All Fantasy Everything - Types of Pants (w/ Zach Harper)
Episode Date: May 29, 2025We wear 'em, we love 'em, we draft 'em.Guest:Zach HarperSupport the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exc...lusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Podcast.
McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's.
Tender, juicy, and its own sauce.
Would you look at that?
Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious.
New McCrispy strips, now at McDonald's.
Autotune this.
I'll sell him.
Dancing on the dance floor in my linen pants, girl.
I know you can feel my boner.
Okay, Isaac, I know what he just said.
It is the funniest thing to do if you don't do this.
Welcome to another brand new episode of The Real Housewives. All laugh All laugh Music
Music
Welcome to another brand new episode
of Yellow Sunglasses Yellow Thing
I'm your host Yellow Sunglasses
Carmel. Yellow Sunglasses Yellow
Thing is that what you say? Yeah
We're all wearing
sunglasses
David's got the Oakley
Invisibles, dude.
I pantomimed.
You don't know about the Oakley Invisibles?
They were-
Harper used to sling them for days.
When Harper was working. 225.
Yeah.
What's the most expensive pair of Oakleys?
I mean, the ones with the-
The speakers.
The speakers were like 495.
495? What?
Well, it depends on how much memory you had in them.
How much memory you had in them
It wasn't a lot that is that was like oh five that was back when you had to load songs directly
Yeah, you were wearing songs. Yeah, there's something kind of cool about that. That's a cable. I would have lost immediately
I can't charge my sunglasses. I don't think I'm gonna make it. I think it was like an eight hour charge. A girl's in your room like are these the speaker box? Here put these
on let's have sex. I lost the charger. Is D'Angelo playing? Let You know what it is? It's back to back crazy town.
Week two.
I know.
Yeah, it's crazy that happened a week ago.
That's crazy. That was a whole week ago.
Crazy town thing.
Today we are drafting kinds of pants.
Our guest is a real son of a bitch.
Zach Harper.
Do I look at the camera?
You can point at the camera. Do I look at the camera?
I'm pointing the camera.
You can point at the camera?
Yeah, point at the camera.
I'm your host Ian Carmel, and with me, as always,
are my friends and comedian Sean Jordan and David Borey.
We're podcasting.
What's happening?
We're in person.
This rules, by the way.
I wasn't vocal about it last episode.
This is so dope.
Because you hate Rob Haines.
You hate Rob.
It's pretty- Isn't that your least favorite comedian?
It's pretty out of wax that I'm a big fan of Rob.
I had to fight to not tell him when he was just-
How much you love him?
When he was here a week ago.
Well, why would you not tell someone?
Oh, a week ago.
I think he gets sick of it.
I think he, I don't know, is it,
when someone gives you like a-
Yeah, no, you're right.
You know, shit, I get it all the time.
I get sick of it.
Especially in a comedy.
Try it. I will try it. It can feel awkward. You can be like, ah the time. I can take a minute. Especially in a comedy. Try it.
I will try it.
It can feel awkward.
You can be like, ah, thanks.
You know what I mean?
I think you're beautiful.
I think you have an amazing soul.
I love you to pieces.
I love that we're friends.
I love that we got to talk about meeting you.
I never thought about this.
When Harper met us, he just walked into a room
of three people he didn't know.
And it happened to be me, you, and Nam Pei,
the three coolest people you could get.
Well, three of the four.
Wait, were you a Conegus?
Three of the five.
No, I was not a Conegus.
He was a Las Jaguars.
But yeah, you get it, walking in with three strangers
and that'd be crazy.
Anyway, I love you, man.
It's good to see you.
What has Kanye been up to since then?
Oh, I saw a crazy thing this morning around him.
Isaac, load the clip.
What?
I know it's just a six hour retrospective on everything that's happened since Kanye again.
I saw a crazy thing this morning.
What was it?
It was like a news clip of, I'm pretty sure
it's like this week, of there's like this loud noise
coming from a warehouse somewhere in LA.
And it sounds like he, there was like a flyer
where he's recruiting men to be in like some kind of choir,
but it said, no fat people,
and you must be comfortable wearing swastikas.
You want a choir with no fat people? Good luck.
Yeah, tough.
And then they're like, there's loud music playing
at all times of the day, it's near a school,
and it sounds like they're doing push-ups all the time.
There is not a room I want to walk in less...
Yeah.
...than with all those descriptors.
Yeah.
Kanye's all skinny militia?
Yeah.
Well, they're doing pushups,
so they're not gonna be skinny for long.
No, I guess I'll have to be yoked.
That's wild.
Yeah.
A masculine choir?
Doesn't work, right?
I mean, there's like the Harlem Boys Choir.
Yeah.
There's a statuette.
Oh, you have to be a boy.
You have to be a boy.
Right.
There's not like all men choirs? I'm sure there's like step. Oh, you have to be a boy. It's not like a boy, right? He's there's not like all men choirs there. I'm sure there well, there's the game
There's like gay men's choirs, and I'm sure there's right. Oh
They're sure they're straight
Men's choirs and mix and mix as well I don't know about congues. That was yellow glasses, Carmel. It kind of sounds like it's right up my alley.
Look at Ian Carmel.
He's gonna go join congues, fire.
Ian, Ian, choir Mel.
Let me, so I told you earlier,
I was like, remind me to
tell you the coming story.
C-O-M-I-N-G. Cause it was a weird thing to hear.
But... It is a promise on the last week's episode or not? to tell you the coming story, C-O-M-I-N-G, because it was a weird thing to hear, but.
It is a promise on the last week's episode or not?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think we were talking about it.
It was how my cousin, so my little nephew.
Uh-oh, this is not gonna start.
He was like, we made a card at his school.
I got to go to like special persons day.
Isaac, you should say we won.
Zach, can you move your mic out of your,
your face is not showing and we wanna see
your beautiful face.
What camera?
Like, move it tilted sideways and downwards,
you know what I mean?
Why don't you come do it?
Why don't you get a little FaceTime?
Why don't you come get a little FaceTime?
How much more tilted down do you want it to be?
Don't get defensive!
Get off the chest!
I will get defensive!
Don't get defensive!
Get off the chest, Cam!
I'll get this shit done emotional!
Don't get defensive!
Patreon.com slash emotional hoops.
We are talking about basketball, we never talk about it on here. Sean's got another podcast and David has one too! Get off the chest cam. Don't get defensive. patreon.com slash emotional hoops.
We are talking about basketball. We never talk about it on here.
Sean's got another podcast and David has one too.
If you don't have enough.
Of the AFV boys.
What's yours called again? It's Nice To Be Nice.
I was on there.
And David's is called The Delicious Dish.
That's right.
It's by Alma.
Wait is that a real podcast about hot ladies? No. What?
It's you making food on Amazon.
Yeah.
It's about food.
Oh.
David's got a podcast on Amazon Prime.
Oh.
It's a delicious dish.
I was thinking about like some kind of a stripper reality competition.
Okay, well now I'm interested.
Listen, I didn't get to put a button on that story.
People still don't know what I was about to say
and it sounds insane.
Oh, the coming story's good.
So my nephew, he was writing inside the card,
thank you for coming to special people's day.
And he goes, coming as two M's, right?
And I go, yeah.
And then I'm like, wait a minute.
So I Googled it, sitting in his classroom,
I Googled how to spell it.
And then I go-
It's C-U. No, I did not. So I googled it sitting in his classroom. I googled how to spell it and then I go see you
No, I did not I typed in COM and then I'm like, oh Oscar I wasn't paying attention
It's only one M
I thought so cuz then if you would have left it spelled wrong, right?
Everybody would have thought he spelled it wrong and you know, maybe the juice wasn't worth the squeeze on that story
But no, no, I like this. No, I like that story. Thank you. I appreciate it. And I like you
I like that story. You don't like that story?
You don't like it?
I'm gonna tell it again at the barbecue.
I'm gonna cast a wider hand.
Hey everybody, stop for a second.
I got a standing up on a bench.
Oh, well I just set the card down on the table.
Oh, it's funny, you should ask about the card
my nephew made me that has one M erased
in the word coming.
Just holding Arthur, like right?
C-O-M-M-I-N-G.
So it's one M.
There is no way to say it, you're right, sorry.
It's not a bad story.
Oh, I like to joke.
I genuinely like it.
No, but it's a rough word to have in that story.
I don't know if it's a take up five minutes
of the podcast story.
I'll take up more time, you threaten me?
See, let's do it.
Nah, I don't think I can.
Tell it again, tell it in Spanish.
Yo soy, a la Oscar Escuela.
No, keep going. Personas especiales. Soy... Oscar Escuela.
Soy soy and Oscar Escuela.
Día de personas especiales.
Y Oscar...
You said E and Oscar.
How do you say they said?
Hablé?
Man, Isaac, you're gonna have to cut out everything I've said so far.
It's gonna be really weird. Just cut in two to back-to-back crazy town songs. Yeah, come a lady. How do you spell that kind of come?
Probably the KMS. That was probably K you have come and go
That guy that guy
That fucking guys Sean Jordan. Oh man Sean Coomer Mel and Jordan on Instagram something on blues guy
Yeah, I think it's still the long one. Yeah, um has this come out by May 30th Sean Kuhlerman on Instagram, something on Blue Sky.
Yeah, I think it's still the long one.
Yeah.
Has this come out by May 30th?
This is gonna be May 29th.
Hey, come see me in Denver tomorrow.
Dude IDK Studios, I'm very excited to do it.
And check the calendar, there's stuff coming down
the pipeline and also we have New Orleans merch.
We have leftover merch from the New Orleans shows.
We made Sugar Bowl champs t-shirts.
We got Bookin' hats.
We got cups.
We got regular hats.
And yeah, hit me in the DMs.
Everything's dope.
I'll post pictures of it.
It's a great shirt.
I stole one.
It's fantastic.
Yeah, it's good.
They don't look exactly like us.
There's three friends on there.
There are three friends.
And they have the same sort of relationship.
Yeah.
It kind of looks like a bootleg version
of what they would sell.
Which is obviously pretty cool, yeah.
Appealing.
I think they actually do look like us.
I actually think they kind of nailed it.
Yeah, I mean, I.
Like in that episode.
Sean likes that he's in the middle
and a foot and a half taller than both of us.
That's why Sean likes this shirt.
You know what it feels like in that Martin episode
where she gets the t-shirt at the Whitney Houston concert?
Yeah.
And she's like, who's Witty Hutton?
Who's Witty Hutton?
Which is, I want a Witty Hutton shirt.
Who's Witty Hutton?
And since we were in New Orleans,
it says, Le Bon De Bon Vibration,
which is French for the band of the Good Vibes Gang.
Tight.
I didn't know that.
Oh yeah.
That's how much I looked into it.
Because they're like, Le Bon Temp, Le Roulette,
let the good times roll.
Let's make music together.
Oui, oui. David Borty the good times roll. Chabon, let's make music together. Oui, oui.
Uh.
Ho, ho, ho.
David Bordy's here, KogaiJokes87 on Instagram.
Said it like the Rat King.
Ho, ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho.
Rat King?
That's what I was doing to all the crazy town boys
last night.
Who's the Rat King?
Like, crazy town?
He was a Ninja Turtles character.
Was he French?
Yeah, he was Bat and Rouge.
Oh, he was Cajun Rouge.
Wow, I guess he was.
Oh, I thought it was when a bunch of rats' tails
get tied together.
That is a different kind of rat king.
That's a New York rat king.
Oh, that happens, doesn't it?
That just happens to him.
I don't know if it happens.
Has anyone actually seen it?
No, I don't think, I think it's an urban legend.
I think it's an urban legend.
Fuck you, dude.
You know what? This is what it's like. Isaac can't hide it because we're on video.
This is what it's like when Crazy Town doesn't hit at the bar.
You've been on tilt since then.
And a guy in a full American flag romper walks by.
I'm staying an extra day.
I'm going to go back there and I'm going to sit there until it hits.
You think I won't go back tonight?
An hour both ways?
After this barbecue?
Not to re-litigate a thing we talked about a week ago,
but they were 25.
That's like if we were 25 at a bar
and someone went on and put on like...
But they were singing Creed, like, at the top of their lungs.
But Creed is... Creed...
Agreed. Agreed.
Crazy Town is a millennial deep cut.
Yes. Crazy Town is a millennial deep...
That didn't make it.
If you like surface millennial songs
in the same way like a lot of us like,
we like 80s music, but we don't love like the deep.
Like you know how Oingo Boingo
didn't really make it to millennials?
Right.
You know there's stuff from the 80s,
it would have been like, yo, they're gonna go crazy.
Or Iko Iko.
Or is it Iko Iko, Iko Iko, Iko Iko.
I said Iko Iko, fucking sue me Iko Iko? Iko Iko. Iko Iko. I said Iko Iko.
Fucking sue me.
I'm getting on Sean's level.
In New Orleans.
From the other draft in New Orleans,
which you can get on Patreon,
our live New Orleans drafts.
I said Iko Iko.
I called it Iko Iko and I was corrected.
And then in a thread on Reddit,
where somebody was saying they were worried
about how many jazz vinyls I was buying,
another person. I'm worried about the jazz vinyls I was buying. Another person.
I'm worried about the jazz vinyls you're buying.
Coming to my defense.
I didn't know Dana was on Reddit.
So that, yeah.
That's it.
That was, I.
She's on it.
That's so funny.
Another person came to my.
Her name on Reddit is the author of The Household.
