All Fantasy Everything - Worst Things To Be Famous For (w/ Laura Peek, Zak Toscani, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

I wouldn't want to be famous for writing podcast captions.Episode Guest:Laura Peek @laurapeek_ (IG: @laurapeekcomedy)Zak Toscani @zak_toscani (IG: @zaktoscani)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Maryland at McGooey's November 3rd and 4th. I will be in Vancouver, British Columbia, November 30th through December 2nd at the House of Comedy with Sean Jordan. I will be in Austin, Texas at the Vulcan Gas Company, December 8th and 9th. I will be in New York City, January 4th at the City Winery, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, January 5th at City Winery, and Boston, Massachusetts on January 6th, also at City Winery. And then finally in Portland, Oregon, March 23rd at Revolution Hall, big blowout show, special guests, me doing an hour as I get prepared to record and release for the first time in a decade, a new album and a new special. So check that out. In addition to that, you can now pre-order my book, T-Shirt Swim Club. It's a book about growing up fat, being fat, people's relationship to fat,

getting a little bit less fat, getting fat again, all of those things. It's me writing it from a comedic perspective and a memoir perspective. And then my little sister writing from the perspective of a clinical psychologist about all of those things. You can get that anywhere you can pre-order books. It's out in June, but you can pre-order it now. Pre-ordering really, really helps. You can get it at bookshop.org, Powell's, Barnes & Noble, Amazon if you want to shop there, any of those places. Pre-order it now, please. It's going to be a fantastic book. I know it's a fantastic book. You're really going to like it. And pre-orders, again, really help. All right, enough out of me. Let's get to the episode.

This is all fantasy everything. The podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting things that you would hate. I should have prepared that. Things that you would hate to be

famous for, things that would suck to be famous. What's the exact term? Like, worst things to be famous for? Things that would suck to be famous? Like, worst things to be famous for. Worst things to be famous for, like I said the first time. Our guest today is the fantastic comedian Laura Peek, and also we're joined by our good friend, stand-up comedian, damn near tennis pro, Zach Toscani. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, is that scurrilous, no good Nick, Sean Jordan. David Borey, currently in an underground lair, miles beneath the jungles of Bolivia.

Hiding. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that just came up with a jaunty new song. It's a jaunty new song. Jaunty. How do you like that? Jaunty indeed. Felt good for everybody, I think.

I like it, man. I like what you're doing. I think that felt good for everybody. I'd like to assume it felt good for everybody. Yeah. Grapefruit talking? That's a great, I just had a big old ruby red grapefruit for all the listeners at home. Low on the glycemic index.

Yeah, I know. I do that. Yeah, we all know that. Exactly. You knew that. I knew that. Oh, definitely. And especially when you put it in your teeth and smiled.

It was a great way to start off. It's a brilliant way to greet the day with a grapefruit. I'm hoping my debut album can reach the top 10 on the glycemic index. I'm top 10 on the glycemic index. I'm tanking on the glycemic index. Dude, all you got to do is get a good write up in JD power and associates, and you will get to the top of the glycemic index.

King makers. Yeah. King makers. It was really big of JD to, to seed all that power to the associates. John David and power. it's yeah. John, Jonathan, David power. And his associates. John David. So it's yeah. John,

Jonathan, David power. And the power of three. State of comedian. James Davis is the JD power. He doesn't like people to know that, but that is him. Oh my God. That'd be funny.

The, that we, we used to do plugs up front, Laura, like I used to do dates and everything, but now we save it for after the commercial break. And now I just don't know what to do at the top of the podcast. And we're chit-chatting.

We're eating grapefruits. We're having grapefruits. We're chilling. Zach, what is this art that you're sitting in front of? I know this is terrible for a podcast. No, so I'm at my sister's house, and that's a painting I painted of my sister back in 2009. Did you really?

Yeah, pre-comedy. I was just finding outlets. And I think that one is my mom. Well, that looks like a house plant. So like you painted your mom. Your sister looks like your sister, but your mom does look like a vase with a flower in it.

We're drafting today. I think it's a wonderful topic things that you would hate to be famous for yeah lord this was your idea it was what was the impetus of this idea i think it's a wonderful topic well can i talk about the idea that never was yes which we're gonna do the next time you're on the podcast okay can we really we really? We have to save it. Okay, but I texted... We could damn near do it off top, but that'd be crazy. I mean, we could throw a few just as a little sexy little intro

for the listeners. But the idea that I had last night when I was a little high was the funniest things you could say while chewing a piece of gum really hard. Actually, double Jeopardy. They can't try you twice. Damn it.

I meant to be chewing gum for this. It would also be very fun because we would all be chewing gum. We don't have to get like big. Oh, I got one. I got one. I got one. Right.

Yeah, I was supposed to be on that plane. I'm going to deal with it. You're just quoting things that Mark Wahlberg said? Probably wouldn't happen if I was on there. No, that's a ground squirrel. Laura's mom told us, I was like, that's a wasp. And she's like, she told me what kind of wasp. I was like, okay, all right.

Oh, that's incredible. Okay, I always forget that your name, your wife's name is Laura. I was like, I don't believe that That's incredible. I always forget that your wife's name is Laura. I was like, I don't believe that you know. The two of you are married. Stop calling my mom, Sean. No, yeah. I didn't see your text. It's real fast.

Or you're like, yes, you did. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. I lost the thread. What? The riff wave threw me off. He was going back to gum. I didn't hear your text. Oh, I see.

It's hard to act like you're chewing gum when you're not. Are you pretending to chew gum? Are you pretending to chew gum? Are you pretending to chew gum for a minute? No, definitely not. No? It's not hard. Here, I'll show you how to do it.

I did the groundlings, so you guys will know. I know. Okay, okay. I did the groundlings. Okay, here. This is the secret to doing fake gum. You do it really long. You're like at the store picking out the gum that you're going to buy.

It's long form. It's a herald. Safely will be closing in 10 minutes. Oh, no. That only leaves me 10 minutes to get this gum. Oh, no. John Mayer looking for some gum. That's another way. Oh, closing in 10 minutes, huh? We'll see about that.

I guess you're locking me in. That's what they say. Have you ever seen footage? Oh, go ahead, please. I was going to say, she got custody. Of course she did. We're at the bar. It is a very divorced father energy.

He's talking about chewing gum. No, you guys all share the same room now. It's cool. A buddy of mine's dad, he passed. Rest in peace. But he, so. May you rest in peace. He, years after we were chill.

So we're like, I'm in my mid twenties. He's like, you know, we're not kids anymore. He comes up to me and he's like, fell on some hard times. And I, he might've been chewing gum, but he came up and I was bartending. He's like, you want to go talk to girls with me? Talk to girls? No. No, I don't. girls no I don't no I don't bud he just walks up he's like I'm going to be honest with you I'm in a

really hard place right now yeah that's when you slow down when the gum stops I'm in tune honestly that's kind of the sweetest way that you can say a pretty gross thing you want to go talk to girls and that's kind of I mean he wasn't even the least

amount of weirdness that vibe could be is what he was doing. He might have been throwing you a vine. You don't know what vibe you were putting up. Yeah, I wasn't really killing it. This kid needs my help. Guidance. Oh, oh.

Here, I'll show you what the housing market's going to do. Blowing a bubble. Oh, and then you pop the bubble. Holy buckets. That's next level. Gum all over your face. Yeah, those interest rates are going to drop. When we do it, we're all going to have to be chewing gum,

and that's going to be a rough episode. It's going to be so great. I think half of your listeners would absolutely hate it. You don't think Isaac will be chewing gum? Isaac will be chewing gum right along with us. I'm already doing it. I'm already doing it in preparation. Hell yeah, Isaac. That dentine ice, dude.

I'm going to get that big leechu. That DUI for sure, gum. Those kids, they'd leave whatever bar and they'd get the dentine polar aggressive and you're like, just get tropical or something. The cop's going to smell the car. It smells like a fucking bathhouse. And they'll be like, well, get out. Obviously

you were drinking. You know what commercials worked on me was those like five gum. This is what it feels like to see five gum. He'd be like laying on a bunch of beads and then a speaker would play and he'd be like, they're like, that's five gum. Or they'd be like laying on a bunch of beads and then a speaker would play and he'd be like, that's five gum. Or they'd be like over one of those like

indoor skydiving things. I remember it was just a man free falling. Lily Wachowski directed gum commercials. That was at high times in this country. Oh, yeah. What's your favorite gum brand, boys? Great question. I like whoever makes that cotton candy gum.

Bubble Yum? Yeah, Bubblicious. Oh, my God. I haven't had that in forever. I think it's Bubble Yum, maybe. Yeah. But that one's really great. I like that.

This would be a good draft. If I'm like an everyday, if I'm like just by everyday, what am I out there in the world doing? You know what's not bad is the Mentos gum. Oh. Yeah. It's not like overpowering, you know what's not bad is the mentos gum oh yeah it's not like overpowering you know yeah if you want to be a responsible gum owner you'll get the give it locked up responsible gum owner i like big red too gum control oh yeah people don't

chew big red anymore i love big red you ever eat Big Red and then drink Big Red? Wait, what's Big Red as a drink? It's a red cream soda. Oh, I've never had that. I think it's, you can get it at White Castle's. Waffle House. Waffle House, probably too. What is that? There's that, what is that?

Cheer wine? Cheer wine. I love cheer wine. Oh my God. I tried that for the first time the other day. I am glad I didn't know that existed when I was younger. Is that out here? Is that on the West Coast?

I always knew it as being from the Southeast. You would get it everywhere. There's a little boutique, hipster, overly expensive grocery store in my neighborhood, and they sell tiny, tiny cans of it. Oh, I love that. Yeah, I haven't had Cheerwine in forever. If you want wine and eggs in Atwater Village, it has like time in all the cans.

I'll go. Fruit Stripe gum with the little zebra on it. That's my favorite. That's what I was going to say. That's what I was going to say. I love that shit. I loved it when I was a kid.

It loses its flavor in about 24 seconds. Like that. It's like the mayfly of chewing gum. As soon as you get another piece unwrapped, it's already gone.

That's why I got a whole pack. I ain't buying Lucy's. I'm getting the whole pack. Whoa. You ever put the whole pack. Whoa. You ever put the whole thing in your mouth? No. Or take a bite out of it like a burger. Unwrap all the pieces and eat the last centimeter of each one. That's fun.

Cut it with a knife and stick a fork all the way through. That's a fun idea. We're pretty much doing a gum draft. This is tight. I'm sorry to get a sew on gum when it's not the topic. Shout out to Big League Chew, though. Oh, yeah. Oregon, right?

You just told me that. Oh, yeah. When we were driving up to the Washougal in an Audi TT with the top down. Oh, yeah. That sounds fun. Oh, yeah. We were poised to be murdered

when we stopped at this backwoods gas station until like five teenagers walked in after us. And I was like, well, now they're going to get murdered. Not us. You just got to be faster than the guy behind you kind of thing. Yeah, they're all like, hey, we're just renting a cabin in the woods. And you're like, oh, okay, great. We're off. It looked

like cabin in the woods when they were walking. Or not. It looked like cabin fever. The crew, they're walking in. I'm like, oh, man, this is actually out of a movie. We're just going swimming. So that's less murderable. It's not a murderable offense. We are gathering here today, not only to talk about our favorite gums. I did a little burp, but I kept it in my mouth, so it didn't show up on the podcast.

You know when you... Okay, I've been thinking about this. I would rather have somebody belt into my face than do the thing where they like you like fill your mouth all the way up and then... Yeah. You're farting. That's a fart. You know what I mean? That is fully a fart. It's an oral fart. Absolutely.

You're absolutely correct. And they do that weird... They breathe it out all weird too. It's usually like... It's got the face behind it. Like somehow the sound waves also got stuck in their mouth like yeah that's not how it works it's it's like a primary source you definitely are like oh you had you had grilled onions tonight didn't you you can you had grilled vidalia onions tonight like you can get you said you ran out of those sweet Maui onions. Roger.

Walla Wallas. Now we've covered all the sweet onions. Ooh. I love a Walla Walla. Also good. Pacific Northwest. Onions suck. Sean Sweet Onion? Is there a Midwestern Sweet Onion?

Yeah, the Corn Palace, dude. Is Vidalia sweet? Did we say that already? I think it is, yeah. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. Ian's like, I said it already. I opened with Vidalia Onions.

I said that already. I said that already. God. Yeah, he's like that. I'm surly. I really like that. He's surly. I'm churlish.

