All Fantasy Everything - Tom Cruise Movies (w/ Zach Harper, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: May 26, 2022

Set the Cruise Control to friendly as we talk about some fine cinema for a bit! The GVG welcomes back the sultry voice and comedic wit of Zach Harper as we draft Tom Cruise Movies! Guest:  �� Zach Harper @talkhoops IG: @talkhoops Podcast: Cinephobe Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.  Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting Tom Cruise movies. With us today is enemy of the podcast, Zach Harper. Zach is an NBA writer and podcaster for The Athletic and on Sirius XM Radio.

He hosts Cinephobe, a podcast where he reviews poorly rated Rotten Tomatoes movies. Zach is joining us for his 10th episode today. Welcome to the 10-timer club, Zach. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that got COVID at Sean's wedding.

Yeah. Sorry about that, man. I gave it to you specifically. I brought it in a little pouch. Got it right at Sean's wedding. It was in the Girl Scout cookies. He knew that I was going to be the one going for the Samoas the most, so he baked COVID into several of the Samoas? Is that what they're called? No, I didn't bake them.

The Girl Scouts put them the Girl Scouts put it in. Samoans. Samoans. Booyah tribes. The Booyah tribe. I think the Girl Scouts put it in the cookies, not me. So I think, if anything, we can blame the Girl Scouts of America. I don't think I got it at Sean's wedding. I don't think Sean's wedding was a super spreader event because I don't think anybody else got COVID there, right? I don't think so got it at Sean's wedding. I don't think Sean's wedding was a super spreader event because I don't think anybody else got

COVID there, right? I don't think so. No, I tested recently. I tested negative just because I saw some people tweeting about Sean Jordan's wedding being a super spreader event. So I want to make that clear that it wasn't. Super spreader for love is what it was. And that ass. Yeah, that ass.

Laura tested negative as well. She took a test today. Well well you guys both had it yeah i know some people give like like a cuff link or like a flask or something to those important people that attend and you just you decided covet was the way can we talk about what i was given oh yeah let's talk about what you were given the gift of can i just say it yes it was a signed mav oh go ahead i mean it's fitting because you were going to talk about your search no that's not what was taken it's given the inability to father child ever again my fertility was robbed of me i should have when he got done i should been like, so when can I have kids?

This lasts for what? 30, 45 days? When you left, you should have put some money on the counter. I just slap him with it. Go buy yourself a new suit. Look at me! I pay you to leave. I don't pay you for the surgery. I pay you to leave. I don't pay you for the surgery.

I pay you to leave. Sean is currently reclined one day post-vasectomy, right? Yeah, 26 hours and 18 minutes. 26 hours post-vasectomy. Probably 26 hours on the dot, yeah. If you're thinking about getting it, get it done.

I have COVID. Sean has one nut. Yeah. That's what they do, right? Just take one out. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, take the one that's like going to do it. Yeah. Dude, there's a part of me when he was digging around in there, I was like that fear where he just cuts it

open and I hear in my mind and he's going to be like, oh my God, there's so much cancer in here. You know, it's scary because you're like, I don't know. I don't know what cancer what cancer looks like but there was just like a crackerjack toy in there yeah like a little race car a bunch of little cherubs come climbing out just a tiny kazoo just wipe it down a little bit what if there was a tech deck in your nuts sick this whole time. That would make sense. I was gifted a signed Maverick flight helmet that said, Sean, you can be my wingman anytime. Tom Cruise.

Wow. That's incredible. David signed that for you, huh? David. David's really good at doing Tom Cruise's signature. I'm i spelled it c-r-u-z uh it's actually tomas cruz that mtv thing where it was tom cruise and then ben stiller being tom cruise with c-r-o-o-z-e or something yeah he was like a stunt double um yeah so i got that for the wedding and and it was... It is. So it went immediately up on the mantel. Have you been wearing it ever, though? I got a shout out.

I have to say this. I know I just told you guys off air, but Adam texted me, and he said, you should have worn that to the vasectomy and told the doctor it made you feel brave. And then pull the shades down. Pull the green shades down and be like, this makes me feel brave.

Then lay back in home danger zone the whole time. I want to make you feel brave. I mean, I bet it would not make you feel brave. Yeah. No, it would have made me feel brave. I've put it on every day since the wedding a few times. Every time I walk by it, pretty much, I put it on. And it makes me feel brave every time.

Is this a weird question? Have you put it on naked yet to feel the power no i'm not really around it naked you should be you should find a way to do that i think you have to wait a week now to try it on naked or what's the that's a good question i can't ejaculate for a while so and every time i put it on you know it just comes with course yeah yeah i ejaculate so yeah i will i'll wait until it's safe to ejaculate i also have a big fear that the next time i blow a load it's gonna hurt so we'll see what if it turns you inside out and then you're inside out boy have you thought about that negative sean yeah your bones are on the outside i'll have to move into the comedy store man dark sean i won. I won't know what to do. What if every time you come now, you quantum leap?

Quit talking about his pilot. What's Abraham Lincoln doing here? You got a vasectomy, all of a sudden you show up somewhere and people's hands are all thumbs. You know? Genghis Khan, what are you doing here? Right before you finish, you say, I'm going to jump.

Now you're jizzing your way through the multiverse trying to get back to Earth. Man, that's a sad story. It's just you naked in the Top Gun helmet. I'm just screaming how brave I am. I'm so brave. I'm so brave. All the different wormholes. It's different things that turn you on in different multiverses and then

you have to figure that out so you can so you can jizz yeah like you're in the weird like hook my nuts up to a car battery multiverse yeah you're like yeah that's how they can see a lot of multiverses with like different eras of tina turner i think would be a heavy multiverse for me well you don't get to pick the multiverse it turns me on how do i not pick it yeah but it's different and different ones yeah you're not gonna know until you're there that's not that's not good drama i get turned on by different one multiverse all of a sudden like you're just desperately searching to look at like michael douglas's neck yeah something right exactly but like because that's erotic in that in that multiverse it's covered yeah and then like another one you have to see

like an old man shoot a snot rocket on a park bench and that's how it goes but then in one of them in one of them there's tina turner in the what's love got to do with it video for sure of course definitely a tina turner verse course. Well, that's it. I mean, that's this multiverse. That's where you start. That's home. Yeah. Okay.

That's where you're trying to get back to. That's my touchstone of something that was. Touchstone of something that was. Sean, is your least favorite Wu-Tang member now JZA? Ah, good question. I can still come. Prove it. Can you though? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you can't come for seven days. I don't believe days i don't believe a week not for a week or so but you know eventually i don't know if it's gonna be the same it's probably pink now huh oh come on what why not gross oh well what if it's green wait what what are you talking about your jizz yeah yeah what if it's just like the color of baja blast oh that's fun what if it's vapor now what if it's a gas like it's not liquid anymore good it's like a smoke it's like those candy cigarettes yeah like when you put a bunch of fucking pixie sticks in your mouth oh yeah what if it comes out in a beautiful in a beautiful handwritten envelope and it's in there

but it's like you know it's a wax seal and it just says jizz and cursive on it oh the Jordan family crest jizz and cursive oh that's my family crest he's got a bathroom wall Jordan has been here this is the house of Jordan

now this has my father's seal it must have been sent from beyond the grave I don't know how he did that this Arby's bathroom is a house of Jordan how is married life so far I love it dude I love it I love everything about it we david and i didn't talk too much about it last but you it was so beautiful i loved every single

thing i said what i wanted to say i got to dance with my mom who by the way so her whole spine is fused you know she got her whole spine fused she has two titanium rods about a day before the wedding a day before her flight she texted me and she had she heard something pop in her back but it wasn't going to stop her from coming to the wedding one of the titanium rods in her back broke my god she dances me at the wedding she has currently has a broken titanium rod in her back which is why she looked like a fucking s it was wild but um we got to dance and i'll tell you i was i was crying everybody was crying that one got everybody in the back yeah really that was the

one that like you look around and even the tough customers and just so we're clear harper wasn't invited so he wasn't crying well i was crying for other reasons. I had other reasons I was crying. I have to say it because I accidentally did not invite you and I accidentally did not invite Ivan Carmel. So you were my two screw-ups. You had two jobs this wedding. They were together. Yeah, we were together

plotting your demise. You don't want to know what happened to that vasectomy. But you'll find out. There are quite a few people I didn't invite on purpose and you're not one of them. So solace in that but uh regardless you still weren't there well you can you can take it up with them on the dance floor as you like carmella dana schwartz's wedding yeah yeah we did a dance battle it out yeah i got you i got about my rehearsal dinner suit today on the internet? What's the color? Let me throw three adjectives here at you.

And it's going to seem crazy that they're all together. But when you see it, it's going to make sense. Linen? Double-breasted. Brown. Are you talking about my grandpa? Ooh. Linen Borey?

My double-breasted ground grandfather, Dr. Linen Borey. I feel like you're going to look like Bobby Brown on the cover of Don't Be Cruel in a good way. Yeah. I think I'm going to wear a turtleneck even though it's September. Do it.

Do it. Turtleneck even though it's September. Do it. Wow. Do it. Turtleneck in a chain is a whole thing. Turtleneck, chain, double-breasted linen. Rehearsal dinner and wedding, different outfits. For me? Obviously. That would be insane. Yeah.

Okay. All right. I'm excited. Married life rules. I love it. I'm- That guy for whom Married Life Rules is Sean Jordan on Twitter.

Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean circumshoned on his dick. Yeah, I had a hot glue gun all the time. I was like,

uncircumcise me while you're down there. Take that. Take the two tubes that you cut out and give my penis little horns. Just give it a little wrap. Yeah.

I did love the little candy bowls at your wedding. I love a lot of stuff, but the candy bowls weren't. Pretty sick, right? Yeah. We ended up with like 40 extra pounds of candy that's in the garage I'm trying to get rid of. It is because it's not, I don't need it at the crib. What about Halloween?

Can you say, is it too early to save for Halloween? It is because it's not, I don't need it at the crib. What about Halloween? Can you say, is it too early to save it for Halloween? A lot of it's not wrapped. So we saved, we're saving like the individually wrapped stuff, but a lot of it's like loose gummies and M&M's. Oh yeah, people are going to think it's Molly or something.

I bet it's pretty hard to get rid of like loose gummies in a big way. Yeah. Like not in a small way. there won't be any, there won't be any fertile semen on them for sure. Just unfertile semen. You can guarantee people.

So that's one for sure. I promise you, even if I jizzed on it, it didn't tick. Go knock on your neighbor's door and say, hey, I know this is going to sound weird, but with two handfuls of loose gummies, do you want like a bunch of loose gummies? And I can promise you there's no fertile semen on them. I swear to God, there's no active ingredients that produces a child from semen in this candy here's what i think you should do with the candy dude is get get a shotgun and just jam all the candy in there and then go be a vigilante just blast people

with gummy bears i'll just go find some idiot not doing anything wrong but just like some dork outside of a club in the pearl yeah for years i've been thinking about getting a t-shirt cannon yeah like they range from like 16 to 3800 like it it's not really that much when you think about it and it's endless fun you could shoot candy out of that thing you could shoot so many i don't know i think it's like getting a nordic track where you're gonna use it a lot for a month and then it's just gonna be in the garage that is the risk then you're gonna sell it to me and i'll be like no yeah i'm really gonna use it you just go downtown and you find dudes and you're like bro did you hear what happened to jared leto and then they turn and face you and they're like what and then you blast him in the chest with a

t-shirt cannon of full of candy. Dude, you're not going to believe what happened to Jared Leto. What? Can I tell you I would not turn for that on any street? No. That's why you're not getting shot with a t-shirt can. I'm not looking for you. You would not believe what happened to Jared Leto. You're right.

In my head I would be like, I know he's not talking to me. Here's my thing. I would believe what happened. Almost anything you told me. Well, then I shoot a bunch of purple and green gummies at you. Twisted, bro. Twisted. That is twisted.

That's fucking twisted. Maybe you should melt them down and make a mega gummy. I think you can put, can you put a big meatball sandwich in a t-shirt gun and fire it at someone? You can. Because when I lived in Sacramentoramento we would go to the uh the minor league baseball games there and they had hot dog cannons okay that's the right reaction i'm hearing that story that's That's the right reaction.

Hearing that story. It was during the era of like every award show wanted to do like a fun way to feed the audience. You know, like one of them parachuted peanuts onto the crowd or whatever. And like, I was like, let's load up a bunch of t-shirt cans with burritos and launch them at the audience. And the idea made it pretty far. But then it got like completely shut down. And I think part of that is you'd be launching like you'd be like launching a burrito at like Taylor Swift. the audience and the idea made it pretty far but then it got like completely shut down and i think part of that is you'd be launching like you'd be like launching a burrito at like taylor swift yeah and you know like it could go wrong in a lot of ways what if it killed somebody

at the grammys i mean it's stuck but like to that person's family and everything but like if there was a headline like miguel killed that thing's got a lot of range to reach the very back row of the grammys i just did i don't think you want the miguel smoke to be honest no i've seen the cover of that latest album i don't need that smoke you know smoke, to be honest, Sean. No, I've seen the cover of that latest album. I don't need that smoke. That man is dominating. He'll come at you. I'm going to take my unfertile ass up to Seattle June 2nd. So come down to the hereafter and watch some stand-up that you're really going to enjoy the show.

