All Fantasy Everything - Wedding Faux Pas (w/ Rachel Bonnetta)

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

We've got another Canadian on the podcast, eh?Guest:Rachel Bonnetta (IG @rachelbonnetta, X @rachelbonnetta)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we're drafting Wedding Faux Pas. Our guest today is the multi-talented stand-up comedian, video creator. The list goes on. Rachel Bonetta. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And with me, as always, are my friends and stand-up comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. I've got a little bit of nut butter in my mouth, and it made it complicated to get through that sentence. But let's get through the episode. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy everything. The podcast that said nut butter in the previous intro.

Never not funny. What's funny about that? That's interesting, David, that you think it's funny. It's a maturity thing, I guess. Have you guys tried these Baru nuts? Rachel, you can talk whenever, by the way. You don't have to wait for any kind of introduction. What even is a Baru nut?

Yeah, I've never even heard that. It's the hot new nut on the block. Perfectly crunchy, savory, and versatile. It's a perfectly crunchy, savory, and versatile addition to your nut repertoire, straight from the tropics of Brazil, and that's the copy on the bag.

When I'm there next week, can I borrow some? Come on. Comedy podcast. Is it good? I'm out here with jokes immediately. Is it like a Brazil? Coming to LA to quit comedy. It's a little bit of a Brazil nut. It's a,

it's the healthiest nut. Like it's the least fat content of all the nuts. Oh really? They're pretty good. I can't do it. I feel like I went through a phase in college where all I would eat was peanut butter on like everything imaginable and now I can't eat it at all. I can't eat nuts period. Was it a health thing or was it a broke

thing? I was very poor thing. I was stealing toilet paper from the restaurants in my area. That is such, yeah. Been there. All that one fly. Hell yeah. Oh yeah. They would, they have that paper, that toilet paper that dissolves when you touch it.

That's the stuff that I used to steal that was from work. And it was like a tire. That's how big the roll of toilet paper was because it's so thin and they would put it, I'm serious. And it was so, so gutter and it wouldn't fit on our toilet paper roll. So we just had a loose,

huge roll of toilet paper. You had the spare tire of toilet paper. I did have some class. I would go into the nice sushi restaurant and I would steal the nice toilet paper. We would stock it up. You were running on advanced levels. You were scouting out the right restaurant. Put some thought into it.

That's why you're doing so well now because you planted the seed back then. I get it. There you go. I ate something that I called Spaghetti at the time which was just spaghetti, hot sauce and then those big industrial drums of Parmesan cheese. You know what I mean? Like the cheese dandruff. And it was honestly phenomenal.

And to this day, I would eat a bowl of it. I feel like there are those things that you used to eat in college that you would eat when you were so broke that now it's kind of like a nostalgia thing. Oh, yeah. And it's kind of tasty. A can of Hormel chili with shredded cheese on it. I love it still to this day. I've never known you to, to,

to shake off a Hormel chili. I'll take a can of any kind of stew base. Any of those hungry, like hungry man's or whatever they are. Dinty Moore. Yeah. Sign me up. I'll get you through a winner.

Didn't do you want mac and cheese with the cut up hot dogs. If you're really splurging, you found the hot dogs. If you're really splurging, that was a delicate dogs. If you're really splurging, that was a delicacy. It was fun. You get to poke around for the hot dog too. You're like, where's the fucking hot dog at? Yeah, it was good. I have come to a point in my life

where I will appreciate and enjoy a fancy macaroni and cheese. Hell yeah. But for a while, my body rejected the transplant. Just having come from the Blue Box Blues for my entire life, the Kraft. Oh, you didn't like baked mac and cheese? No, because I never had it until I was a little older.

And I was like, no, this is not what macaroni and cheese is. Oh, I'm a big. It's tasty. Yeah, baked mac is like. I don't really fuck with the Blue Box that much, to be honest. Really? That's just like the Kraft dinner, the mac and cheese. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, cause it's just like, cause we would always have it at like Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's like a, it's like a holiday. You know what I mean? It was, we did casseroles heavy, but never the baked macaroni and cheese. Rachel, you saying Kraft dinner is like that moment in, um, in glorious bastards where they find out the guy isn't really German because of the wrong three?

Gorlant. Oh, wait, never mind. I'm showing my Canadian, aren't I? Now we know you're fully Canadian. Yeah. Yeah. Disgusting. Disgusting.

Excuse me. Please excuse yourself from this podcast. Excuse me. I'm sorry. I am very Canadian. Yeah. My mom's actually visiting right now. Usually I'm like, I hide it pretty well.

Like as soon as I moved to the States, I got rid of my, my stories, my tomorrows. It's all like the, the, oh, um, in any words, but, and my mom's here and she's been here for the last few days. So it's starting to, it'll, it'll poke out a little bit more than usual right now. Cause I'm speaking Canadian with her. What part of Canada are you from? I'm from a really small town a couple hours outside of Toronto

in Ontario, Canada. Oh, fantastic. We'll be in Toronto in June. Hell yeah. Where are you guys performing? The Randolph. The Randolph. The Randolph.

Excellent. Yeah. It's a great city. It's an old professor's house. His name is Randolph and we're performing in his study. Sounds cool. Sean Jordan is going to be one we're performing in his study. Sounds cool. Sean Jordan is going to be one of those people performing there.

Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougarmel and Jordan on Instagram. Sean, growing a mustache, kind of getting on my block. Is that what my eyes see right now? See, now this is what happens when you're nice on the podcast yesterday, because I'm the nice one. We talked about this. So now I grew the mustache.

No, I know. We're switching places. It's our anniversary today So now I grew the mustache. No, I know. It's our anniversary today and I feel like I look stupid with... This is going to sound so dumb. I just feel like it looks... If I shave, if I trim it all and it's even, I don't like the way I look. So I left the stache a little bit longer than this.

Just so I'm confident tonight at dinner with my wife, by the way. Somebody who's never seen you. i just feel i don't know it is it i'm old enough i can be like yeah i like the way this looks so i i like the way this looks so i did it you look good i think you look good weird to say that out loud where are you guys going to dinner i don't jakes i want to say jakes it's like a seafood restaurant downtown yeah that also has so we got a big old gift card, a $250 gift card from one of her old professors in college.

And she's like, When did you get it? Just for your anniversary? No, she got it like a week ago randomly. And she's like, well, let's use this on our anniversary. I was like, I can eat $125 dinner and you can eat $125. No problem. At a seafood restaurant?

Gotta get the tower. Gotta get the tower. Rachel, old boy does not eat seafood at all. Neither one of us do. Wait, what? What are we doing? Laura doesn't eat seafood either? She hates it more than me.

So we had to find a restaurant. Now I'm understanding this union. I never had heard that before. We're going to like a seafood restaurant to get expensive hamburgers. And we're both like, it's going to smell like fish and it's going to suck.

Hilarious. So it'll be funny. Just go all out on the booze and the dessert and you'll be fine. She don't drink. Get like three Keelan pies or something. It's going on. She's a dessert heavy partner. So yeah, we'll go with dessert. Partner? You can't call her. She's a dessert heavy

partner. You cannot call your wife a dessert heavy partner. It sounded call your wife a dessert heavy partner. It sounded so bad as it was coming out. It's written on the cake. They bring out a cake that has dessert heavy partner written on it. He wrote it on the card. Another great year with my dessert heavy partner. I can't be saying this later, so it's good it's coming out now.

This is nice. That's funny. Your hair looks good too, man. That being said, I have a dessert heavy partner too. We were just meeting and we were just talking about this in Wisconsin. I mean, look at this. The baking array there alone. Dessert heavy partner.

Yeah, I'm not a... I'd rather have biscuits and gravy over any dessert any day. I'm savory all day. So it's interesting having someone who loves sweets in the house. Yeah. Dave and I were talking about it over the weekend. Our respective partners have gotten us into the sugar game heavy.

Yeah, we're getting ocean waters after we go to the movies now. What is an ocean water? She said that earlier, and I was going to ask you, what is that? It's like a sonic drink that they make. I don't know. It's blue. It's pretty good. I thought she meant, and can I be honest with my friends? I thought she meant real ocean water.

And I was like, why the fuck is that in there? But I didn't want to bring that up and sound dumb. I know. What a tangled web we weave, my friend. So you didn't get the story at all when she told you? I was being polite because of the mustache. I was worried.

I was self-conscious. I didn't want anyone to bring it up. So I was just trying to be nice. She told Sean a whole story about ocean water. And he was like, oh, yes. Totally normal. We went to Trader Joe's the other day. And Laura's like, she goes, let's take Maxine in there to find the cat.

They have this stuffed cat. But the whole time until we got into Trader Joe's, I'm like, there's a real cat that lives in this Trader Joe's and we're going to go find it and you get a sticker. And she thought I was like just leaning into the bit with our daughter. And then we got there. I was like, oh, it's a stuffed cat. She's like, you didn't thought it was real this whole time. Like a cat would just stay in Trader

Joe's. I mean, Joe's I've seen cats in bodegas. Yeah, for sure. I could, but I could see that. Yeah. Trader Joe's of all the the chain bodegas yeah for sure I could see that Trader Joe's have all the chain stores I would be like yeah they might have a cat so I am right I'm not going to dinner tonight alright yeah take it off

I'm going to shave my head yeah Sonic for their presence in media commercials especially, not a ton of locations anywhere I've ever lived. No, that's the thing. There's not a lot of them.

But they have them in Colorado. And Sonic is really good. It's like a good summer night place to go. I can see that. What are you eating there? What are you getting? I mean, there's all kinds of stuff. I usually go there for like the dessert

stuff. I mean, the food is fine, but it's like you go there, you get a little ice cream, a blast, some kind of a shake, maybe a sauce. Is it like a Dairy Queen? It's like a hot eats cold treats kind of. Sort of. But then they also sell burgers. Yeah, but a lot

of good frozen. And then the one in Denver is across from Sloan's Lake. So you can like park and then you see the whole lake in the city skyline. And it's right by the movie theater. We go to it's like a fun little. This is a very romantic evening. It's absolutely lovely. Yeah.

Oh, it was. It was. It was really great. We saw Planet of the Apes and then we got some sweet treats. How that i hear they're great it's the best one really i i thought it's the best one that i've ever seen the new one i thought it was the best it's also bleak and that movie is all i mean it's so smart right because it's like you go and watch it and there's just the subtext that you can punch in it's a million different types of people sure it's like you go and watch it and there's just the subtext that you can punch in. It's a million different types of people. It's a million different stories.

So you just can't. For me, it's just like I'm just mad at everybody the whole time. But it's really fun. It's really well done. Yeah, I would say go see it. I liked it better than any of the other ones. Five apes out of five. Yeah, five apes out of five.

As I know we are in, not a hurry hurry, but I know we have a constraint. So let me just rip off the tour dates real quick. And that'll be, that's all I'm doing. New York, June 11th.

Philly, June 12th. We can say the, maybe say the venues too for the kids. Maybe I won't. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Maybe say the venues. The Bell House, New York City, June 11th.

