All Fantasy Everything - Top Gun Call Signs (w/ Zak Toscani & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

Yo! You know All Fantasy Everything is the perfect wingman to get your 6 if you need some good old entertainment. That's why this week we're drafting Personal Top Gun Call Signs! We're joined by none other than Count Zakula himself, Zak Toscani!    Episode Guest: Zak Toscani @zak_toscani IG: @zaktoscani   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting Top Gun call signs. Our guest today is one of our favorites. It's the comedian. It's the dear friend of the podcast.

It's the dear friend of the podcast hosts. It's a dear friend of the entire world, Zach Toscani. You can book him to tell jokes in your very own home. We'll hear more about his house tour later. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And joining me as always is my friend and comedian, Sean Jordan. David Borey, of course, is playing backup center minutes for the Denver Nuggets and couldn't be reached for podcast at this time.

A way game in Bolivia hit the theme. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is neither near do well nor near do well. Mm-hmm. Near. Well, we're neither near nor near. We're somewhere in the middle. Mm-hmm. Neither. Neither. We're neither do well. Neither's in between near and near. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Some do well. Neither's well, we're neither nair nor near. We're somewhere in the middle. Neither.

Neither. We're neither do well. Neither's in between nair and near. Some do well. Neither do well. Yeah. We're, you know, we're do all right. I heard a very interesting question on the radio last night.

Not interested. Not interested, dude. Zach, how are you? It's happening. I'm doing great. I'm doing wonderful. That's fantastic. Yeah.

Would you rather have eyeballs where your nipples are or a mouth where your belly button is? Mouth. That was so quick. That's where I landed too. Yeah, I guess mouth. What are you going to do with eyeballs on your nipples is the main thing. But I just, it was, it struck me as very funny on the radio.

Are they both in lieu of the original? Oh, that's a good question. Or like a second set. Yeah. I think it's a second set and your mouth they operate as such so like your mouth you can still taste or whatever i i'm thinking if they're in lieu then i'm god then i'm still taking mouth probably belly button mouth i think yeah because like then to look around you'd have to like move your whole torso you know you have to look

you have to look around how like bodybuilders or ex-football players look around well you just have to move your entire body that direction it would be weird though if you were taught so that means you talk from your belly button which would be interesting oh awesome dude your head would just be eyes and a big nose i feel like if i talked from my belly button i would have an amazing singing voice just rich like just like a textured like a like a like a glass of scotch that diaphragm is like right there you can really belt it i feel like i'd be uh low low giamanni from billions i feel like if i talk from my belly button to be like giamanni on the floor always down here i'm so hungry hex is here down low gm honey that sound like cobra commander you

could probably digest food way quicker i feel like it yeah because it's closer a to b feels like you immediately poop it out like loading a tennis ball into one of those like a batting cage when's the last time any of you went to a batting cage a what the last time i went i was not happy with my performance i did poor we went for um didn't we go for sean didn't you have your bachelor party thing at greg's we went to i didn't do anything for. I took you out to a dinner. Yeah, we went to, I was getting, yeah, yeah. But I'm saying we didn't like, I didn't, me, you, David, and big torque daddy, I think,

went to Dinder. Oh, and not Dinder. Dinder. And Toretta. But yeah, we didn't go to a batting cage. We went to high dive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had some beverages.

Zach, you're not wrong. We did go to a batting cage together i was there yeah i i forget what that but i think it was maybe for your wedding because we were all there oh because well yeah look um what was it for because i hit up greg and laura and her brother went too or or maybe you guys went i remember that because uh david got hit in the eye like really bad and everyone was so worried that he'd have a black eye for all the wedding photos. Luckily, he didn't. With a ball? Like with a baseball?

He was feeding because, you know, the feeders are like one at a time. You have to put the ball in like manually. And I hit the ball and it hit something on the ground and it ricocheted, hit him in the head. And we were all like, oh my God, dude, tomorrow your eye could be completely closed up. But then he looked completely fine. Only David. Only. If that happened to anybody else, if that happened to Shane,

he probably would have had a heart attack at the wedding or something. He probably would have killed me. It's just crazy how it can go so different for different people. He would have looked like Rocky at Mick's wedding. Big sunglasses. crazy how it can go so different for different people like rocky at nick's wedding big sunglasses uh sean jordan is here sean is sonis jordan on twitter sean cougar mel jordan on instagram uh sean sean uh chandre dawson at the batting cages. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't. I wasn't happy

with myself last time. You had a but the last time I hit a baseball was at your wedding. Because you had like a little field day activities. That's right. I went, man, I didn't get to do any of that. I was just walking around. Whatever. It was, I was very, I'm thrilled about it. All I did was get married.

I didn't get to do anything fun. You didn't get to hit anything fun. Didn't you get to hit any baseball? You had some ice cream though. 50 licks, right? I never, I didn't even try it. Shout out 50 licks. You didn't even get any ice cream? No, I didn't get one.

Dog. That mango sticky rice ice cream they have. Oh my God. Bury me in it. Well, I got like four. I was more into the beverages. But yeah, our vices. Two trucks, two vices.

You should add 50 licks and 50 sips. Yeah, dude. I got 50 licks at the ice cream truck, and then I got 50 licks in on the old baseball diamond, too, taking cuts. Not me. I will be in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, at the Orpheum Theater with a one Kyle Kinane and a one Matt Bronger on February 21st, and then Duluth on the 22nd. More at the Orpheum Theater with a one Kyle Kinane

and a one Matt Bronger on February 21st and then Duluth on the 22nd Fargo Fuck you dude Orpheum Theater Fuck you dude I'll be in Fargo February 23rd More like Fartco dude

Fort Collins, Colorado More like Dork Collins Damn, Fart Collins Fart Collins dude fort collins colorado we got dork collins damn fart collins fart collins fart collins on butthole weekend fart ballin easter butthole weekend i'll be there and you know that's it any other dates any other dates no come on what else do you have to nothing do you have that show in Portland? We have High Note Comedy February 23rd. High Note. Oh, yeah. You got it.

I'm doing... I started a new show called Pickwick. I hope that goes great. Wait. The cartoon show? Really? No. I expected Ian to say Dicklick is what I expected. I did not start a show called pickwick i thought he was going to follow suit but he caught he was cut wise and didn't do

it so made me look like a fool by saying i started a show that i did not oh that's funny because that's a that's a animated series that my sister animated on so i thought maybe you were starting to watch it anyway shout out to pickwick Whoa. We never hear about the Marissa Extended Universe. I know. Yeah. Yeah. She used to work on that show. I think now she's working on like a Disney plus like very young animated show.

Tell them to draw us as characters. Okay. Oh my God. Sure. Okay. It's so rad. Finally. We deserve to be represented in cartoons.

I'd love to be a cartoon. Well, we have, there's a flyer where we're cartoons uh i apologize for spacing the name but whoever did the uh animation for 10 000 laughs last year they made it like characters of all of us oh yeah that's true not necessarily cartoon characters though i'd like to be a cartoon yeah was you guys had cartoons on like your funny over everything posts posters right maybe we did i think we did i think somebody made like fake cartoon faces of us oh there they are yeah oh yeah yeah that's uh that's the first one timmy williams gabe dinger i remember yeah i remember seeing that at on storefronts and being like, how do I? It was before I did comedy. So I was like, how do I even get in?

Shit, these guys are cartoons? I don't even know how to talk to a cartoon. I don't know. Zach Toscani is here. That's right. Zach underscore Toscani on Twitter. At Zach Toscani on Instagram. They're different.

They're different. They're fucking different. And respect them. At your house, if you play your cards right doing stand-up comedy how how did it looks amazing talk about it a little bit how did it go how's it going how do people how do people avail themselves of it well i so i did it last year uh and that was the first time doing it like nationwide i had done pockets and oregon and washington and stuff like that but taking it nationwide and it was fucking awesome i mean it was for so many reasons uh like the shows

were great and because i didn't have to worry about like you just show up and then whoever's there that's who the show is for and they've all been really great experiences and it was the first time i ever lived alone oh yes traveling the country i was gonna bring that up last you said that i was like that's technically yeah yeah it was very strange to be like oh i have i either am in this hotel room or this giant airbnb house in Rochester, New York. Um, but yeah, they were, I mean, I had such a blast. I got getting to perform in like all these new States and new people. Like I love doing the South. That was like a really fun place to explore. I did an outdoor gun range show in Fort Worth, Texas. What was that like? Was it with people popping off while you were doing a set or did no i want i i

wanted them to i was nervous they like when they when um they were pointed out contacted me she was like hey it's an outdoor gun range show it's not a woke crowd i go yeah i figured i figured as much it's for it's fort worth's most leftist gun. It's mostly anti-fascist training. Just a lot of pictures of Ted Cruz around. But yeah, it was like, each time, it was just such a pleasant surprise. And getting to meet people in their homes, and everyone's going, I was talking to Kinane about this.

I had to, like, dietarily, I had to take it easy. Because each house show everyone was bringing it like this is my famous mac and cheese this is my famous buffalo dip and then show after show you're like i can't eat like this right anymore you have to really like a carnival worker yeah yeah funnel cakes for dinner yeah so but yeah i mean it went so great. And I've also working with some folks about doing like a road doc kind of a project about doing these house shows and stuff. That's a great idea. How many South Dakota shows did you do? I did zero South Dakota shows.

South Dakota, show up for my boy, please. I got it on the list. So yeah, I mean. Are you allowed to? Is it technically a house show? Is it technically a house show? Is it technically a house show if you're performing in a muddy field with a lean-to in it? Is that something other than? Let's just.

