All Fantasy Everything - When That Paycheck Hits (w/ Nic Nanpei, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: June 17, 2021

IN the studio! (virtually) ON the mic! This week we are joined by none other than Nic Nanpei as we draft "When That Paycheck Hits!" We have all been broke as a joke with no weed to smoke at some point in our life, so we decided to dive in and talk about it. Episode Guest:Nic Nanpei @NNanpei IG: @NNanpeiSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, our friend Nick Nanpay joins us to draft what to do when that paycheck hits. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's do it. Welcome to All Fantasy Everything!

Shit! I keep mixing up the intro you were in it you you did you said it i keep mixing up the intros i did the middle intro at the beginning and then last podcast i did the beginning intro in the middle you should change it and really bum out that person who got it tattooed on their body just like now you change the intro so it's different shit dude what how do i start the podcast again welcome to all fantasy welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything yeah oh god that's right that yeah let's leave it all in let them see the gears i'm yeah i want them to see how the sausage gets made we got the brown hat memo or was that yellow it's yellow that's yellow sorry if if if you'll allow me now i know you're a new yellow. If you'll allow me. Now, I know you're a new father.

So if you'll allow me, I throw the word mustard in there. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is in the studio is on the mic. Fucking Nick Nampe is here. He made it. I guess the studio is a Zoom studio now. It's as close as we have to a studio so fucking nick's here i love it yeah it's good to be here i think i've been in like the

studio a couple times just uh hung over sitting in the corner um eating snacks of head gum yeah oh my gosh those days snacks of head gum those days walking in when i thought like well i didn't eat but a lot of coffee should do what food does where i'm just like i'll just have like five or six nitro coffees and i you know i should be just fine dude we were like it was the culinary uh version of sending like the seal team six into like politically unstable areas because we'd be like super hung over and then drink like a bunch of nitro cold brew and the tiniest little slim jims that they had it and had sugar shaky buttholes in the morning over there i would be like i would do that thing that

responsible adults can do where they'd be like oh it's i'll have a drink i know it's 11 but i'll have a drink but having not been responsible at all no no no wait no it can happen we're an adult at the kentucky derby what are you saying i'm saying if it's special what are you talking about if it's listen david you didn't have my dad if it's special you can drink whenever and all the time if there's anything special on the horizon if anything special has happened to a person adjacent to you in any way oh man it's like uh your average responsible will wait until the clock strikes noon yeah outside of sunday brunch bloody mary situations which well regardless i would have a couple too early at head gum and that was the

point we'd record at nine and i'd be like well marissa there's whiskey or what what's in there and she sometimes she's like ah there's there's like rum i'd be like ah i like rum sure yeah we'd be making unholy unholy cocktails just real real freshman year of college cocktails yeah is rum just the worst possible breakfast cocktail ingredient you could have like vodka makes sense whiskey tequila maybe you could get a rum like a rum and orange juice with with breakfast like something or uh forgetting sarah marshall wouldn't that be all right like a rum and pineapple juice i feel like rum and gin are the twin bastards of breakfast like yeah i don't want rum i don't want gin at breakfast but

rum might be the most offensive maybe if like rum is mixed into like like if it's some sort of like coconut pancake that's what i was i could see rum or in like yeah like some kind of a cinnamon orange weird thing i could see rum in the morning because it's so sweet well here's how you know rum is in a breakfast drink none of us have had rum at breakfast and if it was one of us would have and i've and i've had gin at breakfast yeah i've had gin at breakfast i saw david one time speaking of rum we were we were putting a bow on a night at the fortress one night the fortress solid dudes putting the bow on it at like four all had plenty and david his uber got there and he walked over to the bacardi and he checked it and it wasn't open and he's like uh and just opened it

took one for the road nasty nasty you know i don't remember doing it i don't even i i think rum is bad kinda yeah i like it i well i say that i like a favorite you like though i like a deadbeat dads who leave that's what i don't like all right yeah you stick around you wipe those you wipe that shitty butt i've done it fatherhood 15 times in the last couple days anyway i like a good like sweet you're gonna lose count of that at some point i don't hear me hear me when i say i don't mind like that birthday cake rum that stuff that picardy stuff that dragon you were gonna talk about birthday cake doo-doo from your child hear me now what i tell you you switch topics real quick we were talking about

my daughter and rum and i got back to the one that people want to listen to and it's rum have you blessed the bottle as far as telling them your daughter's name? Are we going out of order? I'm sorry. Oh, well, Sean Jordan is here, the man who doesn't mind wiping butts and drinking birthday cake-flavored rum is Sean Jordan. I didn't know they made birthday cake-flavored rum,

but you're out there drinking it. You found it. Bacardi. Bacardi's rum, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they make birthday cake. They have, like, dragon fruit or whatever. They haveardi's rum, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think. Yeah, they make birthday cake. They have like dragon fruit or whatever.

They have all of them. I thought you were talking about Skinny Girl vodka flavors. They do that too. That's a birthday cake one. I swear there's birthday cake Bacardi. Nick? It sounds familiar, but I haven't really drank Bacardi since I was 21-ish. So it seems like a little bit past my time.

Well, la-ti- ti da cheese and rice guy moves into a bigger studio all of a sudden fuck me i guess i've had birthday cake and rum in the same function yeah that's so that's that's gross yeah that cake sits bad on top of the booze i feel like if someone had protected me in my late teens, early 20s from drinking the amount and quality of rum that I drank, I would maybe have a different opinion of it now. Oh, yeah, of course.

But Bacardi, they were giving it away. Yeah, that was the... Everybody's big brother had a half a bottle of warm Bacardi. That's what big brothers did. You just drink 151 out of a coffee mug just because that's what was there we did yeah we lit it on fire too what else do you want we got our hands on tech nine and then you know make caribou lose on occasion oh god did you guys ever have at the bars did you

have those those people that would come around and give away free whatever like like free bacardi they rarely came to our table because we weren't like influencer looking types at the time, but I did see them out there. And sometimes I scored like a Red Bull off of those, like the ladies in the shorts with the Red Bulls. Yeah. I dated a Red Bull girl in high school or I was just out of high school.

Yeah. She used to leave cases of Red Bull on the door and then leave because she was nervous. Wait, what? My girlfriend, she would come over. No shit.

She'd come over and she'd be like i'm gonna drop some red bull off and i was like you know why don't we i don't know say what's up and she'd be like no i'm you know i'm nervous i was like you're my girlfriend was she in uniform and she couldn't be seen with you because you're such a dirtbag oh that might be it you're you're down in the brand i get it man i had a house. I had a house. I was paying rent. I was out there. I have a theory as to why she was nervous. Maybe it was the unlimited access to Red Bull. All the Red Bull or the Red Bull Mini Cooper that she had to drive around? Yeah.

Also, let's be honest. There's probably 40 dudes in there just stinking and drinking. Yeah. No shirts. A lot of them. Adam just sent us a picture where we all got our shirts off and headbands on like holding all holding keystone lights shaved heads by the way we look like such assholes yeah it fits yeah i had a kid on twitter yeah i had a kid on twitter yeah i had a kid on instagram

yeah yeah i had a kid on irish father's stick around app which i'm the only member god i love that i love that john mayer remix yeah how's it been dude you what are you what are you like a five days into it one week into it yeah it's been i think uh yeah well she was born on 69 so whatever that was from now that was six days ago yeah that was six days it gave a thumbs up and the chin the chin like yeah bro yeah it's been a trip man um it's amazing i'm in love she's perfect have you told is the name public yet are you or do you even want to? I think so. They're going to find out. Maxine.

Maxine, dude. Yeah. I think it's dope that you named your daughter after a character on Living Single. Yeah. I think it's very progressive. Maxine. Maxine. Maxine.

Have you been singing that to her? Yeah. Constantly. I know it. I knew it. Constantly. I knew it. I've been sitting on the porch swinging making up songs

it's real fun i just try to talk as much as i can to her when's uh when's she gonna get a job well she's she's grounded right now okay as soon as i lift i saw her talking to a boy and uh that ain't gonna happen that's one thing that got me. Oh, okay. Here you go. So I'm sure I'll do stand-up about this, but the doctor, doctors are so logical, most of them,

and they just don't, either they don't want to get jokes or they just don't have time to tell you that it's funny. So a doctor came in and she's like, so day one, you want one poop, day two, two poops, and so on. I was like, oh, it's's gonna be crazy when she turns six and the doctor looked at me like i was like she felt bad for me that i didn't understand what she was saying and she goes oh no no it stops

at six days and i was like yeah i didn't think on her sixth birthday she was gonna take two thousand shits or whatever it would be it was it was crazy to me i'm just like you didn't think i was kidding okay but hear me out what if she did i think i'd have something to say a month into it if she takes 30 shits i'll be like well we need to something's going wrong she eats like her old man she might be taking 30 shits tortilla doc we go to the pediatrician i'm gonna ask him like how do I get a tortilla in the bottle? Is it, can you grind it up enough? I got a food processor.

I could just throw it in. I got a Fruit Ninja. You know the Ninja? With some A1? Liquid all liquidy? It'll be all right. Gross, dude. Yeah.

It'd be gross if you did that. I'll say it. I'm in love. It's perfect. I can't. It's perfect i can't it's perfect uh whatever i'm sure i'll you know if people say you get tired and stuff of course i will but it's amazing absolutely amazing i thought for a second you said people are gonna say you get tired of it like you just get tired of being a dad like about six days in people always have the weird it's been

so i decided for about seven shits and then i couldn't do it yeah dude then she turned seven it was seven in one day i was like nah bro she was just squirting around the room like a balloon It's been so... I was in for about seven shits and then I couldn't do it. Yeah, dude. Then she turned seven. It was seven in one day. I was like, nah, bro. She was just squirting around the room like a balloon that someone let the end of go. She just shit all day. She never stopped shitting. I couldn't get a hold of her.

Flying, bumping into walls. I'm trying to read her The Hungry Caterpillar and she's just shitting around like a fucking like a challenger before it exploded. That's right. I'm doing challenger jokes. I had to set up five different TVs so I can have Scar scarface in different loops in different languages but i got it done so the education starts early yeah joker poster on her crib instead of a mattress yeah no shows coming up uh god there was i will say again i'm going to be a now i will i'll get to my shows later david borey is here cool guy jokes 87 on instagram the gsi on twitter how are you buddy i'm good i

was in the park it was too hot now i'm indoors various fingers and various pots getting all sticky you know what i mean when you're on your winnie the pooh shit red shirt included amen baby no pants you know how it is hell yeah dude poo bear there was a brief there was a brief window when gangsters wore well i guess they're kind of back doing it now rappers more than gangsters but like when they would wear say like disney stuff like uh just tigger winnie the pooh stuff like that but like actual gangsters but like when they would wear say like with disney stuff like uh just tigger winnie the pooh stuff like that but like actual gangsters do you guys remember that yeah i remember seeing a lot of tigger gear yeah i don't know did you oh you're coming in real low energy on that i

think you are i think you are tired i think your body yeah i'm tired i've slept probably 20 hours in the last week i think you're in like this you're a laptop low power mode right now where you only like like you can only use it on baby stuff dude you look like you were on the team in twister well it wasn't really a joke i was just being like you guys remember gangsters wearing disney stuff no yeah i do yeah period yeah that's it i got you just asking man i'm just asking i recall faded denver june 25th the black buzzard oh yeah jamelle huh we're bringing jamelle in first and then a host of other people afterwards uh the 26th i'm gonna be in rapid city south dakota whoa yeah i know where i was born all up in your yard

dude touching any of my yard touching your toys your chiseled dude rapid can take a long walk off a short pier i don't claim that west river shit but i'm saying it still counts september 10th and 11th i'm gonna be in tucson arizona at the house of bards then you're gonna be in threesome like the next weekend threesome there's also like a date in iowa coming up that i don't know where it's at in my email uh so yeah iowa i'll be there and then also a seattle date that's not totally locked down it's a lot of i'm just getting back out there, taking up all the gigs Burt Kreischer doesn't want. You know what I mean? They call Burt Kreischer.

