All Fantasy Everything - Toms (w/ Katie Nolan, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

NOLVEMBER rides on, fam! It's no secret to anyone that everyone that the folks who support our Patreon page are absolute genius topic choosers! That's why this week we're drafting "Toms!" Oh it's a scene, man!  Boston! New York! We're recording a live podcast in your city! Get your tickets at linktr.ee/allfantasyeverything. Guest: Katie Nolan @katienolan IG: @natiekolan Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting Toms. Continuing the month of November is our dear friend, friend of the podcast, friend of the world, Katie Nolan. She's a commentator on Apple TV Plus's Friday Night Baseball. She's an Emmy Award winner. She is a Panera Bread eater sooner.

She is Katie Nolan. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me as always are my friends and comedians, David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. It is a somber episode. For those of you who joined us last weekend in Seattle, of you who joined us uh last weekend in seattle you know that sean jordan was tragically killed by a randy johnson fastball um he was walking across the street after the show great show amazing show one of our best shows but yeah i just we never thought we would get to this day but he was crossing the street and randy johnson was standing on a mound about 66 feet away and just it's just timing it's just god

you know saying hey it's your time buddy heaven needs another angel and sean exploded he exploded into a cloud. That's the one thing that's good about it is, you know, there wasn't a moment of pain. There wasn't a moment of fear. He didn't see it coming. We were all there. He exploded into a cloud of backward Spitfire hats, hot sauce, and novelty Mountain Dew flavor. And, you know, we're going to keep the podcast going,

but we did want to take this moment to acknowledge that Sean's gone, you know, and he will be replaced by Randy Johnson, who will be the new permanent member of this podcast. So just going forward uh it's gonna be me david katie a lot and uh the big unit himself randy johnson horny the big penis penis yeah what's going on man that sucks about sean that's why yeah but we're so glad to have you yeah yeah yeah so it's fun if it's gonna be here man baseball it was you know it's fine photography it's wild i didn't get in any trouble for that no it's not only well apparently it's not illegal

is we what the street justice is still yeah you know i was just out there do you know you would i didn't get in trouble when i was taking photographs on the street why should i get in trouble when i'm smoking dinks uh yeah smoking dinks i was gonna say smoking dingers you'd figure i played baseball long enough to know that that's not the term for throwing you cannot smoke dinks on the street dude i just gotta let you know you cannot get caught smoking a dink in the middle of the street i'm gonna tell you right now that's a home activity for for sure strictly forbidden you mean like blowing someone i can't blow someone on the middle of the street is that what you think smoking a dink is it is now i used i thought it was a fastball 30

seconds ago give me a top three things on what you think smoking a dink might be a joint a penis or a fastball all right boom okay yeah yeah three things often confused for each other and you weren't just free three for three those are what they are. You battened 1,000, dude. Brandon Johnson. As they say. 0.00 ERA. It's that kind of podcast. We are recording this before the Seattle show, but I just had to guess what happened.

I don't think you're that far off. This is coming out after the Seattle show. I just had to do my best to guess what happened at the Seattle show. If that happened, you're going to want to have that in the can, you know, to run. I'll be too distraught to record it. Yeah, you don't have to do that on the spot. Randy listens and sounds a lot like me. Randy does, by the way.

But yeah, he listens. Should we do a couple other? Go ahead, Katie. I'm sorry. I was just going to say, I always thought it was cool that his name kind of meant like horny penis. Horny, the big penis penis. Yeah.

Yeah. Horny, the big penis penis. That's Yeah. Horny, the big penis penis. That's right. That's right. The unit. The big unit. He really let it all hang out. Horny, the big penis penis.

Horny, the big penis penis. Yeah. Should we each do a recap of what we think happened at the Seattle show? I got a pretty mellow recap, but I got a pretty good idea how it's going to go down. Thank everyone for coming. Go ahead. Here we go. We showed up to the crocodile good idea how it's going to go down. Just to thank everyone for coming, go ahead. Here we go. We showed up to the Crocodile.

I showed up with Kyle to the Crocodile. They messed up our rooms somehow. But since the woman working has a British accent, they seem to think that everyone's going to be cool with it. And we were. So it worked. And then I got to the room. And instead of running water, I had a picture of the sex pistols

on the wall and uh again i was i was fine with that i was like whatever the water being broken school and then i could hear i'm really going in on the crocodile i don't mean to it's dope we check in and then we go down there uh i have one of those cool drinks at the front desk that they offered me last time but i turned down down. You mean a whale bone? Yeah. I add my own flavor to it. Crank it a whale bone. And she says, but Mr. Jordan, it's already got a flavor. And I say, well, that's alright. I'll make it more flavorful. And then I have

a drink before the show because it's not stand-up, so I don't have to be nervous. And then we draft and then go maybe get pizza across the street like we did last time. Have ourselves a night. And maybe I have another cool ice cream sweatshirt by the end of the night. Yeah.

You weren't whistling Dixie about this being a mellow recap. Yeah, no. No, just a long. David, what do you think happened in Seattle? I think that before Sean passed. Yeah. But after the show. Rest in peace.

We thought it would be funny. We were listening to that song Posse on Broadwayway by sir mix lot yeah we said hey stop go back the other way let's go and eat a dicks so we all go and we get just a bunch of dicks just a shit ton of dicks and while we're full-on dicks drunk on camaraderie and, and maybe some Jameson, work crossing the street, and not only does Sean get smoked by the big penis penis penis, horny the big penis penis, he leaves a bag of dicks

in his wake. So he explodes dicks after being exploded by horny the big penis penis. That's what I think is going to happen. Katie Nolan, you weren't currently scheduled to be on the Seattle show, but would you like to get a stab at recapping it?

But I did show up because I had been part of this podcast where we had predicted what we think will have had happened. I said, well, now I have to go. So what happened was that I showed up and was like, hey,

and you guys were like, we already have a guest. And I said, Julio Rodriguez? Nobody in Seattle even knows who that is. And then I wasn't like allowed to draft per se, but I did participate in my own draft in the, in the green room while you guys finished up the show. And then afterwards, when Sean died,

I was, I had left to get Taco Bell. Oh, delicious. And so then you guys texted me about, sorry, Sean, you're dead. Don't talk. So when Sean, and then you text me that Sean died

and I had a tiny, I was like almost done with my Mountain Dew and I poured the rest of it out into the street. And so that for me was what happened in Seattle. And you guys drafted Disney Channel original movies. And I was like wow I really wish we had drafted that or will have had wanted to future

past draft that at in Brooklyn yeah and I remember that being if you're on the fence about that second show in Brooklyn maybe get off the fence maybe all we know for sure is if we see Randy Johnson in the middle of the street in seattle i'm covering sean batter up we got you dude you're gonna get him you're gonna

hop on the grenade i appreciate it we're gonna hit it back me and david you're gonna throw a bird at it yeah yeah david stays with a bird ian's got a falcon on him at all times so yeah constantly yeah not in the house the falcon is at Erewhon right now buying a $60 bottle of juice but he will be back. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram.

Sean voiding Randy Johnson in real life. Come see me tomorrow night. I'll be at Revolution Hall with Ian. Out of bed. And if you're in San Francisco

December 2nd and 3rd I'll be at Cobb's Comedy Club with Kyle. And if you're in Portland December 4th I'll be at Healing Comedy Club with Ian. Out of bed. And if you're in San Francisco, December 2nd and 3rd, I'll be at Cobb's Comedy Club with Kyle. And if you're in Portland, December 4th, I'll be at Healing Comedy Club with David. Oh, that's true.

And then Faded at the end of November. I really, really, really want you to come out. If you're in Portland, it's November 23rd at Migration Brewing. We have Katrina Davis.

She is fantastic. We met at the High Plains Comedy Festival. You're going to absolutely love her. Katrina rules. You've seen her on Comedy Central. have katrina davis she is fantastic uh we met at the high plains comedy festival she's you're you're going to absolutely love her katrina rules you've seen her on comedy central you've seen her on don't tell uh she's all over the place come on out it's a it's a modest 15 for the best show in town come down there november 23rd the night before thanksgiving you know let us be the palate cleanser for what will be your family hangout the next day we will see you there it's so true david david boy is here cool guy jokes 87 on instagram not on twitter no we don't need to belabor the point but if it was he would be at the real randy

johnson at the real big unit at the real big uh david where can people see your beautiful face your charming voice december 3rd you can come see me at the hereafter in seattle december 4th you can come see me at helium comedy club in portland oregon portland oregon december i don't have my shit on me it's just calm or don't man whatever man i'm trying to move into different avenues just go to the real big unit.gov and look up all your big unit go it go to who is the real big unit dot penis dot viz educate yourselves yeah research expand your mind read more than the headline yeah yeah katie, thank you for that.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're welcome. The byline. Prominent conspiracy theorist Katie Nolan is here. At Katie Nolan on Twitter. At Nady Colon on Instagram. At, right, at, we owe her an apology about Life is a Highway. Thank you.

Vindication. In the last podcast. We did just go. Yeah, you were right. I listened to it too. Yeah, we all just listened to Life is a Highway and it's too fast. The breakdown would be fun and that's it. They're like,

the little accordion or whatever that is, or harmonica. Yeah, there's one part of it that would be fun. The rest is just like two. It's not a wedding groove at all. Thank you. And I didn't make them say this. It feels like a really Katie Nolan thing to be like,

hey guys, go listen to it and tell me how right i was and i didn't they just did it on their own no we're good guys you're really good guys allies it's um this an audio medium i know that but i'm just warning you guys it's gonna get just get real dark in here uh the sun has started going down it's going down very quickly and i just feel like every seconds, it's getting darker in the room that I'm in. At some point, I'm going to have to get up and turn a lamp on. It looks like you're hostage right now. I know. Yeah.

Like they're being nice to you. It's pretty cool, huh? We're joined by who we think is Candy Nolan. It could be any uber talented, recently engaged. I mean, if you need any light. Oh, look at it. Spackle. Bling bling. I'm going to get into saying bling bling in

2022. It's like, I don't have a style. You gotta do it later. I'm doing it now. I'm into it, baby. Bling bling. Say like, badonkadonk, too. When people bring our food to the table, like when we're having dinner in Seattle or whatever, and the plates drop, I'm going to be like,

bling bling. Look at this. When you had dinner in Seattle. When I we're having dinner in Seattle or whatever, and the plates drop, I'm going to be like, bling bling, look at this. When you had dinner in Seattle. When I will have had dinner in Seattle. You had said then, bling bling blang. I said it. Bling bling. It passed. This is going to go right to my badonkadonk. Nice. Every time you have a chicken wing,

oh, it's going to go right to my badonkadonk. It's going to go right to my honky tonk badonkadonk. Oh my God. That would be a tight comedian. The slang too late comedian. Oh man. The JJ. Remember that one?

