All Fantasy Everything - Ways to Spend Time as a Teen (w/ Clare O'Kane, Chris Charpentier, David Gborie & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: January 27, 2022

Happy Thursday y’all! Ian definitely didn’t go to Bolivia to see what all the fuss was about! This week Sean and David act as co-captains to draft Ways To Pass Time As A Teenager! Joining us this week are fellow wayward youths Clare O’kane and Chris Charpentier. Your parents don’t want you to listen, but do it anyway!    Episode Guests: Clare O'Kane @clareokaneclare IG: @clareisokane Chris Charpentier @Charpiecomedy IG: @chrischarpie   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.    Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. at some point, and boy was there a time to pass. On this episode, we are joined by two absolute gems. First, we have actor, writer, and comedian Claire O'Kane. Now, you've seen Claire in just about every single festival you can imagine, as well as on Comedy Central and Viceland. If you happen to be in New York on February 19th, then go check out Claire's solo show at Lifeworld. Second, we have returning guest Chris Charpentier. Now, Chris is an absolutely hilarious comedian as well and a fan favorite on all Fantasy Everything. You can see Chris

performing all over the country and could not be more highly recommended by the Good Vibes gang. Do yourself a favor and cop Chris's debut album, Brain Thoughts, on a special thing records right now. Stepping in as interim host for Ian Carmel, I am Sean Jordan, joined as always by Bolivia's favorite son and known boat enthusiast David

Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that's normal host is on a plane right now from New York to Los Angeles. So I'm taking over for a second unless I blow it. And then David's gonna take over and if David blows it then I don't know Claire Sharpie's taking over that's how it's gonna go at this party oh that was a dab

that's how you do it so I dab I dab Claire I dabble and everybody gets upset with me it's the fucking worst I do it like well it's a joke David thinks I'm serious but I always go fucking worst. Well, how do you do it? I do it. Like, well, it's a joke. David thinks I'm serious, but I always go like this. Don't make him do it.

Don't make him do it. It pisses him off so bad. I like doing that, too. Every once in a while, I'll try to do the smallest dab in the world. Yeah, do it. Let's hear it. That was still pretty dope, though. That was way dope than what I do.

I look like a dipshit when I do it. But it's fun. I have fun, David David and that's the whole point okay all this you're having a party at your house right now and I can't dab what am I doing I'm at work yeah me too Sam talent's running the party Sam's there yeah can Sam come say hi real quick he that's the only thing that he wants in the world. Please don't give it to him. You don't want it to happen? Yeah, Chris knows exactly what I'm talking about.

You can't do it this early. If you're going to do it, do it within the last five minutes. Otherwise, he's going to be in here for the next hour and a half. Tell him if he puts jeans on, he can just be on the episode. He's like a puppy. Exactly. You can't give him the meat before dinner and then he'll pass out it is so funny to know like exactly what someone wants and then just be like i don't know

maybe maybe maybe in a little bit yeah how's everybody how you guys doing great day dog i think we're supposed to do am i allowed allowed to talk right now? Yeah, dude. Yeah, you can talk at any point. We've gone to hell. I don't know what the hell is going on. Full disclosure. No way. I'm doing an amazing job hosting. You're nailing it.

You're nailing it. Yeah. Let's hear some of those Claire O'Kane... Yeah, there you go. That person that just asked if we could talk right now is Claire O'Kane. Now, let me make sure I get this right. Claire Kane Claire on Twitter and Claireire o'kane now let me make sure i get this right claire

claire kane claire on twitter and claire is o'kane on ig did i did i nail it oh yeah yeah dude yeah daddy did some research i'm out here doing it how you living claire it's been so long you have to do some of the credits you have to be like you know her from the Pirates of Penzance at Laney College. You may have seen her on an Orphalion, Orphalion, Orphalion commercial. Whoa. There's a third. Are you the third Orphalion? What the hell is that?

Is it like a table retailer? It's an overpriced dentist. The third Orphalion would say, what the hell is that? As if to say they're not the third or falling i see what you're doing i get it nah i don't i don't got dental money i'm good my teeth are intact um so far i mean it's hard to say sometimes they're i look at them and i go is there a part missing to one or two teeth and then i know exactly what you mean well maybe it's just a shadow lots of different different things happening to my body as i age uh i just got off an airplane from jfk to lax also oh jet setter how was that it was fine it took a Delta one first class. I've been on Delta one before.

It's good. They got they got champagne in there. You get light all the way down. Corpse. Corpse style. It's like having an apartment. Yeah. It's one of those where you can lay like fully flat. Yeah.

Yeah. You can bring chicks in there. Yeah. Like baby chickens. Yeah. Yeah, you can bring chicks in there. Yeah, like baby chickens. Yeah, like you can have baby chickens in Delta One. Can you just like open a door and like if the steward comes up and you just like open the door and crack it, be like, no, you can't come in. And then shut the door again.

Damn, I wish. No, it's not that private yet. But you can take your shoes off and nobody seems to care. That's nice. No, they got shoes off up there. Yeah. Really? They got little compartments

for your shoes yeah stuff really lay down eyes out is it only on like five hour flights i think can i get one of these to denver i think you could yeah you got if you find it yeah you can find it aren't there a lot of gold gold moguls in denver or something a lot of rich guys going over there gold panners no that's a scam a lot of gold moguls i don't know what you're referring to is the 49ers oh yeah from history and those were out here california way yeah yeah yeah that's about it for me all right what do you uh what do you got coming up you got anything that you like to point people towards anywhere people can find your work see what you've been ups to you can you can catch all my little stuff at clareocane.com um but i i got a link tree on

my instagram that's new uh i got i'm doing a solo show in los angeles on three dates 3 29 that's march 29th for you europeans year of our lord 2022 yes i'm doing that at the elysian theater which have you guys done have you been there yet no no that's beautiful no used to be owned by scientologists yeah so that's why you know it's nice then. Does it have, yeah. Does it have all that juju in there? It's got weird, bad juju. They had.

Yeah, you could feel it. They used to put on plays, I guess, about, you know, the guy. Like his life. Elrond. Yeah. I thought for years that his name was Elrond. Like E-L-R-O-N-D. Oh, yeah.

Elrond. Yeah. Elrond Hubbard's different than elrond yeah elrond knows where the good cheetos are at yeah yeah he smokes black and milds in the house yeah elrond definitely has apartment parties those are gonna come up later do you remember wine black and mild i'm sorry i'm saying pigs do i remember dude so when i first moved to portland i did that like i wasn't smoking like i quit smoking and then i was like well i'll just get i'll just get some black and milds because i don't inhale and then why do people think that smoking black and milds is better

than smoking cigarettes because you don't inhale it. And then two weeks later, you're just buying as many black and milds as you would cigarettes. Yeah. Smoking black and milds. And it's horrible for you. Convincing yourself that the cream ones are the lights. Yeah, dude. I used to think that was smoother than butter. Smoking a wine black and mild.

Walking down the street in Portland. 29 years old. I remember, though. I remember, though, going through a point where I realized, wait, I've never seen literally than butter smoking a wine black and mild walking on the street in portland 29 years old i remember though i remember though going through a point where i realized wait i've never seen literally one adult smoke these yeah no you break them into blunts and stuff like you never see like a grown man like oh hard day work i'm gonna unwind with a black and mild that really had a full body mouth feel that black and mild really coated everything your teeth feel like you got hair on them after like two puffs like oh all you taste is black and mild for the next week yeah uh well i'm sure we'll get into black miles a little bit more but so the show is uh is it like a one is it like a one night show

i'm doing it for one night unless by some miracle it sells out. Maybe like a nice church group buys out a couple of seats or something. Go to the show. Everybody listening in the LA area, go to the show. If you're not in the Los Angeles area, get to the Los Angeles area and go to the show.

It's kind of sad. Bring some black and whites. Bring a couple of B&ms for your girl ceo i feel like that somebody has that written on a binder somewhere some bnms for your girl ceo but uh it is kind of it's kind of a sad show but it's funny and it's a lot of different things it's a i think it's a well-rounded show. Awesome. I hope people like it. Well, hell yeah.

I'm happy for you. Now, not only are we joined by Claire O'Kane, but that gentleman that you heard politely giggling and just being an amazing, an amazing friend, amazing friend of the show, hilarious comedian. You know him as Sharpie Comedy on Twitter and Chris Sharpie on instagram that's right sharpen tear what's happening what's happening nothing dude i'm just out here trying to

get intros right i don't think people understand you're doing a good job i get so nervous i never get nervous to do this unless i have to host and then i'm like i get it feels like i'm doing a show and instead of just like hanging no nobody gets it more than me pal uh i'd be sweating i'd be upset i'd be messing up everybody's name even though they're my friends i'd be like clear i almost just messed your name up and david and david fuck it's like you you guys my friends i would fuck it up i'm terrible at this at um at comedy works one weekend i was hosting for shashir zamata i know her i destroyed it throughout the weekend it got worse and worse uh i think by the last one i was just like yes it wasn't it's like there was something wrong with me for the

lady in the back it was it was terrible hear it folks it was terribly embarrassing uh so i get it sean i get it completely i'm something happens to me my brain stops working I don't like hosting anything I enjoy it but I do there's a lot of pressure that is unnecessary I feel like if you didn't put the pressure on yourself

of course you'd remember it's not hard to remember someone's name but like I will slam the name on my head yeah I'm saying but I just i swear to god i just forget sometimes like at high planes i hosted our afv stand-up show every name was written in sharpie on my hand like plant for the everyone and their mom to see it was a chris charpentier's blood yeah and your next comic chris charpentier i'd have it written on my hand uh

sharpie what's going on? What can you point the fine folks to? You got anything coming up? Anything goings on? No, I have nothing coming up. I built a frame for a... Oh, how exciting. A ghost came out of you.

Recently, I built a frame. That's fun. I built a frame for a painting that Jeff Tice made, which is tight. Really? Yeah, that's fun um i built a frame for a painting that jeff tice made which is tight and uh really yeah that's it that's what i've done recently and that's what i have coming up also that's right what i've done is also what i have coming up so pretty exciting stuff around well you're a mystery like that man i am in the framing game these days because we just bought a crib and we're trying to get shit on the walls, so you might be commissioned to make a frame for your boy.

Uh-oh. Ooh, now you're a professional frame maker. Yeah, dude. You're gonna have to pay taxes on it. Is it hard? Can you cut your own glass? Glass? I don't know about glass. Shut up. But the other parts were actually super duper easy. Say in pics. The wood.

Great, great, great. Well, Chris Sharpe in tears, ladies and gentlemen. A lot of people think it's hard. It's actually easy as fuck. Next question, Jim. Tell me when you can cut your own glass. Yeah. Oh, he's a glass cutter from way back.

