Always Laugh Podcast - Pod #1 - Austin Got Into A Bar Fight!

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

Welcome to the Always Laugh Podcast! "The Number One Podcast you Never Heard of Before".  Hosted By: Austin Lane (@austinlane_fit), AJ Allen (@ajnotalex), and Walker Smith  Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYNegdIXrzsdQxLPjeWsKww Follow us on all socials @alwayslaughpodcastclips

So I picked up a rock off the ground and just smashed my back window and unlocked my car. Welcome back to the Always Laugh Podcast. I'm Austin Lane. My name is AJ. This is the coolest podcast you've never heard of before. Come on. I am Walker the scintillating shredded Santa Bear Smith. Sick. What did you say your middle name was last time? I think just Shredded Santa. No, it was something with an M. The Mesomorphic

Meditar. The Mesomorphic Meditar? The Meditar. How am I the only one that remembers that? Isn't that half? I don't remember anything. I don't remember anything from the last podcast. Isn't that half human, half horse?

Here we go again. That's a centaur. Oh. Oh. Half man, half amazing. Yeah, the minotaur has like the bull head with the horns on it. It was part of Pan's Labyrinth, you know? Makes way more sense.

Y'all ever seen Pan's Labyrinth? I don't know what that is. Y'all seem like big Pan's Labyrinth guys. Really? I have no idea what you're talking about. It's not a compliment. So what do we got, guys? It's January what?

January 8th? I think we should talk about some resolutions we all have for the upcoming year. Okay. Everyone has resolutions. I don't really have resolutions. I just want to kind of do better you know just um maybe drink a little less handle business a little more yeah that's a that's really i just want to stack cash and uh handle business i want to do the opposite i want to get fired drink more

spend more money preach do worse in pretty much every measurable aspect of my life. I don't know. One of my real resolutions is to gain or lose 40 pounds, and whatever way that happens, it will not be healthy. No shit. So you're trying to go on an extreme high and low. Or low. He's either going to not eat for 30 days or just go absolutely insane every day.

I don't think that's healthy, buddy. No, it's healthy. No, it's not. Dude, I went to school. I went to school. I didn't. AJ, what are your New Year's resolutions? Haven't heard anything from you.

My New Year's resolutions resolutions are sorry i got i got a good one for everybody look so normally i just wing it yep i just wing it day by day but now i'm i'm what i'm trying to do is set things up by like a like a per week like i used to do like a per month thing now i have like a per week thing like this week i want to get done you know like xyz right and like it can be something as little as feeding the dog cleaning the room or like getting my car fixed that was the most recent one like sounds like you have big goals no just stuff that's just like all right like i can this can be handled in a week so let's handle it and get it get it over

with and then move on with our fucking lives i'm mainly referencing my car okay so in 2023 aj wants to get his car fixed uh 2023 walker wants to ruin his life emergency break oh my gosh listen to this look i i don't know nothing man i'm just an average guy i'm just a guy in this world all right you could blame it on me not having a father figure that's what i'm gonna blame it on me not having a father that was my first thought too yeah you can tell i'm daddyless um so look so i did some i tried to do some work to my car on my own to try to handle you know nowadays you can youtube anything i youtube how to fix the stuff i did fix the stuff but when i fixed the abs it was called the abs sensor when i fixed the abs sensor like three more lights came on and i'm like okay like

great like over here trying to save money and then doing myself on some diy stuff in the driveway yeah tell them about the driveway aj what happened i'm a lazy piece of shit tried to jack my car up on these my gravel driveway that is not level in the car. I didn't know that you can't jack up two side or like a, like the front passenger and the front driver's side at the same time as I was jacking up the other side, it fucking collapsed in it. He's using like the mini little jacks that come like in the trunk of the car. Just trying to,

trying to jack up the whole car. Okay. I'm just trying to do my part. So look, yeah, it fell. First time ever a car fell off the jack, I'm just trying to do my part. Okay. I'm just trying to do my part. So, look. Yeah, it fell. First time ever a car fell off a jack. That was a whole thing. I couldn't get the jack out because I couldn't figure out where to jack it up

because it was so low to the ground. It was just a whole ordeal. So, then I thought I was really fucked. So, I never had that happen. The fucking circular thing that I now know is a fucking rotor was on the ground that fucker was just fucking on um it was on the fucking jack so long story short the parking brake light came on and i don't know nothing about i didn't turn the motherfucking parking brake on so i'm like okay like car's still driving just fine i'm driving it

four hours to virginia every weekend and all over the this world and uh like normal and then the other day i'm like bro i asked austin to get in my car because it was it started finally making like after like a month it started making like this grinding he's like bro you gotta hear my car it doesn't sound right oh my god like, I think something's grinding, dude. Like I can literally hear something grinding in my car. Austin's like, yeah, dude, it literally sounds like your parking brake is on. I'm like, what do you mean? Well, before we even started driving, there's a light on the dash and it says parking brake on.