I've seen that guy. Yeah, that guy's everywhere. I've seen that guy a million times. Clubs and colleges. Yeah. Well, the self-aware slang too late comedian. How about that? Bling bling is still out here in these avenues.

Not so much in the streets, but it's in these avenues. It made it to the avenues. And the parkways. And it's in the outer sunset. Yeah. That's a San Francisco joke. That place is beautiful. Not for anybody.

I'll take it, though. Who? Ian's here. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram. Ian Carmel on TikTok. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram.

Ian Carmel on TikTok. Ian Carmel on Jewish Blues Clues, which is Jews Clues, which don't Google that. I wouldn't dare. Yeah, that's how Kyrie got caught up. It escalates pretty quickly. Free my guy, Kyrie.

Let's not. You have no idea where this story will be by the time this runs escalated to i'm sure he could have turned it around i think he's fully turned it around and now he's an unjust political prisoner get him out of gitmo if we're guessing at what's happening in like two weeks i I'm putting all I'm making a big bet and I'm putting all my money on Kyrie turning it around. But if it comes home for me,

you're going to make a million dollars. If I cash this in, I'm good. I'm good. Free Kyrie. You will see me tomorrow night at Revolution Hall doing stand-up comedy. You will see us November 20th at Revolution Hall doing a live all-families everything November 20th at Revolution Hall doing a live All Fans See Everything. But that's sold out already.

So why belabor the point? Wilbur Theater in Boston, Massachusetts, December 15th. Tickets still available. A very special, very charming, very positive, very Boston-y guest. You guys are all going to love. Yeah. Yeah, you will. December 16th. I'm so excited for this guest

so please go to the show mars mel is excited yes oh can i do one date i forgot fuck yeah uh the day after thanksgiving you can i'm headlining the comedy works in denver oh nice right yeah come we gotta sell that good so i'm gonna walk there for my house i'm gonna walk home if you're a female comic i don't think you can say that part out loud to walk home oh they don't know where i live no i guess i'm gonna wait till everybody leaves though yeah that sounds like a good plan 16 different david boys are gonna leave the club at the same time. Yeah. One of them is going to be on a lime bike. That's right. No, it's only like three blocks.

December 16th, we are at... December 16th, we're at the Bell House in Brooklyn. First show sold out. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Second show featuring the talents of Katie Nolan. Is sold out at this point. Let's just go ahead.

We got to assume. I have to. It's sold out at this point. Let's just go ahead. We got to assume. I have to imagine it's sold out by this point. Either that or your name is mud. It could be. My name is mud. My name is mud. No, that'll be sold out too. You guys blew it.

No. Okay. Then sometime next year, probably Phoenix. So stop DMing me about it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Phoenix will happen. We're trying to work it out right now.

We're also going to try to get to Atlanta. Oh, dude, we probably got 200 messages. I stopped keeping track, but it's been a lot. So we should go. Where did that apple come from? Did you just introduce an almost finished apple? And then like, we've been here for a minute. No. Just a mouth half waiting to take that last bite you did

why don't you guys play rock paper scissors and leave me alone all right all right uh we're here to fantasy draft Sorry I gotta Here to fantasy draft Tom's People named Tom Or things Tom's We're drafting Tom's It was suggested on Patreon right? Yes

Does it sound like I have an apple in my cheek Like a little chipmunk? No Yeah you sound like Tom Sawyer Oh shit Oh shit You sound like something's weird You sound like something's going on

But I wouldn't say it's an apple in your cheek. You sound weird. All right, cool. Can you do the Billy Goat thing with that, or is that too much? So we're drafting Toms. Marissa, how's that sound? Good or great? Honestly, this is pretty...

I dig this. That's pretty cool. Wait, can we talk into bottles on this show now? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're here. What if I talk into my cup? Is that doing all right? Brother, I have been waiting years for this. I don't have a

bottle. That's all right. Mine's a bottle of skin. It's my hands. I put my hands on it. That's the worst. Not at all. A bottle of skin? Get your bottle of skin out of my face.

It is too dark in your room for you to see. What a kind of mood you're in. Okay. I'm going to do a light. I can put a light on, I guess. No, I don't care. Let's get weird.

That's why they call it windowpane. So, the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I win! David thought we were both going to throw paper. Yeah, I did for sure. See, I knew Sean was going to do exactly what we did before. I thought you were going to do scissors like we and i thought david would throw paper like he does why would you just keep living the same i don't know scissors every time my buddy rat back in the day says every time that was my buddy rat back in the day he said it i always just do it it's it's my fault sounds like it's rat's fault a lot of things are rats you have no idea well it's

rat's fault that katie nolan won and katie as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft i think that now that i got it you know now that i have the power um i wish i had i wish i didn't um it's uh heavy hangs the head that's right but i'm gonna go before you before before you do that though i'm so sorry i'm so sorry to intervene uh mid-sentence but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft oh shoot okay what is that exactly that's a great question when you vacuum it's like when you vacuum the carpet me anyways i go uh you know i start at the bottom i go to the to the one side of the room and i just barely turn around and then i go back to the one side of the room and I just barely turn around. And then I go back to the other side of the room

and then I just barely turn around. I do it like that. A lot of people just kind of go forward, pull back, move, go forward, pull back. But I feel like that's a waste of energy because you're doing two lines. You know what I mean? So I go all the way down just like that,

just back and forth, turning a little bit each time, going the other way. You get it. Wow. There you have it. In detail. There it is, folks. In depth. Hot off the press. In case anyone needed further explanation, that means you pick

fourth in the first round, then you pick first in the second round. Now, Katie Nolan, beloved friend, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? It's going to go Sean, me, David, Ian. John Kennedy.

What's that noise you made, Sean? Do it again. Okay. I don't get to go first a lot. It's pretty awesome. All right. Yeah. Go first, baby.

First, baby. Proud of you. Yeah. First is kind of the toughest pick on this draft. You were going to say it's the toughest sport. It's the toughest sport. Did you hear yourself start to get British?

My dad says wrestling's not a sport. My dad says wrestling's not a sport. Wrestling's not a fucking school too. I'll throw all the games. Wrestling can get these hands anytime they want. This is a proud house. Sean, do you have the first pick?

In the Tom's All Fantasy Everything draft, and we will get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language The best way is to uproot your entire life You drop everything you're doing

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You know, Babbel's tips and tools. Like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key, conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10 minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself,

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spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash allfantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. Dan, we're back! Yeah. This energy. You thought we were on some new shit last week? No! Fuck you!

Yeah! Hit him! Hell no! Hit him, bro! Tell him! We're coming in harder! He deserves it! This is it!

We're the only podcast the only podcast because we kidnap the other ones hit him or i'm gonna hit you in the motherfucking basement kidnap that we put him in the basement and we lock the door there aren't any other katie who's also clearly in a basement it's dark enough i can't see anything behind you now it's i only see you you're just you you look like you look like you're gonna drop a hashtag wicked freestyle hashtag juggalo monday yo check it uh this is the only podcast all parents hear everything all other podcasts are uh fictional fake they are delusions

that you should see a health professional about this is if somebody tries to make when it's complete shit it sucks and that's all i hear i wouldn't go that far unless katie ever decides to make another podcast also my mama told my mama told me yeah my mama told me but those are the ones and npr that just seems good planet money's good you know money's good this blended table we celebrate all those. Maintenance phase. Backups to car talk. Yeah, maintenance phase. If we're talking about planets,

Planet Hollywood's pretty good. Planet Hollywood's cool. Go have a hamburger. Are they still open? Do they still open? I hope so, man. There's one that will never close, and that's the one.

In your heart. Oh, I thought you were going to say Burbank. That's the one. In Tallahassee. Sean Jordan, you have the first pick and the toms all fair to say everything draft i i think i know what you're gonna take but what if you don't i i feel like he has to what if you don't there's not what if i don't there's no way around it the gentleman signed uh a flight helmet to me and it was given to me at my wedding by ian carmel

he's uh just fantastic we've talked we've talked about him quite a bit on this particular show tom cruise gotta pick tom cruise tom map is it mapother or mapother tommy de la cruz i always said yeah tommy de la cruz he's this cuban dude that keep your eye on but he is boxing he is out there and he's boxing and he's going to hold the title real soon. Tommy De La Cruz. Here's the funny thing about your Tom Cruise helmet that I got you for your wedding. Yeah. Preach, bro. It's fake.

It says you can be my wingman. I did it. It was me. I signed it. And now's the time to tell you. And you don't know what a signature looks like. I did it. I thought you'd Google it. Honestly, I thought you'd notice right away. You didn't tell you and you don't know what a signature looks like I did it I thought you'd google it

honestly I thought you'd notice right away you didn't kind on you Cruz is spelled wrong it's C-R-E-W-S like Terry

it's just Terry's brother you can't trust your friends dude if I wanted to teach you one thing at your wedding is don't trust your friends because they maybe at the late late show Ian's like

hey sign this for me cool guy yeah it's not fraud it's not fraud he It's not fraud. He's a hard worker. It is a Iceman quote on there. You can be my wingman anytime. I panicked when Tom Cruise was there, and I was like, hey, would you put you can be my wingman anytime?

But I also think that's a really nice message amongst friends. Yeah. Without realizing that that is a Iceman quote, and I had Tom Cruise sign it. He was cool about it. Do you think when he wrote it, he was like, this fucking idiot. He has no shit about shit. I bet you Tom Cruise, I honestly bet you he was like,

he thinks this is something I said in the movie. A lot of people think that. That's absolutely fine. It's a very popular phrase from the movie. Really? You think that highly of Tom Cruise? I think he knows exactly what he's... Sean often goes into the mind of tom cruise on this podcast tom cruise knows the name of every person that works on

the movie that he's doing i think he's very meticulous with that stuff i think he knows the lines and i bet you he doesn't think ill of somebody for mistaking that line for his because it's one of the most popular lines in the movie i I bet you he didn't care one bit. What I'm hoping is that Iceman once said to him, you can be my wingman anytime. And now he is taking that honor and passing it on to one Sean Jordan. Paint it forward, as they say. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I took it.