Underground Arts in Philly, same place as last time, June 12th. The Bell House, again, June 13th. Two scoops in that Sunday for you. June 14th, going to the Black Hat in Washington, D.C. June 15th, the Randolph, that old professor's crib in TDOT on June 15th. Arts of the Armory in Boston on Sunday the 16th. And then we're taking a day to recover. And then Tuesday the 18th, Pittsburgh,

Bottle Rocket Social Hall. June 19th, Wednesday, the Roxy at Mahal's in Cleveland. June 20th, Detroit at the Magic Bag. June 21st, Chicago at the Dent Theater, but it's sold out. Y'all missed it. June 22nd, the Parkway Theater in Minneapolis. And come see the crew. And we're going to have

Sugar Shane Torres the whole time. The whole time. Except for one of the Bell House shows. Right? Am I crazy? We might mix. We're going to mix up the New York bookings. One or both of them. Because it is New York. I used to live down the street from the Randolph.

I just looked it up. Literally around the corner. You guys could go steal toilet paper from the same place. Oh, yeah. You got to drop this into your restaurant. If you wanted to. Is it worth eating at that place as well? Yeah, I ripped. I'll send you.

If you guys are in that area, I'll send you a bunch of good recs. That's awesome. Because I don't know where to go in Toronto. Never been. Is it a cool area? Is it like a funky? Hell yeah. This area is called the Annex.

This area is called the Annex. This area is called the Annex and it's just like very vibey. Lots of cool coffee shops. Lots of like young people. It's a good spot. Lots of good bars. Yeah. That's all I want.

Great breakfast spot. Maybe the best in Toronto. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah. I see us having breakfast on this tour. Not like the last one. We had a lot of lunch

on the last one. I don't know. We're going to have tight travel schedule. This is not. Yeah, well, anyway. We're going to be turning and burning, baby. Come see our shows. David Borey is here. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. And that's it as far as social media goes, my friends. That's all that I got.

When does this come out? Thursday? Next Thursday. Let me give you the exact date here. Give me the exact date here. Filibustering. Filibustering. The 23rd is early? Rachel, what's the great breakfast restaurant really quick?

Okay, it's called Insomnia. And it's literally right around the corner. And they toss their potatoes in some kind of ketchup-y juice. Oh, I love that. And it's just fantastic. I like that. And then also, I don't know if you guys drink alcohol a lot, but Caesars are Canadians' Bloody Marys. And they're way better than a Bloody Mary.

You have to try a Caesar. What's in it? It's Clamato juice that you have in a Bloody Mary. Clam juice, right? Yeah, it's with clam juice. It's a different kind of juice that they put. It's like saltier. Also, Canada goes all in

on their garnishes you like i've had a caesar with like a slice of pizza attached to it it's you gotta do it you gotta more say no more brother i'm in there like swimwear this is yeah even the word clam didn't uh scare sean off which is crazy it doesn't taste it's just salty on this may 23rd may 23rd which is when this is coming out sean wasn't scared off by clam juice isn't that crazy may 23rd you've seen me try it all i'll try anything you put in front of me at least once i try to have an open palette the date may 23rd i get you okay may 23rd oh i just shot my special last week if you want some videos and insight into that and then a link to buy it when it comes out follow my patreon at patreon.com backslash david bory uh come to the all fantasy everything tour uh june 30th i will

be headlining helium comedy club in portland oregon most likely with sean jordan if he acts right nobody's going to that bro nobody's going come out I don't have any material for that so who knows what's going to happen and then in July watch Exploding Kittens on Netflix it's crazy that at your taping which already happened a few days ago that dude rode in on a horse and blew a trumpet

I mean honestly you know I saw it coming that's my that's my fan base. Yeah. A lot of trumpeted dudes on horseback. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they just won't stop playing Reveille.

It's fine. So much Reveille at the show, man. It's crazy we're able to get through it. Rachel Bonetta is here, at Rachel Bonetta on Twitter and that's two N's and two T's my friends also on TikTok at the same you tell people where to find you

I think I'm rbonetta on TikTok I think somebody had already taken Rachel Bonetta it is indeed confirming now it's rbonetta yeah and then Rachel Bonetta on everything else Instagram all that fun stuff where can people come see you other than those social media sites? Let's see. If you're in Los Angeles, I'm in the bourbon room with some very fun people on June 20th. I have a monthly show at the West Side. It's an all women's show, which is very cool that I host.

And then I'll be posting about more exciting dates as they come wonderful wonderful radical wonderful freaking radical my name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter Instagram TikTok YouTube all those places come see me my book

t-shirt swim club stories for being fat in the world of thin people comes out June 11th. You can pre-order it now. Why not go to bookshop.org and pre-order it now? Dude, I'm on the site so much they kick me off. I mean, I'm always there. You can't stop me.

Always getting targeted ads for local bookstores, tote bags, oat milk flat whites. Football games, man. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Just funny, like expensive chocolate bars. I'm trying to think of what else they have at bookstores.

Uh, biscotti biscotti, Jane Austin themed jigsaw puzzles. All that stuff. Uh, pre-order my book. It's coming out soon. I will sign your copy.

If you get it at the, uh, shows, the AFV shows, you can also at the shows, the AFV shows. You can also buy the book at the AFV shows. The little local bookstores are going to be setting up little booths there. Booths? Booth-ists?

I think you said boobs, actually. It sounded like you said boobs, dude. Local bookstores are going to be setting up. What's going on at these shows, you guys? You're going to have to buy a ticket, take the ride. He said it like a tenured history professor would say it, though. Oh, there was a boob in my class a boobs oh yeah oh yeah like fools there'll be three boobs at least on stage real come up for the guys

uh what else i come to the afe shows um oh i am going to be guest hosting Love It or Leave It on May 30th. That's awesome. Fun. At Dynasty Typewriter. Come out and see that. That show's fun. It's going to be real fun. No longer opening for Ellen DeGeneres because of a scheduling conflict.

But come to all that stuff before. And then stay tuned for some exciting stuff this summer. You should just go somewhere crazy. Just move to Montana for the summer. Oh, I would do that. Come on, it's a big sky country. I would too. I mean, should we all move to Montana this summer? Yes, Montana is pretty

incredible. It'd be sick, man. Just up there in the guts with like, no, you just want to talk about seeing the Northern Lights. It would have been crazy in Montana. Up there in the guts? Up there in the guts with like, no, you just want to talk about seeing the Northern Lights. It would have been crazy in Montana. Up there in the guts? Up there in the guts. I thought it was crazy too. We're just going to skate right past that?

What is that? In the middle of Montana. Like, you know, just outside of this, like whatever cities there are. But like in the. The cities are tiny. Like Bozeman is like, you can still see all the stars from Bozeman. Talking like going to like Whitetail or whatever it is, like up by the border. You know what I mean?

You can still see all the stars in Bozeman would be either an amazing debut novel or a final country song. If anyone's looking for a title for either one of those things, you can still see all the stars in Bozeman by David Borey. Come on.

I love Bozeman. I would go back. Shout out to Last Best Comedy. If you became a novelist, would you go by S. David Borey? S. David Borey? I think I'd go by S.D. Borey. S.D. Borey. S.D. Borey sounds astute.

Yeah. Sounds smart. Like he knows things. Yeah. Maybe I'd add a new initial. A.S.D. Borey or something. Maybe a PhD in front of that doctor. Yeah. Or DDS. I don't want to in front of that doctor. Yeah, or DDS.

I don't want to be too presumptuous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? Yeah. Hold on. Wait, am I stupid? What? You don't know what a DDS is? I'm stupid too. I'm with you. Is that like a lawyer? I was going to say dentist. I didn't want to sound like an asshole.

That was like Esquire. Yeah. Esquire is lawyer, right? Yeah. Although I never hear anybody do it. I've never seen it written. And it's not, I'm doing a full company move. You look like you're on that show fear on MTV.

Like you're running out of a haunted house. It's so well-lit though. I'm being chased by just like a, you're just such a coward, a ghost in their 70s. They really can't haunt late at night anymore because, you know, it's dark. They can't get home. Thank you, baby.

You take a left. I barfed in that bathroom one time. Yes, you did. I have too. A couple of barf boys. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now I'm in the office.

Now he's back. So, yeah, come to all that shit. Especially Rachel's. Oh, unflattering angle. Now we are gathered here not only to listen to me describe walking through my house, I suppose,

but mostly to fantasy draft wedding faux pas. Bad things to do at a wedding. Rachel, this was your idea. Do you want to walk us through the inception of this draft topic? Sure. I'm getting married in two months. Awesome.

I keep on having I don't know if you guys, are you all married, all of you? No, I mean no. Isaac, Isaac, Isaac cut that out. There he goes. Yeah, Ian and I are.

Sean and I are very happily married. Okay, okay. I don't know if this happened to you guys, but I am having nonstop nightmares about things going wrong on the day. I had one last night. It's like, you know, the dress isn't there. The food didn't show up.

I think that that's what happens as you get closer to. But these are all the things that I am worrying about. I'm sure the things that we are going to discuss today. So I just wanted to, you know, get it out of my system. Maybe some of my family will listen to this podcast and be like, oh, I was planning on doing that. I'm going to I'm going to pull it back now. Smart. Just something easy to send them just to be like haha this was so funny lol yeah you guys should take a listen yeah play it the entire time you fall asleep so it gets coded into your brain i was where i think i'm a little i was maybe a little more worried than ian perhaps just because i don't know i think maybe maybe i wasn't'm just playing. I wish either of you guys seemed all that nervous.

No. I was flipping out. Sean, I guess. Sean, you seemed weird the day of. Yeah, you were nervous. You don't want anything going wrong, but I will tell you. That's the thing. Nothing can go wrong.

I'm so excited. Yeah. I'm so excited. But there's just so many things that I would never even think about that I have to rent forks and knives like that's just not you know something that is in my world so my wife and I went to a wedding recently yeah where we found out through back channels that just the plates oh Isaac Isaac we have to I just got a text from my wife Isaac we have to

I just got a text from my wife saying we have to leave that out hold on one second here let's rewind it Sean can you make a note to tell Isaac I went I went to a wedding recently where I found out an amount of money that was spent

on the plates that boggled the mind can I say that we're all good where I found out an amount of money that was spent on the plates that boggled the mind. Can I say that? We're all good. I know what we have to do. I think we all need to move to Montana and we need to start a wedding business because the amount that these a-holes are asking for the craziest shit is,

we're just, It's stupid. I want to punch them in their face. I'm spending so much money on fold-up chairs and napkins. On fucking napkins. That's not love. I've always thought the wedding business looked like a sweet lick. That seems like a good scam. It does.

A great scam. A scam we need to get in on. I've always thought that. I never said that's how they get you more than I did when we were planning this wedding. I had to get up so many times and be like, that's how they get you. And I'd go outside. I'd check the mail. Money grab.

Waiting for a neighbor to come out and be like, you want to hear this? You want to hear how much the fucking, how much the invites are going to cost? A wedding planner. I mean, our wedding planner didn't do anything except try to bone one of our friends after the wedding. That's all she did. Oh, I do love that. I actually love that. That's so funny. I was just telling my girl about that. Yeah, I was just telling my girl about that last night

because I was going over my list. Yeah, that did happen. The wedding planner tried to get down. It was a group thing. It was a wedding planner and somebody else trying to get somebody else. And associates. Yeah.