Oh, I want a fun adjective. We're good at it. We have a whole list of them. What was one from last last week untoward you could be untoward i'm untoward boorish boorish boorish oh that's a fun one rakish what is rakish i don't even know what that means rakish is a little more positive rakish is like mischievous oh we're saying not ne'er do well but do well you're do well maybe I'm a do well air do well

I always do well you always do it I like that but air do wells aside we're talking more about the ne'er do wells because what we are fantasy drafting is things you would hate to be famous for

now the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. And let's play between the three of you. And we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Damn. Even though we cut

his paper, he wins. I'm inverted. Unnatural victory. Two in a row inverted two in a row for uh for calzacula thank you uh as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that it will remind you it is a serpentine draft now what the frick is that that's a great question it's how i like imagine i like to imagine a cartoon character building a brick wall you start start on the very bottom. You lay bricks left to right, and then you stack one brick up. You're doing this very fast.

One brick up, and then go all the way to the left. One brick up, all the way to the right. One brick up, all the way to the left until you have a gigantic wall. Kind of like Wreck-It Ralph, and then Ralph comes and breaks it. So that's how I imagine Fix-It Felix building a brick wall. What a handy bit of Imagineering you just did there. That was original. That was fresh. That was fresh.

It really jumped up my ass for the last one, so I had to... You were doing repeats of repeats, man. How many episodes are we on? We're on 340 or something? Have you had a new one every time? No. No, I probably had 200 at least.

250, I bet. Last week, he was just... You have quite a few original ones. Yeah, mostly original, I would say. I appreciate that. Last week, you were like mowing a lawn. You haven't done that one three times. No, I know. I know. I was shook. You had a bunch of kids in another room.

You're like, think of more! It's a writer's strike. You gotta be able to find something. This is bullshit come on man yeah I'm pretty I'm pretty different this is the sparring in the gym I don't want you going on the real world

with that kind of you know dreck like this is this is where it happens they're gonna tear you apart yeah they're gonna tear you apart limb from limb

no I shan't trust me when I say I shan't then I then I then I will hold you to that shantitude Zach yep basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round over five rounds now with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be i'm gonna pick the order that i see it in my zoom screen so that will be sean zach laura ian

hot corner now i'm putting Sean on the hot seat. Sean's on the hot seat, which means we're going to get to Sean's first pick and the things you would not want to be famous for. All Fantasy, Everything Fantasy Draft, right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy, Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35.

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Listen, if Yinz heard about another podcast, Yinz was wrong. That was us. That was us. That was the only one. Yinz know what it is. Whether you're fitting the pipe or you're fixing the fitter pipe, All Fantasy Everything is the only podcast for you. I like how Sean was a New York guy who went to

Pittsburgh once. I can do deep Scandinavian accents and that's the only thing I can accurately. Yeah, I'd like to hear that. Well, we're going to, if you've ever heard of another podcast, you're wrong. This is the only one to ever exist.

This is it. This is the only one that's ever been out there. I'm telling you, no, you might not believe it. If you want to give it a listen, you can listen on Apple Podcasts or you can go to Spotify or no, or you don't need to do either. That's fine. You like some goulash? That's how they do, man. They set you up. People in the Midwest, they're just,

it sounds like I'm doing stand-up, but I was just home and they'd be like, you want to go grab a drink or no? And you're like, just don't give me a way out before I even, you know, they're so polite. They're so insecure about it. They're like, I bet you don't want to do this. That's straight up.

It's so fun to think about people who are like really, really, good sneeze. And you totally covered that mic. I didn't hear a second of it. I just heard you say yes. And I was like, what's up? Yes. I've been waiting to sneeze since we started this episode. It's been like sitting there killing me. But it was so good. I didn't even hear it. I just heard you say yes and I was like, what's a yes? I've been waiting to sneeze. I mean, since we started this episode,

it's been like sitting there killing me. But it was so good. I didn't even hear it. Yeah. I like to think about people with those accents be like a really bad guy

who has that accent, you know, and I'm like a terrible dude because it is, it sounds like he's never done anything wrong in his life. Yeah. Okay.

So we're going to poison the water supply there. We put a heavy dose of hallucinogenics there. We're going to drive the population crazy and then sort of take over the radio station and make it sound like we're being invaded

by Al Qaeda there. We're hoping it's just going to make people tear each other limb from limb. We're going to the Capitol, you bet. We'll be there with bells on. Oh, yeah. Well, they lock the door, but we don't care

so much. Go to the Capitol or no? So we're going to the Capitol. Hey, you think we should... Oh, that went into Southern. i can't no that's okay no that's okay then i don't need to talk no okay so uh yin's gonna come over and

then we're gonna see there they went to pittsburgh too yeah one the one time for god's sake uh sean jordan we're back from our break our brief our brief advertising break and it's time for you to draft the thing for which you would least like to be famous. Being a teacher and boning one of my students. Oh, real. It would suck. It would suck so bad. I watched that whole show that Kate Morrow was in.

I can't remember the name of the shows on Hulu, but it was about. The Mary Kay Letourneau story? It wasn't her. It was a newer one. I cannot remember the name of the show. It was on Hulu. But it was about... The Mary Kay Letourneau story? It wasn't her. It was a newer one. I cannot remember her name. But there's scenarios where you're like... I don't know. She was like 20.

She wasn't. She was older. But if you're 22 and the kid's 18 or something, there's just no good way to do it. But it'd just be insane if you were famous for that. I just feel like you're never getting rid of that. You know, it's just not going anywhere. And like, it'd be unfortunately so much harder for a woman in that position than like any,

I'm sure there's guys that we'll never hear about that have done it. That it'd just be. Oh, yeah. I think it's like five guys in every high school. I think it's like a lot. I swear to God, my 20th century American history teacher was doing it. You could see him. He'd like walk up and like tickle this, you know, the little side zap that you used to do when you flirted with someone.

He'd do it. And I'm like, bro, you were in class. I found out a couple of years after high school that one of our math, I just won't get specific at all, that one of the teachers was a dude was, yeah, stoping one of the students. Wild! And he was not 22. Yeah, I find it's probably mostly not that, unless you get into college, which still, like, it's

yeah. Well, and when it's women, it's such a big story because so many people are like, fuck yeah! It's like so horrifying. That's what that whole series was about, where all these kids' friends are like, what? He's just like so horrifying. That's what that whole series was about where all these kids' friends are like, what? He's just like, he's like, yeah, I'm in love with her though. And then got, you know, it's tangled web.

But yeah, I just, that would be intensity, intense cities, my friend, live at Budokai. That would not be dank. There was a kid in our high school that it happened. So I showed up like sophomore year, but it happened in middle school to him. And I think his was crazy because yeah everyone was

like dude that had to rule that was so awesome and then he quietly told me at a party once he was like no like her kids started calling me dad and stuff like it was and he's a middle schooler so you're like oh this is very traumatic wait the kids started calling him dad when he was a middle schooler what So you're like, oh, this is very traumatic. Wait, the kids started calling him dad

when he was a middle schooler? What was he doing around? Because they hooked up in her car and her toddler was in the back seat. Oh my God. I'm sorry to take us to such a dark place on the Oregon Trail. What situation?

Cincinnati, Ohio, man. Yeah, the natty, baby. That's just called Friday. Yeah, it'd just be a nightmare. I just can't even. Oh, also the husband of the teacher was his football coach in high school.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. Absolutely ruin your life yeah that's when you're like oh a lot of two days for me

right now that's all he does is like hey now I know what happened and uh you're gonna you're gonna

take a lap water is for kids who don't fuck my wife just so you know every time it happens moving forward you just earned yourself another lap

coffees coffees for the non-closers. Okay? Stop closing so much stuff. No steak knives for you, bud. No Cadillac. So you're the reason my wife was happy for a while, huh? Oh, fuck.

Yeah, that'd just be a bummer. Gnarly. That'd be a good one. Gnarly sauce on that. And Sean, you would hate for that to be you. Even though you did have sex when you were 13.

Yeah, with a 13-year-old. God, it used to be in the bit, but there was because people would ask how old I was and I was like, there's no age that makes it sound any better than what it is. Yeah, but she was also 13? She was. Great.

I mean, it's early, but hey. Isaac, just go ahead and isolate that. Send it to me privately. So she was 13? No,

she was 13. Oh man. A mashup. Isaac, put Sandstorm by Darude behind you. She was just 13 she's 13 the amount I listened to Sandstorm by Darude

as a 13 year old really would have led you to believe I listened to a lot more techno at my current age I had that song in that Walkman believe I listen to a lot more techno at my current age. I had that song in that Walkman before I went to volleyball practice, and I was killing. I was the most athletic I've ever been.

That song is like a performance enhancing drug. That was on the pre-football rotation big time. I don't know what song we're talking about. Give me an accurate. Oh, come on. You absolutely know. I know what you're talking about. Give me an accurate. Oh, come on. You absolutely know. I know what you're talking about. Yeah.

I never heard the name, I guess. Or the band. No, it's not even a band. They actually found a sandstorm and just recorded it. That's what they sound like. That's what the inside of a sandstorm is. Right in the middle of them. The eye of the sandstorm.

Zach Toscani, for what would you least like to be famous? I'm going to say I would like to not be famous for being a religious pastor or a pastor. Like an evangelist. It never goes right. You're just sitting on things that can probably multiple things that will expose you. You have to live a life outwardly that you definitely don't agree with. And you just have to, it's mostly keeping up the facade,

which would be really hard. That'd be the, and then people want to talk to you about religion. That's it's all. I mean, anyway, you slice it. You're like,

I just don't want to do this. The outfits would be good. Yeah. I you slice it you're like i just don't want to do this the outfits would be good yeah i mean if you're like they're big pluses yeah at one point you're gonna hit the wall where where you're like do i whenever it catches up to you and you you know need to get religious for real we're like man i've really been fucking people over for a long time that's a lot of forgiveness that would be you know at some point it would get real scary. Right. And you have no pivot. You've already done the now I'm religious thing. So you can't do that again.

You know what I mean? Like people go to prison and they're like, oh no, but now he's religious. He won't kill someone. But you're like, he was religious when he went in. So he's like, oh no, now I really found God. Actually though. Sorry guys, I didn't mean it before. I really found him this time. It. Sorry, guys. I didn't mean it before. Yeah, yeah. I really found him this time.

It was actually the devil that I was talking to before, and now that I have met him, I know what an angel is. I kind of feel like that would work. I kind of think you could just reboot the whole thing. Yeah, I was like, I'll let him go. I poured over the Old Testament and found myself more in touch with the original teachings of Jesus. It was that lousy Saul of Tarsus who misled me.

His teachings, which diverged from Jesus' original teachings so much. And now I'm following a truly Nazarene doctrine. What does the guy that owns a deli in Tarsus have anything to do with this? Saul of Tarsus, a.k.a. Paul of Tarsus. You know what I mean? He converted to Paul from Saul. Paulie of Tarsus. Yeah, Paulie. Saul's a whole different guy. I'm Paul. Yeah.

Nah, Saul was Jewish. I'm not. Yeah, so essentially I was religious, but it turned out to be a Beelzebub, and then there was a Beelzebub. He tricked me. Hey, this Beelzebub tricked me, I said. I said, wait a minute, are you a Beelzebub He tricked me Hey this Beelzebub tricked me I said I said wait a minute are you a Beelzebub And he said you got me

Oh I gotta tell you like I'm a cop or something And then if it goes really wrong As a religious leader You have to watch the documentary they make about you Yeah Isaac just DM'd me a fact like I didn't just say it on this He said Saul was his Hebrew name Paul Paul was his Roman name. I just said that, Isaac. I'm sorry. I was typing

this out while you were saying it. I just said that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just thought it was funny because most people don't know that. It is true. His name was Saul of Tarsus and then Paul he changed it to. I don't even know what you're talking about. I've never heard any of those words together. Oh wait, he had two names. Never mind, I didn't know

that and I apologize for yelling at you. I thought he changed his name. I thought he changed his name. He didn't change his name. He just has two names. Saul in Hebrew and Paul in Roman? Yeah. And then he retired at Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Sao Paulo. Sao Paulo? Sao Paulo. Never heard of Tarsus. I don't know Tarsus. TJ Lavin and Sean Jordan's Denim Expo live from Sao Paulo, Brazil. That's such a good accent.

I don't know. I feel like if I did get... If I was a pastor, I'd have to go because, you know, big, big crazy suits, that's been done. I feel like distressed clothing, that's been done. You know, where it's like God's ripping through my jeans. That's been done. I feel like distressed clothing, that's been done. Where it's like God's ripping through my jeans.

So I don't know. Maybe I go back to robes. Like old robes. You have a Christ-like appearance in general. You can put on anything. That's what I was going to say. You go full circle, you go back to robes. That's a great little uniform to have. All it has is a head hole.

I don't have to think about it. Yeah. Steve Jobs style. It breathes. But you're going to wear Air Maxes. But it's like, yeah, but it's like a tech robe. So it has like a zipper where I could put my iPad. Yeah.