And I'm like, do you think your parking brake might be on? He's like, nah, it just says that. And we're driving down the road. It's grinding. Like I'm like, bro, think your parking brake might be on? And he's like, nah, it just says that. And we're driving down the road. It's grinding. I'm like, bro, I think the parking brake's on. It's on. It was definitely on. And now I'm having the worst experience ever at the shop.

At first he said one to two days. Cool. No rush as long as it's not a week. Four days goes by. I finally get a call. Yeah, it'll be done the next day cool next day comes around go up there i'm like hey can i just pay for it that way you can just leave my shit outside and i can come get it later like because i know you guys are about to

close i can't just pay for it it'll be done whatever come get it no no no i'm like bro be honest is it gonna be done today or tomorrow he's like tomorrow i'm like cool bro, be honest. Is it going to be done today or tomorrow? He's like, tomorrow. I'm like, cool. Tomorrow goes by, which is Saturday. They close at 1. I was busy all day. 3 o'clock rolls by. Kenzie's like, did they call you? I'm like, what the fuck? No, they didn't fucking call me.

And they're closed today. It's Sunday. Now I got to wait until Monday. And I'm like, so you're carless. And they also did work on my car and didn't even call me to like approve the dollar amount like i thought that was like a thing they had to do like hey you live out in the sticks dude they don't i'm saying like hey we're about to fix like 600 we fixed like 600 on your shit already like it's already done what you gonna do about it what if i didn't have the money they don't care

bro what if i didn't have the money and only could pay cash and they probably keep your car or something they put it all back broken that's fucking bullshit they just take it all back out no i should have known it was a red flag when i walked in the office and there was eight cats and it was somebody's living room this is a business you walked into that and you were like yeah i trust you no because look it's either it's either one of two ways either you're gonna get a steal of your lifetime because it's like some country backyard like oh yeah buddy pull around back i i could fix that or it's like the other way which is like poor communication terrible management like in someone's living room like terrible you lost i was um i was driving back from work one time and i had to pull over on

the side of the road because i think i left my trunk open or some shit and i locked my fucking ass out of my car with my biggest biggest fear while it was about 20 degrees outside and i only had like a t-shirt on so i sat there for like 10 minutes and i was like what the fuck do i do like i don't know what the fuck to do so i picked up a rock off the ground and just smashed my back my back window and unlocked my car but i went to get an inspection like two days later and i went just out to the country dude and you're like i was like uh this going to pass with a broke window? And he was like, what broke window?

I was like, all right, great. I would like to take this quick second to introduce our podcast. What's your job title, Kenzie? Podcast executive producer, Kenzie, is behind the scenes over there, handling business behind the scenes. But it looks like she's locked out of the laptop. Walker, you might want to help her. You need my thumbprint?

All right, let me do that. Yeah, hook her up with the thumbprint. Walker, while you're up. She was too into the Candy Crush. Yeah, she was into the Candy Crush over there. Hey, Walker, while you're up, can you look at the camera, make sure it's recording, and also pull the screen out, like extend it out so the camera doesn't overheat.

It should just say, like, red recording on the screen. You guys have to listen what my fiancé did to the level of extent what she did. It pulls out from the bottom, Walker. To get an extra life or whatever in Candy Crush. Yes, I'm putting you on blast. Cool. She literally changed the time on her phone, on her iPhone, to tomorrow to get an extra life on her thing. And then she's going to order food and the place is going to call me like, are you really picking this up tomorrow or is it today? I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, we're going to be there in 20 minutes. So she changed the date and time on her phone so that it would be the next day. So she could cheat on Candy Crush. Yeah, so Candy Crush thought it was a new day and she'd get new lives. Then you guys placed an order for food and they were like, so you want this picked up tomorrow? Yeah, they were so confused. They were so confused. They were so confused. We want it ASAP tomorrow.

I didn't even have the effort in me to explain to the lady. I'm just like, yes, we're about to be there. Please make it. Please. I don't know why it says pick up tomorrow ASAP. I don't know. Whatever. You know, I think Kenzie, you have a lot of qualities of a, uh, a Facebook theme

of Facebook mom. That's true. Or Karen. Oh man. I wouldn't go that far. Do you think Kenzie's a Karen? I don't think I need. The thing is, I need her to be a Karen because I, I just am too passive and I'll just like,

like with this car shit, she's like, tell me you need to go in there and fucking cut up, like go in there and turn up on her ass. I'm like, I'm just going to give my keys. How much is it? All right.

See it. Never talk to you again, but I'm just, Kenzie's a, Kenzie's not a Karen. She can be a Karen sometimes just like when we're all being idiots and she's like, get it together.

She wants me to go in there and leave an in-person Yelp review type shit. Like, I can't do that. Like, no. How much is it? In my head, I'm like, you fucking piece of shit. All right. We're not shitting on Kenzie right now. This is our executive podcast producer.