Yeah.
The actual writer.
Another person came to my, my defense was like,
I think it's cute that he pronounced us Iko Iko
and back an owl wrong.
You know?
I would have called it the grandma song.
The grandma song.
Yo grandma, my grandma.
But anyway, the uncle grandpa song,
they were both in very, they were both,
neither one of those upset me.
They were both in very good spirits.
I loved it. it was really fun.
They're talking about you on there, dude.
What's the me talk on there?
You want me to pull it up right now?
I don't know, do I?
I don't know if we should feed this to Reddit.
If we should feed the Reddit beast?
It's happening, hold on.
Don't do it.
See, Isaac hates it.
Isaac's not here.
A lot of vinyl reddits come up early.
Isaac hates, dude, that's your,
is that your Reddit handle, Isaac hates?
Like Isaac Hayes was kind of an Isaac Hayes joke.
Oh.
Didn't go over it all.
So cut that out.
No.
Superdictor, I just said have Sean's riffs been getting worse?
It's the top, it's got 9,000 upvotes.
Machine gun Kelly commented on it.
See, that was all right.
That was a riff, I didn't plan that.
Yeah, here's a- I woke up and I'm like working machine gun Kelly. Ser was a riff, I didn't plan that.
Yeah, here's a serpentine scrub.
Now what is that?
Someone found the word serpentine in the wild.
Somebody posted babe wake up,
new Shane nicknames just dropped
where somebody's selling t-shirts
that say fart and Scorsese.
David Gronenberg, Orson Swells,
Pablo Picasso and Cy Tumbley.
But like Cysy what?
Fart and Scorsese somebody knows what's when you're like it was there the whole time
I bet you I was like fart fart fart and scores gravy is right there, too
You want to take it one step farther fart and Lawrence?
Lawrence you got farting on the someone get Sean on the phone and then beer in all right
I'm sorry
Okay, sir Charlie Shane one we could do to
Movie house party three
Shane posted the bagel joke again the other day.
Oh, I fucking snuck the bagel joke into a sketch
on the Tonight Show.
That's hilarious.
Did you tell Shane?
Not yet, I gotta send it to him.
You should send him a check for like a dollar.
I gotta send it to him.
Oh yeah, for his original thought?
Yeah, see, here's for your IP.
Or just send him a thing of everything bagels.
Crip up the kitchen, someone gets Sean on the phone.
There's a, and then-
That's real?
Yeah.
And then Sean Jordan, bassist,
where they went to a concert
and they thought the bassist looked like Sean Jordan.
What band was it, Slightly Stupid?
No, that's fucking Slipknot, dude.
I usually got a mask on.
See what the comments here on this one.
Was the opener gear crisis?
I think you could take a picture of any band.
This would be accurate a fair amount of the time.
I'm into this.
Hey Sean, what's the scale length on that Fender P-Base?
Nine inches.
That's Sean if he never took that Gravity Bong hit
as a child.
And then somebody said,
congratulations on seeing your second tall white guy.
That's, you know, I think they're pretty fun over there.
That Gravity Bong hit did really,
it really soured me on marijuana, I think.
The band is called The Record Company.
And then somebody pointed out that I set 100,000 views
on my YouTube special and I'd post full hog.
So now I gotta post full hog.
The cameras are on right now.
Although I think we should take it tonight at my house.
What if you were like, hey, I won the lottery yesterday
and you just pulled your hog out right now?
I don't care.
No, but...
That would really be the best way a podcast ever ended.
This is how I wanted to tell you guys.
What if I sat back down and we just continued the draft?
Anyway, David, where are you gonna be?
Can I? Okay.
It's out.
I don't know if I ever told you guys this,
so I was...
Lauren, I'll challenge her to a typing test
every now and again.
That feels like a mistake. She always wins. So I try to get her to, I'll challenge her to a spell, a typing test every now and again. That feels like a mistake.
She always wins.
So I try to get her to do as many times as she will.
And then after three, she's like, I'm not doing it anymore.
So one night I just took one on my own
and I was, I still didn't get the WPMs I wanted.
And I slammed my computer.
What'd you get?
It's like 68, trying to get up in the seventies.
So I slammed my computer and then I hopped up
and ran across the room.
I was in pain and I go to Laura, I was like,
what do you think just happened? Cause I was in pain and I go to Laura, I was like, what do you think just happened?
Cause I was in pain and she goes, I don't know,
is there a bug?
And I go, I shut about a millimeter
of the top of my penis into my computer and I smashed it.
Why was your dick out during the test?
It wasn't out, it wasn't out.
I had on mesh shorts.
I had on mesh shorts and it was like, it tucked under
and I just went boom and I'm like, no!
And I jumped up and it was bleeding
at the very tip of it.
It was insane.
And I guess she's like, I was never gonna guess that.
You gave yourself the old Mavis beacon.
Winners for mesh.
Cause it does make it sound like I was doing it naked.
Trying to distract her, I put the goods out.
Type faster than me with this thing.
Type like this. That's how she knows Sean's in the mood. I'm trying to distract her, I put the goods out. Type faster than me with this thing.
He's been holding me back.
That's how she knows Sean's in the mood.
Oh, he's naked taking a typing test again.
I'll warm it up.
Real subtle.
I'm taking my typing test the way
the ancient Greeks took theirs.
That's how I do it at the DMV,
that's how I do it at home.
Yeah.
Oh, anyway.
A lot of the stuff you get up to when you're alone,
I could never guess, but I'm never surprised.
Yeah.
It is, and it's always like,
it sounds like it's a crazy run there,
and then you're like, no, I guess that does make sense.
It does logically track.
Yeah, but you're in the garage.
That he's just randomly challenging
Laura to typing tests?
That makes sense?
I put on the Mortal Kombat theme, I go, it's time.
What's the website?
If you just type in typing test, you gonna do it?
We can cut this out, or this could be Patreon bonus content.
Typing test, completed typing test.
Oh, it takes 60 seconds?
Yeah.
Oh, what are you gonna get accurate after 15 seconds?
Well, 30 second test.
No, whack, dude, at least a minute.
Easy, medium, or hard, or benchmark. You're talking about No, whack dude, at least a minute. Easy, medium, or hard?
Or benchmark?
You're talking about my bad dude?
It was pretty medium.
But it was, I usually keep it easy.
I'm not trying to get semi-colons in there.
I don't think that's an accurate descriptor.
Semi-colons?
Semi-colons?
No, that wasn't the, that wasn't the.
What, semi-colons?
No, no.
Semi-more, I'm doing a Seinfeld bit now.
Yeah, no, I don't think that would make it easy hard or medium is make it hard would it yeah
Isn't it just about tight right there shit. It's it's right there finger
Okay, everybody take one
I know I mean I'll take one too. I'm probably like I gotta get I'm probably like over a hundred
I gotta put different choice on it. I'm not a I'm I'm probably like over a hundred. I gotta put different shorts on if I'm really gonna do this.
I'm wearing shorts.
You are not over a hundred.
I mean it is.
He's a professional writer who,
I wrote 2000 words in 45 minutes the other day.
Yeah.
What does that shake out to?
I don't think that's-
I loved watching your eyes try to go to the bathroom
for a second.
I tried to look through,
is it in the back of my head, the answer to that question?
I still, what's 2000 divided by 45?
It's less than 100 in it.
Right, but there was thought going into it.
Like I wasn't just typing and over and over and over.
Like I wrote an article.
It's trying to make me watch a fucking
two minute commercial before it gives me my results.
That's how they get you.
Eat shit.
Did you just do it? Yeah, but I got a lot of typos man. Oh, yeah
Well, they're gonna ding you. See I don't do typos. I don't let typos ride. You don't do them. Well, I wouldn't let me go back.
Oh, this is a weird janky fucking. Yeah, it's not let me skip this ad. It feels anti-semitic. It's anti-semitic.
Jew Orleans! Jew Orleans!
And invited me to a choir Skip ad. It feels anti-Semitic. It's anti-Semitic. Jew Orleans, Jew Orleans! And invited me to a choir.
Skip ad, skip ad, bro.
Skip ad, bro.
Okay, I don't know, I type faster than you.
I'm pretty confident of that.
Jackass. Maybe.
I'm pretty nice for that.
I'm a professional writer.
Yeah.
You guys have fun.
Doesn't mean I can't type.
No one said you couldn't.
It's weird, like all day, we do that. Yeah. I write all day too, it's just manifesto stuff. Yeah, well that's true. Okay, I can't type. No one said you couldn't. It's weird, like all day we do that.
I write all day too, it's just manifesto stuff.
Yeah, okay, I didn't think about that.
I think I'm not writing all day, I'm in the lab, dude.
Well, if you had a scrolling things in your own feces
on the wall of a cabin, I bet you'd be faster than me.
50 shits a minute.
David, where can people see you?
Actually, scrawling my new hour on the walls of the bathroom
at the Little Field in Brooklyn on June 15th.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
June 14th, I'm in Sacramento.
June 13th, I'm in Petaluma.
Sac town, baby.
What a lovely time to be in New York.
In Sacramento.
In Sacramento.
They don't call it Sac town, right?
Yes.
How?
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
Cause Nutsack, Nutsacktown.
But there's no K.
It's, I can hear it.
I hear the K.
There's a part of town called Old Sack as well.
Nutsack.
Which is crazy.
Old Sack?
Old Sack, yeah.
Old Sack is nice.
I like it.
You just gotta own it at that point.
You're like, we're calling it Sacktown, you know?
So what?
There's a few gray hairs. It's as good as the new sack.
Old sack kinda hangs down at the bottom of the city.
Little bit, yeah.
Not sack.
No.
Zach Harper's here at Talk Hoops.
He works for the New York Times, back in the day.
Sure do, yeah, well I did.
Barely can type 100 words a minute or something.
Who gives a shit?
You! You, yay!
I also don't care that I never won
Portland's Funniest Person, who do I care?
Doesn't matter to me at all.
Did you know that I was nominated in the Willamette Week
poll for best Portland comedian,
and I had to respectfully decline?
Wow.
Is it because you don't live there?
It's because I don't live,
and have not lived in Portland for 10 years,
and at first, I was feeling all big dick about it.
Yeah.
Right?
I was like, nah, I haven't been there for like a decade, dude.
Still making the list, baby.
And then it dawned on me when I was emailing this woman
where I was like, oh, it's such an honor, thank you.
But you know, I would, I'd rather not
because I haven't lived there for 10 years.
And she was like, oh, I didn't know that.
And I was like, oh.
Oh. Didn't make enough of a dent. Oh, can you believe I haven't lived there for 10 years. And she was like, oh, I didn't know that. And I was like, oh. Oh.
Didn't make enough of a dent.
Oh, she didn't even know I don't live in Portland.
So she was just like this Ian Carmel fella.
I guess she's got this dick weed on there.
It's been 10 years we've scraped from the bottom.
God damn, really dizzying, dizzying affair for your boy.
Yeah, I did win that one, so whatever.
Yeah, well, that's winnable.
You don't even have to win there. I won the first Portland's one,
there's a really bad painting of me.
I like that painting.
You do?
I think it looks good.
You know what, let me amend that statement.
The painting is good.
I don't like the picture they based it on,
and I've never liked that picture.
Sure, yeah, I could see that.
Yeah, I'm like at my skinniest, it's weird.
That was one of your first
lost on the weight photos.
Yeah, I look weird.
I don't think you look weird,
but I could see why you would want a different picture.
I like how I look now more.
I would have loved if they painted
the way I looked when I won it.
Sure. Big beard, dude.
Where can people see you?
Oh, God.
Um.
Yep. Just subscribe to The Bounce. How many people see you? Out of God. Um, yep.
Just subscribe to The Bounce.
It's a free newsletter, theathletic.com slash The Bounce.
Whether you like basketball or not, just subscribe.
Open it every couple of days.
You don't have to open it every day.
Also, I just bought, this is exciting.
I think you're gonna like this.
El Camino?
No, well, no.
I bought six pairs of a savage Fenty collaboration boxer brief
$140 worth of boxer briefs for six dollars a pair you can't
He smells pussy in the air
$36 for $140 with a box of briefs.
Crazy deal.
What? Yes. Where?
I got an ad on the word worth around the lot.
I'll send you the link. I'll send you the link.
Isaac's got ice cubes on his nipples now.
You have had my number this entire time.
I don't know if I'm trusting an Instagram ad
about Savage Fenty Boxers.
I made the goddamn...
I got the email, sir.
I write all day.
I wrote 2,000 words in 45 minutes the other day.
Is the email from Fenty?
Yeah, it's from Sauvage.
You talked to Jon Sauvage?
Are we talking about Savage Fenty?
Oh, maybe that's what it is.
Yeah. Yes. Savage.
Dog! I thought you were trying to say it was a Johnny Depp Rihanna...
I did too!
I was here in Sauvage and say it was a Johnny Depp
Whatever the hundred four dollars with the underwear for six months of me just say by the way you can't say so much Fenty
This is six thousand dollars worth of can
If you want to buy it at six thousand dollars actually I'll let you have every honest underwear. I do not what you have. That is not what you have.
Six to ten business days.
Six to ten.
Right now a Taiwanese sweatshop has it.
I've seen that ad. Is it just the ones that are
Broxah Briefs and they just say Savage
Fenty on the top?
I don't know what they say on it. They were bright green and bright blue.
I think those might be fake.
I have seen that ad.
They were six6 a piece.
They were supposed to be 140 total.