They call Shane Torres. They call David Borey. No, I'm out there, though. But Faded Denver, come to that one. It'll be good. Nick Nampe is our guest and is here. I do the guest next, right? And not me.

I don't know why the fuck I forgot how to do AAP. I do the guest last. I do me last don't know why the fuck i forgot i thought you do it last i do you do you last i do me last i do what i'm saying you do it last i do me all the time all right yeah you're doing you with that hair right now yeah it's like you just did some toad did some toad you mean like lick the back of a toad yeah all right dad calm down it's funny a beam is about a joke from 30 years ago it's funny are you huffing goofballs again i don't like it not on my street you're out there worshiping the devil up there in the hills uh i do me first or me last no i do me last nick man pay is here at and man pay on twitter is that right that is correct and then is that also that on instagram

same on the gram probably across all platforms that's an n-a-n-p-e-i for all those curious individuals i assume most of our most of well not most of our listeners follow you but they fucking should they fucking should get a bigger brand do it right now and i will vamp while you're doing it all right yeah we can pause for a second and just uh wait for them all to follow i know it's not live right now but just give them a moment we should give them a second should we sing should we all say sean you sing maxine maxine maxine maxine all of you should follow nick on the gram oh yeah dude there it is maxhuh maxine maxine maxine church if you're listening to this on a mobile device then i know that you can my man it rhymed drop the fucking track dude

drop the track all right i'll do it oh oh no that isn't that isn't how i What if I just rap like that? I'm like... All right. Got it. You can. You got a whole album to fill. Hey, shut up, bro. All right, back up. I wish I could see your face when you say it. What if I did... This one gets Ian where I go...

If I did the pony... Oh, Mars didn't like it not one bit oh it sounds so bad in headphones that doesn't sound like any part of pony oh we haven't you haven't heard my version of pony yet that's what that's what I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nick Manbay is here. Nick, how are you?

How are you doing, buddy? I'm fucking stoked you're finally joining. I don't know why we didn't do this sooner. I'm great. I don't know. I've been in the studio a couple of times, but. Yeah. But just hanging out.

I did come on that one New York show to guest draft a pick, and I think I was too drunk to actually say what the pick was. I just started singing it. Well, you have sensed. You were drunk off all the wet meat that was in the green room is what you were drunk on.

Katie Nolan was so grossed out by that wet meat, but I loved it. I did too. Yeah, man. She lives a different life. I was like, yeah, I know, right? We got wet meat. Isn't it yeah man she lives a different life i was like yes i know right we got wet meat isn't it dank and she was just i was i was on the i was in road mode i would have

ate that off the ground seriously it's not like we all just got our own rooms i was like yeah what am i i expected dinner too no this is all right i've been outside i had 20 olives today for breakfast whatever it was a sweaty deli platter it was a bunch of hard seltzers it was a fun night oh shout out to katie by the way i just saw her in a movie what movie katie nolan uh the fx it's a doc the documentary about women in stand-up it's on fx i saw it on hulu she's in there oh i'll be tuning in that's amazing yeah take it take it in anyways nick you were i i had seen moana once, but I think I was like way too stoned to really remember. I have since listened to how far I'll

go, which was your guest pick on the best Disney songs draft a million times. I think you're right. I think it might be the best Disney song. It's it's up there. Like, um, AF email, Kiper called it out again the other day, uh uh saying that history will be on my side i will be vindicated this is a plus pick i believe he survived his surgery so we don't need to like talk about him anymore like it's yeah he's he's pretty now you know all right it's a little too early in the podcast to talk about him yeah that's a lynn manuel miranda joint right he's in it but i think it was written by that guy who's like he got it twice i forget his name but there's this dude what do you wait what are you talking about he got it twice there's this guy he did the frozen songs then he did moana and like a few other things

i forget his name uh frozen didn't those songs didn't didn't do it for me dude how far i'll go yeah oh no how i thought how far i'll go was from moana oh no sorry uh let it go yeah let it go no i don't like that song very much yeah robert lopez i think did moana late wait let me look though i didn't know i still haven't seen frozen or heard any of the songs i don't think well you have a baby girl it's gonna happen dog yeah i'm here as well just you don't even need to get it early gotta get it in before she starts crapping 50 times a day but yeah oh wait you might be right it might have been a lin-manuel yeah songs written by lin-manuel

miranda mark mancina and opitai foye because listen man let me tell you, I'm about halfway through the heights and it's making me think about watching Hamilton. Really? I mean, it is corny, but it's I don't know. And I have a hard stance against Hamilton. Fuck. Yeah, I did fucking school rap. Get out of here. But I mean, I didn't do anything. Yeah.

But I, I watched like half in the Heights. I, I think also though, that I have like a very big crush on Dasha Polanco, I think is part of it. And my really only critique on the Heights is I don't think that many native New Yorkers can swim. There aren't a lot of pools that's the only that's the only thing i have to say about that i just i they never seem to be able to swim but do they swim i haven't watched in the heights but i guess it seems like they're in the shallow end so maybe okay are they that's chilling that's not swimming yeah they're at a

pool but nobody's like if your feet can touch you're not you're you're chilling you're not swimming okay that was reasonable i went swimming over the weekend or over yeah over the weekend for the first time since i've lost all this weight i always thought i was really good at swimming but it turns out i was just fat you were buoyant are you not good at swimming at all i sink to the fucking bottom of the pool now when you jump in it's because nerd did you learn how to swim though you not you do know how to swim i? I sink to the fucking bottom of the pool now. When you jump in, it's because. You nerd. Did you learn how to swim though?

You do know how to swim. I do know how to swim. I can handle myself, but I could swim knowing I can float. And now I can't really float. So now I'm in the pool in the deep end like that. We're looking for things to hold on to. I can handle myself. I'm not drowning but like you can still swim though i used to yeah i can still swim okay that's what i was i don't

want you to be like i can't rollerblade and would you make it an open water i don't know that's the thing you just crash into those waves and now we're gonna have to bring like a life jacket yeah i've seen you stand there and yell at him and like and turn around and fan out on the whole beach i've straight up seen you do that. Show yourself. Show yourself to me. I used to love it. Sea water is a different story because sea water, you're more buoyant than salt water.

But like fresh water, my game is off. Were you in a pool or a lake? A pool. I don't know why that would make a difference. I'd be afraid to swim in a lake now. The way I used to. We'll get you out to we'll get you out to wall lake lake alvin lake bahoya when we do that sioux falls afv whenever that happens we'll

hit all the lakes dude i'll be wearing jeans because i'm not going in the water don't worry i'll tell south dakota we're coming sean david i'll fucking oh man i won't do anything because i have a kid upstairs and i can't just leave so i gotta see so i have fun i was telling someone that the other day i was like i'll scoop my seed my buddy lance used to say that for real when we were kids you shouldn't say scoop when you say he said he'd be like he was a whole thing he'd be like he always wanted like a dollar so he'd be like hey man bless me with a dollar so i can amount and do and then can we go scoop my seed oh because he also needed a ride yeah was it me and you were talking was it me and you who

were talking about like if your dad called you seed you probably didn't see him enough yeah yeah that's true that's true it's true for sure yeah nick anything you want to direct people to what um yeah let's uh direct everybody to trailblazing uh keep buying trailblazing uh hopefully we get some more afb merch coming soon we're on talks we're in talks keep an eye yeah there might be some dates getting announced there might be some merch that is is go in correlation with said dates we don't know nick is i should say one of the founding members right no that's uh i'm not a family member but i'm just uh always just around i think i got quoted in the oregonian as the guy

who's always there i didn't realize i was on the record so i just kind of go with that as far as my title i think that's about accurate i like that the guy is there that's true that's just a good fucking description you're the guy who's there you every way that there can be meant. You're at the event. You're dependable. You're fucking there, dude. You're there. I swear when we all started chilling, I don't remember specifically

when I met you even, but I just turned around and we were really good friends one day. It's great. I'm sure we met at a comedy show and then just got drunk together every weekend for a month and then it was like, oh yeah like i'm sure we met at a comedy show and then just got drunk together every weekend for a month and then it was like oh yeah sean's a friend and then every weekend for six years then we go to yeah then we go to mortal combat 10 years later uh my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish uh this this i nix play app i got one of those i got one of

those uh picture frames a digital picture frame for for for the old schwartz the daner schwartz uh d bone how do you like it is it is it good quality like is it i've been wondering about doing that well i haven't really set it up yet. I started right before this podcast, and then we had to do this podcast. So I'll finish it after the podcast, and then we'll get back to you. After the podcast. Now, I don't know. What are you talking about a digital picture frame? You haven't seen those things?

Is it exactly what it sounds like? That's right. I got one for my parents as a gift, and it is, I think, their favorite gift. I've gotten them. They really enjoy it. Every time they're in the kitchen, they'll just be like looking at the picture frame to like relive one of their old travel memories. Oh, that's great.

Good gift. More than the chainsaw you got them? Yeah. Didn't you get, you got them a nice Ryobi chainsaw, didn't you? What about that three grams of blow? Sorry, that's insane thing to buy your pants. Where Marissa just looks at her dad now dad it's for both of you listen to all fantasy everything watch the late late show james corden although

we'll be on summer hiatus by the time you hear this so fuck i don't care do whatever you want with your evenings um and keep an eye out again i will be announcing some stand-up dates and i don't i don't know maybe all fantasy everything will be doing some live shows in the future uh where would we do if we were gonna do live shows where would you want to can we talk about that i mean not bolivia i'll tell you like no no no i'll give you an outline of where it won't be it will not be in bolivia nick do you know what bolivia is because sean keeps bringing it up on the podcast okay everyone out aaron everyone out i'm pretty sure it's a fictional country they just made up for movies um butch cassidy and the sundance kid traveled there and i that's right have no other recollection or ever hearing of it before it's like a fake it's

meant to just be like far away kind of oh okay that's why sean's always talking about it and like has like bumper stickers from their coffee cups i'm always talking about it huh tread lightly my friend spoons just like lightly luggage tags pictures of him there postcards from it postcards from the edge in bolivian the edge of you too no postcards from the edge bolivian language i think they must speak bolivian because it's a fake place right yeah oh that makes sense yeah they spell vish there's a bunch of dialects fucking sean bolivia newton john jordan over here keep an eye out on our patreon where the pre-sales will be announced first.