I'm saying she's good for that. I need that. That's AJ. I didn't say this. She's good for that i need that that's aj i didn't say this she's a this is this is aj's this is aj's this is aj's fiance we're talking about and my cousin and walker's new bestie kenzie is a pit bull and i'm a golden retriever aj has the headphones on he didn't even hear you What did you say? I heard some stupid ass shit Nah it wasn't that stupid So what else is up guys?

Yeah what do you guys want to talk about? Yeah I think we're I've got a couple Let me get into this Yeah yeah let's hear your real resolutions Walker has like realistic Lose 40 or gain 40, whatever. Yeah, very realistic goals for myself this year.

I created a list. So number one, obviously, become fluent in Spanish. I'm getting pretty good. You know? Yo es muy grande penga. He said, I is a giant. I don't think that made sense. It made sense. I don't.

You've seen him one TikTok. Sure, that dude gets some people's ears. And he's like, oh, Poppy. What's he say? What's he say? Have you seen the one where the guys get pissed as fuck? Oh, yeah, they do not like that dude. They're like, I'm a grown ass man.

Fuck you doing moaning in my ear? I could not imagine, bro, really doing that to someone. Oh, my God. All right, number two. Fuck, man. I don't even know my own resolutions. Do you want to get In a relationship

In 2023 Hell no Hell no Yes By the end of 2023 I'd like to have A Child

Four children Jesus Baby I don't think All with the same woman They're gonna have to be With different women No

Why Buddy's a rabbit I wanna have triplets And then Then like Have her like shit one out like another i don't know like six months down the line oh is that how that works and push one out yeah because you know normal men it takes about nine months for their seed to fully develop i'm not a normal man i can i can get that thing crunking in about five to six months what do you mean nine months

to develop what a baby oh damn aj where the hell are you i'm saying he's talking about a normal man what does that mean he's your normal man we are normal men yep he is a mesomorphic manatar or whatever. What does that mean? His semen will produce a child in six months. Oh, I see, I see, I see. Jesus. Five to six months. Buddy. So I'm going to have some triplets, and then we're going to have-

It ain't on you. It ain't on you. First, you've got to find a feral woman. Do you think he's going to marry a normal woman as a non-normal man? She's going to be built different. I mean, so she can't. I've got a couple qualities I have to have. So she's got to have a short torso, long back, kind of beat out, you know, just super long legs, childbearing hips, can't be too ambitious.

Her first love has to be me. And, yeah, I feel like, you know. You want to know what I'm thinking of right now? How charming and funny I am. I feel like I can find those girls all over the place. I think that girl, I think what you're saying looks like a, I think I might be saying it wrong, but like a brachiosaurus, the dinosaur. I kind of want like mugsy bows, but like a brachiosaurus, the dinosaur. I kind of want like Muggsy Bugs, but like with a wig and like a nice tight sundress.

Isn't Muggsy like 5'4"? Yeah. Have you seen the legs and ass of that guy? I just saw a picture of Muggsy Bugs and Yao Ming together. You give him some Italian coloring? Oh, my God. Jeez. I was about to say something, i forgot so moving on i wish the so goal number three for me could smell it in here i'm gonna

learn the song classical gas front to back on the guitar goal number four become a master composter goal number five uh gain or lose 40 pounds. Goal number six. Something. Your elbows, your elbows, your elbows. Get rid of my elbow creases. Complete the... I want my entire body to feel like an unborn baby's ass. Because right now it feels like a baby's ass. So that's like the next step, I think.

That's fair. So last week, as we already mentioned, we filmed a couple podcasts before we did this one. And the first two just didn't really pan out the way that we anticipated. So they were kind of practice pods. So this is podcast number three. The first two will never be aired. But I told a story last week on that one that I have to tell again because I feel like it's important. You guys, I don't know if you can see it as well, but my eye is black.

And like my eyeball, I'll zoom in. It's pretty gross. Executive podcast producer, when you're editing this podcast, make sure you zoom in on my eyeball. No. But yeah, so. But yeah, so let me tell you the quick. So seamless. Let me tell you the quick. This is a great idea.

Let me tell you. Let me tell you the quick story of how I got a black eye. Wait, is it this face? This side of my face? Yeah. Let me tell you how I got a black eye. So last week, not last week, about three weeks ago, went out to the bar with a

couple of my friends about four of us were out and uh not us though no no no not these guys different friends so there are four dudes we're all out not having a good time we're at the bar we're all standing around a fire pit like a a gas fire pit in the front of this place. And there's just four of us, two dudes walk up. And they're like, hey, guys. And we're like, whatever, whatever. Yeah, stand around the fire with us. We don't care.

It's fine. We're friendly guys. These dudes are like, no, this is our fire. Didn't like the tweet? They're like, no. So this is our fire pit now. And we're like, no, it's not. No, no, it's not. So they're like, no. So this is our fire pit now. And we're like, no, it's not. No, no, it's not. So they get all mad.