Like a multi-player situation? A multi-player. There was a bottle of gold. There was some bait. There was a shoulder rub involved, some sidling. And then our friend was like, oh, and then it just dipped he realized what was going on he's like oh i'm gonna get out of here i need to start going to these weddings

this was several hours after the wedding though to be fair we were at a hampton inn at the time is that where is that what it was there's something like that i was sleeping i was sleeping safely in my uh hotel room yeah yeah. Anywho, we'll get into it. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. When we throw on shoot, here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, we gotta throw again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, we have to throw again! Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Oh, no way Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Oh, David wins A rock against two scissors That was intense

David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors It is incumbent upon you to determine The order of today's draft But before you do that, I will remind you of a serpentine draft And what is that? Great question Like a paper route, if you guys have heard of paper route. So you start, you know,

because it's both sides of the street for multiple blocks. So you just kind of, you go down one side, throw all the papers, cross the street, come back down to the other side, throw all the papers, cross the street, and go back down the other side. So tell all the papers are delivered and you get your $17 at the end of the week.

You save up for three weeks and you buy a Z Cavaricci shirt or a Jabot shirt or a cross-colored shirt to wear to carousel skate that Friday to impress Chaley Casey. And it never works. Chaley? And then she dates your friend instead. Who the hell would name their child Chaley?

Sounds like a side deal. So it was like Leah and Ryan I think were the other ones and then Chaley. I always wondered like, huh. I think it's a I think, were the other ones. And then Chaelene. I always wondered, like, huh. I think it's a cool name, but it's interesting. Yeah. He had to take a second. Can you tell Dana to tell me to cut this part out?

I feel like you're building a road to it. Yeah, Dana texts from down the hall. Chaelene was done dirty. Chaelene was done dirty. Chaelene was done dirty. Leah and Ryan? Can I spell it? Fine. Ryan? Yeah done dirty. Leah, can I spell it? Ryan? Can I try to spell it?

I ain't going to know how to do it, but you can try. This is in my head, because this is a very Elbert County type name. I'm going to guess it was C-H-E or C-H-A-E-L-E-I-G-H. Oh! I bet you that's it. I bet you that's it. You just made a bad thing worse. I know a lot of Chaley's, the girls in the graduation class.

Chaley adjacent. The names that they would give their kids would be Chaley's for sure. I think you can, if you name your kid Chaley, you're building a road to a destination now they can get off that road they can be capable of anything right right but it does feel like you're building a road to sort of someone who would be a nightmare for an employee of any store i was gonna say she definitely says like sarah when she's at starbucks

just put sarah yeah. Just call me Megan. And bless their hearts. I don't, whenever someone asks me how to spell Sean, I'm like, I'm not, if someone,

sorry that you have to deal with people that get upset over getting Sean spelled wrong. It's so frustrating. I'm like, you just spell it. You don't have to. It's S-E-H-O-N-N, right?

Yeah. It's S-H-A-W-N, like the Wayans. S-E-A-U-X-N. The H is presumed. It's five H at symbol V as a U and then slashes to make the N, right? Adam said it's like C-H-A-L-E-Y.

So he said it's pretty straightforward. Read down mainstream. Okay, at least they gave her a simple spelling. I thought they were going to hit her with the GH for sure. Well, David, with that in mind, all of that in mind, basically if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. And what will the order of today's draft be?

I'm mixing it up. I'm going me, Ian, Sean, Rachel. Whoa. Oh. We're going crazy. Double peg. Okay, well, all right, David, we're going to get to you first. I'm going to prepare myself emotionally, physically and spiritually to go second.

Something I do not like. I am so excited. I feel cold and wet. I feel scared. That has nothing to do with where you're going. My feet are sweating. Yeah. But that's the usual thing.

We got to take a break. Oh, what? Whoa. She's out there. Is that Facebook or Twitter? Whoa, Sean! She's out there! Is that Facebook or Twitter? What is that? She's wearing a sombrero. We're airing her out so hard. Sorry, Chaley, if it ever finds its way back to you.

It kind of looks like Chaley's got herself... This was your first love? Isaac, take this out. Or whatever. So she used to wear the biggest... She dressed like she was in TLC. Get this in, Isaac. This is good. Yeah, she dressed like she was in TLC. Get this in, Isaac. This is good. Yeah, she dressed like she was in TLC. And to this day, nothing has changed

as far as what I find appealing and that, I just watched a documentary on TLC the other day and I was like, man, they really got it. But yeah, she, yeah, holy cow, this is hilarious. She's doing great. Yeah, yeah, she's chilling. Anyone with a sombrero, it seems like they're doing well. It looks like she's doing great yeah yeah she's chilling anyone with a sombrero

seems like they're doing well looks like they're having a happy time shout out to Chaley Casey shout out to all the Chaley Casey's in the world come on all three of you all three shout out to every Chaley shout out to uh

I don't know Fret shout out to all those like 11 year olds named Beyonce right now. Oh, yeah. It's got to be a rough one. It's like they wanted to call her Charlie. And then maybe on the birth certificate, somebody just spelt it wrong and threw in an extra E instead of the R. That wouldn't be hard to. Or do you think it's like maybe it's like one of those the dad wanted a boy?

Oh, Charlie and Haley. I knew a kid like that. I knew a girl like that when I was a kid. Her name was, I think if I remember right, her name was, it was supposed to be Alan, but they call a land like a apostrophe. Yeah, I think that happens. I think we should just get to the point where we're putting letters on the front of regular names. Well, I think also, bro, just you had a girl.

It's fine. Yeah. You know what I mean? What's the most? Just give her a good name. What's the most like dude name you could give? Like if we were to name Maxine Hezekiah or something like what? What doesn't go both ways

yet Brian Brian Dirk Breon Dirk is a dude's name for sure I met girls named Michael so not Michael yeah no I think Michael can go both ways Levi and Michelle seem like dude's name Michelle

what's happening for sure a boy's can go both ways. Levi and Clint seem like dudes names. Levi is for sure a boy's name. I met a girl named Spike once. That was like her name. Spike. Did she give herself the name Spike or did? No, I think that that was her name. Like her legal name. God gave it to her. Brock. Brock is good.

There's not a lot. Chad. Chad is a dude's name. Chad's a tough hike for a guy these days if I hear Chad's coming over I'm bummed and I don't know anything I'm stoked if Chad's coming over

I got a good friend named Chad I don't know what I'm talking about Chad's gonna mix it up Chad's trying to reinvent himself I think that's the thing he has to reb Sorry, Chad. Chad's going to mix it up. Chad's trying to reinvent himself, I think. Yeah, that's the thing. He has to rebrand. It's like Karen's. Yeah. Now they got to be real cool. Chad has to follow the vibes. If a Chad tries to swim against the vibes, that's when you get bad news. Like an investment banker named

Chad? Terrible. A guy who owns a longboard skateboard shop named Chad? Probably a good hang. I'd call it a longboard skateboard shop. It's a longboard shop. It's specifically a longboard skateboard shop it's a longboard skateboard shop you poser you sound like it's sound like i'm not posing oh i'm not posing because i don't want anyone i don't i wouldn't have anyone believe that i'm a skateboard man yeah hanging chad what is it that was in the year 2000 political term yeah it's a political thing because of votes would get cast

by punching a hole in a thing. And they call the piece of paper that gets punched out a chad. So a hanging chad. The debate was whether or not to kill that. It was still hanging to the paper, though it had been punched. Oh, I thought it was a longboard thing. I thought you were talking about hanging 10 on a longboard. No, that's hanging chad, dude.

That's chad on a longboard skateboard. I was like, catch chad at the bowling alley about 11 Chad, dude. That's Chad on a longboard skateboard. That's what it's called. Catch Chad at the bowling alley about 11 p.m. That's a hanging Chad right there. Hanging Chad is when you flip-flop with a beer opener on the bottom, gets hooked on the lug nut on your longboard. Oh, bro. Then you go ass over tea kettle.

I forgot about those beer bars. Because it's like, bro, I don't want you to open my beer with your shoe. You're taking your shoe off to open it? I didn't want you to wear my beer with your shoe. You're taking your shoe off to open the... I didn't want you to wear sandals from Jump. Yeah. This is a double atrocious. Well, you know what? Maybe we'll talk about more of that kind of stuff

right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life.

With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything. But it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the

best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. You know, and they're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies.

They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy, get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their

service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing.

Just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app,

and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to. You got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with

your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. You know, Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key, conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself,

don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word for word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college,

which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy again get up to 60 off at babble.com slash all fantasy is spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply and we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed this is it podcast wise

if you've heard a podcast it it was us. You're welcome. Yeah. True crime. All of it. Dance. Dance? Dance pod? There must be some dance. Well, now there's podcasts for everything, so I'm sure there's dance podcasts. It's just shoes squeaking on the floor. No, I look like a fool.

It's just like recapping this week in dance they got hit with like a copyright thing on the music so now they can't play the music anymore just have to guess the song play those old nike commercials with people dribbling sounds like a fox shot david it's time for your first pick. In the wedding faux pas. Man, this is the first one that came to my mind when it came in. Being underdressed. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's my first pick. That was because I've been to so many weddings where there's just like one dude who was like, nah, man. Jeans and a tucked in T-shirt is cool.

And it's like not even. man, jeans and a tucked in T-shirt is cool. And it's like, not even, listen, I understand jeans, black denim maybe, but like, bro, you just look like such a fucking asshole. If you're underdressed at a wedding and everybody's dressed up, like show some respect to this union. You don't have a pair of khakis anywhere. You're wearing work boots. I've seen work boots at a wedding. Steel-toned shoes. Come on. I've seen it.

Oh, yeah. In a Morton building. Like, and it's like one of those things where it's like, nobody wants you to do that but you. You're being selfish when you do that. You know what the general tide of it is. You know, it's a way, you know, generally what we're doing. And you're like, no, I gotta, I gotta be

comfortable like a dickhead. Stop being the, it's cutting in front of traffic. It's like, hey, we're all waiting here. We're all participating in this. Why can't you just also participate in this? Dressing up is fun though, too. That's's why i'm like you don't like kind of dressing up a little bit it's and i'm not saying you don't have to go crazy i'm just saying don't like go so down because like don't prove a point right at ian's wedding i wore a suit and uh uh a tucked in polo shirt and then i wore sneakers yeah but they were brand new white air forcees you can do that but like when it's just like you're just wearing the clothes that you

if you're wearing an outfit you would have worn the day before at a wedding you're fucking up it just feels like you don't even want to be there yeah like you don't give a shit about anybody I've seen so much denim in my day as a Canadian at weddings a lot of denim but that's your tuxedo right I've seen so much denim in my day as a Canadian at weddings.

That's your, that's your tuxedo, right? Yeah, I guess you could say that, but the tuxedo has got to be top and bottom. It's usually just like a jort or, you know, full denim jeans.

A wedding is a magic trick. You know, the whole successful wedding is like a magic trick. And if you're, if everybody else is like dressed up kind of nice and you're the one person throwing that off, you're breaking the illusion. You're, you're, you're, you're taking something out of the magic trick. And it's like, just step up to the plate. Everyone's had the thought that boy, it would be nice to wear like, you know, sweatpants or whatever. The level, the level of pride that

somebody can take in not getting dressed up that's frustrating too where they're just like i did what i did what yeah i can say something about it i was at a wedding a couple years ago and this guy was dressed up poorly he was not dressed up and his girl was dressed up wonderfully so then it's like you super did it and then i'm looking there was this other guy at the wedding he got out last week dog he just got out and somehow he has clothes better than you for this wedding like you gotta come on man i don't know if you guys are on tiktok but i'm getting fed all of this like wedding content right now and there are some weddings so i am being fed i

also really like cringe content so i am just getting fed the craziest weddings where like the groom even is in sunglasses and like a camo t-shirt and the bride's coming down and who knows what i can't get enough of those also if that's the vibe of the whole shit that's not what i'm talking about yeah sure that's totally cool because you have a right to have your wedding be whatever it is. It's just more when you're going against the tide of what this whole thing is. It's like a dick move. I feel like. Yeah, you can have a real tree camo themed wedding.