If they don't sell out, then they'll be made available to everybody, but they will be announced first on our Patreon. That's where you can get tickets to our shows first and my standup shows. And then they'll be available to everybody shortly after that. But if you want to make sure you have your butt in the seat,

make sure you're on the Patreon. I would say maybe in the months of June and July. That's just where I would look out for those things. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Who knows? The topic today, Nick, you sent us a list of a bunch of amazing topics. Yeah, you didn't have anything, man. He goes, he's like, I'm going to think of some ideas.

And then you hit like 10 dank ones. So yeah man such fantastic ideas the one we picked is stuff to do or it's what is the topic is when that paycheck hits when that paycheck hits that's the yeah because you gotta be in the mindset i was trying to explain it to laura who i don't think has ever been in the when that paycheck hits mindset yeah i was like you've never been broken up i guess to oh i've been pacing okay i've been staring at like a faucet that won't turn on you know i mean we don't want to get into pics yeah yeah for real but the faucet literally not turning on yeah yeah yeah there's uh it's different now i haven't had a paycheck hit i mean i get paid every week auto deposit but i haven't had a paycheck hit. I mean, I get paid every week, auto deposit, but I haven't had a paycheck hit in about eight years now.

That's a different experience. Well, they hit, I think- I'm probably about three or four, three years out from like the ones that I really needed. Let's talk about it though, because there's still, well, I don't know. I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Nick, what inspired you to pick this topic? I'm just trying to think think things that we could all relate to um like it takes a not a special kind of person just uh we've all been broke before and

you know when that paycheck hits it uh hits a little differently and you got to prioritize what you got to spend it on maybe some dumb shit we'll see we'll see maybe yeah that's a maybe thanks for the maybe on that nick and i we knew each knew each other, like Nick and I became friends, what, junior year of high school? Is that about right? Something like that, yeah. Yeah. So we've been friends for the last years

of not needing a paycheck to hit those last couple of years of high school when I guess you still want the paycheck to hit, but it's not life or death. And then our entire history of needing that paycheck to hit. Yeah, the whole time. The whole time.

I never thought about that. That's true. Yeah, the whole time i never thought about that that's true yeah the whole time um so this will be fun so the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissors shoot oh sean wins the new father the same scissors he cut the umbilical cord is the scissors he wins rock paper scissors with i did cut it you know what it was what was it like here's what it was like so uh zach i believe we were so we had that corner store in glendale and uh it was this is not how i thought you were gonna start it's completely like predominantly armenian

and there was a they would have like all these armenian treats up front and one of them was like called like a nut rope or something oh i remember that yeah i do we walk by it every day for years like seriously for years and one day ian actually i think you got him and you brought him home and we're like oh no way you got those and he goes yeah let's try them they weren't good zach ate most of it i think but i think he just did it to do it that is to that is to me exactly what the cord looked like and i didn't feel it but you feel it with scissors you can kind of feel it cut and they even said when i was going to cut it they're like it's going to be chewy i was like with the scissors yeah yeah and it's it's

like different than you think it was amazing i'm not it's not gross of course it was amazing no this is the stuff we need of course it's a magical experience but it was also kind of gross it is and that you know i don't want to i don't want to go too deep but the whole thing was like that perfect where you're just like got you into this situation in the first place. Hey. The David's joke from last week. No, that's what got the rat into this situation. I'm just a better man than he is. I'm around. I'm here.

Okay? I'm here. He's in Barbados, I think. We got to sell a NFT of Marissa's face when you said that. Yes. So it's like those... If you can find what I'm talking about on verdugo and collar or what it's verdugo and whatever street we lived on uh there's a there's a market yeah

rock yeah it's an armenian walnut tree uh it's a weird rope of anyway yeah now we just caught that's what they nope not gonna do it sean as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question dad if i was gonna do a completely different one but i'm gonna say dad uh if you are let's say you're you got a your baby you're you you got your baby, you're, you're feeding her. You're, you're both splitting the duties. You're on, you're on feeding duty.

You got her in the left arm. You got the bottle out. You're, it's in, it's in her lips. Your left arm gets a little bit tired. She's got to go over to your right arm. She fusses a little bit when she does it, but you don't care because it's the cutest noise in the world. Even if she's scream crying, like a guttural, it's still where you're just like, oh my God, you're precious. So much so that you laugh a little bit every time when you know it's frustrating everyone else in the house.

You get her to your right arm, you feed her a little bit. And then before you know it, that arm starts to go numb. You look up and you're watching ballers because you need something that you already know the words to that doesn't have any volume. It's like a better baby Einstein. Sorry to jump on. So you're going to switch your back to your left arm. But before you do that, you're like, well, that's just going to go numb again. So I might as well just keep her on the right arm as long as I can until you just like can't

move your fingers. Then you flip her over to the left arm. You just kind of do that thing until the bottle is gone. And then she poops. And then you keep watching ballers when she goes to bed until she cries and you pick her up and you do it all again until she's a teenager and then she gets into drugs and stuff i don't know i hope not i'm so scared of everything that's going to happen in her whole life you're planning on feeding your baby until she's a teenager just to be clear she's gonna poop 9 000

times a day man i don't know what to do i gotta i gotta keep she's not gonna eat enough i gotta keep keep up with the poops i gotta keep feeding her you don't want to keep feeding. She's not going to eat enough. I got to keep up with the poops. I got to keep feeding her. How long are you going to keep her in the tub is my question. Oh, I bet you Laura's going to have some opinions on that. The way that I came up, I bet you it will be different. I bet you she'll be taking showers quick. Not a bathtub before high school kind of thing. Don't get backed off the block, dude. You're a parent too, all right? That's all I'll say. I was never on the block. I'm just saying I think Kelly Jordan wanted. I'm just. Don't get backed off the block, dude. You're a parent too, all right?

That's all I'll say. I was never on the block. I'm just saying I think Kelly Jordan wanted- I'm just saying don't get backed off the block. My mom wanted me to. She did not discourage me taking a bath. If she would have said one word about how showers were the way to go, I would have given it a shot, but she never even tried.

Nampay, when was your last bath? I take baths all the time. I took a bath actually in the last four or five months. Really? Yeah. I don't know why. It was just like, I'm going to just pour a bath and put my laptop on the toilet and watch like Simpsons or something on Disney Plus and just chilled out for a bit.

I do it all the time. I probably took, I bet I've taken six baths in the last month. Wow. Everybody knows you've do it all the time i probably took uh i bet i've taken six baths in the last month everybody knows you've done it all the time you're a bath guy asking we're asking like a you know a non-bath guy david when was your last bath bath i don't know i used to do it in hotels on the road when i was alone always it's i always do it in the hotels when i'm alone probably like over a year mar, are you a bath guy? The last bath I took was in LA. It's been only six months.

Okay. But it would be occasional, maybe like once every month or two. For you, you like an international bath. You're not doing them in the home country. I get it. Elizabeth Banks. I can't remember the last time. I a bath in a hotel once out for novelty in the last decade and i think that was it it's really feel like it's really kind of sad weirdly

it's good but it's also sad i've talked about it before but i can't my body hair just the way it behaves in a bath i can't it's the opposite of soothing to me that's what you've said it's just yeah it's like it's tense it's like a kelp forest i can't even imagine that is that kind of fun though it's like no i guess it is now that i think about it it should be soothing but i can't stop looking at it because they float in the bath it's like doing this thing this is not a visual medium but imagine a kelp forest you you guys like the way when you lay down and the water goes over your chest and then you just barely pull your chest out and all the water lays perfectly symmetrically flat down like the only time that could ever happen with your chest

hair when it all just kind of looks in order it's fun a managed chest hair situation sean it's time for you to manage what the draft order will be nick has to get to go first because it's his and it's a great idea. I'll be going second. David can't go. And Ian gets to go third and fourth. David's third, Ian's fourth. No picks for David? No.

David can fucking suck a railroad spike, man. Oh, damn. No, he doesn't. So David goes third. He didn't know I said any of that. Good or bad, man. You have no idea what I was doing. And David's fourth. David, Sean was talking about you, damn. No, he doesn't. So David goes third. He didn't know I said any of that. Good or bad, man. You have no idea what I was doing. And David, Sean was talking about you, dude.

I bet he was that motherfucker. Yeah. He was being a motherfucker, no less. Talking about how I'm going to squeeze the jelly out of you when I see you, man. I'm going to hug you guys so hard. Heard. I'd rather not. You don't have a choice, my friend.

I'm faster than you. Let's keep it as a... Doesn't mean you can wrap your arms around me if I don't want a choice my friend i'm faster than you let's keep it as uh doesn't mean you could wrap your arms around me if i don't want it that does man number tackle none of that way shit i hit you right in the numbers you were on jv once don't get tackled to me i know it's pretty dope right i agree i agree man i came up uh so that means the order will be Nick, Sean, David, Ian. Nick, you have the first pick in the When the Paycheck Hits draft, and we will get to that pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35.

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the paycheck hits draft nick you are on the clock all right so with this number one pick um it's something that i haven't done in a while not because i need that paycheck to hit but just because it's been a long a long pandemic uh it's been about 15 months but uh getting a haircut your hair looks amazing because it's one of those things that like you can push if you don't need it but if you got it like that especially when you get paid on a friday because you go in there like right before the weekend starts and then more specifically when you go to like one of those nice barber shops where they got the booze yes so i used to go to the bishops on hawthorne which um they would

just give you miller high life but it was always busy as fuck because they didn't have appointments and you just sit in there waiting for your uh haircut and you just get drunk get hammered it was great so getting a haircut at a boozy barber shop i guess for the listeners your hair right now is right about shoulder level i would say it's fully shoulder level what's the man it's fucking long it's we were just talking about how because it used to be well give them give them the what how did it used to be um i don't know i would get this shit cut like every three weeks probably just like one on the side so pretty high and tight like uh comb that over put some product in it there's pictures out there and now i just i can't imagine getting a haircut again even though this is my number one pick like i just

gotta keep this running no you had a fresh fade like for like the the freshest you went to like a you got to the point where you were going to like a barber shop i remember like a authentic like razor fade was that the name of the place um yeah i went there for a while but they were a little weird um okay so then i went to more house barbers in st john's um who was actually that barber it was the one who brought the kid to your uh rev hall show i don't know if you remember that i do remember that yeah yeah yeah yeah the when i first got to portland was the first time i remember getting an expensive haircut that wasn't it because i did i went through years and years and years of just shaving my head where

like it would just get long you buzz it that's it and then a sweatband hit the town yeah it looked like a fucking dickhead for quite some time take my shirt off throw on a sweatband ready for the friday night and i went to bishops and i just had to buzz my head but it was expensive i think maybe me and ian were with you or was was that it was it was before i'm it was like right when i moved here okay um it was my first good haircut i went with you guys to bishops then yeah yeah i think mine as well probably yeah man it's it's a fun i don't know i haven't really looked back as before that it was like straight up i would go to you know fantastic sam sometimes just because it was like i just needed someone to buzz it for me i need i fucking need i'm in dire need i have my sisters my older

sister's wedding in like three weeks and i have to get a haircut before then or i will look very silly in the pictures nick do you have them like fix your neck up or anything like that? Or I guess the hair's over it. So you don't really need to. Oh dude, yes, you do. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I guess I should.