And they're like, yeah, we go to Heritage, which is a high school in Raleigh. And we all went to a different. Bro, what? What is wrong with you guys? Dude, I can't take you serious. They went to Heritage. Shut up. What?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You guys are being dicks. I'm trying to tell a story. What did I'm sorry I'm sorry You guys are being dicks I'm trying to tell a story What did I do wrong? I drank like half of my tweet And I was fucking dying over here Did you drink half of it?

I didn't even notice that Dude it tastes like juice You drank half of it? That hurt my body It's a 25 ounce tweet bud Oh that's not good It ain't 25 ounces I don't have to drink any more water.

Oh, you're right. It's 24 ounces. My bad. Yeah, I'm like, it's the first 25 or other. All right, sorry. We completely derailed your fucking story. You guys are just laughing. Now I'm all nervous because I think you guys are laughing at me, which you are.

AJ, whenever Austin sucks, you can't look at each other. Yeah, you guys are pissing me off. Where was I? All right. They went to Heritage. They went to Heritage. Yeah, they guys are pissing me off. Where was I? All right. They went to Heritage. They went to Heritage. Yeah, they went to Heritage. It's a high school in Raleigh.

I went to Sanderson and, you know, rivalry. What's your guys' mascots? Dude, shut up. I need to know. Just let me know. I need to know. I was a Spartan. Who are you?

Who are you, Spartan? I was a Spartan. What were they? The Huskies? They were the Huskies or something? Oh, my gosh. Heritage Huskies. Both public schools?kies or something? Oh, my gosh. Heritage Huskies? Both public schools?

Yeah, they're public schools. All right, so they went to Heritage. All the people I was with, we all went to Sanderson, and there was just, like, beef from the get-go. So they're like, you guys got to move, and we're like, nah. Then some shoving breaks out. Things get out of hand. The bouncers make us all leave.

We're leaving. We get outside, and the two dudes have more friends outside. And they're like, all right, we're going to fight. There are 30 people lined up to get into this bar. And they're like, we're all going to fight, blah, blah, blah. And the people in line are like, yeah, what are you guys going to do? What are you guys going to do? Like, fight.

Throw them. Throw them. They're like, bro, I'm not trying to do this. Like, this is not worth it. Like, this is really not worth it. But the fight breaks out. Everybody starts starts fighting we all end up on the ground there's like it's basically 4v4 at this point we're all on the ground fighting and uh as soon as i get to the ground another dude comes out of nowhere and kicks me in the side of the

face which is why i have a black eye and broken blood vessels in my eye and a fractured orbital bone and fractures in my cheekbone. But, um, yeah, so the fight, I, so I get kicked in the face.

I stand up and I look to my left. One of my buddies is laying on the ground bleeding. My other buddy is fighting two people on the ground to my right. The other dude's getting kicked in the face while he's fighting somebody. So I grabbed the dude that's bleeding. I set him up against the street sign and I'm like dude you just gotta hold your head like are you good like people are trying to call an ambulance i'm like no don't call an ambulance like we're not going on insurance we're not we cannot afford we cannot afford that i'm like we're

not going to jail we're not going to the hospital like we're out so like i pulled i pulled the other dude out of the uh middle of these two dudes he was fighting the other guy he gets up he's done getting kicked in the face they yeah whatever we're all up we run across the street call an uber we all put our hoods up because we're bleeding out of our heads and faces and uh get an uber back to my house which is like five minutes away we get back to my house we figure out if anybody needs to go to a hospital blah blah blah we're all fine basically i don to go to a hospital, blah, blah, blah. We're all fine, basically. I don't go to the doctor for like a week and a half because I'm like, whatever.

I got hit in the face like, I'll live. It's not that deep. Like, it's a black eye. Also, then about two benders in that time. Yeah, I went through two serious little drinking benders through then. So, like, I really didn't care what was going on. He had a whole bunch of rainy days. I had a bunch of rain. Even though they yeah exactly um they were rainy though weather was terrible

overcast depressed so i eventually go to the doctor like a week and a half later and they're like yeah you have a potential displaced cheekbone and um fractures in your orbital orb orbital bone uh yeah so i have to talk to a plastic surgeon on february 1st to see if i have to have plastic fractures in your orbital bone. Yeah, so I have to talk to a plastic surgeon on February 1st to see if I have to have plastic surgery. We'll see. Dope. Damn, that was a mouthful. How many times have you told that story?

