All Fantasy Everything - TV Theme Songs (w/ Solomon Georgio, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: October 26, 2017

The amuse-bouche of the amusing. the teaser for the pleaser, the foyer for the enjoyer (I was nominated for an Emmy)... today we're drafting TV themes. Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians ...Sean Jordan, David Gborie and Solomon Georgio. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to a... Oh, shit. Man, we haven't recorded. Keep it. I cussed right off the bat. That's all right. Welcome to All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that cusses right off the bat. I'll tell you what the podcast doesn't do is go to church very often.
Starting point is 00:00:41 It does not go to church. Well, this podcast, this part of it has never gone to church. If you're scared, go to church. I said, no, thank you. I said, no, thank you, Ice Cube. No, I won't be. I don't want to lie down on fire. If I'm scared, I'll go to perhaps a minyan at a synagogue. Ten
Starting point is 00:00:57 strong Jewish men pouring over the finer points of the Torah together. Now, I understand you're Jewish. That's 100% Jewish. Are you Jewish? Bar Mitzvah and everything. Now, I understand you're Jewish. That's 100% Jewish. Are you Jewish? Bar Mitzvah and everything. Yeah, thank you for asking.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Do you know that? Yeah, this guy's a Jewish man. Solomon, you can talk before we introduce you. I just want to make sure. I always feel bad. No one ever confirms that for me. Anytime I'm on a podcast, I'm sitting there for like 15 minutes while they're going over business.
Starting point is 00:01:24 I'm like, uh, can I? And I'll look down, and then you catch them looking at you, and they're kind of leading you on. Should I jump in? Yeah. I'm waiting for the jump rope. Yeah, it is a little bit. Just like waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
Starting point is 00:01:34 And I'll wait. I will happily sit here and be like, oh, you don't need to hear my voice yet. For 45 minutes. You guys got a flow. I don't want to interrupt. Everybody needs to hear your voice. I don't want to bug anybody. Everyone wants to hear you, and you are part of our flow.
Starting point is 00:01:44 So yeah, jump right in. I'm in the mix. I'm in the mix already. So early. Cussing up top. I'm in the mix. Fuck, dude. Cussing up top.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Hell yeah. Talking about Judaism up top. That's this podcast game. It's strong. Classic. Well, you got to hook the listeners early. You got to hook them in somehow. And usually it's by talking about ancient Torah traditions.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Say it again? A minyan. A minyan. A minyan. Yeah. Is that like a mystic kind of thing? It's weird. It's one of these weird old Jewish things where like it needs to be 10 bar mitzvah Jewish men. And you can't do it with nine.
Starting point is 00:02:18 You don't need 11. And you just get together and you like read the Torah together. Okay. And then what's that supposed to do? Does it have a power? No. Does something happen? No.
Starting point is 00:02:26 It's just what you call it. The whole, like the Jews, from what I can gather, they're like what they really love to do, like the way I'll get stoned and play NBA 2K18 for like two hours. I've seen it. Yeah. You've seen it with your own two eyes. I've seen you do that.
Starting point is 00:02:40 They just love to get together and like think about the Torah and like debate it a little bit. Okay. Yeah. If that's what you're into, though. That's what Bible study is. Yeah. There's no restrictions on how many people.
Starting point is 00:02:51 Ours is like a hard 10. Yeah, you just got to have that. What do you call it when it's 10 women? Well, it's Judaism. Now I'm sure they do it like a reform synagogue will do that. Sure. The old ones were just like, you stay over on your side of the building. The synagogue I went to, which was fairly progressive, still had sections for men and women if they wanted to sit separately.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Wow. Yeah. Judaism, cool now. Definitely shady as fuck. I'm not going to take this road. I'll be the one to talk. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to to take this road. Yeah, I'll be the one to talk. Yeah, yeah,
Starting point is 00:03:25 yeah. You know, I'm going to go ahead and not speak on it. Look, I'm going to tell you right now, we all have a thing. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:03:31 that's fair. We all got a thing. Ours is deeply entrenched sexism, much like every other thing. Every other thing in the history of the world that's ever happened, deeply.
Starting point is 00:03:41 We have joining us today, Sean Jordan. Yep. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Yep. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram Fresh off a triumphant trip To the 10,000 Laughs Comedy Festival Totally In Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Starting point is 00:03:56 And I have to say thank you to Lady Spooky, Lala Spooky Friend On Twitter for coming out to the show Lala Spooky Friend? Lala Spooky Friend, that's Carm out to the show. Lala Spooky Friend? You have to make up fans that you met, Sean. Lala Spooky Friend. That's Carmela Anthony's wife's maiden name, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got some shit to say to Mello about it, too, if he ever wants to tweet at me.
Starting point is 00:04:12 It's like Honey Nut Cheerios. She gave me some stickers. It says, hang loose, and then one that says jerk with the state of Minnesota is the K. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I didn't meet her because I had to go to the Best of the Fest show, which Shane Torres did not get invited to do. Nice.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Nice. Oh, my God. That got Marissa. I didn't meet her because I had to go to the Best of the Fest show, which Shane Torres did not get invited to do. Nice. Nice. That got Marissa. No invite for the Shane train? No, no. They must have been sick of him by then. Oh, Best of the Fest. But shout out to Shane for letting me stay with him for free.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Damn. Wow. You guys have a complicated relationship. It is a complicated. It's one of the great relationships. I was putting him on the Instagram story, and he is so drunk, and he goes, no story. I saw. Is this right? Did I see an Instagram of a lady wrestling him?
Starting point is 00:04:52 Yeah, Katie Wynn. Little gal. Little tiny gal. She was on her own, though. Yeah. How was, did any AFP fans come out at the festival? What's going on? Yeah, a bunch, everybody.
Starting point is 00:05:02 There were, you know, 40, 50. Wow. Shout out to y'all minneapolis showed up and we'll have to swing through the live show at some point hell yeah god yeah everybody i mean that's what everybody every single person that came up that was what they said they wanted to see a live show beautiful that would be super fun and also real quick since we were talking about it downstairs. Guan. Shout out to... Guan, what do you know? Guan, Guan. May you wallet. Shout out to whoever was at the coffee shop in the Dale in Glendale the other day.
Starting point is 00:05:32 At Phil's? Listening to... No, it was at Starbucks. It was right on brand. Brand in Colorado. Listening to this podcast and their headphones around their neck like a DJ so I could hear it.
Starting point is 00:05:41 That's amazing. It was crazy. I was standing right next to you and I didn't say anything because I felt like a dork. I was standing right next to you, and I didn't say anything because I felt like a dork. You were standing right next to the cougar. Right next, yeah. That's so crazy.
Starting point is 00:05:52 You should have said something. I would have said something for sure. I would have said a bunch of shit. I would have said, I would have been like the podcast that, and then, yeah, I would have done something from the podcast. You'd be like, that's a me. Hey! I'd have played it cool, too, like saying you'd be like that's a me yeah I'd have played it cool too like oh you like that podcast
Starting point is 00:06:07 yeah I mean yo that Starbucks doesn't seem like somewhere that you just kind of trip into and go on a Tuesday
Starting point is 00:06:14 morning or whatever so you think he was waiting for you setting a trap because we've talked about going to the Americana before
Starting point is 00:06:21 yeah I don't know why he had camo all over his face yeah chewing on the bullets holding an AK-47 I don't know why he had camo all over his face. Yeah. Chewing on the bullets. Holding an AK-47. I know why. Nicole sent him.
Starting point is 00:06:28 Oh, man. Oh, yeah. I was so close to Nicole this weekend. You were? She was right there. I almost had to crew up, go down to Bloomington
Starting point is 00:06:35 and take care of it. I don't know the Nicole situation. Nicole ruined me. It's the girl what ruined Sean. I'm different. I sent him out west. The girl what wrecked my heart something fierce, I'll tell you.
Starting point is 00:06:42 I think you were a little ruined before you. Stomped on it. Yeah, my dad might have something to do with that. Anyway, back to positive stuff. If anything, she took you out of the washroom and threw you into the dryer. Thank heavens for her for doing that. Also, I got an email today.
Starting point is 00:06:59 I don't want to say your last name. You know who are. Michael. That was like the coolest thing that anyone's ever said to me. It was just an email talking about how it's cool that i'm positive and how this podcast is amazing did you say anything nice about david and i yes he said that you two are fantastic it was mainly about how i'm positive though oh so but i mean that's fine you guys are fine i don't like that there it is you heard it, dude. This is what happens when you let your friends shine.
Starting point is 00:07:26 Yeah, exactly. Don't make me stop. Please don't make me stop. I won't know what to do. Sean is now going to be replaced by a Big Bird speak and say. No, I got to shine. The cow says chiseling. I wonder if they got Chiswick in Vegas.
Starting point is 00:07:45 We can make it. Oh, yeah, we're going to Vegas. This episode is going to be good. The next episode is going to be crazy. Yeah. Because Sean, David, myself, Zach Toscani, and friend of the program, Nicholas Danpe. King of the atoll. He has no problems at all to rehash one of your jokes.
Starting point is 00:08:06 Not from you pricks, but it did get some love. No, it bombed in here. But that's the thing about Sean Jordan. Bombs in the room, kills on Twitter. Kills on Twitter. No, there are Sean Jordan heads out there. Big time heads. They love it.
Starting point is 00:08:20 We're going to see Jaws. We're going to Las Vegas. We're going to go see Jaws. We're going to go see Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws. Jaws see Jaws We're going to Las Vegas We're going to go see Jaws We're going to go see Jaws Oh, Jaws Oh, that's another wonderful Jaws Oh, and Lost for Girls That's a Jaws 3
Starting point is 00:08:32 Not as known as Jaws 3 You can't see me right now But I am wearing a beautiful fur With one of those long cigarette sticks You have a scepter Yeah, I do Well, that's nothing new But I am presenting I always have a scepter. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's nothing new, but I am presenting.
Starting point is 00:08:45 I always have a scepter on me, but I'm usually I keep it in the trunk. Sean, do you have anything to plug coming up? No, man. Listen to this podcast because it's dope.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Listen to AFV. David, Boring, the G is silent. Yes, sir. CoolGuyJokes87. CoolGuyJokes87, thank you guys
Starting point is 00:09:02 for watching my Instagram stories. I just got home from home from Colorado playing with some cats, touching some babies. That's not. That's a weird. You knew what you were saying. But you get it. I'm great with babies. If you guys just want to throw some at me.
Starting point is 00:09:16 I'll believe that. Or I can throw some at you. You might have a baby on you. Yeah, I might have a baby on me. I can see you being good with a baby. I'm real. They like my energy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Baby looking at you all excited, kind of trying to grab your cheek a little bit. It's like a weird size to not be afraid of. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so big, but I'm so sweet. And they're like, what's going on? Man, kids at grocery stores look at me like just real suspicious. They'll just look up at me like, what are you?
Starting point is 00:09:41 What are you? What are you doing? And I'll try to smile at them, and then they'll go get scared and run behind their mom. Mommy, are we going to make it home? Yeah. I look like a child giant. Because I'm good with babies, not as good with little kids. Toddlers hate me.
Starting point is 00:09:56 I think that they feel like we're equal, and I often find myself having to assert dominance over children. Over a child? Yeah, yeah. See, babies are usually where I'm fine, because I'm tall enough that I hold them, and they're like, child? Yeah, yeah. See, babies are usually where I'm fine because I'm tall enough that I hold them and they're like, what? It's like when they go through the clouds.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Like when Jasmine and Aladdin are through. It's a whole new world up there. You're on the top of the fridge? Oh my God. You're not six feet tall. You've never seen shit like this. They may never be there again. They're getting new angles on shit but you put them on the ground and they're like fuck whatever that yeah why are you all the way up there i can't get to you if i need to i get it
Starting point is 00:10:34 that's a pretty good point yeah yeah i never thought about that babies get wigged out man how was denver it was good it was not even denver it was Elizabeth. Oh, you went home home. Home home. It was great. We just like, my buddy's wife is pregnant. So we just hung out and went shopping, saw some movies. It was like real low key, really fun. That's beautiful. Anything coming up to plug?
Starting point is 00:10:58 November 4th, I will be at the Ha Ha Conference in Penn State. That's right. I'm doing a panel in the morning and I'm doing jokes at night. And then I believe November 17th and 18th, I will be at the Blue Room in Columbus, Missouri. Fantastic. So, you know, I'm making moves
Starting point is 00:11:18 out here. Sure. Getting it done. Making moves. Handling shit. We're also joined by Solomon Giorgio. Hi. There he is joined by Solomon Giorgio there he is is it at Solomon Giorgio on Twitter on Twitter
Starting point is 00:11:28 on Instagram on Facebook cross platform but the Solomon Giorgio dot com is my website as it should be I know
Starting point is 00:11:35 you were joining us fresh off of hot week dropping an album fresh off of dropping a Comedy Central half hour fresh off of
Starting point is 00:11:44 dropping a Conan O'Brien set. Yes. Your second. My second, yes. Second clip in the belt. It's been a million. Crazy outfit on that, too. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Man, you look like an ice cream salesman. I got that suit that morning. I was dead sick as hell. I was sick all weekend, and I wanted to get that suit the weekend, but I was just, but yeah. You were too sick. But yeah, something in that sick haze and I wanted to get that suit the weekend but I was just... You were too sick. But yeah, something in that sick haze was like, give me that cotton candy blue suit.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Give me that pink Sherbert shirt. You're so good. I just needed lively colors to make me not feel like I'm dead inside because I was really sick. It worked. That's fucking rad. Now you have that if you ever need to go on a cruise. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Or to Miami. Oh, my God. Miami in that shit? Or just like an LA summertime. I'm not that crazy about the pants, but I think I'm going to do the white pants with that. Oh. Well, now you have to go to an island. All the way.
Starting point is 00:12:39 You can sell ice cream. White pants are so great. I love that you bought the suit just off the rack. To me, it's a part of the suit just off the rack. To me, that is, it's a part of the world that I may never get to explore. No, that's,
Starting point is 00:12:49 yeah, we're not there. You guys, I'm going to tell you right now, me and fashion, we connect in a certain way that it's a certain synergy that I've perfected
Starting point is 00:12:56 and honed in over years. You have the legs for fashion. Yeah, they just, I've earned, it's just a really good, it's the best relationship I've ever been in,
Starting point is 00:13:04 honestly. I'm the same way with drinking beers at the lake. I'm just built for it. I like that too. Just drinking a 40 on a pontoon boat. Yep. Let me in. See, I would look terrible doing that.
Starting point is 00:13:14 You'd look so good doing that. People would feel so like, they're like, what happened to him? Why is he here? Why is that fashionista do stupid... They would feel invaded. Yeah. I recently spent a lot of time on a catamaran, and I fit right in.
Starting point is 00:13:27 What is a catamaran? A catamaran is a boat that's like, it's a pontoon boat, but it's like a little more, there's not netting. It's like there's two of the pontoons and then like a big boat on top of it. Okay, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Like in Moana. Yeah, like in Moana.
Starting point is 00:13:42 Yeah. But I was in kind of an upscale Moana boat. And that right there, at Ian Carmel on Twitter. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, Solomon, do you have anything to plug? Oh, I blow it every fucking time I try. Every time I try. You're a prince?
Starting point is 00:13:55 Follow that up with We Love You. I will actually be going on tour with Deer Tick, the band. Holy shit, really? You're going on Deer Tick? God damn. That's awesome. From the 12th through the 18th, I will be going part of their Arizona Legular Tour
Starting point is 00:14:12 and a couple of dates in Texas. And then I'm doing the Come and Get It Comedy Festival in Houston right after that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I will also be at that comedy festival. Are you going to be? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:22 Oh, we're going to have a good time. We're also going to do a live All Fantasy Everything. The two of you won't be there. I will be there, though. But Solomon, maybe you want to do it? I will happily do it. You want to go to the mall or something? I think I legitimately agreed to do this festival a year ago.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Oh, wow. And then it was something I'd always seen on my calendar. And this summer, I was like, that'll be there. What the hell is that? When's the whole festival? The 18th, the 17th through the 19th. I don't know. It's the 16th through 20th of whatever the next month is.
Starting point is 00:14:58 November. November. November. That's the next one. So Thanksgiving? But also, if you guys are going to go to the mall that day, if you guys want to do a side project podcast on the food court, I think that would be- I think that would be great.
Starting point is 00:15:08 We do spend a lot of time in there. I think that's a nice look. I think- I go there every day. We'll go half-life. Also, maybe we'll get the balls to go in the Gucci store one of these days. I'll go in there with you. I'll take you there.
Starting point is 00:15:19 It didn't work with us. I can't handle the looks I get. You got to walk in like you belong there. You have no idea. It's a sickness. We were definitely not dressed like we were. But that's part of- My shorts between us. I can't handle the looks I get. You gotta walk in like you belong there. You have no idea. We were definitely not dressed like we were. My shorts between us. That can be a choice, though. Or that's like you super
Starting point is 00:15:31 belong there. Like a fucking billionaire. You're like, yeah, I go to the Gucci store. It's like my home. I wear what I wear in my home. Yeah, why would I not? I'm as comfortable here as I am anywhere. I'm different. I have the kind of face where I look like I'm looking down on you even though I'm not looking directly at you.
Starting point is 00:15:47 I feel like you walk in the Gucci store and they ask you, can they help you? But they mean it. I walk in and they're like, can I help you? They're like, can I help you? Yeah. Can I help you? Am I the one?