You got it off Mac Weldon. Like a utilikilt. Like a utilikilt. Like an off-white robe. Engineer quotes on the back. It says engineered by God on the side. That's probably what the pastor at Justin Bieber's church is wearing right now. Oh, definitely. I'm wearing distressed cowboy boots under mine.

I like that look. Yeah. Are you kind of like an outlaw preacher? Yeah, I'm two-stepping on my nights off. Yeah, there's no holes in those boots. You're like, no, the alligator was distressed. Killed it. The alligator was a heathen, so I treated it as such.

I'd go 1980s chic. I'd go big pinstripe suit, gelled hair, big cell on, talking to God on a big cell phone. Oh, yeah. One second. You have props. He says you were forgiven. I'm preaching a doctrine where the 1980s

were truly the peak of Christianity. Now, folks, I'm going to hammer this in. Okay? I think I'd go tattoo religious guy. Like hold the skateboard behind my head like I'm carrying the cross. I'm covered with tattoos, but I'm really nice. Are the tattoos pre-being born again? Or are they like a little bit of both?

Or did you get them after? And you can tell which ones are which. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's definitely like an Uzi on my side, but then I turned that into like a cross somehow. It's a water gun shooting holy water. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just a little prayer bullets at all the Heathens that I now have tattooed on my tummy. There's an old devil with a very new X over it. That would be tight. Yeah. That's a sick tattoo just in general i got 69 tattooed on my arm and then i'd change it to like 3 colon 69 oh there you go whatever whatever book that is just assuming no one's gonna know neither of thou shalt come i think it's9. Both of thou shalt laugh the whole time. What book is that?

And you're like, it's the one I'm writing. The best book, bro, the book of life. The book of life, the chapter. How does anybody enjoy this? This is a trilogy, brother. It's time for the third book. Laura, it's time for your first pick. Okay, so I want to talk about how I thought about this Yes

I thought about them in terms of like Things that would be crazy to be Famous for Or terrible to be famous for But then also People who are Famous for terrible things Can we pull from both?

Absolutely Sure Yeah Because the first one That I want to do Is Howard Dean's 2004 campaign. Oh, yeah.

Come on. The worst thing, the funniest thing anyone's ever been famous for. I Googled him today because I was thinking about it. And there is no information about his politics. There's no information about his platform. There are no photos or videos of him doing anything other than the BIA. And he was like Barack Obama. I mean, obviously he was white, but like there was that.

I was a freshman in college, but I remember there being like that kind of energy around. Yeah. Such momentum. Yeah. Everyone loved him. Yeah. I am not a political juggernaut, even though I look as such. I have no idea what

you're talking about oh my god and i have to admit that openly because i've made that deal with myself a long time ago if i don't know something i just have to admit it so that's how you learn let me in how and why don't you go ahead okay uh he was a uh he was like a 2004 right yeah in 2003 2004 okay he was the governor from vermont uh but he was like a senator. Right? Yeah, in 2003, 2004. Okay, he was the governor from Vermont. But he was like a Democratic front, like not front runner, but kind of like the hot boy in the 2003 caucuses.

A lot of people call me the Democratic hot boy, so it hurts to hear this. I do call you that when I'm talking about you to people. I call you a fascist piece of shit behind your back. Damn. I don't. I would never do that when I'm talking about you to people. I call you a fascist piece of shit behind your back. Damn. I don't. I would never do that.

I love you. Was it Iowa? One of my favorite people on the planet. Where he did that? Was it one of the first ones? Yeah, it was either Iowa or New Hampshire. And he was on stage. He gave this big stirring speech.

And people were cheering, losing their minds. He felt it. He was feeling it. And he was like, and then! He was like, we're mind felt it he was feeling it and he's like and then he's like we're gonna go to i think he was like we're gonna go to vermont we're gonna go to south dakota we're gonna go to oregon and then we're going all the way to the white house yeah it's ringing a bell yeah i think there was like a chapelle joke about it at the time or something yeah i think he did he bleeded like a Chappelle joke about it at the time or something. Yeah, I think he did. He bleeded like a goat.

Like he was just like, and it was just, it's what people call like the ick now, right? Where it just gave everybody the ick. It gave the country a sort of political ick about him. And like, I don't, I mean, sometimes there's like rising stars who just fall off in politics anyway, but this seemed tied completely to his weird yell. Yeah. Yeah. You never lost more in your life for the short amount of time. What is that?

A second and a half of his life? Yeah. Yes. Overshadowed everything else he's ever done. And truly never reentered electoral politics. Right. Like it destroyed his entire life. You could have done like John Edwards is over there

cheating on his wife who's dying and he's fine seemingly. But you go, you go, one over, get out of here. Here's the exact states he mentioned. Not only are you going to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin, we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota, Sean. I'm sorry.

God, what a prick. New Mexico. And then we're going to California and Texas and New York. And we're going to South Dakota. There he goes. Take him a long road. And Oregon. It's a snake mingle.

And Washington and Michigan. They're going to D.C. to take back the White House. B-Y-A-H. B-Y-A-H. It's B-E-Y-A-H-H-H-H-H-H. Oh, that would be terrible. And then every now and then you'd see him on MSNBC and even the pundits would be like, shut up.

Yeah. You never see it where it's the moment of triumph that is the downfall. Yeah. Because he was just riding it too high. It wasn't like, oh, this is coming off the rails. It was like in the moment where you're like, I am going to be the president. Boom. Yes.

Over. Incredibly, incredibly energetic audience. Like they were the reason he did it is because of the feedback he was getting from the crowd like it was like raucous applause everybody was like howard dean's my guy and then you could after the fact everybody made fun of him but i went and re-watched you saw the energy in the room go wait no no no no no no no someone was in the porta potty and they come back and they're like Howard Dean right and everyone's like we don't do that anymore

I'd rather have what you just did in the porta potty be president it's like he got shot it's the noise you would make if you got shot he should have made up a lie like oh my god ow a big yellow jacket just stabbed me if you got shot. He should have made up a lie. Like, oh my God. Ow.

Ow. Oh, man. A big yellow jacket just stabbed me. Uh-huh. My disc. My L6. Mitch McConnell, he just stares off. Man.

Maybe when I'm president, we can fix my Tourette's. Huh? Huh? First on the agenda. Time for my first and second picks, as it is a serpentine draft, and I'm going for it. Laura, I'm going to take a play from your playbook then I'm going to take one of my

ideas I have but I'm going to tie it to a real person okay cool again it's much like Howard Dean it's somebody who did something very important and like good but his name is Dr. Burrill Bernard Krohn and he's the discoverer of Crohn's disease.

Oh no. And this is what we know him for is for a, is for like a, it hurts. It hurts to poop disease. Hey, you're the poop bummer guy, right?

You're the poop bummer guy. And he's like, bummer plumber. It's wonderful. He's the bummer plumber. It's amazing that he he helped discover it and identify it and help the people of this terrible affliction get the help they

so deservedly need and deserve. But he's the poop doctor. He's the butt poop doctor, the indigestion doctor. His kids are also the crones, and they have to be like, hey, are you the... Their roommate at Dartmouth have to be like, hey, are you the...

You know, their roommate at Dartmouth has to be like, it's a Crone. Is your dad the diarrhea guy or what? Right. Sick butt guy? Is he the sick butt guy? Also, if you're a gal, the last name Crone to begin with is pretty unfortunate. Also bad. An old crone.

How does it only work where the bad stuff gets named after the person, but they never called like the polio vaccine like the sulk shot. Right. Getting sulky with it? Wasn't there a minute with the COVID vaccine where they were trying to name it? I guess the companies

had it named after them. The Fauci Ouchie, you mean? The Fauci-ouchie, yeah. I have really recently, my fiance told me about the Fauci-ouchie like a week and a half ago. I was like, why'd you let me sleep on this first? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. It's the best. Fauci-ouchie. I mean, say what you want. Rhyming and alliteration is funny. It just is. It always gets me. It gets me in these jokes. I love it. Yeah, they should have let Dr. Krohn pick his nemesis' name to name it.

Like, Barry Atwater disease, or whatever. What do you want to name this disease? Beth. Lying bitch. Take the kids see if I care he knows what she did not only do you get

custody of the kids you get custody of this fucking gastrointestinal inflammation disease too man did he did he have it

no prone I don't think he had it just just yeah he doesn't deserve that oh weird for real

no he's just a gastroenterologist. And he made the first major advance to identify the disease that now bears his name. He had a long career as both a clinician and as a researcher who contributed to modern understanding of many gastrointestinal conditions. But he's got the poop disease.

He lived to 99. Wow. Yeah. Think about it with like, you know, there's like building community around people that have certain diseases and like a refrain all the time is like, fuck breast cancer or whatever. And this is like, fuck Crohn's. Fuck Crohn's.

I wish I could just eliminate Crohn's from my life. I kicked Crohn's ass. What? What did I do? I kicked Crohn's ass. What? What did I do? I tried to help you people. For this? For this? This is what I get?

For helping you? He was Jewish. I'm not. I'm Jewish, by the way. We're Jewish. So I can do that voice. We're Jewish. Dr. Crohn and I are Jewish. So I can do that. and he probably didn't have it. We're Jewish. Dr. Krohn and I are Jewish.

So I can do that. He told me. He said it was cool. Yeah, Krohn. Krohn's disease. Now I'm gonna go to something that didn't happen to my dog. Well, it has happened, but I think it would be terrible to be famous for killing the last of a species.

Oh, God. Like if you killed the last dodo bird or you know tigers are on their way out that's okay god that's good that's getting there like there's a there's a world possibly where like max's kid maybe doesn't know what a type never saw a tiger you know it's wild dude there there was a time in in humanity when that would have been the main goal tigers everywhere you know what i mean if we could just wipe it much like chrome's disease they're like if we could just wipe out these tigers a tiger killed four of my kids yeah four of my kids i gotta fucking like deal with these fucking they have tiger awareness like bands and they have like tiger awareness fundraisers and stuff we just gotta we're gonna get rid of one

day zero tigers and now we're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait. You need a couple. I don't know if it's customary to say this, but I had that on me, being a big game hunter. Or having a photo of you with a

nearly extinct animal and you're like a billionaire. And you're like, look, I killed a black rhino. Wait, which one is that? Aren't there any of black or white? Which I killed that one. And I'm going to go kill the other one. So I'm just checking.

It's happened. There was like footage of the, speaking of tigers, this was not an actual tiger, but the Tasmanian tiger, which was like, there's footage of it from like the late 1800s or early 1900s, like video of it from like the late 1800s or early 1900s like video of it it was the last one and like you could be the guy who was like poking it with a stick through a cage and accidentally killed it and now you're the person who killed the last tasmanian tiger it's in play you didn't give that tiger crone's disease medication did you now this is gonna sound crazy if we're down to our last one does that mean we're basically at zero or is there a way to make more if you have one left it's a good question well it would never be because you

have to mate it with something else so then you need a mating pair right yeah but can they do i mean i don't know man science bro you seen you seen an ipad lately they can do some wild shit so hey we're cloning a girlfriend for you all right just? Just hang in there. I'm going to impregnate you with this eye mask. Could she be a model? No. She's going to be gross. Crones. You're going to give her crones?

Yeah. We're going to weaken you down a little bit. And it helps her personality if she suffers a little bit. Well, yeah. That'd be intense. Hot girls have groans. Have you seen the billboard? You'll make your partner no big deal, bud.

It's kind of sexy if somebody's got a tummy ache, isn't it? Kind of a sexy thing. You get to help them. You can just help them nurse their tummy back. It's good, you know. I don't like that. I didn't like the vocal fry in your voice talking about a tummy ache

oh my tummy hurts oh god my tummy hurts no no we're going to stop that right now time for Laura's second pick second pick and I just do one right we do it like okay okay okay

I'm having trouble choosing which one I want to do I think I want to do right your perfect example you're right I'm going to do and I don't know that I would say any of these people are famous like I couldn't name any of them but like early

2000s like insane internet sex videos like oh yeah two girls one cup lemon party mr hands dub girl i never saw the two girls one cup and these it would never explain it to me you know david wouldn't it is i don't want to know right it's it's absolutely brutal and don't watch it just go read a description of it. It's unbelievable. But it's like, I probably could, if I saw them, could potentially recognize those people. And that's upsetting. That'd be a hard one to go over. Like, excuse me.

I'm so sorry. Me and my wife were talking. I didn't recognize you. One of the girls. I didn't recognize you until you picked up that cup. You'd have to give... Are you still friends with the other girl? Do you guys keep in touch?

You guys keep in touch? She died shortly after. Oh, maybe. So, stomach thing? She got pink eye of the entire body? Okay, I understand. She got fired. She had Crohn's.