Like I've got all these like loose straight hairs. I've been talking to my barber again after like a month or a year or so of not talking. So maybe I'll get him to clean it up. You made it sound like something happened. Nah, like I just stopped going. just stopped he finally paid me back like i feel like i owe him like back pay or something i did pay him for a couple of the first appointments that i that i've started missing and uh i got like some shirts to give him there you go that'll smooth it over yeah i getting the neck lined up is like my favorite part now where there's like go and i even

tell them i'm like go ahead and shave as far down my back as you feel like getting just clean it up and like all this stuff because i try to do it on my own and i i just can't and i don't like the stray big inch long hairs on my back i don't like it it is i mean it getting a new haircut is a fucking it's an invigorating experience it's like it experience. It's a personal renaissance every time it happens. You feel beautiful. You feel great. Also, if you're broke and you have a haircut and some money in your pocket, I might burn this motherfucker down. Watch out.

It's a limitless possibility situation. That's a great first pick. That's a great first pick. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. When the paycheck hits uh fill up the tank fill it up with gas gasoline that was the because the shame of having to go get like two dollars or a buck fifty or whatever in gas is like i and this is before debit cards a lot of mine come like i'm thinking of just the feeling of like fuck this

sucks because you had to go in and give them two bucks and be like you know here's two bucks i'm gonna put that in my car and drive away and it's just a such a bummer to do i've paid in change all that stuff and i honestly didn't feel up to take as much as i should because i thought i would allocate the money elsewhere elsewhere and irresponsibly, some might say. You had a one-man budgetary committee. We would meet paycheckly and we would decide a lot of times to not top off that tank, but do other things that are going to be later on the list, a little further down the trough. But if I'm picking, that was such a great feeling because you knew, right?

I was like, cool, I don't have to sweat that for a minute. Got a full tank. And I just, you know, it was one of those, I think it was the little come ups or little nice things you could do for yourself. I drafted it too. But it's like, I feel good about myself. I don't feel like a scumbag if the needle's not buried. And someone's like, hey, we're going to go to a party across town.

Can you drive? I'd be like, I sure can. Because I have a full tank. You just pull up to the gas station like, keep coming garcon and will you be filling i they just go in two bucks and i go no i'll be filling cha-ching and then i wayne's world and just pop all the cash out that's all once premium sir fuck off no and now i'm never gonna come to this gas station again you just lost yourself a customer, Texaco. Calm out. Texaco's a good belittling nickname to call somebody.

Yeah, man. Whatever, Texaco. You just lost yourself a customer, Texaco. Yeah. Filling up the tank, man. It was so much of a bummer to have to go in and pay what little cash I had at times that filling it up felt great. Now with a debit card, I guess I haven't had to do it it but you could put two bucks in and you'd be all right can i sell you as somebody who's worked at

multiple gas stations it doesn't really make a difference i know of course nobody gives a shit you're never you know what i mean you're never like oh fuck that guy what now it's like not more work or anything no no no i and i hope this doesn't sound the wrong way but i if i were working at a gas station and somebody put in a couple sound the wrong way but i if i were working at a gas station and somebody put in a couple bucks i'd be like sure what i'm at work so you could put in a thousand dollars to your gas tank i don't i don't really care i would judge them from on high i'd laugh i'd get my friends on facetime i facetimed with the big cranberry the other day that was pretty fun

was chain torres himself yeah how much of his face was in the did he get like i feel like he's a quarter of the face he gets closer than your average than your average hey there bella and it's just like a harsh up close i love him so much but yeah man i'm topping off the tank starting off practical all right we'll get practical david borre time for your first pick this one is just too real for me like this is the first one that popped in my head it's happened so many times throughout my stand-up comedy career and and before and before it's uh turning my phone back on yes because that one is always that's always the first bill to go like if i'm out of money i will

never pay that shit and i hate cell phones anyway so like whatever but like and there were so many times where it's just like i'm just like waiting waiting waiting waiting boom i walk down geary to the fucking 7-eleven go in to get one of those Virgin Mobile top-up cards yeah dude turn my shit on and watch it explode cause it's been gone for two weeks or some shit so you just have like 300 text messages

all dropping at the same time well and I had a Metro PCS phone for years and they'll take your number in like 3-4 days yeah they just give it away and they're like now you gotta tell then you get a brand new phone number yeah yeah yeah yeah you would always get crazy texts from random people just somebody's grandma because you know they forgot to pay you know what used to get me is when because i that definitely that was high

up on my list when they would be like all right and you have to pay the reactivation fee and i'm just like and then it's just like sticking it to me because they're like so it's 15 to get it reactivated plus the 150 or whatever it's like oh that's the paycheck that's why i went to virgin mobile with the top up cards because i was just sick of having to go into verizon or t-mobile like you with the gas where it's like yeah man i haven't paid this first they don't make you feel good about it either it's like nobody's ever been broke and it's so frustrating also nobody knows how to do it it's everybody's first day when i gotta cut my shit back on and then they're like and then they're like oh if you like t-mobile's always trying to sell you like some

streaming service and it's like i can't afford this bill yeah i don't want stars yeah what do you we know i'm not gonna pay it for such a long time my my bill was probably past due for like four years because i would just pay the amount to catch it up every month and so yeah that's how bills work baby when i was trying to build my credit back up i was just like i should have just i should have just manned up and paid it that one time and kept it current but no they uh yeah they'll stick it to you but it's also like that's what it is a lot it's like prioritizing when you're broke like that like yeah what can what can go cell phone is always for me it was always the first first one you start hitting that maslov's hierarchy of needs yeah yeah yeah it's like do i want to eat or do i gotta fucking text somebody like no i'll be at

the open mic give me some food i'll see i'll see you there yeah or whatever i was ever doing i was lucky i never my i've always i to this day i am on a phone playing with saint sue carmel shout out to saint sue carmel by the way i love you mama uh but like so it never got cut off but there were months when i didn't send her the my share for sure that's just as bad of a feeling i bet i'd rather not pay verizon than my mom i'd be like yeah i'd be like damn it well because also if you don't pay verizon you can just get low and then get a t-mobile in six months or something you know what i mean yeah i remember i won't say the bill because maybe we'll talk about it but at one point in my life my mom offered to pay a bill for me and i was like no i'm good and then maybe four days later i hit her up i was like still got that bill money

it was such a bummer to have to hit her back up she was like yes but stop doing this and i was like well you're gonna have to wait about it's great that she did that though i got i got turned loose real early as far as financially so i would just like a lot of bills i just like it's gonna have to take this one on the face yeah that shit was brutal that was ivan carmel's policy luckily i i'll buy that for sure he's just he's just like like brushing money off himself like no you got you can figure it out also when you're a kid you don't know how bills work everything seems so dire so i'd be like you know i'd be like shook if like in the very beginning you know what i mean like oh i didn't pay for what's gonna happen you know what

i mean yeah yeah you don't know that there's leeway yeah reactivation fees are fucking bullshit by the way we know that bullshit we've all worked for companies where you had to turn shit back on and it's a mouse and a click and it's back on it's that's that's what gets me man it's poor people tax you know what gets me well i don't want to talk if it comes up i'll tell the story but yeah i feel you time for my first and my second picks you guys all went fairly reasonable with your first picks i did i'll get unreasonable no i got some stuff i'm going to buy uh when the paycheck hits enough weed yeah oh damn that yeah that was on my list and you guys know i don't smoke weed but that was on my list because i'm like that was my next pick

yeah it's that i saw and so many people get paid and they were like all right i need like the x amount for the next two weeks for sure to live i need that so yes if you didn't have enough money, there was usually enough to get some weed, but it was never enough weed. And this was back in my times. Yeah. Dubs and dimes. Maybe now it's different. Maybe now you can go to whatever the weed store is and you can drop $5 and

get some like joints of whatever. I don't know. I don't know how it works. I don't even smoke weed anymore, but these were in the dealer days when it was like you had to go to some dude's house and you couldn't really roll up to some dude's house with $7. No, man. You had to have like enough money to actually buy weed. And I remember like sometimes like some good paychecks would hit.

Like when I was doing Talk and Ball and like, you know, like I do have done 10 shows and all of a sudden like two grand hit my bank account or whatever and you'd go get like a mason jar full of weed and it just felt i've never even in how well i've done since then and like whatever i've never felt richer than leaving with like an ounce of weed from the dealer's house back when like you had to go to the dealer's house back when an ounce was special order special yeah he was like okay i can do it now you feel so cool because you're like you're like i have drugs i mean you just feel cool you feel cool when you got drugs you just do it's just part of drugs you gotta get you gotta get from clinton street over to ash you know and it's like fucking frogger in your head but oh my god but when you weren't

when you didn't have any weed and maybe when it had been like a few days since you'd had weed like finally getting it just felt so fucking good because also you kind of need an escape when you're in when the paycheck hits mode dog that's the thing is like you only make enough to cover your vices like that's how that shit works yeah i mean like when you're super broke it's like man i just need i want one thing that makes me not feel like a piece of shit because the rest of my existence does you know i mean like it's just if it's weed or whatever that shit's so important as good intention as it might be when you think like i'm not giving that homeless person money they're just gonna spend it on weed or alcohol it's like

man sometimes they just fucking need weed or alcohol they live outside yeah what would you do if you hadn't been inside in three weeks yeah you don't want to get drunk you know like yeah give them the weed money you know no that i remember seeing a couple times adam on those like where he was coming towards the end of that like coming up on a paycheck and he would like drop a nug or something and you could just see it in his eyes where he's like and he would dig out of the carpet oh yeah i remember one time specifically held it up to me he's like is it is this carpet or weed or what do you think oh yeah it's like i don't know you're grinding up stems you're smoking resins yeah oh resin i'm scraping resin and shit oh resin has the worst smell as somebody who likes to smell

a weed resin smells so buck dude it's disgusting you're finding like an old bag of weed that like in your like it looks like it looks like yoda's hair like it's like fucking like in the back of a sock drawer and you're like i think this came with a dresser and you're like pulling that shit out yeah i remember being excited to boil pipes like i haven't i haven't boiled this in forever there's gonna be a gang of residents yeah oh it's tight enough weed that's my first pick with my second pick i'm going to take buying other people drinks yeah damn that was on my list too i know this is we're all pretty it's all pretty consistent so far yeah i think we're drafting from one pool this time yeah we're

all going down the like all right we all have these that's like five out of my 20 picks already like everything but the phone one and that's just because i was blessed buying other you you usually have enough money to buy yourself a drink or if not you're just not going to go out to a bar but when that fucking paycheck hits and you're pretty drunk and i'm a generous drunk anyway so i like it's just i fucking love. I love like coming back with like drinks for everybody or like picking up. It's something I still love doing to this day, but like back in the day when the paycheck would hit and you know how, like how much everyone is struggling now, it's nice.