You will not get pregnant, and we can guarantee that. It's impossible. Doesn't matter what I do. You won't get pregnant. and we can guarantee that. It's impossible. Doesn't matter what I do. You won't get pregnant. We could do it underwater. Unless I grab a fertile man's penis and fill a cup with his ejaculate. I like that idea. Why do you have to?

Unless somebody does it. You don't have to jerk them off at all okay when you go in this is when you go in for so ivf you know you have to take a sample in and on the sheet with the cup on the sheet it says you can't be mixed with saliva and i don't know if i've told you guys this before so that means there's guys out there being like hey will you go down on me and spit it into this cup so i can bring it you know that's what's happening i don't think it all that of course that's not even for a second what i thought that was creative david you think that somebody is like hey yes i'm gonna shit in your mouth

don't talk to me like you didn't grow up with this fine she was on the other foot don't talk to me like you didn't grow up with this. Fine. She was on the other foot. Don't talk to me like you didn't grow up with the kind of dudes I did who would have that kind of harebrained scheme. Nobody could get it over the finish line, though. Brain is the operative word there. Is that what you thought, Ian, when he said that? No, but I also don't think it's so far out of the realm of possibility that someone might... I don't either. It's immediately where my mind went. It seems insane

to me. It is. I mean, it is. But that's that kind of dude, you know? Two shows, June 2nd. Sean Kemp and Gary Payton are both coming. Neither one of them are opening because the show is going to be stacked. It's going to be fun. I guarantee it. Both of them. Did I ever tell you guys about the

Grammys bit that I tried to get across the finish line that I'm the most upset about? Maybe. I can't remember. Elton John was performing Tiny Dancer with Miley Cyrus. And James was going out right after that song.

And I was like, you should go out with Tony Danza.'s yeah yeah oh that would have been great and you should say to him you should say to tony danza i'm so sorry it's but it's a huge misunderstanding i'm just now realizing yeah danza wasn't in right and danza wasn't in yeah danza's agent was like it's not a good look for him i'm like i feel like that's the best look for him what is he doing people have been saying that forever yeah i think that's one of those things where they didn't actually run it up the flagpole i guarantee you they didn't ask him i guarantee you you're by the way you're out there with fucking elton john and

miley cyrus yeah when is that gonna happen again you're gonna be out there with i don't think alissa milano's even taking those calls at this point no way she's got that like mlb apparel line now she's too busy yeah she's like dog that's a good day for you anyway seattle yeah seattle at the year after june 2nd you'll notice i'm for the first time not telling you not to go you'll notice you'll notice and now you're gonna be in seattle the day after right yeah i'll be in seattle the day after sure but i don't like i i prefer i'll be in seattle on june 3rd right performing at the hereafter sure same venue it's the same venue i'll be there june 3rd at the same venue performing uh stand-up comedy uh and i just for me i like to get to the city the day before i'm performing just in case there are any travel

yeah i like to stick around sometimes just for fun like yeah yeah gary where are you gonna where would you perform oh i don't even i don't know about all that i'm just saying i like to stick around okay and likes to go early yeah you know he did just officiate my wedding yeah so we might we might be hanging out who knows man i don't know who knows tend to be friends who knows i might go get my vasectomy reversed up there i just yeah shit maybe i like surgery on my show which is on june 3rd at the hereafter i only have the one show so make sure you buy tickets to it do that uh you have gary payton and sean kemp i have steve largent dude oh baby wow you mean one of the best white receivers of all time steve largent hand warmers built into the jersey dude steve largent i'm gonna be living largent on stage steve largent is doing 35 he's gonna run the light

yeah oh wait there's shane going by steve largent these days steve extra large steve largest oh my dick hurts man Oh, my dick hurts. Largent's holding up, man. Largent looks good. I guarantee that. I bet. Oh, that hurt.

I bet. He's probably a grandfather now, but I bet, like, wherever he goes, where there's other moms or grandmas his age, he's, like, the toast of the town. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, people are like oh steve's here like to see his hawk yeah dude yeah oh there it is there it is and that's why that shit's behind a paywall ladies and gentlemen two. Two paywalls. Athletic answers

XM. Double down. You can't get to him? You can't get to him? This is my town. David Borey is here. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. How you doing, buddy? I'm good, man. I'm good.

Crazy thing that I'll tell you guys after this. I forgot to tell you before. Oh, man. I'm good. Crazy thing that I'll tell you guys after this. I forgot to tell you before. I'm doing all right. I like that. You won Powerball. I won the Powerball. You'll never see me again.

I now own Dubai. There it is. Yeah. You can drink there now. No, I'm good, man uh nothing crazy coming up come see me on june 10th and 11th in houston at the riot i i think i think they're adding one extra show i think on friday night now or set they're adding a super late show on like Friday or Saturday night. Also, it's not through.

I might be doing a pretty big show in the Bay Area towards the end of June. So keep your eyes open for that. Other than that, you know, watch out for detox. Are they going to throw on one of those ill-advised midnight shows in Houston where you're like, I don't know. I've had some pretty good fun. I've had some pretty good fun lately. Is that at that secret group?

No, that new spot, the riot. I don't know the riot. I bet it's bright, though. Yeah, it's brand new. I think Sam Townsend this weekend, which doesn't matter because they're not going to hear it. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good. A lot of all the friends have been there.

Looks like it's going to be fun. and houston i'm down to get weird i haven't been there for a while since before pandemic so i love houston me too some sam talent was just there and he texted me he said that he was like every girl in houston looks like rihanna or don't say sloan and i was like i love my odds either way i'm home baby i was in houston for a night in october it would have been october and and it was late like bars were kind of closing down in a break dance battle between two white guys broke out out of nowhere uh one of them was really good the other one was not ready yeah that happens wow i can see that i was in houston i was

driven in a car i think it was by some local comedians who explained like really broke down in in-depth detail uh the dj screwed chopped and screwed swish a house thing and like played a bunch of songs and like oh dj michael 5000 watts and all that yeah the hue like the whole history of the houston like uh chopped and screwed scene on the way to an amazing gay bar where we went in and i had the time of my life dancing by myself on the dance floor oh yeah yeah sometimes you gotta work it out by yourself i was working it out fully by myself there were a couple there were a couple guys who you know were like making like light passes at me i let it happen right right i'm a gay bar oh it's fantastic they had there was what was that place oh gosh it was it's on like it's on like sunset or something everybody used to go

there after shows in la yes they had uh like a a dance night one night and i got hit on a few times and it was a blast yeah just like i didn't know akbar was a gay bar for a long time and then i've never been in there one time and i was like why is this buff ass bartender only wearing suspenders i had such a every time we went there it's such a good time it was so fun yeah there's not there's not that asshole energy i don't know it's it's it's dope well there in a way there is maybe i see on paper you know what i mean i had minor surgery yesterday i'm kind of slow zach harper is here he of the athletic he of series xm radio he of xenophobe

yeah all about your behind paywalls you can't get to Cinephobe you can get to it's the number one podcast on the internet that's what a lot of people are saying it's the number one I believe so somewhere up there more like the number two because it's poop

or because it's the shit we don't like to get that rude. I don't know. It must be the code. You guys are saying this in the middle of vehicle month. We're doing vehicle month right now on Cinepho. So we did Dude, Where's My Car?

We did Taxi starring Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon. Of course. We did Soul Plane. And this is coming out Thursday? Yeah. Thursday. Maximum Overdrive with our special guest, Michelle Beadle. How about that? So you have guests on there?

Once a month, yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. That's crazy. Interesting. Crazy. Guess what?

Guess what, Sean? We've already done belly. Oh! Beth thought that. Man. Wow. Now my stomach hurts for a different reason, and I just had surgery on my testicles yesterday. That's why my stomach should hurt.

David, have you been a guest on Cinephobe? I don't even have the internet. Interesting. David, have you seen Belly? No, I don't even. Have you seen Belly 2? The documentary? Yes. Yeah, the documentary.

The Hype Williams critically acclaimed documentary? Have you seen Belly to the Grave, DMX's worst movie? I thought Belly 2 was with the game. Belly to the Grave must die. No, it was just Romeo must die. Cradle to the Grave thing I was doing. But Belly 2 is really with the game. Belly 2 is with the game, yeah.

Never seen it. What movie would you like to do ian on oh what's a bad like it's got to be poorly rated it's got to be 40 or lower for the audience or the how do you remember belly's rating by the way it's got to be down there it was low it's got to be low it's not it's not close to the lowest we've done but it was pretty low but it, I think it had one of the biggest disparities from the critics to the audience. That's what I was going to say. It wasn't for the critics. It was for the streets. Yeah. Exactly.

Bless Nas forever, but the gentleman is not an actor. He had some rough ones there. DMX is fine to me. What? What, Ian? Speaking of the gentleman, I watched the movie The Gentleman the other day. Yeah. You know what? Is that with of the gentleman i watched the movie the gentleman the other day yeah it's you know what is that with all the young guys i liked it it's not bad oh the british one yeah it's a guy yeah yeah yeah hugh grant's like fully gray from

sons of anarchy yeah yeah charlie hunnam char, I liked that movie. It was a good movie. And I felt like when it came out, when it came out, I felt like when it came out, you can keep it straight. I felt like when it came out, people was well disrespectful. I feel like people didn't

really give it any love at all. And I watched it and I was like, fuck, this is fantastic. No, I just watched, I'm in the same boat, I just watched like give it any like love at all and i watched it i was like fuck this is fantastic no i just watched i'm in the same boat i just watched uh boys on the side i felt the same way yeah yeah yeah very sad who is that whoopi goldberg yeah yeah mary louise parker not a lot of aids movies want no no those are dried up not what just like shots nuts nothing in there dude no uh-uh stuff still comes out huh my man my man shit is like the dust bowl in there he said he said he said it something still comes out he said your balls now is just a post office in a building that used to have a pizza hut in it it's a midwestern mall just there's a dmv open in there and that's it

no but for real if you're thinking about getting a vasectomy go do it man yeah no i'll tell you man it was simple i i don't know i don't know if maybe something goes awry tonight or if I got lucky, but it was after watching everything that Laura had to go through, the only thing I could have done less is not go get it. This is the least you could do to help. Nobody's out here comparing vasectomies to pregnancy, right? You should try that with her. You should just be like, so which one do you think is worse? Yeah. Who do you think?

I mean, you weren't in the room. I was in the room for you, so I think I'm the only one that really knows. These eyes were on both. Feels like she's got to watch that kid for the next couple months. Dude, it's so funny.

Yeah, I'll probably pop another hydro tonight and watch Belly since we're on it. I still got to relax for a whole day before I lift something. I looked it up. 16% from the critics score, 87% from the audience. Uh-huh. Wow.

What's that tell you? Sounds about right. Critics are cowards. Surely you guys have done Bad Boys too. No, we have not. That's still on the board. I mean, that's... If you would like to...

Martin Lawrence Month is coming, so... Yes! Oh, man. What else is it? Martin Lawrence? I think boomerang boomerang does not qualify. Yeah. Blue streak. I think qualifies. I think

rebound qualifies where he's a basketball coach. Yeah. Big mom's house. Yeah. Black night. Black night. Black night probably qualifies. I'll just guess on that one all of those movies are dank in different ways through i got the headlamp yeah oh this is dope you guys are dope it really is it really really is i'm in a really good mood just whatever yeah i am cranked up on happy pills.

I only took half of one last night, dude. I know what got a hold of my dad. So I steer clear, but my stomach was pain and something fierce last night. So I took one. I'll probably take another half tonight because I got to sleep on my back still. And then after that, I'll probably just throw them away,

which, you know, it's tough. Just sell them at the skate park. Mix them in with those gummies and put them in a bowl at the park. mix them in with those gummies and put them in a bowl at the park with some of your non-active semen here's three things one of them is not in this bowl of candy active semen non-active semen crushed up hydrocodone one of them is not in there all three of them might not be in there, but I guarantee one's not. What if it was crushed up hydro

and so there was both inactive and active semen? That'd be buck. This is all buck. This is all buck thing to sell to kids. I'm not selling it. I don't want to make any money. This is all free. What if the vasectomy was like

one out of every 10 times there is active semen but you don't know which one it is here's something uh you still you have three months worth piled up in there still yeah that sounds about right i guarantee i don't you do a lot of harpers sitting in there i'm running the numbers over here. Yeah, it's just remember my mom listens to this. This is upsetting. I wish I hadn't said that. Your dad just DM'd me a picture of a guy who looks like Popeye in real life. He sent that to me too.

