All Fantasy Everything - Ways to End a Long Conversation (w/ Serra Naiman)

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Have you ever been in a long conversation that you wanted to end? Of course not, you listen to this podcast!Guest:Serra Naiman (@serra.naiman)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to what I see everything. The podcast of fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting ways to end a long conversation. Which I find quite germane. We've been saying germane a lot. Don't tell them. No, just let him figure it out.

David's just being naturally himself. Our guest today is the very funny comedian, actor. What other honorifics can we bestow upon you? I hope people just remember that I'm nice. Just a nice, just a good hang. It's a solid dude. Sarah Naiman. Hi, guys.

Thanks for having me. We're so happy to have you. So stoked. I'm your host, Ian Carmel with me as always. Are my friends and comedians, Sean Backwards Hat Jordan and David Forward Tat Bore. Always. Oh, I have a hat in my car. Can we pause it for 20 minutes?

Yeah. You can go get it. Sean probably had three or four other hats. It's a lid-centric show. Oh, I'm wearing a hat too. And Ian sideways hat Carmel. This is the only podcast where you can get this. Hey, man.

Take yourself seriously. Forward Hat Carmel. Ian Forward. Is that how you want to be remembered? Not at all. That's what you want to be doing when Jesus comes back? Forward hat, Carmel. I think Jesus is going to have a couple other things to bring up with me before we get to the hat.

Where to go? It might be the little circular one. Although he was Jewish, too. Yeah, he loved this. I feel like there's not much wrong with a backwards hat, but I babysit a very small baby. She's one and a half. And whenever I put my hat on backwards,

she thinks I'm trying to be very funny. And I'm like, oh, maybe this is actually not a good like. She's really seeing what's going on. Yeah, yeah. She's like, you're crazy. I get a lot of heat for it. I had backwards hat a lot. Who gives you?

Kyle gives me heat every damn time. Our friend Kyle. I was in ears under the hat guy first. I had one hat. One hat. How do you get them under there? Well, it was just a big hat. And so they would just go under there.

It's a 10-gallon cowboy. Yeah, it was a helmet. But yeah, he just like, you think you're a ears under the hat guy, right? I'm like, I don't, really. It's just how this one fits, you know? You wear your beanies like that, which is, I feel like a mid-wee. I feel like a beanie born of necessity rather than fashion. Yeah, it's cold.

It's cold. When people have their beanies above their ears, I really, it really, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no. I did this whole speech about how nice I am. I don't wear babies on you. I used to be above the ears guy. I also grew up in Portland where it doesn't really get colder than like 40.

40 is. That's cold. Yeah, I mean, like, when I was in Chicago at 50, at 60, I was like, we got to put the beating on the ears. But I have a chubby ears. Oh. Yeah. Is that possible? Is that possible?

I've never seen it, but anything's possible. I don't think you can take your ear width down. I have weight-bearing ears. I have load-bearing ears. I've said that for you. You're built for gauges. I'm built for gauges. Oh, man.

You late in life gager? I was on a date one time. There's nothing I will have less done to me than Late in life gauges? No. I took a girl on a date to see super bad because I'm a gentleman. Yeah.

And I remember, we were just talking before the movie, I was like, you know what I hate? And I went like this. And I go, are these shoes and I look down and she's wearing them? The shoes that go to a point like this that like, you know what I'm talking about? Why do you hate that?

Because they look wildly uncomfortable. And I don't think a woman should put themselves through what that would probably do to your toes. It was a feminist interpretation of a, If there is a god, I don't think that's how she intended shoes to be worn. Wow. I'm feeling so welcome here, by the way. Unrelated to everything you just said.

Welcome to the sheester herd of all fantasy everything. I know the ones you're talking about, but I think there's plenty of room for the toes and then it's an ornamental point, right? Yeah, I think it's a... Traditionally. There's room in there. Yeah. There's room in there to put stuff in there. Well, there's a reason that there's space up there.

You can keep like a marble. Oh, you put weed up there. That's where you put your bag. Yeah, it's like your sock. Like my muskis. Some dice. You got some dice up there? Cool 20.

Yeah. Just one 20-sided dye in a dip of my shoe. Just you never know. You never know when you're going to run to a DM on the streets? That's true. That's true. That's true. Sean Cougarmel and Jordan on Instagram.

That's where people can find you. Aladdin theater Portland, Oregon, September 26, late show, all fantasy, everything, 10-year anniversary. It's going to be a fun show. A banger of a time. A hoot and a holler. Come on out to that. I imagine that by this point, we're recording so far ahead of time that this comes out in February of 2036. David's president.

Happy Cesquinsic... Cesquitianian? Cesquitinian? Cesquitinian? Cesquish. Cesquish. The 250? Yeah, it's 250 this year.

I don't know. It's sesquistennial. Cis quintennial. Right? Equestennial is when you blind a bunch of horses and then you shoot off fireworks. That's fucking blind. That's the equestinny. That's questionable.

Thank you very much. When you fuck a grainy horse. It's when you fuck a grainy horse. Did I do too much? No. No. No. I like a grainy mustard.

We'll be right back. Yeah. Anyway, come to the show. If there's still tickets available, I imagine that there are. Maybe not, though. I bet we'll be putting in some drops maybe to announce some other all-fant-a-thad-thing-everything stuff we have planned. Over the weekend. It's going to be fun little weekend in Portland.

Isaac's going to host a wrestling match. Know that that is not sanctioned by us. He's doing that all on them. That's adamant. I will be using your images. with AI. That's all right. You know how I feel about my likeness.

Yeah. Take it and run with it. Positive? Get nasty with it. Generally. Abuse my likeness. No respect for it at all. Iceman, you should host the karaoke event.

I would, I would love to, actually. Let's get that cooking. That's what we'll get going. The voice. If you're nasty. Of a sultry angel on that man. A sultry angel. Do angels get to be sultry?

Yeah. I think, right? I think in the 90s, yeah, big time. I feel like they're less old. Like an evanescence angel? Yeah. My sister had a pious angel. poster of an angel chained up in a dungeon that was very sultry.

See what I'm talking about? Yeah. You know exactly what I think. This was a curvy. Yeah. It was like on Tumblr. All those angels were. There were so many sultry angels on tumbler.

Who chained that angel? That's my question. The devil. The sultry devil. But a very buttoned up devil, no? A Protestant. A very mannered. Hard working.

Yeah. Dedicated. Buttons on a shirt but not his jacket style angel. Yeah. Yeah. An Averax jacket. An Averack jacket. The devil on the back.

It was him playing pool with Betty Boop. Huh? The devil. Would you get a cartoon, was there any point in your life where you would have a cartoon leather jacket, any of you? Yes. What does that mean? With a cartoon character on it? Like Taz?

You know what I'm talking about? Like a varsity? You seen those out there? I would have. You seen those? What's the look on you? You seen these out there? I don't think I've seen these.

Bugs and Taz on a leather. I mean, I don't even know how to explain it. If you could put Bugs and Taz on a leather jacket, yes, I would have got it. Oh, like Supreme. Sure. They'll do that sometimes. Kind of, but not, but not cool. Those were taken from the early 90s.

I mean, those shirts I used to wear. Okay. And Supreme's charging about 80 bucks for that T-shirt now. You shall. They have every... Yeah. Yeah, taking Supreme by little shit. Yeah.

Sort of these motifs. Yeah, yeah. I think I've seen mostly this. Yeah. Yeah, that's, yeah. I think you're thinking these more, like, big colorful leather jackets. Yeah. Holy cow, these are expensive.

I guess they're leather jackets still. No. There was never a time in my life when I would have worn a cartoon leather jacket. I would have worn a lot of cartoon merchandise. And I could be in a leather jacket phase now, though I don't have one. I'm not drawn to leather in large quantities in any way. No. We're big guys. Wallet's about as big as I'll get. Yeah.

What about is this vegan? I don't like this. You're like, I don't live here. I don't know. Oh, sorry. I thought you lived here. This isn't my jacket. I'm glad you brought this up.

I've been sitting on this for about 400 episodes. Yeah. I fucking hate this couch. Sarah, this is manatee leather. Hot, sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sexiest leather. Sexy rumors about manatees.

Absolutely. Sexy. Which is the full title of the Fleetwood Mac album. Yeah. It shortened to rumors for marketing purposes. They got the song off so they couldn't add the rest of the words. Can you make leather out of any kind of skin? We've got to move on.

Okay, Ed Gein. I just, that is. I know another man who asked that question. A man who dared to dream you mean? I'm doing my experiments trying to further the leather industry. An iconoclast? I'm just trying to help save animals. I do think there are many leathers.

I think there are many leathers. How many can you put on one coat? Sorry. That's an ill-time sneeze. What suede, by the way? I don't know, but you can't get it wet. Why is it fuzzy? It's leather.

It's leather. I know it's leather. It's just not fully shaved. Is that right? It's cow. Is it? Yeah. Off to cow. Yeah.

How do you wash suede? You don't wash it? You brush it. You brush. Oh. And you have to spray. Like, you know when you get Clark's shoes? You have to spray them with that protective stuff.

So if I get a bunch of mustard on my suede jacket, I have to brush it out. Or just go with it. Or get a new jacket. Just put more stuff on it. Keep putting stuff on it. Not to bring this up multiple times in the course of a month. Right. But then you just dip the whole jacket and mustard.

Where's going to get all that mustard? I can get mustard. You can get mustard. He can get mustard. You got dough enough to dip a whole suede jacket in mustard. You got to go to get another suede jacket. I don't pay for most of my shit. You're going to make me do this on the podcast?

How much? You're going to make me pull this out on the podcast right now? Price out the mustard out. That's a Costco executive number of. Oh, whoa. So you're going to get there at 10 a.m. and buy some mustard? I'll get there at 9 a.m. and buy some mustard. I'll get there in 10 and try to buy mustard.

You can see me walking out. Won't be any left. I'll be pulling up. I'm like, if that guy bought all the fucking mustard, I'm going to freak out. He knows that day. He can see. What is exactly, how do you earn that? You don't get a little extra money.

You buy it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You don't earn anything. I got it when I was a regularly working TV writer and I have not downgraded since then. Classic Joe job. You go in hang.

I don't have that TV writing job anymore. So I'm going to come in at 10 with all the losers. But I couldn't. I couldn't go back. I tasted caviar. I couldn't go back to the farm. You know what I mean? That's like.

David Borey's here. Cool guy jokes 80. 7 on Instagram. Yeah. Where can people see you? Tasting caviar. That's right. Do caviar bumps?

No, caviar I'm always like, I always feel like I should have liked it more every time I've had it. I'm always like... It's good, but like it doesn't taste like it should cost that much. No, I went to a caviar bar in New York one time, and like, it just... I was, I felt like hosed. I was like, so this bar is just caviar, vodka, and different chasers that... Yeah. And sex in the best.

bathroom. Yeah. And cocaine. Yeah. Probably cocaine. Probably. Probably. It was like an industry party.