Cause everyone has like kind of enough money, you know? And you hope like somebody who you're getting a drink for hits you back with the next round. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they don't sometimes they don't and then it's like oh fuck well you get you just got cut out of the will steel trap up here they don't i've done it too where like if they don't enough times because i'm not spiteful but if it's like

five or six then i'll do it where i'm like all right i'll get around and then i will purposely just not ask them or leave them out straight up yeah i've done that it's a it's society it's a society that buying drinks with other people too so many times i've been like out or like at a show or wherever with somebody who knew i was broke and i'm like checking my phone every you know what i mean like it's about to hit yeah when it hits i swear to god i'm going nuts i swear to what is it two dollar you call it three three you call it i'm going crazy in here midnight at the roost that's one of those ones where like it literally when the paycheck hits you can spend it you're just like all right my card is active and then you're

at the bar it's already past midnight when that drops yeah yeah round of drinks immediately immediately hopefully those overdraft fees don't hit till morning yeah i used to go i'm thinking like back in before smartphone uh before debit cards i used to have to call and listen to my bank balance and it would hit like one in the morning and then i would go write a check at the bar i'd be like dog it is on and i'd write a check and i and then it's like it is it is on is out yeah seriously and i was like tommy jacks two hundred dollars seriously because you get cash back yeah no i feel it there were time with this pick is it's also the quickest way to just suck it all back up dude yeah it's because you weren't ever getting enough to live like i'm

not these aren't like these are two to five hundred dollar checks i'm talking about yeah oh completely but you will spend that too not maybe not the five but you can get the two buying other people drinks pretty quick but i also i also was always of the mind man let me run that two down and i'll just i'll live rough for a week or two you know what i mean yeah true she's like i'll just i'll take the i'll take the one week of feeling normal and then i'll just live hard for three i don't give a shit yeah i am uh i'm reminded of portland's funniest or the the whatever lonnie's contest was that you and i did oh yeah 12 years ago or whatever when because we all got i got fifth place ian got first fifth place was 50 bucks i took it immediately to the bar and i got five shots of tequila for everybody that was in

the contest and hammer didn't do his so nick you might have done hammers actually now that i'm thinking about it and then uh then we went to space room and ian was just like let's spend this money you set the tone i think i bought i spelled bought everybody all the purple aliens they wanted that night yeah and then we were pouring beer in them and heather was like what are you doing and i was like i'm just pouring stuff into stuff i don't have any money you remember the years when comedy money didn't seem real it took like it took like a good two three it took two years of me like going from getting a little bit of comedy money to it being like oh this is real for rent or whatever yeah the first couple years because you're making money different ways

anyways the first couple years you're like this is all this is all this is made up and you money in a bar and you're like cool it's not really funny money yeah yeah no i remember when ian gave us our first ad money and i i was trying to get rid of it so bad we were it was last jagas or conyagus but it was when we all went out for bloodies and the tab came in the morning yeah i tried to pick up breakfast i had all this money i only had it for the walk from the hotel room to the restaurant and i was like let me get it and he's like hold on to it we have just gotten paid it was like we had because like it was the next morning right like it kicked in like i feel

like you get you were like he gave us guys and he's like this is crazy and i remember it vividly because i was like what because we got those asshole bloody marys remember like crab legs and shrimp and shit in them like Like a cheeseburger in it. Sean's like, I got all these. Those asshole Bloody Marys. Those are like $25 Bloody Marys, Sean. And you're about to buy like six of them right now and the next one. Moscow mules and like all that shit.

We got drunk. We got drunk at breakfast. We got drunk before. There's one. That was probably a gym breakfast. Where it's like, oh, I'm a responsible adult. I can get a moscow mule at 8 30 in the morning and then we had jay-z that night or no that was that was kanye no it was jay-z

yeah yeah i was like we got jay-z this night here it is eight in the morning i'd like to be present for the show we styled it out yeah we took it yeah it was yeah we went right back to the room but i remember thinking like i wonder how the day is gonna go awesome yeah it was fine it was pretty good we had fried chicken and caviar and then we saw yeah yeah then we went no we saw jay oh jay yeah you saw you saw jordan farmar i did i did did he act like he knew me that was right yeah you did and then he did yeah where did you see him at was that at the show or is that like we were in line remember we were in line forever yeah but i was i was fucked up so we were in line forever and he walked by and he was like hey farmar what's

and then he was like oh shit what's up zero percent chance and then memphis bleak walked by i tried the same thing i remember bleak i tried the same thing with Memphis Bleak. I remember Bleak. I tried the same thing with Memphis Bleak. It didn't go like that. Oh, my God. It was different. Hey, I'm a real one for trying, though. I had to. Yeah, you are, man.

Time for your second pick, David. Okay. My second pick, ooh, because we are all in the same thing okay all of my motherfucking laundry oh every single piece because so long when i was in san francisco we nobody has washer and dryer and it would be like you are that last four days or something i've had to like i've been stretching it i've been stressed like if they would have let me just go to the laundromat in a towel and then literally washed everything else i owned i would have but so many times it would just be like because that's like that's another one of those things man when you're like broke

broke broke unfortunately that's one thing that like that's expensive you of those things man when you're like broke broke broke unfortunately that's one thing that like that's expensive you know what i mean yeah like when it's really really down to the wire it's like you know i can i can take for me it would be like i can take the bus to go to shows and shit or i can wash all of my clothes you know what i mean yeah you know what's tough though and also like with having all your clothes, is it just makes you feel so bad. I feel like a piece of shit. It's so important to get them cleaned because then you feel, at the base level, you're like, all right, I feel good again about myself. I'm not wearing, like, you know if you've had the same underwear on a few times before you wash it.

It's tough. You can flip it inside. I've washed it in the sink. I've washed it, like, when hopefully, you know, 9 a.m., nobody's up. Let me wash my drawers in the sink there's not a third flip no no no no no no not at all that's what tri-blend is you get that third flip right yeah that's when it's so lean man you're like i've definitely had it where it's just like or back when i had this back when i started traveling to do stand-up oh yeah it was

like all right it's a plane ticket or clean clothes and food. You know what I mean? And then you just hop on that plane, dirty and hungry. Like, all right, I know they're going to pay me after this first show. But, you know, so, yeah. Fucking laundry. Every piece of, oh, my God. I'd walk back off Clement Street and just feel, felt like the million, six million dollar man.

Which, how many million dollars was Lee majors six i think six so i was like the seven million dollar man i felt amazing i like wanted people i remember doing my laundry and wanting people that i knew in the neighborhood to run into me so i could be like oh just doing laundry what do you have to laundry day bro laundry man i do i do the same things that normal people who have money do right man you have the same problem catch me not doing laundry man i'm having i'm doing something else important it's a porch actually but yeah all my laundry is my next oh it's a great pick sean time for your second pick second pick and they'll get a little less real i think

after this but you know they'll get a little more fun but this was just such a word so my second pick is paying back the person i had to borrow 20 bucks from to get me to oh yeah the paycheck and i had some i had some tough ones even when i moved is this hasn't been that long that i haven't been you know stressed and like i remember just before moving to Los Angeles, I had to borrow money from Tori a bunch. Every week, I'd be like, hey, can I get 20 bucks? And every time, I was just like, oh, I did it with Adam a bunch. And I know because it was when I lived with Adam and he sees what I'm doing. And I know he's just you know if you acted a little different you would need to borrow 20 bucks and then you know you you mess around all whatever week and a half and then all

of a sudden that 20 bucks is like no bro i gotta i need food for real i need food and this is i won't mess around for three days because i can't i don't want to die and it just oh it was such a bummer and then getting to pay him back was like here thank you now let's go let's go light this on fire so i can borrow it back in a week and a half especially when you're like did you ever have where you took some money from somebody and then you had to be laying low yeah well yeah you get paid all of a sudden you're standing up straight or your voice is like deeper i remember i remember one time you mean laying low because you were scared no i mean laying low because just

like you just don't money i'm not gonna yeah i'm not gonna be like out you want what do you want you see me getting drunk or something absolutely dude that's yeah i have a few times where i'd like made the choice to do something with that money that i shouldn't have and so i had to i've had to like leave places because they're like hey adam's coming i was like ah shit yeah that's exactly what i'm talking about i remember d i owed uh joey i owed a buddy like 100 a couple hundred bucks and then i lent another buddy like 100 bucks and then right after i did i swear i got a call and joey's like don't you owe me 200 bucks i was like yeah and he goes why are you giving dj money i was like oh he's i don't know man he's hard you know he's hard up like he needed it i knew joey didn't need it at the time but that's not the point the point is

i did owe him money and i'm out here giving money to other people that's a wild one transfer the debt yeah i do that i hate no when people do that you can't people do that and i'm like no no i you get the money how you get it give it to me and then you know anyway that's a whole nother thing but yeah that's out of bounds that's like giving someone who you owe money work well yeah exactly it's like well hey you know jason owes me 50 bucks uh i owe you 50 bucks so you just get it from jason and they're like no he's owed it to you for a month why i'm trying to do that now i gotta explain to him my third party wants that money that he was never gonna give you also when you're broke you have to be

enforcer like that where i like you know a few times i have given people i remember fucking sean p my fucking roommate being like nah man i need you got to give me that 75 bucks today like it's not yeah you don't get to like we don't something's got to get fixed you know what i mean yeah you're like threatening to break shit or whatever oh and i've been on the irresponsible side of it way more than i'd like to admit where it's money given to me or favors give and i'm just like i act like such a child about in it i i hate even thinking about it part of growing up i guess for me but well into my adulthood i would and I felt terrible about it every time. I never felt okay about it,

which I guess is kind of a silver lining. But anyway, sorry to anybody I did that to. Well, look at you now, in a secure economic place, thanks to all of our Patreon members and our listeners. Yes, it's insane. Shout out to y'all. Thank you so much, sincerely. Yeah, seriously.

Nick, time for your second pick. All right, for this one, something I know we all did, all do. You get paid on a Friday, and within about 24 hours, you're about to spend half your paycheck, because on Saturday, you're going to go buy new Jordans. You're buying new sneakers. Saturday, you're going to go buy new Jordans. You're buying new sneakers.

Can I honestly say I've never emptied the bank for sneakers. Not one time in my life. I swear to God. I know it sounds crazy. I swear to God. There were times like I was working like 20 hours a week at the Nike store. So I'm around shoes all the time. And then it's like, oh, I can get these tomorrow because I get them early.

And it's like, well, I have to spend half my paycheck that i just got and i'm gonna be eating like literally pinto beans all week for lunch but yeah look at my feet no that trade-off is real i understand bringing pinto beans and tupperware and you're like yeah but check out the jays though yeah yeah you're not gonna be looking at the tupperware for six hours today that's the one that's most recently impacted my life where i was like hey chill out on the shoes that's the one that's most recently impacted my life where i was like hey chill out on the shoes that's the one this year even it hasn't been like a break the bank thing but i'm like you don't need to you shouldn't be doing that it's irresponsible of you sean i feel like no no no yeah i was gonna say i feel like we're also a weird age where we grew up. It was like glorified for the idea of men having a lot of sneakers.