Beautiful. Right. But that's got to be the vibe. That's got to be. We were. Don't be the person who wrecks it for everybody else. It was my buddy's wedding a while back. And granted, this is the reception.

So like you can you can change, I guess. So his dad, the father of the groom, showed up to the reception in a short... I used to have a bit about this. A short-sleeved Spider-Man 2 button-up shirt. And you're just like... It was so gnarly where I'm just like, Dan...

Sort of like he's trying to get bullied at junior high school. And he looked fine before that. He put that on. and I was like, bro, you just keep this. And it had to be Spider-Man 2. That was the bit where I'm like, what are you doing? You don't just like Spider-Man? It's just Spider-Man 2.

Is that Maguire still? Yeah, it was Tobes and I'm pretty sure that was the one with Alfred Molina doing Otto Octavius. I think that was Spider-Man 2. Shout out to Molina though, dude. I mean, I get it. He wasn't a Molina head though. I could handle that. I think he was a Spider-Man 2 head Shout out to Molina, though. I mean, I get it. He wasn't a Molina head, though. I could handle that. I think he was a Spider-Man 2 head. He wanted to let people know he was deep in the lore.

He's out there. He didn't come. This isn't day one shit for him, alright? He's at least 300 minutes deep. He came to play. He ain't trying to break the cycle. Being underdressed is great.

Yeah, man. Yeah, that's a great shit. With my first pick, I'm going to take a faux pas that I was guilty of once and never again. Don't be the drunkest guy at the wedding.

Oh, yeah. Brother, that was also on my list. I got to close it off. Yeah, me too. Don't... Get drunk. Have a great time. Go off.

Read the vibe of the wedding. Keep pace with that vibe. Don't be the. Have a great time. Go off. Read the vibe of the wedding. Keep in. Keep pace with that vibe. Don't be the drunkest person. Don't be a problem that other people have to deal with. You can be the drunkest person at the after party. Just don't be the drunkest person at the wedding. Wait at the risk at the.

It's not called an after party. It's called. No, no, no. No, I mean the after party. Oh, yeah. Post. No, no, no. I mean the after party. Oh, yeah. Post the ceremony, reception, and then there's that, you know. After Black Hammer, where the real ones go. We're keeping it going.

Oh, okay. Now I'm going to. People are going to get a blast off. We have banned shots at our wedding. There's no shots, which I think kind of gets rid of that problem. And then we also have a list. We have a list of people to keep an eye on. Are you ever going to tell them?

Really? You can't tell them. I mean, like 10 years from now, you're going to be like, you were on the list. I could have been on that list. I could see myself being on that list at Ian's wedding for sure. You are keeping a list of wedding invites who you think could become problematic. Problematic.

And who are you giving it to? The the bartender planner the planner actually asked us the planner actually asked us they're like do you want to have shots and both of us had like a big reaction like no no no shots at the wedding and then she was just like do you guys want us to kind of keep an eye on anybody and we're like we'll send you the pdf and we've given them like a list of people that how many names i think about six oh no six okay okay solid i didn't want it to just be one of them on my side i didn't want it just to be like joe pesci and casino like the one name in the book? No, no, no, no, no. I could see myself being on that list. And I think everyone will be fine. I think it'll be fine.

But it's just some people like to really send it at weddings and it can just get a little spicy. That's a wonderful idea. And I think your planner is getting their money's worth there. She's great, yeah. The time I got was the drunkest person at a wedding. I was also officiating at a wedding. I was also officiating that wedding. So I was fine. I didn't I didn't touch a drop all the way through my job.

And then I got off and I was like, oh, I need I need to make up for some lost time. And they had alcoholic popsicles at the wedding, something I had never encountered before. And I went and ate two of them and then had a couple drinks and then a glass of wine. And then when the popsicles hit, because it took them a while to hit, it was like, oh, no, I'm blacking out. And then I woke up in my hotel room the next morning with a note. Can you tell me whose wedding? Can you say or do you want to say? It was a note.

The note was just like, it was very nice. It was like, hey, man, you know, like we got you back to your hotel room. Great job last night. You were, you know, like I wasn't in embarrassment, except for the fact that like I had clearly started passing out somewhere. It was my friend Shayna's wedding. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nobody you know, I don't think. I know her. Yeah. I will say I went to a wedding one time, and we had a buddy who didn't make it through the wedding dinner. No. He made it through the actual service, but then the dinner, he did not make it through.

But we put sunglasses on him, and everybody started taking pictures with him. And it was a pretty. That was a weekend at Bernie's. Yeah. Yeah. It's Sam. It's Sam talent sweating.

Yeah. It was Sam talent. It was. Yeah, it was. He didn't make it. But yeah, that was pretty. That was. But he was also.

We all saw it come. Everybody knew that this. We all knew that that was going to happen. You'll you'll often see this dude on the dance floor dancing way too hard. Just so sweaty. So sweaty. Tie around the head. Tie around the head. My buddy Mikey was doing that at our wedding. That's a telltale sign. That's a telltale sign to get them a glass of water. Put them on the list. Get them a glass. My, uh, my uncle Steve. So when my aunt got married, I went to go, go she asked if I could get him a bottle of tequila so all of the bridesmaids could take a shot

like a cheeky little right before we go out a tiny reasonable shot and he got wind there was a bottle of tequila in the room and he and then nobody saw him for like a half hour and I found him passed out in his Mustang before the wedding even started he drank a whole bottle in his Mustang

he drank it in his bottle in his Mustang. He drank it in his car? In his old shitty Mustang. Like, not a dope Mustang. This isn't like a, this is like an old cashed out. Yes, those disgusting, it was silver and it looked like a cigarette and he was just in there sawing logs.

And I'm like, bro, the wedding didn't even start yet. You could have had that bottle. Nobody was going to fight you for it. I might've had a slug or two, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, it was fun. That being said, i've been to some drunk ass weddings that are pretty fun too true yeah it's it's like it's like the dressing up thing it's gotta be that's the

tone we have an after party we have like we have a noise ordinance in our area so our like wedding reception only goes until 10 p.m and then we rented out this like biker bar that's just going to be only us i don't know if people are going to listen to this podcast but when everyone arrives mcdonald's everywhere we work a whack of mcdonald's to get delivered and then this place is open until like 1 a.m from 10 to 1 get wild that's totally yeah i want to be sweaty. I want to be dancing with a cheeseburger in my hand. It's gonna be great. I don't care if people are wasted at that. Playing cheeseburgers like castanets on the dance floor.

That's what all the weird hookups are going to set in motion. Yes. I love watching that shit from a distance. I'll definitely stay out of names. But like watching that happen at a wedding where you're just like go on and get it you two

go ahead and sign the papers or any wedding like it just it happens where you see it you see it going down and I'm like man I hope that goes down I'm talking about your wedding yeah it happened yeah it happened at your wedding it happened at my wedding it happens at every wedding it's what's beautiful about weddings I also feel like

there's a couple of people in our wedding party who are single that we're like hoping That's what I'm saying. It's in the air baby. It's in the air. Day after maybe not always so great. That's alright. That's what the brunch is for. Shake it off. Yeah, that is what the

brunch is for. We'll be sitting at separate tables. It's also for other people saying like, did you see they left together, right? Or other people being like, I didn't see you at the end of the party. That is fun.

The morning after is always great. So get drunk. Just maybe don't be the drunkest. Sean? It probably wasn't going to go first by anyone. I could probably get it later. But it always has been my least favorite. My biggest faux pas to a wedding is when it's... And I'm not just taking anyone on the mic because there's a ton of different things you can take.

When somebody gets on the mic to toast or whatever, when it's an open toast, and they only make it about one of the people. Now, I understand sometimes it's a given where you're like, okay, the bride has three friends. The groom has three friends that will toast. A lot of times, especially back home in South Dakota, there'd be like an open mic so anyone can get up and it would just be like 15 dudes and they would get up and they'd tell some story about the groom and they wouldn't even acknowledge the bride. And it boils my blood. i'm just like what evocative language i hate it dude i hate it it's so disrespectful and it it's always the guys it honestly if it was if it was uh well whatever it's always in my world i've seen some ladies do

it you remember that ian was trying to you know stick up for the guys being assholes here just everybody remember that no i just it just feels so disrespectful to me so i just wish people could get up and give a short sweet like oh i'm happy for you guys maybe share an anecdote about the both of them together how they met the bride at least but they just get up and they say some long-winded shitty story about just the dude and it's disrespectful to me so this pic this this pic specifically is people who make the speech about just one person. Yes. Yes. And I know

there's a lot of picks on the mic. A lot of speech-based picks. We'll get to those for sure. But for me, it's just that. It's just... Can I say multiple? It's multiple people making a one-sided speech. That's what I'm saying.

I just think it's so nice when somebody takes the time to, like, it's just very obvious when you only know one side of the party. And I just feel like it's more thoughtful when it's just like, when we met her, you know, we're friends with this guy. But when we met her, we could tell that he was just like a simple mention. You don't have to go all in, but it's like. So easy. So easy to be like,

we could tell how happy he was the second he would talk about you, you know, and like, I can't wait to spend the rest of, you know, now you've become my friend and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life

getting to know you better. Like that kind of thing. I'm always crying. That was sweet. It is actually really nice. How hard was that? I forget. And I forget that not everyone speaks

into a microphone for a living. I try to think of that as much as I can. Of course they're nervous. I get it. I speak into two microphones for a living, bro. Visual gag on the audio medium. I hold two microphones again. You can't keep a good man down. It'd be funnier if there was another.

Anyway. Just that. Four microphones. Four microphones. Four microphones. That's a great pick, Sean Jordan. Thanks, buddy. Rachel Bonetta, it's time for your first and second pick. Yeah, rip them open.

Okay, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Okay, my first pick is when the bride and the groom have their first kiss. the bride and the groom have their first kiss. And it's a tonguey, nasty ass, long kiss. We don't need to see any of that. We know you're in love. You're getting married. I do not need to see your little lizard tongue poking out of your mouth and going into hers. It's always the dude. It's always the dude.'s always the dude i just went to a wedding within the last year okay i won't specify he went back in multiple times no to the point that she retreated there was a retreat that happened that sucks i do love a deep kiss that sucks though oh a deep kiss is it necessary i don't i don't mind the one time

i like pda i'm like all right yeah go great but going back in is crazy i'm not saying a grope but i don't know that would blow my mind i might have to tackle the dude if he groped and a tonguey saliva, saliva-y kiss. They're not necessarily the same thing. That's true. I think to me it's based on head movement. I don't want to see an erotic kiss. I don't want to see like a...

I don't want to see a wet kiss. It's got to be a dry locked in. It could be for a delayed amount of time. That's fine. But as soon as there's contact from inside, I'm in. It could be for a delayed amount of time. That's fine. But as soon as there's contact from inside, I'm out. Once it starts to resemble a horse eating an apple. Closed mouth is what you're saying?