Look at that face. Now, that man telling you to look at that face. Sharpie, I'm hosting. stop whoa whoa i'm kidding that man that just said whoa whoa uh you may know him as cool guy jokes 87 on instagram and you know what you might have known him as something on twitter but he got the fuck off because you're a little too familiar with the man on twitter is uh that man is david bory david how you living hey i'm good tight no i'm good building is building a frame hard for you yeah yeah i just wanted to i was just ripping on sharpie uh i'm good you know sun shining yeah i'm wearing a keep sweat t-shirt i've had worse days oh nice do you have any of those watch shirts yet still you said you saved one for me those

shirts i got a bunch yeah okay i got all kinds of shirt i i just folded up claire's wedding shirt not an hour ago oh great you should have kept it on for the party i know that would have i thought it would be weird though yeah whatever I can't yeah yeah I'm wearing this thrasher tee and I know Sean skates I don't even care that's fair I don't gotta go skate the last time we went skating I was such a mess it was at high plains which what a fool I am to bring my board even it was like four years ago we went out skating and I could barely stand up because you know the after parties go till five what what am i doing and it was like they go till four you go till five yeah it was hot too and i remember your your friend who was ripping and gripping he's still he's still we did the same

thing this last high plans i brought my board and i and now i've been skating you know like covid skating i'm actually kind of good again i was like dude i got it i'm not gonna drink too much we'll skate it'll be dope and what did i do but eat my words the night before and then we get up to go skating he's just killing it it was like 102 i don't know yeah i just would want to pass out yeah i watch his instagram stories of him skating it's very impressive i mean i watch yours i watch yours too sean hey appreciate it man yeah no problem uh any of those shows that you have coming up remain uncanceled? How's that going? Yeah, they all are remaining uncanceled.

Here, I can pull them up real fast. I'm going to a various. You probably should have had that pulled up if you weren't having a house party. Maybe you would have had it up already. Yeah, get into the game. Am I at work with you or am I not? You are. What's Sam on?

I'm not. He's going to show his butthole yeah that's like exactly that's right where it's gonna start wait when are you going to winnipeg david yeah i'm soon i'm curious about that if sam rolled in and showed his butthole immediately it might be the coolest thing anyone's ever done honestly it's like you're not familiar with his classic bits. I'm not. I don't know him like you guys do. That's one of the huge ones.

Are you kidding me? Oh, he's got one of the huge buttholes? No, that's just one of his big bits. Okay. I'm going to be. That's one of his big bits. It's a huge one. March 17th through 19th, I'm going to be at the live shop in Calgary, Alberta. April 7th through 9th, I'm going to be at the Laugh Shop in Calgary, Alberta.

April 7th through 9th, I'm going to be at the Grove Comedy Club in Lowell, Arkansas. June 10th. Oh, no. Get him out of there. Get him out of there. Yeah. They know it's you. Come on.

They know it's you. They knew it was you. Sharpie was like, it's going to take him five minutes before he comes in here. Take up the whole screen, why don't you? What color combination? I know. He thinks it's a cool combination. Sushi salmon.

He says, call me Starburst. Look at him dance. Nice TikTok. Let Noah show them the movie, Ed. Oh, no. That was sick. Tell him to dress his age. Sharpie says you got to dress your age.

I am. I'm 17. The party is popping. Get everybody out of there Look at what's happening already Hey Chicago February 16th City Winery Oh there you go Alright

Everybody go show Sam your butthole At the City Winery Who's gonna be there? Dat Fan? Yeah right Get out bitch Everybody go show Sam your butthole at the City Winery. Who's going to be there? Dat Fan? Yeah, right. Get out, bitch. Get out of here. Oh, man. Great burn, Claire.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I really loved it. That was good. yeah i really loved it that was good you weren't you guys there with me when dat fan came to el charito in denver no what's el charito no is that a restaurant it's a bar that had an open mic he was there on like a saturday night open mic it was oh no and he was doing jokes that were like from from lcs he was like my mom's like that fan that fan and everybody was like whoa you're still oh no it was yeah timmy was timmy lasley was hosting it was a bummer what a bummer indeed

well that's unfortunate he's still that fan is like one of the one of the signs outside of harvey's or was i don't know if harvey's went out of business but the club downtown in portland they had a dat bat sign for i thought you were gonna say he was one of your idols no that fan was one of my mount rushmore of comedy i'm more of a fat dan fan i know you are i've heard that about you she loves the fat dan i also you know stand-up comedy is the most embarrassing thing you could do so let's just cut him a little i. I don't know. I do a podcast for money. That's what's up.

That's the future. I do what I got to do for money and whatever gets it. David Borey, stop it. Sucky, fucky, sucky, fucky. I don't get money for any of that. That's my me time. That's for the love of the game. That's just for the dark web that I do that's my me time that's for the love of the game that's just

for the dark web that i do they call them the natural any more dates jerk dates no sam came in and cut it off don't worry i'll be in your town but wait when are you gonna be in winnipeg oh yeah uh i am going to be oh i'm not gonna be uh oh yeah july 12th through 16th maybe i'm coming maybe i'll go to a place called rumors which sounds like uh you should come you want to feature i'm are you talking to me are you talking about can we split it now i feel awkward i mean what if we all we can split like yeah we can split 10 minutes then we can just go i don't i could just feature and not do any time how's that yeah i just want to go hang out I want to go in the middle of nowhere in Canada

and hang out in the summer. I'm really curious about that. Me too. I'm all for it. Yeah, I'm excited. Tight. Why don't we just... Same.

Maybe we'll squeeze the live AFE in there. We got to see if Ian's cool with it. Sharpie, you want to come to Canada? Yes. Yes. Do they let you in? Do they let you come in? Are you kidding me?

I'm a damn French-Canadian, and it's in my blood. Oh, that's right. You're French. Yeah, man. They want me up there. As soon as I get up there, they'll melt. They'll be like, oh, come on. Come have some poutine. Look at our cows and stuff.

Or whatever. He ain't talking about French fries. I have no idea what Winnipeg is like. Me either. It's like nothing going on but winnipeg is directly north of sioux falls right am i making that up is it right about north dakota it's like right above right in the middle i haven't even checked the map they have uh the first like plaza skate park maybe i'm being an asshole but i think in the world the first like skate park that was made to look like a plaza downtown and we went when i was i was a kid i was 20 1920 you could drink in canada we went to this place called garbanzos because there were no bars open when we went

we had to go to a restaurant called garbanzos and get just try to get alcohol at a soup and salad restaurant. We could not find anywhere. It was like a Chuck E. Cheese, but it was called Garbanzos. Wait, it was a children's party restaurant? It was like 9 p.m. There were no kids there. Garbanzos after hours. Yeah, it was absurd.

And we just went in and I can't remember the details like crazy, but yeah, we just got drinks at this place called Garbanzos because that was the only place to do it we'll kill it we'll burn the house down is that what we say when we do well at comedy we'll tear the roof off we'll burn the house down

we'll play in the ashes and then we'll go to Garbanzos from rumors directly to Garbanzos tear it up oh yeah light it up that's that's the run every all yeah all the locals know about going from rumors to garbanzos i did uh on that same trip post garbanzos one night at the hotel bar nobody else wanted to hang out so i went down to the hotel bar and there was some local canucks down there and i started playing pool with them did you call them that i don't think canuck is a

bad thing marissa is it a bad thing uh no it's not yeah it's just like a canadian but anyway that's when i found out what loonies and toonies were oh yeah boy did i giggle and then that dollars and cents they go they go hey do you want to do a disaster shot with us and i was like sure so they got beers and put shots of jägermeister in it, like a Jägerbomb, but with beer, and then drank it. Oh, and that was such a crazy con. You drink Jägerbombs all the time. It's not like it's that disgusting. Because they're good, David.

They're tangy, and they get you there. They taste like medicine. Yeah, good medicine helps, man. I don't know if you've ever been sick. Yeah, you're sick. But I need my medicine sometime. Now you've got to graduate to some smoky scotch now that you're a father, Sean.

I have. I do. But if you want, like if you look inside, if you put a lie detector on, it's a Jägerbaum. Yeah. I can lie about the smoky scotch all day.

I like a Jägerbaum. I'd like to sit and watch, like, what? Menace to Society with a Jager bomb in a 40? That's my night. Let's be honest. You like to sit in a bathroom watching fight videos. Slamming warm black velvet from the bottle. It was all late the other night, and I texted David.

I was like, hey, I like the fight videos. Yeah, I was asleep. I was asleep when you texted me my algorithm on facebook just gives me airplane fights and like football game fights anyway i my name's the guy with all the fight videos i'm sean jordan um sean jordan on or sean s jordan on twitter sean coogermelon jordan on instagram uh sean jordan on jewish watch what you're about to say app yeah i can't believe you went for the bit i didn't think you were gonna do it be careful are you gonna do all the jewish bits

no that was kind of my way of saying i'm not but i'm still honoring oh okay are you jewish zero percent not bar mitzvahed or anything no there we go yeah i'm my boy my dad would have you believe i'm mostly irish and if he was drunk enough 164th cherokee if uh if he really got into it how did people keep track of that before 23 and me like i've never believed anybody all that happened is my grandpa told him he was one eighth or 116th rather and then he told me i was like 164 it was i don't even think that's the right math it probably isn't now if you want to hear all about that if you're gonna be in minneapolis february 18th and 19th i'll be at the comedy corner underground come hang out at the shows we're doing them it's gonna be fun minneapolis my favorite city in the world dude uh atmosphere

slug talked to me a little bit on instagram the other day oh shit is he coming to the show i didn't have the courage to ask him to do you know it was crazy i i ran in the other room and told laura i was like dude he's talking to me i didn't know what to do what do i say it was crazy um anyway come to the shows it'll be yeah these are how do i talk how do i talk to a rapper how you live it anyway um yeah come to those shows it'll be great and we're not only here to talk about me talking and getting nervous with and around

rappers and professional skateboarders but we are here to draft ways to pass the time as teenagers is that an agreeable way to say it oh I thought it was places it is ways ways so like just stuff change it up change it up Is that an agreeable way to say it? Oh, I thought it was places. It's ways. Ways. So like just stuff.

Change it up. Change it up. I'm going to have to move some shit around. I mean, I got the text from you. I was taking it as a... No, I copied and pasted. I just can't fucking read. Well, I mean, I'm sure the rules are loose.

And I'm sure wherever you're hanging out, there would be an activity that could be done at that place. 100%. Not ones that I would love to talk about. Well. Adapt. Adapt. If you win rock, paper, scissors as you do most of the time, then you can go last.

I mean, I'm going to have to go first. Now, to determine the order of this draft, we will perform a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. I screwed it up. You get it. Play between the three of you. Now, I don't get to play it because I'm hosting, so the three of you have to play.

Oh, look at you. Oh, okay. I can play? No, no, no. Okay. I can play. No. No, no, no. You're Ian. All right. Get ready.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. You're already blowing it. No, I'm not. Wait, we all got paper. Start over. Start over. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. He wins.

And Sharpie threw. Well, because it's odd person out. So like, since there were two rocks and one scissors. This is street rules, Claire. Yeah.

Fuck this. Not for your suburban. Yeah. No, I lost it. I guess juvenile detention isn't going to be one of your places you like to pass the time

because that's where I learned these rules. I spent, I gave juvenile a lot of attention when I was in high school. David, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of this draft, but before you do that...

Incumbent? Yeah, I'm out here. Now, did I say it wrong? No, you did fine. No. I was thought, wait, what's it... Don't let her knock you off the game, man. It's pretty easy to knock me off right now.

I'll think about it over here on my end. Keep going. It is incumbent upon you to determine the order of this draft. Now, before you do that, I'll remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Well, David. Interesting. Yeah.

I mean, Sharpie, would you like to explain what a serpentine draft is? I honestly have no fucking idea what it is, so you're going to have to help me out. Well, we're all fairly familiar with the denver airport so this should be an easy explanation so there's the if you haven't been to the denver airport my gosh go it's so fun my gosh you just gotta get there it's lovely it's not worth the wait. Life is short. Get to DIA. If you get on the tram, it takes you from gate A to gate B to gate C.