Let's think about what we're saying. Let's think about the years of friendship. Does he have to use one of those like megaphones that old cheerleaders used to use? Like the giant ones? The cheerleaders in Greece? It says pride on it. Do they only have electricity in the governor's mansion god that fucking oh she's such a bummer anyway south dakota show up for my boy yeah yeah yeah so yeah i mean so i'm starting again uh this uh starting in mid-april all the way through december

if any state in the continental United States, if you're interested, email me, DM me. I'm also hitting a lot of Canada. I'm trying to get a Toronto show so Mars can come see me. If you live in Toronto... Please book Zach so I can come. I want to go to a house show so bad.

Now, Zach, how many loonies would it take for you to do a show in the one Toronto? Oh. I mean, with the exchange rate, it's probably going to be like 10,000 loonies. 10,000 maniacs and 10,000 loonies. We can get that down if you want it. But like, also that's 5,000 toonies. If that helps it become more manageable. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And I need it in small nondescript bills. That's right, in a attache case. Yeah. And I need it in small nondescript bills. That's right. In a attache case. Exactly. Yeah. I don't know what the Canadian term for attache case is, but whatever that, Marissa, what is it? I'm pretty sure attache is French, so it probably is.

All right. Fantastic. Attache would be a good pick for our draft that we're doing today. Also, my question is, what is a Top Gun call sign? Oh, Marissa. Really? Maver really uh maverick maverick okay i haven't seen i only watched the original is it is it uh only in the sequel their name oh it's just their name ice man maverick it's there so you got you have your normal name ian george carmel just for an example just throwing that out there if i just had to think of a name off the top of my head

and then you have your call sign that you fly under so like in dipshit face yours would be dipshit face i'm gonna be in portland next week all right whatever dipshit face i thought you said you said i'm gonna beat you in portland that'd be so much scarier if somebody was like i'm gonna beat you i'm gonna grab you by the ears and just fucking headbutt you until one of us passes out like a tarantino death scene somehow i'm gonna drown you in a very shallow pool yeah it's like it's like their nickname their their their pilot nickname yeah and uh it rules i don't know why they have it but probably so like i mean i imagine it so they're not flying it. They're like, Brian, where are you? Yeah.

Right. Well, the general, I don't know if I told you this. The general told me that they're given to the pilot. The pilot doesn't pick them. They're given. Yeah. You can't pick it yourself, right? Who gives it?

Other pilots. Wow. So it's like, well, so like, you know, in Maverick, they say, hangman. And they're like, you want to know why he's called hangman? Because they'll always leave you out to dry. So I think that was their little way of saying, like, we gave him that name because we hate him. You know? Yeah.

So we're lucky enough to get to give these to ourselves, but normally. What was Laura's dad's call sign? I don't know. Ooh. You never asked? Come on. That'd be my first question. Does Laura know?

Is Laura there? No. Uh-huh. Does Maxine know? Max at daycare. Maxine knows, but she be my first question. Does Laura know? Is Laura there? No. Does Maxine know? Max at daycare. Maxine knows, but she's at daycare. She knows everything, man. She makes Maxine call her by his call sign. She's our safe.

Echo Bravo, I need milk. So how do people get a hold of you for that? Instagram, Twitter? Oh, yeah, yeah. So you can DM me on Twitter. You can DM me on Instagram or ZAK425 at Gmail. There he is. Yeah, so just hit me up and we'll make it happen.

What's the 425? 425, my birthday, April 25th. Is the loonie a dollar? Yes. We should clarify to the Canadians, it's not actually $10,000, right should clarify to the canadians it's not actually ten thousand dollars right no no no it's not it's much more expensive than that yeah yeah it's hundreds of thousands no yeah i try to i try to make it affordable for everyone i don't want to price anyone out but you know with price of traveling and everything i gotta make it work

for me but yeah it's been it's not actually it's been fucking it's dude it's been fucking awesome i mean creatively it's doing like in 90 minutes to two hours every night it's it's that it's fucking awesome insane you must be so good at stand-up right now i can't even imagine it i'm feeling really good it's also nice to be like um you know i try to start all those shows with doing room stuff, like talking about their house or whatever. About the movie Room. Yeah, exactly. Let's just play it. Brie Larson, come on, guys.

Any Brie heads out there? That needs up the first 90 minutes of the set, and that's about a half hour of riffing, and you're out. Everyone's kind of bummed out, but you know. Just Zach being like, she deserved the Oscar, and I'm happy that she got it she deserved it guys if we don't have time to watch the whole movie i'll just put on most intense scene yeah it's a super cut i put on youtube it keeps getting put down yeah yeah

um but yeah no it's been it's been really really awesome doing these and like getting to do them in hawaii i got to do three in Hawaii. That was fucking insane. And yeah, it just feels like a dream come true. And hopefully, I'm thinking maybe 2024, I do a little Europe. I go to Europe and do some house shows. Europe?

Yeah. You're going to do flat shows. Yep. Exactly. And flats. Take the lorry to the flat show. Pip pip. Use the loo before you go up. I'm going to get all kinds of new slang and lingo. Yeah, br. And flats. Take the lorry to the flat show. Pip pip. Use the loo before you go up.

I'm going to get all kinds of new slang and lingo. Yeah, rubs. Maybe I just get lost out there. I never come back, you know. That'd be sick. Get some trainers, go to university while you're out there. We have to come visit you in Copenhagen or something like that. I'm legally not allowed to leave now.

You live in Podgorica Montenegro? Just something weird like that? I would love that. Belarus come on yes um also i'm texting my sister she wants to know if there's any like classic outfits you guys want to be in for your characters what yeah or and if you want to be like holding any object i was gonna give sean a skateboard whoa you Give Sean rollerblades. Don't. Put Sean in rollerblades. Let me. Come on. No. Yeah.

Don't. This sounds dank. Blade it up. I don't know what I would want to wear. I don't know. What do I wear? Hoodies? Jeans and a t-shirt?

That sounds whack as shit. A yellow hoodie? No. I wouldn't mind holding a delicious Reuben sandwich. Okay. Got it. Oh. Yeah.

I think for me, it would have to be like a tennis rack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's got to be, I mean, skateboard or nunchucks, I guess, but skateboard probably. Ooh, I'm thinking like I'm in like a tuxedo and I'm holding a tennis rack. Ooh, tennis anyone? Yeah, yeah. Got it, okay. Dinner and a game.

I want to be dressed like Eric Costin in 1996. But imagine Eric Costin wearing rollerblades. No. Let's make it happen. No. It wheels a thunder, dude. Come on. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel

on Jewish Sean Wears Rollerblades app, where you can log in and see real pictures of Sean wearing rollerblades. I think I'm going to try to learn a trick. I was thinking about that the other day. Like, I could get a pair somewhere. I could find some dork stores. Go skating with Kyle and Rachel. Yeah.

I went the other day. We do all that. It's so fun. I'm so stoked that they're into just going to the skating rink. It's rad. Yeah. I'd like to learn a Royale or a Soyal.

I think I could pull one of those off. What's the Thousand oaks hidden oaks what is that place called the amusement park oh oaks park oaks yeah oaks bottom oaks bottom well that's what it is right oaks bottom amusement park it's that's the whole area like a real like a real dude who didn't grow up in oregon right now it is an oaks bottom but i don't know anyone like maybe if you live in oaks bottom you call it oaks bottom i don't maybe like a pioneer like the the most recent other person who also called it oaks bottom died in 1872 oaks bottom oregon i've been there numerous times oaks park dude oh oaks park portland's got so many of those where you're like oh where do you live and people are like oh sullivan's

gulch and you're like no i sure you doooch to my mom the other day and that sounds crazy when I say it like that. There's a street in Portland that's spelled couch. She was probably familiar with it. She's got four kids. But I spelled it, I was like, it's actually Cooch. It's one of those dumb things where people make fun of you if you visit. I always hated that.

When a comic would show up and they'd be like, yeah, I was down on couch or whatever. You're like, why are you talking about it first of all? And then the crowd would be like, they just make fun of them. You're like, why are you talking about it first of all? And then the crowd would be like, hey, just make fun of them. You're like, it's spelled couch. What are you doing? I didn't believe it until the Max or the bus line said it,

where it was like 15th and Cooch. And I was like, oh, okay. My mom didn't believe me that we couldn't pump our own gas. What a weird thing to make up. So I had to go get gas and just show her. I was like, I can't. They're going to come pump it. you'll get yelled at yeah she's like oh my god this is crazy it's also supposed to be glisten by the way instead of gleason but that one just like got overtaken are you serious yeah oh listen glisten crazy does the real does glisten the word have a t in it yes okay tight yeah fucking crushing it dude did i tell you there was when i was well

we do this one time uh when i was emceeing at nitwits with a z one of the features stand-up comedy i was stand-up comedy this time i wasn't a rapper till way later i do have a song on spotify it's called nike nadita's shout out to super producer ice uh no he's not sorry marissaike nadita's shout out to super producer ice uh no he's not sorry marissa you're super producer shout out to producer super dank he's a super producer too he's very very talented i needed you to give me permission this dude at the comedy club is sweating too much so much when he went up so i gave him i was gave him a talking to and i was like all right man glisten up you sweat like five minutes over each time and he didn't get it i was like i go rude you gotta come watch me do this to this guy

and i told him i go the club's getting real slick and tired of you going over every time and he just he looked at me like i was serious i was like man i'm kidding i just you're sweating a bunch so this is funny to me and he just didn't get any of it i was like the mc doesn't have any authority i can't tell you what to do i just wanted to say a little he was a headliner and he was just fucking buckets he was a feature and he was and he kept wearing gray and shit i'm like oh no you know you sweat man just wear black poor guy yeah i know i felt he didn't get it and he didn't think it was funny and then i was like oh i'm what sorry i thought he didn't think you being a bully was funny? You monster. Hashtag cancel Sean Jordan. Let's get that going.

Please. Finally. I'll just be quiet. You come see me do stand-up comedy in Denver? Colorado. That's where that is on Thursday, June 22nd. Friday, June 23rd. And Saturday, June 24th, I will be the comedy works in denver doing stand-up

having a great time visiting my little sister eliza carmel yeah and then fucking bouncing is that the downtown club it's the downtown that's the one to do comedy works downtown yeah yeah that's the one i can't wait i'm very excited please come so fun please come everybody buy tickets a one adam newroth might show up that'd be great you should come i i i may i've kicked around the idea there we go and uh signs point to yes hell yeah uh come see me do that i have no other dates in the works watch the late late show with james gordon it's coming to an end you only have a few more opportunities and uh listen to all fantasy everything now we are gathered here today not only to talk about canceling sean jordan although come on let's get that hashtag going

cancel sean jordan sean jordan is over party uh but also csj let's be quiet but also the fantasy draft top gun call signs we've about it a little bit already. Yeah. Patreon idea. Amazing. It's a Patreon idea? Yeah, I was on the list. Remember because I was when I was saying I gave you the list or whatever like the viable options. That's right. That call sign one's got Zach written all over it.

Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was like we can't do that now. We have to wait until we're blessed with Zach Descani. David Boy once again, on assignment in Bolivia. He had to go. He had to go. They came and got him.

They came and got him. It usually doesn't work like that. They sent a Chinook helicopter. That's the one with two blades. You understand? It's also the name of a salmon which frequents the Pacific Northwest. There it is.

Chinook. Sort of a homonym? Is that what means two things? What can mean two things? Yeah, but I don't know if that's what that is because i think the helicopter is named after either the fish or the tribe right yeah yeah yeah i think they're all the namesake of the chinook tribe i'm not helping with that cancel thing by saying dumb shit like that huh you're out it's over for you pull your head out of your butt, dude. You're gonna be on Rogan soon, bro.

Is that some prison? I don't know. I don't even know where I'm going. See, now you're isolating your one fucking, your one life branch. We're drafting it, for God's sake. Our own Top Gun call signs. I'm kind of out of it this morning. No, I think you're kind of in. Your hair's all

slicked back. You look good, man. I don't know. of it this morning. No, I think you're kind of in. Your hair's all slicked back. You look good, man. I don't know. Mentally, dude. There's a fog. I think I had too much popcorn last night. That'll happen. You get the popcorn fog flavor. Popcorn fog.

Straight up. Dana got me. This seems maybe extravagant, but I love popcorn. It's a mostly healthy treat. If you're going to have a treat, popcorn is not bad. It is a pot that you put on the stovetop specifically for popping popcorn. So you put the raw kernels in there. You put a little bit of like canola oil.

And then it's got like a cranky turn that spins these two arms in the pot so it keeps the kernels moving. So like it pops every kernel. You don't get any unpopped kernel. It's fucking... I mean, like, listen, it takes up a lot of room for something you only use to pop popcorn, but I fucking love it.

It's fantastic. Turns it into an event, though. That's fun. It's fun, yeah. I feel like I'm gonna do it at a carnival. She's got a popcorn popper, just the way you put the kernels in, and it pops them,

and they funnel out into a bowl or whatever. It a bit more interesting than cracking open a bag you know it's also it's a little healthier too you can control what goes on there you know if you're watching your salt like one of you and carmel do you do anything you probably don't like put uh you put a little parmesan cheese on the popcorn that'll get you going yeah do you church it up i don't church it up no i leave it i i let the corn do the talking. Bob's Red Mill. Hey, that's, Laura lives and dies by it. That's another social bit. Every time we have popcorn, social bit, I'll be like, I'll check this out.

And then I'll just throw the first piece up and, you know, catch it in my mouth. Like I've never done that before. Every single time. It's fun. Every time? Yeah, every single time. Batting a thousand? I'm pretty, I'm probably like 98.

I'm pretty good at it are you better at catching popcorn in your mouth or driving you would have shit your pants if you seen me parallel park the other day i'm such a good driver i'm such a i hate reading and i'm one of the best drivers you'll ever meet in your life and i'm the best dr mario player you know anybody listening that's true i know the dr mario thing is true you did drive us yesterday and there wasn't anything that i remember you doing badly no i guess i'm hey i'm out here pretty i want to take a skills test if there's a way if anybody knows of an avenue for like a driving skit i don't even know what that would mean like a like kind of like a's test. But if you can just go take it for fun, I would love to do that. I would love to do that.

Where they just give you skimpy little parallel parks. Like tight turn. I don't even know what it would entail. But anything. I think it'd be so fun. We might have to set this up. Would you do? I'd do it.

It'd be so fun. I really want to know. Because I do think I'm an amazing driver. And I think I could prove it. I'd love to prove it. I'd love love the chance I would take my chances against you I like my eyes A challenger He's on the road

I drove around the country Didn't you get smoked at the freeway off ramp in Glendale I never did And I had a bigger car When we all lived in Glendale BMW just siteswiped me. He got smoked. Yeah, well, yeah.

Nobody saw that. So I'm just going, I'm just trying to have to trust my friend over here. You can't. I mean, anything that happens in Glendale cannot be admitted into the... Yeah, yeah. This is the same guy that says he's a better driver than I am. It's international waters as far as cars are concerned in Glendale. They're like, we don't know what happened there. don't know yeah this is like the this is the fortress

right here the fortress is the fortress it is we're back solid news draft this is gnarly yeah this could have happened in the living room three years ago if i could maintain the internet i could drive over to the house while we were recording god that's funny just do it from the front you ever go you probably never are over there huh you never just like find yourself in that area no i never do why would you dana calls him where are you and he's just sitting outside of it he's like nowhere i'm on the steps i'm at home not ours but i'm at home i'm at my real house there's a zankow over there i mean that could be a reason to go but like true big time there's also there is a it's not it's not i can't say it's better because zankow is like its own kind of

thing but there's like a mediterranean place near my house like a lebanese called dune that is so fucking good oh yeah dune is really really good when i came and visited that one time it was great been too long gotta get down i'm so jealous of you because at water village it has not not many places in la have like oh you can just straight shot walk down the street and there's going to be like 20 different restaurants it's amazing that's why i moved here it's because you can walk and you're like oh there's an amazing bakery here's the like there's that taco place that there's that cuban place which is good yes it's that fucking there's dune there's an amazing bakery here's the like there's that taco place that there's that cuban place which is good yes it's that fucking there's dude there's like a michelin-starred sushi

restaurant on the street now it's crazy well in that whole strip too there's like a couple bars it's just so different than tg yeah they do miles away you know what i mean like two miles away was the old spot and you're like the grocery store you might get hit different you know what i mean you like it's and that was a block away so it's just the walkability is so clutch you might get hit different you know what i mean you like it's and that was a block away so it's just the walkability is so clutch you might get hit by a car by the dude who was in that car i told you i saw some dude get thrown to the ground one time out there it was crazy these dudes just hopped out of the car because he threw all he did was throw his hands up because they pulled into the crosswalk and that's all it took they hopped up and threw him

to the ground and stood over him like lorded over him and i was like oh my god yeah that's that's crazy dude i mean it was funny every four-way stop is like russian roulette you're like i don't know who's going at what speed i'm just gonna wait here until it's empty and if yeah yeah hours that's ours, that's fine. Go around. I got passed on a residential street today. It's crazy when people do that. Someone just went past. I just wasn't going quite fast enough for them on a very residential street. It's just...

And I get angry when I drive a little bit. And I wouldn't even ever do that. That's the one... That's why I'm not actually the best. That's why I know i'm not the best is because i do get a little heated when i drive otherwise i would say i'm the best unpaid driver in the world but since i get a little heated i can't be the best i'm just in the top one percent when i'm unemotional i am the top one percent of the drivers in the world on a Xanax. Yeah. White, tall, unmedicated.

God-fearing. I've heard she's nice, but I'm still scared of her, you know? Yeah. Oh, nice. There we go. Uncanceled John Jordan. I'm in the top 1% of non-drivers not in therapy. Just sort of like taking reality as it comes.

Yeah, just dealing with it. Dealing with it. Gritting my teeth. I'm the top 1% drivers with TMJ. Just bearing it. Bearing it. Taking it. Christ-like.

I think I'm in the top 60% of drivers. Ian. Yeah. Maybe 70. top 60% of drivers. Ian. Yeah. Maybe 70. Get a hold of yourself. Yeah, maybe 70. You're not serious. Yeah.

Are you out of your mind? Almost everybody is terrible at driving. You're at least in the top 10%. I don't know, dude. Joking aside, I'm being dead dead serious i don't know about 10 everybody i bet you laura's out there wait is she home well i just it's are you gonna bring up how your wife is a bad driver no no i don't know what else that could have been i'm just picturing her out there listening to

me being like talking about how everyone is a bad driver and her thinking like well so are you you know what i mean though most people like i got passed today on a residential street it's most people are so bad at driving yeah there's so much common sense involved that it just and don't even get me started on who's on their phone that's not what we're doing we're not drafting who should go ahead and grab the wheel and steer us back on course right now. And because what we're drafting is a top 10 call sign. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Whatever. Did that volume out? Could you not hear me yell no? Whatever. Dipshit face or whatever. It went down a little bit at the end. I tried to do Paul Dano in the Batman. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Phil Shaney too. No, no, no. Ohane torres is the riddler oh god here's a little rattle for you i can't solve the riddles because they don't make sense just throwing everything bagel down like solve it i have to solve the riddle solve that riddle the riddle is why does this cost the same as regular bagels he's in europe having the time of his life right now i'm so happy he's doing great dude yeah yeah how come white collar crime you do the same time as blue collar climb and what if i'm not wearing a collar when i commit tax fraud. Shane Torres. ShaneTorres.com.

ShaneTorresIsAComedian.com. Yep, go buy us out. The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the two of you. And we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, two scissors.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, it's a scissors versus a paper. Sean Jordan wins. This is a flat rock. That's a flat rock, dude. Smashes a scissor. Sorry, dude. Just one of them skipping rocks.

Yeah. Still works against scissors, though. As the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. What's that? It's a great question.

That is, so it's like the basketball in a chest pass drill. So the basketball, not the people. You know how in a chest pass drill you shuffle down the court sideways and you throw the ball back and forth. So the basketball in this situation is thrown from right to left and then shuffled by one player for about two steps thrown back from right to left shuffled by another player for about two steps and just back and forth and i'm pretty happy with that analogy great that one actually works great that would be a travel there might be it might be a travel i don't think you shuffle in a chess pass drill yeah yeah i know

what you're saying yeah i'm just talking about the fundamentals i'm not talking in the game in the game you can't do that but in the in the fun when you're working on the fundamentals which are fundamentals the most important part of the game by the way the most important part these are this is the most important part of this game but you cannot do it in a game it will be a travel you will immediately turn over the ball but we need to work on it look man you gotta be able to fall before you walk

you know basically what it means is you pick third in the first round you pick first in the second round there now with that in mind Sean Jordan what will the order of today's all fantasy draft be this is interesting because i don't i don't i'm always scared to go first because it's like i feel like it's got to be a banger but also i like to give myself the confidence i'm gonna go first i'll go

first and then zach and then you hot corner Corner. Hot? Hot, Hot Corner. Gosh. I'm in the middle of the calzone. That's right. Ooh, the meat. The meat and the cheese. Have you guys ever been to Nona Amelia's in, like, I think it's in, like, Aloha, Hillsboro area? No.

It's this big, old Italian restaurant that I used to go to. It was, like, our family's special occasion restaurant. We would go there. And I used to like get a calzone every time. This big, beefy fucking calzone. And I could never take it down. And I'm wondering if it's still good. Because it used to be so fucking good. And the guy would wander around playing the accordion and singing.

If it's raining out, I'll go take one down after this you should go to nona emilia's no no family trip to nona emilia's okay it's still open it translates to grandma emilia's that's 100 right that's tiscani on the tiscani on the mic right there yeah yeah yeah that's official on their website the review says big portions of italian standards oh dim lighting that's what zach put on his uh stand-up album yeah yeah right on the back of the house show tour big portions of italian standards you'll get that material zach you should do a double album where the first half is stand-up comedy and the second is just you covering the hits of like Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.

Oh, I would love that. Like the American Songbook? Yeah. Zach Toscani explores the American Songbook. Why not? Zach Toscani, in your bedroom. Satin sheets. I don't know if I'm going serious or goofy.

Let me see your faces. You don't have to answer me. Did you guys go serious or goofy? Well, we're going to find out right after this short break. Oh, yeah. Wait. I was wondering, is this going to be pre-existing call signs or like we're all just making up call signs making them up got it i tried to look and make sure that none of these were well these weren't in any of the movies i don't know maybe somebody has these in fighter pilot

history but you're just searching google like did anyone have huge turd? Huge, big, gross turd. Smelly turd man. All right, now we're actually going to go on a break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done.

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and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do get 15 off with code all fantasy at schedule 35.co that's 15 off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all fantasy yeah we're back welcome back

to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed this is it if you've heard a podcast it was all fantasy everything if you thought you heard dana schwartz talking about a compelling tale from the history of nobility that was us that was a perfect dana schwartz impression throwing our voices we all do it just as well as the next by the way we all sound just like dana we're all perfect at it it's pretty shy i was crazy when you guys met because I was like, whoa, we do that already. Noble Blood, hosted by Dana Schwartz,

hosted by Sean Jordan, Ian Carmel, David Borey, and Zach gets in there too. Zach Disconny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's an interesting one. Hope you guys like it.

Sean Jordan, you have the first pick in the Top Gun call sign. Fantasy draft. Now, I want to see your faces. Did you two go silly or serious? All right. I can't believe you're not wearing your Top Gun helmet during this draft. That's stupid.

I can't believe that either. I have it right in the other room. I'm going to go get it in a second. All right. So, I guess I'm just going serious. What it probably would be for me honestly is my first pick i'm gonna pick dakota great

i think that's what would be given to me is dakota dakota got that k in there it yeah it it fits in in the in the like the the genre it's not i just really i think that's what it would be i don't talk about anything more than south dakota really i really think if it were given to me by other pilots uh it would be dakota and it's a good one it's i mean i was like looking at the list of already existing names and it fits in there it's not like an action you know some of them are actions this is more do they have the list of already existing names and it fits in there it's not like an action you know some of them are actions this is more do they have a list of like the pre-existing uh oh you mean from the movies top gun yeah i just wrote down like what i could remember from the talk

on call signs i was like yeah this would fit right in there i could see it i don't know how i would design my helmet though yeah go on with that come on they all have they all have designs on their helmet, and I don't... There's not really... Black Hills on there. Would it be somebody having a fancy dinner at Subway? A family reunion where no one's happy? I suppose maybe... Do we get to put...

Did they put colors on there? Yeah, they have colors on their helmet. Yeah, I think so. Probably just be the South Dakota flag colors colors there's just red and blue and then there's like a sun maybe like back here so yeah i'm sure i would love south dakota but i know we have a lot of listeners in south dakota i'm just joshing i have no idea i'm sure it's great of course by the way yeah yes it's yeah obviously nobody, yeah. Obviously, nobody takes your hand. These are all jokes.

God damn it. It's definitely a state you want to fly over. Yeah, for sure. So, like, you picked it. It's fun. Sometimes you go even, you land. I will not have it. I will not entertain those amazing jokes about my home state. Also, you didn't say South Dakota.

You just said Dakota. So, some people would be like, oh, North Dakota? Oh, North Dakota. Good back. My call sign cannot be South Dakota. That'd be crazy. It could be. S.Dakota?

No. Sean Dakota? Too long. Too long. Are you, like, it's, you would have to, like, land, if you flew home, you would have to land in Wyoming and drive up, right? I'll stop you right there.

Where's the, there's, there's, like, a crazy air force base in i can't remember it's ellis ellis air force bases in south dakota i think anyways where do you usually land where do you usually fly to and then drive is it minneapolis i land in sioux falls oh okay i land at joe fossfield in sioux Falls, South Dakota. One terminal, seven gates. Kevin Gates. I want to say like $3 Jameson's. You show me another airport where that's the case. $3 Jameson's?

Yes. Just drinking next to the pilot? Oh my God. It's nuts. I remember the first, I went there, I had a couple before, I don't know, a few years ago. I was like, what? What?

It's shocking to me. It's like dive bar, you're at an airport, there's dive bar prices at the airport and the food is still airport priced, which is also funny.

The Portland airport should have a dive bar in the airport. Yes, it should. You know, they have that little theater, they should have like an old Portland dive bar.

It's crazy that they don't. I feel like they, so for a minute, they were have like a old portland dive bar it's crazy that they don't i feel like they so for a minute they were going they were steering towards that fun stuff where it was like they had a fire in the mountain they had i never had a fire on the mountain in the airport i thought they did like a little maybe was it a cart or something i thought they did no no maybe a chicken wing cart that'd be insane they have a canyon zooks they have a burgerville yeah i don't think they have those anymore they do where in the airport i don't i don't think well anyway i will i i as they do it's on the it's on the right side yeah like when you're looking at the center you go right all right there's a stump town yeah i we're the piano player. Yeah. All right.

If you're flying Delta, you get to see the Burgerville. But if you're flying Alaska, you see the Stumptown. I don't have any allegiance. I fly them all. Whatever Expedia gives me. I'm still doing that. I'm bad. That's what I learned, dude, traveling around the country.

I'm like, oh, I got to pick the hotel that I want so I can start accruing points and stuff. Dude, I'm like pointed up on Delta big time. I got to pick like the hotel that I want so I can start accruing points and stuff. Dude, I'm like pointed up on Delta big time. I got it. It's so ridiculous that I don't do it. Nobody cares. Get a credit card. Dakota. There you go.

Dakota. Dakota. Zach, your first pick. Okay. I think I am going to go Widow Taker. Oh, Widow Taker? Yeah. Some people make the Widowsows but what do they do afterwards scumbag you're the widow taker holy buckets someone's gonna pick them off the floor that's a wild pick i had to unmute just to say that that's a wild cheese and rice you took marissa off mute where's the widow that hurts your field the other guy's

feelings even more i know then they start getting existential like what happens to my family if i get shot down i know you don't that was the last thought goose had when he broke his neck he was like oh my god maverick's gonna take meg ryan for me yeah but no god that's you gotta have that written on the outside of your plane so people know where they're like oh that's widow taker i can't i double can't get shot yeah that must be widow maker no oh my god it's someone else oh shit i got high t high t widow taker i'm just back there pretty far back dakota's got low t i'll just i'll hang back i'll let widow taker just kind of yeah i'll just keep circling around Dakota if you guys.

Dakota's the wingman's wingman. Best third wheel in the sky. Widowtaker, that's so, that's so fucked up. Yeah, it is. That's a mental game. It accomplishes everything that Widowmaker does. And then an extra level after that yeah yeah it's it's peeing on your grave you know yeah you you hey someone's gotta

take care of miranda she's got three kids yeah don't take her will i'm that's right up there with i'm from hell that's a she didn't get shot down thinking about like you and santa barbara with his wife. You're both wearing flowing linen. Oh my God, they're going to eat Sausalito cookies in Sausalito. In Sausalito. You're sharing a Paris breast and a beautiful bottle of wine somewhere. He's dead. You say a Paris breast?

Yeah, Paris breast. It's like a dessert pastry. Oh, okay. Miranda's French, I think, is what it is. A pear's breast is like a... No, I'm not going to say it. We're not going to have two cancellations on the show today. No, it's very...

I was going to say what I was going to say, but I'm not. It's a very fancy, upscale term for titty fucking but i'm not gonna say that i wouldn't you gotta use your tongue i won't say that boys i think the widow the widow taker's gotten into your head that's the widow taker talking that's what i would say if i were a more crass you know comedian but i'm not so i won't yeah i think the back of the helmet could just be different you know like maybe i hit up marissa's sister and she does some like pictures of widows that devious widows yeah but they look happy yeah yeah they are happy yeah you know what i mean they're like oh you know what

thank you i needed those four months now i'm ready to get back out there. Holy fuck. I don't think I'm going to date another military guy. Right. You know? I think I'm going to go more stable. Someone who's here a lot. Yeah. Somebody who, you know. It's like I shoot them down and then I help them work through their.

Like, I'm sorry I killed your husband. But what are you up to on Tuesday? People call you, like these women call you their friend. Yes. Oh, yeah. My friend. My friend, Zach zach i'm just seeing my friend i can't tell you his name yeah yeah i'm going to see the widow taker i'm going i'm

going to lake tahoe with my friend he definitely didn't kill my husband not at all he wouldn't widow taker fuck that's such a good pick psychotic that is psychotic all right i'm gonna have to reorder the way i pick now okay i got my first and second picks here these are all widow takers ahead of me what's your next one wayne wayne dakota i wanted to make one big long wholesome name wayne dakota is a cool ass name you know what you got oh god okay so i said oh god sounded like you said oh god i did oh god like you're at ihop and you went to the last page and you're like oh god oh god uh two tv shows that fucking rip that i have that three actually that is strong recommends poker face which is on Peacock, of all of God's streaming networks, fucking rules.

It's Rian Johnson, the Knives Out guy. Yeah. And it's like Columbo. It's this weekly. That's with Natasha Lyonne, right? With Natasha Lyonne, Crime of the Week. That fucking rules. And then The English on Amazon with Emily Blunt, which also fucking rules.

It's like a western. It's so good. And then the third one, which is on MGM Plus, which is crazy. You're deep. It's called SAS Rogue Heroes or Rogue Heroes SAS. It's maybe the best TV

show I've ever seen. Really? I think I saw a clip of this on like social media and it was like a soldier who had like, he tricked his way to getting into a base or something. Yeah. That's yeah. That's it. It's so fucking good.

Like Dominic Cooper, Alfie Allen. It's fucking amazing. It's, it's not smart. It's not prestigy at all. It's just like action and tales of daring do. And like the creation of the SASas which is like their special forces like in northern africa during world war ii

it's so good damn amen you don't need to sell food to a hungry person i'm i'm in i i'm right there my pick for my first call sign little poopy where's little poopy we need widow taker and little poopy out here my logo is just a little baby in a diaper looking like like who me like that and i catch you off guard you're ruthless if like if you're up there flying a mig you know and like you hear like warlock maverick and little poopy are flying towards you you're like what fucking little poopy they call that guy little poopy and he's still up there to get by in in in the fucking naval special forces oh like a boy named sue is what you're doing boy named sue situation pilot a pilot named little poopy the fuck did this guy have to do to get it this far when he's named

little poopy there's like stories about little poopy you're like he shoots someone down and then flies down level with them staring at them as they go and then like britch flies right back up you know like that kind of like i'm just out there getting it i mean it's a head game too it's like will taker it looks like I made a poopy right before you shoot him. Oop, did another little poopy. Sorry. Pew, pew. Missiles.

Now your plane's pooping out fuel and you're about to crash. Uh-oh. Oopsie daisy. Just a little sassy little guy. Up in the sky. Oh. Shooting people down. I like it because, yeah, you wouldn't, like like you have a sense of like if you heard oh

my god little poopies on your six you're like i mean what the little poopy do and then you're like wait a minute oh no because military guys yeah if they had like if they have a nice nickname you're like there's got to be something insidious behind that you know if you're yeah if you're like you know what i mean you don't do expect from like maverick right you know but like fucking a little poopy i picture a little poopy just coming up behind you but like you know like in a fedex jet that's modified to be a fighter plane just way bigger than yours he's not shooting f-14s in a biplane dude he's like red baron style you uh just sub question go i guess question do you know how many kills it takes to make you an ace i think it's in top gun four or is it is it in maverick

i think it's in i think it's in maverick is it a maverick or six or something like that what is it it's a lot i think it's yeah it's one of those it's just a lot smaller number than i thought yeah for some reason i thought it was like 50 or something i mean you think about how many how many planes are shooting down other planes anymore it's got to be so rare these days right it seems like it but i mean i also don't look for the information good point nobody's ever accused me of being the most educated in most matters and that's definitely one i just don't like i don't want the bad news a lot of times i want the necessary news sure so i don't go digging around for those kind of statistics but it doesn't to

the lay person it doesn't seem like it would be a lot i don't think it is i don't think there's a lot of like dog fights popping off right now uh little poopy's my first pick and i'm gonna go back to back little poopy big dracula whoa yeah big dracula big dracula oh think about that i'm thinking you got like a stealth plane like it's black yeah yeah i'm fine that's definitely like a fucking stealth bomber big dracula big dracula coming in and you gotta be dressed up like you're they look over and you're in the cockpit dressed as dracula i got the big collar i got a cloak for sure i'm the only i'm the only man in the naval air forces with a fucking cloak built into his unit and it's all it's they're okay with you have like a they're

like is that a war medal but it's like one of those big brooches that Dracula's wearing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With my own face on it. Big Dracula, dude. Coming in heavy. Think about that. A big Dracula?

Yeah. We always think of vampires as kind of gaunt, skinny, skulking around. Dracula's always very, he's very slight. Yeah. This is like 6'8". Yeah, that is. you know what i mean yeah like diesel draculas are always like heroin chic yeah no this is big fucking beefy like three hours in the gym probably on hgh dave bautista playing dracula dracula yeah you forget how

strong draculas are though yeah like no they're just even if they're even if they're frail you don't forget how strong big dracula is big dracula is gonna be like hella stronger yeah than a frail dracula what was that snl sketch where they were doing catchphrase comedy sketch and keaton thompson was like burger if a dracula's chasing you a fucking stork dude he's done away with that i was gonna say it turns into like a mastodon yeah it turns into an ostrich pterodactyl yeah i just think it'd be scary if you heard big dracula was out there flying around yeah you got like a murdered out windshield you're like you're just like a linebacker it's got that like visor on it so you can't see anything in the cockpit dracula's fly you know it also is

like you could tap in like you're following a guy and he doesn't hear you on the radio but you're like doing the telepathy like come come to me big dracula under six drop down to drop down to 10,000 feet who said that the ceiling You hit your ceiling. What? No idea. Who said that? Big Dracula, dude. You have a little blood on your chin the whole time? Oh, you got a little blood on your plane, a little blood drop on your plane. A little drop on the front of the plane.

Right on the outside. Oh, you got the fangs on the front of the plane. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Oh my God. Big fat Dracula painted on it you gotta you like you hire some kind of nasa guy to make a cowl that will go over the plane but it doesn't fly off it billows yes yeah i lose what i lose in in in like uh maneuverability i think i just gain and sort of overall chicness and uh the most regal playing in the game right yeah classy you're always like silhouetted over the moon when people

like that's him that's big dracula uh that's my second pick a little poopy big dracula zach time for you to second pick okay i think i'm gonna go second pick oh man there's a lot here um mommy mommy's here you hear so much about the daddy talk but no one's talking about mommy and you know yeah where's mommy and all this yeah and i feel like maybe that's talking about mommy and you know yeah where's mommy and all this yeah and i feel like maybe that's a plane where i you know i can shoot people down but i also have that like long stick in the front where i can refuel people you know because that's what moms

are known for you know yeah i don't think i'm gonna make it they just yes exactly yeah pulling you up you know and i just think mommy's here mommy's here is you know it doesn't level up just mommy also mommy like it's it's another head game kind of thing because like mommy's on your six and then you're like well i'm okay yeah yeah she's got my back oh good oh my god that's great my mom's back there that's you think about it whenever i'm like on the most distraught in life yeah that's the only person that can help that's it it's the only one and they're screaming my name when they when they finally crash mommy mommy's got a missile lock on you that's fine she wouldn't yeah that's all right she's not gonna do anything bad with that no no she's cool she's probably just

making sure i'm okay that's actually great for me she's she's missile locking on me so no one else can missile lock on me that's right yeah what would your what would your logo be like oh god oh that's a great question maybe like a ceramic dragon or something oh i like that like a little like keepsake yeah yeah it's like arts and craftsy a keepsake yeah yeah like your whole plane is color me mine style my mommy's plane would have like little sand castles and unicorns little sailboats all over it there's like little little beach shells around like all my toggles like a like a like a young parents fridge when they've like given up on like trying to monitor where the stickers go right it's like a bunch of peeled off stickers

there's definitely a tv in the plane that can access netflix but she chooses not to and just watches regular tv and complains about the shows that she wants to see and i say they're on netflix but she chooses not to watch it's definitely one of those kelly moberly does it it shocks me she wants to watch these shows i'm like i set the roku up i know you can do it i've done it on the tv and she's like oh i just i don't want to oh dude i would rather defuse a bomb with no help than talk an old person through like installing something on their computer or their tv sue Carmel's got it on lock. She's on TikTok probably right now. Really?

God, that's crazy. Is she doing nurse TikToks? I don't think. She doesn't make them. She just watches them. She's into it. She's like, don't come in unless you know what's going on with you. She's doing a renegade and everything.

Yeah, yeah. Unless you know what's going on with you? He's doing a renegade and everything. Yeah, yeah. Unless you know what's going on with you. Mom is a fantastic name. Sean Jordan. Hot on the heels of your Dakota pick. It's time for your second and third picks. I didn't get goofy enough. I only had one goofy one down.

I'm going to do it later. I'm sticking true to me. Okay'm gonna keep doing me uh second call sign that i would go by is hot sauce oh that makes good sense for you that's a good one i like hot sauce it's a nice one it's uh it wouldn't be a goofy decoration i don't want to have like tapatio on my helmet or anything i don't want to have flames what about the chalula lady oh i could do that there you go just the chalula yeah yeah and you know i bought some big ass bottles of chalula at um what's what is it it's costco i bought some big ass bottles of chalula costco i think it's i think it's my favorite hot sauce

i do like a chalula i like a vinegar yeah i like a vinegar based yeah it was always deputio's getting to be a little much for me a little spicy really so chalula's a little bit and i've definitely steered away from sriracha i i yeah well it's got a lot of sugar in it sugar doesn't really see i need it i still don't pay attention to this it's all on the bottom like how much sugar on the back yeah i don't i don't i don't do it dextrin cotazonanine what do you think that is sean it's sugar open your fourth eye bro is that your butthole i can't i think it's where one of your nipples is mommy says go in the bathroom and open your third eye yeah dude do you have to open your third eye before we go we're not

stopping i slipped i was uh when i was a kid i was riding at 10 speed and i slipped off and fell on my bad dude and i cut it it was bleeding and i came in and i told my great grandma because i was probably five or six and i go hey i cut and i just kind of like use my hand and she goes you cut your tallywhacker i was like yeah and then she goes let me see it let you cut your tally whacker? I was like, yeah. And then she goes, let me see it. Let me see your tally whacker. Where'd you cut it? I can't remember. I think it was... I think I pinched it on something.

So it was like a pinch. Yeah, like a little... It was a bummer. I don't know yet, but I'm pretty sure this matters. My stepbrother, he used to work at a Kroger grocery store, and he was like a cart kid, and he saw two people having sex in their car.

And he went to go tell his manager, and he was like, I don't know, 13 or 14, and he was like, there's people in their car. And he couldn't say it, so he just made a circle with one hand and his finger in the other and he just went they're doing that. Connecting

USB drive? What? Can you call my mom? She's installing Roku. You seem like you really know. But he did very animated noises. Yeah, yeah. Third pick. This is the only this is like the weirdest one I got, but my third pick is going to be the Air Force.

The whole motherfucker. It'd be such a bummer for everybody else. The Air Force is on your six. You're like, how many? And then it's just me. And they're like, well, yeah well yeah i don't know i guess i don't know what to do but that's the air for they keep calling him the air force especially intimidating if you are indeed a top gun in the navy you know what i mean if you're like the air force is on your six o'clock like damn it the actual the ones that are supposed to do this i can't believe i'm just now putting it together, but why hasn't the Air Force done a deal with Nike where the Air Force Ones are part of the uniform?

Whoa. Right? Come on, that's coming. That would be cool. You want to get kids enlisting. I'm, dude, Nike boots, you know what I mean? It's got to be Nike who like like are like well i don't know because that would be also such a big government contract right yeah give them two pairs one to

rock one to stock so they can resell after they retire get their gi bill give me two pairs purse purse who says no on that is it the air force or the or nike if they come to the table i bet it's nike i just yeah i gotta circle back to it i gotta do it i go where you're getting them colors are you flying them oh i just had i had nice i like that yeah i'm glad you did that i'm sorry to do that you did that but i just did that the air force is like at the weekend aspect you know what i mean where you're like what's going on with this dude yeah Is it spelled any differently? No O?

I don't think so. No, the Air Force. I don't want to make it goofy. The Air Force? Yeah, the Air Force, dude. You can find out there on your sex. The Force. You have a smaller plane painted on your plane

yeah like one of those weird sidewalk art things where you think you're gonna fall down a hole that's what my plane looks like it looks like 18 different planes but they're real small looking so they look like they're way far behind you and then i get up and you're like shit that's 18 planes painted onto one plane and it's touching me you have your hand out of the window just touching their plane no mommy's over there you know how like air those those planes that top gun they have like in the original one they'd have like a two or three foot long needle looking thing coming out the nose for whatever reason i never know what that did but that's touching your plane maybe radar there might be radar on it oh maybe both sound like completely viable you're the only one with access to an air force general yeah i don't know why you're asking

us we should be asking you this shit i ask him i every time the only thing we talk about i'm like so explain to me again why turbulence won't crash a plane that's i just haven't explained it to me all the time it helps it does help does help a little bit each time. It's like speed bumps on a car. It's never going to make you wreck. Draydar. You know? Tells you where Dr. Dray is?

Yeah. I just, it's so hard to sell myself on that when I'm in the air. I don't know why. I really don't. Do you like watching movies with plane crashes in it? I did once. No, I hate it. Okay.

But I made myself watch Flight on a Plane one time. I told you that last night that flight made you cry because i thought i was gonna die i watched it on a plane because i was like that's insane trying to do that whole like that's insane get over it thing you know couldn't do any crazy rules in your head where you're like the plane would never crash if i watched flight that would be too much i kind of what i you know i've been on flights with i've been on flights with you airline i've heard flight by the way united united come on that's fine i've been on flights with you where i'm like there's no way this is is fine because it can't there's no way it's going down with like my buddies on it anyone anytime i like i know

people on the plane i could oh dude i wouldn't do that math in your head i'm definitely dying in a plane crash dude i was on a flight the other day well what a month ago whatever the the pilot's daughters were on the plane and i was like oh i was so stoked i was sitting so pretty because i was just like there's no fucking way he's you know this i was gonna take it for real yeah we landed i i seriously i was like man that'd be dope if there were someone's pilot's daughters on every single flight be the illest but how did you find out his daughters were or her daughters were on the flight i heard their daughters on the flight i heard him talking so i walked in and the one of the flight attendants was talking to the other one and she goes yeah uh whatever i don't know

what she's she didn't say like captain john or whatever she said, pointed to the cockpit and she goes, there's his daughters right there. And they were sitting up in first class and I'm like, total pilots, daughters, movies, first class. Like,

yeah. And then I saw him kind of bullshitting with them. Like a dad would talk to their daughters. This sounds scummy, but how do I make this not sound scummy? So in a different world, if I saw maybe a 50 year old talking to these two girls i'd be like i bet you he'd be a little more engaged a little more smiley or something if

they weren't his daughters you know what i mean he was talking to him like a dad not like a guy would talk to two young attractive women yeah he has comfort he has you know he knows them so yeah he just wasn't familiar an important distinction that you made yeah i was trying to make it he wasn't this pilot wasn't trying to fuck his daughters okay sure he kept sending drinks back to him it was cool he could he could have fucked a 20 year old but they were his kids he could have flown and done it i think he's that good cool guy the air force the air force dude zach time for your third pick oh third pick i think okay i'm gonna take flank steak oh yeah yeah you guys it just came into my head are killing me like oh this is so flank is like a military term so that seems and then flank steak i'm like oh it's

like kind of a tough piece of meat you know yeah it's cheap yeah you're you're under whatever it's called like you're after the colon flank steak a tough piece of meat after my third eye that's your biopic yeah yeah yeah but flank steak i don't know it's just that's a cool i had never even heard or thought of that as a nickname for anything i'm like oh that is a good one flank steak it's solid it's meaty you're on their flank but yeah what is a flank steak is that like butt steak i think so i'd call you butt steak if i was the bully in our airport class i'd be like whatever butt steak it's not from the butt oh you know bullies don't need a lot of logic behind their shit talking depends where you're looking at the cow where the flank is a flank is from the abdominal muscles of the cow it says

oh close enough to the butt nerd why do you know that now i'm bullying both of you in flight school and as long as i say it with a tiny little mouth and a big smile then what was your call you're gonna do a glenn powell glenn powell reference powell reference that guy's got a tiny mouth what's your what's your what's your first call sign you picked like big man what was it dakota dakota dakota trying to get flank steak shit yeah right come on dakota what are you golden retriever flying a plane dakota that's a dog wearing a bandana ass name shout out to shocker yeah his dog's name is dakota it'd be crazy if you're like no never didn't know that no just finding that out now don't like it i like to keep my i like to separate my dear friends and

their dogs and have just enemies close to your friends far away yeah that's what you that's what you say live that's my next call he's big in the underground dog market so like eventually he knows every close friend's dog he's going to steal and sell in the underground dog market. I can get you a dog for any reason. I know. Any reason. Okay. I usually don't like to talk about it on this podcast.

I like to separate my business and my pleasure. And this podcast is very much my business. But I can get you a dog for any reason. What if I need someone to handle my affairs while I'm doing a nickel at rikers i got that dog for you you got that kind of dog jack russell terrier he did two years at dartmouth dropped out because they found out he was a dog yeah he can fit through the bars so you'll be fine he's good he's good he's got friends at the prison throw throw me another situation i got you they call him down and they're just like the dean is like listen uh i'm gonna ask you something i really don't want you to lie to me that's one thing i hate more

than dogs enrolling in my school is a is a liar are you a jack russell terrier dog and he came clean yeah i am yeah shoot me straight all right i am yeah you know what dale i am well even though you're captain captain of captain of the crew team never done this before but you're gonna go you're out you're expelled your dog you gotta go can't have you here you're a dog you're three years old you're jack russell terrier dog you're a three-year-old dog you gotta go go handle sean's affairs he just got pinched for grand theft auto so he's gonna need you anyway his bad his bad dude got pinched how did they catch you grand theft auto when you were driving at such a high level?

Riddle me that. I think on a higher level, I wanted to get caught. I'm a sicko. I think I'm a sicko and I needed to get caught. I needed someone else to straighten me out. Okay. That's why I stole a cop car. Okay. Oh.

All right. Yeah. That's why you threw a book through the window. Or a brick. Because of a book. Yeah, whatever. All the same thing. They're not a book through the window. Or a brick. Because of a book. Yeah, whatever. All the same thing. They're not going to throw the book.