Starting point is 00:16:02 But I've never been to the Gucci store. I would happily go. Topanga Mall? They just want to help you. But I've never been to the Gucci store. I would happily go in. You've got to go to the Gucci store. Oh, yeah. You've got to go to the Gucci store. Topanga Mall, right? Yeah, it was Topanga. Hell, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:10 If you guys are going to be in Vegas, there's like the giant Gucci store there. Yeah, we would trust one. I might be in Gucci store. I tripped in in a haze with an open bottle of vodka. That's different when you're in Vegas. It don't matter. I'll go in there and fucking dump, yeah, what I'm supposed to be in here. I'll do that.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Topanga. Fuck it. That's not even better sex. It is noon, sir. I'll go in there and fucking dump what I'm supposed to be on here. I'll do that in Topanga. Fuck it. It is noon soon. That'll be in the Topanga Gazette next day. Freaking out all the Topanga-ites. Man walks into Gucci store shirtless,
Starting point is 00:16:40 holding a fifth of vodka, buys cheapest thing at Gucci store, immediately leaves. Gucci money clip for $2.49. Let me get one Gucci flip-flop. Just the left. What am I, the Monopoly man? You forget it there. So, yeah, I am Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel across platforms.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Check me out. And, yeah, I am going to be at the Come and Take It Festival in Houston with Solomon Giorgio. We will be doing a live All Fantasy Everything lineup to be determined, although hopefully Solomon Giorgio will be on it. I will happily do it. That's going to be awesome. And then, again,
Starting point is 00:17:18 December 22nd in Portland, Oregon, I'll be doing my new hour of stand-up. What? Yeah! At Revolution Hall. It's like halfway sold out, so tickets are going quick. So make sure you jump on that. I'm going to go ahead and go. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Sean, I think you're going to be there? I'm going to go ahead and do it. Sean is going to be there, so you'll get to see both of us doing stand-up comedy. It's going to be real fun. The hour is called 30 Minutes About Donald Trump and then 30 Minutes to Make You Forget About Donald Trump. Can't wait. I'm really excited about it.
Starting point is 00:17:46 So cop tickets there and then for the people asking, I am going to try to take it on the road after that, but I would recommend blowing off whatever Christmas plans you have and flying to Portland
Starting point is 00:17:54 just to make sure you can make it. Go to Portland. We'll go, we'll do some stuff. If someone comes in from out of town, we will get hammered with you.
Starting point is 00:18:01 We will get hammered with you and you can sleep in the bathtub at my hotel room at the Ace. Tell you what. Even if nobody comes in from out of town, I'll get hammered with whoever's there. Right, right, right. I'd like it. You could be in Maine getting hammered.
Starting point is 00:18:14 We'll be getting hammered with you. I wanted to spend an exit. We had a couple people. We have people starting to send us things. Oh, yeah. Don't stop doing that. And I just want to encourage that. It's the absolute best.
Starting point is 00:18:26 For sure. I strongly encourage that. Last week, Danny, we shouted you out for sending us the salt and straw ice cream. This week, we want to shoot two shout outs. One to our boy, Hanzo. I'm pronouncing that right, I think. Yeah. Who sent us from New Hampshire, who sent us a bunch of pepper
Starting point is 00:18:45 jelly yes and even though david doesn't like sweets with his meat recommend we make a pepper jelly adult pb and j with like bacon on all this shit sounds so good huge shouts to you look for you look for yourself on twitter we're gonna we're gonna send you a special shout out and then another shout out to our to our good friend friend of the pod, Katie Wolf from the Bay Area, who sent us a large amount of queso dip in an effort to, because we were complaining about salsa lids. And we were complaining about the nacho cheese game. Yeah, the nacho cheese game. Those lids are fucking huge.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Yeah, those open up. That's a wide mouth. I get my face in there. Right? Not like the fucking Tostitos where I got one. That one is a cruel trick. Halfway through, you're doomed. That's a wide mouth. I get my face in there. Right? Not like the fucking those testitos where I got one. That one is a cruel trick. Halfway through, you're doomed.
Starting point is 00:19:28 Right? You're doomed. What are you going to do? You don't even get the rest. This is why we need to get people like Trump out of office. All right? So we can stop playing
Starting point is 00:19:36 this fucking political hacky sack back and forth and start focusing on the real issues. Let's get to what really matters. You know what I've done in the past, though, is when it gets really hard,
Starting point is 00:19:44 I just crumble the chips into the queso. Yeah. Eat it like it's cereal what I've done in the past, though, is when it gets really hard, I just crumble the chips into the case. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Eat it like it's cereal. I've got to do it. I've got to do it. I've got to do it.
Starting point is 00:19:51 My mother, St. Sue Carmel, shout out to St. Sue Carmel, has recommended we take a rubber spatula and get it out of there, and that's fine for her. Well,
Starting point is 00:20:00 I would love to get to that point in my life where I'm doing that. I think that that's like, she's a mom, so that's the correct way to do it. It is the correct way to do it. I don't know what a spatula is.
Starting point is 00:20:08 You could hit me in the face with a spatula right now. I might. It's mostly, the whole thing is just bringing in another dirty dish. Yeah. That's the point of it is I'm not making anything dirty by myself. That's the part about chips and dish. I already ate cereal with a spatula. I can't get it dirty.
Starting point is 00:20:24 The milk kept sliding on. They're making cocoa, goddammit, hot cocoa cocoa puffs. Are they? Yeah, yeah. Amazing. I'm sorry. Say that again? Hot cocoa cocoa puffs.
Starting point is 00:20:35 Hot cocoa cocoa puffs? I don't know what you mean. So you take hot cocoa and then you put it in the cocoa? No, they're making like hot cocoa flavored cocoa puffs. Aren't they already? Are they not already? But it's chocolate. They're cocoa puffs. Hot cocoa. Well, Are they not already? But it's chocolate. They're cocoa puffs.
Starting point is 00:20:45 Hot cocoa. Well, like hot chocolate, you know. I'm very confused. I already thought it was that flavor. I thought that was exactly what the flavor was. No, it's just like chocolate flavored. That's what hot cocoa is. Hot is not a flavor.
Starting point is 00:20:57 Cocoa. Hot. Well, like hot chocolate is a different flavor than cocoa puffs. Yeah, because that's cold chocolate. No, it's just hot chocolate. It's cold hot chocolate. Is it? We need to take it up with the goddamn radio today.
Starting point is 00:21:07 Sean, put your shirt back on. If I put my shirt on, the pants are coming off. Where did you get the choice? He pulled a burning Bible out of his pocket. It was on fire when he grabbed it. That's from all that church talk earlier. It was on fire.
Starting point is 00:21:22 He's wearing that thing on his leg from that Tom Brown movie. From Angels and Demons or whatever. The Da Vinci Code. Yeah, the Da Vinci Code. That guy was crazy. Angels and Demons was the only thing I could think of too. His name was like Silas though.
Starting point is 00:21:37 Oh, from the Tom Hanks movie. Yeah, that dude. The Da Vinci Code? I didn't watch it. The book was better. I don't read that movie, so I don't understand the frame of the movie. The Da Vinci Code? I didn't watch it. The book was better. I didn't read it. I don't read books, dude. I don't read books.
Starting point is 00:21:49 You're becoming me like that every day. We've had this talk. Don't you dare put a book in my mouth. Sean, you're supposed to be positive. Unless it was in The Dirt by Motley Crue. Yeah. You did not read it. I will read that.
Starting point is 00:22:00 You did read that. Yeah, I did read The Dirt. At work, where they said we couldn't swear, and they let me read The Dirt by Motley Crue. So major shout-outs to the people for sending us stuff in. And another huge shout-out to Saints2Carmel, who started a new job recently. Oh, she did? Yes. She's left the previous hospital that she was at behind.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Fuck them. And is at a new hospital that appreciates her more. Shout-out to the new hospital. Yeah. Shout-out to Saints2Carmel. Also, I know I just said fuck them. Shout out to the new hospital. Yeah. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Also, I know I just said fuck them. Shout out to my mom, Sarah Bori-Soli.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Yeah. Big fan. Says we curse too much. Yeah. Oh, I said, it's fucking show business, mom. I didn't say that. I didn't say that.
Starting point is 00:22:36 I didn't say that. Now you said it. Shout out to St. Sarah. But now she knows that it's show business so I can just, I can do it. I'm safe in here.
Starting point is 00:22:42 It is show business. It's when I'm in the room with her that I gotta answer for my son. Tell your mother that I'm apologizing for you and your behavior. I appreciate it. She wants it from another African. That means a lot. She wants it from another African. I feel like we didn't plug your album properly.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Solomon's album is available right now from Comedy Central Records. You say the name of it. I was wondering how that's supposed to... The best was watching Conan O'Brien do it. You say the name of it. Because everybody just had a look, I'm like, ooh.
Starting point is 00:23:16 He actually called it Homo Negro Superior. Did he? It's fine. I'm fine with that, but it's actually pronounced Homo Negro Superior. There it is. Because there's an accent. But Homo Negro Superior is fine too. it's just letting letting all the racists and
Starting point is 00:23:28 homophobes out there know that i'm better than you uh in every possible way and if the title didn't do it you see the picture on the front and you're like oh shit i really do need to get my shit together like some type of space churchman i just yelled grace jones like nine times i get it i get it because it feels like that You get more powerful every time you yell Grace Jones. It is dope. So please cop that. You can get it on iTunes.
Starting point is 00:23:52 So pay for it. Yeah. I know you can listen to it on Spotify. It's on Spotify. It's on Google Play. It's all across the board. If you're broke,
Starting point is 00:23:58 spin it on Spotify. I get that. But if you have a few shekels to throw Solomon's away, cop the album. He's dope. Then you can listen to it on the plane. they all i will still all them will still give me money so i'm that's true that's true it's just don't don't be deterred just listen to it in any
Starting point is 00:24:12 way possible and let me make money except for torrent do not do not do not do not do not do not if you do i fully understand because i was that dude at one point in my life and i get it i'm that good and i'm worth it so yeah maybe if you're there maybe if you're, I fully understand because I was that dude at one point in my life, and I get it. I'm that good, and I'm worth it. So, yeah, maybe if you're in that place, I get it. I have torrented a lot of BBC. Beanie needs that money now. Yeah, he needs it. I'm his worst fan.
Starting point is 00:24:37 That was back when he was doing all right, though. You should just send him a check and a card. Hey, Beanie. 40 bucks. 40 bucks, just like, hey, man, you're really worth it. Ego beans. Today we aren't drafting anything. So that's the market.
Starting point is 00:24:50 Dear Lord, we're really good at this point. Today we are drafting, but we have to get to it because it's such a good topic. A long awaited, we are drafting television theme songs. And it is tense. It's going down. It's going down. It is going down.
Starting point is 00:25:06 It's been a long time coming. It's a deeper pool than I thought initially. I came off natural without even doing any research. Just like 15 dope ones that I really wanted. And then you look, you do this little dig and you're like, fuck. That was five years of my life right there. Right? There's also a few shows
Starting point is 00:25:25 that had different, like they had like an earlier theme song and then a later theme song and then you're like, do I like, which one do I take? Do I like Black Ant Viv
Starting point is 00:25:34 or do I like Lightskin Ant Viv? I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't know what that means. It's not for you. I got it, David. Don't you worry. It's not for me.
Starting point is 00:25:44 You can take a long walk off a short with that attitude. Whoa, take that gun out of your hand, pal. Tell me what to do. Again, dude, it's going in my mouth. Two birds right through the back of my skull, my friend. Me and you, last words. Kill each other after Vegas. But this is the first time I think I can actually strategize
Starting point is 00:26:06 I can improvise in the situation I'm like I have backups you're ready for anything Solomon's in the pocket I'm here, I can play D, I can play offense I'm finally in a game you found a list in that suit that you bought they had just a list sitting there
Starting point is 00:26:21 of TV theme shows oh there's so many lists in the baby blue suit. You have no idea. I just had this really long list of where I can get the finest gelato in town. Oh, I bet. That is a gelato suit for sure. Or like crazy shave ice. Like pomegranate shave ice.
Starting point is 00:26:40 That's an early evening cappuccino suit too. Oh, geez. That's what they used to call me. Early evening cappuccino suit, too. That's what they used to call me. Early evening cappuccinos. I think, first of all, I think you guys all need to have suits in pastel. I was just talking to my mom about this. I do need a pastel suit. I have two suits, none pastel, but listen, I'll buy one tonight.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Go pastel. Let's go be men about town. Could have probably bought one for what I paid to rent it. Yeah, see? Next move is buying a suit. What did he tell you that? Sean, talk to me what I paid to rent it. Yeah, see? Next move is buying a suit. I wanted to tell you that. Long way down. How much does Sears suck a car at?
Starting point is 00:27:08 My suit that I wore on Conan? $200. There you go. Really? That would have been cheaper than you had. Really? $200. This fucking suit.
Starting point is 00:27:15 $200. I'm going to get this jacket and the pants. Off the rack. Fitting me like a glove. $200. From Uniqlo or like a- It was from Zara you should tell them that you did this podcast
Starting point is 00:27:28 and wore their suit on yeah sure you just did I just did guys let's just let's go to the game we're like 40 minutes in the three
Starting point is 00:27:43 the order of the draft will be determined by a rollicky game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you you go and shoot so here we go we're going to jump into it rock paper scissors shoot oh wait no Solomon he threw it but he won anyway he threw scissors and you both threw paper
Starting point is 00:27:58 he did he threw it first and he beat us that's right I think you got to give it to him for that you guys saw what I did I was looking at you going scissors what doesn't beat scissors paper I think you got to give it to him for that. You guys saw what I did. I literally saw him do it. I was looking at you. Scissors. What doesn't beat scissors? Papers.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Solomon, go first. I will. I mean, if anyone insists on doing a read-through. No, no, no, no. That's fair. Now, Solomon, you determine the order of the draft. I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. Now, what is that?
Starting point is 00:28:18 That's a great question. Sure. Well, let's say Solomon were walking to an ice cream shop and pick out the flavors that he was going to bring to everybody to sell later that day. And on the right side, there was like a nice kind of mint bonbon situation. And on the left side, there was like a rainbow sherbet
Starting point is 00:28:31 and he just was kind of going back and forth, back and forth, looking at either. And then just copped them both and sold them to everyone outside of Kona. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:38 I like that you are flipping ice cream in this scenario. Yeah. Because you're spreading good vibes. I want to, oh man, I want to just. And you were kind of sick. You didn't, you had a sore throat. So maybe the ice cream in this scenario. I like it too. Because you're spreading good vibes. I want to, oh man, I want to just. And you were kind of sick,
Starting point is 00:28:46 you had a sore throat, so maybe the ice cream helped you too. That would be my favorite party if I was just handing out soft serve to kids. Here you go.
Starting point is 00:28:53 There you are. I liked everything but the way you pronounced sherbet. Is there not sherbet? Is there not in the second R? I don't know. Is there not in the,
Starting point is 00:29:00 there's not a second R. It's actually sorbet, you heathens. You godless pig, it's sorbet. I can't stay. There's not a second R. It's actually sorbet, you heathens. You godless pig. It's sorbet. I can't stay mad at you. Solomon, what will the order of the draft be today? This is a tough choice.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Today. Because being first means I have the first pick, which is really handy. But being last means I can do a double pick and just do a whammy. Such is the serpent. That's what I've been thinking about that all day. This is actually the hardest decision, but I think this time, based on my first pick,
Starting point is 00:29:28 I want to go first. Okay. Okay. I want to go first. Okay. And it's a really good pick. Wait, wait, you have to pick the full order. You go first.
Starting point is 00:29:38 I thought we were just going to do Super Teen, so I just assumed. You can do it, but you can pick whatever that order is going to be. It can zigzag, it can circle, it can do whatever you want. You know what? I want Ian to follow up.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Damn it. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. And then Sean. Damn it. David. Ah, damn it. Fucking A. I'm not going to.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Because I think David is a main competition kind of thing. I want to. Oh, I know. There's so many. Fuck. All right. Nope. It's going to be okay.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Okay. All right, Solomon. with the first pick. I'm going for something iconic. Okay. A very choice one. Thank you for being a friend. I called it last night. There was no way it was getting out of the first round.
Starting point is 00:30:21 That is so good. What did we do last time? Because you golden girls, you picked that golden girl last time. It's a perfect song, it's true. You're a pal and a confidant. Sure, sure, sure, sure. And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me.
Starting point is 00:30:43 And the card attached would say, thank you for being a friend. That song is so good. I've been looking forward to this all day long. It's singing these songs. I'm so happy I let it out. That could be our show's theme song. It could be any show's theme song. It could be any show's theme song.
Starting point is 00:31:02 It's the best. Yeah. It's so good. What a good solid message, too. Thank you for being a friend. It's a great theme song with an even greater show behind it. Yes. It's such a-
Starting point is 00:31:11 It's a joke machine. You taught me that. Oh, man. It is joke after joke after joke. And progressive. A lot of very good, very interesting. Like when the lady comes and her husband died and then she's a lesbian. Oh, yeah? Oh, my God then she's a lesbian. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:31:25 Oh, my God. It's so good. So good. But there's the three funniest moments throughout the entire season. The three times in the whole series, Rose Nyland calls Dorothy Spornack a bitch. And it is the most hilarious. It is a hard drop. And it's so funny because the character is just like, you just feel it in the most hilarious. It is a hard drop. And it's so funny because the character is just like, you just feel it in the air.
Starting point is 00:31:49 And Betty White does it so well that you feel like she's just calling Bea Arthur directly. She might have been. Yeah, they weren't friends. Really? In real life, yeah. Oh, there was some beef. Well, no, just Bea Arthur did not talk to Betty White. Really?
Starting point is 00:32:04 At all, yeah. I could see that. Oh, by the way, I am, when it comes to the Golden Girls, I have a very strong knowledge. Sure. Yeah. Why didn't they talk? Oh, yeah, go on. They don't, they never talked.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Bea Arthur also didn't talk. Like, she's like, you don't need to know. This is none of your business. But her best friend in real life, Angela Lansbury. What? Really? Angela Lansbury and Bea Arthur were homies from back in the day. They starred on Broadway on Mame together.