And then it'll pick up people in gate C and bring them back from gate C to gate B to gate A, drop them off, and then it will pick up more folks from gate A, take them to gate B or C, and just so on until everybody gets to their destination in a timely

fashion. Basically, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. I like how David didn't step in and take the reins on that. No, no, no, no, no. Just let me spin the web like a fool over

here. I didn didn't you're doing well now david with that in mind what will the order of this draft be oh i gotta keep track okay all right all right sorry i'm just talking talking everyone through the process i gotta keep track of the picks now all right david go all right. All right. This one's going to be Claire Sharpie David Sean. Okay. I need a big runway. Hot corner. Huh?

Hot corner over here. All right. Now, Claire, you have the first pick in the ways to pass time as a teenager draft, which we will get to right after this short commercial break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right?

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back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever fucking existed ever if you've heard another podcast unless it was noble blood you didn't hear it it was this and you were on an acid trip you had no idea what was going on this is the only podcast now david wait no david you're not first darn it i'm blowing it all right now claire let's let's tear it down and party in the ashes what will the first pick of this entire draft be? Okay. I'm trying to figure out the best way to word this as to kind of maximize my profit here. Understandable.

It's a high cap. It's a high cap. So, okay. It's kind of like in like a family feud kind of way, I'm going to say. Mixing a lot of food together and eating it as like where it's gross slash oh you're partying i'm like i'm saying like you put a bunch of shit in a blender and you're like eat that girl eat that shit you know what i mean oh yeah everyone's like let's mix the ketchup and the

and then put the rice. You know. Well, that actually sounds good, but you know what I mean. Yeah, that's like a pretty good. We used to have a kid. We would put it in the little sauce cups at lunch and then give him quarters to eat it. Yeah. Eating weird shit.

Yeah. Okay. This kid would regurgitate at lunch. Jesus. He would regurgitate food and we'd pay people to eat it at the lunch table. Yeah. Oh, my God. In high school.

No. That's not the same. That's not the same as what we were doing. One time, we didn't tell this kid. You paid kids to eat throw-up because you're from a lawless town. We didn't tell a kid one time, and he ate it, and we're like, dude, that was regurg. We used to call it regurg for short for regurgitation. But was really puke you were paying kids to eat puke wow you should like write a dramatic monologue about that yeah that's so i think people would really enjoy that

so you would have him eat stuff and then you'd make him puke it up and then what was the delivery system well he would eat lunch and then he'd just barf it up at the table a little bit of it. And then sometimes people would just eat it for shock value. And one time we tricked the kid into eating it. I don't even know if I was there, honestly. Adam's going to have to jog my memory on a lot of this stuff.

But anyway. You can't remember if you saw that kid eat puke? It was a fairly regular thing that he did. I can't remember if I was there the day that the kid didn't know he was eating puke i feel like i'm gonna be painted in a bad light for the rest of this episode no this is very normal no i mean i just it's these are gonna bring out these stories but a lot of kids force one kid to regurg so he can be in the peer group and then they make other young ones trying to take force and make out of there this is all voluntary oh that kid voluntarily ate that dude's vomit

most of the time most of the time well he wanted to look cool there are only so many ways to look cool you know that's probably got to be the hardest day as a parent like why did you eat throw up son i guess i wanted sean and the rest of the crips to think i was cool i guess you just had friends already dad so you get teenage dysentery or something yeah that's gotta be so unhelpful did you uh did you guys throw weird like weird shit in a blender and just like see if it would taste good or was it just out of boredom you never throw weird shit in a blender and just see if it would taste good? Or was it just out of boredom?

You never ate weird stuff? Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I'm saying. Yeah, you, Claire. We had a kid. We paid a kid 50 bucks to eat a cicada one time. And he put it in his mouth and then didn't do the rest.

I was like, it's in your mouth. Swallow it. And he'd spit it out was like it's in your mouth swallow it need spit it out he had in his mouth for like a minute and oh no he wasn't chewing it it was just you know cicada is it's like a oh yeah it's like a gnarly cockroach but yeah i was i was shocked i wouldn't even get near it yeah bugs dirt yeah you ever make like a kid chug salsa we did uh we used to put pieces of we had like a it was a like you'd put it all into a cup uh this was part of initiation for soccer practice sounded like you were about to admit something no no no it was all initiation for for the soccer team but at some point i remember it's hazing they were all different but one day I remember specifically putting uh

parts of us like little uh rips off a skateboard like little pieces of wood in there from a skateboard into the mixing the drink yeah that's pretty gross that is really I mean that's like a vampire drinking blood I love it because when you remember bullying, you still look pretty happy about it. Man, I didn't put the pieces of skateboard in there. Somebody else did. I was just there when it happened. You just said that you remember putting it in there. Oh, okay.

No. Guilty. No, no, no, no. Guilty. I was there when it happened. I think there's a while where we're all kind of eating paper. Just like for fun? Yeah.

Does that make sense? Remember that when we were all just kind of like, I think maybe it was like as a way to kind of hide, to get rid of like secret notes really fast. So we were all kind of swallowing paper. I think in school, I would do stuff like like in class i would show somebody like a like a half chewed eraser or something and then i wasn't even thinking i was doing it but i was like you just ate half of that eraser because i'd show them one of the big pink ones i'm like where the fuck did it go i ate it i just ate that what i did yeah yeah what did you look at me instead

of learning algebra i ate half this eraser. Just doing exactly what they think you're doing. You sound like you went to school in the portables. What's that kid with the crip rag in the back of the room doing? He's just eating the eraser. Kids don't have ADD. They're just constipated from all the fucking erasers they got.

They're trying to move it out. You ever tried to pass a Lisa Frank eraser? No, no. That's why you chew them. You got to chew them up. Good, man. 50 chews on each side.

A kid that we knew that ran a Dairy Queen. Or else your mom will die? What are you saying? Well, then it's in your stomach for seven years, dude. I don't know. I feel like I got to spoon feed you everything. I'm sorry. I'm very dumb.

This kid, he ran a Dairy Queen. And I thought we were asking to make a chicken strip blizzard as in gravy, chicken strips, and mashed potatoes in a blizzard, but he took it as ice cream, chicken strips, and gravy. And so they made that as a blizzard, and then everybody tried it. It was disgusting. But I think it'd be good if it just had chicken strip ingredients in it.

Yeah, there's a way to do that. Yeah, you did it wrong. Oh, you mean just like drinking your meals? Yeah. Yes, that'd be great. Like a savory Thanksgiving dinner shake, you know? It'd be dope. Yeah, Slim Fast.

Right? Am I trashy? Yeah. Is that what Slim Fast tasted like? Probably. Sign me up, baby. A chicken strip dinner? No, that's...

No. No, it's like chocolate. Ask Anna Nicole Smith. Yeah. We can't, Claire. Damn. We can't claire damn all right eating weird shit i love it what a crazy pick claire uh when you said that i was like what and then i realized like there is no other time in your life where you do that is specifically a teenage event. That was a good pick. Solid stuff. Could you imagine going to a party now and it's just a bunch of 35

year old dudes? Making dudes eat shit? It's happening in my living room right now. I bet you Sam could do that. Someone's doing something funny with cocktail shrimp out there. Yeah, for sure. Don't eat it. We do have a cooler full of shrimp back there

i'll buy that wish chris is chris frozen or is he i think i'm all frozen like a very good pizza pie he's just oh he is he is frozen i didn't even catch that but he is definitely frozen like that i don't what do we got to do to get him back? Well, first I'm going to screenshot it. Yeah. He looks like Peter Sarsgaard right now. He really does. Well, there he goes. I bet he comes back.

Frozen Sharpie. Oh, now he's Dark Sharpie. Now he's Dark Sharpie. There he is. He's back. Dead eye. Sharpie, we said move to your router babe as you're moving closer uh be aware that you my friend are up god i also forgot that i had to write down these uh these pics you didn't write down any that's fine no this is off the dome that's rad i like that i like that there we go wait whose birthday is it david it's alex creasey's i don't

know yeah they're weird it's uh how old how old is he how lit is this gonna be 35 so they're making them eat shit yeah yeah i got a food i got a food ninja so it's you know slices and it's very nice you know i saw a slap chop infomercial last night or a couple nights ago it looks like a great idea a slap chop yeah i never actually got my hands on one i never slapped or chopped as as someone who owned the slap chop, I did not like it. I never used it. What's this really? Yeah. It was really hard to clean.

You just press down like this, Claire, and the blades rotate a little bit each time, and it dices or whatever. Dices and juliennes was a popular term. Onions and whatnot? Yeah. Yeah, because I'm always crying when I cut onions. That's everybody. You know me.

Well, don't watch The Lion King while you're doing it, man. That's a simple. Of all the movies that would make me cry. Yeah, quit cutting onions in therapy, David. I'm watching, you know, I'm watching Boys on the Side, Riding in Cars with Boys. I couldn't remember it. I was going to say none of these aren't sad.

That movie did make me cry, though, cars oh yeah every movie makes me cry same i cried hard windows open and everything it was nuts no chris charpentier yeah dude uh bless us with the uh with your first pick in the ways to pass time as a teenager draft okay i will i'm sorry i hope everything still sounds good. You sound like an angel. Okay. My whole system's all fucked up. It's okay, man.

It's just one of those days. We exactly did. It's just one of those days. Okay. There we go. Everybody sucks. Can't get fucked. Is that what he says? Okay, I'm going to take this as my number one pick.

This was tough for me. A lot of picks. Teenage. I really peaked as a teenager. You say that a lot. I don't believe you. Well, you don't live in my body. I don't.

I don't. I don't agree with. I don't. I didn't live in my body. I don't. I don't. I don't agree with. I don't. I didn't live in my body. Okay. So here we go. Number one. Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. Okay. Here we go. Number one, because I feel like this could potentially be on other people's lists. So I got to take this. Got to get it off the board. Number one is going to be going to the village inn or some sort of diner type restaurant and having late night cigarettes inside with coffee and cigarettes

when you're like 15 i used to love blasting them inside that was the thing dude when like the smoking section at frying pan forget about it shocking yeah we were villaging guys we would go sam's off hour we would go and just smoke them inside and drink cokes talk about the world bush running this country into the ground you're talking about the band because sharpie hates the band bush don't you better fucking not be talking about bush well bush running yeah those were the best times you know what's funny about it those were the best times do you ever think about it now like if you were an adult going into a village in and then there was just like 10 15 year old smoking i'd be like get the fuck out

can you imagine being the waiter or waitress hell that fucking fuck you i would have hated yeah and i mean we thought we were doing a good we probably tipped like half of the time maybe a dollar or something and it was all we had we were trying but it was like back then paying a bill as a teen with like a group of your friends and it's like one kid one one guy definitely has more money than the other guys and they're like well why don't you just pay it all your your dad's rich or whatever exactly yeah none of us none of us got this money in good ways yeah you'd sit and figure it out down to the the cent that you like if you ordered a coke and a piece of pie or whatever and you're like well here's five dollars and forty cents i i remember doing shit like that like paying the exact amount and like not even not even thinking about tipping for sure not even in a bad way just not even being like

didn't cry because you were a child yeah didn't even didn't even think about it honestly and that you know that server's like they see a table of just wayward dipshits who are just came there to smoke and they're like oh this is my whole night because they're going to be a problem and they absolutely won't tip they're gonna drink they're gonna drink 40 cups of coffee because they're fucking idiots yeah yep yeah 700 cups of free water and then they're gonna be here for three and a half hours they're gonna fucking to fucking... There's nothing to do. They can't go anywhere. They can't go to bars.