You know, you got to be able to perform on camera. Sean, it involves caca, poopoo-poo in a cup. You understand what I'm saying? I'm starting to get what it was when you said pink eye. I know what pink eye does. Caca-poo-poo. It's, yeah, shit in a cup. Unbelievably gross. But I was, there was just that era where it was like,

that was all people talked about as far as viral internet went, was just like the grossest shit that was online. Everything you just named, I have seen and I know. I know like all the references. Mr. Hands. I haven't seen any of them.

Oh my God. Are any of them calm enough to like actually describe or I should just check them out? Lemon Party's not bad. I should just read about them. Lemon Party's fine. Lemon Party is really,

you know what I was thinking about this? That's just ageism. Yeah. Lemon Party's ageism. It's just like an older person orgy, which let them have their fun. That's not gross. They had those on TV when I was a kid and it was called Real Sex.

Was it all older people? They had 70-year-olds having them. That's awesome. That one then is a good thing to be famous for. That's on the opposite end. And if you recognize someone now from Lemon Party back then, you're like, hey, good on you for sticking around.

Yeah, what's your regimen? What's your secret? Somebody's eating heart healthy. You still out there honking on old dudes or what? Or is that over now? Honking on old bobos? Are you all out there honking on old bobos? I'm heart healthy, you know? Heart healthy.

Mr. Hands was sex with a horse. A guy named Kenneth Pinion. That one. Was it fatal or was it near fatal? I believe he died. I believe he died. And that is one where it's like, I know that guy's name. I think a lot of people know his name. I remember a video.

It was in that vein. I remember there was one that was going around for a video. It was in that vein. I remember there was one that was going around for a while. It was called Mr. Sean. Yeah. South Dakota's answer to Mr. Ham. There was a dog. There was like a German shepherd. Oh, you bet. That's like

back in the day when we'd go to Rotten where you're like, what are you... What were we doing? I will not give any, but it's like back in the day when we'd go to Rotten where you're like, what are you? What were we doing? And I will not give any, but it's like cheese and rice. There'd be like 15 dudes in a room and be like, just so stupid. If we all watch it together, only some of the trauma gets on you. It's got to spread. It was just wild that it was available.

That was the thing. It's so brand new. You can go see this? wild that it was available. That was the thing. It's so brand new. You can go see this? Well, I think about young people now have so much more stuff on the internet. Are they getting

stuck with these horrifying, life-altering or is there a modern version of this list of things? I feel like since it's more accessible now, things have calmed down and people... I know you can probably find anything you want because it's so accessible, but I think they're blowing up less because of the same

thing. So people are like, I can see just sex if I want. Exactly. Which is all you ever wanted to see. That's an optimistic new father thing. There was regular porn on the internet when we were looking at Mr. Hand and London Party and all that. It's not unavailable. I'm bringing Max up in a good world.

They did the normal porn first, and then they were like, alright, let's load this other stuff on there. It's an optimistic new father thing. I think there's a weird teenage impulse. I think there's a couple kids who just like it and want to see it.

Yes. And then everyone else is like, I can't believe this is available. And to be fair, it didn't hit as hard when I was... Now it would have a damaging effect on my psyche if I watched some of that stuff. And back then it else is like I can't believe this is available and to be fair it didn't hit as hard when I was now it would have like a damaging effect on my psyche if I watched some of that stuff and back then it was just like whoa crazy just washes over you yeah I think you're right well it probably informed so much more than I think it did yeah I know I was like

yeah no everybody does nine shots of liquor when they're yeah well plus it must have been oh sorry go on no please please I was gonna say it would be tricky if you know you're in that room full of people and they're like, oh, this is gross. And you're like, yeah, it is. What was that URL? One more time.

Send it to me so I can gross out my enemies. I'm definitely not feeling some things for the first time. Definitely not. Ew. Right? Ew. Ew. Right? Right? Ew, right? Right?

The big look around. Yeah. There's one other guy in the room you're looking at. Yeah. If you do find yourself looking at those images, you might need to go see a famous pastor like Zach Toscani. What else would you hate to be famous for, my friend? Ooh, you know, this one's going to be,

it's recent. I would not want to be famous for clogging a toilet on a plane and not allowing that plane to fly. Yeah. That happen? Yeah. Dude.

Oh my gosh. Who gets on and has to- Diarrhea spewing out of a Delta flight. I think it was Delta. Right away, like before it takes off. Yeah, they were like, we're not- Right? I think. I think they were in the air. I think they turned Delta. Right away, like before it takes off? Yeah, they were like, we're not... Right? I think? I think they were in the air. I think they turned it around. Oh, no.

And it was on its way to like Europe. It was going to like Italy or something from Atlanta. Because you know, everyone on that flight knows who you are. Oh, you can't hide that. No. There was a, I don't know if you've seen it, but I had heard the story and I was like,

that's got to be quite a mess, right? For it to be like, we're turning, this is like a biohazard, we're turning it around. And then I saw a picture and I was like, he might have died. Like that was not like a, I ate McDonald's before I got on the plane and like kind of had to shit. It was like, he has Ebola. It was like everything came out of his body. Was it everywhere? Was it like on the walk everywhere?

All up and down the aisle and in his seat and in the bathroom. Whoa. Sean, have you ever seen a picture of an anaconda that died swallowing an alligator? Like when Neo hops into Agent Smith at the end of The Matrix? Yeah, exactly. Explodes everywhere. Have you ever? I mean, I've had diarrhea

where I was like, this is happening. Uh-huh. Yeah. For sure. And like, can you imagine if that hit while the plane was taking off?

I guess I could see how that could happen. What a terrible place to be. I don't know, man. I think I would probably just sit and fully unload my pants and not move the whole time. The force of the,

like, it would have to be so, like, just airtight. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, no gas could get through. I've never had it happen where I had no inkling whatsoever that it was going to happen. And then in seconds it happened. Like, if it's that bad, I bet there was a few minutes at least where you're like, God, I hope this doesn't happen.

But if I was on a plane, I think I would just kind of – because they don't actually do anything to you if you get up on the seatbelt lights on. But if while the plane is taking off, you know what I mean? In like four minutes. Yeah. I think – I really think that they would see the look on your face. Maybe I'm out of pocket but i think they'd be like it has to happen or i'm gonna shit all over the plane all given those two options all the flight attendants just walk up to your seat and surround it and they just box you

in like sir stay here shit your pants have you ever had to do i recently was on a flight and had been drinking heavily. And it was the first time that I was like, I'm going to puke on an airplane. I'd, I'd never done that. I've always figured it out. Hangover wise to where I haven't had to do it. And we were taking off like taxiing and I just shot out of my seat and I was like, it's either going in my lap and on the people around me, or I'm going to make it it to the bathroom but it was like a situation where three or four flight attendants are pounding on the door and I'm like clearly this was an emergency like clearly I really had to get something done yeah it's like what is what is truly gonna happen to you if you shoot up out

of your seat but I guess what happened is he probably waited until the last possible moment when he's being told that he has to keep his seat. And then the moment that he's like, I can't do this anymore. He stands up and, and we got to think about his age too. Cause I think you do lose your ability to hold on. The clench. And then you move.

You don't think a movement's going to do something. It does. And then your body, cause your body does. We think we control our bodies, but we don't, they control us. To make this thematic, he could have had

Crohn's. He could have. Oh, yeah. A lot of shit based. He's 99. He's Dr. Crohn. Let him go. Yeah, no, that would be rough. I invented Crohn's. Everyone's staring at you. Everyone's staring at you at the next

gate and you're like, I don't have any more. I can't they had to land they had to make an emergency landing they had to turn around and go back to atlanta and the people who were always reading about this day the people who were on the plane were like remarkably chill or the people they took statements from were like yeah i mean that was insane no one was going to sit on that flight with that and apparently a cleanup crew came in cleaned that plane top to bottom and replaced the carpet in that plane within five hours.

And the people that got, they got back on their flight and got flying within five hours. And the people that were on the flight was like, that was the cleanest flight I've ever been on. We had a lovely trip to Italy or wherever. Oh my God. They were really chill. I've had longer delays for not poop.

Just for like, they couldn't find a flight attendant. Seriously. On the second flight, everyone comes and shakes your hand like, you actually did a big service for us today. Yeah, they're like, hey, I got a flight to New Zealand next April. Would you mind coming on and blowing up that plane for us? Yeah, yeah. What was it?

Two Chipotle burritos? What do you need? Champion problems. I know complaining about flying, but I was coming back the other day and we were like, it was warm on the plane just because it's hot on the plane sometimes. And we were sitting on the runway and a woman flagged over the flight attendant. She goes, excuse me, are you going to, are you guys going to use the air during this flight? It's like, yeah, bro, they're going to turn the air on. Like, of course they are. It's just like, it's such an insane thing when you're

on a plane. I don't know. So everyone's just reverts back to this, like, like a child or something. Not everybody is flonal as much as we have. I know. That's why I complain about it, but it, it just, um, yeah,

it's an, and also I'm terrified of it. So that doesn't really help my mood when I'm on the, when I'm on a flight. Oh, that's hard. Flying. It's only getting worse,

only getting worse. I'll tell you that. You got to do any. Yeah. I try to meditate. Um, I have, I have tell you that. Oh man, that sucks. Do you do anything for it? I try to meditate. I have whatever the knockoff version of Xanax is.

I have yeah, I just get nervous though because my dad was a big pill guy so it freaks me out. You're like, it's one letter off. I think it's just the same thing. It's spelled with a PZ. A Zertac.

It just gets me jacked. It's one letter off. I think it's just the same thing. I have Xanax, but it's spelled with a P-Z. Zyrtec. Zyrtec. This gets me jacked. I'm hyper aware of everything. Dude, I don't even have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. This shit just gets me going. Yeah, I'd take yellow jackets, dude. I'll fly the plane. Yeah.

Well, Sean, you have an immense fear of flying, but what are two things you would hate to be famous for I wouldn't want to be the last person Or the person who Misses the last shot I'm thinking of Chris Webber I wouldn't want to be the person He called a timeout when there was no more timeouts

An athletic blunder Like a Buckner Nobody remembers anything Other than that. A home run getting hit off your head. You got to the pros. You're one of the best in the world, in the whole world at what you do.

And all of a sudden you kick it into the wrong goal and you fear for your life. You know what I mean? It's wild how Buck that would be. But like Chris Webber, he won't even talk about it, right? They did that whole 30 for 30 on it

and he was the one that wouldn't get interviewed. Well, he also has beef with the other teammates over something. So I think there's layers to that. There's a little more to that. But still, it's a great thing to be remembered for. You have this big body of work, and, you know, nobody... Chris, is it okay if we ask you about the... And he's like, I didn't even...

I'll do it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. The Bill Buckner thing, especially, where he's like i didn't even the bill buckner thing especially where he like blew the red sox world series he's a hall of famer you know all the famer he's great and also other things happen in that game leading to that moment right it wasn't just that's the thing like who was it scott kelly he was on the bills right he was the one that missed all the field goals for like four superls in a row they lost

and it's like yeah but he also made a ton to get him there just that thing people are so quick to focus on that negative shit lots of people died never seeing the Red Sox win a World Series because of Bill Buckner's blooper you know what I mean like because it took another

30 years so you don't get to see someone win a World Series blooper. You know what I mean? Because it took another 30 years. I know, but cry me a river. So you don't get to see someone win a World Series. It would be a bummer for the moment that defines your life in a negative way. It's called a blooper. That sounds more fun than the thing that wrecked my life.

Remember that blooper? Oh, the reason I killed myself? Yeah. No one's ever like, oh, remember when you just hit that teenager drunk, drive drunking? Drive drunking. Drive drunking. What a blooper.

Drive drunking is what they call it in Harry Potter. And Mrs. Mapplethwaite loved to drive drunking. It's also like, I feel like in sports, I don't know anything about sports, but I do feel like in sports, it's like, like in comedy, I can choke so much

over and over again, and it doesn't fucking matter. Like, unless it is filming a special of the set, or the set of your life or something, but it's like, it feels like every game feels very important in sports in a way that it doesn't in any other career. You can always bring it back.

And as long as you're funny, you know, bring it back. As long as you're funny, you screw up. As long as you're funny about it. A stand-up blooper I've definitely done is where the punchline is a callback to something you said earlier and then you didn't say earlier. So then you're like, who's got all these papayas?

Oh, no. Oh, no. It's like Jose Canseco getting the ball knocked over his head. Yeah. And then you're like, can I reverse? Can I reverse? Can I then do the papayas joke and that'll seem like a callback?

Yeah, yeah. No. I did. Oh, go ahead. I was just going to say that's literally the reason that I've stopped drinking before going on stage. I did that one too many times. I can't do it. Or you tell the same joke twice.

Yeah. And in your head, if you've done multiple sets that night or something and you're like, you totally forget that you've done a bit. Oh, so sad. Yeah, you're trying to be like red leather boots. Were there red leather boots at that show? Or is this show where you're trying to find sense memories in the place?