Starting point is 00:32:30 That's crazy. They just met at the Stoic Dinner Club. I was also, I was on a plane with Angela Lansbury. Were you? Yeah. And Dulce Sloan. You had to know that thing wasn't going to- Like three months ago.
Starting point is 00:32:40 That's not going to crash. No, yeah, that can't go down. God is not taking Angela Lansbury. No, no, no. That plane's going to float down. It's not gonna crash no yeah that plane's gonna float down it's not gonna even she will die in a heavily perfumed room yeah oh yeah oh yeah it's gonna smell like roses it is it's gonna be amazing yeah but yeah it is quite possibly yeah just joke after joke it's so solid and the best this is also a thing that i like to teach people when people are like what's the difference between shade and like a like reading somebody yeah uh shade is what uh uh blanche does oh she's good at it and she's so she's just like catty exactly but she's just like
Starting point is 00:33:17 you guys will never be as pretty as you guys should know you're not as pretty as me it's like yeah she says stuff like that but But reading, directly insulting somebody, that's what Sophia and Dorothy do. You bitch. Yeah. You bitch. Por ejemplo. You bitch.
Starting point is 00:33:34 You bitch. You bitch. Mitch Hurwitz, creator of Arrested Development and like many other shows, started on Golden Girls. Yeah? That was, yeah. He was one of the writers on Golden Girls. That was what, yeah. He was one of the writers on that show.
Starting point is 00:33:48 They had a dream team of writers. Insane. It's a joke machine. It's so funny. But that's not what we're talking about. No. That song, though, is incredible. It just makes you feel good.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Because it's so sweet. It's so endearing. That's the nicest thing you can say to your pal, your buddy, your friend. Sure. Thank you. So it was a thank you for being a friend. It's a song written by Andrew Gold, who recorded it for his third album, All This and Heaven Too. Oh, God, yeah. And the song reached number 25
Starting point is 00:34:13 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 78. America didn't know what it had. It didn't know. We had to put it into context. And then it was re-recorded by Cynthia Fee, who is known for working with Kenny Rogers to be the theme song on Golden Girls. So it was originally recorded by some dude. She took it, made it way better, and then it became the iconic song that we know and love now.
Starting point is 00:34:33 Her voice is heavenly. Yeah, I can't imagine that dude. I just can't imagine it being better than once. It wouldn't be that good if I heard a man singing that song. No. I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When I watch that show, I like to think that Blanche wrote that song when No. I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I like to, when I watch that show, I like to think that Blanche wrote that song
Starting point is 00:34:48 when she was like 22. Oh. And it's just like a young Blanche singing it. Yeah, I could see that. That's what you're, that, I would actually would watch.
Starting point is 00:34:56 Young Blanche? I would happily watch. By the way, get Hollywood on the phone. Fuck young Sheldon. Oh, young Blanche. Young Blanche. Yo, yo.
Starting point is 00:35:04 Just like debutante. It could not be on CBS. Young Blanche. You're in the South. Debutante. It could not be on CBS. It wouldn't. It would be on Showtime, baby. We might have to put it on Showtime. Premium. That's a premium game we're playing. Speaking of which, I just upgraded us to Showtime at the crib, or to premium at the crib.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Get out of town. Oh, shit. So I could get NBA. So now just- You guys got League Pass? Oh, yeah. I got League Pass. Got NBA TV.
Starting point is 00:35:24 Let's really be done with the podcast. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying. The crib has been upgraded. Man, that's my first pick. Hell yeah. Amazing pick. That's a perfect pick.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Thank you for being a friend. Love it. So good. Got to cross that off my list. Yeah, absolutely. I imagine we're all crossing it off. We're going to be. There's a lot of crossing off.
Starting point is 00:35:39 I'm very glad I got to go first. Whatever, dude. So I'm up with my first pick. Let's hear it. I had to go first. Whatever, dude. So I'm up with my first pick. Let's hear it. I had to get it. A lot of the songs on this list will have a lot of words in it. My first pick really only has two words. The words are the and Simpsons.
Starting point is 00:35:59 So of course I'm picking the theme from Family Guy. Family Guy. Family Guy. Family Guy. I hope nobody was going to pick that. I don't think anybody was. Although I will say, and this is a quick tangent, Family Guy I feel like catches a little more shit than it deserves. I think Family Guy is awesome.
Starting point is 00:36:15 It's like the Dane Cook of TV shows. It's 100% the Dane Cook of TV. Those first few seasons. Still funny. I'm not going to lie. I will watch it. I watch it all the time. Halfway through, I'm like, you son of a bitch. You guys shouldn't do that. But at the end, I'm like, I'm fine. I'm not gonna lie I will watch it I watch it all the time and like halfway through I'm like
Starting point is 00:36:26 you son of a bitch you guys shouldn't do that but I'm like at the end I'm like I'm fine they were some pretty funny jokes yeah
Starting point is 00:36:31 they got some funny stuff in there so do the theme song for us the simpson Ollie. You know what I'm talking about? That's where he hits the Ollie. So that Ollie, Frank Harada, an old professional skateboarder, used to live next to Matt Groening, and he was the influence behind that Ollie onto the car. Was he really? That's why Bart skates.
Starting point is 00:37:16 That is a deep cut, Sean Jordan. I know it from a Frank Harada interview, not from a Matt Groening interview. You don't have to qualify. Well, you know. Yeah, that's fine. I know Matt Groening listens religiously, so I just don't want him to get upset. He's a big fan of the pod. I met Matt Groening once.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Really? What'd you do when you met him? I was there with... Forgive me if I've told the story in the pod before. I don't think I have. I was having dinner. It was one of our first dates. Me and my now defunct girlfriend. More fun weather than saying X. My former girlfriend, current very good friend, Amanda Armstrong and I.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Who is super cool. Thank you very much. Yeah, calm down, Sean. Thank you very much. Nice to meet you. Once in my heart, forever in my heart. You know what I mean? Sure.
Starting point is 00:37:57 You guys are having some bittles. We're eating at Paley's Place in Portland, which is a really good restaurant. Shout out to Vitaly Paley, the godfather of the Portland New Food Movement. And we- Had to be a godfather of it. A man comes toddling down the street. It's a street. And I see him.
Starting point is 00:38:15 He comes toddling. He's a toddler. I saw him off in the distance. I squinted. I'm like, that can't be Matt Granite. Can't be. Can't be Matt Granite. Couldn't be.
Starting point is 00:38:21 And then I started thinking. I mean, we're- And by the way, Paley's Place is in the Alphabet District of Portland. Where? Which has streets known as Flanders, Lovejoy, Quimby. Burnside, Montgomery Park. Yeah, Montgomery Burnside.
Starting point is 00:38:33 So these are the streets. Portland is really weird. It is weird. They're keeping it that way. These are the streets where Matt Granite got the names for the characters. These streets have always been named that. Yeah, that's where. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:42 I didn't know he was from Portland. Oh, he's from, yeah, he went to Lincoln High School in Portland. Okay. He also lived in Seattle, too. No idea. We don't talk about that. No. The dark years, dude.
Starting point is 00:38:52 He was going through rehab. So he's walking down the street, and it is him. He comes into the restaurant we're eating at, and he goes and, like, sits down, and I'm, like, shook, right? Oh, yeah. I am, like, I've only been shook twice. It was back running, and then the sports writer, Bill? Oh yeah. I am like, I've only been shook twice. It was Matt Granning and then the sports writer,
Starting point is 00:39:06 Bill Simmons. And then he, which people might think I'm lame for that, but whatever. You're heroes, you're heroes. And she's like not phased at all.
Starting point is 00:39:18 And I'm like, I don't want to do the thing where like, are you Matt Granning and then it's not. And then I'm like, I have to go back. Okay, I'm going to go eat
Starting point is 00:39:22 my pheasant or whatever the fuck. So she goes up and like introduces herself it is him and then she comes back and tells me like fully confidently and then I get even more shook because now you gotta
Starting point is 00:39:34 double back I gotta go back I go to the bathroom I come out of it and like I'm just like I just wanted to introduce myself I'm such
Starting point is 00:39:41 like your workman I wouldn't be a comedian without you blah blah blah. And he introduced me to his sister, Maggie, who's, like, the character's named after. Yeah. And she had, like, read some, I used to write a column for the paper in Portland. And she, like, read my column.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Yeah. And, like, all the shit. It was so dope. Oh, baby Maggie. Yeah. I met baby Maggie. Yeah. Man. So,. Oh, baby Maggie. Yeah. I met baby Maggie. Yeah. Man.
Starting point is 00:40:06 So anyway, that was amazing. The theme song, equally amazing. Composed by Danny Elfman from Oingo Boingo. By the way, Danny Elfman, his fingers are all over this town. They are all over this town. He does everything. He knows his way around some music. Also, shout out to Oingo Boingo.
Starting point is 00:40:22 Yeah. Only a lad. I used to kill it on Guitar Hero. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. to Kill It on Guitar Hero. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just only that song, though. You were a specialist. The only song. You were a reliever. They called you the surgeon when you were playing that song.
Starting point is 00:40:35 That one song, yeah. But that's a solid theme song. Yeah, it's really bouncy. It's kind of harmless. I think it fits The Simpsons really, really well. I mean, at this point, after 20 whatever seasons, it's so intrinsically part of it that it's hard to separate the two. But, like, it's uplifting. It's not serious. It's goofy.
Starting point is 00:40:52 It's fun. And you always get that original closer for each episode. Yes. And that's the great thing. Like, I always, whenever I hear the song, I'm like, I can walk away for a little bit and then I can run back. Got to be back by the end of it. They get on the couch. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:41:07 And it's like, I mean, Pavlov's Dogbat song. When I hear that, I'm like, get comfy. You're not going anywhere for 22 minutes. Get comfy. Get comfy. Take a seat. Yeah, so I just love that song. But yeah, Elfman all over the place.
Starting point is 00:41:21 Did the Batman theme and all this other shit. God, just bacon dope music. I think he did. Oh, I don't want to say this because we might pick it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's another one he did. He may come up again. So yeah, that's my first pick.
Starting point is 00:41:34 The Simpsons. Okay. There it is. Chantel Jordan. My first pick is going to be, I don't rap a lot. I know it sounds like I should. You do rap a lot. I don't. Don lot I know it sounds like I should You do rap a lot I don't
Starting point is 00:41:46 I mean I like Don't lie to us I like to get people presents So yeah I rap a lot Yeah But I don't like spit a lot You know Yeah
Starting point is 00:41:53 Now this is a story All about how My life got flipped Turned upside down Now I'd like to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became The prince of a town called Bel-Air
Starting point is 00:42:02 Here's what I'm saying Bonus points. Do you know the extra verse? I was looking at you for the extra verse. I was going to cheat last night and learn it, but I didn't want to sell everybody short and sound like a fake. No, that's fake because I didn't know it before this. I was just happy that I knew there was one. I didn't until earlier on this podcast.
Starting point is 00:42:21 Do you know the extra part of the verse? I begged and pleaded with her day after day, but she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way. She gave me a kiss and they gave me my ticket. I put my Walkman on and said, I might as well kick it. First class, yo, this is bad. Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass. Is this what the people of Bel-Air are living like?
Starting point is 00:42:39 Hmm, I might be all right. Yeah. The extra verse. Then he dated Tyra Banks.rovert then he dated Tyra Banks yeah then he dated Tyra Banks yeah immediately thereafter
Starting point is 00:42:47 yeah that's a great that's like everybody knows everyone knows it I feel like everybody within 10 years of me older or younger yep
Starting point is 00:42:56 100% knows it and then 20 years most likely knows it yeah first thing that popped into my head it's just it's just fantastic
Starting point is 00:43:03 like it's a good song it's uplifting it's fun yeah. Like it's a, it's a good song. It's uplifting. It's fun. Yeah. It tells you the story of the show. Yeah. It's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:43:12 In a catchy way. It doesn't get old. And also I wish fights were like that. If you just pissed off three, like huge dudes on the playground and they just spin you around a little bit. Now you're kind of dizzy. Don't talk to my girl again. That's like,
Starting point is 00:43:24 that's the, that was, that'd be the funnest fight that ever happened in Philadelphia. One of the shitty things about writing TV shows and pilots and stuff like that is you want to give all the backstory for it. That's what you're tempted to do when you're like, okay, well, this first episode is going to sort of set everything up. You don't have to do that on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. We knew. It's all right there in the opening song.
Starting point is 00:43:43 If you watch the first episode, he knocks on,ffrey opens the door from when he knocks on it yeah yeah yeah every show should be like that i think so yeah save us time save us a little bit of time right yeah i don't need to watch the fucking pilot let me hop in the middle um yeah there's some god i don't want to talk about other shows but like yeah it's like yeah it's directly what's happening. You know, everything you need to know. And it introduced us to Smell You Later. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:10 And that handshake. I still see dipshits doing that today. I'm like, you don't get to do it. They're not dipshits. They're cool dudes, John. Those are cool guys having a good time. They're cool guys. You don't get to do it.
Starting point is 00:44:20 Oh, here it is. It's like the young pope had had that, where it was like, this is a story all about... Cool. Now I can hop in season two. Also, can I just say, I'm wearing a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air t-shirt. Oh, yeah, it is. It's a Beavis and Butthead Fresh Prince of Bel-Air shirt. Yeah, Fresh Prince of Butthead is what I call it.
Starting point is 00:44:41 Is that from your Legality of it is Sketchy t-shirt website? Yeah, my gray area t-shirt. Yeah, yeah. They got a lot of stuff that's copyrighted that they sell. They put out gray shirts. Yeah, they do good work. They do. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Do you go there a lot? It's online. Okay. But yeah, usually. I'll just go there and longingly look at all these shirts. I do it. I do it a lot. Longingly.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Luke Longingly. I was doing it at the airport today. I was thinking that. That was about to come out of my mouth. Luke Long a lot. Longingly. If I'm in airports, I was doing it at the airport today. I was thinking that. That was about to come out of my mouth. There it is. So yeah, Fresh Prince of Belle Isle. That is great. I'm also taking that off of my list.
Starting point is 00:45:15 That was a good one. I can't believe I got it. I was pretty excited about that. So who wrote that song? I don't know. Do I have to know who wrote these songs? I'm kidding. You don't know who wrote? Jeffrey? I don't know. Do I have to know who wrote these songs? I'm kidding. Go on. Go on. You don't know who wrote?
Starting point is 00:45:27 Jeffrey Townsend. Danny Johnson wrote that song. You guys probably never heard of Danny Johnson. Daniel Johnston. Came up in Brooklyn. Yeah, Daniel Johnston wrote it. And then Kurt Cobain wore a Daniel Johnston shirt on the BMAs in 1992. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:42 I maybe would have taken it in the fifth round. Really? I just thought it would be the first song Not you, but I kind of thought you'd No, because I knew you were going to take Golden Girls Golden Girls is where I'd go first You would have taken it, David, I'm pointing at David David would have taken it if I did That was a good move
Starting point is 00:45:57 I would do a Black sitcom second Because I know that's not a surefire win You have to go for the fucking Mainstream and then go for the... I figured that was like the crossover. Fresh Prince was the crossover of both. That was a popular show, man. It was a very popular show.
Starting point is 00:46:11 And it was syndication. Like, our age, our whole group. I watch Fresh Prince of Bel-Air every day. I've probably seen every episode. I can tell you what's going on within three minutes of the episode starting. Every single episode. I don't want to say any other shows, but there's other syndicated shows that are corny and they don't hold up.
Starting point is 00:46:27 And Fresh Prince is still dope. Oh, especially the first half. Oh, yeah. The latter half, when he goes to college and stuff, I still like it. But the first half of when Aunt Viv gets back in the dance. Oh, my God. That scene. And he's a good actor.
Starting point is 00:46:40 When Carlton gets shot, that's Will Smith's actual good actor. Can I just say four words? Yeah yeah how come he don't want me seriously see him on my you can see there's goosebumps on my arm oh I'm like I feel warm if I need to cry seriously watch that scene I do need to cry sometimes it's so good I cry all the fucking time I had myself a cry the other night. Did you? Yeah, I put on, I just started watching, went to YouTube and looked up faith in humanity videos.
Starting point is 00:47:10 Oh, that's a good idea. What I'm thinking is that girl that gets her cochlear implants and can hear for the first time. Oh my God, that'll get me. No, she's like a grown woman with tattoos and shit, like has not heard. She's like 25 and she can hear for the first time. Yeah. Yeah, I just watched one today of a baby getting hearing aids
Starting point is 00:47:25 and hearing his mom. Oh, shit, man. It's getting misty in here. I'll just put on some of those and we'll just go cry for like 10 minutes. I don't think that's a bad idea. I think it's good for you. I'm actually going to try it.
Starting point is 00:47:38 You guys try it out there too on TV Land. Yeah, let us know. Probably the first time, the thing that made me cry, like cry laughing the most is the scene where him, where Will Smith
Starting point is 00:47:49 and Carlton dance to Apache. Oh God, it's so funny. Bing, bing, bing. And then Aunt Viv comes in and she says,
Starting point is 00:47:57 Carlton, and he says, Mommy, and covers his lip. Yes, Mommy. I'm telling you, I'm like a surgeon with this dude.
Starting point is 00:48:04 He's such a good I'm surgical Jake how you want it you want a DVD laser disc yeah that show is the best show I don't love
Starting point is 00:48:13 Will Smith as a rapper as much as I do love him as an actor well they did it in Dope already but Summertime is a classic it is good
Starting point is 00:48:20 other than that the song is great also that song Boom Shake the Room. No, I don't like anything else. It's cool. I feel like Not Like Will Smith is a tired opinion, and I'm ashamed of myself for having it. They say Nas wrote Big Willie style.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Did he really? Well, if you listen to him, it's like a Nas-type flow. Oh, yeah. Also, if you're going to tell me Miami isn't a good song, you can be honest with me. That's a great hook. Wild Wild West is catchy. I learned- Parents Just Don't Understand.