Yeah, yeah. The show or the entertainment? The show. No, entertainment. Okay. Yeah. That's what I got to say. Caviar sucks.

We know you think caviar sucks. Of course you think caviar sucks. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like seafood. I don't like seafood. Oh, well then yeah, of course. You should be nowhere near caviars. No.

It's the seafood. I try to not be. It's about a seafood as it gets. Yeah. These guys force it on. me sometimes. We've never forced caviar on you. That's what Isaac cut that. These guys force it on. We have presented an environment for you to try an oyster. I've tried an oyster. Yeah? Yeah. Can't stand it. Was it, did it. Did you barbecue it for him or? No, we did it. We went

shooter, which was probably a big mistake. That's a huge thing. Now, we're also trying to move it down. We're getting warmer with the barbecue. We had the barbecue. We went to start to interrupt. Is that what you talking about? That's right. We had oysters Rockefeller, which has like cheese on. on them. Oh, those look nasty as hell. You also did the barbecue oysters in New Orleans, and you were none too interested. They did look nasty. Is new, this is, oh, this is ignorant. Is New Orleans

close enough to the sea to have, or freshwater oysters? Or like, how are we? It's right there. It's right at the mouth of the Mississippi, right? It's pretty close to the ocean, though not on the ocean. Okay. I am wary of oysters too far from the ocean. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You said you're from Fresno? I'm from Fresno. Is that inland, so far inland that you would not never touch an oyster you'd never touch an oyster in my head never I would never you could threaten me with whatever you want that's that old country's on you never eat an oyster

in Fresno yeah yeah you know you heard it from the baker's real Larry touch and go town yeah yeah yeah a lot of dangerous got into a push-up contest there one time did you know dangerous that was this apartment complex yeah I've probably been that that all checks it was you and David Carr no no it was weird dude from the show first place ever got a hotel for comedy was in Fresno. Oh, Mazeltham. Do you remember the hotel? It was like a Super 8 or a comfort inn.

Sure. And where were you performing? A Thai food restaurant and the host I remember was one of these guys who wears a bandana like a bracelet. No, I did that. And it was white. So I think that that tells you like Brett Michaels or something. You understand the person

I'm telling you about. Wow. I know this person intimately. No. He was wearing like a hoodie shirt, like a long-sleeved hoodie shirt. Yeah. Yeah, but it had like buttons that were too open. Okay. Yeah.

Like a Henley hoodie? No, no, no, no. It was a, it was like a, it's like a long-sleeved t-shirt with a hood. Like a Henley hoodie. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not waffling it. But also with that bandana going.

Uh-huh. A hoodley? A hoodley? A hoodley? A hoodly? A hoodly. I made about six different wrong moves with bandanas in my twenties. Brother, you really, it's almost like. just stay away.

Not forward, not back. Bracelet, bracelet. Oh, yeah, not forward for days. I've seen you out with the pocket. I remember that. I used to do the pocket. Pocket's probably the best case scenario. Found out that it is sort of like signaling for those in the gay man community.

Well, in the sex community. In the sex community. Because I remember I knew the like, it was a whole thing when I moved to San Francisco. It was like a thing and people would be like, orange out the back left means he's down for anything. Right. And I am down for anything, not sex-wise, but like, you know what a... Conversation, though. Yeah, yeah.

You want to go have a beer, sure. Nachos. We got nachos in the middle of the day yesterday. Day nachos. Hey, we did. Not a bandana in sight. No bandanas. I remember I was at Moon Tower Comedy Festival wearing an all-denim outfit.

This is when I was a bigger man. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 400 pounds, walking down the street, all-denum outfit. I remember the outfit. Bandana hanging out of the back of that thing, ran into a guy Branham. He said, okay. I had no idea

I think when you're 400 pounds you got to just use the bandana as a handkerchief because that's cool around the neck is pretty cute you look like a dog at a party You also look like you're signed to cash money records Yeah Depends

That's what cowboys would dip That's what they're for They'd dip them in water and tie them around their neck To stay cool Yeah I didn't know that If the cows were kicking up too much dust I recently read Lonesome Dove. Hey, I'm on page 200 and...

They just crossed the river. We lost one of our Irish boys to the water. Yes, we did. You didn't tell me an Irish boy died in that book? Two of them died. No, only one. Not two of them don't die. I've seen the show.

I'm a huge fan of the miniseries, so I know it happens. It's so good. I've never leaned forward faster during the podcast. How good is that book? It's so good. Oh, my God, it's good. It's so good. People, it seems like too big to undertake.

Much like moving a herd to Montana. But unlike moving a herd to Montana, or is it, it's very worth it. And safer. And safer. Way fewer rivers. That's all we'll say. I don't want to give anything away. No, I don't either.

I feel bad that I said the thing that I said. That'll get hooked in. Once our listeners find out that an Irish guy dies, they're going to be in. Big Irish, big Irish listenership. Big Irish listenership. Yeah, he had a good point. Where did they heard the cattle from? To Montana from where?

Texas. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, God, damn. We currently just got back from Mexico. Yes, we did. We did. We did, yeah.

That's where we lost him to the water moccasins. Yeah. That's where they get all the cows. And then they take them from Lonesome Dove sounds different. Lonesome Dove up to Montana. Wait, Lonesome Dove, oh, it's a place in Texas. We can talk about books we're reading too. Go on.

How do you feel about the pedagogy of critical thinking? Uh-huh. Are you sticking with it? Yeah. Is it like once upon a time in Hollywood? I think I want to read it though. I'm having a tough time. I just have to like place it back over again.

Is that a classic like you should read this that everybody knows about? No. Oh. Oh, no, no, not at all. I mean I should read it because I got it on. I was like, I was like, oh, this is something I want to learn about and I'll just listen to it while I'm walking the dog. Yeah. And then it's like, I'm like, nah, it's not.

I'm not retaining it. What's the name of the book? It's, I think it's, I can find it right now. Is it Palo Frere? No. By the time this comes out, I'll be halfway through Anatomy a love story, and it's one of the best books I've ever started. Oh. Yeah.

That's not Czech Palinac. It's not. It's my wife. Oh, it's just teaching critical things. It's a bell hoax book. My whole family's read that book, and I have not. And Dana's a dear friend, and that's a dick move. So I got to read it.

Okay. Good on you. It just has a human body on the front, but I've no idea what it's called. There, I know what you're talking about. I've read sex drugs and cocoa puffs. Oh, different Chuck. Different Chuck and Tyre. They both live in Portland, though.

Yes, they do. Well, one of them from Portland. Both live in Portland. I didn't know that. From Portland. I think he still is there, but I'm not sure. That's not the same guy? No.

Polonik is by, well, I see. Nobody wants to have fun. You'll be hearing from my lawyers. Close to him in Poland. And Orphalian. And Orphalian. Closterman and Orphalian. Clostromen, Pollinick, and Orpholian.

You ever read a. Pollock? Yeah, I read Choke and what's the big famous one? Like, Clike Club. Yeah. I read the one about the little Russian boy. The operative. Oh.

It was kind of fun, too. The little Russian boy. This books will make you feel bad about yourself. Yeah. The world. It's a good writer. They make me feel itchy. Yeah.

Yeah, itchy. That's a great way to describe it. Yeah. And kind of icky. Is this, are you going to finish this book or do you not, if you're not into a book, will you not finish it or do you're like I have to finish it yeah oh yeah I think I want to read it though is the problem it's just not it's just not doing what's your policy are you a mandatory finisher life's too short good for you I used to be a finisher and then I was like what are we doing

I'm a finisher unfortunately but then what if you're like when you're reading a great book I'm a closer yeah I'll edge but I was I was like I was like go ahead and pepper in some me talking about books too. Use AI. Find some clips. Find some clips of people talking about books on interviews and things. ChatGBT, BT. Use the prompt, how would Sean Jordan talk about this book?

How to kind of face off my voice, whatever voice it is? Teaching Critical Thinking by Bell hooks, how would Sean Jordan... Have it sound like he's talking about an Naomi Klein book, but he keeps saying Naomi Wolf. And that'll be sort of a meta thing. And tell it that I understood that joke. Yeah. Uh-huh.

But don't make me look stupid, please. I want to look smart. Okay. And a little hotter than I am. Okay. Chatjp. He's going to have to waste a lot of energy. It just makes your feet like four sizes bigger than your shoes.

Bam. Whoa. Whoa. That's that hotter? That's the whole thing. The penis. I don't know. The penis.

It's going to be your penis. Now it's too big. How have you got on your feet? 12s? 11? 10 and a half. Oh, okay. I'm a bad.

Really? I can fit into size 9 Adidas. I thought you were bigger than that. Oh, that's not a thing you want to hear. My penis is. Not in any context. Not in any context. I just bullshit.

I don't get a fuck about your feet. Thank you. Yeah, I don't hear. I am slogging through the Maltese Falcon right now. And I like to ours. Hey, can I tell you? Yeah. I'm not going to finish crime and punishment.

Out of babe. Good for you. That feels like. I got like, I said two on here the other day. I was lying. It's like I got like five, six more chapters left. Yeah. And it's just like.

How big of these chapters? You're giving up that? It took me so long. Like, I read The Idiot in like three weeks. And then I was like, this is the pace I can read this author at. Right. That's not how this has been going. Yeah.

And I got other fucking shit I wanted. Are you mad at me? No, no, no. Oh, you were shaking my head. You were shaking your head like. No, because sometimes one, one author will write one book in one pace and another book in a different pace. Yeah. I think I'm going to move on to the brothers.

And if the brothers doesn't do it for me, I'm out of the Russians. That's all my... Read the master of margarita. Oh, that's what you were saying. You're talking about the script for the brothers with Morris Chesson. Bill Delaney, right? I'm talking about the script. You know what's crazy about the brothers?

I've watched the TV show. No, I have not gone down that one. Oh, no, I watched the best man TV show. I'll go to myself. Don't do that. No, man. Finish your book first. Yeah.

Complete it. I thought you don't finish books. All right. Sorry, I flip fly. I thought life was short. Yeah. Sorry, I'm John Carrey and back and forth right now. I'm John.

Don't finish. Being delightful. Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. What's the last great book you read? Well, I'm reading two right now, and I love Lonesome Dove, but I'm also reading The Beasting by Paul Murray. It's really good. My wife loves that.

I love a really fucking long family novel where it's like 100 pages about the brother, 100 pages about the sister, the dad, the mom. And then when it culminates at the end and we have our final out with each other, we know. why everybody's thinking and saying what they're doing because you just spent 500 pages with them learning who they are. And that's that book to a T, right? That's like, yeah. Yeah. Have you ever read the overstory? Yes, absolutely. I love that book. That's the yeah. Yeah. And anything by Jonathan Franzen is like that structure. Right. The corrections. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Are we all big readers? You, I'm getting the sense that you're not. He's a good friend. Because you keep making comments. I'm a really nice guy.

He's a great father. I'm fun to be around. I love my daughter with all my heart. He can skateboard like the dickens. I can kick flip. Really? Oh, that's why you knew what Supreme was? Because the heat is now off me. Yes. Success, Isaac. Still put in some stuff about books ever. I'm also not a big reader. Oh. I think you are, though, now.

I think you are a big reader now. And that is the problem with me. The Davey Promise. Sarah Nevin is here. It's a long intro. We don't get into a too. We freely admit to it being a long intro. And it is, but, you know, it's worth it.

Yeah. On Instagram, it's S-E-R-R-A for Sarah. Dot. Dot. N-A-I-M-A-N. Look into it. Check her out. Is that how you spell K-R-R-A-R?

I don't know. No, I think that's... Q-U-E. K-O-R-R-I. I think it's one R. I think it's one R. S-R-A, just the one R. If I read more books.

I would have known that. That's just the Spanish though. I tipped my hat. But you're reading right now. I read, I go through Spats. Yeah. I'm like a mid, probably.

Okay, we love a mid. Yeah, I went lower because for comedic effect, but it's really somewhere. I'm on the bottom. I'm on the floor. You're on the bottom? Okay, that's fine.

Working on my second book for the year, though, which is more than I think I've ever done in my life. That's incredible. And it will be finished. I will read anatomy, and then the hot dog book. Oh, yeah. Jamie Laft is Hot Dog Book.

I'm excited. Wait, that actually sounds familiar. Is it the hot dogs around the country or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was on the show yesterday. I'm going to read the book.

Oh, great. I'm excited. Anyone who's on the show who has the book, I'm going to read the book. So be on TikTok as well? Yeah, but I'm not. I don't, I haven't found my people there yet. No, me neither. I don't get it.

I'm on Instagram is where I live. I do the exact same thing on both, and it's a completely different story. Does feel really like, I'll cut you off here. I feel like younger people are. better at TikTok. Yeah. I don't know how old you are. I'm,

I'm, I'm, I'm, it feels like we're all, it feels like we're all, it feels like we're all at least within the same generation. Yeah, I'm a millennial.

Yeah. Don't worry. I think you're going to be cool. Right. Isaac? I'm a millennial technically. Technically, uh-oh. I'm on the cost of 31.

Technically I'm one too, but on the way farther end of them. And that's the beauty of generation. Sean's a boomer. I'm one year. from being a dance or wait no I would have been Gen X yeah yeah and then a boomer one of my sisters is an X love her love her I got two X well I'm 44 so like depending on where you look I'm Gen X but most places say I'm a millennial I was born in 81 I think you could get away

with millennial yeah I dated a guy who's 44 and he says he's a millennial that that's that's that's tough I tell my wife every day hey I will always be a millennial she's Gen X she's Gen X yeah yeah um I saw I saw your one of your videos just like crossed my algorithm. God bless it. Like a year ago, maybe a little bit longer. And you make such funny videos on there on Instagram.

Thank you so much. They're so hilarious. Oftentimes we have people come on here with something you have to buy to engage with it. It's free. Just get in there. Take it. The horse ratings? A classic. I was telling you in the kitchen before this, so sorry to repeat myself. But the one that I saw for the first time was the Your Rich Friend

video. Which is so fucking They're just all so great. They're so funny. Wow. Make sure you go follow them, check them out. They're just wonderful. Thank you for coming here tonight. Thanks for thinking you're funny.

That's so nice. Yeah. I have bad taste. I know. Yeah. She's like to see a collar up. That denim outfit with the bandana gave away. Dressed like a disheveled Jay Leno.

So just keep that in mind. Still showing up to work every day. Yeah. I don't know. Kevin Eubanks. Do you have anything else you'd like to direct people towards. Well, when is this coming out again?

July 9th. So I think, okay, so I have a documentary that is out on, that I co-wrote and narrated, along with Yellow Dot and Adam McKay. And it's called You Need This and it's about consumer capitalism. I'm pro. Nice. All right. Let's buy some stuff during the clock.

Yeah. It's just about advertising and, you know, it's another one of those, wake up call in the situations. And then I think by the time this comes out, I'll have a movie called Frogtown directed by Costa Corales that will also be straight. I think. One of my favorite towns.

Yeah, you know. Good little favorite. Is it based on the L.A. Frogtown? No, it actually has nothing to do with that at all. Wow. Yeah, it's based in Mariana, Florida. Yeah, you should. You always should.

There's only so many, like, stories you can tell about bicycle cafes. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I want you a hidden oasis in Frogtown once. Been there. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about? It used to be a writer's retreat.

I saw a show there. Yeah, it's amazing. Where? It's behind a shitty fence. It's like tucked in. Yeah, it's crazy. Tiny little skate park in Frogtown too. What?

Tiny little skate park. I just discovered Frogtown maybe four months ago. I'd never heard of it or been there. Yeah. I went to Justine's wine bar. It was so cute. It spent $100. Yeah, that'll happen fast.

Whoa. It got ugly. It got into a fist fight. Yeah. It was great. stole a car drove into the L.A. River. Yeah. Yeah. Not welcome back.

What's that? Not welcome back. I'm welcome back. There we go. They're begging for, they want to get me back. Yeah, I meet up someone who everyone hated. Finally. I'm Ian Carmel. Ian Carmel across platforms. Come see our 10-year anniversary show and watch me tonight.

For another week and a half, on Fox, what is it, when this comes up the 11th, the ninth? So yeah, like a week. Yeah, so for another week and a half on Fox, after the World Cup, me, James Corden, Rio Ferdinand, doing, having fun, hijinks, celebrating the World Cup. And a rotating cast of characters joining that fourth chair. It's a, it's been a blast. It's going to continue to be a blast. Watch it. And say, I'm the reason why, on social media. Yeah. I'll beat them up. I'll beat all you a lot. At Cool Guy Jokes 87.

And Venmo him with the same. We're gathered here today not to talk about my World Cup television program, but also to fantasy draft ways to end a long conversation. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors, play between the three of you when we throw on shoot. All right, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, all rocks.

Here we go again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins He was looking at me So much Odd man out Did you know what I was gonna do? Yeah yeah yeah I'm sorry

I was about to get upset But I could see it Who were broke up? Yeah yeah The speed at which you were turning Like it started to like You just stand up I need a hundred dollars of wine right now

Yeah that's exciting That's exciting Nice energy shift I like it when we might get in a fight Now we're now we're having a competition Unless you like to have won and then you can be the winner. No.

All right, David's the winner. Hey, that's cool. As the winner isn't coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you it as a serpentine draft. What is that? That's a great question.

It's like trying to dribble up court during a full court press when no one's around to pass the ball to. Could you make this about soccer? I can't. Same thing. It's like, it's like a full,

it's like if you're trying to dribble up the pitch, up the pitch during a full court press, but there's no teammates around to pass it to, so you kind of have to. to go back and forth up the pitch. It's called a full pitch. Can you make it about figure skating? It's called a full pitch smush. Yeah, it's like if you don't really know how to figure skate and you get on some skates

and you go to one wall and you're like, all right, I got this. And you get back in the middle. You're like, I don't have it. So you go to the other wall. You've got to brace yourself and you're like, all right, I'm going to get back in the middle. I'm going to do just a single spin. I have to be able to do that in 44. Can't do it.

Fall on my butt. So then I go to the other wall until I make it to an exit and go find the closer. This is a very specific story. Shout out to the quad god, by the way. Oh, God. Yeah, I felt. Is it Ilya? Illia.

We love you, Elia. We love Ilya. Yeah. But we also like that girl. Oh, Alyssa Lou? Yeah. You know what I mean. She threw out the first pitch at like a Padre game or something and did a quad or a triple on the mound.

Yeah. That's crazy to see. She's from San Diego. She's a mouth playing. Oh, maybe it was the Giants then. A's? Or the A's. A's.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The Giants. Well, his first pitch of a game. But she did a triple. on the mound with shoes on. That's not used to seeing that. Yeah.

It was nuts. Were you into figure skating? Yeah, I did it a little bit as a kid. My sister was really good at it. I was just doing it. Can I give you a question? Please. Do you think I'd be really good at it?

Yeah. Yeah, thank you. That's what I thought. It's so hard. David, what is it with that in mind? Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Will there be gentle reminders along the one? Absolutely.

The entire time. David, with that in mind, what would the order be? I've just won so many times I'm trying to think what I haven't. I know. It's a loser couch over here. In the last day. Hey, I won. I know you did.

I don't think I've won one in this whole block. No, no. I mean, I wait every second I get to see everybody in this room. So in. I thought you were going to chip dip my nipple. That's what it looked like you were going to go up at this thing. Where you go like that? Oh.

All right. Bad kid's greatest fear That's right Do you like to go first? I do what I'm told Dangerous What you do It's never taking this long before

Like a Sarah horses? I don't know if I need to Go first Because I don't think my stuff's gonna get taken I feel like everybody's list is very much Their own in this Yeah But I'd also like to see

I've also, I feel like you've been getting real fucked. I've been in the middle a lot. As far as like the orders I've been picking. Yeah. And as a partner, I would like to say I see you and I'm sorry for that. Thank you. I'm still going to pick myself first. Okay.

Because I'm the hero in my story. Absolutely. And Sean. You're the hero in mine a lot. We're just going to do the couch again. All right. David's there. Ian.

Sean is the order. Hot corner. David has the first pick and we're going to get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Quince. One thing that I will say I love about summer

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This limited time sale awaits you now at alienware.com slash deals. That's alienware.com slash deals. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed. We're drafting Waste in a long conversation. David Borey is about to make the first pick of the draft. David. Oldie but a goodie.

It's always going to work. Hey man, I got to go to the bathroom. Oh, that's great. Yeah. I use it at parties. I use it on the phone. Who's going to say no? That's the thing.

Do you know where the bathroom is also? Sorry, I just got to. That's good. Do you know anyone or do you have anyone in your life with whom you will stay on the line whilst actually going to the bathroom? Well, did I tell that that's happening? Yeah. Oh. No.

You've done it without consent? He? Or poo-poo? Do you want to know? Poop makes more sense. You answer that question in a way that tells me everything I need. You can hear pee. Most of the time can't hear poop.

If I'm standing up being, I'm going to be like, I'm being. No, it's the sound you here. It's pretty rare. It's pretty rare that I do that. Yeah. It's really got to be a good conversation. I've done it on a lot of because as work has turned to Zoom and there are certain meetings you can't really leave on.

I will mute myself. Yeah. I will mute myself. You turn screen off. And the videos off. Yeah. And the videos off. Keep the video on.

Yeah. They just have to watch you shit. They're just waving. Looks like you're in the bathroom. No, you can't hear anything, so I'm not. That really, this is an audio medium and I was doing a visual joke. So the people watching, you can get it. Yeah, that's a reason to watch.

Yeah, I got to go to the bathroom as a good one. No, it works at parties too a lot. And it's true a lot of times at parties, because I think when I first get there, especially if I know a bunch of people. My shit spikes, like whatever. Your cortisol? Yeah, my cortisol, where you have to do that little pee where it's not like a full throw out the line.

It's like a, for sure. So I usually got to go pee after I get to a party with loved ones anyways. That's like cutting the little sandbags off the hot air balloon. Exactly. So, but this is something you can only use once then at a party. So, or unless. You tell them you have diabetes. Different groups.

In the words of a famous person, who don't check me, boo? I don't believe you. John Adams. Let me press on your stomach. Yeah. John Adams. No, I don't have to go to the bathroom again. Like, that guy's not going to the into the bathroom. He went into the closet.

He got Megrel. Maybe it's subsided. You don't know my body. My body, my choice. Do you ever feel guilty? You got a little ankle touch on accident. Do you ever feel guilty when you are at like a party? You do the, I have to go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom, come back out and just go right to a different group?

or do we all kind of understand that that's the game? We all understand it. You should understand. If you don't understand that. And if I'm going to be completely honest, in a party, as calm as it looks like I am, I'm usually fighting for my life. I'm panicking every second.

So whatever, man. Unless I've had that right amount of alcohol. And if you're watching me enough to notice, maybe you relax and enjoy the fucking party. That's right. How about that? If you noticed that I took a piss and came back and I didn't want to talk to you about your fucking sister,

Yeah. Fuck you, man. Are you thinking about someone? I'm going to go over here and fucking talk to somebody I like. How about that? I don't even fucking know you, dog. And I hate your wife. How about that?

It sucks that you guys cornered me at this punch bowl when I was minding my own fucking business. Yeah, am I talking about something that happened to me in a comedy show recently? Just as an example. They're not going to watch it, and I'll tell you who it is, what's the camera shut off. All right.

Oh, exciting. I like that. A little something for us after. People are terrorizing you. Yeah, that's right. In this town? Yeah. Oh, in this town.

People are terrorizing you at fucking party. Yeah, definitely. With personal information? Just with, like, everybody's jockeying for position in this strange way where it's like you get roped into shit. You don't like, you don't even like me. You just don't know anybody else in here. And now I have to, like, be the sounding board for that. Yeah.

And I don't want to. I don't even want to be here. I want to be at home with the fucking dog. Yeah. And my freak cat. Yeah. He has a sphinx cat that has started growing hair. And you don't believe in God?

I didn't before I got here. You want to see a picture? I do, actually. I got a bunch of pictures. I'm in the midst of getting a cat foisted upon me right now. Oh, no. I love to have a cat foisted upon me. From my roommate who moved out and left the cat and said he was going to come back and get the cat.

And I don't think he's coming back. Oh, no way. That's trash. That's dirty cat. Fuck him. That's a way to end the conversation. You need to take that cat to the bathroom. What's happening?

Wait, for a lot. I was trying to end the conversation. Yeah, I was trying to tie it into what I was doing. Do you want to see a picture of her while? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was trying to get a new catchphrase off the ground. That is cute. Girl, you need to take that to the bathroom.

Yeah, no, dumb face. Dumb girl. Stupid, stupid face. But stupid animals are kind of. Yes. Let me pull up this so it won't close. Here's a big, wait, no, that's probably not good. We all have the specific one we're looking for.

I also have a dumb cat. Gorgeous. Peanut butter cat. Little Eddie. We love peanut butter cat. Oh yeah, look. It didn't use to be that much hair. So is that, did we Google it to see if that's normal?

No, we're just letting it ride. Okay. We make a lot of jokes about how funny it would be if she wasn't a cat. I think if you got like a schmada sphinx cat, it would be amazing. Wonderful. There she's in a backpack my wife bought and is never going to use. Like in that movie. Did you get a hair list because someone's allergic?

No, she's just, my wife is as weird as I am, so she always wanted one because she's a freak. Yeah. And then, uh, yeah. And now we're just living like that. Sarah, it's time for your first pick. Yeah, sorry. Okay, sorry. This is my dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

Oh, what are we doing? He doesn't? I wish everyone at home because she won't put her feet together when she sits, which really makes her look even more done. Yeah. It does because that's the whole cat thing. They're very put together. Everyone thinks they have a dumb-looking cat.

That is like a cartoon dumb-looking cat. What a joy. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. I just called her mine. So kind of subconsciously. Wait, here's a more attractive one though. I like her curly weird ears.

Yeah, she's really pretty. Yeah. But a fucking freak. Cool. That's why we named her grandma. That was my name for if I was going to have a dog, I was going to name a grandpa. Really? Yeah.

It's fun. It's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. I do. like you. Okay. It feels like the couch is really moving forward. I thought that I was killing it before.

Okay. How do you feel about them? Let's just do it. We also got a strong couch over here. We don't need you. We don't need the leather couch. We'll, we're friends too. Over on this couch.

We'll hold hands like this. Okay. I don't care if it's not leather. You know what's hold his thumb. You know what's funny about the energy in here? I don't really know what's holding on. I just come hold my thumb. No clue.

Oh, now it's even weird. Now what are we supposed to do? You think we need you? What if my fist was that big? You think we need you? I haven't known them long enough to do anything. It's the toy machine load up. Yeah, just punch you running.

I panic. I didn't know what you do. Presser cracks pipes. Pressure cracks pipes, doesn't it? She pulls out a gun. We just sets it on table like anyone can get it. Ten podcasts, three days. I just don't need that to be known.

11. Best one yet. Sarah, time for your first pick? Okay. I'm going to go with, well, I have a super deep cut specific one, and then I have one. If you make the wrong pick, it's going to come back to hunt you. I know. Okay, so my first pick is, all right.

Oh, man. Says everything you got to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or it could be an, all right. All right. I'll draw, I have a neighbor. God bless him. He doesn't listen to this.

If he does, I love you and I love talking to you. Don't do that. But I do. on business. No, I do. I love it. I genuinely... He fucking hates you. I don't. I don't. I don't. He hopes you move off the block. I 100%. This, David, I need you to know David is Joe. He wants you to take that bullshit to Rainy Street. That's what he said to me. That's not even a street near us. No, I don't know this. I'm not going to triangle at you. Do you triangulate right? Yeah. Yeah, you're not going to... There's not a rainy street near us. I don't

think so. No, no. I know. I said I'm not trying to triangulate you. I appreciate it. Yeah. I do love this neighbor. He's like been on the block forever. So he just like knows where all the, you know, like the, where all the bodies are buried, but like in a fun way.

But he will talk as long as you will stay there for. As long as you will be there, he will keep talking. He might continue the conversation after you leave. I'm not really sure. But every now and then I got to drop the, all right. As I'm moving on,

pushing my son in a stroller like, all right. And then like, like just sort of. keep moving on. And then I will continue to have the conversation until I sort of round the corner. Until you're out of ear shot. Until I'm out of ear shot. God bless him. I genuinely love it. But the all right is the only thing that ever gets me out of that. Yeah. As soon as someone says an all right, I'm like,

like, a gun went off. I'm like, I got to get out of here. Yeah. That's all I need to know. And if they say that to you, yeah, we all need to be like tuned into each other's all rights. Yeah. Also, do you guys ever notice to people who tend to like, like, draw out conversations? They never really get offended if you want to leave anyways. No, that's right. Yeah. Like, they all, like, nobody is ever like, what, you don't want to talk to me anymore? It's usually like, I get it out.

Yeah. Or they'll, like, make a self-depravating comment, like, 10 minutes into their 30-minute thing where they're like, I know, I'm going on and on. And I'm like, cool, so you're self-aware, so you're going to stop. Yeah. And then they keep going. No, they're not. The contract is, now they're passing the ball to you, I think, when they say that. Yeah.

They're like, okay. You're going to have to shut me up. Yeah, you're going to have to hit me with a sack full of nickels. Yeah. Put me to sleep. You're going to have to fight my wife. Spinning it for three minutes. You're like, I'm going to hit you with this if you don't stop talking.

I have to combine the two of yours together. I have talked to this guy for so long that I went into the conversation not having to pee and got to a point where I desperately had to pee in that conversation. Where it was like went on for that long. Having to go to the bathroom was one of the best things that happens at a party. Yeah, that's right. All right. All right. Thank you.

Yeah. All right. All right. All right. Now I feel like this one. might be a little too close to yours. We're all going to be scrambled by pick-rides. Yeah, I think there are a lot of mine are close,

but they're all different enough. Okay, I'm going to go for a... No, I'll say that. No, you know what? I'm going weird. Okay. Right off the top. We, I'm going, and I'm going to stick to what I originally wrote down,

even though I can tell it to you. The first two picks were a little bit more within the realm of reason, and I'm going way out of here. Is this aspirational? This is a phone call. This is aspirational. Okay. This is Southern California.

specific, I think there's a coyote in my backyard. Oh, that's good. That's good. And I've seen one back there before. So it's not a lie. It's a time shift. It's your lie. Tell it how you want.

It's not a lie. It's a time shift. And is your son back there in this situation too? Yeah, yeah. And he's not really. My boy. With a spear. And he's a little guy, you know?

You're 300ing him. You're like, I just want to make sure Arthur can get his own. Beat the coyote. Yeah. You can go back in the backyards with the coyote. There were those AI videos of like a babysit and there when a bear would come up and the house cat would come. And the first like three or four of those I saw, they got me.

There are some real, there were real ones of a cat like freaking out a bear. Maybe, but not the ones I'm talking about. It was always with a baby sitting there. Yeah. And they got me slipping. It's always the night vision ones that are AI. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's harder to tell.

Wasn't that the bunnies on the trampoline? There's so many of them. Yeah. Oh, that was fake. That was fake. Hey, wait. Oh, I love that video. Is that whale milk?

thing real? I don't know. What whale milk thing? Well, I found video on the dark web. It looks like without the captioned, it looks not. I was in the mainframe. I booted the drive. I was defragging.

And footage of a whale, you know, they drink milk of a whale calf drinking milk from its mother and it just looks crazy. Okay. And that's it. That's the whole story. And we've both seen it now. Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a whale drinking.

Here it is. It's crazy looking. It might be AI. That's what sucks. How are the whales' tits? It just shoots out in a jet. Huge. No, there's no way.

Can't be real. Is it not real? I don't know. Do they have a nipple? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Just spraying it over his head?

Just spraying the milk out. It's crazy looking. It's crazy. Is it real? We don't know. I don't know how many of it. I don't know if I wanted to be real. I don't know enough about whales to say a hard no.

Isn't it crazy that the size whales are and nobody ever talks about whale milk? That's crazy. Nah, maybe not the parties you're going to, my friend. You're going to milk parties? Whale milk parties? Maybe you stop lying about having to go to the bathroom and stick around for the interesting part of the conversation. You're going to caviar on stuff? I'm going to bear hug you and jump down the stairs.

You're going to caviar bars. I'm going to whale milk saloons. And honestly, I'll take my party. Whale milk still, I'm out of my element. I can't handle it. I'm not advanced enough for this party. I'm going to offshore whale milk raves. Where the whale takes ecstasy.

And then it's in the milk. And we just drink the milk. And then you guys just gamble on it? No, we drink the milk. And there's like just enough ecstasy for a person. But the whale's tripping too, so what's having a good time? But also just by amounts, we should be able to get some whale milk, right? That's not.

We can't make it a desirable because we're just getting a handle on the whaling problem. We're not even close. but we can't make one of their things desirable. This close to chugging whale milk, I feel like. Yeah. What I think would happen is you'd start making like whale cheese. Yeah. And then where does it stop?

Now you have shot attention. Whale cream? Whale ice cream? Oh no. Whale cream? Ice whale cream? Sperm whale cream. You wouldn't eat iced whale cream, you freaky little bastard?

Why are you calling me freaky? Because you have red leather in your car. I do have red leather in my car. He's lashing out. He's lashing out. Sean lash out with your first pick. I want, oh. Oh, my phone's going to die.

Ah, damn it. Yeah. Yeah, very specific to the phone, obviously. I think also it could work in person because everyone knows that you get so uncomfortable. Yeah, my phone's going to die. I've got to get out of here. Yeah. It's a very real thing starting to lose batteries.

And I want to get a new phone just because of that. And I don't think my wife is thrilled about it because it's still like a usable phone. But like the battery going is the, that's the worst. And then everybody carries around and I've done this. They carry around the second phone, basically. It's a battery that's the size of your phone. Yeah, the brick. That's a bridge too far for me.

That's a New York City move for me. Yeah, but it's like now I got two fucking phones. Yeah, exactly. It is a public transportation town thing for sure, because in Chicago I would do it. Yeah, yeah. I do it at airport. Like on the plane, I don't like getting the whole charger out. And sometimes I'd still use the headphones that plug into the charger.

So it's a whole thing. The headphones plug into the charger? No, sorry, the headphones plug into my phone. Oh. So then I can't plug in the charger. Yeah, I knew what you were talking about. Yeah, I've been in that situation. Yeah, phone's going to die.

Yeah. And then second one, I'm talking to someone. I say, I'm going to let you get to it. That's good. You do do that. You do do that. I'm not the dick. I'm just letting you go about your day.

Hey, time is mine. You're a, I don't know. No, just. But, yeah, you're a busy guy? Yeah, I'm going to let you get to it. Yeah. If you're in person, give them a little, you know, like. Because then they can do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I show it. I probably sure. That's one of mine. And I was going to say, I'm going to let you go. Because that's a bit, because you put it on them.

I'm doing this out of respect. And I think it's a very Midwest thing, which my whole family is Midwestern. I grew up in South Dakota. I'm in South Dakota. Whoa. I mean, no, it means, but my dad and my whole family is from South Dakota. Where? Rapid City.

I was born in Rapid City. Stop. My whole shit just changed. I feel like I'm floating five feet above everyone right now. Wait, dinosaur hill? Well, you didn't grow up. up in Rapid City. No, but there's like the dinosaur park that they lost in the flood.

At the end of town, right? There's the Flintstone Villa, Storybook Island. Storybook Island. Storybook Island. Yeah. Reptile Gardens, Rapid City maze. Crystal Cave, wind cave. Don't yawn when I'm talking about my home state.

They have a maze in the desert. All those. It's not hard enough to get out of on its own. Yeah. There he goes. So many. I've never seen. Pond shops for days.

Pond shops per white people in the town I've ever seen. I think you get one when you're born. Yeah. My dad This is sad But he was in the hospital And he What?

No My dad was He pawned his Grandpa had a big Topaz ring That he loved And wanted to give all of us So my dad pawned at one time

Because he was hard up And then he was in the hospital My uncle and me went to see him And he's like You pawn dad's ring And he flipped out So we went to Damn near every pawn shop

In Rapid City Until we found it And bought it back This is beautiful The ugliest Topaziest ass ring You've ever seen I did it

I'm going to leave you to it. I'm going to let you get to it. I'm going to let you get to it. All right, big dog, get to it. That topaz, there's a, there's a movie in there. The topaz ring. Just trying to like find this like piece of shit topaz ring. The Lord of the Topaz ring.

The Lord of the Topaz ring. A Rapid City like saga. The fellowship of Rapids City. I don't know. Yeah. It's a gem, right? It's a gem. It's worth some dough.

This was a big enough amount of topaz that I think was. I might have been able to get a mercury topaz for this ring. Whoa, pass for pass. I'm on here. I'm on first dibs. It is semi-precious. Topaz rings. What's the weight per ounce of topaz?

What's the cost per ounce of topaz right now? You can get yourself into Topaz for not too much. What are you working at Rapids City Ponds? It's not too steep of a hill to climb here. You sound like you work at the Gold Rush Pond Shop. What color is that, Topaz? This is sort of a... Like a teal?

That's right. Is it like this? I think this might be. Topaz. That might be Topaz. Buck Jordans was like, I'm not kidding. It was probably that big. Like the color of the Miami Dolphin? It took, it was a whole

thing on his, on his. If you have a Topaz to ring, is it a topas? Yeah. We'll be right back. Wait, do you stand up? No, not anymore. Yeah, South Dakota. God damn right. That's awesome. You know, I'm going to let you get to it. That's exciting.

Wait, but not Rapid City, but sorry, this is going to be. Born and Rapid then I moved to Sue Falls when I was. Sufault, my best friend lives in Sioux Falls. Really young. Now, I don't want to divulge age here, but I am 44. Would your friend be in my age range? She's also a millennial. Are you comfortable giving me their name?

I don't know if I should say it on a podcast. I don't know if she wants to be known. Blip it or cut it. Well, she's a labor and delivery nurse at the Christyno. Hospital. Her name's Christy No. Oh, she just got married. What's her new last name?

Lindsey D. Is her name. If you know the D. I don't know the D. But now I have to go. But now I have to go, I got to go fight one now. What was her maiden date? I don't know what her married name is.

She's my best friend. She probably knows me and that's more important. Yeah. She's not heard of her tell. Sure. You were a famous bully. I like to focus on the comedy part. Focus on the Canadian aspect of it.

Taekwondo legend. I was also a bully for about a year in middle school. Well, I'm going to let you get to it. That's why it's growing in like this. That's why I'm getting my comeuppets. The bulliehood. It's showing itself on your face. It won't let you have anything but a go-toe.

What's your next dumb answer, bro? What's your next dumb pick? I'm unbelievable, dude. I went through the fucking fire. I was a fat kid whose last name sounds like candy. We're laughing now. It's still funny.

Years later? Still funny. You think you can get through to this? There's nothing in there. My shit's hollow like a bird. He just starts beating his chest. Oh, you're doing the Nicole forever, I think. I couldn't close the roller coaster bar.

All right. That's about the long and the short of it. Oh, that's a good. That's fun. In person, on the phone, anywhere. It's just kind of like, I think we've covered all the business we need to talk about. It's folksy. It's casual.

Yeah. It brings everything to a nice conclusion. Not abrasive. Yeah. Funny. Yeah, it's kind of fun. It's folksy. It's the kind of thing when you hear someone say it, you might be saying it for the next week or two.

Yeah. You know? It's rare. You don't hear it a lot. Yeah. That's what rare means. It's a semi-precious gem. Yeah.

Much like Topaz. Much. Now, if you had a Topaz toe ring. Cheaper by the end. Are you pushing this because I think you would look crazy. Yeah. I'm not getting to the toe ring. A rock on the dog in Wizard of Oz had a Topaz toe ring.

To-to-to-to-to-to-to. To-to-to-to. Oh, now it's three. Tototopaz? No tootopat. Tootopat? And then it got funny. And then his favorite band.

Oh. Oh. Tootototototoppa. Aerosmith. Right. Aerosmith. I'm talking about aerosmith. I don't get the bit.

Oh, man. Oh, boy. Well, that's about the long and a bit short. If it's Sarah, time for your second pick. Okay, this is hyper-specific, but I think this is for my fellow millennials especially. Candy wrapper on the phone. Oh, yes. If you pulled that off successfully?

No, I've never done it, but I've always wanted to. Yeah, that'd be cool. It's in the parent trap. She does it in the closet. You know what I'm talking about? I'll do this. I'll do this all day. Not the Lindsay Lohan, the one with the British woman?

The low-hand one. Nancy Myers. Two great houses. But who, Haley, Haley. The old one. Haley, no, not at well. What's her name? Haley Mills.

Haley Mills. Who's the OG? Let's get together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it might have to be a lighter. These are jelly bites. That was pathetic. Isaac, leave it in.

I need my punishment. I might have one. You got any pistachios in there? That would be good. That'd be a good one. That's a good one. I don't think I have anything. Oh,

Or like a Wothers or something. Something with some more metal in it or a papery. How about this? Tampong. Yeah, that's pretty good. Sarah, I think there might be something on your line. Oh, sorry, I better. I have to go to the bathroom and change my tampon.

That's just me grabbing my tapas. I just nervously. Twirling it like a villain with a mustache. She just slug. What's the crackling? Bad reception? No, it's my tampon. No, I'm just really nervous.

Yep. Yeah, that's a great one. Little chicanery is really a fun way to get out of a conversation. That parent trap is great, too. That's a movie that I'll watch anytime. Yeah. Yeah, that's a feel-good movie. Would you rather live in London or wine country?

I think wine country. Yeah, wine country. Me too. I need nature. Sonoma or like Temecula. It was more of a Sonoma. It was like a Napa Valley, for sure. It was a very wealthy feeling.

Sonoma is where we were? Yeah. I think so. So no more fucking rules. David, time for your second and third picks. So I've done this, I've done this one at parties a lot.

And I think at some point I convinced myself it was like charming. But I do think people find it off putting. I'll be like, I'm going to go look at some shit. If you're just listening. And that reaction did hurt. If you're just listening, David had the scheming hand. Yeah.

Yeah. And you were moving side to side. That's how I do it. I've done it a lot of times. And it's like one of those things when you look back to interactions, you're like, I don't think I aced that. I found a trauma. Because sometimes like you'll leave a party and you'll be like, one of these people are probably going to put me in a movie. And then, but now you look back and you're like, yeah, that was so weird.

And like it's like a lot of times when I'm at like the height of being anxious, so I'll be like sweating. Sure. And then you're like, I don't know. I don't hear you itching to go steal something. Yeah, yeah. It's like, you kind of thought it was like a catchphrasey almost. Yeah, and it wasn't. Yeah, yeah.

It wasn't. I found it charming just now. Yeah, but we're, this is my environment. Yeah, that's right. This is your house. I'm at a 10. Yeah. My shoes are orange.

Of course you loved it. They are orange. It looks good. Yeah. You got orange on that shirt, a little bit of orange on there in Marvin Gay's face. Look at that. No, it's a naked naked couple, though. There's enough on Marvin Gay's face.

Jim. Why? Naked people on there. Because of the smooching. Oh, but you can be a wicked. He goes to a Christian fundamentalist. That's where the gains are. He goes to Billy Graham's warehouse.

The gains are spiritual and physical. Billy Graham's pump house. Come home. And there it was. Billy Graham's pump house. And your third. pick. Oh, this one is more on the phone and I did this one on Saturday. Yeah. Oh, my wife's calling me. Oh, it's been an hour? Yeah. Oh, a two-partner. You got to double it. Yeah. Because you know that it's been

an hour because you see the time because you're looking at the phone because your wife's calling. Because you're speaking on speakerphone. You're not a monster talking like, and then it's like my wife's calling. Are you not mainly speaker? Okay, maybe. I found the speaker to be more monstress. Yeah, I think the speaker is

monstrous. Especially in public. No, I'm at home. I'm at home. But is someone else in your house? No. Oh, that's totally fine. My wife was calling.

It's only us in the house. Okay, okay, okay. And the cat. Nobody else is home. And the dog. I'm headphones a lot of times too. I'm out in public, it's headphones. Yeah, same.

Yeah. I wouldn't dare you speaker in public. Yeah, this is a. This is at, yeah, I'm not. Okay, okay. This is at home. You're a phone guy. I, which I love.

Well, yeah, but I think that in those exchanges, I want it to be short usually is why I'm calling on the phone. Yeah, that's right. You know what I mean? Like, when I call you guys, it's usually just, right? You don't want to have to look and wait for a text. Yeah, it's usually just like, whatever the sentence. Pick you up at nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, like, if it's a long conversation, it's like my wife's calling, oh. Oh, it's been an hour. Yeah. Because an hour is like, you don't know anybody any more than that on the phone. Definitely not. Yeah. It creates an occasion that would naturally make you look at how long it's been that you've been on the phone. Yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes I'm like waiting. Like if it's like a, like, my, I, because I try not to hit relatives with less than an hour. Yeah. Like especially like mom, brothers and stuff like that. If we're talking on the phone, I'm probably going to try to get it to up to an hour. That's very nice. Yeah.

You find it naturally happening with siblings and stuff. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And there's people, there's conversations I like having and stuff like that. Yeah. I feel like this is making me feel. I believe you. Now I'm doing scheme hands.

Yeah, you are. I'm coming out. I mean, I like talking for long ago. I got to go to the bathroom. You better come back to this podcast and not going to the other studio when you're done. Not going to Cole's shit? Why won't you date me? David!

Sarah, time for your third pick. Okay, this one's visual, but can we explain it to them after I do it? Yeah. It's this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That shows it. Sort of a raising of the hands and then like down on the legs, clap.

And a big nod at the same point. Yeah. That's good. That's good if you're like if you've been sipping with someone talking. And you do that and then you're like kind of you transition that into a get up. I see a lot of like 60 ups do this. Yeah. And we have a lot to learn from them.

And we do. Yeah. I asked them how to vote. Huh? What box do I check in there? I asked them out of boat. Is that what you said? They say you color in the bubble all the way.

Yeah. You don't leave any space. Yeah, that's a good one. What if I don't want to be perceived that much? You know? To do that? No, to color in the whole bubble. I'm not so sure about this.

It just feels very in your face. He's too certain about this. Yeah, it feels too in your face. Do you think that's a cross-cultural? Do you think that like you could go and have a conversation, you know what I mean, in Mandarin where someone's trying to talk to you and you're done with it and you're just like run into that move? Do you think it would drink?

And then they think you're hit. on them. It might be something different. They're like, oh, she's rubbing your thighs at me.

Isaac, you grew up in Korea. What was it? Where to go? In Korea. What city? Seoul. That?

Seoul. Seoul. Seoul. Seoul. Seoul. Seoul. Seoul. One more time.

I think you're going too deep. Am I going too far? Yeah. One more time? Seoul. Seoul. Yeah.

There we go. Is there a little bit of an H? Yeah. It's a soft-ass. Seoul. Seoul. Uncoachable.

Yeah, you guys are doing it. Thank you. You don't play Kados. You motherfucker. You're basically fluent. He just had to go to the bathroom. Let yourself be loved. We weren't doing it.

Let yourself be loved. It sounded like fucking he-ha in here. You know that wasn't right. You know that wasn't right. I think I got pretty close at the end. You know you did it. I think I get. Look at your heart right now.

You guys are coachable is not what I want here. Look at your heart. There's nothing in there. They held the seatbelt extension like it was a championship belt. Just walking it down the aisle. Somebody need this? The fat kid needs more seatbelt. Can you imagine?

Can you even imagine? Where's that, bad boy? Are there non-verbal cues that you have found cross-cultured, or are there any that are specific to Korea that we don't really have? I think there are a bunch. None come to mind you, I haven't, I don't spend a lot of time immersed in the culture of my heritage. It's probably an unfair question to ask you. Yeah.

You were the best place to go to of people in this room. That's true. Or, I mean, have you found that with, like, in Sierra, when you go back to Visasira Leon at all? That there's, like, verbal cues that do or don't cross? Oh, you know what they get mixed up? Uh-uh and uh-huh. Oh, interesting. Which is weird.

Yeah. But, like, it just seems like it's not consistent what it means. Yeah. Like, but that's, that's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And then, but that's the main one, really.

One did come to mind. Bowing is a way that you will say hello and goodbye in Korea. So a lot of times people will just literally bow out, as in they will bow. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I'm out of the conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be handy.

Bow out? Is that where that comes from? Is that where that comes from? May. I'm going to bow out? Probably, right? Bow out of the race. Bow out.

Maybe that's it. It actually comes from dog culture. A bow out. Bow out. Bow out. Bow out. Does the disappointing look on your face? Actually.

I'm having a great time. Yeah, that's good. Excellent picks there. We're going to get to my next pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Factor. Listen, it's summertime. I'm not trying to be sitting in the kitchen cooking all the time.

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can take you. But give it a shot. If you've got summer travel plans coming up, now is the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on this trip. Right now, Babel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babel.com slash all fantasy. That's babel, b-ab-b-e-el.com. com slash all fantasy for up to 60% off rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything already in progress. It's time for me to make my third pick. To know this, you have to know that I have a son named Arthur.

This is phone specific or at the park. And it goes like this. Arthur! Yeah, that's good. And I'm out. Yep. That's good. And I'm out.

You don't even say goodbye. No, I'm Arthur. And then I'm out. Can't even question you. Happened at a birthday the other day. Maybe he's trying to eat. Some kind of toilet mint. Absolutely.

Could be like jamming bark dust into his face. You know what I mean? Any number of things. They do that shit. Yeah, they do. Bunkers. Yeah. Trying to go down a slide that's way too big for him.

He's one and a half. How many months is he? Thank you so much. 16 months. Okay, great. Now I have a full sense of where he's at developmentally. Mutual friend, their kid at daycare felt sick. So they took him in the doctor.

X-ray showed they had a bunch of rocks in their stomach. Wow. They were just eating rocks. That's what the girl, the girl I nanny is 21 months. Yeah. Worlds of difference. Those curls. Oh, is that my son?

Oh, yeah. You fucking, you fucking. You stole your kid thunder. You know what I figure someone else's kid in front of them is. I felt simultaneously violated and very loved. That's such a flex. No, it feels very loving. It is.

It's a picture I said to Alana when I was at your house every day. It really feels, I honestly feel honored and loved by it. You're in it too. Yeah. Oh, he's so cute. He's so cute. It's a little artie. It was just a cute picture and I had it.

He's a little guy. 16 months is fun. It's so fun. He's learning so much so fast. He's talking. He's walking. It's great. So fun.

When I was little, they took me, I had to get my stomach x-rayed and they saw dogs in there. I got that dog in there. And I was diagnosed. at a very early age. They x-rayed he's like he's so many bones

it's like he's built different yeah there's different bones in you your son is built like a Dotson

he's built like a transfer dog my son is built like a 1984 four Ford Bronco

dude he is that kid is thick yeah those Broncos are sturdy yeah no I was saying

the doctor was telling your mom that because you had a dog inside oh me well yeah

yeah I was to talk about yourself Oh like a Dotson oh I think said Dotson Oh, it sounded like that. Dashing.

Daushund. What's the weirdest thing you guys ever ate as kids? Raw hamburger. Raw, like raw beef. I don't know why. I thought you were going to say pussy. It was so weird I was only four. But I'm a giver.

Learned early on. I ate butter. Yeah, butter by the spoon. I used butter for days. It hung like that. Just laid on a little. I don't eat ants. Nothing like non-organic, I think.

It was all, it was just a lot of food. Really? I would just put Barbie shoes in my mouth and just, well, because you guys didn't have Barbies. They were around. Barbecue shoes were around my house. They were delicious. And some of them, you could suction cup to your tongue. I was literally what I was just about to ask you.

What did I used to be? Oh, pen lids. Which one? Pen lids. Oh, yeah. We would chew off erasers and stuff. That would be. Oh, I would eat erasers.

Straws. To bend up straws and chew on those Real bad for your enamel I found out Now Isaac in Korea what kind of stuff In shoes Just go to you too much Our international correspondent Over there

Ah Isaac yeah Sean time for your third and your fourth picks Crap You did you see how crap And get off the phone or is that the strangest thing you ate as a kid? That would work It was good catching up Oh that's nice

Yeah that was good Yeah, just a natural kind of. It's good catching up. There you go. I feel like that kind of puts a stamp on it. I don't believe you. It was good catching up. This feels, I got to say.

What? You don't think I say this? No, I do. I believe you say it. It feels a little like it wasn't. It's always good catching up for the most part. When you say it was good catching up. It's a little bit like, hey, shut up.

I'm leaving. Yeah, it was good catching up. Yeah, now I hate it. That was supposed to be better. That's like talking to like Laura's ex-boyfriend if I meet him. All right, cool. It's good catching up.

Can I give you a line read? Nice movie show. Can I give you a line read? Yeah. Oh, do you. Yes. I'm not as in as you are. What does that mean?

You're just going to do it for me? Oh, wait, you're going to set me up. No, I'm going to give you a way to do it. Okay. Man, it was good catching up. Yeah. I believe it. Well, that was crazy.

Oh. Your response, though. felt. It didn't feel right. I wish I could say the same. I bought a plane ticket with less than 24 hours notice earlier today. I'm flying tomorrow morning. You never done that before? Okay. Well, it was great catching up. I just want to let you guys know that that's the energy

I have today. That's a good way to get out of the conversation. You want to know what energy I have? I bought a plane ticket. I don't have two more picks. I'm scared. Wow! That's a time! I know. I have shitty ones. Yeah. I have shitty ones. Yeah. It was good catching up. It was good catching up. It really was. Yeah. Yeah. I think

adding the man to the front of it? I like that. Man. The little smooge? Yeah. Oh, the heat coming off as palm is really nice too. I generate a lot of heat. That lets me know that you really weren't to catch it up. Not just in the industry either. Or at all. Especially not the industry. Body-wise I'm talking about. Body-heat. If Predator was after me, I'd be fucked. No amount of mud could cover you up. Sean, your fourth bag?

man can I still do it it's close to yours I think so I gotta go there's a snake in here that's a little too close to the coyote is it no not really it kind of is is a snake in here? Yeah yeah yeah in here in here How often

Would you like to be on it? Can I be honest? Yes I watched the social network about two days ago and there's a scene where When is that not the case? Dakota Johns, you're right. She goes to the bathroom, though, and he wants her to come back out and he goes, there's a snake in here.

And I've always thought it was so goddamn funny to get someone's attention. But it would be, I was thinking on the phone, I'd be like, oh, there's a snake in here. I got to go. And nobody can say anything. Okay. You know, I grew up in the place you live. There are snakes every now and then make their way indoors. Our cat used to bring in.

We have 13 cats. Yeah. They'd bring in snakes every now and again. Yeah. And what's someone going to be like, well, that's not a good enough reason? Hunters. It's a good reason. Nocturnal.

You can use it only once, much like my coyote thing. Yeah. Yeah. Snake seems so, I feel like you could do that with spider multiple times. Yeah, spider for sure. There's a spider right there. I got to go. Yeah. Snake seems like one hit.

Yeah, but I don't have to go. Oh, I don't have to go. Not as a husband or a father? I'm a protector. I got to go get my gun. That's what I got to do. We have a spider-sized hole in the wall. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. I go, if there's a big, I got to go. Just because I know I'm going to be held accountable by my spider. And I won't, I also don't kill stuff anymore. Ever since the kiddo,

I can't kill a spider. So I got to like trap them and take them outside. Whoa. I can't like take the shoe to it. A silver. You hear that spiders? Free game. Come over to my house.

You're all welcome. I will kill a house centipede and a dozen buffalo wings. Those are the two things. What about a field centipede? The only ones I'm talking about are those house centipedes. Oh. wait. Damn, no.

I'm gonna go outside. I can't go. I can't get up this road. Yeah, those house centipedes are, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, those are the most disgusting thing you could possibly see. And there's no catching them. And if I could catch it, I wouldn't, they're so fast. Yeah.

They're like the fastest. They're like so fast, bro. I don't think I could kill anything that would crunch. Like, once it gets so big that it would make a crunch. Yeah. Or at least behind sort of like the inside of a Danish. What if it makes like a weird smush, like when you do a moth? They make a weird smush?

Yeah. I don't kill moths. Never? Hmm. Our journey continued. Wow. There's those little to us. This is so us.

You know the little toads? My nephew stepped on one when he was like five or something, and it was so, it just oozed out of every side of his shoe. And now we can jump real high. He absorbed. He absorbed it. He absorbed its soul. Now he's going to the special school run by a guy in a wheelchair. It's crazy.

Dr. Frog Xavier. That's what Frog Downs about. I got to go. There's a snake in here. All right. This one is this specific. All right, here we go. I got to go.

There's a snake. Anyway. And you has to have a yawn in it. It almost had a natural. Oh, no, you're going to get me. Anyway. I can't. I have a wave.

It won't crest. My yawn won't crest. Oh, I feel so awful. It really doesn't feel good. I'm off my game now because of it. I have a yawn in here. But it's a yawn. It's in any way with a yon.

Fuck. Sounded like that was coming out of your throat. They're doing dental surgery? There's a podcast where they just do dental surgery? They are actually. Danny Pouty's getting dental surgery in the next room. Danny Pudy. That's because I said it yesterday.

It's quite a full. Yeah. Yeah. It's the yawn with the. Wouldn't it be funny of his name was Panny Doody? Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah, that would be. Panty Doody.

Underwood Panty Doody? That's a good way to get off the phone. If you have a kid. You got a panty duty? I'm not going to ask what that means. Oh, cool. Oh, I thought you were doing the end of the conversation. I can't get the full yawn.

It really is frustrating. It's in any way with a yawn and it gets you right out of there. you're right out of there. Because now I feel bad. Like, I don't want to keep you if you're that tired. It's not just like it's the sigh after a satisfied meal. You know what I mean? It's like, we've really like, oh, that was great.

Like, we've run it out. Like, and it's a yawn. I got to get going. You feel it too. Oftentimes another person will yawn. It's a contagious thing. It sounded like a yawn would be like a new way to say Ian. I'm workshoping here today.

I'm debuting it. I want to start going by a yawn. A ya. And yeah, it's a yawn within any way. And that's it. You're out time for your fourth pick? This is one that I don't think I would ever do, but I was running out of ideas. Just getting really mean.

That last thing you said was stupid. You want to keep talking to me? Yeah, just like turning on them immediately. Let's talk about your DUI. Why don't we do that? Have you tried being so difficult at work? You can talk about. You talk like...

Talks like cookie monster. It's funny. You're ugly, but you're ugly, but you're ugly. Uglyer when you talk. Yeah. I've actually had a terrible time talking to you. Your breath smells like shit. I can tell.

I can tell. It's hot on the phone. You still skipping showers? Verizon just dropped me because of you. No one's ever going to love you. Wow. So deep. Yeah.

No, I just got to go. How could anyone love you? It sounds so nice when you say it, and that hurts so much more. Holy cow. I've got to get another call where I'm talking about you to someone else. Yeah, you can't really hate. It's a good strategy. Is that all you have to say?

Oh, you're going to keep talking? Great. Do you ever feel that long enough into a conversation where you're, like, mad at them for keeping you on? The reason that I came with this idea today was because there's a woman in my community garden. Yeah. And her plot is next to mine. And I know more about her than I know about anyone I love. And I've never asked her a question in my life.

But, I mean, you don't know your best friend's last name. Well, she's my best childhood friend. The road gets rockier over there. I know it's really bad. No, I appreciate him calling me out. You guys can't do this because we're not close like that. He can do it. It's the manatee leather couch.

It brings people closer together. The speed of the sea cow. Yeah. Yeah. It is nuts when somebody just starts going into, just going into their day just because you're there. Like you're just within your shot. Oh, she'll say, she'll say insane stuff.

We don't lean politically similar. She's a liberal. I can't stand it. Yeah, no, she just said she, I know all about her childhood and where she's from and her relationship with all our kids and her job and yeah, I just don't. How much do you think she knows about you? Nothing. That's always tough, too.

You don't want to ask me any questions? Yeah, I don't think she knew my name for a couple months. And I already knew her kids' names and her work schedule. Yeah, I get off at four. It's hard to be down here by five. She does get off before because that's when she comes with the garden. Has anyone explained to her like the idea behind a community garden is also like the core tenet of like a leftist politics? Well, I will also say she has two plots.

Get the, of course she does. And she doesn't even fill them up. This fucking. No one's ever going to love her. This gendered insult. No. I think that's the one I'm going to have to resort to when I see her. No one's ever going to love you.

You should. You should. Are her plots really nice? No, they're mostly dirt. She doesn't, she can't fill them up. And yeah, she'll have like one arugula, one, I don't know. And she spends so long in there, too. You would think she was doing something.

Oh, because she's just in there to gab. She doesn't even. Mm-hmm. Why get the plots? Just hang out. She's probably thrown away zucchini and stuff, too. you know what I mean? Instead of sharing it with people.

Oh, she's a Zook tosser from way back. Tossing. Speaking of Zooks, come Zook season, I need more friends because I got too many Zooks. You got, well, one of them is in Portland, but you got three L.A. based. You can mail Zooks. There's nothing illegal about FedEx and some Zooks. Really? I think it does.

You're not going to want to mail a Zoot. Don't fill it with heroin, but. Or do. Or do. Don't tell me. That's what the extra space in them is. And then I may or may not flip it and cut you in. Then you can buy those plots.

You don't have talked to this dips. anymore. Okay, right, you're on. I'm going to get your number. Sounds pretty good. It feels like we've established a good, a good base-level working relationship. Yeah, I don't need to do these anymore.

I don't need to do these anymore. Dave, it's time for your fourth and then your final fix. My fourth one is like, do you ever do this? I've done this more times than I'd like to admit. Just decide you're leaving right then. Like somebody starts talking to you're like actually I'm on my way out and then just go And then leave and then do it like doesn't matter how long I was there It's like yeah I started doing it a lot more once I started living alone

Because it was because before I mean you guys remember when I had roommates I would be like out with you Like we came together we're in a group you can't really do that but once I started being row like solo Yeah I was actually on my way out the more that I don't want to be a places, the more I let myself do this. Because the older I get, like you were saying, being in public, it's not amazing most of the time. So if I just decide I want to go, I'll do that.

I'm out. I just, I like to be out on my own terms. Yeah. You know what I mean? I like going to places by myself and stuff like that. But just parties sometimes. You're just like, I'm actually on my way out. Yeah, I got a powering. You can hurt, though. If you're the person, you're like, I was the person

who said, who made you say I'm going to leave. But you're not. They don't know that. This is going to sound like, there's no way this doesn't sound bullshit, but it's not you. It's me. No, I think it's me. No. No, I know what you mean.

I know what you mean. Yeah, it's like people who can't. But there will be those where you're like, the evening has made itself evident. And if this is what it's going to be, I'd rather be at home right now. And I'd like to think I've done enough field research to know. What about house research? Can I make that joke? because it was a callback to one you made.

Jury's out. It was a callback to one you made. Drop a comment about house parties. Let us know. Isaac, I think we found the breakout. Let us know in the comments. What you thought about Ian Carmel making that joke. Remember, I'm not white.

I'm Jewish. Remember, those are different. Depending on who's commenting. Yeah, they're different. We're going to hit the weird algos. It's bad in different ways, no matter who's saying it. This is complicated. Yeah.

Avril Levy. What I was going to say was, I've done enough, I've been at parties enough to know when it's going to end. Like, I know how it's going to end pretty much always. Yeah. That's why I get so fed up. Like when I was younger, I would want to stay at the party because maybe something crazy. Yeah, you can't leave. But now nothing's going to happen.

We're all old. No, I'm going to just go, man. I'm just going to feel worse in the morning. The longer I'm here, the worst tomorrow morning is. Yeah, I want to go. I want to see what Stella's doing. Yeah. It's nice when you like being at home.

Yeah. It's a problem. Yeah. It's not a problem. No, it isn't. I like being home more than I ever have in my entire life. That's an amazing thing. It's getting scary.

My New Year's resolution had to be to, I have to leave the house more often. Yeah. Because I was liking it at home way too much. I also, I do a thing that requires me to leave the house and talk to strangers. Yeah. So like when I start cutting that I'm a prostitute I'm a prostitute

I think of nothing funny about that Nothing Sex worker Field worker Oh now's not the time to run it down Now you leave me Now you leave me on this hell

I don't know what to say I don't know the next way to go How are playing dirty games Houseworker? Houseworker Jews control the media And the weather I was bidding.

I was doing... This is why I can't leave my house. Isaac, we have two breakouts for this episode. More work for me. Again, I'm Jewish. The joke. Lampooning. Satire, people, the things they say about my people.

Harmful stereotypes. The Irish being very respectful on this end of the couch. And I'm a woman. So, you can't come after any of them. But if you do, how do they feel about women? Maybe start your way at Sean and work your way down. Historically, a lot of misogyny.

How do they feel about women? A lot of misogyny. Not great. Show mystic kind of culture. We're working on it, I think. David, time of your final pick. All right, then. Oh, very good.

And I tell the homies, all right, then. Yeah. Oh, the song, too. Kind of easy when you listen to the G-D-Up. You're talking It's an exact volume That is like I hear speakers bump it

As I smoke on the panel It really is fucking me up I don't like That exactly It's not your voice I love your voice It's one of my favorite sounds In the world

It's that exact volume Your voice is smooth And I don't think people Tell you that enough I didn't know until you sang that Song just now What? Yeah

Hold on what are you guys saying That's really sweet You have a smooth voice You do At a low volume Yeah Sick Oh geez

Thanks. That's dope as hell. All right then. All right, then. Sarah, your final pick. Oh, there's another one? Yeah, five rounds. 16 rounds.

Hold on you. I wrote some down. We usually order in dinner. I knew this is going to happen. Okay, let's see what we got in here. Whoa, do you have drawings in there, too? No, it's my calendar. Oh.

But I did draw it. I'm always so impressed when people have their notebook and then their sketches too in it. I don't have time for that. Those days have happened already. Those days have happened all right. Yeah, because I Xed him out. But this is next month. Oh, and those haven't happened yet.

Okay. What's your favorite month? Do you hear that? My favorite month? Yeah. February. Okay. Is it really?

It's one of my birthday is and I like cozy. I like it when it's cold. Happy belated birthday. What's dating from? I'm from Fresno, but my heart's in South Dakota. Damn right. That is. You're the first person who ever said that.

People are going to think. we hired an actor to come here and make John feel great about themselves. No one's ever had anything good to say about it except for me. Okay, this one might be too similar to one you said, but I did have, whoa, what time is it? Yeah, that's good. Like you lost track of time in this great conversation. And you don't have to say why you need to be aware of this time.

Oh, yeah. Wait, hold on, what time is it? Yeah. Okay, I got to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. That's a really good one. Okay, this is a meta one.

This is a meta one. This is one that I have rarely said, although one of my good friends has said it almost 500 times. It is a conversation that we do here. Shaclacchity. You do that? No. Louis Weaumet.

Well, the original, so we end every podcast with David saying Shaclacchia. Okay. A bit of stolen valor on my end. Oh, okay. But that is... People have it tattooed. They don't even know I didn't make it up. Yeah, it's crazy.

They think, right, they have a... Technically have a Louis Weymouth. Who's writing for S&LUK right now. Very funny. Snoke Huh? All right Oh say snork

Snork? Yeah I tried to sound it out Oh Synlux Snooks Anyway But I'm taking you saying Shakity

To end this conversation Shackety That's how we end the conversation That's good But it's based off You went out of picks too It's yeah that's right It's based on a

It's based on a sound effect Of my friend Louis Hanging up a rotary phone Like Oh well I'll see I'll see you in court Shacklecky. And then it senses become a saying, well, David's saying, Shalakity

the end of the podcast. How did we even start at that? That I was saying it. It doesn't even make sense. I don't know. Didn't Ken John say it on a show one time? I've only talked to Louie like twice in my life. Yeah. We don't like know each other. But it was on the podcast once. One of them was on podcast. And you took everything he had. Yeah. That's what I do.

Yeah. This is my best friend. Fun couch over there. Watch out for David's horse rating videos on Instagram. The dance begins. Sean, your final pick, the final pick of the podcast? This is on the phone. Oh, shit.

Everything's good, but I got to go. Oh, that's good. Oh, wow. I've seen you do that. He's writing out a podcast like that. Because then they won't follow up because you said it. You got to say everything's good. You can't be like, shit, I got to go because then they're going to obviously say is everything okay.

Yeah. And you're like, yeah, you suck. But yes, everything's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, if you're like, shit, everything's good, I got to go. Yeah. What I think is like, your wife has just been like. Yeah, it's very John.

He's very Sean. I picture your wife being like, but also because you are, and I'm just going like, you're very big on like not wanting people to freak out. Yeah, well, because I freak out so easy. Like, yeah, you're like, it's not a big deal. That's like how you.

I freak out so easy on the tiniest things. I'm so stressed about anything. So I always assume that everyone else is just a treat at all. You say freaks it easy? Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I'll freak it hard too, though.

Jesus Christ You have a picture Yeah Isaac You have a picture Yeah I do this earnestly But sometimes I do it deceitfully

Yeah I will say Oh I got to let my dog out Like my dog needs to pee Okay Now he's got to go to the bathroom I don't know which one you've been doing to us No most of the time it's earnest

Because my dog always kind of needs to pee And she'll beg to go outside I relate But sometimes I'm like She don't need if I just took her out An hour ago But I'm like

want this conversation to end. Yeah. I'll do it. Blame someone else. That's what, whenever I have a partner. Blame Hannah. Whenever I have a partner,

if they want to get out of something, I'm always like, just blame me. Oh, absolutely. Tell them I don't want you to go. I don't care. Yeah. It's great. Like them.

You know what I've, I've gone where I'm like, she never does it, but I'm like, if you want to put my name at the end of that email, it's fine. Like, we have a joint email. And if it wants to be like joint email? Wow.

Yeah. For like preschool and stuff. Oh, yeah. What did you sign up for own? fans with. Weirdly your email. Whoa. No, but like if it's a heated email, like you can put my name, it doesn't matter one bit

if you want to be like, oh, Sean sent this. I had a couple of hard Fs. And a couple hard emojis. We like Sean F F. Yeah. Is that what you mean? Sean, Jordan. John F.

John Forton? He just spelled his name wrong. Sean Jordan Maxine Or just FFF FFFF F F FOMA F comma and then your name's

like Oh part no it's from Sean I don't give a good hard F you just write out hard F but you know what I'm saying

yeah I'm not gonna write it but you know what I'm saying Frigg yeah all you my wife like she'll be like just tell him I'm sick

or whatever yeah oh yeah also the kid pretend they're sick that's huge Great. Great.

I can't do it because I just feel like if they get sick then, then I'll feel like it's my fault. I didn't say Arthur Barfed. Yeah, Barfer. Barthor. Arthur to Barthor. Don't let that catch on. No. Arthur to Barfer.

That would suck. That would suck if that's his big thing. I gave him a pretty good party party or Artie Smarty. Either one. Yeah. Artie Farty is there. But that could be cool. Yeah.

Maybe he'll own it. Yeah. And farts are funny. until they're not. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. Especially in a name.

And then they're funny again. And then the, yeah, it goes back around the horn. Sophomore year through college will be tough, but then it'll be cool again. Yeah. Unless he's on the football team. That's true. And it's fine the entire time. Are you going to let him play football?

New. Not even whether I'm going to let him around. I was like nuts. No. We're the last guys who got to play football. Me and you. Yeah. Oh, you guys played.

Oh, huge contend. My mom has that. Three played football. I played football too. You can tell we played football. I played football. I played I also played football. And started on varsity.

Sean did just splits in front of everybody. So if you've been sort of detecting a calm but masculine, strong energy. Yeah. From Isaac. Because he did play football. He's really worried about me. He's the only one who did.

He's a poetry major. That's why you're getting that energy in the room. We're all just thinking about shit. Sean majored in floater. College. Sean Major in the city high in college. No, I wouldn't let him play, but my wife especially won't let him play. Yeah.

He was a NICU baby. And she made his brain, so she gets to decide where it goes. And it's not one too. No, we're going to run out of football players. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know. It'll just be Texas versus Louisiana. The SEC, I don't think people are not going to.

The middle is pretty thick with players still. I'm going to try to get old artie into tennis, not even at a high level, but just sort of a resort level tennis. We're thinking volleyball and gymnastics. He's a tall daughter. I want to get rich enough. 100% up. I want to get rich enough to get one of those sports

that like people aren't that good at. They're just rich. Yeah. Polo fencing. Polo. That type of thing where it's just like, yeah, 150 kids play this. So you'll probably be great. Yeah.

Rowing. Yeah. Rowing's a good one. One of the fencing like, like there was like two schools in American. One of them was in my neighborhood where I grew up. So there were like, I went to, my friend who I went to high school with married a gold medal fencer.

Wow. Because he just met her in high school. Wow. Yeah. We did fencing at my school, but it was a performance arts school. So we also did like clowning in the same semester. Yeah. And your fencing was with like, from hell's heart I stab at me.

Like that kind of. No, we had the whole, though, and we did the whole get up and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you had to all look like beekeepers. Yeah. And then we go to our beekeeping class.

You buy your thumb at me? And then the swords come out. You do that first. The first one from Health Rodis Stabby, Moby Dick? Maybe? Thank you for the confidence, but not a big reader. Let's see where it's from. Moby Dick's a book, yeah?

Who wants to guess? It is for Moby Dick. I was going to say Moby Dick. Come on. Good job. Fah, Fah, Fah, Moby Dick. Herman Puff, Melville. To recap, David, you went first?

You took? I gotta go to the bathroom. I'm going to go look at some shit. Oh, my wife's calling me. Oh, it's been an hour. All right. And then you're just leaving. I'm going to leave.

I'm on my way out. And then, all right, then. Sarah, you went second you took, all right, or, all right, or, all right. Candy wrapper on the phone. I like that one. My tampon. I'm going to go change my tampon. Getting really mean.

And then I went, oh, what time is it? I went third. I took, I think there's a coyote in my backyard. And that's about the long and the short of it. And Arthur. And anyway. And Shackety. Sean, you went last.

My phone's going to die. All right. I'm going to let you get to it. It was good catching up. See how that feel. And then I got to go. There's a snake in here. And oh, shit.

Everything's good, but I got to go. Oh, shit. Did you say, oh, shit. Yeah. Yep. Oh, shit. Everything's good, but I got to go. We want to hear yours.

Hit us up at All Fantasy Podcast at gmail. Shout to everyone on the All Family Everything. Patreon, where you can get auction draft episodes, mailbag is episodes, this or that episodes. Our live episodes. our belly watch-along, more movie watch-alongs that maybe have come out yet, but probably not because of this World Cup show.

But soon, but soon, thank you to our wonderful producer, Isaac Kay Lee, on the ones and twos. Putting in words the last four days. What was his? Using my dog as an excuse. Isaac, who just produced 11 podcasts in four days. Let's honestly...

Thank. You guys, too, obviously. You guys did 11 podcasts. The fucking greatest. Thank you so much. job we've ever had. To Sarah Naiman are wrapping up the week

and it could not have been a bigger joy. Thank you so much. You were so funny. I found a new best friend. I know, yeah. This is really special. Yeah. It's going to be tumultuous.

Yeah, that's the best part. It grows on you. Shout out to the AFE subreddit, the A. F.E. Shasathe Shat out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout to Frank Yoshan. Shout to Say the Dude to Saddh the dude. Shout to Hodjee beats.

It's more important than all that. Tune again next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy, everything. field work. No. Shalcatee. All right, all right, all right.

That was a Headgum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode.

We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot.

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.