Yeah, I can't. Probably once a year I'll do it before i go up and i'm it's a harsh reality check where i'm like i don't think i've ever repeated but i've i've definitely been like have i said that did i say this joke and then they're like no and you're like okay based on the schedule you will have done it at high planes Sean yes I will one of those shows if you want to well whatever it won't be out but yeah one of these shows they put me up after a podcast like well sure thing they did it last time too anyway

yes so that and then it's me right I went first so I'm on number three so I'm glad that they're famous for this I would just hate to be famous for it but i'm glad that it's aired out if this makes any sense but that so it's i'm just i guess i'll pick like karen videos but the first remember the first one where that women called the cops on a barbecue that was happening yes you remember that was in oakland and there was just a bunch of people having a barbecue and she called the cops on them just for having a barbecue and then somebody was filming it and she just blew up i mean i think she was the first like the one that they named karen after

right karen maybe yeah so i'm happy i'm happy that that happened i'm happy that that's aired someone out but it would just be you would just hate to be that guy. Totally. One bad day at the Apple store and it's curtains for your ass. It's you. It's a new phone. It's a new phone and the battery still sucks. I've never gotten close

to a public meltdown for no reason, but there have been times in airports and stuff where I do get really, really short-tempered. And I'm like, man, if I just had a little more in me or if a little something else came out,

like I might lose it on this person who has no hand in what happened in the tornado in Oklahoma. They didn't make that tornado in San Francisco. But your little something is fortitude and being a good person. That's all our little somethings for not doing that. Right, so it's weird.

I think it counts. But yeah, like I'm happy that people get aired out when they suck. But it would just be the worst thing if that did happen to you. Right. Like, damn it. I had a moment at Costco yesterday where like a woman had her cart. And those are big carts in the middle of the aisle. Oh, bro.

Yeah. And I was like trying to go by and i made eye contact with her and smiled and like nodded i was like did the motion like can i go by and she's just like didn't and i was like kind of pushed my cart forward a little bit brought it back like hey i'm gonna yeah can i go around yeah swerve around you there and still nothing it was the weirdest thing so i was just like well all right i mean did you like if you're gonna make me be six foot three 230 pounds i'll do it and i just like pushed it through and like it moved her out of the way in her cart and i just like kept walking and she was like you asshole you and i was like for 20 seconds i tried i gave you like i was like

trying to get by you and it's like I guess that could have been one of those video things but like there was so many opportunities that we communicated like get your card out of the way I'm thrilled that like that video specifically I'm happy that everybody knows that

she did that she's like that because it's a horrible ridiculous thing and I don't want to diminish what she was doing by comparing it to that everybody knows that she did that. She's like that because it's a horrible, ridiculous thing. Oh, nobody thinks you're not. And I don't want to diminish what she was doing by comparing it to anything where I'm like, what do you mean I can't get to Vegas on time? I know they're not the same thing. And her being that shitty.

So that's what I'm picking. Sean's drafting that no Karens were ever recorded. That they exist, but just not on video. We should let racists exist safely in public. Sean's actually wearing a shirt that says, I stand with Karen. You can't see it. Karen for Karens.

I stand Karen on IG. Sean says, why are people having barbecues in public parks anyway? I've never seen anything like that happen. Not a barbecue. I've never seen someone actually do that. The closest I've got were people bring bring up airports again but people losing it i had to like stick up for i didn't have to it's funny how much of a superhero i think i'm being sometimes but somebody was just losing their shit this dude and i got up and like got in between him

and the flight attendant or the gate attendant or whatever and it's just great it's just crazy that people do that it's. The airport is also a great place for you to be a hero because you know nobody has a gun. I was just talking about this the other day. No guns, no knives. And I'm like, that's why it gets so close because I'm like, ain't nothing going to happen. I've been hit. No loose liquids. You can't rub shampoo in my eyes. You can't get me anyway. What is that? Three ounces? If you do, good luck washing your hair at your destination, bro. I've been thinking about that on planes so much recently,

where I'm like, I feel incredibly safe. It makes you realize the background of your thoughts about guns all of the time. I'm thinking about it all the time. It doesn't even register. In any situation, at any location, other than an airport. I went to go see Talk to Me by myself yesterday. Movie theater alone. Two guys with backpacks, separate, sitting in the front. I was like, fuck. I can't even...

I'm not going to watch a second of this movie. I actually look for the exits now, which is fire, whatever. But now they say it, and I'm like, yeah, I would like to know where to go. I'll be taking stock of those exits I uh the last time I

flew I stood in the you know I was in the TSA line on a pre-year check or whatever that is and uh the person in front of me was just like they didn't you know it got to like you take your laptops out you do like everyone knows the dance but this person was just like oh I gotta take oh I gotta take that out

and I was getting so pissed and I was like oh and the TSA person was just like, oh, I got to take that out. And I was getting so pissed and I was like, oh. And the TSA person was like, what is this? Is this your first time flying? And they're like, yeah, actually it is. And then everyone was just like, oh, okay, well, yeah, so we take our shoes. Come with that. You should actually

inform the airlines it's your first time flying. They sign a little buddy with you or something. You should have a buddy. This is all very complicated for you. I'm ashamed of this, but I had a moment the last time I flew where I was putting a suitcase up

and it was... The mechanisms at TSA and the mechanisms for scanning your shit are different in every airplane. It's always different materials. And so it was one of those that you put your carry-on on the counter closest to you, and then it automatically sucks it back and into the thing. And I didn't know that.

And I gave it a light little push. And this guy, he looked so mad. He was clearly having a bad day. But he goes, you're going to break it. You know, I went, I don't know that I don't work here. Also, how can your machine be that frail? This is an airport.

We throw bags onto this shit. It's not Thor doing it. I know this is an eternal prison for you, but this is 35 minutes of my life. I'm sorry. I felt so bad, but I did. like i was like that was so rude i don't know them i don't know how your shit works here everybody is just their worst i mean thank god they don't allow guns at the airport because otherwise people shoot each other all the time everyone is very that's very funny and very true

it would be the number one place that people got shot. Yeah. You're sitting in my seat. I mean, it would be like Southwest Airline flights would be like a fucking World War II Normandy Beach invasion. Oh my God. I flew Spirit for the first time ever and I was like, oh my God, this is tough, man. God bless. Different experience. Doing it a lot lately. Zach, is it time for your next

pick? I'm going to go... I don't want to be like a food competition. You know, like a Kobayashi or a Joey Chestnut. You can never have a normal meal. Ever. Ever. Everyone's going to be like, how many of those

do you think you could eat? You're just having a hot dog? Yeah, you're just having antipast and you're like you don't eat it like that um antipast like you gotta get the prosciutto wet before you eat it yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah are you dipping i remember when i found like the youtube videos of the people that can eat like eight foot longs in eight minutes oh yeah that sucks yeah i'm gonna eat mcdonald's entire menu tonight.

Oh, God. It wouldn't be fun. I mean, I watched like a video of one of those people. It was like a vice. It was like my life online or something like that, where they interview people that their whole like making living is online. And just watching someone after eating all of the McDonald's menu and then having to set up a camera and then be like, okay, guys. Okay, guys. You still

are under production and you have like 12,000 calories inside of you. Of all the wrong calories, too. 12,000 of the wrong calories. Yeah. It's also like the thing about those competitive

eaters like Kobayashi and them like we, you know, we become aware of them on the 4th of July and then we're like, well that's the day they do it. They have an entire season. Yes. There's like a whole like, then they're doing clam chowder chugging the next weekend and then on Wednesday it's

Manhattan clam chowder chugging and then it's like a fucking like Cinnabon eating contest. And like for $5,000, like it's an insane schedule. That's so true. They're like Olympians. You only notice when they're actively doing it, but it's every day of their lives. That's such a good point.

And they have to like stay in shape. So like even like, I guess, what do they eat? Kale, I hope on like the other days of the week. Alternate kale and glizzies all afternoon. Kale and I hope, on the other days of the week. I got alternate kale and glizzies all afternoon. Kale and glizzies. You're just chasing the sun, but it's like an endless supper. You're just like, I don't. Endless supper.

I can't. Also, there's not much grosser to me than a wet hot dog bun. The whole thing is wet. When I see it, it makes me want to barf, barf, barf, barf. Or the ones where they don't get,

not even in water, it'd be like orange soda or something. You know, they do that. They do it with other liquids. I feel like I've seen that or Gatorade, you know, some kind of like,

yeah, yeah. Like it's a colored, colored bun. It makes me, I see Max do it sometimes. Like she's too, she'll put her saltine in her water,

but then eat it. I'm like, oh. I like having a saltine in my mouth and then drinking water. That's nice. You dissolve it. Watch it disappear. Once it's in the mouth, you do whatever combos you need.

It's wet already. Like tears in the rain. That's what you say. I improvised it too. That's what you say. Nobody can tell. I improvised it too. People don't know that. Laura, time for your third pick. Okay, let's see.

Okay, this is bad. But killing someone, getting away with it, and then being famous for that. Like a group of terrible people love you because of how, we're talking George Zimmerman. Yes. Like Rittenhouse or something.

Rittenhouse, exactly. When I wrote down OJ and Casey Anthony, those are my four examples. Oh, yeah. My phone auto-corrected Rittenhouse to Rottenhouse and I'd like to say, hell yeah. Yeah.

Stop putting an apostrophe in well and start correcting that, my yeah. Yeah. Stop putting an apostrophe in well and start correcting that, my phone. Exactly. But yeah, just doing something horrific, absolutely getting away with it, and then making that your whole brand. And then you're famous for it. Zimmerman especially.

Oh, God, what a monster. Also, at some point, Tucker Carlson stops taking your calls. You know what I mean? There is a point with Also, at some point, like Tucker Carlson stops taking your calls. You know what I mean? Like there is a point with all those guys where it's like, you're like, hey, I want to come promote my eighth book

on Tucker Carlson. And they're like, ooh, there's a new racist murderer who got away with it. Right, right. He actually has like a six-week blackout on either side of his appearance. A whiteout, sorry.

A six-week whiteout on either side of his appearance a whiteout sorry a six week whiteout on either side of his appearance he's actually he's a lot hotter than you two abs i hate to say it's crazy too like he wrote a book right zimmerman like that's what he did so right and then yeah i think so somebody wrote a book and he put his name yeah you're like who who did that yeah that's just a gross one all around. But probably my strongest opinion on this topic. I mean, wasn't, oh God, the lady who lied about Emmett Till, right? Like, wasn't that recent?

She just, she finally owned up to that? That she was lying the whole time? Right before she died, right? Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, man. She's another one. Terrible she died, right? Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, man. She's another one. Terrible.

I'm ready to bring it down. If she has a Wikipedia page, that's the only sentence on it. Yeah, exactly. We're canted. Yeah. Time for my third and fourth picks. As tis.

As tis. Serpentine Draft. I'm going to take a throwing out a really bad first pitch in a baseball game. Wow. Like Mariah Carey, dude. Or 50 Cent. Yeah, 50 Cent.

Maybe that's the shoulder he got shot in. Otherwise, I can't explain how he threw the ball like that. He's so athletic. You're like, I don't even know physically how that could go towards third base. Yeah.

It's probably like, but anyway, like any of those, or have you ever seen those people who do like the back handspring? Like they'll have a gymnast do it or somebody from Cirque de Soleil. And they do like this amazing physical feet and then throw the ball at the end of it. Uh-huh.

It would be so funny to do like the front flip back handspring, whatever. And then just fucking like chunk it into the crowd it goes over the netting over to home plate it's a baby yeah like yeah I think it would just be because that always travels the clip

of the terrible first pitch it gets around plus when you throw it you are in the middle of a like you're not like, oh, let me just duck in this corner real quick and I'll just get out of here. You have to walk back towards the fans screaming at you. Long walk, too.

That's a longer walk than you think it is, probably. The mascot's going to try to keep you up like, you know, it happens. Is it 90 feet? Or is that from home plate to first base? I think it's 60 feet from pitcher mound to... I don't know if I've ever done whatever the actual major league length is.

I think I can handle it pretty well. But then you think of the pressure. If I did great, I might slow it down. If I did horribly, I'm picking it up to at least a jog. And you do that with your head down, kind of like... I'm aware it up to at least a jog. And you do that with your head down, kind of like waving. I'm aware. I know.

I know. I thought. I remember that it was like that big moment where it was after 9-11, and it was the Subway series, and they were like, oh, they got Bush out to throw the first pitch, and they threw it in like a strike,

and everyone talks about how that moment was like, and then America came back to it, and you're like, I think it just proves like, if you're pretty dumb, you're not going to that moment was like, and then America came back to it. And you're like, I think it just proves like, if you're pretty dumb, you're not going to overthink things. Like, oh, I hope I don't throw this ball into the stands. You're like, well, yeah. All right, I wasn't going to throw this thing.