So, like, every person I see, every person that I... Was that in the new year or before? That was December 22nd. Oh, yeah, because, look, it was so funny. It was three days before christmas so i don't know about anyone else but like when i when i uh have a certain type of friend i i call them regularly regularly regularly regularly what kind of friend just like a particular type of guy and i'll call you when i wake up like what do you want i'm just checking in on you and look i called this guy a normal day

i called him what probably what 10 10 me yeah i called you i like also i'm the friend you're talking about yeah you're you're you're you're one of a kind but it'll make money i'll take that that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me no listen i call this guy at like what 10 10 30 something like that yeah it was relative and he answers the phone and i know obviously like we all get drunk like a lot yeah we have a good time everybody out there does we have a good time a lot and we always wake up and we're like what the fuck happened motherfuckers were drunk last night so listen so i call him and then the first things i say i'm like bro you look like shit yeah he's like you look like you look terrible bro like you look

fucking terrible his face was all puffed out and swollen. I'm like, bro, have you looked in the mirror yet? I'm like, you look like shit. I didn't know about the whole fight situation. You just thought I was hungover and looked like shit. I just thought this guy had a hell of a night. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, you look like dog shit, dude. He's like, yeah, thanks, buddy.

You see my eye? I got fucking kicked in the head last night. I'm like, oh, oh fuck i didn't know that i'm like gosh dang i'm like he looked like a piece of shit that morning i'm like he's like you look like shit and i turn my face and he's like damn you look like you have a black eye i'm like i yeah i do i got kicked in the fucking head hey even it it gets even better. Look, Walker had a high school friend over that night, and then all that happened.

He's like, oh, yeah, this is not normal. That kid's probably not coming back, bro. He's not coming back. I went to dinner with my parents and got back here, and the boys were already out. It was probably about the time

Austin was getting roundhouse kicked. Hey, I did not get roundhouse. That's way worse than... You're right. You got scisshouse kicked. And Jack was like. Hey, I did not get roundhouse. That's way worse than. You're right. You got scissor kicked. I didn't get scissor. Come on.

All right. Sorry. Put some respect on my name. I got fucking. You got stung. I got place kicked. I got. They kicked a field goal off my head.

I mean, off my shoulders. Try to take your head off. My shoulders were the tee, and my head was the football. So me and my friend had got back here, and he was like, hey, man, do you want to go out and go with your friends? And I was like, nah, not really. And he was like, all right, cool. Sick.

I don't either. Yeah, you guys made the right decision. Well, it probably would have been more beneficial if you guys were there. Like, we would have had at least one more person. Maybe two. Oh, yeah. I mean, it would have been a problem if I was there. Yeah, you would have handled business.

Exactly. I got you. Yeah, yeah. I feel you. Big black belt guy over here. Big black belt. Big Muay Thai guy. Yeah, I'm getting real sick and tired Of telling the story Cause every person that knows me

And sees me They're like What happened? Hey But hey listen Got kicked in the face And they're like what? But you live

To fight another day Yeah I made it out alive Put the gun down Craig Put the gun down Well thanks for listening everybody Jesus cutting her short huh how long should we go

hey everybody comment how long you think our podcast should be 45 minutes I think 30 to 45 I feel like 45 is a good amount of time I feel like if I was listening to a podcast as good as this one and it stopped at 30, I would be kind of pissed off that it ended so early.

Hold on. I got to tell the people who I am. Who are you? This is the big fish on the podcast right here. I'm Austin Lane underscore fit. I got 145,000 subs on YouTube, a million on TikTok. I'm kind of the man.

AJ, it's kind of rude to wear hats in the house. Do you mind taking that off for me, please? I'm sorry. I know it's kind of a dick move, but no. Seriously, man? I'm not taking it off. Episode one. Dude, it's so rude, though.

All right, listen. We're having you in our house, and you're just disrespecting us. Listen, listen, listen. That was me last week. I just kept screaming, everybody listen. Shut up. Everybody stop talking and having fun. Listen.

What are we talking about now? I'm not taking the hat off because I would never take the hat off in person. In general, on a day like today where I didn't shave my head, I'm not taking my hat off. Unless I'm at my house in comfort in my home. Like, say you're going to meet, I don't know. I would never put myself in that situation with my head not shaved. You're going to meet

the president. Would never happen. It's going to happen. Because you're going to look in the mirror one day and finally meet yourself. You're not that guy, pal. If AJ became the president of the United States, we would be fucked.

The person who I'd tell what I wanted to do, they'd be like, have you thought about this yet, buddy? Are you sure? No, Walker and I would be in your cabinet, so I think business would be handled. I'd be running like a...

Have you ever seen that movie Vice, dude? Dude, have you ever seen that movie Vice? No. It's about Dick Cheney. Not a big movie guy. I think that's what we'd be like. I haven't seen it. No, listen, Josh.

It's good. Listen, I want to tell the people who I am without taking my hat off on this certain episode. Okay, yeah, let's hear who you are, man. You're just going to be rude as fuck. Go ahead. The people need to know who we are. All right. Me and you are random guys.

This guy has a fan base. I'm a random dude. I don't really have a fan base. Yeah, this dude's a fucking certified, verified influencer. This guy has a, hold on. I don't even know if the camera. Y'all see that back there? Can the camera even see it?

