loops. Trash talking. Like in a basketball game. Oh, yeah. God, that would feel good. Flying a plane. I also picked beating up David Epperson, my high school bully.

Hell yeah, dude. I put down computer stuff. Computer stuff. I'd like to be better at computer stuff. You're not good at and painting yeah that was on my list playing piano but after you took a tie i didn't want to take that yeah that i honestly my whole list was eight deep and they were all taken real quick being calm while driving is what i wish i was good at uh we want to hear yours while driving i hate to tell you something this is gonna happen it going to take a lot of work. I had pull-ups.

I can't even do one pull. I've never done a pull-up in my life. You know what? It's not a strength thing. It's a too heavy thing. I dropped like 20 pounds for wrestling in ninth grade. And I could do a couple pull-ups. It's also because wrestling is so hard. It's so hard.

We want to hear yours. All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. We sincerely hope everyone is doing well. Everything is okay as it can be for you. Shout out to Super producer Marissa Melnick. She's going to earn those stripes on this one. She's really going to earn the stripes on this one. It's going to be pretty goddamn super on this.

Send her some love on this one. One of the mics was cutting out partially. Sean's attitude just in general the whole time yeah stupid fucking left a lot of room for improvement with slushy irish i am a slushy irishman shout out to everyone on the afv subreddit shout out to everyone on the afv patreon for holding us down shout out to everyone on the shislakity i love that it's called that now shout out to h Hendrix Gin. Shout out to Seagram's Gin. Shout out to having your cups but ain't kicking in.

You know? I got that hockey jersey at the crib in Portland. Yeah, dude. Shout out to ice hockey. Shout out to street hockey. Shout out to me busting Snoop for only fucking the one time even though we had 15 condoms. Absolutely.

Ah, you say busting. Shout out to Busting Makes Me Feel Good. Yeah. Busting Makes Me Feel Good. Shout out to busting makes me feel good yeah busting makes me feel good shout out to Larry David shout out to Larry used to come into Holman's dude shout out to Larry Dye my co-worker used to come into Holman's

shout out to Shane's old whiskey nose laugh yeah just like remember someone from a certain time in your life yeah I wonder if they're still alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude.

Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to everyone, dude. Shout out to everyone's safety and health. And more important than all of that, except your safety and health, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! That was a hate gum podcast.