You can't get like Joe Boxster underwear
for $6 a piece.
Underwear is pricey.
I know it's women's underwear is so much pricier.
The color is blue tees.
But underwear it's like.
Tees nuts.
God, dude, roast city over here.
We'll be right back.
We're back.
You lit them up. We had to go take him in.
Yeah, boxers are expensive.
Yeah, super expensive now.
I think you got some shmatas,
and I think I'd be careful about your...
What's that, did that look real?
It looked fairly real.
They're gonna turn your bad dude gold.
Golder.
Like costume drawer.
Savagefentyatrionanna.Angelfire.com
sent me the confirmation email.
No, it's the Geo City.
You're gonna get herpes, dude.
You're gonna get herpes?
You can't get it twice.
Yeah.
What, are we getting herpes plus?
They can only hurt me once.
I heard you get ESPN with that now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a bundle, yeah.
ESPN sucks, guys.
My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Instagram. Oh no. ESPN with that
My name is Ian Carmel
Ian Carmel on blue sky I can't cool you on YouTube
You can watch my special comfort beyond God's foresight on YouTube. It's now over a hundred thousand views and I'll be posting full hog shortly
short full hog more like it short full hog lay
Short full hog lay Harry I can type He went to like hog like for sure shortful ugly
I'm your new dude. What are things that they do it?
Teacher I'm your new divinity and illusions teacher shortful hog Lee
New Divinity and Illusions teacher, short full Hogley. And if any of you children are wicked,
I'm going to turn you into a bucket full of spaghetti.
Does that happen in Harry Potter?
Yeah, dude.
What?
If you're on acid, it does.
It does.
And the spaghetti has emotions and feelings
and each individual strand has to work
with the other spaghetti.
Does this actually happen in Harry Potter?
I'll watch Harry Potter for a few people
to bucket the spaghetti. Yes, dude!
What if you-
That's what got you in?
I don't like the baseball.
I don't like magic, and I don't really like British kids,
but I'll-
But you love spaghetti?
I love spaghetti.
Oh my god.
What a dumb question.
It's mostly spaghetti.
I didn't know that.
Spaghetti's my least favorite pasta
on a long shot.
That's ridiculous.
Why, what's worse?
Linguine.
Oh well.
The shell.
Angel hair either.
I like the shells.
I don't like angel hair pasta, you're right.
Spaghetti's my second least favorite.
I like angel hair over spaghetti.
Me too, me too, same.
Well I like a thin spaghetti over an angel hair.
I like fettuccine, now we're just saying pasta.
Flat.
We just drank pasta.
You like a pasta fettuccine?
Call an audible. Would you like a drink?
Cavatelli?
Huh?
Can I have one of your drinks?
I'm really thirsty.
Yeah, it's got alcohol in it.
Oh.
I'm not gonna throw it at you.
We'll learn to adjust.
We'll learn to adjust.
Okay.
David, you're gonna have to navigate that.
Buy my book, T-Shirt Swim Club,
and read my Harry Potter fan fiction.
We're a bucket of spaghetti.
Has to defeat Norman Rockwell's ghost
in a game of Quidditch.
Yeah, you win.
Yeah, I got it.
I used to be much better at a long riff.
You're, what are you talking about?
The apple butter one.
I've tried to get the airplane off the ground
a couple times.
On stage?
No, no, no, no.
This is our first time back in person in a while,
so maybe that's what it is actually.
Yeah, I think just give it tomorrow afternoon.
All right, tomorrow afternoon I'm gonna be
coming back at you.
We were in person last week.
That's true.
I was on fire last week.
Yeah, I feel like I didn't even turn on that last one
because of the fuckin' avocado.
Yeah.
I thought you were good.
That was great.
That's a crazy sentence.
Well, today. We're drafting pants. Yeah. Yeah, I thought you were good. It was great crazy sins well today
We're drafting pants. Yeah. Yeah. No are you you have voiced
trepidation about this right
I have said
for a zip tie I
Have expressed set bound about this very topic. Well, I woke up and took a bunch of dichotomies, so I'm ready for it Yeah, yeah
I woke up and took a bunch of dichotomies, so I'm ready for it.
Yeah.
Glass full.
Well, it's part of LA.
You mean diarrhea.
Yeah.
Hey, but we're gonna be late. I got dichotomy.
Yeah, you had the dichotomy of 7-Eleven Pizza at 2 AM.
There's a bunch of blood in my dichotomy.
I don't know.
But you don't like the topic of pants.
I think it's crazy. You got a 7-Eleven Pizza last night.
I got three slices.
Yeah.
And I guess it's not crazy. I tried to force it on David at one point.
I did not want it.
I do think you should learn to want better for yourself.
We didn't have a lot of options at that point.
Yeah.
Okay.
Harper had driven us, he drove us to Hermosa, which is a long way, and then drove us back,
which after, you know, I had to deal with that whole crazy town mess,
so I was in a surly mood.
You were in a foul mood.
Yeah.
Yeah, we needed comfort at this point.
You call it hismosa when you're there, right?
Cause you're kind of a Rogan guy?
I call it Deimosa, cause I'm an ally, yeah.
Hero, ally, one of the good ones.
We're drafting pants.
My trepidation was, I don't know that there are
20 kinds of pants, and I think we're about to find out.
My list is certainly not 20 long.
Mine's 21.
He's going off the top.
Harper's going off the top.
I'm good.
You will see how that shakes out around round three.
We sure will.
It's going to be dank.
You got it.
The way we're going to turn the order of this draft
is a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors
played between the three of you, and we throw and shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
Oh, David wins a paper against two scissors
and a natural victory.
Damn.
The most efficient rock, paper, scissors victory
of all time.
Sometimes I like it when you just don't go at all.
That is a, you got in my kitchen a little bit.
That's why I threw paper.
You threw paper when you were scared?
You threw scissors.
I threw scissors?
Must not have been as scared as I thought.
I guess I'm just reacting to situations in a way that-
This isn't my arm, this is a dead guy's arm.
I don't know, I smell a little dichotomy coming off of me.
Damn it.
David, as the winner doesn't come upon you
to determine the order of today's draft,
but before you do that, I will remind you,
it is a serpentine draft.
And what is that?
That's a great question.
Got some lint on your pants,
you get the lint roller out, clean them on up.
Up.
Down. Down.
All right, basically what it means is you pick
fourth in the first round,
you pick first in the second round.
Now with that in mind,
what will the order of today's pants draft be?
I'm going full boomerang David Harper Ian Sean.
Ooh. Hot corner. All right, enjoy it. I will. Okay. Second to best. I'm going full boomerang David Harper Ian Shaw
Corner all right enjoy it. I will okay second the best huh first or second the best second the best Oh thirds of the nerd with the treasure chest third is the one that Harry
There's a turd there's a turd yeah, no third is not a turd fourth rules
We've heard second the best third is the one with the hairy chest no
Nerd with third because you. No, third's the nerd with,
because you have to rhyme third with something.
Oh, we never played it like that.
The one with the hairy chest.
And I do have a hairy chest.
You do have a hairy chest.
I got a hairy chest too.
I got a hairy chest.
You do have a hairy chest.
I got a hairy chest.
I got one patch of hair.
You should write your Harry or Potter fan picture.
He's a very hairy boy who turns into an airplane that can take off without a runway.
So it's a triple man.
You just go into the Viacom, so it's called Hairier Potter.
And his name's Harry.
And his name's Harry.
Yeah.
The riffs are back.
I think we got it.
The riffs are back, baby.
So we're not taking like brands of pants, kinds of pants.
These are types of pants.
These are kinds of pants.
Yeah. We're all wearing them right now. But David's of pants. These are kinds of pants. Yeah.
We're all wearing them right now.
David's wearing shorts, which begs the question.
There was a fuck up in the packing.
I think that's what's got me off my game.
You're not off your game.
You're not off your game.
Oh, okay.
You're wearing beautiful- I can't confirm
or deny that you are.
A bathing in.
Damned.
So we're driving here and there's a bunch of jerseys
hanging on the street for sale.
And I was like, oh damn, I bet those are cheap.
And David's like, yeah, they're on a fence.
Yeah.
That's a good sign that something's maybe
within your price range.
Yeah, Sean, they're hanging on a fence.
Yeah.
What's the most expensive thing
that's been sold off a fence?
10 bucks.
10 bucks, yeah.
I think that's the most you can even think about.
If that Wake Forest jersey is $10,
I'll tip him another 10.
There's a good chance you can just take it.
I'm not that guy.
How fast are you?
Yeah.
Oh, you're a car.
I'm not that fast anymore.
I never was that fast, but now-
And he's fallen down to the top,
like maybe 12% of unpaid drivers.
Ooh.
From what I hear.
Ooh.
Who you been talking to?
We're on the street.
A blind person?
We're on the street, dude.
Well, even a blind person can tell. You think you hit a blind guy? Yeah. You been talking to? A blind person? A blind person? Word on the street, dude. You think you hit a blind guy?
You been talking to Rick?
Who you talking to, a blind guy?
A blind guy should be getting out of the hospital
and he didn't.
Yeah, was it James?
I apologize.
He said he wasn't gonna say anything.
He looked at my wife.
David, you have the, oh well, first we're gonna,
you have the first pick,
but first we're gonna take a short break.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Now, look at me.
Look at me when I say this.
Mental health awareness, it's growing,
but it's still nowhere where we need it to be.
It's the progress, we have tons of progress to make.
26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey
said they've avoided seeking mental health because essentially they're gonna be embarrassed.
You know, nobody wants to be judged and it's unfortunate that people
feel like that. I know it's just part of the deal but it's a stigma that you
need to help crush. If you're feeling like you want to talk to somebody, if you
feel like you need any help, you want someone to listen, you have things that
you need to get off your chest, that is what BetterHelp is here for.
Talk to somebody.
You don't have to face it all alone, you know?
This isn't the 50s.
You can go to therapy, no one's going to judge you, and if they judge you, maybe they need
to go to therapy themselves.
Uh oh, you can flip it on them.
But for real, go talk to somebody.
BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience
matching people with the right therapist.
They have a diverse network of more
than 30,000 licensed therapists.
That's a grip.
That's like most of the city I'm from.
So they have a ton of therapists to choose from
and it's fully online, convenient, affordable.
And I mean, they're serving over five million people
worldwide so they gotta be doing something right.
You know what I mean? and if you don't like your
therapist if you're not feeling them for whatever reason you can switch anytime
no extra cost so talk to someone get out there and you know take some help
everybody needs help that's that's what we're here for you know and we're all
better with help obviously visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy to get
10% off your first month that's better help HELhelp.com slash all fantasy to get 10% off your first month.
That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash all fantasy.
And we're back.
Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything.
The only podcast that's ever existed.
What?
If you want to hear a podcast talk about movies,
it's pretty much just us.
Cynophobe.
Or mine, Tasty Women.
Tasty, Designing Women.
Designing Women.
What was it called?
Delicious Dishes. Delicious Dishes. That's what I said. Yeah. women. Designing women. Delicious dishes.
Delicious dishes.
That's what I said.
Yeah.
David's delicious dishes.
My mama told me,
happen under the delicious dish umbrella.
Just to be clear.
Well, it's a delicious dishes joint.
It's a delicious dishes joint.
So is,
You go, it's a joint.
So is, so is Birth of a Nation.
Really anything I do is a delicious dishes joint.
Yeah.
Hey lady, it's called Birth of a Nation.
Oh yeah, when we were in Denver, tell them the, yeah.
And I went back in with a G.
David, you have the first pick.
Oh, denim.
Yeah, denim, denim, denim.
It has to be the first pick.
Mario's favorite fabric.
I don't even wear jeans like that,
but it's the first pick. Yeah, I rarely see you in jeans, but it's a clear number one pick. I's favorite fabric. I don't even wear jeans like that, but it's the first pick.
Yeah, I rarely see you in jeans,
but it's a clear number one pick.
I gave up on jeans, Smokin.
I wore jeans in college.
Are jeans, and I say this as someone who's wearing jeans.
When did we lose to the Lakers
in the Western Conference Finals?
2020.
No, no, no, no, no, but the first time.
Like, 09.
Oh, oh yeah, 09.
I was working at the call center.
When I got the job at the call center,
you couldn't wear jeans, and from then on,
I was kind of just like out.
I still wear them every now and then.
I was gonna say you got jeans, right?
Like you own some jeans right now?
Oh, I got one pair.
I got a pair of black ones.
They're white?
I was gonna.
I got some white jeans.
Color denim.
You had white jeans?
I have white jeans.
Why do you have cream jeans?
You know what that means?
I don't know why it sounds so gross,
but it really does.
It's black cream denim, dude.
Kind of like a painter's pants.
I always tell Alana this,
this guy Travis told me years ago,
he was like,
you know what it means if she wears white pants?
She'll do anal.
I don't.
And then whenever we're driving around,
I'm always like,
hey, you see that lady? My buddy told me she do anal. I don't. And then whenever we're driving around, it's like, hey, you see that lady?
My buddy told me she does anal.
I have some received wisdom for you.
I, yeah, color denim.
I always wanted a cream denim suit.
I always wanted like a Carl Can I cream denim,
not suit, but like jacket and jeans.
You sound like you're having a stroke.
You know what I'm saying, like a denim jacket
and denim jeans, cream, like Carl Canai.
No, I had a denim suit for a while.
Yeah, Tom's bottom.
Yeah.