We can zoom in on it. Can the camera... Kenzie, can the camera see it? Can the camera see the plaque? Kenzie, come on camera. Kenzie, come on camera. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Holy moly. Stanley down. Stanley down. Stanley's down. Kenzie's going crazy. You can't see it? God damn. Hey, we'll add a clip.

Don't worry about it. Hey, there's a platinum YouTube clip back there. Will you grab it off the wall? Grab it off the wall. Platinum. Kenzie, where the hell are you? That's my bedroom. Where are you going?

Kenzie, you blocked the light. Dang. Now the camera's fucked. Yeah, now everything's... This executive producer, I don't know. Kenzie's just opening doors up. We were going to give her a 2% cut of the podcast. That percentage is dwindling.

JK, she's doing a great job. Does that cut my 60-some percent? Can we make a verbal contract right now? I get 80%. You guys each get 5%, and the rest goes to charity. I'm just happy to be here. No, no, no. I get 70%.

You get 20%. AJ and Kenzie each get 5%. Can we tell them your guys' original plans? What was our original plan? Tell them. I don't know. You know better than me. What was the original plan?

I really don't know. Come on. I think AJ wants us to say. Oh, okay. All right. He's trying to be in the spotlight he's here for us to uh use as a punching bag yeah we're here he's here for us to uh make fun of yeah because i can handle it okay yeah so the original plan was just walker and me on the podcast we were we brought it up one

day walker's like can we start filming a pod and i'm like absolutely i've been waiting for you to ask recording yeah yeah can we start recording i would never say film i know you wouldn't um so yeah uh walker's like can we start recording a pod and i'm like yeah absolutely and uh we brought it up to aj and we're like yeah dude we're starting a podcast walker and i and he aj was not he i saw the sadness come over his face he was like dude can we please can i please like just be like a or no he didn't say please. He's like, bro, you gotta,

you gotta, he's like, bro, you gotta have me as like a guest appearance or something, man. But in my head, I'm like, maybe if he had said please, he would have been

on the first episode. Why am I not? Like, I thought, like, come on, dude. I thought Austin and I were boys. Like, he knows I would want to be on the pod.

But like, low key, I'm trying to like, emphasize like, bro, like, can I be at least a special guest? And then in my head, I'm hoping, I'm like, oh, bro, like, nah, fuck it, you can be on too. Like, he knows I would want to be on the pod. But, like, low-key, I'm trying to, like, emphasize, like, bro, like, can I be at least a special guest? And then in my head, I'm hoping, like, oh, bro, like, nah, fuck it. You can be on, too.

Like, AJ was going to plan out, like. And then we just left. We just left that night in cold turkey. I went to work the next day and got a call. Like, I feel like I got a job. Like, I got the job type shit. Austin calls me. He's like, hey, man.

Like, a couple days had passed He's like hey man Well I text him I'm like yo what are you doing right now Are you busy and he's like I'm in the I'm in the truck with The dude he works with And I'm like can I call you he's like yeah Go ahead

So look so He's like yeah he calls me I'm like what's up man i'm all lit because he called me you see i'm like what up what up he's like shit he's like uh me and walker me and walker me and walker filmed the first podcast and uh yeah just you know we didn't we didn't like it so uh will you be on the podcast yeah basically i'm asking i asked aj if so will you be on the podcast? Yeah, basically I'm asking. I asked AJ if he wanted to be on the pod.

Well, I texted him. Yes, I will be on the pod. Walker, get it together. Did you finish the whole thing? Thank you. Oh, my God. Dude, I can't. Walker's going to be the drunk one on the pod this week.

Thank God. Spotlight's off me. I'm losing it. Okay, so. He said i'm losing it okay so he said i'm losing it everybody buddy you're done oh my god all right yeah i text walker and i'm like bro podcast number one did not go that smoothly and walker's like i think we need aj hey and i'm like i was looking up bro guys can i can I talk about something that's been happening over the last 15 minutes or so? So I need to thank Walker.

So our executive producer of Always Laugh podcast, After Dark, Kenzie, she has a timer up on the screen. We know how long we've been recording, so on and so forth. But above the timer, there's a little ad box. We can pop this up on the screen. Above the timer, there's a little ad box. Now, right now, it's displaying a Motorola Razr ad, but for about 10 minutes, it was a St. Jude ad, and all it was was pictures of young children with cancer. And I've been watching that, and it has been making me really fucking depressed.

So I'm really glad I can look at this motorola razor now kenzie's zooming in just on the clock so walker doesn't get depressed i really appreciate that that's hilarious jesus that's stressing me out you know i get stressed out about time i have a big time thing so look look, they asked me, they formally or Austin formally asked me because Walker forced him to probably to put me on the pod. And then now I'm here. Did your mom ever use a belt or any type of object on you as a child? No, she was just mostly a hand.

