All Fantasy Everything - Unwritten Rules (w/ Rob Haze, Shain Brenden, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Not every rule has to be in the Constitution to be valid. We’ve got some goooood picks in this one.   Episode Guests: Rob Haze @RobHaze (IG: @RobHaze) Shain Brenden (IG: @ShainBrenden)   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel) Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan) David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87) Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)   Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. important. We wanted to get you covered. We want you to know the ins and outs. Our guests today are Shane Brennan and Rob Hayes. Shane is the co-host of the wildly popular stand-up show, High Note Portland. It is a stand-up show we do in town. I co-host with him. You can also hear him as the co-host of his podcast, Asphil, one of the few other podcasts in existence. Rob Hayes, you've seen him on all the late night shows, absolutely killed every single one. You can hear him on either of his podcasts, The Through Pod or The Inconsistent Pod. Highly recommended listens. He is fantastic. My name is Sean Jordan, filling in for Ian Carmel, who is currently on a flight back from Italy. Our man is in Italy, enjoying himself, unplugging for a while, joining as always, stand-up comedian,

known boatman, fantastic person, amazing lover, David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that just had some choice words to say about the Denver Nuggets. Did we or did we not? Yeah, choice being good. That game last night was tight, it was high scoring yeah because we're scorers that's what we do we put the ball in the hole yeah man rob shane you guys can talk whenever by the way yeah i know i just want to yeah coming for you i just wanted to hear what else dave was gonna say i thought a blazer said something what What? Yeah, they've been out. They've been out. I got the jersey hang up. Have fun with that third pick.

What'd you get? Third pick. Hey, man. Have fun with the guy who's not Wemby. Anyways. Shout out to the Spurs. I don't talk to nobody that puts their airport code on their jersey. Ass foul, man. our jerseys match our carpet in the airport not the talking point you think it is

it sounds so corny when you say it like that well you may notice we are missing a voice Ian Carmel firmly planted in Bolivia at the moment. No idea when he's going to be back. We're hoping soon. We're hoping they're not going to keep him, but he might become a Bolivian national.

Weird. Who's to say? He might be on the Bolivian basketball team by the time this comes out. Can't tell you. But what I can tell you is we have two very fabulous guests. That first voice that you may have heard, you're going to catch him at Rob Hayes on Instagram, at Rob Hayes on Twitter.

Everybody, please. Rob Hayes in the building. How you doing, man? I'm doing well. I just got Rob Hayes on Twitter. Oh, you were saying somebody else had it? Yeah. I had to fight for it. I had to scratch and survive. Finally, this dude got

tired of people adding him thinking they was adding me. And he gave it up in the DMs. And then for a while, Twitter didn't seem like it was going to give it to me. And then I finally got it. And then the next week, Elon bought

Twitter. So then I was like, I had one week of being at Rob Hayes conflict free. How did it go in the DMs? Was it easy? I used to hit him up and he'd be like, hey man, good luck on everything you're doing man. I see you doing a lot.

And it'd be like, yo, nah, come up off that name. Come up off my name. Your man used to tweet once a year, you know? What was he even doing with it? he just a regular dude just a regular dude just a regular Robert Hayes that didn't believe I had achieved enough

to get that name it's like there's probably another Sean John out there and like they're like alright when I see this in every Macy's I'll give the name up to Diddy oh there's for sure another Sean John out there. There's probably another Johnny Blaze out there.

Right, right. Like, he was like, I was the only one. Yeah, man. Well, I'm glad you got it. Also, if you want to catch Rob in the podcast world, catch him on the Inconsistent Pod. Catch him on Through Pod. Also watch that Late Late Night set. That shit has me... I bring it up constantly.

The Late Late Show set. He really does, even through text sometimes. Oh, that's crazy. Dude, it's the set I watch in the airport. I'm not just blowing smoke. Almost every time I'm in an airport, I'll have a few and I'm like, you know, I'm going to watch that goddamn set. It's so good, dude. Wow, that's nuts.

You ever watch it in front of the Chick-fil-A that I used to work at? Because that would be nuts. That's the only place I'd watch it in the airport. It's the Chick-fil-A in Hartsfield. In line. Hey, shout out to that one, man. Hell yeah. That's sick, man.

Where can the people see you? Where can the people find you? Let them know. I'm going to be in Portland on the 20th. Oh, tonight. Tonight. Playboy.

Yeah. Probably won't be any tickets left, but hopefully we'll be able to release some at the door because it'll be, it's outdoor, so we don't really have a cap. So like if it says sold out online, Shane and I are blowing it.

So to show up anyways. But yeah, it's going to be fire, dude. I'm stoked. I don't know why you got to rope me into blowing some shit, but that's cool. You didn't get introduced yet. Come see Rob tonight. Come see me tonight. Where he's going to be wearing.

You're going to be wearing an Anthony Simons jersey with the area code on it, man. It's going to be wearing he's going to be wearing an Anthony Simon's jersey with the area code on it man it's going to be lit that man who didn't want to be roped in to any of this nonsense at Shane Brennan on Instagram not on Twitter am I right not on Twitter David inspired me a while ago not on Twitter yeah

I didn't make a big deal out of it I just slid out the back door man Irish goodbye Twitter because it wasn't I never felt like I was good door, man. Irish goodbye Twitter. Cause it wasn't, I never felt like I was good at it and it always made me sad. Yeah. You weren't good at it. So yeah, it's a good thing.

Good on you. Jesus. Uh, you can also hear him on the asphalt podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, Shane Brennan in the building. How you living play boy? You good?

I'm good. I'm good. Uh, everybody, I hope you, uh, dress for the weather. It's getting hot up here'm good. Everybody, I hope you dress for the weather. It's getting hot up here in Portland.

I'm seeing a lot of white limbs that have been covered up for most of the year and it's blinding. It's blinding. I'm rooting for all my white friends to get some more color in those limbs.

Come on out to f*** tonight and see Rob. No, don't go to f***. We canceled that show. Isaac, go ahead and cut off. Oh, my bad. We had to change the name because our buddy went ahead and did some stuff. Come on out to High Note. High Note, Portland.

It's going to be a good, wholesome time. We're just good guys having a good time at high note. I got a heat stroke, man. I got one plug, my boy. Hey, one job, dog.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Drinking a tequila soda at 1pm, man. I don't know what's up and what's down Come on out and slap Shane in his face Don't do that It's going to be dope man I'm doing good man

Are we actually going to do A draft based off What you presented to me Or are you going to switch this shit up on me You're crying again because you couldn't handle the scandal last time It's not our fault man We're going to do the draft that we agreed on. Rob, last time

Shane was on, we switched it right before, and he couldn't handle it. Yeah, they go off the dome. Thanks. Yeah, we had to freestyle the draft, and it was crazy. Crazy, but I'm glad to be here. That man that thought Shane Brennan did great. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram.

Not on Twitter. It's a common theme going on in this show. You know him, you love him. David Borey, how you living? What's good? Hey. I'm good, man. I just saw the Nuggets win.

That was icy. I was down at Cherry Creek today. Saw some baby geese. I took Sha Cherry Creek today saw some baby geese I took Shaq Cena to see some baby geese at the park earlier oh man see so that means that's a good sign I feel like I'm in a good headspace no baby ducks I don't know where they've been

only the geese I was seeing the baby ducks but then I guess I don't know what happened when you look at a baby geese how do you know it's not a duck? Because its parents are with it. Yeah, I got to assume the geese. I wouldn't know if you just sat them next to each other.

Unless, I don't know if geese foster baby ducks, but it's like, and now they're getting big enough that they're developing goose-like bodies as opposed to like a duck-like body. But like, yeah, it's with a mama goose and a daddy goose. Or maybe two mommies. I'm not here to say what's a family. But a two parent household for sure. Double goose household for sure. Double goose household. Okay. How does a goose

do they, how do they have sex? They do it? They just do like I think it's like a cloaca. No, well, I mean, obviously when it does one of them. That's the duck pussy. Okay. The duck one is crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. I think the goose one is more straightforward. So they're not similar. But to be fair, I don't know. Okay. Well, shit, man. You know, either way, June 18th, see me and Jamel Johnson.

Oh, yeah. DC. DC improv. Come to High Note Denver. This month is Brad Sativa. Next month is Marcel Arguello, I believe. And, you know, just be kind to yourselves. Kiss your moms.

Hell yeah, dude. I am Sean Jordan, Sean Cougar Mellon Jordan on Instagram. I just booked some dates. I will be in Columbus June 15th. Columbus, where the power went out and we did the dopest live version of one of these we've ever done. And then Cleveland, June 16th. So come to those. I'm nervous. I'm nervous that no one's going to go. So come and show up and go to those. Other than that, that's about all I got. No Ian in the building right now. So what is it?

Go to Comedy Works June 20th? He's going to be at Comedy Works downtown. You don't have to feel bad for not knowing Ian's dates, Sean. Well, I feel bad. I feel I should plug. You know the date. I don't know your dates. I know you're going to be at the DC Improv with Jamel on June 18th

Yeah, because I just said it Anyway, go check out Ian Endeavor Now, we're not here to talk about our dates or duck pussies or anything of the like even though it's super fun to talk about We are here today to draft Unwritten Rules I'm excited about it

That was a Patreon pick You gave us some fire options last time so we haven't actually put the poll up because i think we're just going to go through like the top four they were all dope uh now to get started with that uh we're not just going to start picking we're going to figure out the order with a rollicking game a rock paper scissors is going to be played between the three of you rob shane Shane, and David. So let's go on shoot. We'll go rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Y'all ready? All of us at the same time?

Yeah. All three of you at the same time. You can't do it. What if I go first, rock, paper, scissors? All right, now Rob, go. No, but I'm saying three. I never did it. So like, so odd personnel. I never did a handicap match. So let person out. I never did a handicap match.

Right, so let's say it's one paper but two scissors. Paper still wins. Odd person out. So if it's three-way tie, then we all shut our computers and go outside. Where do you play where paper beats scissors? Well, if it's an odd man out. I'm from Atlanta, like scissors beat paper. This is like

3D chess. Also don't make it seem like Atlanta is the only place that has them. Yeah, they beat scissors beat paper in South Dakota, too. We play rock, paper, scissors a little different down here. Man, I'm from South Dakota. We breathe every day. Paper beats scissors. That's crazy.

Only if it's on, man. Only if there's two of them. There's really no strategy. Let's go on and shoot. Ready no strategy. Let's go and shoot. Ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Say it three ways. So I beat Bori, Shane beats me.

No, no, no. It's just a wash. Tennessee has the same rules as Atlanta. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. This three-way is crazy. We're going to get it. We're going to get it.

Everybody fist up. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. See, there we go. Proper. Bam. Bam. And I cut both of them. That's a double win.

You know what I'm saying? Between a full house and a... Family matters. Two different shows. I was talking about poker, but sure. Man, in South Dakota, we watch them both at the same time. So I don't know what you're trying to do. Anyway, Rob, you're going to determine the order of this draft.

Now, before you do that, I will remind you that it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Shane, you want to go ahead and explain what that is? No, bro. What's a serpentine draft, Shane? Shane, hit me real quick. This is what a serpentine draft is. It's like,

you know, you got to take care of your mouth. You got to floss your teeth. And when you start flossing, it's best to start all the way in the back of like, let's say the left corner on the lower left care of your mouth. You got to floss your teeth. And when you start flossing, it's best to start all the way in the back of like, let's say the left corner on the lower left corner of your mouth. And you go all the way across all the way to the back right corner of your mouth. And then you go up to the top right corner of your mouth and you floss all the way around to the top left corner of your mouth.

And then you just kind of go back down just for safe, just for safety purposes, complete that because you don't want shit stuck in your teeth you flossed you know i'm saying damn i don't know you floss crazy yeah well you know i don't know how they floss in atlanta but in shelby county tennessee i mean we floss just to you know just to get the job minnehaha county sioux falls south dakota we floss with barbed wire playboy you better watch your back around me at Tommy Dex. That's the second time you've just got

just out of nowhere with me. I don't know how to do that. That's your thing. Basically what it means is if you pick last in the first round, you pick first in the second round. So that being... Just say that. Just see how easy that was.

You don't need a word for everything serpentine outside of philip bailey i never heard nobody say that word you know i'm saying just say that hey if you pick first then you pick last you know i'm sorry don't i feel like this is an attack on me but i've been set up look i'm i'm just i'm just going ambush what... You weren't ambushed. I'm being ambushed right now. That was for sure, because I wasn't going to do it. Rob, what do you want the order of draft to be?

All right. I'm going to go first. All right, Rob first. Then I'm going to have Bori. Then I'm going to have Shane. All right, and I'll go last. Oh, I didn't know you... Sean, I didn't know you was Shane. Alright, and I'll go last. Oh, I didn't know you Sean, I didn't know you was drafting. Oh yeah. I thought you was

moderating. I thought you was like Dan Patrick. You know what I'm saying? Malika Andrews. I'll just go last. No, what I meant to say was hot corner. That means I'll go last. No, it's all good, man. I'm in there like swimwear. That affected like my order would be different had I realized that. You don't feel like the last pick no it's straight

the way it is like don't feel bad like i really like you know what i'm saying i like this chaos man i feel great i feel fantastic now we got the order of the draft it is all lined up rob first david second sh third, bringing up the rear, your boy, hot corner, number four, Sean six, Jordan six with a C. Before we start this draft, we are going to take a short commercial break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You

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at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. And we're back, everybody. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. The only, this is a little known fantasy everything the only there's a little known fact the only podcast ever to exist except of course for assville through pod and the inconsistent pod those those these are the only four all right these are the only four podcasts

ever to exist so uh now that being said now that everybody knows now that we're in the clear rob hit spark it off unwritten rules what do got? What's the first pick for unwritten rules, Playboy? Number one pick, highly anticipated, all over the world, you know, international pick. I'm going don't double dip. Oh!

That's good. Yeah, you take a bite, that's yours. You don't go back to that dip. Do you do it alone? You can do it alone. bite, that's yours. You don't go back to that dip. Do you do it? You do it alone. You can do it alone. Yeah, that's personal.

That's your own personal business what you do alone. And this is just as someone who was raised outside. Let's say you got a big ass chip. You dip, flip it, another part that you hadn't bit on. Bro, that doesn't make any sense. That's just like taking your underwear off and flipping them inside out and then putting them back on. Don't do that to me.

You still bitten to that chip. When I see you biting to the chip, I don't know your chip politics. I don't know what part went in, what part didn't go in. At that point, if you feel like you need more dip, you need to get a plate and a spoon. And honestly, to be fair though, that's what I

do, so I can be nasty on my own. I don't try to make it everybody else's problem. I feel like also your fingers were on the other part. So if you flip it and it was just you're putting your finger part in, the part that your fingers were on the first time you dipped it. No, I keep the fingers in the mid and you spin it like

a fidget spinner. What about this? What about a big sandwich? You've got to stop dipping sandwiches and shit, man. What are you talking about, bro? Rob Shambo, do you dip sandwiches in a ramekin? You get a big sub. I don't dip sandwiches

in community dip. No, no, no. As I was saying, I was like, this is stupid because it's not that. But this is a sub-question. Do you dip your sandwiches? I'll dip a sandwich in my own personal dip, sure. What's the dip you use? It's America. Okay.

Like Chick-fil-A sauce. If I got the Chick-fil-A sauce open all the way, you know what I'm saying? I ain't get sneaky with it. I just open the whole thing. I could dunk the Chick-fil-A sandwich in there. They sell that shit at the store now. The Chick-fil-A sauce. It's great.

I was thinking, there's no world where I'm at a party and there's a French dip platter where there's a bunch of French dips around the plate. That's a nasty fucking there's like a french dip platter where there's like a bunch of french that's a nasty fucking platter that's a disgusting platter that's what i'm saying we don't live in that type of world you want a community french dip no we won the war not outside of france i'm sorry you don't travel you're not as cultured as me but some places got community travel to places where they do community French dip? You're lying. That's made up.

Not even Frank Nasty would dip like that. No. And he put two hands up on it. He dipped for all of us. We did. But my fingers are only in mid. Just like you said, what if I dip it and then twist it around? Look, I'm playing by your rules, bro.

Nobody's going to your nasty au jus party, first of all. Shane, you got a little au jus on your face, so I'm going to just leave it there. It's going to stay there for the rest of the party. It's a first-round pick, man. You don't know what they're doing in Serbia. No, they're not fucking community-sharing French dips. I'm about to change the game with this shit. Come to High Note and see Rob Hayes' headline, but also have some of our community French dip.

You want to dip your sandwich in 40 other people's nasty fucking fingers? Wow. It truly is a parking lot show now that we're doing a French dip platter out there. Yeah, man, don't double dip. Classic textbook. Yeah. International first pick. Has anybody ever called out anyone for,

have you spotted someone and called them out? Or did you just shake your head and go silent? I'm an adult, so I can't just call you out, but I'll ask you. I'll be like, hey, did you just re-dip that? I'll ask you loudly. That's as close as I'm going to get to calling you out.

Asking you so other people can hear your answer too. Pretty good version of calling someone out. I mean, I dipped it. I mean, well, yeah. It's a party, isn't it? All right, I'm going to go. That was dope, man. David, what do you got?

Oh, I mean, I got the universal urinal rule. One in between. One in between, fellas. Don't ever walk up next to me and if it's a baseball game i need a human's length in between us oh for the troughs if we're at the trough and it's just me and you we still need space right like it's it's it's one of the worst whenever somebody does it and you're just like come come on, man. Yeah. It's wild. And the trough is a wild, the amount of people that haven't seen the piss trough.

Like, there's a lot of people that don't know that game. I thought it was just like all dudes bathrooms when I was like at the fair, all of them, all the basketball games, like back home Sky Force games and stuff. It was all piss trough stuff. It's a wild move. i-force games and stuff it was all piss trough stuff that's a wild move so definitely if you walk i've encountered this at airports where you walk in and most of the most of the urinals are wide open i feel like if you skip over a bunch and stand next to me you got ulterior motives if i it's not even that it's just give me my spit this is i mean i won't i don't want to go into other pics but just like get what are you doing? And I understand the airplane, maybe you're discombobulated.

You just got in from Cleveland. You don't know what's going on. But like, ah, it's just we all know. I thought from childhood, right? That's like one of the first things you learn about the bathroom. Shake it off and one urinal in between. You first in the bathroom, are you taking the kid urinal in consideration on where

you picking your one away from you on? Depends. Like in a movie theater or something, I leave that open. I'll take a kid's if it's just two of us. You'll take a kid's. Yeah, I don't mind. I stand back. See, now, you ain't about to son me.

I'll get next to you. I'll get next to you I get next to you Before you have me in the little kid one But also If it's just one If it's just the three I'll just go to an open toilet If it's not like rush hour or nothing

Yeah that's my move I'll pivot real quick If the floor is clean I'm in the toilet for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, the airport's one of the only if I'm going to be honest, the airport's one of the only places that I still will like stand up to pee. I almost always go sit down and pee. Like everywhere.

I wouldn't tell people that, but you're spitting right now. Yeah, I always do. I always, always. Even in public? A lot of times, yeah. I always, always. Even in public? A lot of times, yeah. I mean, at airports, if it's not a busy bathroom, I always go sit

and pee. What about when you're out at a restaurant and you have to eat? Like, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick. You go in there and just go ahead and chill for a bit? A lot of times. If it's not busy. If it's busy, then no. And also if it feels gross. I don't know. I've never had that gross thing with like public bathrooms they don't gross me out like that i don't think they do understand they are gross even though they don't gross you out you're all

gross man everything's gross if you if you go down that road everything's gross just stores are gross i mean yeah no i don't mind it i don't mind it where you're eating off of. It's gross. Hey, that's cool, man. I respect it. You have a lot of interesting bathroom habits, and I think that's what makes this nation eclectic. Back to the trough. I don't know if this is true or not, but at first, I have a Minneapolis.

Back to the trough, dude. So a buddy of mine allegedly passed out in one of those troughs in first half. I don't know how it happened. I don't know. I think alcohol was involved, right? Terrible story. Why do you think it's true?

He's in the trough. I've never fully believed it, but I don't know why somebody would make that up. It doesn't make you sound cool. Even when you're like, you think dumb shit makes you sound cool. That still doesn't make you sound cool. You know, that phase of your life when you thought dumb shit made you sound cool. You still doesn't make you sound cool. You know that phase of your life when you thought dumb shit made you sound cool? You know what I'm saying? I think some people are just so

uncomfortable with silence in a conversation. They'll just say any kind of dumb shit like that. What's up? I passed out in a truck. Anyway, so y'all ready? Just a couple. Anyway, so 30 more miles to Phoenix. We should be there quick. Crypto.com

arena, they don't got dividers. Oh. I hate that. You can't name your arena after some high-tech stuff and you don't got dividers in the urinals. You can't. That's an opulent, like, yeah, I don't

like that. I get Staples not having dividers because Staples, who's going there anymore? But once you switch it to crypto.com, dog, nobody should see my penis. You know what I mean? That's fair. I agree with you.

And in the night, because the nicer the bathroom, the less chance there is that they're going to see your penis. Right. Like, you ever been to, like, the Delta Sky Lounge? Nobody's see your penis. Right. Like, you ever been to, like, the Delta Sky Lounge? Nobody's seeing your penis in there.

I never thought about that. But, yeah, you really have to put forth an effort if you really want to, you know, show someone what you're working with in there. Or like a law firm. You go to the bathroom, you go pee at a law firm, no one's going to see your penis. Right.

How many law firms are you peeing in? Enough to know nobody saw my dick. I'd take a whole dump at a law firm. I'll drop off the briefs. Oh yeah. Anything, if they were, if the employees wear suits, I'm shitting in there. Yeah.

No questions asked. Yeah, I don't mind that. I don't mind that policy. Backed. Yeah, got it. Leave a urinal between you and the next. Hands down, obviously. Rule of the game. Shane Brendan. I'm going to keep the theme of talking about

airports, traveling. I think if you are an unfortunate person where you're sitting in the middle seat on a flight, then you get both armrests. Both armrests go to middle seat. Yeah. That's like a tie goes to the runner. Yeah. Yeah, I always do that too.