I have the-
I think Fat Guy has all had a denim jacket at one point.
Oh yeah, that was big for us.
It's a huge-
I just now got into a denim jacket.
Never had one before. Does it add one of the things on? What's your weight? Yeah, yeah, how much do you weigh just now got into a denim jacket never had one of the things
On it, yeah, the little first thing it's a weight indicator. Yeah. Yeah, what's that called that first thing sheepskin?
Shirley Shirley Shirley. Yeah, it's not showing sure what a sheepskin. That's a condom. I am serious and don't call me
I've got condoms on it
On the inside like a crown
Harper dresses like left eye when he's not around the donk bags hanging off his new jean jacket
You know, that's how you talk it's from Scrubs, but it's a funny one. Uh... That's how you talk?
Yeah, let me grab a dong bag real quick and I'm ready to roll.
Gee, I'm glad they got the fake grapes you asked for, John.
They got the babes, I got the grapes.
Whoa, these are real.
You got the babes?
Yeah, right. You think you got the grapes? Yeah, right.
You think you're pushing grapes,
then you haven't met the grapes.
Oh, yeah, denim.
Denim, you used to be able to like,
jeans, like those Levi's jeans were so valuable
in like Soviet Russia,
you could trade them for cars and shit like that.
Like they, they're very American.
Mikhail Krokharov, former owner of the Brooklyn Nets,
made part of his fortune off acid washed jeans.
Crazy.
How many different colors of denim have you guys had?
Three.
Currently?
No, like just, you know, in my life.
I mean, are we talking like different washes of blue?
Yeah, I had different. No, no, no.
Are you talking like red jeans, green jeans?
I had blue, I had red, I had yellow, I had white,
I had black.
Black and blue are really old. I had a burgundy pair once. I think I had green, I had red, I had yellow, I had white, I had black. I had blue, I really had black.
I had a burgundy pair once.
I think I had green jeans once, it was very 98, 97.
I had green jabots back in the day, and purple jabots.
I buy that.
Yeah, they were dope, dude.
Just regular blue, the cream ones, and burgundy.
I had royal, I had that color blue cross colors.
Denim?
It's sick, oh yeah.
Heavily colored denim is so wild.
It's wild.
I looked ice.
It's not a great look.
No.
I don't like denim when it's hot or cold either.
That's my big issue with denim.
Yeah, it is.
When it's hot, it sucks.
When it's real cold, it sucks.
Having a sweaty leg inside a jean pant.
I'm wearing jeans right now, but that's like awful.
When it gets wet?
Or yeah, they get soaked.
You ever jump in the pool in your jeans
thinking you weren't gonna have to take your shirt off at that party. Yeah, and then fuck it
Wet jeans are not easy to move around them. No
Harper time for your first pick
To me, this is the number one pitch
Like I get the respect for denim,
but it wasn't even on my list.
You're crazy.
That's bull shit.
When was the last time you wore jeans?
It wasn't on your list?
You know we make, we got 20 of these to get through.
Probably three or four years ago.
I don't think I've seen you in jeans, yeah.
I have black jeans.
Yeah, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And those are barely jeans I feel like.
They are very soft.
I almost position that black jeans as a different.
I almost think we can break that off.
I think we could, yeah.
Yeah, it's not really.
We're gonna have sex with them?
I feel like we can break them off.
I think we can break off those black jeans.
So is that denim or is it like,
cause I have, I have what is technically black jeans,
but they're like kind of a stretch material.
They're the ones I wore in New Orleans.
Did that register as jeans to anyone?
No. No.
No, right? I think it's different. I that register as jeans to any of them? No. No. No, right?
I think it's different.
I feel like stretchy jeans.
Especially when you get them fresh.
Do you think I can make my pick before you go through this?
And they don't look all genie?
Because that's when black jeans go downhill
is when they start looking like jeans.
When they start fading.
I think it looks all right.
We'll talk about it.
We'll get to it.
This is, to me, the top pick.
Tear away pants.
Or basketball.
That's the top pick. Absolutely. That's the top pick, Tearaway pants. Basketball Tearaway pants.
Absolutely.
Tearaway pants.
It's the best pant that's ever existed.
He ain't wrong.
He is wrong.
No.
Basketball Tearaway pants.
Are you kidding me?
The most fun?
The most versatile?
The best athletic pant?
It's not versatile.
Super versatile.
You can be pants on or pants off in a second. You can't be in a restaurant.
You can't be in a restaurant.
I have been.
You can't be in a restaurant in a second.
I rarely do, I need them off in a second.
Disagree.
Try being married as long as I have.
You can't get ass in a pair of tarot-away pants
unless you are an NBA basketball player.
No, you can be in your early 20s.
It did not translate well to the street level, I felt like.
No.
I had...
Early 20s absolutely.
Have you ever torn them away and then got to business?
Has that ever happened in your life for real?
Of course, yeah.
That's so awesome.
Were you wearing underwear?
Isn't that cool?
I was wearing...
Who doesn't want to do that?
I had shorts on underneath.
You imagine, oh, it's on, crack,
and then you just go.
Nanpei!
Did you ever mess it up, though?
Oh, yeah.
That was always not a good feeling.
No, sometimes that button would be stuck.
Yeah, it gets stuck on your hip or something.
Like Taishan Prince trying to check into a game.
Then you got to sit down and just undo it.
Like really rip that thing, yeah.
Me, Nanpei, and our buddy Nate, and I think even one other dude,
all into the Nike outlet at the same time,
we were in our early 20s,
and they didn't have a ton of options that day
as far as pants go.
So we all bought these pairs of Jordan tear-away pants
with stars up the side.
And none of us looked good.
Let me tell you.
They were awful.
First of all, they were cut way too long.
The Jordan tear-away pants were awful. Okay, okay. You needed Nike. Let me tell you. They were awful. First of all, they were cut way too long. The Jordan tear away pants were awful.
Okay, okay.
You needed Nike.
Okay, that's good.
Or Adidas were pretty good too,
but Nike were the best.
I had a pair.
I like to think there's more to that,
where you're like, and then we went to a talent show
and all tried to tear them off at the same time.
And they laughed us out of there.
It does reek of something you guys
were trying to pull off together.
We're gonna make, you did this website called
We're going swimming this weekend, right?
And we're at the Vatican. We're all gonna be on the real world together. We're going to make, you did this website called We're going swimming this weekend, right? And we're at the Vatican.
We're all going to be on the real world together.
We're going to Lake Havasu.
You know what would be a great memories
if we all got matching?
No, we all just, cause you all,
when you get to the Nike employee store,
I don't know if you guys have ever been.
Yeah.
You all go off to your,
I think I've been with you.
The brotherhood of the traveling tear away pants?
All right, I'm done.
I wanted to, you go.
I didn't like that one.
No, I liked it, that's good.
Yeah.
No, cause it's one pair of pants.
Yeah.
You know what would be funny, it's Tearaway lasagna.
Tearaway seed bagel.
What?
Tearaway.
Oh, yeah, okay.
I don't do that kind of stuff.
I don't know what you mean.
Drew Teary-way.
Drew Tearymore.
Drew Teary-way?
Well, you go and then you all go off in your own directions
to go on your own journeys,
and we all met back with the same pair of pants.
And you're like, oh yeah, with these.
Oh, let's all get them.
Oh, or you guys all got them and you're like,
all right, so let's make one giant pair of pants.
Oh, that's a good idea.
That would've been a good idea.
You all get in there and go to Costco.
Maybe I might still have his, Nick, if you're watching.
Terry way pants are a little too close to the edge for me.
Yeah.
Whenever I wore them, I always felt too vulnerable.
Like just standing on the press and tearing them off.
You should be wearing shorts under them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should be wearing basketball shorts under them.
You should be ready to go.
They don't feel like the move of a short legged fat man,
which is what I am.
Yeah, not at all, not at all.
And it feels weird when you wear them in the house.
Yeah, it does.
Where you're like, I should just not be wearing pants in the house. Yeah, it does where you're like
Yeah, I was gonna say what are you doing? You don't live anywhere. Is this true? You do a bit off the second I'm in we just went you had pants on last cuz you guys were coming over. I put them on be steadfast in your convictions
That was crazy! No no no no no! What the fuck was that?
Isaac's going,
Keep going! It's funny!
That was insane!
Be steadfast in your convictions?
I'm not gonna have...
That's the biggest swing he's ever taken!
I'm not gonna have...
Have you been reading the King James Bible?
What the fuck? Where did that come from?
He blacked out. Where did that come from? He blacked out. He blacked
out. What? It was so quick. It was. It like. You said it like you've said it before. You made me fart in 6 over here now.
I just, I bet he wanted to fart and then you made me fart cause you're laughing so hard.
Holy shit.
Oh shit that was funny.
That bit of my is just so red. You for real blacked out and did a different thing.
That's like a movie bit.
That's like a movie bit like in the movie where it's like like like in old school where
he's like and has a corner and then he just like I blacked out.
That's what you just said.
It's dead best.
Didn't you have convictions?
Wow.
This is why I wish we had game film.
Like, I wish we could put it up on the TV
and run it back.
Oh my God.
Oh God.
I'll make a note of that for the breakout.
I've already noted it.
Oh, thanks buddy.
Oh.
Really got ya.
I was, it was really crazy.
The thing that stopped me from laughing
was a medical concern or I'm like,
am I gonna stroke out if I keep laughing this hard?
Oh yeah.
Oh man.
That was crazy.
That was so fucking funny.
I wasn't just gonna have
No pants.
Underwear between you and my bad dude.
That's such a movie. If we came in and you just didn't have pants on. Well yeah between you and my bad dude. That's such a move.
If we came in and you just didn't have pants on.
Well yeah, when I get home, I...
When we're all on the road together,
sometimes we'll be underweared.
I didn't have pants on for the first hour today.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like that.
I just, I don't like wearing pants.
I don't like, and like goes for shorts too.
Yeah, you got to welcome me.
If I'm home, I'm like...
I throw the shorts on this, like,
and it's become a thing where I have to remind myself,
like, stay, if I look nice, like we go on a date.
Yeah.
And I'll go home and just whip on the meshys right away.
Yeah.
And I can see her be like,
bro, keep your nice pants on for a minute.
Got some fresh powder,
whipped on the meshys.
The babysitter's still here.
I'm just in there doing blow in my best shorts.
Get her out of here.
Yeah.
I consider them like, like a prison for your legs.
Oh, do you?
Yeah.
Okay.
So I just like, when I'm home,
Gotta trust the free thinker over here.
I wanna be free.
Well, you run hot.
I do run hot.
Yeah.
You both run hot.
Yeah.
I run real, I'm sweating right, I run hot.
Well, you're farting.
I did fart, it was a bummer.
Scorsese!
Oh, farty Schottenheimer, did you see that one already?
Farty Schottenheimer.
House Farty 2.
I said House Farty 3 earlier.
Tear Away Pants is a totally acceptable pick.
It's crazy for the second pick overall.
I know, I should've gone one.
That's not fair.
It's like Who D' Who being, you know.
Everybody who didn't like that pick, come on.
Yeah, come on. It hurt my feelings.
What's wrong? And if you don't know what I'm talking about, sign up for the Patreon.
Who do you think you are?
Sign up for the Patreon.
Yo, is this his flu game?
It is.
I think it is.
I feel like, whoa.
I don't know if he's having a good or bad episode,
but I like it.
It's just supposed to be funny.
It's Russell Westbrook, it's going fast.
Yeah.
And sometimes it's going in, man.
It's true. to be funny. It's Russell Westbrook. It's going fast. Yeah. Sometimes it's going in, man.
It's true.
Oh.
Cut it, cut it, cut it.
Cut it, cut it, cut it.
That's as much as we can get away with.
The estate's going to see what's going on.
The Shellshock estate!
We're not going to get hit by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Whoa, could you imagine going to Shifty Shellshock's
estate sale? Lot of nipple rings.
Yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
I don't want to discourage that guy.
Yeah, I guess that wasn't as fun as I had.
You want to buy his lizard?
I'm going with my first pick.
Not a pant that I wear, but a pant that I think changed things in a very meaningful way.
Oh, you're doing it.
I'm taking the yoga pant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a very meaningful way. Oh, you're doing it. I'm taking the yoga pants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hmm.
Not a pant for me.
No, well, it's for you in certain ways.
Well, it's for me in certain ways.
It's for everybody.
I do benefit.
It's for everybody.
Now, really changed the landscape of the nation.
Look at how careful we're all being.
The nation entirely.
I don't feel the need to be careful here.
I'll be as honest as we need to be.
When my wife wears yoga pants.
My wife.
I love it.
I, she does.
Real groundbreaking rift.
Around the house.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ian Carmel likes his wife
in yoga pants.
This guy.
You're sitting there with my wifeing?
Criticizing my rift?
I wasn't riffing. I just started that. What eyes are my roof? I was horrific.
I just got out of that, what are you talking about?
I was horrific.
I just made that up.
I'm being honest.
Now before I was married, I enjoyed a whole spectrum
of women wearing yoga pants.
It's crazy.
I can't believe that that hit like it has.
And continues to.
What's the version for us without saying other pants?
Do we even have anything close to?
I think there's a color. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we have anything close to- I don't think we, I think- Oh, yeah, yeah, we do.
There's gray, there's a color.
Yeah, but I don't know, is it that?
No.
The thing with Yoga Pea is like,
you can just do it in the world,
and that's the crazy thing.