Like that was like really like, I don't know if it was always like that was like the wavy shit to do with your money. But my whole life, just like the men I thought were cool had hella sneakers. But I don't think I don't feel like it was like that. Like in the seven. I think you hear guys. Yeah. Before wore suits i guess and then all of a sudden sneakers came around and we wore sneakers but even when sneakers first came out you hear just dudes talking about like yeah he had like a pair a couple pairs of converse it wasn't like you know

what i mean it wasn't this like think about juice where this kid who has no job just has like 30 pairs of sneakers and you're like yeah we have no hope nick there were times when i'm like nike should have just kept your money and given you when you were working there when it was just like they should have just given you a few pairs of shoes and then that would have been enough for the paycheck but you but you still did you still have like don't you have like rashids and like shit from that era really yeah i still like i just wore like uh some rashids the other day from like 2007 or so from back when i was working and just incredibly broke and uh sometimes you would hold on to the shoes for a few months just in case uh you needed to sell those back to somebody of course yeah yeah yeah

it was like just having like a little bit of money in the bank but you just had to find a dude that wanted to buy some size 11s you're just not liquid right now you're all tied up in the air force one sheets tied up in laces i can't be you know i'm out here yeah yeah they re-released the glove you think i'm gonna pay rent right now we used to fucking go to the employee store back in the day with like not enough money in the account but you were like at the employee store so you're like i gotta make this worth it so portland that was that was a trap i got caught in a couple times where i'd go with zach and harris and they they would make me feel like a dork if i didn't spend like 200 bucks and i'm like well you gotta bring a couple hundred yeah you never want to go there and get i went

there one time and i just got some socks and they were not excited about the exact Nick. Both were like, dude, I was like, what? I don't want, I don't need any of these,

you know, I don't need any of these shoes. I'm here for friendship. Yeah. I'm here for the coffee. It's like going to a buffet and getting a coffee. It's like, you just look,

it's, it's like, I know sometimes the food isn't good, but you eat it anyway. Exactly. God damn. you just look it's it's like i know sometimes the food isn't good but you eat it anyway exactly god damn i've definitely spent not my last money but like more than half of the money i had my account on sneakers when like that was well that that's never a good thing but like not when i had like you'll be able to eat later you won't be able to get those shoes again yeah they don't do exclusive drops of fucking like winco turkey you know we've all talked about broke math before in our heads but where it's like you see your money and you're like all right these are 150 bucks i have 300 and you're like

five bucks a day easy you convince yourself you're like i can easily eat off five bucks a day and then i'll have 120 by the time next paycheck rolls around and i'm i'm in the green all of a sudden you're like that'll be like i got one and a half paychecks next week if i buy these shoes what you keep telling yourself what do you what is your what's the best pair of shoes you bought while you were fucking broke what's the bet what's like the pair of sneakers where you were like i was right to do that um it was always jordan 11s because they were so hard to come by and then they like they would re-release like the uh like the concords and it was just like i have to have those like no matter what would you ever buy them and then try to resell them it was like harder to resell back when we were doing that

yeah like you had like yeah like without like uh stock x and shit generally i would just sell them to other people i worked with they're like hey do you want these like i can't i i need money right now i can't sustain these shoes you want do you need these mars fours like i can give you them for a good deal damn what were you selling the mars 4s for? I think I sold them. I actually sold them to somebody. I was going to the airport for a trip, and I hit somebody up who lived near the airport and was like, do you want to buy these shoes? I need money for this trip.

I think I was going down to visit Ian when you live in South Central, and I had no money, but I had a plane ticket. Been there, dog. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. I just sold them for like a hundred bucks probably like about what i paid for him because it was like a homie from work so it's like i don't want to like charge him like overcharge him plus he's coming to meet me and give me some money for the trip

we got a big ass burrito on that trip you and my dad were the only you remember that by usc you and you and my dad were the only people who ever saw that house yeah i think uh i think we just hung out on the couch and watched office dvds yeah i think uh i think we just hung out on the couch and watched office dvds like the whole day i don't know we didn't have any money either so what are we gonna do i probably made a spaghetti with hot sauce on it for dinner uh i'm saying put some eggs in there oh sorry nick time for your third pick you know i was gonna save this one because i didn't think anyone was gonna pick it for a free rounds um but since i brought it up buying plane tickets like as soon as that check hits uh like you buy a plane ticket uh your bank account's kind of back

to square one you're broke again dude but you can kind of coast on like the fumes of possibility like i'm going somewhere like in a few weeks or months oh yeah man that is the one of the worst feelings i have is getting on a plane knowing you don't have any money until you're done with the show yeah and and hoping to god that it's no shysty shit that they're gonna pay you what they said they would pay you because sometimes they don't and you're like i'm in i'm in peoria i don't, I need to get, I need the money. Or they're like, all right, so that, you know, you can cash the check on Monday and you're like,

dog, I'm going to need a hundred or something now. Like I need it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh man. Yeah. But yeah, plane tickets are clutch.

That was like, for me, that was the biggest stress in my life for probably three years was plane tickets. Yeah. Because you would have to literally spend money to make money you would have to be like oh tight i know this person i knew in st louis can hook me up with a show for 200 bucks and then another one for 200 bucks oh how am i gonna get to st louis yeah i'll tell you how you're getting to st louis whenever you buy that ticket

you're stopping somewhere that isn't st louis in between your destination and your takeoff you take your ass on the greyhound oh man i've never had to do that i've taken the bolt bus but really just from here to here to bellingham so like six hour bolt bus which is not dank but never a greyhound dog the bolt bus is a french villa compared to the fucking greyhound i've had to spend the night outside of the greyhound station never in a good neighborhood done it three times seattle vegas and oh maybe just twice or denver too nick you were always good about traveling even when we didn't have any money you were always able to like get trips in even when we were all like fucking broke which is we i guess i i guess we all did but like we mostly did it for stand-up but i remember you

went to like europe like yeah so um the europe one like i got a cheap ticket because my dad worked for uh the airline at the time so i paid like yeah 275 bucks for a ticket to europe but then when i got to europe because i'm terrible at saving money i had no money like i mean very little money like um i remember the last day i was there i overdrew my checking account buying a big and tasty meal in amsterdam like on my way to the airport and it's like well i'm hungry i still have money and i didn't do the conversion right so like i i got on that plane like negative negative dollars that's the way to fucking leave europe though with a having yeah leave it all behind man leave it on the court a 40 big and tasty once the overdraft fees are factored in i just spent that whole trip like

eating like baguettes and cheese like i could barely afford to go to a restaurant i did eat it like burger kings in barcelona and shit it's like i got coupons like i can just walk around looking for the right burger king to take some that's dope though that's dope that you did it like you still a lot of people wouldn't you know what i mean yeah because you still got the memory which is like sure and here you sit you know you're doing this outside of a train station. It was kind of sketchy. My man. It's tough. My mom always, my mom looks back and she always regrets that she never traveled.

And when I would, you know, when I would go places with no money, she would always tell me, it's like, save your money. And I'm like, I don't know, you're bummed that you didn't, right? And she's like, yeah, yes, but. And you could see where she's like, yes, you got me there, but also you need to save your money you shouldn't just go because you feel like going to san diego and i'm like i'm gonna go

though i'm sorry yeah i mean you know not that i think it was the right decision but i don't think this is true in every case but no platitude is but they say you you never regret spending money on experiences yeah i mean i mean i i can't think of a time any of it back that yeah that i regret it's all uh you know you i guess it matters where you end up like if i was destitute i would think like wow i wish i had some of those trips back so i could i should stop how money works right it's not like it's not like that 200 you saved was gonna make it so you're not on the streets now yeah you know what i mean yeah i'm glad you went to san diego thanks bro me too every day at disneyland dude you were addicted four hundred dollars a day what are you

doing i'm here to i'm here to ride the matterhorn again sir spending money on experiences here's 130 dollars i'll be quick uh sean time for your third pick third pick when that paycheck hits and this goes back to when you actually had to cash them was just having the cash in your hand that's it just having the cash in my hand and feeling really good about myself knowing that i had hundreds of dollars because for a while it in like in between bank accounts and stuff for like whatever you would i would have to cash my checks and just get the cash and like you know back in the day pay that goddamn fee yeah another poor people's tax man yeah like just but just having it in your hand and being like damn that's a grip of cash and then whatever you disperse it you pay what you got to pay or whatever but just having it

for a minute and realizing that you made some money and you feel good about yourself you got money in your pocket like david said earlier just a great feeling just having it for a minute and realizing that you made some money and you feel good about yourself you got money in your pocket like david said earlier just a great feeling just having it you ever do that thing where you would be like i'm the only guy on this bus with six hundred dollars oh yeah yeah i never said it out loud though because then somebody else would be saying it real quick no i never said it out loud but in my head just like i bet you these i could i could buy 10 of those big macs right now if i wanted i used to go to the bank and cash those checks in person because i wanted the person working at the bank to look me in the eye and see that i had 400 you know what i mean

i wanted someone else to know i remember i remember being so like going to do that and i know what my balance is and i they'd be like, let me get all that. And they'd look at me like, yeah. And I'm knowing I got like 10 cents in my account. And they're like, and I'm like, yeah, give me all of it. I want all of it. I'll keep the 10 cents in there because you're lucky. But I want all that cash. You're welcome to the interest you make off my 10 cents. I'll be holding that. I'd even done it where I went back and deposited some money a week later. I honestly was just like, I'm going gonna have this at home for a while if i want it it's just there if i want it and then i just went and put it back in the bank having cash it made me

nervous if i had all my money in cash yeah i didn't get nervous in sioux falls i didn't i wasn't it wasn't like that it was pretty i wasn't worried about getting robbed. I was just worried about like falling out of my pocket or like, Oh, I've never. Dude, that could happen, man. I, I, I said, I was at the train this one time and this guy, you could tell he was like wearing a work uniform and he dropped his, you could tell he just cashed his shit and he dropped it all on the ground. And then I went and I was like down bad.

One of the best things I think I've ever done in my life. I was like, because I picked it up and I was really like, it was just like, yo, I could like, this is like probably a couple thousand bucks. I could be good for a couple months. I gave it back to him and he looked at me and he counted it. Oh, come on. I was so hot, dude. Oh, my. I remember. If you're short 100 what's he gonna do like yeah yeah and i and and it was like i was in den i was it was just one of those trips where

like no money i i had had to pay a bunch of money to even like i was i was just so down and out it was like bro i would have killed you for this you're so lucky that i thought you know what i mean yeah count it on the train dude what the fuck that's so yeah i was so i was so hot yeah like if he was missing something he was gonna be like where's the rest bro imagine that you'd be like well that was the problem that was the problem is i was really like back to the wall where like when you started counting it i just like you just go to that place in your head where you're like yeah ask me if i took some yeah we'll see how much we'll see how much i walk away with yeah man we could both get we could but we could both the lion fights the lion one of them's dying you know

what i'm saying we could both like i'm willing i'm willing to risk it all man i gave it to you oof it's so fucking dirty yeah it was a bummer. Yeah. We are halfway through the fix. And also, he was 200 short. You should have kept 200. Did you keep 200? No, I'm kidding. No, I'm kidding. Well, we're going to keep it 100, folks.

You know what I mean? I don't know if you guys have heard that slang before. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right?

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because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word-for-word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now,

you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash allfantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply and we're back david bory time for your third pick oh my third pick is going to okay oh damn this is like uh okay i can get that in the fourth. My third pick is going to be buying hot, unpackaged food. Oh! Just like so many times I'd be waiting for it to hit because it's been like, man, I've been eating ramen or like, I mean, I think I talked about it on the podcast. My roommate in San Francisco used to work at a bagel shop.