I was going to smoke one down the middle. Now watch this drive. Yeah. So that is my third pick. And before my fourth pick, we are going to take another very short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius.

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touch a little bit on self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like, you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that. Like those things that I want that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And like, I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are

more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time. Get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself. You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get BetterHelp a try. Give it a shot. It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things that

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They got your back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash allfantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash allfantasy. Hey, welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, a podcast thing. What do you think about that as a slogan? Is it a podcast thing? It's a podcast joint. It's a podcast thing. You do you think about that as a slogan? A new slogan for us? This is a podcast joint. It's a podcast thing.

You probably wouldn't understand. Welcome to all fantasy everything. A podcast vibe. Damn, dude. That's good, right? I'm too far on the other end. I just got older hearing that. Laura Peake is our guest.

You've been enjoying her wit, her candor, and her charm. Lo, this last hour. Lo, these last 45. Lo, these last 45 minutes. We did our Comedy Central show. Nobody cares about your take on it, Sean! We were on the same

night. Comedy Central show, that's about your take on it, Sean! We were on the same night. Comedy Central show. That's where we met. It was great. I love it. We sat outside and we were grateful and it was very fun. And also, you've just been absolutely killing it. You're all over the place. It's fun to see. Thank you, buddy. I'm happy. I'm really enjoying stand-up these days. One way to interact with

or killing it is at Laura Peek and then an underscore on Twitter, if I'm reading that right. And then on Instagram, Laura Peake comedy. That's right. And it's a, I always get, I realized I have a name that when you hear it, people come up to me after shows, I'll be like, Lauren, Lauren Peane or whatever the fuck. It's Peake. It is Peane.

That's my alter ego. That's me when I get drunk. I'm going to steal your shit. I'm going through your drawers at the party um but it's peak double ek like peekaboo and is this you having made a pizza on your instagram that i'm looking at oh my god yes on labor day it looks delicious my friend has a little pizza oven at his place and we made pizzas galore probably made like seven. We made a dessert pizza with peaches and honey and hot honey.

Incredible. Mine was an abomination. It was very, very ugly. I don't know how to roll dough properly. It looks like it tastes good. Somebody commented, which I think is correct, it looks like shit, but it looks like it would cost you $37 at a place. That's true. I would charge

$37 for it. It's like when someone looks dishevel place. And that's true. I would charge $37 for it. Look at that bad boy. Oh yeah. It's like when someone looks disheveled, but it's like chic. Shabby chic. Shabby chic. That's right. It's like a skinny girl that didn't shower. Yeah. Yes. He just threw my hair up. You mean like that pizza's like

Stevendorf? It's like the pizza had heroin. The pizza's heroin chic. Where can people see you do stand-up comedy? This will come out, what do we think? October 5th, I think, right, Isaac? October 5th. My little sister's birthday. Oh, happy birthday, little sis.

I am off the road for a minute. I had a big time this summer, and I'm off the road for the next few months. So you can see me pretty much around LA. I perform everywhere. It's typically on my Instagram, but come see me at the comedy store or at the improv or wherever you like.

But I'll be in town for a while, just local to LA. And then I'll get back on the road in the fall and I'll have all my dates on my Instagram. Clubs and colleges. Clubs and colleges across the country. One of these days, we're going to get you up here

to do high note comedy. Oh, please. I really really I'm looking forward to it I've not performed I've not performed in Portland ever which is insane it's called fucking Antifa so be careful bunch of cucks up here but you'll like it you'll like it

libtard cucks are my favorite people in the world amen to that Zach Toscani is here Zach Toscani on Twitter Zach Toscani on Instagram Zach Toscani perhaps in a city near youani on Twitter. Zach Toscani on Instagram. Zach Toscani, perhaps in a city near you. Oh, yeah. Where can people see you

do stand-up comedy, Zach? So, all my dates are on ZachToscani.com. So, you can go to that. You can book me to perform at your house to all your friends if you live in the Midwest,

the Northeast, or the Southeast of America. But I also have some public shows. Friday, October 27th, I'll be in Asheville, North Carolina. The next night, I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina. Wednesday,

November 8th, I'll be at Birmingham, Alabama. Birmingham. November 10th, I'm in Atlanta, Georgia. And that's a house show, but it's a public house show. So you can come to that. House party, we call those. And November 18th, I'll be in New Orleans at Sports Drink. So come catch me.

Come catch me. Where do you live, Zach? That's a great question. He's a student of the earth right now. My belongings live in Los Angeles and I get to visit them from time to time. I see. Okay. Yeah, I've been on the road since like March. So I'm

everywhere and nowhere. I love that. You're in my neck of the woods in the Southeast. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be,

you know, I'm doing a show in Ocean Spring, Mississippi the day after Thanksgiving. So I guess I'm having Thanksgiving in Mississippi. So if anyone lives there and is throwing a big Thanksgiving Day feast,

invite me. I may show up. It'll be good eating. You'll have a good meal. I'm excited. Reach out to this feast. Invite me. I may show up. It'll be good eating. You'll have a good meal. I'm excited. Someone reach out to this man. It's on the shores. Let's get Zach booked on a Thanksgiving.

Yeah, dude. I can't wait. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. Follow me on all of those things so I can continue to perform stand-up comedy everywhere.

I'll be in Vancouver, British Columbia November 30th through December 2nd with Sean Jordan at the House of Comedy in Vancouver, BC. Come check us out. We're going to be having a great time. I think we're going to drive up there, right? If you want to fly

into Portland, yeah, we'll drive up there. I am. I think that'd be the most fun way to do it. Then I'll be at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas, December 8th and 9th. Very excited for that. Haven't been to Austin in a while. Come on out to that during Hanukkah. It's going to be a lot of fun.

And then you can see me, Portland, new show alert, March 23rd at Revolution Hall. 7 p.m. show. Get your tickets now. Again, these always sell out, so jump on it while you can. Grab your tickets. I will be saying these always sell out for the next six months until that show trying to get you to buy tickets even though it never happens in the last minute but low ticket alert low ticket alert keep an eye on my socials for more more forthcoming shows

uh sean he quit stand-up comedy earlier on this episode, so let's get back into the draft. Psych, dude. I love you. Where can people see you do stand-up, Sean Jordan? Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar, Mel Jordan on Instagram. Psych, he did quit comedy. Let's get back in the draft. I'm joking. Say your dates, bro. I'm kidding. I'm yanking your chain. October 29th.

He did quit. You can't get to him. He doesn't perform live anymore. Portland, Oregon. Mississippi Studios. Recording. There's like 20 tickets left, so come get one. Omaha, Nebraska. October 16th. I also added a late show in Omaha, November 16th. The early show sold out. Thank you to everybody who bought tickets.

We have a late show at the Tiny House Bar. It's a 9 o'clock show, I think. I'll be posting about it. It's on all my socials. So if you want to get tickets, come out, please. It's a small venue. So if you want tickets, scoop them up. And those are the big ones. Other one, I'll be with Ian at the end of November.

And just kind of chilling around Portland. Hop on the socials to find out where. The young boy getting buck in the streets. Isn't there an ongoing show in Portland? Yeah, we do High Note Comedy. Man, I'm bad about it. Last Thursday of every month, High Note Comedy at Migration Brewing. October, we're skipping, we do high note comedy. Man, I'm bad about it. Last Thursday of every month, high note comedy at Migration Brewing.

October, we're skipping as we're doing my album. Don't know who we got for November yet. Working on a couple would be fantastic guests, though. Just stay tuned. Keep your ear to the streets. As soon as a headliner confirms, we'll let you know. Trying to get one that rhymes with glare

rocky. Working on that. I love glare rocky. Trying to see if glare rocky wants to come to town. You're not afraid of the controversy of glare rocky. No, I don't care. I don't care how from the OC

that glare rocky is. It's fine. The big dog. If glare ever gets cancelled, I will quit. It will be for the best thing. I don't, it'll be like... What if it would be impossible? It would be for some sort of metaphysical... Uh-huh.

She just disappeared during a set. She actually got cancelled. She explodes into pure energy and light while doing stand-up comedy. The Big Dog. Sean Jordan trying to book The Big Dog for high note comedy. We'll see what happens. And in the meantime, it is time for me to take my fourth pick, which I'm

going to call Jonathan Saffron Foring, which is specifically, so he's an author, wrote several books. Everything is Illuminated, right? Everything is Illuminated. Also, I think like a big vegan. I think it's true.

Hold on, let me make 100% sense. Huge vegan. He said it like he was a Republican. Oh, he's just a huge vegan too. Huge vegan. I can't get on board. Just don't bring it up. He'll be fine.

Whatever you do at home is your business. I have like name blindness, so I just confirmed it with my wife who doesn't. Jonathan Sanford IV left his wife because he thought he was having like a romantic dalliance with Natalie Portman. And so he left his wife for Natalie Portman and then Natalie Portman was like, what?

No. Like they never even, they never slept together. They never kissed. There was none of that stuff. He just thought they had this like insane connection. Just the spark, dude. And then she would be super into it if he left his wife. So he left his wife for Natalie Portman.

And she just didn't feel the same way at all. Yeah. We all want to leave our wives for Natalie Portman. You have to get the okay from Natalie Portman first. Right. That's the most important part of that process. She's got a big say in the matter. How do you pivot back?

Actually, babe, I was on the way to Natalie's house, and I thought, I can't leave you like this. Yeah, Natalie, you know what? Natalie, I don't got to let you. Natalie was on her knees. Make love to me, please. And I thought, I can't leave you like this. Yeah, Natalie, you know what? Natalie, don't call it like you. Natalie was on her knees. Make love to me, please. And I said, no. If she calls, tell her I'm not here. It's me and you forever.

I don't even have a phone. I threw my phone away, actually. Yeah. That's so, so lame. Awful, right? They had what? Like met a couple of times? They were like friends. They'd like emailed, you know what I mean? I think they're both like prominent times? They were like friends. They'd like emailed. You know what I mean? Like maybe he wrote, I think they're both like prominent vegans or something like that.

Like there was some, they had like some connection. And then he just thought, this is it. This is the person I'm meant to be with because she's fucking Natalie Portman. You moron. Also, I hate to say it, nothing against vegans at all, but that's also a bad thing to be famous for. Prominent vegan. Yay. Oh no. also I hate to say it nothing against vegans at all but that's also a bad thing to be famous for prominent vegan oh no if it comes down to that you're not good enough at the other thing

you've been kill steamed yeah vegans tend to be something else too yeah they're militant about it so yeah Jonathan Saffron pouring it's just so I feel like you hear that a lot with like They're militant about it. So yeah, Jonathan Saffron pouring. It's just so...

I feel like you hear that a lot with actors and directors, where it's like they film a project together and then suddenly like, oh, this director left his wife because he spent three months with anybody else. Who's the guy, the... Oh my God, I'm waiting on all the names. I think we're thinking of the same person yeah it was set in Texas

black and white oh my god I don't know I'm seeing if I can google it just through the only more the last picture show oh okay Bogdanovich and who was that

Bogdanovich left his wife for Sybil Shepard Sybil Shepard that's right his wife who was like who was yeah bogdanovich left his wife for uh sybil shepherd sybil shepherd that's right his wife who was like his collaborator on like like edited the movies and everything like that and i just found out larry mcmurtry left his wife for another woman named frog donovich so her name would have been frog donovich bogdanovich i liked it john i think everyone would have to be pretty cool yeah i think everyone would have to be on board I think everyone would have to be on board if you were her ex-husband you'd be like oh I get it

even his wife would have to be like yeah fine there's one instance of this and I think this Dana would probably know better because she's an aficionado on these two but Matthew Reese and Keri Russell met on the set of the Americans and they were both married and they've left their respective partners for each other, and it worked.

That's something where I'm like, you can't deny fate sometimes, you know? Well, yeah, and it happens every day to non-famous people, right? That's just like falling in love with someone else and cheating on your spouse. Yeah. Oh, my God, look at that kitten. That's a tiny little kitty. Oh, no! Tiny little guy. Oh, my God, look at that kitten. That was a tiny little kitty. Oh no. Tiny little guy.

Oh my God. Who's that? My sister and her partner adopted two cats that were found outside of where they work. They're so cute. So they got two, yeah, two little, I think they're just a couple weeks old. That one climbed up. I'm on a big stool and it climbed up my leg all the way up here. That's actually like a 15 foot stool.

What's his name? Ollie. I believe this one's Ollie. Okay, good. And the other cat. One of them named Beetlejuice by chance. That's one of my cat's name. Oh, Odie is the one that climbed up on me.