Like you're just at the mall, and it's just like that.
Yeah.
Gen Z is going looser workout,
they're straight, or Gen Alpha, whatever,
it's straying away from the, they're going looser
on the workout.
They're going back to the Aaliyah.
Yeah.
And that to me has always been.
That's cool too.
Yeah.
But yeah, that yoga fan era.
It's all tense.
That's cool too.
That's cool too.
It's just crazy.
It's just crazy.
Yeah.
It can't, you can't believe your luck sometimes.
Yeah.
You just, that's not what it is.
You just can't believe your luck sometimes.
I go to US America.
Yeah. I go to- God bless America.
I go to Erewhon every day.
I agree.
Oh dude.
Dana's got these ones that she found
that they were these like viral pants
that not only are yoga pants,
but they also do some like-
Oh I've seen those on TikTok.
Lifting and cupping kind of thing.
Oh yeah, you just got a pack of six.
Yeah, six of them.
It's crazy.
Just in the front though.
It's crazy. It's got Johnny Depp's pants on. It's crazy! Just in the front though.
It's crazy!
It's got Johnny Depp's pants on.
It's Johnny Depp's!
Just his scarves wrapped around.
Some Lily Rose Depp yoga pants.
Run it over.
The idol.
They're the idol brand.
I wrote yoga Depp's.
Yoga pants.
Yeah, that's a great pick.
Don't wanna say much more.
I don't know how to say this
when I've been disrespectful. No, it's celebrating. pick. Don't wanna say much more. I don't know how to say this when I've been disrespectful.
No, it's celebrating.
Celebrating, yeah.
Just awesome.
Great.
Great work by everybody.
Sean, time for your first and second picks.
Sweat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are we drafting?
Are you going suit next?
No.
Sweatpants.
Yeah.
I just, so when McWeldon sent us,
every night, thank you, McWeldon. Shout out to McWeldon. They'll give us. We'll do some McWeldon. We, so when McWeldon sent us, every night, thank you McWeldon.
Shout out to McWeldon.
They'll give us.
We'll do some McWeldon.
We'll do some McWeldon.
Yeah, quarterly like, you know, whatever,
stipend to purchase goods.
Advertiser aside.
Great.
Bro, I give them free, every time.
I fucking love them.
Seriously.
I'm dead serious, I love McWeldon.
I'm wearing it right, this is McWeldon right here.
It's great.
Oh man, this is good fellow.
Oh, is that?
I really like their undershirts, the Target brand all of these functions in sweatpants, like I'm starting to, you meet other parents, you know, and you're like,
I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going on.
And I'm like, I'm starting to get the idea of what's going talk, because I'm like, I can't just be going
to all of these functions in sweatpants.
Like I'm starting to, you meet other parents, you know,
and you're like, they're gonna think I'm that guy.
And I've told too many people how much they cost.
And I'm like, that's crazy to do.
Or I'll be like, you know these are $120.
It's crazy to do with sweatpants.
Yeah, usually people do that with like a car.
Also I leave out the fact that they were free by the way.
I'm like, you know, these cost 120 bucks.
I didn't pay that, but that's what they cost.
But they're dank man.
I mean.
I'm not gonna bend you over on the Mack Weldon.
You're right.
I have a square deal guy.
Three pairs of sweatpants.
I wear them all the time, 11 pieces.
I couldn't tell you the last time I wore sweatpants.
I'm not bragging.
I just don't really, I'm not really in sweatpants.
You don't slink into them at the crib
when you're listening to that jazz baby.
No, not a jazz pant.
You don't need one for that bone in a crib.
Not a jazz pant.
No, I take it out.
I'm doing my typing test.
Yeah, you can cut a little hole in sweatpants.
A lot easier than jeans.
You got too hot.
You got too hot.
Yeah, sorry, sweatpants. You got too hot. I wear sweatpants in the house, too, this is like what in shape people dress like. I'm like, oh, this is like what in shape people dress like.
I'm like, oh, this is like what in shape people dress like.
I'm like, oh, this is like what in shape people dress like.
I'm like, oh, this is like what in shape people dress like.
I'm like, oh, this is like what in shape people dress like.
I'm like, oh, this is like what in shape people dress like.
I'm like, oh, this is like what in shape people dress like.
I'm like, oh, this is like oddly in shape if I put on like big sweatpants and a sort of form fitting shirt, sort of,
where I'm like, oh, this is like
what in shape people dress like to me.
Oh, see, I go the opposite way.
Big shirt, tiny pants.
Yeah, because my legs are strong, my upper body's weak.
We did get in a huge conversation about this yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, because you've been hitting the-
Because his upper body's super strong.
Yeah. Yeah.
But his legs are super strong too, so you're worse. My legs are pretty strong, so you've been hitting the gym hard. Because his upper body's super strong. Yeah. But his legs are super strong too. So you're worse.
My legs are pretty strong, so you're worse.
I'll leg press you right now.
You can't leg press.
Why don't you cut that up in the perfect way?
I can leg press as well.
Both of you.
Everyone here can leg press.
Everyone get on the, get it on.
Everyone can leg press.
Everyone get on it.
We can all leg press.
All three of you. I haven't done it in a while. It'd be a fun little competition. We can all leg press. All three of you.
I haven't done in a while.
It'd be a fun little competition.
We can all fucking leg press, all right?
You wanna impress me?
Dance.
I can't dance.
You's probably the best.
Get up and dance.
You guys are all decent dancers, aren't ya?
You guys are all decent dancers, aren't ya?
I'll dance on you.
Get up.
You just magic mic him real quick.
I'm not as good at dancing as I'd like.
I'm in my head a lot.
I'm not as good at dancing as I think because. I'm in my head a lot. I'm not as good at dancing as I think
because I saw footage back of that band in New Orleans.
Wait, what?
You were fine.
Oh, you saw the video.
You were fine.
We're dear friends.
You were fine.
And you're gonna tell me that.
You were fine.
But I saw myself and I was all.
I was like all up here.
I was like, I was doing this. Yeah. This stuff good? What did you think you were doing? I kind of. all
What did you think you were doing I kind of
But I thought you were doing it like sort of in an ironic way. Oh
No, that changes it yeah
Yeah Maybe I was more like down here, but I don't know. Oh no, yeah. Gave it to you, that was bad. It was like.
I was all right, it was fun.
I had a great time.
Why, like I don't care if I'm a good dancer.
I have a child.
Oh, I'm a bad dancer, but I don't care.
Yeah.
I can get by.
It is cool to be a good dancer.
I'm a bad dancer and I do care.
I care a lot.
Yeah, you get in your head too.
Will you try moves?
I'm trying to learn how to see one of these days.
You shake front dice.
Yeah.
Let's figure it out. You ever see anyone who shakes the front dice? I've your shake front dice. Yeah, let's let's figure it out shakes the front dice
I've seen the front dice that fucking what are we talking about? Sean? That's when he when he dances he like
Get slow and shakes the front dice
Yahtzee he goes we did it. We did it in DC who were you? I thought you were there for some I wasn't DC
I got a video of it. I'll show it to somebody was saying and Jamal was singing right
She's singing baby baby, baby. Wait, maybe wait, maybe it was wasn't in DC. I got a video of it, I'll show it to you. Somebody was singing, Jamel was singing, right? Jamel was singing baby, baby, baby.
Wait, maybe, was your wedding in DC?
Oh, cause I wasn't there either.
Damn.
So time for my second pick.
Thanks for the ride back to and from
Hermosa Beach last night, by the way.
You probably shouldn't take a suit now
because you weren't wearing one at the wedding.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Damn.
No, I wasn't gonna take a suit.
I'm gonna take cargo.
Yeah. You can have it. Yeah. I was talking,'t gonna take suit. I'm gonna take cargo. Yeah.
You can have it.
Yeah.
I was talking about this maybe in New Orleans
the other day where it's like,
cargo pants are set up that like,
when you put stuff in that pocket, it's never convenient.
I never put anything in it.
As any of the other pockets you have available.
This man is a skateboarder.
Right.
Where I couldn't do cargo pants as a big fat guy.
Although I've seen people actually get the fit off.
Nothing, I didn't put anything in him.
Yeah. Yeah, nothing.
It was just, I mean, in the world, they were so popular,
but like in skating specifically,
I think it'll like Ronnie Kramer skating in cargo pants.
It just looks so cool.
They were so cool.
I did see someone put an iPad mini in them once.
And that, I thought, now that makes sense.
I had a pair.
I turned it into a joke, but it was based on a true thing.
I had a pair of cargo shorts where the big pocket
was the perfect size of a good bread sandwich.
Okay.
Like a Dave's Killer bread, the original.
The thick bread.
Dave's sense got, like Dave's Killer bread got small.
I don't know what that is. I don't like the Dave, the little Dave. It doesn't stick together. Dave's sense got, like Dave's Killer bread got small, I don't know what that is.
I don't like the Dave, the little Dave.
It doesn't stick together.
I don't like the little Dave.
You take it out and the bread falls.
Some happen over a day.
Also I heard Dave's killed a guy.
Well yeah.
I think he did.
He did.
Or something.
Yeah.
And he came out and that's how Dave's Killer,
I don't know if it was, if he murdered someone.
I don't think it was murder, but he did something bad.
I don't want it to be white collar though.
It wasn't white collar.
You don't get to call it Dave's Killer. It was definitely not like I'm getting tickets or something like that
It was it was a prison run huh? I see you looking into it. Yeah drug distribution
burglary armed robbery and assault
What level of assault Dave doll that's never the question?
I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I've always thought if it could be like not gross like just having like a bunch of popcorn in there would be cool Yeah, did you ever feel bad?
Did you love the feeling of being that that guy who would reach into his car?
Short pocket no pull out a sandwich and take a bite. No
That's so I know it's so I know I know it sucks
I'm now struggling to remember what the scenario was where I had it, but I know I did it. I know it sucks. I'm now struggling to remember what the scenario was
where I had it, but I know I did.
Do you think you maybe were doing it
as like to make people laugh,
but you didn't want to? No.
I don't think so.
No, you just wanted the sandwich.
Hey, can you hold my keys?
I mean, I guess I could put them in my sandwich holder.
Yeah, I'll put it in my sandwich pocket.
It's gonna gum up the works, but sure.
No.
I like, I every, so when Cargo Pants just came back,
right, like a year ago or something,
I think I talked to maybe all three of you about like,
buying, I think I put it in the thread
and you talked me out of it, which is,
I couldn't do it now.
Another one of your great thread drops.
Sorry, I was just thinking about,
cause he was talking about,
remember when he dropped to the thread,
he was like, Miguel is back.
Talking about the last night? We were, Miguel came on last thread? He was like, Miguel is back. Talking about that last night?
We were, Miguel came on last night and I was like,
I hate you guys, I'm like, yeah, Miguel's back.
What do you know about this?
Isaac's just like, what?
Yeah, because that song resurfaced.
That Sure Things song resurfaced on the radio
and it had been a decade or whatever.
Because of the six-hog.
I heard it on the radio, I'm like, bro, he did kind of that,
do you like drug song?
So good.
I like a lot of old Miguel shit.
That's a word.
God bless you.
God, do you remember having this one?
This one is like a, I feel high.
You remember having a sneak in?
Do you guys feel high?
Kind of.
I feel high as hell.
Remember sneezing into your mask?
How much of a bummer that was.
Oh yeah.
You probably didn't wear those panties on your face,
but I did, I believe in COVID, but you know what I mean?
Like sneezing into your face.
David was the one who did that.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
He doesn't even fucking know.
He doesn't even fucking know me.
Cargo pants.
Yeah, cargo pants, good pick.
Thanks bud.
All right, all right, I took one for the ladies, now I gotta take one for the fellas. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. in like, Swayze sweatpants though in Roadhouse, like tight. No? You haven't seen the gray sweatpants discourse?
Yeah.
No.
I'm not up on a lot of boner stuff.
There's a lot of boner.
You get the VPL.
I'm not on dick, I'm not on dick.
Including boners.
I'm not on dick Twitter like that.
Oh brother, you gotta get on dick Twitter.
You gotta get on dick Twitter.
Yeah, you gotta, come on.
It's the only thing they got going on over there anymore.
Just a bunch of Republican dicks.
You just gotta know who you're up against.
This is. No, I haven't seen the gray sweatpants thing, I get it, but even in like, baggy sweatpants, What's going on over there? Just a bunch of Republican dicks. You just gotta know who you're up against.
No, I haven't seen the gray sweatpants thing.
I get it, but even in like baggy sweatpants,
I can still see the gray.
They say with gray, yeah.
You can only see the flopping up against it.
It's called a VPL.
A VPL?
Oh, visible penis line.
Oh.
That's fun.
I gotta go with my heart,
because there's just too many.
Too many options, he says.
Oh.
Well, no, it's not that there's too many.
It's just like, I feel like there were a few heavy hitters
and now we're just kind of in every man's land.
I'm going with corduroys.
Yeah. Yeah.
I haven't ran corduroys in a while, but I like them.
I.
You get a VPL if you wanna watch websites from other countries. Yeah, I like them. I... You get a VPL if you want to watch websites from other countries.
Yeah, that's right. You got to do a VPL.
Sorry. It took so long.
That was...
It's been a weird day.
That was right on time.
If you want to watch British Netflix...
That was right on time.
...lender going.
I got these two pair of drawstring corduroys made by Cat and KTIN that company I told you about
Mangoes they're like real roomy. Was that not good? What's mangoes? I
thought
Just haven't landed a good rip
Cuz like I like okay where I went with, you said Kat and I said Chris Katan, Saturday Night Live,
Mango, wouldn't it be funny if Mango had his own line of pants.
That's like an FBI connect the dots to who killed who.
That's my beautiful mind.
Alright, I got you.
You come into my room, it's just Chris Katan.
That's my brain right now.
And you're like, how do I get there?
And I'm just like smoking a cigarette.
Send it to the mouth.
Send it to the mouth.
Mangoes.
Bunch of yarn and thumbtacks.
Yeah.
You used to go on the road with him, right, for a minute?
Mangoes?
Shit.
Catan?
Fuck.
Chris Cannon.
Yeah. Yeah, I did. David just explodes. I'm gonna go with the You got me up. Yeah, thank you, shout out by the way. But yeah, because I was talking about shorts. Hit up Carmel, dude. And they were like, oh, this brand is good.
And also Prana, they said.
That makes me shorts.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
If you have a cat and Katen, if you have a mango hookup,
hit up your boy Carmel.
I got these fucking billowy.
That's a different situation.
Also if you have a mango hookup.
I got your mango hookup swinging.
Dana loves mangoes, not one of my.
I, here's my outtake.
I don't think you can get good mangoes in America. I like that. Because I haven't really had the life changing mangoes, not one of my... I, my, here's my outtake. I don't think you can get good mangoes in America.
I like that.
Because I haven't really had the life-changing mangoes that people talk about.
But if you go in the tropics and you have one, it's like...
You gotta like shell it.
What are you waving your finger like Korea's in the tropics over there?
You're from Oregon! You're from Oregon in Asia!
I'm from Oregon.
This is great, what's happening?
Korea's the Oregon of Asia?
This is the first I'm hearing of it.
Let's get Dulce on the horror.
By the way, that map of Asian peoples
across different races, absolutely correct.
She nailed it, right?
100%
Whoa, really?
Yes.
I was like, I wanted to give her a standing ovation.
Well, if you want to rank Asians, go to our Patreon.
If you want to hear different races, rank other Asians, go to our Patreon. If you want to hear different races, rank other races,
go to our Patreon. It's worth it.
We're having a race rank week on Patreon.
It's our shark week.
How do you eat a mango? You can't just start eating a mango, right?
You have to cut it in half and then you do a little dice.
You got to cut around the outside.
But if you have a shitload of mangoes,
you can just pop the top and juice it out. That's true. Is the outside hard? I can't think of what a mango dice. You gotta cut around the outside. But if you have a shitload of mangoes, you can just pop the top and juice it out.
That's true.
Is the outside hard?
I can't think of what a mango is.
It's like a little, it's leathery.
You don't wanna eat it. Could you eat it?
No. Okay, you don't, you're not doing that.
You could, but you're not gonna want to.
You wanna eat it off of the inside.
It's actually really fun. Like a buffalo wing.
You cut it in half and you have to avoid the pit,
and then you make a little city.
Like you're like, what if I get in the pit
and try to love someone? Well, don't do that. You make a little like square thing, and then you make a little city. Like you like, what if I get in the pit and try to love someone?
Well, don't do that.
You make a little like square thing,
and then you pop it out, and then you're,
hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop.
I just don't love mangoes.
Right.
I'm gonna do it on fucking Fairfax.
Corduroy's, you find yourself on Fairfax?
I don't know how you're getting,
that was really an interesting pull.
Yeah, I did that last night after you went to bed,
but it was on Sepulveda.
Sepulveda.
We're standing in line at New Orleans and we were talking about Paul Pismo and Ronaldo Redondo.
We're the Beach Brothers.
Paul Pismo and Ronaldo Redondo.
And you got to take Sepulveda to get there.
Take Sepulveda all the way to Redondo.
It's fun having people who really enjoy what you do
in the line, who make you think that's a funny bit.
Because I tried to tell Lauren, she's like, I don't.
It went better than it is right now.
You can't tell the person you love bits.
No.
That's crazy.
I try.
I don't even tell her what I did at work.
She'll be like, what do you guys talk about?
I'm like, I don't know, man.
I laughed so much I felt high.
That's what I did at work today.
Pink corduroys.
I just love, I'm sort of evolving into-
Tough to wash.
I haven't found that to be true.
Why, you don't just put them in the machine?
Every time I end up washing my corduroys,
they come out stinkin' funny after a couple times.
Oh.
You have corduroys now that you wear?
I don't wear them anymore because I wash them.
Because they stink funny?
Oh, weird, I haven't had that.
I had some full of corduroys.
I got the Catons and they come out,
I'm sort of leaning into like-
Mingoes.
Huh?
Mingoes, dude.
I'm wearing the goes.
To sort of like a loose California slash Italy
other fabrics fashion, and big corduroys
with a big T-shirt, good look.
You can bridge that California Italy gap.
Little corduroy jacket right over there.
Just sort of a Mediterranean vibe.
Harper time for your second pick?
I think you really screwed up here.
No, not in my way.
I got yoga pants.
Yeah, well I got linen pants.
I didn't think you were gonna take them.
That's pretty good.
I thought those were the boner pants now that we're talking.
I thought those were the female.
Did think those were gonna come back to me.
I've never seen you in linen pants.
I like linen pants.
The only issue,
It's the best vacation.
I don't feel like they have the constitution
for my rough and tumble lifestyle.
No, that's true.
I always think I'm about to bust some linen.
I'm about to bust out of something.
Well, you don't wear underwear with linen pants, right?
You don't have to.
I don't wear underwear with pants. You do, you wear underwear. Oh, okay, you you don't wear underwear with linen pants, right? You don't have to. I don't wear underwear with pants.
You do, you wear underwear.
Oh, okay, you got the Savage underwear
that you're getting, right?
No, I don't like the feeling.
You can't be getting your steps in a linen pant.
No.
You can't really be doing much of anything.
You need to be going from the hotel room
to the on-site restaurant.
I was a groomsman in linen pants one time.
That's tricky. Yeah, it was in Mexico. Were you a groomsman in linen pants one time. That's tricky.
Yeah, it was in Mexico.
Were you in the dance floor in linen pants?
Yeah.
How'd that go?
Did it last?
Yeah.
It's just not.
And everything gets like,
and then when linen gets distressed, you look homeless.
Yeah, that's true.
It goes bad real quick.
Linen pants are for making people come to you.
Yeah. All I know. for making people come to you. Yeah, yeah.
All I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Therefore, right after you come.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When you're just moving gentler.
Hotel sex, shower, linen pants.
On the dance floor?
Walking down to the restaurant.
Walking down to the bar by the pool.
Yeah, exactly that.
It's a good restaurant patio pants.
I'm gonna go to the pool, I know I'm not gonna swim,
I'm wearing linen pants.
Yes, yes.
But never going far.
You're not like, I'm gonna have a day
with these linen pants on.
No, no, no, no.
No one has traversed anything in a linen pant.
No.
Dude, what if we did like a Deadpool
and just made all these pants into one,
like tear away linen cargo pants?
What do you mean by Deadpool?
Are you sick?
He was like Weapon X.
You know, he was the X-Men that was like
all of them combined.
Deadpool was? Yeah.
Wow. Yeah, right?
Is that his thing? Deadpool was,
the one in the, like the original X-Men
was like all of the X-Men powers
were put into this Weapon X.
That's correct, actually.
That was Deadpool. Okay, nice.
Did he turn anybody into spaghetti?
Oh, I thought it was when you bet on who's gonna die.
Yeah, like a Deadpool. Yeah, I thought that's what it was.
Oh, like that Clint Eastwood movie.
The Deadpool. No. Anyway, Isaac, cut all that, like that Clint Eastwood movie. The Deadpool. No.
Anyway, Isaac, cut all that, please.
Isaac, double it.
Isaac, auto-tune it.
Can you make that one part?
I can.
Like two times speed.
Isaac, can you auto-tune stuff?
Yes, I can.
Will you auto-tune this?
Oh, shit, that's something funny.
You can auto-tune stuff?
Yeah, I'll auto-tune, yeah.
Well, I mean, like, so, okay.
Where was this at gear crisis?
I'm gonna show you. Where was this a gear crisis?
You let my man just talk. Well now we got a Taylor Swift.
You didn't put no Seh-San on nothing.
We gotta record gear crisis Sean's version.
Were you?
Sean's version!
You already own the Masters.
Auto-tune this.
I'll sell him.
Dancing on the dance floor in my linen pants, girl.
I know you can feel my boner.
Okay, Isaac, I know what he just said.
It is the funniest thing to do if you don't do it.
But do.
But do. He's going no bit like for real though. No, for real.
No, but like please?
Do auto tune it!
I know I'm not in the middle on our t-shirt.
Right.
But I still like I...
Some say...
You're the founder of the podcast.
I started the podcast.
Now do I stay steadfast in my convictions?
Good question
I'm just saying for the laughs Cut out Ian say auto-tune. He's just singing it. Contextless.
It's contextless auto-tune.
Cut this in.
OK, that's the cold open for this episode.
No auto-tune.
And then in the episode with the auto-tune.
Yes.
You gotta listen to the end if you want the auto-tune.
Yes, that's it.
Do you have time for your second and third picks?
Oh, man, I'm already out.
I just don't care about pants that much,
so now I'm just pulling.
Oh, khaki.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just really versatile.
You can get laid and paid in them.
That's true.
That's true.
They make me feel like I'm working at Best Buy,
cause that was the biggest khaki.
Cause when I worked at Best Buy,
I was not wearing pants often,
shorts almost exclusively in my life. So when I put on khaki pants, it was to go work at Best Buy, I was not wearing pants often, shorts almost exclusively in my life.
So when I put on khaki pants, it was to go work at Best Buy.
So I can't separate them from the blue polo.
No, it still makes me feel like I work at Target,
but I kind of like that.
Yeah, I don't think I've worn khakis
since I worked at the court.
Yeah.
I wear them almost exclusively now.
I wear a lot of khakis.
I like khakis.
Yeah, I wear these.
I had a heavy-
Is this a khaki? That's a good question. These are the I wear these. I had a heavy. Is this a khaki?
That's a good question.
These are the Levi's stretchy khakis.
What do we call this a khaki?
Well, because khakis are a color and also a type of pant.
Well, there's a type of pant.
There's a type.
That's not khakis.
I think a gap is khakis.
I think a dockers is khakis.
This isn't a khaki.
This is a different pant.
I feel like that's- I don't wanna say.
I feel like those are-
Oh.
All right, don't then.
I think.
Well, we'll get to it. When we say that, Pant, we'll have that discussion.
Word, I feel you.
So, dockers are like, is that what you just said?
Yeah, yeah.
I used to think dockers were so dope
when I was like, cause Zach Morris used to wear dockers.
So, like in elementary school.
You don't have to tell me fast facts.
I'm going to elementary school in dockers
and like trying to dress like Zach Morris.
So wack.
Not wack.
It wasn't?
No, really, of all the fashion choices you've told us
about you as a child, just khakis is kind of the least.
At least it wasn't the full cream.
Yeah, what are you wearing, like Pierre Cardin?
I don't wanna say other shit.
I'm just kidding.
What, you're wearing silk shirts?
Yeah.
As a boy?
I had two different shades of purple silk.
You were wearing Eric Bonaise for him only silk pants.
Look at that.
That is the color of silk shirt that I wore, that curtain.
That like deep purple silk.
I don't think I would let my child play with you.
Of course not.
You mean that kid in the silk?
The fifth member of Jota's wants to play with my son tonight.
The guy practicing karate kicks in the store.
Yeah, Mr. Sean.
Mr. Sean.
That kid who smokes cigarettes.
Freak Me turned into a boy and it's Sean.
The song Freak Me by Silk is a young boy named Sean.
He's alternating between high kicks and body rolls in his burgundy silk shirt.
No, he can't sleep over.
Yeah.
He's got purple cross-colors on
and he's not a virgin.
At a different party that guy does get laid.
Yeah. Of course he does, yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
And your third pick.
Okay.
Hmm.
Third pick.
These pants define the generation, not mine.
But I think it is, it does seem to be one of the craziest
advances in pants technology where it's like,
what is this all about?
Bell bottoms.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
That seems like a, it's so interesting
cause it's like, what is, what the fuck happened?
Now these are jeans, but I think this is a separate thing.
I think this does deserve its own.
Totally, totally.
It could be literally any fabric.
Yeah.
So I think this is its own pant.
I think it is.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
I feel you.
So any kind of fabric, bell bottoms.
I think bell bottoms count.
Absolutely.
Cause that's a style of pant.
That shit must have blown people's mind.
What the fuck is he doing? Yeah, cuz there was like
It's how I know I'm washed now. Yeah, because that is I
Cannot you couldn't see their shoes. I can't do it. I was a
That's an amazing point. It's like why would I want to cover my shoes?
Yeah, but like dudes now have flares and that's how I know I'm the most wash kind of like
He looked cool you could still see his shoes.
But we had a barbecue last summer
and there were two Flair's dudes
and everybody else was not on that timing
and just in the park at 3 p.m. they looked nuts.
Jeans at the barbecue, you know what I mean?
I don't think jeans at the barbecue is that crazy.
That's not that great.
No, it depends on the temperature.
Well, what are we having a barbecue in jeans weather?
Today we might.
Today we are, yeah.
I'm gonna be wearing these jeans to the barbecue.
Sorry.
You should be.
I am.
Well, actually have courage in your convictions.
Damn!
Got your ass.
Go get me another Topo Chico.
Yeah, he's on the middle of his shirt.
He's on the middle of his shirt.
He gets the same.
Don't you dare go get it.
Isaac, auto-tune that the man took you.
He's gone. Yeah, he's gone.
God, I'm just thinking about how funny it would be if you cut out what he says before he says the boner thing.
Wouldn't it be funny?
Seriously, it's so funny.
I think it's a hilarious play.
You know what you should do that would be funny is come back naked.
Oh my god
He's in the kitchen hog. That would be so funny. Yeah, I think about that sometimes
I think it's why God didn't make me buff because I there are just so many situations
I'd be where it's so funny to me to be naked
Yeah, like if Ian if I was if Ian came back naked right now, that's the funniest thing he could do. Aw, damn it. I'm so sorry.
Ran into the door.
Oh man.
Does that door close or no?
It does close, yes.
Can I just say?
Oh, you're having a good time?
Yeah, I am.
I really am.
Sometimes maybe I say-
It's a three person podcast, I forgot. Did you want one? No, it's fine. I only say person podcast. I forgot
No, it's fine
Be sure that you're able to drive me to Hermosa Beach later, okay, that's like let's have that be the top priority of the day
I have two drinks. Okay. Okay. So you were joking. I love water drinking
That water makes me feel sexy. Oh, me too, yeah.
Did you guys ever drink niacin?
Did you ever do that?
Yeah, to try to beat a drug test.
No. Does it work?
It makes your skin itch.
What?
It makes your skin itch?
Yeah, it makes your shit hot.
It just holds it nice.
Is that good?
No.
What's it taste like, the beach?
In a bad way?
I like it.
What's it say?
I don't not like it. It's sunshine flavored. I don't know if. What's it say? I don't not like it.
It's sunshine flavored.
I don't know if I do like it, but I don't not like it.
Sweetened, is it like tea?
Is it like sweet?
No, it's zero sweetener.
It's a LaCroix.
Well, I know, but I mean, is it like a tea flavored LaCroix?
It has an essence.
It's almost a hoppy.
It's a sub hoppy.
I don't like any of these words you're saying.
Dude, it wasn't Operation Ivy.
Sub hoppy dude, sub hop. Bell bottoms, a crazy time in pants.
Yeah.
Harper time for your third pick.
Joggers.
Yeah. Yeah.
I can't believe that's a third round pick.
Man, when I found out about joggers,
we got another, maybe Stitch Fix sent us some stuff,
and I had joggers and I'm like,
remember texting Ian, I was like,
I can wear these to work, and they don't even give a shit.
They don't care.
They call these pants.
They don't care at all, yeah.
Joggers and sweatpants are primarily the pants I wear.
I have been,
I have succumbed to the anti-jogger propaganda.
Really?
Of Gen Z.
Why?
You know, they're against him?
I just, cause I heard it was not cool.
Fuck that.
I agree.
Fucking dead-eyed freak.
I agree.
Absolutely, absolutely.
I agree. Absolutely. I agree. Fucking dead-eyed freak. I agree. Absolutely, absolutely.
Absolutely.
I agree.
Absolutely.
I wish I had the courage of my convictions.
The sock thing and the jogger thing.
Well, your socks are up.
I thought that's what they didn't like.
They want them higher.
They do want them.
Hold on, I'm gonna push them down.
They want them here.
Are these high enough?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are they really?
I think, I don't know. Actually, I don't know. Actually, I here. Yeah, are these high enough? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they really?
I think, I don't know.
Actually, I don't know.
Actually, I don't know.
Delaney gave me a whole fucking clinic on it.
Well, I would listen to Delaney
over your 40 year old friend here.
Yeah.
I'm so sick of hearing what they want.
Okay.
Yeah.
We're not talking about your girlfriends.
We're not talking about your hinge dates.
Don't come to me.
You stand on that.
I was like, can you please cut it out to make that one?
Sorry, I'm eating the mic.
And no, I feel you though,
because I get so, I was just talking to David about this.
I leave the house and I feel so stupid.
Every day I think I look bad.
Today it was because I'm wearing too much
of the same-ish color.
Lot of brown.
Yeah, see? See, I do look bad. He did it, I'm wearing too much of the same-ish color. Lot of brown.
Yeah, see?
It appears.
See, I do look bad.
He did it, he just confirmed it.
Just left brown town.
This isn't a lot of brown.
It's a fact.
I didn't say it's too much brown.
Brown on brown.
You do look like a UPS,
like an undercover UPS writer.
Christmas party?
Like you have to deliver
the world's most dangerous package.
No, I'm undercover. That's like, we will. We will. Wait, I didn't hear it. Like you have to deliver the world's most dangerous package.
I'm gonna go with that side.
We will.
Wait, I didn't hear it.
Deliver the world's most dangerous package.
Like we will disavow any link to the United Parcel Service.
But Officer Jordan, you need to go in there.
Sure, I'm Jason UPS, I work for the cops.
Oh yeah, that's like your snake bliskin.
I didn't know, I think I went too far.
It's snake foreskin. I don't know, I think I went too far. Mm-mm.
It's snake foreskin.
There we go.
Yeah, typing test shit.
Yeah, Yagur's good.
Yeah, Yagur's for sure.
Yammer Yagur.
They're super comfortable, they don't look bad.
I don't care what the Gen Z thing says.
Like, I like them.
They show you sneakers, which was very important.
Which is the only thing I care about in my outfit.
May I air the one grievance I have with the jogger? Is that I like to be able to,
didn't want to say it was crass.
They're a little tricky to get off sometimes
and I don't like the leg to go inside out
when I take my pants off.
Oh, sure.
I'm not a, it bothers me.
You mean when it's time to get down
and you have to like kick them off?
Now imagine if they're a tear away.
It's really sexy. It is when you got to stop and it's time to get down? Yeah. And you have to like kick them off? Well, cause if you're- Now imagine if they're tear away.
It's really sexy.
It is when you gotta stop and it's not a smooth motion.
Tear away joggers.
Yeah.
Tear away jog with cargo pants, bro?
Yeah.
Remember what I said about weapon X?
And denim?
It bothers me if I take my shirt off and it's inside out.
I don't, I can't do it.
I have to right side out it.
Really?
Yeah.
When I put everything in the wash,
it's all right side out.
There are rules to get naked.
Yeah.
This isn't about that.
This is just in general.
Like when I wash clothes,
all of the clothes have to be right side out,
unless I don't wanna like correct the graphic.
I think that's just for some clothes,
it's better for them to be inside out.
What?
You wanna wash them inside.
Which ones?
Certain pants?
Like a dope graphic like this or something,
you don't wanna fade.
I think, I think that's true.
I don't wash my jeans.
Yeah, you're not supposed to.
Well, the word is you put them in the freezer.
I heard that and it kills the bacteria.
I bury mine in the backyard.
I just dump Jack Daniels all over mine, like slash.
Where do I put my vodka?
In the oven.
Oh, yeah, hot vodka.
We're doing vodka time tonight.
Boil the vodka real quick and then give it to me.
Whoa, that would be bad.
We have 20 minutes left in here,
and we're through, not enough picks.
Time for my third.
Second break.
We'll be right back.
And we are back.
Welcome back to All of Air
to see everything already in progress.
It's time for my third pick.
And we are back.
We're back, man.
Time for my third pick.
It's a cousin of one that's already been taken, but without, I guess, the feature that, frankly,
I didn't care for in the first place, I'm taking track pants.
Okay.
Oh, it sounded terrible.
It's not like swooshy pants.
Like the Adidas line down the side, track pants.
Dude, I remember, like, the soccer guys at my school would rock, like, the Adidas track pant
and, like, a t-shirt or whatever, and they all looked so cool,
and I was always so jealous.
And I eventually got myself a full-blown Adidas tracksuit,
and it is a good look. I like it.
I like a full track suit.
Do you have one right now?
I do.
I think that's definitely a dad move.
I should, okay.
A full tracksuit?
Yeah.
Full tracksuit?
Barbecue look. Adidas ones. The Adidas ones. Is that a dad move? Yeah, I feel A full tracksuit? Yeah. Yeah. Full tracksuit?
Barbecue look.
Adidas ones, the Adidas ones.
Is that a dad move?
Yeah, I feel like it's like a dad from Houston.
Wow, okay, well that's different.
That's a different dad than I grew up with.
Yeah, that sounds like a dad I could fall into right there.
On my 40th birthday, up in Oregon,
I went full Adidas tracksuit, these Adidas shoes.
Yeah.
No shirt underneath the tracksuit that zipped open.
Was it zipped open?
Yeah.
This was not in a-
Zipped open.
Up in Oregon, not in the wine country.
This was a different time.
Unzipped, you don't zip something open.
Why don't you fucking go to hell dude?
I'm tired of pretending like we're friends for six years.
Go move Harper's car.
All right.
I've been, so I'm like fully into Adidas now.
Like I really don't do any Nike.
We're, this is, Harper's the only, we're three Adidas.
Yeah, we're Adidas.
Yeah, and Isaac's wearing some sort of shmada.
Oh, those are Nike's.
Oh, those are Nike's, okay, yeah.
But like my one issue with buying a tracksuit
was like if I end up wearing Nike's accidentally.
Oh, that's a gear crisis.
It would be insane.
That's crazy.
Adidas tracksuit with Nike's, that would be nuts.
I'm with you on that.
You should get arrested for that.
Oh, Adidas tracksuit. If it's a track suit.. You should get arrested. I'm with you on that. You should get arrested for that.
Oh, a Ditas tracksuit, if it's a track.
You gotta go.
You should go to jail.
Don't be decided, this is fine, but like if you wore tracks,
like Ditas is such a clear track man.
Like Nike just has the swoosh up here on most of them.
The tracksuit look, what are those Nike's?
These are, I think, 720s, Air Max 720s.
Crazy.
I like them.
They look good on you.
They're on top.
Oh wait, no, that's it, sorry. I like the Euro trash aspect of a full trackss. Crazy. I like them. They look good on you. They're on top. Oh wait, no, that's it, sorry.
I like the Euro trash aspect of a full tracksuit.
That to me is kind of cool.
Unzipped, you got the tank top underneath, couple chains.
I've always loved a track jacket too.
Like I used to have hella track jackets.
I love them.
Unzipped track jacket with jeans
was like one of my first standup looks.
I see a gang of Armenian dudes outside of Erewhon.
Just nothing but tracksuit.
Those are my guys.
Family guys, most of all.
Those are my guys.
Yeah.
What?
It's a family.
It's a family.
It's a family grocery shopping.
Sean, tell me your third and fourth picks.
All right, my third pick, I'm gonna go...
I'm gonna go waders.
Like a hip wader?
No, like waders that you wear out when you're fishing.
That's a hip wader.
Oh, is that a hip, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rubber pants?
Yeah, yeah, rubber pants.
Somebody watch the bed.
The rubber pant man.
Laura, we don't wash these.
They wash themselves with all the urine.
Nah, they're just cool. They're dope looking.
They keep, like, you can just put them on,
go into the water.
Sorry.
This is crazy.
They aren't dope looking.
I wouldn't wear them in the world, but like.
They're utilitarian.
That's what I'm saying.
It's kind of tight.
You can get up in the lake.
Andre 3000 could wear them.
That doesn't make it like, okay, for everybody else.
He could wear those shoulder pads.
Yeah, he would look cool.
They're like a safari hat. They're a fun pant.
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, they're a utilitarian pant.
They're a useful pant.
They have one use.
Yeah, but I mean, if I need them, I got them.
Now they're on my list.
You're like Jermell in the rain suit.
Yeah, like Jermell in the rain suit.
Yes, that's what prompted the pick.
You never know until you need them,
and then I'll have them.
Have you ever worn hip waders?
No, I've never put a pair of hip waders on.
I don't think I've ever, you know,
I did at the cottage.
The general has some hip waders.
Okay.
If, Laura, if I'm lying, he ain't watching this.
Yeah, thank God.
I'll ask him, I'll make sure.
But I think I did put his waders on for this reason,
because I was like, I've never had them on.
Were you like pretending to be him for Laura?
Whoa, no, no.
Not like sexual.
No, he meant like fun.
Like, hey, look at me.
I'm the general.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's where our heads went.
Oh, that's crazy.
What?
No, that didn't.
You thought it.
You thought it.
No, I didn't.
Don't point at me.
All three of us immediately.
Isaac did.
I definitely did.
Isaac's a sexual piece.
All three of us immediately when he said you were pretending to be him for Lauren,
not that we thought that that's what you meant,
but that's what...
Oh, sex?
The head, yeah.
Oh yeah, that's what he was talking about.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
He goes, oh, sex?
Oh, comma, sex?
Question mark?
I picture you walking into a room at a party,
oh, sex?
Oh, sex?
Just tearing your pants off.
You got tears all over your face.
Oh, shit, sex?
You just go to Van Nuys and say that outside of houses.
What?
What?
Holy buckets.
All right, can I go get it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So maybe this does it.
No, I don't think that would like, nah, I can't do that.
I'm gonna go scrubs.
Oh.
I like scrubs.
Oh, good.
I had a few after my knee surgery,
the hospital hooked me up with some scrubs.
I only had to pay them 80 grand
and then they hooked me up with some scrubs.
But yeah, they're just, they're fun.
Always, who doesn't want to be a doctor?
They're dope.
And,
What?
What?
You don't ever pretend you're a doctor?
No.
I've heard people say they don't want no scrubs.
I have a t-shirt that says that.
These gals right here.
These are the same.
Yeah, man, they're just, I don't know, they're fun,
cash, they're good other-
I think they look good on everybody.
They can look bad pretty quick, I think.
I think they're sexy.
Yeah.
Scrubs in a tank top.
Scrubs in a tank top on like Terry Crews or something?
No, but yeah.
That's such a specific fantasy.
Terry Crews in Scrubs.
That's not the first time you've thought about that.
He comes in and he's like, hey, I put on the Departed and there's a bowl of meatballs for you
And a sausage this is Sean go with my car and I got and I got your crew neck right here
Very utilitarian round for you rubber pants and scrubs
With my with my fourth pick that sounds like one of those elementary school jokes rubber pants and scrubs. With my fourth pick. That sounds like one of those elementary school jokes.
Rubber pants and scrubs it.
I'm taking a specific pair of pants.
Oh, see.
I get the whole, I get all of them,
but I'm picking these for the specific,
I'm taking leather pants.
Oh, yeah.
And I am specifically taking the leather pair of pants
that Lenny Kravitz's dick fell out of in that video.
How much are those?
I don't think those are for sale.
I don't, hey, put on your VPL if you're gonna.
Yeah, I'm taking leather pants.
Touched by the loins of the Lord.
I will never in my life wear leather pants.
No. No.
But I do like that some guys do.
I've never even had the option,
they've never been around where you could put them on.
I don't think they get that.
I don't think I've seen them in a store.
Are they all leather?
So like, is the inside leather?
Is it, or is there like a buffer material?
I think it's all leather.
It's cow all the way in.
Yeah.
You don't wanna sweat those.
Cause you don't also feel like a loser
putting on underwear with your leather pants.
I don't think you do that.
I don't know if you do.
Yeah.
Leather and underwear.
I think you're just careful when you zip them up.
Or they don't have zippers, huh?
It's just hot in there like that?
Yeah, hot, yeah. And also you're motley crew you zip them up or it made they don't have it's just hot in there like yeah hot
Yeah, and also your motley crew
You're like a Houston dad
No, that's never seen a leather pants barbecue
It's hot and humid hey you guys want to come to my leather pants barbecue
You know what's crazier to me is when you see leather shorts. Yeah
Guy oh Yeah. Well, that's usually like the old nemesis. Yeah, that's usually. One of those specific guy. Oh, oh, I guess so.
Or were those pants?
They do have those big leather big shorts.
Yeah.
But I'm thinking of like a sort of a.
No, like a, yeah.
I'm thinking of like key ones.
Well, gay dudes.
I'm thinking of like gay dudes.
Courtney B.
You know.
They probably all had big leather shorts.
I feel like the end of the night taking leather pants off
has got to, like maybe one out of a hundred times.
I feel like on my body you could hear it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta do it enough.
That's not, I gotta slip into something more comfortable.
Somebody's breaking into basketball shoes
in David's room.
Like that, yeah.
Hopefully you're both like.
Yeah, if we're judging by just the noise it makes
when I get up off a leather couch.
You need to be...
Extrapolate that.
Hopefully everyone's on so much molly
when leather pants are coming off
that like there's no judgment in that room.
It just sounds like you're using a plunger on a toilet.
Like just awful.
Like that.
You're good at that, man.
Thank you.
You've been doing that?
Yeah.
Yeah. Harper, time for your fourth pick. Thank you. You been doing that? Yeah. Yeah.
Harper, time for your fourth pick.
I think I can get away with this
because it is a specific type of pant,
even though this pant was already taken.
All right.
You took one for the ladies.
He took the material.
I'm going high-waisted jeans.
The mom jeans.
Like Vanderbilt?
Well, denim's been taken, I don't know. But high-waisted jeans are very specific. I feel like you can just take high-waisted jeans. The mom jeans. Like Vanderbilt? Well, denim's been taken, I don't know.
But high-waisted jeans are very specific.
I feel like you can just take high-waisted pants,
I don't think it has to be jeans.
Okay, the high-waisted pants?
Now you get mom jeans and you get like 50s gangster jeans.
Yeah. All right.
You get like, you get like suit-suit pants.
High-waisted, yeah.
You like that look.
It's a great look.
It's going for you.
It does it for me.
Yeah. Every time.
I've never been a fan, you do, yeah.
I've never been a fan of that. Yeah, Oh, yeah I've never been a fan of that
Isaac and I are aligned on a lot of I don't like that low-cut shit. I didn't like it when it was happening
Me neither. I think I both like sex. We've decided.
Sierra's you gotta be so hot to pull those off that it's like you could pull off literally anything. What low-waisted? Yeah
Yeah, I never could pull off some leather pants off of them
It's just like you can get them me Just like you can get them off
This is a menage a situation
You're gonna have to get to man doom little hobbit
And I call my paramours a little hot.
I don't like that. I don't like that last part.
What's a paramour? A paramour.
Yeah. A love interest.
Paramour, paramour place.
Paramour these nuts in your mouth more like that.
Yo, did I just take a one?
Yes, that's what you did.
A paramour, a paramour.
A paramour of nuts in your mouth.
Yeah. I said it cooler, but yeah.
I don't know.
I see.
Maybe I didn't.
We'll be right back.
High waist and pants.
High waist and pants.
All right, David, I'm gonna be your fourth
in your final picks.
We'll do a lightning round for the last pants.
Coveralls.
Yeah, coveralls.
Are those overalls?
Well, they're coveralls.
Oh, like suit, like a jumpsuit.
Yeah, they look cool as hell.
We got one in the garage.
We got a flight suit in the garage,
Laura's dad's flight suit.
Whoa, do you ever put that on?
I had to put it on and go clean up rat shit.
Oh, did you pretend like you were him?
I go like, vroom, like from the plane.
I like that you put on the jumpsuit,
but then you pretend like you're the plane.
And it also sounds like a race car
because I don't know what a plane sounds like.
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
That's about what it sounds like when you're on a plane.
That's pretty good.
And your final pick?
Hammer.
Hammer, yeah.
You know they say it because it was his dick.
That's why they call him MC Hammer.
Well, you remember the pumps in a bump video
where he even had the bikini shorts,
like the Speedo's on.
You could see all the sinew and all of it, dude.
It was nuts.
The sinew?
You could see the bellend.
It was like a drawing.
Really?
Yeah.
Is bellend a British term?
I think so.
Yeah, I think so.
You are going crazy today, in a good way.
Yeah, man, yeah.
You're wild.
Bellend is good.
You can see sinew in the memory.
Dick sinew? Yeah, You could drop it 60 today.
MC Hammer's dick's in you.
Oh, dick's in you.
Dick's in you.
Oh, MC Hammer's dick's in you.
Didn't even mean it like that.
That was the B side.
Yeah.
That was the B side to a pair of more of these
nuts in your mouth.
Harper, your final pick?
Overalls.
Yeah.
Coveralls.
Overalls. Nothing hotter than a woman in overalls.
Oh, that is the best, I mean nothing hotter.
Yeah, and on the flip side of it,
it's very cute to see a little toddler in one.
What?
On the flip side.
Or like an old farmer.
What?
Like an old toddler walking around in an Oshkosh Pagosh.
Like an Oshkosh Pagosh.
That's not where my mind is when I think about overalls.
Or like a stupid guy?
Or a dumb guy, yeah.
Dumb guy in overalls? Going, oh, you look. Or like a stupid guy? Or a dumb guy? Yeah.
Dumb guy in overalls?
Oh, like the lawnmower man?
Joe. Jeff Fahey?
Yeah, Joe.
See?
He was hot.
He was gorgeous.
He was so hot that a woman wanted him
before he had the training.
Do you remember that movie?
If you know what I mean.
She made, she's like, stick your tongue in.
Okay, there's a scene of a lawnmower man.
It's upsetting.
So he's like...
Is that that movie about virtual reality?
Yes.
So he's, how do I say it?
He like sorted the mind of a child.
Mentally challenged.
In a man or whatever.
Of men.
She goes in and she's like,
have you ever kissed a girl?
And he says no.
And she's like, stick your tongue out.
And he does.
And she just starts sucking on it.
Like fucking face off.
But for real.
And it was a wild thing to see when I was like nine.
Yeah. Yeah.
Anyway, let's stop it there.
Overalls, yeah.
Jinkos are my final pick.
Oh, I was wondering, that's what I was wondering
if I could pick.
I think we can and I did, I think so.
That's a different pant.
Yeah, for sure.
They weren't all denim either.
No, they weren't all denim.
I don't know.
Oh, man, talk about pants that looks like it's celled.
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
No, I just.
Oh, OK.
I never wanted them, and I was too fat to wear them, thank God.
Yeah.
But even while I don't think it was sour grapes,
I was just like, you guys are going nuts.
That's crazy you're wearing that.
I always thought they were bad, especially because, yeah,
you're the same thing.
We're from the Northwest.
Yeah.
The bottoms would be so nasty.
They're crazy. So nasty.
It's raining all the time.
Yeah, tendrils of wet.
I don't think they were good.
The bottoms were good anywhere.
No, probably not.
They were in a drier place.
Actually, you were in Sacramento.
Nutsacktown.
Well, that was...
Nutsacktown.
Nutsacktown.
Yeah.
Let's each put it on job applications.
Nutsacktown. Yeah. Let's each put it on job applications. Not Sacktown, California.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chincos.
And your final pick?
I suit, if I can do it.
Yeah, let's just.
Yeah, you and your suit pants.
Yeah, that's a different, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sweat suit, I got it.
I'll tell you what we didn't pick,
what I forgot to take, cause I.
The relationship pants.
Well, hot chinos. That was the one, that's what The relationship pants. Well, hot chinos.
That was the one, that's what these probably are.
Oh, yeah.
Chinos, which are like a fabric pant.
I'll change it.
I didn't like it.
Can I pick chino instead?
No.
I didn't like suits.
Too light?
No.
Isaac, do you want to pick chinos?
Sure, yeah.
There it is.
There we go.
One we forgot?
Yeah.
Joey pants, the actor.
Oh, that's good.
It's on my list, it's on the bottom.
Joey pants, what did, I don't have, I don't have,
John Purse is the one I have.
The other esoteric picks were Relationship Pants,
Big Boy Pants, Joey Pants,
and the Traveling Pants from The Sister.
Okay, there we go.
Capri Pants.
Capri Pants.
Yeah, Capri's were pretty all right for that pocket,
you know, when they were like the thing.
I enjoyed it.
When girls were wearing Capri's?
Yeah, for sure.
Well, we wanna hear your picks.
Wait to recap. What shorts have counted, if you we want to hear your picks. Wait, to recap.
What shorts have counted, if you just said short pants?
I'm glad we didn't.
Yeah, I'm glad we didn't, too.
I'm glad we didn't, too.
I was wondering if it was worth it.
I respect this more for not.
Yeah.
To recap, David, you went first,
you took denim, khaki, bell bottoms,
coveralls, and hammer pants.
Harper, you went second, you took tear-away pants,
linen, yoggers, high-waisted pants, and overalls.
I went third, I took yoga pants, corduroys, track pants,
the leather pants, Lenny Kravitz's dick popped out of,
and Jinkos.
Sean, you went last, you took sweatpants, cargo pants,
rubber pants, scrubs, and suit pants.
Rubber pants?
Rubber pants.
There's, okay. There's not many more. Well, that's what I was going to look.
So yeah, Zubas are the same as hammer pants, right?
Basically.
Yeah, kind of.
Well, no, you're right.
Zubas are patterned, hammers are cut.
I would have accepted Zubas.
You know?
That's a, well, fatigues.
I had fatigues in there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Flight suit. Flight suit. Yeah. But's a, oh, fatigues. I had fatigues in there. Yeah. Flight suit.
Flight suit.
Yeah.
But yeah, we, I think we got.
We wanna hear your picks on this,
on All Fantasy Podcast.
Didn't mean to cut you off,
but we do have to vacate the studio.
All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com.
Shout out to everyone on the AFP Patreon,
where you can find mailbag episodes,
this or that episodes, auction drafts,
and also our live episodes,
including the ones we just did in Jew Orleans.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Jowlins.
Check those out, they're a lot of fun.
All for less than the price of a...
A tapachico.
A tapachico.
That's about true.
Actually, they're free.
Well, they're free for us.
Thanks, Mack Weldon.
Shut up!
You're cracking me!
Shut up!
Wait, not yet, not yet!
Okay, okay, okay.
Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the ones in twos.
Shout out to the AFV subreddit.
Shout out to Saint Sue Carmel.
Shout out to Frank A. Ocean on the Siddeo.
Shout out to Haji Beats, more important than all of that.
Tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Pantasy Everything.
Shaka-kwari.
Shaka-kwari!
That was a hate gum podcast.
Hi, I'm Rachel Billson.
And I'm Olivia Allen.
And we host the podcast.
Broad Ideas.
Yes, that's now on HeadGum.
On our show we chat with people like Brittany Snow, Lucy Hale, Kristen Bell, Margaret Cho,
Jake Johnson, and so much more.
And we talk about all the things you would talk about with your best friend.
Like your periods.
And mental illness. And the food you ate talk about with your best friend. Like your periods. And mental illness.
And the food you ate for lunch.
Most importantly.
Listen to Broad Ideas on Spotify, Apple podcasts,
YouTube, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.