So we would eat, I would live on like, and then we bought like, at the restaurant supply store we'd buy like the biggest thing of butter you could so it'd be like sometimes it'd be like i've been eating these day-old bagels for two three days and like there was like an economy to it so like all the cheese and jalapeno ones would get taken first of course and then like only the brokest people had to eat like the cinnamon raisins and shit so i'd be like i'd be like yo i've been on these cinnamon raisins for three days give me this money i'm gonna go wherever wherever i can get hot unpackaged food right now you know what's funny is when you don't have hot on but when you like when you do just have day old sitting there and you're starving how good

they can taste not not in a not if like day after day after day but like if there's just a day where you don't have any food in the house and you you're hungry enough and you're like damn this is a good bagel with nothing on it and you know it's not but it can taste great yeah man that's the true power of sauce yes dude that's hot that's hot sauce for days 100 but i would i still who my i still do but i like i'll get a piece of bread and just mustard on it and i'll just eat it and it's good it's fine you know yeah when i was living in south central and i was like among my brokus that's what i was eating a lot of like spaghetti because it was the cheapest thing possible and then i had like the biggest bottle like a costco-ass bottle

of like frank's red hot or other hot sauce, like the cheapest, biggest hot sauce. And I would pour that on the spaghetti with that like drywall-ass Parmesan. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh. That crumbly Parmesan? That's a meal, though. That's a good meal.

That's almost pizza. That sounds good. I was going to say, that's noodle pizza, dude. That's all that is. Basically pizza. It was delicious. I've had meals at good restaurants that didn't taste as good as that. Yeah, man.

No, that's real. For sure. David, was there a specific hot unpackaged food you would go for, like a go-to food? DNA Wings Cafe. The Wings at DNA Cafe on 6th and Clement, or I would get a mozzarella

hot link crepe from Genki crepes on clement or burger king because if it was like late because sometimes it'd be really late you want it your way but yeah those dna those dna because it was just it was also like that was right across the street from the open mic we almost always did and it was like to me it always felt like the richest people would be at the open mic and be like i'm gonna go get some wings and i'm like okay daddy warbucks yeah oh you're just gonna go get some wings and then come back here so like yeah i remember that shit like going uh at the open mics and i in portland i always had a job like a like an actual call center job but i also had like real the biggest bills i'd

ever had so i didn't have any money and people would do that in between shows or before the show they'd want to go eat and i'm like i'm just fine killing time here instead of there like i don't need a burrito in my hand to let time pass you know i can eat the shit i got at the crib when i get back to the crib that was always my my thought. Ian and I would go get coffee. That was where I'd be like, sure, let's go get coffee. That's a good way to kill time. But I never needed to go get like a $12 tacos or something, you know? I didn't want to be that laden down with food when I was doing it.

For the first like five years I did stand up, I would never eat before a set. Oh, no. I still don't like to. Oh, yeah, same. It feels weird when you go in heavy i was in appleton wisconsin with augie smith and they have a restaurant attached to the club and he went and he got lamb stroganoff in between the friday shows so at 10 o'clock at night he's eating a full portion of lamb stroganoff and i'm like dog you're gonna be your blood's gonna be like red

google minutes you know it's gonna be stop traffic and he and he right before he goes up he's like yeah you were right man i'm tired okay go do an hour in front of these was the restaurant in eight in the year 800 england it's one of those like it's got e in it you know one of those yeah yeah it's an old like nordic nordic wisconsin ass restaurant but yeah cheese platters and yeah that was too i was like you could get yeah you could get a burger you don't have to get lamb stroganoff like you know like your granddaughter just graduated college yeah yeah dude and lamb what do you know anyway time for my third pick with my third pick i'm

gonna do a modified version of not modified but it's kind of like nick's sneaker pick but it's a little it's i'm gonna spend a little less money and i'm taking that money to hit my account i'm going to the mall and i'm walking to a store four letters limitless possibilities i'm going to lids yeah dude yeah yeah yeah yeah man you just decide you're like how do i want to look yeah because that's what you can pull off you can pull that off for 30 bucks you know yeah you can get out of there with a whole new attitude for 30 though because you have all right i mean my clothes were all going to stay the same. All of my clothes that I had were something I could wear with a hat. There wasn't, you know what I mean?

It was all hoodies and cargo shorts that my mom got me from Costco and basketball shorts and other hoodies. The hat was the cherry, dude. The hat was what made the cupcake want to get eaten. But a hat could turn that into an outfit all of a sudden. The hat and the sneakers could turn like whatever into an outfit. And if you went in there and you got like like a new blazer hat

or a fucking pittsburgh pirates hat or like a camouflage you always had always had a brooklyn dodgers hat and it would just go in there and it's a fucking attitude adjustment you know it's just like i remember when i tried to get the i got a camo hat without running it by any of my friends and then i tried to show up like it wasn't no thing like i was a camo guy and they were just like what the fuck did you what's that and i was like it's a camo hat bro and they're like they're like you're a camo hat guy now and i'm like yeah it's a tc hat and they're like yeah but it's camo dude you it's a you're a camo guy now it was i tried to pull it off like one of those things where you're just like you know they know big deal it was a big

deal i probably have like one baseball hat now but i used to be so against anything that wasn't an official team hat i had a period like that too like where i just for some reason i did i only wanted to like on the field game yeah i don't even like baseball bro like and no and and nobody Where I just, for some reason, I only wanted the on-the-field game hat. Yeah. I don't even like baseball, bro. And nobody cares that you're wearing a Mets alternate right now. The tough part about lids, I dare you to not leave with two. You're basically losing money if you don't get that second one for half off. They're always trying to upsell.

They make it so affordable, that second hat. Did you guys ever go in there tandem and be like all right we'll each spend the equivalent of three-fourths of one hat we'll both walk out with a hat yeah that was yeah yeah yeah we're each gonna spend 26 bucks yeah did you get some college teams just based on statistics one of us from lids yesterday no oh was it a mask fight no there was a somebody posted it on Instagram. There's the Vancouver mall, the Lidge there. Somebody pulled a gun on someone.

Whoa. God. And there's just like cell phone footage of like someone standing in the front door of Lidge, just pointing a gun out like at security guards and shit. Oh, that's scary. That's the mall we watched Mortal Kombat at. That's where we went to Mortal Kombat. Yeah.

Just right by Mortal Kombat. That mall, not great customer service there. I'll tell you. I haven't been to a mall like that for a minute. It's like you walk into that mall and you're like, ooh, it's not sketchy, but it's not not. The pandemic was over in that mall. Yeah, it definitely was.

It was like a time warp like when you walk into a mall you should generally feel at ease and you did not feel at ease in the vancouver mall no at all like not even a little bit the lid was off so i took uh lids and now for my fourth pick i'm gonna take i mentioned it briefly earlier but i'm it's just it's just buying groceries it's like oh yeah it's like bringing food home that you don't intend to eat right away it makes you feel so good about yourself yeah that's it that's an amazing like yeah because you'll be on a people where you're like i i like i need to go spend a hundred dollars at the grocery store but i don't have a hundred dollars so it ends up actually like being less

economically sound because you're like eating hot pockets from the fucking plaid pantry or like whatever it is and it makes less sense yeah where they're always like a buck more than they would be if you got them at winco but you can't go to winco but once you finally go to winco and you just leave with that fucking shopping cart those like turkeys that were like they're attached together like nunchucks those two big fucking things a turkey oh man maybe some oral wheat bread yeah wait well you almost feel like they you weren't supposed to like they're just gonna let me get yeah yeah you're like all this stuff at once you're gonna let me buy 24 chicken thighs at once um And you're just going to let me walk out of here. All right.

I got a, I got a Foreman grill at home. I don't have a restaurant license though. Just so you know. Yeah. There's no liquor license, but I'll get this big bottle. I used to get like,

I'd get, they always advertising always gets me. Like I get colorful pop tarts, stuff like that. And then I get back to the crib and I'd be like, I'm going to eat a little bit of everything. And I just open up all the new shit. oh yeah you feel like fucking you i don't know it just feels amazing you feel like a fucking like a sultan when you get back from the grocery

store that's one of the most adult feelings for when you're a broke you know young adult and then you you actually put groceries in your shelves in your cupboards and you're like cool now i can open it and there's options it's not you wake up and you don't know it's not i have to eat this tonight it's like i can choose between a few things tonight oh yeah the fridge was probably the least used accessory in many of my apartments as a young man carrie bradshaw's oven and sex in the city like we just kept sneakers in there. It was for that. Oh, you mean the beer closet?

Yeah. There might be some cheese in there. I would scrimp on certain things so I could get the Tillamook cheese. Oh. There you go. To this day, I don't think there's a food I've eaten more than a quesadilla I made in the microwave that's like Tillamook or whatever cheddar cheese two tortillas covered in sriracha oh yeah and i ate there's nothing i've eaten more in my life than that microwave quesadillas that's a restaurant that's a restaurant meal that's for sure tortillas oh my god getting

the big bag of tortillas i was late to the game on that obviously because i'm still full i'm in the second half right now but i yeah i didn't get those ever when i was younger to the game on that obviously because i'm still full i'm in the second half right now but i yeah i didn't get those ever when i was younger and then i think when i moved more la honestly is when i like i was like tortillas really with anything to me i had a roommate one time and he would always get tortillas a can of refried beans and a bunch of shredded cheese oh i did and he would just make bean and cheese burritos with hot sauce all the time and like that one is that got me through some hard times too i used to do that those those will get old as an adult i could have also just bought like some vegetables but you know yeah but they don't do it they don't make you feel good

about the beans are more important than the i need i need to go far on this you ever think about if like if we had been the kind of people who like went to a great school and graduated in three and a half years and then got a great job but then lived the lifestyles we were living we don't think those things go hand in hand they wouldn't but if we if we somehow could we'd be millionaires each one of us would be fucking millionaires. Because we're like, yeah, I spend $5 a week. I make $280,000 a year. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right?