And Lenny and Lenny Lenny is off screen like it had my producer it's good that they don't have terrible names because then you would have to tell us that you would have really outed your sister like if the cast name was Gadoff Shitler

I'm like this is Joseph and Adolf they're a little axis of kitten power. Axis of adorableness. Axis of kitten power. That's so cute. Unfortunately. It is. Yeah, that's a bummer.

Oh, my gosh. If cats perpetrated the Holocaust, I think I would be, even as a Jew, split on the issue. Hello. The Holocaust? The Holocaust. the holocaust i think i would be even as a jew split on the issue hello there we go i was trying i was reaching for the holocaust oh wow there you go that's great what a little guy to say oh the wires he's recording his podcast after this kind of a rogan type oh yeah laura time for your fourth pick all right my fourth okay so i did i thought about some that were not like famous means different things when you're throughout your life so like there were kids when you were a kid that were famous for certain things you know what i mean so the worst thing to be famous for in like middle school

or no no elementary elementary is like the kid who always pukes you know what i'm talking about there were two kids there i went to catholic school there were two kids that you always knew about there was the kid that threw up all the time and then there was the kid who fainted in church that there was always every year it was like a different knees exactly exactly they would pass out of church from standing up too long from the torture of catholic mass but i think that when when you were in in grade school in elementary school when somebody would puke and they would put the like sawdust mixture oh god god they what did that even do? It made it worse.

It just made it so much worse. Also, it was always that weird grade school puke, which was like, why is it pink? What is that? He only eats Pepto-Bismol. It's like a weird look at their home life. Yeah, yeah. It's Pepto-Bismol and Gushers, and you're like, ooh, you don't

have a good family home. It was pink day. Things aren't so good. His dad's on his way out, I think. Yeah. I barfed up. We had lunch for breakfast one time. I went to gym class afterwards. I'm jumping rope. And I told Miss Fellers, I'm like, I'm a barf. Like, I know it. And she's like, keep jumping. And so I kept jumping. And then I yacked all over. All this like half chewed up bratwurst and pancake. No. And then I yacked all over all this like half chewed up bratwurst and pancake. She got all mad at me. She's like, well, if you're going to puke, you should have stopped. And I was like, I'm seven, dude.

You told me what to do. I'm doing it. Yeah. All over. I mean, and it was in the gym, too. So it just like yack splattered all over the place. So it was like 10 feet from me. When you say lunch for breakfast, what is that?

Is that a thing? Breakfast for lunch. I knew you must admit that. I was like, lunch for breakfast sucks. I don't want a club sandwich at night. Ice tea, like a nice morning ice tea. I knew you couldn't have meant that. I was like, that's the worst thing I've ever heard.

Lunch for breakfast. I actually like lunch, so I would eat lunch for breakfast. I've definitely had it at an airport, lunch for breakfast for days. Four in the morning, burger. I'm a lunch boy. Absolutely. I like a lunch, but I don't know.

What lunch foods would you most like upon? I don't really do breakfast, I guess. I don't really eat upon waking very much. But if you do, what lunch foods would you most like in the morning? Eat upon waking sounds like a small town in England. They were wet and eat upon waking.

Eat upon waking. It's spelled E-D-E-D-E. Eat upon waking. I mean, I could do, I'm not picky. I could do anything. I would take a bagel sandwich because then you got a little bit of a breakfast-y thing in there. That's fun. That is fun.

A grilled cheese at breakfast. I could see eating that. Although it's so greasy. I could eat pork chops for breakfast. What do I care? Yeah. As long as it's cold. Grilled cheese and tomato soup.

Now that's a... I could have that for breakfast. Cold. If it's cold. Ooh. Kind of like a Porsche. I think the temperature matters could have that for breakfast. Cold. If it's cold. I think the temperature matters. Cold pizza for breakfast is unbelievable. Hot pizza would also be great. But I think grilled cheese works

because I associate putting butter on bread with morning time anyhow. It's in the family. So Sean, you said you'll have pork chops for breakfast. I can't see a world where I wouldn't, if they were just leftovers.

Are you making pork chops? I mean, I won't, if somebody, if I got up and Laura was like, Hey, I made pork chops. Do you want them for breakfast?

I would say, it's hard. It's hard for me to hear that. I did not think about serving you breakfast. I was like, after a night of intimacy, me and Laura, she wakes up early.

That would be so rude. If I was just talking about you like that. And yeah, if I get up and Laura just wanted to make me breakfast. Female guest obviously making me breakfast. We got to get you up here for high notes sometime, huh? Yeah, you can go watch it after making me pork chop for breakfast. I can get you in for free, but you do have to buy your drink. And the pork. You also have to buy the pork

it's expensive it's an expensive trip I can't think of much I would have stew for breakfast I would have big hearty lamb stroganoff for breakfast if it was made I don't care lamb in the morning

I like lamb but in the morning it's crazy my morning Christian radio show. Morning lamb. Yeah, chili out of chili in the morning, for sure. No. A burrito. I don't know.

Yeah. I got it out of your mind. Burrito is too much. A breakfast burrito is a... I'll have a lunch burrito, though. I don't care. All right. You're kind of a bad boy, huh?

Is that time for your fourth pick? Bad boy tummy time. I'm going to go with rejected from a public proposal. If you're one of those people who makes it a big scene and then it clearly does not happen, you are on every YouTube

compilation forever. That's huge. That's a great YouTube compilation forever. That's huge. That's a great poll right there. That's devastating. What if you did like a flash mob one too? Like it wasn't even just a baseball game. I don't know how you don't hint at that conversation before. It's like they never mentioned it.

We're like, it's on your second date. There was no flash mob. Dana could not have made it more clear that she wanted me to ask her to marry her. She was sending me pictures of rings. I knew exactly the kind of diamond cut she wanted. If it is a surprise that you are being proposed to, you are out of your fucking mind. Like you have to talk about it before. And then maybe if you choose a time that she didn't expect.

My fiance and I have been together like nine years. I was like, oh my God, we always talked about getting married and then he proposed. But that is the most level of surprise I would ever want. If we've been together six months and you're on one knee at a fucking baseball game, I'm going to punch you in the face.

Awful. You're at like a really nice restaurant and everything just calms down for a second. Oh, that every seven minutes quiet thing or whatever? Yeah. And then he starts playing Sandstorm to build the energy. Really quiet, but it increases in intensity.

What the fuck is that? I want to say two or three people have got engaged at AFEs, right? Didn't somebody in, in DC, right?

Haven't in DC. Yeah. I don't remember. Was there another one? I swear there was, but I just, DC is, I guess the one I'm thinking of.

Maybe it's only one. They invited us to their wedding, but I don't, I don't think we could make it. Well, that works as long as they're both very big fans. That's very cute. Right.

It would be funny if one of them was like, like, I don't like this. I didn't like that. We're here. I's very cute. Right, right. It would be funny if one of them was like, I don't like this. I didn't like that we're here. I don't like these idiots babbling about the internet. I said I don't mind when you play it while you're doing dishes. I didn't say I enjoyed All Fantasy everything. That doesn't mean I wanted to spend

our one night a month and a hundred extra dollars on it. There's like the bride groom section and there's a third section just off into the corner. You, Sean, and David. Hi. Hello. And Isaac. Yeah, shout out DC. We'll be spending the next two hours explaining why we're famous.

No, it's like a radio show that you listen to later. I did watch somebody propose. I was opening for somebody. I won't name who it was, but I was opening for somebody and this dude was like a huge fan.

He was also very clearly on a tremendous amount of cocaine. Like, yacked out of his absolute mind. We've met Andy Haynes.

And his girlfriend was with him. She could not give a shit about this comedian you could tell she did not care about the show at all he turns to the comic in the at a meet and greet tells a long rambling story sort of related to their relationship like not even really it was touch and go as far as it being related to their love at all. And then he's like, so in conclusion, just so coked out, turns to his girlfriend and gets down on one knee. And the look

on her face was just like the utmost confusion. And she said yes. And it was so sad. Oh no, I wonder what she said later. It's like proposing after having an argument of like, where do you want to eat? I don't care. Like, you just pick the place.

And then you go to the place and you're like, where do you want to get married? By the way, Mike. Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Sean. Just making it so much, so one-sided with the proposal. Like, when I did it, I really wanted it to be not about me at all. I was like, yeah. You weren't even there.

I had another guy do it. Take Laura to an Atmosphere show and be like, how dope was that? You didn't know any of those lyrics, but I knew all of them. You want to get married? At the very least, it should be about both of you and equal parts about both of you. Go make that dinner thing, Zach zach my wife and i will do a pick three we'll offer someone with each other three restaurants and they pick the one all it

also works with movies that's great yeah that's fantastic three i'd be okay with and then you pick the one the alternate kind of just yeah yeah see that's the move that's what we did with i do it with most things like house colors i was like, let me feel like I'm involved. So narrow it down to ones that you'd... Or I was like, yeah, let me narrow it down and then you pick. I don't really care. Give me your 10 that you'd like.

I'll pick three of those and then you pick. I'd like you to narrow down your draft picks to your final two because that's what you're about to do as it is a serpentine draft. Fucking trance. Look at you guys. Incredible.

That was incredible. He's the height of my power right now. The man's incredible. So there's one specific viral video I'm thinking of, but I guess I wouldn't want to be famous for like beefing it on a viral video. The one that I'm thinking of is the girl and the guy who were running while it was snowing in Portland, Oregon. And the reporter stopped them. And they were just so hippy-dippy about it. It's actually the perfect texture. They were not hippy-dippy. They were y so hippy dippy about it and not actually the perfect

texture they were not hippy dippy they were yuppie duppy dude they were like yeah they were just like oh in the snow just it makes your feet stick to the ground and like i'm from south dakota i'm like no i don't and but you know so then they just take off and she beefs it so bad onto her bed right after they talked about how dope it was and how they just are just feeling the vibe and it's those were the two like went to nyu moved to portland for a marketing job bought arcteryx jackets and went out for a jog in the snowest ass motherfuckers because anyone who's actually from portland or oregon would know we don't salt the roads or do any of that shit because it runs off into the rivers and kills the salmon. You don't go out.

It's also just sort of classically not how snow works. You're telling me the direct opposite of what I've known to be true since I was a child. All of my lived experiences. Right on the tuchus. And see, I mean, it was

They're running downhill. Yeah. Come on. Oh no. Yeah, it was great that they had those reflective jackets on. It's like, oh, yeah, we definitely saw you eat it the whole way. People that run aren't out there. Yeah, they're just not out there. It's like, nah, we'll take the night off.

Take a day, yeah. Also, it snows like maybe three nights a year in portland and it sticks if you're lucky one of them and you're not gonna stay in and like make a lamb stew sean jordan and like watch a movie instead hot cocoa and some movies come on i don't want much more most of the time i just want it to be snowing enough so i don't have to go outside i'm like yeah it's okay to just sit here and watch all the lord of the time. I just want it to be snowing enough so I don't have to go outside. I'm like, yeah, it's okay to just sit here and watch all the Lord of the Rings director's cuts today. That's what I'll be doing.

Their vibe as a couple was Julia Louis-Dreyfus and the guy in Christmas Vacation coming back from in those stupid outfits coming back from their jog in the snow. I don't know, Margo. Margo.

Something had to in the snow. I don't know, Margo. Margo. Stand over and I'll show you. Why is the carpet all wet? Todd. I don't know, Margo. If you're not man enough to go over there and say something to his face, then I will. She gets mauled by a squirrel. Oh my God. And your final pick, Mr. Sean Jordan.

Ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Sean Jordan Ladies and gentlemen Mr. Sean Jordan Preach bro It would be unfortunate to be famous for You know I'm going to alter This is less unfortunate more fun to talk about Unboxing videos My nephews They have YouTubers that they watch

Who unbox Pokemon cards And they just open the Pokemon cards and look at the Pokemon cards. And I'm just like, man, what a ridiculous thing that is. It's the old man in me, just old fuddy-duddy. But I'm like, what are you doing now? You're watching other people open packs of Pokemon cards. And I feel old saying it right there i just i got no time for it because some of those people make like they make so much

money millions of dollars a year yeah my nephew has like favorite youtubers and then he'll show me and then there's like in the same vein there's like reaction videos now that are like a big thing where they'll just watch a video and try not to laugh, but they're clearly pulling the wool over these children's eyes because, of course, they're trying to make it look like they're trying not to laugh because nothing they're watching is funny. So I just think it'd be unfortunate to be an adult and that was your, you know,

you're like, what are you doing? You're like, well, I tricked these little kids into thinking that I'm not laughing, but I'm kind of giggling at shit that's not funny. I mostly take stuff out of stuff. And I like joy. I'm not saying Iiggling at shit that's not funny. I mostly take stuff out of stuff. And I like joy. I'm not saying I don't like joy. I just don't like...

It just feels like... I don't know. You can have a These Kids Today pic. Yeah. It's okay. All right. I have to caveat it. I'm the oldest one here.