Closed mouth. Closed mouth peck. It can be for a long amount of time. But as soon as there's tongue involved, I want to get up and leave. I want to get up and leave. I think a gentle part, a gentle part of the lips,

you know,'s okay with me It's not my pick I don't want it to look like Like a mid 90's Sexual harassment movie You know like in the 90's They had those folded tongue kisses I'm thinking of the movie Disclosure

I thought you were talking about cruel intentions Well there's movies in the 90s where they have graphic where you can see the tongue folding almost where they're jamming it into the other person's mouth. And that, it's just so off-putting to me. Maybe this is a me thing because I don't even like watching kissing

on television. The sound, like, I just don't like it. I don't like the wet sounds. I don't mind it. I want, if it's i don't mind it i want if it's gonna be a tongue kiss i almost want to dip down do it away from us and then bring it back up i love it you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying because then it's like this is between us but everybody between us now we're up we're husband and wife let's eat that mcdonald's and also they've had time to practice.

And that's the thing too, where you're like, so either you both decided this was going to be your gnarly kiss or the dude just made an executive decision, which that happens a lot. It's a crazy move. I think it's always a gag. I think it's always a gag. The wife is like, I don't want a tonguey kiss.

And then he's just like, okay, yeah, sure. I'll do that. And then it's always a tonguey kiss. No tongue. No tongue in that kiss. your dad that's the best my dad's going off yeah i remember that i'm holding up for the listeners i'm holding up a picture of my kiss with uh my wife at the wedding and my dad looks like uh andy reed he looks like andy reed after like patrick mahomes just threw a touchdown for For sure. Double fist. That's a great picture.

He's pretty stoked. Thank you. What a nice, a decent, my grandmother was there and we kept that in mind, sort of kiss. Right. You don't want your parents to see you tonguing down. I get that too. Yeah. No tonguing down on the first kiss.

No tonguing down. Great first pick. And your second pick, Rachel. Okay. My second pick, I my second pick I'm gonna go back to the speech category I think it's a major faux pas when somebody goes up to give a speech that was not asked to give a speech that was on my list like a hit of the glass and and kiss and and just saying like congratulations that's different I mean fully pulling up to the

mic grabbing it and talking for over 10 seconds and And I have a story to go with this. My cousin got married, okay? Let's call her Sarah. And we grew up, we had this cottage on a lake. And it sounds fancy. There was also a sauna in it, but the sauna was made out of tinfoil. It was like a shack.

It wasn't fancy at all. But my whole family like shared this cottage. So everyone would go up. Sarah had her bachelorette party at this cottage with all of her girlfriends. My Uncle Bill comes up at this wedding, not asked to give a speech, grabs the mic, and starts telling this story about how one weekend he went up to the cottage and heard some giggling happening from below in the sauna. And when he went down, he saw that all of the girls were in the sauna. And he said, Sarah, just want to say they were spectacular.

He saw her bare boobies and told the entire wedding. That's crazy. Can you even imagine? All of his daughters were there. They started bawling their eyes out. They ran to the bathroom and all were crying together. Is that not the greatest thing you've ever heard? That was a speech.

I just, all the daughters erupting in tears. That's where it's like, oh no, Bill. So wait, who's, wait, it was an uncle. So it was the uncle was talking about his niece's boobs? No, it was my uncle talking about my cousin. Your cousin. Let's call him Matt. That's my cousin.

She was marrying this girl named Sarah. Sarah was marrying into the family. Oh God. This is our uncle who's commenting on her big old. Oh, God. This is our uncle who's commenting on her big old. Oh, my God. What goes through someone's mind?

Nothing. I don't know. I don't even think he was drunk. I just think that this is an insane choice that he made. When you make the decision

to do that, and I know the answer. That's insane. I know the answer is they didn't think about it but what did they think the next half hour of their life was going to be like like people would be coming up like that they do look like they would be yeah hey you're right those are rocking yeah like sick man i'm glad somebody mentioned it. Yeah, somebody had to say it. It was shocking, you guys.

It was shocking. That is shocking. Oh, my God. It's bad, even if the speech is nice, which it almost never is. But, like, I think maybe people don't know this, that, you know, you work with your planner or with your partner or whoever on, like, how many speeches you want to have and where and when. partner whoever on like how many speeches you you want to have and where and when because they can really you know when you're throwing a wedding you're throwing a party for you know anywhere between 20 and 300 people i guess whatever but you're throwing a party for those people so you want to keep the that idea in mind that you're throwing a party you want it to flow and have

like good energy to it and yeah if if somebody goes up uninvited and gives a speech and you had a tough conversation with your brother saying like heyvited and gives a speech and you had a tough conversation with your brother saying like hey you can't give a speech because we're only doing like exactly two people at each things and then they run up and like now they're hurting people's feelings and they're throwing off the flow of the entire thing in the first place yeah i've seen it i've seen it disrupt and it's just like if you're doing a spur of the moment speech, you're probably drunk. Yeah. I think he had this one in his back pocket.

I think all day. I mean, ever since that day, he didn't tell anybody. He's like, I'm bringing this up at the wedding. Disgusting. Whoa, my God. Yeah, that's that's insane. That is insane. I don't know how you'd up, how you move around the reception when you said that shit.

What are you doing? You just standing in the corner with a bow and arrow or something. I don't know. I just can't even picture this dude. Some men just want to watch the world burn. A phenomenal pick and a warning for everyone. Don't comment on any. Also just don't comment on anyone's breasts during a wedding.

Not the time. Maybe ever. Ever is another great guidepost for that. Don't comment on any. Also, just don't comment on anyone's breasts during a wedding. Not the time. Maybe ever. Ever is another great guidepost for that. Keep it on like the eyebrows or something. You know, if you want to give a comment. Don't say you saw anyone in the tinfoil sauna, I think is the move. No.

In the tinfoil sauna would be a great follow up book for you. That's another. Oh, after. What was the name of the first book? The Lights Are... You Can See All The Stars in Bozeman? Bozeman, yeah. I'm ready for these books.

Sean Jordan, I'm ready for your second pick. I just forgot it. All right. I'm kind of torn here. This is another one that I hope it's not... I hope I don't sound bratty,

but don't text the bride or groom specific questions on the day of the wedding there's there's and there's because everyone thinks they're in that fold it's it's like that thing when you're getting bar clothes or whatever when the bartenders they'd be all right everyone's got to go and then there's always someone like not me but i mean yeah mean, yeah, everybody, but not me. I can stick around. Yeah. That's the thing where you're like, just assume you're one of the people who doesn't need to directly contact the bride or groom during the day of the wedding.

Your parent is about it. That's about my mom specifically. It was like the only person because of physical limitations. That was honestly it. Everyone else, I'm like, save it, dude. Just don't. Find it on the invite. Anything you need to know is on the invite.

And if it's not on there, ask me tomorrow. That's a good one. That's a great pack. Because you feel bad. You're already stressed. Thank you. You're already stressed and you feel bad. And then you want to respond to everybody. You just feel like a prick. And then before you know it, there's 20 in there and you're like, you haven't done your

hair yet. I don't know. It's such a stressful environment to be in. Like, like as the bride and groom. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just with you. That's just a great pick.

I'm just like feeling it viscerally again. Yeah. You're like, don't, don't give me a fucking fire to put out. Come on, man. Like figure it out. Hey, where do I park? I don't fucking know a fucking fire to put out. Come on, man. Like figure it out. Hey, where do I park? I don't fucking know. Now I'm getting mad.

Ask someone else going to the wedding. I got mad thinking that was the one I got. Cause everyone's like, where do we park? And I'm like, if I'll tell you, here's what I'll tell you. If I was at your wedding,

I would figure out where to park. I guarantee it. Guarantee it. I wouldn't ask you where, where to park. I just, all right, I got to go. I'm hot all right, I got to go.

I'm hot now. I feel that way about every kind of big event that kind of gets under my skin. Anytime there's like a bit, if you have like a big, like, David, you're doing your taping or have done your taping last weekend, right? Yeah. This comes out. But like having people put things on your plate for that day. And you're just like, come on.

This is not about you. It's not about you. Come enjoy, get in there. But it's like, you can't, you can't put more things on people's mind. Most likely, you know,

people just don't think they just send their texts and they don't even think about it. And adults, it's like, you're a grown up, man. Don't you know, if you're relying on me for that information on this day, whatever the event might be, it's like, what are you? How are you moving through life?

You got to got to be able to figure some stuff out. You know, it's basic. Rachel, it's just like you just said. A lot of these people just aren't thinking. It's just you just aren't thinking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And if you're listening and you're not thinking, fuck you. You know what I'm thinking? I like Sean's mean turn, dude. This is great. Yeah. He just got heated with that pick.

Yeah. Trying to get it all out before the anniversary dinner. It's going to smell like seafood in there. Boiling. In that seafood restaurant. Trying to eat my burger over here. All right. That's a good pick. Time for my second pick.

I hope this is... So this is a little bit on the people getting married and on the people giving speeches. So this is going to go back to the speech thing. It's don't talk for too long. Yeah. Do not talk for too long. Yeah. Do not talk for too long. There is a

sweet spot. You should talk for about 90 seconds. There we go. If you're the mother, if you're a parent, I think you can get a little bit longer. I think you can give it up to three, four minutes. I think you don't really think five is

a good talk. I'll give you know what I think happens? Five is, you think, you got good talkers though. I wish it was tight. None of them are tight. That's the thing. None of them are tight. That's what I was going to say. You get the feeling like I'm thinking of one of my friend's weddings. His best man must've done 12.

But you could tell he was, he was just nervous and he doesn't do public speaking. was he was just nervous and he doesn't do public speaking so it was just not it was just it was just he didn't have it planned out well my wife and i gave people we said here's how long you get to talk for or like this is the time slot i haven't look at me look at me i mean you couldn't tell ivan anything but uh but he did a great he kept it pretty short he roasted our friend shane Look at me. I mean, you couldn't tell Ivan anything. But he did a great job. He kept it pretty short. He roasted our friend Shane during the speech. It was phenomenal. It was 10 out of 10, Dad.

He did great. But we told people, we're like, hey, you know, like Dana's siblings all spoke together. My siblings all spoke together. And we like gave them like, hey, it's we've got slotted for you like three minutes. But for all of you, you know, like that was great. That was nice. And it keeps things moving. hey, we've got slotted for you like three minutes, but for all of you, you know, like that kind of thing. That was nice. And it keeps things moving.

You can all, like the people who are the most important to you, you can be taken aside and have those moments with them one-on-one. But a wedding can really lose momentum. It can lose the energy. You can lose that thing that makes it feel really special. If people are talking for way too long, if all of a sudden everybody's sitting down and the speeches are going for 45 minutes between all of them,

it's like mass at that point. It's also because the speeches are like right before the dancing. So there's always that, like, everybody's like, this is great, but like, I'm trying to,

you know what I mean? Flow is so important. And I also think it's vital to have speeches going on while people are eating, not like speeches and then you eat because it's just way too much time to stop down. We have tried to plan our speeches really well. And we've got, we've actually got two headliners that are going to close before we get back. So Megan Gailey and Sarah Tiana, I don't know if Sarah has been on this podcast but Megan I think has been on this podcast you know both of them they're gonna do a duo speech

they're gonna be the last ones to speak of the night but also they both just wrote on the roast of Tom Brady and my fiance and I went and like halfway through we were like did we make a really large mistake by asking them to speak in our way we I mean, you didn't ask

Edelman to come, right? We're going to get destroyed. Have them roast you. But we're hoping they're going to close strong and then we're going to be off to the races at the dance floor. Yeah.