Right? Like, how much money did I spend this month? Well, I took the train instead of the bus, so $60. I spent $60 this whole month. That's a number, if offered, I wouldn't want to see see it i'd rather know the day i was going to die before i'd rather see the money that i've spent on things i shouldn't have spent it on in my life like the total that that'd be tough that'd be a tough one don't it's also it's also systemic sean like yeah yeah yeah you don't have to feel bad about it uh you don't have to feel bad about it

but what you do have to do is listen to david's fourth pick my fourth pick is one man straight out of the fuck boy playbook it's so it's so shitty it's so shitty but as soon as that dough hits text the girl you've been talking to oh yeah yeah yeah because it's like when you don't have any money you know what i mean you gotta like no i don't want to go out i'm not working on my craft at night i can't just go get fucking three dollar beers with you and then you get that and then that that money hits them like yeah we can get a couple packs yeah hey man come on you know what's cooler than the bar though drinking them in the park because then we could get like 12 the whole city's our bar yeah the bus is our bar all those bozos talking at the bar we don't even need to we can just hide

them in the park you know it'll be fine then we can go to the bar after we're drunk yeah well we could say that we're gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna be like well we're already in your neighborhood uh yeah no but that one was yeah so many times i mean not as many times as i would have liked but yeah yeah a lot of times like you're ducking and duck because it's just you gotta be a lot hotter than i was at 24 to have literally no money today yeah you know what i mean i knew some guys who made it work and they were they were banging so beautiful they i'm not they weren't just banging it was just like heavy hangers you know what i mean like you gotta have you gotta have something worth something to all the bells and whistles

yeah i did not have i didn't have bells nor whistles i had a kazoo but when it got turned on lover boy's back in the game you were playing pony on the kazoo yeah yeah i was playing pony on the touch tunes i'm a millionaire i'm just a bachelor yeah but yeah hitting up hitting up your crush when you get that money when that paycheck hits absolutely uh sean time for your fourth pick this goes back to early when the paycheck hit stays but it was getting a new cd that was always that was always pretty clutch because it was before streaming or anything uh and you just the cd book in your car was like a point of you could brag about it it was like your resume yeah like a point of pride where someone hops in the whip and they're like you felt better if you could hand them over like 50 cds to go through and so yeah i would always

and sometimes i had to get Adam, I was with Adam, I remember specifically, I had to get my replacement doggy style tape, tape. And I walked into disc jockey and got it. And the dude, something, he said something, he's like, dog, like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, man, old one, the tape, the player ate it. And he's like, oh man, you got to have it in the car. Like he just was like, I'm right there with you. You got to have a replacement. But yeah, like I, i used to pride myself on just like i had the exit wound soundtrack i thought i was dang because i had that that is like that is a wild that's not what i thought you were gonna say i remember i bought the flaming lip cd and i was i was like oh this will get people because

they ain't up on flaming lips like i'm up on flaming lips it's like yeah they are i had nick for some reason i think you had this too the oz soundtrack yeah life behind the walls kareem that's my dog oh is that from the oz soundtrack yeah yo i never knew that i never saw oz but the soundtrack looked good so i picked it up at like sam goody or camelot or whichever lloyd center record store was around at the time never saw an episode listen i saw oz on one of those free hbo weekends when i was too young be glad that shit i still am i can't watch it now people have been like watch oz and i'm like oh no no i saw it when i was 11 and it's i didn't i didn't even know that it was really really awful because one of just fun parts.

Oh, go ahead. I was just going to say, like, I'd get money around that time. And like, you don't have any expenses. You don't have any bills. So you would just go and buy CDs, just like random like rap CDs that you had never listened to. And it's like, oh, totally into Yuck Mouth now. I don't know.

It was like a grab bag. I would hear a song in a skate video like one song by one person like exhibit for example i heard paparazzi and i was like well i'm gonna go get this guy's whole album and it was like uh it was like a fortune cookie yeah that was the first exhibit song you heard i think so it was in cairo foster's part in four in one paparazzi and then there was the other one foundation that was in lavar mcbride's part. Rock the spot, the foundation. Anyway, I bought the exhibit CD based off that. And I didn't love it, but there were some songs on there that I liked.

And that was most albums where you'd know a song or two. And then like Snoop, God, such a fun... When I bought Doggystyle the first time, and I heard... Because you knew What's My Name, Gin and Juice, and you're like, okay, that's all it took for me to get it. I didn wait for like doggy dog world and all that but you listened to it and i was like this whole thing cover to cover this is what i didn't even know there was gonna be skits yeah i was like this is me this is me for the next 30 plus years right here i can tell paparazzi was a different song than i thought that makes way more sense

yeah um i thought paparazzi was like a late late life exhibit song oh you ain't got the juice dude oh the juice is loose you got the juice now carmel anyway um yeah man getting uh getting something to knock to in the slab all right dad getting something to knock to getting something to knock to in the slab. You heard? What's up, Juice? What's Juice got to say about all this? He hates you, dude. A little bit.

Nothing. The Juice. David, going back to something you were saying, your CD book was like your resume. I kind of missed that. Yeah. It was like how people knew what you were about. Yeah.

iTunes or Spotify. It doesn't count because I can have anything. I wouldn't have probably had a Celine Dion CD, but I have listened to it recently on Spotify. So it's not a fair gauge anymore. Your CD book was something curated. You spent money on all of it. It was like you did unless you were stealing them. Whatever. You got all the music somehow. You got yeah and they were in there and you could let people

know i used to man i used to be so stoked on like these underground hip-hop cds i had that were burned that you couldn't get oh when someone stole all my shit that's one thing i was so upset about because i was like damn it i can't can't get those anymore it was like a thing to put it in be like you have not heard this is like a this is like an idea concert that was never released that somebody bootlegged you know like this is better now i guess you know i guess it just is because you can hear whatever but like i don't know i feel like i appreciated music more when i had to like when i was like i'm gonna listen to this whole charisma and peter butter peanut butter wolf cd yeah dude yeah that's what i was gonna say it's like the music industry like it was like it put that value on it you know what i mean when you had i remember the visor it would be like my myspace top eight where

i'm like these are the cds that are the most accessible i can just pick them out of the visor and then the other ones in the book i don't listen to a ton but they're there if you need to hear them but like yeah i got the chronic doggy style all eyes on me those are always going to be up top if i know what i hated though you'd get in somebody's car and they'd pad the book with uh dvds oh What band is that? What a heavy influence of Arcade Fire. What Dreams May Come. Sean, I think you mentioned Doggy Style five times.

It was a real important album. Nick, time for your fourth and then your final picks. The fifth round, we'll do a speed round. But your fourth pick all right my fourth pick um most of mine are taken we all have the same taste apparently when we're broke uh so i'm running down the list here i mean there's not a lot of tastes available like i was i was real broke for a while i didn't have a car for a long time like in my 20s um so when that paycheck hits and you can all of a sudden afford cab fare to get back from the bar that night because otherwise you were walking 40 blocks home like through like southeast portland that one feels so decade that is amazing that wasn't even on my list that's amazing that's

such a good pick do you remember how hard it was to get a cab when bars closed back in the day in portland it was impossible it was impossible hours i would stand outside of bars hours really yeah hours i blew off radio cab once when i called them and they wouldn't take my calls for like two years it was the same guy godway cab which was way shittier his radio was the same guy four dudes yeah yeah so when i worked at this medical dispatch or medical transportation in portland like uh six years ago or something it was that guy and so i would do this thing because it was before lifting uber so i would work and then i'd get off and i'd

try to call these fools and they would recognize my voice. So it was a little bit easier because they were like, you're the guy that works for dispatch. And I'd be like, I am. Get the fucking cab here. But before that, this guy, he would act like you just woke him up all the time. He'd be like, radio cab.

You're like, bro, isn't this what you do? Are you not expecting calls at two in the morning on a Saturday? I mean, if it's for them though, they probably do work like nonstop 20 hours shift. it did take forever it was intense and then people would snag your cabs i mean never happened to me because i was probably the asshole snagging people's cabs but it was a thing that happened oh that's cold like if you weren't if you weren't out there you had your back turned or something like i'm about to pass out on the street i'm taking whoever's cab just pulled up right there oh when you finally get in you finally get in the cab and you just feel that feeling of like cool

i'll be home in 15 minutes you start thinking about going to the bathroom eating then you can plan your night out where you're like oh thank god because before that it was pouring and you were like i'm not gonna be home for an hour and a half and i'll be soaked yeah god that long walk walking home in the rain drunk when you're broke just like hiding out in the bus stop hoping it stops and you know it never will yeah because you're in oregon that walk home when you don't want to walk where you're like and you just lumber home you know where your shoulders are about a foot ahead of your feet the whole walk, and you're all flat-footed, stomping. Like pre-iPod days, too. Like, I didn't even have an iPod, and I'm just like, all right, cool.

Yeah. Man, I used to party on Haight Street a lot, and then, like, to walk home from my— if I waited until right after last call, I have to walk through the park at night. Ooh. Oh, so sketchy. You could just feel people looking at you every time yeah or you'd hear the bushes rustle and be like man is this the night excellent pick nick and then your final pick speed round speed round um i only had to do this like

once maybe twice uh but when you get paid and you get to go get your playstation back from the pawn shop so you can play video game again because you pawned it so you could buy alcohol oh man it was a decision you know one hand washes the other with rum 20s were a wild time yes they were dude frat pawned his we want he was sitting there at the crib and he was like he goes you want uh 40s and taco bell or what and i was like i do but how was that gonna happen he's like how do we pawn my we i was like it's your we i will reap the benefits if you want to do that so we pawned it got two 40s and a ton of taco bell wow uh sean uh listen to first of the month the first one yeah yeah that was something i always

did with adam it was real fun just listen to first of the month and be like i just got paid this is tight excellent david new toiletries body wash oh soap all that stuff that's a great pick uh my final pick i'm going to get something to go with your burrito so you get the burrito let me get the chips and guac let me get the chips and guac let me get a little quesadilla or let me get a street like a street taco let me get something to go with it the burrito was always a mainstay i'm gonna get that burrito but i'm feeling like a fucking rockefeller let me get a little something to go with a gigantic soda let me do that let me get a five dollar soda fresco or whatever they were called what's the

yeah might as well be might as well be champagne i don't lay ole with the bull statue in front of it right across the street on the ash the ash house oh my god that God. That's a great pick. Yeah, I know. Man. A burrito and something? And something else? Yeah, I'm a crypto king. Yes. Yes, I have my fingers in many pots.

Yes. Yeah. Did I get a chicken burrito and a beef quesadilla? I did. Two different animals died for this. Marissa, do you have a when the paycheck hits pick? Two different animals died for this. Marissa, do you have a when the paycheck hits pick?

Yeah, I would spend it on microtransactions for my MMORPG. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. That was Sean's next pick. Yeah, that was right there. To recap, nickname pay, you went first. You took getting a haircut, new sneakers, plane tickets, cab fare, and getting your PlayStation out

of hock at the pawn shop. Sean, you went second. You took filling up the gas tank, paying back the person you had to borrow money from, just having cash, just holding greenbacks, getting a new CD, and then listening to first of the month. David, you went third. You took turning your phone back on, getting all of your laundry done eating hot unpackaged food texting a girl who you've been uh flirting with and then new toiletries behind all of it

i went last i took getting enough weed buying other people drinks hitting up lids buying groceries and then getting something to go with your burrito. Dude, we sound like scum bags. The only pick that isn't a scum bag pick is buying other people drinks. I don't agree with that at all. You sound like survivors. These are all still good things. I still like all these things.

I'm going to get my PlayStation out of hock after this. If you want to hear your picks, hit us up at All fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon shout out to everyone on the afe shaslackity shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit mega shout out to saint sue carmel i love you mama i'll see you soon uh we all love you we all we're all here love you and uh i mean what else what else shout out to maxine the baby yeah shout out to maxine the baby shout out max

daddy be up there to change your poop and to say it's so crazy that i have a daughter upstairs i just man it's wild it's wild she's not in the basement yeah so i think she's upstairs the rat's watching her. No, that rat don't come around anymore, man. No, I found a possum and splayed its head in the backyard, so that rat knows what's up. Oh, damn, dude. All right.

It's real. Yeah, I'm out here. Shout out to that possum. Shout out to Frankie. You get a daughter, dude, you'll start doing some stuff. Kill him possum. Yeah, man. Shout out to Possum Murder. Shout out to Sid the Dude.

Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast