All Fantasy Everything - Vacation Activities (w/ Ron Funches, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: April 8, 2021

Vacation, all we've ever drafted! Episode Guest:Ron Funches @RonFunches IG @RonFunchSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting vacation activities, because Lord knows it's been too long since we've been on vacation, and you can almost see it over the horizon. Our guest today is stand-up comedian, actor, and writer Ron Funches. Ron has lent his voice to projects like the Troll series, Bob's Burgers, Adventure Time, and Harley Quinn. He now hosts Chopped 420, a new cannabis-infused cooking game show

coming to Discovery+. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Bordy. Let's do it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast inspired completely by the YouTube series Carmel and Funch Do Lunch. Available. That was a fun time. That was a fun time in life. You were there, right?

I think so. I know. Did we go we go to big ass sandwiches when it was by when it was downtown yes we did yeah i was there and um i was still truth be told a little bit nervous around ron when that was happening because he's black we weren't yeah dude i was fresh out of sioux falls i didn't i hadn't really lived even though i was a crip yeah are you not nervous around ron anymore well i'm not around ron this is where i'm on the computer so it doesn't this is all this is all different this is like watching porn as far as i'm not nervous around porn stars so why should i be nervous around you guys that guy who's not nervous around porn stars is sean jordan seanis jordan on

twitter sean cougar melon jordan on instagram how are you doing sean i'm good man i am really good i'm really good like i was just driving today thinking about how i was in like almost too good of a mood you know where everything is just i'm like squirking it's going the way it should i feel fantastic you got a backwards hat on dude you got a real loose flannel i was gonna say that's like that's a keep that's miami style yeah i love the nike warehouse after this and uh i want to i got to be loose i can't wear anything thick so it's gonna be a loose button up ron you can talk whenever by the way you don't have to wait for us to know if it wasn't great till you're introduced oh no no no no we'll do we'll do all the introductions

say yes like you're wearing a shirt but but also not wearing a shirt that's how it is that's when i put it on i was like i want them to say that so this is nice it's breezy it's incidentally there yeah you look like i mean you look like maybe like a mother who just brought her kid home from the hospital so you can breastfeed at any moment like it's that kind of a fit one of these like oh this thing this whole thing i'll just pull that aside and then maintain a conversation and i but you're also still painting the nursery that's yeah yeah this is quite true i'm i'm about to set up a crib like on monday that's pretty buck i was just gonna say and this is call me crazy i think this is your hot dad look yeah and you're crazy dude i think you're going dilf right now full on yeah i'm in is that a term

i've never googled it but i have two 25 pound free weights that i lift in the garage and i think that's a pretty that's a pretty new dad move to think you're gonna lift weights right so like a teen brother move yeah and i'm not a teen brother not anymore yeah man we have uh thank you to everybody who bought baby gifts the registry sold out in a in like an hour or some shit it was crazy so and by the way ian thank you you're welcome i didn't get a text i was expecting a text or something no wait i was waiting for this so i can say thank you live thank you yeah it means the world. I appreciate it.

You're talking about for the retweet, right? I threw a retweet on. I'm not getting you anything, though. Ian actually donated the sperm. So I just wanted to say thanks, man. Ron, did you know that Sean's going to be a father in about three months? Three months? Yeah. Absolutely.

Congratulations. Is it three months? Yeah, man. Early June. Early June. Little baby june little baby buck little baby buck man kick flipping out of the womb the birthday is very close to tupac shakur's birthday and i already said we're gonna name her a phoenix regardless so if she lands on if she lands on tupac's birthday then tie it. He's a strong black name.

And if she's not out by then, I'll just toothpaste Laura and just get her out so it'll be all right. What's toothpaste? I think you know. Squeezer. Oh, squeezer. Okay, gross. You wanted to not think what it was.

What did you want it to mean? Some old wives tale where it's like the smell of toothpaste induces labor or something like that. I'm going to squish that baby out, my beloved. He's going to roll her up from the toes. He keeps a paper clip on her for later. Get that last drop.

I just squeeze the pregnant woman from anywhere and then, you know, throw it away before I need to. I lost the metaphor. You did. I hope you have better jokes for Afini when she's born. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to be a real, I'm going to be the uncle you become friends with when you're like in your teens. I'm going to have nothing to do with the kid up until then.

You know what term I just heard the other day is drunkle. Never heard it my whole life. Me, by the way, I've never heard it. Ever. Drunkle. Well, that's kind of how it goes when you live it you know for some reason the drunkle doesn't remember the term that we call him every night when it's like go to bed drunkle and i'm like i don't know what you're talking about they're not saying when you're having a baby that they let you in well now you're not this now if you keep doing this you're just a bad dad so stop

drunkle was only said while you had your head in the fridge checking the expiration date on a corona light huh they don't i i check it and it's expired i'm like but they don't really expire right they're good they're just good can't. They're just good. Alcohol can't expire. They're just good. Pour it on. Do you have any shows coming up? I know you're doing stand-up comedy up in Portland, Sean. You know, I have some outdoor shows coming up for the Mercury, I think, at the end of April.

April, I'll say the dates a little more efficiently as they come up. But it's the last Thursday, Friday, Saturday of April. I'm going to do some shows on the waterfront and I'm looking forward to it. Beautiful. That'll be great. Keep a lookout for that. David Borey is here. Coolguyjokes37 on Instagram. TheGSI on Twitter. How you doing, buddy? I'm good,

man. I smoked a salmon last night. Smoked some avocados the day before that. I'm just smoking a lot, man. You've spoken to me in one-on-one passing drills, right? Like they're trying to block you. We're doing Oklahoma's in the backyard. It's, you know, spring's happening.

Yeah. What's in Oklahoma? Do you remember Oklahoma's from football where you guys both, it's just a toss. It's just one-on-one, baby. One runner, one tackler. We didn't play the same football, I don't think. I wasn't doing Oklahoma's with the A team.

I was doing Waters with the D team, think sean played the beautiful game he was on the brazilian soccer team u19s i know about that the jenga the jenga of your people did you cold smoke or hot smoke the salmon hot Hot smoked the salmon with an apple wood four-hour brine. Three-hour, or I let it sit for about four hours. So it got the, I keep forgetting the word, but like the sticky film kind of on the outside that it's supposed to get. The dank. Yeah, the dank. And then I basted it with honey.

Something you shouldn't be allowed to do at your house is kind of what it feels like. Grown-up hobbies. I love a grown-up hobby. This is great, though. I've never seen a face so appropriately look like they should say three-hour brine as you, David. When you said it, I was just like, oh, he's found his life.

Bro, I'm deep in it.'m deep in it i put i'm putting vegetables on there it's like i didn't know you could just have a smoker and i didn't know you could just do that in the yard you've been doing it for a while haven't you you've never given out a smoker no not before i've been doing it for like three weeks and uh i'm good i'm getting an apron so it's things are getting serious You put pellets in there and stuff? No. I got like my... So I have a grill with an offset smoker.

So I'm just feeding the wood myself. But it's like, you know, I'm just out back there anyways, fucking farting around. What am I? I got a grill with a Quavo smoker. So what's up? Come on, man. I'm trying to be serious. Members amigos is the thing.

So keep going. Go ahead. Offset and Quavo? I'll sit here for a while. You shitting it. I'll just sit in it. Three-hour Brian in that, dude. What if I take another button down?

Will that make up for it? I got too many buttons unbuttoned, too, so I'm with you. You got a Henley on. I got a Don Henley. Is that the Eagles? that's the eagles guy yeah i think it's named after don henley no way i think so he started the three button shirt and then he really i could be full of shit right now but i've somebody told me and then i accepted it

as truth without doing any further research okay who's named those shirts with the zippers on the side who are those who's named after those are those chapelles or who up named those shirts with the zippers on the side who are those who's named after those are those chapelles or who up the side that's the edge dude from you too he was a zipper guy the edge was definitely a zipper guy the edge yeah yeah i can't do it with the zippers are you you're doing a little stand-up now as well, aren't you? You have any shows coming up? Oh, yeah. April 15th, I'm going to be at the Colorado School of Mines with that huge bitch, Marcela Arguello.

Tell her I said it just like that. Half off. She's traveling to the Colorado School of Mines for a show. Yeah, fucking doofy bitch. I don't know what she's doing, but I School of Mines for a show. Yeah. Fucking doofy bitch. I don't know what she's doing, but I'm going to open for her. Miners absolutely love Marcella. Yeah. I've done that school.

That's a good show. Is that a good show? Oh, man. It's a good show. One of the good ones. I'm excited. My friend Jancicot goes there. He's real.

It's going to be a good time. Are you preparing any special mine-related material? Like MIND? No, mind, dude. Wait, is it the Colorado School of Minds? Oh, dude. It is. I think it is the School of M-I-N-E-S, but it's for real M-I-N-Ds.

Okay. M-I-N-Ds nuts, of course. M-I-N-Ds. Excellent. excellent so if you're at the colorado school of minds make sure you go see uh david and marcella marcella and david i'm opening i'm just i'm just gonna sit there i'm just gonna sit there and heckle it i just was like tight a tight 15 that is so when you're like i I'll do 15 on the dot. Yeah, why don't you give me the light at 12 and I'll figure out where I'm going to land the plane. No, yeah, it'll be fun though.

Ron Funches is here. At Ron Funches on Twitter. At Ron Funches on Instagram. At Ron Funches on several television networks these days. Thank you. Yeah. How are you doing, Ron? I'm doing very well uh happy my

son's about to be 18 which is crazy is insane beautiful it's super beautiful i'm loving it just getting ready to graduate him pulling april fool's pranks today he's just a full-grown man what'd he prank you with did he he get you? yeah he put out first of all he came upstairs and he told me all of them before I could go down and see them dude he's getting in there he got in your kitchen early

and so then he had me go down and look at them in the first one and they're all labeled with little sticky notes to also let me know in the first one he's all like all labeled with little sticky notes to also let me know. And the first one, he's all like, I poured water in your cereal. Ha, ha, ha. I'm like, it's not even my cereal. It's my wife's cereal. So you just fucked her over.

Not me. I'm fine. That's why he didn't tell her. He told you. He's kidding everybody. He put some toothpaste in some plants. He put a little pop zombie on my windshield. And all of it was labeled so i could easily know

and i that's i really got a kick out he gets you three different times he tells you and then you see the label and then there's the prank itself he's getting three times the value out of these pranks yeah you're like oh something's coming i know it's coming oh there it is there it is that's just good storytelling that runs in the family yeah so yeah I love it I get a kick out of it I'm just hustling happy

are you doing stand up yet have you been out there doing it at all what's your no not really currently I'm planning some gigs for May and june um but i've been okay with not i've been real happy with just giving into the void and then i heard a larry do you know the rapper larry june he's so good he's so good david the whole album is yeah he's incredible man yeah he had this line in the song, and he just goes, shows, I ain't got to do them, still rich.

And I was like, I love that. Yeah, I relate to his line where he says, I was cleaning up the house, I'd be sweeping and shit. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, man, me too, bro. Yeah, he's real lame bro he's all about get healthy drink smoothies he's a real just laid back

realistic guy and I love it it feels like it's like currency walked so he could fly does that make sense? it does feel like that absolutely I love this there's a rap lyric for every point in your career there's like different like there

was the motivations where it's like yeah I'm driving to fucking like cat like north to see I'm going to Bellevue to do a show for seven dollars and I get to do 15 minutes you know and there's like a lyric for that and then there's one for I'm not gonna do stand up until I absolutely have to I'm also and I'm figuring it out i mean it definitely was stressful for a little bit but then i was like i'm figuring it out yeah well finding like a like a nice little where it's fun to do you know because for a long time it's like you have to do it it's how you eat and everything and then like now we haven't done it for such a long time and now i'm trying to find this part where i went out the other night and i had such a good time like a good time like i like i

used to when we all started that kind of where it was like this is this is feels fun like nothing else like nothing else wasn't scary it wasn't anything it was just like raw fun and that's what i want i know exactly what you mean i did a show recently and the lineup was um matt bronger was headlining and then it was uh uh amy miller and arlo warehauser and i was like these are all the people who i knew in portland and now we're just seeing matt just nervous backstage because he's like i haven't done them in an hour in a long And I'm like, this is what I missed is just like being backstage with this energy and being excited and not knowing how it's going to go at all. And so I feel the same way.

I just want to be able to main. I'm definitely not retiring from standup. I just want to make sure I can do it in a non-obsessive way. Yeah, absolutely. I can't. I'm going to go to Portland this summer, I think, and just go for a week or two and just do as many shows as I can. Yeah, go nuts. Yeah, just to try to get in the flow again.

And also, I just miss that Portland energy, I guess. There's really fun shows in LA, don't get me wrong, but I definitely miss people thinking I'm famous this is my favorite place so i love it because yeah it's the place that is like i go travel other ways and they're like ron you're great ron you're fucking great and i go to portland they go ron you know ian carmen

i'm like I'm on shit. You weren't on a show that came on after like a quarter of the Blazer games, though, man. And that was your big mistake. That was your big mistake up there. My landlord knows you. Who? Ian? No, yeah, Ian.

My landlord was like, I was like, yeah, I do comedy. He's like, oh, that's cool. And I was like, he was like, do you know so-and-so, so-and-so? And I was like, I don't. And he's like, what, Ian Carmel? And I was like, yeah, I do. I don't think he believes me, though. Real bitch.

I guess Bobby Lee talks about you on his podcast a lot. Oh, we did a TV show together. Yeah. And Game On. but he said he knew you he didn't say game on he said from bobby lee's podcast weird okay all right yeah shout out tiger belly i guess uh ron talk about your the show coming out on disney plus dude that's very exciting literally disney plus would not touch it ron talk about chop 420 a star wars story real quick

uh yeah i'm hoping hosting chopped 420 on discovery plus which is i love that app because my favorite series is 90 day fiance and they have all those episodes and 90 Day to Single Life where people curse and stuff. And I like that. So this is Chopped, the classic tentpole series of having mystery ingredients, master chefs. And then now we've added two other wonderful things, marijuana and me. And I feel like that was what puts it over the top. Sorry, Ted Allen. Get out of here hell yeah that's amazing when can we when do those start coming out

on 420 five episodes i'll drop all at once please watch them up so i can do more because it is one of those i mean it's like you know people get excited when you get on stuff. But this was one of the ones where people and me where I was just like, yeah, this is right. This isn't. This is right. It is. Absolutely. It's a hand in velvet glove situation. Yeah.

And I mean, I just, you know, me, I could be very I know if I do a good or bad job and I fucking crushed it. Like I was just killing by like the second day I was prompter list. I was just like, we just I know if I do a good or bad job and I fucking crushed it. Like I was just killing by like the second day I was prompter list. I was just like, we just, I know the rules. I'll learn the chef's names and then we'll go. And I was just like, I'm home.

I felt good. I love that. I love you as a host. I love you hosting that show. I love the whole thing. Everybody make sure you watch it. We're going to watch it. Uh,

anything else you want to let people know about right now you have your podcast getting better of course my podcast getting better but uh just self-help fun podcast we just talk about getting better um i'm in a indie movie called dark web cicada 3301 which sounds it's much better than the title trust me it's a good action thriller that dads will enjoy if you are a dad or a dad at heart or a dad to be check out dark web cicada 3301 and then i'm also in this movie called golden arm with betsy sedaro mary holland and eugene cadero coming out on april 30th and that's about john smoltz the atlanta braves pitcher's about it, but it's all but all female. But basically, it's like over the top.

It's a female arm wrestling story. Oh, shit. That sounds amazing. Yeah, it is. It's really good. Check all that out. Support our friend Ron Funches, and then go back and listen to episode 10 of All Fantasy Everything from like four fucking years ago, something like that.

10 of all fantasy everything from like four fucking years ago. Something like that. Yeah. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter at Ian Carmel on Instagram at Ian Carmel on Jewish. Find my vaccination appointment in California app where we all got them in like December. Every member of the tribe. Every Jew. Yeah.

I'm putting that up. I got to convert. I can be one. They got they got him in Ethiopia,opia right we'd love to have you absolutely yeah you don't even have to you can just be it's like a just a brooklyn jew you can you can come aboard that way too this is just you larry david rick ross and marie stoudemire that's right shine what does shine up to these days? Man, you wouldn't even believe me if I fucking told you. What is Shine doing?

He's in the Belizean government. Let me look up his official title. Shine is in the government of Belize? He's from Belize. He's Belizean. That makes sense. Yeah, he's from a very prominent Belizean family. While you look this up,

watch the Late Late Show with James Corden where I've become our Andy Richter. Listen to all Fantasy Everything. And that's it. That's all I have to promote. I haven't done any stand-up. Although, this summer, I'm going to be doing a bunch of it in Portland

as much as I can. And we're going to try to raise a bunch of money for venues up there. So I think I'm going to be right next to you. Yeah, Sean will be there. I think the Clinton Street Theater is going to be one of them. It looks like that's coming together

and we're going to try to do a few other venues, Mississippi Studios and a few other places. So look out for more details on that. Now, if you have me, I might show up for one or two of those. Absolutely. Yeah, that would be wonderful. We can have that nervous on it. We can get Bronger up there to be those absolutely yeah that would be wonderful we can have that nervous on it we can get bronger up there to be nervous uh backstage that'd be fantastic what are you guys

doing what i'm scared i don't know i don't know that's a pretty good my wife's never been to portland so i'd like she hasn't been to portland oh during the summer you got to bring her up yeah yeah absolutely tight i just got excited i'm in a better mood now and i was already in a goddamn pretty good one so uh once you uh why don't you crack another 100 off the roll you know what i'm talking about another one unbutton another one oh and oh word all right what if i start unbuttoning the bottom ones dude you're not even gonna know i don't know about that the The V is getting deep, dude. It's the capital.

First semester of freshman year, dude. I feel like a pervert. It's going back up. I got to look at myself, and I can't. The hair is already not doing me favors for not feeling like a pervert. Once that breeze hits your nipples, you got to get nervous. So Shine is the president of Belize. That's what we know for sure.

No, he's a member of the Belizean House of Representatives. I never would have seen that 10 years ago. Is that a different rap group? Could that possibly be a different rap group? It's him, JT Money, and JT from City Girls. Weed out. Man, shout out to JTT money I hope he's doing okay

JT money was that he could give it to you but what would you gonna do with it exactly I don't know if he is doing good though JT money yeah he might just assume he's the prime minister of Hondonduras uh now

we are gathered here today not only to speculate on uh jt money's 2021 outlook but also to fantasy draft vacation activities as suggested by ron ron was there any impetus behind the suggestion just that we love vacations pretty much exactly what you said just that i haven't been on vacation in so long and i just remember uh you know back in the day either working at a cannery or working grocery store or doing stand-up i was like i'll never get to go on a vacation and then getting to go overseas or even in you know in the states on vacations and then just seeing other people do wonderful vacation activities. It's just something I miss.

So I wanted to think about that. I love that. Let's recapture that feeling. I, I've planned a trip to Hawaii for the end of, for the, for early summer. So I'm going on vacation.

That's where I was when this all started. That's beginning the pandemic. Cause it started pretty much on my birthday, March 12th and i was doing the show in honolulu just uh eating some manapua sitting out there on the beach and then everybody started freaking out and then blair sake was with me and she sneezed and everybody turned on her and i was like this is going, something's happening. Were you in Hawaii when like the Tom Hanks, Rudy Gobert day happened? I think I had just gotten home right when the Tom Hanks stuff had happened.

Basically, I went out there like March 9th. I was supposed to stay till like the 13th and we like, or 14th. And we came back home on my birthday on the 12th. I was at a music festival like the weekend before everything went down and that is not the place you want to have been 7 to 14 days was the rudy gobert thing was that when they were like in the stadium and the announcer just got on and he's like everybody remained calm but was like real cryptic and didn't say what was going on that's where they canceled the game with everyone in the studio or in the stadium okay all right yeah i remember i haven't talked about this but we had a show vin diesel was on

the late late show and but like all this news was breaking it was the last show we did in the studio and he stood like during the interview stood up and like gave a sermon to the audience about how everything was going to be okay how this was going to be like a big test of everyone and was just up there just like we have to it's all about brotherhood now it's all about loving each other it's all about taking care of each other i was like getting emotional and gave this like huge emotional speech to the audience and then sat back down but kind of had that energy where like he wouldn't you he would only sit down for about 35 seconds and then would stand back up to answer any other question it was like i think supposed to be like something to calm us all down and it just made me much more scared well he turned out to be so right he's yeah yeah

living his action hero life he was yeah it was the last action hero situation with vin diesel i was gonna say if there was anybody i would want to be when it's about to go down, it's Vin Diesel. He could have gotten us out of there, but not all of us. In a Vin Diesel movie, a few people die, and I was afraid I was going to be one of those people. Well, he definitely knows it's all about family. It's all about family. And Corona.

Hard to rescue everybody with a bucket of Corona. That's what I was gonna say like you got a corona one hand and just i like that he pushes corona and driving yeah those two big temples now we are gathered today like i said not only to talk about uh corona and driving but also to draft vacation activities now the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper,

scissor, shoot. Oh, I can't see what they got. Oh, David wins. David threw a poop smasher. David is the winner of rock, paper, scissors and David as the winner is an incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft david's microphone is voice of

comedy central's uh microphone cables and what is that sean sean tell me what the fuck it is if you're on a mini ramp skateboarding david you drop in on one side you get to the other side you do like a 50 50 for like 10 feet and then you you drop back in and then you go back to the other side you do like a 5-0 you know from like 5-10 feet drop back in you do like a backside tail slide for a few feet then you kind of drop back in go to the other side you do like a pivot fakie for about 10 feet and then you're back. And then you just do a tail stall because you need to get your speed right. And then you drop back in.

You do like a front side disaster for about 10 feet and just kind of go back and forth. It's like going back and forth on a mini ramp and grinding side to side each time. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round. You pick first in the second round. David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I'm going to go David, Sean, Ron, Ian. All right, hot corner. David, Sean, Ron.

David, Sean, Ron, Ian. David, Sean, Ron, Ian. David, Sean, Ron, dude. Back before I lost all the weight, that was the only brand of vacation clothing I could wear. It was like... It was at Ross, like, back by the plate. They're like, we can't stop.

You can't just stop at Sean John. You need a couple extra names. Sean John, Stills, and Nash. Clown Posse. It didn't come in anything less than 5X. It takes a team. It takes a team to get a shirt for you. It was the David Sean run.

Everything was terrycloth, and they had a licensing to go to WNBA. Dude, I had a terrycloth polo down to my shins when I was a kid. I was so stoked on how big it looked. It was at least 4 used to i was so stoked on how big it looked it was at least 4x it was gigantic i would not know what to make of you as a child like you would have really bothered me i was it was wild i think back and i'm like dude you were so terry cloth terry cloth yeah and cross colors with it that gum you like is coming back in style dude all that 90s stuff is like what the kids are

wearing again i saw a dude dude there's fully cross colors back now it's too sorry i cut you off go ahead no please i saw a guy dressed like you know like when tupac would wear like a baseball jersey and a bandana like in the front i used to do that because tupac did it i used i used to do exactly what he did i bought a mariner's jersey and a turquoise bandana because i saw him wearing it and i wore it i just looked my hair was about like this too it was long and i had that fucking bandana with the knot in the front in middle school i used to anyway go ahead like i'm the I'm here to do young Jesus taxes. Oh, man. He requires me to wear this.

I don't even want to dress like this. I have to do it. This is a cheesy thing. I'd love to just have a t-shirt on and a khaki baseball hat to the front. Because if the sun gets in my eyes and I'm fair-skinned. when you work for yg you gotta wear the bandanas and the dress shoes are both deductible so can't complain too much no it's weird now see because like those were the cool clothes that when we were like younger much younger but like now seeing kids wear them i feel intimidated by those kids even though i should be like oh no this is what we

wore but i see them wearing that and i've never felt older it's like some weird thing where you still don't feel old enough yeah right like when you were when you were a kid they look cool because they were on grown-ups and now you're a grown-up and they're on kids and you still don't feel like it's for you for some reason it's hyper accelerated yeah i couldn't wear that i could not wear like clothes from the 90s i couldn't wear that either because i didn't fit into it you know what i mean but like i couldn't wear that now it was not this i just saw don cheadle on an episode of hanging with mr cooper and he looked so, so cool. Yeah. On track for now.

I love Don Cheadle, man. Yeah, who doesn't? Don Cheadle. Mr. Denver, right? Yeah, 303, mile high till he dies. Oh, that's right. Well, we have the order of the draft, for God's sake. You know, we have this order.

We should get around to drafting vacation stuff. The sun is setting. We got a cool drink in our hands. Let's get to it. And David, you have the first pick, which we'll get to right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your

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two podcasts that's it too man if you got a long drive to work you got us you got getting better and then maybe you could bootleg some audio of chop 420 and outside of that i don't know what to tell you i don't know what to tell you maybe listen to some of those troll songs on spotify let's get those royalties up let's get those royalties up david justin timberlake ron Funches. Dream team. There it is. I knew that. I didn't know how it would happen,

but when we were doing like open mics at the Brody and stuff like that, I did know eventually I'd see you up on stage. I'm like, that JT thing is coming. I don't know if it's going to be. He's just got that vibe. We'd be in the back of the Brody being like, you know, Justin Tim timberlake's gonna know ron one of these days it's gonna be tight you used to smash disco balls at the end of every

set so we should have seen it coming it couldn't have been a clear path david you have the first pick and the vacation activities all fantasy everything draft what will that pick be i want you to know that I don't want to do this, but I had to do this because it's the first pick. Somebody was going to take it. I'm not even that guy, but you got to like, you understand what I'm saying? What are you at?

Oh, I know what you're going to pick. I don't know. You dirtbag. You do know what? I'm not a dirtbag because I like to have sex on vacation. Don't fucking do that to me. Throwing your dirty pickle all over the country. You like to have sex on vacation. Don't fucking do that to me. Throwing your dirty pickle all over the country. You like to have sex on vacation too.

I'm not going to feel bad about it. I have a daughter on the way. Knock it off. How'd you get her? I had sex. Exactly. Exactly. Sex on vacation.

Sex on vacation is the first pick. Everybody likes banging in hotels. Don't make me feel bad. That's a great pick. No, you're good, man. I was just kidding bad that's a great pick no you're good man i was just kidding that's a great pick it's yeah i had to pick it i nothing like it yeah place you don't care about it you you it seems more usually more aggressive for some reason yep it was balconies yeah yeah then you take a shower and use five towels walk naked to the bathroom don't even wrap anything around yourself just walk

full naked and do like put your hands on your hips and bend backwards kind of thing yeah and it's a crazy shower it's always a crazier shower than you have yeah you know what i mean with like glass you can yeah i mean yeah come know what i mean with like glass you can yeah i mean yeah come on man those showers with like the that they're doing now in the nicer hotels where it's like a glass shower in the room where there's not really a wall in between the bed oh yeah it's just like this glass that isn't see-through but it's like silhouette through oh you know that kind of thing where you're like i wonder what happens with like the kids who are driving to college with their like dads to check it out for the first time

like how are they taking showers in there so what did they just have to be like why don't you go find a video game for about an hour while dad takes a shower because you can't see it in the grab a go grab a copy of usa today and a and a cold orange for me from from the continental breakfast downstairs steven steven go down to the business lounge for about an hour dad's got to shower up son why don't you go down and check out that rack of brochures for camel rides and giant paper mache palm onions that they have downstairs son go ask if there's an easy way to find sushi in this town to uh whoever whoever's working at the front desk that'll take about an hour i suppose and then i'll be out son go grab

an orange juice that it's impossible to get the straw into and spend about 45 minutes doing that downstairs and then come back up here dude that's always a come up when you find the uh like the breakfast stuff it's still out for some reason like way later in the day and there's like they keep the yogurt in the fridge or the orange juice or whatever and i'd be like well yeah i guess i'll just take four or five of these and bring them back to the room sounds fine yeah you just have six bananas in your room all weekend and then you just throw them away i knew i was gonna throw them away the second i picked them up why did i do it i knew i was never gonna make banana bread with you like i'm just going to bed looking at him like yeah you're worth six bananas and then i just

drift off to sleep i'll let him brown here and then by the time i get home i'll push banana bread for my first day back yeah that is always so buck when you see someone's freezer and there's like just like jet black rotted bananas and you're like you're never gonna make banana bread and then you ask if you throw them away and they're like, no, no, you know, no, a bunch of bananas that look like they saw the arc of the covenant. Just like, they look like lots wife in the Bible. Yeah.

I have, my girlfriend makes that banana bread. She's really about it. I, we had to let some bananas rot. Yeah, she does. She put Nutella.

I mean, we made, we, we made challah bread together. Me and Dana's good, warm banana bread. Ooh, nothing wrong with that man that was that you really said that nice yeah it was very sexy i believe it it's the truth it's the truth that warms the banana bread.

No, sex on vacation. You're not wrong. You're absolutely correct on that. That's, yeah. Sex on vacation. Yeah, absolutely. You ever throw the sheets off and then make them come put some new sheets on too so you can ruin those? I mean, I don't make them.

It's just involved. It's included in the service. Yeah, well, I have to think. I have to Fuck these sheets. Somebody want to clean this nut up? I'm going to go get some bananas. You know, time to the balcony to let time to the balcony and go out there and just bring a cowbell you brought with you for that very reason. You don't even lay in, but you just get up right away and you just open the door like, sheets are filthy, bro.

They're filthy. Get in here. I'm on vacation, so I'm using words i don't usually use hey pop hey now when you have sex on vacation is diners drive-ins and dives just still playing on mute on the tv or is that the one second you turn it off but i have the sound on i have the sound on you're just listening to guy fieri and california tacos in omaha nebraska shout out to that place shout out oh sex on vacation all right uh so david it goes david i'm trying to remember this brand of clothing sean donron sean's next sean jordan time for your first pick. I'm going linear, and I'm just going to say going to the airport bar.

I love airports. I love them. I do not like flying. I love everything about the airport, and I love, I absolutely, and I'm not lying, I absolutely love going to the airport bar before a vacation. You do. It's one of my favorite things. I get started.

The small talk is phenomenal. I, I just, I really, really have come to enjoy that in the last, like, I guess before this, the last like three years probably. And it is easily my favorite part about going on vacation. Just starting immediately and not like getting blasted or anything at the bar but just like realizing that i'm about to go on vacation and i'm gonna have so much fun and just hang out and like let the good vibes immediately trickle over me and like if you want to an airport can be so romantic like you there's a huge windows so like the sunset always always hit you know stuff that, where it's just like,

man, this is. And then I reflect on how lucky I am to even get to do it because, you know, couldn't always do it. So I just love it. And that sets the tone for like a for adult vacation. So it's real simple. What a beautiful spin on a generally unpleasant experience. I mean, that's really nice.

You really romanticize playing double for alcohol and hanging out with people who drink in the morning it was code flatbread that was made 36 000 miles away four weeks earlier i did have to show one time i went in mad early at pdx like five in the morning and somebody had a joke about it where they're like airports are like just no holds barred for anything but i got like a jameson at like six in the morning and they had to see my id and i was like well now why is that and they go we need to or no they had to see my boarding pass they're like we need to know that you're traveling out of state otherwise we can't serve you and i was like oh well now i don't feel that great about myself, do I? We got to make sure you're getting out of here.

We don't want this trash here. Vacation started off on a crack in the sidewalk. There's no federal laws against this, but locally it's frowned upon. If you're flying to Amsterdam, sure. But I imagine you're right. I imagine there is a lot of bonding at that bar with the people who have all left there you know they're generally more common sense significant others who are all mad at them handling the luggage and the other thing to go be at the bar together i imagine

just strong bonding that's a part of it too i'm always solo i haven't like I haven't gone anywhere with someone in forever. I went to an airport bar with you like a year and a half ago. I did too. You're right. You're both right. This isn't even the same thing. I went to a bar before we went to the airport bar with you.

And wasn't that fun? Didn't we have a good time? I think you had a Jameson and eggs. I had a headache on the plane for sure. Before we went to the airport bar with you. And wasn't that fun? Didn't we have a good time? I think you had a Jameson and eggs. I had a headache on the plane for sure. Didn't we have a fun time on our vacation? No, it's just fun. It's like, it's just setting the tone for the whole thing. And I get it.

It harkens back to a long ago, if it ever existed, era of travel where you show up, you get a little slosh before the flight then you get on there you should start dressing like a businessman on flights from the 50s yeah you should dress my buddies rat and joe they got uh suits just to go to vegas one time where did these suits where did where did rat get a suit off a corpse mr formal but the point is like they did that they put on suits they went to the soup balls airport in dumb and dumber suits would be so dang dude i was i was finna buy a suit and then the you know everything shut down i'm i was so excited to get one for a wedding but i still we'll go get you i know i just i want to do it yeah Yeah. But yeah, just starting off, just doing that, appreciating.

It's more of an appreciation thing than anything else. And also having a couple bucks to do that. I couldn't always do that. I mean, it used to be like, couldn't eat at the airport. So now, you know, it's nice to just sit down and be like, I can do this. It's tight. I remember buying a water at the airport one time and being like, David, you're on. Yeah, dude.

Can't cool off a hot boy. This bank stays open on Sundays. I bought a smart water? Come on. You just set it on the counter and you're like, you know, I came on the sheets at the hotel before I came here. There's a guy cleaning it up right now.

I called him pop. I didn't even clean it up myself yeah yeah five towels afterward too five towels yeah airport bar all right sean ron time for your first pick oh i'm so excited to get to my first pick let me look at my big board i'm i was really worried that david would take this with his first pick because i imagine that he is on his big board uh but my with my first pick i am going to take jet skiing off of a yacht what that you're on in the your bathrobe that I've seen in pictures of P. Diddy and such where he is jet skiing in a bathrobe

off of the yacht that he is staying on and I imagine that is the best feeling in the world. Yeah, you're right. Have you done it? I've never done it, but I really want to. God, I'm just thinking about it right now, like with some kind of crazy sunglasses nobody has.

Yeah. That's the thing that you're like, and you lose them and they're like, what happened? You're like, I don't even know. I don't care. I gave it to the ocean. Davy Jones got new shades. Something that like Coco Chanel made

with like some other weird company that if I could have thought of it, it might have been a funny joke, you know? Coco Chanel and Geico had like a crossover. You got the only pair. I want like Savage Fenty like ones people didn't even know I could have yeah

Northrop Grumman and fuck Armani there we go I don't know I've been out of it today my girlfriend got her second shot and is having really severe side effects and I'm having sympathy severe side effects is what I think is what i think get rid of sympathy man it's a sign of weakness that's true yeah it's a picture of that you could

probably look it up at any point but there's if you look up diddy jet skiing in a bathrobe you'll see exactly when he's standing up yeah yeah that's a great man you're right that would that's like it's got to be the mediterranean right i think it could be the sea of cortez i think it could be it could be international waters man nike cortez i think it could be off the south of france yeah okay okay it could be wall lake just outside of sioux falls south it couldn't that's the one place it couldn't be there's already too many yachts there they don't have room for pd's you're right how close do you think we could get to this experience right now what's like the closest we could approximate the yacht oh just bringing up yeah but bringing a bathrobe to like the beach then his beach and

borrowing someone's jet ski yeah that that could happen that could happen that has a different that takes a different patina the waking up on a boat to get on a smaller aquatic vehicle for fun. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We all get it. We all get it. That is your right.

That's crazy. He's just getting on another boat. Yes. I don't like this big boat anymore. Give me this tiny boat. I want to go back to where we were also waking up on a boat is very luxurious oh yeah yeah you know i don't know that i've ever done that i mean you had a waterbed for years yeah i sure did

i sure did if you want to call that waking up on a boat that you fit into the apartment that you live in that's yeah waking up on a boat is an it's an experience of extremes either things are going really well or things have taken a turn for the worst yeah or you're like you're kidnapped or something yeah no one specified it's not a cruise with like general people this is no no france yeah yeah yeah yeah like uh below deck you guys ever seen that show i've heard of it no oh well no fuck me then all right no because we don't know it doesn't mean we're not interested it's the show you don't know rat and i talked about rat that's true it's a reality tv show about these crews that uh they crew like yachts in the mediterranean oh that does see that sounds interesting to me it's sexy it's rich people being great and rich people being terrible it's a lot of

fun it might be available on discovery plus sounds like it will be i think it might be it's on sling for sure i'd like to see puff daddy on a third smaller boat that comes out of the jet ski oh god like little like little boat rollerblades or something it comes off yeah exactly we're like he gets off the yacht it's him and a model on a jet ski and then he decides he's tired of even that and then the front of the jet ski just and then she's just stuck there floating wondering what happened in her life he's just pat push pedaling a little aquatic bike i have a serious question do you guys think puff daddy could ride a bike yeah he ran the new york marathon yeah you gotta be able to ride a bike you could ride a bike yeah i can't call yeah he's a hustler hustlers could ride bikes that's true and he's from mount

vernon i wish i was like a big tattoo guy because that would be a fun tattoo to get hustlers can ride bikes but you'd have to be like a big tattoo person only tattoo for you to have yeah or the only one it's either the only one or like the only space left was like your eyebrow and you're like well i might as well hustlers can ride bikes right there that's the first message you want to greet people with if i'm well if i'm already covered that's what i'm saying that that kind of tattoo you can't get unless you've already like done like you know your whole body just because people i find start getting like joke tattoos after a while you don't want yeah because

right here's an american flag uh the eagle sort of tearing up my skin. You can see an American flag. And then right over here, it's Hustlers Ride Bikes. 9-11, Tasmanian Devil, slam dunk in the back. Richard Bane. Who was that? Richard Bane. Oh, shit, that's right.

I was just thinking, I drove by Suki's today, and I was not to bum it out. I was just thinking about him. It's probably coming up on a year Richard was fantastic anyway oh man yeah dude the airport bar and then two different

styles the levels that we're at I think if anything it levels that we're at. I think if anything, it shows that we all haven't changed at all. We're exactly who we always were. Very much the same, gentlemen.

Time for my first and second picks as it is a serpentine draft. With my first pick, I'm going to take vacation clothes. picks as it is a serpentine draft and with my first pick i'm gonna take uh i'm gonna take vacation clothes damn yeah yeah yeah grand sweeping thing of like the different kind of clothes you wear on vacation now i as i am going to hawaii in like about two months and i'm now of a different body type than the last time i vacation i have been buying all sorts of linen just yeah linen shirts i got some linen pants on the way colored like white i got a white linen shirt and pants

and then a colored linen shirt it'll look like fucking diane keaton the whole time on my vacation i want your linens i want your linen shirt to to cover all but about that much of your shorts yeah like i want i want about a mil i want to be able to see that you're wearing bright pink shorts but i just barely oh yeah like short shorts long linen yes yeah i know exactly i'm gonna look like like uh antonio bonderas in the movie he did just because it was shooting in the seychelles. That's going to be my overall vibe on vacation. Is that how you say that? Yeah. With Antonio Banderas?

No, Seychelles. Seychelles. By the Seychelles. Sally sold them, man. Say my name, say my name. I love wearing a short that's maybe higher than you would wear back on the mainland. I love just like brightly colored shirts.

I love vacation clothes i love going out in clothes that you know might end up in the ocean at any point when i when i think of vacation activity i'm mostly thinking tropical too although i might have a couple pics that aren't tropical but i just love wearing vacation clothes i love getting back from a day at the beach taking a shower and then putting on a fresh outfit, and then going out for that. For nighttime. Yeah. For that nighttime feeling, you know, with that sun-kissed skin.

You kind of glowing. I love that beach bum daytime into like, oh, now I'm wearing a blazer, and I've got my shirt on, and I'm going out to eat at a restaurant. But at the beginning, you thought you might kick me out of this establishment this morning. But now in the evening, James Bond's come through. Exactly right. Exactly right. I will pay $64 for coconut shrimp. I think you never smell as good as you do at nighttime on vacation. No.

Yeah. That's 100% right. From the beach and the stacks yeah yeah usually usually too like if you put those scents in a candle i'm not buying it you know what i mean but you take me to hawaii and it mixes it's a better marinade than it's sauce you know what i mean it's a better marinade than sauce exactly you want it soaked in i that you smell like my salmon in it you know no no no god god no what are you a heathen on nights on vacation you smell like hibiscus even though you have nothing on you that contains any hibiscus it just happens

it just comes out of nowhere i just love it i just love dressing for vacation i love that fucking going full full bore into it that's i don't know if that's like a washed up thing but if it is it makes it more of a vacation it's like it's when you finally start to embrace vacations where you're like i'm going to dress like i'm on vacation and i guess i don't because there's that part i guess there was a part of me where i was like i don't want people to know i'm on vacation when I'm somewhere else. I wanted to feel like I didn't want to feel like a tourist. Oh man, that vacation feeling

where you're like, they might think I'm a local. One more button, they might think yo soy dominicano. Adios, años. Adios, años, for sure. So vacation clothes clothes which kind of goes hand in hand with my second pick which is going to be uh which is going to be all day at the beach all day yeah all day at the beach because i love pairing that with the vacation clothes in the nighttime that we kind of talked about. I love that, like, spending all day like a beach bum and then washing off and then putting on, like,

some nice crisp vacation clothes. But I just love all day at the beach. I love getting there kind of early, getting down there with, like, you know, one or two bad books, you know, and just, like, getting in the ocean, getting out of the ocean, getting in the ocean ocean getting out of the ocean getting in the ocean getting out of the ocean your hair getting all salty getting a nice burn just like a nice you

know not nothing too bad nothing where you're gonna like feel terrible about yourself but you're like did you bring a cooler or can you order drinks you can order drinks in this in this scenario okay good i don't want to step on any other picks i don't want to step on any other pics. I don't want to step on any other pics. I like the day where you can do it so early that you end up taking a nap at the hotel and then going back to go lay at the beach. I love that, where you're like, ooh, am I going down to the beach at eight? I think so.

You tell the person you're with, they're still in bed, and you're like, go back to bed, go back to bed, and you got the towel. Oh, that's like, it feels so cool, too, where you're like, I'm the lone back to bed and you got the towel oh that's like you feel so cool too where you're like i'm the lone wolf on the beach 8 p.m gonna start on the day it's just me and that it's just me and that 78 year old super tan guy who jogs every morning he's nothing but cheeseburgers he'll tell you about it too he'll stop and be like only cheeseburgers my whole life hit me

punch me in the stomach do it hard as a rock went out on this beach every day 45 minutes that's it i look like a wallet i remember total side note i pulled out my wallet one time years ago funch and it was like basically duct tape and ron was like he's like get a new wallet and i was like yeah i go yeah and he goes yeah and then i got a new wallet because you're right i looked at it i was like this i look like a fucking lunatic it was just all duct tape clearly duct tape it was more duct tape than wallet for sure and just the way that you were like you were so nice about it be like hey man get a new wallet and you go and you're like yeah

i know who you are but if someone doesn't know you you pull it that was the point where you're like you don't it was there was a longer conversation but to I know who you are, but if someone doesn't know you, you pull it. That was the point where you're like, you know, it was there was a longer conversation. But to the effect of like, you don't want people to think you're an electrical tape wallet guy. You know, if you're like if you're trying to give out a business card or whatever, you don't want it to come out of a wallet with electrical tape. You need people in your life to gently cradle you and say, you don't need to live like this anymore. you need people in your life to gently cradle you and say you don't need to live like this anymore absolutely and then i went the next day and i it was like i got like a 15 wallet from pennies or something changed my whole perspective on how i operated where i was like i feel better when i pull this wallet out i feel like here's some money for the drink you know i'll put it back

in my wallet yeah it's funny look at me i'm out taking you on this date you know i'm not a lady see you push you like look i know don't even try to act like there's money in there she pretends to use the bathroom but pays the check while she's there uh-huh she just she just barfs everywhere he's like oh i got I think I have pneumonia I gotta get out of here Now it doesn't seem as cute that we're seeing a movie during the day Absolutely And then I just whisper

I'm like you know what that other $8 is going to do is going to get us dinner. Doesn't that feel nice? If you pick right, if you pick right. And we're going to Arby's and I'm letting you pick the three out of the five. And I'll pick up the other two. This whole date is going to cost less than my new $15 wallet. Hey, get a new wallet. But I'm taking all day at the beach,

watching different groups show up and leave, and you're just like, this is the day I'm posting up. I'm just getting a nice burn on. I'm going to swim a bunch. I'm here for the long haul. No other activities. I like that day the day before or the day I get there you know and then the day before I leave

I like to have like a day like that where it's just I don't have to go anywhere this is all happening right here Ron time for your second pick I'm ready my second pick is traveling and landing safely with

drugs oh yeah that is one of the best experiences because when you when you don't get pulled in that little side room when when you see a dog or and it goes by you to another area and then you land and wherever you are wherever it's a if it's a different country which is even more impressive and makes you feel like a big old badass or if it's somewhere in the states even still you because you land and you go i don't have to worry about it i don't have to find some skeezy person i don't have to do anything when i have landed i went to tokyo and i was just like there's no drugs there there's gonna be no smoking pot and i've got a giant jar of edibles through and i was like this

is gonna be the best trip of my life and it was i love that were you nervous going through yes but that's part of the thrill of it is the nervousness is the talking to my wife telling her it's no big deal while i'm being like i don't know what might happen. You're just telling me, you're like, don't watch Midnight Express the night before we go. We'll be all right. Nothing's going to happen. People get addicted to gambling

because they lose, not because they win. You know? Yeah, I was going to say, you got to Tokyo and dumped all the drugs out. Let's go back. I love the way that you said it you're like traveling i for a part of me thought you were going to just stop at traveling and i'm like yeah dope i'm in and

then you said and landing safely and i was like tight i also like to land safely and then you said with drugs i was like yeah dope it got just kept getting better you ever get to the airport and they have one of those dogs in the in dogs in the line to get into like before they x-ray everything? And like if there's a dog, you don't have to take your shoes off. It's wonderful. But then if you have any drugs on you at all, those dogs are there to smell bombs. But in your head, you're like, but. You don't know that.

I didn't know that until you just said that now. Those are bomb sniffing dogs. But what if they left another life behind? Yeah, yeah. They're bomb sniffing dogs. But what if they left another life behind? Are you serious? Yeah, they're bomb sniffing dogs. That's the same kind of wisdom as Henleys are named after Don Henley.

I mean, somebody told me and I just took it as facts. I love a good I didn't fact check it fact. That's one of those. I think they're fun. Those are conversations. That's what I heard too. I mean, it's never... I've been in line i've been in that situation and they haven't smelled the drugs so i'm gonna assume yeah i know i've

i'm sure we both know tons of people all of us know tons of people that go through with weed all the time and those dogs have never ever caught anyone also one time i came back from australia i brought my vape and i went to australia no problem i came back from Australia. I brought my vape and I went to Australia. No problem. I came back from Australia and I had it in my back pocket and a dog started pawing my back pocket. And then the guy came by and he just was like, eh. And I was like, what? Yeah. Nah. I don't want to deal with it.

The Quiznos opens in like three minutes. He's like, if it fits into the back pocket, we're looking for duffel bag weed, not pocket weed. The evolution of flying is like the older I get, the better I get at traveling with weed. Because like eight years ago, I just had like, my carry-on was a Safeway bag. And I had just like a half of three blunts in there.

So it just stayed. You know what I'm saying? And then it's like, then you get a backpack, and then you get luggage, and then you start checking shit, and you're far less worried about it than it was when you just had, like, roaches in your pocket or whatever. Man. Yeah. I flew Molly into England once. No, I didn't. I'm just joking.

But let's say I did. And that's a high stakes game where it's like either I put it in my carry-on and I know I'm good right away or I put it into my check bag and then I'm playing a 16-hour game of chess here. I'm a carry-on guy. You're a carry-on? Yeah. Yeah. I'd rather know and have it i'd rather go down with it then then like because i feel like even if it was just like oh they went through your

bag and took yourself out then you're like oh now my bag's missing now i'm landing and someone's grabbing me like i feel like when it's your check luggage i also just feel like they're more likely to be like just dump it that's what i i was gonna say it's like a short it's more of a short game and like the respect of being like all right we caught you get rid of it instead of like putting in your check bag seems like you're smuggling or something yeah it does feel like that that's what that's what you're doing i mean you are drugs yeah you're putting it under the insole in those Nikes or wherever. When I fly with illegal meat, now that's all. That's a check my bags. That's all what I'm flying with.

Business decision. You got kangaroo under there? Pangolin, kangaroo, anything. You know what I mean? Emu. Yeah. You know, black market emu. It's another rap group.

We can get it without the black market emu. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. It was good. They were. Yeah. it's another rap group yeah get it with without the fucking email yeah yeah yeah oh all the doctors dr octagon apple to apple for black eyed peasants if all the doctors got together and just put like one rap song out like all the all the mercy general hospital no mercy general land with drugs dude sean speaking of no mercy sean gonna drop a rap song. Jordan, time for your second pick. God, I'm nervous. I like to go get lost in the downtown for a day. Just no plans.

Just that's one of the best things about a vacation. No strings, like no commitments really. So you can cheat on anyone. No, like just going downtown and getting lost. No real agenda. And just, I don't know, just hanging out, seeing a new downtown. It's always my favorite part of a city. And I feel like you get a good vibe of what the city is about when you get to go downtown. And in this scenario, obviously, there's a downtown.

So it's not like I'm in Costa Rica or something like this. I think they have downtowns in other countries. They do. I'm talking like down Chicago or something like that. This is not where you're at. Oh, God. Grand Rapids? Dr. Grins?

I'm talking, what's that? Dr. Grins, dude. What's the resort for fucking called? Oh, Hedonism. Hedonism. This is not where you're at Hedonism, too. This is where you're at. What are you talking about?

Freaknik. No! i know about i know about freak nick i don't know what he do you because i'm listening to a podcast about the history of it and it's very complicated what is freak well freak nick freak nick was a big festival that got canceled like spring break is basically yeah it was in atlanta and uh but it got canceled because of uh what like it i feel bad it was like a no yeah i took women were assaulted i don't you take the reins on it sean you tell them about it am i wrong several women were assaulted and there was one big violent one that blew up in the news and that's why it got canceled no it was the girls of crowd surfing and like got her clothes ripped off essentially and then that's why they they canceled freak

nick for good this has been your freak nick man with sean jordan who doesn't listen to the podcast who just knows that if i'm i dare you if i'm wrong anyone out there let me know but i'm i'm not wrong that's why i got canceled anyway i like to go get lost downtown in whatever city and just be alone too it's fun just like chilling like when i was in new york downtown in whatever city and just be alone too it's fun just like chilling like when i was in new york for the first time i just took a whole day and walked around manhattan and just got hot dogs and like dipped into little restaurants here and there and just like sat and chilled how many hot dogs did you get four four different hot dogs from because every time city every time i saw a hot dog vendor i was like i gotta do it and then by the fourth one i was like

you did it already this is your fourth time having to do it you didn't mix a condition there uh no got a hot dog again four times i feel like they would have checked me for a wire if i'd have been like and one knish please they'd be like what are you doing you on you know we we'd sell you a kinesh i appreciate it yeah oh yeah just getting lost downtown nothing to do figuring it out i like a good walk if i'm if it's a vacation in another american city usually this coincides with like a comedy festival i really enjoy like going on a walk alone like in denver like the second day of high plains or something like that or you know if like drive to a part of atlanta where you can walk around you know one of those is always like really fun i don't it's

contingent though i don't want anything to do later that night like i don't want to have any responsibilities because i don't want a timeline like i whenever there's a show or something it's always in the back of your head and you're thinking about how you have to perform and it's thankfully now it's less nerve-wracking because uh fortunately people will we know some people will show up at least remember when it used to be like i don't know maybe no one will be there and that was even a worse feeling so i like uh nothing to do that night and just having no timeline during the day and just like wandering and then you know doing whatever doing whatever i feel like downtown getting a feel for the city what else do you do

downtown you pop into some stores you go like they're like downtown, getting a feel for the city. What else do you do downtown? Do you pop into some stores? You go like, what's their Lens? What's the Lens Crafters like in Cleveland? Yeah, dude, like anything. I'll go to stores if they got one. Whatever, it's fun. And now I get bummed when you can't,

like I'll walk around in Portland. I'm like, I can't just pop into places and it sucks. You can pop into places. You just wear a mask. Well, it's getting easier now, but like, you know what I mean? For the last year, year it's been tough you can't just pop in for no reason me like mentally i need a reason to go somewhere now i don't just want to pop in and be like i rolled the dice just to look at some socks you know sure sure david boy time for your second

and third picks i love the guided tour hey that was on my big board it's on my big board i fucking whether it's on a bus or one of those weird bus boat hybrids or you're walking through the alamo or whatever get me in the breakup you think i don't want to go on vince vaughn's boat tour i fucking i love it i love it's like it's like i found it out i was like i think i was headlining in dc like four or five years ago and i was by myself and i did the bus tour and i was like, I think I was headlining in D.C. like four or five years ago. And I was by myself and I did the bus tour. And I was like, this is great. And then from then on, I try to always get one in. It's so much fun.

Asheville has a good one. It's just like, yeah, it's a good way to see everything around where you're at. And it's just, yeah, it's like a very fun thing I'd only do on vacation. I've been promised an aquatic architecture tour the next time I go to Chicagoago i'm very excited yeah that'd be awesome you go down the road and they just talk about all the buildings i can't wait somebody's gonna pee on you no i like a good walking food tour one of my favorite thing what was on my billboard big board was going on one of these walking food tours that are supposed to have groups with you and then nobody else shows up so then it's just you and your person with you and that the person the host and they kind of let their guard down a little bit and they drink a little more and they're hanging out and they're

too and we i mean we that's one of the things that we also did in tokyo we walked around and a guy just talked about how time he spent in america and that his favorite american restaurant was hooters and i was like this is a good tour i'm not just learning things about tokyo i'm learning things about about jeff i don't know we're uh we're up north laura and i were at the the rainforest in washington and it was one of those van tours where it was supposed to be like 20 people it was just us and the dude got so loose that he's like he's like yeah we're probably if it's cool you guys just stop at the crib real quick and he had to get a phone charger so we like went to his house he was showing us as he's like there's there's like clint and jesse they've lived here for like 40 years and i was like this can't be on the regular tour but it was tight it was just a boy

that actually reminds me of one of the opposite with one of the worst things that we did in Hawaii. Have you ever accidentally gotten into an unlicensed cab? No! That was so scary. Really? Was it just like some guy? Just like some guy, really. And he kept pushing this tour

that he wanted to go on and around. And he was just very... You know, we all from been in the northwest he had that meth energy yeah it was just like i was like oh i could see why everybody else who was on the the hike that we went on was all shunning you and we were like we'll take it because we're idiots and then i was like you know we should ditch this guy and the rest of my crew didn't listen but but so it was terrifying oh yeah no thanks that you hear crazy shit about that at the airport too who are always like trying to pull you out of

the cab line and everything don't go with those people yeah yeah it's worth the extra 20 you know to be like i need to i want that card i want to see that card on the dash or or you don't pay 20 dollars you know it's not 20 cheaper it. It's like $30 a year or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And your trip to Manhattan goes through the Bronx for some reason. Like anything, anything can happen on one of those. I got, there was a few of those in LA where I'd,

I'd be going to the airport and I'm like, you just, you get to know the way to the airport after a while. And I'm like, I, we're like far off the path of where we should be going to the airport. A couple where I'd like just kind of look around, kind path of where we should be going to the airport a couple where i'd like just kind of look around kind of be on point a little sketched out a couple times because i'm like we're miles south of where we need to be head on a swivel yeah you know one time it was right when i moved there it was when i learned this lesson where it's like keep your

head up when you're taking a ride home you don't know where you're at because like i was just staring at my phone after we'd been at the virgil all night or something. And some dude went on a block and pulled in a driveway. And there were five guys in the yard. And one of them got in the car. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And he just picked up one of his friends real quick and then drove me home back to the house in Glendale. But I was terrified. I thought I was just going to get robbed in this dude's yard. Anyway, that was the one where I'm like, all right, keep an eye on the line that Lyft tells me i'm supposed to be on and if we get too far off it mention it that kind of turns out he just want to go to the zankow chicken near the

crib yeah man who didn't got that house that place uh it's fun to think about david guided tour is the first pick i can't wait for another guided tour and your third pick uh my third pick i like to do this one usually when it's like if i'm in like a florida or like in mexico or someplace beach side i like to go to like the local market and get like whatever a cool local food is like when we when we when we were in pensacola we got me and sam t we got like a bunch of uh grouper cheeks like shit like that you know what i mean and then make like a meal with like the local whatever that like cooking cooking with like the local yeah i like no you lost me at the

cooking because you're like i want to go into their area with my lack of expertise and what they make and you can just ask them how to do it. It's like, it's so much fun. I want to poison myself with blowfish meat, essentially. I hate blowfish meat, too. You got your little headband on. Some blood on your face. I mean, I would eat blowfish too, but I'm talking more like whatever their local shit is.

I got you. That's definitely me. Whatever you can get super fresh there that's like you can't get other places. My dad's on that same vibe. I'm not, but like I do appreciate it. I see it and I appreciate it. Where it's like we would be in Mexico

and we would go to like the local market and he would buy like a bunch of shrimp and like local produce and come back and like yeah cook a delicious meal and everything but i'm just like i will go to that area and if they're selling food out of a cart that i can eat right there i'll eat it you know i'm gonna make if i'm taking my smoker my next trip you can check a smoker yeah yeah you fill it up with weed too i'm putting drugs in the smokestack that sounds wild i'm just thinking about like going and cooking somewhere yeah it's to me fucking awesome i've done it like probably four or five different places now

clapping grouper cheeks yeah fun to clap in florida yeah for sure in florida yeah i've done it twice in florida grouper cheeks are amazing too if you guys ever get the chance i'm getting married soon so you couldn't you couldn't handle them if you weren't i know i couldn't i know i couldn't i thought i think one of my buttons just buttoned up automatically when i said that where else have you cooked we cooked down in mexico we went to cancun for a wedding, and then we went to this market, like, right outside. And we just got, like, a bunch of asada and shit like that. And then where else? Did you ever cook back in Africa? In Sierra Leone?

Yeah. I mean, a bunch of times we went to King Jimmy Market in Sierra Leone. Also in Norway, we got a bunch of fresh, like, crab legs and shit like that. Whoa. Yeah. It's just my family does it too my mom will do it it's just like a yeah just different places have different fresh foods that you can't get you know beautiful local fresh foods weird fruit sometimes get a durian

i don't even know what that is but i want to you got basie on that durian are those like where they won't let them on buses because they stink too bad but they is this a people no fruit i believe oh okay it's a fruit that like like they won't let them marry their daughters don't bring one home i'm listening i like them in politics but you bring one home apparently they taste good but they just stink to high heaven and then once you cook them down that goes away or no the stink never goes away it's just the flavor is good tough to eat they're so closely related it seems like be tough for you yes i have to tell you man sean jordan time for third pick. I like to find an amusement park and then go.

Really? Yeah. It hasn't happened a ton, but I like to do it a lot. Like a Six Flags? Yeah, like Kansas City has worlds of fun, oceans of fun. The Six Flags are fun. Down in Atlanta, they had... Freaknik?

I forget the name of it, but they had Freaknik. Quite the amusement park I got to go to. Sean's not invited. It's probably only happened like, I don't know. Have you ever been to Tarowinds? No. Is that up here? I'm checking where it is.

It's in Charlotte, North Carolina. I remember doing a club either in Charlotte or somewhere in North Carolina, and then they would give you tickets to the amusement park for your day off. That sounds so dope. Yeah, it was. Sounds like a blast. I mean, there was like, there's Valley Fair by where we live. That's like by Minneapolis.

That was always super fun. And just like, it's probably happened like 10 times, maybe 15 on trips where we would just work it into the trip. And it was so much, when we went to Atlanta into the trip and it was so much when we went to atlanta for a wedding it was so much fun just to be like all right we're out we're going to the amusement park and it was like a water park slash regular park and uh a lot of people cowered it out they didn't want to go and so we're like well the people that want to go we're gonna have a dope time and we got there it was almost closing time so we had to like run to every single water slide but we hit

them all shit like that it was super fun i just i don't know it's fun i really enjoy doing it it's a fun little slice that i don't know that you just don't do on your every day like it seems like you got to be on a vacation are we talking like oaks park level or is that kind of the baseline i think oaks park would count i i mean anything with like a roller coaster that adults can go on. Okay. I'll call that an amusement park. I think Oaks Park has one that I think adults can get on there, right? If you see a parking lot festival, are you pulling off there? Like just if you happen to see an amusement park in a parking lot?

Or does that... Any chance I get. They used to have one at the Eagle Rock Target Mall. They'd have that little carnival that they i would just go walk around that thing whenever it was happening i never once sessioned it but i would always go kind of see what's up it's fun and that's it ron time for your third pick oh it's my pick okay nice well it's similar to sean's pick but i want to stress he did say amusement park and that the water park was attached to it

this has happened to me once and it was one of the best experiences of my life and it was staying at a hotel that was attached to a renowned water park. And that water park had a Dairy Queen inside. Whoa. This is like the yacht. This is yacht jet ski. That's absolutely. We're deep in. So you got a nice hotel room, cabin-like hotel room.

You go down to the water park. You're sliding around having a good time pretty much like sean said and then not only that when you're feeling a little peckish you got chicken strips you got fries and not only for you maybe you're not a dairy queen person i get that some people aren't but there is nothing that will make you feel more americana than seeing a hussy kid in swim trunks eating a blizzard or a dilly bar still wet from going down the water slide pulling his wet t-shirt off of his chubby little body was that what was that in wisconsin i believe this was in minnesota but i okay i've also liked the wisconsin dales yes wisconsin we went there when we were kids man that place is ill but yeah I believe this was in Minnesota, but I also like the Wisconsin Dells.

Yes. The Wisconsin Dells. We went there when we were kids, man. That place is ill. I think you're in friendly waters on this podcast with Dairy Queen. I think everyone who listens is a Dairy Queen person. Oh, yeah. Hottie, Cool Treat, give me both.

I got two hands for a reason. I was going to say, you got one. Call me Britney Spears. You know, Hottie, Cool Treat. What is everybody's preferred Dairy Queen order? I grew up a Dilly Bar, man. Now I like a Blizzard, but I grew up with Dilly Bars. Oh, I like the Strawberry Sundae.

I like the, I'm going to put you in, I mean, I think top three, I think, are, of course, the Dilly Bar. I like the Butterscotch Dilly Bar the best. And then I like the Butterscotch Dilly Bar the best. And then I like just a nice Blizzard. And then the Peanut Buster Parfait. I love the Peanut Buster Parfait. On the hottie side, I think the only real answer is the chicken strip basket. That's a fact.

Yeah. Especially when there's certain Dairy Queens that have better chicken strips. But they all have good chicken strips. Well, there's... God damn it. I might... This might be... I never fact-checked. This is one of those.

I think there's a difference between a grill and chill and a Dairy Queen. I could be so wrong, but I think grill and chill focuses a little more on the eats because not all Dairy Queens advertise the grill and chill part.

As I say it, as it comes out of my mouth, I'm like, this sounds like total bullshit. No, I think you're right're right there are some dairy queens that do focus mostly on the cool trees and don't care so much about the hot eats yeah i think that's a fool's errand you need to focus on both uh if you want to if you want success in this business my dairy queen order was always a hot fudge sunday with extra hot fudge because they would really they would really put the work in on the extra hot fudge. Just like seven or eight more

pumps and I'm like... It's not coming out of that girl's paycheck. You know what I mean? She doesn't have to account for all the hot fudge at the end of the day. Shout out to her. I hate it when they don't want to do that. Like, we can't do that. I know. Who's paying you? It's a standard three pump.

Go to hell. Do you got a pissy and is that what you're gonna say i'm gonna go pee keep talking about derrick quinn word they would when they would uh and this still happens just fast food in general where i'm like let me get another barbecue sauce and every now and again they'll be like all right that'll be 10 cents and you're like you think i don't i have a card you know i just it's so frustrating really just give it to me just let's not let me have it you these packets they mean nothing yeah they go with the win you're making all this money on the soda hook me up on the back end yeah let you if you're not gonna let Baja Blast be free at least give me these packets

you're not gonna let if I can't go get Baja Blast out in these streets on the regular I gotta come directly to you which are they gonna are they gonna are they gonna loosen their grip on Baja Blast out in these streets on the regular I gotta come directly to you which are they gonna are they gonna loosen their grip on Baja Blast anytime soon they got to it's the people who demand it put it in the stores man you know what I could here's what I could use another a new Mountain Dew

it's been a while since there's been a new Mountain Dew that's it a watermelon one just came out major watermelon major melon get the fuck out of town I didn't know that That's it. The watermelon one just came out. Major watermelon. Yeah. Major melon. Get the fuck out of town. I didn't know that. There's a watermelon Mountain Dew?

Major melon. He's out there. He's out there and he's aggressive. Ask and you shall receive. I didn't know that. So I can go buy one after this? I can go get one probably? Probably.

They'll go to the Circle K. Damn, dude. I'm going to. I thought there's like always a new mountain dew well no coming out at any given time code red live wire regular baja blast what about the orange orange orange live wire live wire what about the uh what about the the call of duty one like yeah just for gamers yeah they got bro i think that you're i think you're slacking on your pimping no i'm not never david i never have i think there was a time they had a contest where there was like three new mountain dews for a while but then that was only for like a year or something and then they all

went away i just i like i'm satisfied i've been i've been satiated you told me there's water like this major melon too so i think you're going to be excited about it. Watermelon anything tastes dope to me, except for real watermelon. I don't like watermelon, but I like watermelon flavored everything. That's insane. That's like me and bananas. You don't like real bananas, but you like banana flavored everything? Mm-hmm. Pudding, Laffy Taffy's, but runts.

I love banana brunt. I'm back. Yeah. But yeah, you think it's the consistency about bananas i think it's the texture the consistency yes i feel you it's like i'm throwing up it's like i already threw up and i'm chewing it and gonna swallow it again and i'm like i don't want that yeah well you definitely still the deal now so i know we got a big pocket of people that eats bananas only when they're listening to the show

and i apologize for what i just did to you but that's that you know them's the bricks potassium posse you know another rap group man that one was that was asap rock dude asap rock somebody make it so i can skate with him he he lives in Portland and he's always posting videos of him skating at the same places I go all the time. Just with cooler people. Not cooler people, but different people. The people I go skate with. Blacker people.

Well, now I don't know what to say. Nothing's right. I can't. What do I say? No, it'd just be fun to skate with him. Well, now I don't know what to say. Nothing's right. I can't. What do I say? No, it'd just be fun to stay with him. I love Aesop, Brock. I met him at Helium once, and I just found the picture the other day. It was like eight years ago on Facebook, and I was looking at the ground.

I was so nervous. Go be like, your name's Ian. I have another friend named Ian. I do. And there it is. I used it. Yeah. You're off to the race. All's what that's how i met atmosphere

staying at a hotel attached to a water park attached to a dairy queen what could be better than that time for my third and fourth picks as it is as it is a serpentine draft with my third pick tangential to my second pick. Again, these are all kind of lining up. I'm going to be taking being drunk in water, which is something I only do on vacation. It's a simple one, but it's real fun. It's a freeing feeling. I love it.

You can pee as much as you want. You can pee as much as you want in a pool or the ocean. It doesn't really matter. You're drunk. Your code of morals has gone out the window already. I just love it. I loved it in Palm Springs where you would like sit by the pool and just drink like some pina coladas. And then just like jump in the pool.

Feel like Tony Soprano where you're just floating there being existential underwater. Like that kind of thing you know and Ron you don't drink but I'm sure this is like for being stoned in water too yeah it's just amazing like an altered state an altered state in the water I love it like uh the last time I went to Hawaii they had just this like giant pool where you would like get you could get a pina colada and like go in the pool with it and then just like bop around and it's just a little slice of heaven it's just a little slice of heaven that so i just love that i just love being drunk in the water it's uh it's child like yeah you feel like you're back in the womb you start like swimming like a kid too

where you'll start doing that i wonder if i can i wonder if i can stay underwater the whole time spitting out the water before you realize that's a bad idea but like because you're drunk you essentially just drank your pee yeah oh yeah you're just gargling we went we went to one of andy's uh pool parties back in the day when i first moved to la and i got there and i took note of the pool because i was like i'm going to look at the pool and remember how it looks right now and then i'm going to look at the end of the day and i'm going to see how it looks at the end of the day and it was so much different looking at the end of the day and i assume it was just from all the adults peeing in the pool all day it was it

was like such a different it looked like i don't know like it was dirty yes you could tell it was the first time i've seen something where i was like you could tell a hundred different people and just people bringing their emotion yeah and people may be spilling drinks and but yeah it was just anyway it was just like whoa that is a dirty soup. It's a soup. Yeah, it's a soup. It didn't stop me. It didn't stop any of the wheels from going back into the pool every single time. I just, you know, I noticed. That was a fool's errand from the offset in Quavo and takeoff.

From the Quavo, sure. That's also one of the best sentences. My mom said when, you know, when we started getting the house and stuff and I had a pool. And then my mom was living here for like six months and and she was like i got friend invited me to go swim with her but i just can't do public pools anymore that's amazing that's amazing just 20 feet tall all of a sudden like that's right mom what a gift to give to her that you ultimately are giving to yourself with that comment

yeah yeah yeah it's like you get it's like buying someone the ingredients for an amazing dinner that you get to eat you know what i mean like i can't do public your mom's saying i can't do public pools anymore what a beautiful thing to hear yeah i can't say that but she can yeah yeah i don't know if i'm ever gonna not be able to do a public pool i still uh you yeah i still get me i'm out there in them water slides with you man double dilly bar dilly bar in each hand don't get it wet you're in the back in there too i'm in the front like don't get it wet ron oh it is a blast we did that uh lazy river and me blair and gabe and blair's holding a pack of cheese curds and we're just floating around passing cheese curds to each other it's heavy i'll get i'll get whatever weird slushy typhoon hurricane whatever drink they want to call it

it's 18 and you have to buy the plastic cup each time i'm like yeah give me give me a few of those i'll be on the lazy river for the duration you'll fucking wear a bandolier of them like arnold and commando dude absolutely sure well mr mr i just saw total recall for the first time the other day by the way that's astonishing you know that you have those things that just escape you for a long time, and it's like somehow it's never happened. And then you're like, I heard this movie's got three titties. Three titties. That's what brought me there in 98 the first time I watched it.

Makes me wish I had three hands. That guy. Oh, man, there were three boobs in that one. When that woman gets killed, the bullet goes through the middle boob, too. That's the only way to kill them. Some guy built a boob with a blood packet in it where he's like, all right, so this is your regular third boob. And then when you get shot, you're going to switch it out for this third boob. And I'm going to push this and it's gonna go

I bet you that was the best day of that guy's life they said you'd never find a job Jason you were a creep if you're good at something don't do it for free I'm moving to Hollywood mom I'm gonna make boobs that explode I love it.

And then my fourth pick, so being drunk in the water is my third pick. My fourth pick is going to be, this is my first non-tropical exclusive pick, although also in tropical areas. I'm going to take going to museums. I fucking love going to museums on vacation. Same, same, same, same. Some of the best times I've had. Yeah.

It's always like, if you're in town, have you ever been in town and you're like, oh, the Frito-Colos are here too right now? Yeah. Yes. Well, yeah. You're like in Milwaukee or something and you walk by and it's like, yeah. Yeah. I love it. like in milwaukee or something and you walk by and it's like yeah and yeah it's like when uh when i first got to portland we went down to the whichever one's by the psu is the portland art

museum maybe and we thought it was like a free day so we got there and they were like it's gonna be it was like 35 bucks each or something and we're like oh well no we can't do that and the lady was like you know what i get like five comps a month. So why don't you guys get it? Because we were just like, it was 10 years ago. So I was probably just looked like a gross little skater. Well, gross 30-year-old skater. And she was just like, get on in there.

You saw like Picassos and stuff. I was shocked. I was like, no shit. There it is. It's right there. That's what everyone talks about is one of them. I'm looking at it. It was just such a good feeling.

It's right there. That's what everyone talks about is one of them. I'm looking at it. It was just such a good feeling. I love a good museum when you don't have to feel like you know everything or that you're smart. You can just walk around and just enjoy how pretty things are. Absolutely. One of my favorite games when I go to, like, I love going to the Getty. And just one of my favorite games is just going on a, like, it used to be my favorite date because it wasn't, it was, I think it was free.

It's just the parking you're paying for. And so it used to be a great, like, second or third date where you could really get to know someone. And I would like to go there and then just be like, we would just go in the room and I'd go, what, if you could own one thing, like, what would you own in here? And that was always, you could learn a lot from people about that. I've never been to the Getty. Is it, pardon my ignorance, is it just paintings? Or is there all kinds of stuff at the Getty? There's all kinds of stuff.

Really? Lots of paintings, lots of paintings. But then it's also exhibits that roll out every season. They have a beautiful garden. The garden is the best. You take a train up there. It's like Jurassic Park. It's like the good part, the beginning of Jurassic Park before it goes bad.

Where you're like, oh, this would be nice. Yeah. My nephew just taught me how to play the Jurassic Park theme song on the piano. Nice. No big deal. That's huge, dude. on the piano. Nice. No big deal. That's huge, dude. I like that. Yeah, it's huge.

It's good for Drunkle. Show me again. I love it. London? I love that movie. We've got to use the other side of the piano I spilled down here. Clever girl. No more bass keys.

Yeah, clever girl. How do I do Axl F? Clever girl. No more bass keys. Yeah, clever girl. How do I do Axl F? Clever girl. How do I do Axl F from Beverly Hills Cop? Teach me that one next. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Tell me. Cop, cop, Beverly Hills Cop. Europe

is great for museums because they stole everything. Which is a thing I used to try. I was trying to do on stage and then Sam Jay put that whole joke in a special. So now I feel weird even saying it. But like I went to the British Museum in London and when the British were in power, that's just back when you could just steal everything and they just kept it and they aren't going to give it back because they're like no it's ours now and that sucks for the people in those countries but for you when you're at that museum it's fantastic because you're like there's the rosetta stone and i'm going down here and this is all this

mesopotamian stuff and then i'm in this room located it's all been looted and plundered and it's located in this one building right next to a pretty good English breakfast. Now, here you go. And I'll tell you this, because we're all friends. I thought Rosetta Stone was a name. I didn't know it was something. I'll buy that. So there we go.

Didn't know that. I had no idea. Knowing you, that makes sense. Yes. Do you know what the Rosetta Stone is? I do not. I just found out it wasn't a person so no i don't just now just now did you think it was the language teaching software do you think anne frank is a hot dog brand no

anne frank was a rock that you kiss in Ireland It's like if you want another Frank I'll have Anne Frank No I don't know what the Rosetta Stone is Wait it's the one with all the languages on it right And that's how they translated everything It has a like a form of I think an ancient Like not ancient Greek but a form of ancient Greek, and then hieroglyphics,

and then a second kind of hieroglyphics. And they were able to reverse engineer it, because they knew one of them. And that's how they were able to figure out what hieroglyphics mean. I did know that. Because there was one thing posted in three different languages. And they have it, because they just took it. Now I know. They were in Egypt.

I'm guessing someone else was listening just learned that too so i bet i'm not alone that's probably true yeah yeah the move in paris is like a fucking you can spend two three days there it's amazing like this i just look were there cool museums in tokyo did you go to any i didn't really go in tokyo we went to shrines okay tokyo that's those Yeah, that was frigging awesome. A lot of it was like climbing mountains or like they had these real just old school golden shrines that live on lakes. And you get to just kind of walk around and see everything. And then they have people with making those little fish cakes with the beans and the custard in it.

It's awesome. Yeah. No. We went to Kyoto and it was pretty much that, just going shrine to shrine and then they have real life geishas. They're called maikos and geikos.

It's not like people giggling and stuff. It's just people running around really fast and it's real cool to see. I would love to go to Japan. That's like a place. Yeah. see. Wow. I would love to go to Japan. That's like a place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I've never heard you say it like that. Yeah. I mean, it's got multiple things on my list that I'll either mention after I pick them or not. But yeah, I mean, you know how much I love pot and you can't smoke pot there. And I would several times tell my wife, I go, even if I didn didn't bring these edibles i would be having a blast for these two weeks it's just that chill that fun there's a level of like cultural respect and niceness here's one of the things i think david and all you were like okay like say if you just decide you won't go to

like i went to wrestling but if you want to go to a baseball game sumo whatever you could stop off at 7-eleven grab your food grab your beer that you want to bring stop grab off somewhere else and then just bring it into the stadium and they don't give a shit because they don't think you're an animal that's going to throw it at the players wow i love that that's. That's amazing. That's what I was going to do anyways. You don't have to get price gouged on like a fucking $19 burger or something. Yeah, that sounds great. A whole country that treats you like an adult. Yeah.

It'd be nice. That's awesome. Fuck yeah. We would have that in America if you Irish didn't ruin things, Sean. Stop. We helped. We helped. House of Pain. I guess you never listened to house of pain you never had jock jams dickhead did you just say you never read jock jams uh no i didn't know it was a book

david the novelization of the two cds yeah the cd jacket of jock jams who who did not yes whitey ford wanted to thank. If I say boom, boom, boom, I got to find out what you're saying on the other end. Yeah, who says hey-o? Is that my line or is that somebody else's? What do they make in the C&C Music Factory? Is it just music or do they make it? Dude, I looked up Freedom Williams the other day.

That dude is still shredded, by the way. He was the C&C Music Factory main dude. Okay. I digress uh with my fourth pick i will take uh doing mushrooms in vondelpark in amsterdam i have done this multiple times and every single time it has led to one of the best experiences in my life whether it's the first time i did it where i walked around vondal park and then i ended up at this old converted church that was now a a concert place and i end up seeing grandmaster flash

that was the first time the second one he just happened to be there he was doing a concert and he had tickets so i walked in the second time i did mushrooms in vondelpark they just happened to be having a funk concert in the whole park wow so that was just an amazing experience and then the third time i just end up which i can't take it because it's one of your face i just end up walking and going into the van gogh museum and then get in a nice slice of apple pie so every time i've done mushrooms in vondelpark in amsterdam has been one of the best fun never one of those mushroom trips where you're like oh i learned something and now i gotta like change my ways it's always been like fucking life is great i'm in a beautiful park and people are dancing around me and there's Grandmaster Flash.

So I love it. I fucking love Amsterdam. I didn't do mushrooms while I was there, but I fucking love Amsterdam. What a beautiful city. I've never done mushrooms and I want to, but I'm scared. I think I don't think I'll do well. But hearing that makes it sound amazing. But I just feel like I'll get nervous or something.

It's possible, but I recommend it. I love doing mushrooms every six months, three weeks, every little bit. Not a weekly occurrence, but it's very much a vacation occurrence. I love doing mushrooms on vacation. Plus, when you fly them in, you get that good feeling when you land. So it's like double-upper when you land. You can buy them in Amsterdam, though, right? Yeah, you just buy...

I didn't fly with them there. You can just buy truffles, unsprouted mushrooms. And they're really nice, really strong, and yeah, great. Great time every time. I love Amsterdam, too. The Van Gogh Museum's a good... That's a good mushroom museum too. It's not too big.

You're not going to spend like six hours in it. No, just a few flights of stairs. You're in and you're out. And you can go walk around the sex museum or the weed museum or whatever. Go get yourself some strudel or some stroopwafel. Stroopwafel? Pomegoka? Frites. I love just hanging around amsterdam not even just i mean i find usually the weeds better in california but like just the vibe

and the the produce and the meat and everything in in amsterdam is just top notch it's so good i went to uh like basically a michelin starred uh benihana when i was in amsterdam and it was so fucking good and not like insanely expensive either like pretty reasonable they have great sneaker stores there too shout out to patham amsterdam love it there that's a great picture thank you sean time for your fourth pick uh i like to and you know no one is going to take this i don't think but you know i got to take it of course you took airport bar first none of us were gonna take that it's all good just follow your heart can i take it again can i take like different airport bar like go on the way out

leaving what's that land yeah i you know i did that one time so i landed in la one time and somebody had a i think it was louis ck had a joke about stopping it somewhere at the airport that you land at cinnabon and i would land at la and it was like five o'clock and i was like i'm not i'm just not gonna get in a cab right now so i sat for like two hours at an airport bar after i landed just so i didn't have to sit in traffic for an hour and a half anyway um my fourth pick right right now go to whatever skate park is in town. That's always something. Skateboard or not. For a while, it was kind of sad because I didn't really skate for a long time. I was, you know, I did, but like now since I've been skating so much this last year,

it'll kind of be like it used to when I was younger. I'd go skate, like actually go skate the park, but I would always go look. Like even when we were in Madison, I remember I like drug myself out of bed and walked down and looked and I was like, cool. And I looked at it and turned right around back to the hotel and slept for like an hour or something. But yeah, it's always just fun to like go see the local park, meet the local skaters, go see some local spots, like go to the shop. Like it all kind of centers around meeting people at the park and just seeing like what the vibe of the city is about you get the added benefit of being the guy at the airport with a skateboard like yeah on your

carry-on every time i see that person i'm just like oh who's that is that christian who is that it's probably like before the internet when you know you could almost convince people that you're a pro because you you're in shape and you have a skateboard and that's like all you need before the internet because you all look every skateboarder kind of looks the same to an extent no like nobody you can't be like hey i'm dikembe matumbo you can tell because i'm holding this basketball yeah you could i mean obviously I play for the Denver Nuggets, but anybody could be a professional skater. Yeah. Like if you didn't know any better, you could be like, I'm like, I'm Trevor Colden or somebody.

And they'd be like, you must be because you said you were. So I got to I got to believe you. You can say I'm Sean Jordan. I'm a professional skater. Yeah. Now. Yeah. One bummer thing about flying with a board now what i do is i take it apart because when you put it in the up in the in the

uh where the bags go on the plane people look at you like you're fucking like like there's a dead body up there they just look at you like you're insane because it takes up essentially it's somebody can't put their suitcase in where your skateboard is but they get mad because they can almost fit it yeah and every time it happens i'll they'll look around you see them and i most of the time i like to think i'd be like it's mine and they'll look at you and kind of assess and i'm like act like there's a suitcase there just act like that whole thing is taken wait for someone to put like a purse up there or something you just can't fit a suitcase you just can't so stop trying to shove it in and look at me like i'm a prick i'd be upset i'll be honest yeah even though i love you i love you

you're a little tea kettle i know you'd be so irritated but if i got my bag and there's just a fucking birdhouse skateboard up there put that shit looking for it. Put that shit under the seat, dog. You can't. That's the thing. You have to put it up there. They won't let you. It's either that or pay for it.

Why don't you skate to wherever the fuck you trying to go? Then this is an airplane. I've definitely had to raise my voice and had a voice raised on me over this exact thing on a plane. I've a couple of times. And my, my go-to is just like treat it like there's a bag up there and i told you i didn't mean to yell i was just stressed yeah yeah so anyway i stopped doing that and now i just take it apart i'll i'll keep the board like

on my bag and then i'll put the trucks and wheels in my bag much better for everybody so even you're saying that there's a more efficient way to do that much more but when you're a kid what i wanted people to get mad about it when i'm 20 it was fun i'd be like yeah what the fuck are you gonna do about it i'd put it on the wing if they let me yes that was it that was absolutely it skater boys dude they say see you later boy for a reason david after that timely reference and it's time for your fourth and then your final picks i will do a lightning round for the fifth round now that's why they call it window pane my fourth pick is really simple it's time for your fourth and then your final picks i will do a lightning round for the fifth round now that's why they call it windowpane my fourth pick is really simple it's just a live event i love being any kind of live event go to a concert like when we went to on that trip and it was around going to cj go to a baseball game go to a football game go to like a

shitty shitty karaoke in the hotel whatever just a live event on vacation is always fun not comedy though it can be fun it can be not car it can be i just i went to a you know actually you're right that turned out not fun see i don't think i've ever gone somewhere specifically to see comedy where i wasn't involved in some way so i don't know i've ever gone somewhere specifically to see comedy where i wasn't involved in some way so i don't know i mean i think that i mean that just for me more more i went to see dave chappelle in minneapolis before i started stand-up i think i think that's completely different sinbad when i was just in portland visiting because sinbad was at the club yeah that's a difference though that's different but i see what they point because like it's like if you were to like just be like hey i'm gonna just stop off on my job while i'm on

vacation that's that's what i'm saying is like do something outside of your comfort zone go do you know what i mean right i love i mean if you're gonna see like mel brooks or something i get it oh yeah i went like i went to i've been to like yankee games when i was in new york where there's just like a game at four and you're like, yeah, let me go see this. It's fucking great. New York is the best for it. There's always somebody you want to go see in New York that night. Always, yeah.

There's always a good show. Yeah, it's just like a great way to experience the city. You get a little buzz. You maybe meet some friends. It's just always real fun. So live event is the fourth one. And your final pick number five uh oh yeah lightning round finishing a book vacation is the best time to finish a book always always always

i love i love reading a dumb book on vacation oh yeah give me like fucking twilight or some shit i'll save dean coons or whatever yeah i'll save the birch and russell for my house inside sounding out words. Not trying to do that on a beach. Kidding me? Sean, your final pick. I gotta be true to myself and it is

to go to whatever mall is around. I love it. And it's never going to change. I love going to the mall i love malls i love them to pieces all of them never met a mall i didn't like and it the main one revolves around the mall of america i have a blast every time i get to go because it's like an event and they have another of my picks in the mall of america you had a u.s draft on this one i'll tell you that for free even before i was going to and i realized i'm like damn you are a simple

you're a simple guy. You've been on cool vacations. You've been to Costa Rica, and you've gone on three-day hikes and shit like that. Yeah, didn't you just go hiking through the mountains for days? You think I'd rather go to the mall than hike 42 miles around Mount Hood any day? Yeah, I mean, all of this really sounds like a work trip, really. Maybe I've only been on vacations where I have to do stand-up that night maybe i think so all of this is like depend all these things that depend on having your night open later like what can i do after waking up at 11 and before 6 30

and still squeeze a nap and i was like one pick away from yeah 45 minutes in the bathroom somewhere in there Ron your final pick yeah I do have to do a quick honorable mention of something way too specific to make it but I loved it which was that when I went to Wrestlemania in New Orleans

because you just have the whole small town vibe of New Orleans and it is taken over by wrestling fans. So at that point, it's also like all my people. So I could just throw up a too sweet to any random person. And that felt good while eating a po' boy, taking in a Pelicans game. That was a true blast. However, my final pick is just one of the best feelings i ever had is one

of the true feelings that ever was like you know what ron i'm so fucking glad you got into comedy when people would say what are you doing when people would say you're doing bad things for your son you're never gonna make it and that is walking around a park in par, listening to niggas in Paris. God bless it. Yeah. I want to cry. I want to cry right now. I'm not gonna, but.

That is gnarly. That's the whole point of that song, too? Yes! That's the whole, like, yeah, man. That's great. That's a great pick. That's beautiful. That was going to be Sean's sixth pick pick so yeah i've never been to paris i was gonna say walking around chicago but it didn't work last time i was in paris uh we went to because my

dad's family is from there but we got chased out during the holocaust when the nazis occupied it and i went back to the or on this month the neighborhood that we used to live in uh and drank a campari soda in the neighborhood that we used to live in and drank a Campari soda in the neighborhood that the Nazis chased us out of. Just a fucking beautiful feeling where it's like, I'm back you motherfuckers. Fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you.

So I'm putting down revenge. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. And then my final pick is gonna be the one night when you stay in at the hotel. When you're like, I don't know, like four or five nights into the vacation and you're like beat. Maybe you had like a long day and you got like dinner reservation somewhere or you're like, we're going to go do this. And you're just like, fuck it.

Let's stay in. And then you end up watching like a movie or like bad hotel TV and get room service. And just having that like. Especially if you're watching TV in another language or something. Yeah. You're like watching like King of the Hill in French. Yeah. But you still know what they're saying.

Yeah. It's just a beautiful feeling. That little, let's like plug into the wall for the night so we can hit it hard again in the morning. Yeah. So that's my final pick to recap the draft David you went first you took six on vacation a guided

tour going to a local market shopping and then cooking some food up a live event and then finishing a book Sean you went second you took the airport bar getting lost downtown finding an amusement park, finding a skate park, and then going to the mall. This is for one day!

I could go do that right now. That's like a spring break. That's like 10th grade spring break. I didn't realize what it was going to sound like all put together, i'm a simple boy saturday in april ron you took jet skiing off a yacht in a bathrobe traveling and landing safely with drugs staying at a hotel attached to a water park with a dairy queen inside of it doing mushrooms in the park in amsterdam and then walking around a park in paris listening to a song that goes by the name of niggas in paris ian why'd you do that to your voice that's crazy

i went last and i took uh vacation clothes spending all goddamn day at the beach being drunk in the water going to museum and then that one night on vacation where you stay in now we left a few things on the board but not much uh no i got my whole i got every pick i like everything local candy just finding out what like the local candy is and getting some of that only other thing i had was drive a golf cart oh that's a good that was on my list but it was um they let you go go-karting actually in downtown tokyo on the regular streets what what yeah whoa that sounds gnarly i don't need anyone to let me do that it was awesome i do sound terrifying but it's awesome

and you also get to wear costumes like you're in mario kart yeah i'm saying before turtle shells and cars and shit yeah oh that'd be fun that's amazing so they got it figured out man that's sick it was a blast i think they shut it down but i did it it was amazing now you can still go do it you just might spend a night in jail uh i had like nachos by a pool which is really fun a boat trip but the guided tour kind of cover that hiking which is something i had hiking yeah um joking aside i do love going like getting out in the nature whatever i'm around yeah of course dude yeah nature's which is the vitamin store and the mall you go to

yeah i got you uh we want to hear you oh marissa do you have anything mars you got anything oh uh i like doing anything that's usually illegal in your city, but totally legal in the city that you're traveling to. So this could be drugs, dealings, sex work. Prostitution. Yeah. I will shout out in Portland. You guys got me a lap dance at a strip club. We did.

Very great lap dance. That was awesome. I forgot about that. That was amazing. I had titties in my face. That was, yeah. What a great night. That whole sequence

of events came up later in a text thread it did I remember that as well but like you know it was well worth it it was well worth it

we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the all fantasy

everything patreon thank you so much for holding us down we sincerely appreciate you shout out to everyone on the afh the slackity the all fantasy everything patreon thank you so much for holding us down we sincerely appreciate you shout out to everyone the af each the slackety the all fantasy everything subreddit shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude shout out to haji beats wait i got one more oh yeah uh shout out to max chayton he came out to my show the other night he loves us he listens all the time. Lives in Denver.

Let me throw like, sorry, I got a few on there. Nice. I sent a picture of him to you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to Jake from Nolan. Stay on that job, Hunt Playboy. You got it.

Shout out to Tippi from Natalie. Good vibes all day. Tony from Nick. Shout out to all the retail workers. And Ben from Claire. Happy anniversary. All right. Yeah. It's an anniversary. Shout out to my mom who workers and ben from claire happy anniversary all right yeah shout out to my mom who who won't listen to this but i love her no matter and shout out to uh the

soda shop and candy shop goodies in bend oregon even though the rest of that town is not fun and slightly racist i do very much enjoy your old school 50s soda shop. True, true, and true. Yeah. Beautiful. And more important than all of that, except for perhaps the old school candy, tune in again next week

to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklockity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.