These Kids Today. These Kids Today pic. These Kids Today are watching weird porn stuff. And they're unboxing left and right. Start today aren't watching weird porn stuff and they're unboxing left and right. Start having sex and watching weird porn. They're probably going to be normal when they're in college. They're not going to have to compensate for anything. They're not going to be normal. They're going to make their sexual partner sit in

a box and they're going to come open it and pull her out. They're going to unbox them. Yeah. Unboxing videos. Zach, time for your final pick. My final pick. This one should relate to everyone here. Stand-up comedy.

I would not. I do not want to be famous. I'd like to live a middle-class comedian existence where only maybe one person sees me ever and recognize me. But in terms of being one of the top comedians, no thank you. Seems like a prison. Seems like a prison. Seems like every one of them, it just goes bad. You get so many people telling you you're funny all the time that your specials just get worse and worse and you just talk about how rich you are in celebrity friends. I really

would not like to I'm actively trying not to be as much as I can and I'm succeeding. I was like, yeah, me too. That's what all of our goals. We're all doing pretty alright. To be like, oh, you're like a comedian, right?

Would be fine. But the like, that level of, are you Joe Rogan? Or are you Dave Chappelle? Or are you this person? Or that person? It's like,

you could never, your life would just be no fun. Everyone expects you to be funny all the time. A lot of work too. Like now, where it's like everything has to be content.

It seems like. It is. It's hard. Go ahead, Sean. No, go on. It's hard to complain about having to create whatever content. I mean, there are definitely harder jobs, but it's hard.

It's just like Bert Kreischer, who's like a funny, cool, nice guy. There's constant camera crews and it's hard well it's just like like like a funny cool nice guy like there's like constant like camera crews and stuff like that it's because like you create this part in the turn of phrase this machine and then you have to like and then you gotta like keep feeding it and keep feeding him it seems like i mean it's hard you have to be he does he succeeds which it would be so much work there's gotta be nights where he's like, I'd like to have my shirt on, actually. It's a nice shirt. Also, I feel like you get too

physically good looking at a certain point. You know what I mean? You get too fit. It's been a struggle for a while. Yes, exactly. What is his heart? And funny people, when Jonah Hill is talking to Seth Rogen, he he's like shouldn't have lost all

that weight man nobody wants to see lance armstrong do comedy it's i don't know that's cool thing you can like put other people on and stuff like going back to you know what i mean yeah man he's the he's the g about that it's awesome to see like that's rad it's always fun to see like shane stadium with, you know what I mean, 30,000 people watching. 30,000 Shane-iacs out there. Shane Torres, the Shane-iacs. I just opened for Burt for the first time and he was so

fucking nice to me. And same thing, he just rotates people that he likes and wants to help. It rules. He's just such a rad dude. He's so nice too. He's so easy to talk to. Yeah, he's a very nice guy. I wouldn't be anything like that. Just to be clear, I would be a nightmare.

Zach knows that he would turn absolutely evil. I would turn the world into hell and I would be the devil. If you ever see me doing a bad set, that's for you, okay? To keep you guys safe. He winks at the end of every bomb he has. It's for you. Okay? To keep you guys safe. He winks at the end of every bomb he has.

It's for us. That's how he gets it done. In case anyone from Hollywood is listening, I wouldn't mind being a famous stand-up comedian. Go ahead and put it on me. See, I'm playing hard to get. Yeah. That's probably a way smarter thing to do.

Yeah, that's how it's going to work. You can't have me. I'm going to go to Netflix and say that. Laura, time for your final pick. Okay, my final pick is the first thing that popped in my head when I thought about this topic. And it is hyper specific. But I immediately thought about Jeffrey Toobin of CNN. Oh, yeah.

Jerking off on a Zoom call during the pandemic. The funniest thing that's ever happened. It like happened at a moment where like we all really needed some esteemed guy to jerk off on a Zoom call. It was a low point and I needed a good laugh and just like, are you kidding me kind of moment? And, you know, fantastic. I like to think someone from the Biden administration, or I guess Trump was president then actually, right? Yeah, he still was. Okay, fuck it.

Somebody from the Trump administration knocked on his door and was like, are you ready to sacrifice everything for your country? We need a laugh. You ready to go whitewater tubing? How horned up do you got to be? Like Zoom calls are not horny. He probably been on,

I'm not trying to justify what he did, but obviously he didn't know the camera was on, but he probably been on Zoom or maybe he did and he's into that, but he'd been on like probably endless Zoom calls

and he's just like, I'm just going to crank one out during this one. Yeah, I'm going to have a wank. My wife left. She's never. We've been stuck together in this house like for months already. She finally went out for a walk.

I have to crank it now. I'm never going to crank it. And I'm so busy on CNN that I can't yerk one out for once. It's the funniest guy to do it to. A New Yorker writer who goes on CNN all the time. He was held in such high regard. He had a really beautiful reputation.

We got to thank Zoom for all these... Remember the guy whose kids broke into the room? He was that political expert. So cute. Those were really keeping me sane during those lockdowns. There was that deposition with an attorney who couldn't get the cat filter off.

He was talking to the judge and he was like, Judge, I assure you I'm not a cat. The judge was like, but no one's laughing. You're like, yeah, bro, he knew you weren't a cat. That was so funny. He had like a Mississippi accent. Judge, are you there? I assure you I'm not a cat.

I'm not a cat. I assure you I'm not a cat I just can't figure this out I may be a simple feline lawyer but the truth is I'm so far outside of my whiskers that I can't tell when I'm being put on those zoom blunders Jeffrey Toobin looks like he was

like his face was waiting for a masturbation related scandal like he looks like that I haven't pulled up right now those glasses not helping baby not at all his Wikipedia picture is very flattering though good for him he's not a bad looking guy

not a bad looking also he looks very like he looks very like jovial and like friendly he's got a very friendly look about him just a guy that loves to jerk off. I don't know why it's funny that Toobin is spelled T-O-O-B-I-N. Hilarious name. It looks funny. Toobin.

Like masturbating of the name. It's funny. More like Lubin. You know what I mean? Yeah, Jeffrey, get him, dude. Both barrels. He ain't safe. Given his predilections.

I don't care how many years it's been. He ain't safe. He's soothing that tubing in the nude time for my final pick this is kind of one like Zach's where it would like there are a ton of benefits to it

like it would be amazing but it would also be kind of embarrassing being one of those actors who Hollywood was like you're next bro and then it just doesn't work out yeah kind of like what like oppenheimer used a lot of these guys but kind of like what happened like alden aaron reich uh-huh or uh the guy from friday night lights who was in john carter taylor kitch man that's my guy that's my man 50 grand and he has he has yet to pop. And it is a bummer. Josh Hartnett?

Yeah, Josh Hartnett. And all these guys are attractive. And they all act enough that they can make a living. And their lives are all probably rad. But where you're like, you know there was some point when they were sitting in a meeting with the head of Universal. And their agent turned to them and said, are you ready for this? You got this. Your life's about to change forever.

You know what I mean? In a chase, baby. Yeah, you're about to live Entourage and then all of a sudden it's like, well, I got this series on USA I'm pretty excited about. And it's like, is USA still around? They have a streamer. And it's like all of a sudden

the expectation versus the reality drop. Totally. And then also people know, they're like, huh, Ian Carmel just never really popped, did he? You know, like. And then I would say, yes, he did. He's one of the best friends I've ever had. Thank you.

He officiated my wedding. I did. Did a great job. Such a funny thing. Oh, that actor. Where is he? He's my friend. He's my friend.

He landed the role of a lifetime. My best friend. Just a whole room full of people going to get steaks at lunch. Like, I don't give a fuck. He's famous. In terms of his, like, box office potential. The only box I care about is the one full of letters that he sent me. He checked a box called attend, okay?

He wrote me every day for a year. For a year. And my mom hid the letters from me. Now it's too late because I have a new best friend. Taylor Kitsch. Oh my God. If I could chill with Taylor Kitsch, bro. It's people you see in a show or a movie and you go,

what happened to that guy? Oh, Devin Sawa. It's the sentence, it never really happened for, and then fill in the blank. Sad stuff. It never really happened for Sean Jordan, did it? Skeet All Rich. It happened for me right now, man. I couldn't

be happier. I mean, I wouldn't change a thing. Like every actor from the OC, you know, they all, each one of them independently was like, you're going to be, you're going to be.

You're going to be a star. They did. They were, they were stacked. Yeah. Rachel, I mean, yeah,

like Rachel Bilson is a good example. She had Heart of Dixie. She was in that movie. The Last Kiss was Zach Braff. Like she actually, and she's great, but you just, yeah.

Never really happened for Rachel Bilson. See, anyone you can slide into that spot uh that's the final pick isaac do you have a pick yeah i think my pick would be making a bad song like uh friday by rebecca black like being famous for yeah like a funny wonder song but not like they're laughing with you like they're laughing at you oh Poor girl too. She was what 12 and the world just ripped her to shreds. By the way she became an actually

good musician with an actual career afterwards. Yeah she's alright right? But it follows her around. Black Friday. I love it. That song rolled though. What a happy song. I mean it really was like

I guess if I had an inner monologue it was bad music happy song I mean it really was like yeah I guess if I had an inner monologue it was bad music this is what it would sound like excellent pick fortunately Isaac you've only made bangers so

far oh thank you check out Igloo Shores on Spotify and wherever you stream it goes there you go Igloo Shores check out Toy Laney Igloo Shores was that from this chapter or from the last

one no that's from the last episode last one okay yeah's from the last one last episode last one okay yeah we're crossing Laura we I forget I don't even remember the context but the words

tortellini igloo were said in succession and we all had a grand time really love that yeah it should be the name of the pod perhaps it should

maybe we should change it to all tortellini igloo everything ooh tortellini igloo everything bagel shut it Sean you went first. You took, uh, for the reasons you would not want to be famous, being a teacher and boning

one of your students in athletic blooper, being a Karen, beefing it on a viral video or just in boxing videos in general. Zach, you went second. You took being a religious pastor, clogging a toilet with dihria on a plane, and then they have to land it being a competitive eater, being the person who is rejected on a public proposal and then just stand up comedy. Well,

we all do. Or you went third. You took the, the Howard Dean scream, ruining your political career with just an embarrassing moment. That last, but a moment, it taints you forever.

Being someone in a two girls, one cup askesque video. Being one of those prick murderers who gets away with it and then you have a bunch of creepy people who love you for it. In O.J. Simpson, a George Zimmerman, for example. Being the kid who always pukes back in

grade school and pulling a tube and cranking one out on a Zoom video. I went last and I took being the person whose name is associated i took being dr crone specifically but being the person whose name is associated with a disease uh killing the last of a animal species a bad first pitch pulling a jonathan saffron four and being one of those movie stars who didn't make it those are our picks that's we leave anything on the board i didn't really i didn't like i was gonna pick the picks. Did we leave anything on the board? I didn't really.

I was going to pick the news. You don't want to be a news report meme. I like Toodles or whatever. And that's just the only thing people know about you. I mean, a sex tape. I know it's close, but you don't want to be the sex tape meme. Shitting your pants in class or anywhere.

I just wrote down Michael Richards. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That one stinks. Being on Seinfeld, I get it. Yeah. Just want to avoid. I mean, almost any YouTube clip from the early beginning of the internet is probably like Star Wars kid.

You know, I guess that's like part of Sean's pick, but yeah, just any kind of viral Star Wars kid. They were all pretty cringy. Yeah, we want to hear those are our picks. We want to hear yours. Hit us up at all fantasy pod on Twitter, all fantasy podcast at

gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us there on the AFE Patreon, where you can get exclusive access to mailbag episodes, bonus episodes, live episodes, auction drafts, ad-free episodes,

pre-roll footage, extra, just all sorts of, whatever, Isaac's nudes, again, they're very tasteful, soft lighting.

Soft lighting. This time we got David LaChapelle in to shoot. Like you don't even, again, they're very tasteful. Soft lighting. Soft lighting. This time we got David LaChapelle in to shoot. Like, you don't even, honestly, it took me like three minutes to realize you were nude in this latest series. Well, we had to get David Labore. We couldn't get David LaChapelle, but it's like, it's similar. It's similar. David Labore. Good enough for me. It is a

meta-statement on capitalism through the lens of patent leather, is the best way I could describe it. And they're tasteful and wonderful and available at the highest tier, much like the Trailblazing exclusive hat that we also offer.

Everyone's getting them. I'm getting those pictures. Sign up for the AFE Patreon and you support us just as a podcast in general. Most importantly, shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to

Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Laura Pink. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklackity. Quiet storm. Wait, we could say it while chewing gum, right?

Shaklackity. Shaklackity. I Shacklackity. Shacklackity. Shacklackity. With a 13 year old. That was a hate gum podcast.