It's hard to give them up sometimes, but I'm with you. I do that out of courtesy like if i'm i'm always either by the window or on the aisle so i got my one i'll lean or whatever and i always feel bad for this because i don't anybody uh purposefully books the middle seat so i'm just like look you got the shittiest situation here so let me just give you one that's crazy to think about doing it for well that's the same person who's standing right next to you at a urinal i think if they have options they're booking it on purpose i was traveling uh and this dude in the middle he asked this is the first time i ever asked he he asked me and the person on the other side of him hey would you would you mind if i take this arm

rest and i've never had that before i was like, wow, that's a bold move because I was just going to give it to you anyway. But then I thought, would I even have the kind of courage to assume and then do that? Like, hey, I know I'm sitting right here in the middle. Do you mind if I have both of these? And here's the wild thing. I was like, sure, man, it's all good. And then the dude on the other side apparently

said no. I didn't hear the interaction because I just put my headphone back on. But I could just tell by the guy next to me, his body language was so that he just kept turning. He turned away from old boy by the window. Weird. And was just really like leaning on my side. That's the problem is people don't know how to fly, man.

Yeah, man. People don't know how to fly. Just take it. If you're in the middle, just take them. You know? I mean, it's just, that's crazy. People used to fly. Just take it. If you're in the middle, just take them. You know? I mean, it's just, that's crazy. People used to fly

in business suits. You know what I'm saying? I know. Used to be a big deal. People be acting like it's an activity now. Like they about to like break a sweat.

Like, you just, you just getting on a plane sitting down. I still, I like to, I try to treat myself anyways that I'm still doing

something special when I fly. Because it is special to me. Like it's, it's always going to be amazing to me I try to treat myself anyways that I'm still doing something special when I fly. Because it is special to me. Like, it's always going to be amazing to me that we can do that and that I get to fly places for work. That's dope. And I like what I do. It's not like I'm bummed out when I get there. So, I always, I have my version of like what I think looks good. It's not a suit.

But you know what I mean? Like, I try to look nice. I don't try to look like shit when I roll up, even if it's sweatpants or whatever. And I'm just on like a courteous. Nice jeans. Yeah, even if it's sweatpants or whatever. And I'm just, yeah, nice. You wear your flying jeans, clean kicks.

Yeah, dude, you don't bring loose food. No, God, dude, you want to, you save it,

but yeah, we'll talk about it, dude. I, I can't even, I can't even begin to tell you whatever it, you know what? I witnessed the ultimate,

the ultimate flex. Cause I don't't i'm not i'm not up there like that where i'm like flying first class a bunch i'll get upgraded every now and then but like one time i was flying i think i was flying from here to atlanta to do uh it was like the red clay fest or something like that and i got upgraded and i was like oh hell yeah i'm about to just experience the hell out of these several hours right in first class and i sat down and i was very i was i was i was tired i was tired as hell because of the early morning flight and old boy sitting next to me immediately like they took your breakfast and drink orders and he just went to sleep and this the the flight attendants brought him food he was knocked out

it got cold and then came through for like all the he'd wake up order more drinks and just be asleep so like i was just like trying to experience the hell out of everything sounds like you got a lot of free drinks act like you've been here before i didn't reach over to take his oh i thought about it don't let him shame you into how to fly first class though yeah but i i want to get to that point too where it's like oh this, this is nothing. Let me just go to sleep. You know, instead of just really experience the hell out of it. But now I got comfort plus. I got shamed by a little kid in first class one time. I hate that.

He's not even supposed to be there. I thought I had to take care of this kid. So I'm like, you need help with your headphones? He's like, I got it. I got it. I was like, oh, okay. All right. I couldn't, sir.

Damn, that does hurt. You're just trying to help. You need help from Uncle Rob? Sir, please. You're in my bubble. Yeah, dude. Middle seat on flight gets both armrests, for sure. So I'm going to go.

I got back-to-back picks as it is a serpentine draft. And my first, I'm going to steer clear of what we were just talking about. My first rule is don't make me watch a YouTube video for more than a minute. You know what I mean? People have those. Oh, that's a good one. I do hate that. Dude, you know what I'm saying? We used to pass the remote around at the crib all the time, right? The PlayStation controller.

And we'd play YouTube roulette or whatever. Like, alright, Zach's up. He gets to pick the video. And if it's not a universal like, alright, sure, we're going to watch this new video, but if it's your sneaky pick that I've never heard about, and you're like, oh my God, this is so funny, but it's a nine

minute fucking video, save that shit. Don't ever come at me. I'm okay with it in that situation. I don't like it when somebody hijacks it on a phone. You're at a bar, and then they're like, look at this YouTube video, and it's like four minutes phone like you're at a bar oh and then they're like look at this youtube video and it's like four minutes and they're like holding it up the jack up to your ear so you can

i don't that's yeah we got they're just waiting on your reaction and you're just like i don't you know no i don't need all that that's i think that's a very good one sean i i like i like it at a bar i don't like it in person because if we're playing with the Ox and I put on that Patti LaBelle rolling around on the floor, you need more than a minute just to get the whole effect. You know what I'm saying? That thing might be

13 minutes, but it's well worth it. You know what I'm saying? That thing is crazy. There are, yeah, there's some exceptions to the rule, but in general. It's got to be good, though, there's some acceptance to the rule. It's got to be good, though. If you're going to make somebody sit through a video, it's got to be, they got to see something spectacular. You're taking a big swing. You are very confident in the fact that you're about to show up.

This is going to blow your mind for sure. What I'm about to show you, I guarantee you're going to like, that's the level of confidence I don't think I've ever had. Especially like at a bar where we're like,'re breaking conversation we're around friends and stuff i'm like yo check this out and i hand you my phone and have to cuff your ear for that shit hey i salute you i can't do it i learned it early on when unforgivable came out and i thought i still think it's hilarious but i was at a party it's like the first youtube video well i remember yo i bring the whole party which one we're my boy west's house i bring the whole party into the the first YouTube video. That's too long. That's way too long. Which one?

We were at my boy Wes's house. I bring the whole party into the computer room because you had the computer at the crib. I was like, you got to watch this video. Me and my buddy Adam were watching it and it started out with probably 20 people in the room and we didn't even pay attention. The video gets done and everybody's gone. They're already back in the living room talking shit about like, why do they

think that's funny? Adam and I are just they're already back in the living room talking shit about like why do they think that's funny Adam and I are just like he doesn't say unforgivable to the end so I was like okay so I can't play you and it's like different What is this? I'm sure you know, nerd. I just got off of work. Whoa. And it's like different parts.

So you might show the wrong, you might be halfway into the wrong video. Like, yo, this ain't the one. They're like, yo, there's a different one you're going to show me? I told her to get mine because I ain't had no money. I still, I still will watch. But yeah, I learned my, I was like, okay, so not like a nine minute video. I can't just drop it on them like that.

They're not. No, nobody wants that. No one wants that. I'm going to watch it later. No, I believe you. Anyway, so that. Don't make me watch more than a minute of your YouTube video. And then following suit, don't have

audible things happening when you're in a public bathroom. Don't watch a youtube video or no no don't watch don't have like don't use your phone audibly in a public restroom you know what i mean like at the airport somebody be watching videos on like all loud i just can't get behind can i tell you though somebody did that one time when i was in a shitter and it's one of the funniest things i've ever seen in my whole life. What was the video? I was, no, I was it was just this guy on the phone

out of the San Francisco San Francisco punchline and I was going pee and this guy was in the toilet and he's like he's on the phone he's on the phone I'm going pee, this guy's on the phone

in the toilet and he's's like, yeah, no, no. You know, I'm just over at this little comedy show. And then he goes, Wendy's. You ain't a game, bitch. Yeah, all right. I wouldn't get mad at that. That's a wild carnival. Can you imagine this concert and be like, what did I say about eating twice? You better not have eaten twice.

You didn't have to take that one to the bathroom. You know what I'm saying? The disrespect on that. Like, I was getting to do some grace. Like, I'm at a comedy show. Like, oh, good. You need a break from blah, blah, blah, blah, blah going on.

Wendy's shoe. What was it? He was just like, bitch, you ate again? He was, like, annoyed about it. Yeah, it was crazy crazy the rest of my day was just like trying to imagine what the dynamic of him and that person on the phone was and just like what she's saying what was her response it was like it wasn't it was like the sunday showcase so i don't think it was that late. It wasn't like that late at night. It was just, man. But anyways, I know what you're saying.

No, there's exceptions to the rule, obviously. I wouldn't be upset in the slightest if that happened to me. And it upsets the wrong word. It's just a thing where I'm like, I just, I don't know. There's a decorum. There's a decorum. The older I get, get I just the respect for the society again the unwritten rules

I just to me I'm like don't dog or put your headphones in to me it's like how ridiculous well this could be looked at sorry I just want to say like hey I'm a shy I'm a shy shitter right I'm very self conscious

so you gotta play a DMX video sure wouldn't you I'm doing everyone like I don't want everyone to hear what's what's about to happen here so let me play some light distracting shit no you know what I'm saying I'm not having a phone call berating someone for eating a

bitch you eating a kid no I'm not doing that maybe I'm listening to something no and in between you hear a little something. I feel like that can be considered considerate. I can still hear you shitting. It's like if you try to make the bathroom smell like apple instead of shit, it just smells like shit. I'm the feature. I'm just sprinkling

in there every now and then. What if you hit mute in between words? Bitch, mute. You eating Wendy's again mute like no he didn't if anything he set it up just put it on speaker

like I need everyone to hear a double baconator again I like to think of it as they were accountability buddies that's so good I'm not eating after sundown you can't either I love it I like to think of it as they were accountability buddies. Right. I'm not eating after sundown. You can't either. I love it. But I will only counter that. Sometimes though

there are people who shit like you know men of a certain age they just make a lot of noise when they do do. And I don't really love hearing that either. I don't either but I'm like it's like I'm expecting to hear a version of don't either, but I'm like, it's like, I'm expecting to hear a version of that because I'm in the bathroom, you know? It's like,

I don't mind that. There's nothing you can do about it. It's the contract I'm signing going into the bathroom. I just don't need... Also, I can still hear you shitting. You can't play something loud enough on your... If you're shitting like that, your phone can't cover it up. All I can do now is hear that and your phone. I think some people are aggressive on purpose.

No. If I hear someone on the phone, I'll flush the toilet like 30 times just so whoever they're talking to knows they're in the bathroom. That's when you should grunt. That's when you should hit a whole grunt when somebody's on the phone starting next to you.

It's crazy. Oh my God, there's blood everywhere. Yeah, don't play anything audible in a public bathroom. Shane, time for your second pick. Okay, this might be a little controversial. Hey man, bring it. It's my unwritten rule.

I've been chastised for it in the past, but I stick by it and I'm going to continue to do this as I carry on with the rest of my life. If I bring booze to a party and at the end of the party, it's clearly the party is over. People are exiting.

I brought a case. I brought a couple of bottles. Everybody's on their way out. We are cleaning up. We're cleaning up. People Keep on their way out. Jane Brennan. If I brought this motherfucker to the house. Don't make me stop this stand-up show

that we do together. I stuck around to help clean up. I stuck around to throw away recyclables. I did that shit. You wanted to make sure everybody was gone. You wanted to make sure everybody was gone. Three Bud Ices. Fuck you.

If I wait until the end of the party and there's still some left, I'm taking it home. I'm taking it home. I'm taking the Buds home. Bringing it back to the other cops. I brought enough for everyone to enjoy. You're a grown man. You're goddamn right. You think money grows on trees? I got a family to feed. I'm taking these Bud Heavies back

to the crib. You're going to water your seed with some Bud Heavy? What are you talking about? I'm taking this Maduriavies back to the crib. You're going to water your seed with some Bud Heavy? What are you talking about? I'm taking this Maduri sour mix back to the crib. My daughter, Shorty can't eat no books. Shane just walking out, Shorty can't eat no books with his half case of Bud Light. You got it for the house. I know, I'm taking it back to the house.

No. No. This is some- Taking it back. What? You're not hearing me man. No. This is some- Taking it back. What? You're not hearing me. You're not hearing me. The party is over.

This is some first apartment level shit. All right, let me ask- I remember some guy came back the next day for his shit. Like, bro, I will steal your car. What are you talking about? Yeah. It's the equivalent of me bringing over a nice seven-layer dip. Leave the dip.

I'm taking the dip. Leave the dip. I'm taking the dip. But it's in a good container. It's in a good ceramic container. Bring you your dish or bring you your dish and work on my dish. You're an animal. See, you're saying that because you guys are good people that you're going to bring. What if I don't really know you like that?

You're a psychopath, bro. I'm about to write down this rule that you just said. It's going to be unwritten for long. I'm going to write down this rule that you just said. It's going to be unwritten for long. I'm going to write it down. You are tripping. No, Rob, make sure you capitalize. You're going to make Rob cancel the show. But it's the end of the night.

Everybody is gone. Like, what are you going to do with this? Everybody better be gone. If somebody sees you doing that, you ain't coming to the next party. I'll tell you that. Yeah, you're crazy. In polite society, what if you brought like some wine

to a dinner party? Is it open? Is the bottle open? Yes. I'm going to leave that then. What if you brought 12 IPAs to a dinner party? Your wife's there.

How many are left closed? I haven't been open yet. Taking that shit. First of all, I wouldn't bring IPAs to a party. I'm not a savage you're an asshole

I love you but you're an asshole I love you to pieces man I can't get behind it you know what I'm going out I'm speaking for people who are having their voices silenced right now I'm not the only one I can't be the only one

I don't think that you're the only one. No, I don't. I saw what I said. Yeah. Somebody did that to my cousin's house and I brought it up plenty of times after that. Yeah, hit him with it. Y'all remember that lady that took her margarita mix back? You gotta do it like, you gotta do them like you did

somebody who double dipped the chip where it's like, oh, you're gonna take that home? Yeah. Yeah, if Rob yells at him, oh, you're going to take that home? Yeah. If Rob yells at him, he's like, you brought it, right? It's not even open. You don't even drink margaritas. Here's something that I will say and I have done. I don't really do

party hop anymore, but there were times where we'd have a 30 rack or something and we'd go to a crib, you'd party for a while, and then you'd be like, we're going to another party. And this is when it was like hard to get beer we weren't old enough yet so in the in sometimes like then i would be like let's grab what we brought and take it to the next spot i have done how old were you then 17 18 you know yeah right and polite adult we could get beer late at night society hey bro you don't know what I have in my fridge back at the crib.

Apparently a bunch of leftover fucking beers. A bunch of random IPAs and half-open bottles of wine. What I'm saying, I don't take it all. I leave some. You just, you know, it's at the end of the night. It's at the end of the party. You're democratic about it. You're like, how many of these IPAs you want me to leave here?

Listen, this is for the world to decide on. I hate it, but this is, that's you, man for the world to decide on i hate it but this is that's you man you're being you're living your truth yeah what if shane brings a 12 pack with eight beers in it and he pre-leaves like instead of bringing home he just comes over with eight out to 12 that's what i'm worried about that he already knows that this is the situation don't do that don't do that you took a penny before they told you your total. I get it. Don't do that to me.

He was never. He was never. This was never. This isn't some type of altruism. He was never coming. He wasn't stepping forward on a good foot. You started on a bad foot. Shane, I got to say, man.

Good on you. You're like, I got these 26 keystones in my fridge. I'm going to bring them to the party. But here's nine. I'll probably take 12 home. Nobody just wanted four dudes to sit here and get along for an hour and a half. So, yeah, good job, man. That was tight.

Give them something to listen to. Please invite me to your parties. I'm a good guy to have at a party. Yeah, I'll take all your booze. David, what's your second pick? Next unwritten rule. If you come over and you're at my house or whoever's house and we all get a pizza,

you got to ask about the last slice. Even if it's, even if it's just that general, like, Hey, is it cool if I get this last slide? You have to make it be known when the last slice is eaten. You can't just,

you can't just take that last slice. I would feel weird because there's people watching. So I wouldn't just want to do it because I'd have to be like, you can do it. This goes for the person. You definitely know you did not buy this or didn't put in on this. You're at a place. You're at a house. Regardless of what the

situation is, even if we all put in on it, it's just the last slice. It's sort of like, all right, we all pitched on this it it's just the last slice it's sort of like all right we all pitched on this pizza but we're eating at your house shane so i'm gonna be like hey is it cool if i get this like and it's usually you know what i mean it's very rare that somebody's gonna double break protocol and be like nah i'm actually gonna eat that yeah no man i was saving that i was gonna have it after the after the game sounded like you just said we all just pissed on this pizza. You didn't say pissed on it. What did you say? Pitched.

It said pitched. I knew that wasn't what you said. Pitched. Hey, so if they could figure out a way to take this pizza home with that beer, is that what you do? Shane's going to take all the pepperonis off

and then walk out the door. When I put it on this pizza, I was only paying for the pepperoni y'all don't even fuck with pepperonis oh man what a polarizing choice no yeah I feel you it's just sitting there you just gotta acknowledge it man

and everyone's gonna say go for it no one's gonna stop you everyone's gonna be like yeah sure get it even No one's going to stop you. You know, everyone's going to be like, yeah, sure, get it. Even on a DiGiorno. Yeah, you do got to ask. Even on a DiGiorno. Yeah, for sure. Is that exclusive to just pizza or is it any kind of like, yo, Any kind of group food?

Wings or. Wings. Oh, wings. Wings. Yeah. Although I feel like there's, if you have leftover wings, then it's probably kind of like, you're either gonna finish

all the wings and everybody gets five or you're gonna have like a gang of wings left right yeah you know what i mean we used to do excuse me at our lunch breaks uh or like adam and joey would do whatever uh we'd get um a little caesar pizza one of them like five dollar ones and then i'm ready you know a lot of times people would just split the pizza down the middle but our method was you you can't take the next slice until you finish the slice that you had so the quicker you ate the bigger slices you could get so like you know how they'd cut it on even sometimes you could eyeball like the biggest slices and if you just ate quicker than the other person you could get all those big slices

it's kind of a fun way to do it. You guys came in with a motive. That's some snake in the grass shit, though. Yeah, man. Ask about the last slice at a party. For sure. Be a gentleman about it. This is a society we're living in.

Got to do it. How do you guys feel about if you if you fuck with Papa John's? How do you feel about being at a party or something like that and someone taking a whole taking a whole dip for themselves? You know what I'm saying? You know how? Because they leave the little. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. You're taking the whole garlic sauce.

How do we do that? Because I've sat in silence and just brooded watching people. I think I see some people pour a little bit. But I've done that. One or two people. Yeah. You get one good pour and you good. Like, I don't want to talk to nobody.

If they done hoarded the garlic butter, then don't get in my face and talk to me about nothing. Honestly, and this may be shady of me, truthfully if I'm getting a Papa John's, I'm leaving the garlic butter in the car. I could use that for something different. Well, well,

well. So premeditative shit, you're going to give me shit about only bringing a couple beers in the case. If you want to leave a few beers in the wind. You take the whole garlic thing in the car. Yeah, I didn't bring it in. What you doing with the garlic butter, though? I'm real curious. I've never reappropriated the garlic butter.

Man, it's your world, man. You want to scramble some eggs? You want to pour it in there? You want to do a thin schmear of it on like a sandwich that you're making? Like a turkey sandwich? Do a thin schmear? It's like, bro, you can do whatever you want.

You just opened up a world of possibilities. Yeah, you can do whatever you... Make some ramen noodles. I respect that, but wait, wait, wait, I respect that, Dave, but I'm just saying we're at a function and you're walking in with the Papa John's and people opening up and they don't see any of the given garlic butter packet. Are you ready for that type of questioning? What's your excuse?

What are you going to say? I brought a Papa John's. Eat my dick. Right. You're going to say it all mellow like that, too? Yeah. I brought a Papa John's. I don't.

If you don't want any of the Papa. I'm giving you free pizza and you're crying that you don't have garlic butter. That's rude. Okay. This is what you do. You bring up some of the things Papa John has said in his past. Yeah. Distract them. Now they

on to that. Like is this even okay? Yeah. Cool. You go in that corner grab that garlic butter. I don't even know if we should have it. I'm doing you a favor. I'll get this out of here. I'll get this paraphernalia out of here. Without this, this is regular pizza.

It's not problematic no more. Get this garlic butter out of here. I'm just going to go find a cop and give this to the cop. How y'all feel about the pepper? Oh, what do you mean? Who gets the pepper? I think that's kind of a first come first serve that's not good enough for anyone to like i think claim if you just want a whole thing of pepper gone you know what i mean why pepper is the bottom of the pizza condiments by

the way my mom's friend likes the pepper and so you know uh you know older people don't have boyfriends girlfriends they just have friends. He likes the pepper, so I'll be trying to get to that pepper before he gets to it, for sure. It's like an assertion of dominance? Yeah, it's like, yeah, man of the house type stuff.

I hate the pepper. I hate the pepper. You look at him, eat that shit. I'm my mom's first friend, we talk about that. What I will do is I will order... Look out of here. So we have understanding. I'm sleeping in her bed tonight.

Rob, hold on. He's dipping the pepper in the garlic butter and just... Oh, that's tight. He's dipping the pepper in the garlic butter and just mmm, yeah. That's tight. Ask about the last slice. Rob, time for your second and third picks, as it is. A serpentine draft. Oh, shoot.

Okay, I forgot about that. Back to back. 96-97. Okay, okay. Hold a door to the next dude. Pass the door to the next dude. Pass the door to the next dude. Oh, yeah. I hate it when people don't keep it going. Yeah, keep it going.

Also, if I hold the door for you, I can look at your booty a little bit. I ain't going to say nothing. I'm not going to say nothing to you. I ain't going to say nothing about it. But I do, you know what I'm saying? In exchange for me holding open the door, I do get a peep. You know what I mean? It's a door tax. Yeah, the door tax

for sure. The door tax? She turns around, what are you looking at? The door tax. Door tax. I didn't even do it. It's a government thing. Especially like, and I understand there is a distance though. There is a distance cap on this. Yeah. Because then, because it's a government thing especially like and i understand there is a there is a distance though there is a distance cap on this yeah because then because at some point you holding it over

open is a burden for me well then you got to speed up and then you know what i mean like if i'm just getting out of my car and you're like and i'm like man maybe i was gonna take a phone call maybe i was gonna watch a new desi Banks video on Instagram in the time it took me to get in the door. You know what I mean? You're assuming a bunch on me. Take a phone call. They're just holding the door for you and you're like, Arby's, bitch, you ate again? That's three times.

But if I'm giving eye contact, then it's like, you know what I'm saying? You know what it is and vice versa. If you see me going towards the door, yeah. But just enough for me to grab the door. Right.

Also, but you don't have to stay in and let my whole party in. Now I look like a dickhead because you let my whole family into Chuck E. Cheese. Just let me. Just give it to me and I'll get my people in safe. I'll give it to you when you reach out for it. Right. Thanks, man. All right, everybody.

But you don't need to stand there. You don't need to stand there and let my girl in. There's no door tax. I don't know, man. Sometimes. You know what you gotta do is let the girl in and then just slide in after she goes in. Yeah, you're trying to door tax my lady. No, no, no, no. Not today. Sometimes. You know what you got to do is let the girl and then just slide in after she goes in. Yeah, you're trying to door tax my lady. No, no, no, no.

Not today. Just pie face him real quick and be like, no, I'll go in. That's when you know the couple's like, they through with each other. When they just let you door tax their girl, then it's like, they on the outs. You know what I'm saying?

They don't even care about me holding his door. When they let you door text? Yeah. I could door text J-Lo right now. Yeah. He doesn't care. He doesn't care at all. He was so done yesterday.

You let her walk right in. He's going to walk in front of her. That's how hard he's going to let you door text. That's a door text assist. Ben Affleck. He's throwing it off the backboard at that point. He wants you to go ahead and text him. Door text, Ben Affleck.

I bet it's happened. Please tweet it as someone's door text in the last 48 hours. Somebody did. Yeah. That's perfect. Hold the door. I've had people...

It's supposed to have been dudes. They have the door open and they look back and see me coming and I'm just a couple paces behind them and they'll just let go of the door. You have somebody look at you and then let go of the door? That's personal. That's when you got to go ham on them, dude.

You got to let them know. I feel like if you make eye contact with someone, you should the gracious thing to do, the polite thing to do would be to just kind of leave it open a little bit. But yeah. Yell at them to hurry up. When you swing that open back up, like what do you say? What do you mean? I'm just telling them I'm going to tax up. When you swing that open back up, like, what do you say? What do you mean?

I'm going to tax them. They didn't hold the door open. The door closes. You got to open the door. Are you saying something? Are you walking in like, somebody scared of me? God, I wish

I wish I was that guy. I wish I could sit here and lie to you. I wish I could say Omar Cohen or something crazy. I'm going to try to Joe's mad for at least a minute. I'm just mad at myself. I'm fighting by myself. I'm probably

passing the disrespect on to my party of people. Hurry up! Just shutting it right behind you. it yourself i did yeah no uh yeah no i'm not saying anything damn that sometimes you really gotta look at yourself in that in the glass when they shut the door on you yeah that's i'm not saying anything rob third pick therapy you had the grocery store you take your groceries out the cart you gotta either put your cart into the little cart parking deck

or you put your cart all the way back at the grocery store yeah sick of people propping it up on curbs like as somebody who was a cart guy that doesn't help right of course it doesn't you're moving it farther away to a weird

no cart spot yeah it's still sucks those are indoor wheels those wheels are all terrain now you got them on grass gravel now it's making a crazy noise when I bring the cart machine around cause you just got chunks out of it you see the ones too

there's one at the farthest corner of the parking lot just some you know it's just like where where no cars would ever even park you're like how the fuck did they even get out there it's because somebody let it ride and it just the wind blew it or something and now like some kid has to walk all the i grew up in south dakota it's like 20 below sometimes those kids got to go wrangle those stupid carts it's yeah it's ridiculous. And the funnest part of going grocery shopping is pushing the cart in the little parking lot

thing. Yeah. That's one of the fun parts. That's where the hills are. It's fun to aim it and see if you can get it from 10, 20 feet away. Just push it and get it to go in the cart. Into the little cart garage. Dude, I care about carts way more than I... So now that I got a kid,

I try to go to the grocery store with the nice carts. This Happy Valley grocery store, the Fred Meyer. They got these plastic carts. They all got perfect wheels and it's fun to push her around in these carts. I'll drive. It's an extra five minutes, but I go there just for the carts. Never thought I'd say

that. They don't got the carts that look like police cars, do they? She is never going to be in one of them, but she'll never be in one of those. I'm worried about those kids. Don't have your kids being copped at a grocery store. They don't even know what's going on. They don't know no aisles or nothing. They already on patrol. I hate that.

Yeah, they got rid of those in Portland. Defund the grocery store cart right it's just it's just fire truck carts left and that's it that's good though that's good and lift cars or some shit they got they got that out there no more police cars yeah no i'm gonna be a cop be a fire cop yeah yeah yeah man no i feel you put the carts back it's crazy that the amount of people that don't that goes right in line to just like somebody's got to do that and at the kind of person who thinks like i shouldn't have to take it back the extra 10 feet or whatever it's just a weird sense of entitlement i don't i just don't i don't get that just go do it people will do that people will do that just like oh there's people who work here. That's their job to do that.

Yeah, but that's not their job. Their job is to get them out of the fucking cart corrals. No, put them back. Or take them in. Or just carry your groceries. What's up? Deal with it. I put a napkin in my Gatorade bottle and then I tried to drink out of the Gatorade. Is that what just happened?

When they were sanitizing carts, then I was real serious about it. Then was like yo y'all y'all out here jeopardizing our health they gotta wipe this down you know what i'm saying y'all out here getting the carts unwiped well and yeah sometimes it rains a lot here sometimes i just can't find a dry cart because nobody will bring them back like They'll just leave them in the entryway almost where they're still getting rained on, but they're not in a cart corral. It's frustrating. Well, up here in Portland, we have a real problem with

a lot of people taking the carts, a lot of homeless people that are taking the carts and just leaving the Fred Meyer and stuff like that. I was coming out of the store the other day and they had the unarmed this old dude who is the security guard at the grocery store.

He was literally like ripping a cart away from, you know, almost guy who was trying to like leave the parking lot. And I'm like, at this point, man, like, who's this for?

You just, you're being loud. You're yelling to this dude. Just let him have the cart. They put little governors on the wheels. So they lock up if they get too far away sometimes. That's a wild thing. We're like, you see, that's the time where like, okay, somebody was trying to take that and they couldn't.

Where it's like in the grass on the sidewalk. That's somebody just being like, oh, wheels locked up. Man, it makes me appreciate what I got. Anyway, on a lighter note, David, time for your third pick uh oh man this one this one it comes up a lot and it really bothers me let old let old people sit down on the bus man especially if it's like heavy trafficking like after work type shit and you see like a teenager sitting there talking about whatever the fuck they talk about. And there's an old lady standing like dog or old man or what old people sit on the bus.

You got to let old people sit on the bus. Almost anybody I would give up my seat for in a bus. No, that's not how I feel. I used to bother me so much to see people stand like almost everybody was a little more cashed out than I was when I rode the bus like that I would always stand I mean I don't know I mean it's like whatever if you're just a regular person

I don't really care but if it's like an older person who's clearly been at work all day like it's like human decency it's always like really young people who don't do it you know what I mean? I feel like there's a general if you're in your mid-20s on,

you're like, yeah, I get it, but it's always like some 20-year-old or some teenager who's like, or a kid. You know what I mean? You're just like, man, shut up. You know what kills me? These dudes that got their big-ass backpacks and they'll put them on a seat and then they won't. It's easy enough to put it on

your lap and just free up the seat. I've seen people mad full glass. I don't like that either. And they'll just have their backpacks in the seat. Until all the seats are full. Then you have to. I'll give up the last seat on my big bag safe. I put my big bag on the urinal

next to me until the rest of them are full. You just put your backpack on the urinal next to me until the rest of them are full you just put your backpack on the urinal right there yeah just put it right there you got other spots to go little kitty urinal but also nobody ever wants to sit next to me on the bus

so I'm straight but like I understand for other people but yeah just you gotta stand up you guys get the fuck up I'll get up for whoever if I got a belt on. Because then it's like, all right, I already look like an adult today. You know what I'm saying? If you have a belt on?

If I got a belt on, then it's like, you know, what am I doing? I'm out here acting like a kid. Let me get up. Let me just get up. Be a good example, you know? If I don't have a belt on, I'm a hoodlum. Then it's like, alright. Oh, okay. Alright. Okay. The belt. You're presenting adulthood

with this belt. If I remember to wear my belt, yeah, I'm getting up. I'm a hero. I didn't realize bus politics until I moved to Portland because I never really rode the bus like that back home. But then in Portland, I was on the bus heavily for years

and years and years and there's like a whole there's a whole system of laws and politics in place on the bus it's crazy it's a whole lot oh yeah and just like how you got to act and like we got to be aware all the time like this dude next to me one time threatened to kill everyone on the bus he just sitting right next to me threatened to be stood up said he was going to kill everybody i was like holy. But not you, though. He didn't say anything to you. No, he didn't say anything to me. I mean, that happens all the time, though.

He didn't even know you were there, bro. Yeah, he might not have been. He was hopped up. Yeah, man. Let old people sit down on the bus, obviously. You're saying, David. Shane, time for your third pick. What else are you going to throw in? What other crazy shit are you going to throw in? What other crazy

show are you going to throw in? If someone comes with a girlfriend, if they don't talk to them the whole time, then I can make out with them. I'm taking her. I'm waiting until the end. Let's see. I think this is just

this might be, this is not a controversial one. I think you guys might agree with this one if someone we're all out having some drinks or whatever and Dave is like yo I'm gonna go to the bar get the next round what do you guys want when someone offers to buy the next round

don't be that person that gets something that's clearly something that's way more expensive or more than what you yourself would get for the crew. You know what I mean? Like, you can kind of tell what the group's going to get. Don't hit me with the I want top shelf shit now. Like, we've been here for an hour just drinking Rainiers.

Yeah, and then all of a sudden you want, like, a Paloma with 1942. You want Blue Label. I just saw you drinking hams for three hours. What are you talking about right now? I think the move is, I always say whatever you're having. If someone's like, I got it, what do you want? I'll be like, whatever. I ain't picky. It'll all get me there.

Whatever you're having, throw it at me. I think it's just being a considerate person and just knowing that... I've had that happen to me where a couple of, because sometimes I'll go with some comics and I won't say anything because I know they might be, you know, hurting or whatever, but like, if

you try to double up on me when I'm trying to go get the round and you've been just low-key the whole night, I'm making sure the round comes back around to you. Okay. I'm going to make sure it comes back around to you. I like that. Everybody's like, oh, I think we're going to bounce to another space. I'm like, no, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's just get one more. Let's get one more. Let's get one more. Right? Right? Dave, you've been drinking Cuddy Shark the whole night? Don't say that.

I haven't. The whole night? Bro, we got to let people know that's not what I drink. The whole night? People really are like, people come at me like buying me Cuddy Sarks and stuff. We haven't done that for years. It was something I said like four times five years ago. You gotta relax. You know, don't bring me a

bottle. I don't want to fly with it. Like, I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't even think it's good. I just thought it got you drunk real cheap. I mean, it tastes like turpentine. Well, that's the thing at the roost I'm not like a cutty start guy That's not what I drink

It ain't even that cheap We found out at the roost it's like 9 bucks a shot It's not even like It's because you're not supposed to cut it with anything It's because you're supposed to cut it with shit It's ultra But whatever the point is Leave me alone

Please leave me alone No I'm with you now I've let it sometimes like if they let it be known you know if I'm like I'm getting a drink what do you want

it's whatever you know I've definitely told people like get something if you want something a little more up there go for it it's not a big deal

on the other hand is it also an unwritten rule that if you if you are already in the group and someone's there we're already already taking turns if you get up you have to throw it out there right like i'm going back

yeah it does feel weird to go come if you go back and you just you come back like with your own drink and a shot you're like no it's been full the whole time we talk about it yeah i'm gonna ask you real loud yeah uh if you if you got another one, especially if we've all been trading rounds. I'm a fancy broad, so if you ask me what I'm drinking, I'm going to get what I drink. But chances are you could have talked me into it. You know what I'm saying? Chances are I've been like, I'm good, I'm good,

and they're like, no, you got to get something. Then it's like, all right, well, what you got? Slow gin fizz? What are you doing? Yeah, what does fancy mean? I'm a whiskey guy, so you know. Okay, you're in good company. I drink Jameson, you know what I'm saying? Oh, Jameson isn't fancy?

No, Jameson ain't fancy. Some people would be like, I'm from Drink Ticket USA, you know, I'm a comic, so you. You know I'm a comic. Sometimes I order Jameson and they be like, hey, hey, you can't get that with this. Hey, we can't tell you what it is

with this. That shit kills me. Comedy done got me thinking Jameson is top shelf. Anything above a drink ticket. I used to be in Brooklyn ordering Jameson. They be like, ooh, okay. You got money. That kills me when you go to get a drink ticket. I used to be in Brooklyn ordering Jameson. They'd be like, oh, okay. You got money. That kills me

when you go to get a drink with a drink ticket at these shows and they're like, oh no. And you're like, just please. You know,

it's such a hard. I just hold it up now and I let them point to what I can have because I know it's nothing that I would normally order. But sometimes, sometimes I want

what I want. So then I present the drink ticket later. And if they're like, oh, you can't do that, then I'm like, all right, cool. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'll do something with this. We'll have a good whiskey next Thursday or tonight if you're listening to this

right now. That's exciting. We're going to have a fancy Jameson, dog. Okay. On me. Some of that Jamo Black that I left at David's exciting. We're going to have a fancy Jameson, dog. On me. Some of that JMO black that I left at David's house. Yeah, that was weird. I don't think there was a cap on it. There had to have been a cap on it. I bet there was a cap.

I bet there was a cap. Danny Maupin just drank the last of the beers he left yesterday. See, I knew they'd go to someone fun. Danny rules. I bet he had a great time with him. It wasn't a bad time. No, Danny's still with him. Anyway, alright, so my turn, I got

what are we on? My third pick. It's my third pick. It's crazy that it made it this far, but my third pick, unwritten rule, if you go to a party with a bunch of beer and the end of the party rolls around and there's still beers left, you leave them at the party. Get them!

Get them! Get them! Clearly we go to different parties, bro. No, I think you go to the same party. That's why this is so funny. Clearly we get invited back to different parties. Some of us were invited. No, I don't think you were if you

beer-hocked it at the end of the night. To be fair, I was going to pick this. That's why i'm taking mine back because he's leaving so much on the table they don't need all this extra stuff no to be fair that was he's leaving his the first thing that popped into my mind was that we've talked about it enough but i'm just like yeah that i i just plan on it now we're like now it's a bottle or whatever you bring like a bottle of jameson or some wine or whatever, but you're like, yeah, I'm going to leave it there. That's the whole... That's what it is.

It's kind of like the fee for like, all right, you're going to let me party at the crib. Dope. Here's my entrance fee. Is this half bottle of Jameson or eight White Claws or whatever? Now I might take one for the road, but that's going somewhere before I even get home. So it's like waiting for the lift or something but yeah that's pretty pretty easy one for me

like i did all the heavy lifting on this no i just feel like we all agree this is like like a smell of weed all over again this is like also i've been at a party with sean and he does he won't take it back I've also been at a party with you and not seen you take it back either I've seen Sean live his raps is all I'm saying David just cause you ain't seen it don't mean it ain't go down man

that was the coolest thing anyone's ever said to me yeah oh yeah anyway so that was my third pick we don't need to dive in too hard if you bring beer to a party leave them there not like a lunatic who I don't know even know who would take them after they brought them but like just

leave them there chill out let everybody else enjoy the party and for my fourth pick my fourth pick we will get to right after this short break this episode of all Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their

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And I was excited to pick this. I like this. It's a fun unwritten rule. It's fun to say. Don't write a check with your mouth that your butt can't cash. Oh, do you ever say it with the alligators and canaries? Never mind. What? No, throw it at me. You ever alligator mouth and canary

doesn't matter. Same vibe, same thing. Don't run your mouth. Whatever. And it doesn't always have to be like a physical thing. What is it? Don't let your ass check that your mouth can't cash. Don't write a check with your mouth that your butt can't cash.

What if we're hooping? That's what I'm saying. I think I have this one. I'm writing all kinds of bounce shit. I think basketball and sexting are the two places. Yeah. Sexting is the hard one because you can say a lot

in a text that you never expect to get called on. Oh yeah, because then you can say a lot in a text that you never expect to get called on so oh yeah you know all that shit I said I didn't we're still gonna do it but I don't yeah I don't even know what most of those words mean so I don't I'm just you know I'm gonna do what I can I'm a lot better at the pillow talk post quiz than I am like I don't know about

I'm not really all those emojis that all night is a very long time. I've told this before. I learned this. This was like the first hard lesson I learned from another kid where we were on the phone. And this was like the bigger kid. We were just talking shit to each other. And I was like, well, go on.

Go ahead and come on over then. You fucking called him a coward. I think whatever. We're like 12. I didn't realize he lived like three blocks away because i was talking a lot of noise on the phone about like i'll do this i'll do that he comes over starts banging on the door and i started crying immediately i was inside the house i started crying i was like i gotta go out there so i go outside and i started to say something with my chin all shaken and he slapped me it's hard just

slapped me and i was like all right and i was still like quivery i didn't say anything then he hit me and then he's like what were you saying on. And I was like, all right. And I was still like quivering. I didn't say anything. Then he hit me. And then he's like, what were you saying on the phone? I was like, nothing. I was like stuck by chin. I was like, nothing. And then he goes,

he's like, kiss my shoe. And I was like, I'm not going to kiss your shoe. And he goes, good. I was going to kick your fucking teeth out. And then he's like, don't talk shit. And he walked away. I was like, okay. So that was the first time

I wrote a check with my mouth. And then it bounced. Like you said. But you went outside though. You attempted to catch that check in full and I respect you. Yeah, the bank said no. Getting slapped by somebody after they walked three blocks is nuts.

You had all the wind in the world. You in the AC. This kid walked three blocks. He would have killed me. He still doesn't like me. I won't say his name. He still doesn't like me i won't say his name he still doesn't like me to this day when i go home yeah and i remember i got so when he hit me i got a big bruise on my chin and then i went to the skating rink that night and everybody was like oh damn

you got into it with so-and-so and i'm like i was like yeah what's up you know i didn't i didn't tell him all the details but i was like you don't have to talk about what happened at the wedding. Why were y'all talking on the phone? Why? Yeah. Like this is before IG live. Like how did y'all get together and each other on the phone? He called to threaten my buddy for whatever.

And I grabbed the phone to get, you know, just to be like, I got this. Yo. No, he's, just to be like, that's how I feel. I got this. Yo. No, he's not going to call over here. You mess with anybody on my block, you're going to get handled, dog. Dude, you might be saying exactly what I said. It was a version of that.

Rob, I don't know if you noticed. But he wasn't your friend, so that means he had to call. No, I was with, wait, what are you talking about? I was with my friend. But like the guy, he had to call. No, no. Oh, he wasn't. No, no. I was with. Wait, what are you talking? I was with my friend. The guy, he had to call around to get your phone number. Like, he had to be like, where's blah, blah, blah. I think he's at Sean's house.

Okay, who's got Sean's number? No, we were at CJ's house. So, we were at the kid's house. So, he was talking to him. I just grabbed the phone, and it was seriously something like that. Oh, it wasn't even your house, and you hopped on the phone. Yeah, I was playing dad, and I was seriously something like that Oh it wasn't even your house and you hopped on the phone Yeah I was playing dad I was just like

Where was your boy that you were defending Inside dude inside Behind you If he would have come out it would have been a different story So when you cried he cried too Y'all cried together No he wasn't He knew he wasn't going to do anything

We cry baby No he knew he wasn't going to do shit So he was baby. He knew he wasn't going to do shit. He was just standing inside letting me cry. He let you leave his house to fight his fight. He sure did. This kid had to look up old boy's mom in the phone book. That's nuts. It was a trip, man.

That was the first time though. I learned that lesson real early. I only had time, though. I learned that lesson real early. And I only had to learn that, well, I learned that one like three times, probably. I learned that lesson. That was the first time I learned it. That's pretty good, though. Three is pretty good. Yeah.

With like real content. You know what I mean? Where it's like, oof, that sucked. People not going to pull up on you now. Now talk about the trash you want. You know what I mean? Yeah. We got video games.

We got Fortnite. Like, you good. You were? Yeah, yeah. We got video games. We got Fortnite. Like, you good. You were really just born in the wrong era. Man. I remember one time this kid, I did the same thing. And he's like, I'm coming over. And so, again, I was terrified. But I went outside and I waited for like an hour and a half.

And he didn't show up. And nobody said anything to him. Like, he just didn't show up. I was out there waiting. And he's still the toughest kid in school the next day. I was like, man. I mean, he would have just showed up and beat me up but like he didn't you know maybe that's why nobody was tripping he was doing i don't get it anyway we're not here to talk about we're not

here to talk about my middle school escapades uh so yeah don't write a check with your mouth your butt can't cash shane what do you got number four number four damn i had that one but it was worded differently. Basically, don't start no shit, won't be no shit is basically what you said. You worded it like somebody who wouldn't have cried when you... Shane was going to wait around after the party and take the shit home. I think Lil Jon wrote it down that way. Oh.

I like to think he ad-libbed that shit. Let's see. Lil Jon wrote it down that way. Oh, this is fun. I'm going to go with... I'm going to go with... I've had some low time writing. I'm going to go with... This is a little handwriting.

Yeah, we're 8As. What you going to do? Shit? Don't start no shit. Hey, Yang, what do you think of this? Why are you acting like a... Like a... Be a...

What else, guys? Why are you acting like... I need another word. Beer. What do I say after beer? Ah, skeet. I need more skeets. Kind of a B-rush. I need more skeets. Hey, Jessica, what rhymes with skeet?

There's not a lot. Jessica. That was a Jessica definitely hanging out in the studio during that. All right. Shit. Okay. I think I'm going to go with what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Isn't that a written rule?

Is it written? I feel like it's written all over signs in Las Vegas. Oh, they wrote it? I feel like it's more of a vibe. I'll let it ride. I was questioning it too. I know what you're saying. I mean, you know, whatever.

If you want to redact it, we'll redact it. I've never done anything in Vegas where I'm like, that has to stay here. Maybe I picked it because it's such a whack. You've done stuff in Vegas that you don't, it's such a whack broad thing. Love it to be out though. No,

but did I, I mean, I don't, you know, I've never like, now's not the, yeah. All right.

I guess if I don't want it to be out, because I'm following, yeah. Cause I'm following that rule. Don't ask. I can redact it. I can redact it. That's,

that's like a written, it's a written, it's been redacted. But I like, I like what you're saying though. I agree with it. Oh, I got a hero. It's been redacted, but I like what you're saying, though. I agree with it. Oh, I got... Here's more of a... This is just a...

When you go into an elevator, face the doors of the elevator. Right? There's one way to face an elevator. That's insane. I never even... There's one way to face an elevator. Don't be that guy. Who would go in and stare at everybody?

I never even stated it. Do it, dog. Face an elevator. Don't be that guy. Who would go in and stare at everybody? Doing it, dog. I can't wait to do that now. Go on YouTube after this and look up how many... You just stand in front of the doors like a door guy? YouTubers are trying to do pranks and shit like that. When you go on an elevator, go in and face... Because sometimes people will be like, what if there's doors on both sides? Face

the way that everyone's facing. Don't be that. If there's doors on both sides, I can go back to the wall. Yeah, I go sideways. Right, but you face the majority. Next time I get on the tram in Denver, you want to talk about face. I'm going to stand in front of those doors like there's a velvet rope behind me. And when people try to get off.

That one's tricky because when you get off it, you're getting off on the other side. Well, not only, I'm saying I'm try to get off that one's tricky because when you get off it you're getting off you're getting off on the other side i'm saying i'm gonna get on like the a gate go to the b gate and just stand there for all the people that got on wanting to get off on the b gate and make them walk past me like a door guy you know you feel the time you get to there you might get taken off they might bring you on the b gate they'd be like that i heard about you you started crying you said like one word to some guy on the phone, and he walked a few blocks and made you cry.

Didn't that happen? No. Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm on an empty elevator. I pretend like I'm Arsenio Hall. So I put my head down, and then when the door opens, I like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were in Phoenix And we had one of them like outdoor

Elevators and everybody could See you and I would just be riding down Like a cartoon character Like I'm Lex Luthor or something Those are fun We had those in San Diego back in the day We used to go there for these trade shows You think everyone's looking up in the elevator

and nobody gives a shit what you're doing. Right. Only a little kid's looking in the elevator. I'm not impressing no adult. Yeah, I just think you're being a weirdo on purpose. I think you're there to just try to make people feel uncomfortable. If you walk into an elevator and it's like

there's anyone in there, a group of people, and they're already just facing one way, you walk it in and just like the door's open, you walk straight in and you just don't even turn around. You're just still looking at everybody. That's wild. I've never encountered that. I don't think I'd feel good about it.

Alright, try it out. Tell me how it feels. No, I don't want to get plowed over. I told you before this started, my elevator's broken. Oh, it's broken again? Stays broken. Stays broken. Yeah, face the doors in the elevator. Yeah, man. Somebody should write that down

for real. David, fourth pick. If I show you a picture of my phone, do not scroll. Yeah. You know what it is. Even if you don't know what it is, just don't. You don't know what it is.

Just don't. You're going to find what you're looking for. You're going to find what you're looking for. And just fuck you. Don't. That's like my... It's so weird to me when people do because you're like, I know what you weird to me when people do because you're like, I know what you're doing. Now, sometimes if you're like...

Yeah, that's it. You want to see my wiener? You want to see some boobs? Is that what you're doing? There's no other interesting pictures I took. You want to see videos of the boat races when I was at the lake yesterday? I didn't hand you my phone being like, look, I took 15 pictures of the Parthenon, so here's one

of them and just scroll left or right to see all of them. It's like, here's a picture of this, like this sign above a garbage can that accidentally had a swear word in it. Or if somebody gives you a phone and it's a series, you scroll until you get to the last of the series. And then you're like, okay.

Oh shit, there's a gym selfie. Here's one more, even take like, take it a little further. If I show someone a picture on my phone, I don't really necessarily need you to grab my phone out of my hands. I can just hold it for you. Because when people grab it, that bothers me. I'm like, what? You need to, you know,

there it is. That's what I'm saying. There's the Grand Canyon. You don't need to take the phone and be like, oh, damn. No, I'm with you. Completely. Yeah, I don't know the people that have that kind of, I don't need to take the phone and be like oh damn I'm with you completely yeah I don't know the people that have that kind of trust in people that just hand them my phone. That being said I don't have a single picture on my phone that I couldn't show everybody

it's not like I have a ton of smut in there I just don't well I guess if you are just handing your phone over willy nilly then you're living right like everything's above everything's above the table it's a privacy thing or you don't care I mean you're everything's above it doesn't matter it's above the table it's a privacy thing or you don't care i mean i know plenty of people who don't give it i could scroll through and they'd be like oh yeah i mean they don't it's probably not some

shit i'm gonna want to see but yeah i don't i know people that wouldn't care they got tons of wild shit on there but regardless i'm completely with you i never i had to look at the one and i if somebody hands me their phone i'm real quick to give it back. I don't like holding other people's phones. Right, right, right. It's like going to an adult's bedroom where I'm like, ah, I don't like being in here. It's weird, you know? I stayed at your house, David. I didn't even look

in your room. That door was shut. Didn't even think about it. No, it doesn't have a... David, they got no door. No, the bathroom door. By choice. By choice. By choice. By choice. You relax. By choice. The architecture. The structure is that.

Yeah, I don't like you when you say it. You're just laying away like David ain't got no door. It's an open space. It's on purpose. It's luxurious like that. Wait, someone say David

ain't got a door. David ain't got a door. He got no fucking door. Yeah, man. If you show a pic, if I show you a pic on my phone do not scroll through fantastic Rob time for your fourth

and then your final pic as it is a serpentine draft okay fourth and then my final pic for the fourth pic say there's ambiguity over where

the line begins. We must recall the order of who got there first. Just because you know where the line starts, you know you wasn't here first. Yes.

Yes. Yo, man. Man, somebody's got to write that down. I hate that. And then I hate it when people are like, oh. I almost got, man, they tried to kick me out of Palm Springs for that. Yeah, while I was asleep. One time. Yeah.

Yeah, because this girl, and she did it because I just could tell she did it because she was like, she thought she would get away with it being cute. And I was like, you just cut everybody. And then she turned around and she looked at me and she was like and even the girl in front of me was like no she cut everybody and then they the security guard came and he's like sir you're gonna have to stop yelling and i was like what the fuck this girl just cut everybody and then she did like cute face like she didn't know i was like bitch i walked you watched you walk up You're a bad person. It was you and Jason up in there, right? Yeah. And then didn't they try to kick you out?

They tried to kick me out. They told me to quit yelling. Listen, I don't really know. Whatever. Yeah, yeah. What dynamics were actually there? Sometimes they hit you with the line starts here sign, but sometimes that sign is indicative of

your thing ain't set up right. Because if it was set up right, it'd be obvious where the line starts. So if you got to put a sign that says line starts here, clearly there's some kind of issue because other people coming in thinking the line starts

somewhere else. And this sort of goes hand in hand with that. But this was one that I had where if, if there's like a clear line, but somebody just has something that they deem is like a quick issue or whatever, like at a hotel, if you're checking in and somebody comes up and they're like,

Oh, I just, you know, whatever. I just need something real quick. And they just cut. I hate that shit. Like you got to wait in the line.

No matter what. You got to wait in the line. It doesn't matter. I don't care what you need. When you have your quick thing after you waited in the line, the person behind the desk is relieved. They're like, okay, cool. I can knock

this out. The line is shorter than I thought it was. You got drunk and lost your room key. That's no one's fault but yours. Wait in line to get a new room key. Don't just pop up and be like, can you just give me a key for 806? bro this always happens to me when i'm boarding for a flight right because you always got people standing around like waiting for their group c or group d to board like when it's time for your group to board like of course the first couple of

people in line it's like orderly but then it starts fanning out and everybody's playing that game of like are you next am i next and we all just got to kind of out and everybody's playing that game of like, are you next? Am I next? And we all just got to kind of merge and shit. Yeah. Oh, that's when I come with the boarding pass. I'd be like, hey, does yours look like this? Who got one of these?

Who got one of these? I need to be ahead of you. What was going on? Did you already dip that chip? We got a different color. We got a whole different color screen right now i'm always like people when people want to cut you know whatever and they could they look all distressed i'm like it's all good like i got a seat number so you know i because people in

airports i do give a lot of slack because people get like hella flustered because i you know i forget not a lot of people fly a lot a lot. It's a weird... You like to get in your cups in the airport too though, right? I get into my barrels in the airport, dog. I get handled at the airport. I think it's a blast. So yeah, I'm always sitting there like, go for it. I don't care. You can have my arm rest too if you're in the middle.

If you can reach your arm out to the aisle, go for it. I'm just going to sit here and watch Straight Outta Compton or Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Those are my plane movies I digress every time you start an NWA every time dude there's parts

now I'll skip to different parts okay I think that movie to me one of the only good biopics that I can think of I honestly think it's a good movie I know that they embellish. Maybe you didn't want to talk about it as much.

I know that they didn't do all that stuff for real, but it all did come from somewhere. People's big gripe with that movie was they don't show the bad stuff. I'm like, well, they do, but also remember that Dr. Dre was a producer on the movie. Ice Cube was a producer on the movie. They're going to leave out key details of their

past because they produced it. That's just how it's going to go. But I do like the movie ice cube was a producer on the movie they're going to leave out key details of their past because they produced it like this is how it's going to go but i do like the movie they was riding around and shooting people with paintball guns and then they got pulled over and they made f the police and then in the movie they made it seem like the police just came and knocked their sandwiches i didn't like off. I didn't like that either. I didn't like that either. Of course that didn't happen. The amount of people that thought that was real, they were like, you thought that happened to Eazy-E and Dr. Dre? No, they were out doing some wild shit. No hot dogs

on my watch. Anyway, yeah. Make sure who got there first anyway yeah make sure who got there first gets to go first I love it and last pick we got plenty of space we in the night spot we at a

festival we somewhere but it's not crowded yet don't touch me to get by me just go by me. Just go by me. You only touch me on a need to touch basis. Don't try to hit this shoulder so you can get over this shoulder

and all that goofy stuff. Don't touch me unless you absolutely have to. Yeah. Yeah. That is why the amount of people that just come up and I catch myself doing it because I just get stoked sometimes. I'll just come up and

smack people's shoulders. Not smack them, but give them a little like, hey, what's up? I'm right behind you and then walk around. The amount of people that I do that to and they turn around like, fuck you. Stop. Yeah. I get it. I hate when dudes hit the small of my back like I'm a lady you know what I'm saying cause I'm like ain't nobody

supposed to be touching me right there he's just trying to take the lead he's trying to gently yeah and now you done caught me off guard got by me and I'm like alright I wish one time I could just gently that hand like one time they go to touch me right there I could just grab it you know

like yo what you doing with this you right there i can just grab it you know like yo what you doing with this you know what i'm saying i think at least some of those people even though you don't want to be touched there's a bit of consideration there because i really hate the long line of this has only happened to me personally there's always a long line of young girls where they're like holding each other's hands and like the lead person just just like pushes through the crowd and they're making sure they're holding each other's hands and the lead person just pushes through the crowd and they're making sure they're bringing all their girlfriends with them. Or aggro-ass dudes that are just

really excited to see. And then you're just standing there like, we all paid the same amount of money to see Jermaine Dupri. They don't get to go up front. I'm up front. Yeah. I've been pushed over. I've had people just bulldoze past and what are you going to do? I'm just going to be mad and watch I don't know Mumford and Sons

close this out but like I feel like if somebody tries to touch you yeah oh sorry real quick I was at Austin City Limits Music Fest a couple years ago and Mumford and Sons was really like closing it out and these two dudes these white dudes

they look like well me and my wife were sitting there, we're vibing out, we're watching because schoolboy Q had just finished this set, but clearly he finished and Muffin was closing out and my wife calls them the Winklevoss twins. They came up. These two white dudes,

they were both wearing pop college shirts, short khaki pants, all that. They've been kind of hanging around our group the whole night. They didn't want to be a proper school boy? They broke out a joint, right? And they were like, do you guys want to partake? And my wife was like, no, you go ahead, babe. So I started smoking with these two

guys and my wife was standing right there and then Blackout City, I wake up and I just see my feet kind of dragging and I look over and I see my wife. She's like kind of carrying me out. She told me the next day, she's like, I'm glad I didn't smoke. Take that joint. Because like one of the, like the one Winklevoss

twin lit it up. He took a hit. Passed it to the other one and that guy faked hit it and then passed it to you. Really? Right? And then they would both they'd both take turns. She ain't tap you or nothing? Well, she was really into Muffin's book. She loves Muffin's book. Damn, Shane. I didn't know you liked to get wet, man. Sure. nothing well she was really into muffins look she loves muffins bro i asked her the same shit the next day she's like when the banjos and the bass drum hit i just

get taken to another place so she thought i was cool because i've been chopping it up with these guys but she's like yeah i think you they might have laced your shit because I saw you about to take another hit, but you were going down, so I took it away, gave it back to them, and they freaked out because she was like, get the fuck away, and they disappeared. But she had to carry me out of there, and she's only a buck something.

I'm a bigger dude, so yeah. What were they going to do? You were to Mumford. They were going to rob you? They were going to have their way. They was going to carry Shane out. They was going to carry Shane out. They was going to carry me out. They were going to carry me out. They was going to do Shane like he do his beard.

They were waiting for that. They were looking at my wife like, are you going to finish this? Are you going to finish this? You're going to take this home? We're taking this home. We're taking it home. We'll probably do it in the car, to be honest.

Hell yeah. David, last pick. Stay home if you're sick. Oh yeah. I get so sick of that when you see somebody out and they're like, no, I'm good. Well, you're coughing and you're sneezing

and it's rude, bro. Get away from me. Now schools, if you got a fever, you just can and you're sneezing and it's rude, bro. Get away from me. That's it. Now schools, they like if you got a fever, you just can't come in for the, you know, the whole next day because of COVID. But like, that's how it always should have been. If you got to stay. I get mad when I see comics doing that shit. I walk this show.

We're on the lineup together. You just. Oh, that's it. I got to touch this mic. What are you doing? Oh, it's not COVID. But still, come on, man. it's nobody's funny or sick yeah it's never worth it yeah no i mean we're doing it's never worth it yeah i remember the call center jobs you know i get it now they would

they'd always be like if you are sick at all we're telling you for real stay home no one's gonna get mad at you but then you're like of course i'm not gonna stay home i use my sick days when i feel great at those jobs you know like i don't i don't stay home because i'm sick i'll just go to my shit job when i'm sick but regardless yeah if you're sick stay home feeling that for days shane last pick what you got all right uh i got one this is basketball related uh uh if you're closing the game out and it's the last few seconds and you're trying to run the clock down do not pass a grenade off to a teammate for them to try to take a last minute shot that's the unwritten rule

of basketball like if you're going to be that guy not a buzzer meter no like making this shot could make or break this game you could win or you know be up or whatever. Picture Dame in the last couple seconds. He's got Paul George right in front of him.

He runs the clock down to like two seconds. Oh, you mean. And then just try to kick it off to somebody on the wing and put the pressure on them to make a shot. No, it's on you, dog. If you dribble the ball, you're trying to run down the clock, and you really think you're that guy to take the last shot? Be that guy. Don't toss your teammate a grenade.

So you're anti-plays. You're like, hey, don't be running plays, dog. I respect plays, but bro, think about it. Think about the type of news. I'm sure it's happened for

people running plays. You play a lot of basketball with clocks. We play until the yard's closed and we have to go back to our cell. That's our clock. Playing for time, not points. Really, really, really be that guy. Where do you play basketball? I'm not making this up. This is like a real

unreal rule. I've been hearing this shit since high school. If you really want to be that guy and you're dribbling down the clock, take that shot. Go ahead and do it. You had time to pass it off in 10 seconds. This feels like something that happened to you once specifically that you're really upset about. You are open. Yeah. You are wide open.

I was waiting. I was waiting. You know I got a set shot. You know I'm in the corner. Let it out. Shane's over there screaming, give me the pumpkin. Give me the pumpkin. Nobody give me the pumpkin, man. I get waiting. You know I got a set shot. You know I'm in the corner. Let it out. Shane's over there screaming, give me the pumpkin. Give me the pumpkin. Nobody can give me the pumpkin, man.

I get it. We're in Birmingham, Alabama. This is my AAU squad right now. I'm supposed to be out here shining. You're going to wait until two seconds in the pass? You had a whole 10 seconds to pass it to me. You're safe here. Keep going.

In Birmingham, they'll give you the rock, paper, and the scissors at the end of the game. They don't care. It's all right. A whole different beast down there. Don't run down the clock and try to throw a grenade to your teammate, man.

Take this shot. I feel you. I feel you. My last pick, treat walking like driving when you're in like a crowd at like an airport or something. Just rules of the road.

Oh, he's talking about on the side, walk on the right hand side or whatever. And also, it does bother me a mess when people are doing don't stop dead in your tracks and think that you need to answer a phone or your email or whatever like you know what i'm saying you're walking in the airport and people just will stop on a dime and look at their phone to the side go to the side pull over right pull over that shit it and that's good that's about the only time that i ever like

i get i get like barky you know i usually just whatever like keep it pushing but if that happens i'll just give like i'll just walk like bro like one of those or whatever and i've had a few dudes like look up and then we you know we have we have some stuff to say to each other nothing ever happens but it's just like i just can't stand that shit oh irks me so much it's mainly at airports but like games basketball games mall and holiday season whatever like just where there's hella people you know i get most patriotic when people walk on the left i'll be like hey this is america okay we walk on this side yeah we we won all right? We don't drive like that. We won the war. Yeah, well, that is going to round out the draft.

Let me do a recap just because it's always fun to say. Rob, you went first. You sparked it off. You said don't double dip. Hold the door for the next person. Keep that line pushing. Keep it going. Put your cart back

or put it all the way in the store when you're done with it. And make sure who got there first is the first in line if it gets all scattered. And don't touch me to get by if it's not crowded in the situation. David, you went second. You said leave a urinal between you and the next one if it's not crowded. Ask about the last slice at the party. Let old people sit down on the bus. If I show you a pic on my phone, don't start scrolling. Don't get ready to see what you're not ready to see. And stay home if you're sick.

Rules to live by. Shane, you went second. Middle seat on the flight. It's both armrests. You are absolutely correct. Bring your booze home with you if nobody drank at all at the party that you brought it to. Man.

I got goosebumps. Made my stomach hurt to say that out loud. Be cool to other folks when they offer to get the next round. Don't go crazy. Face the doors in an elevator when you get on. Don't pass the rock last minute for the shot. Take it yourself. Don't be a chump. I went last.

I said don't make me watch more than one minute of a YouTube video that I don't know. Don't play anything audible in a public bathroom. I pick leave your beers at the party that you brought to the party, like a person who's been to a party before. Don't write a check with your mouth that your little

butt can't cash and treat walking like driving. Your little butt. Your little 12-year-old butt can't cash and treat walking like driving. Your little butt. Your little booty. Your little 12-year-old butt can't cash. Can you take these tears all the way to the basement? My chin hurts. Yeah, that was great. Anything we left on the board?

Anything I wanted to say that you didn't get out of six, man? I got all mine. The only thing I got was Puff Puff Pass. Oh, yeah. I got if it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown's brown flush it down only works at your house oh for sure if I pee at someone's crib

I go ahead and flush it yeah it also doesn't work if I'm at your house I'm not gonna go to your house and let it mellow yellow go ahead and make that choice I got off before on, like elevators, buses, and trains.

Like before you get on the elevator or something like that, let people off before you try to just steamroll yourself in. Gas up the whip. I didn't have a car for quite some time. If I'd ever take someone's, I'd always like throw,

maybe not fill it up because I couldn't, but I'd throw something. It'd be even with where it was, you know, just basic shit, rules to live by. So that wraps it up.

We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at allfantasypod at gmail.com Hit us on Instagram. Hit me on Instagram anytime you want. I'm still answering all of them. What are you doing? You doing the cut thing? Oh no, you weren't. You were just touching next. Sorry, I thought Shane was cutting me off. Come to Hino Comedy

tonight. It will be fun. I'm so excited Rob man Thank you so much Thanks for having me this is a blast Thank you for doing it Shane seriously thank you so much for coming on Always a pleasure David always a pleasure to see you

I miss you like crazy And I don't care if the world knows it I miss you every single day Did you see that movie we were talking about Yeah she's going out. So, uh, I'm like,

yeah, I'm going to go ahead and watch it. You want to say something? You want to holler? No. Told me not to ask. I ain't going to holler. You just need Negro.

Yeah. David, David. I think the movie was called jungle to jungle. It's time to watch this movie that David told me to watch, but I can't say the title of it. Anyway, that is the show. Shout out to Haji Beats.

Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. More important than... Shout out to... Well, I didn't know if you wanted me to bring you up or not. Fucking shout me out.

I'm your producer now. Well, I didn't know if you wanted me to bring you up or not fucking shout me out i'm your producer now i didn't know if you wanted it to be brought up shout out to isaac taking the reins mr isaac lee ice on the beats my produce there's one rapper on well there's two rappers but shane doesn't have it on you know he's not solid like i am but isaac glad to have you on board playboy uh to be here yeah man look at that bassy look at all that say something else what what you want me to say what you want me to no you did it man that's it

uh this was fantastic shout out to everybody shout out to everybody in the world go out go outside and smile this is fantastic

I'm in a good mood man shout out to his family shout out to everybody in the world more important than all that than everything I just said, please tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy. Everything.

Shacklackity! that was a hate gun podcast