She did throw a pan she was using at my head full force in the living room. She Gordon Ramsey. Did she hit you? No. She missed? Yeah, I did some like Matrix Revolutions type shit. using at my head full force in the living room she gordon ramsay no she missed oh yeah i did some like matrix revolutions type shit and fucking like a super cool really cool guy um but she was going for blood that shit was aiming to take my knock into the fuck out dude it was crazy i don't know if i believe the story i once rebelled and went in my room slammed the

door and threw a tuna fish sandwich at the wall just because. And I was pissed that I wasted that tuna fish sandwich. I picked it up and ate it. Dude, I bet your room smelled so bad. It was fine. It smelled like tuna fish. I just threw a rogue tuna fish sandwich. Yeah, you guys are talking about throwing a tuna fish sandwich at the wall.

No, I also ran away and hid in the garage and I thought I was gone. They didn't even come looking for me. I eventually just went inside. If I got mad enough, I used to go into my bedroom and destroy everything in sight. I used to tear shit up. I'm not proud of it. White privilege. I've grown a lot since I was like 12 years old, but I was a problem.

I was a serious problem back in the day. Yeah, that's why you're how you are now. Finish up the twisted tea, Walker. Come on, down the hatch. Walker, you do not look like you enjoy drinking that in the slightest. It's good, man. It's just a sweet beverage. Oh, God.

Oh, that hurts. Yep. Yep. Guys, can I do Walker's ASMR section of the pod, please? Yep. Wait, Kenzie, will you bring that timer up? I have no idea how long you've been going. Bring that timer up, Kenzie.

Okay, Walkerer you start at start at 38 minutes on the dot ready set you get uh section you get 30 seconds all right but 30 seconds start now welcome to walker's asmr section i am your host walker i just want you to imagine yourself in a beautiful field and you see daisies and lilies and you're walking down a path. Hang on. And you're walking down a path and then the path ends. Okay, that was Walker's ASMR section. That's all you got. You like that?

I think we did some good stuff there, guys. Blue face, baby. Yeah, all right. Dude, Walker's ASMR section will be featured on the next podcast exactly 38 minutes in. Yep, 38 minutes on the dot. Walker has 30 seconds to himself.

AJ, do you want a little section of the podcast all to yourself, or are you good? Can I get another section? Walker, you're getting greedy. Relax. We're starting with 30 seconds this week. We'll see how the viewers respond. But I've got more ideas. We'll talk about it in the brainstorming session.

I think my section should be you asking asking me something and I got to respond. Like, just quick. Let's just rapid fire. All right. We're going to rapid fire questions. Rapid fire questions. I mean, I have to answer them. Okay.

All right. Would you rather fight five horse-sized ducks or 500 duck-sized horses? The five ducks. Dude, five horse-sized horses? The five ducks. Dude, five horse-sized ducks would absolutely destroy you. That's like the scariest animal I've ever heard of. I panicked. I like ducks. I don't know if this is the best section of the podcast for AJ.

Rapid fire. I'm big rapid fire. Walker, go again. I've got to think of a question. What's the most embarrassing moment of your life? Jesus. Hey, no ums or Jesus in the rapid fire. The first time I ever got drunk was at this random person's house,

my friend's grandma's house in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone service and i threw up everywhere in the bathroom and also shit everywhere in the bathroom and that was my first time ever drinking blacked out on captain morgan at age like 15 you puked and shitted yourself yeah for sure everywhere and i had the worst like you know i had to like it was like probably one o'clock had to sleep the rest of the night couldn't sleep it was bad and then i had to play it crazy like nothing ever happened like did you how did you you were covered in puke and shit how did you i managed to just like i didn't have a shirt when i left. Fuck, marry, kill. Austin, Walker, Kenzie. All three, Kenzie.

That's not an option. That's not an option. Fuck, Kenzie. Fuck, marry, kill. Yeah. In that order. In that order. So, okay. I think I'd kill Austin, marry Walker. Damn. Dude, that's a great idea. in that order in that order um so okay

I think I'd kill Austin and Mary Walker damn dude that's a great idea that's fucked up you're killable we would have a beautiful relationship

you're killable we'd get all drunk or some shit I guess that I guess that makes the most sense I'd be like you wanna meet God

Austin's like yeah bro I do alright hold on no the only reason that just came to heck, cause I just watched Logan Paul and George and Logan Paul say some very insensitive things to George on that podcast.

And I didn't like it, but I had to watch it to get up to date on what was going on. Have you watched it? I know what you're talking about. I've seen the clips, but we're not here to bash other podcasts. You know, we're going to,

we're going to try to make friends in this space. I'm not saying we should be friends with Logan Paul. Fuck Logan Paul. All right. Fuck Logan Paul. Never mind. Take back everything I just said. I mean, he's fine.