That'd be crazy. You broke a window in a brick store with a book. A book to me is a vandalized brick that can open. That's all a book is. I hate them. Someone's scribbling on this brick. What the fuck is this? Somebody made this brick all soft and turned it into a nerd.

Somebody ruined all this paper. Flying steak. Amazing. Yeah, dude. That's sick. Time for my third pick. Oprah. Oh, shit.

What if? Because what if? Damn. Oh, my God. Oprah dropping in? You hear Oprah's just dropping in? What if it's Oprah? Uh-huh.

It's a magenta f-16 yeah it's beautiful it only flies out of montecito california yeah yeah its own air air oprah's airport what if it is you can't see it only lands in catalina i don't know i don't know what she can't do i would not be shocked at all if she could fly i wouldn't be shocked if she could fly an f-14 tomcat well plus you know if if oprah's on in your on your six you know gail's somewhere up there oprah does not fly alone they do not fly alone yeah gail's in the vicinity what's her dude's name oh god stedman yeah yeah yeah well stedman wouldn't be a bad no call name stedman stedman like a steady man yeah stedman yeah oprah trompson sted stedman you know one of my favorite things is fucking missiles dude you know you'd be like you're like you know what look under your seat

it's a missile you get a missile you under your seat it's a missile just blowing people out of the sky dude oprah what what's what's that a wayward youth and a missile she uh how'd that guy get called oprah oh well tom cruise danced on him yeah oh the connection the one guy who ever outmaneuvered me. Danced on my ass. Oprah. What was? Yeah, dude.

That's sick. I was going to say, what was he dancing about? Was it, was he because he was so in love? He was so in love with Katie Holmes. Yeah. Yeah.

I think people went a little too hard on him. It's not a PR stunt. I'm like, it's fine. It was weird. It was really weird. Was it weird? I don't remember it.

Far be it for me to criticize. I remember thinking it was like, well, think back. Think of any other thing that he's ever done that's come close to that kind of activity. There's like nothing. It's like such a weird, like, damn, he must have been in such a...

He's a creature of emotion, I feel like. I don't know if that was what that was. It was weird. I mean, I don't know. It felt what that was. It was weird. I mean, I don't know. It felt weird. Make a statement, you know?

Weird. I get, maybe I'm just a naive old person. I will. I will. It's weird. I sometimes, I surprise myself sometimes when I feel like,

right? Yeah. I don't want to sound like an idiot. I feel like I was, it feels like early 2000s, right? Like right in right maybe like maybe 93 time watch it again and picture anyone else doing it it's just so crazy to me to think of a pr person being like go go go do something that people are going to talk about that's i i just it's so hard to think that people, that's their job. And it's like,

go make a fool of yourself. Almost like somebody would tell him to do that. It was the period of time where he was kind of like the, everyone thought like, Oh, he might be losing the stardom. Cause remember he did that interview where he was like, Oh,

I don't believe in like medications or therapy or yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Him and Matt Lauer. Yeah. That's right. who got canceled first old matt lauer thought he was safe yep no such luck dude hashtag cancel matt lauer sorry for saying your next pick oh that's your next pick hashtag cancel matt lauer of course yeah he was the one that got canceled right right? Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And deservedly.

So you could say canceled or, I mean, I know we're all on the same page here, but like faced consequences for his terrible behavior. Right. Oprah, that's my pick. And we're going to get to my fourth pick right after we take another short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course

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Ian Carmel. I just made my most recent pick. My name is Ian Carmel, and I picked Oprah as a possible Top Gun call sign. Now, on to my fourth pick and the fourth picks of the whole game. The lotion plane. Here's a lotion missile

coming right at your dirty, dry plane. Yeah, dude. That was gross. Why is it dirty? Dirty, dry plane. You don't use lotion like soap, I do. It just cleans everything. Just moving it around.

Sean. Lotion on dirt. You psycho. Lotion on dirt the sean jordan show uh time for my fourth pick i'm taking junicorn yeah there we go now you definitely need the little pokey thing on that just a junicorn galloping across the sky yeah come on that's there's gonna be like pilots who are like who's behind me and they're like i don't know if i can say it

yeah yeah you know ian yeah ian you know but you know big dracula they're just giving like oprah oprah dude he used to be oprah judaism mythical creatures behind you yeah little big israel back there unicorn that's so sick it's are you decorating the plane at all absolutely little uh the talus and a horn with a little the little the brains yeah i always thought man okay pious pious there was a period of time in my life where I thought that that was the coolest thing. The long, like the long. Was it right around when Modest Yahoo was popular?

No, I think it was when I moved to Portland. I was like, I couldn't do it, but I like it. Like shorter hair and then you just have the two long curls. Really? Yeah, I don't know. You might be the only person who's ever thought that was cool. Is it? I love it. like over here yeah i don't know i'd be the only person who's ever thought that was cool is it so if you're if you're orthodox it's it's not really a choice right or it is well i mean you know anything's a choice well no no i know i know but i guess that's just like part that's just what you do you don't think of it in terms of like choice or not.

You're just like. It's what, yeah. They're worn by men, some men and boys in Orthodox Jewish communities. To cover the bone or something? It was based on interpretation of the Tanakh's injunction against shaving the sides of one's head. Tanakh's injunction was going to be my fourth pick, but. Tanakh's injunction. He was be my fourth pick. Tanakh's injunction. He was saying that last night, too.

The Torah says you shall not round off the paya of your head. It sounded like he said the Torah. The Torah said it. This is all because of Shane and his big impact in New York. Don't touch my payload. Don't touch my payload.

That's a good name for Shane. Big impact. That's his fighter pilot name. my payload. Don't touch my payload. That's a good name for Shane. Big Impact. That's his fighter pilot name. Big Impact, dude. Big payload. I got to drop my payload. I got payload on my payload. Go see Shane in Europe. The big coyote.

The big peyote coyote. The peyote coyote? Yeah. The macho baracho peyote coyote. Oh, I love it. the macho borracho peyote coyote oh i love it oh uh i can't you know the the real uh answer is i can't really explain why that hair thing happens but my plane has it on there the peyote uh yeah the unicorn not much to it i just love it it's perfect oh there's a yarmulke on top of your uh the glass yeah i'm coming in dude iran did what i'll be right there

yeah i'm coming in dude iran did what i'll be right there say no more i'm on it uh zach time for your fourth pick my fourth pick i'm gonna pay i'm gonna take uh parmesan buffalo uh this was this was a nickname i used to play a pickup with nick harris all the time in uh in in oregon and he would call himself the black buffalo and then that's when i started calling myself the parmesian buffalo the parmesan buffalo i just thought it was like two different wing flavors i mean i've done it before it is fucking The Parmesan Buffalo. You whip the fuck out of the wings. Why do you... Oh, yeah, whip the fuck out of it. Now, why do you... This has long eluded me. It's been years, this question. It's not spelled Parmesian.

No. It's spelled like Parmesan. So you're asking why I say Parmesan. There's not an E-A-N in there. So Adam used to say when he worked at Subway that people would come in and ask for Parmesian Oregano bread. And how he's like, it's insane to me that they

don't know how to say either one of those words the right way. He would say Parmesian Oregano. And then when he would order from B-Dubs when we first moved to Portland and he would call in and he'd say, let me get the garlic parmesan.

And we'd just screw it up every time. And I just think it's the funniest thing in the world. And so that's why I say Parmesian all the time, because it just sounds funny to me. The Parmesan. But I don't know. It's pretty phonetic. It's like Parmesan. I don't.

Yeah, you wouldn't think that there's an E in the middle of that. And this is from somebody who hates reading. So here. All right. The Parmesan Buffalo. Yeah. Why did he call himself the Black Buffalo? Because he's like a big buff dude.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think he was like bullying people out of the way. I love that. Sounds like you figured it out. Yeah. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure that it wasn't a chicken wing thing for him as well.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. I put two and two together. Oh, has anyone ever done like black and blue wings? I was just thinking that you never see like,

wait, like black, like a black wing with blue cheese. Yeah. Black and wing with like blue cheese sauce, like a black and blue burger. I've done it just by dipping like a sort of like a Cajun, maybe wing into like a,

into blue cheese. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, she's over ranch by the way. Right. If we had to pick, I was,

Oh, for days, for days, ranch. And I, sorry, it's a little runny for me now. Now it kind of,

it doesn't gross me. I still like ranch, but I don't like how thin it is. I like ranch. Hot sauce is getting too hot for you i like wow who are you what's left i like it gross mountain dew i'll tell you what's that's true that is what's left somebody sent you another one yeah it's my boy dad he sent it to me and in uh he's so he sent a book for maxine and like a uh like a wedding gift

and then in bubble wrap he had a Mountain Dew that you could I've never seen it anywhere and they have it in South Dakota and he sent me a photo of it and I was like will you please mail me that what is it what flavor heat wave oh that'd be a good one

that was gonna be a call sign until it was on the Mountain Dew and I was like I don't want to take it but I used to in a joke I used to give myself the nickname heat wave I was like, I don't want to take it. In a joke, I used to give myself the nickname Heat Wave. I was like, oh, that'd be a fun call sign. Yeah, yeah. But there's a Mountain Dew called Heat Wave, dude. Is it spicy? I don't know. I'm going to slam it on the Patreon.

My mom sends me these chips. She finds these individually wrapped chips that are called like... They got like a skull on them. It looks like a Dia de los Muertes chip. And I ate one once and it sucked. So I'm going to eat it and then wash it down with this Mountain Dew and then put it on the Patreon page.

You said individually wrapped chips. So it's just like one chip? It was one chip. It's one big chip. It's like this one chip challenge thing and they're very spicy. They have like ghost pepper on them or something. It's like Paquiers, P-A-Q-U-I chips or something.