I remember, too, the smoking section aspect of that shit. I think about it now. So gnarly. So gnarly. If somebody didn't smoke and they just wanted to have dinner, they were in the smoking section because it's inside. The whole thing's a smoking section. It's just nuts to me.

Well, remember, it would be like a half yeah but it's like yeah sure okay smoke a cigarette in the living room and tell me it's not getting to the other side of the living room as a kid with parents who didn't smoke I did always look at that other side but I was like oh they're partying over there it just seemed like

more happening feet up and they're just like all laid back you're just sitting there with your back straight up like pancakes. That's where all the beats were. They're all reading On the Road with their berets. Sipping milkshakes.

Exactly. Now in hindsight, the idea that people couldn't go through a whole meal without smoking is wild. Super gross. Sounds so gross. My aunt, just in the middle, she would light up a cigarette and I'd be like, can you please not do that while we're eating?

While the food is here. There's nothing that makes me less hungry than the smell of cigarettes. And I smoke for ages. It's such a turn off. It smells bad. I'm surprised I even smoked at all as an adult because when I was younger in middle school, one of my best friend's moms would smoke in the car with us. But we'd have to sit in like the trunk for some reason.

Like, I don't know. It doesn't sound like your best friend. The first row of seats was always occupied by like at least two baby seats with babies in them. Or not. So we'd have to go in the back. And so you'd open the window just enough for the smoke to go out. But then when she'd toss out the butts, they'd come kind of flying back through the back window. That's double jeopardy.

Yeah. I got burns on my shinsins there's a lot going on man as a kid hey sorry that sucks but you know say say lovey it's part of the deal but i remember smoking like getting in one time specifically my girlfriend at the time we were going on a trip with her mom to minneapolis and i probably had four cigarettes in a row at like eight in the morning and they came to pick me up and i swear to god they like i get i see the car and i one last and i put it on the ground and i get in the car and her mom's like and i think back now and i'm like god i bet you her mom every second she talked to her was like do not date this man i mean i had to just seem

like the word i was a kid you were a boy smoking cigarettes yeah it's just like that's it's so anyway yeah there's nothing trashier than seeing kids smoke too like even now it's like if i see like high school kids like part of me wants to be like hey fucking you know i mean i see these kids at the skate park and like that you know part of the thing is they like to ask for a cigarette like bro you got a cig bro shit like that i'm like you sound stupid stop i really need it focus on your backside smith grind that's amazing i just saw you skating do that more don't sit and smoke anyway they're like yeah okay pops there was a whole there was a whole uh uh article in the new york times not to sound like a bitch but there's a whole article

about uh about how smoking is cool again like oh i read that i read that it's coming back because of i guess because of like some sort of general nihilism amongst younger people where they're like, well, we got it. Was it not cool for a while? I always thought it was cool. It wasn't.

Kids not think smoking was cool for a while. Kids were not smoking statistically. They quit. And now, you know, it's crazy. Vaping is that it's like i know i'm not a kid anymore but vaping doesn't seem like if i was a kid i'd be like no that's

not cool no that's more fucked up yeah it's gross i feel like it's also way more harsh i don't know whenever i've tried to hit a vape it's like way harder to hit it does it hurts it's like yeah it's watermelon but it feels like knife watermelon you know like it doesn't feel good yeah knife yeah you're right knife watermelon this is a big psa to not do all the nefarious things that we're talking about um and that being said david go ahead and hit us with your first pick on your altered uh draft list this doesn't even fucking make sense now uh you know just shit you did you sent me the text reread the text i just copied and pasted from what claire said it wasn't like i

thought about it out of my head but i mean there's like there's examples in that text no is there well it's just i'm going from my heart uh it's too late yeah she did say it now that i remember yeah uh because i took them yeah parking lots just yeah absolutely yeah yeah yeah time yes and waiting for some people to show up waiting for some people to leave maybe there's a fight you're probably gonna get drunk yeah well i mean all those are still on the board, but yes. Sorry. No, I mean, obviously, just hanging out. Because there was nothing. The big part of this is you can't go to bars.

Did someone just scream, David? You can't go anywhere yet. You're too young. So all the places for kids close, they close, and you can't go to bars. So you have to find things to do, which is why teenagers get in trouble. Why there aren't more places for teens to hang. I'm a youth pastor now. And this is what I mean. Yeah.

Yeah. We do. They just need somewhere productive to go. Playing all night. There's a nunchuck room, a pillow fight room and a mini ramp. That's all you need. A nunchuck room is not safe for teens.

I'm teaching nunchuck. There's milk on tap. It's good place that's not gonna be friendly city that's gonna be the name of it not city what is this a country buffet milk on tap i think that i think keeping kids out of trouble that's what like police sponsored soccer was for look how that turned out yeah yeah yeah yeah did you have yeah did you have like uh a particular place you'd kick it we had like we went yeah obviously would there ever was it all like the same kind of crew like everybody knew each other or were they're like it would it would just be like different different factions you know what i

mean like it's like if you're there all night, oh, so-and-so is here. And then they leave. And then maybe so-and-so works at Walmart. So his friends are meeting him because he just got off. And they, you know. And this is in Elizabeth? No. No.

We didn't have a Walmart until very recently. This is in Parker. Okay. All right. Yelling at me. I didn't know. I thought I reasonably explained myself. Keep your voice down.

Yeah. That's another. I feel like that is right with Claire's where that is something specifically teenaged. Like I will never sit on a curb in a parking lot just to chill again. Ever. No. Fucking hate it in the parking lot.

It's my least favorite part. Those dates are super done sucked it's i'm an adult i have money now i like the store exactly but that's also where you go sometimes if you're trying to get close to your you know your little crush you're like oh it's cold outside on this uh cement whatever let's cuddle up. Get closer to me. Watch out for that gum. Don't sit in the gum. That's what I was saying

when I was a teen wondering why it wasn't working. Get closer to me. Hey. Be over here. I'm drinking out of a gas can. Get closer to me. Let's touch the sides of our bodies over here in this parking lot i like it hanging in parking lots best buy was the big one in sioux falls and then the loser lot was like a big one but that's where we would that's the one that i've told you a few times where we'd like drive by and throw eggs

and then did i ever tell you that that one time we got cornered in a stoplight and this dude came up and was just furiously trying to break the window that of the shock like shotgun where i was and he didn't get it done but boy if he did i i um i would have been bummed i think because we threw a bunch of eggs at him it was scary dude also i like i like relaxed sharpie i think this is the new way to go. Before, I was sitting in my office chair. Now, I'm on my couch, chill as hell. You encouraged me to pick up my mic.

Closer to this router was the best idea that anybody's ever had. Well, now we're going to take it down to the hot corner. Yours truly. I'm going to start my first pick, a little place I like to call the mall. Oh, nice. What I did when I was a kid. A classic. It's embedded deep, deep into my psyche, into my life.

I still love the mall. I've always loved going to the mall. I loved it before I was a teenager. I think I probably went the most when I was a teenager. Because like a parking lot, you could just do other, you could find a way to do stuff. Oh, it a like a parking lot you could just do others you could find a way to do stuff yeah and i don't want to say other stuff but it's like you could you can't do things you could yeah there were places to go there were corners you know you're getting jailed at the mall think about that if you saw like two kids making out at the

mall like two 14 year old kids just in the like what's not a corner but they think is a corner You're getting jailed at the mall? Think about that. If you saw two kids making out at the mall, two 14-year-old kids just in the corner. It's not a corner, but they think it's a corner because it's not in their parents' bedroom. Quite honestly, I don't feel legal even talking about it. Yeah, it was gnarly thinking about it. Imagine. No.

But yeah, the mall, man. I just... All kinds of it. Lurking, the whole thing. I love the mall. And it was like when Mallrats came out, it was in the in the zeitgeist of what was going on what was your spot were you like uh were you like uh were you like a zoomies guy i mean like auntie ann's we didn't have zoomies we didn't have hot topic we didn't have any ends we

we had so what did you what did you have the throw-up shop we just had the the area of the mall that everybody kicked it at like technically there was a hardy's there and like a cinnabon but no it wasn't a food court does cinnabon exist outside of malls i don't that's a good question airports right i don't know i guess airports are just big airports are just international malls international malls take me to the big dank international mall please driver where the planes go you ever bought anything expensive at the airport like every time i'm like in atlanta and you see like that spank story you're like what's going on they sell spanks at the atlanta airport i'm going over there got their

own storefront damn what every so often i'll get i'll fuck with the keels okay okay i get i've bought headphones twice really expensive headphones yeah i've thought about it where i get somewhere and i'm like i gotta have headphones for this for this festival or whatever and i thought that i maybe got too tossed on the plane and lost them or something and uh but i've never actually had to do it um yeah the mall i just sorry could you hear me fart just now no i wouldn't have known that's really funny i shouldn't have said anything you should have put it you should have put it by your butt i just farted pretty loud did you say you farted i was telling you so we went live on instagram at the beginning of covid and i ripped one and somebody in there was like who

farted and i i for some reason i lied i don't like doing that but i did and then it was too late to go back so i just like a year and a half later maybe last week admitted to it that it was me i was shocked that they picked it up i farted on the live stream it was me it was a quiet it was a quiet fart apparently not somebody immediately was. I farted on the live stream. It was me. It was a quiet fart. Apparently not. Somebody immediately was like, who farted? And it's like, first of all, fuck you. Get off my back.

One of us farted, so fuck off. Anyway. So the mall. And for my second pick, I just have to do it true to me, was skateboarding. I had a feeling Claire might take that, so I had to take it. Claire worked at a skate shop in San Jose, California. Oh, man, I never got to work at one. Was it dope?

She also went to an all-girls high school. I have all kinds of fair facts. Was it fun working at the shop? Yeah. Or were they asshole dudes? Like, was it, I don't know, it's kind of weird time. I guess, I don't know if I should talk about this on a public podcast but also i i will say that the owner when i was 16 one time we we were watching this couple skate by and they were holding hands both skateboarding and uh horrible

idea you're from you're from california yeah. That's the only place that would ever happen. They were both singing California love as they skated by. California love. And so they skated by. And we were like, well, first of all, we love that song. Second of all, the boss was like, when we date, let's never do that. And I was like, and I'm pretty sure he was i want to say at least 40 at that point old enough to be your boss yeah well sounds like it probably wasn't dope then but um

but but it was it wasn't that i got you know i got so many fucking stickers the stickers up my ass, babe. Shorties. That shit's got pop. Yeah. I got flame boys. Wet willies. I'm using terms I heard on the internet now. Yeah, those are all different things. I mean, skateboarding made me the person I am. So I just love it. It's the best thing in the world.

I will always love it. Even when I'm shitty at it, when I can't do it anymore. I love seeing other people do it i love the vibe i love everything about it i have like unity all of it and it's like the one thing i did when i was a teenager that wasn't mischievous or yeah it's like the one thing where it's like this stop whenever we were skating it's like we weren't doing other stuff yeah no yeah it's just it's like just, it's like you're, that's why I never, I never understood when cops and everything, they'd stop you from skating or kick you out or whatever. And you're like,

you realize that you just, the more you do that, the more you're like giving kids this thing they like, and you're taking it away. So they're going to go break windows and shit. It's just like, yeah. Common sense to me.