I can be his wingman anytime. Window painting it forward. Right. If you just walked up, said, could you sign this say with uh i guess that's why they call it windowpane then sign it sign it from a different project you don't know how many celebrities do you think you could get to sign something with that quote oh my god i bet a gang i'd do it yeah what's like the most famous quote from in a movie what's like the most famous movie quote it'd just be fun to have other celebrities do that. Yes. Frankly, my dear, I don't

give a damn. I'll have what she's having. This is Barter Town. Yeah, this is Barter Town. This is Barter Town. Everybody knows hoverboards don't work on water. If you could just sign this, Anybody Home McFly? I bet he

would have done it. Like, okay. All right. You think Tommy Cruz gets down like that? Didn't you say something funny? Like he... Didn't you say something funny one time? No. Wasn't that one time you said something funny?

No, that sounds like me. You asked him if he'd sign it and you go, you want me to sign this? You want me to sign this right now? That's what he said? Or no, he goes, I'm going to sign this. I'm going to sign this right now. I'm going to sign this right now.'s what he said or no he goes i'm gonna sign this i'm gonna sign this right now i'm gonna sign this right now yeah i love that because he's present he lives in the present guy is here for every moment of his own life

sean i'm gonna sign this i'm gonna sign this right now yeah and then just did it life's long if you do it right that's weird he's a weird guy he's a weird guy what are your five favorite Tom Cruise movies mine? yeah Top Gun, Maverick Cocktail Vanilla Sky I really like

I love Vanilla Sky we've done this before but I love Vanilla Sky I don't like you when you're in the dark and you do that. That's why Penelope Cruz whispering. We literally drafted Tom Cruise movies. Yeah, but I didn't get to pick my top five. Specifically, it's tough

because... No Jerry Maggs? Probably. Yeah, Jerry Maguire. I was going to maybe say Mission Impossible. No, those are down those are down there for me damn yeah jerry mcguire we'll do that i love vanilla sky i think it's great jason lee's great in it it's it's a fun movie i think it's really fun it's got a killer soundtrack

anyway you didn't feel like for my wedding you should have gotten me like i know tom cruise like i had access to him right it's there but like then i got married and i didn't get like shit who do i have access to you couldn't have But like then I got married and I didn't get like. Shit. Who do I have access to? You couldn't have gotten me like, I don't know, like a Bible signed by. I didn't think this through.

I would have had God sign a Bible for you, but I don't think she had the time. Damn, Sean. Damn, Sean. Woke King. I don't know if she had the time to do that. You couldn't have gotten me a bag of trail mix signed by trader joe or something there we go there it is tom cruise first pick yeah obviously sorry obvious first round talent katie nolan time for your first pick i'm gonna take tom hanks yeah yeah you had to yeah you had to had to

had to gave sean a chance to but yeah he if i think if it wouldn't have been me up first i think tom hanks probably would have gone first i think he's well that's the time i mean it's tough he was my top tom those are literally the only two toms i care about the rest of these are just like loose homes ones i could think of yeah these are toms under your car seat oh i didn't even think i had candy in here hey they're out of hanks they got these other toms all right i gotta get back to work scrape a few toms together i think there's some other good toms oh yeah can i say this about hanks oh boy better be if it's better be nice because you guys just praised that scientologist for five minutes.

Can I say this about Tom Hanks, which I have a pretty good Tom Hanks. With this knife at your throat. Sorry, go ahead. There's no crying in baseball. That's good. Can I just say that? No. Also, shout out to the new league of their own.

Pretty good. I haven't seen it yet. It's been a minute for all Hanks. Hanksie Panksie. It's been a minute. It's been a minute since then. It's a great pick. Don't get me wrong. It's fantastic. It's perfect. What are we coming to me for? Ian's saying he hasn't had a hit in a while.

What a stray. What do you mean it's been a while? It's been a minute. What's the last great... What's the last good even? What's the last good Tom Hanks performance? I don't know. David S. Pumpkins? Performing the act of being a loving husband? How about

Rita Wells and Dustin Fulfill? How about performing, surviving, being early COVID survivor, how about? Yeah, a lot of people did that. You know what? First story's four? Yeah.

It was good. Come on. What have you done for me lately in tom hanks as a conversation piece yes i'm not doing that i'm not doing that do the um didn't he just do the mr rogers let me yeah he did people like that which people a lot of them i'd like to meet them. Movie type people. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it.

I liked it. Are you IMDBing him? Allow me to walk us down the Tom Hanks recent IMDB. Just as a thought experiment. Damn. Somebody came prepared for someone else to pick Tom Hanks. I would have taken him. Don't get me wrong.

If I drafted second, I absolutely would have taken Tom Hanks. Career achievement. You can't knock it. If I drafted second, I absolutely would have taken Tom Hanks. Career achievement. You can't knock it. Lately, Pinocchio heard bad things. Elvis. Heard bad things. Saw it. Elvis was really bad.

It was really bad, and he's the worst part about it. I know. Whoa. He's really bad. That guy didn't even have an accent. Tom Hanks gave him that accent. Weird choice. All right. Tom Hanks gave him that accent. Weird choice. All right.

Finch? What's that? That's one of those weird- I don't even know what that is. About birds? I think it's one of those Apple TV Plus exclusives that he did. Which I love. And let me say, I watched it front to back.

Apple TV Plus- Quality. Is the best of the services. Maybe the best movie. News of the World, another one like that greyhound was that like it was like a battleship movie i've never heard of any of these a beautiful day in the neighborhood there's fred rogers there it is fine maybe and then the post was pretty good i'm just saying it's been but the post wasn't great and then the circle inferno sully a hologram a hologram for the king all right he's booked and

busy he's working he's working i think it's bridge of spies in 2015 i'm gonna i'm gonna do this to you just just because so if you go before maverick now this is before maverick maverick is amazing but if you go before maverick you have fallout in 2018 which is great which is a great movie tom hanks didn't have a banger before that in my opinion lived i repeat that was edge tomorrow that was 2014 what do you call it by its british title yeah so but i'm saying like hanks had a or uh cruise had a little dry spell too. People can take time off. No, they can't. He hasn't been taking time off.

That's the thing. He's been working. This is my point against Thomas. The hits are so big, I don't care. Right, but in Catch Me If You Can, the accent that he did was bad. I just think he needs a heater because it's been a minute

alright what about the last Toy Story 4 that was a while ago but it's Toy Story 4 and it's like come on we're gonna keep giving him credit for that yeah the hits are so huge I think you're laying down how big the hits are though

Mr. Apollo 13 most people don't get one of those no he's got six, but like. Staying likable too is crazy. Yeah, Tom Cruise doesn't have a fucking Forrest Gump. I think he might. Tom Cruise has a lot of Forrest Gumps. Forrest Gump?

Rain Man. Oh, Days of Thunder. That was Dustin Hoffman's Forrest Gump. That wasn't his Gump. You're giving somebody else the Gump. I'm just saying, you know. You can't re-Gump. That wasn't his gump. You're giving somebody else the gump. I'm just saying, you know. You can't re-gump. You can re-gump.

What is this, a white elephant party? I'm just saying it's interesting. You're just slandering is what you're doing. Look, Tom Hanks, that's my pick. It takes a lot. You got to be really likable to give us Chet Hanks and we're still cool with you. Not that kind of.

No, I am, I actually, yeah. You don't hold it against him as much as you would hold it against somebody else, I think. There's not a lot of dudes that you would tell me were Chet Hanks' dad. Alright, I guess that's cool. If David Duchovny was Chet Hanks' dad.

You're talking about that rapper? Chet Hanks? Is he thatey was chet hanks oh my god you're talking about that rapper they both be out of here yeah is he that rapper chet hanks i mean he would love if you described him that way yes yeah he likes that you said that he's tom hanks's kid who thinks he's got a smart reason to talk in a patois and you're like that's not oh that's not the worst he's talking oh no really he's out there saying the words yeah he says a lot of stuff i'm out of the loop i'm out of i haven't checked my chad hanks subreddit in uh sometime he has to sit at like a different house at thanksgiving like there's colin there's colin hanks and tom hanks have and rita wilson all having thanksgiving and then chad hanks is at like the holiday and

having thanksgiving with the family they call it but they're like yeah you just got to go to the holiday and do it but it's with the family for sure call it. But they're like, yeah, you just got to go to the Holiday Inn and do it. But it's with the family, for sure. Tom's off making another bad movie, nobody's going to say. All right, you know what? Let's move on to the third pick, okay? Let's hear about your Toms. I've never heard you go like this for Hanks. I love Tom Hanks.

Life is a highway, dude. Let's just keep it rolling. Yeah, you got to ride it all night long. David Borey, time for your third pick. I'm taking the Welsh Wonder Man. I'm taking Tom Jones. Whoa. Not unusual.

Notorious hog. Big hog. Notorious voice. Does he have a smoker on him? I didn't know that. I could tell. Known for smoking. Really?

Known for smoking. He's got a famously honking bongo. He's the reason they say no smoking in public restrooms. Damn. He's got a honking bongo? He's got a honking bongo. He's got a honking bongo. Just like the old school, just an old school sex symbol. Oh, yeah.

That was the whole thing. Robust baritone, that thick voice. Come on. His pants. I just found a picture of him and his pants literally could not be tighter. Hold on. Dropping it in the chat. Let's go.

Let's see. Can you see the hog? Well. you see the outline of the hog just google image search you can see all four quads in each leg yeah you can't he looks like an action figure his legs look like that action figure legs like the pants are painted on here's the mirror headline sir tom jones slept uh with up to 250 women a year but only ever loved one damn his mother oh not that they had sex i'm just saying that's the only woman he's ever loved you know yeah oh my god wait this is kind of an obituary. What? Oh, God. I found a picture of it.

Put it in the chat. How? Put it in the chat. Then please put it in the chat. Oh, my God. Look how tan he got at one point. Everybody join us. Google Tom Jones Hawk.

Cock and balls, a photo study of Rock. God's packages in very tight trousers. Oh, look at Mick Jagger. Look at Mick Jagger. Oh my God, Mick. Jesus. Sassy little lad. What is the imagery we're going for there?

Hendrix had one on him too. Oh my God. Jones has got a hog and a piece on him. Figure out what that means. He's got a gun in this picture. Is that Robert Plant? Yeah. Ringo Starr had to sit down all the time.