His show is fine. I just like that particular. They shouldn't have been talking about that. I mean, yeah, there's just certain shit that probably is better left not talked about. But there's probably going to be a lot of shit that we talk about. You know, like going to Suicide Forest

and film fucking someone who's committed suicide. We're probably going to say some things that we shouldn't say as well. He's tiptoeing on the edge of like cancel culture like again.

Which isn't real. You see, they're also trying to cancel Kaisenot. I'm sick of all that. For what? I don't know the whole story. Look it up. Okay, it's fine.

Cancel doesn't exist. Sounds boring. No, it ain fuck wild shit it's very scary there's allegations that something some girl got sexually assaulted at a party that he threw and someone at the party sexually assaulted a girl or some shit like that i don't know. That's no good. All I know is cancel cultures when you have consequences for your actions. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. So yeah, I watch those two all the time

and Kaisanat is at the peak of his, he's doing very well. We'll figure it out. He streams for like 12 hours a day. Yeah.

Every day. That's insane. That's insane. Dude, I bet streamer lives fucking suck. Oh, it has to be terrible. Miserable. You have to work so much for like...

I mean, the big ones make a lot of donuts, but you are working like 10 to 12 hours a day. Did you say make a lot of donuts? Donos. Oh, donos. The dono bird? Dude, that's like some Twitch verbiage. You gotta get on that.

Some dodos. I don't know what a dodo is. Dono. I don't know what a... Oh, dodo's. Dodo bird? Dude, that's like some Twitch verbiage. You got to get on that. Some dodo's. I don't know what a dodo is. Dono. I don't know what a... Oh, donations. Dono. Donations. I get it.

Dono. Y'all motherfuckers are the ones wearing headphones. I thought it would be like donays. Hold on, did you guys see our shirts? Yeah, we got the Always Laugh merch. Go to shopaustinlane.com to copy your merch is the website still all right don't do that i know i know it's been hey my uh i got a little come on email domain in that why are you all right so you guys are my co-hosts on the podcast and

you're gonna shit on our merch merch host though okay so you don't want all right bet no cut of the merch revenue for you guys i didn't say anything you guys is your website even still up fuck off give me the cut of the merch uh revenue that i paid for you bought what one or two shirts or one two shirts i got you i'll give you your profit i'll give you the profit not that i'll keep the cost you take the profit thanks bro there is no profit there is profit free we're giving them out for free the profit went to the nice mailers all right um the the insert the package insert should we should we send out some free The insert The package insert

Should we send out some free merch to somebody? Yeah Let's do a Yeah, comment below Yeah, yeah, comment below Hold on, hold on Like and comment Alright, so this is

How many likes before I take my hat off? One Buddy Like, are you gonna be afraid to Oh, I see why You're not gonna want your bald head on the pot either Cause that bitch is going to be shining. What do you mean?

These lights are going to be gleaming off your head. No, no, no, no. I'm oiling AJ's head up every time. Bro, what do you mean? Are you going to be afraid to take your hat off forever? Not at all, bro. I'm just saying I shave my head honestly probably three times a month. I mean, we got to start coordinating.

I only shave my head if there's an event going on. Six likes and AJ will take event going on. Six likes. Other than that, I'm wearing a hat. Six likes and AJ will take his hat off. Six comments. Oh, yeah. Six comments. Whatever.

Six likes, six comments, both of them. And he'll take his hat off. All right. I'm about to whip out the burners. So we're going to send out a- Comment down below. We're going to send out a free little merch package to somebody that likes. Like.

All right. This is what you got to do. You got to like the video. Comment on the video uh what should they comment comment uh always laugh comment always laugh on the video and then go to instagram type in always laugh podcast clips dm comment always laugh is better than fenty you guys are about to piss me off i'm trying to do a little promo here and you won't shut up alright do everything I just said

go to the Instagram always laugh podcast clips DM a screenshot of proof that you commented and liked the video and then we'll send out a free merch package to somebody that does that the lucky winner

support is free. What's the selection going to be? What do you mean the selection? It's like when it's me and two other people that have done this. All right. It's all my spam accounts. It's all my spam accounts. Look, engagement's engagement.

You're going to see Jack on there. We're juicing the numbers. But yeah, guys. The instructions will be in the description below. Yeah, you'll see it in the description. Yeah, go to the description. It'll be in the show notes. I can't even remember what you got in the podcast.

If you're a listener only, go to the show notes of the podcast. If you're on YouTube. Oh, yeah, that whole promo thing was for YouTube. So if you're not on YouTube, then you don't stand a chance. Yeah, you're done. You're listening to us in the car and shit. You need to be listening to us while you're in the house. All right, boys, I'm going to be honest.

I think this is kind of spiraling and getting boring. So let's wrap this podcast up. It was a great podcast, number three, but the first one that's going to be aired. Thank you all for listening to the Always Laugh podcast. Once again, I'm Austin Lane lane i'm aj motherfucking allen great he's drunk no i'm not walker doesn't have anything to say this is walker smith and uh we out we love you