Didn't you do that as a man though? I did, but the dirt, you read the dirt. I did. You're all keyed up. How old were you do that as a man though? I did. The dirt! You read the dirt? I did. You're all keyed up. How old were you when you started skating, Sean? 14. March 27, 1996. Or not. Yeah, 14. March 27,

1996. I got my first complete on that day. Sick. And then... I mean, I feel like if you remember the day then it was pretty fundamental in your life. I don't remember the day I started doing anything. Willie Santos, Birdhouse, Cannonball Run, Slick, Venture, Featherlight, Trucks with a Black Axle, 45mm Lemon Drop Wheels, and Shorty's Hardware, Jessup Grip Tape. Did I already say Wet Willie?

You did. It kind of sounded like you were describing a gun that you had, Sean. It does sound that way. Those picks are later. I think those are more specific. But anyway, skateboarding. We don't need to dwell on it too much because I talk about it all the time. Nice.

David, hit us with that second pick, player. Okay, it doesn't quite make sense. Let me explain it. Well, let me remind you that you picked a ball pit when we talked about food one time. I'm going to fuck you up. Not a Sam Talent's got my back. Yeah, even if.

I'll take those odds. Me and Sam getting beat up by you. Big tree fall hard. Yeah, that's for sure. Stick the damn big ass leg, baby. leg baby i've seen his getaway sticks they're pretty skimpy at the bottom you could yeah absolutely take out that purple leg he'll be fine my pick is like so we had like if you played sports you hung out in the athletic hallway so it'd be like you'd be down there and you'd either be lifting weights or just after school

you would just be like down there for hours hanging out so i picked the athletic hallway i know what you're talking about i hated going through that hallway because that was where i was hated it dude because i'd go through there holding my skateboard and all the words you think they were saying were coming out in abundance and if oh boy i'm sorry i'm sorry yeah i was of the era too where they used to do you remember that game nutball oh yeah yeah that was a big thing we played you mean like yeah we yeah we played nutball no i think you're thinking so where you sit with your legs apart and you and you you throw the ball the nuts oh no i was worried i was thinking a bag tag

kind of like pinball yeah yeah yeah it's kind of like pinball and then like we caught this kid danny wilcox stuff a lot of funny stuff yeah yeah the all girls tying people up oh my god at the all girls school um we i guess the equivalent to that would be their girls go up to you, they go charge it, and then they kind of run their full arm. Oh. Like a credit check. Credit check. Kind of slam your slit.

Because, you know, we're wearing skirts. Oh, that is invasive. This is the patriarchy. Yeah hurts it hurts yeah emotionally physically yeah well there's no way to equate like doing it to younger girls no i mean these are friend groups we're talking so i guess in my world it was like we're not necessarily the athletic call but we're sitting under our you know our assigned lockers kind of holding yes slit swiping getting the one girl who can queef to queef shout out to her yeah a big shout out to her actually why is it gotta be the funniest word

there is it's there's it's the funniest five letters you can put together unless it's like a long one then it's like 10 letters but wait can i ask the question i always wondered about was bullying really bad at the all girls school no no no i think all any kind of thing like that was like almost like everybody felt like they had to be a part of a certain group and there wasn't much commingling. And there was like shit talking and kind of people being bitchy. But really everybody kind of because you know why we don't have any sort of pent up violent kind of rage that we like the young boys. Yeah, that we feel like we couldn't get out. I was filled

with it. I played impact sports. I'm telling you, our cycles were synced. You hang out with a bunch of girls for four years. I know what that's like. You scumbag. Wow, really loving

I thought it was a really funny joke really loving that you know like cause when like we know we get it that's the thing is we got it so yeah but you didn't hear it I was kind of flashing back to my past.

But I understand. Yeah, anyway, we're all bleeding. You can't help but share your feelings if you're all bubbling. That's the opposite of what was happening in the athletic hallway. We were talking those feelings way down in the athletic hallway until some clown with a skateboard walked by. We were exercising those feelings on other young kids. Yeah, exactly. Tight.

Hanging in the athletic hallway. Something I did not get to do. Now, Sharpie, hit us with number two, Playboy. Real quick, shout out Zach Toscani letting me use his mic. Big Zip. he just left the house Zach's dank roommates once again with young king

Zach Toscani fun times he's the best to live with it's fun because he's always up for like a little trip like he's the best his eyes light up when he's a big go to the store guy so like at 10 o'clock you want to go to the store and he's like love to go to the store and just leave with jerky he went with me to go and feed my girlfriend's cats the other day because hey yeah he's he's a

for sure i'll go with you kind of guy um okay hey yes what say i'm still trying to recover from that other joke i was gonna make another bad joke about feeding cats it was a good joke i was gonna say pussycat it was not gonna be good oh boy david pory i know man i'm really i'm really i'm shook look at me okay so my second pick um look i mean this one kind of all of mine kind of have this little caveat of uh i was probably really high so you can kind of just put that one in there for me personally it's a personal like that's kind of imagine when you were a teenager being as high as you could be and then also you know oh i can imagine yeah. So for me, my number two pick is going to be cruising around in a friend's car, a car full of people before I was old enough to drive.

That was the best. Sitting in somebody's car, probably hotboxing it, going the 420 loop, which was, there was a... Listen to the same song over and over and over a lot of warren g for some reason um for some reason because it's dope that was not what i would have expected you to say a lot warren g and cypress hill we um but there was a uh there was a loop that a big a big

square that we would drive uh we called it the 420 loop and you could spend a good half an hour probably taking this loop uh it's good to do on a break from school uh if you had an off period you go and take the 420 loop go get rid of sitting sitting in friends uh cars before you could drive i think that was an important that's a crucial part of it oh it was so exciting yeah you were so excited somebody Somebody could drive. Somebody there was legally a driver, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other people were like, yeah, dude, Joel got a car.

We're all going to go cruising in Joel's car. That was the first autonomy you had, I feel like. You know what I mean? For sure. Because you could get across town in minutes. And you feel like you have control. We could just go to fucking Wyoming. Who cares? Absolutely. It was sweet. And if you had any friend, because I had a lot of in and you feel like you have control like we could just go to fucking wyoming absolutely it was sweet and if you had any friend because i had a lot of cool friends who all had cars and

then i had one friend who had like a very cool car he had like a 1967 dodge charger or whatever the fuck it was it was sick he was so rad josh maple, dude. Shout out Josh Maple. Talk about hand stuff. It's just too far. I want to hear David's joke again. No, no, no. I had a friend. You think it's easy impressing you guys?

Yeah. You got a Keith sweatshirt on. It's hard for me too. Oh, David struggles. You surprised? yeah you got a keith sweatshirt on yeah it's hard for me too oh david struggles you surprised fucking dicks damn what was i saying oh you said you had a friend in high school uh yeah that's it no i had a friend in high school who uh had a mustang convert. But it was like. Kind of like the shittiest Mustang used. Who cares? Yeah, yeah. Like the mid-90s ones.

Like cement gray. But who cares? And we definitely took that. I'm remembering very vividly to go see Click in the drive-in. Nice. The Adam Sandler joint? Oh, yeah. Drunk out of our skulls on vodka inside

of Coca-Cola bottles. Nice. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about putting booze in stuff that wasn't booze containers. 20 years of my life I didn't do that and I do it again. Now at airports I do that again.

Wait, you put booze and Coke bottles at airports? Sometimes it's just you can't uh like if everyone's too busy you need to be doing better it's like a flask yeah i swear it's like sometimes it's just easier if i want stuff on the plane easier than waiting an hour until that cart gets going i swear i'm telling you bring some shooters get it done make yourself a little cocktail you can do it you can do it david they let you bring them i believe that they let you it's fine even if they don't what are they gonna do we're already in the air arrest me yes that's exactly what they'll do what are you gonna do to me it's international law that's what you see all these hammered dudes

getting in fights and you're like what happens when they get to the ground like i have a different algorithm i don't see him and i tell you about dudes getting in fights on airplanes you know what i don't sean i don't have the i don't have fights in my algorithm but for some reason i have like workout dudes i have like people people pumping weights all the time. And I'm like, I don't talk about lifting weights. I don't look at the videos of people looking weights. Why am I... It's like bodybuilder central on my discover page of Instagram.

I don't know why. But what do you... I mean, mine's Facebook, which is like a graveyard. But if I honestly, if I open up my Facebook videos page, it is a street fight or an airplane fight and that is it those are the only two options so it's only two kinds of fights that's the only safe place to fight on the internet anymore post fights yeah i feel like you can't get away with it anymore because also i feel like as an adult

like having grown up with the internet i just opened my algorithm first thing that popped up is a fight it's a fight like a ufc it's shocking it's anyway you liked i well i i gave it i told you that confidence in a text facebook can't read my text yes it can do you guys remember the unfortunate time of bum fights videos? Oh, yeah. That shit sucked. That was the worst.

When I did hang out with boys, when I was skateboarding and there were no other girls skateboarding and I had to skate with these crusty little dirty fingernail boys. I have to every once in a while watch bum fights or those

faces of death Band in America was what we watched yeah Tomas Lucero's big brother got it for us pretty gross you guys want to sit and watch murder like real murder I feel like nobody wanted to well maybe one kid wanted to but the rest of the kids were just too scared did not want to do it

it was always one yeah it was like one kid whose dad was really drunk wanted to watch it and the rest of the kids just yeah and nobody wanted to be like you guys this sucks can't we just keep skateboarding all night anyway well speaking of, speaking of bun fights, Claire, it is time for your second and third picks. As tis. Hey, what the? As tis. I'm just trying to get fight algorithms on your guys' social media

so it's not just me. Okay, well, my next one was going to be kind of similar to Sharpie's. Is it far enough away? away like is there another thing involved with it maybe just like going to the city so like totally the nearest big city where you're like absolutely or going downtown in like whatever yeah city you live in i'm from san jose we go let's go to the city. We go to San Francisco. You know what I mean? Where you almost feel like you gotta get dressed up. Maybe we're gonna go. We're gonna walk around and be like, oh my

God, look at all this. You know? Did you take Caltrain up there? We take Caltrain up to San Francisco, get off on King, and we go, oh, look at this. And then we had our purses and we up here we go that's also where you go shopping let's let's go shopping in the city

oh my god look at this yeah look at look at this and then it's like a dead rat oh look at this oh my god the city's so light somebody pooped on the sidewalk. Yeah. How bougie. No, it's wild because it is your first like you can go to a city as a kid. Did you say somebody pooped on the sidewalk? How bougie. Yeah. No one's ever said that before. Just trying to change my algorithm over here.

But like I wonder that now when I'm in a city and i see groups of kids and i'm like i get yes they got here how i used to get there like they just drove they just told their parents they didn't tell their parents shit and they just drove it'd be harder now because like you can't you don't have the excuse of being like oh i was out skating all day i couldn't i there's no way to get a hold of you because now they know that you have your phone and you you see whatever text they give you but yeah back in the day you could just not tell them you just not call for a day and they'd be like where were you and they had to either believe where you were or just unless they could prove you were lying they just had to be like all right well i remember getting

away with shit before the internet wow dude it used to be so i had like five years where nobody knew where i was ever yeah I miss that. Me too. Did you guys have a crew that you would go to the city with, Claire? Oh, yeah. Would you plan it out? Well, yeah. I had two. It's me, T-Bird.

