All Fantasy Everything - Voices, Part 2 (w/ Amin Elhassan)

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

We're doing it again! And if I had a pick, it would be a three-way tie between Ian Karmel, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan.Guest:Amin Elhassan (@darthamin)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (@IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (@SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (@Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (@IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting the best voices. Our guest today is our friend, podcaster, personality, man wearing a beautiful hoodie. It's nice. A beautiful hoodie. Amin Elhassan is here. Thank you. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. With me as always are my friends and comedians,

Sean Jordan and David Borey. It's gorgeous. It's sort of a, as Sean pointed out, a Philadelphia Phillies throwback color scheme. Yeah, a little burgundy, a little sky blue. A little burgundy and some Robin's egg. I'm gonna use the term Robbins egg blue Robbins egg. Yeah, it's out Is that the color whatever Robbins egg is that is it you've never seen a Robbins egg? That the color whatever Robbins egg is

Not having seen a Robbins egg what the fuck is wrong with you That's right. I did not brush up on my bird's eggs prior to coming on, so that's my policy. Well, we'll try to hold this thing together as best we can, but I don't have high hopes. Do you know the color of any bird eggs? Yes, chicken. Okay, all right, good, we're good to go.

We'll be good to go. We'll be able to do it. You know they lay eggs every day? You know that? Yeah. Every day. I did know that. I didn't know that.

I thought it was like once a week, once a month, who's to say? Well, you think it once a year with the prices the way they are. That's what I did know that. I thought it was like once a week, once a month, who's to say? Well you think it once a year with the prices the way they are. That's what I hear it too. Are egg prices still high? I have no idea. They are, they are.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the secret, they're never coming back down. That's right. One day they tell you, oh my God, there's a shortage. Whatever comes back down. That's the point. It goes up and then it's up. Capitalism.

And then we just say, remember back in the day. Yeah. They were like, you used to be able to get eggs for $0.45. And then they're like, shut up, Grandpa. Eating the Robbins eggs now, which are somehow cheaper. You know what's crazy is Bill Cosby has a whole bit about eggs at a casino. Love that guy.

What a genius. I haven't really looked into him in the last 15 years. How's he doing? Why would you if it ain't broke, you know? Yeah. I saw Bill Cosby live like two years before all that news broke. Oh, that last tour he did?

That last tour. I almost did too, cause I was like, I wanna see the legends. Like I had a whole thing about it. And then I just didn't. And I was like really upset. And then now I can't. You're like, I'll catch him next year. Like, I had a whole thing about it. And then I just didn't. And I was, like, really upset. And then, uh, now I can't. You're like, I'll catch him next year.

Yeah, that's how I feel. I was like, I was like, whatever. I happen to have a midsize gig this time. I'll catch him next year. And then we missed it. Yep. Was it good? Yeah. Yeah, it was.

I mean, it's a... Yes. Yes. You know? I don't think that that doesn't make me a bad guy, saying that, like, pointing was, I mean, it's, yes, yes, you know, I don't think that, that doesn't make me a bad guy saying that, like pointing out that one of the greatest comedians ever was. Old guy comics usually really suck except for Mel Brooks. But he was always kind of in that old, like, you know, he just sat, he sat in a chair and like told stories

and they were like, you know, pretty funny and like just very charming, you know, it was, it was like that kind of thing. But yeah, it was good. The guy who's looking like slim a little bit right now, Sean S. Jordan on to whatever, Sean Coogerman on Instagram, that's the important one. You don't know what you just did for me.

I just told Isaac before you guys got on that I think I'm developing this weird body image issue. Really? You look good. Like later in life. Thank I think I'm developing this weird body image issue. Really? You look good. Like later in life. Thank you, I appreciate it. You're looking good. What are you worried about?

My gut and my red face. Doesn't look red to me. Nothing funny. You wanna destroy it? Do you wanna destroy what we just built up or anything like that? No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying thank you so much.

Tomorrow night I'll be in Fort Collins. Come tell me if I look slim or not. And Saturday. Here it not. And Saturdays. And if you're poking around Denver tonight, you might catch me out to dinner with David. If you just go somewhere and see if maybe. They're not going where we're going. They're gonna be looking.

There's enough people in Denver now. That's what I'm worried about. Bring your ass out. See what time it is. I don't even know where we're going yet. Yeah dude, that's what time it is. Anyway, yeah, Fort Collins. Come out to Fort Collins.

It's gonna be a blast. I'm excited. Four different outfits. And then come see us in New Orleans in May. How many shows? Yeah, what? Four shows. I'm wearing a different outfit each show

because they film them. What? Oh! Okay, I thought that was just your new shit. Fucking shit. Shondra's the entertainer. Hey, I'm coming to the early and the late show. Well, same jokes, but different new shit. Fucking shit. Shawn Jordan the entertainer. Hey, I'm coming to the early and the late show.

Well, same jokes, but different shit on. Different kit, baby. Different kit. Gotta catch them all. That'll be, hey, are your shows different? I'll be like, yeah, they're a little different. Come on up. Come to both.

Hey, do you like Shawn Jordan? Who's Shawn Jordan? He's the different outfits guy. Oh yeah, I like the different outfits guy. Yeah, yeah, he's fun. How different are the outfits? Well, this is gonna be my Missy Elliott weekend, so come see.

Okay. Okay, I can't wait. Do you have a Missy Elliott t-shirt or are you telling us you're gonna be wearing a big inflatable trash bag? Cause either one is in play. I want you to dress up like Mega Man in the socket to me video.

That's the one. That's what I was getting. The whole thing was a ruse, but I was thinking trash bag. Yes. Okay. Well, not the Mega Man then. No, not the Mega Man trash bags. Four different color trash bags.

I'm probably not coming. I'm probably not coming. I was gonna see if I could get out there. I'm gonna be in Macon, Georgia this weekend. Macon, Bacon? Why don't you try Macon a trip to Denver on your way back? I think my wife might be making her way to a lawyer if that's the case. No, don't tell.

No. It's actually pronounced McCone. McCone. McCone. Mason. Bonjour, McCone. Je suis Ian Carmel. This is a Casu Festival.

I want you so badly to come out like that. I will, I'm gonna come out in one of those motorized wheelchairs like Paul Prudhomme. I almost called him Iron Chef Paul Prudhomme. I don't think he ever made his way into the culinary dome. Yeah, no ramps. No ramps. But ramps, the food ramps though, plenty of those.

David Borey, aka coolguyjokes87 on Instagram, No ramps. But ramps, the food ramps though, plenty of those. David Bori, aka CoolGuyJokes77 on Instagram, he's here. Oh, you wanna, what, you can see me? Yeah, where can people see you? April 5th and 6th you can see me in Rapid City, South Dakota at the Red River Comedy Club. And then April 25th and 26th, you can see me at the Dallas Comedy Club.

I love that club. It's only, it's two outfits. I don't know. It's two outfits. I'll talk to you after, I'll call you. I'll probably wear some different shoes, but it's gonna be. I got some stuff to talk about at dinner

on Thursday with you. Outfit-based stuff. Oh, okay. How many you should wear per night. If somebody brings you a big cowboy hat to the first show would you wear it in the second show? I'll wear it in the first show. Yeah, I'm talking to David here. Yeah Jesus you're in Fort Collins, bud. They got cowboys to go ahead David and Ian I don't know what to do apparently I'm just getting crabby I don't know I don't know what's going on a producer well he's letting these slim cheekbones go to his head maybe trying to eat a little bit so you're not so grumpy dude. Thank you.

You guys are so nice. Go see David and see. Dallas and Rapid. Rapid. Rapid City. Yeah nothing ever happened there. No. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Go see David in Dallas and Rapid. Rapid. Rapid City? Yeah, nothing ever happened there. No. Sean can't do a book. I came out swinging there, baby. That's where I came out. I came out freestyling. Is that a big dick baby joke? Is that what you just did?

On accident, yeah. Alright, I just wanted to clear it up for anybody taking notes. My mom, for no reason at all, told me that when I came out, my grandma said that I had a big penis. Isn't that weird? Would you rather have not known that? I don't know if I need to know it. I didn't do anything for me, but I guess my grandma said that when I was born.

Does this mean you didn't get a growth spurt later? Oh no, yeah. You think frontloading me? You know those kids who are like six feet tall in like the third grade and then end up being like 6'1". I heard his dad laugh. Let's frontload him so he's alright. Oh you got a big dick! Oh you got a big dick. Oh, you got a big dick there, son. Oh.

Wow. But also, what time is your dad coming to pick you up? Yeah. That is probably the least meaningful time and person to get a dick compliment. Uh-huh. That's a good point. It's, you know, it is double bad. At birth and from grandma?

That's like about as bad as all the other ones. That means nothing. I can't remember why my mom told me, but why tell me, like when did I need that confidence boost? You know? I don't know, man. When did she tell you that this had happened? I can't remember. I can't remember.

Probably getting dumped in high school or something. I'm not impressed by babies with big penises. No, not at all. That wasn't my fault. I was born that way. That's probably the worst thing I've said We should all aspire to that Explain it to Chris Hansen He reads the transcript. Oh, I'm not impressed.

I'm gonna have a seat. Are these your words, Mr. Boyd? I stand on it, you know? Do that at 40. That one's seat. I'm not sitting on a stool. You sit on a stool. Amin El-Hassan is here.

From the Cinephobe podcast. I'll get it right for you. I refuse to get it right for, what is his name even? Nah, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, whatever, whatever, talk hoops. From Oddball with Izzy Gutierrez. That's right. From, I feel like probably a thousand other things.

You're one of the busiest people in the world. Yes, and I also have a live date to plug. May 3rd, Los Angeles. We're gonna be doing our Count the Dings live show, so Cinephobe and Bomb and all the other great properties we have over there, and we're gonna be doing it, one of the full circle moment here Ian, at Baron Davis' studio, Slick Studios in Los Angeles.

Are you really? Yeah man, Baron is a friend of the show. Yeah at Baron Davis's studio slick studios in Los Angeles Yeah, man Bart oatmeal is Bart oatmeal gonna be there Barons gonna be there. I don't know Bart oatmeal is gonna be there. We'll check also. He has a Santa character, too What's his the Bart Bart Claus? Maybe yeah Bart Claus Bart Bart oatmeal The Bart train is named after Baron Davis, after what he did. Should be. Should be.

It's a Kirilenko, yeah. Damn, dude. Is that the one where he pulled his jersey up and he had like sort of the, like the gut wrap on? Of course. Little girdle, little Roger Murchoff. Yeah, you have the girdle. I think he probably had like injured abs

or something like that, but he yammed on Andrei Kirilenko so hard that it set American-Russian relations back like another couple decades. That's why we have Trump. That's where the Panama Papers started. That's right. Well, that and my vote, but yeah.

Well, those are the two big ones. It helped. Maybe you could perform in Rapid City. What is it called? Grand Rapids? Rapid City? I'm going to email this motherfucker today. And if he says no, I don't know what's gonna happen if he says no.

What are you gonna do? I don't know. Just go do it anyways. I've always wanted to do that. Just show up and be like, no, it's my weekend. And just whoever's there. That's literally never going to work. Just go up.

It would. It would, man. It would stop me. That's an insane, just want to show up. If you, okay, if someone cut in line, like if you're about to go up and someone just went up, would you go remove them? Or would you leave it up to the count? I would go up. I would go up.

Just go up. I don't know what I would do. I don't know. You would go up too. What are you talking about? You don't want to eat your food. Who is this person? What if I show up to rap it? I said who it is. You go, who it is?

Who is it? Well, who it is then? I got 12 hours of sleep last night, which I think is too much. I got none over the weekend because I was working on the Mark Twain Prize and it was a lot of late edits and whatnot, but I got 12 last night, so now I'm like sleep drunk,

I think, so I say stuff like what it is. That's all right. What it is. Yeah. Who is it? Give me a comedian who's going up in front of me, because that would change my answer. Bill Cosby.

I'm pulling him off stage, dude. I got him for sure. I'm going up. I'm going up. I'm going up. He can't even see. He doesn't even know who's bumping. Yeah.

How'd you get out of jail? If it's like, okay, what if it's Moza Storm runs up, you know, because then it seems like a thing's going on. Like he's doing like a gimmick. I was talking about just like a person. It's just a random person. Like would you go up and get them off or would you wait for the club to do it?

Would you go up and blow them? I'm like, what are you doing? I just thought that was funny to say.'m speaking my truth David. I'm trying And I'm a dirty bird so this is the part we find that Shawn's gonna go for the Schwarzenegger. White Lotus is gonna be... White Lotus! It's just in a campground in Sioux Falls! Eating mayo on saltines. What are you guys doing here? Holy cow.

Oh man. So go to that live date here in LA. That sounds like it's gonna be fun. Ian, you should pull up. Let me see if I'm in town. Hold on click click. I am I'll be there I'll be though. Hold on Let the record show that I invited you and not some other guy didn't even mention it to me Damn never even mentioned it who Donnie Babylon

He don't want you don't he Babylon himself, dude didn't say a goddamn thing to any of us Hasn't met my kid. You know, that's the shit. No, really? I mean, dude. Yeah, didn't get you a colander. Did not get me a colander. Wait, what?

A meme got me a col... Oh, for the wedding? The meme hasn't got me a brush, nickel, colander for my wedding. And it's beautiful. Brush and we use it all the time. They took the nickel and then they grabbed the brush and then they gave it a nice once over.

They got right down to it. They put a dab of Dax in first. You're calling it waves. You keep it in a bottle in the... I have to put a wave cap on. I want to put it only at night, like during the day. Tommy's go cap. I fill my CPAP machine.

I put the wave cap on my colander, and I go to bed. It's a routine, gotta do it. Brush nickel, by the way, is not like steel-cut oatmeal. Not every colander is brush nickel, this one is. This is the good stuff. It's real good, I use it all the time. Thank you again for that, I mean.

You know what, man, I care. What can I say? Anything else you would like to direct listeners of the All Fantasy Everything podcast towards? No. Okay, great, great. And then it comes up, you let us know, because it did seem like there was something

you were rolling around the old rock tumbler there. But it wasn't. I was just gonna repeat the same things. I realized everything I was gonna say has already been said, so. Cinephobe, go listen to Cinephobe. Listen to Cinephobe. My name is Ian Carmel,

at Ian Carmel on Blue Sky Instagram. I K-cooled you on YouTube, if you feel like looking at clips of me doing stand-up comedy. Watch my special, Comfort Beyond God's Foresight, on the 800 pound gorilla YouTube. We're almost to 100,000 views, which is exciting. Get it there. Great reviews from the New York Times, from Vulture,

from New York Magazine. They put me on the approval matrix in the back, dude. I'm getting a long leather trench coat now. If I'm on the matrix. You just got a short one right now? That's coming. You got a short one?

I like that. Oh, you got a short trench coat? I got a short trench. Like Kate Beckinsale at a farmer's market or something. It cuts mid-thigh. It's leather as hell though, dude. Like an investigative reporter on a rom-com in the mid-2000s. It's just a mid-thigh length track. I got a mid-thigh patent leather trench coat.

You look like you're in a Mary J. Blige video. It's cool. I got thigh eye boons. You're just out there going, what it is? Who it is? Searching for real love. Who it is, how much it is, where it is, and why it is. You can see me wearing that exact outfit in New Orleans, Louisiana, the eighth, ninth, and tenth of May.

We're only performing on the ninth and tenth, but I will be there on the eighth. I'll be there. I'm getting there early on the eighth. I'm getting there about mid-afternoon on the eighth of May. I was just on a flight with fellow festival performer Dulce Sloan on the way back from DC. Nice.

Nice, I just saw Tom Takara. We're gonna see Tom on Thursday. He's coming to dinner with us. Just follow me around. It's gonna be great, it's gonna be really fun. We're getting some special merch printed up and they just sent us the designs back. It is sick, dude, sick.

You tell someone an idea and then they do it even better than what you had in your head and that's an exciting thing You can trade me for the hoodie bro, I got you No, no Yeah, you never like his hands on the fiends hood bucket hat Well, I don't know where to I don't know where to find that stuff. I can't Google it Don't tell me there's a bucket hat. I didn't You did. Producer Shaw. If I can get these eyebrows any higher on my head,

you're cooked, bro. You do one at a time? You can, right? Yes. God, that's insane. Can you guys do that? I can't do eyebrows. I can wiggle my ears, though.

Good podcasting. So can Laura. Interesting. Mm, interesting. That means you're his wife as well. Mm-hmm. That's going toby the rules. And we share clothing in this house.

I want the hoodie so bad. Can we just keep going so I stop thinking about it? All right. I don't have anything else to promote. I'll be in Macon, Georgia this weekend performing stand-up comedy at the attempt to break the world record for the most kazoos played at the same time. I love that you can work on the Mark Twain award. And then in the same week, that's as good as it gets.

Yeah. You call that range? It's range, maybe. It's range. I'm flying, I just flew across the country yesterday. I'm flying back just for you, Macon Georgia. Come out, I don't know how it's gonna go. Are you doing kazoo stuff?

Did you write any kazoo material? I've started writing some kazoo material. There's gonna, so far it's a lot of facts about kazoo's and not a lot of jokes about kazoo's, but I'm hoping that the two will merge. You're not doing a kazoo hour, right? No, I'm doing like a kazoo 20 minutes. And then 10 minutes of my cleanest,

most accessible material. There you go. And then I'm going back to the hotel to stare in the mirror. You have 10 minutes of clean material, huh? No, no, no, I have much more than 10 minutes, but I'm contractually obligated to do about half an hour. I'm being, and I wanna thank Aaron,

and anyone in Make and involved who's listening to this I am very much looking forward to it. I'm afraid of 10,000 people with kazoos. I'm nervous. I'm in my head They're not gonna be playing them though, or are they you've I haven't Would you? Yes, I would but yeah, I would do but I said to break a record, they have to be continually playing them, am I crazy? They have to play the Kazoos for five minutes to break the world record. Hold on.

Continuously? Oh, all the most Kazoos for five minutes. For five minutes. They're gonna play a song for five minutes on Kazoos, but it's a whole evening of festivities. It honestly sounds like if I lived in Macon, I would be at this for sure. I'd play the kazoo instead of applaud, of course.

Yeah. Is the world record the number of kazoo's or playing a kazoo for five minutes? Cause five minutes is a long time on a kazoo. It's the number of kazoo's that play for five minutes. It's a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. You gotta breathe, right? So not continual.

It's not one note. It's not a circuit breathing. They don't have a bunch of John Coltrane's up there. Sean? That's why I asked. Sean? I don't even know if John Coltrane could circular breathe. I'm getting into jazz, dude.

No, I was going to say that's. Getting real into it. 400 episodes, that's the first Coltrane reference. That's the next 400. It's going to be me talking about Potato Valdez. When you say you're getting into jazz, is that a euphemism for a little belt biting? Riding the horse? Chasing the dragon?

Throwing the saddle on the horse? Trainspotting, perhaps? What a nice way to say it. Well, I've been getting into jazz lately. I'm in there clean, dude. No, this is just me, a record player, and the music of Potato Valdez. What was the other one?

Cady for Daddy? Cady for Daddy. Cady for Daddy shows up today. I just bought an album called Cady for Daddy. I listened to it the other day. It's jazz. Hank Moley. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh, it's jazz. It's jazz. Oh, it's jazz. Hit me up, Addie and Carmel on blues, if you wanna talk about jazz. We're gathered here today though, not to talk about jazz,

but rather to fantasy draft something I have been waiting for us to draft for years now. I honestly can't believe we haven't done it. Very excited about this topic. We are drafting the best voices. We didn't, we haven't. It's so big, it's really difficult. It's really difficult.

We haven't done this before. I think we've talked about doing it before. Okay. I think, unless we have done it before. I didn't check. Normally I check, but I didn't remember any whisper of ever doing this.

So I know we did best talking parts of songs the other day. Or three years ago the other day. But yeah, I don't think we've ever done best voices. But I didn't look normally. I don't think we've done best voice. If we are bound to repeat ourselves at one point. 2020. That's hilarious.

Don't look at the list. Shh, shh, shh, shh. Let's just do it. I'm not, I'm not, we're not, we did it with Katie? I don't know. Voices. With Katie Nolan, Sean Jordan, and David Bord. 2020, the world was falling apart. We did this shit in October of 2020, and you know what?

We're doing it again. Yeah. It's happening again. It had to happen at some point. It's happening again. This is it. I just wanna say that Katie Nolan steals all the best ones. Yeah. Every single idea that I had,

I kinda checked like, have they done this? Katie did it. The one I really wanted to do was- Yeah, she's our sins. Yeah, yes, yes, exactly. It's like, the Simpsons do an episode on this, absolutely. I wanted to do movie titles as nicknames. Oh, man.

And then they're like, nope, you guys just did it like a couple months ago with Katie Nolan Yeah, because my number one pick would have been the glimmer man Swear to God, I wish I was an elite athlete not for the fame or the riches or the glory just so people can What's his nickname the glimmer man? Mm- Dude, that works no matter what it is you do. You could be a dentist. Yeah, it doesn't even have to be a famous athlete, for sure. No. You could be a dentist, and you're like,

I'm going to see The Glimmer Man. You're like, oh, hell yeah. You could be the best sandwich artist at a subway that'd still be cool. Absolutely. Go see The Glimmer Man. Yeah. You want a BMT?

You're like, sir, what can I get for you? Like, no, no, I'm to wait for the Glimmer Man. Yeah. I'm not telling him. Multiple sandwich orders. He's telling me. He looks at you like, yeah, I see a turkey sub in your future. Thank you, Glimmer Man.