That's crazy. Yeah. Robert Eggplant. That's a big one. Does it work if you say like, is that Robert's plant? Is that Jimi Hendrix? Oh my God. The pubic cleavage. Yeah. Rod Stewart has a pretty normal dong. Is that Rod Stewart? I'm just going to do it

with every single one of them. Is that Freddie's Mercury I'm just going to do it with every single one of them. Freddie Mercury, pretty regular dong. Is that Freddie's Mercury? Whoa, Tom Jones! Wait, wait, how far down is it? It goes like halfway down his leg. Holy shit! Wow.

These are the most side pipes I've ever seen in one collection having to pick a side to put it on are these are these juiced some of these might be some of them are juiced i think tommy's bowies looks like it's rock hard and facing up tom's is tom's is known tom's is proven yeah i don't think that's just so this is for some reason on if the listeners at home for some reason on a website called design you trust.com yeah Jim Morrison cock and balls a photo study that's like that picture of um John Hamm remember that picture of John Hamm where we could see the outline here's one of John Lennon where it looks like he's got like a nine inch dick some of these are just Tom's is uh like fighting his jeans i'd never seen a dick that tough brian jones is all balls no cock tell you right now man that's a that's a weird life

he's got a fat sack he's just sitting on fat stacks john lennon's is john lennon's juice i can see the tip of it that's insane it's two you could never see the tip of it. That's insane. It's two. Through corduroys? It's two, yeah. You could never see the mushroom through a corduroy print. It's Photoshopped. I think Mark Bolin. Yeah. Damn, we just out here looking at dongs, dude. Lennon doesn't have, Lennon, that's like a legendary dick. Yeah.

Eddie Van Halen wishes, I'll tell you that right now. Mm-hmm. I think Jim Morrison's is fake, too. I do, yeah. There's some juice dicks on here. Yeah. But Tom Jones, not juice. I think Jim Morrison's is fake too. I do, yeah. There's some juice dicks on here. But Tom Jones, not juice. Andy Gibb looks like he puts his balls on one side of his jeans and his dick on the other side, which is smart.

With pants that tight, you'd almost have to. There's nowhere else to have it go. Well, no, it looks like all the other ones have them on the same side. It's also like how you don't want your whole family on one flight just in case the plane crashes. Yeah yeah you don't put the president and the vice on their designated survivor situation in case somebody comes at you with a buzzsaw on the left side of your leg you still want your nuts tom jones has a song called sex bomb and i think we know what the sex bomb is yeah yeah if i'm if i'm not, there's a story of him. He broke one.

A dick? A ball? A vagina? You must be more specific. Oh, how do you break a vagina? A kid comes out of that. He couldn't. No, they're too resilient.

You can't break it. Google Tom Jones breaks one. I've already fucked up my Google for the day. The only way to break it is to seal it up. Maybe he did. Pretty sure he broke one. I think it was that lady who elvira all right this feels very all right no it's not look i'm i'm 90 sure i'm right i mean we have to get on with the podcast but i will but i'll do it whoa elvira actress sought medical attention after losing virginity to Tom Jones?

Oh, it wasn't she lost her virginity? Oh. Well, that's... Well, you don't. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. We're qualifying him. Breaking one?

Well. No. Katie, someone's in your house. Oh, somebody did sneak up on you. Holy God. That scared the Christ out of me. You put it on. You are the sweetest.

Wait, can you turn that light on for me, please? You've been sitting in there for an hour in the pitch black. What up, Playboy? Congratulations. Jason, what up, Playboy? Congratulations. Oh, tell him I said thank you. He says thank you.

Tell him we said Tom Jones broke one. Tom Jones broke one. Did you know that? What said Tom Jones broke one. Tom Jones broke one. Did you know that? Tom Jones broke a vagina. Really? Elvira's vagina. He broke it? Yeah.

Damn. You should Google it. That's why she was up all night. Get informed, dude. It's in the press. God is no shit. But anyways, yeah, Tom Jones. Excellent pick.

Good pick. I think he broke one. Time for my uh first and second picks with my first one look man the stock the stock is down right now and i'll buy all you got oh no i'll buy all you got give me tom terrific the greatest quarterback of all time i gotta take tom brady tom brady yeah my man wants to smash a tablet. I am. That's all I ever seem to announce, smashing those tablets.

Smashing tabs. Just fucking ruining expensive tablets. Doing dabs. Smashing tabs. Doing dabs. Smashing tabs. So when I draft Tom Brady, I am getting the illustrious football career from a sixth round draft pick who nobody thought would make it to the greatest quarterback of all time.

I'm getting that. He's a sixth round draft pick? I didn't know that. Sixth? How did you not know that? I don't know anything about sports, really. Also, the weirdest native Californian ever. Really weird.

Doesn't seem Californian at all. Really strange guy. He's from the Bay Area, dog. He's from San Mateo. He does not give off that vibe at all. Even kind of. I don't even think he's heard of E-40. I was about to say, he's an E-40.

There's no way. We're in the same habitat. Who drafted Tom Brady? The Patriots. What's happening, Sean? You good? Was he a first string? Did he start off playing?

Did he start when they drafted him? He was behind Drew Bledsoe. And then when he got hurt. And that's how he started playing. And then he just started killing it like a movie. Drew Bledsoe much they had to give him a blood transfusion. Damn. Yeah, there you go.

What's going on with Tom Brady right now? Why is he in hot water? Well, he's getting a divorce. He's going through a divorce. And he stinks. He's stinking. Point is, he should have retired. He told Gisele he was going to retire.

He retired for a second. And then he came back and played. And he's been point is he should have retired he told giselle he was going to retire retired for a second and then he came back and played and he's been stinking and i think she's probably like had it up to here because she quit super modeling um which i don't really know i don't think you can do that you've got it you're gonna keep the face we're gonna still take a picture of you you're still hot so but she retired like early in their relationship. And I feel like she must've been like, okay, time for us to actually have a marriage. And he was like,

no. So now they're getting a divorce. Crazy. Isn't his record worse than it's ever been. Yeah. Yeah. Since he's been broke one. Yeah.

I don't know. He broke an ATM one time. He, uh, but what I'm also drafting is single tom brady and and what he's about to do to the in their 30s dating scene of tampa bay i think it's no no no i don't the guy's never had a coffee i don't think he's gonna run rampant he doesn't eat tomatoes i think it's i think it's gonna be weird i don't agree with that I don't think he's going to run rampant. He doesn't eat tomatoes. I think it's going to be weird. I agree with that. I don't think he's putting up numbers.

I think it's going to get weird. Yeah. Yeah. I think he might do that. Remember when he got drunk after that Super Bowl and everybody was like, what? Yeah. Yeah, I do remember that. It was uncomfortable.

He was like a 13-year-old. You were just like, what are you doing? How little alcohol it takes when you haven't drank for a really long time. When a strawberry is a bad food for you. Yeah. He probably had like a mimosa. Some champagne.

Nice. I could see him out here dating a female bodybuilder. I could see him... Pretty much just that. I think I could see him dating a female bodybuilder. could see him i don't i i that pretty much just that i think i could see him dating a female body i could see that i could see that some type of uh some type of like a comptroller or something comptroller brady being a little more fluid than we thought he was maybe i could see that he's from the bay still comptroller though i think it's more likely that he dates like comptroller is what i was

thinking marjorie taylor green then he dates oh my god tommy lauren yeah tommy lauren oh yeah unfortunately i can see that yikes yikes i thanks i hate it he's just gonna work his way Across the Blaze Network Is that what it is? No what's the network? Own? No that's Oprah's network That's one too What if he worked his way

Across Oprah's network? What if he dates Oprah? Come on Oh shit Titans I can't even imagine What that kid would look like That's the only way

To get back at Giselle Close your eyes And try to picture that kid We found out last night That Dan and Oprah Have the My Dan Soder And Oprah have the same size head. How did she find that out?

Size of a hat. Somebody said Oprah, I'm actually taking someone's word for it that Oprah's hat size is an eight, but Dan's is an eight. Whoa, she's an eight? Damn, Soder's an eight? I thought I got a big head.

Yeah. I'm a seven and a half strong. She's an eight. Oprah's an eight. That's what I heard. I really should have Googled that, but. Well'm a seven and a half strong. She's an eight. Oprah's an eight. That's what I heard. I really should have Googled that. Well, I'll never get a bill. Never going to touch a billion.

No, head's not big enough. Tom Brady's my first pick. Okay. Second pick is crucial. I'm taking petty. Yeah, I figured. Damn it. is crucial i'm taking petty yeah i figured damn it may he rest in eternal sunbaked peace fucking hits dude another guy who's doing damage from north florida i think or somewhere in florida

gainesville wherever that is tom petty the original heartbreaker so many fucking hits you forget how many hit you think you know how many hits yeah you forget how many you're wrong you always remember how many hits no i meant like you think you know and you're wrong but i think i might have said it a little later and i'm i regret it i love that i hadn't talked about i was eating panera so i wanted to make sure people remembered i was here go ahead get that pea bread free falling last dance with mary jane won't back down stop dragging my heart around running down a dream you don't know how it feels learning to fly american girl don't come around here anymore refugee don't do me like that i'm gonna keep going higher breakdown it's good to

be king here comes my girl into the great wide open there's a lot of them what's your favorite tom petty song that's a great question i think free falling that's your favorite yeah yeah because i lived in the valley oh yeah living in recita yeah and ventura boulevard and stuff and just like he says he calls people ghouls in that song and that's the thing i like to call people yeah like specific type of la people the valley i think my favorite is you're so bad you know that one i don't think so my sister got lucky married i got you to save me now everybody that just heard that they're gonna think that tom petty's death was uh hoax not true because they're they're gonna think that he was actually on the podcast not tom petty that was ian carmel everybody just to be

clear just to avoid any sort of legal murky area that we do have to say that that was ian carmel everybody just to be clear just to avoid any sort of legal murky area that we do have to say that that was me yeah now i will say the explosion started at the bottom but we should clear that up yeah yeah that's again too well i welcome the legal ramifications for saying that but let's just look into that because we're not we're not drawing conclusions we're asking questions can't i can't draw a conclusion the same way jet fuel can't melt a steel beam so that's true that's what that's just me being me but i can't draw a horse i can draw homer simpson if anybody needs a drawing of a horse i can take the number 23 and turn it into a dog wearing a hat so if anybody needs any of that uh venmo us ten dollars and

we'll make sure you get a video of that uh venmo us ten dollars and we'll make sure you get a video of that happening venmo me 10 bucks i'll draw you homer simpson and i'll draw you a picture of a horse or i'll send you a picture of a horse i drew previously i'm not guaranteeing everyone gets an original horse but i can i'll send you an original homer simpson all right yeah it's 10 bucks in your address and i'll get you i'll draw you homer simpson all right yeah it's 10 bucks in your address and i'll get you i'll draw you homer simpson and mill it was like that shark tank sharks like i was like i'll draw you a cat or whatever oh yeah i need you everybody a cat i think it blew up yeah did it really tom petty right that's awesome he fucking rules he just rules david borey tom petty and the heartbreakers

are maybe the greatest they're like probably a top five American rock band yeah D12 Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers bizarre solo career ladies please don't fight

David time for your second pick laughing laughing oh bizarre I'm taking Tommy Chong David, time for your second pick. I'm taking Tommy Chong. Oh, gosh. I got to open for Tommy Chong one time. Was he great?