All the pink ladies. Old bougie poop. Big Nip. Big Nip Johnson. The credit checker herself. Waxed coochie malone did the queef girl ever go oh yeah you know it was her car

yeah well we'd either take cal train or we'd take bart okay bus to the bar and you know i had a couple of different friend groups one friend group we go to the art museums you know yeah and to go around and did you ever steal from the art museum no just in general did you ever go stealing oh yeah you i used to go we used to go to the mall in groups specifically to steal and we would i've always said girls love stealing because it's easy yeah

and it's like we would line our purses because we got purses first of all so therein lies the rub not your first day we would lie line our purses with tinfoil and kind of shovel clothes in that had those like sensors these magnetic sensors because it wouldn't set off the goalpost outside of the door. we never got caught. Yeah. We used to get lockers, and

we would just go... We'd get lockers, and we'd go to whatever store, do our business, and then go put it in the locker, and then we'd just go hit stores all day. A locker in the mall? Yeah, you know, you could pay like 50 cents and get a locker. You guys didn't? You could pay 50 cents and you could put your purse and shit or whatever

in a locker. I think you're talking about the ice rink. Yeah, or the rec center. They had lockers at the mall that you could go get. You guys didn't have that? No, that's Disneyland. I never had a reason to change out of the clothes I was in. That's why you have a locker.

I'll just change at the mall. All those other places, that's the reason that you have one. You have to change clothes. Maybe it's a Midwest thing. You had giant coats and just a lot of shit or strollers or whatever but there were lockers because we'd go get them and just fill them up with stolen shit um yeah it was it was tight that there were lockers because we could really maximize our day yeah yeah you could really steal a lot i'm kidding that's crazy

you know it's funny about going to the city when you're a kid though is like you're not scared yet or i don't know like it's thrilling and it's also like but you're not you think you're gonna get killed or anything you know well sometimes you see some stuff that you're like i've never seen this before in my life in in real life poop on the ground yeah like some real humanity for the first time yeah san francisco's good for that it's got everything it's the first it's the first place i ever saw somebody shit on the ground yeah like in the act yeah because it's like one of those things you don't realize you don't you don't really see people actively pooping in your life someone pooped in i was i parked i was i was parked my car was parked and and I was pulling out of the spot, and then a woman decided to get right in front of my car

and poop in between the cars. Yep. Just because it was a safe space. Did you drive off? I had to wait for her to finish so I could move, or else I was going to squish her. Did you honk the horn so she would get it out quicker? No.

She didn't seem like she would have responded to any sort of loud noise in a good way kind of thing you know i'd probably just recline the seat and be like well i'm just gonna let him handle it that's exactly what we did i'd get out back and join her that's why you always keep a roll of toilet paper in the car yeah we're pooping in public we're taking a shit on my car how about that you're complicit i had a buddy poop on my car one time i think i've told you guys i believe that yeah he pooped it's still a buddy he's coming to my wedding pooped right on my hood didn't tell me for six months he shit on

the hood of your car like like he wanted you to see it he didn't want me to see him doing it but he popped down and pooped right on the hood of my car. I got out and I saw the poop. And his house was the one I was going to. And I just got there and I was like, somebody took a shit on my car and I was freaking out. He was like, in his mind, he admitted later, he's like, oh, he doesn't think it's funny. So I'm not going to tell. So he didn't tell me for like a year. That's so funny.

We were just sitting there and he goes, hey, I pooped on your car. I was like, oh, well, it's funny now. Wasn't funny then. So going to the city. I love it. Going to the city, going downtown. And let's hear that third pick. Making my way downtown, walking fast.

Oh. I met her husband one time. He's in the Dirty Heads. Michelle Branch? Mr. Branch? Or Vanessa Carlton's husband. He's in the Dirty Heads, I think. I met him one time. Mr. Carlton? Mr. Brunch. Vanessa Carlton's husband. He's in the Dirty Heads, I think. Mr. Carlton?

Mr. Carlton. Mr. Carlton. Mr. Carlton. Claire, your third pick. Serpentine Draft. That's what that means. It's like the Denver shuttle. Perfect. if you've been to the denver airport um okay uh uh uh uh dry humping oh shit on my list really i love it yes of course because at first

i wanted to say fingering and then I was like, well, you know. No, that's too advanced. Dry humping's for everybody because both parties Just a couple kids figuring it out. Both parties are involved. Sean never went through a dry humping phase because he got laid when he was 10, but 13.

And yes, I did. Also, I mean, not to sound crude, but I still do some fingering. You know what I mean? Yeah, we all gotta do a little bit of fingering. Yeah, I mean, not to sound crude, but I still do some fingering. You know what I mean? Yeah, we all got to do a little bit of fingering every once in a while. Exactly. However, dry humping, I've grown pretty out of that one. Yeah, you're like, I'm just going to get the pants out of the equation. When was the last time you tried it, though?

Like all the way? Because sometimes it's fun to just see red for a second. I don't think I've ever done it all the way like when your brain is just frenzied you're like that wolf in those cars the cartoon right into my soup that reminds me of that of that jessica seeley joke where she said she came so hard she saw the chicago bulls logo you know you don't know what sex is really well i don't know what it's like now for these kids

with their internet and their phones and whatnot i bet you it is insane now what these kids are doing they're doing they're doing atms they're doing tmis teens could be bukkake-ing for all I know. Oh, yeah. They're rattlejack-ing out here. They're doing tiger stuff. I don't know if rattlejack-ing is the real thing, and I don't want to know.

That's great. It's a bit me and Danny Moppen do like we pretend like we jerk off rattlesnakes for money that's pretty good to danny classic yeah that's a classic it's really fun yeah i used to work with danny at uh call center and it was so wild because it's like we know i know i'm out of the call center and he knows me out of the call center but we'd see each other it's just funny because i'm like we can we've been known to cut loose when we're not at work danny and i you would mop in yeah it's just funny it's just funny seeing someone at work anyway yes dry humping i it's um been a

while when do you think was your last dry hump when were you like i cannot i can't do this definitely immediately after the first couple a couple of times with this one particular boyfriend i was like okay this is did you go are we talking like you went like you are long sweaty like a long time like a long time ago or we dry humped for a long time for a long time like a half hour 45 minutes me dry hump long time was going to say it, but I'm glad you did. I'm not. Yeah, I feel like you do it until... I don't think I've ever done it all the way.

Of course, I mean, at the time I think I was 14. Well, to completion for the man. I don't think a girl can get to completion. That would be insane. Through two layers of denim. I can 14. Well, to completion for the man. I don't think a girl can get to completion. That would be insane. Through two layers of denim. I can't.

Absolutely not. You'd have to have a smoking hog to get there. Real smoking hog. But also like in dances, you know, there's kind of discreet grinding. We were just talking about grinding two hours ago. Yeah. Did you guys ever get separated? Like, did a teacher ever come over and they're like, hey.

Well, they would say, leave room for Jesus. Oh. You're like, he's right over here. You're kicking Jesus out. What are you doing? Yeah. No, dry humping was nuts What are you doing? Yeah. No, dry humping was nuts, man. Ew.

Yep. Stressful, really. And, well, moving on from the stress, then. Sharpie, what do you got? Number three. Okay. Dry heaving. Barfing, dude.

You guys ever go to barf parties? Dude. Yeah, you did at the lunch table every day the regurg party okay so this is fun this is definitely something i would have only done as a teenager there's no way you could you couldn't pay me to do this now but to go to a friend's band practice that was cool yeah a lot of friends that were in punk bands go to a punk basement or even like watch see their band at the roller rink or whatever yeah the basement shows that kind of goes in line with basement shows i was going to pick that where it's like for sure like 60 disgusting disgusting kids in a basement and like real quick there was blood involved

because the guitar player would just be going ham and you're like anyway yeah the band practice as a teens are so much more willing to get hurt because they think oh yeah health insurance just comes from the sky it's tight but then you throw in the cigarettes too so many cigarettes well i went to high school when like scene music was happening or you know hardcore hxc hardcore music and you remember when people would spin around like violently that was happening a lot like the church and stuff church where they had shows yeah the church yeah that kind of dancing where you're like just straight throwing elbows yeah you if you i'm just gonna do this and if you get close it's your own fault basically

and then you move into their face whoops they're not getting closer and you're like well i gotta move when i dance i always forget that you're a good dancer sharpie hey man i can do it all except for you spin one time. And that's like, people can't just pull that off. Are you one of those dickheads that like, when the wedding dance gets going, you're like, I mean, I guess. And then you just go absolutely kill it and sit back down.

You know what I said? I saw him do a spin one time. And it didn't look dumb. You know how many spins I've practiced just in the house just like going to get some water it's not easy dude fall down so when i was uh like 16 i was in a rehab where i learned how to break dance from other kids that i was in this rehab with because i was a little punk rock classic story because i was a little punk rock kid and everybody else so normal i know super relatable uh and everybody else in this rehab was like because at the time it was

like real raves were very cool you know so it's a bunch of like rave kids and then me and they were all dancing all the time and i was like you guys are so stupid and then eventually I was like all right teach me how to do this because I'm bored and then uh and I was like it's pretty cool so I learned some like dancing stuff and then I went to a wedding one of my cousin's weddings and I broke out some of the moves and everybody was like oh my god that's the greatest thing ever so then every wedding since they're like come on Chris and I'm like okay yeah those days are gone though like i don't need that validation anymore i started doing comedy i found it in a different way you know i don't need to dance at weddings yeah i don't do windmills anymore so well then but they force you to do it brent gill do the worm like four nights ago

but they it's a lot of work it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. That's a grub. They forced me to do it at one of my cousin's weddings. And in the middle of doing some cool move, you guessed it, pants ripped. No. America's funniest home video style. Absolutely. Shout out to the saggy.

Absolutely. While I was doing the like fake splits, the whole, it was like truly a classic move. Did your crotch come out? No, but I was your butt out. Basically.

Yeah. I was wearing like bright red boxers. Oh, of course. So you could definitely see it was, you were wearing red pants. I'm sorry. black pants. Bright red boxers. Okay.

So then it was like really obvious because they went from like crotch to belt, you know, like ripped the entire back out. When your pants ripped open at just the Joker's face, dude, right on your boxers. Twisted. So twisted. Oh, that is fun that is fun uh going to a friend's band practice yeah that would suck now i'll tell you what for sure david david number three third pick for you

see i did it all weird all right this feels similar to my last pick but i don't care because it was a place hanging out just like in front of the movies for hours in front of hours not even in the movies yeah i mean so you like loitering kind of just like chilling yeah i mean if you're gonna knock it up yeah like loitering excuse me they they went to a movie at five and it's midnight officer who brought this guy yeah old johnny call the cops over here excuse me officer those those kids have been here for six hours okay but like i'm thinking of that specifically from before everybody was driving yeah because then it was like a really

good place to like have your parents drop you off at six and be like fucking be out front at 10 i'm gonna come get you know what i mean and you could really get and you could see a movie you could see two or three yeah but it was like always also like are they gonna let me into the rated r movie is it the grown-up work i mean you just go sneak you just get into the radar yeah go to one movie sneak into another so the man chinese it wasn't set up easy to sneak in you had to you had to have an inside man sure we buy a ticket but then once you're in you just go from one theater to the other oh i'm talking about we used to overload it where we'd have somebody buy a ticket usually sam telling and then because he always had money and then prop the door open on the side and then

we would all go in yeah and then nobody wondered why there was 30 extra kids in old school i mean they might have wondered but you think about that because they're they're like 18 year olds what are they what are they really going to do? No. Yeah. But yeah, hanging out at the movies just all. It was like the nightclub for kids. Yeah.