Starting point is 00:48:49 Nightmare on My Street. Nightmare on My Street is a great- That is a good song. I think it's because I loved him so fully as an actor before I even ever tried to get into the rap. Also, none of us are talking about the disgrace that was Will Enium. Will Enium was weird. Big Willie style.
Starting point is 00:49:03 Okay. Will Enium was bad. You know, I believe that's what-ennium. Will-ennium was weird. Big Willie style, okay, Will-ennium was bad. That's what made Trump happen. Will-ennium? I think that that's what started it. He wouldn't have been president in a millennium. No. You get a Will-ennium, yeah. But at least we were spared the Will-i-ennium. With small things to be thankful for.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Of X-Men fame, Will-i-am. Will.i.am. Will.i.am, yes. David, it's time for your first and then second picks. So my first pick, I got to go with, so I was looking at it, and it's like basically the songs I like to sing the loudest, because I'm loud, we know that. Sure.
Starting point is 00:49:38 And the first one I'm going with is the Family Matters theme song. Oh! I wanted that one so bad. I had to get Oh! I don't want to know. I had to get it. That's why I was scared that you would first. I should have done it. I was sitting here like, do I want to go last? I never heard you make that sound.
Starting point is 00:49:52 I want that song! I love it so much. Get it started. How does it start? It's a real raspy voice, right? It's a rare condition in this day and age to read any good news on a newspaper page. Love in addition to the grand design, some people say it's even harder to find.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Well, then there must be some magic inside these gentle arms. Because all I see is a tower of dreams real love bursting out of every seam please go back we're gonna fill our hearts with gladness
Starting point is 00:50:37 no, don't stop it's the best man, I don't even know you know how some people have some shit, and you just think about all the greatest parts of America? Uh-huh. That's what that song does for me. And the intro, and it's just like the grandma's reading
Starting point is 00:50:53 the Rolling Stone in the intro, and then it has them all riding their bikes through Chicago. Fuck, man. That's a perfect. It's perfect. You just can't beat it. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick.
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Starting point is 00:52:49 bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five star reviews on Google, Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you
Starting point is 00:53:33 could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. It might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can
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Starting point is 00:54:59 You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule 35.co. That's 15% off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all fantasy. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne.
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Starting point is 00:57:35 Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. It's so good. It's so good. It's called As Days Go By by a man named Jesse Frederick. Did he do another? He did other theme songs too. I'm looking them up right now. Did you know he actually also wrote.
Starting point is 00:57:54 We probably shouldn't say them because other people are going to. That's true. Oh yeah. Oh he did. Yeah. He did do a banger. He did a few bangers. A couple bangers.
Starting point is 00:58:02 He did like. He's like. He was the go to. What a guy to be. Whoa, look at him. I know. You don't know what you think he looks like? I got to see what he looks like.
Starting point is 00:58:10 It's like seeing my dad for the first time. Dude, I don't know if you're ready to see what he looks like. I don't know. It's like the first time I saw him. Let's hear what you think he looks like. First, I want to hear what you think he looks like. It's like asking me what does God look like. There's not a face on it.
Starting point is 00:58:23 Okay, so this guy doesn't have a face. No, I imagine him to look like. I'm going to give you four options as to what what does God look like. There's not a face on it. Okay, so this guy doesn't have a face. No, I imagine him to look like. I'm going to give you four options as to what you think he looks like. Hefty. I'm giving you four options. Does he look like sort of like a. First, like a Barry White is what I want. Hefty, like he could walk into any bar in New Orleans and start like sit down at the piano and he'd be able to fit in with any band.
Starting point is 00:58:43 That's option A. Okay. sit down at the piano, and he'd be able to fit in with any band. That's option A. Okay. B, does he look like he runs a sort of a clover honey farm in New England? You don't even have to say anything else. He just owns it. He's not there all the time.
Starting point is 00:58:56 Well, he's got other stuff. He has other – that's not his main job, but he bought it, and that's kind of what he likes to do, get away on the weekends. He likes to wear a thick wool sweater and go do that. Okay. And go do that okay yeah does he look like he really got into wesley snipes's character from demolition man like a little like a little too much in the 80s kind of like he's in that band cameo yeah yeah yeah he saw that really like adopted that as a style that could have been and uh maybe simon phoenix
Starting point is 00:59:23 is a character from yeah Immersion Man. Oh, yeah, yeah. Simon Phoenix? Sort of held onto it too long. I'm talking about like one earring. Uh-huh. One heavy earring. Like a pirate hoop. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:33 Touches his shoulder kind of. Right, yeah. Or does he just sort of look like you'd see him at maybe like a hometown buffet. Maybe like the hometown buffet you recently got recognized at. Shout out hometown buffet. Sitting across from you stuffed into some Dockers
Starting point is 00:59:49 and it's like, holy shit, that's the guy who wrote the Family Matters theme? Oh my god. I'm gonna go. Which of those four? I think Clover Farm. You're 100% right. That is a Clover Farm. He's Clover Farm. I see. Oh shit, that's what I thought it was. Oh, he looks like he invented Nantucket nectar.
Starting point is 01:00:07 He does. Oh, my God. Exactly. I'm so glad I nailed that. Holy shit. You really nailed it. For some reason, I could feel it in my heart. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:16 I could feel it in my heart. But also, the way you described it felt so natural. I could taste the honey. It felt right. I could taste the honey. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what he did with his mommy. I bet that is what he did. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:26 He's got that honey money. He was, they really brought him as like a specialist for it. Like I'm looking at the list right now of the theme songs. I'm not going to say any, but like that he worked on. Here's my question. Yeah. Where is that dude's biopic? Where is that dude's biopic?
Starting point is 01:00:38 That's what I want to see. He probably just lived a very boring middle of the road life. Yeah. No, I bet it's sexy. And these songs are just in his heart. These songs are just... Maybe he couldn't express himself in any other way. I bet he never told his kids he loved them.
Starting point is 01:00:52 Yeah. He's just like... What if he's just unhappy? Because the first thing he starts off with, it's a rare condition. Yeah. This day and age of reading the good news. He's getting it. Wow.
Starting point is 01:01:01 Wow. Low note. Low note. Low note. I think that he couldn't express himself. And when he died, his kids were like, I don't even care. I don't care about my dad. He didn't love me.
Starting point is 01:01:10 Yeah, he's a jingle guy. But he was mean to us. And he left a letter. And he said, this is you. All these theme songs are how I felt about you, my children. Oh, man. He's still alive, by the way. OK.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Well, when he dies. I'm just going to say say You know the tragedy of Jesse Frederick He probably got into music He wanted to be like Somebody who put out albums And he's Not even arguable
Starting point is 01:01:36 I think he's the most successful TV theme composer Of all time And he probably wasn't that happy about it You know what I bet bet he fucking loved it. I hope you're right. You don't have that wind-swept hair look if you're not loving life. That's true.
Starting point is 01:01:49 That's a content man. You're not loving life. The wind doesn't sweep sad hair. It's true. Yeah, that is... It just stays down and matters. The wind doesn't sweep sad hair. It's true.
Starting point is 01:02:00 It's true. Fucking etch that into a temple. This wind isn't for the melancholy. This podcast is free. This is a free podcast. This has been everything I've wanted. One round in and I'm so happy. David, it's time for your second pick.
Starting point is 01:02:19 So my second pick, another back in the day TV show. I don't ever know the beginning but when it picks up in the middle i always get it yeah but this coupled with what the intro of the show was was so beautiful i'm going growing pains oh i know i forgot about growing show me that smile show me that smile don't waste another minute on your crying We're going near the, you know we're near the Best is ready to begin As long as we got each other We got the world spinning right in our hands baby
Starting point is 01:03:00 We're gonna shine all the time We got each other all the time. We got each other sharing the laughter and the love. Marry me. I want to have a baby with anybody right now. If there's not a song about domestic bliss more than that, I haven't heard it. It's so beautiful.
Starting point is 01:03:19 And then when you watch the intro, it shows all the kids and the parents going from like children to adults it's like i just want a family i just want a fucking family when i walk first of all i should i this is the reason why i wish i had that double pick now because when you did this to me i'm now so upset because these are these are you're moving out by the way by the way two two weeks in a row with my roommates. Yeah, it's just fuck, man.
Starting point is 01:03:48 It's so good. It's so good. You feel so... Like, it's another thing. There's another song that I feel like it does... It's not as literal as Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but it does show you what... This is what this is going to be. However, I'll say this. The theme song is for sure better than the show.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Yes. The theme song is for sure better than the show. the theme song is for sure better than the show Alan Thicke though Alan Thicke is great he's a great TV dad Kirk Cameron was pretty but there was nothing I didn't give a shit about that character that was his show his friend was Boner
Starting point is 01:04:18 Boner was his every episode they were like what Boner yeah I think we need to do a fucking big shout out to all the psychic characters out there in the world who are just barely thriving waldo faldo maxine oh six six six jenna von oi yeah like all the psychic characters live in first of all all the stories are much better than the actual main storyline yeah six like six was crazy our parents are neglecting us yeah yeah i live in my neighbor's house that is where the the writers
Starting point is 01:04:51 would like go in to be like i'm not just a fucking sitcom writer you know yeah like fucking sean from boy meets world jesus christ he had to live with his teacher. Real name Ryder Strong. Ryder Strong. Ryder Strong. Real name is debatable. Yeah, that's at least his name. If I was 15 and had cool hair and was a white kid in 93, they'd be like, name yourself. There was some point after Puggy Brewster that they were like, the main character can't be the sad story anymore.
Starting point is 01:05:17 The psychic character gets a sad story. And they could make him super sad. Yeah. The teenager who lives in a fucking box outside. We have too many orphan kids. We're going to do these real families with these happy choice. But this weird ass kid that lives next door is going to be really sad. The next door neighbor kid was always like, you don't understand, Corey.
Starting point is 01:05:36 Totally. He'd wear a leather jacket and it'd be cool. But he's like, you don't understand what comes with this leather jacket. Sean always talks about living in the trailer park, which if you watch that show now, you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. You'd be like, we're going to kidnap some kids and take them to the trailer park. I feel like each one of them had a suicide storyline.
Starting point is 01:05:54 Yeah. Very sad. Oh, yeah. People dying. I wasn't happy. Poor Boner. I feel like he got caught stealing. Poor Boner.
Starting point is 01:06:01 Poor Boner. Poor Boner. The theme was written by and performed by BJ Thomas. Okay. Who's known for that, you know that song, Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head? Oh. Raindrops keep falling on my head. Alan Thicke also wrote a theme song, but not for that show.
Starting point is 01:06:15 No. What was it? You know who should have watched a little bit? Oh, I know who it is. Okay. You know who should have looked it up? Should we say it? No, don't say it.
Starting point is 01:06:21 Okay. Well, I'm probably going to choose it. Oh, yeah. We'll wait. We'll wait. It's in my reserves, so, don't say it. Okay. Well, I'm probably going to choose it. Oh, yeah. It's in my reserves. It's in my reserves, so I don't want to. Also, maybe Robin Thicke could have stand to watch a little more. A little more wholesome programming. A little more family values for that guy.
Starting point is 01:06:36 A little more of those family values. That's why Robin's the way he is, because Alan was putting all his effort into fucking growing pains. Robin's at home watching Red Shoe Diaries. In Canada. Red Shoe Diaries. I Canada? Red Shoe Diaries. I was watching Red Shoe Diaries. Shout out to everybody's first movie they saw.
Starting point is 01:06:53 Yeah, shout out to Duchovny. Common David. But yeah, Growing Pains. I love it. I love it coupled with the intro. Really just makes me feel. Beautiful pick. Sean, it is time for your second beautiful pick.
Starting point is 01:07:06 What would you do if I sang out of tune? Boom, boom. Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song. I was trying not to sing. Oh, man. I need help from my friends. I wish you guys could have seen his face.
Starting point is 01:07:37 Sean went full Joe Cocker. He did go full Joe Cocker. He went full Cocker. Sometimes you don't come back from that. I couldn't be a musician. I'd cry at every show. I couldn't do it. That song is so good. I don't care what anyone thinks. I couldn't be a musician. I'd cry at every show. I couldn't do it. That song is so good.
Starting point is 01:07:48 I don't care what anyone thinks. Better than the Beatles version. Yes! 100%! Fight you to street. 100%! I'm the biggest Beatles stan of my age group. And I will happily admit that Joe Cocker's version is the superior one. It's so guttural.
Starting point is 01:08:03 Have you guys seen it live? When he does it live? Yeah. Or when Belushi did it. Belushi's version is better than the Beatles. That song? Yes. When Joe Cocker does that song, it's kind of like that dude in Indiana Jones when he reaches in and grabs his heart with his bare hands. Oh, yeah. Joe Cocker's doing that with the lyrics, and he's not ripping it out.
Starting point is 01:08:18 He's just massaging it. He was, man. And as an intro song, you wouldn't think, but then when you watch it, because remember the one of your intro had like the like it looked like the film yeah like a like home movies yeah and it was just like I always remember like Paul waving
Starting point is 01:08:33 into it and then like Winnie Cooper tossing the ball to Kevin that shit was good man it's probably the only Lennon McCartney song that's gonna end up on this list that was a good gift yeah good yeah my mom when she when she heard about those rumors that Paul was It's probably the only Lennon-McCartney song that's going to end up on this list. That was a good guess. Yeah. It's a good. Yeah. My mom, when she heard about those rumors that Paul was Marilyn Manson.
Starting point is 01:08:50 Oh, sure. She was the one. She goes, you know, Paul's Marilyn Manson. And he had one of his ribs removed so he could blow himself. Your mom said that. My mom said that to me. That's hilarious. That was insane. That's so funny.
Starting point is 01:09:00 And I'm like, I go, mom, boy, I'd bet dollars to donuts that none of that's true. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. But I'm just guessing. That was her first hot gossip she got her hands on with the internet. God, life over the internet was dope. Yeah, you could just say shit. You could just say stuff.
Starting point is 01:09:15 I would have loved to have had that job. If there was just the Office of Believable Conspiracy Theories, and you would just sit there and like, I don't know, like a shadowy government figure just pays you to come up with believable shit and then you infiltrate like
Starting point is 01:09:28 like I'm pretty sure they took like one 10 year old kid who was a little too tall and had like half a mustache and told him that Mountain Dew
Starting point is 01:09:36 makes your dick smaller and then it just went out and then everyone's like Pop Rocks and Coke tell everyone tell everyone
Starting point is 01:09:43 Marilyn Manson yeah tell everybody this world. Tell everyone. Marilyn Manson. Yeah, tell everybody this shit. Go tell everyone that Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson can't get people to blow up. Yeah, tell me he takes that risk. Yeah. Go tell everyone that Richard Gere had to get semen pumped out of his stomach. Oh, you mean Richard Gerbil?
Starting point is 01:09:58 Yeah. We discussed semen pumping the last time I was here. Listen, guys, it comes up a lot. You know? It comes up. That's why you got to get it pumped here. Listen, guys, it comes up a lot. You know? It comes up. That's why you gotta get it pumped up. It comes up. It comes up.
Starting point is 01:10:10 All right. Better than at all. There we go. It's such a good fucking song. Yeah, it is. I binged on that show. Remember when I first moved in? I binged on that show a couple years ago, too.
Starting point is 01:10:20 Yeah. Watch the intro every time. Yeah, it's a good intro. It's so good. I kind of cry a little before the show starts. His dad's happy most of the time. You're like, where'd that guy go? Where'd the happy dad go? The show is definitely...
Starting point is 01:10:31 He went straight into punching that time card. Much sadder family when he watched the show. Listen, I put doors on Chevys for 17 hours a goddamn day so we can eat steak once a week. It also... The nice thing about A Little Help From My Friends is it inspired the West side connection lyrics what would you do if i popped your whole crew would you run like a bitch from me would you run like a bitch blank don't test because i come from the
Starting point is 01:10:59 west yes the w-e-s to the t the way, shout out to my boy Dub C. Go to my Instagram. I got pictures with him. It's not a big deal. Blank don't test. For the song Three Time Felons. Oh, man. Holy fucking crap. That's so funny.
Starting point is 01:11:17 That's good. Totally. Let me. There's a reason I was looking forward to this all day. Yeah. It's how it opens It's Ice Cube What would you do
Starting point is 01:11:27 Just do it again What would you do If I popped your whole crew Would you run Like a bitch from me People don't test Cause we come from the west Yes
Starting point is 01:11:46 The W-S To the C That's like That's probably one of the better things that's ever happened to me What you rolling like a bitch from me We need to get into the studio and have you record Yeah I'm ready for it If anybody wants their ringtone of me What you rolling like a bitch from me? We need to get into the studio and have you record. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:05 Holy crap. That really needs... I'm ready for it. If anybody wants their ringtone of me using Astro Cocker. Oh, man. Get up and head gum. All right. So that's my second pick.