I accept. He's shaggy. David's in the background. Glimmer Man, don't hurt him. I'm going to be interested to see. This is actually, this is like, if you're sitting there being like, oh they did that one. First of all, I'm sorry your voice sounds like that.

That's a weird voice to have. You're not gonna make the list. Aw. Second, I think this is a fun experiment because I certainly can't remember anything that happened in 2020, let alone what we drafted. Yeah. I've wanted to do this before about a few of them.

I think it'd be fun to go back and just like, okay, cause not look at what we picked and just see, just see if it's different. I also can't find a list of what we picked because this was after the encyclopedia stopped happening. Yeah, you gotta listen at the end. Yeah. So here's my question.

Would you rather find out that you're Exactly on point without having checked or have a completely different list because this happens to us sometimes on Cinephobe Yeah, where we'll make a joke and then like years later, I'm bored I go back in the catalog and say you know what I want to listen to the fan episode Yeah, Wesley Snipes and and I can't believe that got under 40. You don't have to tell us. That is crazy that that score is that low. So I'm listening to the episode and something happens. Zach says something. And in my mind as a listener, I make a joke randomly. And then I hear my voice come in, make the same exact joke.

And I tell you what, I love that shit. I love that like, hey, pass the mean, fist bump me. Yeah, we're all point, we're on the same page. I still think that's funny. I do this, if I go back and listen to old AFEs, I'm like, I'd say this here, and then I say that there. Yeah. Yeah, it is nice.

Carl Mell is a good one. It's a good one. Yeah. I kind of hope I haven't, I like to think I've grown a lot in the last five years, and I kind of hope I have an entirely new list. I mean- There's hope I haven't I like to think I've grown a lot in the last five years and I kind of hope I have an entirely new list. I mean, there's one I would think I have that would overlap from any time. But other than that, I think it'd be different. There's some big, there's some big, there's like the, we have the Bill Russell of this draft too.

There's the Heaters. But there are like names where you're like, oh that guy, there's like the Michael Jordan of this draft. You know, there's some big Heaters. I don't think my number one is even, well, let's just, we'll get into it. All right, well, let's get into it. The way we determine the order of this draft, it's through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors,

played between the three of you, and we throw on shoot, all right? Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, a mean wins, a rock against two papers, it's an unnatural victory. Flies in the face of God, but he is the winner. As the winner, a mean wins, a rock against two papers. It's an unnatural victory. Flies in the face of God, but he is the winner. As the winner, I mean, it is incumbent upon you

to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, it will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? That's a great question. Oh, all right, yeah. Both of you. It's like how they put the mayo and mustard

on your sandwich at Subway, let's go. Well, not if the Glimmer Man's doing it. The Glimmer Man sprinkles on the mayo and mustard on your sandwich at Subway. Let's go. We're not, the Glimmer Man's doing it. The Glimmer Man sprinkles on the mayo somehow. That comes in different. He puts it on without opening the bread, but it gets in there. Glimmer Man. With a syringe.

Mayo inception. His jazz syringe. He's got a mayo grenade. It goes off in the oven. I know what you do at night with your jazz syringe. Basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now with that in mind, what would the order of today's draft be?

Let's go David to Sean three and Ian you bring up the rear. And you'd like to go first? Go first? Yes, of course. The man's going first. Let me know how's him is going first in the best voices, All Fantasy Everything podcast draft. And we're gonna get to that first pick

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if you listen to it podcast-ly. Sure. Podcast-wise. That makes sense. You got it. We are drafting best voices for the second time. It's the redraft. Amino has the new of the first pick.

So I wanted to go with something that is universal, that everyone accepts. This is a great voice. It's the reason why I picked the number one pick. I wanted to make sure this voice was still on the board. I think we can all get behind this one. It's James Earl Jones. Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah. Darth Vader, Mufasa CNN. Go ahead, you can have any other voice on this list. Just give me James Earl Jones on this list. Wait, who's Mufasa CNN? Oh, he's this character in this movie called The Crying Game. That guy sells toothbrushes down at Times Square.

That guy sells toothbrushes down at Times Square. I do want to meet a guy named Mufasa CNN. I wouldn't mind it. What line of work is Mufasa CNN in? Vlogging. He invented vlogging. He's got a blog. He's an influencer. You might have seen his work getting ready in the morning, sticking his head into a bucket of ice water.

Oh, so that video, have you guys seen that video that's kind of going viral? The dude who wakes up at like 4 a.m. and he keeps putting his head in ice water? I haven't seen it. I heard somebody puts his face in Saratoga. I thought that was a mustache, a real mustache when he woke up.

It's this giant like black thing across his, way bigger than a mustache. And I was like, that can't be. It takes his mouth. It's when you breathe through your nose when you're asleep. I didn't listen to it, I just watched it, which I don't know if better or worse.

He doesn't breathe, he does that to force himself to breathe through his nose? It's the thing, some of these, you know, these like maximalizers, these guys who are like obsessed with just maxing themselves out, they do, because I guess it's better for you to breathe through your nose when you're asleep, but that's why he does it, yeah.

I thought it was to muffle the screams. It's probably to muffle the screams. And to make sure he doesn't eat any spiders in his sleep. You know that stat where they're like wither and eat spiders in your life? Eight a year? It's not eight a year. It is for you.

I put them, Dana lets me in and I put one on your pillow once every other month and then twice in December. Does that work out? It does. That's every other month. I think that's eight a year, isn't it? No, that's seven. That would be seven.

Three in October. Every other month, that's three in October. One, three, five, seven, nine, 11. No. One, three, five, seven, nine, 11, right? January, March, whatever, whatever. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October.

And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, he puts two in October. And then in December, five, seven, nine. 11, no. One, three, five, seven, nine, 11, right? January, March, whatever, whatever. And then in December he puts two.

It's not gonna be on the month of December. Mufasa's CNN just said 9-11. Okay, yeah, coming up, breaking news for Mufasa's CNN. You sleep more in December. This is math. Moonlight gram. Him and Feel the Dreams is great too. Yeah.

Playing like the old, I don't know who he's supposed to be like. The magical Negro. Yeah, yeah, one of me certainly is that, yeah. But I wonder if he's like a stand in for, if he's just kind of, he's not supposed to be like James Baldwin, it's someone else. What's his name in that?

Thomas Mann? What was his? In what, Sandlot? Yeah, Thomas Mann. In a, no, in a Field of Dreams. Field of Dreams, Field of Dreams. Thomas Everyman. In the Glimmer Room, dude.

In Sandlot, is he a real, is he a real, a real fictional retired baseball player in Sandlot? Is that what he is? Or is he just a collector? Author, Terrence Mann. Oh, his name's Terrence Mann? For the Hawks? Who's now on the Clippers?

Oh, he's on the Hawks, he's on the Hawks. Yeah, he's on the Hawks. Take that again, Isaac. Five, four, three, two, one. Isaac ain't here. Terrence Mann, no, I mean, he's on the Hawks. Make it sound like Amin said to Clippers? Don't, two, one. Terrence Mann, no, I mean he's on the Hawks. Make it sound like I mean said to clubbers. Don't do it, Isaac.

There we go, do it. Isaac, you fucking do it. I've asked, I brought this up a bunch. Have you guys ever seen the Vader Chronicles? It's an old YouTube video, but they take all these James Hill Jones sound clips and put them over Darth Vader in Empire or whatever. It is fantastic.

There's this movie where he plays a pimp. I don't know what movie it is, but it's all these snippets of him saying pimp shit. But it's like Darth Vader and I don't, it's so, it's very funny, so watch it. Ak-Jack is who did it. Isaac, cut out that silent pillow there. No, no, no, no.

Fill it with air horns, please. No, keep it in, we gotta feel it. Put some air horns in there. Isaac, make it sound like everyone was really digging that. Oh, if you could put in some crazy different laughter, that'd be pretty tight. Somebody else? Just somebody who's not even on the podcast?

Who's got a famous laugh? Just find one and put that in there. Isaac, put Roseanne cackling in every time Sean talks. Ah, that'd be tight. He... His voice is crazy. I wrote about this in my book, but I do think that Darth Vader is stolen fat guy valor. Oh, because Darth Vader's not a fat guy, but...

Darth Vader should be a fat guy, because there's all these things about Darth Vader that should, that like, are fat guy qualities. He's got a CPAP. he's got a CPAP, his voice is James Earl Jones, he's into magic, he wears a cape sometimes. Yeah, all black all the time. It's very slimmy. Everything about him tells you this would be a fat guy and then they give it to like this skinny British dude

to play him, which is fucked up. That should be a fat dude. There's no reason Darth Vader can't be a fat guy. He's magic, so who cares? Can I elicit some empathy for you? That is true, I wouldn't be a cheat. From you. Yeah.

For the British guy, because that dude did the whole of Star Wars thinking it was his voice. Yeah. He's really like leaning into the lines in the delivery, and then he goes to the premiere and he's like, this is awesome, guys, this is me. Here's my scene, I come in, and he's like, wait a second, that's not my voice.

Yeah, it finds out. That would kill me, you got your girl there? Yeah. Like, yo, your son? Your son's in the audience? Oh. It is. Ha ha ha ha ha.

He just, he has the first clip. Daddy, why do you sound like Mufasa CNN? Yeah. Do you think there's like 10 minutes where he's like, I sound great, is that what I sound like? Yeah, I'm sorry. He's like, shit dude. Should I sound different in the big screen? He's like, I sound great. Is that what I sound like? Should I sound different in the big screen?

He's like, I'm going to, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Yeah. He's got just the greatest voice of all time. And he was in a movie called the bingo long traveling all stars and motor kings. Yeah. That's a great movie. Yeah. Speaking of baseball, David Borey.

Yes. Yes. Brad Baxter. I'll tell you who it's not, fucking Stella. Yeah, Stella. Pipe down, it's not about you. There's nobody even over there. She sees a ghost.

They can see ghosts, man. What? She's looking at one. Stella's looking at a ghost, look at her. Tell me she's not looking at a ghost. I think she's looking at James Brown's mugshot. Anyway. Is that the name of some dead guy that lived in your house? Mufasa CNN and James Brown's mugshot are coming over later.

Yeah. All right, I bring my Kevlar. Man, I got to do my first pick. It's the first one that popped in my head. A voice that I've heard convey all different types of emotion and I enjoy every one. Like he runs the spectrum. And I gotta have a person with a thick accent.

I gotta take Luis Guzman. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's a good one. It's like, he can do anything. When he's he's funny he's hilarious he can be menacing it could be really really sweet Like he does he does it all first round for Luis Guzman. Yeah Oh, yeah, Guzman had Ian I love it. What don't you I love Guzman? I love Guzman too, but you're like a big tell you I watched The count of Monte Cristo the one from the early 2000ss again recently, and Luis Guzman goes crazy in that. I almost said Luis Guzman.

Luis Guzman. I call him Luis Guzman in that movie because he, Luis, goes crazy, dude. He's great. Is he the Count? No. That would be, that's the movie I would like to see, though. I would like that.

You know, Hollywood's a well. It's just about him eating a sandwich. They call it going around to different diners in LA, counting the Monte Cristos that he has. Just counting. That's the counting Monte Cristos. The counting of Monte Cristos. The counting of Monte Cristos.

We've done so many Rocky references on Cinephobe that in my mind, I heard you say the count of Monte Fisto the first couple of times. Oh, yeah. I like that. That's one of Apollo's nicknames, in my mind, I heard you say the count of Monte Fisto the first couple of times. Oh, yeah! I like that. That's one of Apollo's nicknames, right? Yes, it is one of his great nicknames.

The King of Sting. Yeah. The thing about Luis Guzman, true story, whenever I hear the word menacing voice, the word's menacing voice, I think of Luis Guzman. That's what I'm saying. That's a menacing voice. What a great range.

Yeah, because you can't menace. Because then you think about him in like, oh, what's that movie with Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler? Anger Management? Yeah, you think about him in Anger Management. He can also be hilarious. It's like truly, a lot of times I feel like people with interesting voices tend to be like typecast or like they tend to stay in one lane.

He's interesting, but he has the full range. It's like, it's so impressive. Yeah, I got one. True fact. That's one that people always say that doesn't need to be said. Ah, there you go. Getting back to the steel cut oatmeal.

Yeah, yeah, true fact. Oh, you have a pencil. Had you been writing, had you been working that down on a pad? Yeah. Yeah. I got this. This is in charts and diagrams?

Hahaha! Waste paper basket. Like I'm looking for a suspect, a bunch of pictures connected by a shoelace. He threw an ATM machine and like scratched it out. Hahaha! Not everybody says that.

Hahaha! Speaking of Sandler did, like I can't say what it was, but did a very, very funny bit at the Conan O'Brien Mark Twain Prize. And I would tell you what it is and ask Isaac to cut it out, but I don't trust him to have listened to this. No. No, it's something about the Guzmán Festival. Luis Guzmán, full range of emotion.

I'd never want to hear him stop talking. Because he can also just go full goofy. Like, do you remember the HBO show, How to Make It in America? Yes. With the orange laws with jeans? Yes. Yes.

Rasta Monster? Shane would make me sit through that show on the sunniest day. Well, not make me, but I'm like, come on. Make you? That's a good show. Yeah, that was a good show. But you. I need dollars.

I need someone to go outside with. Dollars is what I need. I should watch it again, maybe. I don't think it's on Max anymore. Are you worried that the Lord is gonna hear you? I'm planning to watch new shows. Are you nervous because like, hell takes the boobs out? What's the?

Something's happened in the backyard. I don't know what's going on. Ghosts. Maybe that's what Stella's barking at, dude. Maybe the? Something's happened in the backyard. I don't know what's going on. Ghosts. Maybe that's what Stella's barking at, dude. Maybe it's an entire West Coast event happening. The West Coast Tour, dude. Sean, time for your first pick. Luis Guzman and James Earl Jones are off the board.

Okay. Man, that's a good party. Now, since I know that we did this already, I don't, I think this is, I was gonna wait till later, but I like this one. I'm gonna go Kiefer Sutherland. Interesting. Kiefer? I'm trying to remember Kiefer's voice.

I'm thinking Donald Sutherland a lot. Donald, yeah, I keep just seeing 24. Donald Sutherland's the orange juice commercial guy. Well, Kiefer Sutherland's just got such a smooth, it's just so smooth, Basie Raspi. He, if you've ever seen Home Booth. Was he in Lost Boys? It is Smooth, Basie, and Raspi.

Those were the names of the guys in your, when you did that boy band, right? Everybody, you were, you were, you were, Yeah, and then Jude. We're the C flats. Smooth, Basie, Raspi, and then Chad. Smooth, Basie, Raspi, and Chad, dude. Chad could rent a car.

We're the C flats. The other guys, the other guys got the girls. Chad rented the cars. He had the credit card. Phone booth, has that been on Cinephobe? It has to be under 40% on Rotten Tomatoes. I don't think it qualifies. He narrates the whole thing.

He's like the, it's that Colin Farrell movie where he's just in the phone booth the whole time. If you can believe it. There's a sniper, right? Yeah, Kiefer Southernal is the voice of the sniper. But he's just got such a good honey voice. Absolutely, he's in Lost Voice. 72% on the tomato meter, man.

They can't do that. Phone booth? Yeah. And the fan is under 40. Look, there's this one of the- Make some calls. Why are you just sitting there? Joe Warbiston.

It's one of the great injustices of, of cinephobes, sometimes twins qualifies. Twins with Danny DeVito and Damn. Schwarzenegger. That's a hit. I swore up and down, there's no way that qualifies. It's gotta be in the 90%, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it's as good as a comedy gets. Well, what I learned from that first pick is to stick with what's tried and true for my next four picks. So, but the first one, Kiefer Sutherland, I think Kiefer Sutherland has an amazing voice. Doesn't he also do music? Do you like his singing voice?

He might be in one of those weird LA actor bands, I guess. I bet he is. Yeah, I could see that. Didn't Phone Booth get like pushed because of 9-11 or was it the DC sniper? Something happened. Maybe, yeah, I could see that. I don't know, I didn't know you were so Phone Booth-y.

Yeah, yeah. It was originally due to be released on November 15th of 2002, but the Beltway sniper attacks in DC pushed it to April. You guys understand there are players in the NBA who are not alive for the DC sniper? I don't have to think about that, no. That shit feels like it was yesterday.

That was yesterday, though. That one was yesterday. What year was that? That was yesterday though. That one was yesterday. What year was that? Oh, 2002. 2002, yeah. 2002? 23 years ago. Jeez.

There are like significant players who are younger than that. You say DC sniper Victor Weminyama, he says Jordan Poole's not that good of a shooter. Ah! Basketball jokes, yeah. It never would have happened if William Boniama was alive. I'll tell you that right now. If he was on that plane?

Never would have happened. They would have known that was a gift from God. Kiefer Sutherland. I don't know what his voice sounds like. I mean to bum you guys out. It's a good voice. I can't. Donald has, I know you guys were, you kind of peaked up or perked up at Donald's voice.

Donald's voice sounds a little gross to me, the older that he got. It was like a gross old guy voice. It didn't make me want to wear shoes. He's got a nasal, he's got like a voice that is both nasally and deep. Deep, yeah. Like it feels like it's coming from his sinuses.

But like in a way that I like. You don't like it? No, I didn't like it. I like Kiefer's, I like the Sun's. All right. Kiefer Sutherland. Kiefer S Sutherland the man's name is keefer Sutherland and he is Sean's first pick it is time for my first and second picks I There's some real like hitters on the board I got I have to take one of I do have to take Morgan Freeman I realize yeah, of course

It's gone, David went darker. David hates Morgan Freeman. I understand, but the man is the voice of God. Literally, in some sense. He's probably been the most presidents in movies. That's a good question. Angel Has Fallen, which we had done on Cinephobe, I believe that comes out next week.

He was the president in Deep Impact Yeah, so come out Morgan Freeman Morgan freedom. I mean if there's three movies. He's the president and that's probably the most It's just a beautiful voice. It's got a fun accent in there too that like makes it even a little a touch more interesting I you can't even talk about it. You can't quite place where where's right Mississippi yeah, I guess You can't quite place where where's he from? He's not in Mississippi, right? He's from Mississippi? Mississippi, yeah. I guess. Is that right? Is that because he was in Kiss the Girls?

That was said in Mississippi? He was born in Memphis, Tennessee, and then he was raised in Mississippi. Yeah, you got it. It's just a fun voice. It's a fun voice to try to do. It's a fun voice that he has. It's the ultimate narrator voice. Ultimate narrator voice.

Yeah. Do we know what it sounded like young? The oldest movie I can think of is Stand By Me. Lean on me. Lean on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stand By Me is the Spanish version of Lean on Me, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that the same thing except it's got Lou Diamond Phillips?

Yeah, that was during the Hollywood area. That's in Hollywood. That's the same thing. Hollywood, where they just took regular non-Mexican movies and turned them, tried to make a Mexican version. I love the no nonsense principle turning a troubled high school around. What can I say?

La Bamba. That was originally what. When was the last time they did one of those like turn after like... No, that's gone, man. They don't do that anymore, right? Not since Dangerous Minds. What's the movie gonna be about? All the kids are on their phones? Yeah.

Stop! Put your phone down. Also, school shootings, I think, kind of... Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, cause it's like in the movies, like the teacher just could come in and be like, I'm not from your background and you need to shape up. And they were like, you're right, I should stop gang banging. And now the kid comes back the next day.

What if Luis Guzman comes in and teaches a bunch of incels on a fight? No, not a bat. I said, I tried to do a joke while you were doing a joke. No, what would you say if Luis I saw you trying to do a joke while you were doing a joke. No, what were you saying? If Luis, I would watch Luis Guzman. Luis Guzman comes in and tries to tell a bunch of incels how to fuck so they don't shoot the school up.

And that's the move. Oh, that's fun. Right? Yeah. A modern take on an old classic. Yeah. It's called Dangerous Loins. He comes in.

It also has a great soundtrack. Yeah, it's good. Coolio's back. There's a lot of unruly Coolio tracks. That's the ghost that's behind David. Yeah, if it was Coolio, he heard us talking about. Yeah, he's in, by the way. He signed David. Yeah, it was cool. Oh, you're just talking about yeah, he's in by the way He signed on he's in

Yeah, man Morgan Freeman, that's my first Favorite is it because like when I think of Morgan Freeman, it sounds weird But it's like the one sentence I always think of is uh, I would love to say Andy fought the good fight. Yeah, dude. I was gonna say the same. I'd love to tell you. I'd love to tell you. That's a crazy, that's a crazy.

I know, it's fucked up. I swear to God, it's mine too. I was about to say the same thing. That was on yesterday. I'd love to tell you. I'd like to tell you. I think it was as a kid that was maybe the scariest film, like, seen in a movie I had seen.

Yeah. It's how you knew you never was up at present. Yup. Where the sisters just working. They were like, how do we tell you he got... But he's like fighting him back with a broom. Yeah. And then Morgan Freeman is so calmly saying that this man was assaulted over and over again.

How do we make sure this still airs on TNT even though it has a prison rape scene in it? They're like, well, just have Morgan Freeman explain that it happened. And they're like, oh, okay, great. He makes every pill easier to swallow. I also, I lost the idea that his character is saying to us, the viewers, I know it looks like he wins this fight. Yeah.

No, no, no. Yeah. This is, it's still prison. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Don't let your ass deceive you. Um, that's the one, that's the one for me too. I mean, March of the Penguins, real fun, you know.

Great second, great second. Guys got range. Um, for my second, speaking of seconds, for my second pick, I gotta take a guy we were talking, no, you know what, I won't, I won't. I'll save that for later. I'm gonna take Holly fucking Hunter. Oh, yeah.

Somebody I'm pretty sure we didn't talk about last time, but someone whose voice is so, just good and has so much character in it. And has so much, like, honey in it. It's like, it's funny. It can be serious, but it's like sexy too. Like, she's got a sexy voice, comforting. She can do everything with it. It's great. Question. Did she always have that weird lisp?

Because I used to like Holly Hunter's voice, and then I watched The Incredibles 2, and she has this lisp, and you can't give everything she says, and then I'm like, was that always there? It's gotten more pronounced. It's more pronounced, yeah, the older. Is that, does that happen?

I think so. I think the more you, like the less you start caring, maybe things like that come out a little more. If she's not trying to avoid it. I'm sure it's always been there. Just cutting a check for Incredibles 2. In broadcast news, she doesn't have it quite so bad. It doesn't bother me, just to be clear,

like even in the Incredibles, but like it's not as bad in like broadcast news or Raising Arizona or like any of that stuff. I just think it's a great voice. I wish she was in more stuff, personally, but I'm a feminist. Yeah, you are, Ally, one of the good ones. Yeah, I'm an ally, I'm a good guy.

No, I just love Holly Hunter's voice. Yeah, Holly Hunter's got a great voice. I'm trying to, what am I, the big sick, right? She's the mom of the big sick. I'm trying to think of other stuff she was up in. But yeah, Holly Hunter rules, man. She's from Conyers, Georgia. Married to Kevin Bacon.

She was married, she used to be married to Janusz Kowinski. She wasn't married to Kevin Bacon, dude. You're thinking of The Closer. Kira Sedgwick. Yeah, Kira Sedgwick. Darn, the Closer. You called her The Closer. Yeah.

It's a long, illustrious career. Nope, it's that TNT show that airs after the games are over. Oh, that's why everybody, men of a certain age know her as the closer and almost exclusively. I know what I don't stay tuned for. It's the closer. Yeah, Kira Sedgwick, man. Not her though. Holly Hunter. Holly Hunter. Yeah, no, that's great. Sean Jordan, time for your second pick. Okay, I'm gonna get back on the horse here. I like her a lot.

Sean Jordan, time for your second pick. Okay, I'm gonna get back on the horse here. I'm gonna go David Attenborough. All right. Yeah, that's a great one. One take Davey. Is he one take Davey? I mean, that shit always, yeah, when he goes into read, he just does one take and then he does pickups

for whatever, but he'll just do the whole he just does one take and then he does pickups for whatever, but he'll just do the whole thing straight. Are you serious? Yeah. That's what? You got Sir David Attenborough doing multiple takes? Oh, hold on guys, let me do that one again? No.

That's how I thought it was, yeah. You're thinking of doing a script? The blue-footed blue! Ha ha ha! The blue-footed blue! Ha ha ha! Turn down my game! My game! Boo-Boo-Bees? These birds are called Boo-Bees?

I would love to hear his outtake. What the fuck is a booby? Somebody give me a swisher. I studied at a conservatory! Somebody give me a swisher. I studied at the conservatory. I refuse to say booby. That armadillo just got smoked by that condor. My brother was in Jurassic Park.

Yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I thought the dinosaurs were real. Do I have time for a ciggy? For some reason he smokes cigarettes. Let me step out real quick. If I don't blast off a doogan in the next 35 seconds, I'm going to be narrating something far different. I just realized I don't know what he looks like at all. He looks like his brother. He looks like his brother, right? Yeah.

His brother Jeff Goldblum, who's in Jurassic Park. David Goldblum. Yeah, he looks exactly like I, yeah, like you thought. He's got a, he just looks like old dude, right? Yeah. He just looks like an old dude? Yeah. Could be an old woman.

Kind of goes both ways. He doesn't have the beard. He doesn't have the same beard as as uh, As his brother. I didn't pick him with a beard. At least in that one movie. Kinder eyes too. He's a uh, big director, you know that right? Or do you not know that? David Attenborough? Or is Richard Attenborough the big director? One of them's a director. Okay, his brother's a director. Yeah, there's another one. Richard. Richard's the big director. It would suck to be the third one. Mike. Mike Attenborough. Mikey.

Yeah. So no, David. And then there's just one brother works at like Trader Joe's. David was a biologist, natural historian and writer. Richard directed a bunch of movies. Okay. I wonder what his voice sounds like. Richard was a dumb one.

There is a Michael. Oh, it's a like. Which is a dumb one. There is a Michael! Oh, it's a nephew. A Michael Attenborough. Got a little, a little incisive bit. Got a little incisive bit. And he works at Trader Joe's. Yeah. He's a stage director.

God damn it. And a Trader Joe's employee. There it is, Benny's, baby. He's got those Bennys. Sir Richard Attenborough. All right, yeah, David Attenborough. Yeah, David Attenborough. Got him. Went somewhere. Do you have time for your second pick?

Hmm... Alright, number two, I- Listen, man, I picked this specifically because of singing, but I think it translates to her speaking voice. This is a voice outside of time. This is a voice of someone that quite frankly sounds magic to me. Like she sounds like she could know magic. I take Erika Badu. I don't know if I know her speaking voice. It's a little higher. It's amazing. It's amazing. She is a beautiful, it's like a wise voice like from a different time. Yes. It's like it's so I could hear

her talk all like you always wish she acted more her voice is so good. What is she acting in? She was in no not the fucking I always think she was in that Pirates of the Caribbean movie. No. Oh no, oh no. We got, me and my girl actually caught into a large fight about it. You're in the front yard. I'm telling you. She killed it inside her house rules though. She was Delroy Lindo's daughter, she killed it inside her house rules.

She was nominated for a SAG award, oh for the whole cast, but still that's her Yeah, she went crazy in that one. Yeah, you were saying you were gonna start dressing like Erica Badu right David. I probably said that That was last time we did this Thinking in October 2020 Commit to being a witch and then and then Cam Newton heard your podcast, he said. Yep. And then he took it and ran with it. Not the first time he's bit my shit, by the way. Is the person who dresses the most like Erika Badu who's not Erika Badu is Cam Newton? Yeah, yeah, that's...

It's Cam Newton, Erika Badu, and Steven Tyler, and they run into each other. That's a party. That is a Newton. Yeah, yeah, that's. It's Cam Newton, Erika Badu, and Steven Tyler. And they run into each other. That's a party. That is a party. They're all at the scarf store that we don't know is there. They're all at the big, the hat man scarf store. There's some store, MacArthur Park,

they just run into each other all the time. MacArthur Park. MacArthur Park, dude. But also, truthfully, listen to an Erika Badu Yeah, there's this one she does with this great guy from Dallas She's just like it's fun. She also has a voice where it's like it conveys all this stuff Or or you can go listen to a CinePobe episode 95 what men want She stars as the I guess medicine woman in that movie No, that's what women want She stars as the, I guess, medicine woman in that movie. That makes sense. Hey, Erika, we have another script for you that says...

No, that's what women want. Oh, which one's what, man? Is that Kiki Pardue? It's the same concept. Taraji P. Henson. Yes! Man. You think Erika Bhanu gets sick of getting scripts that say medicine woman? She's just like, I don't want to get typecast.

I think she gets one that's like Diane. She's like, oh,'m shaman. I don't want to get typecast. I think she gets one that's like Diane. She's like, oh, OK, here we go. And she flips a few pages. She's like, Diane pulls out her sage. Diane goes, damn it. Diane goes to her alchemy chest. God damn it.

Honestly, you wear hats that tall, you know what it comes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a look. No, she's the best. I. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a look. No, she's the best. I do really love her speaking voice though. Her music is some of the greatest. Really, I think even though she is very well known,

I think still underrated. Baduism. I mean And then the other one with a big mama's gun guy, but ism is great. What's the one with? fucking When we were cool, Oh, that song with Common? No, I'm thinking of Love Your My Life. Back in the day when they were cool. Wow, wow, wow.

That song. I'd like to see you at dinner with Eric about you and Common and tell them they're not cool anymore. Film the dinner. One man with each other. Film the dinner. So is it just the three of them or is it a big dinner? Just the three of them. Private restaurant.

When we were in DC, we went out for like, we had like an hour and a half to go eat and me and Sean O'Connor, Lauren Greenberg and this guy Rob Zappala, who's our writer's assistant, we went to dinner at this place in DC and the people next to us were having the tensest fight and the tables were so close. Just a couple?

Just a couple. Like, old, like, in their... That's tough. Like, in their 70s, like, tense. Is it too late to do a draft of people we want to sit next to in a restaurant while they're having a tense argument? Because that is... I love that. My picks are the same. It's more...

It's more good for you than Holly Hunter. Yeah. What other shades? That is I love that my Like yeah, everybody works it's called the job, okay They reach for the same pair of stud earrings and a hoop earrings They reach for the same pair of stud earrings and a hoop earrings He's got that sneaky one in there he always throws in when he's doing interviews That's how you know he's a cool grandpa Don't look at any other grandpa stuff he's done. No don't look at any of the other Mean time for your second and third picks

All right, so my second pick is where I go a little bit off the board. And I'm going with sick voice. You know when you're sick and your voice gets a little deep? Oh! Yeah, when you're like, okay. So everybody's awful. Why couldn't I always be this sexy? I feel awful, but I sound amazing.

Yeah. You're like, hello. And they're like, what's wrong? And I'm like, I'm a little under the weather. And you're thinking to yourself, man, I hope I never lose this. And then you lose it. Also, if you get killed by an assassin

and then somebody calls you and they pick up your phone, sick voices are how I imagine the assassin would sound. That's right. It means not around anymore. He's not even here. 24 hours. Actually, he had 24 hours. He passed, that's why I had to kill this person.

Now he's dead. He had had 24 hours. I just want you to know, I'm a fair assassin. He had had 24 hours. They passed, that's why I had to kill this person. Now he's dead. He had had 24 hours. I just want you to know I'm a fair assassin. He had had 24 hours. This is very closely related to I called my mom at 4 a.m. voice. Mm. Wait, what?

What did your mom call you at 4 a.m.? When your mom wakes up and she's been asleep. No, no, no, we're just like, or you go in to wake your mom up and she's like, hello. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. I just like oh, oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sleepy mom voice sleepy mom voice Yeah, I love sick voice. Damn. Yeah, I always hope that like I can keep a little bit of it. I know That's the dream that you never recover the voice part, right? You're fine, but the voice stays sick Do you guys all like your voices?

That's okay. I don't really think about it. Mine is all over the place I've I've used it to make myself some money. So yeah, I'm good with it. Yeah, you have a great voice David You would be eligible in this draft. I think yeah, you and Isaac are both eligible I hate my voice more than I think I could. I think it's the most I could. What don't you like? What don't you like, yeah? It's nasally, it's nasally.

So I always, to the point is I always wanna hold on to some of that sick voice, because I'm like, oh, it sounds more assertive or something. I don't know when I need to be assertive. Have you ever tried speaking more from your diaphragm and just keeping it down there? Yeah, let me try it. Yeah, give it out, Give it out from the chest.

What should I say? Uh... Say, uh... That's up to you. What's in your heart? Yeah. What's in your chest? Pour milk all over me. Don't say that. That's not your diaphragm either.

What the fuck? What's your dick? I like to eat cereal with lotion. No, that's... You're constricting your throat to talk like that, I'm saying. You're also not taking the exercise seriously, Sean. You're insulting me. All right, so what do I do for real? I go like this. You diaphragm, just like that.

Try to pull your voice from your diaphragm. Talk like Keith David. I feel like I'm doing, I feel like I'm doing a bit when I do that, like from down there. Talk like Mufasa Sinan. From down there. I feel it coming from down there. Say the boys and berries were more than adequate Say the boys and berries were more than adequate.

The boys and berries were more than adequate. See, that's good. That's pretty good, man. Come on. That's really good. Come on, that's going from you. You kind of went off on that. If I had to talk like that all the time,

oh, I feel like I had to puke. I tingled. Yeah, just start slowly. Now it's worth it. Just start talking to Max like that. He had swimming today. Max has never heard me talk. I'm saving that for her 12th birthday.

You love the nunchucks, do the talking. Oh man, I went in the garage and had another little glow nunchuck session the other day. Shit is so fun, man. You're all the best dad workout plan anyone's ever been on. It lights up the whole garage. It's so sick. It's like pitch black in there and then I turn them on. It's like a lightsaber lighting up Darth Vader.

It's so sick. Who should be fat. I heard that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, some cheesedick was talking about it earlier. The boys and berries. I don't know, I'm not gonna respond to that. The boys and berries were more than adequate.

I don't know where I got cheesedick from. The boys and berries were more than adequate. The boys and berries were more than adequate. The boys and berries were more than adequate. The boys and the berries or the boys and berries? See, now you're already doing it casually. Yeah, yeah. Keep it down there for the rest of the pod. See how it feels. Yeah, see if you can do it.

You don't want that. Nothing else funny will come out. That was funny. If I've said anything funny thus far. Sick voice and your third pick of me. And third pick is, look, I like this actress. I knew I liked her. I didn't know why I liked her.

Like she's all right. She's, you know, acting wise, she's all right. Looks wise, she's more than all right. But I just didn't know why I liked her. And then I watched the movie Her and I realized, oh, it's her voice. Scarlett Johansson. Yeah. I love her voice. I liked her. And then I watched the movie Her, and I realized, oh, it's her voice. Scarlett Johansson. I love her voice.

I love her voice, man. Ever since I saw that movie, I was like, that's why. And she can do no wrong. Just talk. You know what her voice is? Dusky. Right? Ooh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She's got that like, we've been at it's 3 a.m. 7.45 p.m. There it is, yeah. 7.45, Dusky, 7.45, but her voice is like, she'll stay out late with you. She'll have a cigarette and some whiskey.

There's a little dark liquor corroded the vocal cords, maybe a little sandpaper in there. Well then my voice should be pretty corroded by now. Yeah, that's the crazy thing. J Mo did not give your voice back. No, neither that nor an Irish accent. To be fair, to to be fair have any of Us known Sean before he started drinking. I've seen video

Sound like it's he sounded like he said he does how he does he said hey, so I get my sister Really Isaac's not gonna love this but let me see if I go Midwest Let me see if I can play it for you. Hold on. He says my name is Sean Jordan. I've been shredding for about 15 months I think I think you're muted. You you gotta do is you gotta turn on, excuse me, original sound for musicians. I don't wanna, I'll mess the whole thing up. But anyway, there's a video where I sound real young

and Midwestern and I sent it to David the other day. I sent it to you too, Andy, did you watch it? I did not, was it this weekend? Cause I was like. Might have been. Anyway, I sound like a. He doesn't check your texts. Like a door, I don't know.

I have him on ignore. That's all Anyway, I sound like a... He doesn't check your texts. Like a door, I don't know, I have him on ignore. That's all right, I'll take it, man. I'm just happy we're friends, but I love you to pieces. I text Sean whenever I text, I accidentally text Sean whenever I try to text any other Sean on my phone. That's how much I love Sean. Yeah, it rules. I hate it when that happens.

I had somebody's, I had Mandel's number confused with somebody the other day and had a really weird exchange. Which they're already pretty buck with him anyways. So especially if you think he's someone else, then you're all over the place. BK Charade, I was like, what are you talking about, dude? Dan Lebatard has a Mexican restaurant

that he really likes to order from, and he knows the manager, so he just texts her, hey, we're looking to get this catered or whatever. Her name is Stephanie, and one time he texted his order to Stephen A. Smith instead. That's hilarious. Yeah. Like, he was just like, hey.

Is that Stephen A. Smith for a bunch of flautas? Dude, I, uh. Jimmy Chongas! My old buddy, his name's Nick Cantone. I don't know if he still does stand up, but you shout out Nick, but I was dating a girl called Nicole, sorry, she told me never to say her name, but we're gonna have to get a pertin you shout out Nick. But I was dating a girl called Nicole. Sorry, she told me never say her name,

but we're never gonna get a pertinence to the story. But I texted. I accidentally. She told you never say her name again? Did she tell you again? When was the last time she did that? No, no, no, it's been years, it's been years. Oh, man.

That's your limitations? I accidentally texted him. I was sitting at work one day and I was like, man, I miss you so much, baby, I can't wait to come see you this weekend. And he just hits me back and he's like, what? Like, oh, sorry bud. That's supposed to be. Better than just hits me back, he's like, what? Sorry, bud. That was supposed to be...

Better than a double-dame than me. Then I lied to him. I said, sorry, that was supposed to go to Nicole, not you. Oh, then you lied to him. I see, that's funny. That's a funny turn. You did a funny turn there. Yeah, it was good.

Thank you, I appreciate it. There he is. There we go. Scarlett Johansson's voice is great. That last Wes Anderson movie was real good where she played that sort of depressed actor. I haven't seen Asteroid City. Is there a new, oh, there's a newer one.

Whatever, it's not what we're talking about. No, I haven't seen Asteroid City. It's coming out. While you're contemplating who has the best voice, think about adding some sizzle to your kitchen routine. Graza offers vibrant, single-origin olive oil from Spain with no mystery blends. Perfect for everything from roasting to marinating to make your dishes sing. Their unique squeeze bottles mean zero mess when you're in a rush to fry or crisp your

morning bacon. Go to graza.co and use the code EVO for 10% off a trio, including sizzle, frizzle, and drizzle. Elevate your meals with Grazza's extra virgin freshness today. David, time for your third pick. Okay, Luis Guzman and Kebadi. You've got Luis Guzman, Eric Kebadi. I think that next...

I wanna cover, like, all the kinds, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like... I'm going for the South of London. Yeah, there's the Keeper's South of London. It's just too bad Kiefer's gone. I know, that's the hardest... He's truly one of a kind.

That's the hardest part for me. The internet will support me on this. I gotta take Jon Benjamin. Oh, nice, dude. Yeah, man, he could... part for me. The internet will support me on this. I gotta take John Benjamin. Oh Nice dude. Yeah, man. He could it's so It's just so funny. It really is just so funny Bob'sburgers all the way back to like what was it home movies? Home movies. He was the coach. Fuck he was so funny. Mm-hmm. It's just it's just so it's like

It's kind of it's like it's only his but it's just so fun His doesn't have the range as much as I think I think it's like mainly a hilarious voice Archer isn't he Archer Archer down as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah John Benjamin had a van if you guys ever watched he's an American a wet-hot American summer, right? Is he the is he the can of food? Am I in am I crazy? Am I making that I can the can of corn? He's the can of corn, right? That's him. He talks about Beans off a lot. Yeah Yeah, have you ever seen and and Bob and Bob's burgers famously? Yeah, he doesn't it's one of those

He just doesn't look like his voice at all like the least looks No, that's another funny thing about him. He doesn't, it's one of those, he just doesn't look like his voice at all. Like the least looks like his voice. No, that's the other funny thing about him. He doesn't look like that. That was an idea. He looks like slight, you know what I mean? Yeah, someone, that was a draft we thought of a while back, like people who don't look like their voice.

He's a real trick and summer. Episode 49, a Cynophobe, check it out. That's fucked up. That is criminal. They should go redo... Does Rotten Tomatoes ever go in and revisit the reviews, maybe, and be like, we were wrong about this? No, because it's an aggregate. Yeah, they don't review anything.

They're just aggregating all the reviews that have happened. So what happens sometimes is some movies... I thought that's what the popcorn score was. The popcorn is the people. That's the audience score. Oh, so they're combining critics. Oh, I didn't know that. Two different scores. I bet Wet Hot on Rotten Tomatoes has like a high popcorn score.

You were Wet Hot on Rotten Tomatoes about a month ago, weren't you? Is that why you had to poop last week? I never stop being Wet Hot on Rotten Tomatoes, dude. Yeah, 39, 75 is a split. Oh, that's 75. For the popcorn who the fuck is on there giving it? Rotten on the popcorn. I don't know show yourself and I'll break your neck dude. Don't do it. I've seen him Well, you may want to listen to that episode of CITIPHOBE because you might find

You might find a couple of people. Who? You? Hey, I'm not gonna give it away. Just go ahead and listen to that episode. Wait, now you guys are there. I've honestly, I've only seen it like twice. I don't even remember most of this.

You guys have this conversation next to me at a restaurant, you're gonna be on my list of people I wanna listen to have a fight at a restaurant. Oh, that would be fun. Oh, very good, yeah. I wish they were fucking debating Wet Hot. They were like talking about his drinking. It was the most damn. Oh, that's like a I wish they were fucking debating Wet Hot. They were like talking about his drinking. It was the most damn,

that's the real one. Did he have a drink? Well, like we kind of, the only core, the only core actual issue I can identify was that he had ordered an extra glass of wine. And then they spent the entirety of the dinner just being like,

actually you're the one who needs to look at yourself. Like, no, you're the one who needs to look at like, oh, I don't need to change, I'm good. Like back and forth, like, actually, you're the one who needs to look at yourself. Like, no, you're the one who needs to look at, like, oh, I don't need to change, I'm good. Like, back and forth, like, and then long silences in between. It was the kind of thing where, like, the other people at my table were talking, but I could not.

Yeah. How did you eavesdrop? Like, show us right now. We're the other couple. That's good, that's good. They were like, I mean, like, if I'm here on my screen, they were like closer than that. Oh, like New York style. Like a New York restaurant. It was like, you were right, I mean, like, if I'm here on my screen, they were like closer than that.

Oh, like New York style. Like a New York restaurant. It was like, you were right on top of each other. Like, I would have had to excuse. And so, did you lean? I didn't have to, dude. I did not have to. Did they give a shit that you were there?

Because that's always the best one. They're like, they don't care one bit how close I am to them. They were like, it was, they were speaking at normal volume. I think they were both, like, had had a few drinks. Which was weird. Clearly, clearly he has. He had.

Yeah, yeah. He's got a problem. They got up and left, thank God. Like, they ordered their food. Well, they were eating their dessert, a souffle came, and like, they were obviously supposed to share it, and he just didn't. He was like, no, I'm fine.

Yes! Just ate it like a drunk guy. Give me the whole souffle right now. So was like, no, I'm fine. I don't want any. Just ate it like a drunk guy. Give me the whole souffle right now. So then she, no, she ate. She just ate the whole souffle. Because he was like, I don't need any. If I can't have wine, I don't want a souffle. But the other people at your table

were not involved in eavesdropping? They were. So there were only three of us. Lauren Greenberg showed up after they had left, and she had the other seat closest to them So the other two guys I was with I think didn't really Lock in as much as I did Like involve you in their conversation in any way that I was so close to getting involved

It was like who side no tense No, nobody's I was on peace. I just wanted to look at him. I'm like, hey guys life is too short for this You guys are all You're no fun Yes, I was gonna say the waiter comes over it's from the gentleman sitting right next to you staring at you More where that came from buddy. Sean, it's time for your pick. It's H. Sean Benjamin off the board. Okay. Man, I want to make some weird moves.

Then do it bro. Alright, Shaggy. You ever heard Shaggy talk? What Shaggy? The speaking Shaggy. Not Ruby Roo. No, no, no, Shaggy the rapper, the singer. I've spoken heard Shaggy talk? What? What Shaggy? The speaking Shaggy. Not Ruby Roo. No, no, no, no.

Shaggy the rapper, the singer. I've spoken to Shaggy. Jeez. You talked to that guy? Yes. He's one of my good friends. He was at dinner with you. You never told me you talked to Shaggy.

He filled the place in my life that you left when you moved back to Portland, man. Yeah, Shaggy slid right in there place in my life that you left when you moved back to Portland, man. Yeah, Shaggy slid right in there. Stop it. Isaac, cut that out. You never talk to Shaggy. Yes, I have.

What's his real name? I don't know. He talked to Shaggy. It was on set. It was for the Late Late Show. It was for the Grammys, actually. He's got a good, he's got an amazing voice, doesn't he? He's like, like Zoinks, Ian.

You want some of these Scooby Snacks? Ian's got something up his sleeve. He's got a good voice. He's got a good voice. He's got a good voice. He's got a good voice. He's got a good voice. He's got a good voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice.

He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice.

He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice.

He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's got a great voice. He's all time great voices. Yeah, you're right. Shaggy's just got a good smooth voice. It's so different than what you think it's gonna be too, which is interesting to me.

Just relax it. No, yeah. Zero. Because what I want is a romantic, fantastic lover. Yeah, if he just said all the lyrics, that'd be a funny one. If he just says I'm like a gentleman, mm, they call me Mr. Lover Lover.

I mean, that's what it sounds like. It just sounds bassy, inviting, nice. I just enjoy Shaggy's voice. Your list is wild. Your list is, if I walked into a bar and I saw your list, nobody would believe me. Wait till I finish it. I'm not gonna hang on in the middle of the table.

I'm in the bathroom like, no, Alana, I swear to God, it's Shaggy, keep her son away, David Han, bro. I'm not fucking drunk. And then we're shot. And there's a velvet rope around and they won't let me in. I'm like, I made it, I put the dinner together. What are you guys doing? Yeah, now I'm picturing my five voices at dinner together

and I'm gonna make them, it's gonna be a fun little dinner, but yeah. What are those three talking about? Poof. I don't know. Politics. Pop-a-zum. Pop-a-zum. Pop-a-zum.

Pop-a-zum. Brexit. Shaggy's weirdly into tariffs. Isn't he an engineer by trade? I thought he was in the Navy. Yeah, he's an electrical engineer or something like that. They've had a weekly Texas Hold'em game ever since Rounders came out.

So yeah, they see each other a lot. Oh, that's so funny. All right. Shaggy. Orville Richard Burrell. That's his name, Orville? Yeah, yeah. Shagford wasn't that far off. Orville. Orville Shagford. And then Shagford. Orville to an Orson with my third pick, because I'm taking the boy Orson Welles, dude.

Yeah, that's a good one. Orson Welles, especially the older he got when his voice was kind of like this. But yeah. Almasan. Almasan. His voice is just, whatever weird mid-Atlantic accent he was doing too, phenomenal. Yeah, that's a good one.

Whatever his voice was, he just had, Unicron in the Transformers movie, by the way. Really? The old animated, the first Transformers movie? The old one, yeah. Interesting, interesting. Sean, when you finish Citizen Kane, you'll really feel me on this one.

Man, I know. I know. I like it, it's a good movie. I started liking it. I just, it's crazy. It's not, it feels like I don't watch it when it's nice out though. I gotta wait till fall.

I'm sorry, I thought you were gonna say, when you finish Citizen Kane, make sure you watch Transformers the movie. Because it's a spiritual successor. Sean, once you, it's kind of two in a series. It's a series of two, those two. Bawi grawa, Bawah, oh, Bawah, I used to know it. Bawi grawa ninibam.

That's taken from Citizen Kane. It's one of the headlines. And then You Got the Touch. What's the Transformers song from Bougainville? Which one of those? That one? You got the power! You got the power! Do do do do do do do do. Dude, let me tell you something.

Let me tell you real quick while we're on Transformers, man. That movie, I tried to go back and watch it with my kids. Like guys, Transformers, this is a show we watched in the 80s. It was like the coolest thing ever. So let's watch the show. Yeah. I don't know like Storytelling didn't exist prior to like 1995 because yo, they didn't give a shit about kids

Seeing some of these things like I tried to truck it's a guy. It's a truck. It's a guy buy the fucking toys Well, I gotta tell you a story about it Pretty much your kids get into it at all or were they like, nah, this is... It doesn't compare. They looked at me like I was a weirdo. Like how can you like this? How old are you kids? 14 and 11.

Okay. So. Okay. They probably, I might have missed the window. I thought the 11 year olds would like it, but they were like... By the time I was 14, you could miss me with 30, 30 workers, I'll tell you that. Yeah, you were taking baths in the morning.

Yeah, I tried showing Maxine. You're coming to me complaining about the story. This guy turns into a gun, okay? He turns into a gun, all right? He's a guy. It was all I needed though. That was all I needed. It makes a noise. There's a guy. It was all I needed though. That was all I needed. It makes a noise.

There's a guy. It makes a cruel noise. Then he's a fucking gun. And you want me to fucking save the cat in this piece of shit? You want a three act structure? You want me to establish stakes, raise the stakes, and then solve the stakes?

He's a fucking gun! I've never heard Peshian before. I've never heard that, man. I've known you for a long time. Now I need to apologize for interrupting you talking about Max twice to do a bit that really had diminishing returns. I think it'll pay off in the long run.

Sorry. I think it'll pay off in the long run. So I'll do it again later. I'll do it again. There's one diminishing. Well, there's probably not. I don't know. Maybe a third time?

Maybe. Maybe host the podcast like that. I'd probably give you 500 bucks if you do a two hour episode like that. Would you? And you need it. I've been talking to Dana. That's a crazy group chat.

Shutting Dana on Ian's finances. Shut it down on your finances. Listen, we were all, everyone in the market took a little bit of a bath recently. It's not just me. It's been a tough year. It's been a tough year. It's been a tough year. A morning bath, all of us.

What were you going to say about Maxine? I tried showing at Thundercats and she could not have been less. She could not have cared less. It might as well not have been a cartoon. Yeah, that's, yeah. It doesn't compete with PJ Masks and whatever she's watching.

Dude, we were just entertained by like sounds and sights. Like there was nothing to actually capture us other than guy had a sword and that was it. Yeah even you look back at our movies too our movies were like that where it's just like I thought Three Ninjas was like an incredible plot. Is it not? No. Oh no. This guy's wearing a loincloth alright he's got the head of a lion he's wearing a loincloth and you come to me with your hands out. The loin king. The loin, oh, the loin king? Move out to CNN.

Is that the boot, is that the Guzman reboot? I'm mixing my bits. That's the loin, that's dangerous loins. You're saying dangerous loins. He could be the loin king. That's what that was. He could be the loin king. Well, it's in Wales.

And then, I'm gonna go ahead and go Ed Orgeron, the raging cage in himself. Oh, my God. That's a voice. Now, there are gonna be listeners who are like, who's Ed Orgeron? There's a participator who thinks, who's asking it. I promise you, if I explain it to you,

he sounds like a swamp monster. I do know this guy. It sounds like he came out of the bayou. Oh, oh, oh. It sounds like he came out of the bayou. Oh, oh, oh. It sounds like it comes out of that head. Yeah, yeah. His voice sounds like he looks.

That's exactly right. Yeah. Former Louisiana State University football coach, Ed Orgeron, that is my pick. The man is a, he sounds like a cage in garbage disposal. Yes, in a good way. In the best way possible. He rules, his voice is amazing.

I can listen to him talk about anything. But listening to him scream about football is maybe the best, and there's plenty of audio of it. Check it out. Come see us live in New Orleans and do your best impersonation. I will. You know I will be all weekend.

I'll do a full pick and' in Ed Orgeron voice. I'll study up. When do you have to remind me though? I'll remind you. Ed Orgeron drinks nine Red Bulls a day by the way, if you wanna know how to get a voice like that. Are you serious? Is that true?

That's a true story. Full sugar? Nine Red Bulls, yep. God! He calls it his rocket fuel. Jeez. He's right. I mean, yeah, I don't know.

Boy, I wonder what would happen if I drank nine Red Bulls today. I don't know if I'd get there. Nothing good, dude. I think I'd get there. You guys remember when Panera Bread had like those, the lemonades with some like, some torii in it?

Some dude didn't make it. It killed the guy, right? It killed the guy and everyone was like they got to take it off the market I was like, are you shitting me? Yeah now I want to try it like The best marketing ever they should have doubled down on it. They should have been works for drugs Yeah, yeah, I remember for loco when it had the loco in it still you couldn't you couldn't get him. I loved him They were a time though. Yeah That inspired that was hit. That and Sparks, that was-

I feel like we all hit our like, Four Loco cap pretty quick. You know what I'm saying? Sparks were designed to look like batteries. I mean, that's just wild, creeping deep in your mental. Diarrhea in a can. The thing about like, hearing someone overdosing, whatever, then be like,

oh my God, pass that shit over here, was of course memorialized perfectly. And don't be a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood. Remember, takes a hit in the guy's fulmin' mouth and dies, and they're like, pass that shit over here. Which by the way, episode 176 of Cinephobe.

Oh, dude, I love that. My milk of magnesia. Get over here, my porcelain princess. We're cutting out all the references to Cinephobe, by the way, just so you're aware of that. That's the first thing that's going, bro. We're gonna make it sound like you're referencing old episodes of all fantasy, everything.

Dude, don't be a man, I'm doing it. Anyway. Um, we're not. That was just a little joke. We love you guys. I took it seriously. You show it. You show it.

Just a little. Just a little. You just shut his computer. Just one of my showed it. Just a little... Just one of my little jokes. Just one of my little jokes, dude. My man with the fresh step. Uh oh, big checks. Big checks, catches, dives. Not a lot of shorts down there.

Not a lot of shorts down there. I'm going to the gym after this, bro. Sean Jordan. Time for your fourth pick. Jennifer Tilly. Oh, I love her. Love her voice. That's another one. That's a good one, dude.

Interesting voice. Yeah. If you could ask me to do anything, I'd do it. Liar, liar. Obviously, George. Oh, yeah. Who am I? Liar, liar.

That shit stuck in my head in a way, in my development of certain aspects of myself. Her voice is nuts, dude. She's in this old, this old cut, the getaway, I think, with Alec Baldwin and Michael Madsen, the young Jennifer Tilly. She's also Joe's wife and family guy for, if you guys aren't film buffs.

But these crazy- Her, it's that sort of scratchy, gravelly voice. She's 66. She looks amazing. She looks amazing. She's also in, I think, Poison Ivy, it's funny how I just know exactly what, but isn't she's in a Poison Ivy, I believe,

or something of that ilk. David, Liar Liar was the movie that taught me that a prenup is not ironclad. Yes! Yes! There are ways to get around a prenup, apparently. That's what I took away from that movie. Not that lying is bad. No, no, no. It's like you gotta protect yourself out here.

From the tillies of the world. She could take all my money. I don't care. Yeah. Her sister's an actor too. Meg Tilley. That's right. Meg Tilley? There's two Tillys. Megan the Tilly?

Megan the Tilly. Megan V. Tilley. All right. Yeah, Jennifer Tilley. Great. I see. Scratchy but higher. So I wouldn't call it dusky. Donnie?

Donnie. Donnie? Donnie? It sounds like a video lottery-ish, you know? Sure, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Like a VidLot, daytime, no windows, casino type voice. Yeah.

You know what she sounds like? She sounds permanently like the voice women put on when they want you to do something. Like, can you please clean the yard? Or can you, like one of those requests that, there's a terrible on when they want you to do something. Like, can you please clean the yard? Or can you, like one of those requests that, there's a terrible request and you don't wanna do it. And you do it because of that voice,

that Jennifer Tilly voice. You got Tilly. That's a bummer, I'm not toxic like you, but I don't mind cleaning the yard. So, yeah, I apologize. I'm just kind of an ally, I guess. I might go clean the yard after this. Because you're going to have your big,

dumb ass inflatables in it. Ha ha ha, come on. I guess I might go clean the yard after this big dumb ass inflatables in it Okay, you know those eat those like they're so easy to get every holiday I'm like, let's get an inflatable heart for Valentine's Day Like I pitched a leprechaun Doing the off-brand holidays now Let's just get let's just get something for president And Christmas and we have an inflatable turkey. We got that for Thanksgiving. So we got the bottom half of the calendar covered.

I just want inflatable, I want one inflatable a month. I don't think that's asking too much. That's a lot of inflatable size. I think it is asking too much. Always constantly. That's just a lot of space in the garage. No, bro. It's like the size of a shoe.

Each one of those is like the size of one shoe. Yeah, say something else. I get the size of a shoe. Each one of those is like the size of one shoe. Yeah, say something else. I get the size of a shoe. When you jam it down. When you jam it down. I don't mean to, I can put everyone in a corner right there. Ah. Ha.

Ha ha ha ha. That's a Sinophobe thing more like. You guys run a clean operation here, I really appreciate it. No, you can make a 9-11 joke if you want. Yeah. That's what you need next, Sean. I mean, he texted us about the 9-11 joke he could have made. What's 9-11? What are you talking about?

Oh, shit. We actually don't acknowledge it. I was too busy cleaning the yard that day, I think. You're like Nicolas Cage in Knowing. You have to Google, like, he's got all these numbers, and these numbers are dates. And he's looking up what happened on, you know, January 17, 1755, and I'm like, what happened on September 11, 2001?

And I was like, buddy, you didn't have to Google that shit, man. The movie came out four years after 9-11. You had to Google what happened on 9-11. Mark Wahlberg didn't get on a plane that day. That's what happened. Oh, we gotta go. David, is that for your fourth back? No, episode four is in the phone.

Yeah. Oh, Connery. Oh yeah. Come on. Yeah, Jason Connery. He was a key grip on the Thomas Crown affair. Selkie. He's not famous, but yeah, that's a good voice, man. That's a good guy.

Seanery Connery, dude. Good, a legendary voice at every age, too. He was a little smoother when he was younger. And then by the time Dragonheart rolled around, dude, still hot. Yeah. A lot of problematic interviews, but that's not what we're drafting. People used to just say anything to Playboy. Playboy?

He did this shit off with Barbara Walters. Yeah, that's true too, that's true too, that's true too. Only Quincy Jones maintained that level of candor, you know, into the information age. God bless him. Yeah, I mean, I don't. Anyways, that's not what we're talking about. Just a great Scottish voice, man.

Sean Connery. That's the other Sean that I get all his texts from Ian's phone. I'm constantly trying to text Sean Connery. I miss you. Come back, come back, King. Dude, it sucks you moved out. I thought basic was really good.

The haters got too bold. I fuck Roger Moore. I just text him fuck Roger Moore once a year. Dude, you were dope in Robin Hood with Kevin Costner. You just send him that every now and again. He was, dude. He was. The Untouchables.

A meantime for your fourth and your final picks? Well, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was episode 67 of Cinephobes. We'll throw that out there. I like to think you just know this stuff. Yeah, I do. It's all at the top of my head. Number four.

Number four, Optimus Prime. Yeah. Yeah. Not the voice actor. Isn't that Optimus Prime's voice? Optimus Prime, yeah. With a filter on it. Yep.

Not Brian Dennehy. Who did it? Not Brian Dennehy. Who's his voice in the- Frank Welker. Really, in the movie with Shia LaBeouf? Frank Welker. Frank Welker has always been the voice of Optimus Frank. Really?

Yep. He's also the voice of the Anaconda in Anaconda. The Anaconda talks in Anaconda? Peter Cullen is the voice though. Peter Cullen? It's not Frank Welker? No, 1980s he was the voice. And then he came back to it in 2007.

I've lived a lie my entire life. It's Peter Cullen then. Quebec Wann National, Peter Cullen. Little mustache on him. I'm still hung up. The Anaconda in Anaconda Talks? What makes a sound? That needs to have a... that's wild. A voice actor, Frank Walker.

Uh, well, Opti... yeah. Peter Cullen. Anaconda, by the way. Starscreams have a good voice. Yeah. I had a bunch. There was also Soundwave. Octavrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvrvr Like all the voices were cool, but Optimus Prime number one, man. It's a transformable podcast. What about your final pick? My final pick. And I won't rush it because we have a hard out.

I understand. Actually, you guys mentioned him the other day on this very podcast. Steven Dorff. The Dorff? Dorff? Steven Dorff's voice is cool as shit, man. Steven Dorff is cool.

Steven Dorff, at that time, was the coolest you could get. In the crying video? Come on. In the interest of never lying on this podcast again, I can't picture his voice right now. Me either. Or I can't in my head, picture it, hear it.

Make sure the Viper Room talking to you. All right. That's exactly it. Oh, I do, yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah, Dorff, dude, I'm with you there. Dorff on voice. David, your final yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah, Dorf dude, I'm with you there. Dorf on voice. David, your final pick.

Dick Vitale. Oh, Dickie V baby. Come on, it's a Dippin' Dandy. It's a Dippin' Dandy. I love it, I love it. Yeah, that's great. Sean, your final pick. Finish him for Mortal Kombat.

Oh. Finish him. Also would have accepted Toasty. Toasty. Toasty. Toasty. Man, with my last voice, I'm almost 100% sure I took Sam Elliott last time, so I'm not taking Sam Elliott.

I'm sorry. I know one of us took you last time, and instead, in the interest of getting some new voices in here, taking Javier Bardem. Oh yeah. Ooh. Ooh. I like that. Ooh, I like that. I like that.

Yes, yes. I might go buy some panties later just so I can drop them. Havier Bardem, you mix. If you guys are cool with it, I'm gonna look and see later, I'm gonna look and see what we picked last one. I'll just make a little recording of what our last picks were just so people know.

You think that'd be fun? Are you gonna put it here? Are you gonna put it here in the podcast or are you gonna put it early in the podcast? Put it like right here. I put it right here. Yeah, put it at the end. Yeah, do it.

All right, here it is. See if we friggin' care, bro. Here it is. Yo, here are the picks from the last time that we did this. The voices draft in October of 2020 with a one, Katie Nolan. And they were pretty different. All right, I'll just rip them off for you so you got them. But started out with Katie, she picked David Attenborough,

Doc Emerick, Kristen Schall, Zoe Chase, and Michael Kane. I went second, I picked Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Tilly, again, that's fun, Snoop Dogg, JFK, and Mila Kunis, all of which were on my list this time, but I just didn't pick them. David went James Earl Jones, Rue McClenahan, Wanda Sykes, Eartha Kitt, Angela Bassett, Ian, Maya Angelou, Alan Rickman,

Kathy Bates, Paul Giamani, and Vin Scully. So there you go. That's how much we've changed in five years, about 12 picks. And we're back. Oh, interesting, cool. Wow, that's crazy. Weird.

You picked the exact same list. Yeah. I picked Jaleel White five times and when you guys talked to me, stop me, I screamed. You did do that. To recap, I mean, you went first, you took James Earl Jones, the voice you get when you're sick,

Scarlett Johansson, Optimus Prime, and Steven Dorff. David, you went first, you took James Earl Jones, the voice you get when you're sick, Scarlett Johansson, Optimus Prime, and Stephen Dorff. David, you went second, you took Louise Guzman, Erika Badu, H. John Benjamin, Connery, and Dick Vitale. Sean, you went third, you took Kiefer Sutherland, David Attenborough, Shaggy, Jennifer Tilly, and the Finnish in voice. I went last, I took Morgan Freeman, Holly Hunter, Orson Welles, Ed Orgeron, and Javier Bardem.

Bless from good voices on the board. Yeah, Joey Lauren Adams. Jeff Bridges, oh, Joey Lauren Adams. Yeah, she was on my list. Vincent Price, Leif Schreiber. Oh, Wanda Sykes? Just respect the Wanda Sykes. Leif Tenen.

Leif Tenen. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, heck, we wanna hear yours. It is about All Fantasy Podcast on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast.gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, about on Twitter all things to podcast the gmail.com shutters ever on the afe Patreon where there are mailbagged episodes auction drafts this or that's what are we calling those this or that? Yeah, this or that?

fun Shout out to everyone in the a efficient slacker the a if you subreddit shut the super producer Isaac on the ones and to shut the same suit caramel shut the Franky Odin shutters in the douche out of how do you Eat some more important than all that turn again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shacklackity! That was a hintgum podcast.