I feel like they'll hit the exact right notes, those two. They'll be great, yeah. Yeah, Megan's one of the better people I've ever met at a party. Oh, my God. She seriously gets it. She's so good at a party.

They're both great hangs. But yeah, keep those speeches. Keep them tight. Keep them tight. Tight. So, if you're throwing a wedding, talk to the people giving speeches. If you're giving a speech, keep it in mind. David, time for your

second and third picks. Second pick, and maybe this doesn't happen everywhere but i've seen it a few times and it's got to be we're all having a good time we all love dancing there's a level of nasty that you can't get on the dance floor at the wedding does that make sense like dancing too nasty at the wedding is always like yeah like it happened i'm thinking of a specific wedding where it was like you know one of the people was a dancer by trade you take that as you will and it's just like the grandmas are down here like you're good you know what i mean and like i'm not saying don't

back it up there should be back it up back it up all that shit but it was like it was to the point where everybody's like whoa you you guys are fucking yeah like you know what i mean like there's like there is like some still where it's like, it's still mixed company. There's kids on the dance floor. I'm not saying don't back it up. Have a sexual time, but like, don't. It doesn't have to be. Why is there always one older woman that just wants to throw down and get sexy with it on the dance floor? Come on, throw it in a circle and you're like, he's picks one of the younger guys that she just latches onto for the

evening that happens at every wedding. And it's always my brother that they pick. I mean, it sounds like a cool guy. He is a cool guy, but it'd be tough to say no. If you're the guy, I'd be like,

this is pretty rad. I don't know. I'm not, you know, like holding a drink and then pointing like the hold a drink point like the guy always in the leopard always in the leopard or the cheetah yeah that's happened to me a lot of times at wedding was where i'm just like standing in a corner or something and somebody's like and you're like i't really, you know what I mean? The come hither. The rope. Yeah, don't get me. Yeah, and you're like, I don't even.

All right. But yeah, I just, there is like a level where it's like a little too, because I don't, it should be fun and vaguely sexual, but there is a level where it's like, you know what I mean? If we're just straight up humping someone wore a veil earlier tonight don't do this you know what it is if you're not

dancing front to front on a slow song probably a bad call yeah does that make sense yeah like yeah you can't go butts to nuts on a slow song because then it's like okay this is it's like, okay, this is... It's like Jason's lyric. That's what you'd be doing.

Somebody's grabbing a handful of something they shouldn't be grabbing a handful of. Leave room for Jesus. No, I mean, but I do want to say it's fun to grind. I'm not a no grind man. It's just a little, sometimes it gets a little too

deep. So that's that pick yeah i see and this one is while hilarious always such a mood killer and it's weird that i even have to say this but i've seen it at several weddings don't fist fight dude Dude, I was... I knew you were going to say that. It's like the craziest shit where you're like, bro, what are you doing? I have never seen this at a wedding.

I've seen it a few times. I've heard of it happening, but I've never seen it. I think it's just tempers get hot and then like, especially if like it's people from Elizabeth. Everybody's fucked everybody. That's Sioux Falls, baby. I've seen an ex fight the new friend.

I've seen uncles fight. And it's like, I think it's also with the wedding. There's like, I was at another wedding where it was like this. There was a guy and his dad. And the guy was like, if my dad comes, I'm swinging on him. No question. I don't give a. Like, so it's like, I think it's a lot of times where it's like a wedding.

If there's a major beef, you know, it's coming. They know each other coming for like six months before. You know what I mean? So I think it's just tensions get really raised. Yeah. Like builds up. Yeah. And people are like like people are ready for it and it's just like it all and it's i've never seen it done like at the wedding or like it but in the parking lot uh-huh before and it's just it's because that

runs through the whole wedding it happens and then whoever saw it outside comes and says it inside and now there's like dudes on each side who are getting like you know what i mean like that type shit it's just like it's just such a mood killer man a little drama at a wedding is always fun because there's always gonna be some drama but that is just takes it over the edge and then it gets dark it's just it's it's just not the place for it. You got to have almost a rehearsal. You got to have a rehearsal fight. You know,

you got to have a two rehearsal dinners, one for the happy people and one for the people who are going to fight. And they go there and they just work. I just have a little steamer. I got the wedding the next night. I got it. I've seen it with women as much as men, by the way,

which is the funny. Wow. See, yeah, I, I knew that if i went to this wedding it might go down because it was the best friend of my ex who was going to be there with her new dude and i got all i got all hammered now and i'm like you know what i'm going and if it happens

and i went and then i removed myself so i was there for maybe five minutes maybe and i saw exactly what i thought i was gonna see and i was I was like, come on, dude, what are you get, get out of here. And also I, what am I a tough guy? So that's the whole thing. I was like, just get out of here and go. I think that's exactly what, I think you explained it perfectly though. That's what it is. It's like, at first you're not going to, you're like, no, I'm going.

Yeah. What am I? This is my, this is my city too. Have you guys all been in a fist fight? Is this a thing that you've done? At a wedding? Never. Not at a wedding.

But in general in life? Oh yeah, in life. Yeah. I've been in a fist fight? Is this a thing that you've done? Not at a wedding. But in general in life? Oh yeah, in life. I haven't been in a fist fight. Good lord, no me neither. I'd be scared. I'd start to cry. I kick. I cried on a few of them. One of them I was just like, fuck you, fuck you. And I was crying.

All the school fights were that. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you I hate you but yeah no fighting at a wedding it's just always it's always not I hate you I hate you uh for my third pick

this is one for people putting on a wedding which is don't give me an unconquerable assignment oh so this is like i already came to jamaica yeah right like this is okay it's in like it's in jamaica and it's on a sunday it's like that kind of thing or it's you know like yeah you have to travel it's three flights and there's no hotel. And like you have to and it's on a Sunday. It's usually a mix of I will travel.

I will do a wedding on a Sunday. I can't travel and do a wedding on a Sunday. Don't give me both of those things. You're making it too hard. Fair. I think that's really reasonable. Yeah, I haven't. I haven't really encountered.

I haven't really had any friends that were capable of doing anything that dope so yeah i've been the one destination wedding where basically nobody came and even i wasn't gonna come because i just didn't have the dough and it became my friend was like bro nobody's ever you know what he was like you god yeah you know what i mean and it's like well then why'd you get married in mexico yeah we're 24 that's what i'll go now like now that things are okay and finance whatever like now it's like sure but yeah you get 25 year old like i can barely get ramen you're asking me to get legal id to even leave this motherfucker. It's already crazy. Do it here.

Have people there. Or go the two of you off and get married. We're not from Mexico. It can be amazing if people can swing it. And like, you know, you guys had to fly to LA to come to my wedding. And it was on a Sunday, but it was the

Monday was Labor Day. So it's like you don't have to get work off. That was great. Also, a lot of people late Monday was Labor Day. So it's like you don't have to get work off, you know? Yeah. Also, a lot of people like to come to California like it. Right. That's a vacation. It's a major airport. I come to L.A. every couple of months anyway.

Like that was not same with Sean's. OK, yeah, I'll fly to Portland. Who cares? Yeah. And it was you did have to. And I because mine, you had to drive an hour to so that felt bad asking that I was like we're getting married in the boonies of Portland so people got to come here and get a way out to this spot

we were all at the Hampton and we just drove from the Hamptonese no shade on a destination wedding that's fine like I'm stoked I've never actually been to one I think I don't know yeah I don't think I've ever been to like a destination wedding I'd love to some shade on a destination wedding I was going love to. Some shade on a destination wedding.

I was going to say a little shade on a destination. Some shade on a destination wedding. A little shade on a destination wedding. Yeah, a little bit. Go on your honeymoon. If you want to get married in Jamaica, just go to Jamaica on your honeymoon.

Get married somewhere normal that everyone can come to. You're making a decision about what my vacation gets to be. I got to buy a $700, $700 ticket to your wedding? Did you say Jamaican a decision? I didn't say Jamaican a decision. Did you say that? I thought you said Jamaican a decision.

I should have said I did. Can we take that again and pretend like we did? Yeah, go ahead. Did you say Jamaican a decision? Yes, I did say that. All right. Great one. And I said it shortly thereafter. We both said it. We thought of it independently. I also feel like, you know, you can say like, we're doing a destination wedding. You don't have to come.

So many people feel inclined to come. Like if they're your parents or your immediate family, they're going to have to come. Your bridesmaids, they're going to have to come. So it's just selfish. A lot about weddings is really selfish and it makes me so uncomfortable.

Like I was this close to not even having a bachelorette because what's the point? You're spending so much money. It's so stupid. But it's a fun party. Yes, and that's ultimately why. That's what makes us people.

Tradition and these fun things and yeah, just spend too much money. I had the most fun in Las Vegas on Ian's bachelor party. It was dank. I bought a suite for no fucking reason. We hung out in Ian's suite the whole time. Yeah.

You know what? I'm going to get a big room at the Bellagio to myself for no reason. Just to cool off, baby. It was cool. Yeah. What was your bachelorette party, Rachel? I haven't gone.

Mine's in a month. I go to Palm Springs. Oh, that's great. That'll be fantastic. The Parker, what are you guys posting up? What's the deal? No, we got this like crazy house. Got this crazy Airbnb.

And my fiance also did Palm Springs and he just got back yesterday. So he's hungover and sunburned. He got back on Sunday and yesterday was Monday and he stayed in bed until 4pm. I was like, you know what? Good job. This is a sign of a good time.

Gotta do it. Gotta do it. Sean, your third pick. Real simple one. RSVP. Just do it. Just RSVP. Oh yeah. It's so simple and I

probably until your wedding, Ian, I never used RSVP. Oh yeah. I mean, it's, it's so simple. And I probably until your wedding, Ian, I never used the RSVP and I did this, I did this in the last, it easily the last 10 years, I just texted my buddies and be like, yeah, I'll be there. Oh, I would, if people did that to me, I'd be like, well, now you can't come. Now you just can't leave. You're not, you're no longer invited to the wedding. Yes. To think back on doing that makes me turtle up and I feel so small and such a hassle. But yeah, just RSVP. I still have, I got a wedding

on the fridge right now that I still have an RSVP to and I gotta do. This is your reminder. Eating my humble pie over here. Yeah. We have to send out those texts tomorrow being like, are you coming? See, and that's so. And you shouldn't have to do that. It's such a bummer. It's such an easy thing. Because also, I don't...

Unless... Until you've planned a wedding, you don't realize how much it does. It does matter. If 30 people don't RSVP, that's like 30 dinners. That's probably two grand right there that you can save. Just knowing. Everybody gets it. RSVP.

Good pick. Good pick. Thank you. Rachel, time for your third and fourth picks. Oh, is it my turn? Yeah. Oh, she has her food. This is... I don't want to upset anyone by taking this pick, but

I really don't like a choreographed dance. Oh, okay. Did you go to Sioux Falls, South Dakota and watch a bunch of weddings? You're picking weddings out of Sioux Falls. And I don't necessarily mean the first dance is a little choreographed. I think that that is fine because I think that sometimes guys don't know what they're doing and they need a little, you know, one, two, three kind of step situation. I'm talking full presentation, full choreographed song. It never looks cool.

I hate to break it to you. You don't look good doing it. It's embarrassing. I am sitting in my chair so small, just shrinking for you. You don't want to see the bridesmaids dance to push it. Oh my god. The song is never good. Even

incredible dancers. I see these videos go viral of these people who dance for a living. I think it's still embarrassing. I don't like it at all. It's not the move. I think it's cute. The first dance, when it's clear the move you want to like i i think it's cute the the first dance when it's

clear they've taken like arthur murray ballroom dancing lessons where you're like oh and then they have a little dip that they're very proud of like that's fine that's very sweet i mean no not at all yours the like this is being done to watch later rather than to be in the moment now exactly the bridesmaids are involved the groommen. Maybe somebody is getting surprised by this dance. I can guarantee they don't like the surprise. They're like, I wish this wasn't happening right now. A hundred percent. Leave it on Broadway, kids.

Yeah, just like, oh, she slapped the groom and then he almost fell down and then he did a twirl and he spins back up and now they're dancing and now they're like, she's backing up. It's just been- Take some improv lessons. You know what I mean?

Explore some other areas of your life to be creative or stop taking improv lessons. Have a real moment. Dance bad. You know, just have a, whatever.

I'd rather see a choreographed dance than an improv game though. At a wedding? Jesus. I'm going to need a person to play some things. Sloppy kiss, choreographed dance shirt off go awful uh that's an excellent pick those are those are uh could be could be harsh words but

harsh words that people do need to hear they do need to hear it yes um and then my next pick is is don't have farty foods for your wedding. This is great. Don't have weird foods. I went to a wedding again in the last year and people were literally walking around saying, does anyone have Tums? And then that person would respond, no, but if you find some,

can you please give it to me also? Everyone had a stomach ache. Everyone was tooting on the dance floor. It was a nightmare. What did they have, a big old pot of gumbo? What was the cheese curds? I can't say in case they're listening. Oh no, come on.

Type it in the chat. But I'll let you know it was very tooty. Okay. I have to know, because usually it's pretty plain foods. I think the ridiculous foods can make their very first appearance in the late night snack round. Oh, dude. Okay.

Yeah. Just blowing up on the dance floor. It sounds like a great night, but maybe not the perfect thing for a wedding. When we first saw it, we were like, sick. This is going to rule. And then jump around comes on. You're like, oh, no, I thing for a wedding. Oh, when we first saw it, we were like, sick, this is gonna rule. And then jump around comes on, you're like, ooh, no, I pooped a little. Can't do that.

Some accidents went down, for sure. Not from me, but... Yeah, think about the flow of the evening when it comes to food. You know what I mean? Have some grilled cheese sandwiches or some mini milkshakes come out late night snack round.

Are you guys doing a late night snack round at yours? Yeah, we do at McDonald's. Oh God, that's right. That's right. Yeah, that's great. I had a, I had a dance. I just want three nuggets. Yeah, right?

I had a dance at it one time. Dance, dance accident, dance accident. Did you shit your pants on the dance floor? A little bit. No. And we were, we were way far away from any other options. So I just had to go put a band-aid on it basically and then

say what you mean there over the hole? I had to clean it up that's not going to stop it from happening again yeah it was intense and then I just had to function like it didn't happen for another hour until we took buses back to Jesus did you dispose of your undergarments somewhere?

no I didn't. No, you kept them on? I made the choice. Yeah, I made the choice to keep them on just because if it was a situation where if someone finds them, they're going to suss it out pretty quick. Who doesn't have underwear on? And so I was like, what's worse? Are they going to suss that out? I think it was small enough to where they would

have. And I also think I might have been on that list. Would they have lined you guys up? I might have been on one of those lists that people are like, if there's underwear in there, it's Sean or four other people. The shit that pants list? Is that a list that people keep doing? Well, surprisingly enough,

it's the same as the drunk list. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's all the same list. I feel like guys are like way more okay with shitting their pants than women are. I dated a guy once. Okay is a stretch. Hold on.

Let me tell the story. One time was on the bus, nothing I could do, and that time was on the bus. Nothing I could do. And that time was on the bus. I was dating a guy once and we were on our way to a party and he shit his pants in my car. He was excited for the party. And he told me about this. And I went into like overdrive and I was like, oh my God, don't worry.

Like we'll turn around. We'll go back home. We'll get you checked. Like we don't even have to talk about it. Like it's all good. Like don't worry about it. And he was like, no, we can still go still go and i was like what are you talking about what do you mean he's like i'll just handle it when i get there oh what and i think he just took

them off and threw them out in their trash can in the bathroom and i was like that's you gotta end that relationship look at it now i dated them for a very long time now you're getting married you're getting married in two months. It's not who I'm marrying, ultimately. But just a wild turn of events. And I was like, wow, you guys are just kind of okay with this. So much so that you would continue to dance. I think that we do live in a world where we're never as far from diarrhea as we should be. I do think that.

It's always closer than you think. It's always right around the corner. It's knocking on the door, baby. I would say that is part of being a grown man for sure. Yeah, it's there. The specter of diarrhea follows you everywhere. Blooms heavy. Like death's icy hand on your shoulder.

Sean Jordan, before we get to your fourth pick, we're going to take another short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could.

Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. You know, there's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. They're products. They're backed by science and dosed to a precise

amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days. And you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this.

You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code ALLFANTASY at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines,

some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like you can't. I got buddies. They can't skip, you know, leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that, like those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And like, I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables

like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time. Get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself. You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting,

go on and get better help a try. Give it a shot. It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things that are extremely important. It's all online. It's convenient, flexible. They suit to your schedule.

Go on and fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for zero additional charge. They got your back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash all fantasy. Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything already in progress. It is time for Sean Jordan to make his fourth pick. Keep your phone in your pocket. You know, keep it in your pocket.

That's on my list too. Everyone, especially now. And I feel like now in the last, ah, whatever. I'm not a cultured individual. Five years.

People have been very clear about, Hey, we have a photographer. That's why. So you don't need to take the photos. And they still, and yet they still do it. I just went to a wedding two weeks ago where they asked the person running the wedding very nicely, asked everyone to do that.

And still somebody like pulled their phone out. Well, I couldn't help it. Like stop. And I'm, I'm really just talking ceremony. Honestly, I don't, reception, I'm only talking ceremony. It's like reception.

You want videos, you know, everyone's cutting a bit. Like people still will get their shit out at the, at the ceremony. And it's like, dog sickos just keep. And also it's like you,

most of you, unless you're David's boys with the jeans and like the jerseys on you, you're wearing like pockets that are hard to get your phone out of. It's hard to get your phone out of a suit pocket. leave it in there well i mean i put my shit in the interior i was gonna say you know it looks terrible it's like a tight tight like nice dress pant and you can see the phone right next to my can of talk about a faux pas yeah yeah so just leave it in the pocket bro you know that uh it you know, they got a photographer for a reason. You spend way too much money on a photographer for a reason.

And that's it. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a great one. Am I up? No, it's me. It's Ian Carmel.

It's Ian Carmel. Okay. This is one for the officiant. Been there. About to be there again. It's not don't blubber crying, is it? Because then I've failed. No, no, no.

It's for the officiant. Don't make it about you. Yes. 100%. Yes. One hundred. You can sprinkle in a little comedy. You can get some laughs.

You can sprinkle in a little sweetness. But this is not. This is not even get the improv. You can sprinkle in a little sweetness. But this is not evening at the improv. You're not going up there to kill. You're not going up there to kill. You're going up there to facilitate a lovely evening for these two people getting married. Do your job. Do the business.

But do not make it about you. I've been to too many weddings where the person it like made it about them and thought it was a show and it just in case the person i just i just went to a wedding that was officiated by a stand-up comedian in case you're listening to this i know you listen sometimes i'm not talking about you i think you did a wonderful job um but i've seen it so many times where it's just been like hey shut the fuck up man you know what i think i think you get some razzle or you get some dazzle. You don't get both. That's a fucking perfect rule. You get a little razzle, you get a little dazzle.

You don't, you don't, don't, don't. Come on, man. I just don't think they realize that all of us are uncomfortable listening to this. Because there's a way to do it. And that is not the way. And as soon as you start to veer off the path, it's like, come on. Like, let's just get to the thing that we want. Rabbi Morris Panitz did a great job.

I'll tell you that. Didn't make it about him. Touched on the Torah just enough. Guy knocked it out of the park. It was really good. You guys' vows were also really great. Thank you. It was like two writers married each other.

Yeah, seriously. It was fantastic. I remember listening to that and being like, wow, I'm going to have to find something stock online when I get married. My vows were just nothing. Your vows were good. They were a lot of dough. Laura did crush. Roasted your ass, dude.

She had some really good ones. I only typed out my vows so she could see that I literally did it. But I didn't say one word that was on that page unless I thought. What are you doing? Wow. I know that I can't read out loud very well, and I also knew I was going to be crying, so I honestly memorized what I wanted to say, and I wrote down something almost

completely different just to see that I put the effort in. Why wouldn't you just write down what you were going to say? I knew, because again, I can't read very well out loud. But I mean, you memorized it anyways. Why would you type something different? Yeah. This is doesn't make sense.

Yeah. None of it makes sense. Anyway, I feel this is what I'm I'm really worried about crying and then not being able to stop. Like, I feel I'm not a big crier. But when I cry, I go, you get it done. And I go like, I don't want that. It's going to be so embarrassing. And it's just going to add to the panic.

And then I'm just going to be a mess. I'm really worried about that. I got all shaky voice. I cried fully during it. You got to pull yourself together. I feel like for women, too, you got to worry about that makeup. Yeah. They get, like, such a good makeup job.

And it's like, oh, you don't want to fuck that up. You yell. I yell when I cry because you're trying to get through it I said I'm different than every other guy seriously at my wedding I was like I know everybody says they're married for life but I'm different I'm different than everyone did you say oh yeah

I was probably looking right at you I was like I'm different that's so funny I was sitting with Dana fun wedding partner yeah I was probably looking right at you. I was like, I'm different. That's so funny. I was sitting with Dana. Fun wedding partner. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. I was up there running the goddamn show.

Yeah. Quarterback. I was downranging on the break that you saved the day because I was fuming too hard from the song getting screwed up. No, you were really. That might be the angriest I've ever seen you. I was mad. You were real. He was so missed

left and right uh David time for your fourth and then your final picks as it is okay this is another one like fighting that shouldn't have to be said and I wanted to know even for this there's a level another one like

don't be the guy who brings those drugs yeah you know what i'm saying bring some weed yeah of course maybe even a little molly for after after after oh yeah bro don't be because now because i've seen it just fuck up a wedding where it's like so and so brought it and now everybody's whispering so and so did you know so and so you want some go to so and so and then now it's like your fucking aunt who's been clean for 20 years you know what i mean but it's just like it's just like it creates the it's it's like it's another thing that just takes attention. Don't do that. We focus. Great. Maybe a little mushrooms.

A little ecstasy. But come on. Blow's not a wedding thing. Your eyes are like dinner plates. Nobody needs to be on. It's crazy. It just sucks. And then once everyone's on it, they're like, oh, where can I get more? Yeah.

And then that becomes the point of the night. And it's just like not. And it's always the person who brings it. You're like, yeah, of course it's fucking Rick. Yeah. Or who, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's fucking Rick. Yeah.