Starting point is 01:12:14 Beautiful pick. That's such a good pick, dude. Yeah, that's great. Shit, now I have to go? Yeah. Let's take a commercial break. Oh, let's take a commercial break. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:22 Shout out to Super Producer Marissa, and shout out to our sponsor for this episode of All Fantasy Everything, our good friends at HelloFresh. Today's episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by HelloFresh. HelloFresh is the meal kit delivery service that shops, plans, and delivers your favorite step-by-step recipes and pre-measured ingredients so you can just cook, eat, and enjoy. You won't believe how convenient it is. All you do is choose your delivery day for when it works best for your busy schedule, pause the account for weeks at a time if you're going to go out of town, and they ship you all the ingredients pre-measured in handy labeled meal kits so you know which ingredients go with which recipe and they're delivered right to your door in recyclable, insulated packaging. You don't have
Starting point is 01:13:11 to spend all night in the kitchen because the recipes only take about 30 minutes each to make. It's so simple. Lots of them are one pot recipes for really speedy cooking and minimal cleanup because you know how fun it is to cook. That's the fun part. The cleaning's the bummer. HelloFresh helps you out with that too. You can make it all in one pot, a lot of these. And each week there's a 20 minute meal on the classic menu for when you really don't have more time than just like about 20 minutes. And then on top of that, HelloFresh is so flexible. They offer a wide variety of chef curated recipes that change weekly. There's three plans to choose from classic veggie and family. If you've got the kids at home, classic is more of a variety of meat and fish and seasonal produce. Veggie is for a vegetarian recipes
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Starting point is 01:14:17 And family, quick and easy meals with all the yum-worthy flavor that the whole family will love. Now, I'm not just reading this just because, like, they paid me to. HelloFresh also sent your boy some HelloFresh food. And it's, I'll be honest, I kind of like cooking. I like enjoy cooking. So I was a little skeptical. I was like, oh, so I'm just going to like heat this stuff up and then it's going to do it all for me. And it is easy, but it's not boring at all. HelloFresh actually makes it really fun. And I'm cooking stuff I never would have thought like to cook before. Stuff I didn't think was in my wheelhouse and now it is. I made a crispy chicken Milanese with yellow squash and lemony arugula. Arugula?
Starting point is 01:14:52 Arugula? Arugula! Whatever it is, I cooked it. It was delicious. I made a crushed peppercorn steak with a little cream kale and potato wedges. Are you kidding me? Turkey chili rellenos with poblano peppers and chipotle sauce. It's ridiculous. You can tell the person you're cooking for that it's HelloFresh or you don't have to.
Starting point is 01:15:11 And then you seem like the kind of person who just knows how to whip up turkey chili rellenos on the fly. And they're going to be like, you should open a restaurant. You're like, no, it's just something I do for me and for the people I love. They're like, no, I'm serious. I actually know an investor. You're like, stop it. Listen, I'm just doing it for myself. I don't, I don't want to make it like a whole thing where it's a business. This is a passion of mine and I just want to let it be a passion. And it is a passion of mine. HelloFresh is, makes it so easy to be a good cook. It really is amazing. So if you're interested in HelloFresh and you should be, make sure you go to www.hellofresh.com and use the offer code FANTASY30 for $30 off your first
Starting point is 01:15:55 week of HelloFresh. Again, that's hellofresh.com and enter code FANTASY30. I love it. I know you're going to love it too. Try HelloFresh. You're going to love it. Back to the podcast. Thank you again to our wonderful sponsor, HelloFresh. And now back to the draft. It is on me to make my second pick. HelloDraft.
Starting point is 01:16:21 HelloDraft. My first pick was pretty whimsical, lighthearted. Okay. Are you going to twist the knife in me? I would love to. No, no, draft. Hello, draft. My first pick was pretty whimsical, lighthearted. Okay. Are you going to twist the knife in me? I would love to. No, no, no. I would love to get away from that, but I can't for this next one. I got to stay whimsical.
Starting point is 01:16:39 And we're opening with It's the Muppet Show. Oh, no. Damn. Yeah. It's time to play the music. It's time to light the lights. Bust, damn. It's time to play the music. It's time to light the lights. It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight. Tell them. It's time to put on makeup.
Starting point is 01:16:55 It's time to dress up right. It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight. Say what song? That'd be a fun thing to rap over. Yeah, I don't know how Gucci hasn't done it. That could be like a Maya song or something. Maya? Okay.
Starting point is 01:17:13 Very interesting draw. I want her back. That could be a Maya song. First of all, she released an album last year. No, she broke up with me like 10 years ago. I'm just saying I want her back. I'm trying to... No a that is a fantastic choice well we're not getting away from the maya thing just yet yeah let's just yeah it's a really i don't really hear this
Starting point is 01:17:35 so lady marmalade came up on my youtube shuffle at work today okay she's on the mental yeah you're listening to youtube shuffle at at work? Uh-huh. You're on Spotify or like? I just like to let YouTube pick sometimes. Okay. Some crazy shit comes up. Like Lady Marmalade. I'm with it.
Starting point is 01:17:52 And then, you know, Pink's in there. Anyway, that's not what I'm talking about. It's a great song. Maya. What is it about the Muppet Show theme that you think Maya would like really? It just sounds like something she could sing over. She did sing that Rugrats song with Blackstreet oh that's a good one
Starting point is 01:18:06 I didn't want to say that but that's you know where I didn't want to bring up the other theme song but nobody was going to pick the Rugrats right
Starting point is 01:18:13 no no no maybe but it's a solid theme song since we're not I think that is also Danny Elfman that was one of the
Starting point is 01:18:18 ones I was going to bring up that song is awesome but yeah she did the song over the like you did take me there I want to go there
Starting point is 01:18:24 um what was it okay Blackstreet and Maya and also Mace That song is awesome. She did the song over the, like, you did Take Me There, I Wanna Go There. What was it? Black Street and Maya and also Mace with his brother. Mace's little brother, only on that song. I don't even remember what his name was. I can't remember, but it was him, Mace, and his little brother were rapping on that. Laura's first pick would have been The Muppet Show. Would it have?
Starting point is 01:18:42 It's just so great. It feels like show busy. It's like a big bombastic. Because it is. That's a good... It's just so great. Yeah. It feels like show busy. It's like a big bombastic... Because it is. It's a big production. It is vaudevillian. Yeah. The Muppets made me like show business.
Starting point is 01:18:52 Totally. Watching the Muppets, you're just like, oh, this is cool. They're like friends making a show. It's these puppets working the industry. Yeah. It's so cool. It's such a weird thing because they explain the industry the entire time. The whole time.
Starting point is 01:19:02 And even just like how shows work and stuff like that. are times working like because i've worked i mean i work on like daily shows and there are times the coolest when it does feel like you're working on like the muppet show yeah every now and then when they're like leading a llama through the back you know there's like a llama walking by and then like uh you that like Dame Judi Dench is in that room over there like near the llama and then you're going over a script with like the host of the show and you're like, where the fuck am I? I ordered a salad here earlier. It's like, yeah, a minute ago I was like pissed because I was at work and right now I feel like I'm in like some sort of like showbiz wonderland. Where the fuck am I? Right now I feel like I'm in some sort of showbiz wonderland.
Starting point is 01:19:43 Where the fuck am I? And yeah, the Muppet Show just does a great job of like, plus then on top of it, it's like, what is it, a tuba in there? Yeah. That's what that is, right? Yeah, it's a tuba. It's got to be a tuba. A tuber.
Starting point is 01:19:57 It's a tuber. And then you get the characters singing the song and everything. I just wonder how Gonzo has sex with a chicken. He does, though. He does, but how? He does, how? That's for sure what they're doing. Yeah, they're fucking... There's a few seductive moments between him and the chicken. You're like, wow.
Starting point is 01:20:11 That's the next domino to fall, by the way. Weinstein. Gonzo. And then after that, Miss Piggy. I feel like she's touching assistant. Shout out to Zach, man. Zach's got the best... Yeah, it's good. He's so assistant. Yeah. Shout out to Zach, man. Zach's got the best. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:27 It's good. It is a good. He's so good at it. Toscani. You probably, if you spend your whole life practicing it by yourself. Yeah. Toscani, who's been forever banned from all fantasy everything. Not by us. We'd love to have him, but the LAPD said.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Also, the fans very nervous on the vote with Toscani. All the fans are like, I voted for Zach because I don't want him to kill me. The FBI asked us to not disseminate his terror messages anymore. I'm on the 16th floor at work and Zach's outside on the scaffolding washing the window with blood staring at me. So what does that mean?
Starting point is 01:20:58 I don't even know how he got up there. He doesn't do that job. He's at the gym every day. Oh my god. You go every day, don't you? That's how you get the strength to murder. He doesn't have the will for it. He's at the gym every day. Oh, my God. He goes every day, don't you? Well, that's how you get the strength to murder. Right. He doesn't have the will for it. He's just got the strength.
Starting point is 01:21:09 That's all that matters. But the Muppet Show, it kind of sets up the show really well, too. A lot of the different characters are in it. It's time to get things started on the Muppet Show. It's time to light the lights. I'm just into it. If that came on at a party And I'd had four drinks If I'd had four drinks
Starting point is 01:21:28 You would never get me more stoked than that Also name another show That has a spot for it's hecklers Yes Has a seat and a balcony for it's two main hecklers Because they respect live entertainment Yes They respect the vaudevillian tradition
Starting point is 01:21:42 They'll be there for every show They hate the fuck out of it. Oh, they can't stand it. But they will get out of their mansion. Yeah. They win things. Statler and Waldorf. Those people, those are rich ass names.
Starting point is 01:21:52 Oh, yeah. Solomon, it's time for your second and then third picks. As it is. Okay. A serpentine. I'm going for Saturday morning cartoon. Okay. I'm going for
Starting point is 01:22:05 Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg It's cars, lasers, airplanes It's a Duckburg Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history DuckTales Woo!
Starting point is 01:22:24 Tales of daring new bad? DuckTales. Woo-hoo. Tales of daring do bad. DuckTales. Woo-hoo. Man, that shit went. It did go. That went so hard, man. That song is a duck's life. There's a danger just behind you.
Starting point is 01:22:39 There's a danger. How to find you. It's a great song. It's just a good song. It is. It's a great song. It's just a good song. It is. I was a little older than Saturday morning cartoons. I was like 10 or something.
Starting point is 01:22:52 What are you older? What the fuck are you talking about? Well, I mean, I was thinking like six when you were a kid. We were all getting laid at 11, John. No, I'm thinking. You were. You were. I was thinking like six-year-old, you know, kindergarten kind of thing on Saturday morning cartoons. For sure. I was like listening to that song-old, you know, kindergarten kind of thing. That was for 10-year-olds for sure.
Starting point is 01:23:05 I was like listening to that song playing the video game. The video game. It's so good. DuckTales video game. It's so fucking good. It was SNES. It was one or the other. I think it was SNES.
Starting point is 01:23:16 I think it was as well, yeah. I thought it was Sega. Well, it was on SNES. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, the video game was amazing. It's a great damn game. That song was so good. It's fun. And now I'm just sad for you, Sean. video game was amazing it's a great damn game that song was
Starting point is 01:23:25 it's so good it's fun and now I'm just sad for you Sean because you hit the streets so early I'm not saying that I didn't love DuckTales
Starting point is 01:23:33 I'm just saying I liked it more as an older kid I thought no it's really fine it's a great I love that show I used to watch it
Starting point is 01:23:42 after school because there was a bunch of other Disney cartoons at the time but that one was the perfect song of them all. I like the other ones a lot, but that one's just like, I'm here. If you do a test where it's like, hey, let's take out the...
Starting point is 01:23:52 The song is obviously... It's a duck blur. The song is obviously about a cartoon, but if you took that same melody and you put in just different words and made it about just Saturday nights, that song would have been a hit. Maybe Bruno Mars would sing it.
Starting point is 01:24:07 Yeah, it could have been the Bee Gees could have sang it. Right? They totally could have. Or Maya. Yeah. Funny you should bring out Maya. Maya would do a great job
Starting point is 01:24:15 bringing that song. Maya would have done that song justice. I'm a big fan of Maya. Life is like a mystery. It's like she was here. That's not how she was singing. That wasn't Maya.
Starting point is 01:24:22 That was actually Solomon. Yeah, that was just me. But I also, though I think that show did soften us up towards billionaires being good people. It did. That's where Trump started. It also paved the way for Trump. Because he was a dick and we loved him. We were just watching him just swimming in money.
Starting point is 01:24:38 And we were like, yeah. Yeah, of course. He was like, his own nephew was like, please, can I borrow some money? I'm very poor. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no. That's Tiffany Trump. And they had the most adorable voice. You remember their voices?
Starting point is 01:24:51 Oh, yeah. Uncle Squooch. Oh, God. Oh, so good. So, man, those were good voices. Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Yeah. And what was the little girl's name again?
Starting point is 01:25:01 Gwendolyn. Nope. That was not right. Gwendolyn was on Family Matters. That's a big guess. They had Launchpad in there. Launchpad McQuack. Oh, Launchpad. He was all buff. Remember how buff he was? His huge jaw. He was a swan.
Starting point is 01:25:13 He was like a pelican. He's an inept employee, but they still he crashed the plane every other episode? You gotta keep him around. You're a billionaire. The kids love him. He's got to be there. They love him.
Starting point is 01:25:26 He's like their uncle. Yeah, more than their uncle is. Also, what happened to their parents? Were they unfit? Did they ever talk about that? They never talk about their parents because keep in mind, Uncle Scrooge is their grand uncle. Donald is, I think Uncle Scrooge is the father of their parents.
Starting point is 01:25:46 No, wait. I can't even figure it out because there's Uncle Scrooge, Uncle Donald, and then it's Huey, Dewey, and Louie. It's Howard the Duck. He's a... Yeah. Because also, Donald Duck's uncle is Uncle Scrooge. Yes.
Starting point is 01:26:00 So Huey, Dewey, and Louie are cousins? They're brothers. Brothers. But they're cousins to Donald? No, that's their uncle. That's their uncle. Yeah. Here's what I'm smelling.
Starting point is 01:26:11 You know how Jack Nicholson grew up thinking that his mother was his sister? Oh, yeah. Maybe Uncle Donald has a problem with the sauce, can't take care of the kids all the time. He's got to pitch them to Rich Uncle Scrooge. They don't want the kids to feel bad. Now it's Uncle Donald. I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying.
Starting point is 01:26:28 However, somebody who's deep in the Disney knowledge in regards to the situation, Uncle Donald was taking care of these kids way back in the time, having to deal with them doing so much nonsense through many adventures. Whoa. Okay. We don't know who their parents are. These are some negligent. Wow.
Starting point is 01:26:42 But also, their real grandparents suck because their grand uncle is the one that's taking care of them. Yeah. There's a line right there that's just sad and dark. There's a huge tweak problem in the dungeon.
Starting point is 01:26:58 The parents and the grandparents are the birds that got sucked into the jet engine of that plane. From Sully? Sully Sullenberger. Sully Sullenberger. Oh, shit. We came around the horn. Oh, bring it back to Sully, you miter-egg bastard.
Starting point is 01:27:15 Yes, Lee. You took out Huey, Dewey, Louie's whole entire family alive. You motherfucker. You son of a bitch. You're dead. Oh, God. That's so funny. Come drink for one damn day.
Starting point is 01:27:29 Oh, my God. Oh, man. But DuckTales, excellent pick. And I really do think if you came up with different lyrics to it. I think it would work. Actually, I recently went to an amazing drag show. Yeah. And they did a version of the song about duct tape.
Starting point is 01:27:45 Duck tape? Oh, that's clever. About making their penis disappear. Oh my man, that's so great. That does sound good. Tape that nut sack
Starting point is 01:27:52 to your butt. Duck tape. Duck tape. It's really, I'll pull up the lyrics to it. Yeah, I need to hear about that
Starting point is 01:28:01 because I'm making up my own and they're not as good. I know you're making up your own but the real ones are phenomenal. I bet you could do a lot with it. It's Will and Belly, Alaska Thunderfuck is one of them, Drag Queens, and Courtney Act.
Starting point is 01:28:13 That's good. I'm looking up these lyrics, because they are... I'm really upset, because now I realize my mom's listening, and she heard me say nuts. Twice now. Both are moms. Oh, gosh. My mom doesn't know what a podcast is, so I'm going to claim it. You my mom's listening and she heard me say nuts twice now. Both our moms. Oh, gosh. My mom doesn't know what a podcast is. You're not going to tell her?
Starting point is 01:28:29 No. This is the last thing I got. She's just figuring out the gram. I don't need that. She's on the gram? Yeah. Well, I don't know. She's figuring it out.
Starting point is 01:28:37 I don't know if she is on there. You're not going crazy on Instagram? No, no. I just don't. It's like. It's not like you and Fat Bunch. Oh, here we go. Here we go.
Starting point is 01:28:42 Gender's a mystery. My dick is history. With duct tape. Hoo hoo. not like you and Fat Bunch. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Gender's a mystery. My dick is history. With duct tape. Hide your dick and stuff your balls with duct tape. Man, that is good. You almost had it. From sack to crack snatch back that cat with duct tape. Some of our most talented people are working in the drag industry.
Starting point is 01:29:02 I'm not good enough. I'm not talented enough to. I'm going to get my uncle Steve that t-shirt for Christmas. Oh, Skroto's skin is so damn thin, so duct tape. It is. I knew I was going to have my mind blown tonight, but I didn't know in which direction. There it was.
Starting point is 01:29:18 Whoa. It's been blown west. I'm blowing west right now. Saul, I'm going west right now uh Solomon it's time for your third pick whoa um how you living what
Starting point is 01:29:29 how you living what how you living in living color you can do what you wanna do in living color you know what do you like heavy D's part
Starting point is 01:29:40 cause that's what I was looking this up this morning for the exact lyrics you were just I like to think you were just looking this up and then you found out what we were drafting yeah yeah that's what, I was looking this up this morning for the exact lyrics. I like to think you were just looking this up and then you found out what we were drafting. Yeah, that's just what I was doing.
Starting point is 01:29:49 Everyone you find is equally kind. Everyone here is equally kind. What's yours is yours and what's mine is mine. It's just all about equality is the whole Heavy D rap. It's like, it's really and I just love The Unliving because I watched it this morning as well. Getting ready for this draft. Love that intro.
Starting point is 01:30:05 With the paint. With the paint. And they're all, oh, gosh. James Carey? James Carey? James Carey. Fire Marshal Bill. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:13 Dude, that's so funny. Fire Marshal Bill is one of my earliest memories. Totally. Him sticking his hand in that meat grinder scared the shit out of me. It's because he was scary, I think. To me, because remember he was like a burn victim? His mouth was like this. I loved it.