Did you guys have any clubs that would do like 18 and under nights? Did you have that? 18 and under. 18 and under. They do like a kid's night at the adult dance club called Jams. What? With a Z. It's called Jams? With a with a z don't worry did you say jams or yams jams with a z oh both would be good i met my wife down at yams uh you know that shaggy and janet jackson song that oh boy i love you so yeah whenever i hear that song i love me love me i went to the kids night at jams and i remember i was

with like the cool kids from the other high school and i heard that song and i was dancing like such a dickhead just doing like like just what i thought was dope and it just absolutely wasn't but i was like the cool kids are here dancing with me at jams this is crazy yeah man once a month was it like on a wednesday i think a thursday it was like weekend adjacent they can't sacrifice a weekend night at an actual bar give it to children no it was because yeah they would it would be like you know you buy a coke how do they check 16 and under like are they carding for younger than how does that work i think they just didn't serve out that's a good question because i think they just didn't serve out that's a good question because i think they just didn't serve alcohol and i don't i think if you

were like old enough looking hopefully there weren't some old pervs yeah that's the thing that's what i would worry about with them like 16 and under it's a beacon to them too they probably made us prove it i bet you they did i just don't remember i bet you because you're 15 prove it. I bet you they did. I just don't remember. I bet you because you can go there. Oh, you're 15? Prove it. You can't go there if you're 30. But some dudes look old. Did you guys ever know kids like that who looked old? You could never seem to convince you to buy you beer?

Travis Maldonado. Yeah, Maldonado. Oldest looking dude of all time. We had a dude who was balding. He had a mustache and he was just balding and he looked like a man he would never buy us beer though what a bummer mark i know right yeah he's probably thinking about other stuff like balding and having a mustache paying taxes his secret family yeah whether whether she's gonna keep the house in the divorce if you got a mustache that's where you can get straight from the source kind of patch it up also ingenuity also if you're a teen who's balding buy your friend beer

or maybe i don't know okay i take that but i don't want to i'm just saying come on it's the only time it's gonna be cool for you to balding. Step up. You're going to live with it for the rest of your life. It's going to fucking suck. At least be a hero for two fucking years. You know what that guy's doing now? He's wearing fedoras. He's the hat guy in his friend group.

I bet he's a crypto billionaire. Yeah, definitely. 100%. All right, I'm going to hop hop it you tell me if this is too specific or or um so when i was a teenager skating and there was always like there was somebody who was had a house it was like an 18 year old because we were like 16 and we just knew kids from skating the pick is hanging out at that house older guys it was always bad in this case it was micah's we're at micah's house we'd go chill and um i think about that because we would just bring over

whatever like just cupcakes and soda and shit and leave all of our shit at his house real lost boys situation we would hang out on his front yard when he wasn't home just because it's like well it's his house so no one's gonna yell at us for being here he'd be at work till like three in the morning and we'd just be we were there all the time all the time and yeah like it was it was a blast we just sit and watch skate videos and it was amazing and he's still one of my best friends to this day but man that would get on my nerves unfortunately my house was Yeah, well, everybody had that house for a while. Several of my houses were that house. Yeah, we had that house for a while.

Into my mid to late 20s. I remember, yeah, currently right now. Yeah, currently right now your house is that. Like in this exact second. You're fielding a party that is not for you no that's because i'm nice yeah yeah but i remember going to some guys like a friend of mine had started dating some 18 year old and he somehow had access to a condo that was sparsely decorated. It wasn't his condo. I think it might have been. He struck me as a guy who moved out early or was forced out by parents and had to kind of make it work on his own.

Been there. Yeah. But that was the first place, maybe the only place I ever saw somebody smoke weed out of a light bulb. Oh, that wasn't weed, ma'am. Yeah. I mean, I think this was weed. Did you see it?

But I understand where they came up with it because one of the guys was like, nah, I've seen my dad do this. Oh, no. I also didn't realize how many of my friend's parents were meth heads until I look back on it.

I'm like, those parents were skinny looking. Yeah, tweaking. Tweaky deaky. For sure. Tweaky deaky. What am I supposed to say? Man, my parents were tweaky deaky. I have a joke about it, but my dad, he lived in a motel for a while, and I

came in and I saw all the fixings for what was meth smoking. And I was just like, Dad, what are you doing? Dad, are you cooking a turkey in here? Turkey dinner. Why is all this cranberry sauce on the ledge? That's a turkey dinner, Sean. That's what I'm doing.

Tell your mom the child support's in the mail and i'm eating right so it's all good uh yeah hanging just hanging at like the one person's house who was just barely older than you but they had a house uh and then the my fourth pick is going to be going so i'm going to pick going to the fair but i'm just i'm going to try it. Like we had a lot of outdoor public events, like jazz fest, hot Harley nights, hot Corvette nights, like hot summer nights. Those are all the things that happen in Sioux Falls. Corvette nights. Yeah.

Now that's where you meet a wife. Just going to those and just being like around. Cause it's hot Corvette nights. Those, you could just bring a bottle of Jaeger and you just you have you're also you're the hot nights which is all of a sudden you're 21 too you know i'm 21 tonight yeah those were because it's like oh shit the fair's going on i will be there open to close every day that it happens yeah we had good we had parker days which is like you've been to parker days probably and it's like even now i think it's a high school reunion like if i i remember one year we didn't even make it inside

we got to turn to the mcdonald's parking lot and then the cops came and busted it up and we had to run back to my apartment that's crazy shit where you're like you didn't even get there and you're like no dude we were jumping on cars that weren't us. It was a bad scene. Yeah. Yeah, man. Just hanging out with all these horrible adults who saw kids and they were like, yeah, good. They got to learn. Gnarly adults.

Yeah. Hot Harley Knights is the craziest one in Sioux Falls because it's like... Hot Harley Knights. It sounds like puke. They line Phillips with all the Harleys and everywhere's outdoors in the middle of July. It's just like a big cigarette.

I'm just imagining you got a bunch of little kids hanging out with adults with the, if you can read this, the bitch fell off shirt. And then you guys are laughing at that and being like, what do they mean by that yeah trying to figure out the joke shut up jake do you get it yeah no why don't you go masturbate since you do that you loser remember that weird that was like there was that period of time with dudes where it's just like i bet he jerks off probably beats off over there what a loser

in your head you're like i don I want to go beat off right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't stop thinking about it. I wish I was doing it right now. It feels so good. I wanted to beat off. My mom made me go to hot Harley nights. She wants me to support my uncle, but I said

he ain't doing nothing for me yeah is he beating me off no i am i don't want to go there there's nowhere to jack off if i go to hot harley nights no i jack me off uh anyway so yeah hot harley nights in the fair David, fourth pick. My fourth pick, and this might be a really specific Elizabeth thing. We would party just, I don't know how to explain it. It would be like somebody's grandma's property. And we would just, but we had like all the cuts to get to the ravine. And then we would just be in the field lit up by car lights all night.

Oh, that sounds fucking dope. Yeah, people would like, people would steal, people would steal a bunch of dura flame locks from in front of safeway and sometimes the cops would come and everybody would just because we all we all knew where we were everybody would just kind of scatter off but yeah so feel feel sorry sorry that's a good time. We just left you hanging so hard. I know, man. Yeah, you know what I mean, though, right? You guys think it's cool? I had to fill time with a burp.

Forgive me if I've told this story, but there was one time where we were going to a property like that. It was a place in the woods, and a cop followed me to the parking point, but he didn't know where everybody was, but there was like nine cars, and I didn't know he followed me. So I get out, but he didn't know where everybody was, but there was like nine cars, and I didn't know he followed me, so I get out, and he hits the lights.

I was like, shit, and so he just comes up, and he's like, what's going on? I go, nothing. I'm just chilling. I didn't want to snitch, and then you could hear everybody partying. He goes, where are they? I know that feeling.

He goes, where are they? And I go, there's no way I'm going to tell you. They're all my friends. I was like, even if I wanted can't i can't be that person so did you say like these colors don't run or something i was just telling him like dude you know i can't snitch if i do i'm that i'm a snitch and also they're gonna know i snitched and i'm gonna be a mark it's like i can't do it so he i go i'll call one of them and explain what's going on because he wasn't leaving so i called my buddy Shane.

He gets on the phone and I could hear Shane bargaining and like talking shit because he knows the cop doesn't know where he's at. And then ultimately the cop was like, well, you can't go. And he followed me out, like escorted me out, but he couldn't find him. It was hilarious. Damn. Yeah. Property parties, dude. They're the best.

Good on you, man. Yeah. Just like it was really fun too because it was like anything could go down out there oh yeah for sure a lot of people dancing on top of cars and shoes real yeah that's how people like die on accident for sure yeah for sure for sure especially like in like people a lot of times people would get left. It goes for sure. Yeah, I know your life. Good times. No, but people would get left out there sometimes.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, and then the next day they're like, I had to walk eight miles home. Yeah, back to city, like from the country. It's like jet black, see the Milky Way stars, and you're like, I had to walk home. Well, you follow the creek. That's all you got to do. Follow the creek. Always follow the creek. Follow the creek. That's all you gotta do. Follow the creek. Always follow the creek.

Follow the creek till where you get to where it's kind of stinky and you go, that's the way where the city is. Yeah, I made it. Old stink crank. Property woods parties. Sharpie? Sharpie, what's number four?

Okay, this one I guess I'd say... I'm going to go with... Yeah, okay. You got it. I'm going to say riding on the bus after a soccer game. Oh, man. Team school. Team bus.

Team bus. If you won, if you lost, it sucked. Absolutely. On the way home from a victory on the team bus. That you won, if you lost, it sucked. Absolutely. On the way home from a victory on the team bus. That's my pick. It's the greatest. I don't think that there's ever been a better time than that, actually. You go to Taco Bell, make some kid puke.

Tell some other kid it's Taco Bell, not puke. And then he eats it, and then you tell him later. Freshman gotta eat six inch Doritos. Man, that was a good time. Team buzz. A lot of humor you can't get away with anymore. No way. Severely inappropriate.

There's never been a more inappropriate place in the back of that bus. Just letting it fly. Dare I say the front was worse. The coaches were like... You rode up front with the coaches, you narc? I was on the D team. Fucking square.

This dude sat up front with the coaches like a whale. You guys think the back of the bus was fun? You should have been up front with all the adults. Why are you trying to convince me? You know what? We were really partying with the grown-ups. Well, Sean wanted to talk about Steely Dan or whatever. What the hell? The Steely Dan

concert at the fair they all happen to be at. So you guys were all in Vietnam. That's interesting. That's interesting. My dad, he said something about Vietnam. Yeah, yeah. And the bus driver too. So the bus driver's name I know now. That's tight. And they're all

back there beating off and telling stories oh man gosh yeah good times i don't have too much experience on a victory team yeah i don't either but i can only imagine it's pretty fun good time when we got in trouble though when we would lose they couldn't even they said this is so fucked up now if we lost a game coming home the cheerleaders would have to ride on the jv bus they couldn't even ride on our bus that's like what yeah that's like property shit that's crazy yeah it's not a good place i don't know you i'm just telling you okay now I can't share? I'm sorry. No, no, you can share. You make kids eat puke.