People are planning an escape to a separate location because it'll be easier to get more there. Yeah. And then it also creates weird pockets of people. These people are going to the bath. It just sucks. It just sucks it just sometimes weddings bring out the absolute worst in people i think so for sure i think it brings out the nihilist in some people for sure where they're just like no this does nothing matters you know how i know

because i brought cocaine to a wedding fuck it so yeah don't be the guy who brings those drugs yeah i got nothing else to say about it i have used those drugs at weddings but i never brought them that's not the fucking point yeah yeah you didn't bring them i didn't bring them i got sucked into the vortex like everyone else that's what happens because it starts and it just gets too big uh and then lastly uh this is to bookend on my first pick don't overdress yo great you know like like it's still the brides like because i've been to i've been to a few weddings where it's people who've known each other for a long time and maybe somebody has like a how do you like me now type body yeah that they're showing off you know what i mean you know what i mean oh you haven't seen me in a while now i'm hot yeah save it for the high school

reunion this that's not a wedding you know what i mean or just like a couple who's like okay now you're both in your matching turquoise outfits for this like don't pull focus it's just i mean i think that's the undercurrent of my whole list is don't pull focus i don't know if this was going to be somebody else's pick but it could also fall into the category of like not wearing white too just just like that would be going over the top you can't wear white and my girl just told me about red i didn't know that but now i'm thinking back to one wedding the last wedding i officiated and there was a couple both wearing red and it was like well red is also just such a dramatic color that's gonna focus as well

come on you know it sexy and it's like you don't need to be that. Earth tones. Earth tones. Come on, get you a peach something maybe. We don't gotta go nuts. It's gotta be a deep peach. That better be a deep peach. I don't need a high peach. I want like a pale. Like a pale. Like a soft. Yeah, wear your navy blue suit. Whatever, but don't

like, you know what you're doing. No hats. Leave the hats at home yeah fellas there is no hat i don't want a damn fedora at my wedding get the hell out of here unless it's an old guy old man a old guy fedora is fine go off wear a kangol old guy you're an old guy and i also want to piggyback on that drugs thing to say, hold on. Oh, shit. I am selling. If anyone is interested. I got it for the low. But no, the guy who brings weed to the wedding.

Awesome. Yeah. That's a cool guy. I wish your wedding. No name said. I wish I was that guy because somebody came up to me and was like, got any boo? And I was like, I don't even know what that is, but I wish I did, brother. Somebody saying some kind of 1970s Brooklyn, New York nickname for marijuana.

It means marijuana. I didn't know. Amongst certain groups of people, apparently. Yeah. Jewish fathers of the groom. I don't know. Amongst certain groups of people, apparently. Yeah.

Me, no. Jewish fathers of the groom. I don't know. I don't know who it is. We didn't even have shirts on. It was so sick. Could be anyone, really. That was tight. Never heard that.

Time for my final pick. Have a cake. Oh, have you been to when people didn't have a cake? Yeah. We didn't have a cake. People have been mixing it up lately. You guys didn't have a cake. Oh, have you been to when people didn't have a cake? Yeah. We didn't have a cake. People have been mixing it up lately. You guys didn't have a cake? Oh, you guys had the dessert bar.

Yeah, we had cupcakes, I think. I got up in that, though. Yeah. I made a couple moves. I like the variety. I like a diverse range of desserts. Love it. But I also just want to have some fucking cake.

I love a little bit of cake. I want the other stuff too, but I just want to leave a little bit. And more than that, I want to see you guys cut the cake. Even if you just have a cake for cutting. I love it. I don't know. I think it's so sweet. I know it's corny.

This might be the thing that I told you I was coming into this podcast. I might change my mind on some things. We're not going to cut the cake in front of people. You're not going to cut the cake? That wasn't the plan, but I don't know. I didn't know that people felt so strongly about this. Oh, it's so, it's like, I put it up there with the first dance.

What? Yeah. I do too. Yeah. I love it. I love it. You like a little cake in the face action? No. We didn't do cake. Well, okay. Much like the speeches, cake antics piss me off. You can't get over the top. You can do a little mush, kind of, but like, brother.

Or like, I've seen it where somebody else, like they're cutting the cake and then somebody reaches over and kind of mushes. Not your wedding dog i was told with no uncertain terms not to mash any cake and that she was not being cute she was not yeah she was like you do not do that i'm in full makeup my hair you know what i mean the amount of hate like work a jewish woman has to do to make her hair presentable for a wedding is like absolutely outlandish and she had done all that. So it was like do not. And I was like, message received. But we still, we cut the cake

if you don't want to. Ultimately, it's your wedding. You know what I mean? You do. I'll think about that. I was told in no uncertain terms. It is. I just think it's a very sweet moment. And I also love that it's one that like it's so wedding-y. It harkens back to just like generations of people

you know cutting the cake and getting married and it's like it's kind of the last at least at our wedding it was the last thing you do almost as hosts of the wedding and then it's the party for you it just gives itself over then you get to join the party it gives itself over

the dance floor. It's like a ceremonial, like you cut it. Everybody eats some cake. And you know what? Now we're joining the party. Don't fucking bug me. I'm out there. I also feel like it's the couple thing that's the most candid.

Like the kiss is staged. The dance is staged. The cutting the cake feels fun. You see their dynamic. It always usually looks like the bride and groom are having a good time with each other when they're cutting the cake. Maybe a little more than the dance or the kiss. I love a cake cut.

Good pictures. Good pictures, too. So that's my final pick. Sean, time for your final pick. I feel bad. I gotta say it. Don't get married on a holiday. I don't know. Ha! Well, now which ones? My buddy got married on New Year's Eve

and I was just like, what are you doing? I don't. I was so fond of him. I kind of like it too. Yeah, I didn't. See, I like like Ian's. The day before Labor Day,

or was it Memorial Day? It was Labor Day. That's like, I don't want to go to your wedding on 4th of July. Well, yeah, it really, it's the New Year's Eve one.'s like, I don't want to go to your wedding on 4th of July. Well, yeah, it really, it's the New Year's Eve

when it was, I don't know what, it was just, and I'm torn on picking it because it's like, who am I to say? But it just, it's in me,

it's in my, it's in my, it's right now, it's what I'm thinking. So yeah. Give me New Year's Eve, man. I love that. Give me somewhere

to be on New Year's Eve. I never want to know what I want to do on New Year's Eve. It gives me something pre-planned. Yes, I love it. I think that's a great idea. We were young enough to where we're like, this is stupid. We should be at a bar with a thousand

people. Oh, because you're like 23? Yeah, we couldn't wait for the bus to get out of there and we were so mad at him in his own way. But that's on us. I don't know. It was just what I was thinking. I will say New Year's Eve,

everyone's broke because you just went through Christmas. Yeah. And a New Year's Eve wedding does kind of suck because then you're having to go and spend money on a hotel and travel and your dress.

And it's a little bit much. I'm still on board. New Year's Eve, I'll take a Halloween. I'll go do a Halloween. That's fine. I've never even heard of that. If you do a Halloween, if I get two gods get a Halloween. I'll go do a Halloween. That's fine. Halloween? I've never even heard of it. If you do a Halloween, if I get two gods get

married and I get to go to a Halloween themed wedding, I'm in. Somebody's going to be wearing a Jack Skellington hoodie. I don't like it. Set it up. I don't like Halloween though. I love Halloween. I do like Halloween. I love Halloween. Me too. Love Halloween. Love scary movies. My 30th birthday was

scream themed. Everyone had to dress up as somebody that either was murdered or in the movie. That was great. That's fun. Very normal 30th birthday party. I don't want a 4th of July wedding. I don't want a Christmas Thanksgiving, obviously. That'd be crazy.

We're getting married on Christmas Eve. I want it to be a secondary holiday, a holiday where I knew I wasn't going to have to go to work on Monday. On the Monday? That's a great call. But I don't want like a primary I was going to do something. Oh, I love those. If I was going to have a barbecue or go to a barbecue and you have a wedding, I don't love that.

Getting married. What was it, Ian? It was Labor Day or what was it? I know you just said it. Labor Day. Yeah, like just before that? Perfect. Because then the Monday is off. That's perfect to me. That's perfection. Cause then it's a three day weekend. Like you have the Saturday. I think I even got on Friday and then you leave on the Monday. You have, it's an extender. Great. I just really, it's all stemming from new year's, but you know, I don't even know what other holidays people would get married. Somebody invited me to a new year's Eve wedding. Now I would be fucking thrilled, man. I would

love it. I don't think I would take Umbridge with it these days. I would think about it. And what is your final pick, Rachel? Okay. I'm surprised that no one said this yet. Proposing. Oh, yeah. Oh, I've never actually seen that. I have never seen it either,

but I would imagine it would be insane. I see it on Reddit. I would imagine it would be insane. That sucks too. That shit sucks too. That. You want to talk about pulling focus. Wouldn't that be crazy? What were you thinking?

I don't. Or announcing you're pregnant or anything like that is, I think, pretty lame. Let me be the star. Let me be the star of my own show for the weekend. You're a day player. Yes. It's like, since everyone's here, we thought we'd make an announcement. It's like, no. Oh my god. I can't even

imagine that. Apparently it happens. It happens. I think that might be the biggest faux pas. I think it is. I think that should have gone number one. I think that might be the biggest faux pas. I think it is. I think that should have gone number one. I think you got. Yeah. That's huge.

I would save it in the back pocket. I thought maybe somebody else would take it. That's up there with like, don't murder someone to me. That just, I didn't even, didn't even occur to me. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

A phenomenal pick. Phenomenal picks all around. Let me go ahead and recap really quick. That was fun. You were, you did say you were, you fit in perfectly. Murdered it. Thank you. David,

you went first. You took being underdressed, getting too nasty on the dance floor, fist fighting, bringing those drugs and being overdressed. I drafted being the drunkest person at the wedding, talking too long in a speech, making the wedding too hard to get to with

a multiplication, a formula of distance and when it's happening, deficient, making it about themselves and not having a cake, not having cake and specifically not cutting that cake. Sean, you went third. You took giving too specific of a speech, not making it about the girl at all or the guy as it were, usually not making it about the bride. Texting the bride or the groom specific questions

on the day of, not RSVP-ing. Do you know what RSVP stands for, Sean? Respond si vous plait. Yeah, oui. I didn't know that. No, I did not. Respondez-vous si vous plait. No, I didn't. In my my head I was breaking down ASAP I was like it's gotta be one of those

Sponsored very possible Say it like English is my third language Pulling your phone out To take pictures when you've been Asked very nicely not to And having your wedding on a major holiday Rachel you went last You took having a very tonguey first kiss.

Giving an uninvited speech. An overly choreographed dance at any point. Serving gassy foods. And then proposing at someone else's wedding. Or making a big dramatic announcement of any kind. Strong West. At someone else's wedding. Yeah.

Fantastic list all around. Rachel, thank you so much for joining us. You were wonderful. This was great. This was so fun. Thank you guys so much for having me. I've been looking forward to this as soon as you asked.

So my pleasure. It was so fun. Hell yeah. We want to hear your picks. Head us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon

where you get bonus episodes, live episodes, AFE mailbags and AFE auction drafts as well, shout out to Isaac, Super Producer Isaac on the ones and twos, still somewhere overseas in Korea on a covert mission shout out to St. Sue Carmel

shout out to Frankie Ocean, shout out to SayTheDude, shout out to Haji Beats and more important than all of that tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything Sha-clackity ooh that was a hate gun podcast