Starting point is 01:30:28 And he's like, okay! And he put his hand in the meat grinder. But I'm also a little older, so I was of the age. I was just young enough that it was very scary. I think I'm also your age, but I'm a coward. I might be older than you, but I am a coward. Very much, especially as a kid, it was very scary to me. Till the end of time, I can watch Jim Carrey as Dracula
Starting point is 01:30:44 and Jamie Foxx as Wanda, and it is one of the best things I've ever seen in my life. I still laugh when I think about Jamie Foxx as Wanda saying, I got some lingerie. Lingerie. We got him on the door.
Starting point is 01:31:00 Yeah, that's a great... It's just like that theme song is so upbeat, and then I just like... Because when I hear it, I just think about that. And then right into the Fly Girls dance. Yes. The Fly Girls. The Fly Girls.
Starting point is 01:31:11 The Fly Girls. Shout out to Jennifer Lopez, friend of the pod. Rosie Perez. Rosie Perez. Choreographer. Was she really? She was a choreographer the whole time. How crazy.
Starting point is 01:31:21 There was something in the water with the late 80s, early 90s dance crews. Because Paula Abdul was a cheerleader dancer. Rosie Perez. Yeah, J-Lo. Yeah, they were getting their start. We need more shows with dancers. Are dancers crossing over the same way now? Well, they have So You Think You Can Dance.
Starting point is 01:31:38 Oh, yeah. So they just stay famous for dancing. Oh, my God. The Jabbawockeez has a Vegas show, right? They have a Vegas show. And they were on So You Think You Can. I'm going to break in
Starting point is 01:31:50 this weekend. But guess what? None of us know what any of them look like. No. I could be a Jabberwockie. You can't cross over as a Jabberwockie.
Starting point is 01:31:55 No way. You can't cross over. We could be the Jabberwockies. No one would ever know. Every time we black out, we go and be the Jabberwockies. Wouldn't that be crazy if we just were the Jabberwockies?
Starting point is 01:32:08 This is our passion project. We love this podcast. We're just trying to get a little shine on the side. When I was at the Emmy Awards that I went to, the Creative Arts Emmys, I was nominated for an Emmy. I heard that. I know where you're at the gym. What are the Emmys? What's that? Pardon me, what? I was nominated for an Emmy. I heard that. I know where you're at the gym. One of the Emmys.
Starting point is 01:32:25 What's that? Pardon me, what? When I'm not at the gym, I'm getting nominated for Emmys. But I'm only bringing up to bring up how like it's kind of the one I went to is kind of like the budget Emmys. It's still like very nice and it was cool to be there. But it's like that's where they're giving out like the awards for like choreography like best choreography and stuff like that so those were like the famous people who showed up where like these people from so you think you can dance and everything and all the choreographers did like performances on the stage of their choreography that sounds sick and one of them was cool and then the other two were like the corniest things I ever saw in my life. Really? I was like the whole time, I was like, no.
Starting point is 01:33:06 No. That's a bummer. Yeah, it was so corny. I was like, it really made me realize which Emmys I was at. The bad one. The bad one. It's Pizza Baby. It's all good.
Starting point is 01:33:18 However, Julianne Hough, she's a crossover dancer. Oh, she has quite, yeah. She started off as a dancer and then moved on to acting. Channing Tatum might have as well, right? I think Anna Dewan Tatum. I thought he could just dance. Oh, Jimen Hansu was in the Janet Jackson video. Really?
Starting point is 01:33:35 Yeah. Lovely Will Never Do Without You. That's who that was? That's Jimen Hansu. I've been wondering. Kind of. I was wondering who that dude in that video was. Yeah, Jimen Hansu.
Starting point is 01:33:44 Fucking gorgeous. Yeah, I know. Kind of. I was wondering who that dude in that video was. Yeah, Diamond Nazi. Fucking gorgeous. Yeah, I know. I had my first boner around that time. I had my first boner during that video, too. Together. Same time? This is what this podcast is about. Bridging the gap.
Starting point is 01:33:58 That first boner is so fun. My first music video boner was Deborah Cox. How did you get here? Yeah. How did you get here? Yeah, how did you get here? No, no, nobody's supposed to. How did you get here? That was a gay club hit for like seven years after that song stopped being popular. Man, really was it?
Starting point is 01:34:18 There's like 900 remixes played at every gay club of that. I think I would have such a good time at a gay club, just music wise. Well, just go tonight. I would love to go. I really think I would like. On a time at a gay club, just music-wise. We'll just go tonight. I would love to go. I really think I would like... On a Wednesday night. That's the best night. It's probably the best night.
Starting point is 01:34:30 Disco's still popping off in disco clubs, or in gay clubs, right? It depends on where you go. It depends on where you go. Take me to the disco gay club. I want to go to the disco. That was my favorite kind of music. We should just go to Sweden and have a day.
Starting point is 01:34:44 Oh, yeah, man. We should just go to Sweden. Yeah. You got K, yeah, man. We should just go to Sweden. Yeah. You got K'nex in Scandinavia. Dude, I got Scandinavia K'nex. We can go to a discotheque in just the coldest part of Sweden. That's what I want, like an ice disco. That would make me so happy.
Starting point is 01:34:56 Yeah, Debra Cox. You never sweat at the ice disco. That first boner where your brain knocks on your penis like, Get up. You got to see this. It really was. Love Will Never Do It. I'm telling you, man.
Starting point is 01:35:06 That's a solid. Believe me. It had everything for everyone. It did? It had everything for everyone. It did. It gave us Sabato Jr., which is a- I don't even remember what song.
Starting point is 01:35:17 Oh, Living Single. Shit. Living Color. Living Color. Shit. Carwell, what do you got? That's fine. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:22 It's time for- I already made my picks. All right. Time for my third pick. Uh-huh. And I have a few more. We just looked at each other and laughed. We're having a good time.
Starting point is 01:35:37 We are having a good time in here. All right. So I'm picking a lot of shows that have been around a while. Hold on one second. That's fine. Yeah, what are you doing? And I thought I knew the lyrics to this better than I did. So now I'm like a little.
Starting point is 01:35:50 There's a lot of that. Oh. So I'm just going to sing the part I know that's in my heart. Fish don't fry in the kitchen. Bees don't burn on the grill. It took a whole lot of turning in just to get up that hill. Where you at now? Now we're up in the big leagues.
Starting point is 01:36:09 Don't give our turn at bat. As long as we living, it's you and me and baby. It ain't nothing wrong with that. We're moving on up to the east side. To the east side. To the hot man in To the east side. To the east side. Yes.
Starting point is 01:36:32 We finally got a piece of the pie. I love that song. Also, shout out to Nelly. Yes. How hard is it to not say Batter Up? Batter Up. As soon as you did it in my head, I was like, I'm the first to sing.
Starting point is 01:36:52 Murphy Lee, dude, creeping in there. Or was that Kiwan or Courtney B? I may have said Batter Up while we were singing. Yeah, that shit is so good. It's like perfect for what that show was. It's so good. It's so good.
Starting point is 01:37:06 That song encapsulates the song, too, to the show, because that whole show was just Sherman Hemsley like, I'm rich, bitch! That's the best part. That was one thing everyone saw. I'd hear somebody be like, oh, the first time we saw Black Wealth was the Cosby show. I'm like, motherfucker.
Starting point is 01:37:22 Sherman Hemsley! Motherfucker. Yeah. You goddamn talking about. And Sherman Hemsley was like proudlyby show. I'm like, motherfucker. No. Sherman Hemsley. Motherfucker. Yeah. You goddamn talking about. And Sherman Hemsley was like proudly new rich. Yes. Which was dope. George Jefferson.
Starting point is 01:37:31 Oh, man. Which was an inspiration. Angry rich. Yeah, angry rich. It was fucking brilliant. She's like, I've been waiting to be mean to white people my whole damn life. Don't you fucking tell me I don't belong here. I sat in the back of the bus.
Starting point is 01:37:45 I'm about to be mean to some of you motherfuckers today. He was mean to everybody. He was just so angry at Pete Rich. So good. Yeah, that's a great song. George and Wheezy. The song sounds like his dance. Yeah, it does sound like the Sherman Hemsley, which is a very strange dance.
Starting point is 01:38:01 It is a weird dance. It's an odd body movement. But he, if any of us tried to do it, we would look goofy. Him, I believe it. You got to have that weird little body. Yeah, you do. It's a weird little body dance. I love that show.
Starting point is 01:38:13 I love that song. It's the best show about black revenge. For now. I was like, this is what happened if you give us reparations. We are not going to be polite. He was always yelling at me. Also, we go to dry cleaners, this is what happened if you give us reparations. We are not going to be polite. He was always yelling at me. Also, we don't have dry cleaners, which is really funny. Yeah, my dry cleaning empire became, that was the storyline.
Starting point is 01:38:34 I was like, well, first of all, let's be honest. That's never going to happen to anybody in real life. I don't think white people have dry cleaning. I don't think so either. It's like how there's way too many architects on TV. There's so many architects on TV. In real life, there's like way too many architects on TV. There's so many architects on TV. In real life, there's like seven architects. There's seven, yeah. I.M. Pei, Frank Lloyd Wright,
Starting point is 01:38:50 most of them are dead. So there's like, what, one left? There's one left, yeah. And he's like sneaking up to the TV writers like, make this guy an architect. We need more architects. We need more architects. We need more architects. Yeah, that's a great pick. It's such a good song, yeah. Jeannette Dubois. There, that's a great pick.
Starting point is 01:39:06 It's such a good song. Yeah. Jeanette Dubois. There hasn't been a bad... These are all so good. There's so many good TV themes. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. And again, you know it was good.
Starting point is 01:39:15 Nelly Sample. He knew. Per now. Don't know. Don't know. Don't know. Who might be a shitty person? Didn't some news about Nelly come out recently?
Starting point is 01:39:25 She backed down, I guess. She backed down? She backed down. Wow, that's really... I don't know anything. I'm just saying what I read. I think the term you need to use is retracted. Back down is a very weird way.
Starting point is 01:39:34 Back down makes it look like Pranella was standing up there being like, girl. Oh, no. I meant she just said it. She took it back. Yeah, yeah. Okay. She retracted. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:41 The allegations were dropped. Still. Not good even if the allegations happen They come up You're on thin ice, Nelly They used to be so thick I already took you on the picture off Instagram Of you and me hanging out where I was dressed like a viking
Starting point is 01:39:54 And I'm not putting it back up Did you take that down? You were hanging out with Nelly dressed like a viking When Ian first moved here, that was one of the first pics I got The first one was you and Kendrick, I think. Or you and Drake. I remember that picture. It was me and Drake.
Starting point is 01:40:10 I met 2 Chainz, Pusha. Yeah. I remember that. I was living on a couch when I saw you next to Pusha. And I was like, it could happen, man. Now I got a bed and four pairs of shoes. Pusha was the only rapper And really one of the only celebrities
Starting point is 01:40:28 Who showed up with zero entourage Drake showed up with 18 entourage Drake had three SUVs Full of entourage All dressed the same What's the conversation like in that third SUV? I don't know Hey is it cool we're going to another one of Drake's things? It's mostly like,
Starting point is 01:40:45 oh, shit. Oh, fuck that dude. Oh, God. Hey, Drake, how you doing? Oh, this dude thinks he's so fucking cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:53 Just peel off and go through that drive-thru. I don't care what Drake said. He says more like he's from the hood. I swear to God. I'm Drake's third cousin. I can...
Starting point is 01:41:00 I'm hungry. I'll talk to him. Drake's not even up there anymore. We lost Drake. I'm fucking starving. I'm going to call'm gonna call him Aubrey Aubrey Graham I'm gonna do it
Starting point is 01:41:09 I'm gonna do it When we get there It was Aubrey On his fourth birthday It's gonna be Aubrey now I'm not calling him Drake anymore I don't know
Starting point is 01:41:16 He just It's like he doesn't Remember Canada anymore It used to be about the six And it really isn't anymore It's really It's not about the six So Jefferson it really isn't anymore. It really isn't. It's not about the six. So, Jefferson, Sean, it's time for your third pick.
Starting point is 01:41:29 Making your way in the world today takes everything you got. Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. Dun, dun, dun, dun. And they're always glad you came. Dun, dun.
Starting point is 01:41:59 You want to be where you can't see. The David drinks Cutty Sark. You want to go where everybody knows your name. Cutty Sark, PBR. I feel like that's your cheers. I really appreciate it. That is a good song. You ever heard the full version? Yeah, it's a whole song.
Starting point is 01:42:15 Real strange second verse. I don't know that I knew it was a whole song until last night. Oh, so, dude, the second verse, there's one line where it's like, and your girlfriend is a boy. There is. Yeah, it is. line where it's like, and your girlfriend is a boy. There is. It is. Really? It's a real weird song.
Starting point is 01:42:28 It's a very much like a. Strange song. I can't find. You got to look at the real song. Is that just for the theme song or is it like a real song? The coffee's dead, the morning looks bright, and your shrink ran off to Europe and he didn't even write, and your husband wants to be a girl? Oh, yeah, that's the one. Did you know those were the lyrics?
Starting point is 01:42:48 No. Yeah, I looked that up a lot. Chattatoo is always a dark shadow. It really goes off the rails. That's a whole different show. Chattatoo gets wheeled. That's a very specific set of problems. First verse, the guy just wants to go get tore up.
Starting point is 01:43:03 Second verse, his life's in shambles. He doesn't know what's going on. Gary Portnoy. First verse, the guy just wants to go get tore up. Second verse, his life's in shambles. He doesn't know what's going on. Gary Portnoy is speaking to a very specific person. How many people have had that happen where their shrink ran away and their husband wants to be a girl at the same time? I don't know. The dude that wrote Cheers. The dude that wrote Cheers.
Starting point is 01:43:20 The original lyrics were, singing the blues when the Red Sox lose. It's a crisis in your life. On the run because all your girlfriends want to be your wife. And the laundry tickets in the wash. I don't respect this anymore. This is like in Malibu where he's like, traffic, traffic. There's a Ford Maverick. Like, that's what this is. Everybody knows a little bit tragic.
Starting point is 01:43:50 I want to hear all the lyrics to this new song. Oh, that's all of that. For me, in my life, you got a bunch of lady socks. Whatever else. But a bunch of women's socks. So you're just singing, the cheer song is just you singing about your minor inconveniences? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My washing machine breaks some of the time and other times it works.
Starting point is 01:44:11 Everyone on my drive from Glendale are a bunch of jerks. And my Prius is full of trash. And your girlfriend isn't real. He just slowly glides into eating a bullet for dinner. That's a great song. I think that's like a really good classic. Yeah, it just went with the iconic. That was an iconic. That's a solid.
Starting point is 01:44:40 This song, much like Ian Carmel, was nominated for an Emmy. Sure. Really? That's a solid. This song, much like Ian Carmel, was nominated for an Emmy. Sure. Really? That's a very specific Emmy. I think they... Was it nominated for an Emmy for the show? For the theme. Okay.
Starting point is 01:44:54 For Outstanding Achievement in Music and Lyrics. Did you see that part of the Emmys? I probably did. Ian clocked out. There's an open bar, so I got up in a... Well, it's not an open bar. It's actually a cash bar. But there was a bar, and I had to go a there's an open bar so I got up in a well I had to it's not an open bar it's actually a cash bar but there was a bar
Starting point is 01:45:07 and I had to go up there the cash bar the open bar the other at me I'll be sitting for a while there was a there was a open bar at the party afterwards
Starting point is 01:45:15 sure take advantage David it's time for your third and then fourth picks my third pick not a lot of words to it very classic love the show
Starting point is 01:45:23 love the intro you're not the boss of me now you're not the boss of me now Third pick. Not a lot of words to it. Very classic. Love the show. Love the intro. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. And you're not so big. Yeah. And that song.
Starting point is 01:45:36 Life is unfair. It was great. It was perfect for that show. It was just about a bunch of bad poor kids. Totally related to that show. I love that show. They were little a bunch of bad poor kids. Totally related to that show. I love that show. They were always, they were little boys who were always in trouble.
Starting point is 01:45:49 And again, a fucking joke machine. That show was hilarious. That is by, you know, it's by They Might Be Giants. Yes. Who might be giants?
Starting point is 01:45:57 They might be giants. They might be giants. The song is by a band called They Might Be Giants. They might be giants. But they could be regular people. The people who did that song, they might be giants.
Starting point is 01:46:05 I'm kidding, guys. I know. We know. We're doing a little who's on first. A little who's on first? They might be giants. They could be giants. Who might be giants?
Starting point is 01:46:13 They could be giants. How are they giants? Well, they're on third. I don't give a damn. Yeah, no, I really like that song. I like that show a lot. I used to watch it after school. And I think it just really encapsulates, like the whole show, that whole I really like that song. I like that show a lot. I used to watch it after school. And I think it just really encapsulates, like, the whole show, that whole show is, like,
Starting point is 01:46:29 that family giving a middle finger to everybody. Yeah. They were in it together. Yeah, they always had their own. And they were like, fuck everybody else. Like, they had the grossest house on the block. Their kids were kind of pieces of shit. But they were like, they were just like, you're not my boss, fuck you.
Starting point is 01:46:45 As soon as somebody else called their kid a piece of shit, then the whole family was like, fuck you, you can't call my kid a piece of shit. And their parents fucked like crazy. You gotta get those demons out, dude. It was like, Brian Cranston, I didn't even like, I love Cranston being funny. Cranston funny is amazing. He's so funny.
Starting point is 01:47:02 He's a treasure. He's an American treasure. I love that guy. He's a treasure. But yeah, Tal is a great character. He's an American treasure. I love that guy. He's a treasure. But yeah, so that's my third. It's very fitting. I mean, that you would pick the only song on here that could be considered ska or ska punk. Once again, we discussed ska the last time I was here as well.
Starting point is 01:47:19 You have a firm pro-ska stance. Pro-ska. So this should come as no surprise to the Effie Diehards. But you know what? I think we're- Tony Hawk's pro-ska. They might be giants that get enough love, because Flood is a perfect album. Pro-Ska. So this should come to no surprise to the Effie Diehards. But you know what I think? Tony Hawk's Pro-Ska. We should all, they might be giants that get enough love
Starting point is 01:47:28 because Flood is a perfect album. See? And it is, that's, Particle Man. Shout out to they might be giants.
Starting point is 01:47:36 Particle Man is great. Particle Man. Particle Man. Do anything that a particle can. No, I only know the Malcolm X. Oh, there's also Istanbul
Starting point is 01:47:47 was once Constantinople but Istanbul was once Constantinople if you have a date Constantinople should be waiting
Starting point is 01:47:52 in Istanbul even old New York was once New Amsterdam why they changed it I can't say people just liked it better that way
Starting point is 01:48:03 anything can happen here Blue Canary and the Ella by the light switch I can't say. People just liked it better that way. Bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, ba-da-da-da-da-da. Man, anything can happen here. Blue canary in the alley by the light switch. Who watches over you? Build a little birdhouse in your soul. Not too foot to find a point on it. Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet. But that's not what we're talking about.
Starting point is 01:48:19 No, that's not it. I mean, shut up. I got lost in the sauce. So they might be giants. I was going nuts. I'm thankful for that. Oh, yeah. So now I come around the bend on my fourth. Coming around the bend. I say in the sauce. Today might be Giants. I'm thankful for that. Oh, yeah. So now I come around the bend on my fourth.
Starting point is 01:48:27 Coming around the bend. I say around the bend because I'm picking who's the boss. Love that theme song, baby. That's another one. That wasn't even on my list. There's a time for love and a time for living. Take a chance and face the wind. An open road and a road that's hidden.
Starting point is 01:48:44 A brand new life around the wind. An open road and a road that's hidden. A brand new life around the bend. There were times we lost a dream or two. Found the trail and at the end was you. Yeah, man. David was looking at me. I fucking love that song. Who's the boss? It's like, that song also nails what that show was.
Starting point is 01:49:03 It was a show about second chances and families being merged together. And that was a great intro because it started with the van, Tony's van, pulling up through the streets with all the leaves on it. And then it just, oh, man. What was Who's the Boss? Oh, go off. So Who's the Boss was Judith White. And she was a divorcee. Was she Mona?
Starting point is 01:49:25 No, Mona was her mom who was kind of like a blanched getting it in. Oh yeah, Angela Mona. Yeah, and then she had a son. I forget his name. Jonathan. Jonathan. Little weak nerd. And then they get this nanny, Tough Tony from
Starting point is 01:49:41 the city, who had this kid Sam, Alyssa Milano. And it was about their family. And then, like, you know, Tony and Angela had a will they or won't they. And it was just that show was so fun. But to be clear, the boss is Angela. Yeah, Angela's the boss.
Starting point is 01:49:56 She pays for everything. It's her money. Everyone lives under her house. Yeah, it's her shit. And that show was like 80% of it was in the kitchen. I like that. It was all's her shit. And that show was like 80% of it was in the kitchen. I like that. It was all in the kitchen. And Tony's always cooking.
Starting point is 01:50:08 Yeah, Tony's always cooking. But he looked cool. He had a tank top on and a towel. He looked like a mechanic. Is he in there making Italian food? Yeah. Oh, yeah. With a bowl of ice.
Starting point is 01:50:18 With the rag around his neck like he's a good fellow. I just found out super producer Marissa loves to make a bowl of ice. So we're going to have to peer pressure her into making that. Hell yeah. Can I come back for the bolognese episode? Yeah. The bolognese episode is just going to be us drafting compliments for Marissa. Yes.
Starting point is 01:50:37 So who's the boss? It feels good. It was really good. And just paired with the intro very well. Because at the end, Tony slid into home base. I like that. That's such a solid. It's really good. And it just paired with the intro very well. Because at the end, Tony slid into home base. I like that. No, it's just solid. It's just solid.
Starting point is 01:50:48 When he didn't, he tore his knee. He tore his knee playing baseball, right? Yeah, but he played softball later on. Sure. Sean, excellent pick, David. It's time for your fourth pick, Sean. Love and marriage. Love and marriage.
Starting point is 01:51:03 Go together like a horse and carriage. This, I tell you, brother, you can't have one without the other. Love and marriage. Yeah, that is... It's like such a cool song because it's the exact opposite about that show, but it's still like they had each other's back Like Malcolm in the Middle You have a Beatles song and a Frank Sinatra song
Starting point is 01:51:28 I'm blowing it I was pretty confident with my list earlier today I was like I figured I'd have a good one But yeah that song is just sick And it reminds me of like Married with Children was the first Kind of like edgy sitcom that I ever got to watch We visited my aunt in Modesto No wonder we got to watch. We visited my aunt in Modesto.
Starting point is 01:51:46 No wonder we got to watch it because we're in fucking Modesto where there are no rules. A little bit of a brag. A little bit of a brag. There's no rules in Modesto. We're right outside of Stockton in Modesto, California. Named Robert. Watching Married with Children. And my mom's like, what is this?
Starting point is 01:52:00 My aunt Liza's like, it's fine. Just let him watch it. And then we watched Married with Children with all the you know with all the crude jokes with all the new pig hand down his pants right on his dick
Starting point is 01:52:13 the whole night the only joke I remember from Married with Children is who's the who's the neighbor who's like Marcy Darcy
Starting point is 01:52:20 but who's the Jefferson Darcy who's the last boyfriend who's like Jefferson yeah Ted Knight yeah that's the actor boyfriend? Jefferson. Jefferson, yeah. Ted Knight? Yeah, that's the actor's name, yeah.
Starting point is 01:52:28 Ted Knight coming out and like, he had been in the military in the show, right? I don't remember. He had been. So he was talking to Al Bundy and he was like, Iraq, Iran, I'm married. And for some reason that stuck with me. A little eight-year-old me was like, oh, all right. I can see why that has a good joke. I smell what they're stepping in over here.
Starting point is 01:52:52 Each of them a different war. Sure. I wish your eight-year-old ass would have turned over to Ivan or Sue and be like, each one of those a different war. That was my eight-year-old vibe. I was a very nerdy kid. I told you I wrote, in kindergarten, wrote a book and taught a unit about the Iraq War,
Starting point is 01:53:12 which was very heavy on how it was a war for oil. You wrote a book? Yeah. For other children? Yeah. About the Iraq War? It was only like 15 pages, but it was a brief summary of the Iraq War. Wow! That is impressive. It was weird. Wow? It was only like 15 pages, but it was a brief summary of the Iraq War. But it was a brief summary of the Iraq War. That is impressive.
Starting point is 01:53:27 It was weird. Wow. It was weird. I was a weird little kid. What do you think they... What did anybody make of that? I don't know. I can't judge you.
Starting point is 01:53:35 I wanted to take my dad's leather briefcase to school. Oh, fuck you. There was a kid who brought a briefcase to school, and it was so fly that he opened it up, and it just had Goosebumps books and Power Ranger toys in it. God damn it. Meanwhile, me and Sean were out there eating rocks or whatever. Fucking fireworks. I am convinced that if
Starting point is 01:53:53 the computer game Ultima Online hadn't intervened in my life right around the age of 12 and taken me for four years that I could be in some sort of prominent position in the world. I was such a nerdy little kid. Yeah, you were writing politics books.
Starting point is 01:54:10 Yeah. But I ended up finding drugs and homosexuality. If a video game didn't step in for me, I'd be in prison. That's what they say is going to take us all out. That's what they want you about. Yep. Here it is. Yeah, Married with Children
Starting point is 01:54:25 Married with Children great pick but one more second what was that book called oh I don't remember probably just called it The Iraq War or like
Starting point is 01:54:31 Ian's New Future or The Gulf Conflict or something like that I remember the drawing on the front was big oil derricks on fire Ian's New World
Starting point is 01:54:38 yeah that's I wish I could see that Fahrenheit I'm four or five oh man I wish I could see that. Fahrenheit, I'm four or five. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:54:54 The catcher in the Ninja Turtles onesie. Oh, it's time for my fourth pick. It's time for your fourth pick. All right. Shit. Shit. It's really hard because it's like you also want to close out so strong. There's some bangers sitting there. I just took the Jefferson's theme song, which was sampled by Nelly.
Starting point is 01:55:11 And now I'm going to take a song that was once sampled by Sir Busta Rhymes. The Knight Rider theme. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. That desert. Ba-dum. Crazy.
Starting point is 01:55:26 I fucking love that song. It is so cool. That was just begging for someone to sample it, too. It's almost a rap song already. It kind of is, yeah. It was a real synth-heavy, but with that pulsing beat. I was like, oh, some shit's going down. I didn't even watch a ton of Knight Rider, but I got really into the theme song.
Starting point is 01:55:52 The intro is just, I just think about that car driving across the desert, remember? Like at dusk. Yeah. That just looks like a video game. Knight Rider's one of the rare shows that I would watch the song and be like, you know what? I don't need the show. Don't need the show. The song was enough. I'll switch it over to whatever. And when Busta turned into
Starting point is 01:56:07 Turn It Up, it was so good. Oh, God. It's just such a good beat. Busta's such an amazing rapper. He's still amazing. And also, he's such an amazing rapper that his crew doesn't look as good as him, even though they're all phenomenal rappers.
Starting point is 01:56:26 Yeah, yeah. The Flipmo squad are insane. Oh. Raw Digger is so fucking... Raw Digger. Oh. Raw Digger's buck. Raw Digger had a video that I was scared of.
Starting point is 01:56:38 Gonna party and bullshit. I beat that bitch with a bat. Raw Digger from 13 Ghosts, popular Raw Digger vehicle. Raw Digger was in 13 Ghosts? He was. He was in 13 Ghosts. Popular Rod Digger vehicle. Rod Digger was in 13 Ghosts? She was. She was in 13 Ghosts. There's 13 ghosts. I can't imagine what she was like.
Starting point is 01:56:52 Get that. Oh, she's saying it. Oh, shit. Rod Digger, your chicken salad is here. I just want to watch Rod Digger count ghosts. Whatever I think of. One. Dead.
Starting point is 01:57:01 Dead. Dead. Whatever I think of Rod Digger, I just think of, like, she had this one, she had one single called Imperial, and she danced around, and it was like a remake of a Jamaican song, but just her voice was so low, and she was so scary. I remember in the video, she says, you know it's Digger looking pretty in the video, video. And I was like, whoa, whoa. Okay.
Starting point is 01:57:23 Okay. Okay. You're pretty. You're pretty. You're pretty. You're pretty. You're pretty. You're pretty.
Starting point is 01:57:24 You're pretty. You're pretty. You're pretty. Your voice is growling. She has a scary Okay. Okay, you're pretty raw. Her voice is growling. And she is a scary voice. Yeah, she's bucky. Night Rider theme song. That show.
Starting point is 01:57:31 That's a great theme. The show, yeah. Show, take it or leave it. That car could have been way cooler. But dude, what I want at some point in my life is to be moving through a crowded, dark hallway. For somebody at a club, somewhere where Blade might be killing vampires. Like a Russian club. Like a Russian club.
Starting point is 01:57:45 Like a Russian club, but I'm on my way to do some gully business. Yep. And then the Knight Rider theme starts playing and I'm like, I gotta do this. Ooh, yeah. Bonham, bonham, bonham. I feel that vibe.
Starting point is 01:57:54 I'm kind of like, I'm wearing a black suit. I have sunglasses on even though it's dark. Maybe your hair is slicked back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's gotta be slicked back. It has to be. I have my hand on a sword. Yeah, oh shit, that's dark. Maybe your hair is slicked back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's got to be slicked back. It has to be. I have my hand on a sword.
Starting point is 01:58:06 Yeah. Oh, shit. That's sword. Let's cut him up with the sword music for sure. Yeah. I always feel bad about swords because they look cool in movies, but they never look cool in real life.
Starting point is 01:58:15 Never. No. Never seen a guy with a sword and said, that's a cool guy. Never. Oh, that's the least. Somebody with no sword is more threatening
Starting point is 01:58:22 than somebody with a sword. Yeah, because you've got a sword. You already, that's what you're doing? Come on. You're practicing sword? That's the decision you made? Somebody with no sword is more threatening than somebody with a sword. Yeah, because you've got a sword. That's what you're doing? Come on. You're practicing sword? That's the decision you make? I'll kick you right in your balls.
Starting point is 01:58:32 You better be ancient. Old dude with a sword, then I'm like, oh, shit. If you're just like 19, you're an asshole and you sell coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bought a sword. It's like when you see a sword, I just can't imagine after how it lasted as weapon for hundreds of years when somebody's like, I can just throw a rock at you. Yeah, projectile fire is really the way to go. I can stand four feet away and very accurately hit you with a rock.
Starting point is 01:58:56 You shouldn't be allowed to buy a sword. You should have to earn a sword. And then the sword would return to its place and prominence in society. It should show up at your doorstep. Yeah, like, oh shit, I earned a sword? Yeah, you didn't even know. You just, oh, you level up real quick.
Starting point is 01:59:08 Do you remember the sword store in the mall? Yeah, of course. Excalibur. You got any of the throwing stars? Yes. Absolutely, yeah. Ours was just the
Starting point is 01:59:13 military surplus store. They sold swords, knives, and beer steins. Also, those rocks where you open it up and you think it's a rock and it's like crystals inside. A thunder egg, yeah.
Starting point is 01:59:22 Is that what it's called? A thunder egg. A thunder egg. We were a big thunder egg. Me and my older brother were really into thunder eggs. Bear. Yeah, bear. Shout out to Bear Blaylock. Hell yeah. Coming to LA in two weeks. Oh, is he now? Yeah, we're going to have to show him a Friday. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 01:59:36 He'll fucking, he'll show us a Friday. He will show us a Friday. He knows what time it is. Absolute. Absolutamente. Solomon, it's time for your fourth and fifth picks. Four and five. You guys, I didn't know you guys were going to let me do a double dunk on you guys. Don't do it to me.
Starting point is 01:59:53 I didn't know I was going to be put in this position. Don't do it to me. I didn't think I would ever. Don't you do that to me. I don't think I'd ever had to do this, but who's a black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks? Shut up. Damn, John Chef. You damn right.
Starting point is 02:00:09 Damn it. Who's a man that would risk his neck for his brother man? Chef! Can you dig it? Who's a cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about? Chef. Yeah, right on. all about. Shaft. Yeah, right on.
Starting point is 02:00:30 Shaft is just one bad... Watch your mouth. I'm just talking about Shaft. Oh, well I can dig it. I can dig it. Just a quick connection. Thelma Hopkins, Aunt Rachel from Family Matters. That's her. What? What? No way. She's the one who says, I heard Shaft was a bad- She says, shut your mouth.
Starting point is 02:00:47 Whoa. Really? Did you know that? Yeah, I knew that my whole life. That's so crazy. It was the first thing he knew. It's the first thing I ever told. That's and then your name is Solomon.
Starting point is 02:00:59 That's amazing. Yeah, that's sick. That song is fucking- Fucking badass, dude. It's Isaac Hayes, right? Isaac Hayes, man. Yes. Badass.
Starting point is 02:01:07 That dude was great. Scientologists took him away from us. Yeah, because he was chef on South Park. Chef, yeah. Used to be fresher than wet paint. Yeah, man. He still is. Yeah, he still is.
Starting point is 02:01:17 He's like one celebrity where you find it like... It's tainted a little bit, but you're still like... He's still more Isaac Hayes than he is a Scientologist. I think so. There's no way I will ever think like they will never, they, they don't get that part of him. No,
Starting point is 02:01:30 no, no, but you like find out Beck is a Scientologist and you're like, ah, fuck. But with Isaac Hayes, you're like, I'm not going to tell him what to do.
Starting point is 02:01:38 I'm not going to tell him how to live. Whatever, that's his business. They're probably paying his bills. They're going to pay his bills. Giovanni Ribisi, ah, shit. But Isaac Hayes, whatever he wants to do, he's probably right. He's his business. They're probably paying his bills. Let him pay his bills. Giovanni Ribisi? Ah, shit. But Isaac Hayes, whatever he wants to do.
Starting point is 02:01:47 He's probably right. He's probably right. It's a solid theme song. Yes. And it's... Shaft. Damn right. God, no one's been like, Ian.
Starting point is 02:01:59 Damn right. I can't. I've never been able to do that. Nobody's ever responded damn right. Also, what a perfect name. Shaft. John Shaft. It's so strong.
Starting point is 02:02:08 It is. That's a square-shouldered name. You know you're going to have good sex that night. Yeah. The only name that comes close is Hardcastle. Hardcastle is like a strong. That's a strong. Like I say it, and I say Hardcastle, but in my head I just see like a huge dog.
Starting point is 02:02:26 100%. I feel like a girthy... Hardcastle. Like a lead dick. Lead dick! Officer Hardcastle. Officer Hardcastle. Do you know why I pulled you over?
Starting point is 02:02:40 I pulled you over to break your back. Hardcastle. Shaft is an amazing pick. I'm going to to break your back. Hard castle. Shaft is an amazing pick. I'm going to ask for your... I could keep talking about it, but we have been here for two hours. What is your fifth pick? The Double Dunk.
Starting point is 02:02:56 Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the big boy, evening TV. Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there's a heart for you to hold on to. Everywhere you look,
Starting point is 02:03:13 everywhere you go, there's a face for somebody who needs you. When you're lost out there, you're on your own. So gritty. God is waiting to carry you home.
Starting point is 02:03:28 Everywhere you look. Yeah, it's gritty. That song refurbished the barn on Jesse Frederick's Clover Hunter Park. Yes. That was him too. That was him too. Oh, I think I have an idea what another one of his was. You probably do.
Starting point is 02:03:41 Oh, yeah. Shout out to the 415, by the way, show about San Francisco. Absolutely. Go see those houses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over by the way, show about San Francisco. Absolutely. Go see those houses. Yeah. Over by the park. They're just always going to be there. No one's going to fucking take them down.
Starting point is 02:03:51 There's a sign on one of the houses that says, this is not the full house house. On one of the painted ladies. Somebody, for full house, they have somebody else singing the song. And I'm going to be honest with you, not that crazy. Not as good. It's the same song? It's the same song, different singer, with like a new poppy attitude, but still sounds 90s as fuck.
Starting point is 02:04:13 So you're like, what's going on here? Why would you do that to us? What are you doing to us? It was perfect. Go back to what it was. It was perfect. Oh, it's Carly Rae Jepsen. Oh, God.
Starting point is 02:04:21 And I love her so much. I do, too. But we don't need that from you. But it's not like it's, oh. Maybe Carly Rae get to step, God. And I love her so much. I do, too, but we don't need that from you. It's not, like, it's, oh. Maybe Carly Rae Jepsen. Maybe Carly Rae get to step, son. Yeah. Hey. Crown him. David Borey. You know what? I'm not going to call her.
Starting point is 02:04:34 I'm not going to call her now. Two strips of bacon on that burger. Maybe. Was going to call her maybe. Not anymore. Not anymore. I'll call her. I'll call her. She's dank. She dank. She alright. Sean's still in. Yeah, I'll hit the digits. Also, watch every episode of Fuller House as well. I did not.
Starting point is 02:04:49 I love it. I don't care. I'm simple. I don't give a shit. I'm basic. I just want... How do they explain Michelle's absence? They break the fourth wall multiple times to be like,
Starting point is 02:05:02 man, it'd be great if Michelle would come and visit us and do i love that i fucking love it every time that's fine i love it like you think either of them is watching this show it's only me it's just me i'm pretty sure it's just me watching fuller house why is she out of it um because she's there's they're billionaires they don't care oh that's right one of them is married to a thousand year old man smoking too many cigarettes Washington Fuller house. Why is she out of it? Because she's, they're billionaires. They don't care. Oh, that's right. They're billionaires. One of them is married to a thousand year old man smoking too many cigarettes.
Starting point is 02:05:29 Right. Isn't one of them married to like Sarkozy's brother or something like that? Yeah. That'd be so buck if they were on that show. But they'd also still
Starting point is 02:05:37 have to split stage time. Yeah. Yeah, but there's nothing like. And now they look drastically different. It's just like, they're just genuinely like coollooking people.
Starting point is 02:05:45 They are cool now. That would be a whack move for them. It would be anywhere with Bob Saget. I don't want to see somebody wearing Chanel say, you got it, dude. I forgot that was there. Or just lighting a cigarette. You got it, dude.
Starting point is 02:05:56 Yeah. Duh. Just lighting a cigarette. How rude. How rude. Oh, you should play Michelle. How rude. How rude. Oh, that was rude. How rude. Oh, you should play Michelle. How rude. How rude.
Starting point is 02:06:07 Oh, that was rude. You don't got to do it. I'm good. That is a great theme song, though. I would be terrified if I actually watch either the Olsen twins just show up on that show right now. Because they are, for sure, none of them, all of them are crispy clean. None of them look like they've fucked over a Linus Morissette
Starting point is 02:06:28 at any point. Didn't one of them, didn't the middle daughter go bad though? She went super bad. Hell of meth dude. She got into meth. She's a DJ on the show. Her DJ name is DJ Tanner.
Starting point is 02:06:42 Do I love that as well? Yes I fucking do. She name is DJ Tanner. Do I love that as well? Yes, I fucking do. She's DJ DJ Tanner? Candace Cameron married a hockey player. Kimmy Gibbler has a brother and Stephanie is dating Kimmy Gibbler's brother. Did they get John Stamos back? Kimmy Gibbler lives with them.
Starting point is 02:06:59 How is that going to happen? Kimmy Gibbler lives there, DJ Tanner lives there. Because everyone leaves and the girls move in and it's the same situation. DJ Tanner's husband is for sure dead. Fire truck thing. Did Joey make it? Not too much detail.
Starting point is 02:07:13 Is it a stand-up comic? Joey's living in Vegas, making that stand-up money. Joey is. I did it. I opened for Dave Coulier one time. He's so clean that when he flips the crowd off, he puts up three fingers so as to not just have the middle finger up. Right between the lines.
Starting point is 02:07:27 Yeah. And then, by the way, he had himself a Miller Lite after the show, really cut loose after the last show. Left with two girls. Sure. Mr. Clean. But he won't flip anybody off. Mr. Clean went ahead and had himself a Fredo, but he won't flip the crowd off.
Starting point is 02:07:41 He had Alanis Morissette go down him in the movie theater, so I'm not surprised. I can read between those lines. He had a 19-. He had Alanis Morissette go down him in the movie theater. So can we... I'm not surprised. I can read between those lines. He had a 19-year-old Alanis Morissette down on you in... Disabuse yourself of these notions. A dance. A dance. Correction.
Starting point is 02:07:52 That album came out when she was 19. She was 18 when it was even done. It was a slap in the face. How quickly I was replaced. That song goes. That whole album does. Yeah. That's a really good album.
Starting point is 02:08:03 Such a jagged little pill. But yeah, great theme song. Great theme song. It's one of the best. Hell yeah. I really want to, I'm going to say what I'm not going to take, even though it's going to still be on the board. I'm almost 100% sure neither of you are going to take this.
Starting point is 02:08:17 Maybe I shouldn't say it. I won't say it. I'll say it at the end. Okay. We'll do it. We'll have a quick thing after. So instead of this, what I am going to take is a song by a man named John Tesh called Round Ball Rock, otherwise known as the NBA on NBC theme song.
Starting point is 02:08:33 Shit. That's so shit. Hell yeah. Does that count? I didn't even know that counted. I didn't even know that counted. That shit is so good. Dude, you just get to Round Ball Rock. I didn't even know it had ana. That shit is so good. Dude, you just get to Rambo Rock.
Starting point is 02:08:45 I didn't even know it had a name. That shit is so good. He gets paid so much money now. Yeah. John Tash. Well, it's not in use anymore. I love the John Tash. There's no NBA on NBC.
Starting point is 02:08:54 It's all on the ABC family of networks and TNT. Let's play it. Just play it every now and again in the show. I would fucking kill it. I would fucking kill it. I'm sure Tash would be down. Tash. This footage, do yourself a favor and look up footage of Tesh performing it live.
Starting point is 02:09:05 Okay. It's amazing. I'll watch it tonight. That song is so good. It gets you so excited for basketball. It does. Oh, I'm just thinking about it now. The Phoenix Suns and Thunder Dan Marley travel to Denver to take on Daikembe Mutumbu.
Starting point is 02:09:20 No, no, no. Daikembe Mutumbu. Not in my house. My dad. No, no, no daikinbe mutumbo not in my house my dad no no no my dad is one of those like people who's so liberal that he's almost
Starting point is 02:09:28 circling around to being racist again that's a classic problem and the way he does that is like he like over pronounces daikinbe mutumbo who said his own name
Starting point is 02:09:37 which is daikinbe mutumbo yeah but he my dad is like daikinbe mutumbo daikinbe Mutumbu. Daikinbe Mutumbu. I'm like, I don't think it's Daikinbe Mutumbu.
Starting point is 02:09:56 That's weird. But what his name really is, is Dikembe Mutumbo. Oh, wow. I'm not going to pronounce it. You don't even want to. You don't want these problems. Mpulando Makamba Janjak Wamutumbo. Well, that's. I'd like to going to pronounce that. You don't want these problems. Mpulando, Mocamba, Janjak, Wamutombo. Well, that's... I'd like to hear Ivan say that.
Starting point is 02:10:08 Mpulando, Mocamba, Janjak, Wamutombo. I don't even know what country he's from. Wamutombo, sorry. Wamutombo. He's a Congolese. Yeah. They got a lot of issues down there. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:10:20 No. I know. I know. I'm from the poorest country in Africa I'm the only one that can do that because I know the exact political climate in Sierra Leone it's been better shout out to the Coromar government
Starting point is 02:10:37 you can take over the country with a couple hot knives that's my plan NBA on NBC with a couple hot knives. That's my plan. NBA, NBC, Rambo Rock. This gives you so hype for basketball. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 02:10:51 Conjures images of Scottie Pippen, Larry Johnson, Reggie Miller, Reggie Miller dancing through your head. Larry Bird stiffly throwing a behind the back pass.
Starting point is 02:11:01 Oh, but since I'm hammering it on the couch and I'm your dad, I'm going to need you to watch this Larry Bird VHS that I act like I've never showed you when I get drunk every single time. That was my dad. That was my dad. Pat Jordan classic. Chantel. Big move.
Starting point is 02:11:12 Sean Cougar, it is time for your fifth pick. This is Jeopardy! Oh! Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Da-na-na-na-na-na-na Da-na-na-na-na-na-na Da-na-na-na-na-na-na Somebody won Jeopardy with a dollar the other day. Seen that. A fucking never happened before.
Starting point is 02:11:38 It's been a season of highs and lows for Jeopardy. I see it. It's my favorite game show of all time. Always will be, I think. The super producer, not Marissa, Merv Griffin, wrote the theme song for Jeopardy. I see it. It's my favorite game show of all time. Always will be, I think. The super producer, not Marissa, Merv Griffin, wrote the theme song for Jeopardy.
Starting point is 02:11:48 Yes, he did. Really? Yes. Yeah, because it's three chords, you guys. Yeah, it's pretty easy. Yeah, it was. Is that like rocket science?
Starting point is 02:11:55 He didn't kill himself to do it. Yeah. Yeah. He was trying to do cocaine off a piano and accidentally wrote the theme song for Jeopardy. What is that? What is that? I gotta remember that piano and accidentally wrote the theme song.
Starting point is 02:12:05 What is that? I gotta remember that. I gotta remember that fucking song. Let me do the rest of this blow. I'm gonna write a game show around this song. He didn't even know what Jeopardy was yet. Uh-oh. It is classic, and it very much conjures images of being quizzical.
Starting point is 02:12:20 Of course. Yeah. And that was my pick for me. That was a solid pick. I wasn't swinging for any hearts on that one. I mean, you had,
Starting point is 02:12:28 so, I mean, you have songs from the recording artist Will Smith. You went from some hearts. Joe Cocker. And then you went
Starting point is 02:12:35 just clinical. Frank Sinatra, Merv Griffin. You went for the hospital of theme songs. Really? Yeah. Very much.
Starting point is 02:12:43 It is the hospital of theme songs. Just sterile. Just, you know. David, it's time for your final pick. I wrestled with this a lot. This is what I want to say.
Starting point is 02:12:56 It's just, I have to go with my heart. Okay. And I have to go with the Queen Latifah vehicle Living Seat. How you living? In a 90s kind of world, I'm glad I got my girls.
Starting point is 02:13:12 Keep your head up. What? Keep your head up. That's right. Whenever this life gets tough, you gotta fight, because my homegirls dated to my left. Am I right? True blue.
Starting point is 02:13:20 We said light blue. We are living Living single Yeah it was so good It was like That was a really hard one for me Because I just didn't know how to close it I had so many more on the table Love Living Single
Starting point is 02:13:38 One of my favorite TV shows I loved the dynamics between everybody I loved Sinclair I loved Kyle Next Door I loved the dynamics between everybody. I loved Sinclair. I loved Kyle Next Door. I loved Overton. I remember Overton. Maxine. Maxine. The wealthy lawyer that
Starting point is 02:13:53 freeloaded off of them. Yeah, she was always eating all their food. I also loved Kyle because as a kid I think that was the coolest guy to me. He always was wearing vaguely African clothing and he had a very deep voice. And he was super like a strange, like almost London or like almost a British,
Starting point is 02:14:11 like I don't understand his accent. It was beautiful. Oh, Maxine, you scallywag. It was like, yeah. Living single theme song.
Starting point is 02:14:20 He's going to say Jai Z. Can I just say, I wanted to go, what's our name? What's our, what's's the Honey Farmer's name? Oh, Jesse Uh... What's the Honey Farmer's name?
Starting point is 02:14:31 He might have written... Jesse Frederick. What I wanted to pick last, because I feel like he might have wrote it, was the step-by-step theme song. He did. I can feel it in his heart. And Perfect Strangers. I can feel his heart. I can feel his heart now. We're one. But yeah, that's my last pick but like
Starting point is 02:14:46 shit I had so many do you guys have a bunch on the we didn't take so many on the book oh the one that Alan Thicke wrote the song that he wrote
Starting point is 02:14:53 that no one picked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Facts of Life theme song oh that one was so I wanted to take Curb Your Enthusiasm the one I wanted to take
Starting point is 02:15:01 was Welcome Back, Connor only because Mace sampled it but it's also not a very popular one which is surprising welcome back salute your shorts I wanted to take was Welcome Back, Cotter. Only because Mace sampled it. But it's also not a very popular one, which is surprising. Welcome back. Salute your shorts, I wanted to take. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. I also wanted to take Tailspin.
Starting point is 02:15:15 Tailspin Solid. I was thinking Animaniacs. Darkwing Duck. I didn't know why to do Animaniacs. Darkwing Duck, Rescue Rangers I wanted to take. Is that we're tiny, we're toony We're all a little loony And in this cartoony we're invading your TV That's Tiny Toons
Starting point is 02:15:30 We crack up all the centers Yeah that's Tiny Toons Adventures I'm talking about How does Animaniacs We are zany to the max So just sit back and relax You'll laugh till you collapse. For Animaniacs.
Starting point is 02:15:47 That's all the facts. Come join the Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister Dot. That show was awesome. Oh, there was bologna in there. I mean, all these awesome shows. Well, Bill Clinton plays a sax. Yes. Let's go.
Starting point is 02:15:58 Bobby's World. Oh, dude, do it again. A little bit. Bobby's World. Bobby's World? Holy shit. Bobby's World. I can only say the name of the show.
Starting point is 02:16:04 Wow, good job. Thank you. That was pretty dope. What's something he Holy shit. Bobby's world. I can only say the name of the show. Good job. Thank you. That was pretty dope. What's something he might say in that show? I'll try to say it. Uncle Howie. Uncle Howie. Yeah, that's a little wow.
Starting point is 02:16:13 A little bit? Yeah. Coming for your throne, Mandel. And I'm not afraid of germs. I get dirty. The monkeys? Hey, hey, we're the monkeys. People say we're monkeys.
Starting point is 02:16:25 Also the fucking Brady Bunch. Yes. And that smart guy, both of them. The Monkees? Hey, we're the Monkees. People say we're Monkees. Also the fucking Brady Bunch. Yes. I also had Smart Guy, both of them. Which one? Smart Guy, but both of them. He had two different ones? Well, he had the one that was Smart Guy.
Starting point is 02:16:39 But then he had a hip-hopped out one where Mo rapped and he said, The intelligence of a grown man trapped inside of a young brain. There was also Mo to the the, E to the. Yeah, Moesha was on my list. I also had Martin because it was just six words. I'm the man. Martin. The Sanford and Son theme. Isn't What's Happening had a good one too?
Starting point is 02:17:02 I'm trying to remember that one. Oh. I can't remember what's... I had Good Times though. Oh, Good Times. Hanging in a chair line. Good times. Yeah, there's like...
Starting point is 02:17:14 The Sopranos and The Wire, the HBO two-step, and Curb. All three of those have good ones. I mean, Game of Thrones has a pretty dank one. I had Charles and Charge. Charles and Charge is great. Sister, Sister. 30 Rock has a fucking great theme song. We could literally do another one. Oh, yeah. Charles and Charge. Charles and Charge is great. Sister, Sister. 30 Rock has a fucking great theme song. We could literally do another one.
Starting point is 02:17:27 I know. I'm interested to hear these lists. Oh, from people? Yeah. Yeah, I'm really excited to see them. So just a quick- And like the ones we forgot, it'll be crazy. Star Trek The Next Generation.
Starting point is 02:17:37 Oh, my gosh. X-Files. Those are two good ones. Oh, dude. X-Files still freaks my shit out. We didn't even touch dramas. We didn't. We didn't touch dramas.
Starting point is 02:17:44 Oh, Tame the Hill is good. Wow. We didn't touch dramas. Oh, Tame the Hill is good. Wow. Like a Law and Order fucking song. We didn't even jump out with Ballers and Entourage were both on my list, dude. Entourage? Yeah, that was going to be on there. Uh-huh. That's my least favorite part of the show, but I love you.
Starting point is 02:17:59 So to recap, Solomon, you started off with The Golden Girls and then with DuckTales, In Living Color, Shaft, and then Full House. I went second and picked The Simpsons, The Muppet Show, The Jeffersons, Knight Rider, and then The NBA on NBC. So dank. Sean, you went third and picked The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, The Wonder Years, Cheers, Married with Children, and Jeopardy. David, you went Family Matters, Growing Pains, Malcolm in the Middle, Who's the Boss, and then Living Single.
Starting point is 02:18:26 God. Jeez. Hell yeah. I don't. I tried to go everywhere. I don't even know. Good luck voting on this, guys. Yeah, this sucks for you guys.
Starting point is 02:18:34 I don't even want to fucking even. It really just depends on how you spent your time as a kid. It does. Yeah. It's just like what channel you liked. The winners are us for getting some queso dip. Oh, yeah. And pepper jelly.
Starting point is 02:18:46 Yep. So once again, shout out to the listeners. Send us your lists on Twitter. We love seeing that. Please do. Send us your suggestions for episodes. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Shout out to HelloFresh, our sponsor.
Starting point is 02:18:59 Again, go to HelloFresh and check that out. And yeah, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clack-a-tee! Damn! that was a hate gum podcast

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