It was tight. So the owners of the club, they were like, so Tommy said that, what did they say? They said that if you want him to sign something saying that you opened for him he'll sign that and i i was like that's pretty wild thing and then i asked him about it he's like oh no man i i mean yeah sure but you can just tell people i mean it was crazy because they they made that paper or something like if you want a proof document yeah but they didn't want me to go talk to him because a lot of people are out here lying. Like, they got a guest set. Yeah, it's a certificate of authentication. But they set it up to basically make it sound like that was his thing

because he didn't want people in the green room or something. And then I found out they were lying and they just didn't want me back there talking to him. That was it. He was a really cool dude. That was my way of saying that. Is that completely lost? No.

Okay. Tommy Chong. Yeah. Yeah, he was dope. I'm more of an up and smoke guy than a still smoking guy but you know you couldn't smoke at his shows because it said he said he was allergic so the people in the first this is when you could smoke in bars the people in the first two rows couldn't smoke cigarettes and they were so pissed off because they couldn't smoke and there was like the whole thing we want to smoke while seeing tommy chong and you're like cigarettes are different yeah tell me if this is true he always

he always seemed a little closer to his character than cheech did yeah does that make sense yeah for sure tommy chong seemed like that dude and cheech was like kind of playing it up right and i just he just seems like a cool guy he went to prison prison for selling bongs. That could happen to any of us. Yeah. It's so wild. How did that happen? They were like selling them on the road, right? And then they like raided his house.

He was saying they were, you could sell tobacco. He was living in Canada when it happened. Well, he's from Canada, but he was saying there, you can say they were tobacco water pipes, but if anywhere, if this is so stupid, but if anywhere says that they're a bong, or if you ever imply that it can be used for marijuana at all in any way including just calling it a bong you will be arrested and he had a company where somehow i think it got implied that it was uh that it was a bong that's so ridiculous i mean obviously it's a bong why yeah why would any of course it's a bong yeah that's cops just being like we're so stupid and if you of course they were american laws though

of course they were because they were getting sent from canada to america i've never even heard of somebody entertaining the idea of smoking tobacco out of a weed bong i think about it all the time bummer no it'd be so much tobacco party ever that would hurt so bad if you took a bong rip of tobacco he was a cellmate of jordan belfort when he was in prison the wolf i didn't know that weirdly enough the wolf of wall street that's pretty black damn operation pipe so it's called operation pipe dream and operation headhunter which tried to trace drug traffic and users that would be about oh yeah what do they name the prostitution stings

operation bong operation hole in the wall wow they fucking stuck it to tommy chong but yeah he just seems like a fucking he just seems how long was he in there for a year oh like actual time that's so crazy year of your life gone in there for he was in it for a minute i probably shouldn't just assumed you'd know the answer to that but i feel like how much you guys seem to know. Ian's a big Jordan Belfort guy. What Belfort guy? Who's in there for Jordan Belfort, Tucker Max. Ian knows all these dudes. Sign me up.

Life history. Sign me up. I stay signed up. I stay Tucker Max so I don't have to get Tucker Max. Tommy Chong. Excellent pick. Katie Nolan, time for your second pick. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm with my Excellent pick. Katie Nolan, time for your second pick. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And with my second pick, I'm going to take the number 40 on Rolling Stone's all-time greatest guitarists, Tom Morello. Tom Morello. I figured he was going to get. Yeah. A little cameo in the movie Made Tom Morello. Oh, yeah? He's one of the dudes at the bachelor

party if you if you're familiar with the movie made i'm not i saw tom morello once i was driving on sunset and he was in a very bougie cafe having like lunch with what must have been his agent but it's just like jarring to see him there in his little che guevara hat yeah at a place it's like a 26 dollar croissant. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Just like something with whipped cream and strawberries on it.

Why are you coming at all my picks? Can I just ask you why you're coming at all my picks? Get him. Is there something that I did or. This is what happens when we back to back. Shit gets weird. I'm not even. That's not a question.

I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.

I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.

I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.

I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.

I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.

I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. That's what was happening. You specifically mentioned the hat he was wearing, juxtaposed with...

I do see how that could seem like that's what was happening. Juxtaposed to be nice to our guests. Yeah, dude. I love Tom Morello. Yeah. I love Rage Against the Machine. So good. Dan and I went and saw them when they came to Madison Square Garden.

It was awesome. It was like the greatest show ever. Did it run the Jewels Open? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. I love Velvet Revolver. How about that?

Yeah. I used to have an Evil Empire shirt that went down to my knees when I was 13, 14 maybe. Remember knee shirts? I don't have any shirts that go to my knees anymore. It was- tall tees you mean yeah i still i still have it back at the crib at my mom's house and it's i put it on now and it's it's gigantic i can't i don't know what i was thinking when i was 13 well i mean i was thinking it was dope but yeah pretty much all you thought at 13 i got i got footlot or champ sports used to have tall tees

that were like three for 20 they sure did and i got i got three and i just couldn't i never felt you never did it i know i got some and i just the that first pack i got yeah i was just like this is not i can't it's not for me tom morello worked as a male stripper when he first moved to la yeah why do you think i picked him yeah it was rage against the what i just love the i just love the way he's got i love the way his dick looks when it's pressed up against his very tight pants on a website david sent me in the chat and you love the way he lies that too i also i swear i've been saying for a long time that I keep like, quoting him on something because I could have sworn I once read a Tom Morello quote that was like, the only thing you have to do, the only thing we're responsible for doing is marrying your life's work and your belief system or something.

didn't say it much smoother than that but then since trying to google it and find it cannot find it anywhere so i feel like i might have just been saying it and attributing it to him but it's not really real either way it reflects positively on him and i like all the different ways he plays his guitar yeah he's just like you can all do it the one way but he does it like a bunch of different ways and like to me that's special if i ever swing by that bougie brunch place i'll ask him if he said that you know what hey did you say something about your beliefs and your life's work is that something you said i uh i misattributed him to velvet revolver it was audio slave that was the band he was oh yeah that's why i was like what's he all right yeah that's my stupid dumb dumb brain audio slave was Chris Chris Cornell right

Chris Cornell Chris Cornell dude just a real serious Chris Parnell in a band called audio slave very funny rage rules have you guys ever seen that video of them like right before they got huge like performing in a record store but they have all their songs off that first album

that's good YouTube they were children they were all their songs off that first album. That's good YouTube. They were children. They were fucking tearing it up. That's a good watch. Tom Morello, excellent pick, Eddie Nolan. Sorry about my brunch criticism. Sean Jordan, everybody got to eat brunch. Sean Jordan, time for your second and third picks. There's a South Dakota boy

that can't be left off this list. He could be. No, he ain't gonna be. He's going early, too. Nobody else is gonna take him. Tom Brokaw, baby. Damn it! I did have him on my list. Out there can't be left off this list he could be no he ain't gonna be he's going early too nobody else is gonna take him tom brokaw baby all right damn it i did have him on my list out there keeping us swimming in current events and news for over 50 years this man not a scandal to be found on this guy pristine born in webster south dakota i believe went to yankton high school letting people know that south yankton playboy that's where i? Letting people know that South Yankton, playboy. That's where I was. I ain't gonna lie, fuck better when I'm drinking.

You guys remember that song? Do you guys not remember that song? No, I'm in Yankton. No, I don't. Oh, well, the chorus says my pussy be Yankton. Ah, all right. I was going to say Yankton sounds like LinkedIn, but for hand jobs. That's actually how Sean joined the Crips. He got Yankton sounds like linkedin but for hand jobs that's actually how sean joined the crips damn tom brokaw is old now can you imagine that there's no girls around so we're gonna have to

yank you in tom broke boy tom brokaw man uh, South Dakota, holding it down. Strong jaw. Just a... Tom Brokaw. Okay, sure. I will say, I had him on this list. I definitely met Peter Jennings.

How do you do? Get a good Tom Brokaw. Good South Dakota boy, Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw. You know Tommy Chong's two years older than Tom Brokaw. This is Tom Brokaw. Good South Dakota boy, Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw. You know Tommy Chong's two years older than Tom Brokaw? Shut up. Really? Tom Brokaw looks like marijuana.

That's like the first time you heard how old George Clooney is in relation to Brad Pitt and you're like, what? Wait, what is it? I think he's only like two or three years older than him. Like it feels like he should be. George Clooney is? I think. Again, this isn't a real fact.

Tom Brokaw, baby. South Dakota creeping in there The aforementioned Tommy Lahren Can fuck off she's also Tom Or South Dakota if she wasn't going to make the list Really? Yeah she was the only other Tom That I had to choose from for South Dakota She can fucking

Anyway What is it third now? That's right Can I pick a fictional tom you can do whatever you want tommy boy i knew it tommy boy yeah much better than black sheep yeah uh you know it did they were like the same movie i know i'm not splitting the atom here but when they made black sheep i was like i just make a make a make more tommy boy for me just keep it make a tommy boy too you know i didn't need black

sheep as a thicker as a not so tommy boy obviously chris farley dearly departed at a woefully young age his father in that movie brian dennehy brian as a man who has been much thicker and his you know who's still relatively thick compared to the average uh live to 81 and i just love i just love seeing that brian dennehy dennehy have you heard there's that serengeti song where he raps all about chicago and he's he just says dennehy dennehy the whole chorus is like oh what's it's like o'doul's something denny he denny he denny it's just so god damn you were saying brian denny he rapped all about chicago this dude can't be that zach hot beef zach used to play it oh young young uh young tiscani used to play it but uh anyway look it up it's a fun song

but uh yeah tommy boy just uh just a dope tommy you know dope tom it'sope Tom. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. Yeah. Fat Man in a Little Coat. It's the best movie. Were you Richard? That part, I was just probably new into maybe admitting we masturbated or something. But when that part, when he busted and beat him off, guys, guys my age. Him and the mouse in his pocket? Yeah.

Me and my one friend. They were all the Yanktown boys. What was the town called yankton not yank down it's yankton i believe it's a tribe like a native american squad don't do that to us i'm sorry i'm sorry you're being a bit of a bigot i believe it was the i believe it's a tribe and the indigenous guy yanking off people in south dakota come on i guess if you want to if you want to drag it through the mud you can if you want to be that kind of person but uh yeah yankton is the proper i think you're the one you ain't dragging it through the mud with the yank off boys dude listen i just turned 41

i don't have time for this kind of shenanigan. Damn, dude. Yeah. Yanked him. Does food taste different? Yeah, it tastes older. Yeah. It tastes like it hurts.

Ooh. I can feel it. Every organ. You love the way you lie. I love the way it hurts. Sean's out here yanking himself off. Katie, time for your third pick. Okay, with my third pick.

And this is keeping in mind that I'm newly engaged and I love my fiance. Thank you so much. And he's all, the all I could ever want or need. Yes.

But I'm going to take Tom Hardy. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Damn, I mean, you got eyes. What are we doing? I mean, because the man's got range, too. Beef. I mean, he was eyes. What are we doing? I mean, because the man's got range, too. I mean, he was Bane.

He was that movie with... He was Bronson? With the guy from Tony Soprano, right before he died, The Drop. He was like that. The character he played in that, completely different from Bane, completely different from, I don't know. Inception? Mad Max?

Warrior? I mean, he's done all kinds of he can clean up good he can you know get get no he can square up i just he's uh he's soft he has soft features but he's like terrifying and that's my sweet spot so sexy he does like cage fighting now and he's like good at it. Thanks for telling me. I didn't know, but I didn't have anything to do for the rest of the night. So he does seem like that gentleman who would be like,

let's go outside. I'm going to, I'm going to show you why you were wrong by beating the shit out of you outside of this restaurant. I'm going to show you. I feel like in that movie, the drop and I may just, it's might be an amalgamation of different movies,

but I feel like he has a dog and somebody's mean to it. And then he like defends the dog. And that is, I mean, a man. But again, Dan Soder, love of my life. We love Dan Soder. I'm never going to know this guy, and we're all having a goof. We're the Tom Hardy of New Jersey, Dan Soder.

Yeah. Tom Hardy secretly entered a fighting contest and destroyed all his matches. Secretly. Like he didn't even want anybody to know. No. Best punch. He won best punch. They called it a fighting contest?

Yeah. Over there. In Milton Keynes. He entered a fighting contest. And doesn't he have beef with Cillian Murphy? Oh, why? Does he? From Peaky Blinders. I bet some on- does he from peaky blinders i've had some

on set from peaky blinders probably yeah which is just funny he could take killian murphy has a hive people really like him i like him a lot those eyes i did too but if you're telling me he's got a problem with my baby then i we go to then i drop him well what if the problem is that he likes tom hardy too much oh then i get it yeah then i got a problem too yeah right i don't want anyone solving it i don't he's a dope man i he's so shredded so so fucking calm he's bulky he's like bulky strong you know what i mean he's like bulky sturdy he's so broken and warrior you're just like oh my god i want to just he's been hurt but he doesn't hurt unless you deserve it no if he hurts you you deserved it you had it coming yeah yeah

so that's my pick great pick tom hardy an excellent pick we will move on to the next one now david boy time for your third pick god i, I love that voice. Yeah, it's good. My third pick, I am taking Hayden Church. Okay. Another bulky dude. Bulky guy. Just plays a good big meathead.

Come on, sideways. Y'all ever watch Wings back in the day yes a little bit he was lloyd on wings yes he was fantastic also a great famous name thomas hayden church famous name i love his voice as a voice actor we recognize our own he's got a cool voice yeah he does uh yeah man i just i always happy when that guy shows up. Always. Yeah. Spider-Man, what, Spider-Man 3 he was in? The one with Venom? He's so bulky in that Spider-Man movie. He's just a bulky.

He's in all kinds of weird shit. He's got like a big face. He's got, that guy's got a big head. He's got an over head. Movie star head. I wonder if you can Google what size his head is. I bet not. Like, dog, when he's the Sandmanman it's just like a block of a head he

might not even he might be the have the biggest head in hollywood i could see that because it's so wide yeah it's colossal why it looks it looks like it hurts you know it's like this heavy is the head heavy is the head heavy is the head that is on your shoulders that is thomas hayden church but yeah i don't know anything about him personally he's amazing in sideways yeah that movie i've only seen sideways once i should watch it again really you would like it a lot pretty good right yeah i i don't even i don't remember anything about it watch it on my show time oh that's sweet sometimes i go in there to see what you've been i'm gonna go through baby boy i'm gonna go through higher learning i'm gonna go through my movies and if none of those are on there and billions oh that's where i got it initially yeah damn no no no she's

saying because she's bethroved oh well right oh you mean because billions yeah you don't have to tell me what we're doing i am behind though properly behind i am too i am too i'm like a season once we started living together i was like well when am i gonna watch it i am too i am too i'm like a season once we started living together i was like well when am i gonna watch it i'm with you all the time i'm not gonna watch it with you my billions right here babe you know billions was on our we used to have the the cross that we would do oh yeah we do entourage ballers billion succession and billions yeah may the rock be with you i don't know if it was succession yeah it was entourage yeah i said so yeah session and billions it was i forget the order but may. Entourage Ballers. Yeah, I said so, yeah. Succession and Billions.

I forget the order, but... May the rock be with you. May the rock be with you. And also with you. It was Succession, Billions, Entourage, and Ballers. May the rock be with you. And also with you. Because we said Ballers last.

That's right. He lives on a ranch in Texas. Of course he does. Of course he does. Thomas Aiden Church. He's free range. Big head ranch. Born in California, but moved to Texas when his parents got divorced.

Started in entertainment doing voiceover work and radio. They recognize. David, you recognize that, right? Game recognize game. Real recognize real. We're vibing on the same frequencies. Real freaky wincy. Thomas Hayden Church.

Excellent pick. Time for my third. Thomas Hayden Church. And then my fourth picks. I'm going to take. I got picks i'm gonna take i gotta do it i gotta do it i'm so glad you're still here i gotta take my boy tom de long from blink not who i thought you're taking me when i looked it up it said thomas de long and i was like who the fuck wrote this it's just whatever google search thomas de long he is he the one who's all aliened out now?

Yeah, I think so. Dude, it's really bumming me out how much those tickets are. They're going, they're so expensive. How much? I'm going to go. A few hundred bucks. How much? I wanted to, man, like 300.

What? I bargained at twice the price. It's blank 182. I mean, they've got a lot of it just seems like broke people should be able not broke even it just seems like people you should be able to go for 50 bucks hopefully those people were able to buy the tickets when they dropped i hope i wasn't able to but i hope they did i'm not blaming them i'm just saying it sucks how much the tickets are rules first you're feeling this i'm feeling right now i'm feeling this yeah it's a cold and no

let me go in her room i'm feeling this i want to take off her clothes i'm feeling this things fell short this time smile face for the summer it's awesome it's good yeah it's good i love the renaissance too they're i'm so happy with them again and yeah they're just amazing and tom delong has got it fucking figured out man he was in blink 182 he was in some other bands boxcar racer or whatever and then got into angels and airwaves i know people really like and then just got into, man, got into searching for aliens, got into like conspiracy theories, hunting for Bigfoot,

but in a way that's like not hurting anybody. You know what I mean? He just got weird. Yeah. You can do that. And, uh, mind your own beeswax,

then more power to you. Don't commit me with your Bigfoot conspiracies, but I'm, I'm fine. I'll commit you in my Bigfoot. Don't tell me what to do. You just put your, you just put your headphones on like a wrestler in high school

with the hair out of his eyes. Wait till you see what has happened in Seattle with regards to Bigfoot conspiracies, dude. Wait till you see what happens tomorrow night in Portland. Bigfoot's at the show. I'll wait and see. Whatever happens, as long as I get to see you and put my arms around you and give you a hug,

I'm excited about it. I echo that sentiment. Wow. Jimmy E. World played at Tom DeLonge's wedding. Get out of town. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Come on.

That would be awesome. Jimmy E. World rules. That would be so much fun. Anyway, I fucking love Blakely 82. We've talked about him a lot on this podcast, but I had to get my boy, Tom DeLonge. And now what we're going to do is we're going to take a good old-fashioned short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of

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back to All Fantasy. Everything already in progress. I do have to do it to him. Again, I'm taking Tom DeLonge. One of the angels on my shoulder. Now I have to take the devil on my shoulder. And I'm taking Tom Selleck. Yeah. Damn. The devil, not just on my shoulder, but on my upper lip.

Now I'm not currently bemustachioed. The devil on my upper lip. The devil on my upper lip. Tom Selleck autobiography, the devil on my upper lip the devil on my autobiography the devil on my upper lip uh just a legendary mustache someone who i mean i i almost can't talk about it i almost can't talk he's the poster child him and burt reynolds probably but but they're as a man who sometimes has it so burt reynolds does have a good mustache but what burt burt reynolds is also getting there's a lot of charm in there there's a lot of like the burt reynoldsness of it all there's a lot of stuff that's serving the mustache uh that's helping prop up the mustache on tom selleck the mustache is driving the car it's in the passenger seat it's in the back it's the wheels it's the engine it's the car itself that man is the mustache blue bloods they cast a mustache all right

everything magnum pi they cast a mustache the guy hasn't played a lot of people who aren't cops he's just hairy as shit man he's just a dope hairy dude his chest is a lot of guys who don't he's never played a guy who doesn't bang he fought and arrests that's what he does all he did in friends he was just banging whenever he was in friends it was like a banging episode he's buff he's hairy he's he like i do feel like if at an early age someone had taken me under their wing and walked me down a path he would have been my best case scenario i diverted from that i think everybody feels that way yeah yeah he was in a movie that used to be on tv for a long time when i was the right age remember but it had a bunch of mechanical spiders in this movie. Do you remember what movie I'm talking about?

Little mechanical spiders that almost got him at the end. If anybody out there remembers, tweet it at me because I can't remember it. Anyway, he was in a dope movie that I used to like that I don't know anything about. And we go on. It's good. Wait, I just Googled Tom Selleck mechanical

and it said spiders? Yes. Spiders. Runawayaway 1984 film directed by Michael Crichton starring Gene Simmons Tom Selleck Cynthia Rhodes

and Kirstie Alley what is this fever dream do you think Gene Simmons and Tom Selleck ever rubbed their chest hair against each other too much power no idea what would happen if a gem was caught in between Tom Selleck and Gene Simmons? Do you think if you then wore that

gem around your neck, you would grow chest hair like that? That's how we got the Milky Way galaxy. All I want to see is those two bumping their pecs against each other. I bet you they did some weird shit. Maybe not that specific weird thing. Honestly, Ian, I love you. You couldn't handle it. Neither could I. What if I watched it through a double, like, unbreakable glass? You. What if I watched it through a double, like unbreakable glass?

You'd have to look at it through a bag. Like he wrote the Mormon Bible. You got to do like one of those boxes where you cut a hole in it. So you can look at an eclipse. I bet Tom Selleck could clean a pan with his chest hair. You know what I mean? Like, like if there's cake,

it takes that much. I think I could clean a pan with my hardest part would be getting it up against your chest. Like how do you get it? Like there's baked on like, Oh, Iaked on shit. I don't think it takes that much. I think I could clean a pan with my juicer. The hardest part would be getting it up against your chest. Like, how do you get it there? I'm talking about like there's baked on like, oh, like shit burnt on there. Like, something you would need steel wool for, he could use his chest there. That's fair. Yeah, I got your back, man.

David, time for your fourth pick. Okay, fourth, I am going with... Oh, Tom Cat. From Tom and Jerry. Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, Tom Cat. From Tom and Jerry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From what? Tom and Jerry.

Tom and Jerry. Oh, Tom... Yeah, I thought you were talking about Paul Abdul. Jerry O'Connell, the guy whose phone number you have? Yeah, I do have his phone number. It's, you know, friendly. You should bring it up. Yeah.

I didn't know that was his last... Of course, that's his last name, Tom Cat. Yeah, you know, it's just fun. My buddy Tori used to work with a Tom and a Jerry. He didn't think it was funny at all that he worked with Tom and Jerry. Not even a little bit. That's why he's never done stand-up on the Columbia Broadcast Station.

Bang. Because I think it's funny. And I have. And I also think it's funny. And I think it's funny that I haven't either. You could. It's there for you. Yeah, it's right there. This guy, did he ever catch Jerry? Did they ever give him one episode where he's just catching Jerry? In the movie

they talk to each other, if I recall it right. Like, they kind of team up. I want to see him catch him once. I want to see, like, a hypothetical. I mean, I'm sure he caught him a bunch of times, but then Jerry got away. I want to see him kill Jerry. I was going to say the only time, if he catches him the way you want him yeah the finale should have been though him catching him and eating him eating him and then looking at the camera being like what did you want from me

i know his name is tom cat but tom seems like more of a mouse name to me yeah because it's a type of cat isn't it what is yeah tom cat but the jerry mouse is named jerry so it can't be tom so yeah but a mouse shouldn't be maybe my my problem is a mouse shouldn't be named jerry i think that's it that doesn't seem like a mouse like jerry seinfeld yeah it could be terrible name for a mouse that you just never think about because you met them at the same time and it's tom and jerry and tom and jerry sound great together but jerry mouse jerry mouse jerry mouse sounds like a weird name for a mouse i

don't think his last name is mouse i think his last name is lowenstein jerry lowenstein okay well i think i know his family what if christopher nolan gets a hold of tom and jerry franchise somehow and does let tom kill jerry it'd be pretty buck pretty twisted like a live action it would be twisted well the joker definitely be in there. So his name is Thomas Jasper Cat Senior, which I assume means he has children. Yeah, he does. And Gerald Jinks Mouse. So his last name is Mouse.

So his name is Jerry Mouse. Come on. Gerald Jinks Mouse? Jerry Mouse? No. Is that a family name? Jinx? Jinx is a great cat name. This is very strange. don't know see this is the cat what year was tom and jerry invented does it say on that

page let me let me guess yeah yeah let's guess let's guess 46 i'm gonna say 35 i'm gonna say like yeah i'm gonna take it to the depression. I'm saying 28, 1940. Okay. Okay. We were, but price is right. I'm out. An original Hanna-Barbera.

So that happened. And then Pearl Harbor, like about a year later. So that's all I'm saying. I've never seen him in the same room together. No. Jerry mouse. Come on. Yeah.

Well, I don't think Pearl Harbor happened. So, but you know, that's interesting. Go to that. Is that a group? Is that a thought? Maybe now's not the time to be talking about stuff you didn't,

big things you didn't think happened. We're prodding it out. Let it cool down out there. That's true. Free my guy Kyrie, though. Get him out of there. Get him out of there. Wherever he's at, out.

Whatever he's in, get him out of there. Help him out. Get him out of Gitmo. Get him out of Gitmo. We went too far. We're sending prayers up. The views of Ian Carmel do no way express the views of David Borey and or the Viacom Network. A lot of people think David Borey and I sound alike.

And just to make that clear. Which is wild. And a lot of people think that Ian and I sound alike. This is me, David. Free my guy. A lot of people think that Ian and I sound alike. This is me, David. That was perfect, David. Katie, now it's time for your fourth pick. I'm taking the tank engine. He was on my list.

Choo-choo, bitch. He was on my list. He's just thoseoo, bitch. He was on my list. He's just... Those eyes. The way those eyes go rolling around. And... Choo-choo, bitch. Oh, in a way.

Yeah, they do like the... And he's just the little engine. And he could. And he did. And he did in a lot of different ways. I don't really remember much about it. I just feel like he's... You gotta take the Tank Engine. I feel... I don't really remember much about it i just feel like he's you gotta take the tank engine i feel i i don't want to say i okay i do feel like he's coming what are you gonna say

what are you gonna say he's coming fuck that guy why now you are just coming at it that's a crazy i'm not i don't like that guy what is he what's why what's he ever done what's he do takes he's at the front of the train gets all the credit i mean the front of the train he has friends the show is called thomas and friends yeah but what's he ever talking about like the boxcar the green one there was a green one who was like really angry and thomas would call he was like the Fat Albert of his group. Thomas. Oh, no.

He also creeps me out. The conductor was voiced by Ringo Starr and later George Carlin. That's what? Oh, that's fun. I didn't know that. And you hear you are saying you hate it. He's creepy. He's weird.

Yeah. Thomas the Tank Engine is a nightmare creation. Edward. Edward was the gentle a nightmare. There was Edward. Edward was the gentle blue one. There was Moody Green Henry. Oh, that's the one I remember as Henry. Yeah, me too. These were all other engines, though, right?

Trains. These were other trains. But were they other cars? They were other engines. What's the difference? Are you mad that they're not cars? I don't understand where you're coming from. Solidarity for the fucking oil tanker and shit.

Okay, there was Big Strong Gordon, there was Little Red James, and of course there was Thomas. Big Sean Gordon? Big Strong Sean Gordon. Big Strong Jordan, dude. That's what they used to call me. He gives me the creeps.

I'm sorry you happened to pick this, but I would have said this no matter who. I swear to God. You know what? I bet. I'm with you, Ian. I'm with you. That's a creepy looking face that tom what's he doing he's a pervert i think he looks like tom orello pervert he's a pervert whoa let's not be

the tank engine is a fucking pervert for sure whoa i i don't know also if you look into it what's happening i got more pics lined up getting tight i'm just saying he's a fucking perfect what are you looking at what's over there something bad it's legal whatever it is it's legal if you look into it there's there's a uh there's deep meaning to a lot of um thomas and the tank engine it's like anti-government i think nice just google it google bones google i don't know why would you ask that is that what you're mad about the lack of bones he's creepy is that train of bones i think if you got rid of his eyebrows he would be immediately less creepy.

What's in there? He looks like a face that the skin's been stripped off of. That's, I think, what it is. I'll tell you who's got a bone. Tom Jones. Yeah, he does. Big old side pipe. I don't know.

I think I'm not the only one out here. It's me, Mars. I know there's an army of us who think that Thomas Dankingen looks creepy, and we're going to get Kyrie out. David, not now no no no no no you know what i i don't know you know what I love you though so I think it's a great there it is

there it is fuck you I never made it personal about you I've been doing your podcast for 14 hours we're gonna turn hour 14

of our podcast I'll be able to say everything it has been a lot of hours this is me David and Randy Johnson's podcast okay and Marissa it's not and Randy Johnson's podcast. Okay?

And Marissa. It's not. Yeah, Randy Johnson had to step in. Randy, it's your pick. I died next week. Thomas the Tank Engine. Whoa. I died next week.

Shut down at the hands of that pervert, Thomas the Tank Engine. If I do, holy buckets, that'll be a bummer. No, let's not even talk about it. Please don't die. Please don't. Come on. Fourth pick. It'd be really rude of you if you die.

It'd be really rude. It'd be so rude. It would be really rude of you if you die. It would be really rude. It would be so rude. It would be like when you brought up that Native American thing. Yeah. That was Ian that brought up when he was calling it Yankoff. When it's Yankoff. He'd be making all of us look bad. Made all those jokes about people masturbating each other.

Poor friend. Jesus. Fourth pick. I'm going me. I'm going gut for me here. I'm. My name's Tom. I'm counting me.

Tom Jordan. I'm Tom Jordan. Tom Berringer, man. Major League and gut for me here. I'm. My name's Tom. I'm gutting me. Tom Jordan. Tom Jordan. Tom Barringer, man. Major League and Platoon. God fucking damn it. Are you serious? I love Major League. I had seven fucking Toms on here. No, I'm not mad at you.

I'm not mad at you. I had seven Toms. Yeah, Tom Barringer, man. He's ill. He's done other dope shit, but Platoon and Major League. He's ill. Is he okay? He's sick. Oh, he's sick., man. He's ill. He's done other dope shit, but Platoon and Major League. He's ill. Is he okay? He's sick. Oh, he's sick.

No, he's not ill. He's sick. Right. He's sick and a sniper. He's in sniper? He's in the substitute, which is funny, but not supposed to be funny. But Major League and Platoon. He's so wildly good in both those movies.

Do yourself a favor if you're hanging out at home. Pull your phone out and Google Tom Berenger, Soldier soldier of fortune and just feast your eyes on the pictures and then tom barringer america's funniest home videos yeah and feast your heart on the laughs yeah big laugh tom barringer dick just to see if there's a picture out there just to see if tom jones comes up if the information's out there why not why not you'd be surprised who dumped it out you're you're you're only you're in you're in amsterdam for the first time you're newly famous someone's got a camera hogs in the river yeah right welcome to celebrity hogs i'm your host david gory and you'd be surprised

god can we get a fucking show called celebrity hogs where we just sit the four of us and talk about celebrity dicks man that'd be funny i don't think i could do more than a season that was already half of this episode yeah one series fifth pick from the heart uh skateboarder tom penny one of the best skateboarders to ever step foot on a board. Best style ever. Tom Penny and the Heartbreakers. He's fantastic. He's a Brit.

He's amazing. Yeah, he's just absolutely the best style ever in skateboarding. Tom Penny? He's got a really low voice, bro. He sounds like this. And he's a real big stoner bro so if you say like tom what up but i might are you doing my name's tom i'm on the train about to go to macba would you like to go with me bro that's your best accent i think that's really good yeah

that's pretty good tom penny yeah that was tom penny so there you go from the heart tom penny love him to pieces best if you watch edney's high five if you're out there edney's high five tom penny one of the best video parts ever uh katie time for your final and universally beloved pick that everybody's gonna like including me first may i just say i didn't know randy johnson was so into skateboarding that's a very cool thing to have learned today having a big dick and skateboarding damn two hobbies if i've ever heard him see i'm really torn here because there's a Tom I want, but then there's a Tom I cannot believe is still available. Yeah, there's some Toms. It's tough for me to,

should I go with my heart that you've stomped on? Or should I go with something that I know you won't have shit to say about? Ooh, damn. With the tone. I can talk shit about anything. You can. I want to go with,

oh my God, I'm also so torn because the one who's still available, Dan said, this one's got to go first, right? He thinks it's a first pick. First? And it hasn't been picked yet. And so I'm like, you know, what's mine is his and all that. I feel like I'm supposed to start taking, you know, so I guess

I'm going to say Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah, he's a real good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know. Now somebody else named the stuff he's in. All I have to say is it's Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones sucks.

No, I'm just joking. I'm joking. No country for old men. The fugitive. He played football at Harvard. He's so nice. He was Al Gore's roommate. I mean, guys, you could just be saying fake shit, and I'd be like, that's crazy.

Men in black. He was. He was Al Gore's roommate. I mean, guys, you could just be saying fake shit, and I'd be like, that's crazy. Men in black. He was. He was Al Gore's roommate. He was the first man to French kiss in Texas. Damn. And the last man. He's in Ian's favorite movie, The House Bunny, I believe. He's in The House Bunny.

I don't think I've seen The House Bunny, but I have heard it's not bad. With Anna Faris? Is that the one? That's the one. He's a big Santa. He sits courtside at Spurs games. Oh, is he one of those Hollywood people that doesn't have to live in Hollywood anymore?

No way, dude. That guy lives in Terrell Hills, Texas, just outside of downtown. Oh, I thought you were going to say Terre Haute. Just outside of downtown Santa. I bet he's friends with Popovich. I bet they're like buds. Oh, him and Pop grill sticks.

Yeah. That'd be a cool dinner to go to. Pop eats meat, right? I think so. I could also see Pop not eating meat. No, I think he eats meat. I think he's like adjacent to that stuff. Like he's not judgmental of it,

but I don't think he is. But he thinks he, okay. He drinks wine. I think he's an ally, a vegan ally maybe. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Tommy Lee Jones. What a fucking great career.

What a guy. I never said anything bad about Tom Hardy. I praise that universally. You know what? Now you're just like trying to prove that you weren't mean. And I think we all noticed how mean you were. So I just feel like let's just drop it. Let's just move forward.

That hurts the most when you get that to where they're like hey you know what ian stop but what if you just stop i'm a nice guy people i'm from friends friends friends i've had people shake me to my core saying where i i've not not in this situation but like i've come out of pocket hard with some stuff and I'll try to apologize and I don't accept it, but let's just get past it. That is the worst. Ian, I was only kidding. You're the best. And I love you so much. I love you so much. You've had people not accept apologies, Sean? I mean, I've said some

rough stuff, but stuff that you think you're kidding, but you just say it to the wrong person and it's not a joke and this is 15 years ago. You look like you might be into older women. i totally get it again something that seems like an uh just completely innocuous didn't think anything was gonna come of it and he stopped what he was talking about and this was all we talked about for the rest of the night yeah yeah he'll die on a hill yeah dave boy time for your final pick

so many toms i have left on this board is the thing that i i have three and none of them are that good yeah they are so i'm going to take the voice of spongebob tom kenny i didn't know that all right you know tom kenny was a voice also former stand-up i don't know who tom kenny is yeah i met him once in san francisco at sketch fest he for sure doesn't remember me just a couple comedians turned voice actors trying to turn the game upside down yes sir uh good friends with bobcat goldflate when they were coming up oh hell yeah that's where he got his name they used to call themselves bobcat and tomcat

uh yeah wasn't he on Mr. Show? I think he might have been, yeah, because he had like a full like a whole bunch of other stuff before he was Spongebob. I imagine he's pretty well paid, huh? Oh, I think Kenny's got the bag. From the Bob? Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Good for Tom Kenny. Yeah. Maybe we all. Excellent final pick. And we can all just forget that seconds before you said none of the Toms you had left were all that great. Okay, Katie. I'm sorry.

You're going to pass on this Ian energy? Is that what you are? I don't know if we can call it Ian energy. I don't know if it's like an Ian. I don't know if we would like identify it as Ian energy.

We're calling it Ian energy. I feel like Ian energy is getting up early to smoke meat for everybody or you know I've seen that kind of

smile and face on the way on the way to the to the coffee shop how do you do in the morning uh

Ian Ian Carmel's final pick wow what a great guy everybody likes him we all agree uh I'm taking to your boy my boy prominent jew tommy pickles oh are they jewish oh yeah the pickle i had no idea i think so yeah oh from rugrats from

oh i thought he was the best of the he was the best of the rats. Yeah, dude. Tommy Pickles. The grandpa's Jewish. They gotta be if he is. I don't think Stu's dad is Jewish, is he? He fought in the war, though, right? I don't remember that. WWT, the big war? I don't know if I remember that show the way I think that I remember. I got a lot of stuff mixed up, too.

Yeah. Was Tommy Pickles a Jew? Careful about that. Oh, when you type was Tommy Pickles, it says a preemie. Oh, is that why his hair was so crazy? What? I don't know. Oh, my God.

It's a picture of him holding a shield that has the Star of David on it. Yeah. And he's got the... He's a crusader. We claim him. Yeah. Appears apathetic towards his Jewish heritage. That's alright. Many of us are. Yeah.

Wait, you're Jewish? 100% Bar Mitzvahed and everything. On his Wikipedia, it says he's of European Jewish heritage through his mother Didi. Match for millennial. That's Jewish. Yeah.

Yeah, baby. We got Tommy Pickles. I got an article here that says millennial Jews saw ourselves in Tommy Pickles. We did. Really? Yeah. I never knew. I didn't either.

This is like your goofy movie. It is. Yeah. The Rugrats are our goofy movie they are they did passover hanukkah episodes we fucking ride with ask any jew to identify themselves and then pull them over no uh most millennial jews will be thrown down with the rugrats also shout out to atlanta for blowing that open and making maybe the best episode of television i've ever seen what happened i haven't seen go watch the atlanta episode of the goofy movie episode of television I've ever seen. What happened? I haven't seen. Go watch the Atlanta episode of the Goofy Movie episode of Atlanta.

It's. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's text me afterwards is all. I will. I'll watch it tonight. Okay. But anyways, yeah.

That's our final pick. Marissa, do you have a Tommy? Yeah, I'm taking Tom from MySpace. Oh. Everybody's number one friend. What a crazy thing to have done to invent a social network and then make yourself everyone's best friend yeah good for him that's good tom from ispace sean jordan you picked first you took tom cruise tom brokaw tommy boy tom berenger and tom penny

skateboarder yeah katie you went second you took tom Tom Hanks, Tom Morello, Tom Hardy, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Tommy Lee Jones. David, you went third. You took Tom Jones, Tommy Chong, Thomas Hayden Church, Tom Cat, and Tom Kenny. Not to be confused with Tom Penny. And I went last. I took Tom Brady, Tom Teddy, Tom DeLong, Tom Selleck, and my boy

Tommy Pickles. We lost some Toms on the board. Tom York. That's who I love. I had Hitman Hearns. Of Maine. Tom Chaney. The shoes guy. True Grit.

Oh, yeah. The Tom shoes guy. Oh, yeah. Tommy Lasorda. Tommy Mottola. Oh, fuck. Lasorda. Lasorda, dude.

I had Tommy Lee on there. I like Tommy Lee. I didn't want to talk about him. Tom Arnold. Oh, it's Arnold. Tom Bombadil. Tom Colicchio, the chef. Yeah, Colicchio.

Tom Sachs, the shoe designer. Tom Glavin. Oh, Tom Glavin. Tom Glavin. Was he a football player? No, he was a baseball. Baseball. He's not on Apple TV Plus as football.

He was a baseball. But she could be if she wanted to be she absolutely she absolutely could not be a gold medal in the junior olympics for football sean come on dude tommy glavin famous rhythm doesn't come up how come you don't have a whole podcast about that about what you winning a gold medal in the junior olympics it's a junior olympics it's like it's not a thing i've seen the mighty ducks yeah those's the Junior Olympics. It's like, it's not a thing. Yeah, I've seen the Mighty Ducks. Yeah. It was the Goodwill Games,

I think. I don't know the difference. Well, listen. I don't either. We got to get Marissa to Anaheim for some reason. So, I'm going to go ahead

and wrap this up. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you so much for supporting us, for holding us.com shout out to everyone on the afe patreon thank you so much

for supporting us for holding us down shout out to everyone on the afe shaslackity the afe subreddit shout out to super producer marissa by the time you hear this having had been in anaheim and and we're about to be i think we can say this now yeah yeah in the beautiful portland beautiful rose city of Portland, Oregon. Come hang out with us. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel, also in Portland, Oregon. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats.

Shout out to all of Katie's picks, man. What a bunch of great picks. I liked them all. They were fantastic. And more important than all that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shacklakity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.