I didn't make them. I suggested that it was food. They believed me like a fool. You're lying. Tell it how you want. You suggested that barf was food? They believed me, which they shouldn't have. Show me barf. Tell me I'm going to think it's food. I know what barf looks like. That's what I'm saying.

Show me barf. I'll show you a kid who will eat it for free. I love it. Team bus after a victory. One thing we used to do for, I know, David, you always like when I talk about my bullying days. I do love it. I know.

I'm so glad I've grown out of them, but they were fun. I know, but your heart still loves it. It's true. You know better. Like, you know better. Like, you don't do crimes anymore, but you're like, man, I still miss. Absolutely. They used to have fun robbing jewelry stores.

Absolutely. I miss the life. But we used to, because you'd have people with their shirt off, you know, after a game, because it was all hot and gross in the bus. So kids would be riding with their shirt off and you would go up behind them and one person would go and pull their arms up and hold their arms up and like, you know, keep it so they couldn't move and have their arms up

and then somebody else would put Icy Hot in their armpits. Oh, man. We had so many Icy Hot shenanigans. Brutal, because then you'd have to spend the rest of the bus ride with your arms they shouldn't let kids buy it i know like kids buy ice yeah that's dangerous you know what i thought you were gonna say is that that you they hold your arms up and then they somebody comes up and tickles you no that's kind of what I hope would happen. Yeah, sounds like you were riding up front with Sean and the adults, Claire. I don't know what happens at all-girls school, Claire,

but we don't tickle each other. Y'all tickling each other back there again? I'm sure you guys have tickle fights and pillow fights in your underwear, but we were icy hot in each other. We're icy? This is the streets. We're rubbing repeating rub all over our bodies excuse me coach pepper all the kids on the back of the bus made fun of me could you tickle it away please

kiss it make it better uh yeah i love it the uh the bus uh after a victory not a loss mind you claire let's round it out fourth and then your final pick which final pick will go quick as we are uh as we do go on um so yeah your fourth pick and then okay it okay it's it's a toss-up between for me personally i'm just gonna talk this out here so everybody kind of gets where i'm coming from i love it talk it out they're illegally downloading music slash movies yeah or were you a limewire gal yeah definitely i mean you get two picks so just pick them both uh oh i do yeah well it's your fourth pick and then your fifth pick and that's the last one serpentine oh yeah it's like the denver it's like the denver airport uh-huh um so i'm gonna say that um and kind of waiting hours if not days for kind of one

jackass movie to kind of fully oh yeah uh flip side doing jackass like stunts with your friends jumping Jumping off stuff. Fucking up shopping carts. Throwing weestead on garbage day. We'd go get microwaves and shit and just drive up to the top of a parking ramp and just toss them off. It was so fun.

They have a big garbage day in Sioux Falls where you can put big things out on the curb. It's once a month. You can put TVs and stuff. They have one big garbage can in Sioux Falls. One big garbage can in Sioux Falls. One big garbage can in hot Harley. You misunderstood him. He said that Sioux Falls is

one big garbage can. I will never say that. Sioux Falls is next to God. But we would go get the big items like toaster ovens and TVs and shit and go up on parking ramps and just throw them off like jackass stuff. know did you guys ever did you guys ever watch cky yeah yeah yeah camp kill yourself yeah yeah like pre jackass stuff those yeah i mean it was jackass before jackass for

sure do you guys ever smash mailboxes oh yeah i heard about it i'm leaving a number of things off of my list uh for you know legal reasons yeah yeah i don't want to somebody smashed mailboxes we used to okay no i'll wait i'll say we're hopping well we don't what yeah yeah we still got some pics so um but yes i am fully with both those stealing music and movies online doing jackass stuff stuff. Fantastic. Sharpie, last pick. Oh, great. Well, then I should have just fucking said it right then. Why did I wait?

It's okay. I could have just gone right into it. So my fifth pick, we only had one place to hang out in Broomfield where I grew up, which was the Lovin' Oven. It was the bowling alley slash. You went to a brothel? That's right. bowling alley slash you went to a brothel that's right it was it was a bowling alley slash restaurant slash pool hall you know all the a classic bowling alley you know it had everything

for sure and i used to love going to the uh i mean it was true like we had nothing else to do like at some point there was a target came into town and that was like, Oh shit, there's a target that there was like the 11 oven or the target. There was no other stores. There was no other fucking choice. I've had to make several times. So we go to,

we would go to the 11 oven for everything. It was like the place to hang out. We would steal bowling balls from there. This was what I was just about to say. We'd steal bowling balls from there and This was what I was just about to say. We'd steal bowling balls from there and then get into one of our friend's cars and then driving down the street, fucking throw the bowling ball out the car.

And then just drive away. That's insane. Who knows where that ball went and what it broke. Terrible kids. Dazed and confused style, man. Well, hanging out at the Lovin' Oven, I think was on all of our lists for different reasons. I thought I could get it last. man. Well, hanging out at the Lovin' Oven, I think, was on all of our lists for different reasons.

I thought I could get it last. It was definitely the first place that I puked from drinking, the Lovin' Oven. I mean, I'm sure you're not the only person to say that. Now, David, we'll get to your last pick right after this short commercial break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay,

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fantasy everything david if you could please softly smoothly sort of lotion like say your last pick is it eating a bowl of lotion and telling somebody it's barf i'm glad we can't see marissa's face right now yeah i'm not liking it i don't know maybe she's taking notes yeah uh my last pick is and this is only happened to me when i was a kid because i got older and knew like more criminals and stuff uh spending all day to find weed yeah oh nice like place to place calling that kid you went to summer school with who like said he could you know what i mean like it used to be an all-day endeavor but like it would be kind of like innocent like you weren't ever in big it wasn't like scary you know what i mean it was just like you just had to figure it out but it was such an ordeal like all right what do you mean i have to go to the lewis parking lot for an hour and then

he'll be there and then we have to go with him to dave's house and then dave's gonna wait for steven to get over there with the shittiest weed you could possibly imagine yeah i remember before legalization you remember this in colorado chris sometimes she would just be dry people would just be like i don't know it's dry nobody nobody has any weed it would light up like no no no i mean like there was no weed in town yeah there'd be like a week or two weeks you'd be like no dude nothing everybody's dry everybody's dry since it falls from time like i'll go back and and they'll just be like we don't have any and i'm like no way it's still possible for that to happen yeah i mean it happened a lot but it used to be it was just like really exciting and then like you know now you're

at like the top of a hill in a weird subdivision you've never been to with a guy named memphis it's his girlfriend's PT cruiser, so he's got to get back soon. It's a cutie pie. It's a quarter pound. Don't fucking worry about it. Are you going to weigh it? Stuff like that. Sounds like you got to get to that party.

Happy birthday, David. You got to wrap this up. All right, my last pick. I am going to say. Doc! Give me five fucking minutes. This is, bunch of jerks, man.

They don't respect you. It's your house. My last pick, I'm going to pick, this was something that was like earlier in my teen years, but it was going

to the skating rink. I lived at the skating rink before, before I started skateboarding, I would go to the skating rink because that's where all the gangster kids went and it was like what i wanted to do all the time it was where all the fights were because you ain't shit if you can't of course i could skate backwards david that's the only way that you got to skate with the woman that you wanted to skate with the woman the girl that you wanted to skate with. The woman. The girl that you wanted to skate with. Were you couple skating?

Huh? Were you couple skating? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot you were fully active at 12. He was throuple skating. One hand in each pocket. Dude, I'm out here.

So that is the draft. Before I recap, Marissa, did you have any picks for how you used to spend your teenage time? Oh, yeah. I spent so much of my teen years just playing MMORPGs, massive multiplayer online role-playing games. That's where I wasted many of my hours. What's a good example of what I would like? What would be one that we would know?

Like World of Warcraft is like a big one. Okay. I gotcha. They call it WoW. Ian would have picked that, right? I definitely, I think that would have been something that he was doing. I don't know. Oh, also playing Sims.

I think I played Sims for days on end. Dark, in my dark room. For sure. Did you have like a family? Would you just like make them live a life? I just, I would make all of them have sex. And that was kind of like my porn that's that was your point yeah but you you know you know what they're doing under the sheets there but you have to get them the heart-shaped bed because they won't have sex in

any other in the other beds i didn't know any of that i didn't know how to make scenes. These are early versions. Very similar to me. To recap, Claire, you went first. You said eating weird shit, going to the city, dry humping, stealing music and movies online, and doing jackass stuff. Sharpie, you came in second. You said going to diners and smoking

cigs, cruising in the car, going to a friend's band practice, team bus rides after a victory and only after a victory, and going obviously to the Lovin' Oven quite a bit. David, you went third. You said hanging in parking lots, hanging in the athletic hallway,

hanging at the movie theater, hanging in property or woods. I thought it was places we were spending time. Spending all day looking for weed. I mean, it all absolutely works. It's the same shit. It's the same shit. I picked hanging at the mall, skateboarding,

going to the one 18-year-old's house that you all knew, but you could chill at their crib, going to the fair slash Hot Harley Nights, and then going to the skating rink. Hot Harley Nights! I want to take all you guys to Hot Harley Nights one of these days. That'll be my bachelor party. I don't want to take all you guys to Hot Harley Nights one of these days I don't want to go

we left I don't know we left not a lot of heat on the board only if I can get a t-shirt I got everything I got all the main ones all the main ones I wanted got yeah hit us with your picks hit us online hit us on our twitter account allfantasypod on twitter

allfantasyPod at gmail.com Got a list of shoutouts that we are going to knock out because they've been adding up. So shoutout to Mandy from Daniel. Congrats on the wedding. Shoutout to Mary from Corey. Shoutout to John

from Damon. Hi Sam. Hannah loves you. Oh, I said it wrong. Hi Sam. Hannah loves you. Oh, I said it wrong. Hi, Sam. Hannah loves you. Oliver and Ross from Tanner. Detours and Designs. Shout out to Detours and Designs. Shout out to Randy. That's a pretty

vague one. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. Bill and Meredith, good luck with that skateboard. Hell yeah. And happy birthday to Matt Castro. Shout out to our guest, Chris Sharpentier, Claire O'Kane. Go check out Claire's skateboard hell yeah and happy birthday to matt castro shout out to uh our guests chris charpentier claire o'kane go check out claire's show what was the day again claire march 20 i got a march 29th at the elysian theater my solo show pain as art it is also on february 19th at life world in brooklyn dope figure it out I forgot about it. Yeah, absolutely.

Go check it out. Hot Harley Nights for the deets. Basically. HotHarleyNights.com All my deets. Go to the websites. Get them. Go check everybody out. And yeah, shout out to Haji Beach. Shout out to Sid the Dude.

Shout out to... Oh, come on. Shout out to Haji Beach. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to sid the dude shout out to oh come on shout out to shout out haji beat shout out sid the dude shout out to david oh shout out to david damn it shout out uh don't even just kid the dude shout out haji beats shout out to uh someone else and more importantly than all that franky ocean shout out franky ocean shit somebody has that tattooed on their body uh shouted frankie ocean because of us more important who knows more important than all that tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything hot harley nights that was a hate gun podcast