I don't know how my mom finds this shit, but she does. They're around. Those are like, those are popping around. I've seen those before. I feel like Plaid or 7-Eleven, they probably just got them

if you look in the right shelf or something. I'm just imagining you being like, oh, I got a letter from my mom, and you open it, and there's just one chip in it. One spicy chip. Oh no, Sean. Love you.

I'm going to send more money back home. I wanted to send you a bag, but you just... One chip. Share it with Maxine. Oh, that's awesome. The Parmesan Buffalo. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth and then for God's sake, your final picks.

As it is the Serpentine Draft. Fourth pick is probably the silliest one I got, but it seems like it'd be fun. I'm going to pick Milkshake. I like Milkshake. It doesn't seem too serious. I don't think anyone's going to be scared of me.

I like Milkshake. We're not always fighting. Sometimes we're just up there doing drills, having fun and milkshakes in the house. You know, it's not always war. Sometimes we're just chilling and we need to cut loose a little bit, be in a better mood. Maybe it's like you're evasive.

You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. Milkshake. Or I just, I'm just like bumping on, I don't know. Maybe bring all the boys to the yard.

You always puke in your plane. Yeah. Going in the barracks like, boys, wake up. It's time for plane practice. Come on outside. Hey, boys, milkshakes here. Speaking of clubs

I don't have in the bag anymore, I'm not sure I'm too eager to take down a milkshake at any point soon even if i have like a scoop of ice cream it disagrees with me like it's getting divorced like it's it's it's we used to talk about getting blackout drunk every weekend and now we're like oh milkshake too spicy for me milkshakes too spicy for my stomach nokshake's too spicy for my stomach. No, but it's the one where I'm like, I love a milkshake,

but I just don't love it to hurt when I poop. Aftermath. That'd be another good one. Aftermath? Aftermath. Shady. I'll be using Bear's Visit to justify an ice cream cone. Yeah, I use a lot.

I used December to justify so much stuff. Oh, my God. I used my wedding through Dana's birthday. New York, man. New York, I was going nuts. I had a cheesesteak and cheesecake in like the same half hour. I never thought about that. They rhyme even.

But yeah, it's just like, I'm going crazy. I had a couple Mountain Dews that day. Just, I don't think I'm supposed to have a cheesesteak and a cheesecake in the same half hour. That's why Philadelphia broke off from New York city of it. Originally.

That's why they're not the correct delivery bill. Yeah. Or you could get a cheesecake cheesesteak. Oh, I don't think that would agree with me either i don't like that either way uh milkshake okay and then um is it my last it was the last last pick i have milkshake written on this list twice it's my first it's my first pick and then my second to last pick just above the air force uh last pick i'm gonna go i just think it sounds cool casper i want to be casper casper milk toast just sounds kind of cool yeah i'm white just letting everybody know hey i'm a white dude that's your nickname for when you go a wall casper sounds fun that one sounds like a little

like that casper and dakota are the two that sound like they would be in a Top Gun movie. People are like, wow, he's a friendly ghost. I probably don't have to worry about this too much. Hey, I'm Casper Dakota. I'd like to give you some gas money, even though you didn't ask for it. Here you go. Gas again, motherfucker. What's Casper up there doing?

Ghost protocols? Chewing on bullets, dude. Ghost protocols. Ghost protocols. Ghost protocols. Yeah, I'm just out there flying at night. No lights. I just think Casper sounds tight. That was like one of the first things.

I was like, that'd be dope. I just think it's fun. An all-white plane. I would like to be called that. That, if I could give myself like my own, that was probably what i would like to get i would get given dakota probably or hot sauce i could probably legitimately get hot

sauce i guess you'd want casper i like casper i think it sounds cool all right why is a tennis player whose nickname was hot sauce it's also a basketball player's nickname was hot sauce oh yeah his last name was calling you hot sauce please please well it's like so this player his last name was verdasco rhymes with tabasco you get the hot sauce right sure and that was like when i was reading on these call signs uh that was like how most of these people get their call signs it's like their last name will be kitchen or something and then they'll be like oh you're you're now your call sign has to do with something in the kitchen like microwave stay in yeah micro wave dude micro wave there was one that i saw that was nag and it stood for not a guy

it was it was like the first female i think that's what it was it was the first female like fighter pilot and that was in like active duty or something and her call sign was nag and I'm like you're calling her nag and it stands for not a guy but you're saying you're nagging it doesn't you're not a guy you didn't do it the right way Casper is that time for your final pick?

okay final pick I'm gonna go Baked ZD. Oh, yeah. And ZT, it's just ZT. So it's Zach Toscani, Baked ZT. Yeah. I never thought about that. Yeah.

Good move. Baked ZD. I'm always stoned up there. They're like, is he flying towards the sun again? God damn it. I'm going straight up. ZD's baked again. We gotta...

She's on a different mission, dude. Don't worry about him. Yeah, I'm like, can I get a little window installed just so some of the smoke goes out? Put like a carburetor on this plane somehow? There have to be Air Force people who like vape while they're up in a plane, right? Of course there are.

How did they get... If you're on a plane right of course there are how did they get sick like they still if you're on a plane the air cycles through right it's i don't know on the fighter jets yeah i don't know really if there's like a ac what would happen if someone just cracked their window a little bit in a fighter jet when they're like sonic but i don't think it would with the plane would this shit like explode maybe if you have your mask on you'd be all right yeah that's what so laura's dad does he whenever they take their mask off he gets furious he's like you don't nobody does that you never do that you never take your mask off i never really asked why he's got a movie star face and we want to see it yeah i'm saying i was like if you're tom cruise you do or glenn powell you take that tiny little mask off they always do it and they like rip it off

and then they're all sweating and breathing hard and you're like well that was your oxygen mask it was pumping pure oxygen into your back on that's yeah that's a big point of contention when he watches these but he does not he does not care for that he leaves he's like i'm fucking out i'm hitting the eject on this movie so i just read that jay somebody texted me jay leno was in a motorcycle accident he's fine but he broke some bones they're dangerous man the curse the curse of jay leno yeah dude it that is crazy too because he was just in an accident i bet he was being like super careful yeah i wonder what harrison ford's gotten about a lot of plane wrecks right plane crashes yeah yeah i wonder what his call sign is whoa blade runner i was gonna say he's full of them indiana whatever it is it's

probably too long and that's why they're always like uh indiana jones and the temple of doom you got a tree's ahead of you and they're like it took too long what if his call sign was ha i was gonna say hans solo hans that would be a good because he's by himself in the plane yeah swedish the swedish meatball hans solo hans olo oh what about uh this is for ian no No one else can take this, but Jubaca. Marissa, if you could cut that sound clip of Zach just saying that word and every time we say his name, every time Ian says and Zach, anytime Ian says Zach, just play that.

Jubaca. Anytime Zach says Ian put Jubaca over it. What do you think Jubaca? Yeah, I'll consider that note yeah i'll consider that note she'll consider that note uh time for my final pick my final pick trish oh god yeah yep uh-oh trish is up there she's in a bad mood dude trish has always got angles working yeah you know i was just this popped into my head what would be fun this is the only but like the bitch would have been a good one too i was just thinking about her i know you know you took it i thought about running the bitch back but the bitch is a penguin you can't go up in the up in the air with a

penguin no i just see like even your enemies rolling their eyes like the bitch is here the bitch is back the bitch is back she's in heat that's trish right it's just trish in a bad mood what trish is a dish yeah yeah oh trish trish my final pick uh marissa what is your pick the marissa pick brought to you of of course, by a fashion brand company. There it is. Yeah, Shep's Fashion Brand Company. My God, I wish they would just give me a promo code or something. Anyways, this isn't a call sign for me, but there was an intern at HeadGum who had a perfect nickname,

probably my favorite nickname of all time, and it would be perfect as a call sign. His name was Nick Eagleston, but everyone just called him Eagle. And any time he arrived at the office, people would say, the Eagle has landed. Oh yeah. And it was fun every single time. So I think Eagle would be a great call sign name. Hell yeah.

I agree. Eagle. Man. Again, that was Marissa's pick brought to you potentially by Fashion Brand Company. Fashion Brand Company, please. Fashion Brand Company sounds like such a fake company.

It does. If you look on their Instagram, it's like, we do not sell clothes. We make clothes for lizards. It just looks like a very fake, jokey company. Fashion Brand Company. Like I was trying to get a loan at a bank. Like, what business do you?

Fashion Brand Company. Fashion Brand Company. Steve Stevenson here. I work for Fashion fashion brand company in city state i'm in the lbc pitching a little fbc if you know what i'm saying i know what you're saying our operations in oregon are located in oregon city is it really no oh okay i was like oh i did a show in oregon city yeah shout out to oregon city it's on main street uh those were our picks we we left some good wait let me uh let me recap i'll do that i'll do it the way we're supposed to do it uh

sean went first he took dakota hot sauce the air force milkshake and casper zach went second he took widow taker mommy flank, the Parmesan buffalo, and baked ZT. I went last. I took Lil Poopy, Big Dracula, Oprah, Junicorn, and Trish. We left some good stuff on the board. El Capitan, I thought would be a fun one. Yeah. I wore horse.

Candy stains. That was just a nickname I had as a kid. Yeah. I always had stains of candy that I had eaten all over my mouth. These would be really good. Like video game nicknames like IGNs. Like that's what I was kind of. Oh, yeah.

I told you. I told David I was going to pick this last night, but I I backed out. I was going to pick Black King. We were talking about if our nickname was black king is david in town he was he was last night he took off this morning he had to fly did he do a show yeah he did uh high note oh yeah oh fantastic yeah and then he he's uh in the air felt bad i took him to the airport this morning and he's just like i gotta be in salt lake airport for hours and then he's gotta go to montana the two biggest destinations in this country i bet there's good food in the salt lake city

airport for some reason i don't want to hear yours send us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, the AFE Shislakity, the AFE Subreddit. Shout out to Super, producer Marissa on the ones and twos. Shout out to Saints2Carmel.

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