He sent me this video of an eagle attacking the shit out of a wolf. He's like, eagles are no joke. I'm like, yeah, I'm with you. He's right. They're no joke i'm like yeah i'm with you right you're no joke you are my dad i saw there was this site it's something on instagram that i no longer follow anymore but i did and it was a dog slipping down and an alligator hopped up and then it could video cut out and they go to see the rest of the video go to whatever and you're like why why would i want to see the rest of that video but uh so i unfollowed him and i also brought it down somebody rescues that dog that's what i'm

hoping eminem eagle eagles aren't to be messed with m m rescues that dog battle raps the crocodile do you serious question do you think eminem likes animals do you serious question do you think eminem likes animals yes i think it could go extremely either way that's exactly what it is right i think he's got a hamster that he tolerates and that's it i think he either hates them or he only feels he can communicate with them it's one of the other yeah yeah he just built like a fake fake like walgreens in his house filled with animals and he just goes there so he can feel like he's part of the normal public. Right. Sure.

I don't understand why it's a Walgreens, but I like you. I like it, though. I like you. Thanks. Thanks, guys. Thanks for being cool about that one. It really fell flat. It was nice of you.

My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, I see you. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish COVID-19 California tracker app. You can find me on there for- They're keeping tabs on you? Probably another day or two. Come see me in Seattle at the Hereafter, June 3rd.

Me, Edgar Martinez, okay? Marshawn Lynch is going to be there. All right? I'm going to bring Simon Banner out to my show. Ricky Runnin' Waters is going to be there, dude. Look out for and Ryan Lewis. I'm going to bring Griffin Gas, dude.

And Ryan Lewis. And Ryan Lewis. We don't have Macklemore, but and Ryan Lewis. And Ryan Lewis. We don't have Macklemore, but and Ryan Lewis will be there. Dude, I'm going to bring Sir Mix-a-Lot. Who are those first two names

you said, skateboarders? Yeah, they skate for Girl and Makai and they're dope. God, if they showed up. I know some skateboarders listen to this. Come hang out in Seattle.

We got loose gummies. We got loose gummies. We got loose gummies. We got Oxycodone. We got loose gummies. It's not Oxy. Laura keeps calling it Oxy and I'm like, hey, it's not Oxy. We got loose gummies.

We got Oxycodone. Come on up. It's a hell of a festival lineup. I'm not out here crushing and snorting Oxy. It's hydrocodone that I'm crushing and snorting okay yeah yeah and injecting into my bag we got a we got a signed maverick helmet it's gonna be fucking crazy that weekend everybody's gonna feel safe here you guys want to hear this these shows there's three of them total between the betwixt us they sell out that signed maverick's helmet is coming with me and it's going to be it's going to be it'll be on my head for half of both of my shows guaranteed do not

take that off are you going to check it as a bit like a bag i'll be driving dude so i'm just gonna fill it with drugs oh that's right yeah i'll be checksing this bag how else are we supposed to get the oxy up to fucking... Wouldn't that be funny if you just handed him a clearly full of pills and you're like, I'd like to check this. I did have to... I took it through security. The Maverick helmet.

Did you tell anybody what was going on? I would have. I would have told every person. It says Maverick. I wore it through most of the airport. Did it make you feel brave? Well, I mean, that's the benefit of having clear. They won't ask you any questions.

You just put it on and you just pretend to be an airplane going through the Starbucks line. You walk into the pilot's lounge. Gentlemen. What if you did, if you like went up to like a Delta gate with that on, you're like, I heard Captain Johnson can't make it today. I'm killing it. Just walk into the pilot's lounge like, like oh still doing 737s huh you just got my own i brought my own cock show me where the pit is you can really say that walking into a lot of bars yeah and then get getting one of those viral airport fights

i mean i'd be in a viral fight no matter where it was right now because you have covid 19 covid 19 uh if you're in anywhere in the pacific northwest come to these shows man uh buy tickets to mine specifically yeah make sure you do that but uh i've already sold quite a few tickets so steve largent will be on my show so i'll wear those somebody sent me some og griffies back in the day i should wear those yeah they sent them to me but if you're in portland if you're in seattle if you're in the surrounding areas uh bellingham tacoma spokane olympia renton a story later kent squim squim all right you all are just floating in the puget sound all right if you're five if you're in twisp if you're in walla walla uh-huh if you're in any of the tri-cities all right if you're in

vancouver british columbia if you're in victoria british columbia if you're in kennewick come on out springfield bow yeah especially if you're in Polesbow. Chihalis? If you know about us, if you're in Polesbow and you don't come to the show and we find out about it, that's not the end of something. That's the beginning of something, and you're going to wish it was the end. You should drive up from that Air Force base that has a skate park where somebody turned an AK on me when I tried to go to said skate park. McCord Air Force Base? Yeah. Joint base, Louis McCord? Yeah. turned an ak on me when i tried to go to said skate park mccord air force base yeah joint lewis

joint also for lewis yeah yeah dude came out with an ak did i tell you that i'm sure i did but you're not military what'd you say to him i didn't i was like do it dude i put it on my forehead and i was like do it he said i got the cock where's the pit and just i got this helmet makes me feel brave and and I got out of the car with a brick I go your gun versus my brick and this helmet and he ran away anyway if you're in Mount Vernon

if you're in Federal Way hey shout out to Sacagawea Junior High School if you're camping up on St. Helens yeah if you're on St. Helens if you're anywhere near Wenatchee Wenatchee, Wenatchee, Wenatchee, when at you i think you want more of a snoqualmie than a one at you yeah if you're if you're in snoqualmie make sure you come on out and that goes down from issaquah if you're in issaquah roll on down from issaquah shout out to modest mouse if you're if you're

in yakima yeah don't talk back ama yeah aberdeen yeah all that south bend dude if you're in miami buy a plane ticket i know i fly out buy one anyways it's gonna be me and sean dude there's someone coming from houston oddly enough you're just talking about that there's someone coming from houston they tweeted from houston yeah no no he's not no he's micronesian he does out of nampay's mouth i don't know if i can say i don't know what that there are floor people yeah i don't want to say that but it's out of his mouth i don't think it's a right i don't know that i don't know that it's i don't think it's racist he said it about micronesians he's micronesian and more than that i just don't think it's a thing i don't i don't even think that's like what it means my dad went out whatever my dad saw micronesian he'd say you know they sleep

on the floor but he was it was just nick trying nick is one of the more magnanimous people you'll ever meet and it was just him trying to be there was only one spot in the bed and he said i'll sleep on the floor and micronesian were a floor people although maybe they are a floor people some people maybe beds are a cultural thing might be good for your back we all just kind of slept where we slept that night that might have been the spaghetti the the trays the leather what was it the leather menus as trays night oh boy i don't even know that well that was a the dice fell where they fell where they lay that night. I definitely slept on the floor that night.

I was a floor person that night. That was the first time we ever met, dude. How sick is that? It was so fun. Now, we are gathered here today not to talk about whatever silly thing we were just talking about,

but also to fantasy draft Tom Cruise movies, Top Gun Maverick, not to say a pick, not to say two picks. I think we all know what the roster is here. We sure do.

It's fucking phenomenal. What better time to celebrate? Perhaps the last great movie star, Tom Cruise. Yeah, man. This is the first, probably the first ever list in almost 300 of these that i actually went through in order of my i actually really did this like i was picking a team almost like yeah i'm thrilled once not really not like this i did it off top and i knew where i was going and i if things get taken i know what's going in their place like i already have. I have things in like labeled in order.

This is the first, this is the most thought I've put into one. I thought you would take this one pretty seriously. Yeah. But also the easiest. It was like right up top. I have a note in my notes app that is titled Tom Cruise movies. Big board. Yeah.

This one is tough because I didn't realize that there's not a lot of fat on this career. There's not. Like, you know what I mean? There's not a lot of Weekend at Bernie's type fuck around. Nope. Pretty much every movie was a hit or trying to be a hit. Or trying to be a hit. There we go. Or trying to be. Yeah.

There's a couple clunkers in there for sure. Wasn't his fault. Not his fault. And some just like insane runs. There's one in particular that we'll talk about when we get done one run where I was like, geez, dude, those are. Yeah. All in one. Well, I mean, let's not tally any further.

Let's get to it. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Harper wins. He throws scissors to a couple of rocks. This first round is

going to be harrowing. It's going to be a blood letting. Zach Harper, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question that that's a great question that's a great question both sorry i looked back at my i'm already paranoid about this first round man

yeah right you were looking i'm like no it's like if you're in a dog fight and there's a there's someone there's a mig on your six and you don't know what to do so you're watching is your six which is behind you bro so you roll to the left a little bit and you just kind of hang out rolled over to the left and you're worried about missile lock and you can you have an idea that their their target's kind of going around trying to missile lock you and then you hear it beep right when you hear it beep you roll to the right you go all the way back over to the other side missile lock's gone you hang on on the right for a while and then they're back on your six they get close too close for missile lock.

They got to switch to guns. So then they just start shooting. As they start shooting, boom, back over to the left. And then you get over there. They get back over. They missile lock. And then all of a sudden, someone comes up behind you, shoots them. Their entire plane explodes.

The other MiGs bug out. And then the movie cuts before it tells you that we are now in the middle of world war three which is what would happen in real life if that situation ever played out i watched not to not to name picks i was i watched it before and we knew we were doing this because i just was watching movies yesterday i saw that for the first time i was like that's world that's World War III. Did you wear your helmet while you were watching it? I did not.

Oh, man. You know what's crazy? That's what I got it for you for. You're crazy? I watched it last night. Did you? So did I. Yeah. I swear, not knowing, I found out about this pod today,

and I was watching it last night before I went to bed. And then when I got your text, Ian, I was like, oh, my God. It's in the air. It's in the air. It's like one of those things when you see it on Netflix, you're like, of course. We'll be talking about it shortly, so let's just get started and then we'll start talking about it.

It's going to get taken within the next five minutes. Basically, you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. With that in mind, Zach, what would the order be? You know what? I miss him him so i'm gonna give david the first pick i'll go second that car bro sean's nuts will go third sean's nuts and ian's got the hot corner hot corner hot corner now david and harper remind you there's a

lot of tom cruise movies out there yeah that's the fucked up thing is we were just talking about it and i want to take it but i also got there's also like two don't feel three or four that i think you don't have to do anything no you don't until right after we take this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm gonna hit you. We're gonna talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age.

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Welcome back to All Things The Everything. The only podcast that has ever existed except, of course, for Cinephile. But that's behind a paywall. It's right there free. $60, $70 a month. Only thing. It's right there free. $60, $70 a month. Only thing I do that it's free.

Hard to get to. Everything else. It's the robber. You're better off trying to get into a fortress. If it was free, I'd say listen to it. But yeah, it's tough that it's so hard to get. It's a paywall. It's a paywall. I used to have a paywall on both sides of my testicles.

And they cut it out. they cut it out yesterday what if you're just doing dave coulier material the whole time the whole operation how do you think i got this far not it out i've been trimming from the cool since day one i call that's what i call trimming from the cool since day one. That's what I call it. I call it the cool. Trimming from the cool. Is that what you call stealing Dave Coulier's material?

Trimming from the cool. A lot of people don't realize the black people vs. N-Words bit from Chris Rock. Stolen from Coulier. Coulier, dude. It's a lot more controversial when he did it. This was originally Newfies vs. People from the rest of Canada. Right, right, right. Yeah. he was like he was at a

he was at a yuck yucks in manitoba and he heard a yuck coulier and he flew back to hollywood california Yuck, yucks. In Manitoba, he heard a young coulier. And he flew back to Hollywood, California. Somebody get HBO on the phone. I'm about to fuck shit up.

I've been trimming from the cool. I'm trimming from the cool. Oh, man. that's hilarious covid 19 oh god not a joke people i know david david wasn't wearing a mask this whole time david let this be an example i'm not from south dakota i'm vaxxed waxed yeah you and sam are going there for the second year in a row to do my home state's comedy festival. Boy, that'll really cut your butt.

Weird they didn't ask you to do it, though, huh? They sure didn't. I know you're listening, whoever the fuck you are. I ride for that state's harder than their shitty governor. I can't tell. I'm coming back for the second time. I've never seen you there. I was born

a stone's throw from where you're going to be shoveling that dog shit out of your mouth. You and Sam both. You know what? They don't talk about it.

It's crazy. Welcome to South Dakota, the home of David Borey. Might as well put a silent g on rushmore while you're at it they give me free jamokas at the arby's out there ask about me oh david bory it's time for the first pick pick something stupid no i gotta take because i was like they're all hits so i wanted to take in that 90s run the one that was the biggest hit for me uh one of the first sex scenes i ever remember so much like what oh yeah i'm taking jerry mcguire whoa i was nine yeah yeah so like it was like because it was like one of those movies that you were allowed to watch when they rented it from

blockbuster but it was it was 99 is that or you were nine i was nine it was 96 okay yeah yeah 96 you know gross 274 at the block bus at the box office nothing to shake your head at and to me it's just such a 90s movie it's got that 90s lighting oh yeah you know what i mean 90s lighting that blown out renee zell wicker looks like you could see through her yeah and uh yeah just so many photos in that movie right right and like how much comedy after that whether it was in sitcoms or stand-up bits or movies oh god did you hear somebody say you complete me still here to this day dude all of show me the money all that stuff all that show me the money was huge now my one criticism is to me this is more of an Aries Spears movie.

It is a Jay Moore Aries Spears vehicle for sure. You know what's wild? Could you imagine if they filmed it and went to the comedy store? Like, yeah. I used to see Aries Spears. I remember when I worked in the Arden Fair Mall in Sacramento. Anytime

he was in town to do comedy, he was at GameStop or EB Games or whatever it was called. He was there. Every time I walked by it, he was in that thing. So Jerry Maguire, I've done shows with three people from that movie, Jay Moore, Aries Spears, and Jerry O'Connell. It's pretty tight. Oh, yeah, Jerry O'Connell's in it.

Jerry O'Connell to a standout? No, but he was on Douglas Movies with me one time. I was on it with him, rather. Oh, wait, aren't you guys good friends or something? something he texted me so he found out i lived in portland and he goes my wife's gonna be there shooting a show da da da you know the pleasantries and then we exchange numbers and then four days later he sends me a like a selfie of him in front of big pink and he's like i'm in portland dude what's up i's crazy. And, you know, I was out of town still, but it was done. Yeah.

You could have hung out with Jerry O'Connell in Portland. I never, I never, you know, that thing where it's like, call the most famous person in your phone. He, that, he's still in there. And I think the time has passed where I could give him a holler, but. You should send him a selfie in front of you. Text him right now. Just say, hey, post vasectomy.

What's up? Hey, man, I did it. How you living? Yeah. You know that thing we didn't talk about eight years ago? I did it. There's a lot of good Tom Cruise movies. This is the only one where he yells out, I love black people.

Yeah, it really is. I checked. It's also such a 90s movie to me such a 90s movie such a movie of the time but it did impact pop culture so much with like show me the money you had me at hello what's another there's another big one in there jonathan lip nicky no but there's another like just him who's like an mma fighter now or something isn't he oh really oh yeah i know he's a bodybuilder yeah that was a part who's coming with me who's coming with me i'll tell you what one of the other one like help me help you yes yes help me help me help you you had me at hello. Is it Cameron Crowe who did it?

I think it is. Sounds right to me. It does sound right, doesn't it? Cameron Crowe, yeah. Yeah, good job. It's just so good. So star-studded. He wasn't like an action star in it.

Correct me if I'm super wrong, but it was one of the first ones where it wasn't like an action film a little bit yeah through an airport runs down the hallway after like a hockey oh it's all way or something yeah there's so many good scenes in it too like in the beginning too when he's talking about uh when that kid that little kid's dad like it's a concussion or whatever and jerry mcguire is being total jerry mcguire looking at his phone he's like your dad's good though your dad's made a steal nothing can stop him and he looks back down on his phone and the kid goes fuck you and you're like it really i don't know lands like that he hasn't changed also it's very fun to watch there's the sex scene where he's with uh i guess he becomes yeah yeah yeah yeah

i specifically remember the exchange of her saying never stop stop fucking me. And he's like, I'm going to have to, at some point. Yeah. I just always thought that was so funny. Everybody remembers that. Yeah. Yeah. Or I mean,

by everybody, I mean me. It was the first. I'd love to not stop, but I'll tell you, I know I'm Tom Cruise. I got to stop. I bet you he does it.

I bet you he puts it on cruise control and he can just Zen out. Cruise control. That's why it's called that dude yes that's why it's called he just set a nice steady rhythm so you're just edging for as long as you feel like it's do you think there's any way in 2022 tom cruise could be in another rom-com yeah of course yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know he's so tom cruise now oh yeah but i think that's why it would work though i think i think it would be this of course i almost think it would be like like nick cage being in a movie where he's nick cage right like i think it'd be so almost referential's Nick Cage. I think it'd be so almost referential in a way, and I think it would be

obvious what he's doing, and I think that you could make that work. He's also like 50, right? He's a Tom Cruise-esque person. I don't think he could play like Joe Blow in a rom-com, but I think he could play like a successful, maybe not even a likable person. Maybe he's like the smarmy role in a rom-com but i think he could play like a successful maybe not even a likable person maybe

he's like the the smarmy role in a rom-com but yeah of course he he will do another one tom i don't know he's gonna turn 60 on july 3rd i don't think he will do another one i would we'll be friends until i don't know one of us is dead so i'll bet you i think he's really gonna do i mean yeah yeah all right yeah the only way out the only way out to body bag so that's right i don't know that he can i i feel like he has so much baggage and he's so i'm with you like got blown out speakers you know what i mean like he doesn't need them because these cars like revving i if it's if it's good enough i could see a metaphor no i feel what you're saying but i if it's good

enough i could see him doing it and he's gonna get older and he's gonna want to chill out a little bit i know it doesn't seem like it but it's going to happen it does not seem like who do you realistically romantically pair him with like even in a movie now that's the other one too he's like that's a great that's a great question if it's like a mountain was it's like if it comes up in this draft i don't think it will but if it does come up there is a movie where he was like an action star and it's a rom-com it but you know let's not say it but if it does come up then you could do that there's a way to do that but i feel that, but now we have Tom Cruise who's done nothing but action movies. Like weirdly this last 10, 15 years of his career has been the most action movie.

You know, it wasn't what he was like a young guy. He's consistently pushing it more and more to the limit of what he's doing. To what even is like a movie or what an actor should be expected to do or like what an actor does. Who has the co-headlining? It's like Tom Cruise and J Balvin. I don't know.

That would be insane. Now that's a rom-com I'd watch. So let's cut that out. We're going to write this deck here of trying to figure out how this. We're going to write this deck here of trying to figure out how this. But if it's like Tom Cruise and even like Julia Roberts, someone who's like kind of age appropriate and almost as big of a star. Yeah. Even that seems crazy because you'd be like, well, Julia Roberts can play a person.

And I don't know that Tom Cruise can play a person anymore. I mean, Sandy Bullock, maybe? Oh, yeah. Hey, man, the Dream Factory is full of tricks, dude. They, you know, who knows Factory is full of tricks, dude. Who knows what they're going to pump out. What if it was him and Queen Latifah? Okay, yeah. Take my money.

It's called the equalizer too. The freequalizer, dude. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Man, Hollywood could just cherry pick out of this draft some dude's gonna name their car that it's gonna be an el camino yeah or like a tourist because he's just a dick yeah it's an

el camino with a waterbed front seat holy buckets uh harper time for your first pick all right this is tough it's really tough to get a first one no it isn't i didn't have jerry mcguire going first off the board so this messes me up even more yeah yeah that is all right get out of the first with that i don't know if i can get away with this i thought i was gonna get out of the first i know i don't know if i can get away with this tropic thunder of course you can get out of the first. I know. I don't know if I can get away with this Tropic Thunder. Of course you can. Whoa. Yeah, that's insane. That's one of my favorite movies. I love that movie.

I think it revived his career. This is why it revived. You're right. He was dead in the water. You're right and it might be the most important movie he's done. You're right because yeah because he I mean he was he was in Scientology hell And it might be the most important movie he's done. You're right. Because of that.

You're right. Because he, I mean, he was in Scientology hell, right? Or that actually is probably an actual thing that we're not allowed to discuss. But he was off in like excommunicado from Hollywood with all these stories and everything. And then he came out and he was so funny. And so what's the name? The less grossman. Is that the last girl? Yeah. Yeah.

Last girl. Yeah. He was so perfect and not Tom Cruise in that role. And it completely opened Hollywood back up to him and has given him this further run. I didn't know it was him when I saw it. He definitely hit a whole new gear. Yeah. Which is crazy that late.

Where's the key grip? Go hit him in the face yeah yeah hard i didn't know it was him when i saw it someone had to break it down to me he played he's a funny he's actually like a funny guy having shot like a few sketches with him now like he he really is like a funny dude and i guess that was the first time he really let people see that in a way that wasn't tom cruisey yeah oh yeah and all his other movies he's kind of annoying when he tries to be funny to be honest yeah right you're right about the jump starting the career back like he he wasn't i i think he he would have

something was going to do it and that was just the thing that did it yeah but uh yeah this is a really good point because he also had some clunkers around that era. Yeah. He did. He did. But it also opened the door to like bring certain things back and put him in other positions to really explode. Yeah. It did make him a lot more likable though.

Interesting one to pick first. I will say it's also, if you want to have a well-rounded roster of Tom Cruise movies, there aren't a lot of comedies to pick from. Yeah. Facts, facts, facts. Yeah. I mean, I thought that would be a little bit later because it's a bit part, but it is definitely important and a fantastic movie.

For me, because of the importance, and it's important to me. It's one of my favorite comedies. I can watch it and laugh as hard as I did the first time. You know what else is great? It's Matthew McConaughey. He's so funny in that. Yep. He's so of my favorite comics. I can watch it and laugh as hard as I did the first time. It's Matthew McConaughey. He's so funny in that. Yep. He's so funny in that movie. And it's one of those.

He calls them tugger nuts, right? Yeah. Tugger nuts. Tugger nuts. And. Did they get you the TiVo? Did they get you the TiVo? Ben Stiller wrote it and directed it.

And I, you know, I think he's kind of an underrated director. Yeah. Severance. I think it's a banger all the way through. Yeah. Severance. He directed Cable Guy. Like he directed all like all kinds of things cable guy is one of the best movies ever cable guy no he wrote it he wrote it yeah uh but cable guys it's it's almost perfect there's one tiny little weird part about what jack black is pretending he plays basketball? No, God, that's...

Because that didn't feel like very real. That didn't feel right, yeah, for sure. Even the way he was holding it. So Jack Black has played once in this league, and this is it? Because he ain't here every week. I'll tell you that for free. Not even because he's a big guy.

He's clearly not a... Right now. I just... Steven, feed me the rock. I love that he's like, oh, we're playing prison rules i see that movie is so but we're not drafting we're talking about tom cruise but yes i i'm with you with tropic thunder it's a good call i didn't see it going first i think it's one of his best roles i honestly think it's one of like the five best roles he's ever done it really is people either he doesn't like to commit to comedy

that often or people are afraid to use them in comedies but he's so fucking good but i think because of what i think david said like he's so weird in trying to be funny right it is like there's a few movies i'm thinking of specifically where they would do they would have him try to do funny stuff he always just came off like a dick to me at least yeah like it was like also from a producer or whatever standpoint or director like if you have tom cruise you're probably going to want to make tom cruise money and people are going to buy that action role more than like a comedy comedic role you know or before it was like hot cool dude he was right yeah yeah yeah i guess comedy like in a lot of ways comedy is commitment and that is a that someone who will commit to a role in a lot of ways it is in most ways it's not a lot of ways

it is but commit like comedic acting like committing to a venture yeah tropic thunder amazing yeah john jordan a lot of stuff still on the board yeah he's gonna take it yeah yeah i i mean thanks i feel like you guys are being nice because i just had uh surgery on my testicles i appreciate it but yeah top gun i mean it's so looking at the run if you look without naming pics but if you look at his imdb in order I didn't realize that that was kind of the first movie where he was Tom fucking Cruz. He wasn't, he was in some really big budget movies before that,

but he wasn't him yet. And that movie made him him. And that to me, I mean, that's the whole, the whole jet, like Tom Cruise is that movie. It's everything about it is tom cruise the cockiness the smile

still when he had the tooth in the middle of his mouth and you're like he's still gorgeous he's pulling that off somehow he still had the snaggle tooth and top gun not snaggle but it's like in the middle of his his angel's kiss you know like straight down he's still got a middle tooth does he still have a middle tooth oh yeah i thought he got it fixed no no no he had a snaggle right ah something i don't know he just looks perfect i mean my friend's parents grew up with him quintessential 80s movie it's just a lot of it doesn't make a ton of sense if you watch it it's pretty like goose dies and then tom scarrett walks into the i know it's because it's fresh in my mind tom scarrett walks in and mav is in his underwear and tom scarrett's like you gotta let

him go now that is probably the day that goose died because the next in the next couple scenes they say something like he lost his best friend two days ago or some shit so you're like tom scarrett walks in and says you need to let him go get over it hours after he dies so many it was a different time but it's just a it wasn't like sweaty all the time it's so perfect they're highly they're weapons dude so he does he needs to let it go because what if he doesn't need to let it go what if he needs to go fly a jet later that day because also ice man's on his ass on his ass it is it is so so awesome i just there's there's a scene where they're in that first bar where they go to like meet whatever where they're all at school together and they go to the bar that first night where he meets kelly miguelis they cut to ice man three different times and there's a woman

like draped over his shoulder and he just couldn't look like more of a prick he's got his shades on inside which a bar i now know are dark and he's drinking what looks like water and this woman says something he just kind of looks over at her like she's bugging him it's the same shot three times it's just yeah he does look pretty cool at that bar just a perf it's just so funny when can i ask you how old were you the first time you kind of saw it as an adult where you're like this is also hilarious when i was in college we watched it a bunch when i was in college it was like one of the one of the tape one of the vhs's that we had right maybe dvd but we would watch it once or twice a week and fully fully know how ridiculous it was right like watching the volleyball scene like but i love it i mean no it's great no it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it doesn't matter i

just want you to think about now yeah like when you see it though when you have it without that sheen off you're like this is really funny well it's when you realize too that kenny loggins was a soundtrack machine because he had danger zone and playing with the boys on that and you're like those are two hits plus footloose yeah yeah i mean he i mean he dude the soundtracks kenny loggins is honored just like it's crazy over the top footloose caddyshack i mean he's killing it but he's got two songs in top gun and then the volleyball scene alone there's a line in the in playing with the boys where he's like after after chasing sunsets one of life's simple joys is playing with the boys and they're all playing beach volleyball with no shirt on,

and they're dog tags, and they're wearing jeans, and you're like, yes, dude. I just remember he leaves abruptly, right? They tie up the games, and he's like, I got to go, and I'm just thinking like, there is sand everywhere on you. You've just been in jeans in the sand playing volleyball, diving all over the place, and I just thought, like, you've got to be so uncomfortable.

Oh, yeah, you do. yeah it's raw so raw there's no way you're ready for fucking when he go he so they don't though he goes to the crib he walks in he's like i'm i'm going to take a shower and she's like nope i'm hungry they eat and then he dips so they they don't actually do it that time he does take a shower though right oh you're right he takes a shower and then he dips but they don't do it that night. When does he take her breath away? He takes her breath away after she dogs him out in flight school. And then he dips, he gets all, he gets all upset. He dips, she chases him down and she's like, I can't say this in front of them, but you

have, there's real genius in your flying. And I didn't want them to know that I've fallen for you. And then boom, jump cut to them in the bedroom, bedroom wind blowing silhouettes of their tongues just wrapped around each other i wish that everybody in the world could see you do that tongue they don't do that in movies anymore but their tongues were like their tongues were pounding inverted yeah man it is it's been a while since i watched it and when i watched it last night i did not remember the order of that movie like the sequence of events like i was all over the i was like wait that happens now it's all because it's still alive like i all over the i was all

over the place you know what else you learn in that movie or like it reinforces is the power of movie stardom because you've got who's uh what's that kelly mcgillis play is the love interest right yeah charlie and then and she's like the main girl in it and then meg ryan comes in and it's just so much more charming she blows her out of the water yeah yeahows her out of the water. Just like. Yeah. Can't hang. Just completely just. And you're like, well, fuck Kelly. More than her. Who's her?

Who's this lady? Anthony Edwards is so sweaty in that movie. Oh, yeah. He's sweating constantly. Everybody's kind of sweaty in that movie, though. No, but he's like Kevin Garnett in a playoff game sweaty. Like, he's just dripping. Is that the guy with the big cigar all the time anthony is anthony edwards the guy from that's goose who's the guy with the

big cigar is mad sweaty guy oh the ball oh he was also in masters of the university yes yes that guy is sweating no no no that no the captain the mission control guy who's always saying god damn it he's got a cigar in closed quarters all the time big ball dude he's he was he was definitely a master of the universe he was the principal i think his name is michael ironside is that michael ironside no no no no no he's thinking of looks like if he put a snapchat filter on a baby sure yeah yes he's he's just he's always saying god damn it maverick get him out him out of there. Get them out of here. 100 miles, get him out of there. That kind of thing.

That guy. Anyway, that dude is sweating. Wait, Jon Hamm was in Top Gun? He's in the new one. He's in the new one. New one, yeah. Wait, this is the wrong. God damn it.

David. David, David, David. Whoa, there's a bunch of people in this new one. There is. It's good. Tom Cruise is in it. I'm going on Thursday. I'm so pumped. Tom Cruise is in it. Yeah, I think I'm going to go see it in this new one. It's good. I'm going on Thursday. I'm so pumped.

I think I'm going to go see it in 4XD. See it in as blown out of a theater as possible. I'm trying to see it with the seat moves and everything. We're going IMAX for sure. Anyway, Top Gun. We all know. Top Gun. Yeah.

No, it is Michael Ironside. No, he's in it. James Tolkien tolkien that's the guy james tolkien's a guy james tolkien tight a lot of fine movies left on the board here yeah dude there's there are a grip i'm gonna go with i have to take i'm going with A Few Good Men. Damn it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As the number one pick. It's fucking great.

It's- Again, star studded. Star studded. I mean, you have Demi Moore. Oh, you dig it. Demi Moore. You have your Demi Moore. You have Tom-

Moore. You have Demi Moore. Demi Moore. You have Tom. You have Demi Moore. Demi Moore. You have Tom Cruise. You have Jack Goodtimes Nicholson. Yeah, man. Giving it his all. You have Kevin Pollack.

Yeah. Is Kevin Bacon not in there? Am I mixing up movies? He's in there. Bacon's in there, right? Yeah. Yeah. Bacon.

Chief Kiefer. Chief Kiefer. It's just so good. there i think that's in there right yeah yeah bacon dude chief yeah chief for real chief for keifer it's it's just so good it's huh christopher guess christopher guess uh jt walsh is in that um now i haven't seen a few good men in i bet a decade oh my god watch it tonight you will have a great time it's so much a couple months ago behind the camera when rob reiner is still like fucking rocking shit you got aaron sorkin on the keys right matt and when aaron sorkin is doing elephant legs of cocaine yeah he's doing yeah so self-righteous well i mean as self-righteous as he is now like yeah he's he's still like in a good wheelhouse there right he was in a good wheelhouse and again this guy is fucking doing

just baby's arms of cocaine every every 15 minutes type type type mountain of cocaine type type type mountain cocaine a mcrib sandwich amount of cocaine the only thing moving faster than his jaw is his typewriter uh just fucking nobody around nobody else around nobody nobody's doing this party not even a party within hearing distance you even got your boy cuba good and junior on it uh yeah the second appearance on here yeah that is but it's it's just so fucking good. Tom Cruise in the dress whites, looking amazing. Like a compelling plot, twists and turns. Cocky young upstart, which is how you want your fucking movie stars to be. You got a baseball scene.

You know what this movie has that I love in any movie? A late night work session where people are eating Chinese food. I was just going to say. The carton, the chopsticks. Oh, it's amazing. Everything. The gestures. And the kung pao.

Chinese food has never been so good. Yeah. Yeah. Every time I see that, I'm like, fuck, I want to be up late working on a case. You ever been writing in the writer's room? You got to stay late and get chinese food you ever done that food i'm sure it's been chinese before but usually it's like tender greens yeah but nobody ever asked to like loosen the tie either that's another thing like no one's got a tie no no

nobody's walking around with a baseball bat oh i forgot he has the baseball bat yeah you remember when i did that at the upside when i was up when i was upstairs walking around with a bat behind my neck yeah i was tense that was the only time in my life where i was like this bat feels great in my arms it's uh it's just like a great it's a great courtroom movie that's also like a military movie and you have and again a lot of pop culture stuff you can't handle the truth that kind of stuff like it made its way red yeah into the zeitgeist or whatever that was like very popular for years and years you need me on that wall yeah it was a it was a huge cultural i mean can you imagine like a courtroom movie now Getting made with those people

I love courtroom movies I fucking love them Even the trial of the Chicago 7 Which was not great Aaron Sorkin again But still really good That'd be a good topic courtroom movies Yeah that'd be fun

But anyway yeah I think I will watch a few good men tonight I started watching Nightmare LA last night And it's too weird for me a few good men feels like hydrocodone would be paired nicely with it yeah i didn't love nightmare alley but i didn't start to love it last night but i love and i just underline this i love bradley cooper so i really want to like it um yeah brad cooper is a great dude good friend of mine you him harry styles just will you get me will you get me a signed cardigan that he wore in wedding crashes i'm reading some of the uh some of the trivia out of here jack nicholson was paid five million

dollars for 10 days work god that's can i say also just we're doing this thing right now this is so funny william harper dm'd me eight minutes ago yeah i'll bet that's not the last dm you get from him during this episode it It's Steve Kerr. William Harper. I shit you not. William Harper. You see that, David? Eight minutes ago.

That's so funny. I got that same one. I got that same one. I bet you I got it too. I'm about to message him a picture and say, look who's here. I said so bad. I don't know if he's going to see me. A few good men is what I will watch this evening oh man that's such a good movie yeah it's it's that's an all-time five million for 10 days of work not bad dream

i've been spending fucking 10 days with jack nicholson on a movie set is a dream that's amazing me like like that when was that was that 90 was it 93 or the shot in 92 maybe i guess yeah that's about the tail end of the jack that i'd want but it's still the jack i'd want like if i had to pick one to hang out with i'd want like mid to late 80s but maybe early 90s jack i wouldn't mind seeing him and sorkin out on the town that's like a steak restaurant man everybody was doing blow yeah 1992 sorkin and jack just talking script just doing a street light of fucking cocaine they just they just laid out on all the broken white lines on Sunset and just go right up there. Snort it all. I love it. Yeah.

Fucking a few good men. That's my first pick. My second pick, I got two in a row here. See, here it's tough. This is now we're getting there. We're already the ones that I the most am familiar with. We're in my sweet zone now i feel very comfortable about we're getting there i'm scrambling already i'm going now don't react

until i finish speaking entirely here all right because i'm tapping a rich vein mission impossible no mission impossible Mission Impossible. No. Mission Impossible. Fallout. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

We went to that in the theater, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, in the theater. That's where James Carville. That's his highest grossing movie. James Carville. That's where Henry Cavill loads the arm cannons, right? That's right. That's James Carville in that role. That's where the R henry cavell loads the arm cannons right that's right james carver in that role that's where the rage occasion

i'll tell you joe bond wants to win re-election he's gonna have to get his behind down there now i remember in the trailer though henry cavell Henry Cavill, he loads the arm cannons. He cocks his arms, man. That looks fun. That's one of the best action movies of all time. Wait, I'm confused. Which one? You took Mission Impossible Fallout. Fallout, yeah, the newest one.

So like the fifth one or something? Before Dead Reckoning. Right. They're coming out with a double-decker next year. There's two coming back-to-backs, like Harry Potter stuff. Yeah, Mission Impossible 7 Part 1 and Part 2. Yeah, dude and part two yeah dude dead reckoning oh god that's tight i bet you there's someone out there with all these tattooed on their body and someone get us a picture if you're listening or just get it tatted and send it over you know what if you want to pay me five million dollars

for 10 days work i'll get them all tatted on my body, that'll take 10 days. I am the first person to have Ving Rhames on my list. I know others probably will, but I am the first to have Ving Rhames. So let's just get that out of the way. Tom Cruise in Baby Boy? He directed it. Uncredited producer.

Accidentally driving by and they just had to pay him. Henry Cavill looks cool as fuck in this movie he does his mustache with his cool suit with his cocking his arms he looks ridiculously buff he's like a i think he refers to himself as a hammer yeah as opposed to a scalpel in shape that guy yeah because he played superman right and you're like okay if someone's got to do it i guess you look perfect what i love about the mission impossible movies is how like i love all the Yeah. Because he played Superman, right? And you're like, okay, if someone's got to do it, I guess. You look perfect.

What I love about the Mission Impossible movies is how, like, I love all the practical, like, they're not practical. Well, some of them. I love the practical effects, obviously, where Tom Cruise, for instance, in this movie, does an actual halo jump. A high altitude, low opening, like, has to wear an oxygen mask, actually trained himself how to do that. It's amazing but like i i love like all the little gadgets like it's kind of taken over where the old uh james bond movies left off where like he you know like he's got a fake wolf blitzer mask and voice modulator like you're also the first person with wolf blitzer on the off the board here that's right yeah i might be the only person with Wolf Blitzer.

But he pretends to be Wolf Blitzer and has like a voice modulator and does like a fake news story. While this like terrorist is chained up in bed thinking he's like got, you know, exploded a nuke and everything. In another one. I mean, okay, I don't want to say pics, but like, uh like uh they're just like i love all the little like gadgets all the gadgets in these movies are so fucking great um but this one great gadgets like i feel like so almost like the fast and the furious movies just the more they do perhaps until the most recent past and furious but the more they do the better they got absolutely give it all like yeah being like okay now we know exactly what we're

doing we know how to make a mission impossible movie um and that's that's the world that they're in i hate it when people rip on that shit it's like let them live it's a movie it's a movie let it let me let me watch it i want so fucking good dude tom cruise is amazing in it obviously uh rebecca ferguson's great in it angela bassett's amazing in it obviously uh rebecca ferguson's great in it angela bassett's great in it that girl rebecca ferguson my god simon i love simon peg in these movies simon peg is fantastic alec baldwin's good in them yeah simon peg is the perfect amount of funny for these movies the perfect amount perfect amount yeah and he makes a lot of sense it's like the old spy uh mission impossible fallout just fucking a

great time at the movie theater fantastic pick i just i just have to say rebecca ferguson again my god she's in doctor sleep she's great she's great the women yep she's an irish gal scottish irish scottish scotch irish sean jordan time for your second pick dude dude I'm sorry to me this is where it gets very tough because I don't know what you fools like in a Tom Cruise movie and this is tricky because I know what I like but I know what I want on my list and there's three still

that I really really want and that's pretty selfish because you guys have to be real boneheads to not pick these so now I have to decide where I want to go so I'm going to have to be real boneheads to not pick these. So now I have to decide where I want to go. So I'm going to have to go personal for me, and I'm going to have to go young Tom Cruise, cocky Tom Cruise, and one of my personal favorite Tom Cruise movies, Color of Money.

Yes. Yeah. I love it. I love it so much. I bought a pool cube because of that movie. I got into pool because of that movie. I, I just love it.

I had, I had every part of it fast. I watched the hustler because of color money. I watched him in reverse. The hustler is an amazing movie. I like the story of fast Eddie. And it's just one of those movies where you're like, okay,

take me on this weird pool hustling journey. Like it matters. It's so fun. And Tom Cruise is the cockiest of cocky in that movie. It's got, um, Oh, Scarface's sister,

uh, three names, Mary Elizabeth, Antonio. Yeah. She kills it. Just great. Turo in it,

dude. Turo is fantastic. A a little forest whitaker in there is so fun where he like hustles fast eddie and admits to it doesn't even want to take the money it's just it's fun it's like one of those weird when am i ever going to be invested in a movie about pool hustling they just get you i mean it's directed by martin scorsese and you got paul newman kind of like passing the torch yeah i've never i've never seen a movie about pool hustling i didn't it's a scorsese i didn't know that it's a marty scorsese yeah and it's kind of a passing of the torch between

paul newman and tom cruise i mean you've got like this oh you know this aged like hot movie star the guy who was like the hottest dude in his time and you've got like this oh you know this aged like hot movie star the guy who was like the hottest dude in his time and you've got like this young up-and-coming actor who like at this point what had he done why don't i can't i guess we can't say yeah he hadn't done a lot so if you look at his imdb if just just these two because they're back to back but if you look uh he did top gun and then he did the color of money right after that yeah and so that was him kind of because he was now like a bona fide action star and him i think being like i want to do this movie i will sell this movie and it just seems like fun for me to do like i bet you

he chose he'd done a few heartthrob movies by this point where it was like okay now he's in a movie and he's done like all the you know like again i don't want to name them but the movies he had done prior to this were all he was doing a little acting but it was like a lot of him being really handsome you know right yeah and then a little more acting than a little more acting and now he's in a fucking movie with paul newman which is like you don't get to be in a movie with paul newman unless you're like kind of a big deal you know i don't think paul newman did that many movies at this point in his career yeah i don't think he had many after this yeah no it's just it's i just watched it recently too because it's on uh prime i think and i don't just so it's so fun and easy to watch there's not a lot of dead time i don't know and i again i i really used to

love playing pool like we had our own cues all that shit we'd go to the pool hall every monday night it was it was like for a while it was a big part of what i did what i how i recreated was played pool i'm so bad at it we were pretty so for a while i'm great at darts i'm so bad at pool i can still i could probably still handle well from judging i can't handle anyone in this particular zoom but for a while unless we're mine we'd go out and we'd we'd have a couple and my buddy would throw money up because he had money he you know i didn't have any money but he had money he'd throw it up we'd bet and since it wasn't ever my money we would win a lot and it's pretty funny because we were also pretty pretty loose-lipped back and it

was back in my more cocky days and uh a couple times we almost got into it but we never did we never did stuff i would never ways that i would never talk to people now we would just and this is taking like 100 bucks from people pretty funny i get i get mad when people ask me to play pool because i'm like i don't i'm I'm not good at it. I don't really have fun. I'm bad at it. They're like, come on. And then if you play pool against someone else who's bad and so no one's knocking anything in and then it just gets frustrating. Yeah.

You need to play against somebody really good. I can even, I can go up there and I play with people like who are like, come on, just come play. It'll be fun. And I suck. I'm so bad at it. I'm the same way with, I'm the same way with, with ping pong. Like I'm not good at it. I the same way with i'm the same way with with ping pong like i'm not good at it i don't i don't enjoy it like i like tennis but i don't like ping pong yeah i can feel the other person getting frustrated i'm like i really try i really try to

be as upfront as anyone can ever be about anything from the get-go on this yeah i'll just get i'll just get mad like you want to go find a fucking basketball court right now like we can go but like this is frustrating for me well if they have a basketball court and pop it ox then sure other way otherwise we'll stick to the pool table uh anyway yeah color money i loved it still love it holds up um just perfect tom cruise to me excellent harper there are three on the board that i really want and i think i'll get two of them here. I mean, I don't know what David's going to do, but I think I'll get two of them here, but I got to go. I think it's one of the most underappreciated movies of the last 20 years.

I know that this is a very controversial take. I think it's arguably Michael Mann's best movie. I'm going with Collateral. Collateral is a banger. Not second, but that was on my list. That shit went hard. I had it on my list too. It's so good. He is so perfect as

Vincent the bad guy. He is so good in it. Jamie Foxx is so good in it. It's a damn near perfect movie. So his name is Vince in that and color money. A little fun fact about that. But yes, collaterals dope dude. It was like dark Tom,

like one of the first times it's super dark. It's super dark. Tom Cruz and like a Tom. Great. Yeah, just like the scary dude in a suit and got a gun with the side. I love a gun with a silencer like he was just he's so good. And then Jamie Foxx like figuring things

out as he's going and trying to deal with like this hitman situation everything and just the way that Tom Cruz is so menacing in this movie only Tom Cruz can be a likable terrifying hitman because the whole time you're like I go to dinner with that guy, but yeah,

scary in it, which is a great I see Peter Berg's in it. Mark Ruffalo's in it like jada jada pinka smith's in it um it's got a great great cast hey zach do me a favor keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth get him get his ass the boy is silent in that name uh no it's got uh it's got fucking uh javier bardem in it dude yeah oh that's right yeah isn't it and wait uh uh entourage's debbie mazar is in it briefly debbie maze entourage's debbie mazar is in a lot of this some might call some might say goodfellas debbie mazar is an entourage i i say entourage is no michael man's best movie i think it's i think it's as good as heat i really do wow yeah people because people don't watch it so they just just think it's a ridiculous, ridiculous position.

Look, I've got an ally in this that I trust. Mike Ryan, the producer, executive producer of the Levitard show. He also shares his opinion. We have bonded over this. Like I'm telling you, watch collateral sometime this week. You're going to be saying I have an ally in this. Mike Ryan, like that means anything on the all. It means something.

Look, number one sports podcast out there, okay? Part of Meadowlark Media where Cinephobe is housed now. You're trying to pay with euros, my friend. This is the United States of America, alright? I'm paying with fertile semen, Sean. Those bills don't fold in here.

Get those loonies and toonies back across the border. They fold just fine. The only producer that we want to hear Michael Mann opinions from is Marissa. Marissa, what's the best Michael Mann movie? I don't know who that is. That's right. You heard it straight from Marissa. Now knock it off.

That's right. Look, man. Heat's a great movie. Just watch Collateral, and you compare and you contrast you know what let's i want to make this i want to make this completely fair let's just pause real quick okay marissa go watch both those movies and then come back to us and let us know yeah let's finish up tonight yeah uh no it's such a good movie i think it's i think it's damn near a perfect movie i wonder why it didn. I wonder why it didn't get taken as seriously.

Because Tom Cruise was not in great standing in Hollywood at the time. Was that before or after Ray? Was that like, that was Jamie Foxx starting to become a real movie star. I think it was after Ray. No, Collateral was 2004.

Was it really? Yeah, 2004. I don't know when Ray was. Ray was 2004. Was it really? Yeah, 2004. I don't know when Ray was. Ray was 2004 as well. Collateral came out right before Ray. Oh, really? No. I like this.

You say no that you're not going to laugh. He doesn't have testicles, Ian. You got to give it to him. All right. Listen, Zach, I don't know what you think of vasectomy is, but they don't cut your balls off, all right? zach i don't know what you think of vasectomy is but they don't cut your balls off all right they put more in there yeah they put more yeah i got like six in there now yeah he's got a safeway bag full of clementines i go i go none of your shirts

they put so many testicles in there that it just it can't get any semen out of that it's a traffic jam yeah yeah like when you can't get out of the subway a lot of red google minutes down there now you just they're going nowhere it just stuck the collateral is another great movie where it's like once you've lived in la you're like they didn't go from there to there and that's a great geography it's so fun to do with other people that live yeah know where you're talking about you're like well that's bullshit right you get from like the airport to downtown and like 20 minutes 60 seconds where you make it to long beach in 25 minutes like it's just fantastic yeah like no that would have saved me a

lot of frustration in ubers if that was the actual case some of those landed lax and you're like boy i'll be home in three hours this will be dank not at midnight on christmas could you do that you really couldn't you really couldn't uh it's uh it's a great fucking movie that's a great pick yeah uh david time for your second and third picks as it is uh second i'm taking rain man that's the next one i had yeah what else is there to say trading with uh dustin hoffman it's a road trip it's beautiful brothers love each other yeah it uh again another one i haven't seen in quite some time i remember i saw rain man when i was way too little to to really get any any of it really i'm just be like, what's going on? I have no idea why this is interesting, really, even.

I don't know. But then you watch it again as a grown-up, you're like, oh, yeah, Tom Cruise is a horrible person in that movie, but ends up being a good guy, a decent guy. Won Best Picture, right? Didn't win Best Picture? Did it?

I. Barry Levinson directed it. Let me look. I think so. I don't know. I think he won Best Director, too best director too right i think you're right i think i'd be wrong about this it might have been something else but i i thought it kind of like did really well at the at the academy awards it won four oscars uh rayman won four rayman won best pick for best director best actor in a leading role dustin hoffman and uh best writing and screenplay hard to get much better than that no you really can't is that his most critically acclaimed movie it might be it was second in in special effects as

well i don't know if you knew that. You got second. All those toothpicks. He wasn't really wearing underwear. No. That was all CGI. He was dogging out there to CGI this shit. Yeah, that was all CGI. I think Dustin Hoffman wanted out of this movie when they were making it.

Because he didn't think it was going to be successful at all. I think he thought it was going to be weird. I think he probably felt weird about playing like a mentally challenged guy so like three weeks into it he tried to quit the movie and was like get richard dreyfus whoa that would have been insane that would be crazy and then he won an oscar yeah i just love the idea of him being like i don't think he would be standing like i don't want to do this anymore get richard dreyfus to do my vasectomy no i don't do it i you know what's a weird thing about rain man is it gave it as a child again i thought there was a very specific one thing that autism was and that's what rain man well i was like that

i thought that was it i thought if you were autistic that is exactly how you operated as a child when i saw that because i you know i didn't know any better so now i know that there's a spectrum but that's one thing that when i was a kid i took that away i was like oh crazy that's just how everybody is i probably felt the same way at the time i mean i was i don't know 10 when it came out i guess like i saw it way too young as well yeah no no it was no i was like six when it came out i think i saw it when i was 10 i thought i saw it when i was 10 um and just like didn't really understand what i was watching 88 yeah yeah i didn't need it the first time i saw it and that it's one of those things that's been in my consciousness for like

so long that it would be hard to watch with fresh eyes now although maybe i should have been years another another thing that was very good it's just like really really ingrained in pop culture like it you know what probably wasn't a great thing that people said but like people used to call somebody what you know rain man all the time like it was just another thing yeah for forever so you have that idea of it too where you just think of it as like a Mean thing almost to say Boxers from Kmart Yeah

And Wapner right Wapner The airline he's like obsessed with That's right because they never crashed It's the only one that's never had a crash They've still never lost an airliner Really never lost a man Yeah

Also this was Hansans zimmer's first score for a hollywood movie really hans a lot of luck going on on this rain man booby if i dyed my beard i bet you i could play that guy for sure like for for halloween can i be can i be him yeah if i dyed my beard? What's his name? I don't know if anyone would know who you were. Just you in a suit with a dyed beard. Oh, what's his name? And you just walk around calling everybody Boobie?

Ellis. Ellis. That's his name. Ellis. Yeah. Yeah. Show him the watch. I'll just say that to everybody at the next Halloween party I go to.

Show him the watch. Yeah. A three-year-old in an Elsa costume. Take a tweet. Show him the watch. Show him the watch. You, a three-year-old in an Elsa costume. Take a tweet. Show him the watch. Show him the watch. You must be Mr. Takagi. No, I'm not doing it right.

I'm Olaf. That sounded like John Travolta there. I'm turning red. David, your third pick oh man we're already getting kind of thin as far as like ones i'm super familiar with i'm not a big tom cruise guy it's fine uh you know i saw this in high school pretty fun taking the last samurai oh yeah okay that was an interesting one for tom cruise that was one where you're like that that was kind of out of left field he hadn't really done that yet right well gone to japan i mean like a movie like that it was an odd action movie he'd kind of done one kind of had he okay maybe i'm yeah he's done a he didn't

do a period piece but he's done a fantasy but something like that yeah sure sure sure sure yeah sure um yeah you're right the first like realistic period piece however realistic you want to say it was uh but it's it's i watched it again two days ago like it was one of my it's 7 a.m. and I can't fall asleep because I've got COVID. We all watched Tom Cruise movies in the last couple of days. That's wild.

Ken Watanabe is great in this movie. Yeah, he's so good. That dude is just a crusher in general. That guy is so dope. He's really good in it. Tom Cruise is like, it's one of those, it's great. I really enjoyed it. It Cruise is like, it's, it's one of those. It's great. I really enjoyed it. It is definitely one of those,

like the white guy understands the noble, you know, it's totally, it's totally bag of vids. Yeah. I love a good white night in someone else's culture. I just, it's fantastic.

Honestly, I was just glad he wasn't teaching like minority kids to dance or some shit. No, they taught him. That's my, that's my, that's my,

that's my least favorite of that genre. Yeah. Like art ball or something. I mean, there's, there's Antonio Banderas did one dangerous. There's a million of them for that, for that kind of movie.

It's, it's one of the less odious ones. Cause like he gets beat with sticks. You know what I mean? He gets fucked up. It's also that kind of movie. It's really the only one I like for some reason. And I remember in high school thinking, oh, this is pretty cool.

Maybe I just love samurai stuff. It's like what I wanted Ninja Turtles 3 to be. Would Dances with Wolves qualify as one of those? What? Would Dances with Wolves qualify as one of those what what dances with wolves qualify as one of those because that's really good yeah you know you don't like dances with wolves listen man it's fine i was filming the top of the code so that's why i'm saying that's the home of david bory yeah no yeah you mean where they give me free jamokas at the Arby's? The beach place.

I'm just saying, walk around the streets, ask about me, ask about you, see who comes up. I'll be there June 18th. I think I'm mad enough to get someone pregnant. Not mad enough. Mad enough, I said. not man enough mad enough i said um billy connelly's in the last samurai the british comedian or scottish comedian whatever he's so fucking good at it oh and who's the smarmy dude from die hard i never know his name but like the reporter isn't he in the last samurai with a guy the guy that was in ghostbusters huh the um yeah yeah i don't know his name i know he's

talking about them yeah william atherton pencil yeah that sounds right yeah yeah i feel like he's in i think he's in last samurai he is yeah it's good it's fucking cool there's a it's long it's a little longer than it needs to be but yeah it's fucking cool it's a sunday movie movie yeah i think sunday ass movie i think samurai armor looks fucking dope and it's never never given its proper due that's why samurai video games rule so hard whenever you see a samurai video game like yep it's got those like antlers or like a frowning mask on it and shit it looks so amazing yeah everybody wants a samurai sword there's a reason all that shit's so dope one of the generals used to be a samurai and then he gets defeated by the guy who's still a samurai and then he has to commit seppuku yep couldn't do that shit that's where you fall on

your sword you pull it into yourself oh my god for sure yeah dude zach harper it's time for you with our pick I don't think this is getting back to me on the next round I gotta do it because while I recognize it is not the best of this movie's franchise it is my favorite because it has the greatest villain in its franchise it's Mission Impossible

3 Philip Seymour Hoffman is so good as the villain it had kind of like found its way Possible 3, Philip Seymour Hoffman is so good as the villain. It had kind of like found its way back because Mission Impossible 2, oh sorry to name the second one, is not good. I haven't seen either. So the second one is

really not good and like I love John Woo but it's just they script is terrible like they just they messed it up. Yeah. And so this one kind of gets back to feeling like maybe another one in the franchise and and philip seymour hoffman like just the the the opening scene of the interrogation and when you get back to it in the movie and the way he is yelling and i just i didn't know philip seymour hoffman could be scary he is so gnarly

and it's so just just overwhelming in that scene and in the way that Tom Cruise acts in that scene where he is like he's trying to bargain with them. He's getting frustrated like when he realized it's not working. He's trying to get out of the chair. He's threatening him and then he's bargaining again and he's trying to help it like it's just it's

that scene is one of the best scenes that Tom Cruise has ever been in. I hope you enjoyed picking Mission Impossible 3 because whatever you were going to pick instead, I'm going to find it. I'm going to find it and I'm going to hurt it. He's so scary. He's so calm in it. He's so scary because he's calm.

That's why. Because it's like that. I had a dude tell me he was going to beat me up like that one time. And that is scary when someone's just like, listen, I'm going to i'm gonna kick the shit out of you like when they're calm oh yeah yeah it sucks man it was kind of the for i don't for me it was like the first time where i was like oh philip seymour hoffman yeah because like at this point i don't in my life i don't think i'd seen boogie nights or like the talented mr ripley or anything like that. You know? Yep. You could have maybe seen him in Along Came Polly. Yeah.

That's funny. Real bars in that one. Thick bars. Thick bars. Think about how long Sharded was a thing that people said. That was from that movie. It maintains. Yeah, it does maintain.

You're also not the only one who's got Ving rames now how about that fuck yeah i mean i had a good run yeah i had a good run irving family tucci gave him the nickname ving and i got i got a little larry fishburne in there yeah yeah what's his what's is it one it's no it's um what was the movie where um deep cover deep cover he's like billed as larry fishburne it's hilarious his early movies he is also yeah earl cornbread and me crazy larry fishby just he's he's lawrence all day he's like a kid actor like he's probably larry fish fishburne in uh apocalypse now right yeah peewee's playhouse what is so what what's the big stunt in this one there is like a slide down i think they're in

tokyo and there's like this big slide down like a a slanted building yeah right where they're going after wow i can't remember what the name of the is. That was the Luxor. They were in Vegas. It's like a pyramid, the Luxor is. Inside or outside? Both, man. You can't really tell from the inside. No, it can't be. You're too busy adding liquor to your whale bone, but from the outside, you can definitely tell.

Like a pyramid. Like in Egypt. Okay. Well, they didn't invent the shape. You don't know that. irish invented the shape jj abrams feature film directorial debut mission impossible three okay yep yep interesting that worked out and did that yeah he did that crazy jump it did it worked out pretty good for all uh jumping jehoshaphat. Yeah, I love Mission Impossible 3.

It's one of my favorites. My name is Jumping Jehoshaphat Abrams. Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. Well, I still, there's two more I want to get, and they're both still on the board, so I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm going to pick one of my personal favorite Tom Cruises a bit of a psychological thriller if you will i'm going vanilla sky what i love i love the movie sexual movie uh i you know ian i knew i think i knew you didn't like it do you

guys not like it i like i've seen it once i think it's super weird yeah it's super weird i like it i love the soundtrack i love the fact that jason lee is all up in it old pro skater it's just really fun uh my aunt he i had to like walk my aunt through why i liked it but it's just uh so halfway through the movie essentially he dies and then he so the second half of the movie is like a lucid dream and it starts to go wrong and it's just really fun i really really enjoy it i watched it like two weeks ago again um and it's just great and again the soundtrack just fantastic uh like kurt russell's up in there yeah yeah that's the movie i fell in love with penelope penelope cruz i don't know that i knew her before this movie yeah i don't think a lot of people did i mean that yeah low um but it was

like so it's cameron diaz penelope cruz kurt russell tom cruz jason lee um cameron diaz is fantastic in this movie too she goes nuts in it and she's oh she's so good it's just fun it's like it's one of those movies that makes new york look awesome too because they're all rich and you're like oh that would be tight if you just if you did have a loft the size of a mansion in manhattan that was in a building with other lofts and shit it's uh yeah it's it's a great one i had till to swinton up in there towards the end yep michael shannon's in it yeah i thoroughly thoroughly enjoy me some Vanilla Sky I'm going to have to see that shit I can't believe I haven't seen that

I highly recommend it it's you know crap I would have picked my other one if I'd have known there was no shot at you picking it but yeah I definitely wanted it on my list so Vanilla Sky too bad bitch and if I get this last

then I'll be stoked so let's hope you blow it on your next two dorks uh i might i mean i'm gonna like the movies i pick so i like what i see in the mirror and that's what matters uh i'm gonna take a movie that goes by many names but no matter what you call it, it sure is fun. Edge of Tomorrow. That was the other one. That was it. That's such a good TNT movie. It's so good. Yeah. They don't need to edit anything.

You can play the whole thing on TV. You can play for children. It's fucking fantastic. It's so good, man. It's live, die, repeat. They're doing Edge of Tomorrow. Much worse than Evil. Emily Blunt is fucking awesome in it. I fell in love with her in that movie.

Tom Cruise is great. It's a little bit of Tom Cruise being funny again, too. You know who's great? It's the drill sergeant, I guess. On the ship, when he wakes up, the guy that wakes him up every day and takes him through the rigmarole and introduces him to everyone every single day whoever that is that guy's fantastic

oh yeah it's not the not the general right not brendan that's not brendan gleason right no yeah not not the not the not the older scottish dude or whatever that that that's brendan gleason the guy that tells him what he's gonna have to go do when he's like you're gonna be a part of the war well that's not bill paxton yeah i guess he is walking him through it yeah i wasn't sure if it wasn't yes then yes bill paxton murders it in that yeah yeah god bill paxton's he's got like a southern accent i think he's got a mustache i think yeah yeah he's. He's very funny in it. But yes, that movie is... I'm right there with you, Playboy.

I love it. Just a spectacular movie. It's so much fun. Emily Blunt is fucking amazing in it. Badass in that movie. It brings that whole Groundhog Day thing. What would you do if you knew you were going to go die every day it's it's crazy because then at a certain point it just goes

how long do you think he was there that's a great question because he learned so much everything so much and what was every single marketing yeah he was he was like um oh what's the word i'm looking for like he was the he was the spin person, I think. Yeah, the spin doctor. The PR person. PR for him, yeah. PR for the military, which would be such a shitty job. It would be a horrible job.

But yeah, he, I mean, it had what? A year at least. Oh, yeah. How? Yeah. I think he learned how to fly like a helicopter or something or some kind of like heavy machine. It's that Groundhog Day shit where it's like it shows him crash a helicopter and then like the next cut it'll show him fly it so you're like okay so that's probably six months where he's trial and error learning how

to fly this helicopter and he's got it and he's doing everything so automatically and robotically yeah as he like goes there so he's like all right i know i gotta pull this guy out of this explosion this thing's gonna fall on this dude and i gotta cut this you know thing shoot this each day having to explain to each person ah it's a trip and then they've what they figure out that after they make it past a certain point they've never been there before so he doesn't know if he's gonna make it right right yeah and then i forget he does right so wreck the edge of tomorrow for everybody but that's a great movie yeah it is really good her nickname is the full metal

bitch it's just fucking great edge of tomorrow is my third pick and my fourth pick oh man okay I'm gonna go I have to get one like unhinged fucking crazy tom cruise performance in there and i'm gonna go with uh magnolia yeah that's a great magnolia paul thomas anderson am i crazy

anderson yeah pta right okay yeah yeah uh just playing like a weird men's right sea sort of like fucking what it's what is it what is it that's the respect the cock thing right yeah yeah yeah he's like a pickup artist pickup artist yeah yeah frank tj mackie yeah i go i go that's my neighborhood bar i go to that bar all the time frank tj mackie yeah as someone who lived off of magnolia that there's a lot going on on that street there's a lot going on over there it's a great great little dive bar yeah um he's just so intense in the interview i love his weird little ponytail on his outfit yeah yeah mid-range ponytail yeah the mid-range pony changing his shirt the way he talks to the interviewer yeah and it feels like i mean somehow it feels confessional in a way not really but like yeah like because i don't think he was ever like a pickup artist i don't think he was ever like a really big ladies man or anything like that but i feel almost informative of like hey this is how it this is

this is what we're doing like be aware right you don't think he was a lethario if you will i don't know that he was that big of a lethario but i think him playing someone who's manipulative like someone who's you know when he's like a member of scientology this you know like and like And then playing this like someone who's a professional manipulator I think is like an interesting vein for him to tap. You know?

And he's just such an intense... Doesn't he like fucking cry in it? That's one thing you don't see a lot of is you don't see a lot of Tom Cruise crying in movies. I'd be shocked if he couldn't get there, but you just don't see a lot of tom cruise crying in movies you don't i'm sure i'd be shocked if you couldn't get there but you just don't ever see it because i don't know it feels like the person does he cry yeah when does he cry in jerry mcguire he cries when uh when he's

trying to convince her to like be with him oh yeah okay like he's crying in that scene right right there's another one you complete me you complete me he's like we live in a cynical world he's got tears streaming down his face cynical world we do live in a cynical world i'm a cynical my favorite quarterbacks uh backup quarterbacks was cynical wallace cynical wallace after the hawks i thought you were gonna say it was jeff hostetler that's what i thought june 3rd at the Hereafter, Ian Carmel. June 2nd at the Hereafter, Sean Jordan. Man. I don't care if anybody shows up. I get to hang out with you.

I'm paying people not to show up, dude. You're going to first row me? Sean Jordan. Time for your fourth pick. No, you picked... What was your fourth pick? Wait, you went twice? Tomorrow? Oh, yeah. Okay. Sorry.

Well, wait you went twice as tomorrow oh yeah okay okay sorry um well it's tom he's in a lot of these movies that make me care about something i otherwise would never care about really and it's the funds it's the funds kind of like color money like i want why would i care about pool um so i'm gonna go um i'm gonna do it i'm gonna go days of thunder oh i love a day's old trickle days of thunder you get your john c reilly in there you get your robert duvall who i think is the best actor ever i just think please please please bob Robert Duvall, who I think is the best actor ever. I just think. Please, please, please, please. Bobby Duvall. Sorry, me and Bobby. On All Fantasy Everything?

He's Bobby Duvall. Man, if we. You think he's the best actor ever, huh? And I can't really give you a lot of Bobby Duvall roles even. I just, when he's in something, he's perfect. You're just going off of his role in Four Christmases? Gone in 60 seconds godfather color is like he's he's really good when he when he's in stuff i just it's such a funny three run of movies to trot out in defense of someone being the greatest actor ever i know it's a weird thing

it's a real weird thing because i can't really stick up for it i don't think it's a bad pick it's exactly well the pick we're not now i'm talking about bobby duvall days of thunder is no that's what i'm saying i don't think bobby duvall is a bad pick for best actor ever hey i said collateral is as good as heat i stand by it you did i've been thinking about it my yeah my nuts hurt more now days of thunder it's just it's like why would i care about racing and then all of a sudden they make me care about racing michael rookerer's in it. He's so fantastic. John C. Reilly, again,

is just a peach in everything he's in. He's just perfect. And it also led me to the knowledge that Dick Trickle is the name of a real race car driver. It was. That was like Dick Butkus. That was the same as like, what?

You're telling me that a parent, a set of parents, a bunch of adults are responsible for naming this race car driver dick trickle and then there's a guy named dick butt kiss in the same world anyway uh yeah man days of thunder it was if you want to if you really want to get into why i might like it so much we were children and there's one scene with the cop where they get pulled over they hired like uh like a stripper cop to pull over the semi or whatever and does anybody remember this movie at all i've never seen it i don't remember this

part they pull it over they pull over and it's like they think and then this girl like pulls her shirt open and kisses him but we were like nine or something when that happened i was like yeah uh and yeah it's just it's really fun nicole Kidman is fantastic in it there I think that was like the beginning of their budding romance and I just like I'm pretty sure it's Michael Bay and you know how Michael Bay gets down so just it's got all the fixings for me alright

yeah Days of Thunder Days of Thunder I'm losing my voice I'm losing my voice. I'm losing my voice. Zach Harper? Time for your fourth pick. This is a toughie.

Because I kind of want to just keep going back to this franchise. I know what you mean. There's so many in there that I like. Fuck it. I'm going to do it anyway. Okay. The first one? I'm going with it's got the craziest stunt i've ever seen i'm going with mission impossible rogue nation that's

the one where he's hanging off the plane yeah that one's fucking actually did that as a stunt and knowing that knowing that he actually did that makes me so nervous watching that movie knowing he's alive just watched him fly with james corden like i know he's alive but in that scene i'm freaked out that he may lose his grip and go flying off into the earth because it's insane to do it's nuts that's absolutely it's so insane yeah this is when they were kind of making like it was going to be like jeremy renner is going to be the uh-huh right the new guy they did they tried that once yeah one movie they tried that and they're like i'll give it let's give it back to older tom they're like you know who's not tom cruise jeremy renner jeremy renner and i think

it's not jeremy renner's fault man no he's a perfectly good jeremy renner yeah he's great in the town he's just not don't send a jeremy renner to do a tom cruise job you know what i mean if you got screws that are tom cruise shaped and you put a jeremy renner screwdriver in there you're gonna fucking you're gonna break your wrist yeah the crib's gonna fall apart man yeah you're gonna strip the you're gonna strip the bolt my friend i wouldn't even call you a friend if you're doing that if you're that stupid you're not my friend also great great motorcycle chase they they brought it back after the second they screwed up the motorcycle stuff in the second one they brought

it back great motorcycle chase I also think I think that's the one where there is a where there's like this massive sand store I might I might be mixing that up is that the Javier Bardem one or my am I off you're thinking of no country for old men oh I am that's where

they hang is nuts through the stool and no country for old men. Oh, I am. That's where they hang is nuts through the stool and no country for old men and hit them with a rope. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I don't want to say the name of the Mission Impossible movie you're thinking of, but it's not Rogue Nation.

That's not that one. Okay, so this is just the hanging on the airplane and the motorcycle chase is phenomenal. It is another hyphen and then two more words, but those two words are not Rogue Nation. I was nervous because I thought that was a vasectomy until I went in and I was like, sure does look like it's a bad way to do it. Both

of the hyphen names, both Rogue Nation and the other one are great names for vasectomies. Is it Mission Impossible Love Hewitt? Is that the one I'm thinking of? Yeah. Rogue Nations. David Borey, time for your fourth and then your final picks i mean i'm serpentine draft i'm out i the rest of these movies i've barely seen uh i'm gonna pick cocktail oh it's so good you know just because i was gonna pick it no because of that poem. Dude, it's so cocktail.

Also like a very strangely paced movie. Dude, cocktail. Right? And then he's in Jamaica and then he comes back up. It is one of the stupidest timelines I've ever seen in a movie. It's insane. It's insane. I've still never seen it. They go, he finds this guy in an Applebee's or an old Applebee's.

Before you continue on with the story i just i've i've never seen cocktail we've talked about it a lot on this podcast if i talked about it in the past like i had seen it i was lying to everyone so don't come for me on twitter and say oh but on episode 43 you said you loved cocktail i lied it's just something you say yeah and I'm not doing that anymore I thought sometimes you want to just be in the discourse too you're like yeah I just wanted to be included

I've never seen Saving Private Ryan I've pretended I have just because I don't want the yeah that's nuts you should I pretended I had seen Apocalypse Now until three years ago when I watched it or whatever but cocktail it so it't pull my card just i get i i cop to it that's myself there you go that's what you can't now because you said pull

your card it's the best phrase they started fridays he gets a job at a fridays and they're like they make bartending look like it is damn near impossible i have bartended at very busy places your socks don't get soaked with alcohol i know they're flair bartending which by the way shane used to do but i have a video of it on my phone yeah so there's that and then they they're like let's open our own spot they have this whole dream of opening their own spot they do and then the guy steals all the money goes to jamaica tom cruise finds him they somehow are friends again that guy kills himself and then uh that's essentially the movie it is it's madness it's two different movies yeah like he finds him dead he kills himself what's that what's the last act there's like

people looking for money or something i can't remember exactly what it is new york right it's elizabeth's dad so he starts dating elizabeth shu and then it's a whole different movie because now it's about her dad and tom cruise and his her dad thinking she's too good to date a bartender. He storms into the house. Dad tries to pay him off. It is like, seriously, maybe even three different movies. It's ridiculous. All about bartending, by the way.

There's just this, I mean, the scene with the poem, right? But like there's like a bar called like Cell Block or something. Yeah, the jail bar. like yeah the jail bar yeah the jail bar and it's so oddly like laid out and there are people doing like slam poetry but there's like hype men in the slam in the slam vote like just like also everyone gets quiet to listen to like led to believe that he just did that off the top yes he's just like yes yeah he's supposed to be based on fucking uh goddamn bruce willis is that's like that's how i imagined bruce willis was okay they say he was like really cool and like charismatic and that's kind of how he came up through that i could see that yeah the other thing is like a famous bartender also just like nobody

ever gets their drinks well that's this crowded bar right so there's like hundreds of people in this bar they're clamoring for drinks somebody's like let me get eight whatever's and they're like coming right up and then they take seven or eight minutes to make these rounds of shots and you're like so everybody gets a drink every night yeah i mean it's just it's just drunk there it's a far be it for me to pick apart a movie i know it's so easy to pick apart a movie I love cocktail but it is absurd It's an absurd movie

But definitely watch it Yeah I'll watch it Damn it that was going to be I really didn't think anyone was going to take cocktail That was mine We're going to go to our lightning round right after this short break This episode of All Fantasy Everything Is brought to you by Babbel.

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our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-e-l dot com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply and we're back david your lightning round pick ah minority report yeah that was my other last pick seriously that's well darn it well you fucking precog that you were gonna take it and he snagged it out from under you dude you really did uh excellent pick zach harper your final pick it's a weird horny movie i don't even think it's that good eyes went shut i've seen it a lot and i i kind of like it i've seen it probably five times i can't tell you one plot point i have that movie's like white noise in my head i never have taken

anything away from it i think the stories from its production are as like legend more legendary than the movie itself right real fuck like it's basically stanley kubrick trying to break tom cruise and nicole kidman as a couple yeah pretty much and he did i think succeeding john jordan time for your final pick uh i'm gonna go bit part i'm gonna pick him in gold member and austin powers at the very very very end really fun reveal uh my final pick oh man there's some fun ones there really are still there's yeah i'm gonna put fucking take top gun maverick. You're the only one who's seen it, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I've seen it. Oh, shit. I thought about pulling a Sean Jordan and picking it even though I hadn't seen it. I'm sorry you don't like the smell of weed or the sounds of boozy badass. I'm sorry if that's my fault. Or mid-90s. You don't like the movie mid-90s?

Any one of you could have taken it in the first round and I would have sat here like, yes. Of course. That's how good it is. I've heard it's tremendous. That's how good it is. It's it's that's how good it is thursday i'll let you know i'm it is it is i'm saying this right now you're because it'll be it's coming out this weekend right so people will come thursday night i'm saying this right now i'm staking this claim there are parts of this movie that are better than the original top gun of course there of course there the original top gun is and it's there's holes in it but it's it's nostalgia that i can't

hate on it but there's definitely places it could be better so you'll see you'll see it yeah i wouldn't i would rather watch top gun Maverick again than Top Gun. Wow. Wow. Okay. You heard it here first. That's how I feel about the Jaden Smith karate kid. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. DMing your dad on YouTube. Zach, let's just stop before we say something insane that we can't come back from. He loves it. That's what he does. I love it. Hey, it's fine. That's what I do. That's what you do. You always have crazy takes.

Oh, because I don't believe in Mozart. Like, all of a sudden, this is what I do. That's one of them. David's behind both the paywalls, so he figured it out. I don't even understand. I don't believe in Mozart I just he says he thinks his dad did it I think his dad did it all I didn't believe that people lost their smell when they

had COVID until I lost my smell so I uh you didn't believe in COVID no I don't believe in the flu I believe in COVID David's the one that has been wearing a mask for two and a half years somehow I never got it David also went first and he took jerry mcguire brave man the last samurai cocktail and minority report zach harper you went second you took tropic thunder collateral mission impossible three mission impossible rogue nation and eyes wide shut sean you went third you took

top gun the color of money vanilla sky days of thunder and gold member good draft for sean Eyes wide shut. Sean, you went third. You took Top Gun, The Color of Money, Vanilla Sky, Days of Thunder, and Goldmember. Good draft for Sean Jordan. I went last. I took A Few Good Men, Mission Impossible Fallout, Edge of Tomorrow, Magnolia, and Top Gun Maverick. That's a Saturday right there. Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah, it's not really a Tom Cruise movie, but I did want to shout out his cameo in Austin Powers, where he plays Austin Powers in the self

parody film called Austin Pussy. A very funny cameo. Fantastic. We left some amazing ones on the board. Born on the 4th of July, The Firm. Yeah, Interview with the Vampire is great. Ghost Protocol, it's not great. It is a fucking

weird movie. It's so weird. I have all the right yeah well also legend is crazy weird and it sucks now but i used to love it and the outsiders is fantastic but uh also the original mission impossible is fantastic i watched it a couple of weeks ago it's it's really really good um i'd also throw in their uh valkyrie which is it's not good but it's super weird because he's the only one speaking with an american accent in this german like everyone's german he's just like fuck i'm not doing a german accent like i'm just i'm just gonna be tom cruise yeah he probably

tried for like three hours and he was like no yeah any stunts i can do. I'll do that. Risky business, of course. Sure. Some of the outsiders. Far and away, almost made me like the Irish. What I was talking about was Night and Day, where that was like a rom-com action movie with him and Cameron Diaz. Kind of pulled it off.

But it wasn't amazing. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon shout out to everyone on the afe sheslackity shout out to super producer marissa shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude shout out to Haji Beats and do I say anyone else it's been a while and I have COVID brain fog

let me shout out 50 licks and then shout out to Nate Meads for helping me out at the wedding massive preach bros all y'all and more important than all of that tune in again next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything shaklakity And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast